#And sometimes people are awkward without any reason this is just their personality trait

[lieutenant-amuel]

People always justify “awkward quirky teenage girls” by saying what teenage girl would not be awkward and quirky as if all teenage girls are the same.

[tubborucho]

Something I think people are missing when they talk about the whole Day 12 thing with Tubbo and Bad is that Tubbo is just like that sometimes, especially with people he’s close to. Depending on how you look at it that's not necessarily better or worse, but I think it’s an important factor because so much of the recent BBH Purgatory discussion is about how he’s singled out and that’s something Tubbo would do to anyone. He’ll get a minor irritation stuck in his head just as hard as a major problem and then refuse to let it go. The amount of ranting he does isn’t always an accurate measure of how important it is to him and “I’m still on this” (or any variation) is practically his catchphrase. I’m not trying to downplay in-character analysis, it’s a trait of both streamer and character, but it’s something you might not realize if you don’t watch Tubbo very often.

Yeah, this is also a part of it. Tubbo is very passionate about things, and sometimes those things are minor grudges that he gets stuck on for no good reason just because it’s fun for him to get annoyed at them and rant. But this is more of a cc! part of things than in character one (tho all of Tubbo’s characters also have this trait more or less).

For me, I really think it’s because Tubbo is very frustrated with the Day 12 itself, and out of everything that went wrong Bad dying is the only concrete moment he can single out. Because Quackity dying doesn’t really count in lore because he wasn’t there really (which is such bullshit btw, this is my Day 12 Roman Empire, Quackity’s death SHOULDN’T have influenced the percentage) and anyone else wasn’t there either to do the quests, for objective irl reason, so q!Tubbo also can’t really be mad at them and also who would he be mad with out of everyone on the team absent? All of them? Choose a specific person?

Meanwhile Bad was there and he died after doing something Tubbo told him not to (note: this is neutral, I am not discussing right now the moment itself and how justified Bad going in was). So it’s a concrete thing that he can blame on the percentage loss without it being meta or ‘why are you mad at me and not the others who did the same’. And it was really hard emotionally day for him, the combination of cc!Tubbo (well, q!Tubbo too but for the sake of the point we will count it as more of a cc! trait) being very competitive and q!Tubbo genuinely believing that Soulfire is cursed and that they absolutely must win this day to tie (I am pretty sure he believed it was the last day that counts? But I might be wrong) or (later) to win the Purgatory and save all the Eggs (which was his one and only goal truly, he was really clear about not straying from it even when it felt that a lot of characters forgot what it’s all for). So he singled Bad out and concentrated on it as the sole reason they lost Day 12, seething.

Now, for cc!Tubbo it’s mostly a bit, even if he acts genuinely ’not over this’, he is just having fun. And q!Tubbo may still have this grudge, but overall it does not outweigh his newfound comradery with Bad and respect for him. But q!Tubbo is also very much a Negative Nancy, he LOVES to just rant about stuff that ‘annoys’ him and get on his friends nerves. Like he find a thing and just keeps pushing it (ex: Bagi’s ‘incest’ tendencies, everything concerning Fitpac, Phil’s age and a lot of other stuff, Foolish and ‘you made it awkward now’, etc) and Day 12 is his thing for Bad along with cursing/inappropriate jokes.

Do I think it’s fair to q!Bad? When /srs – no; when /lh – yes, because it’s funny. Do I think it can count as an example of how people keep blaming Bad for everything about Purgatory? Yes. Do I think it’s actually the same as with other characters? Not at all.

All the other prominent negative after-Purgatory characterizations of Bad are concentrated on him being a bloodthirsty monster that terrorized everyone (only partially true and definitely not unique to his character). Meanwhile Tubbo never really talked about Bad being a ‘monster’ in Purgatory (afterwards) in any negative light as far as I remember, it was always very neutral. Or at least not blaming him for it. His grudge is a completely my teammate did a dumb thing so I will forever remind him it. Which tho still unfair is not hypocritical when what other characters do.

Obviously this is just my take on the situation, everyone can perceive it a bit differently, especially because I am writing this as a Tubbo main, so my view on things is skewed towards him.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my friend I thought he was autistic and making him cry?

I (25F) have been casual friends with "M" (25M) for several years. We're not super close friends (or at least, I'm not super close to him, I suspect he is more emotionally invested in our friendship than me. Also, according to several classmates back in college, he had a crush on me. Idk, but seems possible based on his actions. I'm gay and now have a gf, he's always been very chill and respectful about any feelings he may or may not have). Honestly, our interests, energy levels, and socializing preferences are not super compatible, but he's a good person, and we've stayed in touch after college, occasionally meeting up every few months for a hike.

For the last 5 years, I assumed he was autistic. I am also autistic (got diagnosed in my teens) and noticed a ton of autistic/neurodivergent traits as soon as I met M. TBH that's one of the big reasons we became and stayed friends, we may not be 100% compatible as friends/people but neither of us have to climb over all the neurotypical social rules and stigmas just to hang out. I've talked about my experiences with autism with him, in a commiserating/companion-type way, and we both talked about our very different childhood experiences with speech therapy and special ed.

Anyways, I had casually told my gf and mom that M's autistic (my mom got diagnosed with autism a few years ago, after I did, and my gf recently got diagnosed after both of us recognized she had similar autistic traits as me). M visited me 2 or 3 months ago and we went hiking, like usual. Afterwards, we were hanging out at my house (I live with my parents, my job's close and there's few apartments here) and M was talking about how he got fired from his job a few months ago, and was having trouble finding a new job. He was about to leave, and I left for a few min. When I came back my mom was telling M about how he should talk with HR at any future job about his autism because he was probably fired in large part due to ableism (I agree ableism played a role in his firing, probably because his bosses were shit at actually communicating and assumed everyone were mind readers). M was pretty obviously uncomfortable, and my mom is not tactful or very sensitive, so I intervened and we left.

The two of us talked for a few min. It turned out that he is Not Autistic (or at least, not diagnosed). I told him the reason my mom thought he was autistic is because I assumed he was and told her. It turns out that he has a lot of shame and negative emotions about his time in speech therapy and special ed as a kid (he had always talked about it as though they were annoying, sometime unnecessary, sometimes helpful, so I didn't know this) and some internalized ableism directed at himself. I mostly talked about my experiences with autism and getting diagnosed, and emphasized that, although I thought he had autism/neurodivergence, I'm not an expert and not trying to tell him what he is, and also that autism (especially for me) is not a bad thing. It was awkward and uncomfy for both of us, and by the end M was visibly very upset. I apologized and let him go. Before he shut the garage door I heard him start to sob. A few hours later (he lives about 2 hrs away) I texted him to apologize and reiterate what I had said earlier. He said it was ok, but idk. We've texted some, and called once since this, but haven't seen each other yet.

You may judge me on any or all of the following (potential) dick moves:

assuming M was autistic without him actually telling me

telling 2 other people he was autistic without his permission or telling him

allowing mom to bring up a sensitive subject like this

how I handled the situation afterwards, including telling M I think he's autistic and talking about myself

any other asshole thing you may ID from this story

What are these acronyms?

[nkjemisin]

Things in my ask box

Hi folks. Every so often I get questions from folks that are good, but which I worry might catch them some flak from my other readers or whoever. Sometimes I answer those people privately, but in general I prefer not to do private replies to asks; for one thing, other people might want to know the answer, and for another, I've had a few awkward situations result from doing so (basically just people going parasocial on me), and I think that sort of thing is less likely when it's clear I'm talking to everyone. So, I'm going to handle these awkward asks by just treating them as Q&A questions -- without showing that person's username and where necessary, altering the question in order to protect their identity. I've got a few of these stored up, but just gonna do two this time for length and time reasons. I'll get to the rest later.

Are you a proshipper?

Yep. Feel free to alter your decision re following me on social media now that you've read that answer. But I believe in "don't like, don't read," and that fiction doesn't indicate what an author really believes (because it's fiction), and that there's no subject matter too immoral to explore on its face (everything depends on the execution), so... yep.

2. I love the Broken Earth trilogy, but I have to say, the middle book really didn't go anywhere, literally. Essun stayed in Castrima and Nassun moved around a little more but mostly stayed in the same place too. It killed a lot of the story momentum for me. Why did you decide to do this?

[spoilers for Broken Earth books, though I'll try to minimize them and will put a "read more" before I get there]

Because I felt like it. I'm not saying that defensively, I'm just noting that the answer to pretty much any question you might ask a writer about why they do a particular thing is... because they felt like it. Period full stop. Sorry that wasn't what you wanted to read! It was, however, the story I wanted to tell.

To elaborate... different people have different expectations of trilogies. That's because there are a lot of different ways to handle them, narratively speaking. Sometimes a trilogy is really a group of shared-universe stories taking place in the same world but not necessarily featuring the same characters, and with unrelated plots. Some are telling a single story, but through different POVs and smaller plot arcs that each have their own terminuses; that's what I did with the Inheritance Trilogy, for example. And sometimes, as I did with the Broken Earth books, the author is just telling one big story broken up into three parts. (There are more ways to do a trilogy than this, but let's keep this brief, lol.)

Now, there are a lot of ways to handle this kind of story, but a pattern that most of us are used to is:

Book One: Introduction to the world and important characters and the apparent stakes;

Book Two: Deep dive into the important characters and world, thus giving the audience a reason to care more; and

Book Three: Now we really know the stakes and shit just got real! Now we care what happens to the characters when EVERYTHING! BLOWS!! UP!!!

(I am feeling very silly today, sorry.)

We're familiar with this pattern because we see it all the time, especially in American media. It's a variation on the three-act structure seen in plays and other narratives. It's the basis of our most popular longform stories! The original Star Wars trilogy did it. The Mass Effect trilogy did it. (Andromeda was a separate story, probably meant to be the start of a new trilogy.) The Lord of the Rings did it, prequeled by the Hobbit and mirrored by the Silmarillion. I mentioned those examples because the middle stories of each all exhibit the same traits: a drastic change of pace or location for the protagonists, putting the protagonists through personal character growth arcs, and poking at minutia or seemingly unimportant aspects of the world (which usually end up pretty important before all is said and done).

Now let's answer your question. Spoiler warning again:

In the Broken Earth, we got introduced to the Stillness and Essun in Book One. There was a lot of physical movement in that book as Essun was on the road for most of it (as were other characters), but the plot itself was relatively simple: A bad thing happened to this person and she needs to go somewhere and find someone, to fix it! And then pretty much the entirety of that book's narrative was "Who is this person, why does the bad thing matter, and how close does she get to finding her missing person?" Then in Book Two, we learned a little more about this person, a lot more about her impact on other characters including the one she's been trying to find, and we spent a while learning about orogeny, the Obelisk Gate, and what the stone eaters have been up to. I cheated a little on this; there wasn't room to do a deep dive into the backstory of one pivotal character, but I did finally reveal that this character is the "secret" narrator of the whole trilogy, and made his agenda clearer. I ended up putting his "deep dive" into Book Three instead, where it was particularly relevant to the STUFF! BLOWING!! UP!!!

The reason a lot of readers complain about "Middle Book Syndrome," I suspect, is because of this pattern -- and because of their expectations. A lot of people come at a middle book expecting Book One Redux. That's what you often get in shared-universe trilogies -- Book One over and over again, roughly the same balance of characters vs events each time, in a familiar setting. We're conditioned to want that, I think, from other episodic works. Comic books, for example: When I was working on FAR SECTOR, my editor at the time explained that I needed to try and have a fight or action scene in most of the issues. I hate fight scenes -- sorry! -- so that was hard for me. TV shows -- the ones that aren't themselves telling a single big story over time -- do this, too. I think of it as the "If You Liked X, Then Try... X!" structure. Absolutely nothing wrong with this structure, by the way. I'm just describing it, not throwing shade. I'm a big fan of stories like this myself.

But even for audience members who were expecting the Three-Act Trilogy structure instead, that middle book is going to be jarring. It's supposed to be jarring. The refugees have survived the first book but stopped to dress their wounds and regroup; the adventurers on a quest have reached an impasse and need to find allies and grind to build up their strength; the stalwart hero has just suffered a massive setback and needs to overcome their own doubt or character flaws. A good way to handle this is to take the characters out of their familiar space, and put them somewhere new, or give them a very different kind of challenge. [Mass Effect and LOTR spoilers] Oh, no, Shepard died and their team broke up! What now? Oh, no, Frodo and Sam are on their own trying to get to Mordor! They're just these little guys! How are they gonna make it? If you got overly attached to Shepard team from ME1, or the Fellowship, you're in for a rough ride in these followups. But the jarring nature of this kind of followup is absolutely necessary. An author who does this knows they're going to lose some readers, when they do it. Clearly I almost lost you! But I stand by that choice, because I think it made the whole trilogy better.

Sidebar: I'm old enough to remember the controversy back when "The Empire Strikes Back" came out. Critics haaaaaated that movie! It was too dark, they said; wasted too much time on unimportant stuff. Too much character work, not enough space battles. Then it became clear that audiences loved the second movie even more than the first, precisely because it was darker and because Luke spent so much time futzing around with Yoda and because there were all these girl cooties romantic moments between Leia and Han. A lot of the critics backpedaled at that point, with some of them even acknowledged that they'd been hoping for Star Wars All Over Again and not What Happens Next That Is Not Star Wars. They'd simply brought the wrong expectations to the story.

This is not to say that you have the wrong expectations, Ask-er. Maybe you were expecting exactly that structure, and you just don't like the way I handled it, or you think I did a poor job. Every reader's experience of a story is different, and not everybody's gonna want to pick up everything I throw down. But you asked why did everyone stay in one place, and this is why: to do a deep dive into the character of the Stillness itself. In a story where the setting was as much a "character" as the people in it, I felt it necessary to show enough of that setting for readers to care about it. Would you care, for example, if the town of Brevard (Damaya and Schaffa spend one night there in Book One) got blown off the map in Book Three? Probably not, because I spent no time on any of its citizens or issues. A lot of people cared about Castrima, though, by the end of Book Two.

Whoo, this got long! Hope it answers your question, Ask-er.

[abba-dabba]

I didn't have time for any art stuff so I'm posting a rant about how much I love the female characters in Fullmetal Alchemist instead

all the female characters in this show are Top Tier™ and I will not put up with that "they're bad because they're taking on masculine traits" bullshit because it's a stupid argument.

Trisha Elric? emotionally intelligent, loyal to her family, clearly the glue holding her family together, validates her hubby's feelings but doesn't let him wallow in his misery and makes sure he's as involved as he can be

Izumi Curtis? sees two wet orphans and pretends that she totally doesn't want to scoop them up and sign the adoption papers, was an awesome mentor to her kids but didn't hold them back, rescues her dumb kids even if it puts her in danger because they had to learn that somewhere ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Riza Hawkeye? joins the army and gets one of the most difficult positions available on her own merits, willingly mutilating her own body to make sure her father's research couldn't be replicated to hurt others, protective of everyone in her makeshift family and will not tolerate any bs even if it's coming from a superior, very good at picking things apart but won't always reveal her hand

Winry Rockbell? a literal medical genius who could get a med degree and make tons but chooses to hone other skills to get better at personal hobby, willing to trust her loved ones to make their own decisions, grows in her own time and willing to learn from people who know better without being a doormat

Olivia Armstrong? has no prejudice about who she accepts in her ranks, doesn't put up with any kind of bigotry, very intimidating but clearly has a soft spot for her brother because she will not accept any slander of him and will stick her neck out to help him, will not be swayed to do terrible things even if it benefits her personal goals, definitely will insult loved ones but would destroy someone for doing the same

Lust The Voracious? she is femme fatale personified, she knows she is hot and will use it to her advantage, she is intelligent and cares for her looks but not to the point of narcissism, she takes on the REAL leadership role from the homunculus because otherwise nothing would ever get done because NOBODY HELPS ME IN THIS FUCKIN HOUSE, she's completely evil and has no redemption arc because sometimes it's just neat to have an unsympathetic villain with no tragedy to justify their actions

Sheska? had such a damn good memory, is literally the only reason the Elric bros were able to discover the gov. conspiracy, is a totally awkward and relatable bookworm who really tries her best to do good by others without wanting anything in return

Pinako Rockbell? a cool af grandma who welcomes her home to anyone, has the motto "do no harm, but take no shit", takes on raising a bunch of kids without any complaints and will guilt them with home visits just cause she misses them, will not leave anyone in the cold and does not hold grudges and would probably spoil tons of kids before sending them home

[tomwambsgans]

i think a lot in general, really, about greg's culturedness (and lack thereof) and his interests, both what he's canonically known to like and what i can imagine he'd like -- and, also, what the fandom has often seemed to just decide he likes. and it's funny bc he's kinda shoehorned into the trope of the bookish type, when like... he's not, lol?

not that he couldn't be, like i do like to imagine him having been a bookworm as a kid, and getting (back) into reading through tom, but imo the wider fandom's desire to actually characterize him this way comes at best from greg being really verbose and awkward. and a little bit from the way he occasionally dresses. and like, yeah, he clearly is kinda cultured. he (probably) went to college for a period of time. he knows a lot of fun facts. particularly about animals. he's familiar with the blue danube waltz.

...and he maintains likely performative knowledge of current events prior to that being his job. he almost certainly got/gets the majority of his news through twitter. he doesn't know any philosophers or historians despite that being something ewan has clearly been talking about forever. he listens to self-help podcasts. he enjoys the in-universe equivalent to shitty marvel movies (though he's at least self aware about it and calls them mediocre). and he's got entry-level art on the wall of his office.

he's also often figured to be a musichead - and yeah, i like the idea of midwest/canadian emo greg. death cab and weezer and records from the 70s, especially as a teenager. But the only music we know for a fact that he listens to is rap. and i think the reason that this (and similar) facts are touched on so little by the fandom (including myself, ngl) is that it's a point of non-relatability for people. so much of greg is deeply relatable, as well as aesthetically aspirational. but the bits that aren't relatable, particularly for tumblr users, are really unrelatable. acknowledging some of greg's few canonical interests (especially just working with how few there even are without inventing new ones) creates an image of a whole different and kinda uncomfortable type of guy. whether it's the fact alone that it's rap (which i'm sure is not a common interest among tumblr's userbase), or the specific discomfort of the vibe that greg gives off re: enjoying it, that has to be what's going on. or a big part of it.

also i obviously don't think there's anything wrong with headcanoning particular interests and just assuming that we barely have an opportunity to see them, but i do think it's noteworthy that in general we very rarely if ever hear greg make any cultural references, especially compared to other characters. my personal take on this is that a combination of 1) a pathological need to Fit In, 2) being a stoner for possibly all his formative years, 3) genuinely not having access to a lot for a while, and 4) putting focus mainly into conventional success for the show's timeline, has helped craft a greg who just did/does not interact with media very much or very deeply. unlike others, he has not been afforded that leisure time.

it's the desperation to convince ourselves that greg is not the Normie With Nothing Going On Upstairs that he sometimes seems like, i think, that mostly motivates all this. he's simultaneously too relatable and too unrelatable for the average viewer. like, when you relate to any of the sibs you're perfectly ready to ignore the parts of their life that are related to their wealth and to focus only on the family aspects, bc that's what matters. there isn't the same kind of wall between the audience and greg, so he inevitably gets reshaped. not just getting toploaded with headcanons but having the character traits that influence his canon interests, or vice versa, ignored.

(NOT trying to conflate liking rap with being uncultured btw, just the fact that we don't know of almost anything else he likes, and it appears so little anyway and doesn't seem in line with the rest of his aesthetic and therefore feels easy to ignore. and liking marvel movies DOES in fact make you seem less cultured, so.)

thing is, i think there's a lot you can do without compromising greg's core traits and a lot of it is just up to personal taste and what any given person wants to project onto him. in any case it IS very congruent with canon that greg would develop new interests, or deepen more shallow ones, throughout the timeline of the show and especially after. he's got more time and money and opportunities now. he has a favorite champagne now. greg's journey is partially, ostensibly, one of him honing his taste.

[simbico]

Sims Get To Know Me

Tagged by @damseljamsel @simsdastra 💜  (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)

I put it under a cut because it’s quite long. I didn’t know who to tag because I’m so late to posting this with everything that has been going on. 

What’s your favorite sims death? I never thought of this one... Maybe death by pufferfish nigiri because the ghost has a little pufferfish floating inside them and I think that’s cute because I really like puffer fish (not to eat). I’d love to have a little puffer fish buddy with me in the afterlife.

Alpha CC or MaxisMatch? I lean towards MaxisMatch most in my game but I don’t mind the aesthetic of alpha either. There’s some nice alpha stuff out there.

Do you cheat your sims weight? I have only because no matter what I do, toddlers living on the long lifespan always gain a lot of weight (the calorie system in the game is kinda weird) but outside of that I haven’t (although I never adjusted Fern’s weight when she aged up because I just decided not to for no reason whatsoever).

Do you move objects? Yep! I could not live without it in Sims 4.

Favorite Mod? I don’t have one favorite mod so naming one is difficult. I could not enjoy this game without the majority of mods I have. More Traits In CAS is one of my faves because having those extra traits through the life stages has helped create some depth to my sims’ personalities, at least in my mind. It’s helped to keep my interest in playing longer than a few months.

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack? I bought everything in the order it came out for Sims 1, 2, and 3. For Sims 4 (iirc): Get To Work/Outdoor Retreat/Perfect Patio

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing? aLIVE.

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? It’s a tie between Hector and Sophie. (Most of my faves have been born in-game)

Have you made a simself? Yep! Back when it was still just the CAS demo. I don’t have her around anymore though.

Which Sim traits do you give yourself? Social Awkward, Cat Lover, Creative, probably Gloomy too if I’m honest.😅 (But I don’t show that side of me to others, a lot of people think I’m Cheerful. lol)

Which is your favorite EA hair color? That light brown shade that was added around when Snowy Escape came out.

Favorite EA hair? I don’t think I have one.... I have some I don’t care for... I just like that there’s finally a variety of hair types/styles that aren’t just straight hair.

Favorite life stage? I don’t think I have one... I have the most fun when I have a variety of life stages to play (although it can feel overwhelming sometimes).

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? Gameplay. I don’t mind building in Sims 4 but it’s rare when I’m having a good time doing it.

Are you a CC creator? Nope. I tried to recolour the kids’ bicycles and gave up. lol I might try again but I need the time and focus to do it.

Do you have any simblr friends/ a sim squad? I guess it depends on how those are defined since people define them differently. I do know a lot of really awesome people on here who I enjoy interacting with though. 🙂

What’s your favorite game? Right now it flips between Sims 4 and Genshin Impact. Used to also be Overwatch, which I still enjoy on occasion, but not as much as I used to.

Do you have any sims merch? Nope.

Do you have a YouTube for sims? Nope. I have the charisma of a wilted lettuce.

How has your « sims style » changed throughout your years of playing? I went from creating haunted houses in TS1 to playing legacy style in Sims 2 and beyond (and creating a haunted house by more ethical means). I only ever managed to finish one legacy family to 10 generations and that family will forever be lost somewhere on Live Journal as it should be. (I have a picture chart of all their faces though.)

What’s your origin id? Simbico but I don’t have anything worth looking at on there. It’s usually for my own backups.

Who’s your favorite CC creator? It’s hard because I have so many I like and not just one favorite. 😭 But RavenSim is one of my many favorites because their hair helps make my sims’ infants/toddlers/kids even cuter!

How long have you had simblr? According to my first Sims 3 post, at least since 2011 but I did abandon it for a long time. I was so happy seeing some familiar simblrs still posting when I came back. 😊

How do you edit your pictures? I used to use Photoshop but now I just use Reshade. I use a really old version of Photoshop from 2012 for cropping and stuff but I tend to not do much more than that. I don’t have the time with the amount of pictures I take. lol

What expansion/ gamepack is your favorite? TS1 - Makin’ Magic | TS2 - Open For Business | TS3 - Pets | TS4 - Growing Together, maybe tied with Country Living (the EP that kept bringing me back).

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

hi it's me again lol i started watching spy x family and omfg. i get the hype now. it's so good

matchup(s) for spy x family, bsd and haikyuu pls!! i added some more details

some facts abt my appearance lol: im 4'9 (i am fr), kind of chubby, brown filipino, dark brown hair. also im an istj. 5w6 based on a quiz i took some months ago.

in terms of personality, im naturally quiet lol i can't help it. even when im around ppl i like, im still on the listeners side unless i have something good to say. otherwise im sorry but you'll have to be the one to start convos 😭

my jokes are mean so im kind of afraid to joke around unless ik they can argue back jokingly. and aren't sensitive. i'm also kind of blunt to the point that it's sometimes a problem. i'll apologize obv but man it makes me a little antisocial lol

in spite of istj stereotypes, i (try to) give my criticism very gently. i try to make sure that the other person knows im not judging or insulting but giving advice. i'm blunt but not that blunt

i like helping ppl out & taking care of others, actually. i like feeling appreciated/needed by others. tbh, it's why im aiming to become a nurse if i pass the exams. if i don't, i still want something along those lines. :))

hobbies: reading (aka prowling around in libraries), watching shows, i like cooking too but idk if it counts bc i don't have many opportunities to do it

aesthetic: coquette, femme fatale sort of thing. laces, bows, frills, etc. i like everything on me modest tho

likes : coffee, any hot drink, reading (tho i don't have the mind power these days lol) , scary movies, ghost hunting videos, history docs, romance but with awkward fmcs. taking walks, and... pink.

dislikes : cluttered spaces (i can't handle stuff just being thrown around. i need even a bit of organisation. not much of a clean freak but i need to know where everything is), crowded and noisy places, non-specific instructions (stresses me out fr), not submitting stuff on time bc its embarrassing, awkward situations (ex. meeting someone for the first time)

have a great timezone!! hope ur food is always warm unless u want it cold 🍲

Hi! Thank you for your request! I took out the Bungo Stary Dogs matchup since you mentioned you've already got one before. Sorry this took so long. I hope you like your matchups!

In Spy x Family, I match you with...

This was a close call between Loid and Yuri, but I think you’d get along slightly better with Loid due to his less boisterous personality.

Loid loves cooking with you and taking walks. There’s not a lot in his life that he finds relaxing but spending quality time with you doing something as mundane as walking or cooking helps him take a load off.

Very clean so no need to worry about clutter. He does his fair share of housekeeping, so you also don’t have to worry about being run off your feet trying to keep the house clean all by yourself.

Admires your desire to help people. That’s one of the main reasons he became a spy, so he values that trait in others greatly. It makes him feel like he can trust you.

Loid is amazing at making you feel needed and appreciated without forcing you to work too hard for it. You hung up his coat for him? Thank you so much. You set the table for dinner before he got home? That’s great, it means you can cook together and have dinner earlier now.

In Haikyuu, I match you with...

You and Kiyoko are the quiet (and kind of intimidating) power couple. While you can both be a bit standoffish, you do like helping people and genuinely care about those close to you.

I see Kiyoko as someone who enjoys watching history documentaries and ghost hunting videos. They’re very different from what people think of when they see her, but I think she finds them intriguing.

Loves taking walks with you! There’s nothing better than being able to finish up with the volleyball team and walking home with the person you care about most.

Speaking of the volleyball team, there’s absolutely no way there’s ever going to be a peaceful or quiet moment with them around. If you’re still uncomfortable in noisy places like this, Kiyoko’s more than happy to meet up with you somewhere quieter.

Sometimes she needs to vent about school or her commitments with the team so she’s very grateful you’re there to lend an ear. Please know that she’s there for you if you ever need to talk as well.

[thebarefootking]

I know I just sent you an ask about despe/hiromu, but if you're still taking requests can I get your thoughts on douki too? I too adore this little gremlin man, and I adore the way you write about wrestling.

I have been beating my head against the wall for DAYS, trying to figure out how to answer this ask. I got so stressed out over my own inequality to the task that I had an unsatisfactory dream about meeting Douki (in full ring gear) on public transportation, where we had a painfully awkward and brief social encounter. None of this is your fault, nonny. I appreciate being made to think. Douki is just fucking confusing, I have lots of feelings about him, he's my Favorite of Favorites, and I genuinely just don't know what to write or where to start. I'm going to give it a solid try, though. Please forgive my tardiness, and enjoy these three songs that inevitably give me Douki feels.

----------------------------------- Sometimes in life, there is no sensible avenue to your destination. Sometimes, the most reasonable route between point A and point B is a freefall. Although I am no longer practicing, I spent my entire childhood and youth in an environment that prioritised, over and above everything else, religious faith and the mystical experience thereof. I am also in possession of a brain with both bipolar and adhd. These facts combine to form a person deeply prone to perceiving meaning, intention, and importance in places where others do not -- and, sometimes, to acting impulsively on these perceptions. Is it any surprise that such a person would find resonance in a character like Douki? Douki, who attests that everything has meaning? Douki, who responded to rejection by hauling ass to a different continent, with no prospects, no money, and no ability to speak the local language. Douki, who returned to Japan with the intention of kicking Jun Kasai's ass -- by showing up to a deathmatch entirely unarmed, even his teeth covered by his mask. Douki, with the anger of a martyr and the patience of a thief. Until suddenly... that's not quite right at all. Douki, whose greatest wrestling strength is -- not his unique and experimental moveset, not his stylised presentation, not even his commitment, but -- his absolute gameness. His readiness to, at the drop of a hat (even, I have my suspicions from watching him closely, when he is working injured -- though I wish he had both the ability and willingness to not fucking do that; this Moose's heart can't take that shit), to 'yes-and' the hell out of whatever he is given.

Oh? You beefed it on your finisher? You're gonna do something batshit off the top rope to distract everyone? Sure, I'll catch you with my smaller, wobbling, clearly injured body which is currently incapable of performing even my most familiar moves with any amount of grace. We'll make it look cool as hell! Nobody will even notice that you botched the most important move of the match -- and if they do, now they can't say a fucking word about it without sounding like an asshole. Oh? My old training buddy from Mexico just returned from his second major injury in three years? He needs to look badass to prove he's recovered and like his old self for now so that people question it less when he gradually changes his style to something that will keep him in the business longer? Bet. We know each other in the ring like butter knows toast. We can both bring it. ... 'Barricade'? What's that? And so on. Every damn time. If you give him something to work with, he will spin it into gold. This has the unfortunate downside of making his matches a little hit-or-miss; if his chemistry with his opponent or partner is bad or if they give him little to work with, he frequently fails to deliver -- creativity and impulsivity are traits of his, but pure initiative in the ring is something he seems to struggle with, at times (though I note he's getting better, and some of this deficit is apparent only, and due to questionable booking). (Jesus, that sentence got away from me.) Of course Douki appeals to me. He has an unassailable faith. Perhaps it's Minoru Suzuki's 'faith in the future' he once ascribed to the man who would become El Desperado -- perhaps something more enigmatic. I have a hard time sussing out exactly what is going on in Douki's head at any given moment, and he often does things that surprise me, in a way that someone like Despe usually does not. (Example: 07/01/2023 in CMLL when Douki let his teammate Zandokan Jr. shake him around by the skull, and his response appeared to be utter delight. What even was that? I think Zando's the best thing since sliced bread, and even I'd probably be pretty damn unsettled if he grabbed me from behind by the cranium and started shaking. And afaik, that was their first time working together. Fucking weird vibes that whole match.) (I need more of that shit, actually.) Douki's a hard read for me in general, so I'm not confident in my assessment, on this one. But it feels like he has faith in the process. Probably not in the future, maybe not in himself, and certainly not in the system. He has faith in the process of life, in the journey, in the getting-there. And that's why there's no one better at throwing himself into a freefall when necessary than Douki. He knows how to build his wings on the way down, and he's done it a thousand times before. (Tbh, I think Hiromu learned more than just the physics of the Douki Bomb from him. I think he might have gleaned enough of the philosophy to greatly ease his path.)

[dorefasolsido]

27. Just my MBTI obsession peeking

1. What's your type?

INTP.

2. What's your mother's type?

Last time I forced her to take a test, ESTJ.

3. What's your father's type?

ISTJ.

4. What are your siblings' types?

My sister is an ESTP.

5. What is the type of your current partner?

No partner here.

5a. What are your children's types?: (Don't respond if you don't have any, or if their too young to know their type).

And no children either.

6. What is the type of your most significant partner?

So the person I was in this situationship with claimed to be an INTP too. However, after all's been said and done, I really think she's kind of like a chameleon and picks up traits of those around her or pushes to the forefront those she thinks you'd find desirable. In reality, I think she's probably ENFP.

7. What's your best friend's type?

INFJ. Golden pair, y'all.

8. What are your other friend's types?

So I have two INFJs, two INFPs (though one is very questionable), one ENFJ (who I personally suspect to be ENFP, but I'm not sure), and one ENFP. I just realized I have no T friends :o

9. What's your enemies type?

Lol I don't have an enemy... unless >.>

10. Which type do you feel you get along with best?

Nothing beats my connection with INFJs, but I find INFPs very charming too. Also, Sensors are underrated, it can be nice to have a few around.

11. Which type do you tend to have poor experiences with?

Ahm, well only ENFPs. Not even all ENFPs, but the one bad experience I had was oof.

12. If you could transform into any type, which one would you choose?

ENTP. They're like a cooler, more talkative version of us. More annoying too, but they don't seem to be bothered by that lol

13. You get stranded on a desert island. Which three types do you want stranded with you? Why?

ISTP because of their calmness and practical skills, ENTJ to organize everything, aaand maybe an INFJ so I can vibe with someone.

14. The zombie apocalypse is upon us. Which three types would you not want in your survivor's group? Why?

ENTP because they'd try to argue with zombies and get us all in trouble, ISFP because I just feel like that situation would be too overwhelming for them, and ESFP because same reason actually. I know an ESFP and he does not deal with pressure well. Maybe it's just him, but yeah.

15. If you were going to have children, which type would you NOT want your child to be the most?

Tbh I really have no preferences here. I just know that an ESTJ or ENTJ child would bully me for sure, but that's life sometimes.

16. If you had to choose a movie that perfectly represents your type, which one would you pick?

Inception, probably.

17. If you had to pick a song which perfectly represented your type, which one would you pick?

Lateralus by Tool.

18. Which mbti pairing do you think deserves the title of "The Golden Pair"? What's your favourite fictional romance that you think represents this pairing most accurately?

Oh I was just talking about Golden Pair with me and my best friend lol. So I guess I do believe INTPxINFJ is pretty golden, but I can't think of any pairing that would represent this.

19. Which drug do you think is metaphorically the most similar to your type?

LSD.

20. What's your best personality trait that corresponds with your type?

Being able to answer "It depends" to almost any existing question.

Oh wait, that's one of my more annoying personality traits. Well, I guess open-mindedness, creativity.

21. What's your worst personality trait that corresponds with your type?

Struggling to establish a proper bond with others, being super awkward.

22. What is one fact about your personality that completely defies all stereotypes associated with your mbti type?

I don't think feelings are useless at all. In fact, I admire people who are in touch with them and can express them freely, and I wish I knew how to do that without feeling like I want to run away to Mars from embarrassment.

I rely on logic a lot but I don't think that's a great thing -- it just makes me rationalize my feelings instead of experiencing them and then it all gets confusing and tangled and results in some proper mental chaos.

Ah the joys of being an INTP.

[hauntedselves]

here's the big self dx email i'm going to send to my psychologist. (the diagnostic parts of it at least). i prefaced it with a bunch of "please don't think i'm being attention seeking though attention seeking is part of npd which i'm self dx'ing as having traits of so if that counts towards it then you can totally think i'm being attention seeking but i've put a hell of a lot of time and thought into this i didnt just read the dsm criteria and decide i had it thanks~"

Schizotypal Personality Disorder: I know there’s a lot of overlap with autism and borderline personality disorder, but I really think I meet the criteria for a 3 of those separately. I honestly think I meet every single criteria for schizotypal PD to at least some degree.

Ideas of reference – I do get these, I tend to see “signs” and omens in a lot of things, like songs on the radio or a particular bird flying overhead. They tend to be small things that I notice and think that it’s directed at me or meant for me to see.

Odd beliefs or magical thinking - One thing is that I often see something nearby (usually my glasses case or something similarly non-reflective) flashing and when I look directly at it it stops, and I get the feeling that it’s being “cheeky”. I guess some of my more psychotic thoughts fit here too (I talk about them below). One thing I have is that I feel like I need to watch any plane or helicopter that flies over until I can’t see it anymore because if I don’t it’ll explode and then all the people will die, which will be my fault because I didn’t watch it to make sure it doesn’t happen. Even though I know that doesn’t make any sense and hundreds of planes fly around without me ever seeing them and they’re perfectly safe! I also avoid looking at myself in mirrors at night because the “mirror demons” can get me then.

Unusual perceptions/illusions – apparently dissociation comes under this which we know I experience a lot. Also apparently it’s fairly common for people with schizotypal personality disorder to feel like their faces look weird or not really recognising themselves which I struggle with, though that could also be dissociation.

Odd thinking & speech - I think this one is more for other people to judge than me. I think my thoughts are different to others but of course I don’t know other’s thoughts so I’m only going off people not understanding me when I try to explain something in a way that makes perfect sense to me. (I’ve had this problem with essays, where my teachers don’t get how I got to a conclusion or what my reasoning is when it makes sense to me).

Suspicion or paranoia – I get paranoid a lot when I’m driving and someone seems to be following me, for example. I’ve sometimes gone down a different street or taken a different route when I don’t need to so I can “shake them”. The two times I’ve been in hospital I get paranoid about the medication they give me, I’m scared it’s going to be some kind of mind control drug or something other than what it is. (Doesn’t stop me from taking it though).

Inappropriate or flat emotional affect – Also something more for others to judge and not me. Also part of autism so I don’t know.

Strange behaviour or appearance – Another one for others to judge. I don’t think I do have strange behaviour or looks aside from what could be dismissed as autistic awkwardness.

Lack of close friends, other than family – yes. I did have one friend but she stopped talking to me and I don’t know why. I didn’t make any friends throughout uni, (granted 2 years were fully online), and I was on good terms with the people in my class at Tafe but not enough to keep in contact with them.

Social anxiety – We’ve talked about social anxiety before. I remember when I was seeing [old psych] she asked about it and I said it was like a fear of being seen, as in known/understood. Like I’m scared of getting close to people I guess. Which I also want which makes it tricky! I don’t really want friends because I find other people so hard to relate to and figure out, but I do also want friends, I get lonely.

Obsessive ruminations – I do have these and I’ve talked about it below. I think a lot about things like violence and gore and cannibalism (ties into my werewolf thing) but it doesn’t disturb me. I think a lot about sex as well but not in a fantasising way, just… thinking about it. I often have the exact same thought multiple times a day, sometimes quickly and sometimes hours in between. It gets to the point where I tell myself “I’ve already thought about all this, stop going over it again and again!”. There’s one particular thought that I’ve had pop into my head for years, it’s the exact same sentence every time.

Dyscalculia: I’m not sure if this is in some other medical ballpark or psychological, so I don’t know if you’re the right person to talk to about this one, but I’m 100% sure I have this.

I can’t tell the time on an analog clock, I can’t tell left from right, I failed maths in high school (and just barely passed the easiest required level of maths in college) and I would definitely fail a maths test now.

I have to count on my hands for even simple maths, I can’t look at a group of something and tell how many are there without counting them, I don’t know the times tables (even the 2x table, I get to 12 and then I have to actually think about it).

I’m terrible at budgeting and knowing how much I’ll have left over if something costs whatever amount and I have however much money.

I never remember if Tuesday or Thursday comes first which I think is a sequencing problem that’s part of dyscalculia?

I can’t read maps very well, I struggle with directions and distances, and I struggle with time (keeping track of time, how long something will take, if something takes 5 minutes I don’t know if it’s actually been 5 minutes or not).

I can’t work out money, like for example when I worked at the shop on the cash register I didn’t know how to work it (because no one showed me) so I was working out the change by hand and always got it wrong (the customers would have to tell me which was always embarrassing!).

Apparently spatial awareness and proprioception issues are part of dyscalculia too which I definitely struggle with (learning to drive was scary because of this). (Also an autism thing).

Schizoid Personality Disorder: I think I have some traits of this but not the full on thing. This one also overlaps with autism (and schizotypal and borderline personality disorders) so I’m willing to accept it’s just that.

Doesn’t enjoy close relationships - yes and no. I like friendships but not making them, and they often seem a lot more trouble than they’re worth. But I still get lonely.

Almost always chooses to be alone – yes, I’m much more comfortable alone than with others. Some of it is social anxiety, some of it is just… it’s nicer that way.

Asexual – yes, we’ve talked about that. Though I would like to mention I’m also bisexual, on the very rare occasions when I am attracted to people.

Finds little pleasure in activities – sometimes, though I think this is more of a depression thing. I do struggle with anhedonia & avolition a fair bit though

Lacks close friends, other than family – already talked about above.

Appears indifferent to praise or criticism – yeah… I like getting praise but I also don’t really care if I don’t? Unless it’s something super important to me. Same with criticism, I don’t care unless it’s very important.

Flat/cold emotional affect – also something for other people to judge.

(These are from the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual):

Highly sensitive, shy, easily overstimulated – I’m not highly sensitive but I am shy and easily overwhelmed. That’s probably just autism though.

Fear of & longing for closeness – Yes, already talked about that

Emotional pain when overstimulated – I don’t really know what this means, unless it’s talking about emotions being overwhelming when you’re already overwhelmed? Which is true for me.

Feels like dependency and love are dangerous – I do feel like this sometimes but I think it’s more of a trauma response

Physically withdraws and mentally withdraws into fantasy – yes, but also a trauma/dissociation/autism thing

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: this one I’m not so sure of… I feel like the furthest away from narcissistic as you can get. But at the same time I relate to a lot of the more covert symptoms and experiences, though again that might just be the result of other things like borderline personality disorder and autism.

Grandiosity - One thing I attribute to this is what I call “selfish selflessness”, where I want to be the best at caring for people (mum, mostly). I want to be the most caring and thoughtful person but not because it’s a good thing to be or it benefits others, but because it would make people think highly of me. I’m thinking of the benefits I get from benefiting others. It’s so I will be appreciated, I will be the favourite child/friend/etc, I will be the most loving (and therefore the most loved…) – I’m doing nice things for others for me, not for them, even though they think it’s for them (and I let them think that). (Obviously other people are just happy that I’m doing whatever nice thing for them so it’s not actually a problem, I just don’t think this is why you’re supposed to do it!). I also see myself as superior to people who don’t do nice things for others. For example if I do something nice for mum but none of my siblings do, I think of myself as better than them.

Fantasies of power/success/ideal love - do revenge fantasies count as power, and imagining your ideal life [of being an unemployed hermit on a small farm lol] as success? Does “ideal” have to mean in a “this is what capitalist society sees as ideal” or can it be a personal ideal?

Belief of being special/unique - well… yeah… in a “I’m special/unique because I’m [insert marginalised identity] and therefore should be treated differently/better” way? like, “I’m The Most Mentally Ill”..

Requires admiration – I don’t know about this one… I do feel like I need positive/impressed reactions to my social media posts but I think that’s probably pretty normal

Sense of entitlement - see above

Exploitative - yeah, but like I said above, it’s a hidden sort of exploitation where others think it benefits them too

Lacks empathy - I don’t think I feel empathy, or at least not very much. I find it hard to believe that people actually feel what other people are feeling… how would anyone get anything done if they’re feeling other people’s emotions as well as their own! I don’t think my lack of empathy is a problem (I don’t lack compassion which I think is more important), I just wanted to make a note of it.

Envious or believes others are envious of them - Not really. I am envious in terms of like “I wish I was rich so I didn’t have to struggle through life” or “I wish I had a caring partner like so-and-so” but I think that’s normal

Arrogant - internally, yes, but not outwardly?

I think I do have fragile self-esteem & need others to boost it, but only to some extent. I’m also not a perfectionist.

There’s a psychologist named Elinor Greenberg whose written about “covert narcissism” which I think I fit some of. She says covert narcissists are conflicted about attention because they’re scared of it but also craves and needs it. I think that’s true for me, but it also sounds more like a trauma response than narcissism. She talks about using ‘acts of service’ as their way of being admired, which I mentioned before. She also says that people with covert narcissism have trouble with assertiveness and have trouble saying no, which we know I struggle with.

Some kind of eating disorder. Ones that stand out for me in particular: Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder, Anorexia Nervosa. These are tricky because it might just be autism sensory issues plus gender dysphoria and internalised fatphobia, but it also might not be. When I was living alone I would have definitely fit the bill for binge eating disorder, but since moving back home I don’t anymore. That’s just one to keep an eye on for when I move out again. Anorexia I think is more in my thoughts than my actions, since my actions (i.e. avoiding food) are more driven by sensory issues and executive functioning. But I definitely have thoughts and urges of food restriction. So another one to keep an eye on. I just remembered that we once talked about this and how it could be a sort of “subconscious self-deprivation”, like a “you don’t deserve to eat” thing rather than a “don’t eat so you’ll get skinny” thing. Though it definitely has elements of both. Plus the hunger cues problems we’ve talked about before, and the general disinterest in food and sensory issues. I also hate eating food in public because I feel like I’m being judged, which is probably around body image and fatphobia and maybe schizotypal ideas of reference?

Possibly Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder: we’ve spoken before about attention and executive functioning problems, and how it can be because of dissociation (and autism?). I’m on the fence about this one, I know ADHD and autism have a lot of overlap. I definitely don’t have any hyperactive symptoms (except sometimes restlessness but that’s probably normal now and then). But I relate a lot to what I hear people with ADHD say about their attention problems and need for stimulation.

If something is boring, I have a really hard time getting myself to do it, and we’ve talked a lot about procrastination problems.

I have trouble paying attention for more than say, half an hour at most. (I admit I zone out during our sessions occasionally…).

I have trouble planning out things like assignments, I find it easier just to jump in. But that often makes my essays seem all over the place and unstructured. (I also never proofread them or did drafts or anything which didn’t help…).

I’ve always had this problem where my brain is just. really noisy? It got better when I started antidepressants (I remember telling the doctor who prescribed them that my brain was quieter and she gave me this weird look) but it’s still such a problem that it interferes with getting to sleep. It feels like there’s “layers” to my thoughts, with conscious thinking on top and then underneath there’s subconscious thinking (things like, “I’m hungry”, “it’s raining” etc), usually a song or two playing, a daydream, a clip from a movie or a part of a book (I don’t think this is what most people mean when they say something is “playing on their mind” but for me it’s literally like there’s a DVD player in my brain with whatever part of a movie I’m thinking about playing on a loop)

Whenever I read someone’s experience of getting medicated for ADHD I always wish that I could try ADHD medication because it sounds amazing.

I also think I have auditory processing issues which seem linked to ADHD (also not sure if that’s a psychiatric thing or a medical thing).

There’s an ADHD expert (Richard Barkley...?) who’s come up with something called “sluggish cognitive tempo” which I relate to a lot. All that said, I know that ADHD has a lot of overlap with autism so it could just be that.

Possibly Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder traits: mostly because of my obsession with diagnoses, really. I had symptoms of this when I was a kid (repetitive hand washing, obsessing over natural disasters, impulses around symmetry and needing things to be Just Right…) and probably would’ve been diagnosed if I had seen someone about it then, but not now. I think it was probably some kind of trauma response? I think I ruminate a lot now (as in schizotypal PD) but not to an OCD degree, except I am obsessive about finding disorders that I may or may not have. I do find it interesting but I don’t really get any joy out of it, and it takes up a lot of my time, which is why I’ve thought sometimes about having traits of OCD (definitely not the full disorder though).

Complex PTSD: you’ve said “complex trauma” a lot but I don’t know what that means in a diagnostic sense. I think we’ve spoken enough about trauma that I don’t really need to justify why I think I have CPTSD.

Emotional dysregulation – we’ve talked about this a lot

Feeling worthless & guilty/ashamed – yes.

Relationship problems – I don’t know… I’ve talked a fair bit about relationships in the above parts. I do feel like I don’t really belong a lot. Like I’m different from other people in some deep, fundamental way and not in a good or special sense.

Plus PTSD & trauma symptoms and DID and dissociation…

I also want to bring up some reoccurring psychotic thoughts I have. The werewolf/dog one is there all the time, though sometimes stronger than other times (full moons always). The other most frequent one is being dead, which is there say… 8 days out of 10. I also quite often believe that my cat is actually a very lifelike robot. The other reoccurring ones are feeling like I only exist when others are interacting with me (which we already talked about and probably is more a dissociation/trauma thing but I think it could be both that and psychosis-ish) and sometimes I feel like I’m a prophet of some kind. I don’t know for who. It’s more feeling sort of like a god or like I’m supposed to have some higher purpose I guess. I also believe there’s a little wolf (sometimes a snake) who lives in my stomach and eats my feelings which is why it’s hard to feel them. None of these are particularly distressing except for the not existing one. I also used to think a lot that people (dad in particular) could read my mind, and to prevent my thoughts from being broadcast I would imagine a sort of cocoon around me that kept my thoughts in. I haven’t had to do that for a while, but it used to be multiple times a day. I think all of these psychotic experiences could be part of schizotypal PD but if they warrant a different disorder then I’m open to that too.

I recently found out about something called “pathological demand avoidance”… I absolutely did that as a kid and still do to some degree. That doesn’t really have anything to do with the rest of this email, I just remembered about it and wanted to note it. I guess it’s similar to the self-sabotage in borderline PD?

---

phew. that's a lot. tumblr kept telling me there was a 4096 text characters per block limit lol...

(keep in mind this was written for my psychologist as the audience and not for general tumblr so when i say "you" or "we" i'm referring to her & i, not YOU or you in a general sense. and some of it i literally copy-pasted from posts i've made here about "i think i have x" lol.

[an-anonymous-autobiography]

back in my periodic dan and phil phase and it’s making me think (WIP)

growing up i was always a bit quirky (autistic) and not like the other girls (not really a girl?) and i - was the quintessential - weird kid. i was picked on a fair bit by the other kids, some of them did give me a hard time, but the worst was from the adults. i was too weird, i didn’t behave right, i was a right stroppy teen (i had needs/boundaries), i was the one who had to be whipped into shape, i had to change to fit what was expected of me. i mean really i was kind of just asking for all of the trauma by choosing to be so strange and difficult (autistic and overwhelmed), they were just showing me some good old fashioned tough love.

this didn’t just apply to the ‘difficult’ emotions, it applied to everything. i experienced all of my emotions in the wrong way - the amount of times i was called aggressive just for being passionate about something and getting a little over exuberant. i was forced to quell my happiness because i didn’t show it properly, i felt everything too intensely and any non standard show of emotion had to be kept in check and not left to get out of hand. any chance i did get i took to far cos it was so unfamiliar to me and i didn’t know how to handle it.

i had to do things with reason, there had to be purpose, i guess there kinda had to be a demographic of sorts, someone to validate it and say yes i like this and therefore approve of you doing it.

“i want to do this” “but why?”

“who’s going to see/watch/read/like it?”

bitch? ME!! i want to do this for ME! why must my happiness need someone else’s permission?

i felt i had to justify being happy, or just purely existing. i always had to have a reason for doing things, it seemed the people around me didn’t really understand that sometimes i just wanted to do things for fun. they acted like my trying to be happy was unnatural and as a result those traits were trained out of me, as if joy is disallowed past age 8 and as if autism can be undiagnosed with enough positive thinking and discipline.

i always felt i had to be ‘proper’, and by proper i mean like, serious, mature, without frivolous intention, planned to a T. there was a right way to do things and all i knew was that i could never do it.

bringing this back to dan and phil. i’ve been watching some of their old videos, i keep watching them over again, sometimes i’ll finish one and then replay it pretty much instantly. it gives me so much nostalgia from when i was a kid, but also i can see so much of my old self in what they do. all of that joy that i wanted to experience, just simple awkward nerdy fun. people loved them for it and still do.

it’s not just them, there were/are so many people who became successful because of those traits that everyone tried so desperately to rid me of and it makes me sad to think of all i could have been if i’d just been allowed to be myself.

some of my quirks were a little too outlandish at times but i don’t think any child has a perfect grasp on the real world. i had so much promise and drive and it was taken from me for no reason

seeing all the people i knew, living their lives and being successful, getting jobs, getting degrees, getting married, etc etc. seeing all the people who were ‘worse’ than me now living more fulfilling lives than i feel i’ll ever have. hurts. it hurts to know all of the pain i went through as a kid was for nothing. it didn’t help me, i could have been far greater if i’d been able to just, be. they tried so hard to fix me and all they did was make me so much worse.

i don’t understand anything. i know nothing about the real world, no one ever thought i’d be capable of living like a normal person so i was kept from it. i feel like i was constantly forbade from just living.

it makes me so sad. so angry. all of the life i missed out on cos no one thought i could be human.

i am so tired of being half human.

i could have had a life, i could have done so much, actually been someone. but now i just hide in my room, i literally never leave the house, i don’t do anything. i’m sick of it, being forced to be no one. i’m me and i’ve always been me no matter how much you hate that and you can’t take that away from me. i am ME, you are not. you don’t know me better than i do, you barely know me at all, you don’t deserve to control me the way you do. i’d leave but you trapped me here, hid me from the outside world and got angry when i asked if i was allowed life skills. you made me into this burden you hate so much, and i’m not sorry for the pain that caused you.

███, ███ i just wish you’d take me away, let me stay with you, teach me how to be human like you are.

it’s way too early and i haven’t been to sleep yet

i’m rambling and i can barely keep my eyes open

[frostfall-matches]

[ matchmaking... ]

@anon (INTP, cinematography, languages) : [ match report ready ]

your match is…

✦ Nick Furcillo

You’re someone with a lot of sides to you, and Nick is someone who can take that in stride. All people are multi-faceted, of course, but some have a harder time opening up than others. On the surface, he appreciates that you’re friendly and good at conversation. It makes spending time with you and getting to know you that much easier! You’re genuinely kind and you have a good head on your shoulders, which puts him at ease because he figures you’re not going to drop him when he starts showing you his more pedantic or insecure sides. A lot of people get the wrong idea about him (especially when he starts picking up annoying traits from people like Jacob), but he really does cherish deep, genuine connections with people.

And speaking of being pedantic, this is obviously a trait the two of you share. Can this lead to some tension and awkward conversations if you disagree on a particular topic? Definitely, especially since you’re stubborn whereas he’d back down and shut himself off for a while. Still, it’s a trait you both share and neither of you can complain about it too much without being hypocrites. At the very least, you two will be able to understand where the other is coming from and why they care so much about the details. And when it comes to topics the two of you do agree on, it easily opens up conversation, whether it be the two of you complaining about how something is phrased or presented, or going down a rabbit hole of related topics.

Nick is in awe of your talents and interests - you are definitely a very unique person, to him at least. He recognizes how much hard work would have gone in to you becoming fluent in 3 languages, and it’s such a useful skill that he’s honestly kind of jealous. If you have any tips, please share them with him, he’s begging you! And he finds your interest in films and cinematography to be very cool. Like, sure, most people love casually watching movies, it’s a very common interest. However, most people aren’t the type to really study films and cinematography. Even Nick, he’ll be the first to admit that! Still, he really likes hearing what you have to say about particular films; hearing you talk about them and pick all those little elements apart makes him look at everything a lot differently. You can easily inspire admiration in him for all the details that make up each work.

He really craves words of affirmation. He can be really hard on himself, and it’s hard for him to really see and find pride in his own skills and abilities - especially when he thinks that other people around him are so much more capable. He’s not the type to seek out reassurance all the time, but he secretly appreciates it a lot if you notice he’s feeling a bit down and you try lifting his spirits. He also has no complaints about physical touch being one of your main love languages! As for him, he seems like he might lean towards gift giving once he gets a good handle on your likes and dislikes. He loves seeing your face light up when he gets you something, whether it be a bigger item that you’ve had your eye on for a while or something small like your favorite snack. It’s a good way for him to show you that you’re important to him without focusing on the words or physical aspects of a relationship.

Nick can appreciate a good café date! They’re a classic for a reason. Café dates are good for getting out of the house, having something tasty to drink and snack on, and allowing conversation to be more central to the date. While he thinks super active dates can be fun, he definitely prefers dates that are more low-key and relaxing. So, at-home dates are just fine in his opinion! You like to have movie dates, and he actually quite likes cooking dates. He’s good at cooking, and it can get exhausting sometimes (much less so if he’s just cooking for the two of you and not a camp full of kids), but it’s a whole different experience if you guys are trying out a new recipe together. If you’re not very good at cooking, he’d definitely good-naturedly tease you. If the recipe flops, it’s not his fault, lol.

If his in-game lines about Abi suggest anything, it’s that he likes smart people. Your INTP type is known for being an intellectual type. That type likes learning how the world works, likes exploring ideas and patterns and exchanging those ideas with others. Nick isn’t stuck in his head quite as much as you might be, but he is able to participate in intellectual conversations! He learns a lot from you and he’s proud if he causes you to consider things in a different light. Above all, he likes that you’re more likely to be rational and thoughtful with how you approach your relationship with him. He values your opinions a lot, especially since he knows you’ve likely considered many different things before coming to a conclusion.

[shxtodxroki]

hiiiii!! I saw your request is open so here I am shooting my shot hehe. I'd love to get a matchup with any male characters, so feel free to go wild with the result ♡

I go by "Angel", she/her, omnisexual, 5'2. I'm not really good at describing how I look, so here 2 pics of me (I don't have any picrew of me, so I hope you are fine with me sending you my real pics 😔👉🏻👈🏻) also, a tmi for today : I'm basically blind on my right eye but I refused to wear glasses on daily basis bcs I think I look better without it 😅

moving on to my personality, I'm an ENFP and a proud gryffindor! 🦁❤ I LOVE to talk, I can't handle silence really well bcs it makes me feel awkward. people's first impression of me are usually "she's a b" or "she is annoying" but most of em ended up loving me after they got to know me personally (RUDEEE 😭) ; anyway I actually have a lot of insecurity about myself and easily got depressed over em, but I love to act all confident in front of my friendsㅡ gotta fake it until you make it I guess 😩

for interests, I love doing tarots, playing text-based games, and listening to disney / musical songs. I also enjoy watching thriller/horror movies, sometimes I got scared to the bones tho 💀

another thing about me is I have a chronic insomnia, my earliest bedtime is 8 am (I know its very unhealthy 😭😭😭) sometimes I can go a day or two without sleep, it's crazy how I'm still alive tbh 🥲

OMG I OVERSHARED DIDN'T I? I'm really sorryyyy, this also one of my bad traits. I tend to overshare my life with anyone and anytime. I hope you don't mind :(

well I guess this is it??? thank you for opening up your matchup request. can't wait to read the result aaaa. have a good daaay 🌸

First of all I want to say don’t worry about oversharing at all, the more you tell me about yourself the better I can make your match-up so all the information you included was super helpful for me actually! Thank you for sending in a match-up request, and I hope you enjoy your match-up below :>

I’d Match You With: 

Denki Kaminari!

Reasoning:

I did a lot of thinking with this one, there were a couple of characters I was considering but in the end I felt like Denki fit the best with you. He loves your bold personality and you share a lot of interests, and overall he’s just really infatuated with you and would be the perfect boyfriend to go alongside you :D

Headcanons About Your Relationship:

- Denki is not a big fan of silence either, it makes him feel awkward so between the two of you you’re pretty much always talking about something, there’s never a moment of silence in your relationship :) He even has a list of dumb quotes you’ve both said to each other in his phone because of how much you both talk whenever you're together lol

- If anyone’s ever rude to you or accuses you of being “annoying” or “bitchy” without getting to know, you Denki will 100% stand up for you! He isn’t letting anybody treat you that way and he will immediately get on them about how you’re an amazing, lovely person, and they’re the ones being rude by judging you without even knowing you personally :)

- Denki knows how it feels to put on a confident face and try to “fake it ‘till you make it”, he has a pretty similar mindset himself actually. So he understands how you feel, and he makes sure you know that when you do need to let down those confident walls and show/talk about your insecurities, he’s more than happy to talk with you, to comfort and reassure you (And he hopes you’d do the same for him in return) <3

- Denki is, like, the #1 fan of Disney songs lol, he loves them just as much as you do and the other students around your dorms kinda hate it lol because they always hear you two blasting Disney music and singing along at like 3am

- Denki’s pretty scared of horror movies honestly, but he can have fun watching them if they’re not too scary, so he’ll watch them with you sometimes because he wants to make you happy :) Plus, even though he's pretty scared, he likes being your big strong boyfriend that can protect you if you do end up getting scared, it helps him ignore his own fears lol

- Denki definitely doesn’t stay up as late as you, but he’s no stranger to pulling all-nighters so usually when the two of you have sleepovers together he doesn’t end up falling asleep until at least 5am because he wants to spend as much time with you as he can :)

- Whenever you two pull all-nighters, though, you always follow it up with lots of naps the next day. Even if you have class, Denki can see you starting to get tired and he wants to make sure that you get some sleep now that you’re actually feeling tired, so the second class ends Denki’s dragging you with him to his dorms and piling blankets on top of the two of you as you cuddle and nap together ^^

- Also, you never have to worry about oversharing when it comes to Denki, nothing is oversharing to him when it comes to you. Like I mentioned earlier, he’s happy to listen to you talk about absolutely anything at any time, so never worry about talking too much or telling him too much about something because he wants to know everything he can about you and your life, he just loves you so much <3

Song For Your Relationship:

Shivers by Ed Sheeran :)

[katapunberbicara]

Living in the contradictory

I picture myself as an open book easily to be read, as I am used to spill about my thoughts and my feelings in everywhere [the fact that I am writing about it right here has proved it]. I am so easy to talk to someone else I have first met. My closest ones found that was astonishing when I could have small talk comfortably to the driver while going home after having hectic days. From the topic about his financial condition to the political preference. And also, my sister could not understand how I could have a night long talk and make a new friend with someone I had met for a secon. Even we talked about personal things.

Certain thing also surprised me how I could get along with my english tutor at the first meet, and even thought her as my own friends so I could be so bubbly and even shared my values. 

I just somehow found some joys when interacting with people.

But, there are times I feel like I don't want to talk at all, 

if I would be only an outsider. 

I don't like being in the awkward situation so I would avoid coming in that situation, whether by staying in the room, pretending asleep in the car, or looking busy with the phone.

I figure out that I like interacting more with small amount of people. With such small group, I could feel comfortably to discuss about personal condition or some issues or ideas. My younger version was struggling to find someone whom she could talk to about ideas at the age of many people used to talk about others business.

Hence, when feeling so comfortably, I face some problems about maintaining boundaries and regulating emotions. Sometimes I could deeply empathise with others. When feeling attached to someone else, I am used to absorb their emotions and feelings as if it's mine. And so do their problem is mine. I feel responsible to solve their issues or look for solution. I am pushing myself to be what so called with problem solver or solution maker, because I hate seeing all things passing through without I could help. 

Not only stopping at that, I always think that everyone is as nice as to be my friends. Sometimes my actions could be too much. I was sorry if I talk too much only about myself. Because if someone was too quiet I could be so loud. And if someone was so loud, I could be the quiet one.

At one moment, my tutor even said that I am still unsure about how I really am. Sometimes I could be spontaneous, silly, but sometimes I could be calm, overthink, and strategic. At some point I agree with her, but my reason is, I am used to be fluid depending on the medium I was in. Born as a middle child, I should be able to be an older sister and a younger sister as well. Living at the dorm since senior high school until college had made me able to position myself around different type of people. Also, when pursuing master degree, I have met many friends from different age and educational background, thus we should be able to understand each condition. I am used to in the environment that is prone to the conflict. Hence, my way of surviving is to be neutral and to fit in every occasion.

Hence, I learn that everyone is different, but we still have something in common that would gather us. Hence, having many paradox accumulating within has shaped the me today. I can make friends with many group of people. And I have wide range of tolerance about people. But, for something like core value, I am very strict and legit. If someone is violated my value or someone I value, just wait because I can't bear it. 

But dealing with the duality within me is something I am still working on. I face difficulties to deal with it. People may find that is weird, even I do feel the same. But now, I just want to see it as a positive side of me who have the adaptability in any kind of situation and environment. I guess, it's been on my genetical traits to have such that and to choose such road in life. 

Then I figure it out that I am the type who like learning environment where I can keep growing and not remain the same. Realising that I am used to be able copying the medium I am in, I often ask my friends to join certain things. Then, after discussing it with my friends who has same value with me, rather than keep looking for it, let's say the suitable or supporting environment, why don't we create that environment that would suit our grow??

Central Jakarta, 5th September 2022 | ©Hairatunnisa

[shotorozu]

i feel like im annoying lol but here i am again 🥴

🥴 how do da boys react to a super bimbo mc like shes busty, sweet, innocent, helpful as much as she can be and doesnt really realize when people are hitting on her, she just thinks theyre being extra friendly. (Tamaki, izuku, shoto, denki, bakougo) or any of ur choice

Sorry if I’m being annoying ( •᷄ὤ•᷅)？ and tysm

bimbo s/o

character(s) : bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto, amajiki tamaki (bnha)

probably (?) part one // ?

legend : [Y/N = your name] female! s/o, quirk not specific

headcanon type : fluff, crack (x reader)

note(s) : sooo 🤩 it’s my birthday tomorrow, not excited about that?? not sure! but im definitely gonna post more tomorrow, just because

»»————-　♡　————-««

bakugou katsuki

you didn’t seem like his type tbh. you’re kinda an airhead, and you’re sweet and helpful to everyone

and awfully innocent,,

so, you seemed like the person that bakugou would try and stay away from, but nope!

not in this case. i’m not sure what conspired in this explosive blond’s head, but he had a oddly specific attraction to you

he used to hate being around you, but it’s also quite entertaining being around you but why, you may ask?

not only are you super nice, and helpful, but you’re very likable too! which caused you to get secret admirers, and fanboys

but you also so happen to be clueless as fuck, so katsuki would always stick around— obviously very amused, only to tell you what their true intentions are

“what do they mean, go out? like,, outside?”

“no, dumbo. they wanna date you.”

“..like the calendar?”

“hah?? are you dumb?” he actually hated how oblivious you were at first, but he just got used to it

but this clueless airhead trait of yours is what he also hates, because when he developed feelings for you— he’d have to tell you

and,, he’s not the best with being direct with romantic stuff. so— you can see how that went.

he ended up confessing you in the most direct way he could’ve said it, but you still. didn’t. understand.

“fuck sake, i want to be your significant other. your fucking lover, the bitch that’ll be with you until this dumbass brain of yours stops working.”

okay, he was a little too direct, but at least you know his feelings!

when you both finally get together, everyone is shocked. like,, you, the sweetheart that likes helping people— dating thee bakugou katsuki??

everyone thought you were threatened to date him, because you didn’t understand other people’s advances— but in reality, katsuki just told you what he felt

straight from the heart.

also, since you’re also quite busty, katsuki loves sleeping on them— he literally won’t sleep, until he has his head resting on those milkers of yours

“maybe this is all you’re good for, huh? a fuckin’ head rest. there might not be anything up there, but at least it gives me some good fuckin’ sleep.”

he,, doesn’t mean that. you’re useful in so many other ways, but he loves pretending that he thinks that way, because of your replies

“ah, yes! i’m fine with being your head rest, katsuki. rest well, love!”

you’re not hurt, because he makes it a point to tell you multiple times a day that you mean lots to him.

but he gets super mad when people tell you that you’re stupid. because he can only tell you that!!

todoroki shouto

you also didn’t seem like you’d be his type,, everyone thought he would’ve wanted someone that’s smart as momo, or something similar

but he’s very content with being with you, for reasons he can’t seem to figure out.

he has his habit of watching you help people from afar, and he couldn’t help but smile whenever he engages in conversations with you

yeah sure, you might be more of an airhead than most people— but you have a heart of gold! and that’s what gathered his attention

sometimes, he’s quite clueless to some social cues— but even he can connect the dots

which you can’t seem to do. but you’re in luck! shouto’s usually the one that tells you what they mean

it’s something he loves and hates, only because of how popular you are with people in general.

sometimes, shouto debates if he should even tell you what they mean— because well,, he likes you.

usually, shouto would interpret things to you like this

“,, they like you,, romantically.”

“shou, are you sure? they look like they wanna be my friend!” he lets you call him by his first name, just because of how content you look by calling him ‘shouto’

he ends up whispering something into your ear, and your eyes light up in realization. “oh! so how princess bubblegum likes marceline?”

“,, yeah.”

but being shouto todoroki has it’s advantages. he isn’t afraid of being as direct as he could possibly be.

“may i have the honor of being your lifelong partner?”

“..?”

“oh, romantically. i’d love to be your lover, Y/N.”

“..oh! that’s what you meant.”

the way he sees you stumble with your words, as you pace back in forth— completely flustered by his words

makes him smile

and it all ends well when his friends see that his wallpaper is literally him laying down on your chest

which is something he always wanted to do

“shouto,, did you finally confess?!”

“yes. they said yes.”

they’re not really surprised that you understood, courtesy to shouto’s bluntness.

he is your protector against all of the people that make you seem useless. man literally lashed out when his father asked him to date someone with ‘more intelligence’

“Y/N may not be the definition of being book smart, but Y/N’s not useless!”

in short— he’s the bimbo protector! he’ll always be patient around you, and he would never dare to dumb you down.

amajiki tamaki

oh lOrd, please help him

you’re so kind, sweet, and helpful. you’d help anyone— regardless of their personality. and that’s what made tamaki interested in you

but you’re also very popular. which he could see why— since you’re attractive in a unique and special way.

tamaki absolutely disliked the idea of your kindness being taken advantaged of. i mean,, the guts of some people!

but he also hated being the one to break the news to you good or bad

he’s not good with the blunt stuff either, and he might’ve been worried about being around you— because well,, you look like you wouldn’t even hurt a fly.

“tamaki, what do they mean by ‘coming home with them for a nice time’ do they.. want to play mario cart with me?”

he looks like he needs to pass out, but he ends up telling you anyway. he’s just lucky that you could hear him.

but he sighs in relief when you end up kindly declining

nejire and mirio are SO amused by this pairing. i mean, it’s an interesting dynamic! how could they not be invested?

yet, they refuse to even explain things to you, especially when tamaki’s around to do said explaining

because apparently, ‘it’ll help you socialize more, especially with Y/N!’

but remember when i said that tamaki wasn’t great with the blunt approach? yeah— he’d have a heart attack, just trying to explain his feelings

“i— uhm how do i say this,, would you like t-to go out for some dinner with m-me?”

“oh sure! i should go tell mirio and nejire” you’d say that with a smile, and it felt like he was going to pass away on the spot.

nejire and mirio were the ones the tell you that ‘no, tamaki doesn’t want to be friendly with you, because he wants to romantically date you.’

and it felt like forever when they were explaining how and why, while tamaki was sitting in the corner.

but thank GOD! because you like him too!

super hesitant on resting on your chest, i mean,, to him, it looked like the nicest pillow for the deepest sleep! but he wasn’t sure if that’d be okay

because no!! to!! taking!! advantage!! of!! Y/N’s!! kindness!!

speaking of that, despite the fact that he’s socially awkward— he will not hesitate on defending you from any haters!

like, when people say that “tamaki and Y/N are such an awkward couple. tamaki’s super awkward, it looks like there’s nothing in Y/N’s brain. maybe she’s brainless”

because how dare they. not everyone is book smart— but that doesn’t give people the right to call you stupid!

“Y/N’s not brainless! she’s kind, helpful, and the sweetest p-person i have ever met. i suggest you take that back!”

in short— it gives him heart palpitations just having to explain things to you, but at the end of the day, it’s all worth it, if he can be with you

»»————-　♡　————-««

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do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission