#And smack some sense into Ganondorf

[skyloftian-nutcase]

(content warning: heavy angst, SI, despair, and some body horror) Link felt sick.

He’d done it. He’d found one of their graves. He knew if he lingered here too long it would give his position away. He knew if Ganondorf took control at any point from here on out, he’d find out his daughter could be found, could be resurrected and controlled like Link was.

It was an accident. He had been looking for sword shards and had stumbled upon this place, nondescript as it was. Hemisi had never been one for flair, unlike her father.

He couldn’t do this. He refused to let his beloved be corrupted like he’d been. Link would rather die a thousand deaths, would rather burn in the magma of Death Mountain, than let Hemisi feel the agony and torture he felt when Ganondorf used his dark powers to bend his will.

Death Mountain. Death Mountain.

A thought crept into his head, dark, twisted, sickening and horrifying but efficient. It came from his heart, a desperate desire encased in love and fear, sharpened into clarity by his crumbling mind.

With trembling hands, Link picked up the urn. Gerudo more often than not burned their dead. The desert was not a forgiving place in general, and bodies rotted quickly. It was the quickest and cleanest way to lay them to rest. Link wasn’t sure Ganondorf could work with just ashes, but considering he’d managed to resurrect Link from likely dust—given how long it had been, he was surprised there had been much left of him—he wouldn’t put it past him.

Link walked for a long time. There was no way he could teleport with the gloom - it would give everything away. He ducked around canyons, hid behind monster camps; he knew the layout of a majority of the Depths like the back of his hand by now. He certainly knew this area.

In the distance it was brighter. Crimson glowed, a dichotomy of innocence and foreboding in comparison to the purple dim glow of the gloom everywhere. Link made his way towards it, feeling the air growing stiflingly hot. He didn’t have any elixirs to protect himself. He didn’t care.

The lava’s heat made the air swim. Link was already sweating, his footing growing unsteady as his lungs screamed in protest. He felt like he could breathe fire at this point. He still didn’t care.

This is the only way. He can’t resurrect what no longer exists.

May Hylia forgive me. May Hemisi forgive me.

I’m so sorry.

Link was close now. The lava was beginning to make the area unbearable. He nearly dropped the urn with as much his hands sweat and shook. He grimaced as a fiery wind tore through him, his skin blistering, his nerves crying for relief, his mind screaming to accomplish his goal before it was too late, his heart begging to join his beloved in this fate.

He was close enough now. Flames licked at his feet, snapping hungrily at his clothes. He took a breath.

He threw the urn into the fire.

The old clay shattered immediately, and the precious ashes it contained couldn’t even be seen in the lava’s voracious hunger. Every last piece of Hemisi disappeared in a heartbeat, as if her memory being erased were simply an afterthought.

Link threw up.

The force of it made him fall to his knees. His head was spinning, and the dirt here was more hot coals than soil. He didn’t have it in him to scream, even though every fiber of his being was doing so. The rancid smell of bile was only compounded and worsened by its cooking in the heat, and Link heaved again.

A scream finally did tear out of his throat as his hands started to smoke.

Leaping to his feet out of instinct, he tried to scramble back, but he wanted to move forward.

To hell with the sword shards, to hell with Hyrule and Ganondorf’s plans for it, he wanted to go home, he wanted to see her—

He was so tired. He was so lonely.

Link stumbled ahead, tears dried before they could ever leave his eyes. The lava was so close, it wouldn’t take much longer before he—

A hand gripped his wrist, cold and clammy, a blessed relief to his skin, but his mind screamed. Link gasped, trying to run, when another hand grabbed his other wrist, and then his body froze up. Cold, dark energy snaked around him from head to toe, except on his forehead, which burned. Link felt his breath stop, his muscles seize, and then, with agonizing effort in each move, he slowly turned away from the magma. A gloom spawn was directly in front of him, easing him away as he walked with it, his mind and heart screaming and flailing and kicking despite his body placidly going along with the beast. The sword shards were warm in his pouch, a comforting kindling fire in an ice cold abyss, and he almost felt himself hesitate despite Ganondorf’s control.

But no. It wasn’t enough.

His head exploded with pain as he fought the puppeteer, as he tried to break free, but he couldn’t. He never could. Unconsciousness was pulling fast, but he’d lose control entirely if he gave in.

Just do it, his mind whispered. Just let him win. What difference does it make now? He can’t hurt her.

Link was so tired.

Just give in. Let him guide you, go along with it. Let him take care of you.

Link was so lonely.

Let him love you.

He couldn’t stop himself from getting sick again, dark control or not. But since his body was no longer his own, he continued to walk, though his steps stumbled to a halt as he vomited. Gloom spread under his feet, easing the burning from earlier, and Link was pulled under.

When the darkness faded, he was back in the Center, the focal point of all the dark energy, and he heard footsteps rushing towards him. The world was spinning so dizzyingly he could get sick again, but miraculously he didn’t - either that or he just had nothing left in him.

The icy puppet strings that infected his muscles receded, leaving him with a pounding headache and body wide shivers. His knees buckled just as Ganondorf reached him, catching him.

“Link, what were you thinking?!” his fa—abuser demanded, voice shaking. “Why were you over there?”

He’d been playing his role so well. He’d been distracting Ganondorf, helping him in smaller ways, gaining his trust. He didn’t want to do it anymore. He just wanted to die.

“I’m tired,” he whimpered, the tears beginning to fall.

Ganondorf held the boy with trembling arms, but his grip tightened as Link fell apart. The child had no more words to say, only convulsing with full body sobs as Ganondorf gently picked him up to support him better. Link gripped his tunic, quickly soaking it with tears, and the demon king found himself at a loss of what to do.

The image of the boy laying in his arms, bleeding and crying and dying flashed through his mind, and he held him tighter, swaying back and forth.

Ganondorf didn’t understand what had happened. Link had been fine, hadn’t he?

His cries clearly indicated otherwise.

He felt his anger start to swell, an automatic response as his heart screamed, as he felt it race in terror at what had almost just happened. He didn’t like feeling afraid and out of control like this, so desperate to try and fix something that he couldn’t just fix. He bit back a snappish rebuke, channeling his anger into energy as he started to walk around the chamber, holding Link close, so close, he’d almost lost his boy—

For once, he didn’t know what to do.

This was why he had placed his magic in the boy. This right here. Because he’d done this before, this was how he’d died before! He’d sacrificed his life to save that pathetic excuse for a king! Why did the child think he could just throw his life away like this?! Did he not realize how important he was?

Ganondorf again found himself fighting his anger. It wasn’t particularly easy, as he usually just let it out, but years of parenting had taught him some self control.

This place was taking a toll on the boy. He needed to fix that, to help him. He channeled his rage into power, reaching up above into the Surface, feeling the swell of the Blood Moon like a high tide pushing on to land. Gloom gathered around the pair, and he made it take them above.

The air was suffocating a moment as they moved, and then it cleared substantially. A breeze blew, cooling the Gerudo’s hot cheeks, and he took a steadying breath. The smell of cherry blossoms and sweet honeysuckle saturated his nose, too unfamiliar to be comforting but pleasant enough. But for Link, it would mean the world. He’d taken them as close to Kakariko as he could manage. He hoped it was enough.

Link’s sobs hitched and paused as he felt the change in atmosphere, and he peeked his puffy eyes out from the folds of his guardian’s tunic. Ganondorf swept a hand up and down his back as he gazed around in wonder and confusion, a glimmering hope shining in his eyes for a moment.

When he looked upward, red eyes matching the moon perfectly, his face fell.

“W-what—what are you doing?” he asked shakily, eyebrows pulling together in worry. “Stop it, you’re going to hurt everyone—”

“My power is slowly growing. This is not hurting anyone.” Ganondorf assured the boy. “When the time comes we’ll take what is ours.”

Link wiggled feebly in his grip. “No, why can’t you just—stop—”

Ganondorf frowned, tightening his hold. “We had nothing but the harsh sun and winds, while Rauru sat on every resource this bountiful land had to offer. The only way he offered aid was through a vow of fealty, yet he did not have the strength or impetus to rule. Everything about Hyrule is a disgrace - a people who think peace is a more palatable option to the point of laziness and stagnation, an over bloated land full of weak fools! I am a true king, Link, and I will rule this land properly. Nothing will stop that.”

Link’s energy drained out of him, and Ganondorf brushed some hair out of his face. “You’ll see, child. When it’s all over, you’ll see how much better it is. Just trust me.”

Link closed his eyes, crying once more. “Let me go.”

“Link—”

“Let me go.”

“No,” Ganondorf said firmly, placing a hand on the boy’s cheek, demanding his attention. “You’re my boy. Your life isn’t a waste, you’re not destined to be cast aside and forgotten. You’re a prince, and I am never letting you go.”

Link watched him, some kind of yearning and desperation fighting the dull look in his eyes, those eyes that used to be so bright with fire and determination, that used to reflect the blood moon beautifully. Ganondorf felt his heart break a little at the sight of it, and his hand shifted to behind the teenager’s head, pulling him forward so he could kiss his forehead. The magic he’d imbued there was a promise of protection, and he would ensure this boy was safe, even from himself. Link trembled under his hold, and he heard him sniffle.

Sighing, he let the boy sink into his embrace once more. “I love you, Link.”

The young boy’s cries carried on the wind, filling the blood stained land. The demon king swayed back and forth, soothing him with gentle hushes. And in the distance, a Hero perked up at the sound of crying, pausing from his meal and grabbing his gear to investigate.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

For context, I believe Rauru’s Hyrule is a “new” Hyrule founded after the past version(s) fell long in the past (allowing it to exist in any timeline, etc)

I was thinking about Ganondorf and reincarnation. My theory naturally implies TOTK Ganondorf is not literally The Same Dude from OOT that all the other appearances of Ganon(dorf) are. Well, except maybe Four Swords Adventures, but that’s kinda vague. Uh, anyway

The conversation that naturally crops up when it comes to reincarnation in the Zelda series is the touchy subject that is Demise’s Curse and what it actually means on a practical level. People tend to interpret it to either mean Ganondorf is a literal reincarnation of Demise, or an incarnation of Demise’s hatred. But I really don’t think so.

Demise’s curse specifically states that “an incarnation of my hatred shall ever follow your kind, dooming them to wander a blood-soaked sea of darkness for all time!” The obvious way to interpret this is the idea that some Big Evil Guy will pop up now and again to toss a bowling ball at Hyrule and knock a few pins over until some kid in green PJs comes along and smacks them around a bit, but I really don’t think it’s meant to be nearly that literal. Mostly because it would remove literally all agency from Ganondorf. Which is lame. And also, it kinda doesn’t make sense? Not every conflict in Hyrulean history involves Ganondorf. Hyrule has quite the blood-soaked sea of darkness all on its own, no Ganondorf required. Even ignoring all the stuff involving Vaati, there’s the Hyrulean Civil War, which, granted, is implied to have potentially involved the Gerudo, but very likely had several different players, and it was the Hylians who were clearly taking power, as they’re the ones who eventually wound up on top.

All of this to say, I think the incarnation of Demise’s hatred is less Ganondorf and more just the general greed and desire for power that those who inhabit Hyrule may feel. That Ganondorf happens to really enjoy having power simply makes him an obvious example, but by that same token it paints many of the various monarchs and royals in Hyrulean history in a similar light. It also means that those who fall prey to this are still perfectly in control of their own actions. They are culpable, and still complex people rather than just being the literal incarnations of evil. It also means that the fact that Ganondorf can reincarnate is less to do with being Demise reborn and more to do with him just having an exceptionally strong will and spirit all on his own

That said, I am Not a good Analyst and I’m mostly throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping something sticks. So uh dear smart person who is also a big Ganondorf fan does any of this spaghetti stick

Heyy thank you so much for this ask, it's super interesting!

I agree that the curse being more about light beckoning darkness, and stability demanding upheaval just like absolute order leads to death just as surely as entropy does, feels very appropriate and binds the entire series together.

I also think this Ganondorf being a different dude, and the kingdom of Hyrule being one of its many versions, makes the most sense (even if I'm a little sad because my favorite part of Ganondorf is how his arc pans out across several games, I think the gaps between each game nourish him into a more interesting version of himself and I'm sad this one loses all the previous buildup of content --even if that makes sense, his last version was 17 years ago so okay I guess.....)

I've seen takes that say that TotK is the real, historical version of the legends that are Ocarina of Time, A Link to the Past and even perhaps Skyward Sword... and I'm really not on board personally. Not because they're Wrong to think that, it might even be what Nintendo is going for tbh, but it just comes down to me believing this version of the events is so much weaker and less rich than the legends they're based on, and that kind of doesn't make sense to me that reality would be even more black and white and drab than the way people (especially the victors) would have retold the story to each other? Again, I think that's really the heart of why TotK is not landing with me: if you recovering your past leads to you being coddled in what you already and always believed, then the world feels crazy claustrophobic to me? It's just not how these things tend to happen in real life, so if it does here... it's suffocating? Inescepable, almost?

(I mean Zelda always had this vibe of being pretty existentially horrifying when unpacked for two seconds, but I think this iteration pushes it to unprecedented heights)

[guideoftime]

GLIMPSES OF THE PAST send CHANGED for a scene from my muse's past that represented a turning point in their life Obviously the biggest answer to this is Castle Town but I already wrote that HC. We'll call this one: the point Sheik realized that the Royal Family has some very dark secrets.

   Ganondorf was sitting on that large throne of his, flipping through pages in a book while searching for information on the Sacred Realm. Sheik had, truthfully, gone through and tried to pick out any books that might actually give him an answer on how to open the door a second time. Rauru had shut it as firmly as he could the moment the child hero had been shut inside the Sacred Realm, protecting the Hero of Time and what was left of the Sacred Realm itself. Obviously, they can’t have Ganondorf getting his hands on Link and the piece of the Triforce the Hero holds. 

   To open the Door of Time–Sheik knows how, he can’t let him know he does, the next time that door is allowed to open it won’t be until the time the Hero of Time is allowed to awaken. Until then, Sheik is here. 

   Right fucking here. 

   He’s gotten–no, he hasn’t over, he’s just suppressed what happened in Castle Town, managed to crush those horrible feelings down, and he figured there wasn’t anything worse this man could make him do. The dagger in his hand given to him by that monster is held lightly in his grasp. He was rotating it as he stared at it, feeling the creeping dark energy that leaked from it, that called to his shadow magic in the weirdest of ways. The little pattern of birds carved into the blade itself draws his curiosity, he doesn’t recognize what they are. 

   The book Ganondorf was holding is suddenly snapped shut and Sheik shamefully flinched a little bit. The next moment it’s thrown and smacks into the ground, sliding across the tiles until it finally bumps into him where he’s laying. The dagger is gripped a bit tightly and he turns his head to the side, blinking up at the King. 

   “Didn’t find what you needed?” He shifts the dagger down to rest on top of his chest and reaches his hand over, picking up the book and flipping it open. Ah, one of the King’s Diary’s. Not the King Sheik knew, but rather his father actually. He flips a few more pages in and hears Ganondorf sigh from the throne. It’s–weird how human (?) he can be sometimes. How much he can remind Sheik he is indeed a real, breathing person. Someone with thoughts and ideals. Mortal. He was born, he lived with the Gerudo, he was a child before. 

   “King Nohansen Hyrule was a very paranoid man.” Ganondorf replied and Sheik blinked curiously. “Though he knew nothing of the Sacred Realm it seemed, most of his dairy talked about the Sheikah, the Great War, and of course the Gerudo.” 

   He supposed that made sense, the King inherited a war from his father, was raised in the wake of it and he was the one that finally put an end to it–and eventually Sheik’s very own tribe. His dairy talking mostly about those things should be something they expect. The Sacred Realm was never really something any of them talked about until Princess Zelda’s nightmare, and they kept it very quiet, because Ganondorf was constantly around talking to the current King. No need to make him aware of what they knew, that would have destroyed the entire purpose of everything that they were doing. 

   He flips another page in the book and sits up on the ground, the dagger falling into his lap as he starts scanning some of the King’s thoughts. Paranoid man indeed, and it makes him sick to agree with the Evil King over something. As he continues to read, he hears Ganondorf speak again, his eyes burning into Sheik’s side. “Tell me, little blood eye, what do you actually know about your Tribe and what happened?” His fingers pause on the page he was reading and shifts his gaze over toward Ganondorf. 

   Choose your words carefully, Sheik. “--Lady Impa told me that they were killed. That the King,” he shifts the book a bit to explain which King, “grew afraid of what we could do, and in response to that fear, he had the Sheikah killed. Branded as traitors.” 

   There’s a small hum from the man and he shifts in the chair again, crossing one leg over the other as he watches him. And Sheik–he can’t tell what he’s thinking and it’s starting to scare him. He’s only twelve, he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do here, it feels like the man is trying to get inside his head. 

   He doesn’t like the feeling. 

   “Lady Impa, your mother, I remember seeing you with her around the Castle. Fierce woman, survived two wars, a third if she lives through this one, right?” Sheik feels it’s safer to not answer, the man’s face is too impassive. “And she left you behind for the Princess, right?” He’s not looking for a reply, Sheik feels. “Did your mother tell you what the Sheikah suffered through? And I’m not talking about the things they did for the Royal Family, I’m talking about what the Royal Family did to them?”  

   Breathe Sheik, breathe. “I don’t–” 

   Ganondorf stands from the throne and Sheik is quick to get onto his feet, the book tossed to the ground and the dagger held in his grip. He doesn’t move to fight, to hold it defensively, it won’t do any good. The blade of dark energy seems to be feeding off of the fear that rushes through him anyway. Ganondorf doesn’t move threateningly toward him either, he actually heads for the door and then waits for Sheik by it. When he turns to glance back, his face is still entirely blank. What in Hylia’s name is he thinking? 

   “Come.” An order and Sheik slides the dagger into one of the holders at his thigh and moves to head toward the Evil King. It’s either that or get the shit beat out of him. 

   Sheik wasn’t sure where they were going until they end up beneath Hyrule. Sheik follows closely at Ganondorf’s side, barely reaching the tall Gerudo’s hip in height. They’re in the dungeons, he can tell that much, and his gaze keeps flickering from cell to cell, the chains on the walls and the dark red spots that cover the ground. Sheik wasn’t entirely sure where this was going, he didn’t know the Castle still kept prisoners. His mother never mentioned anything about that. 

   “Why do you think the Gerudo are still persecuted, Sheik?” 

   He actually said his name. 

   He’s so very uncomfortable. 

   “We’re told,” he tries because that sounds safest, “that it’s because they’re enemies. That they–continue to fight despite the war being over.” A glance over risked, his face is still impassive, he isn’t given Sheik a single clue here on if he should be afraid or not. He holds his tiny frame as tightly as he can. 

   “When I took the Castle from King Daphnes Hyrule, do you want to know what I found down here?” No, probably not, he’s going to tell Sheik anyway. Ganondorf turns and stops Sheik from walking with a hand on his shoulder and then he’s turned to face one of the cells. “Gerudo, chained up, tortured. Still, despite everything that goes on, despite how time passes, the Royal Family is still the same as they were before. Torturers, bloodthirsty criminals, who only seek their own resolve in the end. The Gerudo are persecuted because they fight for a better future for themselves. Do you think it’s wrong to fight for a cause you believe in?” 

   He pulls a breath in quickly, a tremble to his hands, breathe, Sheik! 

   “When your Tribe was slaughtered, do you think it was justified?” No. “Do you think the only thing that happened to them was that they died? Let me enlighten you, to what the Royal Family did.” His grip on Sheik’s shoulder tightens a bit and then he nudges him to make him walk further down the cells. “Do you think all of the Sheikah were slaughtered at once? There were hundreds in your Tribe, and war is never settled overnight. No, little blood eye, the story your mother weaves is so much cleaner.” 

   His mother had been about Sheik’s age, when they died. She said all that was left was her and her Grandmother, the woman who settled the blood debt of the Tribe and later died of heartbreak. That was how she ended the story, she never said how long it took to settle that debt. 

   He doesn’t like where this was going. 

   “Your people spent quite a bit of time in here, those that they managed to drag from Kakariko Village. Every King wants answers, right?” Sheik stops walking again, his gaze darting over toward the cells again and Ganondorf moves to stand beside him again. His gaze never left Sheik, like he was judging his reaction. He probably was. “Those who gave their lives, their souls, their bodies for the Royal Family? They hung in here, stripped of everything they were, tortured for days to get information they didn’t have. They were whipped, their teeth pulled from their skulls, nails peeled from their hands–” 

   He’s breathing a bit too heavily, his hands clenched at his side. There’s heat gathering in his eyes and he refuses to shed a single tear because of the things this man is saying. He has to know he’s getting beneath Sheik’s skin, he’s only a child. “The screams of the Sheikah could have been heard all the way in the throne room while some old woman and a child begged for the mercy of what was left of their people. For crimes they never committed.” 

   Ganondorf is pulled away and Sheik feels the strength leave his tiny body as he sinks down to his knees. “And they bled the last one down here dry. Give that some thought over your precious Royal Family.” He hears the man turn away, the sound of his boots on the ground as he makes his way back where he had come from. “I’ll be waiting for you upstairs.” 

   When he’s finally alone Sheik buried his face in his hands and held back a scream that gathered in his throat. 

[curlynerd]

@spnwomenweek Day 7: Free Space because I'm bad at deadlines and missed AU day.

Harvelle’s Sweet Treats - Home of delicious cupcakes, cookies bigger than your head, and the prettiest baker Charlie has ever seen. Now if only she could ask her out without making a total fool of herself.

1.8K word count, copious amounts of Jo and Charlie fluff

Read on AO3

Five days. That was long enough, right? Five days between visits to a bakery was a totally normal, non-stalker-ish, “oh hey I just really like cupcakes, ya know?” amount of time to wait to go there again.

Right?

Yes. Definitely.

Hell, after five days, the cute girl behind the counter had probably long forgotten Charlie. It was a popular bakery, after all.

Yeah, she’d definitely forgotten Charlie by now.

Well...that was depressing.

Charlie huffed and readjusted her backpack on her shoulders. Whatever. She’d just make Bakery Girl remember her! They’d had a great conversation. A totally memorable chat.

About cupcakes.

In a store that sold cupcakes.

Okay, probably not so memorable.

She stifled a groan. Dammit Charlie! This wasn’t hard! She knew how to flirt! She flirted all the time!

...Not with girls this cute though. Not girls with beautiful blonde waves to make even Galadriel jealous. Not girls who smelled like cinnamon and vanilla and sugar.

Charlie shifted from one foot to another as she waited at the crosswalk. Her time to chicken out was rapidly dwindling. Harvelle’s Sweet Treats was just on the other side of the road. But, hey, nothing wrong with being a chicken. Six days between visits was better than five, right? Even less weird?

The crosswalk sign changed.

Charlie groaned out loud and earned herself a concerned look from a businessman walking alongside her. She forced a smile and started jogging the rest of the way to escape his judgement. Unfortunately that left her staring at the door to Harvelle’s much sooner than intended.

She took a deep breath. “You got this, Bradbury. Woman up! Just don’t think about how she smells like cupcakes and you’ll be fine.”

At that moment the blonde woman behind the counter noticed her lurking outside the door and grinned at her, gesturing for her to come inside.

Charlie’s eyes went wide as saucers. “I don’t got this,” she squeaked.

But it was too late now. Bakery Girl had spotted her. If she ran away now…

No, she couldn’t consider that.

Charlie squared her shoulders. She felt like Link staring down the entrance to Ganondorf’s castle, only without any of the sages to back her up. If only she had an ocarina on hand to teleport her out of here if things went awry... No. Focus! Charlie shook herself out of her thoughts and entered the store.

“Mornin’!” Bakery Girl’s smile was cheerful and casual. “You know what you want?” She leaned against the counter on her forearm, which caused her gorgeous hair to cascade over her shoulder and frame her face.

And just like that, Charlie’s carefully planned script flew straight out of her head. “Um.” She blinked. Once. Twice. Think, Bradbury! Think! Do not answer “you,” okay? That’s just weird. Think of literally any other answer!

Bakery Girl chuckled at Charlie’s dumbstruck stare. “We sell coffee, if you’re still waking up,” she said with a wink, which only drove Charlie even closer to a full-fledged hardware meltdown.

“Coffee! Mm-hmm!” Charlie squeaked with an over-enthusiastic nod. “Yes! I will take one coffee and one...er, cupcake,” she added, determined to get back on script before she blurted out something stupid and completely ruined any chance she might have with Bakery Girl.

“Coffee and cupcake. Interesting breakfast.” Bakery Girl raised an eyebrow as she tucked her hair behind her ear. God, why did she have to keep smiling like that? Charlie was going to have a heart attack!

Charlie nodded again before mentally smacking herself for looking too much like a bobblehead toy. “Well that’s me. Interesting.” Her eyes widened. “I mean, not interesting. Not, like, full of myself. A-And not weird interesting either!” she added hastily. “I mean, okay, yeah, I’m kinda weird. Pretty weird. Comes with the whole...nerd territory. But hey, ha ha, at least I shaved my neckbeard this morning, right?”

Bakery Girl listened to Charlie’s increasingly unhinged rambling with a bemused grin on her face. She shook her head. “Yeah, definitely weird,” she agreed with a laugh, but somehow it didn’t sound like an insult. She pushed off from the counter and rung up Charlie’s order.

Charlie forced herself to take a deep breath. Okay, so operation “Woo The Hot Bakery Girl” was definitely going off the rails, but it wasn’t unsalvageable! She just needed to regroup. Charlie smiled her brightest, sweetest “don’t think I’m a total loser, please” smile as she paid for her food. Bakery Girl grinned back, and any flirtatious comeback Charlie had was lost in thoughts of cinnamon-brown eyes and absolutely adorable apple-round cheeks.

“You got a name, Miss Interesting?”

Charlie blinked and shook off her daze. Bakery Girl was holding a pen up against a coffee cup. “Um.” Charlie looked around the otherwise empty store. “It’s not like you’re gonna mix up my order.”

Bakery Girl pursed her lips and fought down a new smile. “Humor me.” She honest to god winked, and Charlie honest to god let out a tiny, mortifying squeak.

“Charlie!” she blurted out, hot on that noise’s tail. Maybe she was fast enough to cover it. God, she hoped she was fast enough to cover it. “Bradbury. Charlie Bradbury. Though why would I tell you my last name? You don’t need my last name. That’s ridiculous. I’m being ridiculous.” To Charlie’s horror, she couldn’t bring herself to shut up no matter how hard she tried. “You obviously don’t need to know my last name, but um, yep. There it is. Bradbury. Like Ray Bradbury? That. And--”

“You know what flavor cupcake you want?” Bakery Girl cut in, and Charlie was so grateful she almost hopped the counter and kissed her then and there.

“Um…” Once again, Charlie’s carefully planned out script was trapped behind the mesmerizing distraction of Bakery Girl’s smile. No, wait! She remembered! “What do you recommend?” She batted her eyelashes a little and shrugged one shoulder. Yes, this was perfect. Whatever was offered would oh so conveniently be one of Charlie’s favorite flavors. Of course, all cupcake flavors were her favorite, because they were cupcakes. Not a lie. Just an exaggeration.

Bakery Girl glanced down at her display case. “Red velvet,” she said with the hint of a smirk. Her eyes seemed to linger on Charlie’s hair, but surely Charlie was imagining that. Definitely imagining that.

Charlie bit her lip. “Sure! Let’s go with that,” she said in a rush, while internally she screamed about her carefully planned cupcake flavor ruse. Bakery Girl nodded and set about getting Charlie’s order ready. Charlie breathed in deeply, disappointment building with each passing second. This was a bust. This was clearly not going anywhere. Charlie was way too flustered to pull out her usual stops. So far all she’d managed to do is look and act like a socially awkward nerd. Which...well...Pot. Kettle. Black.

Maybe if she came back in another five days, things would go better that time. Or six days. Or sixty.

As Charlie put her wallet away, her eyes landed on the pen cup. There was a cute one with an oversized cartoon cupcake on the end, large enough that it partly obscured the little rainbow flag stuck in there too.

Deep down, Charlie knew that could mean anything. Maybe the owner was gay. Or one of the other employees. Maybe the store did a lot of gay wedding cakes. Hell, it was San Francisco. Pride flags were just good business sense. Charlie had to admit her gaydar could get a little frazzled when confronted by stunningly attractive women. Or maybe she was just exceptionally optimistic.

She decided to pounce on the opportunity anyway. This was her last shot.

She pointed to the little flag and flashed a grin that she prayed wasn’t too awkward. “Hey cool. Samesies.” Dear goddess Selûne, did she really just say samesies? She tried not to cringe.

Bakery Girl laughed. “Yeah, I’m aware,” she said as she brushed her hair behind her ear. And okay, Charlie had to give her that. She gave off that vibe. Also there was a lesbian pride pin on her backpack.

Thinking about it, that might have been the biggest giveaway.

“So…” Charlie began. This was her opening. She knew this was her opening. And if this were anyone less cool, or less hot, or less…all of everything that Bakery Girl had going on, Charlie would be on top of things. She’d have gotten her number and made date plans before she even placed her order.

Instead she rocked back and forth on her heels like a helpless dweeb. Like some sort of awkward middle schooler trying to ask a date to homecoming.

“So…” Bakery Girl agreed, her voice barely containing her laughter. The silence dragged on until it became agony. Charlie thought for certain the pressure to ask her out inflating her chest would burst before she worked up the nerve. But right when Charlie opened her mouth to either speak or let out a pathetic squeak of compressed air, Bakery Girl leaned forward on the counter and raised an eyebrow at Charlie. “So are you gonna ask my name before or after I get your phone number?”

Charlie jerked her head up in surprise. “Phone number?” she squeaked. Her eyes widened. Bakery Girl was asking for her phone number?! SUCCESS! “Um, yeah! Yeah, I…” Charlie grinned from ear to ear. “Name? Your name? Er…” She cleared her throat. “What’s your name anyway? So I can stop calling you Bakery Girl in my head?”

Bakery Girl smirked. “Bakery Girl, huh?” She grabbed the cupcake pen from the cup and held out her hand. Her eyes darted to Charlie’s arm and back to her face as she wiggled her fingers. Charlie hastily held out her hand. “It’s Jo, by the way.” Charlie’s skin tingled where Bakery Girl--Jo! touched her wrist. Jo scrawled out her number on the inside of her arm.

“You know, I coulda just punched it into my phone,” Charlie said, already wondering how weird it would be if she didn’t wash her hand for awhile.

“Yeah, but I like to be old school.” Jo winked at her. Her fingers slid down Charlie’s hand as she released it, and Charlie’s heart skipped a beat.

“Old school, huh?” Charlie grinned. “So like...dinner and a movie, pick me up at eight old school?”

Jo paused a moment to size her up. She bit her lower lip. “Pool,” she said with a cocky smile. “There’s this bar I like where we can play pool.”

Charlie’s shoulders dipped a little. “I don’t know how to play pool.” Could a date fail before it even started? Charlie was beginning to suspect Jo was way cooler than she could ever hope to be.

Jo just shook her head, a knowing twinkle in her pretty brown eyes. “Oh, I figured. I plan to teach you.”

Charlie’s heart leapt into her throat. “Can’t wait.”

[deiliamedlini]

Whumptober 2020: Day 26

Previous / Chapter Index

Zelda liked to think that she was invincible.

Not literally, of course, but she had taken on the mindset that she could endure and survive anything. After all, she’d survived the death of her mother, her father, her people, her own imprisonment, torture, mind control, and escape; she’d been near death, nearly starved, nearly killed, and now captured again. She could survive this, if it was all they had to throw at her. She would not break so easily. Not this time. This time, she was stronger.

The blindfold had been replaced over her eyes hours ago, and she was now enjoying the jilt and rock of the horse she sat upon. It was peaceful, like being lulled to sleep by music. But Zelda didn’t want to sleep. Not again.

The chatter around her was minimal. Whenever they did speak, it was small talk: things they drank the night before at the tavern, something about finally getting a warm bed.

She never heard Link’s voice.

They all stopped for—what Zelda assumed to be—the night. She could feel the heat of the fire, but she was not unbound, nor was her blindfold untied. In fact, there was another rope around her that kept her pressed against a tree.

She could taste the dampness in the air, something she’d learned in the cave during rainy days. It was about to be a storm, and they were likely warming and resting up so they could ride through it. She simply wished she could see, especially so she could know what had happened to Link.

Zelda found out the next morning.

Ganondorf’s voice jolted her from her sleep, and she tried to stretch as much as her restraints allowed. But Ganon’s voice grew louder until he was right on top of her. “Link, get her on a horse.”

No, she thought.

Rough hands hoisted her up, unceremonious, and without compassion, as he’d so often shown her. Gods, Ganondorf had gotten to Link again, and he was no longer free of the compulsion.

Still gagged, Zelda tried to sound out her words, though they were nothing more than grunts that went ignored. And when she was lifted onto a horse, she lost all sense of where Link had gone.

Rain had begun to fall, as she’d predicted, and the horses trotted just a little bit faster. That sound, too, was like music. It was horses in general, she supposed.

“Watch out for that hill!” one of the guards at the front called back to the rest of the group. “It’s hard to see.”

But Zelda… Zelda was invincible.

She carefully wiggled her way to the side and threw herself off the horse, relieved when she found herself rolling uncontrollably.

In the distance, she could hear the guards’ frantic shouts, but she could make nothing out.

Her brain no longer felt attached to her body as she tumbled down the cliff. There were moments where she was sure the things she was hitting were going straight through her.

A hard smack in her face had her reeling. Another as her head crashed back down into the hill. Again, a bang and a scratch. Finally, after seemingly falling forever, she stopped.

The world spun, and yet, by some ungodly horrid twist of fate, her blindfold had stayed on during the fall, and she cursed whoever had tied it. But she couldn’t get up if she wanted to. She wanted this gag out of her mouth.

She wanted to throw up.

Her ears were ringing, her body uncooperative. Her brain was thrumming, pounding like a drum. Her eyes became heavy, especially under the weight of the blindfold. She could let herseld drift off. She could. It would only take a moment.

Zelda only began to panic again when there was a pair of hands hoisting her to her feet. There was no way she had drifted off, right? No way they’d followed her so closely down the hill. There was no…

Her blindfold was pulled off, and the gag quickly followed. She only got a glimpse, blinking through the heavy rain and through her surprise before her thoughts could catch up.

“Link?”

She could feel him deftly unknotting her bindings. “You may need to run like this until we can… never mind.”

Zelda’s arms were free, and she stretched them before turning to Link, and stepping back. “Why are you helping me?”

Link looked at her with confusion written all over his features. “Why?”

“You didn’t help me before. You’ve been free and you didn’t help me.”

He grabbed her arms, pulling her with him to get moving as he spoke. “I got free only moments ago. I don’t know what you mean.”

“Ganondorf said…”

She didn’t bother finishing her sentence.

Link grabbed her a little tighter, watching her sway as she turned a pallid grey color. “Come on, we just need to get far enough away from them and then we can hide. Stay conscious, Zelda.”

“Conscious?”

“You’re bleeding. Your head.”

Her hand went up, but she couldn’t focus as they ran.

“We must have had the same idea to roll down the hill,” Link laughed. “I’m rubbing off on you.”

“Do you have a knife?”

“No, I couldn’t grab my things. All I had was something sharp I used to cut the binds.”

She nodded, and that’s where their conversation ended before they sprinted through the downpour, looking for anywhere that they might hide. They both were bleeding, and Link had a feeling Zelda’s head wound was going to take her out before long.

But Zelda smiled as she ran.

Escape number two?

She’d managed to survive that as well.

Invincible.

Next

[inkedmyths]

Hi so I'm just gonna list some favorite things about Hyrule Warriors in no particular order

The cutscene at the beginning where Link is standing out because he's. Not wearing a helmet. Like I know it's because he's "the protagonist" but like. Do you think he took it off because he was like, hot and sweaty and Zelda just happened to walk by after he took it off? Did he just completely forgo the helmet because it was uncomfortable? Because it ruined his natural beauty?

Impa just shoves the Hero tunic into Link's hands like "Congrats your promoted". He went straight from cadet to ranking officer. The guy literally has no idea what's happening like he woke up today and everything made sense and now he's supposed to lead the people who outranked him just an hour ago. Save him

Zelda had to go and be dramatic by disguising as Sheik

The sheer size of the cast of characters, which features some... interesting choices. I still can't believe they made Tingle playable...

Linkle exists and I love her

At least half the problems in this game happen because a sorceress wants to bang Link??

Also shoutout to Link for dealing with so much like. First one villian, defeat her, done? Nope there's Ganondorf. Done? Nope Wind Waker happened. Like boy cannot catch a break

One of Link's weapons is literally a Horse. Epona is classified as a weapon.

The Gaunlet is also a weapon, and features Link swinging around a giant wrecking ball and I love that

Young Link and his copious use of the Fierce Deity Mask. Like there's all these wonderful fan interpretations of The Mask and how its use should be limited because of its darkness and then there's. This game. And he just smacks it on his face at just about any given opportunity

Also when you go into Focus Spirit for Young Link and he just. Screams? Also FD has fangs and we should all appreciate that

Toon Link is a goofball. As he should be.

Impa is literally so cool

You can find alternate outfits for different characters, and Link obviously has a ton referencing previous (and also BotW) games in the series

Link can be the OG pantsless bangs-for-days Link

THE SOUNDTRACK IS SO GOOD

Legend of Zelda meets rock guitar? Absolutely delightful

Also "Eclipse of the Moon" is one hell of a track

TETRA HAS A GUN

[neo-crimson-palace]

Perhaps Ganondorf should rip off the bottom part of Zelda's dress and spank her thick ass in front of a large crowd.

*RIIIIIIIIP* 

“What in Hylia’s name are you- HIII” 

If there was ever a moment where Zelda wanted to die from pure humiliation. It was here and now, in front of the entire audience who had initially been watching a match between her and the Dark Gerudo King. While she knew she had a tough battle ahead of her. Never in her wildest dreams, did she think that he’d brazenly trap her under his arm in such a disrespectful manner and tear of her royal gown. Showing off her panty-clad rear to the masses. The moment his large rough and callous hand came down on her petite behind, the audience was greeted to a high pitched scream. Her sensitive booty already beginning to reddened as the man brought his hand down upon her once again, seemingly harder than the first time. Her ass having a nice subtle ripple, from the impact of the smack dealt to her. The sensation of pain only dwarfed by the sheer sense of embarrassment at the thought of everyone looking at her in this shameful pose. The crowd could only watch in shock and disbelief at the sight before them. Their minds still being unable to process what was actually happening right before their very eyes. Though, some of them couldn’t deny the fact that; even though it was humiliating. 

Princess Zelda definitely had an ass to admire. 

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

TDSB: Episode 2, Part 1. Something Fishy This Way Comes...

*Cloud, Richter, and Stevie are in the Smash Bros Lounge watching TV. Cloud is reading, Richter is nursing a glass of wine, and Stevie is playing Candy Crush on his phone with the TV acting as background noise. Wario walks in on them lie this.*

Wario: What's up losers.

Richter: Screw off Wario.

Stevie: Aye mate! We're trying to get our hogwillies a rest 'ere ya humdinginer billabong!

Wario: Once I find out what that means I'll come up with a crushing reply.

*Wario plops down on the couch and grabs the remote, flipping through channels. Cloud looks up from his book, but double takes when he sees something familiar*

Cloud: Hold up! *grabs the remote from Wario*

Wario: Hey! What's the big i-

Cloud, flipping back through the channels: Shut up!

Stevie: Oi mate! What's got your bloomdingers in a sodfeelfen?!

Cloud: Look! It's Ganondorf! He's on TV!

*Sure enough all see Ganondorf on the television, now wearing a gaudy silver suit*

Richter: What the- he's right!

Wario: What the hell is going on here?! ...And why the hell is Ganondorf wearing THAT?

Ganondorf: Last time, on Total Drama Smash Bros! *cuts to the twenty contestants on the dock when they first arrived* Our contestants arrived here in Camp to compete in the greatest Reality TV show yet!

Cloud: That's all the Smashers that Master Hand called away on some secret mission!

Richter: Well now we know that's bullshit.

Ganondorf: *screen cuts to the Smashers joining their respective teams* After forming up and meeting their teammates, it was time for their first challenge, *shot of the contestants playing the game* VOLLEY-BOMB! *shot of Peach negotiating with Pit and Zelda* Alliances were made, *shot of Bonny Janet and Link arguing* strife was founded, *shot of Lucina getting blown away* and days, *shot of Falcon getting blasted* were, *shot of Corrine getting Warlock-Punched* Ruined!

Stevie: Oof, that's a right hard humdinger that is.

Ganondorf: *shot of Falcon getting thrown onto the Boat of Failures* In the end, it was Captain Falcon who was sent home for failing his team when they needed him the most.

Richter: Tough break Falcon.

Wario: But why the hell are they even there?! It makes no sense!

Ganondorf: *the screen returns to Ganondorf on the dock* Can the Goombas learn to trust each other? Will the Koopas learn about Peach's alliance? And who will win this week and find themselves one step closer to winning that sweet, sweet twenty million dollars!

Wario: TWENTY MILLION!?

Richter, clutching his ears: Well, there goes my eardrums.

Ganondorf: Find out this week, on Total! Drama! SMASH BROS!

Wario: I GOTTA GO!

Cloud: Go where?

Wario, jumping out the window and summoning his motorcycle: TO GET THAT TWENTY MILLION!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*The Campers are hanging out in the mess hall, chowing on breakfast crafted by Ridley.*

Robyn, holding up a chunk of “food” with her fork: Are we sure this is food? It seem more like something Godzilla would up-chuck if he had one too many beers.

Marth: I;m fairly certain this substances' mere existence violates the Geneva Convention several times over.

Link, chowing down: Meh. Not the worst thing I've ever eaten. *He takes another big bite as the others of his team look on in horror.* Mmh! Crunchy.

-

Confessional

Zelda: I know that Link has eaten some questionable things in his adventures, but I had no idea he had such an iron gut! It's terrifying!

-

Samus, shrugging and digging in: Eat up Koopas. Gotta get your energy up for whatever nightmare Ganondorf has planned.

Roy: Speaking of, where is that Sauron rip-off? *Roy suddenly gets smacked in the face by a Mr Saturn sending him into the wall connecting the Mess to the kitchen*

Ridley: Oi! I'm trying to work here.

Ganondorf, striding into the mess: Sorry my purple friend, but it's time for this week's challenge!

Roy: Everything... is... in pain...

Ganondorf: Move it or lose it Roy boy!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Ganondorf has led the Campers to the docks where a series of boats await them. Half the boats are outfitted with Goomba red and the others are painted Koopa green.*

Ganondorf: Welcome to a little challenge I like to call... Man vs. the River Wild!

Samus: Let me guess... some sort of river rafting race with a brutal and sadistic twist to it.

Ganondorf: Eh, you're only half right. No to the rafting race, yes to the brutal and sadistic twist!

Ike: Figures.

Ganondorf: No, you're challenge is something different. *two moblins produce a large blackboard with instructions written all over it.* Ahem, as you can see, today you will be having a fishing competition!

Red: Seriously!? That's awesome! Leaf and I fish for aquatic Pokemon all the time!

Ganondorf: Today, your prize is the rare Spotted Buck-Salmon. *he holds up an example*

Lucina: Wait a minute, that just looks like a regular salmon you super-glued antlers onto!

*King K Rool, off to the side, slides a box of crappy dollar store antlers out of sight whilt whistling nonchalontly.*

Ganondorf: Regardless of their status as novelty items, you have to catch them! But be warned. These waters are filled with piranha, *Petey the Piranha Plant wearing a scuba outfit surfaces and waves at them.* sharks, *a shark pops out of the water and swallows Petey whole, grinning evilly afterward* and other unspeakable horrors from the depths that even H.P. Lovecraft would never be able to dream up! *a massive tentacle rises from the water and grabs the shark, dragging it down and causing it to spit up Petey*

-

Confessional

Link: Finally! Something I know I'm good at! I went fishing all the time in Hyrule.

-

Confessional

Ganondorf: In one of my many times trying to take over Hyrule I needed to find a way to delay Link. I tried two different strategies. First, I sent an army of undead after him, led by an Elder Lich. Secondly, I used a shovel to dig out a pit that a filled with water, stuck a “Free Fishing” sign in front of it while spreading the rumor that there was a rare fish inside.

One of those tactics bought me a whole month of time, and the other he beat in an hour.

Take a guess which one was which. Take a wild fucking guess.

-

Corrine: Okay, what's the horrible bullshit twist you've got for us this time?

Ganondorf: Aww, you know me so well.

*Corrine rolls her eyes*

Ganondorf: The twist? You can either catch the fish yourself, or wait for someone else to catch it and steal it from them!

Robyn: Wow, you're right. That IS bullshit.

Ganondorf, unperturbed: You have ten minutes to pick a partner to fish with and select which bait and tackle you'll use. Whichever team catches the biggest fish wins!

*the group splits up, partnering up with each other*

Dark Pit: Hey, dick knozzle! We've got an odd number of people! How are we gonna partner up?!

Ganondorf: Ah yes, well I guess one of your boats is going to have to hold three. *Peach immediately grabs Pit and Zelda, her hidden alliance members* Of course... those boats are only meant to hold two. Better be careful.

-

Confessional

Peach: I'll admit I'm not good at fishing. I always fail that minigame in Mario Party. But hey, Zelda and Pit both have to have some experience between them.

-

Confessional

Pit: Oh boy! My first time fishing! This is going to be so much fun!

-

Confessional

Zelda: Link took me fishing once... I caught something right away but... the poor fishy... *starting to cry* staring at me like that!

-

Peach: We'll handle it Ganondorf.

Ganondorf: Alright, whatever.

*The rest of the teams form. The Goomba Teams are: Daisy and Ike, Leaf and Red, Corrine and Rosalina, Joker and Marth, Link and Bonny Janet.

The Koopa Teams are: Zelda and Peach and Pit, Roy and Samus, Erdrick and Robyn, Lucina and Dark Pit*

Link: Hey does anyone want to trade? I'd rather not be teamed up with the Scottish Imp over here.

Bonny Janet: Blow it oot yer bagpipe!

Daisy: This could be a problem.

*Peach thinks for a moment and ten drags Zelda away to whisper in her ear*

Peach, whispering: When we're out there, I'm going to bring us up beside Link and Bonny Janet. Find a way to make tensions fly.

Zelda: I don't know Peach-

Peach: Link is the best fisher on their side! You have to, for the team.

*Zelda reluctantly nods. The teams are set! The battle begins...*

[void-tiger]

So, apparently according to LinkBetweenWorlds...you can’t just simply wish the Triforce away to end the conflict surrounding it? But, why not just make a wish on the Whole Triforce that “after this wish nobody can wish on the Triforce ever again, in any time/reality” (since, world and time jumping is a thing).

-

Boom. Problem solved.

-

Speaking of which...why Hyrule? It’s been established that its world is larger than that tiny kingdom, yet it’s entirely dependent and completely torn apart by this one artifact. Other kingdoms (like Holodrum, Labrynna, and New Hyrule) function just fine without sitting over the land the Triforce occupies/the entrance to the Sacred Realm.

-

That, and no matter what Helga claimed, I’m still not convinced that Lorule’s planet hadn’t just simply reached the end of its natural life. Although wishing on a triforce would hypothetically stitch it back together again/restore any climate changes/even restore a dying sun and solarsystem...eh, whatever.

-

And if Ganon in A Link to the Past had access to the entire Triforce from within the Sacred Realm (and subsequencly transformed it into the Dark World), he really should’ve been capable of doing a LOT more damage than he did over the course of the game’s events. And clearly the “Chosen Hero” has no need of a Triforce Piece to go up against a (with the WHOLE Triforce, wth) Ganon. (Blah blah, Master Sword and Sacred (light/silver) Arrows. But that sword is the most useless item in any given game, as it only slightly upgrades your basic attack strength. All it has going for it is “needed to slay Ganon(dorf)...which it rarely even does THAT. And then not very well, as Ganon often breaks the seal without assistance, which always requires the assistance of Zelda and/or the Sages. Meanwhile? The arrows are always OP and fun to use, or specific to Zelda-only if she joins the fray (in which case they get nerfed to only stun. Riiiight. That doesn’t smack of defanging a female character that has no reason to be damselled all the time ‘cause “tradition” whatsoever.)

-

Sidenote: if Link can face Ganon without the Triforce of Courage, and in Zelda 1 was only holding the Triforce of Wisdom (with the Triforce of Courage not existing at all until its introduction in The Adventures of Link), the “Three Chosen” apparently DON’T have to be holding the pieces they’re generally associated with.

-

And while I’m still talking about Ganon...

It’s also been established that Ganondorf’s main complaint in Ocarina of Time and especially Wind Waker was the hardships the Gerudo faced with apparently no way out other than to conquer a more habitable land. (Which, honestly makes more sense than the “traditional” destruction for destruction’s sake. There’s no endgame to that!)

And if you actually look into how the Hylians talk about not just the Gerudo, but other non-hylians?

-

They’re not treated as full citizens. And often as nothing more than “beasts”.

-

Yet we’ve also been shown time and time again that these non-hylians are, in fact, both sapient (thinking) and sentient (feeling). Zora have their own government, whether they’re the Fish-Like zora of OoT or TP, or the swampy kappa looking ones of the older games and LBW. Bokoblins have their own culture. Moblins, Honox, and “River Zora” have all been seen cowering in fear and even paying off Link to just be left alone. “Sea Zora” are refused medical treatment. Gorons are refused service, and sometimes space to even sell their wares (or try to disguise themselves to be able to sell at all). Gerudo are regarded as prostitutes and murdering thieves. Sheikah are nearly always on the verge of extinction and regarded as “mystical servants” (or in BotW, blamed for something beyond their control).

-

Is it really any wonder that these “monster” races and non-hylian humanoids often are desperate enough to either “protect their own”/defend their territories aggressively or outright even side with Ganon(dorf), Demise, and other series antagonists?

-

I think not.

Hyrule creates its own problems.

-

Remove an OP artifact from temptation, treat your citizens and neighbors humanely, gain some freaking autonomy vs always waiting for some “Chosen Hero” or the gods to save you, and actually allow Zelda to reach her full magical/combat/political potential and even just walk among her people without scheming a breakout...and most of Hyrule’s troubles will fix themselves.

-

(Plus, enough of pitting the Three Chosen against eachother. If they’re going to be Divine Chosen Ones, actually let them interact without a rehashed conflict ‘cause tradition/samsara cycle. There is so much potential for Ganondorf, Zelda, and Link to combine forces for either the salvation or destruction of the world.)

[mrneighbourlove]

A Gerudo Story: Klinge and Covarog

Klinge took Covarog to an old temple. The young King was sighing the whole way. “I’m not sure how much my wife would appreciate you dragging me away from her.”

“She can deal with it.”

“She’s going to be awfully cranky.”

“You can each go one day without fucking each other.”

Covarog face burned bright red. “That’s none of your business.”

“It is when I get complaints from the maids on cleanup duty. Now quit you’re groveling. We’re here.”

Covarog looked around. It was simply a barren land with a large rock. “Klinge. We’re in the middle of no where.”

Klinge shook his head with a sigh. The task ahead was highly dangerous, so much so he wondered if Covarog was ready. “So uncoordinated. Use your senses. You’ll be needing them.” Klinge picked the massive boulder up over his head, and gave it a large throw. Below the rock was an underground stair case.

After doing so Klinge threw Covarog a bag. Looking inside the King was surprised to see his armour and weapons inside. “Are you testing me?”

“Grander. I’m putting you through a trail.”

Covarog wasn’t sure how much he liked being dragged out now. “Ok. No. Klinge, I’m a King. I don’t need these tests anymore. I’m already a capable warrior. I think you forgot who defeated Vul’kar.”

“Your wife.”

Covarog was quick to retaliate. “With MY help! I don’t need whatever this is.”

“So you think you’re all powerful?”

“I never said that.”

“This is a trail to prove you can be an effective King.”

Covarog was losing his patience. So many others already questioned his new title. “I don’t need this Klinge! I am a righteous leader, a proud Gerudo, and-“

“Becoming so much like your father.”

Covarog could feel the steel in Klinge’s statement.

“…Is this about him?”

“In so many ways.” Klinge thought back to his darker times. “You think Vul’kar was the darkest force on this plain? No. You’re father, or, more specifically, Ganon, has always been a much more grander force of evil. And far more ancient as well, seeped into the history and blood of this world. I’m sure you know the stories, but you never experienced it. The Gods flood, the Twilight invasion, or even the Great Calamity. And although I was not old enough to experience the older, primal darkness, I was a tool used in some of his darker lives, including his beginning’s of this life.”

Covarog listened closely as he put together his armour. Klinge pointed towards the staircase to the underground. “Beneath this earth is a temple of his many evils, forces much darker and more powerful then some pitiful Moblin or Abyssian. Below you will go and face the darkness that bled the land in your father’s name. If you power on through to the end you will be stronger mentally, physically and spiritually. And a far greater man then he ever was.”

Covarog nodded, but did not feel good about this. “And where will you be?”

“Right behind you, and my voice will guide you, but you will conquer these dangers alone. It will take all of your brawn, cunning, and courage to make it through.”

Courage. This was something his sister Rinku should be doing. Facing evil was her destiny after all. Especially when dad was concerned. He made a pray to the gods and hoped he could have some of her courage. He understood why Klinge was doing this, to prove that the first Gerudo King that wasn’t Ganondorf could be strong and better.

He looked down at the staircase to what must have been a hell awaiting him and nodded to Klinge after taking in a fresh breath of air. “I’m ready.”

Klinge lead the way. At the bottom of the staircase Klinge opened a door way. Beyond it was a hallway with a thick amount of fog. “Enter, Covarog Dragmire. Your first of many trails are beyond that hallway. This temple house the dark spirits of Ganon’s longtime forces. They can manipulate the landscape of this fortress. This place has a sealing magic, so once you go in, you may have trouble finding a way out. They will want you to enter, so they may draw you in and claim you. Good luck.”

Covarog braced himself and entered the fog. As he did Klinge closed the door behind him. Well, no going back now. “Not that I had a choice….”

Walking forward his hands felt a door nob. Opening the room he entered a room with no end in sight. Under his feet was a still perfect reflection of water. It was tranquility at its finest. While on his left and right there was nothing for miles and miles, in front of him was a single dead tree, sticking out like a sore thumb. On the other end of it was a long wall with a door. Running towards it Covarog’s reflection wavered and the patter of his footsteps splashing the water beneath him echoed loudly. Once he got to the door, chain bars fell on it, locking him away. Turning back chains dropped on the door he came in.

Looking back at the tree he rubbed his eyes. Something felt…off. Was there a person there? He felt he was being watched, but couldn’t make heads or tails of it. As he got closer his instincts exploded as a figure launched towards him with a great sword. Covarog barely defended himself against the initial attack. His opponent was a solid black man with glowing red eyes. The shock was too real for Covarog as he realized who his opponent was. It was himself.

His doppelganger had all the same movements as him, same weight, and same ferocity. Covarog was simply defending himself as his Dark counter part kept circling and striking at him. Jumping back Covarog took note his reflection in the water was gone. His own shadow was attacking him!  The Dark Covarog took a fighting stance that Covarog favoured and lunged at him.

Covarog leaped to the side and made a parry, swiping his alter ego. His opponent grunted and fell beneath the water below him. The illusions around Covarog were messing with him mentally. Suddenly Dark Covarog rose up from behind him. The King made a large horizontal spin attack to try and catch his opponent of guard, but it simply blocked it. Perhaps in a way to mock him Dark Covarog made the same spinning swipe to attack the Gerudo. He was pushed back by the tremendous weight of his opponent’s strike. Covarog gave a growl and lunged at his shadow. He poured all his energy into slaying his doppelganger, and Dark Covarog fought just hard right back. It cultivated into both of them raising their hands and firing a bolt of dark magic at each other. The explosion knocked them both back, the sound echoing through out the void of the room.

Covarog slowly stood to his feet. As he did so his alter ego stood. Know matter what he did his dark self just threw back whatever the King dished out. Covarog wasn’t managing to get anywhere. And it seemed his opponent wasn’t losing stamina. Covarog took a stance, his shadow coping him. Think damnit, he could do this!

As he was regaining his stamina, his opponent got impatient and struck out first. Dodging Covarog saw the imperfections of his own attacks. He was so caught up in defeating a random enemy, rather then himself. The King waited for Dark Covarog to strike once again. When he made a vertical strike at him, Covarog paired with one hand his attacker’s sword away, and with all his might, then lunged his palm towards his shadow’s heart as it stumbled back. Covarog released a blast of light at its chest, blowing open its torso. Dark Covarog gave a yell of hatred as he fell far beneath the water once again. The King always did leave himself far too open with power attacks.

This time the doppelganger did not return, and Covarog regained his reflection. He heard a voice then echo in his head. “Well done, you have defeated yourself. Something your sister has only ever been able to accomplish. Now hurry on my King.”

Nice to know Klinge was aware of his progress. Covarog saw the doors had freed themselves of the iron bars. He walked forward to the next door. As he entered he was once again greeted by fog. But also a light. More specifically a flame. This purple flame flickered and danced around, suddenly darting away. Covarog felt drawn to it, compelled to see if it would lead him to his next trail despite any danger.

Covarog kept following it….right into a hole in the ground. The Kings eyes widened as he lost his footing, letting out a scream as he fell. He heard cackling as darkness enveloped him.

Covarog kept falling until he reached water below him. It was thick as he crashed through it. Swimming up he gasped for air. The flame flew down in front of him illuminating thousands of corpses on the ground. Hylians, Gorons, Zora, and much more. Even a few Lorleidians. All victims of Ganon over god knows how long. The Flame transformed into a Poe, which cackled at him. “For a moment I mistook you for our lord, my apologies. You are his son no? You must be impressed by his handiwork.”

Covarog felt sick to his stomach at all the bodies around him. They all carried a look of fear. “Begone Spirit! I will not tolerate your presence here! My father and my family no longer follow the path of Ganon!”

“Hmm? Let’s see if your soul in death can have its opinion changed.” The Poe cackled and its image split into four. The ghouls encircled Covarog and danced around, laughing manically. Joining it was the groans of the dead in a terrifying choir. Covarog focused his mind and pushed back the horror around him.

The Poe spun its lantern around, and was joined in union by its images. Covarog focused and slashed at one of them, only to be met by a puff of mist. The real Poe smacked him hard across his back, flames scorching him. Covarog gave a yell in pain and took a defensive stance. The Poe flew back and swung its lantern. From the ground of corpses undead rose up. This included armoured Stalfos and Redead. The Redead screamed as they lunged at Covarog to eat him.

Covarog hung onto his will to not be paralysed by fear and madness, and cut through them. He slashed swords with Stalfos, and with an a swing off his free fist, knocked its skull clean off its body.

The King ran after the Poe, who split into four again. “Just lie down and die boy. Join the others.”

Covarog watched them closely for any opening. One of the Poes made a twirl of the lantern, followed by the others. A tick perhaps? The moans of the dead screamed at him. As the Poes were about to strike, Covarog lunged at the real one, filling his sword with light magic and thrusting it through the chest of the Poe. It screamed with pain and burst into flames. The magic fire traveled outwards over the bodies and black void to illuminate another door in the distance.

Covarog ran towards it as the wails of the dead continued. More Redead rose up to try and grab him. As he neared the door a FloorMaster shot out of the corpses to clench Covarog. In his anger at his Father claiming so many victims, Covarog blasted the monster apart with a burst of magic. He threw himself through the door and gasped for breath as he shut the door behind him. “God damn it.”

So many. So many dead. Why did Klinge bring him here to see this? “Why? Why!?!”

On cue his voice echoed around him. “So that you will never repeat the sins of the past. You fought through the horrors of the dead and came out alive and kicking. Impressive. Continue on. Reach the top of the tower to face your final challenge. You will need Power and Endurance to succeed here.”

Covarog caught his breath and reeled in his anger. Looking around he saw a room with old destroyed war machines and a large spiraling stair case. It was like a colosseum. It was going to take forever to get up. If only he had a horse. Walking around he tried to figure out how old these machines were when he froze looking to his right. A large beast locked eyes with him. Father had snuck him out when he was younger to the mountain plains on a safari trip. They were exceptionally rare in these times. It stood taller then him and was shrouded in an aura of power. Ganondorf explained in older times he used them as the highest of guards, but were far too dangerous to have mixed with the Hylian guard and civilians, so he let them be in the wild. It was a Lynel. And Covarog knew this was going to hurt.

The Lynel let out a roar that physically made Covarog’s clothing blow backwards. Drawing a bow it galloped towards him. Covarog dove behind a machine as arrows of lightning zipped by him. Drawing his great sword he saw the Lynel make its return, the beast drawing an incredibly large axe and shield. Covarog lifted his blade up to block the strike of the beast. The force of the Lynel sent Covarog rolling into some debris. “Bastards too big.”

Covarog got up, and lost sight of it. Looking around it didn’t take long to figure out where it went. Looking up he saw the Lynel had jumped into the air and was flying at him with a downwards strike. Covarog dove to his feet and jumped to the right, avoiding the strike, but getting blasted away in the impact the Lynel made, an explosion set off by its power.

Covarog felt exhausted rising to his feet. If only he had his dad’s Triforce of Power. That could give him the edge. Power. He had to channel it in more constructive way then the beast to defeat it. The Lynel charged at him again from afar and Covarog drew his bow. Focusing his energy he launched a magic arrow at the beast’s head. The Lynel held its eye in pain and Covarog rushed forward with gusto. Jumping to the right he slashed at the monsters side as it ran past him. The Lynel gave a growl and turned itself around, fire rising from its mouth, and bursting out into large bolts at the King.

Covarog ran his best in a circle to avoid the shots, feeling the heat just behind him. Coming to a stop he fired another arrow at the Beast. The Lynel roared in furious anger as an arrow entered his ear. With all its rage it charged it Covarog, hoping to rip him apart with his jaws and gorge him with his horns. Covarog charges and grabs hold of the Lynels horns. “Goddesses give me strength!”

With a yell he dragged his feet as the Lynel pushed, until he finally started to slow down. Using all his strength he smashed its head into a stone pillar. Quickly he jumped onto its back and drove a dagger into the back of the monster’s neck. “Listen well Beast! You will bow to my might! I am Covarog Dragmire and you will recognize my strength!”

The Lynel stopped struggling and relented. Covarog smiled with a sense of accomplishment. “Good. Now you’re going to take me to the top of this structure.”

Just as he started to ride off, a strong laugh filled the air, and streams of a dark, purplish energy filled the room. It flew down and filled one of the machines that laid dormant. It flickered and glowed a bright red. Its limbs came to life and its head turned to Covarog. A glowing red light shone on him and ticking noise filled the room.

Covarog’s jaw slowly dropped. Leere and Impa filled him in all about these in tales and pictures. The Ancient Shiekah had built machines of great power to combat the Calamity, the Guardians. But upon one of Ganon’s returns, he corrupted the machines, using them as tools of destruction and carnage.

The ticking stopped and a large laser flew over his head, detonating a part of the wall. The Guardian crawled towards him like a spider. It barely missed, and unless Covarog did something, it wouldn’t miss again. The red laser took aim once more, squared on Covarog’s face.

The Lynel ran as fast as it could but the Guardian was right behind. Covarog took aim with his bow, but it was hard to get a clear shot galloping at such speeds. Letting go an arrow he hit it square in the eye. The Guardian shifted its aim and fired a shot just to the left of the Gerudo. He kept galloping and moved fast.

“Almost there, move it boy.”

The Guardian’s red laser took aim once more. Covarog fired and arrow, and to his unfortunate luck, missed this time. The laser fired a clear shot. He had no choice but to jump off the Lynel. Doing so he avoided the shot that blasted the beast to large chunks of flesh. Covarog kept running towards the exit, it was a much larger door. He must have made it back up to the proper level because he saw fog leaking out from underneath it. Unfortunately the sound of targeting hit his ears.

“Faster, damn it! I’m not dying to some hunk of metal!”

The targeting was narrowing in, then, at a concentrated point, the laser fired. Covarog gathered all his courage and turned around in a motion grabbing his shield. With it he swung his arm as hard as he could at the shot. In a one in a thousand chance, he redirected the laser, having it bounce back at the Guardian off his shield. It wasn’t destroyed, but the shot blew off a leg. The King wasn’t going to wait. He ran to the door and pulled them open. Squeezing through he panted as he shut the door.

Looking up behind him he saw a stair case going up to a floating ring. “Klinge? Can you hear me?”

“Yes Covarog, I can.” His voice was more whispery then usual.

“I can barely hear you? What am I about to head into? Because this place has some very ups and downs.”

“The Temple of the Lost Is filled with many spirits. Their power has been able to bend and shape the architecture at will. Years being trapped its all they could do…I’m sorry. But he is here. I can’t see over you any longer Covarog, but I believe you are ready to face your Father’s Darkness. Remember who you are. Remember what you can accomplish….”

“Klinge? Klinge?!” It was no use, his guide was gone. Covarog readied his sword as he went up the stairs. Half way through walking up the purple shadows from before flew past him up to the top of the ring. He felt a chill as he neared the top of the ring. When Covarog reached the top no one was there. Walking closer to the centre to investigate, the stair case shattered, leaving him stuck on the floating platform.

He couldn’t believe. Of course his one exit was gone. Behind him back at the centre he heard a familiar laugh. “Don’t act so shocked boy.”

Turning back Covarog’s eye widened. Before him was a younger Ganondorf. “Father?”

Ganondorf smiled. “Yes my son. It’s me.”

Covarog did not like that smile, or those eyes. “…No. You aren’t my Father, not the one who raised me, not who he is anymore.”

Ganondorf merely shrugged. “Don’t be ridiculous boy. Of course I’m your father. You think what you’ve seen today isn’t a part of him? It’s always going to be part of him. And it’s part of you too.” The King of Evil pointed at Covarog’s heart.

The King of Hyrule retaliated with a growl and drew his sword. “No. We’ve grown. We aren’t the monsters you make us out to be. People can change.”

Ganondorf laughed low, which turned into howling laughter. “Dear boy, how wrong you are.” He floated into the air and drew a sword. His hand went to his face, and it burned away. A skull with horns and yellow eyes glowed evilly at Covarog. “The one known as Klinge was a fool to bring you here. I am a cut above the rest of the spirits here. I will tear your soul and claim your body as my own!” Ganon’s Phantom gave a ghastly laugh and charged at Covarog.

Covarog tightened his grip on his blade and locked eyes with Phantom Ganon. They clashed swords and the demon flew past. Turning around he gave a laugh and put his hand in the air. Sparks of electricity filled his hand making a ball. The Phantom threw it at Covarog with furious malice. The King heard about stories of this from Rinku. Some of her battles with Father involved the technique Dead Man’s Volley.  

Concentrating he swung his sword at the blast. It launched back at Phantom Ganon, but the dark entity was ready. He swung his sword back at the blast, sending it straight at the King again. Covarog wasn’t prepared for how much faster it would come back around. The ball of energy hit him, and Covarog screamed in agony as he was electrified. His skull and bones could be seen momentarily as his body convulsed.

Covarog nearly fell to his feet., but stopped himself. He knew if he did it would be over. Getting up he stopped Phantom Ganon from squiring him like a shish cabob from another thrust of a blade. Covarog parried and went to the side. The King took a breath and wiped some blood off his lips. His opponent once again charged a blast, ready to claim the kings soul. Phantom Ganon threw the ball with a war cry. Covarog gave a reply of his own as he swatted the ball back.

“I’m ready for you Demon.”

Phantom Ganon swatted the ball back to Covarog, the speed of the energy picking up. Covarog engaged the Dead Man’s Volley and returned to sender. Phantom Ganon hissed and the ball went back, the speed out of control. Sparks hissed and flew, the destructive energy growing. Covarog swatted it back again, the ball whizzing towards Phantom Ganon. The Phantom gave one last swat at the ball. There was no way the Gerudo boy could retaliate.

The energy whizzed and sparked wildly. Covarog mustered all his strength and timing, hit the energy one more time, and sent it back. Phantom Ganon couldn’t keep up with the speed and roared with pain as his body was shocked with the magic. His form fell to the ground and Covarog threw himself at him, wasting no time slicing open his stomach. Shadow energy poured out and Phantom Ganon fell back.

“Damn….you!” His body broke apart and formed a larger form. A dark image of Ganon the Pig Wizard of old, shaped from all the dark energy. The Phantom drew a large trident and flew around in a gust of mist.

With a wave of his hand the Phantom generated multiple energy balls. They all shot towards Covarog, each trying to claim his life so that an ancient evil could rise again. The Gerudo King used all his acrobatics to avoid the shots. With a swing of his sword he sent the last three shots back, putting all his weight into his swing. Two of the shots hit Phantom Ganon, dealing him great pain. With a grunt he teleported around Covarog and attempted to slice him with his trident. Covarog growled as he defended himself with his blade. Raising a free hand he shot a blast of magic into the Phantom’s face.

Phantom Ganon pounded his feet onto the ring. He was getting tired of this. “You are doing well, lad. But can you break through this secret technique of darkness? EN GARDE!”

A large layer of shadow covers the entire arena, blacking out the light. All Covarog can make out it a very light silhouette of Phantom Ganon’s eyes and trident. The shadow of Ganon threw his trident at Covarog. The young King wasn’t expecting it to fly and spin on its own. The right blade sliced his side open as it whizzed by. Covarog yelled in pain and followed the trident best he could in the darkness. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ganon fire another shot of energy at him.

Covarog barely had time to dodge the ball. Doing so he took his eyes off the flying trident, which came back around and sliced open his back. Blood stained his clothes and the King felt his body and soul weaken.

From outside Klinge could feel the King’s life slowly drain. He made a mistake by bringing him here. He tried to enter the temple but could not. At this point all he could do was hope for Covarog’s victory.

“Come on boy, I believe in you.”

Covarog saw the trident follow ahead of him. He had one chance at this.

Phantom Ganon teleported behind him and fired another ball of energy, hoping to catch his opponent off guard and finally take his body. Covarog expected this and suddenly turned around with a swing, sending the energy ball back. Phantom Ganon’s body convulsed as the energy effected him. Covarog put light magic into his sword and thrust it into the heart of his foe.

Phantom’s Ganon gave a pained oink and started to glow. “Impossible! I! AM! GANON!”

Covarog smirked with fury as he drew his sword more down the spirits body. “You’re nothing more then a shadow. And your time is over.”

Phantom Ganon started to explode and an overwhelming light filled the room. “I AM A PART OF YOU!!! I WILL RETUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!!!!!”

Covarog’s eyes glossed over from the light that hit him. Walking up he slowly opened them to find Klinge shaking him. “Covarog. Covarog. Wake up.”

“Did…did I win?”

“You did.”

Klinge helps the King to his feet. In Covarog’s hand was the Skull Necklace of Phantom Ganon. Damn right he got a souvenir. “That…was some test. If you can really call it that. I could have died back there.”

“I know. For that I apologize. I received word that certain spirits had broken free from their ancient rests and had gathered in this temple to enhance their strength, perhaps waiting for their master. This was something that should have been left to your father or elder sisters, but I needed to know that the New King of Hyrule had the Power, Courage, and Wisdom to face this evil. You slayed a number of ancient spirits today and overcame much of the past. There is no doubt in my mind Covarog. You are every bit the man your father is, and more. I am quite proud of you.” Klinge pats Covarog’s shoulder.

Covarog was beaming with pride. “Thank you. I will continue my Father’s legacy of being a man, and I’m glad I was able to overcome his demons. You taught me much over these years Klinge. Thank you.” Covarog gives a respectful bow to Klinge.

The Darknut nods respectfully back and gives a chuckle. “Yes, now lets see to it we get home and have you cleaned up without your wife noticing your injuries.”

“Right, her fury is more terrifying then any demon.” The two men laugh as they get on horseback.

[evajellion]

Part 8, where Richie gets extremely lazy

… and proves he knows nothing about Star Fox besides Adventures, and whatever Smash established.

Since I’ve been on-and-off with my Star Fox kick, I’m really going to love ripping him apart with my knowledge on the Star Fox lore.

A/N: Hope you like this chapter forks. Oh, and Jak will have his original voice, not his PSASBR voice.

This matters… why? Do you want us to imagine him with his original voice, and not the PSASBR one? That should be up to the readers, shouldn’t it?

Also you act as if you have control over the “voices” in this fan-fic. It’s literature, Richie, you don’t.

Edit: WHILE I’M AT IT, holy shit, thank you for catching this

[1/14/17, 2:19:09 AM] Batan Q: ladies and utensils

Anyway, let’s start with Fox and Falco.

"Is anyone tracking us?" Fox's lover, Krystal, asked as Fox and Falco scanned for any sign of Star Wolf in the Great Fox.

"Nope. None that I can tell. There. Star Wolf is got to be here" Fox said pointing to the scanner. "I heard Wolf teamed up with one of Ganondorf's minions, according to Link. But…"

… wat

OOC Counter: 31

That was fast! Richie, why would Star Wolf be working with Ganondorf’s minions? Star Wolf would dump the likes of Zant, Ghirahim, and the two villains from the Oracle games within a heartbeat!

Like, even if they were paid a lot, they wouldn’t be too trusting of things related to Ganondorf.

"But, how about a brake for a change?" Falco scoffed, "You know, if Wolf is there, then they doubt they find any power there."

Memes aside, that sentence doesn’t make any sense? Wolf wouldn’t be interested in “power”, it’s such a vague statement too. Do they already know about Polygon Man?

Also, Star Fox generally tries to steer clear of Star Wolf. If they get into a dogfight, it’s a thing that kind happens. They really shouldn’t have to keep tabs on Star Wolf.

OOC Counter: 32

"I don't know, Falco" Krystal said "I did see many visions of people and creatures fighting over this power. And it seemed to be controlling some giant hands."

"Master and Crazy Hand? Someone controlling them again" Falco asked surprised.

"That is what concerned me" Fox said "If Wolf or any of the evil forces get their hands on that power, the whole Lylat System could be in peril. Falco, let's go. Get the Arwings prepared."

Wolf? Evil? No, he’s just a dickhead. He’s only evil in Star Fox 2, 64, and Zero… all of which are in separate continuities.

"So we're leaving towards an unknown world?" Falco said as he and Fox begins to climb into their Arwings "You do know we'll be fighting as well right?"

"Yeah I know, but we couldn't ignore this. We have to go down there and see for ourselves" Fox said and then turned to Krystal "Stay on course for Corneria, Krystal. If we can, we'll catch up to you later."

"Be careful you two" Krystal said as the two flew off towards the battlefield.

Hey now Fox, watch it, remember what you did last time you went “no Krystal, it’s too dangerous”? You kicked her off the team, that’s what.

And all the soap opera shit ensued.

"You know, Fox, we've encountered some real freaks on this little adventure of ours" Falco said to Fox as they walked onto the Rival Arena. But then he spotted something which makes him and Fox stop "Like those two for example: both have two heads!"

Those 'freaks' are actually Jak and Ratchet who has Daxter and Clank on their backs, whom stopped.

Honestly, I think Sly would have been a much better rival for Fox than the double duo. Mainly because:

Both had fathers that were killed by a major antagonist.

Both have love interests that are foxes, that they’ve had rocky moments with.

Both have really good allies on their team.

Both have had to team up with their former enemies (Panda King and Dimitri in Sly’s case, Star Wolf in Fox’s) 

Really, it only makes sense. Sadly, Sly was used with someone else.

"What was that?!" Jak said almost threatening.

"What did you say?!" Ratchet said, a bit offended.

"Oh!" Falco said as he realized "Those little guys, the tincan and the weasel creature, are both sidekicks."

"Falco..." Fox whispered.

"Did that... erm... birdman, just call me a sidekick?" Clank asked.

"And I'm sure he just called me WEASEL CREATURE!" Daxter shouted crossily.

"BIRDMAN?!" Falco snapped but Fox walked in front of him with his blaster out.

"Maybe it's time someone teaches you two some manners" Fox said, pointing his blaster at them.

Wow, couldn’t get any lazier than this, could you Richie?

I’m not even going to paste the other rival scene. Wanna know why? He ripped this from Jak & Daxter, and Ratchet & Clank’s rival scenes, word for fucking word.

I think Fox would rather start a conversation, keep Falco from drawing to conclusions, before Daxter and Falco get into a fight.

OOC Counter: 33

"Your girlfriend's right, Fox. The Hands are being controlled!" Falco said.

"I consider this a roleplaying game" Polygon Man said "Today you've be playing the part of a piñata."

"No, the role of the piñata is YOU! You're finished!" Fox said as they prepared to fight.

Fox’s line feels… so forced here. He’s capable of cracking wise lines when telling his enemies that his team is Star Fox, but this sounds… aggressive? I think he would be more calm than this.

OOC Counter: 34

"Fox! Falco! You're back!" Krystal said hugging Fox as he and Falco returns. "I've begun worrying about you two."

"Don't worry, Krystal" Fox said "we're back now. But you're right. The Hands were controlled but we took care of the one controlling them."

"Well, his minions put up a fight, he's just stay by the background and slams to the floor ready to be smacked down" Falco said.

"Well I'm glad you're OK" Krystal said "And we got reading on Star Wolf heading for Sauria."

Again, like I said at the start… wat.

"Dinosaur Planet?" Falco said surprised looking at the readout. "Why are they're there?"

Took the words outta my mouth Fox--

"Orders of Andross. Fox, we have to..." Krystal said but Fox put both hands on her shoulders.

No.

Richie, Andross is dead.

In Assault, Andrew Oikonny takes his place with a rebellion, and Star Wolf is no longer under Andross’s orders! They even kicked out both Oikonny, and Pigma. (which honestly, still kinda irks me, but that’s besides the point)

This really tells me he only played Adventures or something. And I like Adventures, despite the divisive opinions on it, but Richie should have done some damn research before setting foot into the breeding ground for all bad furry fan-fiction.

OOC Counter: 35 (concerning Star Wolf, that is)

Also, where the fuck are Slippy, Peppy, and ROB 64? Do they just not matter to you, Richie?

… Actually, you know what? It’s better Richie never touched them. Or the rest of Star Wolf, or Oikonny. I would hate to see him ruin them. Even though, I’m sure Command did much worse.

Maybe Richie doesn’t like Star Wolf because of Krystal leaving Fox for Panther in Command? Which wasn’t even Star Wolf’s fault, but Fox’s? I dunno, and honestly, I don’t care all that much.

--

Do the double team of duos fair any better?

… Not really. In fact, it just gets lazier.

Jak and Daxter were rebuilding Haven City when they received some surprising guests: Ratchet and Clank. Seeing Ratchet, Jak grabs him by the shirt.

"Alright furball, what are you're doing here?" Jak said (Mike Erwin's voice, not the voice they used in the game, urgh).

Oh, boohoo, Jak doesn’t have the voice from his PS2 games! Muh nostalgia!

Suck it up Richie. They couldn’t get every voice actor to reprise their roles. I think Jak’s voice in PSASBR is just fine, and think it’s dumb when people bitch about it.

Also, slapping OOC counter for Jak, he wouldn’t be this aggressive. He can be moody, but not to this extent.

OOC Counter: 36

"Calm down, we came to seek your help" Ratchet said as he got free from Jak's grip.

"And what'd you need our help for?" Daxter asked "Not gonna mock us again, are you?"

"No. Listen" Clank said "We received word that there may be a powerful source going over there somewhere. Maybe Gold Bolts or Eco, who knows."

"More Eco? Are you sure?" Daxter said.

"Either that or Gold Bolts. But this is powerful stuff, and we're not the only people looking for it. And they have partners."

"And the idea of teaming up with you is sick to my stomach" Ratchet said "we need your help. Help us track this energy down and we get to the bottom of this."

Ratchet, dude, what the hell? He was only this salty in the PS2 games, geez!

OOC Counter: 37

"Ha! And if you thought me and Jak are gonna help you, you're gonna... OUCH!" Daxter said but then smacked on the head by Jak.

"Daxter, this could be serious. It could mean that purple head's back" Jak said "Fine, but we'll do things my way."

"Fine. Whatever works for you" Ratchet said as the four board Ratchet's ship.

I should have made a counter for how many lines Richie repeats. “We’ll do things my way”, how many times has this been said?… I dare someone to keep track.

Rival scene is literally copypasted from Ratchet’s rival scene, I’ll save the trouble for you all.

OOC Counter: 38 (for Fox and Falco)

After defeating Fox and Falco, Clank and Daxter looked down on them.

"We're sorry, but you started it" Clank said.

"Yeah you dodo he... err... Jak, Ratchet, what's wrong?" Daxter asked as they saw Jak and Ratchet glaring at the distance.

Oh wow, chatter/banter after the rival battle, rather than just jumping to the Polygon Man battle? This is a surprise.

As for the ending… Copypasted, of fucking course, except for this part.

"Don't steal the spotlight like you always do, Daxter" Clank said "Anyway, we gotta go. There's a new signal picking up."

"You're going already?" Daxter asked "Couldn't you stay for lunch?"

"Nah, we'll be off." Ratchet said but left one message for Jak "You did well today. But the next time we'll meet... we'll settling things."

Both Jak and Ratchet gave each other rivalry grins and both glowing in blue auras.

"I'll be waiting" Jak grinned.

Pretty unique send off, but since the first part was literally copied from both their endings, I nearly skipped it. That’s how lazy Richie is-- I become tired of it.

Hoo boy… so, where do I begin? Let’s try to revise all of this!

Taking place after Assault’s events, the Star Fox team picks up an odd signal. A distressed one, coming from Master Hand. Krystal feels that someone with “mind patterns not of this world” is controlling Master Hand. Before they can leave… who better to also come in contact with, than Captain fucking Falcon? Who also picked up that distress signal after competing in a race. Fox and Captain Falcon agree to cooperate, as the team that’s part mercenary, and part bounty hunter.

Rather than Ratchet, Sly Cooper tries to pull a fast one on Jak to get his attention. Daxter remembers him, and doesn’t understand why he showed up, until Sly mentions that he’s been separated from his team, and ended up in Jak’s world-- suggesting that the events are taking place after Thieves in Time. In hopes of getting back to his team and Carmelita, he’s asking Jak and Daxter for their help. They’re unsure at first, until they notice some weird, chaotic stuff going on, indicating Polygon Man has come back. With no other choice, they team up.

In the rival scene, Daxter randomly walks up to Fox and Captain Falcon to start annoying them. Captain Falcon remains calm, but Fox eventually loses his cool when Daxter begins touching his weapons. The Reflector is activated, sending Daxter over to where Jak and Sly are. Jak asks what they heck they did, while Sly tells him to chill, and Fox tells them it was self-defense. Despite this, Daxter tries to pick a fight once he gets back up. Captain Falcon and Sly know where this is going, and pretty much give in to the fact that they’re going to fight.

Alternatively, Sly drops in on the two Smash Bros, and asks what they’re doing. In a good enough mood, Fox says they picked up a distress signal from someone they know. Captain Falcon though, picks up on the fact Sly is a thief of some kind, and Fox should be on his toes. Even though he tries to explain he only goes for other thieves worse than him, Sly learns out that he’s facing up against a bounty hunter, as opposed to just someone from the police. Jak asks what’s going on, and Sly requests to have “a little help”.

Captain Falcon prepares to depart after the adventure, asking if Fox would ever take up racing as a hobby. Fox says he would only do that “if he had seriously lost it”. Captain Falcon comments on how Fox reminds him of someone he knows, then takes his leave on his ship, which is faster than before due to Polygon Man’s power fueling it. Slippy comments on how weird all of that was, and they are contacted by Oikonny. It turns out, he wasn’t killed by the Aparoid moth, and his rebellion is coming back to get revenge. Fox comments on how much of a mistake that is, confusing Oikonny, as he is unaware that the Great Fox is also powered up. It ends with ROB 64 setting course to where Oikonny is located.

For the All-Star’s ending, Jak and Daxter ask what the heck even happened to Sly for him to end up in their world. Sly, almost ready to give up hope, leans back and prepares to tell them everything that happened throughout Thieves in Time. A Rift Gate however, is acting oddly, and Jak points it out. It seems to have a reaction to the power that once belonged to Polygon Man. Sly attempts to get close to it, and sees that a warp to his era opens up in the Rift Gate. Sly apologizes, saying he has to “leave it on a cliffhanger for now”, much to Daxter’s annoyance, as he wanted to hear the whole story. Jak wishes him good luck on finding his teammates, and their story closes.

There’s just one more after this, and it’ll be over! Hurrah!

[deiliamedlini]

Whumptober 2020: Day 25

Previous / Chapter Index

Link had spent many nights so far in the pitch darkness. That wasn’t exactly what bothered him when he was blindfolded. The tightness didn’t do anything to annoy him, nor did he feel any great pain. In fact, it reminded him of several attempted escapes he’d made from Ganondorf in his younger days. It also reminded him of one time he was set upon by several female pirates and thrown into their prison, but that wasn’t quite the same.

No, Link wasn’t bothered by the pain, or the way his body jostled around. Though it wasn’t pleasant, he didn’t even mind losing his sense of direction after being tossed from guard to guard.

What he minded, was hearing it happen to Zelda.

It was a strange feeling. For so many years, Link had been alone, summoned for Ganondorf’s whims, forced to dine and train with the man, though there was little contact with others. He could remember feeling Ganondorf reinforcing his magic hold on Link’s mind.

So perhaps it was simply a matter of being in someone else’s company that had endeared her to him so forcefully. Maybe he simply became addicted to those he spent the most time with. Maybe she had magic that had affected him as well.

Had it just been himself, Link would have gone with Ganondorf. He’d have accepted his failed escape, no matter how close to freedom he’d been. He’d even accept the magical infiltration of his mind. At least it would have made him forget the bitter regret of being close to escape.

But he didn’t hear the whisper of magic in his ears. He heard Zelda’s panicked sounds as she struggled, her fight from when they’d first captured her had returned tenfold.

There was a noise, a pained hiss from a male, and then a smack. “The bitch had a knife!”

Link struggled harder, but he was bound too firmly. He wished he could feel inside his pockets. She had to have taken one of his smaller ones at some point, because there was no way her larger knife had survived their ambush. Which one did she take? Which did he have left?

But there was one other who knew Link as well as Zelda had apparently come to know him. He’d never disclosed the locations of his knives. He’d never even told her about them. Perhaps when he’d been ill? When had she taken them?

There were hands on Link, pressing into his chest, feeling around his pockets aggressively. One knife was pulled out.

Though Link couldn’t speak, he made a three syllable sound, and Ganondorf chuckled, so close that he could feel the man’s nose brush his ear.

“Hello to you too, Link.” Ganon pulled another knife from Link’s hidden pockets.

Link took advantage of his closeness and rammed his head against Ganondorf’s, enjoying the pained howl he made. He felt the retaliating sting of a hard slap, so forceful that he had stumbled to his knees, rolling to the ground from the momentum. He was suddenly thankful for the gag, which prevented his teeth from banging into anything or making his lips bleed from a hard clench as his face pressed hard into the dirt. He could feel the scrapes of rocks against his skin, and then, he felt Ganondorf’s hand pull him up by the hair.

Link stumbled, dizzy and confused now, his feet having a harder time finding the ground from how much he’d been spun around.

Ganon’s fingers wrapped warmly around Link’s throat, squeezing gently, a warning. “Do that again, boy, and you won’t have ears.”

Zelda could be heard making noises still, and Link struggled a bit further, every noise he made drawing one from her.

“My, my, Princess,” Ganondorf muttered. His voice seemed far away, but his hands were still firmly grasped against Link’s throat. He wondered it was magic or a trick of Link’s mind. “Do you care what happens to your captor? Do you remember who brought you from that peaceful life you once led? Do you not remember who coaxed you into succumbing to my magic? Yet you fear for him. How interesting. You both perplex me.”

There was a snap, and Link felt himself hoisted to his feet, dragged, and thrown onto the back of a horse, his hands re-bound so that if he tried to get loose, the horse would also fall, and he’d be recaptured quickly by someone else.

He didn’t know where Zelda was, or if the same was happening to her. He couldn’t hear her, see her, or even sense her, as he sometimes had while he’d been asleep.

And, to his surprise, that was the most disorienting feeling of all.

Next

[anotherlifefic]

Chapter 21: A New Life

From then on, I counted the days without any message from Link. A week turned into a month, then two. And as the date on which the baby was due approached, I still hadn't heard of him. I had barely left the house during the last two weeks. I did not know if it was the pregnancy or my heavy heart that confined me to my home, but whenever I was about to get up, I would barely stand before sinking down again. I was lucky that my mother and father took good care of me during this time, otherwise my child and I might have starved. And I was just as lucky that both my parents were with me when my water broke. It happened so fast I barely even noticed it; my father had just helped me out of bed to get me to take a walk when I heard the splash. Then my mother grabbed me. „Rebecca...“ „Mama?“, I asked, my voice thin with fear, as I felt the first contraction. „Hush, darling.“ Then she turned to my father. „Go get Graynne. And be quick!“ She wrapped an arm around me to steady me. „Come, walk around with me a bit. It'll make labor easier.“ I leaned on her heavily as she guided me in circles around the room. Just a few minutes later, my father returned with Graynne. The old woman smiled at me. „Don't worry, Rebecca. I'm here to help you.“ „Is there anything I can do?“, my father asked. „I could go heat up some water. I remember doing that when Rebecca was about to be born.“ „Yes, do that“, the midwife told him and then turned to me again. „How far apart are the contractions at this point?“ „T...the last contraction was about ten minutes ago“, I said between gritted teeth. The pain made my eyes water. „Mama helped me walk around in the meantime.“ „Good. Now remember to breathe deeply.“ I took a deep breath. „O...okay.“

This is how it went on for the next few hours. Walking, breathing and occasionally drinking some water. My parents took turns supporting me. I was exhausted and began to stumble as my father led me through the room. Tears were streaming down my face, both from pain and fear. If only Link were here, I thought more than once. Suddenly, we heard noise come from the marketplace. Like there were a lot of people gathering. „What is going on?“, my father asked. „Doesn't matter now!“, Graynne snapped at him. „We can worry about that once your grandchild is born and we made sure that your daughter is well!“ His attention immediately returned to me. „Rebecca, can you still walk?“ „I don't think so“, I replied, hunching over and clutching my stomach. „Papa, I'm scared.“ „It's okay, love“, he said softly. All of a sudden, the door to the bedroom was opened pretty violently, and a very bewildered Link stood in the doorframe.  He was breathing heavily, and I could see the traces of the war on him. He looked starved and unkempt, his armor was dented and full of dried blood. Navi was fluttering around him like a scared bird. I immediately let go of my father and stretched my arms out for Link, almost falling in the process. He caught me, pressing me to his chest. „Link“, I said in between sobs. „You're home.“ „I'm home“, he assured me. „I'm home.“ „And just on time, too“, Graynne said. „I think you can come to the bed now, Rebecca.“ My father and Link both led me over. „No, no“, Graynne stopped me as I was about to lay down. „Try to stay upright. It'll help the baby come out faster.“ Once I was positioned on my knees, held up by my parents and husband, she proceeded:„Now with the next contraction, I want you to push. And don't forget to breathe in between contractions.“ I nodded, in too much pain to talk. The next contraction came, and I pushed. Once it faded, I took a deep breath. Then came the next one. „Don't let up, Rebecca! I can see the head!“, Graynne announced, giving me a bit of confidence. A few minutes later, with a last push and my last bit of energy, I finally did it. The bundle slipped out of me and fell into the soft sheets of the bed, upon which Graynne quickly tied the umbilical cord with string and cut it. Then she took the baby into her arms, gave it a light smack on the behind, prompting it to let out a loud wail. She nodded, satisfied, wrapped the baby in a blanket and handed it to me. „Congratulations. It's a boy!“ I looked at my son's tiny face, and my heart fluttered. He was so small! Link wrapped his arms around me and our son. „He's perfect“, he told me and kissed my cheek. „Thank you.“ „I'm sorry that you had to come home to this. You were just in a war and now you can't even catch a break after coming home...“ „Don't ever be sorry for this“, he told me firmly. His eyes were bright with joy. „I witnessed so much death during the past months. It feels good to see someone come to life for a change.“ „I hate to be a bother, but it's time to wash the little one“, Graynne said. I hesitantly handed our little Gareth to her. I trusted her, but now that I knew what it felt like to hold him, I didn't want to give him away again, no matter how brief the seperation would be.

The afterbirth came out without complications, and once Gareth was washed, my parents helped me into a nearby chair so that they could take the bloody sheets from the bed and replace them with clean ones. While they did so, I pulled down my dress and let my son drink. „He seems to be taking your milk well. I've seen babies who rejected their mother's breast, but he doesn't seem to have any problem with it.“ Graynne seemed quite satisfied with her work. „I will be taking my leave then. If there is anything you need, you know where to find me.“ „I will. Thank you so much for your help, Graynne.“ My mother smiled at Link. „Can you help Rebecca back into bed?“ „Sure“, he said kindly. „Thank you for being there for Rebecca when I couldn't.“ „Thank you for fighting to keep all of us safe“, my father replied. Then they left. Once we were alone again, Link carried me over to the bed, gently placing me on my side before undoing the clasps of his armor and crawling under the sheets on his side. I extended my hand and stroked his cheek. „So Ganondorf is gone, right?“, I asked carefully. „He is“, Link confirmed. „It really didn't look good, and we lost a lot of good people. But in the end, I got some help...“ „Help?“, I asked. „From whom?“ „Long story.“ He let out a loud yawn. „I will tell you all about it once I'm less tired.“ I smiled. „Of course, love. Sleep as much as you need.“

The next morning, I was already strong enough to walk again. Not for longer periods of time, but I could move around in the house, where there were plenty of opportunities to sit down and rest, and that was what mattered. I kept Gareth with me the whole time, to make sure I would hear him when he needed to be changed or fed. Link was still asleep, and I had just come down to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast, which was quite difficult while I was holding a baby. But I managed, and soon, I heard footsteps on the stairs. Link entered the kitchen, lured in by the scent of bacon and eggs. „This smells delicious“, he mumbled. „Then sit down“, I told him, placing the food on a plate. He did, and I handed it to him. Then he dug in like he hadn't eaten in weeks. And judging by the way he looked, that might as well have been true. While he ate, I nursed Gareth, smiling at him. He was so adorable! Though, that's probably what all mothers say about their children. When Link was done with his food, he looked up. „How are you feeling?“ „I should ask you the same question“, I replied dryly. „I'm not the one who just got back from war.“ „No, but you just gave birth.“ Link shoved the plate away. „At least tell me that you also made some breakfast for yourself.“ I looked at the empty frying pan. „Uhm...“ He sighed and rubbed his eyes. „Rebecca. You need to eat.“ „I just wanted to make sure that you were taken care of, first, after all you've been through.“ „That does not excuse this!“ Link had raised his voice in anger. Gareth, appearantly sensing the tension between us, started to cry. I hugged him tighter. „Link, we're both very tense right now. Maybe we should just try to calm down.“ Link took a deep breath. „You might be right.“ Then he looked at our son. „...may I hold him? Just for a little bit?“ „Link, you're his father. You can hold him as often and as long as you want, without asking me.“ „Right“, Link said absent-mindedly as I handed the baby to him. „I'm... I'm a father now.“ Gareth calmed down a little as Link rocked him in his arms. I smiled at them, taking in the peaceful image of my husband holding our newborn son and committing it to memory. After a while, Link sighed deeply and handed Gareth back to me. „So, I guess that now I can tell you how we won the war.“ „If you're comfortable with it“, I replied. Link leaned back in his chair. „As I wrote in my letters, towards the end, it looked like we would lose, despite me having the Master Sword. We had to abandon our camp and all of the provisions we had brought, and retreat to a cave a mile or so south of that. As luck would have it, that cave housed a Great Fairy.“ I knew about the Great Fairies; benevolent, godlike beings that would appear at certain fountains to aid heroes in times of need. Songs and poems about them were quite common in taverns. „And the Great Fairy helped you?“ „Yes.“ His face lit up. „She sent out her servants, the fairies, and they healed our wounded and distracted the enemy forces enough so I could slip through them and reach Ganondorf almost unhindered.“ „And then?“, I asked. „We dueled. A fight face to face.“ His voice trailed off. „It was just like last time. And after he was sealed away, his monsters crumbled to dust. I feel like I should be happy, but... I'm not. Not after so many people on our side lost their lives.“ I lowered my head, placing my hand on his. „I understand.“

Link's nightmares got worse after that, and I couldn't blame him. I dared not imagine the horrors he must have faced during the war. But with Link's tossing and turning, and Gareth crying in the middle of the night, I did not get a lot of sleep. I also noticed that many of the old, familiar faces I had known since childhood hadn't returned. People all over the city wore mourning clothes, and almost everyone seemed tired. Tired from living in fear for so long. Was this how the survivors in that other future looked by the time Link awoke to save them? These gaunt, haunted faces?

I awoke in the middle of the night, as I did so often. Gareth was crying again, and as I turned to see if Link was awake, too, I found the other side of the bed empty. I got out of bed and took my son in my arms, pulling the collar of my nightgown down so he could drink, leaving the bedroom and wanting to go downstairs, when I heard sounds from the soon-to-be-nursery. I tried the handle; the door was unlocked. It creaked as I opened it, garnering the attention of Link, who sat on the floor in the middle of the room. „Rebecca? Sorry. I had a nightmare again, and I didn't want to wake you, so I got up.“ „Okay, but why here?“ He looked around. „I tried to imagine what this room might look like in the future. Just to remind myself that there is a future to be had, even after all that has happened.“ He ran his hand through his disheveled hair. „All of this... it was like nothing I did in that other future really mattered. I didn't save these people's lives, just extended them by a few years.“ „That is already worth a lot“, I told him, carefully sitting down next to him. As soon as Gareth had finished his midnight-meal and I had burped him, Link reached over to me and took him in his arms. He relaxed as soon as the baby was comfortably settled. Link smiled and let Gareth hold onto his finger. It was as if our son's presence let Link forget about the war. At least for a little while.