#And only 1/2 of the remaining also have some mental issues...

[creatingblackcharacters]

"Calling Out Racists? Help!"

(shout out to the situation sender who's chosen to remain anonymous!)

NOTE: People of color, if you feel that your efforts would be in vain or cause more pain than it's worth, I fully respect not doing it. I've been there, and tbh I usually don't. But white netizens, I expect boots on the ground. Racism festers when no one does anything about it.

So, it's finally happened! You've come face to face with antiblackness in your fandom space. You never thought it could be this bad! Naturally YOU don't condone this behavior, so you take steps to remove yourself from this person.

However! Your friends and other fans are still happily sharing from someone that you KNOW is capable of this. Would they still be comfortable knowing they're yapping amongst racists? And then you wonder- should I tell everyone about them? I mean, surely everyone should know?

Thus we've come to the decision:

The Callout

In my honest opinion, callouts are morally neutral. When used to reveal consistent harmful beliefs, intentions, and behaviors to other people, usually of marginalized identities, I think they're critical. Our safety and humanity matters far more than someone's internet fame. If I can't stop someone from being a racist, I at least don't want their vitriol on my dash, and I ALSO don't want people thinking I agree! Racism shouldn't be tolerated at all, but unfortunately, many an antiblack racist has a popular following and will not be removed. Anything less overt than a slur like the example above is more often than not, not a dealbreaker for many.

On the other hand, when it is maliciously weaponized to drag someone down on nothing but hearsay and rumor, it can be devastating. It has often been used as retaliation against those very same marginalized peoples to shut down discussions of racism and other forms of bigotry. In my opinion, you should not do these sorts of things when you don't have any solid proof or an actual education on what you're talking about. Period.

I say that all to say, be intentional. Use your discernment and some critical thinking.

How Ice Deals With It

Let's say you see something that concerns you. First, you need to pay attention to if other Black fans have noted this person's behavior. Has it been previously noticed, have they seen dogwhistles you've completely missed? Keep in mind as well, antiblackness does not have to come from a white person. Don't let "I'm brown" fool you.

If you're confident: confront the person on the particular issue you've noticed.

‼️‼️‼️ For the maintenance of your mental health, you CANNOT go into this expecting to change someone's mind and behavior. If you do, 9/10 you will face demoralization. You cannot walk into these thinking they care. Most people don't, and will deny the harm of their behavior. It sucks, but it's the truth. Change your perspective. The only goal you need to have is pointing out the harm done, so that this person loses the excuse to be racist out of "ignorance". Once you've spoken up, ball's now in their court.

Confrontation doesn't have to be negative! It can be as simple as "hey, what you said was not okay, here's why, and I hope that you can learn from this to do better for yourself and for your fans." Simple, to the point.

‼️Keep in mind, from Fans of Color: the private confrontation is a sign that we're trying to give you a chance to do right. Everyone's not going to receive that grace, nor do I expect every fan of color to offer it. It might just be up with you and your racism that day. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I would take the chance if offered.‼️

We're going to go two routes here.

1) It works

If it works, then what should come next is 1) a full acknowledgment of the violence and harm, 2) visible steps to ameliorate that harm, and 3) an apology to those harmed.

It doesn't have to be a complex apology (unless the situation itself was that large). But it has to be genuine and the change needs to be seen.

Very often you'll see apologies for antiblackness... To white fans. You cannot apologize for your actions to people who were not harmed by them, because they are not the ones with the right to accept the apology!!!! It's not a real apology. They've just covered for being exposed, is all. Be willing to hold each other accountable!

2) It doesn't work

This might still happen after the "it works", btw! Some people genuinely just want the appearance of progressiveness.

Here's where it gets gritty and you'll experience the most discomfort, I'm just being honest:

They might fucking suck!

They might suck, they might make it a point to share with their followers that you suck, and those same followers might also suck! You know how they sound? Like those people who fought for rapist Brock Turner because "he had a good future and this shouldn't ruin it". Yeah.

Recognize that this backlash you may experience from strangers is not coming just from their need to be entertained, but from a realization that if their fave is antiblack and they agree, then THEY are being antiblack too.

That acute pain you're feeling from this effort- you're now feeling a part of the chronic pain that is being a Black fan! And if you're white, you just temporarily sacrificed your whiteness to defend what was right, and now you are seeing a piece what that whiteness shields you from. Idk how else to put it.

Now what?

Well first, this shouldn't make you go "oh well there's no point in fighting racism bc they're so mean." Why do you want to identify with the people who just acted like that lmao. Antiracism is hard, but the right thing isn't always easy. Stand up and dust yourself off, soldier.

Take the steps to protect yourself. That might be a break from socials to decompress. Block people as necessary, use the tag blocker thing.

Recognize that you are not in the wrong for wanting this harm to be accounted for. If this person didn't want to be seen as a willful racist, they should have chosen to do better. They didn't want to, they chose to triple down on their racism, which they are now aware of doing! They just don't care. And that's not within your control. They wanna be a racist, let them be treated like one!

"Curate your space" as they say, and recognize that antiblackness is going to have you potentially removing folks you thought were cool left and right. You might see some people close to you show their true colors. It's time to make some tough personal decisions. I can't walk you through that. But I don't want to be around people who treat antiblackness with apathy, because birds of a feather... 👀

I obviously didn't cover every single scenario here. And this is only *my* way of dealing with these things (if I do at all, anymore). Some folks may go about it differently. But yeah, in summary, go in to point the racism out, and don't let the response determine your self value. 👍🏾

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

What remains of us, pt. 3

Summary: Teaching Y/N some new tricks while making his way to her heart keeps Wally busy...a little too busy to notice others might want his happiness to crumble and turn Y/N against him.

Warnings: death, angst, mentions of mental health issues, fluff, mentions of a SCHOOL SHOOTING, swearing

Word count: 3.9k

Part 1 Part 2

Y/N sits cross-legged on a desk in the abandoned classroom, arms folded, watching Wally as he lazily tosses a crumpled piece of paper into a trash can. Ever since the music room, they’ve settled into a comfortable coexistence that neither wants to end. While Y/N’s mind occasionally went into overdrive, giving her a thousand reasons to create some distance, her heart, although no longer beating, wasn’t keen on being away for long. After all, Wally kept the sense of dread in the pit of her stomach disappear. All it takes is a smile…a single smile and she’d relax. No one ever made her feel this safe, not even when she was alive.

 "So, tell me, Wally. Any perks to being a ghost? Or is it all doom, gloom, and dramatic monologues?"

Wally smirks, leaning against the desk beside her. "Oh, absolutely. You get to be stuck with me forever. Pretty sweet deal, huh?"

She scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Wow. Eternal torment. Exactly what I was hoping for when I died."

He catches the way her face warms despite her sarcasm, and his grin widens. "You’re blushing."

"I am not."

"Liar."

Y/N huffs, pushing off the desk. "Let’s see if I can walk through walls to escape this conversation."

"You won’t." He follows her out, chuckling. "You like talking to me too much."

Taking it as a challenge, she rushes through empty classrooms, trying to lose Wally who laughed at her antics. Pressing her lips in a thin line, she hides in the library, behind the shelves, watching Wally run straight through and into the next room.

Chuckling, she leans back on the shelves. He’ll probably spend the next hour trying to find her – he’s not very good at hide and seek. Letting out a heavy breath, she tries to calm her breathing. It’s funny how her lungs still fight for breath after running, even in death. A lot of things have surprised her – she still craves food and can actually taste it, she gets tired, she feels pain, but also happiness and every other emotion. The only difference is: her heart is silent. Oh, and she can’t sleep. That one she hates most of all. Dreams used to be a perfect escape, but now? She actually has to go through the things she wants to ignore.

“Do you mind?” A voice startles her and she jumps in fright.

“Uh…Xavier, am I right?”

He nods, pressing his thin lips in a thinner line. “Yeah. And you’re in the way.”

Y/N steps aside but doesn’t move too far, her curiosity piqued by Xavier’s cold demeanor. He reaches for the book behind her, fingers ghosting over the worn spine before pulling it free. His electric blue eyes flicker to her, unreadable.

“I’ve heard about you,” he says casually, flipping through the pages without looking down.

“Oh?” Y/N crosses her arms. She didn’t expect ghosts to gossip and openly admit it to her face. “What is it they say? Weird, funny, clumsy?”

Xavier smirks, but there’s no humor behind it. “Naïve.”

Her brow furrows. “Excuse me?”

“You trust him too much.” He tilts his head toward the door as if Wally might burst in at any moment. “He’s not telling you everything.”

The sense of dread returns in her stomach, but she forces herself to scoff. “Wally? He’s a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them.”

Xavier raises a dark brow. “You sure about that?”

Y/N narrows her eyes. “If you have something to say, say it.”

He tucks the book under his arm and steps closer, his presence strangely intense. “There were more of us,” he murmurs. “More ghosts than Wally let on.”

He didn’t let on anything…he never mentioned anything to her.

The room suddenly feels smaller. Y/N grips the edge of the shelf behind her, steadying herself. “You’re lying.”

He tilts his head, studying her reaction. “Am I?”

Before she can push further, the library doors creak open.

“Found you!”

Wally’s voice fills the space like sunlight breaking through a storm, and Y/N instinctively steps back from Xavier. Wally stands at the entrance, hands on his hips, breathless despite not needing air. His brown eyes flicker between her and Xavier, and something shifts in his expression.

Xavier merely smirks. “How predictable.”

Y/N glances between them. The air is thick with unspoken tension. Wally steps forward, placing himself subtly between her and Xavier. “Didn’t think you’d be the type to hide in a library, newbie.”

Y/N forces a smirk, ignoring the way her stomach twists. “I spent my whole life hiding in libraries. Should have known better.”

Wally chuckles, but his eyes don’t leave Xavier. “C’mon, I have something way more fun in mind.” He drapes an arm around Y/N’s shoulder, steering her toward the exit.

She lets him, but not without casting one last glance over her shoulder. Xavier is already flipping through the book again, seemingly unbothered.

As soon as they step into the hallway, Wally’s grip tightens just slightly. “What did he say to you?”

Y/N shrugs. “Not much. Just that you suck at hide and seek.”

Wally snorts, but she doesn’t miss the way his jaw tenses.

He throws on a grin, nudging her playfully. “Well, lucky for you, I’m much better at football.”

She raises a brow. “Is this your way of charming me?”

His grin doesn’t waver. “Is it working?”

She pretends to consider before sighing dramatically. “Fine, I’ll let you teach me. But I swear, if this is just an excuse to tackle me - ”

“Would I do that?” His eyes gleam with mischief, and she can’t help but laugh.

As they walk toward the field, though, the weight of Xavier’s words lingers in her mind. Wally is hiding something. And she’s going to find out what.

The football field is eerily quiet at night, the goalposts casting long, crooked shadows across the empty expanse. The sky is speckled with stars, but Y/N barely notices. Her focus is on Wally, who stands a few feet away, spinning a football between his hands like it’s second nature. The way he moves is effortless, like he was made for this, and for the first time, she wonders what it must have been like to watch him play when he was alive. No wonder he was so popular with the girls…she’d probably be secretly head over heels for him too.

She folds her arms, eyeing the ball warily. “Just so you know, I have terrible hand-eye coordination.”

“All the more reason to practice.” Wally grins, tossing the ball up and catching it with ease. “Come on, I’ll teach you.”

She exhales, rolling her shoulders before stepping forward. “Fine, but don’t expect a miracle.”

He passes her the ball, and she fumbles almost immediately, letting out a frustrated groan as it bounces off her fingers and onto the grass. Wally barks out a laugh, shaking his head.

“Wow.” He places a hand over his heart as if her lack of talent actually pains him. “That was… tragic.”

Y/N huffs, picking up the ball and tossing it back at him, badly. It veers off course, and he lunges to catch it before it hits the ground.

“Okay, okay, new plan,” Wally says, stepping closer. “You need to get a feel for the weight first.”

He moves behind her before she can protest, so close she can feel the ghost of his warmth, not that ghosts are supposed to be warm...But Wally is. His hands slide gently over her wrists, guiding her fingers around the ball. She swallows hard.

"Relax," he murmurs, his voice low, almost teasing. "You’re way too tense."

Easy for him to say. He’s not the one hyperaware of how close they are, how his chest nearly brushes against her back, how his breath tickles the side of her neck. Butterflies! Actual, fluttering, traitorous butterflies stir in her stomach.

"Okay," he continues, oblivious to the way her pulse would be racing if her heart still worked. "Hold it like this." His fingers brush hers, his grip steady as he adjusts her stance. "Now, when you throw, flick your wrist a little, just like that."

She follows his lead, but she barely registers the motion. All she can focus on is the way his voice dips when he speaks close to her ear, the way her skin tingles where he touches her. It’s ridiculous, really, she’s supposed to be dead. She shouldn’t be feeling like this.

Wally, seemingly unaware of her inner turmoil, steps back slightly, watching her attempt another throw. The ball leaves her hand smoother this time, though it still wobbles. He lets out an approving whistle.

"See? You’re getting there."

She turns her head to look at him, their faces suddenly inches apart. She hadn’t realized just how close he still was. Her nose nearly grazes his cheek, and she can see the gold flecks in his dark eyes under the field lights.

"Are we still talking about football?" she asks, her voice quieter than before.

For the first time, Wally hesitates. His smirk falters, just for a second, his eyes flickering down to her lips before he clears his throat and steps back, too fast, too obvious.

"Uh. Yeah. Totally," he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

Y/N nods slowly, letting the moment settle between them, the air thick with something unspoken. She tosses the ball up, catching it with a smirk of her own.

"Good," she says lightly, "because I was starting to think you were just looking for an excuse to hold my hand."

Wally groans, covering his face with his hands. "For someone who calls me a jock cliché, you seem to enjoy every bit of it."

Shrugging innocently, she heads to the bleachers. “Maybe I do.”

They both pretend not to notice the way their fingers still tingle, as Wally follows her. Taking a seat a few rows down from her, he glances up with uncertainty.

“You’re staring.”

Clearing her throat, she bites her lower lip and his cheeks darken at the sight and consequent thoughts immediately.

“Are you sure you’re not projecting?”

“Nope! You were definitely staring first. I think I might be winning you over”, he smirks victoriously. “No one can resist this charm!”

Wally stretches out on the bleachers, hands behind his head, while Y/N pulls her knees up, arms wrapped around them.

“I can’t believe I’m even entertaining this,” she mutters, shaking her head. “You’re eighteen.”

Wally turns to her, one brow arching. “I was eighteen.”

“Still are.”

“Physically.” He props himself up on an elbow, looking at her like she’s the one being unreasonable. “Mentally, I’ve attended high school like… five times since I died. Do you know how many books I’ve read? How many new things I’ve learned? I’m practically a walking encyclopedia.”

Y/N gives him a flat look. “You just called yourself a walking encyclopedia. That’s not really helping your case.”

Wally groans, flopping back dramatically. “Okay, fine. But seriously, I’m older than you if we’re counting ghost years. Which means technically, I'm the creepy one.”

She swats at him, nearly falling as she fails to reach him, which only makes him grin.

“That is not how that works.”

“Oh, but it does.” He sits up, suddenly animated, pointing at her like he’s won an argument. “You’re the one crushing on an older man, Y/N.”

Pulling herself down to one row above him, she purses her lips. “I am not crushing on you.”

“Yet.”

She shoves him, laughing despite herself. But in the quiet that follows, she wonders if maybe, just maybe, she already is.

The wind hums, slowly picking up speed. Y/N traces patterns in the dirty bleachers with her fingers. "I never really thought about love," she admits.

Wally rests his arms on his knees. "What do you mean?"

She shrugs. "I was always too busy. Making my parents proud, getting good grades, getting into a good school…College, residency, life. Then, well…" She gestures vaguely at their ghostly existence. “I’ve read so many romance books and watched an insane amount of romcoms, but I’ve never really experienced any of it. All the things I wanted, just…disappeared.”

Wally watches her carefully. "I never really thought about the future," he confesses. "I figured I’d always have more time. Turns out, I didn’t." Huffing, he frowns. “I never fell in love with anyone before, either. I got close once…I thought I’d have someone to share this with, but it didn’t work out.”

“This?” Was Xavier right? Did Wally lie to her?

“I mean life”, he blurts out. “I was pretty popular, had everything going for me. I mean, I like football and I was really good at it, but it’s not something I chose for myself. I played for my mom. She, uh, she really wanted me to go pro.”

Their eyes meet, something heavy passing between them. Y/N looks away first, cheeks turning a darker shade.

"Maybe we’ve got time now," Wally says softly.

She doesn’t answer. Wrapping her hand around his bicep, she leans her head on his shoulder.

Perhaps that says enough.

After a few days of teaching her to toss a football, Wally decided to give her a few ghostly lessons she could use in the spirit world…lessons he didn’t learn until a few years back.

The cafeteria is quiet in the early morning, the fluorescent lights buzzing faintly as the lunch lady moves around the kitchen, setting out trays for the day. Outside, the hallways are still empty, but soon, the school will come alive with students; living ones.

Y/N leans against the doorframe, watching Wally carefully.

“Alright,” he says. “Basic ghost physics lesson: We can touch things, yeah, but what you’re grabbing isn’t really the item. It’s like…a duplicate. A placeholder. The real thing resets as soon as you take it.”

Y/N frowns. “So what’s the point?”

“The point,” he says, “is learning how to actually move something. Not just its copy. The trick is to focus. You have to latch onto the real thing, feel the weight, the texture, the way it connects to the world. And then, you gotta make it stay in your hands.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Sounds exhausting.”

“Oh, it is,” he says with a smirk. “That’s why we’re gonna make it interesting.”

Her eyes narrow. “Go on.”

“First one to steal something without it resetting in the living world wins.”

Y/N snorts. “You’re on.”

They creep inside, the scent of fresh bread and coffee lingering in the air. The lunch lady hums to herself as she unpacks a crate of produce, oblivious to the two ghosts slipping past the counter.

Y/N eyes a bag of chips, reaching for it carefully. She reminds herself of what Wally said—feel the weight, the texture. Her fingers close around the bag, and for a moment, she swears she has it. But as soon as she pulls it away, a perfect replica flickers into her grip while the real bag remains untouched on the counter, as if she never moved it at all.

She curses under her breath.

Wally, a few feet away, is eyeing a bright red apple. He exhales slowly, his expression shifting into something serious, focused. His fingers tighten around the fruit, and for a long second, nothing happens. Then, ever so subtly, the apple shifts. The real one. He rolls the apple between his fingers like it’s the easiest thing in the world. It isn’t. She knows that much.

Y/N watches as he lifts it smoothly off the counter. The spot where it sat stays empty.

No regeneration. No reset.

Her jaw drops. “No way.”

Wally grins, triumphantly spinning the apple once more before gripping it solidly. “Way.” He winks at her, tossing the apple up and catching it effortlessly.

Y/N huffs. “Alright, let me try again.”

She refocuses, staring down the bag of chips like it’s personally offended her. She presses her fingers against it, feeling the crinkle of the plastic, the weight of the contents inside. She focuses on making this one, the real one, stay in her grip.

For a second, it works.

The bag lifts, no reset in sight.

Her heart…well, not her heart, but something inside her buzzes in excitement.

Then, without warning, the real bag flickers back into place, and she’s left holding its copy.

“Damn it!” she whisper shouts.

Wally chuckles. “Not bad for a first try. Here, watch.”

He moves toward the stack of trays by the counter, placing a hand on the top one. This time, Y/N studies him closely. She sees the way his brow furrows, the way his shoulders tense as if he’s physically exerting himself.

The tray lifts.

Barely, just an inch, but it lifts.

Then, just as suddenly, it wavers, slipping right back into place. A second later, the tray duplicates into his hands, proving he lost his grip on the real thing.

He groans. “Ugh. See? Even I can’t do it every time.”

Y/N tilts her head. “And yet, you got the apple?”

“Beginner’s luck,” he jokes. “Or maybe I’m just better than you.”

She flicks his ear. “Cheater.”

“Ow,” he grumbles, rubbing the spot. “It’s called strategy.”

“You and your strategies.”

“Hey, you’ll get there,” he says, tossing the apple once before taking a victorious bite. “But until then… I win.”

Y/N glares playfully but secretly, she’s itching to try again. And she will. Because if Wally can do it, then so can she.

“Okay, so…What do you want as your reward?”

Raising his eyebrows, Wally wets his lips. For a moment, his gaze flickers lower, to her supple, parted lips but he quickly averts his eyes to the bags of chips in her hands. “I’ll settle for some chips if you’re willing to share?”

Narrowing her eyes at him, she studies his nervous smile. “Sure. If that’s what you really want?”

Clearing his throat, he nods. “Y-yeah! I love chips!”

Once they devoured the chips, the crowded halls sent them into hiding. Being around the students wasn't enjoyable, for either of them. They waited for the sunset, agreeing to relax on the bleachers again.

Slinging an arm around her shoulders, Wally and Y/N head outside. As they pass by the library’s grand, dust-coated windows, a strange sensation prickles at the back of her neck. Like being watched. Her gaze flickers to the glass, and there he is.

Xavier.

His electric blue eyes are locked onto her, sharp and unreadable, framed by the dim glow of the emergency exit light. The sight of him standing so still, almost blending into the shadows, sends a cold shiver rippling down her spine. Her breath catches, a quiet gasp escaping before she can stop it.

Beside her, Wally tenses. “Are you okay?” Wally furrows his brows, pulling away ever so slightly. His voice is softer now, laced with concern. “I’m sorry I jus –“

“It’s not that”, she cuts him off quickly, shaking her head. Wally hesitates, watching her closely, but the moment she realizes he’s about to pull away entirely, she forces herself to speak.  “I didn’t mind your arm around me”, she clarifies. If anything his touch is warm, grounding. She doesn’t mind it…it feels nice, comforting.

His eyes brighten, relief chasing away the panic. “Yeah?” A smirk tugs at the corner of his lips, tentative, as if he worries showing too much happiness would scare her away.

“What was it then?” he asks, and she can feel his eyes on her, searching for an answer beyond what she’s willing to give.

Shrugging, she averts her gaze. “I’m just a little cold, I guess.”

Lie.

Wally might not know everything about her yet, but he knows her. And he knows when she’s holding something back.

Taking off his jacket, he drapes it over her. “Here you go”, he murmurs.

Her breath hitches as he cups her cheek, the pad of his thumb brushing lightly against her skin. His touch is careful, as if he’s afraid she might pull away. She doesn’t. “Are you sure there’s nothing else you want to tell me?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper.

She leans into his touch without thinking, the warmth of his palm spreading through her like the first rays of morning sunlight. For a moment, it’s easy to forget the eerie gaze lingering behind glass, easy to forget the weight of all the things she doesn’t say.

Her lips curl into a small smile. “You worry too much,” she tells him and he’s not entirely sure if he should just drop this or not, but if she’s not willing to talk to him about it, there’s not much he can do.

“When you’re involved, I’d rather worry too much than not worry enough,” Wally admits.

The sincerity in his voice makes her chest tighten. Here he is, the sweetest man she’s ever met and she’s doubting him. She could just ask him about it, but what if he lies to her face? She’d never be able to relax around him again. She’d lose him and she can’t lose him…he’s all she has.

“Thank you. For caring…and for the jacket.”

“You wear it better than I do.”

Y/N raises a brow. “Flattery will get you nowhere.”

“I doubt that,” he says, leaning in with a teasing glint in his eyes. She scoffs, making him laugh. Whenever he flirts, Y/N scoffs in response yet she never leaves his side. Scoffing might be her love language and if his theory is true, Wally will gladly spend the rest of eternity listening to her scoff at his cheesy pick-up lines.

Relishing in the light pink tint upon her cheeks, Wally offers her his hand. “Would you like to dance with me?”

Squinting at his question, she inhales sharply. “Dance…to what?”

“We don’t need music to dance,” he smirks. “Live a little.”

“I’m literally dead,” she reminds him. ��As are you.”

“And yet we’re here.”

She hesitates, then places her hand in his. He pulls her close, guiding her in slow circles. Their bodies brush, lingering a little too long.

"You’re not bad at this," she murmurs.

He smirks. "Don’t sound so surprised."

She rolls her eyes, but her heart isn’t in it. Not when his thumb traces small circles on the back of her hand.

“You always roll your eyes at me,” he states. “Why is that?”

“How honest do you want me to be?”

“Brutally,” he replies instantly.

Drawing in a deep breath, she can’t help the smile spreading across her lips. “You make me nervous.”

“Oh.”

“In a good way”, she admits. “In a way I’m not sure I’m ready to accept yet.”

Grinning, Wally nods. “Okay. I can work with that.”

Rolling her eyes – another part of her love language. Wally won’t forget that anytime soon.

Erasing the distance between their bodies, she leans her head on his chest, her arms wrapping around him. She closes her eyes, inhaling deeply – committing his scent to memory. He smells like laundry detergent and freshly mowed grass…clean and fresh.

Pressing a soft kiss on top of her head, Wally couldn’t suppress his smile even if he tried. He’s happy. For the first time in a long time, he’s truly happy. Humming a soft tune, he continues swaying their bodies in this slow dance, cherishing every moment they spend close for you never know when everything might change.

He learned that lesson the hard way.

PART 4

[zyhkoo]

🦢 flaws and all

fluff, f!civilian, suggestive in second part, 1 + 2

( spending your days with him. )

Jason had just finished up patrol, he had been satisfied with his work but when he was about to head back the rain began to pour. Jason stood in the dim alleyway, the rain pouring down around him. He let out a frustrated sigh, knowing that he was in for a long, wet walk back to your apartment.

He cursed under his breath, his gaze flickering over the rooftops that seemed more slippery than usual with the rain.

Jason stood by the window your, the soaked bottoms of his boots leaving a damp trail on the floor as he shut the window behind him. Shaking off the excess water from his clothing, he took a moment to catch his breath.

Once the initial wave of cold and shivers had passed, he sighed and scanned the apartment for any possible damage. He noticed the drops of water that had leaked onto the floor, so he grabbed the mop that was leaning on a corner and began mopping the wet spots.

Jason walked toward your bedroom as quietly as possible, trying not to wake you up. Once inside, he closed the door behind him and began to strip off his damp and now heavy clothes, letting them drop to the floor with a soft thud.

He reached into the bottom drawer of your dresser, where he had stashed a change of clothes for nights like this. He rummaged through and found some comfortable sweats and a t-shirt, quickly putting them on.

Jason heard the loud thunder rumble outside, the sound cutting through the silence of the night. He winced, his heightened senses making the sound even more pronounced in his ears.

He paused for a moment, his eyes drifting towards the window. The rain continued to pour, the raindrops tapping against the glass in an almost rhythmic pattern.

He could hear shifting in the sheets, Jason turned his attention back into the room, his eyes locking onto the bed. He hadn't expected you to be awake, "You awake?" he asked.

“Yeah.” you softly answered, pulling the sheets closer. Jason felt a pang of guilt as you spoke, realizing that he must have disturbed your sleep. He stepped closer to the bed, his feet not making a sound on the floorboards.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, "I didn't mean to wake you." you shook your head, “It’s not you.” you replied.

Jason frowned, not quite believing your words.

"Then what is it?" he asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to you. The mattress dipped slightly under his weight, but he tried not to disturb you. Jason was silent for a moment, listening to the sound of the thunder outside. Then it clicked in his mind. He knew that you had some issues with storms, and he was mentally berating himself for not thinking of it sooner

He sighed, his hand hesitantly reaching for your shoulder under the covers. He moved closer to you, his touch gentle as he squeezed your shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"It's just a storm," he murmured, his voice low and steady. "It'll pass soon."

“I know..” you said, Jason was aware that you knew that the storm would pass. He knew you were probably just trying to convince yourself of that. But he also knew that it didn't make it any less frightening. He hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "You want company?" he asked.

Jason felt a small sense of relief when you nodded, with a small sigh, he moved to the other side of the bed and slowly laid down next to you. As Jason settled onto the bed, he turned his gaze onto you. Your body was concealed under the blankets, revealing only your face and a portion of your hair.

Your eyes met his, and his attention was drawn to the pillow you were clutching. He remained silent for a moment, then spoke in a soft yet steady voice.

"Come here," he murmured, his hand motioning for you to move closer to him. Jason patted the spot on the mattress next to him, silently inviting you to move closer. He knew that sometimes, being held could help provide a sense of comfort and security during a storm.

Jason felt your arm wrap around his waist, pulling yourself against his body. He let out a soft exhale, welcoming your touch. He moved his own arm to drape around your shoulders, gently pulling you closer as he tried to provide some comfort through his presence.

You sighed against him as you laid your head on his chest, “Thanks Jay.” you murmured. A storm with him around made it more tolerable. He could feel your breath, against his skin. He swallowed, his throat feeling unusually dry as he responded, "Mhm."

Your word of thanks resonated with him. He knew you found comfort in his presence, and it made him feel relieved. He tightened his hold on you slightly, his fingers unconsciously tracing patterns on your back as he spoke in a hushed tone.

"You don't need to thank me," he muttered, "Just... let me do this for you." he paused for a moment, his voice soft yet firm as he continued, "Just let me be here for you, okay?" you nodded, “Okay.” you whispered back.

He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head, his lips lingering for a few seconds longer than necessary. He found it ironic, really, how the most dangerous and feared vigilante in Gotham could be reduced to a soft person in the presence of one person.

“You make me feel stuff.” he said. Jason's gaze met yours as you looked up at him. “Is it bad?” you asked. "No, it's not bad." He reached up to gently cup your face, his calloused fingers caressing your skin. "It's just... new." he admitted, his voice a deep and gruff whisper.

"I've never... felt like this before." he continued, his fingers tracing your jawline. "With anyone." He paused for a moment, his eyes searching yours as if trying to convey the depth of what he was feeling. You softly scoffed, “It can’t be just me, there must be someone else.” you replied.

Jason let out a low huff, shaking his head slightly. "Trust me." he said, his fingers still gently tracing your skin. "There's nobody else." He paused again, his gaze not wavering from yours. "It's just you, and the things you do to me." You looked down, doubting him “Are you sure it’s me?” you asked.

Jason frowned at your question, his grip on your face firm but gentle.

"What makes you say that?" he asked, as he tilted your head up, wanting you to look at him. “Just..” your eyes darted away, “I’m usually just second choice you know?”

He shook his head, his grip on your face tightening just a fraction. "No." he said firmly, his voice low and fierce. "Not with me."

He paused for a moment before continuing, his tone softening but still firm. "You are not a second choice. Not to me." you flushed as your eyes softened, “You really mean it don’t you?” Jason leaned in, his face just a few inches away from yours. He held your gaze, his eyes boring into yours.

"Yes." he said firmly, no trace of doubt or hesitation in his voice. "I mean it. You are not second choice. You are the only choice." He let go of your face, but instead of pulling away, his hand moved down to take yours under the covers, his fingers intertwined with yours.

Your hands shook a bit as you felt a lump in your throat, “I..” Jason noticed the slight tremble in your hand and the way your voice cracked. He could see the emotion in your eyes and wanted nothing more than to reassure you.

He brought your intertwined hands up, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of your hand before lowering them again. "You don't have to say anything." he murmured. He shifted his body slightly, pulling you closer to his chest as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders. With his free hand, he reached down and pulled the covers back up to your shoulders, cocooning the two of you in warmth and comfort.

The storm continued to rage outside, the rain still beating mercilessly against the roof and windows. But trapped in Jason's embrace, wrapped in the coziness of the covers, you felt a newfound sense of safety and reassurance.

“I love you.” you murmured. Jason felt his heart skip a beat as the words left your lips. He held you a bit tighter in response, his arms wrapping around you like a protective shield. His gruff voice was softer than usual as he murmured, "I love you too."

Jason slowly stirred awake, his eyes blinking open as he felt the warmth of your bare back against his chest. He let out a low sigh, still half-asleep but slowly becoming aware of his surroundings.

He felt your legs intertwined with his and the familiar scent of your skin filling his senses. The morning light streamed in through the window, casting a soft glow into the room. Still drowsy, he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you a little closer to him and nuzzling his face into your neck.

The feeling of your soft skin against his chest was comforting, and the warmth of your body against his brought a sense of peace. Jason let out a low, contented sigh as he gently nuzzled your neck again, his lips brushing against your skin in a light, affectionate kiss.

You hummed, “I’m awake you know.” you murmured with a little chuckle

Jason felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him as he heard you speak. He pulled his face away from your neck, slightly flustered at being caught. He mumbled into your ear, "Thought you were sleepin'."

Jason shifted slightly behind you, pressing his body a bit closer. He pressed a soft kiss to your shoulder before mumbling again, his voice slightly muffled against your skin, "Why you up so early?"

“The light woke me up.” you yawned, scratching your eye. Jason hummed in understanding, his cheek resting against your shoulder as he held you close. "Guess the sun had to ruin it." he grumbled, his arm giving your waist a gentle squeeze.

You then faced him, “Last night was nice.” Jason met your gaze as you turned to face him. He nodded, "Yeah. Yeah, it was." he replied, his fingers gently tracing patterns on your hip.

Jason's eyes searched yours for a moment before he leaned in and gave you a slow, lingering kiss. The touch was soft and affectionate, his lips moving against yours with a gentle pressure.

He pulled away after a few moments, his gaze remaining on your face as he studied your expression. His thumb traced small circles on the bare skin of your waist, the gesture comforting and subtle.

You chuckled, “You’ve gotten sappy.” Jason rolled his eyes, a hint of embarrassment showing on his face. "Whatever." he muttered. Jason was still not used to waking up next to someone else, the warmth of your body and the softness of your skin a new and slightly unfamiliar sensation.

Your eyes trail to the numerous scars from his body, all from his past battles and patrols. You knew that he was self-conscious every time you looked at them. Jason tensed ever so slightly as he noticed your gaze on his scars. Despite his tough exterior and stoic demeanor, he was still self-conscious of his body and the scars that marked his skin.

He shifted slightly, a subtle movement intended to distract you from the imperfections on his body. Jason's eyes searched your face, trying to gauge your reaction. He knew you had seen the scars on his body, and he had no doubt you'd seen his visible discomfort with them. But he also knew you never asked about them, never pressed for explanations of how he got them.

Jason felt your touch on the small scar on his shoulder, your fingers tracing it gently. He let out a soft sigh, his eyes fixed on yours as he allowed you to caress the mark.

His body relaxed, though he still felt a bit uneasy with the attention on his scars. Your hand continued to explore his scars, there were long and small ones, some stitched and some burnt, Though you never flinched or reacted in disgust.

You then looked back at his face, searching for his eyes “Are you okay?” you asked, in case he Jason met your gaze, his features softened by the concern in your eyes. He took a moment before answering, his voice low and gruff.

"I'm fine." he said, his arm around your waist tightening its grip ever so slightly, as if reassuring himself of your presence.

He swallowed and shifted a bit, his eyes flickering down to your hand, still tracing his scars. was uncomfortable. “Should I stop?” you continued to ask. Jason sighed, his gaze darting between your face and your hand tracing his scars. A part of him didn't want you to stop, your touch was comforting and reassuring, but another part feared the memories that could be stirred by it.

"Do what you want," he murmured, “Well I want what you want.” you replied. He swallowed, his throat feeling dry as he struggled to find the right words.

"I want your touch." he admitted, his voice husky. "But sometimes it brings back bad memories." Your hand moved away, “So should I stop?” Jason felt a pang of disappointment as your hand moved away from his scars, the absence of your touch leaving a cold, empty feeling on his chest.

He shook his head slightly, his eyes meeting yours again.

"No." he said gruffly. "I don't want you to stop." He paused before continuing, "Just don't... don't pity me." You shook your head, “I won’t.” your hand then trails to the scars on his chest.

As you saw a particularly large one, you moved down and placed a kiss. He swallowed, his chest rising and falling slowly as he felt the weight of your gesture, the way you accepted and accepted his scars without a second thought.

His hand moved to your hair, gently brushing through the soft strands, a silent thank you for your understanding. “Let’s dress up and eat breakfast.” you murmured in his chest.

Jason chuckled softly, a hint of relief in his voice. He knew you were changing the subject on purpose, giving him a chance to compose himself. "Yeah, sounds good." he agreed, his hand gently rubbing your back before pulling away from your embrace.

He started to sit up, grabbing the discarded clothes from the night before.

You sat on the floor, surrounded by your record collection, scanning through the albums with a growing sense of boredom. You had listened to all of them repeatedly, and the thought of playing them again was no longer appealing.

You let out a heavy sigh, feeling the weight of the boredom settling over you. Just as your eyes lingered on a record you had played a dozen times, the sound of a deep throat being cleared, made your head turn towards Jason.

He watched you for a moment, his eyes trailing over the record collection spread out around you. "You're gonna pick one already? It’s been a while." he asked, his eyebrow raised slightly.

You huffed to yourself as you placed a hand on your cheek, “I’m pretty bored of these, they’re good but I’m tired of listening to it repeatedly.” Jason’s expression softened slightly, seeing the boredom etched on your face. He walked over, standing over you as you sat on the floor.

He looked at the spread of records, then back at you.

"Didn’t know you could even get tired of music," he said with a hint of a smirk. You smiled up at him, “Well, it happens to me too.”

You sighed, shaking your head “More than 30 bucks for a vinyl? I don’t have the money for that..” you frowned as you picked up your records. Jason knew you loved physical media, but you were right. New records were expensive, especially ones you liked.

Jason studied the records you were holding, taking in the names and artists. He paused for a moment, thinking before speaking again. "I’ll get you albums.” You only scoffed in reply, “Where do you even get your money?”

Jason raised an eyebrow at your scoff, a playful smirk forming on his face. "Where do you think I get it?" he asked, his voice tinted with a hint of amusement.

You darted your eyes away pondering, if he was a vigilante… does he get his money from the government? “GCPD…?” you answered cautiously.

"GCPD?" he repeated, snorting. "You think I get money from the *GCPD?"* You looked away embarrassingly as you stocked your records on the shelves. Jason’s smirk widened at your embarrassed expression, enjoying the way you avoided his gaze.

He leaned against the shelf, his arms crossed as he watched you organize the records. "C’mon," he teased, his voice filled with playful mockery. "Guess again." You huffed, “I don’t know, tell me.” Jason pushed himself off the shelf, standing upright as he spoke.

"I spend Bruce’s bank account, or I steal a few stuff from thieves I caught.” Jason gave a shrug, as if the thought of swiping money from a billionaire was the most normal thing in the world.

You raised your brow, “Money from Bruce?”

"Yeah, Bruce has a lot more money than one person could spend in a lifetime. He won’t even notice if I grab a few bucks."

You thought for a moment, “Well, I mean.. that is true.” Jason nodded in agreement, his smirk returning slightly.

"See? It’s a no-brainer. Why not use it when it’s there for the taking?" his hand touches your shoulder “Come on, why don’t I buy those record albums for you tomorrow?” You raised an eyebrow in surprise. Jason was actually offering to buy you records, and you had to admit, the idea did sound appealing.

"Really? You would do that?" you asked, your curiosity piqued. Jason shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Why not? They make you happy, don’t they?” You felt a warmth spread through you at his words. The idea that Jason was willing to spend money on something that simply brought you joy was oddly comforting.

You nodded, a small smile on your lips. "They do, yeah.” Jason saw the smile on your face, and his expression softened. He gave your shoulder a slight squeeze with his hand, his grip gentle. “Then I’ll take you record shopping tomorrow."

When Jason took you to the record store, you looked like a kid getting its gift for Christmas. He was amused by the look of excitement on your face as you scanned the records, your eyes scanning each album with childlike wonder.

He followed you around, watching as you picked up records of your favorite artists, and sometimes stopping to show him one that particularly caught your interest.

He couldn't help but smile at your enthusiasm. You looked like a kid at Christmas, and the way you handled each album with such care and reverence was almost endearing.

After that, you and Jason finally made it back to your apartment, clutching several bags filled with your newly purchased records. You wasted no time in setting them down on the coffee table in the living room, eager to go through each one and see which one you wanted to listen to first.

“This is what I call mid-year christmas.” you mused with a smile. Jason scoffs, "Mid-year Christmas, huh?" he said. "I guess that’s one way to put it." Jason rested his hand on his chin, watching as you flipped through your new albums, a small smile on his lips.

For a brief moment, he could forget about the world around them, the troubles and dangers that loomed in the background. For a little while, he could simply enjoy the sight of you being happy, with the music you so adored.

You stood up and carefully placed one of the vinyl records onto the turntable, the soft click as it settled into place filling the air. Jason leaned back on the couch, his eyes still fixed on you, as you gently lifted the needle and placed it on the record, starting the music.

Jason stood up alongside you, his hand reaching out to take yours.

He looked down at your face for a moment before pulling you closer, his other hand finding your waist. He began to move with the rhythm of the music, slowly dancing with you in the living room. The room felt warm and intimate as you swayed to the music in Jason’s arms. He held you close, his hand resting on your waist as he led you in a slow, gentle dance.

The music played on in the background, the notes and lyrics filling the silence between you as you moved in each other’s embrace. “Did you agree to buy me records just to dance?” you chuckled.

“Maybe. You’re not complaining, are you?” he replied as he held your hand tighter, “But no.” he said. You tilted your head in response as Jason leaned closer to you, "Maybe I just like seeing you happy," he admitted.

You could feel the warmth of his breath on your skin as he spoke, his words making you feel tingly all over. You hadn't expected such a sincere answer from him, and it filled you with a sense of warmth.

"That's sweet." you murmured, a smile playing across your lips. "Just a little." he grumbled, his eyes locked on your face. “Sure.” you said, leaning your cheek on his chest.

He tightened his grip on your waist, pulling you just a little closer as he continued to dance with you.

🐇 Merry Christmas!

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

Hey! Look! A great breakdown of that thing I'm always talking about being a big yet entirely-overlooked deal by 90% of medical professionals in regards to this particular virus!

SARS-CoV-2, the virus behind COVID-19, is not done with us. Over the past four years, it has shown a remarkable ability to adapt, with each new variant outmaneuvering our immune systems in unique ways. The recently published study on the XEC variant (November 22, 2024) provides fresh insights into how this virus is evolving. (1) Combining this with the broader history of immune evasion, we see a troubling pattern: the virus continues to find ways to evade the immune system and in many cases, persist, potentially leaving lasting impacts on our health even for those who experience only mild or asymptomatic infections.

What the Study Found: XEC’s Immune Escape Arsenal The latest study revealed that the XEC variant—an offspring of two previous variants, KS.1.1 and KP.3.3—has developed mechanisms that make it harder for our immune systems to neutralize it. Here’s how it works:

1. Glycosylation Mutations in the N-terminal Domain (NTD):

The XEC variant introduces new glycosylation sites, such as the T22N mutation, which act like a cloak, hiding key parts of the virus from antibodies.

These sugar molecules shield the receptor-binding domain (RBD), a crucial target for vaccines and natural immunity, making it harder for antibodies to bind and neutralize the virus.

2. Allosteric Effects:

Mutations in the NTD don’t just shield the virus—they also alter the behavior of the RBD through a process called allostery. These changes can make the RBD less accessible or alter how it interacts with human cells, further reducing the effectiveness of antibodies.

3. Potential Impact on Membrane Fusion:

The study hints that these mutations may also enhance how efficiently the virus fuses with human cells, potentially increasing its infectivity.

Immune Evasion: A Constant Tug-of-War The ability of SARS-CoV-2 to adapt is not new. Looking back at the history of immune evasion, we see a pattern:

The Early Days: Mutations like D614G made the virus more infectious.

Alpha and Beta Variants: N501Y and E484K mutations increased binding to human cells and evasion of neutralizing antibodies.

Omicron Era: A flurry of spike protein mutations allowed the virus to reinfect people with previous immunity and bypass vaccine-induced protection.

XEC is the next chapter in this story, combining these strategies with new tricks like glycosylation and allosteric modulation to stay ahead of human defenses.

Why This Matters: Beyond Infections Understanding immune evasion isn’t just about tracking infections—it’s about long-term health impacts. Here’s why this evolution is particularly concerning:

1. The Shadow of Long COVID:

Millions of people suffer from Long COVID, characterized by fatigue, brain fog, heart palpitations, and muscle pain. The virus’s ability to persist and evade the immune system might explain why symptoms linger for months or years in some individuals.

Chronic immune activation or hidden reservoirs of the virus could drive these long-term effects.

2. Asymptomatic but Chronic Damage:

Even in people without noticeable symptoms, SARS-CoV-2 has been shown to cause subtle, potentially long-term damage to:

Vascular systems: Leading to inflammation and microclot formation.

Neurological function: Disrupting brain activity and potentially accelerating neurodegenerative conditions. Early onset dementia

Musculoskeletal health: Causing unexplained weakness or pain.

Cognitive performance: Contributing to memory issues and reduced mental clarity. Are you or someone you know having more trouble finding words to use or losing things more often?

3. Vaccines Alone Aren’t Enough:

While vaccines remain essential, their effectiveness is limited by the virus’s rapid evolution. Variants like XEC show how SARS-CoV-2 can sidestep even the most advanced immune defenses, highlighting the need for next-generation vaccines targeting broader parts of the virus. We have know this for a long time now so where are the broader targeting vaccines?

The Future of SARS-CoV-2 Evolution The virus has already demonstrated its ability to adapt to our immune responses in multiple ways, and there’s no reason to believe it will stop. Here are some possibilities for future adaptation:

Further Refinement of Glycosylation: Adding or modifying sugar molecules could make the virus even more difficult to detect.

Enhanced Membrane Fusion: Mutations that improve how the virus merges with human cells could increase its infectivity.

Host Adaptation: Over time, the virus could become better at hiding within human cells, evading both natural immunity and therapeutic interventions.

Increased Chronicity: The virus might evolve to persist at low levels in the body, leading to ongoing inflammation and long-term health consequences.

What We Can Do: Adapting to the Virus’s Adaptations The XEC variant and others like it remind us that SARS-CoV-2 is still a formidable opponent. Here’s what we can do:

1. Invest in Better Vaccines:

Universal or pan-coronavirus vaccines that target conserved regions of the virus are critical.

2. Improve Diagnostics:

Detecting chronic or asymptomatic infections early could help mitigate long-term health effects.

3. Focus on Treatment:

Antiviral drugs that target different parts of the virus, combined with treatments for inflammation and immune dysregulation, could help reduce the impact of Long COVID.

4. Stay Vigilant:

For individuals, maintaining basic preventive measures during high transmission periods can significantly reduce risks.

Conclusion: Learning from the Virus SARS-CoV-2 is teaching us a harsh lesson about evolution. Its ability to adapt and evade our defenses, from antibodies to T-cells, shows no sign of slowing down. Variants like XEC underscore the importance of continued research, innovation, and public health vigilance. By understanding the virus’s strategies and preparing for its next moves, we can better protect ourselves—not just from acute infections but from the long-term consequences.

Reference:

Enhanced immune evasion of SARS-CoV-2 variants KP.3.1.1 and XEC through N-terminal domain mutations (November 22, 2024)

www.thelancet.com/journals/laninf/article/PIIS1473-3099%2824%2900738-2/fulltext

[soaringwide]

Pick a Card: How to attract love in your life? ❤️

Pile 1 > Pile 2 > Pile 3

Hey :p Welcome back to a new pick a pile love reading.

Today we're going to have a look at How can you attract love into your life. I'm going to look at where you're currently at, the things that work and the things that don't, practical steps you can take, and finally, the most probable outcome for the near future.*

*keep in mind that it's very hard with tarot to give a precise timeframe, which is why i say ''near future'', which might mean different things for different people. Also, the future is highly volatile and this might only be accurate for your present situation, and may be prone to shift if you make significant changes. As always, you are in control of your life so don't let a reading dictate what you should and should not do.

This is a general reading meant for multiple people so it might not resonates perfectly to your situation. Take what resonates and leave out the rest.

Ko-fi ★ book a reading ★ pinned post ★ instagram

PILE 1

Cards: 5 of Pentacles, the Sun, 5 of Cups, 9 of Cups, Strength, King of Cups, Ace of Cups, Page of Swords Reversed, the High Priestess, Ace of Swords, 8 of Cups, King of Pentacles, the Star, 5 of Wands, 4 of Cups, the Devil

You are currently trapped into a mindset of lack and feeling like you don't belong. You feel like there's something broken with you that stops you from getting the love that you long for. You believe that the warmth of love is being denied from you by outside circumstances and that you are unable to change that. Not the best place to be mentally and I highly empathize, I know how it feels…

What is blocking you is that you are spending a lot of mental and emotional energy feeling devastated for what you don't have. You may have known love in the past and you're idealizing that and feeling regrets over what you've lost. For some of you it might literally be because you wish you had this love back, but for others it could just be wishing for that sweet feeling again. It's also possible that, regardless of a past relationship or not, you are longing for a time in your past where things seemed more carefree and that you now feel somewhat broken. Feeling like things were so much more radiant and optimistic back then. I'm also getting that love might feel like the last thing in your life you need to feel fully accomplished and you're hyper focusing on that one thing, not seeing all the other good things going for you. There is this idea that you're waiting and waiting for the perfect occasion to show up while carrying these heavy feelings.

However, things are not fully bleak for you. You are extremely resilient and have spent a lot of time perfecting yourself. Despite your feelings of romantic lack, you keep working on yourself, be it your career, your passions and projects, or your own self. You keep things moving thinking that if love doesn't come, then at least you can make other areas of your life good. You're also able to set aside these heavy feelings in order to remain balanced. Like, you feel them, you're aware of them, but you don't let that submerge you and you keep living anyway. So you have what it takes to fix the issue, you just need to see it and start working on it.

Because the advice is that you need to release your defensiveness regarding love. I'm getting that you've learnt to be so firmly attached to this lack mentality and the failures you've experienced that it's making you shut down any possibility of romance. I'm seeing a pattern of starting to catch feelings and automatically cutting them off, distrusting them and retreating within yourself. I think this is a defense mechanism, which served its purpose for a long time but is now counterproductive. You may lack honesty with yourself and with potential partners because you fear showing your feelings, scared of getting hurt.

So it's natural that for what you need to embrace, a card of clarity and communication shows up. If you always hide how you feel to your love interest, most healthy people will not pursue you and instead back off not to bother you, since they think you are not interested. You must communicate how you feel and investigate the other person's wishes and feelings. There is also the need to be in tune with your own intuition and inner guidance, which seems to be muddied by your fears and unhealthy coping mechanisms. You must embrace tuning into yourself, where you will find the answer on what to do, because I really think you've go a strong personal guidance and you know who and what is good for you, and you can lean into and learn to trust that.

And it seems the practical steps you need to take at this present moment point at solving these issues first and foremost. You have unfinished emotional business that you need to leave behind. It's like it's cluttering your emotional life and there is no space for anything romantic to bloom. You need to make room for love in your heart by releasing these painful points we talked about earlier. The way to do that with the Star (feeling called to name the card so that you can look into it if you wish) is to embrace hope that things can indeed change for the better. Have faith that you can renew yourself and step into a new way of living. This card always reminds me of making a wish and believing it's going to come true, so have faith!

The near future cards point at you working on that. Breaking the chains that hold you down. It's a process that may look a little chaotic, and you'll go back and forth between not doing anything and pondering on what steps to take next, being indecisive, and then hastily trying out things in hope something is going to fit. I see that it's a learning process and you're going to need to find the right way to act. You are about to break those destructive patterns and make room for love to come into your life. I do not know when this is going to happen, but the work you'll be doing will make you happier and more balance so it's worth working toward for the sake of it. And all point at the fact that it's the best thing to do in your situation in order to attract love into your life.

PILE 2

Cards: 6 of Swords, 7 of Swords, King of Cups, the Lovers, the Magician, Knight of Swords, the Fool, 10 of Pentacles, King of Swords, King of Pentacles, Queen of Cups, the Hanged Man, Knight of Wands, the Sun, King of Wands, 5 of Pentacles, Knight of Pentacles, Temperance

It seems you're currently in a post breakup phase, leaving something behind and wondering what's coming next. (if that's not the case, then that's not the pile for you). There is a sense of sadness and worry, but also hope for the future even though it is very uncertain. I'm getting that it's something quite fresh which will explain the current situation.

For what is blocking you, it seems you've been rendered very distrustful of love, and may even have been either cheated on, or betrayed in some way by the person you love(d). You have a hard time processing these emotions and it's stopping you from truly moving on. It's like you became disillusioned and don't trust romance anymore. You may feel angry and revengeful, bitter, in all cases, and it's coloring your view of love. Part of you is still looking over your shoulder at what once was, whether it's with regret and nostalgia or on the contrary with bitterness.

For what is going for you, it seems that despite that you desire a new beginning, a fresh start of some kind. You want to make a new relationship happen, one that will satisfy you in all aspects and that will be in alignment with yourself. I'm also getting that you're tired of being taken for an fool, fed up with giving your heart freely to someone who will stomp on it. I also see that you're determined to approach that with very upfront communication, seeking to be clear on your needs and boundaries, and that you are done with tolerating bullshit. It's also sort of like you want to get out of your current painful situation as fast as possible by finding something new, which does show up as a good thing however I'm getting the need for nuance here as you could be rushing too much as a way to run away from your feelings or perhaps get back at your ex by showing you don't need them.

You need to release this past relationship. It shows up as something that seemed like it was heading towards long term commitment, which makes it all the more painful. However, if things turned out the way they did that's because it wasn't built on solid foundations, and may not have been a good thing for you had it not blown off anyway. I'm also getting that this past-person probably embodied pretty authoritative traits, in a pretty tyrannical way, and it's leaving you, again, distrustful of future connections (or even of the whole gender of your ex partner). I think it somewhat robbed you of your own agency, made you feel weak and powerless, and there is a need to reclaim that power (you got ALL 4 Kings).

Which is shown in the next section with what you need to embrace. The cards point at the need to pick yourself back up and work on yourself, your abundance and security, which may mean focusing on other areas of your life for a while as a way to look in a different direction. Your heart also requires some attention and it would be beneficial to practice some self care, whether that means taking care of yourself from an aesthetical point of view (beauty, fashion, etc) or from a more holistic point of view (diet, exercise, meditation, etc). Make yourself beautiful for yourself and it may help you lift yourself up and feel better about yourself. This will allow you to shift your perspective, however, it will require some time and you will need to dive into it and think about the issue. You must understand that there is nothing more you can do to fix this past situation, and that it's okay to take time to think and embrace that moment of stagnancy that will help you give yourself space to heal and move on.

The idea of finding your power and sense of agency back is again shown in the cards that talk about the practical steps you should take. I'm getting that in order to do that, you need to focus on what makes you passionate about life, what lights your fire up and makes you want to pour your energy in. There is also the need to chill a bit and do things that seem fun and unimportant. Get silly a little bit, go out and enjoy the sweetness of life. Not everything is about romantic love and not only is it okay to do other things, it's also something you deeply need at this present moment to feel better. In all cases, push yourself to create some movement in your life and don't stay locked in alone, wallowing over yourself. I'm also getting the need to focus on things that are pleasurable, for your body and yourself.

For the near future when it comes to romantic love, I unfortunately think that for some time at least, you may still be alone and struggling with that fact, thinking you've been left with nothing and having a hard time processing your loss. You may want to take some steps towards new connections, but doing so very slowly and holding back a lot, so there won't be much progress on that side for a while. The focus will be mostly on healing yourself and focusing on rebalancing your heart. Trying to find hope and faith in love again. This whole process takes time but is very important in order to help you find healthy love again.

PILE 3

Cards: 9 of Cups, Queen of Swords, 7 of Pentacles, 6 of Cups, Ace of Wands, the Chariot, 4 of Swords, 4 of Pentacles, Page of Swords, 10 of Pentacles, the High Priestess, 7 of Cups, the Emperor, 6 of Wands, Justice, Ace of Pentacles, 8 of Pentacles, the Sun

You're currently in a phase where you feel ready for love. You've established a lot of things for yourself and you're in a satisfying place in life. Not perfect, nothing ever is, but you've grown a lot recently that's for sure. And when it comes to love, that's your wish and you're currently strongly waiting for the time to finally come to see that wish come true. It's the one thing that you desire the most at the moment and see it as a potential for great happiness.

For what's blocking you, I see that you are perhaps a tad too focused on observing that wish form, growing more and more impatient, and as a result getting a but tyrannical with your mind. Like, things don't go as fast as you want them to, so you second guess yourself and lot, get anxious and frustrated with yourself. There is a form of naivety here, as if you were not the most experienced in matters of love. It could also mean it's been a while you've been in a relationship and the memories of your past love are being triggered and coming back to the surface, making it hard to deal with them.

For things going for you, you've gotten a lot of action oriented cards, showing that you are determined and driven to see your wish come true. You don't want to wait anymore and are ready to make a move once the opportunity shows up. You trust that you are on the right path and are ready for things to pick up speed. However, this might make you get a bit restless when again the right opportunity or situation doesn't show up fast enough and it's a bit exhausting for you because you put a lot of pressure on yourself.

Another interesting message is one of getting out of hibernation in some way, which is shown in your past-to be released cards as well. It seems you used to have a tendency to hold onto your feelings and intentions, never making your desires and wants known, reacting by being very defensive and guarded, and i think you've not quite released that old pattern totally yet, but it's in progress. I think you still have a tendency to put a wall between you and your love interest by fear of getting hurt and you keep your cards close to your chest because you want to make the right move at the right time and you worry acting out of sync and ruining everything. This is making you a little too controlling and calculating and not in flow enough.

So it makes sense that one of the message of things to embrace has to do with getting in touch with your more intuitive side, as opposed to your analytical side. I think you still second guess yourself a lot despite knowing when a situation has potential and all this worry is making you go back and forth a lot and is causing tension. I think you need to embrace your desire for long lasting commitment, which for some reason you might be scared to accept, as if you thought wishing for it would mean being disappointed when you don't get it. You're so fearful of being disillusioned and not seeing reality clearly that you put everything into question and confuse yourself. You need to know that it's okay to not be able to read other people's intentions, you're not meant to. Things will get clearer as they progress. Also, it's okay to daydream about the love you desire, and you should do more of that. Explore things in the safe space that is your imagination and allow yourself to imagine what you want the future to be like.

For the practical steps to take, there is a need to show up confident and strong, taking the lead instead of waiting for the other person to make a move. You know yourself and your boundaries and you can say what you desire. There is also the need to come up fair and honest, so don't hide how you feel, don't hide what you want, but honor your loved person with the respect that come with being upfront. Also, to answer your worries, go there with the confidence of someone who act as if they won, and by that I mean don't expect things to go wrong before you even know if they will but instead pretend victory will be on your side, because even if you're not sure, why automatically assume you're going to get rejected when you don't really know?

For the near future, I didn't go too in detail about your situation because I wanted to leave the message open, but I think for some of you there's already a connection in the making, and you're soon going to be handed a new piece of the puzzle that will make you see things in a new perspective and make things progress further. What it is I do not know, but the cards point at a phase of focused progress where someone or both parties are working toward a common goal. Again I can't say what that puzzle piece is, but there is a strong idea of that new way of seeing the relationship, or experiencing the relationship, that leads to a path where you'll be working toward something for this connection.

Finally, I just wanted to point out that the bottom of the deck was the Sun so it seems this is an auspicious time for you, so don't get too hung up in what doesn't work exactly the way you want and enjoy the ride!!

[thedovesaredying]

Monsters in the Dark | Nikto x Reader | Part 2

Second chapter of the Cowboy!Nikto AU. Written from the POV of Nikto this time. A reminder once again that there's a prologue and "part 1" is only the first full chapter. The original cowboy AU is owned and created by @ghouljams.

A/N: I'm a day late on my estimation for when it would be done, but life decided to get me sick, busy with uni work, and put one of my legs completely out of action. I also realized about 3 husbandry manuals deep into my research that the chapter would be a bit too long if I included that much information. Instead, the info will be sprinkled in among the next few chapters.

Warnings: Sputnik being a silly girl.

Masterlist: CoD Masterlist

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The weather is downright miserable. While one might assume the worst weather would be torrential rain or unforgiving hail, Nikto is firmly of the belief that there’s nothing worse than a hot, sunny day. It’s hard enough to be constantly covered from head to toe, but to then add on the Texan sun beating down at its full strength? He’s certain he’ll be nothing more than a puddle of sweat by the end of the day.  

At least Sputnik seems to be enjoying the disgusting temperatures. She’s running around the front of the property, completely unfazed by the heat. She welcomes it, in fact, using it as the perfect excuse to paddle into the large dam for a cool swim at the day’s warmest.  

Her paws are caked with mud and grass, so much to her sadness she’s been barred from entering the house, forced to wait until she’s dried off and all the muck has fallen off of her paws. If she’s still dirty by the end of the day then a quick hosing down will be in order, but she’ll likely consider that a fun game too.  

For now, she’s content to lay stretched out on the porch, her side rapidly rising and falling as she pants.  

The weather isn’t the only thing that’s miserable, however. Nikto’s mood has been foul ever since his forced trip into town for new supplies. A certain hyena had decided that she was bored while her owner was away and had decided to chew a rather large hole in the wall of the shed.  

The hole was easily large enough for her to climb through and so, after having already spent most of the day hard at work, Nikto was forced to leave for the only hardware store in town. Some new planks of wood and a hammer not riddled with rust later, and he’s reminded of the invoice he received the vet clinic a few days prior and has also yet to pay for.  

He’s not quite sure what possessed him to go to the clinic in person, but he was disappointed regardless with what greeted him. The receptionist was painfully cheery and seemed determined to dig into his business with her endless questions. He’d left feeling completely drained from only a single conversation with the woman. You hadn’t been there. He can’t fathom why that annoys him so much.  

The hole in the shed was simple enough to fix, even under the intensity of the sweltering heat, but the issue of Sputnik remains.  

Clearly, he can’t leave her unattended for several hours at a time just for work. She’s never had to entertain herself in such an environment and clearly, it’s stressing her out being without her only packmate. She requires both social interaction and physical activity, but above all of that, needs mental stimulation.  

Like a toddler left without a guardian, Sputnik has decided that she can tear apart the house and garden while unattended. Plants have been torn out of the ground, wooden structures gnawed to bits, and most concerningly, large holes dug along the fence line.  

The situation is far from ideal, but Nikto does not abandon his own. He isn’t like those bastards at the CIA who are willing to leave those loyal to them knowing full well they will perish without help. He made that decision a long time ago, and Sputnik’s very name is a tribute to that.  

It was only three years ago, but it felt like eons. It started with a small enemy group hidden deep within the South African wilderness who were utilising spotted hyenas as guard animals. Nikto and his team had cut through the animals both outside and inside the building, even the ones hidden away in the basement below. 

In the end, only a single cub remained; a tiny girl still nestled up against the steadily cooling body of her mother. She couldn’t have been more than a week or two of age, bright eyed as all hyena newborns are, and covered in scraggly fur.  

The other men on the team planned on putting the animal out of her misery, but the sight gave Nikto pause. She was small and defenceless, and abandoned by her cowardly handlers to be killed by their enemy. It was a story he couldn’t help but find familiar. Picking up the infant, she snuggles into his vest, completely trusting of him despite not having known him for more than a few seconds.  

She whines and licks at him as he tucks her into his shirt, safe and warm pressed up against scarred skin. No one says a word, when he leaves the compound with the cub and boards the waiting helicopter for the trip back to base.  

His first thought was to name her Laika, but that name seemed a little too common for his taste, and so he chose Sputnik, the name of Laika’s space capsule and eventual tomb. A tribute to yet another stray who was left behind by those who should have protected her.  

Sputnik would not suffer the same fate; she would never be disregarded like a broken toy thrown into the trash. She’s good, she’s loyal, she trusts Nikto unconditionally. Destroying a bit of property would never be a reason to break that trust.  

Instead, he presses dial on your number and holds his phone to his ear. He’s been thinking it over for several minutes, finger hovering over the button with your contact listed, before forcing himself to press it. For a long while it rings and he’s about to give up when you finally answer with a bright greeting to whoever is on the other side.  

He grunts out your name, listening as you happily chirp his own back at him in return. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” you ask. He can hear the soft rumbling of a car’s engine in the background and can only assume you’re driving somewhere.  

“I require... assistance,” he says after a long pause, letting the conversation drift into silence. While it isn’t necessarily help he’s asking for, it still rankles deeply that he isn’t solving the issue alone. He despises being indebted to anyone for anything, but for some reason he doesn’t get the feeling you’re out to acquire favours from anyone. You’re a professional merely doing what you’re trained for and nothing more. He can admire that.  

“What can I help you with? Is Sputnik alright?” You sound so genuinely concerned about her, so much so that it sounds like you almost drop your phone.  

He glances down at the hyena laying happily at his feet, panting up at him with a broad grin. “She is fine,” he confirms, catching the relieved sigh you let out, “it is behavioural issues she is dealing with.”  

You make a soft sound, clearly intrigued, “well, I’m on the road at the moment heading toward my next appointment, but I should have time to drop in to your place in a few hours. Will you be around then?”  

“да,” he hums, “we will be here.”  

“Perfect! I’ll be there in a few,” you confirm, and after offering an acknowledging grunt, he ends the call.  

He goes to pocket the phone but pauses, glancing at your number. Mulling it over for a good long while, he selects the number and adds it to his contacts. There’s only two other people there, one of them his current workplace and the other one of his old acquaintances from before even his time in KorTac.  

A rather dramatic huff from Sputnik draws his attention from staring at his phone, and he watches her with hidden amusement as she rolls over onto her stomach. She looks up at him with big, sad eyes and a pathetic whine. When he merely rolls his eyes at her she playfully snaps her teeth in his direction.  

“Я не знал, что ты такая королева драмы,” he growls back, curling the undamaged part of his lip at her.  

The hyena, fortunately, can tell he’s still joking despite his deadpan tone and leaps to her feet with a delighted cackle. She shakes out her coat, biting at the air. The moment he so much as twitches a finger in her direction she turns and leaps off the top of the deck, forgoing the stairs so she can sprint across the yard.  

Nikto stands from his chair but doesn’t give chase, watching as the crazy animal spins around in circles before darting off toward the dam again. She dives into the water with a splash, sending muddy water in all directions. He cringes slightly at the sight of the hyena now dripping with muck. At least he was already planning on hosing her down. The rest of the afternoon passes slowly, with Nikto taking some time to rest while Sputnik causes minimal trouble.  

When your car finally does pull up, the poor girl has exhausted herself again, laying in a pile of leaves while she happily naps away. The moment her flicking ears pick up the sound of your truck on the gravel she jumps up again, eyes wide as she takes in the familiar sight. She’s already giggling to herself with excitement, looking between Nikto and your vehicle.  

“место!” Nikto calls, ignoring the sad whimper that earns. He approaches when you pull up, patiently waiting as you drop out of the front seat and close the door behind you.  

When you spot him, you offer a wave and grin, “hey, Nikto!” You take a moment to glance over at Sputnik and he can see her near enough vibrating with how excited she is to come over and greet you out of the corner of her eye. “How’ve you been doing?” you stop just before him, looking him right in the eye, completely unfazed by the monster you’re facing down.  

“We are fine,” he says, perhaps a little too firmly given the way you blink at him, “we require some assistance with behavioural issues.” He quickly amends his statement in the hopes of not immediately scaring you off.  

Fortunately, you’re quick to bounce back, a smile returning to your face, “of course, what sorts of problems are you experiencing?”  

“Спутник!” The hyena’s head shoots up upon hearing her name, “ко мне!” She sprints across the grass, very nearly crashing into his legs with her enthusiasm to heed her owner’s command. “She is getting bored when left alone,” he explains, watching as you reach your hand out for the hyena, “eating walls, digging holes, breaking everything she can reach.”  

Sputnik snuffles at your hand, before whining and immediately shifting to lean up against you, demanding pets. You scratch behind her neck and Sputnik’s tongue lolls out of her mouth in delight. “I’m sure we can work something out to help prevent her from damaging anything else or accidentally eating something she shouldn’t be.”  

“She struggles when left alone, especially during work hours,” he adds on, turning and starting to stalk toward the side of the house where the majority of the damage can be seen.  

“Okay, well she sounds like she just needs some enrichment to keep her occupied while you’re away,” you nod to yourself as you follow Nikto around to the side of the house. Several of the small plants that had been happily growing in little spots around the yard have been either pulled from the soil or completely shredded if they couldn’t be moved.  

You look at the scattered remains of the poor shed’s wall, but don’t look entirely surprised by the backyard warzone you’ve stepped into. You frown down at Sputnik, scratching her between the ears, “what a silly girl,” you coo, rubbing at her ears as the hyena grins up at you with half-lidded eyes, “you shouldn’t be eating all this stuff, it’ll make your tummy sore!” 

Somehow, your baby-talk voice just serves to make Sputnik even giddier, and she eagerly licks at the tips of your fingers. Nikto almost rolls his eyes at the little heart eyes the animal is subjecting you to. It’s impressive, really, how she can remember someone is a friend from only a single interaction.  

When you snap back from your babying of the animal, you quickly refocus. “Hyenas have very powerful jaws, and they love to chew things, so if she doesn’t have enough to keep her entertained then she’ll find something to destroy.”  

“She was given an old tyre a few weeks ago, but it only lasted a few days.” To say he was deeply unimpressed with how quickly she’d torn it to pieces would be an understatement. He knew that Sputnik had quite the bite on her, but to chomp through nine millimetres of rubber like it’s cardboard? Impressive, if a little annoying.  

“How big is your freezer?” you abruptly ask him, and Nikto suddenly worries where this line of questioning is going. Does he need to check the trunk of your car? Regardless, he offers you a nod.  

“Perfect!” You clap your hands together, making Sputnik jump excitedly at the sudden sound, “it’s supposed to be quite hot tomorrow, so I can think of at least one idea for her.” You start listing out what the two of you are going to do rapid-fire with the same confidence and efficiency of any commanding officer.  

You’re in your element, your passion for your work clear as day and you have him following your every instruction. You’re like a fount of knowledge when it comes to anything and everything husbandry related, suggesting changes to Sputnik’s diet, new toys to keep her entertained, and ways to prevent her from destroying anything she really shouldn’t be messing with.  

When you finally end up leaving, it’s long past sundown. Sputnik has grown bored of watching the two of you working in the shed and has retired to her massive dog bed for a nap, so the two of you have been working in comfortable silence. He’s glad you don’t feel the need to fill the air with irritating chatter, only offering corrections here and there.  

He escorts you to back to your truck, closing your door behind you once you’re settled comfortably into the driver’s seat. You roll down the window and offer him a grin, but he can see just how tired you are given how your eyes are slightly drooped. “How much do we owe?” he asks, quickly tearing his gaze from your sweet smile.  

Little wrinkles appear across your forehead as your lips turn downward, an innocent, confused look on your face, “owe you?” 

He resists the urge to roll his eyes and instead just huffs in mild amusement, “payment, for your work.” 

Your eyes light up in understanding and you laugh, “oh, no, don’t worry about that,” you wave him off, “I’m just happy to help out.” You just smile up at him, as if you can’t see anything wrong with what you just said.  

Nikto is forced to remind himself that you’re a civilian, not another untrustworthy operator. Not everyone does things purely for the pay they’ll be rewarded with, even if the very thought of not giving you something in return makes him uncomfortable. He holds his hand out to you, “phone.”  

You blink at him for a second, but quickly do as you’re told, just like the good girl you are. He goes into your contacts and adds his number and details, hitting save the moment he’s done. He doesn’t bother adding a picture, passing your phone back to you, “call us when you require assistance.” He waits until you offer him a nod before he steps back from the side of the car.  

You have an odd, flustered look on your face for some reason, but you’re quick to snap out of whatever daze you're in and give him a quick wave as you put your truck into reverse. He watches silently as you disappear back down the driveway and into the steadily darkening evening, waiting until you’re out of sight.  

Sputnik is absolutely delighted the following morning when Nikto presents her with her blood and peanut butter ice block.

-

Translations

“да,” - “Yes” 

“Я не знал, что ты такая королева драмы,” - “I didn't know you were such a drama queen,”  

“место!” - “Stay!” 

“Спутник!” - “Sputnik!” 

“ко мне!” - “Come!”  

[numbuh-7-knd]

Just finished watching season 1 of the apothecary diaries, it was really good. I'm shipping Maomao and Jinshi pretty hard, and Maomao in general is hilarious/adorable. Here are my rambling thoughts so far, in no particular order and with plenty of spoilers, so beware:

I keep having to Google things, such as what a eunuch is (I knew to some extent, but i wasn't sure if in the timeperiod a eunuch would just have his balls removed or the balls and the dick, and was trying to figure out how Jinshi was hiding his status), how blue roses were traditionally made, and various plants. I also had to look up the family tree a few times because I kept getting confused, and for a hot second when they were getting into the whole Ah-Dou thing I thought the reveal was going to be that Maomao was the daughter of Ah-Dou who for some reason had Luomen sneak her out of the palace and they were going to reveal that she was somehow the true Heir to the throne or something. I wad relieved when I realized that wasn't the case but was really confused about the whole family tree until I looked it up and realized that Ah-Dou was the concubine to the current emperor when he was just the prince, and the other baby born around the same time was the prince's brother, born to the now Dowager empress, so the 2 babies were nephew and uncle despite being born around the same time, which was confusing me since I kept thinking Ah-Dou was the concubine of both the current and past emporor, when the person with that unwanted role is Lishu.

I keep being scared that Maomao is going to get in trouble, mostly because of my own ptsd giving me second hand anxiety every time I see Maomao going places she shouldn't be. I keep reminding myself that if it comes down to it, Jinshi is the emperor's younger brother (and secret son) and he'll protect Maomao. And that if nothing else it seems like the emperor likes Maomao and appreciates her saving his daughter and the lives of a few of his consorts.

I also keep getting concubine, courtesan, and consort mixed up.

I started watching season 1 on friday while home alone and suffering period cramps, and have been watching pretty constantly, hence why I've finished all 48 episodes by Tuesday night. It's been a surprisingly good companion while feeling like shit and spending most of my time in fetal position.

I liked the whole thing with Maomao's mother and bio father, but for a little bit there I thought maybe she didn't know that Lakan was her biological father and that when he openly referred to her as his daughter in front of her she would be shocked. I was waiting for a reveal where she would be like, "wait, you're actually my biological father?! And here I thought you were a creep who's been trying to buy me as his child bride since I hit puberty." Kinda disappointed that didn't happen, if only for Lakan's reaction. I am glad that Fengxian at least gets too be with her lover in the end, even if she may not be aware of it, at least he can make sure she's not ever alone and has the best care available for her remaining time.

When she started singing her lullaby I wondered if after giving birth to Maomao and having her taken away after she cut Maomao's finger tip off, if she ever heard Maomao crying in the distance. Even for a mother clearly suffering from post pardum depression and other mental and physical issues, and sure that wouldn't be easy, hearing your child, your baby, crying in the distance and never being comforted. They took her away from her mother for her own good, and did their best, but they couldn't care for her the way she needed, but there's a special kind of irony in taking a baby away from it's mother for it's own safety, then not being able to properly take care of the baby and leaving it to cry for long periods of time where the mother can still hear the child, but is not or maybe even doesn't want to, go care for it. But still having to listen to it cry, and cry, until it stops one day and the mother wonders if the baby has been comforted or just died. And little Maomao trying to visit, maybe on some level knowing that's her mama, only to be chased off.

It's definitely very similar to snow white and the red hair, but I think the biggest difference, besides the obvious setting being that one is in a fictional version of China and the other is in a fictional version of Europe, is the protagonists personalities. Both Maomao and Shirayuki have a similar skill set but different backgrounds that cause them to go about life very differently, with Maomao going with the flow and not trying to control her life as much, whereas Shirayuki gives up the life she knew to avoid becoming a concubine. Honestly there is potential for a funny crossover there. And of course there's also the huge difference in the life interests, both second princes of their kingdom, and yet one (Jinshi) hides his status to live as a lesser official and serve his emperor while one (Zen) is openly a prince and has his princely duties while also wanting to be close to his love interest. There's also the fact that both Shirayuki and Zen are alot more... sane...? than Jinshi and Maomao are.

I now have a very silly fan theory/headcanon/au idea that Maomao is actually whatever the cat equivalent of a kitsune would be, and was just born/reincarnated into this life to cause chaos and solve mysterys. Maybe she was causing too much trouble in the spirit world and was sent to be a human and cause problems for them for a bit to give the other spirits a break. And that when she gets too excited her cat features come out but most people don't notice it because of whatever magic illusion trickery she has going on. Obviously this means whenever anyone else displays animalistic features this means they are also animal spirits given human form, which makes things pretty funny.

Now I'm debating putting on my pirate hat and fake parrot to watch season 2. 🏴‍☠️🦜

[lady-pug]

Anything For You

Summary: 5 times Crosshair protects you and 1 time you do the same for him.

Pairing: Crosshair x Reader

Word count: 5k

Warnings: canon-typical violence, one dude being kinda creepy at 79's

Notes: Hello hello everyone! It's been a hot minute since this series has seen an update, but after season 3 I had some inspiration (I know it has been a while since season 3 actually come out, but some things had happened that needed my sole attention, I didn’t have the time nor the energy and motivation to write for quite a while). But now I’m back!

I really hope you, dear reader, enjoy this and have fun while reading it. If you spot any mistakes, please feel free to warn me and I'll correct it right away, and feedback is always welcome and appreciated. I hope you truly enjoy this story.

Reader is female, but no physical descriptions provided. Also, when describing the formal attire in topic 3 I tried to keep descriptions to a minimum so you can imagine what the reader is wearing in this scene (I’m a sucker for women in suits, but it’s up to you to imagine)

Next part | Previous part | Masterlist | Read on AO3

1.

The Batch’s mission on Taanab had gone south very quickly. The Separatists had aimed to cut the commercial lines the planet held with Coruscant, which would pose a major problem as it could possibly throw the entire Republic into starvation. So Clone Force 99 had been sent to scout the planet and possibly find Separatists spies stationed there. What they didn’t count on was being ambushed by Norulac pirates almost as soon as they tried to leave the planet.

Tech and Hunter had gone inside a facility suspected of housing the spies they were looking for, while Wrecker kept watch by the entrance, and you and Crosshair covered their shebs from a hill a few klicks away. What you didn’t expect was for Tech to take a major hit as soon as they walked out the door with the spy. In order not to compromise the mission, Wrecker pushed the cuffed nautolan back inside the compound and closed the doors behind them. 

As soon as the first blaster bolt was fired, you leaped to your feet, much to Crosshair’s protests, and started running towards Tech, medkit clutched tightly under your arm. Crosshair, ever the marksman, kept shooting his Firepunch, trying to get rid of as many pirates while you pushed forward. As you approached the place where Tech had gone down you skidded to a halt, keeping your head down as to avoid the blaster fire. Slipping your hand under his armpits you dragged him across the pebbled ground (and mentally apologized for any scratches he might find on his backplate later on), taking cover behind a short wall and starting to patch him up.

What you didn’t notice, however, was the pirate approaching from behind you and Tech while you assessed his injuries, who must have either slipped unnoticed by Wrecker and Hunter or come up all the way from behind the facility. You only seemed to notice him once Tech, coming back to his senses after a stim shot, pointed over your shoulder and told you to look out. By then it was already too late, as the pirate had his vibroblade raised and ready to strike.

As you fumbled with your blaster to at least try and protect the two of you a long blaster bolt came scorching through the air, hitting the man right on his temple and sending him tumbling sideways, dead. You glanced back towards the hill you had just climbed down from, sending a nod in Crosshair’s general direction, knowing he could see you with his scope.

“Thanks for having my back, Cross.” you spoke into your commlink before resuming your work on Tech’s wound, barely catching Crosshair’s reply.

“Anything for you, Copikla.” he mumbled, going back to firing his rifle in order to help his brothers take out the remaining pirates.

2.

The woman was definitely moving too fast for someone who allegedly had nothing to hide. And Clone Force 99 was hellsbent (more like ordered to) figure out why.

Your current mission, issued by Commander Fox of all people, albeit a stealth mission of sorts, wasn’t like anything you had ever done before. A Gran representative of Malastare, acting as a temporary substitute for Senator Ainlee Teem while the senator went back to his home planet to help calm the nerves and appease the public opinion of the citizens of Malastare about the rampage caused by the Zillo Beast, was suspected to be working for the Separatists. Afraid that an investigation lead directly by the Coruscant Guard would be too on the nose and she might try to cover her tracks, Commander Fox had surprisingly, as him and the Batch often didn't see eye to eye, requested that the Bad Batch be the ones to follow her around and figure out her intentions.

So here you and Crosshair were, following the woman a few paces behind her all throughout Coruscant busy streets. The plan of action had been to split up, Hunter and Wrecker taking the two parallel streets to the one where the woman was currently speed-walking while you and Crosshair followed behind her. Tech had stayed behind at the Guard’s headquarters, tracking the woman’s movements using the surveillance system. 

As the teams were being separated Crosshair had demanded that you go with him (although ‘demand’ might be too strong of a word, as he knew Hunter, as his commanding officer, could very well tell him to shut up and take a step back, which he thankfully didn’t), internally reasoning with himself that you could very well get lost and compromise the mission, even though the knowing smirk the Sergeant had sent his way after agreeing with his suggestion told him he might have other reasons. And now he was glad he insisted on that.

As dusk fell over the city and rush hour approached, more and more people filled the streets eager to head home. This didn’t pose a problem for Crosshair as his height, greater than that of the regs (and quite greater than Hunter’s, as he often liked to tease his vod about) paired with his extraordinary eyesight allowed him to keep his eyes on the Gran woman at all times. You on the other hand weren’t so lucky, as people bumped into you and tried to squeeze their way past the both of you. Concerned you’d slip away, dragged by the sea of people, he snaked his arm around your waist, his hand lazily draped over your hip, keeping you close to his side and not letting you venture away from him.

You looked up at him, a tiny grin gracing your features.

“Thanks Cross.”

The only response you got was his grip on your hip. tightening almost imperceptibly.

3. 

“I don’t like it.” 

Hunter sighed for the umpteenth time in the past hour.

“I already told you, these are our orders.” he turned towards his brother, who scowled in return.

“Why can’t one of us go in?”

“As a matter of fact, that option has been brought up to Commander Cody,” Tech chimed in, not once taking his eyes off his holopad “but he has reminded us of a crucial fact: no matter how much our phenotype might differ from that of the regs, we’re still clones. If a single slightly more enlightened individual in that ballroom catches sight of our resemblance to our mandalorian progenitor, the mission would be compromised.”

Crosshair huffed, still not convinced.

“But why does it have to be her?” he argued “Why couldn’t they have brought another natborn specialist? Or, kriff, even a senator? Senators are good at these sorts of events.”

“Senators are public figures, they would be recognized in an instant.” Hunter promptly answered “And all other female natborns were unavailable.”

“And the Seppie likes pretty women!” Wrecker laughed “I mean who doesn’t? I’m sure none of us would be able to seduce him!”

“I still don’t like it.” unsatisfied, Crosshair picked up his Firepuncher to check the scope, even though he knew for a fact it was pristine as always. 

A beneficent gala was being held by the InterGalactic Banking Clan to members of the Confederacy of Independent Systems council in Cantonica. One Separatist senator, a sleazy old quacta of a man, was rumored to have information on the next course of action regarding a siege against Republic forces in Ansion. So, given the sensitivity of the mission ahead, Clone Force 99 was called in. However, none of them could go in without the risk of being recognized as members of the GAR, so they had to send in-

“How do I look?” he was buried so deep in his own thoughts he didn’t even hear the door to the fresher opening and you stepping out into the hull of the ship. As he looked up to glance at you, he thanked the maker he was already sitting down, otherwise his knees would have buckled and he would have been sent tumbling down.

You looked gorgeous. 

Your hair was styled in a completely different style than you normally wore it, a few delicate pins adorning it. Some light makeup covered your face, accentuating your natural beauty. And your outfit… Crosshair had only seen you in your uniform and armor in the battlefield, or in your GAR-issued blacks around the ship. He had never seen you wearing anything like this, so formal and fitting for your exact frame.

He couldn’t even speak. He just kept staring at you, his eyes moving up and down your frame.

“You look beautiful, baar’ur’ika!” Wrecker’s booming voice brought him out of his stupor, as he shook his head.

“You really think so?” you asked, feeling a little shy “I never usually wear something so nice, this is a bit out of my comfort zone.”

“You look amazing Doc.” Hunter chimed in, nudging his brother with his elbow, his lips pulled in a knowing smirk “Doesn’t she, Crosshair?”

He was still collecting his thoughts when you turned to face him, eyes gleaming with… hope? 

“Yeah,” he dared answer “yes, she does.”

You beamed at him, smiling so brightly he felt his heart skip a beat for being the reason for your happiness. He wasn’t even bothered when he heard Hunter chuckling under his breath, no doubt catching on his vod’s reaction to your presence. 

As your squad started diskimbarking to start the mission, Crosshair reached out to hold you in place, his fingers gently encircling your wrist, leaving just the two of you still on the ship.

“If-” he swallowed thickly, not knowing how to say what he was thinking. 

“What is it, Cross?” you turned towards him, giving him your full attention.

“I’ll be keeping watch on the roof the entire time.” he breathed out “If anything happens, if at any moment you feel like you might be in danger, comm me. I’ll find a way to get you out, Copikla.”

You smiled softly at him, turning your palm up and intertwining your fingers.

“I’ll be fine, Cross. Really. You don’t have to worry about me.” Impossible, he thought, and as if reading his mind you squeezed his hand gently “But thank you for keeping an eye out for me.”

He squeezed your hand back, lips turning up in the tiniest of smiles.

And if at a certain point during the gala, a glass of wine carefully balanced on a tray on a waiters hand spontaneously exploded, startling the waiter and making him drop the entire contents of the tray over the separatist senator as he started getting handsy with you, Hunter’s scolding for nearly compromising the mission was definitely worth it as you giggled at his antics behind the sergeants back.

4.

79’s was certainly more packed than usual for a standard Taungsday. It seemed like most battalions were on leave at once, hence the more chaotic atmosphere and the crowd forming around the bar. 

It had been forever since Clone Force 99 had shore leave scheduled on Coruscant instead of being called back to Kamino, so you intended to make the most of it. Wrecker was already a few drinks in, arm wrestling some of the boys of the 212th; Echo was catching up with some of the boys in blue, having spend so much time away from his old battalion; Tech had already gone back to the barracks to read some articles on his holopad, the weird neon green cocktail he had order right at the beginning of the night only half empty and long forgotten; and Hunter had already scurried off with a gorgeous orange Twi’lek. 

Only you and Crosshair remained at the table, chatting idly, your thigh pressed against the side of his and his arm slung over the back of the seat behind you. Your heads were tilted close together in order to hear each other over the beat of the music in the club. For a moment Crosshair thought it felt weirdly… intimate, even though you weren’t actually doing anything. He’d never been this close to anyone, where he felt he could just let himself be. It was nice.

“I’m going to get another drink.” you whispered-yelled at him at one point, gesturing at his own cup “Want anything?”

He pondered for a moment, before declining with a shake of his head.

“Someone has to keep a clear head in order to babysit the lot of you.” he motioned to where Wrecker, clearly a little more than tipsy, was celebrating another victory over a shiny.

You snorted, before quickly turning around and walking towards the bar. He couldn’t help but silently watch over you, always keeping you in his line of sight.

It had become second nature to him, watching you. At first he tried to argue that it was only to ensure you didn’t do anything stupid and risk one of his brothers, but it slowly ended up becoming something he just did naturally. He wanted, no, needed, to ensure you were safe at all times, and not just on the battlefield.

As he watched you lean over the bar and signal the bartender, your back turned to him, he noticed a devarionian man quickly glance over at you from a few seats away. For a few moments nothing happened, he kept his eyes trained on you, occasionally catching sight of the devarionian from the corner of his eye. 

And then the guy was moving.

He slid up next to you, standing way too close for your (and Crosshair’s comfort). The mirror above the shelfs in the bar let him see your face,  and you did not seem too happy with your new company. At first you tried ignoring the man, he noticed, giving him very clipped answers and only nodding along. The guy, it seemed, couldn’t seem to take a hint, as he kept rambling on and on about something the sniper couldn’t bother reading his lips for. And the moment his hand brushed against your arm, startling you and prompting you to take a step away from the man with ‘uncomfortable’ and ‘creeped out’ written all over your face, Crosshair was out of his seat and crossing the dancefloor towards you in quick strides.

Once he approached the pair of you, you noticed him over the man’s shoulder, your face relaxing slightly at the sight of him.

“Is everything all right?” he asked, to which the devarionian turned to him seemingly undisturbed. 

“Yeah, me and the lady over here were having a wonderful chat.” the devarionian dismissed him “ Now if you’ll excuse us.” 

Crosshair knew he was tall. He, along with Tech, was the second tallest amongst all clones, shorter only than Wrecker. It wasn’t something he usually cared for, unless when he got to tease Hunter about his own height, which was shorter than the regs, but he knew for a fact he was taller than most people. So he decided to use this to his advantage. As his face contorted into the deepest scowl he could muster, he crossed his arms over his chest, squaring his shoulders. This meant he was absolutely towering over the man. He didn’t even have to say anything and the devarionian was already cowering.

“A-actually, I think my buddy over there is calling me over.” and he rushed off without even looking at you again.

You looked at Crosshair as he relaxed, a mixture of gratitude and a sense of residual unease written in your face.

“Thanks Cross,” you started “but I could’ve handled him. You know I can take care of myself.” 

“Trust me, Copikla, I know.” he shrugged “But you shouldn’t have to.” 

Your face softened at his words, and you leaned your head against his arm. 

“Thank you anyway.” 

His response came in the form of a wordless hum, but which carried a whole lot of meaning to it.

‘Always’.

5.

Crosshair absolutely hated keeping watch. He would take Wrecker’s snoring and Tech’s endless tinkering over this any day. They were in hyperspace, for maker’s sake! What threat could be so dire that one of them had to stay awake and alert for hours, freezing cold as Tech refused to fix the cockpit’s heating system?

But Hunter insisted. And as their sergeant, Hunter was in charge and whatever he said goes. And so here Crosshair was, watching nothing go by bored out of his mind.

All of a sudden he heard the soft pattern of bare feet against the cold floor of the Marauder, approaching the cockpit. It couldn’t possibly be Wrecker, he could still hear his snoring from all the away from the bunks. It wasn’t Echo either, as the clanking of his mechanical legs against the durasteel floor would have given him away. It probably wasn’t Hunter, as the man was an incredibly deep sleeper, his slumber being one of the only one moments his heightened senses gave him a break. And Tech wasn’t supposed to come relieve him from watch duty for at least three more hours or so. So that left only you.

Because of this line of thought he was unsurprised when you joined him in the cockpit, dropping onto the co-pilot seat next to him.

For a moment neither of you uttered a word. He stayed silent as he took you in, noticing the way your shoulders trembled slightly and the soft sniffles you were trying to contain.

“What’s wrong?” he asked at last.

You startled, as if only now noticing his presence next to you. Once you calmed down you simply shrugged in response.

“Nightmare, ‘s all.” your voice wavered a tiny bit, but it was enough for him to notice.

Silence permeated the room once more as he thought about the situation. You clearly seemed shaken by whatever was plaguing your mind when sleeping, yet he didn’t really know how to help. He wasn’t the best with words, Hunter and even Wrecker were way better than him when it came to comforting people.

But then he paused. Thinking about Hunter reminded him of something his older brother would do whenever one of them had nightmares as cadets.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

As a kid Crosshair never took Hunter up on his offer to listen, but he would still sit with him in silence and let him wind down after the dream. Wrecker on the other hand often rambled about what had scared him and Hunter always found a solution for him. Tech often kept to himself, never mentioning when he had nightmares of his own, but he knew Hunter had his back should he ever wish to talk.

You chuckled, though it was humorless and heavy.

“You know I have worked with other clones, right?” he nodded, remembering the medical base you used to work at before joining Clone Force 99 as their field medic “I had a lot of patients there. Most we were able to treat, but… we lost a lot of them as well.” 

He could only imagine the kind of toll that took on someone.

“And it’s like they weren’t even people!” you whispered, frustrated tears collecting in your eyes “There wasn’t any family we could contact to deliver the bad news, at best one of his batchmates or another brother from the same battalion. But in the end it was just… crossing numbers out of a spreadsheet.” 

You took a deep breath in order to collect your thoughts.

“I see them when I fall asleep sometimes.” you smiled, but it was a sad smile, one that Crosshair didn’t think suited you at all “The ones I could save.” 

Crosshair didn’t know what to say to that. How much death had you witnessed before you met the Bad Batch? Before you met him? You had your own demons haunting you, and it served to show him that them, the soldiers fighting this war, weren’t the only ones affected by it.

“Come here.” he extended a hand to you.

“What?” you looked at him, confused.

He repeated himself, and when you stood up and stopped in front of him he gently grabbed your wrist and pulled you onto his lap, maneuvering you so your head was resting against his shoulder, your ear right above his heart.

“It’s not your fault.” he spoke into your hair “You cannot save everyone. All you can do is try.”

“What happens if I’m not able to save one of you?” he heard the terror in your voice and he couldn’t stand it.

“I won’t let that happen.”

“Cross…”

“I won’t.” he affirmed firmly “I watch over you so you can watch over us. Always.”

He could feel the tension in your body vanishing, as a comforting silence enveloped the both of you. Slowly, as your breathing slowed down and you fell back asleep, he tightened his grip on you, keeping you close to him. And you slept soundly and peacefully through the night, with Crosshair keeping guard of your dreams. 

+1 

Another mission, another success. Clone Force 99 was ordered to infiltrate a Separatist base on Agamar and retrieve some sensitive information regarding the former Separatist rule over Onderon. The mission was easy (at least by the Bad Batch’s standards) and Wrecker was overjoyed over getting to blow a droid tank up. But it was time to head back to Kamino, resupply and wait for new orders.

Wrecker practically barged out of the ship as soon as the Havoc Marauder touched the hangar on Tipoca City, claiming to be starving even though he had eaten not even an hour before. Tech, Echo and you followed him to the mess hall, and Hunter headed to the commander’s office to submit the several missions’ reports he was due, promising to join the four of you later. Similarly, Crosshair mentioned stopping by the armory to grab some more reflective disks as he was running out, shooting a wink your way as you promised to save him a seat next to you on the squad’s usual table.

On the way back to their quarters following his visit to the armory Crosshair bumped into Hunter and after a few words both decided to stop by their quarters in order to leave their equipment before heading to the mess hall to meet the others. As they wandered the sterile halls of the kaminoan facility, however, an incoming transmission from Hunter’s comm made them stop short.

“Hunter, where are you?” Tech’s usually calm and collected voice came through sounding a bit… panicky. Strange, Crosshair’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his brother; Tech didn’t panic.

“Crosshair and I are on our way to our quarters, why?”

“You might want to make a detour to the medbay.” Echo’s voice came in as well. “A fight broke out in the mess hall.”

Hunter pinched his nose as Crosshair sighed in annoyance. Typical. They’ve been back on Kamino for less than a standard hour and they were already in trouble.

“What did Wrecker get up to this time?” Crosshair spoke into his brother’s comm.

Echo and Tech paused, the silence on their end stretching for a moment.

“It wasn’t Wrecker.” Tech answered.

“This time.” Echo chimed in.

A distant ‘Hey!’ was heard as Hunter and Crosshair exchanged a confused yet concerned glance before rushing through the halls. Tech and Echo were waiting for them before the closed doors that lead to the medbay.

“What happened?” Hunter asked, his tone laced with tiredness, clearly fed up with his brothers’ antics. 

But before either of them could respond a pair of troopers, regs by the looks of it, walked out the doors. And they couldn’t look worse for wear; one of them had a busted lip and the other was sporting a broken nose, two large bruises already starting to climb up towards his eyes.

“Oh, look, the rest of the anomalies are here.” the one with the cut lip snickered, grimacing as the action pulled against the wound.

“How about you control your little shabuir next time, eh?” the other scoffed as they walked away “Crazy shebs medic and the genetic freaks, it’s like they were made for each other.”

As soon as the word ‘medic’ crossed the reg’s lips Crosshair was moving, busting through the doors of the medbay. What he saw made his heart clench with worry; you were sitting on a cot, holding Wrecker’s hand rather tightly as a medical droid worked on your face. Crosshair could see some caked blood on your hair as the droid cleaned the side of your forehead where it had dripped down. As the droid went over where the cut must have been you winced, to which Wrecker rubbed up and down your back.

“There, baar’ur’ika. It’s all better now.” Wrecker whispered, or at least tried to.

“Thanks, Wreck.” you smiled up at him “I’m just not used to being on the receiving end of medical care, that’s all. I’m always the one cleaning up your cuts, not the other way around.”

Crosshair was so engrossed in watching the exchange he barely heard his brothers follow him into the medbay.

“Some regs started provoking us as we were walking to our table in the mess hall.” Tech explained “She started getting agitated but we told her to just ignore it. But then… a pair of regs said something under their breaths only she could hear, and she…”

“She went ballistic.” Echo completed for Tech, who looked unsettled for once “It looked like she was out for their heads. So much so that Wrecker had to step in.”

Crosshair heard Hunter sigh behind him.

“Command is not gonna be happy with him for getting into a fight. Again.”

“Oh no,” Tech corrected “Wrecker intervened in order to pry her away from the regs. The two troopers who just walked out? That was all her doing.”

A strange sense of pride bloomed inside Crosshair’s chest and started crawling up his throat, his lips threatening to curl into a small smile. Not only were you always looking out for them on the battlefield, but also outside of it? The trust he had been building over time seemed to solidify at that very moment.

As the droid finished wrapping your injury and walked away, Wrecker finally seemed to notice them. 

“Look! Crosshair and Hunter are here!”

As your eyes finally found his, you seemed to light up entirely, akin to a little kid on Life Day.

“Come on, Wrecker, let’s get you some food.” Hunter called, a barely contained sigh escaping from his lips “From what I hear you didn’t get a chance to eat yet. And I have to go back to Command and report this incident.”

Your smile turned sheepish and Crosshair couldn’t tell if you were embarrassed over the slight reprimanding tone in the sergeant’s voice or because your shenanigans had caused everyone to miss dinner so far.

As the other’s left, he sat down on the foot of your cot next to your legs, his long fingers wrapping around your ankle.

“So” he drawled out, a small smirk pulling at his lips “I hear you got yourself in trouble?”

You chuckled, to which he squeezed your ankle playfully in return.

“Yeah, I guess your affinity for trouble is rubbing off on me.”

“I mean, you were assigned to us after all, you obviously aren’t the little angel Commander Cody made you out to be.” he joked, before letting his curiosity get the better of him “What did they say anyway to make you snap like that?”

He noticed the very moment your face fell, your smile slipping off your face and your eyes turning slightly dull.

“Oh, Cross.” there was something so sad in the way you said his name that he never wanted to hear again, even if it meant he never got to hear his name fall from your lips for the rest of his life “They were so vile. First they started talking about Tech, Wrecker and Echo and they just told me to ignore it, but then…” a very soft, almost unnoticeable sheen of tears brimmed in your eyes “They started talking about you, Cross.”

The grip he had on your leg grew even tighter as he physically recoiled, taken aback.

“They started saying these awful things about you and you weren’t even there.” you stammered “They were being cruel and mean to you behind your back and I couldn’t let that slide. I just remembered what you once told me, about how the regs treated you as cadets and I just… saw red. I didn’t even think, I just acted.”

Crosshair felt his heart skip a beat. You, their sweet medic, got into a physical altercation… because of him? Because you felt the need to protect not only him, but his vode as well? You, who baked cookies and was nice to him even when he pushed you away and insulted you, broke a soldier’s nose… for him?

“I-I’m sorry.” you sighed “I know I shouldn’t have, but-”

“Would you do it again?”

Now was your turn to be taken aback.

“What?”

“If a bunch of regs ever insulted me or my brothers again,” he said slowly, the words feeling heavy on his tongue “would you defend us again, even if it meant getting hurt?”

Your lips curled up in a gentle smile, one he came to realize was reserved for him and him alone.

“I’d do anything for you, Crosshair.”

In a moment he was by your side, not even realizing he was moving. He sat on the bed by your side as you scooted over, making space for him, and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. His lips pressed softly on the hair on the crown of your head as he spoke.

“I won’t let you get hurt, Copikla.” he whispered, the most vulnerable he had ever been “Not on my watch, you’re never getting hurt again.”

He sighed contently as you relaxed by his side, laying your head on his shoulder.

“I promise.”

[hunluan-writes]

that anon wasn’t me but they are absolutely correct and i feel like i should give my two cents worth about all of this among the sea of hate towards the nijisanji livers. i’m not bootlicking the company, but i feel like it’s hypocritical for people to sent hate to the talents after doki said MULTIPLE times not to since she was also a victim of such behavior (and plenty of dragoons no longer even feel safe in her community because of the immense amount of people who are only there to harass and don’t even care for her) this is a rant that just shows that the issue is gray and that we’ll never really know what’s going on as outsiders

tell the remaining members to graduate because their fanbase will follow them is stupid, acting like they didn’t work their asses off to get where they are and haven’t invested so much in their current persona. ike, elira, and vox are some of the most popular talents so that it makes sense for anycolor to force them into making the stream. saying that vox doesn’t care about mental health after his charity stream and saying that it was just for show need to shut up because we’ll never how how he’s really feeling behind the avatar. elira specifically doesn’t deserve the disproportionate amount of hate and disgusting things she received from it from what was essentially revenge porn to art of her being abused, have these people not been taught that if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all? it costs NOTHING to spam hate on your private account instead.

while i agree that the 2% merch sales and 1/4 (after youtube) of the supas should be raised, that doesn’t mean that the livers aren’t making any money and are poor as several of them have mentioned being able to pay off student loans and have turned their lives around with the money. while it sucks that selen made no profit after investing 200k into projects, maria has mentioned before that covers were more of passion gifts to fans rather than something to make money off of (i DO think that they should be paid for their projects, but that’s just how it goes unfortunately). last cup of coffee was taken down because she didn’t have all of the proper permissions and rushed posting it as a sweet gift to fans, management had full intentions to put it back up.

accusing livers of being bullies based on speculations is idiotic as it just hurts innocent people in the crossfire. these may just look like anime women and men to you, but they are REAL PEOPLE and streaming for nijisanji is their main livelihood! have some empathy, it’s hurting their mental health (the mental health some “dragoons” seem to care about so much)

this goes to say, i am on doki’s side because NO ONE should have to go what she went through, but i just want to show that there are two sides to a coin. i think that nijisanji needs better management, to allow their talents more freedom and a higher percentage of merch sales/supas, and stop treating their livers like shit! stop the harassment and move on, it’s what doki has mentioned multiple times that she wanted! don’t be one of the reasons another liver may have to go what she went through because you have an irrational hate boner for the company

also stream mani / gilty x gilty by maria marionette, finana ryugu, POMU RAINPUFF, meloco kyoran, and kotoka torahime

guys this shit right here

This right here

We need to like post this everywhere bc holy shit people need to understand

You are 100% right!! I agree with everything you just said, esp the "graduate and get out of the company" because they really did bust their asses off to get where they are now and it's a childish way of thinking

[pluckyredhead]

Red Hood and the Outlaws #7 (2011)

Hey remember when I was recapping this series? Anyway.

That "At Last!" is a pretty bold assumption, considering that the last (and only) time we saw Essence, she had a brief, context-free conversation with Jason and then left, way back in #1. Who was counting down the days waiting for her return?

We open with Jason, disguised as a doctor, delivering a heavily restrained Crux (the guy who tried to kill Kori because his parents were accidentally killed by random other Tamaraneans) to Arkham, which he describes as "breaking in" even though they clearly opened the door and let him in.

He then exposits that he's "caught in the middle of a centuries-old war between a nameless evil known only as the Untitled - and the remains of an ancient order of humanity's defenders called the All-Caste who were responsible for my training." This is the most context we've ever gotten so far and it's barely anything.

He gets into the spaceship they've stolen from Crux, where he and Kori have an incomprehensible ethical argument:

On the previous page, Jason explained that though Crux tried to kill Kori, aliens don't have the same rights as humans, so their only recourse in terms of dealing with Crux was to fraudulently imprison him in Arkham under heavy sedation for the rest of his life. Here we see that Kori just wanted to kill Crux, but Jason appears to be arguing that they can't do that, because it's okay to kill criminals, but killing an alien isn't a crime, therefore Crux isn't a criminal and thus they can't kill him. So...it's okay to 1. fraudulently imprison someone in a mental institution in a nonconsensual altered state and 2. extra-judicially murder people if they have committed an illegal action even if they haven't been tried and convicted, but because Crux didn't technically break the law, even if Jason doesn't agree with the law, killing him for trying to kill Kori would be crossing the line??? Like, I'm not arguing that Jason should murder this guy, but I don't blame Kori for being pissed. "What can I say, princess? Legally, you aren't a person."

Oh yeah, then Essence shows up.

Jason tells Roy not to fly into that black cloud, and Roy and Kori are confused because only Jason can see the cloud, which tips Jason off that Essence is there. Sure enough, she materializes on the ship, although Jason is still the only one who can see her. Kori is concerned that Jason is talking to himself; Roy tells her not to worry about it because he's trying to have sex with her. Great.

After Jason's narration reveals that he and Essence were lovers when they were younger, he pulls a sword out of nowhere, stabs Essence (she's fine), and accuses her of betraying the All-Caste and trying to set him up to kill one of the Untitled.

Roy is finally alarmed now that Jason is waving a sword around. Suddenly he and Kori can see Essence, who tells Jason that Ducra believed he was the special-ist boy in the world. Then she breaks the All-Blade, much to Jason's shock, but not the reader's, because the blades were only introduced two pages earlier so we have not yet learned that they are supposedly indestructible. This is why it's bad when a comic is written by someone with the attention span of a gerbil.

Essence tells Jason that the Untitled were created when some cavepeople drank from the "waters of absolute evil" (sure) and became possessed. Ducra was there, and refused to drink, but still ended up possessed. Also Essence was there because Ducra's her mom.

Sure.

Kori and Roy attack Essence, who kicks their asses. Jason shoots her with an alien gun, not knowing what it does, and she screams and disappears.

Roy makes a throwaway comment about Jason not knowing any normal people, and Jason's like "Yeah I should call that one flight attendant who hit on me in issue #2." Yes. That seems like the logical psychological impact of this issue's revelations.

The second worst piece of storytelling on this page is Isabel's "traced from a piece of vintage pinup art" pose. The WORST piece is the little smile Rocafort gives the mask, which creates a total disconnect between the art and his self-loathing narration. Like. THIS was how you conveyed "this guy is cursing himself to be alone forever?"

Finally, Suzie Su, the random woman Jason shot and seemingly killed in issue #2, wakes up in the hospital. Even though Jason shot her in Hong Kong, the doctor explains that her father had her airlifted to Gotham for medical treatment, which...the idea that doctors in Hong Kong can't treat bullet wounds so they needed to subject a dying woman to a sixteen hour flight just feels kinda racist to me.

Anyway at least stuff happened in this issue? Sort of? SIGH.

[cyb3rtarot]

Asking the Right Question for the Best Personal Readings—Part 1

Phrasing questions well is important whether you're a reader or querent. Confusion often goes back to the question. To avoid lack of clarity and be extra kind to your reader, keep these in mind!:

Ask exactly, specifically what you want to know; Ask from the most productive angle.

You may get “noise” or irrelevant info if you’re not precise. Many people get readings on feelings or the most changeable, abstract parts of a situation, when there's concrete things you can ask about. Here's a common example:

Querent A asks how their crush feels about them. It seems like their crush likes them and wants to make a move, but there’s mixed signals. Querent A just want to know if they’re planning on taking this farther. Ding ding ding, we have the issue. Querent A is interested in what their crush is DOING; the thing weighing on them is lack of movement and clarity. But, they asked how their crush feels. Someone can feel all sorts of things, but feelings and action are different questions. Reading into feelings does not necessarily provide insight on reality, especially if you're only getting a few cards pulled. Querent A could discover their crush has strong feelings for them, but with no further insight into the actual issue, this could be confusing. A better question would be something like, “what do I need to know about moving my relationship forward with my crush?” This addresses the root of their concern and also applies the wisdom of point 2.

When in doubt or if you can't make your question specific, asking what advice you need to hear about the situation is good. This brings in overall helpful messages as opposed to limiting yourself to one aspect. It's also great when you want a topic read but don't have specific questions.

You are not powerless

Your question should not remove agency from your life!! Questions that frame life as something completely out of your control or provide an answer you can't take action on can be mentally harmful. It's helpful to ask about things we can affect, remaining grounded in reality and responsibility. These questions also fall into the trap of point 1; asking something from an unhelpful angle. Notice how the revised question in example 1 puts the querent in a place to take action if possible. Example:

Querent B has been insecure about many different things, from work to relationship. They're getting 2 questions read, "will my girlfriend and I break up?" and "will I ever get my dream job?" Both of these treat fate like a yes/no scenario instead of something you co-create. If the querent doesn't hear what they'd like, they'll feel worse off. These questions are also not specific— if the answers are yes, that could be tomorrow or in 65 years. Questions like, "what do I need to pay attention to in my relationship?" or, "what can I do to improve my chances for my dream job?" support the querent in working on their life.

It's important to think about what answers you may get. Questions you're not prepared to hear tough answers for are best left for when you're ready or rephrased. If we focus on ourselves as the writer instead of a character in a story, we get better readings and better outcomes in all things.

Don’t ask the same thing over and over in a short span of time.

"Some of y’all bout to be real mad at me, but it must be said-" Asking the same question repeatedly is a recipe for disaster! Put the cards down 💥💥🔫!

Tarot is an introspective tool; it works best when we look within ourselves and the symbolism for meaning. The more reflection, the more learned. When we repeatedly read the same question in a short time, we get hungry for answers but not learning. It’s like reading a book and never stopping to think about it.

Often, we redo readings in two main cases. One, we're confused. The nature of tarot is any card can offer a truth about anything. Sit with the cards, research their meanings within your topic. Break it down into elements or numerology, which you can look up. Sometimes we need refreshers or clarifiers, but this is more reasonable for say a second reading after digesting the first, and not 4+ in a couple weeks (assuming this is not a routine, like daily pulls). Doing a lot of readings can be great for learning tarot—when varied.

The second common case is not liking what the cards said. Some say their cards never refer to the question asked. They don't believe the cards pulled can be their answer, or they're new readers and don't know how to relate the cards to the topic. Some try and try again for positive answers like slot machines.

Overdoing readings is draining to mental health. As a buyer, it also makes you susceptible to scammers who tailor messages to what you want to hear. So, approach with an open mind and sit with answers before asking again. As a querent, ask your reader if they could explain some of their card interpretation if you're confused! You can post in tarot communities and ask for opinions or education. Every reader has their own style, so different interpretations are normal as long as you can trace a thought process! If you feel your deck is hard to personally interpret as a reader, you may need to try other decks or readings that connect with your intuition, but don't forget to learn basics as well!

Thank you for reading!—Tip Link  |  Paid Reading Info in Pinned Post!

[amrass]

Hello, hope you are doing well ^^ I love your writing a lot and just wondering how you manage to come up with many different fic ideas and manage them all?

Hi! I'm doing pretty alright, I hope you are well too. Thank you for the compliment and the interesting question! ☺️

Hmm, I'll split it in half to answer better, but the most important thing here is that I write ahead of publishing, so I know that I can relax and let creativity, writing and editing happen when I feel like it.

How I come up with ideas:

I think creativity needs to be cultivated partly separately from the act of writing and editing. Watching a wide variety of media also to identify and enjoy tropes I like is the best bet for having a steady flow of ideas for me. Daydreaming to music is nice. Walking, too. As it is, ideas spring to me suddenly and fast, and I like keeping them loose and atmospheric, until I "catch" them in writing. There's some kind of fishing metaphor there, reminds me how many times writer friends have recommended me Catching the Big Fish by David Lynch, which is supposed to help a lot with this.

A mistake I made when I was a younger writer was to 1. daydream too much about an idea and then 2. try to transcribe it. This is difficult. If the idea is too rigid, with too many notes and too much world building, I didn't enjoy actually writing it. Allowing the creation to exist within the writing itself (mentally remaining in each sentence as though what can come next still has the ability to surprise me) is better. Maybe unless one enjoys design more than art.

Tbh I write very few notes. Often just some words that make sense to me only. Or a link to a song. Or if a longfic, a mixtape.

How I manage ideas:

I love lists almost obsessively. So I keep a list of current projects, with completion status and potential publish dates. I write ahead, so I can take a break whenever but still post. This has helped me so much. 

I'll often complete what will be a twoshot in a short amount of time, but I'll space out when I publish them to have time to edit. Giving the first draft a resting period can enhance its quality, like putting a fresh branch in a drawer, waiting a while, then discovering that the leaves - the superfluous stuff - have rotted, ready to be plucked away, and it's easier to see the shape of the branch - the narrative - beneath.

I often keep a small section of my list with unfinished projects. If I write above 1K I almost always finish. If not, I move on. I have an ethos of "if I remember, it's good" re ideas but I know this does not work for everybody, especially not those with attention issues. I forget specific sentences and words though, so I write those down.

Disclaimer at the end that no writing advice works for everybody. I have been writing for years, though never daily, so what might seem like discipline is more habit and enjoyment.

Hmm, I think that's it. Thank you again for asking, and thank you to those who read! Sending you some good vibes 😎

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

Things that "allegedly" happened at the Aus tour that might have caused William to initiate the royal foundation split asap -

1. Jason stayed back in London at KP and did not accompany the couple to Australia. Quite a bit of the HnM staff went to Australia but point of contact the remained Jason in London. The harkle shenanigans were directly reported to Jason at KP during this time. And maybe Jason talked to William while Harry was away

2. Jessica accompanied Meghan as her stylist. But essentially Meghan and Jessica treated it as a holiday and wanted to do holiday stuff even though the couple's schedule was packed. Rumours are that Jessica/Meghan billed Clarence house for this styling expenses.

3. Meghan sort of sabotaged Invictus and wanted to be there with Harry at every Invictus appearance and give a speech as well. Harry in the end, ditched Invictus and only did a couple of appearances to give a speech. But did not meet with the organizers or the participants. While this is not related to RF or KP directly, it showed bad faith. Now we know they did mistreat David Beckham.

4. Jessica's husband Ben had also come over from Canada with a crew. This was done in the garb of covering invictus but rumours were that Meghan wanted to do an exclusive interview about her pregnancy. The staff put a stop to this. Seems like this was a similar arrangement to what the couple eventually did in SA with Bradby and the "no one asked if im okay" interview.

5. Meghan's people had kinda roped in Jaguar to be Invictus sponcers and arranged a Jaguar to be gifted to Ben as a thank you gift for the exclusive interview with the Canadian network. Staff got to know and put a stop to it becoming news. Rumours are that Ben then flew back, but still got the Jaguar.

6. Meghan did not like staying at the governor generals official residence. Esp since Jessica was with her. She wanted the whole house as opposed to a wing. Jason and the KP team had to sort that headache out and smooth it out with the Australian team. Meghan remained mad.

7. She had an argument with the Governor generals wife, allegedly over staff treatment. rumours are that Meghan used the F- word and rolled her eyes. Happened in front of KP and aus staff. This was pretty much a diplomatic incidence and BP+govt got involved.

8. She wanted to accompany Harry at every one of his solo engagements. This caused quite a bit of hassles last minute. They were late to nearly all their engagements.

9. The blood diamond earrings situation happened. She wore the earrings without letting the staff know. KP/London staff were told one thing and issued a statement but later were told by staff in Australia about the true provenance. From a diplomatic pov this was a very bad look but Meghan said she did not care.

10. Tea throwing incidence happened and tea allegedly spilled over one of her PAs. That PA was being bullied by Meghan for a while and decided to leave. She was paid and an iron clad NDA had to be signed. But this incidence became quite an big legal issue for KP and there was allegedly a super injunction about this.

11. Jason decided to officially forward the bullying complaint to Simon case, BP HR and CH in writing. And maybe talked to William because staff's mental health was at stake.

12. She walked out of the UN women engagement after 10min and berated her staff, while at the venue, for arranging this. She allegedly ripped her Amy and her female body guard a new one infront of everyone, including royal rota. Amy cried. And the female bodyguard handed in her resignation that day.

13. She allegedly skipped/ditched some engagements to go to a spa/resort with Jessica. This caused some embarrassment because a lot of people had put in a lot of time and efforts into making these happen- reporters, organizers, local authorities, security, attending public and staff were all left embarrassed.

14. She was merching throughout the tour. She had arranged for merching deals and freebies and the staff wasn't made aware. Ethically, this caused quite some problems for KP. Gifts were also accepted in Australia personally by the couple against staff advice.

15. The pricetag on one of her dresses was left on when she walked out of a plane. She was embarrassed and ripped into her assistant for that. That was a merch which went wrong for her.

16. The couple was rude to the royal rota throughout. Even though the rota had been previously briefed about the kind of coverage Meghan wanted. Jason had to frantically be smooth things over constantly from London to ensure positive coverage from the press.

17. At least 4 members of meghans staff handed in their notice while on tour. This got back to KP/William who felt they had to act asap.

18. The couple constantly rowed while in Australia, and staff was put in an impossible sandwich situation while dealing with two. Both H and M were constantly on social media checking commments and were issued that public was criticising Meghan. They constantly telling staff to cover social media and clab back, instead of doing actual work.

Thank you so much! I remembered it was a disaster, but I’d forgotten some of the details.

They also took some vacation days at a resort, and there were rumors it was a freebie. And she made that speech claiming she’d paid her way through Northwestern and her dad and sister clapped back at that.

It really was a nightmare. I smh whenever Harry claims his family was jealous about how well they did in Australia.

[velvetvexations]

Hi there! I'm a trans man who's been taking T for about 3 years now, and I wanted to share some insights for your friend.

1: About the risks of heart issues and other health concerns. Is there a risk? Yes. But it's the exact same amount of risk that AMABs are born with. I've noticed an elevated red blood cell count for me personally, but it's never been a dangerous amount and really just means it's a good idea for me to donate blood and share that extra!

2: In terms of the mental or emotional changes, it won't make you any more aggressive or emotional on its own. However, I notice when I don't take my T consistently that it does worsen my depression, so if you do start taking T make sure you take it when you're supposed to, and be aware if you decide to stop taking for a while that might affect your moods. Other than that, the biggest change to my mood was confidence. I wasn't as "quiet/shy" because I liked how I sounded when I spoke. I was more willing to go out and leave the house because I liked how I looked <3

3: The changes that come and how quickly they come are going to be different for everyone, but a good way to figure out how it will affect you is to consider your genetics and family medical history. For example, I was concerned about hair loss or a receded hairline, and was advised to look at the hair patterns of men on my mother's side of the family to get an idea of what that would look like.

4: Know that you have options, and never be afraid to advocate for yourself. Injections don't have to be your only option. I tried them for a year before deciding it wasn't right for me, that using the needles for myself was too anxiety inducing. So I switched to a daily gel I rub on my arms in the morning. There will be a plan that's right for your needs, your comfort, and your budget. I know it's scary asking these questions, but asking questions is the best way to find what's going to work for you!

Thank you! Here are some other anons who sent in about this:

Trans guy on T here, i get 1000mg of it injected intramuscularly by a nurse every 3 months, with regular blood tests to monitor it, as directed by both my regular GP and endocrinologist who authorised my prescription, iv been on HRT for over 4 years now. some info: - in my experience, my periods ceased entirely within a few months, i grew facial hair and more body hair, my voice dropped and experienced clitoral growth. some of these things are permenant and some would revert if i were to stop taking hormones. i have had no major (or even minor) health changes in this time but obviously if it happens it happens. - also about libido, iv always been asexual even before i started T so, nothing changed for me there. Again, im not some kind of difinitive trans guy, everyone will havw different results. Just keep in mind that sexuality is a spectrum and is fluid, as long as you remain respectful of your sexual and romantic partners and be mature, youre not going to become some kind of hypersexual monster. - taking masculanising hormones IS NOT effective birth control, if you have a functuoning uterus then you need to still practice safe sex. If you intend on having children, then you need to consider that if/when you begin treatment because it would be a notable factor in your success rate there. obviously by doing anything to effect your homones has its risks, you need to be careful about it, have regular checkups if you can. honestly i have no experience in self administering testosterone so i cant advise you do that, but if thats your only option then please make sure you do your own thorough research to ensure your safety. if youre taking masculanising hormones, everyones experience will differ as with any medication, but this has been proven for decades now to be an effective and safe treatment for gender dysphoria (honestly tho imo wanting to transition shouldn't nessesarily be pathologised like that). any risks may be present, but not more so than cis men. As long as youre taking care of your general health it shouldnt be a concern. this kind of shit gave me a bit of concern before i started hormones, so i get it, but doing a bit of research will quickly reveal that a lot of it is overblown and exaggerated by TERFs and other stupid pundits. If you're considering taking hormones of any kind, id reccomend seeking a general practitioner who is specifically knowledgeable about HRT, they will walk you through any associated risks and answer any questions you have before deciding if its the right option for you. good luck and be safe out there!

yooo velvet, 1000mg T guy again just adding some extra info i thought of - if you care about ur boobs then they might lose a little bit of "volume" i guess if you go on T, this is just part of fat redistribution, which can happen to some folk. medically this isnt a concern but for aesthetic reasons its relevant. - if ur into working out, you might find that you build muscle a lot easier, on the flipside you may find yourself with more of an appetite to control. so if you have issues or concerns in either of those departments then make sure you consider that too and figure out a plan. - honestly the worst risk for me personally is that i am now at risk of male pattern baldness i suppose. this doesn't happen to everyone and ur genetics will determine if it happens to you. theres lots of modern ways to retain your hair or prevent it from falling out too, and of course there are hairpieces or you could just own the cueball look too haha. (quick tip, if possible, check CIS MALE members of your family belonging to the MATERNAL half of your family tree, the gene for MPB is passed down your biological mother's side) - T can come in lots of forms if you dont like needles. you can get it in patches or pills too. Personally, i have no experience with these methods so youll need to look into it urself or ask ur doctor for help. you can also vary the dose of it too, you cant really pick and choose what effects you get by taking T but you can control their development to some extent. also of course if you decide after the fact that it isnt right for you, you can choose not to continue (bear in mind that some changes from T are "permenant", maybe ask some of your transfem friends for tips to overcome them, voice training, makeup tips, etc) basically though, dont take advice from people who have a political interest in silencing you. also im an anonymous voice on tumblr, dont take my word for this shit at face value. by all means use it as a jumping off point but make sure you look into it urself with research from credible sources and actual doctors who can attend to your needs personally. anecdotal from T users like myself are good but they shouldn't be your only source of info.

TMI but the only bad thing that happened to me cuz of T is my dick being unbearably itchy for a few days every so often

for that anon asking about T: i'm a trans guy whos been on T since 2019 and it did not cause unstable emotions in me at all. if anything, it made my emotions MORE stable because a lack of hormonal dysphoria meant that suddenly i was able to cope with the more unpleasant shit in life because i didnt have that background noise of hormonal dysphoria constantly making me a little bit miserable at all goddamn times. the idea that testosterone makes you unstable is just gender essentialist terf nonsense.

[mildlybizarrecorvid]

Okay SO

Strictly speaking, DeLorean isn’t a human. She’s what she herself calls a “projection of self”. That’s what happens when something has a consciousness, but not a brain to store it in - it gets “projected” outside of the thing itself. Also it’s completely immaterial, sadly.

(Why does she have a consciousness at all, or why is it humanlike, neither of us knows for sure. She thinks it’s because she was created by such a wide-eyed dreamer that he accidentally gave her a little more “self” than needed. And why she looks human - well, she had someone to base her mental image on, right?)

Because she technically doesn’t exist in a meaningful way, the movies aren’t affected at all. The moments when she shuts down or something - I incorporated them into the concept too!

For example, the moment in the first movie when the car breaks and Marty pleads it to go - I have two ways of seeing that:

1: “Kid, you can’t be serious. You STEAL me, you make me run out of plutonium, you hide me all alone behind that ugly billboard, you put this THING on my back - and now you want me to get struck by LIGHTNING. You know what? Screw you, that’s what! Not going anywhere, no. You got us into this, you get us out, not my problem.

…alright, now you’re whining. Oh man. Okay, okay, FINE. Let’s go.”

2: “You know what I realized, kid? If I move right now we’ll be faster than the lightning. We’ll drive on, and then the lightning will strike, and bye-bye 1985. We gotta wait. Just a little bit… just a little more… quit whining, kid, it’s almost over, I’ll start right… NOW!”

Both of them are in character, I think.

She starts having… emotional issues starting with the second movie (“I’ll destroy the time machine”, anyone? Her beloved creator saying he regrets making her? No?), but stuffs them down, because her creator and his only two friends (one of whom is a dog) need her, she can’t be weak! So she’s chipper all the way, even though Doc and Marty can’t see nor hear her, she’s gotta be cool! She’s the coolest DeLorean in the world!

The whole third movie she thinks “I’ll die soon”. Half because she knows that Doc regrets making her, half because she’s spent seventy years in a cave, had her fuel tank broken, her injector (?) blown out… poor girl was so weak then, she probably WISHED to die. Although she probably had some time-machine intuition too. I dunno.

And now for the ending… right, so she sees the train, and the realization hits her even before it. That moment where Marty tries to exit the car and manages to do so in the last goddamn second? She didn’t want to die alone, man!

At the moment of the impact, the projection just evaporates. Into small pieces of immaterial energy. The time circuits shut down. The end.

Or?

See, the time train was not only made by Doc, but by Clara as well. Only fair that something made by TWO wide-eyed dreamers would also have a projection of self!

Cue the ending scene, Marty and Jennifer reunite with the Browns, yours truly cries ugly tears… and at the same time, a dapper young bloke in a dainty top hat runs towards the remains of DeLorean and kneels down, pleading her to wake up, because “something must’ve remained!” He has to be quick, because projections can’t be far from their real forms, but he’s still trying.

Until he hears a faint “who’s that?”

The small pieces of energy. His presence - hell, his EXISTENCE, proof that Emmett Lathrop “Doc” Brown is still the same he was - triggered some memories. As a result, in the bloke’s hand, there’s a faintly pearlescent little blob of silvery energy.

It needs to be nurtured back.

The Browns have to depart soon, so he snatches her in the least dignified way possible and runs off to the train.

“I’m taking you,” he mutters, “for now!”

“Where to?”

He looks at Doc and Marty and lets out a short laugh.

“Back to the future… maybe.”

And next time the train visits 1985, there’s a white-haired girl aboard.

Very fun to see your thoughts

[covid-safer-hotties]

What We Know About Covid’s Impact on Your Brain - Published Sept 13, 2024

By Jason Gale

Scientists are worried that persisting cognitive issues may signal a coming surge of dementia and other mental conditions

Many of Covid’s earliest and most alarming effects involve the brain, including a lost sense of smell, sluggish thinking, headaches, delirium and strokes. More than four years after the pandemic began, researchers are recognizing the profound impacts Covid can have on brain health, as millions of survivors suffer from persistent issues such as brain fog, depression and cognitive slowing, all of which hinder their ability to work and otherwise function. Scientists now worry that these symptoms may be early indicators of a coming surge in dementia and other mental conditions, prolonging the pandemic’s societal, economic and health burden.

What Studies Show In 2021, UK researchers reported early results from a study comparing brain scans taken before and after the pandemic began. They discovered signs of damage and accelerated aging in the brain, particularly in the region responsible for smell, even in patients who had experienced mostly mild cases of Covid months earlier.

How Does Covid-19 Impact the Brain? Research has since shown that Covid-related cognitive deficits can persist for years, especially in older adults and those who suffered more severe cases. For instance, a study of seniors hospitalized during China’s first Covid wave showed that 2 1/2 years later, 40% developed cognitive impairment, compared with just 14% of their uninfected spouses. A 2024 UK study of people hospitalized for Covid treatment revealed a significant worsening of psychiatric and cognitive symptoms three years after discharge. Half experienced moderate to severe depression, a quarter suffered severe cognitive decline, and one in nine showed a loss of mental function equivalent to a 30-point drop on the IQ scale, where a score of 100 is average.

For patients already battling Alzheimer’s disease, Covid can exacerbate brain inflammation, damage immune cells, and accelerate the memory-robbing disease itself, studies indicate. Even previously healthy older adults face an increased risk of cognitive impairment and new-onset dementia after infection. Mild Covid cases in younger adults have also been linked to brain issues affecting memory and thinking. These symptoms may be permanent but typically fluctuate and tend to worsen after physical or mental exertion, often impairing the ability of individuals to work and socialize.

Younger Americans Report More Cognitive Disability A February study of nearly 113,000 people found greater deficits in memory and executive function among people who had been infected at some point compared with those who had never had the SARS-CoV-2 virus. Those struck later in the pandemic had smaller deficits compared with those infected with the original strain or the alpha variant, the first new version of the virus to come to researchers’ attention. The study also noted a slight cognitive benefit for people who received two or more vaccinations.

Even mild cases of Covid led to cognitive decline, equivalent to an average 3-point drop in IQ. For those with unresolved symptoms such as persistent shortness of breath or fatigue, the decline amounted to a 6-point decrease in IQ.

Some evidence suggests the infection may increase the risk of Parkinson’s disease. This link is supported by the rise in cases of parkinsonism — a collection of symptoms such as tremors, slow movement, stiffness and balance issues — following Covid.

How Covid Harms the Brain The effects of a SARS-CoV-2 infection on the brain are the focus of intense research and remain only partially understood. Studies suggest that during acute infection, the virus may damage nerves, particularly in the olfactory bulb — which houses the nerves that transmit smell impulses to the brain — leading to problems that can persist for years. In some cases, the virus may infect the brain through this pathway, altering the organ’s structure and resulting in impaired cognition and fatigue.

Persistent viral remnants or the initial infection itself may trigger neuroinflammation and disrupt the immune system, causing antibodies and T cells to mistakenly attack healthy brain cells, damage blood vessels, and harm the blood-brain barrier. Additional research points to blood clots that may drive immune activation, restricting the supply of oxygen and nutrients to the brain, and altered levels of key hormones cortisol and dopamine that may be linked to changes in gut health.

Possible Economic Impact While the long-term effects of Covid on conditions such as Parkinson’s disease and dementia remain uncertain, the stakes are high. These are both lifelong, incurable, progressive illnesses with a profound societal impact, affecting not only those diagnosed but also their families, caregivers, and the broader healthcare system.

Already, there are significant economic repercussions globally from the enduring prevalence of long Covid, a loosely defined umbrella term to describe new, returning or ongoing health problems of varying severity that occur after a case of SARS-CoV-2 infection. By the end of 2023, long Covid had affected an estimated 400 million people worldwide. Analysts have put the annual economic toll at between $864 billion to $1.04 trillion in developed nations alone – roughly 1% of the global economy. Much of the impact arises from the ongoing disability and illness experienced by sufferers, with persistent fatigue and concentration problems among the most common.