#And one of them (studying biology) is fucking ruining my health and the other (going to mrtal concerts) i can barely ever do bc of the 1st

[cripplecryptid]

I am absolutely losing it. LOSING it

[rrxnjun]

I ACTUALLY YELLED SEEING LIEBESTRAUM WAHHHHH;-;-;;-;-;-;-;; THANK U SO MUCH FOR WRITING IT I CANT WAIT TILL JUNE;-;;-;-; i cannottttt tell u how happy u actually made me with that wahhdhfjf

OOO MAN☹️☹️I HOPE UR MENTAL HEALTH WILL GET BETTER!!!! AND U DONT SUCK!!! TAKE UR TIME WITH IT u shouldn't listen to them when ur not in the mood for them it will deff ruin the vibes so take all the time u need!!!!

i agree with that the only good noise music i listen to now is all from nct and when i hear other bgs' i'm just😟😟😟 IM SURE HE WAS AMAZING CUZ ALL OF THEM WERE🤌🤌 the song genuinely slaps so i'm not surprised if it makes it in there

well idk people said i study a lot so i just accepted the fact but i never feel prepared enough so;-; tbh the percentage is lower just to pass💀 but i need the plus point for uni and that's the limit for getting it but yeah i feel like it shows that hungary does not go for making people smarter lmao💀 I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE POINT LIMITS FOR GETTING INTO UNI wahhh the whole thing is dumb🫠 thank u!!!! i have three more speaking exams so i'm shitting my pants rn😃OH NO☹️ i hope u passed the second one exams suck so i hope it didn't hit u hard!!!! GOOD LUCK WITH THEM!!! IM SURE U WILL DO GOOD ON THEM!! MANIFESTING SO HARD!!!! I HOPE U ARE DOING WELL AND ARE TAKING CARE OF URSELF!!!! (liebestraum anon💓💕)

(the review reply: art sucks for that reason sm;-; but i deff learned after a few times of that happening with me as well to just sleep on it and throw it out after but it still amuses me how can art have this effect in a way (idk how to explain what i mean rip) AND THANK U FOR NOT HATING IT U JUST MADE ME THE HAPPIEST PERSON ISTG!!!)

IM REPLYING TO THIS ASK LITERALLY SO LATE THAT THE FIC IS DROPPING TOMORROW LMAO ADJSK i have to warn u tho its quite different to the original draft i had and the teaser i posted from it 😶😶 hope you still end up liking it !!!

SJSJ thank you thank you 😔😔 you are always so sweet and understanding ily mwah.

nct noise is the only good noise in kpop. there i said it. 😶 (this is a joke there are a few more good noise songs from diff groups pls dont jump me im targeting one fandom in specific w this yes) like nct could do any of your favs songs but could your favs do sticker? no. thats right.😌 AHHH im glad u liked my babies cix i was told by spotify that they are my top listened to artist of the last 4 weeks so. 😃 yeah. they also had a comeback like 2 days ago if u wanna check that out cough cough

if people tell u that, its probably true AHAHA 😭😭 me and my friend were talking the other day like i dont even study that much like i get to the 2 hour mark and i go well 🤷‍♀️ thats it for the day ig. like i dont have any more brain capacity LMAO. Oooh i do get you w the uni points stuff!! me being a straight A student was what got me into uni too bc switching from business hs to psychology was actually kind of insane coming from me LMAOOO i had no bonus points from biology or anything so my grades helped a TON since i fucked up the entrance exam too lol 😭😭😭 im rooting for you !!!! I feel like slovakia doesnt really care abt that either ?? there are definitely better and worse unis tho and i unfortunately attend the one thats one of the best so they kinda care..😔 SPEAKING EXAMS ARE THE WORST THEY SHOULD BE CANCELLED LIKE THATS 3 TIMES THE STRESS U HAVE WHEN TAKING A WRITTEN ONE. i hate those sm omg i am PRAYING for you (i have only one speaking one this semester and i am mentally preparing for it for the last few weeks) i actually passed the second try (with an E, but i still did it....) and i have another exam w the same professor this friday so..🤞

i am trying to learn how to be patient w art (and life) so it prevents me tearing everything out and throwing it out.....so you are right abt that AHAHA thats a good advice to take

as always i hope youre doing good, taking care of yourself and having a good time!! mwah

[hquirks]

Karasuno & College AU Pt. 1

School: Karasuno

Genre: headcanons, fluff, crack, slice of life 

Warnings: mental health breakdowns 

A/N: This is a Haikyuu!! Headcanon where the Karasuno first years attend the same college and experience their first semester. This is written under the assumption that they attend a Japanese college that follows an American college system. Lastly, most of these headcanons were based on our own personal experiences in college and from our friends.

Disclaimer: This is very...long LMAO. We’ve been working on this for the past 2 weeks on and off. We just had a lot of feelings but we had so much fun! We’re sorry but we hope you enjoy!!

By: Noodle ✨, BananaMilk 🐯, & FriedOmurice 🌊

HINATA SHOYO

Sports Communication Major

Gets scouted by a university’s volleyball team for either middle blocker/winged spiker

Procrastinates so HARD like does his essay that’s due at 8 am the night before. He PASSES his classes especially the ones for his major and what he is randomly interested in but he is still a mess when it comes to studying.

Though Hinata would be the person you see openly crying out of sadness and doom at 1am in the library

While he has gotten better in taking care of his body, however like any college student, he lives on redbull and coffee especially during finals. 

Tries to not pull all nighters but will due to his procrastination and inability to get work done efficiently

Lives in the same dorm building as Kageyama but on different floors. They burst into each other’s rooms unannounced all the time since they’ve established long ago that they are best friends and do not give a fuck. They banter with each other 24/7 (their respective roommates have grown immune to their loudness and bickering.)

Hinata’s roommate is Inouka from Nekoma!! They both get along really well and are able to live well together so they stay roommates the rest of the years in college. Hinata is a little messier than Inuoka but he keeps his messes to his side that Inuoka never minds.

Their apartment is super wholesome bc since they’re always encouraging each other, they leave little notes like “You got this!!”, “Good luck on your exam!” or “You’re amazing and awesome! Don’t forget it!” Also, the apartment just looks really homey, very lived in.

He becomes kinda popular at school because he just ends up befriending all his classmates (and is even closer to the people in his major) and also because of being on the volleyball team!! Hinata gets recognized everywhere even when he’s off campus and everyone says hi to him, and he never minds.

As a freshman, he attends all of the freshman events and all the free events that happen every day Friday!!!! His favorite Friday event is when they get to stuff an animal (either their school mascot or another animal) and are able to dress it up and keep it! (His favorite is an owl dressed like a volleyball player that he named Little Giant)

Tries to get involved with other clubs but because of volleyball and his inability to juggle more than 3 things, he doesn’t (but still ends up becoming friends with the people in the club bc they think he’s so friendly and fun)

Ends up going to a lot of events held by the clubs he’s befriended! He kinda of becomes a recruiter for the clubs because if he finds someone who talks about an interest, he recommends them one of the clubs. (The clubs are forever grateful because they always get an influx of people during fall semester every year.)

His first semester grades consists of:

- The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): C+ - Japanese Literature: C - Sports Media and Society: B - Principles of Sports Reporting: A - Biology 1: C-

Hinata has a breakdown about his grades because he does not want to lose his starting spot on the volleyball team. However, he improves much more due to the help of his friends like Yachi and Inuoka the next semester.

KAGEYAMA TOBIO

Sports therapy

Also gets scouted as a setter by the same university as Hinata

Since Hinata is adamant about attending all the freshman events and free events the campus offers every Friday, he eventually gets pulled into going with Hinata even though he doesn’t want to. 

Thanks to Karasuno and Hinata, he has softened over the years and has learned to be more sociable with others, but he still prefers to hang out with the first years squad and is still a quiet person. 

In their first dorm year, Kunimi and Kindaichi were planning to room together & they were looking for a third roommate, and Kageyama was assigned to their room

They eventually grow mutual respect towards each other

His grades are better than when he was in high school because he actually likes his classes, but he still sucks at general education subjects

He lives on coffee and 5 hour energies to get through finals. He has to cut down on the 5 hour energies because he ends up not sleeping for 3 days straight and he starts to get worried.

Kageyama eventually caves in and tries to join other clubs that do not revolve around volleyball thanks to his friends. Somehow, and the first year squad is still confused as to how, he grew to love the cooking club and he gets really excited whenever they’re trying out a new dish! (He also thinks that as an athlete knowing how to cook and take care of his body is crucial). 

One day when they’re hanging out at Yamaguchi and Tsukki’s apartment, he cooks for them a recipe he learned from the club. The others are really apprehensive at first to taste it, but are genuinely so surprised that it actually tasted REALLY good and immediately start showering him compliments and yelling. Kageyama’s brain goes mush and all he can say is HINATA BOKE(Hinata: WHAT??? I was complimenting you and I wasn’t the only one, Bakageyama!!) 

Besides going on his daily runs, he will also find time to go to the gym early in the mornings. He brings Hinata along with him and they just end up competing at the gym. They become regulars and befriend the front desk people and the security guards.

Because of how popular and good-looking he is, he ends up developing a fan club but doesn’t know about it until one day Tsukki points it out. It’s right after midterms in their 1st year and all five are out to eat. Tsukki’s gets annoyed because there’s just been a hoard of girls (& guys) following them in the restaurant.

Tsukki: can you tell your fanclub to leave us alone?

Kags: ...my what???

Tsukki, unimpressed but not surprised:....

Hinata points out that he has a fanclub like the Great King and Kageyama just blanches...he wants to be like Oikawa but not like this LMFAO

Kageyama’s first semester grades:

- The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): C+ - Principles of sports therapy A+ - General Japanese 1 C- - Calculus 1 B+ - Ethical Issues in Sport A-

TSUKISHIMA KEI

World History major (Honors Program)

Very orderly with his course plans (LEARNING CURVE WHO??)

The guy who plans his week ahead and actually diligently studies. Since Tsukki is BUSY all the time in college, his planner is DETAILED and NEAT. He carries it with him all the time in his backpack or pocket since it is so small and portable. If needed whenever his plans do change, he would carry small sticky notes to plan it out on the spot and make sure everything goes smoothly still. Plus he hates it when it looks messy so sticky notes are a must.

Doesn’t usually go to events on his own willpower. He usually gets dragged into events by his upperclassmen (Kuroo and Bokuto) or Yamaguchi begs to go with him because he doesn’t want to go alone. 

Enjoys going to the college’s on-campus museums during his spare time. He visits seasonally since the museums change up one exhibit every few month dedicated to a certain event or artist. His favorite is the art museum because it’s quiet and calming. (Also, he’s undisturbed by the others...)

Doesn’t want to be the group manager but becomes one anyway because he just can’t watch others “ruin” his grade. 

Has some university credits already from his AP classes / dual enrollment so he’s already finished with some general education requirements but still needs a few more. 

He can actually graduate a semester early BUT decides against it because his apartment lease goes through the next semester and doesn’t want to be bothered with finding someone else to take his spot. (He won’t admit it but he would kinda sorta miss the 4 idiots...)

Sometimes he forgets to eat (Yamaguchi usually reminds him plus they end up going to lunch together too). Often buys starbucks sandwiches on the way to class.

He has his own starbucks cup. He always drinks the same thing, so the workers remember his face and order. Sometimes they make his order ahead of time because they know. Loves their chocolate croissants. 

That bitch who drinks BLACK coffee every morning for enjoyment!!! He also drinks espresso for necessity during finals

Arrives to class early so he can get the really nice seat in the back and doesn’t want to sit next to anyone

In class discussions, Tsukki is a classic smartass. He will not hesitate to give out his opinion and often plays devil's advocate for the class.

He doesn’t join the school official volleyball team, but joins the volleyball club instead because he has to juggle between being in the honors program, being a research assistant, and playing volleyball

Doesn’t want to admit it, but still supports the boys at the official volleyball team. Goes to almost every game in disguise.

Tsukki’s first semester grades:

- The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): A- - European History and Culture A+ - History Research Seminar: A+ - Crime and Punishment in Japanese History: A+ - Empires, Nationalism, and Revolution: A+ 

Won’t say it, but is actually pretty upset that he got a A- in Coming of Individuality

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI

He majors in psychology and minors in business administration. 

Knows where all the university gardens are and has a favorite spot when he studies sometimes if he wants some fresh air.

In continuation, he knows and goes to all the nice trails and parks around the city. He tries to go when he cans and he often brings the other first years when they all have the time. (Everyone except Tsukki enjoys it...but Tsukki grows to love it as well.)

Yamaguchi and Yachi go together to pet the therapy dogs every Friday by the library and cry from the cuteness and love they receive. They have a favorite dog that is a shiba inu named Mizu who is the ABSOLUTE sweets and gets so many belly rubs from these two.

Yamaguchi works at a boba place to cover his loans. The first-year squad comes over often to study and hang out with him (really though they tease/play around with him). He is a STAR employee, having been there most of his 4 years and is employee of the month frequently. Knows the regulars’ orders by heart and is doted on the little old lady who comes in with her dog every Sunday morning.

He LOVES all the good food. He knows all the low key, hole-in-the-wall places that DELIVER on food. His favorite food is teriyaki chicken. It’s basic but also HAS to be quality chicken and chicken.

When Yamaguchi wants to cry from the stress of doing SOOOOOO MUCH (school, job, research assistant, and psychology club), he goes to the psychology building because it’s colder and has fewer people. He discovered a spot there that no one ever goes to and cries there. 

He actually found his mentor/ researcher boss who was a psychology professor and researcher who saw him one day and asked if he was okay.

He joins the psychology club and gets so involved!! He does the mentor/mentee program and because he loves helping people so much, he ends up having so many mentees and even adopting a few who get abandoned

Even though he’s already busy, he actually becomes secretary this 2nd year, VP 3rd year, and then president his last year!

Yamaguchi does NOT do coffee, but he loves tea and anything relating to tea. His favorite boba flavor is matcha green tea. 

Because of this, he becomes obsessed with matcha in general and will get matcha flavored anything

Yamaguchi and Tsukki are roomies (duh). People don’t get why they live together with their opposite personalities, but they eventually see why 

Yamaguchi first semester grades: 

- Psychology of Personality: A+ - The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): A- - Social Psychology: A+ - Introduction to Statistics 1: B- - Introduction to Finance: B

Has always been a good student and works hard for his grades but his first semester grades suffer a little(freaks out about his B’s) because of all the stuff he has on his plate, however, he learns to handle it better and understands that a B is still okay!! 

YACHI HITOKA

Graphic Design Major

Binge-buys Shein and YesStyle Clothes the first week

This QUEEN has taken every self defense lesson she could get her hands on and bought herself pepper spray as well. Even though the boys felt they were fine, she gave them pepper spray to put in their bags(practically shoved it in their bags because she wants them to be safe too)

She gets a lot of compliments for her cat keychain from others, but none of them really know that the keychain can be used for self defense and Yachi bought it because it was cute and effective. 

Her campus has a building for all of the student life and activities and there’s a small bowling alley. Lemme tell you, she’s a serious bowler; like her scores are always in the triple digits. She goes every Wednesday religiously all four years (except during midterms and finals week) because it’s half priced.

OFC she joins the bowling club and competes throughout her college years. Y’all already know she’s winning the medals. 

THE QUEEN OF SAVING MONEY AND COUPONING!! She will always snag the free, semesterly coupon book in the plaza when they give them out. She ends up grabbing 4 (2 for her and 2 for her roommate)

Yachi LOVES sweets so when she’s feeling stressed, she usually eats sweet things or cries and if she’s REALLY stressed she’ll do both. Her best friends are her tears, a tub of chocolate ice cream, and videos of animals(cats, dogs, pandas mostly but cats are her fav mostly) plus tiny food cooking to make her feel better.

In clubs that she joins, she often becomes the multimedia chair and everyone loves her designs and ideas!! 

She interns during her 3rd year as a local business where they use her design as the new logo for the company!! Because of how well the design was, she ends up catching the eye of a major company (one she’s been looking at for a while) and they offer her a job after graduation!!

The boys are super proud of her and surprise her with a congratulations party for her success!! The boys are tearing up at how much Yachi has grown as a person(imagine Kiyoko when she presented Karasuno with the team flag and all the second and third year boys CRIED. That’s what happens basically) 

Yachi’s first semester grades: 

- The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): A+ - Perceptual drawing: A+ - Typography: A+ - Principles of Art History 1:B+ - Introduction to Statistics: A+ 

Yachi is SMART and has great grades, but her anxiety affects her when she’s dealing with big projects for her classes. She eventually gets better every semester and learns to manage her anxiety when it comes to big assignments! Bottom line, she evolves to be a BOSS. 

FIRST YEARS’ SHENANIGANS (FIRST YEARS)

Coming of Individuality: freshman required course

- Hinata, Yachi, and Yamaguchi agree to be in the same class Hinata convinces Kageyama to take the course with him

- Yamaguchi asks Tsukki to take the course with him and Yachi, which he agrees, but Tsukki doesn’t know that Hinata and Kageyama are also there

Plants Drops!

- Every 3rd Thursday of the month, the gardening club has a plant drop where they give out plants for free in their campus’ plaza

- So, Yachi and Yamaguchi are the first ones to find out about it, and end up dragging the other 3 to go with them

- Tsukki thought he would hate it but he got this little cactus that he’s kept alive all four years and brings it with him when he graduates into his new apartment - Hinata tries to keep the plants alive but ends up forgetting about them so he has to opt for cacti only; though, he does end up keeping one plant alive for the rest of the semester but forgets about it when he goes home and leaves it in the dorm - Kageyama ends up keeping two plants alive, both little ferns, and names them banana and strawberry (his favorite milks) They still go every 3rd Thursday even if they have plants because it gives them an opportunity to see each other if they have been busy

Yamaguchi and Tsukki’s place

- The undisputed hangout place for the first year squad (Tsukki worries that Kags and Hinata will break something every time they come over) since it is so close to campus.  - They often come over in between classes to chill and eat their food in peace while watching Netflix or playing Mario Kart or Super Smash together.

MANDATED (Tsukki didn’t want this but the others wanted this to happen) first-year lunch hangout

- Every Friday at exactly 11:15am, the first-year squad would eat lunch together at a local food stand on their campus called Tikis to catch up for the week.  - They chose Friday because they tried all the other days and decided collectively that Fridays were the best.  - The food stand usually sells a variety of food (usually soul food) and switch it up every week but it has some of the BEST food on campus (& even the city) - Without a doubt, the first-year squad ALWAYS make sure to leave space for their mandated Tikis lunch when doing their schedules every semester. No excuses. 

[pennylogue]

thoughts on “growing pains”

yeah, a week late XD but this episode was way too important for me to say nothing.

You can draw a lot of conclusions about why Steven has become so isolated from the gems and Greg, and why the Gems haven’t confronted him about any of his powers going awry, and it’s honestly probably a lot of factors at once…but his conversation with Greg at the beginning of the episode really says just about everything that needs to be said on his end. It’s reflexive at this point. He never wanted to be a burden on the Gems became a habit—he never wants to be a burden or anyone. Even when he should be. Or when he’s being short-sighted about how putting off addressing his issues is just going to make them even harder to deal with down the road.

Still, it’s so heartening that connie makes him go to the hospital. It’s really a solution that’s uniquely hers, something none of his other friends or family would have thought of.

I know very few people care about Steven having a confirmed height (of five foot six), but I care and I am happy. Give me this.

Tbh, hybrid biology is my jam to the point where I didn’t want to get my hopes up for an episode that literally promised to be about examining Steven’s biology. SU has been so obfuscatory about studying Gems that it seemed like this could be bait. But the Gems’ x-rays were so fun, I was on the edge of my seat going into Steven’s x-ray--

And you know, when I said I wanted hybrid biology facts…yeah, that was a monkey’s paw there. I am so fucking impressed with this episode, and how elegantly it found a way to lead into mental trauma from physical trauma. It’s a perfect representation of his problems—wounds that healed too invisibly for anyone to notice, but the strain of the wound was always there. It was just unnoticed. It really gets across everything it’s trying to say in such a simple and easy-to-understand way. Steven always seemed invincible. He just wasn’t.

God, that scene. The way it focused on how even the weird-toned s1a episodes contributed, used that to simultaneously put the events of 1a and later episodes into another light. I’ll admit it—I diagnosed the pink glow wrong. I didn’t know what it was, but I didn’t think it was literal ptsd. 

See, I didn’t expect the show to directly blame the overarching pattern of trauma Steven experienced for his actions, because it seemed to be taking it’s time, exploring each aspect of Steven’s problems through different lenses. He’s lost and without purpose after fixing everything, so he falls back on habits of being useful, trying to help people--but for some reason, that’s not working as well as it used to. He keeps hurting people. He keeps messing up. Everyone seems to be moving on, but he can’t. So he’s angry. So he’s confused. So he’s upset. So he feels even more out of control, and reaches to control even more—and inevitably lashes out because of everything he’s bottling up. Again and again, he tries to forge ahead, only to find he’s tripping himself up. It seems to be a spiral, growing from the stress of his mid-life crisis, his numerous issues (Rose just one among them), the way his upbringing has left him without the tools to really transition stages of his life. 

I think I was expecting some sort of fantastical metaphor. It wasn’t going to be one thing, it was going to be everything crashing down combined, making him more and more stressed, until he snapped and blew something up (I was never a huge fan of corruption), and the rest of the show would be helping Steven and picking up the pieces. Steven has so many issues, so many problems, and it was very, very distracting to focus on all of those and so very easy to miss the forest for the trees. There seemed to be such a surplus of “whys” that their overwhelming nature was self-evident. How could someone possibly function with so many issues?

So, why is Steven acting this way? 

Because X and Y and Z and CYM. 

Oh, you mean the pattern of traumatic events he’s been through.

Right.

That have caused CPTSD.

...HOLY SHI--

There are so many stand-out lines in this episode, but: “My body, it’s reacting like it’s the end of the world. I think I’ve seen the world almost end so many times now that everything that goes wrong feels that…extreme.....How do I live life when it always feels like I’m about to die?!”

That hits hard. It’s real. A lot of people struggle with that every day. It’s so brutal and so bleak, and it’s hard to hear.

And it’s even harder to hear it coming from Steven. Steven, a kid who we have been through so much with, and who is still so heartbreakingly young. Even though he’s always been the viewpoint character, Steven’s range of maturity and behavior, depending on the situation, have always kind of made it hard to nail down his exact psyche. I mean, never tells you how much of his early behavior is genuine and how much of it is him trying to make the Gems laugh--you just sort of figure that out at some point, maybe as late as “Familiar”, and go oh. 

So to hear that kid who, to some extent, is always gonna be that sweet little boy to us, to have him straight-up say that he feels like he’s always about to die, to know he means it, that that’s what been going, that that’s been buried inside of him for who knows how long--that this was the price all of his victories, the secret fact that he’d ruined his health in every way possible--

--yeah, it hits hard.

“Growing Pains” is really an episode that’s effective not just because, obviously, of all of SU, but all of SUF. For the last dozen episodes, Steven has been fruitlessly asking “why”, over and over. Why is he so angry? Why is he so lost? Why does he feel all of these things?

The answer to this question isn’t a flood of endless problems--It uses the entirety of SU and SUF to balance the weight of it’s precise strike, because rebecca knew exactly what she was doing here. The reason this episode feels like a reveal we always kind of knew was because that…well, diagnosing mental health disorders is about recognizing a pattern of symptoms and behaviors.

So what has SUF been doing? It’s been tracing that pattern. 

In other news,iIt does freak me out that corruption theory has actual concrete evidence at this point. I’ve never been a fan, but that glowing happened and I just went…WELP. “I Am My Monster” certainly didn’t help.

I do feel bad for Connie, and I really am glad she hopefully has the maturity to not blame any of this on herself, because she’s done literally everything she could--up to and including getting Steven to go to a hospital and calling Greg well in advance of when she knew he would likely be needed--and none of this is on her. Still, here we go. Here’s the ugly side of emotional repression. It’s gotta go somewhere, and when it comes out—it comes out in ways you’re going to regret later. Obviously, having Steven’s issues just make that way, way worse. Still, they always try to treat each other with care and respect, no matter how bad things get, and that’s something really wonderful.

And one final note, concerning Greg:

A lot of people have been digging into Greg’s reasons for never taking him to a doctor, defending him by saying he was too poor to afford it or calling him out, but tbh, I like fanfoolishness’s take on it the most. He hadn’t thought he could take Steven to a normal doctor without consequences early on, and later—well, his baby was half magic. He probably thought Steven would be fine, and there a lot of other things to worry about. Not great, but it’s understandable, and dude’s not perfect.

Speaking of which: Greg is an A+ dad, I adore him, I love him to death, and he fucked up. He fucked up big time, in the way that every parent is going to, because no parent is perfect--even the ones that do their best, like him, are going to have massive blindspots. Insecurities about his inadequacy and unimportance compared to the Crystal Gems and their mission likely led to him nodding along to what was probably the Gem’s ideas of how to go about training Steven. 

He didn’t want to get underfoot. He didn’t want to get in the way. He didn’t want to give bad advice, because he’s not good with Gem stuff, and it honestly makes him pretty uncomfortable these days, with everything that’s happened since Rose. In fact, him having as little to do with Gem stuff as possible is probably what was best for Steven--right? 

And he never really thought about how his implicit rejection of an integral part of Steven would affect Steven. He toughed it out, the loneliness, telling himself it was for Steven’s own good...

What I’m getting at is that I’ve been hoping for a Greg character arc for ages, and Future seems like a great time for it. Better late than never. And honestly, I can’t wait to see how Greg’s attempts to parent Steven go.

[bedbellyandbeyond]

Azeros

(Story Post, New Character)

They didn’t waste time after breakfast getting ready for the ritual. There were pearl coloured robes for the humans to wear but Dusty and Köbi were expected to be in their true forms (or at least truest form with out blinding the others). In their true forms however, they both had wings and took up a lot of space. They had to tuck their wings very close as they were packed into the elevator, both not wanting to touch wings as well and limiting their space even more for it. Dante was blowing feathers out of his face as he waited to see what floor Sydryn chose.

They chose the ninth floor, the very top of the whole complex. It took only moments for them to be lifted up there and then the doors were opening again. What they saw then didn't even make sense for the layout of the building. They were entering what appeared to be an enormous cathedral. Gold gilded the walls and ceiling. Niches held statues of various divine creatures and prophets. To call it a cathedral would greatly diminish the intersectionality of it all as it appeared that religious symbolism from all corners of the world had a place here. Decorated prayer mats adorned the floor, a Shinto arch framed the way in from the elevator, and a bronze font sat on the side of the entrance. There were other forms of symbolism the party had never seen before and too many to list. A figure dressed in black, white and gold robes, with alabaster skin and golden horns, swept towards them and bowed, golden jewellery dangling from their neck. It was quite clear that this dragon hoarded religion. Sydryn was immediately disgusted by the sight of their peer. They scowled at them as they approached but stepped forward to greet them. “Azeros,” Sydryn addressed. “We've come to use your space.” “What kind of greeting is that to your superior?” Azeros said, getting even closer to Syd and taking their arm. “Good morning. Blessed be the day.” Sydryn was clearly using everything in their power not to spit in the face of this dragon. “Good morning.” “Please. Do you really want to carry that negativity to our offspring?” Azeros asked, placing a hand on Sydryn's stomach. The doctor immediately snapped and grabbed Azeros's arm, twisting it backwards. “Don't you ever touch me.” Azeros groaned in pain and pulled their arm away when Sydryn's grip eased. “You haven’t introduced me to your companions.” Sydryn glowered and pointed between Ruben and Dante. “That one's the lover and that one's the bonded. You can determine the rest.” Azeros rolled their eyes and pushed past Sydryn to their visitors. Köbi was absolutely over the moon in this great hall of religious symbols and artefacts. Dusty was very much the opposite. “Angel, welcome,” Azeros said eyeing Köbi in an almost lustful manner. “It is an honour to have you here in my domain.” Köbi beamed. “Your collection is very impressive. I feel like I'm in...well. If I can't say in front of the humans...” Dante and Ruben both looked at him curiously. “I understand,” Azeros said. “Make yourself at home here.” They moved on to Dusty. “You are also very welcome here. There are many religions who worship the demon. Perhaps after the unbinding, you would chose to stay with me. Both of you.” “Not in your wildest dreams,” Dusty stated glaring at the dragon. “There's no way I'd even consider having a sleepover with someone Syd clearly hates so much.” Köbi didn’t say anything, clearly considering the option. Azeros chuckled. “Sydryn loves me. Our fates have always been intertwined.” “I couldn't loathe you more,” Sydryn stated. “And you think talking to me like that will allow you to use my home?” Azeros asked. “No.” Sydryn looked up at the other. “I know carrying your eggs inside me gives me the right to use your home.” “Now, now...” Azeros withdrew a bit. “You know we all agreed long ago on repopulation terms. You're not the only pregnant dragon right now.” “I agreed to repopulate. I did not chose to repopulate with you,” Sydryn stated pointedly. “Not to mention, you don’t have to carry any eggs. You get to sit around comfortably watching the rest of us suffer.” “I was run through in battle,” Azeros reminded them. “Isn’t that suffering enough?” Sydryn set their jaw and muttered. “You should’ve perished and saved us our suffering…” Azeros rolled their eyes and sighed. “Second eldest always repopulates with the eldest,” they stated. “These rules are known.” “These rules are nonsense,” Sydryn said. “The only factor to consider when choosing partners is whether or not the dragons are related.” “So we're partners?” Azeros said, smiling. “Barely mates.” Köbi raised a hand. “I don't mean to interrupt, but we're losing the morning.” “Right. This way,” Azeros said, waving them down the centre of the hall. The centre was setup as if morning mass was about to begin, but they passed the pews and behind the altar to a much smaller room beyond. The ceiling was still high and vaulted. The room was an opalescent white and carved with unknown ruins. There was a large stone table in the centre of the room the size of a king sized bed. An altar at the back held a large codex bound in leather hundreds of years old. Slots in the domed ceiling allowed for sunlight to pass through stained glass windows, though the imagery in the windows were not the biblical narratives one expects. Instead it depicted scenes of creatures and monsters of all sorts: dragons, demons, angels, centaurs, mermaids, giants, griffins, kappa, kitsune, Jotun, and so on. “What religion is this room for?” Dante asked. “Prodigean,” Azeros said, grinning as they stepped behind the altar. “A very ancient power dedicated to the worship and management of monsters.” Köbi frowned. “I don't fancy the term...” “Of course you wouldn't,” Dusty said. “This is probably the first time anyone's called you that.” “Demons are monsters,” Köbi argued. “Angels are the opposite so we can't possibly be monsters too.” “Have you ever considered we're just two sides of the exact same coin?” Dusty asked. “Absurd.” “Now, I've had to make some modifications to the ritual we are performing,” Azeros stated. “The original would require the human to perish but I’ve merged it with a lifesaving ritual so all should go swimmingly.” “Whoa, hold on a minute,” Ruben stopped. “You merged it? You’re talking about this fatal ritual like some kind of soup recipe you can just throw a couple extra onions in. Aren’t rituals, like, pretty fucking strict about what you can and can’t do?” “Child, I have studied religion and rituals for centuries before your grandfather was even a sperm in his father’s scrotum,” Azeros stated. “I know the limitations.” “You better because this is my partner’s life we’re talking about here,” Ruben growled. Azeros approached Ruben and took his chin in their thin clawed hand. The dragon leered deeply into the human’s eyes but Ruben didn’t waver. Azeros released him and turned to Sydryn. “My dear, when you told me they were in a lover’s quarrel, I had my doubts about this working, but this child is absolutely madly in love. He’s perfect.” Ruben and Dante both glanced at each other, turned away, and blushed. Azeros’s joy only grew. “There’s no faith greater than trusting one’s life to another. Köbi, please look over this tome with me.” “Right.” The angel walked over beside the dragon and read through the ritual they were to perform. From beyond another door, Sydryn was wheeling in IV equipment, including a reclining medical bed, a pole and empty blood bags. They’d also changed into scrubs and they were probably the brightest pink scrubs anyone had ever seen. “Ruben, please join me here.” Ruben walked over and sat down as the doctor got set up. “Forgot you were a licensed doctor for a second… So I’m giving blood the old fashion way then.” “No, the old fashion way would be the way that book describes it,” Sydryn said. “We’d just cut open your palm and Dante’s with some rusty old knife, and make you clasp them tightly together, just hoping your blood would enter his. It’s barbaric and likely to get you killed. This way,” they held up the IV bag, “is definitely the newest way of doing things.” “Geez.” Ruben rubbed his arm. “I’m 33, not 303. IV is the old fashion way to me…” “Being the only way in your lifetime doesn’t make it old,” Sydryn stated. “Put your legs up and your arm out.” Dante went over and sat on the edge of the table nearest the blood donation. He kissed Ruben’s head as the doctor checked his boyfriend’s temperature. “Thank god you’re not my brother. You’d have to knock him out to get blood out of Lino.” “Trust me, I am always glad I’m not your brother,” Ruben stated. Sydryn finished up checking his health then sterilised the the skin over the vein they were going to use. “Count back from five.” “How much are you tak—Ow. Fuck, man,” Ruben complained. “A pint. It’s not my fault you didn’t count,” Sydryn said, taping down the needle now stuck into Ruben’s arm. A machine on a trolley nearby cradled the the IV bag and appeared to rock the blood out of Ruben’s arm. Dante gagged and looked away. Ruben frowned. “You too then?” “I’m not afraid of needles like Lino. I just don’t like seeing blood…” “Then you might want to close your eyes for the whole ritual,” Azeros input, looking up from the codex. “It is entirely blood based.” Dante paled a bit but Ruben rubbed his shoulder with his free arm. “You’re going to be fine,” Ruben said. “You’ll have my blood in you from now on.” “No, Dante’s body will have replaced the blood in about a hundred to a hundred and twenty days,” Sydryn corrected. “It’s the demon’s blood which has lived inside him for so long.” “Wait…” Ruben frowned. “So this whole bonding thing is because Dusty’s blood is inside Dante’s? Would that have any affect on Marco?” “The child? Did you even take basic biology in school?” Sydryn asked. “Actually, no. I didn’t,” Ruben said. Not finishing high school was always a soft spot for him. Dante ran his hand through Ruben’s hair. “Only my DNA was passed on to Marco. Not the contents of my blood. Only Yori’s blood could’ve had an affect on Marco, but I don’t even know if Yori has blood…” “He doesn’t,” Sydryn stated. “What’s a Yori?” Köbi asked getting curious. “Dog spirit.” “A spirit you say?” Azeros asked, interest also peaked. “Like a ghost or a god?” “Wouldn’t you like to know,” Sydryn scoffed. They left the room for a moment only to bring back cookies for Ruben. It took another ten minutes for the bag to fill, and then Ruben was cleaned up and they were ready to start the ritual.

[positive-platypus]

it’s been a while since i’ve posted on this blog because i usually post my life updates on my other blog but it’s a new year and all so here’s what’s been going on with me lately

i started taking classes again this year! it feels really good to be working towards my academic goals. i’ve only been able to take 1 class a semester (although this semester i’m taking 2, but one doesn’t start for a while since it’s a short & fast paced one), i have ~4-5 classes left in my associates after this semester but i can’t do them all at once even if i wanted to because some of them are prereqs to other ones that i need to take

so i actually might just transfer before even getting my associates. maybe as soon as next fall. i don’t think i would ruin my shot or self-sabotage if i decided to go to school full time again. i know how to treat it like a job & responsibility, and if i want to get out of the service industry then the sooner i can go back to school full time the sooner i can quit. once i’m in university i’ll be able to take out loans to help me pay my rent and won’t have to work nearly as often- probably just on weekends/during breaks.

i’ve also pivoted on what i want to do like 3 times lmao. when i very first started college- i thought i wanted to study psychology and be an art therapist or something. this is not something i’m even remotely interested in anymore. i’m leaning towards STEM now, i thought i wanted to do biology/conservation but now i’m actually toying with the idea of doing computer science instead. there are a lot of different possibilities for what i could do with a degree like that, so many different programming languages i could learn, so many different types of employers that i could work for etc. and the starting salary & salary potential is really fucking enticing for someone who’s been struggling financially for virtually my entire life (and definitely my entire adult life).

the service industry is seriously burning me out, especially in the times of the panoramic, and i’ve ended up in some on&off episodes of depression because of it. i get joint pain now, i get so many stress related headaches and migraines, and i’m just done with it all at this point. i’m done with the struggle & fight to survive mindset that i’ve been in for so long, i want to thrive and move past all of this and hopefully one day start to build wealth. but i at least need enough to live while also having enough free time to be able to pursue hobbies & interests, and i just can’t do that when i’m working $9/hr 6-8+ hrs a day most days of the week. i already changed my availability so i’m only working ~4-5 days a week now.

it’s honestly a lot of exciting changes though and i can’t wait to see what the future holds. i’m going to pull myself out of this just like i’ve pulled myself out of every other rock bottom i’ve had, regardless of whether or not i’ve had support.

sorry to make this whole thing about school & work, i don’t have much of a life outside of that rn although i’m trying my best to cultivate one. it’s just hard to explore my hobbies and do things for leisure when i don’t have a lot of time to. but i’m getting there & trying to give myself the permission to do it.

i finally have health insurance too (!!!!) so i might try to get a new psych eval & find a therapist at some point soon. it’s been long enough.

[masterzii]

How to get 4.0 or at least 3.7 plus?

There is no _secret_ to getting good grades. Additionally, not everyone will get good grades. I wouldn't focus on getting the grades as much as I would focus on making the most of your time, and using it wisely. Some classes are really hard and not worth the time to get an A.

​

You could get a 4.0 by never taking any difficult classes that you don't have to, or you could load up and take 18 credit semesters and maybe not get a 4.0.

​

Manage your time effectively.

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There are five super important things that you _must_ do for overall health and productivity.

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Meditation, Exercise, Diet, Sleep (7-8 hours a night, almost always), and Social activity.

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If you do those things and manage your time, that will be the best you can do.

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Make sure to set aside some downtime for yourself in order to restore yourself, whether that be to go to parties, clubs, spend time hanging out with friends, reading, hobbies... etc.

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Don't be too hard on yourself. If you are, you can become depressed, which is not only bad as a whole, but will make it harder to work on things, because you won't have the energy. It's okay to get bad grades. It's not good to linger on mistakes, figure out what you did wrong, and how you can prepare better for next time, or perform better on the assignments.

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Also, find some clubs, and make lots of friends. Make friends with people who work hard, it'll rub off onto you, and it'll matter more who your friends are than your grades when you get into the real world, over the long run.

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They may help pull you into good jobs, or act as references.

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Also, thing about your long term goals (which you may not be certain about), grades matter more for some things than for others.

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Finding the balances is tricky. You can only strive to do your best, and make the most of your time.

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I seriously regret not spending more time with people in college, my mental health would've been better, and I would have likely had better grades as a result, hell maybe even a girlfriend, or some fun stories to tell.

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You got this. I believe in you.

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You _will_ make mistakes, but everyone does, focus on the goals.

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And remember, life is about the journey, because every life ends in death.

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Go to class, study, go to office hours, work with your friends in order to help each other out when you get stuck, and for company. Set schedules and study in advance, don't pull an all nighter before an exam, because it'll negatively affect your memory, and your ability to do simple tasks, so you'll make many more mistakes, and it probably won't be worth it, unless you knew nothing going into the exam.

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Read the textbook, lecture notes. Make sure you know the content, rereading, and highlighting are probably not going to do anything to help you. Lots of study techniques are a waste of time, even though a lot of people spend hours doing them. Make sure you _understand_ the context, because it will make it easier to remember. Dumb songs, acronyms and other mnemonic techniques will make things easier to remember, even if they sound stupid.

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If you have a question, fucking ask, people may judge you, but it doesn't matter what they think, it matters that you understand the content. Lots of people who seem like they understand probably don't.

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Don't spend too much time comparing yourself to others, everyone has their limits, their priorities etc, focus on completing goals so you'll leave college happy with how you did, and _what_ you did.

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Social accountability is another powerful tool that will help you. If you can get your friends to be disappointed in you when you don't study properly, or do something you're supposed to do, it will be a massive deterrent against doing things poorly.

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If you're interested in learning to master your memory, check out "Moonwalking with Einstein". Anyone can train their memory to memorize lots of things quickly, which can be useful for some classes (and less useful for concept based classes).

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Learn how everything in a class connects, if you can do that, instead of having memorized one piece of information you'll have a web of things and how they relate to each other, making everything easier to remember, and sometimes you can use this web to derive a missing piece of information. I did disproportionately well on many exams, and I believe it was due to me focusing on understanding, and not memorizing problem solutions. Don't memorize the solution to lots of problems, learn how to read a problem and come up with an approach to tackle it.

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Lots of people will be stumped when a problem is not 100% exactly the same as it was in homework, don't let that happen to you.

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On exams, I always would flip through exams, do as much as I could until I got stuck, and move onto the next problem. I'd come back to that problem after it had some time to sit in my brain.

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Studying weeks in advance a little bit everyday is 10x better than cramming last minute.

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Do your homework, homework is studying (if you do it right).

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Also, more important than pure grades:

lab/research experience, programming skills for data analysis and automation, friends (connections), internships (10x more important than grades for getting a job), letters of recommendation for grad school (from working with professors)

Also, set a schedule, and stick to it as much as you can, but don't let it prevent you from doing unexpected things with friends. Make as many things as possible into a routine, so you don't have to actively think about them, planning will help you stay ahead of the game, so you don't need to figure out what to do, you just do it.

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Use time between classes wisely.

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Don't hang out with people who are going to get you to do stupid things, and who don't have any ambitions, they _will_ drag you down with them. It doesn't matter if they are good people at heart.

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And once again, use your time in college wisely, if it takes 10 hours a week to get a 3.5, and 30 hours to get a 4.0, just take the 3.5 and use the 20 hours to do research, join academic type clubs that will improve skills you want, it will send you farther in life.

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Figure out the possibilities for what you want to do, and try to design life around them. If you want to go to medical school, have a backup plan. Just studying biology will f*ck you over if you don't get in.

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Also, make sure you won't be graduating with an amount of debt you can't handle, it will literally ruin your life.

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It doesn't matter if you went to Harvard if you have 200k in debt, you'll be paying 20k+ a year for the next 20 years.

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Generally speaking, don't go over 50k in debt unless you have a very good reason, and a way to pay it off.

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An english degree is probably never going to make it easy to pay off 100k in debt no matter where you went.

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Once again, don't be too hard on yourself, you are in a top school, everyone around is mostly just as smart as you are, you are no longer the cream of the crop. You will not do as well as you did in high school (In all likelihood). That's okay, as I said, do your best, and plan for post college (or grad school), your grades matter less than you think in the long run.

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Also, I suggest figuring out every class you want to take, and figure out a plan to take them. Maybe you'll see if you can dual degree or double major, it's much easier to do now than in a few years. Classes will get harder (probably).

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You might consider taking a few classes in different disciplines in order to make sure you want to stay in your major, it'll make switching easier if you have a few classes done.

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Or, consider doubling down and finishing your classes a year early so you can graduate, or maybe start taking graduate classes and do lots of research.

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Good luck! :)

https://www.reddit.com/r/college/comments/996efz/how_to_get_40_or_at_least_37_plus/

[halfcape]

Finished up S1 of Tokyo Ghoul – (spoilers for a lot of the series)

I’m not a ~lore stan, but there are already way too many world-building and really just basic storytelling issues I’ve seen so far that’s messing with my interest in this series. Maybe some of this stuff is better explained in the manga, but I’ve checked the wiki, and it seems to be pretty faithful.

- there’s a lot of suspension of disbelief when it comes to just accepting how Kaneki was turned into an artificial ghoul. This wouldn’t bother me so much if it wasn’t a plot point, but it is. Why does transplanting some ghoul organs (which ones?) into a human body change … the nature of the entire human body? How was he able to survive that if the organs are apparently so different? You don’t need to be a med or nursing student to understand that the organ systems all work together. Yes, I know that it’s fiction and there’s some stuff you need to just accept to get through the story, but this is asking too much, especially when the author makes a point to lean into “real life science” explanations for fantasy/sci-fi elements.

Even stuff like Twilight make an effort to explain the vampire transformation process (magical sparkly hard skin, etc) but goes the ‘less is more’ route. This ~magical transformation is stupid, but it’s at least consistent in a stupid story. Personal preference, maybe, but I’d much rather read a ‘magic did that’ explanation instead of ‘mad scientist guy switched the organs out of magical monsters chick like a jigsaw puzzle which explains how a human got magical monster powers’. Though when I skipped ahead to see how everything ended (I don’t have hours to burn into cross-checking the manga for adaption accuracy), considering that Kaneki and the blue-haired Creator’s Pet end up basically having an anime-Renesmee babu by the end of this series (even though there is a scene at the beginning explicitly saying that this really should not be possible), maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve read that the author’s also a lit major (……..), so maybe he’s secretly Into Twilight and other dumb popular crap? Who knows.

- there doesn’t seem to be much of a practical difference in-universe between half-ghouls and full-ghouls, which unfortunately ruins a lot of the dramatic weight for Kaneki’s story. The only major differences are that Kaneki has the one red eye, still smells like a human, regenerates really fast, and … that’s it. He still stuck with the Food Problem, and no “in-between” way to avoid participating in the morally bad thing that would make him a monster. Tbf, I don’t watch too much monster fantasy stuff, but with characters that are “half-species” like Keith from Voltron (he is a badly written character, but yeah) and Marvel’s Blade, there’s something that’s different enough for the characters to “blend in” with both worlds without having to be a complete monster (why bother writing the character as half if they’re the same as the full monsters). With Blade, he had the strengths of being a vampire and could go outside, but the disadvantage of blood thirst, which he’s able to manage with a serum. Keith is technically Galra, but can pass for human, which is relevant to the plot since the Galra are the antagonists and he won’t be persecuted because he doesn’t look like them. Kaneki is just a ghoul with one red eye and a human smell. (I had some ideas of how the series might work better if Kaneki had that in-between, but honestly this series isn’t good enough for me to do the work of the author, so I’m not posting them).

- The ghouls are not sympathetic as the “oppressed monster” trope. You instantly lose your humanity points when you’re Eating People, whether or not your “bIoLoGy” requires that. Kaneki is the exception, but that’s only because he used to be human, and his body was forcibly “changed” into a monster. His story is tragic because the writer at least seems to understand that eating people is pretty fucking irredeemable and it’s near-impossible to write around this. (Unless you’re a vore fan, but I don’t think they’re the target demographic for this series.) The people at Anteiku have made the best of a bad situation by cannibalizing dead bodies, for example, but Kaneki’s revulsion to even that means it’s still terrible.

- The whole 'don’t tell humans you’re a ghoul’ meme that generic angry blue chick rages about isn’t really that impactful when everyone in the universe already knows ghouls exist. And her bff is human.

- The in-universe reaction to the existence of the ghouls isn’t realistic. Yes, there is a special police branch to deal with them, but this is an inadequate response to literal cannibalistic monsters living in a human society. I thought there’d be something like the government system keeping track of ghouls rather than just letting them wander around and ~hoping that … they don’t eat too many people every few months? That they don’t completely overpower humans, since they canonically can do that? … Why are ghouls allowed to roam around, anyway?

- There are too many characters, and most of them are forgettable or underdeveloped. Characters like Nishiki are not given enough time to be redeemed for doing shitty things, so I can’t get invested in them. No, I don’t care about your sad backstory when you’re introduced kicking the the protag’s best friend into the wall for shock value.

- That said, Blue Anger is easily the worst in the main cast. Watching scenes with her is almost as painful as watching LOK’s Mako not being held accountable for pretty much anything. Nishiki may be underdeveloped, and other characters like Tsukiyama just make me tired (and he’s not good queer rep, but I’m not going to talk about that right now), but at least Nishiki gets knocked around a few times so it doesn’t feel like he’s completely getting away with being a dick. Bleugh gets to treat the cast like garbage, kick and beat up Kaneki repeatedly, murder humans in broad daylight, doesn’t suffer significantly for making bad choices (like uhh murder), and we’re still expected to like her because she has a generic cute anime girl design.

- there’s also a lot of sexist and other gross gender-related themes in this, but that’s for another post, maybe.

also, the usual “don’t @ me about the following”:

- “you're being too critical, it’s not a character study”. yes it is

- “Not Everything Is ATLA” yes, isn’t it sad that a children’s show has better character development than a "seinen” series.

- “the author had health problems while he was writing it” yup, and that’s valid. Just like the criticisms of the series.

- “why are you even watching this if you have so many problems with it?” I haven’t watched anything this Edgy in awhile and it’s horror.

- “I like this series, which means you’re attacking me personally by criticizing it.’ sIgh

[sun-summoning]

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv

part v: in which there is a name

“Maybe I can come with you.”

“No.”

“Why not? Your mom loves me!”

“No.”

“But—“

“No!” Sasuke grumbled under his breath, already regretting having brought Naruto with him to KU Cafe to wait out for Tinder Girl. And also to work. Looking down at his course syllabus and how much of his textbook he actually skimmed, Sasuke was about three weeks behind on his readings. He broke out his highlighter and pencil, ready to mark some stuff on the pages to make himself feel like he was studying. “Fuck my life.”

“Are you already behind?” Naruto asked. He had his laptop open in front of him as he typed up his essay. Or, you know, browsed Imgur. “Didn’t class just start?”

“Didn’t you just shut up?”

“Didn’t you just let me come to lunch with your mom?”

Sasuke kicked him under the able and Naruto proceeded to kick him back. He wasn’t sure how much time they spent being idiots before something as loud and as blond as Naruto came up to their table and sat down. 

Ugh. It was Ino.

“Hey losers!” she yelled. Shikamaru followed behind her and sat down as well, grunting his greeting.

“Ugh,” Sasuke said none too subtly as Naruto said a proper hello.

Sasuke actually managed to focus because now Shikamaru was playing Candy Crush and Naruto and Ino were doing that thing where they chat and flirt and think no one else can tell how badly they want to bang. Soon after, one said something and the other giggled and then Sasuke was visibly cringing at them while Shikamaru stared at them blankly, just done. 

Ino proceeded to talk and talk, completely oblivious to the way Sasuke was looking at her like he wanted to kick her. 

She was talking about a friend that she wanted to set Shikamaru up with, describing her as really smart and really sweet. She might’ve said a name because then Shikamaru said he actually already knew her and so Ino said a fuck you for ruining her plan (as, you know, this was somehow Shikamaru’s problem).

Ino was so fucking annoying. And not in an endearing way that Sasuke might admit Naruto was (but only under the threat of having his junk dissolved by acid or some other equally horrifying scenario). No, Ino was the kind of person he stared at and wondered how they could talk without realizing how offensive their voice was to other people.

Her voice actually hurt his head. He didn’t hear her often because he wasn’t really the social type unless Naruto made him go somewhere, but she always had a way of making him want to wear headphones or jab q-tips into his ears none too gently. Back in high school, Naruto used to call her The Banshee. That was probably before he developed his weird crush on her. 

“--well what about you, Naruto? Want to date my friend?”

Sasuke looked up and saw the brief flash of hurt on Naruto’s face. It was quickly covered up by a smile though. “Can’t,” Naruto replied. “I have a date tonight.”

Sasuke couldn’t help but smirk because that was a petty move he never expected from Naruto and while his best friend certainly didn’t have a date tonight, judging by the way Ino was finally rendered silent, she seemed to think he did. 

Then she looked at him. Sasuke glared back at her and Ino glared at him too. “What about you?” she drawled, more so talking to herself. Then she smiled and she laughed and Sasuke thought his ears were bleeding. “Actually, nevermind. You’re not good enough.”

“Your face isn’t good enough,” Sasuke muttered. 

Ino looked ready to sass him back but he caught a glimpse of the clock hanging on the wall behind her and realized he had to go. 

It was time to meet with mother dearest, after all.

-

After leaving Naruto to the loud one and the lazy one, Sasuke cut across campus to get to the Senju Building where the Biology Department was located. He had his first-year bio class here and all the associated practicals in the building’s labs. Cutting around all the students waiting for the current classes to end so they could attend their own, Sasuke searched around for his mother but found someone else instead.

Tinder Girl.

There she was. Sasuke recognized that obnoxious pink hair, soft and shiny and the colour of cotton candy. It was pulled up into a bun with a few fallen strands framing her heart-shaped face. Her green eyes were slightly hidden behind a pair of glasses, but Sasuke remembered them from her photos and their near encounter at Karin’s. They reminded him of the shade of green Xerox paper. Or something. He shook his head, realized his comparisons were awful, and decided that it was time to stop being a creep lurking yards away from her and be...a creep that approached her? 

Sasuke took a step forward and froze. Shit. Was he being creepy? Shit. He totally was. Shit. 

It took Sasuke a moment to realize that Tinder Girl was talking to his mother. His mother. He watched as his mother handed her a pile of exam booklets and proceeded to say things that Tinder Girl was typing into her phone with one hand. Tinder Girl was a TA, but apparently she was one working for his mother. His mother!

Cursing, Sasuke pressed himself against the wall to make sure she wouldn’t be able to see him. It didn’t occur to him that the people who could see him probably thought he was crazy, but they were also irrelevant so whatever.

“Sasuke?”

His lips thinned as he turned and saw--

“Juugo?” Sasuke raised an eyebrow, surprised to see him there. He’d actually taken first-year biology with Juugo years before and from what he’d heard from Karin, this was their friend’s third time taking the course. Ideally he’d pass this time.

“Hey!” Juugo said, punching Sasuke’s shoulder in a way that he probably considered light. He grinned. “What are you doing here?” He gestured to the lab behind Sasuke. “Are you in my practical too?”

Sasuke frowned and wondered how that was a question. “I. No, Juugo, I am not in your practical.” 

“Oh, that’s a shame. We could’ve been partners! Maybe next week.”

“Huh?” Sasuke tried not to openly gape at Juugo because back in their first-year at KU, they were lab partners. “Right,” Sasuke replied. Figuring it would be best to hide in the crowd of students while waiting for his mother, Sasuke made an effort to catch up with Juugo. “How’s...your third time in this class going?”

Juugo actually grinned. “A lot better than the other times! Last year Karin was helping me but she got frustrated and bailed halfway through.” No one really blamed her. “But this time I got a tutor--oh, she’s right there!”

He pointed to where Sasuke had been looking earlier, and because fate had a love/hate relationship with him, he found Juugo pointing at Tinder Girl.

“She...” Sasuke swallowed thickly, tearing his eyes away from the girl waving goodbye to his mother and then turning to Juugo. “You know her?”

Juugo nodded. “Yep, she’s really helpful. She really knows her shit.”

“Does she.”

“You bet--”

“Juugo,” Sasuke interrupted. He spoke gravely while gripping Juugo’s arms. “I...I need a bio tutor. Can you give me her number? Or something?”

“Sure!”

“Fuck. Great. Thanks--”

“Sasuke!”

Turning around, Sasuke saw his mother waving at him. Behind him, Juugo was busy scrolling through his phone for contact info.

Sasuke meant to rush him, but then his mother called his name once again. Feeling every bit like a little boy being yelled at by his mother, Sasuke sighed heavily and told Juugo he’d see him later.

-

His mother took him to a place that would serve him something overpriced, tiny, and definitely lacking in carbs. Still, being with his mother meant she would be paying so Sasuke convinced her that they needed an appetizer and while he was eating his entree, he began planning for dessert.

“How’s father?” he asked, beginning at the top of their list of small talk questions for meals together. After all, this certainly wasn’t his first lunch alone with his nosy, nagging mother.

She scoffed and all but finished her glass of wine. “He’s fine,” she grumbled, signalling the waiter for a refill. 

“Stubborn as always?”

“Did you expect anything different?” Mikoto rolled her eyes. “How’s your brother?”

“Fine,” Sasuke echoed. “Don’t you, like, talk to him all the time? Doesn’t he work in your department?”

“Yes, but we don’t work together. Moreover, he doesn’t tell me anything.”

Sasuke wondered why she thought he would tell her anything. “Right. Well. He’s fine.”

The waiter arrived with her third (or was it fourth) glass and she was quick to sip it. “Honestly, the only updates he ever gives me are regarding his health concerns and that’s only because I’m his emergency contact.”

“What?” Sasuke wondered why his brother wouldn’t use him or Shisui. “Wait, what? Health concerns?”

Seeing his worry, Mikoto waved a well manicured hand. “Your brother’s fine -- well, mostly.” Her face contorts with utter disgust. “Just whatever venereal disease he deigned to pick up in this quarter. Honestly, as a mother I’m disgusted, but as a scientist I can’t help but be impressed that my own son managed to contract -- nay, maybe even create -- a brand new disease.”

“He...what?”

“Honestly,” his mother continued, not even remotely fazed by Sasuke’s concern or confusion. “ A new STD before a grandchild! Has he no shame? No sense?” She glowered into her glass and before Sasuke knew it, it was empty. “Your brother...” She trailed off into a long string of curses and when she was finally satisfied with her grumbling, she looked up at Sasuke with a perfectly painted smile. “And how are your studies, darling?”

“Really?”

“Hm?”

“Seriously? You’re going to completely ignore the fact that you told me Itachi is dirtier than I thought and try to talk about school?”

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

“Fine. School is fine.”

“Fine?” she echoed. “The last time your studies were fine, you went on academic probation.”

“My studies are fine,” Sasuke insisted. He sighed heavily. “I got some grades back and I’m doing great!”

“Define ‘great,’ Sasuke.”

“Bs.”

Mikoto pursed her lips but didn’t say anything further. “Honestly, darling, you should thank the gods for nepotism and privilege. Not everyone gets to be born into old money like you--”

“What the shit, mother.”

“--and if you don’t clean up your act, I’ll--” Mikoto cut herself off and broke into a doting smile. “Oh, I can never stay mad at you! Please just finish your degree already so we can get you to work with your father and we can leave your academic failures in the past.”

He was mildly offended by her words, but it wasn’t like he could fight back. 

Sasuke was smart. He was clever and he knew what he needed to and he was naturally talented at any task thrown at him and honestly if he tried, like really, truly tried, he could ace everything. He was just, like, lazy. Not always, of course. If he put his mind to it, he could do it. But if Sasuke didn’t care and if Sasuke didn’t have a goal in mind, he could literally watch cat videos all day until he withered away. 

“Are you, perhaps, seeing anyone?” his mother asked, changing the topic.

“I...what?”

Mentally skimming the list of standard small talk questions generally exchanged at lunch with his mother, Sasuke began to panic because this was not one of them. For all her frustrations with Itachi’s social life and how frequently she complained about it, not once did she ever ask about Sasuke’s. Maybe it was because she knew he was too awkward to bother with a love life. And he was kind of an asshole. Mostly he was an asshole.

“Naruto, maybe?”

Sasuke gagged. “I’d sooner cut off my own...” He paused, trying to think of a proper exaggeration, “internet access.”

Mikoto rolled her eyes but smiled. Teasing Sasuke about his relationship with Naruto would never get old. 

“You can’t blame a mother for asking, dear. You’re not getting any younger, and I would prefer to know I’m leaving you in capable hands.”

“My hands are perfectly capable of taking care of...myself.” He grimaced, thinking about his phrasing. But then he saw an opportunity. “Except, mother, I too think it is important that I am left in capable hands because you also are not getting any younger.”

She levelled him with a glare but Sasuke smirked because he had an idea.

“Yes. Say, mother, do you maybe know anyone that might be interested in...me?”

His question visibly caught her off guard and judging by the sudden fear in her eyes, she was probably thinking of people within her friend group of older women. 

“If you think,” she began in a low voice, “for even a moment that I let you pull the same stunt your brother did with that...woman--” She had to pause to take a deep, calming breath. “You are wrong, mister!”

“What, no!” 

Sasuke sighed because of course his older brother’s exploits with that art dealer his parents were fond of had to ruin his current search for Tinder Girl. If Sasuke recalled correctly, Itachi had an affair with some cougar. An older, married woman named Konan, and his parents were furious when they found out. Although, Sasuke thought with a snicker, not as furious as her cuckolded husband must have been.

He considered just telling his mother the truth. Something along the lines of “Hey, I was coming to see you earlier and saw you talking to this girl with green eyes. You know, not with pink hair. But I mean I wasn’t even looking at her hair so maybe her hair is pink, I don’t know, whatever. Anyway. She was, uh, cute. Do you know her?” Saying that in his head actually sounded fairly normal after the babbling was edited out. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but his awkwardness and the reality that he would be getting an introduction from his mother occurred to him and he bit his tongue.

Okay. Okay so maybe he needed a different plan.

-

After lunch, Sasuke went straight to the house where he knew Juugo lived with Suigetsu and some other guys. He knocked, and after receiving no answer, tentatively opened the door and, fortunately, it was unlocked. Sure, that was entirely inappropriate, but the whole reason Sasuke was here was inappropriate anyway. Besides, he knew everyone who lived here so at least no one would think he was a serial killer in the event that they came across him. But then again, knowing him didn’t mean he wasn’t a serial killer. Sasuke paused to remind himself he wasn’t a serial killer and then considered the possibility that Juugo or one of the others living here might be a serial killer instead.

Suddenly a little bit nervous, Sasuke decided to call out, “Juugo?”

No one replied, so Sasuke headed down to the basement where he knew Juugo’s bedroom -- and not a serial killer’s torture chamber -- was. This was so dumb. God, this was so dumb. But Juugo knew Tinder Girl and so Sasuke had to do this.

Unsurprisingly, Juugo wasn’t too far from his bong and was busy munching away on some cookies.

“Yo,” Sasuke greeted, getting his attention.

“Sasuke!” Juugo held out the bag of cookies but Sasuke shook his head. “What are you doing here?” 

In a surprising show of hyperactivity that made Sasuke question what Juugo had taken, he proceeded to run around his room, opening doors and drawers in search of something. 

“So,” Sasuke began, “earlier you mentioned your biology tutor...”

Juugo nodded and made a vague noise of acknowledgement, but his head, left arm, and shoulder were also under his bed, so it was possible he just sniffed something unfortunate. 

“Juugo?”

“Yeah?” 

Juugo continued whatever search he was conducting under his bed and Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fuck my life. Juugo. Dude. Okay, what are you doing?”

Finally, Juugo made a noise of triumph and stood up with a wide grin on his face. “I’ve been looking everywhere for this!”

‘This’ happened to be a big purple backpack with as many patches sewn onto it as there were holes in places that probably saw a lot of wear and tear, which annoyed Sasuke because logically the patches should have gone over the holes, but they weren’t, so that meant they were only there for aesthetic and Juugo didn’t know what their actual purpose was. “Like for fuck’s sake,” Sasuke grumbled, eyeing the patches disdainfully. “Are you packing?”

“Yeah,” Juugo said, holding the bag with one hand while using the other to pull things out of his closet and stuff them inside the pack. “I decided I’m going backpacking in Sound.”

“Why?”

“Because, you know… yolo.”

“What?”

“Yolo.”

“That isn’t a valid response to everything.”

“It’s an acronym.”

Briefly, Sasuke wondered if Juugo even knew what an acronym was.

“And I only live once. I mean why shouldn’t I go, Sasuke?”

“Um, because I know for a fact that you spend a fair chunk of your student loans on weed so it’s kind of just irresponsible to say fuck it and backpack for shits. It’s not a bad thing to consider your credit score before making decisions.”

“Oh, Sasuke.” Juugo shook his head. He smiled a smile that infuriated Sasuke even further because of how damn chill he looked. “You can’t always be so responsible.”

“I’d hardly say I’m responsible.” He just wasn’t irresponsible. Sasuke shrugged. “Whatever, man. Can you just answer my question from earlier?”

“You had a question?”

Sasuke was about to tear out some of his hair in frustration when Juugo lit up and grabbed his phone.

“Right. My tutor. You wanted her contact info, right?”

“I...yes.” 

Juugo ripped a sheet out of his notebook and proceeded to write some stuff on it. 

Sasuke blinked when Juugo handed it to him. He didn’t even look at what Juugo had written just, too busy scanning the contents of the page that were probably things Juugo would need to study later on. “Um. Don’t you need this?”

“Huh?” Juugo shook his head. “Nah, I have her number in my phone.”

“No, I mean the other stuff.”

Juugo actually looked perplexed. “What...” He stared at Sasuke like he was an idiot. God, maybe he fucking was, coming to Juugo of all fucking people. “No, I already have her email address too.”

“No, I--you know what. Sure. Fuck it. Okay.” Sasuke figured he should make some sort of physical gesture of gratefulness so he patted Juugo’s shoulder, narrating his actions with, “Pat, pat.” Satisfied, Sasuke nodded to himself. “Right. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome!”

-

Sakura Haruno.

Her name was Sakura Haruno.

Like any logical person, the first thing Sasuke did was Google her. He searched her up and, given that her name was probably listed on pages by KU’s Biology Department, the first page was littered with info regarding her research projects, her awards, and, of course, her office hours. She was young and brilliant apparently. And when Sasuke made the transition to Images, he even found a photo of her standing beside his mother and some other people. That made him uncomfortable, so he wasted no time skipping to the next few photos. He came across one of the selfies he had seen on her Tinder page and barely fought back his grin.

“Are you looking at porn?” Naruto asked.

“No, dumbass,” Sasuke replied, aiming for polite considering he was, after all, hanging out at Naruto’s apartment right now. He needed wifi since he’d already used up all his data for the month, and he wasn’t particularly inclined to go home yet since he knew Itachi was around.

Sasuke just couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe he actually made progress without scaring the shit out of Hinata Hyuuga or having to suck up to Karin. He did it. He did it.

Naruto laid his head on Sasuke’s shoulder and took a glimpse at the current image on his phone. He paid no heed to the way Sasuke tensed up, clearly uncomfortable with the contact. “That’s her?” Naruto asked, already knowing the answer. The pink hair was a giveaway. “That’s Tinder Girl?”

“Yeah.” Sasuke frowned. “Her name is Sakura Haruno.”

“But like...can we just call her Tinder Girl?” Sasuke didn’t protest and Naruto looked overly excited to keep the nickname. “Hey, don’t you feel a bit creepy?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Doesn’t it kind of suck to miss out on the spontaneity though?” Naruto drew back, probably sensing that he used up Sasuke’s daily quota for physical interaction. “Don’t you just want to like...just meet someone and then get to know them?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s...that’s really dumb.”

“No it’s not. Fuck you.”

Sasuke snorted, considering the idea of making requisite small talk. “I hate surprises. This is just, like, basic recon before I have to go into a social situation.”

“That’s sad.”

“You’re sad.”

“No, honestly, you’re sad.”

Unfazed, Sasuke shrugged. Naruto called it sad but Sasuke called it smart, and, honestly, pragmatic. It was a way of gauging whether or not the search for Tinder Girl was worth it. And of course it was worth it because--

“I just found her Instagram!”

Apparently no longer opposed to the Tinder Girl search, Naruto grabbed Sasuke’s wrist to look at his phone as it went from the selfie he found on images to her actual profile on his browser. He opened her profile on the actual app and they sat there, stunned with the progress. 

“I found her fucking Instagram,” Sasuke whispered. He scrolled through her pictures, careful not to press anything he shouldn’t, finding a variety of pictures of food, of nature, of herself, of her friends, of--

“Wait,” Naruto said beside him. “Is that...”

Sasuke knew what Naruto was looking at because he too was praying it wasn’t.

It was her. The Banshee. 

Sasuke had to groan because he didn’t just see her once on Tinder Girl’s Instagram account. Nay. Ino Yamanaka was in just about every other selfie Sakura Haruno had, making the same silly faces, doing the same activities. Even pictures of food that Sakura Haruno posted had Ino Yamamaka tagged in them. This, Sasuke realized, meant that they were, most likely, really good friends. Best friends, even. This didn’t have to be a bad thing, but, Sasuke recalled their interactions earlier this morning and knew she would never be of help.

Beyond considering Sasuke a prissy little fucker, a sentiment Sasuke shared regarding her, The Banshee had a complex relationship with Sasuke’s own best friend, which meant getting her to help him would probably come with a price. 

Actually, now that he thought about it, it wasn’t that complex. They were fuck buddies that thought they were subtle about it in front of others but who flirted so painfully obviously that they were kind of infuriating to watch. 

Dammit. Sasuke took a deep breath. Ino was friends with Tinder Girl. 

Fucking hell.

It occurred to Sasuke that he might have to whore out Naruto to Ino for information. Turning to look at his best friend, Sasuke genuinely considered the option before realizing that that would be inappropriate.

“Although...”

Sasuke smirked. He had a plan.

-

“I found her fucking Instagram!” Sasuke yelled when he came home that night. He saw a pair of high heels at the door that were too small to indicate that Itachi had picked up crossdressing, so he figured his flavour of the week was probably over. Without a care for their privacy, Sasuke pushed his brother’s bedroom door open and held his phone out. “Look!”

As expected, Itachi was with someone blonde and blue-eyed and half-dressed. She made a noise of indignation and Sasuke made a noise of not giving a fuck.

Itachi frowned at him, but humoured him nevertheless. “What is it?”

“Sakura Haruno,” Sasuke said smugly. He began scrolling through the photos. Seeing a familiar one — the one that had caught his attention when he first found her on Tinder — Sasuke pressed it to open it and turned his phone to his brother.

His brother seemed to wince at the sight of it, so Sasuke drew the phone back, confused. It wasn’t until he saw the red heart beneath the selfie that Sasuke realized—

“You just liked her photo.”

-

tbc

-

-

-

-

note: i’m sorry this took nearly two years and i’m sorry if like i’m not funny anymore. i tried. also i was sick and watching archer for the past few days so i apologize if the lunch scene felt off. 

[flowerfan2]

Winds of Change - Ch. 10/15

Stucky, 46k total, A03. Post CACW.  This fic is fully written, and will be fully posted by 2/25. Read from the beginning here.

Bucky’s still got some healing to do after the doctors in Wakanda rouse him from sleep and make sure there are no more deadly triggers lurking in his brain.  He decides it should happen where he can have some peace and quiet, as well as a little distance from Steve’s overwhelming presence.  When he sees an ad for a “Winter Caretaker” he takes the job, but it turns out to be not so peaceful after all.

Or, how Bucky realized that while he still needs to heal, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing for him and Steve to do it together.

Chapter 10

When Bucky wakes up, Steve is gone.  In his place on the bed are Mittens and Miss Kitty, doing their matching cat loaf routine and staring lazily at Bucky.  Bucky’s phone is between them, and when it vibrates, Miss Kitty sticks out a delicate orange striped paw as if she’s going to answer it.

“Uh-uh, not for you.” Bucky says.  He’s got a string of texts, mostly from Steve, and they immediately make him smile.

Sorry I had to leave – needed to go somewhere with Natasha.

”Somewhere” meaning the ice rink Hydra base with the robot windmills, Steve continues. It’s all shot to hell. Wonder who did that?

Didn’t want to go, though.  Wanted to stay in bed with you.

After this is a series of little faces, a whole range of emotions, followed by a line of ten happy faces in a row.

Bucky can feel his smile stretching his cheeks, and he scoops Mittens up into his lap and rubs her chin, wanting to pass on the feeling.

Steve left his last text about an hour ago, but Natasha’s is more recent.

Steve didn’t know which emoji was the happy one until you showed up.  Good work, Barnes.

Bucky’s feeling pretty happy himself, and he lounges around in bed, playing with the cats.  Miss Kitty likes it when he moves his feet around under the blanket; she’s ferocious when she wants to be, a little striped dynamo. Mittens, however, just wants to be stroked and complimented.  Bucky doesn’t mind; he can multitask.

Eventually his phone buzzes with another text.  Dr. Banner – Bruce – wants to know if it’s a good time to come over and check on him. Bucky figures playing footsie with Miss Kitty isn’t a good reason to put him off, so he texts back the all clear.

An hour later, he’s sitting at the kitchen island with Bruce, who is quietly finishing his cup of coffee.  Bucky’s getting used to Bruce’s manner – the man is a sea of calm, and it’s restful to be around him.  Still, he feels that itchy need to fill the silence.

 “So, what kind of doctor are you?  I mean, do you have a specialty, aside from patching up Avengers?”

 Bruce quirks an eyebrow at him.  “I’m a nuclear physicist.”

 Bucky blinks at him. It’s not what he was expecting Bruce to say.  “Um, really?”

 Bruce laughs softly. “Really.  But don’t worry, I brushed up on emergency medicine, too, with a focus on enhanced biology.  Once I started my superhero patching up practice.”

 “You… brushed up on emergency medicine.”  Seems a little casual, for someone who sticks sharp things inside living bodies.

 “Don’t worry.  I promise, my surgical skills can’t be faulted.” Bucky is reminded of Tony for a moment, his surety when it comes to his talents.  “When Coulson tries to get me to psychoanalyze you guys, though…” Bruce continues, leaning his chin on his hand, “that’s a whole different path of study.”

 Bucky’s stomach drops. “Is that why you’re here?  To psychoanalyze me?”  

 “No, god, no,” Bruce says, his face falling.  “I’m just here to check on your health – physical health.”  Bruce stands up and puts his medical kit on the counter. “Unless, um, you need to talk to someone?  Because I’m sure we can find someone for you-”

 Bucky wants to deflect, but he figures Bruce is being sincere, so he might as well be, too.  “I think I’m good for now.  Maybe at some point.”

 Bruce nods, as if Bucky has passed some test, despite the fact that Bruce denied being there to give one. “Okay.”

 Bucky gets off the stool and takes off his t-shirt.  It doesn’t even hurt when he pulls it off over his head, except for a dull ache at the site of the wound.

 He stands still as Bruce carefully peels off the tape holding the bandage to his chest.  Bucky keeps his gaze focused over Bruce’s shoulder, out the window at the gray sky.  

 “Amazing,” Bruce says. Bucky thinks he doesn’t even realize he said it.  “Is it okay if I touch you?” Bruce asks.

 “Sure.”

 Bruce palpitates the area around the wound, then runs a finger over the now healed incision. “Any pain?”

 “Hardly at all, today.”

 Bruce nods.  “Did the doctors in Wakanda figure anything out about what kind of serum you were given?”

 “Not that they told me.”

 “Well, the healing properties seem to be almost as good as Steve’s.  It’s really incredible.  You’re awfully lucky.”

 Bucky scoffs, and Bruce looks at him, concerned.  “I meant with regard to your ability to heal.  But Bucky… no matter what you’ve gone through, I’d say you’ve had some good fortune lately.”

 Bucky doesn’t answer. He’s actually had the same thought himself, but he’s not used to thinking of himself as fortunate.  It’s too hard to square with all the crap that has happened to him.

 “I know the team was lucky to have you there when the turbines attacked.”

 “They would have been fine without me.  I’m just another gun.”

 Bruce sits down on a stool and closes his med kit back up.  “How much do you remember about the fight?”

 Bucky shrugs.  “We were all there, taking down the Hydra goons, and then the turbines started moving.”

 “What happened next?”

 Bucky pauses, and Bruce reaches out a hand to touch his arm.  “It’s okay if you don’t remember what happened right before you fell. It’s not unusual, with a trauma like that.”

 “I fell?”  No wonder Steve was so worried.  Way to go, Buck.

 “Right after you were shot. But Tony caught you.  Right after you disabled every single one of the militarized turbines.”  

 Bucky closes his eyes. He does sort of remember running down the rafters between the turbines, but it’s kind of a blur.   He thinks back to when he first saw the turbines move, and Natasha said she’d go look for the control booth.

 And then, with a sick wave of panic, he remembers seeing the man through his scope, mouthing the word that had nearly stolen his mind.

 “Bucky?  You okay?”

 Bucky shoves himself off the stool and runs into the bathroom, barely making it there in time before emptying his stomach into the toilet.  Shit, shit, shit.  How could he forget?  His fucking useless mind, betraying him yet again.  It’s a good thing he didn’t go to work with Steve and Natasha today, when any idiot with a Winter Soldier instruction book can send him right back into assassin-land.

 “Bucky?”  Bruce is standing at the door to the bathroom, one hand on the frame, then other reaching out towards Bucky.  “What’s wrong?”

 “I remembered something from the fight,” Bucky says.  He doesn’t want to tell Bruce – doesn’t want to tell anyone.  But he doesn’t know else what to do.  Keeping it to himself will only put everyone in more danger.  

 A misplaced look of sympathy comes over Bruce’s face – he probably thinks Bucky is having some kind of reaction to memories of killing innocent people – and Bucky wishes it were only that.

 “I’m sorry,” Bruce says, and Bucky can tell he means it.  “Do you, um, do you want to talk about it?”

 So much for not being the Avenger’s in-house shrink.  Just as Bucky is about to open his mouth and ruin Bruce’s day, however, Bruce’s phone pings. He pulls it out of his pocket and presses at it, frowning.  

 “Problem?”

 “I’ve got to go back to the safe house.  Tony needs my help with something they found on site, some kind of energy weapon.”  

 Bucky drags himself off the floor, and rubs his sweaty hands on his jeans.  “Okay.”

 “You sure you’ll be all right?  You seemed pretty shaken up.”  Bruce is looking at him intently, but Bucky is nothing if not skilled at hiding what he’s feeling.  

 “I’m fine,” Bucky says. “Maybe just could use some more rest.” He won’t leave the house, not until he figures out what to do.  At least the cats are unlikely to start speaking Russian to him.  Bucky doesn’t think “meow” would be Hydra’s pick for a trigger word.

 Bruce hesitates, as if he’s not sure whether to buy this or not, but in the end he just nods and takes his leave, patting Bucky awkwardly on the shoulder as he says goodbye.

 Bucky’s last thought as Bruce walks to his car, unspoken, is <i>please don’t tell Steve I freaked out.</i>

 Bruce tells Steve.

 **********

 Of course, Bucky doesn’t know this until later in the afternoon.  Because as soon as Bruce leaves the house, Bucky goes upstairs, brushes his teeth, and then takes a long shower, letting the water run until it goes cool and the vibranium starts to feel like a giant ice cube attached to his shoulder.  He barely dries off, just pulls on a pair of briefs and gets back into bed.  He turns his phone off.  He doesn’t want to talk to anyone.

 Knowing he can still be triggered is like finding out there’s a bomb set to activate in the middle of his chest.  With one word from an enemy Bucky can lose himself again, and kill everyone around him in the process.  Hell, it wouldn’t even have to be an enemy – what if Natasha just started chatting in Russian, or he got sent overseas, or saw a Chekov play on television?  Bucky’s life still isn’t his own, and it’s devastating.

 He wishes pathetically that he and Steve had gone on that date already, that he would have that memory to take back into cryo with him.  Because he doesn’t have any other options. He has to leave again.  He can’t keep pretending that everything is okay when it so clearly has gone all to shit.

 He’s startled out of his misery spiral when a soft brush of fur tickles his nose.  It’s Gracie, who starts inexplicably walking back and forth over his shoulders, her gray tail waving back and forth behind her. Finally she settles, curling up practically under Bucky’s chin.  Dumb cat, he thinks, his eyes filling with tears.  She has no idea who she’s associating with.

 Bucky finally falls into a fitful sleep, waking only when he hears Steve’s voice calling him from downstairs.

 Shit, fuck, shit.  How the hell did he get in here?

 Bucky considers just burrowing under the covers and pretending he’s not home, and he gives it a try – he’s just pulled the blanket up over his head when Steve comes into the room.

 “Bucky?”  Steve asks.  Bucky can hear his nervous breathing as he approaches the bed. “What’s wrong?  You feeling okay?”

 Bucky doesn’t answer. He’s not feeling okay, not in any possible definition of the word.  But he doesn’t know how to tell Steve.  Bucky’s been paying attention, these past few days.  He knows how much Steve cares about him.  And this?  In addition to just screwing Bucky’s life up beyond repair, it’s going to break Steve’s heart.

 The bed shifts as Steve sits down, and then lays next to Bucky on the bed.  Steve slides over and wraps an arm around him, his firm chest pressed against Bucky’s back.  “Whatever it is, Buck, it’s gonna be alright,” he whispers, and Bucky chokes out a sob.

 “It’s not.  It’s never going to be alright.”

 Steve holds him tighter, wraps a leg around his calf.  “Tell me what happened, Buck.  Let me help you.”

 “There’s nothing you can do.”

 “Try me.”

 Bucky presses his forehead into Steve’s arm, wishing he had the strength to push it off, to stand up and deal with this with some measure of dignity, instead of crying into Steve’s sleeve.  He should never have started thinking he could have a normal life.

 “Bruce said it had something to do with the fight at the Hydra base?”  Steve tries again.  “I’ve been texting you all day, but you didn’t answer.  I should have come over sooner.  I’m sorry.”

 Bucky shakes his head, and tries to tell Steve he shouldn’t be sorry, but all that comes out is more tears.

 “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Steve says, pressing a kiss into Bucky’s hair.  “You can cry, it’s okay.  I’m not going anywhere.”

 And so Bucky cries, cries for the life he came so close to having, and for the light in Steve’s eyes that’s going to fade again.  Steve just holds him, and pets his hair, and whispers sweet words.  

 Finally Bucky draws in a deep breath, then another, and flops himself around on the bed until he’s facing Steve, who takes one look at his face and hands him a pile of tissues. Bucky wipes his face, and then exhales slowly, finding Steve’s gaze.

 “During the fight, one of the guys said something in Russian.  A trigger word.  I…” Bucky stops and gulps down another breath, his eyes leaving Steve’s and dropping closed against the pain.  “I didn’t remember it until this morning, when Bruce asked me about the fight.  But the word almost held me.  I fought it off, but… it affected me.  I’m not fixed.”

 He can’t look at Steve, but he can hear his breath speed up as he wraps his arms around Bucky again. “We’ll figure it out.  It’s okay,” Steve repeats, but the confidence has gone out of his voice.

 “You don’t get it, Steve,” Bucky says, as gently as he can.  “The docs in Wakanda thought they fixed me.  But they didn’t.  There’s nothing else to be done.”

 “Don’t say that.” Steve’s words are rushed and edgy with panic.

 “I’ve been going round and round on this all day, Steve.  Cryo’s the only option.”

 Steve sits up, and the abrupt loss of the comfort of his arms around Bucky is jarring.  “Since when have you been such a coward?”  

 “A… what?”

 “You heard me.” Steve’s eyes are flashing with anger. “You never used to run from a fight, Bucky – damn it, you ran into mine all the time, even when you didn’t have to. Why the hell would you run from this?”

 Bucky slides away from Steve on the bed, out of reach of his wildly gesturing arms.  “I’m not running, Steve, I’m accepting facts-”

 “You are running. You’re running away because it’s hard, and you’re worried you might not be able to get past it, and you’re scared…” Steve trails off, his hand coming up to press against his eyes.  

 “I’m sorry, Steve, I am. I don’t want to go-”

 “Then don’t,” Steve says bitterly, looking up at him.  “Stay, and fight it.  Fight for your life, Bucky.”  Steve’s voice drops, and he looks down at his knees.  “Fight for us.”

 There’s a lump in his throat so big Bucky thinks sound won’t come out, so he just wraps his arms around Steve and hugs him tight.  Steve is stiff, angry, but Bucky hangs on, and eventually Steve leans into him.

 “Please, Bucky,” Steve chokes out, his voice barely above a whisper.  “Please.  Say you’ll try.  At least give us a chance, you and me.  We can talk with the team, you know everyone will help you.  Let us try to figure something out.”

 It goes against all his instincts, to stay with Steve when he could end up hurting him, or worse. But maybe Steve’s right; maybe he needs to give Steve and his group of crazy-smart friends a shot at fixing his broken brain.  Maybe he needs to trust Steve, the way Steve has trusted him all this time.

 “Okay.”

 **********

 To Bucky’s utter humiliation and dismay, Steve decides that the best way to address Bucky’s problem is to set up a conference call with Coulson and all the Avengers.  Steve delivers this proposal while Bruce is stir-frying vegetables and tofu for dinner at the safe house, Natasha and Tony taking turns picking vegetables out of the pan and drinking beer.

 “Wait, what?”  Tony says, turning to look at Bucky, who is sitting at the kitchen table with Steve, trying to portray innocence and apple pie and no I’m definitely not a Russian terrorist.  “You hulked out during the battle with the robot windmills? I didn’t see you hulk out.”

 “I don’t think you should call it that,” Bruce says absently.  “Although ‘winter soldier’d’ is kind of a mouthful.”

 “I fought it off,” Bucky says uncomfortably.  “Pushed it away, or something.”

 “How long did it take?” Natasha has appeared at his elbow. She’s got a curiously intense look on her face, like Bucky is the most interesting puzzle she’s seen all year.

 “How long?”

 “Yeah.  And what did it feel like?”

 Bucky tries to remember, and briefly feels like he’s going to throw up again.  “It was fast.  Clint was talking to me, and I almost blacked out for a second, but then I heard him talking; I came to and took out the turbine that was coming closer to us.”

 “So it really threw you off your game,” Tony says, smirking.  “You only took out all the turbines, instead of all the turbines.”

 “Cut it out, Tony, this isn’t funny,” Steve says.

 Natasha slides a chair over next to Bucky and sits down, placing her beer on the table.  “No, it’s not funny, but it might not be as bad as you think,” she says, pulling Bucky’s gaze back to her.  “What was the word he used?  You can write it down, if you don’t want to say it.”

 “It was in Russian,” Bucky says, stupidly, and earns an eye roll from Natasha.

 “I know it was in Russian,” she says calmly.  “Take out your phone.  Text it to me.”

 “What if-”

 “In English.  I’ll know what the Russian word is.”

 Bucky keeps his eyes on Natasha as he fumbles for his phone.  He’s not sure how she knew he didn’t want to say the word, doesn’t want to hear the sounds, in any language.  But he’s grateful.  And Steve has moved to stand right behind him, a comforting presence at his back. At least he’ll be there to stop him if Bucky gets triggered and tries to attack anyone.

 Quickly, before he loses his nerve, Bucky texts Natasha.  Duty.

 He sees Natasha’s eyes widen, and then she almost smiles at him, her face relaxing.  “That’s what I thought.”  She looks up at Steve.  “Stand down. Lover-boy’s going to be fine.”

 “What do you mean?” Bucky feels as if the room is spinning, only Steve’s hand on his shoulder holding him in place.

 “It’s not a Winter Soldier program trigger word.  It’s from the Red Room, one of the reminders they used on us.  To keep our attention, if they thought we were straying from the path.”

 “But if it brainwashes him, what’s the difference?”  Tony asks.

 “It won’t brainwash him – or me.”  Natasha bumps her knee against Bucky’s.  “Hey. It’s really going to be okay.  I promise.”

 “But… how?”

 “You know I was Red Room, right?”

 Bucky hadn’t really thought about it before, but it makes a horrible kind of sense; Natasha has the kind of skills that the Russian espionage training program boasts of. Then Natasha leans in and whispers to him, the beginning of a little nursery rhyme in Russian. <i>Ladybug, fly to the sky, bring me bread…</i>  Suddenly there’s a much younger face in front of him.

 “Holy shit, I knew you,” Bucky breathes out, and it’s like another door has opened in his brain, memories cascading in.  “I was there. I…”  He looks down at his clasped hands, metal squeezing flesh, and hears Bruce shushing Tony and shuffling him away into the other room.

 “I didn’t think you remembered,” Natasha says.  “I didn’t know if I should remind you.”  She looks uncharacteristically uncertain, worried for the first time about what Bucky might think of her.

 “No, it’s okay,” Bucky says, and grabs at Steve’s hand on his shoulder, holding it there while he takes deep breaths.  “Wow.  Fuck.”  He sees teenage Natasha, sparring on a mat, her trainer putting her through her paces. Bucky was there.  “Every time I think I’ve got it figured out, there’s more.”

 “It took me a long time to sort it out,” Natasha says matter of factly.  “And I didn’t have all the other mindwipe crap to deal with like you did. But I can help you with the Red Room stuff.”

 Bucky struggles with the memory, but can’t see much more than the gym, the girls… and himself, throwing them one by one as they come at him, small but fierce.  “What was I there?”

 “You were one of the good ones,” she says softly, putting a hand on his knee.  “You didn’t hurt us.  You helped us get strong.”

 “It isn’t in my SHIELD file.”

 Natasha shrugs.  “It’s in mine.  I’ll fill you in.”

 “It won’t… bother you, to talk about all that?  The trigger words, and…?”  

 Natasha rolls her eyes. “If you had just come to me about this in the first place, you wouldn’t have had to spend all that time frozen in Wakanda.  Classic dumb boy move, never know when to ask for help.”

 Bucky is trembling, trying to come to terms with this new information.  Steve curls around his back, holding him tight.  “See?”  Steve says. “I told you we’d figure something out.” Steve’s trying for a light tone, but he doesn’t quite get there.

 “Jerk,” Bucky says, still clutching Steve’s hand, which is now pressing soothingly at his neck.

 “Punk.”

 “Well, while you guys are exchanging terms of endearment, I think I’ll see if anyone wants to go get pizza with me.  I’m not really in the mood for stir-fry.”

 “Wait, Natasha…”

 “Tomorrow, Barnes. We’ll talk more tomorrow.  There are only a handful of words, we’ll get you desensitized right away, no worries.  In the meantime,” she says, raising her voice so that Tony and Bruce can hear – on the off chance they aren’t listening in from the other room already – “no one tease Bucky.  Especially not in Russian.  Or I’ll kick your ass.”

 “What?”  they hear Tony whine from the other room, apparently in response to something Bruce has said.  “I’ll behave.  Jeez. You guys must think I’m nuts – Natasha does not make empty threats.”

 It’s only a moment before Natasha and the others have gone upstairs, to hunt for pizza or otherwise, and Steve and Bucky are left by themselves.  Bucky wishes briefly that Natasha had stayed, a buffer between himself and the emotions that threaten to swamp him when he turns to look at Steve.

 He knows he should say something to acknowledge what’s just happened, should thank Steve for not letting him run.  For giving him his life back, for loving him enough to push him into confronting his fears. He’s so relieved he’s shaky with it – that and the fact that all he’s consumed since this morning was a cup of coffee, and even that didn’t stay down.  It’s not a good time for any more deep thoughts.

 “So,” he says, patting his hands on Steve’s knees, and then looking up at his blue eyes, so patient and kind, “do you think they’ll get pineapple?  Because it turns out, it’s really good on pizza.”

 Steve looks momentarily perplexed, and then grins.  “I’ll text them.  Natasha’s gonna be your best friend, you know.”

 Now it’s Bucky’s turn to be confused, thinking Steve’s talking about the Red Room again.

 “She loves pineapple.”

[monxmonbebe]

Be My Bebe - Ch.1 The Competition

Genre: Fluff / Angst

Summary: A scramble of long-term best friends that have their own differentiating stories are known as Hyun Hee, Chan Ra, Kyon Rae, Ha Hee, and Sung Byeol have decided to enter their school's competition to be picked by companies to become an idol group. However, along the way, they've caught the attention of a certain group of boys, MONSTA X. The groups of students are given a chance to compete for an opportunity to achieve their dreams of becoming successful idols in the Korean music industry. Some friendships are made, and some fall apart. When it comes to debuting, will there really be no mercy?

A/N: Welcome~ I hope that you'll enjoy our story that has a different writer each chapter! We all have different styles of writing but we hope that you love our story!

Please comment! We'd love to hear from you guys!

- Admin Two-Timer

Kyon Rae POV

I could hear the pestering alarm wailing inside of my ears, wanting to take me away from my deep slumber that I was enjoying. Blaring loudly like a small crying baby that wouldn't shut up, making me want to throw it against the goddamn wall for there to be silence.

It was something that I had started dreading to hear every morning, being the essence of a fiendish demon that wanted to take me away into the fiery pit of hell aka school.

A place where young ambitious childhoods are ruined, annoying sweaty people who would be screaming in your already deaf-like ears on that damn stupid yellow bus with the crimson-red scratched up seats, and where almost all the teachers hate you but can't say that they do. So they instead always pick on you and grade your work, horribly when they're either drunk or high.

"I can recognize an old stain of amber bourbon anytime," I thought to myself. "Too often, which is what the girls always complain about."

I would reek of it when I came to that godawful school in the early mornings, most of the teachers don't usually say anything. Some innocent and don't know what it is, some not and know what it is but doesn't say anything due to laziness and the trouble that it'd cause.

Groaning while I was moving around in my warm bed, I placed my hand on top of the black and white alarm clock, lazily. Missed it a few times but eventually found the familiar smooth snooze button that would let out a tiny click when it was turned off.

I took my hand off it, letting it dangle down the twin bed, almost being able to touch underneath it. Almost that some kind of horrifying boogey monster could take my entire arm and rip it off, at least allowing me to have an excuse for getting out of school.

Then, again I'd probably be missing an arm.

Oh well, who needs arms anyways? Prosthetics look pretty cool, I could look like a mechanical robot or one of those badass transformers.

I could already sense the judgemental and disapproving look from Sung Byeol from my horrible logic, already. And then Chan Ra would be telling me how lucky I was for having an arm and how I shouldn't say things like that as we should be grateful for the things we had.

After my long-term struggle with turning off the snooze button and getting out of bed, I tried to turn over to the right side of my bed. But instead of walking out of it like normal, I had hastily fell onto the ground, face planting into the not-so-soft beige carpet.

It scratched my face, causing it to feel kinda itchy but there was no real damage done to anything besides my own pride.

"Ow.. fuck," I moaned, feeling the hangover that I had from last night. "Damn, I forgot all about that."

Probably shouldn't have drunk like 20-30 bottles of soju but that math final has been stressing me out far too long. It's killing me, from the inside out. I can't understand anything in that class, doesn't help when you got a bat-shit crazy teacher as well who hates your bloody guts.

Grades were never my thing, I never really cared about them either. They were just there to show me how shitty I was at everything, which I already knew.

Majority of them were Ds like in Social Studies, Health, and Biology. The few Fs that I had were in Math and Language Arts. However, there was something that I had an A in:

Music.

I've always liked listening to music, it was fun to listen to at times. Being able to take me away from stress and was one of the ways where I wouldn't basically destroy my body.

Now, I can't say that I'm really trying to get a good grade sometimes like the other girls who exceed above and beyond. But some of my teachers who have graded my work, they do it way harsher than others.

There was a time in middle school where I had completed all of my algebra work and had finished it, showing all of the work on a separate piece of lined paper but there was another girl who barely did it. She was the teacher's pet, an absolute snobby brat for sure, and would get full credit for her nothingness while I got plain o'l crap.

"Fucking bitch didn't deserve it.." I muttered, as I got up from my bed, groggily. "My ass should've gotten it, instead..."

Taking a few minutes to just sit on top of my cluttered bed, I turned my head to look out of my foggy window. It was dark outside, the skies seeming like it was going to pour harsh rain.

Stormy almost, threatening me to come out and just see its wrath. To strike me down with lightning and mess up my hair into those typical movie scenarios where it's all stuck up and having multiple burns on my skin.

God, I fucking dare it to happen.

I sat there in my bed, having that horrible feeling that I was going to die in like 5 minutes.

Ding.

Looking up, I pressed my chapped lips together, moving my head toward the peeling white nightstand to the right of my bed. My phone had lit up, brightly in the darkness of my room, from a message notification.

I peered at it, sluggishly, while stretching my arms out. They were hurting like hell from when I was laying on top of them.

From: Ha Hee

Hey, do you think you can give a ride to us? My car kinda broke down and all.

I already knew who she meant by us, the other girls. I texted my response back to her, slowly.

To: Ha Hee

Yeah, I'll be there in a bit.

As I got up towards my closet door, I forgot to tell her that I was pretty hungover from last night and that I shouldn't really be driving. But it was whatever, I was up already and she needed a ride, somehow.

After going through my small closet quickly, I threw on an ashy grey long sleeve with ghoulish black leggings, alongside some murky green laced boots. It was enough than the other things I had, better than my previous shirt that I was wearing with little orangey-green puke stains from god knows who and reeking of a thousand beers that would put cheap bartenders to shame.

I went to brush my messy hair that was full of cat hairball-like tangles, wincing as I continued to brush it, harder.

"I'm gonna lose pieces of my hair, eventually," I thought to myself. "Would I even still look hot bald?"

Finished with brushing my teeth and doing some heavy make-up, I walked downstairs to grab my car keys to leave. I didn't bother saying goodbye to my mother as she wouldn't care.

Ding.

Reaching into my deep pockets, I got my cell phone out and looked at it.

From: Ha Hee

Where are you?? You're taking a long time, no offense!

To: Ha Hee

Look, your house is far as fuck. If you can't wait, just walk your ass back to school.

Closing the door next to me, I fumbled my way into the driver's seat. I felt a bit bad about what I wrote but I was in a bad mood, maybe from the hangover.

Ding.

"Just ignore it, Kyon Rae. You'll be there soon," I thought to myself, buckling up my seatbelt and getting ready to head out.

-HA HEE'S HOUSE-

3rd POV

"Finally. I never thought you'd come," Ha Hee said as she got into the backseat of the car, making sure to get one by the window. She always liked sitting by the window and listening to music, it gave her a sense of calmness and peace, especially if it was raining.

"Don't test me, Ha Hee. I'm not in the mood, today," Kyon Rae grumbled, as the other girls hopped into the car.

"Woah, what's the matter?" Chan Ra asked, as she was putting on her seat belt next to Ha Hee. "Are you alright?"

"Nothing. It's fine."

Chan Ra made some tiny side glances to Ha Hee and Hyun Hee, her face contorting to confusion. She was always a worry wort, wanting to make sure that everyone was okay and too caring for her own good.

"Are you on your period?" Hyun Hee joked, trying to bring light to the situation and less awkward as she could tell everybody was. She placed her tanned arm onto the area that would pull the door open.

"What did you just say?" Kyon Rae said, gripping onto her leather bound steering wheel, tighter.

"It was just a joke, it's just- nevermind."

"How are you?" Ha Hee asked, pushing back her dark chocolate brown hair back.

"I feel like shit," Kyon Rae told her, bluntly. She didn't really want to tell them that she was hungover, they'd be concerned about her and her driving. Her thought process was if she managed to drive to Ha Hee's house, she was driving fine on the road.

"Why? Did something bad happen?" Chan Ra questioned, before having Hyun Hee touch her right arm and shake her head to not ask anymore questions.

Kyon Rae looked at her rear view mirror and angled it better to see them in the back seat. She hadn't noticed that none of them went into the passenger seat by her.

"I feel like you asked me to drive you as an excuse so that you couldn't drive. You're still scared of driving?" Kyon Rae told Ha Hee, who clicked her tongue.

"What? No..." Ha Hee sputtered out, crossing her arms against her chest which made Chan Ra laugh.

"Too obvious that you're still nervous after getting your license."

"Okay, kinda am but that doesn't mean shit, Hyun Hee."

[Two-Timer: Fun fact! I can't actually drive yet, I don't even have my permit unlike Ha Hee. I'll probably try for it this year but I am still very scared to drive lol]

-SCHOOL-

"Uh, uh.. I'm not going to class looking like this. I'm soaked," Kyon Rae complained, touching her black hair that made her look like a wet dog in the streets.

"You could've shared an umbrella with me but you didn't want to," Chan Ra told her, strapping her sky blue polka-dotted umbrella together.

She shook the rest of the water off her umbrella, near the glass door. Ha Hee rolled her eyes at Kyon Rae's behavior, wanting to get to class as she knew that Kyon Rae would cool down, eventually.

"Because I didn't want to," Kyon Rae said as Chan Ra backed away from her. "And roll your eyes at me again Ha Hee, it'll be the last thing you'll ever do."

As they began walking towards their first period class, they overheard some girls talking, behind them.

"Awh, is someone on their period?" A girl snickered, causing Kyon Rae to whip her head back to glare at them, anger showing on her face. It was somewhat alright when Hyun Hee said it to her but not someone else.

"Kyon Rae, don't turn around. Let's just get to class," Hyun Hee said, lifting her chin towards them. "They're not worth bothering about."

"What's the matter, bitch? Are you deaf?" Another voice shrilled. It was followed by a series of obnoxious laughter.

"Oh no, she didn't.." Kyon Rae growled, about to run up and yank that girl's Barbie-like hair until Ha Hee and Hyun Hee held her back before doing anything extreme. "Go ahead and try me!"

The two girls walked away, snickering as they watched Kyon Rae struggle against the strength of the other girls holding her back. She felt her face turn beet-red from frustration, shoving the other girls away and taking a step back to place her arm on her forehead.

A familiar light mousey-brown haired girl came over, after witnessing what had just happened and frowned, appearing to be upset.

"I'm sorry about them.." Sung Byeol mumbled, standing in front of the group. "I told them not to say anything or go up to you, but they wouldn't listen.."

"I don't understand why you still hang out with them since they treat us so badly. They're always so prissy and annoying," Hyun Hee said, watching Kyon Rae finally calm down after a bit.

"I know, it's just.."

RIIIIIING

"Oh, that's the warning bell. We should hurry or we'll miss class," Chan Ra fretted, looking over at the rest of the girls who had forgotten about class.

She quickly stuffed her nut-brown backpack into her firetruck red locker, letting them use it as well to put their things. They emptied out their textbooks and notebooks, stacking them neatly on top of each other. Ha Hee double-checked if they were fitting in well so, they wouldn't fall out when they reopened her locker.

They had Choir next which meant that they didn't need any of their things, for now.

"But they're in that class, also!" Kyon Rae complained, not wanting to move from where she was. She was planning to skip class.

"Ignore them, it should be easy for you to do since you do that to us all the time," Hyun Hee said, straightening her clean white t-shirt from wrinkles.

"Ugh, Sung Byeol you better keep them away from us or else," Kyon Rae muttered, following the rest of the girls but lacking behind them, slowly.

Kyon Rae was the last person to arrive to class, as usual.

-CHOIR ROOM-

Kyon Rae walked into the room, noticing that all of the girls had taken their assigned seats. Standing there in the doorway, not really wanting to go in and go to class even if it was choir.

They were somewhat close together, speaking to each other about some things that varied. Sung Byeol was asking how Ha Hee did on her math test which Ha Hee rubbed her neck, worriedly about her results in response. Chan Ra was reading over her Cornell notes and checking with others if they had the same thing that she did while Hyun Hee was snapchatting her little sister, laughing at the silly dog filter images on her phone.

People were minding their own businesses, chattering noisily among themselves with their friends as the teacher hadn't come into class yet. Laughter would erupt in one corner of the class, some discussions about their upcoming grades in another, people silently doing their late work, and many other things.

She eventually forced herself to go inside of the room but she noticed that someone was already in her seat.

It was a black haired boy, his face not being visible as his head was down. Appearing to be listening to music on his iPod, nodding his head along to the beat.

"That's my seat," Kyon Rae said to the boy, when she stood right in front of him. He didn't move an inch and seemed to be ignoring her which angered her, somewhat.

"Yah! That's my fucking seat!" she hollered, becoming more irritated as her shitty day went on.

A quite tall light blonde boy with a white t-shirt with indistinguishable graphics on them, ran up to the black haired boy and tapped his shoulder, making apologetic glances to Kyon Rae. He continued this until the black haired boy took out his ebony black earphones out, looking up towards the blonde one.

"Mhm.. What?" the black haired one asked, staring at the blonde.

"I think you're in her seat," the blonde haired guy noted, pointing towards Kyon Rae.

The black haired boy noticed her, taking a couple seconds to look at her before getting up from her seat.

"Sorry.. My bad," he said, starting to walk away from her seat and stood next to the blonde one by the back of the wall.

The slim choir teacher, Ms. Sun, walked inside of the classroom, briskly, and set her things in her little office that was cluttered with music sheets, unclean chipped coffee mugs, and unknown books that she would read in her free time. They only knew that she read them because of when students came in during her office hours when they were gone or sick.

"Okay, class! I have two very important announcements to make!" she bellowed out, strutting out from her office doors and into the center. She adjusted herself to the right, more.

Everyone had begun taking their seats but noticed seven unfamiliar boys started standing in the area where she was.

Low mumbles began filling the seats of the students, who were whispering to their neighbours and making eye contact with their friends.

"Who are they?" Chan Ra asked, when Kyon Rae had sat down in her seat next to her. She inched closer to her.

"How should I know?"

"You were talking to the black haired and blonde one."

"By talking, do you mean yelling at him to get the hell out of my seat without realizing he had his earphones in? God, that was fucking embarrassing."

"Why are you acting like this? And embarrassing..?" Chan Ra looked up, slightly giggling as she sat in her chair. "Why?"

"It's nothi-"

"Girls, settle down back there. You need to be quiet in order for the class to hear what I have to say," Ms. Sun scolded, loud enough for the other choir students to hear.

"Yeah, girls settle down!" a girl yelled, causing her to receive dirty stares from Chan Ra and Kyon Rae. You could hear Ha Hee mutter something about "annoying" under her breath.

Ms. Sun waited for everyone to become quiet by standing there silently until all noise ceased, making the boys feel a bit awkward. When everyone seemed to stop talking, she watched the students once more before speaking.

"These are our new students that will be joining us for the rest of the school year. Give them a big choir family welcome!" she announced, directing her hands from them to the students.

The students began clapping together, some of the guys making loud hoots and yells while the girls politely sat there, clapping.

"Introduce yourself, boys," Ms. Sun said, giving them a warm smile that was a tiny bit crooked that was oddly endearing to the students.

"Yo, my name is Jooheon! My close friends call me Honey andddd I love to rap," the one with a red cap on said, showing his tiny eye smile.

Hyun Hee took her eyes off her phone, setting down it down on her lap when she heard the word "rap." She's always loved rap, even practicing and making her own raps.

"He's cute," she said, causing everyone to look at her and for Jooheon to begin to smile.

"I said that outloud, didn't I?" Hyun Hee mumbled, her cheeks having a twinge of pink.

"Yeah, you did," Kyon Rae snorted, making Hyun Hee wad up a crinkled paper ball and throw it at her.

Hyun Hee focused back onto the boys and felt more blood rush to her cheeks when Jooheon winked at her, making her put attention to the unclean floor.

"Hi, my name is Minhyuk! I love mango flavoured things, especially ice cream, and I hope that we can become friends, soon!" the blonde one exclaimed, brightly and waving both of his hands out.

"Hey there~!" Sung Byeol's friend yelled out, flirtatiously.

"Fuck off.." Kyon Rae muttered, clearly annoyed.

"Stop being a savage.." Chan Ra said, trying to hold in her laughter from what Kyon Rae said.

Minhyuk awkwardly smiled, moving his hands slower. Ha Hee gave him a small wave as she didn't want him to feel awkward and unwelcome; she knew what it was like. However, she slightly regretted it as she felt kinda stupid, putting her hand away. But Minhyuk noticed it, feeling a bit better even if it was momentarily and grinned in the inside.

"Hello, my name is Shownu. Nice to meet you," a muscular tanned boy said, bluntly. "I like to work out, often."

He caught the attention of Sung Byeol, causing an "oooh" to escape her mouth, before she realized it and clasped her hands over her petite mouth. Shownu tried to hide his happy expression, looking away to the windows.

"Hello, I'm Changkyun," one of the boys next to him, with dark hair covering part of his face. The class waited for him to mention something else but there was absolute silence.

"Where are you from Changkyun?" Ms. Sun spoke out, trying to break the awkward tension.

"Oh, I lived in Israel when I was younger for 4 years and Boston, USA for 3 years," Changkyun added, nonchalantly. "My father works abroad sometimes so, I move around a lot. Never really staying in the same place."

"Man, I've never moved out at all," Ha Hee thought to herself, feeling the parallels between them.

She caught his eye, making them smile at the same time.

"Ah yes, hello! My name is Kihyun," one of the smaller boys with light brown hair introduced, bowing down. "I'm really good at singing!"

Some of the girls started asking him to start singing, making him blush as he felt a bit self-conscious of his singing as this was the choir class, after all.

"Well, hello cutie~" a random girl perked up from her seat. "Hope to see you a lot in class.."

Kihyun grimaced, which made Ha Hee want to burst out laughing. She giggled a bit and noticed Changkyun turn to Shownu, whispering something. He then nodded his head towards her, causing Shownu to raise an eyebrow at Changkyun.

"He better not be talking shit.." Ha Hee thought, wondering what the hell was up with him. "Shownu took a double-take when he looked at me, what did he say to him?"

"I'm Hyungwon and I love to sleep," a boy with bright brown hair spoke, nodding his head. The class laughed, the ends of his thick lips turning up a little.

Hyun Hee chuckled, it was pretty funny. It reminded her of Ha Hee who slept for hours, especially on the weekends.

Hyungwon saw her laugh and was pleasantly surprised that people thought it was hilarious. Although, it wasn't really a joke, he did love sleep.

"He's really tall," Chan Ra commented, noticing his stature. The black haired boy nudged him with his elbow, Hyungwon slightly grimacing when he did so.

Hyungwon looked towards Chan Ra and said," And you're really cute," before winking, as she turned hot pink in the face. She stared at her desk, not looking at his reaction after.

Lastly, there was the black haired boy that took a large step and started walking up towards the class, giving a large shy smile.

"Hey, my name is Wonho," he started off, thinking about what to say next. "And I LOVEEEEEE ramyeon to death!"

As the rest of the class started cracking up at the way he exaggerated his words, Kyon Rae noticed that he was staring at her when Ms. Sun finished introducing the boys.

"What?" Kyon Rae mouthed, seeing that Wonho was still staring at her.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he shook his head and looked away, smirking.

"Okay boys, take your seats. Class, I have a very important announcement!" Ms. Sun said, swishing her wavy light brown shoulder-length hair. "Very exciting news that you may be interested in!"

The 7 boys sat down, near the front where they could see her.

"There will be an idol competition held in 5 weeks and several big companies will be coming to the school to check out any groups that are interested in becoming trainees. I hope you all will participate!" she presented, putting her hands together. "Feel free to come grab the flyers after class."

"Omg, omg, omg! Can we do that, please?" Chan Ra asked, shaking Kyon Rae's shoulders, violently. "Let's sign up for it!"

"Uh, why are you asking me?" Kyon Rae inquired, after Chan Ra stopped shaking her.

"Because you're the oldest," Ha Hee piped up, raising her eyebrows.

"Even if we did sign up, we aren't even prepared. We need choreography and a song," Kyon Rae pointed out, leaning back in her seat.

"We're never prepared and you know that. We're a horrible group of procrastinators," Hyun Hee said, turning around in her chair. "I think we could probably manage it."

"That's so contradictory, Hyun Hee."

"I know it is, Ha Hee."

Kyon Rae sat there in her wobbly seat, contemplating it for awhile. She let out a heavy sigh when she saw all of their hopeful faces, staring up to her.

"Fine. After class, I'll go sign us up," Kyon Rae chose, letting all of the girls cheer.

-AFTER CLASS-

"Go ahead guys, I'll meet you at the lunch line," Kyon Rae said to them.

She was getting the rest of her things when another of Sung Byeol's friends walked over to her and uttered, "Don't bother signing up, you don't stand a chance with my group," while looking her up and down.

Kyon Rae wanted to punch her in the face.

"Hey, leave her alone and just sign us up.." Sung Byeol rushed over, carrying her textbooks along.

"Whatever," Sung Byeol's friend rolled her eyes, walking away.

"Sung Byeol, what did I tell you? Next time your little friend won't be so lucky," Kyon Rae warned, scowling as she stormed off to the Choir classroom.

Kyon Rae entered the Choir room and found the vibrant animated posters on the white plastic table, next to the sign-up sheet with a pencil. She went to sign her and the other girls up, before she realized that someone was standing next to her. She quickly finished and handed the person the pencil.

"So, you're signing up for this too, huh?" she heard a familiar voice say, turning around to see the black haired, Wonho.

"No, I just wrote my name for fun," Kyon Rae remarked, sarcastically as she strutted out of the classroom.

"Woah, would you like fries with that salt?" Wonho interposed.

"Haha, you're so fucking funny," she replied back, going around him and still continuing to march away.

"Sarcastic much? Anyway, do you have a group name, yet?" Wonho asked, running closer to her as they turned a corner down the hall leading to the cafeteria.

"No."

"No? So, what did you write down?"

"You're so fucking dense, I wrote down all of our names! What else? Do you have a group name?" Kyon Rae snapped, stopping before going on, again.

"As a matter of fact, we do! It's Monsta X."

"Monsta X? What does it even mean?"

"It's French for my star and the X is for the unknown. Pretty cool, right?" Wonho told her, getting next to her and opening the door to the cafeteria.

The waft of cruddy cafeteria food wafted in, being much warmer than the hallways that they were in. Nevertheless, they quickly grabbed some things from the salad bar and all in a hard plastic pthalo-blue tray, Wonho purposely bumping into Kyon Rae as she tried to pass through.

"Monsta X, really?" Kyon Rae said, placing her bitch face on. "Why not Monster X or Monstar X?"

"Because!" Wonho grunted, frustrated at her response. "We're original unlike you guys."

"Just shut up," Kyon Rae said, brushing past him and walking over to the line where the rest of the girls were while, Wonho walked to where the other boys were.

"Hm, where should we sit?" Chan Ra asked, seeing that all the rectangular tables were packed already. Usually, they'd have their own table but they were waiting for Kyon Rae to come back from signing-up. As a result, they didn't have a place to sit, anymore.

"Oh my fucking god.." Hyun Hee said, staring in a certain direction in the cafeteria.

She continued staring, not explaining what was happening to the others. They looked at each other, having bewildered expressions.

"What?" Kyon Rae asked, gripping onto her tray, tensely.

"Look!" Hyun Hee perplexed, taking another glimpse before turning back to them.

"Loo- Oh, you've got to be fucking with me?" Kyon Rae scoffed, annoyed. "Are you really getting excited because Jooheon is waving for us to go sit with them?"

"Yeah, I am," Hyun Hee huffed, shrugging her shoulders as she walked towards the guys' table. "He's cute.."

"That's what you say about every other guy!" Kyon Rae pointed out, heading over as the other girls followed, behind.

"Shut it and don't say anything about that near them," Hyun Hee hushed her, sending a quick glare. "-Hi, guys!"

"Hi!" Minhyuk welcomed, cheerfully to them with a sparkling smile.

He recognized Ha Hee, the one who waved to him in first period. She was standing there awkwardly, which he didn't want to make her feel like how he did, in the morning. He waved to her but she looked away at the moment he did.

All of the girls replied back with another greeting, bowing slightly as they beamed. They began to place their burdensome backpacks on the benches, about to get ready to sit down on the long white cafeteria tables.

Hyungwon slides down from where he was sitting with Wonho, going next to Chan Ra who moved closer to Ha Hee, who raised her eyebrows at the sudden movement.

"Sit here," Jooheon said, pushing his backpack off next to him so, that Hyun Hee could sit next to him.

"Okay."

As Hyun Hee sat next to Jooheon, she immediately felt him put his long arm on the side of her waist. However, Jooheon was used to affection and was merely doing that as touching affection was something that just came to him, normally. But it sent a different signal to her, making her become hot in the face.

"Oh my god, what is this boy doing?" Hyun Hee thought to herself, her mind racing with several thoughts.

"Jesus.. They might as well make their relationship public," Ha Hee whispered to Chan Ra, who was sitting next to her.

The girls began digging into their lunches, while the boys talked about random things. They nodded occasionally to each other, being very shy to start conversations with each other.

10 minutes later..

After a while, Ha Hee felt someone staring at her. She looked and realized that Changkyun was staring at her.

When he noticed that she caught him, instead of looking away and being coy, he held up the peace sign. The sleeves of his black jacket slid down his pale arm, elongating it.

Slightly befuddled, Ha Hee sent a peace sign back. She smiled out of awkwardness and he smiled back, almost seeming like a smirk.

Later on, Changkyun went up to throw away his trash which was all the way down the lunch room, not caring about the whispers and casual looks from everyone else. Wanting to get up to go after him, she waited for a couple minutes to be "inconspicuous" before doing the same.

"So.. What did you whisper to Shownu?" Ha Hee asked, catching up to him as he threw the rest of his lunch and dirty napkins in the giant trash can. "After you finished introducing yourselves this morning?"

"Nothing," Changkyun smirked, standing there. "Absolutely nothing, why do you ask?"

"Okay then, why were you staring at me just now?" she followed up, crossing her arms.

"Awh, you're so cute, asking so many questions," Changkyun said, swiftly squeezing her cheeks and going back to the table.

"But you didn't answer.." Ha Hee mumbled, frustratedly when watching him leave.

She was suddenly taken back by the sound of Chan Ra's voice, who was walking with the girls alongside the guys.

"Ha Hee! Are you coming with us to the soccer field or are you going to be standing there all day?" Chan Ra called as they walked out of the cafeteria.

"C-Coming.." Ha Hee replied back, blushing from the incident that had just happened.

-SOCCER FIELD-

The other girls and guys had left after the sky had started becoming dark, only a couple of people being left in the soccer field. Hyun Hee and Kyon Rae, who were planning to walk home together and Wonho and Hyungwon that were gonna stay out to go practice, after.

Hyun Hee gandered over the freshly-cut grass soccer field and observed from afar that Kyon Rae and Wonho were fighting about something.

"How are you two fighting and you guys just met?" Hyun Hee wanted to know, getting closer which was a mistake that she regretted, instantly.

"Because he's so DENSE," Kyon Rae jeered, sending multiple daggers to the person in front of her.

"Oh, I'M the dense one?" Wonho yelled, holding his fists back against his dark jeans.

"Yes, you ARE as a matter of fact," Kyon Rae retorted, becoming more aggressive.

Hyun Hee watched them, fighting about something that probably wasn't even that important like little children. She crossed her arms, her upper lip raised.

"They argue like a married couple.." Hyun Hee spoke, indistinctly.

"You can say that, again," Hyungwon said, standing right next to her. "It's actually ridiculous, I tried separating them but they wouldn't leave each other which is confusing."

She realized that Hyungwon was one of the only people at the soccer field, forgetting that he was there. That he didn't leave with everyone else.

"I thought you were going to play soccer?" Hyun Hee asked him.

"Everyone kinda left," he noted, having his lanky arm out to showcase the dead field.

They began sitting down on the juniper-green grassy ground where they were at. Hyun Hee placed her head onto her knees, feeling her light-wash jeans rub up against her chin.

"Ah, yeah.."

"Well, I was playing soccer by myself until those two started arguing and I decided I'd spend some time with you," Hyungwon confided, humorously.

"That was so fucking cheesy," Hyun Hee answered, facing him with a grin.

"Don't blame me! Kihyun's the one who keeps saying cheesy shit," Hyungwon joked, putting his hands into the pockets of his beige trench coat. "How can you not when you live with him 24/7?"

Hyun Hee laughed, making Hyungwon smile as it's been the most friendly thing that's happened to him that day. It was even better that he had made someone laugh.

"Can I just say that you have a really cute laugh?" Hyungwon interrupted, abruptly. "In a non-flirty way, of course."

"You have a really cute smile," Hyun Hee riposted, still grinning. "In a non-flirty way, of course."

"And you're just really cute," he countered, raising both of his dark eyebrows. "In an extremely non-flirty way.. of course!"

"Well played," Hyun Hee replied, turning her head away from him to check her watch.

Hyungwon looked down, pleased with himself. He started feeling really happy, being able to be himself around someone.

"At least, I've made one friend here in this new school," Hyungwon thought, light-heartedly. "That's something good that happened, today."

Before he could talk to Hyun Hee again, Kyon Rae and Wonho must've broken up somehow during their talk. They were calling out to them, to come over where they were.

"Yah! Hyungwon, are you coming or not?" Wonho hollered across the field, making a cone with his hands to amplify his voice.

"Coming where?" Hyungwon yelled back, placing his hands down onto the ground that he was just getting comfortable on.

"To practice for the competition, of course! What else?" he yowled out, waving his hands around.

"Alright, I'm coming!" Hyungwon shouted, helping Hyun Hee up from the ground.

She brushed the bottom of her blue jeans off, hearing Kyon Rae's deafening voice from afar. Slightly groaning, she turned her head to Hyungwon who shared the same sad smile.

"I'll race you," Hyungwon offered, wanting to still talk to her more. "For fun.. Of course.."

He tried to resist not smiling when he said that.

"Hm.. Ready, set, go!" Hyun Hee went, getting a completely unfair head start.

"H-Hey! That's not fair!" Hyungwon called after, starting to run after her.

"You have long legs, you'll have catch up," Hyun Hee retorted back as she laughed, very much ahead of him. "..Of course!"