#And of course we always need more YA about friendships rather than being romance focused (though this has an unrequited aspect of that)

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Stuck In Her Head

short contemporary YA coming-of-age set in Hong Kong, following two teen girls who are friends

one is a musical prodigy but has lost her passion and wants to explore different possibilities for her future

the other is passionate about music but dealing with mental health & family issues

the latter develops a crush on the former, who is aroace, and they have to re-navigate their friendship, while working on a music/coding competition project together and dealing with their own issues

[alj4890]

And Then I Left You

(Thomas Hunt x oc*Amanda) in a "what if" version to the RCD/TRR fan fic And Then I Met You Series

A/N This was one chapter that I couldn’t find a way to divide up. It’s a tad long, but let’s just say that what we have been waiting on finally happens.

@krsnlove @my-heart-beats-for-ya @aworldoffandoms @flyawayboo​  @trappedinfanfiction @everythingmarvelsherlockspn  @sophxwithers @kate-mckenzie @twinkleallnight

Masterlist

Chapter 6 The Chase is On

Cordonia, The Royal Palace...

Glancing at his door, Drake set his coffee cup down to see who was knocking in a persistent and irritating manner.

"Hey. Where'd you disappear to last night?"

"What were you doing with Thomas Hunt?!" Amanda stormed into his chambers and shut the door. "I thought you were my friend!"

Drake rolled his eyes. "I see you're in your usual, reasonable state of mind."

"Just answer me this." She took a deep breath to try to remain calm. "Are you on my side?"

"Come on, Amanda." He muttered. "Of course I am. That's why Hunt is--"

"I don't want to hear anything about him!" She snapped. "I don't care why Thomas is here." Her eyes narrowed on Drake. "I simply want to know that I can still depend on you to help me if I need it."

He folded his arms. "I'm trying to help. If you would just--"

"That's all I needed to hear." She twirled around and quickly left his room.

Dropping his head back, Drake groaned in frustration. He then searched for his phone to send a group text to Thomas, Liam, and Maxwell.

Drake: A's been by showing that she's just as stubborn as before.

Liam: I will have a talk with her. She can't ignore me during this social season.

Maxwell: 😬 Is this the same A we grew up with? She ALWAYS finds a way to wiggle out of stuff she doesn't really want to face.

Thomas: I think my only chance is to irritate her into finally speaking to me.

Drake: Maybe you can corner her at the derby.

***************

The Derby...

"Now remember, you have to remain pleasant whenever they bring Thomas up." Nadia whispered.

Amanda grit her teeth. "I can fake it for a few minutes."

"That a girl." Olivia encouraged her as she stepped up to talk to the reporters.

"Your grace!" Ana smiled warmly. "Welcome home."

Amanda's answering smile was more natural at that opening to her interview. 

"Thank you." Her eyes lifted to the crowd of people milling about the track. "I didn't realize how much I missed Cordonia until I came back after such a long absence."

"It must have been a surprise to come home and discover that you are to take part as one of Prince Liam's suitors."

"Quite." Amanda shrugged with a smile. "I know though that his royal highness will choose a lady that will make all of Cordonia proud."

"How do you rate your chances?" Ana continued. "Given your closeness over the years, do you think you have a better one than the other suitors?"

"Not at all." Amanda gripped her hands together. "I believe that Prince Liam will give every lady a fair chance to see if they are meant to be his future queen."

Ana's attention drifted over Amanda's shoulder. "There you are!" She motioned for Thomas to come forward. "Perfect timing. I was about to ask how things are going with The Earl's Undoing."

The duchess stiffened when he stepped up next to her and set his arm around her waist.

"Everything is moving along as expected. Our only hiccup is Ryan's need to extend a promotional tour of his last film." Thomas turned toward Amanda. "Lucky for me, her grace has been so understanding."

Amanda felt her cheeks heat up with color. "I'm certain anyone would understand a need to wait on one of their leading actors."

"You'd be surprised how many refuse to hear the real reasons behind delays."

Against her better judgement she lifted her eyes to his.

An apologetic smile formed on his lips. He kept his gaze on her face as he spoke. "I intend on making it up to her grace once everything is ready to begin."

Amanda's eyes narrowed more in confusion than anger. She didn't know what to think about that or any of what he was hinting at. Her curiosity was starting to override her furious pride.

"Does this mean you might have to push back its release date?" Ana asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"Possibly. We will know more once filming begins." He explained.

"Speaking of dates, I noticed that both you and Simone Carmichael just so happen to be here at the same time." Ana grinned at him. "Are you spending these next few weeks with her?"

Thomas had to grip down hard on Amanda's waist to keep her from walking off.

She had lowered her head so that her large sun hat hid her annoyance. He still caught the brief twist of disgust on her lips.

"No. I had no idea Simone was coming here." He bit down on his tongue when he felt Amanda pinch his hand. "From what I gathered, she came here strictly to do a photoshoot for you."

Ana chuckled. "Well, that and I might have hoped once I knew you were here too to help romance along."

"Forgive me." Amanda said sweetly. "But I must join the other suitors."

"There isn't anything to help along with Simone." Thomas gripped a handful of material at the back of Amanda's dress to keep her in place. "I wish her nothing but luck in her career and personal endeavors."

Ana didn't bother to hide her disappointment. Her eyes then lit up when she focused once more on Amanda. "Your grace? You know Thomas well. Which of his recent dates do you think was the most successful?"

Amanda could feel Thomas stiffening next to her. One quick peek revealed his frown firming while he waited to hear how she would respond.

Unable to believe her luck, or rather lack thereof when it came to her own personal romances, a laugh escaped her lips.

Thomas nearly cringed from the sharp, bitter edge he and those who knew her well could only detect in what was usually a warm, carefree sound.

"I wouldn't dare to presume Thomas's heart." She made a show of checking her watch. "I really must be on my way."

"Thank you, your grace." Ana added. "And Thomas," she winked at him, "I'll be watching you and those who visit Cordonia."

"Let. Go. Of. Me." Amanda hissed once they were well past the press.

"I need to speak to you." He insisted.

"You're ruining my dress!" She whispered harshly. "If you let go of me then I will listen."

She couldn't believe he actually believed her lie. Once his fingers eased, she made a mad dash through an opening in the crowd.

"Amanda!" He tried to keep an eye on her as he was forced to pause here and there to keep from mowing people down in his pursuit.

The last glimpse he caught was seeing his escaped lady ducking into the suitors' tent.

*******************

"Riley got into Liam's tent safely." Maxwell whispered. "Operation Big Apple is officially a go."

Nadia giggled. "Good. I hope we can find them a lot of special alone time. It's going to seem so weird to Riley being basically courted like a contestant on a reality show." Her nose wrinkled. "It's a shame they never got to go on real dates before all this."

"It will work out." Maxwell told her. "We'll--" he saw the one who really needed help and waved. "Thomas! Up here!"

"What are you doing?" Nadia didn't bother to whisper. "He's the enemy of our friend!"

"Babe, he's so not the enemy." Maxwell grinned at her anger mounting. "If you would hear him out, you'd know just how bad he has it for our friend."

Nadia hmphed as she watched the still an enemy in her eyes climb the stairs of the section they were seated in.

"How'd it go?" Maxwell asked.

"I was making some headway until Ana brought up Simone being here." Thomas sat down next to them. "Then she escaped before I could get a word of explanation out."

Nadia's delighted smile held a hint of evil.

Maxwell shook his head in exasperation over the two women he knew and loved. "Will you tell my wife," he whispered, "without mentioning a certain someone's name, why you went on those dates?"

Thomas eyed him then frowned at Nadia. He tried not to think too much about how he must be desperate to continually open up to these people who were practically strangers. He had a hard enough time doing so with his own friends. Accepting help from Amanda's had to mean that even he was unaware how much he must love this woman who refused to be near him. 

"I wanted to make certain it was her I wanted instead of just someone."

Nadia's brow furrowed. "You didn't know?"

"I did to some extent. But before I took a chance on ruining our friendship, I wanted to make certain."

"And every one of his dates was a bust." Maxwell added. "Nobody could measure up to our Aman--her."

Nadia looked back and forth between the two. "Oh. Then why did you come early?" 

 Thomas glanced around to make certain no one was listening. "I was asked by someone how I felt about her."

"Key component of operation Big Apple." Maxwell added.

Thomas merely quirked an eyebrow at that cryptic statement before leaning closer. "I told him I am in love with her and he planned on me being here for all this," he gestured around, "so that I could be with her in secret." His eyes flickered to the suitors' tent . "But she won't allow me to tell her how in love with her I am."

Nadia remained silent after his heartfelt confession. Maxwell shared a concerned glance with Thomas at his wife’s unusual reaction to something that would normally make her squeal with fluffy feelings.

"That is the most romantic thing I've ever heard!" Nadia clapped her hands over her mouth.

"And we have one more for team Thomas." Maxwell announced with glee.

******************

The Royal Palace grounds...

Thomas stood off to the side with Drake, Maxwell, and Nadia as the ladies of the court lined up to greet the queen. He scanned the overly eager smiles and excited whispers of many of the young women hoping to catch Liam's eye. A slight smirk formed as he noticed just how uninterested Amanda seemed with it all.

Her facial expression was one of calm neutrality. She didn't gush when Liam walked by, merely curtsied and bowed her head. A genuine smile flashed across her lips when he paused to say hello. Other than that, she might as well have been standing in line for some mundane task.

Once the queen and Liam chose their partners for the croquet game, she and the remaining ladies were forced to follow along and clap politely for them. Thomas caught a few of her eye rolls each time someone complimented the prince on his amazing form with the use of a croquet mallet.

"Things must have gone well in the tent." Nadia whispered. "Look how happy Liam and Riley are together."

"I knew it would." Maxwell boasted. He then noticed Amanda trying to peek over towards them instead of focusing on the game.

Her hat helped shade her eyes as she ever so often turned to look at Thomas. The slight tightening along her lips was the only indication that she didn't understand why those closest to her were hanging out with him.

Thomas noticed and met her gaze with his own questioning glance. Her body stiffened in response before turning her attention back to a game she had always found immensely boring.

"Wow." Drake whispered. "I'm impressed. I've never known a simple look could irritate her that much."

"Will there be mingling anytime soon?" Thomas asked.

"Once all the fawning is done, we'll be able to eat and mingle." Maxwell explained.

"Good." Nadia placed a hand on her stomach when it gurgled. "I hope it's soon."

It wasn't long before Liam and Riley won, causing many to surround him to offer their congratulations.

Drake snorted. "With how they're acting you'd think he just became some conquering hero of a war or something."

Thomas had lost sight of Amanda when the crowd of ladies surged. As Liam politely excused himself, while holding fast to Riley's hand, he managed to get through and find an empty table.

"We better join him before he's surrounded again." Maxwell tugged Nadia along with him.

"You coming?" Drake asked when he noticed Thomas's hesitation.

"I was trying to see where Amanda went." His eyebrows lifted when he noticed her talking to the queen and pointing directly at him.

Her smile was a bit unnerving with the smug triumphant he could so easily see.

Much to his surprise, she began to walk over with the queen just a step ahead of her.

"Your majesty," she said sweetly, "allow me to introduce Mr. Thomas Hunt."

"A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hunt." Regina greeted him. "Her grace tells me you have quite the interest in Cordonian history."

Thomas blinked. The only history he knew had been interested in was whatever took place in  Amanda’s book. "Er, yes. After reading Amanda's story, I have wanted to see the fields and buildings where it all took place."

Regina smiled in approval. "Then I am most happy to be your first guide."

"My first what?" His brow furrowed.

Amanda laughed softly. "You are a lucky man, Thomas." Her eyes sparkled with imminent victory. "Queen Regina knows every historical happening that occurred on the palace grounds."

"You flatter me, your grace." Regina fondly replied. "Now go and participate with Liam and the others. I will make sure your Mr. Hunt is taken care of."

"You don't need to--"

Amanda curtsied and interrupted his attempt to get out of this. "You are too kind, mam." Her smile grew at Thomas's shock. "And don't believe a word Mr. Hunt says about not wanting this tour. He is afraid of irritating people with his need for extensive detail."

His eyes narrowed at her success with getting rid of him for the remainder of the afternoon. Little did she know that he was not going to go down without a fight.

"Perhaps her grace can join us, since it is her book that sparked this interest."

"She can once the tea is over." Regina took his arm. "Now then, let us start over there with the apple trees that Queen Odette planted for each child she bore."

Thomas frowned at Amanda's unabashed glee as he was forced into this. He knew he should be pleased that she couldn't chance being within the same area as him, but he had intended for today to be the end of her not listening.

He was ready to do whatever was needed to finally tell her what was in his heart. If need be, he would sneak into her chambers and force the issue. Yet...with her anger, she might use that as a way to make him leave her country.

Two hours into the tour, his prayer for escape was answered. Regina was summoned by the king for some matter or another. She quickly gave her apologies and insisted he go enjoy himself at the tea party.

"And do give my apologies to Lady Amanda." She said as she paused at the door. "Let her I know she can tell you even more stories from the past than I can."

"Thank you." Thomas bowed his head. "I intend on claiming her attention as soon as I find her."

***************

Amanda had known as soon as Thomas disappeared with the queen that he would find a way back to the party. There really was only one option she had if she intended to not be confronted once again with whatever he felt the need to talk about.

But how could she sneak away without anyone noticing?

She grimaced at the ruby red dress she had on. It practically screamed designer and had drawn a lot of attention. With the floppy sun hat and heels, she couldn't have been less prepared to escape into the capital. She set her barely touched teacup down and began to walk the perimeter while trying to think of a plan.

"What are you doing?" Drake asked when she walked past him.

"Hmm?" She paused, preparing to glare at him. Then it hit her. If there was one person in the world who knew a way to get out without being seen, it was Drake. "Remember our conversation this morning?"

He eyed her warily. "Yeah?"

"Then let's get out of here." She whispered.

"Why?" He nodded toward the banquet being set up. "You love those pitiful excuses they call sandwiches."

"I'd rather have a cheeseburger."

His eyebrows lifted. "Really?"

"I missed breakfast." She whispered. Which was true since she was afraid of bumping into Thomas in the palace dining room. "This tea isn't going to hold me over until dinner."

Drake hesitated. A big part of him was ready to fall into her plan for his own sake. If he heard one more lady giggle while saying how strong Liam must be to swing his mallet, he would end up saying some kind of snide remark. He hated seeing his best friend be showered with phony attention.

But then again, he had promised to help Thomas with talking to Amanda. Shouldn't he find a way to keep her here so that they could finally put an end to her stubborn refusal? Of course, he could use the time alone with her to help ease the way for Thomas.

"After we eat," Amanda added, hoping to tempt him further, "we could find a place to play a couple of games of pool." She held her purse up. "I'll even buy the first two rounds of drinks."

She really is desperate for a break, he thought.

"Deal." He nodded toward a gap in the hedges. "When I say go, you head straight through there. I'll meet you down the hill in a few minutes."

She beamed at him before doing as she was told. As she hurried down the hill, she couldn't help but chuckle at her finding yet another way to avoid Thomas. Now she wouldn't have to worry about any confrontations or declarations or anything she didn't wish to hear.

This day was turning out better than she thought.

***********************

At a dive bar...

After grabbing a burger at some little hole in the wall place, the two had searched for a bar that they wouldn't be bothered at. The one they decided on was barely lit inside with an occasional neon side here and there. The few patrons sitting at the bar seemed the type to mind their own business and expected others to do the same.

"You sure about this place?" Drake asked. He felt a little uneasy at the type of patrons here.

"It's a bar without nobles or press." She pointed out. "This is exactly what we need." 

The two wandered over to an empty pool table. Drake handed Amanda a pool cue then proceeded to rack the balls.

"You going to finally tell me why we left the tea party so quickly or not?"

Amanda shook her head. "How about a drink?"

He mentally shook his head as she ordered for them both. She was getting worse. Before news of Thomas’s dates had aired, Amanda had been more willing to talk about him.

"Are you going to break or what?" She asked.

Drake leaned down and struck the cue ball.

Two solids went in.

"Guess I'm stripes." She muttered.

Eyeing the other patrons, Drake sidled up next to her. "Maybe we should go somewhere else."

"Why?"

"Because you are in a fancy dress!" He hissed. "A dress that looks like you stepped out of one of those old paintings in the palace with ladies sitting in the gardens or something.

Amanda wrinkled her nose. "I don't think anyone here cares about that."

"Why did you decide to leave the tea party?" He demanded.

She leaned down to line up her shot. "Because I didn't want to stay."

Drake's head dropped forward in frustration. "Why?"

"You know why!" She twirled around to face him causing her skirt to flare out in an elegant spin. "I did not want to be cornered by Thomas again and forced to listen to him talk about his love life!"

"Amanda, do you know why Thomas is here? Alone?"

"I don't." She stuck her nose up in the air. "And I don't want to. What he does is none of my business." She took another shot. "And I intend for us to be nothing but workplace associates."

"And people call me stubborn." Drake grumbled. "Liam invited him here. If you would just--"

"Hey!"

The two turned toward a large, bald, burly man. The black leather vest he wore had on it what appeared to be a bleeding skull and other lovely items of death.

"This guy bothering you?"

Amanda relaxed. "No. But thank you for coming to check on me." She gestured toward Drake. "He is actually a friend of mine."

Casting a warning glare towards Drake, the intimidating man then faced Amanda. "I know you."

She highly doubted it. "You do? Forgive me, but I can't remember our meeting before--"

"You wrote that book." He stroked his beard while staring at her. "What is it called?"

Drake's eyes widened. "You read The Earl's Undoing?"

"That's it!" He snapped toward his other companions.

Four more heavily muscled bound men walked over and was introduced to the duchess.

Drake mentally groaned at the bodily harm that he knew was about to befall him.

Amanda was delighted if he was to go by how bright her smile was directed at the men she was introduced to.

"Did you really like it?" She asked. "I was worried that many wouldn't give it a chance being about people who aren't well known."

"We did." The one introduced as Breaker replied. "My sister has talked of nothing but your book since it came out."

The first one, who said he was known as Crow, spoke up again. "My mom loves it." He smiled, revealing a few missing teeth. "You mind if I call her and have her come here to meet you? She doesn't live far."

Drake cleared his throat while edging around the bikers surrounding Amanda. "We should probably head out. We--"

"Of course I don't mind." She waived off Drake shaking his head. "We can stay another hour or so if you want to call her." She smiled warmly up at Breaker. "If you think your sister might want to also, I would be more than happy to meet her too."

The men excused themselves, yelling to the bartender to give her whatever she wanted and to put it on their tab, and stepped outside to make their calls.

"Okay. We're leaving." Drake whispered. "There's a back door over by the restrooms." He nodded toward the other side of the bar. "I'll go first and--"

"But why?" Amanda sat down on a barstool. "I can't leave with their family members coming here."

"Did you not notice the fresh blood on that one guy's shirt? All the scars? The weapons?" Drake ran an agitated hand through his hair. "These aren't the kind of men you sit down and talk regency romances with!"

"But they approached me about that very thing." She whispered back. "If you want to go on back to the palace, I'll be fine--"

Drake held his hand up to make her stop talking. "I don't know why we're arguing about this. We're--"

"Arguing about what?" Crow asked.

"You sure this guy ain't bugging you?" The shorter of the five asked from over Drake's shoulder.

"I'm sure." She replied with a laugh. "Thank you though, Gearhead." She tilted her head towards Drake. "He's more like a brother to me and likes to try and be an older one at that."

The bikers looked on Drake with some respect.

"Hard enough making a sister do anything, much less one that isn't related." Breaker grumbled.

He slapped Drake on the back. "You're a good man for looking out for her."

"Thanks." Drake managed to say once he was sure no bones were broken.

While the bikers sat down next to Amanda to ask her more about her book, Drake sent a quick text to Thomas.

He knew if there was any chance of getting out of here safely, he would need some help.

******************

An hour later...

Thomas's entrance went by unnoticed.

The only sound in the bar was Amanda, reading her novel before a small crowd of some of the roughest individuals he had ever seen.

They were captivated as she added emotion to the dialogue.

After ordering a drink, he found a seat towards the back that allowed him a perfect view of her.

She gave her thanks as one of the bikers poured her another cup of tea when her voice cracked. She then continued with the passage that held her audience on the edge of their seats.

Elizabeth rode as if the very hounds of hell were nipping at her heels. Every moment that she felt slipping away meant that she might be too late.

"Eliza!" Marija called out. "Turn north!" She whipped her horse to catch up. "It is a shortcut to the abbey."

The two ladies continued down the moonlit road, each praying for the man they loved.

Reginald and Arthur were already in the field that would decide once and for all who would be with Elizabeth.

Arthur removed his great coat followed by his jacket, cravat, and vest. "Here." He handed them to his brother. "I'll fence better being unencumbered."

Reginald did the same. He then tested his rapier, moving it faster than the eye could follow.

"Brother, I beg of you, stop and consider what you're doing," Carlisle spoke in a low tone. "Please, don't do this. Sir Reginald has never been bested. You must--"

"I have to." Arthur snapped. He placed a hand on the younger man' shoulder. "When you lose your heart to someone one day, you will understand."

"This isn't love." His brother insisted. "This has been an obsession, one you refuse to let go."

"Some would say that the two are one in the same." Arthur rolled his wrist, testing the weight of his own rapier. "Now, forgive me, but I must fight for my chance with Elizabeth."

One noble who had journeyed with others to this spot to make certain honor was upheld in the duel motioned the two combatants to the center.

He dropped a handkerchief, causing the two to rush each other. Their swords let out a screech of metal as they slid over each other.

Arthur barely deflected Reginald's strikes.

He really is the best swordsman in Cordonia, he thought.

"Oh!" Crow's mom gasped. "This is my favorite part, your grace."

Thomas knew it was his too. He found himself leaning forward as Amanda continued after thanking the elderly woman dressed from head to toe in leather.

The two fenced, each with a determined fury to be the man to have Elizabeth all for himself.

They ended up face to face during a violent block.

"Elizabeth loves me." Arthur snarled. "She has been mine far longer than yours."

"That might well be so." Reginald spat. "But not only am I in love with her, I'm the only man she has ever been betrothed to. She is my intended. The Queen was the one to settle that Elizabeth will belong to no other but me." His eyes narrowed with the hatred he felt towards this man who dared to try and steal her away. "She is mine by right! Not yours!"

They pushed away and began to strike with more fury.

Each burned with a desire to permanently eliminate the one who stood between him and a lifetime of happiness.

The one that made them doubt that they held Elizabeth's heart.

Breaker's sister sniffed while wiping her tears. "Here it comes." She whispered.

Amanda yelled out Elizabeth's words.

"WAIT! PLEASE!"

The two noble ladies on horseback rode directly onto the field.

Before either could react to seeing the very one they were fighting over,  Elizabeth slid out of her side saddle and ran to Arthur.

The bartender cursed out loud. "Elizabeth chose that bastard over Reginald?"

"Hush!" Breaker's mother told him. "Listen."

"Elizabeth." Reginald whispered, as he saw her take Arthur's hand and yank him further down field.

He gripped his sword. Anger fueled his body as he was forced to see the woman he loved choose another. He took a step forward to finish this duel and destroy Arthur once and for all. Yet something made him halt and watch his Elizabeth talk with the man she had met first.

Crestfallen and heartbroken, Reginald took one last look at the lady who had once been his then turned to collect his things.

I must leave, he thought to himself. Elizabeth deserves to be with the man she loves. I can't take that away from her when all I've ever wanted was for her to be happy.

He handed his rapier to his man servant. He then began to put his coat back on.

He was startled when a pair of arms embraced him from behind.

Turning abruptly he noticed a somber looking Arthur speaking to his brother and Lady Marija.

Elizabeth lifted her eyes to Reginald's face, taking in every feature she adored.

"Eliza," Reginald stepped back and took her hands. His eyes dropped to the ground as he spoke, unable to see her disapproval for his rash actions, "forgive me for trying to take the one you--" he noticed her damp skirt and silk dance slippers.

A surprised yelp escaped her lips when he picked her up and carried her over to a moss covered boulder. Her concern mounted when he knelt before her.

"Reginald, I--" her breath caught as he began to use his discarded cravat to tenderly dry her feet.

"You're going to catch a chill or worse if you remain out too much longer." He took a deep breath to calm his renewed anger over her having such a man to look after her. "Arthur should see you home at once."

Elizabeth cupped his cheek urging him gently to look at her.

"Why would I allow Arthur to take me home when I would much rather be with the man I am in love with?"

Reginald lifted his eyes to hers. "Eliza? Do you mean--" 

"I love you, Reginald." She scooted off the boulder and into his arms. "You are the only man I can ever see myself married to." 

Even in the early blush of dawn, he noticed her cheeks coloring from her admission. As if desperate to prove her heart was his, she slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him. His arms wrapped around her, holding her close as he responded to her sweet touch. When they broke apart to catch their breaths, their smiles were nearly identical with their joy. 

"Eliza,” Reginald pressed her hand to his heart, "my love, my very being is and shall always be yours."

Amanda shut the well worn copy she had been given to read an exert from, thanking the group when they applauded.

She stepped off the stage and began to sign the copies they had brought.

"My lady," one of the bikers placed his hand on her shoulder. "You aren't like those nobles we always read about."

"Thank you, Ink." She patted his heavily tattooed arm. "I promise there are more out there, like Prince Liam, who care and want to listen to the people."

"Your grace," Crow's mom pulled her into a brief hug. "This has been the best surprise yet at this bar." She turned toward the others. "Right?"

Many murmured their agreement while some others spoke of the time Arnie threw a full keg at a guy who came in causing trouble as their favorite surprise.

"Will the movie follow the book, my lady?" Breaker's sister asked.

"Yes, it will."

Amanda whirled around at the sound of the deep voice she knew so well.

"Thomas! What are you doing here?"

He briefly shrugged while moving to stand a little in front of her.

"I plan on it being as if the words Lady Amanda wrote came to life." He explained to the group.

"You're that Hunt guy." Ink narrowed his eyes. "You better have treated our duchess like she deserves."

"Mr. Hunt has been nothing but kind." Amanda quickly spoke up. "He might love my book more than anyone."

"I do." Thomas said softly.

He took her hand and held tight when he felt her trying to tug it away without making a scene.

"If you will excuse us," Thomas met each of the suspicious pairs of eyes on him, "I need to speak to her grace about my plans in Cordonia."

Crow shared a glance with his comrades.

"It's fine with us as long as she wants to go with you." He replied.

Thomas cocked an eyebrow at Amanda.

Seeing no way out of this without causing a problem, she wished the bar patrons a good night and promised to visit again before she left the capital.

Drake breathed easier once they made it out the door.

"That might be one of the weirdest experiences I have ever had." He muttered as they walked to Thomas's car.

"They were sweet." Amanda glanced back at the building. "I never dreamed that people like them would enjoy my-"

"Get in the car." Thomas bit out as he held the door open for her.

She stiffened once more, remembering how angry she was with him. "I think I'll walk."

Drake didn't bother to mask his groan at her response.

Thomas tossed him his keys, told him to drive back to the palace, and grasped Amanda's arm. He guided her on into the night.

"I meant alone." She grumbled.

Thomas remained silent.

She huffed at that. "Why did you come to the bar?"

He abruptly stopped in his tracks. His grip on her arm caused her to stumble back against him.

She looked up at his face made harsher by the shadows and low light of a nearby streetlamp.

"Do you have no knowledge of the danger you placed yourself in? Do you have any idea what they would have done to Drake if those men had not been fans of your novel? To you?!"

His questions struck like a whip as he held tight to her.

She glared defiantly up at him. "I've been on my own for many years, Mr. Hunt. I do realize the danger, yet since those men were gentlemen I saw no need to treat them any differently than someone kind I meet at a palace ball."

"Your stubbornness is going to be the death of me." He let go of her arms, took her hand, and continued to walk the path back to the palace.

She twisted her hand to set it free, then jerked him to a stop once more when he refused to let her go.

"Why were you there?"

"Drake texted for my help in getting you safely out of that bar."

"And why does he have your number? And why are you reading texts?! You hate texting."

His eyes narrowed. "I never hated receiving texts from you."

For some reason that he didn't understand, that made her angrier than anything else he had said to her.

"Why are you mad at me?" He asked. "Is it because of--"

"You never told me!" She shoved away from him when his grip loosened. "We talked everyday, Thomas. EVERYDAY! Texted one another multiple times each day." Her eyes sparkled with tears. "I told you private things about myself that I never shared with any other person." Averting her eyes, she took a shaky breath. "And you couldn't bother to tell me you had begun to date again."

"Amanda, it isn't what you think. Those dates were nothing more than--"

"I don't want to hear it." She stepped out of reach. "I see now that I took advantage of our living arrangement and thought we had a closer relationship than we did." She looked up at him, trying to not let him know how hurt she was. "Like I said at the masquerade ball, I will treat you only with a professional courtesy and not involve you in anything personal."

"If you would let me explain why I did what I did--" his eyes widened when she jogged off to get away from him. "Amanda!"

She paused, gripping handfuls of her skirt. "I only want to know one thing. Why are you invited to the events?"

"Liam invited me." He replied. "He came to my home during his bachelor trip and we discussed you."

"Me?" She paled. "Why?"

"He believed that you have feelings for me and didn't want to possibly choose you when you could be with the one you want."

"He did what?" 

She covered her face. She couldn't believe Liam would do something like this to her. She didn't know if she would ever get over this embarrassment.

"Liam then asked me how I felt about you." He added. "And I told him that I am in love with you."

Her head snapped up. "You told him what? Why?" Her brow furrowed. "Are you trying to protect me from something?"

"No. I told him because I didn't want to lose you in case he decided to choose a friend to marry." Thomas replied. "He then invited me to every social event so that I could secretly be with you."

"Then why the mass amount of dates?" He could hear her anger once more in her tone. "If you are so in love with me that you journey to Cordonia weeks before you planned, why did you date so many different women as soon as I left your home?"

Thomas guided her into a small park near the gate of the palace. He gestured toward a bench for her to sit. When she stubbornly refused to budge, he tugged her over and used his weight to force her down beside him.

"I prefer to stand." She grumbled.

 "And I prefer you sitting beside me." He countered. 

She scoffed while folding her arms and staring off into the distance. 

"I didn't want to take a chance on hurting you." He began. "I--" 

"Hurting me? How?" She removed her sun hat when she bumped him with her trying to face him. 

 He repositioned on the bench and set his arm across the back of it. "I was worried that my attraction to you was formed from you simply being near at hand."

 Amanda's brow furrowed. "I see. So, you decided to start dating to test whether or not that was true?" 

"Yes." He gently brushed a curl back that had been caught up in a breeze. "And every single one of them proved that I wasn't simply lonely." His fingers slid down her cheek. "I was lonely for you." 

Thomas inched closer to her until he could easily slide his arm around her. "When Liam came to my home and told me you were his suitor," he paused, searching for the right words, "I've never felt so hopeless in my entire life. I thought in that moment I had truly lost any possible chance to be with you." 

Amanda lowered her eyes. "I felt the same way when I saw the footage of your dates." 

He cupped her cheek, carefully urging her to look up. "Those dates were nothing. There was no affection, no spark, nothing remotely romantic." 

Her eyes searched his for the truth.

He waited patiently for her to say something about his confession.

Eventually she blew out a frustrated breath. “I don’t know what to think.”

“Would you like us to try and be together in secret?”

She quirked an eyebrow at him. “Would you? You've never struck me as the type of man who enjoys subterfuge.”

A hint of a smile appeared on his lips. “True, but I could last a few months doing so just to be with you.”

“We would have to be so careful.” Amanda blinked in surprise at herself for even considering doing this. “Even this,” she gestured to his arm curving around her, “would cause a scandal. Which, though it would eliminate me from being an acceptable choice for Liam, it would cause a great deal of damage to my standing within the court.” Her nose wrinkled. “I wouldn’t mind that so much but I need their support from time to time for votes that could affect the people of my duchy and for the various charities I am over.”

“Then we will make certain no one sees us.” He pulled her closer. “With your friends assistance, I think we can find time to spend alone.”

She felt her heart pick up speed as it finally registered that not only had Thomas confessed his love for her, but that she was about to do something so daring. 

“Amanda?” He leaned closer to her, giving her time to make a decision. His lips brushed her cheek. 

She swallowed before meeting his lips with a tentative kiss. She should have known that any kiss they shared could not remotely be considered chaste. It was all she could do to keep up with his passionate response.

After a few moments that felt all too brief, he eased away. “We better get you back to the palace before someone notices you're gone.”

“Drake is probably waiting by a side door we usually use to let us in.” she mumbled when his lips brushed hers again.

“Then we shouldn’t abuse his friendship.” He forced himself to move away from her. 

Taking her hand in his, he led her out of the park.

The clock tower chimed the late hour by the time they found Drake leaning against the palace’s east wall with his arms crossed. Noticing that the two were still holding hands without Amanda arguing had him smiling in relief.

“Everything good?” He whispered.

The couple shared a look before both nodding.

“Thank God.” His voice returned to its normal gruff nature. “I was about to resign from trying to convince Amanda to hear you out.”

[ihopethisendswell]

My Computer Is Terrible So I'm Stating My Story Ideas Here Part 10: The Part 2 of the other Part

So so so

Part 2 of the other part which is part 9 and this is part 10 so it's a sequel part

Okay okay okay

Here we go!

Going full ramble again! You have been warned!

So right now Leon, Sonia and Raihan aren't on the best terms after their Big Fight™

So except some back handed insults now and again.

And soon they get to the point where they're just tearing at each other

But not yet

That's for later :)

But they still have to co-op to together if they want to save their kingdom

So yeah they're pretty sour at the moment

They eventually reach the sea side where the ordered(?) a ship to reach to Eternatus. Cause it's on a isolated island

And the ship captain is none other than Nessa, the most feared captain of them all.

She takes after her cousin Archie

Yes I'm making them cousins in this Au fight me

She is often called The Siren given her beauty and deadliness

So why would she be the one to help a royal like Leon

Well she was the only one willing to go and Leon had to pay a lot to get her to cooperate so-

Yeah

But you'll never guess who else is one the ship

Hop and co!

The only reason they're even on I'd because Piers is friends with Nessa

They go way back

So it's like a favour or something

Now Hop didn't know that Leon was going on this specific ship

So you could imagine the reunion

Leon isn't happy btw

Bede is being smug about it like " I told you so" but Marnie shuts him up

Piers tries to defend Hop which honestly cause Leon to relent

So now not only Sonia is with them, but now three teenagers and a thief( I decided to make Piers the head of a big thieves guild....and possibly former duke?)

Which is just so many casualties

This is the part where we really drive home that Leon has this unhealthy way of thinking that he has to take care of everything as king.

This as always been a thing, since his parents died and Rose ( unintentional or not) telling him that everything is on him, and only him.

He didn't even want Raihan to come since he feared how would get hurt or worse

But Raihan is a strong fighter, the best in the kingdom so he can count on him

But Sonia? Sonia quitted becoming a knight a long time ago. She may know the basics but she can't really hold her own

At least that what he thinks

And now his precious little brother is one the same ship with him plus Roses mentor and two thieves( though they do seem chill)

He can't risk them getting hurt. He can't

But we don't have time to unpack all of that!

Cause ya wanna know who else is on the ship? Alexis and co! Boom!

But they actually snuck on because they heard this ship was going where they needed to go to save Naomi and honesty they rather not pay so-

Sneaking it is! Though it's hard cause N is very tall and green hair is quite noticable

But they manage

Until Alexis hears Hop trying to explain why he's on the ship in the first place

And he mentions word of a girl named Naomi

Who is his cousin( I should mention that in Alexis' and Elliot's dream Naomi tells them her name for reference)

Tis triggers something in Alexis and causes his powers to go haywire

Causing him to expose himself and the other two

And everyone is about to attack him cause he's an intruder

And Elliot gets defensive cause " that's my brother you fuckers!"

And N is trying to calm the situation down ( as a means to not get anyone hurt and to atone for his actions as a former prince)

Then Leon is like " wait your the guy from the market!" And before Alexis can respond his powers end up sparking a lot which causes him to double over in pain

And by this point Elliot is panicking cause her brother could possibly die

N is trying to heal him but him alone isn't enough

Then Bede says he could help!

And it's revealed that the boy is half fae!!! Since his hair covered up his ears most of the time!!!

He was told to repress his fae side by Rose in fear of getting hurt( and that having a fae would cause some chaos that he can't control and Rose must have control over thingd to make sure things are good)

So Bede and N heal him, Bede being half fae REALLY helps

So much so that it seems that whenever Alexis uses his powers they don't hurt him as much as it did before

Which is cool and all but he can't really in a child forever that would be wrong

So for now it's a temporary solution

Now everyone is a bit calm now, minus the million questions that Hop and Sonia is asking Alexis

Eventually the two parties( Alexis and Hop) spill they're story and when Alexis confirms that Naomi is very much real Hop is overjoyed and is like " See!!! I told you!! I told you she was real!!!" And everyone rightfully apologizes to Hop

Honestly the revelation that Naomi is in fact real made is already terrible mental state worse cause that means he's been discouraging his little brother for so long and he starts going through what Alexis went through in game canon as " What if I was a better brother,"

And Nessa is over here a bit annoyed that there's a bunch more people than expected but Leon reassures her that they'll pay more and Sonia suggest that they'll work on the ship as well and Nessa ain't complaining to that!( Especially because one of them is a cute red head)

So now bonding time!

Leon, Raihan and Sonia still aren't on the best terms

In fact they've been avoiding each other a lot

They're all stubborn

Though they do miss each other a lot

Hop and Sonia bombard Alexis with questions that he honestly doesn't know the answer to

Elliot is a bit of flirt, flirting with both Nessa and Sonia

She managed to get Nessa flustered at some point and will never live it down

But then she notices that the two of them have a connection and she's like " oh I see" and she's not even mad about cause that just means she has more victims to tease endlessly

Which also somehow worked into them getting together but that's for later

Marnie forces to Bede and Hop to talk out they're issues cause she's grown tired of it, and they do and reach a better understanding of each other

Hop the tells them about Naomi and about his dreams

They take it the wrong way, because of course they do, but he assures them that he only see's her as a friend.

Marnie is shown to be the most curious about who Naomi is.

Raihan and Piers start to bond

Piers was a former duke of a failing/dying nation(? Idk what to call it) and had to resort to thievery the keep things a float. Hence meeting Nessa

He doesn't hate Leon by any means but is always ready to point out his privileged lifestyle before bonding with Leon himself as older brothers

He also bonds with Alexis and Elliot for their mutual love for music

This is where the shipping starts

Alexis and Leon haven't properly interacted before this point. It's mostly small talk

But! Leon has always been fascinated by Alexis, given his tendency to keep to himself and his curse

So one night on deck Leon wakes up( woke up from a nightmare of loosing everyone. Y'know. The usual) and was about to go back to bed when he hears singing

At first he thought it was Piers,as he's known to sing and they've all heard him sing before BUT!

When he listens closely he realizes that it's not Piers

So he goes out to investigate

And it's revealed to be Alexis!!!

And his voice is so beautiful!!!

It's a contrast to his speaking voice , while still quite, his singing voice is more softer and smooth.

His singing voice is much more sadder than his usual stoic monotone voice

And Leon is completely enamored.

Not to mention that Alexis isn't wearing his cloak that covers the majority his body, so this is the first time Leon has gotten a clear view of him and

The man is , mm, I would say infatuated. A small crush begins to form

Alexis' song is a sad one

He sings about the pain he's going through and how he wishes he didn't involve those he cares about

Which really spoke to Leon. Like a lot

Because parelles babeyyyy

But when Alexis notices Leon's snooping he calls him out, pretty embarrassed

Cause the only person he ever sang in front of is Elliot, Cheren, Bianca and his parents

So having Leon there, a stranger,is embarrassing

Not to mention that he's not very proud of his appearance via the curse

He's been called a monster by someone on the ship prior and while Nessa was quick to snap at that person it still took a blow to his already low self-confidence

Leon begs to differ but he doesn't know that, and even if he did it's more of a him thing that he needs to get over .

After a quick back and forth they end up talking and just....spilling everything

Alexis talks about his time as a chosen one, his battle with Ghetsis, his scar his curse, and especially his want to do this alone to protect others

While Leon talks about his fight with Raihan and Sonia, the disconnect between the three, how he feels like an awful older brother to Hop, the pressure if being a king after his parents, the guilt he feels for dragging everyone into this mess

Both of them don't know why they're saying this. They're both pretty secretive about how they truly feel, but it's incredibly late, and the two are in a vulnerable spot so it kinda just comes out

After a while they both go to bed with a strange but welcomed friendship!

I just wanna say, if I ever do write this, it's not gonna be entirely romance focused.

The ships will be there, but like, the amount of character set-up I did prior demands a lot more attention soooooo

Especially with Sonia, Raihan and Leon's whole conflict!

I hope I didn't misrepresent their characters here!

But yeah

This got very long very fast so part 3 is in order!

TDLR: Leon and Alexis needs a hug, and I feel like this is going to be a series within a series

[r00en]

Still Good Chapter 3.

Listen! I have no excuse other than I wanna give All Might a damn heart attack.

Toshi seeks advice from his new student on matters of the heart and fumbles his way into you’re apartment for some romcom shenanigan. 

All Might/Reader (oc)

It had been weeks since Toshi's first meeting with that bright young nurse new to UA. If he was being honest he would have liked to spend far more time with her than his current scheduled allowed. Unforgettably between training young Midoriya, his hero work and even the winding down of his involvement with his agency he was far busier than he had been in years. Leaning back against the creaking old beach chair Toshi allowed his mind to wander. Those soft hands, that kind smile, that rushing feel of cool warmth running through his body and numbing that dull ache in his side. All he really wanted to do was sit back and let her take care of him again, after all she did offer her wonderful services. He wondered what else she could do with those hands...

The thought made him sit up suddenly coughing almost violently into his hand. Coating his palm in a thin gloss of blood that he quickly wiped onto his sandy pants. "What a horrible thing to think about a fellow colleague.." he grumbled, watching Midoriya try and hall a rather large dresser from the edge of the beach to the truck. Thoughts like that kept popping in at the worst possible moments and here was no exception. He should be focused on his new student! The entrance exam was fast approaching and here he was having creepy day dreams in the middle of exercises. "A TEXT IS HERE! A TEXT IS HERE!" As if on que and to stroke his embarrassment farther his phone buzzed in his back pocket and of course he scrambled for it as quickly as his lanky fingers would allow.

"Hey hot shot! The entrance exam is coming up! Got any good lesson plans yet or do you just plan to pose at them till they learn something?"

They had been texting like this for a while now. She would tease him or show him something she was working on for the nurses station. New sheets for the cots or a new filing system so Recovery Girl didn't need to do so much paperwork. Always excited about something or asking him to check her work which he was happy to do. But he missed her. That was normal right? They were friends and missing a friend was a rational and natural thing to feel. He kept telling himself that and so far it was working at keeping that feeling of being an old creep away. His eyes moved back to the boy trying to tug a heavy wet trash bag through the deep sand. "H-hey Young Midoriya!" The pop and smoke giving way to his hero form to quicken the walk to the poor tired boy.

"All Might? What's up did you need something?" The bag hit the ground with a gross moist 'shluk' as he wiped his brow of the dripping sweat. Toshi had to admit the boy had come a long way in this sort amount of time. Pushing himself far beyond what he had intended in his work our routine was paying off he had to admit. But he was also young. Had his ear to the ground so to speak on social matters. If he could just be descreet and sneaky maybe he could gain some much needed insight on his new found 'friendship'. 

Coming to a stop and taking a quick look at his impressive work so far All Might tried his best to play it cool and casual. "Something like that, you see I have a question for you if I might." His voice boomed over the crashing waves in the background so he bent low, trying to hush himself as if what he was asking were a secret of some kind. "Hypothetically say you wanted to speak to someone, though a text message but you didn't want to annoy that person or come across as clingy and desperate....how quickly should one respond to a message. Hypothetically of course! I just don't want her to get the wrong impression you see!" 

Izuku stood wide eyed for a second before he tapped his chin with his finger. "A girl? Oh like a girlfriend? You have a girlfriend All Might?" 

As if he was suddenly struck by lighting Toshi jumped back, covering his face with his large muscled hand. "Of course not! It's not like that at all! She's a friend from work that's all! A simple acquaintance! A colleague! Business!" He had hoped the dark light of dusk would hide the bright bloom of red that now heated his face and ears. "That's the thing I don't want to come off looking wrong you see? How would you respond professionally?" 

"You're asking me?" Izuku questioned, head tilted as if he was fully lost at this point. "Well I don't have experience with girls, or business for that matter. Gee I don't really know. How did you act when you are at work with her? Wouldn't it be best to act natural and like yourself? She may think it's strange if you force anything." Such wise words from such a young heart. It almost brought a tear to his eye. Toshi thought a moment "Casual...we only spoke briefly the first time we met and after that it was in fact rather casual as you said." Truth be told they had been texting near constantly over these past few weeks but it had been so organic that up until now he never needed to second guess himself. The nerves of his earlier vision must have flustered him enough to over think things. "What did she ask All Might? If it's alright for me to know..." 

"Huh? Oh yes, the lesson plan for the first semester." 

"So she's a teacher?" 

"The new nurse, attending with Recovery Girl. But she's a brilliant support hero who apparently did front line work back in the states. Paladin I think her hero name was?" 

"THE PALADIN?" Izuku was suddenly frantic, waving his arms and muttering in that high speed rant he so often slipped into. 

"I take it you know her then? Even if she's outside of Japan? You sure know you're stuff kid-" 

"KNOW HER?! She's only one of the coolest support hero's ever! Her healing quirk allows her to heal so rapidly that even the strongest attacks hardly have any effect on her! She wears villains out by letting them beat on her until they are so exhausted she doesn't even need to fight! Plus she can amplify other hero's strengths and help them boost their quirks making them unstoppable! She even had her arms ripped off once and they just grew right back it was insane! Her quirk is said to be one of the most versatile out there right now, though she has very little offensive ability she's still able to fight the toughest bad guys head on, I can't believe she's gonna be at UA this year! Did she get a transfer or something, last I heard she was working in the states so what brought her all the way to Japan I wonder." 

"You're creepin' me out kid!" A swift chop to the head silenced the boy quickly and between his shy apologies and attemps to explain himself Toshi couldn't help but swallow the lump that formed in his throat. Her arms got ripped off?! That tiny, sweet little thing was hurt so badly who knew how many times. Could something like that really be brushed off so easily? Images flashed through his mind of the worst possible scenarios and he had to shake himself to get rid of them. "She does sure sound powerful...but with wounds like that it's no wonder she might want to take it easy and become a school nurse." That must have been it. While helping her grandmother surely was a major factor Toshi couldn't shake the feeling that it was something more. A fresh up and coming super star hero like her just deciding to stop. If her quirk really did heal her the way everyone thought it must have been something else that pushed her away from hero work. What that might be left him feeling sick to- where his stomach should have been. 

Midoriya stayed quiet for once, watching the different expressions run over All Might's face. Even in his hero form he was getting easier to read. "I might not know much about girls or business relationships but it sounds like she wants to talk to you...you should respond. Don't worry about looking strange, just be yourself!" All Might watched in awe as his young protege grinned up at him with confidence. He had a good heart in him, though Toshi was sure this sort of advice would be ignored by the kid himself when it came time for his first crush he was thankful for such honesty. And it was damn good advice. He had been getting by so far on his own just fine, better than fine even. They talked every day like it was second nature. Always showing each other new things or chatting about little annoyances of the day. It had been a long time since he had ever had someone to really talk to about nothing and everything all at once. It made his days a little easier to cope with even with all the massive changes in impending feeling of defeat he had to beat off every night. "Thanks kid." Toshi grinned, smoking rising from his shoulders before the inevitable poof that reverted him back to his weaker form. "Ya' know you're pretty smart, didn't peg you at the romantic type." 

The poor green haired student turned into a blushing mess, tapping his fingers together and wiggling on the spot. "Ah g-geez it's not like I know anything about romance it just seemed like the right thing to say, but wait I thought you said it was just a work thing...does that mean it is romantic All Might?" A stream of blood sprayed from between his tightly clenched teeth. "Young Midoriya this beach isn't going to clean itself! Break times over my boy get back to work! I wanna see at least 1/3rd of this beach cleared out by the end of our session tonight! LET'S GO!" Too caught up in the sudden demanding boom from his idol Izuku quickly started jogging back to his junk pile. "Right Away Sir!" 

Romantic. It wasn't anything like that. Sure she made his heart thud right out of his chest when ever she so much as looked in his direction, and he was sure he could literally hear the blood rushing through his veins when ever she sent a picture of her doing even the most mundane tasks but there was nothing romantic about their interactions. She was a good friend. Toshi hissed softly and covered his scar, the pain was back. Not horrible but he couldn't keep going like this. He had been ignoring it more than usual these past few weeks, telling himself his pain medication would do just fine and there was no need to bother the nurse with such a trivial matter. She wouldn't see it that way though. No, he would surely be scolded for not coming right to her when it flared up again. But he couldn't find himself too upset about that now. Maybe just one visit would be fine. They could catch up and talk and maybe that would even out his nerve a bit. Yeah. It was a professional visit. 

 "This isn't weird at all." Toshi told himself as he stood in front of her apartment building. "Just taking her up on her offer, that's not strange right?" His knees were shaking. Why were his knees shaking? This was stupid. Regardless of how much he wanted to turn and bolt down the street his feet pushing him forward to the stairs. "I think she said she was on the third floor? Or was it forth....damn we didn't talk about this much maybe I saved it somewhere..." Flipping his phone open he scrolled through the many texts from the last few weeks, stopping at a few goofy pictures of her holding his merch looking utterly shocked at the abundance of his face literally everywhere. "All Might underwear! No way I have to buy some even if I just frame them! This is so weird! Japan really goes all out for this sort of thing huh? We never do this in the states, only kids lunch boxes and t-shirts mostly. Maybe a poster. Aww look at this little key chain! Did you pose for all these? This one dosn't even have your face!?" Toshi had long since grown used to seeing himself everywhere. Before his injury it was in fact a pretty decent point of pride for him. Now it was almost a dark reminder of the past, a past he was slowly being dragged away from day by day. A time he would never get back. But seeing her look so utterly smitten with an All Might plushy wasn't the worst thing in the world. At last he found a saved message with her address "...I was really off it's-" "Five, you're almost there big guy." 

Her voice had him jumping out of his skin, clutching his heart and gulping in deep breaths of air as he stumbled back and gripped the stone half wall behind him. "Geez you nearly gave me a heart attack! What are you doing out here?!" Trying to calm his thundering heart he watched as she threw her head back and laughed in that joyful tone he missed so much. Spinning on her heels to give them a bit of distance from her sneak attack. 

"That's my line! You're the one outside my apartment building in the middle of the night. I thought you were still in Tokyo what gives? I only caught you cause you're so tall and that wild hair of yours." She grinned up at him, settling her laugh and readjusting her hold on what looked like a few shopping bags. 

Toshi pulled himself together and stood as straight as his slumping shoulders would allow. "Sorry, I know this is out of the blue...I don't have a great excuse for it....I was just in the area and thought I would check up and see how you're doing." His hand instinctively moved to his left side and she took notice right away. "You should have come sooner you know....I was worried with how busy you seem to be that you hadn't stopped by to see me OR grandma in these past few weeks....is your medication doing enough?" 

He didn't really want to respond to that. He could lie and tell her it was working great...it wasn't. It dulled the pain at best and allowed him to suffer through his worst days but only just. He could be honest and tell her he's been craving her help, and the feel of being able to breath again but that seemed too desperate. "It's.....fine." He settled, letting his hand fall to his side. "Look I don't really want to trouble you, it was rude for me to just stop by like this unannounced. I-" Her tiny hand silenced him quickly as she shoved a finger so close to his lips his warm breath bounced back in his face. 

"Nu-uh! I told you to stop by if you're in pain! I was the one that offered in the first place. Besides it's not like I have anything else going on. It's no trouble at all. Plus..." she held up the shopping bags and gave them a little jingle "I got some of that soup you mentioned." God she was wonderful and Toshi found himself lowering his shoulders and following her lead up the next flight of steps. The promise of some nice warm food, relief from this weeks long pain and her company enough to shut up his nerves for now. 

As she opened the door to her apartment Toshi noticed she almost forgot to remove her own shoes at the entryway. Stumbling back to kick them off haphazardly before moving into the small kitchen. He hadn't been in an apartment like this in years. Since his time at UA as a kid maybe. He had run off to the states so quickly after the fact that he never really had a chance to live in one during his start as an out of school hero. Still he stood there next to her shoes, if this was a short visit he wouldn't need to come all the way in. Putting a bit of formality in the situation might ease his tension a bit. She noticed and peaked around the door way, waving him in. "Come on come on. Don't loom in the door like a vampire. Make yourself at home! Oh shoot!" She stumbled out and headed to the small living and bedroom area. Her futon was still rolled out with it's blankets thrown across the floor. The kotatsu at least was put up somewhat properly with the blanket folded carefully to the side. "I always forget these shorts of things...lets see...you roll this part first...or does the pillow go in like a sleeping bag....no that's too bulky...." Toshi watched her struggle for a moment. 

'Her tongue hangs out between her lips when she concentrates....'  He felt his cheeks flush for a moment before he kicked off his own shoes, moving them off to the side and attempting to give her a hand. 

Once the kotatsu was set in place and the blanket smoothed out she clapped her hands together and let out a long breath, as if they had just finished moving in a whole apartments worth of furniture. "Whew, we never had to do this sort of thing back in the states. No matter how small your apartment was everything always stayed out. Sometimes the couches would lay flat like a bed but otherwise....this is much nicer to look at though. A single room can change so much so quickly! Plus much less to clean." As she set about putting the pillows down and placing a few things on the table for them to eat with Toshi made himself busy looking at the odds and ends in the apartment. It was older, much older than it looked from the outside. The floors were even a more traditional mat style over the hard wood in newer buildings that he was used to. The give felt good on his joints and would be far more comfortable for his boney body to sit on. That goodness for small favors...the rest of the apartment was rather spare however. Nothing stood out as being very decorated. A small book shelf held what looked like basic medical volumes as well as Japanese law and etiquette lessons. She was trying her best, it was so cute. Everything looked clean at least. Tidy and well kept. He watched as she moved into the small kitchen taking note that it just seemed to be the genkan, hall, kitchen, main room and bathroom. Toshi worried if he changed form in here if he would even fit. 

Her voice threw him from his thoughts and he swiftly moved to the kitchen to join her. "S-sorry?" 

"You don't like it spicy right? I would assume too many spices might upset your stomach." A poor choice of words on her part but he just chuckled and gave a nod. "Y-yeah, if it's not too much trouble. Plain is fine. I'm used to it that way now so it's no trouble." 

Making himself busy he washed his hands and pulled some of the vegetables from the bag. Her small cheery smile giving him the go ahead to help, not that she would have been able to stop him regardless. She was going through all this trouble to suddenly have him as a dinner guest the least he could do was chop a carrot or two. This was nice. Quiet. Neither feeling the need to talk and Toshi found himself watching her bounce to the time of his knife strokes next to him as she stirred the broth and made sure to check the rice. Was this what couples did? It didn't feel very friendly....it felt more...domestic. Like a long married couple just going through the motions content to be near each other. It warmed his cheeks and she slipped past him to grab something from the fridge flashing him a smile as she moved back. 

Did she always look so beautiful in her nurses uniform? It had it's own charm sure but the cute checkered apron she wore now in her house slippers and smaller glasses, hair tied up in a big bun and a smile on her face that looked so relaxed and at ease. He felt a flutter push up his chest and into his throat which triggered a mild coughing fit. One he was quick to turn away from the food and aim through the door. 

"Oh Toshi here....is it the steam? This room isn't very well ventilated I'm sorry." She was already on him, rubbing his back and smoothing his hair down softly with those little hands of hers. Fussing over him and feeling the rattle in his chest with a worried look. He gave her a wave and accepted the small handful of napkins she offered him for the flecks of blood that painted his hand. "N-no no you're fine. It happens. Sorry...I don't mean to put you off the food." Her only response was a little shake of her head. "No way, I've seen far worse than a little cough like that. You should see my trying to chop onions. My nose runs for two days and there's nothing I can do to stop it!" She made a face that made him laugh as the both turned back into the kitchen. Looking to his left he noticed the small control panel next to the stove. "Oh! No wonder. Here..." Reaching over her shoulder he pushed a few buttons and the over head fan popped to life sucking out the moist air so they could both breath easy. "It controls the bathroom too, see here this one will heat your bath water or heat the whole bathroom, this one is for the heated rack to dry your cloths....most of this looks like it's for the air. Didn't they teach you to use this when you moved in?" 

She looked about ready to kick herself. "N-no way! This whole time I've been here and I thought it was just an old building it had all this?! Agh stupid! I should have asked grandma when she came to visit!" Toshi smiled down at her as she pressed forward to look at the small panel. This angle made their height difference glaringly obvious and he found himself red faces and stuck to the spot. So tiny, so warm. He could just wrap his arms around her with ease from here. Scoop her up and press his lips to her forehead...maybe plop her down on the kitchen table so she was level with his mouth and- 

"T-t-the broth!" He yelped, pointing to the bubbling pot on the stove that threatened to boil over. Saved. She rushed over to turn the heat down and Toshi secretly wished he had a dial for his racing heart rate. That was close. Where the hell did that come from?! Swallowing hard Toshi looked back to his half chopped carrot and tried to pull himself together. 

CREEPY! That was creepy! Who the hell thinks of their coworker like that!? Was that normal? 'Pull it together you idiot! Don't ruin this!'  "Toshi" 'She's being so nice to us, don't ruin it by being a perverted old man!'  "Hey Toshi" 'Oh man she was so close I could smell the soap on her....smells kinda nice....vanilla? No! Stop it you're only making things worse! You're here to have her patch you up and go home to an empty sad apartment!' "....hey you alright?" 'Shoot how long has it been? What am I doing?! What is she doing she's so close again! Damn it say something!' "ALL MIGHT!" 

Suddenly the whole kitchen erupted in a thick cloud of smoke and there stood All Might in all his All Might glory...just ducked down a bit to fit the tiny space he was trapped in. The poor nurse was suddenly thrown back, hitting the ground with a dull thud. "Ow...geeze if you're gonna do that warn me next time would ya'?!" 

The massive mountain of a man blinked, still stuck in place with his hand gripping the ceiling to keep himself upright. "Ah....Oh no! H-here let me help you!" Trying to shuffle around the tiny kitchen All Might bent lower to scoop her up in his bulky arms and wiggle his way out into the hall where he let her stand by the door. "S-sorry about that...I-" He turned back and at an odd crouching kind of walk moved to take the pot off the burner and click the rice cooker to drain. Lucky nothing was ruined in his little outburst. He had no idea what just happened. One second he was having a mild inner panic attack and self loathing episode, the next she wwas calling out for All Might and it felt like a reflex to just...'poof'. Once he was sure everything was in order and alright he slowly deflated back into his skin self triggering another mild coughing fit that she once again moved to fuss over. 

"Always the Hero. It's my fault for yelling like that really but you wouldn't answer." She was carefully blotting at a bit of blood that trickled from the corner of his mouth and as horrible as he felt right now, as much as it should have been HIM fussing over her...he let it happen. Happily basking in the glow of her mild affection. "What happened anyway? What were you thinking about." It was all he could do not to start sputtering blood again so he covered his mouth with his hand and waved her away. "N-nothing! It was nothing...nothing...just got lost there for a second. No need to worry yourself." 

The look she gave him was far from convincing, even less so when he let out a slight hiss of pain and clenched his left side. "Here...lean back." Toshi wouldn't argue with her. Not after what just happened, he had no right so he just braced himself on the counter and let out a sigh. "I should have come sooner, I know that. I figured you would scold me for letting it get this bad." He tried to joke, ease a bit of the tension only he seemed to feel. How did she do that? Act so at ease, so relaxed around him? Not that he expected her to be some weird fan girl. He preferred her like this so he wouldn't complain but most people looked at him with such sad and pathetic looks. Like they were morning his death while he was still alive. Those who knew anyway. And those who didn't just glanced over him like another weirdo in the streets. "I should say I'm sorry..." he muttered keeping his eyes on the chopped carrots and she lifted his shirt carefully. But he didn't feel her fingers this time, in fact he only felt the warm heated air of the kitchen for a few seconds before her shuffling as she moved to her knees. 

Oh god damn it this was not an image he could handle! "Woh woh woh h-hey what are you doing?!" His hands flailed wildly and stopped to clamp down on her shoulders. "Relax, while I can use my hands it does work better if I do it like grandma." she said that with such calm. Like she wasn't on her knees in front of him in the middle of her kitchen. He felt all the blood rush to his face which he was sure was hot enough to boil the soup all over again, and the rush somewhere else entirely. "Y-your hands are more than fine! You really don't have to do this!" He wanted to add a 'please' to the end of that. He wasn't sure HE could take it but no amount of begging seemed to deter her as she closed her eyes and pressed forward. The feel of her soft warm lips on his scar sent a shock though his spine and right down to his toes. Recovery girl never felt like this before. This was a whole new level of contact that had Toshi gripping the counter with such force he was afraid he was going to snap the marble clean in half. 

"S-shit..." he rumbled into his hand that clamped hard over his mouth. He could take his eyes away from her no matter how desperately he wanted to look elsewhere. Beautiful. This was beautiful and perverted and horrible and so right. A heat pooled in his stomach, fighting against that wave of cool relief that came with her healing. His lower stomach twisting itself in knots as he felt that long forgotten stir in his groin and he panicked. Placing both hands firmly on her little shoulders he shoved her back breaking the contact as quickly as he safely could. "I'm....sorry..." He huffed out, breath coming in deep drawn out gasps. "It's not you I-I just can't...." She started up at him through foggy glasses, her own cheeks painted a sweet pink that made her eyes shine and pop with color. Was this doing something for her to? She wasn't lying. His side felt a million times better and he could breath well enough even if that was now hindered by he desperate need for fresh air and a cold shower. She smiled at him then, thankfully rising to her feet and smoothing his shirt back down for him. "I get it. Don't worry." Was all she needed to say. "But...it feels better right?" God yes. Everything felt so good right now. His side, his lung(s), his missing stomach though it was doing cartwheels at the moment. Everything felt perfect and Toshi found himself staring at her lips as if he were ready to dive right in and kiss the air right out of her too. Even the playing field. 

He couldn't. "Y-yeah. Much." he sighed out, thankful that she looked so relieved. 

"Good! For quick emergency cases my quirk really does work better though direct contact like that. The skin around your lips is thinner than your finger tips and grandma thinks that has something to do with it. Luckily I don't need to use that one very often." They both laughed and Toshi swallowed the mild bubble of jealousy that stuck in his throat, though now he could count himself among those few who held such a privilege. "How about we eat?! I'm starving!" She turned back to grab the pot and bring it to the table, Toshi followed suit, grabbing what he could to lend a hand. 

Once everything was all set and ready she tossed him the remote to the TV and headed to the bathroom. "Pick what you want big guy, I'll be back in a second." He watched her skip off and thanked what ever god was watching that he always wore such thick cargo shorts. 

[ladyloveandjustice]

Shadow of the Batgirl: A review type thing

I just read the graphic novel Shadow of the Batgirl by Sarah Kuhn and Nicole Goux, which reimagines the superhero origin of Cassandra Cain.

It was overall good and EXTREMELY cute! If you want an awesome story about a teenage assassin running away from her shitty dad and finding a neat library, a community of cool ladies and the hero within herself, AND WHY WOULDN’T YOU WANT THAT, definitely get this! 

It’s a standalone Batgirl story completely accessible to all and with none of the weird baggage and the complicated continuity of the regular Batman universe! it’s appropriate for younger teens but still a good read for adults, the art’s colorful and great, it’s packed to the brim with joy and hope.

And on top of all that, it gives a great character who’s been traditionally horribly neglected by mainstream comics for some reason (*cough its because she’s not white cough*) a spotlight and a chance to shine (and get written by an Asian American author for once!)! This also features one of my other faves, who had her disability and adult identity erased in the main universe, but not in this comic, hurray!

SO YEAH, if you like superheroes at all, highly recommend this!

NOW for a more detailed review, calling on all my expertise as a Cassandra Cain superfan and going into pros and cons. This’ll be long, but I’ll do it as a list to break it down.

Let’s start with the good stuff, there’s a lot of it:

- This story takes place in world where Barbara Gordon as Oracle (and former Batgirl) and Cassandra Cain as Batgirl exist, but Batman and The Killing Joke do not appear to. That is honestly transcendentally great to finally see this as an officially realized concept, Batgirl allowed to stand on its own as a legacy of powerful women, with all history of these characters being victimized for the sake of manpain erased. I am elated.

-The art was adorable, the designs were great, the clothes and Cass’s costumes were super cute, the setting was vibrant.

-Jackie was a really fun character and mentor figure for Cass. Loved her snark and how she and Babs basically become Cass’s two Moms and an awesome team in their own right. The relationships in this were just heartwarming. Loved the range of characters in general.

-Cass basically lived in a library aka my life dream. I mean, she did it because she was homeless and on the run from her assassin father, but like.

-Cassandra FINALLY knows her own race, (she’s half-Chinese) and gets to have a goddamn connection and basic feelings about it (Jackie bringing up what the bat means to Chinese culture), etc, god it should not have taken this long for this to happen.

(And it’s really important to have a version of Cass’s story where, y’know, the positive inspirational figures in her life include other Asian people, they aren’t just white people. it wasn’t until I read this it fully dawned on me how screwed up it is she never had that before.)

-For the first time in her entire existence, Cassandra Cain got to be in a canon romance that wasn’t fucking awful, can you believe it. Her love interest Erik was adorable, and him being a budding romance writer was an especially sweet touch- and I think there’s an implication/hint his dad’s the Bronze Tiger? Which is really cute Easter Egg for Cass fans, considering she had a strong friendship with the dude in her original series!

-The idea of Cass liking to draw and expressing herself through art is really fun and fitting. Her being visually focused, it makes a lot of sense.

-Cass extending her body language ability to sort of being able to guess at people’s underlying emotional problems from how they carry themselves is a really neat idea- it could have been implemented a little more smoothly but I like the concept.

-Cass going after the “evil-doers” in the library after becoming a hero was one of the best things I’ve ever seen. Deserves to be framed. I love what a huge nerd Cass got to be in this.

-The comic understood that core of Cass’s character is compassion and empathy, that how she reaches out for people, refuses to harm, and really believes in people and embodies change, rebirth, hope. THAT’S IT, THAT’S MY GIRL, THAT’S MY HERO..

-I’ve read a ton of comics with Barbara Gordon and this is the first one I’ve come across where she discussed her relationship with her mother having any sort of influence on her interests and personality, she isn’t even the main character of this and her mother matters more in it than every other comic I’ve read with her combined how sad is that

-I liked Babs just casually making gadgets and stuff all the time, and loved that she expressed she honestly preferred doing this and that was why she was giving Batgirl to Cass. MADE ME WANT TO SCREAM FUCK YOU DC ALL OVER AGAIN.

-Compared to the original Cass Batgirl comics, this story is obviously more accessible as a standalone, but it’s also just overall more appropriate for a wider range of ages since the darker elements of Cass’s story are way toned down. I was a young teenager when I read Cass’s series and was fine, but there are young teenagers that DON’T want like, graphic onscreen deaths in their comics, so it’s good there’s a lighter Cass story for them. It was just a really sweet, affirming story.

Now for some cons, none of them damning:

The romance was cute, but wish it’d had room to breathe. Ideally, it didn’t need to be happening alongside Cass’s origin, I think it would have been better if it was just hinted at and then was allowed to fully play out as an after-she-became-Batgirl thing, but I can get that Kuhn didn’t know if this would get a sequel and there were probably a lot of good reasons she wanted to include it.

-I think this came from Kuhn being used to writing as a YA author rather than doing comics, but it was weird to read a Cass comic with so much narration and the way it was used really detracted from the potential power of the story. We’re told through Cass’s super chatty narration she’s not a normal teen, she TELLS US that she barely knows how to read and speak and TELLS US she’s better at reading body language-but we never get a sense of this, not even at the beginning, because the story doesn’t trust the reader to take in the visuals without narration, and then she’s able to talk like a normal teen pretty much right off the bat.

 I’m okay with Cass becoming a chatty girl, and her voice in this comic was fun- I know “silent Asian” has a lot baggage and Cass’s original character leaned into some stereotypes- but the first chapter/part would been far more powerful if it had her world be a little more silent and fully emphasized the visual, for her interactions with people and words be garbled and confusing, and if it gave us more of a sense of the world she comes from and how her perception of things differs from the average person. Cass’s original debut and the beginning of her original series did a really good job giving us a sense of this, and took great advantage of comics as a visual medium, and I missed that.

-Cass learns to read and talk SUPER EASILY and it just comes off as unbelievable. I do like the idea of her camping at a library, eavesdropping, and teaching herself, but I would have liked to see her actually struggle like a person would. Moreover, while I know the presentation of it was very flawed, Cass basically had a learning/language disability in the original series. I was kind of hoping this comic would lean into that, and actually give a more realistic and nuanced representation of that kind of disability (it could have been presented as something she always had that was exacerbated by how she was raised, not caused by it!).

 Honestly, I think her romance with Erik would have been far more interesting and meaningful and tied in better if she’d actually struggled to read, maybe even discovered she was dyslexic and couldn’t quite read the same way he could. That could have been a source of development between them.

-David Cain’s a super flat as a character in this comic, he doesn’t have much presence, menacing or otherwise, and Cass’s complicated feelings and relationship with him is not nearly as painful as they were in her original series.This is partly because there wasn’t a lot of a space for it though, and that’s fine.

-Overall, the main thing that hurts the story is that we don’t see all that much of what Cass’s life was like as an assassin, and her life with David Cain was like. It’s harder to invest in Cass’s transformation into a hero when we don’t really have a sense of who she was before,it’s hard to appreciate her breaking free when we can’t get a sense of what kind of cage she was even in. How much language DID she know? How much of the world was she exposed to? What was she really deprived of? I hope if there’s a sequel we can see more of this.

-Babs isn’t the main character of course, so this isn’t a real complaint, but I did miss her cynical and angry edge. She’s pretty much just a chipper nerd with no sign of her own baggage in this, and it makes her relationship with Cass less interesting. It’s implied that her “accident” did affect her and she just managed to work through a lot of it before she met Cass, but I missed the element of their relationship where they both were hurting from losing  “the world they knew” and working through it together, sometimes clashing, etc.

-I read one of Sarah Kuhn’s YA novels in anticipation of this, and while I’m relieved this is better about it than her first book was (I expected it to be, writers improve, I definitely know how messy a first book is) there’s still some cringe-y ideas of how “average” teens talk creeping in, occasional clunky pacing etc.

But all in all? It was a really nice little story that did a lot of cool things, and I really want a sequel and want more of this version of Cass and her universe. As someone who was driven away from DC comics in part because of how badly they treated Cass, Oracle and the Batgirl legacy. it’s really like a salve on old wounds.

[anxiouslyfred]

Love After Exile - Rejection

Summary: Virgil loved Remus and Deceit long before they fell out. Now he’s dating Logan after beginning to recognise similar feelings. Roman works on matchmaking and finally talks to Remus about it all, and Dukeceit try to make their move for Logan and Virgil

Authors Note: Yeah it’s been forever since I updated, but the main thing I want to add is there’s almost a chapter worth of writing I’ve cut out of this where Virgil and Patton bake together. It didn’t really fit the story given how little a role Pat has in the story so I just summarised it.

Formatting: There’s a shifting POV, anytime you see Bold starts of a paragraph then there’s been a perspective shift.

Pairings: Analogical from the start, eventual Analoceitmus 

Warnings for this part: suggestive talk, some sex references (Remus being Remus) 

/\/\/\/\/\ Part One /\/\/\/\ Part Two /\/\/\/\/\ Part Three /\/\/\/\/\/\Part Four

Virgil knew change like it was a scent in the air. He could sense it was coming closer and closer currently, but nothing had been said that suggested what it was. Instead of speaking up about it,he worried; worried over if it was change in Thomas or change for himself, worried about how his family would react to the changes, simply worried about change disrupting his relationship with Logan or his tentative friendship now growing with Remus and Deceit once more. Above all of that he worried that Patton would fight whatever changes were happening.

He'd felt the echoes of concern coming from Morality when the other sides first heard Remus talking about His people. Everyone knew of Patton's distaste for the Deceitful side, even though they'd proven that he could tell the truth easily and often did. Virgil just didn't want that friendship to break down once more, not with how closely the emotional aspects of their roles had proven to be.

After the discussion of polyamory, a few days had passed with no appearance from either of the hidden sides, not that that meant they wouldn't pop in whenever it took their whims. Virgil decided to use the time to catch up with Patton, leaving Logan engrossed in rereading something that Roman had to have written given the cover.

After their afternoon baking and chatting Virgil knew that Patton would have a lot more thinking and introspection to do. He had hope some of the hostility to the others would reduce. It might not be enough to avoid another questioning of roles if something actually ended up happening with Deceit and Remus, but it was a start.

Thomas had been in a bit of a creative block this week, or at least that was Roman's excuse if any questioned why he was heading into the hidden commons to visit his brother. Of course Deceit would see in an instant that was a lie, and Remus would probably know fairly easily, but Patton and Logan would accept the excuse.

He actually wanted to find out where Remus was in regards to Virgil's feelings now. It had become clear that the pair were more focused on understanding Virgil since the day Roman learnt about his feelings, but their intentions were harder to discern. That's what brought him to knocking on Remus's door and decidedly trying not to think about the scratches and stains over it.

“Princey! What brings you to the forbidden side? Looking for a proper fight tonight?” Remus cheered as he opened the door, ushering Roman through while grabbing his morning star.

“Or perhaps some inspiration from unexpected places.” Roman rolled his eyes, easily batting the weapon back down.

The scoff that received was entirely expected. “Yeah, the other one has a cockring on it, much more fun to play with than whatever you're trying to pull.”

“You're just as polyamorous as I am but where is your attraction falling currently?” Roman easily switched subjects as soon as the door was shut, ignoring his brothers comments, and squaring his shoulders.

Remus froze at the abrupt subject change. He really had been expecting it to involve fighting as Roman's visits usually did, either him having an injury or just wanting to fight someone he didn't control for a while.

“Trust me, feeding into the urge to matchmake just ends up in arguments and losing friends, Ro. Don't try it with me.” He warned, suddenly serious in a way the others often forgot he could do.

“How do you think Mr I-Don't-Have-Feelings and Trust-No-Comfort got together? Thomas having accepted his attraction makes the attempts to matchmake a lot easier I would believe.” Just the subject would of course touch on the one thing the brothers avoided talking about, but Remus hadn't expected the role of looking after Thomas's attractions to change as much as the words he heard implied it had.

He shook the thoughts off with a wriggle. “Still misses out all the juicy stuff. Ya need me for the fun times.”

“I have my own methods for the fun times and definitely don't need you for them. I do however need you to answer my question. Who are you attracted to, trash panda?” Roman crossed his arms at the attempt to divert the conversation. Remus could see the urge to fight already growing behind his eyes, the chaos and lack of order frustrating the accepted creativity almost as much as the opposite made him antsy.

“You know you can't just trap me with them Roro. That's not how we work, and much as I like seeing people tied up, all that would make me do is cause a spectacle. Blood can be a wonderful paint you know.” He was trying to suggest things that would cause Roman to reveal whatever his intentions were without acknowledging who either was talking about. At least until there was a way to ask who Roman had in mind. “Just who are you suggesting I like anyway, Brother Dearest?”

Well, there goes subtlety, Remus always was bad at it, but at least Roman was now spluttering, somewhere between admitting who and vehemently denying he had anyone in mind.  “NOBODY! Well, of course there's somebody or I wouldn't have decided on asking you instead of picking someone that doesn't constantly attack me, but Nobody.”

Deceit had seen Roman come in, heard the beginning of their chat and felt the lies resonating in him. He knew whatever the brothers were talking about had to seem important, at least to the prince, just as much as that Remus would want a way to recognise the truth.

Neither had decided on a good way to approach Virgil or Logan even now they knew most of the sides were polyamorous, and perhaps the romantic side could help with that. The shutting of Remus's door indicated a wish for privacy though, rather than an open invitation.

All the dark sides respected those signs, at least amongst themselves. Deceit still decided to use his role to help his partner, leaning against the wall of Remus's room, drawing lines with his nails as lies shuddered down his spine from things said within. Quietly enough that only people who knew this method would hear the sound as anything meaningful, but clearly an indication, he carried on doing the sign for ten minutes before any feeling of lies coming from within ceased.

Roman only glanced at him for a moment as he left, about half an hour since any lie had been told although Deceit was still curled up on a cushion he'd summoned to sit on while leaning there. He just smirked at the curious glance, waving the light side goodbye or rather in an obvious hint that he should leave more rapidly.

He still waited for a moment before joining Remus in the room, hearing a few snickers breaking out. “Dee-dee. He wants to matchmake for us.” Remus was crowing, rolling on his bed that had definitely been made by the prince given the sheets were now being methodically messed up once more.

“With who? Does he suppose us to be novices in the fields of love because he controls Thomas's romantic desires?” Dee sighed, letting the arms reaching for him become an embrace.

“Logan and Virgil of course.”

Logan had assumed that Roman would try matchmaking soon after he realised that Virgil loved Deceit and Remus. He had assumed that if the pair figured that out themselves they would soon be approaching Virgil. He had assumed a lot of things about love and romance incorrectly, especially regarding the other sides reactions to it.

Three weeks had passed since the start of all the chatter and still there was no change to the relationships of Thomas's mind-space except perhaps, Remus and Deceit properly getting together. Logan was content with that. It meant he could continue the comforting relationship with Virgil for longer and hopefully predict when it would be brought to an end by the pair Virgil loved.

He couldn't see that Remus claiming him as one of His People would particularly alter what would occur. So when Roman came asking for some grounding for an idea he was struggling with bringing into a possibility for a video of course Logan would agree, following him into the imagination. Virgil getting invited along too just made it all the more likely they would succeed in assisting.

Remus and Deceit already being present in the idea room was mildly concerning. Too much creativity could inhibit an ideas effectiveness and Deceit would be more likely to comfort them over issues than suggest real solutions.

“What idea needs both sides of creativity to form it?” Logan had to ask, immediately honing his gaze on Roman as he shifted uncomfortably.

He noted the glance and nod shared between Remus and Roman, as well as the dismissive wave Remus gave. “One that's actually mine but we don't want Patton to veto from the start. He's going to go fight the dragon witch or something while we talk it through.” Remus explained then, pulling about 20 loose sheets of paper from somewhere.

“You hate when I give input so why don't I just go with Roman?” Virgil's hesitance stopped the exit Roman was clearly trying not to make obvious now, but Logan understood. He'd heard about how Remus used to work through ideas when they got together.

The reaction wasn't expected. When talking about what they wanted to say and how Roman had suggested asking Virgil and Logan to join their relationship Deceit forgot to consider how they'd previously acted together.

A glance showed that both Creativities were lost over how to react in such a way that Virgil might stay and Logic was simply considering something so Deceit reacted instead. “Remus is ever reluctant to listen to amendments to his ideas, but we're working on it. I had hoped you'd be able to aid me in the attempts. If you're too scared of his madness though, by all means, go with Roman.”

There were a lot of things you simply shouldn't say to anxiety if you class him as an ally or friend, that sometimes made him easy to manipulate. Thankfully bringing up fear always did make him determined to face whatever he was wary about and the steel rearing in Virgil's gaze confirmed it had worked again.

“Show us the stupid idea and lets get this over with then!” Virgil growled out, already reaching to take the papers from Remus.

Letting one of the pair see what they'd actually written was not part of the plan but as Deceit watched Remus happily handed them over. “I do love it when you get all controlling Thunderclap, just makes me all tingly and excited.” Suppressing the sigh that came from Remus giving into his impulses was difficult now.

Deceit had double checked to make sure at least 2 of the pages were actually about an idea they might feasibly want Thomas to see that Remus had thought up but the majority were actually about their emotions, and reactions leading them to want this relationship. Now he would have to delay Virgil getting to those pages until Roman actually was out of the area.

“While that's all well and good, Dear, perhaps you'd like to tell Virgil and Logan about your idea? An actual battle to defend our ideas definitely needs some work to make it feasible.” He began, bringing their focus back from whatever thoughts Logan and Virgil were trying not to react to.

“Just because of editing. I don't see why we can't do it. It's not like any of us are actually going to get hurt. Thomas just acts all our roles out and he's already done me attacking Roman so why not an extra step further.” Remus was interested in the reactions he was getting now.

Virgil had looked taken aback at the innuendo and just what he'd suggested before Deceit brought their cover idea up. Logan had tilted his head, analysing something although whether that was the words or looking for any intent behind them wasn't for Remus to figure out. Deceit was the one in charge of that bit between them.

“Come on guys, there could be bloodshed, and Logan can finally get out all that pent up anger in a way other than throwing things at people. We can all be screaming and have warnings not to watch with headphones in.” He could ramble for ages about the fight idea, even the things they could use it to settle arguments about which was basically everything, and glancing to the edge of their gathering Roman had already disappeared.

Now he was just rambling, occasionally letting Logan interject with a thought over what opposition their team might have to trying to do a video like it and the technical difficulties they could face, eyes actually honed into the pages in Virgil's hand. The first page had already been passed over to Logan to look at and as soon as that second page was moved Remus was going to change the conversation on a 180degree turn. Perhaps he could literally do that with his head?

“This is definitely not your battle scenario.” Damnit Remus, getting lost in weird thoughts meant you missed the page being handed to Logan. Virgil was now staring, almost fearfully at the page which focused on Logan's many gorgeous attributes.

“But isn't it so much more interesting, Vi-vi? Just imagine what the four of us could be together! How much pleasure could be brought to you by three sets of hands instead of just one?” Sex always worked to get people to date you, even Logan had mentioned in in the valentines episode so that must be how you normally get a boyfriend.

Judging by Deceit's amused cough and Logan's raised eyebrows it might not be.

This was finally happening and Logan was shocked that he was being included in the proposition.

“Can I have some clarity? Are you asking for both of us to join your relationship or just suggesting Virgil dates the two of you in one relationship and myself separately to that?” He had to speak up, unclear over how he was included in the situation.

His inclusion could all be there for the open and healthy communication they'd discussed in regards to polyamorous relationships.

“We want to date both of you. All of us together.” Deceit confirmed, inclining his head. “How could we not with your intellect and Virgil's sharp wit. You both have us entranced although I wouldn't mind Virgil being a little less silent over his feelings now.”

That was when Virgil started a reaction Logan would never have predicted. Given all the emotions he'd been told about regarding the pair it was easy to believe Anxiety's function wasn't affecting him as much now as it had before he left.

Except the pages were being scrunched up and thrown on the floor even as Remus began speaking again. “Yes! Yes, logie, teacher, Mr Sir, Please, pretty please, ice cream covered pork chops please will you and Virgil date us?” The words lost no energy as everyone registered the reaction but Logan could see everyone's growing confusion and focus centring on Virgil.

Virgil glared at the question that had been asked and everything written on the pages he'd been holding. He took in the confused blinks from everyone including Logan. “I've already been through the pain of screwing up too much for you before. Why the hell should I open myself up to it all over again?”

He was vehement about protecting himself now. Logan had confirmed and reaffirmed that he'd always wait for Virgil to be ready to talk even before they got together. Deceit and Remus had done the opposite the day they tried to force him to speak and he couldn't take that again.

Of course he loved them, so fiercely and strongly that it was a battle to just reject them but not again, he couldn't go through that pain a second time.

Virgil saw Remus about to speak, and Deceit clearly thinking over what he could say to rectify the situation and couldn't take that either. He turned and walked out of the castle, past the boundary Roman usually made it difficult to sink out from behind and back to where he could curl up under all his blankets in his room, or maybe Patton's or Roman's someone he could get away with not wanting to talk about emotions immediately after going through them.

Silence fell as Virgil left, and not even a stray thought was in Remus's mind. His Person had just rejected possibly everything.

/\/\/\ Part 6 /\/\/\ Part Seven /\/\/\ Part Eight /\/\/\ Part Nine /\/\/\/\

[cherriesradio]

Isn’t love meant to be easy? Todoroki

So this is already pretty long and I don’t feel like finishing it so uh yeah.

Warnings: mentions of abuse, forced engagement, bad parents on both sides, one-sided love, mentioned like of musical theater (that’s not really a warning is it lol)

Quirk: Earth. Basically earth bending.

Shoto remebered when he was a kid and his siblings would sneak in books for him. Endeavor being the little jerk he is only let them read books about heros. And only he’s that he saw as “good enough.” Aka the overly arrogant and merciless hero’s. Shoto’s siblings didn’t care what books they brought in, just that it wasn’t revoking around a pro-hero. As long as it would give Shoto and ouce of a normal childhood, unlike them.

He remembers that sometimes, the stories he read in secret would have a romance. The boy and the girl, they would bump into each other. Probably at school. The boy picks up the girls books, their hands touch. And it goes on from there. They eventually confess under a cherry blossom tree, and they kiss. And then live happily ever after.

So, he thought that live would be easy as that. Bumping into each other. Little did he know, love was much more complicated.

You whimpered, scared by how many people were at the party. Even more scared by what your parents told you about this party the day before. You were going to meet a boy, at the same young age as you, and possibly be engaged to him by the end of the night.

Marriage scared you. It’s such a big commitment, yet you had to make the choice in one night? And as a young child as yourself? And knowing how everyone you had meet over the years who were also rich, then it probably wasn’t even going to be your choice. Simply dishonorable.

“Darling, make sure to hold onto my hand. We’re about to meet the boy.” Your mother said. You nodded your head and gulped.

A red and white boy. Around five, the same age as you. He had big eyes. One was grey and the other was icey blue. He looked just as nervous as you, trembling in his perfectly fitting tux.

You looked up, to where your neck would hurt for looking to long. His father probably, was Endeavor. Your parents praised him because he was a big and powerful hero, but he clearly didn’t have a good heart. He look intimidating even without fire bursting from his skin.

“Hello Y/n. I heard you have a powerful quirk. (“Of course he would start with that.” You heard a girl from behind the small boy sigh.)

You gently nodded. You were always told your quirk was powerful. You trained when you wanted but being determined to be a great hero, you trained constantly. When you Frits got your quirk only a year ago it was rather weak, you could barely pick up a rock that weight more then a few pounds. Now you can pick up double your weight.

“Hm. This is my son, Shoto. Shoto, introduce yourself.” The man looked down on Shoto and pat his back, Shoto stepped forward. He was right in front of you.

“My name is Shoto Todokri. I’m five years old. My quirk is Half-Cold Half-Hot. I can make ice with my right side and create fire with my left side.” He said in a monotone voice. He had a strange tremble when he said “left side.”

“Hi. I’m Y/n L/n. My quirks Earth.” You smile softly and held your hand out, he nervously shook it.

Your parents made you spend the whole night with Shoto. He was a good kid. He was patient and queit, you were stuck doing most of the talking. You thanked the lord that your parents were respected, or else you could have been in danger with all the strangers.

That’s how it started.

He didn’t realize he had real feelings for you. You were going to be forced to marry him as son as you turned eighteen, there was no reason either of you should remotely enjoy a forced relationship.

And then came UA. He was going to get into UA for sure, and so we’re you. Purely because you were both powerful. Either way, your both from rich family’s, they could’ve bribed you into it if you weren’t powerful.

And you were clearly avoiding him. He didn’t blame you, you were forced into this relationship and so was he. You would occasionally wave at him in the halls or give a small hello. That was the most you would give him.

He couldn’t help but feel bad about it. You were a kind and patient person, but you didn’t have I care in the world about him.

And like he did with most of his problems, he went to his best friend. Deku.

“Hey Midoryia? Can I ask you something?” Todokri said, tapping on Dekus shoulder. Deku turned to him.

The empty common room was strange. Of course it was rather late, but Todokri knew Dkeu would still be up studying.

“Sure Todokri! What’s up?” He smiled. His freckles popped off his face even in the dim room, the fridge and lamp being the only sources of light.

“I… thsi is going to be rather personal, but I’m engaged to L/n. And it’s kinda bothering our relationship.” Todokri awkwardly said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Deku looked surprised. Everyone he told did, since arranged marriages are so rare now. He quickly connected the dots, that you both had powerful quirks and that Endeavor would take advantage of that.

“Oh. Sorry, Todokri. What do you need me for in that, though?” He titled his head to the side. Todokri’s left side glowed with the white light of the full fridge.

“Your good at friendship. If we’re going to be married one day, than I want to at least have a platonicly good relationship with them. I don’t want them miserable.” Todokri said. Deku could clearly see the guilt in his eyes. Deku gently nodded.

“Well, I could try to get you to connected. Their mostly friends with Kacchans group, but I know them pretty well. They asked to study with me a few times.” Deku muttered. “Next time we study together I could mention you, say how great of a person you are. Maybe get you two to hang out somehow.”

Todokri quickly nodded and was glad to be given the offer. “That sounds perfect Midoryia. Please do.” He said, then turned and went back to his dorm room. He slept more Pres fully than normal.

“Hey Y/n, you know Todokri right?” Deku casually said, turning the yellowing page of the old school text books. The library was empty beside you two and the workers.

“Yeah.” You say and raise an eyebrow. You knew him and your fiancé were friends but you didn’t see a reason why he would have to mention him.

“All Might told me I should try training harder with my legs, since I’m only now trying to use them. So, I’m gonna be pretty busy for a month or two.” He said, looking directly at you insteda of over his book. The room felt hotter. You were definitely leaning on Deku’s support with school, you would probably start failing again if you stopped.

“That good for you. But bad for me. You know how bad I was before you offered to study with me.” You say.

“Don’t worry! Todokri is a smart guy, try studying with him! He’s more queit than I am, but if you spend some time with him he’ll come out of his shell.” Deku said.

You puzzle it in your mind. It would be overwhelmingly uncomfortable, you two wer engaged yet you had ingnored him for most of the school year so far.

“Sure. I’ll ask him about it later.” You say offhandedly. You scoff in your mind. You had only seen this kid at party’s your parents forced you to go to, they didn’t even put the effort into getting you two to know each other well.

You walked up behind the half and half boy. You refused to call him more than a poor, shy and anxious kid. His existence pissed you off. He was a nice kid, polite and patient. But the fact that you were forced to marry this guy you had barely talked to made your blood boil.

“Shoto Todokri? Could a talk to you for a second?” You said, in the voice and tone your parents told you was proper.

“Yes, Y/n? Sure.” He said and turned away from the lunch he wasn’t focused on eating. “What do you need?”

“Could you help me study? Deku’s gonna be busy for a while and I’m a little dependent on him. Which I should probably fix…” You said, drawing your hand back to your chest from his shoulder.

“Yes. I don’t mind. Um… would eight be good? Meet in my dorm?” He said gently. He felt like you were like a wild animal, would scurry away at the slightest wrong move.

“Sure, that’s fine. Well uh… see ya later.” You awkwardly wave and walk back to Mina and Denki, they could clearly tell how nervous you still were. Yet, Todokri stood still. He played with the sting on his hoodie, and blushed.

“Yeah, I’m sure that George Washington was the fourth president.” You sarcastically said. You should’ve remembered that Shoto was horrible at American History, the only class he was bad in.

“Trust me! I’ve very sure he was the fourth!” He defensive cried. You snicker and roll your eyes.

“And who was before him? And after em’?” You say and hide a laugh.

“Um… Alexander Hamilton was a president right? And then… then Thomas Jeffery?” He said, almost shaking from how nervous he was. He had already helped you with every other subject, this was the only one you said you were good at but wanted help just in case.

You made a system. On mondays you would do history, on wednesdays you did math, and on sundays you did American history. And any other day you would train. What a great Sunday you were having.

You snickered and banged your fist on the counter of the empty common room. “Heck no! Alexander was in charge of the treasury, and also wrote for George Washington during the war for independence. Thomas Jeffery,” You did quotation marks with your hands. “wasn’t a person. Your thinking of Thomas Jefferson. He was a president, the third.”

He sighed, it came out white from his cold side taking over. He was trying to keep himself from catching fire. It always felt like that would happen around you after the month you’ve been studying together, fro some reason.

“I think your gonna have to help me with this. How do you even know this stuff?” He said with a sad and pouty look.

“Hamilton, it’s a musical. One of my favorites.” 

He took a menatal note of that.

“Shoto!” You giggled, elbowing the teen. He laughed wildly, not for the first time. Not anymore.

Your jokes always made him laugh wildly, not caring if others see him in the act. Because your there, laughing with him. Sometimes at his own silly actions, and others at your own statements.

You made him happy. Happier than he ever remembers being. He’s been happy before, just… not this much. Not with Iida or Ochako, or his siblings or even Deku. You made him happiest.

“I can’t believe you sometimes!” You giggled and covered your mouth as to not make the white room explode with laughter. Everyone was staring at you already. Half of the class already thought you were dating, the other thought you were pining. Well, Shoto was.

But, the sweet stares you started to give towards Izuku during class, the lingering touchs when you grabbed his arm to ask to study, the tab bit longer than it should be hugs, those heart eyes you would give to him during lunch. It all seemed to stain into his memory, never able to leave.

Friday, January 5. You and Shoto were having your now normal sleepovers, watching romantics comedy’s and crappy tv till midnight.

[mrs-sexy-curls]

“While I’m gone,” Gansey said, pausing, “dream me the world. Something new for every night.”

A dark and eeriee novel about a spark light personality who lit the world on fire. Delicious and dangerous, Ronan Lynch’s character intensity is filled with beauty, fueled by fear and filtered by none. A beautiful, tormented novel that doubles up on its predecessor and warns on the dangers of letting ourselves fall to deep into our dreams, as they start creeping closer into our reality instead.

5/5 Stars Recommendation: If the Raven Boys was a must read, the Dream Thieves is the installment in the Raven Cycle serious that you can not miss! It is exciting, thrilling, broodingly dark and nightmarish, for the heavy character development enthusiasts and danger seeking readers !

Picking up where The Raven Boys left off, we follow the 3rd person POV novel focusing on the eyes of Ronan Lynch, the group’s rage filled and broken seventeen year old. The group’s quest for the Welsh King of myths is going stronger than ever, now favored and driven by an odd, magical forests that spurted in the Virginia Valley, known as Cabeswater. Now tied to Adam— through a bargain where he sacrificed himself and promised to be its hands and its eyes, and to Ronan Who appears to be long acquainted with the forest through the messages he has left for himself scattered around it, in more than one deep and mysterious way.

Despite Adam’s sacrifice to awaken the magical energy line than runs through their town, the Ley line, magic seems to be fluctuating and acting in unstable and unstoppable manners; affecting the psychics of Fox Way, the decaying Noah and whatever curse lays dormant under the ground of Henrietta, Virginia. All while Gansey and Adam must their puzzled gang and Ronan can’t be bothered to act as a decent human being because of the nightmares he keeps bringing to reality with him when he wakes up—

That’s right, just like chainsaw, Ronan is capable of bringing objects, things and people back with him every time he wakes up from a dream. With Gansey gone, he befriends another dangerous Aglionby student Kavinsky who shares his gift and must now face with the consequences of his recklessness, the nightmares of his past, the present that fades between his fingers and the broken future he must fix back together.

Despite the magic of The Raven Boys and its original greatness, The Dream Thieves did not fall in its face in comparison. In fact, because of the engaging story and powerful character portrayal, I wouldn’t feel shy about calling it an improvement from its predecessor. It’s just that good ! This book is heavily character driven, whereas regular YA characters are guided and controlled by the plot and development is based around that, but every single moment with Ronan is worth it. This book is probably one  of Stiefvater’s fever dreams about Ronan, drugs and expensive cars and that’s probably what makes it the best thing out there.

Click Read More for the spoilers, kiddos !

The Dream Thieves Summary:

Everyone: Ronan no Ronan: Ronan yes

I love Ronan.

Thoughts on Gansey & Blue:

But the sensible part of Blue, which was usually the only part of her, thought that had more to do with Richard Campbell Gansey III having a nice mouth than with any blossoming romance. Anyway, if fate thought it would tell her who to fall for, fate had another thing coming.

Gansey added, “I would’ve thought you had more muscles. Don’t feminists have big muscles?” Decidedly not in love with him.

Let me explain something I’ve mentioned in the past. I’m a slow burner when it comes to romance. And if there is one thing I sincerely appreciated about this book series is the fact that its romance wasn’t driving the plot—despite the UK cover advertisement—, or even playing a major role in it, so I was expecting feelings to be developed throughout the course of four books.

In fact, while the entire Adam and Blue dynamic developed in this book and the previous book, I was sort of waiting situations where Gansey and Blue found themselves interacting alone and to find a slow connection brewing between them. Because its there, and it exists, but it bothered me the fact I barely got any sort of interaction between them on that regard until After Blue broke up with Adam, supposedly because she at last acknowledged her feelings for Gansey but I had no reason to believe she suddenly had a crush on this man she’s barely interacted with. I found the aforementioned quote to be adorable and endeering, and specially believable. While I know this paragraph doesn’t actually mean Blue dislikes Gansey, there is nothing that would make me thing this girl has anything remotely close to a crush when in the next paragraphs go something like this:

Adam allowed Blue into their circle as well, his eyes meeting hers for a moment.

I’m picking this one, Fate, she thought ferociously. Not Richard Gansey III. You can’t tell me what to do.

I’m sorry, but to then be met with this halfway through the book:

“As they baked in the sunlight, she let herself think it: I have a crush on Richard Gansey.”

Bothered me. For a book that did such a great time expression Ronan’s every thought and emotion so subtly yet clearly, I don’t understand why we couldn’t have had a moment extra to dwelve further into Blue’s state of mind regarding her feelings with Adam and Gansey. Everything was going great in the last book— And while I also did express in the Raven Boys review that I didn’t like Blue and Adam together, it doesn’t mean I don’t want a coherent progressive line from one boy to the other. I’d hate to call it insta-love, but it was rather close. I could say the same from Gansey as well— Since we were treated to the moment Blue realized she was into this boy, I hate not to be able to say the same thing about Gansey. He didn’t seem to like her romantically in the last book, much specially when he did try to set Blue up with Adam, he only seems to mindlessly be following Blue’s feeling because the plot said so.

Nice.

Still, after that entire “How did we even get to their romance”  fiasco Blue and Gansey had some absolutely endearing moments. The rest of their interactions were so pure and real, and never failed to tug at my heart. Expecting the silly calls in the middle of the night were nothing but #goals, taking Blue out for a ride at her beck and call when she was upset killed me on the inside, and not to mention the mock kissing they were forced to do. It was lovely and you could feel the pain and need in every sentence.

“Blue wore a dress Ronan thought looked like a lampshade. Whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, Gansey clearly wished he had one. Ronan wasn’t a fan of lamps.”

Not to mention Maggie’s prose. Always great, meaningful, and hilarious. Extra points just for these quotes scattered all around the book.

Thoughts on Kavinski:

Boy did Maggie get him right. One of my number one complaints with antagonists, is their general YA formula, empty and pure evil and somehow… That’s what Kavisnky is, but that is his entire character and its performed so well.

Kavinski appears as he harasses Ronan, taunts him into car racing until everything goes fatally wrong and he crashes, wounding himself and wrecking Gansey’s Camaro to the point of no come back. It is then when Kavisnki drags him down deep into his world of dreams, admitting he too can pull out objects from his dreams, and teaches him how to steal from his own dreams with the help of designer drugs.

Roll credits.

Kavisnki is there as a representation of everything Ronan is, and as an offer to be a companion in his fucked up, angry existence. This is where it should get good, right? An offer to be himself, without Gansey to force him into the path of righteousness that Ronan obviously no longer cared for, a friend in his state of self loathing and hatred… And this is perhaps were Ronan’s biggest proof of character development occurs:

The realization he wasn’t like that, and most importantly, that he did not want to be like that. Empty, careless, living a selfish existence to make up for the hole that was carved inside of him and that would eventually lead to his self loathing. Kavinski on the other hand, embraced that fully. He had money, popularity, the best parties and a reputation that reached the other side of the state and anything he could’ve ever wanted at the beck and call of a dream. Kavinski had it all… And that made him empty.

Kavinski’s solution to this could have presumably been reaching out friendships to try reckless and dangerous things like he does with Ronan with someone like Prokopenko, to the point that we eventually learned led to Prokopenko’s death. It didn’t work out, and instead he’s been reaching out to Ronan as he’s finally found someone he can call an equal to him. He wanted to be empty with someone else and after Ronan finally rejects him— rejects the entire lifestyle, rejects the hate he no longer felt for himself— he gives up, deciding to end his meaningless existence. And just like that, lets himself be killed by his own creation in the same way he came into the world: Empty.

Thoughts on Adam:

Hello yes, I need to address him again.

Adam was… Weird, again in this book. Maggie foreshadowed pretty well he was no longer the same person, after all, he just sacrificed a part of himself during the Raven Boys and honestly, it was great. It was a good weird, it was well done and very interesting seeing Adam coping and slowly changing as Cabeswater lived inside of him.

Now here’s the thing though— I really thought Adam was going to become a bad guy. Like I said, I could recognize his struggle and his change, his obvious moodiness and the constant fights with Gansey were at least deeper and complex (added to the ones I absolutely loathed where he’d reproach Gansey trying to be a good friend, even when it turned out it wasn’t even Gansey’s doing)… But I thought he was changing for the worst. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, I was enjoying it nonetheless, but I’ll have to charge myself guilty for actually thinking this was going to be the way Maggie pushed Adam out of the way to make way for King Gansey of all things good for Blue.

I was so pleasantly surprised she didn’t and that instead it was simply a complex battle inside of Adam to figure out who he is, like identity is a recurring theme in TCR books, and what Cabeswater and the Raven boys now meant to him, finally independent, finally his own person, finally away from his abusers. For someone who complains about being spoonfed my feelings so much in your average YA formula, I am sadly guilty of really thinking —and kind of looking forwards— Maggie was heading down this path. In the end, I’m just blessed she changed my mind.

One more time though, I had to find myself enjoying Adam more through the eyes of Ronan. Their interactions bless me.

Religious list of amazing things because holy shit:

The Gray Man having a mental debate whether he was capable or not to weave a flower crown for Maura. This is a cold, season hit man guys.

I love the Gray Man so much guys,

Just think about it, Maggie did this great job making a believable antagonist that felt good for her novel and instead made us fall in love in him and root for this man

He even goes through entire life crisis were he can’t get up from bed days at a time, thank you for making him real Maggie??

The Lynch brothers attend church together every Sunday and that is simply beautiful, like its really their last attempt at having a proper family.

Ronan, all of the amount of Ronan. 

Adam discovering it wasn’t Gansey who had payed the extra 2.4K of his apartment but instead Ronan and keeping quiet about it, like it had left him confused and speechless. Every mention of Ronan being a ball of sun feels so good and deserved, my heart was pleased every time.

Kavinski’s constantly fucking around with Ronan about being Gansey’s bottom

Kavinski practically confessing to Ronan and killing himself after his rejection, because that was so powerful holy christ-

What are Adam’s interesting thoughts on traveler’s rights?

[Review] The Dream Thieves – Maggie Stiefvater “While I’m gone,” Gansey said, pausing, “dream me the world. Something new for every night.” A dark and eeriee novel about a spark light personality who lit the world on fire.

[forkanna]

[Also Known As "Tear's Costume Title Has Unexpected Side Effects On Princesses"]

WARNING: Characters and locations © Namco Bandai. Story/plot © me! All rights reserved. Rated M for mature themes (edging into nsfw in the final chapter). Characters depicted are of consenting age. Contains game spoilers. Set (generally) in the middle of the final act of the game. More notes below.

THEME SONG: "Amazing" by Foxes

NOTES: Hi! I know, I know, I'm supposed to be working on Precious Little Knives, and Bind Us, and Coven... but sometimes inspiration strikes and you're powerless to resist. At least this one's REALLY short comparatively!

It's a little funny that out of all the Tales titles I could write a fic for, it ended up being Abyss. My all-time favourite is Symphonia, though the one closest to my heart is Destiny, since it was the first I ever played and it captured my attention immediately. By now, I own just about every "Mothership" title in the series that's available in North America, save one or two. But none of this probably matters to readers who haven't played them so I'll move on; you should be able to pick up on most of the plot of Abyss by reading this fic without needing to pregame.

Tear and Natalia are definitely a crack ship. In fact, I don't really ship them, but I do like the camaraderie they share. A near-sisterly relationship, and for two women who basically have never had real friendships before the events of the game, that's important. However, when I had the random idea "What if Tear dressed up as Asch to make Natalia feel less crappy about him being a giant bag of dicks?" all hope was lost. It had to be done! And as you know, I basically just write shippy things all the time, so...

I hope you like this one as much as I liked writing it!

Jessex

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

                                               CHAPTER ONE

Mystearica Grants wasn't sure why she thought her idea was a sound one. Intriguing, sure, and possibly beneficial for a dear friend. But not sound.

Why had she come to the island of Nam Cobanda? Their last visits to the hideaway for misfits and artists had been tedious and annoying. Anise seemed to enjoy the performances, and Guy was always fond of watching the Fon machines whir and spin. But it was a waste of their time; they should have been hunting Asch and Mohs, and trying to destroy the miasma. The fate of their entire world hung in the balance…

"See anything you like?"

Not that the world was her only concern. Recently, a more personal one had come to the forefront of her mind that she tried her best to ignore — to put the needs of the world ahead of the needs of their team, as they had all done so many times before. But as long as they were near Radessia, what was the harm in stopping in to pursue something else of importance?

"Ma'am? Are you alright?"

"Oh," Tear muttered, blinking. "Sorry, I'm just… distracted."

The woman in the blue overalls chuckled as she watched the gentle-voiced sergeant pass her gloved fingertips over the fabrics hanging from the racks. Some of the costumes were rather plain, and some were so flamboyant she was sure no one in the history of Auldrant had ever worn such finery.

"I don't think that's quite the truth, is it, sweetie?"

"What?"

"You have something you're really focused on," the woman said with a twinkle in her eye. "I'm the distraction. Why are you wandering around backstage? I'm sure there's a reason."

Though she resented how pushy the woman was being, Tear couldn't pretend she wasn't a hundred per cent correct. There would be no harm in asking. "Do you have… people who can make costumes based on real people?"

"What real person?"

"Oh, maybe… Asch fon Fabre? O-or 'Asch The Bloody', I guess."

Her knowing smile made Tear's stomach clench in fear. "Ohhh. You're lucky; Noir already had that one commissioned."

"What?! I mean… why?"

"Why do you want it?"

Tear looked away, tucking a light brown strand of hair behind her ear. "None of your concern. I have Gald, if that's the issue. And I'd like it right away if possible."

"Now I have two questions: why do you want it, and what's your hurry?" When Tear only pressed her lips together into a thin line, she laughed and said, "Alright, I can see it's important to ya. Even if you're being so stubborn. Right this way."

Something was strange about the closet the woman reached for. Though it didn't make any sense, and there was no real basis for the thought, she had the distinct impression that it had been empty before the woman reached for the handle. She threw it wide…

And there was a complete replica of the armour belonging to Asch. Every detail was perfect; the red accents at the tops of the bicep-length gloves and the thigh-high boots, the two belts… even the red wig perched atop the mannequin looked exactly like Asch's long hair. Much to her surprise, a prop sword in the exact likeness of the Key of Lorelei he carried also stood in the corner.

"Well?"

"Uhm…" Blinking, she asked, "Is there any way… do you have four-inch heels?"

"We have three-inch lifts we can put in the sole of the boots, which should boost you up about four inches. All costuming departments have those." The woman didn't even have to walk far to retrieve them for Tear, and she put them into her hands.

"Oh." Blinking down at the lifts, which were quite springy and comfortable, she asked, "How much?"

"Hmm. Let's say fifty."

"Fifty Gald? That's all?!"

"Yes. And one other thing." Her finger came up to waver between their two faces. "When you're through with the costume, try to bring it back in one piece."

Tear squinted at the woman, glancing between her and the flawless reproduction. "How do you know I won't keep it?"

"Just a feeling. But I think we both know I'm right."

"Fine." She parted with the Gald, then said, "Have it sent to the Albiore — discreetly, if you can."

"Of course. Pleasure doing business. Good luck."

All the way back to their ship, Tear tried to shake the feeling that she was making some kind of egregious mistake. It refused to budge.

~ o ~

The Seventh Fonist had meant to make use of the Asch costume that night. However, nerves got the better of her; this was a stupid plan. Ludicrous! How was she supposed to assume this wouldn't come across as pandering, or condescending? Every day, she felt less and less sure of following through and more certain that it was the world's most ridiculous notion and that she ought to forget about it completely.

What did she know about matters of the heart, anyway? This had always been an area of human consciousness that defied her best attempts to understand. Luke fon Fabre, Asch's less-standoffish clone, seemed drawn to her but she had no idea whether or not he was interested in being more than allies. They were bound together in the fight to stop her brother Van from annihilating the entire population of humanity and replacing them with mindless replicas, simply because he hated the so-called "righteousness" of the priests' beloved Score. That kind of dependence made people need each other. She couldn't assume anything deeper with Luke, and her inexperience with romance made it foolish to try.

So she had decided she would abandon the plan… until the conversation they had nearly a week after her trip to Nam Cobanda.

"Every time."

"D-don't be ridiculous," Princess Natalia Luzu Kimlasca-Lanvaldear responded as they guided the Albiore through the skies toward Keterburg. They were all quite sweaty and nasty from their latest battle and needed both a hot bath and a decent night's sleep before returning to their ongoing quest.

"You dooooo," Anise Tatlin jeered, kicking her short legs back and forth. Though she was a teenager, her size and exuberance put one in mind of a primary schoolgirl. "Literally every time we see Asch, you blush."

Natalia ran a hand through her shoulder-length blond hair to try and hide her embarrassment, if only for a moment. "You're making things up. I have never blushed; princesses don't blush. Or sweat."

"Then what do you call that moisture all over your face and neck?" Guy Cecil asked with a good-natured chuckle. He was making things worse, but Tear knew he honestly didn't mean to.

"Guy! That's- how rude!"

He flinched away from her outburst. "Wh-what did I say?"

"Who knows with Natalia?" Luke griped. Though he did reach over to pat her shoulder. "And it's no big deal; we're all pretty gross after that last fight. I really hope we're done with the Sword Dancer by now!"

"Hmm," Jade Curtiss mused, adjusting his spectacles. "I rather hope we aren't. The data from facing such a fierce opponent will likely prove invaluable in our future skirmishes."

The rest of their troupe reeled back from him, surprised by his callousness, as per usual. It was Natalia who spoke up. "Would it be worth it if we all died fighting him?"

"Of course. Though not to us, obviously; we would have to trust those who came after to make use of said data." He gave one of his usual careless shrugs, a glint of amusement in his eyes. "After all, it's rather conceited of us to assume we're the only ones capable of carrying on this crusade against Van's opposing crusade. Wouldn't you agree?"

As always, Jade was pushing, teasing the team purely to see what their reactions would be. Tear had noticed that literally every situation was a science experiment; even the social situations most people would never think to examine beyond their surface. She didn't always understand why he was doing it, but it was a recurring theme nonetheless.

"Fine," Natalia sighed. "As long as we agree this is a lot more important than whether or not I do foolish things in front of Asch."

Jade's hand went to his chin. "Hmm. Is it, though?"

"YES! Oh, just… leave me alone!"

They should all have respected her wishes. But Tear had to say something. It was the shadow of sadness in Natalia's eyes, even beneath the blush and the frustration with Jade, that made it impossible to stay silent.

"You don't do foolish things," she offered.

"What?" Natalia asked.

"You don't. I…" Her throat tried to close up, but she managed to continue. "Asch is merely focused on the mission — retrieving the Key and the Jewel, destroying the miasma. It has nothing to do with you."

The princess tried to smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Oh, I know. It never has anything to do with me. Asch just… knows what his duty is. Maybe after this is all settled, he can feel more comfortable worrying about some old childhood friend again, but for now… I understand why I can't be important to him. Not when the fate of the world is…"

Natalia never finished the sentence. No one else dared pick up the dangling conversation, and so it faded away as the ship came in for a landing just outside the city walls. Tear didn't dare to make a big deal about things she didn't fully comprehend in the first place. Not in front of everyone in a way that was sure to make Natalia yet more embarrassed than she already was.

Perhaps her plan would be needed, after all.

~ o ~

The hour grew late. Everyone would be in their hotel rooms by that point, tucked in and snoring away. Only Jade might still be up, but Tear knew he would be poring over his notes on the Score and their enemies, trying to gain them an edge. Either she made her move now, or she would probably never get the chance — either because they succeeded and they parted ways, or they did not succeed and all would be meaningless.

Though she had intended to slip in unannounced, she couldn't bring herself to do that. A quick, quiet knock on the door was the best middle ground she could manage.

"Hm?" came a somewhat sleepy voice from the other side. Tear took that as license to enter. She had just eased the door shut when it added, "Who's there?"

This had been one of the roadblocks keeping her from going through with the plan. Every time she tried to imagine how she could have a conversation without giving herself away, she drew a blank. Finally, it had come to her in a flash: the one way she might get away with this. If it didn't work, then so be it.

"Shh," Tear whispered as she approached the bed, trying to pitch her voice as low as she could. She could never allow herself to speak normally, or the ruse would instantly be over. "I can't stay long. And please, keep the light off."

Natalia sat up in bed, a hand pressed to her heart through her silk nightgown. "Asch?! Wh-what are you doing here- why are you in my room this late?"

Tear knew that Natalia would at least be able to see her silhouette in the vague moonlight from the window. That was why the details of her costume were so important to get right; why she only trusted the costumers of Nam Cobanda Isle to produce it. Between the costume, wig, and whispered voice, she hoped it would be convincing. She ran her hand over the wig as if it were her real hair, though she was careful not to jostle it so much that the pins holding it against her actual brown locks might come loose.

"Because I had to speak with you alone. Or else… I couldn't do this. Not in front of that replica." It had to be believable. Even though she hated calling Luke that, Natalia would see through her charade immediately if she didn't copy some of his mannerisms.

"Oh. But… what is it you want?" Her surprise was wearing off, replaced by wariness.

"To speak with you."

"Why? You've never seemed to make that a priority before."

Tear didn't take it personally; Asch was the one who had to answer for his callousness, and she was not Asch. But while in the disguise, she had to behave as he would, so she sighed. "I deserve that. But during our last few meetings, I could tell you wished to say more. I have tried to focus on duty, but… your sadness haunts me."

Her clear eyes slid away, pointing toward the door again. "I didn't mean to distract you. Don't be distracted anymore; please just… ignore me."

"I do enough of that as is. With good purpose, even if it means I cause you pain." Was she being a little too theatrical? It didn't sound much like Asch, so she tried to refocus. "Anyway, uh… please, go on."

"Go on with what?"

"With what you've wanted to say to me. Trying to work toward our goals keeps me so preoccupied that I think I've hurt you without meaning to. So… anything you've wanted to say to me, or shout at me, I wanted to try giving you a chance to do that."

Natalia merely sat for a moment, hands clenching on the sheets draped over her lap. "What could I say? You have a mission. There's… nothing that can be done to fix this until we save Auldrant, anyway."

"Say it now. When all this is over we could say more, do more. That's what I was trying to tell myself, but it's not enough. You look so sad every time you see me; that isn't right. Isn't fair to you."

"Is there something wrong with your voice?"

"What?" She cleared her throat and tried to pitch it even lower before whispering, "I haven't been feeling well. Just a little tickle."

"Well… okay, if you're sure? I could cast a spell to-"

"No! I mean, uh… it's not worth wasting your strength."

"Alright." With a little sigh, she focused on her hands again. "I still don't know what you want me to say. But if you're sure…"

Tear nodded enough so that it could be seen in the low light. "Yes. I want to hear this; I need to."

"This is so frustrating! I can't think of anything, except that… I miss you, Asch. And I wish you would just journey with us; I think we could solve this world's problems so much faster if we all worked together!"

"I know. I'll explain why we couldn't later." And he would, if Tear had anything to say about it. Both Luke and Natalia deserved answers for his stubborn refusal to cooperate.

"Why not now?"

"Because it isn't time. I know that isn't satisfying, but… please, there has to be more you aren't saying."

She wanted Natalia to really unload. There was a lot of hurt and pain weighing on her, and if she could get that off her chest, she would probably spend less time looking out of the Albiore's windows with a forlorn sadness none of them could touch. That was the goal of this exercise. Maybe it would do no good, but she couldn't bear to see such a kind-hearted princess carrying around so much agony. It was unjust.

"Asch… I can't." Her voice was strained, but resigned. "You can't talk to me, anyway, which is mostly why I'm upset. So how am I supposed to talk to you?"

"Try. And I'll have heard you."

"Heard me what? Am I supposed to confess that I'm in love with you?" Even as Tear's pulse skyrocketed, worried that this conversation would be far more than she bargained for, Natalia scoffed. "Come on. We've known each other our whole lives! Well… I guess we haven't, but…"

"I wish I could have done things differently." Which was probably true; she didn't doubt Asch had deep regrets about missing out on so much of Natalia's life, even if he might have no desire to get to know her currently. Only he could know that.

"I know you thought the God-Generals were doing what was right, but… you could have found a way to come back into my life, Lu- Asch."

Letting out a little chuckle she didn't truly feel, Tear breathed, "That's just it; I couldn't as long as the replica was around. He had to completely take my place. Not just a little."

"Maybe he has." They were both silent for a moment. "Do you even care about our promise to each other? I know we can't marry while the world is in danger… you probably don't want to, anyway. But does it mean nothing to you?"

Tear's heart was breaking. "Natalia… you mean so much. Not just to me, but to many people. Your friends would all die for you." This was what she had been hoping to say, and she was glad of the opportunity. "You're a kind, compassionate, noble woman now. And everyone can see that. Our childhood promise was important then, but who you have grown up to be is much more important. So… stay with Luke- I mean, the replica. Do your best for the good of the world and for yourself."

For a few seconds, Natalia pondered those words. At first, she thought maybe they had worked; that she had helped her get past her melancholy. That would be both astounding and satisfying. But as it turned out, she was mistaken.

"Something's wrong."

"Hmm?"

"You actually called him 'Luke' just now. I thought you hated him."

Tear coughed into her fist, trying to lower her whisper again. "Slip of the tongue."

"Under all that grumpiness… you like him. Don't you?"

"No." It was very hard for her to suppress her own personal reaction to such a question. Much though she didn't want to admit it, she had been drawing gradually closer to Luke. Ever since he discovered he was a replica, he had changed so much; become a kinder, gentler, more caring soul. And some of that caring was definitely focused on Tear. Her face was already heating up just from Natalia mentioning it. But she couldn't give that away with her voice while she was impersonating Asch!

"Hmm… alright." But she could tell the princess wasn't convinced; she was simply too polite to keep pressing the point when "Asch" was obviously uncomfortable with the discussion. Unlike Anise or Jade, who would have kept needling him relentlessly.

"We're not here to talk about that copy." But then again, they had already covered the main topic. "I'll… leave you be. It's late and you should be sleeping."

Even in the low light, the sadness that stole across Natalia's face was evident. "Oh."

"We'll meet again soon. And perhaps, when all this is over…"

"Of course." Smiling bravely, she squared her shoulders before adding, "Thank you for coming to check on me, Asch. Even if I'm still not completely sure of why you did."

"Neither am I." That much was pure honesty. Tear really had no idea why it suddenly become so important to cheer her teammate up in such a harebrained fashion. Maybe it was the one or two moments she had caught Natalia crying when she thought no one was looking. Maybe it was just that she felt a duty to a fellow woman who seemed to be suffering so much.

"Will… you come to visit me again? It doesn't have to be soon. But I like talking to you this way, without you feeling like you need to act so aloof and manly."

Remembering her current role, Tear folded her arms over her falsely-masculine chest and scoffed, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"It's alright. You probably think I'm trying to tease you, but I was just stating fact. All that posturing… it's not the Luke that I grew up around. Just a role that you play so everyone will take you seriously."

"Enough. I need to go." Clearing her throat, she added, "And… I may act like I don't remember that we even had this conversation the next time we meet. But please never think that you're completely unimportant to me just because of how I act. You have never been unimportant."

"Oh, I am," she laughed bitterly, wadding up the sheets between her fingers. "I'm a decent archer and can weave few healing spells, but other than that I'm pretty replaceable."

"Don't say that!" Tear found herself hissing, taking a step closer to the bed. "You're a beloved princess and a… a bastion of peace! And your healing spells are of great assistance to your team!"

There was a hint of suspicion in Natalia's eyes again. "You really do sound different tonight. But… anyway, you're wrong about that. We have an incredible healer with us. Tear is so much stronger, braver, and more capable with Fonic hymns than I'll ever be."

Such praise was so unexpected that Tear fell completely silent, a hand over her mouth. She meant to continue to build Natalia up, to both validate her as a person and reassure her that Asch didn't see her as worthless — even if that turned out to be a lie. No one could know that until the man himself broke his surly silence and actually voiced his feelings, if he had any buried under all that anger. But suddenly, the princess had turned the tables on her and she was the flattered one. Someone so regal really thought so highly of her?

Meanwhile, Natalia seemed to misinterpret the silence. "Alright, I know. You want me to acknowledge that I'm an asset to my friends. I guess they wouldn't want me along if I weren't."

"Yes, that's… that's better." After that awkward recovery, she took a step toward the door. "As I said, you will remain close to my mind as I do what must be done. Until we meet again-"

"Wait!" The word was said loudly instead of whispered, and Tear worried that she wouldn't be able to keep this meeting a secret if the others were awoken. Even though the hotel in Keterburg was quite expensive and well-built, the rooms weren't entirely soundproof.

But when she turned, she saw she had a new problem. Natalia had stood from the bed and looked as if she wanted to dash to her side. Though she raised a hand to ward her off, Natalia still took a step forward.

"Go back to sleep."

"I can't. Just… I need to ask you one thing first. Just one."

Gritting her teeth, Tear hissed, "Fine." It was what Asch would have done.

"Who am I to you?"

"You… are Princess Natalia. And a friend from the past. No more." She hated having to say that, but if she said anything else, it might lead to much worse misunderstandings in the future. Already, she had a feeling this was the worst mistake of her young life, but she wouldn't exacerbate the problem.

That feeling surged in potency as she felt two hands falling against the collar of her uniform. Tear took a step back, but Natalia pressed forward until she had her pinned against the door. All seemed dark around them, as Natalia's body was blocking out most of the light, far away as the window was.

"N-Natalia, please!"

"That's really all?" she insisted. Her eyes weren't simpering, or angry, or morose. It was an even, penetrating gaze.

"Yes! Now… stop this, I need- I really should have left already!"

"Asch, why can't you just be honest with me? Either…" Her voice tightened. "Either tell me I mean nothing to you, and you're only doing this out of some kind of weird obligation, or… or tell me… tell me that we could mean more to each other! But stop lying! I can tell you are, I just don't know what the lie is!"

Tear's throat worked, but she couldn't come up with another sound. This was definitely a disaster. As Natalia pressed in, she raised her hands to grasp at her shoulders, though her grip was so weak that she couldn't force the insistent princess away.

"Nothing? Really?"

"Natalia, I…" Her face was drawing closer, and she went entirely still. Terrified.

"I've wanted to be with you since we were children. Even before I understood what it meant to… to…"

Taking one bracing breath, she hissed, "This is… not proper. I can't answer you right now. Please, just… just ask again another ti-"

That was all the warning she had before sweet lips were attacking her own. It could be described no other way: hands clenching on her lapels, holding her in place against the door as Natalia kissed her deep, lips pursed hard. Tear had no idea whether or not it was a real kiss, because she'd never had one before. And now…

'Natalia is kissing me,' she thought in sheer alarm. 'This can't be happening!'

The worst part was that she wanted it to stop, but couldn't seem to do anything to make that happen. Natalia's grip was not fierce, she could have thrown her off easily — but her arms wouldn't obey her. Even the kiss was relatively gentle in spite of that initial burst of urgency, and did not feature an open mouth, which would have terrified her in all new ways!

Finally, the princess seemed to realise that her Asch was not returning the gesture, had not swept her into her arms and given her all she wanted. The lips withdrew, and the eyes sought shadowy ones slightly above her own.

"That… didn't feel the way I expected. It was… you were so gentle, and…"

Now that her mouth was free, Tear tried to form words, but what was there to say? It had been such a strange moment in her life that she had no idea where to begin. Eventually, Natalia seemed to notice that she was getting no response, and she took a half-step backward.

"Was I… was it not good?"

"What?"

"My kiss. Did I not do it right? I've never tried…"

She looked so forlorn and horrified that Tear answered before she had the chance to think. "The kiss was fine. You were fine; it's not that you did anything wrong! Please don't- don't ever think that, Natalia."

"Then what is the matter? You just…" Her hand crept up to hover just below her lips, and she whispered, "You really don't have those feelings, do you? For me. It's alright if you don't! But I can tell now that you… that what I did was over the line, and you weren't ready, or never wanted it, or… I don't know. But thank you for trying to protect my feelings. I'm just sorry it b-became necessary."

She wanted to comfort her more, to wrap her in a warm embrace and tell her that Asch did love her. But she couldn't outright lie; if it turned out Asch didn't love Natalia, it would break her heart so much worse to have been led to believe he did.

"You should go now," she said with a brave little smile. Tear was sure her eyes were watering, though she was having trouble telling in the low light. "I'll… yes, I think I'd like to get back to sleep."

"Natalia?"

But the princess walked calmly back to her bed and threw herself onto it face-first, shivering. To her credit, she was crying silently enough that the sobs couldn't be heard, and Tear only knew she was because of how close they were to each other in that moment.

This was her chance to exit. So why wasn't she taking it? She knew why. She just needed to find the right words before she could. And the right way to convey them.

Natalia stilled even more when she felt lips pressing into the sole of her bare foot — the nearest and most exposed part of her. Tear tried not to think too much about what she was doing or she might not have been able to go through with it. Either way, it was over in a fraction of a second, and once she pulled back she could see the misty eyes of the Kimlascan princess wide and focused upon her.

"You are worthy of love. I'm sorry I'm not the one for you here and now, when you need love the most. But please… don't think you are unworthy. That is the worst lie."

The confused green eyes seemed to be flicking between her foot and Tear, then focused on the latter as she stood and returned to the door.

"Will you… come back to see me?"

"We will see each other again. And I want you to remember what I said; you are brave, and strong, and beautiful. You deserve someone who can treat you as you deserve."

Then she slipped out, breathing a sigh of relief only when she was down the hallway. Near her own room's door, she heard Natalia's click open, so she hurriedly dashed inside and dove under the covers, but no one came knocking.

It seemed she had pulled off her charade, after all. But at what cost? Now Natalia probably thought now more than ever that Asch was harbouring secret feelings of love for her. There was no future in which this would not result in the worst of complications, for Natalia alone and for their entire team. And worse than that…

'She kissed me,' Tear thought again in complete shock as she slowly got ready for bed. 'And… I didn't hate it. Am I losing my mind?'

                                                          To Be Continued…

                                                          CHAPTER TWO

By morning, a groggy Tear Grants had almost forgotten about the entire incident. She dressed and showered, and then began to make ready to depart soon.

Until she saw the wig.

"Damn," she cursed as she hurriedly packed it in her trunk, the memories flooding back. There was no way she could have kissed Natalia the night before, was there? But she knew she wasn't drunk or confused by an enemy spell. This was her stone-cold rational brain telling her that the two healers had drifted a lot closer than she ever dreamed possible.

Or desirable. Though flustered by the attentions, she had definitely never wanted to know Natalia in a more intimate way. Or any other woman, for that matter. So why wasn't she able to brush this off? Why was the back of her mind torturing her about a kiss that amounted to nothing?

A knock at the door interrupted her frantic contemplation. Pacing over to yank it open, she beheld the princess in question. She was again dressed in her usual white-and-blue tunic, looking as distinguished and ready for adventure as ever she had — other than her besotted, transported expression.

"Come in?"

"Tear, you will never believe what happened last night!"

Already, Tear felt dread welling up in her stomach. But she had to suck it up and address the situation before it got even more of control. "Uhhhh, come in," she repeated while stepping aside. The less people to overhear, the better.

"He was really here! I… I still can't believe he came just to talk to me!"

Bumping the door shut behind the two of them, Tear tried not to smile ruefully. "Who?"

"Who else? Asch!" Natalia said in exasperation. "He flowed into my room like a shadow in the night, just to check on me! And I thought he hated me, Tear!" Both her pale hands pressed into her face. "Oh… I think I may have messed up, but I'm not sure!"

"Calm down, Princess. What do you think you messed up?"

Rubbing her hands up and down, she sighed, "It was all going so well… I mean, relatively speaking. And then I…"

Tear could feel her ears warming, and a bead of sweat rolled down her back beneath her brown military uniform. "Then… you kissed."

"Yes!" Natalia gasped in surprise. "H-how did you know?"

"Just a… lucky guess." Pulling at her collar, she asked, "Why do you think it was, um, a mistake?"

Twisting her fingers together as she paced back and forth, she began to ramble, "He seemed to just want to check in on me, and make sure I was doing alright, but I was- and he didn't even do anything to m-make me think kissing him was alright, but I did it anyway!"

"No!" The minute she gasped it, she could hear how insincere her pitiful acting sounded. Luckily, Natalia was very distracted.

"Yes! Ohhhh I feel like such a fool! Imagine, a princess throwing herself at a duke like a… a common street tramp!" Before Tear could reprimand her for looking down upon said tramps, she went on, "He was so sweet to me afterward, though; told me that just because he couldn't return my feelings didn't mean I wasn't worth returning them… I don't know, maybe he does like me more than he can admit? I would understand that! We're at war with the God-Generals, there's no time for… for me to be so selfish!"

Tear passed a hand over her eyes as she tried to regain control. Even though her voice was shaking, she told her, "Calm down, Princess. I mean… what happened? Why do you think there are more feelings there, under the surface? You said that, uhh…"

Her words petered out when she suddenly found a stretch of shiny black stocking inches from her face. "This!"

"What?!"

"He kissed me back! Sure, it was on my foot instead of my face, but don't you see?!"

As the toes wiggled within the stocking, Tear leaned slightly to one side to look into Natalia's passionate eyes. "Sorry, but… I don't. Does that mean something special in Kimlasca?" May Lorelei strike her dead if she had accidentally initiated some arcane Kimlascan mating ritual!

"Well… I mean, not specifically. But it means he really likes me! Seriously, can you imagine kissing a stinky foot of someone you didn't like? At least somewhat? So… s-so what if he does love me and just can't admit it? Maybe because he doesn't want to show any weakness that General Grants could exploit?"

"Oh, that's-" When Natalia pushed the foot closer, she reached up to force it away. "Hey! Listen, I'm trying to help, but I really just think you need to take a breath, o-or something! I don't know!"

Slipping her white boot back on and pulling it to halfway up her thigh, Natalia sighed, "You're probably right. Oh… Tear, I'm sorry. We don't know each other especially well. But you're my only friend- sorry, only woman-friend. The others are boys and won't understand, and Anise is…"

"Anise," Tear finished for her, and they both laughed. Then she raised a shaking hand to rest on her shoulder. "And… I'm probably not much better than they are. I don't understand these things; I'm a military mind."

"Yeah, but at least you aren't teasing me and telling me I'm making it all up in my head."

Tear's heart seized in her chest in sympathy. "O-oh… no, it isn't… I don't think that. I'm just not sure it's as deep as you want it to be. But you'll never know until you see him again."

"I guess not." A little smile blossomed on her lips. "That kiss though… even it might be the only one we ever have…"

"What about it?" As afraid of the answer as she was, she had to know. The whispers in the back of her mind needed to know if it had been something more than just a terrible moment to suffer through.

"He was sweet, Tear. Gentle… almost feminine, but strong…" The blush in her cheeks was very real and very rosy, and Tear could feel her own trying to match it. "I had given up on experiencing that with my Luke- or Asch. Either one! And even though I could never kiss him again, I'm glad I got to do it once."

The last bit distracted her from her own mortification. "You can never do it again? Why?"

"Hmm? Oh, well… he was scared. Or maybe 'alarmed' is a better word. I feel too guilty that I made him do something for which he wasn't ready to ever try it again."

"Oh."

"Besides, it's alright," she went on, crossing to look out the window. "I can wait for him. Now that I know he has some feelings for me, even if they aren't the same as mine…"

This was going down a dangerous path. She needed to tell Natalia that she shouldn't wait around for him. Because the real Asch might not have those feelings at all. But before she could speak up, Natalia was already heading back toward the door, having taken her silence as meaning their talk was over.

"Thanks for listening, Tear. I'm going to check in with the others."

"Wait, I…" Swallowing hard, she asked, "You're sure? About… all this?"

The smile on the princess's fair face was serene, confident. "He told me I was brave, and strong, and beautiful, and… worthy of love. What more do I need to hear?"

Then she was gone, and Tear had a real problem. One that only had one clear solution — not that it was terribly palatable.

                                                          ~ o ~

"You need another day here?"

Tear sighed as she rubbed at her face. "Luke, don't make me repeat myself."

"Why? I mean, Noelle said the Albiore needed some more repairs, but like, it's nothing we can't get done in Sheridan. And they're better equipped for all that, anyway."

"We should make sure the ship is skyworthy before we take off. Crashing is not going to make us move any faster."

Luke's crimson eyebrows narrowed as he stared at her, and Tear did her best to look completely unaffected. Detached. A skill that she excelled at most of the time. "Uhhh… fine, I guess. I'll ask the others."

"Master!" Mieu piped up, hopping next to his heels. "Why does Tear look like she's going to be sick?"

"Quiet," he said, picking up the cheagle by his blue-furred neck and holding a finger to his lips. He was still a bit unkind toward the creature, but leagues better than when they all first met. "It's probably something personal."

His round eyes went even rounder, and Tear had to suppress a comment about how cute the little fluffball was. "Personal? Like what?"

"I don't know! Maybe it's her lady-time."

That made Tear scowl. "My 'lady-time'? Really?"

Luke was at least smart enough not to respond to that.

                                                          ~ o ~

Tear's knuckles rapped on Natalia's door for a second time that evening, just after midnight. Maybe this wasn't the best idea but it was the only one she had; it was this, or wait for everything to explode spectacularly in her face at the least inopportune time. Besides, it was the right thing to do. Glancing around nervously, Tear slipped inside.

Natalia was already seated up in bed when she had been bade enter. "Asch" raised a finger to her lips to shush her, then turned back to ease the door shut quietly.

"Hello again," Natalia whispered — from immediately behind her.

"AH!" she gasped out. Just barely remembering to whisper, she hissed over her shoulder, "Why would you sneak up on me like that?!"

"Sorry!" Taking a half-step back, Natalia waited to be addressed again. Tear was distressed to see this nightgown was markedly shorter than the last one, falling around her knees. The princess was making an effort now that she thought her "love" might return. This was already out of control, and she had to make a concentrated effort to bring it back into some kind of manageable form.

"It's alright." Clearing her throat and trying to make the sound deeper, she went on in a whisper, "How are you this evening?"

Smiling slightly, she grabbed the hem of her nightie and curtsied slightly. "Very well, sir. Now, what's with being so formal suddenly?"

"I'm not. I just… needed to talk with you again."

"Wait," she cut Tear off. "Before you do, I have something to say. And it's important."

"Oh? Go on." But she didn't. She merely took another few steps back, fiddling with the hem of her gown. "Or… don't."

Shaking her head from side to side violently enough to make her hair bob in the moonlight, she said, "Sorry again. I'm nervous." Clearing her throat, she squared her shoulders. "First, um… I very much wanted to apologise for my behaviour. You clearly weren't ready for me to kiss you, and… and I know I made you uncomfortable, so I regret having done that without your permission, or your wanting me to."

"Oh." Putting her hands on her hips, hoping the stance looked vaguely more masculine, she announced, "I forgive you. Please don't worry about it anymore."

"W-well, I…. yes. Thank you." Bowing slightly from the waist, she rose to find Tear doing the same, and laughed. "You don't have to bow, too!"

"I do. Because… I also owe you an apology. Princess Natalia, I'm-"

"One more thing." Natalia's fingers pressed into her lips, and Tear felt her pulse quicken. "I wasn't quite finished. That part was… necessary, and I'm glad you forgive me, but I have more to say."

She nodded. What else could she do? The soft digits against her lips were already thrilling her in ways she wished they weren't. This was wrong! Not only was Natalia someone she never felt that sort of attraction towards, for a multitude of reasons, but Tear was there under false pretenses. Why did she still feel such a rush? Was she so starved for physical contact that even a slight touch of a woman's hand would make her heart ache for more?

"Though I'm sorry for the kiss being unannounced… I'm not sorry for the kiss itself. Because I do have very… very strong feelings for you, Asch. And I wonder if you could ever return those feelings."

"Please, I already told y-"

"I know! I know you did, and I'm not…" Shaking her head again, she clasped her hands just under her chin. "I know you can't right now. You said. But I felt your desire in that kiss, a-and in how you kissed my foot afterward. So if there's anything holding you back, but there might not be in the future, then I'll wait for you."

"You shouldn't do that," she warned her flatly, clenching her fists at her sides. "You should find happiness with someone else."

"There's no one else! Asch, I lo-"

"SHH!" To stop her from speaking those accursed words, Tear dashed forward and covered her mouth with her gloved hand. Natalia let out a surprised squeak, but didn't otherwise move or respond. "You can't say that! You… you don't mean it!"

Finally reaching up to grasp the hand, she stared up at "him" for a long moment. "Something's very different about you. I keep trying to figure it out, and I know you think I'm… it's like there's this rough outer layer that's been peeled away at last. Maybe that's stupid."

Hanging her head in shame, Tear turned to impatiently stalk toward the bed. Seeing that only gave her even more complex feelings, so she turned and paced the other way instead, bracing her hands against the chest of drawers.

"It's not stupid. I… it's my turn now. Unless you have to say anything more?"

One little hand rested on the crook of her arm. She felt stupid, just from that alone, and from everything else that had come before. "Go on. Please, I'm listening."

"Fine. I… I can't do this anymore. Even for your sake. It's so wrong; I knew it was, but I thought it could do some good! But clearly, I'm just ruining your life."

"What? You mean… searching for the God-Generals and the Key of Lorelei?"

"Not that. It's still important, I suppose." Even if Tear thought Asch was being too stubborn about not searching alongside them, she could at least concede he was trying to do the right thing. "But… I… I've been…"

"What? You can say anything to me." Her face was suddenly closer, but not pushing in for another kiss. Just closer to hear her every word.

Which was exactly why Tear couldn't just come clean and tell her who she was. Even though she had planned on it, she didn't want to see the hatred in Natalia's eyes whenever she looked at her. It would be unbearable. So she did the next best thing.

"I'm… not really Asch."

"What?"

"Sorry. I knew he would never come and say what needed to be said on his own, so I… took his place. Became his shadow to do the work he neglected. I thought it might keep you from feeling so hurt by his refusal to acknowledge you if I came here, and reminded you of how important you are. Instead, I think… I think I did more harm than good. You have no idea how sorry I am to have misled you, or made you feel, um, certain things. If I'd known you would kiss me…"

Her voice faded, and she no longer knew what to say. The hand did disappear. After a brief moment, Natalia whispered in a fearful voice, "Who…?"

"I can't say. If I could, I would tell you right now. But I won't lie about who I'm not anymore." That was the best she could do: admit she wasn't Asch without divulging her true identity. It was honesty without needless pain for the both of them.

"Y-you… came to visit me… I don't even know you!" Her hand clutched at the neckline of her gown, obviously freshly afraid of being alone in her bedroom with a strange man.

"You might, and you might not. But don't be afraid; I'm taking my leave here and now. You'll never hear from me again. I only hope you'll remember what I said last night. That you're a true beauty, and a force of nature. Don't ever doubt that just because Asch can't see you. That's his failing, not yours."

Tear had paced all the way to the door when Natalia caught her arm again. So close! Sighing, she held still and waited.

"Whoever you are…" Another slight step closer. "Thank you."

"What?"

"Thank you," she repeated gently, a slight smile trying to erase the fear. "I do wish to know who's wearing this Asch-suit, but I suppose it doesn't really matter. I… I can appreciate what you tried to do for me."

Shocked at how well Natalia was taking this, she gaped at her for a long moment. Her eyes were still full of affection, even if she was shaking now when she hadn't been before. No matter what the circumstances, she still believed herself to be alone with a man she didn't know; there would be no being at ease around each other as she was with Asch.

"Natalia…"

"But I should have known. I mean, you're so gentle; even if Asch kissed me, it couldn't be like that." Thoughtfully, she tapped her chin. "Not Luke, either…"

Sighing, she turned away. "I'm sorry I can't be more forthcoming. Really."

"Can I try something?"

"What?" But already, hands were slipping around her waist. "What's- hey!"

"Just… trying something." Her face raised up, close to Tear's — a hair's breadth away. "I won't kiss you out of nowhere again. I still feel guilty for that. But I wondered… if I came in this close, how you would feel about it?"

"I…" How did she feel? It didn't matter, really; that wasn't the most urgent thing. "You would still do this even when I'm-" She had come close to saying "a woman", but stopped at the last instant. Why? Because she was afraid of what Natalia would say. But that didn't make the slightest amount of sense. Telling her she was a woman would definitely drive her away, so she should be seizing that opportunity.

Shouldn't she?

"I don't care who you are," Natalia whispered, lower lip trembling now as their breath intermingled. "Or, uh… what I mean is… I do. But I don't care about your name, your face… titles. Just who you are inside. The one who dressed up like someone else and came all the way here, just hoping to make me feel less sad… whoever you are, however you know I was missing Asch and upset, I'm… I've never had someone care about me this way. Not just about my staying alive, like my friends do. But you… care about my heart."

The instant Natalia said it, she couldn't deny it was true. She did care. Maybe not to degree the princess was wishing, but she clearly considered it important enough to do everything of which she had been accused. Besides…

The lips were so close. And against all of her self-assurances, they were hard to resist. Having someone so open and welcoming of her affections made them grow within her from nothing. Or perhaps they grew from something, after all.

"W-wait," she breathed, pushing her lips aside at the last possible instant to land on Natalia's jawline. "We shouldn't, it's… I'm not someone you could ever be with."

"Are you my father? Or worse — Mohs?" When Tear shook her head, Natalia tittered, "Then I don't care. Whoever you are… my heart knows what it wants, and it wants the heart that tried to shield it from pain."

When did her hands begin pressing into Natalia's back through such a thin layer of silk? Her heart thumped even faster in her chest, louder in her ears. This was not only dangerous and bizarre, but it was happening so fast. Out of nowhere, she found herself whispering "Natalia" in a way she had never said that name before.

"What… can I call you?" she whispered back, her own fingers drifting up to play over the collar of the costume. "It doesn't have to be your name. It can be anything."

Without evening knowing why, Mystearica selected another short section of her full given name. "Ric."

"Ric. Alright…" Her hands slid up over the chestplate. Not that Natalia could have known what effect that had on Tear, feeling the slithering movement running past her peaks, but she had to fight down a pronounced shiver. "What do you want to do with me, right here, right now, Ric?"

"I… I don't know… I've never done this. Not with anyone, much less a princess."

"None of that," she admonished softly with a slight smile. "If I don't get to know who you are, you don't get to use me being a princess. No titles, no names. Just… you and me."

Her voice nearly broke, but she managed to maintain her whisper. "How can you be so, so… casual? Accepting? I might hurt you. Or… I might be someone that you would see in the light of day and never, ever be able to feel these feelings for…" To add insult to injury, she could feel her eyes swimming. "I don't understand…"

"Oh, Ric… come here." She kissed her cheek this time instead, and Tear appreciated the more moderate gesture. "Wow, you really are sensitive and sweet."

"I'm not. You didn't… I'm an idiot for doing this to you!" More kisses along her jawline, and she leaned into them even as she shivered, clung to Natalia like a lost little girl. She was so ashamed. All it took was one person being kind and gentle with her, providing her with the physical comfort she'd been so long denied, and she came apart at the seams. It was pathetic.

And it was getting worse. Natalia's lips worked their way down her neck and back up, and when she felt Tear shiver she drew back and whispered, "Sorry. That wasn't appropriate to the moment, I'm… I just want you to feel less afraid of me."

"I'm not afraid of you, Prince- Natalia." Her hands passed up and down the back through the silk, and she could feel every flex of muscle, every dimple of flesh. Hear Natalia's shaky breath so close to her own ear. "I'm afraid of this. Whatever it is."

The muscles flexed under her palms. "Mmm… Ric…" Tear took a step back instinctively. "What?"

"I…" Her hands came up and rested on Natalia's shoulders. "This is- I don't- we're moving too fast, Natalia. And you don't know what you're doing."

"Of course I do." Her hands grasped Tear's lapels and pulled her in close, forearms firmly planted between their bodies as she stared up boldly into her eyes. "Kiss me."

"What?!"

Her lips came closer, but stopped an inch away again. "It has to be you this time. You who claims me."

"You're such a…" A what? Tear didn't know what she had wanted to call her. A tease? Something worse? Either way, it faded from the forefront of her mind…

Their lips slid over each other eagerly as Tear's hands clenched harder against Natalia's soft shoulders, holding on for dear life as if giving into temptation would set her adrift in the miasma. There was no second of hesitation, no reticence from the Kimlascan royalty as they tangled their mouths and brought their bodies flush. The padding of the Asch costume kept it from being sorely obvious that she had a feminine form, but somehow didn't keep her from feeling the other one pressing in so close. Natalia was sweet, and warm, and perfect in her arms. This was everything she had wished for in the secret corners of her heart without daring admit she wished for it.

But with a woman?! Tear had never once considered that. Yet here they were, hands sliding into each other's hair. She knew she couldn't allow that; she broke the kiss and grasped Natalia's forearms to keep her from dislodging the wig.

"O-oh!" she breathed in slight surprise. "Ric…"

"Sorry," she told her in a gentle whisper, full of heat. "I… need you not to do that."

Her head dipped in silent apology. "Alright. Then… what about…"

When Tear saw her hands fall to her waistline, begin to hitch the silk upward, she yelped in surprise and covered her face. "Please! You are royalty, and I'm… you don't have to do that!"

"Alright," she breathed with a very quiet chuckle. She was laughing at her! "Too much, too soon. How about…"

Hands slid around her waist, and Tear mirrored the gesture as they kissed again. It felt so natural, so effortless now. This time, she was pushing her hands into Natalia's back through the nightgown on purpose, teasing flesh that she had nearly seen moments ago. Her stomach was twisting itself into knots. Lips fell to her neck and suckled hard, and she had to fight down a moan and turn it into a sigh. Every time they connected, it got easier and easier, and she knew that if she didn't break away right then she might always want more. And she couldn't even do that, knowing how important it was!

Before she could blink, they were sinking down into Natalia's bed, with Tear on top of the bold princess and gazing down at the way her shoulder-length hair fanned out around her comely features. Tear wished she didn't see that. She wished she didn't notice the bumps standing out in stark contrast against the chest of her nightgown. That she didn't feel something when seeing them.

"I've never…" Natalia wasn't unaffected; she was also surprised, swallowing hard when she realised how they were positioned, eyes glistening with shame as she averted them. "Ric, I'm a v-vir… I don't know how to…"

Surprised at herself, Tear whispered, "It's alright," instead of anything that would undo the damage done. She leaned down to kiss her cheek before adding, "That isn't what I came to do. I only… wanted to make sure you were alright. And to…"

"You don't wish to be with me?" The hand at her hip began to pet up and down. "I know this isn't why you came, but if you wanted me to… open myself to you, I would. I've never felt so strongly for a man before."

That phrase alone would have been enough to shake Tear from her need-influenced stupor. But the hand drifting around her hip to slide between her thighs did the job much, much faster.

"AH!" she squeaked as she fell sideways from the bed.

"Ric!" she breathed, rolling over to reach for her. "I- what's wrong?!"

"Nothing!" she hissed. But she already knew she had erred. The squeak had not been a whisper; Natalia had to know she wasn't a man now. And she had let so much happen that she never planned on happening! There was simply no way she could maintain her disguise with a hand fishing between her legs!

But Natalia was distracted by something else. "Ric… what's wrong with your…?"

The hand was just coming close to the wig when Tear realised what she was doing. The blasted thing was loose! Moving quickly, she shot to her feet and stepped out of range, hand on the wig to keep it from falling the rest of the way off.

"I'm sorry. I must… go for tonight." Her voice was taut as she took a step backward, edging closer to the door. "I would say… that I will never come again. I should. But I… I don't think I could do that to you."

Even from that far away, the moonlight managed to outline Natalia's slender neck working to swallow her fears down so she could speak again. "Please don't. I'm n-not sure what I did wrong, but if you- if it's so bad you have to leave…"

"It's never been you. I'm just… stupid." Then she turned to push through the door, running at full speed until she regained the safety of her rooms.

This time, Natalia did follow. By the time she pushed into the room, Tear had stashed the wig in a drawer and pulled the sheets up to cover the rest of her costume. She was shaking like a leaf, but hoped Natalia wouldn't notice that part.

"Tear? Are you awake?"

"Mmm?" Her voice was pitched extra high without edging into the falsetto range, just to throw her off yet more.

"Have you heard anyone going past this door?"

"Just you," she said in the same voice.

"Oh. Well… I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."

"Mmm."

But Tear didn't go back to sleep. In fact, she had a great deal to think about now, and the thoughts would plague her well into the wee hours of the night.

                                                          To Be Continued…

                                                             CHAPTER THREE

"Now that the repairs have been double- and triple-checked, we may as well be off this afternoon," Jade announced that morning at breakfast.

"Um…" Anise poked at her eggs with her fork. "That's great and all, but I think maybe Natalia and Tear are gonna need more time."

"And why might that be?"

"They look like death warmed over."

Anise wasn't wrong. Tear didn't even try to look at Natalia at all, because she knew they had both been unable to sleep that night. Even if Natalia wasn't fully aware of why. Her bones ached a little and her heart felt like a wrung-out sponge. Of course, that was nothing compared to how Natalia probably felt.

"It's my fault," the princess groaned, rubbing at her cheek. "I barged into Tear's room because… I thought I heard something. Probably made it hard for her to get back to sleep."

"Yes," she said, accepting the ready excuse. "But it's alright, really. I already had a lot on my mind."

Guy smiled easily, tilting his head. He may have been at the far end of the table due to his aversion to the so-called "fairer sex", but he always had a kind word for them. "Your brother?" When Tear didn't answer, he sighed, reaching the conclusion all on his own. "Man…"

"Well, it's settled," Jade announced with a clap of his hands. "If two of our number aren't feeling their best, we should take the day to rest and relax. Obviously, saving the world can take a backseat to adequate sleep."

Luke grimaced over at the taller man. "You don't have to be such a sarcastic jerk. We'll get going."

"No, I'm actually quite serious. There's a bit of further research into Fomicry I can conduct here in Keterburg. It could have waited a little longer, but with it being clear that more than one member of our team cannot perform their duties in top physical condition…"

"It might cost us our edge in battle," Guy admitted with a nod of his head. "I get you."

"And hey, maybe I can finally bust into the casino!" When the others looked down at her, Anise shrugged, her grin never leaving her tanned face. "What? It could happen!"

                                                          ~ o ~

But even when she was alone, Tear couldn't be rid of the thoughts plaguing her. Napping proved impossible, sitting around the hotel room drove her stir crazy, and walking around the town just made her teeth chatter from the cold while the thoughts persisted. Finally, desperate to find a way to get out of her own head, she returned to the Megalofrederica Spa.

Even after a swim and a bath, which did help relax her body somewhat, she found herself sitting in the sauna and hating herself. Natalia had trusted her — both Tear Grants, the tactician and fellow healer, and Ric, the apparently-desirable phantom — and she had let that trust lead to something terrible. She took advantage of a friend for her own selfish desires. Of course she remembered that Natalia had been the one initiating every advance, due to desires of her own, but that was beside the point; this time, she had only made the opportunities available. Waited for Tear to pounce. The last one that made Tear panic had been all Natalia's doing, but she was only taking the next natural step for the two of them.

Except it wasn't natural. Some schools of thought in Auldrant did acknowledge same-sex relationships, some didn't. Tear had never cared one way or the other. Now, she was forced to care. Could she ever be in love with a woman? Maybe. But it didn't matter. Natalia was not; she thought she was in love with some costume-wearing rogue, not an idiot who couldn't even manage to confess her previous sins.

Mid-thought, the door creaked open. Without even opening her eyes, she croaked, "Five more minutes."

"Wow. Who died and made you queen of the spa?"

It was Anise. That was just about the only thing that would make this worse. Throwing one arm over her eyes to shade them from the light from the door, she grumbled, "What do you want? I'm just not feeling up to being chatty right now."

"I want to get all steamed up! Seriously, what else would someone want when entering this room?" Shaking her head, she hopped up onto the opposite bench. "Geeze…"

"Fine."

A long silence passed. At first, she was pleasantly surprised; Anise was being silent for once! A quick peek showed that the girl was glancing at her, caramel-hued calves bouncing as she idly swung her feet above the tile floor. Maybe they would simply enjoy a nice, relaxing-

"Tear?"

Never mind. "What?"

"Did you and Natalia have a fight?"

"What?" she asked again, much less deadpan than the time before. "Why? I mean, why do you ask that?"

"You're both acting weird. And you barely looked at each other during breakfast. I might not be Jade, but I'm not dumb."

With a rueful smile, she muttered, "Sharper than those blunt-instrument boys, yeah." But when Anise only kept looking at her expectantly, she finally provided, "I'm not angry at her. Just… worried."

"We're all worried, but you look extra worried."

"I'm worried about her and Asch. I think she's going to get hurt if she holds onto him too tightly." At least that part was the truth; she could never tell Anise the rest.

"I'd like to hold onto him too tightly," she said with a lewd little smile. Tear rolled her eyes. That was about the level of response she expected from the boy-crazy teen. What she didn't expect was the follow-up: "But… I know what you mean. Nat keeps throwing her heart at him and he's not playing catch. It's kind of depressing."

After a moment spent blinking at her in sheer shock, she nodded her agreement. "Exactly. But how can I help her if I don't understand anything about this kind of thing myself?"

"Hmm. You got me. As long as I marry Luke or Asch, she can have the other one. Or maybe Emperor Peony. Or Jade, if he stops being intolerable. But yeah, nice that you're trying to help, anyway. I hope you think of something."

"Mm. I'll try."

"But I don't believe you."

"What?"

"I don't believe that you don't understand 'this kind of thing'," Anise needled, leaning over on both her hands and smirking up at Tear, crossing her legs in the opposite direction.

"Uhhh… what are you doing?"

"Where'd you get the love bite, hmmmm?"

That earned her a glare. "Anise, I don't have time for your games. What do you mean?"

"Right there." One hand drifted up, and at first, Tear felt certain the girl was going to grope her or something horribly offensive. But instead, all she did was poke the side of her neck.

"What? There's something on my neck?"

Anise grinned as her arm lowered again. "Yeah. A big ol' strawberry. So either you ran into a door at a weird angle, or a certain fon Fabre has been sneaking into your bedroom at night."

"I don't…"

It came to her in a flash. Natalia had kissed her there. One of those kisses had been more eager than the others. In their haste to explore and discover as much about each other as they might in that stolen moment, they had been careless.

"Fine, fine," Anise sighed, sitting back and readjusting the towel around her. "Keep your dumb secret. Even though I bet it's a really good one."

"Sorry," she told her in a quiet voice, knowing that anywhere other than that sauna, her blush would have been obvious. Anise wasn't wrong; the secret was extremely juicy. What was she going to do?

                                                          ~ o ~

Natalia was dining with Luke in the cafeteria when Tear entered. For an instant, she considered trying to back out slowly so as not to attract either of their attention. She didn't consider it fast enough.

"Tear!" Luke called out, waving her over. Natalia turned and smiled when she saw her there.

"Hello," she said shortly as she arrived at the corner of the table.

"Pull up a chair!"

"I don't have any food yet. I'll join you in a moment."

"The waitresses come to you, remember?" Natalia said with a warm smile, toasting her with her teacup. She still appreciated her help the day before, obviously. As she sat on the side of the table between them, she reached over and patted her gloved hand briefly. "Good. How was your spa visit?"

"Enlightening." Instead of elaborating further, she said, "How have your days been?"

Luke shrugged, hands angled back behind his head and elbows pointing at the ceiling. "Boring. And Natalia won't stop giggling to herself at random moments. It's weird."

"H-hey!" she protested, glancing at Tear and then back to Luke. "You didn't say anything about it before, so how was I supposed to know?"

He was just opening his mouth to retort when there was a crash from behind them. Tear twisted around in her chair, craning to see what the commotion was about. The blue-haired waitress, one she had briefly considered a fellow employee when she tried the job on for size, had dropped a bowl, shattering the contents everywhere. She looked thoroughly disgusted with herself and hurriedly cleaned it up.

"Wow, some people are just clumsy," Luke commented.

"It's regrettable." As she settled back in to wait to be served, she noticed Natalia was gaping at her. "What?"

"Oh. I… n-nothing." Her eyes turned down to stare into her tea.

But it wasn't nothing. Natalia was almost entirely mute throughout the rest of their meal together. Every time she or Luke attempted to engage her in conversation, she would murmur some brief response, then lapse into silence again. What was the matter with her?

                                                          ~ o ~

Asch. That had to be it; or "Ric", currently. That was the only conclusion that Tear could reach after hours and hours of contemplation. By nightfall, she knew that she had taken things so far with their strange dance that it had upset Natalia too much to reply. Maybe she had been putting on a brave face before, but apparently something about the sound of the bowl breaking had snapped her out of her pretense and back to reality. And the whole situation was her fault and hers alone.

So she donned her Asch costume and approached Natalia's door once again. This would have to be the last time. As much as a guilty little corner of her mind wanted to keep coming back for more, they couldn't; it wasn't wise, and wasn't fair to the princess.

"Come in," Natalia called out when she knocked, and she obeyed. There stood the regal form of the Kimlascan heiress, the floor-length gown from the first night enshrouding her in the low light. Her smile was guarded. "Hello, Ric."

"Princess." She pressed a hand to her chest and bowed slightly, then straightened to whisper, "I know you won't want to hear this, but I think we need to have another talk."

"I agree. But first… I just want to kiss you again. And I promise, I won't… won't um…"

Her hand gestured behind her to the bed. Tear dipped her head. "Thank you. I was not… I'm still not sure how I feel about that. Thank you for understanding."

"Of course." As Tear put her hands on Natalia's hips, she perched hers on Tear's shoulders in kind. Their mouths drifted closer, and again Natalia didn't bridge the gap. "You first."

"Your turn."

Her eyes crinkled with a smile, but it was sad, strained. "Are we taking turns? I didn't realise."

"I just…" Her stomach twisted into knots. "You still don't know who I am. It doesn't seem fair for me to kiss you purely because I want to, and to keep you in the dark at the same time."

"Ah. About that…"

But Natalia didn't finish her thought. Instead, she wrestled with something within her heart for a moment before she gave up and kissed Tear, a kiss full of measured action and chaste warmth. Gone was the reckless abandon of the last embraces, and Tear wasn't sure what to make of the change, so she simply stood there and held Natalia, allowing her to do as she pleased. The hands trailed higher to grip her collar and pull her a little closer…

Then pulled out and to the sides. Tear wasn't sure what to make of that, but the kiss ended and Natalia looked down at the collar, stared for a long, excruciating moment, and then looked away. Was she inspecting the uniform?

"Princess?"

"I told you… to call me 'Natalia'." After a few seconds spent rubbing the collar with her thumbs, she jerked backward out of reach, folding her hands in front of herself. She was visibly trembling. "Alright. I… I've had my kiss. What did you want to talk about?"

The actions were alarming, but she had no clear path to admonish her for them. So she cleared her throat to begin. "Natalia, I… I think we must cease these meetings. As I've tried to explain, you can't know who I am, and I can't move forward without telling you. A-and I know you would hate any other outcome, even if you don't think you would. So… so I can't see you anymore. I'm sorry."

"Oh." Her shoulders shrugged. "And… I guess I can't stop you, can I? Not when I don't know who you are."

"No."

"I see."

Heart breaking at the hollow expression on Natalia's face, she flexed her own fists uselessly at her sides. "But I really am sorry. If you think I do this frivolously, just to hurt you or… or because I'm afraid, you're wrong. There are reasons we could never- well… oh, someone else will come along and find you! And they will know exactly how special you are, a-and… and please, don't think-"

"You're really going to stop coming, aren't you? Because you're worried about…" A hesitation. Her voice was very careful not to betray any one emotion. "What people will think? Is that it?"

"What you will think. And other people, but only because it would impact you. Not because I care about them."

Her head nodded in acceptance of that. "Alright. I'm sorry to have put you in such a position as to have to… to worry about all of these things."

"Oh. Well… yes, but that's not what matters to me."

"You said it was my feelings. That I wouldn't feel the same way about you in the light of day." She bit her lip. "Maybe you're right. I can't know how I would react without trying it out. But… I'm sorry if it hurts you knowing this. I really am."

Something was wrong. Even more wrong than usual, it seemed to Tear. But she couldn't quite figure out why Natalia seemed so… dead. As if she were a ghost of her former self, haunting the hotel room for all eternity. It was almost worse than if she were outright sad, or angry. Now they were both shadows.

"Go. But know that I truly cherished our nights."

Tear took a step forward. "Princess-"

"Go." But she didn't; not right away. "Do you… not want to go?"

"I don't. But I need to."

"How did you feel about me? Before this."

Her shoulders sagged. "What does it matter?"

"I'll tell you how I felt. I thought… I could see a future with someone so sweet, and compassionate, and strong but not in the way my birth father is 'strong'. Someone who's always put my needs before their own, and proven that, even in- in only a couple of days."

"What are you…" But she shook her head. "No. You don't have to say this."

"I want to. I want you to know how I felt. Even if you never return to my room." Her hands drifted up, hesitated, then rested on Tear's shoulders. "Take me away with you."

"What?!"

"Let's go, right now! Or at least… if you could, would you take me somewhere no one would bother us? No one would… judge us in the way you seem to think we would be? Think about that. Would you want that with me? Or are my feelings only one-sided?"

Eyes welling up, Tear grasped Natalia's waist firmly. "I would! This isn't something I ever considered, it's intimidating, and- and irrational. But you deserve anything you could ever want. And I…"

Seconds passed. Natalia whispered, "You can't say that you want to be with me."

"No. But it's because I have no idea what I want. This is a part of the human condition that I've never understood."

"But if I wanted to be with you, that would be enough? You at least don't hate me?"

"Hate you?! How could anyone? I… I think you're incredible. And beautiful, and… well, you've heard me go on about you before. But if I wasn't worried about how things would turn out for you, and I didn't have duties of my own, then… then perhaps…" Her throat worked to swallow so she could get the words out. "I could see a future beside you, Natalia. Even if I can't right now, and I don't know if it's what I want… I could."

Her smile finally returned, subdued though it was. "That's all I needed. Now kiss me goodbye, if it must be our last kiss."

This time, their lips met on a more mutual plane. Hesitant, sorrowful, but grateful that they were allowed to meet. Natalia's head slid to one side, opening herself to more, and Tear took the invitation, running the tip of her tongue along her bottom lip. It was difficult, and strained, but somehow that made it all the sweeter. The raw honesty of this kiss.

Finally, it was Natalia who stepped back this time. She cleared her throat and whispered, "I won't keep you. Both of us have probably been losing sleep, meeting like this."

"Yes. But I have no regrets. Other than…" Her hand came up to cup Natalia's cheek. "Other than not being what you need."

"You are," she urged her, resting her hand atop the gloved one. "Even if I don't understand why, and how, and… oh, I wish you could stay…" She pulled away, chest rising and falling rapidly. "No, I- no. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel guilty, or anything. Just to know I won't forget you, and I'm not angry or disappointed. I'll do my best to understand."

"As will I. Because… I don't understand, but I want to stay, too. You'll never know how much."

"Maybe not, but I think I understand a little." They shared a sad little smile. "We can't always have-"

Tear held up a gloved hand. There was a little noise coming from out in the hall. She tiptoed a little closer to the door, listening hard.

"What is it?" Natalia whispered from right behind her.

"Shh!"

She listened harder… and realised it was song, coming down the hallway. As it approached, she listened to the drunken strains, and cringed when she recognised the two voices — ones she knew all too well.

"The bawdy old biddy from Belkend!" warbled Guy and Luke in something close to a steady key without quite managing to clap onto it consistently. "She had the most healthiest backend! She danced to a tune, from morning 'til noon, and the sight of it bouncing's a godsend!"

As they laughed all the way down the hall, apparently proud of themselves, Natalia hissed, "Those two! Can't they even pretend to be gentlemen?!"

"It's disgusting," Tear agreed, shaking her head. "It doesn't surprise me coming from Luke, but Guy?!"

"They're getting a piece of my mind in the morning! Tear, you'll back me up, won't you?"

"Of course. Everyone in the hotel probably heard them carrying on in such an inappropriate fashion! And the song had terrible grammar!"

"Those idiots. I don't know where they pick up such filth!" Sighing, she stood again, and Tear followed immediately after. "Now then… where were we?"

A little dazed by the distraction, she snapped back to herself. "Right. I was about to go, but I'm glad I heard them or I would have probably knocked them over on my way back… to…"

The two women froze. It seemed the moment had caught up to both of them in the same instant. A bird distantly called as it winged its way through the snowy foothills nearby.

"What… did you call me?"

"Hmm?" Shrugging, the princess said, "What do you mean?"

"A moment ago. You called me something else."

"Did I? Sorry. Wasn't thinking straight."

But Tear definitely wasn't satisfied with that. Taking a step closer, she demanded, "You used a very specific name."

"Sorry!" she insisted, backing up a little more until she was pressing back against the chest of drawers, eyes wide with horror.

"Why that name?" No response. "Natalia!"

She only stood that way for a moment, chest heaving, before she lowered her eyes, unable to meet Tear's anymore. They stayed like that for an eternity.

"Just go, Ric. I… I want to remember these nights the way they were. Preserve them in my heart. If you go right now, we can. It'll remain something v-very special that we'll… that we can always…"

They were both trembling by now. Very slowly, Tear turned to gaze at the moonlight filtering in through the curtains, her steps taking her only a few inches toward it before she stopped dead again.

"How long?"

It took a moment for Natalia to answer. "Since this afternoon."

"How… I mean, what did I…" Clearing her throat, she tried again. Her voice was still the same raspy whisper, even though she had a feeling she wouldn't be needing to do that anymore. "What gave me away?"

"You didn't. It was me. I wasn't…" Her voice sounded close to tears. "I didn't do it on purpose!"

"What?"

"Mark you. I just got excited, and…"

In a flash, the memory of Anise touching her neck came back to Tear, and she knew exactly what happened. Her hand drifted up to press into the area in question. "In the café. When I turned around… you saw it."

"Yes. And no matter how much I tried to tell myself… th-that two people could have hickeys in the exact same place… everything just… fit too well for me to lie to myself."

"Oh."

"Tear? I, um… I'm sorry. I was hoping you wouldn't figure out that I knew, and we could just close this chapter, and…" Tear turned to face her more directly in time to notice her bottom lip quiver. "And neither of us would be in pain. Well, not too much."

"It's me who should be apologising. Natalia, I… you remember, right? When I first came, I didn't mean to- I wasn't trying to lead you on, or ever-"

"I know," she assured her quickly, to cut off the painful confession. "This was all my fault. You were dressed as Asch, I p-put all of my pent up feelings for him and for Luke into you, I… I probably made you so disgusted! Throwing my body at you, a woman's body, and you were only t-trying to make me feel better!"

One of her shoulders shrugged. Finally, she dropped the whisper; the moment her normal voice sounded into the room, Natalia flinched. "Please don't hate me, alright? F-for… for making you… kiss me, when I wasn't the one you wanted to kiss. I really do care about you!"

"Oh," she scoffed, waving a hand back and forth as if these were trivial matters even though she was shaking like a leaf. "Honestly, it wasn't as bad as you're saying it was. You're a great kisser."

"What?! I mean… I am?"

"You really lit me on fire with those lips of yours," she confessed. Even in the pale blue lighting, Tear could see rouge rising in her cheeks. "Sorry if that sounds strange to admit now, but it felt so natural with you! And I knew something wasn't quite right, that you were too gentle and soft, but I was enjoying it so much that I tried to just… ignore that little warning bell."

A harsh little blast of amusement made its way out of her throat. "Wow. Meanwhile, I was mostly scared that I wasn't going to be able to stop. I'm just… no, nevermind."

"Go on. I mean, after what we've been through, I don't think it will matter if we talk about it."

"Well… I was going to say that I'm lonely. That sounds ungrateful, since I love having you all as friends, but I don't have anyone like… family anymore. No boyfriend or mother or father to hold me and tell me that I'll be alright. Being with you these past two nights is the closest I've felt to that in years."

Natalia took that in, staring out the window herself the way Tear had been. Then she whispered, "It's really too bad."

"What is?"

"That we're both women, and we like men. Because… I don't know… I think we had really good chemistry."

"Yeah," she admitted with a sigh. "Great chemistry. I didn't want to admit it because I was so worried about what you would think if you ever found out who I was, though. And all I ever wanted was to give you what you wanted!"

Smiling a little, she said, "You did? Well… I mean, I know you did, from what you said. But I guess that was one of the few things I've wondered about since I realised Ric was Mystea-RIC-a."

"I'm so stupid," she sighed, embarrassed beyond belief.

"Not stupid. But I did at least figure out why my advances made you panic; I was crossing a line that two women don't usually cross. A line teammates shouldn't cross, either. Even if you were the only one who knew. You tried your best to push me away, and I didn't let you do it. That's my fault."

Her eyes stayed squeezed shut. "Not entirely your fault. But I couldn't help that… that you… felt so good, I didn't want you to stop."

When she opened her eyes again, she saw that Natalia was no longer smiling. Delicate fingertips reached up to settle on her shoulder. "I know. No matter what logic I try to apply… it can't erase the memory of your lips on mine."

"Natalia…"

"Why didn't you ask me to stop sooner? If you don't want to be with a woman, all you had to do was say so."

"Because I would have sounded like… I was claiming Asch liked men." They both smiled in subdued amusement. "I was trying so hard not to say things that would slander him, even while making you feel less worthless. But seriously, he deserves a kick in the balls."

Startled by the off-colour comment, Natalia giggled nervously. "Oh! W-well, I… guess he does." They both shared a smile. "You really care about me, don't you?"

"Of course. I have ever since we first met; I admired your bravery for coming along, even if you were so ill-suited to the challenges we would face. But you eventually proved your worth, on top of your courage. I think you're incredible, Natalia."

Cheeks freshly flushed, she whispered, "I think you're incredible, too, Tear Grants. A skilled tactician and a true hero. But I didn't realise you thought much of me before these past few nights. Or until today, I guess."

"It's alright. We both underestimated each other a little, I think."

"Tear?"

"Yes?"

The fingertips moved up to alight on her jaw. Even the thread of their conversation thus far could not have prepared Tear for the words Natalia was about to speak.

"What if we erased those lines between us?"

                                                          To Be Concluded…

                                                             CHAPTER FOUR

It took Tear fully five seconds to form a response to that proposal. The first two were spent trying to figure out what she meant, and the next two on trying to gauge whether or not Natalia could possibly be serious. The final second was used to find her voice again.

"Erased- are you- do you mean that we should really-?"

"Shhh," Natalia bade her, free hand alighting on Tear's lips. "It's just an idea. You can tell me I'm disgusting and leave right now. Believe me, I definitely understand why it would not appeal to you!"

After a few more seconds ticked by, she managed to whisper, "Natalia, we're both women. I don't… I mean, it's not completely unheard of, but you- you wanted to pursue Luke! Or Asch! So why… would you settle for me?"

"'Settle'? Oh, Tear…" Her eyes were sad as the fingertips moved to cup her cheek. "You're not a consolation prize. You're a wonderful person! I just… well, I'll admit I'm not really sure how we would- there's a LOT that's confusing about- well, anyway, I think… if you wanted to try…"

They were both afraid of what it might mean should they move beyond friendship. Even if they had already tested those waters, it was under somewhat false pretenses. This would be openly acknowledging that, despite it not being criminally penalised anywhere in Auldrant, the behaviour was at least deviant. But there was one thing Tear needed to do before she could do anything more.

"What?" Natalia asked when she reached up. "What are you-"

"Testing you," she breathed, pulling out the pins holding the wig to her scalp. Once it was resting on the chest of drawers, she fluffed out her real hair before her hands fell to the buttons at the collar of Asch's uniform. "Or, well… both of us. Not just you."

Natalia took a step away, watching as Tear stripped off the cape, the ornamental tunic and the armour underneath. Once that was gone, her own form was revealed, wearing a simple grey shirt to protect her skin from the cold metal. She kept going, removing the gloves and boots to leave behind maroon leggings that complemented her shirt.

"A-are you through?" Natalia asked nervously. "Because if you keep going, I m-may have to avert my eyes. It's indecent."

"All of this is indecent. But… yes, I'm through."

"Oh. So… what's the test, exactly?"

Tear stepped closer, until they were inches apart. Now that the boots were off, she stood very nominally shorter than Natalia; it felt a lot more significant given that she was very nominally taller than her while in costume, enjoying the typical "male" height advantage.

"Can you accept me like this?" she whispered, gazing up into her green irises. "Even just for a night, or for longer, or… or at all. I'm a woman, Natalia."

"You really are," she remarked softly, staring down between them at their chests. "Much more of one than I am."

Tear dipped her head self-consciously, cheeks instantly warmer. Comments about her large breasts always caught her off-guard that way. "N-not what I meant."

"Plus I'm taller. Should I be the one wearing the costume?" Tear's embarrassed little smile made her laugh, even as she rested her hands on Tear's gently-flaring hips. "That's better. And… though I'm pretending I don't know what you mean, I do."

"Really? So… so what… I mean, how do-"

"I don't know. But I'm really starting to feel okay with finding out firsthand."

Her cheeks pink and her eyes wide, Tear whispered, "You… really should be wearing the costume. It's traditionally the man's role to be the decisive one. To… approach the lady, and begin the… the…"

The bemused grin preceded Natalia whispering, "You're so cute."

"M-me? Cute?" Tear loved cute things, but never had considered she might be one of them.

"Of course! But I've thought that before. I just didn't have a personal investment in whether or not you're cute until tonight."

"Really?"

The hand returned to her cheek, and this time she leaned into it, feeling helpless and lost and grateful for the comfort. It took Natalia a moment to answer. "Oh… this is so… it's so different than I expected, but I think… I don't mind. You're sweeter than honey."

Every word was making Tear's pulse pound harder behind her ears, her breath come in shallow gasps and tingles to shoot through the backs of her knees. Somehow, even though Natalia had never been someone she considered from a romantic standpoint before the past days, she had come to outshine any man who had ever caught her eye. It felt safer with her. It felt right.

"Tear?"

"Yes?"

Instead of a question, Natalia's lips formed a seal on Tear's, gently plying at them. Much more careful and exploratory than before, she pulled her face closer, delighting in the contact. Tear delighted with her. Every kiss before this had been a rehearsal for this one true performance. Now that Tear wasn't afraid, wasn't trying to be someone she wasn't, she could give herself over to it entirely without fear of recriminations or rejection.

As she had barely dared hope, Natalia took care of her this time. Before, she had thought she was kissing a strong man who needed no such considerations; now, she cradled Tear close as if she were spun glass. It would have angered her if not for the contrast from the last time. She didn't want to be treated like a man. She wanted to be loved for who she was, and cherished.

When they parted, she discovered that her back was draped over Natalia's forearms, head tilted back to gaze toward the ceiling. Natalia was bent over her and blinking down into her eyes. When had she been dipped so elegantly? The memory literally escaped her.

"You're really a woman!" she burst out, making Tear smile again. As she gently pulled her back to standing, her hand found the nape of Tear's neck. "Goodness…"

"And you're really- well, n-not a man! But… you know exactly what to… what I mean is, how do you know how to treat a woman like a lady this well?"

At that, Natalia grinned. "Finishing school. I mean, we were taught what to expect from a gentleman caller, to better prepare us for how we should respond. So I mean… well, I never expected that I'd need to, but I remember both sides of the lessons."

"Oh."

The anxiety in her voice shone through clearly. "So… I'm doing alright?"

"You're doing wonderful." Her hand came up to brush over Natalia's jawline. "But you don't have to be my 'gentleman caller'. We can just be who we already are."

"I am. The steps are helping me figure out how to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, that's all; it's still me."

"Still you…" Her hand passed over Natalia's shoulder, rustling her sleeve. Then she chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing. Well…" She could tell Natalia wanted an answer, so she embarrassed herself further by admitting her train of thought. "The nightie you wore last night. Where did you find that?"

Cheeks flushing a deeper shade, the princess admitted, "Here in town. I've never owned anything like that before — please believe me!"

"I do, I do. But it was very…"

"Yes, it was. Do… I mean, did you… like it?"

"To borrow or to watch you in it?"

"Either one, I guess. This is so confusing!" As they both giggled, Natalia shrugged. "If you want me to wear it, I could… change."

Tear felt panic trying to rise in her chest, but she forced it down. "S-sure. But I won't watch you change; I don't think I'm ready for… well, I'm just not ready."

So Natalia kissed Tear on the forehead, then trotted over to her luggage. Even the one tiny kiss made her giddy. Were they really doing this? Minutes ago, she had been trying to confess she could never return to her, and now they were contemplating kisses becoming part of their regular routine! The fact that most members of polite society would view it as taboo somehow did nothing to dissuade her. In fact, it only made the indiscretion all the more appealing.

"I'm ready, Ric."

Rolling her eyes at the name she chose, she turned around… and tried to pretend the sight of Natalia in the sheer nightie didn't set her pulse skyrocketing. But she managed to only squeak, "Y-yes. Ric approves. Also, Ric does not wish to be called 'Ric' anymore."

"Well, 'Ric' should have thought of that before telling me I could use 'Ric'," she giggled, pacing back over and grasping Tear's hands, pulling her toward the bed. But Tear dug in her heels. "What's wrong?"

"O-oh, I- no, nothing, I'm- I didn't think we…" Swallowing hard, she glanced toward the window, then back at Natalia's curious features. "Are we… going to bed? Together?"

"I thought we could lay down together. And maybe… find out what happens when we do."

By now, Tear felt like she was boiling, and was secretly grateful she had shed the heavy armour. As she tugged at the neckline of her tunic, Natalia released her and sat down on her own instead. She crossed her legs, watching Tear's eyes follow the movements. She knew exactly how much leg she was showing off in that moment and didn't seem to mind in the slightest.

"What?" she finally prompted.

"Natalia, you… don't give yourself credit. You're every bit the woman I am, and more."

Her smile was obviously pleased. But Tear still couldn't seem to drag her eyes upward. In reality, it was because she felt too guilty to look at her torso or her face in that moment. However, Natalia seemed to misinterpret the gaze. "Tear, there is… something else I've been wondering about. And you wouldn't comment on it when I came to you the next morning."

"What?"

"This." Her leg raised and she poked her stomach with her toes, causing Tear to back up a step and clutch the prodded area. Natalia laughed, "Sorry."

"My stomach?"

"No, no! I meant… when I was crying, and you kissed my foot. I didn't know… what I mean is, I wasn't sure why you chose to do that to make me feel better."

Tear nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Sorry. I don't know, either. It just seemed… I don't know, I wanted you to know I meant it. And the words alone weren't enough."

"But you could have kissed my cheek — or pet my shoulder, or my back."

"Oh… I guess so."

"It's alright," she assured her when it became obvious Tear had no idea what to say, lying on her side on the bed comfortably. That position did set her at ease, even if she couldn't bring herself to join her. "I just wondered if that was some kind of Malkuthian ritual I didn't know about that Asch had picked up in his travels."

"Really?" Tear asked, surprised. "That's funny, because… I was worried it was a Kimlascan thing!"

"What? But you're the one that did it!"

Laughing now, she held her arms behind her back shyly. "Yes, but… you made such a big deal out of it and I didn't know why, so I was worried I had accidentally asked for your hand in marriage. Or your foot, I guess." They both chuckled a little. "But y-you're right, it was a strange choice."

"I see. Well, it doesn't matter; you don't have to degrade yourself like that again just to make me feel better."

"Degrade myself? Oh, don't exaggerate; it was fine. And it seemed to make you feel better, so I have no regrets."

"It's not degrading to literally fall at my feet?"

"Not when they're the perfect feet of a princess, no." The instant she had said it, she slapped a hand over her mouth. "O-oh, I… that wasn't supposed to sound so…"

But Natalia was equally embarrassed. "What do you mean, perfect? I mean… my feet are just feet."

"They are perfect. I mean, all of you is." But Natalia seemed to be waiting for more, so she sank to her knees beside the bed and poked one of Natalia's ankles. "You have the cutest toes."

"Oh… well, I guess that makes more sense now. You're such a fan of cute things." Tear bent down, and Natalia began to ask, "What are you d-"

But the kiss against her toes came before she could finish the question, cutting off her words. Not that Tear didn't already feel completely foolish for doing it, but it was important that Natalia know she was serious. More kisses followed, Tear hoping to show her so much affection that she would never question it again. When she felt toes twitch under her lips, she pulled away, turning to see her reaction.

Natalia was definitely a blushing mess. But she was also smiling. "Wow. Tear Grants, you are… smoother than you give yourself credit for."

"What?! I'm… I'm smooth?"

"Definitely. My cute toes agree with me. You made us feel very cherished just now." When Tear only bit her lip, uncertain about what she should do next, Natalia's smile widened and she reached out a hand. "Come up here with me. Come on."

So Tear climbed onto the bed next to her. At first, she was straddling her hips, but they both seemed to realise that was unseemly and shifted a moment later so they were lying on their sides, gazing into each other's eyes. One of Tear's hands came up to comb gently through Natalia's soft hair, earning her a hum from deep in the princess's throat.

"This is crazy," Tear whispered as she felt two knees wrap around one of her own. "Are we really…?"

One of Natalia's shoulders rose up toward her rosy cheek. "I guess we are. But… it's alright, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I think it is. Does… that make us…?"

"I don't know what it makes us. Maybe nothing. Maybe… everything."

Their lips met again, and this time Tear was able to give her the level of desire she gave her before she had been revealed. Natalia shocked her even more by responding — not only with gratitude, but with an incredible level of sheer willpower. This was important to her now. To both of them, but Natalia seemed to be trying even harder to prove something to her.

Before she knew it, she felt their hips shifting. A thigh was pressing between her own, and she knew one of hers was between Natalia's. Could feel the heat seeping through layers of fabric. This was far beyond anything she had imagined ever doing at all, much less with a woman! The few times she had dared imagine something remotely close, it was Luke — not that she would have ever admitted it to him, or anyone else.

And then there was Natalia Luzu Kimlasca-Lanvaldear. How could a princess be the tiniest bit interested in some Order of Lorelei reject? She could have princes and kings falling into her lap, and there she was, welcoming her into her bed. And it was all happening so fast! It made her own daydreams seem pathetic.

"O-oh," Natalia finally gasped as they broke apart, panting for breath. "Do you… feel that? Is it just me?"

"Not just you," Tear assured her, petting over her cheek and neck. "Are we… i-is this-"

"Is it?"

Licking her lips, she whispered frantically, "But we're women, what will we…?"

"Well… this seems to be working so far." Natalia gave a few more firm thrusts against the thigh clamped between both of her own, and her luxurious eyelashes fluttered. "O-ohhh… oh, Tear…"

Maybe that was enough. It was not, according to everything she had learned about the birds and the bees in school. But Natalia certainly didn't seem to need anything more. So she began to thrust in tandem, moaning into the pillow at the sensations assaulting her. Even through her leggings, it was overwhelming! As they grew accustomed to the actions, to the results of them, they began to move faster, more roughly.

"Natalia," she panted some minutes later, kissing down her jawline to her neck.

"Oh!" she gasped out, arching her back when she felt teeth raking along it. "Nnhh, oh that's so good…"

"Mmhh… yes!"

One hand drifted up from her back to pet up and down her chest. The sensation made Tear flinch out of instinct, but then the fear gave way to pleasure once she got past the initial reticence. That definitely added something to their encounter.

"You like that?" When she could only nod weakly, Natalia squeezed one of her breasts and prompted a long moan. "You do…"

After another few squeezes and further grinding of their hips, Tear managed to whimper, "How are you… doing this to me? Are you even… real?"

"I could ask you the same thing! This morning, I thought… some mysterious stranger was falling for me…" Her lips pushed up and into her neck. "But instead, it turned out to be my best friend."

"I'm your best… best friend?"

Letting out a breathy chuckle, she demanded, "Who else could it be? Anise?!"

"Stop," she laughed, and the laugh turned into a long moan at a particularly firm grope. "O-ooh… m-my…"

They both fell silent for a few minutes — that is to say, in terms of words. In terms of sounds, the room was filled with grunts and sighs, the occasional half-scream. And their hips were shifting faster than ever before, causing the rustling of fabric to nearly overpower their other noises.

"Can I… take these off?" Natalia finally asked, her hand falling down to tug at Tear's waistband. When Tear nodded, they both shucked the leggings so fast that she felt nails raking down her calf, and honestly couldn't tell which of them was the culprit. Then they resumed, both sets of legs nude as they entwined.

"OH!"

Nodding into Tear's shoulder, she whispered, "Yeah! It's so much more! I can feel… feel how wet you are…"

Completely mortified, Tear pushed her face into Natalia's hair to hide. The sounds her body was making were so undignified! But gentle hands on her back and combing through her hair soothed her until she felt less ashamed of how eager her body was for Natalia to sate its needs. It also helped that she could feel much the same through the princess's undergarment, but she didn't dare mention that. No matter how heated their dance had become.

"Natalia!" she finally panted some minutes later. "Something's… I d-don't know, I'm… nhh!"

After a few more thrusts, she seemed to focus on Tear's outcry. "Are you close?"

"Close to… what?"

"Oh honey…" Her hands moved up to rest gently against Tear's collarbone. "It's your first? Well… I can help you with that. Here, let's set the scene properly…" Gentle hands removed her grey tunic, as well, leaving her entirely bare. Though her hands fell to hide her body, Natalia gently held her arms away.

"N-no…"

"Yes, Tear. You're so beautiful! You don't have anything to be ashamed of."

Her eyes watered as she gazed up into the green ones, saw Natalia's pink lips pull into a smile. Her heart was already trying to thrash its way out of her chest, but now she felt a twisting in her stomach along for the ride. Her lungs burned as she tried to think of what to say.

"So are you. B-beautiful." It was woefully inadequate, but she had to try.

"Thank you," she said with a lilting titter. "Now… come for me."

"What?" But Natalia began to grind her leg into her wetness again with twice the vigor from before, and she lost all power of speech. "A-AH!"

That was the last thing she could say that resembled a word for many minutes. Natalia's skill was unimpeachable as she assaulted her body with more glorious sensations than she ever thought possible. The pleasure built and increased until she felt that something approaching once more, but this time when her cries got louder, Natalia only sped up instead of slowing down to wait.

"Come for me!" she whispered heatedly into her sweat-dampened brunette locks.

"Natalia! Yes! I… I…!"

And she did. The squeal that ripped its way out of her throat when she reached her first orgasm was high and piercing, but she couldn't even care. That was what Natalia was trying to do: bring her fully into the sorority of womanhood. And in the arms of a princess.

"Almost!" Natalia started panting, even before Tear's aftershocks faded. "I'm… alm- I'm almost- almost there!"

So now it was her turn. Tear began to rake her hands up and down Natalia's back, hoping it would do something to spur her on. The sounds seemed to suggest it was working. Her teeth again fell to her neck, raking down to collarbone before she let her tongue slip out to trail its way back upward. One hand came to perch on Natalia's backside, gripping hard.

"OH! Ooh, I- I don't know how I feel about that!"

"I'm sorry!" Tear breathed fearfully, jerking the hand away.

"No, it's… I might have liked it, but I can't… it's so much!"

Tear sensed that she needed very slightly more. Running her hands up and down again, she then snatched up the hem of her nightie and began pulling it up and off. Natalia cooperated, allowing her body to be exposed much more readily than Tear had.

And there were the pert peaks she had glimpsed poking at her through the nightgown. They were small and pink, and to her way of thinking, much cuter than her own larger, darker nipples. Once they returned to their frenzied pace, she watched in awe as they bounced up and down - or rather, from side to side - thinking that her own had been doing the same and wondering if Natalia was watching them.

She was. When she saw the green eyes pointed that way, she smiled slightly and whispered, "You… like these?"

"Huh? O-oh, I… yeah…" Her face was already too flushed and sweat-coated for this to make any difference, but the way she ducked her head still portrayed her shame clearly enough. "Always was a little… jealous of your body… but now it's…"

Jealous? There was no call for that. So as they writhed, Tear pulled Natalia's face down to nestle between her breasts.

"Wait! What are… mmhh…" It took very little time for her to relax, nuzzling the valley between Tear's ample mounds. And not long after that for her open and panting mouth to leave wet kisses all over its skin. The actions threatened to get Tear going again, but she forced herself to focus on bringing her friend as much pleasure as she possibly could.

It didn't take long after that. Another minute or so of writhing, and Natalia was hissing, "I'm gonna come! I… I want to, I want to do this with you!"

"Yes…" One of her hands wound into Natalia's short hair and gripped, and the princess seemed to melt for a moment. "Is this alright? Are you alright?"

"Yes! It feels so incredible!"

"Mmmmhhh… then come for me, Natalia!" Swallowing her shyness, her uncertainty that anything she was doing could backfire on her, she added, "I want… I want to hear you moan my name!"

That had the desired effect. As her hips rolled faster than ever, she panted, "TEAR! Yes, Tear, yes! NNHAAAHHH!"

Tear held her body close, clutching at her back as she rode out the waves of pleasure in her arms. It was one of the strangest things she had ever experienced, even compared with watching whole continents sink into the Qliphoth. But the princess was a vision — a goddess unmade. Sweat gleamed all over her body as she cried out, back arching and trim stomach flexing with every movement. Then, little by little, she sank down sideways into the bed.

Minutes ticked by as they regained their breath. Then Tear whispered, "Natalia… we…"

"I know," she breathed back, eyes fluttering open again. "We did."

"What does it mean? I… I've never felt anything like that… before…"

A delicate hand came up to comb through the hair that had fallen into her eyes. "Mmmhh… it means whatever we want it to mean. For now, I just… am really, really happy we did this." When Tear's face pulled into a bashful smile, she nuzzled in closer. "And for how cute you are."

"N-no I'm not," she whispered, which only made Natalia nuzzle more, and her smile widened. "You really think so? I've had so many people tell me I'm… cold. A 'bitch'."

"Well, you are, in terms of how you treat the average person. But that's not all of who you are."

"Oh," she breathed softly, smile falling. But immediately, lips were pushing into the corner of her mouth. "Wha-?"

"You're very kind, and thoughtful. You just become all-business when it's important to be all-business, and some people don't know how to take that coming from a woman. That serious, tactical mind has saved our lives so many times!" Her lips moved to her jawline, leaving a string of little kisses all the way to her earlobe before lapping at it gently, earning a soft mewling from its owner. "Then, when you don't have to charge into battle or take care of a dire problem, you turn into this sweet little kitten."

Her heart was pounding again. "I do? Really? No one has ever…"

"You do."

Throwing her arms around Natalia, she pushed her eyes into the side of her neck as she trembled. "I-is it alright if I never leave you, ever again? Because… no one's ever said anything like this to me! Or made me feel like I have any value besides as a fighter and a healer! I feel s-so…"

Lips pushed into the crown of her head as gentle hands caressed her sweat-dampened back, trying to soothe her sobbing lover. "Shhhh, it's okay. It's okay, Tear; I've got you right here. And I'm never going anywhere."

They stayed like that for quite some time. When they finally realised the hour grew late, Tear sat up to take her leave, feeling arms slide around her from behind and smiling.

"It's amazing we resisted for so long," Natalia admitted. "I feel magnetically drawn to you."

Giggling, she glanced down at the hands so near her chest. "I think you're just magnetically drawn to my breasts." The hands raised to grope them roughly, and she let out a shaky, "Ohhh…"

"Maybe you're right."

Tear could feel arousal building again after a few moments of fondling. Somehow, the sensation of two little pink peaks against her own back only added to the heat it created. A thumb and forefinger pressed into either side of one of her own, and she sucked in a sharp breath.

"Tear? Is- are you alright?"

"Yes, I… nnhh, it's too much…" The hands vanished, and she breathed a sigh of mingled relief and disappointment. "Wow."

"Sorry." Her face edged around Tear's side and kissed the nipple in question. "All better?"

With a blast of exasperated laughter, she said, "You know that's only making it worse." Natalia held her gaze as she wrapped both lips around it, and Tear's smile faded as her eyes slid closed. "A-ah…"

That went on for longer than either of them would care to admit. Natalia seemed content to try, and Tear couldn't muster the willpower to fight her off. After a moment, she switched to the other peak, and Tear wound a hand into her hair to hold her there. It was strange, but she had a feeling that just about any partner she had taken to her bed would have attempted the same, given her bust size.

"Y-you don't have to stop," she whispered when Natalia sat back and tucked a flaxen strand behind her ear, clearing her throat in embarrassment. "Not if you're, um… enjoying that."

But the princess only shook her head. "It's getting really late. And it's probably strange that I just spent so much time on your breasts when I didn't think I had any interest in them before. Any breasts!"

"Don't worry about it too much. All of this is strange for both of us."

"You're right about that!"

Almost afraid of the answer, she whispered, "You really… like them? Mine."

"Almost as much as you like my cute little princess toes," she joked. But when Tear only dipped her head further in shame, Natalia kissed the side of her breast before sitting up more to stroke her cheek. "I was only teasing. Sorry."

"I-it's alright. I do think they're cute. And so are your breasts, by the way; I didn't really comment, but… I… where are you going?"

Though she had been afraid Natalia was leaving, she released that fear when she saw her kneeling on the floor. "Nowhere."

"Oh. Then what are- Natalia!"

A storm of different emotions welled up in her when she felt the princess's lips meet the tip of her big toe. Mostly shame that she was doing that for her, but also gratitude that she was so sweet and kind. Shock that someone of such high standing was doing something so servile and degrading. She tried to curl her toes away from her, to cease such a ridiculously unnecessary display of affection, but Natalia raised her calf enough to kiss the tip of each toe even with them curled. What a stubborn Lanvaldear she was.

"A-alright, I get it," she finally laughed nervously when she felt her switch to the other foot, kissing under the toes, down along the arch. "You want us to be even."

"I want you to know your toes are cute, too," she said as she moved up the ankle to the calf. "That I'm not 'the beautiful one'. You are so beautiful!"

"Natalia, you don't have t… oh. Are you going f-"

Fingertips pressing into the insides of her thighs until they parted cut off all further words. From that moment on, she couldn't speak; lips were tugging on the fur above her obscenely wet sex. They didn't stay there long, trailing downward, and she threw a forearm over her eyes as if it would help block out what was happening next.

"Ah!" she gasped, falling backward onto the bed.

"You're so sweet," Natalia purred before kissing again. There! Why would she want to put her mouth on one of the few places that had to be dirtier than her feet? But the lips pressed into other lips again, sliding amongst them, parting them just enough so that a wayward tongue could experience her sweetness again. "Nnhhh… thank you."

"Mnah?" she managed to ask. Not that it was truly a word.

"For this feast. Thank you, Tear. I want to devour all of you."

Everything bled together after that. Tear raised her legs, balanced them on Natalia's back as she felt the tongue bringing her even more pleasure than riding her thigh had done. She couldn't even tell how long they had been at it when another finish burst over her and shot into every bone, every vein. But it was fantastic.

"Don't…" Clearing her throat, she pushed up onto her elbows, the simple action causing her far more difficulty than it should have. "Don't tell me… you learned that at finishing school!"

"I didn't," she giggled, licking her lips clear of essence that Tear couldn't believe was there. "But I heard things. Enough to have an idea of what to try."

"Maybe… I can try that on you… another time?"

Cheeks already flushed but her eyes and shy smile now matching the redness, Natalia whispered, "I would love that. But I can't expect it from you tonight; not after I wore you out so badly."

"Thank you for… for understanding."

The time had come for Tear to dress and return to her room. Natalia dressed her, taking great care to kiss any area that was about to be covered up, and Tear found her eyes welling with tears from the careful treatment. By the end of it, there weren't many places that Natalia's lips hadn't been.

Natalia only pulled on her nightgown to see her to the door. Tear wanted to repeat the same actions, kissing soft peaks and tapering legs, but found she was still too winded; that would be a debt owed until another night. They shared a brief kiss on the inside of it before they eased the barrier to the outside world open.

"I'll see you in the morning," Natalia promised with a small smile. "And for a lot of mornings after that."

Bowing very slightly, she whispered, "Okay." Then she put the wig back on. "I feel stupid wearing this now."

"Hey, it was kind of sexy for a minute," she chuckled under her breath. "But yeah, I'm pretty sure we don't need that anymore. We can just be ourselves."

"Ourselves." Darting in, she left another brief kiss on Natalia's lips that gave her a head rush, because the door was technically open. Not that anyone was up that late. "Sleep well."

"Goodnight, Ric." Then she closed the door before Tear could complain about the nickname, a giggle floating out from the other side.

                                                          ~ o ~

"I still don't see why we have to stop at Nam Cobanda Isle again!" Luke was complaining as they rode the elevator up. Mieu was sitting on his shoulder, happy as a clam to be there. "There's nothing important here; just a bunch of theater weirdos and Fon machines!"

"Fon machines," Guy droned in a trancelike voice, drool emerging at the corner of his mouth.

"Be quiet, all of you," Natalia warned as the car came to a stop, the door hissing open. "Do whatever you want; Tear and I have to drop something off. Maybe go play that game-machine with the dragon."

Anise sighed, arms behind her head as she walked along. "Boooo, that thing is so annoying. Every time I get to the final boss, he kicks my butt!"

As they left the elevator room, Jade said, "Hmm." Once Tear had turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow, he said, "I wonder if the Keterburg Hotel has an infestation of some kind."

"Why do you say that?" Natalia asked.

"Both of you have similar red marks on your necks. If there is a pestilence in the hotel, the staff ought to be notified so they can rectify the problem. A high-class establishment such as that can't afford such a blow to their reputation."

Immediately, Anise was turning wide eyes on Tear and Natalia, a budding smile on her lips. Guy and Luke looked completely oblivious, the former already wandering off to look at the Fon machinery. Jade, on the other hand, was intensely suspicious as always, and Tear had to carefully compose her face to keep from giving the shrewd man anything more to latch onto.

"Who knows?" Natalia said easily, and Tear admired her ability to stay cool under duress. "Maybe we're both allergic to the tea."

Carrying the package between them, Tear and Natalia left the others behind and made their way between stalls and displays until they found the costuming department again. Every few minutes, they exchanged a smile or a giggle; it had been that way since they met for breakfast, and while making ready for departure. Every spare moment was used to share a stolen kiss. Neither of them were ready for the rest of the team to find out they were intimately linked… but they saw no reason that should mean denying themselves such simple pleasures.

"Ah!" The woman was still in her overalls when she spotted Tear and the package. Either that, or she owned several pairs. "Returning the costume already, I see. That was fast!"

"Thank you very much," she told her with a slight bow as Natalia handed it over.

"Did you get everything you wanted out of it?"

"Yes," she said with a slight smile, glancing in Natalia's direction. "I did. But you were right; it served its purpose and now someone else can make use of it. Tell Noir it's perfect."

All was quiet as the two newly-awakened lovers enjoyed a shared moment. Though Tear had been deathly afraid her idea would backfire, and it had, the end result was beyond her wildest dreams. In trying to help a friend, she gained someone to share her life with.

Then the woman muttered just loud enough for them to hear, "Which one of you wore it?"

"Hm?"

"Which one? I have a feeling it was you, blue-eyes, but I guess it could have been the blonde."

"I'm s-sure we don't know what you're talking about," Natalia told the sly-eyed woman.

"Ohhh, I'm sure you do. I've seen that spark of young love many times over the years, and when this one came in-" She indicated Tear with a nod, who dipped her head in shame "-she had all the obvious signs. Even if she probably had no idea herself."

Leaning in, Tear desperately pleaded, "Keep your voice down! We… I mean, this isn't- I don't want anyone to think-"

"Oh, don't worry, I won't go blabbing it around elsewhere. I know how stuffy and repressive some of the other cities can be. But nobody in Nam Cobanda would care about two young ladies finding each other in this mixed-up, crazy world, I can promise ya that!"

"Thank you," Natalia told her even more urgently with several bows, face white as a sheet. "Not that I'm confirming what you're accusing us of, but I… thank you for your discretion!"

Laughing merrily, she got the costume and wig laid aside and reached up to pat a cheek on each face. "Happiness and prosperity to the both of you. Nothing would thrill me more than to know I helped a young couple beat the odds — especially when they're so much bigger odds than usual." Then she turned away as if she had decided she were done with them. "Come back soon!"

As they made their way toward the Albiore, Tear walked a little closer to Natalia and whispered, "How could she know? I mean — th-that's so… I never said a word!"

"Maybe she has psychic powers," Natalia mused, eyes wide with disbelief. "With everything we've seen, that's not completely unrealistic."

"Yes. I'm worried she could be a threat to us."

"Oh, don't be silly; she just wants us to be happy." Her hand slipped into Tear's, and though she tensed, a moment later she forced herself to relax. "And I am happy, my shadow in the night."

Face beet red, she hissed, "Please, please stop calling me that, Tiara-Toes. It's the only thing worse than 'Ric'!"

The silly title she fired back with did make Natalia laugh, but didn't embarrass her equally to the nicknames she had for her. "Alright, Mystearica. Whatever my Midnight Lover wants."

The blushing didn't fade at all, but Natalia's lips pushing into Tear's red cheek at least brought a smile to her face that lasted all the way to the elevator, and even lingered once back on the ship. True joy tended to do that to a person. Besides, Tear could never stay mad at her princess.

                                                          THE END

[theclockworkbibliophile-blog]

Three Sides of a Heart: Stories About Love Triangles ARC Review [Spoiler Free]

Goodreads Synopsis:

You may think you know the love triangle, but you've never seen love triangles like these. These top YA authors tackle the much-debated trope of the love triangle, and the result is sixteen fresh, diverse, and romantic stories you don’t want to miss. This collection, edited by Natalie C. Parker, contains stories written by Renee Ahdieh, Rae Carson, Brandy Colbert, Katie Cotugno, Lamar Giles, Tessa Gratton, Bethany Hagan, Justina Ireland, Alaya Dawn Johnson, EK Johnston, Julie Murphy, Garth Nix, Natalie C. Parker, Veronica Roth, Sabaa Tahir, and Brenna Yovanoff. A teen girl who offers kissing lessons. Zombies in the Civil War South. The girl next door, the boy who loves her, and the girl who loves them both. Vampires at a boarding school. Three teens fighting monsters in an abandoned video rental store. Literally the last three people on the planet. What do all these stories have in common? The love triangle. 

Review:

I received an early copy from Edelweiss and HarperTeen in exchange for this honest review.

It’s obvious by the title what this anthology is about. Who doesn’t love a good love triangle that causes the reader to choose sides and debate with friends?

Riddles in Mathematics by Katie Cotugno 

The first short story in this anthology breaks the barrier immediately: lesbian love. Unfortunately, I haven’t read too much romance featuring lesbians and I’ve always wanted to change that when I got interested in diverse reads this past year. 

Ro is a lesbian, but she seems to be defined as that kind of “tomboy” lesbian. She wears her brother’s clothes and her hair is short in the 90′s boy style. She struggles with her relationship with her mother ever since coming out and it’s sad that she feels like she can’t be herself, even around her friends considering she has a crush on her brother’s friend Taylor. She also believes that her brother and Taylor secretly like each other. 

In this short story, we basically see Ro navigate her way through Christmas break, parties and family dinners while also interacting with her crush and getting accidentally shot down by another girl without meaning to get shot down in the first place.

This short story was really nice to read and really cute and a wonderful start to this anthology.

Dread South by Justina Ireland

I knew this one had something to do with Justina’s upcoming novel, Dread Nation. I actually should have gathered this from the title. I had an inkling, while reading this short story, that this was somehow connected to the novel and I was right! As far as I know, since I haven’t read Dread Nation yet, this short story does not feature characters that are going to be in her new novel. 

Just like the first short story in this anthology, it is a f/f story. Louisa is meant to be courted by Everett, a wealthy man. He buys her an Attendant, a black girl named Juliet, to protect her while the undead walk. This girl practically amazes Louisa with the way she fights the zombies and with her bravery.

I feel like this short story is meant to prepare the reader for Dread Nation, depending on if you read it before the novel, though. It makes me excited to read it, though!

Omega Ship by Rae Carson

This one was rather weird. The love triangle is the basic: two boys love the same girl. However, the “love” is not what you think.

Eva wakes up on a spaceship that is going down. She is in a pod, naked, and kept alive with some goo. She finds another boy, Dirk. He is naked, too. Then another boy comes in that Eva saves, being Jesse. The three of them escape and land on a strange planet with big insects and no other forms of civilization.

Here’s the strange part that doesn’t constitute the regular idea of a love triangle. They need to repopulate the planet and, basically, Eva needs to choose which one she wants to repopulate with first. 

It’s like a freaking orgy or something and they are perfectly okay with that. There is like a tiny touch of feminism at the end, but it doesn’t really make up for the strange storyline here. It was just weird.

La Revancha del Tango by Renee Ahdieh

This one was kind of cute. Again, basic trope of a love triangle...sort of. I didn’t really get a sense of the other point of the triangle. There is a boy that finds the main character, Maya, attractive. It may just be me, but I didn't find another viable boy to complete the triangle. There are other men that Maya interacts with, but that’s about it.

Maya is on a trip to Buenos Aires and goes dancing with the boy, Blake, and other people. There is a lot of salsa dancing and kind of dirty dancing that excites Maya. Maya dances with a few men before dancing with Blake and then going to dance with someone else. 

The one thing I did like is the physical description of Blake. I got the sense that he wasn’t your typical brooding MC. He has a beard that could rival Gandalf’s and he has dark rimmed glasses and a British accent. He’s kind of obnoxious and loud. Compared to Maya’s physical description, he wouldn’t be her type. However, he seems to be. I like that aspect of this short story.

Cass, An, Dra by Natalie C. Parker

I really liked this one. It was very unique and focuses on different directions, kind of like a fork in the road. Cass is able to see different futures, depending on her decision of yes or no. She is in a relationship with An and they have a real connection.

However, her decisions get tricky when one of her futures include kissing a boy named Dra and she can’t stop thinking about it, especially when she keeps seeing him around. 

The ending of this short story kind of leaves at a cliffhanger where Cass can’t rely on her power to make a decision. She must make the decision by herself as a human.

I really liked this short story and its premise. It’d be interesting if this was built into a longer novel/series.

Lessons for Beginners by Julie Murphy

This short story was really cute. It follows a f/f trope and doesn’t focus a lot on a love triangle. One of the girls, Annie, is in a relationship with a boy that sucks at kissing. She goes to her ex-best friend, Ruby, to get lessons on kissing. Ruby is not the kind of character you’d expect to give kissing lessons, but that makes it better because she is a “fat” character.

POWER TO THE CURVES!

Anyway, Annie and Ruby kiss during the lesson and it really gets Ruby thinking about how she feels about Annie. The short story follows Ruby’s feelings about Annie and how to resolve it. 

It was very cute and I loved the diversity of the physical attributes. Annie is of mixed race, Ruby is a curvy girl. I love it.

Triangle Solo by Garth Nix

I...don’t know what I read. I believe the only triangle represented in this story is the musical instrument...

Vim and Vigor by Veronica Roth

I really liked this story because it’s not really about a love triangle. The main character, Edie, must decide between two different guys that have asked her to prom. She goes to her friend’s house, Kate, to try this simulator that gives her different scenarios based on her decision.

Edie used to be friends with Kate until a horrible accident occurred not too long ago, causing Edie to drift away. 

Really, this short story is about friendship. If you think about it, it’s really like a love square. Edie, Chris, Evan, and Kate. 

The ending was bittersweet.

Work in Progress by E.K. Johnston

I really appreciated that the triangle trope did not have a specified gender. However, the use of the 2nd person POV really messed me up. I might be the only reader having experienced it with this short story, but I couldn’t follow what was going on whatsoever. I understand it had to do with making a choice, I suppose. However, it was all one big blur in my head.

Hurdles by Brandy Colbert

I love the diversity in this short story. We have POC involved in our triangle trope and even a family with two dads. That is a major bonus.

Mavis is pressured constantly by her father to impress the scouts for her upcoming track meet. Her life gets thrown into a spin when the boy she has liked, and possible loved for so long, returns. This doesn't help the fact that Mavis currently has a boyfriend right now. It gets even trickier when Bobby, the boy who has returned, gives her an offer.

The ending is a cliffhanger, but I think I know how it might turn out for Mavis. Just from this short story, she has a good head on her shoulders either way. 

The Historian, the Garrison, and the Cantankerous Cat Woman by Lamar Giles

Well, that was just sickeningly twisted...

Waiting by Sabaa Tahir

Oh, this one made my heart race. We have Ani (Poe) who is dealing with the temporary absence of the boy she just kissed, Sam, because of his sentencing to jail. Also, we have Felix arriving to work with her at the small story. He has a crush on her, but Ani can’t stop thinking about Sam.

There are some letters sent back and forth between Sam and Ani while Ani is kind of developing some feelings for Felix. Even though Sam is stubborn and believes he is worthless and doesn’t deserve Ani, Ani can’t stop thinking about Sam and their kiss.

This short story was, dare I say, hot. Probably the best one so far.

Vega by Brenna Yovanoff

This short story was very interesting and a lot more metaphorical than the other stories featured. We have these two friends, Alex and Betsy, who live in Las Vegas. Alex is in love with Betsy, but Betsy continuously goes off with other men that don’t matter. There is a lot of reference to drugs, smoking, drinking, partying, the whole nine yards. It’s Vegas, of course.

I’m not sure if I totally understand what happened at the end, but it appeared to be some sort of an epiphany/happy ending for Betsy. Overall though, the story’s meaning is kind of beautiful.

A Hundred Thousand Threads by Alaya Dawn Johnson

I couldn’t really follow this one that well. I’m not sure if it was the formatting or trying to get through the actual reality of the triangle trope. It got confusing trying to figure out who was a real character, who wasn’t a real character, the gender, etc. It just seemed kind of messy to me.

Before She Was Bloody by Tessa Gratton

So, we’ve definitely got a female character that holds so much power and she loves that power. She is totally wicked and is even better because she holds a relationship with, whom I presume to be, her right-hand girl that is also meant to be her doppelgänger. Things take a spin when her brother returns home with a friend that both girls want. It’s like Tessa is hinting at an orgy or polyamorous relationship? I don’t know. This short story was very...deep.

It was definitely interesting, though. The writing style was amazing and I loved the setting and diversity aspect of it. 

Unus, Duo, Tres by Bethany Hagen

VAMPIRES!

Oh, I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve read a vampire story! Maybe since Twilight? Holy shit.

Let’s just say this short story, the last one, was the perfect send off to this anthology. 

The Bottom Line

Some of these short stories were very odd and hard to follow. I’m very picky with the whole triangle trope, but I loved that these authors did include major diversity with their stories. Hell, we got vampires to close it all off! That might be what sealed my rating, actually.

This book is available December 19, 2017.

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Rating: ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐