#And my ~ compensating by contemplating ~ also takes. Energy.

[nature-played-a-trick-on-me]

It's almost funny how I talked with ppl from school like 'fair warning, lots of people overestimate me because I look like I've got it all sorted and I get good grades but please please listen to me when I say I can't cope' 'ohhh no we're not going to overestimate you!'

Guess what happened?

[tlacehualli]

“I’ll always be here when you need me. You know that, right?”

The silence stretches between them. She's inhaling the familiar sharp nicotine smoke and she can feel the way it tastes as well as the cold in the air, not that it stands a chance when her body is burning through energy like it is. She's been eating a lot to compensate. There's little perks to that, as if by sheer coincidence, the way she functioned made her artificially highly resistant to the cold. It used to come at the cost of making her far worse in the heat - though the woman next to her had been the one to fix that a long time ago.

She owed her a fuck of a lot. Certainly not to act like a fucking zombie at her house after breaking into it. Some steel comes over her expression, not quite stony but brave and she's forcing pieces of herself back together into something colder and more removed. The silence, the cold, the warmth next to her and the arm around her shoulder, the smoke and snow in the darkness - she contemplates it all like meditation, letting her senses become hyper aware of outside stimuli to lessen the loudness in her mind. She's been beside herself for long enough.

The cigarette goes out and she lets the flame die in the wind before turning to Angela and nodding her head at the door wordlessly, and the two head inside - though this time she takes the doctor's hand in her own and squeezes it in a wordless 'Don't worry, I haven't lost myself into incomprehensible brain soup again' sort of gesture. She removes her little boots and lets go of the doctor's hand, heading further into the house. "Put on something for us to watch? I'm just gonna wash my face and brush my teeth."

"Go ahead. I'll make us hot chocolate."

Angela's in 'take care of others' mode and Sombra recognizes it, has performed it's mirror for Angela more than once by now. It makes her actually smile whilst heading down the hallway. She steps into the bathroom and closes the door behind her, squeezing her eyes shut and just taking a deep lungful of air before exhaling slowly. Opens her eyes and meets them in the mirror with something fierce within her, taking the soap in one hand and turning on the faucet with another. Washing her hands, brushing her teeth, that becomes meditation too. Looking at herself in the mirror every once in a while. She was gonna have to go back tomorrow and her shit needed to be together in a way it was absolutely not right now. Luckily it was a short flight - just over a mountain range and she'd be there in an hour or so. Which was good. She needed to sleep late.

Also she was gonna have to look at the Widow in a way that didn't make it fucking obvious that she was having some weird sort of breakdown. So. Together.

She dries her mouth, her hands, and opens the door to the bathroom, stepping out into the hallway. There's the sound of seagulls and a peaceful voice with a distinctly British accent (she forgot the gringo's name but he was super famous or something) that grows louder with each of her steps and a swelling, distinct smell of really good, really fancy Swiss hot chocolate and it softens some of the sharpness she'd molded herself into in there. Angela's looking back from the couch at her with a kind smile that the hacker returns, settling into the couch next to her carefully so as not to disturb their mugs.

"Okay. So. You have probably deduced that there's a lot of stuff I just don't talk about." Her words become clipped and precise, her accent providing a lilt around perfect grammar and a tilt to her diction that is distinctly Mexican. Also she's cognizant of the look of amused disbelief on Angela's expression at her overt formality about an extremely personal thing. But it was the only way she knew how to say it without getting all weepy. So she sticks out her tongue and shushes her before settling in closer to the doctor so as to share warmth under a blanket.

Part of her is also watching the screen - a pod of orcas has broken the surface near chunks of ice where a seal is hanging out and it's getting incredibly violent on screen. "Shit. Glad I'm not a seal." She sips at hot chocolate and smirks half-heartedly before continuing. "So, as usual, I can't give you any details but I'll just phrase it in a way that captivates my situation." Still really technical, but unlike her previous, terse sentences, there's a great amount of thought put into the way she's saying things.

"One of my sins is eating away at me. It's a sin that I haven't technically committed yet but it will. It may as well have come to pass already a long time ago." She goes in for another slow, long sip, contemplative whilst her cybernetic eyes commit everything on the screen to memory. The seal's been slapped into the air with a powerful kick and she sees a crimson arc spray in one direction. Little thing doesn't stand a chance. She almost feels as if her teeth are particularly sharp in that moment. "There's nothing I can do to stop it. It might be today. Next week. Next year. I don't know. I think I find comfort in quantifying things and putting boxes around them but I can't do that with this."

The seal is enough to feed all three. They're not gentle. By the time they're done, their sharp teeth have painted a large patch of water - larger than she'd thought it would be - in deep crimson fading away into dark Arctic ocean blue. She looks at her nails instead, noting chips at the edges of their pale violet hue.

"I'll always be there when you need me. You know that, right?"

She doesn't know how true that would be if she could be specific with the details - but that's not the reality she's living in right now and probably never would be. That wasn't going to be a good day, though. Was it selfish of her to seek solace in someone who might very well want to kill her about it if she knew? Was it monstrous of her? She found she didn't know the answer when she looked at her.

Ah well. What was another sin. "I know. So will I if I have any say in it."

[sophlubbwriting]

Shifting to your arms - 02

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Summary: This is a slice-of-life series where you, the reader successfully shifted realities with the goal to spend time with Loki. Nothing too intense.

A/N: I was quite scared to write a fight scene, especially since my knowledge about actual fights was... limited... but here it is! I hope y'all like it!

Feel free to shoot me a request and I'll see what I can do!

Taglist: @gingerspicetalks​ @adoreyou976​

Feedback is always appreciated!

Chapter Summary: Fight training with the god of mischief. There isn’t much else to it.

Chapter warnings: fight training, self doubts, Loki being Loki

Word count: 2016

9:50pm.

Lucky for you, a pair of black sweatpants plus an oversized zip-up hoodie just waited for you in your wardrobe.

You couldn’t waste any more time and felt comfortable with your choice of clothes, so you opened the door and stepped out on the hallway. The whole tower felt more silent than it had been a few hours earlier which might be caused by the time Loki had picked. Everyone was following their respective evening routine, but it isn't too late to be seen in the corridors.

While strutting to the gym, you checked whether you had everything with you. You got a bottle of water, that's it. After all, what else did you need?

Contemplating your choice, you were doubting yourself. Would Loki be a good teacher? What would he teach you? He is a true genius when in regards to all things magic, he was also a master manipulator, but the god of mischief doesn't seem like someone well-versed in hand to hand combat.

However, Loki really seems to love his daggers. Honestly, it's kind of weird how he isn't the god of daggers as well, it would surely be a fitting title. Maybe you can somehow convince him to give you a dagger and show you how to fight with it.

Receiving one of Loki's truly beautiful daggers sounds like a great idea, but it would probably hit too close to home for Loki. Giving someone their dagger, is a huge tradition in Asgard connected with courting someone after all.

So, looks like you won't get a dagger.

As you entered the gym, the smell of new gym mats and sweat flew in your face, but what ended up taking your breath away was the backside of someone's infamous asgardian combat clothing. Why was he standing there? Has he been pacing up and down while waiting for you? You couldn't help but smile at the thought of him waiting for you impatiently.

“Oh look at that, right on time. I didn't expect that  from a midgarian.”

Of course Loki would talk down on you based on your midgarian heritage, that was predictable. It would have been out of character if he didn't, honestly.

He sighed and he finally turned around, a hint of a smirk was still visible on his face.

“But at last you're here, so let's...”

Slowly mustering you, he took a moment to finish his sentence, dropping his smirk.

“...begin. Is that what midgarians deem as 'fashionable'?”

And with it the grin you wore was washed away. His mischievous tone vanished rather quickly, causing you to feel quite self aware. Your confidence from earlier? Gone, just like that.

His words hurt you more than you anticipated, but you tried your best to hide your vulnerability.

In an attempt to defend your choice in clothes, you told him that you valued comfortability over style. “Unlike you, I don't have to dress to impress.” you added. Scrunching his nose the god wanted to drop another sassy comment, but he decided otherwise.

You shook your head. Being still a bit salty after his rude comment, you voiced your doubts.

“Honestly, I don't know anymore if you were the correct choice.”

Nothing.

You both just stood there and looked into each others eyes. For a second you thought Loki's eyes looked... disappointed?

The silence was unbearable, but neither of you knew what to say, until Loki found his voice again.

“Pardon me?” he asked, finally breaking the silence after what felt like hours, but could have been only seconds.

In an effort to do some sort of damage control, you couldn't stop yourself from rambling and explaining yourself.

“You're an awesome sorcerer and I can't even imagine what you're capable of doing with those... those daggers, but... how much do you actually know about hand to hand combat?”

Now, he stopped being disappointed, if he ever was. He chuckled and started acting offended:

“I know my magic abilities are... out of this world, but I can assure you I have earned my fair share of experience in hand to hand combat.”

“But having experience doesn't mean you're good”, you intervened his arrogant praise with a sly smirk. Having seen a glimpse of emotional vulnerability in his eyes, you felt oddly calm around him. Your newly found confidence manifested itself in one sassy comment after another. “If I recall correctly, Valkyrie easily bested you.”

“Why don't you go ask Valkyrie for help then?” Loki asked boldly.

“Touché.”

Just like that, you both stepped into the boxing ring.

“I would assume I'd have to explain the basics to you first, now.”, Loki exclaimed whilst spreading his arms. “Everyone has their very own distinct style. Whereas Valkyrie” - he made sure to stress that name derogatorily - “likes to show off and tends to pride herself with... well, everything she possibly can, whereas I personally-”

“You prefer debating, silver-tongue. I get it.” you taunt him with a smirk. He didn't seem touched by your commentary. While you rolled your eyes, the god of mischief continued his speech.

“It's usually easier to complete the missions stealthily or to talk yourself up the ranks. Infiltrating the enemy, that's my speciality. You shouldn't underestimate the power of subtlety.”

You knew he was good, but you couldn't help yourself but to keep teasing him. To see him mildly annoyed filled you with joy, letting him taste his own medicine, although you felt as if you started to understand, why he made the comments he made.

“Is that because you can't-”

Loki requited your comment so quick, you hadn't the opportunity to finish it. The next thing you knew was how your back hit the floor and you saw Loki towering over you.

“First lesson: You shouldn't aggravate your opponent unnecessarily, you might end up with a... disadvantage.” He emphasized the last word with his raspy voice, not imaginable what he was alluding to.

With a slightly hurt pride you stood up again. “You're quick.” you stated the obvious. Acting like you would know more than you did, you put your fists up and in front of your face the way you saw it in movies often. The adrenaline rushed through your veins, you could feel it, and you glared at the god in front of you.

With a quick jab, you aimed for his stomach and were sure to hit, but with a swift step he avoided your punch altogether. Astounded by his quick movement, you weren't able to retrieve your arm quick enough to protect yourself from his counter.

He grabbed your arm and stepped a foot behind your leg. In one fluid motion your legs were kicked up and you were sent flying with an involuntarily backflip. Lucky for you, your forearms were at least quick enough to protect your face.

“Oh dear, you really don't know anything about fighting, do you?”

With an exasperated groan you pushed yourself up, back on your feet. This was way more exhausting than you thought it'd be. With heavy breaths you assessed the situation for the first time.

Loki was way quicker than you, a surprise attack wouldn't work. A feint attack? He'd probably still be quick enough to evade, if not counter. But what if...

“Al...right” you panted demotivated. “I...” and you fell forward and followed through with your plan.

Loki's reflexes forced him to catch you. Predictable. You slithered your arms around his neck, adjusted your position and swung your legs around his waist. Due to the momentum of your legs you were able to make the god stumble, but it wasn't enough to make him fall yet.

In your books, that was a win. Not only have you been able to make contact at will, you have successfully tricked the god of trickery.

Who would've imagined that thinking before doing something would ever turn out to be so efficient?

Of course he was quick to push you off and have you land on the floor again, but that wasn't enough to negate the sense of achievement that was flooding your mind.

You didn't even try to hide the grin.

“I have tricked you” you joyfully retold the event, small giggles escaping your lips.

“I'm still standing” he nonchalantly stated. While he wasn't wrong, you felt like you made progress.

“But I made you stumble.”

After a few more rounds of your attacks and some sparse tries to defend yourself, you didn't have any more energy to focus on fight training. It must have been midnight already, two hours filled with training have passed. Your zip-up hoodie was thrown in a corner, discarded a while ago as you felt like you were sweating too much, and you had revealed the plain t-shirt you wore underneath.

“Alright, my dear, I think this is the time to finalize the conditions of our little deal.” Loki tried to conceal his heavy breathing and knelt down next to you, not bothering helping you up. Reluctantly you sat up and told him to go on.

“Since you want to learn how to fight properly, we'll have to train more often, however I am not going to do so without... compensation.”

This simple sentence rang alarm bells in your head, especially since you are already planning on baking a cake which you intended to be enough. There was no way he had forgotten it already.

“You can't have forgotten it already.” You shot him a quick glance as he followed up with something that lead you to believe he was planning something.

“Lemon cake, I didn't forget, but I'm afraid that won't be enough for all lessons, darling. Let's just say... you owe me. Plus, today I was just assessing your skills. I have yet to show you a few exercises to train for yourself.”

Scrunching your nose at his not very concise proposal, you decided to bluff an told him you were just going to ask someone else to teach you, if he was being serious, but to no avail Loki saw right through it. He proclaimed “If I were you, I wouldn't do that. I figured you would prefer me to keep these interactions a secret, wouldn't you?”

The god of mischief clearly had the upper hand in this negotiations.

Albeit you were visibly displeased by his threat to tell everyone you couldn't fight, you gave him your final reply with a scoff.

“Well, I don't really have much of a choice now, do I?”

There it was. That mischievous twinkle you saw in his eyes earlier, paired with a smirk. You don't know how, but you couldn't stay mad at him. You just couldn't.

You shook your head and smirked again. “It almost feels like I just sold my soul.”

Surprising to you, Loki tried to calm you down. Did he think you were actually afraid of losing your soul to him?

“Don't worry, my dear, even if it would be possible to separate one's body from one's soul, I would never intend to steal yours. Quite frankly, I wouldn't even know, what to do with it!”

He even put his hands up in front of him to show you, he wasn't trying to 'grab your soul' or something. It looked rather adorable and made you laugh, which left Loki staring at you confused.

You were contemplating whether you should explain it to him in full, but ultimately decided against it, it would take too long. Instead, you said the next best thing. “I was kidding, Loki!”

After some more laughing you asked him what has been on your mind since you sealed the deal.

“So, when will we meet again?”

The raven haired god turned to you and thought about it for a second while looking at you. You looked in his eyes for longer than you should have, but the answer he gave you with a smirk was quick to grab your attention.

“Tomorrow, same time. If you want to see me only at the gym, that is.”

You copied his smirk with a quick glance at lips.

“You'll see.”

[notchesandbullets]

Saving Her (Ojiro Mashirao x Wolf!Reader)

Part 2 : Aizawa’s reluctant dad side kicks in when he sees you’re clearly distressed, fast friends with Midoriya, fluff with the girls of 1-A, Todoroki and Sato.

Word Count: 5.7k 

Bowing your head in defeat thinking that there was nothing you could do to possibly change his mind, you started to shuffle towards him when you were stopped.

"Ojiro-san..." You whispered.

He refused to move his tail. He refused to let you go.

"Aizawa-sensei, please," He was desperate, worried out of his mind at what would happen if you were left alone.

If he wasn't there to protect you.

He gritted his teeth, holding back as best as he could. "Don't do this."

"Do you want her to be safe or do you want her to be with you?" Aizawa's eyes were serious. "Because those are two different things."

The boy fell silent beside you.

"Here, she's exposed. Her whereabouts have been leaked to your classmates and while I don't blame you for the incident that occurred, you have taken responsibility for her." The older man continued despite your head ducking down in shame. "This is what's best, not only for her, but for the rest of you."

He directed that last part over your shoulder and you glanced over to see all the boys from earlier as well as a couple more unfamiliar faces that obviously had been roused from their sleep due to all the noise.

Aizawa sighed, really not wanting to argue or go up against one of his most dedicated students this late at night. "You have to remember this dormitory was built to ease your parents' worries. They entrusted your safety to us and we are responsible for you."

The air suddenly got a lot more difficult to breath.

"I told you that you would have to earn my trust back." He said, rough but even voice cutting through the silence like a knife, alluding at something you didn't understand.

You didn't want this. You didn't want to make things hard on everyone or cause a fuss.

"I'll go."

Ojiro's expression of surprise gave way to pain. "Y/N..."

"They'll be safer if I leave, right?" You met Aizawa's blank stare bravely despite your knees knocking together. "I want to protect them, too."

Protests rose from the other students at your determination, the majority of them pleading for you to stay, much to your surprise. But their teacher wouldn't budge and slowly, they had no choice but to give up. As much as they wanted to get to know you better, it seemed like that would have to wait.

You looked up at Ojiro, sad to have to leave but knew it was the best thing to do for now. As you moved to take off and return his hoodie to him, he halted your movements.

"Keep it." He urged, a slight blush present on his cheeks. "I don't want you to get sick."

With a small smile, you thanked him quietly, promising to give it back when you were able to see him next. He returned your smile at the prospect of there being a next time before unwinding his tail from around you.

You followed Aizawa to where he was staying so that he could make a phone call from his office. You took a second to peer around the cluttered room curiously but dared not explore. Unlike Ojiro, he didn't seem like he would take kindly to you poking around his things.

Suppressing your instinctive curiosity, you gulped when he hung up the phone, approaching you with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"For now, you can't stay on the school grounds until we figure out some kind of legal guardianship." He relayed, being rather straightforward and clear cut with you. "I'll walk you to an inn for tonight."

"Ah..." You trailed off as he fixed his gaze on you, shuffling your feet awkwardly. "T-Thank you Aizawa-shi, but I-I can... take care of myself. I don't want anyone to get in any trouble and I know it will reflect badly on UA if you are caught harboring me, so..."

Letting out a heavy sigh, he walked past you as you rambled, opening the door. "Just hurry up."

You walked quickly, not wanting to fall behind as he strode on ahead of you, paying your entire speech no mind. You didn't know whether or not to be thankful or offended but greatly leaned towards the former. It was true that you had enough survival skills to look after yourself but life was much harder when there wasn't anyone in it.

It took about an half an hour by taxi but the night was nice and Aizawa instructed you to hide your ears and tail as well as not talk to anyone else.

You followed him to a quaint inn at the outskirts of UA's property, checking in at the deserted lobby, Aizawa paying for your room for the night. Unable to help it, you started to wander, curiosity taking over.

The walls were decorated with vintage wallpaper, curling slightly at the edges when one panel would fade into another. But while the air inside felt musty and the carpet was stained with faint shades of tea and coffee, the fresh flowers at the center of the lobby brought a smile to your face.

Once you were out of earshot but still within his field of vision, Aizawa turned to the owner.

"Make sure she gets whatever she asks for." He told him gruffly, handing him a bunch of yen to compensate for the trouble. "Food, blankets, whatever she needs."

"Y-Yes, of course, sir." The owner babbled, stunned by the sheer amount of money he had just handed to him.

You spun around, yelping frightfully when you face-planted into Aizawa's chest. He steadied you, sending you a glare that one could only decipher as a warning. Backing away quickly, you apologized profusely until he cut you off, telling you not to make so much noise.

It was late and he had a headache.

Chastised, you followed him up the creaky stairs, coming to a door with green paint peeling off of it.

Aizawa arched an eyebrow, then internally shrugged, using the key to open it. Inside, there wasn't much. A twin sized bed was crammed next to a lumpy couch he was assuming had a pull out cot, a table and a single chair in the corner along with a small bathroom.

He sighed again, wishing that he brought his sleeping bag. That would've been more comfortable than this.

Flicking on the light, he drew the curtains closed. Sparing a glance over his shoulder to make sure you were still alive since you hadn't talked since he entered, his eyes narrowed when he found you with your back pressed against the door, eyes widened in alarm.

Your knuckles were white from where you were clutching the doorknob, nearly breaking it in the process and the sound of it rattling is what drove him to finally break the silence.

Recognizing the patterns of your behavior, he turned around to face you, keeping his shoulders relaxed and maintaining eye contact with you. Trying to appear as non-threatening as he could possibly get, he forced his jaw to unclench.

You let out a shaky breath you didn't know you had been holding in when his expression softened. If you didn't know any better, it almost seemed like he was being kind.

"I don't know what you've been through but I'm not going to do anything to you, kid." Aizawa murmured and you were taken aback by how the edge to his voice disappeared when he was talking with you. "I also know that might be hard to believe coming from a stranger, but it's late and you need to sleep."

He had a feeling you would react like this and while initially he had planned on leaving and going back to the dormitory to get some shut eye before the sun came up, something compelled him to stay.

He wasn't sure it was because of your reaction but regardless, he wasn't leaving now.

This area wasn't well protected and if anyone saw you coming in and him leaving, they wouldn't hesitate to take you. He didn't know how well informed the Quirk Traffickers were but he wasn't going to take any chances.

Waving his hand towards the bed lined with fluffy pillows, you hesitated before timidly laying down as he suggested. Now, you realized what he was doing. With you here and him there, he had maximized the space between the two of you and didn't block your access to the door in case you needed to flee.

Your ears flicked nervously as you got under the covers, trusting him a little bit more. "What about you?"

He exhaled, eyes closing, swollen bags already present under them. "I won't move from here. I'd leave you alone, kid, but I'm not sure that's a good idea since those guys that are after you are pretty persistent."

Your eyebrows knitted together, contemplating if it was a good idea to ask him.

He had just started dozing off when your shy voice asked, "You're a hero, right?"

Humming nonchalantly, he hoped you would drop it there but you didn't.

"Is..." You played with your fingers, tail flicking back and forth. "Is there any way I can become one?"

That piqued his curiosity.

You stiffened when he cracked an eye open, piercing your soul.

"Why don't we talk about it more in the morning, kid?" He finally said.

Unable to conceal your eagerness, you beamed at him and he crossed his arms over his chest, which was rumbling with laughter. You shifted, getting comfortable and promptly fell asleep. For the first time in a while, you didn't stir once during the night.

He stared at you for a little while longer, gaze growing fond. For a kid to have gone through as much as you have, you sure appeared pure and untainted. Your energy was infectious.

A nightmare for the constantly exhausted underground hero.

Hmm... maybe this kid won't be so bad after all.

The next morning, you were awoken by the light of the sun for the first time in years only to be shocked when a steaming hot plate of sausages and fried rice with eggs were placed by your bedside.

"Aizawa-shi?" You yawned, rubbing your eyes sleepily.

"You don't have to be so formal, kid." He told you. "Aizawa-sensei is fine."

During the night, he had moved from the corner to keep an eye on the door. Sometime around 3 am, he had finally fallen asleep and when he woke up, there was an annoying crick in his neck.

Your nose scrunched up as you sat up, accepting the plate of food he offered you. "But you're not my sensei."

He shot you a look at your cheeky reply and instantly, you shut your mouth, stuffing your mouth only to cry out when you burned your tongue. He scolded you immediately and rushed to get you a glass of cold water.

You smiled sheepishly as he made you drink some before instructing you to blow on your hot food before shoveling it in your mouth like that. This time when you resumed your breakfast, the silence wasn't harsh or stifling like last night. It was lighter.

"I would be if you attended UA."

You dropped your chopsticks. "Huh?"

After more thought and a lot more details from him, you learned that when he had contacted Principal Nezu late last night for the third time. He had asked if it would be possible to enroll you in the general studies course until they could figure out a safe place for you.

Going to school would put you on a lot of lists due to the information the school had to provide for the government and it wasn't his initial plan since you wouldn't be able to hide in the blink of an eye with no paper trail, but he couldn't think of anything else after that fiasco that Ojiro had informed him of last night.

Plus, with you enrolled in their school with literally pro-heroes everywhere, you would be well protected simply within UA's walls. And if you ever went missing, he could already think of twenty students who would come to your aid.

You were silent at first, mulling it over. Your fluffy ears twitched every so often as you ruled out other possibilities until a wide smile spread from ear to ear.

You bowed at him, popping back up with your eyes shining, heart touched that these people you barely knew were going so far for someone like you.

"I would be honored, Aizawa-sensei."

You spent most of the weekend alone since he had other responsibilities that required his attention but he always came by at lunch to check on you and then again at night to keep watch while you slept. You argued that he didn't need to do all of that but strangely enough, he insisted and you conceded, unsure of how much you could push the issue since he was your senior.

Before you knew it, the weekend and Class 1-A's break was over. It had been four days since you ran into Ojiro and you couldn't lie. You missed him.

Badly.

Aiawa had classes to teach and you were looking forward to seeing Ojiro and Yaoyorozu and the other girls again.

For the past few days, he hadn't let you leave the motel room.

The innkeeper, who you learned his name was Jin, often came to keep you company when you requested some food. You felt bad for making him do so much work but he never seemed to mind it. In fact, he rather seemed happy to have someone to talk to.

You were supposed to leave at the same time as Aizawa the day classes resumed but were so taken with the invention of the bathtub on the way out that he had to leave before you. Heaven forbid he got fired because he was late in helping you figure out how a shower worked.

Which is why you were confused when he kept finding excuses to stay longer until he admitted to being uneasy leaving you to walk to UA alone. You teased him and he rolled his eyes. But in all seriousness, who was going to try their luck in broad daylight?

No one was going to snatch you in front of a bunch of people.

He had nothing to worry about.

After a very long and thorough lecture of safety he hammered into your head to keep the door locked at all times and to stay away from the windows, only to follow it up with all the emergency protocols you were to follow if you were being followed or attacked.

To be honest, you nodded your head through it to show that you were listening just to appease him.

He finally left an hour later and you were free to do what you wished without him quietly worrying away in the corner that you were going to hurt yourself.

It was becoming a known thing that despite your keen wolf senses, you were very clumsy.

Aizawa found it oddly amusing and horrifying at the same time.

Deciding a bath was in order, you filled up the tub with warm water, washing away all the grime and blood that had accumulated over time with a soft hum of contentment.

Once that was done, you got dressed and finally left, bidding the Jin, who was at the counter a warm farewell and thanking him for the many meals.

He waved goodbye to you, telling you he hoped you would come back and visit soon even if it wasn't to stay at the inn and you nodded eagerly, promising to visit him in the future.

You skipped down the pavement, making sure your ears were sufficiently hidden under the hood and tail tucked away thanks to the excessive length of the huge sweatshirt. You thanked the heavens above that you had been born with normal eyes.

The last thing you wanted was to have to wear sunglasses all the time.

Three hours later, you were standing out the gates of the school, completely smushed against the security gate and getting trampled on by the press in their chaos to try and find a way to break in.

Geez, their persistence was annoying.

You would've gone another way if you knew one. This was the only route in and out of the school as far as you were aware.

Squealing when you took a tumble as someone shoved you a little too hard, you winced as you tried to catch yourself from falling, only to scrape your knees when you landed on the rough cement.

Ouch... You grimaced, pulling down on your hood to ensure that it wouldn't slip off and expose your ears. That one hurt.

Puffing out your cheeks, you concluded you weren't going to get anywhere so long as they were here. You took your chances, taking off for Heights Alliance.

Just as you thought, the building was locked but you sniffed the air, eyes lighting up as you spotted the same boy from last week. You had caught him talking to Ojiro before and he had taken the liberty of introducing the two of you. He was sitting on the front steps with a somewhat distant look in his eyes and a small notebook in his hands.

"Midoriya-san!!"

He turned at the sound of your voice, visibly lighting up when he saw you.

"Y/N-chan!!" He greeted enthusiastically, then dropped his hand in concern at your disheveled appearance and bloodied knees, running out to meet you. "What happened?!"

"Ah," You winced, flashing him a canine smile full of guilt as if it was your fault you got hurt. "I got pushed around by those people crowding the front."

Pulling a key from his pocket, the boy laughed along with you before unlocking the front door. "Aizawa-sensei tells us not to talk to them, but I'm pretty sure Kacchan has threatened them before."

You tilted your head, puzzled. "Kacchan?"

That name didn't ring a bell.

He enthusiastically explained the rivalry of his childhood friend as he navigated you through the common area. You sympathized with his story, listening attentively when he mentioned how desperately he wanted to be friends with him and admired him.

Ah, so Kacchan was the explosive pomeranian.

You smiled when he told you that recently things were starting to change between them and hugged him happily when he mentioned that maybe they would finally get to be friends one day.

"How are you so nice to him after he tormented you like that?" You asked, genuinely curious and in awe at how his bullying didn't harden his heart.

Midoriya shuffled towards the kitchen. "Kacchan acts mean but he really isn't. He's really strong so I think he just doesn't want to look weak."

His thoughts rang through your head and you fell silent when he didn't elaborate.

Actions speak louder than words, huh?

Sitting down on one of the couches, you followed him with your eyes as he rummaged through something under the sink. "What are you doing? And aren't you supposed to be in class?"

He straightened up with a small huff, cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "Ah, well, they're training today and Aizawa-sensei says I'm not allowed to participate until I learn how to fight without injuring myself."

You tapped a finger to your chin as he came over with a duffle bag in his hand, sitting a respectable distance away from you. "But if you don't train, then how will you get there?"

Midoriya just smiled easily, eyes turning into crescents. "He doesn't really mean that but today he actually wanted me to make sure you got here okay."

You jolted at that.

"He what?!"

"Yeah," His brow furrowed but then smoothed over once he found what he was looking for. "I know it probably seems like Aizawa-sensei doesn't care that much but he actually does, and a lot, for us."

He told you about the USJ incident and the lengths he had gone to protect them when the League attacked.

You were speechless. Sure, this was not that new to you since you had experienced his rugged, begrudging version of kindness over the past couple of days but to have someone go out of their way to make sure you were safe and for them to actually agree to it was a whole other thing.

To hear that you weren't the only one who experienced that side of him made your heart feel warm.

Aww... he's such a softie.

"Ojiro-kun wanted to do it but Sensei said he needed to work with Ectoplasm on his tail movements." Midoriya explained, not noticing the pink that dusted your cheeks as he mentioned his name. "Here."

Blinking, you stared at him for a beat before you realized he was holding something out to you. "Oh!!"

You took the pair of athletic sweatpants with a questioning glance. "What are these for?"

He blushed, stammering. He didn't think he would have to explain it. "W-Well, y-you know, Yaoyorozu-san always k-keeps an emergency bag for these kinds of things and I-I don't think she would mind."

You giggled and his nerves faded a little in wake of your bright laughter. He gave you some band-aids and ointment to apply on your scrapes after you cleaned it.

"That's really thoughtful, thank you." You said.

He scratched the back of his neck shyly, matching your smile before packing away the rest of the things while you went to go change.

Fortunately for you, the slight injury wasn't severe. There was only a slight discoloration from where you had impacted the pavement surrounding the patches where a couple layers of skin had come off.

As soon as you finished taking care of it and put on the pants he had given you over your usual shorts, you exited the bathroom only to find Midoriya in the same place you had left him.

"So, class?" You asked, now that he had fulfilled his mission from Aizawa.

He smiled sheepishly, holding up his phone. "Ah, about that..."

Apparently, the police were held up by traffic at the moment and couldn't deal with the press that were still disrupting the students and staff. One had been foolish enough to try and cross the sensor without a pass, causing the UA barrier to activate. No one could get in or out for the time being.

Since they just built the dorms recently, the teachers were working to extend the barrier around the new buildings but it hasn't been finished yet. Instead, Cementoss created a high wall to keep outsiders out while the finishing touches would be put in place.

So while you couldn't go to school, you also couldn't go anywhere else.

Midoriya sighed, looking awfully forlorn. "I'm sorry, Y/N-san. It looks like we'll be here for a while."

"That's okay!!" You cheered, plopping down next to him, not wanting to see him so sad. "This will give us some time to talk, right? What's your story?"

He was surprised you were able to let go of it so quickly since you seemed so eager to see his classmates, then shook his head as confusion hit him like a truck. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what made you want to go here?" You asked, tucking up your knees and resting your chin on top of your knees. "Why do you want to be a hero?"

The look that crossed his face was one of unbridled joy and determination as he launched into his story after hearing that you wanted to know about him. That look in his eyes only grew brighter the more excited he got and his energy was contagious.

You couldn't help but cheer along at his moments of triumph as he relived the memories.

It connected into him showing you his notebook where he wrote down everything about all sorts of heroes once you asked him how he managed to keep track of everything he had told you in his brain.

The two of you were so engaged with your conversation, hunched over the coffee table as he tore through his notes that neither one of you heard the front door open.

But the loud chatter that flooded the common floor had you both springing to your feet in an instant.

"Welcome back, everyone!!" Midoriya greeted enthusiastically as his peers crashed the party. "Y/N-chan is here!!"

You smiled happily as Ashido launched herself at you, smothering you in a hug.

"Y/N-chan, you're back!!" She shouted excitedly. "Yayy!!!"

"I hope it's alright that I'm borrowing these." You tugged on one of your ears self-consciously as Yaoyorozu greeted you just as warmly. "There was a minor incident earlier."

The raven-haired girl waved you off automatically. "Of course it is!! That's what it's there for after all. You can keep those, I'll replace them later."

Jaw dropping open in surprise at how cool she was, you just managed to catch Uraraka as she flew at you at breaknecking speed. You returned her hug, smiling and bobbing your head along with her as she caught you up on all the latest things that had happened since you were gone after making sure you were okay.

It was almost weird. Almost like you fit right in.

You had only met them once last week and yet they were all so eager to befriend you. You thought you should've been more wary of them but they didn't seem to mean you any harm. Your gaze eagerly scanned for Ojiro, only for your tail to droop slightly when you didn't see him.

Hagakure giggled, picking up on your disappointment. "Aizawa-sensei asked him to stay behind for extra lessons today, but he'll be back later~"

If the invisible girl was visible, you were almost sure you would've seen her wink.

After that energetic yet warm welcome, you were ushered further inside as the boys took over the common space to hash out some friendly competition through a game of Smash.

Bakugou was banned, he broke one too many controllers in his fit of rage last time.

You stumbled through the hallways and jittered nervously as you and the girls took the elevator up to Yaoyorozu's room.

It was rather cramped, given that all her furniture was a lot bigger than her bedroom could handle but that just meant you all could sit in a circle on her enormous bed.

Hagakure eagerly asked if she could paint your nails to which you stammered out you weren't exactly sure what that meant.

An array of shocked gasps had the girls scrambling in a flurry to grab anything and everything needed for an evening of relaxation. Jirou even grabbed her guitar while Yaoyorozu left to go make some tea. Uraraka got to work on detangling your hair, in awe of your fluffy ears. The two of you were caught giggling hysterically as Asui came through the door with the elder girl balancing a tea tray in tow.

The next couple hours consisted of you getting to know Asui better, the frog girl preferring you call her by her first name, Tsuyu, and the girls spoiling you rotten, completely ignoring the fact that they had homework due tomorrow.

You were floored.

Your stomach started to growl and your cheeks pinked when Ashido shrieked at how adorable you were.

Jirou just barely stopped herself from smacking her friend, you were clearly hungry.

Yaoyorozu asked if you would like something to eat and you bowed your head, folding your hands in your lap.

"... If... If it's not too much to ask for." You said quietly.

Yaoyorozu cooed and Hagakure squealed, practically dragging you out of the room and back downstairs. Uraraka and Jirou stayed behind, needing to get to work on a project that wasn't due until the end of the year, but wanting to get started on it now so that they didn't have to do it later.

Midoriya was nowhere to be seen once you got downstairs, but the other boys hadn't moved since you had last seen them with a few exceptions.

Kirishima and Kaminari were still lounging in the same spot but had turned the TV off and had textbooks spread out before them.

Shoji, Aoyama and Iida were in the adjacent corner, all three of them looking up when Ashido bounded over to them.

Asui went over to where Tokoyami was studying, and the two of them started studying for Midnight's upcoming exam.

Sato was in the kitchen when Yaoyorozu came in, greeting her politely when she asked if he could help her make something for you to eat. He blushed a bit, saying how he didn't have much experience cooking since he was more proficient in sweets but that he could try.

"What's going on?"

You turned around at the unfamiliar voice as Yaoyorozu greeted him, with a slight twinge of relief in her tone.

"Todoroki-san!!" Yaoyorozu smiled. "Do you know how to make any meals? Y/N-chan is hungry."

The boy with two-toned hair debated the situation, brow knitting in concentration.

"I'm not sure." He said slowly.

He wasn't sure he'd be able to make you something satisfactory. He really only liked to eat one thing and therefore only knew how to make that well.

"Do you like soba?" He asked you.

You tilted your head, the word not ringing any bells. "What's that?"

Todoroki cracked a small smile at your curiosity, then pushed up his sleeves and immediately got to work alongside Sato while Yaoyorozu fetched what he needed.

You wanted to help them but seeing as how you had no idea what it was or what they were doing, you decided to leave them to it. Sitting on the same stool at the kitchen island as the first night when you came here, you interjected occasionally to grab something they seemed to be looking for in an attempt to not be entirely useless.

Sato was the one to reassure you that there wasn't much to do in preparing it and that your food would be done soon.

Five minutes later, Todoroki was pushing a bowl of hot soba towards you. Sesame and ginger wafted through the air from the broth and your nose scrunched up cutely, bright eyes going wide as you salivated.

"It smells really good!!" You cheered.

A subtle but relieved smile made its way onto his face at the compliment and he handed you a pair of chopsticks. You had been fed hot food so rarely you weren't used to cooling it down before you ate it. You dived in, recalling Aizawa's instructions from before and blowing on it first before tentatively taking a bite.

They were really tasty for something that looked so simple.

You beamed, soup dribbling down the side of your chin once you tasted it. "Thank you, Todoroki-san, Sato-san, Yaoyorozu-chan!!"

The boys bowed while the girl diligently wiped your chin with a napkin and patted your head, happy you liked it.

Content that your needs had been satisfied, Yaoyorozu asked if you wanted anything else before she got started on her homework for the night. You shook your head, thanking her once more before she left, Todoroki following not long after.

Finishing your soba, you watched curiously as Sato whisked something together in a large bowl, checking on the paper on the counter before pressing a couple of buttons on the oven.

"Whatcha doing?" You asked, nose twitching,

His gaze flickered up to yours and he smiled. "I'm making a chiffon cake. Would you like to try it once it's done?"

You beamed, practically drooling at the thought of it already. "Yes, please!!"

The aromatic scent of chocolate hazelnut made your mouth water as he pulled it out of the oven.

He made casual conversation with you as you stared longingly at the cake that had to set first before he cut it. You were surprised to find out that he liked baking more than cooking but nodded your head understandingly when he explained his quirk to you.

"That's so cool!!" You exclaimed, flapping your hands excitedly. "You convert all of that into power and it makes you stronger?!"

"Yes, but it doesn't last very long." Sato told you as he sliced the confection carefully. "And my brain doesn't work as well but it is quite handy to have in a difficult situation if I have some snacks on hand."

Your eyes lit up when he handed a generous slice to you on a plate rimmed with cherry blossoms. It almost looked too good to eat.

Almost.

You waited until he got back from distributing it to his peers who were still in various spots on the common floor before sharing it with him so you could eat it together. Of course he didn't remember to save any for him.

"Isn't this a lot of work?" You mumbled around a mouthful of cake as he explained how he'd been trying all sorts of new recipes. "Doesn't it get tiring?"

Sato nodded, cleaning up his work space and grabbing new bowls from the cabinets. "Yeah but it's worth it since it helps me with my quirk. Besides, I get to share it with everyone when they're done."

You giggled, pointing at him with your fork. "Yes, that's definitely a plus."

A hearty guffaw erupted from his lungs, causing several others to look over in your direction but your smile only grew wider.

You made someone laugh. Really laugh. It made warmth bloom in your chest and you kicked your feet happily, chomping on the last bit of cake with a blissed out look on your face that was equal parts from the confection and your new friend.

He might've looked intimidating but he was nothing but kind.

The front door cracked open and your head turned at the various greetings that came from around the shared space had your eyes widening.

You dropped your fork and it clattered on the countertop of the kitchen island.

"Ojiro-san!!"

Taglist: @katsukis-sad-angel​

[deborahdeshoftim5779]

Merlin & Arthur’s friendship: clichés versus reality (Part III)

Following on from Merlin & Arthur’s friendship: clichés versus reality Part I and Part II, here’s Part III.

CLAIM 5 #: Merlin thinks fighting is meaningless violence

Merlin certainly claimed it-- but his actions told a different story. 

It took me a long time to understand that Merlin was in fact very similar to Arthur. This realisation came while rewatching episodes 5x03 and 5x04 in particular; in the latter episode, Merlin admitted to Arthur that if someone had murdered his father, he would probably have sought vengeance. Yet we know that Merlin hated vengeance, and that he had physically intervened to stop Arthur from yielding to said vengeance. 

This led me to see how Arthur and Merlin’s friendship became a coping mechanism to deal with the loss of their respective family (literally and figuratively).  

One key way that Merlin is similar to Arthur is that he, too, pretends not to like something in public, while his actions speak differently. 

Hence why Merlin loved claiming that fighting was pointless, that it was just “sweaty men knocking the sense out of each other” (episode 4x09), and appeared not to enjoy training sessions. Episode 1x02 had a hilarious and undoubtedly genuine example of Merlin abhorring the art of war, as he struggled to hold his weaponry, tripped, tumbled, and probably ended up with tinnitus! “D’you you hear clanging?”

I used to think this change occurred much later, but episode 1x02 showed Merlin eagerly watching the tournament just one day after he complained about having to learn more fighting techniques and about being Arthur’s servant. 

Also, after being pilloried for being clumsy with Arthur’s armour, the first thing Merlin did was to seek Gwen’s assistance. Look how proud he was later, when he put everything on correctly. “That was much better,” Arthur said, to which Merlin responded, “I’m a fast learner.” 

This suggests that, being a resourceful person who lands on his feet, Merlin quickly realised that he would have to learn about warfare if he was to make his way in Camelot. 

I already have a lengthy post proving that Merlin had excellent capabilities in battle, and that Arthur had potentially trained him better than his knights. See the link below this post. 

However, the greatest evidence that Merlin respected the art of war was his insistence that Arthur stand up and fight to reclaim Camelot. This occurred chiefly in episode 3x13, when Arthur was discouraged by Morgana’s treachery, and in episode 4x13, when Arthur completely lost hope and abdicated the throne. 

In both episodes, Merlin helped take back Camelot not only using magic, but also with the sword. Notice that in episode 3x13, Sir Lancelot never questioned Merlin’s ability with a sword. Instead, he was impressed by its powers. As far as Lancelot was concerned, Merlin was “the one Arthur should knight. You’re the bravest of us all and he doesn’t even know it.” So Lancelot knew that Merlin was a capable fighter, and would embody the noble warrior so admired in Camelot. 

Ironically, Lancelot did not live to see Merlin dressed as a knight in 4x05 during the mission to trap King Caerleon. 

Of course, we have an example from Merlin’s own mouth: “You’re a great warrior,” he said to Arthur in episode 1x13. In episode 3x01, he was impressed by Arthur fighting blindfolded against two opponents, though he quickly tried pretending that he had “seen better”. In episode 3x04, he laughed at Dagr’s threats against Arthur: “I’d like to see you try!” Then he tried persuading Gwaine to stay in Camelot on the basis that, “You and Arthur: you fought well together.” During that episode, Merlin was impressed by Gwaine’s fighting before and during the mêlée. 

In episode 5x05, he watched Arthur duelling against Mordred unarmed, then stood up to applaud the king. We can safely assume this occurred many times, since Merlin attends all training sessions and is responsible for maintaining all of Arthur’s armour. Many scenes, such as in episodes 4x05, 4x09, and 5x03, show him either polishing or putting on Arthur’s armour. 

So why all of Merlin’s dismissive comments? For one thing, he didn’t like the braggadocio and arrogance of many knights-- or those who would wish to be knights. Hence why he called Valiant a “creep” in episode 1x02, much to Arthur’s amusement. Secondly, he did not see the point of certain tournaments, such as that of episode 3x11. It didn’t help that Arthur said, “The only rule is: there are no rules.” Thirdly, the death toll alarmed him. “Cause last time this tournament was held, three men died... That was just on the first day.” (Also episode 3x11.) 

Another reason that hit me while rereading this: Merlin wasn’t naturally good at fighting. Remember that Arthur said, “I’ve been trained to kill since birth.” (Episode 1x01) This suggests some natural talent on his part, though greatly improved with hard work. Meanwhile, Merlin not only fumbled with weaponry, but faced merciless teasing from Arthur about his lack of skill. To compensate for his feelings of incompetence, Merlin linked Arthur’s fighting prowess to his arrogance: “How long have you been training to be a prat?” (Episode 1x01) 

While he had a good point, it was also a way to dismiss his inexperience with fighting and other facts of life. We have to remember that he came from a tiny, poor village. Camelot could have been another planet. 

Despite all this, when it came to watching Arthur train, watching Arthur train his knights, and, most importantly, fighting to defend Camelot, Merlin had nothing but respect for the art of war. 

CLAIM #6: Arthur (mostly/always) needed Merlin to make big decisions

Untrue, as the following examples will demonstrate.

By the way, Merlin helped fuel this idea that his decisions were necessary for Arthur’s rule. In episode 4x11, he asked Gaius whether he should do anything to cause Arthur and Gwen’s reconciliation. Gaius rightly asked, “You don’t think that’s a little arrogant?” 

In episode 3x07, Arthur decided to rescue Gwen’s brother-- a complete stranger-- from the Castle of Fyrien. Just one episode later, he succeeded at the majority of his quest in the Perilous Lands despite being enchanted to lose his energy. Needless to say, the choice of retrieving the trident of the Fisher King was Arthur’s alone, made after a night of contemplation. 

Another great example comes from episode 4x05, where Arthur repented of his wrongdoing to Caerleon and his kingdom, and refused to make his men risk their lives on his account. He then took matters into his own hands, pleading with Queen Annis to invoke the right of single combat. 

In episode 4x06, Arthur only told a few people that he was riding through the Valley of the Fallen Kings. Merlin wasn’t one of those people, hence why he said, “Arthur. You are not serious...Nothing good ever happens in the Valley of the Fallen Kings. Nobody in their right mind would go in there.” 

How come Merlin didn’t know? Arthur said, “The routes are secret, Merlin: that’s why *we* chose it.” Emphasis my own. Later, we discover that Arthur had discussed this with his council, a select number of knights, and Agravaine. 

My favourite example comes from episode 4x11. Arthur negotiated with a longstanding rival, Nemeth, over the status of the lands of Gedref. We cannot underestimate that achievement. Arthur said that the lands have “long been in dispute”, and when he announced the end of their negotiations, the knights looked extremely nervous. Arthur had to allay their fears by calling it a “fair and honourable agreement”. That may have been a polite way of saying that they had avoided humiliating sacrifices and war. 

On top of that, Arthur sealed the treaty by securing an engagement to the Princess of Nemeth-- exactly the kind of political savvy that his father had encouraged. “Your marriage should have been used to form an alliance with another kingdom…” (Episode 5x03.)

The first thing Merlin said was, “How come I didn’t know any of this? How come you didn’t say anything?” I will not go into why Merlin’s reaction here was presumptuous and arrogant, but we can see that Arthur deliberately kept this information from Merlin to avoid disagreement and argument. 

Of course, the great episodes 5x01 and 5x02 show Arthur risking everything to save his men “or die trying”, because to do otherwise would be to sacrifice his beliefs. In episode 5x04, Arthur decided to rescue King Rodor from King Odin, in spite of the immense danger and the holes in Princess Mithian’s story. In episode 5x05, he decided to beg the Disir for Mordred’s life, because he did not want another innocent man dying on his behalf. 

And so on. 

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART IV

More on Merlin’s fighting skills

[buglife]

Terra Lumina

A hollow knight au guide that I keep writing in. You can read all my writings and art stuff in the #terra-lumina tag. Mostly so I can just point to this post when explaining things awee. :3 Post subject to edits and changes.

Terra Lumina is an au where both Ghost (the little knight) and Quirrel are together and are the new rulers of Hallownest. So it's a royalty au! Pretty much it's slice of life where they do their best to be a better ruler than the Pale King ever was, ruling with kindness and intelligence. Seriously, like, the Pale King could have just talked to the Radiance instead of letting things snowball like they did. They both live in the new palace which is pretty much like the White House in that it's mostly dedicated to government with an apartment for the rulers to live in. It's where the old palace used to be, but now it's much greener and 100% less buzzsaws. It is post embrace the void ending and an everyone lives/nobody dies au where the only characters that are dead are those that were found so at the start of the game. Takes place about 5-7 years after the end of the game.

The two romantic rulers.

Ghost:Now taller than Quirrel and is the Shade Lord, god of void and dreams. Sovereign of Hallownest and rightful ruler due to king's brand. Can use telepathy but only does so with family/friends, as they are nervous about scaring people so uses sign language with them. Is very happy to have family/friends and overall liked by most folks. Is still scary to some and is sad about that. Married Quirrel. Considers Mato their adoptive father and calls them such. Still enjoys fighting (but for fun now). Since dreams are now their aspect, they gather up nightmares to help the population (and gives to their adopted grimmchild, Allegro, and Grimm themselves.)

Quirrel: Now called the Scholar King, rules alongside Ghost. He still has trouble believing that this is his life. Chaotic Good. Mostly deals with the logistics in running the kingdom. Adoptive mother is Monomon who found him when he was teeny tiny. Did not attempt to drown themselves, instead isolated himself when he thought Monomon was dead so Ghost had to find him. Still fights and can practically teleport. Spends free time in the palace library where a copy of all the surviving books were moved to and is free to the public to check out and read.

Family/Friends

Hornet: Still the Princess of Deepnest and was happy to have her mother Herrah rule again. Is officially Deepnest's ambassador and works closely with her sibling to be sure things that need to get done, get done. She won't admit it but she loves spending time with her siblings. Also randomly jumps Ghost to keep them on their toes and make sure they don't lose their skill. This can happen at anytime, anyplace. Is a close ally with the Hive and is helping the new Queen get used to her role. Also demands spars with Quirrel all the time because she does like her brother and law and the fact she doesn't kill him is proof enough in her eyes.

Mato: Dadmaster. Pretty much raised Ghost in between the end of the game to present day (and did a damn good job). Still lives in the Howling Cliffs and teaches students still, especially knight candidates. Is always on hand to cause trouble if needed. Is so proud you guys can't even. Keeps his home open in case Ghost and Quirrel need to hide for a bit. Officiated Ghost and Quirrel's wedding because of course.

Hollow: Part of the new great knights of Hallownest and is known as Hollow the Kind. Still likes to help people, and after having lots of care and therapy, is now more expressive and open. Is pretty much free to do what they please, and they choose to mostly patrol the kingdom and help when needed. Is constantly sneaking frogs into the palace because Hollow loves them. Can only use telepathy with other void beings and uses sign language to communicate otherwise. Is still missing an arm but had a magical prosthetic built. Loves to be in cuddle piles.

Tiso:Big brother figure and part of the new great knights of Hallownest. He is known as Tiso the Daring. Is actually a badass Captain America type fighter, just couldn't dodge a house sized mawlek and nearly died back then. Taught Ghost all the swears and often invokes 'Big Brother Rights'. Is also Captain of the Guard and has matured a lot since the end of the game. In a relationship with Myla and Cloth.

Cloth:Part of the new great knights of Hallownest and is known as Cloth the Strong. Makes sure people behave. Has healed from her near suicidal want to join her late lover, and now has a more positive outlook on life. Tends to organize tournaments that aren't fucked up and fatal like the Coliseum. In a relationship with Tiso and Myla.

Myla:Was saved from the infection, but it left her prone to sickness and a little weaker than most bugs. Compensates for still being cherry and wonderful to be around. Actually wicked smart and has helped Ghost restart the mining industry. Enjoys going to musicals/plays in her free time. Still loves being a geologist and provided most of the geological samples in the Capital's museum. Is in a relationship with Cloth and Tiso.

Ogrim: The only surviving great knight of old Hallownest. Is part of the new knights as Ogrim the Defender. Is the leader of the new knights and is a brilliant tactician. Has moved up from the Waterways to a new home and no longer lives in exile. Likes to plan parties and is generally doing better. He deserves it.

God Tamer: Real name is Xena (I seen it used around and I like it.) Part of the new great knights of Hallownest and is known as Xena the Tamer. Still works alongside her beast, ‘Pickles’. Has an uncanny ability to befriend dangerous beasts and pacifies them. Now has a small zoo’s worth of ‘friends’ that come and go for pats and treats. Dunks on Tiso a lot. Is surprisingly a conservationist. Will beat the shit out of people without hesitation if needed. Often fights new recruits to judge areas needing improvement. Has no tolerance for idiots. Was saved from the infection, but was not infected long enough to cause long term damage.

Allegro: The Grimmchild. Has chosen female pronouns. She is now past the grub stage and has left the kingdom to travel with her father, Grimm, to learn how to take over the Troupe. Still keeps in contact with Ghost through dreams and loves Ghost very much as their ‘Ren’. Was and still is, a little shit. Ghost misses them a lot but is comforted by her visits. Ghost saves nightmares to give to her so she can get big and strong!

Grimm: Considered a friend at this point, and taught Ghost about the dream realm. Visits through dreams. Ghost saves nightmares to give to him. Often has advice when needed.

Sheo/Nailsmith: Uncles. They both run an art school with Sheo teaching fine arts and Nail(Smith) teaching forging. They also run an art gallery. Are up to cause trouble whenever needed.

Oro: Uncle. The real sour one. Teaches new recruits and tends to weed out those that can make it from ones that can’t. Pretty much a drill Sargent. Ghost pays him not only in geo, but candy. Special, custom made candy just for Oro. It’s the only way they could get him to do this job. Oro won’t admit it’s also because he loves his former pupil no sir.

Monomon: Quirrel’s adoptive mother and currently is the royal researcher. Teaches classes as well. Ghost pretty much told her to do whatever as long as it will improve the lives of bugkind and she loves them for it. Is always down to cause trouble. Chaotic Neutral. Has some type of explosive with them at any given time. Tends to ‘vanish’ people who have wrong her or her son. Embodies chaos. Craves gossip. Former Dreamer and woke up when Ghost took the pantheon approach to defeating the Radiance.

Herrah: Queen of Hallownest and considers Ghost one of her children. Is happy to be Queen of her own people and is making up for lost time with her daughter. Likes to meet with the Hallownest rulers for a good shit-talking session. Is made of sass. Former Dreamer and woke up when Ghost took the pantheon approach to defeating the Radiance.

Lurien: Watcher of the Capital. Disaster. Will stay up for days on end working on things to accidentally invent new things in the process in sleep deprived delirium. Often gets drunk or high and contemplates the universe. Has the best edibles around I tell you. Is actually good at his job, which is finding suspicious things and investigating them. Former Dreamer and woke up when Ghost took the pantheon approach to defeating the Radiance.

Lemm: Runs the Hallownest museum and works in the back where he catalogs and studies findings and doesn’t have to talk to anyone and is the happiest he could ever be.

Seer: Holy shit she is old. Still lives in the resting grounds. Ghost visits often and brings tea and snacks. Grandma energy. Is currently working with Quirrel to recount as much as she can about moth legends and society so it can be preserved forever. It’s slow going because she is old, but it’s going.

The siblings: Are now at rest.

Everything else

White Lady: Is still alive and has left the gardens. She resides in a little hidden cottage outside the palace where she grows flowers. Is often called in to overlook agriculture efforts. Has long since revoked her crown and is content with a quiet life. Is not considered a mother by Ghost, and Ghost will not forgive her for her role in things. She is okay with this and hopes to atone someday for what she did.

The Pale King: Still fucking dead. Rest in Pieces you shit.

Eternal Emilitia: Is a member of the new noble class and takes her job seriously. She mostly keeps the other nobles in line when she can and helps delegate orders to places where they need to go. It’s like herding cats but she’s getting better with it the longer she’s around. Is respected by Ghost since she knows what it’s like to hit rock bottom and is quite sensitive to the needs to the people.

Radiance: Dead. Was going mad and in pain by the time Ghost got to her. Is now at rest.

Greenpath/Queen’s Gardens:Given back to the moss-kin and Unn. Unn has started to awaken more now that the infection is over and her children are freed from it’s influence. Is considered it’s own ‘kingdom’. Is in good relations with Hallownest.

Fungal Wastes: Still thriving. A hivemind made up of everything from microscopic spores to the entire fungal waste itself. The mushroom tribe trades with Hallownest and is in good relations with them. Still considered weird to most but they are good and peaceful people.

Mantis Tribe: Is in a good relationship with Ghost, Hornet and Quirrel, and not much else. Has complete independence but was asked nicely if they could help train the most dedicated of new guards/knights. Did not pass up the opportunity to be allowed to beat the shit out of willing Hallownest citizens who wanted to train.

Deepnest: Ruled by Queen Herrah and Princess Hornet. Good relationship with Hallownest and enjoys full independence. The beasts that reside are no longer hassled by Hallownest encroachment and thus does not push back into it. Exports silk products and is now a very prosperous nation.

Dirtmouth/Crystal Peaks: Still the same, but with now more people. All our favorite Dirtmouth folks are doing well. Elderbug is delighted to have a full town to be a mayor over.

City of Tears: Now called the 'Capital'. Plants are now on the ceiling to redirect water and stop the constant rain. It's much more pleasant now.

Colosseum of Fools: Left alone mostly. Ghost cannot stop people for wanting to go there if they are of sound mind to make the decision.

The Hive: Is now ruled by the new Queen Apis. Is fully independent and enjoys a cushy trade agreement with Hallownest and the rest of the various nations. She wonders if she will ever live up to her mother, Queen Vespa, but has many friends to help her grow into the role. Hive Knight is her loyal friend.

[zackcollins]

watching airplanes || nolan patrick

masterlist

Author's Note: I really should be writing that Pierre-Luc Dubois thing. I just don’t have any idea what I want to do with chapter 5 at the moment, so... have this instead. I wanted to write something so I went looking for writing prompts on here. I found this idea and kinda rolled with it. This is my first time writing for Patty, so please be gentle. Sorry for being so slow with the Pierre-Luc Dubois thing. I’m doing my best but inspiration for the fic has kinda hit a wall right now. I’ll try to find inspiration again soon. Promise!! GIF credit to fly-guys!!

Warnings: There’s a few mentions of anxiety, so I’ll include that here. I don’t think anything is too graphic, but I just want to be safe rather than sorry. If you see anything else, feel free to tell me and I’ll include it for you.

Word Count: 2k+

Title: Watching Airplanes by Gary Allan

Additional: The reader is gender-neutral! I’m kinda on a gender-neutral reader kick right now. If you guys would like a gender specific reader, feel free to request one. I’m more than happy to oblige. Also. This is my longest one-shot fic in a long time. I hope I did a good job with it. Let me know if there’s any mistakes or anything that needs fixing. I’ll do my best to fix it!

Additional 2: The locations I used, save for maybe the skate park, are actual locations in Winnipeg. I was so invested in this that I Googled places in Winnipeg that the reader could visit. I also used the petname “small fry” for the reader because I set their hometown as Charlottetown, PEI and PEI is known for potato farming. Hope all of that makes sense! Hope you enjoy this as well!

Looking out the window of the plane, you saw the skyline of Winnipeg coming into view. You grinned because you knew what that meant. It meant that you were close to pulling off the surprise meeting you had planned with your boyfriend, Nolan.

As the plane flew closer and closer to Winnipeg, you felt anxiety well deep in your gut. To compensate for it, you started bouncing your legs in what little room you had in between your seat and the one in front of you. You ran your hands across your things a couple of times to try to quell some of the nervous energy but all that succeeded in doing was creasing some of the wrinkles in your shorts. The person in the seat in front of you glared at you as he took out one of his earbuds.

“Do you mind not jostling the back of the seat,” he asked, pointing to your legs. “I have a bad back and sitting in these seats is bad enough already.”

You held you hands up in surrender as you quickly stopped moving your legs. “Yeah, sorry.”

The man smiled faintly as he stuck his earbud back in and turned his attention forward.

You sighed and ran your hands across your thighs in an attempt to keep your legs from moving. It worked but they ended up twitching a couple of times with anxious energy.

A few minutes later when the plane was announced to be in descent, you felt a little bit of your anxiety ease. You were one step closer to your end goal and that made you feel excited because you were closer to seeing Nolan.

When the plane landed, you felt some more anxiety wash away. You were now safely on the ground and wouldn’t have to worry about a crash getting in the way of you seeing Nolan. You had watched one too many episodes of Mayday the night before you flew. Seeing all of those crashes and catastrophic failures had psyched you out to the point you were convinced something was going to happen to your plane. You weren’t proud of the fact that you had done that but you had told yourself that you were preparing for the worst case scenario, however unlikely it may be.

You let the thoughts of plane crashes and catastrophic failures push themselves to the back of your mind as you collected your carry-on bag. You didn’t want to keep thinking about that while you were in an airport. You would likely drive yourself to some form of panic response if you continued to think about the worst case scenario while surrounded by a bunch of planes.

As you made your way off the plane, you walked calmly to the baggage claim. Watching the carousel spin was soothing what little anxiety you had left. There was something about the repetitive, circular motion that evened out your breathing and heartbeat.

It was a few minutes later when the baggage started to appear on the carousel. You approached it in hopes of finding your baggage among the first few options. You were surprised when you found it, seeing as the flight had been sold out and would’ve had a plethora of baggage. You quickly grabbed your baggage and made your way out of the airport.

When you were standing in the parking lot, you pulled out your phone and ordered an Uber to your hotel. As you waited for it to arrive, you decided it would be a good idea to text Nolan. He had no idea you had come to visit him. You were hoping by receiving this text he would be as excited to see you as you were to see him. As soon as you sent the text, you slipped your phone back into you pocket because your Uber pulled up to greet you. After stuffing your bags in the trunk of the car, you confirmed the address and were on your way to the hotel.

Once you were in your hotel room, you checked your phone again. You noticed that Nolan had texted you back. Excited to see what his response was, you quickly opened the text. You nearly dropped the phone when you read what it had to say.

To: Small Fry

From: Patty Cakes

You’re in Winnipeg??? I’m in Charlottetown! I came to surprise you!

You sat on the bed and ran a hand through your hair. Sighing, you placed your phone face up on the nightstand. You needed to let it sit for a minute while you processed what was happening. You had flown all this way to surprise Nolan and he had had the same idea because he had flown all the way to your hometown to surprise you. It was beyond you how the two of you could’ve possibly had the exact same idea on the exact same day... yet, here you were. You thought that if you both could concoct the same scheme and execute it on the same day, maybe you really were meant for each other.

As you sat there, contemplating what to do next, your phone vibrated against the nightstand. When you looked at it, there was another text from Nolan. You ran a hand through your hair as you picked your phone up to open the text thread.

To: Small Fry

From: Patty Cakes

How about you tell me some places I can visit while I’m here?

A soft smile spread across your face at the prospect of that. The fact that Nolan wanted to make the best of this weird situation by exploring your hometown made you feel really great.

To: Patty Cakes

From: Small Fry

Yeah! I can do that! Will you tell me some places to visit here in return?

Nolan’s reply came almost immediately.

To: Small Fry

From: Patty Cakes

Of course, small fry.

The first place Nolan sent you was his favourite skate park. When you got there, there were a few kids skating around and a few other people swinging on some swings in a little playground to the left of the skate park. You smiled as you watched the kids playing and having fun. When one of the swings became available, you quickly bolted for it to swing for yourself. You had always enjoyed swinging when you were younger. It was calming to you and helped relieve stress. There was something about the constant back and forth motion that you found soothing and relaxing. Swinging today was helping relieve the anxiousness of being in a strange city without Nolan. When you were satisfied that you felt better, you stepped off the swing and made your way to the next location Nolan had suggested.

This location was the botanical garden. Nolan had said walking through the flowers was soothing and seeing them in full bloom was always a wonderful sight. As you walked through the garden, you decided that you agreed with him. The wide array of colours was breathtaking and the aromas and peacefulness of everything was incredibly calming on your psyche. You could drift into many a dream land here if you had the time. After taking a plethora of pictures of the flowers, you moved onto the next location on Nolan’s suggested list.

The next location was the Canadian Museum for Human Rights. You found the tour guide to be incredibly knowledgeable and helpful with every question that was asked of her. You left with none of your questions unanswered and much more knowledgeable than you were when you entered. If you had the chance, you would go back and you could guarantee you would learn new things the next time you went than you did this time.

The final location Nolan suggested was something called The Forks. He explained it as something similar to a mall but not quite a mall at the same time. You found the description incredibly confusing but it made a little more sense when you actually got to there. It was complex of shopping outlets and dining establishments that looked like they were housed in historical buildings. Nolan told you to go wild and go to whichever shopping outlets and dining establishments that looked interesting to you. You took that to heart and by the time you were done shopping and eating you had accumulated a brand new outfit and three pairs of shoes. You had also eaten a hamburger and ice cream from a diner-type establishment in the back corner of the complex. All in all, you had a blast and would totally come here again—hopefully with Nolan next time.

When you got back to the hotel, you text Nolan to let him know that you had a blast going to all of the locations he had suggested. It took a few minutes but Nolan did text you back.

To: Small Fry

From: Patty Cakes

I’m glad, small fry! I had fun at the locations you suggested too.

You went to reply but Nolan texted you again.

To: Small Fry

From: Patty Cakes

Can I suggest one more location though? It’ll be quick because I know you’re probably exhausted and just want to relax.

To: Patty Cakes

From: Small Fry

Sure. One more is fine, Patty. Where am I headed?

To: Small Fry

From: Patty Cakes

FortWhyte Alive. It’s a wildlife area. My sister, Aimee, is gonna meet you there.

You sent a quick confirmation text before trudging out of your hotel room and down to wait for an Uber.

When you arrived at FortWhyte, you noticed a young woman standing by the park entrance. She was holding a sign and what appeared to be an iPad. When she saw you get out of the Uber, she waved you over. You walked hesitantly over to her. You eased a little bit when you noticed that she looked strikingly like Nolan.

“You must be Aimee,” you said, smiling.

“Yes,” she smiled back, placing the iPad on a nearby picnic table and propping it up with a kickstand. “You must be (Y/N), Nolan’s partner.”

“That would be me.”

“Perfect,” Aimee said, pressing a few times on the iPad.

You blinked when Nolan’s face popped up on the screen.

“Hi, small fry,” Nolan said, waving at you. “How’re you?”

“Fine,” you replied, waving back. “It just sucks that we aren’t here together.”

Nolan hummed, pointing to the sign Aimee was holding. You had failed to notice if anything was written on it, having been too focused on the iPad. When you did read it, you felt your mouth go dry as your eyes flicked between the sign and Nolan on the iPad screen.

“Nolan...” you trailed off, running a hand through your hair.

“What does it say, small fry?” Nolan coaxed, biting his lip.

You bit your own lip, heaving a shaky sigh. Aimee looked at you encouragingly, a small smile on her face.

“’Will you marry me, (Y/N)?’” You said, feeling tears prickling the corners of your eyes.

“Well? What do you say?”

You nodded, looking at Nolan as the tears fell down your cheeks. “Yes. God, yes.”

Aimee put the sign on the picnic table and reached into her pocket. When her hand came out, she was holding a ring box. She handed it to you and squeezed your shoulder. You smiled at her as you opened the box. You gasped as you looked between the ring and Nolan. It was nothing special but it was exactly the ring you had been looking at the last time you had been in a jewellery store. You felt the tears fall harder as you slipped the ring on your finger. You handed Aimee the ring box as you showed Nolan the ring on your finger.

“It’s gorgeous, Nolan,” you said, wiping the tears away with your other hand.

“I’m glad you like it,” Nolan said, smiling widely.

Aimee squeezed your shoulder. “Congratulations, you two.”

You smiled at her before looking back at Nolan and seeing the giant grin on his face. You felt butterflies swooping in your stomach and your heartbeat quickening. You had never felt so loved in your entire life.

“I love you, Nolan,” you blurted.

“I love you, too,” Nolan replied without missing a beat.

Today had been the weirdest day of your life but Nolan had proved that weird didn’t always mean bad. What you had thought to yourself earlier in the day definitely rang true now.

You two were meant for each other.

[damnusillygoose]

Jerza fanfiction(Fluff)

Title: Some insecurities to overcome

summary: Erza has some insecurities. Can Jellal help her overcome them?

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Hiro sensei

'Mira, listen. I think I am overdoing it but I can't stop.'

'I know right? A woman cannot stop her raging heart inside a shop selling skincare products after all.'

'This is very addictive', Erza grimaced, looking down at the products in her hands, ranging from body lotions to SPF to cleansers to moisturizers. All sorts of products a woman can buy to pamper herself.

'You are finally paying attention to your skincare routine. I wonder who is that lucky man who triggered such a change in you, huh?', Mira smiled in a suggestive manner.

'wh-what makes you think I am doing this for a man?! I am doing it for myself you know-

'Yes, yes feminist, I know. In fact, we all know when you exactly started paying attention towards this department. Especially your hair. Stop trying to divert the topic, will you?

'….'

'Does he make you happy?'

Her eyebrows de-tangled themselves from her frown as her face softened at the mention of the man who held her heart within his. 'He does, Mira. He makes me really happy', she gushed in a barely audible whisper.

'I am going be the "best aunt" to your kids. Mhm, though Meredy could be a potential rival for this title', she rambled.

'M-Mira?! That's- You are going too fast! Slow down! It's been just six months to us, give us a break. I would…love to have a family with him in future but right now, it's too soon and I…. I would like to marry him before that', she stammered and covered her face with her hands, turning red at her confession.

Mira eyed her friend smugly, studying her reaction. Erza truly acted different when Jellal was involved. She would turn into the sweetest cinnamon roll around him. Not that she purposefully acted different in front of him.

Erza felt free when she talked to Jellal. She could act spoiled, flirty, bossy, whatever she wanted. She could act vulnerable in front of him because Jellal was her place of comfort. She could be herself within his arms, he was her childhood sweetheart after all.

'Yes, yes grow as a couple, bloom as a couple. Take your time. You guys don't have to rush anyways. Make up for the time you lost', Mira remarked.

Erza lowered her hands slowly, producing a shy smile. 'Yes, we are making up for the time we lost.'

*****************************************************************************************

Seriously though, skincare was such a hassle. It needs dedication and consistency. You have to be patient. You don't get results overnight. Jellal's face was super soft and absolutely blemish free, no dark spots whatsoever. He didn't even use any special product.

'Greens Erza, greens. Eat your greens. Plus, I don't go snacking on sweets in the middle of the night, you know.'

Erza pressed her lips together in defiance. Cutting out sugar redeemed results when someone is trying to achieve clear skin but that's something she couldn't accomplish, if she were to be honest. Leave it, I will try to compensate in other departments like quality sleep and exercise, she tried to convince herself.

She finished applying her hair mask and tied her hair into a secure bun. She reached for her tea tree scrub, took some of it in her hands and started rubbing it in circular motions on her face.

She rinsed it thoroughly after 2 minutes of exfoliating and entered the bathroom to prepare her bath.

****************************************************************************************

Jellal entered the front gate of their little cottage which they bought just at the outskirts of Magnolia. The location had advantages of its own. They both enjoyed and appreciated scenic beauty away from the clanging energy of the city. They could wake up peacefully, hear the serene chirping of birds, as the soft morning rays would kiss their faces gently. After spending an entire decade fighting battles, they thoroughly appreciated the tranquillity provided amidst nature.

Plus, they could very well use some privacy from media houses because Erza and Jellal's relationship was a hot topic going around in the city. They could take long walks without being pestered by them, flirt and make out whenever they pleased, without the fear of being stalked by them. No one could invade their privacy. It was their personal heaven.

Their friends obviously knew about their location, they came to visit them often.

Team Natsu would often come by to annoy Erza but Jellal knew she loved when they visited and she loved picnics as well, so he tried to create an aesthetic arrangement by adorning the flower pots in their lawn with golden lit fairy lights, situated within the close vicinity of their seating layout. He would switch them on late in the evenings, as they all would watch the sun set while sipping tea, stargazing and laughing with each other. Sometimes, Gray would bring his music speakers and they all would dance and listen to some traditional songs together as the fairy lights embellished their surroundings. Jellal truly enjoyed their company, they were a fun bunch to hang out with.

Crime sorciere was no less. Jellal would often play cricket with them on Sundays and afterwards, they would laze around in his lawn, basking in the sun, as it was the closest place from their playing field.

Jellal would find Erza trying to engage herself with his team and serving them pastries. It would warm his heart immediately when he would see her making attempts to integrate with his people.

'Well, you try to spend time with my friends, I want to know yours as well.'

Not to forget the fact, Erza had taken upon herself to look after Meredy, just like she did for Wendy. She would also do her best to include her in girl's night out and slumber parties. The two of the most important women in Jellal's life became close pretty quickly.

He was grateful to have such an exceptional woman who tried to indulge herself with his life, entwining them together, just like they both were meant to be. He was lucky, he contemplated.

He had gone out to visit Meredy. She had recently rented a place in magnolia and Jellal went to check on her if she needed any assistance.

He closed the door behind him quietly and proceeded to place the groceries he bought in the kitchen. He treaded upstairs to their bedroom and found her sitting in front of her dressing table-applying some lotion on her face, her hair neatly wrapped in a towel.

'I am back.'

'Hey. Everything okay with Meredy?'

'Yes, she is ecstatic to have her own place'

'I see. That's good. I should visit her soon and inform her of some cheap shopping complexes, which offer quality clothing in Magnolia. I love to frequent those with Mira. A woman should have some tricks up in her sleeves.' She replied as a matter of fact.

'I am sure she would be grateful for that', he almost laughed. 'What are you doing?'

'Applying moisturizer'

He sat at the edge of their bed and observed her closely.

'What?', she asked

'Can I help you in drying your hair?'

The corners of her mouth raised on hearing his request. She closed her eyes relishing his adoration for her hair that he named himself.

'Please do', she said as she finished applying her lotion on her face.

They were always like this around each other - content and serene, just like two important halves of a single soul, reunited after treading a long and strenuous journey of self-actualisation. Erza took note of the fact how loved he made her feel even through his tiniest action. Like how he was helping her dry her hair right now.

Jellal, unaware of her musing, took hold of her towel and carefully unwrapped it. Her hair was damp but not dripping wet. He divided them in two partitions and gently started squeezing the excess water out with immense concentration and meticulosity. He repeated the process with the other section as well until he was satisfied with his job. He kept the damp towel aside and ran his hand through the soft and glossy texture of her locks reverently.

Erza felt the tension residing her shoulder muscles leave when she felt his expert hands massage her the nape of her neck firmly. He moved his fingers, tracing her collarbone, bringing her against his chest gently.

'Erza, please remember that you are beautiful. Blemish free or not.' He reminded her, whispering gently in her ears before kissing her cheek lovingly. He held her face softly in his hand and turned her to face him, as they held each other's gaze.

She recently developed a complex regarding her skin not being flawless. Those cursed vogue magazines she picked at a store depicted ladies with blemish free faces. They continued to attack her newfound insecurity.

Jellal often witnessed her groaning while examining her face more than usual in front of the mirror. He saw her reading some magazines where models were photoshopped to an extreme extent, as if they had no skin texture at all. Some didn't even seem human with their body enhancements. It was abhorrent, he felt, to make women insecure regarding something which was naturally unachievable. He just wanted to let her know that he was going to love her no matter what and that outward appearance would never dwindle his feelings which he held for 14 years.

'Thank you Jellal', she took a deep breathe and smiled at him, being grateful for his support. 'I am not hating myself anymore for not having clear skin. Those vogue magazines depict a very unhealthy beauty standard and some women end up hating themselves for not looking that fabulous.'

'You shouldn't read them anymore. I don't want you to feel sad over something unrealistic. You are beautiful the way you are.' He didn't think she knew how beautiful she was in his eyes along with her flaws, especially her flaws.

'I am not, believe me. People are meant to be imperfect after all. That's where the real beauty lies. right?', she replied, meaning every single word she spoke, finally brimming with some self-confidence.

'Come here love, sit between my legs, come', he urged her and she relented by walking towards him. He shifted further along the mattress to make some space for her. She crawled over and seated herself comfortably between his legs and laid her back against his chest. He brought his legs around, boxing her within his hold. She brought her hands up to hold his and leaned into his cheek, sighing contently.

They spent a few moments in this position, simply observing and cherishing the sunrays falling into their room-for warming them up in this cold morning. Their hearts-already warmed up with the love they held for each other.

'Hey sleepyhead', he nudged her mildly when he noticed her blinking in exhaustion, almost ready to fall asleep owing to the cosy atmosphere they created, 'Aren't you hungry? What about breakfast? No- brunch.', he corrected himself when he turned his neck to look at the clock. It was almost 11.30 A.M.

'mhmp...? Oh brunch, right. I almost fell asleep', she chuckled, still slightly drowsy.

'What about strawberry sprinkled donuts glazed with white chocolate?!', she exclaimed ecstatically with her eyes wide open, now fully awake.

Of course, he should have known she would reply something of this sort.

'Sure, but after I feed you some healthy omelettes along with salad consisting of broccoli and beans.'

Jellal was kind of particular about nutrition.

'But those donuts are baked, not fried!', she argued. Apparently eating sweets for breakfast was perfectly healthy in Erza's dictionary.

'You can eat fried as well but after we have our brunch.', he hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead. Forget brunch he wanted to eat her right now.

She smiled and rolled her eyes in her apparent defeat.

'Salad it is then.

*****************************************************************************************

A/N: This drabble is also a gentle reminder to all the beautiful ladies out there who feel inferior after browsing through Instagram, looking at those models and wondering why aren't we like them. We are not like them because they themselves do not represent a reality. Instagram is not real, nothing depicted there is. Keep loving yourself and stay hydrated. Do check out my others stories and leave a review if you liked this one. Constructive criticism is appreciated!

link to my profile on fanfiction.net

https://www.fanfiction.net/~damnyousillygoose

[isabilightwood]

The Problem with Authority - Chapter 6

[Ao3][1][2][3][4][5]

Or, Sacrifice Summon! Jiang Yanli is here to make things right, be the ultimate big sister (step 1: bring back her dead brother), and maybe steal the Peacock throne in the process

Deciding to resurrect A-Xian was one thing. Putting the plan into action was entirely another. And unfortunately, the first step rested entirely on Nie Huaisang’s shoulders.

Nie Huaisang was not inclined to hurry. “I can’t snap my fingers and check every little town in the Cultivation World for one little snake,” he said, when she sent a butterfly to ask for updates. “I’m a miracle worker, not a god.”

Jiang Yanli understood this. But it felt like she was waiting around again for A-Xian to return from the Burial Mounds. Only this time, without an anxious A-Cheng to support, she had far less patience to spare.

One month felt as long as three.

While she waited, Jiang Yanli returned to Qin Su’s duties. The frequency of the garden parties had decreased, fortunately, with the changing weather and replacement of the extended family’s vault access with allowances. They were, as Jiang Yanli had predicted, very upset about the allowances. Muttering about how Jin Guangyao was taking away their rightful inheritance

And so, Jiang Yanli did paperwork in her office. Night hunt expenses and responses to letters about the watchtowers, often with Qi Juan keeping her company. Embroidering cranes onto a plain outer robe, while her baby napped, or crawled determinedly about the floor. Qi Juan found embroidery relaxing, as cooking was for Jiang Yanli — which she still could not do, thanks to Qin Su’s disastrous ability in that department — and was turning out to be very capable in finance.

She took meetings in her office now, too, with more than just the staff. The way she had convinced sect leaders to bend at the cultivation conference had been noticed, and some wanted to feel her out. They brought small but expensive gifts and tested her ability to sidestep seemingly innocuous questions. Asked her advice on night hunting cases or local issues the knew perfectly well how to solve. On occasion, she surprised her visitor with a piece of the puzzle they’d missed, and they left more intrigued by her than they’d begun.

It was never anything that threatened Jin Guangyao. Not yet. But he’d definitely noticed.

Unfortunately, A-Ling rarely joined them. He spent his days in the novice classes, for new disciples still working on forming their golden cores. Jiang Yanli had reorganized her schedule to spend more time with him, a few more hours out of the week teaching the very basics of sword forms. It was time she didn’t have. But it gave her more than just two meals a day — shared with Jin Guangyao, at least twice a week — and A-Ling’s bedtime with her son.

Qin Su continued her experiments with papermen, slowly increasing the amount of time she was able to stay away. It seemed to bring her more genuine pleasure than anything else, and so Jiang Yanli encouraged her, though she was anxious when Qin Su was out of sight. She couldn’t feel Qin Su when she was out of body, and it felt viscerally wrong, like something was missing.

Jiang Yanli was losing sleep over it, but with Qin Su’s golden core to compensate, she could manage.

Wen Qing was a comfort. She, too, had trouble sleeping, and was often up past the time when Jiang Yanli could no longer keep her eyes open.

They spoke frequently of the little brothers they each missed, and especially of A-Xian, two of the only people in the world who truly missed him. Finally, Jiang Yanli learned how he had lived those years in the Burial Mounds, and while much of it was heartbreaking, there was joy there too. So much more than she had dared to hope for.

She told Wen Qing in turn about A-Xian’s first talisman experiment. How he’d made and fastened a gigantic umbrella to Jiang Yanli’s boat, so she, too, could spend the entire day on the lake when A-Niang was in a mood. How he’d tried so hard to hide his pain at every turn.

Other times she simply told Wen Qing about her day, how A-Ling had done well on a quiz, or of his difficulty focusing during quiet solitary core formation exercises. About the antics of her older disciples, and the strangest questions an envoy asked or the most ridiculous demands by the extended Jin family.

Leading the pack was a proposal for a solid gold temple on a branch clan’s lands. They had heard of gold-coated temples in lands to the south that were reportedly more impressive than Koi Tower, and sought to outdo them without a thought for structural stability. Not to mention where they thought to find that much pure gold.

Jiang Yanli had informed them they could gild as many temples as they wanted on their own budget.

In return, Wen Qing told her of medical techniques she had invented or learned, far beyond the extent of Jiang Yanli’s knowledge. From surgeries on clouded eyes from a land of lush river banks and imposing desert pyramids far to the west to Wen Qing’s own use of acupuncture to redirect the flow of qi, enabling her excise the sort of meridian blockages that led to qi deviation, or siphon off resentful energy into the air.

Jiang Yanli had always been a good listener. But it was during those times, when she had the least to add to the conversation, that Jiang Yanli most often drifted to sleep.

She would have felt guilty, but she suspected that was Wen Qing’s intention. Instead, it only made her feel lighter, to be able to speak to someone honestly, about ordinary things without them knowing her every thought.

Usually, if she’d fallen asleep before Qin Su returned, she stirred slightly as she settled back in, and drifted back to sleep.

One night, Qin Su returned from her explorations feeling confused, and darkly contemplative. Though Jiang Yanli had managed to fall asleep in her absence, while Wen Qing was telling her how adding Schisandra berries to Jiang Yanli’s medication might have helped with her breathing problems, she came to full alertness as Qin Su slipped back into her head.

Something had happened.

I thought I saw resentful energy coming from Mo Xuanyu’s sleeve.

That wasn’t surprising. Mo Xuanyu had taken Xue Yang’s place as Jin Guangyao’s pet demonic cultivator, after all.

But he was flirting with the Kong Sect Heir, by the fountain in the garden closest to the Fragrance Hall, it seemed, from the image Qin Su showed her, and he didn’t seem to notice anything strange. He just kept blushing, and making abortive movements towards holding Xuanyu’s hand.

That was strange, she agreed. Not to mention, she’d thought he was flirting with the Luo Sect Heir.

Yes, he was, just last week.

Jiang Yanli had yet to meet the youngest of the Jin siblings. She would need to arrange to meet him, eventually, if he continued to prove elusive. Neither Nie Huaisang nor Wen Qing had the slightest idea what Mo Xuanyu was working on, and that could prove dangerous.

But meeting him would have to wait, because Nie Huaisang had finally found the fugitive he was searching for.

Before the sect leaders departed Koi Tower, Jiang Yanli had received a personal invitation to visit Baota for further negotiations with Sect Leader Zhai. To her surprise, she also been invited to visit the Qi Sect, in Chenggu, which had already agreed to a trial of three watchtowers, in its most productive farming region. Jin Huiqing had also patted her cheek and demanded a visit — it had been too long, apparently.

The behavior seemed strange to Jiang Yanli, but Qin Su insisted it was normal.

She chose a date for her travels only after she heard from Nie Huaisang.

There was no question that Qi Juan and Zhai Xia would join her to visit their families, but Jiang Yanli also wanted to bring A-Ling along.

“I’m concerned about the safety risk,” Jin Guangyao said with his usual plastered-on dimples.

“I’m more concerned with the security at Koi Tower.” Jiang Yanli informed him bluntly.

And because he couldn’t just admit that he had killed his own son, he conceded.

A-Ling might be able to finally meet his dajiu, so long as he didn’t know who A-Xian was.

In Baota, Jiang Yanli prospective sites for watchtowers, and was invited to spar with Zhai Qiaolian and their wives. “Just swords, no tricks with cultivation. We wouldn’t want to steal each other’s secrets by accident.”

Jiang Yanli wasn’t entirely certain what they meant by that, but as it would not require her to have mastered remote sword manipulation, she agreed.

And lost, soundly, to two out of three. It was some consolation that Qin Su claimed she would have also lost. Unfortunately, Zhai Xia finally extracted a promise that when she returned to Koi Tower, Qin Su would spar with her.

But her performance seemed to have pleased Zhai Qiaolian in some way, and they spent her final afternoon there sipping tea under a canopy while watching the Zhai disciples showcase their skills. A-Ling watched the sparring raptly from her lap, while discussing logistics.

As they left the training field, Qi Juan grabbed her by the left arm. Her vision swum at a sudden rush of pain. She fought to keep from crying out. She peeled Qi Juan’s fingers away, and the pain began to ebb.

“Oh, sorry! Are you hurt?” Qi Juan hovered frantically.

Jiang Yanli shrugged her off. “Just a cut. I was careless while sparring with Zhai-zongzhu. What was it?”

“Zhai-zongzhu just let us see their sect’s techniques.”

Oh. Interesting. It was impossible to tell whether that thought came from her or Qin Su.

Her stop in Chenggu was much shorter, but she left Qi Juan with her family, claiming she would herself like to pay a visit to Jin Huiqing on her way back to Lanling.

It was, as Qin Su pointed out, a good excuse to send the guards back to Koi Tower ahead of them. If they complained at being sent away, it could be considered an insult to Jin Huiqing. They were, after all, not only Qin Su’s husband’s own cousin (and though it was not publicly known, her own), but her older sister’s (estranged) sworn sibling.

The guards left. They would likely keep watch in Lanling, and arrange to join her as she returned to the tower to avoid censure from their sect leader. That was fine. It wasn’t as though she intended to parade A-Xian back to Koi Tower.

Jin Guangyao might find out she’d dismissed the guards, if he had spies watching the city closely enough, but the guard certainly wouldn’t tell him.

In Fengyang, Jiang Yanli found herself buried under a mountain of the friendliest cats she had ever met. Even A-Ling, who was loudly insistent that he liked dogs, deigned to scratch a few ears, after the first time a cat purred and planted itself in his lap.

As the Sect Leader was out of town on a night hunt, it proved a perfect opportunity to ask a burning question.

“What happened, between you and Qin- my sister?” Sworn siblings did not simply drift apart. “I know she’s angry, but…”

Huiqing hummed, shifting the placement of one of the two cats on their lap so it was no longer seated on the other’s head. “Oh, she has her reasons. Qin Xifeng would say I shirked my duty.”

She followed Qin Su’s lead for the conversation, as Huiqing might know her well enough to tell the difference. “Just for marrying out? For not, what, bringing Fengyang closer to Lanling?”

“No, no, though perhaps she would argue that as well. Our falling out was a matter of timing.” They sighed, and missed the same cat rolling back on top of its friend. “I would have thought you would agree with her, A-Su.”

Because of my — Qin Su shuddered — marriage? It’s not like my sister talks to me enough for me to know her opinions. A few times, she’s visited Koi Tower to meet with Jin Guangyao, and I only found out after she left. Her former friends must have spent more time with me than she did, growing up. But then again --

“My sister doesn’t have fifty of the friendliest cats in the world.”

They laughed. “That’s true. She doesn’t!”

Visiting Huiqing as Qin Su was a rather different experience from the times they, Mianmian, and occasionally Qin Xifeng had sought her out during the Sunshot campaign, when they drafted idle cultivators into doing the grunt work for Jiang Yanli’s kitchens and infirmary. Or later, during their brief tenure as first disciple, helping her gently bully Zixuan though social interactions.

She was there for no more than two days, but she felt completely and utterly spoiled.

Is this the meimei treatment?  She asked, slightly dazed.

Just wait until you meet my brother. Qin Su informed her with a strange mix of smugness and exasperation. Kind of like Jiang Cheng, on a good day.

From Fengyang, she doubled back westwards, into Lieshan, meeting Nie Huaisang in a town at the base of a small mountain range. Somewhere in those foothills, there was a town that specialized in funeral goods, shrouded in blood-spattered rumors.

She wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of leaving A-Ling with Nie Huaisang, but she wouldn’t take her son into danger under any circumstances. Fortunately, it seemed Nie Huaisang had brought along five of his own disciples. The tallest of them, a woman almost as broad shouldered as Nie Mingjue had been, lit up at the sight of A-Ling, and immediately produced a pair of wooden swords from her sleeve. “May I?”

Jiang Yanli nodded for her to go ahead, and A-Ling was vigorously whacking the sword the woman held firm with his own before she had even exchanged greetings.

Nie Huaisang’s entourage was clustered around two tables, with a spot open across from him. He was not quite the smallest of the group in height, but even the short one had more muscle mass. Yet — when Nie Huaisang asked his disciples to give them privacy, they thumped him companionably on the back, making him grimace and smile, before obeying. He lead them not only because of his bloodline, but because he was theirs.

She placed the pot of lotus and pork rib soup she’d gotten up early to make on the table. At least in an inn, no one thought her likely to burn anything down. A-Ling had wanted to help, when she’d been slicing the roots, pouted when she wouldn’t let him use a knife, and then adorably bouncy when she let him taste the results. Replacing the heating talisman that was beginning to peel off, she took a seat.

“You’re certain this is Xue Yang? Not a local Yiling Patriarch copycat, or someone trying to bring their village notoriety?” After all, the village in question had been plagued with early deaths long before a demonic cultivator began to take a staring role.

Xue Yang would be attracted to such a place, but so would any garden variety demonic cultivator.

Nie Huaisang produced a fan just to flutter it dismissively. “Oh, it’s him. No one else has the skill or ability to play with their victims the way he does.”

Oh, great. We’re using an even more twisted mass murderer to resurrect the Yiling Patriarch. Fuck. Qin Su vanished into the talisman tucked into her sleeve when she realized Jiang Yanli had heard that. She didn’t get the chance to say that she understood why Qin Su, who had never met A-Xian, would be worried.

Jiang Yanli shrugged off her apprehension. “All right. How do I get there?”

“Ah. I’ll be going into the foothills with you.” Nie Huaisang said lightly — too lightly, given his promises to the contrary. “Not to confront Xue Yang, of course. I value my life more than that. But the rumors of walking corpses go far beyond what any demonic cultivator has achieved since the Yiling Patriarch. Since Wen-guniang confirmed that Wei-xiong made his Tiger Seal from some creepy sword he found in a monster’s belly…”

“What do you want with the Yin Iron?” She asked, in a pleasant tone.

If Nie Huaisang took it as threatening, that was his problem. Constant suggestions of ways to throw her baby brother into danger would not be tolerated.

A-Xian would have to help depose Jin Guangyao, because that was how the Sacrifice Summon worked, without risking whatever Qin Su had done to them both. Or leaving A-Xian trapped in a nightmare, with Xue Yang in his head. But she wanted to keep him safe, outside of situations that could not be avoided.

“Nothing! But I bet Wei-xiong could find a use for it.” He backtracked when she glared. No one was handing A-Xian Yin Iron if she had anything to say about it. “Or at the very least destroy it.”

“You were supposed to watch A-Ling.”

At that, he laughed. “Oh, no, Xiaodan is much better at keeping children alive than I am. I’m far too easily distracted for babysitting.”

Nie Xiaodan, the muscular woman, lifted her head at the sound of her name. “We’ll keep your little man entertained. He won’t have a scratch on him.”

“I’ll be very impressed if that’s the case. He’s managed to skin a knee or elbow every day of this trip so far.” A-Ling had been very dramatic about it, every time, even after she bent to his demands to kiss it better. “But isn’t it your duty to protect your sect leader?”

Nie Xiaodan did not miss a beat in her mock duel with A-Ling as she replied, though she was only watching him from the corner of her eye. “Eh, he’ll be fine. If A-Sang can sneak around Koi Tower without getting caught, he can avoid a demonic cultivator. Better to have us guard this little troublemaker, we’d only get in A-Sang’s way. Damn, your nephew hits hard. He’ll fit right in.”

Tall, muscular, and good with children — she would have been exactly Jiang Yanli’s type, as a teenager, when she secretly dreamed of being rescued and carried off to a happily ever after. Before A-Xuan returned her feelings, and she realized how much she liked that he liked being ordered around.

A-Ling beamed, and redoubled his efforts.

“I’d ask you not to teach him any more swears, but his jiujiu has already made that a moot point.” At least A-Ling did not yet understand what they meant, cheerfully exclaiming shit when he dropped something on purpose. Getting him to stop was a hopeless battle.

Jiang Yanli supposed she had no more arguments against Nie Huaisang accompanying her. “Fine. I’m sure you’re very good at hiding.”

He beamed like she’d given him a compliment. “I am!”

From the first step into the foothills, the world felt slightly out of place. It wasn’t anything obvious. The sky was the same blue with wispy clouds as it had been in town. The dirt was dirt; the trees were trees. The grass, such as it was in the wilting autumn, was grass. But the golden haze of the afternoon sun felt more like a nightmare than a dream, and the path forward seemed like the road to hell. Nie Huaisang lagged behind, uncharacteristically silent.

You don’t see it? Qin Su asked.

Looking around again, she could see nothing that might have drawn her interest. See what?

The fog of resentment. At Qin Su’s nonplussed words, she received a flash of an image. A doubling of the scenery before her, but with dark, smoke-like wisps overlaying everything. It didn’t seem to be doing anything, wasn’t drawn toward them with the intent to harm. It was simply there.

When A-Xian had used demonic cultivation to control resentful energy directly, rather than through corpses, he appeared to be pulling the energy from his surroundings as well as the amulet. There were even types of ghosts that could hide, undetectable by cultivation, until provoked. Could Qin Su be seeing ambient resentful energy?

That would explain what I saw with Mo Xuanyu, but not how I can see it. And then, quietly. Am I a tethered ghost?

Jiang Yanli didn’t know how to answer that.  Though Qin Su was certainly angry, she didn’t feel like any resentful ghost she had ever come across. Not that there had been many, given her low cultivation and disinterest in night hunting. She’d only been given enough practical training to be able to get away to find help if she ran into one. Perhaps A-Xian would know.

However I’m seeing it, it’s getting thicker. Qin Su said with an undertone of worry a few minutes later. That probably meant they were approaching the village, and Xue Yang.

Soon after, they came across a teenage girl squatting off the side of the road, picking mushrooms.

“Hello,” she said, “I’m looking for someone. Do you think you might be able to help us?”

Though her irises were almost white, she had clearly been looking at the mushrooms she was gathering. “Might be, if you tell me something about them. Who’s us?”

She turned back to find that Nie Huaisang had vanished while she was paying attention to the girl.

He had claimed to be good at hiding.

“Just me then. I’m a cultivator, looking for a member of my sect. He’s a young man, who favors dark colors and candy. He’s missing a pinky, and I’ve heard his laugh described as skin crawling.”

“Please tell me you’re here to take that asshole away forever.” The girl groaned.

Clearly Xue Yang had not endeared himself to everyone in this town. Likely only, mysteriously, Xiao Xingchen. “That is the plan, yes.”

“Thank the heavens, my prayers have been answered.” She threw her head back and clasped her hands together. Looking back at Jiang Yanli, she said, “No, seriously, I have been leaving offerings in the village shrine and I’ve never done that before for anything. I don’t know why you want him back, but please take him far, far away.”

Qin Su’s amusement bled over into her, and Jiang Yanli laughed. “I see he’s made an impression. Where is he now?”

She shrugged. “Probably bothering Daozhang while pretending to help him peel vegetables. I’ll show you.”

The people they passed in the street looked downtrodden and miserable, more than she would have expected from a town that was a bit weathered and far from wealthy, but in good repair.

The air is chocked with resentful energy. Qin Su shuddered. That can’t be good for them.

The girl brought her to the entrance of a courtyard, and paused.

“He’s over there. I’m gonna go be… somewhere else.” She turned on her heel and walked back in the direction they’d come.

This was it. Her one chance to bring back A-Xian. She took a deep breath, and plastered on a smile.

When Jiang Yanli entered the courtyard, she saw a man dressed all in white, with a strip of cloth over his eyes was bent over a basket, smiling at a man in black who was leaning halfway into his lap, obstructing the first man’s progress. This must be Xiao Xingchen, the celebrated disciple of Baoshan Sanren. Of whose relationship with his former cultivation partner A-Xian had not so much expressed envy, as radiated it from every pore.

Yet now here he was, smiling obliviously at the man who had ruined his life.

Xue Yang pressed a kiss to Xiao Xingchen’s cheek and burst into unhinged laughter as he pulled away. Xiao Xingchen only blushed, and kept working.

(“What?” She’d asked, when Wen Qing suggested that someone might deserve having their soul destroyed.

“If anyone deserves it, it’s Xue Yang.” Wen Qing had said.

Then, Jiang Yanli had not disagreed. And when Wen Qing had explained Xue Yang’s obsession with A-Xian, she had known he was the best — no, only real possibility.

But now, she fully understood.)

Xue Yang looked up, and narrowed his eyes. He recognized Qin Su, of course, but must be surprised she would know enough of him to track him down. “Gege,” He said in a disconcertingly sweet voice. “There’s a pupp—”

“Shidi!” She cried out, and he paused, confused. “We’ve all been so worried!”

Xiao Xingchen was delighted to learn that his young companion was not quite so alone in the world as he’d believed, and immediately invited her to sit, and have some tea. Jiang Yanli was not going to drink anything that had been in Xue Yang’s vicinity, of course, but it wasn’t as though Xiao Xingchen would notice.

“It’s a small temple sect near the border of Lanling. He crossed a group disciples from the Jin Sect by mistake, and by the time we realized what was happening, he was gone.” Turning to Xue Yang, she gushed, “I’m so glad we’ve found you.”

“Are the Jins not still looking for me?” Xue Yang probed.

“Oh, they’ve forgotten all about us.”

“Gege, would you mind giving us a minute?” Xue Yang asked.

“Of course. I wouldn’t want to disrupt your reunion.” Xiao Xingchen patted him on the cheek as best he could, and took his basket of vegetables inside.

She dropped her fake cheer as Xue Yang allowed his malice to come to the forefront. “Xingchen-ge doesn’t eavesdrop. It’s sickening how pure he thinks he is.”

“Yet you’re here, anyway, playing house.”

“Wow, someone grew a spine.” He was cruelly delighted.

Wow, I have not missed him. Qin Su mocked his diction. By the way, he’s not the only source of the resentful energy here, but there is a lot of it clinging to him.

“Oh, oh! Let me guess. You found out you fucked your brother. Are you mad about the incest baby? You want me to take care of the great Lianfang-zun for you?” He laughed. Without the simpering quality he’d added for Xiao Xingchen’s sake, goosebumps immediately covered her skin. “Too bad, I’m busy. Go away and go stab him in the back yourself.”

That hadn’t been the part she predicted having difficulty selling him on. “He had you beaten and left for dead. Don’t you want revenge?”

“Sure.” He shrugged. “I’ll get around to it eventually, if no one else gets there first. Cheer up! You get first whack at him. I have some suggestions if you want them.” He counted them off on his five-fingered hand. “Castration, branding, carving up his skin, peeling off his nails while he screams for mercy. Choose your favorite murder fantasy and go wild!”

Those are his murder fantasies? He is… not creative. Jin Guangyao already went through the branding and skin carving to become Wen Ruohan’s direct servant. I’ve seen the scars. Qin Su paused. Please do not remind me why I’ve seen the scars.

Jiang Yanli did not have to pretend to be disgusted; Xue Yang’s presence alone achieved that effect. “What if I could offer you the spirit of the Yiling Patriarch? All access, in your head, for the time it takes to get revenge.”

There was a spark of interest in his eyes, quickly replaced by fury. “No one’s been able to find the Yiling Patriarch’s spirit. If you tease me too much, I might not let you go after all.”

Presumptuous to assume he could take her in a fight. His skill with a sword was undoubtedly greater, true, but she had A-Xian’s talismans on her side. “Who said I needed to find it? His spirit will be sucked into you from wherever he is.”

She offered him a copy of the body-reshaping version of the Sacrifice Summon, with heavily edited captions in Wen Qing’s handwriting. Most notably, describing an infusion of resentful energy, the desire for revenge, and the caster’s blood as the catalyst for a non-controlling possession.

“Yaoyao did say the next thing to be transcribed would be a summoning of some sort. Is this it?” Eyes glittering, he leaned forward into her space, forcing her to lean back to avoid the stale candy scent of his breath. “How in the world did you get it? No one’s more paranoid than Yaoyao.”

Yaoyao. Qin Su sniggered. He must have hated that. I bet that’s the real reason he threw Xue Yang out of Koi Tower.

She shrugged. “I suppose he didn’t think leaving it where his wife might come across it would be a risk. It hadn’t been before.”

“Why are you offering me this? Why not summon the Yiling Patriarch yourself?” He squinted suspiciously, because it was so far out of the realm of his comprehension that someone might not want the so-called scourge of the cultivation world in their head. “Unless you’re not sure it works, and think I’m expendable and gullible.”

“No, I know it works. I can’t summon him myself because I’ve already used it.” She held out her arm, and pulled up her sleeve to show an old-looking cut, still raw at the edges. Jiang Yanli’s was not from the ritual, of course. If it had been, Qin Su would be gone forever.

Wen Qing had guided her through the steps to keep a cut open, and she’d rubbed the herbal mixture over the cut every night since she’d left Koi Tower. It was the best approximation they could make, for the cuts that wouldn’t heal until A-Xian got Xue Yang’s revenge.

“Who’s in your head, then?” He asked, intrigued.

“Jiang Yanli.”

“Who?”

She blinked. “The — the Yiling Patriarch’s shijie? Jin Ling’s mother.”

Somehow, it had never occurred to her that Xue Yang might not know who she was. She felt a moment of panic, wondering how she could prove it wasn’t simply a trick if they had to resort to Qin Su pretending to be her in a paperman.

He shrugged. “Ok, you’d probably have picked someone important if you were lying. But she really wants me to summon her brother? Seems unlikely.”

This was the trickiest bit — phrasing an argument in a way Xue Yang would both understand, and expect another person to understand. Wen Qing had coached her extensively on how to avoid setting Xue Yang off. Hopefully, this domestic fantasy of his had not changed his perceptions too much. “She’s as angry as I am. You’re good at murdering people; she wants to talk to her brother again. You get the Yiling Patriarch’s expertise in exchange for binding you to something you intend to do anyway.”

“Hm. I don’t like binding contracts.” Xue Yang said, even as his lips curved upwards with wicked intent. “But — Xingchen-ge!”

Xiao Xingchen emerged from the house, stopping in the doorway. “Yes?”

“I’m going on a trip!” Xue Yang exclaimed, the transformation back into his adoring persona even more disturbing now that she’d seen the real thing.

“Are you going home now? Are you certain it’s safe?”

He hummed off-key. “For a bit, at least. Maybe I’ll be back here, before you know it.”

“You will, of course, be welcome.” Xiao Xingchen said softly. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too, Xingchen-ge!” Xue Yang sounded almost genuine as he ran inside. There was a sound of things falling as he presumably packed his qiankun bags.

Creepy. At least he won’t be missing anyone soon.

“Are you already leaving tonight?”

Xue Yang’s focus was already elsewhere. “Oh, yeah, we have time to get down to town before nightfall.”

“You must be eager to see your sect siblings again. I understand.” Xiao Xingchen sounded sad, but he would be better off without him.

“Sure.” Xue Yang said noncommittally.

When Xue Yang was packed, Jiang Yanli walked out of the courtyard a few steps behind him. She didn’t trust him at her back. “There’s an empty warehouse a few streets over. I’ll do it there.”

“You’re eager, for someone who doesn’t like binding contracts.”

“I’ve wanted to steal the Yiling Patriarch’s secrets for years, of course I am. Besides, the strength of the resentful energy in Yi City should help with the array. I barely even had to build it up myself, it was already like this!”

“I… see.” So if Qin Su was worried she was seeing something that wasn’t really there, she could stop that now.

I don’t think Xue Yang’s word proves that. But I was thinking that was what he did.

“No second thoughts now!” Xue Yang turned to walk backwards, clasping his hands behind his back. “What’s the soup for, by the way?”

“You’ll be starving after. I was.” She lied. “And this was Wei Wuxian’s favorite dish.”

Xue Yang’s grin widened to unnatural proportions. “Oh? The Yiling Patriarch’s favorite? I’m learning things already!”

Xue Yang drew the array with an intense focus Jiang Yanli hadn’t thought him capable of only moments earlier. She watched from a safe distance near the wall.

“Hmm, I can add more than one target, right? So that’ll be Su She. Those Jin guards who beat me. Fuck, I need to know their names, don’t I?” He tapped a paintbrush, red with his own blood, against his chin. “Let’s see, it was… Fan Caining, Jin Qian…”

He listed four more names as he inscribed them in the appropriate places around the array, all of whom were relatively strong cultivators, but outer disciples, or Jins too far removed from the main line to be named by the generational poem. All of them, according to Qin Su, sycophants. As happy to take unscrupulous orders as go night hunting.

Xue Yang looked up. “Do you think I should add Yao-zongzhu?”

She didn’t think anyone would be particularly upset if he died, but that was already eight people who would have to die for A-Xian’s new lease on life to become permanent. “Has he ever done anything to you?”

“Only tried to annoy me to death.”

“I don’t think the array would count that, no.” Jiang Yanli knew no such thing. But A-Xian wouldn’t be particularly happy about the guards as it as.

Xue Yang sighed wistfully. “You’re probably right. I’ll just have to get around to him at some point. And I can’t add Xingchen-ge or Song Lan or the brat, because of the time limit. Only a year? No, I want to draw that out.”

With one final symbol, the array was complete. Xue Yang hummed to himself as he carved the incisions into his arms. As he finished the last one, resentful energy was pulled towards him, now visible, from the surrounding air.

At first, he laughed.

Until the first black bubble formed on his hand, like the pustules on a rotting fierce corpse.

Xue Yang stared at it, in shock, and swore viscously as he shook it out. Black blood landed on the ground with a wet splat. That didn’t stop more bubbles from forming, and proliferating. Even as he shook them off, the discarded bubbles began to inch back towards him.

Jiang Yanli was horrified, and a little fascinated, her eyes glued to the transformation.

Qin Su balled up in her mind just enough to block her vision.

Even as she watched Xue Yang die, and she became a murderer, Jiang Yanli did not regret her choice.

Xue Yang finally accepted what was happening as the bubbles reached his neck. “You lied, you bi—”

The bubbles covered his mouth, cutting off the insult. His eyes were left for last, betrayed, and conscious to the very end. The body dropped to the ground, a seething mass of twitching darkness, as the reshaping continued.

Eventually, it lay still, human in appearance once again. Unmoving.

Just as Jiang Yanli was beginning to wonder if that was it, a flash of light shot down into the body - A-Xian’s body now, she could accept nothing else — and a cloud of resentful energy flew out from the array, making her flinch and cough.

When it cleared, Jiang Yanli rushed to the edge of the array, desperate to reach her brother. But she stopped, afraid to cross the barrier too soon.

A curtain of dark hair obscured his features, stealing away her chance to make sure that this body, at least, was his.

Qin Su sent soothing waves to her, but didn’t say anything. She, too, was caught in breathless anticipation.

When he finally stirred, she gasped.

A-Xian looked up at her through bleary eyes.

[starstruckmyths]

Tender is the Love of Yellow and Green

For @stuckys-hot-dogs​, who inspired this little plot bunny to come hopping through the meadow of my head. I blame you and your annoyingly gorgeous piece of magnificent art. This is all your fault. 

                          ┍━━━━━━━ ♡ ━━━━━━━┑

                                                   Chapter 1

                          ┕━━━━━━━ ♡ ━━━━━━━┙

Light scattered, wavelengths expanding and multiplying, and the complicated tapestry of soul and mind broke, only to grow back together in the midst of a wonder of colors, displayed beyond the borders of his soul. The universe reflected in his eyes, twinkling with the thousands of stars, planets and supernovas, all forming patterns from their joined energy, shattering like the stained glass he saw his reflection in.

With the stars still twinkling in his eyes, he closed them, light scattering once more and all joining back together to form a body, two bodies, the many patterns like a kaleidoscopic configuration, reflected in all mirrors around.

In his hand, he clutched his trunk, the new leather pressing hot against his palm. The large thing offered a comforting presence, a certain weight that grounded him while they spun; a sign in the dark, one of safety. Watching the world form around him, was like watching a child fill in a coloring page, only with so much speed it left him slightly disoriented.

A white canvass flowed out before his eyes, lines appearing rapidly like a sped-up video, colored in with green hues; a field of grass. Dark blue streaked above, the night sky forming like wool knitting together, painted by a great big hand that held the brush tightly. 

Beneath his feet, a stone road unfurled, stretching out until it touched the closed doors of a large building, a castle. There was a short flash, no more than the light of a camera when it captured an image. He stumbled forward, feet a second too late to catch up with him, his hands thrust out to catch himself before the fall would ensue. 

The trunk that he had been gripping so tightly, dropped from his hand, the weight gone, nothing to hold on to anymore. As he swayed his arms to regain his footing, the trunk hit the ground, a heavy thump spinning up at any ears close enough to hear. The air around him was hot, though the gentle breeze did much to compensate. There was dust hanging around him, a wet scent of dirt adding something he was not quite used to. Carefully, he stood straight; muscles, fibers, cells, all disoriented, all new to the sensation he just went through.

A deep breath; a new smell; a new experience; a new way of being. He blinked again, eyes slowly opening and closing, turning all that existed dark for the mere half of a second, nothing to be seen while he did. Once reopened he looked into a set of worried eyes, crinkled at the corners by years of age long past.

"Are you alright, mister Rogers?" the woman asked in the dark robes asked, looking him up and done as he stood unsteady on his feet.

He nodded, though still a tad hesitant. "Yes, professor. Just a little dizzy."

She hummed in response, watching him take his trunk before they approached the large building, the castle, mumbling something under her breath about certain dangers and passing by Poppy later if he was still dizzy. Knowing the low murmur of words was not meant for him, but for herself, he kept quiet, stepping alongside her firm stride with a funny feeling rising in his stomach. Something that had nothing to do with the fact he had just been pulled apart at home, and put back together again somewhere completely else.

They entered the large castle, and he felt as if the two eyes that he possessed were not enough by far, and he widened them to take in all that expanded around him. That which they walked through was so tall, grey stones rising like mountains everywhere he looked, covered in a sea of paintings. The echo of ancient magics flew like a spring breeze through the air, and he could feel brush along his skin. The gentle wisps of energy caressed his cheeks like the touch of an old lover, purring as it sensed the new source of magic entering their domain.

The faces of the paintings looked at them curiously as they passed, stretching out their necks and even rising to their feet to grant themselves a better look at the newcomer. He supposed it was strange, the two of them walking around the castle while the rest of the school was readying themselves for the Beginning of the School Year’s Feast in the Hogwarts Train, and the First Years were fluttering about in excitement for what soon would come.

Truth be told, he had rather seen himself arrive here with all them, watching the landscape blur by as he stared out of the window while sitting on the couches of the famous train. Sadly, various reasons and delays had made it impossible for him to arrive at the right station at the right time. Judging from her demeanor, professor McGonagall had rather seen it differently as well, though it was also clear that she did not fault him in any way. She told him to put down his trunk in the corridor at the beginning of the large stairs that led towards the main hall, not offering an explanation why, or what would happen to it.

Their steps echoed around the corridors, the professor held her wand before her, the tip glowing by an unspoken magic spell, that Steve knew by memory. He contemplated taking out his own wand as well, whispering Lumos to it just to see it light up, but he did not. Some of the paintings grumbled and muttered, angry about the bright light that was not quite yet needed, and he wondered how something that was painted could ever be bothered by a light. The evening was falling, and soon it would be dark.

Eventually, they stopped before a large stone gargoyle, standing tall and proud before them, though he had his doubts about the construction. Art was as beautiful as the observer’s eyes saw, but he could hardly think of anyone who would find this piece of work appealing. The professor stopped, watching the stone creature.

"Licorice coins," she said, then she waited patiently.

It moved.

Like a real creature of flesh and blood rather than stone, the gargoyle unfurled its wings and snapped its beak towards the two standing in the hallway. It looked at them with a large eye, moving to the side to reveal a large wall behind itself, which split in two. The gargoyle snapped its stone beak again, arcing its neck with a curious glance towards the two. There was a spiral staircase behind the wall, moving smoothly upward, much like an escalator.

The two of them stepped onto it, the wall closed with a heavy thud, and the gargoyle was out of sight. They rose upward in circles, higher and higher, until at last, dizzy again, Steve saw a gleaming oak door ahead, with a brass knocker in the shape of a griffin. It must be the headmaster’s chamber. Professor Dumbledore’s chamber. Professor McGonagall raised a hand, fingers curled to a slack fist, and then rapped on the door.

"Come in," said a voice, sounding so old and yet so strong at the same time.

As if by itself - which, at this point, wouldn’t surprise him at all - the door opened ajar, far enough for professor McGonagall to take the handle and open it further for the both of them. Steve saw a flash of a most beautiful, circular room, full of funny little objects that shimmered and shone in various lights he could not yet see.

McGonagall stepped inside the room as sure as her whole stance always suggested she was, and, after taking a deep breath, much less certain and confident, Steve followed.

                                                    𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 

When the time came for the First Years to pass through the large entrance hall that awaited them, the thousands of delicate candles, as they floated so gently in the air, seemed to curl and flicker as if to greet them warmly, and the stunning sight did much to the nervous flitter of bugs in Steve’s stomach.

The flames of those pale yellow candles twitched in that vulnerable, yet so powerful way fire does, the bright flames pushed by a breeze from the newly opened door. They twinkled in the dawning darkness of the ceiling above, that looked as if it was a window opened to the very heavens themselves, sparkling with a thousand stars, and lazy clouds sailed by. The candles swayed through the air like a sea of lights above their head, and briefly Steve did wonder how they managed not to drip any wax on the students below. That question was soon answered with the very one word that explained everything around here. Magic.

Those flickers and flutters were caught in the shine of golden goblets and plates that lay perfectly placed on the long tables in the hall. At the top of the hall was another long table where the teachers were sitting. Professor McGonagall led the first years - and Steve - up here, so that they came to a halt in a line facing the other students, with the teachers behind them. The hundreds of faces staring at them looked like pale lanterns in the flickering candlelight. Dotted here and there among the students, the ghosts shone misty silver.

Feeling like an odd fish out of the water, standing there taller than the rest of the First Years, Steve averted his gaze to the floor as to refrain from having his heart clench in his chest upon the sight of mocking grins. The thought that no one would mock him for being the older one among the First Years had not yet come to mind. Then, he looked at the four-legged stool that professor McGonagall silently placed before the table of the professors, in full view of the entire hall. On top of the stool, she put a pointed wizard’s hat. Steve frowned slightly at its patches and frays, and overall how dirty it looked.

Still, he could feel the magic ooze from it as if it were a river of ancient spells.

When the hat did twitch and twist, his brows raised, and he truly thought that this would be the most strange it could get. Of course, he would be surprised many more times, but though the spells he would learn, and the facts he would memorize, and the creatures he would see were all special and mind-boggling, none of them could be quite as weird as a moving, living hat. When said hat then opened a rip near the brim wide like a mouth, and began to sing as well, Steve could only stare.

Once the hat had finished the song in its deep, surprisingly melodious voice, the whole hall burst into applause. With something that could only be described as a smile, it bowed to each of the four tables before falling to a motionless silence. With a thick swallow, Steve gave the hat a fleeting glance, then quickly looked away.

"We only have to try on a hat, thank goodness," a young voice piped up next to him. Steve turned his head, regarding a young kid who was wobbling and twitching on his feet, hands unable to keep still as they plucked at his robes. The kid’s hair was messy, almost in complete disarray, and his bangs hung in front of his large, brown eyes. The kid was looking back at him, looking positively thrilled to be here. So much so, that he was practically jumping in place with his feet on the floor. "I’m Peter, by the way. Peter Parker."

"Steve Rogers," Steve answered, mustering up a smile to ease both himself and the kid, "Nice to meet you, Peter."

The kid’s jaw dropped.

Professor McGonagall began to read the names from a large scroll of parchment that she was holding. Peter’s head perked up shortly, but hearing that they started with ‘A’, he did not pay much more attention to it. By his side was another First Year, a chubby kid with dark hair, who had been looking left and right into the large hall, but once he heard Steve name himself, his head snapped their way, eyes equally wide as Peter’s.

"Steve Rogers?" he whispered, rushed, breath thin, "You mean, the Steve Rogers? The guy who- umph!"

"Shhh, Ned!" Peter shushed while jabbing his friend with an elbow, a little too loudly, which earned them a pointy look from one of the teachers at the table.

Curious to the teacher, Steve lifted his head, seeing that the man was much, much smaller than the other teachers, having to sit on a special chair to reach the table. He had a shock of white hair, and was wearing green robes. The two of them crossed eyes, and the man’s lips curled up, nodding just slightly before clapping for a student who had been sorted into Ravenclaw. 

Right. The ceremony. He spared a brief glance to the two kids, who now whispered furiously to one another, before looking back at the hat. He dreaded his own turn.

"Rogers, Steven."

Stepping forward, his breathing thin and almost painful, Steve went to sit down on the stool. Whispers broke out like fires across the hall, heads whipping around to meet up with others, and as he sat there, he could just see them look surprised and crane their neck, before the hat was placed on his head. 

The wide brim slipped across his eyes, showing him nothing but a darkness made with old fabric.

"Well," the hat spoke up, like a hush of voice in the back of his head. Somewhere, Steve hoped that the other students would not be able to hear what was said. Like a strange bird on his head, he could feel the hat move. "This is interesting. Very interesting. Hm-mh. You’re a rule breaker, aren’t you? Yes. A reckless one, but in service of others. The greater good, that seems to be reoccurring. I see talent here, certainly. A need for friends. Hufflepuff would give you friends, give you what you need."

Steve gripped the edges of the stool, bowing his head and closing his eyes. He could not care less about where he would end up, he just wished for it to be over. He wished that Hogwarts had no houses at all, so that the sheer dread and fear that slithered coldly through his stomach like a worm would not rear its ugly head. Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, Gryffindor, he did not care. He was alright with every single one of them.

He wished the hat would just pick one and be done with it.

"You have ambition, that’s for sure. Needs to be discovered yet, but that’s alright. A brave heart, oh yes, so brave. Selfless. You need to get your head right first, a purpose. How about we go with that?" Unsure if it was a question or not, Steve gave a minute shrug of his shoulders. He did not know. He just did not know, and it ripped his heart. Almost as if reading his mind, which it probably did, the hat said, "That is alright, young wizard, you will figure out where you belong. They all do. Until then, how about we just put you with..."

The hat was silent for just a fleeting moment, then it shifted again and called out, "Slytherin!"

A roar of cheers rose from the hall, most so from the table of students wearing green scarfs. The hat was lifted off his head, but the pressure had not gone away at all. If anything, it seemed to have become even heavier. He could not bring himself to smile as he walked to the table, though he knew it had nothing to do with the house he had been sorted in. Slytherin was fine. Hufflepuff would have been okay. Gryffindor would have been alright.

A few of the students quickly scooted over to make room for him, and he settled down next to a girl who had hair that was even brighter than the flames above, and redder than the banners of the Gryffindor table. The locks curled around her face to pool across her narrow shoulders like lava pouring from a volcano, and her bright green eyes took him in both curiously and openly. Her scarlet lips curled up in something of a smile, and she reached out her hand to lay it, oh so gently, on top of Steve’s.

"You’ll figure it out," she said, her voice somehow perfectly audible through the pandemonium of cheers and voices.

Steve swallowed once more. "I hope so," he answered.

[khhunniewriting]

The Others (15)

[ Mafia/Gang AU ]  [ Index ]

Warning: Suggestive/Mature content

In order to give you and his son an official title Joonkyung went to work. He had to find Jia’s real father, assert his dominance over Ambition, and most importantly... divorce Kylie.

Joonkyung presented the divorce forms to you as a result of his work the past few weeks. Everything was in place. He worked his lawyers day and night to look for any and all loopholes. If he was going to do this he had to make sure everything was covered. 

He would keep all of Illionaire and Ambition. He would share custody of Ji-hoon until he was of age to make his own decisions. If money was all that Kylie wanted then Joonkyung would willingly compensate her, he would give half his fortune as long as he was free of her. Besides, he could always make more money. His businesses were in place and would continue to make revenue while she piddled away at the finite amount. 

By then she would be another man’s problem.

“I thought you said divorce was impossible.”

It was strange, Leo knew nothing of other families except for what he had seen on television but he knew this wasn’t normal. Their lives revolved around these meeting-like gatherings in Joonkyung’s office.

It was obvious Ji-hoon was used to it by how he often tuned in and out at appropriate times. 

“Our marriage was based on a contract between my father and hers. I handed over the contract to the lawyers who specialize in the laws of our organizations. They know the rules pertaining to the others.”

The others meaning, the other son and mother.

You looked over at Leo who simply looked back showing no sign of discomfort. 

After several weeks of this, he found himself quickly adapting. All he had to do was sit idly and listen to the information. Like this, he quickly found out what kind of man his father was. He found out what he did, how he did it, and why his life was so complicated after finding out he was his son. 

Despite knowing his father’s circumstances, a part of Leo refused to accept him. He felt that if he truly loved his mother he could have looked for her despite her leaving him. He obviously had the means to look for people.

His thoughts were broken by Ji-hoon’s abrupt stance. 

Ji-hoon sat up stomping his feet on the ground to lean forward. Everything seemed in place to the adults but there was one problem Ji-hoon wished to address.

“She can’t force me to go with her right?”

Both you and Joonkyung put your qualms on hold to address the teen’s concerns. 

“Shared custody means she has equal rights of interaction with you. The lawyers took into account the fact that you have been living with me for the past five months and that you are enrolled in a school nearby. If anything your mother can claim her rights every weekend. You won’t have to live with her but-”

“I have to see her every weekend? What if I don’t want to? Is she just going to show up like last time?”

Clearly, Ji-hoon had many concerns that you felt were best handled by Joonkyung. You gave him a look asking him to assure Ji-hoon that everything would be alright but Joonkyung had his own way of handling his son.

“I can’t stop her from claiming her parental rights until you are eighteen.”

“Joonkyung, I’m sure you can do something if he doesn’t want to go with her.”

Ji-hoon had been dejected until you stepped in to help him. His eyes grew wide with the hope that perhaps he could set the limit on his interactions with his mother. As it was now, seeing her every other weekend was enough of a challenge. She continuously asked about his father’s business and interactions, pestered him to continue studying things he had no interest in, and polishing his image.

Joonkyung silently contemplated. 

He hadn’t foughten for full custody of Ji-hoon knowing very well that Kylie was solely interested in their son inheriting everything. He figured this would be the only way she would sign the papers. If he dared to fight for full custody it was probable this would amount to nothing. 

“There’s not much we can do.”

Ji-hoon looked over at you with pleading eyes knowing there was a much better chance of you convincing his father.

You held his hand assuring him you would do your best to help.

“But there is something right?” You were quick to catch onto the meaning behind his words.

Joonkyung relented and regathered the papers that would have to be redrafted. “I’ll see what I can do.”

\\\

After weeks of drama with their parents and each other Leo and Ji-hoon were happily getting back to their usual routine- despite the legal talk. They would go to school where they could be themselves- to a certain extent. 

Leo still forbade Ji-hoon from calling him little brother while Jihoon practically begged to hear him call him big brother once more.

“Don’t we have a game soon?” Ji-hoon asked Cjamm as he settled down into his seat and put his feet up onto his desk. After being benched the last game due to having missed so much school and practice, he was feeling a build-up of energy and possibly aggression. 

Cjamm nodded, “Should be this week but coach says it might be canceled.”

“Why?”

“The team we’re going up against has some major issues. A few of their stars were injured after going up against this really tough team. Their team was small to begin with so there aren’t many people to stand-in.”

“I really want to play~” Ji-hoon groaned.

“Don’t worry, we might play that tough team instead.”

“Anyone is fine just let me play-” Ji-hoon yawned not even a few minutes after arriving into his classroom. He pulled the hood of his jacket down over his eyes and began drifting not without mumbling first. “Leo’s mom really wants to see...”

Nauen immediately perked up hearing Leo’s name.

“I want to see Leo’s mom,” Cjamm sighed.

Ji-hoon immediately sat up, “Don’t even think about it.” Now he understood Leo’s previous actions. Leo’s mom wasn’t just Leo’s mom anymore. She was also his father’s girlfriend- Illionaire’s Lady. 

“Not you too... she’s not your mom.”

“Still, she and my dad-”

That’s all Naeun was able to hear before the bell rang signaling the beginning of class.

\\\

After following Kylie around Beenzino was able to report the places she frequented to Dok2. Out of all the places, there were a few hits for known money launderers and they all pointed to one group.

“So it’s JM?” The Quiett speculated who out of the group was the one crazy enough to associate with Kylie. They had a few high-ranking officers that would attract Kylie but only a couple of names came to mind. “Could it be Vasco?”

“He’s married and has his own kids.”

“That’s clearly not a problem,” Hyoeun chimed in.

“Then what about Swings, he has a long history.”

Beenzino nodded bringing said list to their attention. “There are five kids, all boys from different mothers, the youngest is seventeen. I looked into them but none were ever married to him. They all got compensated but none hold power of JM.”

“Did he suddenly mature and grow a conscience?” Changmo asked.

Beenz shook his head, “According to my information, it seems he has maintained a stable relationship since then with a married woman. Is this married woman Kylie, you ask?” Beenz tried to add some dramatic pauses before slamming down the damning evidence. “It is!”

There it was a picture of Swings and Moon Jia.

“Swings, legal name Moon Ji-hoon.”

No one had been able to dig up much of his personal life. Swings wasn’t like them who inherited their groups or were born int the organizations they serve. He built it up from nothing, he was an orphan with no record... or so everyone thought.

Joonkyung held back his anger. Seeing his wife’s lover wasn’t the problem, what bothered him was the fact that she dared to name their son after him. It was a slap to his face and his ego.

“Donggab arrange a meeting with the lawyers.”

“Yes,” The Quiett immediately stepped out of Dok2′s office relieved he was dismissed after such a revelation.

The rest awaited their chance to escape never meeting Dok2′s eyes.

“You three,” Dok2 pointed to the top three Ambition guys. Hash Swan, Changmo, and Hyoeun. They had been newly recruited when Ambition first came into his possession so they were incredibly loyal to Dok2 despite deriving from Ambition. “Find out who knew about this and who within is still loyal to Kylie.”

“Yes Boss,” the three responded and escaped in unison. 

Only Beenz remained. He was now able to take a seat in one of the empty chairs. “What now Boss?”

“I need 100% assurance that it’s his.”

Beenz was slightly startled by the dark tone. Jia suddenly became an object rather than a person as Dok2 continued to talk about them.

“I can’t just get a sample from JM’s leader.”

“Do the same thing you did with Leo and Ji-” Dok2 inhaled sharply unable to say his own son's name. “Get one of his sons to cooperate. A willing testimony from one of the older ones should assist our case. Compensate if you have to.”

“Yes, Boss.”

Once his office was emptied Dok2 slammed his fist into the desk. Now he knew why she insisted on naming their son. She had been playing him for a fool all these years. 

“What!” he shouted when he heard a knock on the door.

You hesitated but opened the door slightly. “Sorry, I thought you said to come back at this time.”

Joonkyung had sent you off to another room where he asked you to look through countless files pertaining to AOMG while he held his meeting. You had to quickly familiarize yourself with the threat in order to assist him.

“No, it’s fine- come in.” Dok2′s hands unclenched feeling the slightest bit of relief after seeing you.

You stepped up to him going beyond his desk to stand beside him and set the files down. “I went through everything and-” you jumped at the feeling of his hand running up the back of your thighs before resting on the bottom of your ass. 

“What are you DOING?!” Your voice went an octave higher as his other hand joined in the mischief.

He wrapped his arms around you pulling you against him so his face hid in your abdomen while his hands continued to evoke a blush from you. There was no response for a while. He eventually sat you down on his lap securing you there with his arms around your waist, only moving them when your hair or clothes got in the way. 

Joonkyung kissed your shoulder continuously going up to your neck and ear.

“I’m upset.”

“What did I do?” You quickly asked not aware of the situation.

“Not you.”

His responses were annoyingly short.

“Then why- ah!” You groaned loudly as he bit down on your sensitive spot. “Joonkyung!” You slapped his hands but he responded by readjusting them on the swell of your chest. 

Your shirt began to ride up as his movements became needier. You tried pulling it back down into place but Joonkyung got a hold of your hand and instead brought it behind you to rest on his lap.

Instantly you felt his need and began to hear the thumping of your heart. Blood was rushing to all the wrong places. Your mind was no longer thinking straight, you were no longer wondering what upset him. All you could feel was the warmth that overtook you. 

It was strange how often you found yourself going along with his desires. It took a lot more out of you to match his pace now than before when you first met but- “Joonkyung we just... this morning.”

“So?”

His hand held your chin turning you to the side so his lips could claim yours. The kiss was automatically deepened as he felt starved for attention. His heart was settled having you near but his mind was in a bad place now due to the new information. He felt like killing someone but he knew he couldn’t... yet. Instead, he would focus on what he could do now that Kylie had dug her own grace. 

Now he could fully enjoy your company to his heart’s content.

“It’s never enough,” he panted as he released your lips. By now your shirt was rolled up to your neck, one of his hands was inside the black lacey cup, and the other was on your lap working on the button and zipper of your jeans.

A knock on the door startled you into a panic imagining yourself being caught exposed like this. The door was clearly not locked, as you had proven by entering earlier. If someone uncourteous were to come by they would open the door to a sight.

“Go away!” Joonkyung immediately responded. 

At this point, he could no longer be stopped.

His kisses were deeper, his tongue pushing past your lips to tangle itself around yours. There was nothing he wanted to do more than you. 

“Clothes off,” he demanded after finally letting you go.

“What, here!?” Your eyes widened seeing him toss his own shirt and jacket aside, now only his chains hung around his neck. It was a sight that took your breath away. “What if someone-”

He didn’t allow you to finish voicing your concerns. He continued to kiss your neck until your mind was once again muddled. With only Joonkyung on your mind and in your eyes, you began acting on instinct.

Outside Dok2′s office, The Quiett stood watch knowing exactly what was going on behind the closed door when his assistant informed him you were the last person to enter. If anyone else were to interrupt they would all surely pay for it. Since the lawyers were all present in the building and available he thought it best to bring them by as soon as possible. He was only gone a few minutes, he never imagined his Boss would be so quick to get in the mood.

The Quiett ignored the lawyers questioning looks and directed them to instead wait in one of the meeting rooms. 

“I will bring the Boss shortly.”

The Quiett’s low voice was overpowered by a sudden chorus of moans on the other side of the door. Everyone in range averted their eyes as they pretended to hear nothing.

“Joonkyung!” You bit your lip unable to suppress every moan. Your hands were holding the edges of Joonkyung’s desk, knuckles turning white, to avoid from falling face-first into the wooden surface. 

Papers were scattered everywhere in the heat of the moment but Dok2 didn’t care. He was enjoying the intimate moment- as primal as it was. After rekindling their relationship Joonkyung had yet to be this brazen or demanding.

It was embarrassing but you were also enjoying. It reminded you of your younger selves when Joonkyung could hardly keep his hands to himself. When you heard him begin to grunt you knew he was close.

Soon his grip on your hips began to tighten and his movements became far more erratic. “Y/N I’m-”

“I know,” you panted allowing him to finish however he pleased.

There was one last moan. 

The Quiett sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. He was trying to rid himself of the blush that had inadvertently taken over his face. If he hadn’t left his notes in Dok2′s office he would have run off without a care in the world. 

He waited several minutes before knocking once more.

This time there was no verbal response only shuffling. 

Dok2 quickly picked up the papers that littered his floor while you locked yourself in his personal bathroom. Once everything seemed normal, to an extent, he called Donggab in.

The Quiett warily entered his eyes focused solely in Dok2′s direction afraid of seeing something he shouldn’t. “The lawyers are in the meeting room on the second floor.”

“Alright, let’s go talk to them.” Dok2 quickly knocked on the bathroom door to let you know he would be leaving. 

It was then that The Quiett saw the disarray of files on the boss’ desk. That was the end of The Quiett’s patience. “There is a couch right there!” He exclaimed while pointing out the nearly new leather couch in the corner of Joonkyung′s office.

\\\

After cleaning and straightening out your appearance you emerged into the empty office clutching onto your chest. The adrenaline and euphoria that helped you forget your environment were now gone. The thought of stepping out and meeting people after what you just did had your heart thumping in your ears.

You decided to wait for Dok2 there. Sitting down in his chair you began to fix the files that had been corrupted. Some were torn and crumpled rendering them useless but you did what you could. 

As you organized you came across the files pertaining to Jia and her father. It wasn’t clear whether you were allowed to read these files but you were hardly able to look away. When you saw the picture of a  man carrying a little girl you immediately put two and two together. 

“This must be Moon Jia...” you realized she looked exactly like Kylie. It was scary to think there would be another version of her to deal with later in the future. Although you hoped she would be far less threatening than her mother.

Next, you picked up a stapled packet, thick with various pages. You quickly browsed them until you were left with an unhinged jaw. “Five different mothers!”

Joonkyung walked in at that moment with The Quiett in tow.

You quickly put the scary file together and stacked it atop the rest. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked seeing your shock still clearly present on your face.

“Nothing, it’s just-” your eyes wandered to the file. “Jia’s father is... busy.” Busy was the only word you could manage to use to describe him. 

The Quiett would argue you two had no right to talk when you couldn’t be trusted to be left alone in an office.

“You read it?” Dok2 circled his desk but allowed you to remain sitting while he stood. You deserved to rest after what he just put you through. 

“Not all of it.”

Dok2 searched through the documents to pull out the old juvie record from a foreign country of a young Swings. “He goes by Swings, his real name is Moon Ji-hoon.”

Once again your jaw was left to hang. “Ji-hoon,” you repeated. It was hard to call it a coincidence. Had she not known about Leo and Ji-hoon having their blood tested she might have begun to suspect Kylie was unfaithful long before Jia. Still, she had the nerve to taunt Joonkyung like this?

“I have people looking into their relationship for anything useful that might help us with my son’s case.”

\\\

At home Leo finished his homework, having started as soon as they arrived from school while Ji-hoon lazed around and took a nap. 

“Finished already?” Ji-hoon stumbled into Leo’s room not bothering to knock despite Leo’s constant warnings to do so. “if only we were in the same class...” he sighed wishing he could just copy his little brother’s work.

Leo silently glared at him not bothering to remind him that he could easily do so if he would do well on more than just the tests.

Of course, Ji-hoon understood that is what he meant with that glare- now that he was proficient in his brother’s silent language. “There’s more to life than school and basketball my dear little brother.” He plopped down on Leo’s well-made bed with a sly smile. “Don’t you have any other interests?”

Leo looked over at the trophies and belts that rested in a display case on the opposite wall.

“Besides Taekwondo.”

Leo blinked, there was nothing else he particularly found interesting.

“What about video games, cars, motorcycles, fashion, girls...” Ji-hoon suddenly remembered how much attention his silent brother got from the female population at school. “What kind of girls do you like?”

Leo shrugged.

“Fine, I’ll say it first. I like sexy girls that like to dress provocatively and wear strong perfume.” Ji-hoon thought for a moment what else was important, “big boobs too.”

Leo rolled his eyes at the last part. “You would say that.”

Although Leo had never put much thought into what kind of girls he found favorable, he knew what he didn’t like. “As long as she isn’t annoying.”

Ji-hoon laughed. “Sure but what about looks?”

“Does it matter?” Leo shot back. Honestly, he didn’t think much of the girls that approached him. They always seemed to be like the girls Ji-hoon just described. He noted they tended to roll up their skirts and unbutton their shirts until a portion of their chest was visible. “Someone with some sense would be better,” he thought out loud.

Ji-hoon nodded understanding what it was all amounting to. “So you like the smart shy types.”

“Smart and shy is better than dumb and annoying.”

-end-

A/N: I’m setting up a lot for the future content of this series. That’s the best I can do when it comes to smut and such.

I also included an index since this is getting lengthy.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What Rhymes With “ATE”?

1. What’s the last thing you ate? Ramen.

2. Do you have a gate to your backyard? Yeah.

3. Who’s your best mate? My mom.

4. How often do you mate? Have sex? Never have.

5. What would you use as bait on a fishing hook? I wouldn’t even go fishing let’s be real, but fine if I did I’d use worms or whatever I guess alkjfklfjklf. I wouldn’t be the one to put it on, though!

6. What do you bate your breath with? Any anxious situation. 

7. What’s the last thing you got in a crate? I don’t get things in crates.

8. When’s the last time you went on a date? Where did you go? Almost 5 years ago. It was a cute coffee and bookstore date with Ty. That was our favorite thing to do.

9. Do you believe in fate? No.

10. Have you ever seen a freight train in person before? Yeah.

11. Do you like grated cheese? Yesss.

12. Do you have an awkward gait? As a paraplegic, no I do not. Everything else about me is awkward, though.

13. When’s the last time you truly felt great? When I was a kid.

14. Who do you hate? Besides myself, no one.

15. Do you know of anyone named Kate or Nate? No.

16. When’s the last time you were late for something? I don’t recall. I’m big on being punctual.

17. Do you know how to plait hair? I haven’t heard it called that, but yes.

18. Do you have a favorite plate? Paper plates, ha.

19. Would rather ice skate or roller skate? I can’t do either one.

20. How would you rate this survey so far? I’ve enjoyed all your surveys!

21. Do you ever just wish for a clean slate? Yesssss.

22. What state do you live in? (if you’re American) California.

23. What is your current state of mind? Blah.

24. Are you straight? Yes.

25. Are you straight-laced? Straight-edged? No, because apparently you can’t have caffeine or narcotics to be considered straightedge, both of which I have.

26. Have you ever visited a strait? No.

27. What’s your best personality trait? Sense of humor.

28. How long will you wait for someone/something? I don’t know? 

29. What is your weight? I’m not exactly sure, but I think mid to low 70lbs. 

30. Are you awaiting anything special? No.

31. Do you berate anyone? Nooo.

32. Is there anyone you’d like to castrate? Uh, no!

33. Are you a cheapskate? Lol I have my moments, but I also can overspend. Just depends, really.

34. When was the last time you collated papers? I don’t recall.

35. Last thing you created? Uhhh.

36. What was your last debate about? I really try and avoid those.

37. Last time you inflated something? Or deflated? I don’t recall.

38. Do you dictate what other people can do? No.

39. Have your pupils ever dilated before? When I go to the eye doctor. 

40. When’s the last time you donated something? A few months ago when I got rid of some clothes.

41. The last time you felt elated? My Disneyland trip earlier this year.

42. Have you ever been to an estate sale? No.

43. What are you fixated on? Health related stuff.

44. How often do your floodgates open? I cry often.

45. Last thing you equated? Hmm.

46. Last time you felt frustrated? The last few days. I feel that way quite often.

47. Do you remember to stay hydrated? Yeah.

48. Do you live upstate? No.

49. How often do you post status updates? I very rarely post status updates on Facebook anymore, I just share things now and then. I tweet a lot, though.

50. How often do you use Google Translate? Not often, but sometimes. I actually did a couple days ago.

51. Who is a classmate that you are still friends with?

52. Have you ever had a teammate before? No.

53. Have you ever tailgated? No.

54. Have you ever reached a stalemate? That’s how I’ve felt the past few years.

55. Have you ever been sedated? Yeah, several times.

56. Do you rotate your mattress? No.

57. Last time you got a rebate? It’s been awhile, but I used to use Ebates (called Rakuten now). I keep forgetting to use it for some reason, which is dumb.

58. Have you ever felt like you could relate to someone? Yeah, many times.

59. Favorite primate? I don’t have one.

60. Do you have something ornate? Uhh. I don’t really have anything fancy.

61. Has an action ever negated the effect of your efforts? Yes.

62. Could you be described as a lightweight? Ha, yeah. For sure.

63. Would you like to visit Kuwait? I haven’t thought about it.

64. Last person that gyrated near you? No one.

65. Do you know someone who is irate or innate? Hmm.

66. Do you know of any inmates? Yes.

67. How long does it take you to acclimate? I struggle with change.

68. Last time you activated something? Not too long ago.

69. What do you advocate for? Stuff.

70. Last time you felt agitated or aggravated? Recently.

71. Last time you had to annotate something? Recently during my Bible study.

72. Have you ever felt alienated before? Yes.

73. What was the last caffeinated beverage you consumed? Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink.

74. Do you like carbonated drinks? Yeah.

75. What captivates you? Staring out at the ocean and listening to the waves crash in and out.

76. What do you allocate a lot of your hours towards? Watching YouTube videos and checking my social medias.

77. Last event you celebrated? 4th of July. Well, we just went out and watched fireworks from the driveway.

78. Last time you were compensated for something? I don’t recall.

79. Do you tend to make things complicated? Yepppp. :/  “Why you gotta go and make things so complicated?”

80. Do you find it hard to concentrate at times? Yes.

81. Have you ever had anything confiscated? No.

82. Last place you congregated at? I haven’t been around a large crowd of people since my Disneyland trip earlier this year. I won’t be again for a very long time given the current state of things.

83. How long are you with someone before you consummate the relationship? I’m a virgin.

84. Last time you had to conjugate a verb? I did that recently when I was helping my mom with her Duolingo Spanish lesson. It amazes me how much I still remember considering I haven’t taken a Spanish class or even really practiced it in almost 10 years. :O I mean, I’ll occasionally try and speak it or if I hear or see it somewhere I’ll try to translate it, but it’s not very often, so I’m surprised I’m still able to at all.

85. Last time you were constipated? I don’t recall.

86. How often do you contemplate life? Often.

87. Are you hard to cooperate with? No, I don’t think so.

88. Do you know anyone who cultivates land? No.

89. Would you want to be cremated? Yes.

90. Do you have any issues with your prostate? I don’t have a prostate. 

91. Have you ever decimated someone’s character before? No.

92. Do you decorate your home for the holidays? Yesss. Well, for Christmas. I used to for Halloween, but I haven’t the past few years. I should do that this year.

93. Who would you dedicate a book you wrote to? My mom.

94. Are you good at delegating group projects? I felt like I always had to take lead in group projects and make sure everything was getting done. I hated doing them, they stressed me out even more.

95. Do you know how to demonstrate things in order to show someone how to do something? I do feel like I suck at trying to explain things to others for the most part, but I guess it depends on the thing. 

96. In what ways do you deviate from “the norm”? I’m soon to be 31 years old and I still live at home with my parents, with no plans to move out anytime soon. I don’t have a job. I don’t have much, basically none, relationship experience. I’m a virgin. I’m just not a functioning adult.

97. How long after you take a painkiller does the pain start to dissipate? It typically takes about 30 minutes, but on really bad pain/flare up days it can take an hour or so and sometimes not until I have the next dose.

98. Do you feel the need to dominate in conversations? Nooo. I’m much more of a listener and I’ll throw the convo back to the other person.

99. Would you ever domesticate a wild animal? Why or why not? No.

100. Who is the last person you congratulated? For what? I don’t remember.

101. Would you like to decapitate anyone? Who, and why? Uh, no!

102. Do you ever think that you could duplicate something you’ve tried before?   Uhh, like what?

103. What do you feel you could educate others about? I don’t know. Remember before how I said I suck at explaining things to others?

104. What elevates your stress level? My heath, my life (including things related to my loved ones in my life, such as their health issues and things they’re dealing with/going through), and just...life in general, man. There’s a lot going on this year alone.

105. Do you have a tendency to make situations escalate? In my mind cause I jump to the worst conclusions. My natural reaction is to freak out.

106.  How good are you at estimating? Uhh, depends what I’m estimating.

107. Do you fabricate your stories? No. 

108. What is something that fascinates you? Psychology.

109. How long does it take you to formulate a game plan? Hmm. Depends.

110. What tends to make your blood pressure fluctuate? Stress and anxiety.

111. How do you generate enough energy to get through your day? What energy? I’m seriously lacking.

112. When did you graduate? I graduated UC back in 2015.

113. When you’re in a department store, which section do you gravitate towards most often? The clothes.

114. How often do you hesitate before doing or saying something? Often.

115. Do you ever wish that you could just hibernate? Yes.

116. Does anyone try to imitate you? Does it get on your nerves? No, but that would most definitely get on my nerves.

117. Do you like to instigate others? Nooo. I’m not an instigator.

118. Could you illustrate a children’s book? I couldn’t illustrate anything, I’m an artist at all.

119. Do you marinate your meats? I don’t cook.

120. Do you masturbate? No. What a way to end, ha.

[a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

[chaoticlamphoagietaco]

2020?

Well what can I say, it seems like it’s ending with a bang, but there’s still two months left.

Biden is president, and trump has yet to retaliate, I wonder what that’s going to look like.

My boyfriend and I are having sexual issues, or rather I’m seeing issues in our sexual habits.

It feels one-sided, I please him (he cums), he pleases me and I don’t cum. It’s frustrating because I’ve seen him go on hikes, talk to people for hours, if you can be active in this way, why is it difficult to just suck my dick for like 30? I understand if you lock jaw, but over the course of our relationship, sex has been me being patient and him getting off. It’s hard to maintain sexual interest, and maybe that’s why my mind goes in these fantasies. I’m almost at the point where if we have anal, I know where gonna end up jerking off... maybe I’m asking for too much, or maybe I’m just tired of being patient.... I wanna see if he will be open to swinging, or wearing a long dildo for a couple of days to resolve the issue, but I’m not sure how he will respond, or when this conversation will happen. I’m hoping that Sunday will be the day but I’m not sure.

I miss my mother, I feel her trying to reach me but I struggle to connect to her spirit. There’s so much unsaid, that it’s hard to equate the relationship to only a spiritual level. I... don’t know what I would say. Am I angry for the suppression. Of my dance enthusiasm? Am I upset because I never told her I was gay? Am I upset because she’ll never see the fruition of my dreams?

Ri

Speakings of, I don’t know my dreams,p anymore.... or rather they feel like they are transforming. I wanted to be a research analyst after falling out of love with psychotherapy and sociology, but I realized what that actually meant. Research analyst is a broad term, that can encompass a business, health centers/organizations, government, and nonprofit. And essentially these are all the sectors you. And work for other than a school which I do not want to do. Through my conversation. With NASA I found more about becoming a data analyst, and while the salary was enticing I realized that was a computer science that didn’t incorporate sociology or psychology like I had hoped. When I stumbled upon market/marketing research analyst I was hooked. I knew that finance and accounting wasn’t my passion, but marketing itself wasn’t either. Marketing has been largely traditional, and digital marketing is basically a new field. I think this is why I made the decision to transfer my major so hastily, it encompasses everything I was searching for with program evaluation, I can conduct research based on consumer intelligence which incorporatess social psychology, and have the promising effects of impact. Or in other words, my research will be used and considered valuable to the company I’m working for or working with. In program evaluation, sociology and psychology, the effect that your research has is truly perceptional and has a large ambiguity around its impact. You can go 4-10 years without achieving a goal you intended, which is expected and encouraged in some situations. On top of all this, withi program Evaluation and psychology there’s an expectation around the support you give in the exchange. Not only am I conducting research for MBH, but we (the school) are helping the business attract African America. Participants to their establishment, which can be done in so many different ways, it would take. A considerable amount of money, resources, and process and attention needs to be there if you want to achieve an impact. How can this be achieved when the business in itself is not liable for its own pretentiousness? Or it’s own self-processing that I can’t change? Thankfully, with marketing I get the best of both worlds. I can incorporate my social psychology background, while also attending to my creative side in branding, and even furthermore conducting meaningful research that is almost guaranteed to have an impact (since if I don’t, I’m not doing my job well haha) and will be used as vital data for profitability will not only motivate me to take the job, my peers, and the business seriously, but will also compensate me tremendously well, I mean it’s very lie,oh that in 2-3 years time I could be making a 6 figure salary. With this in mind, I feel Clarity around my occupational pursuits, but as for my dreams... that’s another story...

My dance past is struggle to bring up, even typing....,

I was so close, yet everything was taking from me, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

With this, I keep falling in and out of love with dance, I watch a video and I feel inspired to dance again. I’m feeling more drawn to Alonzo Lines ballet, Nunes, and of course my all time favorite Batsheva. But watching hip hop videos make me cry, it reminds me of what I use to be, what I could have become, and how many friends I’ve lost along the way. Dance is brutual, forcing vulnerability and deep connection within a short period of time, I’m not sure how I to come back to it but I’m getting more inspired to. My roommate doesn’t make me feel comfortable eno to explore my creative side, but when me and bf live together, I hope I can feel more comfortable and start recording myself more often, the encouragement he brings is so ephemeral, I’m lucky to have him. But I know that at the least, if I came back to dance, I outdone be more interested in dance film, and being inside of that industry rather than concert dance, sinner the world is kind of moving into a digital world, definitely open to site specific work, given the right amount of viewers and support of course,

For my other dreams that are transforming, I know want to become marketing manager, and possibly a yoga teacher. I’ve gone back and forth with a yogic certificate, but I didn’t feel that I had enough practice, knowledge, or the right people to start with a subject like that. But fuck, I mean soooo many white people do it haha. I’m feeling more motivation for this certificate since I realized that I can make friends this way. I can find like minded people who practice, engage in processing, and are willing to go into platonic physical interactions, since I’m also realizing this is crucial for me in any platonic relationship. If this program started progressing, this could become a business that provides an income, I met awesome people, and I can a lot of ppl along the way. Downsides are of course if the business collapses, but I would gain knowledge in Hinduism which I’ve been wanting but unsure how to engage in.

What’s serendipitous though, is that the the timing of marketing could not be better, a program has a date right after my classes end, I can attend their classes, then continue my spring courses, and work a full time job and on my way to 6 figures. There’s so many resources and side that this transition feels right and meaningful, I’m feeling good about this change, I just hope I won’t want to change again 5 years from now.

Hinduism and Buddhism.... my practices and faith have been wavering, after Naropa, my experience with Buddhism is a bit tainted, maybe I need to go to retreat again and release any energy surrounding my mother, but other factors play a part. The prentiousness, the fake smiles, that school had a lot of problems, but none more so than racism pure and simple. This is why I love Virginia, racism over there is overt and blatant, I know who the racist is and I know where not to go. Here in boulder, everybody will smile at you, and you don’t know who is truly being racist, you have to really read behind the lines and analyze to understand the truth of what somebody is saying, I mean the school burned down on its own so I think my wishes are being granted... I don’t know where this leaves me with Buddhism, Charlotta was amazing, and I want to attend her classes, but something always holds me back and I don’t know what. In regards to Hinduism, my yoga sequence has pretty much been the only stabilizing thing in my life. Through all the obstacles and trauma, maintains these practices have really kept me balanced through whatever comes my way, although I have been slacking I some ways, I’ve also been progressing in chakras, balancing, and following a routine. Maybe in this way, Buddhism is something for me to contemplate, maybe Hinduism is what I want to talk about...there it is, Buddhism is my process and Hinduism is my faith. Shiva will always be my everything, in not sure why on that mountain, or even if I made a connection, but that trip to Japan truly changed me, and I want to follow a Shiva path that is right for me, I just wish I had someone to help guide me, but that might make things harder.

[shawnjacksonsbs]

Again with this fucking love shit?!?!  Just a bit ridiculous don't you think?   10-25-20

"Did you know . . .I fucking love you ! ! !" - T. Martinez

I ask myself, "Am I nothing?". Then after years of internal debate, I decide that I am something, and enough of something to feel like it is all worth it, for once in my life. I still fall short sometimes, but not nearly as often as I used to.   Sometimes you just have to look at your son, daughter, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, or whatever loved one, and you get to say, "I love you." Other times you have to look at them and say, "I love you even though. . ." This can sometimes be difficult. Even when they're angry and feelin' some kinda negative way about your life positives, especially because you know that everyone heals in their own time. It will prove your efforts profitable on your investment, eventually. To those, who think that I don't deserve all that I have, please know that I don't disagree with you, mostly. Also know that it doesn't much matter anymore though, since reaching the conclusion that, (to me), karma isn't a real thing. Feel free to rationalize, and believe what you want. Too much bad shit happens to good people, and way too many undeserving people get entirely too much good for the cosmic forces of good vs evil to transpire in such a way to bring balance to an off-kilter universe. Karma used to be a way for me to reconcile things in my head that I didn't understand. I now believe it to be crap, but hear me out. After reading a meme the other day on Facebook and contemplating its real role in my life, I realized that the current energy I put out, is what I get back most. When my heart changed all those years ago, the change brought with it new energy, new unknown destiny, if you will. If the change is sincere and about a new, good, positive way of life what comes back will mostly match. The only one who truly knows this is the one going through it, and sometimes that can take years of learning the new way(s). As I feel entirely undeserving most of the time for every part and every person in my life, I compensate with a very large, and very disciplined flow of real, true to life gratitude. How could I not?? It helps me stay in truth, stay focused and on point regularly, not to mention that my role of responsibility towards my truth, and my fellow man is held to a much higher standard of caring. My being so-open about it helps me stay accountable for it too. Through some third-party type gossip, as it were, I feel the need to reiterate that it is not only possible for me, but it's absolutely necessary to my mental and emotional health, and life approach to love without always understanding. My ability to understand you or your inability to make yourself understood doesn't have to affect my ability to love you at all. It usually doesn't either. The few and far between times that it does, that's on me to reevaluate, not you. Things like being pro-choice, because I know it to not mean pro-abortion. Or the fact that I support all those who kneel during the anthem for just causes, although I, myself, would stand, and probably with my hand on my heart. There are so many things that I see differently than a lot of my friends and family, that I had to learn how to love through those differences. It took (is still taking) practice and patience. And I assure you I am talking about real love, not the kind you tell someone just to pacify them. Once I learned how to hone in this skill, it changed my life. Plus the way it affects those in my life who disagree with me is better, mostly, as well. Any indifference, and especially hatred felt because of differences will remain entirely one-sided. Believe that. Hell, I wouldn't have anyone to love, if I couldn't love those who disagree with me. lol no lol I guess that's it. Just needed to empty my heart and mind again, a bit early as it's only Wednesday. Briefly, before closing, I'd like to mention that my last entry didn't get the attention I thought it might. That's how it always goes though, ain't it? I shared a couple of verses from the bible. Because we can pull love from just about anywhere. I just expected more from it. I thought it was weird is all. lol Also, I still exude so much gratitude for the life I have, the life I GET to live that I almost feel sorry for those who just don't get it. My heart goes out to all those who struggle. Hope they find their way to this side sooner rather than later. My 45th birthday was Monday, and although I worked late, my evening was more than great, and I get another shot at quality time with the family this weekend, for those who missed Monday night. LIVING my BEST fucking LIFE!!! Please keep sharing the love and the laughter with the world around, and then message your cousin whose hurting and tell them you love them. Sunday's entry is already looking pretty good huh? Oh, wait, you wouldn't know yet! lol The push for kindness and the mission to reach the masses with civil respect is still at large as well. Join a fight in your local area today! I love you all, and thanks, as always, for reading. Until next time; "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." - 1 Corinthians 13 1

[arecomicsevengood]

QUARANTINE MOVIES PART FOUR

It’s wild to watch any movie knowing that none will be made for the foreseeable future, and that the whole collective experience of filmgoing might be dead. I tend to have a certain sad, scared lonely feeling when I contemplate the future at night, and while I attempt to put off by watching movies, it only partly works. Now, more than ever, movies are a larger part of my processing of the world than the ongoing conversations I have with friends.

Smithereens (1982) dir. Susan Seidelman

There is something particularly powerful about movies where people run around, socializing. These things are pretty resonant with my youth, but “youth” in this broad sense that just means “the before times,” because if there’s anything quarantine is bringing home it’s the importance of a form of adulthood based around domestic partnerships with someone you like and having “real jobs” that can translate to telecommuting. Of course, socializing of the sort no longer allowed is really useful, and shouldn’t be written off as youthful frivolity. Smithereens is not a particularly romantic movie: While it might be famous for being “punk” in a “cool” way, documenting young New York nightlife in a way where David Wojnarowicz’s band 3 Teens Kill 4 is on a club’s marquee, it’s really about young people as these sort of upwardly-mobile opportunists with no real talent trying to exploit one another for a mixture of sex and social clout, and ignoring those who are not actively useful to them. It’s a useful document of people being shitty where the appeal now is how cool they look, and it’s interesting to watch in this moment where I’m worried that the whole idea of community will be lost very soon, in a way we won’t even be able to articulate. We’ll all be scrambling for jobs and security but everything will be further hollowed out, and we’ll be left with an even more vicious and dog-eat-dog citizenry. So a movie like this has nostalgic appealing, but by depicting the seeds of what will only become more widespread problems, it avoids feeling dated or idealistic.

Gloria (1980) dir. John Cassavetes

Oh shit this movie rules! I was under the impression I disliked Cassavetes, based on the others I had seen, and watching the first twenty-odd minutes reminded me of why: Sort of circular conversations, involving a lot of people being upset with one another. But this ends up feeling more like a movie, and less like a play. Once Gena Rowlands kills a carful of people I was completely on board. She’s great in this, playing opposite a child, who is also amazing in it, tons of dialogue that should be quotable: “You’re not my mother, my mother was beautiful” being but one amazing bit of poetry. Both extremely cute and extremely badass from moment to moment, the parts of this movie are in tension with one another where it also feels like it’s going from strength to strength, and ever scene, every moment, is great. Incredible music, and also great documentation of a world that doesn’t exist anymore, of telephone booths, smoking sections, and places that’ll develop photos for you. Highest possible recommendation.

The Naked City (1948) dir. Jules Dassin

Seemingly the first movie to be shot on location throughout New York, rather than studio backlots, and it milks the city for all its worth, shifting frequently from one location to another, introducing to new characters. Initially guided by omniscient narration but quickly focusing to become a police procedural. I knew Dassin from Rififi but this feels more exciting, I would gladly watch movies bite the techniques from this every few decades, though Gloria does a good job of moving through the streets of New York in a less-contrived way. There was a Naked City TV show ten years later, shot on location and focusing on a police precinct.

Near Dark (1987) dir. Kathryn Bigelow

I consider this Kathryn Bigelow’s best movie, but circumstances have not led me to watch it as many times as I’ve seen Point Break, so the memories I’ve retained of it were kind of inaccurate: Specifically, the thing I thought of as the climax, the part at the hotel where light is getting shot through the blankets taped up to cover windows, happens like halfway through. Screenwriter Eric Red wrote this at the same time as he wrote The Hitcher, and that’s another one that just GOES, moving from one scene to another where they all have this climactic intensity constantly but the scale is shifting of what you’re invested in? The Hitcher is a nightmare and this is more of an action movie. People point out this movie has a bunch of the cast from Aliens but I didn’t realize there’s a shot where Aliens is actually on the marquee of a theater. I also wonder if this whole horror/action/western/but with vampires thing was an inspiration to Garth Ennis? I kinda feel like the pacing I find so powerful could not really be sustained over the length of an extended comic run.

Hero (1992) dir. Stephen Frears

Dustin Hoffman plays a criminal schlub, doing a weird voice. It’s almost like he was told that the role was written for Sylvester Stallone, but Stallone’s insistence on getting a writing credit on every movie he acts in complicated the premise in a weird way, so Hoffman just attempts a Stallone impression. One of his few redeeming characteristics is he’s a loving father, but that isn’t why he’ll remind you of your dad. Maybe most men are just Dustin Hoffman doing impersonations of Sylvester Stallone! From 1992, so Hoffman’s I guess in a post-Rain-Man mode, but the film also feels very early nineties in its commentary on television news turning stories into celebrities, and an analysis of the problems with professional cynicism that seem very much of their time. It’s not like a more sophisticated critique has found its way into any mainstream film I can think of, we’ve just stopped thinking about these issues, as they’ve become much worse. Joan Cusack’s good as his Hoffman’s ex-wife, and Susie Cusack’s good as his lawyer. I would like to see Susie Cusack in more things! Geena Davis plays a television reporter, Andy Garcia plays a decent guy who is a contrast to Hoffman, there’s also small roles for the likes of Stephen Tobolowsky and Tom Arnold, really placing this in a moment of time.

The Age Of Innocence (1993) dir. Martin Scorsese

I didn’t like this one, for all the obvious reasons: I don’t like costume dramas about rich people, and I don’t like Daniel Day-Lewis. It’s an Edith Wharton adaptation, all about a world of well-mannered old money with very rigidly defined rules of behavior. Michelle Pfeiffer plays the true love Day-Lewis is kept from by the mores of the day, and part of her romantic appeal is she’s able to see through the rituals and make fun of them, while Winona Ryder fully buys into them, and thus reaps the benefits. Everything is repressed, all behavior is affect, this is of course the point but very much not my thing. There’s also a lot of a narrator reading the text of the book while the camerawork fades between lavishly composed image, while the cinematography probably looked great on a big screen I would still be very anxious about getting to the storytelling.

Experiment In Terror (1962) dir. Blake Edwards

This one starts off super-intensely, with a home invasion scene, the sense of horror in this is palpable but the fear is just used as this blackmail structure for some noir stuff? It straggles the genre line pretty well, feeling weird because of this horror energy of sheer creeping malevolence defines it. This is also considerably longer than most of the other film noir I’ve watched recently, because those moments extend and take away from the sense of a building plot, to instead feel like they might derail it. Lee Remick is the lead, and she is this terrified victim, which makes the film more interesting than if it were focused on the cop played by Glenn Ford. The main character’s younger sister gets kidnapped at one point, it gets creepy. The climax occurs at a end of a crowded baseball game, and there’s shots that I assume were done via helicopter, which seems like it would’ve upped the budget considerably.

The Harder They Fall (1956) dir. Mark Robson

Humphrey Bogart stars as a former sports writer, working to drum up publicity for a fresh-off-the-boat boxer who does not know how to fight, but is naively participating in fixed matches, for the economic benefit of the mob. While the boxer is being exploited and making no money, despite his celebrity; Bogart is being well-compensated to sell out his conscience and he is very good at playing a dude in moral conflict with himself, struggling to do the decent thing. While this isn’t the best boxing movie, or the best Bogart, it’s still pretty good.

The Devil And Miss Jones (1941) dir. Sam Wood

Heard about this one in the context of it having good politics. It’s about a rich guy who goes undercover at a department store hoping to bust the union only to realize that the guy organizing the union is supremely decent and the middle manager should get fired. It has some scenes that feel like they might play for “cringe comedy” but also are just so fucked up? One where the rich dude is forcing shoes onto the feet of little girl who is crying saying “I don’t like it! I don’t like it!” feels way too much like a pervert’s fetish for me to be comfortable with. The female lead is played by Jean Arthur, who is very good at playing a genuine, kind, and idealistic person. I am very grateful she dates the union organizer and the old rich dude’s love interest is someone age-appropriate. Interesting to see a pro-union movie from a time when unions were popular, so it functions as populist entertainment while Sorry To Bother You gestures at being radical propaganda for self-congratulation’s sake.

Human Desire (1954) dir. Fritz Lang

Another noir from Lang, with the same leads as The Big Heat. This one made me worried about age-inappropriate relationships too, as it begins with a dude being back from war, moving in with his friends, and their daughter having “become a woman” while he was away. Luckily the title refers  to a desire he ends up feeling for a married woman who as an accomplice to a murder committed by her abusive husband. Glenn Ford stars in this one, and he has this very boring morally upstanding male lead quality that makes these well-made movies feel generic. This thing is happening to me watching movies where I get kind of hung up on how no one ever explains themselves or their feelings: I don’t think they should, I think the whole thing of watching a movie where you watch it thinking like “Why don’t you just tell her you love her??” is interesting because… a writer doesn’t need the characters to explain their feelings to each other if the viewers understand them, these feelings are the most obvious things and so can go unspoken, and so you would really only have them say these things if they were lying or being manipulative? But maybe in more modern movies people really do state their motivations because screenwriters are dumber now? I don’t know.

Fail Safe (1964) dir. Sidney Lumet

I have talked about this movie a lot since watching it, and in a way that doesn’t even mention that the opening is amazing, and the title and credits sequence are all-time greats. Instead I mention that Henry Fonda’s performance seems to have inspired David Lynch’s performance of Gordon Cole, and how the weird, fucked up nightmarish ending doesn’t really change the fact that watching it in 2020 it feels like a sort of pornography of competence when contrasted against our own reality. The whole movie is about an accident that leads to a U.S. military plane flying to Moscow to drop a nuke, and everyone (except for the pilots) realizing this is a mistake and trying to avert global nuclear war. The ending is pretty astounding in its darkness. Walter Matthau plays a guy whose role is to argue for the pragmatic value of mass death, but the moral calculus that ends up being embraced is far beyond the nihilistic death drive he advocates for. Mutually assured destruction is such a motherfucker of a concept. I am really hung up on the idea that unilateral nuclear disarmament never became a thing really set a precedent for how political parties in this country will never unilaterally dismantle their propaganda machines. 24-hour news is a nightmare, not really on a par with nuclear weapons, but similarly something that should be illegal, but for the calculations made. We would be a different country if we were willing to make these kinds of sacrifices but we really are not.

The Deadly Affair (1967) dir. Sidney Lumet

James Mason stars in this John Le Carre adaptation. He plays a spy whose wife is cheating on him, with another spy. None of the twists in this are unforeseen, in fact, the title alone explains a bunch, but the title is also so generic you might forget what the movie is called while you’re watching it. James Mason is good in it, although it’s weird that he’s playing a likable guy who sort of doesn’t seem to understand why everyone can’t get along or be honest adults with one another considering his work in the intelligence community. Another solid Sidney Lumet movie.

Three Days Of The Condor (1975) dir. Sydney Pollack

This movie does a very good job of not explaining things up front, and then portioning out understanding as it goes on. The movie begins with Robert Redford getting his office getting shot up, and we eventually learn he works for the CIA, but he cannot rely on them for his protection. It doesn’t introduce the female lead, played by Faye Dunaway, until like halfway through the movie, when our hero takes her hostage. Redford can’t really explain the situation to her, and just sort of acts like a psychopath, but they are able to have a quasi-romantic relationship where she trusts him because he’s played by Robert Redford, who is in some ways the seventies’ answer to Glenn Ford. The movie star aspect allows him to sell his agreeability, although he’s also supposed to be something of a nerd, a guy whose job is just to read books and analyze the information. Max Von Sydow plays the villain.

The Third Shadow Warrior (1963) dir. Umetsugu Inoue

Watched this because it’s made by the dude who made Black Lizard, it’s a samurai thing about a warrior who employs body doubles. It follows one such body double, overshadowed by the man whose existence he supports, at the expense of his own individuality or happiness. Interesting enough, feels like it occupies the solid middle of samurai movies- Something sort of common to stuff on Criterion is something that doesn’t blow you away but it is definitely a “real movie” at the very least.

La Cienaga, (2001) dir. Lucrecia Martel

That said, you kind of do need to be careful with newer Criterion channel stuff, because some things feel more like they’re just trying to engage with an art house history in order to earn their place in the canon. This movie isn’t bad, but I do feel like the reason it’s interesting stems from a context the film itself has nothing to do with: After Martel made Zama (2017), there was talk of her being asked by Marvel to do a Black Widow movie, which is insane. The studio also volunteered to handle the action for her, which she said she would actually be interested in learning how to do herself, but she had no interest in working with Marvel. Let Lucrecia Martel make a big-budget action movie without corporate properties you cowards! This movie is pretty difficult to follow, with no clear narrative thread, a lot of characters, weird pacing, etc. There’s moments of poetry or tension but this is one of those things that’s just beyond my preferences enough to remind me of a certain aesthetic conservatism I possess. I didn’t finish Zama, though I had read the book. It’s honestly tough to imagine Martel making a movie with straightforward plot that can easily be followed, it doesn’t seem to be what she’s interested in, even in terms of editing a movie so that you have a sense of where scenes stand in relation to one another in time. Many scenes still maintain a sense of beauty or mystery but at there’s no velocity. She’s closer to Apichatpong Weerasethakul or Carlos Reygadas or Bi Gan, to name three people whose names I absolutely had to Google because I couldn’t think of them off the top of my head.

All these movies are streaming on The Criterion Channel, if you want me to recommend things on other streaming services, please DM me your login information.

[all-things-fic]

7, 43, 45, 59 and 70 (you don't have to use all)

7 - I’ll keep you warm43 - you have no idea how much I want you right now45 - I can’t imagine this world without you59 - is this okay?70 - after everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?

Hope I did the prompts justice. Thanks for being patient with me! x

***

Your eyes were trained on the flamesof the fire pit in front of you. The warm embers glowing, mesmerising you whilekeeping your skin warm even if it was June and not necessarily the coldest.

The sound of a sliding patio door washeard behind you but that didn’t deter your eyes away from the orange glow. Hisfeet, bare of socks and shoes, pattered across the paving slabs, carrying himto you as you dithered underneath the blanket that Harry had passed you theminute you got outside.

He cleared his throat when he gotcloser, walking towards the seats and choosing to sit next to you, a differencefrom where he had previously sat across from you before following through withhis suggestion of getting a bottle of wine for the two of you to share.

“Hope white is okay,” he said, voicea bit strained as he reached forward and quickly started to pour the wine. Youhummed in response, white was more than okay.

Without turning to face you, he helda glass out to you to take off his hands as he poured his own glass. Leaningforward you cupped the glass with both your hands and thanked him.

“S’no problem,” he lightly yawned, asyou fell back into the garden furniture, an upgrade from when you’d lastproperly been in this garden as a teenager.

Today had been tough on Harry, thewhole week had in fact. Two years on and it didn’t get easier. There was stillthe occasional tip-toeing around Anne. The over compensation of showering herwith love, affection and more importantly his time and presence during thisparticular date frame. She too was still trying to navigate her way around ahouse that was filled with so many memories and find her own path once more.One that made her feel like a whole person again rather than someone who hadlost her other half that made her whole.

That was why you and your mother hadturned up to tag team against both Anne and Harry earlier on that evening. Yourmother whisked Anne away to a fancy restaurant somewhere in Middlewich, arecommendation from mutual friends, and you stayed in Holmes Chapel with Harry.The two of you choosing to reminisce on simpler times when the two of you wereat school, both of you opting for a much bigger life in London as you grew. Inhis case a much, much bigger life with Los Angeles, New York and basically therest of the world thrown in there too.

“If he could see me now, sat herewith you like this he’d be laughing,” Harry started, as he sunk back into thecouch and turned to rest his body to the side. With his chin resting on hishand, arm leaning on the back of the couch, he continued, “He would’ve told meto not have given you tha’ blanket and when you’d undoubtedly moan about beingcold to use some shit like “I’ll keepyou warm” as a way to satiate you.”

You felt a fond smile fall upon yourlips as he spoke about Robin. The ways in which the two of them used to fallinto a pattern of pissing about with each other. A step-father and son,bouncing back and forth over Harry’s sometimes lack of confidence with girls heliked and Robin wanting to push H out of his comfort-zone in that dad-likecheesy way.

“Probably would’ve satiated me,” youstarted, watching his eyes fall from the flames and onto you. “I remember youalways being like a furnace-“

“Hasn’t changed,” he cut in, makingyou bring your eyes back to him.

Sometimes you looked at him and youcouldn’t see the teenager you’d grown up with and then other times he was therein abundance. Like tonight, eyes sparkling in that certain way, top of hischeeks tinted with a pink that was more than likely from the heat radiating offthe fire, but part of you hoped was from the lack of still not knowing how hewas ever going to get you to fully commit to the idea of more than just adrunken kiss with him. Cause you’d certainly had a few of them in your time inknowing him.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t get coldthough,” he reached for your calf, lightly tugging. “Get over here and stophogging all the blanket to y’self.”

“Not very gentlemanly of you is it,”you started, “basically admitted to only giving me the blanket for your owngain.”

He playfully scoffed, taking a sip ofhis wine.

“And now you suspiciously want mecloser,” you squinted over at him.

He mirrored your facial expression,squinting too, before he couldn’t hold the laugh that spluttered out from hislips that were being held together so tightly.

“So suspicious,” he joked into thetop of your head, as you felt yourself give in and curl up next to him, lightlyshaking your head against his chest, where it rested.

There’s a silence between you thatwhile it was content there was also a nervous energy skirting around the edges.He still was as incredibly soft as you remembered him to be, left handsmoothing up and down your arm that stuck out from underneath the blanket,holding your wine glass. It being rubbed to make sure it didn’t feel the coldair.

“I’ve contemplated calling you somany times since I got home last week,” he admitted. “There’s a comfort inknowing that your mobile number is still the same as what it was when you wereseventeen,” he mumbled.

You rested your chin upon his chestto look at him, his eyes trained onto the flames as he spoke, and you watchedthe way this orange glow opened up his expression to you.

He can feel your eyes on him, but hedid it anyway, he quickly rattled off your mobile phone number without as muchof a blink of an eye. You found yourself stilling as he did so, a sense ofemotion overcoming you that you couldn’t quite label.

“The last time I rang that numberfrom memory I was expecting it to be disconnected. However at a time when Ineeded it to work the most, you still picked up-“

That time had been two yearsprevious. When he’d phoned you as he sat at the bottom of his childhood bed,head in his hands and a closed chest that would reveal his upset to you if hedidn’t fight the burning sensation that sat heavily there.

You could almost still hear thechoked sob as he said you name, gruffly and somewhat pleading for you to justgive him five minutes of your time in your memory as if you were back there.

“Even though I didn’t recognise thenumber on the other end of the call-“

His lips twitched, “Know how much youhate that.”

“You do nothing for my anxiety, H,”you admitted, light-heartedly. It wasn’t his fault that he had to change hisphone so much because numbers leaked. The one of many downsides of fame often rearingits head in the most inconvenient ways.

“Selfishly, you do everything formine,” he admitted. He turned to look at you, as you kept your chin resting onhis chest. “I’m so selfish-“

You shook your head. “You’re seekingcomfort from a friend-“

He blinked, his expression solemn. Eyestaking you in in a way that you’d found him doing more so that day than ever. “Aftereverything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”

You didn’t want to be this close tohim and have this conversation. Usually when this kind of thing came up youwere sitting across the table from each other, far less coherent than you werenow, and definitely more than a glass of wine deep each.

With his hand now lightly pressed tothe top of your back you knew that you weren’t able to go anywhere. Not thatyou wouldn’t be able to press against his hand and him freely let you moveaway, he wasn’t like that, but just the sheer weight of it against you skin, soothingover your shoulder blades, almost made you want to stay anchored to him as youspoke.

“Loving someone and being in lovewith someone are two completely different things.”

You watched his lips downturn as youspoke. You voice heavy - almost as heavy as your eyes - resigned to the factthat this conversation was a non-starter.

“I’ve seen you in love-“

“Have yer?” You saw the way hisnostrils flared, his tone just that little bit harsher and more clipped. Hehated how assumptive and offhand you were being just as much as you did. Yet,you couldn’t help yourself.

He’d dated, a lot, sincethe two of you had drunkenly fumbled around that one Christmas and New Year’sbreak in 2014. A hidden couple of days that only the two of you knew about.Sneaking into Anne and Robins garden in the early hours, after walking homefrom the pub together, into the very same garden you were sat in now andkissing against the outside wall of his parents’ house around sheepish smilesand drunken giggles. Wandering hands that got you in a lot of trouble thatnight and a couple of scratches to your skin thanks to the friction of the wallbehind you.

Feeling young. Something that neitherof you had felt for a while, simply due to the way that London had chewed youup and spat you out, just in different extremes.

“Love looks different on differentpeople,” he was clipped as he spoke.

“Does it?”

He cut his eyes to you. They wereharsh, out of defence. His guard just as high as yours.

“I think that we find comfort in eachother that can sometimes be mistaken for love-“

“Please don’t cheapen it,” he pleaded,feebly, eyes close for a short second as he spoke.

“I don’t mean-“ you felt yourself getchoked. That was never the intention. Nothing about the two of you was cheap.“If you think I’m doing that then I’m sorry.”

He lolled his head to the side tolook at you. Eyes returning to a soft stare. “You don’t need to apologise,we’re both on the defence.”

He sighed, “I haven’t, just so youknow-“ he shuffled underneath you causing you to jolt around with him. “Been inlove. Like, I’ve-“ he coughed “got to a point where I’ve thought I could be butI’ve closed m’self off to it ‘n walked away.”

A long pause. He wanted to know if you had. Been in love, that is. Hadsomeone managed to get there before him. He knew they had but for his own self-deprecationhe needed to know.Wanted you to offer that information up by yourself, which he knew youwouldn’t.

“Have you?”

“H-“

He sighed this heavy sigh. Headfalling backwards to dig into the couch beneath him and look up towards thenight’s sky. Of course you’d been in love. You’d moved in with someone lastyear, some banker who wore suits all the time and those nice overcoats thatrivalled his. You’d thrown dinner parties together and invited friends, himbeing one of them. He’d always let you down last minute though, wanted you tofeel an ounce of that disappointment and sadness he felt for just a splitsecond with his rejection of an invite. He knew this cause when it had all gonetits up, he was the one loading up his Range Rover and driving you to Hampsteadto stay in his house while he went off to Los Angeles to record a possiblealbum track and audition for some new television pilot.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?”You asked him, noticing the way his eyes scanned above him quickly. Moving toand fro in the way that they did when he was trying to process something buthad no idea where to begin.

“Because,” he started, voice deep, “I can’t imagine this world - my world -without you in it and the thought ofsomeone else having all of you, just because I’m too much of a coward-“

Reaching for his face, you drew itdown to look at you, “Stop-“

“I am though,” he swallowed, histhroat thick as he spoke. “I can’t find the words to say what I mean, how youmake me feel-“

“You’re being way too hard onyourself during a time when you’re already having to process loads of thingsand be everything to everyone.”

He blew out a heavy sigh, a frownforming between his eyebrows.

“Stop it-“ you were harsh as youspoke, his lips twitching lightly. “Why are you smiling now?”

“Starting to sound like you’retelling me off, darlin’-“

“I bloody well am!” You were agitatedwith him now and the way he looked at you from the corner of his eye, boyishsmile on his lips.

“Need a right tellin’ off, don’t I?”He tried to pull you to him, but he’d got you to a point of annoyance that youstruggled to fall against him again. “Hey,” he coaxed “Don’t be liketha’-“

“You’re the absolute worst, d’ya knowthat?”

“Fine line, innit?” He confirmed whenhe felt you fall against him, head dropping to his chest as a bubble of a laughleft you. He chuckled too. “Love it when we bicker.”

“Thought you were more of a loverthan a fighter,” you rolled your eyes as you felt him pull you closer to hisbody, your one leg hanging in-between his as his body slouched done the back ofthe couch.

“You’d know all about tha’,” hisvoice took on a deep, suggestive tone. One that warmed you all the way through.“Wouldn’t you,” he hummed, “eh?”

He pulled you closer to him, lipsresting against your temple. “‘S’almost like we’re back there- just that littlebit older, that much more experienced.”

You smiled against his neck as hespoke, “Who’s told you that you’re any good now?”

“You did three weeks ago when youwere shaking around me after I did that thing you like regardless of us nolonger being twenty-“ you felt yourself freeze. “Is this okay? Can I go there?”