#And like I understand what they were trying to do but the main characters were so unlikeable I couldn't care what happened

[joelsmochi]

hiii my request is for the dilf neighbor series. joel and the reader try waxplay?

la petit mort - joel m.

rating: E 18+ pairing: dilf neighbor!joel x pornstar!reader summary: part five ; after asking joel an unexpected question that distorts his perception of your relationship, he decides the only way to forgiveness is through punishment. warnings: porn with plot, slightly proofread (expect errors), waxplay, rough + unprotected sex (wrap it up this valentine's season, streets are saying no more scorpios), anxiety, angst, taunting, creampie, joel's competitiveness and possessiveness gets the better of him, m + f receiving oral, smacking/slapping/spanking, recording, joel expressing affection and emotions!!!!!, i love you's wc: 5k my thoughts: happy valentine's day and also happy one year anniversary to this series! i wanted to go more in depth with character dialouge/development so i hope you guys enjoy! xoxo

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You could feel your pulse thumping inside of your neck, a bead of sweat forming at your temple that you desperately wanted to wipe away but were unable to.

While Joel paced around the room doing any and everything but touch or even look at you. You were unable to move, to reach out to him. All you could do was lie there and watch his anger slowly boil into a simmering lust that had his dick already stirring in his jeans as he prepared for what was to come next.

Your mind dwelled on the conversation that got you here…

“I wanna ask you something…” You said nervously, biting your already chewed up lip as he looked up from his book to see you standing at the door.

“Okay.”

“Just a simple yes or no, then we proceed. Deal?”

He chuckled softly and sat up in his bed, book leaving his hand to rest upon his worn nightstand.

“Go on,” he spoke once he realized it was a serious matter.

“I…” You huffed after a brief silence, itching your forehead. “I was wondering… If we could— or if I could shoot a scene with Tommy again…”

You figured the worst he could do was say no, but as his blank stare burned into your soul you knew that a no would have been much better.

And you felt stupid for even thinking it was an appropriate question to ask, but you figured Joel was more understanding of how free spirited you were or at least the simple fact that the relationship wasn’t labeled official or at the very least exclusive.

He was still silent and that was enough of an answer.

“Never—… Never mind.”

He called you back as quickly as you’d turned around, and it felt like your heart had completely given up on beating. Your throat was tight, and the attempt to clear it went unnoticed.

“Sit down.”

“Joel, can you just forget I asked—“

“Sit down.”

Joel was gutted, or at least it felt that way to him.

“Am I doing something wrong?” He asked, somehow finding enough courage to look into your eyes as he asked.

“No! No, God no. Ah shit.”

“Then what?”

“I want to? I don’t— I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“The truth.”

You grimaced, not because there was anything wrong with Joel, but because you knew your answer wouldn’t be good enough.

“I liked having sex with Tommy, and I wanna do it again with or without you.”

You found yourself regretting the words as soon as they came out and Joel’s shocked expression did nothing to ease your embarrassment.

“Fu- Joel. I didn’t mean—“

Your sentence was cut short by the door slamming behind him after he stomped away.

And that’s how you wound up tied to the bed like a fucking frog: wrists knotted to your shoulders, feet pressing against the backs of your trembling thighs.

Somehow, Joel convinced you to try this; maybe it was the guilt that boiled over from your chest to your tummy that made you eagerly agree. The sudden assumption that you weren’t exclusive seeming even more silly now.

You’d realized somewhere in the seven days of him being distant and disengaged that you’d do almost anything to make Joel happy, as he would you. No one else was worth jeopardizing what you two had, and while it may have come without a label you’d realized it wasn’t necessary. Not anymore.

Even though bondage was one of the last things that you’d ever think to put on your bucket list, it was spontaneous and a fantasy you were more than willing to fulfill for him.

“Joel,” you could just barely whisper.

He’d pretended not to hear you knowing you’d speak up if it was dire.

Your eyes bounced from the new crack on the ceiling to the dresser in the corner of his room to the back of his head. The room was beginning to smell like cheap candle wax and thick smoke. The severity of the situation suddenly becoming real for you.

You knew the nervousness simply came from a lack of interest and even bigger lack of understanding, not from not wanting to do it at all.

“Joel,” you said much more affirmatively.

“Yes, baby?” He asked once he was standing above you. He frowned when you didn’t answer as a tear dropped from your eye. “Hey, hey, we don’t have to do this,” he assured honestly.

“It’s not that.” You shook your head firmly. “I— I just need my left leg loosened up a bit.”

You could feel the nerves beginning to peak, feeling smothered by your own flesh and suffocated by your own lungs.

Joel wasted no more than half a second before he began to readjust the tough rope.

“That better?”

“Mhm.”

“You promise?”

You wanted to smile at his concerned tone but you just couldn’t.

“I know you said I had to wait but… I need a kiss. Just a quick one then I’ll be okay.”

His lips curled into a soft smile as they pressed against yours. The kiss was anything but quick. It was gentle, slow, passionate. He even slipped you a little bit of his tongue as a courtesy.

Even when the air went cold from his warm body moving away you were still comforted by his presence.

“You ready?” He asked.

He was finally standing behind the camera ready to press the little red button, waiting for your cue to do so.

“Remember what I said?”

“Yes,” you dryly said. “Be quiet unless you are speaking to me or let me make noise, use the safe word if I need to stop for any reason… Um… I think that it’s it?”

“Good.”

Beep.

He took a few more steps around the room before standing by your left leg.

You didn’t mean to gasp so loud or twitch so hard at the feeling of oil dripping onto your skin, and you’re unsure why you did it at all.

“Shh, I got you, princess,” Joel cooed as he began to massage your calf and foot.

Your nipples hardened and you could feel the cool slick that dribbled out of your pussy as you clenched around nothing.

Almost instantly your body ran hot, the lame touch of Joel’s hands rubbing into the least lucrative parts of your body somehow got you going. The wet spot on the sheets indicating just how depraved you felt after a week of no touching.

Then his hands went up your thigh, and you hummed against your lips in an attempt to keep quiet just like he asked you to. If you imagined long enough you could almost pretend his fingers were rubbing your throbbing clit instead, but as his hands maneuvered the hills and valleys of your body you realized he was willing to rub everywhere but there.

You felt like you were floating by the time he stepped away, high off of an orgasm you never had.

Your hips were aching from the position but you’d wanted to show Joel you could handle it. You figured the more you complied the easier he’d go on you, or at least the faster he’d get to being inside of you.

“Look at you… All tied up and spread open for me,” Joel said mostly to himself whilst taunting the hot candle above your navel.

His finger dragged from your belly button down to your weeping little hole and he pressed against it gently, as if he was about to insert it but teasingly chose not to.

“Who’d you make this mess for, angel?”

You let out a shaky breath. “Y-you, Joel.”

“Oh? S’that so?”

“Yes sir.”

He snickered as if he didn’t believe the pathetic pout you wore on your face.

“I promise,” you said.

He leaned his face down to yours and tilted the candle slowly, watching your pupils dilate as you watched the small bead of wax that threatened to fall.

“I think you made that mess for somebody else, hmm?” He whispered, breath blowing onto your flushed cheek.

“No, daddy, no. I promise. I promise it’s all for you.”

And yet, the glimmer in his eyes told you he would still drag it out.

He didn’t want to overwhelm you so soon, so he only let a single drop fall just below your breast.

You hissed, flexing your fingers and rolling your eyes back. The first droplet would be the worst, you assumed, but it only fueled the raging fire that was already burning in the pit of your stomach.

You needed him to touch you, to relieve the tension. To retract his promise of torture.

“Awe, I’m sorry baby. Did that hurt?” He teased. “Here, what if I did this?”

He let the hot liquid that was pooling inside of the melting candle splatter all over your abdomen with a big smile on his face.

“That help?”

You fought like hell to not cry out, huffing between your lips and using your body to release the energy instead.

Joel watched the candle paint pretty red lines and dots all over you, noticing a tear or two shed from your eyes. But you were being a good girl, not whining or screaming. You were taking it and it was the sexiest thing on Earth to him.

He put the hot candle back in its spot and cradled your head, shushing you and kissing your sweaty forehead.

“You’re doing such a good job for me, baby,” he said. “You reckon I should have manners and say thank you?”

You wondered, for just a few seconds, if it was a trick question. If you said yes would he further punish you for thinking you deserved a reward? If you said no then would he give it to you ten times harder?

Joel waited patiently for a response from you, biting back a smile when you nodded your dizzy head, moaning at the idea of finally being touched.

“You want it… Here?”

Your body shuddered when his tongue found your stiff nipple.

“Wherever you want.”

He softly moaned at your gentle voice, eyes fluttering shut as he took the rest of it into his warm mouth, tongue occasionally brushing against the coarse rope.

He began swirling his tongue round and round, using his free hand to fondle the other one and pinch the nipple gently. You hissed, neck arching off of the bed.

As moans filled your throat you tried to stop them from spilling over your lips; Joel took notice of it and began flicking his tongue just to try and break you.

You fought the noises you desperately wanted to make while your body futility writhed against the restraints. You wanted to whine and say his name, but you kept reminding yourself of his rules even though you were beginning to lose your already fickle grip on reality.

Joel pulled away just before your body got another opportunity to betray you. You could feel the twinge in your joints from being bent too long, the rope started to break skin. He was wearing you down, seeing how long it’d take you to break those “rules” of his.

Meanwhile Joel felt a bit defeated; he was certain you’d break much sooner than that at least once. But it just took one long look into your disorientated eyes for him to see how close you were to giving in.

With a smirk he then grabbed the yellow candle that had collapsed well within itself. It was a pool of torture waiting to pour all over you and drown you into submission.

He traced a finger down from your sternum to your clit massaging the sides of it gently to gain your attention.

Once he heard you happily exhale he asked, “You needed that baby? Needed daddy to touch you right here?”

“Y-yeah, ohh.”

“Feel good?”

“Yes,” you breathed.

He pouted, almost feeling sorry for making you wait.

“You poor thing. Lemme see that pretty pussy, hmm?”

Using his index finger and thumb he spread your lips apart, watching your hole clench and squeeze — begging to be filled.

He cursed beneath his breath and took his middle finger into his mouth, swiping it across his tongue lazily before slipping it into you.

He waited for you to moan, to reveal your delight, and when you didn’t he curled his finger upwards relishing in the slight little hiss he got from you.

Joel spit right where his knuckle came flesh with your entrance before shoving a second finger into you and quickening his pace. You bit your lip hard enough to draw blood, certain he was close to allotting you the privilege to moan.

Once he heard your juices squelch around his thick fingers he couldn’t help but moan himself, and he was ready to throw his rules out of the window much sooner than he expected.

But as far as being punished he was no where near done with you.

He let out a guttural moan, watching the frown on your face deepen and your chest rise and fall harder with every breath you took.

“Go’on, ngh- make some noise for me baby… Let daddy hear you—tell me how good I’m makin’ you feel.”

Just as you took in a breath to finally let out every noise you’d forced your body to silence Joel spilled every last drop of yellow wax onto your chest and stomach.

Your nails dug crescent moons into your shoulders while your throat burned from the groan you finally let out.

As the stinging from the hot liquid subsided you were finally able to open your eyes and allow your jaw to relax.

“Fuck, fuck- deeperdeeperdeeper— ye-esss! That feels so fucking good, daddy!”

Joel could feel the sweat building up on his forehead from how sexy you looked to him in this moment. He blew the candle in his hand out before discarding it lazily; his hand reached for your breast, squeezing it firmly despite it being completely coated in wax.

You felt his tongue latch onto your throbbing clit, instinctively you reached to grip his hair but the rope only dug deeper into your wrist causing a different type of burning to sear across your wounded flesh.

While you failed to conceal a single noise that desired to leave your raw throat you’d also failed to form a coherent sentence. Joel moaned onto your skin, relishing in the way your body shook from both the pleasure and the pain, ensuring his fingers kept up the pace that matched his rapacious aptitude.

The skills he possessed pushed you closer to the edge and he made sure to get you as close as possible.

“I love you, I love you! I’ll never ask for him again! Please, baby, please can I cum?”

Joel merely chuckled as he stripped his body from yours only a breath later, grin widening as he saw defeat spread across your face. You mentioning his brother seemed to bring him back to reality.

“No.”

“But- pl—“

“Shh, sh sh sh.” He leaned over your face and his smile softened. “Your punishments not done, sweetheart. But you can make all of the noises you want for me, okay? Deal.”

You weren’t sure how you felt, but you just looked into his eyes and said, “Of course.”

You couldn’t decide if you like this or not: not being the one in control was one thing, but being utterly powerless was another. And while you hated not being able to flip him on his back and make him listen to you, you loved how sure he seemed of himself for once. How he knew what he wanted you to do and say, when he wanted to hurt or comfort you. He was an entirely different person than the man who came over and felt scared to admit that he had found your porn.

So you nodded and toughened up despite the ache between your legs.

“Sure you can handle more?” He asked softly enough so that the camera wouldn’t pick the audio up. When you nodded he replied, “Good girl. I’m gonna turn you over, okay?”

Once your weight was on your knees and chin you could feel some of the wax chip away beneath you, along with your need for exploring other people. Joel was still attentive to the little things during what was meant to be your punishment. He pushed your hair away so that you could see everything before rubbing even more oil into your goosebump littered skin. He’d prioritize nothing above your comfort and that alone meant more to you than a random fuck for another check.

“Doing okay?” Joel asked making you realize you’d been silent since he repositioned you.

“Y-yeah, yeah,” you answered, swallowing the dryness in your throat away.

You watched as he picked up another candle and in the blink of an eye his dick was sprung in your face. With wide eyes you took a moment to assess your options — only one: your mouth… Which you happily opened.

“Tilt your head up a bi—therrre y’go.”

He held the hot stick of wax in his head steadily as he found a rhythm, his thighs bouncing off the edge of the bed as his tip met the back of your throat repeatedly.

Joel laughed as if the sensation was new to him, he couldn’t help but feel so fucking turned on with you beneath him like this. Your glossy eyes shone up at him like diamonds, shoulders tensing off and on again waiting for the hot liquid to drip onto your skin, and you couldn’t move.

A simply tap of your fingers or resistance from your mouth would be enough for him to stop, but you were too touch deprived to even think about the discomfort you may have been in… Too drunk off the manly taste of his dick stuffing your jaw, and if he would accept this as a good enough apology then you didn’t give a fuck.

Jolting from the sudden hot splash on your spine you accidentally tensed your jaw slightly around Joel’s cock, making him hiss but when he didn’t pull back or flinch you figured might have liked it.

So you did it again—much more carefully than before—feeling a surge of excitement when you felt it twitch against your cheek. You flicked and swirled your tongue as best as you could, watching his hip stutter from the feeling.

Spit was drooling down your cheek onto the bed, your mascara began to chip onto your cheeks smearing dark lines into the sheets, your body was wet with a warm sweat, and your pussy was absolutely soaked.

“You thinkin’ about suckin’ his cock right now? Hmm?” He smacked your protruding cheek, the one his cock currently crammed itself into, without an ounce of mercy before holding the candle dangerously close to your flesh. “Pretending my cock is his? You wanna fuck him again? Huh? Say it!”

You did your best. You really did. To answer him. But you were bound, gagged, and your neck was supporting all of your weight.

He tilted the candle without another thought allowing the yellow to stream from your shoulder blade to the small of your back. With you writhing and crying from the heat that solidified quickly he figured you’d had enough and more than deserved to be unbound.

Joel also just really wanted a fucking answer to his question.

He pulled out of your mouth, reaching for the knot and tugging it loose; once you were completely able to move again you took it slow, turning to sit on your bottom and stretching out a few limbs.

Without a word Joel held out a water bottle for you to take. You looked at him wondering what he was thinking, but his expression was unreadable. You figured he was still pissed and trying to get over it so you took the water and said a quiet thank you before taking a few sips and giving it back to him.

“How do you want me?” You asked after a few more minutes.

He blew out all of the last lit candles and came to stand between your legs; his big hands cupped either side of your face and forced you to look up at him.

“Still doing okay?” He asked quietly.

You nodded. “Mhm. I just miss you.”

His thumb smeared your single tear into your skin, then his other hand ran down your painted body breaking some of the hardened wax until he reached your clit.

“I miss you too, baby,” he whispered against your lips, dragging his finger in slow, soft circles. “Put your legs back.”

You winced at the wax crackling against your flesh but did as his said regardless. He pulled his dick into his hand stroking it languidly before using his tip to feel how wet you were.

When he felt the cool slick coating your weeping hole he chuckled, finding the desperate frown on your face amusing.

“Fuck- you’re such a pretty fucking slut,” he groaned as he sank into your throbbing cunt. His hand reached up to pinch your cheeks, and you grabbed onto his wrists for stability. “You wanna fuck my brother again, hmm?”

You shook your head profusely despite the grip he had on you. “N-n-no!”

Despite your efforts to protest against his words, you couldn’t form another sentence once he started thrusting into you.

Between his hips slapping against the back of your thighs and his dick rubbing against the most sensitive spot inside of you your mind was gone. Somewhere between here and there.

“No?” He taunted. “But you were asking for him a few days ago, weren’t you?”

You wanted to correct him, clairfy your intentions—whatever. But words were like putty to your brain, melting in every area that didn’t matter right now. It was his tone that stuck like glue. His grip on your face, the stern yet confused look he gave you, the way his rhythm never hiccuped or skipped; you didn’t think having Joel completely take charge would have you fucked out so soon, but you weren’t necessarily complaining either.

“I—“ You whined at a failed attempt to say something. “I didn’t mean it! I’m sor- I’m so fucking sorry, daddy…”

“You’re sorry?”

“Yes, yes! I’m sorry. I’ll never fucking— I’ll never ask for him again! Please, Joel I’m—“

“Who fucks you better? Huh? Me or Tommy?”

“Wha—?”

Joel grinned down at you, hand moving from your face to your hair. “Who fucks you better?”

“You— Joel, you. I lo— You fuck me better than fucking anyone.” You wrapped your trembling legs around his hips, hands clinging to his face now. “My pussy belongs to you, baby. My pussy was made for you—Joel I’m gon—“

He couldn’t stop now, not when you were so close and trying to tell him you were going to come. As tired as his hips and legs were he didn't dare stop or slow down, forcing every fiber of his being to persevere through the aches.

"Whose pussy is this, baby?” He cooed.

“Yours-“

“Who?”

“You, daddy! Fuck— aghh- you, Joel-“

“Hmm?” He brushed his nose against your skin, eyes burning into yours with conviction. “Tell me again,” he mumbled.

“Joel! I can’t—fuck! I belong to you Joel, only you, please let me-“

He carelessly slapped your face, pinching your cheeks again. “You ever fucking ask for anybody else again—“

You were frustrated and on the fucking edge, just barely hanging on. Nothing could distract you from the knots your stomach was twisting itself into. You’d do anything…

“I won’t! Iwon’tIwon’tIwon’t—please let me cum, daddy…”

Joel was quiet for a second, pretending to debate with himself but he couldn’t resist the temptation any longer.

“Thaaaat’s it,” he grunted, “you’re doing so good for me, baby. Cum for me, give it all to me.”

You tangled your fingers in his sweaty curls and pressed your body into him; with arched feet and tear-filled eyes your pussy clenched around him tighter than he’d ever felt before. It was enough to trigger his own orgasm.

As the wax crackled in and against your flesh you felt pieces of yourself fade away. You were so overcome with freedom your body convulsed and pulled him in closer, deeper.

The obscene squelching between your bodies combined with your desperate whines pushed Joel to fuck you past his own climax.

“Fuck,” he breathed out loudly into your ear, though you didn’t necessarily register it, “pussy’s fucking grippin’ me.”

He kissed away the sweat and the tears from your flushed cheeks, his pace finally having faltered to stillness. Yet without much of a thought he slid down your body, his knees hitting the floor with a thud and tongue dipping into the clear and white mixture that placed itself everywhere.

He watched your cunt ache with emptiness, then filled you back up with his cum using his thick fingers. Your legs clamped shut as he immediately curled into your g-spot, but with a wordless smack to your thigh you hesitantly spread yourself wide again.

You cried out a worthless plea that only seemed to humor him.

“You were just beggin’ for it ‘n now you want me to stop?” He chuckled.

You opened your mouth to protest. “I-ahh, fuck…” But him sucking on your clit shut you up.

With his other hand pressed into the chipped wax on your belly he held you in place.

“One more, baby please,” he moaned between licks. “I missed this pussy so much…”

His pathetic tone gave him away, his insecurities. You assured him to keep going by tugging his hair saying his name.

You allowed him the privilege of tasting you and having you in whatever way he wanted. It wasn’t like he was torturing you…anymore.

And just a few moments later you were right there again — crying, whining, arching your back off of the bed and creaming around his fingers. You tried desperately to form words but the only word that left from behind your lips was his name.

With Joel writing love letters with his tongue you felt closer to him and God than ever and to never return down to reality.

He brought his eyes up to admire your pornographic expression, all fucked up from him, and finally he felt secure again. His sucking eased up as did his sore hand and he gently pulled away.

“Shh, shh, I got you,” he whispered after climbing back in bed next to you.

He pulled you into his lap and let you come back to reality in your own time; he massaged your back and kissed your warm forehead, subtly smiling when your limbs latched around his waist.

“You did such a good job, baby,” he praised, and you could only hum in response. “Did such a good job.”

“Thank you, baby,” you mumbled.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you… I’m sorry fo—“

“Shh shh shh… We’ll talk later, babygirl. How ‘bout we just get you cleaned up? Yeah? Okay.”

You were carried by him while he turned the dying camera off and then to the bathroom where he helped you pick off some of the wax after drawing a bath.

“I didn’t hurt you too bad now, did I?” He asked, grimacing when some of the wax was being stubborn.

“No,” you told him honestly. “I liked it, it was fun.”

He smirked at your reflection. “Yeah? Well listen, I don’t wanna have to do that again. Not unless you ask.”

“I’ll do my best to behave Mr. Miller,” you half joked.

“Uh-huh. M’sure you will. Come on the tubs ready.”

You sank into the hot water, hissing at the change kn temperature.

“I’ll, uh, change the sheets and then I’ll get in with ya… Okay?”

“Okay,” you smiled.

He took a few minutes to collect himself in the bedroom, wondering if he was being too harsh on you over a simple question. Though, it wasn’t really simple to him.

He felt he should have known or expected you to want Tommy again, or even someone else. While he wasn’t exactly fond of the idea he also knows that you have a job to ensure the security of.

You typically weren’t a woman to ask for a man’s permission when it came to anything, so the fact that you came to him meant more than he was initially willing to admit. And after your level of endurance today he saw how much more committed to him than you were to making content, so maybe… He could let it slide.

He found his way back to you soon enough and sat behind you as promised, smiling down at you when you looked up to him.

“I don’t even know why I asked,” you said after a tense moment of silence.

“I do,” he replied. “You weren’t wrong to ask me, sweetheart.”

“Maybe, but the way I worded it made it sound like… I dunno, like I didn’t want you anymore. And that’s not true. I shoulda… I should have known that—“

“You make porn, it’s not like you’re just asking to cheat on me,” he chuckled. “Well, it kinda is, but—“

“Stop,” you groaned and smacked his arm when he laughed.

“I get it. You have an audience to entertain, and I knew you weren’t tryin’ to toss me aside. It was the way you worded it, but I knew what you meant. And I’m sorry for holding out on you.”

“Joel, if I lost you over that… I don’t… I wouldn’t want anyone else.”

Nodding, he wrapped his arms around you and kissed your temple. “I know. I know. That’s why I’m willing to negotiate.”

“I don’t need that anymore,” you affirmed.

“I know, but… It was kind of fun. Maybe not Tommy again, but someone else?”

“I’ll think about it,” you promised. “But for now you and I need to make up for lost time, wouldn’t you say?”

“How can I say no to that face?”

His Punishment Felt Like a Reward...

577K Views | 97% | 2 Days Ago | ♡ 889

a/n: sorry it took five whole months to get this request done, but i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did! xo love you

[hairscare]

as someone who has used a cane for over 2 years now ive noticed a really interesting bias against canes by able bodied people in comparison to other mobility aids. when we were at the same college my roommate used forearm crutches and i had my cane, and it became a joke to us how much more helpful and accommodating people were towards him (of course still overall bad- but better). the main example we always talk about is that people would fall over themselves to help him with doors, even to the point that it would get inconvenient (like trying to open the door to the accessible bathroom for him but in the process standing in the bathroom), meanwhile people would let doors shut on me without batting an eye. he started using a cane recently so i asked him about if there was a difference in how people treated him and he said there was a noticable difference and that people were less eager to help him when he was using it in comparison to the crutches. i have a few theories as to why:

1. most canes you see in media being used by someone who isnt elderly are aesthetic canes, and so people dont take it as seriously if a younger person is using one

2. unlike a lot of mobility aids, canes are one handed, which gives the illusion of an extra hand free. what people dont understand is that yes, while i do have an extra hand free, i am using that hand double time since the other one is occupied. also a lot of things require two hands (especially for someone with a disability) so doing everything one handed can be tough. i use my dominant hand to hold my cane since my pain is worse on my left side, which means that the hand i do have free isnt one i can use to type things in or write, so if i need to do that i have to put my cane under my arm and use my right hand

3. canes are taken less seriously as mobility aids since to an able bodied person they dont look as severe, which gives the impression that cane users are more capable than other mobility aid users. while yes, it is true that canes can be a starter mobility aid that will eventually be traded for another type as symptoms progress, that doesnt mean that canes are for Disability Lite. me and my roommate used our mobility aids for similar reasons and have had very similar pain experiences, we just used different aids. canes are also a significantly cheaper option compared to other aids and are easier to find in stores, and so are much more accessible. besides all that though, there shouldnt even be a bar for how disabled a person needs to be to recieve help, which id argue is a very controversial opinion to have anymore

4. canes are still a joke. they are still widely used as a funny prop to indicate that someone is old, incapable and feeble. even on tumblr i still see people utilizing canes in this way in artwork and memes, and thats obviously very alienating. mobility canes arent props, and you probably should not draw someone with one unless you actually intend to have that character need it

in my short 2 years of using a cane i have already faced so much ableism, most of which has come from young left leaning people. of course theres a wider issue of disabled people being the odd group out in the effort to stop bigotry since literally everyone will punch down on us. there are also certainly privileges to using a cane compared to other mobility aids. but its also incredibly strange how invisible they are, like people forget that i have one for a reason

[meizimao]

Rhapsody in a Rainy Night

Main Pairing: Jason Todd(Red Hood) x Reader

Secondary Pairings: Dick Grayson x Reader, Tim Drake x Reader

All pairings end in a bittersweet or tragic ending (BE).

You can also read this on my ao3🌹

Warning: Major Character Death

“Darling, can you grab the ketchup for me?” You shot a glance at Jason, sprawled across the sofa without even a twitch of effort. This guy was useless sometimes.

“Jason~ I really can’t get to the fridge right now~” You stretched the last word out, hoping for any sign of life. Still nothing. With a soft sigh, you padded over to the other side of the kitchen, only to catch sight of him glued to the TV, furiously mashing buttons on his controller.

“All you ever do is play games…” you grumbled under your breath, your frustration bubbling up as you returned to the stove.

“Dinner’s ready. Come eat while it’s hot.” The slight edge in your tone was unmistakable, but your actions betrayed you. You heaped Jason’s bowl with spaghetti, nearly overflowing it, as if worried the bottomless pit that was Jason Todd might go hungry.

“So, aren’t you going home for Thanksgiving?” You sat across from Jason, twirling a forkful of spaghetti. A bit too salty.

“I’m not going back.” Jason’s reply was flat. He poked at the pasta a few times before setting down his fork. “Too salty. I don’t want it.”

“Hey! You—” You stared, stunned, as Jason pushed his chair back and walked off. The door slammed shut before you even registered what had happened. “Wait… you…”

By the time the reality hit you, your cheeks were already wet with tears. You sat motionless, gazing at the empty chair across from you, watching steam slowly curl from the spaghetti.

“You said you wanted spaghetti…” You muttered under your breath. He had dragged you into the kitchen earlier, all excited, saying how much he missed your cooking. Now? Now he was gone.

You quietly finished your plate, while Jason’s untouched bowl sat cold and forgotten. You wrapped it in plastic wrap—it would make a decent lunch tomorrow.

Washing dishes, drying them… everything became a mechanical routine. Your mind wandered back to Jason, to how he used to insist on helping with the chores. He’d smile as he grabbed the dish towel from your hands, teasing you for being too slow. And now? Now, he was nowhere to be found.

Sliding down to the floor, you leaned against the closed door, your head thudding softly against it, again and again. He could hear you. You knew he could. Jason would come out. He had to come out and stop you.

“Tim, Y/N’s hurting herself again,” Tim said into the comm, his eyes glued to the screen. He had been watching you all night—watching you cook, watching you talk to the empty air, watching the tears stream down your face. No one could understand how much it broke him. He never should have let you go to that bastard. Promises of forever? What a joke. Jason had left you all alone.

“I’m on my way.” Dick Grayson tucked his Nightwing suit carefully beneath his shirt. You didn’t need Nightwing tonight—you needed Dick.

He’d been standing outside your door all day. He hadn’t planned to see you, but fate had other ideas.

Did he want to see you? Of course he did. But not like this. Seeing you in so much pain felt like someone carving deep wounds into his heart, one tear at a time.

Ding-dong— It had to be Dick, right? He was the only one who ever showed up at your door. You wiped your tears quickly, trying to compose yourself, before stiffly getting up to open it.

“Hey.” The door opened just a crack, and sure enough, it was Dick. “What are you doing here?”

“I was on my way home from work and thought I’d stop by to check on you.” The lie slipped off Dick’s tongue easily, though the truth was he hadn’t been to work at all today. He just didn’t want you to worry. He gave you what he thought was a comforting smile, but before he could say anything else, it quickly faded away.

“You’ve seen me, I’m fine. You can go now.” You gently but firmly rejected his request to come in. “Jason’s not in a good mood today. You should leave.”

Jason. It always came back to him. But Dick couldn’t bring himself to confront the truth that Jason was dead. The last time Tim tried to explain it to you, he told you that the “Jason” you were seeing was just a figment of your imagination. But that revelation had driven you into a frenzy, leaving you to harm yourself. Tim had held you tightly, but you couldn’t stop screaming and shouting. In the end, he had to use medication to make you fall into a deep sleep.

When you woke up, you seemed like a completely different person. From that point on, Jason’s death became a taboo subject, something no one dared mention. Tim had been cast aside, labeled an “unwanted guest,” turned away at the door. Even when you saw him, you wouldn’t meet his eyes.

At least Tim could still be near you, talk to you. But Dick wanted more than that. He didn’t just want to be around, he wanted to hold you, to comfort you in any way he could, to soothe the brokenness in your heart.

But you wouldn’t let him do it.

“Alright, take care of yourself. I’ll come back tomorrow,” Dick said, his voice soft as he stepped back from the door, watching helplessly as you disappeared from his sight. He had hoped to stay on the rooftop across the street, keeping watch over you, but duty called in Blüdhaven. He had no choice but to leave Gotham.

Meanwhile, in the Batcave, Tim sat in front of his computer, his eyes bloodshot from countless sleepless nights, finally finding the answer to the question that had haunted him. His fingers trembled as he pressed the play button on the security footage.

Time rewound—the fateful night, the day Jason had sacrificed himself.

In the footage, the man and woman stood in the rain, neither of them holding an umbrella. It seemed like they were arguing about something. The man was holding the woman’s hand, trying to stop her from leaving, but in response, she slapped him hard across the face.

The man appeared shocked, not expecting her to hit him. He stood there, motionless, watching her walk away.

He remained rooted to the spot for a full ten minutes, the rain blurring the camera lens, obscuring his expression. Then, he bent down and picked up the red helmet that the woman had thrown on the ground. He dusted it off, placed it on his head, and turned to leave.

That was the last time Tim saw Jason.

The rest, as everyone knows, was history—Jason died, and you fell gravely ill. When you woke up, it was as if you didn’t even remember what had happened. You were convinced that Jason wasn’t dead. Every day, you would cook for him, setting the table as if nothing had changed, speaking to the empty room as if he were still there.

Bruce called in magic experts to examine the situation, but they found no traces of any ghost or supernatural presence. The conclusion everyone arrived at was simple: you were sick.

Y/N, why did you get sick?

It was a question that Tim couldn’t stop thinking about, a question that gnawed at him day and night. But it wasn’t until he watched the footage that the answer hit him like a cold wave.

Y/N, were you punishing yourself? Were you blaming yourself for that slap? The thought made Tim’s heart race, his hands shaking as he quickly rewound to your home’s surveillance footage. But what he saw was nothing—just an empty room and an open window.

For a moment, Tim’s breath caught in his throat. Without wasting another second, he jumped from his chair and rushed out, but not before alerting Dick.

“Dick! Y/N’s gone!”

It started to rain, the wind howling fiercely.

You pulled your black coat tighter around your neck, but your mind kept wandering to the figure walking ahead—Jason. Would he catch a cold in this weather? But then you reminded yourself, he was one of Gotham’s toughest vigilantes. A little chill wouldn’t bring him down.

“Jason, where are you going?” You asked, but he had just tossed you a “follow me” before heading out the door. No matter how many times you asked, he wouldn’t answer. You had no choice but to quicken your pace, fearing you might lose him.

As you walked, the path beneath your feet started to feel eerily familiar. It was as if you had walked this same road countless times before. You glanced at the street sign nearby—

“Gotham Cemetery.”

“Jason?” You hesitated for a second, but by the time you looked up, the tall figure in front of you had vanished without a trace. “Jason? Where are you?” Your voice cracked with desperation, like a lost soul searching for its love.

You ran into the cemetery, frantically looking for the familiar figure, weaving between the cold, lifeless tombstones. But no matter how hard you searched, you couldn’t find Jason. Exhausted, you collapsed to the ground, crying in the pouring rain. As you lifted your head, you saw the familiar name.

“Jason Todd.”

When Dick and Tim arrived, they found your frail body lying next to your lover’s grave. The wilted white roses intertwined with the black coat, blending into the rain-soaked ground.

You would never be apart again.

The end.

Hello everyone, this is a translation of my own work. The original was written in Chinese, and since I am not a native English speaker, I hope the translation isn’t too difficult to understand. I hope you enjoy my work ❤️

[vaniliens]

Long ass opinions / critiques on milgram under the cut before t3 actually hits

Im not even that mad / hateful of mlgrm at all tbh & I think & hope you can tell that from the fact that my main gripe with it isnt really "This project was awful from start to finish it never should've happened" but rather "There were better (& Arguably easier) ways to tell this story & get the point across"

i understand 100% why they thought, on paper, why this would've been a cool project to work on and It Is!! They did their best, i really love how it takes inspiration from the vocaloid community from the abstract symbolism filled MV's, the deco covers, how theres an interconnected story, and the potential of community guesswork & discussion of what this song and/or MV means. I might be a bit biased bc i got into it after being dissapointed in how lacking the virtual singers / vocaloid [community] feels in project sekai besides the commissioned songs but overall i think its really cute, even if its technically just what art as a whole is about 😭 You know, making you engage & think about The Implications. Getting the inspo from the voca synth community allows the project to stand out bc of how its presented. Its unique, its fresh, it keeps you on your toes.

I love how it (tries) to tackle well known & relevant issues in japan (& tbh the rest of the world), like ableism, misogyny, child abuse, call-out culture, homophobia, the entire prison system, etc. and how the victims and perpetrators react to it. Its very interesting. Its very clearly trying to humanize & sympathize even the "worst of the worst", and i appreciate how its one of the main themes in the story even if some of the audience didnt quite catch it. Its showing how simply punishing people who did wrong isnt the answer. Like theres SOOOO much nuance to unpack both in universe with the crimes & prisoners and in a meta sense through the way the story is presented, the way the audience reacts, the discussions, thoughts, developments, etc. Its so cool. They've clearly put a lot of effort into it.

At its core the Milgram Project has always been less about solving the crimes and more about asking the audience "Why do YOU think X happened?" Its basically a bunch of character studies!! You're peering through their hearts, examining their own version of the truth of their crimes, and drawing your own conclusions based on that raw, intrusive data that the system has given you. Aagh.

Unfortunately in my own humble opinion all these elements combined is exactly why it doesn't work as well as it could've And arguably should've for a project all about seeing the good or at least understanding eachother.

It asks "Why did X did it?" but it doesnt give us a platform to actually state Why they did it in any way, only to answer & play into the prisons b&w thinking, and you cant in any way reverse any of their verdicts once its been casted. And thematically it works. I mean its about a warden in a prison full of people who have taken lives, its doing its job to mirror the reality of real life Innocent (No punishment or otherwise legal consenquence) vs Guilty (Punish) verdicts, legally or non officially, as it should. But idk it doesnt really Help us understand why a character comitted their sin. It only introduces downwards spirals, which only makes the characters less willing to provide their actual motive(s) as time goes on. I get that the main thing its criticizing is the legal & prison system but its getting in the way of sympathizing with "Bad" people. Which again IS the point, thats EXACTLY what the prison system does and why its so harmful, it dehumanizes people to hell and boils down their entire personhood to "Guilty" but like???? It doesnt really provide an Out, or anything more Productive to think about. WHICH IS THE POINT & I KNOW THAT BUT IT KINDA FEELS LIKE IN THE END THERES REALLY NOTHING YOU CAN DO WHICH IS PRETTY NIHILISTIC???

Its like "Theres no point in examining why these people are the way they are bc everyones gonna suffer no matter which button you press in the end!! No you cant gain deeper optional insight either bc we're permanently rolling with THIS now." and what doesnt help are the extra contents like the voice dramas & interrogation questions where the characters themselves add more fuel to the fire by threatening eachothers or the wardens lives??? and it leads to people discussing 'Which Verdicts to Vote [to minimize the in universe damage so these fictional definitely-not-representatives-of-real-life-issues-&-its-consequences characters can be safe]' instead of 'Actual Insightful Character Analysis [to help eachother find our own conclusions no matter what it is & to improve ourselves as a person through examining fictional scenarios]' and it leads to COMPLETELY unproductive discussions and flame wars and its so upsetting to see.

Its fucking tearing itself (& the fandom) apart by making ITSELF perpetuate the black & white "Theres a CORRECT answer to this EXTREMELY morally gray & heavily nuanced situation!!!" thinking for the sake of criticizing (More like making a parody of) the prison system. Like wow who would've thought that the system designed so that literally everyone in it is turned into mere "GOOD" VS "BAD" caricatures of themselves would be a good sytem to EXAMINE PEOPLES COMPLICATED LIVES with. Does that make sense. Like isnt it ironic how what we call "Meta voting" is, in the end, more about these fictional characters lives than it is about us, as the actual living breathing audience who are capable of accepting things outside the dichotomy and are able to self reflect before its too late? us, the humans whos lives are more fragile and thus require more care from eachother than mere 2d drawings? Isnt that so ironic

AND I WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR I GENUINELY, WITH ALL (or none in this case) OF MY HEART, DON'T AND CAN'T EVEN BLAME ANYONE WHO META VOTES. BECAUSE THE PRISON. THE PROJECT ITSELF. ENCOURAGES IT. AND IN THIS TRIAL AND EVEN THE PREVIOUS ONE WITH KOTOKO'S BEATINGS, PROVES THAT IT HOLDS WATER. MORE THAN ANY CHARACTER ANALYSIS. MORE THAN GENUINELY UNDERSTANDING WHERE THESE CHARACTERS ARE COMING FROM.

And the beautiful thing about it is that theres ALSO a discussion to be made about this, intentional or not, about how our actions weigh more than our thoughts / feelings which is ofc correct. This also ties in it with its theme, of taking people's lives and under what conditions is it considered something "Neutral" (even "Positive / Good") vs "Punishable" and ofc also the punishing & restraining that comes with getting a guilty verdict part, an action that leads to someone else's forced in-action.

Still though, in what way does this really help support the Actual Main Theme, which is understanding eachother / the prisoners, people who youve seen arguably the worst of? Its grappling between wanting to make the audience GENUINELY THINK and self reflect vs a show about people going through hell and you CAN be both but again!! with way milgram is run, because of the active audience participation it needs & encourages & the way it boxes the audience into these 2 choices, it was always going to snowball & sway more to the latter. Its becoming less of a thinkpiece & more just a shocking spectacle where everything is in "Superhell"

"Oh anyone can die in this prison if the audience messes up badly enough" do you think thats a good way to send your message. Just kill off a character whos arc wasnt even finished yet. When their deaths only serve to make things worse and thus more shocking and "High Stakes"? When their deaths are only punishing the audience who wanted to understand everyone in the prison by

1. forever 'Locking' said dead character(s) out of any new developments

2. Possibly make things more muddy & unclear in the trial, as the rest of the characters would be affected by the death(s) and would most likely close themselves off even more to cope with the trauma?

And. Like. Again I cant even get that mad bc can you blame the writers when theyre all forced to write shit on the fly based on OUR unpredictable reactions??? Ex. Did they expect Amane to get a guilty in the 1st trial despite the sympathetic MV which features a child repeatedly being abused?? They also have to choose and try to balance between making the horror of the situation clear while also providing a way for these present horrors to bring out the characters past crime. Its so complicated.

I really really hate how this happened. Please. If milgram had no audience participation and if it was instead just a linear story or 2 this wouldn't have happened.... everything would've been in the writer's control and thus we would've been guaranteed a more fulfilling story even if it lacks the explicit audience complicity to the violence & abuse. See: come on man, THE OFFICIAL PREQUEL NOVELS.

Alternatively, seeing as the trial 3 curtain call is LITERALLY called 'Route: Your [Curtain] Call,' implying that there were other routes we could've went on, it could've been a video game or better yet a visual novel. Then we'd be able to fully explore the characters as much as we want, even if, by resetting the game multiple times to get the routes to FULLY understand these charaters, it lessens the emotional impacts the deaths will have.

I dunno man i just wish it didnt get this complicated I just wish it was presented better....

"So what do you think happened? Was this justified or not?" I dont know man we're busy making sure people dont die so we dont miss out on any new info even though the act of 'making sure people dont die' is making us Waste the opportunities we have to get said new info. WE'RE in storytelling superhell.

[theblasianwitch]

@creatingblackcharacters Is currently hosting an event for Black History Month. And I for one am so for it!!

Please have a look if you'd like to learn more about their challenge and participate

Not sure who to tag as I'm not sure how many people I know on here are artists or writers, but if you make things of any kind you can still participate. @crazycatsiren @thecomfywriter @venusrrvelez

For my contribution (the word feels wrong but my brain doesn't know what word to use at the moment): Szar Rei Ra, Jay Benu, Anthony Benu, Bora, Fiona Ra, and Xana.

In my series "Different Yet Same" I have many characters of varrying backgrounds. Everyone's background, upbringing, family history, and culture are as diverse as they are. I'm going to describe all of them, but put certain emphasis on one's I feel embody Black History and have something to offer in terms of being more culturally sensitive and understanding.

Szar Rei Ra is the main male character in my story. Without spoiling too much, he is a descendant of the Egyptian God Ra and has a heart for the people that was noticed and taken advantage of. Realizing and breaking away from that leads him into making a community of diverse individuals to help him with his role as an important figure for the future of the world on a whole.

Fiona Ra is Szar's older sister who was quite literally bound to the body and whims of a man via a curse placed by their older brother. She was released once the old patriarchal system was destroyed and is now trying to live life and use her divinity to help others while recovering from her trauma.

Jay and Anthony Benu are a married gay couple. Jay is from Libya and Anthony is from a secret society deep within West Africa. The creatures they are are based off of are from various African mythology but would be recognized, I hope, by my future readers from certain pop media of the 2000s where these creatures were white washed and Asian coated. The creatures they are heavily impact their outlook on life as Jay is more protective and pessimistic and Anthony is a symbol of life, prosperity and safety and is very optimistic. They serve as a hidden Easter egg to educate others on the origins and true nature of the creatures they are.

Bora is an intersex demi god who's upbringing led them to isolate themselves from society. In my second book they are forced to face the fact that they are one of the few gods on earth allowed to actually do anything for the people who have and still are suffering from the African Slave Trade and African Diaspora. The second book is very heavy on humanity suffering the consequences of their actions via divine intervention and having to come to terms with what they do and a need to change.

Xana is a North African bouda, a hyena shifter of African folklore and mythology, sometimes called a werehyena. Her story is part of the second book as well. Hyenas are a very female led and dominate species so her character and her people are used to show the determination and strength of Black women and just how much women do for society. Her people are one of the few matriarchal societies throughout the series.

I do hope people give my story the chance when it's first book is released in April. As a mixed race person who has suffered from all ends of my spectrum it serves to show just how connected we all are and to remind people of the humanity that exists within all of us. "There is nothing in this world that humanity hasn't done to another human." That is a quote that has stayed with me throughout my life as it is repeated quite a lot by my mother whenever injustice happens. World history, TRUE world history proves that and shows why so many people seem afraid of another set of people. Fear drives people more than anything, but we should not need to fear each other because we all bleed red; we all live on the same earth; we all are capable of the same emotions and therefore capable of both love and hate. All my life I've chosen love and only suffer from those who don't.

[naggingatlas]

'thats not his role in the story!' hm i wonder what the point of it is then. hm i wonder what the dead pixel scene means. hm i wonder what wrong organ are trying to say with the context of 'awesome male friendship' and 'corporate hell where the only woman onboard is constantly under ridicule, abused or forcibly forgotten yet is the catalyst' if not this. hm i wonder how curly's physical agony being a direct parallel to anya's mental agony, stripped of voice, agency, just like her, and being forced to watch what happens while not doing jack shit, just like he used to, plays a part in this. i wonder what the moral of him being the final girl says about living with the consequences of your inaction, because of sentimentality, because of status, career and social. hm i wonder whatever the fuck this game was trying to say. hm i wonder what else is on this person's blog Oh Lord there's yaoi penice.

[chimerafeathers]

there's an essay jumbled up in my brain about dunmeshi's beginning and how clever and deceptive it is as a sleight-of-hand trick that distracts the audience from the depth and scope of the worldbuilding and foreshadowing that's being set up the entire time by dangling zany characters and wacky dishes and biology fun facts in front of us, and how that serves to catch invested viewers off guard when those elements come to the forefront, but also how it works against it with other viewers wanting "more" and not seeing it because the plot bait isn't laid out up front

how people getting frustrated with the characters "not taking things seriously" is mirrored and refuted in the confrontation between Laios and Shuro. how the characters' attitudes aren't just a result of shallow low-stakes "comedy rules" where nothing matters, but are an extension of their personalities (Laios's nonstandard expression of emotions being offputting even to people he knows) and the world and social environment (adventurers being desensitized to death and injury because resurrection magic is commonplace). the way the party refers to "saving Falin" instead of "retrieving Falin's corpse," indicating that they still see her with full personhood, and how that phrasing leads to some readers/viewers believing that Falin is alive in the dragon's stomach, conscious of being slowly digested while the party carelessly fucks around "wasting time." how the weird tonal dissonance makes sense in-universe and yet is deliberately challenged more and more the deeper the party goes

all the character building and pieces of lore slowly weaving together the shape of the larger world, laying the groundwork for the major themes that will surface later. so much is right there in the "low-stakes" early episodes if you know what you're looking for (or pass the perception checks).

it can be so satisfying to see new viewers/readers pick up on the clues even in the earliest "simple" episodes, or notice new things and make connections yourself....and it can also be frustrating to see people dismiss oddities and dissonance as shallow or bad writing because they don't expect a "cooking anime" to have depth like that. why try to question and understand and peel back the layers when you don't expect there to be any layers?

why can't laios take things seriously for once?

[cathodic-clairvoyant]

There's a lot about discussion of hdwr that baffles me (not all discussion to be clear, because i do think there's a lot of good discussion about hdwr. But equally so are there the ones that make you wonder if you're reading the same story) and I think one that is especially annoying is the constant infantilization of miwa as this passive eternal victim. It drives me up a wall because this is quite literally an issue she's struggled with within the text of the story! She had an arc about how she dislikes how people treat her this way like towards the beginning of the story! And like even ignoring that, this story is about like nuanced and realistic portrayals of being in relationships and learning how to navigate them and so it's like what's the point if you're going to immediately reduce the characters to "the victim" and "the victimizers?" Is that even interesting? Is that a useful lens to look at interpersonal relationships?

[magnusmodig]

ovo whispers menacingly abt his grandstanding .

[asleepinawell]

every time i overhead smash something with my giant hammer i imagine it's this pop up

[lgbtlunaverse]

Could someone tell me where the interpretation that, in book canon, the promotion Nie Mingjue gives Meng Yao made Meng Yao's life worse than it was before, came from?

I have seen that claim made multiple times now and I've looked at the text over and over trying to see where the basis for it is and I. Can't find it? Don't get me wrong, it absolutely spells out that it does not and cannot fix everything for Meng Yao, but the idea that it was actively bad for him?

Lacking other evidence, I kind of have to assume that it comes from cql canon being sort of projected backwards onto book canon. In cql canon, meng yao is suffering active and explicit bullying and abuse from the captain while under the nie, and does so because the capain believes he has risen above his station via nmj's promotion of him. (In book canon this... isn't happening. It happens with the captain in Langya instead) However, in cql canon he has also been with the nie for years and is openly close to both Nie Mingjue and Nie Huasiang, whereas in book canon he has only been working with nie mingjue for a few months (though has, in that time, apparently become close enough to him for Lan Xichen to explicitly state Meng Yao is able to calm nmj down in ways no one else can? Ofc he does this... Right after that stops being true. But. Food for thought. Not what this post is about tho.) So, if you project the much more explicit abuse from the nie sect captain in cql back on novel jgy who has a presumably much less stable position in the sect overall you get... a meng yao for whom the promotion only means a bigger target on his back and virtually no protection from nmj, who we must assume he can't trust to talk to his about because he never mentions it. (This also explicitly violates book canon when it comes to meng yao's general behaviour, we'll talk about that in a sec)

And look. We all do frankencanon in this house. I get it. And for fanfiction that is very fun. But for a serious reading of the character, his situation, and the actions that lead from that this... doesn't make much sense, in my opinion.

So. Why is that? Why did I say this was out of character for the novel? Because Meng yao spoke up about the jin captain mistreating him. Multiple times! It's just that none of it mattered because no one cared to listen to him. This is a pretty important line for his character because it flatly shows that meng yao is not and has never seen murder as something trivial. He's not trigger happy. He will only do it if he sees no other way out that doesn't end in himself being seriously harmed. (Whether he's right or justified in these cases is not the point of this post.)

If anything remotely similar was happening in the Nie sect, he would have said so. Cql Meng Yao doesn't do this because cql Meng Yao is a different character, and also the plot wouldn't work if he did. Cql Nie Mingjue, by extension, comes off as a fundamentally less trustworthy figure in cql Meng Yao's life because apparently for whatever reason, he cannot be trusted with the information that the deputy he has already publicly defended is still being harassed, and doesn't notice even when it is really blatant. The assumtpion the audience is given is that, like a middle schooler getting the principal involved when being bullied, it would only make the harassment more viscious.

This... actually has a somewhat solid basis in the book. Because after nmj yells at the bullies in question Wei Wuxian says this.

And it is important to keep in mind that this is Wei Wuxian saying this. Not Meng Yao, not an omniscient narrator. Wei wuxian is drawing on his own experiences, likely from the Jiang family, to conclude that if someone is angry at you and thwarted by someone defending you, this generally does not make them less angry at you.

This is leaving out two crucial things, though.

Firstly, this worry isn't about the promotion at all.

The promotion hasn't even been brought up. In the novel it doesn't ctually happen immediately, it takes another few battles where meng yao continues to do his job well and nie mingjue continues praising him for him to eventually go "yeah, you deserve a raise."

This is another aspect that is being projected from cql canon onto book canon I presume, because it does happen quite quickly there, and it's a throwaway line in the books so it's easy to miss. I can't be mad about anyone forgetting the difference, but it is important to mention for this particular analysis.

Which is the second point: change in status

Wei Wuxian couldn't exactly change status within the Jiang family. (And if he could, that would just fuel rumours that he was jfm's bastard even more and make madam yu even angrier at him, etc etc.)

This isn't comparable to Meng Yao. The worry Wei Wuxian is talking about is explitly about Nie Mingjue's initial very loud defense of him. Before he has any idea Nie Mingjue is going to promote him.

Promoting him would likely decrease his chances of cultivators coming after him because now he was in a higher standing in the sect than they were. If applied to that earlier metaphor of middle school bullying it's like if the bullied kid suddenly got hired as a teacher. Which. Doesn't work with the metaphor at all. Touché. But what I am trying to say is that any payback they would have planned for him relied on the fact that they could make sure that Nie Mingjue wasn't going to be within very convenient earshot a second time, and as a random disciple Meng Yao couldn't just go complain to him every time.

But as his right hand man? Who spends most of his time working directly alongside him? Lmao. Good luck. Oh, sure, it is very likely that they feel offended a son of a whore has been raised in status above them, and many will continue to do so as jgy rises through cultivation society (in fact, Wei Wuxian's observations are absolutely on point for how Madam Jin will be treating jgy later on). But as we can also see from the way jgy is treated and how he treats others throughout the story: you can be upset all you want, but if that person is higher than you in status there's jack shit you can do about it.

If I am correct and Wei Wuxian is basing this on his experiences with the Jiang family, it makes sense why he'd miss this. Madam Yu gets to be way angrier at Jiang Fengmian as his wife than some random disciples can be at Nie Mingjue. Insulting Meng Yao, suggesting that he didn't deserve his promotion or that he earned it through less than proper means (you know who is mother is) is also an insult to Nie Mingjue and the way he chooses to run his sect. They can't do that.

Another thing I see brought up in this regard would be the tea scene. There may be no explicit harassment like in the show, but cultivators still don't respect him! The disrespect is just quieter and more subtle.

Tiny detail: these are actually not Nie cultivators

They're cultivators Lan Xichen is escorting with him, making a pitstop in heijan.

The book confirms this by basically outright stating that this is the first time they see his face, and recognize him as Jin Guangshan's bastard son.

Now, just because there is no proof that it happened doesn't mean it definitely never happened. Mdzs is a novel that often leaves stuff out or up to interpretation. Similar stuff to the tea situtation could very well be happening in the background. But I do think it is pretty significant that there is no mention whatsoever of Meng Yao having any negative treatment from Nie cultivators betwen him and Nie Mingjue meeting and him executing them while spying for Wen Ruohan, and the most we get is Wei Wuxian's personal speculation, after which he immediately goes to wax poetic about how surprised he is that Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue are getting along super well.

And, again, novel Meng Yao would have said something. He doesn't say anything about the tea scene. - Or? Does he? Notably 3zun have some very long in depth conversations that Wei Wuxian zones out from because he's busy thinking about Lan Zhan again. But let's not rely on what-ifs. Let's say that neither he nor Lan Xichen find it worth bringing up. Major reasons for that would be that a) these are not nie cultivators, nie mingjue wouldn't really have the authority to scold them. Especially because b) it's such a subtle offense it could easily be handwaved as coincidence. "They just always brush their cups clean like that!! It's wartime you know, and they were traveling! They're used to drinking from vessels that aren't thoroughly washed everytime! It's just a habit!" And would therefore not be worth reporting.

But anything worse than that? A "price tens or hundreds of times greater" like wwx mentions? He'd report it! I do understand that "well if it was happening why didn't he say something?" would, in real life, be victim blaming. This is not real life, and I am not talking about this in a matter of blame. If Meng Yao was being mistreated in the Nie and stayed silent about it, it would still not be his fault. I am talking about this in a manner of character consistency.

His admission of seeking help in the Jin sect shows that at that time and prior to it (a very good argument can be made that he loses faith in this idea) he believes that if he is being mistreated and someone with the authority to say something about it takes his side, things can improve. If Nie Mingjue standing up for him in Qinghe only made things worse, he would not have tried to ask for help in an even more hostile environment. You can call Meng Yao many things, but naïve isn't one of them.

Meng yao's later habit of completely isolating himself and lying to everyone around him comes from the fact that revealing his suffering would mean explaining several horrible things he's become complicit in and he does not feel safe admitting to that. But he's done nothing wrong here!

The reading where he says nothing would imply an either correct or incorrect belief in Meng Yao's eyes that Nie Mingjue did not much care for his wellbeing or safety. Oh sure he defended him once but doing so again multiple times would be such a bother. This also contradicts his later behaviour, where he banks solely on Nie Mingjue's protective instincts to seal his qi and escape during the confrontation in Langya. After having been caught murdering a man, he is still convinced Nie Mingjue will immediately try to help him when he is in serious danger.

And even if you very badly want to characterize Nie Mingjue as a blundering idiot who is apparently less trustworthy in Meng Yao's eyes than the jin cultivators who had already resoundly rejected him by the time he tries to ask for help with the langya captain. He doesn't say anything to Xichen either! Lan Xichen, who has explicitly and exhaustively been portrayed as kind and understanding to Meng Yao's circumstances and very willing to talk to Mingjue if Meng Yao wants something from him he doesn't otherwise think he'd get. The conversation Mingjue overhears where Meng Yao's new position in the Nie is explictly brought up would be kind of the perfect time to go "yeah I've been promoted but I'm not treated well by other soldiers" aaaand. Nothing. So unless you come to the conclusion that Meng Yao trusted the Jin he told about the captain's abuse more than Lan Xichen you kind of have to conclude that Meng Yao's treatment after his promotion improved significantly. And that even if people still disliked him they could not openly do anything about it because he was high enough in status for that to be socially inappropiate. Which is, explicitly, one of his main motivators over the entire course of the story: Avoiding mistreatment by getting high enough on the social ladder it doesn't matter what people think of him, they can't hurt him.

And I'm not sure how to reconcile that character journey with the idea that he would, at any point, have preferred to keep his head down and stay where he was. When he was so desperate to crawl his way out.

[deviousdiesel]

.

[kristiliqua]

[read this after reading the tags because fuck i hit the tag limit LMFAOO]

— and jason (n the bunch) definitely makes fun of him for it because holy shit you absolute tryhard (he copes and seethes every time tim manages to snipe his slow ass dynamo — which is basically every fucking time tim is there . he has to rush tim like a fucking madman in order to actually splat him , and then usually dies right after bc he rushed into their base , tunnelvisioning tim and tim only , as a fucking Dynamo . tldr he calls him a tryhard to cope)

(and do Not get me wrong ; its not as if jason’s a thoughtless or bad player [i hate ppl calling him a brute . like istg he’s smart too] . its just that dynamo vs charger is a horrible matchup for him , as the dynamo . he Does manage to get tim without rushing him sometimes , but he needs coordination with his team distracting tim or smth in order to get the advantage he needs , since theyre both equally skilled pretty much . but a 1v1 is just Hard in this matchup [said by a dynamo And charger main . trust me on this one LMAO] , and he usually just gets sniped in those situations — its either a trade or death for him most of the time . thats not a jason thing ; its a charger vs dynamo thing lol)

golly i’ve been talking abt this too long (esp abt tim and jason when tim is nowhere to be found in the og post LMFAO Uhm .! i just like them . jason n tim are my boys) . in fact im going to yap more bc i feel i havent given dami enough appreciation

jason would totally love rolling damian over while dami’s sharking him . he’d laugh in his face and clip it on his switch , before saving the clip on his phone or smth just in case damian attempts to delete it

see it as a punishment for trying to shark a dynamo as a splatana/octobrush instead of just ,,, outmaneuvering the dynamo . bc both splatana and octobrush have good enough range to easily take down a dynamo (he outmaneuvers a lot too ofc ; he just tests his luck sometimes by sharking around jason , wanting to surprise him lol)

they are a Unit on the same team tho . damian as the faster splatana/octobrush supporting jason’s slower dynamo/stamper (he’d play that too . def didnt start playing it bc it pairs rlly well with [damian’s] splatana ,, no siree ,,,) as they both kill the enemy team with terrifying efficiency . (i’d say they’d be extra good with tim making callouts in comms — bc ofc im still thinking abt tim too istg 😭 — but i also feel like neither of them would listen to him half of the time . and take joy in his misery whenever they lose , ignoring their own misery from losing in favor of making fun of tim and blaming each other for losing [like “if you hadnt died when they started pushing we could have defended successfully , todd !” / “oh MY BAD that i TRADED with their stupid quick-respawning motherfucker and couldnt paint under my feet to get away from their bomb because im a fucking DYNAMO —” (can you tell i definitely main dynamo and have experienced similar situations . WHY is it so FUCKING BAD at PAINTING UNDER YOUR FEET . MY GOD .)])

anyway holy shit thats it im done Fucking Hell . here’s your essay op ! i love the art . it has clearly stirred my love for batfam and splatoon (im sorry LMFAOAO)

is this too niche

[buttercupshands]

I feel like crk finally became a true teapot (ref to genshin bc I love that place so much) experience

a rample post ahead I cut it bc it's long as hell (tags are their own story LONG AS HELL too!)

Like literally falling asleep while watching how those little ones interact

if I ever make a tier list or something of gacha games that I've played longer than a year AND enjoyed for at least a month it'll be interesting to see the difference

like I love teapot-like mechanics EXPECIALLY if characters in there have a special way of interacting on their own - see hi3 Dorms system

and crk made it its core mechanic to which EVERYTHING loops back to, not arena, events or even the story

genshin has a way to make your teapot as pretty as you want and clipping through objects create fantastic sets (many creator have made at least something fantastic there, and people who don't care - don't care) but character interactions are limited to 2 max and 3 dialogues from lvl of friendship which is... fine but they just stand there while you can look at your pretty decor for years for no reason

I love the process but the end result is like "yeah this is pretty" and leave after 5-10 mins bc I'm bored of it

hsr has some interesting decor interactions in the event for our room that we got a year into the game, which is fine, characters don't visit our room but they're randomly placed so it's a mystery who'll talk tp you now, not to mention some characters leaving due to story reasons, interesting! interactible! but decor doesn't change after we finish the event aside from little things - a bit.. boring but that suits MC! still.

hi3 has Dorms which have chibi versions of character of your choice to put there, it's less like genshin and hsr and closer to crk actually, with chibi characters having a way to interact on their own and you getting at ability to play as them too, pretty fun, but there's like 3 rooms there and only 5 characters per room so it's REALLY not much, when there's so much cool stuff, which is also expensive if you don't play like 24/7 for like 6 years, which is my situation

the interesting thing there is that all characters in the room go to bed when it's bedtime according to your time which is neat and actually super cool

tears of themis system might be my least favorite as it's fully connected to p2w and gathering items for years to fully decorate everything which is... kind of extremely boring when the end result is closer to genshin teapot mixed with hsr placement only on one specific location so it's like a cute miniature that offers you like 3-5 options you can slowly get and like 10+ p2w ones

crk on the other hand has the balanced version of all of it (and of stuff from their other games improved too!) with 100 cookies on the screen ALL doing their own thing at all times including helping with production of stuff important for them to grow so it's like a collaborative effort of growing rather than you just doing tasks over and over by yourself via simply adding characters with animations there so you actually see them working AND their work animations are unique (with weak cookies struggling with hard work and tree-related ones looking uncomfortable in the wood cutting related tasks while some will actually look excited to work on something like that) and show their personality that you've already seen or read about, so it makes sense for the player to see that

while there are games that work similarly aka farm ones this is a gacha farm-like game, like I remember the mlp game that worked similarly, but it didn't have as many tiny details to look at also getting characters was strictly tied to your finances and p2w in some cases which made the game a bit empty when you can't exactly pay to get every character at that moment

gacha aspect of getting the characters combined with the way crk works with soulstones lets you focus on just growing to manage tasks you'd like more - like getting strong to get this or that in the story, or even jsut simply going through the story, which requieres a lot of resources

all of the games I mentioned require you to waste time in them, get characters either through gacha OR paying a lot of money (mlp, but ALSO any gacha when you gon't have enough resourses which requires that you play thing game EVERY DAY) and it's simply up to the player to decide what do they like more at any given time

I personally liked having tiny figures with some cool place to play with (and a dream that never came true to have a doll house for those little ones) as a kid and even looking at the videos of that I never had dolls participate, they're dolls, you just make them pretty and... that's it.

at least kid me never did any cool story stuff with actuall full on dolls, bc mini figures allow your imagination to run wild much like when you have a full model in 3d and a simple 2d pixel thing, second option is preferable for me

so having a ton of small things interact with stuff while I can just silently watch and see the unlikeliest characters getting along fine is the to-go way to just relax for me

and I need that for my brain

[the-somwthing]

I hate how someone could make a whole essay on why they think whatever celestial body fits whatever winner and people will be like “idk, it still doesn’t fit 100% perfectly like the first three therefore it’s stupid” YEAH CUZ GRIAN “name means sun in *checks notes* Scottish Gaelic” AND PEARL “her name has moon at the end” AND SCOTT “played starborne in origins smp” FIT SOOO WELL AND HAVE SOOO MUCH MORE MEANING… 😭

My point isn’t that the first three don’t fit, I think they do, but the core idea behind them being those things is so loose and meaningless, it’s clear we didn’t overthink it so I think it’s ridiculous that we should overthink all the others. Just find one little reason it fits and then expand on it like with the original 3.

[travalerray]

it's the WORST when you can't interact with a particular fandom at ALL because they are simply incapable of talking about the plot but WILL talk about your NOTP for hours on end so you just mope about it in silence