#And it happens to be one of my triggers but no like I'll fall apart if it's too close to me more like

[kakusu-shipping]

I’m making this post for me for my brain for my sorting little thinker

The Ideal Polycule is of course made up of three different Self Ships, of which have their own separate S/Is with different dynamics and personalities. I, the real human person who smooches the full polycule, am sort of the combination of the three of them.

This is just a quick summery post of them as separate S/Is and their story as it currently is in their own Universe. I don’t know how to summarize things so forgive me I’m long winded.

Does any of that make sense? No? Cool keep scrolling. If you somehow understood that and want to know more, keep reading. Uh also Spoilers for Assassination Classroom and Danganronpa

Doctor Emile Hides - Assassination Classroom

Age: 20-21

Gender: Agender - He/Him

Sexuality: Panromantic, Asexual

Self Shipped with: Koro-Sensei

Other Affiliations: Karasuma + Irina (Friends), All of class 3-E (Students)

Most Prominent Traits:

Klutzy

Comically Bad at Cooking

Still learning Japanese

Arrives Late to most everything

Classic “boy genius” trope levels of Smart

Emile came to be the stand in Nurse for class 3-E soon after their return from Okinawa, where his medical knowledge would have surely been useful during the poisoning incident. It was a decision made by Karasuma, and urged by Koro-Sensei. The kids do some dangerous stuff, they could use an on sight professional.

He is not an assassin, nor does he plan to try his hand at killing Koro-Sensei, he’s just a collage student studying abroad who was picked up by Asano as a “good enough” for E Class.

Immediately he was fascinated by Koro-Sensei, or “Koro-San” as he calls him, and began doing his best to study the unkillable teacher in between bandaging students. Emile’s focus was Biology, and he eventually filled an entire notebook with questions and drawings about Koro-Sensei and, without much thought, presented it too the teacher, asking if he’d be willing to answer them.

Koro-Sensei agreed, filling out most of the questions in the notebook.. in Kanji. Which Emile couldn’t read. He also swore the Doctor not to show the book to anyone else, which Emile had agreed too. This was Koro-Sensei’s way of helping Emile learn Japanese.

The two spent a lot of time together after that, Koro-Sensei offering to tutor Emile in Japanese after class, which eventually lead to Koro-Sensei flying Emile home most nights, as they’d study so long in the faculty room Emile would miss the last train home.

Emile eventually confesses his romantic feelings for Koro-Sensei after soon after Reaper Time, and while Koro-Sensei is hesitant for multiple reasons, the two end up an official couple, which Koro-Sensei then cannot keep to himself and blabs about to the entire class.

During Winter Break Emile stays with Koro-Sensei in the empty Class E building, and studying possible ways to keep him from self destructing. This becomes his obsession until mid February on his birthday when Koro-Sensei finally convinces him to put it down and spend what time they have left together.

Emile wasn’t on the mountain during Koro-Sensei’s final moments, he’s not an assassin, he couldn’t evade the military like the students. Instead he called Nakamura to his apartment the night the students where infiltrating the mountain and asked her to deliver to Koro-Sensei his Birthday Cake, the first successful thing Emile had ever cooked.

Post timeskip Emile has settled into being a Manga artist, rather than going fully into the Medical Field like he had been expected to with how smart he was. He joins class 3-E in cleaning up the mountain every year on Koro-Sensei’s birthday, and brings homemade sweets for them every year.

The Ultimate Collector V2 - Danganronpa 3 (Despair Arc)

Age: 16-18 (unclear)

Gender: Trans Man - He/Him

Sexuality: Frayromantic, Panromantic, Asexual

Self Shipped with: Teruteru Hanamura

Other Affiliations: The Ultimate Collector V1 (twin brother), Hifumi + Celeste Chihiro + Kazuichi + Sonia + Gundham + Chiaki (Friends)

Most Prominent Traits:

Socially Anxious to the point of occasional Mutism

Picky Eater

Comically bad sense of direction

Has everything one could ever need in his bag at all times

Very OCD and protective of his things

Emile is a very quiet, shy, introverted person who, upon being separated from his twin brother, tended to keep to himself as much as possible and blend into the background. Being an Ultimate at Hope’s Peak didn’t really matter to him, he’d preferred to stay in his room with all his things nearby.

Moving to the dorms on campus was extra hard for Emile. Despite his title as the Ultimate collector the school didn’t allow him to bring his entire collection with him. Being so far away from all his favorite things was just too much stress for Emile, causing him to shut down even more than he would have already.

Teruteru Hanamura was the only one in the class to notice Emile didn’t eat lunch and took the responsibility to keep his classmate fed into his own hands. Despite Emile’s blatant refusal to speak, he didn’t mind being spoken to, leading to Teruteru to slowly, through questions and trials and errors, to learn what things Emile could and couldn’t eat as he shared his lunch with his fellow student every day.

Teruteru got use to one sided conversations. He took pleasure in cracking a smile on Emile’s face with his jokes, or when he’d say something so awful the quiet student couldn’t stop himself from unfurling to give him a slap on the shoulder. The first time Emile had the courage to speak to Teruteru sent him over the moon.

Emile only got better through Teruteru’s friendship. Despite being easily everyone’s least favorite classmate, Teruteru was still able to worm himself and Emile into group activities, forcing the collector into social situations that slowly opened him up to the rest of the class.

The next year, when Emile’s brother joined the 78th class as The Ultimate Collector Again, Emile found himself opening up even more, mingling between both classes along with Teruteru. Even joining an anime club his brother, Hifumi, and Celeste had started. 

When the biggest most awful most tragic event in human history struck, Emile fell into Despair along side the rest of his class, but instead of becoming an ultimate despair like them, folded in on himself again, shutting down into himself, becoming an immobile shell of a person.

Teruteru ended up taking Emile with him as he caused destruction and despair throughout the world, taking care of the other like a doll. At some point, due to his new cannibalistic habits, Teruteru safely removed and ate one of Emile’s legs.

Because of this, during the hope Program, Emile was considered more of a victim than an Ultimate Despair, and was not put into the simulation with the other students, but acted as more of a beta test to see if the system could work to recover the rest of his class from despair. During the events of the game Emile watches along side Future Foundation, waiting for his friends to come back to him.

Home-Run Hero; Gumball - My Hero Academia

Age: 29

Gender: Agender - He/Him

Sexuality: Panromantic, Asexual, Polyamourus

Self Shipped with: Taishiro Toyomitsu (Fatgum)

Other Affiliations: Tamaki Amajiki + Eijiro Kirishima + Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu + Momo Yoayorozu + Nirengeki Shoda (Adopted kids), Kendo Rappa (Taishi’s Stalker/Eventual addition to the polycule)

Quirk: Bubblegum - Gumball’s saliva has all the properties of Bubblegum. Upon being blown into a bubble, the gum will harden into a hard plastic ball, typically  around the size of a baseball.

Most Prominent Traits:

Affectionately a Bully

Extremely Agile

Will eat almost anything without question

Avid PDA offender on both Taishiro and their kids

Weak to Heat

Emile and Taishiro were classmates at Shiketsu High, their relationship started on one of annoyance, as Emile was far too touchy and nosy for Taishiro at the time. Emile sat in front of Taishiro, and took every spare moment to spin around and pester him with questions about himself, class, his quirk, the other students, and so on.

During their first sparring session, Taishiro was rather excited to have teacher’s permission to beat on the annoying kid who sat in front of him. However, due to his poor quirk management back in the day, Taishiro didn’t have near as much fat built up as he does now, and ended up on his ass at Emile’s hand multiple times.

After that, Emile was constantly offering Taishiro things to eat. Every time he turned around to talk to him in class, he’d come with something tasty and some tips on preserving fat cells. It took a while, but Taishiro eventually realized this was Emile’s attempts at being nice, in his own, slightly annoying ways, and slowly the two became real friends. Though Emile thought they were already besties.

Shiketsu is a very strict school, the students are to focus on their Hero Studies; No dating, no extra curriculars, strict curfews, ridged dorm expectations. Breaking the rules could risk immediate expulsion. But despite it all Emile ran free, broke curfew and snuck in and out whenever he pleased, typically dragging Taishiro along with him. He joined a local Baseball team without the school’s permission, and invited Taishiro to all his games. He had sleep over’s in his classmate’s rooms, and slept in the common area, and his contraband all throughout the dorms. The only rule he hadn’t actively broken was no dating.

Taishiro, slowly, found himself being thankful for that, because if that rule wasn’t in place, he’d asked Emile out right then and there. And if he’d found out his friend was dating someone, or asked someone out, Taishiro wasn’t sure his heart would ever recover.

Upon becoming Pro Heroes, Emile and Taishiro went their separate ways for a while. Emile falling more into the “Idol Hero” roll, as he joined a professional Quick Baseball League, where as Taishiro kept their high school streak of rule breaking alive and became an Undercover Hero breaking up fight clubs and chasing drug dealers under the radar. This is where most of their 20′s were spent.

They kept well in touch, back and forth whenever their schedules lined up, which was rare and always brief. Taishiro got better at saving up fat for his quirk, Emile became more and more of a heavy hitter, they grew older and wiser from their high school days of breaking out of the dorms at night, and eventually Emile confessed to Taishiro.

Soon after he joined the Fatgum agency, still playing Clean Up hitter for his own Baseball League, but mostly slowing down steadily into Hero Work, and apparently parenting as the Fatgum agency gains more and more interns every year.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Rabid Logan is my new favorite logan

"Butterbean, please?" Wade begged.

"Fuck off," you groan, curling on the sofa and holding a pillow closer to your head. "It's just a migraine. I'm fine-"

"Totally fine, yeah." Wade frowned and mimed strangling you for a second. It had been 2 days. Yesterday you were having trouble with your vision and puking. Today you were hiding from the sun like a fucking vampire. And he had to go. He had work to do.

But in his head all he could see was your tiny 7-year-old self crying from the pain that no one else was taking seriously. But at least- at least Trigger was taking it seriously. Laying curled behind your legs with his head on your hip, he looked up at Wade like he wanted to know what to do.

"Fine," Wade said, "You won't go to the hospital? I'm gonna get you a baby sitter."

"I don't need-" But when you try to sit up and the movement makes your vision blur, you can't protest. All you can do is groan.

"Sure, shut up," Wade said pulling out his phone and taking a deep breath as he went through his contacts.

Vanessa- working Peter- pushover and working Al- just no. No. Love her but no Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. And Colossus would just fall through your fucking floor IF he could fit through the door way.

"Damn it," he hissed, dialing the last number he had. The last person he'd willingly hand you over to.

"What?" Logan growled.

"Hey, Peanut," Wade said, kicking a wastebasket closer to you as you lean over the couch to puke again. "Need a favor."

"No."

"Listen," Wade said, "I gotta go. Now. And my sweet angel baby sister has a migraine from hell and refuses to go to the hospital to get checked out. So I need somebody who can babysit and force her to go if the meds don't do what they're supposed to in... oh, 12 hours?"

Over the phone he can hear boots hit the floor and he exhales slowly. "Fine," Logan said.

"Thanks, Peanut. Hands to yourself. I gotta go. Duty calls." He hung up the phone and stroked your hair, moving the pillow just enough to kiss your cheek. "I gotta go, sweetie. Logan will be here pretty quick."

"I'm fine-"

"Totally fine," he agreed. "You just look like you're dying and threw up water for dramatic effect." He tutted and tucked the blanket around you before stopping to pet Trigger and slip out the door.

_________________

Logan slipped into the apartment and regarded the dog, who was watching him. The growls were low warning growls. His mistress was ill, but he wasn't. And he could smell vomit that was mostly bile and water. Old clothes and sweat. He shook his head.

This didn't look or feel like your apartment. Too dark and quiet. No warmth. And seeing you so still and clutching a pillow to your head made him wince. "Hey, kid," he said softly, walking slowly towards you. "You alseep?"

"No," you answer, your voice muffled. "Beer's in the fridge if-"

"Thanks," he answered. "You thirsty? Need food?"

"My head's not really happy with moving."

Logan moved the trash can and knelt next to the sofa, "Cold water on an empty stomach is a bad idea," he said. "Got anything else?"

"Lo, you don't have to do this," you murmur. "I'll be okay. It happens. Just not this long."

"What else have I got to do?" Logan said shrugging. "I'm 200 years old and I know a few things. Pretty sure we can get you through it."

"There's some electrolyte drink mixes in the cupboard above the coffee pot," you answer, breaking off with a groan when your head throbs.

Logan nods and squeezes your shoulder gently, "I'll figure it out, as long as you don't mind me going through your kitchen."

"Help yourself," you answer. "If you find jerky in the fridge don't eat it. It's Trigger's and he holds grudges."

[mumms-the-word]

Gale's Netherese Orb

The Condition and Symptoms

You asked for it! You're getting it! Yet another deep dive, this time about Gale's orb functioning as a chronic impairment/disability and the ways that a cure is dangled in front of him and even withheld from him.

Disclaimer: a lot of this has already been discussed by lore-wizards like galedekarios or mezzziah and some information is going to come from actual-lea's wild playthrough of the Gale Origin where they didn't give him any magic items just to see what would happen (which I recreated quickly in my own game to gather screenshots and gifs of my own). I'm not going to tag any of them because I don't want to bother them, but if you want even more lore, you can and should check them out!

We're going to look at Gale's orb "condition" in three phases: the effects of the orb on Gale's body itself, the ways that he has to treat it, and the potential cure for the orb. Because my deep dives always get a little out of hand, I’m splitting this into 3 posts. So you can take and leave whatever you like, but I'll link the masterlist to all 3 parts here once I have them posted!

But without further ado, let's deep dive!

I've said before that Baldur's Gate 3 is ultimately a game about cure—finding a cure for ceremorphosis, specifically. Every companion is facing a (potentially lethal) forced transformation into a squid creature in seven days or less unless they find a cure. At least, that's what they think before they realize that their tadpoles are special. On top of that, several characters, including Gale, especially Gale, are also dealing with additional chronic conditions that they wish to cure.

Let's set aside the search for the tadpole cure for a minute and focus on Gale—his character arc, his goals, even the text for his questline. The moment that Gale steps out of his pod on the nautiloid, he has a twofold goal: find a way to cure or treat the hungering orb in his chest and find a way to cure or stop ceremorphosis, in part because turning into a mind flayer may destabilize the orb, thus making the orb the bigger or more significant problem for Gale personally.

In other words, on two fronts, Gale's entire plot is concerned about curing a chronic, potentially lethal condition (or two), but the orb is the bigger issue between the two. Turning into a mind flayer is one thing, turning into a cataclysmic explosion that could "level a city the size of Waterdeep" is another.

The Wizard of Waterdeep Objectives - Escape the nautiloid I was an archmage - powerful, proud, full of potential - until my failed attempt to impress my lover, the goddess Mystra, left me with a volatile 'orb' of Netherese-corrupted Weave in my chest. Keeping it stable is difficult at the best of times...and these are far from the best of times. I've been abducted by mind flayers, infected with one of their tadpoles. So far the orb appears unaffected, but I can't count on that for long. I need to get back to Faerûnian soil before it begins to hunger.

Despite being infected by illithid tadpoles, Gale's larger concern is that staying in the hells will make feeding the orb difficult. When he gets off the nautiloid, he's worried that turning into a mind flayer will completely destabilize the orb. It's his primary concern and will continue to be so throughout the game.

Narrator: Despite your recent fall from the nautiloid, you are miraculously unharmed. Apart from the volatile orb of Netherese magic buried within your chest, of course. It stirs softly. Soon it will hunger, and when that time comes it must be fed. Starve it, and you risk triggering a cataclysmic explosion of raw, unfettered Weave. Such an explosion will be unavoidable, if the tadpole in your skull triggers ceremorphosis. An outcome definitely best avoided.

So, yeah, the squid thing is a problem, but Gale is definitely more concerned about exploding. But exploding and "hungering" aren’t the only things the orb does to his body.

I’m going to break down the actual condition into three smaller segments: the words Gale uses to talk about his condition, the physical effects that Gale describes happening to him, and the mechanical gameplay effects. I’ll talk more about the actual “hunger” of the orb in part 2 when I talk about its treatment, in part because the hunger and the treatment are both magical effects and are intrinsically linked. But for now, let's start with a look at how Gale talks about the orb.

Call it a Condition

To start off, Gale describes having the orb in his chest along the same lines that people might discuss chronic impairments or chronic illness. It's not a minor "issue" or a "problem" that is disconnected from Gale's body and physical/mental health; instead, he calls it a "condition," a "malady," and even a "chronic impairment." He couches the condition in terms that evoke illness and unwellness.

Gale: You see, I have this...condition. Very different from the parasites we share, but just as deadly. Player: What kind of condition? Gale: The specifics are rather personal, but suffice it to say that it is a malady I have learned to live with - though not without some effort. Player: (Durge) You also feel disgust by how life, miserable as it is, insists of persisting in this most wretched world? / (Tav) Is it contagious? Gale: No, no - nothing like that. Though if I fail to treat it then the consequences would not be contained to me alone. Player: Can it be cured? Gale: No, it cannot be cured. And I assure you I've left no page unturned in reaching that conclusion. I can keep this condition under control, as indeed I've done for a significant amount of time, but that was under different circumstances altogether. Home, in Waterdeep. What it comes down to is this: every so often I need to get my hands on a powerful magical item and absorb the Weave inside.

Player (Ranger): I think I might have a dock leaf in my bag, or some medicinal berries... Gale: Thank you for the offer, but the treatment for my condition is very specific.

Gale: The reality of the matter is that a lone wizard with a chronic impairment such as my own is not in the most ideal of situations with regards to self-defence.

In Gale's first conversation with the player about the orb, which is where all of the above comes from, he uses language related to illness and chronic pain/impairment to discuss the orb. It's a "condition," it is a "malady" that requires "treatment," it is a "chronic impairment," and so on.

Generally, at first, he speaks lightly about it and even continues to joke about his condition ("my tower in Waterdeep has never been so free of clutter" and so on), but the reality is he's underplaying the actual physical toll it takes on his body. When you ask him what happens if he doesn't consume any artifacts, he'll briefly describe some symptoms to you that aren't obvious to the player character. Which brings us to...

The Physical Symptoms

This is how he describes the initial physical symptoms of the orb's hunger:

Gale: I'll spare you the finer details, but it begins with a simple biological deterioration. Muscle spasms, disorientation, a slight ringing in the ears. And if left for too long...catastrophe.

In other places, we see the orb's hunger/pain also affecting his ability to think clearly, suggesting he's experiencing a kind of brain fog or concentration issue, plus general discomfort, and a feeling like something is gnawing at his insides, as seen in various lines below.

Gale: You'll have to speak slowly. I'm finding it quite difficult to concentrate with my condition gnawing at my insides like a teething displacer kitten. Gale: Somehow the second artefact hasn't had the effect of the first. It's somewhat relieved the discomfort, but I fear my hunger hasn't quite... Ahh...* Gale: But... this doesn't feel quite right... It never feels right, but it relieves. This doesn't relieve... Ahh...* *devnote: Near the end of the line he's in discomfort, in pain

This is all from the second artifact conversation, when you give him the second item to try and feed the orb's hunger (the last line is a lower approval/you've-been-begrudging-about-items kind of line, so he's still being closed off with you). When you hear these lines in the game, he's obviously speaking with discomfort and with difficulty, as if trying to string words together despite the pain. His little comments as you travel with him/as him while he is dealing with arcane hunger also reference weakness, pain, and concentration issues.

- I'm feeling rather unsteady... - Deep breaths, Gale. Hold it together. - I'd be rather enjoying this journey, were I not wracked with pain. - One step in front of the other, Gale. - Ugh, I feel rotten. devnote: Slightly pained/struggling with a constant ache (the orb is negatively affecting him, causing him pain. Prompt is to remind the player that Gale is unwell.) [mumm's note: there are other lines as well, beyond these, and Gale will say them at random, so there's no progression into better or worse. This is just a sample of the lines.]

Given everything so far, I suspect the pain he feels is a combination of heart/chest pain, like one might feel during an anxiety attack, a POTS flare-up, or even a heart attack, while the gnawing sensation could be like hunger cramps (or any other internal cramping, though I think for Gale it feels higher up in his body than in his stomach, given the orb's location).

I highly suspect the orb is feeding off of not only his magic, but his body as well. We know it feeds off his magic specifically (more on this in the other two parts, especially because this detail doesn't come to light until Gale meets with Mystra). But given the pains and the way he frames his condition as a state of deterioration, it's likely that it's also feeding off energy stores and other biological/physical elements of his body, not unlike how extreme hunger can cause your body to essentially eat itself—your fat stores first, but eventually even your muscle tissues and other vital tissues.

(I've seen someone suggest this is why Gale has "dehydration state" chiseled abs like movie stars have because the orb is literally eating away at his fat/energy stores and so on. It's a compelling theory!)

The orb also weakens him, likely causes massive fatigue, and even seems to be draining his "spirit" or his mental capabilities. We see this in descriptions of Arcane Hunger (which are below). It's a wonder this man can put one foot in front of the other if the pain is particularly bad.

In addition to all the other physical symptoms, the orb itself has physically scarred his body with the marking on his chest, which is also bruising pretty significantly (though this "bruising" could just as likely be dark-colored magic just beneath his skin, your headcanon/mileage may vary).

Photo credits: @elspethdekarios, though I cropped them down for this deep dive

If you click on the images and zoom in, you can see how the markings have a bit of depth and texture to them, as opposed to the flat lines of a tattoo. The lines are carved into his skin. Certain lighting will also make the mark look darker or lighter, and make the bruising at the center faint or noticeably dark. There are some theories that the bruising gets worse as the game goes on, but I think it's just a lightning issue (though it would be interesting if the bruising gets darker with each new level of arcane hunger, or something to that effect).

Lastly, and I'll discuss this more in part 2, even when the orb does not actively pain Gale, it "stirs." Other references from the narrator reveal that the orb "shudders" or "prickles" within him. Gale can feel the movement of the orb inside his body, possibly like a weird fluttering or vibration in his chest. It's likely why, even when he isn't actively hungering, he'll put his hand over his chest and adjust his shoulders, as if reacting to a strange and slightly uncomfortable sensation within his chest.

Anyway, long story short, the physical symptoms of dealing with the hungering orb are:

Biological deterioration (like hunger, the body consuming itself, muscles weakening, etc)

Muscle spasms

Disorientation

Ringing in the ears

Difficulty concentrating/brain fog/mental fatigue

Cramping and/or chest pain

General discomfort and pain

Physical fatigue/feelings of weakness

Scarring and bruising from the orb itself

A sensation of the orb "stirring" even when not painful

And this man will joke about it.

Honestly, his ability to joke and discuss his condition with humor is a sign to me that he really is experiencing and thinking of the orb the same way people with chronic conditions think about their pain or illnesses. At the start of the game, Gale's condition is incurable—Gale says as much himself that it "cannot be cured." It can only be managed, treating the symptoms and diminishing the pain, rather than completely eradicating the impairment. Gale likely has a new scale for pain, the same way people with chronic pain do. A "bad day" for him would likely end most healthy, normative people in a clinic hoping for some prescription pain medication, whereas he will just grit his teeth and keep going. In short, saying that the orb is a "chronic impairment" is a bit of an understatement, and I don't think people realize just how much Gale is/acts like a person dealing with real-world chronic pain or chronic illnesses.

Gale is used to this pain, though he certainly isn't enjoying it. Have you ever persuaded him to wait before giving him a magic item? If your persuasion is high enough (and he likes you), he'll give a cheery "of course!" even though treating the pain is obviously the preferable path here. When he reminds you of his need for an item, as with the "teething displacer kitten" line or the "My condition likes being ignored as much as I do," he still conveys these lines with a mix of urgency and dark humor. He's dealt with this condition for a year or more. You might be testing his tolerance by withholding items, but he's not going to let on just how badly he's actually feeling.

This is the man who will uncomfortably laugh and say "Gods, this is bloody uncomfortable," while the orb in his chest is running a high-grade POTS flare-up and consuming his innards. That's what we call an understatement, Gale. He could complain a lot more, and far more loudly, but he's actually keeping it quite restrained, as people with chronic pain often tend to do.

So anyway, if you ever hear anyone complaining that Gale complains about his magic orb condition too much, ask them how much they'd like walking around with heart-attack symptoms for a few hours at a time. But let's move on!

The Gameplay Effects

Now that we know what the orb does to Gale narratively, what does his condition do to him mechanically in the game? Because, unlike with Karlach's unstable engine or Shadowheart's incurable wound (other examples of chronic pain/disability in the game), the game adds actual debuffs to Gale's character that can affect gameplay and battles. Therefore, leaving Gale disabled with pain also, in effect, disables the player's ability to play the game (or at least hampers it).

In the game, there are three stages of Arcane Hunger. Most people generally don't go beyond the first stage, because why would you let Gale walk around with a debuff of any kind if you have a locket of dancing lights you'll never use? But if you continue to ignore him (or, if you're playing as Gale, and willfully choose not to consume any items) then the Arcane Hunger will progress to Greater and Severe Arcane Hunger, bringing even more serious debuffs to his character.

Arcane Hunger - Condition Gale's spirit is being drained. He has disadvantage on Constitution Saving Throws. Greater Arcane Hunger - Condition The Netherese Orb in Gale's body is weakening him. He has Disadvantage on Attack Rolls and all Saving Throws. Severe Arcane Hunger - Condition The Netherese Orb in Gale's body is severely weakening him. He has Disadvantage on Attack Rolls and all Saving Throws. His movement speed is halved.

Casual reminder that Constitution Saving Throws generally affect concentration, which is needed to maintain spells that last for more than one turn. This goes back to Gale's concentration/mental fatigue when he's initially hungering. When the hunger progresses, however, Gale is physically weakened and the game makes it so that he's more likely to fail savings throws or attacks.

Trying to normally play as Gale with these debuffs is basically an exercise in resigning yourself to missing attacks frequently and failing literally every saving throw (this includes disadvantage on saving throws in dialogues as well). He's still playable, since Magic Missile never misses and you can work with spells that deal damage even when an enemy passes their saving throw, but he becomes even more of a glass cannon than ever. If he's not at the back of a fight, he goes down pretty quick.

Once you hit Severe Arcane Hunger (which I hit after only 6.5 hours of rushed gameplay, though you could probably hit it sooner if you were zooming through a bit faster than me) you're also forced to walk everywhere. Gale's movement speed is halved. The distance he can move in a single turn is drastically shorter than usual, and his speed is no faster than a casual walk. Anyone who has tried to move while encumbered knows this same walking speed debuff.

So the game literally takes Gale's chronic impairment and makes it disabling to both him AND you controlling him. No one really wants to play the entirety of BG3 at a walking pace, after all, so it forces you to make a decision—will you finally treat Gale's condition, or will you grit your teeth and bare it, like Gale does with his pain (though it's nowhere near close to the same levels of discomfort).

Typically a companion Gale will just leave if you refuse to give him any items and he progresses to the stage where he's at Severe Arcane Hunger. But if you play as Origin Gale, you can keep playing with Severe Arcane Hunger until, well, his condition literally paralyzes him and then he withers away, apparently dying of necrotic damage from the orb (I’m assuming here, because the log doesn’t specify what damage causes Gale to wither away, and he exudes a necrotic damage aura once he’s dead, which happens whenever he dies anyway).

Gale withered away. Gale lost Condition: Gale is Paralysed. Gale received Condition: Gale is Paralysed. [mumm's note: obviously this is listed in reverse order, because Gale becomes paralyzed and then withers away]

It appears that if left untreated, Gale’s biological deterioration reaches a point that it literally shuts his body down completely, and then he just...dies. I imagine that physically the orb has eaten away at so many of his vital tissues, including his internal organs, that everything just sort of ceases to function. He's corrupted from the inside out, and nothing but death and a quick resurrection can reverse those effects.

It's worth noting that if you choose to do this experiment with Origin Gale and don't feed him a single magic item, then Elminster won't be waiting for you to arrive in the Mountain Pass or just outside the Shadow Cursed Lands if you travel through the Underdark. Since Gale hasn't been managing his symptoms, he hasn't realized that the various items he's consuming aren't having any effect. Therefore, he isn't actively looking for a new solution to treat the symptoms. Since he isn't looking, I guess Elminster never thought to make himself available with the new solution?

Honestly, why Elminster doesn't show up is kind of a mystery. Gameplay-wise, I assume it's that Gale's quest didn't progress enough to trigger the game flag that would spawn Elminster. But lore-wise or narratively, it doesn't make sense. Mystra sends Elminster with both a command and a temporary "cure," so is she just waiting until Gale realizes his symptoms can no longer be managed? No idea. Maybe I'll explore it more in Part 3.

Anyway the point is that when an untreated Gale reaches Moonrise without talking to Elminster, the game (and his condition) shuts him down. When you revive him at camp, Elminster conveniently appears to give him Mystra's command to sacrifice himself at the Heart of the Absolute and stabilizes the orb at last.

But there's a catch.

Elminster Aumar: A shame that we did not cross paths sooner. The orb's thirst for magic is now quenched, yet it already inflicted some damage while you tried to forge ahead. The ill effects may linger, I'm afraid. Not enough to hamper your mission, I hope.

I believe this can also happen with a companion Gale, but I'm not sure about the specific parameters of triggering this. Regardless, as actual-lea has observed in their No Gale Dinner experiment, if Gale has regular Arcane Hunger then Elminster stabilizes the orb and all is well, but if he has Greater or Severe Arcane Hunger, then the damage the orb does to his body becomes irreversible. After Elminster stabilizes the orb, in this scenario, Gale is left with a permanent "Arcane Hunger" debuff, the same as the above, where he suffers disadvantage on constitution saving throws. This time, you can't consume items to make it go away, and nothing will cure the debuff. Gale just permanently has it for the rest of the game.

(It's worth noting that you can also kill Elminster while he's talking with Gale, thus preventing him from stabilizing the orb with his magic and from telling Gale he needs to sacrifice himself. This sort of breaks the narrative for Gale and results in some wonky dialogue chains that do and don't flag correctly, but the interesting outcome is that it means you can continue playing the game with Severe Arcane Hunger, which is now also a permanent debuff. You can consume magical items before the Elminster visit, but never after. Even if you kill him, you lose the ability to consume items, which means it is officially impossible to manage Gale's symptoms. You just have to deal with the halved walking speed and disadvantage on everything. And you can complete the game that way, if you have the patience! But it would be a very long game. I would know. I've done it and I was rushing like a maniac lol)

Anyway this is getting super long, so I'll end with a few wrap-up thoughts.

Final Thoughts

Having played as Gale with Severe Arcane Hunger for several hours in the game, I think Gale honestly downplays just how bad the pain and debilitating effects of his condition really are. As I was going through the evidence, I kept thinking about how there are so many different elements of pain, discomfort, fatigue, and general unpleasantness that are all part of Gale's everyday life. Even when the orb is stabilized or not actively hurting him, he likely still feels it moving in his chest and I imagine there are chronic effects that stabilizing the orb couldn't exactly cure, like lingering fatigue (and we wonder why Gale complains about his knees and wanting to take a rest and so forth).

Ookay the knees thing might be unrelated to the orb but I digress

Dealing with that much pain and internal corruption is a state of living that most people wouldn't want to stay in, and Gale is no exception here. He wants to stop the pain in his chest, just as much as he wants his former abilities and magical prowess to return. These things are connected, which I'll talk about in part 2. But without hope of a cure, Gale is forced to deal with his condition as a process of managing symptoms, creating a treatment plan that involves him consuming magic from magical items just to get a bit of relief.

But that, my friends, is where we'll pick up with Part 2 - The Hunger and the Treatment.

[litnerdwrites]

Justice for Nesta recs (AO3)

Most, if not all, of these recs are in the Justice for Nesta/ ACOSF rewrite/fix-it vein. It will be updates as I find more fics, but feel free to send any recs you have.

TRIGGER WARNING! Many of these fics will be very dark, with references to suicide, ptsd, misogyny, and IC BS. However, I'll be sure to add specifics where applicable.

Fics For Those Craving Nesta JusticeI put all the fics I found into one collection on AO3 that, as the title suggests, are for those craving Nesta Justice. Please read the relevant tags for each fic, as many of them contain reference to PTSD, SA (both past referenced and in story), and general IC BS.

I'll also list every fic in this collection bellow, just to keep them all in one place. Feel free to also add your own finds or works if you have any. The collection is open, but moderated.

Those the Stars Cannot Hear by @kataraavatara An ACOSF rewrite where Mor makes good on her threat to leave Nesta in the CON.

Baby, now we got bad blood by Pumpkinspice_Lou They say you should never come between a male and his mate. Rhysand should've known better. Aka Cassian finally choosing Nesta. Completed two-shot.

A Court of Vice and Victors by Wishcamper Acosf rewritten by a therapist. Need I say more? Incomplete.

You Made Her Like That By BookWorm77071 A few days into their Hike from Hell, Nesta is able to form one coherent thought: I don't want to do this anymore. So she stops. Three chapter short story. Completed.

Nesta becomes a baby by Theladyofbloodshed Exactly what the title says. Oneshot.

A Court of Tangled Flames by Theladyofbloodshed A Neris fic where Nesta gets the love story she deserves.

ACOTAR snippet collection by Theladyofbloodshed A collection of Acotar what ifs.

Nesta vs. The Buffer by Theladyofbloodshed After Nesta finally snaps at another 'family' dinner, calling Cassian and Mor out on their shit, she begins to heal and fall in love on her own terms. With a certain shadowsinger. Completed. Nezriel fic. Anti IC but they kind of redeem themselves at the end. Completed.

AU Where We Pretend Acosf Didn't Happen by Theladyofbloodshed An alternative take to ACOSF, starting from post ACOFS. Nesta ends up leaving Velaris, starting herself on a journey of self discovery and healing. TW Beron Vansera, implied/referenced SA, IC being assholes.

Nightmare Dressed Like A Daydream by This_Immortal_Hope Nesta was a wolf. So, much like a wolf, she bided her time, accepting her exile with ice in her and determination in her heart. When she was ready, she tore their Court of Dreams apart with their own hypocrisy. One shot. No ship. Rhysand is thoroughly put in his place. Oneshot.

Second Chances by miryamdev Cassian apologises to Nesta after the HOFAS bonus chapter.

A trick of the light by closet_monster There was nothing condemning about madness or paralyzing fear. Nesta was familiar with both — they seemed to be a recurring theme in both womanhood and life in Hewn. Oneshot. TW Depression, self harm, and implied abuse. Please double check the tags before reading.

Burn for Eternity by rosemai Nesta is defeated and broken down by the words of her sisters and the IC, so she takes matters into her own hands and meets a group on individuals who could give her the help she needs. Incomplete.

Nesta's Truth by grovellingboyfriends After another year of leaving Nesta alone, Cassian finds Nesta in her apartment on Solstice, standing over a dead man. TW for implied SA, parental abuse, Elain is a bitch. 3/5 chapters published as of making this post.

Daylight by Flowerflamestar Nesta Archeron, banished and betrayed, ran from cold and hatred straight into the light of Day and found a place where she could belong. Completed.

Might I Suggest You Don't Fuck With My Sis by MacabreGiggles The intervention rethought, where the Archeron sisters decide to stand up for one another and put the IC in their place. Incomplete.

I died. I will die. It's alright. I don't mind. By MacabreGiggles Nesta resorts to other means to cope, like drugs. Incomplete. TW. Abuse. Alcolism. Suicide. Sexual assault. Drug abuse.

The Veil of Silence by Hrizantemy There exists a veil of silence, it shrouds our voices masking our truths, muffling our cries, our voices are muted, and dreams whispered. Incomplete.

You're a crisis of my faith by porque_nolosdos Nesta and Elain leave the NC, and upon seeing the IC's reaction, Feyre decides to ditch them too. Incomplete.

A thousand cuts by adelindschade It finally clicks for Cassian just how badly Nesta was hurting (it only took three TW suicide TW attempts), so he decides to try thinking of what Nesta would want. This decision leaves a ripple effect that will change the NC as we know it. Incomplete.

The consequences of normality by TheTeaQueen After the events of ACOSF, things seem relatively normal. Until Cassian realises that Nesta doesn't ask for things, or that self hatred still grips her, or the facade she puts on for her family. When she starts cutting back on training and work in the library, he begins to worry. Maybe things aren't as perfect as he thought. Maybe their methods in helping her weren't as effective as he thought. Incomplete.

Three little words by TheTeaQueen Cassian finally says those three little words that Nesta needed to hear. Oneshot.

Like fire, she raged by TheTeaQueen Emerie stands up for Nesta and puts Rhys and Feyre in their place. Completed.

Of Death and Resurrection by TheTeaQueen Part 1 of In the name of healing and happiness. Nesta was ready to die. So to save Feyre and Nyx, she did. Can Rhysand, the only person who can save her, bring her back from the brink? Completed. TW Implied suicide, rape/sa, anti Elain.

Of Shadows and Light by TheTeaQueen Part 2 of In the name of healing and happiness. Technically more of a Gwynriel fic, but does have some Nessian since it follows the aftermath of Of death and Resurrection, only Azriel, Gwyn & Elain are the main focus. Ties up a lose thread or two from part 1, and is 100% Anti Elain. Completed. TW Implied child abuse, implied suicide, torture.

Of Reopened Wounds and Retribution by TheTeaQueen Part 3 of In the name of healing and happiness. A trip to the human lands to discuss the treaty leads Nesta to face Thomas Mandray again. This time, she has family willing to go to hell and back for her. Incomplete. TW Implied rape/sa, panic attack.

Lady Death and Her Kingdom by TheTeaQueen Amren pushes Nesta too far, causing her to awaken a strange new power. TW Implied child abuse. Incomplete.

The Hike, Alternatively by TheTeaQueen An alternative take on The Hike from Hell, where Nesta attempt to TW commit suicide TW, and Cassian realises just how messed up their methods, and the events leading up to the hike are. Written for Suicide prevention month. Completed. TW Self harm, suicide, The Hike.

To Pay a Debt by TheTeaQueen When Nesta sees that Feyre didn't include her in any of the paintings, she does the only thing she can think of; Run. Incomplete. TW, attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, mentioned sa.

Burning from the Inside out by TheTeaQueen An au where Nesta's secretly lived with Chronic pain her whole life, only for the cauldron and her new powers to exacerbate it. Complete. TW Implied/referenced child abuse, suicidal thoughts, ableism, internalised ableism.

The Whole Truth by TheTeaQueen An alternative take where Nesta's deepest secret comes to light when Elain explodes at the dinner table one night. This forces the IC and her sisters to reevaluate their perception of her. Incomplete. TW: Child abuse, suicidal thoughts/ideation, forced prostitution, sexual assault (underage!!)

Set my Soul Alight by moodymelanist Nesta finds solace in Autumn. No Nessian. Completed. TW Implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced rape, implied/referenced torture.

Falling by becauseofreading Another take on what happens after Cassian tells Nesta that everybody hates her. Incomplete. TW Self harm, suicidal thoughts, blood and injuries.

Destruction and Renewal by Vorbi Nesta is given the opportunity to form new alliances. Initially, she scoffs at the idea, but after a small, final act of disrespect from the IC, she decides to see where this new path leads us. Incomplete. TW Implied/referenced abuse.

No One Likes A Mad Woman by Separatist_Apologist You made her like that. Nesta has had her choices tripped away, so when Eris offers her an out, she takes it. No happy ending for Cassian. The Night Court gets no sympathy. Completed. TW Domestic violence

A Cup of Tea by shaziskhalid After realising that the Cassian of her dreams isn't the Cassian she's mated to, everything changed. (MCU! Wanda, modern Au). Incomplete.

Promise by Daughterofthesea Begins during that scene where Cassian follows Nesta, and ends with him understanding just how much pain she's in, and deciding to actually help her.

Stay here (I love you, but I need another year) by littleplease Nesta is tired, and losing the will to even try. Complete. TW Apathy, depression, vuage suicidal thoughts.

What you did to me (I'll spend my life trying to rise) by filthymouthedslut Nesta is done with the IC's holier-than-thou attitude. No ship. Incomplete (3/4) as of updating this post.

Everybody hates you by Booksandsushi A different take on the time Cassian tells Nesta that Everybody hates her. Incomplete.

Change is good by Booksandsushi Nesta figures her life out on her own. Complete.

Truth of the Heart By TheFreakPanda The months after ACOFAS leave Nesta presented with some new opportunities. Full of therapy and dancing. Completed.

I've Always Liked to Play with Fire by catalyste After her village is destroyed and family killed by Hybern following Feyre's revenge mission, you wake up healed in the NC. After Lucien leaves you there, you find yourself trapped with Nesta Archeron, who turns out to be an unlikely ally. The two of you plan your escape with the help of Eris Vansera. Polly, Neris/reader, with IC bashing, and dragons. Incomplete.

The relapse by Janes_Melodies Something broke in Nesta when she learned about the results of the vote, knowing it was a tie until Feyre. She was trying for her sisters and for Cassian, yet they still think she's cruel enough to create a whole new trove just to kill them all. For the first time in months, she gave into her desires. Incomplete. TW Alcoholism, Implied/referenced self harm, suicidal thoughts.

You're safe now by annieleonhardtsring Rewrite of the scene where Nesta falls down the stairs, and Azriel stands up for her. Complete.

Love her how she should be loved by julemmaes Cassian overhears his family making some not-so-subtle comments about Nesta, and it pushes him over the edge. So he goes to bat for her, blaming his friends for everything wrong with their relationship with his girlfriend. Modern AU completed.

The Nest World - The Next Life by bat_called_phil ACOSF canon divergence fic that starts with the intervention, but diverts when Nesta takes a stand for herself, and Feyre starts holding Rhys accountable. TW Implied/referenced suicide, Implied/referenced abortion.

A Court of Spite and Isolation by xxTAO Nesta choses the human lands, separated from the IC and the distractions from her trauma, she spirals. Incomplete (4/6) TW Suicidal thoughts, Implied/referenced alcoholism, Suicide attempt.

Come Home by Rhysanoodle Cassian learns how Nesta's been living since she came to Illyria, and which fears haunt her the most. Complete.

[julieee404]

Kinktober day twenty-eight!!

A little too close

❥ Incest, Edging, Breeding, Double penetration, Anal ❥ Tom Riddle and Mattheo Riddle

POV: You've always been a bit closer to your brothers than most siblings, logical with the parentage you share. One day you come home, and you brothers decide to claim you as their own finally.

Trigger warnings: Incest, P in V, P in A, Edging, Breeding, Taboo. Swear words, Unprotected sex.

Today had started out really good. After I woke up I had breakfast with my brothers Tom and Mattheo, before all of us went out for work.

Tom worked for our dad as a death eater. Mattheo worked in the muggle department of the Ministry of Magic. And I worked as a healer in Saint Mungos.

We always made sure we had around the same work schedules so we would have meals together. Two years ago the three of us moved out of Riddle Manor and into an apartment in muggle London.

When I say apartment I do mean penthouse, our family is quite wealthy, and we were used to that wealth.

Work was busy since a lot of wizards came in with burned marks from muggle fireworks. The wizards had been invisible walking through muggle England, and obviously, the muggles who were setting off fireworks during the holidays didn't see them.

Because of this, I missed dinner, which my brothers and I always ate together. I came home around eight, absolutely starved.

"I'm home!" I yelled out as I walked into the house nd locked the front door behind me. Mattheo was in the kitchen and Tom walked out of his room. "You're late." He said matter of factly.

I nodded giving them both a hug "Yeah I know sorry, it was a rush at the hospital and we were understaffed since Mandy and Jade are in America."

Tom still glared at me and I sighed. "I'm sorry Tommy, truly." His gaze softened slightly. Mattheo spoke "It's okay sis, we would've just liked it if you could have let us know."

"I will next time I promise, is there any food left?" I asked when my stomach rumbled loudly. Mattheo laughed and nodded "Yeah there's left over pasta el limone in the fridge, I'll warm it up for you."

"Thank you, Matty," I said gratefully, sitting down at the table and yawning softly. Tom was looking at me with an intense and possessive gaze.

Before I could ask what was on his mind he turned and left walking into his bedroom and shutting the door. When I looked at Mattheo he shrugged, gave me my food and went after Tom to see what the problem was.

After dinner, I took a shower and walked into my room with only a towel around me. Without knocking my bedroom door opened and Tom and Mattheo walked into my room.

Their gazes were dark and intense, having a hint of desire and possessiveness in them. Tom spoke as he and Mattheo walked up to me. "We talked little sis, and we came to the conclusion that we don't like you working over time as much. You're ours and you're picking that job above us."

The anger in his voice was clear. "I'm sorry Tom, I'll make sure that I won't happen anymore okay." Mattheo shook his head "Not good enough princess."

By now they reached me and Mattheo pulled me against his chest, making my towel fall off my body and on the floor. Tom's eyes darkened with lust. "You're ours doll."

I looked at them confused, but Mattheo spoke before I could ask "We love you little sis, more then brothers should." My eyes widened in surprise as I looked at him.

"But that doesn't matter, we love you, and you're ours. We want you." Mattheo went on. He gave me time to respond, this was so wrong, they were my brothers, by blood. But I couldn't deny that I felt more then brothers for them. Always have.

Tom spoke, "You know you want us as well, don't pretend." He said his voice harsh and cold.

Finally, I gave in. "Okay yes, I do want you two." That was all they needed before Mattheo pushed me on my bed and they looked at me, eyes raking over my entire body. Like predators looking at their prey.

With a flick of Tom's hand, both of them were naked as well. I salivated at the sight of them, and my walls clenched around nothing at the sight of their cocks. I was ashamed to admit that this turned me on this much, I was soaked.

Mattheo moved between my legs and spread them widely, eyes darkening at the sight of my wet cunt. "Fuck little sis, you don't even need any prep, you're soaked."

That made Tom chuckle "Yeah does the idea of fucking your brothers make you wet doll." I let out a whine at their words and blushed.

"I'm going first, I'm the eldest." Tom said to Mattheo, making him glare at Tom. He however moved away laying behind me and pulling me against his chest.

Tom moved over me and lined up with my entrance, stroking himself before slamming inside of me. A loud moan left my mouth as he stretched my walls deliciously. He wasn't that thick but really locked, his tip trying to push through my cervix.

In the meantime, Mattheo was playing with my breasts while sucking hickeys on my neck. "C condom" I managed to say wanting to know if Tom was wearing one.

He stopped his movements and growled. "Fuck no, the only way Mattheo and I will be fucking your pussy little sis, is raw, I'm not gonna let anything be between us, understand." His grip on my thighs tightened painfully.

"O-Okay" I said and he huffed before starting his movements again, setting a brutal pace that made me rock against Mattheo.

Mattheo kept whining that he wanted to fuck me as well, which annoyed Tom and made his thrusts harder and sharper.

"I- I'm gonna cum." I said, the joined motions from Mattheo's fingers and Tom's thrusts, being too much. As soon as I said both of them stopped their movements, making me whine and try to clench around Tom to orgasm as well. Hating that it was being ripped away.

Tom slid out "Okay your turn," Mattheo smiled and flipped me over so my chest as against his and his cock was against my cunt.

Mattheo smiled at me and slipped inside of me. I let out a loud moan at the stretch, he was much thicker than Tom and a bit less long, but he still touched my cervix when he was deep inside of me.

I let my head drop on his shoulder and I clenched around him, sensitive and desperate to get my release. Mattheo smiled and held my hips starting to thrust up into me.

Moans left my mouth as I clung to him, hiding my head in his neck and scratching his back making him growl and fasten his pace.

Tom however was really impatient wanting to be inside of me again, aching to be inside of me again. "Hurry up Matt." Mattheo however ignored him and slowed down, just to spite him.

I whined at the shift in pace, not liking it much since my approaching orgasm was again ripped away from me.

This continued for a while, Mattheo sped up his pace and slowed down again, keeping me from orgasming and irritating Tom.

"Okay, that's it," Tom said and he moved over me pressing me firmly on Mattheo's chest so I was sandwiched between them. Tom's thumb pressed against my tight ring, making my eyes widen and let out a gasp. "Wait no no one ever-"

Tom cut me off "Don't worry sis I won't hurt you, and stop moving Mattheo."

He grumbled but did as Tom said and stopped moving. Tom started pressing his cock against my back entrance. "Relax doll," He said and Mattheo stroked my clit to get me to relax.

It didn't hurt. Tom had used a lubing spell to make him slide in easily. The stretch was foreign and a bit uncomfortable, but when he was fully bottomed out, I felt full—incredibly full.

Both of my brothers were stuffing me full with their cocks. I let out little moans which turned into screams and loud moans as soon as they started moving.

They moved in tandem making sure I never felt empty. The sensations soon became too much and I came around them, eyes rolling back as I had one of the most pleasurable orgasms I've ever had.

Neither of them stopped, letting me ride out my high. They didn't slow down after that either, in fact, they sped up their pace.

"Are you gonna let us come inside of you?" Tom asked.

"Yeah? Are you gonna be a good girl for your brothers?" Mattheo added.

Tom spoke again, "Feels good huh, your brother's cock in your holes."

Their filthy words drove me further and further towards the edge of a second orgasm. I know Tom and Mattheo weren't far behind me from the stutter and unevenness of their paces.

I clenched down around them and came once again. My body went limp against Mattheo. He let out a loud groan and came, spilling his seed inside of me and painting my walls white with his cum.

Tom followed quickly after us, the sensations from me clenching around him, and him feeling Mattheo's dick pulsate from the thin wall that separated them was too much for even him.

He came shooting him cum inside of me before slowly pulling out, watching his cum drip out with dark eyes, completely fascinated.

Mattheo pulled out of me and turned me around so my back was against his chest. "You're ours, princess." Mattheo said "Don't forget it.'

I nodded "I won't, I'm yours, only yours."

Both of my brothers smiled and kissed my cheek. "We love you sis." They said softly before they shared a devilish look. I knew we weren't done yet, not for a long while.

Kinktober masterlist 2024

[james-is-here]

𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘦𝘭𝘭...

Waah!: The boys reaction to realizing they yelled at you when you have past trauma with yelling.

Ya-hoo!: Mn in this had a "Military" childhood, Dad treated him like a soldier and was always yelling at him whether it be commands or verbal abuse.

Yay!: Is it obvious what I'm using to label the start of my fics? lol. Anyway, Waah! is the summary. Ya-hoo! is a brief explanation or backstory, and Yay! is authors note. I need a fourth character noise for Warnings...Oh yeah! will by warnings. (Also, if you haven't got it yet, Waluigi, Mario, Peach, Luigi)

Oh Yeah!: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Trauma Triggers, The boys are unintentional dicks, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, mentions of Blood, British Cigarette slur in Changbin's,

𝓑𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓷 (598 Words)

The door of your apartment slammed shut, making you jump. He knows to not slam doors but you put aside your slight annoyance for him forgetting when you hear him muttering. You shuffle out of your room and head to the living room where you can hear the mutters more clearly. Something about a missing track and being behind a day since they had to re-record some lines.

"Hey, Channie..." You said softly as you gently crossed your arms. You may be a strong tall boy (tm) now but Chan was starting to scare you a bit. "I-I got us food...Wasn't sure what your wanted but I got your fav-" "Mn, Just shut the fuck up!" He yelled, turning towards you. "I saw the damn food but if you payed attention to your damn phone, you would've known that I ate with the boys." "Ch-Chan...Stop. Now." Your voice wavered as your eyes began to water. "Who are you to tell me to stop?!"

The phrase made you flinch, the flash of your father about to hit you after you told him to stop yelling at your siblings made you stumble back into the wall, bumping into the side table, knocking over a vase that shatters as you slid down the wall, your hands coming up to cover your head as you beg your father to not hurt you.

The moment "Appa, No, please!" left your mouth, Chan's anger and stress from the day immediately went out the window when he realized what just happened. "Shit, Shit, Mn, I'm sorry." He swore he'd never raise his voice and seeing you like this, curled against the wall shaking, crushed his heart. "Mn, hey, jagi, can you hear me?" A sob is all he gets in reply and he sighs as tears build up in his eyes. His eyes catch the glass around your leg and he notices that you landed on some of the pieces, a few small blood patches on your sweats. He knows he needs to be gentle but he can't let them get worse as he kneels in front of you to try and move you off and away from the glass. You fight against him, your hands trying to help you crawl away but your right ends up in the glass and you cry in pain this time. "Ah, shit." Your eyes snap open to first see your hand, then the glass around you. "I-I'm sorry, I-I'll clean this up." You go to stand but Chan stops you. "No, No, N/n, let's patch you up first." "B-But I-I have to clean with the wounds...t-to be tougher." "Mn, babe, look at me." You do so slowly and finally meet his teary gaze. "Ch-Channie..." A new set of tears fall and Chan scoops you up the best he can to get you away from the mess.

"I'm so sorry, N/n. I didn't mean to yell at you, I know better, I shouldn't have taken my stress of the day out on you, I am unbelievably sorry." His hug was tight as he cried into your shoulder. "I promise I won't do that again, I promise to be more aware of how I'm feeling. I'll make it up to you, I'm sorry." You shake in his hold but slowly you melt into him, his faint cologne and tight grip calming you down as you wrap your arms around him as well. Although your leg and palm stung, you were grounded enough to know that both of you were comforting one another in that moment.

𝓛𝓮𝓮 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔀 (950 Words)

Minho asked you a few days ago if you could meet him at his place so the two of you could finally spend time together after what felt like an eternity since the last time you saw each other.

You arrived a few minutes before him and hastily set out the food you brought, homemade from your sibling you visited a day prior. His cats surrounded you, watching you curiously as you get the food out. When you were done, you smiled at the cats before making your way into the living room and sat on the floor, Soonie crawled into your lap as Dori sat in front of you and Doongi was happily purring next to Dori as you pat his head and scratch his chin. Pausing your pets on the cat in your lap, you pull your phone out of your pocket to see if there's any updates from Minho. Five minutes ago is a message saying he's almost there and Fifteen minutes ago is a message asking if you could feed the babies for him. You're quick to remove Soonie from your lap and stand up, gathering their dishes and food when the door opens but you jump when it slams shut.

"Mn?" His tone was firm and you felt a little scared but kept in mind that he just came from either the studio or the dorms, he must've not had a good day. "In here!" You call out. "I brought my siblings home made Kimbap and Pajeon for dinner. I also picked up-" "Where's their food?" "O-Oh, it's right here." You smile gently when he reaches your line of sight. "I'm just filling Dori's-" "I sent that twenty minutes ago." "I-I know, and I have the bowls right here, just give me-" "Why didn't you do it when I texted you?" "M-Min, it's not a big deal. Look, I have their bowls." "Not a big deal? You're starving them." "Oh come on, Minnie, you're being overdramatic."

You kneel down and set the bowls near the cats before standing up and turning towards your boyfriend. "See? Now they're fed." You sassed, going to walk past him to go to your food when he blocked your path. "Minho, what is wrong with you?" You snapped. He suddenly grabbed your wrists and you whimpered at the tightness. The backbone you gained over time from your childhood was suddenly out the window as fear crept up your spine. "O-Ow, Min, you're hurting me." "I don't care. I asked you to do one simple task and you blew it off."

Tears gathered in your eyes as your thrown back to the one night you didn't do the dishes, too busy trying to finish an important, grade-on-the-line school project, and your dad came home to see the half filled sink. He had grabbed you, dragging you into the kitchen. You complained that he was hurting you and that phrase was uttered before he threw you in front of the sink, you had a bruise on your side for a week.

The tears finally fell as you squeezed your eyes shut. "M-Minho, please stop, I'm sorry I didn't feed them earlier." "Why are you crying? There's no need to be crying, you don't have a reason to cry." He shoved you backwards and you stumble into Soonie's food bowl, spilling his food as he jumps away as another memory flashes, your father said the same thing when you cried after seeing him shove your mother to the ground. You whimper quietly, stuttering as you shrink in on yourself. "I'm sorry, Appa, I'll do better, I'm sorry." Your eyes open to see the food at your feet and you silently kneel down onto both of your knees to clean your mess.

Minho was frozen, mulling over his thoughts before he sighs. He realized what happened, the night prior he slept at the dorms and was so happy he'll get to see you the next day but he had woken up with a nasty headache, fighting through the slight throb in his temples at practice and at the studio. This was his fault, twenty minutes really wasn't a big deal to get mad over but he was tired, annoyed, and in pain, he just wanted you and his babies and when he saw them without food, he just broke. He sighs as he gets on the floor with you, picking up the food with you. When all of it was back in the bowl, you suddenly picked it up and hastily walked back to the kitchen.

Minho's eyes followed you, watching you dump the bowl before pouring new food back into it. "Mn-ie..." He stood when you came back in. A gentle hand on your bicep, he takes the bowl, setting it down for the mewling cat at his feet before placing his other hand on your other arm to turn you towards him. "Jagiya, I'm sorry." He bends his knees to try and look at your eyes, tears gathering but not falling. He sighs again, standing up straight and wrapping his arms around you. He didn't say anything, he just cradled you, rubbing your back as you let the tears fall and soak his hoodie. You could tell he felt bad, gentle kisses placed on the top of your head and a couple on your cheek or hoodie-clad shoulder while he swayed the both of you gently. You take a step to try and push yourself further into his hold, wrapping your arms around his middle and his arms tighten around you. "I love you, Mn...I'm sorry." You sob into his shoulder, burying your face further into his shoulder. "L-Love you, M-Min..."

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓫𝓲𝓷 (635 Words)

You knew Changbin had a bad gym day and you did everything to cheer him up and make him feel better. You made him your noodle recipe from your mom that he absolutely loves, you drew him a warm bath when he texted a small ‘Almost home’. You sent him a quick message saying you love him and can't wait to see him but he didn't reply. Today must've been really bad, hopefully your little set up in your dining room will make him happy.

When Changbin came home, you smiled, finishing up dinner before walking out of the kitchen to greet your boyfriend, but as soon as you reached the entryway of your home, the air shifted and you realized that your Binnie was in a really bad mood as you made your way to the front door. “Hey, Bin.” “Hey.” “I, um, I drew you a bath…a-and I made your favorite recipe from my mom for dinner. It's ready when you finish your bath.” “Thanks.”

You wring your hands together before taking a stuttery inhale. “Y-You okay, Bin? I-Is there anything I can do…for you?” “No, you can't do anything.” “Excuse me?” “You can't do anything.” “Binnie, you don't mean that.” You give a weary smile and hesitant chuckle. “You just might be stressed and tired-” “Now you're suddenly aware of how I’m feeling? How would you know how I’m feeling?” “Bin-” “Stop, just stop.”

He shoves past you, his built shoulder shoving you into the wall and your left hand lands on the wall to stop yourself from colliding with the wall as you turn and watch Changbin walk away. “Bin, hey-” “I just told you to stop! Like I said, you can't do anything, you can't even listen properly.” His voice was rising the more he spoke and he turned back to you, taking slow steps towards you.

“Changbin, stop taking to me like that.” Your eyes grew glossy as you tried to hold in your tears. “Why are you crying? You're so pathetic.” “Changbin!” “Don't yell at me, you don't have a reason to yell at me!” Suddenly he's grabbing your arm and pulling you from the front door entryway to push you into the livingroom. Unfortunately, you managed to trip over the corner of your rug and you landed on your side at the same time your head connected to the side of the coffee table. You yelp in pain, feeling as if you were fifteen again when your dad found out you had a boyfriend, furious that his son was a ‘Weak Fag’ and ‘pathetic’ as you collided with the wall next to the television.

The tears fell and you let out a sob as your head pounded. You reach up to your temple and pull your hand back to find some blood, looking back up to see Changbin still standing there, staring, still angry as if he didn't realize what he just did.

You got up with shaky legs and ran to the bathroom, aiming to patch your wound but the first thing you do is slide down the door with a sob and pull your phone out, calling the first contact that you manage to navigate to. Meanwhile, Changbin tossed his hands up when you ran to the bathroom, amused that you ran away from him, still not aware of what just happened.

A few minutes later, the still unlocked front door was pushed open and he got a small glimpse of Felix rushing to the bathroom before Chan was slamming the door closed and pushing Changbin against the wall. “What the fuck-” “What is wrong with you?!” “What?” “You know he has abuse trauma, why the fuck did you do it?” “What do you mean?” Suddenly, Chan slaps him, and gestures to the room. “Look around, Changbin.” There's a few blood droplets next to the coffee table, staining your messed up rug from when you tripped, Felix trying to get you to open the bathroom door, and on the dining table were dishes ready for dinner. What really brought Changbin to reality was the number two balloon and what looked like a custom banner saying “I love you, Binnie, Happy Two Years.”

Fuck

Your guy's anniversary…

(I'm ending his here but if a pt.2/continuation is wanted, I'll get it to you :)...)

𝓗𝔂𝓾𝓷𝓳𝓲𝓷 (1083 words)

With the couple years you guys have been together, you had finally gained courage to suggest that Hyunjin moved in with you. Not like move in physically, he still lives with the boys at the dorm, I mean you let him claim your guest room to be another art studio for him. It was already your own little work space but you donated the bed, cleaned it up, reorganized, and got new furniture to surprise him with it for your one year anniversary.

Now, most of your home is covered in paintings that he's made. Either permanently or just to get it out of the room. He was with the boys when you were cleaning around, your last room of the day being the studio. You didn't do much, knowing how Hyunjin likes his things where he puts them, the most you did was put blank canvases together in the corner and put things back where you knew they belonged and knew your boy wasn't using the item anymore.

You were moving to your side of the studio when your foot slips slightly and you notice a brush of his. It was still usable but the handle was messy and slight warn and the bristles were beginning to fray. Looking at his desk, you see the other brushes which seem to be in the same state. You didn't think about it to much before smiling, biting your lip to keep the grin from spreading too wide before making your way to a set of drawers next to your desk, a collective catch all and your lucky that he's never opened the bottom drawer which contains new brushes. Black handles with a gold metal holding clean brown bristles, custom made with a little engravings on them. "Forever my prince" and "Hwang No.1". You've had them for a while, waiting for the right moment to give them since whenever you brought up the topic, he'd say the ones he has are still useful but it wasn't about just replacing his brushes, one of the brushes engravings was "Ln Hyunjin." You finally were going to propose.

You collected the old brushes and moved them to the long drawer on your desk to hide them, throw them away later. You then got an unoccupied small white vase and placed the brushes in like a bouquet before writing and small note, a simple 'Just because gift ~Mn <3' that you place next to the vase. You would've given them physically but you had some errands to run with your sibling, that's why you were cleaning, killing time.

After running errands, you came back and heard small muttering in the studio, smiling when you see his shoes before it falls when you see the slight disarray your living room was in. "Damn it, Mn, what did you do with them?" You heard him huff. What did you do? Walking down the hall, you see a few of your new brushes for him and your chest grows tight. "Jinnie?" "Mn! Where are my brushes?" "D-Didn't you see I got you new ones?" "I didn't need new ones, Mn! The ones I had are ones I'm use to." "So because you didn't want to try out the ones I bought you, you throw them on the floor?" "Mn, I didn't need new ones to begin with! If you listened to me, I wouldn't be yelling at you!"

"If you listened to me, I wouldn't have to punish you!" Your dad yelled a day after he said "Listen closely, you don't say a word about what I did to mom, I won't punish you for not cleaning the truck like I told you to do." The same day you gave in and begged your teacher that day at school to help save your family. You just wanted away from that man, you didn't want to be near him anymore but when the cops showed up, he lied, and when they left, let's just say you missed a week of school due to some bruises and your father didn't want to get caught. That's when you realized he only cared about himself and how people see him.

"I-I'm sorry...Y-You always get m-me gifts, I-I was just returning th-the favor..." "Well, you didn't have to. Now where are they?" "I-In m-my desk..." You suddenly felt like a little boy again, you felt small, confined, trapped. You wipe at your eyes with the bottom of your palm, sniffing as you watch him kick the other brushes away. "J-Jin?" "What?" He snapped. "I-I'm sorry, J-Jin-nim, I'm sorry." Chocking back a sob, you step back and run out of the room. "Jin-nim?" Hyunjin mutters to himself confused before his eyes widen, looking at the brushes before the ones in his hands clatter to the floor and he's chasing after you. You were forced to call your father Mister Jin.

Your shoes were missing and your front door was open. "Shit." He quickly slid his shoes on before running out the door. He could see you not that far away as he was quick to catch up to you, wrapping his arms around you to stop you from walking farther. "Mn, Muse, hold on." He turned you around to face him, a hand on the side of your face to gently guide your gaze up to him. "Mn, I'm sorry." "What?" You blinked a couple times before you realized it was Jin. Your Jin. "Hyunjin?" "Yeah, it's okay. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to yell, I didn't mean to get rational, I-I don't know what came over me, I should've just asked." "Y-You didn't even see the brushes...Did you?" "N-Not really...I-I really am sorry."

You reach a hand up to his, leaning into his touch before you remove his hand and walk back home. When you return, to pull him to the studio, picking up the fan brush with his name. "This is your last name." "I know." You pull him further into the studio but he stops to look at the other brushes as you move to your desk drawer, reaching to the back to pull out a ring.

You turn around, admiring Hyunjin for a moment before walking over to him, placing a gentle hand on his elbow to get him to look at you before smiling when his eye catches the ring instead. "Mn..." "I know you...just yelled at me and I have so many problems but...be mine?"

Got carried away with Hyunjin's but I'm a writer who loves details but sorry this took so long. Ended up making this two parts cause I didn't know what to do for the maknae's cause my brain thinks they're too precious to hurt someone but I will think of something. For now, I hope you...enjoyed? It's kinda weird to say I hope you enjoyed this since it's a trauma fic 😬 N E WAYS, I just hope it's okay.

Tagging @lakee-jakee and @belladonna6-6-6 who commented on the original post of me asking if anyone wanted this. It do finally be done :)

[konigsblog]

Toxic!Simon tracking you down, after you left cause you caught him with another girl>>>

Him then swearing he'll never do it again, and he's just so so sweet making it up to you,

Only for you to catch him cheating once again :((

i feel like this heavy so trigger warnings for mentions of simon's nephews death, and mentions of drugs;

he promised, he swore on his nephew's grave he wouldn't do it again, to be the bast man that you knew. weeks passed, everything seemed fine; he was comforting, holding your form close to his chsst, close enough to feel his thumping heartbeat, a clear sign that he was misusing drugs again.

you sighed in disappointment. it was obvious he wasn't doing well, and you knew what that meant. he only ever used weed whenever he was stressed, of course that wasn't an indication he was cheating, but the text messages on his phone definitely were. simon was knocked out cold on the couch, his chest rising and falling, his forearm covering his eyes.

a notification lit up his screen, and you couldn't help yourself. a message from a women, a name you recognized when you first caught him cheating. the messages were downright disgusting, twisting your stomach, bile rising in your throat in horror as you saw how long this had been going on for.

simon didn't want to give up his cheating life, it was a part of him now. but the thing that really stood out to you, caused tears to form in your eyes faster than your actions, was that he swore on his nephews grave. how selfish could he be? how fucking disrespectful. this wasn't the simon you once knew and loved, the one you'd comfort on his hardest days, the one you'd hold whenever he spoke to joseph's headstone, this was a monster, and you didn't recognize him anymore.

you weeped quietly as he groaned in his sleep, the side affects from the drugs wearing away. looking down at your figure. you were in hysterics, gasping for air. and still, he had the audacity to ask you what happened. “baby..? what's wrong?” his voice boomed, echoed, rotted your brain.

“what have you become, simon..” his eyes widened at your question, glancing at his phone, eyebrows knotted with anger. “why are you looking through my fuckin' phone?” it wasn't a question to answer, you avoided it, revealing your raw and glassy eyes, filled with fury. “why are you speaking to other women, simon. you promised me - you promised on joseph's grave!”

his heart was pounding, slamming against his bones, his fist clenched with rage boiling inside him. “i wish i could say that i recognize you, but i can't. you aren't the man i grew to love.” you didn't expect to see his eyes glistening, dropping to his knees before you, grasping at your thighs and attempting to pull you closer to him as he weeped.

“please, baby.. please, please, i'm so sorry-! you don't deserve this, i'll change- i swear, love.- don't leave me, i'm begging you, you can't do this..!” simon's voice became stuttered, your avoided his gaze, his once adoring and welcoming eyes were replaced with evil, scleras tinted a shade of pink, falling victim to horrible things drugs can do to you.

you shoved him off of you, grabbing the keys, a random jacket on the clothes peg and your shoes. dashing out the door whilst he desperately attempted to sway your opinion, grasping at his hair when you door slammed shut. you could hear the screaming from inside his cheap apartment, the sounds of glass shattering and smashing broke your heart.

all you wanted with the old simon riley back. the memories of the pair of your falling asleep together on the couch, your legs intertwined with eachother, the cheesy romcom blarring from the tv. you missed simon riley, not the monster that grew inside him, the one who left you in tears every night, who promised to change, yet never would, not even for you.

[amaratas]

I Didn't Know This Time Would Be Our Last

TITLE: I Didn't Know This Time Would Be Our Last PAIRING(S): Civil War!Steve Rogers x AFAB!Reader TRIGGER WARNINGS: Porn with plot, smut, unprotected sex, piv sex, angst, oral sex (female receiving), beard burn, abandonment, mention of vomiting (but not explicit). A/N: Reader is a civilian. Steve is (kind of) a jerk, but for a good reason tbh. It dangerous, obviously. Sharon and Steve are not a thing. Reader and Steve have been in a relationship since 2014.

You can't slow your heartbeat, that's the one thing you notice when the very publicized signing of the Sokovia Accords in Vienna ended in an event of terrorism, a bombing, killing the King of Wakanda and countless others. You'd hardly spoken to Steve, especially since Ross demanded he sign the Accords, and he'd refused. Peggy's funeral had passed them by and Steve was, quite rightly, distraught. Your thoughts drift to Natasha, your best friend, who was meant to be in Vienna for the signing. You shakily pulled out your phone as it buzzes, expecting it to be your boyfriend, but sighing in relief as a text message from Natasha comes through. I'm fine. Stay put. You let your phone fall to the floor. They were saying it was the Winter Soldier, and all you were wondering at the moment was where the fuck was your boyfriend.

Your hands covered your eyes as you started to take deep breaths. You stood up from your place on the couch, biting your knuckle as you paced the Brooklyn apartment. Eventually the sound of keys jingling on the other side of your front door became evident to you and you took a step back, holding your breath. And then Steve came through the door, "Y/N, I'm been calling you," He muttered, shutting the door, locking and bolting it behind him.

"What's happening?" You demand, voice unsteady. Steve was eerily quiet. He appeared as though he hadn't shaved in days, and it showed. Likely not since Peggy had passed.

"He didn't do it." Steve stated after a moment. You look at him hesitantly.

"Baby, it's all over the news..." You watched as Steve shook his head, walking to the bedroom and pulling a duffle bag off the top shelf, beginning to stuff clothes from his drawer in it. "What are you doing?"

"I've got to find him." You were taken aback. Not signing the Accords was one thing, though you didn't think Steve would ever lay down the shield willingly, but this? This was treason, wasn't it? Against the law? You took a deep breath. If Steve was doing this, he had good reason to believe it. And you would too. You weren't engaged and there was no ring on your finger to say it for you, but then again "for better or for worse" went without saying.

"Okay. Hand me my bag." You stated, hand outstretched. Steve looked over at you, expression vacant but blue eyes piercing. "...what?"

"No." He said firmly. You scoffed in disbelief.

"I'm coming with you." You declared stubbornly. You try to soldier past him into the closet, though you didn't really expect to be able to move him to the side. "Steve, just hand me my bag. I'm not letting you go alone."

He shook his head. "I'm not alone, Sam's coming with me."

You gave him a pointed look, "You know what I mean." And for a moment, he drops his bag onto the floor and turns to embrace you. You're on the defensive, though, hands placed against his pectorals and pushing him away. "No. No way. I'll stay at some safe house, but I'm not letting you go without me."

Steve looked to be some mix between forlorn and exasperated. "Baby, listen. This is dangerous."

Another scoff of disbelief falls from your lips, "Yeah. I know." And in a simple split second, Steve's demeanor changes, walls fall, and he shifts his weight, twisting to take your bag down from the top shelf of the closet. "Wait, are you serious?" You asked, "Just like that?"

Steve sighed, nodding. "Well, you're one of the only people I know who's as stubborn as I am," He admitted, shoving the bag into your arms. "We gotta pack fast, doll. Sam's picking me up as soon as night falls, we've got a lead in Romania."

Romania. The two of you were in England, so that'd be what? Thirty hours, give or take, by car? A sixth of that if they flew? How were they even going to get there? You blew out a short breath, moving to your dresser and pulling out clothes, shoving it into your bag. You drift to the bathroom and do the same with toiletries. "How are we getting there?" You called over your shoulder.

"Don't worry about it," Steve called back. "You done?" You replied in the affirmative and he made his way into the bathroom taking your full bag from you and dropping it at the foot of the bed. He cupped the side of your face, looking at you as if studying your features, something you didn't really think too hard on at the time.

"Are you okay?" You asked quietly. He nodded, kissing your forehead.

"I will be. I've got my girl with me." He muttered into your hairline. You pulled back, placing your own hand on the crook of his neck, pulling him down to kiss you.

"We've got hours, right?" You muttered against his lips. He nodded, grunting as his hands found your hips and hoisted you up with ease, his lips finding yours again. "I love you." You murmured.

"I love you," He replied swiftly, lips connecting once more as he held you steady with a hand cupping your lower back, pulling the bathroom door open and walking through it to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He gently tossed you on the bed, crawling over you, his hands intertwining with yours.

Bodies moved in tandem like a well-oiled machine, his five o'clock shadow rough against your petal soft cheek, against your chest as he fixed his mouth to the supple skin of your breast. His kisses trailed south, across your navel, on your exposed hip, and his fingers swiftly pulled your cloth shorts and unmentionables down, past your thighs, your knees, throwing them to some corner of the room to be found later.

His mouth connected with your core, tongue circling your clit. The burn between your thighs as he devoured you sent a jolt of electricity up your spine and your hands covered your mouth as you moaned out. He plied the use of his hands, thick digits slowly sinking into your cunt and one of your hands hit the bed, gripping the sheets tightly and pulling the sheet up as he brought you closer to the edge.

"Steve," You moaned. Your mouth fell open and you writhed beneath his touch, "I need you," You whined, and for a moment, he stopped, and you watched as he lifted his head to lock eyes with you, chin glistening with your juices after he'd consumed your cunt like a man starved. He stood, sending his shoes flying as he took them off, then unbuckling his belt, tossing it aside and kicking off his slacks and boxers. He parted your legs, crawling back over you and positioning himself with your soaking slit, sinking in without warning, causing a loud moan to escape your lips.

A particularly hard thrust had a sharp intake of breath leaving your body, his thrusts meaningful and particular. He was not slow, with each piston of his hips jolting her body, eliciting some noise. "Let me hear you," He begged in your ear, breath hot, voice low. You were all to happy to oblige, especially as you felt the coil in your core quickly winding up and burning red hot with desire. Your moans were loud and wanton and you could tell Steve was relishing in the way you completely gave him your body, your words, your mind.

His hands were everywhere. Within his bruising grasp, Steve desperately grabbed at the supple flesh of your ass, groping and pulling with each fluid movement. Sweat from his brow dripped down onto you, and as he hit a particular spot within you, you shuddered, suddenly going rigid and crying out as your walls clenched around his length, and you came. "That's it, baby," He crooned, his breath hot in your ear. You tapped him fervently on his shoulder, moving to take a different position.

He reentered you from behind as you flipped onto you stomach, Steve pulling your hips up and towards him. He brought his hands to cup your breasts, one hand trailing down to grip your hip for better leverage as he fucked into you. He pulled you up straight as he fucked you from behind so your back was flush with his chest, lips attached to you neck, marking you, leaving bites and hickeys as the rough movements of his hips became more fluid and more frenzied.

He was nearing his peak. You could always tell. He was faster, he made more noise, his breathing would change. Currently, he was breathing hard into your ear, leaning against you for support as he chased his high and quickly coaxed a second orgasm from you. It was almost overwhelming, this feeling of him inside of you, you looked over your shoulder at him as he began to grunt, began to pant faster and almost whine.

You were close too, and seeing the blissed out, desperate look on his face-- seeing his head tilted back and feeling how he slammed into you, you cried out, cumming around his cock once again. He was muttering like a madman, sweet nothings as his thrusts slowed, his hips jerked, "So good for me, so good..." Steve buried his face in your neck and let out a low groan, emptying his load inside you. You never felt so close to him as you usually did in these moments, fucked out together, feeling rope after rope of white hot spend battering your insides, feeling the little movements of his hips as he rode out his high.

The two of you fell to the mattress, Steve's heavy weight on top of you, weighing you down as you warmed his cock, the pair of you catching your breaths. After a moment of silence, he placed a kiss behind your ear, and the onslaught of kisses that he placed from your neck to your shoulder. After a few more minutes, him moving to cradle your figure from behind. You groaned in protest as Steve removed himself from you.

You felt his spend spill from your entrance, thinly coating your thighs and you flipped onto your back, gazing at him with nothing but love as he walked to the bathroom to likely get a washcloth for the aftercare, his usual routine. "Marry me." You muttered to him. You saw him freeze, turning back to look at you. "I know you heard me," You teased him. "We're running away, right? We're gonna save Bucky, and it'll be awhile before..." You sighed, sitting up. "I'm all in. That's what I mean. I'm all in. With you." You were startled as he walked over to pick you up off the bed, kissing you, and you grinned widely, giggling and peppering his face with kisses. "Is that a yes?"

Steve nodded, laughing softly, "That's a yes, Y/N/N." He carried you to the bathroom, turning on the faucet to the showerhead and kissed you softly, directing you into the tiled vessel.

After taking a quick shower in the bathroom, which included a slow and steamy round two, you flopped ungracefully back onto your bed, sleepy fingers fussing with the fitted sheet, having annoyingly come undone as he'd ravished you earlier. He settled in next to you, playing with your hair. The clock read 19:15. Finally giving up your battle with the bedspread, you ended up turning over, and snuggling into Steve's side. "Sam'll be here at midnight, right?" You watched him nod. "Don't let me sleep too long." You murmured, closing your eyes and yawning.

"I won't."

He lied.

Perhaps the only reason you woke up, two and a half hours later, was because you felt Steve hug and roll. The mattress dipped under the stress of his weight, and you, at first, thought he was heading to the restroom. But then you heard him picking up one of his bags, and you sat up quickly, almost glaring at him. "You were never going to bring me with you." You stated.

He shook his head. "No."

"Please, stay." You said softly, desperately. Steve was quiet, hand on the doorknob. "Please, just-" You didn't know how else to phrase it. "Please stay."

"Even though you know I don’t want to?" His voice was low, and serious. A tone he'd never taken with you before, left you breathless- and not in a good way.

"Yes." You breathing was faster now, he opened the bedroom door, walking out to the living room. You leapt out of bed like a bat out of hell, sliding right in front of him with your hands up. "Baby, think about it. Just think. I-If you sign the Accords, Tony can help you, right? The Avengers can help, and it won't break the team apart. You can convince Ross, I know you can, just don't do this. You said that we would... why would you say yes to me if you were just going to..." You were at a loss for words.

He was still quiet, before breaking the choking silence, "Stay put." Just like what Nat said. Your stomach twisted. "I'll be back before you know it, everything will be... fine. We'll have a church wedding, a house, a damn white picket fence if you want. I have to go, baby."

You dropped your bag onto the floor, shaking your head, "You don't believe that. Because if you did, you'd be looking at me. Because you've been lying to me the entire time you've been here, right? About why you've been here? I'm not stupid, Steven! You won't even fucking look at me! This is treason! You'd be a fucking war criminal, baby!" You exclaimed, wiping the tears as they welled up in your waterline.

He pushed past you, unlocking and unbolting the front door, hand hesitating on the knob as he spoke, "I didn't say you were, Y/N. I promise, I will be back."

Your jaw set, teeth grinding against teeth and you shook your head, "You're not fucking stupid either, Steve. If you go without me, I'm not going to be here when you get back!"

More silence.

And then...

"I know."

The knob twisted, and as Steve walked out of the apartment, the sound of the door slamming shut was synchronic with the sound of your breaking heart. Your hand covered your mouth, and you sank to the floor, a scream of... what? Sorrow? Heartbreak? Anger? Regardless, it was muffled by the skin covering your lips. Because even as he left you, you couldn't bring yourself to draw attention to his leaving. You still wanted to protect him.

For a moment it felt as though you were struggling to breathe, and as your stomach twisted further, your nerves on fire and slowly becoming sick, you bolted up from your place collapsed on the floor, scrambling to the bathroom and heaving into the toilet. Tears flooded your cheeks as you sobbed, as you heaved, as you choked on your own bile.

Damn him. Fucking damn him.

Everything was blurring together; time especially. How long had you been on the floor before running here to get sick? You coughed and hacked, trying to grab your mouthwash cup just to get some water down your throat, tryin g to dampen this parasympathetic response possessing your body and causing such turmoil, though none of it undue. You glanced at the clock, finally, as the water slipped down your esophagus and your stomach began to bear some semblance of settling.

God, was it already midnight?

As you slowly came back to yourself, you brushed your teeth. You jumped in the shower. You made your way unsteadily back into the bedroom, you picked your phone from your nightstand. Text message alert. From Steve.

I love you. I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm tossing this phone so they can't track it. Don't do anything stupid until I get back. I hope you'll still be there. Please understand, I had to. It's Bucky. I had to.

Against your better judgement, you dialed his number. When the call went straight to voicemail, that's when it really hit you. You swallowed thickly, walking to your balcony door and stepping outside, and throwing it as hard and as far as you could muster. You watched under the light of streetlamps as it landed in the street. No tracking his number, no reading your texts, especially as the phone shattered against the pavement four stories below. A car and its tires obliterated the remnants, and you let out a shaky breath.

He was gone. Steve was really gone.

And you were alone.

[iamjacksragingboner]

Overprotective Soap Part 2

Word Count: 2.4K

Warnings: Mild NSFW, no smut

Part One

Part Three

A/N: Been fiddling around with this part two/collection of events for a couple days now, if this does poorly I'll actually do something drastic. Anyways enjoy whatever this is

After about a week of Johnny finding excuses to sleep over at yours, he eventually stopped looking for ways to weasel into your bed. You eventually gave up on caring about Johnny’s impromtu take over of your apartment, living under the impression that he was probably just over protective, and would leave once your foot was healed.

Under the guise of this optimism, you fell into a routine with Johnny, treating him a little like an overeager puppy, careful not to say or do anything that would trigger his desire to help you when you didn’t need to be aided. If you were lucky, you could put on the TV and sit with him for a while, and once you were sure he was enraptured by whatever was happening onscreen, you would sneak off to shower or get a breath of fresh air.

Johnny wasn’t stupid though—on the contrary, he was frighteningly intelligent—and he caught onto your tricks within about a week. To combat you sneaking off, he had begun to hold your hand whenever he was near you, his thumb idly tracing your knuckles as you both sat, your legs on his lap, and watched TV. Anytime he felt your hand slip from his, his eyes would flick to you expectantly, his head tilting in a manner not unlike a dog. Any innocence in the face of a dog was lost in Johnny’s knowing, almost taunting gaze.

“Need anythin’, lass?”

You cleared your throat, eyes darting to Johnny’s hand wrapping around yours once more, playing delicately with your fingers absentmindedly. “I just need to shower, that’s all.”

His eyes lit up, and you swore he started to salivate at the prospect.

“Alone,” you clarified, and he frowned.

“What if ye fall in the shower? I cannae be there to catch ye if I’m locked out now, lass, can I?”

You brushed off his concerns and stood, retracted your hand from his, and ignored the cold loss of contact. “I’ll be fine, Johnny. If I need anything, I’ll call out to you, I promise.”

Unluckily for you, this seemed to be the one time you actually needed Johnny’s help, as you slipped and took a tumble in the shower, knocking your head on the wall as you fell.

Within an instant, Johnny had forced the sliding door open with an almighty crash and rushed to your side. Falling to his knees, he ran his hands along you, eyes frantically scanning you for any sign of injury.

“Steamin’ bloody Jesus, are ye hurt bonnie? Ye bleedin’? What’d ye do?”

You hissed in pain as you let Johnny’s hands take over you, for once taking comfort in his concern for you. “Fuck, my ass,” you said, wincing.

“That can be arranged later, but are ye in any pain currently?”

For a brief moment you forgot your pain as you rolled your eyes at the man before you, unsure whether to hit him in the face or the balls first. You were quickly brought back to reality as your head and foot throbbed in pain.

“Fell on my foot weird and bumped my head too, fuck that hurt like a bitch,” you spat, hand going to cup the side of your head, but Johnny's own hand beat you to it. His rough and calloused hand almost petted your hair, and you found yourself leaning into the touch. Your eyes met his, and a look of sheer affection and care passed over his eyes, making your heart momentarily stutter in your chest.

"Ye don't seem concussed to me, bonnie, but lets wrap ye up in a towel and get that foot propped up, an' I'll keep an eye on ye for the time bein'. That sound alright?"

You couldn't help but nod and for once accept the care that Johnny was offering you. For once he wasn't making (as many) lewd jokes, wasn't hovering over you like some sort of housefly, wasn't finding ways to bother you with his mild creepiness. You watched with tentative owl-like eyes as he turned off the shower and wrapped you in a towel, careful not to touch you anywhere he shouldn't, careful not to startle you as he lifted you.

He carried you as though you were precious cargo, cradled you with your head tucked into his chest as if he were rescuing you from a burning building and fuck, didn't that feel nice; to be cared for.

You felt almost empty when he placed you delicately in your bed, whining at the loss of contact and shivering at the lack of warmth.

"Ach, I ken, lass, I ken. I'll be there in a moment, don't ye worry yer bonnie little head," Johnny cooed, and you watched as he walked into the kitchen to grab ice for your foot, wrapping it up in a hand towel before propping it under your foot.

You sighed, for once not in annoyance, as he climbed into bed with you, tucking your body into his side and running his hand through your hair. Despite being naked in bed with a fully clothed man, for once you didn't feel uncomfortable around Johnny. You felt safe.

"Thanks, Johnny," you whispered, your heart stuttering once more as you felt his chest rumble in acknowledgment, his chin resting on your head.

Following this incident, you're less inclined to bat Johnny away as he hovers around you, his hands darting to your sides if you even slightly wobble. Of course, it doesn't make it any less annoying; you're mostly just happy to know it all comes from a place of genuine concern.

Showers are different now. Johnny has taken to getting in with you, with the excuse that your body is "nothin' I haven't seen before, lass, and I cannae have ye fallin' and hittin' yer head again now, can I?"

You supposed he was right to be concerned, but there was no way you were letting him stand in that tiny shower with you. At his towering height, you were sure his body would catch the majority of the water, and you'd leave the shower no cleaner than when you got in. Johnny instead had to settle for standing just outside the shower, blue eyes piercing through the glass screen of the shower and roaming all over your body whenever he felt you weren't paying attention to him. Licking his lips like a starved animal when you ran your hands along your breasts, the curve of your waist, the arch of your back, washing the soap suds from your body.

There were times when you'd felt a little adventurous, putting on a show for the man as you showered, dragging your hands along your body as though you were on stage, but never looking at Johnny. If you looked at him, you feared he'd know your game, know that you were doing this on purpose, doing this to taunt him.

He never reacted the way you expected. The minute you stepped out of the shower, patting yourself dry with your towel agonisingly slowly, he was out of the bathroom, out of your apartment and back in his own apartment, muttering to himself all the way, to go do god knows what. Was he flustered? Or was he that damn horny that he needed to leave the apartment you'd shared for a month now so that he could sort himself out? God only knew.

Roughly three months of this had passed, three months of a back and forth sexual tension that never seemed to amount to anything, and Johnny still hadn't left your apartment. Despite the fact that you were walking completely fine now, your foot confirmed via doctor and x-ray that it was healed, Johnny was still in your apartment.

You tried broaching the topic lightly, spouting nonsense to him about how happy you were that your foot was healed now. He shared in your joy of course, but didn't make any effort to budge from “his spot” on the couch. You continue onward, talking about how excited you were to get back to doing things for yourself, and how exhausted he must be from helping you for so long.

“Ah it’s no trouble, bonnie, no sweat off my back helpin' ye out.” The way he grinned at you suggested either he was completely oblivious to your attempts at getting him to leave, or he was well and truly aware but knew he had somehow already won this battle. You had no idea which it was.

Once you were sure he wouldn't take indirect, passive aggressive comments, you dropped the big guns. "My foot isn't broken anymore," you said, matter-of-factly one day, sitting across from Johnny at the table.

Johnny frowned, ducking under the table for a brief moment, before resurfacing once more. "Well, yer certainly not cut out tae be a detective, pretty sure it's been outta that boot for about a week or two now, lass."

You bit your cheek to keep from grinning, and soldier onwards. "So when are you moving out?"

Johnny's fork clatters to the table, and you fear he may even start to tear up, based on the look on his face. "Move out?" he sputters, getting up to walk around the table to you, placing his hands on the back of your chair and bending down to your eye level. "I cannae move out now, lass, not when yer in the most dangerous stage of healin' a broken bone!"

You raised a brow at the man. "The most dangerous stage?" you deadpanned. There was no way this man was serious. You were completely healed, the doctor had confirmed it to the pair of you—mostly to Johnny—multiple times.

"Of course, it's when the doctor tells ye yer healed that yer most likely tae break it again. Ye put too much trust in the bone and start bein' reckless, and all of a sudden yer on the floor again with a secondary fracture, and ye've kicked me out and ye cannae call for help and ye bleed tae death on the floor."

You blink up at Johnny, trying as hard as you can to find some sort of wriggle room that will create some space between you. "Johnny I promise you, I won't get up to anything reckless. I wasn't even a reckless person before the break, I doubt I’d go and do anything dangerous now.”

He clicked his fingers at you, eyes wide. "And that there's yer issue! Ye don't even need tae do anythin' reckless tae break a bone, lass; it happens in the blink of an eye!" He stood back up to his full height with his arms crossed and stared down at you with a steely gaze. "I'm stayin' right here, keepin' ye safe through this perilous period, whether ye think ye need it or not."

You begrudgingly drop it for a little, keeping a cautious eye on him as he continued to flit about your apartment through the days, cleaning as he went, cooking the two of you meals from the recipe book he'd bought recently, sitting across from you at the table and smiling warmly at you whenever you made eye contact, squeezing your hand as you sat on the couch together. There were times when he'd approach you from behind as you stood washing dishes in the kitchen. He'd wrap his arms around your middle and rest his chin on your shoulder just to watch you as you worked.

"You need anything?" You muttered to him, as he nosed at your neck.

His hands slipped to your waist and gave it a squeeze. "Nah," he murmured, his hot breath tickling your neck and making your own catch in your throat. "Just wanted to hold ye for a bit."

Over time, you begin to become suspicious that Johnny might have convinced himself that the two of you are dating, given the way he looks at you, the way he holds you, the way he cradles you in bed at night. With such constant close contact, even you begin to question whether you would consider this normal for neighbours to do. A voice in the back of your mind tells you it's very much not, and you should probably just bite the bullet and confront the situation head on, like that's ever going to happen. You were quick to silence that voice.

Johnny's obsession with keeping you as close as possible bleeds out into your trips out as well, always in contact with you somehow as you walk together to the park or the library, holding your hand as if you're his lifeline.

On the rare off-chance that he happened to briefly not be by your side one day, another man approached you, and you chatted absentmindedly. He seemed friendly enough, and you found yourself enjoying this casual conversation. You frowned when the colour seemed to suddenly drain from the man's face, his eyes staring up at something behind you.

You were reassured, if not a little dejected, to feel a familiar hand wrap around your own, knowing it was just Johnny behind you, and not some murderer.

"Ye mind steppin' back from my girl?" Johnny seethed, and the man put his hands up in surrender.

"All yours, pal. We were just chatting, honestly."

You felt bad for the guy, offering him an apologetic look as Johnny stared daggers at him.

"Just chattin, aye? Is eyein' her up 'just chattin'? Tryin tae stake yer claim on what’s not yers? I'm not daft, I know what ye were doin'. I best not see ye near my girl again, aye?"

You turned to Johnny, horrified at the prospect of him threatening someone over something as trivial as a conversation, and tried to apologise to the man as best as you could. "Sorry, he's not usually like this, I promise. He's actually a sort of okay guy once you get to know him, I swear."

The man looked incredulously between you and Johnny, before shaking his head. "You oughta put a leash on him," he muttered, giving Johnny a dirty look. "Fuckin guard dog of a man," he spat, before trudging away.

In an instant, you whipped around to look at Johnny, horrified. "What the fuck was that?"

Johnny shrugged, not meeting your gaze. "Didn't like the way he was lookin' at ye."

You rolled your eyes and grabbed his hand, steering the pair of you in the direction of our apartment your apartment. "Didn't like the way he was looking at me, honestly," you muttered under your breath, only feeling partly annoyed at Johnny scaring off some random guy you were happily speaking to. You promptly ignored the part of you that was quite happily turned on by the way Johnny so eagerly protected what he thought was his, and especially ignored the part of you that secretly enjoyed the idea. Being his.

What a strange thought.

[bullet-prooflove]

send me a made-up fic title and i'll tell you what i would write to go with it...

"Seasons Change"

Maybe about Lassiter? (because I love how you write him). 🥺🤍

Tagging: @elefrog25-blog  @ineedbrainbleach  @secretsquirrelinc  @kmc1989

It’s spring and you’ve been Carlton’s partner for almost six months by now. The two of you have fallen into an easy rhythm, you work well together but it bothers him a little that he barely knows a damn thing about you.

“You are far too closed off.” He tells you in the midst of a stake out. “We’ve been partners for months and I don’t even know your first name. I’ve had to resort to calling you Bunny.”

“You’re one to talk.” You retort as you take a sip from your coffee cup. “Everything I know about you is surface level.”

He pauses then because he thinks that can’t be right but then he thinks back through all of his own liaisons since the separation, how he avoids the personal questions, immerses himself in his work. It’s the only thing he allows himself to talk about because anything else leaves him feeling too vulnerable, too raw. He’s never thought of himself as warm and cuddly but it isn’t until now that he realises he comes off as cold.

“Not cold.” You correct him with the shrug of your shoulders. “Just not forthcoming.”

“I can be forthcoming.” He snaps back at you because honesty he’s feeling a little wounded. He had no idea until this very moment how much he’d shut down, his defensive he’s become. “It’s you who has the problem.”

“OK then let’s play a game.” You say, setting your reuseable coffee cup down on the dashboard before turning your entire attention towards him. His breath catches in his throat because those eyes, they get him everytime. “You get real with me and I’ll get real with you.”

He loosens his tie then because it’s about to get all real up in here. He peppers you with questions and you volley them back like a tennis player in a semifinals match.

He discovers you like watching the sunset on the beach after a tough case because it reminds you that there’s beauty in the world. You left LA because your ex husband told you he didn’t love you anymore. You had just stepped out of the shower, you didn’t even have a towel wrapped around you when he told you that he was leaving you. You have an odd fascination with lighthouses, you don’t know why but you’ve always liked them, it’s one of the reasons you moved to Santa Barbara.

“You moved here because of a lighthouse?” He questions you, because if that isn’t the most impulsive thing he’s ever heard, he doesn’t know what is.

“The day after it happened, I just got in my car and decided to take a drive. There was too much stuff going on and I needed to think. I ended up here, parked outside the lighthouse and in that moment I just knew it was going to be ok.” You tell him, the edges of your mouth tipping up into a small smile. “My life was falling apart and I don’t know, just being there, it gave me a sense of peace amongst all the chaos.”

“I could have done with somewhere like that.” He says, shaking his head as he leans back into his seat. “Those first few months of the separation were rough, I didn’t think I’d make it…”

The words slip out before he means them to and he realises the enormously of what he’s just revealed. He never thought of himself as suicidal, not really but there were nights when he sat in that crappy apartment cleaning his gun wondering what it would feel like to pull the trigger, if it would drown out all the anguish he felt, the noise in his head.

Your hand comes to rest on his and he stares down at it surprised.

“There were times back in LA, that I thought about just walking into the sea. I would imagine the water coming up to my hips, my chest, my neck, the current just taking me…”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” He says quietly, his fingers entwining with yours. “Seasons change, the winter doesn’t feel so bad once the spring sets in.”

If that isn’t a summary of the past six months of your life that you don’t know what is.

“Yea.” You say softly as your gaze meets his. “I can’t imagine what the summer will bring.”

Love Carlton? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[sportswriters]

so obvious - j. kotkaniemi

pairing: jesperi kotkaniemi x female!reader | a, f | situationship to lovers | wc: 1.4k | warnings: emotional constipation, kind of idiots to lovers, reader is not a blonde white skinny wag (i’m sorry y’all keep scrolling if you mind it), mentions of sex | 🖊: namu

“y/n, of course i like you. what kind of question is that?”

after a night out, you got back to your apartment with jesperi. you locked in your pain as much as you could to at least try to enjoy hanging out with his teammates. they were cool, this is not about them, far from it. the guys were fun, and so were their wives and girlfriends. that’s what triggered you the most, why would jesperi invite you to a place where everyone had their significant other? something was not clicking.

“then why are you scared of dating me?”

“dating? is it not obvious that's exactly what we're doing? we spend a lot of time together, i don't get your point.”

you were shocked he could be so oblivious. you weren’t used to showing your feelings very often, being insecure for things that happened in the past that made you prioritize being vocal. jesperi was aware of how you felt about this whole situationship, which worked, but his mixed signals were making you mad.

jesperi was the complete opposite. he’s affectionate, he’s touchy, but these actions turned his communication little to none. his idea of friends with benefits has shown to be more like a relationship without the title. what’s the difference between what you have and what his friends have with their significant other? 

“my point is that whatever we have only works when we're alone. it's been three months, jesperi, three months and just today you introduced me as a friend to your teammates. i could be literally any other girl.”

“don't say that. you know it's not true.” he dared to be offended.

“do i? do i, really? because i need words, i need sentences that speak louder than your actions. you touch me like i'm the only one that matters, then you go out there and act like i'm just anyone. you touch me, jesperi… you touch me like you love me, but i know you don't. in fact, just as you said, it should be obvious by now, right?”

“y/n, i… i don’t know if i can give you what you want. i thought it was enough.”

“don't you dare say that to me. you don't get to lock yourself in your own head and then tell me i’m asking for too much. your damn toothbrush is in my bathroom right now, jesperi! why would i give you small spaces around my place if i didn't mean it?”

he didn't fight back. he stood there, looking everywhere but at you.

“i'm sorry if i ended up falling for a made up version of you. but i'm serious when i say that i don't want to be with someone who's not ready to be as committed as i am,” you said, doing your best to not let your voice waver. “i’m going out for a while, i need you to pack up your stuff and go. you know where to leave your key.”

you changed your boots for a pair of more comfortable shoes and grabbed your purse again. not a word from him, still. you bit your lip and shook your head in disappointment, going for the door. but as soon as you got there, jesperi softly called your name.

“yeah?”

“just… be safe, okay?”

you frowned, but nodded your head anyways, trying to fight the urge to argue again. the urge to beg him to make you stay. he didn't.

“i'll try.”

***

after pondering for half an hour, jesperi couldn't handle the silence. he couldn't handle the emptiness of that apartment without you — the safe space you let him join, just for him to ruin everything. so he called seth, well aware what reaction he would get for reaching out so late.

“are you fucking kidding me, kk? it's two in the morning.”

“y/n left. we had a situation.”

“y/n? oh, your wife?”

“she's not my wife, well, guess that was the problem.”

“wait, what the hell is going on?”

“she got disappointed because i introduced her as a friend to you guys earlier.”

“you know that no one believed that for a second, right? you were obviously in love out there.”

“what?”

“kk, it's two a.m., i don't know if i didn't tell you already.” seth sighed. “are you for real? you let her go because you can't commit?”

jesperi went silent.

“shit. you are stupid. just… just call her, alright? man up a little, don't lose something special just for the sake of being dumb.”

“yeah, i guess i really messed up.”

“you guess? jesperi, do you love y/n?”

“i do. so much. damn, i love her for real.”

“then go get her and let me fucking sleep! i have practice tomorrow, do not wake me up again, loser.”

then he hung up, leaving jesperi alone with his own epiphany.

***

when you returned home, jesperi was sleeping on your side of the bed. he looked like he just fell asleep, which was weird for two reasons: the sun was already up and you realized you knew him well enough to notice his breathing pattern. jesperi didn’t look relaxed at all.

you took your time in the shower, wondering what to say when the dreaded conversation arised. you loved that man, you knew he was being dumb. seth gave you the confirmation a few hours ago with the text: “that dumbass thinks he’s fooling someone. don’t believe any situationship shit talk he tries to pull up. kk loves you, it’s fucking obvious.”

you found him properly seated when you got back. he had these puppy eyes staring at you, biting his lips like it’s the only thing that could save him. oh, you wanted to hear what he had to say. it was funny, to be honest. he looked lost a few hours without you after the final word.

“hi.”

“hi, sorry i woke you up.”

“it’s alright, wasn’t really sleeping. just realized i sleep better when i’m with you.” he gulped.

you rolled your eyes, trying to hold a smile.

“yeah? realized anything else while i was gone?”

jesperi patted the bed, silently asking you to come closer.

“i thought you knew i loved you all this time,” he said in such a forward way that made you stop abruptly, still standing near the bed. “what? is it such a surprise?”

“no, it’s just weird to hear you say it.”

“what do you mean? are you cringing with the fact that this dumbass right here loves you so much?”

“alright, alright. keep going!” you couldn’t help but laugh.

as soon as you got closer, you reached for his hand, sending a green light for him to get comfortable. jesperi clearly took a deep breath after feeling your warmth again.

“i don’t believe we started it wrong, but i guess we should’ve updated some stuff sooner,” he ponders. “i panicked for whatever reason, i don’t know, i don’t want to be a bad memory for you.”

“i get it. that’s why i value being vocal… i need us to be on the same page so things like these don’t happen again.”

“of course i love you, of course i want to show you off. look—”

he was about to hold your waist, then stopped.

“go on, baby.” you laid back, bringing him down with you. he seemed to be going through it without touching you properly.

he hovered over you, holding his weight to look over your face. he trailed kisses from your jaw to your neck while his left hand caressed your waist softly.

“how gorgeous, how clever, how fucking hot you are. sorry for being stupid enough to not be vocal about how amazing it is to be with you. how amazing it is to be your man.”

you lifted one of your hands to cup his face, loving every second of this.

“i love you too. jarvy was right though, you can’t fool anyone.”

jesperi threw his head back with a frustrated groan, “oh, do not mention this loser when i’m so vulnerable and so close to fucking you, please! such a turn off!”

he tried to back up, but you went along, now being the one on top.

“you were the loser for a few hours, so there’s a lot to make up for.” you grinned.

“a lot?”

“can’t take it?”

he watched you for a second, something twitching in his eyes. his hold tightened around you.

“spicy. guess it’s that time of the day where i make you forget your own words, right?”

[alaydabug2]

Secret Santa 2024

Run by @song-tam

This is my secret Santa project for my lovely cognate @wow-youre-so-pretty !

I have absolutely zero idea how I got you for it, but I had so much fun writing this!

Ngl motivation was so low it was playing limbo with the devil at first but then it finally started rolling

*cough* over 3500 word count *cough* 👀

Ummmm.... I was struggling really hard tk at least get 1000 believe it or not but... yeah

I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!!!

(FYI this will probably be the last time you ever ask me to write you angst 😅)

⚠️CONTAINS UNRAVELED SPOILERS AND SUICIDIAL IDEATION⚠️

(Keefe pov)

The eerie stillness of the emotions in the hallway spooked him. He was hoping that by the time he went back to Foxfire, the silence of emotions would go away, and he could go back to normal. However, things seemed to be taking a turn for the worse.

Hopefully, his empathy teacher would be able to help him get to the bottom of what was happening. The lack of progress he'd made on his own made him apprehensive. If he couldn't turn his empathy back on, he didn't want to know where that would spiral to.

Then, with the other developments while he was with the Forbidden Cities, he felt like he was currently falling apart. His hands were cold, and the more walls he built around the pools of energy in his mind, the more than achy feeling set in into the palms of his hands.

He sat in the chair across from Lady Velle, his mentor. She studied him for a moment before starting the lesson for the day.

Keefe kept fumbling to pretend his empathy wasn't majorly screwed up at the moment. A cold sweat trickled down his back when Lady Velle finally held up a hand to cut him off. It had been the fifth one in a row he got wrong. Only one he had gotten correct, and that was truly just because of a lucky guess.

"What's going on with you, Keefe?" She asked. "You're usually spectacular at this."

He debated how much to say. After a couple of breaths, he said, "Say, hypothetically, an empath shut off their ability, and couldn't turn it back on. What could that empath do to get it back on?"

Lady Velle crossed her arms. He shifted his gaze away from hers.

"Hypothetically, that would be impossible," she informed him. "Abilities can't be shut off once their triggered."

"Ok. But hypothetically, what if someone did?"

She stepped closer, brushing her thumb across the back of his hand and furrowing her brows. Keefe tensed up, afraid his mental blocking might not be enough to keep from something awful happening when she touched his hand.

"Your emotions are difficult to decipher," Lady Velle murmured. "But there's a lot of uncertainty. And fear. How did you do this to yourself?"

Keefe wrapped his arms around himself, unsure of how much he should tell her.

"The human emotions, they were too much for my empathy. So, I tried to visualize a switch connected to all the emotions and shut it off. Part of the string connected to them were tangled, so I unraveled it. I haven't been able to feel emotions, even with contact, since."

Lady Velle leaned on the wall and sighed. "That... is a first I've heard of, to be honest. Quite a talent, I'll admit. But have you tried flipping the switch back on?"

He scoffed. Of course he tried flipping it back on! He gave his mentor a quick nod.

"Have you tried retangling the threads?"

He had... not. He shook his head.

"Try it," she urged.

Keefe closed his eyes. He went back to the giant switch in the back of his consciousness. The strings attached were straight and in uniform, side by side.

He tried to mix them together. Tried to intertwine them. Didn't work. Had he really shut off his empathy for good?

He opened his eyes back up. "Nothing."

"There was something else when I read your emotions," Lady Velle said. "Dread. Almost like you're afraid of your empathy. Like you subconsciously don't want it. Why is that? Because that could be all the difference to turning it back on."

Keefe shrugged. He wasn't willing to let slip that much. Besides, it wasn't just his empathy he dreaded with all the other crap he'd been putting up with. Some of which weren't his right to tell.

Lady Velle looked out the window. She started to speak, but the chimes of session ending cut her off.

"Never mind," she muttered. "We'll continue this Thursday. Go to lunch."

Keefe grabbed his satchel and hurried out the door. Saved by the bell. Big time. He'd ditch Thursday. He didn't want his mentor prying further into the rabbit hole that was his life.

He went through the line and sat down at the table beside Sophie. It felt like all eyes on him. He was suddenly glad not to feel their questions buzzing through the air. It, however, didn't take away the weight of their glares.

Sophie could see the way he shifted in his seat. He kept his eyes downcast from the others. After everything that happened, he didn't feel a part of his friends anymore. He felt like an outcast. Maybe he should have just stayed in the Forbidden Cities with Alvar.

Keefe could have been eating pancakes right now. Instead, he was back at the place of horrid memories. Especially when he accidentally caught Dex's eye.

He wanted to make a joke to lighten things up. But now that he couldn't read anyone anymore, he was afraid of making jt worse. And when he opened his mouth to risk it, his tongue was dry. He couldn't make himself to it.

He could feel himself cracking. Too many pairs of eyes were staring straight through his soul. He felt himself shaking. His breath quickened.

Keefe truly thought he was ready to go back to Foxfire. He hoped getting back in his sessions would help him make sense of everything happening with his abilities.

He hoped being back with his friends would boost his morall and give him more motivation. No. The opposite effect was occurring. All of them staring at him like he was an alien creature made him realize how much him running away affected him. His friendships. His perception of life. The awful things he couldn't let slip. Not Alvar. Not Eleanor. Not his new healing ability.

He had never felt so outcasted. Not even his first few months at Foxfire, before the Great Gulon Incident that earned him his street cred. At least then he had Fitz. Not that he'd ever admit it out loud, for a while, they were the weird kids in the level.

This felt like a deeper kind of isolation.

One where he didn't know if there was a way out. One if he even thought living on to see another day was worth it. With the mixture of hopeless doom spiraling him into a darker head space and his mother's plans for him. He was genuinely considering the unthinkable.

The only thing stopping him was not having the stomach to do it himself. Sure, he was better with violence than most other elves. But taking his life with his own hand was too much. As much as everything hurt. As much as he couldn't stand to stay on this hopeless planet anymore. The thought made his nauseous and dizzy.

Keefe shook out of his dark train of thought when Jensj across the table told him, "Long time no see." A grin. "Glad to have you back!"

Keefe plastered wobbly, unconvincing smile onto his face. "Glad to be back," he lied.

Since when had Jensi been back sitting with them? Every time he thought he knew how much time had passed since being at school last, he was proven wrong once more. How much did he miss?

Keefe followed along the conversation best he could, more things he didn't understand being brought up, reminding him of how far left behind he was. He tried to stay out of the conversation.

That was until Jensi asked him, "Hey, Keefe, could you please pass me a napkin?"

Keefe glanced beside him to where the little black napkin dispenser was. "Uh, yeah, sure."

He stretched his arm across the table. But as he passed the napkin, their fingers brushed. Keefe froze.

No. No, no, no, no. No!

Keefe had built thick mental walls to keep this from happening. Why else did his hands feel so freezing cold it ached?

But it was unmistakable. The empty hollow feeling of someone who would never manifest. Of someone who was talentless.

He never wanted to feel that ever again in his life. But now, he had. And he felt sick.

He didn't even know whether Jensi had manifested or not yet. Now, here he was, with the knowledge that He. Never. Would.

Another burden on his shoulders. Another secret to carry. Another straw on the camel's back.

It was too much.

Dex gave him a look, sensing the wild look in his eyes. The quick nod Keefe gave in response said it all. Dex's face dropped.

Keefe was shaking. He excused himself to the bathroom and ran off into the hallway. He slid back against the locker and placed his head between his knees. Breaths came quick and short

Not again. Not again!

Another life he had ruined. Was he supposed to tell Jensi? How was he supposed to do that?

Jensi was close to the manifesting cut-off age. Could Keefe pretend to not know until he inevitably finds out. Did he already know?

Probably not. If so, he likely would have been kicked out of Foxfire already.

If it's going to happen anyway, would it be cruel to keep it from him? It's not like with Rex, who had years of hope left. Jensi was very well close to the age where, if you haven't manifested, they weed you out of the system.

Should Keefe rip off the bandage for him?

Keefe clutched his hair. Tears finally escaped. This was a nightmare. He couldn't deal with this. He didn't want to be the one deciding someone's fate.

He wanted- needed -it to end.

Maybe Ro left some lethal microbes back at the Shores of Solace. That mixed with a sedative would make it bearable.

Steps echoed through the empty hall. Keefe didn't have the willpower to pull himself together. He already decided he wouldn't be here much longer.

"Keefe?"

Keefe whipped his head up to meet Dex's eyes.

"It's not your fault." Dex sat beside him. "It's still going to end the same way if you hadn't found out."

Keefe sat on that for a second. "I have to tell him," he whispered.

"No, you don't," Dex assured him. "Sometimes oblivion is better."

"He's already to where they can take him out of Foxfire. If that's going to happen, I don't want him to think, 'What if?', you know."

Dex didn't speak for a moment. "I suppose you have a point. But are you sure you want him to know about your ability?"

"Not really. But... he deserves this more than I deserve privacy."

"I'm pretty confident that, if you ask him to, he won't say anything to anyone about your ability."

"You think?"

Dex pondered for a second longer. "I believe so. Question is, when do you want to do this?"

Keefe thought of his little microbe plan. "As soon as possible."

"So today or tomorrow?"

"That would work."

"If you want, I can be there when you tell him," Dex offered.

Keefe shook his head. "This is something that I need to do alone. I won't say anything about your brother in case you're worried about it."

"If you're sure he truly won't say anything, you can tell him about Rex if it helps soften the blow."

Keefe nodded. He dried his eyes before leaning his head back against the locker.

"Do you plan on heading back to lunch?" Dex asked.

"No. You can head back, though. I'll be fine here."

"Nah." Dex pulled his knees into his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. "I think I'll stay."

Keefe closed his eyes, wishing he was a telepath so he could give Dex a silent thank you. Instead he settled for trying to gather his thoughts in the quiet of the hallway, grateful to not feel totally alone.

The next day, Keefe waited in the same hall during lunch. He had asked Jensi during orientation to meet him there to talk.

The sound of someone heading down the tiled floor had his heart skip a beat. The curly headed boy appeared from around the corner.

"Sooo," Jensi drawled out the word. "What did you want to talk about?"

Keefe's mind drew a blank. He was regretting deciding to this plan.

"I wanted to talk about... ability detecting! How's it going?"

"Ability detecting?" Jensi asked. "That's what you wanted to talk to me in private about? If that's it we can talk about that at the lunch table." He turned to go back from where he came. "Cause I'm hungry."

"Wait!" Keefe squeezed his eyes shut. "It's not just about ability detecting. Has anyone told you about me manifesting a new ability yet?"

Jensi turned back around. "Kind of. They've mentioned it. But it was always vague, so I don't know what it is."

"Yeah... about that." Keefe's heart pounded against his ribs as a warning. "I can tell what people will manifest. And trigger it."

Jensi's eyes widened. "You can?" He got an overly giddy grin on his face. "Are you going to do that for me?"

Keefe needed to choose his next few words very carefully.

"I already did. Yesterday when I passed you the napkin."

Jensi tilted his head. "You did? When will it kick in? Is that why you left lunch? Does it take a toll on you or something?"

Keefe closed his eyes and swallowed. "You could say that. And... it's usually overnight when it kicks in."

Jensi furrowed his brows and studied his hands. "I don't feel any different. What was it?"

Keefe leaned against one of the lockers for support. He could already feel his knees shaking.

"Yeah. Before I tell you this text bit, can you promise me to keep this a secret? My ability can be mentioned at the lunch table. But this... you can't tell anyone. I got permission to tell you this as long as you can keep quiet. Can you do that?"

Jensi nodded.

"Ok," Keefe continued. "Yesterday, when I touched your hand, it felt... hallow. Empty. I've felt this twice before that. When I touched Rex's hand.... and Kesler's."

"But... Kesler never manifested."

"I know."

"But Rex..."

"I know."

Realization set heavy into Jensi's usually happy demeanor. He bit his lip hard.

"So your telling me... I'm talentless?"

"I'm so sorry. I wish I knew how to control this ability, and I thought I did, but-"

"It's ok," Jensi cut Keefe of from his downward spiral. His chin wobble. "I... had a feeling this was coming. Usually if you haven't manifested by level four, your not going to. I've just been waiting for them to finally give up on me and pull my classes."

Keefe nodded solemnly.

"I'm gonna head to lunch," Jensi told him. Keefe could feel the broken truth in his eyes even with his empathy screwed. "Are you coming?"

Keefe chewed his lip. "I'll be there in bit. You go ahead, I'll meet you there."

Jensi nodded and took a breath before heading back down to the lunch room.

Keefe went into the bathroom. He splashed his face with water. When he looked back at his reflection in the mirror, he could hardly recognize himself.

He was sixteen. But the heavy bags under his slightly crazed eyes mixed with his unusual palor made him look like an ancient. When he ran a hand through his hair to try and refresh its usual fluffynes, he half expected sharp points on his ears to poke through the blonde.

This wasn't a life he wanted to live.

He'd go straight to the Shores of Solace after school to look through the remainder of Ro's microbe stash, he'd decided. He already knew there was slumberry tea in the kitchen. He'd go out to the patio on the swing out by the ocean, somewhere quiet and peaceful, and do it there.

The end of the day rolled around. Keefe tried his best to separate from his friends to get to the leap master alone. Just when he thought he was in the clear, Sophie seemed to have materialized behind him.

"Keefe, where you going?" She asked him.

"I'm just going to get something from my dad's," he responded a little too quickly.

Foster's face fell. "You're not... leaving again, are you?"

She thought he was running away again. But... it was better for her to think that. She'd never let him out of her sight if she knew what he was planning to do. She cared for him. Way more than he knew he deserved. This was just another way he was letting her down.

Was he selfish for this?

Maybe.

But he wanted nothing to with his mom's plan. And he wanted nothing to do with these abilities. All of the secrets he was keeping from his friends would die with him.

This would be the one smart move he'd make in this game of life and death.

Making sure none of the information he had would live on and had the chance of slipping free. Making sure no more people's lives were ruined.

"I'll be back." Keefe leaned down and kissed her forehead, taking a moment to drink in her warmth as she wrapped her arms around him. "Promise."

A lie.

Like all of the other things he told her after coming back home. What was new.

But he found peace in knowing it would be last one he'd ever tell her.

One more thing bubbled in the back of his mind. One thing, if he didn't know what he was about to do, he would probably come to regret.

"I love you, Sophie." He closed his eyes, too afraid to see the look on her face.

"Keefe," her almost angelic voice rang out. Her hand ruffled through his hair, eventually coaxing his eyes open.

Her's were filled with tears.

"Please don't go again," she begged. "We're supposed to be team, remember?"

Her hand moved from his hair to cupping the side of his face. He couldn't help but lean into her touch, resting his hand atop hers.

"I have to go." Tears quickly welled in his eyes. When he blinked, they slid down his cheeks. "I'm sorry."

Sophie brushed them away with her thumb. She closed her eyes for a couple moments. Her eyebrows scrunched together.

When she opened them back up, they were almost pleading. "Come to Havenfeild. Just for the night. To make a plan. To help you pack." She paused for a breath, a fresh batch of tears brewing in her gorgeous gold flecked eyes. "Please?"

Keefe swallowed. "Ok."

He'd go through the motions. And then he could get back with his original plan.

Foster hooked her arm through his, pulling him into the beam of light to Havenfeild. As soon as they glittered into the pastures, Sophie turned and tackled him with a bone crushing hug.

"Keefe Sencen, I swear," she warned, "If you kill yourself I am going to murder you."

Keefe's jaw went slack. "How did you-"

"I read your mind," she admitted. She pulled back to look him straight in the eyes, keeping a firm, almost painful, grip on both his biceps to keep him from twisting from her grip. "I'm sorry, I truly am, but I had a feeling I needed to. And I'm glad I did."

She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him down. "People care about you, Keefe. I love you," she whispered.

Keefe felt his throat become thick. He had to clear it several times before answering, "But that isn't why I'm doing this." He tried to pull away. "This is because of my abilities."

Sophie yanked him right on back down to her. She cradled his head down on her shoulder. Resigning to his predicimen, he buried his face into her neck. He inhaled the soft scent of her panakes perfume, giving him flashbacks to the clearing in The Grove. It only succeeded in making his heart heavy.

"We'll figure something out. I promise," she whispered.

"And how many people will I hurt in the meantime? I can't do this anymore, Foster," his voice cracked. The pitiful sound made way for the gut wrenching sobs that wracked his body. "I! Can't! Do! This! Ok?"

Sophie held him tighter to her. She carefully lowered them down to the soft grass. She kissed his shoulder.

His own cries of mental anguish drowned out any of the other noises of the world. Slowly the sobs slowed into hiccups and whimpered. However, not by his own accord.

Soon a warmth filled it's place. Like the crackling of a fire on a cold winter night. Brightening up the chilling darkness. Comforting his aching soul.

Was Sophie... inflicting on him? Positive emotions, that is.

She untangled herself from him to look him in his icy blue eyes. "Hey. Can you talk to me now?"

He wiped at his eyes, nodding.

"Swear to me, Keefe. Swear to me that you won't even consider doing that again before talking to me. Before we can actually come up with a plan to help you."

He looked away, ashamed with his awnser. "I can't-"

"No, Keefe!" She snapped, startling him with her tone. "Swear. Swear on Silveny's life!"

Keefe squeezed his eyes shut and pursed his lips. He tried very his best to mean it when he awnsered, "I swear."

He'd try. He'd try his absolute hardest. For her. She deserved that much.

She must've been able to tell he meant it. That or she was reading his mind again. Either way, she pulled his face closer and kissed him. He melted at her touch.

This. This feeling was worth living for. If nothing else, this.

This amazing girl in front of him cared for him like no other person did. He'd do everything in his power to fight off the dark thoughts deep in his head.

For Sophie.

She finally broke away. She studied him for a minute.

"Come on," she told him. "Let's go inside and get comfortable. There should still be some mallowmelt left if I recall."

Keefe pulled himself to his feet and started to follow her in. Just as they entered the threshold, she turned back and smiled at him.

"It will be ok," she whispered.

And funny enough, he believed it.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Freebie!!! With good vibes and cookies 🍪🌟

You ordered a spicy chicken wrap and some ice water with lemon, but he wasn't satisfied until you were actually eating. Once he was mollified, he let himself pay attention to his own meal. He had a million questions.

But- he had to tread carefully. It made him feel like he was trying to coax a feral cat. Or disarm a bomb. Two things he'd never been good at. Still, he knew two things now he didn't know before. The kid was healthy and the date of your next appointment.

And you hadn't sent him away. He'd also never seen you eat anything spicy before. Maybe the kid liked spicy food. Or maybe he just never paid attention. "What else are you doing today?" he asked.

"Thought I'd try and get some cleaning done. Try and get some writing done. Take Trigger to the dog park," you answer, pushing a stack of napkins at him when his burger starts to fall apart.

"Thanks- Figured you'd want to go shopping. Get some baby things," he ventured.

You shake your head, "I don't- next week," you tell him. "Had to pay mom's allowance early to keep her over there."

Logan felt himself frown reflexively, "Wade throw in his share?"

You shrug, "You know how it goes. It's not like being Marvel Jesus comes with steady pay. But I have some freelance money coming and- well. It doesn't really matter. It's not-" You break off and shake your head, "I'll figure it out. I always do."

"Y/N," he said, cringing when the growl in his voice made you pull back. "It's not just you that did-"

"You made it pretty clear you didn't want this, Logan," you murmur, looking out the window. "Before I even knew what was happening."

"And if I could, I'd-"

"But you can't," you tell him. "And how am I supposed to know you won't just-" You shake your head and slide out of the booth, leaving your half-finished plate on the table. Stalking back to the ladies room. Hoping he won't follow. Not right now.

Fuck. He scrubbed his hands over his face and gulped down his drink, signaling for another to show he wasn't leaving and followed you. If diplomacy wasn't doing it- if words were going to keep getting him in trouble- it was time to try something else. He was just glad the bar was dead.

_______________

He opened the door carefully and found you leaning on the sink. Griping the counter so hard your knuckles were white. And he spun you around, hefting you up as he reached behind him and locked the door.

"I'm a fucking idiot," he growled, claiming your mouth in a kiss that burned his lips as he pushed your knees apart to stand between your legs. "I panicked like a stupid kid," he said, pulling back and resting his forehead on yours, giving you space to tell him 'no'. "I thought it would be better for you if I walked away from you. And now every time I look at you I can't fuckin' breathe."

He can hear your heart. He can smell tears welling up. But your hands are fisted in his shirt. And he rests his forehead on yours. "Listenin' to you tell people this ain't my kid- that you don't know who their daddy is," he huffed a laugh. "Fuck. I know it doesn't hurt as bad as what I did but- it's a gut punch, Princess."

"I'm so fucking mad at you," you tell him, voice breaking. "And I'm so fucking scared."

"Hey," he breathed, cradling your face in his hands and wiping tears away with his thumbs, "shhh." He kissed you again, more gently this time, "I'm not goin' anywhere, baby. Okay? I'm gonna show you that. I just need you to give me one more chance."

[leoramage]

my oasis

⊹ masterlist ⊹ taglist ⊹

⊹⊱ trigger warning - [sugardating, mentions of cheating, age gap, tolerating bad behavior, swearing]

⊹⊱ theme - [oblivious to love au]

⊹⊱ pairings - [bestfriend!lewis hamilton x sugarbaby!y/n]

⊹⊱ keywords - [complicated dynamic. "you did some things that you regret, still ride for you." ride or die relationship. "cause my heart belongs to you - i'll risk it all for you." older men are better. "and I can't pretend I don't want you all - 'cause I want you all." ]

In the dimly lit city, your heart ached as the world around you seemed to crumble. Lewis Hamilton, your best friend, had always been there to catch your pieces when life got tough. He was the one person who truly understood you, even the parts you kept hidden from everyone else.

He watched as you lived your life, a life that included sugar-dating older men, a fact that hurt him deeply but he chose to tolerate it, fearing that his feelings would shatter the fragile equilibrium of your friendship. He didn't want to lose you, he had a vacant space in his heart that he didn't want anybody to occupy but you.

"Our arrangement is over, Y/N. I've grown tired of you." You were left broken, vulnerable, and clutching the silk robe around you as if it were your last shield against the cold reality. The apartment felt suffocating, a constant reminder of the lies that had torn your heart asunder. The weight of his words crashed upon you, leaving your heart shattered. In a haze of tears, you packed your belongings and fled his apartment, the silk robe you wore offering little comfort against the cold reality.

Your sugar daddy, a man you had grown attached to in your own way, confessed to betraying your trust with another sugar baby. You stumbled down the stairs, the soft silk of your robe swishing around you as your tears continued to fall. You knew it was going to happen at some point but it all happened too fast like a sharp whiplash on your gut - you weren't able to recuperate properly.

With a shaky breath, you reached for your phone and dialed the one number you knew would never let you down. Sobbing uncontrollably on the sidewalk with your luggage, you waited for Lewis to answer the call, your voice quivering as you recounted the heartache that had befallen you.

Lewis was in the comfort of his penthouse with Roscoe resting on the bed with him when his phone screen flashed open, he saw the call and immediately answered it to find you on the line. "Hello Y/N?" He groggily answered and rubbed his eyes, It was already late at night but he was more concerned about why your voice was shaky as if you had been crying for hours.

You only sigh and keep walking. "Lewis... I'm outside his flat. He cheated on me. Please pick me up, I need you." It was the only words you were able to speak clearly as you were still caught up at the moment, your voice fading into a sob.

He didn't need two more words from you or ask where you are, he didn't spare a second to get out of bed and put on his clothes, and shoes and run downstairs - out of the front door to get on his car. This was you, after all, your safety is his concern. He cared too much for you - way too much for it to be called friendly. You seem to pull on his heartstrings with ease and he'll wear his heart on his sleeve.

He knew he was in love with you. Even if he wasn't subtle about it at times, happy to keep it buried for days, months, and years. But he is near his breaking point, he hates to see you cry over someone who is not worthy of your tears, time, and energy. He was disappointed in you, upset you chose this life and angry that you chose an old man. Only if you'd give a damn about reciprocating his long-simmering feelings and hint at him that you love him, he would be over the moon and never hesitate to give you the whole world if he has to.

"I'm almost there. Wait for me, Y/N." Lewis muttered under his breath, his senses was wide awake despite it being late at night and he was supposed to be resting. Turning the steering wheel and driving as fast as he can as if he was on racing track, his car reaching above miles per hour on some of the high speed roads. Speeding tickets were not of his concern, not at this time. Those fines can be paid later on, but if something happened to you he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

He looks desperately around and sees a familiar figure of a pedestrian on the side of the road. He stops and opens the car door, it turns out to be you. "Y/N!"

He hugs you tight, trying to keep you on your feet while the wind howls around and the car door is still open. Your sobs muffled against his shoulder. He held you, offering you a haven amidst the turmoil.

When you could no longer cry, he guided you to his car and drove you to his penthouse, the ride to his place was still and peaceful until you've arrived. He handed you a fresh set of his clothes and led the way to his living room, where you settled onto the couch then he disappeared into the kitchen, returning with a warm cup of tea that felt like a balm for your soul. Lewis just knew what to do, when to speak and offer you comfort.

"Y/N," he began softly, his gaze unwavering as he looked at you. "I—" his words were cut off by his telephone going off at this hour. He had no idea who would even call him at this hour, but you felt bad for disturbing his rest and now you're here in his penthouse.

"No." Lewis shakes his head, only a few seconds into the call. He sounded firm but calm, whoever was on the other line was not getting the response they wanted from Lewis.

"No. You had your shot and you blew it, I just picked her up off the street because she called me crying. If you can't fix your relationship with her by yourself then that's your problem, not mine." Lewis' eyes were full of disappointment as you discovered to whom he was talking to, there was no need to mention names. He was clearly talking to your former sugar daddy who regretted and is now trying to take you back after confessing he had cheated and had another sugar baby next in line after you.

"You better be sorry!" Lewis called out with a touch of sarcasm and resentment lacing his voice as he conversed over the telephone.

"You break the heart of someone as amazing as Y/N, who would go out of her way to make you feel loved, and now that she needs a shoulder to cry on you come to me?" He scoffs and continues articulating not allowing being talked over.

"You decided it would be better to lie with another woman. No chance do I let you speak to her alone. Not after what you've done to her." You were shocked by the blunt words Lewis was dropping every second, he didn't seem holding back himself by sounding spiteful of the situation.

"You don't get to cheat on a wonderful person like her and then get a second chance, that's not how these things work." These were the words you were happy to hear about - that he is being protective over your wellbeing in general. You were grateful for being best friends with Lewis but you weren't prepared for the next words he had spoken with so much decisiveness.

"She's not yours anymore. She is mine and only mine. I love her."

Not only were you taken aback by Lewis' words that struck you like lightning, goosebumps forming within your skin that were well hidden under the comfortable clothing that he made you borrow. His perfume wafted off the very fabric of the clothing - offering a burst of freshness, reminiscent of vibrant rose petals kissed by the spicy and woody undertones with morning dew, creating a harmonious balance between the floral and the robust. You were still - shellshocked in the comfort of his couch.

Lewis on the other hand was breathing heavily, knowing that you overheard everything he said during the call. With the telephone placed down, you found his chocolate brown eyes staring at you with fear in them - not because he was scared of you - he feared losing you because of his unspoken devotion towards you.

The tension in the air was taut between you as if you could hear a needle dropping against the floor. You heard what Lewis said... and that's how you're going to find out he loved you all this time.

"I've known you for so long, and I've watched you go through so much." He admitted as he took a step towards you with apprehension, observing your reaction despite the obvious.

Your tear-filled eyes met his, a mix of astonishment and bewilderment in your gaze from the revelation. "Lewis?"

He took a deep breath, and knelt in front of you as he sincerely gazed at you - still nervous to confess his long held feelings. "I've kept this to myself because I never wanted to jeopardize our friendship, but I can't hide it anymore..."

"I love you, Y/N. I have always loved you." He mumbled those words as the moonlight cascaded his features, waiting for your words that could make or break the moment.

Your heart skipped a beat as his confession hung in the air, the weight of his words sinking in. For a moment, time seemed to stand still as you processed the truth. Then, a small smile tugged at the corners of your lips, and you wiped away a stray tear. "Lewis," you whispered, your voice filled with emotion, "I love you too."

At that moment, the barriers that had separated you from each other crumbled away. Lewis's arms wrapped around you, holding you close as if he never wanted to let go. a promise of new beginnings and a love that had been waiting in the shadows.

Within a moment, his lips met yours in a soft, hesitant kiss, a sweet collision that sent sparks through your body. The warmth of his touch, the tenderness of his embrace, spoke volumes that words could never capture. The kiss deepened, a gentle exploration of feelings that had been buried for far too long.

Time seemed to stand still as your lips moved in flawless harmony as if they had been designed to find solace in each other's presence. The world outside faded away, leaving only the two of you, caught up in a whirlwind of emotions that had been building over time. Then flashes of memory backtracked in your head like a mixtape, all these times Lewis had cared for you. All this time he was making you special in many ways despite your troublesome behavior and rebelliousness, he was always there to catch you whenever you fell out of grace. He was your rock that you could lean on - one you could trust with your life.

As the kiss finally broke, you found yourselves resting your foreheads against each other's, your breaths intermingling. Lewis's eyes gazed into yours, and within their chasms, you saw not just the reflection of your own emotions, but the promise of a future you had only dared to dream of.

⊰⊹⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋄⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⊹⊱

Author's Note: This is oneshot fiction for Lewis that I had dreamt weeks ago. I have the draft of this in my dream journal so I decided to give it a try. For the Lewis girlies who I had shared my feelings about the lack of Lewis fiction. I hope I somehow fill a role and hope this was a nice content that I made, it would be heartwarming if you guys appreciate it through any kind of support! I will still have to patch up some dreams of mine and connect the puzzles to create a proper plot for the other drivers that I have dreamt of. Stay updated! 𔘓ฅ[⁠ᓀ⁠˵⁠▾⁠˵⁠ᓂ⁠]𔘓ฅ

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction created by the user in response to a creative writing prompt. Any resemblance to actual events, persons, or entities, whether living or deceased, is purely coincidental. The characters, events, and dialogue portrayed in this fanfiction are products of the user's imagination and are not meant to infringe upon any copyrights or trademarks associated with the Formula One sport or any real-life individuals. This fanfiction is solely intended for entertainment purposes, and the author acknowledges that the depicted scenarios are not endorsed, authorized, or supported by any official Formula One entities or the individuals mentioned.

[quinnydoll]

you told me to send an ask so I am. this is more of a personal story than anything, so I ask anonymously. I'll also keep it short!

Ever since I first discovered Doll Identity, I've been very curious of it, and kinda wanted to try it. but every time I do I just never really felt it. it just didn't feel right for me personally. but I've always wondered why I was allured by it, and something happened recently that made me realize why, and what I really am.

I basically got called to the doctors, and got braces. that's, it. the problem was that I didn't really know I was getting braces, and I didn't really understand it would take years to go through. so, basically in the course of one day my life was changed drastically. that, along with recent events, and more, has made me feel small. I was born with issues that needed so many surgeries, and they still haven't fixed it. so I feel like I'm mish-mashed with metal and such.

I realize, that because I have memory issues and because I feel small, I often prop up a huge puppet. a huge web of notes to remember things, that I can rescan like a machine. I wear a mask, and hat, and big pants, and big jackets. I do so much despite how small I feel. and I've realized that like, I feel allured by the doll Identity because of this feeling, but I could never get over the non-personhood part of it. like I still feel like a person, I just don't feel like I have a lot of control, to the point that nowadays I kinda feel like identifying that way.

It's just all kind of interesting to me.

life-altering trauma is nearly always a major factor in doll identities, in this one's experience. in fact, it doesn't believe it could name a single doll who hasn't had to deal with said level of trauma. the example of braces being added, before you even knew you were getting braces, making multiple years of your life veer off into a different trajectory sounds like life-altering trauma to this one. of course, never is it exclusively that example of life-altering trauma. there's always more to it

in this one's case, it's had multiple cases of life-altering trauma, but it feels as though it might be able to deal with that if it weren't for the smaller things accompanying the larger traumas. small fights, losses where there shouldn't be, lack of fulfillment, and in general, things that you'd have to face in normal, every-day life

either just the life-altering traumas, or the smaller difficulties, it could probably deal with without the feeling of loss of personhood. combined, it's an overwhelming emotional cocktail of sickening proportions. it's a trigger pulled by a gun to propel a bullet ready to hollow out the already fragile soul which reality aimed it at, which passes through said soul before it's had a chance to even process that a trigger has been pulled, let alone a detonation propelling the projectile in which would destroy its personhood irreparably

it wasn't forced into this identity though, and you shouldn't be either. for a time, it tried to be a person, to fit the broken pieces together and pretend they stayed like that without constant and immense effort to keep them from falling apart again. it found that maintaining personhood was causing its relationships with others to deteriorate and grow distant. in light of this, it stopped trying to be a person, it stopped forcing itself to put the pieces back together every time they fell apart again, and strain itself more in order to maintain this state of existence that wasn't making anyone happy

it is not a person, it is a doll. an object. a thing

that's not something that a lot of people like to hear it say, but that's because of an already preconceived notion that one's own objectification is an inherently bad thing. you'll hear the expression of "they treat(ed) me like an object" from unhappy individuals in regards to a relationship that's fallen to unfortunate circumstances. this, is more to the extent of lacking care for them, or making them feel discarded. however, for this one, it's a kind of object that you would imagine someone would feel a certain amount of care for, rather than one to be disregarded

dolls may be objects, dolls may be non-people, but that doesn't make them not worthy of care, and it's not something that makes them something to be discarded. dolls are more to be cared for, not to be discarded. dolls are to be treasured

[seonghwa10ve]

Protector of my life|01

Pairing: ceo!Jungkook x bodyguard!reader

Theme: fluff , angst ,eventual smut, strangers to co-workers to???.

Synopsis: You saved a man when he was almost assassinated by two men but you save his life. What happens when you join an academy only for female bodyguards.

A/n: Finally started writing it and I hope you guys will love it and don't worry I'll be updating the rest soon anyways... enjoy 🥰💞

It was beautiful

The sky was so blue without clouds and the sun has never shun so bright in the morning making the view in the city with large buildings so breath-taking.

The cafe was rich with the aroma of coffee beans and the sound of the customers either ordering or talking to their loved ones was peaceful.

When you were younger, you always imagined having the best career and so many journeys you could dream of. But as some people say life is a bitch and that's how you ended up here trying to look for a suitable job but all of them were already taken.

Being the only child throughout your childhood was lonely but you got to understand yourself and even got a best friend , Yeji.

Yeji always had a cheerful personality till now and was always a supportive friend.

That's why you two became roommates. She came from a very wealthy family which is hard to believe that she actually made you her best friend. Yeji has been a humble human being since you two bonded. You didn't even know she came from a rich family until she brought you to her house when you two were in highschool.

When you came out of the cafe to head back to your apartment, You were lost in thought until you saw a man. He he was tall,had nice beautiful silky hair and was built because his jacket looked like it wanted to give up on him

You looked at his side profile while you were behind him but couldn't really see him properly. When you looked at his face again, you noticed a dot on his head not just any dot, a red dot.

When you looked at the direction the light was coming from you saw a guy with a cape and he wore a mask trying to hide his identity in the black car he was in and he was trying to aim the gun at the man in front of you. You did what any smart person would do and ran to him .

You pushed the man in the black suit which ended up with him falling down on the pavement with you on top of him how cliché

And that's when you heard the trigger and people on the street scattered while some stood in shock.

When you opened your eyes you first looked around for the shooter and he was nowhere to be seen. Then you looked at the man in front of you who you saved and oh gosh

He was absolutely gorgeous

He looked like he came straight out of a movie . He had a mole under his bottom lip with one piercing on his eyebrow and the other on his lip. His eyes were so memorizing .

When you you cleared your throat and stood up trying to find something to say or ask.

"A-are you alright sir?" You asked while trying to help him get up and he stood up dusting his suit that you're very sure costs more than your phone. "Yeah I'm fine don't worry. Thank you for saving me " he smiled at you with his cute bunny teeth that were pearly white.

"No need to thank me sir I was just saving someone's life" you said while you noticed a bruise on your arm and winced as you touched it. "I guess I should be the one asking you if you're alright" he lightly chuckled and look at you as if you two were not just strangers who met not even three minutes ago. "I'll be fine it's just a bruise. I'll clean it up when I get home."

"I should repay you for saving me." He insisted and you brushed it off saying that anyone could have done the same thing to him but he was stubborn and refund until you gave in. "Fine, okay you can just not today." You agreed and he smiled while walking away and he stopped his tracks and turned to look at you "I didn't catch your name by the way" he looked at you , hoping you would answer and luckily you did " I'm Y/n " you replied and he repeated it just to remember it . "I'm Jungkook, nice to meet you." He smiled at you "Nice to meet you too, Jungkook."

"So how did your day go?" Yeji asked while bringing the popcorn for the movie you two were about to watch." It was alright just saved a random guy in a suit" you explained while stuffing the popcorn in your mouth.

"Was he cute?" Yeji asked forgetting about the movie you were supposed to watch.

"I guess, I just feel guilty because you have to pay more for most of the bills that I was supposed to pay for." You told her while she looked at you a smiled "Hey Y/n, don't feel bad I actually saw a flyer a few days ago it was for a job asking for a bodyguard." You looked at her and she looked at you with sympathy in her eyes .

"Wouldn't that be for males or something?" you asked her while trying to process the information you were being told."No it's all genders plus they get paid at a very high amount. Why don't you try." She looked at you with convincing eyes and you wanted to protest but you though of the salary plus you took training way back when you lived with your parents.

"Okay .....I'm going tomorrow did you take a photo of it?" " Yeah I'll send it to you."

You woke up early , took a shower got dressed up and ate some breakfast before you went to the company .

The company wasn't far from the apartment so it didn't make anything better because you were nervous. What if the CEO was an old creep or something.

When you reach you were stunned by the huge building in front of you.

The sun only blinding your eyes due to the glass that the building had plus the big name of the company on top.

JEON CO

'Damn.....they surely get paid a lot here' you thought while entering the building. The lobby was even more beautiful than the outside of the building and you went to the receptionist and told her you came for the interview. She checked the system and you read her name tag Park Chaeyoung. She was so gorgeous and tall no doubt she would be a model. "Lim Y/n?" She asked "Yes that's me " "Okay, the interview is on the 20th floor and I wish you all the best" she bowed at you and you did the same before you left.

When you had your interview you were nervous and you hoped that this was the only chance you to avoid life biting you in the ass . "We'll tell you about our decision when we're done have a good day" The man who you found out was Mr. Kim Seokjin said and you left the building hoping for the best.

You went home, thinking about whether you would get the job or not while Yeji kept on encouraging you not to overthink and that everything would be fine.

After a week or two passed, You got a notification congratulating you that you got the job and man did you scream your ass out of happiness .

"Are you alright what happened did a thief try to attack you?!" Yeji came in full panic mode until she saw no one and was confused. "No I got the job!!!" You yelled out of excitement and she screamed while running to hug you. "Congrats bestie, see I told you everything would work out" she said while she was still hugging you.

You read the message out to her while you forgot to read one part and your smile turned into a frown. "What's wrong?" Yeji asked and you were trying to find the right words to tell her "I-i'm going to have to leave for two months and live with the rest of the other females." You said failing to look at her in the eyes or else you would cry ."Maybe I should just turn it do-" "Don't I'll be alright Y/n okay?" "I guess you're right" you said lowering your head trying to fight back tears

"Welcome ladies, today you're just going to arranged your luggage and mingle with your fellow co-workers but before that , I would all like you to meet the CEO of JEON CO."

People were all wondering who he was and everyone was thinking about all the things he would do to us .

"Sorry for delaying, Oh, hello everyone my name is Jeon Jungkook and I'm the CEO of JEON CO I hope you ladies will feel comfortable and please feel at ease." He bowed and smile at everyone while you looked at him wide eyed and he tried to hide that he was shocked too but he failed and you looked away.

No way the man you saved is your boss

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Part 2

A/n : I finally managed to write the first part but I'm wondering if I should have a tag list if so please tell me . 🥰💞