#And is able to work through his trauma and fully embracing his vulnerable side

[esotericfaery]

Esoteric Chiron: The Wounded Master of the Misunderstood

What’s so important about nodal Chiron conjunction Astrologers are on about?

Not the North Node so much, as that only holds energy for the future of this lifetime, and contrary to popular belief, is not directly related to karma (which is ruled by Saturn.)

Chiron (the wounded master healer), as the ruling planet of Virgo (overall health and service to self), has to do with each persons neglected inner healing abilities. When we’re experiencing Virgo energy, we’re needing more time and space to become comfortable with our own vulnerabilities, even before beginning to analyze and explore which healing methods we want to dive into.

I find it ironic then, that people neglect Chiron in general in Astrology, due to the misconception that it’s a comet, and try to force Virgo into Mercury rulership where it doesn’t belong.

Or did this happen by design? Are we being taught through misdirection, to learn how to recognize the erratic patterns (through Chirons erratic orbit) in our own lives, as we’re confronted with feelings of inadequacy?

Chiron is a key (look at His glyph) which unlocks etheric abilities within esoteric Astrology; our shadow doors of over-compensation and self-sabotage.

With this conjunction taking place in Aries, we have warrior energy present (and prepared, with conscious work) to fight our own habits, and emerge fully victorious.

This is how Chiron teaches us self improvement, so that we can then teach others. Chiron was highly of service to others and he inspires the same in us.

One of the popular perceptions about Chiron is that it is a wound so deep it can never be fully healed. This type of belief serves to convince people to remain trapped in cycles of trauma, where they self-fulfil limitations. It also programs people to ignore Chiron, dismissing Him as “just a victim mentality obsessed comet”, which they deem unimportant.

What is Chiron incapable of doing? Possibly nothing. In Grecian times, he was a centaur who took a holistic approach to health, and was a renowned polymath of the sciences and the arts, who taught many. These students went on to also become accomplished, and include Jason (of the Argonauts), Achilles, Hercules, Aeneas (who founded Rome), and many others. He was shot in the leg (accidentally) by Hercules and suffered immensely as a half-God immortal, rather than dying. This is the origin of the misconception that Chiron represents unending suffering.

Strangely, even people who recognize that myths are metaphors, perpetuate the agenda of chaining Chiron to the worlds unending suffering. People only suffer endlessly because we collectively create reality as chaotic, in unawareness of the manifestation abilities inherent in humanity.

Chiron knew this, and embodying higher consciousness, he came up with a plan. Zeus had tortured Prometheus for years, because Prometheus stole fire and gave it to humanity. As a mortal, he was close to death when Chiron saved him. With Hercules’ help, Zeus agreed to allow Chiron trade destinies with Prometheus. Then, mortal, Chiron was able to die and become part of the constellation of Sagittarius. This is why Sagittarius’ symbol is the centaur, and why Chiron works with us on service to self, to be of service to others in the longer term. Chiron healed his victimhood through sacrifice.

Chiron is some of the most mysterious and strange, yet rewarding energy to work with, if we have the courage. He balances the animal instincts with the more refined side of human nature.

Aries is the house with the most courage, and Chiron there is stirred into either compulsively avoiding trauma in favour of physical action, or confidently hacking through the fray. This can be a deeply disturbing energy for those who don’t have a particularly harmonious or healed Aries in their own charts. When Aries heals, they embrace their emotional lows along with highs, including areas of vulnerability. Aries is the great healer of fear, relishing a challenge. Explosive emotions can be expected, when working with Chiron in Aries, and brought up and out to be released, Aries guards and protects each one of Chirons doors within. Together, they lead us into being able to become leaders.

See your Chiron sign, house, aspects, and degree placements, along with wherever and however you find Virgo in your natal chart, for guidance on how Chiron is presenting Himself to you. Throughout life, aspects are activated as they’re similar to your natal aspects. In our late 40’s / early 50’s we experience the Chiron return - He reaches the position he was at in the natal chart. This is an opportunity to evaluate our personal growth process, discover rewards, and plan what comes next; being able to give more to others

A personal note of interest: In the natal of when Chiron was discovered in 1977, it was in Taurus (in the 4th house of family, the foundation of the psyche, and generational patterns). When I was born in 1980, Chiron was still in Taurus. For my entire adult life, I’ve had this strange feeling that I was born too late, and “missed” something important that had happened in 1977. That year has a pattern of jumping out for me when I listen to music or watch films from, or taking place in the ’70’s. I’m among those who have a familiarity with the general period when Chiron was discovered, and how it was first consciously experienced by the Planet. It’s also one of my charts ruling planets, and so I’m well placed to eventually write a book about Chiron. I continue to study and explore my inner landscape, transmuting shadows and discovering change, and in whichever ways you feel called to, I hope you do too.

[casimania]

Piercifer scenario cause I don't make enough of them: sort of future-ish AU where Lucifer and Pierce have been together for a couple of years, Chloe had her Devil/Cain reveal and is dealing with it (maybe even Ella, Trixie and Dan, especially him since he's involved with Charlotte) but the Hell/curse situation is still a bit unsure.

And then one day Lucifer and Chloe get shot at and while Chloe gets rushed to the hospital, Lucifer gets smuggled back home to recover. He does so pretty quickly and immediately checks on Chloe. In the following days he notices Pierce acts a bit off and can't put a finger on it until he sees him suddenly being even more of a hardass with Chloe when she's back at work. And she's kinda miffed about it, can't figure out if he's angry as her boss because of how the last case went, or personally angry for Lucifer getting hurt with her because he loves him. But he's impossible to talk to like this, she's dismissed at work and ignored out of it. And then he goes from being uncharacteristically clingy with Lucifer to snapping at him and closing off. Lucifer thinks about it a lot and has an inkling because he notices him being short with Ella too and suddenly ignoring Maze too who threatens he beat him to a pulp if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass.

So he ends up cornering Pierce to talk about it, and the discussion is like pulling teeth but Lucifer thinks he knows what the problem is and he keep pushing until Pierce blows up in his face and yells that he was worried. He got Lucifer home and could barely breath during his recovery, he was worried sick like he hadn't been in a long time. And then he was fine and immediately up and about and rushing to Chloe because he didn't know what conditions she was in. And Pierce realized he didn't know either, and she could very well die. And then had the horrible terrible realization that he /cared/ and now that the "Fuck fuck Lucifer is bleeding all over the place if he dies his family or the demons could use his momentary weakness to trap him in Hell again" moment passed he's got nothing to distract him from the fact that he was worried about Chloe. And then of course his brain is on loop and he's thinking about how Ella grew on him too and could also die any minute and Maze is though cause she's a Demon and is immortal but she's not unkillable and not as though as an angel and she could die defending Chloe, Trixie, Linda, Charlie or Lucifer from his siblings or even by human stuff if she's not careful enough. And he's frantically walking back and forth the house and is barely able to calm himself by the time Lucifer is back and tries to act normal. But then he's at work and is an ass to everyone because he's realized just how much opening up to Lucifer let his wall down and made him more open to other people and he's like "Nope". And just starts being again as unpleasant as possible so people want to stay away from him.

His instincts are telling him it's time to call his contacts, grab a new identity and fucking abscond. But 1) he doesn't even have contacts anymore basically, cause both he was as happy as he could be all things considered with Lucifer and had stopped planning his next move and new identity and because Lucifer didn't like the sort of people he was involved with and didn't even realize he picked up on that and was slowly unraveling the whole Sinnerman thing because of it and 2) for the first time in his life he both doesn't want to leave Lucifer but he's also thinking about how him leaving could affect Lucifer. Over the millenia he's justified himself that leaving the people he loved and that loved him was necessary to protect his feelings but also they could always meet and love someone else and had families and friends and he was just tired of being the one being left behind. He's always had a bit of a problem with putting himself first and justifying everything he did, and it only got worse with the curse (I hc that God hopen for the opposite result but fucked up big time like with Lucifer) and his walls became one big ass wall between himself and the rest of humanity as he felt less and less part of it.

And Lucifer wants to shake him because he knows he's scared and feeling vulnerable but he can't keep isolating himself and being more and more of an asshole because that obviously didn't help him either. Instead of seeing people he loves die he has to see people around him flourish and be happy while he feels lonelier and lonelier while telling himself it's a good thing and hurts less even as he forces himself to push away people by being unpleasant because he's human and deep down still craving contact and connection with other people. And it's good that he tought about Lucifer's feelings in the matter and he knows how hard must it be for him to realize how he's gotten attached and that leaving would hurt a lot Pierce too (and that's hard and scary and hurtful for him). But he needs to accept the fact that he cares for other people too and their feelings matter too. Now he doesn't have to deal with the fallout alone and they're still trying to find some sort of solution for him too that isn't just Lucifer being is one and only reason if lying. What his previous actions got him was only a lot of hurt and leaning more and more into his worse side. Because better care for only himself, people are fleeting and hurt you. And who cares about being good, he's already been dealt such a harsh punishment and remembers by history as literally the first bad human. He's just doing what's expected of him. But now he can seek redemption and help instead of digging himself a deep and deeper hole.

And in all of this Pierce is pulling at his hair because he can't fathom anymore someone caring for him so much and just being so selfless and him not being disgusted by it or feeling superior for not feeling that. But also he doesn't know if he has the strenght to do any of that anymore. It was just easier to be a worse and worse person and thinking about ceasing to exist. Thinking about loving someone, being loved back, accepted, catering for other people, admitting his mistakes and facing them? It feels like so much. Until not too long ago he loved in apathy, everything was a gray sludge and seeing how Lucifer was way older had still so bright and curious was unbelievable and he just told himself it was just because their situations were different and Lucifer just needed more time and losses and eventually would have ended up like him.

In the end Lucifer spent so much time finding something Pierce was vulnerable to to kill him but /he/ ended up being his vulnerability. He wormed his way between the cracks in his walls and ended up making them crumble and now Pierce is opening himself up to all sort of shit and feels kind of untethered and unprotected. And Lucifer swears he will be with him through it all but he needs to trust him and stop pushing them all away.

Their talk doesn't fix everything but they probably both yell and Pierce cries for the first time in who knows how long and he doesn't even know why but it's jsut that he's suddenly dealing with a lot of emotions and he's been bottling or ignoring everything for such a long time they have to get out somehow. And he's just crying and insulting Lucifer because it's all of his fault and he should have left him alone to do his own thing. Instead now he's doing shit like getting attached and caring how his actions affect others and wanting to be /better/ and he just keeps around the room going through 15 diferent emotions per minute and freaking out and still insuling Lucifer but lets himself be gathered up in his arms and held until he just Stops. And Lucifer's like "Oh my Dad he dead??" cause he's sort of cathatonic. But honestly he's just exhausted and goes into apathy mode. Lucifer rolls him into bed and looks over him until he falls asleep. And he sleep for like 12-14 hours in a row and Lucifer's calls Linda cause oh fuck he broke him. But Linda says this exhaustion is already normal for a regular human after a therapy session with a trained professional (and Lucifer has himself dealt with some of this after draining session with her, but he's never seen it on someone else and to this extent), and this was basically two fucked up immortals who are also dating trying to deal with how one of them was literally begging to die not too long ago and ready to just be evil and mow down everything in his way of it get him to finally stop existing and now he's suddenly wanting the opposite of that and who got him down that road his the man he accepted he loves who's also the Devil (the irony in that) and that's bound to be messy and tiring. And even Lucifer has to admit he's kinda exhausted.

By the time Pierce wakes up he's disoriented as fuck, ravenous and still kind of all over the place emotionally. Keeps his eyes trained on Lucifer around the house but is still short with his words. Lucifer tells him they don't have to go back to that discussion but to keep it in mind and to please not shut him out. And Pierce looks at him with these tired eyes and asks him why put himself through all of this, cause it's obvious Pierce's actions and words had their toll on him too. And Lucifer kisses his forehead/top of his head and tells him it's cause he's worth it. He's with him all the way because he wants too. Pierce looks away and grumbles he hates how Lucifer always manages to say things that make him go all squirmy inside. Then he pull a face and says "I can't believe I just said 'squirmy'". Lucifer laughs his ass off, Pierce grumbles more and goes back scarfing down his breakfast-lunch-dinner condensed into one.

He doesn't change much in general but he checks in with Lucifer more and just tries dealing with the fact that he's changing. Sudden mood swings and bouts of dickishness included.

Then probably Eve, Dromos and the Charlie kidnapping thing happen and then other shit and Character Development and Redemption Arc and Fixing Things with the Eden Family and Cathartic Discussions and a Wild God Appears and many other things and Pierce is just like, internally screaming through it all becuase he couldn't imagine himself in these situation even in his wildest fantasies. After millennia of bitterness, pain, deep seated anger, apathy and becoming the worst version of himself now it's a continuous "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH" both emotionally and in general becuase of the shit that happens around Lucifer.

[femalehumanoid]

Fluff Alphabet - Keevan

A ctivities – What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Keevan likes to spend an occasional evening simply talking to you. Let’s face it – the list of his psychological issues and traumas is a lengthy one, but he adamantly refuses to see a counselor, so that leaves the only person he can trust – you. He tells you stories from his past, ranging from funny and entertaining to tragic and horrible; for the most part you just listen, offering an appropriate comment here and there or squeezing his hand in encouragement. You have long since learned that tearing up and trying to hug him outright is a bad idea in such moments – he sees it as pity and closes up immediately, refusing to reveal anything remotely close to personal for weeks afterwards.

But your talks are not always about his past – in fact, your discussion topics are vastly varied. He’s lived many lifetimes and knows a lot, so he has an opinion on just about everything. He relishes finally being able to discuss his true thoughts without having to constantly look over his shoulder and filter which opinions are safe to share and which ones could be used against him.

As for other activities, Keevan’s a bit of a hedonist, so he wouldn’t say no to a day at a holosuite spa or a short trip to the pleasure planet together. Freedom from the Dominion didn’t make him any less of an asshole, so when you’re in public – say, lounging at the beach on Risa – he’ll occasionally make scathing (and, unfortunately, quite funny) observations about the passersby under his breath. You feel bad for snickering at the especially insulting comments, but ultimately don’t have the heart to tell him off because he looks so pleased with himself when he manages to make you laugh.

B eauty – What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Being a Vorta, Keevan is of course devoid of an aesthetic sense as such. That doesn’t mean that he can’t deduce by the reactions of others that you are beautiful – and boy, does it stroke his ego to see people eyeing you with appreciation (and him with jealousy) when you dress up and go out in public together.

While he can’t fully perceive your beauty visually, he admires your lips for their softness, your hands for their warmth, your eyes for the way you look at him.

On a more general note, what Keevan appreciates most about you is your behavior towards him. Sure, you have many other admirable qualities – you’re fun, and charming, and intelligent – but he’s met a plethora of fun, charming and intelligent people, and you’re the only one who truly loves and accepts him.

C omfort – how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Before he met you, Keevan had very little experience in comforting another person or providing genuine emotional support, so he’ll be somewhat stiff the first few times you show this type of vulnerability in front of him. But as soon as he’ll realize you’re looking to him for comfort, he’ll soften and open his arms for an embrace. Next thing you know, you’ll be sitting on his lap, telling him your woes and being sweet-talked to death.

By the way, if the reason for your distress is another person, you can rest assured that they would regret what they did – Keevan would make sure of it.

D reams -  How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Keevan is happy to leave the decision of where you’re going to live fully in your hands, but if you were to ask him, he’d recommend a smaller planet with comfortable climate and of little strategic value (so that it’d be left alone if another war were to erupt). But even though he’s mostly indifferent towards the finer details of your life together, it doesn’t mean that he’s not thinking about the future. The longer you are together, the clearer it becomes to him that one lifetime with you wouldn’t be enough. So, he starts to make discreet inquiries with his old contacts at various cloning facilities – is the Dominion technology suitable for cloning a human? How would one go about it? You won’t hear a word of it until Keevan knows for sure it’s possible, and one day he nonchalantly drops the offer on you like it’s not one of the most life-changing decisions with plenty of questionable ethical implications. In his mind, the decision has already been made, and he’s not above manipulating you into accepting if that means he gets to be with you forever.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or are they rather passive?

On the surface Keevan might appear passive, simply because he doesn’t expend energy caring about most things. You want to take an assignment on a different planet? Fine, he’ll come along - as long as you’ll have enough free time to devote to him, that is. You’re feeling frisky and want to explore your dominant side? Oh, he’s way into that.

In the past, when he was a servant of the Dominion, he had to constantly assert his dominance to keep his position, but nowadays he mostly reserves those impulses for the bedroom. However, there are some things he’s not willing to compromise on at all. You’re not going on that dangerous mission even if he has to tie you to the bed. That ex of yours that recently came into your life again and is behaving suspiciously flirty? Oh look, a week later they’ve decided to take a trip to another part of the galaxy and not return, totally of their own accord.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How is their fighting?

For both your sakes, let’s hope you’re more diplomatic than he is. Fighting with Keevan goes one of two ways – it’s either a nightmare because he knows exactly what to say to make it hurt, OR your heated exchange turns into an even more heated reconciliation and you both forget what you were fighting about in the first place.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Even if Keevan doesn’t often show it, he is grateful. He knows he’s not the easiest person to get along with, and he is aware of the effort you’re putting into the relationship and into helping him through his issues even when he’s being a total prick.

He does try to smooth his edges when he’s around you (around others, not so much) and takes note of the little things that make you happy – how you light up when he takes your hand, or when he remembers how you take your morning beverage – and consciously does it more often.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything? 

Keevan wouldn’t necessarily call them ‘secrets’, simply certain information that you don’t need to know. Some details of his past, for example – stories that could traumatize you – and why would he do that to a person he loves? You will rarely catch him lying to you outright, but some things he simply omits, like how he’s convinced your colleague to back off from that assignment you really wanted.

Also, he often has trouble sharing his emotions, partly because he’s been repressing them for so long that even he can’t get to the bottom of what he’s feeling at times.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Your relationship has transformed both of you in some respects. It might not have been smooth sailing, especially in the beginning, but it’s the healthiest relationship Keevan’s ever been in, and you’ve been gradually helping him heal and move on from a lot of trauma of his past. As for you, Keevan has taught you to be more assertive and you learned to accept the darker parts of your own psyche like you accepted the worst sides of his.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Keevan is extremely prone to jealousy, and he doesn’t bother to hide it. He likes to cultivate a reputation of a person who’s not to be crossed, and with his sadistic streak scaring people comes easily to him. That way, he can be reasonably sure no-one is going to dare take what’s his – namely, you. 

But if he catches you being too friendly (in his opinion) to, say, some bar patron, he won’t hesitate to come up and insert himself into the conversation, only to artfully insult the unfortunate person, smirking and possessively holding your hip all the while. If you think getting punched in the face by a huge Klingon for such behavior would deter him, you’d be dead wrong.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He’s a wonderful kisser – and very intense. Your first kiss happened in the middle of a heated argument, one moment you were getting in each other’s face, angrily flushing pink and aubergine respectfully, and the next you’re furiously kissing and knocking down the nearby furniture in an attempt to pin the other to the wall.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Not in a healthy way, I’m afraid. For the longest time, he would be in denial as to the nature of his feelings towards you. Lust, he could understand – but you seem to behave in a way that implies deeper feelings. Out of curiosity, he would let himself get closer to you, and after a while he’d discover with great surprise that he has developed feelings towards you as well. Weaknesses like that tended to get one killed in the Dominion (and that’s the best-case scenario), and despite the big changes after the war, that fear would still be fresh in his mind. But even regardless of that, getting seriously involved with someone would bring out a myriad of other fears and insecurities. What if it doesn’t work out? What if he opens up to you and that scares you off? What if he becomes attached and something happens to you? It’s safer not to get involved. Without explanation, he’d start avoiding you, thereby hurting your feelings, and one night when you’re crying, drinking wine and nursing your broken heart, you decide that enough is enough and you deserve an explanation. You march to his quarters and barge in as soon as the doors slide open, to Keevan’s astonishment and slight indignation (since when are you so bold?). After that, there’s a lot of shouting, finger pointing and angry confessions, followed by passionate kissing. The next morning, you’d hear a whisper that sounds a lot like ‘I love you’ while you’re still half-asleep in his bed, but you’re not sure if that really happened or if you dreamt it.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

If you want to get married, you’re going to have to explain to him the significance of that ritual because Keevan doesn’t really understand why you need to involve the government, or even worse – god – in your personal affairs. Although your explanation won’t likely change his mind on the matter, if he sees that you really, really want to get married, he’ll concede. But under no circumstances will Keevan agree to a religious ceremony of any sort – his experiences with gods (i.e. the Founders) have embittered him to any form of religion, so he’ll never sully the matter of such intimacy and importance as your union with mentions of any god, be they real or imaginary.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Pet, darling, sweet thing. Princess, in certain situations (😉). He starts out using the nicknames sarcastically, but at some point it becomes one of his ways to show genuine affection towards you.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious to others? How do they express their feelings?

At first, Keevan in love seems even more aloof than usual. His thoughts keep returning to you, thinking and overthinking everything, imagining all the ways your relationship could go wrong and even more ways it could go right.

The others truly start to notice the changes in his behavior only when he’s with you. His movements gain a bit more grace and sensuality, he doesn’t pass up an opportunity to make a clever snarky comment where he otherwise wouldn’t have bothered. He subtly puts himself in your personal space and holds your gaze for meaningful lengths of time. In other words, he is infatuated with you, which is obvious to everyone present.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

PDA? Yes, please! Keevan’s displays of affection border on exhibitionistic. If you’re too embarrassed, he’ll tone it down, of course - but not by much, so you might as well forget about having any shame at all when he’s around. While he doesn’t tend to be too clingy in public, he thinks nothing of groping your ass if the mood strikes him, undressing you with his eyes or whispering suggestively into your ear and making you blush. Bragging about you and showing you off is par for the course.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship

Keevan has an uncanny ability to stay level-headed in dangerous situations, and years of serving as a field supervisor have taught him to always have a plan B, C and ideally ten more, just in case. So if anything happens, you can rely on him to get you both out of trouble.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative? 

While not romantic in a classical sense, Keevan does try to keep you happy in his own way. He prefers to hide the true amount of effort he puts into the seemingly little things he’s doing for you – what it’s like to hear the whispers about his race when you’re on a date on a Federation planet, or how draining it is to socialize with your friends (you have to threaten not to talk to him for a week if he doesn’t behave civilly).

Aside from that, Keevan likes to make an occasional grand gesture to impress you – there’s nothing he loves more than seeing the awe and admiration in your eyes and hearing you praise him. Basically, flattery will get you anywhere with this Vorta.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He knows that you’re talented enough to excel at anything you put your mind to. If you want to advance your career, he can offer you plenty of useful (if sometimes unethical) advice on how to do that quickly. But if you want him to actually do something to help, you’re going to have to ask veeery nicely. In rare cases he does help without being asked - but don’t get used to it.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Over the iterations, Keevan was known to be, shall we say, adventurous, so there isn’t much that is truly new to him. The only thing that’s actually novel is the significance of the relationship. Did he ever wake up in bed with an attractive stranger? Sure, many times. Had he ever woken up next to the person he loves? You are the first. He wants to relish every new thing he gets to experience with you, so he isn’t in a hurry to try out everything all at once.

U nderstanding - How well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Keevan isn’t terribly empathetic, but he can read the cues pretty well if he wants to – a skill that is essential for any Vorta to acquire if they want to survive past their first iteration. For all his supposed indifference, Keevan has learned a lot about you pretty early on after you’ve first met, and if you weren’t so love-struck, you’d have probably found it suspicious. At times, it can be irritating how well he knows you, especially when he’s acting smug about it.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Once upon a time, Keevan had a career, and a rather successful one at that. Unfortunately, it was a career in a fascistic interstellar empire serving merciless gods – this kind of thing gets you disillusioned sooner rather than later. Still, his work had its moments, and having left the Dominion he had been missing the opportunity to apply himself.

But the freedom has granted him a choice – for the first time, he could decide what he wants to do. That freedom is just as important to him as your relationship, and the fact that you’re supporting him and helping him discover the new possibilities means more to Keevan than you can possibly imagine.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Keevan is a very tactile person by nature, which may come as a surprise because due to his past he’s had to learn to survive without closeness. At the earlier stages of your relationship he’d be pretty wary of platonic affectionate gestures, but as he becomes more comfortable around you, you’ll notice the casual touches becoming more frequent – he’d put his chin on your shoulder from behind to see what you’re reading on your PADD, thoughtfully trace your brow with his finger or play with your hair. Also, good luck trying to get out of bed without waking him – if you try to wriggle out of his embrace, he’ll only tighten his arms around you and mumble something unintelligible in Vortawa.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

By making everyone around him miserable. By moping around in your quarters and passive-aggressively destroying the knickknacks on your shelves (and later claiming that it was an accident).

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Oh yes. Great, borderline creepy length. Out of the two of you, you are the only one who actually has morals (and the longer you are with Keevan, the more the lines will start to blur), so he won’t have any qualms doing whatever needs to be done for your relationship. The only thing that could give him pause is if he knows you might not forgive him for doing something particularly amoral - but on the other hand, what you don’t know won’t hurt you.

. ⋅˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ ⋅˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

dedicated to the wonderful @stay-neurotic , the originator of Keevan thirst on tumblr dot com

[elevatorladylady]

Series Analysis: The Folk of The Air

I went through this series a couple of times before setting it down and I wanted to break down some of the things that really worked with this series and what didn't.

The Pros

Morally Grey Characters

This series does a really good job of introducing a lot of morally grey characters. Madoc is a murderer and puts his daughter and eventual foster daughters through a huge trauma, but he is also the only kind of parent these kids have after that and more or less treats them with love and respect in the household.

This sets up some really interesting dynamics as well that just have to be complicated and weird for everyone. Vivi is the priority when Madoc comes to Jude’s parents, but she’s also the oldest and is least interested in following along with Madoc’s interests. Jude and Taryn end up being more interested in the life Madoc has forced them into and they have to grapple with the guilt of actually enjoying any parts of their life with him.

There is also always a bit of grey morality when the culture is more or less okay with cruel and murderous acts whether it’s used as a way to dispense justice or if it’s just because the people in power cannot be held accountable for their actions. 

But despite this wonderfully nuanced set up, I have some complaints about the way a lot of these things get simplified.

Humans and the Folk

I really love that we get to explore the differences in the cultures and biological differences between these groups. The inability to lie presents a lot of interesting moments between Jude and Cardan that really show how that kind of difference can impact the words you choose and the ways people can use language to put on a front with or without lies.

The differences between the two worlds is a really interesting juxtaposition and I  think it’s great to get to see our main characters navigate both spaces. The folk have an advantage in the human world and can more easily inhabit it than a human can inhabit the faerie world. We see how Jude has been hardened by her experiences and can’t easily just take up a normal human life.

Vivi and Heather are such a great dynamic to explore the power dynamic between humans and faeries. Vivi has good intentions with her human girlfriend but by ignoring the ways fae can and will harm humans, she inadvertently puts her human girlfriend in danger, and uses that power against her.

Jude and Cardan’s Character Arcs

I do have some complaints but I love the way these arcs unfold. Jude is a powerless girl and then she becomes as powerful as she possibly can when controlling cardan and has to grapple with the cost of having this power and how the power didn’t end up protecting her in the way she thought it could. She learns that at some point she cannot control everything in her life through sheer will and force, and that she is going to be more fulfilled and potentially safer by learning to put her trust in others.

Cardans arc is more about finding himself. He is not respected or appreciated by his family and friends unless he’s being awful, but we start to see change almost immediately when he’s removed from that. He can just be with the court of shadows and he can be more open and honest about his desires and motivations with Jude. As king he is once again forced into a role, but this time he gets to try on different variations of being king. He’s one of the spies with the court of shadows, he’s his old self with his friends minus the cruelty with his friends, he’s a king in front of his subjects, and he’s a more open and vulnerable version of himself with Jude. He’s still being forced into a lot of these roles, but this gives him a chance to find his footing and decide who he might want to be when Jude isn’t forcing him into things. And he ends up choosing to be a better person in those roles than before.

The Cons

Black and White Ending

Jude and Cardan are morally grey earlier on and we get a lot of Jude questioning her own decisions, but by giving the ending giving her ultimate power as king and queen and the narrative affirming this as good takes away the complex morality of these characters.

By the end they are considered benevolent leaders by the land and the people, and Madoc and those that followed him are bad people who deserve punishment. Jude gets to hand out punishments as she see fits without anyone but Cardan being able to check her (and we know he probably won’t). Jude is even encouraged to treat everyone as if they are beneath her. These two have ultimate power and they will likely be harmful to some of their people regardless of their efforts otherwise and even more so if they aren’t proactive about how they lead.

The book ends with a toast to schemes, but they aren’t scheming anymore. They are fully embracing their public facing roles and enjoying their personal roles. While Oak is still technically supposed to take the throne there is zero indication throughout that he wants it and they are also clear that they won’t force him into it, so it no longer even feels like a temporary thing for Jude and Cardan to rule.

I would have preferred an ending where we see Jude map out a new ultimate scheme to dismantle the monarchy or distribute power to lower courts or something more radical to show that shes not just going to be another person with unchecked power.

It also squarely puts Madoc as bad and everyone on his side as bad with the punishments Jude hands out. Madoc is the main antagonist here, but is Jude really better than all of the people that were willing to follow Madoc? Do those people deserve to have their hands stained or live as birds when Jude will be shown deference by every person in their kingdom. Jude made a play for the crown too, and the only reason she doesn’t get punished is because she was successful. And then we’re supposed to joke about the idea of Madoc’s punishment in the human world and he’s just reduced to the blundering bigot in the family that you just accept as such.

And Vivi’s dynamic with Heather also gets simplified to just caring about the betrayal of the glamour instead of the ongoing dynamic that Vivi has to be an advocate for Heather in the faerie world and she has to always be mindful of the power dynamic.

The final scene really just feels like the end of a rom com even though these dynamics have really serious and troubling elements. 

Taryn’s Redemption

This dynamic also suffers from the shift to a black and white but it starts even earlier. Taryn’s betrayal with Locke is horrendous. It’s so personal and it cuts really deep compared to the political betrayal with Madoc.

I don’t believe the level of acceptance and forgiveness Jude gives Taryn at nearly every step. Her initial interest into wanting some kind of relationship once she becomes hand of the king is understandable, but it quickly turns into Jude doing quite a lot to preserve Taryn’s feelings. Jude wants Cardan to keep Locke in check, Jude doesn’t want to bother Taryn before her wedding with her almost murder, she doesn’t want her to know her husband tried to kill her, and she threatens Locke to keep him in line multiple times. It just doesn’t make sense that she would care so much to protect Taryn’s feelings from the guy that she chose over Jude especially when Taryn’s only kindness to Jude is designing great clothes for her.

All of this sets up even more problems for how things go in the final book. If Taryn’s only betrayal had been the political one, I could see Jude getting past it, but she does it when hasn’t even remotely atoned for the deeply personal one. Jude is rightfully angry but forgives her almost immediately when she learns about the baby. Jude has maybe one line about whether or not she can trust her sister again but her actions suggest she’s completely over it and eager to have a nice sisterly dynamic.

This could have been a really interesting dynamic about dealing with someone you love but can’t trust. It could have been more interesting if Jude had actually killed Locke when he came after her and Jude had to grapple with the guilt despite him being awful. Or even Taryn realizing her mistake earlier and pleading for Jude’s help to get out of it.

And Locke also just becomes a full on villain. Maybe you need that, but he was more interesting when he seemed to have a boundary with the physical violence.

[trahottie]

Trahearne x F!Commander

(Ao3) Ch 2 / ? - It is the eve of the Pact’s final assault against Zhaitan. A morning unlike any other awaited them all and unspoken truths must be shared before it is too late. Marshal Trahearne and Commander Rhea struggle to reconcile with the meaning of their friendship as they realize they might never see each other ever again.

---

Commander Rhea couldn’t tell how long she had been staring at the starlit sky. Once again, her thoughts drifted towards the person she considered her closest friend. 

Upon leaving the briefing room, General Soulkeeper had mentioned she had further meetings to attend to with the Marshal and the rest of the Pact’s administrative leadership, despite the already late hour. 

He must be so tired, she thought. 

Growing weary of her own fatigue, Rhea shook herself out of her reverie and refocused on the task at hand. She leaned forward and scribbled away:

  Dear Marshal,

 Rhea paused, her quill tip lingering over the parchment.

So formal. This won’t do,  She thought. Not for something like this. She crumpled the sheet and threw it aside, before pulling another from the corner of her work desk. 

The room was nearly pitch black, if not for the lit candle that stood by her writing materials, and the moonlight peering through her window. She leaned back in her chair and let her gaze drift over the ocean’s horizon for the umpteenth time as if it would offer a final boon of inspiration. 

As what may be expected in an old, dilapidated fort quickly made over into a fully functional military stronghold in a matter of mere months, the furnishings of her room were simple and modest. Nonetheless, as a reflection of her rank, she was afforded a room with a generous amount of space and windows that overlooked the rest of Fort Trinity and the shorelines of Terzetto Bay. 

Now and then, she can hear a pack of soldiers shuffling past her doors with equipment, and the echoes of hammering steel ring outside her windows. The hour was late, but there was always more to do. Especially when a morning unlike any other awaited them all. 

An hour prior, she and the rest of Destiny’s Edge had broken from their exhaustive day-long intelligence briefings and strategic overviews. Everyone involved in the frontal assault was ordered to return to their quarters and get as much shut-eye as possible. There wasn’t much time left and so much was at stake.

However, Rhea could not sleep just yet. As was the case for many soldiers this solemn night, there was unfinished business to tend to. There were farewells to be made. Lifetimes of meanings needed to be truncated to brief letters for loved ones that many may not ever see again. 

Rhea leaned back further and rubbed her temples. She was used to risking her life every day, but there was no question that tomorrow will be unlike anything she has ever faced before. How do you kill an Elder Dragon? No less one who has managed to upheave an entire lost civilization?

This time, she and her comrades may truly die a horrible, permanent death. The idea of never seeing her friends and family again never quite struck her the way it did now. Everything she worked towards and bled for would come to a bitter end. All of her hopes for the future would be snuffed out like a candle. She felt as though she dangled over an endless precipe, held by nothing but a thin thread, and the anxiety made her heart ache and stomach churn nonstop. It was debilitating. 

Rhea shook it off and returned her attention to the blank parchment. All that remained to do now was say goodbye to him. Thinking about what to say was numbing. After all, how do you say farewell to someone who might not be able to understand what he means to you? 

Not only was he her superior officer and the leader of a massive armada that the survival of the entire world depended on, but he is not even human! Even better, he was the first of his other-worldly kind. Everything about his identity was the substance of pure legend. How do you confess something so horribly vulnerable to someone of such incredible, almost supernatural importance? Why risk such painful embarrassment?

Because he’s my best friend, Rhea thought. 

And I might never see him again. 

This was the one fact that brought Rhea peace of mind in the storm of her emotions. It took her a painfully long time to accept the truth.

In these past few weeks, it nearly drove her mad to not come to terms with what she was feeling. She thought of him day and night. What was he up to? Is he holding up well? Or is he overburdened, from being buried neck-deep in paperwork, logistics, and the emotional trauma of being responsible for the deaths of countless brave souls, young and old? Even worse, was there someone or something making another attempt on his life, whilst she is unable to shield him from danger? 

Her juvenile instincts often fantasized of an alternate universe where there were no Elder Dragons to kill, no Pact to lead, no other-worldly dangers to run from or into. It would be just the two of them, perhaps strolling along the roaming green hills of Kessex as they muse about history, literature, or the humble and charming livelihoods of the farmers they pass by. 

Or perhaps they would walk beneath the lush canopies of Caledon, where she could learn more about the wondrous idiosyncrasies of his people and admire the boundless potential of the Sylvaris’ future. 

Rhea realized that she ached for such fantasies because no matter the danger that surrounded them, every moment spent in his company made her feel... warm. Safe. Happy. When was the last time she had such a reliable source of pure contentment? If ever? She thought life would forever be an uphill battle for acceptance, belonging, and survival. But it all became so small when she was at his side. With him, she was enough. If not more.

Of course, however, they would never have crossed paths had there been no Zhaitan, or armies of Risen or the impending doom of the world. Thus, here they are, a sunrise away from facing their ultimatum, and she, Commander Rhea Hanaku, must confess she is hopelessly in love with Marshal Trahearne. 

She continued. 

  Trahearne, my dear friend, 

It should be without surprise that I consider you my closest companion. My firmest ally. After everything we have endured together over the past year, you would probably agree when I say there are no words that can complement the significance of our friendship. 

As usual, your confidence in me is overwhelming, and you assure me that we will certainly see each other again on the other side of this upcoming battle. And as usual, my pessimism has compelled me to overcompensate in light of the worst. 

 Rhea's lips curled to a small smile. The sentiment took her back to what felt like an ancient memory. 

  “You seemed to have known each other well,” Rhea said quietly, her eyes glumly fixed on the dark waters and misty horizon that surrounded their ship. 

“We did,” Trahearne replied with a gentle smile. “I’ve counseled the Vigil on many of their campaigns against the Risen. As you might expect, Forgal was often the point-person for those initiatives. We had spent countless missions with our backs against each other. And, well,” he cleared his throat, “countless celebratory drinks at many-a-tavern. As many times Forgal has saved my life, there were just as many times he threatened it with one too many pints.” 

Rhea’s eyes lit up towards Trahearne, and she surprised herself with the light laughter that escaped her lips. “You and me both,” she said with a small smile. Her eyes studied the sylvari before her. Despite the poise in Trahearne’s composure and the graciousness of his smile, she could sense a deep sadness in the golden glow of his eyes. 

Forgal had always complained that ever since his “old age”, he only bothered fraternizing with those he held in high regard. After all she had witnessed from Firstborn Trahearne in the few hours they’ve known each other, it wasn't hard to tell why this sylvari fell in that category. The thought of her mentor made her eyes water once more. Rhea turned away quickly. 

“I’m so sorry, Rhea,” Trahearne said softly. “I can tell you two were close, as well.” 

Rhea stared back at him. The sadness he shared with her and the concern he expressed made Rhea feel closer to the sylvari. For the first time since they embarked on this forlorn voyage, she felt warmth creep back into her chest. 

“You know what hurts the most?” Rhea whispered,  as she couldn’t help but give in to the sincerity in his eyes. “He always said that I was the kid he should have had.” It took everything she had to gulp back her emotions. Countless memories of laughter and heart-to-hearts with her mentor rushed through her. Countless memories that gave her hope for a future that she could be proud of. They were the kind of memories she never had with her own parents despite the many years she spent under their cold gilded rooftops. “I thought he was just joking. But I wish I could've told him... I wanted to tell him, he was the family I wish I had, too.” 

She was undone. The truth of what she had lost today dropped on her like a torrential downpour. Her tears followed suit. For some reason, she wasn’t surprised when she felt the sylvari gently wrap her arms around her in a comforting embrace. 

“Forgal never needed formalities to know the truth,” Trahearne said quietly. “In all the years I've known Forgal, I've never seen him look upon someone with as much pride as I did today. He understood what he meant to you, Rhea. That is why he made the choice he made today." The low timbre of his voice sent a soothing pulse to her senses.

Rhea’s breathing slowed, finding comfort in his words. Trahearne slowly withdrew so he could look her in the eye, “He knew what you were capable of. And I saw that with my own eyes today. His sacrifice will never be in vain because of you. I believe that wholeheartedly.” 

At that moment, she was dumbstruck. Rhea could not understand the intimidation the Lionguard soldiers at Claw Island felt in Trahearne's presence. All she could see before her was a sylvari with a world of kindness and mature understanding in his eyes. It was the kind of deep, soothing warmth one found in a finely aged wine - a sweetness tempered by the mellowed nature only earned by years and years grounded in earth. His sharp, strangely handsome features suddenly appeared all the more gentle and noble. He was stunning.

 Rhea continued to write. The memory reminded her of how much Trahearne inspired her to confide in him. At the end of the day, he was her friend first and foremost. What was the worst that could happen...? 

Please allow me once more to overcompensate for my pessimism. Please allow me to prepare for the possibility that this is my last chance to speak to you truthfully. 

There is a confession in this letter that I’m afraid you won’t be prepared for, Trahearne. My heart is hurting from simply writing this. My heart hurts every time I think of you.

Forgive me, my friend, but I'm afraid I love you.

---

[dboliklover]

Tainting The Angel So That She Falls - Kanato

You were an archangel

Brilliant and strong - caring and motherly.

You spent centuries caring for the sweet naive humans.

You viewed them as your children if you were perfectly honest.

Angels weren’t permitted to reproduce amongst themselves. Creation was not what you were made for; just protecting and caring for the created.

And that was just what you did. Humans were your babies - your beloved children.

Even when they made mistakes - you forgave them, just as you were supposed to - supposed to lead them all back into the light.

When the other angels argued that humanity was a plague, you intervened and defended them, trying to explain the fact that good and evil co-existed inside of humans. They were morally grey beings - never fully good and never fully evil.

But others did not listen to you, no matter how hard you tried - and it upset you terribly to know some angels hated these poor, pitiful humans.

It was true; humanity was growing increasingly terrible and it caused a great plight within your heart - and so you were relentless with trying to save humans - when disasters happened you swooped in, tried to save as many as possible - you tried to defend abused children, and when someone had a growing evil in their soul you attempted to cleanse it from them, sadly not always with a full success rate.

Some humans, you realised, could not be saved from their own ambitions, greed and their love for sinning.

It upset you, greatly, because your capacity for love was unlike that of anyone else - angelic, human, or demonic. You loved intensely, wholly - love consumed you.

It was the fuel that burnt inside your golden heart - you breathed love, created it wherever you could and encouraged it in all shapes and forms.

Who would have ever thought that this all-consuming ability to love unconditionally would only bring about your fall from grace itself?

You loved so much that your love extended from humans - to every hurt creature. From humans to animals - and soon, you would find, to even creatures of the darkest nights.

A holy being such as yourself was kept far from the creatures of darkness until you weren’t.

At a church - seemingly abandoned - you met a boy. He looked younger than he was, you found out - but he held some traits you found adorable and carried around the sweetest teddy bear. But he did seem more than slightly...unhinged.

He didn’t seem to immediately realise who - or what - you were, and you were hesitant once you realised his aura was vampiric. The whole situation was surreal and the conversation was mostly you apologising for trespassing in an area that he clearly was protective over, and gently assured him you meant no harm.

You could also tell he was immensely troubled. The sorrow and trauma practically flowed from him, spiritually, and you felt distraught at the prospect, so you did what you always did - you attempted to save him from himself.

Maybe it was wishful thinking and you were incredibly foolish for it - you knew you were incredibly foolish for it - and yet, despite this, you felt hopeful. Hopeful that you would be able to save this vampire from the traumas of his best.

Your good heart was driving you into committing yourself to an insane task that was going to cost you everything.

He was understandably hesitant around you at first, making cruel, bitter remarks and trying to creep you out - fortunately for you, there were only few things in this world that scared you and vampires certainly weren’t a part of it.

If you could help humans - maybe you could also help an emotionally wounded vampire, too?

From then on you tried to find ways to help heal his broken shards and put him back together again - and for a while, you thought it was working. Gradually he started to become more honest with you, though his brashness never faded.

It felt like you were making real progress.

But you had no idea the dark, disgusting things Kanato Sakamaki was thinking about in his mind each time he saw you. Thoughts about how pretty you were - how you would make a surely perfect bride-doll for him if given the chance to turn you into a part of his growing collection of beauty.

It was endearing though - and though he wouldn’t admit it, having someone so caring and motherly here for him, comforting him...it was what he never had with Cordelia and he enjoyed your company far too much to turn you into a snow-dressed doll.

You were good to him, and with time his intentions to take the light from your eyes turned into an internalised childish desire to keep you with him. He hated when you weren’t there - he hated how attached he felt.

You made him weak and vulnerable and you needed to take responsibility and stay here with him, forever. He needed your attention or he felt like he would die.

Fury coated his bones as he thought of the prospect of you ever leaving. Ever betraying him and hurting him as his birth mother had. Clenching tightly onto teddy, Kanato felt angry tears well in his eyes at the idea of life without you in it - or worse, a life where you would end up abandoning him.

He wouldn’t let you!

You couldn’t leave, you couldn’t abandon him and leave him by himself.

It started getting harder to leave, from then on. Every time you had to say goodbye to him and go back to your home in the skies, he would throw a tantrum - each one far more violent than the last. It made you pity him further - but it also frightened you, but you reminded yourself he was a wounded soul that needed saving and bringing to the light.

But soon, even your attempts and comforting him weren’t enough if it meant you still had to leave him alone at the end of the day.

You had things to do - vital responsibilities to fulfil, but Kanato demanded all your time for himself, knowing how much you hated to see him cry and using his bloodied tears as a manipulation tactic, aware of how he was your weakness.

You wanted the best for him because you cared about him more than he could ever know.

And just as he got attached to you - you, too, got attached to him. You adored him, and loved spending time with him and wished you could have more of it - but you had duties.

You were an archangel, you were not even supposed to fraternise with vampires - yet here you were, holding one in your sweet embrace, his head on your soft bosom, humming a gentle lullaby which was carried by the wind.

You’d have to go, soon.

For once, though, Kanato stirred in your embrace but did not grab the nearest object to throw against the walls out of his immense agony of having to part from you.

This time, he did something that was so unlike him. He looked up at you with teary eyes, clenching onto your blouse. “Don’t.” His voice was soft and weak - so vulnerable - more than you thought you would ever be privy to hear. “Don’t go.”

You knew you had to - but your heart pounded in your chest and a thousand tiny knives pierced through it when you moved a single limb. You had to, but your conscience and love for Kanato refused to let you go.

You couldn’t go - not when he stared up at you with such raw desperation. He needed you.

And you needed him, too.

So you stayed with him because it was the thing that made you happy.

Centuries of helping others - never once thinking about yourself meant that this once, you wanted to act on a whim and a desire.

Even if you knew this was going to make you fall, you didn’t mind it.

You’d have Kanato by your side, and you would be by his side, and that would be enough for you.

Shu: Click here 

Reiji: Click here 

Ayato: Click here

Laito: Click here

Subaru: WIP 

- Mod Rozalia

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, SE02, Ep22

I was pleasantly surprised that this was one of the best balanced eps concerning tohru as of yet!! They touched upon her being mom-figure in the first half but proceeded to humanize her afterward, depicting her as normal girl!, frustrated, vulnerable & somewhat silently struggling. I was right in my prediction that the moment yuki lets go of mom-tohru image, the show will too!! I’m happy!! finally, No more angels in the sky. But only real tohru with flaws, ugliness & humanity.

-Yuki’s acceptance of past feelings & change towards new ones:

The show is aware that they’ve been using the fake love-triangle initially but it actually has an explanation within the story. Yuki is attracted to tohru, so much, but it isn’t romantic at all. his attempts in “correcting” how he perceived her didn’t set right with him & he felt weirded out more! The show brilliantly depicted these “flirty scenes” with a hint of uneasiness. Yuki’s lines/ moves felt cringey & artificial “do you like my act, princess”,”I’ll kidnap you”, being encouraged by Aya to compliment tohru as a boy should. The signs are all there except not in your face, & the writer deserves praise!! Yuki, being perceptive, was able to reach such conclusion, not only by looking into himself, but by also at looking how kyo interacted with her, differently from him. Kyo sees tohru as a woman & is attracted to her romantically & altho kyo’s words & interactions with tohru lacks princely smoothness & have a hint of awkwardness, it was natural, genuine & spontaneous. Kyo didn’t put on an act or forced himself to flirt or deliberately chose words to impress tohru. Yuki was able to notice tohru only looked romantically towards kyo. Yuki used all his observations to reach another conclusion abt himself too!!! What he wants in a relationship is sth similar to kyo/tohru!! Mutual & equal relationship. He won’t be satisfied by one-sidedly giving or taking.

-The Author’s brilliance in writing traumatic-based behavior ( Kyo/yuki’s best interaction!! ) :

-an anon cryptically warned me that I’ll be disappointed in kyo this ep cuz of a certain scene with yuki. After watching it, I can tell you without a doubt I’m not disappointed at all!! Rather I’m beyond satisfied that I’ve decided to trust the author. Ms. Takya is genius in depicting traumatic-based behavior! Any other writer, would write the scene less raw, yuki would still shine defeating his inner demos, but kyo would only grunt, or say sth mild. cuz the writer might fear that it might risk showing kyo as the stupid guy behind in his growth compared to the successful yuki ,or annoy the readers/viewers who are so eager for these boys to reach mutual ground. Only a great writer will be brave enough to write kyo as his trauma/ faulty copying mechanism logically dictates!

-We spent an entire season with yuki, saw him yell at kakeru’s insensitive hurtful remarks, cry knowing he was saved cuz a friend risked freeing him, it took a locked dark room, paint fumes, PTSD, tons of monologues before yuki finally let it all out! & you want such brilliant writer to make kyo turn around & be nice to yuki all of a sudden after episodes of fights & no perspective insight? You bet such amazing writer will give kyo’s perspective its time & his development the logical progress he needs. This writer is all abt logical & realistic progression! whether positive or even negative, the characters will come across human, raw, realistic & real during & after their journey.

- Going through kyo/yuki’s dialogue, it will tell you that furuba is NOT abt friendship saving the day, or abt successful growth. It is abt the journey these traumatized children are undergoing now that they are nearly becoming young adults. Yuki’s journey was amazing not cuz he succeeded (as amazingly as this is) but cuz it made sense from his perspective, was realistic, logical, matched his coping mechanism & character traits & it took the needed time. Now for kyo, all his reactions should match his perspective, & make sense giving his coping mechanism. He wasn’t given time yet. so, he won’t grow much yet. “Making a fool of me?” kyo didn’t see yuki’s perspective abt the hat. he thinks yuki did it on purpose to taunt him.That HE saved tohru while kyo fails as always. “Praised by others, needed by them” Kyo like everybody in school, always thought yuki is a prince, loved, & admired. Kyo is not the audience, he didn’t see yuki’s struggle.”surpass me easily while I struggle” kyo may train for years with tears & blood, but the rat will beat him always cuz he is superiors. “an idiot that never gets anything, wants an idiotic impossible thing” “if only I gave birth to the rat, I’d ve been happier” kyo’s mom wished or the impossible. So did kyo. He wished that he’d prove to her that he can be the rat’s equal. She shouldn't have died becuz of him. An impossible wish.

-I personally think that kyo’s journey will take a different path from yuki’s. Unlike yuki, kyo’s been accused & proved to harm others somehow, intentionally or unintentionally. Some not even in this world anymore. So there are things in kyo’s journey that can’t be fixed. Nothing will bring his mom or kyoko back to life. He can’t apologize to them. There is NO forgiveness here as kyoko said!. Hence, the writer will brilliantly make kyo fall so hard & reach rock bottom so bad before he stands up again!! It matches his personality too!! He’s a person who struggles in expressing himself verbally, gets overwhelmed with emotions, stubborn, hard on himself & fiery in nature. Moreover, due to his trauma, he harbors very low self-esteem & due to his guilt, he is drenched in self-loath.

-The addiction of destructive coping mechanism ( Writing Brilliancy):

Kyo has one of the most destructive coping mechanism in the show. Similarly to what his father did by illogically dumping all the blame of the mom’s suicide on 4 year old child, which resulted in hurting kyo, kyo adopted his dad’s ways & dumped it all on yuki. Illogical. wrong. but it works!! it numbs this tingling sense of guilt, it puts the voice that goes “ you’re unforgivable” temporarily to sleep. All the hate is on someone else. not me. I’m not a monster. does it work all the time? NO. cuz NO drug does! All drugs has this temporary effect, that unless you break away from, will end up destroying you. “don’t you want it that way? you wouldn’t want to have anyone to hate?“  I’m still confused if this is kyoko or his mom. It has kyoko’s hair, the words are very harsh. Kyoko from kyo’s perspective shifts between extremely kind & cruelly harsh! but regardless, the truth has been spoken. Kyo’s eyes are opened. He can’t force blind himself anymore. he does NOT hate yuki. he “ acts like hating yuki is sth you needs to do”, as shigure said! hating yuki is his way to escape from his destructive self-loath. He hasn’t been hating or fighting yuki for a long while, he tries now, one more fight, one more dose of the drug, let the pain go away! Nope. Yuki is not participating, yuki is in the light now. You are drenched in the darkness, as unforgivable as you are. Monster eyes & all. Kyo breaks the window to break away from the memory. from this point on, it escalates to rock bottom as the drug is no longer working & hating himself with no escape is all he’s left with.

-Protecting leading to hurting:

yuki brings kyo attention that while he’s been hard on himself & resisting change, he is hurting tohru. Sth kyo chose confinement in oder to NOT do. Kyo being distant from class activities “life” is his choice. Tohru suffering is a consequence to that choice. Kyo, once again, overwhelmed by tohru’s desire to include him in their activities “ life”. Helplessly & painfully looking at her & acknowledging yuki’s words. Kyo in one of his most vulnerable moments, matched only by true form hug scene, is desperate for a hug. Not only cuz he loves her, but cuz he needs her, cuz he’s so tried of himself, cuz she’s so endearingly stupid waiting for him all by herself when she could’ve easily caught him home!! Ugh! tohru! T_T. Except this time, kyo is aware of his surroundings, it’s school, no place for transformation. As kyo decides to change his position from hug to head rest, he stares so intently in her eyes. Embracing her with his presence. For a moment there I felt weird. Like I was intruding on a personal moment between two ppl. XD. This moment was this excellently weird mix of tenderly romantic, bittersweet cuz they cant be together hug, & sexually tensed! one of the most successful kyoru moment that truly depicted emotions visually without needing much dialogue!

Side Notes:

kyo/yuki interaction was their most honest, filter-free & raw moment! each said what he really felt. yuki’s directly telling kyo to complain to him, which kyo did. yuki urging kyo to see that punishing himself hurts tohru.

I appreciate that Yuki won’t tell tohru now, cuz it will ruin their progress towards a better balanced relationship. Tohru’s lid hasn’t even been touched, so she would be cautious interacting with him. But once she opens her lid, her self-worth increase & her desire to focus on herself more is ignited!, she’ll listen to him without taking his burden as hers. just like kakeru did. Equal friends.

I wanted to talk deeper abt machi & yuki, but didn’t want it to be overshadowed by kyo’s analysis. Next time for sure!

I love how the writer included the most spontaneous flirting moment between kyo & tohru right after yuki explained that he saw her non-romantically. The writer wants the comparison to be clear cutting ties to any love-triangle misunderstanding that might linger from previous scenes. Moreover, it showed yuki fully & genuinely accepting kyoru!!

I’ll never be over tohru acting like normal teenager & chasing kyo, trying to catch the script!!!! These small moments while having not much effect on the grand plot, help depict tohru with her own feisty style of stubbornness beyond the one-sided kind image we always see.

This ep has well-written & visually appealing scenes. Visual imagery were well-implemented in kyo/yuki scene & kyo/tohru last scene.

Thank you anime for drawing tohru older, pretty & more mature in the final scene. She looked like a woman in love & silently in pain. My baby is growing!

Why is kyoko holding the hat in KYO’s flashback!!!! she’s wearing the same white dress from yuki’s memory?? What the heck is the hat’s story?!!!

[nullbutexe]

SHADOWHUNTERS - Created by Ed Decter - Based on The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare

Content Warning - Mentions of abuse, suicide, self harm, internalised homophobia and drugs.

The Netflix show Shadowhunters has a lot of important topics to talk about. These include sexuality, grief, addiction, religion and mental illness.

Firstly, the Warlock, Magnus. Magnus Bane is an openly bisexual male who doesn't conform to gender roles. He is not ashamed to talk about his past relationships with both men and women, which is something that is not really seen within the LGBT community. People often hide their sexuality or gender identity due to fear of being treated differently, but Magnus is so open about his sexuality. He is not ashamed of who he is and is proud of his identity, something everyone should aspire to be, regardless of their gender identity or sexuality.

Magnus embraces his femininity, unlike a lot of cisgender men. He wears makeup (specifically eyeliner, which he describes as his tiger stripes) and paints his nails, something which is a stereotypically feminine trait (although that is slowly changing). As well as this, a lot of his clothing could be described as 'feminine'. This shows other LGBTQ+ people that they are able to embrace their femininity regardless of their gender identity; Things should not be gendered. Experimenting with your gender expression should not be looked down on. Everyone should be able to be free to express themselves however they want without fear of judgement. Magnus’ character is the embodiment of this. He is never judged for how he expresses himself.

Magnus is also shown to struggle with the loss of magic and therefore turns to alcohol, which is a very negative coping mechanism. He ends up having a breakdown in front of his (at the time) boyfriend as a result of drinking too much and not being able to cope with his magic being taken away. Magnus has friends who help him through his loss, especially Alec, who reminds him he is no less of a person without his magic and that he still loves him regardless. People often turn to alcohol or drugs as they believe it will distract them from their issues, which is why this portrayal is very true to the real world. Magnus feels a loss of identity through losing his magic, which is to be expected since he has has magic for over four hundred years. He feels powerless and useless without this huge part of him, however he is lucky to have a huge support system to help him through his dark times.

As well as the trauma from losing his magic twice, Magnus also suffers from PTSD due to events of his past. When body swapped with Valentine, the Clave use the agony rune on Magnus as a form of torture to get him to tell them where the Mortal Cup is. The rune only ends up bringing up past trauma which he has spent centuries trying to bury. After returning to his body, Magnus talks to Alec about what he did and explains that he never wanted Alec to see this ugly side of him. Showing Magnus so vulnerable and talking about his trauma shows people that opening up can help them move on from events of the past. Alec is extremely comforting towards Magnus and expresses how he thinks there is nothing ugly about him. This seems to be a huge relief for Magnus.

Next, Shadowhunter Alec. Alec Lightwood is one of the few gay characters who hasn't been portrayed in a stereotypical way. He is the leader of the New York Institute and is incredibly masculine, which is very different to how gay men are usually portrayed in the media. Having a (now openly) gay man be someone that high up in status is important as it shows other gay or LGBTQ+ people that they can do everything that a non LGBTQ+ person can do and more. By being open about the fact he is gay to the rest of the Institute, it gives other LGBTQ+ Shadowhunters the confidence to be able to talk about their sexuality or gender, as shown by Underhill who tells Alec how inspirational he is. As well as other characters now being confident in opening up about their sexuality, a lot of fans would have also found inspiration in Alec's bravery to come out the way he did. Alec also dealt with a lot of internalised homophobia due to his status and his family, which is something a lot of people can relate to as people are often ashamed of their sexuality due to judgemental family or how society can portray the LGBTQ+ community. Alec managed to get rid of the internalised homophobia with the help of his family and friends, and his now husband. This shows to fans that there are people who support them greatly and will never judge them. Having supportive people around you can help immensely and can save someone's life.

In season 2 episode 4, Alec is possessed by a demon who uses his body to kill Jocelyn, Clary’s mother. He feels incredibly guilty about this and blames himself, despite the others telling him not to. We don’t see much more about Alec’s guilt until season 2 episode 8, in which Alec’s worst fears are brought out due to Iris’ attack on Magnus’ apartment. When talking to Clary on the balcony, he hears her blame him for her mother’s death, when in reality she is trying to talk him down from the balcony. He tries to jump, but luckily Magnus catches him before he manages to. After the attack has been resolved, Magnus talks about how magic cannot create fears, but bring them out, showing just how much Jocelyn’s death effected Alec. As well as Alec almost falling from the balcony, we see him repeatedly shoot arrows which results in his fingers bleeding. This seems like a type of self harm for him, as he doesn’t use the healing rune to fix up the wounds. Magnus points this out as well as the fact that Alec is clearly hurting due to what the demon did. He explains that Alec hopes the pain in his fingers will overpower the pain he is feeling from the guilt, but that it is not that easy. Magnus does all he can to try and comfort Alec.

In the finale of season 3B, we see Alec as Inquisitor and Magnus as High Warlock of Alicante. Previously, there would never have been a High Warlock for any of the Shadowhunter cities, as Downworlders and Shadowhunters were generally separated. By being open about their relationship and Alec being so high in power, they managed to change how the Shadowhunters treat other Downworlders. They ultimately end up working with each other instead of against. Magnus and Alec changed the world with their relationship. They ended the blatant racism between Downworlders and Shadowhunters and they are finally treated as equal.

When planning his and Magnus’ wedding, he states he would like to have it at the Institute. He explains that this is because the Clave would have to celebrate a relationship between a Shadowhunter and a Downworlder under their own roof. Having the wedding in the Institute shows how much Alec is willing to do to abolish the clear racism and hatred of Downworlders within the Clave. This, along with several other acts during the one year time skip (I imagine), had a huge effect on the perception on Downworlders and both Shadowhunters and Downworlders end up working together.

Raphael Santiago is (while nothing is explicitly said about his sexuality) an asexual vampire. He explains to Izzy that he's not interested in sex, implying he is asexual, which was then comfirmed by the book writer, Cassandra Clare. Vampires are often portrayed as sexual beings in the media, and the fact that Raphael is asexual is completely different from the norm. There isn't a lot of asexual representation in the media and is often completely forgotten about, so seeing a character be open about his asexuality to one of his friends gives representation to an often ignored sexuality. Having this kind of representation is important as it lets other asexual people know they aren't alone and also validates their feelings.

Raphael also manages to keep his faith throughout his life time despite everything he has been through. When he becomes mundane again, he talks about how he went to morning mass for the first time in 80 years. In the season finale of 3B, he states to Simon and Isabelle that he joined the seminary and is on his way to becoming a priest. Despite the hell he has been through, he still managed to keep his faith and intends to devote his life to it. To other religious people who might watch the show, it tells them that they should never give up on their faith, regardless of what they go through. Despite not being a religious person myself, I can fully understand how that may be comforting.

We see Raphael’s sister struggle with dementia as it ultimately worsens and she easily forgets who Raphael is. Despite her not knowing who he is, he visits her often and spends as much time as possible with her. In season 3 episode 3, Raphael gets a phone call from the nursing home explaining that she has passed away. This very clearly affects him a lot, and he immediately turns to Izzy for comfort. He is upset that he cannot attend her funeral due to it being during the day, so Izzy promises that she will go in his place. When he becomes mundane again, he goes to Rosa’s grave and plants flowers for her, something he hadn’t been able to do previously. I think this would have been a huge weight off of his chest.

In season 3 episode 5, the head of security, Underhill, talks to Alec about how he is an inspiration for being in a same sex relationship with a downworlder. He explains that if it wasn’t for Alec he would have never had the courage to come out to the Institute. He had to keep his private life separate from his job at the institute until Alec had the courage to show his true feelings for Magnus. This just proves how much of an inspiration Alec is to the rest of the Institute.

As well as Underhill, Shadowhunters Helen (who is half Seelie) and Aline also end up having the courage to be together. In the finale, we see them kiss at Alec and Magnus’ wedding after talking about what they could wear for their own wedding. Their relationship is a similar one to Alec and Magnus, as it is a same sex relationship and one of them is part Downworlder. If it wasn’t for Magnus and Alec being open about their relationship, I doubt they would have been able to be public with their own.

Luke Garroway’s partner, Ollie Wilson, is also in a same sex relationship. While she and her girlfriend, Sam, are a minor part of the show, it gives us another same sex relationship but with mundanes instead of the Shadow World. The two share everything with each other and seem to be in a very committed and loving relationship.

The show also deals with drug addiction, as seen in Isabelle Lightwood. Victor Aldertree gives Izzy Yin Fen, a drug made from vampire venom, as a pain relief for her demon wound. Yin Fen is immediately addicting and Aldertree gives her a jar of it to use when she needs it. Once she finds out what it is from the Iron Sisters, she tried to stay clean, but ends up suffering from really bad withdrawals. In response to this, she tries to find some vampires who are willing to feed from her to get her fix of venom. Raphael agrees to do this, which only gets him addicted to her blood. They both agree that it would be best for them both to stop. Izzy then uses candy as a way to control her withdrawals. Through this and the support of her brother, she manages to stay clean.

Abuse is also heavily dealt with. Johnathan, Clary’s brother, was sent to Edom at a young age and suffered torture from Lilith. She burned him constantly, and when he returned to Earth, he continued to burn himself as a sort of reminder. As well as physically abusing Johnathan, Lilith also mentally abused him, telling him that no one would come for him. This clearly affected him for the rest of his life and he continues to struggle with the trauma of the abuse. When connected by the twinning rune, the behaviour of burning himself was also transferred to Clary. They slowly become more connected and behaviours are shared.

Every topic discussed within the show was dealt with in a very mature and understanding way. With such heavy topics being included, there is always the potential for there to be bad writing as people often struggle to understand certain concepts, but they were all very well written and dealt with maturely. All of these things combined have made Shadowhunters one of the most representative shows to ever exist. These are the reasons why it has become one of my favourite shows and why I will never let it go, even though it’s officially over. It didn’t deserve to end at all, but I’m just glad we got to have this amazing show exist in the first place.

Thank you to the cast and crew, who have done an amazing job portraying some of the best characters and storylines. Thank you for making me and a lot of others feel like they aren’t alone in the world.

[captaincartervalues]

Season 5 rewrite

Imagine how great season 5 would have been if the Crisis lead up and Lena’s and Kara’s storyline had been the sole focus, front and center all season long:

We get Team Supergirl and the DEO learning a Crisis is coming and figuring out what exactly that means while analyzing the catalog of DEO alien records at their disposal and searching for any instance of the “Monitor” or “Anti-Monitor.” The team inevitably asking Brainy as he is from the future and Brainy explaining his knowledge or lack thereof concerning the historical event of Crisis while theorizing that Crisis must be the root of the loss of records and certain information in the future.

We get Dreamer trying to tap into the core of her powers to dream Crisis and interpret her visions. She gets stuck and has problems understanding what she is seeing until her mom comes to her and points her toward the solution she’s been ignoring: her sister. Her sister studied her whole life waiting to become Dreamer so of course she has more knowledge than Nia who avoided it her whole life. She is forced to reach out to her sister and work through their issues toward reconciliation so they can both help stop Crisis and become closer as sisters once again.

We get Kara having to face the possibility that her biggest trauma and worst fear may happen again if they don’t figure this out. We get her and J’onn discussing the loss of their worlds and how while their pain is shared the process of their loss differs greatly. Because while J’onn had to watch the gradual and torturous genocide of his people, Kara lost her people and her planet in an instant, forced to relive that firey blaze over and over in the phantom zone, literally and figuratively trapped in time. J’onn asks how she has dealt with that and Kara says she hasn’t, not fully and with tears in her eyes she turns to him and says how can I survive losing it all again? Losing more than what I lost on Krpton? Losing a home I chose to love? Losing a sister? Losing Eliza and you? Losing my best friends? Losing Lena?

We get Kara struggling with preparing for Crisis as Supergirl and not reporting on it as Kara. She struggles with not being able to inform the masses, not letting loved ones cherish the time they have now and say goodbyes they wouldn’t otherwise get. Alex tells her it’s for the best and for their security to keep it confidential but Kara isn’t as sure and resents having to keep yet another secret. She has seen how secrets hurt those you love and she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to keep this one too.

We get Kara telling Lena all about Crisis after saying no more secrets and that Lena will know everything in 5x01. Lena works with the team trying to stop Crisis while also continuing her secret project thinking that the worlds won’t be worth saving unless people stop hurting each other first and that only once she gets them to stop hurting each other will they be able to truly come together to stop crisis. After all, the multiverse may be in physical crisis, but humanity is in a moral crisis. She has to stop both.

We get Kara having vulnerable and open moments with Lena about Krypton and how scared she is of Crisis taking another home. Kara shares more with Lena than she ever has all while Lena shares nothing of her true feelings and anger towards Kara as she continues to use her. Though unbeknownst to Lena, her own emotions are becoming mixed and blurred the more Kara shares with and confides in Lena.

We get Alex trying to bear the burden of DEO Director as the biggest threat to Earth, all the Earths, is before them. We see her second guessing herself and her decisions asking J’onn for help only for him to show her the answers within herself and to trusts her instincts, reminding her of the questionable and wrong decisions the DEO made under him and the times she instilled hope and compassion in him.

We get Alex sharing small and big moments with Kelly knowing they might be the only ones they’ll ever get. We get Kelly dealing with her fears of losing her loved ones and realizing loving someone and loving Alex is worth the fear of losing them and you can’t run from a crisis, you have to run towards it with the support of your people.

We get Kelly having individual talks with the team about coping with something as huge and stressful as Crisis. Kelly talks through some of Nia’s mental blocks so she can dream more clearly and more freely. Kelly talks with Brainy after he breaks down about not having the answers and not knowing which courses of action are statistically better. He becomes indecisive out of fear of leading the team down the wrong path before crisis which prompts him to realign with his original cold and calculating side. Kelly helps him embrace his emotions again reminding him that sometimes the statistically inferior choice is the right choice bc statistics can’t always replace instinct. Kelly talks with Kara about the struggles of living an every day life reporting on things that are trivial compared to the end of existence. Kelly helps Kara realize that in the face of such overwhelming catastrophe, it can be the mundane and the menial that grounds us in reality. Lena refuses to talk with Kelly insisting she is fine but Kelly senses the opposite becoming increasingly worried. She keeps trying to let Lena know she’s there but Lena keeps isolating herself as much as possible.

We get Kara repeatedly skipping meetings about Crisis strategy to help Lena or spend time with Lena and when she is at Crisis brainstorms (with and without Lena) Kara seems distracted at times. Alex talks with Kara about Lena and tries to be understanding but Lena says she forgave Kara and they have bigger things to worry about so Alex gets increasingly frustrated with Kara’s behavior until she explodes. Alex and Kara get into a big fight when Alex confronts Kara accusing her of not putting enough energy and focus into their Crisis prep. Alex demands her full focus and Kara yells back saying she can’t when her focus is Lena. Alex says this is more important than Lena and Kara saying nothing is more important than Lena. Alex reminding Kara there are literal worlds at stake and Kara saying Lena is her world and there is no world worth living on without Lena in her life. (You thought Kara choosing Lena over the world was gay? We could have had Kara choosing Lena over infinite worlds! INFINITE GAYDOM)

We still get the juicy confrontation with Lena and Kara but this time with more emotional stakes bc of all the extra intimate moments they have shared and time spent trying to stop crisis together while Kara thought they were also getting so much closer than they ever have. Kara telling Lena, she knows why she helped them with Crisis but why did she keep pretending to be her friend for so long? And Lena has less of an “I needed you for my plan excuse” and it’s purely “because I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me” stab you the heart. Imagine Lena being able to complete her plan and steal myriad without pretending to be Kara’s friend bc under the guise of crisis she could manipulate Kara into thinking they need whatever from the fortress for Crisis and instead actively choosing to get closer to Kara emotionally just to devastate her as much as Kara did her.

We get another confrontation between Alex and Kara where instead of Alex doing a character 180 and using the “sHe’S a LuThOR” excuse, it’s her just saying Lena is my friend too and I care about her but we don’t have time to try to save her, Kara. We have to stop her now so we can get back to Crisis. And Kara refusing to accept that, saying they have to try bc it’s Lena and she can’t lose Lena. She won’t lose Lena. Alex trying and failing to convince Kara they don’t have the time and asking Kara if she’s really willing to risk the fate of the multiverse on a friend. Kara saying she’s not a friend. She’s Lena. I would risk it all for Lena. And Alex being like wait that’s like super gay my dude but we’ll chat about that later. Okay you useless bi let’s go save your girlfriend.

Bonus:

We could have still gotten some spicy Andrea+Kara conflict along the way as Kara tries to balance reporting with dealing with Lena and Crisis while establishing Andrea’s character as CatCo and Obsidian CEO more

Getting only hints and foreshadowing of leviathan and William’s investigation of them for an epic and surprising reveal of Andrea’s involvement in 5B

James deciding that his best role for Crisis isn’t as Guardian but as a photographer capturing human/alien moments on film and documenting the beauty of life while he can because sometimes it’s not just about fighting tooth and nail to survive but about living while you can. Knowing that his photos can later deliver some hints of comfort of pre-Crisis life during post-Crisis grieving

Alex introducing Kelly to Eliza bc they might not get the chance later

Alien/challenge of the week sent by the Monitor to test certain aspects of Team Supergirl and give each character a moment of reflection and growth before Crisis begins

Idk maybe an actual freaking conversation between Kara and her mom for once that actually deals with the shit she went through

[themattress]

OUAT AND ME: IN WONDERLAND

Story - Because this spin-off series only lasted for one season's worth of 13 episodes, its story is simply the Wonderland Saga and nothing else beyond that, which is for the best given that the story reaches far too complete an ending for anything beyond it to make any sense. The story is about Alice and what transpired after she returned from her original journey through Wonderland as a little girl, leading up to her romance with a young genie named Cyrus as a teenager, their tragic separation, her commitment to a mental institution, and her return to Wonderland in order to reunite with her lost love alongside her friend the Knave of Hearts, all while facing threats from the Red Queen and Jafar who seek to use Cyrus’ genie powers to break the laws of magic in order to accomplish their own secret goals.

The Wonderland Saga is as tight as tight can be, with one chief setting (Wonderland), a relatively small cast of characters, and a 4-episode beginning, 4-episode middle, and 5-episode end. Of course, this wouldn't matter if it wasn't an engaging story with enjoyable characters, but thankfully it very much is. This series is the brainchild of not just Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis, but also of Jane Espenson and Zack Estrin, and because of this fact combined with its limited length, it actually surpasses the original Once Upon a Time when you stack the two completed shows up against each other. Sometimes, less is more.

As I said, the story is divided into a clear-cut beginning, middle, and end. The beginning focuses on the early part of Alice and the Knave's journey and establishing who they are and what their deal is, while Jafar and the Red Queen's goals and motivations are kept enigmatic and Cyrus is trapped in a cage for the whole duration of the time. The middle lets Cyrus escape, sheds light on Jafar and the Red Queen's goals and motivations, and explores the darker sides of Alice and the Knave as we see just how badly their past traumas have affected them. And the end is all about the alliance of Alice, Cyrus, the Knave and the Red Queen as they fight Jafar and his new ally the Jabberwocky to decide the fate of Wonderland. It's here that all lingering questions are answered and all character arcs are fully completed.

As far as stories go, this is top tier OUAT. I think I like the Dark Curse and Neverland Sagas slightly more, but the Wonderland Saga comes in at an incredibly close third place.

Characters - There are less of them than in the main show, so this will be easy.

* We start with Alice, played by Sophie Lowe as a teenager and by pre-Stranger Things Millie Bobby Brown as a child. She is a wonderfully multi-faceted heroine, capable of great love and great hate, great kindness and great cruelty, great ingenuity and great gullibility, and always treading the line between holding to hope and giving into despair. While her romance with Cyrus is the focal point of the story, I love that it's not the only important aspect to her character. We also delve into her fractured relationship with her father; her initially unsteady but eventually rock solid friendship with Will; her hate, fear and distrust of Anastasia up until she finally sees the girl behind the queenly mask and how very much alike they truly are; and even her internal mental and emotional conflicts with herself on various matters that sometimes go external due to how Wonderland works. And no offense to Emma Swan, who is great in her prime, but I feel like Alice is ultimately the stronger and more likable lead.

* Cyrus really impresses me, because being the romantic male object of the heroine's attention and a guy who spends the entire first third of the story stuck in a cage, he could have very easily been a boring character. But very quickly, he shows that good looks and magic powers aren't all there is to him - this guy is smart. His cleverness and ingenuity that allows him to affect the plot even when inside his cage is something to behold, and he only gets better once he's free from his prison and gets to play off other characters with more frequency. Add to this a backstory where we see he used to be a selfish con artist, and it being his love for Alice that changed the selfish part while repurposing the con artist part for the cause of good, and you have a character you can enjoy and a couple you can root for.

* The show's breakout character, for better or for worse (no, it's definitely for worse, as we'll see in the next post) is the Knave of Hearts / Will Scarlet. Played excellently by Michael Socha, Will was formerly one of Robin Hood's Merry Men but is now an outlaw all to himself in Wonderland. He's sardonic and quippy, selfish and yet reliable at the same time, eerily muted in his emotions due to having his heart removed from his chest and yet clearly possessing deep feelings within his soul that occasionally bubble to the surface. We watch him go from an untrustworthy, cowardly cad who refuses to accept responsibility for anything to a brave and loyal friend who will sacrifice his own well-being for those he cares about. And his love story with Anastasia honestly steals the show from Alice and Cyrus', as it's full of betrayal and heartbreak and fights and truces and reconciliations before its happy ending, and that honestly feels more human than Alice and Cyrus' entirely plot-based separation.

* Speaking of the Red Queen / Anastasia, she is the female villain with a redemption arc that Regina (and Zelena, to a lesser extent) wishes she was. When she first appears, the Red Queen seems to be a chillingly calm and poised sociopath without moral scruples, but she quickly starts displaying vulnerability, and kudos must be given to Emma Rigby for conveying this through her amazing performance. Her cool, haughty face is like a mask, with more and more cracks beginning to show until we see who she really is - Anastasia, a peasant girl who was misled into a life that was full of power and privilege but that was also lonely and way over her capability to endure in the long run, and who desperately wants to take it all back and return to who she used to be. Once she realizes that she won't be getting the magic shortcut she seeks and that in the process of seeking it she'd wrought even more damage to Wonderland, Anastasia fully commits herself to doing better by everyone that she'd hurt. Even horrific torture, temporary death and mind control doesn't stop her from aiding in the cause to save Wonderland! She's amazing and more than earns her happy ending with Will.

* I could gush about Jafar, the Big Bad of the story, all day long. Jafar has always been my favorite Disney Villain, but he's the villain of an animated musical comedy, so I guess I've always had the question in the back of my mind as to what he'd be like if applied to something with a more serious tone? Well, this version of the character, played to chilling perfection by Naveen Andrews, answers that question. Stripped of most of his caricatured and humorous elements, Jafar is a psychotic, power-hungry madman who will stop at nothing to get what he desires. There is no-one he won't manipulate or torture or murder in his quest to become all-powerful. And the show also gives him a feasible, compelling and incredibly dark backstory (he's the bastard child of an Agrabahn sultan who rejected him to the point of trying to murder him) that explains why he is the way he is but is never used to excuse him or entertain the slightest notion that he might be redeemable.  This version of Jafar perfectly embodies what Roy Disney and Jeffrey Katzenberg said about the original: “Jafar is just pure evil. He wants to take over the kingdom and kill everybody in sight or enslave them, or whatever suits his fancy." "This is the guy that wants it all. You know right from the start that he is a desperate character, capable of doing anything and everything to get what he wants".

* The White Rabbit / Percy is a purely CGI character, and you'd fear that this wouldn't work, but the show embraces how cartoony he is and so it actually works perfectly. He's a very appealing character as well: very neurotic and cowardly, but also a family man whose heart is in the right place and who can be very brave when push comes to shove. A lot of his likability also comes from the fact that John Lithgow (yes, I'm surprised they were able to get him too!) does his voice, and I can't think of anyone else who could voice such a character better.

* In terms of side characters, we have many Wonderland staples reimagined for this show, such as the Cheshire Cat who is now a feral beast voiced by Keith David, the Caterpillar who is now a Jabba the Hutt-esque crime boss voiced by Iggy Pop (who sounds nothing like the voice from the main show, but I digress), Tweedledee and Tweedledum who are the Red Queen's manservants (one being undyingly loyal while the other is a spy for Jafar), the sleazy Red King who tempts Anastasia into becoming his bride, the Carpenter who is trapped in a drug-like haze in the Boro Grove, the White Knight who stands guard over an important pair of doorways, and the Jabberwocky, a monster in the form of a humanoid woman whose power is being able to see a person's greatest fear and use it to psychologically torture them.

There is also mention of Alice having met Jefferson the Mad Hatter when she was a child, and Cora the Queen of Hearts herself appears in the flashback that shows how she manipulated events so that Will became the Knave of Hearts and ensure that Anastasia remained the Red Queen, whom she taught magic and villainy to and treated like a daughter. Regina, Zelena, Anastasia...is there no young woman that Cora won’t attempt to ruin?

Other side characters from other realms include Alice's highly flawed yet ultimately repentant father Edwin, his bitch of a new wife Sarah and her precocious young daughter Millie, and the cold-hearted Dr. Lydgate all from Alice's Victorian world; Robin Hood, Maleficent (voice-over only) and Anastasia's mother Lady Tremaine all from the Enchanted Forest; Nyx the guardian of a sacred well, Cyrus' mother and Jafar's teacher Amara, Cyrus' brothers Taj and Rafi, and Jafar's father the Sultan and half-brother Mirza all from Agrabah. The Sultan, by the way, is a particularly interesting character, as he's introduced as Cyrus' kindly old cellmate and you really get to thinking of him as a good guy, only to then learn who he really is and just what an utterly horrible person he was in the past. His tale is a tragic one, as while he sincerely commits to repenting, it’s not good enough and thus he cannot escape fatal poetic justice.

And then there's one side character that just really gets my goat: Elizabeth aka the Lizard, a cute young thief who has a crush on Will. She appears in the 4th episode and doesn't really do much of anything, then disappears for a while. I thought maybe she was going to end up paired with that "Mr. Darcy" suitor of Alice's from her world and it was going to be a big Pride and Prejudice reference...but instead, she reappears in the 9th episode, becomes the now genified Will's master, and makes a wish that accidentally kills her in order to give Will man-pain. And then she isn't really spoken of again afterward. What was even the point of her!? You could cut all of her scenes and actions from this story and miss absolutely nothing!

Atmosphere - I would describe this show's atmosphere as light and dark, back to back. When it's light, it is much lighter than Once Upon a Time, being very whimsical and romantic and fluffy and hopeful to an even higher degree than its parent show at its best. However, this kind of lightness helps to make the dark elements come off as that much darker as a result. And while there's certainly some dark stuff where Alice in concerned, from an intended lobotomy in the premiere episode to the intense clashing she has with her father, and in the troubled pasts of Will and Anastasia, nothing comes close to the darkness of everything Jafar-related. It's a guarantee that he will do something horrible to someone at least once per episode, although it's usually more than once. The nature of his backstory as a bastard child whose father attempts to drown him plus the intensity of his depraved power-lust also make him a particularly dark character, as is his eventual partner, the terrifying Jabberwocky. Personally, I have always appreciated stories that can balance light and dark in this way and am able to handle both of them, so this show's atmosphere is very appealing to me.

Episode Quality - All I can say here is that there is only one dud in this series, and it's not hard to spot which episode it is. Like I said, while the beginning and middle portions of the show are 4 episodes each, the end is 5 episodes...and the first of those 5, "Nothing to Fear", is incredibly awkward and poorly executed. On top of being where the aforementioned death of the Lizard occurs, the plotline with Alice, Cyrus and Anastasia is also botched. Alice clinginess to Cyrus out of worry that he might become separated from her again and she wants to savor the time she has with him now doesn't really work in the context of needing to find where the freshly genified Will went ASAP, and it makes Alice look bad - Will went through "Bloody Hell" to help her reunite with Cyrus, and now that she's been reunited with him at the direct expense of Will, she doesn't give a fuck? She feels no urgent desire to pay her friend back and be as dedicated to helping him as he was to helping her? Also, the way she verbalizes her issues sounds too ripped off of Emma Swan from the similarly clumsy episode "The New Neverland", and what works for Emma doesn't really work for Alice.

Alice's distrust of Anastasia and dislike of working with her is also badly written, in literally every other episode the tense dynamic between these two has been handled with more care and nuance, but here Alice just comes off as a bratty child. Again, Will is missing and you need to find him quickly, so being able to put aside your differences with Anastasia maturely would go a long way in helping make that happen, Alice! Also, there's a sequence with angry peasants tying Anastasia, Alice and Cyrus to stakes to be eaten by nocturnal wolf-like creatures, and it's so thoroughly mishandled to the point of coming across as comical (Anastasia really can't fight back or escape her binding despite the skills we've seen her have before? Cyrus really thought an eloquent speech was going to instantly convince the peasants to do what he wants of them? The peasants act like they're righteous people who are getting justice against their oppressor and yet then tie two completely innocent people up for daring to go against the grain on the matter? And oh my God, those wolves look awful!)

The only good parts of the episode are the very last scene between Alice, Cyrus, Anastasia and (finally!) Will, plus all of the scenes with Jafar which lead up to the Jabberwocky's debut. Otherwise, this was a transitional episode that needed a lot of fine-tuning from its makers.

Overall - Once Upon a Time in Wonderland is now on Disney+, so if you have that streaming service and haven't watched it, please do so. It's a very well-made limited series that features a great story and great characters played by great actors, and is a definite part of OUAT in its prime. And again, when both completed shows are compared, this one wins hands-down.

[supremeprince-bensolo]

Ben and Kylo Ren are one in the same. Just the same way Anakin and Vader were. They are two halves of a person. It is no wonder they could never find their balance in life when they kept ignoring who they were and the things involved in it. Gosh, I wish Star Wars had Space Therapy. Maybe then Ben wouldn't have been a mass-murdering F*ckhead.

Exactly. Kylo and Vader are the darkest parts of themselves. But it’s still them. Them being two halves is clearly spelled out (and shown visually with their masks) and should be easy to understand.

Kylo is the most broken, angry and violent part of Ben. He tried to completely give himself over the dark side and destroy the rest of himself which is why he was so conflicted. Accepting him means accepting not just the dark or the light, but EVERY part of who he is. Choosing to be Ben again and not be controlled by his dark impulses anymore was a huge step. But he can’t escape from the things he did as Kylo. It’s a part of who he is and always will be. And he should not be excused from his past actions, but he should have been given the chance to live and LEARN from them.

And Vader, even though he’d given himself to the dark side, he still could not escape the man he was as Anakin. He had done so many horrific things, yet Luke never stopped believing that there was still good in him. He encouraged him to let go of his hatred and embrace all parts of himself.

Sadly, both of them were never able to completely find that balance within themselves. If only they had access to therapy! Or even just someone who knew how to help them. But both of them never had anyone who knew the depths of their trauma and had the tools to help.

In one of the Rise of Kylo Ren comics it says that Kylo is a name Ben came up with when he was a child. He made up a new identity to help him cope. Like, he hated himself so much and felt unwanted and wished more than anything to become someone else. If only he’d had someone to help him work through things and help him accept himself. And his parents sending him away when he was ten years old. He was at a very vulnerable and crucial age when he was separated from his parents. For a kid who was already dealing with so much, no wonder he struggled.

Anakin was clearly dealing with trauma after being separated from his mother, and then going straight into training to become a Jedi with their strict rules. He was in a very fragile state when Palpatine swooped in and took advantage of him. They both never had the support they needed.

With Anakin, because it was already known that he became Vader, it was expected something tragic must have happened to push him down that path.

But with Ben, it didn’t have to end in tragedy. It would have been so powerful to see him get the help he needed. To see him heal from his past wounds and accept himself fully as he is. To see a thirty year old man turn things around and not be defined by his past. To show it’s NEVER too late. No matter how old you are. No matter how big or little your issues are. It doesn’t matter. It’s never too late to ask for help.

Rey could have helped him heal. They could have helped each other.

But unfortunately we didn’t get to see that.

[coteriesrp]

– ADDY HAS BEEN ACCEPTED WITH DIVYA (AS NEELAM GILL)! CONGRATULATIONS!

You really went above and beyond on the character extras, holy shit. The app stands incredibly well on its own, providing a crystal clear image of your take on the character, your beautiful writing style, and nailing the vibe I had in mind absolutely perfectly; and then the extra work you did on establishing a background for her that really grounds her in the world provides such a tasty icing on top. Really looking forward to how much she and Dizzy are gonna get on each others’ nerves.

         — KIT

I love your writing, first off. It's the first thing I noticed, reading your application.  I was immediately taken by your portrayal of Divya, hard and ambitious and as Ventrue as Ventrue can be, pre- and post-Embrace. But the bit that really, really caught me was: "She still remembers the warmth of his blood staining her palms and fingers, and the way he tasted so foul. One thing became clear – her curated palate had no taste for the greedy." Do I really need to say ANYTHING beyond that? I'll just let your writing there stand on its own.

        — GHOST

You’ll be sent a link to our Discord shortly and have 24 hours to accept the invite or your role will be reopened.

out of character info.

ALIAS › addy

PRONOUNS › she/her

AGE › 23

TIMEZONE › gmt -6

in character info.

CHARACTER › divya patil

GENDER & PRONOUNS › cis woman ; she/her

APPARENT AGE › twenty-five years old

DISCIPLINE › auspex

DEMEANOUR ›

The unbridled thirst for power that courses through her veins is an unparalleled hunger; it permeates the very core of her being, multiplying into each cell, each nucleus, until the buzzing desire to control anything within her grasp consumes her in its ravenous flames. Her obsession with the concept of perfection has yielded a woman who abhors error in any form; those who have been cursed with the misfortune of her extended company are forced to reckon with her nit-picking, for Divya would never tolerate anything less than first-rate results. She’s quick to criticize, quick to undermine anyone who dares to stand before her. A cold, glacial exterior keeps her vulnerabilities locked tightly within. A part of Divya is foolish enough to believe that forcibly tearing her demons into small, bite-sized pieces and pushing them into the deepest, darkest crevices of her untouched mind may take away her weaknesses altogether. She speaks with hardened resolve, clinical and business-like at certain times & haughty and enraged at others. Her easily-ignited temper is the product of years of trauma, abuse, and mental degradation. Divya is and always will be the embodiment of power – from the way she holds her head high to the corruption she breeds in her heart.

JOINING THE COTERIE ›

Divya’s very existence has always hinged on the ability to step on others to lift herself up from her own ashes; as the daughter of one of New York’s most powerful influences perched upon the throne of Wall Street, she learned quickly that any and every man around her would come for blood if it mean subjugating her into nothing. Her aching desire to prove herself fostered the urge to join ranks with the most powerful forces around her. She often gravitated towards royal-esque entities, hoping to glean even the slightest bit of their golden-hued aura for herself – so to be offered the prestigious opportunity to join the ranks of generational power un her unlife felt almost like a reward for her trauma. To be bestowed with this chance – this gift… it felt right. Like this had been her destiny all along. She joined with arms outstretched, unbeating heart twisting at the ability to finally embrace a coterie that fitted her ideals of absolute perfection.

(UN)LIFE’S PHILOSOPHY ›

Her transition into the life of the Kindred allowed Divya to embrace the ravenous hunger that had always gnawed at the pit of her stomach; to be able to fully embody the petulant desire to tower high above others was a natural inclination that seized her almost immediately. Christened by the Clan Ventrue, Divya and her refined palate find a certain level of carnal pleasure in using the dimwitted Kine to her advantage. She had always been a bit exclusionary in her mortalhood – and now, as one of the undead, it feels only natural that she view vessels as nothing more than toys, devices, and forms of nutrition rather than as sentient, separate viewings. She views her new unlife as a transition for bigger and better things. The ability to pervade the senses, thoughts, and perceptions of the Kine bring her much joy, an adrenaline-induced power trip often following suit. Her philosophy surrounding her new state of being is what it had been when she had been a weaker, sniveling human fool – become greater than anything anything anyone has ever seen and then some.

THOUGHTS ON HUMANITY ›

Foolish, dimwitted sheep; Divya views nothing more disdainfully than she does her own time as one of the Kine. Humans had always been so painfully ignorant of their own capabilities, slaving away to graves of their own making – and now that Divya has been reborn as one of the Kindred, she sees them for what humanity truly is. A plague. Her archaic beliefs are abnormal for someone born in such modern society, but they linger nonetheless, dwelling in the hollows of her black heart until all she can see in humans is whether they are worthy of her finicky palate or would be better off left dead.

LIFE EVENTS ( tw: physical abuse. ) ›

manhattan, new york city, ny / 2013 – She was 23 years old; under her belt was a masters in business analytics from Columbia University. Divya had foolishly thought that such a fleeting accomplishment would earn her father’s good favor – but she learned quickly that not even exemplar grades and a prestigious institution would be enough to prove that she was worth her salt. She stood idly in the entryway to the large, sprawling penthouse her father called home, perfectly-manicured fingernails digging ever so slightly into the smooth surface of her iPhone. Dark hues watched with thinly-veiled anticipation as her father’s large figure paced intermittently in the wide living room. There was an air of impending doom sinking deep into her skin, burrowing into her bones and making a home in her marrow – but then again, it always seemed as if a deep sense of foreboding followed her wherever she went. All Divya had asked was whether her father had decided to appoint her to the position of CFO or not, as he had promised he would upon the completion of her degree. She had spoken calmly, measured tone far from minced, and had her head held high. Such an act, however, had been easily misconstrued as defiance. Heresy. She clenched her teeth together tightly as her father came to an abrupt halt. Her heart raced angrily in her chest, beating wildly against the confines of her ribcage, as she watched him turn then slowly make his way over to her. Divya didn’t dare speak; if she wanted her moment of glory, wanted her moment of appreciation, she would have to bide her time. When she looks into her father’s eyes, though, she sees nothing akin to pride. Instead, there was a look of disappointed rage. The fire lighting up her insides dimmed and before she could part her lips to ask what concerned him, his hand came sharply down against her cheek. Head snapped to the side and the dull throb of angry pain singing her face was nothing compared to the shame coiled deep in the pit of her stomach. She lowered her gaze, swallowing back the protest balancing at the tip of her tongue. “Never ask me again for something outside of your league,” her father warned, baritone growl low and menacing. “When you finally show promise worthy of anything more than a lowly intern position, then I will consider it. You think your Masters makes you any more qualified? Please.” His patronizing scoff crawled under her skin and twisted her insides. “If you want power, you’ll have to work harder than that.”

brooklyn, new york city, ny / 2016 – Two years of fighting tooth and nail for every promotion, every acknowledgment, every little success left Divya with jaded disgust regarding every little surrounding her; having every move she made analyzed so relentlessly by the tyrant who helped birth her proved to push Divya to maddening extremes. She had successfully taken on the role of CFO of her father’s company, ousting each and every person that dared to gaze upon her for a fraction too long – and her agonizing temperament left her with few friends and far too many enemies. She was unwavering, a beacon of pure mental fortitude – and soon enough, her name became associated with the harbinger of figurative death. Women like her were never meant to be dainty. She was as jagged as a blade, sharpened teeth ready to destroy anything that came too close… and such a tenacious attitude won the favor of her soon to be sire. A chameleon Kindred from the Ventrue Clan had discovered her blazing flame of potential like a diamond in the ruff, spotting her at a Fundraising Gala with the astute sharpness of a hawk. When he approached her, Divya immediately fell into the dangerous habit of sizing up her supposed prey – though little did she realize that the man before her was an apex predator to the nth degree. It was not a sordid love affair nor was it anything romantic in the slightest; the bond Divya developed with her future sire was one of mentor and mentee. She learned how to control her surroundings in a way that her father never could – and soon, she became filled with the thirst for more, to become so much stronger than she already was. The initiation into her unlife came both suddenly and slowly. The culmination of her sessions with her sire came in the form of a singular offer – would Divya like to become the strongest there ever was? It felt rhetorical; she had laughed at first before finally, she said – “Of course I do.” It was the clarity of her voice that won her sire’s confidence. She would make for a strong Kindred. The Embrace and her sire’s careful protection produced a fledgling with stone-faced potential. She learned the ways of her discipline carefully and diligently until she was able to take on her most coveted task – to take out the man that had turned her into the monster she was today. One year after her Embrace, her Sire made it clear that she was ready for her Becoming. But to prove herself one more time, Divya had to embody her most carnal desire. When she slipped into her father’s penthouse, the man was sleeping soundly in his bed. She stood idly at his bedside, head cocked and dark hues intent. When careful fingers slowly drew the blankets back, he stirred with a tired groan. It was the last sound he made before Divya let the Beast spill free, unbridled and fueled by rage. She still remembers the warmth of his blood staining her palms and fingers, and the way he tasted so foul. One thing became clear – her curated palate had no taste for the greedy.

EXPANDING CONNECTIONS ›

dizzy / Vapid, air-headed behavior incites the most ragged of violences from within Divya’s core; she had never taken kindly to those who take everything they have for granted and Dizzy’s painful bubbliness easily falls under this category. Perhaps, though, Divya’s obvious distaste for the girl stems from a place of vague jealousy. What is it like, to live so freely and free of shackled chains binding one’s ankles? Will she ever know, or will she always be a slave to her own work ethic? She has not a clue and perhaps that is exactly why Dizzy’s dizzying personality pulls at Divya’s desire to snap uncontrollably at the drop of a hat. Maybe one day – she can learn from the other. But only when the tension is finally relieved from her bones.

harel / Respect is not a sensation Divya gives out freely; to earn her respect is a game of whether you can bear the brunt of her heavy gaze or not – but somehow, Harel has managed to tear down the expectations Divya so often holds. Their quietude and ability to bear what feels heavier than humanly – or Kindred-ly – possible puts her in a state of silent awe. She dares not admit this, though, because that would be weakness. Instead, she studies them suspiciously in hopes of one day besting them. It does not sit well with her to feel so small and meager compared to another and so, she persists. Uncomfortable, begrudging respect has left her with no words to say.

angel / Rapt attention has always so childish – but it’s a sensation that cannot be helped when her eyes fall upon Angel. Their strange ways interest her and she can’t help but feel as if they are the only being in this coterie that understands her in a way beyond superficial. She chides herself often on the fact that perhaps her fascination is childish – like a schoolgirl crush – but it does little to quell the fact that the lingering desire to treat Angel not only with respect, but as an equal, continues.

miscellaneous info.

EXTRAS ›

› pinterest

› spotify

› blog

LAST WORD ›

hewo! i hope you guys enjoy reading this application! only thing i wanted to ask if you guys are open to any alternate fcs? an idea i had is neelam gill! it’s totally oaky though if you’d prefer keeping the current fc over an alternate! just thought i’d ask! thank you guys!

[onwardintolight]

Han x Leia, ESB, Trip to Bespin, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Summary: ESB from Leia's POV. A journey from despair to hope, a blossoming, an opening to vulnerability and love.

Warnings: Deals with some heavy themes, incl. working through trauma, depression, self-harm, attempted sexual assault. Each chapter will be individually warned.

Note: I’m currently in the process of reposting the first nine chapters here in full, since when I first wrote this fic, I only shared links to the chapters on AO3 and FFN. I will try to post at least weekly. In the meantime, if you’d prefer to binge-read it, the entire fic is posted in full on AO3 and FFN.

Part: Masterlist | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | Epilogue

Soundtrack

~~~

Warnings for Chapter 10: none

~~~

In dreams, she remembered all over again. Cruel needles probing and cold liquid rushing through her veins, sickening, turning every sense to ice and fire. Her back against a wall, cornered by the interrogation droid and the towering, half-human monster; the horrible rasp of his breath and the explosion of pain as he clawed at her mind. And later: the scent of ozone and the hard, mechanical grip on her shoulder as she stood there, drugged and shivering in her thin, white senatorial gown. Watching the sickly green bolt of light trace its inevitable path; desperate to be able to reach out and stop it, to take it into herself, for her to be the one to burn instead. Her home igniting into an inferno, its brightness scorching her corneas, the tidal wave of agony coming off of it scouring away what was left of her softness and hope.

A hand, warm and gentle, on her shoulder, and her name, as if from far away.

“Leia.”

The voice came out of the distance, from somewhere beyond the roar of the flames, breaking through her screams of agony.

“Leia, it’s all right. It’s Han. I’m here, sweetheart. You’re safe.”

She opened her eyes, and the searing, blinding light died, replaced by the dim cabin and Han’s anxious face, coming into focus as it hovered above her. Seeing that she was awake, he stopped shaking her, his hand reaching up to cup her forehead and brush a strand of damp hair out of her face. “It’s all right, sweetheart,” he repeated. Leia felt her screams turn to sobs, and she half-turned her head into her pillow, trying to stem the flood. The mattress on the bunk shifted as Han climbed in, nestling in close behind her. “It’s okay, Leia. I’m here.”

She tried to stifle her cries, but she kept breaking anyway. It was all too much. It was enough to have lived through it once—why did it have to pierce her over and over again in her dreams, making her experience it like new every time? No matter what she did, she could never escape. And she could never stop the advance of that sickly green light from the Death Star, nor divert its course. A part of her still hadn’t learned that, though. The part of her that still hoped was crushed every time.

Her sobs spilled out, muffled by her pillow. Somewhere, from beyond the raging grief, she felt herself scoff at this display, at this particularly flagrant lapse of composure. She didn’t want Han to see her this way, not again. And yet somehow it felt good to have Han behind her, holding her, stroking her hair, his warm breath on her neck as he whispered comfort. On an impulse, she turned to face him, burying her head in his chest as he pulled her close.

“It’s okay, Leia,” he murmured, cradling her head. “You can cry all you need to.”

As if the words were a permission she didn’t know she needed, she felt herself weeping even harder. But there was a trickle of relief let loose with it now, too. She felt less confined, less backed into a corner, even as Han’s arms engulfed her—and less sick from the effort of keeping it that way.

Slowly the inconsolable anguish subsided, along with the choking sobs.

In their place was a deadness.

All the nightmares she’d ever had mingled with reality in times like this. She knew she had not been tortured today, yet her veins still ached from where she had been pricked three years before. Alderaan’s blast had not happened today, yet the agony of her people still echoed loud in her bones. She hadn’t died with her planet, nor had they been incinerated by a star in their earlier, surreal escapade to save Threepio, yet she already felt gone—a ghost, maybe. Unsubstantial, unreal. Ash that might crumble in a slight wind.

Would she be stuck in this limbo indefinitely, suspended in these horrors? Could she ever escape and become, be real enough to overcome? Or was she already dead, already faded away?

Han’s heart beat against her temple, his warmth radiated into her from all sides, his embrace both tender and firm. He… he was real. She breathed in pace with him, measuring the rise and fall of his chest.

He was real.

And if he was holding her like this, then maybe she was too.

Her tears had soaked the skin on his chest, making it uncomfortably slick, but even as her eyes dried and her breaths grew less and less ragged, she clung to him, unwilling to relinquish his reassuring solidness.

“Stay here, Han,” she whispered. “Please.”

“Ssshh, sweetheart,” he murmured. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Their breaths grew long, and his fingers slowed on her back.

--------------

Leia awoke gradually, surrounded by a sense of warmth and security and peace. As her eyes fluttered open and she slowly became more aware, she remembered why. Nestled behind her was the long, firm form of Han Solo. His legs were folded behind her own, and an arm cradled her waist. She sleepily wondered at her lack of alarm. Once, she would have started awake in shock and sought to put as much distance between them as possible—in fact, that’s exactly what had happened on a past mission or two (accidents, she’d told herself at the time). Now, a sense of peace endured. There was nothing to worry about. This… this felt so right, so safe, having him here in bed with her.

In bed with her. She felt a thrill at the idea of those words, that reality.

Okay, so maybe she was a little excited. We haven’t got time for anything else, Han’s words echoed from earlier that week, and she grinned at the memory of what had thrown her so thoroughly off her guard at the time.

And why shouldn’t she feel this way? She was done denying the force of her attraction to Han—and this was more than just attraction. The strength of what had grown between them over the past few years was something she’d never felt before, not even in her younger days with Kier. She would no longer pretend that every blasted thing he did didn’t make her crazy. She would no longer deny that if she had her way, they’d spend the rest of their lives, however short, together. She would no longer deny that many mornings over the past three years, she’d awakened as she’d done now and imagined him lying there beside her, imagined this feeling, imagined him….

She closed her eyes again, trying to memorize the sensation of Han pressed up against her, committing it to memory. This, she told herself. Keep this. Keep this forever.

Maybe, once he woke… maybe he would pull her even closer, and she’d turn to him, and he’d kiss her the way he had kissed her in the circuitry bay, and he’d not stop there, but…

She blinked, slamming the door down on the thought.

No.

She may not be denying what was between them anymore, but that didn’t mean she was ready to jump all the way in. He was still planning on leaving, wasn’t he?

As quietly as she could, she slipped out of his arms and out of the bunk.

--------------

Leia waited calmly at the dejarik table as the caf dispenser gurgled, the scent, at once soothing and invigorating, filling the air. She felt significantly more awake, and, she hoped, significantly more in control of her desires.

Still, she had to fight not to think too much about how utterly nice it had been, waking up with Han like that.

As she considered the night’s events that had led them there, she felt rather more sober. She played absentmindedly with her hands, glaring at them in annoyance as if they were somehow the source from which her nightmares had sprung. Yesterday’s near disaster must have triggered the remembrance of a worse one, she supposed. Why wasn’t her mind content to just not think about it? The Force knew she tried so hard not to during the day. Even after three years, it was still too much.

I guess there’s your answer, she told herself. You still can’t deal with it; you probably never will. Not fully.

The caf dispenser beeped, and she got up to fill her mug.

Still… she thought, it’s different, now, with Han. Maybe the nightmares would never really go away, but something, at least, had changed. She no longer felt like she had to face them alone. Han had shown her he’d be there, even if she woke him up in the middle of the night screaming. Moreover, it seemed that he continued to truly see her and not be daunted, and that was both humbling and freeing.

Can I do the same for him? she wondered as she sat back down, sipping her caf.

She wanted to. Han, as much or even more so than her, had always been resistant to anyone getting too close, seeing too much. She’d long suspected he hid a lot of hurt underneath that barricade, some of which she knew about after their years working together, but some of which yet remained an enigma.

She knew that he’d grown up a so-called “scrumrat” on the streets of Corellia, begging and thieving to survive. She knew there was a criminal overlord of sorts, someone who exercised control over him—which, she figured, explained his aversion to being “under” anyone now. And strangely enough, she knew—via General Draven, who’d naturally done some investigating, and through a few brief conversations with Han himself—that he had once been in the Imperial Navy and Infantry. She still couldn’t quite wrap her mind around that. Picturing him in uniform felt absurd.

She’d been loath to ask him more about any of those facts, assuming that they were memories he’d prefer to leave far in the past. There seemed to be a lot of those, with Han. She wondered what pain he was hiding.

She took another long, slow sip of her caf, considering.

Han kept up his own barriers, that was for sure. The two of them weren’t all that different in that way. But he had been taking an axe to hers as of late, and it felt… good.

Maybe there was an upside to being trapped on board the Falcon for this long. Maybe she could finally begin to crumble Han’s walls, too.

--------------

Leia’s understanding of Shyriiwook was rapidly improving. It was remarkable, but not altogether surprising, how much easier it was to learn from a native speaker and friend as opposed to a stuffy Alderaanian tutor droid. It had only been a little over a week, but she and Chewie were already having full-fledged conversations, pausing every so often to ask Threepio or Han for help translating. It was a delightful diversion from the long hours of their slow crawl to Bespin, and Leia treasured the new level of friendship that had sprung up between the two of them.

Today, they were sitting at the dejarik table. Chewie was sprawled out comfortably with his hands tucked behind his head, and Leia had nestled against the cushions with her legs curled up cozily beneath the spare blanket. They had just finished going over the subjunctive, which was conveyed by an extra little modulating gargle in the middle of the verb. They were now taking turns throwing out phrase after subjunctive-containing phrase, each translating the other’s into their own language.

«It is necessary that Han clean the ‘fresher next,» announced Chewie gleefully.

Leia repeated it dutifully in Basic before responding. “It is necessary that you clean the hair out of the shower filter.”

«If that is so, let us hope that your hair contribution is small.»

Leia chuckled. “I highly doubt there’s as much as yours! Either way, I pity Han if the task falls on him.”

«Speaking of Cub, I hope his smell improves.»

Leia swatted at him good-naturedly. “Han smells just fine!” she exclaimed, breaking the chain of subjunctives. To tell the truth, she found his scent appealing—regardless of whether he used some of that ancient Chandrilan cologne, which he only pulled out on special occasions (or when some unhappy mission’s reek demanded it).

«He does to you! You’re a human female!» Chewie said, rolling his eyes.

She laughed. “I’ll give you that one.”

He stopped for a moment, regarding her, then he reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. «It makes me happy that you’re laughing, Little Princess. I hope things continue to get better for you.»

Unexpectedly touched, Leia found herself focusing on the seat between them, unsure of how to respond. “Thanks, Chewie,” she finally said, glancing back up and giving him a small smile.

Looking into her eyes, he nodded, patted her one more time on the shoulder, and then leaned back, continuing the subjunctive train. «We hope to arrive on Bespin next week.»

“I hope there are no more escape pod incidents beforehand.”

«Very true, Little Princess. It is necessary that we fly smooth and fast, with no more runaway droids.”

Leia paused. “I hope Luke made it back to the fleet all right.”

«I doubt that cub would falter.»

“I wish we knew for sure.”

«I bet he wishes he knew about us, too.»

Leia sighed, nodding. “He can probably sense us through the Force, though. He’s practically a Jedi. Hopefully if he’s there he can tell everyone we’re all right.” It was a reassuring thought. Maybe he’d get word back to Mon, to Rieekan, to all those who would be worrying about her. Come to think of it, she was fairly certain Luke was all right, too, though she didn’t voice it. It was only a feeling, and therefore unreliable.

She considered for a moment and began again. “It is necessary that the Alliance wins and brings peace and justice to the galaxy.”

Chewie nodded solemnly, leaning forward. «It is necessary that all beings are set free.»

Leia felt something twinge in her heart. “I hope we can see your people freed someday, Chewie.”

He reached over and tousled her hair. «If we free my people, I suggest that you come visit Kashyyyk. You will have a grand welcome.»

“I would love to come to Kashyyyk and meet your family.” She had heard about his family from Han—apparently he had a wife and son who were still, as far as they knew, enslaved by the Empire—but now that she could finally understand the Wookiee himself, she was eager to hear about them from his own lips. The lesson seemed to be over anyway. “Tell me about them, Chewie. What are they like? If you feel like talking about it…?”

Chewie let out an affirming growl. «I am happy to talk about my family. It is hard being far from them, knowing they are suffering. Sometimes I think we will never be together and free, and the loss is so—» (here he spoke some word Leia didn’t recognize.) «But I speak their names and remember them. I do not forget. I will remember them and return.»

He bowed his head briefly, then continued. «Mallatobuck is my wife. She is as bright and warm as sunlight, and very smart. I miss her clever teasing. She has sass like you, Little Princess. And she is very beautiful. Her eyes are as deep as the bottom of the forest, and her fur is eaghraaghla—ah, you do not understand that word. It means smooth and soft and full. Her scent is like the rryylghra fruit. Her intelligence and beauty are well-known in my tribe.» He paused, lost in thought, eyes far off, as if picturing the exquisiteness of that silky mane.

«My son is Lumpawaroo.» He faltered for a moment, shoulders slumping, then went on. «He was taken from me when he was still very young, so I do not know him as I should. I will always remember his scent, though, and I will know it should we meet again.»

He was quiet again for a little while, his head bowed, his great furry arms resting heavily on the table. Leia reached out a hand and laid it gently on one of them.

«There are others I love and miss,» he continued. «My father, Attichitcuk. I don’t know if he is alive or dead. My mother is dead. I miss my tribe, my village. They have all been scattered, put in Imperial slave camps. Fallen leaves cannot be put back on the branches. A wroshyr tree will not hold all of us together again.» He glanced at Leia. «You understand this loss, Little Princess, more than anyone.»

Leia nodded, unable to speak. The grief woven through his words hung heavy on her heart. “I’m so sorry,” she finally whispered.

He turned to her. «Will you tell me about Alderaan? Your tribe?» His eyes shone gentle; entreating, not demanding. She knew he would not take offense if she said no.

She swallowed. Then, to her surprise, she found that words were flowing freely out of her mouth. She described her mother, regal yet so human, gentle yet so fierce, with a wisdom and astuteness that not only served Alderaan well but helped Leia find her way through life, too. Her father, with his patient persistence and quiet rebellion in the face of the Empire; with his delight in books and in dancing and in her, and the way he’d taught her how to delight in things, too, both big and small. (She wondered if she’d ever really regain that ability, or if it had been lost along with him.)

She talked about her aunts, and the happy memories of their visits—well, mostly happy; she loved them dearly, but she still bristled at their attempts to tame her into something she wasn’t. She described her favorites among the household servants and the members of the guard, and she told him about her personal attendant droid, TooVee, who had done so much to care for her despite being even more pompous than Threepio. She missed them all. Her voice broke.

She stopped speaking, and they sat together in silence.

It was not a lonely silence, though. It was, Leia thought, as if there were invisible cords connecting them, a bridge fashioned out of grief and understanding. The ache inside felt as impossibly large as ever, but… perhaps ever-so-slightly less heavy, as it hung there in the space between them.

Chewie put his paw over her hand and spoke, gazing at her intently. «You, Cub, young Jedi, me—we are like wroshyr trees with melded limbs. We are joined, we have each other; we are a tribe now. We face no loss alone.»

Tears came to her eyes, and she smiled at him, nodding.

--------------

“Say, Han, Chewie,” Leia asked at lunch, between bites of reconstituted Iridonian trophlet. “I’ve been meaning to ask you two, what’s in those shipping crates in the forward hold? They permanently welded to the floor or something?”

“Hmh?” said Han, his face full. He swallowed. “Oh, those. ’S mostly Chewie’s stuff. He gets attached to things and keeps ‘em around. Dunno why.”

Damn it, thought Leia. So much for her bet that those crates she liked to take refuge behind held the keys to Han’s past.

Chewie gave his version of a chuckle, with a little shake of his mane towards Han. «I keep things that are meaningful to me. Cub understands. He just pretends he doesn’t so he looks cool.»

Leia chuckled as Han sent Chewie a withering glare. “Shut it, furball,” he replied, lofting a pointer finger at the Wookiee. He turned to Leia. “Eh, I understand, I guess, but I ain’t that interested in keeping stuff like that around for myself. The way I look at it, things only mean something if they’re connected to people. And people come and go. Most of ‘em ‘ll end up betraying you.” He shrugged. “No use trying to hold onto something that’s a reminder of what’s gone wrong.”

“So you expect me to believe you haven’t kept anything nostalgic?” Leia asked wryly. “What about that golden pair of dice hanging in the cockpit?”

Han waved a hand in dismissal. “That’s different. It’s my good luck charm. Had it since I was a kid. It’s been with me through everything.”

Chewie rolled his eyes. «And that has no meaning?» He leaned toward Leia conspiratorially. «Cub has some things in the crates, too.»

Leia raised her eyebrows at Han.

The smuggler set down his spoon and lifted his hands in mock defeat. “If you must know, I’ve kept some old uniforms, just in case. A few disguises are always good to have around, especially when you don’t have a Rebellion to provide you with ‘em. But they ain’t there because of some half-assed notion of ‘meaning,’ I’ll tell you that.”

Leia gave Han a look, then turned back to Chewie, frustrated. If Han was going to be obstinate, she could at least learn more about the Wookiee. “So what do you have back there, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Chewbacca shrugged. «Little things, mostly. On my world, if there’s an experience we want to remember, we keep something to remember it by. Perhaps we find a smooth stone, or buy a fine carraughrr—»

“That’s some sort of Wookiee art mumbo-jumbo,” Han cut in.

«—then we put it in a safe place, so we can always look back at it and remember.»

Leia nodded. “That’s a really good tradition.”

“Gah.” Han waved his hand in dismissal again, then got up, his ration pack finished. “I’m gonna get to work on those sensors. Enjoy your nostalgia party.”

Leia and Chewie shared a look, and she sighed, shaking her head. She had obviously touched a nerve, but that had only served to make him even more reticent. Her mission had failed.

Perhaps a different tactic was needed.

[sometimesrosy]

Can you tell us, from a writer point of view, what’s Echo’s plot and what you think of it? What type of archetype is she? Where is she headed? How did her character in past seasons influence her character in s5 and how will it influence s6? Sorry if it’s too much, I’m just really curious because barely anyone analyses her character without being biased. If you take this “challenge”, I’ll thank you for it. If not, I understand and thank you anyways.

Okay. First, archetypes aren’t like, a definitive label to place on a character. Archetypes are traditional stories and characters, patterns and tropes and conventions that we are familiar with due to eons of these stories being told.

They help us build our concept of humanity, of ourselves, and of expectations, ideas of right and wrong, and help us make sense of the world around us. They are subconscious stories that *feel* right to us, so we can understand character or personal motivations.

As such, I can explore a character through many different archetypes and might have different understanding through each one. Some might fight more fully, some might be only a partial fit. A character might drop one archetype, and move onto another, like Bellamy starting out as “the rebel” and becoming “the caretaker.” He was DEFINITELY “the rebel.” And then he wasn’t. Or perhaps he still has some elements of “the rebel” in him. The more complex a character, the more realistic, the more we’ll be able to see multiple archetypes within them.

Okay, so I did a little google (with a short trip through some mens rights horror) and settled on our basic idea of archetype. Jungian. Generally with this show, while there are many literary elements going on, they are usually pretty simple ones, and you can find understanding on page 1 of your google search.

So for Echo, I’m going with:

The HeroMotto: Where there’s a will, there’s a wayCore desire: to prove one’s worth through courageous actsGoal: expert mastery in a way that improves the worldGreatest fear: weakness, vulnerability, being a “chicken”Strategy: to be as strong and competent as possibleWeakness: arrogance, always needing another battle to fightTalent: competence and courageThe Hero is also known as: The warrior, crusader, rescuer, superhero, the soldier, dragon slayer, the winner and the team player. [X]

She is The Hero before we meet her. I don’t mean the hero of the story, and i don’t meant The Hero’s Journey. I’m talking character type. Personality. 

So we meet her in the cages, where the enemy has beaten her and her story is basically over until she meets Bellamy who she blames, sorta, and hates, until she realizes teaming up is the way to survive and win. This actually reminds me of Clarke. She recognized him as “the hero” and leader, the “other” who could be allied with in order to win. Which she did. They work together to defeat Lovejoy, and Bellamy goes on his mission while Echo takes on HER mission, mobilizing the grounder troops.

However, her leader calls her to stand down, so she abandons her new comrade in arms and leaves him to fail, while following her leader, who has chosen to betray their allies. 

We know that this bothered her, because she told him it was wrong (as did Lincoln and Indra.) In season 3 she came back, and leaned on her relationship as comrade with Bellamy, apologized for her betrayal, and then, leads him away from the plot against Mount Weather. Thereby saving his life and fulfilling her debt to him for saving HER life, but also betraying him AGAIN. HOWEVER in doing so, she has followed her leader’s requests, again, in word, while also getting her goals accomplished. Saving Bellamy. Who she feels a connection with, as well as owing a debt to.

In season 4, she’s back again. This time, with power. The king depends upon her. She is a warrior again. She makes decisions for the best of her people. She continues with her enmity against the sky people, which has been the case since they landed. (witness her initial meeting with Bellamy.) BUT her interactions with Bellamy have taught her that the sky people have also contributed and are warriors in their own right. She still disregards the skypeople and thinks of them as enemies, but BELLAMY is not like other skypeople, and she would like him to trust her. :/ I am not a big fan of “not like other girls” thinking. Lxa did it too with Clarke.

That actually is important, because there are a lot of parallels between Echo and Bellamy’s relationship and Clarke and Lxa’s relationship. The opposite side enemies, who become allies and comrades and are betrayed, leading Clarke and Bellamy to basically lose it, who must come back to become comrades again in order to survive and then, fall in love. 

Lxa and CL was important to Clarke because it allowed her to embrace the dark side of herself, to make the hard choices, and face the terrible repercussions of those things. Lxa was her shadow and she needed to fall in love with her in order to move forward.

Echo and B/E is important to Bellamy because it allows him to forgive HIMSELF, to let go of his hate and resentment of the enemy who has caused him so much pain, so that he could accept “the other” as part of his family. As humanity. He needed this to move forward and lead with his head, while Clarke needed CL to embrace love and lead with her heart. 

I point these out because, while Echo is important and has her own story, her MAIN place in the story is to act as a foil for BELLAMY’S journey. Yes. She is there to serve his story. She is a secondary and sometimes tertiary character. because it’s HIS story. Why didn’t we get the story of B/E falling in love? Because it wasn’t about their love. It was about how their love changed Bellamy and allowed him to move forward in HIS story. He is a holistic leader now, he has forgiven himself and his enemy (sometimes the same thing) and now he can live without the trauma he has been holding and we see him as The Hero he is meant to be. For Bellamy, that is not actually his archetype, that is his role in the story. Not personality. Sorry, there are many forms of “the hero” in lit analysis. 

Echo’s story in s5 CHANGES. She moves from being a minor or tertiary character to being a secondary character.

NOW we get to see her in her Hero archetype. She is the fighter. The warrior. The team player. She goes on the missions. She saves the day. Right? 

Her story in season 5 and I suspect season 6, because it is not over. I feel like she went to sleep in the middle of it, is “The Hero” discovering that she does not need to be the warrior all the time and she has a place in her family without having to be fighting someone all the time. 

With the fight for Eden, she had a clear role. It was EVEN how she got Octavia to allow her to continue her relationship with her boyfriend. Her romance is not really the story. Being ALLOWED to be part of Bellamy’s life is. We don’t SEE their love. We see them fighting to be able to love. And to WIN that permission? What does she do? She fights against the enemies. She provides the leader with military advantages. She is The Warrior. 

It is hard to tell you what I think her story is this season without speculating, because I don’t believe her story is done.

I do not think her story will be about a romance, but I DO think it will be about belonging, about family, and about being the good guy– and what that means when she can’t just fight “the enemy” and let that be enough to make her worthy. It is part of the main story of the whole show, with different characters exploring what it means to be good. What IS good. Her issue is where does she belong, because she has always belonged AS The Warrior. If she can’t be The Warrior, then WHO IS SHE? 

I’m seeing some echo between Echo and Clarke now. The beginning of s1 had Clarke asking who was Wanheda if there was no one left to kill. And I think Echo will be having a similar question in season 6. When the warrior went to space and put down her sword and became a part of a family and found love, but then had to pick up the sword again and fight enemies again. So she had a place. The family, the love, the sword. 

I think her question will be “am I worthy if I don’t have the sword?” Partly because the question of love will be up in the air, with both Octavia and Clarke there now, and Bellamy loving Clarke. And to THEN be confronted by Clarke and Bellamy’s decision to “be the good guys” and Bellamy’s declaration that they weren’t going to kill their enemies. It leaves Echo without a place. This would essentially be a confrontation of her archetype. If she’s always playing the role of the hero and that is how she finds value, then having it taken from her and finding her own intrinsic value is a subversion of the Hero archetype.

I think she’ll find that being part of the family is ENOUGH. That being HERSELF is enough. And she might end up making some decisions that are the right thing to do, but not for her family. Hmm. I think she’s going to prove herself as the good guy also, but it may not be how her family wants. BUT that is speculation on what I see her story going towards, not an analysis of it yet. Because it hasn’t gotten to that part yet.

I believe that s5 and s6 are a two year long story arc for all the characters, so I’m looking at where we could go from where we are now.

. What do I feel about her story? If it goes the way I see it, I think it’s good and important and strong for a secondary character. I don’t like the romance because I ship Bellarke, but I also don’t see it as a threat, because I see it as a narrative tool to move Bellarke into the romantic. All the signs are there. It’s slower than the fandom wanted, and left us in the middle of it which makes them feel Bellarke isn’t happening, but it’s all still going along the conventions of the love triangle, so I’m good. 

I am leery of the ship wars, and I know the ship wars make me not want to pay as much attention to echo as i might otherwise if i didn’t know people would use the analysis to prop up a ship and shoot mine down, and take my analysis of what I see as a romantic obstacle to Bellarke as an attack on them. And while I appreciate echo, I can’t take part in echo appreciation because people use that to hate on Clarke, which I cannot abide. So the fandom limits how I may address characters and stories. Mainly because I don’t want the drama. 

I took the challenge. It was hard. ;)

[mrneighbourlove]

Filling the Emptiness: Ch 6. Big Changes

A year had come and gone, and the Sunny was taking her role as C.E.O of Lon Lon Milk in stride. She hired plenty of new workers to take care of the animals, as well as transport cargo, but even so, she loved to still work along her family and her employees, taking in the sun and traveling about the country. And Leere was right there with her. Her lover grew more content, and at ease as far as Sunny could tell. Her music career did well to help cover expenses, as Leere insisted that Sunny didn’t pay for everything using her company’s wealth. When Leere didn’t have a music gig, or was babysitting her niece Skyla, she spent every moment she could with Sunny.

The two of them met at the Milk Bar for their anniversary. For the evening and into the night they laughed about how each of their family lives were going over a glass of beer. Luna was pregnant with another child, and Leere laughed about how Skyla nearly blew up the lab as she was teaching her alchemy. Sunny mentioned she could give Skyla safer alchemy lessons if her parents felt ok with it.

After talking and drinks, the two of them hit the dance floor. The lights had a rapid fire of colour and the two of them danced to the beat like it was the end of the world. Every note of music filled them with fun and excitement, both competing against the other all in order to impress the other lover. As slower music played on the jukebox speakers, Leere got closer to Sunny, and both of them practiced dancing as if they were in a ballroom, but still throwing in some flare. They decided to buy themselves the milk special and buy the V.I.P room for the night. The room contained beautiful cushions, and if one wanted, they could adjust the volume of the music playing below them. The two shared tender kisses, simply enjoying each others embrace for the night.

Leere finished her glass of Chateau Romani and fell asleep next to Sunny, listening to the soft tune of a song called On Melancholy Hill as she drifted off. That night she had the best dream of her life.

The Princess was floating down around multi coloured clouds. There shapes were like paintings, the sky a beautiful shade of pink and orange. Touching one caused her to bounce around, and she then found herself flying over hill of sunflowers. Landing on a massive sunflower, all the peddles spun around like a wheel. The middle of the sunflower opened up and she slid down a rainbow bridge. At the bottom Sunny was waiting for her, and Leere fell into her arms. The golden haired Hylian spun her lover in circles. With a grin, Sunny jumped backwards, and the two of them exploded into blue and red bubbles. These coloured bubbles traveled through a coral reef, the current taking them through a wonderland. Exotic fish and marine life swam about. A giant Wind Fish winked at them, and swallowed them. Inside its mouth they fell into a happy spiral, before being shot upwards into the sky and out of the ocean. The bubbles turned into butterflies, fluttering through plains of earth’s most beautiful flowers, a sight that made Leere’s spirit cry in joy. Her family members sat, having a picnic, and every laugh they had was a cord of music to her ears. The butterflies flew through a vortex of colour, swirling them around, and they exploded into shooting stars, traveling through the universe. The majesty of space was their countryside to explore. The two of them materialized into human form, their bodies naked, but ethereal, made of stars. Leere took Sunny’s hand, and the two of them danced and danced amongst the cosmos.

Sunny’s voice whispered to Leere. “No matter when you feel down, know that I will be there to pick you up. I love you. And I’m with you until the end.”

They jumped about, and their stars exploded into supernovas. The burning light made their souls shine even further. With excitement, they stretched themselves out, holding each others hands. They spun around, like two planets circling the sun. Both fell from space and landed in the heavens, returning to pure human forms. Leere looked up to Sunny, and Sunny down to her. In a fusion of blue and red, their eyes each turned purple, and with a smile that would bring life to even the most bitter of souls, they kissed as they held each other fondly.

Leere woke up, glad Sunny was next to her. She was holding Sunny’s hand, and her lover gave it a squeeze, each finger perfectly interlocked. The Mortuus felt so perfectly vulnerable with Sunny. She felt human. “Sunny?”

“Yes Leere?”

Leere felt the words leave her so effortlessly. She thought this moment would never come in her life. “Will you marry me?”

Sunny took Leere’s other hand, and she gave a resolute nod of approval. “Yes. I will.”

Leere didn’t even care that she could feel tears well up. She pulled Sunny close for a long, unending kiss. The only reason they let go of each other was so they could breath once more. Sunny raised her eyebrows playfully towards Leere. “I don’t suppose I should buy you a ring now, hmm? I wonder what a renowned treasure hunter enjoys as her favourite jewelry?”

Leere growled playfully like a cat. “Ooooo no. I popped the question, I got to supply the goods.”

“Well Ms. Dragmire. You are very good at popping, aren’t you? Shame I’m not a maiden~”

“I’d ruin you plenty of times before our wedding night~”

“What you call ruin, I call liberate~”

Both women snickered, loving the wit of the other. It was part of the reason they felt so in love. Leere bit her lip, raising her eyebrows. “I could think of a few pieces of land that needed an archaeologists touch.”

“Oh? And whatever for?”

“I specialize in finding the most exotic of treasure~” Leere traced her hands over Sunny’s breasts, trailing them down her sides to massage her lovers’ thighs. She knew how much Sunny loved being touched on the thighs.

The Hylian woman pulled Leere close, grasping her by the back of the hair, and wrapping her tongue with hers. She knew Leere’s turn on was being roughly pulled in close for some action. “You are such a tease.”

“Do something about it than.”

“I reckon I will.”

For the next two hours they had left for the rental room, Sunny hog tied Leere to the bed, and slowly ate her lover out. Leere felt stars as she was brought into an exotic haze. Sunny encouraged her to return the favour as she sat on top of Leere’s face, putting on her hat and roleplaying a cowgirl. It was a bit of a kink for Leere if she was honest with herself.

It took a few orgasms, but eventually both women were content. Getting changed, they payed the barkeep a tip for the room, and they walked out together to get a bite to eat. After buying some kababs, Sunny thought about the marriage and what she wanted. She trusted Leere that she could be honest and upfront about everything. “So, about this marriage.”

“Yes?” Leere looked up, finishing up her lunch.  

“How shall we share names?”

“Hmm. That’s a good point. Sunny Dragmire Ingo? Leere Ingo Dragmire?”

“Perhaps… Leere?”

Leere noticed a shift in Sunny’s tone. She only got more reserved when she had heavy thoughts on her mind. “What is it?”

“I want to raise a child Leere.”

Leere felt a lump rise in her throat. Of course, this was a possibility that would have been brought up, but she wasn’t entirely how to deal with it. “And?”

“I want to raise a child.”

“Is this because of the business family line, or wanting to be a mother?”

It was really rare that Leere could be hurtful to Sunny, but she defiantly struck a cord. “To be a mother Leere. I don’t care about legacy for the company. Don’t you want to be a mother too?”

Leere’s expression grew hard. “I do… but I know that you want a child birth.”

“I think a child birth would be a wonderful thing to experience.” Sunny squeezed Leere’s hand, wanting her support. “I know that you were adopted, and that’s a wonderful thing, but I want to feel t hatmotherly connection that comes from direct birth.”

“And you think I don’t?” Leere bit her finger, a sign of stress for her. “I want that as much as you, but the idea that some man shared his DNA with us leaves me depressed. I don’t want a child that is green or orange. I want a true shade of purple between us.”

The symbolism nearly broke Sunny’s heart. Leere truly wanted to be united in more than one way as a family. “How’d we even go about that. We’re… both woman Leere.”

The two of them found a park bench to sit down on and think. Leere wrapped her knuckles, thinking of how to create life. The concept of a new soul was something she did not fully understand. She had the potential to rebirth life in souls that had passed onto the afterlife, but this was completely different. “We’d need a donor.”

“I agree. I read about doctors able to insert the material inside for you. But who?”

Leere’s mind raced, thinking about anyone that would even come close to her. It was than that the realization hit her. No one was better than her. Or, more accurately, no one could better than him. She took Sunny’s hand, carefully choosing her words. “I think…. I know a way that would benefit us both.”

Sunny rubbed Leere’s hand back, open to any suggestion. “Yes?”

“I’ve dabbled in various magics over my years. One of these magics was taught to be by my mother. Due to the trauma I received as a child, I was fearful around men for a period in my life. She thought, that by having the body of man, I could be more comfortable with it. An exposure therapy that was in my control.”

Sunny was confused. Magic was something that was always strange to her, so Leere talking about being a man alarmed her. “You can have the body of a man?”

“Yes. Sheikah transformation magic. I’ve never found a practical use for it. But perhaps, biologically…” Leere’s face flushed, thinking about ‘impregnating’ Sunny. “…I could give you a child.”

Sunny was clearly surprised, her mind boggled by the process of it all. “That’s… I… oh my.”

“I don’t know if it could work.”

Her lover placed a firm hand on Leere’s own, rubbing her skin softly to comfort her. “Only one way to find out, right?”

“Indeed.” Leere smiled, and leaned up to kiss her lover gently.

~ While searching for rings with her family, Galaxia and Tebanam took Leere to the side to offer her help while they shopped around all the shops. Galaxia was, however, unimpressed by the Princess’ proposal, or, the lack of fanfare in it. “You just asked her to marry you?”

“Yes Galaxia. I followed the beat of my heart and the moment.”

“You woke from a cosmic dream. Admirable, but you lacked any plan afterwards. You don’t even have rings.”

Tebanam shrugged, checking his rupees to see what he could help pitch in for. “I think it’s rather sweet. Your wedding is going to be fabulous sis.”

“Thank you Tebanam.”

“So, you’re thinking about having a baby with Sunny through that Sheikah technique?”

“Yes, I am.”

Tebanam snickered, thinking about the implications. “You just gonna donate the seed, or you going to stick it in her and do it the ol fashion way~”

“Donation.” Leere frowned furiously at Tebanam. She couldn’t even imagine ‘fucking’ with a male appendage.

“Well, you did have quite the package the last time I saw you in that form. Waste of an opportunity if I do say so myself.”

“Will you please stop talking about fucking my older sister?” Galaxia pinched the middle of her brow. “The baby making I’ll leave to you, but the rings are another matter. They need significance.”

“Do you have something in mind?”

“I do, in fact.”

Galaxia pulled out a ring box, and opening it up, Leere saw two rings. Galaxia set the box down to take the rings. “This is the golden sun ring. It’s radiant and full of life. This is the silver moon ring. It’s beautiful and full of mystery.”

Leere and Tebanam eyed the rings, their keen sense for trinkets intriguing them heavily. “Who did the craftsman ship on these?”

“These were crafted by a wise man in the Kingdom of Omisha according to my late mother. Consider these my gifts to you both. I don’t think I need to tell you who gets which ring.”

“It’s a great gift sis.” Tebanam reassured his sister. The rings looked polished and well crafted, so he held no worries on the quality.

Leere put the rings back in the box and gave Galaxia a bow of deep respect. “Thank you very much.”

Galaxia simply shrugged her shoulders, and cracked her elbows by rotating her arm around. “Well make sure nothing happens to them. Or I’ll make you see stars without the use of a telescope.”

Leere didn’t want a punch from the build of Galaxia. Woman worked out like an amazon due to all the work she did on the farm and additional training. Was hard to believe the woman’s passion lied in astronomy though. With a nervous chuckle, she gave another nod. “Well, I wouldn’t want to contribute to you injuring your hand or add foolishness to the world. Tebanam, can you find suitable dresses for me while I apply this ring to my woman’s finger?”

Tebanam grinned wildly. Poor Kanisa, she’d have loved doing this if she was here, but alas, the joy of dress shopping would be left to his hands. “You got it. Galaxia and I got this.”

Running to Sunny, Leere found her lover trying on necklaces. The blonde rancher smiled brightly towards Leere. “I don’t really wear jewelry, but what do you think?”

“I think it looks great, but I got something better~”

“Oh?”

Leere got one knee, and presented the rings. “Sunny Ingo. With proper presentation, flair, and symbols of union ship, will you marry me?”

Sunny was shocked. These were her mother’s rings. She hadn’t seen them since she was a child. When Leere presented the sun ring, Sunny had to choke back tears. Her lover went out of her way to make it special. “I do.”

Leere handed Sunny the moon ring, and the rancher placed it on the princess’ finger. In return, Leere placed the sun ring on Sunny’s. With happiness, Leere leaned up to kiss her fiancé.

~

At Doctor Bovier’s office, Leere was sitting down on an operation bed. “Eric. It’s not that crazy.”

“I’ve heard of many things and seen many sights in my lifetime Princess. But the idea of you wanting to transform into man to impregnate your wife is… strange. How do you even know it would work?”

“I don’t Doctor. But it’s something I’m willing to give a try.”

“Magic is something I don’t have a field of experience in. I will do my best to give your fiancé a baby though.”

Leere looked to the window outside, watching the silhouette of Sunny. She was currently reading planned parenthood books, seeing how the best way to take care of her body would be.

With a deep breath, Leere stood up straight off the bed. Focusing her energies, she internalized her magic within her body. Her mind was the key to unlocking the form she needed. Zelda’s teachings weren’t lost on her, even after nearly half a century. A blinding light surrounded Leere, and she felt her body change.

Doctor Bovier was awe struck. Leere’s biology had completely changed. “Princess Leere? Are you quite alright?”

“I’m fin- oh wow. That’s still weird.” Leere was taken aback by his deeper, more masculine voice. The necromancer stretched out his muscles in his legs. Their body was so alien to them like this. Checking their chin, they still had the facial hair from the last time they transformed into this body. Looking down their pants, they saw their appendage. Leere wondered if her breast size transferred to the thing resting heavy in her pants. “I, uh, think I’m good. Everything is fine. Couldn’t be better doctor. I’ve successfully transformed into a man’s man as it were.”

Sunny saw the blinding light, and worryingly set her book down to check in on Leere. “Sugar? Are you alright in-” The rancher stared in wonder at this man standing in front of her. She knew it was Leere though, by the colour of his eyes, the length of his hair, and the ring on his hand. “Leere?”

Leere didn’t know why, but she felt some embarrassment seeing Sunny, as if she was unproperly dressed. “Ah! Darling. Thy was just doing stretches. Muscles are tight. Feel like steel.” Leere did a mock flex, her nervousness keeping her talking. “So as you can see my love, I’m completely, and totally, fine.”

Sunny took in the full character in front of her, and she laughed aloud. “Leere, golly, did you hit your head? You can relax.”

Leere gulped, feeling like such a fool, and her heart raced as Sunny took her hands. “To be honest my love, I’m very uncomfortable in this form.”

“Well, we’ll get the donation and you can change back lickity split.” Leere’s hands were firmer, rougher, but they still held the same coolness they always did.

Doctor Bovier cleared his throat. “So, Prince…ss Leere, are you ready?”

Leere smiled, using joy to mask the complete and utter fear she felt at what would come next. “Ecstatic Doctor. Now do you stick a needle in me, or use some sort of archaic technique?”

Doctor Bovier shook his head and ripped Leere’s pants down, the Princess’ junk dangling down. “Princess Leere, I’m going to have to ask you to think of pleasant thoughts.”

Leere was incredibly confused. She knew how this was supposed to work, but her embarrassment made her temporarily forget. “Whatever do you mean good doctor?”

“Do you want me or you to do it. Just put the sperm sample on this piece of glass please.”

Leere laughed with terror, her wife glancing peaks at it. “Good doctor. This is still very new territory for me.”

Sunny held Leere’s arm, giving her bicep a pat. “Leere. Do you want help?”

“Help? But Sunny. You aren’t into men. I couldn’t ask that of you.”

“No. I’m not. But I love you. I’ll do anything for us.” She slapped on a glove, and Leere’s eyes bulged as her lover started to jack her appendage.

“Eek! Sunny! That’s-”

“Leere. Breathe. Just think of me. Look into my eyes. Think about how happy having a full family is going to make us with a child.” Sunny didn’t dare look down, feeling through the glove how big this thing was getting. Her wife was becoming beet red, with Leere feeling so incredibly hot. Leere felt a clench in their package swell, and it was like a blast of hot air rose up through their body to their head. As they ejaculated, they made a soft moan. Sunny was sure to aim towards the glass for sample collection.

“Please tell me you got that. Because I am NOT doing that again. That felt so weird.” Leere looked down to see their sticky mess. Shuddering, she took a wet cloth from Doctor Bovier and cleaned up. The good doctor looked to Sunny and nodded. “Good job. Give me ten minutes and we can begin your surgery.”

Sunny tore the glove off, and after collecting herself, gave a cheeky smile to Leere. “Well, you were awfully quick.”

“Tis not a fair comparison. New experience, and you have the hands of an angel. I’m sure I would be able to master it with time, like all things.”

“Do you want to?”

“Absolutely not.”

Doctor Bovier cleared his throat to politely silence the banter. “Princess, if you would pull up your pants. You’re distracting the nurses.”

Leere looked over to see two of Doctor Bovier’s assistants giggling at Leere. With an embarrassed grin, Leere did as she was asked. “Sunny, my dear. Will you be alright?”

“With you by my side, how could I ever be worried. You… you can change back, correct?”

“In a few hours, yes. My body is a swirling mess of atoms that need to calm down from the first transformation. If I were to do another one so soon, I might change into a walking pit of flesh, doomed to walk the earth with no fix in sight.” Leere gave a light hearted laugh, only receiving only blank stares from Doctor Bovier and Sunny.

“That’s not funny.”

“I wouldn’t even want to imagine fixing you.”

Leere patted their own hand, hating that their nervousness couldn’t be silenced. “Well, I suppose you will need concentration on your operation.”

“Yes Princess, you can return in an hour or so.”

Leere waved to her wife as she stepped out. Sunny waved back, giving a reassuring smile that everything would be fine.

Stepping outside the medical ward, Leere felt their stomach growl. A little food wouldn’t hurt, now would it? Walking through the palace, maids that didn’t recognize their princess, waved towards Leere. Gossip was forming behind her back about how handsome this man walking through the palace was.

As Leere opened the door to the kitchens, one of the young maids dared to score with the mystery man wrapped themselves around his arm. “Hello handsome. What you doing around here?”

“Oh!” Leere was startled, quickly burning red at this little maid purring against her arm. “Hello miss. I’m here to eat some buns from the pantry.”

“I got two buns for you if you’d like mister~”

Leere had to get right the hell out of there. With a light smile, they scooped the maid up in their arms. Before she could get excited, she tossed them on a pile of soft bags of lettuce and ran out. The Mortuus hid in the first door they came across as they heard the horny maid call out to them. Leere came across Ralnor in the middle of painting his wife. Cass was wearing exotic robes from a far eastern country. She wasn’t exactly naked, but she didn’t like some man she never met walking in on her like this. The couple stared angerly at Leere, getting up as she smiled and waved. “Ah, sorry brother. I didn’t realize you were painting a beauty. And if I might say, have you been working out Cass? Because your build is looking great.”

Ralnor was grabbing his knife when he paused, narrowing his eyes as he studied the man’s build, he posture, wording, and his characteristics. “Leere?”

“Hello.” Leere gave a peace sign with his right hand.

Cass thought she had seen everything. Getting up, she went to open a bottle of wine. “There’s always something new with this family…”

Ralnor felt Leere’s muscles, wondering if it was an illusion. “How? Why?”

“Well you see little brother, Sunny and I are getting married. And I wanted to give her a child. So, by using the magic mother taught me, I transformed myself into a man, so SURPRISE, I’m giving Sunny a baby and making you an Uncle to your eldest sibling. We didn’t have sex, before you ask, just used my sample, which was horrifying to produce.” Leere showed off the ring on their hand, and patted Ralnor on the back. “I understand why getting it up for you was such a terrible experience the first time.”

Ralnor knew it was Leere. Even though she came across more rambling now, she still didn’t know when to stop embarrassing him. “It wasn’t an issue. Congratulations though on the engagement. When do you want the wedding?”

“Well, I thought I’d come to favourite brother on this matter.”

“What, Tebanam is too busy?”

“What? No, no. I- I prefer you.”

Ralnor knew that was probably bullshit, but his ego allowed the victory. “Very well. What do you need and want?”

“I’m so glad you asked.” Leere put her arm around Ralnor, patting his chest. “Can you get Kanisa to arrive within a month for the wedding?”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, with my wife being pregnant, I want this wedding to go as soon as possible, so that we might fit in our dresses.”

“You, in a dress, with those muscles?”

“Don’t be daft Ralnor, this is just a temporary form. It has many downsides. Like being chased by woman who find you attractive solely to have a baby be put into you.”

Ralnor and Cass couldn’t help but snicker. “Well Leere, it appears you drive women wild no matter what.”

“Just for the next hour or so. So, can it be done?”

“Yes. It’s in my power.”

“Good. Because I want everyone I know to be able to fit the gardens. We’re having the wedding in the open, with live music and dancing. I hope you know some wickedly talented photographers. I’ll provide the entertainment.”

“I’m sure it won’t be life threatening or full of mischief.”

“Mischief? What do I look like, the Imp? Speaking of which, I want extra security from you to make sure that nothing goes wrong.”

“I can do that.”

Leere patted her brother’s back, giving him a smile. “Thank you, brother. I suppose I should let you get back to your lovely lady.”

“That would be most appreciated, yes.”

Leere shot Ralnor and Cass two finger guns before leaving. For the next hour Leere quickly told members of her family to prepare for a wedding. Ganondorf was through the roof, quickly running around and giving staff orders. Zelda thought Leere was very brave to take on this form try to create a brighter future. Dodging fan girls, Leere returned to the medical ward, with Sunny waiting for her as she adjusted her hat. “Took you long enough dear.”

“Well, sorry my darling. I’ve been hounded down by what I can only assume are your rivals for my hand in marriage.”

“Rivals huh? Golly, I think they might be seeking more than just your hand.”

Doctor Bovier was checking his clip board. “Well Princess Leere, I wish to congratulate you two on your wedding, and I look forward to seeing you two in nine months.”

“Thank you, old friend. Oh, before I go, can you ask Sophie, wonderful women by the way, I’d be most excited for Tuxedo Chocolate for the wedding cake?”

“I’m sure she’d love to, with or without buttery comments.”

“Great!” Leere took Sunny’s hand, and smiled brightly. “Ready to go home?”

“I am. How much longer until you can transform back?”

“Well, not too long now, however, I had an idea.”

Sunny tilted her head, curious. “Yes?”

“How about I carry you home? Use the novelty of this form~”

Sunny thought it was incredibly sweet of Leere to offer such a service. “Alright big boy~ Giddy up.”

Leere scooped up Sunny bridal style and kicked open the door. As they walked out, a few of the fangirls audibly became disappointed. Leere didn’t care. She had the light of the sun in her arms. She couldn’t be more happy.

https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/184156776496/filling-the-emptiness-ch-5-coming-together Previous Ch.

https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/184677024451/filling-the-emptiness-ch-7-destiny-fulfilled Next Ch.

[marril96]

Support

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: Reader supports Rowena, no matter what.

Editor: @oswinthestrange

Read on AO3.

I had all happened in a blur. One moment Rowena was in Lucifer's face, twisting the knife the same way he had done to her. The next, he was squeezing her neck so hard you thought he would crush her throat between his fingers. You tried to intervene, but one flick of his free hand, and you were thrown back. As if you were as light as a feather, weightless, your body slammed into the opposite wall and fell down with a loud thump. Your head crashed into the floor and you let out a yelp.

Sharp pain pierced your skull, from the injured spot in your forehead down to the bone, and spreading through your head like wildfire. You wanted to scream, but the only sound leaving your mouth were light wheezes of your fastening breaths.

You looked up, and panic settled in your eyes at the sight of Rowena struggling to breathe in the devil's deadly grip. Her eyes met yours for a split second, and a small relief glinted in them at the confirmation that you were okay — as okay as you could be, given the predicament. Lucifer ranted on; you couldn't make out all the words he was saying, the ringing in your ears obstructing your hearing. But the threat in his tone was clear — he wanted to kill Rowena. Again.

Pouring all your strength into your arms, you raised yourself up. You scrambled to your feet and leaned against the wall for support. Your legs were wobbly, trembling, as if your bones had turned to jelly. You scoured your mind for a spell — any spell — that could get Lucifer off your girlfriend, which proved to be a challenge for your dizzy mind. Think! you urged yourself. There were spells that could help — there had to be! And if your mind wasn't in a haze and words weren't swirling around it in an incoherent hurricane, you would have already cast one. You would have protected your girl, something you'd promised to do every time a nightmare haunted her dreams or a random flashback snuck up on her during the day.

When the time came to make good on that promise, you could only stare and do nothing. Say nothing. Think nothing. Some girlfriend you were.

Luckily, Rowena was a much quicker thinker than you were. Despite the tight hold on her throat, she spat out a defensive spell. Lucifer instantly released her. He flew back, the same way you had only moments earlier.

And fell straight into the rift.

Rowena collapsed on the floor, her legs giving in, hungrily breathing in the air that had been denied to her. Then her eyes fell on the rift and widened as shock and panic downed on her face like a slap, the realization of what had just happened sinking in.

"Bollocks."

"Rowena!" you called, prompting her to avert her eyes to you. You rushed to her side, Lucifer and the rift forgotten. The only thing that mattered was her. Everything else could wait. "Are you okay?"

"Aye," she replied.

The look in her eyes told you she was anything but.

Had the literal personification of your worst nightmares tried to squeeze the life out of you, after he had already murdered you two times in the past, you wouldn't be okay, either.

You offered both hands to Rowena and she gratefully took them. As soon as she was on her feet, you pulled her to you, locking her in a tight embrace. You're safe, you thought. Tears gathered in your eyes, blurring your vision. A few rolled down your cheeks, flushing them redder, hotter, and dropped into her hair. You're safe. You're here. You're safe.

When Lucifer had first grabbed her, you thought that was it — you were going to lose her again. And she would come back more broken than she'd ever been, and this time you wouldn't be able to do anything to fix it. To fix her. Your hugs wouldn't be able to calm down her nightmares and flashbacks anymore. Your words wouldn't be able to break her out into the light from the depths of darkness she'd find herself in.

A whimper escaped you as images of her burnt body swirled around your mind like a tornado, swallowing all coherent thoughts you had left. Your hold on her tightened; you needed to sense her, feel her, needed to make yourself believe that she was real and unharmed.

"It's alright, darling," Rowena said softly. She returned the hug, her hands rubbing comforting circles up and down your back.

"I thought-I thought he…" I thought he'd kill you again. A sob cut you off before you could finish the sentence. Your stomach churned as the smell of burning flesh filled your nostrils. The smell of that day. The smell that would haunt you for the rest of your life.

You couldn't go through that again.

Rowena couldn't go through that again.

"He didn't," she said. "I'm fine." She stepped back from the hug and cupped your tear-drenched cheeks. Her expression was that of sympathy, features soft, delicate, loving. "Breathe, darling."

"He hurt you," you said, clasping your hands over hers.

"I'm fine," she repeated. Then her eyes settled on your forehead. "But you're not."

"It's nothing." It was just a minor injury. Compared to the trauma she'd endured, it was nothing.

"It's not nothing, Y/N. You're bleeding!" Rowena said in her mom tone, and had the situation been different, you would have chuckled. Everyone who thought her heartless should see her when she was caring. There was no one you trusted more with your vulnerabilities than her. "Come here."

She sat you down on the chair she'd occupied earlier. She fetched a wetted cloth and started dabbing at the injury, wiping away the blood that had already started to crust. She was careful, each press of the cloth against your skin gentle and soft. Warmth churned in your heart at every touch. It was hard to believe that this woman — this sweet, tender, caring woman — used to be a wicked witch who cared for nobody but herself. That she used to say that she did not, would not, and had not loved anything ever. That she had agreed with Amara that she'd had no capacity for kindness.

Even back then, you loved her exactly the way she was. Getting to know the real her, the loving woman behind the mask of heartlessness, had made you love her even more.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you," you said.

"That's not your job," Rowena said.

"I promised I would."

"And I know you would have if you could." Having cleaned your wound, she set the pink-tinted cloth aside and looked you in the eyes. "You were there for me. That's more than I could ever ask."

A small smile broke on your mouth. You reached for her hand and took it in your own, squeezing it the same way you had moments earlier when Lucifer's words brought her back to that hotel room of horrors. Brought her back to the brutality and trauma of her death. Your stomach turned with disgust and unease as he reminisced, his voice as rotten as his soul. Rowena's earlier warning to pay him no mind was the only thing stopping you from lunging at him like a rabid beast and tearing him apart limb by limb.

"I'll always be there," you promised, with every intention of keeping it.

Rowena returned your smile. "I know, darling. I'm one lucky witch."

"I could say the same thing." Your free hand brushed against her cheek, then slid lower, down to her neck. Your fingers traced the redness sprawled across her skin, remnants of Lucifer's cruelty. "Does it hurt?"

"A bit," Rowena said honestly. Your heart ached for her. She didn't deserve to be in pain. After everything he'd done, that monster had no right to put his hands on her. "The bloody bastard's strong. But don't worry, dear," she added, seeing the concern on your face. "It's not as bad as it looks."

She emphasized her words by pressing a kiss to your hand.

Experience had taught you that Rowena's wounds were always — without exception — as bad as they looked — if not worse. But instead of arguing her further, you nodded in acknowledgment of her words and tightened your grin on her hand. The poor woman had been traumatized enough for one day. You fussing over her neck would only bring everything back. As she often said when you would get in one of your overprotective modes, she wasn't made out of glass. A few days, and the bruises would fade as if they were never there.

"What now?" you asked, looking around the library, eyes skimming the room before settling back on her.

A look of uncertainty splashed over Rowena's face. She was silent for a moment, then, letting out a sigh, said, "We leave."

The answer left you dumbstruck. "What?"

"Sam and Dean are trapped in some sort of nightmare universe with the devil himself, all thanks to me."

"That's not your fault." It kind of was, but you could hardly blame her for being upset at Lucifer. The bastard had triggered her for no reason other than to hurt her. That would make anyone upset.

"It is," she insisted.

"Rowena…"

"This isn't how I wanted things to work out, but… There's no other choice."

She sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than you.

"You sure?" you asked.

"Aye."

An obvious lie.

"There's nothing you can do?"

Rowena took a deep breath. "I might be able to devise a way to keep the door back home open for them. Emphasis on might. There is no guarantee that it would work. And even if it did…" She looked at you with eyes full of unshed tears, as wounded as those of a puppy. "What would they say when they found out I set Lucifer free?"

"They'd be grateful," you told her. They fucking better be grateful. They left her with a person who had traumatized her for life. Did they think he was going to be quiet? Sam, of all people, should have known something like this would happen.

"Or they'd put a witch-killing bullet in my head," Rowena said.

"They would have to put one in mine first," you said. "But that's not gonna happen." You weren't the Winchesters' biggest fan, but, just like Rowena, they had changed. They weren't the same anti monster people they used to be.

"You don't know that."

"Not one hundred percent, no," you agreed. "I just know they've changed. Like you. I still don't fully trust them, but I know they wouldn't hurt you on purpose." Not anymore. Those days were long behind you. "But if you want to leave, then let's go."

She frowned. "Really?"

"Yeah," you said with a nod. "Sam and Dean are okay — for hunters — but we don't owe them anything. Hell, I'm only here 'cause you wanted to help them. If you still wanna help them, that's fine. If not, that's fine, too." You took her other hand into yours with a tight grip. "No matter what you decide, I support you."

Rowena looked like she wanted to cry. She stared at you, lower lip quivering as she tried her hardest to keep her tears at bay. "Bloody sap," she said teasingly.

You chuckled. "You know it, honey."

"I hate you."

"Likewise."

She let out a small laugh. "You're insufferable."

"Takes one to know one, babe," you retorted playfully. "So what's it gonna be? We going home or staying?"

Rowena's expression grew serious. She pondered on it for a moment, then her features twisted with determination you hadn't seen on her face in weeks. "We're staying."

"You're sure?" you asked. The last thing you wanted was for her to feel pressured.

She nodded. "I don't know if I'll be able to accomplish anything, but I will try."

"I'll help you," you said.

"Thank you, dear."

Standing up, you pressed your lips to hers in a kiss. Electricity surged through you as soon as her skin touched yours. Even years since the first time you'd kissed her, her lips tasted the same; same sweetness, same energy, same fire. No matter how much time had passed, Rowena MacLeod never lost her flavor — and she never would.

"I'm really proud of you," you said as your lips parted, shooting her a bright smile.

Rowena's cheeks flushed deep red. "It's been a while since I've heard that one."

"In that case, you'll be hearing it every single day from now on."

"Flatterer."

"Just being honest, sweetheart." You pulled her in for another kiss and then, motioning towards the rift, said, "Now, how do we do this thing?"

"I think I know where to start," Rowena said, already flipping through the spellbook.

"Lead the way."

A/N: I will be honest. I am not happy with this fanfic at all. I hope you guys like it because, personally, I find it to be one of my worst ones. I lost inspiration less than halfway through it.

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @darktweet @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind​ @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @royalrowena @supwhorecorp @salembitchtrials​ @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @victoriasagittariablack​ @rowenaswife @laeshhh @dropsofpetrichor @fromflametofire​ @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @elaspn