#And im yearning for last year
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I probably need to continue UTY. I. I'm yearning for the Dunes
#And im yearning for last year#Feel like everyone's mad at me#January ended so freaking well what on earth happened?#People come and people go but that doesn't make things any easier#Plus. Well. I feel like my current self ship group is vastly different than last years. Or even 6 months ago#So many old moots left like. I'm still not doing okay with that. Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa#Life is fun. People leave or deactivate#I feel like stuff is ending#I just wanna live in the Wild East#I just wanna have the peace of mind that stars loves me and don't have to worry bout doubles again#This turned into a vent lol#The cake doth speak
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"christmas doesn't feel like it used to 🥺" I grew up on a christmas carol bro. christmas has always been about the ghosts of a glittering past that refuses to stay buried but can't quite ever come back to life
#liv shouts into the void#christmas#i did haunted christmas last year and im doing it again this year#its not spooky in like a halloween way#its yearning. its melancholy. its etherial and echoing and cold in a way where you're looking at the warm glow of windows from outside#and it slaps
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Man if you hate Solas and hate the whole solavellan thing what in the hell are you doing following me ?
Like idk if no one's told you also but commenting shit like "I fucking hate this" on people's art of a character is only going to get you blocked. Have fun being miserable bitch
#lile idk maybe yall are new here?#i used to draw solas getting pegged like why are you here???? of all places??#like not to get overconfident on main but my art is kindof just. about those yearning looks. ya feel?#like its 10 years later im so used to rude ass motherfuckers commenting on any art i make of solas 'i hate him stop drawing this' etc etc#except unfortunately i am also a huge cunt.#several hundered new followers these last few weeks. and some of you. are on thin fucking ice
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most horrific image in the entire world
#actually made me kind of want to die a little bit how much in the episode they were really making it feel like the last episode ever#or at least the last one before another several year hiatus#we stay strong ummm maybe i think. i think i will yeah. s4 yearning period starts now#clone high spoilers#mine#also i was so fucking anxious about abe like dying from the poison#when he woke up it was like i was born again and now my life is divided into two sections before and after that moment#they’ll be back next year im sure!
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Oh, I understand it now
#for years I've met people who mourn over not being someones favorite#how strange#ive never exactly felt like i could pull away from all socials and feel disproportionately... alone ?#im unsure hpw to phrase it#i could stwp back#and im not sure folks would continue to reach out? its not even necessarily a negative thought#but everyone is busy or has their own people#im too late in the game to forge lasting friendships/relationships woth folks#it isnt bad! its nice not to be Needed for once#but its strange to realize the difference between being needed and wanted#its a weird feeling of being alone#im still slowly trying to reach back out to the connections i have who have been patient and waiting for me#its just strange to look around at the folks i prioritize and go 'ah#i'm not necessary here. i have Nothing tying me to these people'#faize faints#everyone is busy i dont blame yhem ofc!! im glad folks have their own people#its just. interesting to take a step back and look at the friendships i prioritized and realize i prioritized wrong#i probably shouldn't be chasing new friendships. i should probably be nurturing those that i have. and im sorry.#anyone waiting on replies im sorry#ill better manage my energy#(nobody here)#edit; well#the people waiting for replies are here#the folks who ive been fixated on are not#alden if u see this youre exempt youre Special /lh#but no i recently started pouring my time and energy into places that dont need it. they have their own people. i am simply a fill in for#when their people are not present#and thats okay!#i am happy my friends are happy#i think i yearn for the mutual feeling of best friends
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imma do yet another quick rain world server challenge before i go to my childhood new year place
#sunflower rambles#im so fucking glad we go there this year man#ive yearned for it so much#last time we went was in 2019#then covid happened#then shitty family issues with my dad#i thought we couldnt this year either ngl
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haha boys are so cute when you flirt with them <- is too shy to flirt with anyone
#last time i flirted with a boy like properly flirted was 4 years ago…#and now im so shy 🙈 i could never…#mlm#nblm#gay#gay pride#gay mlm#gay yearning#mlm post#mlm thoughts#mlm concept#mlm yearning#mlm positivity#trans mlm#t4t mlm
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i miss the foresttt i miss the mountains i miss the snow… i miss that clearing and i miss that feeling of being home
#goooooodddddd. its only been a year since the last time i went but i yearn for it so badly that i could cry#I feel so sad when im away from there. I don’t think anything fulfills me as much as that place does#been missing it extra bad recently .. I usually go in November but I don’t want to wait anymore#fleet foxes keeps it close to my heart n reminds me of there .. and also my other special playlist
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How much longer am I going to feel like this? How much longer will I have to wait to just have somebody touch me?? I haven't got anybody within arms reach who would be willing to just lay with me for a few hours, to hold me the way I am fucking desperate to be held. I'm living off imaginary crumbs right now while my body is completely starving for contact that I have no way to get. I don't want to be stuck with this ache for another year, or two, or ten. I'm so so sick of it. I'm sick of holding a pillow every night and imagining it's something real. I need the universe to send me something, even just for a few hours. Please universe??
#rip to my new internet friends who have heard this rant several times now#but FUCK man im lonely#Its been over a year now since I last had legitimate skin to skin contact#My mom is the only human being on this planet right now who will actually hold me#and even that only tends to last a few minutes.#I am cryibg im the club#fucking period emotions making my yearning and loneliness worse.
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Akkayan or sandray?
this is a mean question and you're bullying me. akkayan
#rowan asks#nonny#look. listen. im Obsessed with sandray#their dynamic is unhinged and it is everything to me. i love their mess and their yearning and the walls between them#their smiles & their little handholds and their pushing and shoving#but you gotta understand akkaye like changed my brain chemistry.#i love sandray but i have related to few characters in my life like i relate to akk pipitphattana#he is nestled deep in my heart and aye is in there deeper for loving him despite it#i adore akkaye they're everything to me#and more i started really participating in this kind of fandom on tumblr and to a lesser extent in my fics because of them#so they've brought me a lot of joy in life this last year#sandray has too! ive made lots of great mutuals and friends during of lead-up and airing#but akkaye are special to me#<3
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you are NOT going to believe who just texted me
remember the person that ive been on-and-off in love with for LITERALLY A YEAR. and who is leaving in LITERALLY A MONTH. and who has never actually cared about me all that much. while *i* on the other hand have written several fairly popular mlm posts about them, and countless flop posts just rambling?? and how for months, i couldn't ever ever EVER shut up about him.
INDEED.
#i am being normal about this though i promise#(<— shaking)#does anyone rememver when i made you guys vote on whether or not i should text him#well that was about arct8c monkeys the car#and he texted me qbout qrctic monkeys'q certain romance#our (non existent) relationship revolves around music /srs#qlso but like. i have a really cool gsa presentatjon that im travelling to give next month#did you know that LAST YEAR. ON THAT SAME TRIP. was the day i realised i had fallen for him#and ive been through hell qnd back a million times since#blue screams into the void#mlm#mlm yearning#they should have a proper tag but too late now
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me for the majority of the night:
me remembering that my grandma gave me a quilt that was handmade in the 60s by my great grandma:
#do u guys ever feel like. intensely connected with an object#bc she gave this to me when they were visiting yesterday and i was like..oh. yeah. this Feels Right#this Feels Correct.#this is my hole it was made for me but like..about a blanket that was made like 50 years ago#its all... dark blue and pink and its got hearts sewn into it its so. waaugh#anyway. im having. a night#loki got into the garbage and ate a bunch of shit and i dont know what he ate so im like. panic awake for the next few hours for sure#and imnlike. the last few days ive just had this intense like. need. yearning. to just. take a break.#im not even DOING anything. theres nothing to take a break FROM. ive been ACTIVELY AVOIDING responsibilities#but i still feel like i need a break. whats the move here.#i wanr 2 put my body on autopilot and not exist for like a few days i think that would fix me. just fuckjn. zap on outta here#im drawjng a bunch of weird fish. btw. will post those in the morning. i have never done anythig. like this before#im just. drawing random ass shapes and adding eyes and tails to them. not even lookin at actual fish. this is so unlike me#but also like. accidentally drew the cutest sea serpent and catfish ever#ughghghhhgyggygyghg#anyway. blanket time. idk. back to that for a sec. lookin @ this thing and it just. feels right. yeah#mine now. thanks great grammy ily#delete later
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stupid ass thoughts in tags
#big ass crush on my art teacher lmaoooo#art classes started again fkr the second oart of the course#and we're only 3 people this time aaaaaaa#hes so. kind and thoughtful#i know that what im about to say doesnt mean anything but. i was so pleasantly surprised#we have to copy an inked illustration of an author of choice. so he brought some illustrations for us to choose#and i saw there was one of gigi cavenago. since im a big fan i said oh i love cavenago i want to do that one!#but i also said that i didn't like batman in particular (it was a batman illust) but i was like it doesn't matter i'll do it anyway#and then!! the day after he sent on the groupchat 2 more illustrations of cavenago that weren't batman!!! i was shook#sorry but all my interaction with men in particular in the last 5 years have been crazy so i was like oh. hes so nice. that's so nice of him#anyway. looking from afar. yearning even. but it feels nice#shut up belle
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honestly guys i miss someone important but i think its going to be alright!
#ppanicposts#THIS IS ABOUT VTUBERS AND IM BEING PARASOCIAL I PROMISE I AM NOT BEING A LITTLE YEARNING BITCH BOY#im not mr polish meowmeow (reference for irlmoots)#well hes also parasocial but for carti which is a different genre of parasocial i think#anyway ranting about vtubers now#i was pissed when people started bothering each other about it like a drama and not like its srs when stuff first came out#but now i feel a little better about it and that its going to be fine#other fans have been staying strong#another liver indirectly confirmed hes alright in a memba stream#a liver that was speculated to be involved in the problem is back! and not sussed just on break#but she had a birthday stream 🎉 and shes doing alr too#i threw myself into other liver fandoms or in other franchises to distract myself#but after his clips started resurfacing on my yt i realized#i do really hope he comes back 😭 or whatever he decides to do its all going to be okay#i wont fw him if the problems are all true and i wont lie or say i know for a FACT theres no way anythings true#bc im a fan and i dont know what goes on behind the scenes#but atp speculating is unnecessary#and rn i think i trust the word of any livers that comes straight from their mouths over people who want to stir up problems#if youre saying a liver said something i better hear it again from that liver#so if livers seem to be doing more positively? if other livers are going on okay without it seeming like there is no war in ba sing se?#im taking that as a good sign.#every time a problem happens btw#even in february last year where SHIT HIT THE FAN SO BAD#i decided that its better to move on and not take sides because all the livers seemed happier that way#all of them.#when after she left a liver i love immediately jumped to collab with her again#but also uplifted fans of the liver everyone said had a problem with her#i decided if that liver i love is at peace with everyone then it will all be okay 👍 and just keep supporting#i know some things you say are for business when it comes to vtubing because all it is is content creation#but i think they are not someone who goes out of their way for something that isnt genuine
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originally i thought lover boy would extend into 1988, and i have this autism thing where i like there to just be one main story for each year of the timeline (beau/bobby/jolie multi pov novel is 1982-83, bobby novella is 1984, felix + dorothy novel is 1985-86, lover boy is 1987. only exception is until heaven and other heavens are both 1990-91 but they parallel each other they are twin novellas to me)….which means the 1988 slot is free now meaning SPACE FOR ANOTHER STORY YAYYYYYYY. sorry for forming a special interest over one wip and turning it into a writing playground where i follow the same series of characters from different angles across a decade, so you still think I’m hot?
#and I still yearn for a mid 90s wip#the one wip for each year thing is NOT going to last but i like what im doing with it atm#the only year within the timeline that has no wip is 1989 but I have two reasons why I want to skip that one
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