#And he still tries to say its a passion project thats hes proud of when really hes just proud his name is attached to it

[awesamforehead]

[softxhariana]

34+35 live stream

description: ariana’s live stream before debut of 34+35 remix music video.

word count: 2.22k

A/N: little piece based off this live stream that ariana did in the countdown to her releasing the 34+35 remix music video with doja and megan. obvs not included every question but just a few fun bits and harry mentions for you x

also disclaimer, this is NOT real, if u don't wanna read about these two then don't, i’m not tryna act like they’re together it is fiction.

❤ anywayz hope u enjoy luvs xox

❖   "HELLO EVERYONE! thank u for coming to this premier,” ariana smiled sweetly at the camera, as the video cut to a shot of her for the beginning of the countdown.

“we had so much fun making this 34+35 remix video for you, and uhh, we hope you love it.” she continued, playing with her hair. no matter how long she did this for she swore she would never cease to get slightly nervous in these situations. where it was her alone, in front of a camera. but her fans made her feel at ease, and she felt she owed them something, as she hadn’t done many quarantine interviews like other celebs have.

“i thought i would come celebrate and join the countdown with you guys. which is something that I've never done before, but i’m very happy to be here and i was very excited to get some questions from you all...” she held up the sheets of twitter questions she had received, “um that i’m gonna be answering while i’m here so, i cant wait to celebrate this together and countdown and answer some of your questions!” she finished with a smile.

and it was genuine. a real smile that her fans were thrilled to see.

ariana was genuinely so happy and content with her life right now. with her family, her music, her friends, harry. harry her FIANCE!! might she add.

everything just felt perfect, and after all the shit the last couple years had thrown her way, she appreciated the break.

 she got her love back, she was making music that she fully loved, and put her whole soul into, and she had fans who had stuck with her and supported her through some of the darkest times in her life, that were now able to experience her happiness and personal growth with her. so truly, little things like this, felt like the least she could do for them.

“ohh this is a good one because its 34 35 related” she tucked her hair behind her ears, “@noirgrande said ‘ummm its just i wanna the end of 34+35 is it awww shit or nooo shit, i just wanna sing the song right”

“umm it is indeed no shit” she confirmed, smiling matter of factly at the camera before reciting the closing line of the song.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“@arianalocks1223 said ‘will we get to see the track list before the songs release?’” she paused for a second to process - which turned into a few more seconds, she was a bit slow today. she had told harry with full sincerity that she thought it was because she was getting old but he had just cracked up at her absurd statement, and told her that if that was the case he’d still think she was a milf

“you will!” she nodded with certainty, “indeed. ummm... i can tell you them now” she blurted, oops.

“i suppose thats not like... is that against the rules? can i do that?” she turned, to question scooter who was supervising off camera, not wanting to get her label mad at her for releasing too much information, something she has a tendency to do. 

after getting the nod of reassurance from him she turned back to the camera, “so out of ‘POV’, you go into, um, an interlude called ‘someone like u’. after that is a song called ‘test drive’, after that is the 34/35 remix with doja and meg” she smiles lightly, “and after that is a song called ‘worst behaviour’, and after worst behaviour is... a song called ‘main thing’...” she finishes, a shy smirk forming on her face, dimples appearing, “so that’s the tracks.” 

continuing with the countdown, ariana felt her heart warm at the love her fans were giving her and this album. she loved interacting with them and making them happy and proud of her so knowing she had done just that, was an amazing feeling.

“umm hesbloodsline... @hesbloodsline ... i’m really fond of this question because its really to the point, ‘where's the pig and where the fuck is harry?’” she smiled, holding in a laugh.

“piggy’s here, she's great, she's really doing so well and life is really good for her right now, she's really thriving and doing her thing” she ranted, a hint of sarcasm in her voice, “um, i make her big salads everyday that she likes, she's doing really great. she asked me to stop posting her as much because she's actually really offended by a lot of your jokes that you make on twitter, she asked me to have a word with you guys” she continued to joke, well aware that she probably found herself more funny than anyone else did right now.

“she doesn't like the jokes about being eaten, they really hurt her, umm yeh, and she asked me to convey that... no she’s great...” she finally decided to answer, “and harry, is on set today, so um, yeh thats where he is... but don't worry i will tell him to keep you in the loop, i’ve got you” 

ariana unconsciously let a small smile take over her glossed lips when talking about harry. he had been so excited about this new project and seeing him passionate and happy about anything he’s doing, always made her happiest.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“nicole! @nastyctrl. nicole said ‘who helped come up with the concept for the positions music video, love u sm ari’ love you so much to, i love you so much more” she paused, she loved this story,

“um this is actually a really funny story, dave and i had been going back and forth on several different concepts, and i couldn't, like... marry one... i couldn't really, like, really commit to one, i wasn't 100% sold. and it was missing a certain element of empowerment. and i kept, you know, trying to think of things that would make it more impactful cause i wasn't loving what we had...”

“anddd then me and harry were on this huge hike, and he just turned to me and was like, ‘what if you were the president?’ which was like, not at all fitting cause i was dying and complaining the whole time. but i was like,” she tried to imitate a shocked face through her smile and laughed 

“and when i called dave he was like ‘oh... kay, ill call you guys back’ and had the whole production team redo everything, and i had mimi pull completely different outfits and we completely started over cause that idea was what i was, craving and missing. and i was like, wow, thats so perfect” she smiled, shrugging her shoulders, “so yeh, honorary directing credit to harry styles, if you liked that”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“this is from @borderlinevinyl, who said ‘how much of the album was recorded at your little home studio?’ ummm..” she sang, looking off camera in thought, everything in quarantine had honestly just blurred into one so she was struggling to remember what exactly she recorded where,

“um... a lot of it was... i think i did parts of everything here and parts of things at tommy's i know i did, um, the final chorus ad-libs for positions at home” she began listing in her head, “i know i did all of off the table at home... i know i did the final chorus of my hair at home because we- i-” oops. she had to control the laugh threatening to leave her lips at the lack of subtlety in her correction

“-i got out of the shower and he was like ‘oh your whistles are really here right now’, and i was like y’know what... yeahh they are aren’t they” she laughed as she squinted her eyes and recited that part of the conversation, even trying to imitate his deeper accent.

she had been singing in the shower - as she always did - and harry joining her never seemed to stop her from belting out any whitney or old one direction classic she wanted to. he would even join in sometimes and they'd end up with their own mini concert, dancing around naked, shampoo and conditioner bottles in hand singing their hearts out to everything from high school musical to nicki minaj to fleetwood mac.

while it felt like too bold of statement to make as she truly revelled in and enjoyed everything they did together, showering with him was truly one of her favourite’s. whether it was steamy shower sex that had all glass surfaces in the room fogging up or letting loose and dancing and singing under the pouring water, every moment felt so intimate and sacred. it truly made her feel like they were they only people in the world. 

of course he would claim she was out singing him every time she whistled and would jokingly try to replicate the note but he was truly just in awe off the sounds that came from her mouth (in all senses of the word;)

"-and so i opened ‘my hair’ and just randomly did that” she continued, “um what else did i do here, i did the a lot of the backgrounds and ad-libs for 34+35 here, um, obvious was done at home, a lot of six-thirty was done at home”

caught in her own thoughts she only realised she had probably been droning on for too long when she caught scooters eye across the room and with a blush she shook her head as if to clear it, “this is an annoying answer, everything was kind of all over the place but i did a lot, a lot, a lot of the vocals for the album at the house" she finally finished the long answer, moving on quickly as she realised she didn't have long until the premiere and she wanted to answer as many of the questions as possible.

“ok, second last question from hannah, ever- @everdxystxless, im sorry i don't know how to pronounce that” she laughs looking up at the camera with wide eyes, not sure how exactly how she was supposed to go about pronouncing the username, 

“im sorry, um, but anyway she say’s ‘ari baby, how do you feel about harry getting to do a movie with florence pugh, we know your a big fan of hers, ps. i love you so much!’ well hannah, i love you too” she replies, as she thinks back to when harry first introduced the two, after she had gotten over the initial fangirling, the pair became amazing friends. florence struck ariana as such a genuine, loving person and they shared the same dry sense of humour. plus ariana might of been just a little obsessed with her accent - not that she would ever admit that and scare the girl off.

“and... um, yeah, it literally, made me beyond happy, i was fully like, fangirling when i met her the first time” she laughs as she plays with her hair, “she honestly, probably was like, ‘who the fuck is this girl? what is she doing?’”ariana imitated, a faux scared/weirded out look on her face, playing the part of a mildly pissed off florence - which she luckily had never been on the receiving end of, “im sure i was being the opposite of subtle about it but, no, she really truly is the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful, talented human being” she emphasises, the thought of any news outlets of fan’s trying to spin a ‘jealousy’ story about this making her internally role her eyes,

“midsommar is, like, one of my all time favourite movies, and she's amazing in it, and harry’s like so fucking lucky its crazy. so yeah, thats insane”

~~~~~~~~~

"...so yeah... thank you so much! this was so much fun!” ariana exclaimed as she wrapped up the Q&A, smiling wide at the camera, she knew her fans were going to love the music video and she couldn't wait for them to watch it, plus interacting with them in this way always made her happy.

“i love you guys, i miss you” she reminded, “i am so appreciative of everything you've done for this album, for these singles, for this music. i hope that, um, that this makes you super happy, i hope it makes you smile...we had so much fun shooting it and um, the girls are so fantastic, so i hope you love this and i hope you love the deluxe!” 

ariana didn't know how many more ways she could say thank you and express her gratitude but she still had over a minute and a half so she’d have to come up with something, even if it meant she’d sound like a broken record

“i am so thankful for everything and for the love that you've shown this music i cant even begin to articulate it properly so, thank you! i appreciate it so much” she breathed out all in one, “but anyway, the video should be starting soon, so... i hope you like it, don't refresh! it’ll be here soon... i promise... just don't refresh” she urged dramatically, she was really dragging this out, “but yeh” she got out through laughs “the video should be starting anytime now, i love you guys” she blew a kiss to the camera before moving as close to the lens as possible “byee”.

🖤 there u go!! i hope you liked it, and any feedback would always always be welcomed and so so appreciated pls and thanku x 

[vampexx]

I have tried a few times now to write this post but I just couldnt go forward with posting it, thinking its too personal...

But...here it goes...

I have always been a painfully shy, paranoid and self conscious person so being this open is really scary for me to say the least due to my struggles with confidence and self esteem...

And drawing has been something I did for as long as I can remember...and it was something that helped me growing up...

However, ever since high school in 10th grade, I have had almost all my drive and love for drawing drained from me from comparing myself to the other, "better," students in my art class and from my own art teacher who at first, in 9th grade, started as a somewhat positive influence but then the next year being really negative and rude.

I was the student that was told, "youre not done, go back to your seat, keep working," when going to my teacher for advice. When he said this, he would only glance at my work before turning me away. All while the other students received kind, positive and constructive criticism when I did not.

He even addressed me, out loud, in front of the class, regarding my low grade, saying, "the only reason you arent failing my class is because you did your homework last night."

For context: the homework assignment was some drawing exercises...and the reason my grade was low was because, it was towards the end of the year, I had completely given up on myself and my art so I didnt turn in a project. One, because I never cared enough to finish it and two, it was an act of rebellion on my part.

That was the first and only class where I actually had an F-....I didnt even know it was possible to get that low of a grade...but trust me, it is. My math grade was never even that low.

Now, this art class was something you had to submit a portfolio for it to be reviewed so these 2 art teachers could decide if you were accepted into this art program or not. (It was exoensive too, if I remember correctly, it was like $200 per semester, and I did this for 2 years).

And against my own self consciousness, while feeling like I was far less qualified than others, I challenged my self doubt and fear of rejection and tried out anyways...

And a few weeks later, I found out I was accepted. That moment went down as one my top, most proud moments. I was proud of myself for a change.

Only for that to change a couple years later...where the little pride and confidence I had left in not only myself, but my skills in art, just dropped so low.

On top of that, my academic grades while in this art program, were also dropping considerably due to the amount of stress I put myself through trying to meet everyone elses expectations and standards.

My painting and drawing teacher (the nice one, not the rude one) would encourage my love and skill for cartooning, charcoal and shading. My digital art teacher (the one who ended up being so rude to me in the following year), helped me realize my strengths in photoshop and with a tablet. He did praise me a few times, which did help, but it didnt last very long.

My downfall was the art class that I took in 10th grade, with my previous digital art teacher, which was "figure drawing." Basically, it was learning how to draw anatomy and being anatomically correct which I found out very early on, was not my strength....and it was the whole focus of the class for the entire year so I was screwed. My strengths were cartooning and caricatures, not anywhere near anything anatomically correct. I kean, I could draw a skeleton, but when it came to human figures and poses....I dont know why but I had a tough time. So that was the year that things really went downhill fast.

It just took the fun out of drawing and turned it into something that felt too forced.

However, in my experience with this class I learned something about myself that Im actually glad that I did...

Its that art is just a hobby for me. I learned that I hate drawing on demand, in a certain time frame, and drawing what someone else wants me to draw.

I want to draw only on my own terms and at my own pace.

I couldnt see that about myself because I was too concerned with everyone else and their skills in drawing.

A few years after I quit the art program, I really didnt draw all that much aside from little doodles and unfinished sketches on the edges of my homework and class notes. I didnt like anything that I drew anymore.

And when you lose love, drive and interest in something you were once so passionate about....it leaves a gaping hole in you. It makes you feel pointless, like there nothing special about you. Nothing that sets you apart from everyone else. It really is as depressing as it sounds.

I was lost.

However. I FELT FREE. I didnt have a constant reminder from several different people that I wasnt as good. No one to make me feel lesser than someone else. No one to put me down.

As a result, my academic grades improved back to As and Bs (excluding math in the 11th grade, I had like a D).

---

And I realize now that maybe I didnt learn all of this the hard way for no reason. Maybe its to also help someone so they dont have to learn the hard way like I did. Or maybe, its to reach out to those have experienced the same or similar things as me so that they dont feel alone. So that they know that them and their skills are still very much valuable and valid.

Because everyone goes at their own pace, no two people are ever the same.

Anyone can be good at anything.

Now I didnt want this post to discourage anyone from taking or considering an art class. Please understand that my experiences are unique to myself. Art classes are actually very helpful as long as your surrounded by positive and encouraging influences.

Just remember to be careful. Respect yourself and your abilities. Be patient with yourself. Have faith in yourself, dont give up. And last, but not least, know your worth and what you deserve when it comes to treatment.

---

Anyways, so up until a couple of years ago, I slowly started to get back into drawing.

I do love to draw, along with architecture and interior/ fashion design.

Im working to rediscover myself, even though I dont want to do it professionally...

So as I did years ago, I will challenge my self doubt again and try to put myself back out there.

So as anxietal as I am, I want to ask...

Would anyone be interested in seeing something I drew?

Might be an odd question and it might sound attention seeking but Im really just testing the waters....

I will add one little doodle I did the other day just to see....

I know its not that great and thats its nothing amazing but....its something Im proud of...however small it may be.

Im not sure how I feel when it comes to reposting...

I feel like I dont want people to repost it...

In case I ever feel like taking it down...

Idk.

Anyways....Im literally shaking Im so nervous...

But...Im trying to repair some old damage.

Have a miraculous day and thank you for your patience.

Again, please dont repost. At least until Im a little more comfortable.

Thank you

[simptasia]

hc questions 5, 6, 7, 26, 44 & 47 for any or all of the science team members if you want? :)

oh bless!! thank you!! i’ll go with My Beloved Three, as usual, the sci trio

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

my hcs on this have wobbled over time but overall i imagine dan, char and miles are all like, fairly, neat. tho they all have a tendency to leave papers around

and miles doesn’t make the bed as much. cuz imagining miles napping in rumpled quilts is a very cute mental image. hair disheveled

i think a good term for whats going on with dan and char is Organized Chaos. they’re both scientists (and a musician) for heck’s sake. it doesn’t look like they know what they’re doing but they do. but ur not gonna walk into their house(s) and be like “ugh gross what the fuck”. it’s nice. dan tends to make the bed

and i imagine dan keeps The Rat Room (yes, you heard me) immaculate because you reeeeeeally want that area to be well cared for

as for personal, lets get this out of the way, none of them are yucky. but dan is showering the least, just due to absent mindedness and hyperfixation. like ya really get into a project and then suddenly oh fuck i need a shower. but thats relative. he’s not a stinky gross boy. i imagine miles washes the most because like, he has body piercings and those GOTTA be cleaned every day, especially the downstairs one. miles values his dick, he don’t want an infection

also its amazing how much more you shower/bathe when you have a partner. or in this case, two partners. in general and for sexy purposes. hell yeah

well thats enough of me picturing these three showering, moving on

Eating habits and sample daily menu

its odd how often i’ve pictured these people eating together

dan: eats the least (and for once that isn’t a skinny joke, he could eat cake every day and he’d still be like that) because for the most part he doesn’t have much of an appetite. he eats what he needs, with random bursts of being really hungry (it’s a neurodivergent thing). i imagine he has a extra fondness for pasta and can put a surprising amount of it away when he wants to. tho typically for ease, he’ll stick to noodles. he takes his coffee mild and decaf. i hc him as a vegetarian due to not being able to process meat. his body also cannot handle alcohol and the one time he tried it he needed to be hospitalized. his ice cream preference is vanilla with chocolate sprinkles. or honeycomb. favourite vegetable is capsicum (which he’d call a bell pepper because he’s american), favourite fruit is pineapple. on that note he likes pineapple pizza. overall he eats simple but isn’t against trying new things. he has a very neutral disposition towards food

char: of the trio, i define charlotte as the Loud Passionate One so obviously being a big eater goes with that, likes a big breakfast (eggs, sausages, sometimes french toast!), sometimes skips lunch when she’s working at the museum due to focus, has a ravenous sweet tooth (i haven’t been subtle that i’ve made her ADORE chocolate but in general i see her liking sweet things), she can handle eating less tho because she’s gone on plenty of expeditions and such. so i think she eats a lot under normal circumstances because, like, she can. i don’t think i need to tell you what her ice cream or starbucks preferences are, do i? takes her coffee with three sugars, two coffees and creamy. likes mochas and hot chocolates too. with marshmallows. naturally, her fave kind of chocolate is galaxy because she is an English Woman. another fave of hers is cadbury’s creme eggs. but lest you think Good Lord Sapphire This Woman’s Entire Body Is A Sugar Molecule, don’t worry she does eat well. like veggies, fruits, meats, she’s fine. of meats, she has a fondness for fish (i have no further information, im terrible with fish. but she’s a pom, so...). favourite fruit is pear, favourite vegetable is peas. likes a bacardi, or rum and coke

miles: he eats a “normal” amount but he’s a grazer. which means, not so much Set Meal eating than eating/snacking thru out the day. he takes his coffee black, no surprise, but with sugar! see, its a metaphor. for him. likes fried eggs and hash browns. his fave food is very cheap mac and cheese. i think in general he really likes cheese. he doesn’t have complicated tastes, like, he grew up poor. he likes seafood (in particular fish tacos) but not lobster as he discovered when he got cashed up. he likes salty food but likes sweets too, in particular i can imagine him snacking on m&ms, skittles, gummi bears. little things. doesn’t have a fave vegetable because he doesn’t care enough, to him veggies are things to eat so you won’t die. doesn’t hate him but isn’t excited to eat ‘em. fave ice cream is mint choc. he’ll drink whatever (except for vodka) but is used to beer. thinks pineapple on pizza is an abomination, espech since he really likes pizza otherwise. i consider him a food opportunist, like, oh theres food here? yoink. or like, oh hey, if everybody else is eating, i’ll have whatever’s going on

....i feel like whenever i write hcs about these guys my brain takes on their tone. like, that was a lot of short, eh whatever, sentences for miles there

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

dan:

- reading (really depends on how you define Wasting Time). also he composes music and when he was alive, that was considered wasting time (ugh)

- sometimes even just doing hobbies or work or whatever, even then, he tends to have this feeling of never doing enough due to his Perfectly Healthy And Supportive Upbringing [seethes] so uhhhh basically, anxiety? like this was a dude raised to think anything other than his work was a waste of time. it didn’t exactly work but a decent amount of that Pressure has to still sit with him

char:

- watching tv, espech star trek

- not a waste of time if you’re enjoying yourself

miles:

- card and board games (weren’t expecting that, were ya? i’m not saying that's his Fave Thing To Do, but he considers that a good chill out thing to do. something to do when ur bored but you don’t feel like watching tv or having sex)

- “it’s something to do”

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

dan:

for original lifetime dan, it was Do Science, Make Mom Proud (tiny voice: and maybe spend the rest of my life with charlotte. if i’m lucky. maybe. please? love?) cuz i imagine dan, although very focussed on the future, actually doesn’t think/care about HIS future. i just don’t think he cares about himself enough

limbo dan is like Make Music, Love Charlotte. which is fair. and then Love Miles on top of that. so yeah, just wants to be a good musician and husband. and one day, father. with char actually in his life in this world, thats def on his mind. he won’t bring it up tho, he’ll wait for her to mention it :3

(dan’s canon contingency plan for things not working out is hydrogen bomb)

char:

alive char, like, ADVENTURE! ISLAND! SOLVE MYSTERIES! that makes it sound like she’s a fucking scooby doo character. i mean, her Goal was to find the island and find out what the fucky duck is going on. she did that. and overall his goals seem like adventure/career orientated. i hc that this version of char never intended on getting married or having kids. she wasn’t Against the ideas and she’s certainly had romances but she was more thinking of other things. (that and i think deep down char thought nobody would ever wanna marry her)

in limboverse There Is No Mystery but she still has her great job(s), that is she works at a museum and i think she goes on expeditions sometimes. so theres that, she’s got the great career. really, her Plan for the future in this world is live the live she couldn’t before. she (and dan!) died young so they’re gonna like, actively adore each other and get married and have kids. and also miles is there. ha, that sounded so rude. she loves miles too. (besties/fuck buddies turned Hey You Wanna Join Me And Dan’s Relationship and miles like... yeah sure)

miles:

step one: get money to fill gaping hole of sadness in chest

step two: ????

step three: die

and even my limbo miles whomst i’ve put with dan and char doesn’t have any plans for the future, besides like, do his job and maybe become a dad again (context: i hc that miles had two kids with richard when he was alive). so he’s still chilling but without the depressing ache of loneliness and bitterness

so basically long story short for all of them (in limboverse): Love & Family

Superstitions or views on the occult?

ohooo i like this one

dan: didn’t grow up believing in magic and such (which is super ironic because his mother is a fucking other) but he has a very open mind. i think he’ll believe it if he’s thrust into the situation. it’s interesting really, dan is known as the science guy and that's great but he’s super fucking accepting of not science shit. tho of course, he’s not seeing the island time travel as magic but science. but more importantly, he regards miles’ powers with zero doubt or questioning. he doesn’t even seem confused, he is absolutely on board with miles being able to talk to dead people. this all implies miles told him off screen and dan believes him

so basically he’ll accept whatever is presented to him as true

which honestly, is what a good scientist is like. the trope of the scientist character who is ultra non believing of the supernatural, even when they’re seeing it before their eyes, is annoying. like, you know the ones? the ones who get angry about it. the overly skeptical scientist. hate that. dan is not that

and his character arc includes embracing free will over destiny so there's that

char: she’s not superstitious and doesn’t believe in magic or the supernatural at all. tho thrown into bizarre situations she’s like ???? but has to accept it. and she KNOWS something is up with the island. she knows its different. i just mean, under normal circumstances she’d regard magic stuff as funny nonsense. i hc that char, in living life, doesn’t believe miles can speak to the dead. really fucking weird this isn’t addressed in the show but hahaaaa they wasted char! anyways and like, if presented with the concept that dan’s brain damage is being healed by the island, she’d look confused, say thats impossible but she’d think on it

what i’m saying is she’ll rule out magic concepts at first, on reflex. but would grow to accept them, especially with stuff she knows/has repressed

she doesn’t believe in ghosts, psychics, visions, magic healing and all those exist in her world, so it’s all a matter of experience

miles: WELL WHADDYA THINK

actually it’s funny. miles has magic powers but he’s 0% superstitious and i imagine outside of his own powers, he really doesn’t believe in the occult. i hc that until he personally proved otherwise, he grew up thinking he was mentally ill. and once he realised it was true, thought he was some kind of freak

and he’s incredulous when he finds out hurley has powers too. tho miles, being miles, does roll with the punches a lot in the show, he’s skeptical when it comes to hurley's power. and i find that interesting. also i fucking love how when hurley describes his power, miles says “thats not how it works”, like ???? babe???

but overall his attitude on the island is like “well. this is happening”

i do think thru his life, despite his power, he doesn’t believe in All Magic or occult or whatever. i also hc that he attracted those kind of people who are REALLY into astrology and auras and stuff like that and he found them exasperating. (i think he’d be a lot more okay with it if it was claire who was talking about astrology and palm reading with him. he’d be endeared when its her)

and i think he thinks other psychics he’s met or seen on tv are straight up bullshit. he can believe he has it but he’s skeptical of other people. just assumes they’re scammers. hell, he was a scammer. who just happened to have the power. he was like “well i have this, i may as well get some use outta it”

oh and in limboverse, they all kinda have to accept their situation. and they take it with ease due to appreciating getting happier lives

How do they express love?

a dan who loves you will pet your face and look at you like ur his entire reason to live. a char who loves you will squeak at your jokes and will never once let you feel bad about yourself. a miles who loves you is sorry he isn’t better at this stuff but he really is trying... sure we can cuddle if you wanna, that’s cool v///v

the dan and char we saw in the show was them holding back and i find that very amusing because they were HEART EYES AS FUCK for each other and so affectionate and so soft hearted, like oh my gosh. canon show dan/char is them when they’re pining... when they’re not even a couple (yet, damn it)

imagine them at full power

i figured it out, dan/char couldn’t be an Official Couple because then jeremy davies and rebecca mader would have destroyed us all, especially me

anyways. they’re both very protective of each other. they... they touch each other a lot. like a lot for people who aren’t dating and whomst don’t think the other one loves them. like char is surprised when dan says he loves her. that fucking astonishes me. HE’S NOT SUBTLE. char are you okay???

dan is more open about the love than char, seeing as he said it. and double downed on it. char i feel was holding back for different reasons than dan. dan was holding back (fucking barely) because of eloise’s Love Will Only Bring Pain upbringing, which’d give somebody a serious complex. so he was adverse to actually pursuing a relationship AND i figure he thought “she wouldn’t wanna be with me anyways”. but char i imagine, a deep seated insecurity and need to be defensive, but also! dan was like REALLY mentally unwell before the island. and that's the dan that char knows (and loves) but she’d feel guilty if she pursued anything with him. like she’s taking advantage of a brain damaged person

ah fuck i went on a big thing about why they didn’t become a couple instead of like.... the question. how do they express love? like they did in the show. smiles, touches, longing gazes, protectiveness. they would die for each other

as for miles, how does he express love? Not Well. at first

whoever is the first person he fell in love with (i imagine richard), he was not good at... being open about that. i don’t think miles is good with love. lived his life pretty detached/bitter about the concept, which i imagine is due to having cynicism about life and death. everybody you love is gonna die, so why bother? (his mom dying hit him pretty hard) so uhhh its gonna be... baby steps

slowly becoming more open about liking somebody, becoming more affectionate, more... uh, couple-y (and later throuple-y). it’d take time and he will always be miles, but hey, he gets there. he’ll still always have his snark but he won’t be a Genuine Asshole to people he loves. heck, i imagine he’ll be downright soft in the right situation. and he can be gentle and kind. he’s a salty boy not a cunt

but i digress. basically he’s a little “yeah, yeah, i love you too, shut up” about it but he does have that soft gooey center. basically those who know him, and love him, know his true heart. it’s just a part of being miles “defensive walls” straume

feels love (and even that takes him a while to realise, cuz he hasn’t been a romantic relationship kinda guy, most of his life his relationships have been a Just Sex thing), not Great at like... Doing Love, you know what i mean? but like once he’s used to it, he can be quite a tender little pudding cup, actually

[crazylivingx]

me expressing my love for love yourself: answer

it’s only been 3 days into 2019 and i’ve been emo about love yourself: answer because i recently bought the album in korea and their lyricism makes me want to cry pls ignore this if you don’t wanna read about my feelings towards the solo songs released throughout the love yourself era because the pure genius and passion put into this project is truly astounding yalls pls love yourselves this is also really personal you’ve been warned (also apologies if i’ve made any grammatical errors lmao)

*i’m going by the ly: answer sequence

(as im writing this in my language and literature class my lecturer goes “my daughter loves bts” and cue my friend and i shouting the member’s names to guess his daughter’s bias and its jhope like wow we stan a jhope stan he said she thinks he “has such a blinding smile’ and thats honestly the biggest mood)

euphoria

this song is innocent af when i first heard it i knew it was a bopping bop the synths in the chorus can kick me to switzerland i barely even remember what the video was about all i remember is jungkook and that yellow jacket lmao his vocal runs when he sings “won’t you please stay in dreams” is just heavenly it honestly feels like i’m floating through the clouds with this song this song can convert people who don’t like good songs with synths bet i can’t imagine anyone other than jungkook singing this song tbh if you get an s.o. i hope you experience this song

favourite line (i know it’s not a singular line pls bear with me):

You’re the sun that rose again in my life

A reincarnation of my childhood dreams

I don’t know what these emotions are

Am I still dreaming?

This dream is a blue mirage in the desert

A priori deep inside of me

I’m so happy, I can’t breathe

My surroundings are getting more and more transparent

I hear the far-away ocean

Across the dream, over the horizon

I’m going to the place that’s getting clearer

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

trivia 起 just dance

this whole song shows how much jhope loves dancing and it’s so sweet??? wanting to dance with your partner under the moonlight and slowly falling in love???? the song just screams jhope especially with the chorus you can just imAGiNe him dancing like he has no bones because he DoeSn’T,,,, it has a synthetic feel but it also feels really passionate and human like jhope can #getit we stan a multitalented man the lyrics in this song is probably the lightest but it’s still fun and easy to understand and listen to

favourite line (yea i know it’s like an entire verse but i love their lyrics okay):

In my muddy life

You were like a single stem flower

Even this suffocating studio

If we’re together, turns into paradise

My dreams that once had no answer

Now becomes something we can relate to

Because our rhythm is matching

Because we have our dance, it’s a fate-like beat

serendipity

i remember covering my screams when the mv for this song came out before dna was released and my mom instantly knew what was up lmao this song was kind of my style of music with the #chillvibes it gave out but the chill-ness of the song didn’t make forgettable i’ve played this song in the car before and now my dad can recognize it lol even khalid liked it you go you funky little chimchim,,, i never really paid attention to the lyrics in this song but it sounds really innocent and possessive at the same time lmao i’ll give bts the benefit of the doubt (i also prefer the short version over the full length version don’t kill me)

favourite line (at least these are lines. i know i said line not lines let me live):

As much as my heart flutters, I’m worried

Destiny is jealous of us

//

Since the creation of the universe

Everything was destined

Just let me love you

trivia 承 love

this song man. namjoon. the piano chords in the beginning is what gives me life. the moment i heard them i instantly knew this was going to be a fave. i love the slight discordance no matter what i will instantly start bopping to it because it’s such a bop that you HAVE to bop along with it. rm loves wordplay in his lyrics, and when it crosses with his intellect something beautiful emerges. this song feels like a flower i love the melody of chords like the chords sold me immediately. and then after i was sold the lyrics stabbed me. there is no escape.

favourite line (god where do i begin):

I live so I love

//

I'm just a human, human, human (the ㅁ in 사람 saram which means human)

You erode all my corners

And make me into love, love, love (becomes ㅇin 사랑 sarang which means love)

We're humans, humans, humans

In that myriad of straight lines

My love, love, love

When you sit on top of it and you become my heart (if the ㅇ the word 사랑 is squished, it’ll look like a heart ♡)

//

You make I to an O

I to an O

Because of you

I know why human (saram) and love (sarang) sound similar

You make live to a love

Live to a love

Because of you

I know why a person should live by love

//

It's a long way from I to U

Fuck, JKLMNOPQRST

I crossed all the letters and I reached you 

(i really suggest going to genius’s website to fully understand the song if you want to)

singularity

kim taehyung better square up because i would buy burger king and fight him in the parking lot because he stole my toenail,,,, bighit released this song while i was in hell aka university and bOY was i hshshshhshdhdh <— thats the best way i can describe my feelings,,, like he made my tears flow upwards or something the music video was aMAZING and i was shooketh ihatehimsmjkidontbutyouknowwhatimean back to the song - serendipity was also pretty chill but in a darker way and i love it as well. to me the lyrics mirror fake love because it portrays how walking on thin ice feels and how you’ll lose your own voice just to suffer to make sure the person you love will continue loving you (the lyrics are also really slow so it made it easy for me to read the lyrics in karaoke lmao) singularity was a goddamn package for me the mv, the performance and v himself just hshshshshs when i listen to this song i feel like i’m lying down on a giant leaf floating on a clear pond watching a dim but twinkling meteor shower with giant water flowers surrounding me and fireflies are swaying along with wisps of smoke and this is getting too long winded i’ll stop here as i’m writing this i just remembered namjoon wrote this song in one shot after having surgery what a mans

favourite line (its long but it doesn’t feel complete if i break it up):

A thick ice has formed

In the dream I shortly went into

My agonizing phantom pain is still the same

Have I lost myself

Or have I gained you

I suddenly run to the lake

There’s my face in it

Please don’t say anything

Reach my hand out to cover the mouth

But in the end, spring will come someday

The ice will melt and flow away

Tell me if my voice isn’t real

trivia 轉 seesaw

oh boy. suga. min yoongi. this has been said before but the use of seesaw as a metaphor for a dying/toxic relationship is truly artistic and clever. the way he describes it in his lyrics creates a really clear picture of what’s happening. how if one person gets off a seesaw the other will get hurt as they’ll start to fall to the ground, how neither wants to get off because they know they’ll hurt whoever’s on the other side, and how staying or leaving this “repeated seesaw game” will hurt the both of them no matter what choice they choose. i’ll let the lyrics speak for themselves. (suga singing and dancing was also a pleasant surprise i fell on the floor)

favourite line (get ready i’m about to put like 80% of the song in here the lyrics is a masterpiece):

Repeated seesaw game

I'm tired of this

Repeated seesaw game

We're getting tired of each other

Were the petty arguments the start?

The moment I became heavier than you

Because there's never been parallels in the first place

Maybe I became more greedy and tried to fit in with you

Is there really a need to keep repeating ourselves

Saying this was love and this is love?

They're tired of each other, they seem to hold the same hand

//

People can be so crafty

They know they’ll get hurt if one person is missing

Because we don't want to be the villains

In the midst of a series of vague responsibilities

And we get so tired or if that we finally became parallel

But we didn’t want this kind of parallel

At first, we showed off who was heavier

We'd brag and smile

Now we're trying to beat each other

We're in a competition

The fire of a quarrel

It’ll only end if someone gets off right here

We’re acting like we’re comforting each other

But it’s mixed with thorns

Can’t keep doing this, we need to make a decision

//

(Hol' up Hol' up) I walk on this seesaw without you

(Hol' up Hol' up) Just like the beginning when you weren't here

(Hol' up Hol' up) I walk on this seesaw without you

(Hol' up Hol' up) I'm getting off this seesaw without you

(like trivia 承 love, you can read more about the song on genius’s website)

epiphany

stream epiphany. our boy kim seokjin’s vocals have truly improved huh. this to me felt like a response to awake (you can fLY JIN) and i applaud bighit for giving him this song. he finally gets the recognition and lines he deserves smh. you really feel like a proud parent when you watch the fancams throughout the love yourself tour and hear how his voice improves after each performance. the song is also kind of the ‘final act’ to all the solos in ly: answer and they finally get to spread their message of “its hard to love yourself, but that’s why you should so you can love others as well”. after becoming the shell of what you once were, the only way you can fill it up again is to love yourself, and that’s my pov of the whole point of the song. i’m gonna be honest i wasn’t really into this song in the beginning but i started to fall in love with it after a few listens (i listened to it sm that when i was downloading the ly: answer album i forgot to add epiphany cause i was streaming it LMAO)

favourite line (i know they’re verses as well hshdhds):

I’m the one I should love in this world

Shining me, precious soul of mine

I finally realized so I love me

Not so perfect but so beautiful

I'm the one I should love

//

I may be a bit blunt, I may lack some things

I may not have that shy glow around me

But this is me

My arms, my legs, my heart, my soul

bonus song - answer: love myself

doing a pewdiepie and adding a bonus song lmao my first listen of this song was in my friend’s house and we had the lyrics on and let me tell you the moment we read the lyrics we wanted to hug bts because it was so soft and it was so uwu we were so ready to love ourselves lol yes it sounds like a church song but like epiphany i learned to love it too this was also my first song of 2019 so if you decide to, please listen to it with an open heart

favourite line (hey look actual lines this time yes lines not line):

Maybe I fell in order to take the place of those countless stars

The target of thousands of bright arrows is me alone

//

Why do you keep trying to hide under your mask?

Even all the scars from your mistakes make up your constellation

that’s all from me bye sorry for the long post

bighit pls hire me as an album promoter

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

HI HOW DO YOU WRITE CHARACTERS

hewwo! i can answer this! im literally gonna do a quick list of both deh and bmc characters for u under this readmore! :D

im gonna start with deh because smaller cast!

evan: 

isn’t so much stuttery as he tends to repeat things and uh stammer a bit here and there. stutters over his words sometimes but it’s more l-like this and uh, like… like this

evan hansen has anxiety. he is not anxiety. evan hansen fucks up and makes mistakes and probably internalizes a lot of things. very polite when in public but he can be a bit snappy (as seen w evans comment abt how zoe’s parents have never been poor i believe? it was something he said to zoe)

soft spoken, most of the time. probably not the kind of guy to vocally ask for things until he’s at a comfortable enough point that he feels like he’s not bothering you (same buddy)

i see evan as someone who gets frustrated with himself easily. not as a sense of “god i wish i were normal” but more of a “i should be able to do this, why cant i do this, i want to do this but i cant” because sometimes it’s just a matter of i literally cant do this and i dont know why? and god its so frustrating sometimes

jared:

jared kleinman is a fucking asshole and he knows it. very sarcastic and uses it to cover up his own insecurities, probably the kind of dude who laughs in your face when you tell him off when internally he’s just OH FUCK OH SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK

a lot of ppl write jared as being insecure abt his weight and tbh i don’t see that being a problem for him? i see jared as being insecure abt the fact he comes off very snarky and assholeish but he turns it around and tries to own it even though… that’s not something you want to be proud of? and he knows that

not the kind of dude who stops to assess his feelings. he powers through shit and insists he’s okay until he’s out of steam. i think it was psy who said he’s a “needs therapy boi” and tbh she’s right? 

can be very passive aggressive imo it’s something he really needs to work on.

arrogant, sarcastic, and just a big fucking dick who needs to learn how to watch his mouth.

zoe:

not an pure baby angel, by any means. we’re at a disadvantage because we only see zoe when she’s sort of grieving (because grief can and will come in different ways, and while i see her as not missing connor, i do think that her pushing away her feelings is a form of her grieving imo? it’s a weird thing to explain but there’s a part of zoe that does miss (the old) connor’s presence as w the fake emails evan “gave her her brother back” (albeit a very fake version of connor) and sort of standoffish when it comes to the subject of connor

a bit of an ambivert. extremely outgoing when she’s around her friends or when it comes to music and other things she loves.

very individualistic! her style tends to have doodles on her clothes, she dyes her hair a lot, she probably would be the kind of person to make her own jewelry!

very sweet. the castng call for zoe describes her as being the kind of person who learns the names of the kids who sit alone at lunch and thats she goes out of her way to be nice to people since. connor. yeah.

thats all ive got for zoe but u can always send questions in and i can say yes or no after i ask my pals too

alana:

smart gal! valedictorian! president! i love her! tends to overshare a bit. anxiety + depression gal.

probably into gardening tbh? i can see alana having succulents in her room and maybe a dog that just chills with her.

dont be afraid to make alana mouthy. alana is someone whos extremely headstrong in her actions imo and does what she believes is right, even if others dont believe that. like… think about the fact that she literally published what was believed to be connor’s suicide note because she thought it’d get them the last bit of help they needed for the orchard. it literally fucked the murphys over - but she never considered that?

very much an extrovert. just really wants to belong, man. very optimistic on the surface but i can see her being a little less so underneath. she looks on the bright side because if she doesnt, she doesnt know who will and idk i dont think alana’s the kind of person who just... lets that risk be there.

connor:

we dont kno much abt connor in canon but uhhh…. i can see connor as being a loner, sort of aggressive by accident (tbh this dude’s probably used to people being a dick to him so he’s just sorta standoffish in response) but like… whenever i write connor i usually write him as getting better? he’s gotten the help he needs and he’s doin better 

artsy depressed dude. poetry, painting, ect - whatever u want tbh. i just see connor, with help, finding himself in art or something creative (theatre and music included! u do u!)

very much a reader. this dude both has a lot of books on his bookshelf and a lot more books he hasnt fucking read because hes terrible at reading new books. (i personally hc he loves all of poe’s work)

to sorta sum connor up: bold, but not outgoing. caring, but not obvious with it (once he gets help btw). easily angered but sometimes he just doesn’t fucking know why and that frustrates him further. troubled.

honestly if u want to see one of my fave connors - check out @ask-sincerely-memes​! i rly love how they portray all three of the boys, but connor is by far my favorite! (mod con and/or mod ev if u read this i love u)

OK ONTO THE BMC FUCKERS if you want to kno abt the adults for either show then feel free to ask

jeremy:

anxiety boy, but not evan hansen level of anxiety. more just… self deprecating, not super confident in himself, probably underestimates himself a lot.

jeremys hard to explain sometimes because a lot of his actions and dialogue comes naturally since i can actually relate to jeremy a lot, personality-wise? a really good fact to throw out there is i don’t think jeremy’s the kind of guy who just goes for stuff sometimes. he has to sorta be hyped up by others imo. michael motivated him to sign up for the play, rich and michael both played parts in getting him squipped (michael in the aspect of “lets check this out and see if its legit” bc i doubt jeremy would have genuinely done that on his own).

which really means jeremy isnt the kind of guy to just… confess things, unless it’s built up enough (i.e. jeremys confrontation w reader in unlonely since it was a conversation he’d been thinking about for a bit). in canon, he didnt really… confess to christine without the help of alcohol (at the halloween party) or without other people building him up (voices in my head). 

im literally rereading jeremy fics rn because im trying to come up with a good way of describing him

extremely horny teenage boy. hormones suck. for anyone who writes nsfw: i dont see jeremy being incredibly kinky and sexual and dominant (god forbid) his first fucking time having sex. especially if its both him and the readers first time. sex can be clumsy. you can laugh during sex. but also sex smells. like… once you’ve smelled it, you fucking know it - its just a weird combo of sweat and bodily fluids. 

that last part was just a PSA for ppl.

lightweight boy. a lot bolder when drunk. thank you.

honestly if u have any questions abt jeremy, i can try to answer them more specifically but this is as general as i can get.

michael

not an uwu anxious depressed innocent baby boy uwu. remember that michael literally withheld the mtn dew red from jeremy because he wanted an apology. remember that michael wouldnt have been squipped because michael had been completely comfortable with who he is. michael likes his place. he doesn’t want to be cool and popular - he likes who he is. michael in the bathroom was a peak moment of michael finally letting go of emotions he’d been withholding - jeremy calling him a “loser” was the final straw that broke him. thank u this has been a psa.

a goofy boy. probably snorts when he laughs and im not projecting there what are you talking about-

okay, canonically: likes video games, likes retro shit (probably the kind of nerd who LIVES for arcades and record stores and vintage clothing stores even if he doesnt mix that into his personal style), very into music. there’s a lot you can do with this! 

imo he’s very caring? like. okay, yes he did withhold mtn dew red from jeremy - but michael still went through the trouble of finding and obtaining that in order to deactivate the squip. i think michael’s a fairly understanding dude, even if he has moments of anger.

just a very warm person. probably the kind of person who stops and makes sure people are okay when he notices they’re upset.

sometimes impulsive. sometimes very restless, imo. bouncy boy. 

like w jeremy - you can absolutely send me questions abt michael (or anyone tbh!) and i’ll answer them the best i can! im by no means an expert but ive got pals i can bother in order to help get a solid answer :3

christine

chriiistiiiiiiiiine, the love of my life. a gal w ADD! please don’t forget that! i personally hc that she got into a theatre as a way of like… sort of getting energy out since she’s fairly restless??? track girl christine….. also good

loves herself a lot tbh! like. in the show, its canon that she has stuff to figure out but i personally think christine loves herself and her body and is proud of who she is?

very friendly, very open, very passionate abt theatre! these are basic facts lmao

very sweet! very smart! she’s like... The Girl in all the movies that everyones like “oh no i love her” bc shes just a bubbly gal

writing christine is really hard to describe sometimes. like with all the characters, i write what feels right and sounds right to me and to others.

but like... to be honest, as long as you stay a bit happy and supportive and loving with christine - you’re on the right track.

jake

god - one of my favorite boys to write sometimes because there’s a lot to do with jake’s character

he’s the ultimate cool dude in high school. probably the kind of dude who would join a frat in college. handsome, popular, flirtatious - you fucking name it man.

sorta effortlessly popular and cool. there’s problems underneath - considering his family - but it’s hard to see that he has flaws when everything just comes so easily to him.

a very caring and sweet dude tbh. his friends mean a lot to him and he’s the kind of boy who carries your books and asks where you’re going and how you’re doing

he makes mistakes. he gets aggressive and protective and just angry physically - he did try to attack jeremy, albeit drunk, based purely on the idea that jeremy was having sex w chloe - so like... that’s a good thing to acknowledge

i said hes flirtatious and he is - without realizing it. someone probably has called him out on it and he’s like “sorry what?” bc he was caught up in talking to someone and not realizing that the dillinger charm never went off. because it never goes off. rip.

rich

GOD, my FAVORITE BOY, the LOVE OF MY LIFE, i love him.

squipped: aggressive. a bully. stinky. 0/10.

post-squipcident: getting better. sorta numb at first before happy, outgoing rich resurfaces because He’s Fine! Do Not Worry! but y’know like... he definitely has a lot of problems with what he did and who he was while he had the squip

a bit sensitive imo. easily upset on certain topics, easily angered on others. really misses his mom (i hc she died and his dad took up drinking as a coping mechanism and its mainly rich and his older brother relying on each other but thats just me tbh.)

rich is tricky to write when it comes to his home life. while i see rich’s dad as being a loud drunk, others see him as being physically abusive and so forth and - okay, that’s your decision, but please make sure you’re being respectful and you post trigger warnings because some people are in abusive homes and it’s not a fun thing to read. 

great sense of humor imo. flirtatious but in the more obvious “haha hey lets bone ;)” way. alternatively: flirtatious with squip, floundering a bit without it because all he knows is “haha hey wanna fuck” 

would probably fight a dick for his pals. rly just loves his friends even if he doesn’t show it.

chloe

chloe is a bit hard to write without saying “shes kind of a bitch” but like... she is and she knows it and she fucking owns it.

casting call: “ confident, crass, sexy, manipulative, and downright mean at times”

so like. she’s nowhere near bein a sweet angel baby uwu

has problems. explore them. she literally was down to fuck brooke’s boyfriend since jeremy was dating brooke yknow. part of it could be alcohol but like... dont ignore that fact. like. she probs needs to talk to both brooke and jeremy.

i think of chloe as someone who can see the potential in others tbh. gets slightly annoyed when people arent achieving what they could - but i like to imagine she gets it after a while since some ppl dont have confidence and such. 

yknow the kind of people that take charge when the situation calls for it? that’s chloe. she’s very much a leader. cunning, ambitious - she’s fucking ready.

brooke

more of an angel i guess? sweet, a bit insecure, and a little more caring. not very dominant in situations - tends to be more of a follower (as shown w her and chloe’s friendship)

very caring actually. she literally followed jeremy out and said “uhhh he was kind of a dick to women but i know u like eminem” upon his death in the show??? like??? she literally went to check on this boy.

imo she sorta needs to learn to be bolder. to not take shit. shes probably the kind of person who says yes to a lot of things even if they’re conflicting bc she doesn’t want to like... bother someone and make things worse

emotional, imo. fairly feminine.

its hard to keep describing sdfkjhds sorry

jenna

not popular. remember that she wanted people to be interested in her, which is why she gossips a lot

probably tends to overhear half of the gossip. other than that, i can see her easily finding shit out bc she has eyes Everywhere

bold, fairly extroverted, probably really fucking smart tbh. give her love. she deserves it.

thats both at me and everyone else. jenna rolan ily...

very much a big sister figure, post-squipcident. theres this kdrama i was watching where the main protag lives w a couple other girls and one of the oldest one of the bunch is very much a big sister figure that will call other people out on their bullshit because she knows protag isnt the kind of person to do that? thats jenna. and chloe, but mostly jenna.

probably the kind of person who wants to be helpful imo. she likes feeling useful.

[headstand-over-heels]

The Piece

Hey! This is my first story! I’m gonna try to get them weekly/biweekly, we’ll see what shakes out!

The Man sighed. He ran his hands back through his silver grey hair, which was just beginning to thin at the front. The perspiration under the bridge of his glasses was causing them to fall slightly down his red face. Hands on his hips, he sighed again, then paced around it, examining from every angle. The bell rang, for the third time, and finally he turned, slowly, to answer it. The grand oak door swung creakily, as though the hinges had not been used in a very long time. On his front marble step stood a girl, no older than twelve, staring not at him, but the massive entryway to the most expensive home she had ever seen. The man placed a hand on his hip, forced a smile, then cleared his throat.

“You selling cookies kid?”

“I-what?” the girl snapped back to attention, “Oh! No, sorry. I mean I’m sure I could get you cookies if you wanted. Uh, do you want me to get you cookies?”

“No I’m uh,” he looked around, clearly inexperienced at speaking to children, “What can I do for you?”

“Oh! Yes!” the girl stood straighter, then glanced at the clipboard in her arms, “I am writing a report for my art history class at George Sherman Middle School. My topic is influential heroes of art and art history. I would greatly appreciate if I could interview you in a fifteen minute segment.”

She finished reading off of her script, then looked up with wide eyes, expectantly. The man chuckled softly. He normally denied requests for interviews, but for some reason this girl was the most approachable reporter he had met yet.

“You know what? Sure. Yeah, sure. Come inside. What's your name?” The man asked.

“Catherine Eleanor Grace. Nice to meet you sir.” She held out her hand, and gave a surprisingly brisk handshake.

“Never met anyone with three first names. Call me Oliver.” He held the door open for her as she stepped inside.

Catherine heard her school shoes click on the hardwood of the massive entryway. She had to crane her neck to see the top of the gigantic window on the opposite side. Two spiraling staircase met above a large stone statue, a man in a sitting position, with his arm resting on his knee and his chin in his hand.

“Is that the real one?”

“That?” Oliver motioned to the statue, “Not at all, it's much bigger. but for what it cost, it may as well have been. Of course, I don’t really have to worry about what things cost anymore.”

The man motioned her to a side room, with doors just as massive as the ones at the front of the house. Catherine entered, to find a library blanketed in orange light, and bookshelves that spanned to the ceiling, in rows that she could not see the end of.

“Wow, every book in the world must be in here.”

“You’re joking, but pretty much. The library of congress is actually second to my collection. Here, hop on.”

The man sat behind the wheel of a small golf cart, with plush cushioned seats. The only sound in the place was the whirr of the electric engine, magnified by the echo effect of the massive room. They drove for a long time, passing shelf after shelf of alphabetized books, until finally reaching the O section, and taking a sharp left. Here he stopped and got out, and led the girl to a door laid into the middle of a shelf. He took a small key out of his pocket, and unlocked.

Compared to the majesty of the rest of the house, this room was unimpressive. The door was normal, average even. The interior held just one bookshelf, a couch and some slightly uncomfortable looking chairs. The only light came from a fireplace, and some candles on the table. The girl sat and sank into the couch. Oliver sat across from her, for the first time in a long time feeling a little out of his depth with the situation. She wasted no time, and pulled her clipboard out of her school bag again. She cleared her throat, and without looking at him, began to ask.

“What inspires you to make art?”

“Oh,” he paused, “Uhh, well I mean, I haven’t made art in a long time. I don’t really think anyone has. I mean, what would the point even be?”

“What do you mean by that? Do you think art isn’t worth making?”

“Of course. Well,” he paused again, “I used to. I used to think that.”

“Why?”

“Well, ok. Take into account what I’ve made. It is, by all accounts, the greatest piece of art ever made. Coming off of that, why try to make anything else? Why would I, or anyone else, try to make anything better? I know I can’t. Art is a dying industry. Sure, big boom of inspiration right after I was discovered, but now? No one tries, isn’t worth the time or money.”

“Ok,” she looked down again, reading off of her script, “What’s it like being the richest person in the world?”

“Honestly? Lonely.”

“How so?”

“I didn’t-,” he paused, running his hand through his hair. This was more difficult than he had anticipated, “I guess, I just didn’t...try after I was discovered. Like, sure I went to great parties, and made millions every day but eventually, I guess I just...lost my passion. There was nothing left to do. More and more often, I just ended up spending days on end, in here. Days turned to weeks, turned to months.”

He paused.

“It’s easy to be alone,” he continued, “Seeing people is hard. Interacting with a world that you don’t see joy in anymore is really [] hard. At this point, even the service staff only come at night. It’s much easier to be here, alone, with my books.”

“Hmm,” the girl sat, pencil to her lips, “Thats sad. When do you think things changed, then?”

“The very instant I finished my project,” he responded pointedly

“What was that day like?.”

“I was working off of a grant, at a university I taught at. It was really a freeform thing, I had been working for weeks. I didn’t really think anything of it until I finished. That first step back...I was the first person in the world to see that thing.”

“And how did that feel?”

“Horrible. Absolutely horrible. When I first saw my project, I saw a vision of the future. I’m sure you’ve heard lots of people say they’ve had visions looking at it, but they’re wrong. They all say they saw heaven in the most beautiful object on earth, or a uniting world peace,” He chuckled for a moment, “They’re wrong. Because I know the truth, I know what really lies in that thing. I first looked on it, and I saw the end, the end of creativity, and the human spirit. There was no reason to continue on now. I wept with the rest of them when they first laid eyes on it, but not for the same reasons. They didn’t see what I see, they still don’t.”

“Is it still happening?”

“Of course, even now. Haven’t you seen it? The world is moving slower. Theres no more war, nothing to fight for. You could say thats a good thing, but its for the wrong reasons. Theres no passion, love is less emotional, society isn’t worth the work anymore. Haven’t you noticed, even the sky seems less blue?”

Catherine looked up from furiously scratching on her notepad. Olivers face was red, and a tear fell that he attempted to wipe away.. She did not react, but instead stood, and parted the thick velvet curtains covering a side window in the room. Peering outside, she saw a lush green lawn, covered in flowers. The clouds drifted lazily overhead, and a bird sang a weak song.

“Do you think,” she asked, still looking out the window, “that you’ve done something bad?”

Oliver stared at her, tears still filling his eyes.

“Yes. I believe this is the end of the world.”

She looked out, over the green gardens, peering towards a small circle of flowers. They surrounded a short headstone sticking out of the dirt, which she could barely read from this angle.

“Is that your wife?”

“Daughter,” he sniffed, not looking up, “It’s funny, the project was actually for her. Inspired by her. She would have been nineteen this year. She saw it too, the things I saw in that thing. She was actually the second person to see it, and she knew too. She said she was proud of me. The next day we found that she had gotten up early, and walked through five lanes of traffic.”

“What was her name?” Catherine asked, turning her head to face him, sadly

“Eleanor,” Oliver responded, “I haven’t….talked about Lenore in years. No ones asked.”

“Well, maybe they’d ask if you let them.”

She turned back to the couch, and gathered her clipboard and bag. Oliver did not look up at her, just stared at the carpeted floor. She paced to the door, then, thinking over it, ran back, and thrust her hand out in his direction.

“Thank you for your time sir,” she was reading off of the clipboard again, “You will be hearing from administration at George Sherman Middle in three to six weeks regarding the report about this interview. If you would like further information, please contact our email, Thank you very much, have a nice day.”

He raised his head, and they shook hands, very professionally.

“Catherine?” Oliver asked, “Do you think you’ll ever be around here again?”

“Maybe. Depends. I might need your email to contact you about further details of the project.”

“I think that could be arranged,” He took a cocktail napkin from the table, and a pen from his breast pocket, “There. You’re all set.”

“Excellent. I do believe you will be hearing from us again.”

Catherine strode out of the room, and into the massive library. Oliver did not follow. Her heels clicked on the hardwood. She didn’t notice it before, but the echo reverberated around the room and into your ears. It was an isolating effect, making the room feel cold and harsh. Cathy pulled the strap of her bag higher on her shoulder and quickened her pace. She had a long ways to walk

[kawaiibeela]

2017 in review... i guess?

so i guess im gonna do this lol... its not really a review of my year but i will talk about a few major personal things over the past few months that happened to me, LONG LONG LONGGGGG POST UNDER THE CUT

a lot of people complained about 2017 being a shitty year, a continuation for 2016..... and i thought it would be too.... and thats how it started.... i was stuck in a crappy job for 6 years.... i wanted to leave so badly but i was also scared.... scared that what if i couldn’t find anything else? scared in my skills as a graphic designer.... i hated all my work and everything i produced from that job, i got comfortable at this job.... i could come and go as i pleased, i could take any day off i wanted.... but they were toxic people, they judged me very hard for liking the things i did, they were very negative about everything, they forced stuff on me that wasn’t part of my job, they made me feel very awkward, they would make “comments” about my religion when it didn’t fit their needs...it was very uncomfortable at times.... i would just lie to myself and to other people when asked “how’s work going?” i would say “not bad, its pretty good, i’m doing some fun events” but i was slowly drowning inside.... my parents and close friends would always tell me “you need to quit!!! just quit!!! find something better!! you’re better than this place” but i never believed it..... i never believed them..... when i should have been listening to them....

i started to tell myself, this is enough.... i cant deal with this place any more.... i started to work on my portfolio website.... but i hated it..... i hated everything about it..... everything in there just reminded me of my old shitty job that i hated... all this effort put into something that i hated... because i was forced to do what the clients wanted, it was frustrating!!

a few years ago, i went to this graphic design conference that was meant to help people find jobs, i went to a portfolio review and all 3 reviewers told me the same thing, the work i put in seem forced and not my style, they said to add stuff i was passionate about and stuff that i enjoyed and my work would speak for itself, every person that i showed my arashi posters too, said it was my strongest piece.... i should use that piece for sure!!

that helped me get a sense of what i wanted!! i deleted everything from my old portfolio site, except my logo which i actually still love, i kept 1 project from my old job which was the biggest and most challenging one i worked on to show that i have real life experience.

i decided to develop my arashi project into a full campaign, i added more pieces, i designed more stuff, for the fun of it.... every weekend for a while in the spring and summer, my friends and i were meeting up at cafes to help focus on stuff, i got a lottttt done there!!! i wanted to focus on stuff that was important to me, fandoms!! duh!! arashi of course, kiramune which had recently at the time become my new loves, and oldcodex!!! i decided to try and make designs based on them for fun!! i took kirafes 2017′s design and I remade it for myself, i imagined how i wanted the goods to look, i imagined how i wanted the posters to look, the pamphlet, and it took forever, but it was fun, it was frustrating but it was rewarding to come up with something i was proud of!! something i was happy about!! something that when i talked about it, i could explain what i wanted to and why i did certain things. 

for the oldcodex stuff, i made an editorial piece, i wanted to reflect their personalities so i just kept trying different things until i was happy!! in the end it came out really great and i was able to do that piece pretty fast as well too!!

i also kept in my portfolio parts of a magazine that i had worked on.... but i wasnt happy with a lot of parts of that magazine too... so i made my own pages to “add in” about the olympics and they came out really nice!!

i was confident in my portfolio for once.... it took months and months of work.... but i was happy about it... i was proud of it.... i was excited about it.... but...... i was scared..... scared i wasnt ready for the next step.... what if i put all this effort into it and im still not good enough? how will i feel then? i also hate going to interviews because of my anxiety as well too....

but finally around the beginning of September, i was actually able to 100% complete my portfolio, my business cards and resumes were also complete...

and i was scrolling down on facebook... and one of my old friends posted something..... we were really close during college, we took graphic design together but as the semesters went on, we drifted apart as well too... it had been probably like 4-5 years since i’d ever talked to her even.... but she posted “looking for a junior graphic designer for a 3 month contract” and i kinda looked at that for a while... i messaged one of my friends about it and said “hmmmm...... my friend just posted this.... what should i do?” and she told me “just message your friend and apply!!! just do it” she gave me that push because she knew how much i hated my current job too!! 

so i messaged my friend and asked her if she could submit my resume to HR.... and she did.... that was on friday.... i was scared.... and nervous.....but then... on a tuesday after work..... my phone rang and i got a call from the company..... its a photography company here in Toronto that has locations across Canada. they wanted me in for an interview.... a what??? wait what??? an interview???? they said they looked at my portfolio and were interested....... ehhhhh??? i was in shock..... but i was so happy too!! but scared..... the last interview i went on was like 2-3 years ago and it went pretty bad......... so i had no idea how this one would go..... the HR person was really nice though... she had told me that i would be interviewed by herself, the marketing manager and the art director.... i was scared as hell..... she gave me their names so i looked them up.... the art director........ he was so good..... his website was so nice!!! i started to lose confidence again but, its funny.... he was japanese.... i thought “oh crap, what if he tries to read parts of my portfolio?” i had used japanese interviews in my kiramune project but i couldnt find stuff for each member so i just copied and pasted, i thought “hes gonna know im just making stuff up” LOL I just kept thinking of useless thoughts in my head..... but i thought.... whatever.... im just gonna do it...... my interview was on thursday, i had called my old job and told them i couldnt work that day and they said it was fine because it was a really slow time... i obviously didnt tell them i was going for a job interview.... but i went anyways, i got there really early so i just sat somewhere and went over stuff i had planned for my interview, i had written stuff down in my journal and was gonna use that as a guideline for when they asked me questions, they asked some things similar to what i had planned but they asked some different stuff too... they were so nice.... throughout the interview they had kept complimenting my stuff, they said everything flowed very nicely and they really liked me work, they had asked me how i got interested in design and i answered the most face palming thing.... i mentioned anime... and i said i used to watch anime and pokemon as a kid and i dreamt of being an animator in japan and then i was like “oh no.... i didnt just tell them im a weeb did it?” and i was like “oh god, my life is over” haha i felt really embarassed ahaha oops LOL but then they were also really impressed by that answer too.... they asked if i had any retail experience and i told them i had experience working at this amusement park after high school too and it helped me deal with customers and stuff too... this was a job i had from like 10 years ago or something, it wasnt even on my resume any more, is just one of those jobs u get to make money.... like..... i thought nothing of it..... but they were SO EXCITED about it when i told them, they were like “wow!!! thats so great!!” they seemed so intrigued in everything i said!! the HR person was like “you seem very energetic!!” and i was like really happy!! no one really compliments me or my work usually haha XD 

towards the end of the interview, they asked if i had any questions for them and i asked them 2 questions and they seemed really impressed too!! haha they were like “those are great questions” haha 

at the end of the interview, i asked for their business cards so i could email them and thank them for taking time to interview me. they thanked me and the HR person said she’d be in touch the next few days

after the interview, i messaged my friend who had helped send in my resume and she said “just between you and me, they came upstairs and i think they really like you” omggg i felt sooo happy haha

on the way home, i remember getting really lost LOL it took me almost like 3 hours to get home i think XD i ended up finding a small japanese store that i bought a bunch of stuff from ahaha

so... i waited the weekend..... it was monday.... and i didnt hear from them.... tuesday went by and i didnt hear anything, i thought i must not have gotten the job, but then wednesday again, i got an email from the HR person, asking if i could email her 2-3 references... which i had none... so i asked 2 of my old coworkers from different jobs and they replied right away too because they also knew i hated my current job ahah so i sent my references and then on thursday while i was at work... i got a call from the HR person saying “i called both of your refernces and they both said wonderful things about you so we would like to offer you the 3 month contract position” like OMGGGG i almost screamed of joy!!! i was jumping up and down outside the office haha XD 

i told this job that i would need 1 week to give my old job a heads up tho, so i could start on the following wednesday

but then i got scared again, i had to tell my current job i was quitting... i mustered up the courage and just told my one boss first, she was so happy for me, she gave me a hug and she wished me all the best too!! but then i had to tell the owner of the company and his wife, theyre both assholes so i didnt wanna tell them, but my 1 coworker helped me figure out how to tell them.... so i told them and they were unhappy but i told them id help for 1 last event (until the end of october) they appreciated that at least 

so that following tuesday was my last day being in office at that crappy job i hated!!! i literally left there SKIPPING with a HUGGGEEE grin on my face!! i would never have to go back to that horrible place again!!! omg i was soooo happy!!!!

im getting tired of writing all this now LOL so im gonna fast forward a bit, but the new job was amazing, people there loved me and they were so appreciative of me, it was a huge 360 turn!! 

i was working at this new place but then in the evenings id help at my old job by working from home, that was horrible, i couldnt deal.... after that last job at my old work was done, i told them i couldnt help out any more and theyd have to find a new designer.... after 6 years of working there.... 6 FRIKKEN YEARS!!!!!! i told them i was probably going to have my contract extended and i told her i was so excited and she messaged back saying “thats not good for us but anyway congrats” like WTF BITCH!!! I HELPED YOU OUT SO MUCH!! I WAS SO NICE TO YOU!!! GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE!!! I CANT EVEN WITH YOU!! LIKE OMG!!! i told her id send her files that i worked on and she replied 2 days later that she’ll download them later my last message to her was just “k” i was SO FUCKING DONE!!!! I HATE HER SO MUCH!!!

ANYYYYYYYWAYYYSSSSSSS...... fast forward another few weeks?months? my manager told me that she was able to get me to job full time..... FULL FUCKING TIME........ this was my first EVER full time job that related to my career, the old crappy one was never full time.... this is the first one ive had thats full time and ill get benefits and vacation and everything!! like OH. MY. GOD. i left work SOOOOOO happy!!! i actually CRIEDDDDD tears of joy!!! i couldnt believe it!!! i cant believe it!!! like omg!!! they all congratulated me!!! they were so proud of me!!! i was proud of me!!! i told my parents and i think for the first time in mine and their life, THEY were proud of me!!!! like it was amazinnnnggg!!! its still amazing!!!! we had a work lunch party and my manager was like “id like to take this time to officially tell you all that Nabeela is now full time with us” and they all raised their glasses and cheered to that too!!! like OMGGGG I WAS SO HAPPY!! (also hella embarassed since im still awkward af!!) but SO SO HAPPY!!!!

HONESTLY GUYS...... i am 30 years old now..... 30........ its NEVER too late..... nothing in life is set in stone..... no matter how 1 person does things, doesnt mean you have to be like them too....you can always do things at your own pace!!! sometimes things dont go as you imagine them but things WILL AND DO get better!!! things will be alright in the end!!! thats how i ended my 2017 and started my life as a 30 year old obaa-chan XD 

theres a lot of goals and things id like to work on for 2018 but i hope 2018 will even better for me and all my friends, family and followers!!!

if any of you actually got through all of this, then im so sorry and also thank you so much for reading LOL to all my friends who supported me through this hard moment in my life, thank you very much!! 

if any of you are curious about my portfolio, you can check it out at www.nabeelahamid.com ^__________^ thankssss!!! if any of you guys are designers too, tips or positive criticism is always welcome too!!

to all of my friends and followers who are already in 2018, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND I WISH NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR ALL OF YOU!!!!! and to those still in 2017 like me, lets bring in the new years together!!!

[kpop-drabble]

SEVENTEEN AS DADS

Vernon - The “Cool” Dad - always attempting to be your friend more than a father figure, attempts to get their child to spill the latest ‘gosp’ - “dad what the hell is gosp” “its teenage lingo for gossip, i keep up with you youngsters” - cue eye rolling - he’s incredibly chill about nearly everything and allows them to do whatevee they want, for the most part. - the only restriction is that it can’t be illegal - and if it is he told them to lie about who their father was. - all their friends are jealous over how ‘cool’ of a dad their have, no matter how many times they tell them how uncool he truly is he has everyone tricked that he’s some super dad

Soonyoung - The Embarrassing Dad - insists on making their kids lunch one time and puts an embarrassing “have a good day love you -Dad” in the bag without warning. - all their friends cooed and haven’t let them live it down since. - he’s the type to make embarrassingly bad dad jokes when talking to others and then looks over at their kid for a reaction - a pitiful thumbs up and embarrassed smile is the best kind of reaction that he’s looking for - constantly trying to talk to their kids friends when they’re over - “why doesn’t that one friend come over anymore?” “because you broke out the baby pictures last time and i would rather not relive your hour ling stories about the past, and neither would she”

Seungkwan - The emotional dad - constantly crying - oh my god their kids have never seen a grown man cry so much in their lives - always reminiscing about their kids past and getting emotional about how big they’ve gotten - at every graduation that the child has lives through theres always friends that make comment about his screaming once you get on stage - every picture you have to commemorate this moment has a very red eyed blotchy faced Seungkwan, their child always looks less than impressed. - it’s nice to have a dad so passionate about their child but sometimes you just need someone that wont cry because you’ve made your first purchase with your own money that you made from your first job

Seokmin - The Scrapbooking Dad - always insisting on taking pictures - it doesnt matter the occasion, it doesn’t matter how relevant any of it is, he wants a picture and he wants it now. - his kids could make those “365 pictures throughout the year” collage videos you find on the internet dating back to their toddler years just from how many pictures Seokmin had taken. - he has a bookcase full of scrapbooks hes made - he takes the time to decorate them, with pretty stickers and dates each picture with a short description of each. - its not just a picture book, its a life story showcasing every little insignificant thing that his kids have accomplished since birth. - “dad, can we please take that picture of me on the potty off?” “no, its the first time you took a shit and i didn’t have to clean a diaper, it’s staying for memory sake”

Seungcheol - Over protective dad - they cab only have a phone because he insists on using the find your friends app when his kids go out just to make sure that if anything happens he could always find their kid and help out - if they’re one minute past curfew expect said phone to be blown up with questions about where they are. - “you were suppose to be home at 10:00 its now 10:02, i checked traffic and it is light so there isnt any excuse” - is protective and inforces his rules but isn’t terribly rude and would never actually punish his kids (he’s too soft, but ultimatey just wants the best for them) - interogates any significant other that their child brings home, and as they protest in embarassment he simply says hes making sure to rule out any one not worthy of their time. - always has their best interests in mind though they may not realize it until they’re much older - probably has a bat near his bed so if needed he could protect them from anything and anyone who trys to hurt their kid

Jeonghan - The Charming Dad - all their kids friends are completely endeared by him - they’ve heard the word DILF to describe him one too many times that its starting to take some effect on their mental wellbeing - he’s able to talk himself out of many things and their kids have had to sit by idly as they watched their dad talk up another worker to attempt to get some sort of discount - probably has pictures of the family around the house solely to show off how attractive all of them are when guest comes over - he’s ultimately very proud of how beautiful his family has come out, and wants the world to know about how absurdly beautiful they are compared to other families. - its not opinion its Fact.

Jihoon - Passive but Encouraging Dad - not very good at showing how much they love their kids but try their very hardest without having to say directly that he loves them - shows he cares by encouraging their dreams and never tries to hold them back from their dreams - he may not be very involved in their kids lifes but when they come to him with something they claim to be passionate about he’s suddenly #1 dad. - he’ll always be the first to encourage them to chase after whatever they want - and even if they drop it after a couple weeks because it wasn’t exactly the right fit Jihoon will accept it and continue to support them through any other projects they wished to pursue. - their kids know that he loves them through those kind of actions.

Mingyu - The Expirmentive Dad - always trying out new recipes for dinner - his kids have started becoming wary after the his few failed attempts and know to prepare something to eat afterwards just incase his experiment doesnt work out in his favour - never follows a reciepe - “dad it said a tea spoon not a cup” “it’s better this way, just trust me.” - it was not better this way. - he tries his very hardest to make good dishes for his family and sometimes they actually turn out decent. - and when they dont, no matter if mingyu himself knows it wasn’t the best, his kids say it was good while only eating a couple bites of it - he’s grateful that they eat the prepared foods somewhere that hes not (sometimes he goes to their room and they share their snacks with him, but thats only when he’s failed terribly and hes gone desperate)

Chan - The Involved dad - Their child is apart of a school club? he’ll be apart of it just as much. - “Do you guys want me to make snacks?” “Dad its not necessary-” “i’ll pack snacks.” - always insists on going to parent teacher night to talk with each of their kids teacher one on one, he doesnt do it because he thinks his kids are miss behaving just solely for the opprotunity to be apart of their kids lifes just that much more - was their kids soccer couch for most of their junior soccer days, but when their kids approached them about joining a different team he unwillingly allowed them to do so to allow them to be happy - he still attenda each game and became the most embarrassing side line dad at the game - “signs are necessary” chan ignores their kids as he pours another large amount of glitter onto the atrocious sign with his kids name and number on it.

Junhui - The Teasing Dad - constantly making jokes about their kid, it mostly happens when they have friends over or when theyre at a family get together - some how always managing to make their child the center of attention at the family dinners, each family member taking turns to tease his kid. - he definitely does not attempt to stop it because he was the one that started it and seeing his kids get all embarrassed is kind of a highlight to being a father. - Is probably always trying to get a hug or affection from their child especially when friends are around just to embarrass them that much more - He doesn’t mind being rejected in front of all their friends when he goes in for a hug, because the embarrassed hiden smile that his kid has when they turn back to apologize to their friend is enough of a reward

Jisoo - The Overly-Loving Father - he’s wanted to be a dad since he was a child and now that he’s able to do so he doesnt waste any opprotunity to remind his kid about how much he loves them - sometimes he shows his love in materialistic manners - he buys they loads of gifts for every special occasion and still insists on making them do an easter chocolate egg hunt well into their teenage years - he gets really creative when it comes to things like this so their child doesnt really mind, the chocolate is always a bonus - is always trying to get family outings to be a thing and his favourite holiday is family day. Definitely family day because he can use it as an excuse to force his kids to spend time with him.

Wonwoo - The helpful dad - the stereotype that dads are suppose to be good at physical labour such as fixing cars and doing sports falls short when it comes to wonwoo - he couldn’t necessarily fix their car if they asked him to but he could help them ace their  physics exam - and if they didn’t wish to read a book that was assigned for english, he’s probably already read it front to back more than once and is more than willing to help them out - he’s not too anal about good grades but encourages them to try their hardest - they’ve probably had to sit through a small half hearted lecture about genuinely putting their best into things when Wonwoo feels like their grades are slipping

Minghao - The “I didn’t sign up for this” Dad - never really meant to become a dad but it ??? sort of happened and he enjoys it he just was never ready to become one - therefore he really doesn’t know what to do. - during toddler years he’d make any excuse not to be alone with the baby for too long, too frighten that he’d mess it up so severly that he usually calls over his mom to help out - he’s gotten better over the years but still doesn’t properly know how to dad - tries more to be a friend than a dad - whenever their child is in trouble, lets the other parent do the scolding and then retreats up to their childs bedroom with a bowl of icecream to try and make amends better. -he’s sort of getting the hang of things but their kids highly doubt he ever fully will know what being a parent consists of. - but thats okay, he’s trying his very best.

[chloewildlifestyle]

Communications

I got so caught up in them I totally forgot to explain my communications. I didn’t have enough words to justify everything in the launch pack but I’m so proud of what I came up with. I always try my best to push the boat out and think outside the box for comms as its always my favourite part of the project. I even put them in our first ever report in first year. I’m sooo passionate about them. 

The email marketing I mentioned in my routes to market, I based off my survey. 70% of respondents stated they sign up to email marketing (see appendix, fig 3) and when asked how often they would like to be emailed 46% the highest amount said once a week (See appendix, fig 4) so thats what I went for.  

My comms are split into 4 phases. I did this because for my ASICS project I tried to list things month by month and fill each month.This ended up being really messy and not making sense at all because it was all jumbled together. I’ve learnt my lesson and found the 12 month critical path a much better way to explain little things happening each month rather than rambling on about how often YouTube videos would be uploaded etc. 

In phase one I explain my rooms. With the brand and designs being based around alternative worlds I wanted to create my own. I knew people liked that sort of thing and straight away thought about Harry Potter houses. I’ve never seen Harry Potter- I know its weird but its just really not my thing. However, even though I’ve never seen a single film I know I’m a hufflepuff because i took that test online. I have no idea which characters belong to hufflepuff but for some reason it makes me feel weirdly special and I like telling people. I realised that I liked and enjoyed being in this imaginary school house at 21 (how embarrassing like grow up chlo) because its like the test knew me. It was personal and fun and a little bit magic. I researched similar fandoms and what behaviours and things they did and displayed but kept coming back to Harry Potter. I know. Fashion brand comms inspired by a nerdy childrens film, so random. So I created 3 rooms within my fashion house (which I thought was clever and suited my tone of voice with a play on words), with a personality test which took me AGES to make, that assigned you to a room based on things you liked and picked. I got my friends to do it and immediately noticed it created a weird hype. All of my friends, adults, in their 20s, who aren’t even weird like pretty cool girls, were excited about my little personality test that gave them a room which they then wanted to know more about. So I created playlists and aesthetic boards and showed them and they were all so happy and sending it to their friends because it was fun. I was so so so so proud of this. Like really proud of this little concept that I’ve never seen a fashion brand do. I decided to come up with different things that could be personal for each house (playlists and aesthetic boards). I then started to think about proper exclusive clubs and how being on someones private story also makes me feel good. I looked into it and it’s a trend. Like I’m sorry but someone up there was definitely looking over my brain power that day and filling me with ideas. Private stories and groups for consumers is slowly a growing concept because they feel closer to the brand so I added this idea into the mix as well. Each house to have highlights for everyone to see and also private stories for just them. I thought about how lovely these little communities would be and decided to put forums on my website. I went on to test all these ideas in a focus group which everyone loved. All free for me to create. With 67% of survey participants struggling to wind down (see appendix, fig 11), it also told me that these spaces to escape were essential and needed. 60% also said they would appreciate a brand that helped them escape  (see appendix, fig 12).

Moving onto phase two. Phase two consists of the my world campaign. I knew I wanted to created an emotional campaign because it really is one of the best ways to connect consumers. My brand is also something based around helping people cope. So it only felt right to be raw, authentic and real about it. The My world campaign pretty much came to me straight away. An insight into consumers world and what they do when they need to escape from it. This could be about anything, a disability, divorce absolutely anything. I think its important to remind consumers this is what we’re here for and you’re not alone. Especially in cases of mental health. We often forget what real mental health issues look like. The adverts on TV don’t cover the half of it and left me feeling so strange for years. Sometimes I still feel like nobody else really knows what goes on in my little brain. I NEVER want anyone to feel like that. Even thought this isn’t a real brand I wanted it to be based around what I’m passionate about and had to involve this campaign. 60% of those surveyed said emotional campaigns help them (See appendix, figure 10). This confirmed for me it was the right thing to do. It’s again free because it can all come from my consumers. The only thing that would cost is the influencers. 

Moving onto the influencers, I would only use 4. They’re so expensive and my designer was really specific on which ones she wanted. Although she wasn’t much help to me I’m still trying to stick as closely as i can to what she envisioned because I’m hoping this could help her future brand. She wanted Yara Shahidi and Cynthia Erivo- both big followings but I felt would really benefit our brand and appeal to or target audience and I chose WUZg00d and Sofia Coelho because I felt they would be more reasonable with pricing. 

i decided I wanted to email and reach out to stylists every month to elevate my chances on getting onto some sort of red carpet. People like Law Roach, Kate Young and Tom Erebout and Sandra Amador, etc. You don’t ask you don’t get. Reaching out to these people and updating them on my brand and promoting it puts my brand in their mind. 

For phase three I thought back to the most popular social media platforms I researched last term and thought of YouTube. It’s in the top three most popular platforms for millennials and made sense to use it. I thought about transparency and my craftsmanship value and thought a YouTube series on how we make our garments and how to look after them would be engaging, interesting and educational. It also meant people would be less likely to ignore the big care label that comes with each piece. I also felt this was a good option on a budget. 

Finally phase four. Phase four is my favourite phase. At first I was hesitant to do a popup because I felt it was overdone and perhaps unrealistic. But then I heard someone say they wanted a popup in Selfridges in a seminar and felt that my tiny popup was totally realistic in comparison and I also looked at the past examples and they had similar scale ideas too. I even spoke to my stepdad whose had his own business and he told me I had to invest in something big to really get it going otherwise its just a website and some social media accounts. Which I totally agree with. The obvious option was a popup event for my 3 rooms. To dress the rooms like an alternative world which fit the theme of each room, because they all have their own personalities. Instantly I thought about follows and yellow tones in Serenity, disco balls and pink in Serenity and dark cool vibes in Oblivion. I was very excited again at the thought. I felt like online spaces only let you escape so far having an actual place you could go would be heaven. I’m hoping these popups lead to permanent stores with spaces eventually. I decided to just use tablets/ screens because then the rooms don’t need many members of staff and it would cut down my costings. It’s also a nicer environment than having staff looming over you. I feel like they’re instagramable, fun and fit perfectly. I feel like they’re a great step up. I asked respondents in the survey if they would benefit from a physical space to go and if they would visit and 70% said yes (see appendix, fig 6). I also asked how long they think it should stand which majority said 1 week (see appendix, fig 5). 70% also said this space they could visit would encourage them to purchase (see appendix fig 7), which was really positive to hear. 

I made a rough estimate based off my last assignments financials total this would cost me around £5500. Which I think as a start up brand that wants to move froward is a pretty good investment. I loved this part of the assignment and really hope you like what I came up with because I am so proud. 

Chloe xo

[itsworn]

A real-deal 1955 gasser that’s been there and done that

It’s unbearably hot at the aptly named Meltdown Drags in Byron, Illinois. It’s mid-summer and the July air feels like you’re wearing a backpack blast furnace aimed to discharge right down the nape of your neck. Luckily for all here at the show, cool rides are more than plentiful, and just that fact alone makes this “Meltdown” very bearable.

There are race cars of every denomination and brand here at Byron Dragway; many of them are jacked up, big power, straight-axle dragstrip freaks, ready to take on the nationwide competition. But there’s one in particular that immediately catches our eyes, and our ears.

Backing out of its rolling metal cell comes the Night Stalker, a gassed-up ’55 Chevy, complete with straight-axle, piloted by South Carolinian Greg Porter. You can tell this Bel Air is no newbie on the block; it’s got battle scars and enough rough edges to prove that it’s been around the tree, and down the pipe quite often. Those “beauty marks” are there from years on the road, doing what it was built to do; and doing it one dragstrip at a time.

Greg’s gasser is seeing a lot of action now, but there have been plenty of ups and downs in the life of this ’55 Chevy. Greg is just the third owner of this bare-bones Tri-Five, and personally knows the past owner and the history made by this well-used Chevy hardtop; a ride that never strayed far from its original home base in South Carolina.

Tales from the Strip A guy named John Lollis bought the Bel Air-trimmed Chevy hardtop new in 1955, and while the car still possessed its new car smell, it was turned into a race car. He ran it in the Southeast as a Stocker, with local legend Dude Moore of Piedmont, South Carolina, handling the driving duties. The car did well, and John continued to campaign it as a Stocker for the first eight years of its life. In 1963, John decided to sell the ’55, and Dude stepped up and purchased the car for himself. He then decided to do something a little bit different with the ride. He turned the hardtop into a gasser, running B/Gas and C/Gas up until 1970. The Tri-Five was never lettered up, and ran inconspicuously in the southern states under Dude’s command. “The car won everywhere we took it to as long as it didn’t break down,” states Dude. Tracks like Greer, Spartanburg, Ware Shoals, and Fort Shoals dragways were this Chevy’s favorite stomping grounds.

After Dude’s tenure with the Chevy, the car was decommissioned and put out to pasture. It sat from 1970 to 2005, and then was sold, shopped, and swapped around until it was bought by Dude’s son, who parked it out in the woods by his father’s house. There the hardtop would wait for the next chapter in the book of its life. Enter southern hot rodder Greg Porter.

Stalked and Found Greg was just 14 when he first met Dude, while the youngster was working at the Robins Tire Store in his hometown. Dude took care of the boss’ racer and was often seen in and around the store. The guys ran into each other once again many years later one night at a local car cruise-in. Their conversation soon turned to the old ’55 hardtop. Greg had seen it sitting in the woods and was interested in buying it. Luckily for him, Dude was interested in selling it … well, as long as it went to the right person. Greg had just started on a gasser project, but thought resurrecting Dude’s old ride was a better idea so he made an offer for the Chevy. Dude accepted it with one stipulation; Greg couldn’t sell it off. “I paid Dude $3,000 for that rusty thing; no engine or trans either. No one wanted to pull that thing out of the woods, not even for free,” laughs Greg. A week later the much-maligned ’55 was brought to Greg’s body shop in Greenville, South Carolina. Greg promised Dude the car would be returned to all its former glory, and Dude knew that Greg was just the guy to pull it off.

The car came with both a complete steel and fiberglass front clip. Another plus were two vintage magnesium 15×10 rims sitting in the trunk. Some of its ’60’s race era modifications were still present on the car, and Greg was going to make sure that they stayed as a permanent part of the reclaimed racer. The motor mounts, fiberglass buckets, ’30 Model A straight-axle, 2×3 tubing trailing arms, and sheetmetal modifications were all there, and Greg’s goal was to get it roadworthy and preserve its original dragstrip pedigree as much as possible.

  Since there was no powertrain with the car when Greg got it, new running gear had to be built. For the Night Stalker’s motorvation, Greg whipped up a rodder’s recipe of goodies. It starts with a small-block punched out to 434 cubes from Fulton Competition Race Engines in Spartanburg, South Carolina. The rotating assembly consists of a Scat forged crank, Oliver rods, and JR pistons. The cylinders are topped with Fulton 18-degree heads and the combo produces a hefty 14:1 compression. An Edelbrock tunnel-ram intake sits high on the block and is topped with a pair of 660-cfm Holleys. A custom-grind Isky cam gets the valves jumping in sync. Greg used a set of Toby Porter-built headers for that period-correct coolness; the pipes basted in hot orange heat resistant paint for added affect. An MSD ignition with a built-in rev limiter supplies the spark.

An original Moon tank supplies the go juice for this ’60’s time machine and a Griffin radiator keeps it all nice and cool; even in during those Southeast heatwaves. To top it all off, the engine was set back 16 inches for better weight distribution. This potent small-block combo is good for 900 hp at the rear wheels. A Hightower Racing Transmissions-built four-speed tranny with a Boninfante clutch gets this ride through the gears. A ’60 Ford 9-inch rear with a Moser chunk and axles sends the power out to the rear corners.

Dude’s original 15×10 American Racing magnesium wheels, shod in Mickey Thompson slicks, were reinstalled and put the power to the pavement. Up front, a pair of 15×3.5 magnesium wheels, covered in Mickey Thompson skinnies, help keep this ride pointed in the right direction. Wilwood brakes up front and Ford drum brakes out back help bring this 2,800-pound monster to a halt. For the straight-axle, Greg reused that ’30 Ford Model A front axle and wishbones the Chevy was wearing when he purchased it.

Period touches include Dude’s original pedal assembly in the cockpit, along with much of the custom sheetmetal. The yellow-tinted side glass was with the car when Greg got it and he added yellow-tinted plexi windows as well. The fiberglass buckets were also part of Dude’s racer, as were the 2×3-inch tube trailing arms. On the dash there is a permanent reminder of a bad day at the track in 1965, when the flywheel let loose and came through the dash. That must have been fairly exciting.

  The final touch was working on the exterior. The car was already green when he bought it, which was much to Greg’s liking. So he kept it, just cleaning up the body and touching up the crude green paint at his own body shop in Greenville. “Dude really wanted it painted nice and slick, but I liked the old green paint,” says Greg. Then local graphic artist Charles Tyre hand painted the lettering and Night Stalker graphics on the car. Many of the stickers are vintage items, and have been on the car since it was raced. It was Greg who came up with the Night Stalker moniker. “I always loved Frankenstein when I was a kid growing up and wanted to have that reference on the car. It helped that that car was green,” says Greg.

Period-Perfect Prowler Once the car was finished 10 weeks later, it was time for testing. “First outing I played with it on the street in front of the shop. It was kinda’ spooky on the road so I figured I better take it to the dragstrip,” says Greg. He also remembers that there wasn’t even another gasser around, and most people in the area didn’t even know what one was. “It really started a spark around here after a while. I always had a passion for the straight-axle,” he says.

Greg managed to get the gasser out to the Goodguys show in Charlotte a few weeks later where it scored two awards. “I called Dude from the show and told him I won the awards, and he drove down and picked them up,” says Greg. Actually, Dude is pretty proud of Greg and his Night Stalker. Even at 82 he’s very spry and goes to Greg’s shop regularly. He even coached Greg through the rebuild process so he got the “restoration” right.

Then the Night Stalker hit the track. The first stop was Ware Shoals Dragway, formerly known as Starlight Dragway; one of the strips that Dude used to bring the ’55. “We grudge raced it at first,” says Greg. And now, he just can’t believe the outpouring of support for the Night Stalker. “No one knew the fan base it would have. I didn’t have a clue how the car was going to take off,” he continues.

Today, the Night Stalker hits the major events across the country. The Meltdown Drags in Byron, Illinois, is a major stop each year. And the car rarely fails to deliver the goods. His best time in the eighth-mile is 5.60 at 124 mph, which is nearly 2 seconds faster than Dude’s best time back in the day. “It’s funny, but when I bought the car Dude asked me what I was going to do with it. I said I was going to race it. He just laughed. But he ain’t laughing now,” says Greg. Yeah, no one is; and especially the guy in the other lane.

The post A real-deal 1955 gasser that’s been there and done that appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

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[tidyamo-blog]

TIDY 2017

Next year will be my 28th year as a producer, my 36th as a DJ and Tidy will be 23. It all started as a bit of fun and it then took over my life, I have seen music formats, club nights, record labels and DJ's come and go and even witnessed the birth of dance and house music as we know it... however the one thing that always amazes me is the Tidy community.

This year more than any other, even when we stopped the Tidy machine so we could work on other projects, you still had the want and urge for us to keep the fire burning. If you had asked me 3 or 4 years ago that we would put on a couple of events in these quite times of clubbing, that 1250 people would come to our Christmas party and 1800 would buy tickets for The Opera House Reunion in record time, I would not have believed it.

Over the years Tidy and myself have witnessed a lot of love, laughter, naivety and even mild hatred within the scene, it’s same ingredients that is in most of the music scenes to be honest, you have to take the rough with the smooth and thats because ‘music is the shorthand of emotion’ and its driven by passion. One thing I’m very proud of is the passion of a fantastic Tidy community, 17 years of events has introduced me to (what I believe) is the most wonderful, committed collection of clubbers that any record label or events brand has ever had.

During Tidy’s 23 years clubbers have come and gone, spent a brief time with us, stayed with us for years, or come, gone and then come back again… they have met their future wives, partners and husbands and some have gone on to create their own families… they now even bring those children and families to our events. People have made new life-long friends, either at a weekender where people bond and unite or at our smaller special Tidy events across the UK.

Alongside our events we are very proud of the music we created and released… although the industry has changed and its no longer a realistic business model anymore - hard house music from the past and present continues to be at the heart of everything. Tidy was originally the brand that brought some of the biggest new artist, DJs and tracks to the scene… some may not agree or like this fact -  but without Tidy we certainly would not have had so many hard house memories or friends.

Without Tidy we certainly wouldn’t have the likes of key names that shaped the sound you know and love, some people forgot that the likes of Guyver, Lee Haslam, Anne Savage, Lisa Lashes, Paul Janes, Flash Harry, Stimulant DJs, Ingo, Colin Barratt, Sam Townend, Eddie Halliwell, Paul Glazby, Kutski, Ian M, Signum, Paul Maddox, Sam Townend and many many more all cut their teeth and had their first tracks and careers on Tidy. All the classics you hear today use to be new tracks once upon a time and ironically the Tidy Boys (when they were younger with more hair) broke all these tracks and played them first… how times have changed.

I didn’t want this little end of year message to be a big showing off exercise for Tidy, far from it, we have always tried to be humble and light hearted, however… sometimes I read some weird twisted views of Tidy on Facebook, which either make us laugh or cry… I even noticed one person recently calling Tidy’s actions controversial… that really did make us laugh. Tidy has never took itself seriously and neither have I, it’s one thing that may have kept us going longer than many others. The music has always had a hard edge and its fantastic it’s stayed underground away from the TV and radio, but Im so glad it’s remained fun and never ever been up its own arse, which is easily done in the music business.

I would like to thank Sam Townend who has been instrumental in the last 10 years in keeping the Tidy flame burning, his hard work and dedication (and the fact he has had to put up with my silly ideas over the years), is sometimes over looked. Over the last 23 years Andy Pickles and I have worked with some fantastic people, both during the Music Factory Years and over the recent independent days with a smaller dedicated team.

Here is a short list of people I would like to thank for the last 12 months : Angie Mozart, Sam Townend, Brad Holmes, Andy Pickles, Pete Goulding, Chris Lambert, Max Mozart, Darren Hicks, Michal Szlas, Matthew Halifax, Paul Smith (Bubble), Dave Jackson, Joe Longbottom, Darren Hurrell, Jayne Parkes, Lee Haslam, Roy & Roger Noise, Rich Haplin, Chris Griffiths, Bill Allard, plus all the Glamzoo Crew from Northampton & Leeds.

Finally I would once again like to say a massive thank you to the Tidy Faithful, not only for continuing to support our special one off events but also for keeping us going by buying clothing and merchandise from the Glamzoo Store, of which we hope to expand in 2018. In fact you may not realise it but by supporting Glamzoo with your purchases you keep Tidy going, a t-shirt, hoodie or novelty cushion purchase makes all the difference and funds your next Tidy adventure.

I Hope to see you all at some point in 2018, we have some very very special events planned, one of which maybe our biggest challenge to date. These parties maybe few and far between but we promise to deliver the best hard house events possible. “There’s no party like a tidy party”

KEEP IT TIDY Amadeus Celery Mozart