#And also uhhhhh fucking track them sometimes

[beechicory]

Oh my Godddddddd, another day, another confirmation that, in terms of parent quality in terms of my young relative it goes:

Me

our cat (look, she thinks she's responsible for us, and she does a good job!)

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the other potential parental figures, including their actual biological parents and their legal guardian

Just...fucking absolute ghouls. Levels of selfishness that go beyond comprehension. Sickening cruelty. I want to tar and feather them. Jesus Christ.

[theaceace]

Ok so when Rose gives the heart back to unity once more rendering her the vortex and then she dies in her sleep, something goes wrong (either because Desire set a sneaky trap or because it's close enough to breaking the rules of Endless not hurting family) that there's an explosive reaction, and when the chaos dies down Rose is still in the dreaming even though that definitely should have woken her up and Dream is nowhere to be found

Now Rose is stuck in the dreaming, and after a quick five minutes of panicking, comes to the conclusion with Lucienne and Unity that she'll have to track Dream down and get him to fix this. Lucienne needs to return to the palace to keep the dreaming running smoothly, Unity despite seeming chill about it has just DIED and also has never actually used any of her vortex powers the way Rose has and I'm basically just handwaving the fact that Rose is going to have to search for Dream on her own

Or not entirely on her own! Matthew is there, because every young woman embarking on a solo adventure needs a sassy talking animal sidekick, them's the rules

So Rose and Matthew set out on a trek through the dreaming, and this is the point where I could get wildly creative if I had the brainpower, and come up with fantastical dreamworlds

Because this is an AU and I say that being the descendent of an Endless should have some perks, Rose can still travel between dreams, she just can't affect them/the waking world or bring down the walls between dreams the way she could before. She's more akin to Matthew or Lucienne than a vortex, despite being human and aliveSo they spend a while chasing dead ends and leads that go nowhere until they wind up in some dream set in a pretty normal pub, and in true dreamlogic fashion there are people in clothes that come from a mishmash of the last 7 centuries, eating by rushlight while on their phones. But! Rose looks over and there's Dream! Amazing, they found him!

Matthew's like uhhhhh, I've spent a lotta time with the bossman, Rose, I'm not so sure that's - but it's too late she's already marching over

Meanwhile, Hob has been having a really nice dream in which his Stranger enjoys his company and didn't stand him up and doesn't wander off to 'inspire' any upstart playwrights and smiles at him like he did when they finally met up again a couple of weeks ago or whenever it was. He really wasn't expecting it to be interrupted by a girl rushing over to grab his Stranger's shoulder all excited about how we've found you Dream we were so worried are you ok???

And look. Hob is pretty used to rolling with the punches. After seven hundred years on planet earth, you gotta be. But this is, he hates to say, a pretty fucking weird turn for his dream to take usually it turns more toward his Stranger bending him over the table ahem

Also there's a talking bird. Why not

Rose has now realised that this Dream is not, in fact, the real Dream. BUT that means this guy must know Dream! Maybe he can help out? And Matthew is like wait, wait a second. You. YOU'RE the guy the boss went all starry-eyed (literally) over???

Hob reckons uuuuuhhhhh probably not? Took him seven hundred years to admit they're friends, and Matthew is like holy shit that hussy

Anyway I want Rose Hob and Matthew to go on a roadtrip adventure to save Dream is what I'm getting at. I was to continue the glorious tradition of Hob learning things about his friend (😍) thanks to other people and not from his friend himself (😭). I want Hob to play accidental therapist to Rose like he does to his students. I want Matthew to mock him mercilessly. I want Hob to sometimes be an asshole. I want them to BOND

And I want them to make it to the house of secrets and the house of mysteries where Hob is forcibly reminded that he was raised a Catholic medieval peasant when he sits down for tea with Cain and Abel (who think that Gadling would be an excellent name for a gargoyle if Morpheus ever makes another).

I want Abel to offhandedly mention something unspeakably horrible in the basement, but when Rose opens that door it just leads into a big fancy hallway? They go through anyway, and something feels different about this dream. Matthew is all 'I got a bad feeling about this' because Patton Oswalt loves Star wars and I think it's funny. Maybe they see a stuffed raven with a white breast in a room of taxidermied animals

So they keep looking, and eventually Hob finds a door leading to a basement, cracks a silly joke about finding something unspeakably horrible down there to cover up the fact that he's actually fucking terrified (he's come to accept that this is not a dream in the traditional sense, although it took way longer than it should have), and heads down the staircase

(It's the snow globe)

And here I start to run out of momentum a bit but like. I think Hob Rose and Matthew deserve to come together to roast the shit out of Dream while Lucienne tracks their progress from the library with Unity and Merv, who are also roasting the shit out of Dream, and all roasting comes to an abrupt and choked end when they get to the basement

Maybe Dream has been reduced to a cloud of swirling black sand in the orb, or maybe he looks almost exactly as he did in reality, maybe the Dream Team have to get him out but in order for that to happen he has to allow them to help, or maybe he needs to free himself because something something it's a metaphor idk. Maybe Dream, in whatever state he's in, panics at the sight of his bae friend, his raven, and his niece all outside the glass just like Jessamy was. Maybe he tries to throw them all out of the dream, but he's weakened himself as though he really were trapped in the circle again, and Rose is able to stand her ground against him.

And idk I don't really have an ending beyond 'Dream gets out and everyone is OK and also Rose and Hob end up being exasperated penpals over Dream's... Dream-ness.

[svturn-exe]

some stuff abt my favorite iredeemable freak ^_^ uhhhhh some general warnings . lots of talk abt murder (he's a slasher it is what it is) some mention of/implied child abuse, vague reference to cannibalism, white man jumpscare

how kenny goes from revenge killing his abuser to just straight up serial killing:

▶kenny kills his old man & gets away with it

▶he wants to relive that moment of finally feeling like he had power over his father, but he's not a necromancer. so he goes for the next best thing: finding an older man to kill pov you are my dad (you're my dad) boogie woogie woogie style

▶eventually (after a couple more kills or smth) kenny is like man if im gonna keep this up and not get caught i have got to find a way to get them somewhere out of public (this is prob b4 he learns the art of breaking and entering)

▶kenny switches to primarily targeting older married men. because he needs to get his victims to go somewhere secluded and out of the way with him, and whats the one thing a young, pretty guy can offer older, unhappily married men that will get them to go somewhere alone with him in secret?

▶eventually through whatever means kenny has the realization that oh. this isn't limited to just dirty old men. i just Like Killing In General, and just about Anybody will follow you just about anywhere if you're cute enough and they think ur gonna let them hit ▶kenny officially enters his 'he should NOT be at the club' era

the mess kenny's trial causes:

▶the people living in foxhole are generally very frustrated with the police. aside from more general acab reasons, public opinion of the police department is very low bc there are so many murders/missing persons cases and no answers or any real progress being made. general consensus is that the police are incompetent (real and true tbh).

▶kenny's trial doesn't help the police salvage their image. he doesn't refute any of the allegations made against him, freely admitting to any murder they pin on him - and to be fair. he did commit a good amount of them. he also just as freely admits when he doesn't remember committing specific murders, but still goes 'yeah i probably did that' anyway, bc he isn't aware of vivian's existence yet ▶for his part, kenny doesn't care enough to dispute the crimes he Didn't commit. and hey, for all he knows? maybe he does sometimes just black out and eat people in the woods. genuinely weirder shit has happened to him ▶ken phoenix is sentenced to death. somehow it gets out to the public that ken was not conclusively deemed fit to stand trial, but was tried anyway. some believe kenny wasn't a murderer, and was in fact just a very, Very mentally ill man, sparking public outrage over the police's incompetence. but like, no guys. they actually got it right this time. it's just that there is a second freak out there

▶normally, death row inmates can be there for years, up to literal decades. kenny's execution was fast tracked - so many people have been dying/going missing & the police need a win. they want this guy dead asap so they can tell the public look! we got the guy he's dead the day is saved and we're definitely not incompetent :)smile . but then the killings continue, even though ken phoenix is (legally) dead

▶him going from trial to sentencing to death row to lethal injection so quickly contributes to public outrage, alongside the killings continuing even after kenny is "killed." the public's fuck-the-police meter is at an all time high, and there's a secret third freak looking to take advantage of that sentiment (hi simon ^_^)

other shit:

▶ken is vain in a very smug way. he knows he's got a cute face and uses it for evil ▶kenny's burns were definitely a lot more extensive when they were fresh, bc kiera and cindy Trapped him in a locked room in that house before lighting it the fuck up. and after a certain point the house just collapses and buries him in on-fire wood, and he just cooks in there for a bit b4 vivian comes along and picks him up by the scruff out of the smoldering wreckage ▶for a while, until they start to heal, kenny is just wiped the fuck out on whatever surface vivian dumps him on. bc existing hurts and he's in desperate need of aloe vera ▶kenny is 12 when his mother is murdered, 19 when he kills his father, and by the time he's arrested and put on trial, he's 23 and in his 2nd year of college. he's almost exactly 10 years younger than vivian ▶ken's pupils are stuck at maximum dilation, but his eyes are so dark it's normally impossible to tell. if a uv light is shined on his eyes, however, the thin rings of his irides can be seen. but good luck getting him to keep his eyes open long enough to see - his eyes are very sensitive to light, despite being so dark. this also contributes to him becoming mostly nocturnal after the lethal injection ▶your greatest self defense weapon against kenny is one of those super laser blast industrial flashlights. or one of those stupid strong laser pointers that can get you arrested if you shine them at an airplane. shine that shit in his eyes and sprint for your life ▶ken is very pale, has a far slower-than-average heart rate, runs cold, and doesn't blink very often. if need be, he can play a very convincing corpse ▶hypothetically, if somewhere who were, say, extra sensitive to psychic & supernatural phenomena were to come into direct contact with whatever it is that's keeping kenny alive and everybody's problem. it would not end well ▶after kenny is put to death, from a forensic standpoint, they have no fucking idea what's going on. the leading theory is that the real killer stole ken's corpse from the morgue and is dragging him around on a tour-de-stab to mock the police. in reality, that weasely twink just woke up in the morgue and walked out ▶during the sentencing hearing, as the judge is giving justification for why kenny's sentence is what it is, they make a comment along of lines of 'i would not be surprised if he had assisted his father in his mother's killing.' this pisses kenny the fuck off, and he attempts to get at the judge and kill them right then and there. he's cuffed down, but cuffs don't mean much to a guy who cares more about throttling you until you neck snaps than he does about not breaking his own wrists. ▶the first thing kenny does after he gets vivian to sew him back up and let him out the cabin is he's tracking down that fucking judge that Dared to imply he'd kill his mom and Obliterating them. bro is gonna turn them into a human jigsaw puzzle it's so over

[googumpins]

I am actually so fucking stupid sometimes but y'know what I'm just gonna try and laugh about this situation anyway

So. I was working alone tonight. People are sick yadda yadda but it's my first time ever working a full shift alone. It's super fuckin busy, I'm already tired by the end of the night, my mind is checking out and getting into Go Home mode.

And about half an hour before closing, the store gets a phone call.

It's a dude with an indian accent. He informs me he's the owner of the company and asks me my name.

Very obviously a scammer.

Except, for some fucking reason, I just rolled with it.

So the "Company Owner" starts telling me he needs me to make a note for the manager, namely his phone number along with leaving a heads up that there's gonna be a delivery tomorrow for some stuff. So I go "Okay, I can do that," but then he starts going off about some other stuff, and my hearing comprehension is already abysmal, so half the stuff he says I'm missing and need him to repeat, but I'm trying to be polite so I just nod and smile and repeat what I can catch and-

Fire extinguishers.

Huh?

Fire extinguishers.

He asks me to take pictures of the expiration dates on our fire extinguishers and send them to his phone number.

I go okay, yeah, that's fine, lemme get my phone out and send them to you- Wait what's your number again? Oh, you told me already? Oh, yeah, that's right, it's on the note, sorry, yeah, just give me a moment and I'll send them to-

"You can't multitask?"

I feel something shoot through me. Why the fuck would he word it like that? Yes, I can kinda multitask, yeah, it's just hard to take pictures with one hand while I'm talking to you-

I get more wrapped up in it as I try sending the photos to him, he tells me to keep him on the line, then he starts saying more stuff about the delivery stuff, and again I can't quite understand him so I just smile and nod, smile and hum, wait until I can pick up some words I understand and-

Oh, the delivery people are calling, and you want to continue our conversation on my personal phone now? Uh, Okay, Here's My Number.

So we continue the conversation on my phone, I was so engrossed in this situation now that I don't even remember if he called me or if I called him, but either way, we start a phone call on my personal phone, and the "Delivery Company" calls the store phone and starts going on about how the Delivery Man is on his way and will be there in 35-40 minutes.

Meanwhile, the Company Owner is telling me how he wants me to tell him what they're saying, and the Delivery Company wants me to tell them what the Company Owner is saying, so I'm quite literally playing a game of Telephone between them. I'm talking literally holding one phone in one hand and the other phone in the other hand. I'm holding one phone to my ear to speak to the Owner and holding the other phone away from me so the Delivery Company can't hear me and get confused.

"What's the tracking number on the order?" the Delivery Company says.

"Uhhhhh I dunno, lemme ask-" I say, switching phones to talk to the Owner, "What's the tracking number?"

"It's 282-"

"Sorry, hold on-" I move both phones to both ears so I can speak to them at the same time, "The tracking number is...?"

So then I repeat back to the Owner while also telling the Delivery Company at the same time because I am Smart and do not want to have to remember a series of numbers just to have to repeat them back again like I'm trying to make a memory game out of this-

"Oh, the delivery's going to be there in about 25 minutes, and [Manager's name]'s check didn't go through" (or something) "We need an alternative payment Right Now"

Huh? 25 minutes? Didn't you say 35-40 minutes only 3 minutes ago? Also Damn, [Manager] really do be dropping the ball again. She's gonna be in troooublllle-

Oh right, Mr. Owner Man, "The Delivery Company says they need an alternative payment for this to actually go through."

"Okay, ask them how they want it paid."

I switch ears and phones "How do you want it paid?"

(something, something) "ATM Bitcoin"

Fucking BITCOIN? Alright, if you say so-

"They said ATM Bitcoin?" I says.

"Okay, we can take care of that" the Owner says.

"Hey, I'm the only one here right now, is it alright if I call [Manager] to help me out with this?"

"No, she's in a video conference right now."

Okay, that's weird, it's almost midnight and she's in a video conference?

I snap back into it when they ask me if I'm in the office. I say yes, as I've been speaking to them in the office this entire time. They ask me if I can find a Fed-Ex sheet. I say yeah, I can try.

It is at this point I start staring off, my mind boggled by trying to understand two different people throughout this whole ordeal. I stare at my manager's name and number that's been posted on our whiteboard. I realize the Delivery man has said her name wrong by one letter because it is the way that only I say it because I initially misheard it when I met her.

I bring the phone with the Company Owner to my ear.

"What's [Manager]'s last name?"

It's a simple question. A very easy answer for the Company Owner, since she works under him. Throughout this whole ordeal I have realized they have not asked for her full name. I ask it merely out of curiosity, because I do not even know the answer. Which is strange, now that I think about it, because I don't know anyone else's last names-

"Excuse me?" the Company Owner asks.

"What's [Manager]'s last name?" I repeat.

"Fuck you!" He exclaims.

I am snapped back to reality.

This is not the Company Owner.

There is no Delivery.

The urgent driver is not coming in 25 minutes.

The veil of an alternate reality is now ripped from over my head as I see I have been made a fool of.

I have been speaking to scammers for the passed 20 minutes and have not once actually stopped the charade despite how stressed the situation has made me, despite how ridiculous I looked staring at myself on the camera moving my arms back and forth while trying to alternate phones to speak with these two men whom I now realize have multiple people talking in the background of their calls instead of there being an isolating silence of a proper office space.

"Wooooooow..."

I hang up on both of them.

Or they both hung up on me, I don't know.

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

DRUNK ANON! tryna not make mistakes here. THAT TOOK ME 20 Seconds to correct it because am drunk but BROOO. don’t call me baby. i catch feelings QUICK! hehehe. wink wink. when u say “ily” i feel a lil bit special (LMAAOO JKl

ANYWAY!! it’s SOOOO hard for me to write in Ada’s POV because we get so little of Ada’s back story or just in general, but then again it leaves room to explore Ada. Question, do you hear more of Ada’s voice or Leon’s? How do you stay motivated to write? What music evoke emotions out of you or have you think about Aeon? this is sooo messy 😭😭😭😭 i’m all over the place. SORRY.

OHH happy Holidays! OMG ANd ur layout for Leon’s apartment is how Totlaly how I imagined it. um. fuck. i lost track of my thoughts. it’s 1:22AM. Thank you for always having time for AEON NATION. you’re da best! 💕

YOU DIDN'T SAY IF YOU WERE GONNA DRINK WATER >:(

YOU BETTA DO THAT AFTER U DRUNK

sjkdbfsjkfnslkfsniofesidfh

u did a good job spelling hehe

yessss i do think that it's harder to write for ada. i think that we all subconsciously add our own ideas into how ada behaves and acts. and i think that's fine to some extent since she is "playing a role" isn't she? she's always this kinda cold person but we see her becoming softer for leon. so i think we have a bit of space to explore that and make a more "real version" of an ada. i do think that some people (even ada and aeon stans) still mischaracterize ada or her backstory, which is fine tbh since we have so little of her childhood, but like the egregious mischaracterizing (usually from anti ada and anti aeon people) is the kind of shit i hate- like her wanting to kill leon or something like that. or the flip side of her wanting to save the bunnies - although i do like the addition of her saving the chickens in re4r lol.

i like to think of them in both povs because i feel like it gives us a better way to move the plot along. if an entire fic is only from leon's pov it's a bit boring to me. i like the alternating povs and i usually write like that. the only ada only pov that i've ever written is this one.

even my other fics i add some of ada's pov.

i think it's important to explore both of their motivations and thoughts and ideas even if you don't end up writing one of their povs. it makes the writing disjointed sometimes if you don't think about the other characters and how they feel. even side or secondary characters i think it's important to flesh out just enough so that they're not just used as a plot device. (not to say only writing in characters for plot devices are bad, but keep them secondary characters or minor background characters.)

uhhhhhh honestly i write for fun so i just try to write a little bit when i feel like it T_T sjkdfbsjkfs i wrote a post on how to stay motivated but i don't remember what it was called. it might be tagged under like #heart writes or something like that

uhhhhh i have lots of songs that i like! i have a bunch tagged with #aeon coded song

THAT'S OKAY MY LOVE

ujjjhhhhhh

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!! heheheheh im glad! i did try to explain it when i was writing but it's also okay if people had different ideas for apartment layouts. i wasn't like super specific about some aspects of it.

THAAANK YOOUUU 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 DRINK SOME WATERR 💕💕💕

[charmspoint]

Hi! Not the same anon, but you said in a previous ask that you fell out of love with bsd. I was thinking about starting that series so I'm curious, can you tell me about more about your opinions on bsd?

Oh boy uhhhhh my opinions about bsd. Anon I'm so so sorry for what is about to happen.

Quick and easy advice: Read until the end of the guild arc and then drop it and consider the series done, that would be until end of ch 37, enjoy

Now for the crazy version:

It doesn't IMMIDIETLY go bad Guild arc but after that is where things slowly start to slack and slip and then we end up with what we ended up ye.

I really enjoyed bsd up until the end of the guild arc! I won't say it has NO writing problems, they were always there, but there were a lot less noticeable. The characters are cool and creative and if you are watching the anime the animation is stunning (though I do rec the manga, anime has a bad habit of cutting corners or changing scenes, especially when it comes to soukoku for some reason). Like it's no coincidence that even after I've completely fell out of love with the manga, characters like Chuuya and Ranpo are still ones I think about and consider amongs my favs. BSD had a lot lot lot of potential.

Anyway, Kafka Asagiri can't write for shit.

That's mean I know, but I'm really really tired of this dude like, the way he writes reminds me of the way i wrote when i was like 15 and that is NOT a compliment.

He has a really really unfortunate habit of making characters Just so many characters. Go to bsd fan wiki, go look at how many fucking organizations there are, that's too many organizations. This is why bsd was good until after guild arc. You had Port Mafia you had Detective Agency, they are at war, in comes Guild, they have to unite, simple but effective. And then like 11 other organizations are pulled out of nothing and each of them has at least a couple of names characters and sometimes a few of them will get developed but probably really only one and that is what Kafka does. He's a character designer. He makes shiny new toys and plays with them for a while and then he throws them away because he's bored and he wants a new toy. That's just how everything has started to feel.

Like

I hadn't kept up with the manga for a while. I used to get some info about what was happening from my friend but then she dropped it too, so now i only get what accidentally ends up on my dash. I heard Kenji got a bit of a backstory recently good for him. I honestly dont know where bsd is going rn, is it better, is it worse, is it trudging down the same old track. If anyone who follows me reads it feel free to jump into my ask box to tell me about it, especially if its like 'you are wrong lucy its actually good now' because god knows i want it to be.

But that's just the overall impression I got from kafka's writing. Like, I think he knows somewhat where he is going, maybe the end goal, but he's honestly flying by the seat of his pants. Things happen and you are like 'wait what, is that allowed?', Chuuya is a god now, its a nitpick only im upset about but its my blog, and god, god kafka thinks hes so smart

It was cool at first you know, we had Ranpo and Dazai who were both genius detectives with their own flavors and it was fun. But you know that sherlock video where the guy rants how sherlock just magically knows things and we are just supposed to accept it because sherlock is so smart and special THATS HOW THE WHOLE OF BSD STARTS TO FEEL. Every other villain is a brilliant genius strategist and they do things and know things and battle with dazai who also does things and knows things and none of it is ever explained because well they are geniuses just trust me they would know, dw they can do this, they are geniuses. Kafka just uses them to do whatever the fuck he wants without having to work for it because they are geniuses. It's annoying! The fucking code talking scene will be something ill be mad about on my death bed i stg.

Anon, I'm a character driven person. If i like the characters, I can stand a mediocre plot that's fine. But Kafka displays such massive misuse of all his characters its simply unbearable. I love Chuuya with all my heart and I don't acknowledge more than like 5% of his backstory. I was looking forwarded to his backstory! This never happened to me before, that i find out more about a character n just stand there n go

'well thats stupid as shit, that didn't happen'

And believe me anon I could rant about misuse of Chuuya until next year.

Just. It really really does have that feeling, you know. Like Kafka makes characters and gets bored of them and then just plays around with new characters until hes bored of them too. On and on and on. Instead of deepening the relationships between already pretty big 'core' cast, he keeps throwing new characters at them, that were never mentioned before but are suddenly super important. Only to forget about them too.

It feels pointless to care about characters when you read bsd. Nothing will be done with them, and this goes beyond like 'well this is a side character, they won't get much work' I feel like fucking Atsushi has been half forgotten and he's the mc. Or maybe Dazai is the mc??? But then i heard Kafka started to abandon him too which is just??

Ugh, sorry about huge ass angry rant, bsd is just THAT sort of topic with me, I feel like i said this same thing like 50 different times to a dozen of different people and i still get upset about it every single time.

If i could steal one set of characters and make them my own it would be the original cast of bsd, agency, port mafia, guild. I love those characters, i wish they had a better writer and attention they deserved, it could have been very cool

I said so much but i didnt even talk about how cannibalization arc is completely wasted or anything, I feel like every time i write this it ends up less and less coherent and more just me screaming at the clouds

I hope that helps?

[haikyuuuuuhypeeeee]

Ch. Fourteen

⚠WARNING: Swearing

• ────── ✾ ────── •

Waking up is painful. Physically painful, at least. You’re not ready to deal with the emotional pain from yesterday, no thank you.

You finally peel your eyes open, a true struggle considering how they were crusted together. You take in your surroundings and form the first coherent thought of the day.

This isn’t my bedroom.

Your eyes seem to be crusted shut. You sit up and realize that no, this is not your apartment, this is Osamu’s apartment. This is his bed you’re currently sitting up from, his blankets wrapped around you.

You then form your second coherent thought of the day.

His detergent smells really nice.

That thought finishes in your head before it’s slammed aside by the rush of yesterday’s memories - group therapy with your friends and Osamu, Oikawa being a complete dick to Osamu, your argument with Oikawa which resulted in Oikawa blabbing of your love for Hajime, leaving the restaurant crying, realizing you lost your keys but they’re at Osamu’s apartment, walking to Osamu’s crying…

From there it’s a bit murkier as your memories intertwined with self-deprecating thoughts and a line of thinking you rarely walk down anymore.

Last night was a night.

You do somewhat remember Osamu comforting you. Letting you know that it was okay and he was there for you.

You glance around the studio apartment, wondering where he was. Oh god, did you force him out good lord you are -

Oh, no he’s sitting on his couch with a cup of coffee.

You’re filled with guilt when you realize you monopolized his bed and completely took over his apartment. Yeah, he maybe didn’t need to sleep last night (a concept you still don’t fully understand nor approve of) but you have fully overstayed your welcome.

Grabbing your phone from the side table you tap the screen, taking in the notifications on your screen.

Shit, I never messaged Makki or Mattsun.

Your gut feels like lead as you open the group chat with the two. That was a big fuck up on your end.

Fuck, I’m such a shitty friend.

You don’t waste anytime typing out a message.

“Tea?”

You look up from your phone and are greeted with Osamu’s sleepy gaze, a mug of tea held in his hand for you. You reach for the mug, nodding slowly.

“How’re yer feel in’ this morning?” He asks as you take a sip. You shrug in response

“I’m okay. I’m sorry I just fell apart like that on you.” You say. “I wasn’t having a great night, and my emotions just kind of bled all over the place. And I’m sorry that I fell asleep.”

“Yeah, that was actually pretty funny.” Osamu smiles. “Ya just kinda passed out on my shoulder. I had to lift ya to get ya onto the bed.”

You blink, absolutely mortified. “Oh wow, I am so sorry. That’s so embarrassing.”

“Nah, it was cute.” Osamu takes a casual sip from his mug, seemingly oblivious to the flirty line he just dropped. “But ya seemed pretty upset last night, and i wasn’t gonna let ya walk home like that.” The smile drops from his face and he looks at you with concern. “If ya wanna talk about it ya can, although I don’t want to push ya. It’d be pretty dumb of me to.

“I know I’ve been pretty skeptical about openin’ up and talkin’ ‘bout my feelings, but since meetin’ ya I’ve felt better. Lighter, I guess.” He shrugs. “Ya’ve made me realize how important it is to open up.”

You look down at your tea, a small smile tugging at your lips. Your heart warms at Osamu’s words, part of you preening that you were the one who has helped Osamu, but also you feel genuine relief that Osamu wants to open up more.

“Well, let me treat you to breakfast this morning - it’s the least I can do.” You finish your tea and give Osamu a small smile. “I can tell you about yesterday if you don’t mind listening.”

Osamu smiles in return. “Sure, let me grab my stuff.” He takes the mug from your hand and shuffles into the kitchen. You sit up, stretching your arms and grabbing your phone. A few more messages have come through from Mattsun and Makki.

Uhhhhh…….

You open up your chat with Oikawa, finding hundreds of messages from him. He hasn’t sent you anything since 5am. You quickly navigate back to the chat with your other friends.

Frantic knocks, one after another, beat against Osamu’s door.

No way.

Osamu gives you a look before walking to the front door. He checks the paper hole, then turns back and looks at you with faint amusement.

“It’s for ya.”

You stand from the bed, moving into the kitchen. Regretfully, you open the door.

A distressed-looking Oikawa is the surprise visitor. He looks absolutely beside himself - his eyes are bloodshot and swollen, snot is dripping out of his nose, and his hair is messy and lackluster.

Oh dear god.

He bursts into tears when he sees you, but surprisingly doesn’t throw himself at you. He must be learning some boundaries. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Y/N-chan! I was being stupid and petty and I didn’t mean to-”

“Ok, ok c’mon. You’re going to wake up Osamu’s neighbors.” You bring the snivelling, pathetic Oikawa inside, quickly closing the door behind him. You help him get his shoes off, glancing around the Osamu. You spot him at the sink, filling a glass with water. He brings it over, giving Oikawa a nod and silently passing the water to him.

“Thank you Osamu-kun.” Oikawa gratefully takes the water and downs it before handing the empty glass back to an amused Osamu. “I plan on giving you a full apology soon, I promise.”

Osamu huffs a laugh and goes back into the kitchen. He sets the glass in the sink as you lead Oikawa through and into the living room.

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper to Osamu. “Do you want me to go?”

“Nah,” Osamu waves his hand. “I’ll get ready for breakfast in the bathroom, and give you guys some space.”

“Thank you, I’ll try to make this quick.”

“Take yer time.” Osamu smiles at you and moves to the bathroom. You turn back to Oikawa, who is watching you with regret painting all over his face.

“I’m sorry I told Makki and Mattsun that you love Hajime.” Oikawa blurts without any bite.

You think you see Osamu flinch out of the corner of your eye but when you look his way you see the bathroom door closing. You look back to Oikawa and sigh.

“Why did you say it then?”

Oikawa heaves a sigh and hangs his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to say to make you not hate me.”

“Oikawa, I don’t hate you.” You join him on the couch, leaning into his side. “Talk to me.”

Oikawa presses back to you and you feel his shoulders move up and down as he takes another deep breath. “I knew that uni classes and volleyball would be really really hard - but as long as we all had each other we would be fine. We smashed through high school together, so this was just another challenge.

“But when Iwa-chan died it changed everything. Obviously.” Oikawa takes a shaky breath. “But I still had you, Mattsun and Makki. I knew that we wouldn’t be the same without Iwa-chan, and classes and volleyball would be hard, but we would be friends.

“I don’t think I knew how hard everything would be. My classes suck, volleyball is a chore, and I miss Iwa-chan.” He sniffles. “I miss him so much. I feel like I don’t know who I am without him. But I had you guys, I always had my friends.

“But Mattsun and Makki are in their own world sometimes, and then you started hanging out with Osamu.” He looks at you, tears shining in his brown eyes. “I know it makes me sound like you can’t have other friends beside me, and I really don’t want to be selfish. But you were spending more time with Osamu and it hit me that you were all growing up and becoming different people.” A few tears track down his face and he sniffs. “I don’t want anything to change, I don’t want Iwa-chan to be dead, I don’t want to be a terrible person.”

Oikawa starts to cry and you don’t hesitate in pulling him into a side hug. He’s not really sobbing but you feel his pain deep in your heart. One of your hands comes up to card gently through his hair.

“I know I’ve been a piece of shit the last few months. And I can tell that you really like Osamu, even though you’ve always loved Iwa-chan. Whenever you talked about him you had this happy and bright look on your face. He makes you feel good, but you love Iwa-chan. You moving on meant change, and I hated that.” Oikawa sniffs. “But bringing Osamu to the group therapy session, which I always thought was our group’s thing, made me realize that you were changing. I was so angry, and your secret just slipped out.”

He takes a watery breath. “Isn’t it awful? I’ve been trying to drag you back down to my level, bring you back down to feel the pain that I feel, all because I’m scared. I’m a terrible, awful friend.”

“Oikawa, have you had time to go to your therapy appointments?” You ask gently.

He doesn’t answer right away, and when he gives the tiniest shake of his head you sigh.

“Honey,” you scold gently. “Why are you not going?”

“School and volleyball have taken up a lot of my time.” Oikawa mumbles, his sentence punctuated with another sniffle. “I’ve skipped so many appointments, and I’m too embarrassed to call.”

You sigh, inwardly shaking your head at your friend’s weak excuse. “I don’t want to tell you what to do, but maybe re-prioritize your responsibilities. Getting back on track with your therapy appointments should take top priority. You can talk through these feelings instead of letting them fester.”

Oikawa doesn’t answer right away, but when he does his voice is small. “But I’d probably have to quit volleyball, and that’s all I have left of Iwa-chan.” You see his hands ball into fists. “I don’t want to lose that.” His breath hitches. “I don’t know what to do.”

You let him cry on your shoulder, giving him the time to get all the tears out. You figure this is the most civil conversation you’ve had since Hajime died. The thought brings you relief but also makes you quite sad.

“You know you’re one of my best friends, right Oikawa?” You ask once he’s calmed down a bit. “You’re a diva and a trainwreck, but you’re my diva and my trainwreck.” He exhales lightly but you’re almost certain it’s in amusement. “No matter what, I’m always going to want the best for you, and I’m always gonna try my best to help you.

“But,” you feel him tense up when you continue. “You have to realize that your behavior the past few months has been really shitty. You’ve treated us all like punching bags - we get it, probably more than a lot of people could. But I’m not gonna let you treat me, or any of our friends, like it anymore.”

“I’ll be good.” Oikawa promises immediately. “I promise, I’ll do better for you and Makki and Mattsun. And me.”

“Good.” You give him a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry for yelling at you last night in the restaurant.”

“You don’t have to apologize at all.” He replies immediately. He yawns before speaking again. “Honestly, I’ve been a piece of shit for months now. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” You murur. You both sit on the couch for a while longer as you try to come down from the conversation you just had. You feel like a heavy cloud that’s been floating around your head for months has cleared, and although you know Oikawa won’t magically change overnight you feel better knowing that you’ve had this hard conversation with him. Change starts with communication, and hopefully Oikawa understands now that he has the support to change.

You feel Oikawa leaning against you even further and you look at his face to see his eyes closed and mouth parted open.

“Oikawa, c’mon I don’t want you falling asleep.” You gently push him off you so you can stand and get Oikawa to stand also. His eyes are still closed and he puts nearly all of his body weight onto you.

He must not have slept all night, you think. It’s not uncommon for him to pull all nighters, a habit he picked up in high school watching game tape over and over until the sun came up. But he handles the lack of sleep gracelessly - you could prop him against a door jamb and he’d pass out no problem.

Together you move towards the front door. You’re not going to let him fall asleep here and inconvenience Osamu even more - you’ll take him back to your apartment and maybe try to catch lunch with Osamu. Now you owe him a few meals and unlimited coffee.

“Gotta apologize to Osamu-kun,” Oikawa mumbles when you lean him against the wall.

“Maybe when you’re going to fall asleep standing up, yeah?” You reply, bending down to shove his feet back in his shoes. You hear more mumblings in return but can’t make anything out of them.

As you’re getting your shoes on you hear the bathroom door open and out walks Osamu. He’s dressed and his face is composed into it’s usual blankness. Trusting that Oikawa won’t keel over, you walk over to where Osamu is reaching into his dresser for socks.

“I’m so sorry,” you say. “I have to reschedule breakfast, I have to make sure this idiot won’t sleepwalk into traffic.”

“S’alright. Didja work everything out?” Osamu asks in a measured tone.

“I think so.” Osamu’s not looking at you as he puts on his socks. Your gut twinges with guilt, realizing that he must be upset that you have to cancel breakfast. “But I think I’m gonna take him to my apartment and make sure he sleeps. Do you want to meet up for lunch or something?”

“Can’t.” His short answer makes you blink. “Meetin’ a group on campus for a class project.”

“Oh.” He’s still not meeting your gaze, and you detect a hint of gruffness in his tone. Maybe he’s upset that he has to meet with his group last minute? Or because you basically shoved him into his bathroom while you and Oikawa worked out your issues. “Dinner then? I owe you double now.”

“Probably not.” Osamu stands and gathers a few books and a notebook before shoving them into his backpack. His inability to look at you or hold a full conversation is confusing, but you don’t want to push him.

“Well let’s meet at the coffee shop tomorrow, usual time after morning classes. Sounds good?”

He hums distractedly. Your gut feels heavier and you swallow hard.

“Okay, well I’ll be off now.”

Osamu turns towards you but still doesn’t meet your eyes. “I’ll walk ya out.”

You both make the short walk to the front door. The tension in the room is heavy, unable to lighten even at the sight of Oikawa sleeping standing up. You maneuver your friend while Osamu opens the door for you. It’s a slight struggle walking out of the front door but you manage.

You look back before Osamu can close the door behind you. He’s holding the door knob and staring at the ground. “Let me know if you can do dinner tonight - if not I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You force as much cheeriness into your voice, despite the heavy weight in your chest. Finally Osamu looks at you, giving you a disinterested nod.

He closes the door as you turn to walk away. You look back quickly, catching a crestfallen look on Osamu’s face before the door fully closes.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

A/N: So when I originally thought about this story, I wanted to think about how different people deal with grief. And what I wanted to explore was 1.) is there a limit to how people will grieve? And 2.) can someone grieving push that limit? From the get-go Oikawa has seemingly pushed the limit of what some of you believed, and yet Y/N was still hesitant to call him out. And I loved hearing what everyone had to say about Oikawa - some were willing to give him a pass, and some were NOT happy with him. Now, just because someone is grieving, it does NOT give them a free pass to behave inappropriately or do serious harm to those around them. But I think it’s important to note that what may seem absolutely insane to one person is tolerable to another. And what it comes down to is how the person who is directly affected by another’s actions wants to address those actions (sorry if this is confusing.) Oikawa was treating Y/N and their friends like shit. In the story it was because Oikawa was not taking the necessary actions to keep himself mentally healthy. In Y/N’s eyes, if there is a desire to be better, and appropriate actions are taken to be better, then Oikawa deserves to be forgiven. I have absolutely LOVED reading everyone’s reactions and hearing their opinions on Oikawa’s slowly deteriorating behavior, thank you for sending them in! And just because how Y/N has reacted to Oikawa’s behavior it does not mean there is a right/wrong way! Everyone has different life experiences and different relationships that guide their decision-making! And that’s totally okay! (This obviously applies to non-threatening and morally & ethically right behavior.) And WOOF thank you for getting this far in the A/N’s, this was a LOT! Gold stars for everyone!! 🌟🌟🌟

Taglist Open! Please send an Ask with the request to be added to It’s [Not] Okay Fic & SMAU: @psycho-nightrose @camcam1617 @kamalymaly @toobsessedsstuff @shookykookie30 @roro-707 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @cerealfrdinner797 @ara-mitsue @gray-444 @tanakasimpcorner @rintarovibes @jellien @everytimeswift @bongofrito @babucrow @beidouluvr @kozuken-ma @imarriedachef

[its-kall-the-clown]

14 Fluff for Red Son realizing he's nursing a crush on MK

As some context this is post redemption for the demon bull family. So Mei, MK, and Red hang out a lot together now. Red Son is also an idiot. XD

Also this isn’t my most polished work so sorry if it feels rushed.

prompt list

Stop that!! (Don't stop)

Rating: PG-13 for implied sexual interactions

"I think I'm sick"

Red Son admits to the ceiling of Mei's room. They were hanging out like they normally did on days MK was training with monkey king. She was playing some sort of retro video game and he was watching till he got bored and lay on her bed thinking.

"You got a tummy ache?" Mei teased, pausing her game and he huffs rolling his eyes, and sits up.

"Don't be ridiculous" he huffs out and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Okayyyy so what're the symptoms." Mei crawls from her spot on the floor and joins him in bed, sitting crisscrossed with her hand in her lap, and leaning forward eagerly.

"It's hard to explain… sometimes when MK is gone my chest hurts " he places a hand over his heart that was beating normally at the moment.

"And sometimes, when he's around, my hands get sweaty and it feels like I'm gonna throw up and…." He watches a wide unlearning Cheshire grin grow across his friend's face. He continues on, albeit, a bit more hesitantly.

"And….sometimes I can't talk right, and sometimes when he IS around my chest hurts also?" Mei was grinning so wide she was more teeth than she was girl.

"Why are you smiling…."

"OMFG!!?? You have a crush on Mk?!!!" She squeaks excitedly and rolls around in her back as she descends into what Red can only describe as absolute madness.

"What are you talking about??!" He sputters, Mei giggles a bit longer before finally pulling together and greeting him with a wide grin.

"Dude. Your like SO gay for him. 'My HeARt hUrTs WhEn hE’s not arOuNdddd~ " she mocks him in a fake tone and he growls hitting her with a pillow..

"Stop that!" He growls.

"SToP ThAt~" she mocks back and they devolve into a pillow fight on her bed. He girns when he hits her smug face squarely with a dragon stuffie.

Soon they lay panting on her bed and the dragon girl rolls onto her stomach poking him in the face.

"So. Crushing in MK huh?"

He grows beat red again and pulls a pillow into his face and groans.

"You should tell him."

Red son sits up with a smile.

"I should!"

"Yes!!"

"So I can tell him to stop making me sick!"

"Say what now?"

He turns to Mei with a feral smile. This 'crush' or whatever she called it could be fixed. If MK was the one giving it to him. He just needed MK to stop doing...whatever he was doing to make him feel like this.

"Hold on I think you are conf-"

"Thanks Mei!" He gets up and is off to confront the noodle boy as he hears Mei shout at him from her room.

"You're a fucking idiot!!!"

-----------

He storms forward like a typhoon. Red son is a force of nature that can not be stopped, nothing could yield him in his goal or hinder him in his path. Wild horses pulling chariots could not stop him, celestials in heaven would not dare stand in his way, and even his parents (by far the scariest force of all) could not persuade him to rethink what he was doing.

He pushes past the doors to Pigsy's noodles, shoves past patrons and ignores the warning shouts from the pigman.

he had one goal on mind

"Nyyyooodle boy!!!!!!" He bellows grabbing the attention to his problem. Those perfect expression color eyes meet him and the disease in his chest grows. He's in his training clothes, clearly on his way up to his apartment over the shop so he can shower.

Why did the idea of MK showering make his heartbeat erratically? Soft shoulders and cascading water off them…

She shakes his head back and forth now back on track.

"Stop. That." He growls out grinding his teeth together as steam leaves his ears. MK tilts his head slightly. The disease grows more in his chest and he hates it.

"Stop that!!!!" He points directly at MK feeling his hair sputter and spark as his temperature rises. He thinks his face is growing red.

"I'm….not doing anything?" MK gives him a sheepish smile, the kind that quirks up on one side and absolutely obliterates Red Son on the spot.

Like a crunchy fall leaf under the heel of a boot he's crushed.

Whatever motivation he had before it evaporates quicker than a drop of water in the Sahara desert.

"Y-your haven't heard the last of me!!" He makes a quick retreat, stumbling over his own feet and taking out one of Pigsy's tables in the process.

He exits the shop faster than he entered. He needed to regroup and strategize.

-----------

"SoooOOOOOo How'd it go?" Mei asked her eyes not leaving the screen, she's playing a different video game now, and she didn't even spare him a glance when he came back as if she predicted he would fail.

"Horrible!!! All it did was make this sickness worse." He throws his arms up and paces back and forth biting his lip. Mei doesn't pause her game this time, only continuing to mash buttons as he grumbles under his breath.

She lets out A long-suffering sigh and finally pauses her game.

"Dude. I know you're behind on the lingo and stuff but a 'crush' isn't a sickness. It means you like MK. As in you want to kiss him and stuff." she explains with a shrug unpausing her game and the sound of power-ups and pixelated men punching each other continues.

Red Son halts in his tracks

He pictures kissing MK. pressing his lips to the boy's soft adorable lips. He can practically feel the warmth it would produce. He pictures MK smiling into the kiss as they awkwardly bump noses. He pictures holding MK’s hand, squeezing it gently as they walk hand and hand. He imagines the feeling of MK’s hair between his fingers as he runs his hands through it.

He sucks in a gasp, his heart beating out of time.

Of fuck.

“I’m so screwed…..”

He feels Mei patting his shoulder, she paused her game again when he was fantasizing

“Yeah, you are. But at least now you can DO something about it.” she nudges his side and he blushes a bright red and he can hear her chuckling at him

--------------

“Can we talk?”

MK blinks back at him looking back and forth for a moment as if he was confused by his precence. Which to be fair he DID just enter through MK’s window while he was showering and was now waiting for him on his bed.

“Uhhhhh sure?” they rub the last remaining moisture from his hair with a towel before tossing it to the floor to be added to piles of laundry they had yet to do. Red Son didn't even curl his lip up at the slob-like behavior because HOLY SHIT MK IS SHIRTLESS!!!

Of course, MK didn't even seem to care that he was only wearing grey sweatpants in his presence. Red Son guilty looked MK’s chest up and down while they searched for a sleep shirt. Working out with Monkey King has been paying off because MK was sporting some muscle. He also had a few scars from battles that only added to how attractive he was, and of course, there were the two faint top surgery scars under his pecks.

“Is this about your weird episode in the shop today?” they asked pulling him from his guilt ogling and MK pulled a shirt over his body. Damn what a shame.

“Mei says I have something called a ‘crush’ and I should ‘tell them how I feel’ in order to make the pain in my chest go away,” he explained using quotation marks with his fingers to punctuate himself. MK’s eyes widen slightly and then it's schooled quickly. They join Red Son on the bed.

“O-oh? Have you told them?” MK squirms in place and keeps his gaze cast down. He looks uncomfortable, no. he looks upset? Why would MK be upset? Was it because he broke into his room again without permission?

No not that. Although he will have to apologize later

“I’m working on that part,” he explains scooting closer to MK and he grabs one of their hands gently. This felt stupid, and he thinks his sickness will kill him with how quickly his heart is beating. He was terrified and all his symptoms were amplified by ten.

He looks into MK’s espresso-colored eyes looking for something. He loved those eyes. They showed so much in them and he SWORE they could change the whole lighting of a room.

He opens and closes his mouth like a fish out of water with his false starts. Eventually, he clears his throat and releases his confession.

“Umm well...MK. I h-have a crush on you.”

he shuts his eyes and waits for the rejection, waits to hear MK laugh with their head back and shove him away.

None of that comes.

He peaks an eye open to find MK’s face a bright scarlet red. Was that a good sign? Or was MK so angry at him that he was just building up anger inside of him like a volcano ready to blow.

“ I w-will leave now.” he pulls away ready to retreat with at least his dignity still in tack. He's pulled back violently and soft lips are smashed to his. He lets out a surprised whimper and absolutely melts into the feeling. His brain is electrified and static all at once.

He kisses back hungrily grabbing MK by the waist and pulls him closer. When they are running out of air only does MK pull away with a little breathless gasp.

“Stay the night?” They requested, placing a soft kiss to the juncture of his neck and he can’t find a single cell in his body that would possibly say no. He nods numbly and MK kisses him again a smile on his lips that he could taste.

----------

“MK GET UP! YOU ARE LATE AGAIN!!”

Pigsy burst down the door jolting the demon awake from his peaceful slumber, his arms that were previously wrapped around MK pull away quickly in the process. He thinks he could stick to the ceiling with his claws like a cat in a cartoon if he jolted just a little higher.

The covers are yanked off them both before Red Son even has time to protest. Thank gods they both put underwear back on when they finished satisfying each other. Red Son is completely and thoroughly exposed to MK’s boss, bitemarks, and hickes across his chest snitching on him.

Red Son and Pigsy meet eyes and he feels a sweat break out across his neck. Pigsy sighs and pinches his snout. He sucks in a deep breath and lets it out through his nose.

“I don't know what happened here... And I don't WANT to know. Tell MK he’s got ten minutes to get downstairs.” Pigsy turns on his heel and leaves slamming the door behind him. Red Son looks over to his now-boyfriend who’s mouth hangs open with drool dripping down his face.

MK slept through all of it.

He can’t help but chuckle and kiss their forehead gently.

[troglobite]

okay i am loath to admit this to any medical or psychological professional in my life but i do feel i need to say

my therapist asked me how i’m doing w having received an Official Diagnosis for hEDS, and now having MCAS too (which hasn’t been Officially Diagnosed but like honestly, we’re fully on the right track here, and it takes like a skin sample to test to prove it)

and my answer to her was kind of funny but true

i’m VERY happy--honestly normal for anyone trying to get a difficult diagnosis who’s known they might have it, etc. 

but i’m also feeling like the 12 year olds all of us are looking at like “....i am. so happy for you. [quietly seething but not in the 12 year old’s direction]”

y’know what i mean? i KNOW ppl have taken YEARSSSSSS to get an EDS diagnosis even though it was BLATANTLY OBVIOUS bc they had an even more serious type of it! drs who wouldn’t get them a genetic test even though other family members had it--or worse, other family members definitely had it but had never been diagnosed, so they were like “well no one in your family had it so i won’t test you” like dO YOU NOT SEE THE PROBLEM YOU’RE PERPETUATING HERE?!

anyway.

so point being i feel like the 12 year old going around talking abt how their parents have tried out 3 pronoun sets for them, how they’ve changed their name four times, how all their friends are queer, etc., and wearing like badges and pins on their bags in MIDDLE SCHOOL. 

with all of the adults looking at the 12 year old like--heartwarmingly happy that it’s possible &that this child isn’t suffering, but also so so so bitter that it couldn’t happen for them. 

so that was the answer i gave her

and it is TRUE. i do feel that way. i sometimes feel that way re: queer and trans stuff, too. i was never beaten up or anything and i just avoid coming out to ppl who won’t take it well, or i keep them out of my life--and i have the privilege of doing that, y’know? and for the most part ppl have been chill abt my pronouns. mostly.

so anyway that’s the Big part of it.

the other part of it that i haven’t voice aloud is....

this diagnosis is satiating a very weird childhood thought/feeling/urge/desire of mine that i haven’t thought abt in a long time. 

i think it also kind of happened when i realized i was autistic.

basically--

i feel vindication and joy and a thrill at there being something...idk any better way to say it. something “kind of wrong with me”. just a little bit. 

y’know what maybe i should talk abt this in therapy bc this could probably be related to uhhhhh--....well a lot of things. succinctly: thinking i don’t deserve positive love attn and support most of the time. 

so having something diagnosed about it is like HA-HA! I HAVE A LEGITIMATE REASON TO ASK FOR SUPPORT AND ATTENTION!

there’s also this weird thing of like

oh i do get to complain abt my body hurting! and that matters! and it’s not an embarrassing thing of me just ~being out of shape~ or ~doing something wrong~ or whatever! like 

something is just WRONG with my body’s collagen! like it don’t work right!

and so both autism and hEDS (and also MCAS) are like--

no, no. you ARE miserable ALL THE FUCKING TIME. and you ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. and that’s fine. and like we [diagnoses] can point at all of this stuff for you and be like “no yeah, it’s actually legit, i promise”

i’m sure this will wear off bc it has for autism. or at least i’ve hit a different wall w being autistic.

but idk i just have this THRILL of being like. no something is wrong w me but not in a scary way, so i can just. have attn and support abt it. 

i feel weird and guilty for feeling this way but as i’ve recently discovered, i have MANY unresolved and unexamined issues around this sort of thing. and i imagine it’s not all that uncommon.

also though i’m fully aware that even with diagnoses most people don’t get the respect or support or concern or empathy and compassion that they would deserve even without diagnoses. 

it’s just an internal thing for me. it’s a weird--okay i feel like i’ve read abt other ppl having this fantasy as a kid.

like breaking an arm and getting all the attention in the classroom. some kids lowkey fantasize abt that, right? i was one of them.

and this kind of. scratches that itch in a way. 

so this is where i’m currently at with Processing It All. 

and mostly what i’ve done is just recommend my dr to ANYONE in the area who needs help w any type of EDS or MCAS or even POTS (which i don’t have) bc i want to just make sure everyone can get a diagnosis and speak with a dr who is as proactive, respectful, helpful, kind, generous, and knowledgeable as this woman i’m seeing now. 

like i truly cannot overstate how amazing and helpful she’s been, and i’ve only had 3 appt with her. 

ANYWAY so that’s it. i just wanted to. put these feelings somewhere and think abt them out loud. i haven’t been able to talk abt it with my mom & the fear abt sharing this w anyone in certain positions in my life is like--i don’t want them to think i’ve somehow faked this, y’know?

although it’s p fucking hard to fake a 7/9 on the beighton scale with several other points in favor of hEDS as well as a “variant of uncertain significance” on a gene that codes for collagen so like lololol

ANYWAY

me, hunched over my laptop bc my stomach’s upset so i got to sit up straight and my shoulder pops and my upper back sounds like bubble wrap lolololol

ANYWAY

[poisonedsimmer]

Check In Tag!

Got tagged by the ever wonderful @morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy TY for always so so sweet and so awesome! 💗 why did you choose your url? Well this blog is about sims and my current online username is BelovedPoison soooo I’m a simmer who’s been poisoned with simming addiction and love. Therefore PoisonedSimmer. Also I was too dumb to think of anything smart sooooo bleh here we are! lol any side blogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. On this account, no. My original sims account used to be a sideblog itself, but I’ve since restarted and so far only this blog on this account. how long have you been on tumblr? Oh jeeze, uh... idek! Since like 2009, maybe 2010 originally. For this account of course a few months. lol do you have a queue tag? Nope! I always mean to but I haven’t thought of a specific queue tag related to me yet. Plus I don’t often use my queue, not gonna lie. I mostly tend to just reblog stuff when I see it. Or occasionally I’ll do a bulk upload using the queue but I don’t use it much at all. why did you start your blog in the first place? Because I LOVE photography irl and I LOVE taking pics of my sims too. I wanted to share pics of my sims and this is honestly one of the best/easiest places to do that, even with the drama that can occur sometimes. Also I wanted to make some sims stories for a few of my sims, and this is definitely the better/easier site for that. why did you choose your icon/pfp? Because Neo and Heiss are cute and together and I adore them and I LOVE their sim forms so I just wanted them there. why did you choose your header? Ummm idk I just loved the colours and the lighting and the posing and the two sims really. It’s a little cyberpunky looking almost and I ADORE my Corpse sim and also my Damon sim. They are two of my fav sims I’ve ever made so I had to put them up there. XD and I haven’t taken another pic so far that I want to replace it with. I love my boys. lol what’s your post with the most notes? On this new account, this one, on the original version of my account, this one Never thought one of my posts would have half as many notes as either of these two. O.o! how many mutuals do you have? Ummmm? Quite a few? Honestly idk. Ngl I’ve never counted or kept track. I just like following awesome people and sometimes they follow me back! Or awesome people follow me and then I follow them back. So yeah no clue sorry. how many people do you follow? 143 how many followers do you have? hurr hurr also 143 so that’s new! Never paid attention before but this is funny to me XD have you ever made a shitpost? Oh abso-frigging-lutely! I am not a huge shit poster but I’ve definitely done multiple times. Sometimes not even on purpose lol did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won? More than I can remember honestly. I mean it’s not huge amounts but I don’t really back down from fights sooooo... The main one I remember, well uh their stupidity was not only annoying, but their lack of inclusion and their repeatedly going around in circles pissed me off so I just fucking blocked em. Did I win? Idk but it felt like a win to stop seeing them or having to respond to them, so as far as I’m concerned, I absolutely won! XD how often do you use tumblr each day? Uhhhhh I couldn’t even count! Like I am constantly on and off. Sometimes only for a minute or two, sometimes for much longer, but how many times I do that? I wouldn’t even know where to start with counting this honestly. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts? Don’t like it. Ngl it bugs me. I don’t NEED to anything unless I want to actually and I won’t accept people telling me what to do. I will reblog things I want/feel the need to. But honestly, when I see posts that say I NEED to reblog it, just that wording makes me not wanna do it. Don’t force people to reblog things, even if they are important! I bet a lot more people would do it if they didn’t feel so forced and pushed into it. Sorrynotsorry. do you like ask games? YES! Asks, ask games, yes to all! I love them, my inbox is always open. Feel free to talk to me, send me ask games, literally anything. do you like tag games? YESSSSS! I always feel like I’m bothering people when I tag them in the games, sorry people ilu! But I do find great joy when anyone tags me in things and wants to ask me stuff about me, my blog, my sims etc which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? Oh jeeze ummm let’s see now. Void-imp, Veethe, Lazysunjade, Ladykendalsims, Cyansimblr, Wistfulpoltergeist, Thekunstwollen, Oydis, Aniraklova, Raccoonium. There’s more but like those ones are ones that definitely stick out to me as ‘oh hey they kinda tumblr famous!’ :D do you have a crush on a mutual? Nope! Sorry, ilu all but I’m taken and my love for you all is purely platonic. <3 Tags Ummmm if I tag you, please don’t feel like you have to do this. I will totally understand if you don’t want to/already have and I somehow just missed it. @lazysunjade @cyansimblr @void-imp @neriney @katterpile @disasterbri @clumsyghostie @veethe @pixeles @pixelit0s @ezradical @amuhav @plasmavamp and if you see this... @ YOU! Conisider yourself tagged <3

[giurochedadomani]

Fic-in-progress type of update that has gotten a tiny, little bit out of hand but I regret nothing and I really want to share it

I’m doing the third and final part of this. 

When I do get to finish this I feel like it’ll work just fine as a one shot, but. Just to give you some context: this scene of the story takes place after a botched plan ends up with the son of a rival capo dead at the hands of? Leonardo? I never bothered to write out what exactly happened on That Fateful Night and now I’m taking 100% advantage of that.  

The thing is, the other mafioso certainly blames him. When Primo manages to keep Leo out of jail by putting the blame of the murder on the son of the town’s mayor, their rival decides to take justice into his own hands, failing to consider how little Primo is likely to stop until he owns the city and ends with every kind of threat vaguely pointed in his direction, Leo’s or this family he has adopted himself into. Enter: 

[Gioia Tauro, Saturday night] 

Uhhhhh there are things I can tag for: mentions of abuse re: Primo’s childhood, discussions of murder and other Mob related stuff, but there are other things that I can’t really tag without spoiling away what happens,  so I’m gonna highlight that this story is basically about a mob war and that violent stuff happens and use the handy ao3 sign of ‘Author decided not to display any warnings’

“Do you want me to tell you, or not?”

“I don’t know, you seem to be doing quite well on your own”. 

It comes off way drier than Leonardo means to, and the without me goes over them, unspoken. He bites the tip of his tongue and stands his ground and tries not to picture the hint of hurt that passes over Primo’s face as Leonardo goes through his business, picking up his suit’s jacket and the briefcase from the sofa as the other looks at him like some kind of gargoyle while he fusses through the office. 

“A bomb. In his office”, Primo explains, slow, after a moment, blatantly ignoring him. “Next week, we’re aiming for Friday, although Fiore needs to tie up some loose ends”. A beat of silence. “I insisted on it being Friday. Less people in the building that day, like you said”. Leonardo won’t give in to Primo’s unsubtle attempts to win him over. “I was going to tell you”. 

He gives the other a sharp look. What he means to be a sharp look, really. It’s kind of endearing that Primo cannot withstand a grand total of half a minute of silence treatment. No, Leonardo’s still pissed that he didn’t call him into the meeting. 

“What loose ends?”, he asks, tone clipped.  

“ID passes. He wants to get a couple of original ones”, rob some innocent cleaning lady of her own pass, more likely, Leonardo thinks, as if he were in some shape or form morally superior to that, “and just modify the photos, keeping it simple. He can’t do that a week earlier, it’d be...”, Primo trails off, looking at him with a tinge of— 

It’d be less likely to call on any unwanted attention, that’s for sure. And truth be told, they’ve never been lucky with forgeries. It’s not as if they’re trying to enter the fucking Quirinale, and one would think that a sleepy guard on a Friday morning wouldn’t pay much attention to some cleaning staff’s passes, but it doesn’t hurt to be a little bit extra cautious: Romano has proven himself to be able to become quite the headache. And he can’t help feeling a little satisfied at how Primo is not diving head first into danger for once in his fucking life— no. He’s annoyed.

Leonardo hums, pensive. He locks the door of his office after they step outside, and speaks again once he finds another direction in which to funnel his irritation. 

“What’s their story, if they’ve got to flee the scene”.

Primo frowns. His patent confusion vindicates Leonardo, for some fucking reason. He focuses on that instead on how much it pisses him off that he already knows that Primo will avoid simply saying that he’s sorry, as if the words were fucking poisonous. 

“They don’t manage to do it, what do they do”, he insists.  

The eerie stillness of the building, empty at that hour, just makes Primo’s silence louder as they walk to the elevator. 

“Why, if someone had thought to ask just that”, Leonardo concludes, sarcastic, stabbing the push button. 

Primo huffs. He can behave like a child all he wants, Leonardo is not going to give in. He’s fully capable of becoming as difficult as Primo can be, when he puts his mind to it. Let’s see if the other can take his own medicine—  

“Her name’s Lucrezia”. 

…

Leonardo is so thrown off by the non sequitur that he almost manages to momentary forget about his exasperation. He stares at Primo for a long moment, the doors of the elevator opening and staying open for them. “...She’s one of his classmates”, Primo adds, as if that clarified anything. 

Leonardo’s bewilderment must be patent on his face because Primo makes a whole show of rolling his eyes, looking up as if asking God for patience. He grabs him and pushes him inside the elevator, pushing the button to the ground floor. 

“Francesco”, he starts again, slowly, once the doors close off again. He’s probably aiming to be more comprehensible, but doesn’t manage to make it look as if he’s not in some way explaining things to a baby. “He’s not out there doing…”, he has to think for a moment to land in something Leonardo could possibly be pissed off about, and he’s not entirely convinced when he says: “...Drugs, or whatever the hell you’re worried about. He’s just got himself a...”, he trails off again, does a florid gesture with his hand as if he could grab the right word, ends up saying a very dubitative: “... friend”. He shrugs, as if deeming it a suitable enough explanation. “So yeah. You can stop being insufferable now”. 

Each button keeps getting illuminated as they descend, a little peep sounding each time they pass a floor. So that’s what was up with them both. Leonardo feels tranquility washing over his surprise, before his gut settles on uneasiness as he continues looking at Primo and the stiffness of his shoulders. 

He passes a hand over his face. 

“Francesco’s got a girlfriend”. 

“You’re not this dense on the usual”. 

“And he told you about it”. 

He’s well aware that Franceso regards Primo with an undercurrent of hero worship. He’s also intimately familiar with how despite the fact that Primo is a man of many hidden talents, romance is, to put it mildly, not the subject he feels most comfortable with. The other is fucking with him in some way, he can’t help feeling sure of that, and it makes him kind of tense not being able to point out exactly where. 

Uncharacteristically of him, Primo feels the need to fill the silence. 

“Don’t be jealous”, he starts once the doors open, and he sounds a tad arrogant, as he always does when— “I told him to do a formal presentation at some point, bring her home to have dinner and all that stuff, let Regina gush and… yeah”. He turns to face Leonardo once he realizes that he has stopped on his tracks, adds, defensively: “You have been weird all fucking day. That’s why I didn’t tell you to come into the meeting”. 

“Lucrezia”, Leonardo repeats. The name sounds familiar. It’s Primo’s closed off expression what makes realization fall onto his mind like a circuit breaker blowing up the fuse: a scratching sound and then fade to black. He stares at Primo in disbelief, mouth hanging open until he can work around the knot at his throat. 

“Brambilla. Lucrezia Brambilla. Brambilla, as in. The daughter of the—”. 

“Yes”. 

A well-mannered girl, soft spoken and sweet. He has seen her in passing, disappearing behind the tinted windows of his father’s fancy car at the entrance of Francesco’s high school. He knows her father better. Sergio Brambilla.

Prosecutor. 

“And you told him it was a good idea?”, Leonardo asks, in which he’d defend as a very reasonable tone of voice, given the circumstances, but doesn’t perhaps quite manage to hit the whole discreet thing, because Primo makes a sharp movement in the general direction of the night guard booth.

“What’s exactly bad about knowing what the fuck happens in that house?”

Of course. Of fucking course Primo would think it’s a good idea. He doesn’t even know why he’s surprised except that for the very little, trivial fact that he cannot believe what he’s hearing!

“You had a hand on it!?”

Primo has the sheer audacity to look offended. 

“Me? In what? How the fuck could I possibly— As if it were my fucking fault now that your kid likes blondes!” 

“I swear on everything that’s holy, Primo!”

Primo throws a look to the booth over his shoulder, then at him, then promptly grabs his arm and pushes him forward, making him advance towards the garage entrance, past the night guard, who takes a look at them and searches to fade with the wallpaper behind. He loves Primo, God damn them both, he does, but sometimes he’d hit him with a fucking chair, but also no, because someone’s got to keep a levelled head and he refuses to go down the level of a machiavelian, manipulative jerk who deems feasible to intervene in his son’s life like— 

“Shut up for a fucking minute, will you”, Primo says, which is fucking rich. Leonardo shoves him off the moment they’re passing the first row of cars, the itch of a fight bubbling right under his skin. Primo doesn’t continue after seemingly making sure that he’s going to listen. He takes a deep breath before doing so, evidently to rile himself in, which would be the most annoyingly petulant thing in the world if he were any other person. “He took a liking to the girl on his own. They’re classmates, as I said. They’ve been friends since the start of the year, and now, well”, he shrugs, ostensibly. “She’s also going to study in Rome, it seems”. 

It hurts. The fact that not only did Primo know before him about it, but that he has done so for such a very long time. 

“And you planned to tell me when, exactly?”, Leonardo can’t help but to interrupt.

Primo copies his sarcastic tone when he answers: “When you’ve decided to make a problem out of it, perhaps?” 

He knows in his heart that Primo trusts him, and that he does so seemingly to a further extent than anyone else. That he loves him, in his own peculiar way, and that he’d move heaven and Earth to protect him, and his family. That’s why it’s so hard to wrap his mind around the fact that he wouldn’t even bother to mention something like this. Besides, the careless way he’s speaking about it doesn’t really sit well with Leonardo. As if he had landed himself had single handedly on court when he came to know the girl’s father: “You remember that Brambilla accused me of murder, don’t you?” 

“You were acquitted”, the other replies, instantly, tone tense. “You’re a model citizen, for all the guy knows”.  

“He defended that I’m a mafioso”, he insists. He remembers the charges line by fateful line. Refusing to talk about it won’t make him forget what happened, notwithstanding Primo’s look on the subject. “He said that I planned to set up a cocaine distribution ring with the money I supposedly stole from—”. 

“Nothing about them getting together forces you to have a good relationship with Brambilla”, Primo points out, exasperated, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “It’s Francesco the one who’s dating his daughter”. 

Leonardo limits himself to stare at the other from the other side of his Berlinetta when they reach it.  

He should have confronted Francesco directly about it, but no, because the kid’s got an angelic face of never having done harm to a fly and he’s soft. Regina has a sixth sense for these things, she would have been a better option, except that he feared that Francesco would have gotten himself in bigger problems than a girl. It’s not a girl, though, not just like that, and really, there’s probably an option that he has somehow missed that would have prevented him from ending up in a parking lot, being looked at as if he’s hawk’s prey. 

He sighs, opens the car and gets in, going through the usual motions as Primo follows him suit, putting the briefcase on the backseat, his jacket covering it after he fishes out his keys from one of the pockets. 

Francesco could easily say the wrong thing, in the wrong moment, to the wrong person, and neither of them would be none the wiser. He could rat them out in a bid to brag, or because he thinks that he can relax his guard. What if he breaks the poor girl’s heart and she wants to take revenge? He remembers how stupid young love can make you, how blind. 

“Telling Francesco that he can’t do it won’t work”, Primo says, serious, but not quite as biting. “You’ll just be handing him over the perfect excuse for him not to tell you shit in the future”. 

Leonardo wonders if it’s the girl sticking it to her father what appeals to Primo so much about the whole thing, he supposes the other could appreciate a kindred spirit. It’s obvious that he’s talking from experience, and Leonardo doesn’t know if he feels more insulted by the possibility that Primo might be comparing him to Salvatore, of all people, or to Primo’s own dad, of all fucking people, as if he had ever given the slightest indication that he’d beat— That he’d— Just considering the idea that he might have to explain to the other that not every son has quite the same relationship with their father as Primo did with Angelo Nizzuto makes him kind of nauseous. 

Primo must sense where his mind’s heading because he ends up adding: “Doesn’t matter if you’re nice about it, but you can be my damn fucking guest if you want to try”. He shrugs, then looks out of the window, as if he were washing his hands out of the situation instead of biding his time, as Leonardo is completely convinced he’s doing. 

This is a lost battle, if Primo has already taken such a defensive stance on the subject. He’s got months on him, despite all (“They’ve been friends since the start of the year, and now, well”), more than enough time for him to look at Francesco and Lucrezia from every possible angle and to collect every single argument in favor of their relationship before quick starting a confrontation with him. And really, he’s just so blind sided by the whole thing. He must be a really bad father not to suspect a thing for months.  

Leonardo puts the ignition key on, but Primo speaks again before he turns it. 

“I’ve just told him to be smart, to pay attention, and not to run himself into problems” he insists, softer. “Your kid can do that. You know he can. Besides, I’m keeping an eye on him”, he turns to face him, “You can at least trust that, don’t you?” 

That’s very unfair of Primo. It’s not a question of trust. Francesco’s a very inexperienced hot head. He’d be up to his knees in problems before he recognizes the first signs of danger, let alone ask for help. 

“He’ll tell me himself if he does fuck up, you can be sure of that. Holy hell, he just won’t stop talking about the girl, you know? Lulu this, Lulu that”, Primo continues, as if he knew full well that he’s picking at his reticences little by little. Leonardo’s running out of excuses not to associate the pang in his chest with the notion that he’s been kept outside this little secret. “He calls her Lulu”, Primo explains, seemingly flabbergasted at the notion, which is very boldly rich coming from him, and kind of makes Leonardo want to ask him what exactly makes Lulu any more ridiculous of a nickname than Leo. 

He snorts, despite himself.  

Primo smiles a little when he sees him doing so, as if he’s just proved his point. It’d be so annoying, if it wasn’t so genuine.  

“Better to wait the whole thing out. Let him go to Rome. There are more options in Rome. He’ll just grow bored, with time”. Leonardo raises an eyebrow. Primo’s smile takes the barest turn to playful. He deadpans: “Worse case scenario, they do end up getting married and we need to find you a proper suit to wear. You look hot with a suit. I don’t see a downside of the situation for anyone involved”. 

Just like that. As if it were so easy. 

He’d like to have a smidge of Primo’s unwavering faith in their future, of his unstoppable conviction that they’ll always come up on top, though he’s reduced to trust that the other knows what he’s doing and join for the ride. 

Leonardo’s done so many bad things in his life, this is surely his God given punishment. 

“When I told you to solve this I didn’t mean, like, personally”, Primo interrupts his train of thought making a vague gesture towards the backseat. “We’ve got people for that. You keep insisting on that: a good boss knows when to delegate”, he adds, in which Leonardo’s forced to interpret as his attempt to mock him. It’s very unfair, given how different is delivering the suitcase from when he told Primo that, that is, when he had to keep him in bed after getting shot, but he knows where Primo’s going with this. He knows this kind of dance. 

He looks at him and keeps silent, so Primo’s forced to elaborate. If he wants to have dinner with him, he can just ask. Primo purses his lips, frowns a little, but finally says, slowly: 

“I have an idea. That I want your opinion on”, then he stops for a moment, seemingly to revise what he’s going to say, and adds: “That we could discuss, with wine”. 

“You want to have dinner at the Olimpo, then?”, he insists, just to hear Primo say it, and not be the slightest bit surprised when he ignores him. 

“It’s got to do with your cousin. Does he still want to work for us?”

“Antonio? Yes”. 

“How fluent would you say that he’s in Spanish?” 

Leonardo takes the ignition key out. 

___

An hour later, Dante would finish his cigarette under the street light by the back entrance of the office. He would take a quick look at his watch, and he would get into the car after checking the backseat, adjusting the jacket slightly over the suitcase. If he came back soon enough, he could have dinner with his girlfriend, he’d think, fishing for Leonardo’s car keys in his pocket. Maybe he could take her out next weekend, treat her to somewhere posh by the port. He’d turn the ignition key on. 

…

KA-BOOM!!!!!

[lexicals]

Jfc I am BUZZING what a fucking episode. The first part of this is mostly screaming tbh

I love happy juno but also grumpy juno is my favourite welcome back

I love how firm peter is with him in stopping him from spiralling? It's good

Rita coming into her own!! Learning lessons!! Growing up!! Yes!!!

SO MUCH INFO THOUGH. Dark matters wants the crime family and they want them alive and they don't know anything about two of them but!! Which two!!

You'd presume nureyev is one but..... who knows ahh

This is gonna be mostly screaming I have no time for coherent thought rn

Juno being protective over rita godd

Juno comforting rita while she's panicking ;;

OH HEY FUCK THE NAME? I MEAN LIKE IT WAS ALWAYS A POSSIBILITY BUT RITAAAA

Me thinking no surely he wouldn't have just abandoned them and breathing a sigh of relief when he hadn't only for my boy to DO THIS?? ET TU PETER??

PETER

NUREYEV

DESERVES

TO

BE

BULLIED

I'm not serious but my guy had BETTER have a good reason for this. I would hope it's a long con of some kind or SOMETHING but PETER

Anyway if these people know his name idk if this is either 1. Blackmail or 2. Maybe he didn't get away from brahma all by himself after new kinshasa after all. Maybe he had help and it's finally come back to bite him in the ass. Who knows but I'm fucking 👀 PETER.

MISTER WHO

Also. Robot kisses 🥺

ALSO. Juno just. Picking him up and carrying him out of the room fhshdhdgs

MAMA BUDDY SO ANGRY THOUGH. I thought this would be the case but ooof

LESBIAN WEDDING TIME THOUGHHH Buddy and vespa inventing romance once AGAIN

I mean I'm sad they're retiring (although depending on what nureyev is doing here this "last job" could be UHHHHH DERAILED) but!! Yes!! Married!!

Knife girlfriend will finally be..... knife WIFE

Juno sniffling in the corner like ME TOO BITCH THE FUCK. Secretly a sap as usual though mr steel I love you

I can't remember other things I just. So much happened. I'm gonna need to listen again at least a few times here

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Oh FUCK also rita!! "When someone tells you what they want you to call them that's what you call them"!! Penumbra said trans rights once again thank you kabert and also ms jones. Bless

Not a second listen yet but more Thots:

Rly good episode...... and the robot kisses were very cute...... but I had this thought in pt. 1 and again this episode that I'm kinda bummed out that we've kinda just.... skipped over all the relationship development for juno & peter. Like on the one hand it's kind of unavoidable to miss stuff given the series format this time around but on the other it feels like 2 seasons of build up for something that.... just happened offscreen :/ Idk I was hoping for a first kiss back together or Something

On the one hand while it seems like nureyev is being a Snake™ I'm gonna hold back on actually saying he's gonna betray the crew bc he's been so consistently set up as the villain, going back to s1 when juno refused to trust him all the way through to shadows of the ship, and he's never actually proven himself untrustworthy a single time through that? Like, murderous mask has been the only time he's actually fucked anyone over for his own gain, and he went back on that one pretty quick

Plus the fact that he's only claiming to deliver the four items they need, not the curemother itself - it could be that he's planning to wait until after they've stolen the curemother when they no longer have a use for them, or at least I'd like to think so peter I'm fucking Watching You

Another thought: you know how else you might describe a debt? Something you owe to someone because, maybe, they have something of yours? A fucking ransommmmm

Also, why! Did! That! Bot! Not! Self! Destruct! Or at least not straight away. It's almost like someone wanted them to get away in the nick of time. There's a part of me that's wondering if the fact that dark matters is under mysterious new management and the fact that nureyev has made himself what seems like a very powerful enemy are linked, but we'll see. Either way I think someone definitely facilitated their escape, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was whoever is holding peter's debt, using the crew as a tool to get their hands on the four items they want and keeping nureyev as a source on their progress

Looking forward.... other people have said this as well, but I don't think nureyev is ever going to be cast as a villain here. At the very worst, he'll do something well-intentioned but kind of stupid, and it's gonna blow up in his face. Like, it's gonna hurt, but I think he'll come out of the other side better for whatever happens. Currently, my thoughts are on whether or not we'll see a repeat of new kinshasa - a high-stakes choice between someone dear to him, and the choice he feels he has to make, whether that's other people's lives again or something else. Idk, maybe not, I'm just thinking about the theming of the series with the past always coming back to haunt them, the fact that he's been said to be at a crossroads back in man in glass, and the part in tools of rust where the ruby gives jet the opportunity to make the same mistake he did fifteen years ago, and he chooses differently. Tbh as usual I'm just excited to see how things play out however that is

ACTUAL second listen this time:

Rita redacted I love you so much x3 combo. I missed this earlier but it needs to be said

Rita says she found nureyev's name by hacking into buddy's notes on him and comparing them to the outer rim criminal records which leads me to ask the question how much does buddy know? Why would rita be checking outer rim records unless something in buddy's notes pointed her in that direction? I've had my suspicions that she knows more than she's saying for a while but 👀

Nureyev sounds so nervous/scared too...... :(

I had this thought on the first listen but didn't write it down: nureyev is so goddamn smart, like so smart, I don't think he gets enough credit for that. Also him saying "one problem at a time, like [buddy] would say" was - oof. Considering how much time he spends referencing mag's advice in man in glass, even if he's bitter about it, I think that reference is very telling on how he thinks about her

Love the way he skirts around saying they have to move sneakily dhsgjf. Also "only twice" I do love him

Juno joking about his track record on not dying.... oh he's come a long way though

The way that nureyev talks to rita throughout them moving around - he's kind of a natural leader (which, ouch), but also it's clear that he has absolute confidence in her, he doesn't ever doubt for a second that she wouldn't be able to do something. It's obviously a little unempathetic when she's so shaken and doubting herself but also he clearly trusts her almost as much as if not as much as juno, and I do love to hear it

Detective falco? 👀

Juno looking on the bright side! Not blaming himself! Saying maybe it's gonna be okay and believing in her! I cry!

Except for when nureyev is in danger though ): I love that this story never shows recovery in a linear way, that juno is still inclined to beat himself up even if he is better than he used to be. He's growing but it's always gonna be a work in progress!

The fact that dark matters seems to be moving entirely towards remote operation now? Like it makes sense tactically, there's no risk of expending agents in a fight, I'm interested if the writers are gonna dig into that considering the real-world state of drone use in the military and law enforcement

Calling their heist marks "radicals", it seems like dark matters is trying to keep track of or maybe capture rogue (or radical) elements out in the universe - things like the knife and the key, which is probably why they were after m'tendere, they themselves being a radical element. I wonder if this is what brought the crew to their attention in the first place; it's definitely why they want to capture them alive at least, they want information out of them on why they're collecting the same marks

They specifically say two radicals though, and potentially a third, depending on whether the book is counted as the third that might mean they don't know about the map at all, maybe

I mentioned this another time but I'm wondering Again if dark matters was behind the mysterious disappearance of all the theia soul chips except for juno's, esp with what rita said about the interface for the bots being like theia tech - experimental tech like that would deffo be considered a radical element and they definitely could have used it as a basis for these new bots

Peter........ he's in a ROBOT stop being HORNY

"Galaxy-class criminals" huh.

Someone else pointed this out elsewhere idr who but buddy's line that sometimes helping people means trusting them to help themselves despite your concerns, when paired with what's going on with nureyev is.... interesting

WOW buddy is mad though

I'm REALLY wondering how much she knows about what's going on tbh, especially seeing as her pov is probably up next. Aaaaa I'm gonna be yelling for the next however many weeksss

Jet sounds so happy about the ruby being fixed aw

Vespa so nervous about making her announcement AW

Buddy sounds so HAPPY AW

Peter starts laughing right at the end when vespa starts threatening juno which,, oh boy ): I rly hope everything turns out okay ;;

Rita saying that sometimes trying to help someone in pain is being selfish because you just don't want to look at the hurt is a really interesting thing to come from her considering her long-standing relationship with juno, huh

“Before the year is out” is a very vague timeframe, once again thinking that nureyev’s plan may well be to only hand the items over once the heist is done

Anyway once again AAAAA

[myrmidryad]

For the ask meme - 26, 27 (basically I'm curious if you're writing anything at the moment but don't want to press if you don't like to talk about it!), and 40 for The House That Dripped Blood? (That fic still pops into my head and creeps me out at night sometimes, all your fic stays with me so strongly!)

26. What’s your biggest distraction when writing? 

Whatever else is on my to-do list for the day, and fucking around online, usually on tumblr. And sometimes my cat comes and lies on my lap and she doesn’t like me typing over her, so then I have to watch or read stuff instead, oh nooooo.

27. Do you like to give your readers some warning of what might be coming or just slap them in the face with content at random? 

Ha! I am literally always writing something, even if I try to only work on one WIP at a time because it’s easier keeping my head in one universe than switching between them. In terms of content warnings in tags, I try to tag everything relevant but I always worry about forgetting something. In terms of just dropping fic and fingergunning out that is uhhhhh definitely my MO yeah. I don’t usually do things like WIP Wednesdays or teasers or anything like that. I’ll sometimes show friends excerpts in private, but I don’t like posting publically until the whole fic is done, fully baked, cooked through.

40. How did you come up with the idea for [x fic]?

I literally just went digging into my Trash folder in Evernote, looking for the original planning note, and either I didn’t have it, or I can’t find it. I have a document that was the original beginning and that document was last modified in December 2014, so I obviously started it way before I posted it, which honestly tracks for me. The draft title was Village au, so I must have started it with The Village film (an M Night Shayamalan film with a lovely soundtrack and a wonderful spooky atmosphere and a bit of a bonkers plot) in mind, at least aesthetically. I wanted Grantaire to be returning to a village in the middle of nowhere, having fled it as a young man/child, and he’d be going back to confront both his memories and the actual spooky shit that exists there. That perfectly coalesced in him deciding to burn down his old house. I didn’t want to set it in the past because writing historical fiction requires research, so I set it in a vague future version of France with inspiration mainly drawn from The Chrysalids by John Wyndham, which is set in a post-apocalyptic world. I definitely also drew a little inspo from The Spook’s Apprentice by Joseph Delaney, which is the only book of the series I ever read, but it made a big impression on me as a kid.

Tl;dr - I must have rewatched The Village and imagined Grantaire et al in a similarly spooky setting, and added a haunted house to give it the spooky oomph and give Grantaire a reason to be there. I’m actually still really happy with that fic and the scary vibes in it! Thank you for the ask! 💙

[xaykwolf]

Yang!

YES

How I feel about this character I feel like she started out slow, but then HOOOOOBOY LEMME TELL YOU! Burning the Candle was GREAT, with the backstory dump, and then Painting the Town where we learn her semblance???? That was the mark of when I knew I’d identify most with Yang out of the team. Not to question my girl Blake’s word for her, but Yang? She’s Resilience. Not only does she get back up when she’s knocked down, she gets up stronger. You punch her tooth out? She’s taking your whole JAW. Take an arm? She’ll take your life. And to spite you, she’ll take her girlfriend back while she’s at it! And then sing a duet about it! Whups, got off track... Yang doesn’t let things stop her, not being a child with a baby sister, desperate to find her bio mom. Not having to take care of Ruby while Tai kept the bills paid. Not losing several people in her life of no accord of her own. Not even learning that the people in authority lied to them all and that Ruby and she lost their mother to an “undefeatable” villain. She’s taken basically what all of Remnant can give her, held it aloft on her shoulders, and laughed at Atlas (both the country and the Greek Titan pffffff). She shows herself to be very human in all of this, with her PTSD and her anger, and she’s one of the best examples of letting yourself trust again, in yourself and others. Throughout V6 and V7 she learns to let Blake back in again, to go from defensive to softening to healing to laughing in the same carefree way she did in the Emerald Forest. (And Oh, I Cry). Her semblance is proof that she’s selfless (sometimes to a fault, but hey, there are worse faults), strong, and courageous. She starts out as someone who just “goes with the flow” and develops into an outspoken defender of her team and their mission who questions people who tell her what to do. When she finally makes contact with her bio mom, she doesn’t take any of her bullshit, but instead learns important information and uses Raven as a springboard into the next chapter in her life. Her story with Raven may not be fully resolved for the narrative, but for Yang it effectively is. She’s let go of who she used to be and is looking forward to a future that she feels strongly enough to fight for with tooth and nail (metal or otherwise oop). TL;DR: I LOVE YANG XIAO LONG. (Also, I would go into detail about her songs and how they make me feel about her, but uhhhhh...I saved this question for last, so I know this post is already way too long...Maybe some other time.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character ~~BUZZ BUZZ MUTHAFUCKA~~ (no seriously, that’s it, like not even a crackship...honestly, for me that’s weird) I’d go into specifics as to why, but hopefully by now y’all understand (and oh my god, I just remembered the tiny piece of “This Time” during her fight with Adam ;^; ugh thEY)

My non-romantic OTP for this character Non-romantically? I fucking love her dynamic with Weiss. The tenderness of their connection, Weiss talking about her experiences growing up to help Yang process her feelings for Blake, that reunion hug with “Home” playing gently in the background? UGH YES. But also? Polar opposites, with the cool, calm, posh Weiss and the hot (lol), passionate, rural island Yang? The “Oh not YOU again!”, the argument over dance decor (“I said No Doilies!”), the “Don’t tell me to calm down!” over early-morning coffee? SPICY. I can’t wait to see more of both the gentleness and the headbutting in the future. Also... “Your mom kidnapped me?!” “You kidnapped her?!” XD

My unpopular opinion about this character The arm doesn’t vibrate sue me lol My ACTUAL most unpopular opinion ties in to the last question below, so I’ll just talk about it there.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. I know it’s rather controversial as to if her early treatment vis-a-vis her trauma was done properly. Not smoothly, I think we can pretty much agree it wasn’t smooth, but properly. And while there were things that in retrospect make better sense, I still have several misgivings with Yang’s treatment, including and exemplified by Tai’s reference to her PTSD as “moping”. I know V4 didn’t have much runtime to let the characters breathe, and for that I give it some grace, but that line? That line just gets my blood simmering. Say what you want about his “brain cells” joke (which I still have trouble every time I watch it), or about him calling her semblance a “temper tantrum” (he’s wrong), but calling Yang’s traumatized reaction to being dismembered and having her love partner run from her like so many others in her life “moping”? NO. My answer is this: I wish Yang had received the time she needed to process what had happened at the Fall of Beacon, with the emotional support of a father that did not project his own ideas about recovery onto her and make her believe she needed to leave Patch before she was actually ready to get back out into the fight. *I will admit the DC comic went a ways for me personally to correcting this issue (both with her not having, like...any time to emotionally process and heal on-screen, and with Tai’s response to her). I just really wish we’d gotten it in the show too. (Sorry for the soapbox, I just...hate that word “moping” in context of canon. As a person with PTSD and as a future therapist.) ALSO BEE KISS LOL

[theskyexists]

she-ra 4

the reason i stopped watching she-ra is the same reason i stopped watching the dragon prince.

the narrative doesn’t take the situation seriously. instead of leaning into the anguish of war and violence (atla, teen titans) - they make light of it. EVEN when the characters’ guardians are KILLED!!

when Angella died and they spent 2 seconds on Glimmer’s grief at the end of season 3 i was like......actually fuck this. HOW can i take any of these stakes seriously when they insist on brushing them off???

anyway just had to complain about that - especially because the start of the first ep of 4 is them joking AGAIN about something as grim as Glimmer now carrying all the responsibilities of her mother - who may i remind you IS DEAD

but catradora became canon apparently so now i have to struggle through

her aunt, her mother’s sister, is fuckin, joking about cakes, her friends are laughing at the joke. COME ON! how goddamn unrealistic and insensitive. EVEN if they wanna make a point of it - it’s silly! because the narrative PARTICIPATES in making light of the situation. if it was just the characters it would be less jarring

‘we’ll make sure this day is perfect’  WHAT? how could it EVER BE IF HER MOTHER IS FUCKING DEAD????????? AND THAT”S THE ONLY REASON SHE’S QUEEN????? ‘must be hard’ YEAH IT’S HARD - IN FACT IMPOSSIBLE. instead of pretending to be happy maybe you can show some genuine sensitivity. these people are so crazily emotionally underdeveloped my god. what age are they supposed to be? 16? 17? The problem that She-ra has (just like the dragon prince) is that there are no relevant adults. Oh sure there’s a Queen, and some Soldiers, and a Sorceress. But there isn’t a single relevant competent adult around who is concerned with running a bureaucracy or the emotional stability of children

I do like how Catra has overcome her fear of Hordak. but i think i remember being fuckin furious at her for almost destroying the whole world and hurting Scorpia and betraying Entrapta just to spite Adora. vaguely.

the rebellions problem is that they’re all extremely stupid himbos. like literally, in the whole story, only catra and shadowweaver have any smarts, while glimmer gains the ability to think during full moons on wednesdays. meanwhile everybodys is a slave to their emotions - which destroys any brain cells that shadowweaver or catra (or angella or anyone) might have managed. they could literally have killed hordak the entire time but just let him order them around because they’re so hot for acknowledgement

I’m glad Glimmer reflects my frustrations now hahahahaah

‘everyone is already acting like she doesn’t matter’  - yeah dudes, you fucking insensitive bastards

‘im supposed to take care of you glimmer’ - but unfortunately i have the emotional intelligence of a crab! FUCK!

this is another thing about this show that makes me groan. sappy quick resolutions of emotional turmoil through re-affirming the fuckin power of friendship in the first episode of the season.

also couldn’t Adora have done this she-ra stuff from the very beginning

that was badass.....miss glimmer’s other hair though. ok the emotions at that hologram and statue though...

the coolest part of she-ra for me is finding out more how the ancient systems all fit into Etheria and the She-Ras and Hordak Prime etc.

THIS IS A GOOD SPEECH. love this badass.

love Hordak getting put in his place. Love Catra realising she has power - love Hordak reaping what he sows. its unfortunate that she’s a shitty brat who JUST can’t get over her inferiority complex

if i could endlessly teleport i would do what glimmer does

also, glimmer was willing to fuckin murder catra before and she DEFINITELY will be now lol. love that for her.

why did they only introduce adora learning to transform her sword NOW ahahaha, theyve had SO MANY SCENES in which she doesnt have it and then suddenly does - and then its gone again

scorpia is the funniest and most likeable person in the whole show

they really suddenly can’t take five people on with she ra and fuckin huntara on their side??

i remember that little sadistic righteous twist in my stomach when Adora finally was like: FUCK!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Catra!!!!!!! and the stupid idiot got it

FINALLY A GLANCE AT THE PEOPLE OF ETHERIA AGAIN! i love the party sequences in this!!! the people of etheria are so beautiful! nobody ever comments on the main characters all looking plain human in contrast....

‘and i fell for it!’  yeah cos you DUMB AS BRICKS ADORA

so first they quietly take out the guards....and then literally break open the door hahaahahahahaaha

‘we forgot the bots regenerate’ - yeah cos you DUMB AS BRICKS ADORA

i just dont understand why they insist on making the main characters so DUMB ahahahahaah

Adora and Catra are great at hitting where it hurts. the difference between them is that Catra KNOWS that she’s hurting Adora - she does it deliberately.

wow that could be some pretty angsty stuff constantly leaving her to struggle on the floor while painfully electrocuted. Catra has also moved to kill Adora straight up so many times. im sure she really wants to (but it would destroy her later). But now, Adora swept something at Catra that might have actually killed her. I get Catra though, I would’t want to get beaten by some blonde, blue-eyed, glowing golden kid who always gets to win and do better. this is truly the first time Adora has moved to kill Catra......

does flatterina not have parents who’d be like: uhhhhh maybe leave the soldiering for a couple more years?

catra truly burning all her bridges. hahaha. it’s so satisfying to see her use her anger and power to truly destroy herself - because of guilt!

no other villagers were like - HMMMMMMM this random new kid is here? weird..... i didnt see that coming either.

Adora doesn’t think about what Catra might have even been doing there - cos she’s DUMB AS BRICKS

the interesting thing about this show is that they’re setting up a dichotomy. they’re treating war like a high-stakes game because they have the good side adhere to an aesthetic of ....magic. they will not make the two sides equivalent in any way - which makes questions of morality moot. the show is purely an emotional drama. the horde is an army of brainwashed kids in an industrial wasteland - they fight with tech and guns. but the good guys cannot fight with an army or tech, they fight with cleverness and magic. they’re called the ‘rebellion’ - they HAVE to be underdogs because they have to follow the script of good - even though what’s really going on is war, not a rebellion. That’s why they have a single strike team that do ‘missions’. They are presented as FUNDAMENTALLY different - on the level of identity which they cannot change lest they destroy themselves - and in that way the good guys can never become the bad guys. it is ALMOST meta. think they’re gonna do something with that at one point. i hope

also Netossa has such a super cool design.

‘everyone knows you’re needed in bright moon’ - uh. really? i dont know. some random person i’ve never seen before demands you go to meetings. so? is that important? why?

spinerella can literally FLY???????? why has she been in the background this whole time??? hahahaha military inefficiency.

there was an explosion that ripped trees apart - but bo’s alive!! honesty why didn’t they try explosive suicide bots before. they’re very lucky he was still alive to heal

‘could they be tracking she-ra?’ WHAT? isn’t the obvious suggestion - A SPY???? they just assume that the general is right hahahahaa.

i love how double trouble is so meta.

actually, why wasn’t glimmer trained as a sorcerer anyway?

glimmer is upset about her growing magic plants but not her having magic ingredients

why do they present good strategic thinking (for once) as evil influence from shadowweaver

what a fuckin badass. honestly - glad that this show finally utilised glimmer’s extremely op powers like they should be. honestly, she’s much more powerful than She-Ra.

that bit with spinerella was so contrived jfc.

‘by using me as a decoy’ adora says, pissed off. uhhhh YOU went off on your own to get smushed by fuckin bots adora. Glimmer didn’t do that to you. she just used your stupidity.

glimmer really left catra to die. hahahahaa

i like adora best when she’s on her own and being a dork

they definitely managed to foreshadow that Light Hope was evil but im glad they picked up the thread now

am i seeing this wrong or did scorpia have two mums??? but also. where the fuck are they

lolololololol because everybodys dumb as bricks and emotionally volatile they’re incredibly easy to manipulate

‘i cant risk hitting flatterina’ pffft - ALL YOUR ARROWS ARE NON-LETHAL BO. ugh i cant deal with these contrived stakes

I LOVE THIS BADASS EFFICIENT HARDCORE GLIMMER

they’re really gonna spin it like this is a bad development? fuck off. finally some grit.

‘you took things way too far’ - but she got results! dumb as bricks adora

(this may seem harsh but adora is DUMB shes so fucking DUMB!!!! and she has many good qualities (such as an almost innate sense of morality) but goddamn. i guess its good to sometimes have a show about all around dumb characters. i mean, it’s not unrealistic per se, it’s just.....weird.)

the interesting thing about these characters is that you can SEE every single one of them struggling with cognitive dissonance. thats the big story of this show. they see the world a certain way - and then when something challenges that, they fight to the death to destroy or deny or ignore that new information - to everybody’s detriment. and they can’t back down because every step they’ve taken - would turn to sins they can’t live with. it’s interesting and its also a kind of conflict that‘s frustrating if not resolved at SOME point. thats why i love this season for its characters going off the rails. adora aiming to kill catra, catra destroying her last relationships, glimmer growing more and more militant.

they’re all acting like teens - that  is - highly volatile - unable to keep from provoking others or be provoked - but they ARE teens.

‘catra doesn’t care. she’ll hurt people to get her way (implied: EVEN people on her side)’ - we must remember that Scorpia was entirely fine with KILLING the trio (it was Catra that wasn’t at the time).

‘you’re a bad friend’ OH OUCH. Catra - who’s always been treated as a whipping girl by those in power - does the same to those she is in power over. But on some level she doesn’t WANT to be that. she’s just always always been rejected and take advantage of and lashed out at and abandoned by the people she considered important (shadowweaver ---- doing the same to catra that was done to her is so goddamn....it’s the story of this show. the simplicity and banality of damaging and hurting others and that carrying over to harm even more people - is the story of this show and it’s immeasurably frustrating and REALISTIC)

she still flinches at Hordak’s lashing out. but she imprints on him the exact lesson she’s trying to school herself in. If you don’t need anybody - you don’t want anyone - if nobody matters but the mission and winning - then you can’t be hurt. she wants to prove her worth - but she doesn’t realise that inherently means that she’s putting somebody in power over her - again and again and again.

mermista coming  in clutch with the braincells: there’s a spy! I love how this is played as completely implausible and just Mermista nonsense (who i love learning about) - while it’s so obviously true/

i actually love Adora when she’s being serious and heroic, or a huge dork. and she has the wit to RECOGNISE good ideas. but i just don’t understand why Adora is being big b about being used as a distraction. like....why?

i love that the underside of Mermista’s sneaker has a figure. but why the fuck is a common soldier with them (flatterina) and do they really think they can interrogate the whole castle filled with some shitty guards and...what - the guerilla troops they sometimes employ? where do they even live? ah in a tent city. ok

why is the GENERAL in front line combat WITHOUT SOLDIERS???? oh wait. glimmer did that too when she was general. lolololol

i understand why Adora doesn’t trust Shadowweaver and doesn’t want her around most of all - and Glimmer getting buddy buddy with her is hurtful. but...it’s not helpful to needle glimmer about it. but dismissing the guards around shadowweaver however? stupid of Glimmer. unnecessary. ‘what has she done but help us?’ - uhhhh she kidnapped you, corrupted your powers, almost wiped Adora’s mind. I wish Adora had summed up those things instead of leaving them implied.

so perfuma and mermista come across inconsistencies in the stories - but then. forget about it? i just...... UGGHGHGHGHGHGHGH. people really aren’t this dumb are they? they’re just NOT.

‘no more secrets and doing things without us’ - that was a good speech. but like, glimmer is right - she’s surrounded by INCOMPETENT IDIOTS lolololol. but good leadership is corralling idiots, Glimmer. not going off on your own. but she’s already planted the bait about the dining room.

‘we were the only ones who knew about the plan to take back dril’ ---- THEN WHY DID YOU INTERROGATE OTHER PEOPLE AHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHA

‘stop questioning my choices, stop whining about being a decoy’ YEAH FUCKIN HELL ADORA STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING SHIT. IS THIS REALLY ‘TAKING CARE OF GLIMMER’????

‘all you do is question my authority, it’s exhausting.’ yeah god...it really is. adora needs to fucking BACK! OFF! but im loving these fights because it brings out the grievances. Adora is right to be worried about Glimmer no longer including her in her decisions. and she makes a good point that that’s bad. She makes a good point that Shadowweaver cannot be trusted. And Glimmer makes zero good points - except that it’s been hard for her and has garnered 0.1% understanding from the people around her. Oh they were working together. BUT those were definitely real grievances.

GLIMMER CAN ALREADY DO A CONTAINMENT SPELL LIKE THAT??? godDAMN. castapella completely flunked her responsibilities to Glimmer but shadowweaver did NOT.

hmmm so Solinius was....destroyed. but like, did the people die? like....the people? that’s the important bit isn’t it? i mean, they were under the sea right?

i suppose the problem i also have is that this show will NOT hurry up. normally i love filler stuff but ...the characters are too.....cheery. too flat. their quirks are fun and funny until they’re literally character flaws.

are the horde just literally attacking civilians? jezus. the war crimes. how did shadowweaver ever expect to trick Adora when she was released into the field?

‘you can’t just keep going off on your own!’ - SHE LITERALLY SAVED THE WHOLE FUCKING TOWN. SHE’S THE QUEEN! EVERYBODY SHOULD LISTEN TO HER! lolololol

the problem with Adora’s points is that everything about their dynamics are always so nebulous. why cant glimmer keep showing up to help out? WHY??? she’s the most capable fucking soldier in the field! she’s supposed to have full fucking authority! like, Adora isn’t in the right here. the problem is that her needling is only a symptom of her worries - which is that Glimmer doesn’t trust her any more. but the needling does NOTHING but make her seem like an idiot

i do love this trope reversal here - Seahawk deliberately damselling them to let the princesses save the boys? pffft

love catra getting the consequences for her actions regarding Scorpia. You can’t keep lashing out at people and expect them to stay my dear cat.....

oooohhh Glimmer.... you’re treading close to very hurtful territory. Blaming Adora for the Rebellion failing? for things she couldn’t do anything about? stupid.

really?? you’re really gonna fucking fight-resolution BLOCK ME? are you FUCKING kidding me? edging me for the whole GODDAMN SEASON??? and finally Adora cries at Glimmer going over the line????  fuckin I HATE the narrative decisions in this stupid show I FUCKING HATE THEM FUCK THESE WRITERS GOD FUKCING DAMMIT!!! this has been the whole GODDAMN SHOW!!!!!! ARGHGHGHGHGHGH

i’ve been waiting for a fucking resolution for Adora and Catra the whole! goddamn! SHOW! NOTHING! else matters! you do the exact same for glimmer and adora and now you let it fester again??? because of some no-stakes BULLSHIT? just give me the fucking godddamn PAYOFF for watching these kids be IDIOTS.

this fight on the boat is COOL and really wonderfully animated

really? Glimmer’s response to Adora being hurt and not wanting to be TOUCHED is to be angry herself? what a fucking IDIOT. god i can’t stand this. I CAN’T STAND IT

is this how people act? do they never take a moment to breathe and think and reflect and realise their priorities and take a step back and fucking apologise?

jezus FUCKING! CHRIST!

‘no matter what glimmer thinks of me’ oh that HURTED. oh damn. that’s so relatable. it’s a way to run, it’s a way to internalise the hurt and then prove the things that hurt wrong. the one that hurt you

I know Bo is supposed to be the emotionally intelligent one but he’s also too soft. He should go up to his friends individually and ask them the sharp questions. not - ‘communicate more positively’.

I just like Adora so much better when she’s alone. Her friendships’ positive moments are always so sappy or so....like over-exaggerated, the negative moments always so fucking annoying. Alone, Adora is generally driven, tragic, and cool. the problem is perhaps that i don’t care for the constant fucking drama

god i LOVE Mara so much - she’s so beautiful. and i LOVE learning more about the Old Ones. So they were trying to study Ehteria’s magic.... but then Bright Moon and the princesses were already here. The Magic-Like systems of the Old Ones are pure tech.

wow! even Mara’s transformation is way cooler.

so why was the first one’s tech (she ra) responsive to the magic? why does Raz know about She-Ra? when she ra is first ones tech????

WAIT ONE SECOND. She-Ra is ‘magic’ ??? it’s the SWORD that’s the first one’s tech! She-Ra is Etheria’s magic ! but how if the First Ones chose Mara. Did they steal She-Ra from Etheria?

so what im getting is that. the Old Ones colonised Etheria. Etheria has magic, and when Mara was chosen they made that girl an elite soldier - giving her a first one’s tech sword so she could ‘control’ Etheria’s magic. Then Mara was told to study the magic of Etheria - the ship implying that she’d not been on the planet before. then they created a Heart of Etheria project - which will probably turn the magic into a weapon. this was going to be used against Hordak Prime, im sure. I mean, Mara saved Etheria, but she did doom the rest of the universe to...extinction.... like, judging from Hordak’s strategy, Hordak Prime just literally exterminates planets and repopulates them with his clones....

But why would the planet choose a girl from amongst the colonisers - twice?

OOOHHH that anguished scream. i love anguished screams

why dont they put fucking safety belts in these ships. it’s not like the ship didn’t survive. only Mara got splatted (i guess)

also i love Mara. but damn Adora just got some more shit on her plate. why the fuck was she pushed through a portal again? for a She-Ra chain reaction?

I love madame Raz.

So they didn’t explicitly use it against Hordak Prime. and it wouldn’t have destroyed Etheria back then but it will now...

guh this showmakes it so hard to enjoy catra’s pain.

well they did finally have a good talk about it. I have to say, Glimmer is making good strategic sense - it’s just that this show only rewards harebrained schemes

Catra having a crazy panic attack cos she can’t find Scorpia and she’s completely lost and she knows its her fault. kinda love that for her. my heart

my dear Glimmer, theres a difference between absence of trust and absence of agreement.

they’re bringing king micah back just when angella is dead? oh fuckin lol

the horde....exiled micah? they exiled Micah instead of killing him???

why do they ALWAYS interrupt important conversations? i hate that shit. it’s cheap. it’s unsatisfying.

now THIS is what im here for - that unstoppable WILL!! john gonzalez is right - we watch stories for characters overcomign obstacles. writing, is creating the obstacle course. .....what does that say about me and my life....hmmm.

‘light hope told me everything i need to know’ - uhhh no she didn’t. she didn’t tell you how to harness the energy at all. ugh

how the fuck did double trouble escape. seems to me that they didn’t actually. they were let go....

it’s always so stupid when people try to tell other people: oh no you’ve got no plan - this is too risky! when that’s NEVER a problem

Glimmer is going to activate the weapon just in time for Hordak Prime to use it. And naturally she misses the return of her dad. fuck this

they’re gonna have Hordak and Catra fight? hmm

Double Trouble is right - this IS good for her - and it IS Catra - except for Shadowweaver’s case - she was an abusive bitch

I love Scorpia’s new cool fight music and also glowy eyes

is glimmer going to throw herself into lava??

the unfortunate thing is that Hordak Prime is right on the doorstep and he took over the whole universe or whatever. so they could probably have used that weapon. i mean the Old Ones must have seen something coming. there must be a reason they’re all GONE maybe????

why did Adora assume that all those stars would be destroyed?

THE ANIMATION ON THAT FINAL STUFF WAS INCREDIBLE AND EPIC

how the fukc are they going to beat Horde Prime lolololol.

i guess Glimmer really shouldn’t have done that. but at least she was in time to bond with Catra.

[egotisticalee]

Lesson Learnt

this might get flagged by tumblr so i might have to post again with just the ao3 link (right here) but uhhhhh have my first ego smut in ages fueled by sleep deprivation. also i was listening to some nsp while writing this so strawberries is a reference to strawberries and cream

Summary: Bim's been running his mouth in meetings. Dark decides to teach him a lesson. (dom dark from me? shocker i know)

Words: 1693, Warnings: a little roughness from dark

As their meeting is finally dismissed, Bim stands up with the others, hoping to make a quick getaway. Meetings can quickly get out of hand, but Bim knows he's gone way out of line, and Dark is pissed. Dark is also between him and the door.

He holds back a flinch as he feels a hand wrap around his arm, stopping him in his tracks. Dark isn't particularly one for violence, but getting chewed out by him is never pleasant.

"Bim, could you stay behind for a minute?" Dark's tone is far from a question, and Bim nods quickly. Dark keeps a tight hold on his arm, and once everyone else has left, some throwing Bim a look of pity on their way out, Dark stands up. He lets go of Bim's arm, only to back him up against the wall and box him in with his hands either side of Bim's head.

"I understand getting heated, but do not act like that again. Is that clear?" he growls. It sends a shiver down Bim's spine, but it's not completely out of fear. Dark is so close, those jet black eyes piercing into his own, raking over his soul, and he can't look away. He's sure Dark can hear his heart start to race.

"Crystal clear," he mutters quickly. Dark hums and lifts one hand.

"You just need to work on that filter between here," he says, tapping one finger against Bim's head, "and here." His finger comes to rest on Bim's lips, and Bim can't help the blush that rushes to his cheeks, especially as Dark's gaze rests there too. Dark seems to notice, and the corners of his lips curl up into a smirk that only serves to darken his blush. He moves his hand to cup Bim's jaw as his thumb traces over Bim's lips. His gaze meets Bim's again, a silent question in them, one that Bim quickly answers with a small nod.

"You've got a pretty mouth, Bim. It's a shame about the stuff that comes out of it sometimes. But I think I can change that." Bim's whole body shivers this time, and his heart speeds up even further as Dark leans close enough to whisper into his ear.

"If you want to do this, give me a safeword." At the realisation that, holy fuck, Dark actually wants this, wants him, Bim's mind goes blank. Not wanting his lapse in coherency to be mistaken for hesitation, he blurts out the first word that pops into his head.

"S-Strawberry." Dark huffs out a soft laugh, and Bim can feel his breath over his neck, making him bite his lip. Dark leans back and starts to work on Bim's tie. He takes his sweet time, pulling the tie slowly from around Bim's neck and turning it over in his hands.

"So many uses for such a simple piece of fabric," he murmurs, looking Bim up and down before letting the tie slip out of his hands and onto the floor. He goes to Bim's shirt next, undoing the first few buttons one by one, and Bim feels like he's about to die with anticipation. He pushes the shirt apart, exposing Bim's neck and collarbones, and Bim could swear he sees a glint of red in Dark's eyes.

He doesn't have time to check, though, because then Dark is tilting his jaw up and kissing the spot just underneath it. Bim's breath catches in his throat as Dark continues to trail kisses down his neck, and he reaches forward to cling onto Dark's shoulders. His grip tightens as the kisses become marks that Dark seems intent on decorating him with. He's going to have to use stage makeup to cover those up - but as Dark finds the spot that has him melting, he can't bring himself to care.

Dark makes quick work of the rest of his shirt buttons, shoving it over his shoulders along with his blazer with none of the caution from before. Bim helps him shrug it off before reaching towards Dark's blazer, only to have his wrists caught and pushed back against the wall.

"Patience, Bim. You clearly didn't have any in that meeting, so you will learn some now," Dark says, his voice a low rumble right next to Bim's ear. Bim finds himself nodding quickly, and as Dark gets back to work on the mark he was making, he lets his arms wrap around Dark's shoulders instead.

It's a good thing he does, since Dark's hands are suddenly gripping his thighs and lifting him up. As Bim quickly wraps his legs around Dark's waist, the entity pulls away from the wall and turns around. He kicks a chair out of the way and sets Bim down on the table. He boxes him in again, this time with Bim's back flush against the polished wood and Dark leaning over him, that smirk back on his face. His fingers trace the marks adorning Bim's skin before trailing back up to take hold of his chin. Dark leans down until their lips meet, and Bim easily melts into the kiss. One of his hands wanders into Dark's hair, tugging ever so slightly and getting a growl in return.

He lets out a quiet whine when Dark pulls back and straightens up and out of his reach, but he can't deny the image of Dark towering over him, only his hair out of place when Bim knows he must look like a wreck, sends a spike of arousal running through his nerves. Dark simply grins at him as his hands set to work on Bim's belt. He crouches down to take Bim's shoes off as well before pulling his suit pants and underwear off in one fell swoop. As he stands up again, he makes a bottle of lube appear in his hand and pointedly places it on the table next to Bim.

He leans over him again, but this time he wraps an arm underneath him and pulls him up to stand. Before Bim can get his bearings, Dark turns him around and pushes him down onto the table again, face down. He moves closer, purposefully bumping his hips against Bim's and knocking him into the table. Bim can't help but let out a moan as he scrabbles for grip, only to hear the click of a tongue from behind him.

"Try not to scratch the table. It's quite a nice one and I don't want to have to replace it," Dark says with amusement. Bim tries to formulate a reply, but all that comes out is another moan as Dark pushes a finger inside him. He bites his lip harshly as he rocks back into Dark's hand, trying to stifle his sounds. It's no use as Dark starts to move his hand, the other one idly scratching faint lines onto Bim's back.

He groans headily as Dark adds another finger and his back arches into the touch. A litany of curses spills from his mouth as Dark starts to scissor him open, and the entity's name joins them as he quickens his pace. Bim doesn't look back to check, but he's certain Dark is grinning as he hears it.

All too soon, Dark takes his hand back, leaving Bim panting and empty. He hears the clinking of a belt being undone, and after a few moments of rustling and the sound of the lube being opened once more, Bim has to slap his hand over his mouth to muffle his cry as Dark pushes into him. He goes slowly until he's completely bottomed out, but his hand quickly moves to tear Bim's away from his face. He doesn't even notice that Dark is leaning over him until he murmurs right into his ear.

"Don't you hide your noises from me, Trimmer. I want to hear everything, loud and clear." Bim nods quickly, already starting to beg for something, anything. Dark takes a handful of his hair and pulls it up, not quite harshly, so he's looking forward.

"Let it all out, Bim. Don't hold back," he adds before starting to pound into him at a pace that leaves Bim breathless for a full minute. When he finally gets his breath back, he screams out his pleasure, desperately clinging to the arm beside his head that's propping Dark up. Dark's other hand has let go of his hair and has his hip in a death grip, holding him in place.

"Next time we have a meeting," Dark says roughly, sounding a little breathless himself, "You're going to remember this. You're going to remember me pushing you down against this table and fucking you until you can't walk. And maybe, that'll make sure you think twice before you speak."

Bim can't even start to form a coherent reply, so he simply moans out Dark's name. That seems to be enough for Dark, as he speeds up the pace, punching the air out of Bim's lungs with each thrust. He barely stutters out a warning before he's coming, and Dark soon follows suit, both of them riding the aftershocks until Dark carefully pulls out.

He lays his head next to Bim's to face him, and Bim has to blink several times to bring Dark into focus. A cool hand brushes some hair from his forehead before moving down to cup his cheek gently.

"You did wonderfully, Bim. So perfect for me," Dark murmurs softly, a stark contrast to the growls and demands. Bim simply whines in reply. His limbs feel like jelly and he can only hope Dark will help him back to his room. Instead, the entity leans down and presses a soft kiss to his cheek.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He's not quite sure how it happens, but somehow Dark manhandles him into his arms, and a blanket is draped over him to shield him from the sudden cold of the room. Dark stays in the meeting room for a minute or so more, presumably using his powers to sort out the mess they made, before disappearing into his room with Bim held close.