#And I love it for allowing me to relive those moments again

[helloledena]

Uh-oh... I'm falling in love~

Synopsis: Kakashi though he had everything under control, especially his feelings. But one ninja from Village hidden in mist was enough to change that. Oh how wrong he was...

Pairing: Kakashi x Reader (but in Kakashi's pov 🙂‍↕️)

Content: fem! reader, slow burn, strangers to "something" to lovers, light smut, mention of depression, lot's of thoughts, lot's of confusion.

Word count: 8.3k (😬)

A/N: Kakashi's character is so complex and hot and hard to write and hot and tragic but hot, so yeah, love him so much *.*

pervert.

When the saleswoman at his favorite bookstore gave him a raised eyebrow, all Kakashi could do was smile while scratching the back of his head in a manner that reeked of humor.

"I understand why you wanted to read Make-out Paradise… but now even the other two books?"

"What can I say, it really drew me in."

"And.. you say you've read it..."

"Yes, I've read it three times already, I think it's time to find out what happens in the sequel, don't you think? Hahaha" he let his body wiggle a little, and his free eye rolled up into a smile.

"Pervert," the girl muttered as she slid off the counter and went to get more books.

The ninja tiredly scanned the other books on display on the counter. The well-known novel "Life of a shinobi: Honor or Death" caught his eye. With a soft sigh, he picked up the book, turned it upside down, and began to stare at the wall clock that didn't actually work.

He would never admit it out loud, but reading an erotic novel, in which the most exciting thing is actually the various lovemaking positions, had become his new favorite way to distract himself. The distraction from the dead bodies he was cleaning after massacre several months prior; from the feeling of total guilt of allowing Itachi, the boy with soft eyes and always a calm expression on his face Itachi, to go and slaughter everyone in his clan; from death of his friends..

Not to speak of it, he realized that nothing calmed him as much as re-reading the same book with the light and warm plot. The fact that he could relive what he knew would end well gave him a sense of comfort that he hadn't experienced in a long time. Life was bearable again. Just a bit. Just a little bit more, he didn't want to kill himself.

"Your books,"  mumbled the saleswoman into her chin, still clearly under the impression, as she quickly took the money from him "enjoy the rest of your day."

"Thank you. Be sure that I will. Ha! I mean... not in that way..." the now blushing girl looked at him as if he had gone completely mad. He felt his own cheeks slowly warming up "well, anyway... I'm going now. You! You have a nice day... really nice day..."

His smiling aura slid at a moment as he left the shop. He put the third part of “Make-Out” in his shoulder bag, while opening the second one as he walked slowly in an unknown direction. What is he gonna do now? Maybe he should go to get some ramen? But he failed to keep Obito's promise, he couldn't save Rin from death, his father wasn't there to see how much he had progressed. Perhaps he could go back to that cursed rock again. Yeah, that seems like better idea.

"Kakashi!!!" he heard Gai shouting for him from a distance "my eternal rival!!!! Come! Let’s see who can drink more sake before nightfall!!"

But he just continued walking, looking at the first page of the book. He reminded himself that if he does not get involved no one would die because of him. If he doesn't intervene, it wouldn't hurt as much if someone from them died. If he doesn't get involved, perhaps those damn stubborn people would finally realize how truly awful person he is.

When he reached the next corner between streets, he was about to run the rest of the way, but a melodic voice froze him in his tracks.

"Are ninjas in this silly village not taught manners?" He turned and saw a girl leaning against one of the buildings at the corner. How, in the hell, hadn't he noticed her presence before? He decided to let his visible eye wander into a something that seemed like smile.

"I really don’t know what you’re talking about…"

"Pfft" the girl continued to lean her head against the wall, staring at Kakashi with a smirk on her face; her relaxed body language contradicted the words she spoke to him, as if she wasn't intimidated in the slightest "The famous copy ninja Kakashi Hatake, known to all bounty hunters, his name written in more bingo books than can be counted... Yet, you appear to be even more of a creep than the old man who wrote that perversion you're reading"

Kakashi felt strange at her words, gripping his kunai knife tightly in the pocket of his pants. Was she an enemy? He quickly surveyed the area suspiciously as he seemed to be merely searching for a more comfortable way to stand. Hidden Mist Village headband... what the hell?

"Well.." now he was looking cautiously in the direction of the girl "you talk about manners, and you didn't introduced yourself... very hypocritical, don't you think?"

"Hmmm" the girl smiled again, and then pulled out a scroll from her pocket that opened in front of Kakashi "I have permission. And besides, I'm done with my work for now, so I’ll be leaving today. I was just wondering if you really are as cold hearted as everyone says..."

"And?" he looked away from the scroll, returning his gaze to the book that he still held open in his left hand "are they right?"

"I can only say that I'm disappointed" he felt the girl shrug her shoulders "well, see you next time, pervert."

He just hummed. Before he turned and continued walking towards that cursed, stupid rock, he heard the voice again.

"Oh, and did you hear," he looked and she was smiling very widely; something hot filled his stomach "that now the 4th part is being written? I mean, the creepy old man... you already know who I'm talking about."

She winked and disappeared from his sight as silently as she had come. As he continued to observe the now empty space where she had been a second ago, he felt feverishly lucky that he had not learned the girl's name. And if something happened to her, her name would not appear before his eyes in his nightmares.

mercy.

It was the 4th day of the chunin exams and Kakashi couldn't sit and wait any longer. The link with the birds that were relaying information about the happenings had been cut since Orochimaru had magically appeared, then disappeared. He felt nervous. He felt nervous and noticed that it came out in the way he peeled an orange, in the way he would grip the doorknob when he left the room to get some air, and in the way his leg bounced every now and then.

Perhaps he shouldn't have been so harsh with Iruka a few days earlier, saying that his students were now warriors. But he knew that if he had shown even a fraction of the insecurity he felt, his decision would not have carried the authority that now have. So because he wanted his ego to remain intact he left the company of the other jonin, who would probably feel his nervousness at any moment, then climbed onto the roof of the Hokage building and let the sun caress him.

They have the best chance to survive in the shinobi world if they ruthlessly face every obstacle. They have the best chance to survive in the shinobi world if they ruthlessly face every obstacle. I did not send them to their deaths. I did not send them to their deaths. Kakashi repeated those sentences to himself more than he would like to admit.

With big sigh he opened the 3rd book of Make-Out and stared blankly at the pages.

"Hahahaha, wait, wait, you're still reading that nonsense? How long has it been? 4 years?"

His smile curved beyond his will, though she didn't see it because of his mask. He didn't hear her when she got closer to him, like few years prior. How wonderful...

"And who are you?" he looked at her now with his head tilted to the side.

"Oh, that hurts, you know" said the girl with a sneer in her voice, sliding next to him "I know I'm not that *ultra famous* like you are, but we've already met. Plus even I have a target on my head now. These criminals' bingo books, blah blah" and Kakashi was aware of that. When he was in the Land of Waves on a mission with his team, about a month ago, he took Zabuza's bingo book with him. As he flipped through the pages he saw a familiar face, although for a moment he was slightly unsure if it was the girl he met a few years ago. The scar on her cheek was new...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Name: y/n

Rank: unknown, approach with caution

Village of Origin: A Hidden Mist village, Land of Water

Known Techniques: water manipulation, blood manipulation

Orders: wanted dead or alive

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ah, many new faces lately..." he cooed while watching over village in those quiet moments. How the hell she keep finding him when he is alone? And he didn’t have much alone time since becoming leader od Team 7.

"By the way, your kids are holding up well there, as far as I could see" - now he looked at her "if I hadn't seen other things in my life, I would say that they are very young. But we both know it could have been worse. They'll finish the obstacle... they had that crazy determined look in their eyes about half a day ago."

"Search birds are not working for 3 days now."

"Ah well, we "watermen" don't use birds for surveillance. That's what you should have learned at your sweet little academy."

"The fact that you're not on the organizing team for this exams and yet have your own means of monitoring shouldn't surprise me?" Kakashi knew more than he asked. The ninja of the Village Hidden in the Mist were not at all interested in the official ninja ranking that the other villages held so dearly. They were ruthless warriors, deadly as soon as they left the academy, probably even then at chunin level. Now this is simply gathering information… he was aware of that from the moment the first registration from that village for the chunin exams in the last 7 years came. Only Kakashi wanted to know why…

"You know" the girl now closed her eyes and laid so still for a few minutes that the copy ninja thought she fell asleep "even though the rest of the ninjas in my village are furious because of what happened to Zabuza, I'm very grateful to you. I mean, I really wasn't the least bit touched by anything that happened to that... that.. him. But the way you treated Haku's body…"

Kakashi felt his stomach acid rising in his throat. Haku... another mistake of his. Another victim of chidori that shouldn't have been. Haku had a soul as pure as snow, Haku should have escaped... Haku shouldn't have ended up like Rin.

"In any case" now she opened her eyes, slightly teary, keeping Kakashi rooted in place "you showed mercy that our village has not experienced in a long time. Thank you for that. Especially since it was a boy who was kind."

Kakashi let out a soft breath although to his ears it was almost as loud as a scream. No one had ever seen him that way. No one had ever called him merciful... He felt dizzy... what the hell was this woman doing to him...

"Didn't you say last time that you made sure I'm cold-blooded like everyone says?"

"I think I actually said that I was disappointed. And by disappointed, I meant that I was expecting someone with a dirty aura, and I got something completely opposite."

Kakashi hummed, now loking at the village. But still feeling her eyes on him.

"And didn't you say you don't remember me?"

"Huh. Tushe."

stupid distraction.

Ever since he saw y/n at the time of chunin exams, Kakashi actually, even 6 months later, hasn't stopped seeing her. It turns out that y/n has actually been in high demand in the Lands of Water since last January, with a huge bounty on her head. Words circulated that with her blood manipulation, she forced the Mizukage's own brother to cut himself bit by bit with his blade until he died by his own hand in a pool of blood. Rumor has it that she left a letter written in his blood which said that his death was compensation for the rape of the girls from the Village Hidden in the Mist, one of whom is her cousin. Since blood revenge is completely justified in the villages of more southern longitude, the Mizukage made all the criminals of those villages duty to kill y/n on the spot or bring her alive. That's why she is in all bingo books.

He hadn't heard much about on whose permission she was in Konoha before, but when Tsunade came back and became Hokage she gave y/n asylum and declared her an auxiliary force. It turns out that during the chunin exams, she helped the village a lot in monitoring the enemy even though she didn't have to and therefore Tsunade befriended her very quickly.

What Kakashi really couldn't understand at the begining was how everyone got close to her so quickly. He found himself pretty often following y/n as she moved around Konoha, looking for anything that would make his suspicion justified. He watched when she stops by the market for fresh fruits and veggies, or talks to Kurenai in the street with a big smile, or when she practices her water control by the stream next to half a kilometer from the memorial stone. He wished he could just stand next to her and feel the warmth radiating from her up close again as she squirmed when she talked.

Which was out of the question now, sure, because she didn't want to talk to him anymore. But it certainly didn't stop him from being attracted to her warmth. Of course, it wasn't like that for the whole 6 months, it even seemed to him that she enjoyed being in his company for the first month. She kept popping up, each time making no sound as usual and going on and on about how Naruto had gotten stronger, how Kakashi needed to be more gentle with Sasuke, how maybe it was better for Sakura to learn 1 on 1 new techniques to help her reach personal, not someone else's potential. She told him how in her village she liked to go to the banks of the harbor early in the morning and look for children who were fishing by themselves and to use her "magic" to pull out a few fish. They would laugh and call y/n princess of the sea. With a very serious expression on her face she listed endless crazy reasons why Kakashi could wear a mask and swore in front of everyone present (even though they were actually alone) that one day she would find out what his face looked like. And when she talked she was beautiful.. actually, she was always beautiful. He mostly listened in silence, allowing the warm feeling in his chest to grow little by little with each of their conversations. He realized that he began to take the path to the memorial stone more often where there was a better chance of her jumping out. Once, she even came along with him as far as the stone itself, bowed and stood quietly for a while before whispering "at least you have a place to mourn your loved ones."

 However, that huddled routine that Kakashi looked forward to more than he'd like to admit stopped 10 days after Sasuke disappeared, and he ran into her for the first time after the failed mission. "You shouldn't blame yourself, you did everything you could" she was silent for a few minutes "I don't think you really could have stopped him.. you said yourself that Sasuke was stubborn. If you managed to bring him home, the question is whether he would still want to be a part of the team...". When Kakashi was still silent and tried to turn and leave she spoke again "When I lost my cousin I couldn't sleep for days, I blamed myself and wanted to die. But I realized that what was happening to us was inevitable, if she had survived then maybe the Mizukage would have sent his guards and...” “You trying to cover your guilt with failed excuses shows what person you are like.. I will not live in such a miserable field” when the anger came out of him with that sentence Kakashi realized how wrong he was and tried to speak again, but a cold "I got it, go bathe in guilt if that's what you want" cut him off with eyes that glared at him. Y/n left after that and didn't speak to him again to this day.

So he was left to watch her from a distance. In moments when he felt lonely he blamed her. He often let his frustration get the better of him and then tried to talk to others about his doubts and pin his ugly feelings on y/n. Unfortunately for him, everyone loved her, starting with Gai who was finally getting a talkback about the flower of youth and someone with whom his passionate level would be similar.Kurenai finally felt close to a female ninja and laughter could always be heard from Tsunade's office when she was in. Genma showed a closeness to her like he hadn't with anyone in a long time... Kurenai even mentioned that they went on a date after some difficult mission. Which is perfectly fine and didn't leave Kakashi choking on a feeling he hadn't felt before at all. Hot again, but not in a nice way, it even felt a little like anger. And now he was standing in the Hokage's office wondering how a ninja with chakra that was impaled on a water core could cause so much fire.

"Well Kakashi, it's time for another S-rank mission" Tsunade smiled at him, holding sake in her left hand. It was already dusk and her paperwork work was due in about an hour, so her advisors weren't in the room "I hope you had enough time to rest."

"And if I said I didn't, it wouldn't change the situation much" he wasn't looking anywhere in particular while keeping his hands in his pockets. He was on the last mission for a full 3 weeks. Of course he was chakra exhausted. Of course he felt tired. Of course he wanted to do nothing but sleep, read Make-out, and visit the memorial stone. And check out what y/n is doing…

"You know yourself that the level of missions has increased since the death of the 3rd Hokage and the destruction of the village. All our enemies strike us now because they're hoping to catch us in weakness. Unfortunately we don't have enough jonin to cover the steady increase in S rank missions...so there is no time for long breaks. This one is especially hard, so you'll get an escort."

"Ah, escort..." now he was looking at the ceiling, how interesting tiles... "didn't you say that sending couple jonin rank ninjas on a mission is a waste of resources? That it should be done only in exceptional cases? Or you've actually started caring about me? In that case my heart is about to break…"

"This is an exceptional case, Kakashi" Tsunade got up from the chair and sat on the table directly observing Kakashi "the fact is that many jonin go on missions with their genin and chunin and they consider it a kind of vacation, because all those missions are B rank at worst. However, that privilege has been taken away from you since Sasuke escaped and Naruto went to train who knows where with Jiraiya" when she noticed that Kakashi would not respond to her remark she sighed deeply and continued "since this mission involves going into enemy territory you will take escort."

"Enemy territory?"

"Land of Waves to be precise. Y/n was already notified this morning that she has been assigned an S rank mission and will need to be your guide and support."

"Y/n?!" Kakashi felt his anger spreading through his body, so he tried with all his might, fists clenched in his pockets, to calm his breathing; he spoke very slowly and quietly "y/n has a huge bounty on her head in those villages. Or did you miss that? They will kill her as soon as she gets close."

"The scroll that was stolen is very important to Konoha, Kakashi " she held the tip of the nose with her eyes closed "y/n knows the risk and she accepted it. It was her duty at the end of the day" as she looked at him determinedly "as it was yours to take orders from the Hokage. You have a mission to complete, and for efficiency you'll bring a guide with you, who, if I must remind you, is also a jonin who does S-rank missions. You will take care of each other."

"You can't send her with me" he couldn't stop his legs from getting a little closer to her "you can't send her there, it will only be a big distraction."

"The decision has been made" she handed him the scroll looking at him resolutely "the deadline for the mission is 1 week. If you do not return by then, help will be sent to you. All the details are in the scroll, I expect a successful report when you return. That's it, you can go."

"But, Lady Tsunade –"

"That's it Kakashi" a small crack was heard from the wood of the table that cracked under Tsunade's pressure "you can go."

Damn it he thought.

i’m so sorry.

"Of course you're late" y/n looked at Kakashi leaning against the wall of village gate, her bag on the floor between her legs.

"You won't believe what an infestation of angry geese was in front of my house" he smiled at her, scratching the back of his head.

"Yes, yes. Move then..." she just walked away leaving him standing there for a few moments staring at her. He wondered if she knew where he was going before every mission. He wondered if she could see through his acting with that haunting gaze.

-

After few hours passed, in not so pleasant but endurable silence, air was getting colder. Kakashi felt his fingers slowly tingle, frantically trying to warm them in his pockets.

"Fuck.." muttered next to him y/n holding a finger in the air that was covered in water and her chakra "fuck, fuck."

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly, observing their surroundings. They were around 25 kilometers away from Konoha for a pretty short time because they were running most of the way wanting to reach the border of Land of Water by evening. It's only about an hour to the small town. They were currently in an open area and Kakashi desperately wanted to get out of the way as soon as possible.

"Once every few years Land of Water gets a period of so-called „false winter“"y/n blurted out through her teeth, keeping her gaze still on the water that was wrapped around her finger "you see? There is a thin layer of hoarfrost gathering on the surface. It's not cold enough to freeze, but maybe, in 2 days, it will be enough."

"And what do those winters look like? Should we expect snow?"

"Probably not. The problem with this winters is that they are very cold and wet. On the other hand they never last more than a week. But people freeze to death because winters come so suddenly, so we have to be very careful. And of course, to return home as soon as possible."

"Clearly..." Kakashi spoke in a moment, swearing at his fate. This mission probably couldn't get any worse.

He watched y/n wipe hands on her pants, and warming the hand she had attached the water to by slowly blowing into it. He couldn't resist the urge and slowly put his hand on her shoulder. She looked at him with a look that almost brought him to his knees. Honest, clean, which allows the color of her eyes to completely come to the fore.

"Don't worry" he said quietly, now in some incomprehensible fear of not scaring her further, and with a huge desire to slowly dance his fingers on her face... to get rid of every concern "we will finish this mission successfully. Everything will be alright."

"Mhm" the girl in front of him uttered a falsely cheerful voice "and even if something happens, you won't have to swim in pool of pathetic excuses so I'm not even worried about you" she slipped out of his touch with the speed of an eye blink "it's time to go and find a room if we don't want to sleep in the cold."

"Y/n..." he tried

"Come on" she interrupted him already ready for a new round of running "don't lose sight of me."

-

When they arrived at the room they had barely rented as it was the last one in a shack at the very end of a famous town, within reach of a Village Hidden in Mist, Kakashi thanked every exalted being that existed for the 2 large separte beds in their room. As he made the beds, placed the maps on the floor of the room, took the food out of his bag, he listened to the sound of the shower coming out of the bathroom and suddenly he felt terribly hot. Although he had never been intimate with a woman... or anyone really, out of constant fear of getting hitched and that person dying, Kakashi actually often felt very lustful. It had appeared in flashbacks before, when he saw a pretty girl at one of his missions, when he passed a public women's bath, when he was reading his books... however he had never wanted something or someone so much that it made him act on that lust. The present moment, on the other hand, was driving him completely insane. Yes, he thought y/n was very very beautiful and her strong character was surprisingly attractive. He thought her smile was as sweet as honey and there was nothing warmer than her beautiful disposition. And yes, sure, one time when they happened to be together in a bar with mutual friends, not talking to each other of course, he got surprisingly turned on by one look at her bare legs. Although now he thought that that arousal could not even be considered arousal because what he was feeling right now was 10 times stronger. When he realized that if he continued like this he would either go crazy, or unwillingly go and do something.. with her, or cum within a full minute Kakashi went into deep concentration considering the mission.

After a few minutes y/n came out in a plain t-shirt and shorts, no bandages on her arms and legs so now he could see a lot of small cuts on the lenght of her arms. He felt that she could see that he was looking at her and he just kept his eyes on her waiting for her to speak.

"We have very hard endurance training as kids" y/n muttered noticing Kakashi is staring at her "they're not as gentle with us at the academy as they are with you. Especially if you are female."

"I understand" he looked at her with full attention "it must have been difficult for you."

"Of course it was" she threw herself on the bed with a sigh, letting her wet hair fall on the pillow "although we don't talk much about it. What happened happened."

"Does it bother you that I saw?" he left the question floating in the air. Her thighs were dripping with water that she hadn't wiped off. He wondered what it would feel like to run his lips over them.

"No" she fell silent a little and looked him directly in the eye "even though I don't agree with you about some things, I believe you. I've seen how you treat others. You always put someone else's life before your own and I really appreciate that. So the result is that I'm not ashamed of who I am right now. At least not in front of you."

Kakashi's legs walked on their own towards the bed where y/n lay. He wanted to comfort her, he wanted to kiss every cut on her body, he wanted to show her that she can show her vulnerable side. When she saw him coming towards her y/n sat down in a meditation pose leaving room for the ninja to sit on the other end of the bed which he did. When some time had passed Kakashi removed the headband from his other eye and looked at her with both eyes open. He noticed how the girl in front of him was trying like hell not to stare at his sharingan now, her eyes darting left and right as she paid attention to both eyes.

"I'm so sorry" mumbled Kakashi "I'm so fucking sorry for what I said the last time we spoked. If I could, I would do everything differently."

She watched him quietly. Then uncertainly reached out a shaky hand and touched his scar just below his eye which made Kakashi wince. What the hell was he thinking?! If she wanted to, she could have dug out his eye and taken it to the enemy!

"Sleep. Tomorrow is a tough one" he spoke harshly when, without looking at her again, he stood up and went to take a shower. Then hating himself, he entered the room again and saw her pretending to sleep with slightly red eyes from crying.

regrets.

The next day, they were already passing few small communites, moving through the Land of Waves. They only had a few more hours of walking left before they entered the Village Hidden in the Mist, and darkness was already slowly falling. Both of them had bought long coats on their way out of the city, so that the cold, which was slowly but surely getting into their bones, could be endured. However, Kakashi was feverishly aware of one thing – this all seemed too easy. They hadn't encountered a single ninja so far, there was no sign of anyone noticing who y/n was and the road was passable without control.

"Probably because of the cold " y/n mumbled trying to gather the cold mist into droplets on her palm when Kakashi shared his worries with her "I told you people doesn't handle it well enough in these parts."

"Hmm" he watched as the mist and chakra slowly danced and merged at the tip of her palm, making water "it would certainly be good if we didn't linger here for much longer. Considering how in demand you are here and how cold it can be."

"It's good that we left most of the things in that hut" now she let the water slowly drip from her fingers "being overloaded would only slow us down. And since sleeping in any hut here is not an option because of our bountys, and sleeping outside is not because of the cold, we can only finish the mission tonight and return to the hut tomorrow night."

"Sure thing, lady" he hummed.

-

It was the dead of night when they were half a kilometer from the base, which did not seem protected. Guards were probably inside because of the cold, Kakashi thought. The fog enveloped them and honestly suffocated him slightly even with the mask he always wore. When the wind blew, it would whip his face and make him shake for a moment. It was very cold. He watched as y/n looked at the white rabbit with small cut on right ear in confusion, crouching. He took out his kunai sorry little guy.

"No" she spoke quietly next to him "white rabbits are not always a distraction... don't worry."

"I hope you didn't trick me...trust me i will find out and it won't end well for you."

She glared at him, tilting her head to the side... a sarcastic smile moved to adorn her lips.

"How are you not ashamed?" she whispered, but because of the silence of the night he heard her very well "I sacrificed myself for your village in this half year than for mine my whole fucking life" she poked him in the chest with her finger "I was more polite to you than you deserve. And I would have fucking killed you in your sleep last night if I wanted to."

"You remained as fiery and hot as the last time I saw you" spoke a voice from the shadows behind them. Kakashi lifted his headband and grabbed the shuriken in his pockets. However a stiff y/n caught his attention more.

"Y/n" the copy ninja cracked "y/n what's going on?!"

"Shino..." she whispered confusedly looking into the darkness. How the hell do these swamp ninjas manage to be so damn quiet??

"What's up beautiful," out of the darkness, where y/n was looking, a tall ninja came out with the band of the village hidden in the mist hanging around his neck. His entire body except face was covered in bandages and a blade similar to Zabuza's was attached to his back… this is not good "you know I missed you."

"You tried to kill me" Kakashi watched y/n holding outstretched hand in front of her, chakra on the surface of her palm trembled slightly "I trusted you and you tried to kill me."

"Princess" a sneer was heard in his voice, he raised both hands above his head as if he wanted to show her that he did not want to hurt her "business is business, nothing personal."

"I loved you and you tried to kill me" her voice trembled as she turned her hand upwards and the ninja fell to his knees still with a smile on his face, his blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight

Kakashi tried to use the Sharingan to quickly assess the situation, but realized that there was nothing to be gained from it. The fog was too thick, the night was too dark and he didn't fucking know what to do. Should he summon Pakun? Should he kill the asshole on the spot?

"I see you still like bad boys, princess. But you yourself know that in the end you are regretted by everyone, in the end everyone sees how weak you are." Shino spoke with difficulty on his knees, a grimace on his face, probably due to blood manipulation "you still chose none other than Kakashi of sharingan. I'm impressed" he was looking at Kakashi now, a dirty smile returning to his lips "you know the redwater brothers want you dead ever since you killed Zabuza... that wasn't nice of you Kakashi."

"Ah, business is business, isn't it, nothing personal" Kakashi smiled with his eyes.

"Hah" Shino looked at y/n again "honestly, I never even loved you. What has to happen happens."

Then several things happens at once. Kakashi saw the ninja on his knees turning into water with his sharingan, and heard rustling behind them. Fucking water clone.

"Fucking shit -" Kakashi whispered furiously under his breath, quickly turning on his heels and activating chidori. A few seconds passed before he stood behind y/n shielding her back and pierced the spot where Shino's heart was with his chidori. The ninja fell from his hand, along with his blade with a dull thud. Kakashi turned to look at y/n who was looking at him with wide eyes and felt a searing pain in his chest. With a low curse he fell to his knees as he realised that he was almost cut open in half.

"No!" y/n shouted as she quickly knelt in front of him with her hands glowing with chakra "Kakashi, Kakashi, keep your eyes on mine."

Is this it? He thought as his head reeled. Although his eyes seemed to be open, he saw nothing. He only heard the soft sound of chakra vibrating somewhere nearby and shallow breats. Maybe some whimpers. But he wasn't sure.

"Kakashi! I will never talk to you again if you die now" a distant soft voice cracked "I can't lose you. I don't want to lose you."

"I l-lied" he spoke quietly, not sure if she heard him at all, but he tried anyway "you are very brave... so brave it scares me... So, of c-c-course you are not week. Of course you're not a dis-straction. Of course I don't regret going here with y-you."

"Look at me, I'm begging you."

The last atoms of power Kakashi focused on what appeared to be y/n's face. When his vision sharpened a little he saw a smile or a twitch, he wasn't quite sure, and the beautiful color of the eyes that he had come to love so much.

"You are so beautiful."

lavander.

When Kakashi woke up in a dark room that smelled of lavender he was sure he was dead. He tried to blink hard a few times and shake the sleep from his eyes before he managed to sit up. His mask was still there, though he was dressed in plain clothes and covered with a thick blanket. Although he was warm, the air in room was cold. He realized that he was in the hut where he and y/n had left their things before they went to the Land of Waves. When he turned to the right he saw lavender in a pot and a small letter. He took the letter and began to read.

By all accounts you should wake up before I’m back. I left medicinal herbs, tea and food on your table. Don't even think of touching the bandage. I managed to sew up the wound completely, but it's better that the bandage soaked with medicinal water stays until I return, just in case. Of the flowers in the local flower shop, there were only lavenders because of the winter, I hope you are not allergic. Hehe. I went to get that stupid scroll and finish the mission so I'll be back soon. Don't follow me. You lost a lot of blood and strength. Please wait. I'll be back, trust me.

P.S. I didn't peek under your mask. Pinky promise.

-

Those few hours in which Kakashi drank all the tea, ate all the food and thought about the best way to go after her, felt like days. He realized with great amazement that y/n had somehow managed to heal entire wound which now only itched, not hurt. He felt very exhausted as he looked out the window at the rain falling wrapped in a blanket. It must have been terribly cold outside. How many days did he sleep? How is y/n? Is she hurt? What if they catch her and kill her? What if she's already dead? How many days has she actually been out of the hut? If she is dead he will kill everyone who is responsible. But he is responsible... He let his guard down and let that jerk almost kill him and that's why y/n is out there alone now. He won't be able to live with himself if she's dead. He was too tired. He will rest for only half an hour more and then he will leave. Towards her. Yes, that sounds like a good idea.

Knock knock.

Kakashi stood up with his heart pounding. They found him. But if they found him that means they will wait there for y/n to come back and then kill her easily. He took the kunai, opened the sharingan eye and cautiously approached the door. He wouldn’t let that happen. When he flung open the door he saw y/n with gentle eyes watching him, a scroll in one hand, a Shino’s blade in the other. She was wearing a normal ninja uniform and was soaked to the core. Y/n smiled widely at him but fatigue was very visible on her face. Her body was shaking uncontrollably from the cold.

"Oh thank heavens, you're awake" it came as sigh from her lips "I didn't want to drop any of this on the floor. Sorry if you had to get up. Everything went smoothly. Mission is complete."

He quietly helped her inside, took the things from her hands and put them on the floor. When he went to turn on the shower so that somehow hot water would warm up y/n he realized that there was no use because the water had frozen in the pipes.

"The shower doesn't work" he rasped and realized that it was probably the first thing he had said in days "change into something dry. We need to warm you up."

Kakashi then placed 2 blankets over each other on his bed and pulled y/n who was now only in a t-shirt and shorts (because that was the only thing dry) into bed with him. He hugged her tightly, limbs completely intertwined, his hands rubbing hers, trying to bring some warmth back into her body. All this with full awareness of how she was lying next to him in just shorts and a t-shirt. He fought the growing erection in his underwear, thinking about anything but the woman in his arms that he wanted more than anything else.

"I thought you were going to die" she spoke quietly against his chest, probably more to herself than to him, but he certainly heard her very clearly.

"You saved my life, Thank you" he mumbled against her hair.

Now she cocked her head hard and fast locking her eyes with his, fire in them, just the way Kakashi loved it.

"If it wasn't for you, I would be dead" she snapped angrily, holding his gaze with hers, now he kept his sharingan eye open "I just did one tolerable, but miserable thing."

"You are extraordinary. Really. I’m all heald now thanks to you. When I woke up today I felt like whole new person. Thank you" he lightly touched her cheek with his hand "And I don't know if that went through your crazy little head, but the last thing I want is to let people I care about die while I'm just watching from the sidelines. That very much includes you."

As if momentarily embarrassed, she looked away from him and brought her head back to rest on his chest. She breathed deeply.

When he noticed that the normal temperature was slowly returning to her body and the shivers stopped being so strong Kakashi let out a soft laugh.

"I don’t believe a thing you say,"

"What?" y/n cocked her head again looking into Kakashi's one open eye with a confused expression. That made him grin even wider.

"I don't believe you didn't look under the mask."

The girl in his arms scoffed looking at him with mocking eyes "My curiosity is big, but not so much that I want to play dirty. If i really wanted to see what's underneath I'd make you show me yourself."

"And?" Kakashi felt his breath slowly run out of anticipation "do you want to see it that badly?"

She looked at his mask silently then studied his open eye.

"You want to show me?" she asked quietly, and he just continued to watch her, with an unknown glow. She slowly removed both hands from the blanket and ran her fingers to the top of his mask. Her hands were shaking slightly and Kakashi realized with something, ah here it is again, very warm in his stomach that she wasn't shaking from the cold this time. Y/n slowly removed the mask from his face as he watched her carefully. When the whole cloth was finally removed, she sighed deeply. A soft smile graced her lips.

"Ah, what a disappointment" her gaze circled all over his face "nothing of the huge lips and horse teeth."

Kakashi felt his lips curl into a smile. He hugged her a little tighter.

"You are so beautiful. Gorgeous even." she looked him in the eye and now he was terribly, terribly hot all over. No one ever addressed those words to him. His body just moved closer to her until her lips were only inches away from his. He felt her breath brush his lips. He was waiting for her to do something… anything.. to give him the green light. Because no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't move on his own. Such tender and fragile moments were not frequent in his life, and suddenly he was terribly afraid of breaking this too. However when y/n pressed her lips to his all worries were quickly erased from his mind.

They kissed deeply and slowly as he ran his hands all over her body. He made sounds he didn't know he was capable of, but realized that nothing compared to her sighs and moans from the kiss. He slowly moved from her lips to her neck which he had been watching for so long as they talked months from now, taking deep breaths.

"How perfect you are" he murmured as she melted in his arms. She ran her hands first over his shoulders, then his back, finally letting her hands go under his shirt. He moaned burying his head deeper into her neck.

"Kakashi..." came out of her mouth like a plea, as if it was too much for her.

"I know y/n, I know," he breathed a big, hard sigh as he held her hips tightly so she wouldn't move against him anymore. It was very clear to him that she felt how much he wanted her. And he now wanted her to show her how much he wanted her "can I touch you?"

She looked at him with a warm look and red cheeks, then nodded briskly.

He let his hand dance from her neck, over her stomach, down to her lower abdomen where he pressed his hand firmly.

He kissed all over her hands, all the little cuts he'd seen just a few days before.

"Perfect. So fucking perfect. Lift your hips for me pretty girl" he whispered softly.

When he took off her shorts and realized how wet she was, he almost cummed In his pants at that moment.

He just touched her enterance briefly and she moaned leaning into his touch. Nothing has happened yet and he was so fucking turned on. Turned on by her smooth skin, maddening smell, her sighs, moans... This is 100x better than any erotic novel. He slowly kissed her clit, than licked it experimentally. Y/n closed her eyes and left her hands flying to his hair, hips bucking up to meet his mouth.

'Look at me, let me see you" he darkly whispered against her pussy, looking at her with his both eyes. He then licked and sucked her swollen clit, eyes never leaving hers, making her moaning mess.

"Fuck Kakashi, fuck" she cried pressing one hand against her mouth, than changing mind and letting that hand grip on his hair too "i need you now. Please."

He stopped for a second watching her.

"Are you.. -"

"Yes, yes, and don’t you fucking dare to leave now."

"Sure thing pretty lady" he smiled against her heat.

He took his time, exploring every exposed piece of skin now that he took her t-shirt off too. He blinked open the sharingan again and he was so damn happy that he could predict how she would react to every touch. He looked at her; sprawled out underneath him, with her face flushed, lips swollen.

"Have I ever told you that you are perfect?" he had that boyish smile now, looking at her lovingly.

"Pervert" she grinned while kissing him quickly.

"Ah yes" he left few kisses to her neck again "I remember you calling me that a few times" he put his fingers on her clit making her to squirm with embarrassment.

"Please Kakashi" her voice was so fucking sweet "I need you. Please."

"Need you too" he mumbled against her lips "so much. My beautiful girl."

Then all he could feel was her. She clouded all five senses and he felt like he was going insane. It was over far too quickly.

"Madness" he whispered in her ear and nuzzled her neck, thrusting deep and steady "you are madness."

He gave a few last thrusts and reached down with his hand to help her finish. It wasn’t long until she was writhing and whimpering underneath him.

He kissed the top of her head before he pulled her into him protectively, feeling sleepy. Enjoying the feeling of her skin flush against his, her sweet smell and now steady breaths he felt his body completely relaxing.

As he slowly drifted off to sleep he asked quietly against her hair "do you want to go out sometime?"

[tired-teacher-blog]

I'm presenting this to myself as a birthday gift 😌

Broken angel

Characters : Hawks/ Fem reader

Warnings and Genre : NSFW/ 18+/ Angst/ Sexual Intercourse/ Creampie/ One Shot

Summary : The heroes might have won the final war, but its scars are a whole other story, so what happens when Hawks finally breaks down in your presence?

Please do not read if you're a minor

Masterlist|Second Masterlist

You kiss his scar once, twice, thrice, and a couple more times until he starts chuckling tiredly, "okay okay I get it, you can stop now!" and he's playfully pushing you off of him but you refuse to budge.

_ "No not yet!" and you kiss the scar reaching the side of his face yet again.

He's been gloomy lately, quiet and distant.. understandable right? the war has left its trace on him as well as it did everyone else, and your once cheerful and lively boyfriend is now but a shell of what he used to be.

You refuse badgering him into reliving those painful memories, although you wish he would open up to you— even a little. If only he would do that..

_ "Alright, get off me sweetheart, seriously." he squeezes your ass cheeks teasingly before giving you a playful smak.

_ "I love you Keigo, you know that right?" if you're unable to get through to him, then maybe you can remind him that he's never going to be alone.

_ "I know that, and I love you too." his fingers trace your thighs lazily, almost absentmindedly as he turns his head to the side.

That's how it's been lately, almost every exchange between you two ends in him slipping away further from you, one way or another.

It hurts, of course it does, watching the one you love the most stubbornly fighting his lurking demons all by himself, makes you feel powerless.

_ "Keigo, please look at me." you push a bit more, cautiously so, tightening your thighs on each side of his slim waist, and placing your palms flat against his chest.

He's looking away still, and the lump in your throat only grows with each second that passes, "Keigo.." you call out again, and yet.. nothing.

You lean in once more, pressing your forehead to his cheek and sighing heavily, "I just want you to know that I'm right here, for as long as you'll have me, I can only imagine what's going on in your mind and I know it's a struggle, so please allow me to share your burden."

Your lips trail soft kisses along his scarred skin, from the side of his face and down to his neck where you linger, bracing yourself for yet another dismissive response.

_ "I want you right now." his words are dark, almost desperate as he growls his demand and cradles your butt cheeks, pressing you down on him and grinding up against your clothed pussy.

Your body stiffens but only for a moment, as you did not foresee this turn of events. If anything, you anticipated that little fake laugh which has never fooled you, as well as the good old "I swear I'm fine love."

But something is different tonight, he's finally holding on to you after weeks of running away, he's finally expressing his desire clearly after silently suffering for long, and you find yourself biting those burning tears back as you are suddenly reminded of that night -some years ago- when he broke down and bared his soul to you, keeping nothing in as he weeped and screamed and held you throughout the night, it was him Keigo Takami, not the nation's beloved Hawks.

That night -some years ago- the facade he kept up for most of his life had finally come down in front of you, but these past few weeks wrecked it all and reminded you of the way things were when you only knew him as Hawks.

_ "I'm all yours Keigo," you whisper back and press your lips against his parted ones in a heated liplock, it's warm and urgent, same as the hands hiking your shirt up and sneaking past the silky trim of your panties.

You raise your hips quickly, wordlessly begging him to rid you of the soft garment and ravish you at once. You miss this, you miss him.

He groans into the kiss, pushing the delicate fabric down, and you clumsily work it out of your legs without breaking apart of your boyfriend's lips.

You cradle his cheeks, as a strangled whine leaves your throat when he licks his way into your mouth. His tongue is burning hot and his hands are relentlessly exploring every inch of you he can reach from his position.

His slender fingers squeeze your buttocks firmly, pinning you down on his throbbing bulge and you both moan at the tempting friction created between you.

And with a sudden gasp, you find yourself on your back, sinking into the fluffy bedsheets, as he flips your positions and settles between your legs.

_ "Stay still." the darkness in his voice only deepens as he hastily peels off his shirt and lowers his sweatpants.

You swallow thickly watching his cock spring back against his abdomen, hard and raging, as if reflecting your boyfriend's impatience to be sheathed deep into your core.

You're a bit intimidated by his overwhelming aura as your eyes travel up to study his face, his gold brown irises gleam with intense longing, his strong jaw clenched and his lips sealed in a firm line.

He grasps his raging shaft and pumps it lazily, hissing while his knees nudge your legs further apart. His thick brows are knitted and his breathing is labored as he huskily demands you remove your shirt.

It should be frightening right? He has never been so forceful before, never so unhinged, but something about this unusual side of him is intriguing.

You follow the order and struggle to take off your remaining garment as gracefully as you possibly can from where you're laying under his watchful eyes, whimpering unintelligibly and biting down on your lip when he swiftly grabs onto your thighs and pulls you closer.

He's not speaking, not smiling, nor is he touching you gently or kissing you softly like he always does right before easing himself into your heat. No he's not.. not tonight.. tonight is all about a primal desire that's been fueled with weeks of stifled emotions.

_ "Don't hold back, Keigo.." you beg breathily, too afraid of losing him again, and it was the sign he's been waiting for, to snap his hips and sink deep into your core with one hard thrust.

Your eyes roll back and your mouth falls open, but nothing comes past it except for a strangled mewl as you dig your nails into his arms while feeling the delicious sting of the first intrusion.

His eyes are trained on your flushed skin and heaving chest as he pulls back to the tip and slams his way into you once more.

The remnants of his beautiful crimson feathers flutter restlessly around him, old scars mixed with recent ones are scattered across his otherwise fair skin, and an alluring expression is adorning his features as he pounds you into oblivion..

At this moment, and through your hazy eyes, he looks like an angel.. a broken angel.

_ "Keigo, Keigo, kiss me, please.." tears form in your eyes as you reach out a shaky hand, clumsily smoothing out his scowl and bringing his face closer.

His lips crash against yours painfully, sloppily, as he bites onto your bottom one and swallows your desirous whimpers.

His hands travel up to clutch onto your bouncy breasts, groping and kneading the soft flesh as his thrusts turn even harder and faster.

Your fingers caress his arms and shakily move around his neck and back to trace every fading scar on his sweat glistening skin.

_ "Talk to me, Keigo, please tell me what you're thinking." you whimper between sloppy kisses only to receive another hard plunge as a response.

He's not ready to talk yet, and you get it.

His lips leave yours and travel along your jaw, trailing wet kisses in their wake and move further down to suck on the sensitive skin of your neck.

You cry out his name over and over again, pulling on his hair weakly as that familiar warmth is strating to pool within you.

You will not be able to last much longer, and neither will he.

His twitching shaft and erratic hips are slamming mercilessly against your own, again and again, and then you hear it..

The sound of your name flowing out of his mouth, gruff and desperate as he fucks you even harder.

The bruising clutch on your sides trembles, and the lustful growls of your name don't seem to subside.

Your fingers leave his ash blonde hair to dig into the flexing muscles of his shoulders, and you squeeze your legs around his stuttering waist while shockwaves of pleasure wash over you as your lover's voice fills your senses.

You shudder violently with every deep thrust he delivers, and your vision blurs as he pushes one more time into your heat before releasing his pearly seeds and coating your clenching walls without a warning.

He has never done it before, not without asking for your permission beforehand. But even so, you're not mad, you're not pushing him away or asking him to stop and pull out.

In fact, you're squeezing him in your arms, tears are falling down your face as you beg him to keep going, "please, don't pull out, Keigo please!"

And he does as instructed, fulfilling your wish and emptying his thick load in your welcoming cunt before collapsing on top of you, with his softening cock still sheathed within.

Labored breathing, desperate gasps and sweaty bodies are entangled in the warmth of your messy bed. And for a moment, no words were exchanged between you.

But suddenly..

_ "I can't get it out of my head," he's talking, "I can't stop picturing the blood and the terror," he's talking, "even when I close my eyes, I can still see it all," just like that night -some years ago- he's burying his face in the warmth of your neck and finally speaking, "the destruction, the victims and their screams," he's finally talking after weeks of shutting down, but his words are stabbing at your heart.

You get it though, you always have. Many have fallen during the war, and just as many were left with permanent scars on their souls, and Keigo is but one example.

You run your fingers through his disheveled hair, placing the softest kisses on his shoulder and tracing the expanse of his scarred back where you linger a bit, to caress his feathers, "I know Keigo, I understand how you're feeling, it's hard and it's suffocating but trust me, it will get better eventually," you bite back a sob and take a deep breath before carrying on, "you will never be alone, I'm right here and will always be," you squeeze him tighter as warm tears start to fall down your face once more.

You hate how weak you're being, you feel so powerless when the person you love the most needs you, "I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better, but I promise that we will figure it out together."

He's not talking anymore, but.. something warm and wet is trickling down your neck, soft sobs are escaping his throat as he breaks down in your arms.

It kills you, crushes your heart and devastates you, but maybe this is what he needs, maybe he should feel the pain instead of escaping it, maybe he has to face his demons and fight, maybe then he will have his closure.

You listen to his whimpers and cry with him, as his arms crush you between them. It will be a long way, but you'll walk it alongside him.

_ "I'm sorry honey, I'm so sorry for taking my frustration out on you, please forgive me." he sounds weak and broken, too ashamed to look you in the eyes, but you refuse to lose him again.

You cradle his tear stained cheeks and force him to face you. His eyes are red and puffy, a soft loving gaze is emanating from them— unlike the one from earlier, and the sight of it brings a little smile to your face, "there is nothing to forgive Keigo, you can do whatever you want with me, you can even scream and cry or punch a wall if you wish, and I'll do it with you, just don't run away from me again, please."

He hums softly and pecks you once, pulling away but only for a moment to word his response "you have my word," before pressing his lips with yours yet again.

He's been alone most of his life, fending for himself against the world, but not anymore, because now he has you.

[quimichi]

. . . . . ╰──╮HOW FAR GONE ARE YOU?╭──╯ . . . . .

Childe x Creator!Reader

He's your most devoted Worshipper, doing everything and anything for you, without any orders. Sounds like a dream, doesnt it? Well...it could be if he wouldn't had lost his mind...can you fix him tho?

"I took care of those who dared to do...profanity against you, my grace" his words, so careful yet rushed. He came in a hurry, he seems to came as fast as he could to proudly announce his doing to you. But you can't help but think...what exactly did he do?

"What did you do, Childe?" You can feel his answer, deep down you know what he did to those souls who dared to not worship the god he is obsessed with. Personally, you couldn't care less about a few who dont like you as their creator, but Childe could never accept this as you could. "They have been... taken care of." Childe's voice is cold, emotionless, and his eyes are dead set on your face. His words feel frozen, they sting on your skin and let shivers run down youe spine. Childe truly is...your most scary and feared Worshipper. He says it flatly but there is a sense of victory in his tone. Everything he does for you makes him proud, he will always come running to you like a child to their parents, this is how it feels like, a child looking for his parents approval.

"They are no longer a threat to your rule." Do you truly want to know what he did? Do you truly want to ask him this? Do you TRULY wanna feed into his obsession even more?....

"Childe, please tell me what you did" your voice was layered with worry, but he can't hear it, he won't understand it. He is far to much gone now to even understand in what state of worry he puts you in. "I have killed them, my grace." Childe's words are delivered with a smug smile, and when you hear it, a chill goes down your spine. "They will never again be able to insult you... or me again."

Childe is breathing faster now, as if reliving the moment for you. His face is flushed, but there is no remorse, no doubt. Only excitement, a cruel satisfaction. Never insult him again? "Why would they ever insult you?"

Childe's eyes flicker closed. "Because they were jealous," he says with a snarl in his tone. "They were jealous of the time I spent with you. They thought you did not deserve my dedication... so I made them understand." "You killed them because you thought those people were jealous?" Now you truly know that he lost all common sense, lost in his devotion for you. Lost in his love, his obsession, his adoration for you. If he could, if you would allow him to, hed get rid of every single person in Teyvat to only have you for himself. Childe flashes you a brilliant smile. "Of course, My God." He says it so casually— as if he was telling you that water is wet. "Did you really think I would tolerate that kind of insolence?"

So, he does truly think that people who notice his obsessions with you are doing profanity against you, because of jealousy? Isn't the mind of a insanely obessed and delusional person beautiful? But, can you really accept him this way, can you handle him? Can you...fix him?

A/n: it turned out so much more messy than intended...it's horrible haha

[flanaganfilm]

I tend to get obsessed with scenes where actors have a particularly outstanding performance. I find myself revisiting them over and over again just to relive the moment. Several examples of this, but one that I just love is in Midnight Mass when Kate and Zach are on the rowboat. What's it like experiencing that live, during production? Are you aware in the moment of how special it is or does that become more evident in post? Love to hear any and all details behind the scenes of how those get made. Also curious what scenes from your favorite movies/TV standout as particularly compelling performances by the actors.

This scene is a strange one, because it was the first thing we shot of the whole series. We had been shut down since March 2020 when the initial COVID lockdown hit, and were the first show in North America to go back into production that summer. We didn't know how to do that, and were juggling constantly evolving safety protocols as we tried to figure out how to shoot in this new world. Because a lot of our sets weren't ready to shoot when we came back, we opted to start easy - on our stages, with blue screen work. The boat scene is shot entirely on blue screen, we didn't even have water - the boat was gently rocked back and forth by grips. Kate and Zach were asked to do this huge, heavy, insanely difficult and emotional scene ON OUR FIRST DAY. I had asked them a few weeks prior if they'd be okay with that, as I was worried - they hadn't built their characters yet. They hadn't put a single scene down to draw from. But both said they'd do it, and so we threw them into the deep end.

(That's DP Michael Fimognari in the boat, trying to adjust lighting through his goggles) It was a VERY weird day. We were all wearing KN95 masks and goggles, the actors had to wear full masks and face shields when we weren't rolling. It was absolutely surreal and just about impossible for anyone to get into any headspace that felt like we were doing scene work. I had been fitted with modified motorcycle goggles, as I needed eye protection to be near the actors (it was all more than a bit ridiculous.) There was a ladder on set - you can see it behind Michael in the picture above - and I started the day by climbing it to address the cast and crew. About ten words into my speech, my goggles completely fogged up and I couldn't see anymore. I had to be helped down the ladder by several grips. I remember the first rehearsal was insane because the actors weren't allowed to take off their masks, per Netflix safety protocols. I was also required to wear my mask and goggles throughout, so giving direction to actors who couldn't see my face was a brand new and deeply strange thing (I'd continue to work this way for the next two years, we all got used to it, but this first day was fucking WEIRD). Kate and Zach couldn't even really hear each other through the masks to rehearse, as it was such a quiet and intimate scene. I was standing a few feet away and couldn't hear a damn thing. It was additionally weird because all of the elements of the scene outside of the boat wouldn't be added for many, many months as we got into VFX. There was no water, no stars, nothing at all to look at but hanging blue curtains and masked crew members. I don't know how Kate and Zach were able to put all of that aside and deliver the performances they delivered - oh wait, I suppose I do know. It's because they are exceptional actors. Kate later told me she was so outside of her comfort zone that she had to just dive in and trust every single thing around her. The scenes in the boat ultimately came together beautifully, but I did apologize to both of them later in the shoot. It wasn't fair that we asked them to do that, to start like that, without letting them build any foundation. But both waved it off. Production is chaos, and that particular production was the very first out the gate with COVID, so everything was crazy. They took all of that vulnerability and uncertainty and discomfort and fear and turned it into a handful of scenes that roar with honesty. It's among my favorite moments in what may always be my favorite Intrepid series.

[skywalker1dream]

part of the stuck with the stranger series

Title:Unexpected Connections

part one | part three

note: hello, how are you guys hope you are having a good day or night, my day is fantastic so far I driking my second cup of coffee exams are coming and writing those fics kind of helping me to relive my stress (even tho I have so little time for myself) so this is part 2 of stuck with the stranger and I changed many things cause I didn't liked my previous writing and add plot twist too ( I don't know if it is a good plot twist tho my friend saw it coming mile away, but maybe its because she knows me better then I know myself, okay I won't bore you even more and I hope you like it <3

Summary: Carlos Sainz and the reader's romance takes an unexpected turn when it's revealed she's the little sister of Carlos's best friend, Lando Norris. As secrets unravel, they must navigate the complexities of their relationship. Will love conquer all, or will fate intervene?

warnings: none, I guess?

The first date with Carlos was like stepping into a fairy tale. The soft glow of candlelight illuminated the intimate restaurant as you sat across from him, lost in conversation that flowed effortlessly between you.

"So, tell me something about yourself that I wouldn't learn from twitter," Carlos said, leaning forward with genuine interest.

You chuckled, feeling a warmth spread through you at his easy charm. "Well, I have a secret talent for making the world's best pancakes," you confessed with a grin.

Carlos's eyes lit up with amusement. "Really? I'll have to put your skills to the test sometime. My pancake game could use some serious improvement."

The laughter that followed was infectious, filling the air with a sense of warmth and comfort. As the evening progressed, you found yourselves diving deeper into conversation, exploring topics ranging from your favorite childhood memories to your wildest dreams for the future.

Hours passed in the blink of an eye, and before you knew it, the restaurant was closing around you. Reluctantly, you and Carlos said your goodbyes, promising to meet again soon.

........

On your second date, Carlos surprised you by taking you to a local amusement park. The sound of laughter filled the air as you rode roller coasters and indulged in cotton candy.

"This is amazing," you exclaimed, your heart racing with excitement as you clutched Carlos's hand tightly on the Ferris wheel.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself," Carlos replied, a smile playing on his lips as he looked at you fondly. "I've been wanting to take you here since our first date."

As the sun began to set, painting the sky in shades of pink and orange, you leaned against Carlos's shoulder, feeling a sense of contentment wash over you. In that moment, surrounded by the bright lights and joyful laughter of the amusement park, you knew that this was where you were meant to be.

The evening ended with a cozy dinner at a nearby cafe, where you and Carlos shared stories and laughed until your sides hurt. It was a night you would never forget, a perfect blend of excitement and intimacy that left you craving more.

.....

dates followed, each one more memorable than the last. From picnics in the park to late-night stargazing sessions, you and Carlos reveled in each other's company, savoring every moment you spent together.

One evening, Carlos surprised you by taking you to a quaint bookstore nestled in the heart of the city. You spent hours browsing the shelves, exchanging book recommendations and sharing snippets of your favorite passages. It was a simple yet meaningful date, one that allowed you to connect on a deeper level.

As you walked hand in hand through the quiet streets, the night air filled with the soft glow of streetlights, you couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude for the man beside you. In Carlos, you had found not only a romantic partner but also a kindred spirit, someone who understood you in a way that no one else ever had.

.....

But amidst the blissful haze of new love, there was a looming complication, one that neither of you had anticipated. It all came to a head one week later, on a race weekend, when Lando brought you to the paddock, and Carlos's world collided with yours in an unexpected twist of fate.

As you walked through the bustling paddock beside Lando, Carlos's familiar figure came into view, his brown eyes widening in shock as he caught sight of you.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his tone laced with confusion as he approached.

Before you could respond, Lando stepped forward, a mischievous grin playing on his lips. "Carlos, meet my little sister," he said, gesturing towards you. "She wanted to see what all the fuss was about."

Carlos froze, his expression shifting from confusion to disbelief in the span of a heartbeat. His gaze darted between you and Lando, realization dawning on him like a bolt of lightning.

"Your sister?" he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. "But... but I had no idea... that you....."

You watched as the shock registered on Carlos's face, his features contorting with a mix of disbelief and dawning realization. It was as if the ground had shifted beneath his feet, leaving him adrift in a sea of uncertainty.

In that moment, you knew that nothing would ever be the same again. The revelation had shaken Carlos to his core, casting a shadow over the fragile bond you had built together. And as you stood there, caught between past and present, you couldn't help but wonder what the future held in store for you and Carlos.

.....

[igotlovestruck]

LIPS OF AN ANGEL | MM19

PAIRING: mason mount x wolff!reader ; a bit of george russell x wolff!reader

DETAILS & WARNINGS: profanities, mentions cheating/infidelity, mason's anger is totally understandable, y/n's a bit of a bitch(? idk towards the end tho), rushed ending bc i really wanted to end this hahahah, also not proofread and tons of dialogues ahhahah

WC: 4k

A/N: i apologize for uploading this soo late 😭 i had writers block for a long while :< anyway, enjoy reading!

TAGGED: @i83andrew @pleasantducktimetravel

this work is purely fictional. names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. © newuniverse, 2023. do not steal, repost in other platforms, translate and/or claim this work as your own.

now, four months have passed since you’ve broken up with mason (or at least that was what your letter stated). in those months, mason finds himself longing for you. the man often finds himself up most nights, sleeping so late and waking up so early to head to training and other prior schedules he has every day.

mason would not deny it; that if someone were to ask if he had tried contacting you, your dad and even your stepmum. the couple would always say that they don’t know your whereabouts, but deep inside, he knows they know and knowing you, you were probably the one who asked them not to tell him. the first month was the hardest, he tried calling you every night and every chance he got while on his schedule. he was waiting for your voicemail greeting to play just to hear your voice and after that, he’d record what he wanted to say. a mixture of i love you’s, i miss you’s and please come back. 

it wasn’t easy with you as well. you missed mason and you missed the days where it was just the two of you in your own little world. if you could only go back in time, you’d never leave the house during the night of your fight and maybe this never would’ve happened. you missed seeing mason on the other side of the bed; you weren’t a morning person but whenever there’s a chance that you wake up before him, you’d watch him sleep and listen to his gentle snores while you lightly trace his beard with the tip of your finger. you missed snuggling to him during cold mornings, you missed the lazy make-outs because he couldn’t get his hands off of you, you missed him whispering sweet nothings in your ear after you wake up. you missed mornings with mason, too bad you can no longer relive those moments.

though you can’t help that every time you wake up, you have that thought that you could go back to london, you could return his calls, you could return back to mason and restart your relationship. but every time you do think of doing those things, you’re reminded of what you did. all those lies you’ve told him, and those days where you were away and sleeping with another man. 

going back to the man you’ve hurt seems such a foolish thing to do, and you know the people around mason wouldn’t allow such a thing. though you may think that mason would have the same thinking as the others, he sometimes does not. he wanted to risk it all again with you, he wanted to try and fix it with you. all he wanted is you and you alone.

going back to mason is something that you want to do but wouldn’t do. and on the fourth month, 5 day mark, mason had revealed his month long relationship with a model, lia mendes.

honey, why you calling me so late?

it’s kinda hard to talk right now. 

honey, why you crying, is everything okay?

i gotta whisper cause i can’t be too loud.

you stood in your living room filled with moving boxes, susie and toto were outside while jack was napping inside your bedroom. all you could do was sigh. it felt so weird moving into a new apartment–let alone moving to the southeast corner of france. monaco was a lovely place to live in, knowing that your father lives here (though he travels most of the time), the fact that you live nearby brings you some sort of relief, safety and comfort. though, as many people have said, you disappeared off the face of the earth for a few months, you’ve lived your life quietly with your mum for a while as you wait for the situation with mason to die down.

you were in a rush when you left london the night you told mason you were just going to the store. you left without even taking a second look, not even an ounce of thought. sure, it was a wrong move—a dumb decision as well, but you wanted to run away from all the mistakes you’ve made. you wanted to escape. leave everything you have to the place you once loved—now a place you dread the most. it was not the easiest decision either, but it was the only solution that you could think of.

the night you left mason, you didn’t go to the store. instead, you met george. again, a clandestine meeting. you messaged george when you were a few blocks away from his place, which is why you met a furious brit.

“have you lost your mind, kid?” he says, god you hated that nickname. it was the nickname that toto knew george gave you and became the hint that you and the driver are close. “she could’ve caught me! she could’ve seen your bloody message! why did you want to see me—”

“i told him, george. he–he probably saw the letter by now because i left a few hours ago.”

the driver’s eyes widened, definitely not the sentence he was not expecting to hear from you. suddenly, he didn’t know what to do or say. george tried to pull you in his arms, but you were quick to push him away. “this… george! this is exactly why we need to stop what’s between us!” you said, “i can’t believe i’m saying this but i regret everything that happened between us. i regret taking advantage of mason and carmen. i hate how i know that dad will be so disappointed in me. so please, let’s stop this… we can’t keep hurting and breaking the trusts of the people around us.” 

your voice cracks by the end of the last sentence, you could feel george staring at you but you kept your gaze on your feet. no strength to look at his eyes because you know that this man would do anything just to make you stay. 

“but baby—”

from calling you kid to baby—you hated it. you felt disgusted. you needed to end it.

“no, george. no buts.” you cut off, “i have to go. i… i wish you all the best.”

you walk back to your car, locking the doors in case george runs after you. again, without looking back, you drive away. leaving the confused brit in the empty street.

and even though you ended things with george that night, he hadn’t stopped calling and texting you—afraid that you might say anything about your relationship to others, even with friends and family. all he ever cared about was his reputation, he was scared. after all, he was doing great with mercedes the past season and a scandal with his boss’ daughter would put him through hell. 

now, you were left alone in this apartment overlooking the beauty of monaco. you sat on your balcony with a glass of wine sitting on the table, feeling the breeze of the mediterranean sea. oh you missed mason. you haven’t heard anything from him since you two broke up. 

and maybe it was the number of wine in your system that you ended up dialing his number, the one you’ve deleted yet can’t seem to forget as you knew it by heart. no matter how hard you try to forget about it. it kept on ringing and ringing, and you tried to re-dial once it ended due to the exceeding minute. 

on the fifth try, you finally heard his voice. 

“hello?”

you know that feeling when you’ve spoken to your high school crush for the very first time, your heart drops and your stomach is filled with butterflies to the point where you don’t know what to say? that is exactly what you felt when you heard mason’s voice after months.

“hello?” he repeats, “is this a prank call? ‘cause this is the fifth time you called and i might need to block your number–”

“masey.”

you heard sounds of bed rustling followed by a door closing, you assumed that he was already in bed and was fast asleep. after all, it was already midnight. “y/n?” and that’s when the tears started to roll in, god how you missed that voice. “are you crying? is everything alright?” his voice was quiet.

“y-yeah, just…” you sniffed, “just missing you and i think it has something to do with this stupid wine.”

“sorry, i’ve got to whisper. m-my girlfriend’s asleep,”

“oh.” you wiped your tears, you only found out that mason was dating someone now. “i’m sorry, i should’ve known. god, i’ll hang up–”

“no!”

well, my girl’s in the next room

sometimes i wish she was you

i guess we never really moved on

it’s really good to hear your voice saying my name

it sounds so sweet

“she’s in the other room anyway, we can continue talking.” he continued, “h-how have you been? i’ve seen photos of jack on susie’s instagram, may have had a glimpse of you spending time with them in her stories. have you gone karting with jack recently?”

you chuckle, chugging the remaining wine on your glass before responding. “i-i stayed with them for a month, i stayed with my mum as well, after our… well, you know. i’ve accompanied jack while dad and susie are busy. you know, the season has already started and susie is busy with the f1 academy. i was vacant for a month, but i’ve started working again–i’m talking too much, you should really hang up, mason.”

“you know, it’s really good to hear your voice saying my name, y/n.” mason said, “it-it really sounds so sweet.”

“we should really stop, mason.”

you heard him scoff on the other end of the line, “it’s so funny that you’re the one saying that, i’m not the one who called in the first place, y/n.”

“i know, and i only found out that you were dating someone tonight. y-you should be with her, you shouldn’t be talking to your ex who… who cheated on you tonight. she deserves better.”

“i guess we never really moved on, y/n.” he replied, “i–”

“goodbye, mason. good night.”

coming from the lips of an angel

hearing those words, it makes me weak

and i never wanna say goodbye

but, girl, you make it hard to be faithful

with the lips of an angel

mason couldn’t sleep that night and had trouble waking up, which was the reason why lia, so early in the morning, was mad as her boyfriend was sleeping so deep and no matter how hard she tried to wake him up, she just couldn’t. lia was running late for a schedule that mason had promised to come with her as their break for the season had begun. 

“masey, i’m running super late. my manager is about to burst, can’t you please move much faster?” she said, in a mixture of annoyed and calm voice. “didn’t we go to bed at the same time last night? why do you look like you haven’t at all?”

“because i haven’t slept,” he answered directly.

“why?”

“just… nothing. let’s go.”

the couple exited mason’s house, lia practically sprinted to mason’s car and sat on the front seat. masey, that was the nickname most people call him but now, he only wanted to hear your voice call him that and nobody else. when you say his name, it sounded like it came from the lips of an angel. it made him weak most of the time. 

lia had arrived a half an hour late, her manager was already glaring at mason and immediately separated the couple. while lia was doing her photoshoot, leaving mason alone, he realised that he never wanted to break up with you, even if you admitted what had happened between you and george, or maybe he was just thinking about it as you’ve spoken last night. maybe he just missed you. he did miss you. 

what’s fucked up is that he thought he finally moved on from you, that he was ready to commit to a new relationship. he knew that when he and lia were testing the waters, a month before they officially dated. he has told himself several times that he was over you, yet here he is. reminiscing all the memories you’ve shared the past years you two were together after that phone call. you were making it hard for him to be faithful.

as he was waiting, mason was on his phone when he received a notification of an invite to attend another f1 race with red bull. this time, it was in barcelona. he remembered the last time you and he went to monaco, a weekend to remember indeed. 

“we’re going to be separated for almost the whole day, baby” you laugh, putting on your dress as mason shoves his phone into his pocket. “it’s going to be so weird because you’ll be at the red bull garage, and i’ll be at mercedes!”

“hey, i can still go there, you know? plus we’ll see each other around the paddock.” he replied, walking behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. “besides, your dad loooves me. i’m sure he’ll understand that this is for work and publicity.”

you smiled, zipping your dress up and turned to face him. mason pursed his lips, signifying that he was asking for a kiss. you giggled, and eventually leaned in to connect your lips together. when you pulled away, you put your hand on his face and ran the pads of your thumb on his beard–the one you loved doing after you two kissed every time.

“you, sir… look so handsome with your outfit.” you compliment, he was wearing his chequered rhude shirt over some white shirt. you leaned in again for another kiss, deepening it–only pulling away when you heard your phone ring. “okay, before things escalate, i have to go. dad’s calling.”

“your dad’s such a cockblocker.” he teased, earning a slap on the arm from you. “i’m just kidding! i’ll see you when i see you at the paddock.”

mason remembered how he stole a kiss every time you crossed paths at the paddock or at the pit lane during his walk. a lot of people saw and took pictures and videos of it, posting it on social media. that video was trending in the world of f1 and football for a few days before dying down. he remembered seeing tweets and posts on instagram, saying they were jealous of your relationship. he remembered the two of you having dinner at toto and susie’s place, how he was teased by you and jack (toto eventually joined) throughout dinner as he went as red bull’s guest and not mercedes. he remembered lying with you on the deck of a rented yacht, under the sun, enjoying the monte-carlo air.

on the other side of europe, you are woken up by the sound of your phone ringing. you were taking your afternoon siesta before returning back to your home office to continue working, and whoever was calling you in the middle of your nap, may they stub their toe on some furniture. tired, you reached out for your phone and answered the call without looking at the screen.

“hello?” you groggily said, “whoever you are, you’ve interrupted my siesta and i may hate you for that.”

“well, hello to you, my daughter.” your father’s voice rang through your ears. “and i’m sorry if i interrupted your nap, but would you be so kind and open your front door please?”

“what?”

“open the door, i’ve been out here for almost fifteen minutes.”

and off you went to your front door, toto was greeted by a grumpy daughter whose eyebrows were furrowed. you looked at your father, “what are you doing here, dad?”

“no ‘hallo, vater’? no ‘how are you doing, dad?’. none?” he joked, entering your place as you made way for him and closed the door. “okay, i will be quick. come with us to barcelona this weekend.”

your eyes widened, “what? i have work, i can’t just leave.”

“your brother told me that you have a flexible work schedule, that you’re allowed to bring your work everywhere you go.” your dad replied.

“theodore wolff, that little bitch.” you cursed under your breath, you couldn’t help but facepalm with what your brother just did. “dad–”

“i know that tone, y/n wolff.” toto stopped you from continuing your sentence, “come on, it’ll be just like the old days! except your brother isn’t here because his finals week aligned with the weekend in barcelona.”

you bit your lip, making a decision as your father can be impatient. if you go to the race, the possibility of running to george is high–no matter how much effort you exert on avoiding the man, you simply can’t as he is, of course, a driver for mercedes. but, it’ll be good for you as well! you haven’t gone to spain for years, a change of environment and working outside of your home office may be good for you as well. you work only on weekdays, and you’ll be free for the rest of the weekend so you wouldn’t think of work that much in case.

“okay fine, i’ll go with you. when’s the flight?” 

“tonight.”

“TONIGHT?! dad, a little heads up would’ve been nice!”

“i’m sorry, pack your bags and we’ll pick you up by 8.” toto said, planting a kiss on your head. “i’ll go now, we’ll see you later!”

—

on saturday morning, arriving at the paddock with your father, a lot of people approached you by the entrance. some asked for pictures, some for autographs (which you didn’t quite understand), and some were nice enough to greet you. to say that you’re nervous is an understatement. you were returning to the paddock, you’re about to see george, his fiancée–the people you've been avoiding for months were in barcelona with you. you opted to stay in your hotel since your arrival in spain, finishing all the work you have left before proceeding with your weekend. as you walk to the paddock with toto, you could feel your palm sweat and your stomach turn the more you get closer to mercedes’ garage. 

“word is, footballers are in red bull’s garage.” you overheard one of the mechanics upon entering the garage. the word football made you even more nervous than you already were.

“oh come on, mate. i think i’ve seen a few yesterday! that’s old news!”

“i haven’t seen any yesterday but so far, i’ve seen james, felix, chilwell–” please don’t tell me mason is here. “–and mount. just last year they were in monaco, weren’t they?”

the other mechanic nodded his head. mason is here. breathing the same air as you, probably a few metres away from you even. i knew this was a bad idea. you thought to yourself.

“you look like you saw a ghost.” said your father after speaking to the engineers.

you shook your head, “well, i think i’m about to see one today.” you joked, “i-uh, i’ll go out to find something to drink.”

toto raised an eyebrow, a bit unsure of your change of behaviour but you gave him a smile and reassured that you’ll be back. “alright, just…be back before quali, alright?”

you nodded your head and exited the garage. walking around the paddock like you were a normal guest, someone who just wants to enjoy the weekend. but it’s hard when people recognize you as toto wolff’s daughter, and as much as you try to stay away from the crowd, people still approached you. little did you know, someone has spotted you.

“oi, mason!” ben called his teammate, walking towards the man who’re talking with the other players. “guess who i saw walking around the paddock?”

“who?”

ben took a step closer to the younger, whispering your name. mason felt his heart skip a beat, realising the same thing you’ve thought about just a few minutes ago: you were here, breathing the same air as him.

it's funny that you're calling me tonight

and, yes, i've dreamt of you too

and does he know you're talking to me?

will it start a fight?

no, i don't think she has a clue.

needless to say, you were good at hiding. mason had presented the pirelli pole position award to max, he wanted to know if you were there to see him next to the driver. but as he scanned the sea of crowd, you were nowhere to be found. after the qualifying, you returned back to your hotel–reasoning that you were exhausted and had a headache. as soon as you were back, you changed clothes and plopped yourself on the bed. but it wasn’t so soon when your phone started ringing, a number you once called.

“hello?”

“a little birdie told me that you were in the paddock today.”

you sighed, closing your eyes but held the phone close to your earshot. “was it ben?”

“you know it. he’s always liked you–in a platonic way, i mean.”

silence followed right after he had mentioned ben, you were exhausted to even reply. 

“y/n–”

“it’s so funny that you’re calling me tonight, mason.” you said, “i assumed the night i called you, you would’ve blocked my number.”

“you know i would never do that. we’ve been together for a long time, y/n.”

“i must be living in your head, mason.”

mason scoffed on the other end of the line, “well, i wasn’t thinking of you until the night you called.” he replied, “and yes, i’ve dreamt of you too.”

you jolted up from the bed when you heard a knock on the door, with the phone on the other hand you made your way to the door. you didn’t even bother looking through the peephole to see who was knocking on your door late in the night, you just assumed it was your dad. promptly, you opened the door–lo and behold, mason mount was standing in front of you. unable to speak, you still held your phone by your ear and stared at him, him and his stupid smile. mason was the one who ended the call and shoved his phone into his pocket.

“hi,” he said, “it’s been a few months, y/n.”

“how did you–what are you–i’m so confused right now.” you expressed, about to shut the door but mason was quick enough to stop you. “what do you want, mason?”

“does he know you’re talking to me? will it start a fight?” he asked, completely ignoring your question and welcomed himself inside your room, shutting the door close. “george. does george know?”

“i called it off with him the night i left a letter for you, mason. i went to his place and i ended things with you both at the same time.”

mason scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. “wow,” he exclaimed, “george had the in-person “break-up” and all i got is a stupid fucking letter?”

“mason–”

“that is bullshit, y/n. pure bullshit.” mason barked, “all this time, george got the closure that i should’ve had. me–y/n, i was the one you dated for a long time and all i fucking got is a lousy letter about the truth of your affair with george?”

“i was supposed to, mason!” you yell back, “i was supposed to tell you, but the timing just wasn’t right.”

“and you thought lying straight to my face when i asked you about it, was okay?” you were about to answer, but mason was already rushing to the door. when he was about to exit, he said: “i went here thinking i could finally get the closure i needed, but fuck, was i wrong about this.”

you scoff, “that’s on you, then. you come running to the girl who cheated on you.” you said, “does lia know that you’re still hung up on your past? because i don’t think she has a clue.”

ynwolff

liked by susie_wolff, mercedesamgf1, lewishamilton and others

ynwolff so many familiar faces here in spain 🇪🇸 here’s a little dump of my weekend here 🤓

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yourbffsig oh i know who those familiar faces were 😉

ynwolff 😂 stop

yourbffsig we’re going to a party tonight after what happened, we need to get wasted!!

ynwolff as long as i make it back home on time and alive, let’s gooo

mercedesamgf1 glad to have you back in the garage, y/n! 🐺

ynwolff glad to see the team secure a double podium, thank you for having me! 🖤

mercedesamgf1 a great weekend indeed!

yourmomsig missing you so much, sweetheart! hope you enjoyed x

ynwolff miss you too mum ❤️

theowolff what about me 😓

ynwolff miss you too dumbass 🙄 you’re the reason why i went so you should’ve been with me, i could’ve avoided an unexpected circumstance hahahah

theowolff if only school let me 💀 but hey, at least you ‘enjoyed’

ynwolff i’m blocking you!!

user1 OMG SHES IN THE PADDOCK WHAT IF SHE SAW OR TALKED TI MASE IM DELULU (ALSO TOTO ON THE LAST SLIDE? LMAO)

user2 stop with these assumptions I BEG YALL

user3 people should learn how to stfu im being fr rn

user4 that’s toto’s reaction when he read your comment

user2 also the cryptic messages HELLO ?? i dont think they saw each other or if they did, it probably didn’t go so well

user3 you’re onto something babes 👀

masonmount

liked by declanrice, benchilwell, redbullracing and others

masonmount thank you redbullracing and jodieporter8 for everything!

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liamendes meu belo homem 😩🫶 i love you!

— ❤️ by masonmount

redbullracing THANK YOU!! 🫶

user5 when i tell yall this man is so FINE 🤌🏻

user6 this man is scrump-DILLY-tious

user7 yall CALM DOWN

user8 mason did something happen between u and y/n bc her posts have some sort of cryptic hints and i kinda wanna know whats going on tnx (jk hahaha love u both)

user9 HELPPP me too 😓 like what does her bff mean when she said “whag happened” and y/n saying “unexpected circumstance” LIKE GIVE ME SOMETHING??? A TEA PERHAPS???

user10 currently dying to know what the fucj happened in barcelona

[crowsource]

🐦‍⬛ 𝐖𝐄 𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐄 — quotes taken from the first novel in hafsah faizal's sands of arawiya duology. some edits have been made to allow for rp purposes. feel free to adjust for pronouns/names/etc.

❝ We hunt the flame, the light in the darkness, the good this world deserves. ❞

❝ A thousand leagues and a thousand sands. For you, a thousand times I would defy the sun. ❞

❝ Heart of my heart. Moon of my soul. ❞

❝ If I told you my name, would you bow? Or would you flee? ❞

❝ A life without purpose may be no life, but a life without love is nothing but an existence. ❞

❝ Bring the desert to its knees. ❞

❝ He was a mess of scars like the sky was a mess of stars. ❞

❝ Love is for children. Death is for fools. ❞

❝ Suffering is our fate. ❞

❝ There is a certain beauty in chaos, magnificence in the uncontrollable. ❞

❝ Promise me that if you die, you will die fighting to return to me. ❞

❝ Knowledge without action is vanity, but action without knowledge is insanity. ❞

❝ Darkness is my destiny. ❞

❝ There was nothing more respectable and dangerous than a woman of confidence. ❞

❝ But eyes couldn't stay closed forever, unless one was dead. And the dead never dreamed. ❞

❝ Monsters preferred solitude. ❞

❝ Together, we will raise the dunes from the earth and rain death from the sky. Together, we are capable of anything. ❞

❝ He didn't live. He existed. And no one understood the difference between the two until they ceased to live. ❞

❝ They'll tell stories about us. ❞

❝ Death is the one thing certain in human life. Why does it still come as a surprise when it happens? ❞

❝ If you want me obedient, ___, kill me and carry my corpse. ❞

❝ He would not fear the darkness. He was the darkness. ❞

❝ A monster will always be enslaved to a master. ❞

❝ Sometimes, when you live a life of captivity, trapped for so long, freedom becomes a thing to fear. ❞

❝ May your hearts remain entwined beyond death. ❞

❝ The first step to getting anywhere is believing you can. ❞

❝ He came here for one act alone: murder. ❞

❝ He's not always this grumpy. Then again, he's one of those people who talks less and murders more. ❞

❝ A person without hope is a body without a soul. ❞

❝ People lived because she killed. ❞

❝ People died because he lived. ❞

❝ Who decides what's out of reach, if not we ourselves? ❞

❝ You are the compass in the storm, the guide in the dark. You will always find your way. ❞

❝ This was pain worse than a sword. This was forgetting and then remembering everything afresh, the curse of memories. ❞

❝ Men can be such beautiful trash. ❞

❝ A life without purpose is no life at all. ❞

❝ You remind me that hope is not lost. ❞

❝ That was life, wasn't it? A collection of moments, a menagerie of people. Everyone stranded everywhere, always. ❞

❝ Confidence breeds freedom. ❞

❝ No one can be that pure. ❞

❝ Death will be her companion. He's kept her safe all this time. Why stop now? ❞

❝ If only you knew what it was like to feel the weight of your gaze. ❞

❝ I just think that once you're bound to another, you change. That for the happiness of the one you love, and for your own, you change without knowing it. ❞

❝ That does not mean I cannot love a monster. ❞

❝ What are you? To define is to limit. ❞

❝ If you're going to save the world, you might as well do it in style! ❞

❝ Congratulations, ___. You're officially a murderer. Welcome to the club. ❞

❝ Think of all the women you can help by being you. ❞

❝ Did you think this was your chance for redemption? Darkness is your destiny. You were born for hell. ❞

❝ Tragedies happen once; memories relive them eternally. ❞

❝ You do it for them. For them to love you. ❞

❝ I once loved. ❞

❝ How come something so painless as the loss of memory hurt so much? ❞

❝ A life with magic means nothing to me if you aren't in it. ❞

❝ You and I are strangers. ❞

❝ I'm big enough to keep anyone busy for awhile. ❞

❝ Will there ever come a time when you won't see me as a monster? ❞

❝ You care for him. ❞

❝ I've never seen a face so open. ❞

[madhatterbri]

Five Captains | J.W.

Summary: Jay tells Y/N the reasoning behind his scars. Smut. 18+.

Author's Note: May make a mini series about the five captains. 🤷‍♀️ Debating.

Thanks @bullet-clubs-bitch for the use of the photo. ❤️

Tag List: @plentyoffandoms @mrsarcherofinfamy

"Don't," Jay ordered the moment Y/N's fingers went to touch the self-inflicted slashes on his chest. His grip on her wrist was not tight enough to hurt her, but enough to express the seriousness of the situation. "I can think of other places you can touch me,"

He led her hand down his body. Her fingertips barely gliding over his chest and stomach before stopping at the top of his pants. Y/N rolled her eyes and stared in his eyes.

"In due time, my love. The legends about you intrigue me," she assured him.

"The legends of a cruel captian should not intrigue that of a lady,"

"Well, this one warms the Captain's bed every night. As such, she is allowed to be intrigued," she reminded him sternly. He went to open his mouth, yet the look in her eyes silenced him. There was no winning against this one.

Jay grabbed her hand and kissed the top of it. Very slowly, he played with her fingers. No one had ever been allowed to touch them before. He closed his eyes and sighed. Her palm placed flat against the self-inflicted marks.

Once he relinquished control of her hand, the tip of her index finger traced them. He looked away from her gaze. Y/N traced the slashes softly. Worried that if she pressed too hard that she would hurt him or anger him.

"I gutted four of them like a trout. Left them to swim in Davy Jones' locker. Each and every one that left me on that island with nothing but a single bullet," he spoke. The captain made a gun symbol with his fingers. Bart, Miguel, Benito, and James. The bullet I saved for the Bastard. He pleaded for mercy, but there was none,"

The Captain's chambers fell into an uneasy silence. His eyes glazed over. Mind raced as he relived the painful memories in his mind. Those men deserved it. Every single hurt they felt before the sweet relief of death took them.

"They got what they deserve for what they did to you. Look at you now. The strongest captain in the Caribbean," she reassured him. She stood up and stared into his pained eyes. Her fingers ran through his brown locks before resting on his cheek. Jay leaned into the touch. His worries melted away.

The pirate cursed and crashed his lips on hers. He scooped her onto the bed. She scooted back, allowing him to crawl on top of her. Her eyes fluttered close the moment their lips met again. Jay kissed down her cheek to her neck.

"Jay," she breathed. He grabbed her dress. His fingers rose the fabric until it bunched around her waist. Jay looked at her for permission. She nodded quickly as if no was even an option for her. Y/N could never deny him.

Jay disappeared from her view. His head was covered by the dress. Soft kisses and bites covered her inner thighs. They went lower and lower until. She called out his name the moment his tongue connected to her core. Y/N bit her lip and turned her head to the side. His skilled tongue changed movements to keep her on edge.

He stood on his knees and lowered his pants. Jay positioned himself at her entrance. As he thrusted inside of her, his lips devoured hers. Her moan was hushed by him.

"Easy, love. I am the only one who can make you feel like this, so I'm the only one that can hear your need for me," he whispered harshly in her ear. His thrusts shook the bed against the wall. She scratched his back earning her a sharp hiss. Her moans and whimpers turned him on more. Y/N was his, all his.

Her face, neck, and chest flushed the moment she reached climax. All the tensions of ocean life were temporarily forgotten. He stilled inside of her the moment it was his turn. They both stared at each other as they caught their breath.

Y/N leaned in and kissed him. "Thank you, my captain,"

[dc-and-arfrona]

Redemption

Jason Todd x Gn!Reader

Based of this request and this prompt

Type: Angst

Word Count: 700+

Masterlist

----

Once the golden boy of Gotham, Jason Todd had descended into the shadows, consumed by darkness and vengeance. As the infamous Arkham Knight, he had become an enigma, a twisted embodiment of pain and sorrow. It was in this state of inner turmoil that he would cross paths with a remarkable woman who unknowingly challenged the walls he had built around his heart.

You, a beacon of hope in Gotham City, dedicated your life to helping those in need. Unbeknownst to Jason, you were not a stranger but someone he had once called a childhood friend. Fate had brought you together again, rekindling a bond that had been buried deep within both your hearts.

One fateful night, while patrolling the city's gloomy streets, Jason's mind wandered into the realm of memories. A particular image surfaced—the two of you, innocent and carefree, exploring the hidden corners of Gotham as children. Laughter echoed through the dilapidated alleyways, and a mischievous smile adorned Jason's face. It was in that very moment he first fell in love with you, though he didn't understand it then.

The memory swirled within his mind like a phantom, reminding him of the genuine connection you shared. It was during those childhood adventures that Jason felt an unspoken understanding between you, a bond that transcended the ordinary. But as the weight of his tragic past pressed upon his shoulders, he had distanced himself, fearing that his darkness would taint your light.

Unbeknownst to Jason, you also treasured those memories from your shared childhood. The feelings of warmth and affection were etched deep within your heart, guiding your unwavering determination to save him from his own torment. Though he tried to push you away, you recognized the flicker of recognition in his eyes, the echo of forgotten emotions that mirrored your own.

Inevitably, the Arkham Knight's actions attracted Batman's attention. Bruce Wayne, the Dark Knight, recognized the familiar anguish behind the mask and discovered the true identity of his adversary. Jason's tortured soul had pushed him beyond the brink, seeking vengeance against those he deemed responsible for his tragic past.

Amidst the chaos, you became entangled in Jason's vendetta, the thread of your shared history weaving its way through the present. In a moment of vulnerability, a flashback seized Jason's mind—a vivid recollection of a stolen glance, a stolen heart. The world around him faded as he relived the instant he first realized his love for you, a love that had remained hidden in the recesses of his wounded soul.

As the battle against crime raged on, you witnessed the internal struggle within Jason. The guilt, pain, and longing he carried threatened to consume his very essence. Each night, as he ventured into the shadows, he found himself torn between the need for vengeance and the desire to protect the innocence that radiated from you.

"I can see that the cold has bitten past your skin and into your heart, soul even," Jason whispered, his voice heavy with sorrow. He gazed at you, his eyes haunted by the memories of the past and the weight of his failures. "I never wanted you to see me like this, to be tainted by the darkness within me."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you reached out to him, aching to ease his pain. "Jason, the darkness may have consumed you for a while, but I see the flicker of light within you. You are still capable of love, of redemption."

In that moment, the walls around his heart began to crumble, and Jason allowed himself to be vulnerable. He leaned into your touch, seeking solace and finding a glimmer of hope in your unwavering presence.

Together, you faced the demons that haunted him, guiding him towards forgiveness and healing. With each step, the weight of his past became a little lighter, and the love between you grew stronger.

But there were moments when the anguish became too much to bear. In the dead of night, Jason would wake in a cold sweat, haunted by the faces of those he had lost and the pain he had caused. He would retreat to the solitude of his room, his mind a battlefield of regrets and self-doubt.

You would find him there, curled up in the darkness, his breath shallow and uneven. You would wrap your arms around him, whispering words of reassurance, reminding him that he was not alone. In those moments, he clung to you like a lifeline, seeking solace in your presence.

"I don't deserve your love," he would murmur, his voice barely above a whisper. "I've done terrible things, and the weight of my sins crushes me."

You would hold him tighter, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. "Jason, we all carry our scars and our mistakes, but that doesn't define who we are. I see the goodness in your heart, the capacity for redemption. You are not alone in this journey."

As time passed, Jason's walls began to crumble further. He allowed himself to trust, to let you in completely. It was a slow and painful process, the remnants of his past still clinging to his soul, but your unwavering support provided the strength he needed to push forward.

Together, you confronted the darkness that threatened to engulf him, fighting side by side against the demons that plagued his mind. And slowly, with each act of compassion, each whispered word of love, Jason found solace in your presence.

In the shadow of redemption, Jason Todd found a fragile peace. He learned to embrace his past, not as a weight to bear, but as a catalyst for growth. You became his anchor, the embodiment of love and understanding, guiding him towards the light.

The road to redemption was not without its obstacles. There were moments of doubt, of relapse into old habits and patterns. But you remained steadfast, reminding Jason of his worth, his capacity for change.

And as the days turned into months and the months into years, Jason began to rebuild his life, finding purpose and meaning in protecting Gotham City. He used his skills and experiences to fight for justice, to become a symbol of hope rather than vengeance.

Through it all, your love remained the guiding force, the foundation upon which his new life was built. Together, you carved a path towards a brighter future, leaving behind the shadows of the past.

In the end, it was the power of love that saved Jason Todd. The love that had been forged in childhood, weathered by darkness, and rekindled in the face of adversity. And together, you defied the odds, emerging stronger, united in your shared journey of redemption.

The memories of your childhood adventures now intertwined with the hope for a brighter tomorrow, as you both rekindled a love that had never truly died.

[thelittleliars]

Love Forever | Pt. 3

Natasha Romanoff x fem!Reader Yelena Belova x fem!Reader (Platonic)

Warnings: yelling, mention of death, sad fluff

Words: 2.6K

AN: Here's part 3! I didn't expect it to be done so soon since I was in Budapest last week and visited all the Black Widow Filming locations. And let me tell you: it was fucking amazing. I absolutly didn't want to leave, it was hard to leave since I felt so close to Nat and Yelena there 😭

Part 1 , Part 4

"Call your Avenger friends." Yelena told Natasha as soon as she came back home. Natasha was surprised by the blonde's appearance, she didn't expect her sister to come home already, it was barely 15 minutes since you both drove away. She then noticed you not being here. "Where is Y/N?" The younger sister did not stop, she ran through the house looking room for room for Melina and Alexei. "Yelena stop!" The red head demanded in a cold tone. "What the hell happened?"

She stopped in her tracks, turning around to look Natasha dead in the eye. "She's gone okay? And I need to find her so call your damn Avenger friends for help since they both disappeared with just one finger snap." The moment Yelena was about to continue looking for her parents, an important thought crossed her mind so she stayed and starred at her sister before uttering a word. "I never asked but you also never said a thing but right now I need to know, what happened 6 months ago when you woke up in that hospital room?"

"Don't make me relive that time, please." Natasha begged, afraid of everything come crashing down once again. "Do you want Y/N back with us or not?" The older sister nodded. "Then start talking."

A bunch of moments of the battle flashes in front of her eyes as if it was happening right now and then out of nowhere everything went black. The next thing she sees is you sitting on a chair next to her hospital bed. She tries to call out your name but the tube in her throat doesn't really allow her to. You notice her awakened state though and push the button for a nurse to come, while you know it takes time for one to come, you try to calm her down with soothing words. As soon as the tube is out of her, she drowns a bit of water quickly since all she has on her mind is finding Yelena. Dread along with fear and panic is filling all her senses. But the comfort she feels from her good friend Y/N makes her ask you for help to find her sister. You agree and go outside to get a doctor, the wait just makes her uneasy and more restless. Everything suddenly becomes a blur to her, especially after you come back in. She doesn't know what just happened but she snaps out of it when she hears Yelena's voice. She stares at her as if this is all just a dream but it's reality and it dawns on her what she just did to you. She pushed you hard and now she has to live with the shocked and scared expression she sees on your face.

Yelena takes Natasha home with her, an unfamiliar apartment that somehow feels like home to the red head. The blonde widow decorated most of her rooms, it feels weird to know that Natasha lost the last 4 years while looking at a part of Yelena's past 4 years. She looks around her younger sisters living room that is filled with a tons of photos. Most of them were of the siblings together but there are also a lot of photos of her and her close friend Y/N. And then she spots a photo that leaves her with confusion and a burning sensation inside of her body. In the photo Yelena is making a gagging face but in the background it clearly is you and the red head kissing, but in wedding clothes. A few memories are coming back to her, most of those are you both yelling at each other and fighting about things. She couldn't bare seeing herself so broken in her own memories, in all this haze she decides to fill a divorce and then telling Yelena to tell you about bringing back the signed papers. In her mind, with all the cruel memories this is the best way to restore and protect your friendship, the sacred bond that you both created during the snap. Though it never comes to that point since Yelena makes sure that Natasha is never near you again. Her marriage went down the drain along with friendship that she never get the chance to fix.

"I didn't regret filling that divorce until I had my check up with Dr. Cho and got recommended to a therapist." Natasha said truthfully. "Not only did I do what I did because I thought it was the best for us, to leave this bad or toxic marriage but also because somehow I got triggered and our childhood mantra was brought back into my system." Yelena saw how much this whole thing took a toll on her sister. "Love is for children, right?" The red head looked into the distance with nothing but empty eyes. 

"Sestra, there are so many types of love and none of them are only for children." Yelena tried so hard to get through to her sister. "Natalia Alianova Romanova do you hear me? Love is for everyone!" The look the older sisters gave her was very concerning though, she feared it was too late. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Home. You were finally back home. The first thing you did was checking the date of the day, month and year. You were gone for 3 weeks, but those were just 21 tiny earth days. A couple of decades went by for you though. Time works different when you travel through multiple universes. It also took a huge toll on your mind and body, you were beyond exhausted. But coming back here on earth 4-1-1 was worth all the trouble. 

You were beamed back to the exact spot Tuuli, that's the name of the girl Alexei hired to work with in his tattoo shop, had snapped you away. It was dark inside and outside of the tattoo shop. You had to walk out the emergency exit since the front door is already closed. You stepped into the rain, it was pouring badly but you felt at ease with the weather. As you were walking around some corners you felt a weird sensation through your whole body. You gulped as you had your theories of why this was happening, but you pushed those theories and thoughts away. 

The second you came out back with a clear mind you saw her standing there in the rain with an umbrella, looking stunning as ever with the colors of the led signs illuminating on her face. She looked astounded at you, you also could not believe that she stood right there. The both of you get lost in a trance. The more time went time the more you struggle to be back. What you just had lived through left you in a messy state so you absolutely did not know what to feel. You got your memory wiped after each failed attempt to find your soulmate and you were fine for the first 22 years. But Tuuli switched it up after the last try hit a century of failed attempts. Since your clock was ticking more and more, she unlocked all of your memories, thousands of different lives you've lived were all in your head, it drove you insane, you felt extremely depersonalized. It all went downhill from there though, it was another 9 years until you stopped Tuuli and told her you were done searching. You craved your found family back from earth 4-1-1, you two fought about it for a while since didn't want to lose you but you made peace with the fact that if you didn't find your soulmate you'd be dying soon. You would rather spend the last given time with your family than waste time searching for something that might not want to be found.

"Y/N." Your name fell from her lips, it sent a wave of shivers down your back along with a heavy ache in your heart. It was the ache of missing and craving her. "Please come back home." You nodded eagerly. "Gladly." With that the tiny Avenger rushed over to you, hugging you as if you were gone for years. You put your arms around her too. Both of you clung to each other like koala bears. While taking in the comfort she gave you, tears started to pool in your eyes since all the joy and love you felt right then overwhelmed you heavily. "Any chance that you have superpowers that could beam us home? I don't wanna let you go just yet." Natasha's hugged you even tighter than before, it warmed your heart to see her like with you. A part of you broke though since all she thought of you was a close friend. You were grateful to have her and Yelena back, but it hurt to know that you would never get your happy ending with her. For the rest of your time you needed to accept that it's better this way than not having them in your life at all. 

The second Yelena saw you standing in the door frame at her parents house, she started sobbing uncontrollably. You went over to her, putting your arms around her tightly so she knew you were real, at that point she broke down. Seeing her react like this only made it harder for the talk about you dying soon. There was not a single thought in your mind where you'd hide that information from her. You just hoped Natasha would be there to catch Yelena once it was time for you to go forever. "I'm never letting you go. I swear I won't even leave you to pee alone." The blonde girl told you after it seemed like she calmed down after her breakdown. "I wouldn't have it any other way." You told her truthfully. "I missed you like hell darling." 

Melina and Alexei observed your reunion from the kitchen. They were glad you were back, it tore them apart seeing both daughters so devastated when you vanished. The siblings went unholy lengths to find you. It became unhealthy for everyone. "Yel, we need to talk about something important." You hated telling her the heartbreaking news but it was better doing it now than later when you wouldn't have the energy for it anymore. Both of you went into a more hidden library Melina had made, Yelena never let you go though, she held onto your hand like a little kid being afraid of getting lost.

Sadness filled your heart. It ached for you, for Yelena and for the rest of your chosen family. You took a deep breath before telling her that you're dying with teary eyes. 

"No!" She yelled at you, shaking her head in disbelieve and denial. "No, you're lying." You met her with silence before softly asking her, "When did I ever lie to you Yel?" The realization hit her hard, you had never lied to her. She fell to her knees, so much pain and anger were consuming her. Tears started streaming down her face as it was a waterfall and from time to time heartbreaking sounds escaped her mouth. The sight of your sister (in law) broke you in ways you didn't know it could. You sat down behind her body and held her close to you. "I hate myself for doing this to you Yelena. You don't deserve to be hurt by me like this." 

Though she still felt huge pain in her chest, she started to relax in your embrace. "I can't be there when you're going to tell Natasha. It'll hurt too much." Your quietness set off a couple red lights in her head. She was extremely shocked to see guilt on your face. "You don't even wanna tell her?" You shook your head. "Are you out of your mind? She deserves to know Y/N. For god's sake she was your wife and went beyond anything I've seen to get you back for the past 3 weeks. It's fucking cruel not wanting to tell her."

Of course the one person who shouldn't have been there came into the library. She got worried about the quietness after all the yelling she had heard. "What's cruel? And not telling who what?" When she saw her little sisters tears, she immediately sat in front of you both with a worried expression on her face. "What happened?" The youngest looked at Natasha first, then to you a for moment before turning her attention back on the women sitting on front of her. The look she gave you meant she was about to spill your secret. "Don't you dare Yelena!" But she didn't listen to you, being in this situation was hell for the blonde. Either way she would have betrayed both of her sisters. "Y/N doesn't want you to know that she's dying."

Natasha didn't expect anything like this. For a second she thought she heard wrong but the guilt and helplessness on your face told her she heard right. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish, a minute later she could finally stutter out a quiet 'what'. "I- I don't understand."

"I'm coming from an ancient planet called 'sielujen planeetta' which is translated to 'Planet of Souls'. We are born with the purpose of finding our one and only. You humans would call it soulmates but for us it's so much more. The structure is almost exactly like a normal soulmate but once we find them there has to be a period of time we can not separate, like not breaking up or divorcing. One and onlys have to stay together while going through a tough time that the universe puts in their way as a test." You started to explain. "Once you completed it with grace, a new more deep bond starts to form between the two souls and that bond gives energy to my planet so that it can survive and create the most beautiful things. If we do not contribute to that, the planet sucks the energy out of us and we die."

"And instead of continuing looking for your soulmate to actually survive you are back here dying at our hands." Yelena was furious with you. She hated you for coming back just to die soon anyways. You smiled sadly at her. "Lena, it was only 21 days for you but for me 30 years have gone by. 30 years of looking for my one and only, 30 years of falling in love and breaking up, 30 years of sadness and heartbreak, 30 years without you. I was sick of the ache in my heart. All I wanted was being back with you guys, my chosen family." You held onto Yelena like she might disappear in front of you. You also extended your hand for Natasha to hold, she gladly took it. "I came back here because I'd rather spend the time I have left with you all than waste time and might die alone in another universe." 

"How long do you have left?" It was Natasha who spoke up since she noticed Yelena's questioned were all written on her face but she also knew her sibling had gone into a non-verbal state. "More or less than a month." You three sat there for a long time without saying anything. Melina and Alexei knew it had to be something heavy you told their daughters so they brought blankets and air mattresses for you to sleep and sit on. And that was what you did, all cuddled up in blankets with Yelena and Natasha on each side. The heaviness of your reality still hung in the air, it was a dark day for everyone. 

Tags: @iamthescarlettwitch , @dark-hunter16 , @marvel-fan-2021 , @myfturn , @natsxwife , @wandanats-goodgirl , @supaheroine , @00alycia , @xxsekhmet , @franfrolix , @lonewalker17 , @newawakening9 , @marvelwomen-simp , @automaticwizardnerd , @wifeofnatasharomanoff , @tigerlillyruiz , @lifeontop , @blackwidow-3

[cod-dump]

Can we get a sequel to your ‘Selfish’ pricegravesnik? I just really want to see how that goes over

Part two has been sitting for awhile collecting dust due to ✨life✨ distracting me (I started working on part two after I posted the first part, lol). This is split up into multiple chapters on AO3 which is why it was posted on there first

___

Selfish

Part 2

PriceGravesNik

___

Graves first noticed how clear his lungs felt, the loudness of machines around him, then voices on the other side of those machines. Then he noticed the brightness of the room, it made him wince and squeeze his eyes tight to block out the light. After a moment, he cracked his eyes open. It takes a lot of blinking until his eyes adjust but he finally looks around the room. He recognized as one of the rooms in the medical wing. Graves swallowed and became very aware that there was something down his throat and he felt himself start to panic.

"дорогой!"

Graves looks over and sees Nik running from the door. He's kneeling by the bed, one hand running through Graves' hair while the other grabs his hand. Graves could see his eyes full of relief.

"Easy, дорогой. The tube is putting air into your lungs. Oh, зайчик... We were so worried."

Graves slowly calms as Nik holds up his hand and presses several kisses to it. Graves squeezed as hard as he could (which wasn't very hard) as Nik smiled against his hand, holding it against his cheek. Graves looks past Nik to the door and Nik notices. He looks behind him before looking to Graves.

"John was talking to the doctor. Wanted to make sure everything was alright. I'll go get him, okay?"

Graves didn't have much strength to do much but nod. Nik kisses his hand again before he lets it drop to the bed. He leaves and Graves just stares after him, mind fuzzy. He didn't want to think about what lead him to getting in here. He really didn't. Graves knew the moment he started to think about it, the moment he relived what happened, he would start to panic again. And he didn't want to panic with a tube down his throat. So he just closes his eyes and thinks about Nik. Thinks about how delighted he was to see him, how warm his kisses were and how Graves ached for more.

"Love!"

Graves opens his eyes and Price is there. The man doesn't hesitate to lean over and press kisses to the parts of his face that wasn't covered by the ventilation mask. Price swallows hard as he rests his forehead against his.

"God, when they brought you in- Fuck... I was so scared."

"We both were," Nik said from the other side of the bed.

Graves' heart was aching, tears welling up in his eyes. Price pulls away, stroking Graves' face so lightly. It was as if he was afraid Graves would break. Price stands when someone walks in, Graves assumed it was the doctor because of the white coat. Price turns to address the doctor, Graves turning to look at Nik who was sitting on the side of the bed. The doctor steps towards the bed and Graves turns to look at him.

"Alright, Phillip. Let's have a look at you."

_

After a thorough checkup and another night in medical, the doctor allowed Graves to leave and sleep in his own bed... with heavy work restrictions and an inhaler that he had to take a puff of every couple of hours until his lungs recovered. Graves had walked outside of medical and headed straight for his room. Not Nik and Price's room, his. He hadn't slept there since he started dating Nik and Price and the room was pretty much only used to store his things.

But he wanted to be alone. Just for a moment at least. He knew that it wouldn't take long until one or both of his boyfriends sought him out after learning he was released from medical earlier than what they were originally told.

Graves refused to look at anyone, making sure to make his way to his room as fast as possible without pushing himself. He could feel eyes on him as he walked through the halls. Graves reached the barracks and froze when he saw Soap and Gaz talking near his room. He swallows and ducks behind a corner, taking a moment to breathe. He didn't want to deal with them, Graves was sure he wouldn't be able to mentally handle it. Graves leans against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut.

I should just go back to Nik and John's room...

They were going to find him there and undoubtedly attempt to question him about what happened. Graves couldn't tell them what happened, what was going through his mind as he tried to run. It would just stir up more trouble for him and everyone already hated his guts. He couldn't do it...

Graves takes a breath, steeling himself before he turns the corner and starts walking. He focused only on the door to his room, ignoring Soap and Gaz. He did everything he could to block them out and pretend that they weren't there. Graves managed to get to his door and pulled out his keys, focused on getting into the room and sealing himself inside. He found himself shaking as he fumbled through the keys, having difficulty finding the one to the room.

"Graves?"

Fuck.

Graves doesn't look over at them, just focuses on putting the key in the lock.

"Fucking- Graves!"

"Leave him alone, Soap."

Graves could see Soap walking over in the corner of his eye and he panics. He manages to open the door and darts inside, slamming it shut behind him and locking it. Graves backs away from the door, hearing the two on the other side but he couldn't understand what they were saying. Graves lets out a shaky breath and sits on the bed. The mattress was new when he had joined but he didn't use it much before he started seeking out Nik and Price's company. The mattress was firm, the sheets and a dusty smell to them, too.

But Graves didn't care about that at the moment. Graves lays down, wondering how long it'll take for Nik and Price to find him. He knew they were going to want to talk about what happened when they found him and he was trying to delay that as long as possible. He doesn't want to hear them say it, doesn't want what he already knows to be put out there. That they wouldn't hesitate to throw him out if it meant to keep the peace with the others.

Graves was never someone's first choice, ever. He's always been second rate no matter where he went or what he did. He had stopped trying to be first place and started to put himself first. Stabbing others in the back, cutting corners, doing everything he could to get himself at the top and get what he wanted. Shadow Company was born from cheating, betrayal, and pure selfishness. It represented everything Graves was. Everything that he will ever be.

Someone knocked on the door but Graves ignored it, not bothering to move. More knocking, someone talking through the door but Graves wasn't listening. He just laid on the bed, staring at the window. He couldn't help but think how beautiful the rays of sunlight were coming through the curtains, dust floating through them with grace similar to snowflakes. The person on the other side spoke louder but Graves was now actively trying to block them out. He grabbed the pillow his head was resting on and folded over his head, still staring at the window.

Then he heard the jingle of keys and Graves felt his heart beat faster. Only a couple people on base have keys to the doors on hand, and he was praying that the one he was thinking of wasn't the one opening his door. The door opened and the voices from outside became much clearer and the pillow no longer was an adequate buffer.

"Graves? Shit-"

"Let's just go get Price! Leave him alone!"

Graves wanted to scream, feeling himself start to shake. They wouldn't leave him alone, they wouldn't be satisfied until he was gone for good. Nothing will be good enough for them. Nothing that Graves will ever do will make things right. He's broken, he hasn't tried to fight back against them since he was taken into 141. He let them push him around, kept quiet like Soap wanted and didn't cause any problems.

"I like you better when you keep your mouth shut."

But... even doing everything they wanted, it still wasn't good enough. Nothing he will ever do will be good enough. He's made his bed, now he has to lay in it.

Graves flinched hard when the door closed, he was too scared to look behind him. He laid there, no longer to find beauty in the sunlight or the dust dancing in it, so he squeezed his eyes shut. He felt his breathing pick up, tears pricking at his eyes. He wanted this to be over with but he was too much of a damn coward to do anything. He won't do anything and just let himself be thrown around until he drops dead.

The door opened and Graves prepared for the worst. Something to happen, someone to grab him and drag him away. Something bad needed to happen because nothing else made sense.

"Phil?"

No-

"Love?"

No-

Graves was unable to stop the sob that escaped his lips. The door closed behind him and Nik got in bed behind him, a gentle hand touching his back. He flinched upon contact and the hand jerked away. There was a moment where nothing happened, a moment of stillness. Then Nik gently pried the pillow away from his head, and with his only buffer gone Graves felt exposed.

"дорогой, can I hold you?"

Graves said nothing because he knew that 'yes' would be the only thing to come out of his mouth. Nik lightly touched his shoulder and Graves restrained himself from rolling over and burying himself into the man's arms. Nik muttered something in Russian, it sounded so sweet and full of worry, making Graves' heart ache.

Will he be so sweet when the truth comes out?

"Милый?"

Graves closes his eyes, unable to ignore Nik any longer. He turns and buries himself against the man who immediately wrapped his arms around him. Graves felt Nik press a kiss to the top of his head, muttering something as he held him. Graves felt himself start to cry, knowing it would all be over. He didn't want it to be over, he didn't want to lose Nik and Price. Two men who looked at him for him and believed in him. But they're loyal to their own and Graves wasn't among those people. He was exactly what Laswell said he was: A temporary fling.

"Я люблю тебя."

Graves cried harder, Nik holding him like he was afraid he would disappear if he let go. Graves’ fingers were curled into Nik's shirt, desperate to keep the man next to him. The truth was going to come out sooner or later, he might as well enjoy any affection he can get before things go sour.

Graves wasn’t sure how long he cried, he just knows he cried until he had no more tears to shed. And by that point, when his tears ran dry, he found himself exhausted by it all. Graves pressed against Nik’s chest, wishing Price was there with them.

”I’m here, love. I’m not going anywhere…”

Yet.

Graves sighs, taking in the warmth of Nik’s arms and his smell before he drifted off to sleep.

_

Graves expected to wake up alone. But he wasn't, instead he was still being cradled against Nik's chest... with a body pressed against his back. Graves had never been fond of being in the middle during cuddling, something about it made him feel trapped. Nik and Price never pushed him to be stuck between them longer than what he could bear. But right now, it was welcomed.

He felt an arm on his waist, slow shallow breaths. They both were asleep or deeply relaxed. Graves could see that the room was lit by sunlight from the window meaning he hadn't been sleeping for that long. He didn't want to move, afraid everything would end right there the moment he did. So he just stayed there, waiting. He tensed when he felt Price shift behind him, feeling the man kiss the back of his head. It made his heart ache how sweet he and Nik could be.

It clashed against their terrifying personas they displayed when working.

Graves heard Nik mutter something, feel his voice rumble in his chest, "I'm worried about him."

"So am I, love."

Graves could hear their concern and he felt undeserving of it. He had avoided talking to them for too long and he knew he wasn't going to be leaving this room before they got the answers to their unspoken questions. But he was so scared of what was going to happen to him if he told them anything. Everyone here hated him and he imagined it wouldn't take much for them to finally see that standing beside him was nothing but foolish.

"Phil?"

Graves winces, he was thinking too loudly. He was never good at hiding when he was thinking about something. Graves feels Price shift behind him again, probably sitting up. Graves then felt Nik shift in front of him but he didn't make a move to get up.

"Love, can you sit up?"

Graves takes in a shaky breath before he sits up, propping himself against the headboard. Price turns to where he was facing him, trying to meet Graves' eyes but he couldn't look at him. He wouldn't be able to talk if he met either of their gazes. They sat there, no one saying anything at first. The silence became a bit too much for Graves so he went to say something but nothing came out. He closed his mouth, sighing. He needed to speak even though no one had even asked him to.

"I'm sorry..."

"Sorry? For what?"

"I know things haven't been good since I came here."

Graves feels Nik's shoulder brush his and he finally noticed how small the bed was for three grown men.

"Things have been good, Phil."

Graves shakes his head, "No, they haven't."

He's always put on a smile for them. Always acted like nothing was wrong, that he hasn't been miserable. That he hasn't been enduring the torture from those he's hurt hoping that it would make things right. Torture seems to be too much, not the right word. But that's what it's felt like for him. Torture.

"What's been going on?"

Graves keeps quiet, fear slowly clawing its way through him.

"Phil? Please, tell us what's been happening."

He couldn't imagine how this wouldn't end poorly for him. Maybe Nik would hold on for a moment but he couldn't imagine Price turning on them for Graves. They were his boys and Price would do anything for one of his boys. Graves jerks when Price takes one of his hands, Graves finally turning to look at him. Price looked so worried, desperate to fix whatever was wrong. But Graves wasn't sure if he could fix this without any issues. If he even would try.

"We can't help if you don't tell us what's wrong, Милый. We want to make things better."

"Would probably just make things worse," Graves muttered, mostly to himself and instantly regretting everything he's said.

Graves knew the likelihood of getting out of this room without telling them anything was nonexistent. That getting out here unscathed wasn't an option. Graves felt Price take his hand and squeeze so gently, a thumb rubbing over the back of his hand.

“Love… what has been going on?”

Graves shakes his head, "Nothing! Pretend I didn't say anything."

"Phil-"

Graves jerks his hands from Price, tucking his hands into his lap. He attempted to make himself as small as possible, curling in on himself until his shoulders didn't touch Nik or Price. He's said too much and he knows he won't be able to leave until he talked. He's already said enough to make them curious, make them worry. Graves should've kept his mouth shut and played everything off as him just having a bad couple of days.

"дорогой... Please..."

Graves tears up, "I don't want to cause any issues..."

Neither of his boyfriends say anything and Graves lets out a shaky breath. He crawls to the foot of the bed and sits there, trying to figure out what to say first. Their silence was of course accompanied by patience. Patience that Graves didn't deserve.

"Your men haven't been... as forgiving as you."

Price moves, "What?"

Graves has seen Price come to the defense of his boys with the drop of a dime. He's always defended them and Graves had scarcely seen any scolding or disciplinary actions made. Nik has put Soap and Ghost in their place before, but that was long ago and the situation was tense for everyone.

"Is this about Soap? Or Ghost? I've talked to them about their behavior."

"Did you? I never noticed..."

Graves winces at his own words and feels his heart pick up speed in anticipation of Price's response. Nik was quiet, too quiet.

"Why didn't you tell me about the issues you've been having with them?"

"I've seen you bend over backwards to keep them happy. Felt like it would just stir up shit."

There was more silence and Graves hated it, it was too much. So much louder than any words. He would have preferred Price openly discussed how this relationship- This arrangement- has run its course. Nik was still quiet and Price had joined him in that silence, so Graves decided to keep talking. He was already in a hole so why not keep digging.

"I know I'm just entertainment. Everyone else says I am..."

"That's not true."

If Graves didn't know the man by this point, he wouldn't have known that it was Nik who had spoken. His voice was so small, so weak. It was like he forgot what he was supposed to sound like but still forced himself to speak.

"I heard what Laswell said."

Pieces snapped together for them, "You heard that-?"

"I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. Was just in the wrong place at the wrong time... She knows what she's talking about. She's always been the voice of reason."

"Phil, that- What she said wasn't true."

Graves felt fingers brush his back and he jerked away without thinking. He didn't mean to but he wasn't expecting any kind gestures at the moment. Graves could feel his heart aching because he could imagine the hurt expressions on their faces… He could also so clearly see anger at what he was saying. So Graves closed his eyes when he felt Price get off the bed, squeezing them shut. He’s always been a coward, unable to face the consequences of his actions.

He could tell the man was in front of him but he refused to open his eyes. Graves flinched when he felt fingers graze his hands. They jerked away for a second before they came back, easing their way around Graves' hands. Graves let his hands be held, still keeping his eyes screwed shut. His hands were moved away from his lap and Graves felt whiskers on his skin before warm lips. He swallows, letting out broken breaths before he opens his eyes.

Price was kneeling on the floor, holding his hands so close to him. After another kiss Price looks up at Graves with such a sincere and loving look in his eyes. There was a pain there, an ache that Graves felt responsible for. Graves feels Nik move closer to him, reaching out to touch him again. This time Graves didn't jerk away and let Nik move close to him, pressing against him back and kissing his shoulder.

"Phil, tell us what's been happening. And please, don't leave out any details."

Graves broke and the tenderness in his boyfriend's voice. So, he started to cry. And he told them before everything that had been happening since he had officially joined 141 ranks. Things were admittedly not bad, not until Graves had grown closer to Nik and Price. He remembered everything went to shit after Ghost saw Graves leaving their bedroom, wearing one of Price's shirts. Since that moment, it felt like it became Soap and Ghost's mission to make his life hell.

They told him nothing he could possibly do would fix what he had done, that no amount of dick sucking and brown nosing would make them ever trust him. Graves didn't want to go into detail about what had been going on but once he started talking, he found himself unable to stop. Price kept a neutral expression as Graves cried, Nik held Graves the entire time. Finally, Graves stops talking and just leans back into Nik's hold.

Nik pressed a kiss to Graves' head as Price stood. While his face didn't display any particular emotion, his eyes were angry. He took a moment to compose himself before he leaned down and kissed Graves. He would then lean over and kiss Nik, muttering something to him that Graves couldn't understand, before he left the room. Fear made Graves shake and he was afraid of what was about to happen.

"We should've noticed, зайчик."

Graves turns his body and rests against Nik, staring at the door. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, like he could breathe clearly. But he also felt regret, guilt, like he was once more betraying Soap and Ghost. Those thoughts washed away with Nik pressing a series of kisses to his face.

"Let John deal with them."

So, Graves rested against Nik. And he let Price deal with them.

_

The silence after Price left made him anxious. An hour after Price left, Nik took Graves to their bedroom to run him a bath in their private bathroom. While Graves soaked, Nik ran to grab him food and whatever else the man could possibly want. He half expected Nik to come back with news about what was happening with Price. But he had nothing to say on the matter and just gave Graves his requested bowl of hot stew and fizzy drink.

After his bath Graves would lay in bed with Nik, Nik giving him full control of the TV. Though Graves spent a good half hour just clicking through movies and shows, not settling on anything to watch, he appreciated the sentiment of Nik giving up control of the TV. He had previously joked that Nik was a tyrant when it came to what they watched because the man never agreed with anything Price or Graves picked. But here he was, not saying a word as Graves just surfed through the channels before just settling on some low rated rom-com.

Price would walk in much, much later. Graves was dozing by that point, not even watching the show while Nik was fully invested into it. They both gave their attention to Price when he walked in, face flushed. He had been yelling, Graves could tell. Price took a deep breath when he had closed the door behind him like he was trying to chase off any remaining anger in him before he crawled into bed with them.

Price had crawled between Graves and Nik, facing Graves and pulling the man into his arms. Graves accepted this, relaxing against Price. He was curious, partially afraid, and deep down he wanted to know if Price had given them hell. Price had a temper that, if let loose, could burn a city down. He had seen it before, had a taste of it. Graves wanted to know if the boys had faced it, if it had burned them.

But he didn't say anything, didn't ask. He just rested against Price, melting against him as the man rubbed his back slowly. Then his hands went lower before Price rolled them over, sticking Graves between him and Nik. Nik immediately turned off the TV and turned all his attention onto Graves. It didn't take long for Graves to become breathless, flushed with want, and completely content with being stuck between Price and Nik.

_

It was a long evening with Nik and Price, neither giving him a moment to think about anything. He could feel their burning kisses and everything they did lingered on his skin. They managed to make him forget about everything, at least for a moment. Graves was nestled between them, completely in bliss and satisfaction.

Then Price got a phone call and the moment ended.

By how fast Price got dressed and left, Graves knew it was Laswell. He couldn't think of anyone else that could spur that kind of reaction out of Price. Graves felt anxious as Price left, Nik also getting out of bed. Graves just stared at Nik, wondering if the man was going to leave as well.

Nik noticed him staring and smiled, "Just going to clean up, love."

Graves relaxed, slumping back down in the bed. As promised, Nik just went to the bathroom for a moment before he returned. Graves watches Nik grab clean clothes, taking his time dressing.

”Heading somewhere?”

”Grabbing some food. Care to join me? Be good to stretch your legs.”

Graves wanted to say ‘no’ and curl up further in the covers, but he didn't and instead decided to join Nik. Graves took his time cleaning up, anxiety rattling him with the thought about leaving the room. He managed to ignore it enough to put clothes on and leave the room, sticking close with Nik as he could manage without actually touching him. They made it to the lounge without running into anyone and Graves sighed in relief.

Nik went through the lounge to the kitchen while Graves chose to sit. His mind was racing, he felt exposed. Any officer could walk into the lounge, anyone could be coming through. Choosing to remain in the lounge instead of following Nik into the kitchen was a conscious decision. He could leave quicker, it would be harder to block him in. Though he didn't doubt Nik would come to his defense if something was to go wrong, he could only think about if he would be able to come quick enough.

Paranoid bastard.

"дорогой, do you want anything?"

Graves nearly jumped out of his skin at Nik calling from the kitchen. He took a moment to breathe before he called 'no' back to the man. He was almost afraid to raise his voice, afraid to attract any attention to the lounge. The last thing he needed was someone to come in and- well, do anything really. He didn't want anyone to look at him, couldn't stand the thought of their eyes on them. Pity, loathing, annoyance— Any such thing would be too much.

Nik comes back from the kitchen and sits down beside Graves. Graves notices the tower of a sandwich in his possession and snorts.

"Have enough for an army there!"

"Enough to share~"

"No thank you, there's no telling what you put in that monstrosity."

Nik rolls his eyes before makes himself comfortable. Graves felt his heart leap, finding nothing but adoration for the man beside him. Then his mind naturally turned to Price and it sunk once more. The call that made him leave so quickly—

Graves jerks his head back as a fucking pickle is shoved in his face.

"Nikolai-!"

"You need to eat something!"

"I'm not eating a bread and butter pickle you psycho!"

Nik was good at getting his mind off of things. Graves knew he was purposely annoying him, purposely making it impossible for him to think about anything other than him. It was something that Graves loved about him.

“Nothing wrong with them! You and John are just weird!”

”Oh? We’re the weird ones? Sorry, babe, but you’re the weird one in this relationship.”

Nik feigns a hurt expression and Graves couldn’t help but smile. God, he loved this man.

Nik ate his food, Graves closing his eyes and enjoying his presence. But the relative silence allowed for his thoughts to brew once more. He frowns, heart aching as he thought about Price. Graves open his eyes, staring at Nik for a moment before he finally said something.

”Do you think John crossed a line with his boys? Or if Laswell is punishing him somehow…”

”Hey, none of that. John is fine. He can handle whatever is thrown at him. The boys got what they deserved and Kate is just going to understand. I doubt she knew what all was going on.”

”Right… because she definitely doesn’t have eyes and ears everywhere.”

Nik sighs, “Phil, she has eyes and ears everywhere on the job. Out in the field, not here. She knows what we tell her and I doubt she���s been given the full story.”

Graves hums. Nik was right, of course he was. He’s smart and he definitely knows Laswell better than Graves. Price was fine… everything was fine…

”What if-“

”Phil I will shove this pickle in your mouth.”

Graves couldn’t help but laugh, Nik looking at him with his softest, most loving glare he has at his disposal. Graves took Nik’s threat to heart and silenced himself. He’ll at least wait until the man has finished all his food before saying something else. He could imagine a few ways Nik would do to hut him up, running into the kitchen to grab another pickle included.

Graves felt a light vibration in the couch which was most likely Nik’s phone. Graves had long abandoned his phone elsewhere (probably now in Nik and Price’s rom somewhere). Nik takes out his phone to check it, poking around until his face gave a subtle hint of relief. He’s a good actor so whatever it was was truly comforting.

”The boys will be getting a talking to… something about teamwork and harassment.”

Graves felt his heart skip a beat, “John is-?”

”And Kate. I told you she would understand.”

Graves let’s out a short, surprised laugh. He slumps against the couch, feeling a weight being lifted. There was of course anxiety about how the boys would react, how they would treat him going forward… but Graves felt at ease, he felt secure where he was.

And that felt amazing.

[gay-dorito-dust]

I have a Yakuza 0 request. Can I please have headcanons about what words and actions would melt Majima’s heart? It can be if someone is in a relationship with him already or not.

This man is guarded as shit, even more so after the events of y0 but since we’re focusing on y0! Majima, he’s sure as shit not letting anyone pass those towering walls of his.

However you somehow managed to slip through the missable cracks in his defences and made your cosy little home in his heart and now he’s stuck with you.

Anyways, on to what would make this man melt like butter:

Genuine tender touches: Majima had rarely -if ever- been given the opportunity to be treated as though he were a fragile porcelain doll on the brink of breaking from it’s fissures, fractures and other cracks.

At first he’d be adverse in letting you touch him but overtime or perhaps by pure accident, Majima would find himself falling apart in your tender touches as the pads of your thumbs would map out his face, feather light caresses kissing his skin that the mad dog of shimano couldn’t help but allow himself to be completely at your mercy.

In that moment you had all the power to destroy him but you chose to nurture, to love, to care for him instead despite knowing all the atrocities he’s committed as a Yakuza. Yet none of that didn’t matter to you as you picked up all pieces and put him back together again.

It was the first time in a very long time that Majima allowed himself to be put into the care of somebody else, uncaring if by the end of it he’ll end up with a knife in his back, for it all would’ve been worth it to know what being cared about felt like.

‘You can stop pretending Majima, shows over, it’s time to take off the mask.”

This would probably occur at the end of Y0 where he goes full mad dog. Which I’ve seen a video once saying that it’s an act Majima puts up as an illusion of sorts from the severely damaged man that laid beneath the violent, borderline psychopathic facade.

So when you say this to him one day, he’s reminded that you could see through his bullshit, see through the illusion and lies he lead himself to blindingly believe, despite knowing himself how full shit they were. So to have someone who wasn’t so easily scared off by his facade made Majima feel relived that he didn’t have to constantly put himself into near exhaustion by masking the truest version of himself.

The wicked grin would fall and his crazed eye would become tired, worn and haunted. His entire posture would slump pathetically as he allowed himself into your awaiting arms, practically half dead from the sleep he’s missed by insomnia and night terrors.

You bring the peace and silence he’s been so desperately yearning for:

You bring calm to his tormented mind and it’s the oasis he so desperately needed; Sure it may not heal all his wounds but he’s take whatever he could get.

So whenever Majima felt his most restless he’d surly find you nearby offering to join him in his late night smoke. (depending on if you do/ do not smoke. If you don’t -like me- your just keeping him company.)

He’d often tell you that your sleep didn’t have to suffer because his was but you discarded his concern by saying you’d rather be of help to him even if it meant derailing your own sleep pattern to do so.

What he doesn’t tell you is that your mere presence silenced his thoughts and cleared his mind without even having to try. You were the one to ward off the demons from his head. Protecting him from the worst of memories and you didn’t even know you were doing it.

When you’ve solidified yourself as his safe place, his home.

Whenever he told anyone that he was ‘heading home’ what he actually meant was that he was heading back to you and the place you two shared. The building didn’t mean shit to him but you being within it certainly did.

The life and colour you brought with you never failed to remind Majima that despite how use to it he was by now, he was still brought back to the very first time he felt that warm and cosy feeling within his chest.

Back then he would’ve approached it with caution but soon enough he’s grown to accept that this was something he only felt with you. Majima was so use to bland walls void of personality and shelves bare of any trinkets or memorabilia of the past. The places he use to occupy looked and felt as though no one lived there, despite evidence of old cigarette buds and the faint scent of his cologne.

Now, his house became a home the moment you stepped through the threshold and decorated it with your personality and trinkets that litter every shelf and even the window sills because there was so much of you to give out.

Majima realised that you became his home when he didn’t feel the need to hide his hideous side from you, or even hide the issues he faced within his head on a regular basis.

Majima realised that you became his safe place when after telling you his entire past and you didn’t shrink away from him or looked at him differently then you did to begin with, understanding and open minded in hearing him out to the story’s conclusion.

Your hand remaining in his own the entire time. Unflinching in your silent conviction to staying with a man as broken as him.

[that-ineffable-devil]

I don't know what it is about Neil Gaiman's stories and characters that bring up so many visceral emotions and realizations but Dead Boy Detectives has gripped me in it's skeletal claws.

I'll admit I haven't read the comics--one more thing on my neverending tbr pile--so I came into this show without any preconceptions or foreknowledge of the characters or their histories. And I didn't do any research on the show beforehand a) to avoid spoilers and b) it's Neil Fucking Gaiman what am I gonna do NOT watch!?

Basically, I had no idea what to expect from it. Except that it'd be queer (praise be).

And I gotta tell you, Charles is getting to me. In ways and at depths I never could have expected. And, fuck, it's making me confront some things I didn't realize were affecting me...and some that maybe I did...

Like the anger. Gods, the deep-rooted anger at the injustice and cruelty of the world and the hands you're dealt. The fury of feeling helpless and alone and terrified during the worst experiences of your life. And the self-loathing you feel as you bury that rage for fear of becoming the very monsters that tormented you--unable to express it in even a healthy manner because you can only associate anger with violence. So you bottle it and bury it and hope against hope you can keep it down, but you fear the day you run out of burial ground.

Like the compulsion to act like everything's fine. To mask any negative emotions with a smile and a kind word or a laugh. To never be the reason someone else is in pain. To try so hard to undo the pain done by others. To be the person you needed most who was never there. Maybe you're trying to convince yourself that you're not a monster. Living in constant fear that you really are that monster, and all your goodness and light is a smokescreen to trick truly good people into allowing you to walk amongst them--and that one very bad day they'll all see the truth and your worst fears will be confirmed in their eyes.

Like the almost desperate need to cling to anything or anyone good that comes into your life, because it has happened so rarely and so fleetingly. The fear of taking certain risks with those things and people because any change can be the one that results in losing them. Yet constantly taking risks with yourself and your life (death?), likely boiling down to "If I go first, I don't have to lose them." Because, deep down, you think they could never miss you as much as you'd miss them.

And even specific moments...

Like using the word "rough" to describe abuse, because how else do you reference decades...or in his case, likely at least a decade...of trauma and abuse without upsetting someone? Without letting them know it's still affecting you?

Like equal parts fear and fury welling inside you as you watch something truly horrific happen. Memories wrapping your senses so tightly as that man brutalized his family for no reason. Being both unable to stop it and unable to look away. Desperate to do something about it but completely helpless. Again.

And reliving his trauma, forced to by someone else? Feeling that pain and misery all over again. The heartbreak as friends choose to hurt you for reasons you don't understand. The anguish as your brain tries to protect itself while a parent who's supposed to love you makes you wonder why you exist at all. The terror of being hunted. Not knowing why. Not knowing what you've done to deserve it. Wondering if somehow you do.

And confessing his fear that he's a "bad guy." Wondering if you're really the villain in your story. Fearing that the reason people treated you so cruelly is because they saw the monster within, and thought they could keep it contained and afraid. Fearing that you won't be able to.

And not every day is like this. Not every day has you feeling like you're at the edge of a precipice. Some days are quite good actually, especially if you have even one good person around. But any day could turn out like this.

But you keep on with the smiles and the positive attitude because the monsters can't win. Your monster can't win. And frankly, you don't know how else to deal with it, because no one ever taught you how to. Or maybe you never had the chance to learn. All you know is that it's all you know.

[nannyan]

I want more of Dave and Legacy Jack.

Hear me out

Their dynamic would basically be Henry and Dave's (obviously the psychological abuse part not really the experiments one) but honestly kinda worse in some ways.

I imagine deep down in his subconsciousness Dave knows that at least some of the stuff that Henry did to him were wrong and/or undeserved. But he doesn't allow himself to think about that or in that way. 'Cause he still idolizes Henry so much because (in Dave's eyes) Henry did so much good for him.

And Legacy Jack acts quite similar to Henry in the way he talks to and puts down Dave in the moments we see him in that state. A.k.a (from what I remember) at the end of "An Ending" (the evil ending) in DSaF 2, several times in DSaF 3 and of course the Evil ending. I've seen people interpreting Legacy Jack as basically being possessed by Henry. But I don't really see it that way. More so Henry influencing Jack and this influence getting stronger and stronger as time goes on.

And we see Dave/Davetrap acknowledge the change in Jack a few times. But that doesn't really deter him. Because that's his Old Sport! He is so obsessed and in love with him that by the time of DSaF 2's end Dave would go and do whatever with Jack no matter how he gets treated. I mean we literally see this in the Evil route in DSaF 3. I very much believe that this route is a continuation from "An Ending" in DSaF 2.

Dave starts seeing more and more of Henry's behavior in Jack. That starts "opening old scars" and making him think more and more about all those past times. Something bugs him about that though. He feels like he's reliving bad memories. Things he doesn't want to remember. Although they're all of Henry and shouldn't those be good?

And he doesn't really feel okay about the way Jack treats him. But he can't leave him. He can't go trough the same pain he experienced when Henry was taken from him. He's not strong enough to do that. Not again. So of course he'll stay by his Sportsy's side. No matter what Jack does to him.

(Okay I'll stop this got very fanfiction-y haha)

I read two fics of their dynamic a bit ago and omg now I need more.

More of Dave's one sided crush and obsession and Legacy Jack's definite hate (probably some sort of psychological and verbal abuse idk) of Dave.

(Don't take any of this in a weird way please.. I swear I am normal and I also adore fluffy and cute Davesport too. But what can I say I just need to see my favorite characters suffer 😌)

[callalillywrites]

His Dream Come True

Well, Jake and I agreed that my first version of this story sucked so much. This one is much better though I'm certain it's not quite perfect. I'm going to post it anyway.

This story is a direct follow up to this story.

Based on this song:

Pairing: Jake Jensen/Reader

Word Count: ~3900

Summary: Jake thought he lost his chance with his childhood best friend and love of his life when you get engaged to someone else. Maybe fate has something else planned for the two of you when he comes back into your life in time for your engagement party.

Warnings: none really, some angst to start but fluff at the end

A/N: It's proofread but all mistakes are my own.

I do not give permission for my work to be copied or posted on other sites or fed into an AI machine.

*****

The fancy envelope rested heavily in Jake’s hands.

He didn’t need to open it to know what it contained.

You’d found someone else.

He’d known that would happen eventually, and he couldn’t even blame you. It wasn’t your fault he’d always been too much a chickenshit to tell you how you felt.

That doesn’t stop him from begging Clay to let him leave their latest mission early.

He needed to see you. Even if it was just to say goodbye to you and wish you well, then that would be enough. It would have to be.

As much as he might’ve wanted to stand in front of you and bare his soul to you, he knew he couldn’t do that if you’d found your true love. He couldn’t be that selfish with you.

He kept that promise as he walked into your parents’ home for your engagement party.

You were easy to spot the moment he stepped inside the familiar living room. It was the room where you and he would spend hours playing when he wasn’t dragging you outside. It’s the same room where you would show him all the ideas you had about a perfect wedding. You would even go on to play it out with your many stuffies and have him play your groom every so often.

Oh, how he wished he’d known he would come to relive those moments more often later on. He wouldn’t have pushed you away a few times or wiped your wet kisses off his cheeks.

If he could go back, it wouldn’t be to his youngest self but to his teenage self. He had the chance to actually kiss you after one of his soccer games. You’d been so close to him, and he’d even leaned in. Another teammate ruined the moment, and he’d been too nervous to try again.

His trip down memory lane ended the moment you spotted him.

You said something to the man at your side. Your fiancé, no doubt. Then, you were weaving through your friends and family until you stood right in front of him.

“Jakey?”  Your voice shook while your hand came up, nearly cupping his cheek. It never made contact though as you launched yourself at him, wrapping yourself around him. “I can’t believe you’re here. They told me you died. Should be so mad at you right now, but I’m just so happy you’re alive.”

His arms tightened around you.

When he pulled back, he tugged a small chain from his pocket. “How could anything ever happen to me when I’ve got my good luck charm?”

You gasped at the little rabbit charm you’d bought him before his first deployment. It’d been one of the last things you’d given to him before the two of you went separate ways. You to university and Jake to boot camp.

“You kept that?”

He nodded. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I? You gave it to me.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but the man who’d been at your side before joined the two of you. His arm went around your waist. It wasn’t an act of possession, but it affected Jake in a way he hadn’t been prepared. You were truly not his any longer. Never would he be allowed such liberty with you.

“Oh, Jake, this is Steve, my fiancé. Stevie, this is Jake. He’s been my best friend since forever.”

Jake exchanged a few rather pleasant words with Steve.

As much as he hated it, he couldn’t dislike the man who’d gotten his ring on your finger. Another fellow military guy, Steve left the service a few years before and met you shortly after at a VA event. You’d gotten involved with the VA after Jake joined the military himself. Steve had been the one to help you through your grief over believing Jake was gone.

When Steve’s called away, you hesitate. Your hand does reach up to cup his cheek as you said, “I’m really glad you’re okay. You’re not allowed to ever scare me like again, you hear me?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He shot you what he hoped was a cheeky grin.

The way you shook your head while fighting back a smile, he must’ve succeeded.

As much as he wanted to steal you away and catch up, your other friends and family soon dragged you away from him.

He didn’t leave for a little while as some of your family came up to him and chatted with him, happy to see him alive as well.

At one point, your father pulled him to the side and offered him a stiff drink.

“You look like you could use it, son,” your father said by way of explanation.

Your father and Jake shared the quiet moment, sipping at the dark bourbon and watching the party continue without them for the moment.

“Steve’s a good man. He’ll take real good care of my daughter. It’s all I ever wanted for her,” he said, breaking the silence. When your father’s gaze slid toward Jake, he couldn’t help a small chuckle as he added, “But I can’t say that I haven’t thought I’d be giving her away to you over someone else. I would’ve approved if you had ever made a move. Just so you know.”

Unable to form words, Jake tried and failed to think up anything beyond a shocked, “Thank you, sir.”

He couldn’t possibly imagine what he could say to that information.

Your laugh caught his attention as Steve spun you before dipping you in front of your friends and family. The smile you graced Steve with made the bourbon he sipped settle like a hot jolt of lead in his stomach.

That was a smile he hadn’t seen from you in ages. It wouldn’t be a smile meant for him again.

“Excuse me, sir,” he said, handing your father his half-finished glass. “I, um, I should probably get to my sister’s. She’s expecting me. I’m glad she’s happy.”

He bit his tongue to keep himself from rambling further.

Before he left your parents’ home, he dared a final glance in your direction.

Your gaze was on him, and a small frown appeared across your features.

Not wanting you to ever be upset, he gave you the best impression of a smile that he could muster and a half-hearted wave.

The late afternoon sun burned his eyes, but he didn’t slow his pace to the truck he’d rented. He needed to get away from you and your parents’ home. The memories would forever haunt him. Taunt him with roads not taken.

He doesn’t see you standing at the front door, watching him walking away. Nor does he see the tears that spring to your eyes that you hastily swipe away before Steve can see them. Your fingers begin to play with the engagement ring on your left hand.

*****

Clay had been generous in the time off he gave Jake.

Pulling up to his sister’s home, he soon found himself wrapped up in a tight hug. His sister around his neck and his niece around his waist. Their love helped ease the sadness lingering in him at seeing you so happy with someone else.

“Uncle JJ, you gonna come to my games since you’re back?”

Jake grinned. “Wouldn’t miss them for the world, squirt.”

His sister granted him some mercy then by shooing his niece off so she could settle him into the guest room of their home.

“Oh, I found a box of your old stuff when I was cleaning up the closet in here the other day. Thought you might want it, so I put it over there.” She pointed to the box that was sitting in the small chair situated in front of an antique writing desk she found at a flea market a few years back. She’d been so proud of the find and the plans she had for it, sending them all over several text messages to him.

“Thanks,” he nodded at the box, then gestured to the room, “for everything.”

She left him to settle in then.

It didn’t take him long to unpack as he’d long since learned to pack light. He had his few belongings either hanging in the closet or put away in the small drawers of the dresser.

With nothing else really to do for the moment, he approached the box and popped the folded flaps. Photos and notebooks filled the interior alongside some of his soccer trophies and other memorabilia from his high school years.

The one thing that stood out the most was the pink notebook he’d thought he lost some years ago. It’d been a special secret between him and you. The two of you would write whatever you had on your minds and share them, so others wouldn’t see them.

He recalled the one time one of his teammates had grabbed the notebook and tried to read it. Thankfully, the two of you had used a special language you two had created in your childhood. The two hadn’t bothered with keeping a code of that language, either.

As he sank down on the edge of the bed, he opened up the notebook. The strange words and their actual meanings came back to him as he started reading. Small smiles and several shakes of his head followed along his reading.

Time quickly sped away as he got lost in the notebook and all the secrets the two of you shared.

It wasn’t until he got to the last page that he nearly dropped the notebook.

The last entry was one he hadn’t seen before. It was in your handwriting, too. The date on it was the same day he shipped out.

He read and reread the words until they were forever ingrained in his mind.

I love you, Jake. I’ve always loved you. Come home to me, okay? I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life, now or ever.

You’d confessed, and he’d never seen it until that moment.

His heart twisted while his stomach churned painfully. Burning moisture blurred his vision behind his glasses and soon speckled the lenses.

Did this mean that you thought he hadn’t loved you back?

That thought had him nearly tripping over himself to reach the bathroom. The two bits of finger food he had alongside the bourbon your father had given him came up. That was soon replaced with pure bile that burned his throat. He didn’t have much left before he shifted to dry heaving. It hurt to breathe, and he couldn’t get the vice around his heart to loosen.

He lost track of how long he stayed kneeling over the toilet. His knees shook from their prolonged hold. His hands shook for a different reason, but he didn’t notice as much. He kept clenching and unclenching them to ground himself.

When he could safely say that nothing else would be coming up, he rinsed his mouth out and drenched his face with more water. His skin felt on fire as his thoughts continued to reel with this new piece of information.

Had he really cost himself his greatest dream?

You’d hugged him as though you’d never said the words.

How much had he hurt you when he hadn’t responded to your message all those years ago? How did you not hate him for that?

He didn’t deserve you. He realized that now.

If he’d been a real friend, he would’ve seen your message. He wouldn’t have let you doubt his love for you. Hell, he wouldn’t have let you get there because he would’ve kissed you when he had the chance.

That was all gone now.

He would spend the rest of his vacation avoiding you. It was only fair to step aside now and let you find your happiness with someone else.

If only fate was so kind to him and his plans…

*****

Over the course of the next few weeks, Jake could count on both hands and feet the number of times he accidentally ran into you.

It wasn’t exactly hard to do in the smallish city you both called home for so long. Yet, it shouldn’t have been so easy, either.

If Jake didn’t know better, he would think someone was orchestrating this whole thing.

More often, Jake would manage to spot you and duck around a corner before you spotted him. He didn’t want to make it awkward for you or himself by actually running into you. Well, more like making it awkward for himself. There was no guarantee that he wouldn’t say something stupid. In fact, it was almost a sure thing he would.

His filter never really existed around you.

Yet, you never minded that about him. It’d been one of the reasons he fell so hard for you all those years ago. Why he was still so in love with you. With you, he could be himself. You never made him feel bad about it, either. Sure, you might tease him every now and then, but you were never mean about it. How could he not fall for you?

The times he couldn’t escape without you spotting him, he would offer up a wave and pick up an item. Then, he ducked out of the aisle and out of the store. He’d most often leave his items behind for some poor worker to deal with, but he couldn’t bring himself to go back. He couldn’t until you left, then he would begin his shopping all over again.

By the end of his third week, he was ready to pull out his frosted tips by the roots.

You’d cornered him in one of the shops, spotting him before he even clocked you.

“What gives?” you demanded, crossing your arms over your chest.

He gulped. “Nothing. What’s up?”

Well, so much for playing it cool with the way he stammered.

“You’re avoiding me, and I want to know why.”

“I’m not.”

His gaze couldn’t help scanning the store for any signs of your fiancé. The last thing he wanted was to have a confrontation with you and have Steve overhear it.

“Now, you’re lying to me. All those years as best friends really don’t mean that much, do they?”

“That’s not true. You know it’s not. I…”

He couldn’t bring himself to say the words he wanted to say. He couldn’t do that to you or your fiancé. You’d made your choice. He wasn’t it.

He could only hope that you would see the truth in his eyes.

That was if you’d look at him.

No, you stubbornly stared at some spot over his shoulder.

He could see the moment you made up your mind about whatever thoughts crossed it. Your shoulders squared up, and you let out a slow, steadying breath.

“It’s fine, Jake. At least, I can put the past to rest now. I am glad you’re safe and alive. I hope you stay that way. I really do. The world needs you in it.”

You took a step away and turned back to the shopping cart you’d been pushing around. Over your shoulder, you added in the softest voice he’s ever heard from you, “I really hope you have a good life, Jake. You deserve it.”

Jake fought the urge to reach out and pull you back to him. He wanted to tell you everything that’s ever entered his mind about you, but he let you walk away from him again.

In an equally soft voice, he waited for you to leave the aisle to say, “I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

What he didn’t know was his quiet voice wasn’t so quiet. He didn’t know you’d stopped in the next aisle over and rested your head against the shelf. He didn’t know that his words carried to your ears or the way your unshed tears blurred then streaked down your face.

He didn’t see you play with the engagement ring on your finger. It’d become a new habit since he’d walked back into your life. You weren’t even aware of it.

There was someone who did notice and has noticed the change in you since Jake came back into your life. He couldn’t say he liked it, but he couldn’t deny you anything, either. If your heart called out to Jake’s instead of his, then he’d let you off the hook. He’d help you get your guy.

*****

The bright red glow of the clock next to his bed taunted Jake.

He should’ve been asleep hours ago, but he’d been unable to sleep since you cornered him earlier that day. He couldn’t get your sad eyes off his mind or the words you’d said to him. How he wished he could’ve told you the truth.

The words had been on the tip of his tongue, but he’d swallowed them back. Just like every other opportunity he’d had with you over the last couple decades.

No, you deserved to live a happy life with a guy like Steve. Not the hopeless case that was himself.

Maybe his friends had been right about him. Maybe he did screw things up to the point he’d forever be alone. He probably even deserved it for the way he’d treated you earlier and that fateful day years ago.

Shoving the heels of his hands into his eyes, he tried to shut his thoughts down. He needed sleep if he was going to watch his niece’s first game since he came back home. He wasn’t going to disappoint her like he’d done with you for far too long.

He set his laptop next to him and dropped back into the pillows behind his back. His eyes had just slammed shut with the purpose of falling asleep when his phone dinged.

When he might’ve ignored it, another message dinged. A few more followed it until he couldn’t ignore the noise any longer.

His fingers deftly opened the screen to shut down his notifications when he froze.

None of the messages came from his friends.

They came from you.

You awake?

Where are you?

I really need to see you.

Please, Jakey, it’s important.

Jake fumbled his phone as he reread your messages. It took him several tries to even write a reply that resembled some level of comprehension.

Can you meet me on the porch in 5?

I won’t stay long.

Just really need to see you.

He texted back quickly.

In a rush to meet you like you asked, he donned the pants he’d been wearing earlier but forewent the shirt. There wasn’t much need for one in the still-warm night air.

Then again, maybe a small part of him wanted you to see him and be a little impressed with the physique he’d gained from his years in the military.

He ducked out of his room, grateful it was the one closest to the front door. That meant less chance of waking his sister or niece at such a late hour.

You were already waiting in an SUV when he stepped outside. The interior light illuminated your teary face alongside the gentle smile on the man you’d be marrying in less than a month.

Jake had to swallow the bile rising in his throat at seeing Steve cup your cheek. He almost couldn’t when Steve pressed a kiss to your other cheek. You said something to Steve and hugged him for a long moment, then stepped out of the vehicle.

To Jake’s surprise, Steve waited until you stood on the porch under the light with him before Steve started the vehicle up. He shot Jake a single nod before pulling out of the drive and headed down the road.

“Where is he going?” Jake couldn’t help asking, his gaze still following the retreating taillights. “Why is he leaving you here?”

“He seems to think I belong here,” you said in the smallest voice. Your arms came up to wrap around yourself as you met his surprised gaze. “I’m hoping he’s not wrong. Did you mean what you said earlier?”

Jake doesn’t know how to answer that. He couldn’t recall anything he’d said earlier that would’ve given you an inkling of his feelings. As much as he might’ve wanted to tell you, he’d been so careful not to put you in that position. Hadn’t he?

“You said you loved me. I don’t think you meant anyone to hear it,” you finally supplied, “but did you mean it?”

“It doesn’t matter if I didn’t or didn’t. You’re engaged to Steve.” Jake spared a glance at the empty street, a frown forming. “Though, I’m beginning to have my doubts about how good he is for you. Has he done this before? Left you somewhere without any way to get home? Tell me, and I’ll kick his ass for you. I’ll—”

You cut him off then.

Your lips pressed against his in a way he’d never thought to experience with anyone before, least of all you. It wasn’t anything more than a chaste kiss to shut him up, but he could taste the berry lip balm you’ve always favored on your lips. He could feel your breath against his lips when you pulled back the smallest amount.

Your left hand came up. The shimmering diamond ring that had adorned your finger the past weeks was missing.

“I’m sorry,” he said on a breath.

Your breath hitched. “You don’t…”

You let the words hang between the two of you.

It took Jake a moment to catch on to your meaning, but he quickly shook his head. “Oh, no, no. I’m not sorry I said I loved you. I meant that. God, I’ve meant it for years. No, I’m sorry if my saying it cost you your engagement.”

“I never should’ve said yes to Steve. He was a sweet guy who helped me through my grief.”

You stop to take a breath. That same steely determination he witnessed in you earlier that day and countless other times settled in you. Your shoulders squared and your gaze met his with a fierceness that had him holding his breath.

“But he’s never been the man that held my heart. He was never going to replace the one I’ve loved since we said our first ‘I do’s’ in my parents’ living room all those years ago.”

In the secret language you two came up with, you whispered, “I’m in love with you, Jake. Always have been. Always will be.”

This time, Jake kissed you. It was a lot of smushed lips and knocked teeth, but neither of you cared. Soon, the two of you found the right angles to deepen the kiss until it left you both breathless and aching.

When he pulled away, he ran his thumb over your cheek and whispered, “You’ve always been my dream. If you’ll give me a chance, I’d like to make my dream come true.”

"I think I can do that." You grinned at him, then traced a finger down his bare chest to his belly button. Your grin widened at the shiver that your action caused. "First, you must tell me what the military does to make you look this good, Jakey. I'm all for a demonstration."

Beet red, Jake ushered you inside where he was all too happy to show everything your heart desired.

*****

Main Masterlist

[hackerqueen]

In The Stars

author's note: i missed writing one shots (you also know that i love writing sad stories) hope you like it!

She couldn't tell fact from fiction anymore.

She hadn't slept through the night in so long because thoughts of him haunted her constantly. Every attempt to nap ended the same way. With her eyes closed, she saw the hundreds of messages she exchanged with him. From the worst ones, where both lacked hope, but their presence gave them strenght, to the sweet ones, where they forgot about the world around them. Where the group, the Hannah search or the government didn't matter. Where they were just two people who were blindly in love with each other. Where in these small moments they could breathe a sigh of relief and find their own definition of peace.

She was reliving them all. And she regretted so much that those moments were so few. That she didn't get to know him fully. That they did not experience what other lovers in great romantic novels did.

Despite the passage of time, she could not come to terms with it, much less erase it from her memory. Then it was all about him. Every thought, every dream or whisper in her head. She never expected his departure to be so painful. The hole that was still bleeding in her heart was making her breathing more shaky than normal. Every day she fell apart, only to put herself back together again in the evening. However, after the nightmares that haunted her at night, the morning came when she had to face the world again, pretending that she was still alive, even though she couldn't live anymore.

Every day she tried to forget everything. Get rid of every memory left of him. But she felt him all the time. And she was sure that she will always feel him.

A few months later she was sitting on the edge of the roof, her legs hanging loosely and the cool night wind chilling her body. The night was absolutely beautiful. A full moon and thousands of stars illuminated her face. With a sigh, she reached into the pocket of her black sweatshirt to pull out the box of pills she put away each day. She poured some into her palm and swallowed them without sipping. She closed her eyes, blowing steam from her mouth due to the low temperature. She tried to let herself feel the blissful state she usually felt after the drugs that somehow allowed her to fight another day.

– Bad day?

Hearing a soft voice behind her, she immediately opened her eyes and turned her head.

He was standing there. In the darkness of the night she couldn't see his face, but the silhouette of the hacker made her feel a longed-for peace. A pleasant warmth spread inside her, as if someone had poured hot water on her frozen body.

– You are here. – she whispered in a trembling voice – You're here again.

She watched as he started walking towards her, nodding his head in response. He sat down next to her. His face was still blurred as if pixelated, but she could recognize his blue eyes, which were always calm, harmonious, and warm. So much warmth that could have lulled her to sleep. They felt so real that once again she was sure it was really him.

– You know these meetings of ours are... – He paused and scratched the back of his neck, searching for the right word. – Alarming.

She smiled. However, the smile did not last long, because after a few moments tears stung under her eyelids and she was not going to stop them. Not here and not with him.

– You can't keep doing this.

– I'm trying to quit it, all the time, but it's just too hard. – she looked down at her lap and he took her hand

But she felt nothing but coldness and lasting emptiness.

Then she burst into even more sobs that shook her whole body. She choked on it, as she had that night when she found out about the mine explosion.

– Please don't cry. – he said softly as his other hand caressed her cheek where he was wiping away the tears – It's okay.

– No, it's not. – she croaked – Tell me what I can do to make you stay? What can I do so you won't leave?

He looked straight into her eyes, still gently holding her cheek, on which he was drawing patterns unknown to her with his thumb.

– You can't do anything because you know perfectly well that I'm not..

– Please don't say that – she whimpered, looking pleadingly into his eyes

She didn't want to hear it because each time it felt like the hole in her heart was growing even bigger.

– I'm not here, MC.

The words vanished into the air with the gust of wind. MC squeezed her eyes shut as more hot tears ran down her face. She hated those moments. She hated them because even though she knew he was right, she still couldn't accept it.

She opened her eyes and the seat next to her was empty. He hadn't been there for long, endless months. He never showed up. It was only an illusion and an image of her riddled psyche, which she could not part with. It was the last thing left of him.

It's been five whole months. She knew that tomorrow would be another day when no one would notice that something was wrong. And she would come back here again to feel his presence for a while. In the middle of the night, where only the stars will witness their meeting. She knew it was bad for her. But she couldn't muster the courage to say goodbye.

More than anything in the world, she wished Jake would still haunt her.

"I don't wanna say goodbye, 'cause this one means forever

And now you're in the stars and six-feet's never felt so far

Here I am alone between the heavens and the embers"