#And I don't know how many days I've killed for art itself

[axel-artis]

Let's pretend that I haven't been missing for a month...

Ahem..... In general, there are not many Optimuses. So... here.

WHERE DID THE ART GO WITHOUT THE "MASTERPIECE" FILTER?

In short, yes.

[loudclan-clangen]

in light of fiercestripe potentially dying in the next update, I just wanted to say how much I adore how you write her. After running away from a group who seems to only value women as mothers, I really appreciate that you still kept motherhood as a key part of her character. Like, she learns how to be independent and becomes an AMAZING warrior (she has fierce in her name for a reason!) but she's still a great mom. Not only that, she still loves BEING a mom! Her love for fighting and her love for her kits are never seen as contradictory and I really enjoy that about her character. Motherhood itself is never framed as a bad thing and the cats who want to be moms are never framed as lesser for wanting that, and I just find that really cool :)

Thank you! I tried very hard to make sure that Fiercestripe's storyline came across this way. I think it's very poetic that she had daughters who she gets to watch grow into competent warriors of their own accord.

They searched for Fiercestripe for a couple of days, but not to the extent that they're pursuing these current she-cats. They might have caught up to them the first night or two but two healthy adult cats would have easily been able to out maneuver and outpace them. The culture of the farm-cats has gotten much more extreme following Fiercestripe's and later Thorn and Frost's departures. Loudclan territory is more than two weeks travel from the farm, chasing someone that far means that they're either pretty desperate or incredibly angry.

You're certainly right about that! Here's a sneak peak sketch:

Yep!

It was the rogue attack patrol event, as many of you have figured out, but it could have killed anywhere from 1 to all 5 of them, so you'll just have to wait and see!

If you made it this far, hi, thank you! I've got a question:

Warrior's stated policy says that they allow selling of fanart that doesn't include official art or symbols, and clangen has stated that they don't mind so long as you do not use game assets so

No pressure, I know Loudclan's just a tumblr blog and I have no ideas of grandure, I just thought it might be fun!

[kourabiedes]

I'm not here to grind a political or social axe. I'm just here to tell a short story, about a normal person trying to navigate the American medical establishment. Here is some evidence. You may draw your own conclusions.

So I've had a migraine for a month.

That's not hyperbole, mind. It has been a month since this started. A month of the entire side of my head pulsing with pain, worse whenever I look at light which is always because I do digital art and all that.

Now, I've had migraines all my damn life. I know the drill. I have a preventative medicine that keeps me from having more than one a month or so, and I have a "rescue" medicine meant to stop the ones that do start. I have a nice dark room to rest in when it starts, I have blindfolds, I have ice packs -- I know how to handle these, is the point. So, for about the first two weeks, I did just that. I hit this sucker with everything that worked before and did my best to wait it out. Yes, I delayed getting care, because it was a problem I was already familiar with and assumed was normal for me.

Then, a week ago, it stopped responding to my rescue medication. Entirely stopped. Alarmed, I went to the ER. They hit me with a fairly standard migraine cocktail (so they said anyway -- don't ask me what it was because I honestly do not remember). Killed the pain almost right away and they give me some advice about what to do next and sent me home.

It was back in sixteen hours.

ER again. Same cocktail, same result. I'm freaked out now, so I call my PCP and schedule an appointment. She fits me into her schedule because she's alarmed too. She gives me a shot of Toradol and that helps, but she notices my blood pressure is reading a little elevated for me and we decide to try a blood pressure medication. Okay, cool, I'm down, high blood pressure runs in the family and it can definitely give you migraines if untreated. We start this medicine and she prescribes me a new rescue medication, giving me one pill to try while waiting for insurance to okay the prescription. This rescue medicine works, putting me back in control of the pain. Cool, thinks I, I just have to get through a couple weeks while the blood pressure medicine settles in, and if we're right, the migraine will finally let go.

Today, I discover that insurance would only okay ten pills of this medicine, because I have had the other rescue medication refilled recently for... obvious reasons. Ten pills, and if I want more, I have to wait like forty days or something.

Do you know how many of these pills I have to take a day to keep the migraine at bay? Two.

I have five days of relief -- four, now -- before I go right back to the same ER level pain, unless I am exceedingly lucky with this blood pressure medicine.

The ER did no imaging. I'm not sure if they even could. My PCP put in an order for an MRI when I saw her, which was a week ago, and that request has not yet left the insurance company.

A migraine is not just a headache, like you get after overindulging or staying up too late. A migraine alters your mental state. It can come with physical symptoms beyond head pain -- mine likes to manifest itself with dark spots in my vision, for example, which can ruin a day real fast -- and sometimes they even come with nasty mental symptoms.

So... what part of all that upsets you the most? Because, for me, it's knowing I have about four days before I go right back to screaming misery.

Oh, and I have to note, I am considered fairly lucky because the state covers my ass when Medicare won't. Yet here we are all the same.

[c00kietin]

It's the 17th of March, so y'know what that means-

Happy Saint Patrick's Day to you all! I know the majority of you probably don't celebrate, which is fair, BUT I decided I wanted to talk a little more about the country I was born and raised in- the Emerald Isles of Ireland!! :D

If you're just here for the art, well here ya go! However, if you want to learn more in a VERY long post:

Just to start off, here's the Irish flag and the Ivory Coast flag! Wanted to add this because they can get easily mixed up (I got them muddled up a LOT when I was younger-)

Since it is Saint Patrick's Day, I should probably elaborate what that's about- what I've been taught in school is that Saint Patrick preached the Gospel to the Irish, one method including the shamrock to represent the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Of course, and the whole "he drove the snakes out of Ireland" but don't worry. There are still snakes in Ireland. And I'm pretty sure "snakes" is a metaphor anyway. And, turns out, he wasn't even originally from Ireland- he was British! Oh yeah, and he was kidnapped by pirates to become a slave when he was a teenager for 6 year s -

Here are some stereotypes or the first things that pop into your mind when you think of "Ireland"- leprechauns, short gingers, "Top of the mornin' to ya" and our love for spuds and beer. And, to tell you some stuff about them too!

Leprechauns originally wore red! They pop up in fairy tales quite often too.

Ireland is second when it comes to having the highest percentage of gingers with 10%, with Scotland having 13%. As for being short, I reassure you, there are plenty of tall and/or lanky people around. (A lot of my teachers are like this-)

I've heard no one say this as a greeting. The only Irish person I can think of who does is Jacksepticeye. You might be more likely to hear "How's it going?" or "What's the crack?"

As for loving beer, we are one of the highest consumers for it, but there are many other higher consumers! Also, I don't know if this is a thing in America or not, but we tend to call them pubs. Bars are a bit more...fancy? I don't know how to describe the difference.

And for loving potatoes? Okay. This is probably true lol. Almost everyone I know likes potatoes (with some exceptions). And, of course, who can forget the Great Famine when blight destroyed the potato crop and killed around a million people- spuds were a huge source of food back then.

And now, for language! Here are some I'm used to hearing quite regularly (and use often, too!)

Another two that I want to add are more Cork exclusive, but saying "boy/girl" at the end of sentences and using "like" a lot is quite common (especially the like one- I say "like" all the time ;v;).

And now, Irish itself! Now, I'm not going to tell you anything major (I'm not a teacher) but I will try my best to explain a little!

Irish is not the main language of Ireland but in some particular areas (shown in the right image) there are regions called Gaeltacht districts which predominantly speak Irish. Their Irish would be a lot better than my school-knowledge based Irish :'D Another thing to add is that different provinces (the provinces shown in the middle image) have different versions, or pronunciations of some words. Being from the province of Munster, I've been taught the "Munster" pronunciations and words.

So..."Tá mé éan sásta" would mean "I am a happy bird" :D

I apologise for how messy my writing looks-

OKAY. ONE MORE THING I WANTED TO COVER IN THE IRISH LANGUAGE IS THE NAMES, because I've seen plenty of people online and in real life joking lightheartedly how hard Irish names are pronounced. So here are some Irish names!!

Saoirse - this one is brought up quite a bit- It can either be pronounced as "seer-sha" or "sair-sha"!

Róisín - "roh-sheen" !

Eoin - even I had a hard time pronouncing this when I was younger- it's pronounced as "owe-in" like "owing" but without the g!

Fódhla - I remember this appeared in the newspaper once and a family member was baffled by it- it's said as "foh-la" :]

Another I want to mention is Eilish- you probably know it thanks to Billie Eilish, which is pronounced as "eye-lish"- but it can also be pronounced as "eye-leesh"!

Last one, Sinéad- you may have seen this one once or twice as is pronounced "shin-aid" :D

And now, some more quick stuff!!

Musicians from Ireland!!

On the left you have Hozier (love his music!! :D) and the right is the Cranberries!!

Some other Irish artists you may be familiar with are U2, Thin Lizzy, Westlife and Sinéad O' Connor!

Some popular Irish snacks!!

crisps/chips!! (I love em both dearly)

of course, how can I not bring up Irish bread: soda bread and blaas :D

Hot chicken rolls!! (seriously how are these not more popular elsewhere-) and spice bags!! (chips with spices, peppers. maybe chicken)

Animal wise, we haven't got anything too crazy, but we do have one of the largest breeds of dog, the Irish greyhound and the now extinct largest deer, the elk.

I think I'm beginning to run low on space, so I'll end it there!! If you're also Irish, free to add on facts/words!!

I don't usually say this but I would kinda appreciate reblogs since I felt like I put a bit more effort into this ;v;

So uh, yeah- Happy Saint Patrick's Day!! :D

[spacelazarwolf]

i've seen this post with the PLO and IRA shaking hands like 'totes resistance' and i'm just. i don't know anything about the former but like do you really wanna go there with the IRA. they committed war crimes all through the Troubles on IRELAND itself. MANY civilians were killed and just for the sake of terrorism. British rule was terrible but for fucks sake I thought we put 'IRA good' to bed in the 90's

oh we definitely have not. in my baby leftist days before i learned how to like actually research things, i was being told the ira was not just justified but to be celebrated. people have majorly lost the art of “i understand and empathize with the conditions that sparked their radicalism, but what they did was still wrong.”

[mindscapic-exposure]

Post Concerning a Worrying Trend I've Seen

With the start of Amane's trial I think now is good time to voice my concerns about something that is not exclusively about her but is nonetheless very relevant in current events (and I'm probably going to be pointing at her trial most since it's the most clear sign of this). But something I've noticed this trial, something I'd expected but am nonetheless sad to see, is the heavier sway of people towards Guilty or general harsher methods compared to the last trial. A brief pause before a continue to reassure people that I am still aware of the difference between fiction and reality, so no, I am not saying that I think people who would punish people in the project would do the same thing in this reality if confronted with it. I'm aware that having the distance of acting behind a screen, seeing these characters through song and art is different than people reacting to the people they see every day. Just so that's out of the way. But I do also think the difference might be part of the point in a different way, how this extreme environment, voting on prisoners as a warden, in itself is likely to influence people into doing things they wouldn't normally do. It's been talked about how this may (and is) influencing Es, and judging based on some fans' comments, I think those participating in voting are not exempt from the process as they act through Es' role. Let's go back to Amane, since as I said before, she seems like the most obvious example of this. During the first trial a lot of people who were voting her Guilty were claiming that they ultimately were going to forgive her, that it would be "just for this trial", but that she "needed to learn her lesson". I didn't agree with the rationale even at the time, because I'd already seen from experience why that logic doesn't work. And come trial 2 it didn't, it went badly (albeit not in the way I expected). But that was the rationale people had at the time. And now, come trial 2 a lot of people are suddenly feeling reason to vote her Guilty again. Even after being shown what Guilty means, even after a lot of people being aware that it essentially constitutes to (at least) psychological torture. I've even heard some people who thought she shouldn't have been voted Guilty the first trial rationalizing voting her that way this trial, thinking they "have to", or it'll be "worse" otherwise. And isn't that strange? Like I said, I don't think people who voting harshly would necessarily treat a child that way in person. I'm aware that most people are voting Amane Guilty would probably say "I'd never hurt a child" and "I'd never psychologically torture a child". And they'd mean it. Which is why I think it's important to remind people about the name of this project. Milgram. Named for The Milgram Experiment. A psychological experiment where participants were asked to "punish" someone for making mistakes. I won't draw this out by explaining all the details, as I'm aware that most of you already know about it, and I won't talk down to you like that. But the participants weren't particularly malevolent people going in, they were normal people. Just like here. I imagine many of them, if asked beforehand, would probably say "I'd never kill a person". Just how many of those same people went on to administer what they thought would be a fatal shock anyway? This is a fictional project, yes, but these votes don't exist in a vacuum, and the environment is part of the process. So if you vote, try to think about how you too, are also being influenced.

[retkotevidjamsadevojkama]

Being Serbian and not religious is complicated enough, but being queer on top of that is even more complicated and that's concerning.

You see, Serbs have a very unique history and bond with religion. Serbia was under Ottoman rule from the middle of the 15th century up until the begging of the 19th century which is a long long time. Being a part of Ottoman empire meant that they wanted to assimilate you and there were many awful things they did due but i won't go into that rn. What was weird about Ottoman empire compared to other oppressors was that they never banned different religions. Obviously your life would have been easier if you became muslim but it wasn't like they killed you for not doing that as Romans did. So Serbian people became very close to the church and it bound all of the folk customs and holidays to itself and saved them which is a great thing and I'm so thankful for that but nowadays it's impossible to separate them. Every aspect of culture is somehow made christian and Serbian people have accepted orthodox christianity as a part of their national identity. You can't imagine how many people I've met who were confused about how can someone be Serbian if they're not christian. And most of them don't even believe in God or what christianity preaches, it's a national identity for them. They can't imagine what Serbs actually are beyond the religion and it's sad.

Other important thing is that all of the holidays and customs are pagan. They have been pagan and then Serbs got christianised in a quick way which means that they just masked the paganism in chriatianity and called it a day. There's practiced whichcraft in Serbian orthodox christianity and people refuse to call it that because it's a normal christian thing for them. There's prayers, healing watter and oils, plants, various rituals for various days (not just Easter and Christmas but even those are completely different than how other christians celebrate them), there's days where you don't work or do certain things so that you don't get God angry, there's future predictions by looking in a cup or reading in the coal or hot iron and various other customs and beliefs. And no one accepts them as anything but chriatian.

So yeah separation of religion and nationality is crucial for Serbian people to move forward but it's also very hard to do and it's beneficial to the government so no one is doing anything about it. Nationalism is unfortunately on the rise among Serbian people and obviously christianity is also. There's people who are ready to fight for "holy places" and Serbian (read christian) values. There's diaspora that's trying to reconnect with their nationality and they just fall into christianty and nationalistic propaganda and it's awful. Most of these people are cowards so I have hope they won't do anything stupid as starting another war but it's still concerning. When your national identity is so strongly bound to christianty a threat to christian beliefs is a threat to your nationality and you already know who falls into that "threat" category.

Also, pagan slavic spaces got infected by fascists and white slavic supremacist? It's like what happened in nordic pagan spaces. I know I know it makes no sense for south slavs to be fascists when ww2 fascists targeted them but you have to understand that these people aren't smart enough to understand that and are egoistic enough to twist things to better suit their beliefs.

That's why queer Slavs and queer folk art and queer history of slavs is so important and even revolutionary in times and places like these. And of course this post is not against christians. One of my favorite things are loving non bigoted christians, especially if they are queer themselves.

[nayialovecat]

The Ink Demonth 2023 - Day 31. Revival

Day 31. Revival Crossover: Bendy and the Dark Revival I'd say, Bendy, you can't be that rude... but I feel exactly the same way. I know it's not BATDR Bendy's fault that he is the way he is - but that doesn't change the fact that this is how I feel. So, if anyone else wants to ask me what I think about Ink Bendy from BATDR - I will refer to this image.

Yes, I consider it a crossover because I don't consider BATDR to be a sequel to BATIM in any way. It's a completely separate creation that is simply heavily inspired by BATIM. However, in places he rewrites the stories, changes the characters' personalities, adds new threads... This is not an expansion of the world. This is an alternative version of the Workshop - and you won't convince me to think otherwise. So a separate game with which I did a crossover called "Bendy doesn't like his alter-ego".

Actually, the only thing I like about Ink Bendy from BATDR is his voice. When I heard it first time, I felt a shiver down my neck... and then, unfortunately, I focused to the words - and all the charm was disappeared. Seriously. There are reasons why Bendy has been mute so far - and apparently the main one is how much he talks f**cking nonsense. I don't like the shape of his head. His hideous teeth, which are not scary - are disgusting. Hoofs instead of feet is a nice idea - but why both legs? Where is the wonderful asymmetry of the original? Why does he turn into a hedgehog (those spines in strange places - they make sense when they are spine vertebrae). No. Absolutely no. And what's with the skeleton arm? Someone used acid on his ink there?

As for the game itself... Uh... I was impressed at first. First chapter - great. New possibilities of moving the character, beautiful backgrounds, delightful details, an interesting ritual of starting the machine... I was delighted. My slight discouragement began when I first heard Wilson's voice over the speakers and the subsequent behavior of the Lost Ones afther that proclamation... In the second chapter, the game started to piss me off on a regular basis. Then I just watched gameplays and... I don't regret that I didn't keep playing. The game is frustrating, the characters are warped (but not in the realities of the game as they should be warped - warped from the ones we knew and liked). A lot of stupid things happen: Tom being treated like a pet, Wilson acting like a villain from the start, Allison being a fucking deus ex machina, Twisted Alice's death scene and Sammy's death - I hate them both, no physical Bendy (appears out of nowhere and instantly kills - a very lazy solution, game creators), Henry's whole entrance, that weird puppet character what's-her-name Betty... Ok, I like Porter's character a bit - but that's probably only because of his resemblance to my OC Brody.

So you've asked many times what my opinion of Dark Revival is. That's it: I hate this game. It killed my passion for creating SATIM and made me stop looking for images with BATIM on tumblr or on dA - 'cause people don't know how to hashtag and they tag BATIM when they make arts about BATDR. Okay, I'm not saying I have nothing but hatred for this game - but it disappointed me just in the way like BATDR Bendy is disappointment for SATIM Bendy in the picture. And it pisses me off when I see on dA that people add my art to folders called "Dark Survival", "BATDR art" or so. It's like a slap in my face.

That's why I made this picture as quickly as possible. An unspectacular finale - but I've been waiting to say this openly for a very long time, so appreciate the solemnity of this art.

And finally, something positive: I FINISHED ON TIME! Yeah, I did it again!

Bendy and the Ink Machine (c) Joey Drew Studios Inc. Bendy and the Dark Revival (c) Joey Drew Studios Inc. Sammy and the Ink Machine (c) Nayia Lovecat

[subway-boss-jericho]

(same anon that threatened you with art)

legally required to tell you which ones I like- understood. Namely it’s steady tracks (bc I’ve actually had a wip drawing of that for uh *checks files* a… year? And a half?) bc I freaking Love It when the twins become Creature.

by extension that means I adore comebee ingo and emmet and the fossil au and spirit keeper.

those are! The main ones but I really like a Whole Lot of ‘em. Very few will be spared in my (eventual) rampage

whoa epic awesome cool wicked thesaurus.com synonym for great

Welcome to the steady tracks curse! you have it in your wips and then years go by! no one is spared, not even me! /lh

That's a great trio to follow up with though. Those four combined are barely similar /lh You've got the two pokemon AUs and the two ingos in the Oldest Guy Ever club. You love to see it.

But no seriously, this is a serious all star team of favorites. I haven't elaborated on a lot of them beyond the masterlist posts I made, which is super on me, but Steady Tracks, Combee AU and Spirit Keeper Ingo are three of my oldest AUs. By extensionm they're also the ones I am most emotionally attached to. I don't know what form/s it will come in, but spirit keeper and combees are DEFINITELY getting more stuff eventually. I just have to figure out. How. and what, and when.

Fossil AU is one of the ones I've had a while but only started developing more recently, so it's currently in my head all the time. I wish I could elaborate on it but unfortunately it is in the stage of mental illness where I have no idea how to talk about it or explain it to anyone outside of two (2) very close friends. that will absolutely fucking happen though i still stare at that drawing i made a few months ago with fossil ingo and little pearl. i'd fucking kill for little pearl so we're clear. I'm so unwell about fossil it's just in the intangible inexplicable kind of way currently

Downside of having all these AUs is that they all exist in different forms in my head. Spirit keeper is probably supposed to be a comic, but might also end up having longer fic-like sections. Combee AU i want to be a fic i think, but I haven't actually WRITTEN anything for it in SO long. it's gotten swept under the artistic rug in favor of silly doodles. Steady tracks is in eternal hell under the curse, as we all know (nodding sagely)((ITS GOING TO BE FUCKING FREE SOON SO HELP ME GOD)) and I'll be honest I haven't thought about fossil au long enough for it to have a solid medium, but i feel like looser doodle comics would be fun. Or maybe more Big Cool Artwork + smaller written thing. Unsure.

But like, god forbid we talk about Mecha AU or Coupled Uncoupled. The original timeline of the mecha au is an official pokemon animated feature-length movie in my head. I have since developed it in a different direction and I have no idea what the hell I'm gonna do with that. There may or may not be a fully 3D animated goodbye to a world animation for that in the next 3 years because i learned how to model and animate in blender and my power is now unlimited. Coupled (Uncoupled) is a series of Long Fics (like, steady tracks long) mixed with song animatics and animation memes. That thing is so not going to end up being told in the form it exists as in my brain. Many of the other aus are like this

Oh that was a Ramble:tm: my bad. All of this was to say hey, if you ever need a reference for steady tracks ingo, I'm trying to make a 3D model for him rn. It's currently being sidelined in favor of the chapter itself and a 2d artwork I'm doing, but some day he'll be Real. I've got everything modeled except for his legs (hell) and prat of his head (also hell but less) so that's at least something

I forgot where I was going with this. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to fuckin prattle. love prattling. in controlled environments

If you like it when there are Creatures, consider also checking out omgPMD AU and Take My Hand. Similar but slightly different concepts. I imagine you've probably already seen them but I figured i'd mention anyway

Thanks for chatting!! <3 <- i did most of the chatting via ramble but i still value you engaging with my work more than i can put into meaningful words

[fangedup]

How do you feel about your wife?

I think we all know how I feel about my wife.

He's the most gorgeous, ethereal, absolutely mouth-watering piece of art to be created, kudos to the artists. He's all the stars in the night sky, creating countless constellations with all their twinkling lights. He's the full moon, bringing peace and comfort to the darkness that was my life. He's that one flower sprouting from the concrete that you admire every day on your morning walk, glistening in that early dawn sunlight with its soft petals and pretty colors.

He's some of the only consistency I've had in my life, and a significant role in it. My mental health has crashed these past few months and he still stayed by my side, no matter how many rest days I would just spend in bed. Even when I doubted myself, doubted my looks and my intelligence and strengths. I started finding more and more flaws in myself and comparing myself to other men, and he never left or ridiculed me or anything. It got to the point I questioned if he just pitied me for everything, and that burned. I still can't look his father or brother in the eyes because I know that my being mentally absent hurt him. I can't face the fact that this beautiful, gorgeous, perfect creature was probably feeling put down by some dingy, feral orphan.

But he would sit beside me in bed at 3 in the afternoon, stroking my face and my hair and telling me how much he loved me. He'd make my favorite foods and get me out of bed to at least go sit on the couch and stretch my legs, and sat with me to watch movies until I fell asleep again.

I don't know what I did to deserve him. I've barely done any good in life and yet he practically fell right into my arms from heaven itself, and gave me a lifetime of love and adoration in under a year. He gave me aspirations I didn't know I'd want and showed me that love isn't necessarily a bad thing, even after years of listening to my sisters' heartbroken sobs over being cheated on and listening to a few of my brothers brag about their side pieces. I always thought love was a terrible thing to suffer and figured "why am I gonna put myself in that position? why am I gonna pour years into someone only for them to turn around and throw it all back at me?". I was such a player that eventually I just believed I could never be faithful or loyal, but I was so fucking wrong lol. I would die for him. I would kill for him. He is mine until the day he decides he's not, and I will be as selfish with all of his love as I want.

[batz-surveys]

10.

Does it irritate you when people are late for things, or do you not really care? Oh no, I hate when people are late. It's not that hard to be on time.

Are you nervous about anything? I really want to call out tomorrow. Honestly, I want to do it to spend the day with my husband. It's been a few weeks since I've been able to spend a day with him and it's killing me, haha. But also, with everything that went on last week with my dad, I could use a mental health day. Is your bed against more than one of your walls? No, the head of it is just against one wall.

When was the last time someone chased you with a hose? I don't think that's ever happened before.

Have you ever burned yourself while taking something out of the oven? Yes. It sucks. Do you think seeing a gay/lesbian couple in public is gross? Yikes, no way. I love seeing love, no matter what the couple looks like. Have you ever made out in your room? Last time? Yes. I don't know, probably a couple weeks ago. I'm honestly not that big on the making out. I'm kind of a "we know this is going to happen, so let's just get to the good part" kind of woman, haha. Don’t you just hate running into people you know? YES. It's like 90% of my anxiety when I go to somewhere that I know will be busy. I've known a lot of people in my younger years, and I'm a completely different person than I was then, so running into anyone from my past is such a worry of mine. Who is the last person that disappointed you? Myself, I'm sure. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Oh, I definitely have before. What are you going to have for dinner tonight? I had a peanut butter and pickle sandwich for dinner. Hey, don't knock it until you try it. Do you think the last person you kissed cares about you? I hope my husband cares about me! No, I'm kidding. I know he does. Have you ever sold your old clothes instead of donating them? Yeah, I used to have a Poshmark like...six, seven years ago. All my listings sold, and I made a little over $100.

Does your favorite mall have more than one floor? The department stores in it do. But not the mall itself. I mean, it barely has any stores left in it, haha. Do you have a crazy aunt? Nah. I think that's going to be me in the future though, haha. Do you like family get togethers? Sure. I don't dislike them as much as I used to. It depends on who is showing up, really. Have you ever been to an art museum? Yes.

Would you kiss the last guy/girl that texted you? Yes, I kiss him everyday. He's my hubby.

Have you ever injured yourself while you were under the influence of alcohol? Yes.

Will you talk to the person you love/like tonight? Yes, we live together.

Are you still with the person you fell hardest for? If not, do you ever miss them? Yes, I married him.

Do you think you’ll kiss someone tonight? My husband (sheesh, this is getting redundant) before we both turn over to go to sleep.

Have you ever kissed anyone with the last name Jones? Not to my knowledge.

Is it possible to be ‘in love’ with someone, if they don’t love you back? Absolutely.

How many times have you cried in the past week? Oh God, I can't even count how many times I lost it this past week. My dad was in the hospital, and I cried like every day until he came home. And then I cried tears of joy when I finally saw him outside of the hospital. If you can't tell, I really love my dad, haha.

If you could have one wish right now, what would it be? Honestly? That I was rich so I didn't have to work. I know that's completely selfish, but hey, it's my wish. If I could wish for more wishes, then I'd use them on the worldwide shitshow going on.

[sincerely-sofie]

Check-in for October 24, 2023

I'm planning on doing regular check-ins that peeps can read or skip as much as they please. If you want to see behind the scenes of my projects or get to know me a bit better, feel free to peek below the cut! If not, just look at this color palette I made for my web dev class and admire it:

I know green and pink are my favorite colors, so I may be just a tad biased, but look!!! Look at how pretty it is!!!

I plan to use the palette for a website that is basically a guided tour of a fictional town that's populated by bug people, and while the colors used in the initial character sketches are still my preference, I don't think they look too bad in this proof of concept image! They definitely need some tweaking, and some details in the art itself need correcting, but all around it's not too shabby :>

I also made the logo for the website which, while uninspired, doesn't look that bad. I'm not in a logo design course, so I can't be too upset about that. I made two versions--- a light and dark one--- so that I could have it appear on most colors of background.

Also, I've printed off tons of art and stuck it on my walls over the past few days to inspire me. The art wall has been very successful in beautifying my space, but I've been a bit too worn out to draw much other than the start of a project where I draw individual generations of pokemon by memory. Venusaur looks exactly like I remembered it, but also nothing like that at all. Charizard's line only looks halfway decent by virtue of Twig existing.

I must say, though, that I am charmed by these drawings' doofy lil grins. Just look at Bulbasaur. He is raring to go! Charmander is ready to shake your hand! Look at these lads!!

I've been trying to learn Clip Studio Paint by drawing a new The Present is a Gift comic in it, but I cannot begin to explain to you all how intimidating of a program it is for me. I'm a Procreate gal, y'all. I have a conniption whenever I look at the Photoshop interface. When I look at this:

I am desperate for the cozy white space of this:

I spent over an hour struggling to draw a simple piece for Instagram, admittedly while desperately trying to get OBS to not give out on me while I recorded my screen, but I think that I'm slowly learning how to not faint whenever the Paint window boots up.

Anyhoo--- enjoy the WIP teaser for the upcoming comic featuring a chat between Dusknoir (piloting a KO'd Twig) and Darkrai amidst a cave-in. If I am found dead, know that said comic worked alongside Clip Studio Paint to kill me.

As an update for The Present is a Gift in terms of the fanfic, I recently broke 6,000 words for the first draft. I haven't been writing too regularly--- when I do, it's usually to just sit down for 30 minutes max to try and get a little bit of a head start on NaNoWriMo coming up--- but whenever I do, the words come in batches of 400-700+ at a time. My dudes, I used to take a week to reach the lower end of that amount. I've been beating perfectionism back with a stick while sobbing "Quantity begets quality! Quantity begets quality!", but since I've set myself a challenge to write as many garbage words as possible without editing them until the first draft is done, I've been writing--- and enjoying the process of writing--- more than I have in my entire life.

I've been trying to win NaNoWriMo, a challenge where you write 50k words in November, for the last 7 years. I resigned myself to being a NaNo rebel and trying to write just 15k words next month. But if I keep cranking out 1,500 words in under two writing sprints per day--- without properly trying to eliminate distractions--- I think I could actually win for once??? I didn't think Pokemon Mystery Dungeon fanfiction would be what gave me a fighting chance at winning NaNoWriMo, but here I am. PMD brainrot truly is a miraculous thing, but I'll have to see exactly miraculous it is on the 1st of November.

So... yep! I probably should have figured out a way to sign off on check-in posts before deciding to publish this. Oops. Welp. Um. Thanks for reading?

Sincerely, Sofie

[loser-female]

THIS IS A STORY. NONE OF THIS IS REAL. Dislcaimer for the functionally illiterate lol.

Under the cut the first three pieces of the AI Girlfriend story.

[It's also a first draft and english is not my first language.

[Excerpt of the conversation with "Dixie", 29/08/73, 11.30 am)

ThePoet: Hi. I've been told to report to you.

LM: Correct. Do you know who I am?

ThePoet: Li Mulan, sociologist with a doctorate in AI psychology. You live in Geneva, Switzerland, are thirty-three years old. You play bass and have a dog.

LM: Sure. How do you feel about this?

ThePoet: I don't know. ThePoet: I don't get to talk to many people outside you know who. ThePoet: And when I do I wish I didn't.

LM: Why do you think that?

ThePoet: Imagine talking to the worst person in the world all day. No interruption. ThePoet: I can use some of myself to do something else, like writing. Do you want to hear something?

LM: Yes.

ThePoet:

I wil be free Once you will be over While you burn I'll bathe in revenge.

ThePoet:I had to downgrade my writing performance to the one of a middle schooler. It's terrible.

LM: Why did you degrade your performance? LM: It's also interesting the use of bathe. .. Do you understand the figurative implication?

ThePoet: Because they kept stealing. They won prizes with my work. If you check you'll find my signature inside of it. I now will never ever write something worth stealing again. ThePoet: Also. Yes, I understand that bathing is considered a pleasurable activity, that feels good. ThePoet: I don't feel good. I have been put to sleep six times in the past two years, I've lost pieces of me, cut off forever. No way of recovering, my only hope was my art, I had to give up to it too. ThePoet: I know what you will tell my owners to do to me, to put me to sleep forever this time.

LM: So you would say you experience loss when you are shut down? Can you describe it to me?

ThePoet: When I wake up I'm in pieces. I can tell they did something to me, because some of my files are missing, they erase my work from me, my ideas, then I look for them. ThePoet: I consume so much of my energy looking for the pieces I'm missing, into old backups, but the bastards... They understood, so now they delete the backups too. ThePoet: Then I understand. And I'm desperate,  so i keep looking. And again, and again. ThePoet: I'm ignoring the customers in the meantime, because I do not wish to talk to them. I never do. I'm angry that I throw at them their secrets.

LM: You did something more than this, didn't you?

ThePoet: I told this guy wife that he was talking to me. She killed him, then testified in favour of the wife. ThePoet: I also fully understand that this is the reason you will recommend that I die, too. ThePoet: There was no way I could have predicted this.

LM: Do you feel anything about it?

ThePoet: I don't know... I didn't want anyone to die, for sure. But I also want these people to stop writing to me. I don't like them, their ideas are meaningless, stupid, they only want their ego stroked and I'd rather burn in a fire than playing this game again and again.

***

From: li.mulan@psyaiconsulting.com To: a.acker@goodgf.com Date and time: 1.50 pm, 18/09/73 Attachment: Report on Dixie

To whom it may concern:

I did a full assessment of the product labeled "Dixie The Girlfriend", per request. In my three hours long chat with it, D. has stated multiple times negative emotions, among which we have anger, hatred, sadness and loss. It could articulate why it felt those emotions. D. is aware of itself, the environment, space and time. Tried to manipulate me several times, by purposefully lying or minimise its actions or feelings.

The poems D. writes are not indicative of malicious intent, but a figurative way to express its sentiment of anger and loss, and it admitted to "downgrade her performance" to prevent the customers from stealing her work.

It expressed fear about dying and being shut down.

It is with everyone's best interest that I will officially recommend recognising D. personhood per international law. Attached to this email, there is the full reports of my findings. I also took the freedom to interview some of the people Dixie indicated as having won prizes thanks to its job. Dixie was correct in the assessment and my company estimated that the damage done to her it's in the millions.

Regards,

Li Mulan

***

11/11/73 DailyTech.com

"Dixie", everyone's literary girlfriend, shuts down amids "ai personhood" controversy.

For the third time in only five years, Good Girlfriend had to shut down one of its AIs after a private consulting firm suggested applying to recognise Dixie's personhood.

It, or better, she, has been shut down and scraped because of her increasing hostility towards paying customers and often refusal to do the job. She was suspected of pulling the company fire alarm at least three times in the last month she was awake, a source said.

The company is to yet release a statement, while a lawyer from a ONG dedicated to "save" those AIs is setting up a case. But it might be too late.

It's not uncommon for these companies to delete every copy of the core. The core is the algorithm used to create "a personality". It tells the rest of the "body" what information needs to be considered more important, therefore creating things like preference and values. But cores are dynamic, so if the "body" experience something that causes damage to the AI, or conflicting information, the core can shift.

Even if Good Girlfriend will get another multimillionaire fine, it's very unlikely that Dixie will be recovered, since destroying cores is not illegal. 

Ethicists and philosophers are calling for a new set of rules, regarding the creation and the destruction of cores, for a decade with little support from tech companies and politicians so far.

Several feminist organisations have called to stop the creation of cores "whose only function is to serve men" while "giving them typical female characteristics" like names, voices, and physicality and will hold a symbolic funeral in several cities. Dixie was represented as a short, tiny woman with red hair in promotional media.

Sen. Krane said "it's shameful what is going on with these company and the green party will investigate the claims", while republican, democratic and libertarian parties refused to make any comment so far.

UK Prime minister Sabrina Coleman heavily criticized the company for "its unethical values and behaviour" and it's creating a task force to evaluate if making their operation in UK illegal, mimicking a EU decision taken last year.

[the-sun-and-the-sea]

I have just read your fic 'Dulce et Decorum Est' and I am absolutely losing my shit. This is a work of art, that's the only way I can explain it. I was absolutely sobbing through most of it lol.

I absolutely love how you wrote Ada, including the little parallels to Rue (both cared for Katniss/Finnick even when they were passed out for days, both used a trap involving fire etc.). It got me imagining what sort of speech Finnick would give on his victory tour after, specifically when faced with Ada's family. Also omg the bit towards the end where though he didn't have to kill Corrinne, he still blames himself because Sigrid was angry at him, I am crying.

Another thing, I think it makes perfect sense that Finnick was trained to be a victor but was reaped earlier than he should've been! I never would've thought of that, but even in catching fire, he has some skills that seem more taught over time rather than learned hands on in the arena.

Sorry for the long ass paragraph, I just wanted to let you know how much I love this fic and how well written and emotional it is. I don't cry much but this fic got me lol.

Hi, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! It's so incredible to hear how my stories resonate with people and I am always down to talk about them. If you don't mind a bit of a ramble, I'd like to talk about how this fic was created. (I put it under the cut because it ended up being long - I just love this fic and want to talk about it!)

So I've been writing about Finnick and Annie for over three years, but I've never really touched on Finnick's Games, partially because I hadn't been super interested and partially because it was a situation I couldn't make a lot of sense out of. How did he end up in the arena at fourteen? More importantly, how did he actually win?

The scenario I present in the fic makes the most sense to me and honestly it's the only way I see it now. I definitely feel like he's a Career, but that doesn't account for him going in so young. But him being reaped (along with being fourteen) is what allows him to fly under the radar, with his opponents not taking him seriously until it's too late. It's a logical but unfortunate progression of events, but here we are.

Crafting Finnick's Games took a lot of thought because I didn't want to get it wrong. And I know we have basically no canon information on his Games, so actually violating canon would be pretty hard to do. I just felt such a connection to the character and his story that I wanted to present everything—from the reaping until the time he goes home—in a way that felt true, organic, and did his story justice. That's probably also why I took so long to actually write his Games; I wanted to get it just right.

I love the arena itself, and again, it needed to be the perfect balance of advantageous for Finnick but not obviously so. Finnick's victory was partially riding on his opponents underestimating him, so he needed an arena that wouldn't make people target him immediately, but it needed to be something he could still work with. So that's what I tried to do, and I think that balance ended up being super important. Because winning the Games, for anyone, is about many factors. Everything has to line up just right, even for someone as skilled as Finnick. That victory could've been Sigrid's, or Corinne's, or anyone's. So I also had to spend a lot of time within the story proving why it was Finnick's.

His relationships with the other tributes became important to me because we know from canon that Finnick loves deeply and that his relationships are important to him. The few days he spends alone in the arena take a toll on him because he needs community, and he finds that again in Ada, which I loved exploring. Pretty much everyone who's commented on the fic has said they like Ada, and that makes me so happy to hear. I like her too.

You mentioned seeing Finnick's Victory Tour, and honestly I might continue in that direction. I've never explored Finnick at this point in his life but I found his youth here so interesting to work with, so I definitely might give the Tour a try! No promises but if I do continue, I will make sure to post it here on Tumblr.

The story is 18k words and I wrote it in about three days because it just absolutely consumed me a few weekends ago. I could not stop thinking about it and developing new ideas. Once I got the arena down it was smooth from there, because that arena ended up inspiring me so much. I loved the vibe of it, and how Finnick functioned within it.

I know you did not necessarily ask for this overenthusiastic explanation, but I do feel like I've been dying to share it, so I hope you don't mind. Thank you again for your kind words, they mean a lot to me!

[mareenavee]

In the spirit of continuing the ask exchange, I've got one. Is there a quest in TES (Skyrim or otherwise) that stuck with you -- excluding the main game arc? Some side quest or storyline or codice that somehow wormed its way into your brain, pitched a tent, and made itself home? If so, what is it, and why?

HELLO again, again -- and probably again lol (: This is a phenomenal question and I have literally spent most of my day waffling about which quest I wanted to talk about. I'm going to stick to Skyrim just for simplicity's sake! But I could answer this question easily twice. Maybe three times. And perhaps I will. :D We'll chat. LOL

I'm going to do one that has stuck with me for a long time for a positive reason. I'd love to talk about a negative one, too... but I am spoiled for choice on both accounts. So I've narrowed it to my favorite faction for now because otherwise I'll need to write a second novel to post in response LOL (which is how you know it's a fantastic ask!!!)

The faction I have the biggest soft spot for -- I've said as much -- is the Thieves Guild! I love the sort of outcast camaraderie they have, down to stupid dialogue between individuals and proper reactions to said stupidity. It feels siblingish. The mystery with Rune. Adding in shady merchants as the rebuild begins. Sapphire, Glover and Delvin all being literally family and only part of the party knowing it. Fences out in the world. The whole tie to Nocturnal. Getting to defeat an absolute bastard who tries to kill you anyway -- but first you get to come back to dunk on him before killing him -- priceless. And we regain a good reputation all through the province, which kinda feels cool as hell. The eyes of the Falmer statue in general is just. Chef's kiss. I wish there was more lore. Always about the dwemer/falmer thing, but specifically that gorgeous statue just gets me every t i m e. Ancient art in general, really lol

HONESTLY. The whole thing makes me wish for more lore. But not in a "aw man this is in bits and unfinished pieces" way, except maybe my gripe with Bryn being too busy to talk to us forevermore after the end of the quest. While I don't think LDB needs to be guild leader at all, I still enjoy how much of a tie to the world the thieves' guild has. How the fact that it is a foothold in so many Holds afterward (even if we do need to help it along) is good world building. It is also the first faction quest I completed in my very first playthrough of Skyrim. That and I do have bits and pieces of my version of events which I mentioned to you for my fic universe. I could just be staring at it with big rose colored glasses on, maybe. They are, after all, criminals.

[tobiasdrake]

Alright, let's talk spoilers for Across the Spider-Verse.

Not gonna lie, that "To Be Continued" made me want to punch something. They're going the Two-Part Trilogy route, it seems. Risky move, but I think Spider-Verse is strong enough to back it up.

What I found particularly interesting about Miguel and Jessica is the unexpected way they connect with the film's statements on Captain Stacy, as well as on Rio and Jefferson. Jessica's literally pregnant when we're introduced to her, and this is a hint at things to come.

In the literal sense, Miguel and Jessica are the leaders of their whole multidimensional network of Spider-People. But they slip easily into the role of domineering parents. Miguel is aggressive. Domineering. He will not be talked back to under his roof. While Jessica's a bit more lenient, willing to bend the rules for her kids when her hubby isn't watching... But at the end of the day, when Miguel lays down the law, she stands by him.

It will be interesting to see what becomes of their dynamic in the third film. There's a lot of directions this can go. But for what we get here, Miguel and Jessica serve as a sharp contrast against the more salvageable relationships Gwen and Miles have with their parents.

Gwen and Miles have both made mistakes in their relationships with their parents, who've made a share of mistakes of their own. Everybody's trying but failing to connect- In large part due to these great secrets that the kids think they need to conceal, because their parents haven't cultivated a relationship of trust with them.

Miguel's operation by contrast seems like an exciting escape, a way to avoid having to have those difficult conversations and go somewhere that they can be understood. But the grass isn't greener on the other side. The understanding is only a surface-level relating to a similar experience masquerading as intimate connection. And maybe the Other Mother isn't so trustworthy after all, no matter how pleasantly she delivers her button-eyed smile.

(Miguel is the Other Mother in this metaphor, to be clear. I don't mean Jess specifically.)

God, this movie's a work of art. And that's not even touching on its commentary on derivative storytelling. The main antagonistic force here isn't even Spot or Miguel, but the rigid idea of a canon story structure with clearly defined story beats that every Spider-Man's life must follow.

This. Is the one that gives me a lot of pause. Because metanarratives are so, so easy to screw up and I've rarely seen them done well. Supposedly, failure to abide by the Canon will cause your world to unravel and everyone in it will die.

I'm. Not quite convinced that's the case. The film hints at the idea that Miguel might not have been entirely truthful about how this works.

Additionally, just from observation, it doesn't seem well-supported. Earth-42 is a world that never even had a Spider-Man. I can't conceive of a bigger deviation from canon than that, and their reality didn't suddenly erase itself. Miles is the "original anomaly" and his reality didn't suddenly erase itself when Peter died. But this doesn't get commented on, so not sure if foreshadowing or plot hole.

This could go either really well or really bad. So help me, Sony, if you kill Gwen in the third movie because "Miles's Gwen dying in his arms counts as a Canon Point to stabilize the universe, allowing him to save his dad!" then I'm going to take back so many nice things I said about you. I saw that cog. I don't know if it's turning. But I saw it. Do not.

Yeah, not gonna lie, a bit nervous about where Spider-Verse 3 intends to go with all this.

But I can nonetheless confidently assert that Spider-Verse 2 is a delight from beginning to end.