#And I cant find a feminine name that fits either

[princescar]

DontnamehimYuriDontnamehimYuriDontnamehimYuriDontnamehimYuriDontnamehimYuriDontnamehimYuriDontnamehimYuriDontnamehimYuri

Guys I might name him Yuri...

[softness-and-shattering]

Requisite grouch about the representation of embroidery, particularly in Bridgerton. Season 3, Im just getting to. So I get the point of this little scene is "Eloise is not interested in conventional feminine topics and doesnt fit in with her peers, and we are doing this by showing disdain for embroidery" and I fully get that in the cultural consciousness embroidery is this frivolous nonsense that rich women did to keep busy and isnt worth anything.

But two things. One, as Ive said before, the Bridgerton costuming is full of embroidery, of the kind that has to be machine made. And Im not gonna talk about historical accuracy because I consider the costuming part of the shows premise ie something you just have to accept to enjoy the show because its central. Like you cant enjoy Dungeon Meshi if you have to know how its possible for magic and dungeons to exist, you just have to accept that its part of the setting.

So either the seamstress has a few machines shes using for the lavish embroidery or her cloth is extravagantly expensive beyond all reason. LIke even more than youre already thinking.

And these women are surrounded by it, making their trade with it, its literally built into their fashion. So scorn for it makes zero sense. Second, in this scene in particular at the ball. The dialogue goes, almost exactly:

"Well the leaf stitch is tried and true"

[I think Eloise says something]

"Then theres the running stitch, the straight stitch, the fern stitch, the French knot -"

"What's your favourite stitch Eloise?"

This is not how people talk about embroidery! Its not exciting because of the stitches that exist, its exciting for how you use the stitches and what shapes and textures you can make, and how you manipulate the thread and fabric to create all kinds of interesting effects and patterns. And I fully understand that someone can be bored by that, its not for everyone. Im just mad that their "this is a normal conversation about embroidery" is listing stitching and asking someone their favourite. They could have done something like

"I just learned a new stitch, its called the split stitch, and it has this really cool effect that makes the thread look like its knitted, so Im embroidering my dog with this technique to really capture his fur, and im using French knots for his little beady eyes, and then Im gonna use the split stitch and this gorgeous russet floss to make him the coziest little sweater!"

"Oh my god I do not want to hear another thing about your thread dog and its fake thready sweater."

Thats like, a real conversation someone might have that someone else could find boring, and its respectful - and realistic - to the hobby and craft and art of embroidery! It sounds like something a human might say. Not "here are some stitch names, wait why are you being rude?". Its like imitating a conversation about someones dog like "and he has paws and his paws have nails and then he has knees and then he has two eyes and a tail" thats not how people talk about dogs! you might see "his tail is so waggy, and his eyes are so soulful, and his little feet are the cutest thing, let me tell you a story -". We couldve had a story about an embroidery mishap, that could be funny.

but no we must hold onto old outdated and sexist ideas about things and disdain them for no good reason while our costume department is embroidering everything because lets not examine any of our attitudes about anything!

The worst was still the dressmaker last season complaining about ladies and their embroidery MAAM THATS LITERALLY YOUR JOB. Ok now I can go back to watching for the pretties. And I very much admire Colin's big swooshy coat.

Im also trying to work out if Cressida is sapphic. Eloise and Pen absolutely have "middle grade sapphic friends have strangely intense friendship and then huge strangely intense breakup fight," and looks like Pen is bi, but Im really hoping they properly go into queer themes with Eloise and not just sign her up for a guy later. Also pretty sure the latest Bridgerton this season - Francesca? - is ace. Big ace vibes on her.

Swooshy coat!!

[coveredinredpaint]

hi! my name is rex too and i think thats pretty cool

anyway, i was wondering if you had any tips on dressing feminine but like,,,, also being able to pass? or tips on being confident enough to not need to pass?

heyy that is pretty cool!!

im gonna be honest with you, i never really managed to pass before starting t. there were like 5 times ppl gendered me correctly but after that they immediatly "corrected" themselves. the only person who didnt was a toddler, i hope hes doing great.

all the tips and tricks ppl gave out never worked for me, never managed to figure out why, im thinking it was mostly my voice.

so i got absolutely no passing advice for you, but i can definitely tell you how to work on your confidence and say fuck you to societies ridiculous expectations

(it turned out longer than i distracted, i cant give concrete advice apparently my apologies)

tw: mention of bullying and some mental health stuff but nothing heavy

before i start i will say that it takes time. it takes time to learn and let go of this need to fit in. to learn to do your own thing even if you have to do it alone. to grow and learn who you want to be or are.

first we need to understand that expectations of how we should act or dress or look, whether based on our gender or not, are absolute bullshit. like straight up made up.

step one is kill the cop in your head. every time you judge yourself (or someone else) for something, ask why you care about that. most of the time its cause you have been taught in some way that what youre doing is not according to "the rules". this can be for the smallest things, like when i get really excited and stim about something i used to feel embarassed because "men dont act like that". sometimes i still feel that way. its not something you can just get rid of, so its important to actively affirm yourself that what youre doing is okay and that you are allowed to do what makes you happy.

dealing with yourself is already a hell of a challenge, but other people, that something else. i hope you live in an accepting area and i have heard many stories of people are queer fully accepted for it. but often thats sadly not yet the case. surely isnt for me at my school. there are people who are gonna make you feel like shit, who are gonna call you all the horrible things the voice in your brain calls you too. you are gonna wish you were "normal" sometimes, even if you dont really mean it.

going back to normal? going back in the closet? letting go of the clothes that make my feel better even on the most dysphoric days? fuck no, i finally started to get myself, my life back, im not sacrificing that for some teens whos names i dont even know. so you turn it around, no longer "why do they treat me like that" but "how dare they treat me like that" if they kick you while youre down you better bite their ankles and dont let go. most people who bully people who are "other" are terrified of what they see in us. we are living proof that their belief of how the world should work is very wrong. they call you a fag and a tranny? you better come to school next day in the gayest clothes you own. they call you an emo and bark at you? you better be dressed even more punk the next day. they may laugh at you, yell at you, even record you or push you around. it doesnt matter, they hold no power over who you are.

but please do not try and carry this alone. dont let yourself turn bitter. its is difficult to be treated like shit for simply existing. even when it doesnt hurt as much as it did its still exhausting. find someone to talk to, whether its a family member you trust, a friend, a mental health professional or other queer people online. its important not to suppress your feelings. get them out, by either talking about them or writing or making art or music.

know that its your life and you can live it however the hell you want. be kind to yourseld, be kind to others. if you are not where you want to be to right now you will in the future. cant really call it a life if you didnt live for it. it will get better, you just got to keep going and keep fighting.

[ketchupkio]

I was reading ASAU, and while it is an awesome work (as are the AUs like Faction), its big impact on me were the gender conversations. If someone wanted to further investigate gender and being genderqueer/non-binary, what would you recommend for them? Thank you and I can't wait to see more of these fics soon!

omg thank you????????? omg omg omg????

first (but hardest) part is trying to dissect your feelings a little. it's a complicated process and the results can change over time, but it's worth it to have a good understanding of yourself!!

second, RESEARCH SO MUCH!!!! nonbinary wikis were invaluable to me when i was figuring stuff out. just seeing what other people call gender identities and define them as might be enough to open a door you didn't know existed.

a little background... at 17, i started identifying as non binary bc it was a blanket term that i thought fit best over the complicated feelings i was sorting out, and now at almost 25 i identify with both that AND being a trans man. it was a slow process letting go of femininity bc i was still attached to it, and i was leaving for college and wanted to express myself!! i still find myself in how i dressed then, but now it's more about striking a balance of what i want to present as, what's comfortable, and what's practical for my situation. just go into your gender self discovery journey with the knowledge that you can do whatever you want forever. queer history is full of complicated and contradictory reasoning for gender shenanigans, so pick whatever feels best to you (unless it's like.... being two spirit, which is an indigenous thing and has its own history that i'm not qualified to talk about. but other than closed/cultural things like that, go off!)

third, speak to other trans people!!!! not just people your age either, but old queers! they'll have valuable info and experiences that you cant get anywhere else. and i find reading/watching things about queer history fascinating. all in all, worth the effort for the wealth of knowledge you gain.

fourth, find a good support group that will be gentle and patient with you (and most importantly, AFFIRMATIVE!!!) if you wanna try out new names and pronouns too. ppl need to use your pronouns around you for u to know if you like them. i found the pronoun dressing room super helpful when i was trying to find a neopronoun set that worked for me too!! (i'm very happy with ce/cer, it feels nice, but they/ce/he are all equally me so i encourage ppl to just pick a set if they have trouble switching lol. may not work for you but it does for me!)

have fun and good luck! i hope you have an awesome experience! the road that a trans person walks isn't really easy, but there are a lot of good people to take solace with.

[mrfoox]

The fact i looks/act like a dude 90% of the time but stutters as soon as I'm nervous, scared or embarrassed is really ruining my masculine image

[toko-writing-imagines]

THH girls reacting to their s/o giving them a bouquet of flowers

My overall favorite game (minus udg) and with my favorite girls as well

Anything that has Toko or Syo is my favorite

I might do more of these kinds of mini series, but if you have any ideas then do let me know! (also junko is non-despair if that isn't obvious-)

V3 version | SDR2 version

【Sayaka Maizono】

• This girl probably had mutiple people given her flowers and gifts during her career

• I mean, who wouldn't? Sayaka is a pop sensation, known for her music, and is also super cute

• But you suddenly gifting her flowers? She never felt more special in her life

• So in short, she loved them!!

• Often times you can see her just staring at the flowers and just having those dreamy eyes

• But she would also gift you something in return!!

• Whether it be new clothing, tickets to her newest concerts, candy, or something you been wanting for a while - she'll get it for you!

【Kyoko Kirigiri】

• Don't expect much of a reaction from her

• It's not that she doesn't like it when you give her anything, or whatever your love language may be

• This detective just has trouble voicing her feelings properly, even when it comes to you

• But she takes the flowers anyway

• And you get to see that rare smile on her face, something that can go unnoticed unless you are looking close enough

• Afterwards she'll take the flowers and plant them either outside or is a cute little pots, making sure they get enough sunlight and water

• She smiles once more as she looks at the now planted flowers

• She thought of you

【Toko Fukawa】

• Alot of mixed opinion will be going on in her mind

• One would think about how this is probably some way to soften her before you do something worse

• Another would be swooned because well, you, her s/o who "puts up" with her, is giving her flowers

• But she would begrudgingly take the flowers and say some mean comment out of habit, albeit you don't take any personal offence to it

• Later though, she would end up writing about the interaction while the flowers sit infront of her in a clear vase

• She can't help but feel lucky to have someone as caring like you to be dating someone like herself

【Genocide Jack/Syo】

• Kinda the same with Toko's reaction

• But she just laughs

• Not because she finds anything in particular funny, but because you are giving a literal (former) serial killer flowers

• You laugh with her because you expected this reaction from your girlfriend

• She takes the bouquet, but then messes with it - or more so ruins it

• She laughs again, you just smile

• Maybe flowers arent the best option, but that doesn't mean you won't stop trying until you find the best gift for her

【Aoi Asahina】

• The happiest out of all the girls here

• okay maybe she would have preferred donuts as a gift rather than flowers

• But she cherishes any gift you decide to give her!

• She would give you a bunch of hugs and quick peppered kisses because she's just so happy!

• Would probably proudly carry the bouquet of flowers everywhere with her that same day just so everyone can see what an amazing s/o you are

• Will later talk all about the interaction to Sakura, going on and on while she listens to her rambles

• She waters them everyday right after swim practice, so they can stay beautiful forever!

【Celestia Ludenberg】

• A calm and composed face is what you will receive

• Even towards you, Celeste keeps on her calm facade but that smile you love so much creeps up on her face

• Roses, beautiful roses that match her aesthetic

• She thanks you of course, loving every gift you give her (though is that a lie? you cant tell)

• She plants a kiss on your cheek, as that is your payment for the gift

• May try to incorporate the roses in her outfit, but will most likely use one as like a pocket rose

• It fits her perfectly

【Sakura Ogami】

• You got her two things

• A bouquet of flowers and a cute little cherry blossom bonsai tree

• You may or may not have gotten her the bonsai due to her name

• But she loves the gifts either way, I mean who wouldn't?

• Will definitely ask you to braid the flowers in her hair if you can

• It makes her feel more in touch with her feminine side

• Will also do what Hina did, but vice versa. She will calmly tell her swimmer friend about the interaction and you can bet Hina was super happy for her

【Junko Enoshima】

• Another famous girl who probably recieved a multitude of gifts from her fashion career

• But does that stop you from showing Junko with gifts whenever you can? Absolutely not

• This time, a simple bouquet of flowers

• Oh man did Junko just adore it

• She basically smothered you with gifts and kisses in return while proudly holding your gift in her arms

• She goes all out with anything, and in all honestly, what else did you expect from her?

• This is Junko Enoshima after all

【Mukuro Ikusaba】

• She didn't know how to react

• You been dating Mukuro for a while now, and learned that she tends to appreciate the more simpler things in life

• So you just giving her a bouquet of flowers basically out of the blue, she didn't know how to handle these emotions

• It didn't matter how long you two would be dating. You two can be married and she would still not know how to react to gifts and handling her emotions

• But she loved them, oh did she love them

• Every gift you give her, big or small, makes her feel seen and appreciated

• And you continue with it, giving her gifts and doing many other things to let her know that you appreciate her

❀•°•═══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ═══•°•❀

I kinda tried something new with my writing, idk if you can tell or not but it's there - albeit subtle

Glad to finally finish this little mini series! If anyone has and ideas for more mini series like this then do let me know!!

Take care everyone

~ Mod Toko 💜

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

Im AFAB and heavily questioning my gender. I feel like so much discussion around dysphoria is centered around this very kind of active, aggressive dysphoria that causes you to hate your body, but for me i feel as if im sort of playing the role of a girl? it has its good moments, but i feel like its not me. its this kind of vague feeling thats always there. I cant imagine myself in a relationship as a girl. Only as a boy. Im not sure what i want from this... just to be told its okay? sorry lol

Hey, friend, it’s gonna be okay, alright?

Dysphoria can be hard, but what helps is trying to find the good things in life—train yourself to notice the positives. Even if it’s just little things. Maybe you feel like you’re in someone else’s life, but hey, the sun’s bright today, and there’s a flower on the sidewalk you didn’t notice before, and your friend had a bigger smile than usual, and slowly, bit by bit, you’ll start to be happier, and maybe your life isn’t so bad after all.

And while your life living as a girl isn’t ideal, it’s what you’ve go now, so learn to make peace with it. It isn’t great, but it’s not that bad, hey? 

If you feel disconnected from yourself, try to take a deep breath, and try to find parts of your body, just parts, that you like. Look in the mirror and see your eyes—look at the colours and light and know that those eyes will be lit up with happiness one day, know that your teeth will show again when you smile one day, know your hair looks wonderful in the light, and maybe your hands don’t look too bad, and hey, if you wear a baggy t-shirt, maybe your body all in all isn’t too bad either!

If the room’s too dark, try to focus on the light streaming in from the window and the plant growing through the cement, and slowly, the darkness will begin to fade away.

And, my friend, I know what it’s like to play the role of a girl, believe me, to feel like you’re the actor playing the role of a main character in someone else’s life, when your life hasn’t even had a chance to begin. 

And my advice for that is to make peace with it. You’ll have to play that role for a few more years before the curtains can draw and the actor’s life can begin, but for now, it’s gonna be okay. Take a deep breath and grit your teeth through the misgendering and the days you feel disconnected from yourself, and know that it’s going to be okay. 

Find a way to have a bit of your own life where you can be who you are, maybe with close friends who’ll use the right name, with online friends who’ll always gender you correctly, on discord and tumblr, if the real world won’t accept you.

In regards to gender questioning—just do what makes you happiest and everything will begin to fall into place, I promise you. Take your time, there’s no rush! Whether you never stop questioning or you find a label tomorrow, it’s going to be okay, alright?

Endlessly asking yourself “what am I? What gender am I?” is never going to help, so just—take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay. Do what makes you happy. Maybe using a certain set of pronouns or a certain name makes you happy, or maybe using your birthname makes you happy, maybe masculine clothes make you happy, or maybe feminine ones do! 

Do what makes you happy and don’t worry about labels, just grab the nearest thing that fits like nonbinary or genderqueer or transmasc, or even go unlabelled! Be happy!!

Just, take a deep breath. If the next week seems too hard to face, take things day by day. If the next day seems hard to face, know that if you smile and look for the light, the next hour won’t be so bad. 

I love you. It’s going to be okay, I promise. Take a deep breath and look for the light. It’s all going to be okay.

[wornoutmouse]

Warnings: angst and close call pregnancy

Y'all with all the trama Shiggy got, you know damn well he aint gon be a good daddy right off the bat

Baby daddy shigaraki

You looked at the small pink stick in your hands shaking in fear. "I'm..pregnant." you whimper as the faint lines began to blur from your tears. If it were anyone, absolutely anyone else, then the leader of The Legue of Villains, you would have been fine with taking care of the child on your own. But there would not be a chance of that if he ever found out.

You stand up and run to your kitchen, tossing the pregnancy test into the trash sweating profusely as you glanced into the room your new baby daddy rested in. Different thoughts swirled in your mind about how you could hide this from him. The first few months would be fine but how were you to hide it afterward? Your hands trailed down to your now flat stomach. "I got this." you mutter as you walk to your kitchen pouring you a cup of tea.

An hour later, Shigaraki trails out of the bedroom groggily, hair hanging creepily in his face as he looked at you with piercing red eyes. "Why the hell are you looking at me like that?" he asks making your heart rate pick up ever so slightly. "N-No reason just didn't think you'd be up so early, that's all." Tomura comes behind you and wraps his hands around being careful of his fingers. Even that didn't stop you from feeling faint at how close his hands were to your stomach. 

The first month was easy, you showed little to no symptoms and your stomach remained a normal size. However, that didn't stop you from being paranoid whenever a diaper commercial came on screen. A few weeks after you took the test, you went to the doctors to confirm your fears. "Yes ma'am, it looks to me that you are indeed with child." the doctor said, signing off on a few papers glancing at you, briefly acknowledging your shaken state. "If you're anything to go by, I'd say, either the father doesn't know, or you don't want it." You shook your head, "He doesn't and I don't plan on letting him know." 

The doctor put the clipboard down, "Is this your way of telling me you want an abortion? If that is the route you want to go, I won't judge but this isn't a spur of the moment thing and I want you to be positive you won't be in any danger if someone finds out." You sigh sliding your hands over your scarf-covered hair. "N-No, I think I'll keep the baby, b-but, I don't know what to do." The doctor smiles at you patting your back. "You look like you have a strong head on your shoulders, I'm sure you'll figure it out."

The third month was harder as your bump was finally showing so you could no longer wear your normally form-fitting shirts. Shigaraki had luckily stopped coming around as often due to villain things, something you were grateful for since you could finally give in to your cravings. That plan was soon compromised when Komugiri suddenly materialized on your rather 'indulgent' days. And by indulgent you mean you were propped up on the couch, shirt up, with some ice cream, toast, and two large boxes of french fries. 

"I may have lost most of my human necessities, but I'm sure this amount of eating isn't necessary for normal human consumption." You jump at the sound of his voice, quickly looking around if Komogiri brought someone else with him. "You can't tell him please!" Komugiri looked at you, misty smoke unwavering before a deep sigh erupted from him. "I know not the reason you are keeping this from Tomura, but for now I shall indulge you." You sag slightly relieved. "However." You glared at the misty man. "Now that I know you're carrying the offspring of a sought after villain, I will be checking in on you a lot more. I shall also implement a healthy diet for you and the child."

You groaned at the downright disrespectful amount of joy showing through Komugiri's voice. 

The next 2 months were a game of cat and mouse as you were forced to sneak past Komugiri's watchful eyes to give in to your cravings. "Please! You don't understand, I need a cheese dipped pretzel!" you whined as you were dragged from the pretzel stan by a goon Komugiri had brought along to do the labor for your shopping trip. "Get ahold of yourself young lady, you're causing a scene!" Komugiri reprimanded, truly sounding like a disappointed mother scolding her child. For the rest of the day you pouted, "How the hell are you even sneaking away so much, shouldn't Tomura be suspicious?" 

You would later have to admit that the meals Komugiri prepared, did make up for the food he wrongfully withheld from you. Another good thing that came from the whole ordeal was the doctor visits Komugiri took with you. Although it was rather embarrassing as he stood over the doctor, arms cross watching his every move. "Komugiri, the doctor is washing his hands, I think it's okay." you sigh flipping through a magazine for couches. Komugiri huffed and left the doctor alone, of course after he checked the temperature of the water.

Late in month 8, you were so obviously pregnant that you had developed a large waddle. Something your mother exploited. "Hah! See that's what yo ass get for making fun of me when I was pregnant with your brother!" you'd roll your eyes as you looked at your mother who had now become red in the face with laughter. "That's not fair, this is my first time being pregnant you cant make fun of me!" Your mom scoffed leaning back in her chair, "Girl please. Anyways when am I gon meet yo baby daddy? What was his name? Ziggaraki or whatever?" 

You were quiet for a moment before bursting into tears. "Mommy!!" Your mom looked thoughtfully startled at the outburst. "Girl what the hell wrong with you!" You hiccup and wipe your face, whines increasing. "He doesn't know I'm pregnant, I'm too scared to tell him!" Your mother cooed consoling your the best she could through the screen. "Aw sweety, he does know your pregnant." You wipe your eyes humming in question. "What are you talking about?" 

Behind you, something heavy hit the floor making you quickly swivel around in your chair. There in all his glory stood the man in question staring at you with concealed rage. His eyes stayed at your face before trailing down your body, irises shaking at the sight of your perfectly round belly protruding from the tight confines of your shirt. You swivel back around in your chair cringing at the fear evidently showing on your face. You shiver at the questioning look your mother was giving you but before she could say anything you turn off the video call. 

You shook in your seat refusing to turn around as you heard heavy steps walking towards you. "Turn around." You shook your head squeezing your eyes closed wishing Komugiri was here to help you. You feel the back of the chair bending at the weight being put on it. "Turn the fuck back around Y/N your I will dust this chair." He growls lowly trying to keep some sort of self-control. You refused to move making Shigaraki sigh and do it himself. 

You couldn't bring yourself to look at him so you kept your head-trained down on the floor. 'You're pregnant." Shigaraki wheezed finally letting the realization overtake him. He drops down low to his knees becoming eye level with your belly. "And I wasn't even here for most of it?" Shigaraki became angry making you stiffen and reflexively place a hand over your stomach. Shigaraki doesn't miss this and get's even angrier. "Y-You, hide this from m-me and now you're insulting me b-by acti-ng like I'd actually h-hurt you?!" he screamed at you making your hormones fluctuate from anger to sadness as tears well up in your eyes. 

"This is why Tomura! I didn't know how you'd react! You're not mature enough to handle a baby!" You scream back equally as fears flinching at a strike of pain traveling up your spin at the strain. Tomura chuckled darkly taking a step back throwing his head back in laughter. Giggling as he cards his hands through his stringy white hair and looks at you with a sharp glare. You swallow shallowly, you knew for a fact that a Tomura with a crazed smile was better than a stone-faced Tomura. 

Shigaraki swayed towards you hunched as he took in your fearful features. "Since you're so scared, why don't I make your fears a reality?" The sight of Tomura's hand coming up to your stomach sent you into fight or flight mode. You stand up and grab his wrist, "Look here Lil nigga, I don't care who you are, of how you feel, you not touching my baby." At the moment, you felt on top of the world, until you didn't as you felt something slowly drip down your leg.

Looking down, there was a thick trail of red leaving your genital area. You wail loudly at the sight, legs buckling. Shigaraki stepped away and at that moment, Komugiri materialized next to you. "Y/N!" Shigaraki stumbled, as Komugiri makes a portal and carries your body through it. 'This must be what shock is." you thought to yourself were you layed in Komugiri's arms unable to move as you heard the world pass by you.

There were sounds of frantic yelling and bright lights erupting your vision as you travel from one white room to the next. You were settled on a rather uncomfortable bed as you hear the frantic movement and an incessant beeping noise coming from your right. "Move quickly you bastards or I'll kill you all!" You internally smiled starting to become loopy likely from sedatives. 'Just Tomura being Tomura.' You frowned, 'I hope my baby won't inherit murderous intent.'

'Baby'

'Baby'

'My baby'

You jerk in the bed finally getting a clear head, "MY baby!" you yelled trying to take the needles out of your arms. "Hold her down!" came a feminine voice and you felt a series of hands push down on your shoulders forcing you to lie down. Tears rolled down your face, "My baby!" Shigaraki came near your face, "Y/N it-it'll be fine just....just...just laydown." You had never heard Shigaraki sound unsure of himself and that just angered you more as you gripped the front of your shirt. "You better keep my baby safe your I will ream hell fire on you!" you growled making your quirk startup. "Sedate her!" is all that you hear before your grip was loosened.

The darkness enveloped you and you could only see the worse ahead of you.

You shiver awake breathing heavily before trying to raise yourself off the bed. You were halted by Komugiri's hand. "W-What?" you start off but Komugiri raised a smug finger to his lips before pointing over to the left side of the room. Turning your head you gape at the sight before you. 

Shiagarki, in all his villainous glory, was sleeping in a chair shirtless with a tiny bundle of a blanket over him. "Is that?" You ask looking at Komugiri who nods standing up and walking over to Tomura, carefully removing the bundle of blankets from his arms walking back to you. 

You hear small gurgles and your heart beats faster as Komugiri sets the small weight into your arms. Looking down at the small face of your child, all your problems went away. "Hi there little one." you cooed softly at the child in your arms. The baby had the same dark skin as you but its hair was light blue like its father. "Come on, let mommy see you." you whisper booping your nose against the baby's smaller one making its face scrunch up. 

"Look, Komu, I made this!" you said still sounding slightly loopy. Komugiri chuckled, "You and Tomura are so much alike I see now."

From the other side of the room, Shigaraki jerks in his place standing up and looking franticly around the room effectively disintegrating the armrest. When he makes eye contact with you, he instantly relaxes. Komugiri excuses himself from the room leaving the two of you to awkwardly stare at each other. "So, what happened." you started off not exactly wanting to talk but you knew you had to.

Shigaraki raised his hand to his neck but didn't scratch for some reason. "Preeclampsia, a reaction to stress making your blood pressure go up." You hummed looking down at your infant. "It's so cute." you mumble, "He... it's a boy." Shigaraki chimes in as he gazes at the baby with wide eyes. You smile feeling the waterworks return. "My baby boy."

Shigaraki shuffles awkwardly as he watched you cry silently. "You want..a tissue?" You glare at him nodding. "Can we name him Daku?" Shigaraki hesitantly asks as he brings a box of tissue. "Doesn't that mean Dark in Japanese?" you ask quirking your eyebrow. Shigaraki shrugged, "I mean look at him, he is dark." You look at Shagaraki for a painstakingly long time. "Keep playing with me and I'll name him Komugriri." Shigaraki frowns at that.

"The bastard didn't even tell me and he knew the whole time!" you rolled your eyes at your partner's grumbling. "If you want to call him dark so bad how about...Yami." Shigaraki shook his head, "That's too close to All Might's real name." "I'm not even going to ask how you know that."

You two sit in silence as you gaze at your new unnamed baby. "We can't ignore the elephant in the room Y/N." Shigaraki states putting a hesitant hand on your shoulder. "Ignore what Tomura? about how you caused me to go into labor early. Like threatening to kill both me and our child?!" you said voice raising a bit. Shigaraki looked at you, gears turning. 

There was nothing he could actually say to that for no matter how you could look at, nothing he did was okay. "I...I was scared." You sighed placing your head back on your pillow looking at the tiles above you, wishing that this never happened. "Well, you scared me Tomura." The silence was deafening as Tomura silently gasped, "You know that I would never-" you groan, "No I don't Tomura! I don't know what you would do! Why do you think I hid this from you in the first place!" 

There was no response just as you expected and for some strange reason, that broke you more than getting something half-assed. Small noises bubbled from your arms drawing both your attention to it. "Hey.." Shigaraki mumbled as you slowly watch small slanted eyes open, looking up at you. "His eyes are two different colors Shig." you respond shocked as a perfect little set of brown and red eyes looked up at you. "Cool...c-can I hold him." You playfully glared at Shigaraki, "You had him all while I was sleeping!" 

You name your new baby boy Daiki, Daiki Shigaraki. You of course picked the name since it seemed that all Tomura wanted was a child with a name that represents the darkness inside him, his words not yours. 

I KINDA WANNA CONTINUE THIS

[btsandvmin]

can you tell me what makes you think jk is not straight i mean i agree with taehyung giving the vibe that he is not straight i feel that too sometimes but i don't know not matter how hard i try to think jk isn't straight i cant believe it maybe bcoz of his obsession over iu, he is just shy, since he is my bias i can see he is interested in girls what do you think?

Originally I was going to make a proper post about this, but I don’t think I will, so I decided to answer this. It’s years old by now so I don’t know if you still read my blog. But because this is related to JK I have put it off. Also there isn’t much to go with for any member, for obvious reasons, so it’s of course only me guessing.

As for JK and BTS in general I don’t want to look too much at their sexualities as something “set”. So I keep the thoughts more to myself, even though I have guesses. As for JK I feel he gets more labeled as “straight” automatically because of his looks and the image people have of him, and “vibes” is something I won’t trust in general. For example when I first came across BTS the more flamboyant members for me was Hobi and Jimin, which made them my first “hmm, I wonder if they maybe aren’t straight”. But now, looking beyond just the norms and people’s stereotypes I actually would guess Hobi is one of the more “straight ones”. I also think Jimin has shown less indications of being non straight than both Tae, JK and Namjoon. Jimin is more difficult to read and seems more careful with what he says and does. And personally I just think JK seems to show more interest in men than women, though this is very vague and can have different reasons.

Anyways, when it comes to JK you mention his “obsession over IU” but what about his obsession over G-Dragon, Justin Bieber, Charlie Puth or even Namjoon? Isn’t it you putting different value in similar behaviour? IU is Korea’s sweetheart and it’s not weird to like or look up to her simply as a singer/artist. She is a safe choice as a type, and it’s difficult to know if he would have any attraction towards her. Especially since even if he wouldn’t be attracted to females he still has to pick a type, and thus in general using those replies to questions they have to answer as confirmation aren’t the best. In my opinion JK seems to idolize men more. See the Australian interview where he is supposed to pick a celebrity crush and JK even gets the option to pick Nicole Kidman (Namjoon suggested the answer) but JK says no, and then picks Hugh Jackman first and then changes to Ironman.

For JK I agree he is shy, and I also think he might avoid girls more because he knows how people ship him with everyone as soon as he does anything. So maybe he seems so uninterested simply because he’s awkward. Like in the American Hustle life JK even gets annoyed with the other members for being so interested in the girls and says “grapes above girls”. JK is literally part of many of the most popular ships in Kpop and honestly his image of being some kind of playboy seems completely fanmade from how JK is in fics, and not based much in JK himself.

He is actually much more feminine that most people seem to remember. Even the members have said he is the most feminine amongst them. Using unisex/female fragrances or clothes, saying he likes the feeling of moisturizing his legs, collects make up and is the best at applying it on himself etc. Obviously this doesn’t make him non straight, I just want to point out people like to ignore JK’s softer sides because they have the image of him being very manly. Just like Jimin has the opposite problem of being labeled as very feminine while people ignore some of his very manly sides.

He also seems to right from the start be the member with least negative statments about male and female stereotypes and gender norms. Most members have said things like “Men don’t do that” etc. But I just want to say JK is the one I have seen do it the least. You have jokes when JK has said it like “Men don’t use hand cream” while Jin was using it, and then right after used it himself and Jin says “You’re not a man then” and JK simply smiled.

Either way, back to the actual question I think JK seems to have been a bit avoidant when it comes to questions about ideal girlfriends, what he would do in situations with girls and other similar “date” questions. Sometimes even the other members jump in to answer for him. For me JK is the one in the group who tries to avoid these types of questions the most, and it seems to be more of a pattern than just happening from time to time.

You also have examples of JK using attributes that can be seen as masculine when answering about his ideal type like “fit” or “muscular” or clothes that aren’t particularly feminine.

He’s said that he doesn’t want to get married and the way he swerved the “celebrity crush” question with “i know her face, but I don’t know her name” etc. is just one good example of how he often tries to not answer these types of question at all. Something common in LGBT people to not have to lie is simply to try and not answer these kinds of questions. Basically he has a lot of “cop out” answers or copies what the others have said or something very impersonal.

He also support a lot of LGBT+ artists and though it’s nothing strange and he’s not the only one I think it counts. He sings Fools by Troye Sivan and specifically recommended his Blue Neighborhood series, in particular the last song, which if you watch the video is obviously about a gay couple. Back in 2015, Jungkook shared the song "MEMO" of Years & Years and it’s also a song about a man who is in love with a closeted man. JK also say the lyrics of the songs he listen to are important.

You have his song with Namjoon where he sings “Cause I love you boy”, even though it’s for fans it’s still a love song where he uses boy (and I know it doesn’t have to have meaning, but it’s small stuff like this collected together).

I honestly also think we shouldn’t ignore Golden Closet, even though I know he did literally live in a closet. Again, obviously things like this could be nothing, and there aren’t a lot with any members. They would have to be very careful and obviously can’t say much if they are part of the LGBT+ community, so I don’t think we can find any real proof for any of their sexualities. 

In general I haven’t seen much that point at JK being specifically straight either, so I am not going to assume him to be either. We also need to remember that showing interest in one gender doesn’t mean you can’t also be interested in others (which is why I personally see Namjoon seems to like women, but I still suspect he isn’t fully straight).

There are many small things like this, just how Big Hit or other members show small hints of LGBT+ support and even use things in the story lines or “gay rights posters” in Danger etc. Things you won’t notice unless you look for it. There are many other examples, but I don’t really feel like talking about it much more, especially as it’s focused on JK.

In the end we don’t know and this is my personal guess. I could definitely be wrong, and that’s fine, but at least to me JK seem to lean more towards being non straight from how I interpret him.

Thanks for the ask, and sorry for the very late reply. Some of you might have no interest in this kind of post at all, but I still kind of wanted to get it out of the way. Again, you don’t have to agree, it’s all just different opinions and speculations after all. I hope you all don’t find this post too unfitting for my blog, I promise it’s not something I will talk about a lot. As for about my thoughts on Tae I might talk about that more at some other time. Hope you found this reply ok. ^^’’’

[s0l0b0d0r]

SOME random ninjago hc that is in the RTO au

i wrote a lot of hc that fit the RTO au, not necessarily associated with Future and so here we are 

it’s long so here’s a summary of the HCs, you’ll find them under the cut 

Timetwins childhoods 

 + Kronos HCs (as requested by @moonprincess101)

cyrus HC

Pixal HC

couple other than future in RTO 

EMs and elemental power in general 

Zane & the ICE EM reincarnation 

Morro & Ronin sibbling 

Nadakhan & Dilara 

AGE CHART 

Bonus : Pokemon AU (+ doodles !!)

WARNING : LOOOOONG 

Timetwins childhoods ( + Kronos HCs)  

“Acronix" and "krux" isn’t their birth names, Acronix came up with them when they were younger, as super heroes names after discovering their powers. Krux loved the idea and they kept referring each other as these names. Krux forgot what is original name was, but Acronix still remembers them. i’m guessing that they might use them again after getting back into society

They grew us in a country side village with their mother for a big part of their life, didn't socialized much til their mother passed.  Krux was always overprotective and nix, not having anything else to compare, thought krux directing him was normal. when joining the EMs when the serpentins wars happened, Nix easily became friend with some of the EMs, unlike krux . tho they really did not got along with wu and garmadon 

their elemental power was passed down to them by a Unknown Man whom they never met, as he left before their birth, Kronos :

- kronos was the previous user of the time element, he used it for good, preventing some disaster, saving people’s life, Wu knew him well. 

- tho he was young when he married and didn't know how what would happen to his power after having kids. he took his power for granted and overused them even for simple task. to him , having powers was normal and sounded arrogant when speaking with other EMs or people in general 

.- during his wife pregnancy, he noticed his powers started fading and freaked out, he went to wu, asking for help and learn the truth about what would happen to his powers after his sons where born. he was never seen again afterward. 

when wu met krux and acronix, he knew they were related to kronos , but when asking them about their father , the twins would not reply and looks uncomfortable 

- his personality shifted rapidly afterward, without powers he went mad, more aggressive, salty, self centered 

Cyrus HC

- Cyrus grew up taking inspiration from DR. julien work to build his own tech, he never really expected to become so popular later in his life and sometime feels overwhelmed by it .

- Cyrus is a billionaire, and donate to charity all the time , ninjago doesn't seems to have any problems beside villains attacking time to time, you can expect rich people of the world to be actually helping RIGHT ?

- Cyrus isnt paralyzed, i imagine him more having weak legs motor control that dont support his body weight enough to let him stand, if he did, he would feel dizzy very fast, (this is heavly based on this HC )

it has some hint in the show, but you dont wanna mess with cyrus, he can be agressive toward people that bother him or his loved ones, he will not hesitate to fight the best way he can ! 

Pixal HC

- pixal was a project he worked on for YEARS, but she was only fully finished at the beginning of S3

- pixal was built to be gender neutral, until she told her father that she wanted to be seen as feminine , and he loves and support her

- pixal is very polite and usually call people by title, unless she knows them personally, she would never call cyrus by anything else than “father”

- when she first got in contact with people other than her father, she found them fascinating, and specially zane, knowing that he was a nindroïd like her.

- she used to have a crush on zane that for a while, felt mutual, until she got dismantled .. she was glad zane found a way to keep her around but as time passed, the lack of physical body, zane becoming colder with her afterward , and him getting closer to cole after the event of S4. made her loose interest, they were living as one but she missed being herself 

- ronin was the one who dismantled her, after he captured zane, pixal tried to defend her friend but got destroyed, ronin used part of her body to repair his own . his left arm being partially made from pixal Original body

- she took inspiration from nya’s samurai X mech to build herself a new body 

- in the process she developed feelings for nya. like zane earlier in her life, she felt like it was mutual but she isn’t sure the relation is working out, nya and her are spliting and getting back together every month or so

-she is an hopeless lover and tend to crush on anybody that express kindness to her 

Couple other than future in RTO

RTO mainly focus on future, but also : samurai, Glacier, Scruff  and A BIT of jaya , in general, the ninjas (minus lloyd) are pretty much all in open relationships with one another and it’s mostly just polyninja but main focus on samurai and glacier  

EMs and elemental power in general

- EM lives longer that other people , roughly 120~ years instead of 80 , and that even if they lost their powers

- being an EM can be either genetic or Given .. Powers can be passed down only two ways : a Em can have a kid and during pregnancy, the element will start fading until the baby is born, element will take time to developed in someone’s body , it roughly take 10-15 years for someone to discover their power. however this process inst guaranteed, and some EM’s kid can be born without powers, this is usually the case when only one of the parent is a EM, in case a EM have more kids than powers (eg. twins) the power will either splits up, or one of he kid will be born without powers 

- the second option is strong bound, if a EM is dying (or dead) without kids or non of their kids inherited their powers , they can choose a Vessel .. it can be human, creature or any sentient being. 

- taking someone’s power away by force CANNOT happen, it’s BULLSHIT.. wu and garmadon simply blocked krux and acronix powers, they are still considered EM and if they wish to, can pass down their powers to someone else , who WILL be able to control it (tho since the power Split up, nix can only pass down slow and forward power) after that, the time blade will lose their powers.

Zane & the ICE EM reincarnation

for his HC i’m going to call the previous ICE EM “simon”  i cant remembrer who named the Ice EM simon, if you know it please lemme know !  i love it tbh

-julien and simon knew each other very well, they were Close friends 

- simon knew that julien loved making machine and heard about a new project "zane" a robot that could protect people that could protect themselves, julien loved zane like his son . later in his life after the serpentine wars , simon feeling old, wanted to pass down his elemental power to someone before passing away, and thought julien was perfect, after all they knew each other, but he changed his mind and decided to pass it to zane instead. He touched zane heart and after that, he slowly lost his powers till he passed . neither zane nor julien knew about it, but by freezing his heart, it gave him a part of his soul ( 9 STYLE) ,  a unusual but strong power source to zane, the elemental power of ice and changed his behavior a bit 

Morro & Ronin sibbling HC

Morro and Ronin are brothers , morro is the oldest and inherited the wind power, unlike ronin. 

ronin loved to provoque people and overall was a little brat. one day with morro, he annoyed a citizen of Stiix, that will later be known as “soularcher” that decided to curse him and his brother 

Morro was terrified and fleed, he eventually decided to join wu’s monastery , who adopted him. morro was sure that becoming the green ninja of the prophecy would make him a hero and lift the curse on his soul. he was even more devastated to learn that wu was wrong

on his own ways ronin tried his best to fix his mistake growing up , without much success. falling into robbery, con artist, failed marriage and alcoholism 

when morro came back as a ghost, he felt guilty and wanted to fix his mistake but he finally had people like nya and dareth (whom he met at a bar and chatted with him when he was sad) that cared about him and decide to fight for good for once 

Ronin had a wife and a daughter a WHILE ago, but lost them . his daughter was roughly the same age as nya and she remind him of her 

Nadakhan & Dilara

Dilara and nya are related

Dilara and captain sotto knew each other (family related ;;; OR she was cheating on nadakhan idk but either way she cared about him too )  and she help sotto capture nadakhan and his crew but made a mistake and got killed in the process

Dilara was just there to use nadakhan for his powers but nadakhan wanted her for his infinite wishes so I GUESS THEYre a good pair ???

AGE CHART 

BONUS : Pokemon AU for no reason but i’m happy of them 

THERE IM DONE BYYYYYYYYE 

[hotoffthepressfics]

Broke But Not Broken

MASTERLIST

Part I

Previous | Next

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Word Count: 2,629

Summary: The Reader escapes a horrific past. She meets new friends, but will she be able to trust them?

Warnings: Angst, implied physical and sexual abuse.

Inspiration/Chapter Soundtrack:

“Broke But Not Broken” - Artist vs Poet

“All The King’s Horses” - Karmina

A/N: My first fic ever. Still not complete but I’m going to finish writing this out and post it before I post anything else. ❤️❤️❤️

The Greyhound bus lurches to a stop, the massive vehicle hissing as the brakes are released. You jolt awake grasping the cracked seat in front of you for balance. Panic laces itself around your heart as your sleep addled brain attempts to orient itself.

Where am I?

You glance up at the message board and watch as the destination slowly loops across the screen.

3765: Brooklyn, Smith St.

Okay, so you’d made it to... Brooklyn? Isn’t that the stop you’re supposed to get off at? You run shaky fingers over your mussed braid of hair. The tight denim skirt you are wearing didn’t have pockets so you had resorted to keeping the ticket in your bra.

Trying to discreetly pull it out, you pull the slightly crumpled ticket out and check the city name on it. Yes. Brooklyn.

Clenching the ticket in your hands you get up and stumble towards the front of the bus. You keep your head down low, walk down the steps and onto the dark street outside. You stall, unsure of what to do now. Other people getting off the bus try to move past you, some pausing to glare or give you disgruntled looks. One elderly man nudges you between the shoulder blades.

“Get a move on, girl!” He grouses.

Startled, you shuffle to the side and out of the way as the remaining passengers exit. There is a chill to the night air. You shiver and hug your arms close to your body. The short sleeved, rather revealing blouse did nothing to protect you from the elements. Neither did the skirt. The ill-fitting, borrowed sneakers you wear are beginning to pinch now that you are standing instead of sitting in the bus chair. You didn’t care. You were finally beginning to feel it.

Freedom.

You breathe in deeply, hold it in for a moment, and release it. The air reeks of motor oil, stale cigarette smoke, and urine. It should bother you as it probably would most people. You watch the passengers as they head off to the depot or parking lot, some meeting family you supposed, others alone.

You began to follow where most of the people went, walking apprehensively down the sidewalk and passed the depot. The noise of the buses rumbling and faint talking gave way to more urban sounds.

Cars drove by, brakes squealed, a police siren is either coming or going from where you are. You weren’t too sure. Someone was throwing trash out in an alley as you walk by, causing you to jump when something like glass broke once it hit the bottom of the dumpster.

You’re beginning to shiver again, although this time it wasn’t from the cold. You had initially been elated stepping off that bus. However, getting on and off that bus had been your only goal in the wee hours that morning. You had left with two hundred dollars, now a little less than that after purchasing the bus fare.

You had no idea where to go from here or where to stay. You were safe only in the sense that you were miles away from where you ever wanted to be again.

There came a faint sound of a woman laughing. You lift your head up and see a small cluster of women, all in various revealing apparel, watching disinterested as cars pull up to the curb. You halt as one of them came up to a sedan and stuck her head in to talk to the driver. They had a short exchange and then she opens the passenger door and gets in. The sedan drove off with its newest occupant. You falter, attempting to decide if you should continue walking ahead towards them as you were doing or to turn and go another direction.

In your contemplation you didn’t hear the man’s foot falls coming up behind you.

“Hey there, sweetheart. How much to spend the night here with yours truly?” The man sidles up to you and snakes his arm around you middle.

You squeak and try to shove him off. In your attempts to extract yourself the man adjusts you in his arms until your facing him.

“Aw c’mon babe. I ain’t gonna bite ya... much.” He winks and guffaws, the acrid scent of beer and halitosis making you want to gag.

Balding and sporting about a day’s worth of beard growth the man gives you a particularly nasty, yellowed, toothy grin. He’s a good foot and a half taller than you, and although he didn’t look strong, as the spare tire around his middle suggested, he certainly has a vise grip on you.

You whimper and shake your head, wanting to scream the word ‘no’ but it feels like your throat is closing off. You gasp in short bursts trying again to shove him away.

No, no, no. This can’t happen again. This won’t happen again.

The man began to pull you further down the nearest alleyway. He backs you up to the rough brick wall and begins to paw at your breasts. You screw your eyes shut and try to push him back, placing your hand against his jaw and forcing his head back. He ducks and peppers your neck in kisses. You feel him slide something between your cleavage and hear the unmistakeable sound of a zipper. His hand trails up your thigh, under the skirt. The tightness in your throat finally snaps.

“NO!”

You rear your hand back and swing it out and across his face in a satisfying slap. He stumbles back, releasing you and clutching the side of his face. Your fingers claw the brick behind your back as you gasp out sobs.

The man stares wide-eyed at you, pulling his hand away from his cheek. Blood collects in the corner of his mouth. He reaches back up to swipe at it and looks back at his hand. When his eyes snap up to you all the drunken humor is gone.

“You bitch! What’s the matter with you?! I paid ya, didn’t I?! Now I’m gonna get off-“ he comes at you again. You cry out cowering against the wall as he grasps a fistful of your hair.

You shut your eyes again and wait for the pain to begin... but nothing comes. You hear a loud thwack and the man’s hand loosens its grip in your hair. Strands of your messed up braid fall across your face as you look up to see the man doubled over with a slim, dark woman standing over him, a rather large handbag slung over one of her denim clad shoulders. Her pose exudes confidence and power, as does the crystal studded bustier under a cropped denim jacket. A form-fitting, hot pink, latex mini skirt is wrapped around her hips ending in long, cocoa colored legs.

“I do believe the lady told you no. And when a lady says no, she means it.” She says in a feigned high feminine voice. She turns and walks away when the man rolls to his side and mutters,

“Bitch..”

The woman whirls around and gives a swift kick to his groin with her stiletto heel. His groans double in volume.

“Who you callin’ bitch?!” The woman’s voice drops several octaves into a decidedly masculine voice.

She adjusts her cropped jacket and slings the handbag back over her shoulder. The woman glances down at you and offers her other hand. You hesitantly accept it with trembling fingers. Your eyes dart from her back to the moaning man on the ground.

“Now honey, if your gonna take a man’s money and then stiff him on the goods you gotta learn how to make a quick getaway.”

You gape at her, eyes wide and glassy. You shake your head vigorously attempting to force words out, but you could feel the words stick in your throat before they made it out of your mouth. She studies you for a moment. Eyes narrowing, she asks, “You ain’t from around here are you babygirl?”

Again, you can’t manage more than a shake of your head. The woman takes another appraising look.

“Word of advice? Dressing like… that will send the wrong message to folks ‘round here.” You look down at yourself and hunch forward, trying to cover as much of yourself as you can. The wind picks up and you shiver.

“Well then,” the woman says as she struts back down the alley. She turns on her heel and cants her head towards the street. “time to put you in some new digs hun.”

•••

Cici, as you learn is the woman’s name, takes you to a local thrift shop to find more suitable attire for the late fall weather. The store clerk looks a tad disgruntled as the two of you stroll in ten minutes to closing time. However, he doesn’t seem too put out as CiCi begins to pile some shirts, pants, and coats into your arms. Guess he can’t pass up a chance to make a buck. Every now and then she pulls out a top, clicks her tongue, then holds it up to you for inspection. Sometimes the shirt goes into the pile, other times back on the rack.

As far as you could tell CiCi was by all accounts physically a man, but for the present time wished to be viewed as a woman. You wonder a bit as to why being near her wasn’t becoming a stressor when the man in the alley and even the store clerk were making you want to crawl into a hole and hide. Perhaps it was because all she seemed to want from you was to have a dress-up doll.

Another pair of pants make it into the pile. Did she have a hobby of picking up random people and making them shop with her?

“Alright baby,” CiCi turns back to you as you make it down the small aisle of clothing racks and towards the back of the store. Situated between a men’s hat display and a small section of woman’s scarves sits a makeshift fitting room. Which was simply PVC pipes connected together and black fabric looped around all sides. She parts the fabric and stands by, “go on ahead and try them on. See what you like.”

You shuffle passed her into the small space. CiCi lets the curtain fall behind you. Inside there’s a full length mirror propped up against the back wall. Next to the mirror stands a small, fold out chair. You discard the pile of clothes onto it, a few errant pieces falling onto the floor. Slowly, you glance towards your reflection.

It had been a while since you’d seen yourself in full. Sure you could look down at your own body and had occasion to see your face in mirrors before, but this was the first time since your life had become the horror it had been for the past three years. In the stark fluorescent light of that shop it was like you had finally awoken and could see clearly. It was as though you looked upon a stranger. You were much thinner and paler than you could ever remember. Even the structure of your face seemed wrong. Much too boney and sharper; too dark circles ringing your eyes. They looked alien, much too round and large. You look back into your reflected eyes and see… nothing. No life. Just a defeated, broken thing that was barely clinging to life by the fingertips.

You stifle a sob that threatens to break from your lips. Reaching down and picking up a discarded dress from the store floor you drape it over the mirror. It wasn’t long enough to completely cover but at least now all you can see is the lower half of your legs and feet. Taking a moment to steady your breathing you start to try on the clothing. You find disrobing difficult. Hard to make yourself feel vulnerable in a foreign place when that was all you’d known for so long. Yet, you knew you didn’t want to remain dressed in the clothes that he picked and forced you to wear.

Bolstering your courage you quickly shuck the blouse and skirt off your body and sift through the pile, looking for what will cover you the most. Thankfully, CiCi had snagged rather modest clothing. You try on a series of long sleeved shirts; a few that you rejected for being too low cut or falling off the shoulder. The pants faired better though most were too long and went past your feet. You bent and rolled up the cuffs, satisfied when they reached just to your ankles.

After trying on everything CiCi had given you, you settled on three of the long sleeved tops, two lightly worn jeans, and a tan trench coat. Opening the curtain you meekly shuffle out in one of your newly chosen outfits. You knew you probably needed to take the outfit off in order to purchase it but you just couldn’t bring yourself to change back into the clothes you’d come in. They remained in a crumpled heap with the other clothing.

With one long finger hooked under her chin CiCi assesses the outfit. After she finishes her inspection of you she nods her head once.

“Now don’t you look as pretty as a picture? Shall we go on ahead and buy these and get outta here?” You dip your head low and roll your shoulders forward. CiCi tsks.

“Oh honey, none of that now. We’re gonna have to work on that.” You flush, and hunch over even further. Cici merely shakes her head and begins back down the aisle to the front. As you follow her you glance up to the racks of clothing. Among some of the shirts labeled large you notice a light gray cable knit sweater peaking out, warm and inviting. You pause for a moment then set your items down and reach for it. It feels soft and thick. Pulling the sweater off its hanger you put it on. The woolen quality made it feel a little heavy, but that brings you relief. You feel… safe. This too would make it out with you. When you reach the cash register you hand over the clothes in your arms to the clerk.

The clerk eyes your attire with suspicion, as though you would try to make off with something without paying. He quickly glances towards CiCi, who simply reaches over and commenced plucking the tags off everything you now currently wearing. You tense a little as she does so. Finished, CiCi places the tags upon the counter between you and the clerk one eyebrow quirked in challenge.

The muscles in the clerk’s jaw twitch but he begins scanning the tags. As he totaled everything up you realize you’d have to get your money out to pay. Money that was still tucked away in your bra. You turn to begin fishing out the bills when he clerk says how much it all cost.

“Don’t worry baby, this one’s on me.” You look back over your shoulder and watch as CiCi drops the money into the clerk’s expectant hand. You marvel at her, standing there stupidly as the clerk hands you a plastic bag with your things. Suddenly a lump begins to form in your throat making it hard to breathe. Tears make your vision swim. CiCi pats your arm and rubs it soothingly.

“Now, now. There’s no time for all that nonsense. I am starving. Let’s you and I go get us something to eat.”

So you and CiCi once again make your way out onto the street. Your new clothes, the first real possessions you’d had in a long, long time, in tow.

EVERYTHING TAGLIST:

@booktvmoviefangirl @lowkeybuckyb @prettyyoungtragedy @mrsdaamneron @xxashy999xx @c-ly-g @coal000 @rroguebones @ghostlyrose2 @part-time-patronus @emelielwh @peaceinourtime82 @buckysforeverprincess @geeksareunique @amnahs9695 @v-2bucky @scarlet-skywalkers @lokilvrr @thisismysecrethappyplace @sacre-bluhm @tatertot1097 @until-theend-oftheline @amoonagedaydreamer @marvelouspottering

BUCKY BARNES TAGLIST:

@bloodiedskirtts @igotkatiepowers @misplacedorphan @superwholockwannabe @moonstruckhargrove @ladysergeantbarnes

BBNB TAGLIST:

@imaginecrushes @that-bearshark @jademox @theraputicwritings @marvel-fanfiction @aubri1313 @xcriminalmastermindx @regulusirius @ghostlyrose2 @jacquelineisawkward @lostinspace33 @directionerfae @rainbowkisses31 @marie-is-in-the-dark @msgrungie @mrsbarneswillseeyounow @getmedeacon @owhatshername1 @drunkinthemiddleoftheday @mizzzpink @aveatquevale- @sweetlydecaf @absolukeyrh

[fishfem]

i want to express how i feel, i hope thats alright. i am a lesbian who is quite gnc aesthetically. i just cant be any other way. i know that the wider world sees me as the woman who looks like a boy. this is what makes me comfortable and i am happy in this space but i wish i fit into some community. i dont think i am butch in manner, so i struggle saying im butch. i know i would fit in fine among trans men- many look and act like me. its harder tho to find women who look and act like me?

of course its alright to express how you feel. i honestly relate so much. sure im androgynous, and since im a woman that gets perceived as masculinity even though its really just the lack of femininity, but im not really,, really butch. im butch in the straight world, not in the lesbian world. so i relate.. but not entirely. and with transmen.. theyre the only gnc females i tend to ever see. it sometimes feels like we are a dying race. but really, its just because gender is stricter than ever. women who are even the slightest gnc feel pressure to identify out of womanhood, reinforcing the idea that to be a woman is to be conforming and feminine. it feels... lonely. it feels lonely to see people like you say they arent like you, and to see everyone else be as little like you as possible. its so lonely. but youre not alone. and just because youre only able to find others like you among trans men doesnt mean you need to be one; it just means that theres more gendered pressure, to either conform or reject womanhood. you dont have to do either. youre okay how you are, i promise. there is others like you out there, even ones that dont try to identify out of being a woman. its hard to find them, but theyre there. im here; many others are, even if you cant see them around you. its lonely business, but youre not truly alone. see if you can find some actual lesbian spaces. the population will be older, but theyll take you under their wing and there will be more casually non conforming women. perhaps not as much as you, perhaps not in the same way. but something like you. and dont reject the sameness you feel around trans men either; they are like you, even if they use a different name. the only thing is, dont let them bully you for being a gnc woman. to many trans men, a gnc woman is their worst nightmare because they know deep down its what they are; so sometimes they lash out. but they can also be really aware. they can also be good friends. they can understand a lot of what you feel. treat yourself kindly, and know nothing is wrong with you.

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E14 Poll Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 355 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

RATE THE EPISODE 346 Responses

Despite some negatives about the animation of this episode, 87% of the fandom enjoyed it overall, giving it positive votes!

Animation's not movie quality, but damn it was a good episode

I think it lacks some kind of tempo: some moments are stretched out, others are too short.

Could've been paced better, better music choices, less cgi roof shingle focus and could have cut the thunder spear flashback or at least have shortened it... but it didn't look terrible. Although, I wish the fight had a bit more "weight" to it, with moments such as eren punching reiner ( "This is the place where I once called home!" )

Loved it!

Reiner Vs Eren looked a bit stiff, but overall it was a great episode.

The mUSIC WAS SO BOMB

IT WAS SO GOOD I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE WIT NEVER CEASES TO IMPRESS

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 346 Responses

Levi agreeing to fight the Beast Titan was the winner in this category with 31.5% of the vote. The Thunder Spears in action come in second place and Levi sassing Erwin in third.

Levi the madman not losing any of his sass

Liked Erwin’s monologue

Reiner and Erwin’s inner monologue was pretty nice in this episode imo. I like the manga just as much as the anime but hearing their voices in the anime, especially Erwin’s, made those scenes heavier and much more real to me.

Hange looked amazing!

WEAPONRY! It's the way to get it done! WEAPONRY! It's effective and it's fun!

WHO DID YOU FIND YOURSELF ROOTING FOR MORE? 346 Responses

With the 81.8% of the votes, Eren was getting the majority of cheers from the fandom, while only the 18.2% were rooting for Reiner. 

Seeing Anime people hating Reiner hurts my feelings. Specially because it will take a lot of time until we see the Marley arc  

WHICH SIDE OF THE WALL WOULD YOU RATHER BE ON? 345 Responses

89.3% of respondents agree that they’d much rather be inside of Shiganshina facing off with Reiner than dealing with the threat of the Beast Titan.

STRATEGY MAPS: WHO DID IT BETTER? 345 Responses

This question has a more equal response, with 54.2% of the fandom believing that Isayama did it better with the Strategy Maps while the 45.8% preferred WIT’s animation of it.

HOW MUCH DID YOU SYMPATHIZE WITH ERWIN AS HE REFLECTED ON HIMSELF? 348 Responses

33.3% of the fandom sit directly in the middle between sympathizing with Erwin and feeling that he needs to shoulder the responsibility of his decisions, while 28.2% of respondents truly sympathize with him.

Erwin's speech was the moment I was holding my breath for in this episode, and it was done justice. Not as impactful to me personally as the manga version, but justice done. And that's all I'm asking for.

That look on dead!Mike's face... It was revolting, because real, alive Mike would never have looked at his best friend like that. And that just tells us how terrible Erwin's own perception of himself is... God, he deserves a hug. :'(

HOW MUCH DOES IT HURT TO SEE THE 104TH ATTACKING REINER? 347 Responses

This answer had a lot of relatively equal votes! About 40% of respondents overall didn’t feel too badly about the 104th attacking Reiner, while 23.3% of the fandom felt neither sad nor happy about seeing the 104th attacking Reiner.

104 kickin ass?!?! bless the lord?!?!

If I was anime only I would be happy seeing Reiner's suffering. But as a manga reader I felt a bit of sadness when I saw him being attacked by the SC.

RATE HOW WELL THE ANIME ADAPTED THE CHAPTERS OVERALL: 347 Responses

The fandom seems very pleased with the adaptation of chapters 75-76, with 49.3% ranking it at a 4, while 36% of respondents gave it a 5.

I was so looking forward to Erwin's reflection moment, especially the scene in which he stood on top of all of the corpses. Really well adaptated, just as I expected it to be (even though it was better in the manga, maybe because it was my first contact with it)

Great, faithfully adapting some aspects from the manga, but still the quality should've been a lot better. I hope WIT would rise the standard bar in the future episodes. Overall, it was satisfying to watch.

WERE YOU SATISFIED WITH THE ADAPTATION OF EREN VS. REINER? 347 Responses

Overall the fandom gives the adaptation a pass, with 64.6% of respondents feeling it went about as expected, while 21.3% believe that it was worse than their expectations. The remaining 14.1% felt it exceeded their expectations.

IMO they really could've done better with the OST in Eren vs Reiner fight.

Eren vs Reiner could've had better music to fit the scene. It was a little generic?

Although the adaptation of the Eren vs Reiner fight wasn't as good as I was expecting, I still enjoyed the fight. Definitely wasn't as disappointed as a lot of other people are. I just hope they do my Boi Bert justice next episode.

HOW PUMPED WERE YOU TO SEE PIECK’S TITAN UP CLOSE? 348 Responses

As expected of Pieck! With a slight winning edge, 36.8% are hyped for best girl, while 36.5% feel that WIT captured the eeriness of her titan perfectly! 10.6% felt she looked very cool.

I RABU MY CUTE WIFE PIKU

This design fits her more than the initial one Isayama did back when he wanted to have a middle aged man instead of Pieck. So yeah, I like this one more.

I feel like the Cart Titan looks more feminine than it does in the manga.

It'll be very surprising if she suddenly talks or makes a short noise in the anime version lol

Cart Titan might be my favorite character design of any anime, cartoon, or show. She’s just as beautiful here as in the manga.

They made the eyes more feminine. But it clearly resembles Pieck

I’ve been waiting so long for this I’m satisfied and excited af :’)!!!

GIVEN WHAT HAPPENS LATER, DO YOU THINK ERWIN’S PLAN WAS A GOOD ONE? 347 Responses

64.6% of the fandom feel that Erwin’s plan is the best decision they could have made, while 16.7% feel that while the plan was good, there may have been better options.15.9% are still not sure of the answer.

I don’t even know my own name anymore

This episode really cemented the fact that Erwin never stopped caring about his dream to find out the truth of the world and that Levi made the wrong choice.

Erwin no

DO YOU FEEL THAT ERWIN’S REFLECTIVE MONOLOGUE HAD THE SAME WEIGHT AS IT DID IN THE MANGA? 344 Responses

Erwin’s self-reflection is an emotional part and adds important weight to Erwin’s character! 56.1% of the fandom thinks that the scene was as good as they remember it in the manga, while 25.3% were more deeply impacted by WIT’s rendition of the scene. 18% felt that it could have been done better.

I WAS NOT READY FOR ERWIN'S MOUNTAIN OF CORPSES I DID NOT KNOW IT WOULD HAPPEN SO SOON AND IT CRUSHED ME

WIT does action well, but character moments not so much. The mountain of corpses was almost too big imo. Somehow it had more impact in the manga. Making things bigger and more extreme doesn't necessarily make them more intense in terms of emotional impact.

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE ANIMATION AND SOUND EFFECTS OF THE THUNDER SPEARS? 345 Responses

Well over half of the fandom were pleased with the animation and effects of the Thunder Spears. We’ve been waiting a long time and it seems the vast majority of us were not disappointed! :’)

seeing some of the thunder spears in action made their function and operation easier to understand.

YAASSSSSSSSSSS!!! THUNDER SPEARS MAH BOISSS!!

Oh man I did not expect the thunder spears to make those high-pitched squeals but it was actually amazing

Thunder spearsssss

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 347 Responses

With 44% of the vote, manga readers are most looking forward to seeing the Bertl Bomb™! Following behind that at 23% is seeing Marco get eaten by Araki Titan, and 17% of respondents are looking forward to Armin and Bertolt’s confrontation.

I'm REALLY looking forward to watch Marco's death (even though they already showed it in the Lost Girls OVA) and the flipping Serumbowl, which will be epic "

really good cliffhanger, left me uhhhh,,, hung

BERTPISODE WHEN

The ending scene really hyped me up for what's coming

Can't wait to see the corps get obliterated by rocks

GIVE ME THE BIG SWEATY......... LET ME ENJOY HIS LAST ANIMATED MOMENTS :(

These week long waits keep getting worse

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

WHERE’S MY MOBLIT? THEY CAN’T JUST KILL HIM OFFSCREEN WITHOUT EVER SHOWING HIM! :(

Seeing Anime people hating Reiner hurts my feelings. Specially because it will take a lot of time until we see the Marley arc

It was so so slow. I mean I loved every second of it but it was painfully slow, they showed every characters thoughts. Not a bad thing, but not good either idk. I guess it has to build up the tension before the battle.

Does Hanji get prettier with each passing episode?

Needs more Sawano

Aside from the slow/awkward reiner vs eren fight, the animations were honestly sO amazing! the smooth ODMG animations and the Thunder Spears—even down to Reiner sliding back down the wall; it was verryy impressive! In addition, the pacing is honestly perfect and it draws out quite the tension and emotion! Loved it!

I remember reading Eren saying "This is where I...where we..once called home! I'm taking it back!" in the manga and I was like "YES! DO IT!!" but in the anime it didn't have that feeling. Not to mention that the OP had a better punch animation than the actual episode? The second half of the brawl felt more in tune (probably helped by the music that carried from Erwin's part of the episode).

I hope there are gonna be as little changes as possible. WIT butchered one arc already, let's hope they won't repeat those mistakes.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 331 Responses

Thank you to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again in a few days! 

[chimcharstar]

1-50 ho

you got it ho

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. ive been Purchasing various smelly candles for my gay divination activities, and i have a few nominees. i first thought of the candle i have now, a pink one with a very sweet vanilla smell, i love very sweet smells because it makes me think of candy which i tend to try to fill my inner void with. however im going to go with the first candle i bought, a dark orange one with a citrus smell. citrus scents are my next favourite and specifically this one reminded me of curiously smelling candles at my piano teachers apartment when i was very young. 

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

idk. ive been listening to her lion king stuff lately. dont judge me i needed to hear remixes of lion king music i was lost in that sauce in high school. and i just think shes neat. i dont think she would aggressively make me feel bad about everything, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

Look……. i really don’t know???? what is the criteria?? do they need to be like my siblings? dare i criticize my arguably criticizable siblings by picking out my ideal siblings? if i pick an ideal sibling, what does that say about what im lacking in my life? do i pick celebrities i hate so theoretically my family shames them into becoming silent and self-defeating

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?

50. i think im going to have to figure myself out for a long time, and achieve some personal goals first. thats my excessively confident prediction and PERHAPS educated guess

5. Do you know a hoarder?

nnnnnoooooooo????? not a real, cant function because of hoarding hoarder. i can see in a few family members, including myself, liking to hang onto things that maybe become sentimental/unnecessary clutter but that sounds like something many non-hoarders experience?

6. Can you do a split?

lemme try one sec

NO

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

Idk maybe 7? Or 11? i think my parents taught me at a children age and then i started biking for fun like, later, like pre middle school?

8. How many oceans have you swam in?

1. i dont really remember swimming in an ocean but i may have faded childhood memories of salty water and seaweed

9. How many countries have you been to?

2… i went to idaho for a band trip… my dad really doesnt like travelling

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

HAHAHA

NO. ACTUALLY YES. but its funny because the specific brand of christianity we are supposed to be is super pacifist so ive heard. but then i remembered one dude apparently who joined the us military?????? it seemed like it was… an unusual choice. i dont really know anything else about this guy, not even his name

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?

🙏 *inhale* buddy. oooooohhffffff i want to say something gender neutral honestly. i dont want to rock the boat being unconventional or something but im just thinking of all those years trying to live up to a feminine name

12. What would you name your son if you had one?

same i guess… why have i never thought about this????? was i preoccupied naming myself.

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?

hmmmmm hmmmmm trying to unlock the vault. i think i remember a 1 or a 0 on a math quiz. i think i got 30% or something very very bad (i dont even want to know) on my last english exam, but to be fair, i was having such a bad mental breakdown my professor did an intervention

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?

like a very very small child? i was obsessed with the save-ums (?!?!?) for some reason. i would sing the anthem… no. theme song? i dont know. i guess it was catchy and there were lots of fun characters. OHHHH I SEE WHATS WRONG

ITS BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD A TV TILL I WAS LIKE 5 OR SOMETHING. what are you cultured people watching as children? what are the shows? 

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?

>:(

My Halloween experience:

i dont even remember i probably had some kind of fairy wings? i think i remember fairy wings. we went to one (1) house. later on, since we werent allowed to go trick-or-treating, we were each allotted a certain amount of candy, and if we ate more than a designated amount per day, we were in trouble and wouldnt be allowed anymore. i do remember getting in trouble for this. i think i stole someones candy. sibling against sibling. finally we were allowed to go trick or treating, i went with my younger brothers and by then, was a teenager and felt too tall and really uncomfortable

LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED THAT LAST TIME WE WENT TRICK-OR-TREATING NOT IN A RURAL AREA, my dad drove us around in a van and watched us like a hawk i believe. it was very tense and methodical.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?

i read the harry potter series (I WROTE SIBLIGS LOL) more times than i could count while growing up. i read the first hunger games book and didnt fancy it for whatever reason, and i had an obnoxious twilight-hating phase.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?

no

sometimes, though, im really genuinely worried about what accent i do have. im worried i read so much harry potter growing up, it rubbed off on me. when i was a server, people would ask about an unusual accent i apparently had, and once, when i was talking to a super british guy who called me luv at walmart, he was like STOP. WAIT. YOU HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT. and i was like WHAT UHHH BYEBYE AND HE WAS LIKE NO. I HEARD YOU. STOP and i was like that michael jackson meme where he covers his face running away and everyone else in the line was staring

18. Did your mother go to college?

i believe she went to a bible college where people put a grand piano on top of the roof. 

19. Are your grandparents still married?

all of my grandparents are dead.

…. hmmMMMM yow. ok. my grandparents who werent estranged stayed married for as long as either of them were living… however, my OTHER grandparents, i mean the fucking kidnappers, my abuser grandpa… remarried? when he was… really really aging. im judging him for it because i know what kind of person he was.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

I WISH. my parents didnt seem to like that sort of thing (surprise). im interested in it now but… as usual… i feel like its too late, im too old.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

….. i… i thought i did… hes blessed… thats all.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?

ಠ_ಠ 

*crickets*

how could you ask me this?

no wait! i went to the waterslides. then, later on, i was never allowed to go to the waterslides.

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

Spanish. ive been “intending” to learn for a long time, and a lot of people who have been really good influences on me and been genuinely kind to me speak it, id like to learn it

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

grey

one sec

yup thats canadian!

25. Is your father bald?

on the top of his head, yes >:(

26. Do you know triplets?

no?

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

no? what is this straight stuff? i listened to the dramatic titanic song and felt nothing.

28. Have you ever had Indian food?

i guess so, at a friends house! i dont think otherwise ive gone to a restaurant and actually had indian food

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?

*gazes tearily at my OWN FUCKING OLD WORKPLACE

the food was sO GOOD MAN. IT WAS SO GOOD. im just not saying because despite how stalkable i probably am already, i dont want to be specific

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

no whats that

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?

w

belong? whats bjs? whats a warehouse for?

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

i decided at one point they would never tell me this and it was no use asking. i do know they almost named my brother a very fusty old fashioned name fitting in with the thomas the tank engine theme 

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?

G is the ONLY one i will accept so far.

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?

:)

i……… hmmmm…. i really dont like picking favourites. each person in my life has a unique relationship with me (even though a lot of them arent very warm, trusting or close). because of unhealthy middle school friendships ive grown an aversion to ranking relationships as if they have material value.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?

rural, i think. i need nature in my life!!! but i also need to be able to have connections to people.

36. Can you whistle?

yes, but not very loudly or accurately

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

no, but ive always wanted a nightlight

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?

ive started to, yeah! this morning i made a whole thing with bread and mushrooms and eggs, and coffee, and i ate it outside watching the traffic. im really trying to treat myself nicely you see. its what id do for someone else.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

THAT

BOY

JUICE!

WELCOME TO MY BUILD A BOY WORKSHOP!

SHOTS!SHOTS!SHOTS!

and im really fortunate to be in pretty good health, and have access to things i do need

40. What medical conditions do you have?

I dont think… i actually have any. id say gender dysphoria but i think it was informed consent. (im VERY lucky)

im pretty sure there are SOME mental conditions running around undiagnosed. MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?

for myself? once… when i got hives and started swelling up all over, but otherwise was fine. i really wonder what that was. other times was visiting sick/dying relatives which has made me feel sad and apprehensive whenever i enter a hospital or smell the food

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?

yes! i had a gerbil named nemo! 

43. Where do you buy your jeans?

D:

i dont … remember … really nowhere special i actually have yet to find some jeans i LOVE. sometimes there is a pair of jeans that sparks joy. i do not have such a pair

44. What’s the last compliment you got?

my sister said my pants looked good on me. they are actually their pants, which they left on the floor in my room for an unknown reason, and they want them back. of course.

but because im excited about it and want to brag, the real compliment was when i made borscht and my sister not only ate it faster than me, but wanted a second helping. and my roommate stuck his face in the steam and said it smelled good. hell yes. i put fucking cilantro in it. fcking beast mode.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

yes. theyre usually really emotional and symbolic. if ive been talking to my parents, theyre usually nightmares. ive been reading about dream interpretation for a long time to deal with some of the ominous images that can come up

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?

red rose reminds me of wheni was little my mom would make really sweet sweet red rose tea for me (thats the kind she drinks all the time) and it brings me those good feelings. otherwise licorice spice really appeald to me for some reason.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?

LMAO UHHH…brb

six. because of social pressure.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?

i never thought about this kind of thing…. i really don’t know….. id just want them to know how to be kind to others and themselves and thats literally it. 

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

i was one of those edgy kids trying to spoil it for everyone. guess what other common fun thing my parents didnt do

50. Why do you have a youtube? 

i dont! so i dont know what this question means! :)

HOLY SHIT I MADE IT THRU HIGH FIVE 

[the-queer-look]

Shay my name

Often we are criticised, and belittled, for the new terms which we are using to fully describe our identities. It may sound weird to those who’ve never had to think about their own, but at least in English, we have the language to describe what we’re talking about. In some places around the world, there literally aren’t words to fully describe someone’s identity, and that can leave people feeling isolated.

- K

Name: Shay

Age: 27

Gender/Orientation:Agender, gray asexual

Occupation:Digital Designer

Location:Strathfield

I’m from Vietnam originally, and have been in Australia for about eight years. I went to an international college in Vietnam; That school got into some trouble with the government and got shut down, they decided to move all the students to either Singapore or Australia to finish their bachelor degree, and I decided to come here, and liked it so much that I decided to stay. I’ve been working professionally here for the last five or six years now.

In Asia, especially Vietnam and Thailand, there’s this thing where even in a relationship between two queer people, there’s a hierarchical thing where one person is considered a man, and the other a woman, and I never understood that. But thanks to the internet, I looked into it and read a whole lot and came across the concept of non-binary, and it just felt right, and really liberating. I embraced it, and now I feel like a person, defined by myself, rather than defined by my gender, that my physical body is just a vessel for me to experience the world. Identifying as non-binary helps me be free-er.

The internet is massively influential. There’s all this information that you cant necessarily find anywhere else. In my particular situation, I had to use the internet to find out what other cultures and communities were doing and saying about these things. Theres no way to refer to people in the Vietnamese language without specifying their gender, so when I go home, people in the Queer community tend to use male pronouns for me, because I tend to present more masculine, but the internet helped me to realise that theres more than that – there’s “They” which has been an accepted non gendered pronoun since the 1500s for example, which just felt so much more comfortable for me. Just having access to this knowledge through the internet give you so much power, and so much personal agency.

Because im a small person, it’s rather tricky to get the clothes that I want. I like mens clothes because, for one, they have pockets! And for another, although I love the feminine side of myself, I feel like the fashions that are associated with femininity don’t represent me particularly well. When I was Eighteen, I started experimenting by buying mens clothing, but more and more these days, I’m finding myself comfortable in buying and wearing either masculine or feminine clothing, depending on how well it works with my wardrobe. Because I work in the tech industry, I have a bit more leeway to express myself, so anything that lets me hit that non-binary spot is great. And as I’ve grown more comfortable in myself, and my identity, I’m letting myself branch out from this stricter, all black, all neutral expression, and be a bit more lively with colours and patterns that I wouldn’t have felt comfortable in before.

When I came to terms with being non-binary, I didn’t have the words to explain it in my mother tongue, but in a more progressive environment, like Australia, you can explain it very simply, very quickly, and because the language to explain it is easier to use, its much easier for people to understand, even if they haven’t heard of the concept before. It’s still a struggle though, people are always staring at me, trying to figure out my gender, I get yelled at in public bathrooms, but at least having a word that legitimises my identity is a big step forward.

The culture of Asia is so gendered that I already have a hard time explaining homosexuality to my mother, but I’ve never approached the subject of my gender identity with them because they don’t have the words to actually discuss the topic, and when I explain it to my friends, they’re quite taken aback, because the culture is so defined along gendered lines. Like I was saying before, if you have a lesbian couple, whichever one presents more masculine is referred to with masculine pronouns, and assumed to take on more masculine roles. When I explain my identity to them, they ask me why I have to define myself that way, instead of just saying that I’m a butch woman. And I need to explain to them that I don’t actually identify as a woman at all. It’s difficult, but also I feel like its a duty for someone in a position like myself, which is having the privilege of living in a western country, but also going back home to a more conservative country and spread what I’ve learned so that others can see identity as a whole rather than splitting people into boxes.

Human brains always try to put people in boxes, and define things. In reality, everything exists on a spectrum and everyone moves back and forth and changes all the time. I know that once I was able to identify and understand this, that I began to have a different view, not just on stereotypes within the queer community, but stereotypes in general. Stereotypes exist for a reason, they exist because it makes it easier for our brains to navigate the world, and I think that’s fine, but at the same time everyone needs to understand how people change constantly. The stereotypes are fine, but you can’t just be defining someone completely based off of a stereotype, you need to be able to take a step back and understand that they are a multi faceted human being. Although it’s useful to have these archetypes to define yourself by, it’s counterproductive to define someone externally based on a stereotype.

My partner and I were bingeing Xena, and having these conversation about why we never talked at the time about how this show was about two queer women leading their lives and having adventures and being wholesome about the whole thing? But we found that the studios in the 90’s went through and censored everything about their relationship. Reading the comics though, where there’s no censorship like that was really uplifting and validating. It’s not a non-binary person, obviously, but the representation of a bisexual woman having a wholesome relationship with another woman feels so validating that our identity is not being erased or oppressed every day because people cant handle how different we are for not fitting into the boxes that society has made for us. The question is, why didnt we have these role models of queer people, showing us these healthy relationships, and healthy intimacy. Why did we get The L Word instead? Don’t get me wrong, I love The L Word, but also, it’s trash, in the way that it presents these ideas of queer relationships, its a bit toxic. They’re coming back with a new season, however many years after the fact, and I’m so glad that they seem to have learned lessons about appropriate representation, for example they’re having an asian trans man, playing an asian trans character, which is great. I feel that when you don’t have appropriate representation for yourself, kids get the wrong ideas about the world, like how The L Word gave the wrong idea about how the community works to a lot of young lesbians, including myself, back when that’s how I identified. And then there’s the “i cant see myself successful because I’m a queer person” mentality. Kid’s are dying out there and thinking that they cant achieve the sort of success in their lives that they want to achieve, simply because they’re a part of the queer community, which is horrible.

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[curly-q-reviews]

VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL

Below Her Mouth, 2016 (dir. April Mullen)

WARNING SPOILERS AND LOTS OF SEX TALK AHEAD TREAD WITH CAUTION

HEY Y’ALL we interrupt the regular programming for a special feature!!  i always like to do a lil valentines day special viewing for the sake of being festive and for once ive actually gotten some dating action in my life so i was in the mood to watch some sweet romance and then review it for ur reading pleasure (emphasis on the PLEASURE ehugeguehgehgeugeghe) (assassinate me now i deserve it)

to preface this, i am VERY gay.  well uuhhh bi but a very GAY bi u know??  basically i curse my attraction to men every waking moment of my life.  ive known about this since my last few years of college and am out to basically everyone whos important, and a lot of my friends are lgbtq+ so u know its official and everything.  i dont really claim to be a Gay Expert  cause i actually am still lacking a lot of uuhhh physical experience if u catch my drift HOWEVER like a true scholar i have done my fair share of research.  which mainly includes watching really shitty lesbian movies and mocking them (and every so often watching a rare Good Lesbian Movie and crying A LOT). 

if u are of sapphic inclination as well then u probably already know the kind of reputation lesbian romance movies have overall, the prime examples of which would be movies like Room in Rome and Loving Annabelle.  these movies all seem to have one thing in common, and its that the directors and writers have no goddamn clue about how to write a convincing and authentic lesbian romance.  u also always get the sense that the male gaze is the one being prioritized cause theres always PLENTY of gratuitous sex and the romance part itself is uuhhhh never really developed well or thoroughly enough at all.  these movies are usually about a straight girl who discovers her affinity for the feminine when she meets a total stranger and suddenly cant stop thinking about how much she wants to bang her.  and then in-between all the banging they somehow find the time to fall madly in love with each other but the straight girl just CANT cause shes STRAIGHT or she has a FIANCE or her PARENTS wouldnt approve or whatever the fuck the conflict of the day is and either it ends with them never seeing each other again or with the straight girl coming to terms with her not-straightness and ***follow her heart*** or whatever

really the only lesbian movies i can recall actually enjoying would be Pariah (PLEASE check this movie out its so heart-wrenching and beautiful and its like a majority-black cast!!!) and Blue Is the Warmest Color (this one i loved at first but the more i reflect on it the more problems i find with it, ESPECIALLY with how much sex is in it).  and then The L Word is a stellar tv series up until like the last few seasons which are trash but otherwise it was a great watch for me, especially while i was still figuring things out.  i feel like there are more that ive seen that were pretty good but i cant think of them at the moment WHOOPS LOL

so with Below Her Mouth i was apprehensive but hopeful going in, although i had heard rumors that it was Real Bad.  and u know i shouldve listened to those rumors and not bothered with this movie cause WOW its bad!!!  script is TRASH, acting is TRASH WITH FEBREEZE SPRAYED ON IT, and it looks like an artsy pretentious film student shot it.  natalie krill had maybe one good acting moment in the whole 90-minute run time and erika linder is really really hot and those are the only two good things i can think to say about this

fuck ok uuhhh i guess ill talk about the main characters cause OH WOW theyre basically two walking talking cliches.  jasmine (yes her name is jasmine that totally doesnt sound like the name of a character in a porn at all) is our Token Straight Girl who has a fiance and is a fashion editor.  she first sees our other romantic lead while working on the roof of a house next door to hers.  shes ur typical Lesbian Romance Movie Butch, too cool for school and unable to commit to anyone ever and is kind of an asshole but somehow this is supposed to endear u to her.  oh and guess what her name is.  just guess.  ill give u a few minutes.

DALLAS ITS FUCKING DALLAS HOOWEE WHAT A SHOCKER

the first thing we see of dallas, and this is also the first fuckin shot of the movie, is her uuhhh scissoring her girlfriend???  humping her?????  i really dont know what shes trying to accomplish but shes clearly not having any fun while doing it and her girlfriends like “i love u” and shes like “im moving out bye” and thats it

real compelling i know

so jasmine and her bff manage to stumble upon the lesbian bar in town (which dallas calls a girl party???  why??????) where dallas meets her and proceeds to be completely and utterly creepy in ways ive only ever seen men be which is the first indicator that the person who made this movie, april mullen, is maybe not gay at all (or maybe she is and just has horrible taste?? idk man).  but somehow the creepiness is a real turn on for ol’ jazzy and they start making out IMMEDIATELY but then jasmines like “i have a fiance gotta go!!!!” and yeets herself out of the situation

but of course this is a lesbian romance so u know they meet up again and proceed to have like half an hours worth of steamy gratuitous porn-style sex.  there was a lot of strap-on action involved and a lot of bizarre scissoring that i dont even think i can call scissoring cause it was more like they were just weirdly bumping their vagoos against each other and somehow that was getting them both off.  like sometimes the sex scenes in this movie bordered on tommy wiseau levels of weird. 

oh and of course the fiance finds out about this secret love affair but WOW do they really do this in the most dramatic and unintentionally hilarious way possible.  he literally comes home early from his business trip and walks in on dallas going to town on jasmine with a strap on in the bath tub, like theyre ferociously going at it.  i swear to god i felt like i was watching a comedy at times with this movie

piggybacking off of that, jesus christ this script is bad.  ooooohhhh its so bad.  dallas is given the cringiest tough guy lines, like shes drinking beers with a friend and the friend is like “oh man i gotta catch up to u” and, hilariously, dallas is like “you cant catch up cause nO oNe WiLl EvEr CaTcH mE” and i almost choked on my own saliva.  oh god wait heres another zinger, so when she first meets jasmine shes like “do u come to girl parties often (again why the everloving FUCK is she calling it a girl party????)” and jasmines like “i don’t come at all” and the next thing to come out of dallas’s suave sexy mouth is “TeRriBLe NeWs CaN i ChAnGe ThAt FoR yOu” OH my GOD

and good god shes so creepy.  like some of the shit she pulls is borderline sexual assault.  her and jasmine are just at a bar chillin and dallas reaches down and im like “oh ok shes gonna like put her hand on her knee classic move” but NOPE OH NO she just makes a beeline STRAIGHT for jasmines crotch IN THE MIDDLE OF A BAR!!!  THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND!!!!!!  OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

at one point after another round of passionate lovemaking dallas brings jasmine back to her house and theyre in dallas’s truck and they just??  slap each other???  for no reason?????  except for True Love i guess????????????

jesus.  just.  this was an experience.  i would say dont bother watching it but i did at least have fun making fun of it so if thats ur sort of thing knock ur socks off, its on netflix.  but wow this basically fits the stereotype of a lesbian romance movie PERFECTLY, and when u really break it down its just a fancy porn.  i wouldnt even say its a porn geared towards actual wlw cause theres so many elements about the sex scenes that reminded me of the kind of lesbian porn thats made for straight men to jack off to.  0/10 BAD BYE

well shit ok i hope u all had a great valentines day!!  im gonna go start a roofing business in the hopes that i end up working on a roof of a house thats right next to a really hot straight girl with a fiance so i can try to finger-bang her in the middle of an occupied bar wish me luck!!!!!