#Anakin to Palpatine: I am going to be so hilarious

[marvelstars]

Anakin Skywalker and the ¿Rebellion?

One of my favorite parts of the Clone Wars series is how given the increasing number of problems all over the galaxy as a result of the Clone Wars, there just wasn´t enough Jedi or Clone soldiers to cover them so Anakin´s idea to approach this problem was teaching civilians how to defend themselves and other kind of guerrilla tactics, one of the people who was trained was Saw Guerrera and his group, later he would become one of the biggest leaders in the rebel alliance, who had a big role protecting Galen and Jyn erso which would give the rebellion the plans for the first Death Star.

It´s even better the fact Obi-Wan and the Council called this tactic "terrorism" while Anakin called them "rebels" :)

This gives a new meaning to the fact Vader called the rebellion traitors to the Empire but never terrorists, even if looking at them that way would have gotten the Empire some points in the eyes of the public.

Vader tempted Luke by calling for an end to this "destructive conflict" and put "order in the galaxy" even in the darkside, Vader didn´t deny the rebels had reason to their actions and the Empire was part of the problem even if he didn´t agree with the rebellion.

[virahaus]

Thinking more obikin thoughts,,,,

(I should make this a series at this point aknsksns)

Anyway in a fix it universe where padme and Anakin are just besties, and Obi-Wan promised Anakin that after the war they could do whatever they want (comic compliant that's right),,, we arrive to completely-oblivious-of-his-feelings!Anakin & trying-to-woo-your-former-padawan!Obiwan combo 👀

Obi-Wan trying to give Anakin presents and bring him out on dates all over the galaxy, keeping his arm always around Anakin's waist and being affectionate,,,, all of this and Anakin, while drinking it up like a sponge, just doesn't get it. He thinks Obi-Wan is being affectionate because the war is over and after their last almost-death situation the council just doesn't care to reprimand about their obvious attachment anymore.

All of this is resolved, impossibly, by anonymous fanmail. The Jedi (even if they survived in this scenario) took a mighty blow on their public imagine with all the subtle propaganda Palpatine sprouted about them so they are trying to reply to the galaxy concerns and misconceptions about them. All jedi who are knights and masters are eligible for this fan mail stunt and the more famous they are the more of it they get.

Anakin gets a lot of fanmail where they gush about his and Obi-Wan romantic relationship and while at the start he's totally dumbfounded about it, the more they cite things he and Obi-Wan have been doing in these last few months (and years, let's be honest) the more he being (unknowingly) in a relationship with Obi-Wan makes sense. He gets his freak out with padme (who thought they were just being discreet and smacks some good sense into Anakin) and so for the next outing Obi-Wan organises for them, Anakin tries to up the game to see how Obi-Wan responds,,,, and Obi-Wan is Enthusiastic™ about it (poor man was going mad thinking he was doing something Wrong and now all of a sudden Anakin begins to initiate,, some more encouraging touches so he's Ecstatic).

Just think: them going on romantic dates for months, but with no kisses, Obi-Wan staying patient because he knows Anakin has never done this before but getting progressively more depressed thinking he may have interpreted this wrong, and then out of the blue Anakin kisses him after their date. Obi-Wan mind is blown. Man is going to worship is boy now that he has the all clear lmao

(even funnier is thinking about Obi-Wan pestering other jedi about it and getting smashed while crying that Anakin maybe changes his mind. Quinlan just drops him into his apartment and vows to never ask about Anakin again while Obi-Wan drinks: it only gets him Obi-Wan dirty old man rants or his infinite sadness rants. No in between).

Even more hilarious is the fanmail being explicit at some point (everyone says to Anakin that he must be enjoying Obi-Wan big dick energy so much) and Anakin first thought is be offended that ppl would think of him as the bottom - and then getting turned on by the thought of being fucked into incoherence by Obi-Wan. Classical Anakin behaviour Mr."I want to be in control" and then having a meltdown the second he gets the supposed control he wanted. Poor boy just needs to be fucked pliant and he'll be good.

Anyway, that's it. My 1 am obikin thoughts strike again.

[adragonsfriend]

Upon reflection, having it implied that saying "Anakin can both be traumatized and responsible for his actions, (which is not the same thing as blaming him for his trauma)," means that I don't like his character, or that I think anything along the lines of "he's inherently bad," is actually hilarious and I'm no longer mad about it. Like,,,

My dear critics, I did not write over 100k (so far) of fanfic about him going on a time travel redemption arc, in the relatively famous in SW fandom "Anakin actually was already redeeming himself thru stories and being a double agent and is possibly the coolest character ever AU" because I think he's inherently bad person. I am so incredibly down for the fact that he is capable of so much good. For 24 years he makes literally the worst choices possible, and then he is still capable of making a good one. That's the WHOLE point.

His potential for good is why it's sad that he makes bad choices. No one gives a fuck when Palpatine does war crimes because he's presented to us narratively as a force of nature, not as a person. Anakin IS presented to us as a person. He could always choose differently.

But he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't. And he doesn't.

AND THEN HE DOES!!!

Writing a fix it centering on him is largely just a matter of choosing any one of those "And he doesn't"s, and changing it to an "And then he does!"

[grapenehifics]

I have the house to myself this weekend which means I get to have musicals on in the background (I am the only one in my family who appreciates this art form) and this morning I've had The Sound of Music running and...I'm having thoughts. Fascism thoughts.

Anakin is nearing the age (early 20s) when he should be taking the Trials and he *says* he's sure he wants to continue on the Jedi path (his mom sure always really wanted him to! He doesn't want to disappoint his Master!) but he's always been a little unorthodox, a little different, and Yoda and Mace and the Council and even Qui-Gon try to (gently) tell him that it's okay if he wants to or needs to take a different path and this life isn't for everyone and there's no shame in it; there's lots of ways to serve the light.

Obi-Wan meanwhile (Force sensitive but his parents said no thank you when the Order came calling when he was a kid?) is fairly recently widowed with seven (or maybe not seven, but some number of) children who he doesn't see all that much because he's...not *the* leader of Stewjon but definitely a higher-up in their government (maybe like a House of Lords/ruling council sort of situation?). And he - like the Republic - sees the writing on the wall about the encroaching threat of the Empire and the members of the Republic who are against this idea (Padmé, Bail, etc) are very interested in keeping Obi-Wan on their side - he's maybe trying to convince the rest of his government to join the Republic? and if they do have to go to war Obi-Wan is one of the few with actual military experience (I'm picturing some sort of Admiral Yularen/Republic Navy-ish) - so when Obi-Wan asks the Order to send a Jedi as a governess for his kids (some - or all? - of them are Force sensitive too, but Obi-Wan and his wife kept them home as kids rather than sending them to Coruscant), even though the answer would *usually* be no (you can't have it both ways Obi-Wan; there are no part-time Jedi) the Republic basically begs the Jedi Council to say yes.

They (reluctantly) agree that sending Anakin to Stewjon might be okay - they wouldn't send anyone else but he's on the fence anyway and this might give him some time to decide if he really wants to be a Jedi or if a home and a family might suit him better. Anakin has to be talked into it - "you're kicking me out??" "NO, Padawan Skywalker..." - but he goes. Of course he actually bonds really well with all the kids (I love Anakin with kids!) and his new boss is surprisingly hot, especially in his Stewjoni military uniform.

Obi-Wan got (quite quickly, after his wife died) engaged to the Duchess Satine of Mandalore, which both parties (and everyone in their respective governments) know is a political marriage but they do also genuinely like and respect each other, and enjoy debating politics with each other - if war breaks out, Satine is determined Mandalore will remain neutral, and Obi-Wan argues against, and that it's their moral obligation to fight - but whatever happens, Mandalore wants Stewjon on their side and vice versa. She's busy running her own system but comes for a visit, and meets Anakin, and picks up right away on the rampant UST between Obi-Wan and his new nanny. (She finds this hilarious.)

Obi-Wan throws a Mandalore/Stewjon unification-type ball at his house (mansion, palace, w/e) and Anakin has the kids show off the more impressive of the Force "tricks" he's taught them (floating rocks, etc). The kids tell Anakin that their dad can move things with the Force, too, and he used to all the time, but doesn't anymore. Anakin is intrigued by this new knowledge.

They get word from Coruscant that Palpatine did as threatened and has staged a coup (?? haven't really worked out the finer details yet) and despite Obi-Wan's best efforts Stewjon as a collective whole looks like it's going to fall on the side of the Empire. He's not the only one determined to fight but he's definitely the most vocal/highest-ranking of the dissenters and Satine warns him that he at least needs to get his family out of harm's way, and if he can get them to Mandalore she can protect them and they can join the Rebellion from there. (Form the Rebellion? This part is still a little muddy).

(Obi-Wan checks that this offer still stands even though he's breaking up with her. She's like a) I called that and b) "oh my god Obi-Wan I'm a pacifist not a monster. I'm not going to let your family *die* just because you're marrying Anakin instead of me, what do you take me for?")

Their escape plan - like in the movie - is to perform in some sort of National Stewjon Talent Show, except swap the Force for a cappella singing. The Jedi - let's say Palpatine hasn't gotten around to Order 66 in this AU - attend this Talent Show, and *obviously* it's a cover for getting Anakin and the Kenobis out (they have to have the same conversation - "you mean you'll still help me even if I'm getting married instead of becoming a Jedi Knight?" "yeah, we're not dicks, it's the right thing to do") but no one can actually call the Jedi out on it even though while they're blinking their eyes all innocently they totally have bolt cutters and stun guns hidden under their robes.

Also there's a subplot where Obi-Wan's oldest breaks up with her boyfriend because "I DON'T DATE STORMTROOPERS."

(Someday I will be able to watch a movie without having Obikin thoughts about it. But it is not this day!)

[vaguely-concerned]

I’m on a Star Wars books roll so here we go with my — unhinged thanks for asking! — thoughts on Dooku: Jedi Lost, specifically the audio play. Short version: I fucking loved this one! For maximum emotional devastation, pair with Master and Apprentice and Padawan the way my stupid ass did and then be sad about it forever I guess that's what I’m going to have to do.

 Long (LONG oopsie) version:

- So. First of all, let’s get the most important thing out of the way on this here old man yaoi website. We all agree dooku and sifo dyas explored each other’s bodies right. Or at least definitely would have if not for the laws of this order etc., potentially. That’s not just me. Good. Thank you. We can now move on 

- Secondly. Well. Guess I’m just going to be inconsolable about Sifo-Dyas forever now. I miss the days in which he was just a throwaway line in AotC spawned by a random misspelling to me, rather than an eternal raw aching wound in my heart

- poor poor ventress just reading through all the proof that dooku absolutely does have it in him to be a good dad I mean master and just — idk got tired of that and went the force lightning route with her. I love the move of having her dead master hang out with her all that time as well (having her slip up and refer to ‘us’ did something to me, god this is so sad. Is he actually there in spirit or is it just her grief dreaming him up because dooku is awful and cold as a cliff  wall and she needs some kind of attachment figure even if she’ll have to reinvent him herself, rebuild him word for word, gesture by gesture. Pain. sorry about your terrible track record with father figures asajj) 

- Lene: (About Averross): He hasn’t changed. 

Dooku: (In the warmest fondest voice you ever heard) And I hope he never does

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF? MUST I SET MYSELF ON FIRE TO ESCAPE THE PAIN???

Another strong showing for Rael in general, btw. He’s so warm and charming as a presence even though he’s also a little chaos gremlin. (He’s quite similar to how Sifo-Dyas was when he was young in some ways, I can definitely start to see what Dooku responds warmly to in terms of character traits.) 

- the fact that good ol’ sheev showed an interest in rael, dooku and anakin… interesting huh! He’s just got a soft spot for the disaster lineage I suppose, maybe there’s an element there of luring yoda’s most direct lineage into the dirt with him without yoda even noticing for the longest time. Also cackling at the idea that he looked at qui-gon ‘too fucking stubborn and insufferable to fall to the dark side out of sheer spite’ jinn and went ‘...not that one tho’ fhdskjfa. And obi-wan is more like ‘that one blorbo all my little guys seem wild about but I just don’t get it guys’ 

IF rael’s refusal to join dooku at the end of ‘master and apprentice’ is the last word (which I am not convinced of ;___; be safe cowboy jedi we never see in mainline canon so far), then he’s the only one who has dodged palpatine’s attentions. Wonderful if true love that for him

ALSO rael is one of the few people we know to be on (or at least to consider himself on despite what palps might think lol) first name basis with palpatine. Hilarious. I concur with dooku never change rael 

- Sifo-Dyas: That’s insane. 

Dooku, deadpan: Yes.

Sifo-Dyas: The worst plan I’ve ever heard.

Dooku, somehow even more deadpan: Most probably. 

Sifo-Dyas: I’m in. 

Crying… weeping and dying………… what if someone could have helped sifo with his unfortunate prophecy propensity and they hadn’t drifted apart. Clone Wars averted methinks if dooku still ended up leaving the order he would have been too busy having tender gay sex with the love of his life (and only person who can call him out on his shit and have him actually listen) to be a war criminal (I am being extremely facetious of course this is very much a ‘time traveler killing baby hitler’ situation where the underlying forces causing this point in history are way too powerful to avert the catastrophe in one move. but at least palps would probably have had to pick someone else to wreck the galaxy through and sifo-dyas would be kissed & held instead of going slowly mad. A net plus some (I, me) would say) 

- I just wanted to applaud both the writing and the voice acting for the characterization of Dooku in this, from his young self trying so hard to be haughty and self-possessed but also being like, y’know, twelve and a dweeb and easy for Sifo-Dyas to pull into trouble, to the dry wit and warmth he shows with Rael and Qui-Gon or his sister later. It took me a little while to get into the voice acting specifically (the actor makes no attempt at going the full Christopher Lee, which in hindsight was probably wise), but now I love it. It gets a bit goofy in places but you know what, I am a long time lover of audio plays, that’s part of the charm 

- “Master, have I done something wrong?”

My heart is clenching… do you think… that master yoda’s deal with leaving his student to try fucking everything to have some kind of relationship with him until he just breaks down in tears of despair… is the kind of thing that maybe started a little bit of a generational trauma cartwheel through the ages. The point that bb!dooku is arrogant isn’t without merit and he strikes out incredibly ungracefully about it (in fact I would be a lot more worried than yoda seems to be that he decides to try to kill a tree about it, ‘I felt like destroying something beautiful’-style)  but I just don’t think a… fourteen year old? A teen anyway, Is going to learn what you think he learns from this. I simply don’t believe that silent treatmenting kids will teach them emotional intelligence I guess especially if they already struggle with that naturally lol 

(It is exactly the same mistake (in my opinion) that Qui-Gon makes with Obi-Wan, too, just leaving the kid completely alone and forcing them to come to you every which way for comfort or guidance instead of meeting them or reaching out to them. Especially once you see that really Dooku’s prime emotion/big core wound right from the beginning is loneliness. And that doesn’t only come from a feeling of superiority (which to be sure is also a big factor), because he has no idea where he comes from until he meets his sister. I don’t think the jedi as a whole were unsalvageable by any stretch of the imagination, but Yoda specifically… you are on such very thin ice with me at this point you little green fuck. You’re very funny and moving in yoda dark rendezvous and that’s all that’s keeping you in my somewhat good graces.)

- Okay, coming back a bit later I think I’ve found the right words to say this. more precisely dooku has two big issues which you can later see haunting all the way down his lineage — loneliness and control. (and not incidentally the intersecting elements of the two haha.) We see from his relationship to sifo-dyas that he’s not incapable of having close mutual relationships with an equal, but that kind of crashed and burned for reasons neither of them could really help and after that it seems quite telling that he has the easiest time with deeper connection in a teacher-student sort of form. I think his affection is unconditional and real, but you can’t get away from the fact that he also has the most control in that relationship structure by default, he gets to dictate what form it takes to a big extent. He doesn’t trust other people — the underlying idea ‘Only I can do this’ that eventually leads him down the Separatist path is there the whole way. It speaks both to a sense of superiority and an utter lack of faith that other people can or will help him. And then that echoes down through the master-padawan line: 

Qui-Gon with his self-righteousness and utter refusal to compromise leaving him isolated among the jedi (only he is right. Yeah the Force told him so. Don’t worry I’ve got a permit *insert parks and rec I can do whatever I want meme here*), Obi-Wan with his anxiety and perfectionism and incredible sense of shame and responsibility that he should be able to carry the whole world on his shoulders alone and beating himself up for failing, all feeding into not knowing what to do with Anakin and his complete lack of control of himself and his desperation to gain and maintain connection and love (which earns him the title of ‘Dooku’s least favorite family member’ fhdsa his immediate disdain for him is so funny and so in character. Repress and go slowly mad like a normal person anakin the way you’re carrying on is just undignified and that is much worse than being evil)… 

- Rael gently telling Dooku to take on another padawan soon… so sweet, so sad, local cowboy jedi looking out for his dad. Also highlights something about Dooku I think is true: that he does much better and seems to have an easier time holding to the light when he’s responsible for someone else. Again, I do feel like Dooku’s core problem is loneliness, but it seems like raising kids is the one point where that relaxes somewhat. Maybe if Sifo-Dyas had stayed in a better mental place and they kept in touch it could have been different.

- Lene Kostana is SUCH a character! Charismatic and deeply fucked up, when it’s revealed how her and Sifo-Dyas’ relationship remains long after his padawan stage is done I felt a little bit sick, to my surprise. Because that could just be kindness on her part, of course, it’s good that he has someone he trusts to look after him when he can’t himself, but also there’s something… queasy about the way it keeps him continually young, in a way. (Notably he still calls her ‘master’ even as an adult, when they’re working together. Not uncommon in Star Wars, of course, but together with everything else going on vibes-wise… hm.) The inherent unreliable narration of this story really worked for me in this regard especially — do we know that young Dooku was entirely wrong when he sensed the dark side in her? She certainly is willing to go to lengths that are… worrying! in her fascination with sith shit, she tempted children into a dangerous place they didn’t understand and couldn’t know the consequences of and she continually puts sifo-dyas in situations that are implied to be a risk to worsening his condition. Run of the mill incredibly irresponsible at best, sincerely sinister at worst. Did she choose Sifo over Dooku because he’s more vulnerable and shapeable? There is an undercurrent of something icky and emotionally incest-y going on with how she relates to Dooku and Sifo-Dyas in general (right down to the ‘NO, no one can know about this’ intensity after the… evil moss cave. I can’t believe I’m this emotional about a book with an evil moss cave). I don’t think she’s a proper sith in any way and I also believe there is real affection there on all sides, but idk something about the whole thing makes me deeply uneasy. Yoda where the fuck are you your son is out there with his irresponsible mom again they’re looking for dirty needles in haystacks and they’re not even wearing any gloves

- dooku telling sifo-dyas he can come back to haunt him if he likes as a joke… well well well I’m sure that doesn’t ring with some dramatic irony at some point down the line lmao

- honestly looking back at master and apprentice after reading jedi lost makes qui-gon's apparent lack of reaction to dooku leaving seem — let's call it highly suspect haha. rael asks him if he's spoken to dooku after and qui-gon is like 'no. why would I. it's literally fine. anyway this topic is done now'. (and rael seems to just go ‘*older brotherly knowing* uh-huh’) meanwhile he's thinking about dooku *all the time* trying to figure out his role as master to obi-wan, thinking about being a padawan himself, the parts of his life he shared with both dooku and rael. The jedi doth protest too much methinks  

ALSO how much of qui-gon thinking the council was too lenient with rael after he had to kill his padawan is about that actual situation, and how much is a ‘our family still likes my older brother more than me even though he Fucked Up so bad and breaks just as many rules as I do’ sort of deal mixed with his own neuroses about how he’s failing obi-wan (to which rael’s situation symbolizes the worst possible outcome, i.e. the kid dies and it’s basically your fault). Many thoughts. 

- moment of silence for jenza of house serenno. Girl your only sin was being surrounded by asshole male family members and I’m so sorry I think you did all you could with what you had to work with here.

Not… entirely sure how dooku’s claim to the title supersedes hers — is he a year older than her? (she’s eleven when they first meet, he might be twelve or older at that point I don’t remember haha) Does she just give up her place in the inheritance order? Are primogeniture and male heir preference factors in Serenno inheritance law? Not the most important thing honestly it works anyway thematically but could have been clarified quickly!

- interesting to see that the council’s restrictive policy against engaging with prophecies had a surprisingly big impact on how things went down. Kostana has a lot of responsibility in Sifo’s fate for insisting he keep it secret, but there is genuine fear for what might become of him if the rest of the order finds out he’s got 24/7 futurevision hovering over him threateningly… listen it’s not like the poor guy can help getting the future constantly pumped into his brain at nightmare resolutions, I think maybe if there had been more willingness to at least engage curiously with the concept of prophecy and how it works, even if you don’t put your faith in the particulars of what the prophecies say, this wouldn’t have had to be such a shitty isolated secretive life for him. hearing him slowly fall apart over the years considering how bright and lovely he started out... oof is all I can say 

- when dooku was a good jedi he was such a good jedi!!! The scene where they’re saving the kids from the collapsing hospital, every time he teaches his students anything…the impulse of someone has to do something about this! that made him so good at saving lives turning dark with the tarnish of frustration and rage over the years… nooooooooo problematic grandpa why did it have to be like this :(

- …do you think infant jedi can sense what’s going on around them in the Force. Because it makes a very sad kind of sense if dooku on some level remembers bodily or in the Force that he was not only abandoned but rejected in disgust as one of the first things he discovered in the world. Oh boy. With all the ways attachment relationships can go wonky in the first few years in real life I don’t even want to consider how much more wrong it can go when the baby is fucking psychic lol

- vaguely related: the way dooku seems to find the very idea of being truly reliant on anyone, emotionally or otherwise, personally offensive, terrifying and humiliating lol. Yoda saves him from being crushed by rubble and he is outraged because that means he can’t save himself (and his newfound sister) without anyone’s help like he thought for one glorious moment he could. The fantasy of perfect emotional self-sufficiency, doing away with all the messiness and risk of interpersonal relationships and cutting off the possibility of really being abandoned again. It’ll get ya every time. This is also a thing you see reflected in his lineage — they’re all quite inward-turning that way until you get to anakin, to different extents and with varying presentations but it is there I think. Qui-Gon turns to the Force, Obi-Wan to perfectionism and shame and rumination, Rael to the bottle and depression and hedonistic apathy, but they all struggle hugely with letting anyone in to help them. Dooku’s line are all much more comfortable being the helpers rather than the helpees, as it were.  

- “Thank you for everything, Lene. Tell Rael and Qui-Gon — tell them… tell them the Force will be with them, always”

Emotional terrorism against me specifically and personally. You asshole you just excused yourself from the non-attachment rules there’s literally nothing in the world except you to stop you from reaching out and telling your children you love them yOURSELF why are you like this

- the recurring theme of dooku seeing something beautiful (the tree in the temple, the tirra’taka as a child and an adult) and ending up lashing out to destroy it… but the tree was old and mighty and he was young and new and couldn’t truly harm it, so he was saved from his own impulsivity. And then when he sees the tirra’taka as an adult he loves it immediately. And in the end he still mangles and destroys it. He didn’t mean to, but he did. He woke it up and hurt it just by existing as a child and then he had to kill it as a mercy because he was too powerful at that point for anything to buffer his mistakes. The parallel with the bird he loved that he also couldn’t protect. He starts out with an aching loneliness somewhere at the core of him through no real fault of his own but by the end it is entirely his own fault that it’s worse, because he starts wrecking everything he loves in an almost absent-minded but definitely intentional way, like it’s a nightmare he’s listening to through the door as it happens in the next room over. He really IS the ‘I just felt like destroying something beautiful’ central of the jedi.

at the end qui-gon is dead and through dooku’s own influence, however indirectly. Rael has had to turn away from him. Sifo-Dyas is dead on Dooku’s own orders and so is his sister, he might as well have done it with his own hands. (though I think it’s very interesting that in each case he didn’t do it with his own hands, he consistently uses a middleman.) He lives within the coldness of his sterile empty castle and horrifically mistreats the one person he might have found something like connection with the way he did with his students before (Ventress), deliberately trapping her in a similar state of utter desolate isolation and telling her, essentially, ‘We’re like this as people and nothing can be done to change it. We can’t escape, we’re already doomed, stop trying, it’s too late. You are just like me (and if you aren't already I'll make you like me)’. And that’s the closest thing he gets to love anymore. When he accused Ky of using her ‘as a salve for his own loneliness’ and you’re like well well well mr projection man how’s that working out for you. He is completely, shatteringly alone and he is so entirely as a consequence of his own actions and he's too far gone to understand or care. I’m howling you useless fucking FOOL dooku  

- dooku 🤝 john gaius

“Hm. I have observed that there are in fact many flaws in our society and the government is deeply corrupt. So if I kill a few billion people here and there in order to fix it, is that not basically okay when you really think about it” 

Dooku making salient points about the political and ethical failures of the Republic and then, just when you think he’s onto something, he goes and makes The wildest fucking decisions about what to do about it. Sure. dark magic and genocide are probably the only ways out of this you’re so right bro. If we make enough minuses to add together surely we’ll end up in plus sooner or later

- *head in my hands once more* I can’t believe I am genuinely emotionally invested in someone called Count Dooku with the looks of a knockoff dracula and ultimate moral character to match right now this is terrible. hey. hey dooks. what you have to go and fuck everything up so bad for huh I’m so incredibly sad now

there is something to be said about how getting to see glimpses of what dooku looked like in the light makes it so much more heartwrenching that he never came back. he could have, a thousand times. and every time he chose not to.

[antianakin]

@theneutralmime

I mean, by "writers" you mean George Lucas himself because Palpatine is primarily a character created by Lucas.

The short answer is no, I don't, I think Palpatine is exactly what he needs to be.

The long answer is that I don't tend to see Palpatine as a CHARACTER very often and more as a symbolic representation of a lot of the themes in this story. One of the major themes in Star Wars is the choice between selfishness and selflessness and we see this through Anakin's story, Luke's story, and the story of the Republic as a whole. Temptation towards selfishness IS powerful, that's sort-of the whole point in many ways. It's powerful because it's easy, it's instant gratification, it feels good right up until it doesn't. So Palpatine is powerful more because of what he represents than anything more practical.

But if I'm going to TAKE a more practical look at it, then I'd say that the reason the Jedi beat the Sith Empire back in the day is because the Sith are all selfish people who don't know how to work together even against a common enemy and they constantly undermined and betrayed each other in a way the Jedi just did not. So there's just never enough of them combined to truly hold back the Jedi's forces. But Palpatine doesn't ever face them head on, he is the result of a thousand years of planning and laying low and so instead of trying to use real force to take out the Jedi, he uses a more poisonous method that removes a lot of their support from the inside. He learns politics, he gets himself into a position of power, he gets himself all the right allies, he starts corrupting the galaxy itself by encouraging the selfishness in the Senate (which causes most of the "clouding" of the Force, it is never Sidious alone, it's the galaxy becoming darker AS A WHOLE because of his machinations but also because of the choices people are making everywhere), and he is able to then start a war that he can use his power to shove the Jedi in the front of which starts causing a lot of them to die and scatters them across the galaxy inside the trap that is the clone army. Palpatine sees the mistakes made by his predecessors and very intentionally DOESN'T MAKE THE SAME ONES. He gets smarter and uses different methods to take the Jedi out from within the system they created to FIX the galaxy.

So if we go back to the thematic thing, Palpatine is powerful because the choices of a lot of people around him BOLSTER him enough to make him powerful. He is powerful because a lot of people are choosing to be selfish and cruel and greedy. He's not powerful all on his own, we see that when he goes up against Mace. He CAN be beaten by the Jedi, and fairly easily, if he has to rely on force alone. But he knows better than to rely on that and so he never does. Palpatine is a poison in the galaxy just by EXISTING, that's what causes the Force to be more clouded and unbalanced, and it's why Mace recognizes that he's too dangerous to be left alive. This is what the Sith ARE, by their very nature. It's why the Jedi dedicate themselves to eradicating the Sith and everything the Sith represent. There can be no fixing the galaxy or finding balance so long as the Sith remain.

Now, if we look at what the SEQUELS did with Palpatine, then yeah, sure, Palpatine is too powerful because now he's surviving getting thrown down a reactor hatch in a space station that got blown up somehow (which isn't like... UNUSUAL in Star Wars, Maul does something very similar and I hate it just as much as I do this variety of it) and then manages to like suck Force energy out of a Force dyad in order to make himself more... corporeal? I have no idea. But he also then makes the big "I am all the Sith" claim which was HILARIOUS to me when I rewatched the film recently because this might be the first time in galactic history that the Sith have all collectively worked together like that at all. Like HOW is he "all the Sith", what does that MEAN, how does it give him more power, and why does he even NEED IT? It's weird, it's stupid, he should be dead and we all know it, so by the time of the Sequels yes, he's too powerful, but in the Prequels and Original trilogies? No, he's fine, he's exactly as powerful as he needs to be to get across the narrative themes he helps represent.

[walkawaytall]

For the “Fic Recs (Ask Meme)“… 3 😂 and 12 💘 ?

I can’t choose just one for either of these

😂 A fic that made you laugh out loud

Observations by spinninginfinity (@yoyomarules) is an incredibly clever and funny take on a ton of classic fanfiction tropes and I have reread it multiple times.

Palpatine Buys (Space) Twitter by backonmystarwarsbullshit is hilarious and I hope it continues.

Marriage License by WL_Swarts has a dash of everything but is quite funny (and also allows Leia to go on a small rant about Anakin’s last words, which are the worst and also my favorite Star Wars soapbox, so I will always support that).

💘 A fic you couldn't stop reading once you started

Nobody But Yourself by Knitzkampf is the first big multichapter I read. I think it’s rather obvious that I am a big ol’ Han and Leia stan. Luke has always taken the backburner for me, so imagine my surprise when the first book-sized fic to catch my fancy was all from Luke’s POV. The author describes this as “a quiet retelling of the OT” and I think that’s the perfect summary for it. It’s heartwarming and funny and poignant and I didn’t want to stop reading it.

A journey of a thousand miles by greyathena is a lovely Han/Leia story that spans the majority of the OT and a bit beyond. It’s engaging and sweet and funny and I was so disappointed to see the author has pretty much just written this project and a brief(ish) follow-up and I guess got all the Han and Leia out of their system, because I would read a billion more words from them.

Bloodstripes by @madame-alexandra was a work I didn’t want to end and Identity also by @madame-alexandra has consumed me entirely for the past week. With both of these, I had that feeling when you get to the end of a good book and are like, “What…do I do now?” (Though I have only finished the first Identity story. There are thankfully lots more words to read. I am just having to take a short reading break so I can get the next chapter of my longfic out because her work is very immersive and I feel like I can’t write my own stuff sometimes when I’m too wrapped up in someone else’s story.)

Thank you for the questions!

Fic rec ask

[waywardstoryenthusiast]

Dooku Captured

Loving the snark so far. Especially Obi Wan's line to Anakin about showing his gratitude for being rescued by, 'pouncing on me from the ceiling.' Hilarious. Very parent/elder sibling vibes. 10/10

I was worried that Dooku just sitting there meant a trap. But now it seemed Dooku is the one who fell into a trap! (I was also expecting Anakin to immediately rise to the bait of his comment about him needing Obi Wan to rescue him. Was pleasantly surprised.) (Though it is hard to get too excited, given that we know Dooku will escape somehow, even if caught.)

Ah, I was right about Dooku having something up his sleeve.

Gee, Anakin, bet you wish you'd joined Obi Wan and cut him off. Ah well.

Anakin saying, 'That was easy,' just made me break out in hives.

Okay, I've actually had this thought about several episodes, but I am loving the music. This planet, Rhodia. Absolutely beautiful.

Oh! This is the introduction to Hondo!

So that's a gundark. Interesting. (Although that scene was very dark, hard to see what was going on. Or maybe that's just me.)

Hondo is certainly living up to his reputation. Pick pockets Dooku, accurately notes that letting him contact the separatists would be a bad idea. He's cool. Can't wait to see more.

Embarrased? No shit, you just hauled him in front of his boss. Wonder if Palpatine is waffling on believing it's Dooku so he can let him get away or for some other reason.

I wonder if Hondo is playing up his arrogance/foolishness/drama in order to lull the jedi into a false sense of security.

Still loving the Jedi delivering sick burns.

Nice switch.

I think the lesson may also be, not to underestimate people.

[bunnywan]

girl i will admit to having criticized the jedi order a little unfairly in my day but dear LORD that post of yours is dragging the most fucking basic people incapable of textual analysis of one of the most black and white popular media franchises of all time. like ok nvmd the jedi were perfect actually. angels all of them not a single thing wrong. i get so mad when i see them and your response is always so chill and hilariously dismissive girl i am in AWE and a little in love

i am a pro jedi bitch but have no issue with actual critically thought out takes that aren’t — people have different perspectives. BUT when these people come on my posts with the most absolute BRAINDEAD takes that just go “actually the jedi didn’t do a single thing right. they didn’t WANT to do a single thing right. they were selfish and mean to anakin and they failed the whole galaxy btw palpatine honestly was kinda right to genocide them” IT IS SOOOO CORNY SND EMBARRASSING FOR THEM.

btw the last person i replied to also left a reply from their porn account. and then blocked me. loser.

[this-acuteneurosis]

hello i'd just like to say i absolutely LOVE dlb and all the works in it. i binged the first two works and caught up with duty bound within two days. speaking of duty bound, i love it sm so far and i was just wondering perhaps are we going to see leia break anytime soon? snap maybe? I just think she deserves to go at least a bit feral, y'know as a little treat.

I mean, my short answer is...spoilers. Sorry.

But I'm willing to talk about this a bit conceptually because I've had a lot of comments both on AO3 and here that basically come back to this question.

I'll lead with a short note: I am a big fan of a well placed feral moment. A perfect snap of temper, a breaking point at the top of a long build. Very cathartic.

That being said, one of the things I've very deliberately avoided in this story is Leia being prone to violent outbursts, except in very specific circumstances. Even when she's emotionally compromised.

I'll casually and loosely cite OT canon for this. When captured by Vader, watching Alderaan's destruction, arguing with Han when they are escaping Hoth, captured on Bespin, most of her confrontations with Jabba, when Luke leaves on Endor. None of these situations provoke a violently out of control Leia. Emotional yes. Loud, certainly. Angry? Oh quite visibly.

And I'm definitely a fan of "Leia has a temper/emotionality similar to her father."

But I think it's important, even and especially, when suggesting her temper is like Anakin's, to point out the differences in how they handle that. Anakin/Vader made Bad Choices. He was 1000% sabotaged by Palpatine, who is an excellent manipulator, and even with all of the other good influences in Anakin's life, he ended up controlling, impulsive, and unapologetically aggressive.

I think it's a Big Deal that his daughter, who could so easily be so much like him, had excellent role models that not only taught her how to manage her feelings in theory, but in practice. In spite of how much danger it put her in, they taught her to fight for others, to lie for just causes, to kill when necessary, and to question authority. Which is hilarious because they were also raising her to be a monarch.

What Palpatine implied Anakin had the right to do, Bail and Breha taught Leia she had the responsibility to do conscientiously, compassionately, and with her eyes wide open to the consequences.

And Damn if what happened to Alderaan wasn't a clear and unequivocal illustration of the consequences. (It is quite possible that Tarkin's actions to compel Leia killed more people in one moment than Vader did in his entire life.)

I'm not going to come down hard and say you will never see DLB Leia lose it and punch someone, or shoot them, or possibly Force chuck them into a wall or over a cliff. (I have so little control over these characters, guys, you have no idea.) She has it in her. And I regularly try and illustrate how her thoughts and inclinations can be very violent.

But I don't believe Anakin being Like That was inevitable. Any more than I believe Luke being kind was a genetic quality, or Padmé's passion for justice was something she was just born with. These are things that were fostered in these characters by the people they knew and the circumstances they found themselves in. And I believe that Leia, at her core, is a person with deep feelings on right and wrong and an enormous potential for quick, decisive, and yes even aggressive and violent action.

But she is Leia Naberrie-Skywalker Organa. There was no way her parents let her into the Imperial Senate without teaching her how to politely and even sweetly eviscerate a man with just words until he wished he were dead just so he could escape.

(Joke's on him, Leia can definitely see ghosts.)

[into-daylight-hope]

Qui-Gon Jinn: Certified Hypocrite, Fascinating Failure, Mass of Contradictions

For starters, I am just going to let direct quotes from the man speak for itself.

Some excerpts from Master & Apprentice

Wise words.

Wait a minute...

😯😯 What the hell is happening here? All quotes are from the same man in one book.

Qui-Gon Jinn doesn't have an ounce of self-awareness and it is so hilariously terrible.

What is even better (or worse), this is perfectly in line with The Phantom Menace characterization .

I mean,

Remember when he said all this than spent the rest of the movie obsessing over prophecies, the chosen one and literally the future?

"He still has so much to learn of the living force." Qui-Gon Jinn about Obi-Wan in the council scene

After that scene

"The boy is dangerous. They all sense it why can't you?" Obi-Wan Kenobi about Anakin Skywalker to Qui-Gon Jinn

You see Obi-Wan, Master Jinn here has completely lost any sense of "here and now" between his crusade against darkness and divine mission to save the Galaxy.

This in turn, unsurprisingly blinds him to the fact Anakin is not suitable to become a Jedi. Or at least not ready to directly move on to becoming a padawan.

Anakin himself would suffer in a road that is not meant for him. But he is not planning for Anakin the child. He is thinking about The Glorious Chose One.

He is the chosen one. You all must, see it.

And yet from Qui-Gon's perspective it is Obi-Wan who doesn't understand the Living Force.

I have to say if he is truly a student of the living force as many fans claim he has been failing the class for at least 8 years.

Let's move on to another set of entertaining and horrifyingly oblivious quotes from M&A.

If you look upward you can observe Mr. Here and Now in his natural habitat.

He really acts like future is set in stone than thinks he is the right person to talk about about concentrating in the moment. Unbelievable.

Let's look at this dialogue again. In contrast with the excerpt from above.

He is all about the future when it suits him. But when Obi-Wan makes a remark on it he obviously should just focus on the moment. This is actually the third time in this post where he contradicts himself while specifically chastising or criticizing Obi-Wan for something Qui-Gon actually does.

Now I don't think Qui-Gon acts with malice. But it is important to point out his obliviousness has become a way of ensuring he is never in the wrong.

He suffers from an immense hubris. And a man obsessed with prophecies and chosen ones definitely has some kind of savior complex.

But notably Jinn doesn't actually want to put any effort into enacting real change with his limited yet existent capabilities.

He turns down a council seat in M&A because he thinks it would hold him down. From what? Dear God, the reason they offered him a seat was for different opinions. Qui-Gon can complain all he wants but one time he actually had a chance to make his opinions a reality he freaking bailed.

Why? He doesn't want to face his own limits. He can't bare to try and fail. It is much easier to sustain a superiority complex when you are complaining from the sidewalk.

So he fixates all this belief onto prophecies, visions that will magically cure the Galaxy. And of course his place to help fulfill them. To the point where it is the one thing that keeps him standing.

He has binded meaning of his life and belief for goodness dangerously close to his supposed importance in the Galaxy. (You can feel the influences of his former master)

His absolute refusal to engage with reality turns him into mass of contradictions. Cause he doesn't know what he will find or become if he is mistaken in his belief of himself.

He can't face reinvention on the event of defeat.

But this situation was different. It had to be, because the only thing Qui-Gon knew to be absolutely true was that his vision was real.

Oh by the way, it turned out he misunderstood the vision. But when does being wrong ever stopped Qui-Gon Jinn?

No words.

Only Qui-Gon could have come near declaring himself a prophet after making a mistake. Maybe stop and reflect man? Just stop and think about your actions.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: I have a bad feeling about this.

Qui-Gon Jinn: I don't sense anything.

Of course you don't.

Honestly he doesn't have much to speak for in the cosmic force department either.

(There is the whole force ghost thing I guess. But I have no idea if that is more connected with living or cosmic force. It seems to be more about spiritual enlightenment. Which is ridiculous when you consider Yoda had go through so many trials, face his darkside, learn to truly let go just for Force priestesses to deem him worthy enough to study immortality. Yes Qui-Gon never became a force ghost but he had started his training before he died. And much of Yoda's tests on TCW was about self-awareness. It is not just about being a good person. How did Force Priestesses approve Qui-Gon "I was meant to misinterpret this vision." Jinn? I would understand if he became wiser after death and faced his flaws and all but he never was on that level before he died. You might say even Anakin became a force ghost. But I would remind you, Anakin in the end broke out of denial, acknowledged the wrong of his ways and took that leap to the light side. Self-awareness seems such an important key to becoming a force ghost. Right there with selflessness. Personally it doesn't quite feel right for a character whose biggest flaws are their lack of introspection and hubris which we never see him rise above to be the one that discovers immortality again. It feels more like a rushed plot point to explain how we get from A to B.)

This post got out of control 😂. I honestly just wanted to point out lack of communication might be one of the reasons Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon have trouble understanding each other but it is sometimes even harder to understand Qui-Gon when he actually says something. Cause ration is not what drives him.

Qui-Gon is such a complex character. He is undeniably good especially compared to other SW characters. Yet for all fandom's deifying he might be the most flawed Jedi we see on the franchise. (The ones that fell to the dark side not included.)

It is a shame wider fandom completely write off his flaws to the degree I can't even recognize the character when they talk about Jinn. Cause that Qui-Gon is so hard to feel empathy for.

When people constantly make statements like "He is The Wisest sw character." his hypocrisy stops being amusing. It doesn't end on screen or page instead often used to bash other characters.

An unbelievable analysis from Wookiepedia:

When Jinn saved the Gungan exile Jar Jar Binks, who in turn swore a life-debt to him, his compassionate nature was such that Jinn took the hapless Gungan under his wing, much to Kenobi's dismay. His empathy toward all life forms, including the most pitiful and unfortunate, was Jinn's greatest strength. Additionally, he remained understanding and patient with Queen Padmé Amidala. During the short time they knew each other, he never asked for her to do more than she was willing to.

You know out of the two, Qui-Gon was the one who insulted Jar Jar to his face. And he didn't took Jar Jar under his wing. They forced him to take them to a city where Jar Jar could have been punished for entering. Now it was the pragmatic thing to do. For all three's survival not for their own gain. Understandable. But compassion is just pushing it.

Also he never asked Padme to do more than she was willing to do?

Padmé : Are you sure about this? Trusting our fate to a boy we hardly know? The Queen will not approve.

Qui-Gon Jinn : The Queen does not need to know.

Padmé : Well, I don't approve.

And he is aware she is the queen, herself. Padme was nearly tearing out her because of this man in TPM.

What is weird, Jinn in his bewildering hypocrisy probably thinks he is being admirably compassionate with Jar Jar, highly understanding and patient with Padme. We clearly see he is not.

Out of universe he has been a force ghost for decades now but fandom is nowhere near acknowledging his flaws than he is.

And honestly SW doesn't have that many major morally complex characters. People like Maul, Palpatine, Anakin,Ventress don't think they are serving a higher purpose or oblivious to the evils they commit.

Emotionally complicated, yes. Going through moral dilemmas, no.

Three major characters come to mind who make huge mistakes, condone or commit atrocities while thinking they are in the right/with good intentions/for a greater cause. With varying degrees of culpability.

Qui-Gon. Padme. Dooku.

In that order.

Let these characters be interesting instead of demonizing nearly inhumanly selfless Jedi characters. (They make mistakes too but funnily enough they are still way better beings than most people on our planet.)

By the way I found the epitaph "Fascinating Failure" from the article here. Especially the last paragraphs make some interesting points. ⬇️

👀

This post might seem harsh but that is expected since it focuses on Qui-Gon's flaws.

"People are more than their worst act,” Quote from Qui-Gon Jinn in Master & Apprentice

[anxiouslittlepossum]

okay just started watching the og clone wars and like

palpatine is so obviously evil its almost funny like is yoda blind?

anakin voice sounds so damn whiny i cant stop laughing

love how none of the ARC troopers say or do anything while their ship is going down, and on fire. they just pop out like it was the smoothest landing of their lives. what chads. what legends.

i am dead. the sounds the blasters make make. hilarious

oh yeah sure just nuke the entire block thats cool. Where are the civilians?

sir where did you come from. magic rope????? blow it up then leave??? these guys are on a whole new level i swear

that surveillance tech is so sweet why isn’t it in the 08 version its so slick

okay so its been purely hand signals by these guys and im loving it makes them so cool like they know what theyre doing, but after talking to General Kenobi, suddenly the hand signals have sound and homeboy just cracked his elbow. Like a get it i do that too but where did the sound come from

man oh man you can’t not love these clones. theyre so cool cant wait to see more of them.

oh Kit Fistos here. Oh No

yep hes a badass

03 clone wars is so cool so far im enjoying but short attention span go wheeee

[mrs-perfectly-fine]

Clone Wars Characters As Nick Miller Quotes:

Anakin Skywalker: I know this isn’t going to end well, but the middle part is going to be awesome.

Obi Wan Kenobi: It smells like leather and Teddy Roosevelt and wistfulness.

Ashoka Tano: If I had a dollar for everyone I couldn’t hang out with because they hated Schmidt Anakin, I’d be rich.

Captain Rex: Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.

Padme Amidala: Pink robes are my catnip.

Commander Cody: I like getting older. I feel like I am finally aging into my personality.

ARC Trooper Fives: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.

Commander Fox: (“Would you consider us adorable?”) No, we’re adult men. We’re cute.

Commander Wolffe (and Plo Koon): Of course I make decisions. How do you think I’m wearing clothes right now?
(Plo Koon: “I lay those out for you, Wolffe.”)

Clone Troooer Heavy: If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called ‘talkings’.

Hunter: I only wanna make a drink a coal miner would want. Straight forward. Honest. Something that says, ‘I work in a hole.’

ARC Trooper Echo: All right. *sighs* Trust the process.

Wrecker: I hate doors!

Tech: I moved to LA to get closer to whales so I could record them.

Crosshair: Nick Miller Trooper Crosshair, turning lemonade into lemons since 1981.

Trace Martez: Is calling a girl ‘Shorty’ still cool?

Rafa Martez: A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls.

Yoda: Nothing is ever truly broken.

Qui-Gon Jinn: I am not a successful adult. I don’t eat vegetables and/or take care of myself.

General Grievous: I’m very quick on my… uh…. (“Did you just forget the word fest”) Feet, yeah.

Mace Windu: Light is always more beautiful when it has to fight to be noticed, like sunlight fighting through the clouds after a rainstorm.

Count Dooku: I have decided to give up on women good and put all of that energy into tomatoes bad.

Palpatine: You’re allowed to be happy, but it’s really annoying the way you’re doing it.

Darth Maul: *sarcastic* No part of this conversation is making me wanna boil over with rage.

Cad Bane: Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? No, a summer’s day is not a bitch!

R2-D2: I can’t believe I’m the sober one. That’s actually never happened before in my life.

Hondo Ohnaka: You’re a terrible person. It’s hilarious

Bo-Katan Kryze: I’ve never been an inspiration before… I don’t like this much responsibility.

Asajj Ventress: Life sucks. Then it gets better. Then it sucks again.

Bail Organa: Twenty pages. And they’re all good……. Some of them are good……. Five pages are good……. I really like the title.

Shaak Ti: I fell in love with Jess clones the minute she they walked through the door.

C-3P0: I can’t work under pressure like this, you know that I get nervous.

Satine Kryze: Stop being so mean polite to me or I swear to God I’m gonna fall in love with you.

Luminara Unduli: I once saw a zebra named Gavin give birth at the zoo and I cried hysterically.

Clone Trooper 99: Beauty is not always as perfect as we imagine it to be, but it can be damn close if we learn to accept the scary parts or the ugly parts.

[newswcanonprompts]

Skywalkers are immortal eldritch fucks (there’s so many ways this can go)

1. How does being half-force affect Anakin as a force ghost

Anakin... wasn't properly dead. just a bit too present, a bit too lively, and that if only someone pulled hard enough on the veil, he could be made to bleed again.

Anakin just keeps coming back to life, And so do Luke and Leia when they die.

"You've done it, you've killed Anakin fucking Skywalker. Wait, why is he standing behind you? Where's his body gone? Oh fuck, what is that expression? Oh no!"

This happens to Vader and terrifies the f*ck out of literally everyone

the man is the son of the Force, yes? how could he "become one with it" if he basically already was part of it? or at least, made of it?

It'd be either kinda horrifying or basically a regenerate-your-limbs get out of jail free card

Anakin turns up in Luke's temple one day, like "hey turns out I can't die"

Luke is just happy to have a Dad

imagine the backlash if that little factoid ever went public. "What do you mean Darth Vader can't die???"

"You mean he's alive right now????"

Obi-Wan realising he can't have a peaceful retirement in the afterlife because Anakin's apparently immortal now

Anakin starts trying to figure out how to make Obi wan immortal too

Ahsoka is so confused at everything

"You look a lot like the Hero with No Fear from the Clone Wars. Are you his grandson or something?" 

"Nope, I am him." 

"Freaking weird Jedi and their not aging."

 2. how terrifying it would have been if during the Dooku fight in AOTC his arm just regrew the moment it was cut off

3. them realizing this during the clone wars: CHECKMATE BITCHES

imagine the propaganda if there was a General who literally couldn't die

the Seperatists wouldn't know which way was up anymore

Anakin realised he had this sort of ability during the clone wars it would be hilarious to see him just throwing himself at things

he could protect his men better

Imagine how distressing it would be for a shiny to just see their general die and then come back seconds later

And Rex being like "Yep, the general does that."

just rubbing his eyes. and being completely done

Imagine the bitching sessions with Cody "At least yours resurrects! Mine just runs off without his kriffing lightsaber and armor all the time!"

clone boys have a heart attack whenever their general just decides to regrow limbs

rex faints the first time he sees anakin's arm grow back.

instead of the whole "my general keeps losing his lightsaber" it becomes "my general keeps losing his arm"

"My general keeps dying."

"Oh, how many have you been assigned to now?"

"No, no, he gets better again afterwards."

the 501st never tell the shinies that their general is immortal because the vets like to fuck around like that

it's kind of a right of passage for shinies to almost have a heart attack when the general comes back from the dead

Anakin is basically just the "if all else fails" option at that point because no matter what happens to him, he will be back at the temple annoying the hell out of everyone before dinner time

Anakin gets mortally wounded and is like "Well, I'll see you in five."

Droids: * shoot Anakin *

 * Anakin: * dies * 

Anakin, 5 minutes later in the middle of a crowd of droids: SURPRISE BITCHES!! * Murders them all *

Anakin dying to Dooku at the end of Attack of the Clones and then coming back and Dooku just being like "Fuck this shit I'm out."

him coming back and chasing dooku with his arm

Imagine the moment they find out Anakin can come back from the dead:

Ahsoka and Obi-Wan just sobbing their hearts out and then suddenly he's behind them like "Hey, bold of you to presume I'm mortal."

He pulls a Percy Jackson, and walks into his funeral.

mace windu utters a quiet "are you fucking kidding me"

next time anakin dies, his funeral includes a "welcome home anakin" banner

Mace stops letting the Yoda Lineage have funerals because they don't stay dead

They keep having funerals for Anakin just as an excuse to have a party

what if politicians don't know this. like the first time he dies during the war, and all the diplomats are there. Except Padme. She knows all and is just there to see the chaos.

They're usually private funerals, so they can keep inviting new people to screw with

"general skywalker just died"

"senator he's right here"

"i saw him die protecting me right before my eyes"

"senator do you need the healers?"

Obi-Wan, just watched Anakin go splat at the bottom of a ravine:

“ANAKIN!!”

Anakin, popping back into the mortal coil just behind him: “Yeah? What's up?”

obi-wan finding out about a Anakins thing and keeping it a secret,

so one day anakin dies and the whole council is like, mourning

obi-wan is just rolling his eyes and saying “it’s fine he’ll be back”

everyone thinks obi-wans having a mental breakdown

but then anakin walks into his funeral with a cup of caf and sunglasses and flashes everyone a peace sign

All of Yoda’s lineage (except dooku) and padme know.

"can you guys not cover me in white next time? it's pretty boring"

"can i get, like, glitter? is that a thing? make it a thing"

Skywalkers can also breath in space.

They just don’t have to breathe. 

4. THE FORCE IS A PROACTIVE PARENT IN THIS (AND AGENDER) (THEY/THEM PRONOUNS)

during the time it takes for him to resurrect, the force and anakin talked.

Bc that's the only time he could talk with a tangible parent.

he learns about palps that way

one time Anakin dies twice in one day

turns out the ability has a bit of a cooldown time so everyone's just panicking a bit because he should be back by now

then he appears like three days later

Obi-Wan's like "You bastard."

"Gotta keep you on your toes."

Really his parent just wanted some more time with him, and who was he to refuse?

a cracky! anakin basically having annual dinners with The Force because of how often he dies in the clone wars

in this verse the clone wars was created so Anakin & his parent The Force can have family dinners

Mortis, but instead of All That Nonsense, it's just a nice episode of meet the parent

padme dies, and then at her funeral she comes back, but force sensitive.

force sensitive, immortal, padme amidala. The seppies are going DOWN

The Force wills Padme to die because The Force wants to meet their daughter in law

It does this for basically everyone Anakin cares about

sometimes anakin and padme just drop dead, and wake up a few hours later bc they had a family dinner to get to.

"I'm going to kill you" is suddenly the literal way for Anakin to say "I love you"

Anakin dies on Mandalore and Satine witnesses it and she's horrified and doesn't know what to tell Obi-Wan but then she sees Obi-Wan talking to Anakin and she's so confused

So if anakin kills you and you’re someone he cares about you come back to life immortal.

Death By Skywalker basically being a way of becoming immortal is gonna fuck with the war so much

when Palpatine tells Anakin to kill all the jedi he thinks Palpatine is telling him to invite all the jedi to his Force Family Dinner

One day the entire Jedi temple just dies all at once, and comes back a couple hours later, to the confusion of literally everyone (including the Jedi)

yoda is frequently killed to spend time with the force because after 900 years the two of them are tight as fuck

Anakin doesn’t have attachment issues in this bc hey, people die all the time! :)

He also ends up being worshipped as a demigod.

More Angsty version of this: young anakin kills palps bc he thinks he'll resurrect, but then the tangible form of the force appears and explains that he was the sith master.

Palpatine would probably actually try to get Anakin to kill him, because hey! Free immortality! Don't mind if i do!

5. Imagine if this was something he discovered as a little kid. Anakin going off to visit Qui-Gon in the force and Obi-Wan wondering what eldritch beast he has ended up with as a padawan

"Anakin what are you doing?"

"I'm making master Qui-Gon a friendship bracelet?"

"...master qui gon?"

"yeah! i gave one to my parent yesterday and master qui-gon said he wanted one too!"

"Your parent? when exactly was this yesterday?"

anakin being a convoy for dead masters and their old padawans like Weed Dad qui gon jinn and his Struggling Son obi wan

anakin has two parents

Parent and Mom

[elionwriter]

STAR WARS TOP 10 CHARACTERS AND RELATIONSHIPS (PART 2)

4) ASHOKA TANO ( + OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN = THE ORIGINAL TRIO)

While Ashoka on her own deserves the spot and I would normally slide Obi-Wan in the next position and I already pretty much gave Anakin Skywalker a position on the list I felt the need to stack them here not only because their family/friendship bond is one of the best in the entire saga but I also feel that these three really shine the most when put together!

While there are other noticeable characters from her species, Ashoka is the ultimate Togruta pride! Badass, sassy, awesome and wields the double lightsaber in the reverse grip like no one else. She goes from impertinent and immature kid to possibly the most mystical, wise and strong character of all. While never appearing in the movies, Ashoka is always there, snaking her way through all the major events of the Galaxy, facing the complexities and contradictions of each in her unique way. If Obi-Wan is the true Jedi, the one that marries completely the rules, responsibilities and philosophy of his title in it's purest form, Ashoka still pretty much manages to do the same while walking away from the order and its doctrine. They both represent what Jedi should be, the legendary figures the normal people in the Galaxy need and can place their faith in. In many ways, I think what doomed Anakin Skywalker (beyond a lifelong brainwashing from Palpatine) is that he was caught in the middle. He saw all the faults and corruption in the order and couldn't embrace it like his master but couldn't even cut ties like his padawan. Ashoka also gets cookie points for giving Anakin retribution headaches for all those he gave Obi-Wan throughout his own training.

5) R2D2 & C3PO =

Repeat after me: droids are better than humans! Star Wars really does seem to firmly make a point of this since almost all droids introduced in the series are awesome! BB8, Chopper, IG-11, HK-47 (ok, he's not canon, but he's so cool and fun he at least deserves a mention), you name it, but nobody takes the cake quite like these two. They have truly stuck together through thick and thin, countless masters and the most suicidal missions always managing to come out on top. If you think about it, they have witnessed all the dramatic, key events of the Galaxy of their age first hand and have contributed to its history more than any singular hero/villain. The fact that they manage to keep their bolts together through not one but THREE generations of Skywalker drama should already be considered an incredible feat in and out of itself but they do that while remaining the most hilarious and consistent characters of the saga. Their "love /can't bare you" relationship is both hilarious and heartwarming and their personality is so fully fleshed out that at times their reaction to situations is more grounding and relatable than the humans'. These reasons and the fact that they are inextricably bonded to the Skywalker family, almost acting like their guardian angels or family spirits are proof that these two deserve this spot on the list. The force disappoints, R2 and 3PO do not. May the droids be with you!

6) Cal Kestis & BD1 =

All hail the Poncho boy. Right off the bat I'm going to admit something: I have a type and my type is cute redheads. That said, I am very biased when considering Cal but I do honestly have solid reasons for placing him on the list. Not only was Cal caught in the whirlpool that was order66 at an incredibly young age, he has carried himself as a Jedi at heart throughout the entire time he was forced into hiding with an incredibly humble and kind personality holding dear the true principals of the order but he also managed to make incredibly difficult and brave decisions at the end of Jedi: Fallen Order. Cal has an incredibly rare force gift that sets him aside from the rest and a capacity to forgive and believe in others that matches Luke Skywalker's. And his adorable little droid that spends the entire game mostly perched on his shoulder is a perfect counterpart. While talking only in binary BD-1's sweet, loyal and hopeful personality really manages to shine through. I already said that droids are amazing but BD's willing sacrifice to forget his original master fully believing in Cal's ability to come through with the holocron mission even before knowing him really sets him aside from this already incredible category. Also, and it must be said, Cal delivers one of my favourite lines ever "I'm trash, just not approved trash". Oh boy do I hope EAgames and Ubisoft pull out a sequel to Jedi: Fallen Order, I just can't wait to get more of these two!

[space-girl-and-droids-art]

Clone Wars: Stories of Light and Dark- Book Review

“Clone Wars: Stories of Light and Dark” Is an anthology of stories narrating some of the arcs of the clone wars from the perspective of the characters. It gives more details and depth to some episodes, as well as giving us information that makes us have a different view of the events.

This is not exactly a review, but mostly my reactions to reading the book. I do recommend it, if you loved the clone wars and want another perspective on some of the arcs this will be a good read. That said, this does contain spoilers for the clone wars.

#1 “Sharing the same Face” -Jason Fry (from the episode “Ambush”)

Okay this was once one of the most light-hearted episodes of the series and now I ended up crying. I did not expect an order 66 reference here. Every time Yoda addresses Dooku is painful. Seeing how Yoda perceives the clones is really heart-warming, but knowing how it all turns out in the end is really sad and during the whole text you are really aware of that. In the show you kind of forget about what’s going to happen for a while, but this text just keeps you thinking about it constantly. It was a good read, I loved it. I found it really interesting knowing Yoda approaches the clones the same way he approached his students at the temple, and knowing what his opinions on the clone army it was a good detail. Loved this one.

Did I care that much about this episode before? No. But watching it right after reading this made me cry for half an hour. (I am a really emotional person, so take this with a grain of salt.)

#2 “Dooku Captured”- Lou Anders (From the episodes “Dooku Captured” and “Gungan General”.

This was a funny read, and the fact that the events are narrated by Dooku Himself made it even more hilarious. It’s supposedly a holorecording Dooku was doing for Sidious, and you can tell by his words that he was so done. Poor Dooku deserves a meditation day after it. You can tell how annoyed he was by the whole situation and his perception of Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi. They really are bothering for the count. I’m surprised he didn’t retire after this event, man’s gotta be really tired. Also, when they were tied together, they just shared a braincell and most of the time, Dooku was the one carrying it. The love he had for Qui-Gon does not extend to rest of the lineage, clearly.

At first it was really slow, but after they get captured by the pirates it just gets funnier. Good story to read after the sadness the previous text gave me.

Also, the fact that Dooku canonically records himself venting to Sidious is hilarious to me. Like, can you imagine being Palpatine and receiving daily vlogs from your apprentice ranting and complaining about Anakin and Obi-Wan? Dude was tired, of course he would let Anakin decapitate him in the end.

#3 “Hostage Crisis”- Preeti Chhibber (from the episode “Hostage Crisis”)

For an Anidala shipper this is a must read, because you will know exactly what Anakin thinks of his wife and how he views Padmé. This text was more Anakin centric (I believe the next one is Padmé centric) and it was a delight. I haven’t read much in canon about stuff that involves Anakin’s feelings so this was really good.

The scene from the beginning of the episode? Is hotter when you read it, trust me. For a clearly SFW text, this was intense. I’m pretty sure I can guess all of Anakin’s kink only by what was implied in his thoughts. Is also really sweet to see how much she cares, but also know why everything went downhill at the end. Good retelling.

#4 “Pursuit of Peace”- Anne Ursu (from the episodes “Heroes on both sides” and “Pursuit of Peace”)

I really love Padmé Amidala. My favorite senator. If you have seen my review of Queen’s Peril you KNOW How much I love her, and even when this text was written by another author, I still got the same feeling about her. Padmé is amazing. This arc is one of my favorite of the Clone wars because it’s the arc that let you see that it wasn’t a black and white kind of situation, both sides were being played. An none of them were really worrying about their people, they were in it for the money. I love reading Padmé’s thoughts on the whole situation. Also, the way this story is written makes what went down with Padmé and Anakin in the third episode make more sense and more in character. She is a strong, good, and smart politician. But she is also motivated to see the light in the dark and preserve the light, it gave me major Qui-Gon from “Master and Apprentice” vibes. It did make me tear up a little, because when I finished it, I realized everything she did was for nothing. She was too kind in a galaxy already so corrupted.

Also, Palpatine stop calling her “my child” you disgusting sith lord, I know you are responsible for her death and so do you, so shut the f up. Padmé was doing everything right and she hasn’t done anything wrong in her life whatsoever.

“Just because there’s darkness in something does not mean you do not love it. You show it love, you show it light, and you hope it chooses the light”.

She was talking about the senate but you just KNOW she isn’t really talking about the senate.

This story re-telling broke me, just as the first one. I am not ready for the next one. Do I have to? Man, I really don’t want to go through Umbara again.

#5 “The Shadow of Umbara” -Yoon Ha Lee (from the episodes "Darkness on Umbara," "The General," "Plan of Dissent," and "Carnage of Krell”)

I was, indeed, not ready for it. It doesn’t really add much to the story… except pain. Rex’s pain, to be precise. Let my man mourn Hardcase :C I just wanted to give him a hug, him and all of the clones to be honest. Fives was as good as always, but re-reading his lines knowing what happens to him made me sad. I hate Pong Krell, get you dirty hands off my babies. I don’t think this re- telling made me sadder, but that’s only because it was just as painful as the episodes.

Dogma my beloved, you deserve everything.

I love how this arc develops Rex character and his attitude towards the war in general.

#6 “Bane’s Story”- Tom Angleberger (from the episodes “Deception”, “Friends and Enemies”, “The Box” and “Crisis on Naboo”.)

Is Cad Bane the Regina George of the Bounty Hunters?

The answer is yes. Yes, he is.

I wasn’t really excited to read about Cad Bane at first, I felt that everything that had to be said about the guy had already been stated in the show. He was just a mean bounty hunter in space. But this was actually pretty funny to read, specially because it’s narrated in first person from Bane’s perspective on what happened with Kenobi. And it’s hilarious.

He is basically re telling the events to Boba and Bossk while he is in jail again. During his story you can learn a few things about him as well, specially what his thoughts are in relation to some important topics. You would think he is only concerned about the money and blasting people, and you would be right. But he also does have an opinion on what’s happening on the galaxy at large, on the jedi, on Palpatine and Dooku. But those opinions don’t affect how he gets the job done. It was really interesting seeing him internally judging Kenobi for being a liar, and knowing something is wrong with the jedi order if they pulled that off. He knows everyone is being deceived, but doesn’t know how. That’s why he doesn’t care, and doesn’t get involved on anything unless you offer to pay him. Money moves him, but not the people who has it.

It was a good story, and I also liked to see how Bane respects Boba and sees him as the one that’s going to take his place eventually.

We know from the deleted episodes that Cad Bane was supposed to be killed by Boba Fett, but we haven’t seen that in canon yet. I really hope they answer what happened to Cad Bane in the current canon, I would love to see that in a comic, or in a book.

#7 “The lost nightsister”- Zoraida Cordova (from the episode “Bounty”)

I love Asajj Ventress for a million reasons and this story just made me love her even more. It’s the same story from the episodes but with an insight of what Ventress is thinking about. Which is unsurprisingly very depressing but the story itself turns out to be pretty uplifting.

It’s about her thoughts on what happened after the massacre of her sisters, her family, and how she deals with everything she had already lost. How lonely and worthless she feels. But during the course of the story, we see her reconnecting with who she is, and learning her value. Learning she is a powerful person, master or not.

It was also really sad to see how she compared herself to others. She was really sad and angry that nobody cared about what happened to her people, no one that cared about her. She saw how people wanted the girl in the box back and thought about how nobody would ever do the same for her and it was sad.

I also find very depressing that she couldn’t mourn her family.

But then she said this:

“What made her so special? What made her worth—No. She couldn’t think that way. This girl’s worth didn’t diminish her own. “

And like, I’m 100% rooting for her here.

Also, I love that once she realized the girl from the box was being smuggled to be essentially a child bride, she didn’t hesitate to scam the old creep. She may be an assassin, but during the course of this story you learn that she is disgusted by men who take advantage of female beings. I also love her internal monologue after the guy was bothering her in the cantina and how she just knows that if she can defend herself, she will do it with no hesitation.

Lovely story, I love knowing more about Ventress. Beautifully written.

#8"Dark Vengeance”-Rebecca Roanhorse (from the episodes "Brothers" and "Revenge")

It’s so on brand for Darth Maul to have his entire story be about Kenobi. It’s narrated by him, but directed towards you, like he is telling the reader a story. That in some stories could be like an awkward thing, but here it was well done. I love Maul and like, I could picture us having that conversation, well, me listening to him monologuing.

I really liked that he started telling the story from the events that happened on Naboo. You get to really see what happened from his perspective and understand why his hatred of Kenobi only grows over time.

Also, Darth Maul was like “I can excuse murder, but I draw the line at being rude”. Which is so morally wrong, but very fitting to his character. He is really upset at Kenobi for not caring about what happened to him. From what I gathered of the info that he let us know, he would probably like it more if Kenobi killed him instead of having to spend all those years in the garbage. Nobody cared for him enough to go and check up on what happened to him. That doesn’t excuse murder though.

The interactions he had with Kenobi let us know that it was not very jedi like the way he treated Maul, ignoring his rage and letting it consume him. Obi-wan just kept adding fuel to the fire because he was also really angry at Maul for the murder of Qui-Gon, not realizing that that would only make Maul be even angrier. And we know how that ended up for Satine Kenobi.

Final thoughts: Savage, I love you.

#9 "Almost a Jedi"-Sarah Beth Durst (from the episode "A Necessary Bond")

I thought this story was going to be from Ahsoka’s point of view. It was not.

I’m not mad at it though.

The story itself does focus on Ahsoka but it’s narrated by Katooni. It’s basically about how much she adores Ahsoka and wants to be like her, but also doubts herself a lot. She thinks she is not good enough to be a jedi. But her experiences both with Ahsoka and with Hondo Ohnaka makes her change her mind.

I want to say that I love the fact that it’s canon that she drew a poster of Ahsoka for her room because she really admired her that much it's so wholesome. It’s cute, and also let us see the perception the younglings had of Ahsoka.

Also, the bond between Hondo and Katooni is really wholesome. This also made me realize that this encounter with a young jedi is the reason he is immediately friendly with Ezra in Rebels. Ezra and Katooni do share similar personality traits sometimes.

Deep diving in Wookiepedia after reading this I found out that Hondo’s ship in Galaxy’s Edge is called “The Katooni” and now I’m sad thinking he was probably devastated when he learnt about Order 66 and what Vader did to the younglings. Great now I’m angsty about a chaotic evil space pirate.

I think it was confirmed by Dave Filoni that those kids are dead now. May the force be with them, they were good enough jedis.

#10 "Kenobi's Shadow"-Greg van Eekhout (from the episode "The Lawless”)

This is the re-telling of one of the saddest clone wars episodes. The episode just lets you think that everything’s going to be alright, that they are going to survive together, lets you hope that they take off just in time… and then it doesn’t happen. I’m still not over Satine’s death. And this made it even sadder. There were so many points their story could’ve gone differently, but their story was already at an end.

This is in third person but heavily focusing on Kenobi’s thoughts along the way. He really was close to turn to the dark side, but his love for Satine and his grief made him not surrender to it. But he felt an anger, a justified one, but an anger that I have never seen in a jedi other than Anakin Skywalker. And we all know what happens to him.

It was a good but sad reading. I won’t be reading this one again. It’s too much. I knew what was going to happen and it still hit me hard. I wish things would’ve gone differently for the both of them. I wonder if we will get flashbacks to this in the Kenobi show.

Also, I really need an Obi-Wan Kenobi and Satine book of their time on the run.

#11 "Bug"-E. Anne Convery (inspired by the episode "Massacre”)

I can’t talk openly about this story because it’s not actually featured on the clone wars. It’s a really good story, specially if you want to expand on the lore regarding Dathomir and the Nightsister in the new canon. It’s perfectly executed, and even when the story isn’t about any of the main characters it hooked me from start to finish. Definitely one of my favorite stories of the book and If I had to pick one story from this anthology to read again it would be this one.

It has more gruesome details than the others and the atmosphere is dark, and I loved it. I would read a whole Dathomirian Nightsister novel written by this author if it was in this exact same style. I really liked it a lot.

In summary, I really enjoyed reading this Anthology. I would really recommend it to anyone who is fond of the Clone Wars or the prequels era. Adults, Kids, Teens, Young adults. I think I would’ve enjoyed this book as a kid as well, and I enjoyed it a lot now in my early twenties. It contains a little bit of everything and that makes it a really complete anthology.