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blxckdragonfly · 1 year ago

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POV (Darkness Finds You Universe Drabble #5)

(Song: "pov" by Ariana Grande.

Pairing: Chris Motionless x Lycia Winters "Pronunciation of her name-- Lai-shuh" (played by Ana De Armas)

Synopsis: When Motionless In White are filming their music video for Sign of Life, Lycia has another traumatic flashback when she sees Chris lying in the hospital bed and the sight of him in his new purple hair becomes Lycia's newest obsession.

Warnings: Panic Attack, Mention of Overdose, Slight Smut

Word Count: 4,306

A/N: And we're back! I'm so excited to write something now that I've seen Chris in his purple hair. I love it so much. I hope you all like the piece too. x Tiger and co-written with @blackrose-92!)

“Sign of Life” Music Video Set: September 6th, 2023.

Today I’m in LA as Chris and Motionless In White are filming their newest music video for their song, Sign of Life. I’m taking some behind the scenes photos for Jeremy and Outburn Magazine for our latest issue. I wear a simple outfit– a matte scarlet tank top that brings out the gold of my wolf necklace from Black Milk Clothing with a pair of black faux leather leggings. I have my hair up in a ponytail, gold hoop earrings to match my necklace and gold coffin ring and my camera around my neck. I watch as Chris is being filmed as he’s laying in a hospital bed on the set, the sound of the machines that are hooked to him beeping away.

My heart starts racing in my chest as I watch the scene unfold before my eyes, Chris lay still in the hospital bed while the cameras rolled, capturing each detail of his lifeless form. The beeps of the machines in the background echoed in my ears, reminding me of the beeping that I’d heard once before.

I’m laying in my own hospital bed, my eyes opening as I see that I’m hooked up to machines that beep loudly as well as looking out the window and seeing that it’s sunset outside, I look around, confused as to how I’d gotten myself here. I hear the door to the hospital room open and a nurse walks in.

“You’re awake, Ms. Winters,” The nurse says as she’s writing down on a clipboard. “Do you know why you’re here?”

“N-No,” My throat is dry and I try to clear it as best as I can.

“You nearly died of a heroin overdose, you had two heart attacks and a stroke. We were surprised that you were able to pull through.”

Tears fill my eyes as I lay my head back down on the pillows and I start to cry as I piece it all together– that this happened because of me losing Marcus and turning to drugs to numb the void of grief.

Trembling, I drop my camera and sink to the floor– the room spinning around me. The crew rush over to me and try to help me up but I can’t move. My mind’s trapped back in the past, reliving the moments of fear and uncertainty that I’d felt almost four and a half years ago.

All I can see are the bright lights of the hospital room, the smell of disinfectant filling my nostrils, the sound of the beeping machines and the sight of my own frail body lying motionless in the hospital bed. Tears stream down my face as the memories flood back, consuming me.

It's like you got superpowers

Turn my minutes into hours

You got more than 20/20, babe

Made of glass, the way you see through me

I panic as I curl myself up into a ball. I want to get away from this scene as soon as I can but I know that I’m trapped. I sob as I bury my face into my knees, my body shaking.

A few moments later, I hear a familiar voice calling my name and I slowly look up to see Chris, who has knelt down in front of me, wearing his white hospital outfit. He tries to reach out and touch me but I flinch, moving further back as my breathing and heart rate increase.

“Lycia, hey. It’s me. You’re okay, honey,” Chris murmurs as he moves his hand towards me again.

I recoil from Chris’s touch, my mind is unable to grasp what’s happening. Everything seems to be happening in slow motion as I watch Chris’s hand move closer to me, it’s as if my body’s betraying me by shutting down. I know what’s happening, I’m having a panic attack but the knowledge didn’t make it any easier to deal with.

Chris hesitates before he slowly withdraws his hand, giving me the space I need. He knows what a panic attack looks like, but this is different, worse somehow. He doesn’t want to touch me in case he makes things worse, but he doesn’t want to leave me alone either.

“Lycia, baby, please talk to me. What happened? Why are you panicking like this?” Chris asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

For a minute, I can’t speak, my mind scrambles and thoughts are jumbled. But slowly, as Chris’s presence registers in my mind, I start to calm down, my breathing less labored.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my voice filled with shame. “I just had a flashback to when I was back in the hospital for my overdose. It brought back such bad memories.”

Chris nods, his face filled with empathy as he remembers me telling him about my fatal overdose after I lost Marcus.

“Shh, hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize,” He whispers, his fingers brushing against mine lightly. “I’m here for you, Lycia. I always will be.”

I look up at Chris, my heart bursting with gratitude at the love and support that he’s providing me. His calm presence is like an anchor, grounding me in the present and reminding me that I’m safe. I realize how vulnerable I feel at this moment but I also know that I’m perfectly safe with Chris. I look at him with a mixture of fear and gratitude, grateful that he’s here for me despite my fears and doubts.

It’s then that I realize how much I love Chris, how much he means to me. I want to hold onto him, keep him close to me and never let go, to feel his warm breath on my skin and feel his warmth around me.

Without speaking a single word, I reach out and take Chris’s tattooed hand in my own white and black tip nailed hand, squeezing it tightly, my thumb tracing the jack o’ lantern on the back of his hand.

He looks at me with a mixture of concern and love, his brown eyes full of an understanding that only we share.

“I love you, Chris,” I whisper, my voice trembling with emotion.

Chris leans forward and wraps his arms around me tightly, holding me close to his chest and he strokes my caramel brown hair gently, whispering sweet words of comfort and affection into my ear.

“I love you too, Lycia. I will always be here for you, no matter what,” Chris says, his voice full of warmth and sincerity. I feel a sense of peace wash over me as Chris’s words fill my heart with joy and love. I know deep down that he’s my soulmate, the one person who understands me completely and loves me unconditionally.

I look up at him, my yellow-green hazel eyes shining with tears of gratitude and love, and I kiss him softly on the lips. Chris responds eagerly, his lips melting into mine as we share a passionate, heartfelt kiss.

You know me better than I do

Can't seem to keep nothing from you

How you touch my soul from the outside

Permeate my ego and my pride

For a few moments we forget about the cameras and the studio that’s made to look like a hospital room, lost in the intensity of our love for each other. Our bodies intertwine, our hearts beating as one as we express our deep and profound love for each other.

As we pull away, my breathing has returned to normal and a small smile graces my lips. Everything feels lighter, easier with Chris by my side. Chris leans forward, his nose nuzzling into my neck as he inhales my scent deeply.

“You smell like home, Lycia,” He murmurs, his voice muffled in my skin. I grin and pull him closer, enjoying the feeling of his closeness.

“You feel like home to me,” I whisper back, my voice full of the same love and affection I feel for him. Chris softly chuckles, his head still tucked into my neck as he strokes my caramel brown hair gently.

“That’s because we are home, Lycia,” He says, his voice barely above a whisper. “We are each other’s home.”

I close my eyes, feeling content and safe in Chris’s arms. We stay like that for a few moments, wrapped in our own little bubble of love and safety. I feel like I can stay here forever, just breathing in Chris’s scent of his cologne with the slightest hint of coffee and pumpkin spice and feeling the steady beat of his heart against mine.

I wanna love me (Ooh)

The way that you love me (Ooh)

Ooh, for all of my pretty and all of my ugly too

I'd love to see me from your point of view

I wanna trust me (Trust me)

The way that you trust me (Trust me)

Ooh, 'cause nobody ever loved me like you do

I'd love to see me from your point of view

But eventually, we have to break apart and continue our work. I pick up my camera from where it had fallen and start snapping pictures again, my mind filled with thoughts of Chris and the love we share.

✦✦✦✦

I continue onward with taking photos of Chris and his bandmates in Motionless In White after taking another deep breath and getting my head back on straight, until they told to change into their second look for the music video where they would be performing the song Sign of Life, I notice that Chris has changed back into his Cyberhex windbreaker with his Fabric of The Universe pants and his boots that I’ve seen him on stage when he’d headline the Dark Horizon tour. I notice that his hair is no longer black, it’s purple and spiky which makes my jaw hit the floor.

I’m surprised by the sudden change in Chris’s appearance. I know that he’d dyed his hair before and had always gone from black to blonde frequently but this is different, the deep purple shade looks even more vibrant and striking than I’ve expected.

I can’t deny that it suits him perfectly and it makes him look even more attractive than before, which I love. I can’t keep my eyes off the man I call my boyfriend.

Chris catches me staring, his brown eyes meeting my yellow-green hazel eyes and grins mischievously.

“What do you think, honey? Do I look like a proper rock star now?” Chris asks, winking at me.

I shake my head at him, trying to not hide my smile but the blush that covers my cheeks.

“You always look like a rock star, Chris,” I say, my voice filled with warmth and amused affection as I set my camera down for a moment and reach up with my fingers to run them through his new hair. “But the hair definitely adds something extra.”

Chris chuckles at my comment, feeling a warm sensation fill his chest as I play with his hair.

“Well, I’m glad you approve, babe. I think this is my new favorite color,” He replies, his voice deepening as he leans in to place a soft kiss on my lips.

I feel a jolt of electricity course through my body at his touch, my lips parting slightly as I respond to his kiss. I can’t help but feel myself growing aroused at the sight of him with his new look. Chris’s already incredibly sexy, but with the addition of his purple hair, he’s breathtaking.

As we broke away from our kiss, Chris smirks at me, his hand moving to trail down the curve of my waist.

“You know, honey, I could use a little break from filming. Maybe we can sneak away for a little while,” He whispers in my ear, his breath hot against my skin.

I feel my pulse quicken at his words, a flush spreading across my cheeks as I look up at him with a mixture of desire and hesitation.

“What about the shoot?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. Chris chuckles at my question, his lips curling into a teasing smile.

“They won’t even notice that we’re gone,” He says, his hand moving to my back as he leans in and kisses me again, this time deeper and more passionate.

I moan into his mouth, my hands running up his chest and tangling in his short purple hair as we kiss. I know that we shouldn’t be doing this, especially when I’m on assignment for Jeremy but I can’t resist Chris’s touch. He always has a way of making me lose all my inhibitions and just live in the moment.

Before I know it, we’re both stumbling towards a nearby dressing room, our hands feverishly stripping each other’s clothes as we kiss and touch one another. Chris presses me up against the wall, his hands gripping my hips as he grinds his body against mine, the bulge in his pants pressing hard into my thigh.

“You’re so goddamn sexy, baby,” He growls, his lips trailing down my neck and over my collarbone.

I moan loudly, my fingers digging into his back as I feel myself getting wet with desire. I need him inside of me, need him to fill me up and make me scream his name.

Chris must have sensed my thoughts because the next thing I know, he has lifted me up and is taking me over to the couch in the corner of the room, his lips never leaving mine as he slowly lays me down and slowly enters me, inch by inch, pushing deeper and deeper until he’s fully inside of me. I gasp as he fills me up completely, my body quivering with pleasure.

I feel as if I’m in another world, the sensations overtaking me as Chris quickens his thrusts, his lips never leaving mine as his hands move to explore my curves and the tattoos on my sides– my fox and deer antlers near both of my breasts all the way down to the phoenix on my hip.

The intensity of our lovemaking is almost too much for me and before long, I’m screaming my release, my body shaking as Chris follows shortly after, his body tensing before he collapses on me, our breath mixing as one as we lay together in the dimly-lit dressing room.

I hold Chris close, relishing in the warmth of our embrace and the satisfaction of being so close to him. I’d never felt anything like this before.

As if he can tell what I’m thinking, Chris leans up and places a tender kiss on my forehead, his brown eyes sparkling with love.

“Well, if this is going to happen every time I dye my hair purple, maybe I should dye it more often.” Chris says with amusement in his voice.

You love my lips 'cause they say the

Things we've always been afraid of

I can feel it startin' to subside

Learnin' to believe in what is mine

I look up at him, my cheek resting on his tattooed chest as I giggle and shake my head at him.

“It doesn’t matter what color your hair is, Chris,” I say, my voice sincere. “You’ll always look like a rock star to me.”

Chris smiles down at me and kisses my forehead once more, his heart swelling with love.

“I love you, Lycia Rose,” He murmurs, his lips curling into a contented smile. I return his smile, a sense of happiness and peace washing over me.

“I love you too, Christopher Cerulli,” I whisper back, snuggling closer into his embrace as I close my eyes and bask in the warmth of his love.

Chris plants a soft kiss on my temple, my eyes closing at the feel of his lips on my skin. He nuzzles his face into the nape of my neck as I shift so my arms are wrapped around his tattooed neck. He shifts slightly so he can look into my eyes, our gazes lock together.

“You’re the love of my life,” He whispers, tenderly.

My heart skips a beat in my chest, my gaze softening as my cheeks flush slightly. I give him a small smile and shake my head, unable to express how much these words mean to me.

“No, you are,” I say, my hands tracing small circles against his tattooed back. Chris grins, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to my lips.

“I’m so lucky,” He murmurs, his lips curving into a smile as he pulls away. I blush, my eyes shining with unshed tears.

“Me too,” I whisper, my voice full of emotion.

We stay like that for a moment, our foreheads touching, our eyes seeking each other’s as we drink in the love that radiates from our embrace. Finally, Chris pulls away, his hands resting against my cheeks as he smiles fondly at me.

I wanna love me (Ooh)

The way that you love me (Ooh)

Ooh, for all of my pretty and all of my ugly too

I'd love to see me from your point of view

“Let’s get back to the shoot,” He says, giving me one last sweet kiss before standing up and helping me off the couch. I nod, taking his outstretched hand and intertwining our fingers as we make our way back on set and continue working.

✦✦✦✦

A couple of days after Motionless In White wrapped up their music video for Sign of Life, Chris and I fly back to our home in Scranton, I decide that I want to get purple highlights in my caramel brown hair to match Chris’s new purple hair as the next tour cycle is coming up, which will be their last cycle for their album Scoring The End of The World, called The Touring The End of The World Tour that I will be taking photos for, starting on the sixteenth of September.

I love Chris’s purple hair and I cannot stop running my fingers through it. After booking an appointment with a hair stylist, I spent the morning getting my hair done. I sat in the stylist’s chair, anticipating a beautiful transformation.

As the stylist weaves the purple highlights into my hair, I can’t help but feel nervous. I love the idea of matching Chris, but I’m afraid the color wouldn’t look good on me. However, as the stylist finishes up and spins my chair around, I’m completely amazed by what I see in the mirror.

The purple highlights perfectly compliments my warm skin tone and makes my yellow-green hazel eyes pop. I can’t wait for Chris to see my new look.

Later in the day, as Chris comes home from running errands for tour– I anxiously wait for him. When he walks in the door and greets our pugs, Fang and Luna, I greet him with a smile and twirl around, showing off my new hair.

Chris’s brown eyes widen in surprise, then a smile breaks out on his face.

“Wow, baby. You look amazing,” He says, pulling me in for a hug. I feel a rush of happiness wash over me, I love the way the purple makes me feel– bold and more confident and the fact that Chris and I are now both matching makes my heart swell with love.

As we sit on the couch, I notice that Chris isn’t just amazed by my new purple highlights in my caramel brown hair but I see that my new hair is turning him on like I did when I laid eyes on his purple hair.

I lean over to him, placing my black and white tipped nailed hand on his thigh and feeling the hardness beneath his jeans.

“Do you like it?” I whisper, biting my bottom lip. Chris lets out a low growl, making me giggle as his hand slides up my back and tangles in my hair.

“I don’t just like it, babe,” He murmurs, his voice low. “I fucking love it.”

I wanna trust me (Trust me)

The way that you trust me (Trust me)

Ooh, 'cause nobody ever loved me like you do

I'd love to see me from your point of view

I feel my heart rate quicken as he pulls me towards him, pressing his lips to mine in a fierce kiss. I moan, feeling his hands roam over my body, sending shivers down my spine. We break apart and Chris looks at me with dark eyes.

“I’ll never get enough of you, Lycia,” He said, his voice husky. I smile, feeling a rush of desire pooling in between my legs.

“I hope not,” I purr as I pull him back into a kiss. He helps me stand up after we break apart, and I feel his hands caress my curves and tattoos as we walk towards our bedroom.

“Let me show you how much I love your new hair,” He whispers, his voice full of desire.

I blush, feeling heat spread through my body as Chris lifts me up and carries me to the bed, he lays me down gently, beginning to kiss a path along my neck as he lets his fingers trace along my body. I close my eyes and let out a sigh of pleasure as he moves lower, I let out a gasp of delight, realizing that I’m about to experience my most pleasurable night yet.

✦✦✦✦

I stir in our bed, opening my eyes to a perfect autumn night in Scranton, I quietly move myself from Chris’s arms without waking him and wrap the sheet around my nude body as I walk out towards our balcony. I sit down and look at the stars, taking in a deep breath as a soft breeze ruffles my caramel brown and purple hair.

I smile to myself, feeling a warmth in my chest that I can only attribute to the love I share with Chris and the transformation that my hair made. I sent a silent thank you to the stars, for the happiness that I now have in my life, I also thank my inner strength because it brought Chris to me and for getting me this far, and looking forward to the adventure that The Touring The End of The World tour would bring.

Suddenly, I feel a tattooed hand on my forearm– tracing my red inked snake tattoo, and I jump slightly to see Chris standing beside me on the balcony. He looks into my eyes with a content smile on his face.

“Hey there,” He says softly, not breaking my gaze. I smile as I turn toward my beloved Chris Motionless, wrapping my arms around his tattooed neck and stroking his newly dyed purple hair.

“Good morning, my love,” I reply, placing a soft kiss on Chris’s lips. Chris pulls me closer, wrapping his muscular arms around me and rests his chin on my shoulder, watching the stars with me.

“It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it?” He says, breaking the silence between us.

I nod and smile, feeling grateful for everything we have been through and everything that’s yet to come.

“I’m so glad I have you in my life,” I whisper, turning my head to look at him. “You make everything better.”

I couldn't believe it or see it for myself

Know I be impatient

But now I'm out here, fallin', fallin'

Frozen, slowly thawing, got me right

Chris’s eyes fill with sincerity and he tightens his grip around me.

“I feel the same way.” He says, resting his forehead against mine– his voice becoming sweet like honey. “I never thought that I could find someone like you, someone who understands me and accepts me for who I am, regardless of me being the singer for Motionless In White.”

My heart swells with emotion as I hug him tighter to me, my fingers running down his tattooed arm and chest, caressing the haunted house that covers his chest and stomach.

“I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, Christopher Cerulli,” I whisper. “You’re perfect just the way you are.” Chris chuckles and places a tender kiss on my temple.

“I love you,” His voice softens as he caresses my back with his fingers. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” I reply as I close my eyes and savor the moment. We stand there in silence for a few more minutes, watching the stars and enjoying the peaceful night until finally I speak up.

“We should get back in before we catch a cold,” I say with a laugh, my voice muffled in Chris’s tattooed chest. Chris pulls away reluctantly and touches his forehead to mine.

Frozen, slowly thawing, got me right

I won't keep you waitin', waitin'

All my baggage fadin' safely (My baggage fadin')

And if my eyes deceive me

Won't let them stray too far away

“I suppose you’re right,” He says with a grin on his face. “But let’s make sure to keep each other warm.”

I giggle and take his hand, leading him back inside our home. As we climbed back into bed together, we snuggle up close, our limbs intertwine and whisper sweet nothings to each other until we both fall back asleep wrapped up in each other’s love and warmth. It’s moments like these that we both know we’re destined to be together, living our lives in perfect sync, ready to take on any challenges that life throws in our way.

I wanna love me (Ooh)

The way that you love me (Ooh)

Ooh, for all of my pretty and all of my ugly too

I'd love to see me from your point of view

I wanna trust me, ooh (Trust me)

The way that you trust me, baby (Trust me)

'Cause nobody ever loved me like you do

I'd love to see me from your point of view (Oh)

Yeah

#darkness finds you universe #chris motionless x lycia winters #motionless in white fanfic #chris motionless fanfic #chris motionless #motionless in white #Spotify

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cripplingparanoia · 2 months ago

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🩷About me!💕

• I'm not going to say my legal name, but you may call me Ahana or Ana, & my initials are JJSS.

•I am 🧿21🪦, and my birthday is on Oct 2nd, so I am a ⚖️Sun in Libra🛡️

•I live in the United States

•I have 2 favorite colors, green and pink

•I also like blue, purple, brown, grey, black and white a lot

•My favorite animal is Manatees

•If I could go anywhere, I would go to Japan

•My favorite place to go is the beach

•I am not married but I hope to be.

•I have a baby son. Mother of One👶🏽🍼

•I am Bisexual💜Slytherin🐍Decepticon👾

•I am monogamous with men aside from girlfriends. That is to say, I will only be in a relationship with one man at a time, but whether I am with a man or woman, I am open to more girlfriends. It's not exactly "ambiamorous", but that is the closest label I know of. I am a 💞Lover🩷🔒💘Girl💕

•I am a 🪽Female🗝️ and I identify with that, I go by 🪬She/Her🌊, but due to my ♾️ Dx AuDHD🦖&OSDD-1b👥, as well as my spiritual and personal beliefs, ✝️Religiously Christian⛪ 🕉️Spiritually Omnist🌀, ☯️Hippie☮️, Im not sure that there is a way I can explain my experience of gender that would work, so I find it easier to stick with the default, and I think identifying as cis female is an important aspect that complements the more mysterious aspects of how I experience my identity (I am a woman but in the way moss, rain, and crows are. Like I'm not nb, I'm a girl, but I'm a swamp girl, I am made of mud, but in a female way)

•I would love to publish some of my novels and poetry, and it'd be nice if I ever released any of my music

•If I did get famous for my music I'd be like female Freddie Mercury.

•If my books took off tho, I'd probably just live alone in the woods in a cabin with a lil livestock and a garden, or just wherever I live before that, & occasionally do a book signing or something lol. Accept an award then disappear again lol

•When I was 13, my dream job was to be a Forensic Anthropologist after reading Deaths Acre. Now, it might still be a nice idea, but if I had to work, I'd either be in a daycare or pet store/shelter, or a funeral home, graveyard, or morgue. Lol, yeah, I tend to be starkly contrasting like that

•Other than that, it'd be nice to own a florist/plant nursery that also sells other lil stuff like crystals and fresh raw honey and dried flower crowns etc. or a cafe that has photo booths where you can have brunch and a photo shoot with the food & props

•My hobbies include baking, reading, watching TV, playing video games, watching YouTube, going on walks or runs, being in nature, going shopping, and making art or decorating. I'm trying to get into knitting, and I know how to sew, but I don't have a machine. I want to garden, and have pets and livestock eventually. I like hiking, swimming, camping, going on picnics, exploring, and going outdoors in general. I'd like to do more adventuring. I want to do ballet and belly dancing and karate. I'd need to exercise, do yoga, meditate and just relax more overall, do some spa or self care days... Aspiring Author🖋️📔

•My favorite foods are burritos, tacos, sushi jambalaya, pizza, and any soups or stews (beef stew)

•My favorite snacks are hot cheetos, cheese it's, gold fish, iced animal crackers, bread & rolls, mozzarella sticks, and charcuterie boards

•My favorite desserts are ice cream, cheesecake, chocolate cake, cookie cake, red velvet cake (I especially like those last 2 for my birthday), macrons, churros, sour gummy worms, sour patch kids, pie, snickerdoodles, peanut butter cookies, chocolate chip cookies, and iced sugar cookies (yk the ones)

•My favorite drinks are monster, black or sweetened coffee (mocha or pumpkin spice especially!), vodka!!! (w la croix), tequila, whiskey, mountain dew, dr. pepper, smoothies, and lemonade

•My all time favorite song is Puppy Princess by Hot Freaks, and the my top 4 (of 5) is Heatwaves by Glass animals, Cry By Cigarettes after sex, Treehouse by Alex G, and the lonely by Christina Perry

•My favorite artists are XXXTENTACION, Queen, My Chemical Romance, ICP, Marina and the diamond, Melanie Martinez, Lana Del Rey, Mitsuki, Lil Tecca, Juice Wrld, Lil Peep YNW Melly, and Joji

•My favorite movies are The Breakfast Club, Pretty Woman, Harry Potter, and Star Wars.

•My favorite shows are Transformers G1, Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, Regular Show, Steven Universe, My Little Pony, South Park, and Naruto.

•My favorite books are The Furthest Away Mountain by Lynn Reid Banks, The Girl of Fire and Thorns Series by Rae Carson, A Separate Peace by John Knowles, A Long Walk To water by Linda Sue Park, and Animal Farm by George Orwell.

•My other favorite songs are anything by XXXTENTACION (especially NEVER and KING) and Queen (especially Killer Queen and Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy) and My Chemical Romance (Especially Demolition Lovers, The World is Ugly, and The Light Behind Your Eyes), Piggy Pie & Sixicde Hotline by ICP, Something in the Way Dumb, Rxpe Me, and Polly by Nirvana, Money Machine, Hand Crushed By a Mallet, Stupid Horse and Dumbest Girl Alive by 100 gecs, Heyloft and Verbatim by Mother Mother, Hold on Till May by Pierce the Veil, I'm Not a Vampire by Falling in Reverse, all I want is you by Rebzyyx, TV by Billie Eillish, Lucky by Lucky twice, Go Ghost by Karlaaa, Mary by Alex G, Nowhere to Run by Stegosaurus Rex, and No Wind Resistance by Kinneret.

#about myself #get to know me #gen z girls

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demonecelestiale · 10 months ago

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under the cut all the albums i listened to in 2023 (the list is in italian but i think it's still understandable)

GENNAIO (21 album ascoltati su 31gg, -10)

• Ritorno al Futuro/Back To The Future - Elisa (2022)

• Querencia - Chung Ha (2021)

• Stamp On It - GOT The Beat (2023)

• Doublast - Kep1er (2022)

• Rush - Måneskin (2023)

• Moss - Maya Hawke (2022)

• I Am Me. - Weki Meki (2021)

• Hold The Girl - Rina Sawayama (2022)

• Confetti - Little Mix (2020)

• Plastic Hearts - Miley Cyrus (2020)

• Am I A Girl? - Poppy (2018)

• Currents - Time Impala (2015)

• Crash - Charli XCX (2022)

• Diamond & Dancefloors - Ava Max (2023)

• Loose - Nelly Furtado (2006)

• Hounds Of Love - Kate Bush (1985)

• Panorama - Hayley Kiyoko (2022)

• The Gods We Can Touch - Aurora (2022)

• The Loneliest Time - Carly Rae Jepsen (2022)

• Campi Elasi - Elasi (2020)

• Oasi Elasi - Elasi (2022)

FEBBRAIO (36 ascoltati su 28gg, +8)

• Happier Than Ever - Billie Eilish (2021)

• Taste Of Love - Twice (2021)

• Traumazine - Megan Thee Stallion (2022)

• Numeri Primi - Hu (2022)

• Only Love, L - Lena (2019)

• Disco - Kylie Minogue (2020)

• Impera - Ghost (2022)

• Fanmail - TLC (1999)

• If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power - Halsey (2022)

• Between 1&2 - Twice (2022)

• Youngblood - 5 Seconds Of Summer (2018)

• Fetch The Bolt Cutters - Fiona Apple (2020)

• Gaslighter - The Chicks (2020)

• Ok. Respira - Elodie (2023)

• Spice - Spice Girls (1996)

• Confessions on a Dance Floor - Madonna (2005)

• Dreamland - Glass Animals (2020)

• Arrival - ABBA (1976)

• Cause Perse - Sethu & Jiz (2023)

• The Electric Lady - Janelle Monáe (2013)

• Cabin Fever - Purple Kiss (2023)

• Nel Caos Di Stanze Stupefacenti - Levante (2017)

• Planet Her (piratato) - Doja Cat (2022)

• Blu¹ - Giorgia (2023)

• This Is... Icona Pop - Icona Pop (2013)

• True Romance - Charli XCX (2013)

• Gloria - Sam Smith (2023)

• Diamond Life - Sade (1984)

• She Wolf - Shakira (2009)

• Blu Celeste - Blanco (2021)

• Opera Futura - Levante (2023)

• Assemble - tripleS (2023)

• Cani Sciolti - Francesca Michielin (2023)

• My 21st Century Blues - Raye (2023)

• Pipes and Flowers - Elisa (1997)

• Sheer Heart Attack - Queen (1974)

MARZO (16 ascoltati su 31gg, -15)

• seOul cOllectiOn - OnlyOneOf (2023)

• Magellano - Francesco Gabbani (2017)

• Motomami - Rosalía (2022)

• Heal - Loreen (2013)

• Amelia - Mimi Webb (2023)

• Un Meraviglioso Modo Di Salvarsi - Coma_Cose (2022)

• Solar Power - Lorde (2021)

• I'm Your Baby Tonight - Whitney Houston (1991)

• Club Topperia - MYSS KETA

• Laurel Hell - Mitski (2022)

• Ready To Be - Twice (2023)

• Lowlife Princess: Noir - BIBI (2022)

• the Billage of perception: chapter three - Billlie (2023)

• Rausch - Helene Fischer (2021)

• Whitney - Whitney Houston (1987)

• Desire, I Want To Turn Into You - Caroline Polachek (2023)

APRILE (0 ascoltati su 30gg, -30)

MAGGIO (4 ascoltati su 31gg, -27)

• Unforgiven - Le Sserafim (2023)

• My World - aespa (2023)

• I Feel - (G)I-DLE (2023)

• The Fifty - Fifty Fifty (2022)

GIUGNO (0 ascoltati su 30gg, -30)

LUGLIO (19 ascoltati su 31gg, -12)

• Magic Still Exists - Agnes (2021)

• Spiceworld - Spice Girls (1997)

• La Tigre Assenza - Maria Antonietta (2023)

• Bu Bu Sad - La rappresentante di lista (2018)

• Reboot - Wonder Girls (2015)

• The Age Of Pleasure - Janelle Monáe (2023)

• Voglia di vivere - Angelina Mango (2023)

• Rockabilly Carter - Colla Zio (2023)

• I've IVE - IVE (2023)

• Daydream - Mariah Carey (1995)

• In Pieces - Chlöe (2023)

• Impossible Princess - Kylie Minogue (1997)

• bellodrama - Ana Mena (2023)

• 777 - Latto (2022)

• Elephant - The White Stripes (2003)

• Fever - Kylie Minogue (2001)

• Endless Summer Vacation - Miley Cyrus (2023)

• Dietro le apparenze - Giorgia (2011)

• Version Up - Odd Eye Circle (2023)

AGOSTO (6 ascoltati su 31gg, -25)

• Game Plan - Jeon Somi (2023)

• Teenfresh - STAYC (2023)

• MUHAN - tripleS (2023)

• Barbie The Album - Artisti Vari (2023)

• AR - Addison Rae (2023)

• That! Feels Good! - Jessie Ware (2023)

SETTEMBRE (3 ascoltati su 30gg, -27)

• Loossemble - Loossemble (2023)

• Endless Fantasy - Anamanaguchi (2013)

• E poi siamo finiti nel vortice - Annalisa (2023)

OTTOBRE (16 ascoltati su 31gg, -15)

• Bewitched - Laufey (2023)

• Popstars - Lollipop (2001)

• Welcome To The Doll House - Danity Kane (2008)

• Poster Girl (Summer Edition) - Zara Larsson (2021)

• Tension - Kylie Minogue (2023)

• Sorry I'm Late - Mae Muller (2023)

• Heat - (G)I-DLE (2023)

• Silence Between Songs - Madison Beer (2023)

• Red Light - Elodie (2023)

• MUJUK - tripleS (2023)

• Howl - Chuu (2023)

• 1989 (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift (2023)

• Takin' It Back - Meghan Trainor (2023)

• Access - tripleS (2022)

• Aestetic - tripleS (2023)

• K - Heejin (2023)

NOVEMBRE (3 ascoltati su 30gg, -27)

• Drama - aespa (2023)

• Heaven knows - PinkPantheress (2023)

• The Loveliest Time - Carly Rae Jepsen (2023)

DICEMBRE (11 ascoltati su 31gg, -20)

• i may be an actress, but i cant fake how i feel - Laura Marano (2023)

• I've Mine - IVE (2023)

• Amici Come Prima - Colla Zio (2023)

• LoveSexDrugs - Michael Medrano (2023)

• Va' e Torna - Napoleone (2023)

• Kiss Of Life - Kiss Of Life (2023)

• Born to be XX - Kiss Of Life (2023)

• Unlock My World - fromis_9 (2023)

• i used to think i could fly - Tate McRae (2022)

• CLIQUE - Citizen Queen (2023)

• Così Speciale - Diodato (2023)

RIASCOLTATI: 4

• Sweetener - Ariana Grande (2018)

• Ok. Respira - Elodie (2023)

• Pink Tape - f(x) (2013)

• E poi siamo finiti nel vortice - Annalisa (2023) (in ordine diverso però)

#135 albums baby #d.txt

0 notes

ameliathefatcat · 3 years ago

Text

I was inspired by @lieutenant-amuel picrew of her Gabaomi kid Frausto to make picrews of my fankids. I made my Jasabel, Hugfia, Eleteo, and Gabaomi kids

Eleteo

Miguel

Ana

Frankie

Gabaomi

Andy

River

Robby

Jasabel

Santi

Lucia

Lorelei

Hugfia

Max

16 notes · View notes

howtobeaskeleton · 2 years ago

Text

The Pro-Ana Diet : 8 Different Meal Plans to Follow

By Mimo Varila

The Lunabelle Diet

The Lunabelle diet is a condensed version of the Ana Boot Camp diet, which is 40 days instead of the usual 50 days. It has more fast days and calorie variations. This is a more “doable” diet, as it comes with higher calorie restrictions, with days you consume between 100 to 800 calories. There are double fast days, though, so you have to prepare yourself for these. If not, you can consume 50 or 100 calories to stay safe if you aren’t able to fast this long. After 40 days, you will be able to lose up to 20 pounds or more!

The Rainbow Diet

This is a pretty interesting diet, as it entails you to consume one color of food per day, except for every Wednesday. Here is the meal plan:

Monday (white) :

Breakfast: Half an apple

Lunch: Half an apple

Dinner: One cucumber

Tuesday (yellow):

Breakfast: One banana

Lunch: One banana

Dinner: Half a cup of corn

Wednesday: Fast

Thursday (orange):

Breakfast: Half an orange

Lunch: Half an orange

Dinner: One carrot

Friday (red):

Breakfast: Half a cup of strawberries

Lunch: Half a cup of strawberries

Dinner: Half a red pepper

Saturday (purple or blue):

Breakfast: Ten blueberries

Lunch: Ten blueberries

Dinner: Ten raspberries

Sunday (green):

Breakfast: Half a cup of grapes

Lunch: Half a cup of grapes

Dinner: One cup of lettuce

The ABC Diet

If you have been following the pro-ana lifestyle of quite some time now, then you’re familiar with the ABC diet, which is known as the Ana Boot Camp. This is one of the most popular diets to follow, as it’s extensive and incredibly useful. However, it’s very challenging, and not many people pass it.

This grueling diet will yo-yo between 50 to 500 calories a day, with a fast every few days. The extreme calorie restriction will have you lose at least 20 pounds once you are done with the 50 days. You can eat anything in this diet, but make sure that it sticks to your limit.

The Five Bites Diet

Think of it as a mental gastric bypass surgery, where people staple their stomachs to feel full after just a few bites. This will take a lot of self-control, though, as you will only be consuming five bites of whatever meal you have.

I recommend that you follow this diet:

Breakfast: Five bites of oatmeal

Lunch: Five bites of a sandwich

Dinner: Five bites of pasta

It’s best to consume a lot of water or zero-calorie drinks to stay energized and hydrated while doing the diet. Freshly-squeezed lemon juice can work great, too!

The Vegan Model Diet

The vegan model diet is another effective and restrictive diet suitable for those who follow the vegan lifestyle. Think of it as the usual meal plan models would follow to get a flat stomach without any meat products!

Breakfast: One reduced-calorie bread and two cups of black coffee with zero-calorie sweeteners

Lunch: One large apple

Dinner: Eight baby carrots

The total number of calories consumed is only 200 calories. Follow this for a week, and you will be able to lose weight quickly. You can substitute meals with different fruits and vegetables if desired. Add your meal diet with some healthy powders. Check the green superfood powder to know more.

The Ana Atkins Diet

This is a personal twist on the Atkins diet, which is similar to the keto diet. Just make sure that you avoid any keto diet mistakes and consume too many carbs from fruits!

Breakfast: Three-egg white omelet

Snack: Baked white fish fillet

Lunch: Roast Chicken drumstick and a cup of salad leaves

Snack: 50 grams of prawns with garlic and chili

Dinner: Grilled Sirloin steak and a cup of salad leaves

You might think that this is a lot to consume, but it’s quite useful in burning fat quickly. By day three, you have less appetite, and your body is using ketones for energy.

The Russian’s Gymnast Diet

Irina Tschachina is a 5’6 Russian gymnast who only weighs 99 pounds. Wonder how she does it? Here’s a diet you can follow for ultimate weight loss and health. Those who follow this diet for a week can lose up to ten pounds!

Breakfast: A glass of apple or orange juice

Lunch: Fruit salad with a glass of fruit juice

Dinner: Green apple and a glass of non-carbonated water

Make sure that your fruit juices are freshly squeezed and free from any artificial sweeteners.

The Baby Food Diet

This is a pretty exciting diet, as it entails you to consume baby food, which is rich in vitamins and nutrients. I recommend that you purchase organic and vegetable-based baby food, which has fewer calories and more vitamins.

You can have baby food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Or, you can have an average healthy breakfast and consume baby food for lunch and dinner. Make sure that you get the 80-gram jars, which are made for weaning babies.

But do take note that these are only short-term diets that should not be done as a lifestyle change. There are many different side effects to pro-ana diets, as you are consuming fewer calories than your body needs, which causes some health risks in the long run.

Bonus Tips on Keeping Up With a Pro-Ana Diet

Now that you’re familiar with the different pro-ana diets, what are other ways you can keep it consistent? Here are some bonus tips to follow:

• Make sure to always keep track of your calories by using apps or other online tools available. Don’t take in more calories than what you burn to ensure weight loss.

• It’s better to consume a healthy breakfast to have better-eating decisions for the day ahead.

• Water is one of the crucial parts of the diet, as it doesn’t only fill you up but keeps you energized when restricting your calories. However, you should avoid drinking water in a single session, since this causes water retention.

• Small meals throughout the day are also recommended, which can have the body think that you’re eating enough to stay satiated and energized throughout the day.

• These are aggressive diets, and you will be deficient in many nutrients from the calorie restriction. Because of this, it’s imperative to take in vitamins. These will compensate for what you don’t consume.

• Sleeping is essential to gain energy and level out your cravings and appetite. If you sleep less, it can lead to a lack of energy and hunger, as well as a slow metabolism!

• If you want to stay encouraged while following a diet, then it’s best to find a diet buddy or to look in the mirror, which keeps you motivated!

• You can keep track of your macronutrients with online macro calculators to ensure you’re eating the right foods, in the right ratios, for optimal weight loss.

Pro-ana diets are aggressive but possible with the right tips and healthy food consumption. That way, you won’t have a problem with keeping the pounds off in the long run !

Hopefully, this article on the pro-ana diet gave you an idea of what you can do to stick with your meal plans.

So don’t wait any longer and check out any of these diets now!

Start your diet now !

INSPIRING ARTICLE COMMENTS

SJanuary 1, 2019 at 3:27 am

I want to lock myself in a hotel room for a week with nothing but water. I want to be anorexic

BRYTEEYEZMay 5, 2021 at 12:56 am

I plan to lose this chub quickly. I am a effing fat pig.

TIMDecember 18, 2020 at 4:38 pm

Sounds sexy

ADDYOctober 29, 2020 at 7:16 pm

I’m desperate. I just want to be skinny 🙁

#mine

249 notes · View notes

docholligay · 2 years ago

Text

October #4-- Shattered Glass

“Out of all the people I might blame for this, you’re even under me on the list.”

Tracer’s eyes were closed as she lay on her side in the small room at the back of the base, dressed in a loose pair of soft pajamas. Winston watched as she took each deep breath slowly, and with great care, hand ruffling through her own hair as the rest of her lay perfectly still.

She was trying to hide how much it hurt. But for the years between them, it might have been effective.

An experiment. Once an experiment, always an experiment. A Hyde lurking like a beast inside of his Jeckyll. He’d felt it come over him, that little pinch in his neck, and then the flush of rage and power and fear. Leapt forward. Heard her voice. And then…

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?” He mumbled, trying to sit for a moment next to the bed where she lay. Room was too small. Her’d have to stand. He deserved to stand. She’d by lying out in the main barracks if she could wear her CA.

“Making it your fault. I know that’s what you’re doing,” she opened her eyes and looked at him, “and ‘onestly Win, I need you to knock it off. Bad enough there’s going to be no sort of reprimand for bloody cunting Moira--ah!”

She closed her eyes tight, hand gripping the sheets, knuckles turning so white they nearly blended with the linen. Tracer let out a slow, measured breath.

“God, I ‘ope her favorite pub is bought out by American investors and ‘remodeled’” The corner of her mouth turned up in a wicked little grin, “Fiddler’s Fucking Green: A Gastropub, I ‘ope they call it. I ‘ope there is subway tile, and natural light, and a kale salad on the menu.”

It was his fault, though. It was him that did the damage. He was the reason she was lying here. He’d lost control, and hurt the person who meant most to him in the world. He couldn’t blame Moira for having it inside of him, could he?

“You’d never ‘urt me, Win. I know that.”

It rung in his ears like a church bell, echoing off the metal of the walls, her misplaced faith in him. If he would never do it, how did he do it? Did she somehow forget all the things that repeated in his head, images glowing like stained glass? The roar. The yell from Jack. Her voice. A hand on his arm. The resistance as he swung his hand back. The shattered glass. The flickering light of her CA.

Winston had done it. It had been him. Winston had always been afraid of someone hurting her, someone killing her, and now, here it was.

He was the monster hiding in his own closet.

Ana had shot him, with Moira’s potion, but it had been Winston who galloped toward Ana, Winston who felt suddenly that he was going to kill her, that any reservations he had about it, the gentleness he had in his heart, what Ana had referred to as his battlefield weakness, was all gone. She hadn’t moved. The monster had advanced, and Tracer, oh, Tracer.

“Win! It’s alright!” She had reached for him, “It’s alright, just--”

She’d given a little sound as he backhanded her. She hadn’t been braced for it. She hadn’t been expecting it. She hadn’t tried to dodge it. She had been running to comfort him, and he had hit her. Hit her so hard she flew backwards. Hit her so hard she didn’t stop until she met with the window into the laboratory, the safety glass shattered in a spiderweb, trapping her.

But she didn’t stop. She didn’t stop.

Tracer stumbled to her feet, CA flickering, his name still on her lips, and the Hyde inside him lost its courage.

A concussion. Two broken ribs. A wide circle of deep bruising from where the CA had hit. He had gasped when Mercy gently helped her remove her shirt. Mercy hadn’t made eye contact with him. She knew. She knew he was the one.

Shattered glass, and a purple and yellow stain across the pale of her back. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw that explosion of glass where she had been, a rorshach for his own monstrosity. How could he tell her family? When they had taken him in so kindly?

He felt a small hand on his, and realized he had been afraid to touch her. That she would somehow wince or flinch, knowing now that she would never be safe around him. But her hand was on his, and her eyes were open, pain bright and searching.

“Not your fault. And,” her breath caught a little at the edges, “I’ll be right before you know it. Always am. Honestly,” a quick flutter of her eyelids, “Not so bad in ‘ere. Quiet, right? Like it’s such a treat to ‘ear Rein snore. Private. If I could get that promised bit of oxycodone, it’d be a slumber party.”

“I’m so sorry.” His voice wavered, the church bells having forgotten Tracer’s faith, now ringing that single word. Monster. Monster. Monster. “Lena, I’m so sorry. I--”

“Oh, shut up, Win.” She chuckled, and her body froze in a sudden recollection of each rib, but she refused to let her smile fade, “ I don’t want an apology from you. I want me pack of biscuits from the kitchen, and I want a beer. Give me that, instead of I’m sorry. Nothing to be sorry over.”

Winston pushed his glasses up. “You aren’t supposed to drink with pain medication.”

“Well, A: Ang certainly is taking ‘er time with it, in’t she? And B: Not supposed to randomly experiment on members of the team, so seems a day for breaking rules, right?”

Winston forced himself to smile. “Okay.”

Tracer looked at him a moment, and then slowly, excruciatingly, pushed herself up to sitting, Winston holding out his hand, wishing he could help her, wishing he could stop her.

“Look at me.” She stared at him intensely, “Pay attention. I love you. Nothing else to it. Nothing changed. I love you, and you’re stuck with me, and better you learn that now. I would rather, be ‘urt, than not come to you if you need. Do you understand me, you great idiot?”

“I love you too, Lena.” He nodded, putting his hand on her leg, “I love you too.”

“Good,” she patted his hand, “Now, the kitchen. Make sure you keep it from Ang, I don’t want to ‘ear it for ‘er.”

Winsto took the note to keep a wide berth from Mercy. The last thing he needed right now was to try to lie.

“Oh, and, one more thing,” She stopped him as he went to the door, “‘elp invent a good curse for Ana. Not taking notes on me one for Moira, that’s perfect, but Ana, need something better.”

Winston paused. “I hope Ana has to watch the Egyptian episode of Bake Off for a week straight.”

Tracer’s grin grew wide, her nose wrinkling, slightly askew teeth gleaming. “And she ‘as to listen to me pronounce all the Arabic.”

Winston smiled, and nodded, and walked the long way to the kitchen. Away from the shattered glass.

23 notes · View notes

katiajewelbox · 2 years ago

Text

Words used in the writing of “weird fiction” author Clark Ashton Smith

Abbadon the angel of the "bottomless pit" of Rev. ix. 11; hell (see Gehenna)

abdominous big-bellied ("an abdominous jar of uncolored glass")

abjuration a renunciation under oath; a formal rejection or denial

abrogation a nullifying; a doing away with something [L. normal'>abrogare- to repeal]

acidulous sour; bitter; painstaking [L.- acidulus- slightly sour]

adamant

a stone imagined by some to be of impenetrable hardness; the hardest iron or steel 2. Poetic: unbreakable hardness (adj.-adamantine)

addorsed Her.- placed back-to-back, as two animals or figures

adipocere a soft or waxy substance of a light-brown color into which the flesh of dead animals is converted under certain conditions of temperature and humidity

adits entrances or passageways

adumbration

a faint sketch or outline 2. foreshadowing; advance indication 3. overshadowing

adytum an inner or secret shrine; sanctum [L. from Gk. normal'>adyton]

agate a waxy quartz in which the colors are in bands, or are blended in clouds

aigretted tufted as with feathers or gems

alabastrine of a pure white color, like alabaster

alembic a chemical vessel formerly used in distillation, usually of glass or copper (see cucurbit)

aliment food for body or mind

almandine n. a transparent deep red or violet garnet, a precious crystallized stone

aludel a pear-shaped vessel of glass

amaranth n. 1. a plant of the genus Amaranthus, with colorful leaves and, in some instances, showy, tassellike heads of flowers, as the love-lies-bleeding, pigweed, etc. 2. Poetic: an imaginary flower that never fades

amaranthine never-fading, or, of a deep-purple or purplish-red color

ambergris a solid, opaque, ash-colored substance used in perfumery

amethysts purple sapphires.

amphora a tall, two-handled jar for wine or oil, with a narrow neck [L. from Gk. amphoreus]

ana n. a collection of notes or scraps of literature bearing on a particular person, place, or subject

anaglyph an ornament in low relief; a cameo [Gk.- normal'>anaglyphon, from ana, up, & glyphein, to cut out]

Anakim a race of giants in Palestine

anchorite a hermit; a recluse (see eremite)

androsphinx a sphinx with a human head (distinguished from ram-headed or hawk-headed sphinxes)

animadversions disparaging comments; censure (see objurgations)

ankylose abnormal stiffening of a joint; a consolidation of two bones or parts of bones

anlace a broad two-edged dagger or short sword

annulated furnished with or surrounded by rings

antemundane unearthly

anthropophagic cannibalistic

antimony a silver-white, hard, crystalline metallic element, related to arsenic and tin

antinomian related to the doctrine that faith frees the Christian from the obligations of the moral law

antipodes a place or region on the opposite side of the earth, or its inhabitants

aphelion the point in orbit farthest from the sun

apotheosis

deification; exaltation to divine honors 2. a glorification of any kind

appanage an allowance to the younger branches of a sovereign house from revenues of the country; hence, whatever falls to one from rank or station in life [F.- apanage]

apperception Psychol.- perception that reflects upon the act of perceiving; spontaneous insight

apterous lacking wings

arabesque n. 1. a complex, elaborate design of intertwined flowers, foliage, geometrical patterns, etc. painted or carved in low relief 2. adj.- fanciful, ornamental

araucarias large cone-bearing evergreen trees

arcane known to only a few; esoteric [L.- normal'>arcanus- hidden] (see holocryptic & recondite)

archaeopteryx a bird of the Jurassic period which had teeth, a lizard-like tail, and well-developed wings

archimage a chief magician; great wizard [L. from Gk. normal'>archimagos- chief of the magi]

architrave

Archit.- a chief beam, resting on columns 2. an ornament arching over a door or window

armillary Astron.- an ancient instrument consisting of concentric rings in the form of a skeleton sphere, representing the relative positions of the ecliptic and other celestial circles

arrack a strong Oriental liquor

arras a hanging for the walls of a room, esp. a tapestry

aspergillum the brush used for sprinkling holy water on the people

asphodels a lily plant, bearing white or yellow flowers

astrolabe formerly an instrument for obtaining the altitude of planets and stars

ataxia disturbance of bodily functions, as in the paroxysms of disease

atelier a workshop, especially of an artist; studio

athanor a digesting furnace, formerly used in alchemy, so constructed as to maintain a uniform and constant heat

attar the fragrant oil extracted from the petals of flowers, esp. from roses

augury a portent or omen; the foretelling of events by signs or omens

aureate

golden; guilded 2. splendid (see next entry)

auroral dawning; roseate

auriphrygiate ornamented with embroidery in gold ("auriphrygiate domes") [L.]

austral southern

auto-da-fe the public pronouncement and execution of the sentence of the Inquisition, with attendant ceremonies, such as the burning of heretics at the stake

bagatelle a trifle; a thing of no importance

baleful

hurtful; malignant. 2. Archaic: sorrowful, miserable (see malefic)

banyan an East Indian fig-bearing tree which sends down from its branches roots that develop into new trunks, thus producing a thick and shady grove

barbican an outer fortification; rampart

baroque

irregularly shaped, as a baroque pearl 2. fantastically overdecorated; theatrical

basilisk fabled reptile of the Arabian desert whose breath and look were fatal (see cockatrice)

bastinado mode of punishment in Oriental countries, esp. Mohammedan, by beating the feet

bayadere a dancing-girl, especially one serving in an Indian temple

beryl aquamarine or emerald variety of beryllium, used as gems

besoms brooms; bundles of twigs

bezel the part of a ring which surrounds and holds the stone

bifurcation a division into two branches

bituminous containing bitumen; volatile

blandishments flattering speech or actions (see inveigle)

blazonries

Her.- artfully depicted coats of arms 2. brilliant displays

boreal northern; pertaining to the north, esp. the north wind

boscage a mass of growing trees or shrubs; a thicket [OF., OHG- busc- a thicket.]

bourn

Archaic: a limit or boundary: the bourn of man’s life 2. Poetic: realm or region

burgeoning budding; sprouting forth

burnoose a woolen cloak with hood, worn by Arabs and Moors

buskin a high shoe or half-boot (see cothurn)

byssus among the ancients, a linen, silk, or cotton cloth of exceedingly fine texture (used by the Egyptians in mummy-wrapping)

cabalistic containing an occult meaning; mystical

cachinnation immoderate laughter

cacodaemon a devil or evil spirit [Gk.- kakodaimon, from kakos- bad, evil + daimon- spirit]

caftan a long, wide-sleeved robe fastened by a belt or a sash

cairn a mound or heap of stones for a memorial

calamite a fossil plant of the Paleozoic era, growing to a height of 100 feet or more

calenture

a tropical fever with delirium 2. Poetic: to have illusions

calyx Bot.- the outermost series of leaf-like parts of a flower, usually green but frequently colored, which encloses and supports the corolla

cantraips incantations or charms; pieces of witchcraft (Scot., from cantrip)

caparisoned fitted with decorative trappings; decked out

capriole an upward leap made by a trained horse while standing [F., from Ital.- capriola]

capstan an apparatus for hoisting anchors

captious difficult to please; apt to find fault

carapace the bony outer case on turtles, lobsters and other animals

carmine red or purplish-red; crimson

carnelian n. a clear red chalchedony, often cut as a gem

cartouche on Egyptian monuments or papyri, a group of hieroglyphics in a small oblong area

caryatid Archit.- a figure of a woman dressed in long robes, serving to support an entablature

cassava

a tropical American shrub with thick roots from which an edible starch is obtained 2. bread made from this starch

cassia

a genus of plants, from some species of which is extracted the cathartic drug senna 2. Chinese cinnamon, a variety made by using cassia bark as an adulterating agent

castradoes eunuchs ("the fat castradoes diddered in their cloth-of-gold")

catafalque a temporary raised structure that supports a coffin [F.]

catatonia a state of muscular rigidity; stupor

causey a paved pathway or street [F. caucie, from L. calciare- to make a road]

celerity quickness of motion

centurial occurring once in a century

ceremented wearing grave-clothes; covered in cere-cloth

cerulean of a deep, clear blue; azure [L.- caelum, heaven, caeruleus, dark blue]

chaffer v. 1. to bargain; to haggle or negotiate 2. to talk much and idly

chalcedony a cryptocrystalline, translucent quartz, having a wax-like luster, and comprising onyx, agate, sard, cat’s eye, jasper and carnelian

chalices Botany: cup-shaped flowers

charpoy bedstead or cot of India, with a bamboo frame

chasmal gaping

chatelaine the mistress of a chateau

chatoyant adj. 1. possessing a changeable luster, like that of a cat’s eye in the dark 2. Cat’s Eye, a chrysoberyl gemstone displaying an undulating or wavy light

chimera- Myth.

a fire-breathing monster, depicted as part lion, part goat, and part dragon 2. a vain fancy; a mere phantasm of the imagination

chiton gown or tunic worn by men and women in ancient Greece

chryselephantine made or covered with gold or ivory, as certain Greek statues

chrysolite an olive-green, translucent mineral, called peridot when used as a semiprecious stone

chrysoprase an apple-green variety of quartz

Cimmerian dark; gloomy (from the Cimmerii, a people whose land Homer described as a region of perpetual mist and darkness)

cinnabar

cystallized red mercuric sulfide, artificially used a red pigment. 2. brilliant red

Circean fascinating but poisonous; magical (from Circe, a sorceress in Greek myth)

circumambient extending around, or being on all sides; encompassing

circumpolar revolving around the poles without setting, as circumpolar stars

claymore a double-edged Scottish broadsword

clepsydra Anciently: a water-clock

cockatrice a basilisk; a fabulous monster whose breath and glance were believed to be fatal, said to have been hatched by a serpent from a cock’s egg

coeval of the same age

coign Archaic: a projecting angle or stone; a corner

coir a type of yarn made from the husk of cocoanuts

colonnades Archit.- a range of columns connected by an entablature

colossi statues of gigantic size, such as the statue of Apollo which anciently stood at the entrance to the port of Rhodes

comestation Obs.- reveling or feasting [L.- comessatio, a Bacchanalian procession]

comestibles food; edibles (see viands)

commensal one who eats at the same table

comminatory threatening punishment or vengeance (minatory- menacing)

condign well-deserved

confrere a fraternity brother

consanguinity

blood relationship; common ancestry 2. close relationship; affinity

contumely scornful or insulting language; haughtiness ("contumelies")

coracle a small fishing boat of hide on a wicker frame [Welsh normal'>corwgl, from corwg- a frame, boat]

corollas the inner circle of flower leaves, usually colored

corposant a ball of electric light observed on dark tempestuous nights about the rigging of a ship; St. Elmo’s light

corundum aluminum oxide, second only to the diamond in hardness. Pure, transparent varieties are the ruby, sapphire, Oriental amethyst, and Oriental topaz.

coruscating giving out sparkles of light (coruscations- sudden flashes)

cothurn a high, thick-soled boot worn by actors in ancient Greek tragedies

couchant lying down; reclining (see recumbent)

courtier a member of the court circle

crenelations battlements; fortifications

crepuscular

pertaining to twilight; glimmering 2. becoming active or flying in the twilight

cresset a kind of iron basket holding a beacon light

cromlech an ancient mortuary monument consisting of two or more large unhewn stones fixed upright in the ground, supporting a flat horizontal stone (see dolmen)

crotali snakes of a genus like that of the rattlesnake (crotalus)

crozier a staff, about 5 feet in length, surmounted by an ornamental cross

cucurbit

a gourd-shaped chemical vessel 2. the body of an alembic 3. any plant of the gourd family

cuneiform wedge-shaped, as in some ancient Assyrian, Babylonian, and Persian inscriptions

cupel a shallow, absorbent vessel, used in refining gold and silver ores

cupola a dome; hemispherical roof

cutaneous on or affecting the skin

cycad a tropical plant of fern-like appearance

damascened decorated with wavy or variegated patterns

damask n. a silk fabric, having some parts raised in the form of flowers and other figures

damaskeen v. to ornament with wavy markings produced by inlaying or incrusting with metal ("damaskeening the slopes beyond the city with bright flowers of azure and vermilion")

decoction an extract or essence made by boiling animal or vegetable matter

decrescent

decreasing; waning, as a decrescent moon 2. Her.- the declining moon, used as a bearing

delimitable capable of being gauged, marked, or decided upon (from delimit)

deliquescent liquifying in the air

demiurge

in Plato’s philosophy, a secondary deity, the creative spirit who made the world 2. in Gnostic philosophy, a subordinate god, often considered the originator of evil 3. in Greek history, a magistrate in certain Peloponnesian states (adj.- demiurgic- godlike)

desuetude disuse; a state of being no longer practiced or customary

dewlaps the fold of skin hanging from the throat of oxen or cattle

diablerie demonology; sorcery [OF. diablerie, from diable- devil]

diadem a crown; a symbol of royalty

diaphanous transparent or translucent; pellucid [Med. L.- normal'>diaphanus- transparent]

diaphragmic dividing; partitioning (from diaphragm)

diluvial pertaining to a flood or deluge

dissolution decomposition; death [L. dissolutio, from dissolutus, pp. of normal'>dissolvere, to loosen]

diurnal relating to the daytime; daily (opposed to nocturnal)

divagate to wander or stray aimlessly; to digress (n.- divagation, "divagance")

divertissements diversions; amusements

divestiture the removal of rights or honors; the act of removing something

divination the act or art of foretelling the future or unknown

doleful

expressing grief, as, a doleful cry 2. melancholy (see dolorous, funereal, lugubrious)

dolmen a prehistoric, sepulchral monumuent of large uncut stones, set on end and covered with a single huge stone, so as to form a chamber, and often covered with earth; cromlech

dolomite a calcium magnesium carbonate occurring in white to pale-pink crystals; limestone or marble with much magnesium carbonate in it

dolorous sorrowful; mournful; pathetic [ME.- dolerous, L.- dolorosus- painful, mournful]

drupe a soft, fleshy fruit enclosing a hard-shelled seed, as in the peach or cherry

ebullition

the condition of any liquid when bubbles are rapidly forming in its mass and rising to the surface 2. a violent outburst (ebullience- a boiling over; agitation; exuberance)

effluence a flowing out; emanation [L.- effluens]

effluvium a noxious or evil-smelling exhalation from decaying matter

effulgence a shining forth brilliantly; brightness; splendor

eider the soft, fine breast feathers of a large eider duck

eidolon an unreal or spectral form; an image

eldritch ghastly; hideous; weird

electrum

an amber-colored alloy of gold and silver, used by the ancient Greeks for coins 2. Obs.- amber

eloignment removal to a distance; a carrying off [OF esloignier- carry off ]

embrasure an opening in a wall or parapet, through which cannon are pointed

empery Poetic: sovereignty; dominion

Empusa Botany: a genus of prehistoric fungi ("empusae")

empyreal celestial; pertaining to the highest heaven, where the pure element of fire was supposed by the ancients to exist [Gk. empyros- in the fire]

energumen a person supposedly possessed by evil spirits; a demoniac

entablature a platform supported by columns

epiphany a bodily manifestation, as of a deity

epiphytic growing non-parasitically on another plant, as certain orchids, mosses, and lichens

equerry an officer having charge of the horses of a dignitary

equivocal of doubtful significance; capable of a double interpretation; purposely vague

eremite one who lives in a wilderness or in retirement; a hermit ("eremitic")

erigible capable of being erected [Rare]

erubescent reddish; blushing (see rubescent)

estrade an elevated part of the floor of a room; platform

esurient hungry; needy

ethereous seeming to pervade all space

etiolated whitened; blanched

evanescent passing away gradually or imperceptibly (evanescence)

eventide Poetic: evening time

exanimate deprived of life; inanimate

excoriate to denounce scathingly

exigent demanding; pressing or urgent

exiguous small; minute; slender [L. exiguus- scanty, small ]

fakir a Moslem itinerant beggar, often one claiming to perform miracles (also sp. faquir)

fane a sanctuary; temple

feculent foul with impure substances; muddy

fecundity fertility; richness of invention

femora thigh-bones

fen marsh; bog

ferine relating to or resembling a wild beast; savage (feral)

ferruginous of the color of iron rust; dusky

Fescennine ribald; licentious (from town of Fescennium in Etruria, known for its wild festivals)

fetid emitting an offensive odor (see noisome)

filagree delicate ornamental work formed of intertwisted gold or silver wire

filiated threadlike

firkins wooden vessels ("vermilion fungoid blossoms large as firkins")

flagitious deeply criminal; grossly wicked (see nefandous & nefarious)

flambeaux burning torches

flange a spreading or flaring part; a projecting rim or edge

fleur-de-lis a heraldic figure representing either a lily or the head of a lance

flibbertigibbet an impulsive, flighty, or garrulous person

floe a mass of floating ice

florescence a blooming; the state of being in blossom

fortalice a fortified place; a stronghold [Med. L normal'>fortalitia]

foulder Obs.- to thunder or flash like lightning ("fouldered" ... see fulgor & levin)

frangipanni a perfume prepared from, or imitating the odor of a West Indian tree

franzanita a shrub of the genus Arctosa Phylos; the fruit of one of these shrubs

fretted ornamented with angular or interlocked lines

friable easily crumbled

frore Archaic or Poetic: frozen; frosty

fulgor Archaic: dazzling brightness (fulguration- a sudden brightening … adj.- fulgurant, fulgurating)

fulminating

exploding 2. shouting accusations 3. thundering and lightening [Rare]

fulsome offensively flattering or insincere; excessive (see unctuous)

fulvous reddish-yellow; tawny

fumitory a climbing plant with clusters of pink or purple flowers

funereal mournful; depressingly sad or gloomy

fust a strong musty smell

gamboge a reddish-yellow Oriental gum-resin from certain tropical trees, used as a yellow pigment

garnet

a glasslike mineral of various colors, sometimes cut as a gem 2. deep red

garniture , trimming; embellishment

garth Archaic: a yard; garden [ME.]

Gehenna hell-fire; the place of future punishment

genuflection a bending of the knee, as in worship

geomancy divination by figures or lines formed by a handful of earth cast on the ground

ghazal

a piece of Arabic music with a frequent refrain 2. a form of Persian verse

glabrous smooth

glaucous yellowish-green ("glaucous twilight")

glutinous gluey; sticky

gibbous irregularly rounded or bulging, as the moon when in a phase between half-moon and full

gnomon the style or pin of a sun dial

gossamers fine threads or webs of silk

gracile slender

gramary Archaic: occult lore; magic ("gramaries")

grandiloquence the use of pompous, bombastic words and expressions (see magniloquent & orotund)

greaves dregs of melted tallow

grimalkin an old female cat

guerdon an earned privilege or reward

gules Her.- the tincture red: in a blazon without color, indicated by parallel vertical lines [OF. from L. gula, the throat] ("the leaping of flames that flung their bloody gules")

gymnosophic pertaining to a Hindu sect of ascetics who wore little or no clothing; nude

halcyon calm; peaceful

hamadryad a wood nymph whose life is connected with that of the tree she inhabits

harrow

to tear; to wound 2. to make uncomfortable; to distress

haruspication divination by a normal'>haruspex, a lesser priest or soothsayer in ancient Rome whose business was to inspect the entrails of animals killed in sacrifice [L., lit., an inspector of entrails]

hebetude dullness; stupidity

hecatomb Anciently: a sacrifice of a hundred oxen as an offering to the gods; hence, any great slaughter

Hesperian

western 2. Poetic: of the Hesperides, daughters of Hesperus, guardians of the fabulous garden of golden apples, watched over by an enchanted dragon, at the earth’s western extremity

hesternal pertaining to yesterday ("my own memories grow dim like the fires of hesternal wanderings")

heteroclitic deviating from the ordinary form ("heteroclitic runes")

hieratic consecrated to sacred uses (see sacerdotal)

hierophant Anciently: an expounder of religious mysteries or rites

hippodrome Anciently: a place in which chariot races were performed

holocryptic wholly concealed; arcanic

hornbeam a small variety of the birch tree

houri a nymph of the Moslem Paradise

hummocks small elevations; piles or ridges of ice

hyaline resembling glass; transparent (hyalescence- the state of being glassy)

hydromancy divination by the observation of water

hyperborean frigid; of the far north

hyssop a fragrant, bushy plant of the mint family

ichor Myth.- the ethereal fluid supposed to flow in the veins of the gods

ignescent bursting into flame; emitting sparks of fire [L. normal'>ignescens, ppr. of ignescere- to take fire]

imbricated overlapping, like tiles on a roof, scales of fish, or leaves in a bud ("imbricated leafage")

immedicable incurable (see irremediable)

immemorial beyond memory; originating beyond the reach of records or tradition

immensurable not to be measured; immeasurable (see incommensurable)

immitigable severe or extreme; incapable of appeasement

immomentous unimportant [Rare]

immortelles flowers that retain their color long after they are harvested

immured enclosed or imprisoned (immurement)

impalpable intangible; unreal

incalescent increasing in heat [L.- incalescens, entis, ppr. of incalescere, grow hot... Rare]

incarnadined tinged with the color of flesh; reddened

inchoate begun, but existing in only a rudimentary form [L.- normal'>inchoatus, pp. of inchoare- to begin]

incognizable not capable of being recognized ("incognizably distorted stars")

incommensurable lacking a common measure or standard of comparison; greatly out of proportion

incubus

nightmare 2. an imaginary demon, formerly supposed to cause nightmare, or to have sexual intercourse with the sleeper 3. anything that oppresses

incunablia the earliest traces of an art, race, or development; early specimens of printing and engraving

indepictable indescribable

indesecrate never visited by man; unexplored ("her indesecrate horizons")

indissoluble

incapable of being dissolved, melted, or liquefied 2. firm; lasting (adv.-indissolubly)

indurate hardened; made callous or stubborn (see obdurate)

ineffable inexpressible

ineluctable inescapable; irresistable

inenarrable that cannot be narrated or told

infoliate v. to cover or overspread with leaves [Rare]

infrangible unbreakable [F.] ("the infrangible solitude of remote places")

innominable not to be named (innominate- nameless)

inscrutable incomprehensible; unfathomable

insuperable insurmountable; not to be overcome

integument any natural outer covering, as the skin of an animal, coat of a seed, etc.

interlocutor an interpreter or questioner

interlunar at the time when the moon is invisible; between the old and the new moon

inveigle to lead on with deception; to entice (see wheedling… n.- inveiglement)

investiture a formal investing with authority (Obs.- vestiture...in Zool., a covering of scales or hair)

inveterate

firmly established; of long standing 2. Obs.- bitter; also, ancient (adv.- inveterately)

invidious envious; provoking evil

involitient not capable of exercising the will; mindless [Rare] (volitient- exercising volition)

involuted

intricate; confusingly mingled 2. Botany: rolled inward at the edges

invultuation an evil spell

iridescent having rainbow-like colors; shimmering [Gk. iris, a rainbow, and escent- prismatic]

irrefragable incapable of being refuted; unanswerable

irremeable admitting of no return

irremediable

not to be remedied 2. not to be corrected or redressed

irresoluble

that cannot be resolved; insoluble 2. that cannot be relieved

isoteric having the same number and arrangement of electrons ("isoteric luster")

ithyphallic relating to the phallus used in the festivals of Bacchus; hence, obscene or lewd

jacinth a reddish-orange precious stone; a hyacinth

jasper an opaque variety of quartz, of red, yellow, or brown, and admitting of high polish

jetty black

ka in Egyptian myth, the spiritual self, believed to dwell in images, and to survive in the tomb

kava a Polynesian shrub of the pepper family, and beverage made from it

lacunae gaps; blank spaces

lambent softly radiant (n.- lambency…"lambence")

lamia Myth.- a female vampire preying upon infants; witch ("lamiae")

lancinating piercing, as a shooting pain

Laocoon Myth.- the priest of Apollo at Troy, who warned the Trojans against the wooden horse, and was killed with his two sons, by two serpents sent by Athena

lapidaries those who cut, engrave and set precious stones

lazuli blue spar; lapis lazuli, a semi-precious stone used by the ancients for decoration

legerdemain

sleight of hand; tricks of a stage magician 2. trickery of any sort

leman Archaic: a sweetheart or lover; esp. a mistress

lentor

tenacity [Rare] 2. slowness of movement; sluggishness ("the lentor of Lethe")

leonine pertaining to a lion; fierce

Lethean imparting forgetfulness, or, the anxious foreboding of oblivion

levin Archaic: lightning [ME.- levene]

Liassic Geol: pertaining to the Lias, bluish rocks which are the oldest strata of the Jurassic Period

littoral the shore; the region on the shore of the sea or a large lake

locution a mode of speech; a phrase

loess Geol: a pale, yellowish clay or loam

lubricious lascivious (see salacious)

lubricity slipperiness; hence, shiftiness; instability

lucent shining; luminous

lucubration laborious study or writing [often in pl.] (humorous usage suggesting pedantry)

lugubrious expressing sorrow

luminary any body that gives light, or, a famous intellectual, as, normal'>luminaries of Europe

lunation Astron.- the interval between two returns of the new moon

lune a geometrical figure in the shape of a crescent or half-moon

lustrum a period of five years

machicolation a vertical opening in the floor of a projecting gallery or parapet for hurling missiles or pouring boiling lead onto the enemy

machinations plots; artful schemes

madder

a climbing plant; esp. Rubia tinctorum, a vine with small yellow flowers and berries 2. the red root of this plant, or a red dye made from it 3. bright red; crimson

magistral n. 1. a sovereign remedy [Obs.] 2. adj.- Phar.- specially prepared; not kept on hand

magniloquent lofty, pompous, or grandiose in speech or style of expression (adv.-magniloquently)

malachite a green mineral, found in massive encrustations, that can be polished for ornamental uses

malefic harmful; evil (maleficent- causing injury; maleficial... "malefical"... see next entry)

malign of an evil nature or character

malisons Archaic: maledictions; curses; invocations of evil

Mandragora a genus of herbaceous plants of the nightshade family, which have narcotic properties

mandrake

a poisonous plant, genus mandragora, found in the Mediterranean regions: it has a short stem, purple or white flowers, and a thick root, often forked; deadly nightshade 2. the root, formerly thought to resemble the human shape

mangonel a military apparatus formerly used for throwing stones [OF]

mantle n. 1. a cloak or loose, sleeveless garment 2. anything that covers or conceals

manumission emancipation; being released from bondage (v.- manumit- to release from slavery)

marah bitter water

marcescent withered; wizened

marish marshy; boggy

marmoreal made of or resembling marble

matutinal pertaining to or occurring in the morning [L. from normal'>Matuta, the goddess of morning]

mauve a purple dye and pigment; any of several delicate shades of purple

melange an unsorted medley of things; a literary miscellany

melanite a velvet-black variety of garnet

Memnon a gigantic statue of an Egyptian king at Thebes, said to emit a musical note at first dawn

menhir a tall, rude or sculptured stone of unknown antiquity

mephitic noxious; pestilential

mere a pond or pool

meretricious

pertaining to or characteristic of a prostitute 2. alluring by false, showy charms; tawdry

meridian noontime; the highest point of anything

miasmal poisonous; vaporous (also miasmatic-- "miasmata")

midge

a common name for gnats 2. a dwarf

migniard Obs.- delicate; frail

minaret a high slender tower, with one or more projecting balconies

missal a black-letter or manuscript book of early date resembling the old Mass books

moiety a half; a small portion

monads Biol.- any simple, single-celled organisms; atoms (atomies)

moraine Geol.- a ridge or heap of earth, stones, sand, or other debris carried by a glacier

morbidezza in painting, delicacy or softness of flesh tints

mordant caustic; cynical

moribund at the point of death; dying

mortuary pertaining to the burial of the dead; relating to or reminiscent of the dead

moted containing fine floating dust or specks

mottlings blotches or spots of different color or shades of color (see variegated)

multifarious having great diversity or variety

multitudinous vast in number

murrain a malignant fever affecting domestic animals; any plague or pestilence

must wine or juice pressed from the grape but not fermented

myrmidon a faithful adherent; an unscrupulous follower

myrrh aromatic gum resin, from several trees and shrubs of Arabia and Abyssinia

nacarat bright orange-red color

nacre mother-of-pearl; the brilliant internal layer of oysters or other shells ("minarets of nacre")

nebulous cloudy; hazy [L.- nebulosus, from nebula- a cloud, mist, vapor] (n.- nebulosity)

necromancy divination by means of communication with the dead; the black art

necrophagous subsisting on carrion [Gk.- nekrophagos- eating dead bodies] ("necrophagism")

necrophore a burying beetle

necropolis an extensive cemetery that is ornamentally laid out

nefandous blasphemous in character; not to be named

nefarious abominable; atrociously sinful or villainous

neophyte a new convert; novice (see novitiate & proselytes)

nescience ignorance; esp. that due either to the nature of the human mind or of external things

nethermost deepest

noctambulistic like a sleepwalker; somnambulist ("her noctambulistic paces")

noctiluca

anything which shines in the darkness; phosphorous 2. small phosphorescent marine organisms that cause parts of the sea to appear luminous

noctilucent luminous by night

noctuary an account of what passes in the night: the converse of normal'>diary [Rare]

noisome offensive to the smell or other senses

novitiate the period of probation of a novice in a religious order; a novice

nyctalopia the faculty or defect of seeing only in darkness

nympholepsy an ecstatic frenzy, said to have taken possession of one who looked upon a nymph; hence, an emotional state caused by unrealizable desire ("satyrs mad with nympholepsy")

obdurate unmoved by feelings of humanity or pity

obeisance a bow of reverence or respect

obelisk a monument of rectangular form, generally forming a low pyramid structure

objurgations rebukes; scoldings

obliquely indirectly; evasively (adj.- obliquitous)

obloquy censorious speech; vilification; also, the state of one who is spoken ill of

obsequial cringing; servile

obsequies funeral services or preparations

obsidian a glossy, black volcanic rock

obstreporous boisterous or unruly; vociferous

occlude to obstruct; to shut in or out

occultation Astron.- concealment of one celestial body by another interposed in the line of vision

ocher an earthy clay, colored with iron oxides and varying in color from pale yellow to deep orange or brownish-red (adj.- ocherous- of a yellow or red color)

odalisques female slaves; concubines

offal carrion; rubbish of any kind

oleaginous pertaining to oil; oily

olibanum Oriental frankincense

omnivalent (omniscient- all-knowing, + omniverous- taking in everything, as an omniverous reader)

opalescent resembling an opal in play of colors; iridescent

ophidian snakelike; pertaining to serpents

orchidaceous like an orchid in showiness, beauty, etc.

orichalch in ancient Greece, an alloy of copper and zinc, resembling gold (orichalchum…see similor)

orlop the lowest deck of a ship; esp. a warship

orotund

full; mellow; resonant; strong: said of the voice 2. pompous: said of a style of writing

oscitancy the act of gaping or yawning; drowsiness

osier any of various related species of willow, whose twigs are used in making baskets

ossuary a charnel house

ostent

Obs.- appearance; manner 2. manifestation; portent [Rare]

oubliette a secret dungeon with an entrance only through the top

pandanus Asiatic shrublike trees of the screw pine family

pandemonium

the abode of all demons; the infernal regions 2. extreme disorder or uproar

pannakins small pans or cups

parapegms in ancient Greece, a table, usually of brass, fixed to a pillar, on which laws and proclamations were engraved; also, a table set in a public place, containing an account of the rising and setting of the stars, eclipses, seasons, etc. ("the brazen tablets of astronomical parapegms")

pards Archaic: leopards

parhelia mock-suns, sometimes white and sometimes tinted with prismatic colors

parterre a flower garden having beds arranged in a pattern [F- normal'>par- by + L.- terra- earth]

pell Obs.- a roll of parchment

pentacle a figure of five straight lines, making a star; in magic, a circle with figures and symbols

penumbra a partial shadow; a margin of shadow caused by the partial interception of light from an illuminating body, as in an eclipse (adj.- penumbral- incompletely illuminated)

perambulations traveling surveys or inspections (see peregrinate)

perdurable very durable; lasting

peregrinate to travel from place to place; to wander (n.- peregrinations)

pernoctation the act of passing the whole night ("saintly pernoctations of prayer and austerity")

peroration the concluding part of a speech

perspicatious quick-sighted; seeing through or understanding something promptly

phantasmagoria a changing, incoherent series of apparitions or phantasms

philtres magical drafts supposed to excite sexual love

Phlegethonian Myth.- fiery, like Phlegethon, one of the five rivers of Hades ("without sound or other ostent than the Phlegethonian luster that surrounds its body and members")

phylactery

an amulet worn as a preservative from danger or disease among the Jews 2. a strip of parchment inscribed with religious texts and enclosed in a leather case

pilaster a square pillar projecting from a wall to a short distance

pinnate Bot: having the shape or arrangement of a feather; said of compound leaves

pismires ants

planturous abundant ("planturous lyricism")

plenilune Poetic: the full moon [L.- plenus- full + luna- moon]

plenipotentiary n. an ambassador

plexus an interwoven arrangement of parts; a network

plummet a piece of lead or other metal attached to a line, used for sounding the water’s depth

porphyry an Egyptian rock with red and white feldspar crystals embedded in a fine-grained, dark-red or purplish ground mass [Gk.- porphyros- purple] ("porphyritic")

porrected projecting; extending horizontally

postern a back gate; a private entrance

poulaine a medieval shoe with a long pointed toe

preciptancy extreme haste; falling or rushing headlong

prescience knowledge of events before they happen

preternatural beyond what is natural, as opposed to supernatural (above nature)

primordial from the earliest time; original

profulgent Poetic: gleaming; brilliant

promontory a high point of land extending into the sea beyond the line of coast; headland

proselytes new converts to a religion

psammite fine-grained, clayey sandstone

puissant powerful; mighty

pullulation germination; breeding

purlieus environs; the part lying adjacent to a property [F.- normal'>lieu- a place]

purpureal purplish (see violescent)

purulent containing or discharging pus; suppurating

pusillanimous cowardly; faint-hearted

pylon Archit.- a truncated pyramid, or two of these, forming a gateway to an Egyptian temple

pythonomorph one of the Pythonomorpha, a group of extinct marine reptiles from the Cretaceous rocks of America and Europe. Some species were more than 50 feet long. ("huge pythonomorphs with fabulous golden coils")

quadrireme ancient Greek or Roman warship with four banks of oars

quinquangular having five angles or corners [Obs.] ("paven with immense quinquangular flags")

quintessential having in concentrated form the essential part; purest

quotidian occurring or returning every day; daily

raddling patterns formed by weaving or twisting together ("fantastic raddlings of ebony")

ramified divided or branched out

rattans the long, tough, flexible stems of a palm tree; the palm trees themselves

ravelled Archaic: tangled; confused

recherche choice; rare

recondite remote from easy perception; secret; hidden [L.- normal'>reconditus, pp. of recondere, put away]

recrudescence a breaking out afresh, as of a disease or wound

recumbent reclining or leaning; idle

regnant reigning; dominant, as a queen regnant

renascent reborn; showing new life and strength [L.]

retiarii n. pl. in ancient Rome, gladiators furnished with a net and a trident; hence, spiders or marine organisms with netlike meshes [L- rete- a net]

reticulation a network of crisscrossed lines or veins, as in leaves

revenant one who or that which returns; a ghost

rime congealed dew or vapor; hoarfrost

roc Myth.- in Arabian and Persian legend, a fabulous bird of prey, so huge and strong that it could carry off the largest of animals

roseate

rose-colored; rosy 2. cheerful; bright

rubescent reddened or becoming red

rubicund inclining to redness; reddish; ruddy

ruddled marked or colored with red ocher

rufous of a reddish or brownish-red color; rust-colored

runlet

a small brook or stream 2. A small barrel, or the measure of wine it contains, about 18 gallons (alternate spelling of rundlet)

runneled interspersed with rivulets or small brooks

russet reddish-brown [L.- russus- reddish]

rutilant of a shining red color [L- rutilare- to have a reddish glow] ("Like Satan’s rutilant hair, trailing on the wind of Gehenna…")

sacerdotal pertaining to priests or the priesthood

sacrosanct considered holy; inviolable

salacious lustful; lecherous

saltant leaping; jumping; dancing [L.]

salubriousness healthfulness

samite an old rich silk, interwoven with gold and embroidered

sang-froid calmness in trying circumstances

sanguinary accompanied by much bloodshed; bloodthirsty; or, characterized by vigorous activity

sanguine having the color of blood; ruddy; said esp. of complexions

sanies a thin, reddish discharge from wounds or sores; bloody matter

sapience wisdom; sageness

saraband a stately Spanish dance in triple time, of the 17th century

sarcophagous carniverous

sard the deep brownish-red variety of chalchedony

saturnine of a grave or morose disposition

savant a man of learning who is eminent in his acquirements

scatheful harmful; injurious

scaurs cliffs or rocky places on the sides of a hill

scintillant sparkling [L. scintillans, ppr. of scintillare- to sparkle]

scoriac adj.- littered with fragmentary lava [Rare] (from scoriaceous)

sedge grasslike growths, usually in tufts or clumps, near marshes or swamps (adj.- sedgy)

sedulously in a diligent manner

seines large nets for catching fish

selenic lunar [Gk. selene, the moon… Selene, the goddess of the moon]

sempervirent evergreen; always fresh [L.- semper- always + normal'>virens, ppr. of virere- to be green or verdant]

sendal a light, thin, silken fabric

senescence the process or state of growing old

sententious full of judicious observations; having brevity and weight of meaning

sepia

a dark-brown pigment prepared from the inky fluid secreted by cuttlefish 2. a dark reddish-brown color

septagonal having seven angles and seven sides (coinage- a combination of septangular and heptagonal)

sepulchral suggestive of the grave; low or hollow in tone; dismal in aspect

seraglio a harem

sere withered; dried up

serried compacted in rows or ranks

shagreen an Oriental leather or parchment, usually dyed green

shoal

a shallow place in a river, sea, etc. 2. a sandbank or sandbar

sibilant making a hissing sound (n.- sibilation)

sibyl a prophetess; a sorceress (adj.- sibylline)

sidereal

pertaining to the stars or constellations; starry 2. measured by means of the stars ("intersidereal," "transidereal")

similor an alloy of copper and zinc, resembling gold and used in making jewelry

simoom a hot, dry, dust-laden wind of the desert (also sp. simoon)

simulacra an image, made in the likeness of a being; a shadowy semblance

sinuous winding; undulating

sistrum a jingling instrument used by the ancient Egyptians in religious ceremonies ("sistra")

somnolent drowsy

sonority high-soundedness; resonance

sortilege the act of drawing lots; divination by lots

spar any of various crystalline minerals which easily break into fragments with polished surfaces

spindrift the blinding spray of salt water blown from the surface of the sea in hurricanes

sternutations sneezings

stertorous characterized by a deep snoring sound or labored breathing

stridors a shrill, creaking, screechy or grating noise

stridulations small, harsh creaking noises, as made by some insects

succubus a female demon, fabled to have intercourse with men in their sleep

sultana a sultan’s wife, daughter or sister

supernal related to things above us; celestial

supplicative gesturing with entreaty; humbly begging

susurrous whispering; a soft, murmuring sound ("the dry, susurrous voice")

suzerain a ruler, esp. a feudal lord or baron (suzerainty) [F.]

sward land thickly covered with grass

swart of a dark hue; moderately black; tawny (see umber)

sybaritic devoted to pleasure and luxurious ease [Gk [from Sybaris, a town proverbial for its luxury]

Sybarites an inhabitant of Sybaris; voluptuary

sycophant a servile flatterer

syenite a granitic rock of grayish color, found near Syene in Upper Egypt

sylvan pertaining to a wood or forest

syncope sudden faintness, with loss of sensation

tabouret a stool or small seat, without arms or back

tamarack black variety of the coniferous larch tree, remarkable for its elegant form

tarboosh a red woolen skullcap; fez

telluric pertaining to the earth (see terrene)

tenebrific making dark or gloomy (tenebrous)

teratology Biol.- that branch of science which deals with monsters or malformations

terebinth the turpentine tree; also, a name for various resinous exudations

termagant a brawling, turbulent woman (see virago)

terraqueous consisting of land and water, as the earth

terrene

earthy; terrestrial 2. worldly; mundane

thallophytes members of the lowest phylum of plants (algae, bacteria, lichens, and fungi)

thaumaturgy the act of performing something wonderful; magic [Gk.- normal'>thaumatourgia]

thrall bondage; figuratively: one controlled by a passion or a vice

thuribles censers in the shape of a covered vase

tocsin an alarm bell ("tocsin of doom")

tonsure the round, bare place on the heads of Roman Catholic monks ("tonsured")

topaz the yellow sapphire

topiarized shaped by clipping or pruning

torrefaction the act of torrefying or the state of being torrefied (roasted or scorched) [F]

tourmaline a semiprecious mineral with a resinous luster, used as gem [F]

translucent transmitting light, but not rendering objects beyond distinctly visible

trellising

structures of thin wooden or metal strips crossing each other in a pattern of squares, diamonds, etc., on which vines or other creeping plants are trained 2. a bower or archway of this 3. Her.- latticework

tremulous trembling

trilithon a monument of two upright stones topped by a projecting block or arch

trivet a three-legged stand for holding vessels in a fireplace

trouvere one of a class of poets in northern France from the 11th to 14th centuries, distinguished from the troubadours of southern France by the narrative and epic character of their works

tumescence a swelling; a swollen part (adj.- tumid… see turgescence)

tureen a deep, covered dish, as for a soup

turgescence a swollen or enlarged condition

tutelary adj.- guardian; protecting

ultramundane beyond the world, the solar system, or the present life

ultrastellar from beyond the stars

ululation a howling, as of a wolf or dog; a wailing

umber of a dusky hue; brownish

umbrageous

shady or shaded 2. easily offended 3. Obs.- obscure (umbrageously)

unctuous characterized by a smug pretence of spiritual feeling or fervor; unduly suave

undine Myth.- a female water spirit, corresponding to the naiads

unforelimnable (a coinage)

usufruct the right of using another’s property for profit, without spoiling its substance

vacilant fluctuating; wavering (v.- vacilate)

valediction a bidding of farewell

variegated

Marked with various colors or tints 2. Exhibiting different forms, styles, or varieties

verdigris the green or bluish patina formed on copper, bronze or brass surfaces long exposed

veridical veracious; truth-telling [L.- veridicus- speaking the truth]

verisimilitude a semblance of truth or reality

vermiculated adorned with traceries resembling the tracks of worms

vermilion

bright-red mercuric sulfide, used as a pigment 2. scarlet; brilliantly red

vertiginous dizzying; affected by vertigo

vestment clothing or covering, esp. a garment or robe of office

viands articles of food; choice dishes

vicinal neighboring; adjoining

villanelle a short poem of several stanzas (usually 5) of three lines each, and a final stanza of 4 lines: it has only two rhymes throughout

violescent tending to a violet color

virago

a bold, shrewish woman 2. Archaic: a strong, large, manlike woman; an amazon

viscid semi-fluid and sticky

vitriolene (coinage… describes spacesuits; see next entry)

vitriolic extremely biting or caustic; sharp and bitter (from vitriol)…[L.- vitreus- glassy]

vizier the title of high political officers in Turkish and other Mohammedan states

vocable a word considered as a unit of sounds or letters, without regard to meaning

volitation the act of flying; flight

volumen a roll of manuscript

volute Archit.- a spiral scroll used as an ornament in Ionic and Corinthian capitals

wafture something conveyed through water or air, as an odor

wattling a fleshy process, often brightly colored, hanging from the neck of a bird

weft a woven fabric; web

weir an obstruction placed in a stream to raise or divert the water

welkin Archaic or Poetic: the vault of the sky; the heavens

wheedling persuading by flattery or gentle pleading; coaxing

wilderment Poetic: bewilderment; confusion

Will-o’-the-wisp

Ignis fatuus; a phosphorescent light seen in the air over marshy places 2. Figuratively: a delusion; deceptive attraction

windlass a mechanism for lifting by rope, usually with a cranking attachment

withes willow or osier twigs; vines [ME.- wythes]

wraith an apparition of a person, believed to be alive, seen shortly before or after his death; specter

wried (coinage... "wried and twisted constellations")

wyvern Her.- a monster with two wings, two legs, a tapering body and a barbed tail

yoke Figuratively: enslavement

zircon a mineral occurring in lustrous brown or grey prisms, used as a gem

PRIMARY SOURCES

Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary. 2nd Ed., 1983. Brittanica World Language Ed. of Funk & Wagnall’s Standard Dictionary. 2 Vols., 1960.

SECONDARY SOURCES

The American Heritage Dictionary, 1994. Funk & Wagnall’s Standard Dictionary, 1993.

Many thanks to Ralph Grasso for sharing this!

#clark ashton smith #vocab #vocabulary #english vocabulary #expand your vocabulary #words #fancy words #elegant language #english language #word of the day #weird fiction #HP Lovecraft #science fiction #fantasy literature #english literature

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xjoonchildx · 3 years ago

Note

dearest ana, as another humble request, pls list your favourite bangtan hair colours and/or styles. i KNOW this is going to put you through mass amounts of painful deliberation, and i, for one, cannot wait to read all about it. sincerely, hope xoxo

okay hopie my love - let's run down the best bangtan hairstyles.

*post not sponsored by olaplex despite the number of references i've made to that miracle product on the dash of late*

kim namjoon

say it with me (again). joon looks fucking amazing with an undercut. this undercut specifically with the silver/gunmetal hair, the close-shaved back and sides, this was a look and i'm almost certain i gasped out loud the first time i saw this set of pictures. the only thing i'm asking for now is thiccjoon with this cut and color. i don't think i've set the bar too high. give me what i want, bang PD. i've given you my entire life savings.

kim seokjin

blonde seokjin supremacy, period. y'all, seokjin is so flipping hot with this blonde hair i'm shook every time he does it. this whole era honestly. fire? save me? blonde seokjin came for souls and he got them. if anyone needs me, i'll be sitting on the floor in this middle of this circle of candles trying to summon him one more time.

min yoongi

mint muthaf*&^%n yoongi, y'all. this was a look on mr. min and he knows it. i honestly don't even think this color would work on another one of the members but it suits him so well, particularly when paired with these delightfully thick nerd glasses. be my poetry-reading, coffee-sipping emo boyfriend yoongi. i'm asking nicely.

jung hoseok

y'all, i really sat here for ten minutes mulling over this decision like important shit really hangs in the balance. first i was like, pewter hoseok. because that cut/color he was pulling off in the ON era was fire. but. then. i. thought. about. this. look. from. butter. not quite the ice blonde, not the banana yellow, sure as hell not that highlighter color they rolled out but this blonde. this white blonde with the shaved sides. this. THIS. send help.

park jimin

surprise, surprise. jimin looks amazing in literally every hair color, i know you're just shocked. so it took me a minute to pick. blonde undercut idol jimin? pink-haired kitty gang jimin? black-haired lip-ring wearing daechwita jimin? in the end, i had to go with a throwback. silver-haired, silver-tongued BST jimin who snatched my soul in this MV with this look. this suits him so damned well, the cut and the color.

kim taehyung

this might be the ultimate boyfriend fantasy picture. the messy bed head, just perfectly tousled. tae looks amazing with his god-given dark hair. it suits his style, his look, his vibe. may the stylist noonas never again disrespect this man's legendary beauty with another crispy ramen perm. he was crafted by the creator perfect as he is.

jeon jungkook

we've gotten a lot of different JK hair looks in the past year or so. we had that clip-on mullet in winter package, purple koo, blonde koo, bloo koo. but honestly none of those koos are as tasty as Original Recipe™ koo. jungkook has said himself that he likes his hair dark and you know what, we like it too. dark and just a little long, just a little sweaty? that's the shit i like. just perfect.

#best bangtan hairstyles

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blazenfire223 · 2 years ago

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[ID in undercut]

⚠️⚠️CW: Day 20 there is light nudity and Day 22 there is a bit of blood⚠️⚠️

(ArtTober) Days 16-23

Day 16- Roar (Maahes and Memi belong to @ stargazerdowntown (insta))

Day 17- Texture (I cut a pattern out and glued it is :3 )

Day 18- Conjure (Sariel summoning Ana @ chibiq122 (insta))

Day 19- Drag (I still don't know what he did... ((also @ chibiq122's))

Day 20- Lazy (🥰🥰)

Day 21- Reflection (Good Omens Pibi AU that has been swimming in my head since I saw the video)

Day 22- Skull (I'm so proud of this)

Day 23- Upward (Izzy enjoying a peaceful night)

Prompt list belongs to @ mrsmoosie35 (instagram)

ID: Day 16- Roar: A traditional inked illustration of @ stargazerdowntown's Empty Chests AU, Memi and Maahes. Maahes is in lion form and is laying down. He yawns. Memi is behind him, face snuggling into his back. Little hearts float above them.

Day 17- Texture: A traditional inked illustration of Edward Teach. It's a redraw of the 'Fine Fabric' scene. Edward is holding a peice of fabric to his face when Stede says, off camera, "Fancy a fine fabric?". Edward, smiling, says, "I suppose I do.." The fabric he is holding has a purple rose pattern on it, a peice of patterned card stock that was cut out and glued on the page.

Day 18- Conjure: A traditional inked illustration of Anansi from @ chibiq122's Star Weaver AU and Sariel from my Blind Bear AU. Inside a ritual circle stands a scared Ana. He is wearing a turtleneck sweater and baggy pants and has his hair tied back in a fluffy ponytail. Just off to the left sits a fascinated Sariel. They are also wearing a turtleneck sweater and baggy pants. Their hair is tied back with a bright blue now. They shout, "It worked!"

Day 19- Drag: A traditional inked illustration of Raphael from @chibiq122's Star Weaver AU and David from, also @ chibiq122's, Bun and Dove AU. David angrily drags Raphael somewhere by his ear while Raphael cries out in pain, shouting "ow" over and over. Raphael is holding the arm that is dragging him and is tearing up.

Day 20- Lazy: A traditional inked illustration of Sariel and Damien from my Blind Bear AU. Damien is in Bear form. Him and Sariel are cuddling. Sariel has their hair down and is naked, their scars all on display. Sariel's face is buried in Damien's neck and their right hand is lightly cupping Damien's face. Damien has one hand on Sariel's back and another supporting their bottom. They're both asleep. It's a sweet moment.

Day 21- Reflection: A traditional inked illustration of Aziraphale. He is standing at his bathroom sink washing his face. In the mirror is him but he's all glitched and creepy. His face adorning a smile a bit too wide for his face and eyes that are completely blank and lifeless. He has one hand on the glass and looks like he wants to grab Aziraphale by the throat. All around the horrifying Aziraphale are black swirls, a mass that seems attached to him. Aziraphale still hasn't noticed...

Day 22- Skull: A traditional marker illustration of Guillermo de la Cruz and Nandor from What We Do In The Shadows. Guillermo is standing in front of Nandor, who is faced away from the camera, holding a skull in his right and a wooden steak in his left. He is covered in blood from top to bottom. The skull he is holding is also crying blood. He also wears a cross necklace. He has a mostly neutral expression, maybe a bit focused. His eyes can't be seen, they are white out by the sheen on his glasses. Small wings are behind Guillermo along with a white halo that shines above his head. There are words on the page that say 'I am your Angel of Death."

Day 23- Upward: A traditional water color illustration of Izzy Hands. He is leaning on the edge of a rail on The Revenge looking up at the sky. It's dark and the moon shines bright down at him. Stars also shine in the multicolored sky. It's a peaceful night, calm and quiet. /End ID]

#aziraphale #crowley #good omens #ofmd #blazenfire223 #ineffable husbands #ineffable spouses #izzy hands #blazenfire223's art #good omens art stuffs #ofmd art stuffs #blind bear au #edward teach #wwdits #guillermo

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still-single · 4 years ago

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Still Single / Heathen Disco 2020 End of Year Recap

I guess I’m back! I started gingerly dipping back over into Tumblr to publish some reviews as a means of cutting through all the bondage photos and anime screencaps and people still living on Tumblrs (shout out to anyone still Tumblin', it's alright). I also redoubled my efforts to do great radio shows, and that seems to bother some of you enough to unsubscribe, but I'm feeling great about all that. If you wanna hear those shows, you can go to Mixcloud and listen to your hearts' content. Those 5-6 reviews on here actually turned up worthwhile music in my PO box, so thanks to those who submitted.

This was gonna be the year I reintroduced myself to the world. Don't make plans like that. Things are a lot better now than I thought they'd be, and the time I burnt up on movies and self-reflection this year was probably more needed than another DJ gig or whatever. Radio sustained me, I will freely admit, and finding records out in the wild once shops reopened was really killer too.

Anyway, time for a year-end recap, right?

Top 10 albums, historical (alphabetical): Adulkt Life – Book of Curses (What’s Your Rupture?) Bailterspace – Concret (self-released) The Cowboy – Wi-Fi on the Prairie (Feel It) Angel Bat Dawid and Tha Brotherhood – Live (International Anthem) Home Blitz – All Through the Year EP (Sophomore Lounge) MJ Guider – Sour Cherry Bell (Kranky) David Nance – Staunch Honey (Trouble in Mind) Theo Parrish – Wuddaji (Sound Signature) Schisms – Speech Copy Rap Master (Fort Evil Fruit) Sweeping Promises – Hunger for a Way Out (Feel It)

25 more, just because, also alphabetical: Ana Roxanne – Because of a Flower (Kranky) Clemency – References EP and remixes (2 B REAL) Tara Clerkin Trio – self-titled (Laura Lies In) Dezron Douglas & Brandee Younger – Force Majeure (International Anthem) DJ Python – Mas Amable (Incienso) FACS – Void Moments (Trouble in Mind) Green/Blue – self-titled (Slovenly) Gun Outfit – Clean Runs the Thread (Joyful Noise) Janedriver – You Know It’s True EP (self-released) Junk Drawer – Ready for the House (Art for Blind) Lavender Flu – Barbarian Dust (In the Red) / Tomorrow Cleaners (MEDS) … technically two releases, but really just chapters in the same book Lewsberg – In This House (12XU) Melenas – Dias Raros (Trouble in Mind) The Midnight Steppers – Isolation Drives (Radical Documents) Oily Boys – Cro Memory Grin (Cool Death) Optic Sink – self-titled (Goner) Permission – Organised People Suffer (La Vida Es Un Mus) Pool Holograph – Love Touched Time … and Time Began to Sweat (Sunroof) Riki – self-titled (Dais) Sacred Product – Same Old Gag (Eternal Souncheck) The Soft Pink Truth – Shall We Go on Sinning So That Grace May Increase? (Thrill Jockey) Special Interest – The Passion Of (Night School/Thrilling Living) Luke Stewart – Luke Stewart Exposure Quintet (Astral Spirits) Vanessa Worm – VANESSA 77 (Optimo Musik) Jim White & Marisa Anderson – The Quickening (Thrill Jockey)

15 reissues/archival, alphabetical yet again: Dadamah – This Is Not a Dream (Grapefruit) East Village – Hotrod Hotel (Slumberland) The Eighteenth Day of May – self-titled (Cardinal Fuzz/Feeding Tube) Endless Boogie – The Gathered and Scattered (No Quarter) Flaming Tunes – self-titled (Superior Viaduct) Anthony Moore – OUT (Drag City) Musica Transonic – self-titled (Black Editions) Naujawanan Baidar – self-titled (Cardinal Fuzz/Feeding Tube) No Trend – Too Many Humans/Teen Love box set (Drag City) The Only Ones – Live in Chicago 1979 (Alona’s Dream) Rema-Rema – Wheel in Small Doses Extended Version (Le Coq Musique) Vertical Slit – Live at Browns (Siltbreeze) Vivienne Styg – Rose of Texas (Tall Texan) The Whip – self-titled (Wantage USA) Various Artists – Strum & Thrum: The American Jangle Underground (Captured Tracks)

Top 10 Record Scores this year, A to zed: The Church – Sing-Songs 12” EP (Parlophone) The Equals – Equals Party live promo 12” (Phonogram) HNO3 – Doughnut Dollies 12” (R & S) Annea Lockwood – Glass World of Anna Lockwood LP (Tangent) Optik/Equal Phaze – split one-sided 12” test press (no label) Six Finger Satellite – Severe Exposure LP/12” (Sub Pop) Sweet Breeze – Across the Desert LP (Feathers) Tappi Tíkarrass – Miranda LP (Gramm) Various Artists – Best of the Beat Greatest Hits LP, purple sleeve (Espera) Various Artists – Le Mysterieux 12” EP (Musique Pour La Danse)

Favorite movies discovered in 2020:

“The Pyx” | 1973, d. Harvey Hart “Ring of Darkness” | 1979, d. Pier Carpi “Rivals” | 1972, d. Krishna Shah (and RIP to Mike “McBeardo” McPadden, who made me aware of it, as he made many people aware of the insane secret histories of genre cinema) “Satisfaction” | 1988, d. Joan Freeman “Savage Three” | 1975, d. Vittorio Salerno

Resolutions for 2021: Open things up, share more, care more.

_______ New Year, Doug Mosurock

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mxvladdy · 4 years ago

Text

A Break- Prt. 4

Hey Hey. Here is part 4 (yay). I think this story is almost at the end. I'm thinking one more large part and an epilogue.

Hope y'all like!

To be caught so unaware was an embarrassment to his lineage. He had been trained since birth to never let his guard down. He was the eldest son, a target had been placed on his back since conception. No doubt his ancestors were laughing at him now as he bled out on the grimy floor.

His team had been hit during a lull between shifts. Such an amateur mistake. Talon struck just as he was winding down for the night. The warm buzz of alcohol and his girlfriend’s laughter promising to send him into a peaceful slumber. Hanzo’s good mood dissipated the moment his head hit the pillow and the sirens blared to life in his room. He should have never gotten this comfortable. The weeks at this compound had been boring, to say the least.

Begrudgingly, Hanzo had to admit that it had been a clever attack. The southern wall was this location’s weakest. The high winds and frozen spray from the ocean constantly wearing down the cement and weakening the steel. Sombra- the ever thorn in Winston’s side- had disabled Athena and her turrets for just enough time to sneak through and create a hole large enough for their team to infiltrate Overwatch’s halls. It had been sheer dumb luck that Reinhardt was early to his patrol spot that tonight. The first flood of talon operatives caught off guard just as much as he was. It was a quick and dirty fight. While Talon grunts had the advantage of numbers; the German giant was a seasoned fighter.

Hanzo’s room was lucky closest to the initial fight. Using Reinhardt’s boisterous fighting style to guild him down the maze-like corridors Hanzo entered the fray. Together they pushed back the seemingly endless waves of bodies being thrown at them. “Where is the rest of the team?” Wilhelm roars over his shoulder, a fresh gash from a fight with a talon assassin blinding his good eye. He swings out wildly, catching a few foot soldiers with his hammer.

“I cannot say,” Hanzo calls back, letting his arrow fly true around his german shield. “I was unable to reach them.” Damn it. He switches to melee, his quiver empty and useless on the floor. They were separated from the team and outplayed. Fine. Hanzo wipes the blood and sweat from his brow. These bastards may have divided them, but he would never let them be conquered.

“Move!” Hanzo shouts between a wild spray of bullets. Wilhelm grunts with the force of the projectiles bouncing off his shield. The sides of which begin to crack from the damage. Pulling an arrow from a fallen enemy’s chest the marksman readies himself.

Reinhardt looks back at him knowingly. He feels the hairs on his arms rise as the dragons awaken, the corridor filling with the scent of ozone. “With pleasure my friend!” He laughs, dropping his shield and jumping to the side. Hanzo’s dragons roar to life from his skin, maws wide and greedy for blood. They shoot down the hall, amplified by their master’s frustration. The psychic link he shared with them allowed him to feel the spill of his enemies' blood and splintering bone as they built momentum. It did little to soothe his pride, but it felt good all the same. Ignoring his fighting companions' shouts of victory, Hanzo cocks his head. Something about this whole encounter made him uneasy. Everything about this was too easy. The enemy fell back too easily, and for such a planned break-in. Talon would have checked which agents were here and would have planned accordingly to counter them. “Wilhelm, we must-”

Then the floor caves; a large metal hand breaking through. Unforgiving fingers wrap around his torso. Despite how loud hundreds of pounds of concrete and rebar being torn apart had to be. Hanzo heard nothing but the high pitch whine of fear and rush of wind as he was pulled down. Time froze for a moment. His gaze hyper fixated on Wilhelms' wide-eyed look of panic. One gargantuan hand reaching for the archer unsuccessfully as Hanzo plummets.

Hanzo wakes to the feeling of warmth all over. For a moment in a dazed illusion, he thought he had perhaps slipped in the shower. A hot liquid spread across the tattered remains of his sleepwear and coated his face. The coppery scent of it assaulting his nostrils and making him gag. He blinks up in a daze. The hole he fell though was all but a pinprick above him. What little light he had was dimmed by grey and deep crimson spots swimming in his vision. Kuso .

He tries to move but stops at a sharp pain shooting through his thighs and spine. He couldn’t feel his legs. Damn it, he can see the exposed wires of his crushed legs sparking dangerously in the dark. The rubble and metal debris crushing his lower half. Hanzo looks away swallowing down his growing sense of dread and presses a trembling hand to his open side resting back on to the slab of concrete, careful not to jostle himself too badly.

Hanzo gnashed his teeth together at the searing pain slowly waking up around his body. Each thump of his racing heart traveling around his body like lightning. He couldn’t reach the ruins of his legs to turn off the neurotransmitters, the phantom pains clawing at his psyche. It was like he had lost them all over again.

Breathing was utter agony. His rib cage protested against each shallow phlegmy breath. He felt so light-headed. His dragons come out slowly, their forms sluggish to take shape. It was worrisome how long it took them to manifest their bodies. They appear less opaque, the borders around them wispy and weak. He hadn’t much time left.

“Peace-” He wheezes at them. They ignore him in order to circle him. Their fear clouding his mind. Pinned. Danger. Rest when safe. They nuzzle him, muzzles and little tongues swiping at the drying blood on his face. Help. Help. What do? Their voices rise in unison. “Shh.” Hanzo tries again. He listens to them panic over his broken body. His heart sank as the list grew. Hanzo already knew his legs were bust and his spine worryingly unresponsive. But the growing tightness of his chest and limited visions raised alarms. “Akuma.” Hanzo breathes. He reaches out blindly with his free arm. The larger of his two dragons come closer, bumping his cool translucent nose against his hand. Hanzo strokes his ancient beast calmingly to regain his composure. “Find Genji-” He pauses, feeling light-headed with each word. “ quickly .” Hanzo hates how weak he sounded. He drops his hand then. The red streak left behind a stark contrast to the blue of his scales and large white mane.

The great beast rose, nodding its head once before blurring down the corridor. Hanzo looks to the slimmer dragon, her antlers scratching uselessly at the rubble around his legs. “Ibuki.” She ignores him scratching and pawing harder at a large chunk of concrete to no avail. “Ibuki,” He is softer this time, trying to reach out for her. He cries, pulling something in his side. He falls back as a coughing fit disorients him. Ibuki is there when he comes too wrapped around him gently. Her little blue tongue lapping at the grime on his purpling ribcage.

Hanzo shakes his head, even the slightest touch hurt. She stopped whimpering in distress. I’m scared . Her words are shared between them in the silence. “I know.” He murmurs back. She nuzzles at his limp arm, rubbing and licking at his open palm. Hanzo lets her, too afraid to admit that he couldn’t feel it. “Go.” Hanzo says. Ibuki starts, his hoarse command was absolute. “You are too bright my friend. It will draw attention to my position. Catch up with your brother, or better yet find Ana.” He smiles weakly, steeling his resolve. “I’ll be fine. I promise.” He lies.

It was better this way. At least they could bring the team to his body. Better than letting Talon get to him. He shudders at the thought. They no doubt would use what was left of him as a guinea pig. That scientist of theirs was the stuff of his nightmares. If she knew his thoughts she said nothing, giving him one last bump with her snout before speeding off herself. He shivers at the loss of her warmth.

Hanzo drifts alone for who knows how long; every slow blink felt like hours. He counted his breath to mark the time. Each slow pull of oxygen was like inhaling glass, the dusty air cutting his already tender throat. Yet, he focused on it. Focused on the pain of living, centering himself, feeling the myriad of wounds littering his body. The physical pain was nothing compared to the dread creeping into his head. The dark whispers of the countless bodies of his past coming to claim their due. They mocked him, laughing at the finality of his situation. He didn’t need the memories of the past to tell him the inevitable. This had always been a possibility. He knew that. He knew that it was more likely than not that he would die bleeding out in some grimy hole rather than at home or of old age. He thought he was ready for it when it came. But thinking and knowing were so different.

He regretted that it had to end this way. But, remorse was nothing new to him. It’s acrid taste was always there at the back of his throat.There was no chance of redemption now. A failure even in death. The knowledge that he was going to die down here, broken and alone, knocked what little breath he had left out of him. After all this time, he didn’t want to be alone anymore, not for this. He wanted his brother. To see him and make sure he was ok. He wanted one more chance to rebuild what he had destroyed all those years ago. He wanted to sit and meditate in the gardens with him one more time.

Hanzo choked, swearing he could smell the wild scents of Bastion’s garden. The overgrown honeysuckle bush would be blooming now. It’s pale yellow flowers climbing up the old munition house’s walls. He could almost taste the tomatoes they grew just for him; his favorite heirlooms would be a deep purple by now and ready to pick. Damn, he could taste them in his favorite dish. The salt and balsamic vinegar pungent, overpowering the taste of pennies on his tongue. Mind frantic for anything to keep him conscious latched onto the book still sitting on his nightstand. Mei had just given it to him; she was looking forward to his view on her favorite characters. Their little book circle had grown over the past few months. Lena and Ana join in, first for tea, then the company and book recommendations. How cruel . Hanzo chuckles humorlessly at the weak attempt his body put up to keep him alive. He could enjoy the irony though. Finally, for the first time in his life he had things to look forward to. People in his life wanted him for something more than his birthright. He had his family. He had true friends. He had you-

The hopeless pit in his stomach consumes him. Fresh tears streak down his face, leaving tracks in the dirt and cracking blood coating his face. The viscous liquid begging to matte in his disheveled beard. He couldn’t bear the fact that you were going to be yet another person he would hurt.

Hanzo drifts for who knows how long. Soul floating between realms. Every slow blink felt like hours. The clicking of his dry throat as he struggled for breath was his only reminder that he still lived. The dark void around him felt like a warm blanket. Would you miss him? A selfish part of him hoped so. But the other part of him hopes you will hate him. That you would wipe his face from your memory. Perhaps you would be hurt for a while, but it is for the best. Soft memories of you flint across his eyes. The hours alone in the back of your shop tasing new blend ideas and biscuits that complement them. Your soft fingers intertwined with his in bed. His rough fingers marveling at how smooth yours were. That blinding smile in the morning when you wake to see him still there, afraid he might have left in the night to go back to whence he came. How many times had you insinuated you would like him to live with you. He wished he had said yes. It would have been nice to have a proper home.

A sense of calm rolls over him thinking of you. His rattling breath becomes fainter in his ears as he slips away. At last, Hanzo succumbs with a sigh.

The first breath after death hurt like a bitch. Air barreling itself back into his lung, pushing his bruised and broken ribs to expand. Pushing the splintered bone out of the tender tissue with each staggered breath. His blood flowed sluggishly again ridding themselves of the dead cells and burning all the while. A weak pulse started up in his temple. Hanzo gasps, eyes rolling behind his lids. Who?

The bioemitter’s low light fills the cavernous space. The light bobs along with the steps of its owner. “ My how the mighty fall.” Hanzo’s lips twitch, pulling up instinctively into a sneer. That smarmy tone of superiority. It would put his late uncle to shame. “Come now. Is that any way to greet your savior?” Akande flashes the wounded man a predatory smile.

“You have saved me from nothing.” Hanzo spat still too weak to do much but glower up at the hulking fighter. “Leave.” He would rather die from the acid slowly seeping out of his stomach wound then hear anything the man had to say.

Akande ignores him, coming to crouch close to the archer. He tosses the emitter casual up in the air. “I came to see if you have thought on my offer a little bit more.” His sharp gaze looks over the fallen prince. “I believe we could- help each other.”

Hanzo scoffs, getting a sick sense of satisfaction from the flecks of blood that splatter on Akande’s pristinely smug face. “I would have thought my actions were clear enough. But, I’m glad you’re here.”

“Oh?” His smile falters for a moment before pulling tighter.

Hanzo nods weakly matching the other man's smile. “Your brazen tactics and foolhardiness on top of your lack of concern for your underlings shows me just how pathetic your organization actually is.” The strike was swift and expected. Stars erupt in his vision as his head cracked hard against the concrete behind him. His nose throbbed as it was broken again .

Akande’s grin was gone. His false mask of pleasantry was replaced with open hostility. “I see.” He looks at the healing device dwarfed in his large palm. “Very well,” He crushes it into dust with a flick of his hand. Hanzo hisses as the warm healing light was lost. “Your consent isn’t necessary. It was merely a formataly to ask.” Cold mechanical fingers latch into Hanzo’s matted hair. His cry of pain echoing as he is pulled out of the rubble. The metal of his knees catching on the beam that had pinned him. With a hearty pull, Akande separated the last few wires connecting the archer's prosthetics to his upper thighs. His legs connective sensors and wires sever with a snap. The noise of it lost as Hanzo’s screams jumped in pitch catching in the back of his throat. He grapples unsuccessfully against the hand dragging him. Akande smirks. “Rest assured Dragon. I will make you into perfection . You don’t even have to be breathing for me to do it.” He grabs at the small man’s throat with his free hand. Warm fingers as strong as iron cutting off what little air Hanzo could get.

Akande watches blankly as the archer struggles, blood spots erupting in his wide eyes. Fear cutting through his asinine attempt at bravery. Moira could fix the damage with ease. He cocks his head at the tiny pop of Hanzo’s trachea snapping under the strain. Well, tools don’t need to speak.

Preoccupied as he was with subduing his latest super-assassin Akande did not notice the streaks of blue and green barreling towards them. He was unprepared for the feel of teeth and claw ripping into his back and legs. With a roar of indignation, he threw the broken archer away, trying instead to grapple with the ancestral beasts.

Hanzo lands with a wet thud, sliding to a stop a few yards away. What little healing he had gotten from the emitter completely undone. He watches immobile, coldness seeping into his limbs. He accepts the darkness this time without a fight.

“Still nothing?” Tabby licks at the smear of icing on her thumb from her perch on your countertop. Man, it must be bad. You normally would be down her throat for putting her ass on a cooking surface. She watched you pace, your eyes never leaving the tiny screen of your phone.

“Am I overthinking this?” You ask swiping through your last few texts. Had you said something that offended? Hanzo was normally fine with telling you if something made him uncomfortable, so why would this time be different. Besides, your last couple days of messages had been completely innocent. He was helping you choose which dessert would be featured on your site for the holidays. You had it narrowed down to three before he had stopped responding. “He promised to call last night. He said he was off duty today so he could stay up late.” He sent you his schedule for the upcoming months. He was off, you had planned to stream a movie together to unwind.

Tabatha sighs loudly. “People forget BB.” She hops from the counter and wraps a strong hand around your waste. “It’s normal.” She leads you to your living room trying to console you. It didn’t help at all. People forgot sure. You forgot a lot. But Hanzo doesn’t. The man practically lived through his phone’s planner. It was one of the things you loved about him. He was predictable- reliable. “ Come on -” She takes your phone and tosses it somewhere over her shoulder to be lost in your couch cushions. “Tell ya what. You can call him tomorrow after work. Don’t act like you haven’t been blowing up the poor man’s phone.” Tabby drops down on top of where your phone landed. “Relax with me.” She flicks on Netflix, a new season of your favorite baking show had just dropped. It was the best show to get some new ideas from. Especially with the back to back holidays coming up. You had to stay fresh to keep up with the competitors.

With a sigh of defeat, you sink into your armchair, notebook in hand. He’ll get back to you when he could.

The weeks passed in a dizzying blur. Each day you found your hand inching closer and closer to your phone. Tabatha, bless her, had been keeping you busy. Bills waited for no man and salaries had to be paid. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for you to focus on. It was better than thinking of the dead weight in your pocket. Just be patient. You trust him right? So trust him. She would say each time she caught you staring holes into your phone. You trusted him. So you waited.

“You think he ghosted?” The words were barely over a whisper. A breath from one of your younger workers to another. They meant nothing by it, you knew that. They were both sweet kids, just concerned. You couldn’t deny that your mood and work attitude have been suffering from all this. But it still stung like a slap all the same. Doubly so because you were thinking it too. It was stupid to even think about that. Hanzo was too mature for such a cheap tactic. He always carried himself with such pose and talked so much about honor and duties. Leaving you like this would be beneath him.

Locking up after another day of silence you trudge home for the first time in a long time by yourself. You had had a revolving group of close friends that had taken it upon themselves to keep you company as you sulked. Tonight they had all planned a big blow-out bar hopping event, with you as the “guest of honor”. Sweet- but not what you needed. Besides, you couldn’t rely on them forever damn it. You were a big girl. This wasn’t your first break-up.

But this one hurt the most.

You sigh pocketing your phone as your friends blow up your phone for the third time that night. You just needed a night to yourself. Nothing some junk food and games couldn’t numb you for a bit. With the promise of pizza and your fuzzy blanket you trudge up the stairs to your home. Hmmm-perhaps some tea too, or was it a hot chocolate night?

Junk food and a steaming cup of chocolate in hand you ready yourself for a long night of adventure quests and shitty npc dialogue. Just as you were setting up your desk and booting up your pc you were distracted by the sharp percussion of knuckles on your door. “In a second!” You holler over your shoulder. You figured it was a friend coming to pester you. Expecting Tabby or her girlfriend you swing the door open ready to chastise them. You slam the door immediately, double latching it.

“Oi!”

“I’m calling security!” You shout behind you, running for your phone.

“Ah! Wait-” Not a chance in hell. You lunge for your phone. Of all the cherries on top of an already shitty situation.

“You have two seconds to leave or I’m serious!” Your voice shakes the phone pressed against your ear. The other side of your door is eerily quiet. Did he leave? Peering out to your entry hall you felt something smooth and warm plopped down onto your shoulder.

It was a wonder the entire block didn’t hear your scream. Flinging your phone away, the little green thing whizzed across the small room. It landed tangled around your phone hissing like a wet cat on your carpet. It’s little clawed feet wiggling up in the air in distress. “I told you Mizuki.” You watch dumbfounded as the omnic from months before bent down to pick up the spitting little-Was that a dragon?

“I apologize for her. She gets ahead of herself sometimes.” The omnic pays you little attention. Their slim fingers untangling their little friend from your phone. “Here,” They hand the device back to you. “Nice place you got here! I can see why my brother felt so comfortable here. We-well- he was never allowed to have nic-nacks and stuff.” They walk your place casually looking about. The little glowing snake nuzzles itself under their metal chin.

You watch befuddled as they make themselves at home. Poking and prodding at your decor. The chrome accents of their plating a stark contrast to your old world decorum. “Did he get you those?” You follow the raised finger over to your display case of trinkets. Key chains, shells, postcards, and all sorts of little items that sat innocently on your wall.

“Yeh?” You sputter dumbly. You clamber up your ottoman not taking your eyes off your- Kidnapper? Intruder? Guest? “I-wait brother?” The omnic nods giving you time to catch up with what in the world is happening.

“I admit, this wasn’t how I wanted to introduce myself. But I haven’t seen you at your store.”

“Oh! So you're stalking me now?” Your phone raises in a flash.

“What! No- put that down!” The omnic jumps up and snatches your phone from your ear before you could blink. “Gods, can you hear me out for a second?” You gape at the audacity of their statement. Even this little dragon was glaring at them now. A fluffy green brow raised. “Oh- yea Ok. I’m out of line.” They rub at their neck mulishly. “Let’s start this over. I’m Genji.” Genji. You knew that name. Hanzo had mentioned his troublesome brother once or twice in passing. But never that they were an omnic. Was it common for Japanese families to “adopt” omnics? “

You’re lying.” Hanzo’s “brother” groans flopping back down onto your couch.

“Who would lie about being related to Hanzo? You know him.” They wave their hands up exasperatedly. “You think anyone would willingly be related to that nerd?” Well, that sounded like something a younger sibling would say. “Here,” With a hiss of an unseen clasp they fiddle with their face place. “Genji Shimada in- what remains of my flesh.” Scared lips smile up at you as he patiently lets you look over his face. The similarities were striking.

You squint. “I guess the eyebrows are a family trait.”

“Ha! We both had caterpillar brows out the womb. Keep that in mind if you ever want kids. ” He winks in mirth. Just like that the tension in your body seems to dissipate. For some reason, you believed the very odd man that had just invited himself in. But really, who else besides Tabatha knew Hanzo’s name? Still didn’t explain everything- or anything- really. The questions tumble out of you. A month worth of insecurities and inner thoughts bubble over. Genji sits and listens to you ramble. Show him your text, his promise to watch stupid movies with you.

He doesn’t say anything while you vent your frustration. He only cuts you off when you began to tear up and ask the question you had dreaded all this time. “Did Hanzo send you to break up with me?” The coward, the absolute coward. He was supposed to be better than that.

“Never.” The raw emotion in his voice made you pause. He looked at you warm brown eyes, so familiar to Hanzo’s, pleading with you to listen. Everything about his screamed honesty, and that scared you even more. Genji rose hand raised as if trying to find a way to comfort you. “I-Hanzo did not ask me to come. I’m sure if it were up to him we would have never met.” He pulls away going to look out onto the dark city streets.

“Why?” You hadn’t really brought up meeting the relatives. Hanzo had met your closest friends and family in passing when they would drop by the shop for an afternoon pick me up. You wanted to meet his side but had always been too cowardly to ask. From what little you gathered from him his parents had passed and his brother was- complicated. Guess that wasn’t a lie.

Genji shrugs. “He has always been self-deprecating to the point of cruel. Perhaps he thought he was undeserving of being in a relationship. Or perhaps being happy around me. I’m sure that is at the top of his list. But, after…” He pauses. His throat clicks dryly, moisture beginning to brim under thick lashes. He puts his faceplate back on. “After this month- It was probably to protect you.” He can’t look at you and say what he needs to. All those days spent in the ICU ward of the base watching his brother slip, only to be brought back by the sheer power of his dragons or Angies pig-headedness. He was tired. He was tired and at a loss.

It wasn’t until last night did he think of you. A sudden jolt of a memory right when he was trying to get some rest after being dragged from Hanzo’s bedside again. You didn’t know what happened, or anything for that matter. Genji knew his brother well enough that he wouldn’t want loose ends like that. Not that he was dying. He was too stubborn to go like this, damn old goat.

Genji berated himself mentally for the mere thought of his brother just-just dying on him.

But it was those thoughts that lead him here. He didn’t know how deep in the relationship you were with Hanzo. But after that afternoon of him gushing over every little thing about you. He was at least confident that you meant the word to his brother. “Seriously?” Genji jumps, pulled back to the moment by you scoff. “Are you-what kind of sick joke.” You can’t even finish the sentence. This was like a plot out of a damn movie. A really bad movie. “Listen Genji,” You shoot him a scathing glare. “If Hanzo doesn’t have the balls to tell me himself it’s over fine. But don’t you dare insult my intelligence by-”

“Have you heard of Overwatch?” He cuts you off mid tirade.

“Of course I have- who-what does that have to do with anything?” You feel yourself getting heated. Maybe you should call security. Genji nods fishing for his com device. Pulling up some candid and posed photos of him and his brother up for you to see. He tosses the device to you. You catch it on reflex, flipping it around to look. Gingerly you begin scrolling through the sea of smiling faces, picking up on Hanzo immediately in each shot.

Seeing him like this made you smile in turn. One picture in particular making your heart clench. His arm was thrown around Genji, bridge piercings catching in the morning light. He was laughing at something someone must have said. His head thrown back, shoulders frozen in time near his ears. Genji was laughing too, his mask off, face scrunching cutely as he snickers.

The next picture must have been out of sequence. Hanzo looked older. Despite the date on the picture being before the other one. His hair wasn’t cut and his piercings were missing. He looked tired. Deep purple bags under his eyes, a frown you only saw when he was deep in concentration harassing his beautiful features. Both arms were crossed over his broad chest in agitations as the picture was taken. He was dressed differently too. Expensive looking robes hugged his muscular form. Another was of him stretched out on a ratty couch. A young man with dreads sleeping on his shoulder. By his feet on the floor was a young woman with glasses. She was distracted but a weird floating robot vying for her attention from the multitude of tablets littered about her. Hanzo looked relaxed. His reading glass perched on his crooked nose and a paperback resting on his crossed leg. You gut twisted. You never knew this side of him. He never talked about his friends, or co-workers in depth. Were you not worth it? To be included in this part of his life?

“My brother and I, we are members of the newly reformed Overwatch. He was out on base when attacked. It was-” He pauses catching himself on the memory of his brother's crumpled form. Had that been what it felt like when Hanzo watched the light leave his eyes on that cursed night? The wet gurgle of blood filling punctured lungs. His listless eyes swollen from damage, losing the few threads of life they still held. What was worse was his dragons, the hollow of pain and shock before they exploded in a flash blue and yellow scales. Their light snuffed out with their master. Having to take his brother's remains to the status units so Angie could have some still whole cells and tissue to work with when she arrived had almost killed him too. Others had offered, but it was his duty. He needed to do this. “An enemy tried to take him captive. It didn’t end well for either party.”

Akande- the coward had fled with what remained of his crew after watching the great dragon fall. His plan backfired as more reinforcements arrived then he had anticipated. Sombra blinking them out faster than Mei could freeze them. Genji had wanted to go after him. Get him while he was down. Attack with the same savagery. But now wasn’t the time. Zenyatta convinced him to stay with only a few words and a soft touch. In that time of self-reflection by his brother’s bed, he knew fighting wouldn’t help. He needed his brother back for that. He needed you for that.

“But,” He watches struggle. His words stunning you out of your anger. He could see his truths turning in your eyes. The sudden jerks and twitches of your gaze flitting about him then to the side. Looking into your memories, bring forth any civilian knowledge you had of the defunct organization. “The Petras Act.” You whispered covering your face. It made sense. In a weird way. Hanzo’s shifty nature when bringing up his work. The sudden departures in the middle of the night. Oh, Gods. Every trinket he ever got you. The news reported strange activities in those regions. It couldn’t be.

Genji scoffs, plopping down on the floor by your feet. “The Petras Act is bullshit. I-nor my brother could sit around and watch as Talon took over.” He stretches the truth a little. If you thought Hanzo was doing it for a higher purpose it couldn’t hurt. “I’m sure he would have told you in time. He just wants you safe.” Of that he was confident. Keeping you at arm's reach from his work was a logical thing to do. A very Hanzo thing to do. He never thought of the emotional aspects of things until it was too late.

You shake your head. Eyes peeking out from between your fingers. All this was coming so fast. “Wait. You said he was attacked? Is-is he ok?” Genji shifts under your gaze trying to find the right words.

“He is… finally stable. Mercy, our medic, put him into an induced coma.” You gasp. It felt like a sucker punch to the chest. The shock of it brings tears to your eyes. “That's why I came here.” Genji scoots closer seeing this as an opportunity to grasp at your hand. He squeezes it comfortingly. “She is going to wake him up soon, and I think you should be there.”

“Why?”

“As emotionally constipated as my brother is, I know he would want to see you when he wakes up.” Genji pulls away, raising to his full height. “I want you to know, you aren’t a dirty secret to Hanzo. When I found out about you, when he finally opened up about you. I’ve never seen him so happy.”

“I realize that. But I just- do I really even know him?” You look up at him pleadingly. This was all happening so fast. A one-two punch of revelations that you could have never anticipated.

“If you come with, you can ask him yourself.” Genji’s offer floats in the dead air of your living room. A thousand and one questions rushing through you. Was he really what he said? The photos, no way they were fake. Right? What would a man like Hanzo, an actual vigilante, want with a regular business owner. Were you a cover? No, not the way this stranger in your house explained it.

Damn him. There was only one way to get to the bottom of this. “Can I text my friend where I’m going?” It was a stupid question, but if you were going to end up in a ditch at least you’d make an attempt. You can feel the man’s exasperated expression through the metal covering his face. “Right. That whole ‘underground thing’.”

“You can’t for obvious reasons but, I understand the sentiment. We are heading to Illios, I cannot divulge where but would that be enough for you?” No. But it would have to do. Grabbing your phone you text Tabatha and her girlfriend telling them you made the brash decision to take a vacation to Greece like you had been wishing to do for ages. Seconds after you hit send your phone started ringing. You glance at the man.

“Oh for heaven’s sake,” He sighs. “I’m not kidnapping you. If you don’t want to go I’ll leave.” Genji makes his way to the door, intentionally dragging his feet with each step.

“No! Wait!” You round on him and press your phone to your ear. “Hey Tab.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No- just realizing that you were right. I booked the flight already anyway. Before my nerves could get the best of me.” You lie.

“Ah huh- what hotel you staying at?” Shit. Genji flashes his phone at you showing you a hotel and room already booked and paid for. You recite the address and room number. “Ok. Call me as soon as you step into that room.” She orders. “Make sure to take some pics. Maybe find a cute date? Get your mind off things for me please?”

“Ok.” You said. “Talk to you soon.”

“You can stay at that hotel you know,” Genji said once you were off the phone. “If you feel uncomfortable at all you can leave. I’ll pay for everything.”

“I’ll take that offer until I know this isn’t some elaborate con.” You sigh pocketing your phone and wallet. “If he really is in hospital then let’s leave now. I can buy stuff when I get there.”

“Thank you,” Genji smiles holding the door open for you. With one last look around you push your fear down and follow your surprise guest out the door.

#Overwatch #hanzo shimada x reader #long form fic #overwatch fanfic

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