#An evil British metal ball

[mikoworks]

Put your 4 favorite characters from 4 pieces of media as options and let your Tumblr pals decide which one most suits your vibe then tag 4 people

Oh shoot only 4? That's so hard... Hmm... Okay, I think I've got it. Thank you for tagging me, @omagpies! I'm also making my own post instead of chaining them together via reblog to keep things short.

Tagging more than 4 people hehe: @firebendy @apluckedturkey @abraca-mari @meli-luminati @snakechu @volticglitch @weirdagnes @fox-guardian @linkcharacter @strawberryblondie-locks @ohboiidunno @rongrii @anyamusumesonlywife @lunex-the-cat Anyone else who wishes to do this may join (I may have forgotten some folks and apologize in advance)!💙

[theratshaveinvaded]

Stuff that is cool and you should look into

AUTODALE!!!?! PORTAL 1 & 2 Borderlands(Specifically Claptrap) Why is this? What are these? Why should I care?

Autodale: Do you like robots? Do you like funky monsters? Do you like weird dystopian-Utopian worlds? Look into it! Personally I think it is REALLY COOL AND YOU SHOULD ATLEAST ADMIRE IT. It's not a finished series and it probably won't be expanded on in the future but whats there currently is very cool. (It's on youtube) Portal 1 & 2: Do you like robots? Do you like EVIL robots? Does being insulted by said evil robots inrigue you? You should look into it! Portal 1 & 2 not only have evil robots, It also has a really dumb metal ball(He's british), a big robo-lady(She like killing people), and J.K Simmons(a.k.a the guy who played Stanford in Gravity Falls). The portal series doesn't only have a great plot, and fun characters, BUT IT'S ALSO REALLY FUNNY AND COOL AND YOU SHOULD LOOK INTO IT! (It's on steam)

Borderlands: Clap-trap <33 Ok but onto the game, it's a first person shooter where you get to go kill bad guys, bandits, all that fun stuff. Characters are fun(Clap-Trap), The artstyle is COOL, but the most important reason you should play this game is because I THINK ITS COOL. Therefore you should look into it :) (Also on steam)

[rainbowdoggieunicorn]

Serial Designation S (Starling Clady) Character bio

GENERAL INFO

Name: Serial Designation S (Starling Clady) Character for: Murder Drones Voice actress/actor: Andrea Libman (Human, Worker and Disassembly Drone) Ashleigh Ball (Demon Mode) Age: 18 (Human and Worker Drone) 26(Currently Disassembly Drone) Species: Human: Afro-Irish British-American(Formally), Worker Drone (Formally) Disassembly Drone (currently) Gender: AFAB Genderfluid, Transmasc,Unlabeled and Genderfae Pronouns: She/He/They/It/Paw/Cotton/Candy/Teddy/Ursa/Fae. Sexuality: Bisexual, Polyamorous and Cupidromantic Zodiac sign: Aries Nickname(s):Rainbow, Ra1nB0w, Ra1nB0w_CVlt(ID), Ra1nB0w_C4lt(Username), S, Rainbow Goth Girl, R41n80w-F1uid, Ra1nb0w-F1uid, Rainbow Devil, Scene Goth, Chroma(Fake name), Rainbow Demon, Pink Demon, Bear Girl, 8ear_G1rl, C0tt0n_C4ndy, Teddy, PuppyGirl, Shapeshifter and Human Drone DOB: March 28th XXXX Alignment (good, evil, neutral): Chaotic Good Occupation (if needed): Worked with JCJenson(Formally) Unemployed but Make Plushies as Side-Hustle(Currently) Theme Song: Rainbow Girl-S3rl ft. Tamika

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Build: Plus Size(Formally) Skinny and Robotic(Worker Drone and Disassembly Drone) Skin Color: Mild Caramel Skin Tone(Formally) White Chrome(Currently) Hair/Fur Color: Black (Formally), Half Black and Half Rainbow Eye Color: Brown(Formally), Neon White(Currently) Lust(Demon) Hair Style: Possibly a Like a Wolf-cut with a Widow's Peak Wears: Almost like a mix of Rainbow Goth and Scene Kid. (Devil Horns One Rainbow and One Monochrome, Sky Blue Shirt with A Bipolar symbol on it, Gloves(Monochrome and Rainbow) Primary color Shorts, and Fluffy legwarmers (Monochrome and Rainbow) Psychological Disabilities: PTSD and Bipolar Disorder II Neurological Disabilities: Autism Extra (Y/N): has a Collar, a Demon Wings Tattoo that is Pink on her back, some faded scars, and a Devil Tail Disassembly Drone Tail.

WHAT DO THEY LIKE?

Personality: Energetic, Happy, Quirky, Creativity, Bubbly, Native, Lovely-Dovey, Bookworm, Carefree, Childish, Playful, Short-Temper, Fashion Freak, Murderous, Troublesome, Energetic, Bubbly, Smart, Happy-go-Lucky, Warm-hearted, Sense of justice, Diligence(sort of), Stubbornness, Hyperactive and Outgoing. Favorite food: Chicken Tenders and Batteries Likes: Being a Scene, Neon Colors, Being Quirky, Acting like a fool, laughing, Pastel Colors, Bunnies, Puppies, being creative, Drawing, Coloring,2010's Stuff, Rainbow, Scene Fashion, The Color Pink, Plushies, Reading, Drawing, Making Plushies, Cartoons, Anime, Furries, Cute and Dark Things, Toys, Dolls, Candy, Cakes, Ice Cream, Fruits, Books, Helping others, The Circus, Cosplay, Comic Books, Horror Movies, Movies, Making Some Friends, Napping, Heavy Metal, Pop Music, Kawaii Metal And Napping. Dislikes: Killing Worker Drone, Bad Memories, Mean People, Bullies, Jerks, Her Bullies, Getting in Trouble, Her Past, When someone Makes fun of her, Going to school, Forgetting Things, Rotten Food, Being woken up, When told what she can and can't do, Loud Perfume(Allergies) and kids being rude. Fears: The Dark, Spiders, Death, Heights, Very Big Flags, and Throwing Up. Backstory: When She was a Human she had a Abusive life as a kid. She worked at JCJenson at 16 for College stuff but JCJenson had plans for her… They decided to give her a Therapist who gave them personal information about JCJenson because she was pretty much a Suicidal person. So on her 18th Birthday, they agreed to Convert Her into a Worker Drone for Project Human Drone. She loved being a Worker Drone until the Absolute Solver Converted many Workers into Disassembly Drones. She was many. She also landed on Copper 9 with barely any memories of her former life. But Love J and Uzi Doorman.

Power(s): Shapeshifting, Voice mimicry, Flight and Telepathy.

PERSONAL QUOTES

Quote 1: "HAI!'

Quote 2: "Eat Me!"

Quote 3: "Fuck off!"

Quote 4: "Shut up!"

Quote 5: "Rawr XD!"

RELATIONS WITH OTHER CHARACTERS

Family members/relatives: Unnamed Mom and Dad(Deceased), Zither(Youngest Sister)(Deceased),Transience(Grandma(Mom's Side)(Deceased) and others Deceased Family members Friends: N, V, Thad, Lizzy, Khan, Teacher and others Enemies: None at the moment Crush: Uzi Doorman and J Who has a crush on them?: Thad

[kleptonancydrew]

Nancy Drew and Education

So apparently the Clue Crew is full of teachers? Who knew. Well, as a former homeschooled student, current teacher, and (hopefully) future homeschooling parent/teacher I have been planning on integrating the games into lessons for a long time. Below the cut I have just a few of my many ideas (some more fleshed out than others). Feel free to use, adapt, or add your own! 

SCK:

-        Braille

o   How blind/vision impaired people navigate the world

§  How we can make it more accessible for them

o   How do braille books and printers work

-        ASL

o   Memorizing the alphabet and basic signs

§  Build up fluency

o   How HOH/deaf people navigate the world

§  How we can make it more accessible for them  

o   Connections of ASL to other signed languages

§  French Sign Language versus British Sign Language

-        Dangers of gas leaks

o   What to do if you smell or hear gas

-        Inequalities between mens and womens sporting opportunities

o   See Women’s Soccer

-        What are performance enhancing drugs

o   What is the difference between #steroids and the steroids your doctor might prescribe

-        How drug running is a gateway crime

-        Why blackmailing people isn’t good

-        More reasons to never move to Florida

-        Why you shouldn’t go to an actual high school part one

 STFD:

-        Television in NYC

o   Soap Operas

o   How television sets work

o   Role of director

o   Teleprompters

o   Props

o   Agents

-        Theatre in NY

o   Broadway

§  Learn a show

o   Carnegie Hall

-        Dangers in the ways we obsess over celebrities

o   Paparazzi

o   Stalkers

o   Respecting privacy

-        NY taxi system

-        NY regional accents

-        NY as a center for immigration – salad bowl

o   Ellis Island

-        History of NYC

o   Geography of NYC

-        Typewriters

-        Towers of Hanoi

-        Encoding  

-        How to make chocolates (with or without poison)

-        Read along:

o   New York the Novel (Edward Rutherford)

o   The Power Broker

o   All of a Kind Family

 MHM:

-        San Francisco Gold Rush

-        Earthquake and Fires in San Fran

-        Golden Gate Bridge

-        Angel Island

o   Asian (Chinese) Immigration to the USA

-        Chinese Zodiac

-        Fortune telling (and why it’s not okay)

-        Bed and Breakfasts

-        San Francisco today

o   Technology boom

o   Overpriced everything

§  How this hurts established residents

§  Homelessness in San Fran

-        Bandits in the American West

-        Hauntings in American buildings

-        How to remove and install tile

-        Renovations – refurbish something

-        Antiques

o   Visit an antique shop

-        Importance of fire safety

-        How to install lighting fixtures properly

-        How to fix a dumbwaiter

o   How not to be a dumb waiter

-        Tangrams

-        What is the Victorian period

o   Significance of Queen Victoria

-        Read Along:

o   Little Brother

o   Paper Son: Lee’s Journey to America

o   Angel Island Gateway to Golden Mountain

 TRT:

-        The French Revolution

o   Marie Antoinette

o   Women and the French Revolution

o   Worldwide effects of the Revolution

o   Historians of the French Revolution

-        Writing history

o   How we can focus on different events in history, how we can be sympathetic to certain people, how we can fulfill different spaces in the historical narrative, criticism of history as a field, entering history as a field

-        Wisconsin Dairy industry

-        Alarm systems and how they work

-        Fingerprinting

-        Elevator safety

-        Ski lifts

o   Skiing

-        Vandalism

-        Taking care of libraries

-        Latitude and longitude

-        Keeping records of good events and bad events

o   Nothing you do will ever stop me from loving you

-        Some people keep different sleep schedules

-        Journalism

-        Making translations  

-        Why France has different holidays – to keep the ski lodges from getting too full

 FIN:

-        History of theatre spaces

-        Use of film at theatres

-        Magicians

o   Houdini

o   Learn a ‘magic’ trick

-        Library of Congress

-        Demolition – wrecking balls

o   What’s involved

-        Plaster casts

-        Historic register of buildings

o   Visit a local historic building

-        Price of concessions and movie tickets today

-        Nickelodeons

-        Celebrity stunts for attention from press

o   Celebrity endorsements

-        Jazz music

o   Dancing

-        Kidnapping stories

o   What to do if someone tries to grab you

-        Rubber vs. electricity

-        Art/artists of the 20s

 SSH:

-        Numbering systems (particularly ones not based on 10)

-        Cultures of South America

o   Maya

§  Cultural understandings

§  Connections to what appears at Beech Hill

o   Aztec

o   Inca

-        Myths of lesser civilizations because of European preconceptions

-        Why do countries have consulates/embassies in other countries

-        What is amnesia and other medical memory issues

-        Provenance and why its important part one

-        Roles and responsibilities within a museum

o   Visit a museum

o   How to be critical of a museum and how knowledge is presented to you

-        Modern art

o   Make your own

o   Visit a modern art museum

-        Periodic Table of Elements

-        Positive and negative molds for casting

 DOG:

-        Prohibition

o   Speakeasys

o   Amendments to constitution

o   Drinking age restrictions

§  Comparison of USA to European countries  

o   Connections to modern drug policies

-        Recognizing and photographing local birds

-        Dangers in the forest – ticks and other pests

-        Why water sources are important

o   Flint water crisis

-        Visit a state park

o   Importance of maintaining public land

-        Alcatraz

-        How to care for dogs

-        Noise pollution

o   Light pollution

 CAR:

-        History of carousels

o   Visit a carousel

-        Lathes

-        Harmonicas

-        Band organs

-        Writing messages with lemon juice and other hidden inks

-        How to iron

o   How not to iron

-        How to make a sundae

-        How amusement park rides are designed

-        Soldering

-        What is parole

o   Welcoming those who have been in prison back to society

o   Problems with the American prison system

§  How it disproportionately affects minority groups

o   What can be done in prison reform

o   Abuses in prison

o   Making mental and spiritual help and guidance more available

o   Making sanitary products available

o   Prison for profit hurts everybody except the prison owner

o   Educational opportunities for those in prison

o   More half-way help

o   Juvenile sentencing reform – more out of system help

o   Respecting humanity of prisoners

o   Ending the death penalty  

-        Depression

o   How to get help

o   How to help others

o   Dealing with loss

DDI:

-        Native peoples of the Pacific Northwest

-        Orcas and other whales

o   Whaling industry in Northwest and Northeast

o   Things whale products were used for

o   Visit natural history museum with whale exhibition

-        Visit an aquarium with a good reputation

o   Problems with places that do not take care of their sea life – particularly large sea life like whales

-        What is a chowder and how is it made

o   Try or make chowder

-        Crabs

o   Restrictions on different types of crabs – what type is local

o   Try a crab dish

-        Importance of different knots  

o   Get some rope and learn how to tie different knots

-        Know the NATO alphabet and letter flags

-        Boating knowledge

o   Go on a boating trip – know the port and starboard sides

-        Learn how to kayak

-        Try to learn how to skip rocks

-        Visit a lighthouse

o   Importance and histories of lighthouses

-        Smuggling – what is it and why does it happen

-        Shanghaiing

-        Chess

 SHA:

-        The continuous oppression and mistreatment of Native Americans

o   From Mayflower to Pocahontas to Trail of Tears to Dakota to DAPL to Reservations to food deserts to voting rights to much much more

§  How to support current Native voices and concerns

o   Why Native Americans are not a costume

o   “Possession” of Native American objects and land

§  Arrowheads and native jewelry

o   Broad overview of regional Native American groups – using their own voices

§  Special focus on local Native American groups

·       Is there a local museum/educational resource that is either Native created or known for respecting Native voices

o   Current Native Americans of note (ex: politicians, activists, artists)

o   While the previous focuses on Native Americans in the modern day USA – also discuss First Nations from Canada and Native Groups from more southern areas

-        Why temperature and pan matters when baking (show what happens in the oven when it goes wrong)

-        Magnets and how different metals react differently to magnets

-        How to take care of a horse and other farm animals

o   Visit a local farm

o   Try horse-riding

-        Dangers of rattle snakes and scorpions

-        Lassos and how to use them

-        Legends of outlaws in the American West

-        Ghost towns  

-        Flower stitches when knitting/crocheting

-        Petrified wood

-        How to make a campfire

-        Picking fruits and veggies when they are ready

-        Flower language

-        Read Along:

o   Native American folk tales  

o   Motorcycles and Sweetgrass

o   Gone Away Lake

o   Black Beauty?

 CUR:

-        Where are the moors

-        Different regional accents within the United Kingdom

-        British foods

-        Latin

o   Learn fun phrases and prayers

-        Ancestry and genealogy

o   Map your own family tree and recognize family crests

o   How adoption has historically been a binding and irrefutable concept for lineage

o   Find places your family lived

o   Leaving a history for your descendants

§  Write a story book for them

o   British Royal Family

§  Why incest is bad

-        Parrots and their intelligence

-        Secret passages in old buildings

-        Alchemy

o   Connections to modern understandings of science  

o   Historical understandings of elements

-        Astrological signs

-        Witch trials

-        Legends of lycanthropy and other monsters

-        Importance of not taking other peoples medicines

-        Runic alphabet

-        Feeding your pets a healthy diet

-        Typing practice

-        How to embrace the idea that home taught students are evil geniuses

-        Forges and melting points of different metals

-        Carnivorous plants

-        Succulents

-        Constellations in different places  

-        Read Along:

o   The Secret Garden

o   The London Eye Mystery

o   Beastly

CLK:

-        Great Depression

o   Causes and effects

o   Who was hurt

o   Who was not hurt

o   Areas of America

§  Dust bowl

o   Famous people and literature

o   Homelessness and poverty

§  Bread lines

§  Soup kitchens

§  Anti-homelessness architecture

§  Connections to mental illness and veterans

§  How we can help those who do not have homes today

-        Early Telephones

-        Shakespeare

-        History of Nancy Drew

o   Mildred Wirt Benson

o   Edward Stratemeyer  

-        Fishing – why different fish respond to different bait

-        Orphanages in the early 20th century

-        Gas prices and accessibility of cars through time

-        How to make pie

-        What is jurisdiction and what is significant about crossing state lines

-        How do banks work

o   Safety deposit boxes

-        Identify theft

-        How to use a sewing machine

o   Sew an item of clothing

-        Mini golf – why and what

-        Mirrors and their usefulness

-        Stamp collections

-         

-        Radios and call signs

o   Comparison to modern internet forms

-        Telegrams

-        Read along:

o   Shakespeare

§  Midsummer Night’s Dream

§  Others

o   Pollyanna

o   Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm

o   The Grapes of Wrath

  TRN:

-        Trains

o   Steam trains

o   Visit a train museum

o   Take a train ride (if not a normal event)

o   Importance of transcontinental railway

o   Trains around the USA today

o   Trains around the world (TGV, bullet train)

-        Abraham Lincoln

-        Mark Twain

-        How to make a good burger (you leave off the PB&J)

-        Slugs

-        Periodic Table of Elements – abbreviations

-        Gemstones

-        History of Mining

o   England (Newcastle upon Tyne)

o   American West

o   Appalachia

o   Company Store

o   Health issues for miners

o   Danger of mines

o   Current issues for mining

-        Dancing the Hurley Burley

-        People who collect creepy dolls

o   History of porcelain dolls

-        Embroidery

o   How to

o   Patterns/symbols

-        General Stores in the American West

o   Sears

-        How to make taffy

-        Find a well maintained and beautiful tomb and research who is entombed

-        Focusing light through a magnifying glass can start a fire

-        Read Along:

o   Murder on the Orient Express

o   Mark Twain books

DAN:

-        All lessons in French

-        How using different ingredients and different amounts of ingredients can affect the outcome of your cookies

-        Paris métro

o   History

o   How to read/follow a métro map

o   RER

-        Montmartre and other Parisian neighbourhoods

-        History of Île de la France and Square de Vert Galant Parc and Pont Neuf

-        WWII and the French Resistance

o   Cross of Lorraine

o   Vichy France

o   Abuses of the French gov’t in this period

-        Paris and the fashion world

-        Beauty standards and the rejection of natural beauty by society

o   Dangers of weight and figure standards

o   You are beautiful as you are

-        Catacombs of Paris

-        Famous French Dishes (from this region)

o   Or Bretagne since I know and like them better

-        The French Café

-        Moulin in France

-        Tea and how hot leaf water can taste so bad but still be good for you

-        Buildings of Baron Haussmann

-        Paris History  

-        Decoders

-        Importance of vitraux historically, culturally, and religiously

-        Read Along:

o   Little Kids

§  Madeline

§  Babar

§  Petit Ours

§  Plume

o   High School

§  Hunchback of Notre Dame

§  Les Mis

§  Dale Van Kley

 CRE:

-        History of Hawai’i and her native people

o   How the USA screwed them over and continues to do so

§  Land colonizing today

o   Listen to voices from Native Peoples

-        Pearl Harbor

o   USS Arizona

-        Native myths and legends

-        Local flora and fauna

-        Surfing

-        How to make bead necklaces

-        Snorkeling

-        Entomology

o   Find some local bugs and identify and observe them

-        Horticulture

o   See if you can graft something

o   Watch a carnation placed in water with food dye

o   Regrow a fruit or veggie from the leftovers

-        Go looking for seashells – see how many complete shells you can find

-        Be aware of pesticides and the dangers they offer

o   Dangers of organic food too

-        Make something with pineapple in it

-        Fishing – different kinds of native fish

-        Volcanos

-        Hula  

  ICE:

-        Wolf sanctuaries – respecting wildlife and their place in the wild and not the domestic

o   What to do if you see a wolf in the real world

-        Fur trapping in Canada history

-        Regions and Capitols of Canada

o   Visit Canada?

-        How the Canadian government works

-        Use of French language in Canada    

o   Unique features of Canadian French  

-        Ice fishing

-        How to cook omelets, salmon, etc.

o   How to not add paprika cause like ew

-        Fossils

-        Radiation

o   Marie Curie

-        How to be a good maid

-        Snowballs/ice balls

-        Ice skating

-        Winter weather safety

-        Avalanches  

-        Saunas

-        Birthmarks

-        Fax machines

-        How to not lie about bird watching

-        Frozen water safety  

-        Modern offenses against First Nations by Canadian Government

  CRY:

-        Culture of the Arawak and Caraïbe

o   Voodoo

-        Mardi Gras in New Orleans

-        Hurricane Katrina and aftermath

-        French Influence

-        Eyes and their parts and functions

-        Teeth and their parts and functions

-        Alligators in the Southern USA and how they are dangerous pests  

-        Graveyards/cemeteries and how to be comfortable in them

o   Modern burial practices

o   Why are they above ground in Louisiana?

o   Places where they are running out of space for the dead

o   Historic violations of final resting places

-        Ventriloquism

-        Lizards and how to care for them

-        Rube Goldberg machines

-        Curio shops

-        Crystal Skulls  

 VEN:

-        International crime

-        Organized crime

-        Scopa

-        Italian basics

o   Learn an Italian aria

-        Italian food

o   Not just spaghetti

-        History of Venice

o   Current issues in Venice

-        Carrier pigeons

-        Micro-dots

-        “Observing the architecture”

-        Try to make gelato (or just get gelato, either way you get gelato)

-        Disguising yourself – put on an outfit and try to get me to not recognize you

-        Picking locks

-        Secret codes

-        Solfege

o   With hand signs

o   Learn a song in solfege

-        Carnivale

-        Learn how the sausage gets made

o   How to deal with food poisoning

-        How to secure your living space against burglars

o   Glass breaks, motion sensors, keypads, magnets, and more

-        Read Along:

o   Heist Society

o   The Prince

o   Merchant of Venice

  HAU:

-        Irish lessons (as much of this in Irish as possible)

o   Why the Irish language is important

-        Geography of Ireland

o   Provinces and counties

-        Irish names

-        Why Ireland has disliked and should dislike the UK

o   Historically

o   Famine

§  Emmigration

o   Easter Rising

o   Troubles

o   Present-Day

-        Importance of alcohol in Ireland

o   Uisce beatha

o   Guinness

§  Guinness world records

-        Irish music

o   Irish instruments

o   Learn some Rebel songs

-        Ogham runes

-        Irish foods

o   Something with lamb, who cares what

-        Don’t use friends for land development

-        Bogs

-        Chemical Reactions

-        Rockets

-        Inventions and secrecy during WWII

-        Religion in Ireland

o   Pagan traditions

o   Christianity

o   Catholic/Protestant tensions

-        Irish wedding traditions

-        How printing presses work

-        Irish castles

-        Sheep sheering/raising sheep

-        Irish legends

o   Fae

o   Leprechauns

-        Don’t drive and talk on the phone

 RAN:

-        Why blackface is problematic? (the fact that this needs to be said is problematic in and of itself)

-        Scuba diving

-        Sailing

-        Bermuda Triangle

-        Bats

-        Primates and their intelligence

o   Problems with animal research

o   Koko

o   Jane Goodall

-        Island resort culture

-        Metal detectors

-        Pirates

o   And the Caribbean

o   Their abuses

o   Different kinds

o   Modern day pirates  

-        How do walkie-talkies work

-        US mistreatment of island territories

-        Read Along:

o   Bloody Jack (Meyer)

 WAC:

-        Edgar Allan Poe

o   Stories

o   Baltimore

-        Piano

-        Victorian Dining traditions

o   How to set a place for fancy dining

o   How to fold napkins

o   Table manners

o   How to serve someone at a fancy dinner

o   How courses might work

o   How to use your silverware  

-        Why you shouldn’t go to an actual high school part two

o   Just fyi – that’s not how uniforms work

§  Have a school inspired dress code for a week

-        Bullying and why you absolutely will not be a bully

o   How to respond to bullying

o   Importance of talking to adults and counseling

-        Logic puzzles

-        Research the founding of a local school

-        Stringed Instruments

-        Plagiarism

o   Turnitin

-        Making sandwiches – like a good deli style sandwich

-        Photography scavenger hunt – make a digital (or physical) yearbook

-        Squirrels

-        Orthographic projection

-        DNA/RNA

-        Saving every major project on three different thumb drives

-        Getting along with roommates

-        States and Capitals

o   Countries and capitals of the world  

 TOT:

-        Tornados

o   Technology used to observe tornados

-        Meteorology

-        Prairie dogs

-        Life on the great plains

-        Great Plains Native Americans

-        Small towns in the Midwest honestly be like that

-        Defensive driving

-        Make a disaster kit

-        Know what to do in various natural emergency situations

o   What is the local alert protocol

o   What do local authorities recommend

-        How to maintain and fix a car

-        How to fix a broken device

-        What is tenure

-        How to budget

o   Go to the grocery store on a strict budget (however much you come in under budget is your candy budget)

-        Read Along:

o   Little House

  SAW:

-        Basic Japanese phrases

o   Learn to count

o   Writing in Japanese

-        Sudoku, nonograms, renograms

-        Japanese ghost legends

-        Japanese culture

o   Tourism

§  Ryokans

o   Space – everything small

o   Politeness/formalities

o   Hot springs/baths

o   Tatami and paper walls

-        Japanese cultural dress

o   Kimonos

o   Lolita? Fashion

-        Japanese names

o   Last name first

o   How to address others in Japan

-        Martial Arts

o   Ninjutsu

§  Traditional tools

-        Japanese tea ceremony

-        Schools in Japan

-        Teaching English as a foreign language

-        Japanese subway/train system

-        Pachinko and Japanese gaming

-        Japanese vending machines

-        Robotic animals

-        Bento

-        Japanese foods

-        Origami

-        How to fake a haunting

 CAP:

-        Basic German phrases

o   How to make a German word

o   Connections of German to English

-        German food favourites

o   Especially cakes

-        Storytelling as a cultural entity

o   How memory has worked differently in different times

-        Glass blowing

-        How castles provided for the local community

-        Bavaria in Germany

o   Cultural dress

-        Glockenspiel

-        How to make board games

-        Monster stories of central Europe

-        How to monitor security camera remotely

-        Read Along:

o   Heidi

ASH:

-        Arson

o   Watching how different accelerants burn a piece of paper

-        All politicians are at least somewhat self-serving

o   But write a letter to a local politician anyway

§  Different ways to contact elected officials, and why some don’t work

-        How to make ice cream

-        How a police investigation works

o   Problems with police departments around the world – specifically USA

o   Ways that police work unfairly targets minorities

§  If Nancy is innocent how many others are

-        How to use matches and lighters safely

-        Why you should not return to the scene of a crime – particularly a fire

-        Making sure smoke detectors work properly and the system is connected

o   We might not go to school but fire drills are still important

-        What is a mass spectrometer

-        Who to call if you’ve been arrested

-        What to do if you get pulled over

-        How the media can skew the truth and make their own narratives

-        Sound mixing

-        Be careful with what you say/post/record

o   Keep receipts and clarify when possible

 TMB:

-        What not to do at an archaeological site

-        Ancient Egyptian History

o   Pantheon, notable figures, relevant events

o   Pyramids, sphinx

o   Pharaohs

-        Modern Egypt

o   Arabic alphabet

-        History of archaeological digs in Egypt

o   Why they’ve been problematic

-        Dangers of the tombs

-        Mummys

o   How they are put together

-        Tomb raiders

-        Importance of water in the desert

-        How to piece together a broken artifact

-        How to gently brush off an artifact

-        There is no such thing as a dictionary for ancient Egyptian

-        Aliens did not build the pyramids

-        Senet

-        Desert life safety

-        How mirrors can be used to light a room

-        Read Along

o   Rick Riordan

 DED:

-        Nikola Tesla

o   All his fun stuff

o   Tesla Coils

-        3-D printing

-        Gummy fingerprints

-        Faraday Cage

-        Basic electric concepts

o   How to build a circuit board

-        Chemical safety

-        How a lab might work

-        Valuing different skills within academia

-        Ultraviolet light

-        How motorcycles work

-        Freelance photography

-        How to use academic databases

 GTH:

-        Slavery in the United States

o   Origins

o   ‘End’

o   Civil War

o   The connection to “southern culture”

o   Continued abuses of Black people in America

§  Importance of recognizing Black voices and what they are saying

§  Listening even when it’s uncomfortable

§  Checking privilege when you have it

o   Jim Crow Laws

-        Plantations

-        Gone With the Wind

o   The good and the bad

-        Civil War spies – female

-        Carbon monoxide poisoning

-        Burned out houses are not a safe space

-        Do not go digging through people’s coffins – rest in PEACE

-        Understanding that your family can be flawed

-        If you don’t want to get married, if you’re not happy in a relationship, end it

-        When a member of your family is sick you take care of them

-        Make a will, just in case your cousin kills you

-        Bachelor and bachelorette parties should feature activities that everyone is comfortable with

-        Read Along:

o   My Last Skirt: The Story of Jennie Hodgers, Union Soldier

 SPY:

-        Scotland and their identity

o   Celtic Nations

o   Independent Scotland

o   Call a Scottish person

-        Unicorns and other mythical creatures in Scotland

-        Scottish food

o   The appetizing parts

-        History of spies

-        Biowarfare

o��  Code Orange

o   Other teenage stories dealing with anthrax

o   Current events and concerns

o   Historical biowarfare (smallpox blankets)

-        Ziplining

-        Archery

-        How to bug someone

-        Tartans and plaids

o   Kilts

-        Augmented Reality Glasses

-        Record players

-        How to reset a circuit breaker

-        Read Along:

o   Gallagher Girls

o   Code Orange

o   Little House (Martha)

o   Little Brother (Doctorow)

 MED:

-        Don’t meet your heroes

-        New Zealand

o   Maori culture

-        Survivor style game shows and realism

-        I’m not saying Aliens can’t exist, I’m saying they def aren’t involved here

-        Kayaking

-        Submarines and what they can do

-        Turtles

-        Earthquakes

-        Be careful with rope bridges

  LIE:

-        Provenance and why it’s important part two  

-        Greek art and how it was originally painted vibrantly

o   Abuses of Greek art through the ages

-        The British Museum and the issues with that

-        Greek pantheon

o   Legends and notable figures

o   Religious traditions  

-        Iliad and Odyssey

-        Art forgery

-        How to fire clay pots and pottery

-        Memorizing lines for a play

o   Staging for a play

o   Role of a director

-        Theatre

o   Lights

o   Curtains

o   Fly system

o   Sound

-        Greek alphabet

-        Historical importance of the Greek language and culture

o   Alexander the Great and Hellenization

-        Olympics

o   Historic and modern

-        Greece and the European Union  

-        Make something with pomegranates

-        Read Along:

o   Iliad

o   Odyssey

o   The Thief

o   Percy Jackson  

  SEA:

-        Iceland

o   Culture

§  Naming traditions

o   Language

o   Music

o   Food

-        Shipbuilding

o   Historic and modern ships

-        Ice caving

-        Northern Lights

-        Tides

-        Snowmobiling

-        Poetry

-        What is xenophobia

 MID:

-        Some games just shouldn’t be made

-        American witch trials

o   What actually went down

o   Misconceptions

-        Treating people with albinism as real people

-        Arson is bad

-        Herbal remedies and how they can interfere with modern medicine

-        Witchcraft and how not to

-        Salem MA

-        Ignorance promotes fear and hatred so we do our best to learn about others

[shegairowmyamo]

What i've gathered from the happy tree friends real time fandub

So there's this three part series on youtube called “happy tree friends real time fandub” and I wanted to write down my favorite parts from it.

The peta in this universe aims to protect machines.

Lumpy's great grandfather is Michael Afton, sometimes when Lumpy is stressed he quotes his great grandpa's fathers lines when he needed his son the most.

The frequency of Nutty's voice could shatter your ear drums.

Sniffles whole character arc is just him wanting to suck cock.

The reason why Lifty chose the life of crime was to try and get rid of his lung cancer while supporting his family, Shifty is just there for the ride.

Lumpy used to work for the navy.

“give me the rice”

The residents of this universe have come to terms that they will die and sometimes don't react to being hurt, stabbed, killed e.c.t.

The cursed statue is an among us sex toy.

The ant wife is Marge Simpson.

When Flippy flips he gets extremely horny.

Cuddles will scream at you to buy his bikes.

Pop's biggest bruh moment was giving birth to his son.

Cub hates white people.

Pop “let it rip” with his son attached to the beyblade.

Sniffles makse inventions specifically to “get some bitches”.

Sniffles diagnosed Nutty with erectile dysfunction and cum withdrawal.

Flaky made a gum review, and died.

Flaky was gonna beat Tricky from fnf in a fight with a metal bat.

Nutty made a car review, and died.

“oh no hentai”

Nutty is an average British resident.

Giggles busted a nut after finding out someone simped for her.

Mime retired from being a mime and can talk now.

The “These balls in your mouth” joke is common and everybody hates it, so the creator of the joke got deleted.

“Angry German Ranting”

Cuddles and Giggles ascended to heaven but were brought back.

Cro-Marmot is in constant pain.

Handy, Mime, Flippy, Petunia, Lumpy, Giggles, Lifty and Shifty all play Fortnight.

Lumpy is phone guy and frequently makes phone calls with the same opening.

Mr, Pickles is another British resident.

Sniffles at one point shoved two dildos up his ass, he personally wouldn't recommend it.

“Happy Tree Friends - Ś̶̨͖̰̍͆́p̸̦̝͉͎͝ą̵̡̨͔̥̖̑̍͊r̴̹͈̘̯̮̝̅́̆ë̶̯̋̿͝ ̸̹̺͕̫͇̋͗̆̿M̴̤̣͙͂̂̑́è̸̲”

Lumpy is the imposter from among us.

Disco Bear's only source of confidence is his cheeto puff hair.

His wig, snatched.

Disco Bear prompts dollar shave club now.

“what you know about rolling down to the deep end”

Nutty listens to money machine.

Russell is a living Foxy reference.

Russell thinks that sex is cringe.

The creator of “These balls in your mouth” was un deleted by unpopular demand.

Sniffles made anti cum to inflate his peanes.

Fliqpy likes to emotionally degrade his victims.

Lumpy read Logan Paul's apology letter and never forgave him, until like 3 seconds.

Giggles got springtrapped.

Lumpy used to work at Freddys as a night guard.

Lumpy smokes weed.

Giggles is an E-Girl.

“Shipping myself to Dwane Johnsen at 3:00 Am”.

Lumpy walked in on a fivesome, until Petunia died.

Cub got killed for saying the “These balls in your mouth” joke unironically.

Flaky is the only smart character.

Everybody screams in fear when Nutty's on screen.

"̵̨̩̦̮̪̹̗̦͇͚͕̣͈̼̲̫̺́̂̓͝ͅY̸̢̩̝͕̫̭̮͈̮̤͚̹̰̹͉̰̩̹̲͇͔̳͇̫̲̜̅̆͐͊̃̔̑̀͊͑̍̾͆̒̀̈́̿̈́͂͘͜͝͝Ḛ̸̱̉ͅS̵͎̪̦͍̩̼̑̅̉̿̄̉̎̌͆͌͌̃̓́̋̌͐͘̕̕͝͝͠"̵̡̢̯͕̫̘͉͍͖̱͈̟̘͔̫̀̄̆́̄̊͌̿́̌͆̏͜͝͝ͅ

Splendid has super lazer piss.

Counter to popular belief, Giggles is the one that wants feat pics.

Lumpy sometimes changes his accent depending on his job.

The cake is alive :)

Disco Bear is Nikocado avocado but backwards.

Cuddle's got a feat collection.

Fliqpy is the imposter in real life.

therapist Lumpy is sick of Flippy's shit.

Fliqpy made Nutty swallow.

“this is the third time”

Flippy has a hypnosis kink.

When Flippy looks in the mirror he sees Freddy Fasbear.

“That's for bead time and beed time only evil Flippy”

“aw shit”

Lumpy went fucking inzane.

Toothy had plastic surgery to look more like an emoji.

Toothy didn't choose Hot wheels, Hot wheels chose Toothy.

Toothy speaks in printer, whatever that means.

Thanos collected the infinity stones and killed Fliqpy.

“ding ding mutherfucker ding ding”

Lumpy gets a new job every day.

“A dick sucking emergency?”

Nutty has a f̷͔̩͐a̴͙͆ṟ̶̛̗͎̂̕t̴̩̓̂ ̴͓̓͗c̴̼̟̜̎o̷̤͖͂m̸͉̔͠p̴̭͈̀̉ḯ̶̧͎̅̕ͅl̶̦̾̈́͒ȧ̸̰͓̘t̴̫̀̆́i̵̤͂̓o̵̱̕͜͜n̷̛͓̼̓͜, his words not mine.

Nobody knows how to open doors so they just throw axes at it.

And apparently they also don't know how to close them either.

Nutty became a model citizen, until he became a twitch streamer and then resumed to being a crack addict again 24/7.

“It's like, its like Minecraft”

After having his balls demolished it was clear that Lifty would never have children.

Sniffles went to a dick sucking university.

“NO my seman”

The Mole wants to kill tricky but is having trouble finding him and instead kills other people.

Lumpy used to shove pinecones up his ass.

“i'm going to suck your dick whoo, give me them titties”

Sniffles got stepped on by a rocket.

Flaky has made severe and continuous laps in her judgement.

Nutty had a dream of suking on a candy cane, vigorously.

Binging with Lumpy… I HATE MY LIFE

Splendid can't handle the battle pass.

“ironic catchphrase hear”

Inflation.

Shifty wants to fuck a christmas tree.

“the true hunt has begun”

“why won't you pee in my mouth”

Disco Bears final words “oh shit it's a can”

Lumpy got drilled up his ass.

“The dick driller”

“Like these balls? they jiggle”

Cuddles has a Deviantart.

The butterfly of shame.

“i want him to do that to my ass”

Sniffles Pogd.

"̵̘̤͐̚Ả̴̛̛̛͈͙̯͎̠̈́̆̀M̷̰͎̹̳̰̪̖̆̈̀͑̉͌ͅO̴̹͌̈́͌̌̑N̸̨̜̖̫̫̜̻̤̲̓͗̕̚G̸̨̙͗̊͛͘ ̴̨̪̌̊U̸͊́ͅS̴̻͓̝̠̣̞͔̯͉̀̾͑"̶̡̥̅

Sniffles used spider seman to create anti scp 999.

Nutty was so h̷͍͈̭̩͙̾̊̎̇y̵̥̣̍͗̃̈́ͅp̶͇͚͓̯̅̌̋ẽ̵̺̬̥̒̈́͒̈́ḑ̷̊̈́͑̇̕ that he stopped existing for 7 seconds.

Flippy has a Minecraft diary.

The two most dreaded characters show up together, Sniffles and Nutty.

But then they die.

“choke me daddy”

Lumpy is a pyro main.

Gnome jokes.

“i thought that was my ass”

Cuddles is evil and is behind the whole series.

here's the links

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yxpwihHoEg&t=1s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSMbN1-YBQI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0VBUMYzMOs&t=1s

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZHl2VXF53grE7yN9NWzXXQ

[impulstor]

ok i have no idea what portal is about but i would love to hear about your au :]!! - cicicitrus

VALID! portal is very nostalgic for me I could probably ramble about it for a while SO!!

little bit of spoilers for the games bc I'm explaining the characters for context. but if you ever play the games anyway I don't think spoilers r really all that bad tbh. anyway!

tango — glados

glados is the main villain in portal + about half(???) of portal 2. I just think tango being a slightly evil robot is what he deserves hehe

zedaph — wheatley

wheatley was a tumblr sexyman for some reason. he's a little metal ball that was made specifically to create stupid ideas, and goes feral and becomes the main villain for the second half of portal 2. he's british and also pretty amusing so, yknow, I quite enjoy that for zed djjvjdj

impulse — chell

the main player character of both portal and portal 2, took down glados in the first one, which resulted in angry robot lady having a grudge against her in the second, until they're forced to team up to deal with wheatley and Not Die.

ren — adventure core/rick

the adventure core aka rick is a personality core. he likes talking about how brave and strong he is, despite being a metal ball that cannot do karate, as much as he might want u to believe. he also flirts with chell and tries to offer his assistance during the final battle

joe — fact core

fact core is like. a stereotypical know-it-all, except that most of the facts he spouts off are incorrect. some of them are true tho. most of them are amusing to listen to.

keralis — space core

space core! he is very excitable and constantly talking about space. I just think keralis' big ol eyes would fit really well on him.

APERTURE TAG!

scar — nigel

nigel is the main core in aperture tag, where instead of a portal gun, you play using a paint gun. he's very loyal to his programming and doesnt really care much about the test subject. I put scar as him because he's orange and,, yknow,,, government. or something

grian — test subject 13(?)

I forget if shes actually test subject 13 but that's fine. it's what I remember. anyway, 13 is the main player character of aperture tag, and she uses the paint gun, using orange gel to move quickly + blue gel to bounce. tbh i think some of the puzzles in AT are harder than the original games because you can put gel anywhere so solutions arent always obvious, so you have to be smart! it is also very chaotic and fun to bounce and speed around the tests however. fits pretty well.

PORTAL STORIES: MEL (my personal favorite. still one of my comfort games)

etho — mel

the main PC of ps:m, she was born in the,, probably 1930s? 1920s? anyway. she went into aperture for testing, was put to sleep for a really long time, and woke up waaay in the future out of her time. she was in the Nuremberg Olympics though!

xisuma — virgil

virgil, my absolute most favorite portal related character, is a norwegian maintenance core. he's also gay!

he's the only core to actually become friends with his test subject and not eventually betray her. though he starts off lying to mel to keep her from panicking that it's been like a hundred years or whatever, they end up bonding throughout the game and I simply love them :)

these are just my own thoughts and are honestly completely subject to change if anyone else has any better ideas. I just really love portal haha

[xxtha-blog]

So apperently I wrote a oneshot fanfic and forgot about it for almost 2 years

And because it's comedy fucking gold, and also some quality post-comic Ace content, I thought I'd share it with you people here.

Without further adieu, may I present to you

A Casual Encounter With Ace

Ink knew very little of Ace. He had met him once, briefly, in the last moments before his AU disappeared into nothingness, Ace sneaking through the portal Dream had created and slipping away from the destruction of his own home like it was nothing more than an average Saturday. Ink barely had the chance to talk to him, didn’t even know his name, he just knew that there was a flamboyant top hat wearing skeleton that enjoyed stealing things and harassing Dream, prancing around the multiverse and causing chaos with no restrictions. Of course, Ink planned to catch him… eventually… if he hadn’t forgotten… multiple times. But it was Ace who seemed to catch him instead.

  Ink had been sitting in the snow, crouched behind the trees of Underswap, checking up on the stability of the timeline, when he heard a voice behind him. At first, he thought it was Blue, the only one who would know to look for him there, but the accent threw him off. Ink turned slowly, curious, and saw the black and red skeleton leaning against his staff behind him, smiling modestly as he surveyed the rest of the underground as Ink did.

  Ink paused for a second. “Hey– Don’t I know you…?” He tapped a pencil against his chin, working with all his might to remember.

  “Perhaps, dear sir, perhaps indeed, for I am quite popular, simply ask my wonderous fans, who may be reading this right now! Which does remind me, do you ever realize that we transcend not only drawings and comic books, but also code, writing, and animations. It’s quite crazy when you think about it, I mean, just look at you. What? One of the most popular characters in the entire fandom created by a mere teenager! Mind boggling and simply astounding, our existence, both of us in fact, relies only on two simple teenagers bringing us to life.” Ace talked mellifluously, his accent smooth and precise, as though someone had mashed together a French and British accent and added a gay flare to it. He talked incredibly fast, as though to confuse everyone with his slur of words, despite them not being slurred in the slightest.

  Ink stood up, brushing the snow off his sweater. “Wait a second!” He glanced up again his eyes widening. “Aren’t you that magician guy?!”

 Ace tilted his head, intrigued.

   “Aha!” Ink declared in triumph. “I finally found you!”

  “Magician guy is quite vague. And a guy, no, no, dear sir, not at all, I simply am I, an illusionist, a magician, a slight bit insane, but far saner than you, so I must ask for you to be a tad bit more specific for fear I may misinterpret what you wish to say and be unable to reply!” Ace spun his staff around, giving Ink a slight smirk.

  “You’re from that AU- Oh what was it.” Ink spun his hands through the air, churning his memory around. “Magicwhatever, Lucktale, Underchance, Chancyluck, Chance, Chance something, Chancetale-? CHANCETALE!” He put his hands on his hips proudly.

  “A dead name, no?” Ace raised his eye sockets into a quizzical expression.

  “I mean, yeah, but you’re still here, which means you’re screwing up timelines. Which means I gotta stop ya!” With a quick flip of his arm behind his head, Ink pulled his paintbrush out in front of him and pointed it towards Ace.

  “Stop me? Stop me! Oh, how wonderful!” Ace’s eyes lit up as he spun on his heel with glee.

  “You’re supposed to be worried,” Ink pointed out. “Like, oh no he’s going to catch me?! Whatever shall I do! And then I go, heck yeah I’m going to catch you! Because I’ve got a super cool paintbrush!”

  “I dare say you do not.”

  “What do you mean? My paintbrush is awesome, I mean just look at it–" he stopped. "Where’s my paintbrush?” Ink’s hands were empty, his fingers grasping at the cold air around them and nothing more. He wondered if his memory had lapsed again, but he could have sworn he had just been holding it. He reached back only to grasp at the air once more.

  Ace casually spun the paintbrush in his hands, still standing stationary a dozen or so feet away, studying the fine patterns on the metal clasps. “Quite a nice paintbrush, indeed, I do not disagree with that, however, you do not have it, therefore your statement was false.” Without another word, the paintbrush disappeared into thin air, and Ace merely tilted his top hat.

  Ink started to take things a little more seriously, his smile fading. He straightened. “This’ll be interesting.”

  “Oh, tis always interesting when I’m here! Just ask your dear friend Dream!”

  “We’re not really friends,” Ink said with a shrug. “He just happens to be useful sometimes.”

  “Oh my! What wonderful news we have here! I’ll be sure to keep it in mind to use against you so that I can slowly break apart your relationship until you are both mortal enemies in which case I can use your turmoil to my advantage!” He clasped his hands together, smiling softly, before adding, "If need be."

  Ink stared for a second. “You know if you really want to be evil, you shouldn’t announce what you’re going to do out loud.”

  “Evil? No, I’m not evil. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever consider myself to be evil, for that would mean I am profoundly immoral, and although I am profound, immoral I am not. I know precisely what is right and wrong, and good and bad, and have no trouble discerning between the two. I simply choose to do good and choose to do bad based on the situation and outcome it will provide me, and dear sir, it is quite a bore to be simply one or the other, is it not? I mean, you’re one to speak, think of the things you have done and the people you have hurt for your own benefit, quite chaotic indeed, but not evil. Few would call the fabulous Ink evil. Therefore I am not evil. I am just spontaneous, whether that be something pleasant or something disagreeable.”

  “You really do talk a lot,” Ink said, crossing his arms.

  “Tis a showman thing.”

  “Showman?”

  “Oh! Would you like to see a show?!”

  “Not really. I was in the middle of–”

  Ace clapped his hands together cutting Ink off, his staff forming between his palms as he pulled them apart. He twirled his staff like a baton before stamping it down into the snow and pulling his top hat off his head, taking a slight bow before beginning, “A magic show! For the fabulous Encre!”

  Ace began to perform his dazzling illusions. As real as reality, yet as mad as a dream. He swept up beside Ink and before Ink could say a word, slipped his scarf right over his head and turned it a kaleidoscope of brown butterflies. Ink went to protest, but a butterfly zipped over top of his mouth and turned into a brown piece of duct tape. The rest of the butterflies froze, falling to ice cubes on the ground before bursting into tiny glass shards that glimmered with little lights.

  “Butterflies were not meant for the underground! How unfortunate. The terms and conditions said nothing about turning to glass, however! Then again, I did not read them. Alas, now I must clean this all up.” Ace spun back around Ink, standing over top of the pile of glass shards.

  Ink shouted, but his words came out as muffled gibberish. He tried to pull the duct tape off, but it refused to budge. He waved his arms around, exasperated.

  “What’s that dear sir? You wish to see more magic tricks? Well, I wish to perform more as well!” Ace spread his arms out, the glass shards levitating off the ground around him before spinning into a small ball and transforming into a lightbulb above Ace's fingertips. He caught it out of the air, studying it closely, before looking back up at Ink.

  “I would put this above my head and say I do so happen to have an idea, but that would be terribly cliché, would it not?”

  “Mphfffff!”

  “I wholeheartedly agree! I’ll put it inside my mouth instead!”

  Ace slipped the lightbulb between his teeth, smiling deviously.

  “Now dear sir,” he said with zero hindrance, despite the lightbulb clamped between his teeth. “It is a well-known fact that when one puts a lightbulb inside their mouth, it shall go in quite fine and then never ever come out again in one piece! Today I am here to prove that theory wrong and promote the putting of light bulbs in your mouth everywhere!” Ace let out a small laugh before quickly inhaling the lightbulb.

  Ink’s eyes narrowed, giving up his attempts to talk through the duct tape.

  “Where ever has it gone? Ah! I know!” Ace reaches a hand inside his left eye socket and pulls the lightbulb into the place his heart-shaped pupil should have been.

  “And now to turn it on!”

  With a slight flick of his wrist, Ace summoned an egg out of midair, then cracked it against the nearest tree. From the cracked shell sprang a toaster, which Ace caught in his hands as though he had done this many a time. He quickly plugged the toaster into the tree and waited a few seconds, but nothing seemed to happen.

   Ink watched, both baffled and annoyed, only able to express his feelings through a few grunts and shakes of his head. Ink had seen many things over his life, AUs full of nothing but Sanses, characters made of watermelons, atrocious crossovers, but nothing quite as strange as this.

  “Oh, I see what I’m doing wrong! Forgive me, dear sir, I have never used a toaster in my life! I run solely off of white chocolate!” Ace unplugged the toaster from the tree and threw it as far as he could muster. “Farewell, dear toast maker. I shall miss thee.”

  He reached inside the small red pouch on his shirt, barely bigger than a golf ball, and pulled a full sized hair dryer.

  Why do you have a hairdryer?! Ink shouted, his eyes wide, but it simply came out as “Wff duh vu hvv a her dyr?!”

  “For this, dear sir, why else.” Ace put the end of the hairdryer up to his eye and turned it on. It wasn’t plugged into anything, the cord dangling around Ace's ankles. As the hairdryer whirred to life, the light bulb flickered on.

  Ace pulled the hair dryer away, making it disappear into a flurry of little pink sparkles before taking a long bow, one of his eyes now made of a little yellow glowing light bulb.

  Ink clapped sarcastically.

  “Why thank you! Thank you! Truly an amusing time we've had here today!” He pranced over to Ink, patting him on the head twice. When Ink tried to grab him, his entire vision spun around and he was suddenly facing the complete opposite direction.

  “Now, now, that’s no way to treat someone who just performed for you.”

  Ink turned on his heels, looking around for Ace, but he was nowhere to be seen. The piece of duct tape had vanished.

  “Farewell, dear Ink, until you wish for another magic show!”

  The voice came from nowhere and echoed throughout the trees before fading into nothingness. On the ground, there was a small paper card. Ink bent over and picked it up, flipping it open. Inside was a tiny brush, smaller than a thumbtack, taped to the inside of the card with a small heart and delicate cursive handwriting: I believe this belonged to you?

[phcking-detective]

Happiness is a Jealous Android

The FBI are the British of the law enforcement world, Gavin thinks sourly as he glares at the new addition "consulting" on his goddamn case. Snobby fucking cunts who think their own shit doesn't stink.

He can't do anything but be mad about it either. There's a new virus making androids overheat, and they don't know shit about how it works.

They could if Nines caught an android in the middle of it, but it works so fast, they haven't been able to grab one yet. He could just use whatever program he has meant to hack in and delete another android's code—meant for eradicating deviancy—and delete the virus instead.

"Yes, but just imagine, if the code is—" the fancy FBI computer geek says.

Nines interrupts. "For the fifth time, I cannot."

"But you understand the concept!" FBI geek throws up his hands. "Just apply it to—"

Gavin rolls his eyes. The whole fucking point of Nines is that he can't! He's not ever supposed to have new ideas, and he thinks too literally for that shit anyway.

Nines already told them the most efficient method of overheating an android three days ago, but whatever the virus does, it isn't that. And Nines can't think of anything less efficient—he can barely understand the concept of thinking less efficiently.

So they've brought in a human just smart enough to be stupid for him.

If only someone would tell this asshole that's what his job is. Just be stupid enough to think of something that works through sheer idiot accident—that's human creativity, baby!

When the GJ500 assigned to act as the FBI geek's "tactical support"—glorified bodyguard/babysitter special combo—meets Gavin's eyes and jerks his head toward the back door, Gavin can't get out of the bullpen and into the back alley for a smoke break fast enough.

"Need a light?" Nate asks, already pulling out his own pack.

Gavin's not really sure why an android needs to smoke, but he's also not sure where his ADHD ass has left his own lighter this time, so he nods and leans forward.

One thing he is sure of is how Nate checks him out while sparking the end of his cigarette. He's cruised enough to know that look, android or not.

But he settles back against the opposite nod with only a grunt of thanks. Him and Nines maybe sort of have a thing and they maybe sort of haven't talked about it. Anyway, he's only made the exception about shitting where he eats—or in this case, fucking where he works—because Nines is such an uptight, private, introverted bastard, he knows not even Connor will be able to weasel any details out of him.

"Fucking geniuses, right?" Nate says after lighting his own cigarette.

He gives a surprisingly human scoff, and Gavin can't help but snort back in agreement. He's only gotten used to Nines and Connor—said fucking genius or the android version of those evil gossipy Southern ladies. And all the other androids in the precinct are still too scared of him for anything outside of short sentences, much less small talk.

So he's never really shot the shit with an android before, but hey. Brave new world and all.

"How'd you get stuck babysitting yours?" Gavin asks.

Nate groans. "I was suckered. Fucking …" He gestures with his own lit cigarette. "Bamboozled."

Gavin snickers and maybe checks him out a little too. "Like to see the guy who could bamboozle you."

Nate grins at him. "Well, I guess I have to admit your RK probably could, but outside of that …"

His grin opens wider, revealing sharp canines. Gavin swallows. Nines has them too of course, but they're like, metal sheaths that drop down from his gums to cover his "human" teeth. Very cool, but he only gets to see them on special occasions.

"But yeah." Nate drops the grin and sighs. "Honestly, I'm still kind of new. And I don't have any fucking, deep burning desire to be a free form poet or some shit. I just wanted to do what I'm good at, so the FBI called and I jumped."

Gavin raises his eyebrows. "And they stuck you with a babysitting job?"

Nate wrinkles his face up with clear disgust and disappointment. It's weird as hell. The only other android he's seen built like Nate is Nines, who wouldn't know a facial expression if someone carved a Joker smile into his chassis.

OK, well. Maybe that's not fair. Nines does have both disgust and disappointment on lock, but in a sterile sort of way. Like a scientist observing a failed experiment and Gavin's dick is the unlucky lab rat.

(Not that Gavin or his dick are complaining.)

"What about you?" Nate asks. "Got anything to complain about?"

Gavin huffs out smoke and flicks ash off the end of his cigarette. "Why do you care?"

Nate shrugs. "Maybe I'm just interested in life at the DPD. For no reason. Snow is always whiter on the other side and all."

He barks out a laugh. "It's Detroit. If you see any snow that's still white, that's just cocaine."

Nate snorts too, and the smoke is good, and maybe he could throw the guy a bone. He'd been thinking about a career change himself not too long ago—until he got partnered with Nines, and Fowler started actually noticing when he solved cases, and maybe having Nines help keep him on track meant he blew up less at his coworkers, meant that they stopped hating him so much, meant that he might have a real shot at a promotion now.

"Connor's usually the darling golden boy," he says between drags. "And Hank goes way back with Fowler, so yeah. They get all the good shit."

Nate makes a sympathetic noise.

"Our budget's shit and anytime we catch something really good, guess who swoops in and case steals?"

He gives Nate's FBI jacket a pointed look that totally doesn't involve also checking out his barrel of a chest. What the fuck do they make these military models out of anyway? His porn history?

"Sucks," Nate says. "Doesn't sound too different though. At least you actually get to work cases. The only shit I catch is all coding and hacking, and I'm not built for that any more than you could perform open heart surgery just 'cause you've got one."

"Oof," Gavin says in return.

He gets down to the filter and drops it, stubbing out the small ember with his boot. Nate's cigarette is still going strong, since he doesn't actually need to inhale and hasn't been sucking it down. Gavin's not sure what to do with his hands now, and he's still plenty stressed, so he just takes out another cigarette.

Nate takes his out of his mouth and holds it out. Gavin gratefully presses the end of his new smoke against it to light up again.

"I think they call this buttfucking," Nate says.

Gavin sputters out a surprised laugh. "Yeah, Brits call these a lot worse."

Nate shrugs. "Takes one to know one."

From the way he pulls his cigarette back and wraps his lips around it while maintaining full eye contact, he obviously knows a little something-something himself.

But then he switches to complaining about his partner's annoying little peculiarities—like how the man apparently hates cotton balls with some sort of weird fetishistic passion—and Gavin offers up how Nines refuses to ever end a sentence with a preposition, and it's just regular coworker bitching from there.

Although they do start taking smoke breaks together, at least once a day. It's nice having someone to bitch to, since Nines is so busy doing code shit Gavin can't even comprehend, and Tina's off with her android girlfriend, plus Hank and Connor, for some feel good android-human bonding news special or whatever.

And yeah, they flirt. But Gavin's a slut and Nines already knew that. The one time Nate asked him about getting a "lunch break," Gavin told him he doesn't fuck around on cases. Even if neither of them were any use right now, fucking a coworker is bad enough—Gavin strictly does not fuck at work, or even on lunch breaks if he's in the middle of a big case.

Nate drawled he had an impressive work ethic and left it at that.

And him and Nines still haven't talked about their thing, or how serious it is, or exclusive, or … at all, really. Nines is too busy. So.

It's not a big deal if he just, has a friend or whatever.

***

Gavin leans back against the wall and tries to light his smoke in the face of harsh Detroit winds. It keeps sputtering out. Maybe he should go back inside.

Hank and Connor are back, and that's stealing the spotlight from their case getting solved, but it's not like he had shit to do with that anyway.

He's not sulking about it.

Not FBI-genius-what's-his-face being all smug, or Nines still ignoring him to mind-talk to Connor even though the case is over and they could finally have some time to …

Shit. Hold hands? Gavin mentally sneers at himself. What they had going on before was probably just like, an experiment. Lots of androids trying out sex and dating right now.

Lots of times that he's handing over his heart to someone just looking for—

Tall, broad shoulders step in between him and the wind so the lighter finally sparks and catches long enough for him to light up. He takes a drag and looks up, ready to tell Nines it's about time he—

But it's Nate.

(Stupid.)

"Scene in there a little too much?" Nate asks.

Gavin tips his head back and exhales smoke without answering.

"Got a job offer," he continues. "In New York."

Gavin hums. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Lot nicer than fucking Detroit." Nate pauses. "Could use a partner though."

"What?" Gavin blinks and looks back at him. "Shit man. Like we're gonna run away together?"

Nate laughs. "Not that romantic, no. But you're being fucking wasted here—both as a cop and a, uhh …"

He stops and purposefully takes a long drag of his own cigarette. What the British call them. Like that's clever.

Gavin's the only one allowed to call himself slurs, but he does enjoy being verbally degraded, and this asshole is pushing right up against both of those lines. He's not really sure how mad he is about it, since Nate didn't actually say the word, but he settles for pissed because that's who he is as a person.

"Oh, fuck off," he sneers.

Nate smirks and it suddenly seems mean instead of sexy for the first time. "Like you're getting it any better from your RK? I bet he fucks like the machine he is."

Gavin doesn't deny it. Nines hasn't deviated and he doesn't care when people call him a machine anyway. And none of that is any of this asshole's business.

But Nate keeps going.

"Two weeks and I've never even seen him look at you," he says. "Y'know, look."

He drags his eyes over Gavin's body like he's mapping out all the places he plans to touch. Wants to touch. Nines assesses him, nags at him to eat or sleep or "hydrate" himself. Catalogues every minute detail about his appearance.

Sometimes he'll even look at Gavin like he's going to eat the human alive and analyze every single bite.

But his partner has never checked him out or anything. As far as Gavin knows, it's all mental for him when they fuck around. Just a way for him to have control over something in his life and put some of those interrogation protocols to use that aren't legal now that deviants have rights.

Nate looks like he wants to fuck him raw in this very goddamn alley.

"None of your phcking business," Gavin mutters.

Nate sighs and drops his smoke in the snow. "Oh, Gavin. Fine. We can do this your way."

He thinks that means the android is going to let it go, even though that phrasing is really weird. So he's a dumb idiot who doesn't even have his guard up when Nate passes by him to the door—only to suddenly grab him, turn him around, and shove him up against the brick alley wall.

Gavin slams an elbow back into his ribs on instinct, but that doesn't do shit against a private security android except make his whole arm go numb. He holds back the impulse to slam his head backward into the android's face, because that will hurt his human skull way worse than whatever metal Nate has under the plastic.

He tries to take stock of the situation instead, but then freezes when Nate leverages his taller, bulkier body to press against the whole of his back to keep him pinned.

And grind into his ass.

"Get off," Gavin snarls.

"Yeah, I intend to," Nate replies in casual amusement. "Don't worry, I'll let you come too."

"I'm. Not. Interested!"

Nate leans down to murmur in his ear. "Ah-ah. I've seen your porn history, Gavvy. This is damn near all you watch."

Watch! his brain screams. He watches that shit, might fool around with some forced submission, but only in scenes with his Dom. Which is NINES.

"I'm going to fuck you so good, you won't even remember his dumb little number," Nate croons.

"Well."

"Mm?"

Gavin huffs against the brick, just stalling for time. Or an idea. An idea would be really fucking nice right about now, but all he can think about is how his traitor dick really has gotten interested in this even though he's screaming inside and—

"Good is an adjective. You can't verb an adjective. You need to use the adver—"

Nate grabs a fistful of his hair and slams his face into the wall. He doesn't have any snappy comeback because yeah. That's all the response he needed.

But his hands have scrabbled against the brick wall long enough to find a loose one. Can't have shit in Detroit, much less well-constructed buildings. His skull and fist might not do shit versus the android's face, but a brick to the head should put anyone down.

Right?

"Now. Are you going to be a good b—"

The door to the alley opens, and Hank steps out. Gavin looks sideways at him and opens his mouth, but he chokes on the blood dripping down the back of his throat from his busted up nose and can't say anything.

"We're just having a little fun, Lieutenant," Nate says smoothly. "Nothing he doesn't beg for online."

Gavin's face flushes, and that really doesn't help the bleeding nose problem. Everyone in the precinct knows what he's like. Seen him come in the next morning after a night out with bruises on his throat or wrists. Hell, he'd fucking bragged about it.

"And I'll believe that when I hear him say it." Hank crosses over to them and wedges a thick arm between them. "Back off."

Nate steps back, and Gavin scrambles to get behind Hank, even as he hates himself for it.

"You really don't need to get involved in this," Nate says.

"I think I do."

Nate looks down at Hank's hand, still pushing against his chest. He smiles thinly and grabs the lieutenant's wrist.

"You really …" Nate leverages his arm down the way only a machine could. "Don't."

Hank struggles in the impromptu arm wrestling contest, staring as his hand gets mechanically pushed away. Nate glances down too with a smirk.

Then Hank throws a sudden left hook directly into the android's throat. It's a sucker punch, but there's no use fighting fair against a GJ500. He doesn't need to breathe of course, but his access port is at the back of his neck, with enough delicate little connections right behind his approximation of a windpipe—now crushed—for him to automatically take a step back and raise his hands to protect his throat.

Hank steps forward with him but grabs his hair this time, while also kicking out at his legs. After that, it's just gravity. Head yanked forward, legs knocked backward, and the android's stupid high center of gravity up in his chest and shoulder with all those muscles working against him.

He topples like a child's toy and hits the ground hard. Hank doesn't waste any time in grinding the heel of his shoe down on the back of the android's neck threateningly, and Nate goes still in surrender.

"You good?" he asks Gavin.

"I have a brick."

Gavin half-holds up the brick he'd pulled out of the wall. Oo, wow, great job. In contrast to the voice sneering inside his head though, Hank nods approvingly.

"Nines said your heartrate spiked and asked me to check on you, in case you were just … having fun," Hank explains.

"Which is what I said," Nate speaks with his cheek still pressed into dirty snow-slush.

"People having fun don't pull a goddamn brick out of the wall to beat your face in, asshole," Hank snaps back.

Nate's LED snaps from yellow to red, like maybe he really hadn't thought of that. Like he really preconstructed he was doing Gavin some sort of favor or something.

Nines steps out the back door before anyone can say anything else, Connor peeking out behind him. That's just great. Why not get the whole precinct out here? Everyone can crowd on in and witness this little moment.

Nines's LED goes red too as he looks at Nate on the ground, Hank keeping him down, and then slowly rotates his head to look over at Gavin's busted up face. Gavin drops the brick and spits out another thick wad of blood.

"I did not interfere," Nines says, his voice far more furious than any machine has a right to be. "With your flirting and your … schemes. I would never restrict Gavin's happiness."

Wait, his goddamn what?

"But you hurt him! You touched my human—"

Nines snarls out the claim, and Gavin swears he can feel some sort of shift in barometric pressure, like right before a tornado hits.

"And you. Hurt. Him."

Nate stays on the ground. He lies very still and doesn't say a goddamn word, actually.

Gavin reaches out for Nines. He's not really sure what he's going to say, but the moment he holds out his hand, Nines whirls around, his LED switching from red to yellow. He moves so fast and—and Gavin's dated a lot of shitty people. Really shitty. Nate isn't exactly an anomaly. So he automatically expects Nines to be mad at him.

Instead, Nines takes his hand so tenderly, they could be in a gay historical period piece.

"Yes, darling?" he asks.

Gavin gapes at him. He's still not … not really making a facial expression. His face was literally built differently than Connor's, even if it looks the same at first glance. The most he can manage is a completely neutral look, but with intensely focused eyes, like he's about to glare a tax return out of existence.

So no, Nines has never looked at Gavin the way Nate did.

But that doesn't mean he hasn't looked at him.

With …

… love?

Gavin finally finds his voice. "Hank. Can I go see Sumo?"

"Sure," Hank says easily. "Nines can bring you over, and you two just hang out for a bit."

Yeah, he bitches about Hank and Connor being Fowler's favorites and how Hank still doesn't get in before ten most mornings, but they're a lot better now. Good enough that he'll dog sit again sometimes, or get himself roped into a "family dinner" between Nines and Connor.

But this …

Gavin nods, throat all clenched up again.

"Yes," Nines answers for him. "I will take you to a secure location. Yes?"

All it takes is one more nod, and Nines is whisking him away out of the alley, but not through the station. They walk around the building instead so no one inside can see his face and ask questions, until they reach the parking lot, and then his truck. Nines unlocks it with his mind or something, opens the backdoor, and gently bullies Gavin into sitting down sideways in the backseat with his legs hanging out the door so Nines can fuss over his face.

"S'fine," he tries to protest.

Nines grabs the spare medical kit he keeps under the backseat and lays it in his lap. Gotta have one for all the bar fights he, well. That he used to get into. Sure as fuck can't afford hospital visits.

"I tried … so hard … not to … miscalculate," Nines says, voice overlaid with static.

Gavin tries to hold his face still so his partner can wipe all the blood off. "Mish-cal-coo-ate whah?"

"Jealous partners are bad."

Gavin blinks and stares at him. "Bad."

"It is … abusive."

Gavin opens his mouth and looks around the parking lot, as if the ghosts of all his actually abusive exes are going to show up, point their fingers, and laugh.

He brushes away Nines' fussy hands. "Is that why you've been ignoring me?"

Nines goes from yellow to red again. "No. Not … ignoring. Solving the case. In absence of … social module. Appropriate preconstructions. I … solving the case would make them leave. And I would have you to myself again."

He admits the last part quietly. Gavin feels like he just found out two plus two equals sixty-seven.

"You—at the party though," he insists. "You didn't say shit to me. You just hunkered down in the corner with Con … Connor. Who has a social module."

Nines nods. "Correct. I asked … for advice … to …"

He trails off and flutters his hands around Gavin's face again, then settles on carefully touching his chest, right over his heart. His big blue eyes stare at him like he's the most important person in the world.

Gavin feels his heart lurch up into his throat and pulls Nines closer by the back of his neck before remembering that even without all the blood only half wiped away, he can't kiss with a nose that's not quite broken, but still pretty goddamn close.

"Babe, just tell me," he says instead. "Phck, I have a social module. And I'm the—the relevant party. Your partner. Just fucking ask if you're not sure of something."

Nines looks down.

"The only reason." Gavin stops and swallows hard. "I even—with Nate. Was because we haven't talked about, y'know. Us. So I didn't know if, if you wanted to like, date me. Or if you were just experimenting and stuff."

Nines' whole face crinkles up in a frown. Cyberlife let him keep that expression. All the "scary" ones.

"You are my partner," the android says. "But you are also human. You have needs I cannot—"

"Absolutely the fuck not," Gavin interrupts. "You're mine. I chose you."

Nines looks up and hits him with those blue eyes again. "And are you mine as well?"

"Yeah." Gavin clears his throat. "You uh, might have to remind me though."

Nines decides the best course of action is clearly to drag Gavin closer and growl in his ear. Literally growl, like the giant unstoppable predator he is. Gavin shivers—and maybe whimpers a little—and presses closer.

"I will take you home and keep you safe and never let anyone else ever touch you," Nines says, petting his hair.

Gavin sighs in bliss.

"But you will be happy too," Nines states more quietly. "Yes?"

Gavin nods into his shoulder. Yeah. He's going to be happy. They'll both be happy.

Together.

***

***

this is another commissioned fic! my rates are $10 for 1k / $25 for 3k / or $40 for 5k, and you can also check out my patreon for my main reed900 series here ^^

[ninjakitty15]

Cold As Death (Loki)

Chapter One: Looks That Could Kill

By all accounts, today should've been like the countless other days before it. Just another day stuck in a glass cell with the occasional "scientist" trying to figure out how to harness something no regular schmuck or mortal could hope to grasp by poking, prodding, and bleeding me. But this was Hydra for you, try to change one idiots mind, and several more idiots tell you you're wrong. German, American, or other, there are evil idiots in every corner of every world, that's for damn sure. At this point I couldn't figure out why they still kept me here, locked away from everything when they couldn't what they wanted from me. They already tried torturing it out of me like pain would make me crumble, I just ended up wincing or laughing depending on what they did as there were times I actually wasn't sure I felt anything, not because they did it often enough or it was that bad, I was just sorta dead inside so some nerve endings didn't always work.

The only thing remotely unusual about today though was it wasn't as busy where they stashed me, hands locked in power dampening shackles and a metal muzzle to boot. At some point earlier they attempted to keep me sedated and unconscious but I woke myself back up once they left me alone thinking I was no longer a problem. Amateurs. As I sat in the middle of the cell, eyes closed but fully alert and coherent, I felt before I ever heard a presence that felt otherworldly to me. They were silent, seeming to observe with caution as I felt it get closer and start to circle the container then pause right where I knew the controls of the cage to be. There was a fifty fifty chance this presence would let me out, the other half being they come in and another round of human pinata would start but instead of candy it would just be blood and a lot of bad puns and jokes falling out of me, maybe drop a few s/m mentions. Serious folks tend to get real uncomfortable when you get sexual on them. If you can't laugh about sex, you don't have a sense of humor.  A button was pressed on the panel and a door formed in front of me where the glass was and I got a stronger feel of who or what was in front of me on the other side. They were definitely not your average Joe, probably not even human and flowing with a lifeforce not even mutants could possibly obtain. An immortal for sure. They took one step toward me and because this wasn't something I'd encountered since my containment, I instinctively tensed which made them pause again.

"You're awake?" A smooth almost british accented voice, noted softly yet curiously.

I opened my eyes then just to confirm that as the muzzle was holding back my usual smartass responses. They was actually one tall man clad in leather and gold metal, watching me carefully with piercing blue/green eyes. Maybe it was seeing the same ugly mugs every day for gods know how long I've been down here and finally seeing a new face, maybe it was the fact he was wearing my two favorite colors and pulled it off better than anyone else I've seen try that. But damn did he look good. It might also be the killer jawline and physique too. His eyes fixated on the muzzle for a moment and a hardened scowl formed for some reason, surprisingly not twisting the dashing look like it does most angry men. And then suddenly I could speak again but opted to gasp like a dying beached fish because damn did it feel good to not have airways being blocked anymore. Vaguely I wondered if my lips were chapped from the damned thing before smiling maniacally.

"Finally, oral freedom!" I cried overdramatically.  "I don't usually offer though unless its returned, all's fair in love and fun stuff."

The man cracked a small smile and ventured a step closer to me. "What are you? And why are you in here?"

"Could ask you the same thing, hun," i quipped. "And seeing as I was here first, you should answer first."

He chuckled and took a more confident step toward me though his lifeforce strengthened like a guard around him. Before he could answer himself though, a booming and somehow familiar voice called out. "Loki, have you found anything down there?!" Which caused the dude now named Loki to cringe at the interruption and sigh.

"No one here but us ghouls," I told him in answer.

"They have a prisoner down here, brother!" replied Loki though his eyes never left me.

"Prisoner's such a harsh word, I prefer forced resident or illegal obtained house guest," I informed him. "You answer his questions, but not mine. It's because I'm black, isn't it?" I was actually what one would describe in terms of skin color as not recently dead pale white.

"I thought he was answer enough, I'm sure you know of Thor, he likes to play the hero of this realm," Loki replied to me, an eyebrow arched.

"The Norse God of shitty weather? Y'all aren't busy with cooler realms?" I asked.

"This wasn't my choice," was his dry response, making me smile more.

I snickered. "Spoken like a true sibling. So you came down here, an alien immortal, because your big brother told you so. My heart bleeds for you really."

He glared at my unabashed sarcasm and crossed his arms over his chest. "Now answer mine before he comes in and makes a great mess of this place."

"More than the people that came with this building already have? That's gotta take talent. But I'll bite. They hunted me down gods know how long ago and attempted to extract something from me that makes me awesome, didn't work obviously or they'd make a mess not even your brother could trump and we wouldn't be here talking. Too valuable to be killed, though they couldn't if they tried, too stubborn to be experimented on. Where'd they go anyway? Are you guys the reason I didn't get my daily prodding?"

"My brothers...friends dealt with the ones they could find, if they're anything like their namesake, I'm sure there's more in hiding waiting for reinforcements or something like that."

Another man leaped down out of nowhere that definitely wasn't Thor as he didn't have long golden locks or a beard, his head and half his face were actually covered by a mask and instead of a hammer was a shield in one arm.

"Thor failed to mention it was a woman," the new dude noted.

"And my gender matters because...?" I wasn't actually offended by this, just messing with him to get a reaction which worked as he genuinely looked bashful, making me cackle. "For all the armor you people wear, it's still surprisingly easy to get under your skin. Maybe I've just been here so long, they're just fashion statements now, if everyone's wearing leather armor count me in!"

"Sorry to disappoint, but it's just us," Loki told me.

"She tell you why they're holding her?" the new man asked him.

"They're trying to steal her powers though I'm not sure what they are yet."

"Only the best kind of course," I told them. "It's all the rage these days, all the Hydra agents gotta have it."

"Well they can find it somewhere else as you're free from them but you can tell us all about the what and why, if you don't mind," the new man said.

"You say that so politely but I'm getting the sense you weren't asking. I'll comply if you give me a hand here, mine are a bit tied up at the moment." I raised my shackled hands as high as able since they were chained to the metal floor beneath me.

The new man was quick to break the chains connecting me to the floor before Loki waved a hand like Jedi Knight and the shackled sprang open, dropping to the floor with a loud clang. I flexed my hands and shook them a bit to get feeling back with them being cramped and slowly got to my feet, staggering a bit as my leg bones cracked from the sudden use and weight. I sighed in sweet relief and relaxed with a slight grin. "Alrighty then!" With my hands free, so was my powers just a bit more and I could collect and stretch it out, testing the waters. That seemed to be enough for Loki to notice being a power person as well and both eyebrows shot up as he probably felt what I was doing. I winked at him before turning to the other guy. "Onward and upward!"

With the new guy leading me out of the building and Loki being my tail, I was on my way to freedom for good before being nearly blinded by that god awful ball of fire in the sky, everyone else calls the sun. I recoiled and refrained from hissing like an angry vampire, stumbling back into Loki in the process who steadied me and smirked at my reaction to daylight. The new guy looked back hearing me cursing at it and raised an eyebrow in question but didn't actually ask anything.

"What? I'm not a morning person," I responded before straightening up but subtly elbowing Loki in the stomach, causing a soft grunt from behind while accidentally hitting my funny bone which wasn't that funny at all as my entire arm went numb and tingly at the same time. "Stupid toned god with your stupid abs of granite."

The new guy stopped walking and pressed a hand against his ear. "We're out, all the agents we could flush out are dealt with. A ride would be nice." Ah he was talking on a com of some kind it seems. How high tech yet old school. Within a few moments, an even more hightech fighter plane of some kind hovered low enough for him to climb in first then offer his hand to pull me up as I was unfortunately not remotely as tall or long legged as either man near me. I looked around the plane curiously to see another man and a redhaired woman at the front as pilots, the woman looking back and landing her eyes on me as well.

"Are you the prisoner Thor spoke of?" she asked.

"I'm the illegally obtained house guest, yes." Loki snickered behind me and I reminded myself not to elbow him again as my arm still hadn't gotten proper feeling back.

The woman smiled as well and nodded. "Buckle up then, we're heading back to base, could get bumpy. All good back there, Steve?" she called after the first new guy who was now Steve.

"Ready when you are," he answered, sitting at the tail end of the machine.

The plane rose up and shot forward at an illegally unsafe speed above the city. Loki had settled across from me, eyes ever studying me but unlike the agents that actually did and more, they weren't malicious or power hungry, just cautious and curious. I decided to test his resolve then and locked my eyes on his in an unwavering staring contest. "First one to blink loses."

"Is that why they muzzled you? Because if you're not under their skin, you're cracking jokes?" he asked.

"If you don't have a sense of humor you don't have much to live for and that's how they win. Also no, it's not how I talked, but who I talked to or when it wasn't them."

"To contain your powers, like they did your hands then. And they didn't get anything from you?"

"What I have can't be drained or pulled out or copied, it's not specifically found in something like DNA or an organ or something physical even. Those guys claim to be scientists but real scientists accept facts as they are when proof is found and I'm living proof they're all frauds with no results. I bet they don't even have a Ph.D."

"They're Hydra, they're funded by power and money, not degrees and universities," Steve spoke up.

"So you're telling me they just pulled a few crazy people with crazyass theories on things from a hat and told them they're scientists now? I should've gone to college there, I wanna have money and be told I have a job with more money. All I got from mine a piece of paper saying I know some things and then years of disappointment from being unemployed. I probably look good in a lab coat too."

"A stark difference from your current attire of all black and hooded," Loki pointed out.

I snorted. "All they let me wear after ruining the one I was caught in from their experimentation, they thought the attire should fit the power, how unimaginative is that? Let's just advertise exactly what I can do to everyone around me, that'll throw them off for sure."

"And what can you do?" he challenged.

"Uh-uh, spoilers sweety. A preview of which will cost you extra."

"But we just gave you a free ride," chipped the male pilot.

"Hey, you're not part of this conversation, and I don't even know where we're going, this could be a free ride to something worse. Like Shield or the dentist."

"Bad experience? Ate too much candy as a kid, didn't you?" the pilot guessed.

"If you think there's such thing as too much candy, then your childhood sucked and I pity your past."

"Tony's gonna love this one," mused the female pilot. "What's your name?"

"I've been out of custody for like 15 minutes and finally someone asks! It's Noelle, Nell for short. And you pilots are...?"

"About to land for starters," the man said. "I'm Clint, she's Nat, and we're at base so everyone out of my plane."

"That's Tony's plane actually," quipped Loki as the plane landed and everyone unbuckled. "Come along, meet the rest of my brother's friends."

[madrut16]

Premeditated Part 1 (AdrianxMC)

Author’s Note: This is by far the darkest thing I have written! And yes I know my preview had no hint of that, I didn’t want to give too much away. So, this is my warning that it gets really sad and horrifying. I was a little disturbed that I was actually writing this but, this theory has been nagging at me since Book 1 and I had to write it. 

Pairing: AdrianxMC 

Rating: R (A significant amount of violence and murder)

Summary: Isabel discovers first hand who was really responsible for the death of Adrian’s family.

Word Count: 2550

@endlesshero1122 @kinda-iconic @brightpinkpeppercorn @desiree-0816 @flyawayboo @tabithacarlisle @galaxyside-0  @sucker4aslowburn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At first, everything is pitch black. That’s how all the visions start now, as an overture for the main feature. She first smells the fresh air mixed with gunsmoke and feels the cool breeze tickling her skin and already she can tell that this is somewhere familiar, somewhere she's been before. It slowly comes into focus and she lets out a strained gasp. 

The cabin... 

Immediately dread coils in her stomach, suspecting that whatever she would see wouldn’t be good. Yet, the scene before her isn’t sad or frightening at all, in fact, it’s purely domestic.

The full moon illuminates the cabin with a silvery light and that mixes with the soft, golden glow of a kerosene lamp. Her eyes first fixate on a younger woman, around the same age as her in 18th-century dress, humming to herself as she kneaded a loaf of bread. 

A movement soon catches her eye and Isabel looks to the woman’s right where a small boy was sitting on the floor a few feet away and her heart skips a beat as she recognizes the identity almost immediately.

“Ch--Charles...” 

Of course, no one could hear her, since she’s merely a fly on the wall. Even if they did, they would barely be able to understand her in her drugged-like state. Adrian was right about one thing, the kid was adorable. And he looked remarkably like his father too, even at that tender age. That means that the woman had to be Eleanor--his wife. 

She quickly realizes that it was just the two of them for now with Adrian gone somewhere. Every minute or so, a loud crack could vaguely be heard and faint screaming and shouting that was the unmistakable sound of war. 

“I hope your father is alright,” Eleanor said looking at her son as her forehead creased with concern. “He shall be late for supper again with the fighting going on this long.”

The toddler blinked at her in confusion before returning to the rocks in front of them which he was playing with gleefully. 

His mother let out an anxious sigh. “Tis good you are unaware Charlie. The British nearly have us surrounded now! I pray all will be right eventually. Your father doubts we have the blessing of the Lord. We must believe him. Hope is our greatest defense. That we shall focus on.”

A delicate smile appeared on her lips as she returned to her task. However, Isabel could see through the tension in her arms that she was still nervous. Eleanor finished up shaping the dough into a ball and left it on the counter, brushing her hands on the white apron. Then, she went over to Charles and crouched down beside the boy, who looked up at her with a cheeky grin. 

“Tis late my child, I ought to get you to sleep.”

His small forehead scrunched into a pout as she picked him up, a tiny frown gracing his tiny face. “No.”

She responded with a sympathetic look as she ignored his protests. Just as she went to take him to the single bedroom, the sound of a man's boots approaching stopped her. She turned toward the sound but there was no one to be seen. Shaking her head in bewilderment, she resumed placing the child in the small, hand-built crib and kissed his forehead.

"Sleep, my child. Father will see you when he is home," she whispered before slowly walking away as Charlie continued to fuss.

An abrupt knock cut through the silence just as Eleanor reentered the main living area. Her brows creased once more and she grabbed a broom as a precaution. She approached the front door just as the person outside pounded another more persistent knock. Finally, Eleanor opened it and her eyes widen seeing the man's uniform.

"No," Isabel murmurs in disbelief. "It can't...be."

But it was. Even though the hair was tucked underneath his hat, she feels like she’s known that face for ages. 

Gaius Augustine. 

"How do you do?" he said to Eleanor, his distinct voice as clear as day. However there was one difference: it sounded tired, hoarse. As if he were using a considerable amount of energy. It also sounded exaggerated, enough for Isabel to tell that it was fake. 

"Good evening to you sir. Can I help you?"

"May I come in? I am an acquaintance of your husband, Adrian Raines. From the fighting."

This caused Eleanor to gasp and immediately step to the side. "Of course! Has something happened?" she asked, her already pale face become sheet white. "Is he alright?"

Crossing the threshold, his boots creaked on the floorboards as he entered. Even though Isabel's mind is the only part of her in the room, she can still feel his presence. He consumed the space without even trying.

"Oh no, I did not mean to distress you," he told her shaking his head. A small, almost undetectable laugh partially escapes before his caught it and his serious demeanor returned. "He is fine. I, however, am not quite so," he reassured her before grimacing.

It’s then that Isabel noticed the dark stain that covered the white undershirt that peaked out of his uniform. 

"Oh no!" Eleanor exclaimed, observing the mark also. "That looks not good at all. Here, why don't you sit over there and I will fetch something to treat it."

Gaius did as he was told, letting no other cracks appear out of his armor. "You are too kind Mrs. Raines, thank you!"

"Of course, sir. Although, I beg you to be as quiet as possible. My son has gone to sleep for the night."

A trace of a smile briefly graced his lips. "My apologies."

"Tis alright sir, I will be back shortly."

She disappeared from view for a moment to get whatever medicinal supplies they had. As soon as he was left alone on the wooden bench next to the fireplace, a slow, evil smile spread across Gaius's face. He stripped off the soldier's uniform in several quick motions revealing the all-black attire Isabel has seen so many times. In his standard form, he stood and waited for the woman to come back, his eyes already flickering from their greyish blue to bright red.

"No. Not...him. Can't be...him," Isabel stammers, her subdued state from the vision barely allowing her to slur together a full sentence.

It was too early. Adrian said that he had made his move after his family was already dead. But, now it's clear that he was mistaken. Was Adrian misled about who did it? Or did he simply block the memory out and replace it himself? Both possibilities fill her heart with a pang of immense sadness and instantly she becomes nauseous. 

"Please...no. Don't...make...me..."

She desperately wills herself to snap out of the vision with no luck. Her mind is determined to make her an unwitting spectator to the killing she knew was inevitable.

After what seemed like an eternity, Eleanor returned carrying a metal bucket full of water and a cloth and seeing Gaius in his true form, she froze. Seconds later she dropped the bucket and as the water spilled out across the floor she let out a shrill scream. 

This seemed to enthuse him even more. “I like it when you scream, it makes your demise more entertaining.”

“Why? Why are you doing this?” the young woman cried.

“You have what I need...what I crave. Quite simply a means to an end. Although I will admit, this is more than a normal hunt for me. See, what I desire of your husband, the grand future I envision...it, unfortunately, requires that you meet your demise. Both of you.”

The meaning hit Eleanor the same time it reaches Isabel. The latter can only manage a few groans in protest, for the memory takes more of her energy as it grows in intensity.

As Gaius’s glowing red eyes bore into his victim, Eleanor’s gaze moved towards the bedroom and started moving near it protectively.

"I do not think that will help you," he told her menacingly.

"Please, I beg of you!" she sobbed, tears streaming down her face. "Do not harm my son!"

A sinister laugh echoed throughout the entire cabin. “No can do. Blood from the young has always been a particular...delicacy of mine. And more importantly, there is nothing you can do to stop me."

The hunger that he had been restraining came to the surface at once and baring his fangs, the vampire made his move. In a flash, Gaius traversed the gap between them and forcibly grabbed Eleanor, pinning her to the ground hard.

"Hhhhhh….," Isabel whimpered, the vision manifesting itself physically--a painful electric current of remembrance running through her.  

She wants to make it stop but it’s too strong for her to resist. And so she writhes in agony as the horrific scene plays out. 

Gaius began the slow and merciless assault, tearing into Eleanor's thigh causing her to scream in pain. Soon, her cries were mixed with the fearful wailing from Charles in the open bedroom behind her. He made his way up her body leaving a crimson red trail in his path. Eventually, Eleanor began to quiet as she hovered on the brink of consciousness, a purposeful tactic by Gaius to draw out the suffering before he went for the kill.

Eleanor's weakened gaze came to rest on the wooden ceiling above. There was no longer fear in her eyes, but an overwhelming sadness having resigned herself to her fate.

"A-Adrian I-I am sorry I...could not...protect him," she stammered, her breathing labored from the gaping wounds all over her torso and legs. "Please...know that I...love you...and will wait for you...to join me...once more...soon. Yet if you...somehow survive...do not...dwell on me...on us. Move on...live...tis quite alright with me."

Gaius appeared to be enjoying his victim's last dying words. Of course, he could have left her like that, with the amount of blood still coming out, she would certainly die from that alone. But that was not what he wanted, he wanted to decide exactly when she would take her last breath.  

Soon his impatience and insatiable thirst overtook his love of dramatics. He rose, his greedy eyes honing in on her exposed neck. The only part of her left untouched.

"At last...," he said softly, petting her hair with a blood-soaked hand as she sputtered and gasped beneath him. Then, he hissed and sank his sharp teeth right into her carotid, eliciting an ear-splitting scream from her as he continued to tear her apart.

Isabel cries out hysterically, her body continuing to spasm in blistering pain as Eleanor inevitably began to weaken until she fell limp in Gaius's arms, drained and mutilated. He stood up and left her there, lying in a giant pool of her own blood. He wiped his face which was stained red and moved methodically, coldly towards the open bedroom behind the mother who died trying to protect it. 

"No...please..."

Again, the Bloodkeeper's pleas are useless and the vision follows Gaius's bloodsoaked footsteps. She saw little Charles, still wailing profusely. And her heart shatters when she figures out why. From the crib, there was a decent view of Eleanor's body. Lifeless and drowning in red puddles and smears.

"Ch-charlie..." Her words barely intelligible, the shooting pain still running through her.

She saw Gaius approach the young boy and the look in his eyes was of pure thirst. He wasn't going to draw it out this time. He quickly grabbed the terrified toddler and immediately he sank into the child’s tiny neck. 

"NO!!!!!"

A guttural sob erupts as Isabel watches Charlie's shrieking violently stops. The intense burn that shoots through her is almost unbearable. 

"Isabel! Wake up! Isabel!"

Lily. 

The voice interjects through, calling to her. In a flash of bright white, she’s ripped out of the memory. Gasping, she finds herself still on the couch in her apartment where she was when the vision took hold, the blistering pain slowly turning into tiny electric tingles. As her eyes adjust she sees her best friend standing over her fretfully. 

“Iz! What happened? Are you okay?”

Isabel shakes her head, still sobbing profusely. 

“Please, let me forget!” she begs. A few weeks earlier, she had started to remember what her visions contained and this one joins the mental archive. It only takes seconds for this latest memory to implant itself for good. "No...it...it's real!" 

As soon as she speaks, an overwhelming wave of nausea hits her, the haunting images making her physically repulsed. She sprints to the bathroom just in time to reach the toilet. 

Vaguely she hears Lily come in after her. "Isabel?! You’re scaring me, what's going on?”

"He...he killed them! That lying, bastard," she exclaims her voice raspy as her face twists in anger before she turns and throws up once more. 

Before her friend can ask any more questions, a loud, persistent knock sounds and she springs up to go answer it. “Thank God you’re here, I didn’t know what else to do!”

“It’s alright, my last meeting just got out when you called. Where is she?” Kamilah demands, rushing into the small apartment. 

“In here!”

Her friend quickly leads the council member to the bathroom. Her eyes fall on Isabel and she freezes, frowning in concern. “Oh my. What happened?” 

“I-I don’t know!” Lily stammers. "When she came out of it, she was hysterical. I think she saw something. Something that obviously disturbed her.” 

“A memory?” Kamilah asks. 

Isabel opens her mouth to speak but, as soon as she does, her head starts to throb painfully and she nods with a wince. “Adrian’s family...I saw them. Oh god, where...where is he?”

“In Cambodia...he doesn’t get back until tonight remember?” Lily replies, her brows creasing. 

In her delirium, Isabel remembers chatting with him that morning. After a second her face pales impossibly more than it already has and another round of heaving starts, but nothing besides spit comes out. At this point, it’s all mental.

Groaning she leans against the cool porcelain, beginning to shake uncontrollably. “He--he doesn’t know! What really happened to them...o-or he...he can’t remember.”

“What do you mean?” Kamilah tilts her head slightly, brows creasing. 

Isabel’s face suddenly became flush with anger. “They weren’t killed by the British! Eleanor...she let him in...he was wearing a patriot uniform.”

Both vampires stare at her in shock. 

“Did you recognize who it was?”

She nods at them, her jaw clenched. She hesitates, not wanting to speak it into existence, knowing that it will be painful. 

“Isabel...tell me. Who was it?”

The assistant meets her equally intense stare. 

“Gaius.”

Lily’s mouth falls open. 

Meanwhile, Kamilah’s eyes widen, a mixture of sadness, fear, and anger all converging at once. “You’re sure?” she whispers. 

“Positive,” Isabel answers almost immediately. ”I've seen him in visions before, I know what he used to look like.” 

As soon as the words leave her mouth, Kamilah is up, fishing her phone out of her suit’s pocket. 

“Kamilah? What are you do--?” Lily wonders before being cut off.

She holds up a finger as the person on the other end picks up. “Brother, we have a problem. You need to come back now.”

...

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Hidden Gems of the Silver Screen (And, to a Lesser Extent, the Telly)

It can’t have escaped your notice that the majority of my more recent posts (and fuck knows I’m not posting regularly at the moment) are about movies and TV. The reason for that is pretty simple: 2019 has, surprisingly, yielded some great movies and TV... and also some really torrid shite. On the one hand, films like Ma, Brightburn and The Perfection continue to breathe new life into the horror genre. On the other hand, sci-fi as a cinematic and televised thing continues to ignore its actual audience in favour of sniffing its own farts in a sound-proof chamber designed specifically for next-level virtue-signalling. One thing I will say about the dreck of 2019 is that it’s interesting dreck, at least so far. Another Life, for example, isn’t just bad: it’s mind-bogglingly, fascinatingly bad, as though someone set out to make the worst TV series imaginable and accidentally created a portal to another dimension made entirely of crap.

With all the amazingly wonderful and transifxingly terrible visual media on offer lately, it’s easy to forget that there’s a rich repository of films and TV series from just a few years ago that you’ve probably never watched. You see if you, like me, are a snooty, card-carrying member of the elitist intelligentsia, you probably missed films and TV series that looked dumb as soup on the surface on the grounds that they weren’t worth your time. Luckily for you, I’ve dived nose-first into the detritus of our dying culture, so you don’t have to, and I’ve ferreted out the diamonds from the pig-swill. Without further ado, I’d therefore like to present my list Easily Overlooked Gems.

1. Mandy The phrase “Nicholas Cage stars in a sword-and-sorcery rape/revenge thriller” does not inspire confidence. It’s therefore easy to ignore Mandy and the promptly forget it ever existed. Which is a shame, because it’s kind of a work of genius. The plot is exactly what you’d expect: a cult kidnaps, rapes and kills Cage’s girlfriend, Mandy, and Cage sets out on a mission of revenge culminating in a blood-bath. The nature of the revenge quest is what puts a sting in the film’s tail- or tale, if you’re feeling puntastic. You see, a lot of the bad guys exist in a constant hallucinatory haze after taking a drug that sent them mad after one dose. In order to fight on their level, Cage has to take a dose too. As a result, the world around him slowly but surely transforms into a nightmare landscape that looks like a cross between a D&D illustration and the cover of a heavy metal album and his grubby, personal mission of fury takes on the unmistakable resonance of a Conan-esque hero’s quest. By the end of the film, you have to wonder if Cage has actually slipped into some sort of alternate dimension or if he’s just lost his game-pieces completely. In places, it’s nearly as painful to watch as Landmine Goes Click (crikey, there’s one for the history buffs) but it looks and feels like Beyond the Black Rainbow. Worth your attention just because of how weird it is. I give it a solid four-out-five decapitated rapists.

2. Baby Driver Nothing about Baby Driver suggested it would be a good film: the way it was advertised as a car-chase movie trying to be cute; the stupid title; the fact that it came and went through cinemas like a fart in the night. Which is a shame, because it’s secretly brilliant. It’s a highly stylised crime film populated with the archest archetypes money can buy (to the point where some of the dialogue has a weirdly beat-poetic feel to it). It’s saturated colour palette and off-beat affect actually have something of a full-colour Jim Jarmusch flick about them. The hook, of course, is that the lead character (only ever referred to as Baby, because he’s got a punchably youthful face) has tinnitus and therefore has to listen to music constantly to drown at the buzzing in his head. The practical upshot of this is that a) every single scene is overlayed with surprisingly great and situationally appropriate music and b) he goes through life like he’s always dancing, so his way of moving lends to the film’s easy-going sense of flow. It also explains where his preternatural driving skills come from (I mean, not really, but within the context of the plot): he’s used to sliding effortlessly into patterns and rhythms because of the music thing. All of this could make a terrible film, of course, but execution is everything and, to everyone’s surprise, especially mine, this flick was executed with an astonishing level of panache. I rate it ten out of ten grizzly motor way pile ups.

3. Nightflyers It’s not just films that get overlooked as the tide of culture washes back and forth, like a great big sea of effluent. TV series also vanish unduly into the dustbin of history. Case in point, the criminally underappreciated Nighrflyers: Netflix pre-Another Life sci-fi offering that was actually good. It’s a pretty classic set-up: a group of mismatched wing-nuts on a spaceship, all of whom have secrets that that will threaten to tear them apart while they try to make contact with an alien life-form. What elevates Nightflyers is just how fuck-uped the cast are. There’s an angry British psychic whose spent his whole life in captivity in case he goes full Scanners on somebody’s head, a guy who only ever appears as a hologram for reasons too twisted to explain here, his evil mother whose uploaded her mind to the ship’s computer and gone batshit crazy, a genetic superbeing and a hacker who can send her mind into computers via a dodgy implant and who may or may not be drifting out of touch with the human condition. It’s great. 6 and half billion out of 7 billion monkeys, boiling in the void.

4. Hardcore Henry No, I don’t know who thought that title was a good idea either, but the point is that Hardcore Henry has no motherfucking right to kick as much arse as it does. It was clearly made on a budget that would embarrass a Youtube shampoo commercial, but it just flat-out rocks. Shot entirely in first-person, it follows the adventures of a mute cyborg as he seeks revenge against the bastard psychic entrepreneur who first built him then tried to kill him. Along the way, his main ally is a dude who keeps dying and coming back to life in a series of identical bodies but with radically different personalities and haircuts (this is eventually explained, but I’m not going to spoil it for you). It’s premise is demented, it’s surprisingly well-choreographed and its soundtrack is an aphrodisiac for your ears. Also, Tim Roth is in it, so that’s just yer seal of quality right there. It came out to a lot of fanfare and many, many cinema trailers back in the day and was then promptly forgotten about as soon as it launched. So I’m dragging it kicking and screaming back into the limelight. It’s on Netflix right now, so go watch it. I rate it a solid 11 out of 15 creepy duplicates of Tim Roth.

5. Upgrade Another lesser-known film about a cyborg. Unlike Henry, however, this cyborg’s life doesn’t so much ‘rock’ as ‘suck balls’. He gets crippled and then ends up with a sentient computer chip in his head that allows him to remote-control his own body despite not having a working spine anymore. Naturally, his experimental tech attracts the attention of some unsavoury characters and he and his brain-chip have to work together to figure out what’s going on, often through a series of ultra-violent, gory fight-scenes that horrify the protagonist himself. Of course, all might be well, except that the head-chip is a homicidal little shit that clearly has its own agenda. I give it at least 0000 0111 out of 0000 1001 painstakingly restored vintage kill-bots.

6. The Tick The Tick isn’t as overlooked as everything else on this list, especially since there have been a couple of previous televised incarnations of the franchise to lay the groundwork. However, I still feel like the modern iteration doesn’t quite get the love it deserves, so I’m throwing it out here. Following the adventures a mad, amnesiac and possibly stupid superhero and his neurotic sidekick, The Tick explores a world where superheroes aren’t the paragons of good from classic comics, the corrupt psychotics of The Boys or Watchmen, or the eternally struggling, walking moral life-lessons of modern cinema. Instead, they’re just ordinary people operating at various levels of competence/incompetence and mental illness and working within a bureaucratic, wildly inefficient framework. That might not sound like a recipe for a successful TV series, but it really is. Drawing out the mundane, human side of heroes and villains against the backdrop of cataclysmic, civilisation-threatening events makes for infinitely compelling and very, very funny viewing. It’s kind of doing for the superhero genre what Futurama did for sci-fi a few years back. It’s also where the phrase and/or popular song ‘seven billion monkeys boiling in the void’ comes from. My rating is four out of five sapient, homosexual boats (which will make sense when you watch it).

7. The Void Amid the high-budget horror extravaganzas of recent years, it’s easy to forget about the void, which feels like the best story H.P. Lovecraft never wrote and looks like David Chronenberg tried to adapt a Heironimous Bosch painting... in the ‘80s. The actual plot concerns a group of people getting trapped in a hospital by murderous cultists and discovering dark secrets and, arguably, a whole other dimension in its basement. You’re not exactly there for the plot though: The Void is a mood-piece and an exercise in visual FX craftsmanship. You’re there to drink in the atmosphere and see what each new cosmic horror looks like. I am delighted to award it ten out of ten unspeakable whisperers in the darkness. That’s enough for two barbershop quartets, an emcee and a supporting act.

8. Happy Death Day It’s Groundhog Day but as a horror film starring a really annoying lass in her late teens has to keep dying horribly until she learns to stop being such a terrible person... and also kill her murderer with a little help from her newly-minted, non-cunty friend. There’s a sequel that I haven’t seen yet, but the original is a low-key, oft-overlooked delight. I give it 9 out of 11 suspiciously similar corpses.

[amazingmsme]

Down and Under

AN: This is the third fic in my saf fake interrogation series. You don’t have to have read the other two in order to get this fic, but it might help you understand some references. Here’s Mission Gone Right and Round and Round if you want to read them! Hope you enjoy!

WARNINGS: Mentions of animal trafficking, torture techniques, British jokes

Ever since Owen had pulled the little spinning wheel knife stunt, Curt had been itching for revenge. Owen still rubbed it in his face when they saw each other, and his hair had only just grown out to normal. He had ended up having to get a buzzcut to even out where Owen had chopped off a fist full of his hair like a damn trophy. He was tempted to do the same to him, but Owen was even more obsessed with his hair than he was. He might literally mount his head on his wall if he did that, so he'd have to get his kicks another way.

He was ecstatic when he found out he and Owen would be busting an underground drug and exotic animal smuggling ring and saw his chance to enact his revenge. Cynthia had told him he probably wouldn't see Owen since he was handling the drugs and Curt himself was in charge of finding the animal cages and taking down anyone who got in his way. He always had a way with animals, and it had come in handy on more than one occasion. But he figured once he located the animals, it wouldn't hurt if he also tracked down Owen to, help him with his task. 

Curt pressed himself against the side of the building, creeping closer to the door to knock out the guards. According to the mission briefing, Owen was supposed to already be inside the hanger where they were loading planes with cocaine and opioids. Curt had a sneaking suspicion they were either keeping the animals in either the warehouse or barn, or maybe even both depending on how many they had.

Curt snuck up on the two men and hit a pressure point on one guard's neck, sending him to the ground in instant slumber. The other one aimed his rifle at Curt, and he swiftly yanked it from his grasp and slammed the butt of the gun on his forehead, knocking him unconscious. He tied them up before dragging them to his truck and chucking them in the back. The agency would take them into custody and deal with them from there.

Inside the warehouse was dark and empty. Too empty... Something must've happened to draw their attention away from their posts because there's no reason a building this big would be so empty. He walked down a flight of stairs and found rows of cages and crates containing wild animals, the calls and snorts echoing through the metal building. He had his gun at the ready just in case he were to encounter someone else.

He passed by a cage he thought was empty, but erupted with manic laughter that scared the shit out of him. He pointed his gun, fully expecting to see a mad man ready to fight but was instead met with a hyena cackling in the corner. He walked throughout the building tallying all the animals and keeping track of what was where. He made his way towards the barn, and got a sick feeling when there weren't any guards their either. But it was in the middle of the night and it was a small operation, so he hoped they just didn't have many people on site.

He snuck in through a back door and just like the warehouse, the air was alive with the sounds of animals in distress. They paced their small cells, some just giving up completely and laying down. He was about to leave and call Cynthia on his watch and tell her where the animals were. She'd send in the animal control team to rescue and relocate them so they wouldn't have to live this shitty life anymore.

He was walking down the middle isle when a small lump caught his eye. At first he didn't pay it any mind but then it started moving and he gasped. A little joey started making its way towards him, and he looked over his shoulder to check no one was there before he knelt down and picked it up. It was small, definitely too small to be without its mom. And he knew enough about kangaroos to know that a baby this young shouldn't be out of a pouch. It tried to burrow closer to his body, and he felt his heart melt. He picked up a tote bag and let him crawl inside, slinging the strap over his shoulder and supporting the joey's weight with his arm. He still felt like something wasn't right and made his way to the hanger and snuck in.

It wasn't pretty. It looked like a massacre, blood and bodies strewn across the floor. Curt counted about 26. Looks like things got a little messy for Owen. Oh well, he'd rather he not be the one to get chewed out by his boss, but that still didn't tell him where Owen was. He heard a noise in the next room and ducked behind a small plane. A man walked out and grabbed a few things: rope, pliers, a whip, Curt knew what that meant. And he could bet he knew the British agent he planned to use it on.

He crept along silently and peaked inside the room he had just left and lo and behold, there was Owen, tied to a chair and unconscious. He drew his gun  and hid behind the door, waiting for him to come back in, and when he did, he pulled the trigger. The bullet hit the back of his head and he fell to the ground. He drug the body out of the room before glancing back at his unconscious friend and smirked to himself. Since that part was already done, he might as well get his revenge and have a good time.

He stripped one of the bodies and used their clothes as a disguise so that Owen wouldn't recognize him straight away. He pulled the red bandana over his nose to conceal his face and pulled his Akubra lower, casting his face in shadow. He gently placed the bag with the joey in the corner for him to keep an eye on. He checked his watch, and he had all the time in the world if he wanted. Cynthia told him to take however long he needed to find the animals and help Owen with his part of the mission if he finished early. He considered this helping.

He grabbed the short whip off the ground and stood back, raising his hand in the air and bringing it down fast with a loud crack. Owen jerked awake with a gasp and struggled in his bonds before narrowing his eyes at Curt.

He opened his mouth and spoke with a thick Australian accent. "'Ello sleepy head. Nice to see you're awake." When he got no response, he took a step forward. "Looks like you had a lotta fun with my men out there. Now if ya don't mind, I'd like to have me own fun."

"Be my guest, I was getting quite bored," Owen drawled, an amused and cocky smirk plastered on his face. God he wanted to smack it off. Then he remembered: he could. He delivered a nasty backhand to his right cheek, and Owen chuckled.

"You hit like a bitch."

"Why do you think I have so many tools mate?" Now it was Curt who was smirking seeing the fleeting look of fear pass over his friend's face. He grabbed the large bowie knife from his belt and yanked Owen forward by the collar of his shirt. He reeled his head back, a rough gurgling sound coming from the back of his throat before leaning up again and launched a loogie in Curt's face. Thankfully it landed on the bandana, and he laughed.

"Shouldn't a done that." He took the knife and slowly sliced open Owen's kaki shirt, watching each button as it popped off. He applied just enough pressure to break the skin, leaving a pencil thin line of blood on his chest, but not hard enough to do any real damage. He stepped back to admire his bare chest, slowly rising and falling with steady, even breaths.

"Now tell me, what all do you know about us?"

"Well obviously I know where your base is," he quipped. Curt rolled his eyes and grabbed the large bucket of ice water. He splashed him with it and relished how Owen sputtered and shivered. Revenge was a dish best served cold after all. "I also know I killed a good bit of your men-"

"Enough!" He threw more of the freezing water in his face. Owen shook his head like a dog trying to dry himself off since he couldn't wipe his face. "I don't like your cocky tone, so I'm gonna set you straight."

"Pft, that won't work-" Okay Curt had to hand it to him, that one was pretty good. The fact that he winked at him didn't help either, and now Curt wondered if he had him figured out. Regardless, he still had more tricks up his sleeve. After all, most of the fun in their little game came from playing along with the other's antics.

"What do you know about the drug smugglin' operation?" He made a show of cracking the whip again. Owen smirked and met his eyes, "Everything. And I'll have you know I've already alerted my men, and they're already on their way. You'll be surrounded within the hour," he bluffed.

"Well then, I better get busy shouldn't I?" Curt took a step back, putting enough distance between himself and Owen so that the whip would sting but wouldn't cut deep into his skin. He barely even flinched each time it bit into his skin. Curt admired his bare chest, seeing the small red whelps start to rise.

A small rustling sound made him look in the corner and he saw the little joey crawl out of the sack. Owen looked over and gasped.

"Where the bloody hell did that thing come from?" he asked incredulously.

"That's none a your bloody business!" he hissed, gingerly picking him up. He got a devilish idea and tugged the bandana down so that Owen could see his evil grin. "Y'know, this fella's gonna grow up nice an' strong. A full grown kangaroo can disembowel a predator in a fight, but they're more well known for their kicks." Curt shifted his hold from a cradling position in favor of holding his sides underneath the armpits. Even though he was a baby, he was still pretty heavy and Curt's arms were getting tired. He was much easier to hold in the sack.

Apparently he wasn't a fan of the new technique and started squirming: perfect. Owen's legs were tied to each of the front legs of the chair, leaving him wide open. Curt brought the kangaroo closer and just as he planned, it kicked his square in the balls. Owen let out a loud groan and doubled forward as best as he could. The joey delivered another swift kick before Curt pulled away and took him back to the bag.

"In ya go lil guy, good work," he praised. He turned back to Owen, who was still recovering. He was having a great time, but knew he should start to wrap it up. He glanced at the coiled rope by his foot then back at Owen. Well, let's just say it wouldn't be the first time he choked him.

"Last chance mate. You wanna tell me what you know?" he said, crouching in front of him. Owen slammed their skulls together, and Curt brought his hand up to rub his forehead. He was even more excited to do this after that.

He unwound the rope and stood behind him. "Better take a deep breath mate. You're gonna need it." Before Owen could undeniably make some smart ass remark, Curt wrapped it around his throat and pulled back. He used the perfect amount of pressure that he knew Owen liked. He held for a few more seconds before letting the rope go slack. Owen gasped, and Curt leaned over his shoulder and whispered.

"Enjoying yourself Carvour?"

His face was flushed from lack of breath and embarrassment.

"How'd you know I like being choked?"

"You of all people should know personal history has its benefits," he said with a flourish, taking off his hat and shoving it on Owen's, rubbing it harshly to thoroughly mess up his hair. Based on his expression, he knew he would bat his hand away if he wasn't tied to the chair.

"Curt Mega you sly dog, I'd know that ass anywhere," he teased. Curt scoffed, "Really? My ass is what gave it away?"

"Well you hid your face so well I that I could barely tell it was you, barely."

Curt rolled his eyes, "Yeah I'm not like you," he said, beginning to untie him. Owen furrowed his brows, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Curt smirked, "That jaw's a dead give away," he gently grabbed his chin. Owen jerked his head away.

"You ass, you know I'm sensitive about that."

Curt finished untying him and cupped his face, "I meant it as a compliment. It makes you unique." Owen tried to bite his hand and he yanked it away.

"You sure enjoyed doing a number to me," he mused, brushing himself off and lightly slapping Curt's arm. "Loved the accent though, very sexy."

Curt shrugged, "Well Australian is just a sexier version of British." Owen pulled him a bit closer and growled, "I'll make you take that back."

"I'll look forward to it. But first we should probably get out of here." Owen sighed, "You're right. I will say, the kangaroo was a surprise. Where'd you find him?"

"He was out of his cage and needed a pouch, so I put him in that bag and brought him with me," he explained, walking over and picking him back up. He gently bounced him in his arms. He's a kangaroo, it should be comforting, right? Owen smiled at him.

"You really are just a big softie aren't you?" he teased. Curt narrowed his eyes, "Careful, or I just might let him kick you in the balls again." Now it was his turn to smirk as the smile fell from Owen's face. Curt called Cynthia as they made their way outside.

"Mega, it's about damn time I heard from you."

"You're the one who said to take my time," he justified. Cynthia frowned.

"Yes, but if I'd known you'd be so fucking slow I would've told you to get your ass in gear! Now where are they keeping the animals?"

"In both the barn and the warehouse, looks like there's just over a hundred."

"Alright, I'll send the animal control unit in and you can head back to base."

Owen shoved his head next to Curt's so that his face could be seen by the watch's camera, "Why don't you show her your cute little pet?" Curt made a motion to tell him to shut up, but Cynthia cut him off.

"What the fuck is he talking about Mega?"

"First of all, it's not that bad and I was going to tell you as soon as I saw you, but I found a little joey without its mom, so I let it climb in this sack," he explained. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose before taking a long drag from her cigarette.

"Let me see it." Curt furrowed his brow in confusion, "What?"

"Baby kangaroos are cute as fuck, let me see it!" she ordered. Curt scrambled to fold down the opening of the bag, showing her the sleeping joey. She placed a hand over her heart and a warm smile was plastered on her face. "God that's cute. But we'll put it in an animal rehab center where someone actually qualified can care for it."

Curt nodded, "That's for the best. And just a warning, things got a bit messy on Owen's end, and I wanted to make sure you knew I had no part in it." Owen smacked him on the back of the head, and he snickered. "You should've seen it; it looked like the Boston Massacre!"

"Is that a Brit joke?" Owen asked in shock the same time as Cynthia threw her head back in laughter.

"That's a good one Curt, remind me to tell Susan, he'll get a kick out of it!" She took another puff from her cigarette, "Yeah they sure do love staining everything as red as their coats," she joked at his expense, and Curt laughed along with her. "Hey Owen," she said, gaining his attention.

"Yes dear?" he asked, slight annoyance in his voice. "What's a British person's favorite restaurant?" She didn't give him a chance to answer before she spoke again. "Red Lobster. Get it?" Owen nodded, staring at the ground. Damnit, that was a pretty good one. "There should be a team arriving in a half hour, after that you can leave." Curt nodded and turned off his watch.

"She's always more pleasant over the comms." When over didn't answer he looked over at him and was met with a hard glare.

"Oh c'mon you know we're only joking! We love you posh bastards! We're American, we can't help making British jokes," he defended.

"Oh shut up and shove a cheeseburger down your gob." Curt chuckled and slung an arm over his shoulder. He felt accomplished, and he knew he couldn't wait to see what Owen had up his sleeve next.

[mickeyforrealz]

Night Terrors - Part 11

Part 10 and Part 1

-

Chase knows where he is the second his ass crashes into the carpeted floor.

It was that god damn hallway.

Everything was bathed in red. The light glowed through the house, Stacy's house. The kids lived there most of the time.

Brody stumbled to a standing position. He didn't want to be here. Anywhere but here. Panic began to overtake him as he ran forward. All thought of the other Septic Egos was gone as he focused on the most important thing ever.

His children.

Chase moves towards that awful room. He can still hear Sammy calling out in her small voice. He saw the doorway. It's no longer had the silhouette of that... bastard, but it was still scary.

The trickshooter walks into the room. His eyes dart around, still not adjusted to the sharp shadows of his surroundings.

That's when the small bodies on the floor become noticeable.

Chase screams in anguish as he realizes who the bodies belong to. The sounds he begins to make are inhuman as he collapses to the floor. He drags both of the small corspes closer to him so that he can hug them close and screech their names into the dark abis of a room.

Sammy and Earl's glassy eyes stare up at their father, the limp bodies he holds belonging to the only things he can never lose.

-

Jackieboy Man doesn't recognize the city he's in. All he knows is that it's burning.

Everything is on fire.

The superhero jumps in the air, using his one un-stereotypical super power. He manipulated the air to become hard, as if an invisible platform was appearing under him. He bounces off of it, leaping to a nearby building.

My god, it was so red.

The heat radiates from the city. He knows he can withstand it better than most, but he can feel his skin heat as he leaps to another building. The second his feet touch it, the roof collapses, the stability of the apartment complex completely gone.

Jackie lands on his feet. He jumps up and races through the building. He opens doors to rooms and helps whoever he can. A small boy here, a middle aged woman there. He flings an unconscious janitor over his shoulder as he herds people towards an exit. They speed out of the burning building. Jack hugs the janitor close, his hold on them slipping.

The exit signs blares green, a contrast to the red fire. Everyone is full of so much hope, so much want to live....

Which ripped if ripped away from them as wood pillars and concrete fall on either sides of them, crushing several people and trapping the rest.

JBM drops the janitor to the ground and attempts to remove the rubble, but he yelps as blisters form on his hands. It was to hot.

He looks to the ceiling, swearing. He leaps up and grabs a loose support beam, but his weight causes it to come loose. He tumbles to the ground.

All the superhero can hear is screams as people rush around him, cuddling their loved ones and mourning the ones who just died. He curls into a ball.

Accusations are thrown at him as he weeps.

"NOT A HERO!!"

"IT'S YOUR FAULT WE'RE GOING TO DIE HERE".

"You are nothing!"

Jackieboy Man weeped as humans burned around him. His funny and chill persona dropped as his broken interior became his exterior.

-

I knew where I was the second I rolled onto the hard concrete.

You can't forget a place that made you a monster.

Anti's realm was a pocket dimension. Too small to attract attention from cosmic entities, yet big enough to torture all of his favourite puppets.

I cautiously walked down the cemented hallway. Anti had wanted his realm to be a maze, with many rooms to stick his play mates in. I looked to the metal doors, the iron almost rusted shut. I didn't see any activity in this hallway. I moved to the next one, knowing the forever changing layout like the back of my hand. I looked to the room marked "Dr good dead Doctor".

Schneep rushed around the room, doing what looked to be a surgery. Except the tools were fake, just children's toys, while he did the operation on a stuffed mannequin. I watched in slight disgust as he did heart compressions. He checked the heart monitor.

"NURSE!! I NEED ZE DEFIBRILLATOR! NURSE!" He screamed. "Jackaboy, it vill be okay. I need you to stahp being a little bitch baby." He continued to try to save a fake friend. "Nurse!!"

I yanked on the door, only to see it welded shut. I could see the tears leaking from Henrik's eyes. I tried again as I realized what Anti was doing.

Seeing my attempts useless, I continued down the hallway. I saw a room for Chase, who sat on the floor, clutching two blood red mannequins in an empty room. Noticing the shapes of the dolls, I gagged. His children? How could anyone be so-?

I marched to another door, rage boiling in my chest. Jackie was curled in a ball with immobile mannequins staring at him. He sobbed from the floor. Condensation was collecting on the glass, giving me the impression that the room was hot.

I slammed my fist in anger as I watched the hero break. Anti. That evil fucker.

I was about to leave the hallway before I saw the last door. It was wide open, the accompaniment free to leave.

I gazed into the room, horrified.

Jameson sat in a chair, his hands covered in red. I glanced to the corner to see piles of empty ketchup bottles. Props. That's all it was.

Jamie stared at the floor, a cardboard knife in his hands. Several dolls laid around the room, all on their sides. Some were missing limbs while others had huge holes torn into them, as if someone had ripped them open with their bare hands. I tapped on JJ, who didn't make eye contact as he spoke.

"I love this game." I let out a small gasp as I heard his voice. It was British, from no particular part of Britain, as if it was what someone thought the accent sounded like. He sounded hoarse, and his tone was excited.

"It's not real, Jackson", I said quietly. He didn't acknowledge me as he continued speaking.

"I love being a little puppet. Oh yes, it's so much fun! That don't feel any pain anymore! I can't hear theį̴ŗ͞ ͜҉͠t̶i̕n̛y͏̕,̕͞ ̨̧̨a̷͠ņ̵n͘͟o͏̶͘y̡̧in͏͡g ̶̀͜v͜͝ơ͢͝i̴͏̛ce̶̕s̵̡ ҉scr̢̨e͏̡ec̕h͘ ̡̢í̕n f̡e͢à̷͘r̵." He voice became glitchy, and I saw him. Anti. I saw him in our mute boy's eyes.

"Jameson! It's not real!" I shouted. He was scaring me.

He head snapped to look at me, his face contorting into an evil grin.

"Bưţ̷ ̧́͝i̷t̴ ̀i̢ś͏,̡̛ ̛i̛f̀͡ ̀͟͝i͏t̢̀͠'̕s ͟a̢l̶l͝ ̡i̕҉n̴̕ ̕y̧o̢͡u̢͘͢r̛͝ ͘҉mi͝n̵̡d̷̨͠.͏"

-

@mimiloverfox @xtracheesy @e-m-y-m-o @watermelonsinmyattic

[jflashandclash]

Traitors of Olympus IV: Fall of the Sun

Twenty-Four: Thalia

Bug’s Unfriendly Neighbors

             Axel’s family canoe was a few feet from the Red River. Before any discussion could happen, Axel got into a pushup position with the canoe’s back end as a hand rest. Reyna shoved him slightly to the side, taking position beside him.

           He grinned at her.

           With a grunt, they took a step forward, pushing the canoe towards the water.

           Calex and Thalia raced to the front of the boat to help drag it, though walking backwards felt disorienting. From her days at Camp Half-Blood, she was pretty sure you weren’t supposed to put a canoe in water like this, but this canoe also looked as heavy as Mrs. O’Leary.[1]

           “I don’t know if we can trust that rabbit,” Axel said through gritted teeth.

           “That, mate, is a sentence I didn’t think I’d ever hear,” Calex said.

           Thalia laughed, trying to ignore the massive weight of the canoe. Her foot splashed into the water.

           She glanced back and felt her throat constrict.

           Normally, her grey combat boots were caked with mud. The blood had slopped up her grey and slate pants, smattering them with stains.

           “Thalia, Calex, get into the canoe,” Axel instructed.

           Thalia didn’t know what was wrong with her. She’d been in battle. She’d hunted (though, granted, mostly monsters that turned to dust). She had been around blood.

           But, when her foot stepped into the squishy shoreline, the magnitude of the river, with its vast expanse of dark, viscous liquid, seemed to draw her forward. There was no way of knowing this river’s depth. It could have continued downward for miles, or had a shallow layer of bodies between it and the coagulated blood at the bottom.

           Thalia shuddered. She couldn’t get her lips to form a protest against Axel.

           “Lieutenant,” Reyna said softly.

           Thalia shook her head. She kicked her boot at the dirt, though the tinted-pink ground did little to remove the blood. “I’m fine,” she snapped.

           After one more attempt to clean her boot, Thalia hopped into the canoe without further fight. The front two feet of the canoe were in the liquid. She hesitated, realizing someone was going to have to stand in the river to push them fully offshore.

           Calex immediately hopped in beside her, seeming relieved that her compliance made his okay. “You sure, mate?” he said warily. His eyes locked on the dark liquid.

           In response, Axel and Reyna continued to push the boat. Calex and Thalia sat down, grabbing the paddles. The front end began to float, and the immensity of the river appeared to grow the further the canoe went in.

           When Axel and Reyna reached the river’s edge, Axel paused and nodded. “I would hate to rust your grieves, Praetor.”

           Reyna snorted. Despite looking pale in the sickly turquoise glow of the jungle, she gave him a grin and whispered something in Spanish.

           He quipped a response.

           They took the last step together, both their ankles submerging in the Red River. Thalia waited to see if hands would rise up to snatch them.

           Nothing happened.

           Other than her stomach turning at the overwhelming, metallic smell.

           “What did they say?” she whispered to Calex.

           He averted his grey eyes shamefully and quoted in cadence:

           “What kind of praetor would I be,

           If the monsters I fight show more bravery than me?”

           With a lighter voice, he continued, “She was mocking how he spoke earlier. And Axel responded, ‘You’re sounding more and more Mayan each day.’”

           Thalia took a second to realize the monster Reyna was referring to was Axel, since Reyna had previously fought Axel as the Leonis Caput. By implying Reyna had to have the same bravery as Cat Breath, that meant Thalia and Calex were lacking. No one had ever questioned Thalia’s bravery before and she knew Reyna hadn’t directed the taunt at Calex and Thalia. Thalia wanted to get mad. However, there were now two things in her “nope” list: heights and rivers of blood. That seemed a respectable “nope” list.

           Axel bowed slightly to Reyna, holding the boat steady for her with one hand and offering her his other. “Praetor?”

           She said something harsh in Spanish, but accepted his hand. With her addition, the canoe rocked hard enough to make Calex grab the edge.

           Reyna helped Axel in right after. When they settled into the back, Thalia could see how their footprints left little blood splashes. Thalia felt nauseous when she registered all the previous blood splashes coating the bottom of the boat.

           Neither Reyna nor Axel looked down, and Thalia got the feeling they were pretending that none of it was there.

           Axel, Thalia, and Calex took up a natural stroke. The only one who needed a moment’s explanation was Reyna. As she put it, “Rome isn’t exactly known for its navy.”

           That seemed weird to Thalia. When the huntresses visited camp, they always competed against the campers in canoe races. The huntresses had traversed massive rivers in boats, their wolves sometimes sitting obediently, staring off in the distance, other times darting overboard after a fish.

           This ride was different. Each stroke felt like she was pushing her paddle through thick mud. Watching the blood drip off the edges of the paddle, into the foaming pink eddies underneath, made her stomach feel worse. The jungle seemed to go silent other than the slurp of their boat as it progressed further across the river.

           Blood is thicker than water. Thalia kept thinking about the last time she, Nico, and Percy went into the Underworld, how Melinoe pretended to be her mom, how she couldn’t do anything to fight the goddess. Melinoe was topside right now, but what if the goddess tricked her all over again once they got back up there?

           “Shall we sing a camp song?” Calex asked. His voice was tight.

           “No,” Axel said.

           “Maybe we should sing a camp song,” Thalia agreed.

           Axel sighed. “We’re not singing a song to praise the Greek Gods while rolling across a Mayan River with the former lieutenant of Kronos in the boat.”

           “Songs are good to boost a troop’s moral,” Reyna said.

           “Fine, we can sing Green Day,” Axel said.

           Calex made a noise of annoyance.

           Thalia would hit him with her paddle if he dared disagree with Axel’s band choice. However, she was too relieved the Brit had broken the silence to be mad at him for a poor taste in music.

The width of this river seemed to elongate with each stroke, leaving them dead center in a pool of blood. The further center they went, the turquoise hue of the sky stained it a deep wine color.

           Thalia wanted to check Axel’s watch, to make sure time was actually passing. Since she couldn’t get her voice to sing, she asked, “We’re out of Xibalba after we cross this river, right?”

           “From what Lapis explained to me—”

           “Your evil brother that drugged me and Merry?” Calex asked.

           “Yes,” Axel said, “She said rivers are liminal spaces. In-betweens. The river might fog over a bit, and we’ll end up in the closest substance in Tartarus.”

           “You don’t actually know,” Reyna said, sounding annoyed.

           “The trail of light I see in the Labyrinth with my true sight is the same thing that directs me through here. It stops a few yards ahead. The rivers probably switch over there.”

           As though on cue, the turquoise light dimmed above them, like someone had wrapped a black cloth over an invisible dome. Thalia paused in her strokes to pull a small lantern from her backpack. She didn’t want to draw unnecessary attention to the boat—maybe a giant catfish would splash up to swallow them—but the darkness was eerie, making the shoreline look like nothing but a mirage.

           “Uh, guys,” Calex said. He stopped rowing too and was looking up. Thalia followed his gaze.

           “Axel, are you telling me this detour was guess work?” Reyna was in the middle of asking, not hearing Calex’s concern.

           “The sky is moving,” Thalia said and felt immediately stupid for saying it that way. But, that’s what it was. The sky had darkened, but specks fluttered back and forth above, changing it from a soft glow to pitch blackness as they darted.

           Reyna and Axel stilled behind them.

           “The sun isn’t supposed to set,” Axel said. His voice shook.

           “OW!”

           The boat rocked when Calex swatted himself across the face.

           Something darted away from Calex and into the sky.

           “Sodding knobhead!” Calex snarled. He brandished his paddle towards the retreating blur, his other hand grabbing his face. “You come back here and I’ll take the piss out of you!”[2]

           “You get way more British when you’re mad,” Thalia whispered.

           “Shut it,” Calex said. “That complete dickhead took a knick out of my cheek.”

           When Thalia squinted, she could see blood seeping between his fingers. She swallowed, watching the blur fly up from the boat and smear into a swarm of entwining darkness in the sky.

           “Be quiet and be still,” Reyna commanded.

           The boat continued to rock for a moment after Calex silenced. The swarm looked like it was getting closer.

           “That’s Camazotz,” Axel said in his typical this-is-how-you-explain-everything-and-reveal-nothing. “This is bad.”

           Thalia didn’t need to ask what Camazotz was. She recognized the high pitch repetitive squeak that echoed across the river and the flight pattern of the flock above them.

           But, she thought their shadows looked big because they were far away. The closer they got, Thalia realized, they were much bigger.

           “They’re supposed to be in The House of Bats,” Axel said.

           “How did the heroes of the Popol Vuh defeat them?” Reyna asked. Thalia glanced over her shoulder and saw Reyna also estimating the distance between the shoreline and here. All of them knew the inevitable though: they could never make it back to shore before the swarm descended on them. Despite all of Thalia’s thinking the river would never end, they somehow made it to the half-way marker.

           She trembled at what Axel said earlier. The trail of light ends here.

           Axel puffed up his cheeks and popped them softly. “The hero twins didn’t. They hid. One of their heads got cut off and hung up on a tree by a ball court.”

           “Oh my gods,” Thalia hissed, “Is that why you told Reyna and I not to go near spitting fruit trees?!”

           “Different decapitated hero, but yes.” Axel set his paddle into the boat as quietly as he could. Reyna, Thalia, and Calex followed suit. “The head’s spit is fertile and… I—uh—didn’t want you to become the next Callisto.”[3]      

           “You can get PREGNANT from a decapitated head on a tree?!” she snapped. That seemed in the Necessary To Know category. As she fumed, she strung her bow. Calex reassembled his out of his pencil pouch.

           “You’re a daughter of Zeus. How are you surprised by ANY form of conception?” Axel whispered, though Thalia wasn’t sure why he bothered keeping quiet. The bats could probably detect the only boat in Xibalba that was dumb enough to cross the Red River.

           The squeaks were getting louder. The swarm looked denser and closer.

           “We need a plan,” Reyna said with a firm everybody-shut-up undertone. “A flock… How did Hercules slay the Stymphalian birds? He scared them with a rattle—and killed them with hydra blood?”

           “Fresh out of those,” Thalia grumbled.

           “Percy, Percy got them!” Calex cried, sounding hopeful for a split second, then breaking to disappointment. “He scared them to flight with Chiron’s music, then the Apollo archers picked them off. Those won’t help, and, uh, I hate to point out the obvious, mates, but we’re not winning a race back to shore against these blokes.”

           Judging from how much louder the chirping had become, Calex was correct.

           As the main bat, Camazotz, approached, his size became uncomfortably real.

           His wingspan was larger than an eighteen wheelers. The gleaming white boning in his wings glowed like an x-ray. His ears stretched out like two humans riders perched on either side of its head. Thalia really didn’t like that its fangs were visible from their boat, and, if she had to guess, they were longer than her body

           Thalia suddenly felt claustrophobic despite being in the middle of the outdoors. They were trapped. They weren’t equipped for this. And they didn’t have a plan.

           Then, the dark swarm blurred out the image of Camazotz.

           And the bats descended upon them.

Thanks for reading! i hope you enjoyed :D Tune in next week for, Thalia: I’d Rather Be in Tartarus.

Footnotes:

[1] Don’t think I forgot this series’ common unit of measurement.

[2] Technically, this is a misuse of this phrase…. But Jack doesn’t care tonight XD

[3] Huntress who was raped by Zeus (he pretended to be Artemis to get close to her) and Artemis was so mad that Callisto was with child, she either kicked Callisto out of the huntresses or, according to Hesiod, turned her into a bear. Soooo, Axel just doesn’t want Thalia to unintentionally be with child and incur Artemis’ wrath.  

[asexualdrago]

I love this series and I figured to write something for the comic. Hope you like it

@skunk-scribbles

Alex walked the halls of Fazbear's fright looking for Springtrap as the old grumpy bunny told him earlier "I have something important to do boy," That was three hours ago and he hasn't heard anything from him for a while. "Springtrap? Where are you?" He called out but got no response. "Spring-yah!" Jumping in surprise when he felt something tug his leg. It was slimy and cold. "What the?" He looked down to see a purple glob with eyes. Staring at him angrily. He bent over to pick it up.

It had the consistency of slime but was more firm. Maybe a stress ball that popped? And that no one cleaned up. Or probably left it for him to clean it up. "How did you get there?" He asked it. continuing to pick at it. The slime's eyes narrowed at him. He poked the slime's eye, as he was curious as to how it moved. "Stop prodding me!" Alex pulled his hand back with a yelp. He didn't expect the ball of slime to talk. The voice had a British accent and was deep. The glare it was giving him was notably familiar. Hold on... "Springtrap?" "Who else you twit?!" "Uh," The slime growled. "PUT ME BACK INSIDE MY BODY AT ONCE!!" He yells. Alex's suspicions were right. It was Springtrap. "Springtrap, why are you a talking slime ball?" "Just take me to my body! I'll explain there."

Springtrap guided him to the room he was inhabiting. It was the backroom. Laying on the floor was the animatronic body of Springtrap. The eyes of the animatronic were blue with white letters and words scrolling past. Like a computer screen that was overloaded or crashing. "So, uh, what exactly... happened here?..." The glob of Springtrap sitting on the metal knee. Still glaring. "I was tinkering with one of your newfangled modern devices and I accidentally caused a short circuit bad enough to separate me from the suit I've possessed." Noting the small streams of smoke coming from the old suit. How does that work? "What am I supposed to do? I don't know anything about this stuff. Only what you told me." Alex said. Springtrap's eyes narrowed and sighed. Which was strange as he didn't have lungs. Or did he? "I need you to set up a powerful current, one with a high enough amp and heat level to fuse me back into the-" Before he could finish Alex cheered.

"AW YEAH! Finally, a chance to use my evil mad scientist cosplay!" Springtrap was annoyed now. This boy wasn't serious. "ALEX! This is serious!" "I am. Now hold on, I'll be right back!" He then ran out of the room to grab his bag. "You got to be kidding! Come back here!"

He shifted to look over his metallic body. This was beyond embarrassing and stupid for him. He made the damn things yet he got kicked out by trying to connect to the devices Alex had. Speaking of which, the boy came back wearing a doctor's outfit with a pair of goggles on his head and wore leather black gloves. Holding two red wires. "My entire life has been leading up to this moment." Alex gleefully said with a smile and his tongue sticking out. "You're...not taking this seriously, are you..."

After a few failed attempts to attach the wires as to Springtrap's directions, he was getting bored. He put his hand in Springtrap's lifeless head and played with it like a puppet. "Boy, did you eat all me Flitter Grumple Crisp Tea Delights again? Bloody hell!" He snickered as the British voice he used for Springtrap was off-key. "Alex! Please, stop messing around! I don't want to be stuck like this!" He growled. He didn't like how Alex wasn't taking it as seriously as him. He didn't want to remain as a glob for the rest of his time. "Keep ya knickers on, I'm on it, ol' chum!" Springtrap yelled in both anger and embarrassment "AND I DON'T SOUND ANYTHING LIKE THAT!"

Alex however was snickering and tried to not laugh out loud. While Springtrap was yelling he nearly fell off the table due to his body being soft and slimy. Alex caught him before he splat on the floor. He then grabbed an empty candy bowl and placed him inside so he won't fall over. "There we go! Wouldn't want you to fall, lil guy!" Springtrap rolled around in the bowl trying to get out. "This is demeaning!!" "Don't be so dramatic. Its only temporary."

Springtrap kept murmuring and continued to yell angrily. After a few more attempts, Springtrap was able to enter his body and looked dazed. "Hey, it worked! How are you feelin', buddy?" "Guh..." That was the only response he got. His eyes were droopy and his head swayed slightly. Shaking his head he reached out and grabbed Alex by the throat. "Just ducky, thank you." With an annoyed expression. Never again, he thought.

every day I am haunted with the knowledge that AU Springtrap isn't actually a rabbit, but a pile of soul sludge controlling an endoskeleton like a mech suit

anyways don't worry buddy he's here to help..... kind of

[gaymusicchart]

GAY MUSIC CHART – 2018 week 04

 Welcome to the Gay Music Chart, the LGBTQA related music videos TOP 50 actuality and most request.

Vote for your favourite LGBTQA related music videos by leaving a comment for this post on :

YOUTUBE (in the comment section of the video of the week) : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz7yfp-xq-b08tD6mAWwclA

BLOGGER : http://gaymusicchart.blogspot.fr

FACEBOOK : https://www.facebook.com/GayMusicChart/

TWITTER : https://twitter.com/GayMusicChart with #GayMusicChart  

TUMBLR : http://gaymusicchart.tumblr.com  

 Here is the recap for this week :

  OUT : Blondie - Doom or Destiny (LW: 19 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 17)

OUT : Sufjan Stevens - Visions of Gideon (fan video) (LW: 20 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 20)

OUT : Handsome feat. Joyride - Late Night Ball Game (LW: 22 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 22)

OUT : P!nk - Beautiful Trauma (LW: 29 / WO: 8 / PEAK: 06)

OUT : Wrabel - The Village (LW: 32 / WO: 24 / PEAK: 01 (x1))

OUT : Thunderpussy - Speed Queen (LW: 34 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 34)

OUT : Ria Mae - Red Light (LW: 36 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 36)

OUT : Eddy de Pretto - Kid (LW: 38 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 30)

OUT : Kyle Thorn - Petty (Lyric Video) (LW: 39 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 39)

OUT : Charlie Xile - Not That Girl (LW: 43 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 43)

OUT : Yaysh - Daep (LW: 44 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 44)

OUT : Bjartmar - Players (LW: 45 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 45)

OUT : Jussie Smollett - Freedom (LW: 46 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 46)

OUT : Bobby Newberry - Up (LW: 47 / WO: 12 / PEAK: 08)

OUT : Alfie Arcuri - Love is Love (LW: 48 / WO: 13 / PEAK: 12)

OUT : Lilit Hovhannisyan feat. Kamil - Chkites Honqerd (LW: 49 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 49)

OUT : Cristiano Malgioglio - Sonhos (LW: 50 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 50)

  01 (+ 20) : Troye Sivan - My My My! (LW: 21 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 01 (x1))

Australia

The first track of his upcoming album has topped at #3 at the Worldwide iTunes Song Chart. It's the eighth single of the Australian singer in a row to be #1 in our chart.

 02 (- 1) : Sufjan Stevens - Mystery of Love ("Call Me By Your Name" OST) (LW: 01 / WO: 11 / PEAK: 01 (x1))

The song has finaly an official music video.

 03 (+ 1) : PJ Brennan - Tease (LW: 04 / WO: 11 / PEAK: 01 (x2))

PJ Brennan is well known for his role as Doug Carter in the British television soap opera Hollyoaks.

 04 (- 2) : Eli Lieb - Next To You (LW: 02 / WO: 6 / PEAK: 02)

 05 (+ 3) : Calum Scott - You Are The Reason (LW: 08 / WO: 9 / PEAK: 04)

 06 (- 3) : Trevor Moran - Sinner (LW: 03 / WO: 7 / PEAK: 02)

 07 (- 2) : HEIDRIK - Monster (LW: 05 / WO: 9 / PEAK: 05)

 08 (- 1) : Tokio Hotel - Boy Don't Cry (LW: 07 / WO: 12 / PEAK: 07)

The lead singer Bill Kaulitz becomes a beautiful drag queen in the new music video of the German band.

 09 (=) : Conchita Wurst & Ina Regen - Heast as Net (Hubert Von Goisern Cover) (LW: 09 / WO: 7 / PEAK: 09)

The power of yodeling, but in a classy way.

 10 (+ 2) : Namuel - Joven de Corazón (LW: 12 / WO: 11 / PEAK: 10)

In his new music video, the chilean singer is a teen at school who has a crush on his bully.

 11 (- 1) : Huntington - Love Is Love (LW: 10 / WO: 17 / PEAK: 02)

Three years after "Secret", this is their new original song. It was released specially for the Australian debate about marriage equality. Every cent made from this song went go to the Yes campaign. Now that the debate is over, finaly, LGBT can now get marry : congratulations Australia !

 12 (- 1) : Alfie Arcuri - If They Only Knew (LW: 11 / WO: 29 / PEAK: 01 (x7))

This is the new music video of the winner of The Voice Australia 2016. What must do a gay man when he's in love with his best male friend, who's dating his best female friend?

 13 (- 7) : La Prohibida - Baloncesto (LW: 06 / WO: 26 / PEAK: 03)

Spain / from the album "100K años de luz"

The drag queen joined Madrid’s Three Kings float, but traditionalists didn't like it.

 14 (=) : George - Comme Ils Disent (LW: 14 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 14)

It's a surprising cover of a French classic gay song from Charles Aznavour made by this Russian singer.

 15 (- 2) : Leon Else - What I Won't Do (Lyric Video) (LW: 13 / WO: 32 / PEAK: 02)

The British singer has came out on Facebook last May.

 16 (+ 1) : Michele Bravi - Diamanti (LW: 17 / WO: 18 / PEAK: 04)

This is the third single from the Italian singer taken from the album “Anime Di Carta”.

 17 (+ 20) : Virgin Suicide - Evil Eyes (LW: 37 / WO: 7 / PEAK: 17)

This Danish music video is like a short movie, telling the struggles of a closeted gay teen taken by his father to a fathers-sons's camp.

 18 (NEW) : Jinkx Monsoon - Cartoons and Vodka (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 18)

USA / from the album "“The Ginger Snapped”

The music video is an homage of several American and Japanese cartoons like Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball Z, Dexter's Laboratory, The Powerpuff Girls, Betty Boop, etc...

 19 (+ 5) : Hayley Kiyoko - Curious (LW: 24 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 19)

USA / from the album "Expectations"

In her new song, Hayley is wondering why the girl she's dating is dating also another guy in the same time. "Expectations" will be released on March 30, 2018.

 20 (NEW) : HollySiz - Rather Than Talking (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 20)

France / from the album "Rather Than Talking"

In this powerful music video, two workers lead a revolt in a factory of a dictatorial parallel universe for their love and freedom.

 21 (- 6) : Francisco Victoria - Marinos (LW: 15 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 10)

Chile

This is the first single of the Chilean singer, produced by Alex Anwandter. A revelation.

 22 (+ 8) : Reigen - Rollin (LW: 30 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 15)

 23 (+ 4) : Bagarre - Danser seul (ne suffit pas) (LW: 27 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 23)

France / from the album "Club 12345"

Several drag queens are featuring in the music video of this French Touch house music.

 24 (NEW) : Fischerspooner - TopBrazil (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 24)

USA / from the album "SIR"

 25 (+ 17) : Rui Andrade - Confia Em Mim (LW: 42 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 25)

Portugal

This Portuguese music video is full of straight and gay kisses.

 26 (- 3) : Erik Altemus - Love Crimes (LW: 23 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 18)

 27 (NEW) : Eddy de Pretto - Random (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 27)

France

This video with this song about his heartbreaks and disillusions has reached the YouTube top trending in France. Lyrics are beautiful.

 28 (NEW) : Madblush - BatiI Kuku (Meme Lyric video 1) (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 28)

Brazil

 29 (NEW) : Cub Sport - Good Guys Go (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 29)

Australia / from the ambum "Bats"

 30 (NEW) : Nakhane - Fog (Official Audio) (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 30)

South Africa / from the album "You Will Not Die"

His upcoming album "You Will Not Die" will be released on March 16th.

 31 (- 13) : La Divaza - Roast Yourself Challenge (LW: 18 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 18)

Venezuela / Mexico

Pedro Álvarez, aka La Divaza, is a famous Venezuelan gay YouTuber with 4,9 millions of subscribers, who lives actualy in Mexico. The lyrics came from hate comments on his social media. The music video had 1 million of likes and 6 millions of views the first day ! The video has actually almost 28 millions views.

 32 (NEW) : Aretuza Lovi, Pabllo Vittar, Gloria Groove - Joga Bunda (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 32)

Brazil

With more than 880 millions views on YouTube in 2017 with all her music videos (including the featurings), drag queen Pabllo Villar was the revelation of 2017, but she never had success in our chart. Will this track make her first success in the Gay Music Chart ?

 33 (+ 2) : Allie X feat. VÉRITÉ - Casanova (LW: 35 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 29)

Canada - from the album "CollXtion II"

 34 (- 3) : SAKIMA - Daddy (LW: 31 / WO: 6 / PEAK: 15)

 35 (+ 5) : Michele Bravi - Tanto Per Cominciare (LW: 40 / WO: 11 / PEAK: 14)

 36 (RE-ENTRY) : Fiákra - Desabapho (LW: - / WO: 2 / PEAK: 26)

Brazil

 37 (- 4) : Larva - For Ruy (censored version) (LW: 33 / WO: 13 / PEAK: 02)

Larva is a Mexican openly gay heavy metal band. The uncensored version, only for adults because of its raw sex content, is now also available on YouTube.

 38 (NEW) : Ben Yahr - Shape of Me (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 38)

USA

A song against body shaming. In his music video, he recreates iconic photos.

 39 (NEW) : Silvino - Discordantes (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 39)

Brazil

 40 (- 12) : Brockhampton - Rental (LW: 28 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 28)

USA / from the album "Saturation III"

The track is #1 in the Top 40 LGBT Urban Chart.

 41 (- 16) : Smashby - Ringleader (LW: 25 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 13)

UK

His previous (and first) single "Birthday Suit" won the LGBTQ Music Vote 2017 on MySoCalledGayLife.co.uk.

 42 (NEW) : Fever Ray - To The Moon And Back (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 42)

Sweden

She's the singer of the band The Knife. She defines herself as queer.

 43 (- 17) : JAY-Z feat. Gloria Carter - Smile (LW: 26 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 26)

USA / from the album "4:44"

The music video of the track where he's talking about the homosexuality of his mother Gloria Carter is finally out. She's playing her own role in the music video. A huge event in LGBT representation in hip hop industry.

 44 (NEW) : Patryk Smolarek - Master (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 44)

Poland

The singer is candidate with this song for the Polish selections for the Eurovision Song Contest 2018. The music video shows two gays.

 45 (- 29) : Kevin Chomat - Issue de secours (LW: 16 / WO: 6 / PEAK: 03)

 46 (NEW) : The Hungry Hearts - Vagina Anthem (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 46)

Norway

A feminist song in the #MeToo movement.

 47 (RE-ENTRY) : Kika Lorace & Allen King - Toro (LW: - / WO: 2 / PEAK: 26)

Spain

It's not the first time that the famous porn star is featuring in a music video of the Madrilene drag queen, but this time, he sings with her.

 48 (NEW) : Conchita - This is Me (Influencer's Cover) (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 48)

This cover with Austrian and German YouTubers is from the original soundtrack of the movie "The Greatest Showman".

 49 (NEW) : Kamil Show - Puerto Rico (Official Audio) (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 49)

Armenia

The drag queen will participate with this song in Depi Evratesil, the Armenian national selections for the Eurovision Song Contest 2018.

 50 (- 9) : Hayley Kiyoko - Feelings (LW: 41 / WO: 13 / PEAK: 04)

The singer flirts with another woman while she’s dancing in her new music video.

  ALSO NEW THIS WEEK

 KLUBBB3 - Paris Paris Paris

Germany / The Netherlands / Belgium / from the album "Wie werden immer mehr!..."

 Randy Rainbow - Buttons!

USA

Another parody about Kim Jong-un, Donald Trump and their nuclear buttons.

 Troye Sivan - The Good Side (Audio)

Australia

 Kylie Minogue - Dancing (Official Audio)

Australia / from the upcoming album "Golden"

 Mylène Farmer - Rolling Stone (Audio)

France

It's a new sound for the new song of the French gay icon, which reached in the Top 10 YouTube trending in France. Surprising.

 Austra - Change The Paradigm (Official Audio)

Canada / from the album "Future Politics"

 스윗보이 (Sweet Boy) feat. 누보 (NUVO) - I Luv Her

South Korea / from the mini-album "SWEET+BOY"

Two women almost kiss each other in this music video, but it's like it's more for a straight male audience.

  See you next week and don’t forget to vote for your best LGBTQA music videos ! Here are the rules :

1 ) You can vote for many videos as you want under the videos on YouTube in the comment section. It could be recent or past music videos, which must provide at least one among the following conditions:

- the music video has LGBTQA related content, in the lyrics or the music video

- the artist is LGBTQA, an LGBTQA icon or eventually ally

- LGBTQA medias talked about it.

2 ) You can’t vote more than 3 songs of a same artist per week.

3 ) In case of an artist who receive votes mostly by a fan base, we will count only one song, in a limited time of 10 weeks of presence in the top.

4 ) You can vote with only one account.

5 ) If you make 5 votes or less, your first vote will represent 5 points, your second vote 4 points, etc… until your last vote and following 1 point. If you make 6 to 10 votes, your first vote will represent 10 points, your second vote 9 points, etc… If you make more than 10 votes, your first vote will represent 20 points, your second vote 19 points, etc…

6 ) People who make 1 to 5 votes form the amateur ranking, those who make 6 to 10 votes form the fan ranking, those who make more than 10 votes form the expert ranking. We form the jury ranking. And we count now the ranking of minutes of views of our weekly playlist of the previous week. The Gay Music Chart is the addition of the five charts. In case of equality, the number of votes and the dates of votes will count.

7 ) The votes will close on Thursday, 8 PM, European time.