#Also. Same. Me when Ennui

[whattheheckisatazelwurm]

Gifed this because I never noticed this small moment before, until I saw art of it 🥺

[bigskydreaming]

Imagine looking at a character whose entire premise is that in every stage of his life, he's made every version of himself into someone that inspires people to such a degree that EVERY SINGLE VERSION OF HIM has people wanting to literally follow in his footsteps in some way or another.....

And coming to the conclusion that like.....the most important things about him are the sum of all his trappings. His entirely homemade developed from scratch could not exist if not for what he already was and brought with him BEFORE crafting this newest version of himself trappings, with his greatest trait throughout all of it being his adaptability; his ability and willingness to roll with the punches and not try to simply weather any opposition or changes to his life but instead reshape himself as needed to better fit INTO whatever new shape his life and the world around him takes. All while managing to carry the most innate, fundamental and necessary aspects of himself from one version to the next. Thus every single version of himself is different but simultaneously every single version of himself is also undeniably the same person.

The strength of this character, to me, will always be that he can be so many versions of himself, he can become so many things, all without ever actually losing or discarding any of the aspects of himself he considers most essential, the things he's not willing to lose or give up just to keep going. Finding that road not taken by most, usually because most never even think to look for it as an option. But one that he's always able to find because the one trick he's mastered in his tumultuous life is threading that needle of not just digging in his heels in an unproductive way but rather being selective about when and where he makes a stand and decides "this is not a thing I'm willing to compromise about" but here are places and ways I can and will change and evolve and adapt in order to make it possible for me to hold onto these parts and keep them as they are.

And that's why its always so mind-boggling to me that so many writers can't seem to think of anything else to do with Dick Grayson other than invent some new reason for him to just....not be that person, or to like just take the character whose most basic fundamental trait he's NOT about to compromise on is willingly giving up his spot in the driver's seat of his own life.....and make him just a passenger in his own life and stories.

Dick Grayson at age nine....at age nineteen...at age twenty nine....the one core thread running through all versions of him is the only way he's standing back and letting you call the shots for him or putting him on the sidelines in some way is over his dead body.

HOW he goes about that, what that looks like, who he becomes and what aspects of himself he plays up at some times and what traits he lets fall by the wayside at other times when they offer less in service to his primary goal here....that changes constantly. He changes constantly.

But those changes are almost always (or at least they used to be/should be IN MY OPINION) made with the intention of keeping certain things about him or his life as consistent as possible.

That's the duality of Dick Grayson that I'm here for. The inherent contradiction of him that COULD allow for endless conflict and breaking new narrative ground in all sorts of ways if mined properly:

His eternal willingness to compromise....but only ever in pursuit of doubling down on the ways he's not willing to compromise.

Forever walking that tightrope in ways that only a kid born and raised in a circus could ever hope to.

[critterbitter]

I'm wheezing over Ingo and Litwick's dynamic jgjbjjxjsjwkfiisiq and TYNAMO FITTING INTO EMMET'S SCARF IS SOOO CUTE!! Love how you draw the little sbubby bois, their conductor themed outfits are soo freaking cute!!!

I have so many thoughts when it comes to them it’s insane. Glad you like the characterizations!

Here’s a quick one shot under the cut, as a treat for making it this far.

Emmet finds Tynamo three months before Ingo meets Litwick. Ingo has some thoughts.

Ingo and Emmet are part of a pair.

If Emmet is the fuck around and find out, then Ingo’s been relegated amused damage control. This has always been the case, right up until Emmet found tynamo. Then suddenly, it’s “wow emmet, you’re so responsible!” “Golly gee Emmet, what do you mean you don’t want to go exploring the cave systems after dark?” “Gee whizz, what do you mean curfew for your eel puppy?” “Why in Reshiram do you get to have a whole pokemon three months before we agreed to get starters, and i don’t?”

Ingo doesn’t say the last part. He’s a bitter world-weary twelve year old languishing about the unfairness of the pokestray distribution system, but he also loves his brother. Emmet found an injured tynamo in chargestone cave and decided to help— tynamo decided to stay. It’s every child’s film plot. Ingo being a grouchy gengar makes him objectively a terrible friend.

Oh dragons, is Ingo a bad brother?

“Ingo!”

Speak of the cold, and he shall enter. Ingo swings his whole body around to better brace for the flying tackle.

“Emmet!”

“I am emmet! You are sulking.”

Ingo clicks his mouth closed and tries not to sulk harder. He fails.

“You are not being verrrry convincing, brother dearest.”

“I do not have any idea what you are going on about,” Ingo’s traitorous mouth blurts. “Be convinced I love you and am not planning dastardly plots.”

Do not think about getting a ground typed starter. Do not think about getting a ground typed starter.

Emmet shoots him a judgemental look from under the brim of his hat. Ingo glowers back, and slowly starts leaning forward, smooshing Emmet under his weight.

“Ttttell me why you look like a crushed joltik.”

“Keep this up and you are going to be the crushed joltik.”

Anyways, Emmet is becoming more bold by the day and even actively discussing electric types with the new girl in elementary prep, Elesa. Ingo thinks she’s cool, but she flinched when he blurted a once again too loud greeting so he’s… letting that cool off. They definitely don’t have anything to talk about beyond pokemon, and Emmet and her already have pokemon. Ingo feels a bit left out.

Caught in the ennui of not having a blitzle or tynamo, Ingo slips as Emmet rolls out from under him. The two go down in an ungraceful tangle of limbs.

“Tell. Me. What’s. Wrong.” Emmet gently slaps Ingo’s face like a ripe oran berry. “You want to tell me sooo badly. Ooh.”

“Emmet- aurgh. Gerroff’”

“I don’t speak denial.”

Ingo gives up. His entire body deflates. Emmet, not expecting the sudden loss of spinal infrastructure, slides sideways and knees Ingo’s lungs.

Ingo wheezes. “I’m sulking because you were crushing my spine.”

“Tell me the truth.”

Uh oh. Ingo studies Emmet’s face. It’s the same one he looks into the mirror with, but marred with concern and self consciousness. Ingo made Emmet worry. He’s not just a bad twin. He’s the worst.

“You are Emmet.”

“I am Emmet.”

“You have Tynamo.”

“Tynamo’s charging at home.”

Smart ass! Emmet knows what Ingo means. And by Emmet’s smug grin, Emmet knows too.

Ingo struggles to explain that Emmet has Tynamo, and Elesa, and… that’s only two other individuals. He is truly the worst twin in all the land. Emmet gets two new friends and Ingo’s being an infant about it.

One day, Ingo will have his own pokemon partner and team— but right now, Ingo only gets to have Emmet.

Ingo feels this is an unfair trade equivalent, but he does not want to say it in a way that sounds rude, so he stalls.

Emmet has no such prefunctures. He squints at Ingo, who avoids eye contact and squirms. “You are… jealous?” He tilts his head in visible confusion. “What?”

Ingo covers his face with his hands, defeated.

“You arrrre jealous!” Emmet cries, bewildered. “Why??”

Ingo lets out an unintelligible wheeze. Emmet remembers he still has a knee on Ingo’s chest, and hastily sits back.

“I don’t want to be jealous,” Ingo finally bursts. “I am very happy for you Emmet! You and Tynamo are a winning combination!” His voice cracks embarrassingly. Emmet doesn’t flinch at the volume, even muffled under Ingo’s palms. “I don’t want to be a bad brother being jealous.”

“You aren’t a bad brother, Ingo.”

“I am. I am angry that you found your starter and I haven’t. I’m sad I interrupted your schedule with my inane demands. I have made you feel like you did something wrong. I apologize.”

Peeking between Ingo’s fingers, Emmet’s face falls. Ingo wants to be struck by a giga impact rather than face this. He would rather be a dusty imprint. Where is Uncle Drayden’s Haxorous when you need her?

“Ingo, Ingo listen to me.” Emmet’s hands dart forward to settle Ingo’s shoulders. The pressure is grounding. Real. This is where Emmet tells Ingo he’s being stupid.

He hears Emmet exhale.

“I’m sorry.”

Wait, that doesn’t sound right. “Pardon?”

“I wanted to train Tynamo as my conductor, and I left our two-car train unmaintained.”

“Pardon??”

Emmet looks uncomfortable and sad. It makes Ingo uncomfortable and sad. “Yesterday night. When you wanted to go to the caves. For our weekly charting. I said I’d rather help Tynamo.”

Oh. Yeah, Ingo remembers that. It had stung. “You are not obligated to say yes,” he protests. “In fact, you should say no more. You always say yes.”

“Yes.”

“What did I just say.”

“No. You’re my brother. I left you out.”

Ingo slowly puts down his hands. His face still feels warm, but he feels less scared. Now he just feels embarrassed. He can’t help but let out a meek plea slip. “Don’t go where I can’t follow, Emmet. Please.”

“I would never! We are going on our pokemon journey together, yep yep. You, me, tynamo, and whoever your starter will be!”

The two sit there on the side of the dirt road. Emmet’s declaration sounds like a dangerous promise. Ingo realizes at that moment he would do anything for his brother, who’s his best friend and confidant and world, starter or no starter. He opens his mouth to tell Emmet that.

“Wwwwwait. You are trying to go back to the caves. Ingo! Are you trying to find a starter by yourself!?”

Never mind. Emmet’s gone for his soft underbelly, and Ingo’s in pain. “Emphasis on trying,” he mutters instead. The joltik are not interested in him. The local tynamo swarm fled. A curious drilbur had sniffed him once, turned up its nose, and then trundled into the wall.

“…ah.”

Nothing had felt right for Ingo— too scared, too judgemental, or too uninterested. He’s starting to accept that maybe none of the pokemon in this town area match his truth or ideals.

Emmet was quiet for a long time. He had his thinking face on, so Ingo did not interrupt. He took the time instead to look up at the sky, watching the giant puff of clouds drift by. A plume of swabloo lazily inches their way across the horizon.

A shadow falls over Ingo. Emmet dusts himself off, and helps drag his twin to his feet. The two sway, clasping hands.

“We’ll ask Uncle Drayden,” Emmet decides, and Ingo is enthralled by the sheer truth of that statement. “He’ll let us use the subway! And you can look elsewhere, for a starter who is ideal for you. Wwwwith me and Tynamo, instead of by yourself.”

“Truly?” Uncle Drayden is a scary man.

Emmet nods. It’s easy to talk to Emmet— he just says words that Ingo would spend hours ruminating on. “I am verrrry persuasive.”

“You mean staring at him from the corner until he cracks?”

“Brother, you know me so well!”

Ingo cant help but laugh. He still feels guilty and bad for feeling envious, but a world with emmet by his side is significantly less hostile. Emmet’s hand is warm in his.“Thank you!” He cheers, startling himself with his volume. “Bravo,” he tried in a quieter tone.

“Bravo!!” Emmet replies, pointedly louder. Ingo squawks as Emmet pulls him off balance. “You are my brother! We’re going to find you a starter!”

Ingo tugs back just as fiercely. “Bravo!! We are going to harass Uncle Drayden into letting us board the train!”

Emmet leans with his whole body, dragging Ingo into the fulcrum of his centrifuge. “BRAVO! YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME WITH TYNAMO’S TRAINING!”

Ingo digs his heels in, and then stumbles. “BRAVO, I, what?”

Emmet looked distinctly patrat-esque. “We’re in this together, Ingo. No backing out now.”

Ingo thought about it long and hard. He gets to see his brother get electrocuted. But he will, also, most likely, get electrocuted.

(Tynamo is Emmet’s starter. But maybe, it can also be Ingo’s friend.)

But brother say brother do, and Ingo’s probably obligated to run damage control if Emmet decides to, say, shove a fork into an outlet for Tynamo to snack on.

(Emmet fucks around. Ingo finds out. Even two steps apart with new people between, this is the way of their world.)

“Alright,” he crumbles. When they step this time, they step in sync. “We do this. Together.” (Enjoy this? Here's the link to the rest of my rat crimes.)

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hey so, maybe an odd question, but did you feel like a different person when you started T? I’m a trans guy and am trying to figure out weather I want to do hormones. A lot of the physical effects sound really great, but I’m kind of scared of what it might do to me mentally. A friend of mine has to take it for medical purposes and he absolutely HATES it. He feels like it turns him into an entirely different person that he hates being and completely destroys his capacity for creativity or emotions of any kind. This can’t be everybody’s experience right?

Heya! Answering this on public for folks to chime in with their own personal anecdotes. (Including bad emotional effects - let's be respectful that not everyone has a great HRT experience. I'd imagine each of us struggles with something we don't like about T.)

Testosterone took the edges off my negative emotions. I stopped frustration crying nearly overnight and got a lot less irritable. My explosive temper went down to a low simmer. I suddenly felt like I had patience for the first time in my life. I don't have as many autistic meltdowns now, and when they do happen, it's more me pacing in circles than breaking something.

I still feel emotions like sadness, but it's harder to physically cry. I haven't noticed any changes to my creativity. I feel happier, but that has more to do with not being closeted anymore.

I'm definitely hornier on T, and that sometimes converts into irritability, something I can control with mindful behavior.

What can shock some trans folks is that HRT won't solve all your mental problems. Testosterone has not helped my Depression that's unrelated to gender dysphoria, so I still battle with cycles of wretched ennui. It also hasn't helped my ADHD, and I sometimes wonder if it's even made me a bit more forgetful. That said, HRT removed a ton of background radiation in my life to where I am now better equipped to deal with my mental illnesses.

Even though my experience has been overwhelmingly positive, I have had a few trans masc folks tell me that they felt like T deadened their emotions in an unpleasant way. The odds are in your favor, but it sucks if you're the one who gets bad results. But I would imagine that your emotions would recalibrate once you'd stop HRT.

But overall, I felt like I was trapped in teenage-level emotional turmoil well into my 30s (when I transitioned), and T makes me feel like an even-keeled adult. I am the same person as before, but a better version of that person.

I hope that helps. When considering HRT, it's important to remember that you can just try it out and stop if you don't like it. There will be tradeoffs, both permanent and reversible, so learning about those will definitely help in your decision here. But you have a lot of control here, especially when you jump in aware.

If you go for it, keep a mood journal and make it a topic to discuss with a therapist or other trans folks. Wishing you all the best!

[tea-plantz]

ahoy🗣️

can I request an anxiety/reader where reader represents the Love emotion?

like we're a little extroverted and flirty (and kinda serve tbh) but we are gentler around her and help her calm down when she's about to have an attack?

(I'm normal about her I swear💪)

Ahoy to you too! Yess I finally got a request for my girl!! She’s so cute, I swear-

Anyway, that’s an awesome request, I love the concept of the reader being a Love emotion!

~Anxiety x Love emotion reader hcs~

Anxiety wasn’t really interested in romance, partly because she figured she didn’t have a shot at it anyway, and because she thought it seemed way too stressful. That was until a new emotion appeared in the HQ, the Love emotion.

You were so sweet, kind, pretty and even flirtatious, causing the small orange emotion to quickly become smitten.

She would feel her heartbeat speed up x100 whenever you were around.

The poor girl constantly stressed about making a good impression on you, seeming interesting, and wanting to know more about you, but she couldn’t let you know that she’s excited, or else she would seem too intense, and so on.

Since you represented the emotion of love, your job would be to control Riley’s crushes, feelings of love, horniness, and all that. Anxiety would love to watch you work, observing as your hands glided over the console, making it light up with a soft, pink color. She swoons over everything you do

Anxiety sometimes even slightly envied you. Your job was to make Riley feel all these positive and exciting feelings, whilst hers was to worry her and make her anxious. She knew it was all to protect their girl, but she didn’t wanna feel like a burden. On top of that, you were also so extrovert and outgoing, speaking so easily with all of the emotions, even Ennui, which was something she admired and slightly envied as well. She would overthink it, feeling like she wasn’t a good enough conversationalist, and fearing that she came off as boring to you.

The fact that you where so flirty towards all the emotions, but more gentle around her would leave her with sleepless nights filled with overthinking.

“They act so flirtatiously towards everybody, but somehow different towards me! I mean, they’re still flirting, but it still feels different! Does that mean they like me less?! Oh no no no, that would be so bad! But what if they do..? And then they’ll slowly stop talking to me, because they secretly hate me, then they’ll stop looking at me, or even being in the same room as me, and I’ll die alone! Ah!!”

She always thinks so negatively about every single situation, not concerning that it could be because you liked her.

It was only after you helped her calm down when she was about to have an anxiety attack that she realized that maybe her feelings were mutual. The way you had gently hugged her, rubbed soothing circles on her back,y kissed her head and whispered sweet nothings into her ear made her absolutely melt. She knew she needed to confess, or else it would drive her insane!

Anxiety spend many many nights, filling out countless notebooks with her frantic writing, trying to figure out the perfect way to confess. She knew you loved romance, so she wanted to be romantic and sweep you off your feet. One problem though, she was very bad at romance… like… really bad. After the made the perfect plan she practiced again and again before she actually mustered up the courage to confess.

She wrote a whole ass 5 page long script on what to say, and a backup script for when if you rejected her. She didn’t hope that would happen, of course not, but she thought you would, always preparing for the worst case scenarios.

Assuming you said yes to her cheesy little confession, Anxiety would be thrilled! You, the glamorous, lovely, super pretty, sweet and confident emotion that you were, wanted to date little ol’ her!! She almost couldn’t believe it!

She definitely cried

It would take the poor girl a long time to settle into the relationship, but with you showering her with love, affection and kisses, not to mention words of reassurance, everyday, she would quickly feel safe and relaxed in the new relationship.

You two would give off major Jessica and Roger Rabbit vibes.

Even though you might be kind of opposites, you both fit really well together. She appreciates you and all of your affection so much, it always helps with calming her down whenever she can’t sleep, or starts stressing out too much.

Anxiety loves it when you flirt with her, but would quickly become overwhelmed if you where too seductive, leaving her brain completely fried and her hands jittery.

She also loves it when you declare your love to her, but she would become way too anxious or overstimulated if you preformed some kind of grand gesture. Instead, she would much rather prefer if you did smaller stuff, like send her love letters, surprise her with hugs and kisses, cuddle with her or enjoy a cozy stay at home date<3

[pointyhatspointyears]

Then & Now: OCs & Gposing

Tagged by @sparrowsong-7 @l3ylines & @lynxden (thank you <3)

This'll be long and all over the place because I took a very different direction with gposing this years and it's been very uh educational. Learned to use posing tools less than a year ago and it's really given our characters more life and made a world of difference. Old embarrassing screenshots incoming.. (but the point here is to show ~Growth~ and I hope it motivates you to keep improving too. and push through all the bugs and that existential ennui hit when your game crashes before youve taken a single screenshot ;-;)

-

Random sentimental observations first, going through old folders..

My gurl aged. But the older she got the happier we both were. We discovered ✨boundaries✨ together.

Her fem elezen Era of 2013-2014 had a bit of both Gabriel & Theneras in her. Nerdy elf and grumpy elf were always there. Never realized. (also apparently we've always had that annoying light/shadow shimmer effect and it's not just a post DT lighting thing)

Apparently I've been wearing the same outfit since 2018. Sometimes you just put on a hat and your character says Yup. That's me. Forever. You'll just have to find a way to squeeze under. (sorry for +6 years of clipping, sweetie, but it was your gift and I'm never taking it off)

Gabriel and @pocketyoukai's Yuusei were besties since 2016 before they were RP characters. and he'll always be a loving doting dad retainer to her sister.

2020- Goose & Amalthea were girlfriends before we realized they were girlfriends. The ship sailed itself.

2018: discovered GIF making. Tried to put it to good use..

…but I just kept making shitposts. which didn't last long thankfully.

..And I'm glad it was short-lived, because when I focused more on telling stories through gposing, especially this past year, it's like my brain got rewired to view this world differently, through the eyes of a little sprout again. If I was going to use screenshots only and no words, I had to take shots/gifs of different things to set my scene and experiment with angles I wouldn't otherwise have considered (and fail 50% of the time and try something else. timing is so tricky😭)

..not to mention, when you're thirsty and need to work around censorship you also get creative with angles and visual subtext

It's 10x more fun and rewarding, albeit challenging especially if you don't want to use any crime tools. But doable. And just as fun and rewarding. And I want to do more of this (and fail and keep experimenting) next year and see you tell more of your stories your way too. and be inspired by and fall in love with your characters.

..I was very much 100% vanilla, as in not even shaders, until early 2020. And started using posing tools about a year ago. When you say "your characters have more character!" (you know who you are) I know exactly what you mean now and that makes me very emotional ;-; it really wasn't the case until less than a year ago. a lil criminal activity goes a long way.

Also vanilla kisses were so hard to gpose and turned out so funny. Note to self never to /puckerup for kisses. ever. But we did our best and learned a lot. A ton more kissing next year for sure.

-

A little late so not sure who hasn't done this yet. Tagging my new favorite gpose storyteller @quiethealer , @squidzure (you've shown us Rhea's glow-up but where is Birdie's glow-up!), partner in storytelling & crime @pocketyoukai & @pumpkinmagekupo

and if you're seeing this and are happy with the growth you've done lately... doeet. Show me your embarrassing shots and the shots you're most proud of this year.

[vaguely-concerned]

"Good Lord, it all sounds so coarse. I imagine I might be hurting your feelings. God, I hope so. Right now, I find I hope so tremendously."

I feel like we don't talk about this line of augustine's enough. truly the words of a man about to become your exest-wife. bad news in the jod district: biggest enabler about to drive your cool car space station into a fucking river. after a ten thousand year long lifetime of laughing at his jokes and soothing his upsets for him even (especially) when he's in the wrong and telling him his eyes look cool actually fuck the haters (cough cough simp behaviour)... augustine finally, finally tells john 'no'. saint of patience mayhaps a bit too attached to living up to his own virtue there but hey! we got there, and with only billions dead!

(it also gets me because it speaks of a love that is still there, hopelessly and helplessly and idiotically, underneath all of it. even that desire to be able to hurt someone is a strange twisted longing for intimacy -- of being able to touch someone back, as much as they've touched and hurt you; it's the same thing that makes the most cutting (and most blatantly untrue lol) thing that harrow can tell gideon 'I don't even think about you most days', not 'I hate you'. augustine still wants that man he thought was there to be within john somewhere, even at this point, deep in the ashen ennui that's all that's left of his soul. enough at least of that man that augustine has any power at all to hurt him. the disappointment feels so... deeply interpersonal above anything else, which I think is what I'm trying to get at with how much it feels like he's handing john already signed and filled in divorce papers. and it takes seeing mercy be treated like she's nothing for him to really give it all up.)

[jessaerys]

part of what didn't work for me in the shards that did in american psycho is that patrick bateman is clearly a satire, a character that is a concentrated distillation of a cultural moment in time; so when some humanity breaks through -when he has these brief moments of experiencing a real human emotion of connection and empathy that he ultimately can't grasp- it really hits, because there's a contrast, clearly delineated build ups and releases that communicate that the writer not only knows what he's doing but he is crafting exactly what he wants do be crafting. does that make sense... you sense this confident commanding of the page. whether there's an earnestness and un-selfawareness to the shards that i found embarrassing and i'm not sure why...... a lot of the shards reads like american psycho (everyone looks exactly the same and are all extremely drop dead gorgeous in an interchangeable kind of way; all the brand and celebrity name-droppings so you, the reader, know it is cool and chic; the tangents into mansplaining music and pop culture to you) except it dawns on you that the objective of the shards is not to highlight how ridiculous all of it is, but it is in fact being written straight and it's supposed to encapsulate the coolness of 80s cocaine chic rich kid LA. and to a certain degree it does, veering in and out of the kind of debauchery that on the surface seems to say "can you believe these guys?" but the depiction itself is glamourized to the nth degree and you can't help but think, wow, i wish i was popping valium in the ennui of my sick ass muholland drive mansion. it's clearly prose that is more about creating a mood, an aesthetic sensibility and an atmosphere than to convey a plot or meaning. cinematography in the written form; a glossy-edged frame from a film, which i really fuck with. it reminded me of maXXXine, both aesthetically speaking and in the ways in which it pays tribute to the lurid exploitation genre of the time.

but also it is less polished than american psycho and in it's unpolishedness, especially (let me check) oh GOD three decades later (ok this makes a lot of sense) it lets through an understanding of the writer's desires and interests and those desires and interests are very similar to what he satirized in previous works. but i haven't read his other novels so maybe this is just news to me

[ptn-imagines]

Sorry tumblr is being a butt! Anyways, if I may, I'd love to read or hear any headcanons or imagines involving reader/f!Chief with either Countess Chelsea, Hamel, Eleven, Sumire, or Garofano. Whichever one(s) inspiration strikes for you. If I could be a tad bit more specific, maybe the prompt could be something like "the ways you and the specific Sinner(s) are kind and affectionate with one another"? Could be SFW or NSFW. Sorry if this is too much, been feeling kinda down with ennui and current state of the world and all. And please, take care of yourself and write at your own pace :)

I, uh, felt inspired. To say the least. Anyway, this has made me realize that it'd probably be faster to list Sinners I can't see as autistic... Also, in hindsight, I realize you may have meant this romantically. I mean, these can be read romantically, but they can also be read platonically. I hope you enjoy either way!

The ways F!Chief and her Sinners are affectionate and kind with one another

Countess Chelsea

It's a given that she'll shower Chief in dozens of gifts. Literally dozens. Whether Chief wants it or not. You know how she is. It technically counts as an act of kindness?

Also, with all the money and influence she has, she's definitely able to get Chief invited to many exclusive opportunities. The best seats at the theater, private movie premiers, exclusive, high-society galas, you name it; Chelsea can and will get it for Chief.

Honestly, Chief does accept these invitations from time to time, because not only are they a way to get away from the strain of her work, Chelsea is able to provide a nice buffer against her usual Mania magnet tendencies. In that she can help contain any disaster that breaks out, not that she can prevent the Mania from being drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Chief is pretty sure there's no Sinner that can do that.

Finally, the most lowkey way Chelsea shows affection is by letting Chief cuddle with Sitri on those days when she's tired. Sitri may be a terrifying big cat made of gemstones, but Chief has long since found that when it comes to cuddling, Sitri is a fairly nice substitute for a fluffy, domestic housecat. She also has the perk of being big enough to be able to curl around Chief, which is comforting. It's just a matter of getting comfortable, since gemstones are not the softest thing to lay against. Luckily, Chelsea is always willing to provide ridiculously ornate (but functional) blankets and pillows.

Honestly, the number one way Chief shows kindness to Chelsea is simply spending time with her. Though it's true she can be overbearing, Chief knows her heart is good, but deeply lonely; it's why she keeps asking Chief to be her sugar baby, after all. She doesn't seem to realize that Chief prefers spending time with her just for the sake of doing so.

Also, whenever Chief does wear a piece of clothing or an accessory Chelsea bought for her, you can count on the Countess being absolutely over the moon about it for the next week. Chief feels like it should be harder to make Chelsea happy, but… it's not, it's just not. The lapidarist is just too kind-hearted, too full of love and too earnest to be difficult to please, if you know her. And Chief knows her quite well.

Finally, when Chief has a spare moment, she helps Chelsea take care of Sitri sometimes. While she doesn't have the same needs as a flesh and blood cat, she still needs a form of grooming and brushing in the form of polishing, and unlike regular cats, that is a task best suited to human hands. Countess Chelsea is always diligent in this task, but nevertheless she has yet to say no when Chief offers to help, enjoying their bonding time.

Garofano

Like Countess Chelsea, Garofano has one really obvious way she shows affection to the Chief, and that is through mending and tailoring clothes. Half of the Chief's non-work clothes were handmade by the assassin.

Garofano is also really experienced with people and the human heart. If you need a shoulder to cry on but not a flat out therapist, Garofano is pretty much the go-to, and for the Chief? She's always willing to lend an ear. One time, an exhausted Chief actually passed out on Garofano during one of these sessions, and the assassin didn't move for hours, simply holding her close.

Finally… The younger Sinners in the Bureau tend to demand Chief's attention, a lot. While there's no doubt Chief would love to spend time with them around the clock, that's not feasible… So Garofano doesn't mind stepping in to corral them. Her warm, motherly vibes draw the kids in with ease, and they love spending time with her too; Chief is eternally grateful for the breaks Garofano has gotten for her.

When it comes to returning the kindness, Garofano isn't as easy to please as Countess Chelsea, but she's also far from difficult. She has a fairly mild temperament (usually), not tending towards either extreme.

Returning favors to Garofano seemed difficult to the Chief at first until she realized that Garofano was often so busy doing acts of service for others that she neglected herself. From then on, Chief did her best to help Garofano out in small ways such as assigning someone to tidy her cell when it got a little too haphazard, or bringing her meals when she got so engrossed in a project she forgets to eat. These little things go a long way with Garofano.

Most of the Garden would like to receive flowers as a gift, and the seamstress is no exception. It can be difficult knowing which flowers which assassin prefers, but Chief's got it down to a science: for Garofano, flowers symbolizing other members of the Garden (such as poppies and cherry blossoms) are best, but purple carnations, symbolizing Garofano herself, should be avoided.

Finally, Garofano's nature is that she very rarely finds herself in a position where she herself needs to vent… But she is still only human, with her own problems and feelings. When they all become too heavy of a burden for her to bear alone, she knows she can always trust Chief to take care of her.

Hamel

Hamel doesn't enjoy being touched – which makes the fact that she allows Chief to do so a gesture of deep trust and affection. Chief is always careful not to push Hamel's boundaries with this, but even on the days where this simply means being able to stand closer to Hamel than normal, Chief is grateful and honored.

Hamel is also a very withdrawn person, but she has a very vibrant and imaginative mind. While happy with her own company, it's human nature to seek companionship, and Hamel will almost always seek it from the Chief; if there's something interesting that has caught her attention, she can actually be quite excitable in conversation.

As long as it's what she truly wants to do and not being forced upon her, Hamel loves to dance on stage for an audience; however, she's a lot more hesitant about letting others see her practice. Yet, she often invites Chief to watch her rehearsals, seeking out her opinions on each movement. Chief, Hamel feels, is not only a safe and trustworthy person, but someone who can feel the emotions of her dance just as well as she herself can.

Compared to Countess Chelsea and Garofano, Hamel is probably the hardest to read and return kindness to. Still, Chief figured it out, and it was absolutely worth it to see Hamel's rare and precious smile.

First of all, Chief makes sure that Hamel can always find a stage – and an audience that'll appreciate her. While she's not against letting Hamel perform in Eastside if she feels up to it, Chief is quick to scare off anyone who might try to exploit Hamel. She respects her dance as an expression of the self, not a cash cow, and though she doesn't always have the words to express it, Hamel couldn't be more grateful.

Secondly, Chief makes a point of checking in on Hamel a lot. The dancer has an unfortunate habit of getting lost in her own mind, forgetting completely about the outside world and sitting still and quiet for hours. It's not exactly healthy for her and often leads to spikes in her M-value, so Chief always keeps an eye out for these moments so she can “wake her up” with the shackles.

Finally… It turns out, Hamel really loves stuffed animals. Chief never imagined she'd form a habit of buying sealife plushies, but here she was; besides, the noticeable brightening of Hamel's mood when receiving a new one was worth the expenditure. Hamel's bed was covered in plushies she'd received from the Chief, though her favorite was the first one she'd been given, a stuffed jellyfish. That one has a place of honor by her pillow, which it only ever leaves to be held by Hamel.

[weirdstuffinthewoods]

Jane Schoenbrun and the Screen Trilogy

Director Jane Schoenbrun’s “Screen Trilogy” seems set to define a period that feels deeply personal to those whose adolescence was shaped by the meteoric rise of the internet and the isolating comfort of technology.

Using a cohesive blend of glowing cool-toned hues, long, lingering shots, and scores and soundtracks that perfectly evoke teen ennui and lonely melancholy, Schoenbrun has used the allure of the screen to craft dreamlike meditations on identity, isolation, and transness that leave viewers feeling so seen.

A quick glance at the tumblr tag, letterboxd reviews, or TikTok videos shows one common thread: Thank you, Jane. And it's well-earned from the beginning. (More under the cut)

With the first installment of the Screen Trilogy, Schoenbrun tackles the questioning of identity through fears generated from unrestricted childhood internet access (something that usually gave the millennial generation something we can never unsee). we’re all going to the world’s fair follows Casey, a teen who partakes in the viral World’s Fair Challenge that leads to an ambiguous separation of self that leaves the audience questioning whether Casey was truly losing herself or merely participating in an elaborate, creepypasta-fueled MMORPG. When speaking about the film with The Hollywood Reporter, Schoenbrun says,

“It really resonated and reminded me of something I went looking for online in my own youth, which was an effort to remove myself from my body and my identity and exist in a space where I could express myself creatively, and perhaps even explore myself personally, outside of ‘the real world.’”

Casey mentions at one point that she can feel herself leaving her body, adding to the overarching theme of dysphoria.

This and many other vulnerable moments are shared through video which is really the only way the audience gets to know Casey, a key piece of information when JLB comes into play. Like us, JLB sees Casey expressing a number of concerning symptoms and thoughts. JLB reaches out to Casey, an adult man reaching out to “save” a teenager he knows nothing about. The adolescents of the internet age know this character all too well.

Between the unspoken disquiet of JLB’s “guardianship” and the time spent with Casey out in the barn in the middle of the night watching ASMR videos with her stuffed lemur, Poe, Schoenbrun’s work reaches out to the kids who, like them, found solace on the internet. We found a world that was bigger than our little towns, we found ways to self-soothe (visual stim videos come to mind as the new ASMR), and sometimes we found people like JLB (we basically made Chris Hansen the hero he is- we love Chris Hansen). For the first time, the isolated, sometimes trans or questioning, internet kid in us felt seen.

Schoenbrun slapped us with nostalgia again in 2024’s I Saw the TV Glow, a magenta-saturated amalgamation of teenage ennui and suburban melancholy that pushes through your ribcage, reaching for your heart without you even noticing until 2/3 of the way through, your frantically beating heart is ripped from your chest among screaming tv static and sparks, leaving you silent in the face of wails of unimaginable pain and need.

Soft-spoken 7th grader Owen meets 9th grader Maddy who’s reading the episode guide for The Pink Opaque- a Buffy-style 90s paranormal teen show Owen has only caught glimpses of, but that he’s totally fascinated with. The two watch an episode together, and as Maddy leaves Owen tape after tape to watch on his own, the pull of The Pink Opaque becomes impossible to ignore.

Schoenbrun is open about it- “I really did live and breathe Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I cared about Buffy more than I cared about my real life”. The same was true for a lot of us. Millennial kids weren’t quite the latchkey kids of the 80s but also weren’t yet the iPad kids of the late 00s. Parents were still learning how to parent and were either too controlling (like Owen’s parents) or too absent (like Maddy’s). Piggybacking on the theme of identity from world’s fair, the kids that didn’t see themselves reflected in popular media or the cliques at school would become masters of escapism, using books, movies, or TV shows like Buffy (it was Charmed for me) to create an inner world where they felt safe, wanted, seen.

Where world’s fair is about the loss and search for identity, I Saw the TV Glow tackles the question of “what next?” What do you do when you know time isn’t moving right, that life isn’t supposed to feel like this? When you learn exactly how to fix it but it sounds absolutely terrifying and insane?

Maddy has no hesitation. “I’m getting out of this town…I’ll die if I stay here. I don’t know how or when exactly, but I know it’s true.” Owen, like Isabel in The Pink Opaque, Maddy says, is afraid of what’s inside him. In Variety, Schoenbrun comments on their differences.

“What we experience through Maddy is this ultimate self-liberation: you have to destroy yourself totally in order to be reborn as who you really are. … Maddy knows that there’s somewhere where she can be full and it’s not worth staying in this place.”

The film encloses a number of deeply disturbing, viscerally upsetting scenes in monologues that connect the audience with feelings of dysphoria, of the disjointed way trans people experience time, and the fear of that time running out in conjunction with the fear of the future. Like world’s fair, the conclusion is ambiguous, but more hopeful in its way. It acknowledges the pain, the fear, the sheer exhaustion of transitioning, but proves it as a method of survival, and reassures the audience, “there is still time”, before leaving them with a cut to pink static where they can cry it out to some Frances Quinlan.

Not too much is known about their third installment, Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma, but Schoenbrun explains that it both pays homage to and critiques the lineage of trans and queer villains as sexual deviants. The New Yorker sums it up as follows:

“[Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma] follows a queer filmmaker hired to direct a new installment of a long-running slasher franchise. The director fixates on the prospect of casting the “final girl” from the original movie, and the two women descend into a frenzy of psychosexual mania.”

Slated to be gorier and funnier (thank God) than the previous installments, Schoenbrun is now turning to the aftermath of transition and the reclaiming of identity through sex, an important and often overlooked facet of transness. They’ve also sold a book, Public Access Afterworld, originally meant to be a TV show but now taken down in literary form. Schoenbrun hopes it will rival franchises like Sandman or Lord of the Rings in its scope, finally giving trans media an epic of its own.

All this fan can say is I can’t wait.

Sources:

Jane Schoenbrun Finds Horror Close to Home | The New Yorker

'I Saw the TV Glow' Director Jane Schoenbrun on A24 Film's Trans Meaning (variety.com)

How We’re All Going to the World’s Fair Grew Out of Internet’s Subconscious (hollywoodreporter.com)

[therealvinelle]

Why do you think Jasper also slept with Peter and Charlotte?

Because @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin and I differentiate between fic and canon.

We write our thoughts on canon on tumblr, but in fanfiction we are free to make our own rules and have fun.

Lines become blurred, however (bullet pointing for legibility):

What we extrapolate from canon impacts the canon of our fics Fun fact, therealvinelle only exists because people kept asking me questions about my choices in Nebuchadnezzar's Dream, and I thought replying to the same questions in the comment section was silly. So I made a blog, which became a beast unto its own. In other words, fic is impacted by how I view canon, and when people ask me my opinion on canon I tell them my view on canon. Example: Carlisle and Aro are not intended by Meyer to have been anything more than friends, but we think it's there and write metas with that starting point, and have it explicitly canon in our fics.

We keep our fics consistent with one another, sometimes using a minor tidbit from canon to justifty it and sometimes making it up Muffin and I are very stringent about this sort of thing. Our view on the characters is fixed: if something changed from one AU to another, the question is "Why?". If it just changed for no reason and the people remain the same, they're no longer real people and nothing really matters. Example: the Volturi guards all having consistent personalities, life stories staying the same, nevermind that we made up Demetri's personality or Aro's ridiculous collection of Carlisle art.

We write metas explaining our fics on our tumblrs See my fic meta tag. Anon asks "Why did character do thing?" and we go "well, character is a person who does things like that thing, remember in canon when they did that thing? So we had them do this thing in our fic." Nevermind that character didn't actually do thing in canon, because this was all in a fic. Example: see the fic meta tag on my blog or Muffin's masterpost.

Now to answer your question: to my recollection Jasper/Peter and Charlotte is first mentioned in For the Love of a Woman, where Bella learns that not a single one of the Cullen men are straight and she despairs (as does Emmett, who wonders what this means for him).

It was justified as a "Jasper was in a state of ennui, they were all beautiful, they went for it" type of thing, and perhaps more to the point it tells you, the reader (and the scandalized Cullens, per fics like Bleach on the Brain) something about vampire sexual norms being different than 21st century western humans and those humans already have plenty of casual, recreational sex.

So, canon doesn't indicate it, but we had Jasper/Peter and Charlotte be a thing that happened in our fics and the argument for it can be made (I do believe sexual norms among vampires, being excempt from diseases, pregnancies, children, and the type of obligation and routine human lives have, would be... recreational).

(As it is I recall this coming up on the blog before, but I think whichever of us got the question responded with essentially the above - "We don't know, but possible".)

[ghostoffuturespast]

Tag Game: Top 10 Albums

Tagged by @corpocyborg! Thank you! This was a fun one as I'm much more of an album listener than a playlist person but it also took me a while to get back to this because it's hard to narrow down.

Rules: List your top 10 favorite albums, and (if you want) include a brief description for why each one made it onto the list. Then, tag 10 (or however many you want, really) others to do the same.

The Top 10... (in no particular order)

#1 Under The Shade Of Green (2022) - The Happy Fits

Reasons: Only rock band I know with a lead cello that also captures that sparkle of generational ennui and hope. Long live the fruit motif.

#2 Franz Ferdinand (2004) - Franz Ferdinand

Reasons: Peak early 2000s era of angular guitars and one of the odd ducks from across the pond in the American teenage emo pop-punk sea.

#3 White Blood Cells (2001) - The White Stripes

Reasons: A friend introduced me to this band (same friend who introduced me to The Happy Fits too, she knows me well lol). She knows my love for scuzzy guitars.

#4 Treats (2010) - Sleigh Bells

Reasons: All hail guitars that shred, lyrical vocals, drum machine injections, and The Noise™. I still don't know what genre this is.

#5 Ash & Ice (2016) - The Kills

Reasons: Stripped down rock duos are a classic for a reason. Raw and unfiltered. There's a sense of ceremony and gravitas to those that still hand roll their cigarette.

#6 Social Cues (2019) - Cage The Elephant

Reasons: Been listening to these guys since their early days of crazed crowd surfing and jumping off speaker stacks. Their music has matured with them though and this is the album you listen to in the car when you're driving down the highway at midnight contemplating your life choices while it's pouring rain.

#7 <|°_°|> (2015) - Caravan Palace

Reasons: Larking back to my dancing days.

#8 Cool It Down (2022) - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Reasons: There's been a lot of Yeah Yeah Yeahs songs that I've liked over the years. This is the first album of theirs that I've collectively loved as a whole.

#9 How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful (2015) - Florence + The Machine

Reasons: Shipwrecking myself on this album and I will drown to this siren's songs.

#10 Good News For People Who Love Bad News (2004) - Modest Mouse

Reason: First album, outside of my parents CD collection, that I was obsessed with. Still leases space in my head to this day.

Tagging with no pressure: @mynonsenseistingling @baublekute @shimmer-like-agirl @seeker-of-truth @setaflow

And if I didn't tag you but you'd like to share your favorite tunes, do it!

[margareth-lv]

⛏️ More archaeological digging ⛏️

Mood: Bored. Just another uneventful day in our fandom. I'm in a rather listless mood today. But given that yesterday's return to the ‘bright, temperate fashion week morning in New York’ and Balfe’s boyfriend texting her from ‘the lobby of the Crosby Street Hotel’ gave me an unexpected pleasure, I decided to keep digging. [I have to admit that I also got myself a bit wound up by thinking again about the Australian journalist Melissa Hoyer] No fun, just boredom. [Or it might simply be a complete waste of time and an exercise in ennui] If you're not interested in another trip back in time, you might want to stop reading now. . . . . . . . .

Do you recall this article? When the PR team felt it was time to share an important update about Caitríona Balfe’s 'love life' with the wider audience?

*** *** ***

This news, the whole context and a number of details look even worse in retrospect.

From the article: The poor girl “posted last week: "Say #TIMESUP on abuse, misuse of power, marginalization, harassment”

But she didn't actually say that herself. #TIMESUP on harassment. And six years down the line, she's still stuck. They’re still caught in the same spot they were in before.

*** *** ***

A little palate cleanser: they are such a gorgeous couple!

[26 June, 2024]

[koalatysleep]

I wish the RDJ Sherlock Holmes / JL John Watson movies were still on Netflix so I can rewatch them whenever I want to!

The last time I rewatched them, I fangirled so hard my heart felt like it was gonna burst

There's so much delicious subtext between Holmes and Watson, and even the action sequences were character-building or plot-advancing.

The piece de resistance is of course the off-the-chart chemistry between RDJ's Holmes and JL's Watson.

And the movies very sophisticatedly shows us Holmes' and Watson's feelings for each other, instead of telling us outright. As they say, "Show, don't tell" - it's one of the hallmarks of great story telling.

There were so many delightfully romantically coded scenes like this one:

I love how much was conveyed about the characters & their relationship in just 1 scene:

- Holmes had eschewed the companionship of all other human beings by choice & secluded himself in his room for weeks on end to wallow over Watson's impending engagement, but an appearance from the one person he treasures above all others is enough to immediately draw Holmes out of his wallow/strop & get him re-engaged 100% with Watson

- Holmes literally crawls to Watson to sit at his feet! This visual analogy shows us that while most people mistakenly think that Holmes holds all the 'power' in their relationship coz he's the intellectual superior, Watson holds just as much sway coz just the thought of Watson's impending engagement has brought Holmes to his knees. (Plus Holmes sitting at Watson's feet hints at Watson being the Master of Holmes' heart, an analogy that is carried into the 2nd movie when Holmes plays his final chess match against Moriarty and Holmes sacrifices his 2nd most valuable piece (the Queen piece, which is an analogy for Holmes' own life) in order to save Watson, the King of Holmes' heart and the most valuable person in Holmes eyes. But this deserves another post of its own, back to movie 1! )

- even though Holmes is sitting at Watson's feet, due to the clever framing, we never get the sense that he is lesser than Watson, and this shows us that Holmes and Watson are equals in their partnership.

- when Watson sits on the chair after handing Holmes the papers, Holmes was propping his arm up on Watson's thigh to read the papers (this is slightly out of frame but one can deduce from the closeness of their positions). Love the casual physical intimacy here, which also establishes the deep bond and absolute trust between Holmes and Watson.

- both of them obviously looks sad thinking about their "last case together"

- Holmes coyly asks to be wooed out to dinner by Watson by playing up his ennui with the dramatic line "there is nothing out there in the entire world for me", then in the same breath, Holmes immediately overturns that with his responses to Watson sounding him out for a night out together. This is Holmes playfully & coyly letting Watson know that he feels neglected and wants Watson's attention ;) Love the witty repartee & dialogue between Holmes & Watson, and how flirtatiously RDJ played this!

- Watson knowing Holmes so well that he knows what Holmes is really asking for (a dinner date), and using that to manipulate Holmes into meeting Mary. Outsmarting Holmes gives Watson a thrill I'm sure ;)

- Watson leaves after revealing that he hasn't proposed to Mary yet coz he "hasn't found the right ring", but this hints at his underlying hesitation coz of Holmes' obvious disapproval. It's very telling that later on in the show, he gives Mary the ring that Holmes gave him - "the right ring" is Holmes' tacit acquiescence

Then we get the dinner with Mary scene which also has delicious subtext:

- while Holmes waits for Watson and Mary to arrive, we see Sherlock getting overwhelmed by the sheer data coming his way. Holmes doesn't usually lose control like this, he's usually able to take in the data without getting overwhelmed. This hints at Holmes' emotional state & anxiety about the meeting with Mary. We see him retreat into his mind to try to block out the overwhelm.

- Watson calling Holmes' name is what brings Holmes out of his overwhelmed state, and John can see immediately that Holmes is not feeling well & is visibly worried about Holmes. In fact, Watson's attention is almost solely on Holmes for the next few minutes - he's watching Holmes exclusively while Mary speaks. This little detail speaks volumes about the priority and place Holmes has in Watson's heart. The dialogue between Mary and Holmes cleverly highlights this -

Mary: "it can seem a little far fetched, making these grand assumptions out of such tiny details"

To which Holmes replies "That's not quite right isn't it. In fact, the little details are by far the most important".

Love the 4th wall dialogue here!

- Then Mary and Holmes engage in a thoroughly entertaining pissing contest under the guise of civil conversation to stake their claims on Watson & one up each other.

Holmes: "Take Watson"

Mary: "I intend to"

To one up this, Holmes proceeds to demonstrate the liberties he's allowed to take with Watson's person as he unsheaths Watson's sword to highlight John's strengths (🤣 not even gonna go into the obvious homoerotic subtext of the sword here), then reaches into John's pocket to pull out the boxing match stub to highlight that he knows John intimately well, gambling warts & all, and he still loves, wants & accepts John even though John's shortcomings have "cost us the rent a few times"

Mary then tries to regain the upper hand by asking Holmes to deduce her, hoping he'll make mistakes since she's a stranger, and it's interesting that she knows Watson hasn't told Holmes much about her, even though she's heard so much about Holmes from presumably Watson.

Holmes quite gallantly tries to dissuade her from this course together with John, but she insists, which Holmes pounces on as his get-out-of-jail-free card 🤣

Love this verbal sparring between Mary and Holmes, and how the subtextual clues of what the characters say and do subtly reveal what they're really communicating to each other ("John Watson is mine, back off!")

- We then find out that Watson was not Mary's first choice for a husband, just like Mary is not first in Watson's heart either. Her first fiance died, and she still loves her first fiance that it still hurts now, just like Watson still loves Holmes.

In any case, I digress. I love the RDJ Sherlock Holmes movies is what I'm saying, coz these are really top notch movies with fantastic acting choices from both RDJ and JL, as well as the supporting cast, great dialogue, spot-on characterisation for Holmes and Watson, and every scene serves to build character, plot, and reveal something about the characters' feelings, which they never need to explicitly talk about, because the subtextual clues like what we have in the scenes above speak loud & clear for anyone who knows how to look, like Holmes himself ;)

Really well done and thoroughly entertaining movies, my favourite films from Guy Ritchie!

If only I can still access the full movies! Would so love to do more in depth analysis like this!

[disaster-priestress-sumire]

The way Haydée and Mercédès are paralleled, and contrasted, in The Count of Monte-Cristo is so obvious.

Contrasts

Haydée represents light (it's in her very name), hope and faithfulness. Mercédès represents the past and betrayal.

At first, Mercédès refuses the vengeance and its motives. She asks the Count's forgiveness and, when it doesn't work, asks for her son to be spared because he's innocent. Haydée has her very own vengeance to fulfil.

Monte Cristo and the narrator both describe Haydée as young, while Mercédès keeps describing herself as old.

Facing hardships

Haydée bears the trials of life with dignity, even when she reports what she went through (she does express emotions, but she forces herself to explain how things happen), while Mercédès uses pathos and rarely acknowledge other people's trauma.

Past and future

For Haydée, no matters how many things hurt her, the past is something to review, to enjoy. It is also a bridge toward the future, a way to pass the time.

"I shall rejoice in the prospect of your coming, and in the evening dwell with delight on the happiness I have enjoyed in your presence; then too, when alone, I can call forth mighty pictures of the past, see vast horizons bounded only by the towering mountains of Pindus and Olympus. Oh, believe me, that when three great passions, such as sorrow, love, and gratitude fill the heart, ennui can find no place."

– Chapter 49: Haydée

For Mercédès, the past is a regret never leaving her. It's the ghost of the person she loved haunting her life, having all the reasons to hate her and her family. It's a trap in which she ultimately locks herself in, because it's the only happiness she thinks she can have.

"The bitter cup of adversity has been drained by me to the very dregs, and I feel that the grave is not far distant. You have acted kindly, count, in bringing me back to the place where I have enjoyed so much bliss. I ought to meet death on the same spot where happiness was once all my own."

– Chapter 112: The Departure

The end of the book pictures those two visions. Haydée sails with Monte Cristo toward their future (what can represent more possibilities than the open sea?) while Mercédès stays in the old house of the Dantès, surrounded by memories, waiting for her death.

Heaven, Earth and Hell

Several women are compared to angels in the book, but Haydée is the only one Monte Cristo calls that way. She's also described as a goddess. He describes himself as an angel of vengeance (so does the narrator) while the Morrels call him their guardian angel. Mercédès is on the opposite side of the spectrum. She's implied to be paralleled to the God of the Underworld, since she tries to feed Monte Cristo pomegranates (chapter 70). She doesn't belong in the heavenly sphere—she states so herself:

"I once possessed piety, innocence, and love, the three ingredients of the happiness of angels, and now what am I? (…) Like the gulf between me and the past, there is an abyss between you, Edmond, and the rest of mankind."

– Chapter 112: The Departure

(Edmond Dantès is also bound to Hell obviously... but only Edmond Dantès, who had to cross it, who died in it, to become the Count of Monte-Cristo. The narrator stops calling him Edmond Dantès after he escapes the Château d'If and sees his old home empty.)

Free will

Haydée takes up the reins of her life when she wants to, she holds herself accountable for her decisions and is ready to face the consequences.

"Although a Christian, may God forgive me, I have always sought to revenge my illustrious father. (…) [The count] is quite unaware of them, and I have but one fear, which is that he should disapprove of what I have done. But it is a glorious day for me."

– Chapter 86: The Trial

On the other hand, Mercédès does not want to. She pictures herself as a victim of the situation.

"Alas!" exclaimed Mercédès, "if it were so, if I possessed free will, but without the power to render that will efficacious, it would drive me to despair."

– Chapter 112: The Departure

Love and Death

Maybe the most important point of all (the one that matters the most to Monte Cristo).

Haydée states several times in the course of the book she'd die without Monte Cristo. Those aren't mere words: they are a fact. While the death vow token by Mercédès in Chapter 3 is empty ("If he is dead, I shall die too.") and she ends up regretting it ("I believed you dead; why did I survive you?" – Chapter 112).

[hotbellepepaz]

ok so… was on the bus today…all of a sudden…

POP NEW AU IDEA BETTER JOT THIS DOWN BEFORE IT LEAVES ME AAA-

presenting

da Inside out journalism/undercover au???

In this AU, Disgust and Envy are the stars of the show! They’re an aspiring journalist duo who hope they can get their big break with a hit story. Alongside their partner Anxiety, they have their watchful eyes on a criminal group, The Rainbow Renegades. Made up of 6 members, these guys are tough cookies to deal with, and so Disgust, Envy and Anxiety will have to use their smarts to get intel and bust these outlaws. However, the duo doesn’t know that they have a secret weapon that can help them bust the Renegades, but it won’t come out to them that easily…

Characters

Journalists

Disgust

The lead investigator. Loves dressing up and writing about gossip. She’s been doing it ever since high school. Runs a small newspaper/magazine with her sister Envy called HotGloss News. Having sewing and fashion design as a hobby, she uses this skill to her advantage and designs all sorts of disguises for the trio to use. Her biggest weakness? Bias.

Envy

Disgust’s little sister and partner. She aspires to be just like her sister when she grows up, and run her own newsletter! Despite only being 9 years old, she helps her sis in investigations and does it amazingly. I mean, nobody expects a child to be an undercover investigator! She has a blossoming friendship with Anxiety, and often wants to tag along with her when she goes out, even though she keeps insisting that she shouldn’t. Huh.

Anxiety

A friend of Disgust’s that took this job to aid the duo in getting intel. Also, it’s just fun to go undercover and spy on people. Anxiety says she’s also trying to escape something from weighing on her, but the “something” she mentions is unknown. She goes out often to run errands of her own, but always comes back out of breath, tired, and nervous. Sometimes she even seems to come back hurt in some way, which makes this habit sketchier. Little do Disgust and Envy know, she has something bigger hiding behind their back…

The Rainbow Renegades

Sunshine (Joy)

The leader of the Renegades. Always comes up with a devious plan to smash and grab. Her specialty being the “sunburst” in which she pulls out a gun and spins while pulling the trigger. Sounds cute, but it’s extremely deadly.

Flamethrower (Anger)

The Renegade best known for setting the ransacked place on fire. For some reason, it comes out of his head. (!?)

Greg (Fear)

Instead of having a super-cool alias like the other renegades, this guy just goes by “Greg”. But don’t let his vulnerable personality and look fool you, as he has strength at unbelievable levels.

Au_revoir46377 (Ennui)

The renegades’ in house hacker. Going by her online username, she finds places that got the goods they want, and locates them for the renegades to ransack. Also usually turns off all security cameras as well.

Smasher (Embarrassment)

On the same floor as Greg, but Smasher is a bit more shy to throw punches. He’d rather just take the stuff.

The most important character, out of all of them, is actually Anxiety, and for a special reason. Remember how I mentioned that she goes out fairly often, and comes back suspiciously exhausted every time? Well, that’s because she’s secretly part of the Rainbow Renegades.

Zap (Anxiety’s alter ego)

When Anxiety goes out to “run errands,” what she’s really saying is that she’s going to go meet up with her comrades, the Rainbow Renegades, and go break the law. Under the alias Zap, she is probably one of the greatest criminals the Renegades have ever had. She can pull off a heist that would usually take more than one person, all under one minute. In fact, Sunshine considers her the bestest friend and partner in crime she’s ever had! However, both sides don’t know about her identity on the other. Disgust and Envy don’t know about her criminal life as Zap. The Rainbow Renegades don’t know about her real and investigator life as Anxiety. Yet, she’s way too nervous to come out to both. She thinks she’ll either disappoint or enrage either of them. So for now, she’s just going to figure out how to live a double life.

dw guys the bakery au is still alive and well :> just gonna have my head on this one for a while… AND IM GONNA WRITE IT ON AO3-