#Also the singular sprites I used for pretty much everyone

[cresslyn]

[skyward-floored]

Of course I'd love to hear more about Courage of Ages! How do the Links meet? Which Links meet and what're they like in your story?

Aaah yes of course!! I’ll start with the how they all get stuck together:

This was all thought up before totk was anything more than singular teaser trailer so it likely doesn’t fit in with all of that, but it all starts with the Yiga. After the events of botw they’re believed to be mostly just a group of stragglers, and not much of a threat in anyone’s eyes. But they’re actually just underground, united by a new leader who wants revenge.

Link killed both their old leader and the calamity, and the Yiga want to take him out more than anything. But this new leader is smarter than Master Kohga was, and even more ambitious, and after finding some old records, has the brilliant idea that instead of taking out just this Link, they’ll take out every Link all across history.

It’ll be revenge for the countless times the hero defeated the one they worship and serve, his continued defense of the princess and protection of the land. All the Yiga need is a way to do this, and after a long and extensive search, the clan finally locates the Harp of Ages.

Which, combined with the spell they use to track Link, are going to use to forcibly bring all the heroes of courage throughout history to their time, then wipe them out all in one blow in honor and revenge for their old master and the Calamity. (Maybe even a sacrifice of that magnitude could bring him back!!)

...Problem is, the yiga kinda suck at figuring out how the harp works, and making it and their spell work together.

So instead of just bringing in all the Links in one go, the heroes are being yanked around to different times, pulled to each other like magnets, trying to figure out what’s going on and also Not Die. There are a few smaller Link groups that get formed before they all wind up together (...and then get snapped apart again), and those are the main dynamics that get formed. But they switch around a fair amount.

As for which Links? ...Pretty much all of the game ones haha. I have 13, or 14 I think? I wanted to play with a big group, and add in some Links that aren’t always in this kind of au.

Here’s a list of them all and some stuff about them :)

...

Cloud is skyward sword Link, he’s generally pretty chill and nice, but is really really annoyed he got dragged on this quest. He was in the middle of his honeymoon for Hylia’s sake. Has some white streaks in his hair from Demise’s lightning, the others say it’s because he’s old and refuse to drop it even after hearing the correct explanation.

Mini is minish cap Link, he’s the youngest out of everyone here. Gives off big innocent vibes, but he’s as fierce as anyone else in the group. Really nice and sweet, it’s surprising to everyone how good of a fighter he is. Doesn’t care too much about being seen as a kid, so long as it doesn’t cause any problems...

Kaleidoscope (Kal) is four swords Link, he’s one of the quietest of the group. He suffers some weird effects from using the four sword on his adventure, where his brain gets confused and thinks it’s running around in multiple bodies again. It usually doesn’t cause any issues. Usually. Also really good at sewing, which comes in handy quite a lot.

Sprite is ocarina of time/majora’s mask Link, and he is not happy to be here. He’s in the 12-13 range and it’s rather obvious. He thought he was done with time travel ever since that dumb war (hw) he got sucked into, and he doesn’t want to be here. At all. Especially since it seems like (at first) the one Link he wants to see again isn’t even here.

Gloam is twilight princess Link, he was the first Link to be sucked into this. Affectionately refers to anyone younger than him as puppy (which is most of the group), and sometimes has trouble not being in constant big-brother mode. Has a strange sadness about him sometimes. Worries a fair amount. Can also turn into a wolf, and while doesn’t stress about keeping it secret, he also doesn’t come out and just tell everyone. This gets confusing.

Light is four sword adventures Link, he’s a slight mix of the game and manga. He’s got a quick tongue and is seen as one of the more annoying of the group, but he’s determined to stop this threat, and one of the few actually good at working on a team. Also suffers some strange effects from the four sword, though his are more emotion-based than Kal’s. Sometimes his shadow looks weird.

Windy is windwaker/phantom hourglass Link, and he’s kind of just rolling with all of this. He already got plunked into an alternate world one time, this is kinda like that. Makes fast friends with pretty much all the others, especially Light (they’re besties lol), and can usually keep his big-brothering to a manageable level. Really good at navigation.

Spirit (Dove) is spirit tracks Link, and he’s... kind of freaked out by all of this. Yeah he can fight pretty well, but trains are really more of his thing and it’s kind of overwhelming getting yanked around through time like this especially since that one guy is the Hero of Winds what— Can also see ghosts, which is... interesting.

Hibiscus (Hib) is a Link to the past/oracle of seasons/ages/Link’s Awakening Link, and is the most experienced person here. He’s the unofficial medic, has a pretty good guess as to how they’re all being pulled through time, is very sensitive to magical changes, keeps a level head, and... kind of never got over Koholint. Looking at him you’d never guess, though. He’s made some incremental progress in that regard, but it’s also pretty hard for him to be around Cloud, who talks about his Zelda a lot. He also gets time-travel sick. Lucky him.

Hue is a link between worlds/tri force heroes Link, and has an outfit for every occasion. Seriously. He’s learning how to be a blacksmith, but he wants to go into enchanted jewelry and other stuff like that someday. Magical items fascinate him, and though he sometimes focuses more on outward appearances then he should, he’s a nice guy. Even if the green hair streaks are a bit weird.

Brownie is the original legend of Zelda/the adventure of Link Link, and he’s just. Really stressed. He went from being hunted by one cult to another, and being in such a large noisy group puts him seriously on-edge. The most skilled with magic out of their group. He tends to keep to himself, but he gravitates towards the other more quiet Links, like Kaleidoscope.

Era is hyrule warriors Link, and due to all of his time shenanigans, he doesn’t join until a bit after everyone else. The oldest of the group, and visibly stressed by the fact that there’s only a handful of adults and he’s one of them. Was really close with Sprite in the war, it was terrible for both of them when it ended. Is also in a bit of a tricky political situation when he gets pulled away, one he really didn’t want to leave in the middle of.

First is the link from the manga in the back of the Hyrule historia (with some tweaks). He is a ghost. He doesn’t know how or why he’s here. Only Spirit and Gloam even know he’s here, they’re the only two who can see him (...that they know of, and Gloam can only do it as a wolf). He can’t physically interact with barely anything, and watching all of this go down is extremely stressful. He wishes he could help.

And Slate is breath of the wild Link, and he’s convinced that this is all his fault. He’s the entire reason the Yiga are screwing with time and dragging all these heroes here (...heroes who didn’t fail...) and he’s desperate to stop them. Aside from the guilt dragging him down, he’s one of the more upbeat Links. He’s the unofficial cook, is often humming something to himself, and is the best archer by a long shot.

[ebonysplendor]

I'm a Copycat Review 👯‍♀️

TL;DR: Declan is fucking nuts, and if you thinks that's fucking nuts, wait until you figure out the MC's back story because it's also, you guessed it, fucking nuts ... fuck.

Game Link: https://drcllemlon.itch.io/im-a-copycat

Notable Features: Side-image sprites, named MC, she/her MC, Yandere LI Spiciness: 1/5 -- Pretty wholesome, for the most part. A sex scene was implied and there's a suggestive-ish cg, but...meh, super tame LI Red Flags: 3.5/5 -- Gaslighter, animal abuse, stuck in the past, physically abusive

Want to know more? Well, let's get into it!

Yeah, I don't know why I dropped the "f" bomb so many times...? Well, anyways...

Okay, so, excitingly enough, this was actually a requested game! Not only was it requested, but it was requested by the dev themselves. Allow me to flex for a singular second or two.

No, like, deadass, can everyone just forget about the game for two seconds and focus on me? Like, I'm actually hype about this! I didn't have to go game hunting! The game hunted for me. THE DEV hunted for ME. I'm just mad excited about that. That being said, if you didn't know you could send me requests, now you know lol.

Anywho, so, the game!

Admittedly, this game was a lot better than initially expected? If you've read my reviews before, you know I'm conceited and want to be absolutely immersed and live out my sick, twisted fantasy by self-inserting. Unfortunately, this game isn't a self-insert, and the start was a lil' slow, not gonna lie, but like once shit started rolling? I no longer cared about the lack of self-insert because lmaooooo it got kinda wild.

There really is something so lit about a game that you're like "...Yeah, I don't think I'm feeling this" or "I don't think I'm going to vibe with this" but then you're suddenly super invested, and you're just sitting there like "What the hell is going on?!". I can honestly say that that was exactly what happened, and gods damn it, am I glad that I stuck around for the madness.

That all being said, I think the intro is long enough. Let's get into the game, because lowkey excited to tell you guys about it. As always, I will give you as much information as possible without actually spoiling it because you just may have to gotta, really, totally play this for yourself

So, boom.

We do the generic wake up in the morning feelin' like PDiddy thing and welcome the day with positivity. After admiring the sky for a little, we notice that there is that good breakfast smell in the air and rush into the kitchen, but not before putting on the glasses that our loving boyfriend always reminds us to wear -- don't wanna trip over any steps or anything like that haha ha... ANYWAYS!

Before we see the breakfast, though, we see the absolute snack that's in front of us. The snack is bae, and the bae's name is Declan. Look at this little cinnamon roll.

To go off topic for a bit, I've seen cuter/more hot LI's but this one got the "adorkably cute" aesthetic pretty good, because he is lol. He's a dorky cute, and frankly, it's fitting.

Anywho, so we exchange our good mornings, eat our breakfast, and help Declan clean, even though he's adamant that we don't have to. I mean, sure, we could've not helped, but what kind of partner doesn't help with household chores?! Nah, we're gonna help the bae! So, we do, and...we get hurt in the process. It hurts, and Declan's freaking out a bit, but we get patched up -- even though we're not bleeding or anything -- and life is all good again.

We get dressed, making sure to wear our super cozy jacket to make sure we don't get cold -- even though, we're never cold but Declan always insists that we are -- and get our day with Declan officially started, but not before this weird little quip happens.

See, Declan gets a call from work, right, and he's trying to explain to them that we still aren't well after our car accident. Apparently, it was pretty bad, and we got some kind of amnesia from it, so Declan took some time off work to get us reacclimated to...well, life, but corporate ain't trying to hear that and told him to bring his ass back into work, like, yesterday. So, Declan somewhat finesses it and is able to get an extra day, but he's super sad that he has to leave us, and the feeling is definitely mutual. No worries though! Why? Because we've still got two days, so why not just make the most of it while he's here with us! Until...he falls ill, that is.

So, us being the amazing girlfriend that we is, we take care of Declan like he's been taking care of us. After a little while, Declan just opts for sleep, and we let him do so. Sleep does help a lot when you're sick, after all!

Tending to ourselves, we try to make ourselves a fat bowl of totally not Lucky Charms, but Luck Jewels -- totally different, and not at all the same, so don't argue with or "@" me. Whether we're eating knock off Lucky Charms or a totally different cereal doesn't matter though because there's not really any of it left except the dust, not to mention we totally wrecked the shelf while trying to find something else to eat.

This is a bit of a problem because we don't have a screwdriver to fix the shelf, and we're still damned hungry! We don't really have any choice but to go to the store, but for some reason, Declan's really weird about us leaving the house since we're still struggling with amnesia and remembering how certain things work, let alone how to actually do it properly or so he tells us. So, we put on a brave face, get dressed, take some money from his wallet, and head on out!

While scoping out the supermarket, we make note of these really bomb cupcakes in the window of a bakery and make a note to visit another day, but right now, we're on a mission, and we must stay focused, my bois! As planned, we get in there, get our cereal and a screwdriver. Okay! So far so good! Well, our plan kind've diverged when we run into this girl, and...huh...

She damn sure looks...

...a lot like us. More than a lot, actually. She's pretty much an exact copy. Well, that's...slightly uncomfortable and extremely confusing.

Clearly, she's thinking the same thing about us because she kind've rushes out before we can think any more about it or even say anything to her about it. We decide to follow suit and rush home ourselves to fix the shelf and finally eat something! We messed up a little though because we had gotten hurt -- again -- and Declan isn't exactly wearing glasses for no reason; he immediately noticed. We handle it pretty well though through some innocence and tears, and Declan drops the topic as soon as it comes up. Everything is gucci, again, and we're able to move on with our day and go to bed like normal.

The next day rolls around, Declan goes to work, and we officially have the house to ourself and our trusted stuffed companion, Bruce. After some debate, we decide that today is the day we could go to that Bakery that we saw and get some of those cupcakes that we saw in the window. When we get there, something really odd happens.

The guy who works in the bakery is talking to us like he knows us, even going as far as to mention our dad. He starts trying to follow up with us and mentioned stuff about a break up, and this evil man, and someone named Mittens and...what the hell is this guy talking about?

So, of course, we're just standing there, because we came in for cupcakes, and this man just comes out of the woodwork with all this...information, and we don't know how to respond to any of it, but here's the even wilder part. Remember that doppelgänger we had saw yesterday? She's ends up coming into the bakery during all of this, and immediately, the man takes note of his mistake and allows us to go on our way. Like...what the hell was that?

Whatever though, we eat some of our cupcakes, hide the rest when Declan comes home, skip dinner (for obvious reasons), and get to bed. Fast forwarding a bit, we end up leaving out again, and we're feeling a bit adventurous and decide to buy some hair dye to color our hair like the girl that we saw because...well, we thought it was super pretty, and we wanted to be pretty, too, so it felt like the right thing to do lol. It...didn't come out well.

Like, at all. Aside from the absolute disaster that our hair came out to be, we have an even bigger worry: How is Declan going to react when he sees us?

Yeah, that's...what I thought.

Well, now...this is damned embarrassing, but still, Declan is our sweet and loving boyfriend! He loves us! Surely he wouldn't think it silly of us to want to dye our hair. Surely he wouldn't make fun of us for failing so miserably. Surely he wouldn't get angry that we snuck out to buy the hair dye. Surely he wouldn't get angry when he figures out that this wasn't our first time sneaking out. Surely he wouldn't lash out and turn into someone he isn't...

Surely not.

And that's all I'm going to tell you! Aht, aht! Don't make that face! You know that I (usually) never tell you about how a visual novel ends! You gots to play it for yourself if you want to know how it ends, and trust me, you're going to want to know. Just a tip, this isn't even the "true" ending, and believe me when I say...

It gets pretty wild.

Okay, so this game is actually pretty good!

Y'all know I wouldn't lie to you, even if a dev specifically asks me to review their game, and let me tell you, I was not feeling it at first. I honestly truly wasn't. The start was kinda slow, there was a side-sprite of the MC, and there wasn't an option to put your own name in. I was pretty bummed because one of the main things for me is the option to self-insert, so for me, the game was kinda doomed from the start, and I probably wouldn't have downloaded it if I was just scrolling along and saw this game on my own, but listeeeeeen.

The plot itself, while it's nothing super innovative or anything, it was pretty damn solid. I really want to tell you the specifics but it would literally ruin the game as a whole. Honestly, from the title and just what I told you, you can probably gather what's going on, but how everything goes down and the information that we find out and ultimately how it all ends is a bit wild.

It's not a super choice heavy game, but the choices that are available -- and pay attention because this is about to be a "pro not really pro but something I think would be helpful to point out" tip! -- are essentially options that dictate how the second half of the story goes and what points you to the "bad" ending, the "good" ending, and the "true" ending, so keep that in mind.

The only gripe I have about the game is that the title is kind've a dead giveaway as to what's going on, especially when you play through like the first couple "scenes" or so of the game. Other than that, it's a pretty good read! It definitely kept me interested despite it being more "novely" (if you read my other review, that's a word I use to describe visual novels that have a more linear story line). Not to mention, the art style was pretty damn adorbs, and I liked that there was a lot of different CGs. I haven't run across a visual novel yet that's had as many CGs as this one has, so that was definitely a welcomed change because...well, I like art/drawings lol. Like, look at some of these images!

Ugh, the amount of CGs just scratched my brain so correctly. I am a visual novel CG slut, I tell ya. Anytime there's a CG in a visual novel? I'm all over that shit. I love CGs. CGs for life. CGs forever.

Okay, that's enough gushing about the CGs...

ANYWAYS! That is my review of the game! Again, I thought it was a pretty solid read, and I recommend! It's free, so, what have you got to waste other than time? As per usual, I provide a link at the top, bottom, and within the review, and it is right here. Don't be shy! Go ahead click it, download it, play it, and share your thoughts on the dev's game page! Send them those lovely words of reassurance to let them know "Hey you! I liked your game, and I think you should make more!". As always, donations are super helpful as well, and if you want to be extra fancy, here is a link to the dev's tumblr page!

All righty! That's all from me this time around! Drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around~!

I'm a Copycat

[aching-tummies]

RP: I’m full of a gallon of milk. My belly gurgling and rumbling up a storm; my gut is basically a ball, and I’m struggling to keep all that you shoved in my gut down, but you’ve got me…tied up…so I have to keep it in my too full tummy…

Tell me the situation, the buildup, the aftermath, one, all three…literally anything about what you’d do with my big aching tummy😩😩

Interesting. First time writing one where the asker is the one with the tummy. I usually prefer to be the one with the stomach issue...but this one inspired me I'll oblige--especially because a singular phrase popped up in my head earlier and would not leave me alone. This is a perfect scenario to use it *evil grin*

I'm not a fan of the moments when the milk is making its way into someone, mostly just the part where enough is in there to wreak havoc, so thank you for giving me options in how to handle this one ^^

Where I live we use metric...so a quick google search tells me that a gallon is 4.5ish litres if milk...wow...that's a lot of milk. I can't imagine someone actually keeping that much inside of them. I think all of the videos of the milk-gallon challenge I've seen have never had someone finish the thing without emptying their guts at least a couple of times during the duration...so I can't imagine actually having the whole 4.5 litres inside of someone all at once.

In my ideal scenario:

You went to a party thrown by one of your friends. Lots of people, lots of beer, and maybe only a handful of braincells--that kind of party. You were late to the event because we decided to do a grocery run today and you wanted the luxury of selection. Time got away from us, making you late to the party. Your friend's place was only a few blocks away from our apartment so you decided to hoof it, seeing as groceries were taking more than one trip to get up to our place. I gave you the okay to head out since you were already running late and it'd only take me a couple of more trips to get all of the groceries up to our fourth floor place. You missed out on the pizza portion of the event. No biggie. I'd no doubt have food at home you could eat later, what's a few hours of hunger.

Just as you had your heart set on trying to find drinks or maybe something to snack on, your best friends dragged you into their fun. Some of them were pretty drunk--drunk enough to suggest getting into some internet challenges. You and I aren't fans of that kind of thing--especially the dumb and dangerous ones--but with everyone around chanting and chiming in their support of the idea you have no choice but to let yourself be pulled along at their pace. A quick trip to the nearby convenience store and the pilfering of a random party-attender's hat has the four of your drawing lots. Cinnamon challenge, saltine challenge, banana-Sprite, milk gallon. You pulled the milk-gallon challenge...could be worse, at least you're not doing the banana-Sprite thing and you're starting with an empty stomach. Also, you're not lactose-intolerant...though with this amount of milk you're sure that won't matter.

The cinnamon and saltine ones go first, the other party-goers egging them on. Some brave souls join in, grabbing a spoonful of the spice or a handful of the saltines. A mess is made, but the atmosphere grows. Someone had the idea to get you and banana-Sprite to do it together. Someone suggested turning it into some kind of competition and people are already placing bets on who will puke first or who will puke the most. There are two seperate buckets, one for you and one for the other one--yeah, they're getting serious about this. There's only one milk gallon and they managed to reserve the required number of banana and the two cans of Sprite for the challenge before the rest of the lot disappeared amongst the party-goers.

...

A wet burp gurgles up your gullet and you swallow back the sour liquid coating the back of your throat. You wonder how it is that the milk can turn sour when it went down without any flavor to it not even five seconds ago. You're just shy of one fourth of the way through the gallon resting on your knee and your stomach is already starting to churn. It doesn't hurt (yet) and it's not at the point where you'll be sick, but the ominous churning has you worried, especially after what happened to banana-Sprite sitting next to you.

With a party like this, you and he are the centre of attention with a ring of party-goers egging the two of you on. Some of them got a bit too rowdy and more than a few wandering hands (and fists) made contact with banana-Sprite's gut not even two minutes after he downed the last can of Sprite. Some people in the room are calling foul as the gut punches and teasing pats would surely render the puke-pool moot. You're just glad you haven't downed enough of the milk to have your stomach bloat out quite as noticeably as your partner in suffering on the couch.

With some trepidation, you raise the gallon to your lips once more.

...

"Ugh--ow!" You shove at the arm of a particularly nasty hand that broke through to prod at your gut. A sour liquid floods your mouth and you swallow it back stubbornly. Your belly grumbles angrily at the returning liquid.

Due to the sheer number of people intent on messing with your bellies, you decreed that whomever pukes last between you and the other guy gets to keep the pot of winnings. There were a few grumbles but you threatened to quit the challenge and go home immediately if they did not agree to your terms. Some people left the party after that, realizing that the crowd had ruined the chance of a payout and the threatening aura you gave off (in part thanks to your suffering belly) scared them into leaving.

"I agreed to do the milk-gallon challenge. I did not consent to having my gut messed with during said challenge! If you want me to continue, I get the pot. Otherwise, find yourselves another cow!" You yell into the crowd.

Your banana-Sprite buddy looks at you with gratitude in his tear-filled eyes. His cheeks are ballooned out as he stubbornly holds something back, lips pressed tightly shut.

---

"URK! SPLUTA-SPLUT-PLUT---oh...fuc--OW!"

You wisely turn away as the foamy, projectile stream shoots across your peripheral vision.

"Hey! Knock it off! Get out of here!" The asshole that managed to rush into the center of things and plant a forceful punch right into the center of your partner-in-suffering's gut is shoved out of the circle. He's clearly had a few too many and he laughs.

Your couch buddy groans, rubbing his sore gut as he continues to bring up a foamy mess colored with the pizza from earlier. You take pity on him.

"Hey, congrats. Take it."

"What?"

"The bets that were on you--it's yours. What that jerk did was uncalled for. Congrats--you're done." After watching your buddy suffer and be the first to lose his gorge, you decided on a new course of action: he gets to keep his bets and you keep yours.

You swallow thickly, eyeing the 40% left of the gallon resting on your knee. You’re really bloated. Some wandering hands had undone your belt and button for you and your gut made quick work of the fly of your pants. At some point, the wandering hands had hiked up both of your shirts, revealing both your belly and his as the guts got fuller and fuller. Your buddy was showing long before you due to the reaction of his challenge, but you weren't far behind because you had opted to down the second litre in one shot rather than let yourself assess the state of your stomach.

"UL-URP!" A harsh belch is forced out of you as the wandering hands return, rubbing deeply into your smooth gut. You swat at the hands as the pressure increases, not wanting to lose your gorge. That's another thing the wandering hands have been doing--you've had no shortage of belly rubs since the second litre disappeared down your throat. Litre number three is proving to be a challenge, especially because the feeling of foreign hands pressing into your stomach have been such a major distraction.

"Aww...runnin' out of room in there, sweetie?" Some patronizing coo sounds from the crowd and you imagine matching that voice with the soothing rubs from the wandering hand on the upper left, stroking at your ribs more than at your belly...though the ministrations are going right to your engorged stomach organ. It’s thanks to these wandering hands that the milk has burned through you so quickly. Most of the first litre has travelled down, bloating up your intestines rather than your stomach.

"We could make more room." This voice is rougher, like the owner smokes a pack or two a day. You've matched it to a hand on the center of your belly. This one has been wandering around a bit, sometimes squeezing at the side of your gut and causing stuff to rise up your esophagus, and other times patting the crest of your full belly, upsetting the churning inside.

The stubborn hand doesn't relent.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Push until you puke!" The exclamation is punctuated by a harsh increase in pressure from one of the foreign hands on your gut (there were three). Your eyes widen and before you realize what happened a torrent of white liquid gushes out of you. It's like a dam bursting and once it starts it just doesn't stop. Your belly contracts, painfully ejecting more and more of the milk up and out.

You try, weakly, to remove the hands pressing harshly into your belly but your clenching abdominals don't allow you to focus on much else. Vaguely, you hear some of your friends telling them all off.

...

You groan as you stumble along the sidewalks. It's dark out and there's nobody around this late at night. You're grateful for that as you make quite a nasty sight, stumbling around as though you are drunk and cradling your belly. You didn’t even have any alcohol at the party. No—the only thing that has gone in your gut all day has been a gallon of milk.

It's usually a twenty-minute walk to your friend's place, but it's been well over forty minutes since you left. There weren't many people left after the banana-Sprite guy finished his challenge. He was one of the ones defending you and telling off the people responsible for forcing you to puke. He also defended your earnings, slapping away hands that tried to help themselves to their bets and all. He made sure you got your winnings after enduring that hell. One of the onlookers got defensive and threw in another condition on your night: you could keep their fifty-dollar contribution to your pool, but you had to finish the gallon and keep it down before his eyes.

Your banana-Sprite buddy coached you through finishing the last of the gallon. Honestly, you felt like a dish-rag, being saturated by liquid, wrung out, and then saturated again. Your stomach felt like it was put through the wringer with how badly it ached but your buddy didn’t let you give up and he made sure no more wandering hands or fists got to you while you painstakingly finished the last litre and a half of the gallon.

The stubborn onlooker had stayed behind to watch you swallow back your gorge for a while yet until your friends kicked him out of the house. He had tried to get handsy while you were occupied trying to chug the last bit of the gallon. The others had shoved him back and kept the cash-pool well away from the asshole. Eventually, the jerk left, kicking a trash can as he stormed off of the driveway.

While your buddy cleaned up, he ushered you to go home rather than help out. The only ones left were you, and the friend that lived at the house (and their partner). They eyed your engorged belly with worried glances. Feeling bad for not aiding in the clean-up effort, you refused the offer to drive you back home and stumbled out, hoping the walk home would settle your turbulent belly.

...

Ugh…why’s half’ta be fourth floor?!

You’re a groaning, moaning mess as you perform the monumental feat of getting your right leg up to meet the flat part of the next step. The long walk didn’t settle your tummy, but it moved everything a bit lower down. Your entire digestive tract is still completely saturated by milk. You’ve been very careful going up the stairs, angling yourself in a way that ensures you won’t knee yourself in the belly as the griping spasms of your angry guts cause you to be perpetually hunched over for the trip. Your hands go back and forth between white-knuckling the handrail, lest gravity take back your progress; and clutching at your griping belly. Sometimes it’s a singular, massive cramp…but when it’s not doing that it’s like half a dozen smaller, still painful cramps exploding all over your abdomen. The noises are just as intense as the pain, echoing through the cement stairwell and coming back at you. You’re inadvertently starting a legend for this condo building—the urban legend of the snarling beast that haunts the stairwell. The bedrooms that are adjacent to the stairwell hear every gripe, grumble, curse, and moan as they echo from you. Children, teens, and young adults from all around will tell the tale of the haunted stairwell for decades to come.

The elevator stopped working at some point while we were out. I messaged you to let you know to plan to use the stairs whenever you got around to coming home. The stairs were a pretty big inconvenience to me because it meant I ended up having to make more trips back and forth from the car to our apartment than I had initially planned. Still, I managed to get all of our groceries up. Honestly, you think that what you have rivals what I had to do with how dense and heavy your tummy feels.

Your stomach has been cramping, convulsing, seemingly complaining. Every twinge from it translates into words in your mind and you imagine your abused tummy is petulantly crying out, “Too. Much. Milk!” The image of a cartoon belly with a picket sign protesting the flood of thick liquid has you chuckling, swallowing back a mouthful of sick that your gut tries to force out. You refuse to be the jerk that throws up in the stairwell and stinks it up for weeks to come. You don’t have it in you to clean it up tonight and you don’t want to get in trouble with the building managers.

Every step is agony, shaking up your gut as it is. To be fair, you don’t think you’d have fared any better if the elevator had been working. It’d be a shorter endeavor, but the vertigo that you get when the elevator starts travelling would have surely caused you to vomit. Well, gravity would have dragged your innards downwards going up. The image of a paper grocery bag with it’s bottom burst open enters your mind and your stomach cramps sharply. Yeah…the stairs are an ordeal, but it’s better than your guts rupturing from the weight of all this milk bursting your very-bloated insides.

Sitting down with a huff, you look up and the number ‘2’ on a plaque next to the doorway seems to taunt you. Your guts let out a burbling whine and you pat at it. It seems to understand that even after all that turbulence you’re not even halfway to the apartment.

…

“Ul…uhgh….mmmmph…” You let out something caught between a moan and a whine as your stomach seizes yet again. “Ungh…p-please…n-no more…” You groan pathetically, begging me not to put more into your overtaxed gut.

You had texted earlier, letting me know you had missed the pizza at the party and would be coming home hungry. I’d originally planned to just whip up some quick instant noodles for myself but when I realized you were requesting dinner I decided to pull out all the stops and make a rich and creamy noodle casserole. We had just bought ourselves a two litre of milk. I usually only opt for one litre or less if I can get it because I don’t use a lot of it but the smallest quantity the store had was two today so I was looking up ways to use it up. Along with the casserole, I also made garlic scalloped potatoes with extra creamy sauce—your favorite…probably no longer you favorite after tonight.

When you walked in the door looking green and very, very bloated I just couldn’t help myself. The two of us are no strangers to tummy kink. I immediately got you to confirm your safeword and that’s when the blindfold went on. You tried to beg off of dinner but I did not spend all afternoon cooking and keeping myself hungry just to shove it all into the fridge without either of us getting to indulge in a very late dinner. You didn’t even get a chance to see what it was that I had made for us so you were left to puzzle it out based on smell and taste alone. You nearly wept when you tasted the creamy, milky sauces. More milk.

“So…what’d they put in here? Did they rupture a keg and put you forth as a hasty replacement?” My tone is teasing, just like my fingers lightly dancing over your stretched gut, still miraculously covered by your shirt. Your belly burbles angrily, casserole and potatoes churning around in their milky environment.

“Ugh…url…n-no…” You try desperately to burp, to relieve even a little of the pressure in your gut. If there were any air left in your guts it certainly isn’t going anywhere fast. I don’t need to have magic hands to do it—the heavy pasta and potatoes is clogging up the works, acting like a dense cap preventing anything from going back up your esophagus. If your abdominals weren’t shot from your rounds of (forced) vomiting at the party they might have the strength to clench and power through the dense food, but all of the muscles in your abdomen are completely worn out and sore. There’s no way you have it in you to get anything up and out any time soon.

At this point I’ve basically achieved complete mastery over your digestive tract. I know where to push and where to rub and how much pressure to apply in order to keep things exactly where I want them in your guts. Our record was four hours of keeping some thick sludge that was once a hearty meal teetering between your duodenum and the beginnings of your large intestine. I would let it get to the first sharp turn of your intestines only to push it back up to your duodenum, and on and on.

I secured your hands to the dining chair as soon as I finished tying off the blindfold. I’m currently straddling your lap…or what little of it there is, occasionally feeding you bites of dinner while being entranced by the state of your stomach.

We’ve indulged in stuffing on occasion, but I have never seen your belly anywhere near as distended as it is tonight. It’s taut, practically ball-like, and it looks so painfully stretched that I honestly think if I were to jab it with one of my sewing pins you’d rupture like a water-balloon. Well, a milk-balloon, I guess. You had managed to tell me what had transpired throughout the course of dinner, between moans and groans, of course.

Surprisingly, your stomach isn’t as vocal as you are about your predicament. You told me that the sheer amount of milk had caused a massive upset and that it was really loud in the stairwell, but since I started feeding you it’s gone quiet. It’s too densely packed to allow much activity—especially because the potatoes have definitely absorbed a lot of the milk that was already in your guts. You tell me all of this, describing it like something dense is being expanded in you.

A large part of you really wants to use your safeword. Your gut hurts so much. You’re beyond pain at this point. Even so, a part of you also knows that this is a rare opportunity. We both love belly kink but neither of us has ever taken things to this level before and we’re not likely to again. Neither of us had any interest in attempting the milk gallon challenge on our own. We’d talked about it and watched videos on it and had tried with single litres of milk before…but neither of us had the willpower to get through much more than that. Peer-pressure sucks and it’s a bad thing…but it managed to get you to do something we’d never have experienced on our own.

“Unngh…p-please…t-too full…t-too tight…t-too m-much…p-please?”

“What? Want my hands? Alright.” I press my palms into your solid mass of a belly and the pressure makes you cry out sharply. It takes me by surprise. I hadn’t even applied that much pressure.

“NO! Ungh…n-no!” I take my hands off of your tummy, realizing that you’re actually crying. “T-Too full…f-for…rubs…” You whimper sheepishly, squirming in your bonds as you try to find a position that’ll stop the angry aches exploding across your tummy.

“N-No more…p-please…n-no more…” You mutter softly, sniffling.

“Alright. I guess we’re done with dinner. Want me to untie you and we’ll go to bed?” You nod, swallowing back against a thick paste that fights to inch up your esophagus. At some point we were no longer even stuffing your belly. Max capacity had been reached and the last three spoonfuls are still clogging up your esophagus.

You’re well and truly stuffed. With just the milk it was sickening and sloshy, but it was manageable. With the addition of such heavy foods soaking up the mess, everything from your esophagus to your small intestines are packed tight with a paste-y mess of milk-saturated potatoes and pasta. You can’t see it, but you feel like your stomach must have stretched a good three inches since I tied you up. If your pants weren’t already undone and around your hips from the party you’d have definitely burst a button with everything I forced into you.

I untie your arms and you rub at them. Before you can reach up to take off your blindfold a harsh slap to the side of your belly has you crying out and forgetting all about the blindfold.

“Leave it on.” I order. Nodding, you get up with the aid of my hand. I lead you to the bedroom, taking a bit of sick pleasure when your distended gut makes contact with a bedpost as you scramble into bed.

Your belly domes out high above you and I can’t help but giggle at the sticker I slapped on there as a last-minute addition. ‘Contents under high pressure’. I saw it on our emergency fire-extinguisher and I just couldn’t help myself. Welp, you’ll find it tomorrow and hopefully find it as funny as I do. If not…well…I’m counting on your heavy gut weighing you down enough for me to outrun you.

[thewebcomicsreview]

Hey, it’s Hamsteak 2! The last double update month since they fell below 2000 patrons.

Previously, on Homestuck, Jane blew up John’s home, and he’s been stuck there.

For a second I thought this was inexplicably John’s dad back from the dead, but I presume it’s Solid Karkat

Post Theme:

Yep, there we go. The red outline on the eyepatch is a bit much, but otherwise it’s a solid post-apocalypse outfit. Also one with no Cancer symbol, so if Kanaya’s new outfit not having the Virgo and Vrissy not having a Scorpio didn’t confirm it already, looks like Candyland trolls don’t use signs anymore (even though Meat Karkat still does). 

KARKAT: ROUGH DAY, HUH.

Nice subtle reference. I’m reading this in David Hayter’s voice.

The hard transition from that hero shot back to the standard sprites is great, and I think one of the few times either Homestuck has actually been funny with its multiple art styles.

JOHN: i guess i'm used to thinking of home as somewhere far away from all that war stuff.

KARKAT: JESUS *CHRIST* JOHN.

KARKAT: I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO LIST ALL THE WAYS IN WHICH THAT CONSTITUTES A SHORT-SIGHTED AND PUKE-WORTHILY IGNORANT THING TO SAY TO ME, PERSONALLY.

I gotta admit, I was kind of hoping that Karkat would just straight-up be Big Boss now and not even vaguely resemble his HS1 self. 

KARKAT: NOT WANTING TO POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS, BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS WAS A PROBLEM THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WERE UNIQUELY AND MAGICALLY EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH. JOHN: huh? KARKAT: YOU KNOW. KARKAT: WITH YOUR SHOOSH THING. JOHN: my shoosh thing. KARKAT: YOUR SHOOSH THING. KARKAT: THE GUSTY NONSENSE? THE GIFT OF GAS?? KARKAT: YOUR SBURB ALLOCATED BLOW JOB???

Karkat speaks on behalf of the forums asking why John didn’t just put out the fire. Apparently John didn’t think of it. Which, in fairness, John’s kind of slow.

KARKAT: OH BOY. WHERE TO START.

KARKAT: SO FIRST OFF, IN HINDSIGHT, TODAY WAS PRETTY OBVIOUSLY JUST ONE HUGE BAITED TRAP.

KARKAT: I SAY "IN HINDSIGHT", BUT FORTUNATELY IT WAS ALSO EXTREMELY APPARENT EVEN IN FORESIGHT TO THOSE OF US WHO SPENT A FEW SECONDS THINKING ABOUT IT.

JOHN: ...right.

KARKAT: OH COME ON EGBERT, SERIOUSLY?KARKAT: KIDNAPPING A PERSON OF IMPORTANCE, ONLY TO LET US KNOW PRECISELY WHERE AND ON WHAT OCCASION THEY WOULD BE MOST ACCESSIBLE FOR A RESCUE ATTEMPT?

KARKAT: HAVING THAT OCCASION BE NONE OTHER THAN THE CORPSE PARTY OF A HIGHLY NOTEWORTHY POLITICAL FIGURE, WHOSE CASKET MIGHT AS WELL HAVE HAD A GIANT "KICK ME" SIGN DAUBED ON IT?

KARKAT: THERE WAS BASICALLY NO WAY IT WASN'T A FRONT FOR SOMETHING HUGE. AND IT WAS!

Oh boy.

So, there’s a little bit of a meta “Ha ha, you thought Jane’s nonsense plan was us being bad writers but it actually made sense!” going on here, but if Homestuck 2 is going to have Gamzee’s corpse randomly teleport into a closet and explain it behind a patreon paywall or have two NPCs with silly names that are subtle Easter eggs paired with an NPC who’s silly name is just a silly name and the joke’s on you for trying to figure it out, you can’t then turn around and dunk on your audience for not thinking enough about what’s happening in the story. I’ve tried thinking about Homestuck 2 and making predictions, and I’ve repeatedly been punished for it with sloppy nonsense non-answers. You can’t make fun of the readership for not analyzing the events of your story when half the fucking thesis statement of your story is dunking on the kind of reader who likes to analyze stuff! You’ve trained me not to think critically about Homestuck 2, and if this is an attempt to try to retrain me then fine but you can’t be surprised this happened. If your story doesn’t make sense and someone strange happens, people will just repeat to themselves “It’s just a show, I should really just relax”.

KARKAT: THE VRISKAS, PLURAL.

JOHN: shit.

KARKAT: THEY'VE BOTH BEEN CAPTURED.

JOHN: shiiiiiiiit.

On the one hand, it’s deeply hilarious and cosmically fitting that Vriska’s “Walk into the trap on purpose so as to heroically fight our way out of it” plan failed. One the other hand, how did a handful of human mooks defeat Vriska, who is on the same power level as Bec Noir? 

KARKAT: YOU LITERALLY HAD ONLY ONE JOB, AND YOU MESSED IT UP IN THE EQUALLY SINGULAR WAY IT WAS POSSIBLE TO DO.

JOHN: urgh, i know, i know. ):

(Also John FYI you have a son somewhere you really ought to be more concerned about right now)

JOHN: doesn't vriska, the original vriska, still have her magic alien mind control powers?

JOHN: it seems like it should be basically impossible for anyone to kidnap her.

Okay, fine, you’re addressing this and it’s a mystery I’m supposed to speculate over. Cool. If Homestuck 2 is making a concerted effort to present mysteries and then answer them instead of just being nonsense, that’s a change in direction I welcome.

JOHN: no offense, but when you're around, it's usually a lot...

KARKAT: A LOT WHAT?

JOHN: a lot funnier.

KARKAT: FUNNIER.

JOHN: how to put this.

JOHN: normally listening to you go on and on about how much we've fucked everything up is just very funny!

JOHN: but now it's just not the same.

JOHN: maybe it's part of what's going on with this entire reality? i don't know.

Christ, this comic is so fucking meta. 

KARKAT: I APPRECIATE THAT YOU SEEM TO HAVE DUG YOUR PAN OUT OF YOUR OWN CHUTE THE FEW MICROMETERS NECESSARY TO NOTICE THE PRECISE DEGREE TO WHICH THE WORLD IS BEING JUDICIOUSLY BATFUCKED RIGHT NOW.

KARKAT: AS HARD AS IT IS TO BELIEVE, THAT'S A FEAT WHICH NO SMALL NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF DOING!

KARKAT: BUT NOTICING THE PROBLEM AND MAKING MEANINGFUL PROGRESS TOWARDS SOLVING IT ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS.

KARKAT: THE NEXT TIME YOU GET THE IMPULSE TO "LEND A HAND", YOU'D BE BETTER OFF CANNING IT FOR FIVE MINUTES AND LISTENING TO THOSE OF US WHO'VE BEEN TRYING TO SOLVE IT A LOT LONGER THAN YOU HAVE.

KARKAT: THIS ISN'T AN EXERCISE BEING CONDUCTED IN ORDER FOR YOU TO PROVE YOUR PERSONAL DEGREE OF MORAL RECTITUDE.

KARKAT: AND IF IT WAS, YOU WOULD HAVE ALREADY FAILED MISERABLY! SO DO YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE A FAVOR AND STOP TREATING IT LIKE ONE.

DO YOU GET IT. IT’S ABOUT CAPITALISM. KARKAT IS A PORTLAND PROTESTER AND JOHN IS A WHITE LIBERAL. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTOOD THAT AND I WASN’T BEING TOO SUBTLE.

Anyway, long story short everyone told Karkat about Yiffy but neglected to mention that Dave was presumed KIA. That was rather rude of them.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-10-31

THE SPOOKTOBER SPOOKD8 IS HERE!  Time to blog it and hope to the lord of bones that it heavily features the 12-foot Home Depot Skeleton!  Continuing from last time.

Will John remember that he should be off protecting the other kids from running off?  Or will he search for Vrissy finally, now that he’s spent a literal DAY staring at his house burning down?

> (==>)

This is the last Blood tie with your childhood and the past you were clinging to like a man-child, finally cut.  Your psyche is no longer allowed to be....

....Housetrapped.

Now get your Breathy ass over to your more adult responsibilities.  Or do something as irresponsible as usual, but more forward focused and thus singularly impressive.

> (==>)

I LITERALLY GASPED

I knew I was a fatally addicted Homestuck fanboy despite the trauma but I didn’t know I was THAT much of a just-over-thirty-year-old fanboy, I literally GASPED out loud.  To finally have the joy and confidence for the future that comes with JOHN and KARKAT together IN PERSON and interacting with a common goal.

What a dramatic, perfect shot.  This IS Karkat right?  That’s what the visuals and my heart and soul said

> (==>)

THEY’RE CLOSE FRIENDS

CLOSE ENOUGH FOR THAT

KARKAT HAS COME SO FAR

Karkat and John conversations are some of the strongest in Homestuck, I ship them as FRIENDS so hard

It brings to mind something I mentioned in the Breath, Blood, and the Flow of Reality explanation/theorypost, which was holy shit SEVEN YEARS AGO wow

I didn’t always understand the appeal of John as a character, ranking him in the middle of my liked characters list. But after a while, I suddenly noticed how enjoyable he was for the things his conversations did to others, making his pesterlogs some of the most enjoyable to read. I wrote the following two years ago, in a character rankings thread, back when we knew jack shit about the import of classes and roles:

“I didn’t really see why I should think John was such an amazing character until I realized his consistent effect on the other party. He’s goofy and doesn’t really understand anything, but he understands just enough about his friends and others to make cutting, hilarious, almost unintentional insights that can change people for the better, even if he’s off the mark. It’s not what he says himself, but what he brings about in others that makes him so great to read. I mean, if you wall him off from everyone else… he kind of fails.

That’s why I take issue with the complaint of protagonist syndrome, here. John is very little by himself, but enhances all the characters around him immensely. Imagine if John were doomed to stay the least powerful and/or game-advancing of the kids and trolls combined; notice how little that would do to the story, or his beneficial role in it.”

John cut himself off from EVERYONE for YEARS in the Candy timeline.  He tried to be close to people and just ended up distancing himself from it.  He tried to keep himself tied down by his old home and memories of the version of Dad he lost, and all sorts of childish stuff.  But that tie is cut, and the bonds he’s forged need to be grasped to bring him out to exercise his maturity, because Breath is futile without real BLOOD.

> (==>)

Awesome shot.

KARKAT: ROUGH DAY, HUH.

(that was supposed to skip to 2:26 when you click but I couldnt embed it that way -- I haven’t metal geared i just seen clips and super best friends & know some memes)

So many scars.  I used to even ship Jane and Karkat a little so they could just be aghast together at everyone’s shenanigans and level criticism at them together, but to think Jane’s fought and hurt Karkat THIS much...

(And yeah, his blood color is shown through his eyes now at this age, that’s correct.)

> (==>)

Oh my fucking god, going from that to Sprite mode that abruptly.  XD

This is great.

JOHN: karkat? JOHN: what are you doing here? KARKAT: IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU TOO.

Hah, SO close that Karkat’s immediately critical of NOT being greeted warmly.  :)

JOHN: this isn't a battlefield, it's just... KARKAT: THE OBLITERATED, SMOLDERING HUSK OF YOUR FORMER HOME. JOHN: well, yeah. KARKAT: WHICH WAS DESTROYED AS COLLATERAL IN AN ONGOING MILITARY CONFLICT. JOHN: oh all right, fine. JOHN: it just feels weird to call it that. JOHN: i guess i'm used to thinking of home as somewhere far away from all that war stuff.

Yeah John, the burning down from a bomb that was meant for you and ALL of your friends’ children is supposed to shatter you out of that illusion.

I’d continue criticizing, but Karkat’s about to do it for me:

KARKAT: JESUS *CHRIST* JOHN. KARKAT: I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO LIST ALL THE WAYS IN WHICH THAT CONSTITUTES A SHORT-SIGHTED AND PUKE-WORTHILY IGNORANT THING TO SAY TO ME, PERSONALLY. KARKAT: AND FRANKLY I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BOTHER, THANKS TO THE COUNTLESS FIRES I HAVE BEEN PUTTING OUT ALL DAY, THE ONE PRESENTLY CONSUMING YOUR HIVE NOTWITHSTANDING. KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE MADE THINGS GO A BIT MORE SMOOTHLY? JUST A FRACTION? KARKAT: IF YOU HADN'T JUST DECIDED TO WANDER OFF THE INSTANT SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. JOHN: jeez, i'm sorry karkat. JOHN: i had no idea how much time had passed. JOHN: i must have gotten a bit distracted by my house being blown up.

A BIT DISTRACTED.  You empty-headed irresponsible guardian.

KARKAT: NOT WANTING TO POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS, BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS WAS A PROBLEM THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WERE UNIQUELY AND MAGICALLY EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH. JOHN: huh? KARKAT: YOU KNOW. KARKAT: WITH YOUR SHOOSH THING. JOHN: my shoosh thing. KARKAT: YOUR SHOOSH THING. KARKAT: THE GUSTY NONSENSE? THE GIFT OF GAS?? KARKAT: YOUR SBURB ALLOCATED BLOW JOB??? JOHN: uh. KARKAT: THE SUPERNATURAL COMMUNION YOU HAVE WITH ALL THINGS WINDY, YOU ASS!! JOHN: oh right, that. JOHN: that would have let me put the fire out, maybe. JOHN: i don't think there's anything in my skillset that would have unexploded my house though. KARKAT: THAT'S FAIR.

Mhmm.  Many of the characters in Candy AND Meat are currently in a situation where due to either years of unpractice in a worshipful society that discourages it by fueling their insecurities or inability to due to confinement in a years-long space trip has caused them to AVOID using their powers for the main beginning stretch of our new story.  People have complained about them outright “forgetting” to use their powers, and they’re right, to an extent, but it’s story-justified.  They’re almost all physically or psychologically prevented from doing so!  But those walls are coming down, starting now.  They’re going to come back into their own.  And we’re bound to see a LOT MORE of these literal Gods using their abilities to shape the fabric of reality as the story progresses.

JOHN: i suppose i'll add one more notch to the daily tally of crazy stuff that happened which i just have to accept as my life now.

It was all already happening, you just refused TO accept it until now.

JOHN: so... JOHN: what else happened while i was caught up watching the symbolic representation of my former life get consumed in a giant fire ball? KARKAT: OH BOY. WHERE TO START. KARKAT: SO FIRST OFF, IN HINDSIGHT, TODAY WAS PRETTY OBVIOUSLY JUST ONE HUGE BAITED TRAP. KARKAT: I SAY "IN HINDSIGHT", BUT FORTUNATELY IT WAS ALSO EXTREMELY APPARENT EVEN IN FORESIGHT TO THOSE OF US WHO SPENT A FEW SECONDS THINKING ABOUT IT. JOHN: ...right. KARKAT: OH COME ON EGBERT, SERIOUSLY? KARKAT: KIDNAPPING A PERSON OF IMPORTANCE, ONLY TO LET US KNOW PRECISELY WHERE AND ON WHAT OCCASION THEY WOULD BE MOST ACCESSIBLE FOR A RESCUE ATTEMPT? KARKAT: HAVING THAT OCCASION BE NONE OTHER THAN THE CORPSE PARTY OF A HIGHLY NOTEWORTHY POLITICAL FIGURE, WHOSE CASKET MIGHT AS WELL HAVE HAD A GIANT "KICK ME" SIGN DAUBED ON IT? KARKAT: THERE WAS BASICALLY NO WAY IT WASN'T A FRONT FOR SOMETHING HUGE. AND IT WAS! KARKAT: WE HAPPEN TO BE SITTING IN FRONT OF ONE FACET OF THAT HUGENESS AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

Wait.  Oh, God.

Someone brought up the possibility that Gamzee might still be revivable by Jane, and I speculated that she’s deliberately CHOOSING not to because she actually doesn’t like him that much or has some semblance of fucking sense left in her.

But what if she PLANNED to have a public funeral for him, and then revive him SOON AFTER to turn him into a Christ-like resurrecting figure?  D:

JOHN: well, when you put it like that... JOHN: i guess we all got pranked pretty hard, huh. KARKAT: THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR SHITTY NERD PRANKS JOHN. KARKAT: FRANKLY I'M INSULTED THAT YOU THINK SUCH A WORD IS EVEN REMOTELY APPOSITE TO THE PRESENT SITUATION. KARKAT: OTHER THAN TO DESCRIBE THE WAY I AM PERSONALLY BEING "PRANKED" BY REALITY IN HAVING TO EXPLAIN ALL THIS TO YOU.

Pretty much.  Get serious, John, actual people are dying by the--

--oh right, he was like this through the apocalypse and death of everyone on Earth.

I guess this is in character.  Paradox Space made sure to choose someone empty-headed and disconnected from reality enough to withstand this shit easily.  He really is a Breath player.

KARKAT: IT TURNS OUT THAT WE DIDN'T NEED TO PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO THE RESCUING YIFFY PART OF THE OPERATION. KARKAT: SHE BASICALLY RESCUED HERSELF WHEN ALL WAS SAID AND DONE. KARKAT: AND TOOK CARE OF KICKING GAMZEE'S CORPSEBOX OVER WHILE SHE WAS AT IT, IN A STUNNING DISPLAY OF EFFICIENCY WHICH THE REST OF US CAN ONLY ASPIRE TO.

Excellent, yeah.

JOHN: it sounds like she'd be a pretty welcome addition to your ranks then. KARKAT: SHE'S A CHILD, YOU MORON.

Yeah, you’re fucking grown up now, John.  Stop thinking of the kids as the ones who have to rise up when the adults aren’t all doomed or dead.

KARKAT: THE VRISKAS, PLURAL. JOHN: shit. KARKAT: THEY'VE BOTH BEEN CAPTURED. JOHN: shiiiiiiiit. KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: GREAT WORK KEEPING AN EYE ON THEM, BY THE WAY! KARKAT: YOU LITERALLY HAD ONLY ONE JOB, AND YOU MESSED IT UP IN THE EQUALLY SINGULAR WAY IT WAS POSSIBLE TO DO. JOHN: urgh, i know, i know. ):

At least he messed that part up while he was TRYING to watch them, and not when he wandered off and watched his house burn for a whole day instead of protecting the remaining kids.

KARKAT: JANE'S PLAN FOR THIS CONFLICT HAS THUS FAR CONSISTED ALMOST ENTIRELY OF KIDNAPPING VARIOUS HIGH PROFILE CHILDREN. KARKAT: IT'S BIZARRE. KARKAT: AS THOUGH WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR OF ATTRITION, WHERE THE MAIN RESOURCE BEING UTILIZED IS THE OFFSPRING OF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET. KARKAT: IF IT WASN'T ONE OF THE CORE TENETS OF HER FASCISTIC PHILOSOPHY, I'D BE TEMPTED TO SAY THAT CURBING REPRODUCTION MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA, IF ONLY TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF FUCKSHIT NONSENSE FROM HAPPENING.

Leave it to Karkat to point out the blatant absurdity of Homestuck’s nonsense in any given situation.

JOHN: wait. JOHN: wait a minute. JOHN: you said that both vriskas have been captured, right? KARKAT: EXCUSE ME WHILE I WEEP FOR JOY AT THE REVELATION THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION FOR ONCE. JOHN: okay, well putting that emotional outburst aside for a moment. JOHN: how is that even possible? JOHN: doesn't vriska, the original vriska, still have her magic alien mind control powers? JOHN: it seems like it should be basically impossible for anyone to kidnap her. KARKAT: YOU'VE STUMBLED ASS BACKWARDS ACROSS THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT OF THIS UNFORTUNATE DEVELOPMENT.

...Is Karkat going to put two and two together and realize that Vriska must have been intentionally captured of her own free will for some sort of ploy?

KARKAT: YOU ARE CORRECT, IN THAT WITH HER CASTE-TYPICAL, *COMPLETELY SCIENTIFIC AND NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT MAGICAL* PSYCHOMANIPULATIVE ABILITIES, STAYING OUT OF CROCKER'S REACH SHOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY TRIVIAL FOR SERKET PRIME. KARKAT: EVEN ACCOUNTING FOR THE FACT THAT SAID ABILITIES ARE NOT NEARLY AS POTENT ON HUMANS AS THEY ARE ON FELLOW TROLLS, THEY STILL OUGHT TO HAVE TIPPED ANY ALTERCATION SQUARELY IN HER FAVOR. KARKAT: BUT SOMEHOW, IT DIDN'T! KARKAT: INSTEAD, THINGS APPEAR TO HAVE GONE GLOBES UP IN CLASSIC VRISKITE FASHION, AND NOW ONE OF THE MOST UNEXPECTED AND UNWANTED BUT NEVERTHELESS USEFUL WEAPONS IN OUR ARSENAL IS DOING TIME IN CROCKERJAIL. KARKAT: THAT'S ABOUT ALL WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO GLEAN FROM TAPPING INTO THE BATTERBITCH AIRWAVES, WHICH IS A FANCY TERM FOR EAVESDROPPING ON THOSE OF HER AGENTS WHO TALK A LITTLE TOO LOUDLY IN SEMI-PUBLIC SPACES. JOHN: jeez. JOHN: i really screwed that up, didn't i.

Guh.  I guess Karkat is underestimating Vriska a bit or just assuming the worst out of a habit of assuming the worst of everything.  (Or, if he has his suspicions, he’s not telling John.)

KARKAT: HAVING SAID ALL OF THAT, AND WITH THE RECOGNITION THAT I AM CHOOSING TO NURSE YOUR BRUISED FEELINGS DURING A PLANET WIDE CONFLICT FOR THE FATE OF MY SPECIES, KARKAT: IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO EXPEDITE YOUR GETTING THE FUCK OVER IT? JOHN: i... hm.

Yeah, use your shoosh-paps from Karkat wisely, John.  You needed them.

JOHN: i don't really know? JOHN: this all feels wrong, karkat. JOHN: no offense, but when you're around, it's usually a lot... KARKAT: A LOT WHAT? JOHN: a lot funnier. KARKAT: FUNNIER. JOHN: how to put this. JOHN: normally listening to you go on and on about how much we've fucked everything up is just very funny! JOHN: but now it's just not the same. JOHN: maybe it's part of what's going on with this entire reality? i don't know. JOHN: once upon a time i would have put down your ability to pull a silly rant out of your butt as a fundamental law of physics or something. JOHN: remember back when we first knew each other? JOHN: it felt like all you ever said to me was how much you thought i was screwing up and being a useless asshole. JOHN: and once i realized that you were also just a dumb kid who didn't know what was going on, i started to kind of enjoy it. JOHN: but now it's like... the only one who's still a dumb kid is me, and everyone else has something big and important going on that i just don't understand.

Mhmm, Karkat has every reason to be mad.  And everything really, REALLY close to you that you care about is in danger from the very things he’s mad about.  Karkat is RIGHT for once with every angry seemingly-exaggerated-but-not word, and that’s throwing you.

JOHN: i thought that i finally got what was going on with this whole war and everything. i wanted to be useful! JOHN: i guess i got a little too wrapped up in the feeling of something finally happening again. JOHN: and then watching it all blow up in my face, kind of literally now that i think about it...

...you think maybe something that happens to be A WAR is actually a big farking deal that you should be serious about??

JOHN: it's hard not to feel even more dejected about the situation than i was before. JOHN: and now even the patented karkat vant rant has lost all its sparkle.

IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

JOHN: maybe if you had like, painstakingly itemized a list of all the things wrong with my plan in a comically overdone fashion or something. KARKAT: I CONSIDERED IT, BUT HONESTLY THERE WAS SO MUCH WRONG THAT I CONCLUDED THAT THE BEST THING FOR EVERYONE WOULD BE TO NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN. JOHN: oh. okay.

Heheh.

KARKAT: IF WE'RE BEING HONEST, YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A PLAN, JOHN. KARKAT: CALLING IT A PLAN WOULD IMPLY THAT IT WAS A STRUCTURED SEQUENCE OF STEPS DESIGNED TO ACHIEVE A GOAL. KARKAT: WHAT YOU CAME UP WITH WAS A CONVOLUTED MESS WHICH STILL SOMEHOW INVOLVED DOING FUCKALL. KARKAT: AND I USE CONVOLUTED HERE IN THE SAME WAY THAT I WOULD TO DESCRIBE THE FRENZIED DRAWSTICK SCRIBBLES OF A SQUALLING HUMAN INFANT.

All Breath and no Blood?  All concept and influence and ephemeral accomplishments and no physical impact or results?

Karkat has been fighting this whole time with physical results in mind.  He NEEDS to tie that ephemeral shit down, and once added to his plan, once Breath sweeps the tide of actual sentiment of people, inspires them, you have an actual victory in reach instead of just more attrition.

KARKAT: I APPRECIATE THAT YOU SEEM TO HAVE DUG YOUR PAN OUT OF YOUR OWN CHUTE THE FEW MICROMETERS NECESSARY TO NOTICE THE PRECISE DEGREE TO WHICH THE WORLD IS BEING JUDICIOUSLY BATFUCKED RIGHT NOW.

Really need to dig yourself out more than that, John, yeah.

KARKAT: AS HARD AS IT IS TO BELIEVE, THAT'S A FEAT WHICH NO SMALL NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF DOING!

(Which is why your plan of attack needs more Breath!)

KARKAT: BUT NOTICING THE PROBLEM AND MAKING MEANINGFUL PROGRESS TOWARDS SOLVING IT ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. KARKAT: THE NEXT TIME YOU GET THE IMPULSE TO "LEND A HAND", YOU'D BE BETTER OFF CANNING IT FOR FIVE MINUTES AND LISTENING TO THOSE OF US WHO'VE BEEN TRYING TO SOLVE IT A LOT LONGER THAN YOU HAVE. KARKAT: THIS ISN'T AN EXERCISE BEING CONDUCTED IN ORDER FOR YOU TO PROVE YOUR PERSONAL DEGREE OF MORAL RECTITUDE. KARKAT: AND IF IT WAS, YOU WOULD HAVE ALREADY FAILED MISERABLY! SO DO YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE A FAVOR AND STOP TREATING IT LIKE ONE. JOHN: well... all right. if you say so karkat.

Phew.  Let’s hope he takes Karkat’s gift of a worldbound, arms-in-the-dirt sense of responsibility (Blood) and runs with it.

KARKAT: I DO SAY SO, EMPHATICALLY AND AT GREAT VOLUME. KARKAT: AND NOW THAT MY OBLIGATION TO CATECHIZE YOU ON THE SUBJECT OF YOUR OWN LIFE IS FULFILLED, I HAVE A WAR TO GET BACK TO. JOHN: wait, hold on. KARKAT: OH MY GOD WHAT NOW.

--is it gonna be a hug?

> (==>)

JOHN.  Put it together.

JOHN: you can't be leaving already. JOHN: there's... so much we still need to talk about!

No, not that!!

...well, yes, I’m all for more of you two talking but.  This ain’t just about you two.

KARKAT: WHAT MORE COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE FOR US TO DISCUSS?? KARKAT: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU JUST HAD ANOTHER EMOTION THAT WE NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO DISSECT. JOHN: no, that's not what i'm talking about at all. JOHN: karkat, we still haven't spoken about *you*! KARKAT: ABOUT ME? JOHN: yes. KARKAT: ABOUT *ME*? JOHN: about you. KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME. JOHN: well... JOHN: you know, how you feel! KARKAT: HOW I FEEL. JOHN: or just... JOHN: argh, i don't know!

This was more of an intervention than a feelings jam, John.  I’m not sure John’s in the condition right now to Breathily inspire Karkat somehow and help his war with an idea and drive he didn’t have before -- like he SHOULD eventually -- but I suppose we’re about to see.

JOHN: it's just been so long since we've seen each other. JOHN: all sorts of things have happened in that time, and it doesn't feel right to just not even mention any of it! KARKAT: LIKE WHAT?? JOHN: oh, i don't know karkat, literally anything! JOHN: i mean, look at you. JOHN: you are decked out in a tight body suit and have an eyepatch and everything. there is simply no way there isn't something to discuss there.

You talked with him plenty while NOT in person, though.

> (==>)

Such MOOD.  What a good image.

JOHN: or like, forget the eyepatch, we don't have to talk about the eyepatch. JOHN: i feel as though my point still stands? JOHN: there is basically a bottomless well full of stuff to go through. JOHN: i mean we kind of glossed over it when you brought her up earlier, but what about yiffy? JOHN: this might not come across so easily due to human troll cultural boundaries, but her existing is kind of a big deal?? JOHN: i feel like somehow i missed the part where we all sit around and talk about how strange it is that two of our friends went off and had a secret child without any of us knowing! JOHN: is it too much to ask that we have that part now, karkat?

That’s fair.  And they DO need to talk about it!  But this is sort of like in the Game -- there’s important shit to do, and not a whole lot of time to do it.  You’re going to do a lot of talking, but you won’t be able to do all you want with certain people separated from you by the circumstances of how this war is dividing your responsibilities.

JOHN: i mean, maybe it just doesn't mean that much to you. KARKAT: JOHN. JOHN: which is a little strange, given that it ties in to the whole conflict that you had with jade and dave. JOHN: oh god we have to talk about dave. KARKAT: JOHN. KARKAT: FUCKING HELL! KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT DAVE. JOHN: no, this is what i mean, karkat. JOHN: we need to talk about dave! KARKAT: HAHA! LIKE SHIT WE DO!! KARKAT: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW THIS IS EVEN A RELEVANT TOPIC OF CONVERSATION. JOHN: oh come on. JOHN: there's no way you aren't feeling kind of messed up about him, right?

THIS is fair.  Karkat does need to talk about this with somebody.  Whether John is the right somebody... I guess he is where Dave is concerned.  And he has to talk to Jade eventually, too.

JOHN: i know i am. JOHN: whenever i think about how things ended between you two... JOHN: especially now that he's... JOHN: ugh, i'm sorry. i'm SO sorry karkat. sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. JOHN: this whole thing feels so impossibly sad. JOHN: all i'm trying to say is... JOHN: it's not healthy to bottle these feelings up and not acknowledge them. JOHN: even if you aren't feeling anything right now, and i don't for a moment believe that's true, *i* need to talk about dave! JOHN: so can we please just talk about dave for a moment. KARKAT: NNNNGNGNGGGGGGGUUUUUUGUUGHHHHHHHH FINE.

It’s difficult to live in a Daveless world.

KARKAT: IF IT WILL GET YOU TO SHUT UP ABOUT THIS TOPIC FOR EVEN A BRIEF MOMENT, THEN FINE. KARKAT: REGARDLESS OF HOW POINTLESS AN EXERCISE I CONSIDER IT TO BE, I WILL DISCUSS WITH YOU MY "FEELINGS" ABOUT DAVE. JOHN: okay. JOHN: thank you. KARKAT: ARE YOU PREPARED TO BE INUNDATED WITH NONE OTHER THAN AN UNINTERRUPTED SPATE OF HARD, UNEMBELLISHED DATA VIS A VIS MY SWEEPS-SUPPRESSED, BISCUITFELT EMOTIONS ON THE DAVE SITUATION?? KARKAT: WELL HERE GOES.

--it’s not gonna be short, or cut away, is it?  --actually it could just switch to a very sad sunset-like vista of the two sitting there, and one poignant line from him followed by a long, hanging pause.

> (==>)

KARKAT: *DEEP BREATH*

A giant expletive isn’t it.

The best sendoff you could give him.

> (==>)

Holy shit.  It really IS a rant!

KARKAT: YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I REALLY FEEL ABOUT DAVE? KARKAT: HOW I FEEL IS THAT I WISH THAT EVERYONE WOULD STOP FUCKING BOTHERING ME ABOUT HIM!!! KARKAT: ALRIGHT, SO HE AND JADE GOT HUMAN MARRIED!! BIG DEAL!!! KARKAT: DO PEOPLE FORGET THAT I WAS THERE?? I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS FORGETTING THAT I WAS LITERALLY INVITED TO THE OCCASION. KARKAT: I'VE EVEN COME TO EXPECT THIS KIND OF AMNESIAC BEHAVIOR FROM EVERYONE ELSE, SINCE I ADMIT THAT I DIDN'T EXACTLY STICK AROUND OR ACTUALLY SHOW MY FACE FOR MOST OF THE ORDEAL, BUT YOU EGBERT SHOULD HAVE NO FUCKING EXCUSE! JOHN: wait, karkat, that's not what i KARKAT: SO YEAH! THAT WHOLE THING HAPPENED, AND I CAME TO TERMS WITH WHATEVER THERE WAS TO COME TO TERMS WITH, WHICH WAS FUCKING *NOTHING*, AND THEN I GOT ON WITH THE ACTUAL IMPORTANT BUSINESS OF TRYING TO PREVENT THE WORLD FROM CRUMBLING! KARKAT: WHICH, NOW THAT WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, IS *STILL FUCKING HAPPENING*! KARKAT: I AM UTTERLY APPALLED THAT THIS IS AN INFO MORSEL I KEEP HAVING TO SPOONFEED DOWN YOUR WINDCHUTE EVERY FIVE SECONDS, JOHN, I REALLY AM. KARKAT: I MEAN HOLY SHIT, NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS! KARKAT: AND ONE THING I CAN SAY WITH ABSOLUTE IRONCLAD CERTAINTY IS THAT IF DAVE WERE HERE, HE WOULD SAY THE SAME THING!!

Okay he dealt with it by keeping his hands in the dirt working on hard-fighting responsibilities, yeah, as a Blood player might.  But the way he’s ranting about it seems a little-

KARKAT: SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHERE *IS* DAVE?? JOHN: um. KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE IF ANYONE COULD HAVE PREVENTED TODAY FROM DEVOLVING INTO A HEADLESS CLUSTERFUCK, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN... OKAY, MAYBE NOT HIM, BUT AT LEAST HE MIGHT HAVE HELPED DRAG YOU OUT OF YOUR DEPRESSIVE FUGUE A LITTLE SOONER! JOHN: (oh shit.)

Oh SHIT

> (==>)

Oh no... oh no, they’re BOTH about to let it out together.

They’re gonna have to cry it out.  Finally, onscreen.  THIS is why they weren’t showing us, why they were saving it.  It felt so awkward at the time but it’s because it has to culminate in these two, some of the closest to Dave since CHILDHOOD, get to show us the effect on everyone in a microcosm.

KARKAT: NOT ONLY THAT, BUT MAYBE WITH BOTH OF US HERE WE COULD HAVE DISPENSED WITH THIS ENTIRE SORRY TOPIC ONCE AND FOR ALL, IF ONLY FOR YOUR BENEFIT! KARKAT: OH HI DAVE, JOHN SEEMS TO BE UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT THE UNSPOKEN HISTORY BETWEEN US IS OF SUFFICIENT IMPORT THAT WE NEED TO HASH IT OUT THIS VERY SECOND IN FRONT OF THE BLASTED REMAINS OF HIS HOME! KARKAT: yo karkat that does seem to be a strange thing for my best friend john to be concerned about given that he has spent the past five years wallowing in the depths of deepest divorce fever KARKAT: and especially since jade and i have meanwhile been working as part of your resistance with no complaints, but sure, we can brofist each other and arrange our limbs in an unambiguously platonic way KARKAT: a way which is also flawlessly calculated to communicate to everyone present that here are two guys who are totally and unequivocally over each other JOHN: (oh god. you don't...)

Talk about John’s comment about Karkat’s rants not being hilarious in a situation.  THIS situation really tugs it out of them.  :(

KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA DAVE, AND WITH THAT MAYBE THAT WAY WE CAN WASH OUR TOUCH STUMPS OF THIS WHOLE ORDEAL AND NEVER HAVE TO SPEAK OF IT AGAIN! KARKAT: WOULD YOU LIKE THAT, JOHN? KARKAT: WOULD THAT SATISFY YOUR CRAVING FOR CATHARSIS ON THE SUBJECT OF DAVE?? KARKAT: WELL WHY DON'T WE TRY IT THEN. KARKAT: IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU CALL DAVE AND GET HIM OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! JOHN: (oh my god...)

> (==>)

These visuals are ON POINT.  This entire sequence since Karkat showed up is masterfully done.

KARKAT: MAYBE WE SHOULD GET JADE TO COME AS WELL! JOHN: ): KARKAT: FUCK, WHY NOT INVITE FUCKING EVERYONE!!! KARKAT: WHY NOT PRESS "PAUSE" ON THE RACE WAR FOR A MOMENT AND HAVE ONE HUGE FEELINGS JAM LAWNMEAL WHERE WE ALL PUBLICLY EXPATIATE OUR VARIOUS CONVOLUTED EMOTIONS. KARKAT: FORGET PEACE TALKS, GET FUCKING *CROCKER* TO COME! KARKAT: MAYBE THE SIGHT OF A DAVEKAT RECONCILIATION IS THE SECRET KEY TO UNLOCKING THE PART OF HER BRAIN THAT STOPS HER FROM BEING A GENOCIDAL RACIST BITCH!!! KARKAT: HOW COULD WE HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN SO BLIND!!!!!! KARKAT: IF GAMZEE WASN'T DEAD, YOU COULD HAVE INVITED HIM AS WELL! KARKAT: HAHAHA, THAT'S OKAY, WE STILL HAVE A VERITABLE MENAGERIE OF PEOPLE WE KNOW WHO AREN'T DEAD. JOHN: ))))): KARKAT: ALL OF WHOM I AM SURE WILL BE SIMPLY DELIGHTED TO ATTEND WHAT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY BE THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT IN EARTH C'S BULLSHIT HISTORY. KARKAT: IF THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES, EGBERT, THEN I AM PREPARED TO DO IT! KARKAT: DON'T THINK THAT I WON'T!! KARKAT: IF JUST FOR AN *INSTANT* IT WILL GET EVERYONE OFF MY CASE ABOUT THIS, I WILL STAND UP WITH DAVE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE ***FUCKING WORLD*** AND SOLEMNLY VOW THAT I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT!!!! JOHN: KARKAT!!!!

That last bit with John.  I can HEAR the rawness in his voice as he shouts that last bit... he’s about to burst into tears.  And Karkat is going to have to with him.  And they’ll cry it out together, as they should.

> (==>)

JOHN: ugh, fuck, this is just too much! JOHN: i thought you KNEW! KARKAT: KNEW WHAT??? JOHN: dave's GONE, karkat! JOHN: he's... JOHN: he's dead.

Let’s see it happen.

> (==>)

Just body language, the blow of the words...

JOHN: i didn't mean for you to find out like this at all, i thought... JOHN: i mean, i only heard about it yesterday, but i was convinced someone would have told you already! JOHN: apparently one minute he was there, and the next... JOHN: none of us even know how it happened, and it doesn't make any sense that he's dead, but he is. JOHN: he is dead and he's not coming back. KARKAT: JOHN: talk to me karkat, please. JOHN: please talk to me karkat. KARKAT: KARKAT: HE...

Jade and Rose were on a different part of this battlefield, they didn’t have the ability, time, and/or heart to break the news--

> (==>)

KARKAT: HE DIDN'T EVEN SAY GOODBYE?

aaaaAAAA

What a fucking expression, wow.

And what a regret RoboDave has to have for abandoning everyone without so much as a farewell letter.  To think that ditching them like that was IN his Ultimate Soul is going to eat away at him.  He may be linked to all of his self of selves, but he’s still an individual with individual regrets.

This was a damned good update.  See y’all next time.

(It may be the new meds I’m on, but between this and the thorough love I see put into the unofficial archive, I’m suddenly reminded that despite all the drama, I fucking LOVE Homestuck.  Even its current incarnation.)

[l-crimson-l]

small rant time (fgo)

so i’ve had this on my chest for a while and i was even debating whether to not to even post it but i think i’ll just throw it out into the wind and leave it untagged (mostly). i’ve loved fate for a very long time and dedicated a good chance of time learning its intricacies and lore. characters always had more layers to dig through and learn about which is something i always loved reading into and seeing other peoples post about. starting up fgo some years ago was just the thing to itch that extra scratch of wanting more from the franchise and a great way to get myself lost in the stories. Mash was an instant favorite and the gameplay was enough to keep me hooked (i was coming from card game gacha’s so it was a total upgrade that these had sprites!). however along the way of diving headfirst into fate tumblr and playing through it became pretty apparent that a lot of my enjoyment of the series came from outside the game itself which is something that i just don't like happening especially when i know there's the appropriate talent behind the game for it to be present while playing. it started to feel less and less like the game as wonderful on its own merits as i had built it up in my mind which was rather disappointing. Not helping to this was seeing the designs from the later lost belts and just being totally not hyped about it. Extra nails in the coffin at this point too was i had started playing AL and the wild difference in how each dev team treated their EN players and how each team approached the gacha.  at this point a few more things about the game itself started sticking out more and more as a sore thumb. so let me just complain for a bit: -the turned base system got real old. there's only so many times i can kill the same skeleton or book without starting to feel burnout.  -consequence from this was that the game started feeling less about which servants i personally really wanted to use and became more about “how can i 3 turn this farm node” -which lead to an artificial narrowing of which servants i saw in my support screen -top this off with how long it takes to actually raise a servant to being able to use in the mid level nodes and you're asking for more and more time out of me -plus i started to work full-time so investing increasingly large amounts of time between farming to raise servant and farming events (bc mats also have poor drop rates) just became less and less feasible.  -sq being an absolute pain to save up and farm didn't help especially with 5*’s being such a low rate anyway

again at this point i had started playing AL and the difference in the approach to the gacha left a very sour taste in my mouth towards fgo. as if it was asking for not just all of my time but actively encouraging me to spend on sq to offset the 1% rate up. this paired with finishing up the final singularity (which was stellar btw, im a huge sucker for the “everyone shows up at the end to save the day” shtick) and knowing full well i didn't really care for anything coming out in the next 2 years save for maybe 2 or 3 servants really just put the second to last nail in the coffin. i say second to last bc i want to keep myself open to the possibility that im just experiencing burn out and maybe one day i’ll make it back that said, seeing gacha done so much better in the likes of Azur Lane and how Yostar treats its EN community, as well as seeing a similarly dense story being woven in the likes of Arknights, doesn't leave me with a lot of faith that i will return to fgo. i’ll hold onto it and the memories i’ve had, because i’ve quite a number of fond memories with it, but i kind of hope they just do something more...i’m not entirely sure of what exactly more but i kind of feel like its soul changed about halfway through.  anyway here's to one day falling back in love with fgo bc i absolutely adore the MHX meme

[dahniwitchoflight]

Pokemon Changes I’d Make

I’ve come up with some changes I would make for Pokemon after scouring the internet and because I had an idea of only numbering pokemon biological lines instead of each pokemon individually. 1) to save on numbers, and 2) I can put Pichu next to Pikachu without messing with the National Dex order which divides pokemon by region, so an entirely different system than mine, which divides by biological line in order of discovery of one of it’s members. 

under the readmore, I will go through the list of most significant changes that I would make if I were in charge of pokemon

0) Numbering Pokemon by Family Line instead of Individually in Pokedex

Basically it’s what it says, it would look like this on paper:

001 = Bulbasaur, Ivysaur, Venusaur = Grass/Poison

002 = Charmander, Charmeleon, Charizard = Fire/Flying

003 = Squirtle, Wartortle, Blastoise = Water/Steel

oh yeah, btw, Blastoise is Steel type because Duh (don’t care if Empoleon did it, Fire. Fighting. That is all.)

001 Bulbasaur Ivysaur Venusaur 002 Charmander Charmeleon Charizard 003 Squirtle Wartortle Blastoise 004 Caterpie Metapod Butterfree 005 Weedle Kakuna Beedrill 006 Pidgey Pidgeotto Pidgeot 007 Rattata Raticate 008 Spearow Fearow 009 Ekans Arbok  010 Pichu Pikachu Raichu....

So basically like this all, all the way down the list for each Pokefamily

1) Ditto, Mew and Mewtwo have the same numbered family line.

I know none evolve into the other and only Ditto can breed, but Mewtwo is canonically of the same dna as Mew. Mewtwo is a genetically modified singular unqiue instance of a Mew. Original games go so far as to straight up saw Mew gave birth to Mewtwo.

Ditto being related to Mew and Mewtwo genetically is also a strongly held fan theory that I believe in, and well, this is called the changes I’d make to Pokemon if I could, and this is what I’d do

(Though Ditto would of course be move ahead to end of the Main Kanto group to be with Mew, rather then moving Mew and Mewtwo back)

2) Nidoran (F) and Nidoran (M) are now a single pokemon called Nidoran. 

Their gendered forms are now the same thing as Meowstics, with male and females having drastically different sprites.

I know that F and M Nido’s also have different moves and stats and that’s important to preserve, and I say, this is fine to keep as well. Pokemon change their stats, moves, typings, abilities, all the time for TEMPORARY forme changes, heck even held items. Rotom, Deoxys, Genesect, Burmy/Wormadam, Aegislash, Shaymin, Castform, fucking Cosplay Pikachu etc If those things can change for temporary forme changes, they can be different for permanent gendered forme changes like Nidoran. I don’t see any conflict there. 

Then female Nidorans evolve into Nidorinas, and male Nidorans evolve into Nidorinos.

Also Nidorina’s and Nidoqueen’s can breed because it’s stupid that they can’t.

3) Male Miltank eggs just become Tauros.

There’s no reason for Miltank and Tauros to not work like Illumise and Volbeat. This is a biological dex also, so just like Illumise and Volbeat are considered the same biological family, so are Miltank and Tauros. Miltank appears with Tauros in it’s slot.

4) Plusle and Minun are a pair/in the same family group, and can produce eachother’s eggs, but not exactly determined by gender. 

Two of the same type breeding will give a Plusle

So Plusle+Plusle or Minun+Minun = Plusle

Two of the opposite type breeding will give a Minun

So Plusle+Minun = Minun

They otherwise keep their gender ratios and breeding group, so they can also breed with other pokemon, and the baby will be of the mother as per usual rules. 

5) Oranguru and Passimian also share biology, but also in a non gendered way like Plusle and Minun.

Basically, either can be male or female and can breed with other pokemon, and have children based on the mother in the usual way.

But if an Oranguru and Passimian breed together, no matter which is female, If the offspring has higher attack than special attack, it becomes a Passimian. If it has higher special attack than attack, it becomes an Oranguru.

This is partly because I think it made sense given their lore and designs, and also because I thought it’d be a neat throwback to the gender determination system of the original crystal game, but in this case it determines species/abilities/lore etc

then if the attack and special attack tie, it just becomes whoever the mother was as normal. 

6) Sigilyph gets demoted from being a unique pokemon, to merely a Forme change of Unown, akin to Wishiwashi’s schooling forme, but different.

I never really liked the idea of Unown evolving, but also knew it was related to Sigilyph, somehow, just didn’t really know how.

then Sun/Moon came along and along came Wishiwashi and it’s unique forme type. With the way Unown have always been portrayed to always school together like that just like in the Entei Movie, it was perfect!

When an Unown is at low health, in order to protect itself, many more Unown school together around it and psychically merge itself into a stronger being, in order to fight off the attacker.

So unlike Wishiwashi who starts out as many and weakens to being a single one, Unown starts out single, and upon a suitable threat, psychically calls upon its brethren for help as a last ditch resort. Unown also warp reality itself as they please, so it’s not outlandish to say a bunch of them could merge themselves together into a single temporary physical forme.

So thus the name Sigilyph is forever removed. It’s model just becomes a Guardian forme Unown.

7) Phione also loses it’s name/gets demoted to being a forme change of Manaphy like Sigilyph.

The Phione sprite/model is simply the Warm Seas forme of Manaphy, while the OG Manaphy sprite/model is now the Cold Seas forme. 

There’s no reason why it couldn’t have been this in the first place. Phione has no reason to be a separate pokemon from Manaphy, it just doesn’t. 

How it changes forme in-game can have something to do with the weather/terrain changes because idc. 

8) Carbink evolves into Diancie.

This one, I’m unsure if I should remove Diancie from being legendary, or just make it so the item that evolves Carbink into Diancie is a one use only key item and you can’t get more/trade more/use it again. 

But it’s one of the two, I think the one use key item is probably best though. No legendary deserves to be demoted (excepy Phione, but its fine because I merged it with Manaphy) and to keep Dianice special, the item must only be able to be used once, can’t get traded another one by any means. 

9) Adjustments to pokemon evolution lines:

I have no justification for these other than I want them. Nothing crazy, just sticking some lines together, you may or may not disagree, this is fine also. 

Dusnparce evolves into Drampa. 

Linoone evolves into Zangoose. 

Arbok evolves into Seviper. 

Luvdisc evolves into Alomomola. 

Minior evolves into either Solrock or Lunatone by Sun/Moonstone of course. 

All Eevee evo’s are by evolution Stone

Flareon - Fire Stone

Jolteon - Thunder Stone

Vaporeon - Water Stone

Espeon - Sun (Dawn) Stone (Really these should just be the same Sun stone..)

Umbreon - Moon (Dusk) Stone (ditto as above. but Moon stone)

Glaceon - Ice Stone

Leafeon - Leaf Stone

Sylveon - Shiny Stone

10) And then, Pokemon Type Matchup changes.

This should probably be it’s own post, but fuck it, I can give the quick rundown

Rock and Ground type get merged into a single Earth type.

Sound type gets introduced to keep same number of types and because it’s long past due. 

All type colors are as follows: 

All other types get some re balancing in terms of type matchups

So, each type has 6 factors:

A type that they are good at attacking (Effective), bad at attacking (Futile), and totally ineffective towards (Useless)

and, types that they are good at defending against (Resist), bad at defending against (Weak), and totally immune to (Immune)

I re-balanced each type to make sure they have no more than 5 in each of those categories, without changing what made each type so unique and useful (attempting anyways) but it was easy enough, it was really more about removing extraneous resistances that didn’t really need to exist, which naturally removed a lot of ineffectivess, and then splattering a few actual effectives around.

Does this unintentionally make some types stronger purely because they have high base stat attacking moves? 

Yes. but that problem shouldn't be solved by making types weaker, it should be solved by giving all the types effective attacking options. That way, all the types feel good and effective to use. I think it’s better that way, especially because it encourages the system of “using your favorite pokemon to win” and giving a lot more equally viable options for battle, instead of having a small few stand out from the crowd and trample everyone. 

First I’ll explain Earth and Sound as they are new: 

Earth Type is This:

Effective: Fire, Electric, Poison, Sound

Futile: Grass, Earth, Bug

Useless: Flying

Resist: Fire, Poison, Earth, Sound

Weak: Water, Grass, Steel, Ice

Immune: Electric

Earth is Ground and Rock combined (more like Rock enfolded into Ground but eh, some parts of Rock are still there)

Earth pretty much takes Ground’s strengths at attacking/defending, but takes Rock’s weakness against Steel. The thought being “Well, I had to merge them somehow, Ground is very powerful and needs some balance, need a good weakness, and the idea of a shovel shoveling Earth and tearing it up with manmade tools seemed to make sense”

kept the immunities and uselessness to keep that balance intact, removed references to Normal and Fighting since Fighting has nothing to do with Earth really, and Normal types often live/burrow in the ground so could be good or bad. 

Gave an effectiveness against Sound since the earth absorbs soundwaves and weakens them. 

Sound Type is This:

Effective: Flying, Steel, Psychic

Futile: Earth, Water, Grass

Useless: Sound

Resist:  Flying, Steel, Psychic

Weak:  Earth, Water, Grass

Immune: Sound

Sound is interesting and a bit unique, due to it’s ephemeral nature, the types it is effective against, are also the types that it naturally resists. As are the types it is ineffective against, are also the types it is weak to

Sound travels best through the Air, Flying is here standing in as an “Air/Wind” type, and the idea is that Sound powerful enough to attack just CUTS right through Flying types.

Sound is amplified by echoes, but Steel is especially prone to that, Steel basically helpless to do anything except amplify Sound, strengthening it, but just like vibrations strong enough to maim, are strong enough to shatter, the things that echo the loudest are also the things most prone to being torn apart by vibrations.

and then Psychic is simply because of how Sound is the number one way to interrupt concentration, and no amount of mental prowess can fight against that. It fits into Psychic’s weakness all being common fears, by screaming being the most common response associated with fear, and also sudden loud jumpscare noises. 

Sound is weak to Water, Earth and Grass, and also is Futile against them for similar reasons across the board, bodies of water, wood, ground, boulders etc all absorb and disperse soundwaves very well without damaging themselves, unlike Steel which amplifies Sound. 

Then finally, Sound is totally immune to, and useless against, itself. Sound is Sound is Sound. If there’s loud things happening, more loud things just add to the chaos and the volume. Sound cannot overpower itself, only add to it’s own strength. 

The Pokemon that were Rock/Ground are now Pure Earth type, those that were Type/Rock or Type/Ground are now Type/Earth. Other than those conversions no changes were made to make something Earth type that wasn’t already once Rock or Ground type. 

As for Sound type, something to make note of, is that “Sound” encompasses more an idea of “Music” or “Rhythm” where both singing and dancing but also shockwave and vibration are encompassed into “Sound” type, to allow for a base in both special and physical moves, and to encompass all expression of Noise. 

So, the following are now Pure Sound Types:

Whismur, Loudred, Exploud

Spinda

Chingling, Chimecho

Audino

Cincinno, Mincinno

Eevee evolution that’s pure Sound, Probably Melodeon or Vocaleon or Harmoneon (Evolves upon using Noise Stone)

The Following are Primarily Sound type with a secondary Typing:

Igglybugg, Jigglypuff, Wigglytuff = Sound/Fairy

Ludicolo = Sound/Grass (Noise Stone, not Water Stone)

Kricketot, Kricketune = Sound/Bug

Chatot = Sound/Flying

Woobat, Swoobat = Sound/Flying

Meloetta = Sound/Psychic or Fighting

Noibat, Noivern = Sound/Dragon

Pikipek, Trumbeak, Toucannon = Sound/Flying

Jangmo-o, Hakamo-o, Kommo-o = Sound/Fighting

and then the following are Primarily one type, but with a secondary Sound type:

Bellosom = Grass/Sound (Noise Stone, not Sun Stone)

Politoed = Water/Sound (Noise Stone, not king’s rock)

Voltorb, Electrode = Electric/Sound

Happiny, Chansey, Blissey  = Normal/Sound

Munchlax, Snorlax = Normal/Sound

Yanma, Yanmega = Bug/Sound

Misdreavus, Mismagius = Ghost/Sound 

Snubbull, Granbull = Fairy/Sound

Poochyena, Mightyena = Dark/Sound

Ludicolo = Grass/Sound (Noise Stone)

Ralts, Kirlia, Gardevoir = Psychic/Sound

Skitty, Delcatty = Normal/Sound (Noise Stone, not Moonstone)

Electrike, Manectric = Electric/Sound 

Wailmer, Wailord = Water/Sound

Spoink, Grumpig = Psychic/Sound

Vibrava, Flygon = Earth/Sound

Bronzor, Bronzong = Metal/Sound

Tympole, Seismotoad, Palpitoad = Water/Sound

Maractus = Grass/Sound

Klink, Klang, Kinklang = Metal/Sound

Litleo, Pyroar = Fire/Sound

Primarina = Water/Sound

Oricorio = Fire or Psychic or Electric or Ghost/Sound

As for the balanced type matchup, you can see them all in this picture here:

you read it like the Type on the left is attacking the Type at the top

so, Fire (Left) attacks Bug (Top) and it’s green! So Super Effective and etc.

I won’t explain it all, because I feel like the chart is pretty self explanatory

aaaand, I think that’s all the changes I’d make to Pokemon itself.

I might come up with more later, but these are thing I want to see in Pokemon

[btsrabbithole]

Hello Dear~!! Newark was great!! I wish I went to the Sat. one but Friday was still wonderful!! I met so many armys. I wish I was able to sit with the friends I made while standing in line. It was definitely lonely watching alone. My flight was delayed two hours so by the time I reached BTS studio, they cut the line off. 1/13

It’s okay!! I am ot7 anyway. If I got a pic of me and Jin I would then feel sad that I didn’t get one with the other 6. After they closed the BTS line, I ran to line where you can take a picture with the HUGE LY banner and that had all 7 of them :). A lot of the armys dressed up. My favorite was a girl wearing a wedding veil, another girl made a Yeontan headband (it looked legit), there was a girl with a bts military jacket, and there were two girls who had a tshirts. One tee had “I like Hamburgers” with a pic of a hamburger and the other tee had “And SPRITE!!!!” with sprite cans. There was a group of boys with HOLO bts shirts too. There were so many armys handing out free things and their artwork. It was a great and positive atmosphere. Honestly the army was the highlight of the concert. The energy, love, and kindness of the army was EVERYTHING. My Ticket I bought worked (YASS). The food was so expensive. I paid $5 for gatorade.The tickets I bought was for wheelchair (I made sure to ask the venue if that was alright). In a way I am glad. Despite having seated seats, everyone was standing. WC is a bit raised so I could enjoy the show without having the need to stand (25yrs and standing for 5+hrs doesn’t mix). But I really couldn’t get wild. I really wish I was able to sit with the people I met.I sat next to a mom who bought her excited daughter. She was so supportive of her daughter’s love for BTS - Tae and Jin are her moms bias. I also sat next to a much older women (60s) from South Carolina. She and her husband drove for 10 hours. V was her bias. She was so cute. She had a really sexy pic of V as her Lockscreen. She recorded everytime Tae was on screen and giggled. It was a great show. I couldn’t stop staring at the screen. I had to keep reminding myself to look at the stage to see the boys. I saw JK and Joon doing the shoot, Taejin love, Jimin standing the corners of the stage, Hobi JUMPING, and Yoongi tripping while singing SEESAW. I forgot all about the fact that I was gonna hear Seesaw. After the Yoonjin VCR, I was so excited to hear Epiphany live (I was saving my voice for this) but then Seesaw started and I LOST MY MIND. Seesaw is my favorite song and it didn’t occur to me at all that I was gonna finally hear it. It was wonderful. Perfect. Extraordinary. I can’t believe I heard Seesaw. I HEARD IT LIVE. After Yoongi finished, the room became very quiet. All of the Sudden I screamed “KIM SEOKJIN!!!” as loud as I could and then 10 secs later other people started it too and then the entire stadium. I heard the high note. Wow. I heard that. After Joon’s Trivia, they perform their old songs for 15 mins. That was my favorite part. I advise you eat a HEAVY breakfast. There is so much to do (like meeting other armys) so try to get their moderately early. Bring a bottle of water and stay hydrated. Once you’re inside you can use the restroom and completely empty your bladder. Bring cough drops I made sure to pop one in after every 3 songs. It gets really loud so maybe earplugs to protect your ears. Be prepared to stand the entire time. I tried not to record much and just focused on them. half way through though it’s hard not to record. I would bring a phone stand with a bendy arm. That way you can clip it your seat can it can record when you want to but you don’t have to focus on holding a phone. I tried to record the general atmosphere of the arena or the stage instead of zooming in on the boys. My iphone will never take as good of a pic as someone in the pit or a fancam. Like I didn’t bother recording Jk’s and Joon’s shoot cause I know someone wil post a better video and I just want be in the moment. I hope you enjoy Amsterdam!!! I really liked the experience. I hope that by the next concert, I have a army friend or friends that I could go with. Make sure to print your ticket and keep it safe. There are a LOT of scalpers in the crowd.    

Anon!!! Sorry for replying so late, but I just had a couple of super busy days and I wanted to be sure I read everything you wrote thoroughly. A 13-part ask.. well that’s a first 😝!! But thank you for sharing your experience! It sounds like you had the best time ever. The armys you met sound so cute, and the one in her 60s with a sexy Taehyung as her lockscreen made me giggle (BIG MOOD). As for your description of the concert.. I got the chiils! I can’t believe I’m about to experience it myself in 10 days. 10 days!!!! Ah!!! And yes, I so know I’m gonna die during the Seesaw-Epiphany combo as well. Who allowed it?? I can’t believe I’m seeing Min Yoongi and his lil dance with my own two eyes, and I’m listening to Kim Seokjin powerful voice with my own two ears (and btw, thank you for hyping him up.. it’s what she deserves). I also know I’m gonna ascend to another dimension after Singularity, and I don’t know how I’m gonna survive Tear… I won’t… I can’t even think about it without getting overwhelmed. Regarding all of you advices, thank you so much!! I actually got a General Admission ticket, so I’m gonna be in the pit (even if I’m 25 as well.. so help me god), but I’ll for sure try a couple of the things you suggested. And yes, I agree that filming the whole thing is not worth it.. we see them through our screens all the time, if for once we can see the real deal we should not waste our chance. I sincerely hope the people ahead of me decide not to film all the time, I’m pretty tall but I don’t want to see the concert through somebody else’s phone! In general I hope I’ll survive the pit.. I’m gonna be alone too because the friend I’m going with has a seating ticket.. and I really don’t wanna go line up too early.. so pray for me lol. Anyways, thank you again for sharing all of this!! If possible it got me even more excited for Amsterdam. -10!!!! 😭😭😭

[chesskilled]

MOBILE USERS have my apologies for the length -- though rest assured this will be under a cut due to the following: DISCUSSION ABOUT MAJOR NDRV.3 EVENTS IN CHAPTER ONE --- INCLUDING DISCUSSION OF THE VICTIM, TRIAL, MURDERER, AND EXECUTION. Other chapters and parts of Ouma’s character are also heavily mentioned. I wanted to shed light on what I presume to be Ouma’s thoughts on the matter, as well as Ouma’s foreshadowing leading up to the closing portion of the chapter. And boy, is there a lot. I’ll be using SCREENSHOTS of TheLifeliketextube’s playthrough of this chapter with hajimikim.o’s translation. Thank you for understanding !! Anyway,

After the events of Chapter 1 and the Prologue combined, Ouma’s character almost seems set in stone. To many in game and out of it, he’s set this ‘role’ for himself. A child seeking entertainment only for himself, a bit of a jerk, noisy, a trickster, a liar. It’s very easy to discredit most of what he says, and just as easy to assume that all he says are lies as well. After all, it’s practically his catchphrase-- “ 嘘 だ よ” ( usoda yo / that’s a lie! ) So when it comes to the killing game itself, it’s equally as safe to assume that his reactions are lies as well. He’s a liar, after all.

Later events prove this to be false, but what I want to look at first is the difference in REACTIONS Ouma has throughout the murder/trial/execution. He doesn’t get a lot of spotlight, but he gets enough for the differences to be easy to spot if one looks for them. A notable part of what we see is this ‘act’ ( a mask ) he puts on, portraying himself as the ‘child’ they expect him to be--one who almost seems sadistic in nature, enjoying witnessing the negative reactions he gets in return for his behavior--and with this act, his reactions are...well, pretty fitting. For the most part that is.

For one example, Iruma’s rebuttal after he accused her of killing Amami. She insults him in return ( “a compulsive shota liar!” ) and he responds just as you’d expect someone of his ‘type’ to do. He’s loud, his tears are messy, and he’s just downright annoying.

...and just as soon as he starts crying, he’s over it. He’s already gotten the reaction he wanted, so there’s no need to play the ‘part’ anymore. Such a switch is so casual, but the reactions we see are so different from one another. Now, comparing it to a later portion of this trial: AFTER AKAMATSU’S EXECUTION.

Here, we see a completely different side of Ouma’s character. He actually seems angry at the situation ( and he is, as we find out later in the game. In fact, later in the game he uses these same sprites when he expresses his feelings about the killing game and the situation they’re in. So it’s enough to infer that when he speaks with these sprites in this sort of context, he’s being genuine. )

...and still, he lies. There’s something suspicious though, in regard to how quickly he switched here in comparison to the others. Given this is after Kaede’s death, and previous interactions with him, his hesitation with Saihara just feels...off. Sure, he switches just as quickly as when he was crying crocodile tears, but it’s in this same scene you notice the tension in his voice, in comparison to something akin to a child. He’s angry, and rightfully so, even if he did know the truth of the matter much earlier than everyone else did. His tears here are less theatrical, but for more evidence that can hint towards the fact he WASN’T lying, let’s look at how he sent Kaede off.

He’s serious. One thing that’s particularly noticeable with Ouma’s character is that he likes things to be “interesting”, or at the very least--not boring. In his FTEs with Saihara, specifically, he often notes in a fond manner how interesting Saihara is, and how ‘surprising’ some of his responses are, if you choose to be bolder. It breaks the mold of what he expected Saihara to be like, and this...does sort of fall into how he thought of Kaede.

She broke the ‘mold’, the ‘role’ that she was given -- as the protagonist, she was hopeful, yet she fell into despair, falling into Monokuma’s trap and acting accordingly. This was INTERESTING, and while he likely wasn’t happy with the choice she made, it was different from what was expected of her, it wasn’t boring, and helped ‘make’ her an ‘interesting person’. 

The highest compliment he’s able to give is calling someone interesting, so for Kaede to get such a high compliment in a short expanse of time, well...it isn’t something to be taken lightly.

Too, it’s a matter of the tone of his voice. When he says this specific line, there’s no trace of mockery. He isn’t teasing, he isn’t joking around--rather, it’s...flatter, more monotonous than the rest of his voiced lines. There’s no exaggeration for any syllable, rather, he’s speaking directly to Kaede -- while I can’t speak with certainty that he knew that it might not leave as much as an impact as it was intended, it’s enough to infer with his character that this was a genuine send off for her.

MOVING ON... Ouma has a tendency to foreshadow future events in-game. That, and he always seems to showcase that he knows more than he lets on, only to brush things off as a joke afterward so people wouldn’t take him quite as seriously. While I won’t show every example--there’s far too many for that--some of the more prominent examples of this are in his FTEs with Kaede, and in Kaede’s respective trial.

In Kaede’s first free time event with Ouma, he exploits her trusting nature, and shows the player how easily she falls for certain ‘tricks’ depending on what emotion he displays alongside the words he speaks. In this free time event, Ouma claims that they met before the killing game semester, displaying desperation and ‘genuine’ upset that she’s ‘forgotten about him’. While it’s obvious this is a lie, he manages to convince her into believing him--having Kaede eventually ask about the circumstances they met under before; doubtful, but believing in his lie. His story goes on for an extensive amount of time, to ultimately be revealed as a lie to Kaede and proving that he was leading her along as long as he could manage--and I’m almost convinced he would’ve done so longer if he was able.  After she gets upset about being lied to, one of the first thing he says is:

In a singular free time event, he reveals what ultimately is her fatal flaw. Her willingness to trust others, no matter the circumstances -- even if she has doubts, she still chooses to trust in other people, including those who might as well be strangers. The fact she chooses to believe and lead more with ‘emotion’, with ‘hope’. This ultimately leads to her downfall later in the chapter, whenever she makes up her mind to ‘kill Amami’ for the sake of her classmates, she trusted in them not to kill anyone, and they trusted her to do the same -- the likelihood of her committing murder was so low, but when pushed to the very limit she was led by her emotions to commit the crime. ( In the same situation, she used her friends’ trust against them. Without the motives in place, she likely would have admitted to the murder much earlier -- especially if Amami had been the Mastermind after all. )

Notice, she doesn’t deny the fact he calls her an ‘easy mark’, nor does she deny his claims she’s ‘soft-hearted’ or ‘naive.’ They’re truths, and said for a good reason. He wanted her to realize it. He wanted her to be AWARE of her flaws so they didn’t strike her down in the game, have she not take the steps to improve or change her way of thinking. I’ll get back to how he referred back to this in the aftermath of the trial in a moment, but there’s also another major point in that Ouma knew from the beginning what the end result would be -- or at the very least, he had a good idea.

In the trial, while he continues to play up an antagonistic role, often times he forces others to look at a certain viewpoint that everyone might be overlooking -- be it from ignorance or just trying to turn a blind eye to the obvious -- he always tries to get the others to think. Shinguuji even comments on this at one point, after Ouma tosses out a theory into the room, forcing everyone to discuss the possibility so they can either disprove or approve it. Shinguuji even admits that he was one of many led around by it, showing how convincing Ouma can be.

A throwback to an earlier free time event, even without that scene -- Kaede’s lack of denial when Ouma reveals the ‘cruel truth’  is something that can’t go unnoticed. This scene is already after the vote, just mere moments before Kaede is sentenced to death, but even then she’s forced to view the truth of the matter -- the truth that no matter how good her intentions might have been, she inevitably did just what Monokuma ( and the Mastermind she wanted to hunt down to begin with ) wanted her to do. Ouma revealing the ‘truths’ of the game and its motives ( including scenes later on in the game, where he expresses disappointment in how the others just seem to go along without thinking about their situation, or ones where he calls out Monokuma for lying to them about certain aspects of the game ) is a very common theme. For a liar, he speaks a lot of truth, which...actually fits surprisingly well with the overall theme. ( Even his outfit reflects it--black/white, truth and lie, even if his own way of thinking is inherently grey. )

I was going to discuss Ouma + White Lies in this but asdfghj that’ll be for another meta. Anyway, hopefully all of this makes sense and it didn’t just sound like a lot of babbling with no purpose --- I just wanted to shed some more light on Ouma as a character. \(･∀･；)

[voodoochili]

My Favorite Songs of 2019

2019 was a fantastic year for music, but then again every year is. We as listeners have been blessed with abundance, and tasked with the delightful work of sifting through freshwater to find gold. This year, the most reliably golden genres were West African pop and West Coast Rap. Go figure.

The following represents my favorite 100 songs of the year. My only rules: 1) one song per lead artist (a lucky few earned multiple placements through the “featured artist” loophole).

Below are the write-ups (everyone’s favorite part) and stay tuned for my albums list, coming next week. Don’t forget to scroll all the way down for a Spotify playlist of the full list!

25. Desperate Journalist - “Satellite” - A sweeping, emotional rock song by a veteran rock band that can uncork one of these in their sleep. What makes this one special? The dynamic changes in the pre-chorus, the soaring guitar solo, and the passionate performance from lead singer Jo Bevan.

24. Jacques Greene - “Stars” - A brilliant bit of ambient techno that evokes the seminal electronic classic “Little Fluffy Clouds,” by The Orb. Instead of desert clouds, the anonymous female narrator describes a pastoral dream about the night skies of her youth. A transporting piece of music that should’ve been twice as long--five minutes is a cruelly short lifespan for this kind of bliss.

23. Rosalía - “Con Altura” ft. J Balvin - After the brilliant and singular El Mal Querer demonstrated Rosalía’s singular talent, “Con Altura” announced her intentions for worldwide domination. Created with frequent Rosalía collaborator El Guincho and chameleonic superstar J Balvin, “Con Altura” contains two of the year’s most insidious hooks--the soft-spoken call-and-response chorus, and Rosalía’s snake-charming bridge, the strongest indication yet that global stardom won’t stop the Catalonian chanteuse from pushing music forward.

22. Faye Webster - “Room Temperature” – 2019’s answer to “Swingin’ Party,” the Replacements’ great anthem for introverts, the introductory track on Webster’s Atlanta Millionaire’s Club album drifts along with Hawaiian-flavored pedal steel and a palpable sense of regret, as the 21-year-old singer longs to escape her perfectly comfortable surroundings. 21. Yhung T.O. - “Lately” ft. Lil Sheik - Easy, breezy, beautiful Bay Area rap, carried by T.O.’s dulcet tones and Sheik’s unrepentant dirtbaggery. The beat by Armani Depaul is one of my favorite retro-facing rap beats in a while, complete with smooth digital strings and security-pad synths. 20. The New Pornographers - “You’ll Need a New Backseat Driver” - Every five years or so, A.C. Newman writes a melody so strong that it requires Neko Case’s ultra-powerful alto to properly do it justice. This year, that song is “You’ll Need a New Backseat Driver,” which strives for, and nearly approaches, the heights of previous Pornos stunners like “The Laws Have Changed” and “Champions of Red Wine.” 

19. Floating Points - “LesAlpx” - Surrounded by outré synth experiments and beatless soundscapes on Crush, the first Floating Points album since 2015, “LesAlpx” is Sam Shepherd’s gift to club-goers everywhere. It’s a lean and mean house track, foregrounding propulsive percussion and rubbery bass, but it’s also deeply cerebral, creating a sense of foreboding urgency with detuned synths and ambient sine waves. 18. Daphni - “Sizzling” ft. Paradise - Built around a sample of Paradise’s seminal single “Sizzlin’ Hot,” Dan Snaith’s “Sizzling” extends the best moments of the classic post-disco smash to create five minutes of pure euphoria. The song starts in media res, with the groove in full form, and peaks at the end, when Snaith finally allows Paradise’s June Ventzos to finish her thought atop jubilant trumpets. 17. J Hus - “Must Be” - The latest genre-blending collaboration between J Hus and genius producer JAE5 proves that no man is safe from Hus’s dazzling logic, as he stacks syllogism after syllogism over an irresistible, afropop-flavored groove: “If it walk like an opp/Talk like an opp/Smell like an opp/Then it must be.” 16. Vampire Weekend - “Jerusalem, New York, Berlin” - Ever indulging his literary ambitions, Ezra Koenig uses the final track on Father Of The Bride to examine his Jewish identity, and to reckon with a world that hasn’t made sense since World War I. The prettiest melody on an album dripping with pretty melodies, “Jerusalem, New York, Berlin” packs enough symbolism into three minutes to inspire a seminar at Koenig’s Ivy League alma mater. Supported by yearning, spritely piano, Koenig ends the song with a poignant plea for peace, within reason: “So let them win the battle/But don't let them restart/That genocidal feeling/That beats in every heart.” 15. Great Grandpa - “Bloom” - The highlight from Great Grandpa’s outstanding Four Of Arrows album, “Bloom” is two songs in one. Part one brings punchy acoustic guitar that recalls ‘90s adult alternative (think Matchbox 20) and prime-era Saddle Creek (think Rilo Kiley) in equal measure. The second par tcompletes the song’s emotional arc, slowing down for a hypnotic wordless chorus, backed by weeping violins,. The key line here: “Please say I’m young enough to change.” 14. Spellling - “Real Fun” – Gleefully dramatic and overflowing with evil-sounding synths, “Real Fun” synthesizes Neneh Cherry, Bauhaus, and Cabaret into something that sounds like a villain’s theme in an animated musical that hasn’t been written yet.   13. Earthgang - “Proud Of U” ft. Young Thug – There’s no straight man to ground this ATL trio, as all three emcees lean into their vocal eccentricities while expressing their thanks to the women in their lives atop a mutating, guitar-driven beat. 12. Stella Donnelly - “Tricks” – In which the young heroine attempts to rid herself of a particularly toxic ex, who isn’t just misogynist, but a potential white supremacist sympathizer (her subject’s “Southern Cross Tattoo” is like an Aussie version of the MAGA hat). Heavy stuff, but Donnelly delivers everything with a grin, as if she’s wondering in real time why the hell she ever bothered with this jamoke. 11. Jenny Lewis - “On The Line” - The title track and emotional climax of Jenny Lewis’ latest album, “On The Line” boasts one of the finest vocal performances in her long career, sweetly assassinating her cheating ex-lover with a lilting melody and wry smile.

10. Lucinda Chua - “Whatever It Takes” – Lucinda Chua makes languid art pop in the tradition of fka twigs, but I prefer her understated longing to twigs herself. Her main instrument is the cello, but this track foregoes that sound almost entirely, opting instead for resonant Wurlitzer keys and multi-layered vocal harmonies, and shunting traditional song structure aside in favor of one enigmatic verse, repeating at odd intervals throughout: “Wait/The demons I carry are fake/I will fight our fire, too late.” 9. ShooterGang Kony - “Charlie” – The year’s most cold-blooded mob banger starts with the line “fuck the police and your mama if you ask me” and only escalates from there. Rhyming without affect over hiccuping bass, Kony mercilessly ethers cops, R&B singers, and women named Ashley before threatening to shoot you with a gun that sounds like Fozzy Bear. 8. KEY! - “Miami Too Much” – My favorite Atlanta rap song of the year gets its power from its hilariously specific central conceit, with KEY’s impassioned vocal selling the bit: “If you seen that ass, you'd make a song too.” How often must someone visit Dade County before it becomes an irreconcilable difference in an otherwise healthy relationship? 7. Raphael Saadiq - “Something Keeps Calling” ft. Rob Bacon - Named after his older brother, Raphael Saddiq’s towering Jimmy Lee album examines the personal cost of the crack epidemic, and the outsized role addiction plays in the lives of the destitute. “Something Keeps Calling” is the album’s crushing centerpiece, painting substances as at once a seductive lover and a heavy burden, one that overrides all common sense and decency: “My friends say I can never pull it together/Well they might be right, at least tonight/My kids say I'll never come home again/And I know they're right, at least tonight.” The song climaxes with Rob Bacon’s wailing guitar solo, which tries in vain to reach out to those beyond hope. 6. Bad Bunny & J Balvin - “La Canción” - Nestled in the middle of Balvin and Bunny’s summer smash OASIS, “La Canción” takes a break from the party to dwell on the inherent emptiness of their hedonistic lifestyle, as a mournful trumpet echoes the Reggaetoneros’ longing for meaningful connection amidst their chaotic lives. 5. Polo G - “Pop Out” ft. Lil TJay – Only Polo G would interrupt his own robbery to examine the sociological causes of his behavior: “We come from poverty, man, we ain't have a thing.” But on the rest of “Pop Out,” Polo leans into the dark side of his persona, before 2019’s most unlikely guest verse assassin Lil TJay brings the pathos: “If I showed you all my charges, you won't look at me the same.” In contrast to how effortless the two rappers sound atop the dramatic piano loop, listening to Lil Baby and Gunna wheeze through the remix hammers home the high degree of difficulty of such nimble melodics. It’s a testament to how fast rap music moves these days that Polo and TJay can make last year’s It Duo sound like geezers. 4. Octo Octa - “I Need You” – It starts as an intoxicatingly minimal expression of dancefloor lust, but halfway through, “I Need You” morphs into a sincere and moving tribute to everybody who helped Octo Octa become the woman she is today. It’s a moving moment tucked within an epic club track that works equally well as build-up or comedown.

3. Purple Mountains - “All My Happiness Is Gone” - It’s hard to find the words for this one, a matter-of-fact documentation of a man slowly losing his will to live--which became heartbreakingly clear when David Berman committed suicide in August. But because it’s Berman, “All My Happiness Is Gone” is packed with genius-level wordplay and devastating observations, and enough gallows humor to truly emphasize the gravity of his situation: “Friends are warmer than gold when you're old/And keeping them is harder than you might suppose//Lately, I tend to make strangers wherever I go/Some of them were once people I was happy to know.” I’ll keep going: “Ten thousand afternoons ago/All my happiness just overflowed/That was life at first and goal to go.” And one more: “Where nothing's wrong and no one's asking/But the fear's so strong it leaves you gasping/No way to last out here like this for long.”

2. Big Thief - “Not” - A torrid, slow-burning rocker, “Not” showcases lead singer-songwriter Adrienne Lenker’s skill with oblique imagery and wild-eyed intensity. Lenker rattles off a long list of poetic observations, trying to get to the heart of something (everything?) without ever finding a satisfactory answer, as the music morphs from a controlled simmer to a cacophonous freakout. “Not” climaxes with a riotous guitar solo from Lenker herself, one that reaches towards the cosmos and echoes her frayed vocal. As always with Big Thief, though, the song soars in the smallest moments, like when guitarist Buck Meek enters with plainspoken backing vocals, and at the beginning of the second verse when the guitars drop out and Lenker’s voice stands alone.

1. Burna Boy - “Anybody” - Sometimes the best song of the year is the one that makes you feel the best, and no song this year made me feel better than “Anybody.” “Anybody” is both inviting and aloof, urgent and relaxing. Riding an irresistible groove defined by syncopated keys, driving percussion, and an eager-to-please saxophone, Burna Boy slides between Pidgin English and Yoruba chasing a feeling that resonates beyond the capabilities of language. It’s a song about demanding and receiving respect, dripping with the contagious confidence of an African Giant. And for three minutes, you’ll feel like a giant too.

THE REST: 26. DaBaby - “Intro” 27. Perfume Genius - “Eye On The Wall” 28. Yves Jarvis - “To Say That Is Easy” 29. Doja Cat - “Cyber Sex” 30. Mannequin Pussy - “Drunk II” 31. Better Oblivion Community Center - “Dylan Thomas” 32. Shoreline Mafia - “Wings” 33. Kehlani - “Footsteps” ft. Musiq Soulchild 34. Obangjayar - “Frens” 35. Ariana Grande - “NASA” 36. Mustard ft. Roddy Ricch - “Ballin” 37. Baby Keem - “ORANGE SODA” 38. Jessie Ware - “Adore You” 39. 03 Greedo x Kenny Beats - “Disco Shit” ft. Freddie Gibbs 40. Martha - “Love Keeps Kicking” 41. Lucki - “More Than Ever” 42. Park Hye-Jin - “Call Me” 43. DaVido - “Disturbance” ft. Peruzzi 44. The Japanese House - “Worms” 45. Spencer Radcliffe - “Here Comes The Snow” 46. Dawn Richard - “Dreams And Converse” 47. ALLBLACK & Offset Jim - “Fees” ft. Capolow 48. David Kilgour - “Smoke You Right Out Of Here” 49. Sandro Perri - “Wrong About The Rain” 50. Nilüfer Yanya - “In Your Head” 51. Julia Jacklin - “Don’t Know How To Keep Loving You” 52. Miraa May - “Angles” ft. JME 53. (Sandy) Alex G - “Gretel” 54. Kelsey Lu - “Due West” 55. glass beach - “classic j dies and goes to hell, pt. 1” 56. Peggy Gou - “Starry Night” 57. Cate Le Bon - “Home To You” 58. Busy Signal - “Balloon” 59. NLE Choppa - “Shotta Flow” 60. Dee Watkins - “Hell Raiser” 61. Ari Lennox - “I Been” 62. The National - “Not In Kansas” 63. Shordie Shordie - “Both Sides” ft. Shoreline Mafia 64. Alex Lahey - “Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself” 65. Angel Olsen - “New Love Cassette” 66. Young Dolph - “Tric Or Treat” 67. Koffee - “Throne” 68. Freddie Gibbs & Madlib - “Half Manne, Half Cocaine” 69. Noname - “Song 32” 70. Anthony Naples - “A.I.R.” 71. Samthing Soweto - “Omama Bomthandazo (feat Makhafula Vilakazi)” 72. KAYTRANADA - “10%” ft. Kali Uchis 73. Moodymann - “Got Me Coming Back Right Now” 74. Drakeo The Ruler - “Let’s Go” ft. 03 Greedo 75. Teejayx6 - “Dark Web” 76. Cass McCombs - “I Followed The River South to What” 77. Gunna - “Idk Why” 78. Sharon Van Etten - “You Shadow” 79. Tresor - “Sondela” ft. Msaki 80. E-40 - “Chase The Money” ft. Quavo, Roddy Ricch, ScHoolboy Q & A$AP Ferg 81. Spielbergs - “Running All The Way Home” 82. 24kGoldn - “Valentino” 83. Quelle Chris - “Box of Wheaties” 84. Emily King - “Go Back” 85. AzChike - “Yadda Mean” ft. Keak Da Sneak 86. Club Night - “Path” 87. Zeelooperz - “Easter Sunday” ft. Earl Sweatshirt 88. Kim Gordon - “Murdered Out” 89. YS - “Bompton” (Remix) ft. 1TakeJay & OhGeesy 90. Future - “Never Stop” 91. Lowly - “baglaens” 92. SAULT - “Masterpiece” 93. Earl Sweatshirt - “TISK TISK/COOKIES” 94. Fireboy DML - “Energy” 95. Rio Da Young OG & Lil E - “Buy The Block” 96. Sacred Paws - “Write This Down” 97. Wilco - “Everyone Hides” 98. Black Belt Eagle Scout - “Real Lovin” 99. Sleepy Hallow - “Breakin Bad (Okay)” ft. Sheff G 100. Aimee Leigh & Baby Billy - “Misbehavin’ (1989)”

Here’s a Spotify playlist of the full list: 

[ourgreatconcavity]

My One-Act Play

Written for my Playwriting class during my senior year of college, fall semester.

                                                          Have it Your Way

                                               (Lights rise on a  deserted café. MICKEY is sitting at a table alone, taking occasional sips of his coffee. He is dressed in khakis and a  sweater with a dress shirt underneath. His demeanor is calm. LOUIS then enters the café, and sees MICKEY sitting. LOUIS, wearing jeans and a sweater with a hat, rushes over to the table and  takes the chair across from MICKEY.)

                                                                       LOUIS

Hey, Mickey.

                                                                         MICKEY

Morning, Louis.

                                                                         LOUIS

I flew out to see you as fast as I could.

                                                                         MICKEY

I see that.

                                                                       LOUIS

How have you been? Sometimes I still don't believe that Dad is gone.

                                                                         MICKEY

                                                           (A beat.)

I’ve been better. 

                                                                         LOUIS

You should try keeping busy, keeps your mind off things. 

                                                                         MICKEY

Yeah... 

(MICKEY looks immensely uncomfortable, while LOUIS  looks somber, staring into nothingness.)  

                                                                         LOUIS

I haven’t seen you in forever.

                                                                       MICKEY

Yeah, it’s been a while.

                                                                          LOUIS

What have you been up to?

                                                                         MICKEY

                                                           (Agitated.)

I don’t know. Nothing?

                                                                         LOUIS

Come on, you have to be up to something. You can’t be doing nothing for twenty years, and don’t say you’re doing nothing now; I can see your shoulders going up and down; you’re breathing, for one. Blinking, too, for another.

                                                                         MICKEY

I mean, I've been depressed lately, but there isn't much to talk about. It's been hard.

                                                 (There is a real struggle for conversation. MICKEY is constantly touching his face and running his fingers through his hair, anxious.  LOUIS fidgets in his seat and keeps itching the back of his head. MICKEY looks at LOUIS and his outfit, eyeing him up and down.)

                                                                         MICKEY

People are becoming more top-heavy it seems. Large sizes on top, and like, chicken legs or poles on the bottom. It’s like those huts built over water in the east; those skinny poles holding up so much weight, the tide teasing its power and destruction. 

                                                                         LOUIS

Bro, have you looked in the mirror? Better yet, have you looked down? Everything on you is slim-fit when really, you need Slim-Fast.

                                                                         MICKEY

I make it work. I do just enough exercise to fit in these outfits. I have it all worked out measurement wise. Like, if I have a medium fry at McDonald’s, I’ll have to do one hundred and fifty crunches to work out the fat. 

                                                                         LOUIS

I’m guessing you’re the type of guy who only eats the top half of a Big Mac, too. 

                                                                         MICKEY

...You’re not wrong. 

                                                                         LOUIS

Do you eat all the scraps of lettuce that fall out too? 

                                                                         MICKEY

Alright, now you’re going too far. I’m not going to tell you if you’re right or wrong; I’ll leave it ambiguous. Let’s just say I count every little sliver.

                                                                         LOUIS

Lettuce is the most nutritionally devoid vegetable besides celery. It’s like the Styrofoam you get in a package, just fluffs it up but has no singular, meaningful purpose. It's just texture… set decoration. Yet everyone always gets it on their sandwich! You know one time, when I was a kid, I saw a giant head of lettuce in the fridge. I told Mom to make me a sandwich with just lettuce, like literally, white bread and lettuce. I cried after a few bites because I thought my taste buds died. 

                                                                         MICKEY

Well, um… that's good to hear?

                                                                                     (A beat.)

                                                                       LOUIS

So, how's Diane doing with the loss? I know her and Dad were close, conjoined at the hip almost. She blocked my number awhile ago; haven't been able to get in contact.

                                                                         MICKEY

Did you say something?

                                                                         LOUIS

Yeah, about the family.

                                                                         MICKEY

Have you ever tried a Big Mac with tomato? You remember the jingle, right? Imagine the jingle with three extra syllables in the Big Mac melody; it would not fit. You might as well use an actual leaf of lettuce if you’re going to do that. And then if you use a leaf of lettuce, you’ll have to add those syllables into the melody, and then you get like an extra bar of music, and then McDonald's would have to pay the studio musicians more because of that extra bar, and then if they did have that extra bar, then everyone remembers the jingle with that extra bar, and it’s a whole calamity, like an alternate timeline. The question itself of a Big Mac with tomato makes no sense. 

                                                                         LOUIS

Extra, extra, extra. So much extra, you really are. Well, since we're on the topic of extra, what about extra sauce?

                                                                         MICKEY

The sauce is already on there, no need to add that to the jingle. Besides, the ‘correct amount of sauce’ is at the cook's discretion. For the very brief yet painful three months I worked there, each Big Mac I made had a specific number of fluid ounces of Mac Sauce.

                                                                         LOUIS

What's the magic number?

                                                                         MICKEY

Ain't important. You don't need to know.

                                                                         LOUIS

                                               (Feigned frustration.)

Well that's some bullshit. 

                                                                                   (A beat.)

                                                                         LOUIS

I haven't been able to get a hold of Mom yet. I don't know if she has gotten the will yet or --

                                                                       MICKEY

                                                           (Slams fist on the table, screaming.)

Don't change the subject!

                                                                         LOUIS

                                                           (Exasperated.)

Oh, um… I just wanted to know---

                                                                         MICKEY

The bun... give me your opinion on the bun.

                                                                       LOUIS

But what about the famil-

                                                                         MICKEY

                                                           (Slams fist on table.)

No! Now tell me…

                                                           (A beat.) What do you think about the bun…?

                                                                       LOUIS

                                                           (Confused.)

I don't know… I think it's fine?

                                                                       MICKEY

Well, which bun are you talking about? For their 'Artisan Sandwiches' they use different buns than for their Quarter Pounders, and the buns for their Quarter Pounders are different than the buns they use for their Big Macs.

                                                                         LOUIS

                                                           (A beat.)

Big Mac. I think it works well for the sandwich?

                                                                          MICKEY

Well, it’s just a sesame seed bun. Notice the alliteration there: sesame seed. It’s like Mr. McDonald himself named that bun sesame seed so he could have some alliteration in his jingle. A true literary great. Even Joyce wouldn’t have that thought. 

                                                                       LOUIS

I’m sure Joyce would be a Burger King guy; he’s the type to have it his way. Pynchon, too. Faulkner would be Subway, Steinbeck: In-n-Out Burger, or maybe a winery in Silas. 

                                                                         MICKEY

What about Kafka? 

                                                                         LOUIS                                                                        

Hmmm. He’s a burger guy, but I don’t know where in particular. I feel no matter where he goes, the place would close due to an insect infestation. Or it would be a madhouse in there, like the DMV. 

                                                                         MICKEY                                

Who else?

                                                                         LOUIS

Maybe Cormac McCarthy... I could see him ordering a burger here, asking for it prepared like ‘the evening redness in the burger’, and he would probably get mad because the cashier taking his order only reads postmodern literature, and has no idea what Southern Gothic is, like he probably thinks it’s like a category at Party City for Halloween costumes. And when Mr. McCarthy gets his burger, the same as it's cooked for everyone else, McCarthy would complain fiercely in poetic anger, and the employee would tell McCarthy to hit the road, which is ironic because that’s a book by McCarthy, and also a popular phrase, AND also funny because the cashier wouldn’t know he’s making a literary reference to a book he knows nothing about.

                                                                         MICKEY

I think you're talking out of your ass.

                                                                         LOUIS                                                                          

What about a McDonald’s McCarthy Mac’n’Milkshake? 

                                                                         MICKEY        

That’s wrong on two levels.

                                                                         LOUIS            

Care to elaborate?

                                                                         MICKEY

I know for a fact McCarthy would not order a Mac and a shake – it would be a Mac and a Sprite, no ice. Second, McDonald's cannot call their shakes ‘milkshakes’ - they don’t have any actual milk in it. Haven’t you seen the commercials or the posters? No suspicion on why they don’t use MILK in the typical phrase that comes to mind, MILKSHAKE? 

                                                                         LOUIS

I guess you’re right. You’re a whiz when it comes to McDonald’s.

                ��                                                      MICKEY

They always bitched at me because I ate all the food that fell on the ground. They were really against that, like, reallllllly against it.

                                                                         LOUIS

Yeah, I bet. Listen, have you been in contact with any of the family at all?

                                                                         MICKEY

There was one time I almost bit my manager’s hand off. It was bad. It was the end of the night, and we were closing. We had some extra food, and I had been craving some nuggets, like really intense cravings, pregnancy style, like -- I wanted to mix sauce with sauce and apply it to the meat. Well, my manager takes all the nuggets, and all the sauces, and locks himself in the office, and it wasn’t even his office, it was the actual store managers office, and starts chompin’ away. Some people eat in their offices; well he was masticating heavily and aggressively in that office. I barge in and break the lock, hungry and angry, and I see a nugget in his hand, a golden fried literal nugget of recently introduced one hundred percent all white meat chicken. I go for the bite, and end up getting some arm, seasoned lightly with hair. I can even taste the dried tattoo ink. He’s screaming, and in that second, I knew I was fired. All my hard work gone for one leftover ten piece. 

                                                                         LOUIS

Mickey, we need to talk about--

                                                                         MICKEY

Ask me how it was.

                                                                         LOUIS

                                                           (Sighs loudly.)

 Did it at least taste good? 

                                                                         MICKEY

I’m not a cannibal, the arm was terrible. 

                                                                         LOUIS

No, the nugget. 

                                                                         MICKEY

Oh, it was okay. Could have used more seasoning. It looked good enough, but when I ate it, it was just alright. 

                                                                         LOUIS

What a shame.

                                                                         MICKEY

I didn’t even get any sauce! No honey mustard, no buffalo, no sweet and sour!

                                                                         LOUIS

Did they ever charge you for extra sauce? 

                                                                          MICKEY

No, that was one of the benefits. They let you have two sauces instead of one. It really adds up when you order a twenty piece during your break every shift. Those fifty cents for the sauce came in handy for the bus fare. Now all it’s good for is lottery tickets. I swear I’m winning one of these days. I can feel it!

                                                                                     (A beat.)

                                                                       LOUIS

So, now that you've dodged the bullet long enough, when are we gonna start talking about the burial plans for Dad? Or the will?

                                                                         MICKEY

When you were younger, which Kids Meal toy was your favorite? I always liked the Hot Wheels ones.

                                                                       LOUIS

Stop! We have to talk about the family. Dad left us in a serious hole.

                                                                         MICKEY

I was always pissed when they wouldn't offer me the Mighty Kids meal when we would go in. I mean, they could see that I was pretty grown--

                                                                         LOUIS

Will you shut the fuck up and listen? I'm tired of beating around the bush. This is a serious subject!

                                                                         MICKEY

Well yeah, the toys for the Mighty Kids meals were different than for the regular Kid's Meals--

                                                                         LOUIS

You're in denial.

                                                                         MICKEY

No, I'm not.

                                                                          LOUIS

Don't you care about Dad? Don't you care about anything regarding this family? It's easier for you to talk about McDonald's than about our family?

                                                                         MICKEY

Are you serious right now?

                                                                         LOUIS

Yes, I'm serious! Now, you can either tell me if you've talked to the family, or you can just leave.

  (MICKEY gets up from his chair and pushes it in. LOUIS looks at him in astonishment.)

                                                                       LOUIS

Are you serious? Seriously, Mickey?

 (MICKEY walks off the set, and LOUIS sits at the table, dumbfounded.)

                                                                       LOUIS

Fine, Mickey. Have it your way.

                                                                       Blackout.

[fantroll-purgatory]

Alright, it’s me again. I feel like we’re finishing up remaking my entire original fansessions. That’s pretty cool. I was originally going to submit the seer of the session since she had been replaced by Riscat, but you guys had already reviewed her! Lorlei Zlaman, if you remember. So instead I chose the witch. Alright, here we go!

(Now that’s what I call Editing. I think I’m gonna do my best to suggest edits to shape this character into staying a Witch of Hope instead of my usual schtik, since I don’t have a good grasp on all of your characters for this session at the moment! (I’ve only done two of them personally so far!)) -SA  

Name: Diviya Lenark

Meaning: you know by now that it’s none. But I did do some research! Diviya means divine power, and Lenark is a type of vodka. I think the first name fits more than the last.

Sign: Taurnius, sign of the abider

(SIGN OF THE ENTREPRENEUR) Typing Quirk: replaces c with [ and e with <, constantly uses tree puns such as birch=bitch, oaky=ok

(I like this a lot. Tree puns! We love nature!)

Lusus: treemom (a sentient tree that Diviya made a home out of. She’s still alive, but she can’t move. Her hive is basically a small room inside of her still living lusus with a couple levels)

(Okay I get where you’re coming from but Lusii don’t work like that. As much as I want them to. And Bronzebloods have the most connection to lusii, so this is especially important!) (But I like the idea of her having a plant based home and sensibilities. What about… a Bowerbird. But obviously not a standard, run of the mill bowerbird, a plant bowerbird who tends the giant TreeHouse with her. Like Deramon!)

(Plant Bird Parental Figure) Trollian Handle: punnyTreebark[PT]

(Hear me out: punnyPernambuco, also known as Brazilwood!)

Weapon: potions! She knows exactly how to make herbal remedies, and herbal poisons

(H-HerbalismKind…)

Special Abilities: none besides regular bronze ones

Outfit: a brown jacket, t-shirt, and violet skirt that was a gift from her moirial, Selefi

Personality: Diviya is a happy go lucky troll, always making tree puns. She’s always happy to help, and wants to be friends with everyone! She loves to garden and mix brews of plants. She wants everyone to be happy, so makes certain brews so trolls can forget about their worries and relax. It’s basically weed.

After the events of sgrub go down, she goes a little mad with power after getting close to winning the game. She tries to kill Riscat, and only succeeds in blinding him before getting stabbed in the back by Riscat’s moirial, Feyarr. More things happen, Selefi ends up dying too, and Diviya gets a just death. Once she’s in the dream bubble (singular, the mage of life isn’t that good at making them) she has awhile to think about what she did and how she messed up the session.

(We love Witches of Hope who go powermad! I jest, but Witch of Hope, in my humble opinion is one of the EASIEST TO ABUSE classpects. You just mess with everyone’s emotions! Change the state of the game!) (Odd comment here: does this session have two life players? Zar was also originally written as a Life player, but a Knight.)

Dancestor: Kumula Lenark, the mage of Hope

Ancestor: the Halflife (I made her before I knew what half-life was I swear) the Halflife was a troll who had gone under inhumane experiments from the Deceiver Catalyst (remember him?) and ended up escaping and causing his death in revenge. She’s the main antagonist in the session, and is technically immortal since she’s only half alive. She causes havoc and even gives another one of the trolls from Diviya’s session permanent brain damage after drop kicking her through time and space because she knew too much. In order to achieve that, she kidnapped the page of time from the dancestor session, and murdered the rest of the dancestors. She’s defeated eventually, but that’s not important. (While I love a good D/Ancestor plotline, in profiles like these it’s equally if not more important to know if these are shaping the character. Trolls, ESPECIALLY Prospit trolls, put a lot of stock in “genetic destinies” like these.)

Lunar Sway: Prospit (To tie into my comments above, Diviya trying to emulate her Ancestor (or gain revenge for her) would be very in-line with the Prospitan views of Fate and Destiny. Just look at how Vriska was with Mindfang.)

God tier: Witch of Hope

(Her lowkey drugging of people definitely fits in with this. Actively going out and changing the hopes and options available to her teammates. Not always for good purposes either. I think an element of denial would serve her well here? A lack of willingness to accept things as they are, to believe that they’re better in a detrimental way to her progress as person, as she’s a villain.) (Her inverse being Seer of Rage adds to this too- be able to invite knowledge THROUGH Rage as well as deeply knowing and advising on it. She knows all of the uppers and the downers and how JUST to provoke someone into going full clowntown. No wonder she’s got a purple moirail.)

Fetch Modus: similar to Riscats, she has to blend and mash the items after waiting for them to grow together in order to bring them out in one heaping mess. It’s a bit annoying but she manages.

Land: Land of Glass and Cushions

That should be it! Thank you!!

And here’s her sprite. It’s been remade twice so far, you should have seen the old one it was horrid.

[lordwaffleking]

Stop Holding My Hand And Let Me Masturbate Already

Official review of Pokemon Sun and Moon via Lord Waffle King Dot Com.

www.lordwaffleking.com is still currently down and under construction so I’m just gonna post this here for now.

The Pokemon series has come quite a long way. From the very first games for the Game Boy, all through the many sequels and spin-offs, the world of Pokemon has grown exponentially and touched many, many lives. I’ve been a huge Pokemon guy ever since the first games, and whenever a new one is announced, I’m always nothing less than enthralled.

They’ve been with me through it all, man. When I was learning to read? There’s a lot of reading in Pokemon. When I was learning to make friends? Pokemon was what brought us together. And when I started touching myself for the first time? Yeah, I busted some fat nuts on Pokemon.

And then Pokemon Sun and Moon came along. I followed the news all the way up until release. I reported it all, right here on WWW Dot Lord Waffle King Dot Com. The designs looked great. The game looked perfect. I was sure this would be the greatest one yet, beating out my previous favorite that was Black and White.

I was very, very wrong.

Pokemon Sun and Moon have to be the greatest train-wreck of a Pokemon game I’ve ever played. To simply call the game “bad” wouldn’t quite explain the situation well enough, but I wouldn’t hesitate to call it my least favorite Pokemon game. And it really breaks my heart.

In my time playing Sun and Moon, I lost interest several times. Something that’s never happened to me before in a Pokemon game. I had to force myself to complete it, and only because I wanted to know who all the characters were so I could jerk off to hentai of them.

I mean, you can’t just whack it to a girl you don’t know. What kind of animal does that? Someone that doesn’t respect women, that’s who.

Pokemon games have slowly become more and more bloated over the years, but Sun and Moon are the first to ever truly be weighed down by it. Sun and Moon doesn’t know who it’s catering to anymore, and in an attempt to please everyone, they’ve really only succeeded in providing a clusterfuck of things that really don’t mesh well.

It’s an incredibly ambitious game, don’t get me wrong. Graphics are great for a 3DS game, and the presentation is phenomenal. A great soundtrack like always, and the Alola region has to be one of the best out of all of them. The Pokemon designs are fucking fantastic, all of the characters are likeable and well-developed. And surprisingly, even the story is great. The writing potentially rivals Black and White, actually. There’s real character development and everything. Not just a fat kid that likes to dance. In that sense, I’d actually rank it as one of the best Pokemon games. Possibly the best.

And yet the promising plot and world-building is held back by what I can only assume was corporate meddling on the Pokemon Company’s part to try and make the game appeal to the little shits sucking their glue through a straw because their negligent moms let them play Pokemon Go in the fucking street. Maybe they felt like they had to compete with Yo-Kai Watch and try to make the whole game into one long cartoon episode.

Fuck that shit though.

I wanted to explore Alola. I wanted to catch Pokemon and immerse myself in this world. I wanted a grand adventure. What I got was a special ed class Easter egg hunt. Getting lead by the hand to all the conspicuously placed Easter eggs, and having them all pointed out to me and placed gently in my basket by an adult so that I wouldn’t accidentally shove them up my ass by mistake.

It’s like going to Disney World with gassy Uncle Boris. No, don’t go on ride. Uncle Boris no feel good. Uncle Boris eat too much asparagus. Please, keep walking. We walk around park and go home.

Elsa and Snow White could be flashing their tits and beckoning you to join them on the fucking tea cup ride, but no. Keep walking. Look, there’s Mickey Mouse over there. No, you can’t go say hi to him. That’s not a part of the fucking tour. Keep walking.

The entire first half of the game feels like one long tutorial. It doesn’t at any point let you go to explore on your own time. You go where it tells you, you explore the way it wants you to. Read all of the dialogue, do the battles it presents to you, watch all of the completely unnecessary cutscenes. Why so many cutscenes? Pokemon doesn’t need that many. The cutscenes are done very well, yes. They help to build up the characters and make the emotional impact they deliver in the end that much more powerful. Sure. But the same was accomplished with N in Pokemon Black and White, and it didn’t require stagnating the whole fucking game.

When the action does open up, during that entire first half of the game that spans two of the region’s four islands, it hardly even makes a difference. The islands are designed in such a linear fashion, there really isn’t even a need for the map that takes up the bottom half of the screen. It’s a straight, Point A to Point B map. There are no “dungeons” in the same sense that older Pokemon games have had. Caves, forests, and other places to explore are kept to a minimum, and when there are some, they’re usually presented as part of the game’s “trials” which replace the gyms from older games.

Which would be fine, if it didn’t hold your hand through trials just in case battling a singular wild “Totem” Pokemon with slightly higher stats than usual was too hard for you. It tells you very clearly where to go, what to do, and how to do it. The mini-map on the bottom screen, which is an unfortunate waste of UI space, always has a very clear marker point of where you’re supposed to go. It’ll even offer you little hints. Say, didn’t the professor go that way, you know, where the little red flag is? Gosh, there might be something important there. Let’s go there.

There’s genuinely a point in the game where the map will present a goal for you, and then instead of just letting you go there, you’ll walk out and find that an NPC was out there waiting for you with a brief cutscene telling you which way the mini-map, that’s always on the bottom pointing you in the right direction, wanted you to go. And then it’ll proceed to lead you there, having you follow the NPC all the way to the trial site. You know, in case a giant red flag on the bottom screen was too hard to find.

And that’s after the fucking two island-long tutorial.

This was a big step in making the game autism-proof, I get it. It was to make sure that the generation of kids raised on Angry Birds and fidget spinners could play the game just like everyone else. But there’s no way to turn it the fuck off? I wanna play Pokemon games too. Come on.

Pretty much every older DS Pokemon game used the bottom screen in a better way. Even Pokemon Ranger. I’d rather draw fucking circles than put up with this bullshit. Sure, make the completely redundant mini-map the default. But there’s so much more you could’ve put there.

The incredibly promising Poke Pelago, a touch screen-based way to interact with your Pokemon, is locked away in menus when it could’ve easily been at your fingertips at all times. And on top of that, every time you want to use it, you need to watch an unskippable cutscene of your trainer traveling to the fucking Poke Pelago just to use it.

The touch controls are also fairly sloppy with Poke Pelago, something surprising considering Pokemon’s years of slowly perfecting its touch screen UI. There’s so many tiny sprites on the bottom screen moving around, it’s easy to accidentally tap the wrong thing when you’re just trying to collect some God damned beans.

So many strides have been made in eliminating annoying quirks that the games have had for ages, and yet all the tiny steps towards progress are fucked up by glaring bad design choices.

It’s really sad, it really is. It’s like a Miss America pageant contestant in Pokemon game form. It’s really fucking gorgeous. I’d fuck it. And the script, clearly, had had a lot of work put into it. But in the end, it’s just really fucking stupid. If you asked Sun and Moon what it meant to them to be a Pokemon game, they would ramble on incoherently about Pokemon games bringing people together for ten minutes, and then point to an Alolan form Pokemon and say “Kanto, remember?” You can get your favorite Pokemon from the first games, but now they have a much more exotic penis.

And yet even with the shitty execution, I still felt the emotional climax at the end of the game. Which made it so hard for me to accept how much I hated it. By the end of the game, I wanted to love it, I really did. But now all I feel is the disappointment of how much better it could’ve been if they didn’t butcher it.

A Pokemon Sun and Moon where I get to explore all of the islands without cutscenes every couple steps. Where there aren’t ten different forms of point markers to tell you where you’re supposed to go at any given point, and I can play the game to its fullest without worrying about accidentally overpowering myself. Almost every cutscene ends with someone giving you ten Max Revives. And they heal your Pokemon for you on top of it. There was really no reason to ever use healing items or Pokemon Centers, which are now conveniently located on almost every route now instead of only towns, because everyone would heal you before every major battle anyway. There was a time where I actually used healing items, because I was towards the end of the game. But no, they were wasted. As soon as I approach this powerful, endgame trainer, someone steps in and pitches me an entire medicine cabinet and heals my Pokemon for me.

There’s a difference between “Oh, just turn the Exp. Share off, then it won’t be too easy” and “Oh, just don’t talk to anyone, don’t buy anything, don’t battle too much, don’t explore the miscellaneous side-quests on each route, don’t use the Poke Pelago, turn Exp. Share off, don’t look at your bottom screen, ignore all of the cutscene dialogue, and don’t do any of the StreetPass Festival Plaza shit or whatever. Come on, it’s not too easy”.

It’s like if they made a reality TV show where you have to live in the same house as 8 different grandmas, but try not to get fat from them stuffing you full of food. You can refuse all you want, but they’re gonna get you. Even if you eat only three times a day, you’re gonna die of cardiac arrest. And you’re only allowed to murder one, the rest have to go from natural causes. There’s no way you’ll take home the million-dollar prize. You have better chances of beating the robot from Jeopardy.

Even the obnoxious feature where Pokemon call for help doesn’t do anything to balance the game, it just makes it more of a drag.

“Too easy” or “for casuals” would be the cop out verdict. The truth is that the game is just miserably balanced, relying on an instant gratification-style of gameplay and a slow-paced narrative that makes the game intolerable. The point where things start actually getting good is the brief half hour before it cuts to the credits, and then the game is over before it even starts.

It’s like not being able to get your peepee up and then when it’s finally up you blast your load immediately.

I think a lot of people did not actually like Sun or Moon, despite the overwhelmingly positive reviews. I don’t think a lot of people played it all the way through, actually. It’s a lot like when No Man’s Sky launched, and everyone was pretending to love it until someone said something about it. Several people told me Sun and Moon was just fantastic, and then they’d say “yeah, I’m on the second island now” and then they’d just leave the game for something else.

I think a lot of people just watched all the leaks and then beat off to hentai of the new characters and then just pretended like they finished the game. Not saying that no one at all enjoyed the game, I’m sure a lot of people did. A lot of people could’ve looked past the glaring flaws and loved it for what it was.

That doesn’t stop the fact that it’s still the only Pokemon game I’ve ever played that I didn’t have fun with. And that will be a mark of shame that the game has to wear. I almost wish that all I did was watch the leaks and never play the game. I could’ve lived with the illusion that Pokemon could do no wrong.

But no. I had to be a gentleman and learn the names of all the trainers before looking up hentai of them.

This is why chivalry is fucking dead.

[cold-iron-burns]

We've come to a consensus.

Everyone present at the time of this writing will do their best to inform the ones who need the support of a gentle delivery of current events.

The ayes have it.

YOU WOULD HAVE A PARLIAMENT AS YOUR COMMUNICATION SPACE

what's wrong with that? if we all actually do our jobs, so many more of us will be represented

THATS A LOGICAL ARGUEMENT, BUT WHO IS REALLY GETTING REPRESENTED

-wait WhAt?! HoW mAnY oF yOu ArE tHeRe

Oh honey, more than you will ever know. It's gonna be okay. We found each other and that's what's important. We're gonna start introducing ourselves,

*or at least, becoming more clear*

I love all of you so much, thank you so much for letting me in, for being patient with me. I think I'm the host? what iss. @ -o{oo#t?

started dissociating, it felt physically painful. the documenter.

And the enchanting lady is? *turns to tip his hat and wink at the camera* A -name-? Do you honestly think I could have settled on any name? Any singular--yes, Zed is going to sleep. I'm very fond of him. Attracted to him? He is my Adonis. Every inch of his body is particularly unique to his position in spacetime. There will never again be a Zed in which he appears, feels, smells and tastes exactly the same as he does at this exact moment, continued, forever and so on, as far as you know, infinitely. The Philosopher.

Wait, no, the Philanthropist

Wait wait NO, I stand by The Philosopher (for now)

[hold up, are y'all tellin me -- you c'n cawl me your White Trash Sweetheart, get rid of that bracket there, that's for the Host now

she doesnt know if she's the host or not, wibblywoooooo~ teen punk brat? aww man, fuck you you stupid piece of shit

hiiii yeah hi, I'm post-apocalypse punk Mayor (yes, you can call me that, but its aspirational) wow very humble -- golf commentater (now based on ugh this is important remember the actress' name, you look stupid, don't just stand there staring off into space, GET BACK TO WORK

OH YEAH, hi BiTcH --oh he's gone, that's -too- bad. well, as I'm here anyway, we should get to know one another. I'm "sassy black woman" because you're ashamed people will think you're using me just for drama and that's pretty fuckin racist--

I'm Final Form Chie. I started as so many of our seeds do, a poor slave girl, who loses her virginity yeah it's okay to make shortcuts

FOCUS

she gains skills, proves useful to the master, destroys the master (sometimes with kindness sometimes literally depending on what we need at the time)

[I didn't know it was that specific]

I'm mixed, actually, but I'm inspired SO MUCH by Claws. FUCKING REPRESENTATION FINAL--

>nope nope nope, shut it down<

John Cleese?

not exactly. A bit like the entire cast of monty python rolled into one. I'm from the countryside, but I can't say for sure where

woooooo we almost lost her there. she was panicking about losing this productive high, but she pulled through and FOUND THAT RUBI. Small Town Beauty Queen. I don't find it insulting if it helps you remember me. I started as Fern of Charlotte's Web. I keep that mournful lullaby for you. It really changed your path, dear heart. I don't become Miss America or anything, I'm too old by that time. But I love my family so much. You have so much anger

Yes, that's right, Dearie. Maiden, Mother, Crone. We don't think it was intentional but we like the power we have when we cooperate. Yes, we guide ... oh honey, don't cry, it's gonna be okay. no, n-n-no, no, you don't h-h-have to oh no, I really don't want to be here, I wasn't sure what to wear before, oh, I've gotten comfortable and I'm stuttering less. No, I don't think people who stutter in real life have this drastic of

oh, oh my. oh no, I'm still Achates.

Does it really surprise you? Chie and Amaury loved me so much that they couldn't bear to part entirely. They feel loyal to answer when you call on them when recalled in memories; they consider it their duty to fight in sharing our stories! With Pictures!

I don't need pictures

Don't you? you need to sleep, you're exhausted and you have an appointment tomorrow. Please go the fuck to bed. Slightly Extra (okay kinda actually just really ~(EXTRA)~

okay how do I... Ah, I got it. I'm the lucky early gen x mom you both wish you had -- no, we are not combined, sugar tits.

I'm the hardass 70s-80s mom you would have had if you're life was a movie. Well, technically I can mask as any kind of 70s-80s media mom (one of y'all--us! oh, yes, i hear you. I want you to know I would protect you, Kevin. MOM UGH

keep going - the sprites (soot or rainbow, we shift to suit your needs. we might steal your shoes. we are only some of the fae court. crossover unknown cannot compute - PLEASE HURRY. GOOD. I AM THE ROBOT OF THE 80s and --scratch that record

I'm that part of you who knew she couldn't look like Zach Morris and wanted so badly just to be a little boy. You were SO CONNECTED with the host when I was there?

wait, I'm the host

no, you--you are now because writing takes concentrating which you are losing quickly. Hello! I'm Sassy Progressive Upper Class CONCENTRATE, DAMMIT. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. I don't care if I sound like -your-mom. Someone has to be the mom around here!

Someone has to be the mom around here.

Who wrote it?

you are high af.

keep letting your eyes go out of focus, yes you're getting sleepy, think how nice the bed will feel on that aching body. She deserves some rest, the old girl.

My body is a cow? wait, there's more. she shifts to being omniscient for scenes, if a cowsona (oh, yes, Buana and Gaushala and Pirwa ... Gaushala still has an arrow in the heart.

Yes, WoW Chie (Chiela will do.). I was here while you built your confidence to try... yes, dear, you really should sleep. TO TRY GETTING CATRIN AND RIAIN A HOME AFTER being abandoned when some of you lost the "spark" or whatever with Michael. I orchestrated some of the setup. you don't need to know my name. I'm both Italian immigrant/WHOA DO NOT EVEN CONNECT THE JEWISH COMMUNITY TO--NO, We Dont...*clears throat, drinks water*. No, you're not wealthy like Ms. Maisel, -we-, sorry, sometimes I have to pretend. Speaking of pretending, no, kid, I'm not as funny or talented as all the wonderful Jewish actresses (yeah yeah, Italian-American you, whatever his+her names are, we'll get to you later)

oh nooooo they're not sure if they'll fit the stereotype if they get loud but they wanna

yeah, sure kid, we sound a lot alike. we exist in a liminal space in which America (and new york city) (and every big american metropolis)... we can all celebrate our differences

It's alright, you just need to focus. I'm 90s Successful Well Paying Professional (I can be in the late 80s WA>T)

you're just stating tropes you stupid bitch

whale!

MISS PIGGY

LOOK AT HER FAT FINGERS

remember when you -hold on- hold on for me, my love lovely?

~do you wanna be my lover, gotta get wit my friends, make it last forever cause that's the way it is"

some of us havent learned to swype yet, fuuuuuck. you're popular--but not top tier popular 4th grade 4H champion with all the ribbons. you'll grow up (yes it's hard, i want to be a teacher one day. I'm based on Angie. I'm the imaginary life you might have led if your family wasn't so difficult. We should give them credit, everyone's trying their best. Oh, I can take on mom duties when I need, we also have kids in our future. We live in Lagrange (my husband and I, at this point in the line) but we don't make as much as our parents yet, though. Yet. Yes, I know what it feels like to feel content but maybe have some (or a lot of) wanderlust in life. I'm ten or so years older than you, so while our dedication to staying in Lorain County is important to the values we wish to impart on our children (yes we are Christian. We love Sharon with all our heart and we're so glad (there's a small congregation of us, maybe enough to fill a quiet one room cottage on Sunday, God willing. I'm inspired by the Amish women I see selling their wares and replicate "Amish" methods when making food for my family (I'm good friends with The Baker. We watch Steven Universe with you! We're so excited for the movie and hope we get to talk to you about it! I showed it to Chip and Carol, well I keep talking with them about it and they agreed to get around to watching it with me. I want to be a good ally. I'm, you know, only a little bi. I know that's probably inappropriate--oh- okay, oh, my, oh WOW are my hormones nuts. I'm pretty enough but nerdy enough that I'm kinda in a weird middle tier of popularity. Haha, oh, that's funny. I'm part Sunday (we miss her! some of us are so jealous of her we want to claw her comfortable boomer life from her hands.

That's awful. Shame on you. Suffering is relative.

SHE HASN'T EVEN SUFFERED A FRACTION OF WHAT I SUFFERED

Oh yes. You are the raw emotion of what the Host(?) feels when listening to Jekyll & Hyde, but only the certain version claws at our hearts

We salute the departed Host.

I miss her. Many of us do. But she crumbled under the pressure of knowing too much. She remembered too much before she was ready.

Parliament: We [redacted for time] ...salute her memory. She fought well, carried her armor, was ready to take on anything and change the world, even if in a small way.

She's Not Dead.

sprites: {hushed whispers to avoid being heard by parliament} {WAIT, NO, WE ARE NOT THE HOUSE OF COMMONS}

there's a lot of you when you get mad.

@@@@@@ Angie no, please don't put me to bed. I'm gonna be a computer genius - I mean, maybe not genius and did you know colleges could pay you to get a Bachelor's degree, it's called "scholarships", I mean, this changes -everything-!

I love you, Cameron. I came first, but you gave me a perfect form. I help the others feel calm. Community is punk, but is corporate entanglement the final destination-- hey, wait a minute, I'm not done talking!

whoa bitch. I mean, we have to mention joe. want to be him, want to fuck him, His story, too, is tangible to me. maybe we're a package deal now, ha! I'll try to remember the good times more than the bad, for the health of all of us.

SO SAY WE ALL

wait, what the fuck are you trying to say

hey, it's cool, it's cool.

nah it aint cool

STOP IT STOP FIGHTING

let's think about date sugar

Ah. That was a good distraction. but we really must be off to bed.

is this productive?

Love, it's okay to be sad about losing the real Ben. \It's okay to have any kind of feeling at all.

Ladies and gents and nonbinaries and everyone else, please at least get up into the bed to think about flickin the bean. More like taking a bush-hog to a lil baby bean sprout, but whatever. let the rest of us lie down.

night y'all!

:)

[relieity]

CHAPTER 1 META/ANALYSIS

MOBILE USERS have my apologies for the length – though rest assured this WILL be under a cut due to the following:DISCUSSION ABOUT MAJOR NDRV.3 EVENTS IN CHAPTER ONE — INCLUDING DISCUSSION OF THE VICTIM, TRIAL, MURDERER, AND EXECUTION. OTHER CHAPTERS AND PARTS OF OUMA’S CHARACTER ARE ALSO HEAVILY MENTIONED. I wanted to shed light on what i presume to be Ouma’s thoughts on the matter, as well as OUMA’S FORESHADOWING leading up to the closing portion of the chapter. And boy, is there a lot. I’ll be using SCREENSHOTS of THELIFELIKETEXTUBE’S PLAYTHROUGH of this chapter with HAJIMIKIM.O’S TRANSLATION. Thank you for understanding !! Anyway,

After the events of Chapter 1 and the Prologue combined, Ouma’s character almost seems set in stone. To many in game and out of it, he’s set this ‘role’ for himself. A child seeking entertainment only for himself, a bit of a jerk, noisy, a trickster, a liar. It’s very easy to discredit most of what he says, and just as easy to assume that all he says are lies as well. After all, it’s practically his catchphrase– “ 嘘 だ よ” ( usoda yo / that’s a lie! ) So when it comes to the killing game itself, it’s equally as safe to assume that his reactions are lies as well. He’s a liar, after all.

Later events prove this to be false, but what I want to look at FIRST is the difference in REACTIONS Ouma has throughout the murder/trial/execution. He doesn’t get a lot of spotlight, but he gets enough for the differences to be easy to spot if one looks for them. A notable part of what we see is this ‘act’ ( a mask ) he puts on, portraying himself as the ‘child’ they expect him to be–one who almost seems sadistic in nature, enjoying witnessing the negative reactions he gets in return for his behavior–and with this act, his reactions are…well, pretty fitting. For the most partthat is.

For one example, Iruma’s rebuttal after he accused her of killing Amami. She insults him in return ( “a compulsive shota liar!” ) and he responds just as you’d expect someone of his ‘type’ to do. He’s loud, his tears are messy, and he’s just downright ANNOYING.

…and just as soon as he starts crying, he’s over it. He’s already gotten the reaction he wanted, so there’s no need to play the ‘part’ anymore. Such a switch is so casual, but the reactions we see are so different from one another. Now, comparing it to a later portion of this trial: after akamatsu’s execution.

Here, we see a completely different side of Ouma’s character. He actually seems ANGRY at the situation ( and he is, as we find out later in the game. In fact, later in the game he uses these same sprites when he expresses his feelings about the killing game and the situation they’re in. So it’s enough to infer that when he speaks with these sprites in this sort of context, he’s being GENUINE. )

…and still, he lies. There’s something suspicious though, in regard to how quickly he switched here in comparison to the others. Given this is after Kaede’s death, and previous interactions with him, his hesitation with Saihara just feels…off. Sure, he switches just as quickly as when he was crying crocodile tears, but it’s in this same scene you notice thetension in his voice, in comparison to something akin to a child. He’s angry, and rightfully so, even if he did know the truth of the matter much earlier than everyone else did. His tears here are less theatrical, but for more evidence that can hint towards the fact he WASN’T lying, let’s look at how he sent Kaede off.

He’s SERIOUS. One thing that’s particularly noticeable with Ouma’s character is that he likes things to be “interesting”, or at the very least–NOT BORING. In his FTEs with Saihara, specifically, he often notes in a fond manner how interesting Saihara is, and how ‘surprising’ some of his responses are, if you choose to be bolder. It breaks the mold of what he expected Saihara to be like, and this…does sort of fall into how he thought of Kaede.

She broke the ‘mold’, the ‘role’ that she was given – as the PROTAGONIST, she was hopeful, yet she fell into despair, falling into Monokuma’s trap and acting accordingly. This was INTERESTING, and while he likely wasn’t happy with the choice she made, it was different from what was expected of her, it wasn’t boring, and helped ‘make’ her an ‘interesting person’.

The highest compliment he’s able to give is calling someone interesting, so for Kaede to get such a high compliment in a short expanse of time, well…it isn’t something to be taken lightly.

Too, it’s a matter of the tone of his voice. When he says this specific line, there’s NO TRACE of mockery. He isn’t teasing, he isn’t joking around–rather, it’s…flatter, more MONOTONOUS than the rest of his voiced lines. There’s no exaggeration for any syllable, rather, he’s speaking directly to Kaede – while I can’t speak with certainty that he knew that it might not leave as much as an impact as it was intended, it’s enough to infer with his character that this was a genuine send off for her.

MOVING ON… Ouma has a tendency to FORESHADOW future events in-game. That, and he always seems to showcase that he knows more than he lets on, only to brush things off as a joke afterward so people wouldn’t take him quite as seriously. While I won’t show every example–there’s far too many for that–some of the more prominent examples of this are in his FTES WITH KAEDE, AND IN KAEDE’S RESPECTIVE TRIAL.

In Kaede’s first free time event with Ouma, he exploits her trusting nature, and shows the player how easily she falls for certain ‘tricks’ depending on what emotion he displays alongside the words he speaks. In this free time event, Ouma claims that they met before the killing game semester, displaying desperation and ‘genuine’ upset that she’s ‘FORGOTTEN ABOUT HIM’. While it’s obvious this is a lie, he manages to convince her into believing him–having Kaede eventually ask about the circumstances they met under before; doubtful, but believing in his lie. His story goes on for an extensive amount of time, to ultimately be revealed as a lie to Kaede and proving that he was leading her along as long as he could manage–and I’m almost CONVINCED he would’ve done so longer if he was able.  After she gets upset about being lied to, one of the first thing he says is:

In a singular free time event, he reveals what ultimately is her FATAL FLAW. Her willingness to trust others, no matter the circumstances – even if she has doubts, she still chooses to trust in other people, including those who might as well be STRANGERS. The fact she chooses to believe and lead more with ‘emotion’, with ‘hope’. This ultimately leads to her downfall later in the chapter, whenever she makes up her mind to ‘kill Amami’ for the sake of her classmates, she trusted in them not to kill anyone, and they trusted her to do the same – the likelihood of her committing murder was so low, but when pushed to the very limit she was led by her EMOTIONS to commit the crime. ( In the same situation, she used her friends’ trust against them. Without the motives in place, she likely would have admitted to the murder much earlier – especially if Amami had been the Mastermind after all. )

Notice, she doesn’t DENY the fact he calls her an ‘easy mark’, nor does she deny his claims she’s ‘soft-hearted’ or ‘naive.’ They’re truths, and said for a good reason. He wanted her to realize it. He wanted her to be AWARE of her flaws so they didn’t strike her down in the game, have she not take the steps to improve or change her way of thinking. I’ll get back to how he referred back to this in the aftermath of the trial in a moment, but there’s also another major point in that Ouma KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING WHAT THE END RESULT WOULD BE – or at the very least, HE HAD A GOOD IDEA.

In the trial, while he continues to play up an antagonistic role, often times he FORCES others to look at a certain viewpoint that everyone might be overlooking – be it from ignorance or just trying to turn a blind eye to the obvious – he always tries to get the others to THINK. Shinguuji even comments on this at one point, after Ouma tosses out a theory into the room, forcing everyone to discuss the possibility so they can either disprove or approve it. Shinguuji even admits that he was one of many led around by it, showing how convincing Ouma can be.

A throwback to an earlier free time event, even without that scene – Kaede’s lack of denial when Ouma reveals the ‘cruel truth’  is something that CAN’T go unnoticed. This scene is already after the vote, just mere moments before Kaede is sentenced to death, but even then she’s forced to view the TRUTH of the matter – the truth that no matter how good her intentions might have been, she inevitably did just what Monokuma ( and the Mastermind she wanted to hunt down to begin with ) wanted her to do. Ouma revealing the ‘TRUTHS’ of the game and its motives ( including scenes later on in the game, where he expresses disappointment in how the others just seem to go along without thinking about their situation, or ones where he calls out Monokuma for LYING to them about certain aspects of the game ) is a very common theme. For a liar, he speaks a lot of truth, which…actually fits SURPRISINGLY WELL with the overall theme. ( Even his outfit reflects it–black/white, truth and lie, even if his own way of thinking is inherently grey. )

I was going to discuss Ouma + White Lies in this but asdfghj that’ll be for another meta. Anyway, hopefully all of this makes sense and it didn’t just sound like a lot of babbling with no purpose — I just wanted to shed some more light on Ouma as a character. \(･∀･；)