#Also the shittiest takes known to man about characters

[crime-scene-psychic]

I honestly think that the Nolan Batman trilogy was the best and worst thing to happen to the Batman franchise, because on one hand, it was the first live-action instance of trying to make Batman more gritty and serious (because while the Keaton, Kilmer, Clooney movies took the story much more seriously than the 60s television show, they were still goofy at times, which is why I honestly think they're the best rendition of Batman, because they were able to balance silliness with seriousness, which is what Batman is all about, but that's obviously an entirely different thesis) which then allowed for more people to take comic book movies serious, consequently leading to the rise of the DCEU and, obviously, the MCU (we would not have the MCU today and the actual good movies that came out of it without Nolan's trilogy, there's simply no argument there).

However, the Nolan trilogy also unfortunately made "dark, gritty Batman" the norm, meaning that once anyone tries to actually have some fun with Batman, they immediately get shit on by comic book dude bros. It also created the most annoying characterization of the Joker that everyone has been trying to replicate since and no one will be able to replicate, because they simply do not understand the character (I honest to God think the closest live-action actor who has ever made a Joker character work besider Heath Ledger was Cameron Monaghan in the Gotham television show, and he wasn't even really Joker??? but at least he didn't make it everyone else's problem and was a good mix of goofy and psychotic, not just psychotic) and will never be Heath Ledger (but they don't stop trying much to my forever annoyment).

And while I can recognize the cultural and significant impact on the comic and film community that Nolan's trilogy had, it is still by far my least favorite adaptation because of how serious it takes itself (and of course, the racism. The racism is actually the bigger one for me. Fuck Christopher Nolan for that. Ra's al Ghul is NOT a white man just because you want a plot twist, and you CANNOT just erase Bane being mixed race because you fucking FEEL LIKE IT because him being mixed race is extremely relevant to his origin). Batman has had serious moments in the comics, don't get me wrong, and I know things must evolve and change over time and that I cannot expect an 80 year old character to not be further developed throughout the decades, but it almost feels as if Nolan and Goyer (the writer) read a Sparks Notes version of the history of Batman, cracked their knuckles, and said "yeah, I think I got it."

Spoiler alert: they did not get it.

When I watch the Nolan trilogy (which I haven't in quite some time and I really don't want to, even to prove a point to people on the Internet) I notice how uninspired it feels, story-wise. While the action and cinematography is excellent, the story is lacking for me, and when you're telling a story like Batman, that has decades of content, you cannot just forgo storytelling for cool special effects.

I'd much rather watch a Batman adaptation that has the shittiest effects known to man with a writer who whole-heartily cares for the characters they're writing and has taken time to research. And that's honestly one of the biggest problems the comic book film industry is having now, both DC and Marvel. They're not hiring people who actually care about these characters to write them and they're focusing much more at appealing to everyone they can instead of who the movies should be made for: fans.

You're gonna have such a harder time convincing my mom, a woman who only cares about Wonder Woman, to watch the new Captain America film than you would someone who has read the Sam Wilson Cap comic run. And while this entire issue stems from the fact that the film industry is just that, an industry, and has become less about filmmakers making art and more-so how much money investors and producers can get out of ticket sales, it is still infuriating to see franchises you care deeply about be ruined by guys just there to cash their paychecks and be done with it.

And really, the film industry as we know it needs to be fucking demolished from the inside out, but that will never happen and now we're a bit off-topic. So, back to Batman.

I think another issue I have with newer live-action Batman adaptations is that they choose to forgo a VERY IMPORTANT character when it comes to Batman/Bruce Wayne's evolution as a character and story line.

Robin.

Since whatever the fuck the casting of Chris O'Donnell in 1995 was (why was he, like, a grown man?), people have been afraid to touch a live-action Dick Grayson with a six-foot pole (besides Titans, which I'm gonna get to in a sec). Which is ridiculous, because he is, like I said, an insanely important character when it comes to showing the growth Bruce Wayne goes through.

Bruce Wayne becomes Batman because he is so angry about his parent's deaths and the corruption of Gotham that he doesn't know what else to do. All the money in the world cannot change things for the better, his own father tried and died for his troubles, and he is left with no other option. Bruce Wayne works during the day to fight corruption via charity and his company, Batman works during the night and is able to do what Bruce Wayne can't (beating the shit out of people, mainly). The two are separate sides of the same coin.

And despite this seeming like a good arrangement, it's pretty obvious in most adaptations (at least they get THAT right) that beating the shit out of people in back alleys is not a good replacement for therapy. You're able to see the toll being Batman has on Bruce. He quickly becomes more occupied with being a vigilante than being himself. Bruce needs something to break through this internal struggle and help him balance both lives.

And so a boy named Dick Grayson comes along.

Dick's so important (and so are the other Robins, of course, but Dick being the first means I have to talk about him a bit more) because he forced Bruce to get his shit together. Here's a boy who's about the same age Bruce was when his parents died, who also just saw his parents killed in front of him, and is so full of rage he has no idea what to do. Sounds familiar...

Bruce is able to help himself by helping Dick. He gives him an outlet to vent his anger and frustrations while also looking out for him in the best way he can. While there are many issues with how Robin comes to be in various comic runs (and if this was real life it would be fucking ridiculous) Dick becoming Robin is extremely important. If he hadn't been taken in by Bruce Wayne, if he'd been allowed to let that anger continue to bubble up inside of him, he probably would have killed Tony Zucco and that would have been enough to set Dick down a terrible path he might not recover from.

The same goes for Bruce. If he were to set out and kill the person who shot his parents, he wouldn't be a hero anymore because that single event would shatter the entire point of Batman, which is that he is not meant to decide who lives and dies. If he were, how would he be any different than all the villains in Gotham that he fights as Batman? How would he be better than the corrupt businessman and politicians that he has to battle as Bruce Wayne? He wouldn't.

Batman needs Robin and Robin needs Batman, because they are yin and yang. Light within darkness, darkness within light. You cannot separate these characters and still tell an accurate story, it's impossible. I think that's a huge issue Nolan's movies have, on top of many others. You cannot accurately present to me a Batman story if there is no Robin, just as you couldn't give me a Robin story without Batman.

Every Robin is so important to how Bruce Wayne as a character is developed, and disregarding this as a creator is not only disrespectful to the character, it misses the entire point. I refuse to take your adaptation of Batman seriously if you can't figure out how important Robin is. He isn't just some kid sidekick, he isn't an optional side character, he is what makes Batman human. You cannot have gritty, Neo-noir Batman and forgo Robin just because you see him as the sidekick in tights. When Batman was silly and took itself less seriously, sure, there wasn't a lot to Robin nor Batman's troubling pasts. But now that you want to deep dive into Bruce Wayne's psyche and pick apart what makes him the way he is you wanna throw in the towel and erase the part that humanizes him? Fuck. You.

You can't make a complex Bruce Wayne and take away parts that help audiences understand his complexities, that's fucking STUPID!

Titans, for all its faults and problems, will always have my gratitude as it had the fucking balls to give, without a doubt, the best and most rounded live-action adaptation of Dick Grayson we have ever seen. Titans introduces Dick at a very important and rocky time in his character arch: him leaving Bruce.

If you're not in the know, there's a falling out between Bruce and Dick that's been written a couple different ways over the years, but all comes down to Dick being "fired" from being Robin and leaving Gotham. This is a bit of a newer story line in comparison to how long the character of Dick Grayson has been around, and eventually leads to Dick becoming independent from Bruce, signalling his evolution from "side kick" to his own hero, Nightwing. However, there's issues with Dick having to give up the Robin mantel, because it's something that is whole-heartily Dick Grayson. Robin wasn't something Bruce Wayne came up with, it was the nickname his parents gave to him. Even the colors are his, those were the colors of the Flying Graysons' uniforms. Robin is much more than just a vigilante alter-ego to Dick, it is the last link he has to his past and his parents. So when this is taken away from him and given to another, this causes a huge internal struggle for Dick, as he has to deal with the anger he now has for Bruce, a man he originally looked up to and idolized. This is Dick seeing how wrong it was for Bruce to do some of the things he did to Dick, despite at the time those choices being what both needed.

The way Titans is able to portray this extremely delicate time in Dick's story line in a way that not only makes sense for his character, but also allows for growth is really admirable. Like I said, the show isn't perfect by any means (can I PLEASE get a Romani actor to play Dick PLEASE) but it's the first time I feel that the character is wholeheartedly taken serious in a live-action setting. You can tell the writers have a better idea about how the characters should interact in a live-action setting and while some choices are questionable to me, the heart is there.

Nolan's movies in comparison feel soulless and devoid of all creativity and love. He does not care about these characters, no matter how much he tries to make you think that, and he never will. Christopher Nolan, you will NEVER convince me that you give two shits about Bruce Wayne. And if you, the director, can't bother to care, why should the audience? Why should I care about your adaptation if you can't even be bothered to put an ounce of individuality into it?

With Matt Reeves' Batman films underway, things are getting worse again. For a while, we only had to deal with the shitty Joker adaptations that tried to replicate Ledger's Joker, but with the Reeves Batman movies, the film bros are making themselves known again. I remember when the new design for the Riddler dropped and I said it was shit and people on Twitter and YouTube got SO PISSY at me and told me I just don't understand Batman and that I'm childish for enjoying the designs for Gotham Riddler/ Batman Forever Riddler and whatever and that I'm stupid, which none of those things are true, I hate to be confident in anything, but I think I know more about Batman than you do, Twitter troll.

The suit sucked and the character sucked. They just created a new character but gave him the Riddler's name. That's NOT the Riddler. That's honestly closer to Hush than Riddler, so just... do that? But of course, less people know about Hush than Riddler, and you're not trying to make a film for fans, you're trying to make money, so why would you ever be so silly as to do that! I'm not gonna talk to much about the new Riddler, just because it's super old news and it's not the point I was trying to make here, it's just something that continues to piss me off when it comes to gritty recreations of characters, because Riddler really never was supposed to be some Zodiac Killer wannabe, he's supposed to be a guy who leaves you riddles and makes you solve them and he's supposed to be a little silly about it. And I'm not saying you can't do a more gritty Riddler, because Arkham Knights did it super well imo! Just don't reinvent the wheel! Don't just make a new character and call him by another's name, that's a disservice to the character themselves and their creators.

This is a hard topic, because you have people who get the point of these characters (people who have actually read a comic before and paid attention to the story) but you also have insufferable film/comic bros who worship the ground Nolan and Reeves walks upon and who don't even take time to explore the rest of the Batfamily comics (his gang of vigilante children show up in the stand-alone Batman comics, though, so I don't know how they're missing this, unless they have the reading comprehension of a goldfish, which they probably do tbh). It's why I think a lot of these weirdos don't like Gotham Knights or Wayne Family Adventures, because they hate the thought of there being any semblance of fun in the Batman franchise. Not everything needs to be doom and gloom! Let Dick Grayson be bisexual and let Bruce Wayne have a PTA rival! You can have your cake and eat it too!

I know this seems like a silly sentiment coming from a person who just wrote an entire essay on this, but maybe don't take Batman so seriously? I don't mean, of course, that you can't care about these characters, I'm actually saying the opposite! I care very deeply for these characters, so much that I obviously spat all this out. I just think some people need to fucking chill when it comes to realistically portraying Batman. There's nothing wrong with taking a more serious approach to the characters and I have no problem modernizing them, but you can't just have action hero Batman, you have to have the human behind the mask too. And if you can't balance that, then I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be making Batman adaptations, because you obviously don't understand what the character is about.

I'm nervous to see where Reeves will go with the character, and only time will tell. I've heard rumors he plans to introduce Robin, I've heard rumors he doesn't. Either way, it's obviously out of my hands and I'll have opinions either way, but I really hope he has a better understanding of the history of the franchise than Nolan. While I appreciate, again, what Nolan did for revolutionizing not only the Batman franchise but the comic movie industry as well, I can still find faults in how he went about things. I truly don't believe we can have a worthy adaptation of Batman live action without Robin and without embracing the silliness of Batman's villains and I really hope producers, writers, and directors realize that soon.

Sorry if you read all that...

[sobeksewerrat]

Me, seeing a take about the hellaverse I REALLY FUCKING HATE but is I herently harmless and isn't worth blocking OP for: I must remain calm..I must not let petty disagreements about a shitty show I am interested in turn me into a toxic fan...I must remain completely calm. I am fine. I am okay. I am definitely not about to rip my hair out

[cressidagrey]

You are the best thing that's ever been mine - Part 1

Pairing: Max Verstappen x Ariel Cane (Original Character)

Summary: Sao Paulo 2024. The Dutchman delivered a defining drive…but maybe there is a relationship that could also use some defining. 

Warnings: Jos Verstappen, angst, crying, mention of pregnancy, mention of sex and sexual acts, physical confrontation

Author Notes: Hi, hey, hello! Apparently I write F1 Fanfiction now?! Also this is the first time I am trying a social media au so my Canva Skills were put to the test. (Disclaimer: I kinda put legibility over authencity, so twitter doesn't look like twitter and messages looks like...something) Also huge thanks to @onebigfangirlworld and @leodette for holding my hand with this 😘)

Nothing was more dangerous than Max Verstappen when he had a point to prove.

Ariel Cane was very much aware of that.

That’s what she got for working with the man for 5 years.

Max Verstappen was a force to be reckoned with. He was known for his raw determination and relentless drive to win. And when he had a point to prove, he was practically unstoppable.

Max was a man who was always on top of his game when he had something to prove, and Ariel had firsthand experience of that after working with him for so long. She knew better than anyone what he was capable of when he was determined.

It was as if his already-ferocious drive to win kicked into hyperdrive.

The Brazilian Grand Prix was set to take place at the Autódromo José Carlos Pace…but Sao Paulo greeted the day with grey skies looming. The weather forecast promised a downpour.

For some drivers, rain could be a unwelcome disruption to the norm, but for Max… it seemed to only fuel his competitive fire.

Ariel was dreading it. Her stomach was churning if she only thought about the impending rain. 

She knew all too well how Max thrived in wet conditions. The press had even dubbed him the rainmaster, but for Ariel…it was a nightmare. 

Her brain conjured up one nightmarish scenario after the other. Anything could happen on a wet track, especially when the conditions were unpredictable, even when Max had always managed to shine in the rain. 

Ariel had seen Max race in every condition, and he had always come out on top. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong today.

She could feel it somewhere deep in his bones. 

Ariel kept her mouth shut though. This wasn’t something that she was going to tell Max. He had plenty of other things to worry about without adding her own unfound anxieties to the mix. He didn’t need her to distract him. 

Max was a professional, and he had trained and prepared for this race just like he did for every other one. 

He was capable of handling anything that came his way, even a wet track.

He knew what he was doing.

She repeated the words again and again in her own mind. Max knew what he was doing. Max was going to be just fine. 

He was already in a focused state, trying to get in the zone for the race, pouring over the race data, analyzing every possible scenario. The intensity in his eyes was evident. 

Still… Ariel’s anxiety was through the roof, her stomach churning… not helped by the fact that Jos Verstappen had shown up for race day.

She knew why. It had been Max’s longest non winning streak in years… 

His father always managed to put Ariel on edge.

Mostly because Ariel fucking despised him.

Jos Verstappen had molded his son into the champion he was. But he also had been the shittiest father in existence during Max’s childhood.

Ariel knew too much about the toxic relationship between father and son. 

Jos always seemed to push Max beyond his limits. And then Azriel was left to pick up the pieces afterwards. 

Jos  could be credited with helping to shape his son into the champion he had become, but there  was no denying that he had been a terrible father while doing just that. He had imposed his own ambitions on Max, pushing him relentlessly to achieve success at all costs, and had been emotionally distant and aloof during his childhood.

Max had grown up in a home where perfection was expected and praise was minimal. He had developed a fierce determination and a steely focus that drove him to the top of his sport… but he also carried a deep-seated vulnerability and a constant need to prove himself.

And that vulnerability…that was what Jos knew how to exploit.

 He would use every chance he got to put additional pressure on Max, reminding him of his failures and pushing him to do better, even if it hurt Max. 

Jos Verstappen was a man who cared very deeply about his son's success, but he cared little for his happiness. He saw Max's professional success as a reflection of his own status and reputation, and he had a tendency to prioritize this above all else.

It was a toxic relationship at best, and a traumatic one at worst. 

And Ariel hated him. 

She had never hated a person as much as she hated Max’s father, but she hated him. 

Ariel Cane hated Jos Verstappen. She was pretty sure it was mutual too. 

It was probably because she had been Max’s choice and not his father’s.

Max had been the one she had met during her internship in Red Bulls PR department…and Max was the one who had offered her a job as his Personal Assistant out of the blue.

You are the best and I deserve the best, he had told her flatly. And that had been that. She would have been stupid not to accept the job offer. Especially with the salary it came with. 

That decision had not sat well with his father. And when Max had ignored his wishes and hired her anyway, it had only fueled Jos' animosity toward her.

She was an outsider, an unknown factor, and nothing that Jos could control. He saw his influence slip.

And Ariel knew that she could influence Max in a thousand different ways, simply by telling him her thoughts. He would take them into consideration, they both knew that.  Jos saw her as a threat to his control and influence, and he had tried his best to undermine her since the day they met.

Max had never let him.

Max trusted Ariel’s insights more than anyone else’s, and he had always been vocal about that. This had only fueled Jos’s dislike for her, and he had made no secret out of his disapproval of their friendship.

Ariel never wanted to be the one to come between father and son. 

But she was also never going to agree with Jos Verstappen about a single thing.

Her first priority was always going to be Max’s happiness. Everything else came a distant second to her. 

He had already won 3 world championships. Did he deserve another 10 of them as far as she was concerned? Yes. Would she be happy for him if he decided to give up racing tomorrow and become a full time cat dad to Sassy and Jimmy? Also yes. 

As long as racing made him happy she would always support his strive to success. But she was never going to use his vulnerabilities to push him to the brink and that was seemingly everything his father did. 

Maybe he knew that. Maybe that was why their friendship had grown stronger with time. 

They trusted each other implicitly, and with that came a level of honesty and intimacy that Max’s father could never understand or appreciate. As Max and Ariel's bond grew stronger, it only seemed to enrage Jos even more. He saw his influence over his son slowly slipping away, replaced by trust and loyalty that he could never have anticipated.

“Are you alright? You look pale.”

Max's voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and she blinked, realising she had been lost in her reflections. She turned to look at him, noticing the slight concern in his blue, blue eyes. 

“I am a redhead,” she deadpanned. Her skin was always pale. Pale and freckled. 

But Max knew her so well. Too well sometimes.

She knew that he wasn’t going to go for it. And she was right. 

"That's not what I meant," he said, frowning slightly. "You looked like you were about to throw up or something."

She had been feeling pretty nauseous all morning, but she wasn’t about to tell him that.

Ariel was pretty sure that something had been wrong with her dinner last night to be honest… it was probably a case of light food poisoning or something. 

But quite frankly, as long as she wasn’t keeling over dead, there was no way that she was going to leave Max alone with his father at this race right now. 

"I'm fine," she assured him, forcing a smile. "Just a bit tired, that's all. Good luck,” she told him. “But you won’t need it.”

He snorted. “I am starting from P17. I need all the luck I can get,” Max responded, brushing a hand through his blonde hair. 

"You don't need luck," she said, rolling her eyes at his comment. "You're Max Verstappen. You make your own luck."

Max smirked at her words, a flicker of his usual confidence flashing in his eyes. "Damn right, I do."

She managed a smile for him, watching as last minutes preparation were made, before Max settled into his car for the race. 

Ariel couldn’t help herself as her fingers went to the small lion pendant she always wore around her neck. 

That necklace…It was her lucky charm, a gift from Max himself.

A lion. Because the name Ariel meant lion.

In Ariel’s mind, it had never been for that.  Instead the charm stood for the Dutch Lion himself. For Max. The Dutch Lion, the one who ruled the racing world with his talent and drive.

The race started. 

 It was a chaotic start, with cars moving all over the field. Max had a lot of ground to cover, starting from P17, and she knew it would take a lot of skill and determination to get him up into the top positions.

Despite the chaos of the race, Max always seemed to be in complete control, navigating the field with ease. He was so skilled, and yet the risks he was taking…it was hard to watch without any concern.

In 10 laps he had already moved up 10 places.

And then… the rain started.

Instantly, the racing conditions changed dramatically. The water on the track made it slippery and dangerous, and the visibility dropped significantly. Azriel’s heart was in her throat, and her stomach was roiling with nausea.

Bile was rising in her throat and she went through her bag, searching for the peppermints she kept in there.

“You good?” Connor, one of the engineers asked her. He was watching her with a concerned expression on his face. 

“I’m fine,” Azriel assured him, although her voice was strained. “Just nauseous.”

As the race continued in the pouring rain, Ariel felt her nausea worsen. She was struggling to keep herself together, and every time there was a close call or a risky maneuver, her stomach clenched in anxiety.

Connor noticed the way she was holding her stomach and the pale look on her face, and he leaned in closer to her. “You don’t look fine,” he said, his voice firm. “You should go to the medic. Percy is going to have my head if he finds out otherwise.“

Percy. Her older brother. He was the oldest of the three Cane siblings. Three years older than Ariel. And then there was Emma, the youngest. 5 years younger than Ariel, 8 years younger than Percy. 

When their father had died 10 years ago, Ariel had been 18, Percy had been 21…and Emma had just been 13. It had come just 5 years after they had lost their mother. To this day, Ariel still thought that their father had died from a broken heart. 

Percy had been right at the tail end of his first PhD… he had returned to Milton Keynes and started working for Redbull as an electrical Engineer. Ariel had gone to the University of Bedfordshire so she could stay near home…and somehow together, Percy and Ariel had managed to raise their little sister into a functioning member of society. 

Ariel couldn’t help but quirk up a corner of her lip at Connor’s mention of her brother. “Nah, he’ll forget all about it as soon as he has a new project,” she quipped. 

Percy was the genius of them. And genius and madness were occasionally quite close together.

Connor smirked, used to her sense of humor. “Not a chance.  That man is smart enough to multitask.”

Also smart enough to ruin somebody’s life, and do engineering tasks that absolutely baffled her and most of the world’s population… but also definitely not smart enough to pick up on the fact that Connor had been flirting with him for the better part of three years. 

Ariel was close to get Emma to help her hold their brother down to get him to listen to them. 

 Then Connor’s expression grew more serious. “Seriously, though, you don’t look too good. Go to the medic.”

Ariel rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help but feel touched by his concern. "I am fine," she insisted. "It's just some nausea."

She should have fucking kept her mouth shut. If she had known what kind of drama she would absolutely kick loose with that comment, she would have shut up. 

The next thing Ariel knew, she had a bloody furious Jos Verstappen in front of her, appearing out of nowhere, barging into their conversation with a look of pure disgust on his face.

"Did he knock you up?" Jos demanded.

Ariel could just stare at him, her mouth open. 

What? 

There was a shocked silence as Jos' words rang out in the garage. Everyone in the vicinity froze, staring at the Dutchman with wide eyes. Nobody was expecting that.

Least of all Ariel. 

Of course, there had been plenty of speculation and some people outright asking her or Max if they were a couple over the years, but the answer had always been a resounding no. 

They were working together…they were friends. Neither of them had ever..crossed that particular line. 

She had never even allowed herself to think about it either. 

But nobody had ever accused her off…this. 

Ariel was just… stunned. 

Ariel’s mind raced, trying to comprehend what he had just asked. It sounded so absurd, so out of left field, that she couldn’t help but stare at him in disbelief.

Quite frankly, her job kept her too busy for a relationship and the last time she had had sex had been… what, a year ago? She definitely was not pregnant. 

And she also definitely was not pregnant with Max’s baby. 

Jos Verstappen stood in front of her, his face etched with anger.

“Did he knock you up?” He repeated himself.

Ariel could only gape at him, her mind refusing to process what he was asking.  “Excuse me?” she managed to croak out.

Jos loomed over her, his eyes narrowing. "You heard me," he growled. "Did Max knock you up?"

Jos stepped closer to her, invading her personal space. "You're nauseous," he said, his voice sharp.  "In the morning. I knew that my son is a useless idiot, but this takes the cake," Jos seethed.

Jos' harsh words cut through the air like a knife, each syllable dripping with contempt. The anger in his voice was palpable as he continued his tirade.

"He couldn't just focus on racing and his career," he spat. "No. He had to go and knock up the PA. I shouldn't have expected any different from you either."

He took a step closer, invading her personal space even further.

"You," he sneered. "You're just as much to blame in this mess. You're supposed to be his minder, keep him focused on racing, and what do you do? You go and throw yourself at him. I knew you were a bad influence from the start!"

The words stung like a slap, and she could feel her cheeks burning. 

"Don’t try to deny it," he spat. "I saw the way you two look at each other, I know it’s been going on for a while. You’re nothing but a distraction, a waste of his time and talent. What was it, the glory of throwing yourself at a 3-time world champion? Or was it the money? You are a gold-digging whore!"

It wasn't funny. It really wasn't funny. But it was so utterly ridiculous...that the laugh burst out of her mouth before Ariel could stop it.

He slapped her.

The blow left her reeling, both physically and emotionally. She stumbled back a step, tears blurring her vision as the pain and shock coursed through her.

For a moment everybody was frozen, everybody watching the scene in front of them with a mix of horror and disbelief.

Her cheek throbbed.

The nausea won. She vomited, all over his shoes.

The retching sound echoed through the garage as she doubled over, the contents of her stomach emptying onto the pristine floor.

But somehow that unfroze everybody. Connor grabbed Jos and dragged him away from her harshly.

"What the hell is wrong with you, man?!” Connor snapped. His voice was filled with anger, and he was practically shaking with fury.

Meanwhile, Bennett, one of the mechanics, rushed to her side. He was as white as a sheet, but his voice was steady as he put a protective arm around her shoulders.

“Ariel, are you alright?” he asked her, gently.

"I'm..." she started to say, but another wave of nausea swept through her. She doubled over again, her body heaving in the aftermath.

Meanwhile in the front, absolute chaos had erupted. She could hear Connor facing off against Jos, and then Christian's loud voice and…

"...get out of here, right now. Don’t even fucking look back." Christian finished firmly.

"You're making a mistake," Jos countered, his voice filled with anger. "This girl is a distraction, a waste of Max's time and talent. I saw it from the start-"

But his words were cut off by a sharp gesture from Christian.

"I don't care," he snapped. "You just laid your hands on a staff member. You just laid your hands on Ariel! If Max was here right now, we would probably need to carry you out of here on a fucking stretcher!” Jos glared at Christian, but the team principal wasn't backing down.

"You just fucked up big time. You're out," he continued, his voice cold. "You're no longer welcome here. Get your stuff and get the hell out."

For a moment, it looked like Jos was going to argue, to snap back at Christian and continue the argument. But then he seemed to realize the futility of it all. With a sneer, he turned on his heel and stalked off, leaving the garage in shocked silence.

"Jesus Christ," Connor breathed, as he came back to her side. "Ariel, are you alright? Let’s get you to the medic."

She could only nod weakly, the nausea slowly subsiding but the pain in her cheek throbbing.

"No, no, everything is fine. Something just fell down," she could hear GP's voice through the whole tumult.

Talking to Max. Who was in the middle of a bloody race.

And who must at least have caught some of the screaming going on.

Next Part

[kerubimcrepin]

Episode 30 - Bonta Folie's (part 2)

...Who would have known that not pretending to be a manly man-man, and actually being a friend to your girlfriend would make your relationship better?

But genuinely, it's so cute to see them finally getting along.

Even that is enough for him.

It's very interesting to me, the way this juxtaposes his party.for all of the girls, and this one-on-one dinner proposition.

Yet again, Kerubim isn't just trying to get back together with Lou — he's become a part of the collective.

And he isn't just pretending to be a woman - he's relishing in it.

Which is very normal and not a sign of anything at all about his gender.

...Is this a good time to, yet again, mention that this episode is the first time we see Kerubim wearing green, chronologically speaking? Y'know, his favourite color?

Between trying to isolate Lou, mistreating everyone but her, unlawfully terminating Keke's employment out of jealousy, and, in general, and the power imbalance in trying to seek a relationship with one's own employee... The twitter callout would be wild. World's shittiest employer.

...Also, way to hit the sore spots, considering "you're barely worth the attention she gives you" is pretty much Keke's Nightmare.

Smudged mascara from tears. Cute...

Finally, he gets the courage to do the right thing. Only takes everything being So Over each time. I guess it says a lot about his character. Even as an old man he's not good at telling the truth, if it makes him feel bad.

Past Kerubim would have been probably been begging, tearfully, on his knees, for her to take him back. Or, perhaps, past Kerubim would have been denying he was at fault altogether.

What happened in the last episodes, is that he finally learned to take accountability for his life. He's okay with rejection. It's just that he wants her to know that he's sorry.

(nods sagely) And Pinpin is actually just a woman.

...Oh, god, it is going to be hard not to screenshot every single frame of the next scene.

In the past, perhaps he would have tried to say something in his defence. But it's not about him: it's about her shitty, shitty birthday, about him having lied to her for weeks or months, and him having caused her to forget him.

So, he doesn't say anything.

He lets her do all the talking.

It's only after she says something that isn't sad, and acknowledges that he's still her friend ("it's weird to see you as an Ecaflip" is a far cry from "I lost my best friend") that he begins to talk back, even making a little joke to test the waters.

Even though he fucked up again, and couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth, he has a new chance.

He isn't pushy, — at best, he'd like to share the road with her.

But despite what happened, she still considers him her best friend, female or not.

[hcguesstheauthormessageboard]

[LONG POST AHEAD!!]

ough please let me explain the concept of a zeroes au !!!

alright so zeroes is a book series (by scott westerfeld) that changed my life but i would never recommend to anyone ever. long story short it's about a bunch of 17yo's with the world's shittiest superpowers and they get into a bunch of hijinks like going to jail, running from (superpowered) serial killers, and the crashing weddings. the usual.

that's irrelevant rn though! the way that zeroes works is that there's i think like seven? different powers that someone can have, each with an opposite or an "inside out" version. some of the powers are also. really hard to explain. but i'll try my best. some powers don't have official names, so i put the characters' code-names instead.

POWERS:

-> Bellwether/Anonymous - BELLWETHER is if "leader" was a superpower. BELLWETHER is basically the power to kind of charm-speak people into trusting you. this power relies on The Curve (AKA 6+ people) to work, and makes surrounding people listen to them and pay attention, as well as swaying them to agree with them. ANONYMOUS is the near opposite of that, and instead of making them the most important person in the room, it renders them near invisible. except worse than that. no one can remember them ever and it's as if there's no object permanence when it comes to them.

-> Maker/Crash - a MAKER is a technopath! only instead of it being vaguely "tech stuff" i think it's electrical pulses. which also includes biological electrical pulses. it's like if technopathy and bloodbending combined. a CRASH does exactly what the name implies--crashes things! much much more destructive than a MAKER, a CRASH can take down entire networks and are incentivized to do so because tech feels like the worst headache known to man to them.

-> Beau/Sight-Caster - BEAU is like if "attention whore" was an ability. everyone's eyes are drawn to them and it becomes very very hard to look away. they're just. so beautiful? so gorgeous? whatever it is, you can't seem to look away. a SIGHT-CASTER is most definitely an invasion of privacy. they can see through everyone's eyes--the only exception being ANONYMOUS.

-> Mob/Swarm - a MOB is a crowd power relying on The Curve and works through an emotional connection to crowds. parties are great, but tests not so much. a SWARM is every negative side-effect to that. they take crowds and turn them into murderous stampedes, often losing themselves in bloodlust.

-> Clarity/Glitch - CLARITY makes you see and understand everything you've ever done in your life. kind of like if you peeled back the layers of yourself to see everything ever. kind of overwhelming imo. GLITCH is the opposite, twisting and warping your perception of everything to give you the worst trip of your life. like if your brain was a funhouse mirror.

-> Scam/Verity - a SCAM is a Voice inside someone that speaks through their mouth to say whatever you want to hear. the super-person has no power over what the Voice says and it usually lies. if the super-person needs to get out of a situation, the Voice has got their back! it will probably get them into an even worse situation but that how the power works. VERITY works the opposite, compelling someone to tell the truth and only the truth; basically if "lie-detector" was a superpower.

-> Coin - COIN tricks your brain into thinking things are what they are not. typically usedto make fake money, but theoretically works for anything.

.

[daisy-room]

This house is very much a home <33 very much happy to live in your inbox <333

be honest did you know those were my favs from my server intro or are you psychic

you told me to be honest so I must confess- when i do these I look in the server for everyone just to make sure I'm doing the right characters if it's not someone I've heard them talk about a lot or to get new characters in the mix :3 so I knew Akaashi but I did have to look up the others (*/ω＼*)

get me a lovesick man that won't shut up about me !!

you're in luck! it seems you're subscribed the the "lovesick puppy" tier! otherwise known as "Bro shut up, we know you're in love" tier <3 he knows everything, in his notes app anytime he learns something new he didn't know before he puts it in a locked note that just has a heart as the name of the file.

sunscreened to hell and back

he is helping you put sunscreen on. he pouts if he can't help you with it. He's like "but lena! that's my job :(" because he just has to be touching you at like all times. clingy mf tm

but i look pretty good in blue so just imagining me in a blue swimdress while he's matching me ...this is it.

kjfdhgsb AWWWWW the minute he sees you in the swimdress he's running up to you and kissing all over your face and telling you how pretty you look! I'm just saying <3

i spill flour and look over at her and laugh and she's so sick of it but at the same time can't help smiling back.

there will be food fights, flour will be thrown onto both of you. For Christmas one year she gets you an apron that says "a mess in the kitchen" but it's all given with love and it has little hearts all over it :(

every time we're walking somewhere i slip my hand into hers

OMG LENA THAT'S SO CUTE. FORGET AKAASHI I SHIP KILENA. (kilena? kiyena? leyoko?)

i'm a sucker for anything domestic in the kitchen

she so has a "kiss the chef" apron and asks for a kiss every time she makes dinner for you. She's like "Well, I think I need a reward for my services" and asks for a kiss

i start up a journal

Lena. I'm gonna hold your hand when i say these next few things. He gets you a new journal for your anniversary and it just has written on the cover "for our many more adventures together" and then here's the other thing. Take a deep breath. he has his own secret journal that he keeps in his desk at work where he writes down the places you guys have been and if you liked the place or not, what your favorite dish was, favorite drink, the works. And he does a like "year end review" in the notebook(s) and takes you to your favorite one of the past year at your next anniversary <3

be honest kai. are you trying to kill me? ...i jokingly return the favour one (1) time and it's the shittiest sketch imaginable.

the answer is always yes with inbox infiltration <3 also that one time you make him a drawing? yeah it gets it's own little frame and is on his desk next to the photo of you. In his mind he does a little feet kick and a giggle because "you guys are together in every universe" and he mentions it to his coworkers whenever he has the chance <3

i'm on his doorstep, on one knee while i hold up a small black box to him

omg can I suggest something for Lenakaashi cannon? can I suggest that you two both plan a proposal and end up proposing at the same time? Like you do one of those videos where you like paint for five minutes and switch the canvas with each other and both of you wrote "will you marry me" on it :((( <3333

i'm also someone just weirdly self-conscious about my hands so someone doing that to me ??

the second he finds out you're self conscious about your hands he's kissing them at all times. Like he's holding them and kissing them and smiling as he brings them up to his face. He kisses your hands the first day he finds out how insecure you are about them and goes "I know insecurities aren't always rational...but I think you have lovely hands. They fit perfectly in mine, like we were made for each other. two pieces from the same puzzle." and he like links your hands together. :( <333

kai be honest how do you know these very small very specific things about me that make me the closest human equivalent to a puddle of goo.

because me too <3 and I just love going into detail sometimes, I love like the moments that people can tell others are in love- like idk writing people falling in love is hard to me because by the time I get there in a lot of my stories they've already been in love with each other since forever because of all the little moments you know?

thank you so much kai !! i was jokingly offended, i did not imagine this !! oh my word !! i only hope my response is to your expectations and not too long (yapmaster right here) <3 they are very loved, very adored, very very very much appreciated.

it's okay i'm a yapmaster too <3 we can yap together anytime my dms are always open love <3333 your responses bring me so much life like hold my hand I'm giving you the biggest kiss ever MWAH <333 I'll be back in your inbox tomorrow with more hcs (today but tomorrow bcs it will be after I wake up <3)

care to explain? it's ok to say i'm the favourite x

I have multiple favorites <3 I'm like the parent who says all their kids are the favorite and you guys will never know which one of you it is <3

kai, i will kiss you on the mouth. you could ask me for my entire inheritance and i'd have it delivered by tomorrow. thank you !! so so so much for this <3

alright come here MWAH <3 I love doing these little hc things for my moots, they fill me with sm joy because I know you guys like them :) thank you for your reaction it made me giggle and kick my feet <3

I am eagerly awaiting your next letter (ask) with all of your wonderful ideas (retaliations).

all my love and warmest regards,

kai <3

Hmm, what a lovely inbox!!! I've never made myself a home here but you will need to set aside rom for me. It's very cozy here so I'm staying, you can expect rent today (rent is inbox infiltrations <3)

Let's see who we have on the list today Akaashi (because Lenakaashi), Kiyoko (because WOMEN), and Oikawa because....I love him your honor and he's been neglected

Oikawa

He has a polaroid photo of the two of you in his phone case and he makes sure it's showing in like all interviews

he brings you up any chance he gets it's all "omg guys this is my partner and I'm in love with them." And he just starts rambling about everything until someone tries (keyword: tries) to shut him up

He's so matching everything coded, you wear a sweater? he's wearing an accompanying sweater (like you know if you're wearing red he's wearing pink or sage green kind of thing). You have earrings in? He's wearing matching jewelry-

Pool dates/ beach dates

I said what I said. He likes to try and pick you up and throw you in the ocean/pool. He likes going swimsuit shopping with you and helping you find one that makes you feel comfy and pretty <3

He def spoils you (I mean I think all the boys do lol) but like he sees something in passing? Oh Lena would like this and he smiles as he swipes his card :(

I think he likes to try and write poetry. I don't make the rules guys, you're going to look at me and tell me he doesn't like to try and write love poems about his s/o?

Kiyoko

Bakes with you

Loves making little heart shaped tarts and putting them in your lunch when she has time

She's so has your photo in a locket coded omg. It's a heart shaped locket and she plays with it when she's anxious because your photo is in it and it makes her feel closer to you

Constantly holding your hand, she has cold hands please keep them warm for her

Likes picking flowers and putting them in your hair

Sees those videos of people making flowers out of different things and does the one with the plastic spoons (if you don't know what I'm talking about I'll dm you a video on discord <3)

Randomly will just spin you around in the kitchen and kiss you

Akaashi!!!!

Now, you've said this in the discord before but I feel like you should be reminded.

He has your photo framed on his work desk and when he's missing you he just looks over at it and can't help but smile

So food date coded, idk what it is about him but I just feel it in my soul. You guys go on dates trying all new kinds of food and reviewing them :(

When he needs to test a new medium he always tries to draw you with the medium even if it's only a quick little sketch. he just thinks you're easy to draw because he has your features memorized

your smile makes him smile. like when he sees you starting to smile he can't stop himself from smiling too

brings lactose medicine with him so you can enjoy dairy without the added stomach ache that usually accompanies them

journals

It's full of just things you two do because he loves spending time with you

Matching rings, like the fidgety ones

Omg he kisses your hand when you guys are just getting up. Come with me for a moment down the rabbit hole!

You two are just waking up and he pulls you closer and tries to get you to stay in bed for a little longer. It doesn't work so you two sit up. You two don't want to kiss kiss yet because morning breath and all that so he kisses from your shoulders down to your hands (both sides guys) and then rests his forehead on your shoulder.

Calls you his sunlight because he likes how you look when the sun hits you in the morning through the blinds (he likes the image of waking up next to you)

Okay!! Hi Lena darling!!!! I'll be back here very soon dw <33 but have these in the mean time <333 MWAH <3 you're on my list 5 times to make up for the unfortunate mishap on my end of not including you last time. <3333

-love your favorite ever and with lots of love,

Kai <3

Hmm, what a lovely inbox! I've never made myself a home here, but you will need to set aside room for me.

it is, isn't it? i've worked hard to make this house a home x

Let's see who we have on the list today: Akaashi (because Lenakaashi), Kiyoko (because WOMEN), and Oikawa because I love him, your honor, and he's been neglected.

be honest did you know those were my favs from my server intro or are you psychic

OIKAWA ──

He has a polaroid photo of the two of you in his phone case and he makes sure it's showing in like all interviews.

this is crazy work bc i'm the most photo-repellant person you've ever met. i have had about 3 photos taken of me in the last four years. he would have had to wrestle me for the phone, take like 1000 photos, and sat there patiently as i scrolled through each one until i found one satisfactory. after all that work he deserves to display it.

He brings you up any chance it gets. He's all "omg guys, this is my partner and I'm in love with them." He'll just start rambling until someone tries (keyword: tries) to shut him up.

get me a lovesick man that won't shut up about me !! i need to meet his friends and have them all go "oh, you're lena", i need to hear that he never shuts up about me because i am just as bad with talking too much about the people i love. my friends meet him and already know every little detail there is to know about him, down to the exact details of our first date; his friends meet me and they can all rattle off my coffee order by heart (triple shot regular mocha with almond milk when i'm tired, large hot chocolate with almond milk when i'm not).

He's so match everything coded. You wear a sweater? He's wearing an accompanying sweater (like you know if you're wearing red he's wearing pink or sage green kind of thing). You have earrings in? He's wearing matching jewelry.

i'm being so fr this is my dream in a man. i am the worst with outfits──i plan my outfits days in advance, adhere to a strict colour palette (white, beige, and pastels; alternatively, black and red when i'm in the mood for something different), know exactly what jewelry of mine goes with which outfit. matching outfits? even just complimentary colour palettes? i fear i would combust. i would burst into flames. if he wants to wear matching jewelry, he is done for. i wear mostly pearls, and oikawa tooru with a little pearl bracelet on his wrist? its over for me. i'd buy a duplicate every time i bought jewelry from the farmers market and he dutifully wears it and loves it the entire time. you're kidding me. this? this is heaven.

Pool/beach dates.

i fear i would be the worst with these !! if its a pool, he has to coax me into the water, but once i'm in we have a blast. if we're at the beach, i perch under an umbrella sunscreened to hell and back and read through a book. maybe i admire him as he does something else. we share an ice cream. maybe i read my chapter aloud to him, maybe i sit there and admire him from afar. he finally drags me into the water and he literally has to hold me because i'm kicking and laughing the entire time, complaining about how i can't swim because i need my glasses to see. wow.

I said what I said. He likes to try and pick you up and throw you in the ocean/pool. He likes going swimsuit shopping with you and helping you find one that makes you feel comfy and pretty <3

kai ,,, i didn't even see this. i lied i take it back !! he throws me in and i pretend to be mad but i'm giddy like a kid on christmas. swimsuit shopping? oh my word. shopping with him in general would be a treat. especially if we're matching outfits !! not to brag (bragging) but i look pretty good in blue so just imagining me in a blue swimdress while he's matching me ... this is it.

He def spoils you, but like he sees something in passing? Oh, Lena would lie this, and he smiles as he swipes his card :(

kai be so fr right now. be so fr. be so fr. be so fr... i am so so horrible with gifts too, i struggle so much with giving them and i always get flustered and have trouble receiving them. i wouldn't know how to handle this but just thinking about it !! he gets me a book or some jewelry or a little trinket or a matching key chain and its over for me. from that second onwards, i know i've met my soulmate.

I think he likes to try and write poetry. I don't make the rules guys, you're going to look at me and tell me he doesn't like to try and write love poems about his s/o?

i'm gonna throw up <3 and you know i'd be right there with him !! i'd buy his poetry books. i'd start reading up on iambic pentameter and waxing poetry on emily dickinson's work (the only poet i know anything about - i have a copy of her & sylvia plath's complete works) and writing response poems, even though i'd probably be terrible at them. it might be cringe, but oh my gosh !! i would pin them to my pinboard (which my friends genuinely colloquially call my 'wall of love') next to pictures of him and red hearts i printed out and stuck around them. i would never be normal again.

KIYOKO ──

bakes with you

genuinely an amazing start. i know she hates it bc i am such a messy baker !! i spill flour and look over at her and laugh and she's so sick of it but at the same time can't help smiling back. ohhh i'm gonna be sick ,,, she finally helps me master the pain that is lemon desserts (they hate me. for some reason, they're the one thing i can never get right). we make cookies and before we taste test them we tap them together like we're making a toast. imagining messaging her recipes ... she sends me one and asks to come over that weekend and try making it together ... i'm weak in the knees.

She loves making little heart-shaped tarts and putting them in your lunch when she has time.

and my coworkers hate her for this because you know i see it and i do not shut up about it !! i immediately pull it out and go 'look at what my girlfriend made me! isn't it cute? isn't she so talented? oh my gosh it's so delicious, i bet you're jealous you don't have one. sharing? with you? no way. my girlfriend made me this!'

She's so has a photo in your locket coded omg. It's a heart shaped locket and she plays with it when she's anxious because your photo is in it and it makes her feel closer to you.

!!!!!!!!!! kai ,,, kai ,,, KAI ,,, this is too much for me. the second i noticed i'd be so giddy !! i immediately look online to get a similar one and then we're two idiots with heart-shaped lockets with each other's face in them and every time i see hers i smile like an idiot and she's so happy with herself each time. and vice versa !! she plays with my locket sometimes when we're close and it turns me into a puddle and makes me sick to my stomach and. oh my word.

Constantly holding your hand, she has cold hands please keep them warm for her.

she'd have to peel me away from her hand i'm so serious. big physical touch person right here !! every time we're walking somewhere i slip my hand into hers. we're sitting next to each other in silence and i reach over. i'm feeling a little nervous and immediately grab her hand. she's going to have difficulty taking her hand back from me once i have free reign.

Likes picking flowers and putting them in your hair.

imagining a rapunzel braid right now and ,,, yes. just yes. we take turns because i immediately insist i can't be the only one. i take like 100 photos of her and when the day is over i press them all so i can preserve them in my weekly journal. this is the best thing you've ever said to me.

Sees those videos of people making flowers out of different things and does the one with the plastic spoons (if you don't know what I'm talking about I'll dm you a video on discord <3)

thank you for sending me a video <3 i'm awfully chronically offline so i struggle to follow trends lmao.

my genuine reaction and i'm being so serious. this !! oh my goodness. you know i immediately put anything she makes me everywhere. plastic spoon flowers? coffee table centerpiece. in the kitchen. in the lounge. in my bedroom. i put them everywhere i conceivably can.

Randomly will just spin you around in the kitchen and kiss you

i think this is my soulmate btw. spinning me around in the kitchen to kiss me??? my heart would give out seconds later. i'd be but a flame, burning so quickly with such passion that my wick sputters and dies under the wind of her love. i'd be gone. god forbid we danced in there !! i'm a sucker for anything domestic in the kitchen (could you tell?) but this? a dream come true.

AKAASHI ──

You've said this in the discord but you should be reminded: he has your photo framed on his work desk, and when he's missing you he just looks over at it and can't help but smile.

haha i'm so normal about this haha ,,, wdym he has a framed photo of me at work? i'm literally the person that came up with this. what do you mean? what do you mean? he looks over at it and smiles??? ok. ok ok alright. that's fine. that's cool. that's

So food date coded, idk what it is about him but I just feel it in my soul. You guys go on dates trying all new kinds of food and reviewing them :(

oh my gosh !! i can see it. i can see it so well. we do it often enough that i start up a journal (journal fiend right here) dedicated to the places we go and our meal reviews. i make a junk journal spread each time. i make him write out his own review next to mine. we're the worst because we sit there for hours chatting with half-filled drinks. his is half-full, mine has ice melted at the bottom. i've stolen three napkins, two treats, and any other ephemera. we have a pack of cards in front of us or a notebook or just anything while we chat. we have a dessert we bought to share because even though neither of us are hungry we don't want to leave just yet either. akaashi overtips to make up for holding up a table for so long.

When he needs to test a new medium he always tries to draw you with the medium, even if it's only a quick little sketch. He just thinks you're easy to draw because he has your features memorized.

be honest kai. are you trying to kill me? because if so, it's working. it's working so well. it's working too well. what do you mean i'm easy to draw? if he ever shares any of them they are immediately taking permanent residence on the pinboard. i jokingly return the favour one (1) time and it's the shittiest sketch imaginable. if he ever called me easy to draw i genuinely believe i would combust on the spot. my heart would just explode out of my chest. what do you mean he has my features memorised !! what do you mean ,,,

Your smile makes him smile. Like when he sees you starting to smile, he can't stop himself from smiling too.

we'd just be two idiots grinning like idiots because the second i see him smiling, i'd start smiling even wider <3 smiling is so contagious and i'm so guilty of always letting them get to me. and the second i notice he smiles every time i do ?? ohh it is over for me. i will not make it past the next 24 hours.

Brings lactose medicine with him so you can enjoy dairy without the added stomachache that usually accompanies them

the first time he does this i cry. i'm so serious. omg and with the food dates too ?? your mind kai ,,, the second i realise he did that for me, carried them around just for me ?? i start ring shopping. the next week i'm on his doorstep, on one knee while i hold up a small black box to him.

Journals. It's full of just things you two do because he loves spending time with you.

kai ,,, as i said earlier. as a journal fiend myself. this is my DREAM. i find out he's journaling about me? i'm journaling about him. we share supplies. he shows me his pages. i show him the way i scrapbook-journal hybrid and it practically becomes a date activity while we quietly journal next to each other. once again: my soulmate.

Matching rings, like the fidgety ones.

once again !! like earlier !! if we match anything, i'm done for. and rings?? especially if he bought them for me unprompted?? i'd cry. i would never take that off. if he bought me silver, i'm suddenly a silver-only kind of person! and a ring too... every time i look down at my hands seeing a physical reminder of the fact he cares for me... oh my.

Omg he kisses your hand when you guys are just getting up. Come with me for a moment down the rabbit hole! You two are just waking up and he pulls you closer and tries to get you to stay in bed for a little longer. It doesn't work, so you two sit up. You don't want to kiss yet because of morning breath and all that so he kisses from your shoulders down to your hands (both sides guys) and then rests his forehead on your shoulder.

wow do you see that? it's me. dead in the ground. six feet below the surface. OH MY GOSH. kai you genius you absolute dear you ,,, i genuinely have no response. there's nothing i can say to this. you've left me speechless. i'm also someone just weirdly self-conscious about my hands so someone doing that to me ?? first thing in the morning, no less? i wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Calls you his sunlight because he likes how you look when the sun hits you in the morning through the blinds (he likes the image of waking up next to you).

kai be honest how do you know these very small very specific things about me that make me the closest human equivalent to a puddle of goo. he? likes the image of waking up next to me? me? clingy sleeper supreme? the ugliest sleeper on this side of the earth? i'm amazed. and waking up next to him !! what a treat. imagining the sun against his face as his eyes flicker open, glancing off his lashes; his short hair messy and skew, eyes slightly squinted against the light. ohmygosh

Okay!! Hi Lena darling!!!! I'll be back here very soon dw <33 but have these in the mean time <333 MWAH <3

thank you so much kai !! i was jokingly offended, i did not imagine this !! oh my word !! i only hope my response is to your expectations and not too long (yapmaster right here) <3 they are very loved, very adored, very very very much appreciated.

you're on my list 5 times to make up for the unfortunate mishap on my end of not including you last time. <3333

and i did notice a disparity there...

care to explain? it's ok to say i'm the favourite x

-love your favorite ever and with lots of love, Kai <3

kai, i will kiss you on the mouth. you could ask me for my entire inheritance and i'd have it delivered by tomorrow. thank you !! so so so much for this <3

expect retaliation within a week.

love you the most, lena <3

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 311: Hand Gun

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “thinkin’ about dropping in some woke analogies of the very real and very presently relevant issue of racial profiling idk what do you guys think” and then shrugged and did it without waiting for an answer, and ngl it was a bit sudden, but I’m here for it. All Might was all “DEKU YOU NEED TO EAT” and Deku was all “OKAY” and took his hero bento and went to go stand dramatically on a tower in the rain whilst having some highly anticipated Vestige flashbacks. OFA II was all, “sup, I guess I’m not Kacchan... OR AM I,” and ngl I think he is?? Alternate universes anybody?? Hello??? But anyway, so OFA the First a.k.a. Yoichi was all “remember that time you guys rescued me from my evil brother and Two took my hand and we Had A Moment?”, and Two and Three were all “ahh yeah good times”, and it was very nice and very, very gay. The chapter ended with it being very unclear if Two and Three have actually lent their power to Deku yet or not lmao. Y’all need to get your shit together dudes.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “what if I gave a random bad guy a fucking tommy gun that shoots nails” and jesus christ calm down son. The Hawksquad, a.k.a. SQUAWK as per @hotchocolatier​, are all “time to drive aimlessly around town acting like Deku has a restraining order on us because that’s literally the best plan to combat the League we could come up with,” and I have no further comment. Hawks is all “idk about you guys but I want to know more about AFO and Tomura’s whole deal” and I can’t remember the last time I identified so strongly with one of these characters. All Might is all, “[EXPLODES???]”, and the chapter ends with that mysterious hot girl from the Tartarus breakout being all “HELLO I CAN TURN INTO A GUN AND I LITERALLY DON’T GIVE A FUCK” and (1) WOW, and (2) IT’S TRUE, SHE CAN, AND SHE REALLY DOESN’T. GODDAMN.

(ETA: so this wholly escaped my notice on the first go, and also has nothing to do with the chapter itself, but I only just realized that this chapter was scanlated by a new group, TCB Scans. they actually did a very good job, and I’m curious if they’ve found a new RAW provider, because the quality this week is actually crazy good in comparison to what we’ve been dealing with for the past few months. I’m gonna have to get caught up on what exactly happened here lol.)

so what will it be this week? more Vestige antics? more of Sad Nomad Deku standing on buildings and pretending like he’s some cool aloof antihero, as if he could fool us when we all know his hero backpack is secretly stuffed full with his nerd diaries and the remnants of all the hero bentos that All Might keeps giving him?? or, just putting it out there, just a crazy thought, but you don’t suppose we might actually cut back to U.A.? mmm. side-eyes emoji

maaaaaan I’m starting to get tired of this trend of beginning chapters by dropping in on random power-tripping civilians and/or Shindou lol. just once can we get a chapter that opens with someone I actually give a fuck about

oh at least Endeavor is here

A WHAT SUPPORT ITEM!??! HOLY SHIT DDLKJSLFKJL

lol somehow that’s more terrifying than bullets for me?? like I’m fully aware that bullets will fuck you up way worse and that in real life nail guns probably don’t work like this AT ALL and only have a range of like... hold up let me just google... up to 100 to 150 m/s and distances of up to 500m wait WHAT

okay wait. hold up. like I was expecting google to tell me nail guns only shoot a few feet at most, and instead the first search result is some CDC blog article that’s “dispelling” the “””myth””” -- please note my repeated sarcastic quotation marks -- that nail guns can fire 1400 feet per second, by explaining that actually they can fire anywhere from 315 ft/sec to 1,295 ft/sec, and that “it is in the pneumatic nail gun user’s best interest to handle these tools as if they were a firearm despite having a lower velocity” dlkjdslkjflkl

SO THAT SCENE IN IRON MAN 3 WHERE TONY RAIDS A HOME DEPOT AND BUYS A BUNCH OF RANDOM TOOLS AND SHIT AND GOES ON TO STAGE A ONE-MAN INVASION OF AN INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST’S FLORIDA MANSION HQ IS ACTUALLY TRUE. YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT THE FILM “HOME ALONE” IS ACTUALLY A DOCUMENTARY. “the Discovery Channel television program “Mythbusters” compared the penetration capacity of an airborne projectile shot from a pneumatic framing nail gun to that of a 9mm hand gun” HELLO YES AND A MERRY “WHAT THE FUCK” TO YOU AS WELL

anyway, so. there’s apparently a reason why the Number One hero, who can burn people with the intensity of a sun going supernova, is hiding here behind this concrete support column making frowny faces. nope. nuh uh. he ain’t about that. I don’t blame you buddy

so now he’s barrel rolling out of his hiding place and setting this dude THE FUCK ON FIRE because HELL NO. BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO WATCH THAT FUCKING MUSHROOM EPISODE LAST WEEK! YOU TAKE THAT SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE

LOL look at his face

I know the context is actually him being all “I know I’m responsible for basically everything that happened and so that’s why I’m so grim and serious about this mission to set things right piece by piece,” but in my mind this pissed-off face is 100% all because this dude tried to shoot his eye out with a nail gun. look at that. you made him go full flame face again. beard and all. protecting his face so that it can hopefully melt any stray nails that get too close. nope nope nope

good lord. so what’s up next. let me guess the guy fighting Best Jeanist has like an atomic chainsaw or some shit

lol nope we’re just cutting back to Hawks and Jeanist chilling in the Jesla after they’ve wrapped things up

Jeanist has got some serious Groot energy you guys jesus christ he’s like 12 feet tall

oh snap someone threw a pipe at him now

today is just the chapter of Endeavor being assaulted by random DIY tools I guess

I mean, I get why they’re pissed at him obviously; I would be too lol. but tbh I also don’t really understand the “get out of here we don’t want your help” attitude that all of these people suddenly seem to have?? like it if were me, I would be fucking DEMANDING for him and the other heroes to be working round the clock to fix their stupid mess. I mean who else is gonna do it?? it’s their mess, I sure don’t want to be the one to clean it up instead. anyways but whatever lol

oh shit?

so they haven’t dropped the whole “OFA secret potentially gets revealed to the world” thing yet after all. that makes sense I suppose, it did seem like that whole thing wound up playing out a bit too easily

anyway so yeah

the locals are definitely none too happy. well at least Dabi’s got something to be cheerful about I guess

so now we’re cutting to the interior of the Jesla and they’re chitchatting about the current investigation

oh wow this actually makes a bit of sense now. so there was a reason they were keeping their distance from Deku

please note that even in this abstract Endeavor’s-Mental-Image-Of-Him panel, Deku’s eyes still don’t have the light in them anymore :( my poor son

also ftr I still think using Deku as bait in this particular sense is the shittiest idea ever ngl. like sure, let’s let the sixteen-year-old run around battling miscellaneous escaped prison convicts while we stay several kilometers away ON PURPOSE despite the fact that you’re using him as bait to draw out the Big Bad, who just a reminder can destroy anything with a mere touch and who you were all basically helpless against. what exactly are you all planning to do if Tomura or one of the other League VIPs actually shows up to retrieve him?? are you even keeping tabs on him at all in real time?? jesus

(ETA: well that escalated quickly lol.)

Horikoshi is all of a sudden dropping whole pages of exposition here and I can’t be bothered to summarize this lol so just,

a big fat YES to what Jeanist said, though. that’s why imo they would have been better off laying a trap at U.A. rather than just wandering around out in the open. I assume they’re trying to cut their potential losses because U.A. is full of students (and civilians), but those students also happen to be more capable than pretty much anyone else in the manga at this point. and tbh they’re already in life-threatening danger regardless of how things play out from here on, so they might as well at least try to use the few advantages they have right now. U.A. is almost certainly going to come under siege at some point anyway, so they might as well prepare for it

lol I don’t think I’m explaining this very well because I don’t have the patience right now to break it down point by point like it really ought to be, so for now I’ll just say that imo “U.A. siege” stands a good chance of being the eventual endgame even now, and so this whole “Deku runs around being bait” arc is really just killing time until then lol. like and subscribe for more rambling nonsensical takes such as this. maybe next time I’ll even put it all into one single sentence for maximum meandering senior citizen rant value

well it’s nice that they’re finally talking about all of this I guess

we readers have known all of this for months now but this confirms the heroes are finally caught up. ALSO, Hawks is so fucking smart, as always. kinda wonder if things would have played out differently if All Might had let him in on the secret a bit earlier. probably that’s why Horikoshi made damn sure they didn’t find out until after the War arc lol

OH MY GOD YOOOOOO HAWKS OUT HERE ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS

“anyone else wondering why AFO bothered to raise Tomura as his fake heir for fifteen years when he was secretly planning on taking over his body the whole time” YES, [raises hand] lmao Hawks where the hell were you when I was debating this “AFO is the final villain and Tomura is just his pawn” thing on multiple occasions over the past several years lol

lmao seeing them debate the metaphysics of OFA and all of its mystical bullshit is seriously surreal you guys

JEANIST HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT MY META TAG I HAVE WRITTEN SO MANY ESSAYS. I ACTUALLY WAS PLANNING ON WRITING ANOTHER ESSAY ABOUT THE THING THAT I’M PRETTY SURE HAWKS IS ABOUT TO BRING UP, BUT I NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT WHOOPS, BUT MAYBE I WILL NOW LOL LET’S SEE HOW IT GOES

yes!!

WHICH AFO FUCKING ENSURED HE WOULD BE BY LITERALLY PLANNING OUT EVERY LAST DETAIL OF HIS FAMILY TRAGEDY, FROM SECRETLY GIVING TENKO THE QUIRK TO MAKING SURE NO CIVILIANS OR HEROES WOULD HELP HIM UNTIL AFO FINALLY STEPPED IN. I’M 1000% CONVINCED THIS IS THE CASE YOU GUYS. NOT JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAN OF “THE WORLD IS A FUNDAMENTALLY SHITTY PLACE, ACTUALLY” TAKES BECAUSE MISTER ROGERS TOLD ME TO ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE HELPERS, BUT ALSO BECAUSE IT LITERALLY JUST DOESN’T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE OTHERWISE. THEIR ENTIRE HOUSE CAVED IN FFS, YOU’RE TELLING ME NONE OF THE NEIGHBORS FUCKING OVERHEARD THAT SHIT AND WENT “UMMMMMMMMM” AND WENT TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON?? “DIDN’T THERE USED TO BE A HOUSE HERE, AND LIKE A WHOLE FAMILY, AND SHIT?”

LIKE I’M SORRY, BUT IT’S ONE THING TO SAY IT’S REALISTIC THAT NOT A SINGLE PERSON WOULD ATTEMPT TO HELP THE WANDERING TRAUMATIZED CHILD AFTERWARDS (WHICH I DISAGREE WITH AS WELL BUT AT LEAST THAT’S MORE SUBJECTIVE), AND IT’S A WHOLE OTHER THING TO ARGUE THAT IT’S REALISTIC THAT NO ONE WOULD BE FUCKING NOSY. LIKE THAT’S A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL OF “THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS” ENTIRELY LOL. anyway tl;dr AFO is a piece of shit and Tomura’s entire worldview is based on a magnificently intricate and savagely cruel lie more at 11

anyway so after all that ranting it looks like that wasn’t even what Hawks was talking about after all lol. I just went off for absolutely no reason lol oh well. instead it seems that Hawks is suggesting that Tomura’s carefully cultivated hatred might not yet have actually reached “can defeat OFA” levels even after all of that trauma. interesting!

don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here while my brain furiously scrambles to put together all the parallels between Hawks and Tomura that it never noticed before until exactly this second. like I’m not even sure that was the intent here at all (I need to check out another translation or two lol), but regardless my mind decided that now would be the perfect time to make the connection between these two twenty-somethings who both had horrific childhoods and spent years being molded by their respective manipulative guardians, and developed eerily similar “laugh at everything because what else can you do” coping mechanisms to deal with it all hmmmmm

anyway so they were talking more about their strategy, but now all of a sudden Jeanist’s phone is beeping??

AND NOW WE’RE CUTTING AWAY TO ALL MIGHT AND HIS MIGHTMOBILE DAMMIT so that means the call to Jeanist was actually something important then!! WAS IT BAKUGOU OMG. DOES YOUR INTERN WANT A WORD FFFKLFSJK please it’s been so long I just need a little crumb or two to tide me over lmao have mercy

anyway so All Might’s following the GPS tracking device he’s apparently got planted on Deku (which in my conspiracy headcanons he’s actually had for a long time now, like since before DvK2 lol because HOW ELSE WOULD HAVE HAVE KNOWN THAT THEY WERE FIGHTING EACH OTHER IN GROUND BETA, PEOPLE) and thinking angsty thoughts about Deku’s sucky life

AND NOW ALL MIGHT’S PHONE IS RINGING TOO?? BAKUGOU HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE YOU CALLING. “WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE NERD GODDAMMIT”

OMG

lol is he under attack or is he just finally giving All Might the slip like we all know he SECRETLY PLANNED TO ALL ALONG oh my poor dumb angstmuffin

OMG AHHHHHHH WHAT

DID ALL MIGHT JUST FUCKING DIE LMAO NO OF COURSE NOT, BUT WHAT

WHAT IS HAPPENING OMG

THE FUCK IS THAT. AT LEAST IT’S NOT A NAIL

OH IT’S A SPEAKER!! OMG DID THEY TAKE ALL MIGHT HOSTAGE

“THEY’RE HERE” WELP, TIME TO SEE JUST HOW SHITTY THIS SHITTY PLAN REALLY IS LOL

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHE!!!!

omg. AND OVERHAUL JUST CHILLING THERE IN THE BACKGROUND ALL “WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT ME TO DO I’VE GOT NO FUCKING ARMS” YEAH GOOD RIDDANCE LOL

DOES THIS GIRL HAVE ONE GIANT LEG OR WHAT, LIKE WHAT’S THE DEAL HERE

-- HOLD UP WAIT, THE GUN IS HER ARM, HOLY SHIT SHE CAN TURN INTO A GUN -- OKAY HOLD UP BECAUSE I NEED TO SAY THAT IN BIGGER TEXT BECAUSE !!!!

YOU GUYS, THE COOL TARTARUS GIRL IS BACK AND HER QUIRK IS “CAN TURN INTO A FUCKING GUN.” THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! MY BEST GIRL MT. GUN IS FINALLY BACK ON THE SCENE WITH HER QUIRK “CAN DO ANYTHING A GUN CAN DO.” “I HEARD Y’ALL WENT AND NAMED ONE OF YOUR HEROES ‘GUNHEAD’ EVEN THOUGH HIS HEAD ISN’T EVEN A GUN, LIKE WTF IS UP WITH THAT LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT’S DONE” DANG OKAY

lmao only fifteen pages this week, and STILL NO KACCHAN (THEN WHO WAS PHONE!!!), but man I don’t even care because finally we’ve got a cliffhanger that’s actually deserving of being a cliffhanger! hot dog. okay then

[avengersassemble-fics]

Stark Legacy

part 01/?? "the only person"

master list

word count 4.3k

an: :3 welcome to a new fic bc idk how to control myself

WARNING: this part does depict alcohol usage, and mentions of other substances a character uses to cope (though nothing is explicitly mentioned).

“An unemployment and housing crisis skyrockets to higher levels as people still struggle to adjust and accommodate the population we had years ago. Streets are littered with people seeking hope-”

“According to world economists, the surge in loan denials is leading to an unprecedented end, leaving the experts scrambling for a way to get the economy back on track, also claiming that the Global Repatriation Council may be asking for too much-”

“Protests break out across Switzerland as support for the group known as the Flag Smashers rises, with the Global Repatriation Council denying any comment on the matter, as well as refusing to comment on the rumours that the newly titled Captain America is investigating the matter-”

“What can we expect from Stark Industries now that Tony Stark is no longer with us? Pepper Potts, while having led the company in a positive direction prior to the Blip, has had no new developments over the last six months. With these newfound challenges the world is facing we’re left to wonder.. Who is going to step up as the ingenious mind behind new innovation? Will the youngest Stark continue on in the steps of father and brother, or are we seeing the end of the Stark Legacy?”

Click.

Silence filled the blue colored cottage that was tucked away at the end of the street in Ransdorp. Though dim and lifeless inside the cottage, outside the sun shined while birds chirped away happily and the sound of children playing echoed through the air. But inside the cottage, all alone, someone stood and tossed a television remote back onto the couch that was once occupied. They shed the blanket that had been wrapped around their shoulders all night while listening to all the different news reports, and entering a small bedroom and dressed in the dark. It was a Wednesday afternoon, and after shuffling through the cottage to grab a few things, the back doors were pushed and locked open, and a breeze blew through the house.

You squinted as you put a sun hat on and oversized sunglasses, overlooking the green oasis you had worked on every day for the last six months. Pushing away the thoughts of what the news had been saying, you stepped down onto the wooden patio that lined the back door and carried a hefty packed bag with you to the garden you had planted. You set the bag down and kneeled into the soft grass, and got to work on picking on fresh vegetables to use for your dinner later. Lucky for you, the soil was perfect here.

So… How have the last six months been for you?

Well the garden was a distraction your neighbor had suggested after finally catching you one day while throwing out a bag full of alcohol bottles you had consumed. You could see her take a second glance over your disheveled appearance, but she ignored it for the most part (which thankfully she did, you were a little sick of people telling you how to feel at the time). Naturally, instead of working through your problems, you distracted yourself from them.

But in all honesty… It’s been hard. Maybe it was selfish of you to think so, but you felt like you had been dealt one of the shittiest hands from the universe. The pressure from the world after… After Tony’s death was suffocating. As more paparazzi followed you around, the worse that anxiety had gotten. With that newfound attention, you had also been summoned by the United States government to attest for your time as a HYDRA agent. Lucky for you, in some way, they dropped any serious charges due to your restraint under the program, but sentenced you to weekly therapy sessions (since SHIELD had denied to disclose your mental capabilities). To your knowledge, Bucky Barnes had been offered a similar deal. The therapy lasted all of a month before you… Negotiated your way out of it, and returned to this safe place.

You drowned yourself in drinks and other activities after leaving New York, which in turn made your black-out episodes reappear, which had become evident as the photographed wall in your second bedroom started to be crossed out fast. You couldn’t help but twitch at the thought, and steered clear of that subject. But as of five months ago, you were all but cut off from all things Avengers.

Everyone had gone their own separate ways for the most part. Wanda was off the radar, Sam had gone and gotten a contract with the Air Force, Clint got his family back, Rhodey was some top notch Air Force guy (you didn’t really know what he was up to nowadays), Thor was gone offworld, Scott was making up for lost time with his family, and Bucky… Well, you didn’t know much about that situation either. Sam had tried to reach out after everything, but in one of your drunken states you threw your phone in the Weersloot river. You didn’t need a reminder of that day, or those few weeks even.

You never played the message Happy had given you from Tony. You never had the courage to do so, and you had it tucked away in your room safe and sound. Honestly? You were starting to think you never would be ready to hear what Tony had to say to you before he died. You just couldn’t bear to hear it, never would… Because if he even mentioned someone’s name you didn’t know how you would react.

When you started to think about Steve, you picked up a drink to take your mind off it. You had yet to come to terms with him leaving, because it still hurt like the day it happened.

Losing Tony was the worst thing that could’ve happened in your eyes. He was your family, though Pepper and Morgan had become your family too, Tony was the last piece of your family you could hold onto. The last shred to the past you fought so hard to remember and cherish, and now him and that part of you was gone. He was your everything. He always would be.

But Steve? Losing Steve wasn’t something you had ever even considered. While Tony was your soul, Steve was your heart. Despite everything you two had been through, the feelings hurt and the years it took to make it back together, Steve always had your heart. He was the man you wanted to fall asleep with and wake up to. He was the man you talked about growing old with, what life would be like if he gave up the Captain America mantle, he was supposed to be your future...

And then he stayed in the past, and left you here confused. Hurt. Alone.

You lost the two people you had left in the world. Your heart and your soul. And it was the most devastating blow you had ever felt… Everyday you wondered how someone comes back from something like that, if it was even possible.

Your thoughts were interrupted when a hefty softball landed in a thud in your garden and smushed one of your little tomatoes. You blinked at the sight before grabbing the ball and looking up to see the familiar short boy next door pulling himself up on the fence that separated your yard from his, and you grabbed a rag from your bag and wiped the softball off.

“Je vernielt in zijn eentje mijn tuin, weet je,” (You’re single-handedly ruining my garden, you know) you said to the boy and looked up at him through your sunglasses.

“Vergeef mij,” (Forgive me) he said and rested his head on his hands to watch you finish wiping his ball off. “Mijn vader wilde niet met mij spelen” (My dad wouldn’t play with me).

You stopped wiping for a moment and could see the sad look in the kids face. You smiled softly and stood, making your way over to the fence and handing him his ball back, though his expression didn’t change.

“Vraag het me de volgende keer dat je wilt spelen, oké?” (Next time you want to play, come ask me, okay?) You told him, and the smile reappeared on his face and he gave you a nod. You ruffled his hair as he jumped back off the fence and played once again. You went back to your bag, now full with vegetables, and picked it up to head back inside. You had a sweet pasta recipe to try tonight, and you think what you selected should work great-

You stopped in your tracks right before the back door. You lowered your sunglasses and lowered your gaze to the ground as you tried to focus on the sound in the air, the shift in the environment. You may have been slightly hungover but the presence was not hard to miss. You straightened your stance and gripped your sunglasses in your fist.

“Sam?” You called out. At first there wasn’t any rustling, but after a few moments you heard your back gate unlock and creak open, and that’s when you could hear the extra set of footsteps. You slowly turned around to face who had finally tracked you down, and were met with Sam Wilson… And Bucky Barnes in tow.

“What are you doing here?” You more so asked Sam. The pair glanced at one another and Bucky nodded his head at his partner in crime (God, you could just tell they were up to something) and Sam shoved his hands into the jacket he had been wearing.

“We came to see you, check in on how you’re doing,” Sam said. You chuckled a bit, and shook your head.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” you called him out. “What are you really doing here?”

“We need your help,” Bucky said. You bit your tongue and looked them over, maybe just a little curious as to what was going on. Just a little. “We stumbled onto something that I think you may have some information on.”

You hummed to yourself for a moment, thinking it over. Truthfully, the last thing you needed was whatever this was. So you shook your head and shrugged your shoulders. “I’m afraid I can’t help, but thanks for thinking of me.”

You turned your back on them and stepped up a couple steps into your house, and was all but ready to close the door to the world and close yourself off from Sam and Bucky, but Bucky took a step forward.

“There’s more super soldiers out there,” Bucky said in a serious tone. You stopped in your tracks, gripping onto your door for a few moments before looking back out to the pair. Bucky was watching you intently, in a stare you had only seen on him once before (which you didn’t want to recount at the moment). There was movement near the fence, and your eyes darted there to see the neighbor boy peeping his head over to see what was going on. When his gaze met yours, and you gave him “the look” he disappeared just as quickly as he appeared, and you looked back at the pair standing in your yard and against all better judgement, motioned your head behind you. Understanding your cue, Sam led the way inside, and you shut the door quickly behind Bucky.

You moved around the burly super soldier and brushed past Sam to set your bag of veggies in your kitchen. You had to take a moment to compose yourself before facing the duo who had been watching you intently. “Okay.. Go on. What do you mean there’s more super soldiers?”

Sam grabbed something from his pocket, a phone it looked like, and pulled something up before handing you the device. You hesitantly took it and looked down at the phone, where a video began playing of the recent Gasel Bank heist. You watched as someone got beaten to the ground, but what was astonishing was the sheer strength the masked person showed. Captivated, you carried the device into the living room and plopped down into the cushions of your sofa and watched more footage, this time up close from what you could guess were Dumb and Dumber who moved to hover over you.

“We were hoping you might know something,” Sam said. You handed his phone back to him which he graciously accepted, and you tapped your fingers together in thought before looking over at Bucky.

“What makes you think I know anything?” You asked. Bucky seemed to huff in annoyance at your questioning him, in all honesty you just wanted to hear him say it.

“You and I both know what went into the replication of that serum, your program especially,” Bucky said. You felt a lump form at the back of your throat and you casted your eyes downward. “You were still there after me… Did they perfect Stark’s serum?”

You looked back up at his question, and you held his gaze for a moment. You couldn’t believe this was how your day was turning, and you were pissed that he of all people were bringing up your past, like you volunteered for any of that shit.  You lightly bounced your leg as you fought to remember what you had known.

“HYDRA had been unsuccessful in using my father’s formula of the serum again, even after you managed to escape their hold,” you started. You swallowed the lump in the back of your throat and leaned back into the couch, averting your gaze from Bucky to the floor as you searched your memory. “They brought in a scientist, but it wasn’t my op, and it was on a need to know basis. The only reason we knew they started the research again was they started taking people from the Phantom program to test the serum on.”

“Phantom program?” Sam asked.

“That’s what they called us,” you mumbled. “All of us were deemed dead so… It was only fitting.”

“Did the scientist perfect the serum?” Bucky asked. You shrugged your shoulders and met his look again.

“Didn’t think so,” you answered honestly. “So if there’s serum still out there, he has to be your guy. Though I can say I didn’t see any kind of sign of that activity when working with SHIELD.”

“But it’s a start,” Sam nodded and Bucky looked his way. The two started sharing odd glances, and you watched in confusion. Sam suddenly looked your way and motioned around. “Think you could spare some time and do this mission with us?”

“Sam-” Bucky began to say as a warning, but you chuckled a bit which made him stop.

“I don’t do this anymore,” you told them as you motioned between them.

“Come on (Y/N),” Sam tried to reason as you stood up and walked your way back into the kitchen and opened up a cabinet in search of tonight’s bottle of wine to go with dinner. “I get that you’re going through it, I really do, but-”

Just as you managed to select the perfect medium-bodied red wine, Sam had come up beside you and took the bottle out of your hand. “This isn’t going to help you.”

“Yeah Sam and what is?” You asked while crossing your arms. “Because right now the only thing that would help me out is to see my brother again but guess what! It’s not going to fucking happen! It’s just me, here, and all by myself. All by myself…”

Your words trailed off as a heaviness grew in your chest. The atmosphere in the room was a lot more stuffy, and you would rather curl up and disappear then let Sam (and Bucky) see you cry. But here you fucking were, with Sam seeing the tears build up in your eyes and the look he gave you, you wanted to be mad but the only thing that you could seem to feel was just sad. You blinked back the feeling and took a glance back at Bucky, who stood in your living room and averted his gaze. You looked back at Sam, and put on the best front you could.

“You’re welcome to stay for the night, someone can take the bed in my room and someone can take the couch, but tomorrow? We go our separate ways again,” you said in a low tone. Sam’s look at you was… Disappointment. Before the sentiment could settle on your already guilty conscience you turned around and grabbed your keys and a peacoat and stopped at the front door. “Help yourselves to whatever you need.”

With that, you pulled the door open and just as swiftly shut behind you. The cottage walls shook for a moment before settling to a silence inside. Sam looked down at the bottle in his hand and set it back onto the counter before looking Bucky’s way, who still looked annoyed.

“What?” Bucky defensively asked when he noticed Sam’s stare. Sam shook his head at him and pushed the wine bottle to the back of the counter.

“You pushed that too hard,” Sam said, to which Bucky scoffed.

“Me? You’re the one who asked her to join us which, by the way, where did that come from?” Bucky questioned as Sam came back to the living room and sat down on the couch. Sam leaned forward with his arms on his legs and rubbed his hands together.

“Take a look around Robo-cop,” Sam emphasized and Bucky let out an annoyed sigh. “You’re seeing what I’m seeing, right?”

Bucky looked around at your surroundings. He wouldn’t peg it as chaotic, but he also couldn’t pin it as put together. There were personal touches here and there, but it didn’t feel like you belonged here. Bucky wasn’t blind to what was going on here, but he also didn’t see how that pertained to what Sam was suggesting.

“Sam, we came for some information, we got it, so why don’t you tell me what you’re trying to say,” Bucky replied. Sam rolled his eyes and leaned back into the cushions.

“We let her come here, by herself, even knowing how devastated she was after Tony died,” Sam explained. Bucky’s eyes darted to the floor at the memory of him following you out to that shed the day of Tony’s funeral, and the empty expression your eyes held. “Hell, we don’t even know how she felt about Steve. We should’ve been here for this. And that makes us shitty friends.”

“Ah, I wouldn’t say we’re friends-”

“Oh I’m sorry, who's the one that said she owed you a favor?” Sam asked and Bucky shrugged his shoulders.

“I did, but that doesn’t mean-”

“Nah ah,” Sam cut him off and Bucky rolled his eyes. “If you two owe one another favors, then your friends.”

“That’s sound logic, Sam,” Bucky sarcastically said.

You tossed your glass bottle of whatever the hell it was you drank earlier into a trash can on your way back home. You pulled your keys out of your jacket pocket and jingled them around until you found your house key and hipped quietly. Your cottage was just in view and all the lights were out. You grumbled to yourself as you neared, forced to remember what had happened earlier in the day (and boy did you work hard to forget that Sam and bucky were at your lace haha). You stumbled up the two steps to your door and used the wall to steady yourself, before quietly shoving your key into the door and pushed the door open.

It took a second to adjust to the environment, but the whole cottage was pitch black, besides whatever light from the moon managed to filter in. You carefully walked around the couch and glanced down at who occupied it, and when you saw Sam peacefully asleep you then looked at the door to your room and shuddered at the fact Bucky must’ve taken residence in there. You huffed a bit, and pulled a spare blanket out of a basket and moved to the back door. When you finally got outside and shut the door to not disturb your guest you tossed your blanket onto the patio sofa you had and kicked your shoes off.

After shedding yourself of your peacoat and plopping down on the hard cushions, you inwardly cursed the two men inside. You were doing just fine before their arrival, you had a schedule of self loathing and drinking then sleeping that they were interrupting. You just weren’t looking forward to the repercussions of tonight’s sleep. You laid back across the sofa and looked up at the sky, though nothing was there anymore. Or at least there wasn’t anything you could see.

Let’s be honest here. The reason you had turned to drinking was because of the fuzzy feeling you got after awhile. Your mind got to drift to something else besides the memories of your past, like… what to drink next, or in this case, is that a star or an airplane? It made the moment more simple, it made you forget who you were until you woke up again. That didn’t mean you didn’t resent yourself for your actions, but you just added that to the list of reasons why your endgame was the best resolution. You just weren’t ready to tell anyone what that endgame was.

Your gate creaked and you tilted your head to look in that direction. You could barely make out the figure as they neared, Bucky’s face became more clear. You looked back up to the sky and shook your head a bit to yourself. Bucky came to a stop close to you, and sighed a bit.

“You should go inside,” He said quietly.

“You should just leave me alone,” you quipped back to him. Though you couldn’t see it, Bucky rolled his eyes at your drunken response. You suddenly felt a lot more sober, and you turned your head to face him. “You had no right, you know.”

“What are you talking about?” Bucky asked and you huffed.

“You had no right to bring up the Phantom program. I didn’t tell anyone about that, not even Tony,” you admitted to him. Bucky bit his tongue and looked up at the sky for a moment to collect himself. “I didn’t want anyone to go digging into the extent of that.”

“I didn’t know,” Bucky admitted. You blinked at him as he caught your gaze again. “Look… I’m sorry.”

You fell silent before letting out a small sigh and adjusting yourself to be a little more comfortable, your head finally starting to feel dizzy again. But Bucky wasn’t ready to settle this, he shifted his weight and turned to face you.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Bucky asked. Your eyes fluttered back open and you looked over at him. He had taken a step closer, and hovered over you, and you raised a brow.

“What are you talking about?” You asked him this time.

“The drinking,” Bucky pointed out. You huffed and turned your head in the opposite direction into the cushions, and Bucky rolled his eyes. “It’s not going to help you know.”

“Yeah and how would you know?” You asked and looked back at him. Bucky leaned down to get in your face, and you tried to move back from him.

“Because I’m probably the only person who really knows what’s going on in your head.”

You bit your tongue, and Bucky backed off. In a bit of a daze, you plopped back down onto the cushions and pulled the blanket you brought out up to your chin. Bucky rolled his eyes at you shutting him down, and he moved to the door to go inside. The sooner the morning came and Sam and he could leave, the better for him.

“I never blamed you, you know,” you said in a light voice. Bucky stopped in his tracks and looked over at you. Your eyes were closed, and you were breathing evenly. Bucky retracted his hand from the door knob and took a couple steps closer. He needed to hear that again.

“What did you say?” He asked. You stirred a bit, but didn’t answer him. Carefully, Bucky used his gloved hand to touch your shoulder, and give you a small shake. When you still didn’t say anything, Bucky sighed and looked between the door and you and cursed in his head.

Bucky carefully slid an arm under your shoulders, and then hooked his other under your legs. He hoisted you up into his arms and into his chest, and your head rolled into his arm. Bucky shook his head at it and carefully brought you back inside, and past the couch, and pushed your room door open with his foot. Bucky sat himself on the edge of your bed and balanced you in his lap with one arm, and pulled your blankets open with a free hand. When he finally got you into your own bed, he took the blanket you had outside from you and tossed it onto his shoulder, and pulled the blankets on the bed onto you. Bucky stood from your bed, and before leaving the room he took a final glance at you as you stirred just slightly.

Bucky closed your door, and walked back towards the couch and settled himself onto the floor. As his back met the floor, he couldn’t help but wonder if you meant what you said, about not blaming him for what happened. One thing he did know was he meant what he said. Bucky stared at the door to the second room in the house, and he shook his head.

If there was one person he truly wanted to make amends with, it was you. After all, you were on his list of names.

- - - - - - - - - -

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[sillysunshinesstuff]

The Absolute Fuckery that was 15x20

Ok there were a lot of reasons why the final was bad. Like so many fucking reasons. Even without the queerbaiting,this is some of the worst writing I’ve ever seen and here’s a few reasons why: 

Destiel

Yes. Big main reason here. They should not have included a confession and have one of the main plots of season 15 be Castiel’s and Dean’s relationship if they didn’t intend to follow through in any way. It shouldn’t have been introduced because the story became disjointed and thematically unsatisfying due to not being addressed in the final in any sort of way. Also, queerbaiting in 2020? Just to get your views up for the last few episodes because they knew Supernatural had become a shit show of bad ratings? Calculated and cruel toward the LGBTQIA+ community who has supported their careers for years. 

Saileen

The absolute least they could have done was see this plot point through but they did not. We do not know if Eileen lives and even if they release information that she did, it’s still bullshit because we don’t get to see any part of her story. She has been reduced to a two dimensional character with no agency or purpose. Another woman just meant to prop up the male lead. Bullshit. 

The Empty

What the fuck was the point of everything about this plot line if it would just be trashed half way through? Why did Cas make that deal with Ruby? Why did she beg to get out? Why did the Empty accuse Jack of making it loud? I really thought they were going somewhere with this one but they chickened out. There was so much potential for this; the angels and demons being awakened, balance being restored in heaven and hell, a big final show down between them and God. There were so many things just dropped when it came to this and that is why season 15 is absolutely frustrating because it feels like we just wasted our time with useless world building that didn’t amount to anything. 

Kevin

I truly did think they’d address this in some sort of way, but the last time we saw Kevin, he was cursed to wander the earth until he became insane because his soul couldn’t ascend to heaven. I was really excited about this because I thought it meant there was going to be some restructuring of the Supernatural universe. The plot would be how the universe Chuck created wasn’t perfect and it had flaws and it was up to Team Free Will to fix some of these gaping holes. They made a point of calling it unfair. It was a wrong that should have been righted in some sort of way in the final. 

Benny

This really isn’t just about Benny, it is about the concept of purgatory. A running theme in the show is that good people don’t deserve what happened to them. We see a lot of “good” monsters throughout the show. Characters who helped, sacrificed, and died for the brothers. At the end, they are sent to monster hell or purgatory. There was an episode this season where Sam and Dean killed a teenage boy who had been turned into a vampire. The teenage boy accepted his death because he knew it was for the best. He was afraid of hurting more people and he accepted that it was unfair. They made sure to emphasize how unjust the rules of this universe were and the emotional toll these universal rules took on the boys. Benny’s demise was spoken about briefly and we see Dean very hurt about his death. But the audience is left with the feeling that this is wrong. That the way the Supernatural universe is structured is wrong. Good people get turned into monsters, die, go to purgatory, and then die the ultimate death there. Is this what’s in store for all the “good monster” characters in the show? Garth? His family? They’re werewolves who fight their monster instincts, do they they still deserve purgatory? Did that teenage boy? A gaping hole that I thought the show was going to address in some way. Maybe offer redemption to those in purgatory or have Jack completely wipe away the concept of monsters in the universe. After all, it was just Chuck’s shitty writing, why couldn’t they wipe it clean and just leave people? “Cure” people of the monster and officially give the boys a way out of hunting? No monsters means no hunting. They’d be truly free. I thought this was direction they were going based off the certain episodes and characters discussed. But nope.

Jack

They reduced Jack’s character to plot food and that’s it. His ending was sloppy because it didn’t take into account any of the growth he’s had over the last three seasons. We predicted his ending from season 12 and that’s bad writing. Just. Awful writing. This character had dreams, motivations, relationships, but that all quite literally dissipated. He was used as a magic button that solved all their problems. 15x19 truly showed the lack of thought put into his character. He should not have been a main character if he didn’t have more influence on the plot than simply being a cop-out for having to write a well thought out solution. He was literally just there to snap his fingers and fix all their problems. 

Dean

Oh yeah, Dean’s ending was a big fuck you to any character growth this character has had over the last 15 seasons. There is a line in his final 15 minute goodbye monologue where he says they always knew it would end this way. Which, exactly. We always thought it would end this way because it’s so goddamn predictable. It’s shitty writing because it doesn’t try to subvert this. It quite literally says that any growth Dean has had meant nothing because it didn’t change his end. Dean Winchester was always meant to die a young, bloody death. Everything he’s done, everything he’s bled and sacrificed for meant nothing. His prediction came true. It makes the audience wonder why they stuck around for this long ass journey if they knew the ending all along. It isn’t about what this character deserves. We have always known that the hero deserves happiness, but the ending should say something about why the story matters. Why did we see Dean struggle all his life about accepting himself? Loving himself? Seeing himself as someone who deserves to live? It was yet another theme and plot point throughout season 15. It’s what Castiel proclaimed to him in his confession and it is what Dean finally acknowledged by telling Chuck that’s not who he was. Dean Winchester is not a cold blooded killer. Dean Winchester deserved to live. It was beautiful character growth. A wonderful end to him. But they said fuck that when his last words were that he always knew it would end this way. That he always knew he wasn’t meant to live a long life. The writers wanted tears and they got them. I was crying, not because it was a beautiful satisfying death or ending, but because they tore apart 15 years of development for my beloved character. Dean Winchester has shown consistently that he wanted more than hunting, he wanted more than the life he got stuck with. But they didn’t follow through. They just decided to make an emotional ending because that was the coolest broest bro masculine thing to do. 

Castiel

Literally everything. Literally fucking everything. Another character that was reduced to plot food. Castiel, the angel who rebelled against heaven and fell for the man he raised from perdition, was not deemed important enough to be in the final. This was the biggest fuck you of all. His story had become so complicated over the last few seasons and his purpose was kinda everywhere but they finally focused it when they had his happiness be Dean. When he said he found his faith when he found a family. When he became a father to someone who would one day save the universe. Castiel lived for the love he learned he was capable of. His ending just made no sense. I guess we’re supposed to assume Jack saved his from the empty but he wasn’t shown. He was not shown greeting Dean, the man he died for over and over again, his happiness. He was not shown being reunited with Jack, his faith. He was not shown enjoying the life he fell from grace for. He was a book with half its pages ripped out. Castiel didn’t get an ending. He got erased. 

Sam

That fucking wig. 

This is just some of my rambling thoughts I wanted to share will all of you. I have been a fan of this show for so many years. I invested so much time and love into something I’m going to look back on with bitter disappointment. Some of shittiest writing I have ever seen. Thanks for reading and add some more reasons. I know a missed a shit ton. 

[winter-came]

I would like to hear your opinions on vanya :’)

This was like an omen, dropping into my inbox. You want me to burn? You shall have it.

I didn’t prepare for this, so these are things I can think of right now.

First of all, and this is more of an issue of fandom than Vanya herself. But Vanya Hargreeves is bisexual and I am sick and tired of the erasement. Just because she dated an abusive manipulative dick doesn’t mean it was not affection/love! She dated a man in S1 AND a woman in S2 and both relationships were valid! Because guess what...it’s called bisexuality. Someone once tagged under my post that Vanya is lesbian and I’ve been pissed about it since then. Go on, block me.

Now, if you are still reading.

1. Vanya is NOT an innocent cinnamon bun that has to be protected and has small anger issues where she blows up the moon. OH NO. Vanya, before she got sedated by Reggie, was the most savage and feral one of the bunch. Or at least she had GREAT potential for it. Mrs. Vanya “I’m not in the mood for training, so I will blow these glasses everywhere.” & “I don’t wanna eat this breakfast so I will kill multiple nannies without blink of an eye until my father is forced to build up A ROBOT in order to make me eat breakfast.” Vanya was always dangerous and capable. [don’t come for me with the argument “she was a child.” So was Ben and had a monster inside of him and he was good. This was a temper of character.]

Reginald was horrible and a bitch [ I AM NOT DEFENDING HIM] but he knew what he was doing by stopping her from developing her powers. By all means, it was the shittiest way he could manage to do so but what he didn’t do in shittiest possible way?

And if you wanna excuse child Vanya, fine, let’s look at grown up Vanya.

Grown Vanya chose violence and utter savagery on two occasions. [I am not even gonna mention that accident with Allison, because yes, it was an accident but we all somehow forgave and forgot. Also who of them did not seriously harm or kill someone?]. However, let’s look at Leonard and Pogo. She killed them, fully conscious of what she was doing, in a brutal manner. That wasn’t poor moody child Vanya. That wasn’t sedated and overlooked Vanya. That was what Vanya has inside of her. Savagery, danger, brutality.

She is a complex character with flaws and sharp edges. But I feel that all fandom sees is “poor Vanya who was never loved and was treated like shit.” AND? You don’t get to kill people and blow up fucking Moon just because you were not loved. [I know I said I would blow up Moon if I got betrayed by Leonard like she did, BUT STILL?!]

She is not the sweetheart fandom pretends her to be.

2. I have a huge ass problem with her arc in S2.

What especially doesn’t sit with me is how she treats Five. She apologized to Diego without even knowing what she did. She never said A THING to Five [wasn’t it her after all who caused the wasteland where he got stuck?] Weren’t they supposed to be closest as kids? The way she left him in the streets after Luther told her she blew up the moon [again, something Five spared her of]. The way she was ready to fight him over taking Sissy with them. If she was so kind and innocent and sweet as her stans paint her, would she do any of that? I don’t think so.

I could excuse her while she didn’t remember. But after her memories came back? She bonded with Diego [“She is liability” & “Had enough material for your sequel yet?”] but DID NOT EVEN TALK TO FIVE??? Please, the fuck does that mean? Bullshit on her side.

3. And let’s talk about that book she published. On one hand, “ballsy” to expose her family like that. Good for her. I get it, spite and bitterness are my main motivators too. BUT the secrets she spilled weren’t just hers. Other SIX people [Reginald not even included cause he is dick] were included. Their traumas, their secrets, their fears, their childhood, their actions, their good memories and the bad ones. Everything they were and been through, was given to the world without their permission. Again, if she was such a sweetheart, would she do that? AND SHE HAD THE AUDACITY to throw puppy eyes on them for being pissed off with her. As if they were the ones who exposed her.

I would be absolutely angry with her for it. Because she had NO RIGHT to do so. Ya, go off, expose Reginald. But her siblings deserved to have at least SAYING into it [Steve from Haunting of the Hill House is an example → similar vibe].

Horrible things happened to her, without a doubt. She deserves better. Baby Vanya deserved better. BUT let’s not pretend she is a sweet angel who made a small mistake and has to be treated with gloves. You all were so keen to ride Luther to ground for locking her up but you did not blink once when she killed Pogo. You all called out Diego for trying to save Kennedy but you did not say a word about her being adamant bringing Sissy and Harlan with them. You don’t have the same measure on Vanya as you have with others.

I am not HATING her, but she would end up in last place if I had to choose. Precisely for her hypocrisy and blind attitude and playing victim. Parents fuck you up, you don’t get to fuck up others. And pretend you didn’t.

[And don’t even try to bring Five into this [because I am known stan]. Unlike some of you with Vanya, I fully acknowledge both the good and bad sides of him. What he had done, what he is like. I am not an apologist for him nor am I blindly excusing him and putting him on pedestal where he does not belong. Some of you however bathe Vanya in the sun she does not deserve.]

Now, I will escort myself off premises before you all burn me alive. But please, put your opinions under the post or in tags, I would love to read it!.

[feelingsaph]

AoT Fan-Manga review: “Today is Sunny” (2014)

Also known as Honjitsu wa Seiten Nari. Yes, this was released back in 2014.

Read it here.  I suggest you read this manga first, but if you’re a rebel, don’t say I respect that 😉 but spoiler warning, I will also be referring to stuff from the anime up to season 3. 

This is gonna be a long one, folks, so strap in. You’re gonna enjoy this. Please read to the end, you’re not gonna regret it.

I’m not sure if I’m just late to the party, or if no one’s ever talked about this on Tumblr, but I’m here to give my two cents on this story and how great it is. I’m willing to bet some of you have yet to stumble upon this story, so this review/rant goes out to you folks. If someone else has talked about it and I’m not as original as I think I am, then whoops.

Also, I’m only going to be talking about the story. I’m not too good at rating art work; to me, it’s okay.

Anyways, onto the review/rant:

We start this story with a simple set up: It’s cleaning day for the Scouts, Erwin has left Levi to handle it while he’s off with Nile to do who knows what. Levi of course, takes this task almost more seriously than killing off titans, and our squad (the 104th cadets, this includes Reiner and Bertolt) are kind of shitting their pants.

Of course, shenanigans happen. Poor Reiner was celebrating being grouped with Historia, only to have that ripped from under him by Sasha...

Connie and Jean messing around only to be caught by Levi...

This moment...

Damn Ackermans can be terrifying.

Mikasa thinking it’s a good idea to use oranges to clean up the windows (idk how that actually worked). Poor Armin had to peer into this scene:

Honestly Bertolt didn’t deserve this ;w;

Warning to anyone who’s terrified of bugs, there’s a cockroach in this story. Yuck. (Reiner just has the shittiest luck of them all I think)

Y’all fought giant man-eaters on the daily but get so worked up over a tiny bug???

Anyways, when Erwin gets back, we finally find out about what he’s been up to all day:

GUYS! My heart stuttered when I read this part 😭

Apparently back when Erwin was a captain, he’d write these cards to his team at the end of the year, celebrating the fact they live to the next year. But now that he’s commander, he writes one for everyone...

Oof. My heart... I- 😢

But that’s not even the most wholesome part...

The way I started SOBBING when he started naming every fallen scout and putting down their personal letters on the grave. I wish this was canon! THIS IS SUCH AN ERWIN THING TO DO.. Makes me even sadder now that I won’t ever see him on the show again.

I love how Erwin personally wrote all of the cards to every single one of his scouts, even the ones who are not there with him anymore. His appreciation for them just makes me heart warm and fuzzy and I don’t think anyone could be a better leader than him (I love Hange, but Erwin wins this round)

And now I’m just hurted (not a word I know)

ALSO BONUS, THIS CUTE SCENE WITH LEVI:

I can’t with their comradery. Just Levi waiting outside for Erwin and dusting off the snow without a word exchanged. It’s absolutely precious. Again, will miss this in the show...

END OF RANT.

Overall, I love this story, it expanded on the characters without them being out of character, the story is short and sweet, plus I got a couple of good laughs after reading.

Anyways, hope you got to this part of the post, wouldn’t want you to miss out on the sweetest parts of the story.

[meggtheegg]

Bucky

bucky my beloved 🥺

favorite thing about them

honestly, just how truly good he is. there's a lot of talk about the incorruptible pure pureness that is steve rogers, but bucky has been dealt the shittiest hand, like honestly he's endured several supervillains worth of origin stories and yet, he doesn't for a moment consider going in that direction. you could say he chooses to be good in spite of it all, but i don't think it's even a choice, because he doesn't consider anything else to be an option. it's just who he is, and it's something that, in order to temporarily change, hydra had to take him and his free will out of the equation, entirely, and even then, he managed to break free and fight back. he always rolls with the punches and then gets up and keeps going, and i feel like that part of his characterization is often overlooked between all the angst/tragedy and the shadows of steve and sam, who just happen to be two of the most overtly good characters in the mcu, if not in modern media. but there's a reason that both of them end up with bucky as their best friend. the guy may have gotten grumpy in his old age, but that core goodness is still there, and it's very telling that all of the villains in tfatws jump directly to appealing to that goodness, rather than the seemingly obvious (to an outsider) decision to use his past against him. (i know karli references it, but when it comes to direct action, her instinct is to "give him someone to rescue")

least favorite thing about them

this is less about him as a character and more about the way he's used, but i feel like the movies, especially since civil war, have used him almost entirely as motivation for steve, rather than a character in his own right. even after tfatws, it feels like there is so much that's gone unexplored, even though his story is, in my opinion, one of the most interesting in the entire mcu. tfatws was, ultimately, sam's story, and i wouldn't want that any other way, but i'm still waiting for something to give us character development and a plotline for bucky that doesn't happen 1: offscreen or 2: in the shadow of another character's arc.

favorite line

it would be very easy to go with either "who the hell is bucky?" or "i'm with you to the end of the line, pal," but those are very predictable, so probably:

Sam: Why didn’t you use the metal arm? Bucky: Well… I don’t always think of it immediately. I’m...right-handed...

i know it's a really simple line that doesn't carry a ton of weight, but it perfectly encapsulates who bucky is. his existence as an enhanced super-soldier isn't really at the front of his mind, because he didn't choose to be that way. when he's allowed to just relax and exist, he does so as a normal guy, and he still jumps to using his dominant hand when it comes to fixing the boat, because of course he does

brOTP

i would honestly love to see him building a friendship/sibling-relationship with wanda. i could just see them so easily sliding into those roles, him stepping in for the brother she lost and her taking the place of the sisters that lived and died while he was hydra's prisoner. both of them have been through so much trauma, both of them have relied on steve to deal with that trauma, at some point or another, and both are grappling with how much of themselves they still are, in the wake of gaining powers they didn't necessarily ask for similarly, marvel, please let this man become a mentor to peter parker instead of dr. strange. peter needs someone who can relate to him, not just another tony stark, and who better than another naïve kid from new york who got dragged into a fight way bigger than himself and is now dealing with overwhelming, crushing guilt and responsibility that he's too good to neglect but that he never asked for, in a world where most superheroes had the privilege of choosing to become that way??? like honestly it's such an obvious match, and with bucky's history with tony and howard, he could give peter some much-needed insight, while peter could give him equally-needed closure.

OTP

never did i expect to want sambucky to be a thing, but i desperately want it to be a thing. it just feels right?? like he fits so naturally into the wilson family, and while i'd be happy to see him with sarah, he and sam have such natural chemistry and pairing two natural caretakers together would mean lots of support for two characters who desperately need it. also, he just...looks at sam with such love in his eyes that my mom thought they were going to become a couple, and she is very much in the "two men should be allowed to just be friends" camp.

nOTP

bucky/tony. hate it. hate it so much. burn it with fire. these men do not like each other and their one meaningful interaction has been one repeatedly trying to...blast the other's head off. it's a nope from me.

random headcanon

honestly this is borderline canon, but this man is a nerd. he is a geek. a dork, if you will. he spent his childhood with his nose in a book, and would have gone to college (and a good one, too) to study some difficult subject and make a name for himself in some intellectual field, if steve's mom hadn't passed away that year. he was stuck with the opposite of steve's problem; rather than wanting to fight and physically being unable to, bucky was in peak physical condition and therefore expected to be tough and aggressive, when he'd much rather just use his head to get out of tough situations

unpopular opinion

while stucky sort of plays out like a grand romance and some of the fanfics are basically masterpieces, i'm really glad it didn't go canon and am honestly,,,,kind of glad for bucky's sake that steve is out of the picture??? bc as much as i love him, their relationship, especially towards the end, had a pretty serious power imbalance that was never really addressed. bucky would have let himself disappear in order to do whatever steve needed him to, basing his entire self-image and level of self-worth on steve's feelings about him. he and sam (whether their relationship is platonic or romantic) are much more like equals, and honestly more like pre-war bucky and steve, willing to poke fun at each other and have disagreements, because they deeply respect each other as full people, not idealized versions of someone who doesn't exist anymore. meanwhile, post ws bucky and steve often ranged anywhere from a hero/sidekick dynamic to a hero/damsel-in-distress one, and neither are particularly healthy for very long, no matter how much they love each other.

song i associate with them

known and loved - blue light bandits, joel ansett

favorite picture of them

nothing beats Cool Uncle BuckyTM

[ponett]

As I said in my thoughts on The Color of Magic, I’d been told many times that the Discworld series started out rough as Pratchett found his voice over the course of the first few books. Going into the second book, which is a direct continuation of the first, I was braced for more of the same: an enjoyable but very uneven genre parody starring Rincewind the funny wizard and Twoflower the fantasy tourist. An amusing but unambitious bit of pulp fantasy writing, with lots of fun moments that don’t quite come together to form a cohesive whole

So I was very surprised to find that, while we still haven’t quite reached the proper Discworld style I’ve heard so much about, The Light Fantastic was a huge improvement over its predecessor, and a book I had a great time reading

The Light Fantastic is essentially The Color of Magic: Part Two, picking up exactly where the first book left off. Rincewind and Twoflower had fallen off the edge of the world, their fates uncertain. This book begins with reality itself literally being rewritten to place our heroes back on the disc, safe and sound

There’s a reason for this: as established in the first book, Rincewind's head contains the eighth and final spell from a legendary tome known as the Octavo, which is said to have existed since the dawn of the universe. The Octavo had been kept in the wizarding university Rincewind previously attended, you see, and he once read it on a dare, at which point the eighth spell decided to quite literally live in his head rent free

Spells in the Discworld universe are sort of alive and have their own free will, and this one has been both a blessing and a curse for Rincewind. On the one hand, the Spell has been secretly manipulating reality to keep him alive all this time, giving an in-universe explanation for how the shittiest wizard ever has managed to get out of so many near death experiences. On the other hand, this one huge spell has left no room in his brain for any others. He’s tried for years to memorize other, more useful spells, but these lesser spells are “too scared” to stay in the same mind as one from the Octavo. While a little of this was established in the first book, it didn’t really go anywhere, so it’s nice to see it expanded upon here (and to learn what the Spell actually does in the thrilling climax)

The Spell is at the center of something The Light Fantastic has over its predecessor: a plot! Whereas The Color of Magic felt like four short stories stapled together and called a novel, book two has an honest to goodness narrative. The world turtle that carries the Discworld is headed towards an ominous red star, and the wizarding community believes that reading all eight of the Octavo’s spells is the key to their salvation. The fact that one of the spells has lodged itself in Rincewind’s brain is the central source of conflict that ties the events of the book together into a cohesive package

As part of this newfound main plot, book two also features a central antagonist in the form of a rival wizard named Trymon (played by Tim Curry in the TV adaptation). Trymon is a cold, calculating wizard who values organization over the chaos of traditional magic, and who wants to use any means necessary to put himself in a position of power in the wizard community. The book regularly checks in on him and the other wizards back in Ankh-Morpork as Rincewind is off having more misadventures with Twoflower, and he also sends multiple groups of mercenaries out to retrieve Rincewind. While book two still features a lot of standalone setpiece moments along the way, having this threat looming in the background from page one gives everything a sense of urgency and importance that was sorely lacking the first time around

The biggest and most consistent change, however, is the prose. I don’t know what happened in the three years between the first two books, but Pratchett’s writing has gotten so much snappier and funnier. While I almost dozed off a few times reading The Color of Magic in spite of its fun ideas, it feels like nearly every paragraph of the second book has at least one fantastic line, and the dialogue is a treat

Perhaps the best example of this newfound creative confidence is a new main character introduced partway through the book. The Color of Magic featured Hrun, a buff and not extremely bright hero who was quite blatantly modeled after Conan the Barbarian. He was present for about half the story, existed to poke a bit of fun at the archetype, and then got unceremoniously dropped from the story before its final act. This time around, he’s been replaced by a character named Cohen the Barbarian. The name’s a dead giveaway, but yes, this guy’s still a Conan parody. However, instead of just being a straight expy of Conan to poke fun at, Cohen is something more interesting: he’s a version of that archetype who never stopped adventuring, even past his prime, and is now still fighting evil at the ripe old age of 87

Cohen is a lot of fun to read and a much more well-rounded character than Hrun ever was, and it’s not surprising for me to learn that he kept popping up in future books. Of course, for as much as I liked reading about him, Cohen also comes with some baggage that proves I’m still not quite out of the weeds. While Pratchett was definitely starting to move towards more empathetic writing, the Discworld universe is still a pretty cynical place in many respects, and the characters often exist more to be the subjects of mockery

Cohen caught me off guard when he suddenly announced to Rincewind that he had plans to marry Bethan, the fourth member of this makeshift adventuring party, who’s introduced as a sacrificial maiden who the protagonists rescue against her will. (She briefly complains about how a life spent among druids has now been flushed down the drain if they aren’t going to sacrifice her after all, and how she could’ve spent all those years doing anything else.) The problem here is that Cohen is 87, and Bethan is 17

Rincewind does immediately point out that this is extremely weird, of course, and the wiki tells me that the two apparently got divorced off-screen shortly after the events of this book. I know it’s not Pratchett advocating for 70-year age gaps or anything. It’s supposed to be absurd. It’s poking fun at how this Conan-style hero is still only interested in young maidens even in his 80s. And Pratchett thankfully steered clear of the Master Roshi style “pervy old man” trope, instead focusing on how Cohen likes that Bethan knows how to straighten his aging spine and things like that. But still. Before this, a heartwarming little moment where Cohen realized that Twoflower still saw him as this awesome, legendary hero had me thinking that the tone of the series was shifting more rapidly than I expected. But I guess we’re not there yet

Similarly, a bit about how Rincewind and most other wizards had a misogynistic bias against the types of magic women tended to perform and didn’t allow them to study as wizards made me think a little less of him. Again, while the characters are growing, there are still more instances where we’re supposed to laugh at the characters instead of with them. In many respects, they kind of intentionally suck as people

To put it in terms of modern sitcoms: tonally, we’re not at something like The Good Place yet. It’s closer to Always Sunny with wizards. But for now, that’s not such a bad thing for it to be

Some stumbling blocks aside, I found The Light Fantastic to be an extremely enjoyable read, and a clear improvement over its predecessor. While first book was a series of random events that just sort of stopped at an arbitrary point, this one offered a complete adventure that allowed the characters to grow a bit and left me satisfied. I’d list more funny moments that gave me a chuckle, but there are too many to list and this post is already long enough

I was also very intrigued to see Pratchett lay the groundwork for the next two books. As mentioned, the gender divide between witches and wizards was briefly established, and will be explored more in the next book, Equal Rites. (We also met a male relative of Granny Weatherwax at Unseen University, although poor Galder is quickly killed by the Luggage.) And Death has already moved past his shtick of trying to take Rincewind’s life. In a scene at his home, we got a tease of his personal life, and the fact that he has an adopted human daughter was revealed. Big things are on the horizon in this series, and after how good this second book was, I’m now even more pumped to get to these new stories

[agirlunderarock]

How I accidentally wrote 20 page paper on Boromir for one of my Final Ever University Papers PART 3

 Okay folks so I think we’re a little more than halfway through? I think??? I don’t freaking know this is the exact same feeling I had while writing the paper-

Will I ever come to an end? 

We just don’t know

If you missed Part 1 and Part 2  just click the text and it’ll take you to the link

So where did we leave off last time?

I told you exactly how academics where taking a crap on the goodest boi and so this time I’m going to explain why Faramir is the better character foil. Because instead of using Boromir as foil for say Aragorn or Sam, I say they should be using Faramir. I think specifically I left you guys with this lovely little picture I made myself of their character arcs:

If you can’t read it, I’m sorry its pixilated, thats just how the program gets when you try to make an image that compact to fit on a large presentation poster with an already large image. But anyway the important thing in this image isn’t whether or not you can read the damn thing, no, its that Boromir and Faramir’s character arcs are nearly exactly the same.Boromir and Faramir face political, and familial pressures, and faced with the question of what to do about Frodo and the ring. Both brothers are introduced in places that are supposedly out of their element. Boromir is seemingly described as more prepared for battle and fighting, yet we meet him in a council meeting of all things, and Faramir who is supposed to be #intellectual we meet after he and his men have just conducted a raid on an enemy patrol. They’re later both faced with questions of doubt and what they feel they need to do to protect their people. Denethor asks a lot of them and it takes a toll in some way shape and form. but the main points of their character arc ultimately come down to the conflict of family, country, and the fellowship.

like okay I’m not gonna lie, I really just want to put this picture in here and I have a funny story about how this picture made it in the research project but basically even the movie backs up that Boromir’s real foil is Faramir.

shit what was I saying?

Oh yeah

so basically in this flashback from the two towers we get a good side by side comparison between the brothers. Clearly they look alike, but look at how they’re dressed. Boromir’s in full armor my dudes, sword looks like its partially out of the scabbard- but really the main thing you need to focus on is the costuming in this shot, because the costuming here is, of course a reflection of their roles as military leaders, but also a major reflection of their personalities and really how their character arcs play out as a whole. Boromir is usually on the defensive (note I say defensive not ready to throw down) not just in battle because Mordor is like constantly like “Knock Knock can we come in?” but when he gets the Rivendell too, he’s being defensive because it almost sounds like these people half way across the world are going to forsake his home and the people he loves. So yes, I’d say my boi gets to be a little abrasive and wear emotional armor. He’s got a lot of feelings and he doesn’t get to talk about them because either 1. he’s with his troops or 2 he’s surrounded by people he doesn’t know that well i.e. the fellowship early in the story.

Faramir on the other hand is wearing some pretty light armor. He’s more open than Boromir, and if I remember correctly its said in the book that Faramir had taken to talking with Gandalf often when he was young and stuff- I don’t remember tbh I’m at that point where I haven’t read a book in a year cause I’m so damn tired, and I get canon and fanon mashed up sometimes. But what I’m trying to get at is, Faramir lets himself be open to more ideas, to more people, he’s more trusting of people’s intentions probably that numorian thing that he and Denethor have tbh. So basically what I’m trying to say is the main difference between the two brothers is how they deal with fear and anxiety.

Again Boromir tries to hide and swallow his fear and anxiety- he has to as a military leader shit happens. Faramir, looks for as many plans as he can to relieve some of his fear and anxiety- he’s also a leader shit happens.

So remember back when I said that Aristotle said some bullshit about how betraying your father is like the shittiest thing a person could ever do ever? Or when I said the heroism through obedience is absolute bullshit? If not too bad that was your reminder, though I genuinely don’t remember if I talked about the latter.

Denethor becomes the focal point of how these characters are compared. I say this because there is never a moment in the books were we actually have a conversation with all three of them present, but we know that he makes the same demand of both of his sons, that being find out what Isildure’s Bane is and then find a way to protect Gondor by any means. Not necessarily a bad request, its just HEAVY and the way its delivered in Return of the King is heavy and hurtful. I sir I know your mad stressed but also

YOUR SONS ARE MAD STRESSED SO CAN YOU PLEASE NOT HAVE CONVERSATIONS LIKE THIS:

“‘Your bearing is lowly in my presence, yet it is too long now since you turned from your own way at my counsel. See, you have spoken skillfully, as ever; but I, have I not seen your eye fixed on Mithrandir seeking whether you said well or too much? He has long had your heart in his keeping.

‘My son, your father is old but not yet dotard […]

‘If what I have done displease you, my father,’ said Faramir quietly, ‘I wish I had known your counsel before the burden of so weight a judgement was thrust on me.’

‘Would that have availed to change your judgement?’ said Denethor. ‘You would still have done just so, I deem. I know you well. […]But in desperate hours gentleness may be repaid with death.’

‘So be it,’ said Faramir.

‘So be it!’ cried Denethor. ‘But not with your death only, Lord Faramir: with the death also of your father, and all your people, whom it is your part to protect now that Boromir is gone.’

‘Do you with then,’ said Faramir, ‘that our places had been exchanged?’

‘Yes, I wish that indeed,’ said Denethor. “For Boromir was loyal to me and no wizard’s pupil.” (Return of the King 794-795).

Like thats a big load for two dudes to carry man

Like I get it but thats heavy and I cri for both my bois having to deal with this war their whole life

 But you see what I’m getting at here. Theres a lot of expectations for these boys, and really they just need hugs, and I need a hug rewriting this part into non academic language because it makes me BIG SAD

But whats interesting about the expectation that his sons only be loyal to him, is that in attempting to obey their father, THEY GET FUCKING WRECKED. Boromir ends up scaring Frodo to the point the Fellowship breaks up, and Faramir ends up like almost dying and gets his men wrecked. Now I’m not saying Aristotle is full of bullshit, but he’s full of shit, and I’m gonna learn you why.

So before I say which critic actually puts everyone else to shame by praising two hobbit bois, let me make this clear: Boromir does not die trying to obey his father, he dies actively disobeying him. Instead of trying to find Frodo and still get the ring like Denethor would have wanted, Boromir goes dies defending Merry and Pippin. HE COULD HAVE LEFT THEM IN FAVOR OF GOING AFTER THE RING BUT HE’S A GOOD MAN WHO WANTED HIS HOBBIT CHILDREN WHO ARE TECHNICALLY JUST AS OLD AS HIM TO GET AWAY AND BE SAFE AND HE DIED. Faramir on the other hand nearly dies while trying to carry out his father’s orders and thats tragic but again- shit happens.

According to no braincells Aristotle, one of these is right, even with the tragic outcome and one is wrong and deserved to die.

WRONG

In Ian Romuald Lakowski’s, "Types of Heroism in The Lord of the Rings," he acknowledges that through Merry and Pippin there is heroism in DISOBEDIENCE. For Boromir and Faramir this means obedience or disobedience is not a simple right or wrong choice, and in both of them being disobedient to their father is a more sure sign of their heroism.

I mean think about it, the very action every critic characterizes Boromir for is based off of his obedience to his father. He’s villainized for trying to take the ring from Frodo, when the reality is, the man was struggling with trying to figure out what the right course of action was. ITS THE SAME REASON FARAMIR TAKES SO DAMN LONG TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH FRODO AND SAM. THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

So what ends up happening? Faramir is praised a good guy for disobeying, and really in the end the real Boromir comes back when he disobeys Denethor too.

But we’ll come back to some of that in a bit,

Because STRESS is not enough to bind these two as better foils than other comparison that can be made. Because again, critics like to praise Faramir and elevate him and I’m not about to put them against each other.

Like despite their differences Boromir and Faramir’s relationship with one another isn’t characterized by fear or power or even that #stress but genuine love for one another. And this is important, because though no critics ever sighted a page for their reading of Boromir as a greedy little shit, I believe their interpretation comes from second hand accounts of his character. Instead of actually looking at what he says and does to be his true self.  They characterize Boromir by his single action of trying to take the ring from Frodo instead of looking at him as a whole.

Boromir’s relationship with his brother is incredibly important because given the circumstances and everything that they’ve been through and even though they have very different thought processes, they should have a rocky relationship, but  they don’t. They have a very good relationship.The appendices give a nice description of the things we never got to see happen in the book

“…there was great love, and had been since childhood, when Boromir was the helper and protector of Faramir. No jealousy or rivalry had arisen between them since, for their father’s favour or for the praise of men. It did not seem possible to Faramir that any one in Gondor could rival Boromir, her of Denethor, Captain of the White Tower; and of like mind was Boromir” (1032).

Actually

I take it back

Never say never get to see because in the council of Elrond, Boromir literally shows us his relationship with his brother and what kind of person he is. 

“ Therefore my brother, seeing how desperate was our need, was eager to heed the dream and seek for Imadris; but since the way was fully of doubts and danger, I took the journey upon myself,” showing that he willingly put himself in danger to protect his little brother (The Fellowship of the Ring 239).

The reason I bring this up is because I don’t think critics look at what Boromir actually says and does through out the book. I literally don’t understand where or how they would even perceive this as an ulterior motive or that he does anything with ill intent. AT THIS POINT THERE IS NOTHING THAT SUGGEST HE MIGHT BE. BECAUSE LITERALLY EVERY ACTION BOROMIR TAKES IS TO PROTECT SOMEONE ELSE

 Like maybe they take the first description of Boromir to be negative:

“a tall man fair and noble face, dark-haired and grey-eyed, proud and stern of glance,”

But none of these are inherently negative. Proud and stern aren’t negative words. Proud doesn’t become negative until you pair it with the action of taking the ring from Frodo and THATS ASSUMING that he’s taking it for himself to use and that he himself wants power.

BUT HE DOESN’T- and we’ll get to why later

OR maybe they’re trying to take what Faramir has to say about his brother to the extreme end: 

“‘And this I remember of Boromir as a boy, when we together learned the tale of our sires and the history of our city, that always it displeased him that his father was not king. “How many hundreds of years needs it to make a steward a king, if the king returns not?” he asked. […] Alas poor Boromir. Does that tell you something of him?’

‘It does,’ said Frodo. ‘Yet always he treated Aragorn with honour.’

‘I doubt it not,’ said Faramir. ‘If he were satisfied of Aragron’s claim, as you say, he would greatly reverence him. But the pinch had not yet come. They had not yet reached Minas Tirith or become rivals in her wars” (The Two Towers 655 ).

Which I’m gonna be honest is fair assessment.  But like Boromir’s asking these questions 1. as a kid, and as I myself was a child who hated incompetency, ITS CONFUSING AND FRUSTRATING TO BE DOING ALL THE WORK AND NOT GET THE CREDIT? (RIGHT NOW I’M LOOKING AT PEOPLE WHO REPOST FAN ART WITHOUT THE CREDIT- I WILL FIND YOU AND SMITE YOU)

but anyway, yeah you know what that question about kingship tells me- HE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE THE FUCKING KING IS???? Like thats not inherently a greed thing- Only if you’re looking at it from like a religious standpoint and blah blah blah Catholic teachings about- but again

Then good boy Frodo looking out for him, I’m gonna cry, points out the obvious- that Boromir respected Aragorn, and Faramir has the nerve to say- yeah but wait until the group project falls apart- then see what happens

and let me just say

Faramir

sir

my boi

YOU CLEARLY HAVE BEEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE A GOOD TEAM FOR YOUR GROUP PROJECT BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU. IF ARAGORN WENT IN THERE AND THINGS STARTED GOING WRONG AND PEOPLE STARTED DYING OF COURSE BOROMIR WAS GOING TO BE PISSED- LIKE THEY WAITED HOW LONG FOR WHAT????

It’d be like if someone you didin’t know came over to your house told you not to make dinner in your own house, that they knew their way around the kitchen- WHEN THEY DON’T KNOW YOUR’RE ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS, proceed to start a fire while trying to fry up some chicken, and then saying they’ve got it under control, but the fire dept can’t put out your oven. I mean thats worst case scenario.

I’m sorry but just the thought of someone I know/am related to coming into my room and touches my goddamn light switch gives me anxiety- BOROMIR HAD TO TRUST THIS STRANGER WITH HIS COUNTRY 

But like the movie tries to get you to agree with the line of thinking, that Boromir is about himself and doing it to glorify himself. take THIS SCENE

You know the one, that shot in Rivendell and Boromir is exploring on his own and casually picks up the sword, you know THE SWORD and kinda low key plays with it for a hot minute- you know, the way you walk by the nerf swords at a walmart and you pick one up to wack your bro with it, but then you remember you’re 23 and he’s 18 and taller than you now so he’ll beat the shit out of you if you start shit. But anyways, Boromir picks up the sword and cuts his finger, is amazed that its still sharp, and then puts it back only to have it teeter off and he walks away quickly like nothing happened. If you’re a small brain critic you’ll see this scene and say “Ah yes, in picking up Narsil Boromir displays a desire for power for himself, and in cutting his finger it shows that this desire is his ultimate demise. He might think he’s ready for power and deserves more, but by walking away he shows that he’s actually irresponsible guffaw” I demand you go back and read that in your guadiest accent. But hear me out. Remember that nerf sword you picked up in the toy aisle, instead of being the grimlin you know you are deep in your soul, you take a few practice swings for your audition fantasy and put it back and start walking away just to realize that the walmart employee had been watching you the whole time and the whole bin of plastic and foam swords comes tumbling down bring with it a Hot Wheels track and collectible cars, and you just look at the employee, and they just look at you, and then you brain just short circuits  and so you keep walking down the aisle away and laugh cry across the store because you don’t know what the fuck just happened. And thtas the energy that scene gives to me.

But I’m getting away from it all because the real arguement against the way this scene is framed is one question he poses right before he attacks Frodo:

“What could not Aragorn do?”  ( The Fellowship of the Ring 389). 

He makes a big speech here about Frodo giving up the ring, but he doesn’t talk about him using it himself, instead he wonders, What would Aragorn be capable of?

Does that sound like a question someone crazed with a drive for power would ask?

I don’t think so

Why even mention Aragorn if he wanted it for himself right?

We’re dissect the fuck out it in the next part don’t you worry.

I think I’m almost done

[jtsodergren]

The Best of 2019

2019, what an exceptional year for movies! A great way to close out the shittiest decade! Here are the 50 best films I saw this year... click on the title to go to the IMDB page, and I’ll try to post a link to where you can see many of them. Also for the first time this year, I’m including MOM WARNINGS! My mom reads this list and sometimes actually watches these movies... so to save her some grief, sadness, or general concern for my psyche, there will be a NOT FOR MOMS!! warning where applicable... here we go!

50. STAR WARS - EPISODE IX: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (Amazon)

People really hated this movie... I actually really liked it! Aside from the horses running around on the outside of spaceships (which makes no fucking sense... didn’t Leia get all space frozen exactly one movie ago??), it was a satisfying conclusion to a franchise I guess I don’t really care about as much as other people, so I was into it!

49. JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM (Amazon)

Quickly becoming one of the more well produced action franchises of all time. Probably two too many machine gun shootouts in this one for me (I get a little exhausted with gun violence), but the hand-to-hand stuff is brilliant and bloody and badass! Not to mention the deepening of the mythology and Halle Berry and her dogs. It’s a fun time, a welcome addition to the series, and I can’t wait for number 4.

48. QUEEN & SLIM (Amazon)

Billed as the black BONNIE AND CLYDE and from first time feature director Melina Matsoukas, this atmospheric tragedy is gorgeous to look at, delivers a pair of standout lead performances, and proves to have one of the more stressful final 30min of any of the films I saw this year, even if you know the inevitable conclusion is just around the corner.

47. UNDER THE SILVER LAKE (Amazon PRIME)

A wild Los Angeles noir story from the director of IT FOLLOWS. Plays like if David Lynch directed THE BIG LEBOWSKI, a weird, screwball whodunit. It’s a little long, and there are so many loose ends that seem to be thrown in just to fuck with the protagonist (and the audience), but it’s a really fun time and you’ll want to stay to the end to see it all play out. LA looks gorgeous too.

46. KNOCK DOWN THE HOUSE (Netflix)

Truly inspiring. Really shows how if you put your mind to something, believe in yourself and that you can make a difference, you can accomplish anything. Regardless of your political leanings, or how you feel about AOC personally, this is well worth your time and it has a great message for young people, especially those young women of color who might not think they can achieve great levels of success. It made me cry the happy tears.

45. LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT (Amazon)

Best known for it’s remarkable 59min-3D final take, this hallucinatory journey through memory and dreams is mind-blowing and breathtaking. Hard not to leave this one feeling like you’ve been put though some kind of experiment that you don’t fully understand, but you’ll want to experience again. Highly recommended if you have access to 3D, or simply have some killer edibles and want to be thrown for a loop.

44. CLIMAX (Amazon PRIME)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

Speaking of being under the influence, holy shit is this film nuts! From Gaspar Noe, who if you’re aware of his work, you kind of already know what you’re in store for here. It’s been described as “FAME directed by the Marquis de Sade”... incredible dance sequences and audacious camerawork that slowly but surely devolves into hell. It’s a blast!

43. HAIL SATAN? (Hulu)

A fresh and funny documentary about a group of smartass Satanists exposing the hypocrisy amongst bible-thumping Christians who’d rather stomp their feet and be the loudest in the room than listen to anyone else’s perspective. Frustrating and entertaining in equal parts, this compulsively watchable film makes you want to scream at these Jesus freaks as much as you want to laugh along with the antics of these harmless, intelligent and organized troublemakers. An excellent time well spent.

42. FIRST LOVE (Amazon)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

Director Takashi Miike’s yakuza action-comedy is the most accessible of his films I’ve seen (he’s now made more than 100 movies, which is insane), but that doesn’t mean it’s not a gonzo wild time at the movies. The violence is here in full force, but unlike AUDITION or ICHI THE KILLER, you don’t need a barf bag close by to enjoy it. It’s often hilarious and moves at a breakneck speed. Super fun!

41. THE DEAD DON’T DIE (Amazon PRIME)

Jim Jarmusch’s star-studded, droll zombie-comedy came and went from theaters without much fanfare, but provided me with plenty of laughs. It’s also the second of 3 Adam Driver vehicles to be on this year’s list. Bill Murray and Driver lead the way along with plenty familiar faces in cameos throughout (including the RZA in one of my favorite scene’s of the year). Classic Jarmusch... a meditation on death and mortality in his vintage style.

40. EL CAMINO: A BREAKING BAD MOVIE (Netflix)

Dude, Aaron Paul is a legit GREAT actor. Picks up right where the show left off, and I was on the edge of my seat and filled with anxiety just like I was during the best moments of the now classic series. It was good to hang out with my old friends again.

39. DOCTOR SLEEP (Amazon)

A box office flop due to poor promotion and a title people weren’t familiar with, this sequel to THE SHINING is based on the Stephen King book of the same name, which I read, and I can’t recommend it more. Great suspense, and fantastic performances from both Ewan McGregor and (especially) Rebecca Ferguson. It’s a dark and scary film that is a fun trip back to the Overlook Hotel... provided you wish to return there...

38. THE LAST BLACK MAN IN SAN FRANCISCO (Amazon PRIME)

About 90min into this beautifully shot film I was ready to lock it in as a possible Top 5 contender. Then the bottom fell out for me the last quarter of the movie and lost my confidence. No bother, it’s still wonderful enough to find a spot on the list and carry my recommendation. Young men and women watching their city change before their eyes, and wondering what the concept of “home” really means is a real challenge facing many people here in the Bay Area. This film does a fantastic job conveying that, for most of the film anyway. 

37. THE PEANUT BUTTER FALCON (Amazon)

A bonafide crown-pleaser of a movie, and another example of the true talent Shia LeBeouf has and is capable of (more on him later). A young man with Down Syndrome escapes his assisted-living facility to track down his wrestling idol the Saltwater Redneck with the help of an outlaw and a social worker. Sweet, funny, and heartfelt... a feel good surprise.

36. A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD (Amazon)

I didn’t cry nearly as much as I did during the excellent documentary WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR from last year, but if you’re a Mr. Rogers fan, you’ll still shed a few during this heartwarming film. Tom Hanks does his thing, and even though this movie is guilty of borrowing a little too much from the previous doc, it’s still a great showcase for the truly selfless and beautiful force of nature that Fred Rogers was. Bring tissues anyway.

35. CARMINE STREET GUITARS (In Theaters Now)

A love letter to both New York City and the art, joy, and love that goes into honing and maintaining one’s craft. Meanwhile the looming doom of gentrification hovers over the proceedings, never letting you get fully enrapt in the sweetness that these artists (and their many famous customers) exude when talking about and playing their one-of-a-kind works of art. A stunning and lovely piece for musicians and talentless fans of music alike.

34. HOLIDAY (Amazon)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

A tough, cold film with nary a character to actively root for... until after about an hour of icy behavior comes (no pun intended) a scene so shocking in its graphic and disturbing nature, people left the theater without staying for the final resolution. First time director Isabella Eklof pulls off the bold and audacious maneuver, all while making it seem like she doesn’t care whether you like her characters (or her film) at all. It’s a very fine balancing act, executed to perfection. But be warned... it’s rough.

33. AVENGERS: ENDGAME (Disney+)

What can I say? You saw it. It’s good. A bunch of Supermans fly around and blow shit up. A satisfying end (until the next 20 films).

32. MIDSOMMAR (Amazon Prime)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

A disturbing slow burn of a gothic horror film. Characters do hallucinogens while ritualistic religious murders and tribal mating practices threaten to ruin everyones existence. Florence Pugh is phenomenal (more from her in a minute) in a very trying roll. Doesn’t pack quite the punch of the director’s last film, HEREDITARY, but it’s still well worth the watch. But yeah, it’s disturbing.

31. APOLLO 11 (Hulu)

A fascinating look at the first moon landing from rarely seen archival footage and audio. Seeing it on the IMAX screen was intense and exhilarating, unlike narrative pictures like the severely overrated FIRST MAN. This isn’t my favorite documentary of the year, but it is an absolute lock to win the Academy Award for Best Doc of 2019. It’s a must see, a must experience.

30. HIGH LIFE (Amazon PRIME)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

French auteur Claire Denis’ bizarre, erotic sci-fi mindfuck about isolation and humanity is not for everyone, but is a brilliant take on the genre, and is yet another showcase for Robert Pattinson, who is quietly becoming one of my favorite working actors. Juliette Binoche also is on fire here and has what one critic calls “the single greatest one-person sex scene in the history of cinema.” So it has that going for it.

29. TRIPLE FRONTIER (Netflix)

A fully loaded heist film with no real bad guy, but instead a group of recognizable badasses in a Netflix-released action thrill ride. There’s absolutely no reason this should’ve worked, or even been half as good as it is, but boy is it good! Compulsively watchable, and rewatchable. If this were on Showtime as much as DEN OF THIEVES is I’d have seen it 30 times by now. It’s one of the most pleasant surprises of the year.

28. 1917 (Amazon)

An unbelievable visual achievement from cinematographer Roger Deakins and director Sam Mendes. The story isn’t the greatest war story ever told (are there great war stories?), but it’s shot to look like one continuous long take, sustained for 2hrs. It’s really an unbelievable feat, but doesn’t come off as gimmicky or distracting. It’s intense, beautifully staged, and sad. A big screen spectacle. 

27. TOY STORY 4 (Amazon)

Woody and the gang are back, and the films continue to keep the dust from collecting. It’s still so much fun to hang out with this group of misfit toys. There was talk that after the incredible TOY STORY 3 this was just a money grab and was labeled unnecessary, but I found it to be a sweet, charming, and nostalgic trip I was glad I took.

26. HONEYLAND (Hulu)

My pick for documentary of the year comes from the mountains of Macedonia, where a woman named Hatidze lives with her dying mother making a living cultivating honey. When a family of shitheads moves into a shanty next door, what seems like a fix for her lonely existence becomes catastrophic as they disregard her teachings and threaten her livelihood. I was an emotional wreck throughout the experience and it goes without saying it’s a must-see. Gorgeous and heartbreaking.

25. LITTLE WOMEN (Amazon)

I have never read the book, nor seen any of the film adaptations, so I went in blind to this lovely film. Director Greta Gerwig follows up the phenomenal LADYBIRD with this Altman-esque rendition of the widely beloved literary classic. I found it exceptional in its execution and performances, including the previously mentioned Florence Pugh, who is a knockout. A wonderful addition to the ever-growing stable of Christmas films I look to enjoy during future Decembers.

24. GREENER GRASS (Hulu)

It’s as if Tim & Eric made BLUE VELVET. Bizarre, outrageous, gross, and a guaranteed future midnight movie favorite. My sides hurt. A satire skewering upper-middle class suburban soccer moms and dads alike. Babies are given away. A boy turns into a dog. Everyone has braces. There’s a creep on the loose. It’s wild and flat-out hilarious literally from start to finish. Almost too many jokes to keep up with. Watch it! Bring weed. 

23. RELAXER (Amazon)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

Speaking of gross, this film is disgusting, but in a good way. A satire about lazy consumerism and self-destruction. It’s a short hang, thankfully, but if you can stomach it to the end (remember, it’s nasty) you’ll be rewarded with not only a hilarious dark comedy, but also an unexpected haymaker of sadness you didn’t see coming. It’s a pretty impressive feat, and an overall success. But, yeah, it’s fucking gross. 

22. AD ASTRA (Amazon)

APOCALYPSE NOW in space starring Brad Pitt. If you need more information than that, I don’t really know what else to do for you. 

21. SLUT IN A GOOD WAY (Amazon PRIME)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

A black-and-white raunchy French arthouse teen comedy that gives a middle finger to the double standard set by the equally raunchy teen-boys-will-be-boys genre. It’s so much fun, and honest, and the actors are such natural talents you forget the subject matter is at times shocking (only because of said double standard) and just go with it. I think it’s just wonderful. Seek it out!

20. US (HBO)

Jordan Peele’s excellent follow-up to GET OUT. Doppelganger home invasion terror with a killer twist. To describe more would be to risk giving something away. I’ll just say that Lupita Nyong’o is my pick to win her second Oscar, this time as Best Actress, here in a dual role. She’s incredible. If you haven’t seen it, try to go in blind, you’ll be rewarded.

19. THE FAREWELL (Amazon PRIME)

A heartfelt homecoming film about family, culture, and how the things we don’t say can be just as strong of a show of love as the things we do say. It’s sweet, tender, and bursting with personal flare and emotions from director Lulu Wang. Awkwafina also curbs her more manic and loud tendencies as a performer for more quiet, thoughtful, and somber choices. She’s phenomenal. 

18. KNIVES OUT (Amazon)

A clever ensemble whodunit that’s just as funny and smart as it is mysterious. Everyone across the board delivers as the assorted motley crew. The film rewards repeat viewings and Daniel Craig knocks it out of the park, stealing every scene he’s in, reminding us all what a fantastic actor he can be when he’s not sipping the Vespers. 

17. BOOKSMART (Hulu)

The female SUPERBAD is the elevator pitch, but this coming-of-age gem is really unlike any other example in the genre. They’re privileged, uber-smart, and have never partied. Yet they have the same neuroses as any other teen scared to death of what to do next or how to be normal. It’s also fucking hilarious. You wanna hang out with these girls and at the same time bury your head under the covers because you feel their pure terror/embarrassment. It’s a blast.

16. THE MUSTANG (Amazon)

Starring Matthias Schoenaerts, one of the finest actor’s working today, this understated and emotional drama about rehabilitation and redemption floored me upon first viewing. It is a gorgeous film. You’ve probably seen stories similar to this before, but rarely is one told with such compelling conviction. A borderline masterpiece. 

15. HONEY BOY (Amazon PRIME)

Remember a few years back we had the McConaissance, where everything Matthew McConaughey did was solid gold after years of middling bullshit? I’m calling it right now: Shia LaBeouf is about to have the same thing. He wrote the script and plays a version of his own father in a brutal version of his own fucked up childhood as an up-and-coming child actor. It’s heartbreaking and absolutely riveting. I’m hoping he gets an Oscar nod, but regardless I implore you to seek this film out, he’s incredible. 

14. MONOS (Hulu)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

A bizarre, bewildering, chaotic, and unsettling film. Some of the most beautiful photography I saw on the big screen this year, yet some of the most surreal and disturbing imagery as well. It’s a militarized, Latin American LORD OF THE FLIES with commentary on tribal behavior and violence. It can be a tough sit, but boy is it beautiful. 

13. DOLEMITE IS MY NAME (Netflix)

What a wonderful, welcome surprise! Eddie Murphy in an awards caliber performance as Rudy Ray Moore, the multi-hyphenate performer who created the alter ego Dolemite, spawning a film franchise and many legendary comedy albums. It’s obviously hilarious, and a great behind-the-scenes biopic, but also shockingly sweet and heartfelt, even between all the cuss words. I even teared up a couple times. The 3rd best thing Netflix released this year (more on that in a minute).

12. JOKER (Amazon)

You already saw this.

11. THE IRISHMAN (Netflix)

It’s far too long. It could’ve done with being cut as a three part miniseries or special. There’s about 45min worth of scenes that are quintessential DVD bonus features (I’m looking at you Action Bronson), but goddamn if it’s not Scorsese doing his Scorsese thing. It’s a gangster film, but it’s also a meditation on aging and death. Pesci is incredible and Pacino steals the show. Sure, the de-aging thing is distracting, the curb stomping scene is embarrassing. But still, I mean... IT’S MARTIN SCORSESE!

10. PAIN AND GLORY (Amazon)

Pedro Almodovar’s most personal work to date, a tale about making art and the loneliness of love. If you are unfamiliar with his work, this is a great jumping off point. His movies can be challenging and dark, but this film has such joy and hope amongst the heartache. The final reveal, while not earth shattering on paper, is nonetheless so moving it left the screening I attended without a dry eye in the place. It is his best film yet. 

9. THE LIGHTHOUSE (Amazon)

From the director of THE WITCH comes another type of gothic horror, this time with the legendary Willem Dafoe and the (already mentioned) brilliant Robert Pattinson marooned on a lighthouse rock alone to drive each other completely insane. It’s hallucinatory, violent, disorienting, and flat-out brilliant. If it weren’t for another guy we’ll get to in a minute, Dafoe would be a lock for Best Supporting Actor here. It’s a slightly challenging film, with the period style mariner dialogue, but it’s just as funny as it is terrifying.

8. JOJO RABBIT (Amazon)

A beautiful, touching, funny, crowd-pleasing comedy about a little Nazi whose imaginary friend is Hitler. Yep, your read that correctly. There are about a million reasons this should absolutely not work. Yet, it’s one of the best theater going experiences I had this year. A must see... ESPECIALLY with Mom!

7. MARRIAGE STORY (Netflix)

The best written and acted film of the year, and the third Adam Driver vehicle to appear here. Sad but honest. Touching but brutal. It’s awkward and a bit of a bummer, but there’s such great work being done here, in front of and behind the camera. Noah Baumbach is a force of nature, and has yet to make a film I was even iffy about. He’s the real deal and this might be his masterpiece. 

6. WAVES (Amazon)

Speaking of auteurs, Trey Edward Shults is now 3/3 on features after the brilliant KRISHA and IT COMES AT NIGHT. Here he follows a middle-class black family, led by a domineering father, through a tragic moment in all of their lives. The first half deals with the son’s story, then abruptly switches to the daughter’s life post said event. It shouldn’t work, yet somehow manages to be one of the most emotionally affecting pieces of art I saw this year. The camera never stops moving, constantly swirling and whirling and you can’t help to be sucked up into it. It’s a beautiful tragedy.

5. LONG SHOT (HBO)

The biggest and most pleasant surprise of the year. An opposites-attract rom-com with more brains, bite, social commentary, and laughs than it has any right to have. Easily the most fun you’ll have with (almost) the whole family... there’s a lot of cum jokes. But don’t let the vulgarity dissuade you! It’s a total riot with just the right amount of sweetness to balance out the saltiness. I love love love this movie.

4. THE ART OF SELF-DEFENSE (Hulu)

What starts as a strange, dark comedy morphs into a FIGHT CLUB-esque thriller with allusions to disturbingly toxic masculinity and an offbeat take on what it takes to “be a man.” It is laugh-out-loud hilarious, and expertly made, while really having something to say, and it says it in a way I’ve never really seen before. It’s not surprising this didn���t get more attention, the characters are truly difficult to relate to, let alone root for, but as far as originality goes, you’d be hard pressed to find anything this year much better than this. 

3. UNCUT GEMS (Amazon)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

The cinematic equivalent of being locked in the brain of a lunatic having a cocaine-fueled anxiety attack. If that sounds like fun (AND IT IS!!!) then this is the film for you! Oh, and Adam Sandler is going to be nominated for an Oscar for Best Actor. For real. It’s a chaotic, stress-filled masterpiece.

2. ONCE UPON A TIME... IN HOLLYWOOD (Amazon)

My favorite filmmaker’s 2nd best film. A personal story about the love of film during the late 60s, a time of dirty hippies and Charles Manson, as well as the passing of the torch from old Hollywood to the “golden age” of cinema. It’s a fairytale of sorts, with Tarantino’s trademark flare for spontaneous violence and mining multiple genres to make his most mature work since PULP FICTION. I’ve been rewarded with new takeaways upon each subsequent viewing, and my love and appreciation for it only grows and grows. Brad Pitt is a lock for Best Supporting Actor, he’s magnificent. It was always going to be my #1 with a bullet no matter what, because it’s just that great...

1. PARASITE (Amazon)

...but then Bong Joon-ho, the master of new Korean cinema unleashed PARASITE. Not only is it the best film of 2019, it’s one of the best films I have ever seen. Like EVER ever. He is in such astonishing control of his craft it’s hard not to sit back and marvel and the sheer skill on display. You can be laughing one moment and then recoiling in horror during the same breath. He’s using multiple genre tropes, incredible set design, pitch perfect acting/writing, and such exquisite planning you can’t possibly know what’s in store for you from one scene to the next. It is an absolute masterpiece and if it doesn’t sweep every category it’s nominated for at this year’s Oscars, it’ll be a travesty. If you have even a passing interest in film as an art form, the power it can wield, and the messages it can convey, you owe it to yourself to see this film. It’s perfect.

Well, there it is. Thanks for reading any part of this. Now go see PARASITE. I love you.

[phantomphangphucker]

A Life Of Role Playing Weakness - PhannieMay - Day 14 D & D

Summary: What’s a halfa to do when school is on lockdown and everyone’s bored? Games and trickery.

Most of the class groans as they can tell the sun has set by the room becoming near pitch black. Though pretty well everyone’s glad Mr. Lancer got stuck outside of class, otherwise he would have spent the afternoon making them do school work.

Danny, knowing full well no one else can actually see, finds some candles and sneakily lights them with his fingers. Unfortunately, there’s only three but most of the class seems relieved to have them, “took you long enough Fenton”. Rolling his eyes at Kwan, “like you would have been any faster, at least I was actually doing something”. Danny honestly could have found them way faster but that would have been suspicious. Groaning a bit at the window, though the groan was more aimed at the extreme weather outside, that has caused the school lockdown and blackout. Sure he could technically just leave, but due to the schools' security system, all the doors and windows are sealed shut. The only way out would be to phase out and that would be so many levels beyond suspicious.

Clearly, a couple geeks are tired of Star and Lily bickering, “why don’t we play a game? You know, actually get along? For one night?”.

“Oh why would we do that when it’s more fun to annoy you losers?”, Danny rolls his eyes at Todd, sure he’s not as bad as Dash but still.

Apparently, the geek kid, James, isn’t very impressed either, “I’d rather get destroyed by stupid wind while having fun, than getting mocked by some meathead”. Danny’s not really sure how insulting the guy will get him to play games but whatever.

Deciding to interfere, “what game? Ain’t nobody going to play if no one knows what’s up. And if you say truth or dare even I will mock you”.

“Oh like you even know how to mock someone, Fenton. But yeah whatever, spill”, Danny muffles his snickering because he could out mock this guy easily. Half his fights involved mocking the opponent, eighty percent if it was Vlad.

The other geek kid, Tyler, rummages through his bag and pulls out what looks like a board game, “well, someone made a D & D ghost edition. Because this is Amity, got figures and everything”. Tyler is smirking as even Danny knows that anything ghosts gets pretty much every Amity teens attention. And Danny is honestly so down for this too, he will die if there’s a figure like him in this thing.

Flopping on his back as there is indeed a little crystal clear figure that, while mostly featureless, looks suspiciously like Phantom. Finger gun shooting himself in the head before pointing at the board, while still laying on the ground, “ok, I’m in”. Seems everyone else agrees while looking at the collection of ghostly figures.

Unsurprisingly, pretty well only the geeks know anything about this game. And no one’s interested in long explanations. So they just give a quick run down of classes and alignments. But having to pull out the book and read over it quickly for species, since this was an entirely ghosts and humans version.

Danny snickers, “chaotic good undying warlock suits me I’d say”. Really Danny only picked that because of the undying bit, the joke was there so he had to take it. And chaotic good pretty much was him, no way he could call himself lawful. Not when his very existence was against the laws of nature and reality themselves.

James tosses down a shorthand species sheet, “I’m surprised they actually made so many ghost species, so take your pick”.

Species:

Ghost - versatile but never the strongest

Ghoul - aggressive close and personal fighters

Spirit - gentle divine creatures, usually lawful

Spector - sneaky loners, like to appear highly intelligent.

Poltergeist - aggressive powerful fighters, always evil. Large but often invisible.

Whisp - tricksters but powerful with magic, always chaotic good. Small in size

Wraith - protective, unattractive and often feared by others

Banshee - prophetic strong healers

Phantom - selfless guardians who care for others, always good.

Danny obviously wants to pick the Phantom class but apparently, no gets to be that, as James taps on that class and snickers, “considering this is Amity, Phantom isn’t going to be a playable species otherwise half of you guys will pick that”. Danny sticks out his arms, “oh come on, if anyone should get that species it should be the guy with the same first name!”. A few of the other kids snicker and even James shrugs in amusement but, “can’t just let one person pick it. That would be a dick move”. Danny rolls his eyes but is thoroughly amused, seeing as he’s almost about to graduate and literally no one has figured out who exactly he is, he’s kind of stopped caring about going out of his way to hide shit. Heck, he’s tempted to just randomly clue in his classmates through various absurd means. At least now the government can’t even touch him, they wanted to be on “safe footing” with the ghost king even if they still have no clue who exactly that is. All they know is that he’s frequently in the human world and capable of taking the form of a regular human. Danny’s perfectly content to let them think that ability is unique to the Ghost King.

Shaking his head and looking down to the sheet, Whisp and Wraith are the only ones that stand out to him but trickster is much more in line with himself and would be much more amusing. And he’s not really surprised that no one picks regular ghost, “well Whisp it is for me. A chaotic Whispy Warlock that just can not fucking die already”.

“Dude, that’s not what undying means here”

“No shit, let me have my jokes”, besides undying warlocks get their magic from immortals right? Well this character was made by a damn immortal, given creation and thus power from Phantoms immortal ass.

Lily rolls the weird dice in her fingers, “so what? We roll for stat points now?”. While Rex eyes Danny up and down, “you picked the smallest class but you’re the tallest guy here. Did you just pick everything to be funny?”. Danny smirks wide, not why he picked the species but absolutely. Everything about him is practically one big joke, Hell he’s playing a board game with a bunch of regular humans while pretending to be trapped during a storm. He could literally fly through this weather and it would be fun too. He could also stop it if he really wanted to, use his ice to mess with the weather and air currents; but fucking around that much really wasn’t a good idea.

“Yup, roll three dice. Total stat point of three is the worst you could get, eighteen is the highest. Ten or eleven is the average. All the regular human npc’s are tens”, Danny’s not surprised Todd went with Ghoul. He might not be that big of a guy but man could he ever be an aggressive asshole to pretty much everyone. Speaking of asshole, “Fenton, your turn. What? your brain still fried from that weak little shock?”.

Turning to Todd and answering as he throws dice, “you know I underplayed that shit right? Didn’t want to deal with damn doctors, no way anyone would have let me out of going to the hospital if they had known it was closer to four billion than a hundred volts”. Smirking at Todd, “just for reference, a lightning bolt is around one billion. Your wall socket, that I’m sure you rammed forks into for kicks, is about a hundred and twenty”.

“Ok first off, you suck with dice, second how the hell aren’t you dead then?”, James clearly thinks Danny’s bullshitting and the sad thing is, the portal was probably more volts than that. Who knows what the volt readout for the entirety of a dimension colliding inside one tiny body is. Danny finishes rolling as he talks, “I’m not dead? Well, that’s news to me”.

Star elbows him, she’s become oddly friendly even flirty over the past year. Danny’s pretty well positive it’s because of his height and even if he wore baggy clothing pretty well always, if you really looked you could tell he wasn’t scrawny. Star’s got an eye for details so he can’t be too surprised and she’s perfectly fine with dating below her standing, Hell she dated Tucker of all people. “What even happened? Pretty sure you never told anyone”.

Rolling his eyes at her, “no one cared to ask. But if you must know a ghost portal opened up directly on top of me. There’s no real way to know just how much shocked me but I’m pretty sure an entire dimension carries more volts than one lightning bolt”.

Danny’s the only one to notice the straight up shit roll of his last dice as everyone gapes at him. Tyler’s the first to speak up, “you were electrocuted by the ghost zone?! Like all of it?! At once?! You should be a lot more than dead!”. Danny throws his head back and laughs, “what? Dead with a side of extra dead sauce?! Sounds like the perfect breakfast!”. Shaking his head as he continues talking, while catching James staring in bafflement at the dice, “sounds way more edible than those stupid ecto-contaminated Hot Dogs that try to eat you back! Or that damn overcooked turkey that stabbed me with a knife”.

Kwan mouths “what the fuck”, while James points at Danny, “dude, your luck is horrendous. I’m not even sure how you even get the worst stats possible. No wonder a portal opened up on you, I think the universe might actually hate you”, glancing at Danny who has curled up in laughter, “I don’t think it’s quite that funny though”. Danny can’t help but laugh harder, the king of ghosts, the most powerful ghost around, who’s literally worshiped as a god by some; is the weakest and shittiest ghost in this game. Like Boxy could beat this guys ass. That thought makes him laugh even harder. Wiping his eyes a bit and noticing that everyone actually looks slightly concerned know, “trust me, this is utterly hilarious. You just don’t know why! Oh man!”. Wheezing in laughter again, “now watch, the rest of my rolls will be so insanely good that I impossibly succeed at everything my character does”.

Kwan points at him, “with these awful stats you damn well better, otherwise you’re screwed”.

“I think the stats reflect Fenton perfectly. Weak and pathetic!”, Danny really can’t feel insulted because it’s just really funny right now. Todd is clearly not happy that Danny finds this funny instead of insulting, or that Star is mouthing, “are you blind?”, at Todd.

“How can you possibly find being insulted funny?”, comes Rex’s squeaky voice. Danny runs a hand through his hair, “insults are funny when they’re so insanely incorrect that it becomes absurd”.

Todd rolls his eyes at Danny, “you’re a complete weakling and a scaredy cat, just like al-”, Todd cuts himself off as he stares at Danny. Who just tore off his sweater, because this is way too funny. Chances are if he ever gets destroyed, it will be because he couldn’t resist a good joke. Danny smirks a bit as he nonchalantly flexes without doing any dumb poses, because he does have some shame. While everyone just stares at the clearly ripped and heavily scarred weirdest member of the weirdo trio.

“Todd, I could fucking maim you. I could maim the whole damn football team. But that wouldn’t be very good of me, now would it?”, tapping on his character sheet with a sly smirk.

“How the hell do you look like that man? And why don’t you just join the team then? Actually have good social standing?”, Danny can’t really blame Kwan for caring about that sort of thing. After all, being a jock was pretty well the guys' life and he wasn’t burdened with crazy weird responsibilities or power for that matter.

Responding mostly to Todd’s little insults, “I come from a family of ghost hunters, what the hell do you think? That scaredy cat crap is just a cover. Which is rather pointless now, what with graduation coming up and all the teachers not really giving a shit about my crap now”, aggressively pointing his finger at Kwan while the others finish rolling, “I don’t care for sports and my time is better spent elsewhere. Social standing in Highschool means nothing to me”.

Now it’s Tyler’s turn to look incredulously at the stupid powerful halfa, “why are you even telling us this?”.

“Because it’s funny. I picked a jokester species for a reason. I’m a little shit and this is one way I get my kicks. That and no one will believe you if you tell. So it really doesn’t matter. Even if you were believed, it would hardly matter. It’s too late for the school to really do anything and I really am someone of chaos. I will only laugh harder if the whole school starts freaking out”, Danny can tell he’s confusing everyone and that is only making him snickering more. So he takes the chance for first dibs on a figure, a transparent floating skinny man in a hooded robe with his legs crossed. Looks a shit ton like ClockWork, snickering “now if only he had a staff”. This prompts everyone else to realise what he did and to start snatching at figures, while Rex gives him a shy but quizzical look. So Danny decides to be more of a confusing mess to these regular mortals, “he looks like a close friend of mine. And this makes my horrid stats even funnier because my friend is flat out OP. His tricky ass will get a good laugh out of this I’m sure”.

“Uh, humans aren’t really OP, ever, are you friends with a freaking ghost? You’re damn weird enough to be the person who befriends some ghost. And what? You going to talk his ear off about actually hanging out with people other than the two other resident freaks for once?”, Todd’s tone goes from confused questioning to his typical insulting asshole mode. So Danny decides to be a bit of an ass right back, “Todd, my friend is an omniscient borderline god of a ghost. I don’t have to tell him, he already knows and is probably snickering like crazy right now. But of course you don’t believe me, why would you? Which is why he’ll either A, do nothing to make me the butt of a joke. Or B, do something to make you the butt of a joke. That, or he’ll hit me with his staff to do both at once”. Honestly Danny’s kind of looking for approval and pretty well a go-ahead from the master of time here, he’d like to know he’s not majorly fucking up just because he’s having a bit of fun.

Everyone’s staring at him in disbelief and he can tell Todd wants to mock him some more but Danny falling back laughing stops him. Holding the figure, which now has a little tiny glowing CW staff resting across its lap, above his face. Through a laugh, “fucking nice, you enigmatic weirdo”. Sitting back up as he places the figure on the board, “and now he’s got a staff”.

“Nice trick, maybe you can-”, Lily cuts Todd off, “dumb boy, pretty sure he doesn’t carry around mini glowing staff things. No ones that weird”. She’s not wrong, why would someone ever do that anyway? Well, ClockWork might, just to throw them at him. After all, he’s got all the time in the world to mess around, when he can anyway. Just like Danny, though Danny takes way more mess around time.

Tyler shakes his head, “something tells me, we barely know you”. Danny pats Tyler on the shoulder while James actually gets the game started, “so we’re doing this party style, just a dungeon crawl. Get through the city without getting caught by hunters and defeat the ghost king”. This makes Danny cough a bit startled, the goal of this game is for his classmates and him to defeat, himself? Well, he guesses that’s not really a first for him. “Hey, James. Who does this game think the ghost king is?”, everyone looks a bit confused at him. Then James grabs one of the figures, Danny can’t help but laugh at the little knock-off Pariah figure. “Well that’s a damn easy battle currently then! Dude’s locked inside the sarcophagus of forever sleep. So we’re beating up a sleeping man, or releasing him just to fight him. Which is grade A stupid and insane”, waving off their shocked glances, “besides he’s not even the ghost king”.

“Oh and you know who is? We could just swap out if there’s a figure for him. All the figures have set stats for if you’re going to use them as NPC’s”, now Danny’s just flat out interested, because that includes him. Danny motions for the book but James sticks it behind him, “oh Hell no, just tell us who”.

Rolling his eyes, “I’m just going to take the book, dude. I do want I wanna, chaotic and all that”.

“Fenton, he’s literally right across from you. How you plan to do that?”, Todd snickers a bit while James looks smug. Danny decides just fuck it at this point, because really how has no one noticed his crap yet. Using the free-floating ectoplasm in the air to fling the book over Jame’s head and at himself, flipping through it as everyone gapes. “How did you even do that? That’s more than just sleight of hand, holy shit”, Danny blinks at them over the top of the book and snickers, realising none of them actually noticed the slight ghostly glowing. Comparing his and Pariah’s page and damn they made Phantom overpowered. Sure, that’s accurate but, uh, even if everyone had freaky high stats this doesn’t seem winnable. Why the heck put a nearly undefeatable character in a board game? Sure it was accurate to real life but still. Though making Pariah just barely above half Phantoms strength was majorly underestimating the former king. Like insanely so. And did they seriously make a Walker look-alike stronger than Pariah? The tornado “race” too? Putting the book down, “yeah I don’t think we want to do that. The goal here is to actually win right? Not just have everybody’s asses get universally kicked”.

Lily puts her hands on her hips, “just spill already. You satiated your curiosity now do ours”.

Chuckling a bit as he pushes around the figures some, “fine fine, it really should be obvious though”. Smirking as he cups the little knock-off Phantom before slowly placing him at the castle, “our little town hero is a lot busier than he seems”. Literally all of them are grinning, though Star looks a bit confused, “so why do ghosts keep coming here and picking fights with Phantom. If he’s their king shouldn’t they, like, listen to him?”.

“Fighting is how ghosts socialise, know each other, and keep each other from getting rusty. The only way ghosts won't go picking fights with another ghost is if that ghost is hated or extremely annoying to literally everyone. Well, that or just being really dumb and pointless to fight”.

“So what Phantom’s not strong enough to be pointless to fight? Really Fenton”, Danny rolls his eyes at Todd’s unimpressed tone. Shaking his head, “oh the stats this book gives him are accurate. He’s pretty well the most powerful ghost there is. An omnipotent immortal who’s literally worshipped as a god by many other ghosts. All those fights are usually more like sparring matches, he’s having his ghostly fun and keeping in touch with everyone. He’d be so very bored otherwise and the other ghosts wouldn’t want him out of practice in case something happens”.

Todd actually starts laughing at this while James does indeed decide to stick with using knock-off Pariah because damn. Todd points at Danny, “of course Phantom likes hitting and fighting! Regular jock for sure, just with real power”.

“Well I don’t like that. He should be wanting ghosts to not come here, not eagerly, or whatever, awaiting the next fight”, Danny can’t help but jerk from that because dude fuck buddy. He absolutely did look forward to the next fight, fighting and witty batter was his bread and butter. Locking eyes with Tyler, “nearly every ghost awaits their next fight, welcome to ghost nature buddy. Humans go to cafes, ghosts punch each other. Humans show off pictures of their selfies or pets, ghosts show off new weapons by using them on each other. To fight is to socialise. Phantoms one of the few that doesn’t like others in the crossfire though. If ghosts stopped picking fights here, he’d feel unneeded and paranoid. Plus this is his home, ghosts have to come here to see him. Them being here doesn’t mean they’re causing problems”. Tyler still looks unimpressed.

There’s the occasional jokes and pepperings of ghost questions as they play a few turns before Lily has just about enough and finally asks Danny just what the fuck, “how do you even know all this shit? Even your parents, who’ve spent their whole lives researching ghosts, don’t know even half this shit. I would know, I’ve asked”. Danny chuckles, his parents would know this shit if they weren’t so damn biased and actually just asked. Smirking at her, “you learn this stuff by genuinely socialising and being friendly with ghosts. My parents only wish to send them back to the Zone or experiment. Of course, they don’t know”.

“That’s actually kind of sad, still doesn’t answer my main question though. You’re actually fighting ghosts?”, Danny will give her props on being pushy. But he rolls to see if he can avoid this random hunter trap before responding, smirking as it rolls high, “I spar yes, protect the citizens. Toss around witty banter, making Plasmius regret ever meeting me. In general, I’m an OP little shit”, Danny taps on his figure, that’s actually doing well for being an utter weakling, “that’s why this is funny. The strongest most capable person here has the utterly weakest character ever”.

“Capable ghost hunter isn’t a capable ghost, even if you’re a ghost friendly hunter”, Danny can’t help but wheeze. He was just a ghost being a ghost. Half human or not, he was sparing and socialising as a ghost does. Calling him a human hunting ghosts was just so entirely wrong. Smiling with his head in his hand, “I don’t call myself a hunter and neither do they”.

Kwan pushes him playfully, “yeah well, regardless of title, I still can’t believe you even do that. Props man, I guess”.

By the time the party gets to knock-off Pariah, both Lily and some quiet kid named Max have had their characters killed off. Danny’s snickering as his and Tyler’s characters are leading the face off. While James shakes his head and points his hand at the figures, “this is ridiculous even if you had raised your stats the most you possibly could, there’d still be no way to win this”. Danny chuckles because that’s pretty much what the odds were when he did face Pariah. Once again deciding fuck it, “well then let’s make this even more realistic then. I’ll roll to multiply my characters power a hundredfold”. James starts lowkey choking, “what?! How is that realistic?!”. Danny laughs as he rolls, “that’s how Phantom won. Multiplied his power a hundredfold and nearly destroyed himself in the process. This book drastically underestimates Pariah’s power. It took thirteen extremely powerful ancient ghosts just to seal him away, Phantom did it alone. Like the self-sacrificial idiot he is”. Shrugging, “well that and, no one else was even willing to fight Pariah cause he was too damn strong and wasn’t worth fighting”.

Smirking at his die showing a high ass number, while menacingly petting his figure, “having that much power... it’s a burden, isn’t it, child?”. James mouths, “what the fuck”, at both the die and Danny.

While Todd blinks a bit surprised, “Fenton, what? I would never have expected you to sound creepy, threatening, and powerful”. Danny grins wider, “and that’s why no one will believe you about any of this”.

Now, unfortunately, this battle with Pariah requires actually defeating him. No sealing him away, and his character is pathetically weak even at a hundredfold power. He could kick his own ass with his ghost powers completely neutralised. So it really surprised no one that Danny fuckin’ dies.

Snickering down at the figure, “little ragged around the edges, eh, child?”. Before bursting out laughing as the mini staff explodes into purple mist. Todd, Tyler, and Star do wind up surviving and winning though.

“So any other crazy bullshit you feel like pulling. Since we’re officially out of shit to do besides being dicks to each other”, James mutters while lying on the floor. Todd snickers, “I’m cool with that”. Danny rolls his eyes, “now-now, would you act like that in front of Phantom?”. Both Star and Todd shake their heads rapidly, only Todd speaks though, “why the hell would I? That guy’s like super moral, I’d be making a horrible impression”. Danny can’t help but laugh, yeah he’s definitely got strong morals but he’s also a little shit. He steals, pulls pranks, constantly breaks into to pretty much everywhere, and spends most of his time pounding the crap out of someone. Good reasons or no, he’s ain’t a golden boy. Just the good guy who generally plays fast and loose with morality... and mortality. Smirking at Todd, “it’s a little late to change his impression of you, I’d say. You’ve literally punched him in the face, multiple times actually”, Danny sneers mockingly but still humorously, at Todd looking startled, “oh what? Didn’t know Phantom can change into a regular human?”. Throwing his head back and laughing loudly, “funny thing! The town barely knows Phantom”. Danny sighs as his ghost sense goes off and well, surprise surprise, his icy breath also glows. Knowing full well it’s Skulker, who really is more of a threat, he has a bad tendency to abduct people after all.

“What the fuck was that?”, Danny completely ignores Tyler, though he does talk, “the town also barely knows Fenton. So you’re right about that, but looks like I’ve got a job to do. Guess Skulker doesn’t really care about the shit weather, but then again, neither do I. Flying in the wind is hella fun”. Smirking as his toxic green eyes fill the room with an eerie ghostly light, “anyways this has been quite amusing and like I said, I’m a little overpowered shit. And ain’t nobody gonna believe you”. Before transforming and phasing out the window.

“Fenton, Phantom. We are all idiots, holy shit”

End.