#Also thank you for the support I’ve been receiving on some of my old stuff?? omg- :’D

[bloos-bloo]

“We are the same, you and I”

I decided that I’m gonna do a doodle for every Epic song that reminds me of any of the bishops or lamb.

And yeah- I’m technically Shamura controls two followers to kill you- but what if they controlled the lamb and forced them to kill off their followers? Which is exactly what Shamura did to Emery :D Yippeeee- fucked up situations!

[joelsgoldrush]

“guilty pleasure” | 8.6k

worst!logan howlett x f!reader

SUMMARY: After saving Earth-10005 from impending disaster, Wade convinces Logan, the alcoholic and easily irritated mutant, to stick around for a while. He’s convinced that nothing good can come out of this experience, until he meets you: the charming bartender with a soft spot for swearing that matches his own. Suddenly, sticking around doesn’t seem so bad after all.

WARNINGS/TAGS: mdni - smut 18+ fluff. drinking. dirty talk. slow-burnish. grumpy!logan x sunshine!reader. reader is really kind but cracks a lot of jokes. age gap (25 vs 200 - they’re basically the same age). oral sex (f receiving). fingering. finger sucking. soft dom!logan. wade being the funniest asshole. logan calls reader "kiddo/kid”.

A/N: HI! first of all, i'd like to thank you for all the support you showed me on my recent post. let me just tell you that i’m LOVING writing for logan. but none of this would be possible without YOU, so yeah, i fucking love y’all.

** regarding this story, i was planning on making it even longer, but writing these two has been so much fun, and i didn’t want it to end just like that (i have attachment issues as you may infer from this note). therefore, i’ve made the decision to write a second part to this fic, which will contain fluff and other stuff (you already know the drill). i don’t know when i’ll be posting it, but i’m sure it won’t take me that long.

*** i’m also working on other one shots (purely fluff/domesticity because i want this man to cradle me in his arms). anyway, i don’t know if anyone’s going to read this, but still, all I have to say is THANK YOU FOR READING MY WORKS! i hope you really like this silly story i made up :)

**** english is not my first language so if you come across any mistakes don’t hesitate to tell me :)

special recognition to @zloshy who allowed me to rant about my own fic 😭 the sweetest human ever

The bar is far from packed, but then again, it never truly is.

Studying your regulars has become your favorite hobby. Soon you end up knowing their names, the drinks they like, and what time they come through the door. It’s what happens when standing on your own two feet and refilling glasses lose all their charm. A part of you thinks you also do it to make them feel safe. No matter how much you try to deny it, you truly care about their well-being.

Is this your dream job? Nope. Definitely not. You’re pretty sure that holding some stranger’s hair while they empty their insides wasn’t on your bingo card for this year. But sadly money doesn’t grow on trees, and university isn’t going to pay itself. Plus, this was the only job in which your resume was not immediately rejected. It should also be stressed that the drunks happen to love you. 

Perhaps this isn’t the life you had always imagined for yourself, but you were getting closer to it. You’d often talk to Adam, a retired psychologist in his seventies. He was without a doubt one of the most loyal clients you’d ever encountered. In the past, he’d even given you free advice on some of your failed hookups. You once told him that in less than two years, you’d be just like him when you got your degree in Psychology. To your surprise, he replied: “You’ll be much better than me, doll. I’m a mess, can’t you see it? You don’t wanna be like me,” his voice was hardly above a whisper as he continued. “I should be at my daughter’s birthday right now, but I didn’t get an invitation this year. Believe me, you don’t want to end up like this old man.” 

Like Adam, most of the men who frequented the bar day-to-day saw it as an opportunity to hide within the shadows. In comparison to the other pubs in the area, the one you work at doesn’t receive that much attention from the general public. A dimly lit place where only music from the 80s is allowed. You’re certain that if a health inspector ever came down here, you’d be in serious problems. But hey, you know what they say: do not worry about tomorrow; instead, live in the now.

The atmosphere of the bar shifts dramatically as the main door slams shut with a resounding thud, pulling you abruptly out of your daydreaming. You turn to see who’s arrived, but as soon as your eyes meet his, you’re compelled to look away. Nevertheless, the brief glance you catch of the stranger’s features is enough for you to unlock your phone and send a quick text to your best friend. 

You:

cutie patootie alert

there’s this really handsome guy at the bar

i don’t think i’ve ever seen him before

i think i’m in love with him

my night just got a 100% better

Allison:

age

what does he look like

is he bald?

You:

he looks like he could be in his early fifties??? it’s hard to tell UGH i wish you were here

brown hair, beard, 6’2 if i’m not wrong 

i didn’t stare at him for too long

otherwise that would’ve been very weird

and no he’s not fucking bald

that happened only once and i was not aware of that gentleman’s lack of hair 

Allison:

so you’re dating retired now

get it grandma!

You:

oh fuck you allison 

Allison: 

it’s okay girl we all have our flaws

just make sure it’s nobody’s father

wait it’s not mine right?

You:

nah your dad’s way hotter don’t you worry about it

Allison:

bitch 

Even with the music blasting through the speakers that are attached to the ceiling, you can still hear the low murmur and the whispers. The mysterious stranger seems to have attracted the attention of the other patrons, some of whom have even raised their phones to take photos. Your eyebrows draw together. Why would they do something like this, approaching the man as if he were a celebrity? Since curiosity never fails to kill the cat, you decide to get involved.

“Do I have somethin’ on my face?” you hear him ask the crowd, his raspy voice making your knees wobbly. He sounds enraged. You step on your tiptoes, trying to see what all the fuss is about, albeit it’s pretty hard considering how these men are caging him with their bodies.

The glow of a phone’s flashlight catches your attention, and suddenly, a chair is dragged without much elegance. “Enough of that, y’hear me?”

Enter you now. “Okay, gentlemen, I’m sorry. I’m gonna need you to make some space for me, alright?” you mumble as you gently push them aside. “Thank you, thank you. Y’all can be real sweethearts when you put your minds to it.”

Then you spot him, and it becomes clear why everyone is making such a fuss. 

Gary, your worst client ever, steps forward. His nasty breath clouds your senses as he rests one of his sweaty hands on your shoulder. “Doll, it’s the fucking Wolverine. Don’t ask him for a picture, though. He doesn’t seem to be in the mood for that.”

The last thing you needed to see today was a fight (despite your knowledge of who would be the winner). You locate yourself amidst them, shaking your head like a disappointed mother, so as to add a tiny bit of drama to the situation.

“Guys, what you’re doing here is completely inappropriate. I thought I’d taught you better. Imagine if I were to pull this crap on you. You wouldn’t have it.”

Adam presses his lips together, flushing a bit. “She does have a point.” 

“Thank you, peanut. You’re still my favorite,” you flash him an honest smile. Scrutinizing the rest of the men, you continue with your speech. “You can still make up for it and fill my tip jar all the way to the top. Deal?” they all scoff, barking their disagreement. “Oh, you don’t like the sound of that? Then leave him alone, okay? Class dismissed! Back to your places,” you clap your hands repeatedly, signaling them to go away. “Chop chop. All this alcohol won’t be drinking itself.”

Just like that, everything goes back to normal in the blink of an eye. Wolverine sits back down in his chair, leaning closer to the table and resting both elbows on it. He examines you, lifting his chin while his brown eyes take in every inch of you.

“Thank you,” he utters, his eyes still trained on your features. 

“No need to. It’s what I’m here for,” you point to your work clothes, which consist of an antiqued apron and a silly sticker that has your name written on it. “Can I get you anything to drink? It’s also Burger Night. You can get one for half the usual price.”

(No. It’s not fucking Burger Night. You just happen to find yourself deeply attracted to him.)

He doesn’t seem too eager to hear you talk. “Not hungry at the moment. But I could use some whiskey.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, kid. Very sure.” Well, now he does look annoyed.

“Great. I’ll be back in a minute,” you move as if you were in a race, returning to him after a hot minute. Setting his glass down on the table, you fill it with some old whiskey you don’t even know the name of. Still, he omits that detail, gulping down two-fingers of whiskey as if it were water. “I see you’re thirsty.”

“Could you leave the bottle here?” those brown puppy eyes are begging you to do as he says, and although you’d be happy to oblige, rules are rules. 

“Actually, I can’t. The bottle stays on the counter. But you can always join me at the front,” your proposal doesn’t appear to have the desired effect on him. “I won’t talk to you if that’s what you want.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” he rubs his neck, drawing a long breath as he stands up. 

You can feel many pairs of eyes searing into your soul. The others ask you for more drinks and you pour them, pricking up your ears when you hear them talking about him.

“What a weirdo. Didn’t you see it on TV? He’s not even from this universe,” Gary explains, looking for accomplices to hate on Wolverine. “Let me tell y’all something: he shouldn’t even be here. He’s fucking dead on this earth.”

Yeah… that you knew.

It had been all over the news for weeks. Some would even swear that he was back from the dead, but that was until the representatives from the TVA spoke their truth. If someone would’ve told you a month ago that multiple universes were a thing, you would’ve laughed in their face.

As if that weren’t already difficult to process, your mind does the job of reminding you that there’s a man with metal claws sitting a few meters away from you. Despite that, you can’t seem to be scared of him. There’s something magnetic about his personality and that don’t-come-near-me-or-there-will-be-consequences expression that he has. Why had you promised not to speak to him? Dammit.

“I can hear your thoughts,” a muscle in his jaw twitches after knocking back another glass of whiskey. He squeezes his eyes shut before tapping the table with two fingers, silently asking for a refill.

“I thought you didn’t want me to talk,” you raise one of your eyebrows, and you behold how the corners of his mouth turn up for an instant. “I can assure you your liver hates you.”

“Alcohol won’t kill me, so don’t be afraid. Keep ‘em coming.”

For nearly twenty minutes, he does nothing but drink. He attempts to light a cigar at some point, and you stop him. “You can’t smoke in here.”

“No special treatment?” he inquires, placing the cigar between his parted lips and tilting his head back. He’s so… dreamy. He has to know it.

“I saved your ass today. The least you can do is not cause me any trouble.”

His eyes widen at your words, blinking owlishly. “You saved my what?”

“Your goddamn ass. You were about to start a fight.”

“Blame the idiots you have for clients,” he says, jerking his thumb toward your direction. “I was just mindin’ my own business. They came for me, not the other way around.”

“Look, Wolvie. I–”

“Wolvie?” giving a bitter laugh, he rams a hand through his hair. “That’s the worst nickname I’ve heard in a long time,” he looks at you through his lashes, getting rid of his leather jacket. “It’s Logan.”

“Wow. Your name is very boybandish.”

You succeed in making him laugh once again. It’s the perfect opportunity for you to observe his face without feeling like you were just about to get caught. He has deep creases and worry lines etched between his eyebrows, a brown beard that perfectly frames his jaw, and a few white hairs scattered in his sideburns. Pearly teeth that go hand in hand with one of the most impeccable smiles you’ve ever seen, and a pair of brown eyes that make you feel weak in the knees. You know for a fact that he’s a lot older than you; his exact age remains a mystery, but his appearance is enough for you to start fantasizing.

Shit, you want him. You should feel sickened by the mere thought of being with him. He was born God knows when, has lived hundreds of years. Still, the idea of tracing his cheekbones with your fingers while lying on his chest doesn’t leave you. This is fucked up. You are fucked up. A fucked up Psychology student. The joke is pretty much self-explanatory.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding, you preening slut. Can’t even bother to answer my calls now?”

The tension between you shatters like a glass dropped onto the floor. He doesn’t dare to look in the direction of the owner of that voice, not even as the seat next to him gets taken. He pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Wade, what the hell are you doin’ here?”

“It hasn’t been exactly easy, raising our kid on my own. I don’t even have money to hire a babysitter, Lo. I spent nine months carrying your child, and for what? You end up going after a bartender,” the masked man turns to you, giving a sly wink. “No offense, baby. You must be a real sweetheart. In fact, do you want my number? The name’s Wade, but you can call me whatever you like.”

“You dumb fuck. Are you flirtin’ with her?”

“No shit, smartass. You’re the future of this country.”

A soft giggle escapes you despite your attempt to hold it back. You take a step back, admiring the two men. “Well, aren’t you two a beautiful couple?”

“You should see our little munchkin. He’s got my eyes and Logan’s hair. His first word was gubernatorial.”

“Would you like to have a drink while you’re here?”

“A beer would be great. Thank you, sugarbear. You’re the cutest,” Wade sinks back into his chair, resting his chin on his palm. He jerks his head in Logan’s direction, bumping his shoulder. “She’s the cutest. Are you two together?”

Logan rubs his forehead, speaking through gritted teeth. “How did you find me?”

“It's the power of love, baby. I had It’s All Coming Back To Me Now on repeat for hours. Couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Handing Wade a cold beer, your eyes scan Logan’s face. “I didn’t know patience was your strongest suit.”

“Me neither.”

“Enough of that! I can’t stand not being included in a conversation,” Wade throws his hands in the air, and you look at him. “There you are. So, what about you? Are you even allowed to be here? Did bars change their policies?”

You can’t help but snort. “I’m 25.”

Wade looms closer, lowering his voice. “Now that I think about it, you could totally be Logan’s caretaker. He’s been having some issues recently, given his age. Do you… know anything about adult diapers?”

But then Logan’s face contorts, turning crimson. He rises from his seat, grabbing Wade’s arm. “That’s it. We’re leavin’,” his eyes lock on you for a moment. “How much do I owe you?”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s on the house.”

The things you’re willing to do for a man, right? You should be ashamed of yourself.

(But you aren’t.)

His mouth hangs open in disbelief. “Kiddo, are you–”

“Completely sure,” you finish his sentence for him, bowing your head and clasping your arms behind your body. A tight-lipped smile takes over you. “Just don’t tell my boss.”

Wade shifts his gaze back and forth between Logan and you. “I usually don’t mind third-wheeling, but I sort of feel left out.”

“I’m gonna sew your mouth shut, Wade.”

“Oh, come on! I was just making small talk,” the masked man tries to excuse himself while Logan pushes him towards the door. “It was a pleasure meeting you, sunshine. I’m free on Thursdays. Hit me up if his whiskey dick fails to impress you! Mine’s way more agile and young!”

As you watch them leave the bar, you remain frozen in your place amidst the clamor of ongoing chatter and clinking glasses.

What the fuck had just happened?

“Patrick’s normally the first one to get wasted during weekends,” you explain to the blonde woman sitting in front of you, and she writes that information down in her notebook. “He can usually handle himself, but at some point, he’ll try to call his ex-wife, and that’s when you know you need to stop serving him.”

She clicks her tongue, the color draining out of her face. “This is… definitely a lot to remember. I think I already forgot half of what you said.”

You shake your head, shoving your hands in your pockets. “You’ll get used to it, believe me. I’ll be with you at all times, so if you have any doubts, just ask me.”

After a whole year of working solo at the bar, you finally get to have a coworker: Gwen, a mother of two teenagers in her forties. You had met her at the grocery store, and in the process of helping her find a specific brand of cookies, you found out that she had recently lost her job. One thing led to another, and now she’s your trainee.

Your savior complex strikes again!

It has been four days since your first encounter with Logan. The thought that he could show up at any moment makes your heart race and your hands sweat. Allison had received countless voice messages where you narrated the entire experience in full detail. 

Touching your arm softly, Gwen’s face lights up. “Another man came in. Is he a regular? I don’t think you told me about him.”

Fuck, it’s him. Manifesting does work wonders. He locks eyes with you and raises a hand in greeting.

“Leave this one to me,” you tell her as your feet take you to where Logan’s sitting, contemplating the way in which his leather jacket hugs his wide frame. “Long time no see.”

“Hey, kid,” he grins. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much. Nobody has puked yet, so that’s a good thing,” you crinkle your nose, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. “Whiskey?”

“You know me so well,” a smirk takes place in his lips, and he smiles cockily. “Though this time, I won’t be leavin’ without payin’.”

“We’ll see about that,” you go back to your usual spot behind the counter, looking for a glass. Your cheeks kind of hurt from smiling so hard. Next to you, Gwen studies your reaction to seeing Logan. “Is that your boyfriend?”

You almost drop the whiskey bottle. “God, no. He’s not my boyfriend. Barely know the guy.”

“It’s funny,” she says, raising her eyebrows with a knowing look, as if she knows something you don’t. “He hasn’t stopped looking at you since he arrived.”

“It’s probably because of this,” you reply, lifting the bottle in her direction before pouring a small amount into a glass. Just as you’re about to walk over to him, a girl slides into the sit beside him, her long blonde hair swept up in a ponytail. She’s wearing a stunning red dress and black heels. You wonder if she’s a model, because she certainly looks like one.

Her hand creeps up his arm, fingernails scraping against the worn leather. Although Logan’s expression is hard to read, he doesn’t even flinch.

“You know what? Here’s his drink– You take care of it. I’ll stay here,” you don’t give Gwen a chance to talk back, instead staying behind the bar, engaging in small talk with other clients. 

“Doll, are you okay?” Adam asks you after noticing you struggling to open a beer bottle. He takes it from your hands and opens it with ease. “There you go.”

“Thank you, Adam. I’m fine, never been better. Why you ask?

“You sure?”

“Affirmative.”

“You mixed up our drinks,” he explains in his most psychologist-like voice. “This never happens to you. Michael has my wine, and I’ve got his martini.”

“Fuck! I’m so sorry. I just— I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” you chew on your bottom lip, rubbing your temples. “I feel stupid.”

“Oh, please. Don’t say that. You’re far from being stupid,” he sits up straight, reaching for your fingers and giving them an apologetic squeeze. “If you ask me, I think you’ve got your mind on someone else,” he must notice how you visibly get tense because he adds: “Remember: I know when you’re lying. You didn’t charge him the other day, which means that you must really like him,” taking a tentative sip of the martini he didn’t even ordered, Adam shrugs. “I’m a great observer. That’s all.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you see the blonde girl from before returning to where her friends are chatting. Logan is left alone, and you watch him grab his glass and head towards the counter.

“As I said, your mind’s somewhere else,” Adam sighs, a tiny smirk tugging at his lips. “Go get your man. I’ll survive.”

“Not my man. But thanks, older-and-wiser-version-of-cupid.”

Pretending not to have seen Logan, you continue with your work. He remains silent for some minutes before finally saying: “Hi.”

Hi? It sounds so out of character for him.

“Hey, claws,” you force a smile, still avoiding to meet his gaze. “Do you need anything?”

Logan points to his empty glass, like a toddler asking for more cereal. “I also wanted to talk to you.”

“I thought you were busy over there,” you say, surprisingly managing to sound nonchalant, despite the jealousy bubbling underneath your friendly tone. “Did you get her number?”

“What? No.”

“Why not? She’s cute.”

Yeah, maybe you don’t sound as collected as you think.

Whether Logan notices it or not, he chooses not to mention it. He folds his arms over his chest, fixing his brown eyes on you. “I’m not interested.”

“And what is it that interests you, champ?” your question elicits a low chuckle from him. Just as he opens his mouth to seemingly reply, Gwen appears out of nowhere to ask you about the price of a certain drink. Your gaze shifts between her and Logan, who remains focused on you while sipping his drink.

After that, Gwen leaves. The man in front of you goes poker-faced, pursing his lips, and his abrupt change in demeanor alarms you. “Wade wants to have dinner tomorrow at his apartment– well, our apartment. I live with him now. It’s complicated,” he adds with a dismissive wave of his hand, and you laugh. “Anyway, he asked me to tell you that you’re invited. I know we don’t know each other that much, but… he said you seem like someone worth havin’ around,” he mumbles awkwardly, eyes downcast. “I think the same as well.”

You could die at peace.

“You’re a lucky fucker because I don’t work on Sundays,” you quip, smiling. “I’d be more than happy to attend your feast.”

“Great. I thought you would turn down the invitation.”

“Now why would you think that?”

“‘Cause you barely know me– us,” he corrects himself rapidly. “Plus, Wade’s annoying as hell when he puts his mind to it. You’ll see.”

“Marital problems?” he actually in response. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’. Oh, I’ll bring the dessert.”

“You don’t have to.”

“But I do want to,” you tilt your head in an effort to hide your longing for him.

“Just want to get under my skin, huh? I can see why Wade likes you,” Logan beams, reaching out to tuck a $100 bill into the pocket of your apron. “The tip’s included.”

“I don’t know how things work in your universe, but you’re giving me way more money than you’re supposed to. I can't accept this.”

“Oh, but you will,” his gravelly voice fucks your system up, and you’re glad he can’t see how you squeeze your legs together behind the bar.

He writes down Wade’s address on a random napkin, holding his breath as he stands up. “I should get goin’. See you tomorrow then.”

Before he walks out the door, you stop him. “Logan? You didn’t answer my other question.”

His back shakes momentarily with laughter. Turning around to face you, his stare leaves you even more confused. “Good night, doll.”

This is becoming a habit: every time he goes away, you feel as though you’ve just run a marathon with no water available. Your mouth is completely dry, your fingers are numb and there’s a knot in your stomach that’s becoming all too familiar.

“Would you mind telling me where you got him?” Gwen’s voice makes you almost jump out of your skin.

“He’s not from around here. I think he’s Canadian.”

You’ve got this. You’ve got this. You’ve got this.

Knocking softly on Wade’s door, you step back, the container holding the tiramisu cold to your touch. It’s your first time trying out this recipe, so you’re expecting it to at least not taste like shit.

Wade answers the apartment door, acting surprised when you remain silent. “Well, look what the wind blew in: if it isn’t my husband’s lover. How dare you? We’re still going to couples therapy.”

You show him the container, and he squints at it. “Tiramisu. You want it or not?”

“I hate twenty-somethings,” he says with a defeated sigh, stepping aside to let you into the apartment. 

Leaving your purse on the nearest surface, you scan the living room, wondering where Logan might be. There’s a small mirror beneath the couch, and you check yourself for the hundredth time tonight. “Don’t get too excited. He’s still showering,” Wade’s voice rings in your ears, and you turn to look at him, your eyebrows knitted. “Yeah. I noticed. You’re already drooling over that big piece of metal between his legs.”

“Keep quiet!” you cover his mouth with your palm, noticing the scarred state of his skin up close. “Wade, you fucking dog. Are you licking my hand?”

“Couldn’t help it. You taste like mascarpone cheese and espresso.”

Then Logan emerges from the bathroom, with only a white towel draped around his waist. Droplets of water fall from his wet hair, tracing the muscle of his abs, ending somewhere beneath his happy trail. Your eyes keep flickering between him and his torso until he clears his throat. “I thought you were comin’ later.”

“Me too, but I…,” you trail off, your brain struggling to catch up, “I didn’t know what else to do at my place.”

“It’s fine. Just– let me put on some clothes.”

“Please don’t,” Wade murmurs next to you, but Logan only scoffs. “I was just being honest. Communication is key.”

When Wade and you are alone again, he lets out a harsh breath. “That was probably the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. My pants are really tight right now.”

“Thin walls, buddy!” Logan shouts from his bedroom, earning a laugh from you. 

Like A Prayer starts playing. Wade moves his hips to the beat, getting lost in the melody. “Is that your phone?”

“Yeah, but I always take a few seconds to dance to it. Such a banger!” he says, then picks up his phone, accepting the call. “Hey, Ness! What´s up?” Wade covers the speaker before telling you: “It’s Vanessa. My ex-girlfriend. We fuck once a week, sometimes even twice.”

From behind, Logan nudges your arm with his, looking at you. ”Hey, kid.”

“No, I’m not busy at all,” Wade exclaims, grabbing his crotch and thrusting into the air. “I’ll be there in ten, cupcake. See you,” he spreads his arms wide and whistles. “Someone’s getting laid tonight!”

“You made me come all the way here… and now you’re leaving?”

“What? My friend Wolverine wanted to invite you over. I just had to provide the apartment,” in one quick movement, he presses a kiss to your cheek, then does the same to Logan. “Shave yourself, will you?”

“Go fuck yourself, will you?”

“Love you too, honey. Hope you two lovebirds have a good night, because I know I will!”

Wade throws a wink over his shoulder before heading out, the apartment going dead silent. Logan and you stand frozen, staring at each other, although he quickly drops his gaze, unable to maintain eye contact. A giggle threatens to escape you: he wanted to see you. Could he possibly enjoy your company as much as you enjoy his?

Logan watches the spot where Wave had just been. The absence of his chaotic energy makes the room feel strangely empty now. He coughs lightly, the sound awkwardly loud in the quiet room.

“So... I, uh, bought pizza,” he says, his voice a little too casual, as if trying to cover up his nervousness. Averting his eyes, he focuses on the pizza boxes on the table.

You catch the hesitation in his tone, your curiosity piqued by his discomfort. Tilting your head, a teasing smile forms on your lips. “Pizza, huh? You sure know how to impress a girl.”

Logan chuckles, the sound strained, as he scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, I figured it was a safe choice. Didn’t want to ruin it, y’know?”

You move closer to the table, the warmth from the pizza boxes radiating against your hands as you open one of them. The rich smell of melted cheese and pepperoni fills the air, a comforting scent that makes your stomach growl softly. “Thank you. I’m a big fan of pizza.”

He sits in the chair across from you, taking a bite of his slice. You watch him quietly, your own thoughts churning. The truth of his origins had been a shock at first, but now, it just made you want to know more about the man. What was his life like in the other universe? Did he miss it? Was he happier here, or was he longing to return?

“Logan…,” you begin, your tone gentle but probing, “Can I ask you something?”

He glances up at you, eyes widening. There’s something in your eyes –an understanding, maybe– that makes him feel like you could see right through him. 

“Sure,” he replies, trying to sound more at ease than he really feels. “Ask away.”

You hesitate for a moment, not wanting to push too hard. “I was wondering... would it be okay if I asked you some questions? About, you know, your life. Where you're from.”

The bite of pizza suddenly feels heavy in his mouth. He hadn’t talked much about his world, not even with Wade. Partly because it was too painful, and partly because he wasn’t sure how to explain how things turned out for him. He nods slowly, setting his slice down. “Yeah, it's okay. I’ll answer what I can.”

“I just... I want to understand you better.”

“Well, first and foremost, I’m no hero. You should know that by now.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Kid, I’m the worst Logan. A complete failure. Of all the variants out there, Wade just had to pick the one despised by every living soul on his earth,” Logan looks away, his voice low and heavy. You’re wondering if doing this was a good idea. “I need a drink.”

He gets up and you follow him into the kitchen. He rummages through the fridge, in search of a cold beer. Meanwhile, you attempt to find the right words. “I don’t think–”

With a sharp flick of his wrist, three metal claws sprout from between his knuckles. A gasp catches in your throat as he uses his claws to pierce the beer can, drinking from the punctured holes. Once he’s done, he goes back to staring at you. Your gaze, on the other hand, is still glued to the now-empty beer can. “What?” he asks, exhaling slowly.

“That was completely unnecessary,” you mutter, and he lets out a bitter chuckle, tossing the can into the trash. “But, back to what you said before– I don’t think you’re the worst Logan.”

“You didn’t know me back then, darlin’. I fucked it up,” he leans against the counter, arms crossed defensively over his chest. “Like the Logan from this universe, I once belonged to the X-Men too. I remember that Scott used to beg me to wear my suit. So did Jean, Storm, Beast– All of them,” his gaze grows more distant, and you can tell that memories are flooding his mind. “Wanted me to be part of the team, but I wouldn’t do it. Told them they looked fucking ridiculous.”

The pizza’s long forgotten. You take the risk and get a bit closer to him, your eyes never leaving his. 

Logan’s silence stretches for a moment before he speaks again. “One day, while I was off on my own, the humans came. They went mutant hunting.”

Your heart clenches at the pain in his voice. He still remembers everything as if it had happened yesterday. “I can guess the rest. You don’t have to–”

But he cuts you off. “No, let me say it. I need to say it,” he takes a deep breath, lowering his head. “By the time I stumbled home, shit-faced from the bar, it was too late. They were dead. They called after me and I walked away.”

Reaching out, your hand gently brushes against his. He doesn’t pull away, but instead searches for your eyes. “My suit's all I've got to remind me of who they were. What I did. I found them and they were… dead. I started killing, and I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. I turned the whole world against the X-Men.”

You tighten your grip on his hand, knowing there’s nothing you can do to change how he feels. “You’re not a bad person, Logan,” he shakes his head, mumbling something you can’t quite catch. “I mean it. What happened back then doesn’t define you. You took the blame for their deaths upon yourself. I can tell you loved them deeply, and I’ll never fully understand the pain you feel. I wish I could. I wish I could take it away, make you forget somehow, but I can’t. That’s not how life works. But you got your second chance: you saved this world. My world,” gently cupping his face in your hands, you allow your fingers to caress his cheeks. He leans into your touch, watching you with half-lidded eyes. “You’re my hero. I’m your biggest fan– after Wade, obviously, which is a lot to say.”

He grins, letting out a laugh. “Easy there, bub.”

“Should I give you some space?”

That’s the last thing he wants from you right now. You already know that as he looks you up and down, placing his hands on the small of your back, his thumbs drawing small circles on your skin. There’s no turning back– The warmth between you feels almost like a fever dream. “For a long time, all I wanted was to disappear. I couldn’t stand waking up every morning, knowing that another day awaited me.”

“And what happened?” your breath mingles with his, his closeness becoming nearly intoxicating. “What changed?”

“I met a pretty girl at a pub, that’s what happened,” he murmurs, his dilated pupils flicking up to meet your gaze. “I’m gonna kiss you now.”

“Do all your kisses come with a warning?”

“God, do you ever shut up?”

You don’t have time to respond because he kisses you there and then. His stubble scrapes your skin as your mouths meet again and again, needy hands that hold you as if you were prone to breaking. Logan licks into your mouth, sliding his tongue against yours and swallowing every one of your whimpers.

“So this is what it takes to shut you up, huh?” he murmurs against your lips. You can feel him smiling, and it makes your heart skip a beat. 

“Keep talking and you won’t get a single bite of my tiramisu,” you tease him, kissing him again, the taste of beer numbing your senses. “I really like kissing you.”

“The feeling’s mutual, but now that you’ve mentioned that tiramisu…”

“Am I that easily replaced?”

“No. You’re just a pain in the ass.”

Jokes aside, you’re as happy as a clam.

Since that night you and Logan kissed, you’ve been living your best life. Like a freaking schoolgirl with a crush. Some things never seem to change.

He hasn’t been to the bar in three days. Yes, you’re counting them. No, you haven’t lost your mind. You want to see him, but there’s something about making the first move that gives you the chills. What would his reaction be if you showed outside of apartment?

It’s been a long time since you’ve been with anybody. On top of that, all the guys you’ve dated were your age. Being with someone that older than you certainly wasn’t no your plans. You’d be lying if you said that the mere idea of being with him in that way didn’t excite you.

Oh boy, you miss him. You miss his scruffy voice, his gorgeous hair. And you two aren’t even official yet. To be honest, you don’t even know what he wants from you. Is he even the type to be in a relationship?

“Nighty night, gentlemen,” you say to Gary and his friends as you find yourself in front of them, smoothing your apron. Gwen had called in sick tonight, so it’s just you at the bar babysitting a bunch of grown-men.

“What’s up, doll? You’ve forgotten about us. We miss you coming in here to chat,” Gary’s eating his burger at the same time he speaks, something you find repulsive, but you’ve seen worse. “Y’know, I’d love to take you out someday. I have a place you’d like.”

The other men laugh and punch him in the back, just boosting his ego. Pathetic. 

“I’ll let you know when I’m free,” you reply with the most polite smile you can offer, intending to go on. “What are you having tonight?”

“You always pull that shit, baby. I don’t think you’re so busy that you can’t accept a date.”

You hate the way he’s looking at you, as if you were wrong for not being interested. As if you didn’t know any better.

“You’re reading minds now? Shocking, Gary.”

“Oh, doll. That attitude of yours shows you’ve never been with a real man like me, that’s all,” he leans back in his chair, resting one of his arms on the table and the other one near his crotch, manspreading. “It’s alright. I like you bratty.”

“I’ll be back when you finally have something to order,” you attempt to turn around but he grabs your wrist, pulling you closer. Your eyes lock, and he seems to enjoy this: being in control. Like a predator hunting his prey. “Come on, Gary. I don’t want to have to kick you out.”

“It’s not that you don't like me, right? You’ve already got your mouth full.”

“Careful.”

“What? Don’t tell me you’re not fucking that useless mutant. I see you like ‘em older. Pretty little things like you drive me wild.”

You laugh in his face, showing him your teeth. “It was never about your age, Gary. You’re right: I do like them older. I’m just not into bald, vertically-challenged pricks.”

His entourage of idiots goes silent after that. He looks up at you, eyes burning with hatred. His grip on your wrist tightens, probably leaving a mark. “Fucking bitch.”

“Get your hands off her.”

Logan’s voice forces the two of you to look in his direction. It seems that he’s just arrived at the pub, his jacket still on. 

“You joining us? We’re just getting started here, big boy.”

“Did you not hear me?” Logan lunges forward, his nose almost touching Gary’s. “The fuck is wrong with you?”

“Easy there, cowboy. I’m just having a chat with your girl. She’s one of the good ones, I’ll give you that,” arching a sly brow, his forehead puckers. “You don’t like sharing? We can even take turns.”

Logan clenches his jaw, lips set in a grim line. “Say one more word, and I’ll fucking kill you.”

“I’ll give you a full sentence instead: can you even get it up?” 

The tension in the air is thick, every second stretching out as Logan's anger simmers dangerously close to the surface. Gary’s smug grin only makes it worse, pushing him to the edge. Before you can react, Logan’s fist swings forward, connecting with Gary’s jaw with a sickening crack. Gary staggers back, realising your wrist. Blood seeps from his nose, his white shirt becoming stained with it. “You fucker! You broke my nose!”

“We’re just getting started here, big boy,” Logan mocks him, repeating his previous words.

“Stop!” you shout, moving quickly to grab his arm, trying to pull him back. But he’s beyond hearing, his rage blinding him to everything else. He shakes you off, and with a fierce growl, drives another punch into Gary’s stomach. The latter doubles over, gasping for air, the wind knocked out of him. He then falls to the floor, curling into a ball. People start to gather around you, and soon your beloved bar becomes a box ring.

“That’s enough, Logan! He’s barely conscious,” you murmur under your breath, stepping between them, hands up in a desperate attempt to create some space. Logan pauses, chest heaving, fists still clenched, as he finally looks at you. The wildness in his eyes starts to fade, replaced by a dawning realization of what he’s done.

“He deserved it,” he nods vigorously to himself, as if trying to explain his point. “He was hurting you.”

“If you keep that up, you’re going to kill him. My bar is not a fucking cemetery,” your voice trembles a little bit, expecting to talk some sense into him. “I won’t let you do this.”

The room is quiet now, the only sound being Logan’s heavy breathing as he stands there, still tense, still processing. You turn to Gary’s friends, cold fury in your eyes. “Get him out of here,” you watch as they haul him up, practically dragging him to the door. The other clients continue to stare at Logan, their mouths hanging open. “Everybody out, right now! Go home. We’re closing earlier tonight.”

Adam is the last person to leave, slamming the door behind him. You rush to the counter, searching for a mop to clean the fresh blood off the floor. Still agitated, the images of Logan hitting Gary flash in your mind. He approaches you from behind, his fingers circling your forearm. “Bub–”

“Don’t. Now is not the time.”

“I was protecting you.”

“I told you to stop, and you didn’t. You just shook me off,” you snap, glancing at his knuckles which are not even bruised. Slamming your eyes shut, you get to your feet and wash your hands in the sink, the remaining water becoming reddish for a moment.

Logan moves closer, resting his chin on your shoulder. He wraps his arms lazily around your middle section. ”I’m sorry.”

You turn in his arms, your back flushed against the sink and your nose in the air. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“I don’t have a phone.”

“But– Jesus, Logan. You could’ve come sooner. I thought you regretted what happened the other day,” you say and the muscles in his face twitch, his body stiffening at your words. “Thought you no longer wanted me.”

“No, bub. I– I still want you. I want all of you, trust me,” he murmurs, and you allow him to press his body against yours, the scent of the cigar he must have smoked recently enveloping your senses. “I just… don’t know how to do this. I have a habit of ruining things, and I’m trying to figure out the best way to be with you without hurting you.”

“Pushing me away also hurts,” your eyes flick up to meet his gaze again, and he whispers under his breath. “I can’t read your mind. You need to tell me what’s going on in that ancient skull of yours.”

His face falters, flashing you a mischievous look. His hand creeps under the fabric of your shirt, fingernails scrapping against your spine. “I’m sorry, princess. I truly am.”

“You can’t just say ‘sorry’ with that voice and expect me to–”

You’re cut off by his lips crashing down onto yours. You melt into the kiss, unable to deny what your body has been craving for the past days. 

“I thought your kisses came with a warning,” you say, detaching your mouth from his, a smile spreading uncontrollably in your face as you see his toothy grin.

“Shut up and kiss me, will you?”

In a clash of tongues and teeth, your mouths meet once again. Tugging the hair at his nape, you feel him growl against your lips. His strong hands trace every curve of your body, kneading the flesh of your hips and undoing the knot at the back of your apron. You’re becoming one with the sink, but in a moment like this, you couldn’t care less. Logan’s hard on nudges your lower stomach, and he ruts against you like an animal.

“You said you wanted to know what’s on my mind, right?” his teeth nibble on the skin of your neck, syrupy voice going straight to your core. “Well, I’d love nothing more than to touch you right now.”

“Right here? On the counter?”

“Yeah, on the fucking counter,” he grabs you by your thighs, hosting you up and placing your body on top of the cold bar. He nudges your knees apart, his bulge meeting your clothed cunt deliciously. “Will you let me, baby? Can I make you come in here?”

“Please. I’m glad we have such a low budget. Camera installment is t–too expensive these days.”

“Do you always talk this much?” he slowly unbuttons your pants, and you help him to remove them.

“Yes. Next question,” your breath hitches in your throat as you feel the pad of his thumb circling your clit through your panties. Your eyelids drop, your head lolling back. “Fuck, that feels good.”

Logan hums, mesmerized with the way your hips roll into his hand, your whimpers sounding like music to his ears. “You have any idea how I felt when I saw him touching you? Wanted to rip his hands off you,” his eyes drift to your chest, how it rises and falls with impatience. “But it’s me who gets to have you like this. He can fantasize about you all he wants: I’m the only one who touches you, ain’t I right?” you sigh with content as his fingers graze your slit, aimlessly bucking your hips. He doesn’t go any further, and you tug at the collar of his flannel, needing more of his callousand hands on you. “Nuh-uh. You want something, you gotta use your words. Got it?”

“I w–want your fingers inside me,” you don’t even recognize your own voice at this point. The few guys you had slept with had never been very talkative during sex. But Logan isn’t like them. This is just the beginning and you’re already starting to realize that he has a dirty mouth, that expectant look on his face as he waits to see your reaction to his words. “Please, Logan. I want you so bad.”

“Oh, I know, bub. There’s something about me I don’t think you know,” he inserts one of his fingers in your cunt, your slick coating the palm of his hand. “These claws I have… they didn’t come on their own. Let’s just say my sense of smell is… pretty good,” Logan can almost see the gears turning in your head as you try to think coherently. He moves his middle finger in and out of you, stretching your walls. “And you… have been wet ever since the first time you saw me. Always nice to everybody, making sure they feel at ease,” you feel like you’re being stretched even further, another one of his fingers sinking into your warm pussy. “But you’re so needy, too. How long has it been since someone touched you like this?”

“Too long, f–fuck. Too long,” you’re squirming, a totally whiny mess. He retratcs his wet fingers and instead goes back to flicking your clit, this time with much less delicacy. His left hand squeezes your tits, and you hate the fact that you’re still wearing clothes. “Shit, Logan. I need you to fuck me. Please. Need your cock.”

His face comes to rest at your neck, and you feel lingering kisses and bites that keep you grounded to earth. “Not here. I need a bed to fuck you properly. You’re only getting my fingers now,” he positions them inches away from your entrance, testing your patience. “Tell me who owns this pussy.”

“L-logan–”

“Tell me and I’ll make you come,” his husky voice is making you dizzy, tears shimmering in your eyes. “Come on. Know you want it as much as I do.”

You succumb to the tentation, like divinity turned to sin. He kisses you roughly, and you struggle to find the correct words. “It’s you, Logan. You own my pussy. It’s f-fucking yours.”

With that, he goes back to nudging that spot that makes you see starts, that filthy squelching sound getting mixed up with your moans. The knot in your belly keeps growing tighter the more he pumps his fingers in and out of you. 

“I said you were only getting my fingers for now, but fuck… I need to gest a taste of this sweet cunt.”

He’s on his knees in an instant, urging your legs apart to make room for his body. Your thighs tighten around his face as he licks a hot stripe up your folds, tracing a heated path on your cunt, not wishing to waste a single second. Pleasure builds quickly, your breath hitching as your hands find their way into his hair, pulling him closer when your body begins to tremble. 

“I’m close,” you pant, breathing hard, grinding your hips against his face. “I’m so close.”

“That’s it. Come in my mouth like the good girl you are.”

Who had given him a damn script for this?

The release is explosive. Like the peak of a roller coaster: you go up up up, ascending higher. You think you almost see Jesus, but at some point, you also have to crash down with force. Your shoulders slump, your entire body cramping up; yet he doesn’t let you go that easily, his fingers still working, scissoring within you while you ride out the final waves of your high, drawing out every last moment of ecstasy.

Once you finally manage to open your eyes, there he is, staring down at you. He taps your lower lip with his fingers, and then mutters: “Open.”

And you do, because you’re just as messed up as he is. Your mouth parts, and he slides his fingers between your lips, dragging them smoothly across your tongue. His knuckles brush the back of your throat, and you gag around the intrusion, tasting yourself. He pulls his fingers out of your mouth, clearly satisfied with the way you’ve cleaned them off.

“I think we should really pay a visit to your apartment,” he suggests, groaning in defeat, and you feel his bulge poking your hip. He must be painfully hard. “I meant what I said earlier. I need a bed if we’re going to fuck. My back’s hurting.”

You raise an eyebrow, the corner of your mouth curving into a smirk. “Why not go to yours?”

“Wade’s in there. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate.”

You can’t help but laugh, pausing a moment to collect your thoughts, heat rising to your cheeks. “So we’re going rodeo?”

Aiming to silence up, Logan kisses you, pinching your chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Only if you can handle it.”

part 2: “GIVE ME THE FIRST TASTE”

dividers by: @/cafekitsune thank you!!! :)

[gaslightgallows]

Please imagine a pithy title about fresh starts here.

(crossposted from Patreon)

Coming into 2024, I had big plans for how I was going to get back on track and get back to posting once a week and yeah, obviously, that hasn’t happened.

But what I have been doing is looking at my Patreon and at my own projects and figuring out some things I need to do differently. Last April, I changed my nom de plume because I wanted a fresh start. Now it’s time to give this entire Patreon project a refresh.

Here’s what’s happened so far:

Deleted my old A.F. Linley website and gave up the domain; the cost for hosting has risen by $200/year and I wasn’t using it as much as I thought I would back in 2018. Also I kept getting spam emails through the contact page.

Took down my Smashwords account; the single title I had managed to self-publish, a short story collection called Creeps, Ghouls and Jewels, had some serious formatting issues that it was not going to be worth the time/money to correct. Plus, I’m not happy with the changes that have come since Smashwords merged with Draft2Digital. (I’m considering moving to Payhip for future self-pubbed titles but that’s a discussion for a different post.)

I’m starting the process of taking down my Redbubble shop and....Okay, actually, I might have done that already? I just went to grab a link to the site in case anyone wanted to order a Moonicorns t-shirt before I deactivated but uh, it looks like it might’ve deactivated itself? Anyway, merch isn’t the right direction for me at this time, but I’ve still got all the actual designs and I really do like the “Finishing Things is Hard” logo, so I’m definitely going to hang onto that and slap that onto some stuff at a different print-on-demand site in the future.

Here’s what’s happening next:

New posting schedule: Starting in April, patrons will receive one short non-fiction post every week (500-1k words) and a piece of fiction every month (2-2.5k words). Oddments posts will continue to be free to read, but these take a decent amount of research and will be sporadic, basically happening around patron-only posts.

Revised patron tier perks: Getting rid of physical rewards and adding more digital ones. More details to come.

Current and long-time patrons: Thank you for sticking around while I get my shit together. I say that frequently. I mean it every single time.

Potential new patrons: Hello. I have just met you, and I love you. My name is Ethan, I live in a 200-year-old house and I’m writing a novel called The Lion’s Paw. It’s set in 1925 and is about an immortal queer disaster woman and what happens when 400+ years of terrible decisions catches up with her.

(I will neither confirm nor deny that she was inspired by H.G. Wells from Warehouse 13.) (Yes I will confirm it, she totally was.)

There are séances and ghostly possession and psychics, there is historical romance, and psychological horror, there are haunted houses and artists behaving badly and a lot of ladies making out.

I post about my writing process and all the weird little historical niches that pop up during my research. Frequent topics include: 

Spiritualism

Cryptids

Historical curiosities

Medical quackery

Weird tech

General oddball occurrences and serendipitous intersections of history, folklore, and culture

And sometimes when I’m really bored I write short fiction via random prompts.

If any of that appeals to you, please consider subscribing! I’d love to have you along for this journey and my caffeine habit needs all the support it can get.

=====

Banner photo by Ryan Snaadt on Unsplash.

[sordidmusings]

Just a life update and opening!

Brought up because of an ask wondering if I still do stuff here so I figured I'd put out some of whats goin on if anyone is interested! Also throwing it into the void of the internet feels less guilt inducing than forcing it on specific people especially after how overwhelmed folks tend to be cuz I'm bad at metering it out and not just being like 'light jokes about struggle that don't scratch the surface or say anything meaningful' and 'here is all the dark lore' 💀 It's also been a struggle because there really does sometimes feel like theres a whole ass language barrier within your own language when you're AuDHD.

I do still do headcanons and write and draw and yada yada there’s just been quite a bit happening and I’m doing poorly at keeping up with life maintenance let alone things I enjoy 🥴 with writing especially in my hobbies I find myself discouraged in what feels like poor quality of my writing and seeing that reflected back to me because I am Weak 💀 general overview of some of the bigger problems below the cut if you’re interested but I won’t bother y’all with the whole picture! Will be more a summary/overview/alluding to things over getting into gory details. Basically a lot will be covered but I won’t force anything below the broad strokes on y'all.

The end is an ask for people to please reach out if they are struggling so please take that seriously. I offer a space with me but please find wherever in this world you are at least somewhat comfortable and have someone be there with you while you process 🤍 I will have a header above that little piece just incase you'd like to skip to only reading that which is completely fine!

CW for mental health talks, allusions to family issues, references to rape and abuse, death by suicide, and suicidal ideation.

What's Up, Doc?

Between hospitalizations (old and new issues and unfortunate near misses 🤡), my couple jobs (the days my body ain’t tryin to give up and even some days it still is means back to the grindstone. Thank you capitalistic overlords 💀), money stresses (medical debt plus just like y'all know shit ain’t the best for most everyone rn), the spring struggle (nightmares + flashbacks get worse from seasonal + anniversaries of men not caring for consent amongst other things lmaoooo), the mental health slew (diagnosed with AuDHD and most of the big hitters besides a personality disorder), and a few other life happenings and old traumas I’m doing a terrible job at everything 🤡 most of it ain’t new so I know all the proper things to do to help for everything from years of therapy and managing the symptoms and all that but dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s hasn’t been offering any relief for a long while so I’m floundering and quite exhausted.

The health issues making everything difficult and painful ain’t helping but I’m also not being the best at taking care of some of them because Why Bother 💀 Many are issues I’ve had for years that ebb and flow in severity and I’m just tired of feeling them and having to manage them. I’m sure any of you with chronic issues understand the feeling well. Those with years and years of major depressive disorder probably also understand the frustration and exhaustion and guilt with knowing you should enjoy something, you WANT to enjoy it, but your body just can’t produce the reaction it should.

I tend to isolate because I’m managing it poorly enough that the topic tends to crop up with the closer few if they ask and that goes Badly cuz, even if they think they won’t, people get uncomfy with the topics which just makes me feel Worse from guilt and sometimes frustration from it being passed over for their comfort or lack of understanding. I am lucky enough to have more recently found one person who Gets It and a beloved soul from lovely old Jersey came back into my life so the bigger problem in that situation is me allowing myself to consistently receive support from them 🤡 One’s so sweet always telling me I can call any time and the other is of the same vein and my dumbass brain keeps being like “but that would bother them” or the usual “you deserve to get worse not get help” 🤡🤡🤡. Clown ass behavior.

Also some bad coping mechanisms make my typing and communication sloppy as hell and I’m quite ashamed of that so best hide that away while it’s going on 💀 due to insistence that it’s Fine I have forgone that instinct to what feels like very Poor Result 🥴 ah the eternal struggle between needing to be Seen to fight the sense of isolation and worthlessness but also being petrified of being perceived while imperfect. Not having any of the connections really be in person doesn’t help too much with feelings isolation because I don't really have anyone around me besides parents that have literally said "why are you making us deal with this" about the intentional near death miss 💀💀💀 my immediate world feels very much like it wants me gone in explicit and subtle ways but c'est la vie. Beggars can’t be choosers so at this point I’m likely just being ungrateful 🤡

One thing making it harder to keep trying is my folks’ years of insistence that I don’t understand my own experience and I’m just dramatic and make things up. It’s an echo of many painful experiences including a whole group intentionally playing games with my sense of reality to enable their friend’s abuse (they got unconsensual nudes from him out of it so that’s worth the price of treating someone like that right?). Such is life.

One of the new things I’m uncertain how to approach handling properly is the grief and such shifting back to the forefront from the first anniversary of my childhood brother figure being taken from us by his bipolar depression. I have known people taken by suicide before but not this close to home. My childhood wasn’t the happiest but he and his family were a bright place in it. His little sister was my best friend in the whole world through my childhood and their family treated me more like family than my own. He was the best mix of a good and bad influence in an older brother figure I could’ve wished for. He fought long and hard but exhaustion hits us all, sometimes even with proper help. What eternally pains me is knowing how helpless and scared he must have felt and even worse how absolutely alone he felt. That was his last feeling in this life. I can only hope that more than anything, whatever happens next is giving him relief, peace, and rest.

Talk on reaching out below!

On that note, if any of you experience suicidality too, my messages (or ask if you’re more comfy on anon) are always open. This is an issue that’s been in my life in many forms since I was 12, so I will not shy away from you or your thoughts. Even if shared with something uncomfortable or "ugly", I find the discomfort of sitting with someone’s pain negligible in comparison to being the one in pain so why not prioritize that person in their need? It’s also negligible under the importance of truly holding space to process those hurts and stresses instead of just simple little niceties.

I am not the best at being active but if I see any of these messages especially we will truly talk. I know how insanely isolating and disappointing it can feel when someone offers support to be nice and then shoves to the next topic or barely responds because it makes them uncomfortable. It is a bitter pill we must often swallow to forgive those who think they will help for making things worse because they have bit off more than they can chew. It is also a bitter feeling that that reaffirms to us that by our very nature, we are too much to handle and are too much to deal with for sharing our internal space and circumstance. But at the same time, all of us are simply human so who am I to malign someone for making mistakes or being imperfect? So long as someone truly wants to try, there is all the reason in the world to give them grace.

Qualifications kind of???

The one good thing that has come from a lot of the experiences that I’ve gone through is that it has forced perspective on me and forced me to learn skills in holding space, validating, and connecting to others in immense pain. No one is perfect in this skill (even therapists struggle - the number who have said they don’t know where to start untangling the traumas or who have cried at it and in turn needed comfort 💀 a strange experience I know my darling at least gets too lol) but I have found in both giving and receiving that honesty and openness is W A Y more important than being perfect.

This is something I’ve watched more people struggle with than not as life circumstances has not made it so that they must learn the skill at the same time that there are resources to learn it, so I may make more posts with advice for it than the bit I go through here. I’m not a licensed therapist so this isn’t going to be a clinical breakdown of how to be someone’s therapist but I would consider my experience as a confidant, consistent reading up on psychological and related sociological research, and experience going through various forms of therapy worthy of giving solid advice. Unfortunately, co-morbidities and resistant brain chemistry really make using the skills on myself Difficult 💀 but as brief examples of experience for validity speaking on this, I’ve been to a lot of group therapy where licensed therapists literally coach you on this, guided a safe space/group for SA survivors in college, coached friends who couldn’t afford therapy through suicidality or abusive situations, and coached survivors through feelings and decisions when deciding whether or not to charge or going through the process of charging their abuser. All of which is much easier to be effective to people you know irl but the support online can be nothing to snub your nose at either. None of this is to say I'm perfect or exceptional - neither is true - just that I’ve had circumstances and experiences that afford me a bit of extra knowledge in this.

In the vast majority of cases, someone who is struggling and coming to you for help wants you to be there - your thoughts, your feelings, your perspective. They don’t want someone sitting uncomfortably and saying the occasional “sorry” they want engagement because more than anything they don’t want to be alone. In a basic example, if you find yourself freezing when someone comes to you with something you don’t know how to handle, instead of saying nothing or only short cliches due to fear of making a mistake, be honest about that. “I’m not sure what to say right now to be honest because that’s so much to deal with. I can’t imagine having to live with that all the time. Is there anything in it frustrating you the most or that you’re having the most difficulty tackling?”. This is active listening and engagement. You are being honest with where you are at so they aren’t guessing what you’re thinking, you are showing that you see how overwhelming the situation is, especially for the person who has to live with it. If you can’t handle a conversation where these issues exist, how do you think it feels to live with them day in and day out, sometimes for years or the majority of a life?

Asking questions is SUPER important too. Trust the other person to only share what they are comfortable with and don’t assume all questions are bad. Asking questions is one of the truest and simplest ways to show you care because why would you want to know more if you don’t give a shit? Asking questions is also very helpful and one of the reasons talking to others about your issues is important - it gives the person struggling something to react to and give perspective. It helps them process the issue in ways they won’t be able to do by themselves. This may make the process sound slightly manufactured but I promise it’s not, especially as it becomes second nature to know what thing to use when. Communication is a skill so advice around it will inherently make it sound more clinical than the actual process is.

People are also not a monolith so while this type of being there works for the vast majority some people may not like it. That is also where communication comes in - check in with the person on if this is helping and what isn't helpful. Make sure to adjust when you make a mistake.

Conclusion

I’m happy to hold space for other issues as well. I’m no replacement for a therapist but I’ve been a helpful supplement to many people I knew struggling throughout the years so I’m at least okay at that! Since I’m doing pretty bad functionally right now the help won’t be as consistent as I wish but I will give whatever is in my power just like these things deserve. I hope to get better soon so that I can properly offer a stronger foundation of support outward again 🤍

[yurayura-kurage]

A3! Troupe Event: MY WORST WEDDING | Event Story Translation (6/11)

Neither Japanese nor English is my first language so please forgive me if I made mistake. However, feel free to point me out, I’d love to hear your feedbacks on the translation ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶

Translation under the cut

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Sakyo’s mother: The pudding parfait here is filling and delicious. How about you Hyodo-kun?

Juza: Thanks. Itadakimasu.

Azami: …

(Indeed, Sakyo’s mother really looks like him… She’ll look better with makeup. If I were to style her hair to go well with the wedding dress, I’d rather tie all them up into a bun…)

Sakyo’s mother: Azami-kun doesn’t like sweets that much, right?

Azami: Eh? Ah, yes.

Sakyo’s mother: Since you like black candy, how about this black sugar jelly? It’s slightly sweet and easy to eat. (*)

Azami: ––Thanks. But why do you, know I like black candy…

Sakyo’s mother: Sakyo talked about that, something like “Eating black candy is essential while in the run of performances.”. He often orders this delicious black candy, so he recommended it to me. 

Azami: (That guy, did he tell her that…)

Juza: …Sorry for taking your time.

Sakyo’s mother: No, thank you for inviting me. I always see Azami-kun at Autumn Troupe’s performance, and hear about you from Sakyo, but this is my first time I can properly have a talk with you so I’m really glad. 

I’m Hyodo-kun’s fan, but I’m also an Autumn Troupe stan. Is it the word you use to call an Autumn Troupe’s fan? Miyako taught me this. (**)

I also received a lot of souvenirs from your father, so please let him know that I really appreciate them. (***)

Azami: Eh–– Is that it.

(I didn’t know anything at all. Dad goes easy on Sakyo for some reasons)

Sakyo’s mother: Thank you for always taking care of my son.

Azami: Ah, no–– I’m the one that should be saying that?

Juza: Ma’am too, thanks for always sending me food and supporting me.

Sakyo’s mother: Don’t mind it. I’m also glad to hear from Sakyo that you enjoyed eating them. I’ll send you some delicious food next time. 

So, is there something you want to talk to me about today?

Juza: It is. It’s from Azami––

Azami: Actually, Sakyo’s sister came to our dorm the other day…

Sakyo’s mother: Eh? Miyako came?

Azami: I just happened to be there listening to the story with Sakyo, but about the wedding photoshoot, why don’t you want to do it?

Sakyo’s mother: That was why Miyako came to your dorm? I’m embarrassed…

Of course I’m happy to know that child’s feelings for me but… Even if it feels like celebrating a wedding ceremony when taking a wedding photoshoot now, my embarrassment will seem to win over joy. 

Most of the time I don’t know what to do, even when taking photos with the wedding dress on. I’m so embarrassed that I can’t stand just staying there.

Juza: This wedding photoshoot, is kinda similar to a wedding, then they’re gonna do stuff like vowing or like… Ki-kissing right?

Azami: Ju, Juza-san, have you ever seen it?

Juza: I’ve been to my relative’s wedding before…

Azami: Really…

Sakyo’s mother: Fufu. I’m too old to do things like wearing a wedding dress and kissing after taking the oath. That’s impossible. It’s embarrassing, and I can’t do that in front of my children.

But I appreciate your concern. You came all the way here instead of that clumsy Sakyo, right? 

It seems that that child also wants to be filial to me in his own ways but… He has shown me enough filial piety just by him doing his best standing on stage with such kind companions like this.

Azami: …

(If she says so, then we won’t be able to say anything. But even if it’s just a little, if she still has a longing for wearing a dress…)

(I think it’s better for both Sakyo and his mother not to regret doing nothing after all. It’s just that me butting in their story is kinda…)

Juza: …It’s true that you wanted to try on a wedding dress before, right?

Sakyo’s mother: That is true. However, if I were young, I might be able to wear a dress following the momentum.

But now I really can’t imagine myself in a dress, and there is no dress that will look good on me then. For now, I don’t have the courage to wear it. 

Juza: A dress that suits you…

Azami: (Shall I talk about Yuki-san’s advice then…? But is it right to impose my sympathetic feelings for my Mom on Sakyo and his mother without their permission like this, I’m not sure…)

Sakyo’s mother: You really don’t need to worry. I’m happy enough that you thought about it for me after all.

*Shifts to train*

Juza: How to say… She is such a stubborn one. 

I can understand the feeling of wanting to give up ‘cause you’re inappropriate for something. I also had that feeling ‘bout the stage a long time ago. 

No one told me anything, but I overthought so much on my own that I couldn’t even take a step forward. But now I know that it’d be a waste to think you can’t do such things, and to not be able to do something you really wanna do. 

If you might regret doing nothing later after bottling up your feelings, I think it’s definitely better to take the plunge and give it a try.

Azami: About that, I also understand…

(But I couldn’t say a word earlier… About the advice Yuki-san told me, and the cards too… I couldn’t say anything.)

*At Mankai dorm*

Azami: Director, do you have a moment?

Izumi: Azami-kun, is there something?

Azami: I’d like to try a new makeup plan, so could you lend me a hand as the practice model?

Izumi: Sure! Here, you can come in.

*Shifts to Izumi’s room*

Azami: …

Izumi: …How was it, being the lead after quite a long time?

Azami: …Everything feels different from when I played the lead in DEAD/UNDEAD. At that time I was inexperienced, so I was just trying as hard as I could, but it’s fun and also tough that I understand lots of things now.

Izumi: You’ve become more reliable. By the way, I heard that you went to meet Sakyo-san’s mother with Juza-kun today, right? 

Azami: Yeah, but why do you––

Izumi: To be sure, Juza-kun informed me in advance that he would meet someone outside the theater troupe today.

Azami: Is that so…

(Juza-san is amazing when it comes to things like this…)

Izumi: By any chance, did you talk about what the younger sister said the other day?

Azami: …Yes.  Sakyo himself plainly refused her, and I know it’s not something that I should stick my nose into but… I couldn’t help but remember my mother. Because she also said that she had yearned for a wedding dress back then.

Izumi: I see…

Azami: With Yuki-san’s advice, I also searched for dresses with a calm impression that might suit her age.

I met her in person today, and then ended up coming up with the makeup plan for her even though no one asked me to do it… I couldn’t say a thing in the end because I thought it might be intrusive for her, if I do say so myself.

Maybe, instead of Sakyo’s mother, I was just thinking about what my Mom couldn’t do when she was alive. But it’s just my ego being selfish.

Izumi: …But I think that Sakyo-san’s mother will be happy about how Azami-kun feels too. 

It’s true that everyone has things that they want to do for someone but cannot do it, right. About that, I don't think it's wrong to think of doing things for someone when you have a chance. 

In order not to regret this time, let’s try our best to be more kind to someone–– 

In that way, if you keep conveying your compassion to person after person, you will grow as a human being, and such feelings will be reciprocated and keep being conveyed, just like a circulation. 

Rather, perhaps for that reason, people will always remember their regret of things like “If I had done it back then” or “I should have done it that time”.

Even if it’s just your ego being kind to a certain someone, isn’t it able to be considered as a great love. 

Azami: Love…

Izumi: If there is something that Azami-kun wants to do for Sakyo-san’s mother, I think it’s alright to follow what your heart says. However, you should talk to Sakyo-san about it. Sakyo-san’s feelings also matter, right.

Azami: …But he wasn’t too interested in this either, and he told me not to do anything.

Izumi: Then why don’t you carefully ask him whether those words were spoken from the bottom of his heart or not? 

Azami: …Understood.

Translator’s note: 

(*) She was talking about Azami’s favorite food - kuroame (lit. black candy). Kuroame is a kind of hard black sugar candy.

(**) The word Sakyo’s mother uses is “秋組推し” (Akigumi oshi) so I translate the “oshi” part into “stan” (which is a term from Kpop). 

(***) Reference to Sakyo’s MANKAI Memory backstage

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Previous || Next

[erin-bo-berin]

Couple of things in response to your anon queries over the last few days:

- Joe’s playing a prominent recurring character in Fargo. He’s Gator Tillman, the son of the main character, corrupt sheriff Roy Tillman (John Hamm). You’ll be getting more than one episode, don’t worry about that! Also - and I’m sorry if you already know this, but just to clarify- it’s not set in 2019, not the old west. I think people got the cowboy idea because Noah Hawley wrote an (excellent) article for The Atlantic called “It’s High Noon in America,” which was both a political commentary, and a reflection on how entertainment contributes to issues like distrust of authority by creating heroes who go against the system etc. In it, he shared a sample of S5 dialogue between Roy and Gator, which mentioned “high noon”:

Gator: “I swear to God, him versus me, man to man, and I'd wipe the floor with him.”

Roy: “What, like high noon? That only happens in the movies, son. In real life they slit your throat waiting for the light to change.”

I mean, Joe might still be playing a cowboy-ish type character if he works on a ranch I suppose? But as far as I know, there’s nothing to suggest that’s the case.

- Joe is well positioned to have a great career after ST ends. I’m a bit puzzled as to why anyone’s concerned for him to be honest! Free Guy was very well received and many reviews specifically mentioned Joe’s charm and his lovely chemistry with Jodie. One critic even said - and I quote - “Joe Keery proves he’s going to be just fine when Stranger Things ends.” Add to that, although Spree was controversial, it was still received more positive reviews than less glowing ones (thanks, tomatometer), and even negative reviews of the film praised Joe’s performance.

So that’s recent history. Looking at his current work, he has two films in the can, is currently filming Fargo, then starts Cold Storage, and then in 2024 goes back to filming ST. The guy is as busy as an actor could hope for. Going forward, even if none of the films make an impact (and that’s a big ‘if’, because I suspect Cold Storage at least is going to do very well), Fargo will raise his profile even higher than it already is.

Oh, and then there’s his music. We all know he’s genuinely talented in that regard, and so do the critics. But he’s deliberately flown under the radar with it, and so many people are missing out. Djo doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page for crying out loud. Maya Hawke, who has less than a third of the Spotify listeners Djo has, has a wiki page for each album! No hate for Maya - her stuff’s not my thing but it’s cool. I just think Joe’s music manager (who’s different to his acting one) is sleeping on that front.

Sorry for the Joe Keery essay. I’m just a huge supporter because he’s so talented, and is also genuinely lovely. People who’ve worked with him want to do it again, in large part because of his personality. We know the combination of those traits is what changed the trajectory of his character in ST, which was a remarkable thing in of itself. David Harbour, Brett Gelman, and Kevin Pollack have all pointed out how unusual it was, and praised both Joe and the Duffer Bros for it. It’s kind of refreshing to see someone in Hollywood getting rewarded for being a decent person, in addition to having acting abilities.

Joe deserves every success. Long may it continue!

Oh wow thanks for all the info! I’ve never seen Fargo but man I will happily watch it to see him in it.

I’m so excited for him in Cold Storage. I ended up reading the book after someone on here told me it was actually a book first and Joe is just gonna nail the character. Teacake is such a loveable dork lol

I agree though! He’s been doing so good even without ST fame. He’s gotten some big projects coming up and a handful at that. Also his music to keep him busy too and it really is such a shame that his music is so underrated because his music really is so good 🥺

[yridenergyridenergy]

Hi again! It’s the anon that asked about kyo online last month - figured I’d give an update. Sadly, it looks like I may not be able to get membership, at least not for very long. I’ve tried gmail, yahoo, outlook, aol, and Comcast email addresses and none of them managed to get the registration link. I even tried my mother’s current college email - nothing. I tried whitelisting the @freewill.com addresses provided on the site, but still nothing came through. Some people on the original post also mentioned that they were able to email support and got help setting up an account, but it looks like I have no such luck. I sent an email from my gmail and my yahoo account, and after weeks of checking spam, it’s been radio silence. I also tried to register an account for utakata, which was successful, but it would not let me “log in” to kyo online. Unfortunately, I don’t have any other mobile accounts as this was the first time I tried to sign up for them. As a last resort, I decided to log in to my old college email to see if it would get a link despite being a gmail account - it did, but the account will be deactivated by my college at the end of August. I might try to send staff an email through that account and see if they can get one of my other email addresses registered instead, or if I can register that email and then have them change the account to a different address.

That said, thank you for answering my original questions, and thanks to everyone who commented under the post for all of the suggestions! Even though nothing has worked yet, I’m glad to at least give it a solid try! (And as always, thank you for your posts and thank you for the reports lately!)

Thank you for the update, even though it's a puzzling and sad one. I'm sure that your fan club account will continue to exist even after you lose access to your school email address, but obviously one of the attractions of being a member is to be notified first about news by email, or receive stuff for your birthday, so you would miss that chunk.

I just can't believe that Free-Will has let this major issue continue for over a year now, simply blaming several email providers for their strict junk mail filters. I haven't heard whether it stopped working for Japanese fans too, but hopefully Free-Will gets off its ass once they realise the loss in revenue...

[atlanticcanada]

Shelburne County N.S. resident whose home was destroyed by wildfire calls past month extremely difficult

As Melissa Nickerson stands in front of the shell of her former home in Thomasville, N.S., it’s hard not to become emotional.

“I’ve been very good. But when you think about what you’ve lost, it’s hard,” she said.

The white fence at the front of the property stands untouched. The brick chimney is still upright. Two small blue rocks next to the front garden are also OK. But the bungalow where Nickerson and her husband and two children lived since 2011 is destroyed.

All they could salvage was a small ceramic Christmas tree, part of a book and an art project her daughter made years ago.

The Nickerson family’s home was one of 60 homes and cottages destroyed in the Barrington Lake wildfire in June. Dozens of other structures such as sheds are also gone across Shelburne County.

“The past month has been extremely difficult but I’ve seen my community come together and support us all that have lost their home, or property," Nickerson said. "Some people lost their barns. Some people lost their cars. Then there’s those of us who lost all of our possessions and our belongings."

Nickerson considers herself lucky in a way because her family still has a roof over their heads. They’re living at their cottage for now and someone in the community offered a house to rent. Their destroyed bungalow was also insured.

“There are several people in the community who didn’t have insurance who have to start from scratch,” she said.

Still, the Victorian Order of Nurses home care worker of more than two decades admits this past month has been very difficult and knows the process of rebuilding is also a mental journey.

“It’s a difficult process to think about rebuilding. Thinking about getting a new house. What’s that going to look like?” Nickerson said. “Do I want a new house? No. I’d love to have my old house with my stuff. But going forward I have to come to terms that that former life is gone.”

Over the past month, Nickerson has faced a mix of emotions. Devastation over losing her home. Happiness over the kindness of strangers and her community.

The Sandy Wickens Memorial Arena in the Municipality of Barrington is a symbol of the support her community received. Clothes, food, gift cards and more poured into from all over the province. On Friday afternoon, the arena was still full of piles of donated items from baby items to clothes and toiletries.

“We’ve had support from our family, friends, businesses, people that I don’t even know have supported us, helped us out,” she said. “We’ve received money, gift cards, clothing.”

Nickerson said the day she learned her house burnt down, two ladies found her family at their cottage to give them clothes and gift cards.

“And at that time, one of those ladies was from this area and she didn’t know if she had a home or not, but out of the kindness of their heart, came to give us stuff,” Nickerson said.

Since the wildfire began, Nickerson has been off work as a VON and notes her employer has been very understanding.

“They realize the mental journey that I’m on and I’m looking forward to going back to work but I’ve just had to have some time to deal with this process," she said.

Nickerson says she’s extremely thankful for all of the support, kindness and love her family has received thus far.

“And for people to keep those of us who lost everything in their thoughts as the days and months go on,” she said.

from CTV News - Atlantic https://ift.tt/RT0if3J

[llazyneiph]

I thought EA would have addressed this by now so I didn’t mean to keep anyone hanging for 2 days but I’ve come to a decision about early access.

As I’ve always kept in line with EA TOU - I will continue to do so, I will be removing early access from patreon and replacing it with other ways to thank you for pledging. 

All of my CC and smaller mods will be free from day 1 (which I did most of the time before anyway) For my much larger mods I will be taking a leaf out of SimRealists book and I will be holding beta testing on Discord with a version of the mod that is not finished enough for public release, then I will fix all reported bugs and upload the finished and final version for free either to my website which is currently being built or patreon if the file is too large (e.g. RM). Some of my mods are massive and need extensive testing (don’t even get me started on SURVIVE!... I have no idea how long that will take to test omg).

I think this is in-line with the TOU? Anything on discord is in an unfinished state and will not be the final version of the mod. If it isn’t then I will make sure to change it! :) I still really hope that EA makes a post legally defining this as the post is so vague and we’ve been getting mixed responses from the live chat (they can’t speak for anything on the legal side of EA anyway).

New Rewards

- I am currently looking into patron's physical reward system, e.g. stickers and stuff and seeing if that would financially viable for me. - I’ve also added small mod requests - Tutorial requests to one of my tiers (these are on tier 3 purely just because I wouldn’t be able to keep up with requests if I added it to the others)

Become a Modder series

I am also currently making a ‘Become a Modder’ series on Youtube to help people learn how to create mods for TS4! If this interests you, I would really appreciate it if you subscribed to the channel! I am also going to be making written tutorials too, if you prefer those!

New site

I’m currently building a new site on squarespace, where I’m going to be hosting most of CC and mods with their how-to guides and installation instructions all in one easy to find place! (I had such a bad experience with the old site that I thought it wasn’t worth it lol, but squarespace is going pretty good so far!) Hopefully I can enable adsense on that down the line to at least cover the cost of the site’s monthly hosting fee. 

I hope you feel these new rewards are worthwhile for your pledge! I know many of you pledged to me just purely out of your own generosity and some of you have sent me the loveliest messages. I just want to thank you for that. Like, so much. I hope that no one feels like it was ever my intention to take advantage of the community or that I only made mods for money - that was never ever my intention. I made (the shittiest lol) cc for TS3 long before I ever got into modding, purely because I loved it and thought it was so fucking cool to be able to do that.

If anything I posted or if me waiting to see what the legal terms were surrounding this were left a bad taste in your mouth, I apologize. To be told you may no longer have an income when you can’t work is terrifying and I hope people can relate to that.  All I could see was people no longer supporting me because I couldn’t offer early access but I’ve received so many beautiful messages and comments telling me otherwise. I hope I have still earnt your pledges and continue to do so.

If you’ve pledged to me in the past, or currently do, or plan to - from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I will always be transparent about the fact that I am currently able to support myself because of the kind people in this community and I am so grateful for that. Hopefully I will be able to sort my health issues out soon and get back into the workforce!

Thanks, Seb :)

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Appointment Scheduled

Summary- 2.7k Ransom Drysdale x Reader. Since that night at your parents, you haven't been to see Ransom. Not that he wasn't always on your mind. But you continue to defend your 'FWB' term that is all he is. Ransom gets tired of receiving physical silence from you.

So he made himself an appointment.

Warnings- somewhat mad mean Ransom, reader in denial of her feelings, some in the office over the desk sex. This is a cheater fic, the reader is cheating on her boyfriend and Ransom is encouraging this. Please if this bothers you, do not read it.

A/N- another self-indulgent fic featuring these two? Yes please, it's what I wanted, so it's what I wrote. As always, thank you for reading, comments and reblogging. You all have to thank @sagechanoafterdark for Ellie showing up in the story. We were talking that the reader needs a best friend who is like "Duh, you two are meant to be, it is so obvious." to our reader.

Masterlist

“Ellie no I haven't seen him since my dad's birthday party. I mean a few messages here and there, but nothing more about meeting up.”

You hear your best friend scoff on the other line. She was your confidante, your tried and true, better or worse, the bitch who will help you bury the body friend.

She also lacked sugar coating anything.

“Well, you two are just dumb. One of you has to open that line of conversation, might as well be you.”

You hit the button to the lift, sighing into the phone as you watched the numbers ding. “I don’t know what conversation you are talking about El.”

“Uh, the one where you two have been in love with each other since basically middle school? The one where whenever you feel lonely, that's the man you call? Or how about the one how he runs to you whenever you even put out a HINT that you might need him? That one Y/N.”

“We are just fuck buddies-”

“Really good, rock your world, the best sex and head you’ve ever gotten, buddy. Right?” Ellie’s tone is dripping with sarcasm now and you pinch your nose in aggravation while stepping onto the elevator.

“Exactly like that.” You go a bit quiet. “Listen, I’m at work, so talk later, okay?”

“Sure, I miss you. I wish you would move back to the city.” Ellie softened her tone a bit. “Girls weekend soon? I love you.”

“I love you too and of course!” You hit the end button and stuff it in your bag, staying quiet the rest of the ride up.

Working as a lawyer's assistant wasn’t too bad. Although it's often said couples shouldn't work together, you hardly saw Neil while you were there. He was usually in some kind of pissing match with another DA in the building, which made for some interesting rants from him when he got home.

You dutifully listened, but with little interest. They got old and boring, which was how you were feeling in this ‘safe relationship.’

Really you felt something must be fucked up with you. Neil was a good guy, supportive, he didn't have much of a jealous streak, although you wished once in a while he would get a bit riled up about when someone was checking you out when the two of you went out for a date night. Everything was stable in your relationship, aside from the fact you basically were away to Ransom's bed any chance you could.

Then there was Ransom. The man you were able to actually swear yourself off from two years straight and got your life in order.

So you thought. It took one drink and conversation to fall back to where you two were two years ago. Only this time you found him missing him while you were away, thinking about him more.

You opened your office door and propped it open for your boss's clients to come inside and wait, your boss's door opened on the other side. Shaking off your over-the-top feelings going on, you went to pour Johanna's coffee and grab the files for today's cases. She was on the phone, so you just set them down with a small wave of your hand and settled behind the desk to get started transferring her notes into the system.

Ransom though was never far from your mind when you gave your cell the occasional glance.

Lunchtime approached which meant you would meet up with Neil and head to the small cafe on the corner. He would ask you about your work, you would ask him about his. There would be pleasantries shared. You sighed once more to yourself at the thought of it.

Johanna closed her door with a sudden click. You jumped a bit in surprise as she shouldered her handbag. “You okay Dear?” The woman asked kindly and you smiled, brushing it off.

“Caught up in these files.”

“Ah, yes there is a lot with this case. Sorry about all the extra notes. I know it's a tad boring. But take your break, stay out with Neil a little extra. It's a nice day and you've earned it.” She smiled kindly.

“I will be sure to, maybe Neil and I can breeze around the park before returning.” Fat chance… you thought as you smiled kindly at your boss as she took her leave. You picked at your cell phone, working your lip about to message Neil that you would meet him when a rather loud distinctive tone filled the entryway to your and Johanna's office.

“I have a meeting lined up with Johanna Klein, if you could let her assistant know that Ransom Drysdale is here to see her.”

Dropping your cell phone, forgetting about Neil, you rise out of your seat and go to your door, peering out. Ransom is leaning against the desk to the receptionists of the lawyer's offices explaining how it was your lunchtime and you were out of the building.

Ransom’s voice was about to release, you could see him drawing in the air to make himself a bit more imposing at the idea that he wasn’t allowed to see you when his icy orbs lifted from the receptionist to you, a perfect smirk crossing those pale pink lips that could be so soft at the moment while dropping venom just as easily. “She looks like she is available to me.”

The receptionist spun her chair to see you in the doorway. “It’s okay, Johanna booked him as the last one this morning.” You lied while Ransom made his way around the desk to enter your office. The receptionist looked like she was about to say something more when you quickly clicked the door closed and pulled the shade over the frosted glass to keep from anyone seeing the two of you in there.

“What are you doing here Ransom?” You ask yet again, while he was leaning against the desk with his arms folded over his chest.

“I have an appointment. Seems it's the only way to properly see you again.” He pushed up the sleeves of his long sleeves over muscled forearms. You being you, was absolutely unable to take your eyes off that action.

“Well, I’ve been busy and you never made mention of it again.”

“Kitten…” His tone lowered with a warning. “I didn't think I had to imply that you could come over whenever. But if I'm going to have to do it this way from now on.” He pushed off the desk to stalk the small space to you. “Guess that's what I will do. Book my appointments between-” a slight snarl darkened his face, the crease between his eyes deepening as his hand rested in your lower back and pushed you closer to him.

Overwhelmingly closer. His muscles through the shirt flexed under your hands coming to rest on his pecs and his cologne made your mouth water with the familiarity. The scent of bergamot and cedar gave an almost smoky scent, a touch of sweetness with vanilla had you inching closer to Ransom. “- your time with Neil.”

Your eyes flashed angrily at him then, pulling back a bit in his hold. “What does it matter to you, Ransom?”

“It doesn't. Like I told you before Kitten, you and I will never be over.”

“Feels a lot like jealousy to me then.” You spat a bit. “Since we're just this.” You shrugged a bit, now your temper is getting the best of you. “What was it that Ellie said to me this morning. Fuck buddies.”

“Your term, not mine Kitten.” Ransom yanked you in close again, this time his kiss was a lot different than that night in your bedroom. It was harsh and demanding, forcing you to open your mouth to him and swallow his passion. “You know fucking Neil is skating on thin ice, keeping you all the time.” He shoved you roughly against your desk, your hands flying to the paperwork you were working on before and it went flying for the most part. Some of it fisted in your hand as your ass arched out and pressed against Ransom's groin, making you hiss when he jerked your hips further back.

“Neil is technically my-” You started when a hand slapped over your mouth, fingers digging into your cheeks roughly.

All of it was turning you on, making your thighs squeeze together and you breathe harshly through your nose the more excited you got. “Don’t say it Kitten. Not right now, this is my time. Remember. I made an appointment.”

You felt your skirt get rucked up around your hips and Ransom leaned over, his chest pressing into your back as he flushed hot kisses on your neck, a yank to your shirt dragged your shirt over your shoulder. It wasn't gentle kisses, it was deep leave his mark there that was making you tilt your head and push back into him once more while he fumbled with his own pants to yank them open.

“Yes, yes your appointment. Did you miss this pussy?” You purred, mimicking the nickname you had earned. His fingers pushed aside the bit of cotton that was now sticky clinging to your folds and he stroked you with precision, spreading your slick all around till he swirled a finger against your clit.

“Enough to come searching your ass out.” He remarked when you felt his cock take over where his fingers were, thicker, velvet hardness in your soft folds make you mewl while gripping your desk's edge.

It was the right call, as soon as Ransom felt you start to take him, he pressed harder. Making you both hiss, your head falling against your desk as he stretched you open, his cock filling you quickly. His teeth sunk into your shoulder, registering the sting of it when he rutted into you, slamming your hips into the desk suddenly. “Fuck Ransom,” You hissed out and bit your lip to stifle a moan.

“This perfect round ass that is so fuckable.” His hand came against a cheek while his hips slammed into you steadily. Jerking you on the desk. But it all felt so good, the stink of the slap making you tighten around his cock while you gave a yelp in protest.

Again his hand came around your mouth, stuffing fingers in your mouth which you wrapped your lips around and sucked on them, making your eyes roll when you tasted yourself on them. “Shut it Kitten, suck yourself off me like a good girl while I fill this perfect cunt.” Ransom snapped his teeth near your ear. You moaned, trying to confirm that you would, you would do just as he said while he fucked you harshly from behind.

It clouded your mind, forgetting everything you had been stressed about all morning. Ransom's cock pounded into your wanting body like it was all you ever needed. Your smooth walls flexed around him, tightening till you felt the throbbing ridges that dragged and pulled through you.

It wasn't just his cock driving you mindless. It was the grunted words in your ear. “Perfect little clock slut, Kitten you love getting fucked on your desk don’t you?” He hissed in your ear as another drive made you moan incoherent at him. “Just so cock drunk slut, who is too stupid to answer me.” A tongue was dragged on your tongue, kisses right at the hinge of your jaw made you whine and press back against him. He knew that it drove you crazy to feel the flush of his lips along your neck, driving you mindless. “Just my sweet little Kitten taking it so well.”

All you could do was mewl around his fingers stuffed in your mouth, drool escaping from the corners of your stretched lips and dribbling on the paperwork you had crumpled in your fists. Your chest pressed harshly against the desk, making you wheeze under Ransom’s weight. It was smothering, him all over caging you against the furniture, pumping his cock harshly into your core and your mouth stuffed with his fingers keeping you quiet.

It was too much and not enough, cause you still weren't quite there. The heat burned in your belly, wanting to implode you into oblivion. Ransom gritted his teeth as he wedged a hand under you, fingers feeling for your throbbing clit that ached for his touch.

The roll of his fingers made you moan at the tension. The rush made your spine snap and fight against Ransom, which he felt as you squealed in protest, his teeth snapping near you while he sputtered.

“Just fucking cum Kitten, then you can relax. Your boss will be back any time now.” Nearby you glanced at your phone that somehow was still on the table, the time wavering in your sight, as well as some ‘Where are you?’ texts from Neil.

Ransom wanted you to relax and cum, which is what you wanted as well. The numbing release was right there with his help and you let go. The wave was mind blanking. You sagged under Ransom, and he tightened his hold on you as he used you. But you were in bliss as he grunted over you, hot shots of cum filling you while he sagged in relief against you.

Jerks of his cock still quivered your sensitive walls as he took a few last slow pumps into you before he plated his hands against your messy desk and pulled himself up, pulling out of your messy cunt.

“Gonna have to go the rest of the day like that Kitten.” He chuckled as he straightened your panties back in place and pulled your skirt down over your ass. His hand went around your waist and he helped guide you back to a stand to face him. Brushes of his thumbs over your face was an attempt to fix your makeup which made you wince while you rubbed the drool from your chin.

“How bad is it?”

Ransom winced when you asked. “Pretty bad… looks like you've been crying… or got properly fucked. Take your pick.” He said as his hands dropped to pull his pants back in place and zip them back up, the button going back through the loop.

It was unfair that Ransom didn't get completely ruined like you did when this sort of thing happened. You rushed around your desk to grab some wet wipes to wipe the smudged lipstick and mascara off.

‘You know… I never have this problem with Neil.” You muttered and Ransom snapped back as he watched you, leaning down to pick up some of the papers that fell and shuffle them together while you did a quick reapplication so no one would question it.

“Kitten, obviously the man isn't fucking you right then.” A smirk flashed up at you as he handed you your papers and you were quick to tuck them away.

You broke into a small dirty smile, a roll of your eyes playing with him. “Well… you are correct in that Ransom. Now split, Johanna will be back soon.”

“Nope." A pop of the p that made you huff at him. "I have an appointment Y/N.” He swept down into a seat just as Johanna clicked open the door and stepped back in.

“Y/N, did you have a good lunch? I didn’t expect to see you back so soon. But I was told my next client is here.” She glanced towards the corner of the room where Ransom was picking at his sweater. “Mr. Drysdale, come on in with me, please? We will get started.” She smiled warmly as she went around your desk to let herself into her office, Ransom moving to a stand with a chipper.

“Absolutely, thrilled to get started. Y/N here has been a perfect host in the meantime.” He winked at you with a light brush of his fingers along your arm before disappearing into Johanna’s office, the door shutting behind them.

You could only begin to guess what Ransom was up to coming all the way here. Which you would find out later, either from Ransom or Johanna.

Right now you had to deal with standing up Neil, which when you picked up your phone, chewing your lip that you still could taste yourself on from Ransom’s fingers, you read the message.

Y/N, where are you? I have been waiting for an hour for you.

You started to text out your lie of an excuse hoping that this wouldn't be the day it would all blow up in your face.

[m00nchild-02]

Daisies | jjk (m)

pairing: jungkook x reader

rating: 18+

word count: 7.2k

genre: strangers to lovers, flower boy au, smut, fluff

summary: As a college student desperately looking for a part time job to earn some money you bump into the opportunity to work at a cute little flower shop nearby. Never did you ever think you would fall in love with the owner’s handsome son, Jeon Jungkook.

warnings: smut, oral sex (f receiving), teasing, praising, dirty talk, penetrative sex (Never forget to wrap that willy first before using it kiddos), fingering, very soft dom Jungkook (He’s a real gentleman in this story :’))

a/n: Hello, hello! This is your favourite autor here! This is my first story on Tumblr here (I’ve made stories on Wattpad before so I’m familiar with writing ffs) I hope you love my first jjk one shot on here and give it a lot of support.

enjoy reading!

masterlist

“Please Mrs Oh! I really need this job. If you want I can even come work at Sunday’s and Saturday’s!” You pleaded the woman in front of you, hoping she would give you another chance. After looking for a job for a good two months you finally found one at a local cafe but today it seems like you really fucked up.

“I’m sorry y/n but it has already been the 5th glass these past weeks and the second plate you’ve dropped just now. I know you’re a nice girl and have good intentions but a job as waitress just doesn't seem to fit you.” She explained to you. You sighed and looked down. She’s right. You’re not one of the handiest and you have dropped some stuff on the ground before. Maybe a job as waitress indeed didn't fit you that well. You took off your apron and gave it to Mrs Oh. “Sorry for the glasses and the plates..” You said softly, taking your defeat.

“I’ll pay you at the end of the week and I’ll give you some extra so you'll be able pay your rent this month.” You nodded. “Thank you, Mrs Oh.” You said as you bow at the older lady. “I hope you find another job soon.” She said.

You nodded and smiled at her before you walked towards the entrance of the cafe. “Me too Mrs Oh. Me too...”

And just like 3 weeks ago you started looking for a job again. You really needed a part time job. Your parents promised to pay your first year of rent when you went to college but you both agreed you would pay rent the remaining years following after. You had been in college for already two years, your third year starting next month. The first year you had to pay your own rent went very well. Your mom helped you to find a decent and well paid job at a bakery. But sadly the bakery went bankrupt two months ago so that’s why you were in desperate need of finding a new job. Then you found the sweet lady Mrs Oh but again you had to get fired. Not this time because of a bankruptcy but because you’re too clumsy when it comes to fragile stuff.

A week passed by and you still had nothing. You went to local stores, supermarkets, bakeries, butcheries, ... But no one seemed to need a part timer at the moment.

As you were making your way through the streets you decided to go take a break from searching and go for a drink at the old cafe you still worked at a week ago.

“If it isn’t our y/n!” Mrs Oh said as she walked over towards your table. “How are you girl? Already found something new?” She asked. You shook your head. “Not yet, but I’m looking.” You answered. “Aigoo,” She said. “I hope you’ll find something soon. You’re such a sweet girl. Now, what can I get you?”

“A latte, please.” You answered her. “A latte coming right up!” She said before disappearing to get some other orders and then go make your drink.

After a few minutes she came back with your drink. “Here you go sweetie.”  She said as she placed the hot latte in front of you. “Thank you.” She didn’t go away when you thanked her. Instead she went to sit down opposite you. “I would like to help you y/n. I know you’ve only worked here for two/three weeks but you’re a good person and you deserve to be helped.” She said. Then she took out a card and slide it over the table towards you. “Jeon’s Greenhouse..” You read aloud. “A flower shop?” You asked her. She nodded. “I know the owner, Mrs Jeon. She’s a nice woman but lately she get’s a lot of requests for bouquets and other stuff. I’m sure she could use some help. Maybe you could go check there?”

You looked at the card in your hands, nervously fiddling with the edges. A flower shop. It didn’t sound that bad. And from looking at the address it’s also pretty close to where you live. Maybe you could give it a shot yeah. “Thank you so much Mrs Oh. I’ll never forget your kindness.” You said as she smiled at you. “You’re welcome sweetie.” She said as she stood up and went back to work.

Once you finished your latte you wanted to pay but Mrs Oh refused to take your money, saying it’s on the house. You thanked her again for everything before going back home to your apartment. Once there you took the little card out of your pocket and looked at it again. There was also a phone number and email written on the back. “I’ll call tomorrow and see how it goes.” You told yourself. Today had been a long day and you sure needed some rest after looking for a job all day.

The next day you found yourself in front of the cute little flower shop. Jeon’s Greenhouse. You called the owner this morning and like Mrs Oh said, she was a really nice woman. She invited you over immediately after talking a bit on the phone, wanting to meet you in person. And so you ended up here in front of her flower shop.

You walked in, a little bell ringing as you opened the door. You walked passed the many flowers and bouquets before ending up at the counter of the shop. A few daisies put in a vase next to the till. You softy brushed your fingertips over the small flowers. “They’re beautiful aren't they?” You looked up as a voice spoke. A middle aged woman standing in the doorway behind the counter, giving you a sweet smile. You smiled back at her. “Yes, they are.”

“In a few weeks they’ll be everywhere in the fields on the country side. It’s beautiful to go watch and take some pictures there.” She said as she walked closer. “You must be y/n, right?” She asked. You nodded. “Nice to meet you y/n. My name is Mrs Jeon but feel free to call me whatever you want. Eomma, Ahjuma, ...” She said, shaking your hand. “It’s nice to meet you too Mrs Jeon.” You answered.

“So, I heard from Mrs Oh you’re looking for a part time job?” She asked. You nodded. “I am. I worked for Mrs Oh before at the cafe but the job didn’t really fit me.” You said thinking back at your little failures there. Mrs Jeon nodded. “I see.. Well flowers should be no problem. Can’t break that easy if you drop them.” She said, giving you a playful wink. “Just watch out with the pots then.” You laughed. “I will.”

“So, when will you be able to start?” She suddenly asked. “S-Start? Like in, I got the job?!” You asked surprised. She nodded, smiling brightly. “I can't see why not. I could really use some extra pair of hands here and you need the money so why not? And as far as I’ve seen and heard you’re a nice girl. I would love for you to work here.” She said. You smiled and went in for a hug. “Oh, thank you Mrs Jeon! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much!” You said. The woman laughing while hugging you back. “Haha, you’re welcome my child. Anything to help a girl in need.”

“Now, I’ll need you on Mondays, Thursdays and Friday, if that’s alright?” She asked and you nodded. “And btw, do you know anything about flowers?” She asked. “Not really..” You answered as you nervously rubbed the back of your neck. “But I’m always willing to learn.” You said, hoping she wouldn't change her mind of hiring you just because your lack of knowledge about flowers.

“Good,” She said. “Tomorrow is Friday. You can start then if you want. My son will be here too. He always helps me out and Fridays and sometimes also in the weekend. You should meet him and he can also learn you a bit about the flowers here in the shop.” She said. You nodded, listening to everything Mrs Jeon had to say. She told you already a bit about the shop and the flowers and what kind of work you will be doing and about her son.

His name is Jungkook and he is 2 years older then you. Mrs Jeon wouldn't be at the shop tomorrow so her son will be giving you tasks and the knowledge about flowers that you need to know. He’ll also help you fill in the papers for the job, she said.

After a long but nice talk with Mrs Jeon it was finally time for you to go back home to get some rest so you would be fresh and well for your first day at your new job. You were already looking forward to it.

The next morning, just like promised, you walked into the flower shop. Ready to start your first day. You looked at the many beautiful flowers, standing still in front of the roses. They looked so good. Mrs Jeon must take really good care of all these, you thought. You walked a bit further and took a flower out of a water pot, smelling it. “They smell good don’t they?” You quickly turned around as the unknown voice spoke. You looked at the man in front of you with big eyes, the flower clamped between your fingers. The man laughed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said softly. “My name is Jungkook. I’m Mrs Jeon’s son.” He said afterwards, making you feel a bit at ease again.

So this was Jungkook. He was pretty handsome for his age, you must admit. Dark brown wavy hair, matching brown eyes. He was slightly bigger then you. He was wearing a white shirt, black pants and a grey apron with leather brown straps. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up exposing his strong arms. He must have been working out to get all those muscles.

You looked back at his face and he gave you a sweet smile. “You must be y/n right?” He asked and you nodded. “Y-yeah, I am.” You answered. His smile widened more at your answer. He had such a beautiful smile. It gave you a warm and welcoming feeling. Just like with his mother. “My mom told me your knowledge about flowers is still lagging a bit. Let’s go fix that first and then you can go to work.” He said.”I’m looking forward to work with you y/n.” He said, smiling one more time before turning around and walking towards the back of the shop. He suddenly stopped and turned back around as he stood there in the door opening. “By the way,” He said. “that flower you’re holding right now is called a white jasmine. They have a really sweet alluring smell. You should smell them in the evening, then they smell the best.” He smiled. You put the flower back in his pot and then followed Jungkook towards the back of the shop. His smile making you smile too without you knowing. Behind the doorway there was a whole studio dedicated to making flower pieces, bouquets and so much more. Just like the front of the shop, this room was filled with flowers in pots.

“Do you like flowers y/n?” Jungkook suddenly asked. “I love plants.” You answered him. “I mean, flowers are nice. I don’t really got a special connection with them but it’s always nice to get some from the people you love and care about.” You told him.

He walked towards the flowers, stocked in water pots and then returned towards you. He gave you one flower. “Here” He said. You took the flower and looked at him confused. “Well- Thank you?” He chuckled at your response, thinking it was cute. “Every flower has its meaning. This one is a yellow rose. It’s a symbol of friendship. I hope we’ll work together well and become great friends y/n.” The boy said smiling. You smiled back at him at his sweet gesture. A yellow rose... No one has even given you roses before. It made you even blush a bit, only thinking about the thought of receiving one right now.

“Now,” Jungkook said, breaking your thoughts. “Let’s get to work shall we?” He asked and you nodded as he walked over towards the flowers, you following behind him. Today he learned you the names of a few flowers. He learned you what colours and smells fit the best together in a bouquet. You even made one together as an example. He also told you a bit about the history of the shop and about his family. To make the work a bit more fun.

He told you about the first part timer his mom hired one time and how bad he was at this. Always breaking the stems of the flowers or giving them too much water. He also told a bit about his youth and his little sister. He talked about his friends, the school band they had together. He even promised you he would take you with him one day to one of their practices so you could hear him singing.

You had such a great time with Jungkook. Listening to his stories, laughing together and getting to know each other. You were so caught up in it that you didn’t realise it was almost time to go home and say goodbye. “I hope you enjoyed today y/n.” Jungkook said as you were both standing at the counter. You aprons already hanging onto the hooks. “I really did Jungkook. Thanks for today and also a thank you for your mom to giving me this opportunity.” You said. Jungkook smiled. “You’re more then welcome y/n. Oh! before i forget. Mom told me the papers should be somewhere here.” He said as he went behind the counter to grab the papers out of a shelf. “Here they are.” He placed them onto the table with a pen. “So here is the money you will receive every month, They days you will work and here you can sign the paper.” He said, pointing out the things on the paper before handing over the pen. You signed the paper and gave then pen back. “So now you’re all set!” He said, taking the papers and putting them back in the shelf. “I’ll see you back next Friday y/n.” He said, giving you a smile. “See you next Friday Jungkook.” You said. You walked towards the front door as suddenly Jungkook shout out your name. “Y/n wait!” You turned around as the boy run over to you. “You almost forgot this.” He said, handing you the yellow rose he gave you earlier. You probably left it at the back of the shop. As he gave you back the rose your fingers slightly brushed. “Thank you Jungkook.” You answered. “Just call me kook or kookie, y/n. No need to be so formal.” He said. You nodded. “Ok. Goodnight kookie!” You said as you walked out. “Goodnight y/n-ah” He said in response. Little did you know how good he felt at you giving him that little nickname and how he was already slowly falling in love with you. And that after only knowing you for a day.

The next days in the flower shop you learned a lot. Mrs Jeon taught you some more stuff that Jungkook hadn’t and also gave you some tips and tricks. In no time you had to knowledge and techniques you needed. Sometimes Mrs Jeon would even leave the shop only to you, to go meet up with some costumers or bring some flowers for festivities. That’s how much she trusted you after working there for a few weeks. And about Jungkook? You guys became great friends and colleagues. Every passing week you became more and more comfortable around the boy. Sometimes you even fooled around with each other just like today...

 “Jeon Jungkook! Where did you hide my scissors this time?” You said, the boy acting all clueless and innocent. But you learned to look past that innocent bunny like face after a while. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have nothing.” He said, betrayed himself by turning around towards the flowers, the scissors poking out of the pockets of his pants. You went to grab them but he quickly turned around, just on time to dodge your hand trying to grab it. “Not so fast princess.” He said, giving you a smirk.

“Yah! Just give me my scissors back!” You yelled at him, trying to grab it but he always seemed to know your moves and turned to opposite way so you couldn't grab them. You were practically almost hugging the boy as you were trying to get your scissors back. He suddenly grabbed them out of his pocket and held them up high as you almost caught them out of his pants this time. You jumped towards his hand and he laughed as you couldn’t reach them. Every time you jumped and tried to grab them he took a step back so you couldn't get them until he bumped against the work table, not able to move another step backwards. As you made a last jump for it and finally got them your noses slightly brushed when you came back down. Your faces were now just one breath away. You looked at him in shock, the scissors falling onto the ground. He looked back at you, as shocked as you were. He looked so beautiful from up close. Just like an angel.

Not only your friendship for each other grow in these past weeks but also something else... Little by little you seemed to catch feelings for the sweet boy. Always when you goofed around together or you would laugh together or he would pull some shit on you like he did to you now you would feel some kind of way towards him afterwards. He made your heart raise, your cheeks turning pink, making you lost of words sometimes. It took you a while before you figured out you were actually developing feelings towards him. And now seeing him up close... Oh god.

You broke the awkward atmosphere between you two by coughing and taking a step back. “I’m sorry for that.” “It’s ok.” He almost immediately answered afterwards. You both squat down the grab the scissors, bumping your head in the process. “Sorry!” You both said simultaneously, chuckling awkwardly afterwards before standing back up. You both felt the atmosphere was a  bit awkward right now but you just ignored it and went back to work. Jungkook working on decorating a flower blanket and you working on a few bouquets to put into the front of the shop.

“Mom asked me if I wanted to go visit the flower fields this Saturday.” Jungkook said, breaking the silence. “I... I was wondering if you maybe... wanted to join me?” You turned towards him but he didn't look back, his eyes fixed on his work. You admired him for a bit as he just stared at the flowers, not doing anything. Just staring. Did he really just asked you to go do something out of the shop? Together? He suddenly turned towards you, making you look away.

Why is she always so cute. Jungkook thought while looking at you quickly looking away, your cheeks turning a light pink. He knew you were checking him out and he knew a while ago you were feeling as nervous as he did when your noses accidentally brushed. How hard it was for him to not pull you closer and kiss those pretty lips of yours right there and then. Since a few days ago, well- actually the first day he met you, he knew there was something about you. Already from that first day he felt awfully comfortable around you. Later on the boy caught himself staring more at you, always smiling when he was around you every passing day. Slowly he started developing feelings for you. And he knew it all to well.

You really walked into this shop and stole a piece of his heart. That part only growing bigger and bigger every day until it would swallow his heart completely. When his mom asked him to go take some pictures of the daisies this weekend to hang in the shop he didn’t hesitate to go ask you to join him. It would be your first time together outside the shop and work hours. He really looked forward to it and was really hoping for you to say yes and join him. You could maybe even make a date out of it, he thought for a moment.

“So what do you say?” Jungkook asked again. You turned towards him and nodded, giving him a sweet smile. “I would love to go with you take some pictures of the flower fields Jungkook.” You answered him, looking how his smile grow bigger. “Great.” He said, getting all hyper and giddy, not trying to show it much. He has this kind of sparkle in his eyes he gets when he is really excited for something, betraying him a bit. You loved to see him happy and would do anything to keep it that way.

“I’ll pick you up Saturday afternoon then.” They boy said, standing next to you. “I’ll send you my address.” You answered him before you both went back to work the biggest smile showing on both of your faces. You couldn't wait long enough for Saturday to come.

A night and a few hours later and you guys were already making your way towards the countryside. Away from the busy city. You looked out of the window of Jungkook’s car, watching the tall buildings change into high trees and the many busy people into empty, far reaching fields.

“Wah, It’s so nice to finally be out of that busy, stressful place for once and go find some peace into nature.” You said.

Jungkook smiled at seeing you so happy and relaxed. It made him feel at ease. He was happy to take you away out of your busy life for once. So you finally could forget about all your worries for a while. Today would be just about you and him. No one else. “I hope you’ll like it. You really never went to the country side at the end of summer to watch the last flower fields bloom?” He asked and you shook your head. “I haven't. But i bet it’s beautiful. And I’m sure it will be even more fun with you there too.” You said, giving him a soft smile before looking back outside. He smiled at you, concentrating on the road and sometimes taking a glance at your face.

When you finally arrived at your destination, a little cute village with even still a few traditional old Korean houses, you got out of the car. The sun shining brightly onto your skin. As you walked through a few streets of the village Jungkook lightly brushed his hand against yours before grabbing it and holding onto it. You looked at your intertwined hands and bite your lip, blushing a bit. You looked up at him as Jungkook just looked in front of him. Admiring the small but beautiful houses around him. You smiled before looking away, also admiring the cute little houses. “It must be so nice to live here.” You said. “Away from all the noise and stress, cars that are always honking, people yelling at each other on the streets. How much I would give to live in a place like this.”

“You would love to live on the countryside?” Jungkook asked and you nodded. Smiling at only thought of living here. In the quiet peaceful village. Every morning waking up with the sound of birds chirping, leaves rustling and the sun lightly shining through the curtains warm on your skin. How good that would be... Before you knew it you arrived at the end of the village and at the start of a giant field covered with daisies.

You looked at it with wondering eyes, your hand slipping out of Jungkook’s as you went to take a closer look at the flowers. Jungkook went to stand behind you. He hesitated at first, wondering if it maybe was a bit to early but eventually ended up doing it. He softly wrapped his arms around your waist, his chin resting onto your shoulder. “You like it?” He asked as you both watched the sun set behind the field. “I love it.” You answered, leaning back in his embrace. You guys hugged before but never had Jungkook hugged you like this. And it made you weirdly feel awfully comfortable. Like you could stay forever in his arms.

After a few minutes he unwrapped his arms from around you to take his camera out and take the pictures his mother asked for. Sometimes he would even take some pictures of you without you knowing. He took a few of you just admiring the flowers and from you picking a few out. You said you wanted to try to make a flower crown with it.

A while later as the sun was still going down, you sat down in the middle of another field filled with high grass and some wild flowers. You trying to make a flower crown and Jungkook admiring you, now and then making some small talk with you or laughing at your cute behaviour. He loved how your hair would softly move as the wind blew through it or how you would bite your lip when you were concentrating on putting the flowers together nicely. His heart was melting at seeing you. From that moment on he knew he was completely yours.

Once you finished the flower crown you carefully put it onto Jungkook’s head. “How do I look?” He asked. “Like a beautiful flower boy.” You said, giggling. Jungkook laughed with you, a flower falling off of the crown. “It’s not as tight as I thought it was..” You said as you picked up the flower and tried to put it back onto the crown. You leaned a bit closer as you concentrated on trying to get it back in. Jungkook grabbed your hand and pushed it back down. You looked at him confused as he took the small flower out of your hand. With his free hand he brushed some hair out of your face before putting the flower behind your ear. “There..” He said, smiling as the flower held its place. He looked into your eyes and smiled. You smiled back at him. You didn’t realise, while you were smiling at each other you were also slightly leaning into each other. Jungkook changed his gaze from staring into your eyes towards staring at your lips. How bad he wanted to feel them against his. “Y/n,” He suddenly spoke. “Yes, Jungkook?” You asked, not leaning back but staying as close as possible to him. “Can I... Can I kiss you?” The boy asked nervously, licking his lips, hoping you would let him. You nodded softly and Jungkook took this as a sign, leaning in closer and connecting his lips with yours.

You leaned into his touch, kissing him back lightly. Jungkook’s hand went from next to him towards your face. His thumb softly caressing your cheek as he carefully moved his lips against yours. His heart was beating like crazy. He looked so forward towards this exact moment. The moment you would choose him, like his heart chose you.

He broke this after a while, his forehead leaning against yours, eyes still closed. Both of his hand fell onto your lap. You took his hands in yours and finally opened your eyes, meeting his brown ones. You smiled at him before leaning in for another kiss. This time you wrapped your arms around his neck while Jungkook sneaked his around your hips. He suddenly pulled you closer, making you gasp as you landed onto his lap. You looked down at him as he smiled up at you, giving you that boyish playful grin. “So does this mean you’re mine now?” He asked as he looked up at you, keeping you close. You laughed at his cockiness. “Only if it makes you mine too.” You answered. He grinned. “I was already yours from the first day we met.” He answered softly, before pulling you down again for one last kiss.

After your little moment in the fields you went back to the village, walking happily hand in hand as you strolled through the cute evening market. You stopped at a stand that sold some self made products. Things like soap, body scrubs, perfume, ... While you were choosing some products to buy for yourself you didn't notice Jungkook slipping away and buying something at the flower stand behind you. As you turned around Jungkook stood there with a red rose in his hand. “Previous time, I gave you a yellow rose for the start of a beautiful  friendship. I never thought it would turn out this way but I’m glad it did. And so I want to give you this red rose this time as a start of or love for each other.” He said, before giving you the rose. You smelled it before looking up at him, smiling brightly. “It’s perfect.” You said before taking a step forward and hugging the boy. He didn't hesitate to immediately hug you back, leaving a soft kiss at the top of your head. “I love you y/n.” He whispered. Where you on answered. “I love you too, my kookie.” He chuckled at you calling out his nickname. From the first day until now it made him feel things and he loved it.

“What would you say of making from this beautiful day an even more beautiful night?” He whispered in your ear, making you look up at him, your arms still wrapped around each other. “What do you mean?” You asked him. He smiled, playing with a strand of your hair. “What do you think of continuing this date at my house?” He asked. “We got the house all to ourselves tonight. My mom and dad are out of town for the night.”

You looked around you for a bit thinking if this wasn’t a bit too fast for a first date but does it really matter when you love someone that badly and know you would want to spend the rest of your live with him? “Let’s go to your house then.” You said, raising a brow and giving him a smirk. He licked his lips as he looked you up and down. “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.” He said, a seductive smirk playing on his lips before he smacked your ass and walked towards the car.

When you arrived at his home it was like you couldn't get inside fast enough. Jungkook had you pressed against the door, kissing you hungry as he tried to get the keys into the small opening. When he finally managed to open the door he opened it and pushed you inside, breaking the kiss for a second the close the door, before pushing you back against it, his lips crashing onto yours again. Shoes and socks were thrown off almost immediately as you were both so hungry for each other. A small moan left your lips as Jungkook pushed his tongue past your lips, discovering your mouth as he pushed his body closer against yours. You placed your hands onto his sides, slightly tilting his shirt up. Jungkook got the hint and broke the kiss for a second taking off his shirt and revealing his toned, strong body. You caressed his naked chest as Jungkook kissed you again, a groan leaving his mouth. He took a few steps backwards, pulling you with him until you guys reached the cough. He sat down onto it, pulling you on top. He reached for your shirt, pulling it over your head, unclasping your bra afterwards and throwing it away somewhere in the dark room. Jungkook admired you for a second, trying to enjoy this moment as much as possible. “You’re so beautiful y/n..” He murmured under his breath. “So beautiful and all mine.”

You leaned down and started kissing him again, his hands first on your sides but not for that long as you already felt them moving up towards your breasts.

His lips went from your mouth towards your cheek, your jawline, your neck and your shoulder. Making sure no part of skin is left out. You grind onto him as he peppers your skin with kisses, one hand grouping at your breast in the meanwhile. As his kisses got lower you felt yourself becoming very aroused and wet down there, making you grind harder onto him as he finally took one of your nipples into his mouth. You could already feel him getting hard as he sucked and played with is tongue around your nipple. “Fuck kookie-” You cried out, your hands buried into his soft brown locks. He unlocked his mouth from around your nipple for a second. “Say that again sweetheart. Who’s making you feel this good?” He asked you, his hips grinding up against your core, making you moan. “Y-you, Jungkook.” You answered him. He smiled at you, licking his wet lips before attaching his mouth this time on the other nipple.

You gasped as he suddenly picked you up and carried you out of the living room, up the stairs. “ Let’s take this upstairs, shall we?” He said before kissing you again, carrying you upstairs, towards his room. Once inside, the door closed, he placed you down on the bed carefully before crawling on top, never breaking the kiss. Your arms pulled his face closer, his body getting closer as well, his now full erection, poking through his pants and grinding against your already wet core. Jungkook broke the kiss and sat up between your legs. He smiled at you, breathing heavily from all the kissing, before unbuttoning your pants and sliding them down with your panties, leaving you completely exposed in front of him. Once he managed to get off your pants and drop them on the floor he admired your body again, making sure he has seen every little bit of it. “My beautiful princess.” He said as he softly started caressing your inner thighs. He looked down at your core for a second, noticing how wet you already are for him, it made his cock twitch in his pants, knowing he was the one having this effect on you. “Before I do something else to you, I wanna taste that sweet pussy down there first.” He said seductively. He looked at you one last time before leaning down and starting to kiss your thighs. He always started at one knee and then made his way downwards. He made sure he wasn’t going to fast, making you whimper beneath him as he savoured this moment. “Already whining and whimpering. You’re so sensitive love, so... sweet.” He said before dipping his tongue between your folds, licking up in one smooth stroke. You buckled your hips up at the sensation. Oh god, how good his mouth felt onto your dripping pussy. You immediately wanted more. He looked up at you, making sure you guys made eye contact before planting his mouth onto your core again. You whimpered, biting your lip as you gripped onto the sheets. Jungkook concentrated himself on his work, lapping you out at a steady pace. Sometimes he would moan, sending shivers down your spine and making your core pulsate.

Before you knew it he was sucking and flicking his tongue onto your clit. Your moans got louder as you felt your first orgasm coming near. If his mouth already wasn’t enough, he also added two fingers, pushing them inside of your tight hole, stretching you out and rubbing at all the right places as he kept assaulting your clit with his mouth. You clenched around his fingers. “I can feel you’re close. Come for me princess. Make me taste your delicious fluids.” He said as he kept his steady pace, making you cum in no time.

He took his fingers out of your core and slowly started to lap up your juices that were leaking out of your cunt. You shivered as he lapped you out, still sensitive from your orgasm. Once he was done he looked back up from between your legs, his lips wet and glistening from eating you out. “You taste so good love.” He said, pushing himself back up before leaning back over you and kissing you, making you taste yourself. While his tongue played with yours in his mouth he unbuckled his pants and pushed them off, leaving him only in boxers. He parted from your lips for a moment and leaned over towards his nightstand, opening the drawer and taking out a condom. He placed the condom between his teeth as he sat up to take his boxers down. But before he could do that he let out a moan as you were softly caressing the shape of his dick through his boxers. You bite your lip as you looked at it. only of seeing the shape through his trousers you knew he was big. He took your hand that was caressing over his dick and lead it towards the edge of his boxers. You placed your other hand on the other side and slowly started to slide it down until his member sprung free, standing tall and proud.

You licked your lips as you looked back up at him. He smirked, the condom still between his teeth. He took the condom out of his mouth. “Like what you see?” He asked and you laughed, nodding. “I love what I see.” You answered, sitting up and leaning close towards him, your lips ghosting over his, early touching. You gave him a seductive stare while taking the condom out of his hand and opening it. He kept staring at your lips as he suddenly felt one of your hands wrapping around his dick. He let out a soft, low moan as you started to stroke it. As you picked up the pace he couldn't hold it any more and leaned in closer, kissing you hungrily.

He pushed you back onto the mattress before getting up again, taking the condom out of your hands and rolling it over his length. “Ready for a second orgasm?” He asked, hovering over you again, one hand holding his dick and teasing your entrance with the tip. You whined as you pushed your hips up a bit, wanting him fill you up already. “I love it when your body is begging for me.” He said lowly, his lips ghosting over your neck. “Let’s give it what it wants then.” He said, before pushing in. He slowly slide inside until he was completely bottomed out. You let out a moan, satisfied of having him finally inside you, of having him fill you up completely.

Jungkook peppered your neck and shoulder with soft kisses while he let you adjust to his size. Now and then giving you little compliments, about how beautiful he thinks you are, how happy he is to have you, how tight you are and how you take him so well. “So good for me princess.” He said, peeking your lips this time.

“You can move now.” You told him when you finally felt like you had adjusted to his size. He nodded and softly started to slide out of you again before thrusting back in. And damn... It felt so good. While Jungkook kept a slow but steady pace you wrapped your arms around him, your hands clamping onto his back and shoulders. “Faster” You told him after a while and he did what you asked. He took up the pace a bit, moans rolling out of both of your mouths as you made love to each other for the first time. It was amazing. Both breathing heavily, hearts beating fast, heads leaned against each other as Jungkook kept thrusting into you. He kissed your full swollen lips again as he speed up some more. When he was at his highest speed you were both a moaning mess. Your kisses and thrusts got more sloppy as you both feared your orgasm. “Fuck y/n- I’m close. Please tell me you’re close too. I wanna cum together.” He said between groans and heavy breaths. You nodded, your own orgasm almost reaching it’s peak. “I’m close too.” You told him. “Good” He said, before giving a few final thrusts making you both cum.

He breathed heavily as he just rest his body on top of yours, his dick still pulsating now and then inside of you every time you clenched around him. You both were breathing hard as you just stayed still and laid on top of each other. You softly started to caress Jungkook’s hair as you both came down from your hight. He softly closed his eyes, listening to your heart beat and enjoying the soft caresses over his head.

After a minute of two his dick slipped out of you making you feel empty again. Jungkook opened his eyes and pushed his body back up. He gave you a tired smile, receiving one back from you. He lazily kissed you one more time before getting up, taking the condom off and throwing it into the bin. When he came back you both snuggled up against each other onto the bed. He played down on his back as you laid on your side. One leg placed over his and one arm wrapped around his chest. Jungkook wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you a bit closer, giving you a soft kiss on the forehead. “I love you y/n” He said. You smiled at yourself before looking up to him and saying it back. “I love you too Jungkook.”

“So... you’re ready for round two?” He suddenly asked. You looked at him in shock. How quickly had this boy recovered from the first round!? He chuckled and peeked your lips. “It’s ok love. I’ll let you recover first but I really want my round two afterwards.” He said, as you shook your head in unbelief. “Wish, this boy.” “What?Your body is just so irresistible.” He said, giggling.

And before you knew it, a round two became a round three and so on. To keep it short, you had a great night together and it wouldn't be the last one. How it all started with you desperately looking for a job and eventually ending up meeting the love of your life. Life couldn't get better.

[shandian-go]

Re: 2022 Mid-Year Survey

Thank you so much to everyone that filled out the survey! The lucky draw winners have been notified via e-mail~ Congratulations to:

foodflyfoto (IG)

meixianme (Twitter)

@fwolfling

Fidgeytova (Twitter)

Jh. M. (E-mail)

tavi_kun (Twitter)

Survey Responses

The feedback I received was very helpful and one of the key issues you guys noted was relating to admin. I recognize that updates to the info site and order statuses has slowed down in recent months and the main reason is because there’s too many urgent issues on the order/shipping/packing side that I have to deal with first. The long-term plan is to allocate most of this work to someone who does have the time make the updates regularly but until I can train them, updates will still be slow (so please bear with me!).

Some of you also asked for more personalized admin requests like package contents list and status updates for individual orders in your My Account - unfortunately I can’t accomodate these requests for everyone because I don’t have the time to manually customize this information for hundreds of joiners. Other GOM’s who handle fewer GO's might be able to find the time, but I’d rather spend every spare moment I have getting packages out to joiners ASAP, instead of duplicating admin work for info that’s already available publicly.

Speaking of available info, I encourage you to familiarize yourself with the Status page, the old Status Guide on using the Status spreadsheet as well as the Forwarding Guide to gain a better understanding of your own orders. If you choose not to use these tools and would rather I make room in my schedule to help you individually, you’re always welcome to join the membership program to request personalized admin support :)

Regarding the catalogue, unfortunately I will have to put it on hold for the time being. I was seriously considering shutting it down completely but based on the survey responses, some of you do still use it. Until I can (magically) free up 20-30 hours of free time to clean up the catalogue, please remember to save information and photos of items yourself while the listing is still on the Order website. If any members need information about an old listing, they can also e-mail me to ask~

There’s been a bit of interest in using a faster shipping service so I’ll keep it in mind for orders where it’s a viable option, and also try to offer it for certain Ongoing Orders. I’m also very relieved that most of you have been understanding about shipping timelines. Unfortunately, the Shanghai lockdown in spring did add some significant wait time, and even though I’ve been trying different routes and other agents over the past few months, customs delays is still an issue everywhere :( I do try to improve processes where possible but for shipping, so much of it is out of my control and any changes I can make have a minimal impact :(

Regarding requests for info on shipping costs, unfortunately I can’t give better estimates because the numbers can vary A Lot, even for similar items. Since the agent’s shipping costs are based on the higher of actual weight versus volume weight, someone who orders 1 plushie (with high volume weight) can end up paying around the same as someone who orders 1 plushie and 2 books (where the volume weight still exceeds the actual weight). For a general shipping estimate, I’d still suggest going by the 1:1 method from the FAQ. It’s also a good idea to read the item description before you order as I do try to warn for higher shipping costs whenever I get a hunch that the item will be larger or heavier than average.

As for fandom and merch preferences, it was really helpful to get a sense of your interests and I’ll definitely keep an eye out for goodies for these fandoms! Just a note that for many of the Japanese and Western fandoms, I can probably only help with fanmade stuff made by Chinese fans, but for the Chinese fandoms, I’ll keep an eye out for both official and fanmade goodies :D

Thank you again to everyone that took the time to fill out the survey! Unlike the last survey, there likely won’t be major overhauls to the process since it seems like the GO processes are working smoothly for most of you (which I’m both relieved and happy about~). If there’s any major problems you’d like me to look into, you can also shoot me an e-mail :)

[user21340]

my only exception

(i don’t own this gif or any of the characters in this fic)

summary: you and nat are separated when in the Red Room. you both are reunited. after holding onto a couple things to give her for a couple years you both realize love is well and alive.

warnings: violence, abuse, swearing, lil angst, fluff

pairing: natasha romanoff x fem!reader

word count: nearly 1.8k

a/n: omg i don’t know what to say! thank you for all the support on the stuff i’ve released so far. it’s super crazy seeing some of my favorite writers following me. thank you so so much for 30 followers! much love 💕💕

(italics in dialogue mean the person is speaking russian)

sorry for any mistakes i wrote this at 3am and have to get up for school at 6 😪 no bueno

It was a cold and stormy night as the power in the Red Room continuously flickered on and off even with the help of a high powered generator.

You and Natalia had been waiting for an event like this to occur so you could break out. Even though both herself and you lived only a small bit of life outside in the real world before you were taken in and trained to become a weapon, both of your humanly morals knew right from wrong. The Red Room’s treatment definitely being a wrong.

Madame B and the other monstrous staff at this facility put all you girls to bed roughly an hour ago. Nat and yourself undid your cuffs connecting your wrist to the metal bedframe so you could pack the few things you both owned before you made your escape. Both of you had talked this plan over through and through so you both were on the same page as soon as you saw that flicker of a power outage surge though the site.

At the moment you both were eighteen years old meaning both of you had proven yourselves worthy enough to hone a spot at this academy and had graduated a couple months prior.

GAME PLAN

Some information you had gathered which the staff weren’t aware of was every time the power flickered off, it disarmed and unlocked the exit door/s for nearly five seconds. The weather has been dry but cold lately not making this discovery too useful. The plan was to sneak over to uncuff yourselves in the middle of the night when these brief power outages were occurring, pack your items, and as you were about to escape bang on the wall of the large room where the girls kept at the academy would sleep to create enough of a distraction before you were out and free for good. Easy right? How wrong you’d be.

When it was time for the distraction, Nat stood by the door waiting for the next surge of lightning of whatever broke the electricities stability as you walked to the far side of the sleeping quarters where you were sure you’d have enough time to bang on the walls and sprint out of that door.

You heard a crash of thunder so you knew your escape chance would be soon. As you were about to start banging on the walls you see a door knob parallel to Nat but far away none the less start turning.

BAM

Lightning strikes, what seems to be right outside of the building. You sprint for the door only to have your arm caught by one of Madame B’s henchmen.

Just like that the power flickers.

five.

Without much thought you break away from the man’s grasp lunge at Natalia who happened to be at the door.

four.

“We’ll meet again Natalia.” you speak softly

three.

You shove her out of the door with all of your might.

two.

You use all of your remaining strength that you can muster up to slam the heavy metal door closed.

one.

Click

The door locks once again.

“You stupid little bitch. Get over here NOW!” the man practically growls.

You slowly and steadily walk over to the man as he gruesomely pummels and kicks you.

Sure the beatings, mind torture and manipulation hurt, but you’ve never experienced any kind of pain on the same caliber to what being separated from Natalia feels like.

Madame B is more than disappointed, enraged and annoyed with one of her ‘star students’. You receive daily beatings and long, tiresome training hours for helping Natalia escape. Although everyone is ‘replaceable’ in the minds of the staff as well as Madame B, they just lost Natalia so they couldn’t afford to lose you as well.

Months later the beatings finally slow down to a couple a week which you are able to endure. Madame’s mission now is to make a monster out of you by pushing you to and past your limits when training.

One night you finally drift off to sleep. You hate sleeping. It’s a constant replay of your last night with Nat. Only hoping that she made it to civilization safe and sound and is living a normal teens life. However, tonight’s dream is different. In this dream you see yourself shoving your packed-escape bag between your mattress and bedframe as you are bleeding out on the ground from the beatings. You wake up in a cold sweat and manage to kneel on the ground and slowly lift up your mattress only to find that same, small bag filled with the few, but important belongings of yours and Nat’s. You open up the bag forgetting all about what you both had packed. The most important items you see is a picture of Natalia as a toddler with alongside her mother and father, a small metal ring which you had made for her after stealing a small teaspoon at dinner, banging it against the concrete floor with a rock to flatten it out as you’d continuously bend it back and fourth so only the thinnest part is of the spoon is left which you bend into a ring before surprising Nat with it after you know she had a pretty rough day training, and lastly Nat’s papers containing important info about her such as her full name, birthplace, parents names, and birthdate.

November 22, 1984

November 22, 1984

November 22, 1984

November 22, 1984

You make sure you have this date burned into your head, latching onto any important information about her you can learn.

You hang onto those three items keeping them hidden.

Two and a half years later...

It’s late at night when you hear gunshots and fights breaking out throughout the facility. You quickly get up out of bed (once again undoing your cuffs) and grab those three items from under your mattress. You place them in your pocket getting ready to make a break for the outside world. As you reach for the door you turn back taking one last look at the place you’ve been living for pretty much the entirety of your life, only before a man in a funny red, white, and blue costume enters your view.

You bring your hands up ready for a fight.

“Look kid, I’m not here to fight you. We are breaking you out.” the man ensures

“Who even are you?” you sternly question

“Steve Rogers. But the public calls me Captain America.” his gaze settles on your figure, “Mind telling me who you are?” he pushes

“Names y/n, but look I’ve got places to be ma-“ you are cut off when Captain America’s jaw drops.

“No, we both know you don’t. But, you ARE coming with me.” you know there isn’t much room for protest but that won’t stop you from trying. You lunge at him and push him to the ground as you wave a small goodbye and sprint towards the door only for your body to fall on the ground limp. Realizing you’ve been stunned by something temporarily.

“YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” you shriek, he only chuckles.

“God, Nat was right about you.” she shakes he head with a small grin on his face.

“N-nat?” you whisper as you vision fades black.

You regain consciousness and look around only to find yourself in a weird windowy, loud vehicle type thing. You see a group of people standing around you but you see one particular familiar face hovering directly over yours lightly combing through your hair with one one hand and gently outlining your jawline with the other.

“NAT!” you screech, your brain is feeling too many emotions to comprehend at the moment.

Once she sees and hears you are awake she pulls you into a bone crushing hug.

“Y/n/n I’m so sorry I left you and you had to stay in that hellhole for so long alone I don’t know how I would’ve help up it if that-“ you cut her off

“Natalia, all that matters is I’m here with you right now.” you reason.

After getting off of what you learned is a ‘plane’ you and Nat spend hours together clinging onto one another as if, as soon as you separate you will be absent in her life for another couple years, vice versa.

Months pass by. Even though you and Nat have yet to label yourselves as a couple your hearts belong to one another after being attached to the hip to one another for pretty much every activity or mission you both do. In this time you were also recruited as an Avenger due to your skillful hand to hand combat and your masterful types of fighting you have nearly perfected from your time in the room.

The date just happens to be November 22. You are pretty sure no one in the compound is aware of Natalia’s birthday, hell, you aren’t even sure if she’s aware.

Today is the day you decide to return the missing items from her bag that you recover after she left.

You wake up next to her and wake her up with a long, graceful, soft kiss on her lips to which she responds shortly after by kissing you back as you feel as tiny smirk against your own lips.

“Hey, what was that for?” she asks playfully

“Ohhh nothing. Just maybe it’s for my favorite girl’s special day today.” Nat blushes.

“H-how’d you know?”

“Oh honey, I know e v e r y t h i n g.” you reply

Before she can respond you pull her to sit up on your shared bed and hand her an envelope containing her papers as well as he one and only photo of herself and her family.

As soon as she sees both items she sobs into your chest. (more because of the picture, you really only included her papers so she too would know all the most crucial parts of her life pre-red room era.

“Uh, uh, uh’” you tut,”One more thing.” you reach for her hand slowly and tell her to shut her eyes. You slowly slide the makeshift ring on her finger.

“Open.” you instruct

To which she gasps at the sight and just like the day you both were reunited you hugged and kissed for hours on end.

“Nat, will you be my girlfriend?” you ask with a sheepish smile.

“Of course y/n/n, I thought you’d never ask.” she takes a breath,“I know love is for children, but you are my only exception.”

“Ditto.” Natalia chuckles, “That is what the Americans say, right?” you backtrack with flushed cheeks.

She holds you tighter and presses a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Sure.” she breathes out.

[catcze]

Hi there! Super duper quick, but I’m going to go on a break / hiatus for the next week or so! 

I’m sorry its kind of sudden (or maybe not idk) but yeahhhh–– there are a few reasons! I won’t go into too much depth, but I don’t want to just dip out for a bit without proper explanation (unlike the other times i’ve gone on hiatus)

But that’s utc tho bc even if i say i won’t go into too much detail i am still, at my heart, a chatterbox lmao

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For one, i think I’ve started to look for validation in tumblr too much? Like,,,, I’ve never been one to need validation before. But recently I feel like I’ve been seeking that out in tumblr which, when I look back on it, feels kind of funky to me? And obviously it’s not wrong to look for validation on here, that’s not what I’m saying. But just for me personally, it feels strange and debilitating to rely as heavily heavily as I do on things in this way, so i kind of need to distance myself for a bit.

This next one isn’t really much of a surprise at this point, but it’s kinda obvi that I’ve been lacking motivation and inspiration to write. I’ve probably written less than 10 things in the last two, maybe even three months. I just I don’t like the things I try to write, and I like them even less when i try to force myself, which sucks so much because I receive so many good, breathtaking prompts in my inbox, but i feel like I can never do them justice, but at the same time i don’t want to post the prompts with me just, like, screaming and keysmashing yk? Bc i feel like that can’t properly encapsulate just how much i love the things I’m sent. So yeah I really do miss being able to look back on the stuff I write n go ‘holy shit I actually made that? Whoa’ and I kind of need to get myself out of this funk for a bit bc I hate it.

Lastly, as I’m sure some of you know, finals have been whole rough recently. I only got out of its chokehold, like, a few days ago, and I’m jumping right back into the fray on January 3. Safe to say I’m still tired from the whole thing that was hell week, and I just need time to sorta, like, exist in my own space for a bit. 

After I post this, I won’t be answering any asks until I get back, and I’ll be deleting the tumblr app from my phone to distance myself from the site for now. Though I might come on eventually to catch up and read some fics, because I’ve barely been reading or supporting any kind of fics recently, which i feel super guilty for. So if you see me rb fics, they’re all queued up!

I’m super sorry I won’t be around for the holidays or for New Year’s, but I hope everyone enjoys :DD I’m sorry that i won’t be able to actively provide a safe space for you guys who view the blog as such, or that I can’t be a listening ear or someone to talk to in the coming days. But still, feel free to send me things in my inbox while I’m away. Brain rots, thoughts, life updates, whatever you’d like! I might not be able to respond to each ask individually, but hopefully being able to type something out and sending it my way will be able to bring you comfort of some sort <3

Anywayyyy so, like, yeah :D I’ll get going for now. Thanks for 4.8k followers so far, even though I’ve been really lacking on content these past two months–– I’ll try to write at my own pace while I’m gone, maybe finally do those event prompts and answer some really old asks. Hope everyone has lovely holidays and a lovely new year, also! Much love n much smooches babes <33 

[nooshywrites]

so uhh it’s been almost over a month since i posted anything on here and i just wanted to apologize for not posting and leaving randomly. i’m trying my best to keep up with asks / dms / tags / replies and i’m sorry for not responding if you’ve dm’d or tagged me or sent something to my inbox. i just haven’t had the energy or motivation to reply to a lot of stuff lately. there are only certain people i’m actually talking to right now, which makes me feel like a really shitty person because i feel like i’m ignoring people who are trying to check up on me and make sure i’m okay. but thank you so much for the love and support, i genuinely appreciate it. i really miss being on here and interacting with you guys. it’s like 3am here and i’m really sleep deprived but i feel like you deserve an explanation, so i’m going to try my best to say everything best as i can.

so most of you following me know i just made this blog not that long ago because my old one was being attacked by some toxic fans from the creepypasta community and my account was deactivated by tumblr so i came here to continue writing. i posted like three things before deleting everything on my blog because i needed a break for my mental health. after my break i said i’d start posting again, which hasn’t happened.

maybe like a few weeks ago i had a falling out with one of my ‘friends’, who was a creepypasta content creator and one of my first friends on here. they convinced me to write stuff about my rewrites of the Laughing Jack story, but they became very toxic and narcissistic towards me. they insulted me trying to cover it up as helping me, and then tricked me into almost letting them use my rewrites of characters in a story they basically forced me into being okay with it when i wasn’t. they’ve had a big impact on my mental health, along with turning another of my friends against me for the purpose of getting back at me and fucking with my feelings because i left and they can’t walk all over me anymore and they aren’t happy about it. i won’t mention their name in this post because i don’t want to start anything up with them, to be honest i don’t want anything to do with them, but that’s one reason i haven’t been on here much.

i’ve also realized my passion for writing got mixed up with my need for acceptance and attention. i panicked whenever posts flopped and i didn’t get any notifications. i guess i’m just scared of not being wanted, my anxiety and depression and past abuse sort of mixes in with everything and hurts me a lot.

this is cheesy sounding as fuck but like, i feel like i live off your love and support. of course i’m doing this for fun and because it’s what makes me happy, but then i have days when i’m just so attention starved and i don’t have a lot of people to help me with that and so i come here to get the love and attention i desperately crave, and when i have days where i do nothing and receive nothing, it triggers some unhealthy feelings and episodes that hurt my mental progress. i feel like it’s unfair to you guys and that i failed you by not being here and not responding to asks and dms. i’m really sorry to those who have reached out to me. i wanted to respond asap but the days keep going by and i haven’t felt like i can keep up with anything.

so here’s my plan. i’m going to take an actual break for myself. i don’t know how long, maybe a few weeks or a month, to take care of myself and sort out my issues so i can be here and not feel shitty and be able to interact and be with you all like you deserve. because you guys literally deserve the world, especially @glassartpeasants and @immortal-velociraptor for sticking with me through all this. i love you guys so much and i’ll be back soon.

— 💕 Nooshy

[sofssims]

Hello everyone~! Just wanted to update y’all since I’ve been on a bit of a long hiatus. I’m trying to focus more on myself both physically and mentally and so far things are going great but that means I haven’t had much time for sims both in game and CAS. My 6 year old laptop is coming to the end of it’s life and running sims with so many mods is only making it worse so basically what I’m saying is that I wont be coming back to sims until I get a better desktop computer which should be some time in 2023 after I move overseas.

In the meantime if you all want to follow my other passion which is writing fanfiction I have a writing blog where I’ve also been a bit absent but I’m more active on there than here.

@nikoruistyping

Please feel free to reach out on there or give a follow to know more about me and some of the other fandoms and stuff I like.

My dms are always open for conversation!

Thank you for all the love and support Ive received on my sims and cc creations! I hope to see y’all more often in 2023❤️