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weepinglevi · 4 years ago

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patience is a virtue

summary: college!au. all aged up. eren and reader continue with their sexual escapades. find part one here! warnings: 18+ minors dni. dirty text messages, dirty talk. dom!eren and bratty reader (i suppose?). throat fucking and semi-public sex. (no p in v tho) word count: around 3.5k A/N: i have a love/hate relationship with this eren ahaha, he's been ruling my brainrot ever since the last part so i hope you enjoy! there will be a part three eventually, so be on the lookout for that! enjoy your read and feedback is greatly appreciated! xx

you awake to your phone vibrating somewhere next to you. the hope of it only being a one-time occurrence quickly proven to be false as it just wouldn't stop. brr-brr. a second of silence. brr-brr. pause. brr-brr.

taking a mental note to never go to sleep again without turning off your phone, you roll over to your other side and try to ignore it. you could simply answer the texts, but that meant you'd have to open your eyes. and that whoever was texting you would win this weird battle you've just come up with in your head.

"if you don't pick up your goddamn phone, i'll smack you over the head with it," sasha groans from the other side of your shared dorm, words coming slurry with her tiredness.

brr-brr.

"i could also stick it up your ass, your decision," a pillow comes flying to your head, serving as enough of a warning for you to sit up in your bed, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

"quit moaning, i'll turn it off now," you yawn, feeling around your bed for your phone, "you never hear me complaining about the shit you do in the middle of the night."

"that's because my shit is funny and not fucking annoying," she scoffs, followed by a muted thump as she is sinking back down into her pillows. sasha's way of ending the conversation.

you find your phone half-tucked underneath your pillow, the display already lighting up again. someone is desperate for attention, you think to yourself and unlock your phone with an annoyed sigh. the messages were coming from an unknown number.

thinking about your wet pussy. this is eren, btw. historia gave me your number. i told her you wouldn't mind you don't mind, do you?

in a matter of seconds, your heart is beating in your throat once more, just like this afternoon in that godforsaken computer lab. ears growing hot at his words, you could almost imagine the sound of him laughing at you again. with trembling fingers, you scroll down further.

anyway, let's do it again sometime i told you. i'll never let you forget about how you moaned my name i'm also not forgetting about how badly i want to fuck that pretty mouth of yours, so it's a win-win see ya, then

staring down at your phone, you don't know if you should answer him. and even if you would answer his texts, what the hell should you say? "fucking bastard," the words escaping your mouth before even realizing that you'd better keep quiet. the only thing that could make this situation any worse was if sasha were to wake up again.

scratch that, you think as you see eren's new messages.

how badly do you want to suck my cock? you looked really hot today, covered in my cum what, you're shy again?

there are two ways this could go: either you stand up, put on some clothes, and then go to eren's dorm to let hell rain upon him - or simply mute your phone and ignore him. deciding to go with the latter, you lie back down and save his number as "fuckhead", a small grin forming on your face. if he wants to be childish, then you can be, too.

the display still lighting up at a steady pace, you have to fight the urge to open his other messages. to physically prevent yourself from grabbing your phone again, you put your hands between your thighs and sigh. what the hell have i gotten myself into?

"so, who am i gonna have to teach some manners today?", sasha asks in the morning, "because there are only two valid reasons for sending that many texts in the middle of the night," she sits up in her bed and bends over to reach for her phone, "either someone's dead or there's a food sale."

cringing at the thought of having to read the countless other messages eren has sent throughout the night, you try to laugh at her comment, "of course, when there's food involved, you're all for it."

"girl's gotta eat," she claims, thankfully being too distracted by something on her phone to notice your strange behavior, "i'm gonna be back later than usual today, connie wants me to be his wingman again."

starting to go off on a tangent about how connie should just get a dating app already, sasha's words become more of background noise to you. you want to know what he wrote. what he has in store for you. at the same time, you curse yourself out. you're turning into a headless chicken and all of it because of eren fucking yeager?

you nod here and there, offering her a "yes" at what you believe to be fitting moments, desperately hoping she doesn't catch up on your restlessness. all the while the two of you are getting ready for the day. this goes on for a few more minutes and you have no clue what she's talking about now, so you decide to grab your phone and stand up.

"i'm gonna go for a run around campus, you want coffee?" you blurt out, interrupting her monologue. the device in your hand feels as if it's burning through your skin. slipping into your trainers, you're already halfway out the room, her perplexed "uh- yes, please," being muffled by the door closing behind you.

it's still warm outside - not as hot as yesterday, but warm enough for you to be glad to have forgotten your cardigan earlier. you let out a deep breath, trying to clear your mind. even though you told sasha you'd be out for a run, you walk at a slow pace.

some people are already wandering around campus, most of them on their way to a lecture. at this time in the morning, everyone has their heads full with their own worries so no one notices you slowly making your way off-campus.

arriving at a little park surrounded by trees, you sit down on the bench farest off. you notice your heart fluttering like the wings of a hummingbird when pulling the phone out of your back pocket. fuck him, you think once again while typing in your code. fuck him for making me feel this way.

12 unread messages.

didn't seem all too shy when i had my hand wrapped around your throat no need to play hard to get when i already had you if that makes sense? haven't fucked you yet doesn't mean i won't get to fuck you

all you want is to feel appalled by these messages. to screenshot them and send them to the dean. maybe even to his mother. sickened with yourself though, you already feel the familiar warmth creeping up your body, curling up in your abdomen.

i know you want it, too how fucking needy you were for me getting yourself off in public to the thought of me maybe you can tell me what exactly you were thinking of? gonna make sure to let your dreams come true, princess

pet names? you clench your fist at the thought of eren leaning over you, breathing the word princess into your ear. you have an inkling that he'd say it mockingly; spitting it out whilst gathering your hair in a ponytail, arching your back forcefully, and slamming his length into you without mercy.

no. you hate pet names. at least, you've always hated them.

i'm gonna find out if you're ignoring me right now remember, you're not the best actress. fucking suck at it, actually wouldn't want to be punished now, would we?

his last message echoed in your head. still coming to terms with the fact of what happened yesterday, now you have to deal with a whole new revelation: eren yeager being a cocky motherfucker pushing all the right buttons for you. even though you want to blast his ass for this, the mere thought of him being near you again is too sweet of an imagination.

you want to play this game, too. for whatever reason keep on riding this high, and you just know that no one could do it quite as well as eren can. somehow you can only imagine taking him on this ride with you, no one else.

so, in that manner you decide to ignore his messages. if he's desperate enough to keep on sending them in the middle of the night, you're sure it won't be long until he sends another text. and it would give him enough reason to try and punish you, whatever that might entail – you're excited to find out. fucking nervous, too. but then again, who wouldn't be?

you stand up and put your phone in your back pocket, a sense of excitement surrounding your steps as you turn left to make your way to the nearest coffee shop.

"something tells me you're ignoring me," of course, the moment eren's voice comes up behind you, you fucking flinch like a little bird that's been scared away, "mostly because i've seen you reading the messages, but what do i know?"

you turn to see him clutching his heart dramatically, "don't play with my feelings like this," he swoons, bringing one hand to his forehead. he's laughing again, all white teeth and bright smiles – you realize this is the kind of eren you rarely get to see. not the cocky bastard he normally portrays; right now, he seems to be a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, just enjoying himself. still, you want to show him that you can play just as well as he can.

crossing your arms in front of your chest, you slightly raise a brow, trying your hardest to not look as nervous as you feel. it's a lost cause though because you can already feel the tips of your ears glowing with heat again. can't things go my way for once? just once? you think and chew the inside of your cheek. you felt so sure of yourself just moments ago. how the hell can he have this sort of effect on you?

suddenly, his whole demeanor changes. before, he seemed laid-back, entertained by the game he played with you. now he leans forward, hands in the pockets of his jacket and an almost cruel smile forming on his lips, "don't try to challenge me in this. you'll lose."

you know that you should feel frightened. terrified, even. he's looking like a lion preparing to jump the antelope, a sense of alarming calmness around him that's causing the small hairs on your neck to stand up. but alas, the way he's looking at you seems to have the same effect on you his scent has.

"i told you not to ignore me," eren says and takes a few steps closer to you, "yet here you are, doing it again." the chuckle leaving his lips a stark contrast to his stern gaze, still trained on you. somehow, you feel awfully small again - still not frightened, though. you stare right back at him, tilting your head slightly as if you wanted to say "so what?"

"are you seriously that desperate to be punished?"

better now than never, you think and once again place a courtly smile on your lips, "seems like it."

for a split second, you see eren's smug look turn into a genuine smile. realizing that you're up for his game, he lets out a smooth whistle, "you do surprise me."

"if you wouldn't always be so full of yourself, i'm sure you'd have recognized this sooner," you can feel the confidence growing in yourself again. clinging on to it, you take a step toward him, "i'm full of surprises."

"oh, yeah? i bet you are," from the corner of your eye, you can see him lifting his hand. before thinking twice about it, you bat it away, "i'm not one for public displays of affection."

oh, it is on– eren's smirk turns into a full-fledged grin as he takes a grip of your wrist, "you sure about that?" lifting your hand to his face, for a short moment you think he's going to suck on your fingers again. but all he does is place a faint kiss on the back of your hand, "didn't seem like it yesterday."

"you weren't supposed to see."

"but i'm so glad i did," he leans forward, the two of you standing so close you can feel his breath on your face, "or else we wouldn't have this kind of fun right now."

still having a hold of your hand, he lifts his other to your jaw, gently tracing his thumb across your lower lip, "you looked so pretty in your skirt yesterday."

taking a leap of faith, you grab his hand, holding it in place and letting your tongue run across the tip of his thumb before biting down playfully. there's a hiss and then eren pulls away and grabs your arm, "come with me."

finally, you think and let him guide you to wherever he wants, let's have some fun, then.

on your way out of the park, you pass jean and marco. even though they stand to greet eren, he just raises his hand whilst not breaking his pace, "gotta go, have an assignment to work on."

"never seen you that determined, but go off," jean laughs.

before you know it, you're inside one of the countless maintenance sheds. pushing you against the wall, eren's movements seem to become more and more erratic by the second. pinning your arms over your head, he's looking down at you, breathing heavily. "you have no idea what you just got yourself into," licking his lips, he chuckles.

"oh, but i think i actually do," you smile innocently, fucking glad to have found your normal self again. admittedly, eren threw you off your game since yesterday – but it's just going to play into your hands now. he won't see it coming until it's hitting him straight in the face; that you're just as messed up as he seems to be.

"then prove it," he breathes against your ear, "tell me how badly you want it."

the stuffy air inside the dimly lit shed doesn't help with keeping eren's scent away from you. being so close to him, looking up into his shadowed face and right into his dilated eyes; you're like putty in his hands. you try to move forward, to touch him in some way because you just know that he'll feel so good under your skin.

"now now, princess," he moves even closer, wedging you between himself and the wall, "how about we learn some patience, first?"

you nod, but then grind up against his thigh, hissing through your teeth, "i worry i'll be a real handful." you know you could very well move your hands, too – eren seems to still be testing the waters as to how far he can go with you. but with him actually letting you grind on him; you decide to play into his hands.

your breaths grow quicker as you keep on, pace becoming erratic. all you want is to get rid of your track pants – come to think of it, what you actually want is eren under you whilst you continuously bounce on his cock. you want to hear him call you princess and immediately after call you his little whore because that's exactly what you are.

eren has a little smile on his lips and you know you should ask yourself why – because you're doing exactly what he has forbidden you to do – but you're too far gone. the heat growing, you feel your knees buckle but he's holding you up; one hand now resting on your waist for support. you're so close –

and then he pulls away from you, nearly causing you to topple over. chest heaving, you place your hands on your knees for balance, "what the fuck was – "

"patience is a virtue," interrupting you with a laugh, but his voice heavy with lust, "thought i might give you a lesson you're ought to remember."

you look up to see eren palming his erection through his pants, standing about an arm's length away from you, "but i have to admit, hearing you getting yourself off is fucking hot."

biting your teeth together, you straighten up and take a step toward him – only for him to click his tongue in disapproval, "you're gonna stay right there," tugging at his pants he raises his eyebrow, "i told you what i want, get on your knees for me."

"the fuck i will," you spit out and make a move again, grasping for his waistband. but eren is quick to take a hold of your hand and pushes you back to the wall, "come on, now, princess," he chuckles but his eyes are concentrated at you, "you want this, don't you?". he's asking for permission, the thought feeling very comforting to you. and also, very excited for what's about to come.

"of course, i do," you answer him earnestly, resting the back of your head against the wall, "or else i wouldn't be here."

"fantastic," he breathes, a little smile playing in the corners of his mouth, "then get down on your knees," placing his hands on your shoulders, weighing you down, "i won't ask again."

the change of tone in his voice has you nodding, slowly sinking onto your knees, you're bursting in anticipation. one hand finally pulling down his pants, he runs his other through your hair, then down your jaw until it comes to rest on your chin.

thumbing at your lower lip, he groans "do i have to be careful?"

you just shake your head no. then you break away from his gaze, fixing your eyes on the bobbing cock in front of you. it's tip leaking with precum already, you remember how badly you wanted to lick it away yesterday.

taking his cock at its base, you bend forward and slide your tongue around its head. the salty taste sending shudders down your spine, you make sure to lift your eyes again once you prepare to take it all down your throat. your other hand snakes up to his balls, slightly tugging them which earns you a moan from eren, and fuck, you're so wet at the sound alone, you let go of his cock and slide one hand down to your own center.

he gathers your hair in one hand, taking the base of his throbbing cock in the other, "bet this is what you thought of yesterday," he slowly but surely pulls your head in closer, "of how i fuck the words right out of you."

bucking your hips into your own hand, you can do nothing but whimper at his words. because yes, this is exactly what you imagined. he's only halfway in and you're already struggling to breathe, but not wanting him to stop you hold your breath and push down even further; trying desperately not to moan.

the tears in your eyes causing your vision to be blurry, you attempt to blink them away.

"shit – ", he's pumping into you now, rubbing the tears from your cheeks and then placing both his hands on your head, "you're doing so well – "

getting lost in his words, the fear of being caught is so far away; you finally moan around his cock. saliva soaking the hem of his shirt, you can't seem to take his whole length, no matter how hard you try. you're a fucking mess under him and the thought alone is nearly sending you over the edge.

he's trying to pull away now and you know he's close, so you snake your hand around his hip, hoping this is enough of a sign to him that if he dared to cum anywhere else than down your throat, you'd bite him.

"you really – " his voice is hoarse, "fuck – this is fucking perfect," he moans as he comes to the realization. leaning his arm against the wall behind you, he's fucking himself into your mouth, his panting and the sound of your choking filling the room.

you close your eyes to blink the tears away again, but eren pulls on your hair, "no – look at me."

with this the knot in your belly explodes, leaving you holding on to eren's hip as you ride the waves of electricity that are running through your body like lava.

"such a good little whore – " he's gone as well, holding your head in place as he's pumping his load down your throat, leaving you no other option than to swallow – which you eagerly do. you feel his legs shaking under your hands.

once again, eren hands you his shirt to clean your face. this time, you take it with a smile, noting that, "i still have your other one."

"don't worry, i'll come get it sometime when sasha's away," the two of you know exactly what this means – neither of you are planning on this to be over anytime soon.

"i'll let you know, then," you nod and stand up, hoping you don't look as well-fucked as you feel, and make your way to the door, "she's gone most of the time."

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goldenheartstudios · 3 years ago

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I watched the season Seabound from Ninjago and I have some thoughts about it

Disclaimer 1: Any strong emotion shown in this post is exaggerated for fun purposes and not meant to take it seriously. The genuine critiques are meant to be respectful or lighthearted

Disclaimer 2: I like making disclaimers (also heads up, there will be spoilers in this post!)

With that aside, this season was fun! Nya is one of my favorite characters, so I was eager to see a season focused on her, even if it was kind of short (I will elaborate on this point later)

First, I want to say that I haven't seen all the recent seasons yet (more specifically 9, 10, 12, 13 and The Island). I know what happens in them, but I couldn’t bring myself to sit and watch them yet, and being Romanian makes it a little harder to find proper sites to say the least. Thankfully, it wasn’t needed to watch them for this season, since I understood all that happened

This brings me to the first compliment I want to give for the season: the story was on point and not difficult to follow. They didn’t complicate it too much than necessary, which is nice! It left room for exploring relationships and emotions

Speaking of which, I always liked the way Ninjago handles emotions. They’re honest and quiet, in a way to show respect and understanding. You know that what happens matters to the characters, and I’m so glad they’re good at that because when Nya’s funeral came up, they put all the effort to show how much she meant for everyone

Nya’s relationship with her mother Maya was also so fun to see! I’m glad that they showed more of the Smith parents and the relationship between them and their children, it made me grow more attached to them and think they’re beyond just “parents”. The Smith family is on the top of my favorites, which I think it’s a good and bad thing at the same time

The dialogue in this season was also fun. There were many times when I felt what they said was genuine and smart, and the cookie line at the end was a simple parallelism, but an effective one. The fact that it was simple is what made it stuck to me and appreciate it (and if the fact that Kai and Jay, the ones who are the closest to Nya, almost drowned in this season for the intentional purpose of making the connection to water, then I will give the writers points for smartness)

And even if the main villain was not for me, I can see and understand why would people like him

Overall, this season was fun and emotional, and I’m definitely looking forward to how it will go next season!

Now let’s get on the negatives

Alright, to start it off, the season lacked in build-up for being short. I felt around the middle that it was moving from point A to point B without leaving time to process it. I know they have limited time, but I feel like season 11 did a better job at handling it, at least in the first half, and I use that as comparison

I definitely felt the rush in action the moment Benthomaar told the others about his past in “The Tale of Benthomaar”. Because even if they just met him, after he told them his tragic backstory, they were like “You’re our friend now and we trust you until the very end”, which it would have been better handled if it was at least one more episode where they get to interact more before this one

But I do understand the lack of time and having few episodes that limited how much they can show. With this time, each episode has to be meaningful, and they have to give much thought into what they can and can’t do

Well at least, I would have understood better if “Riddle of the Sphinx” dIDN’T EXIST-

Ok listen, I do get what they tried to do. They wanted to show that the others do something and are part of the plot, while going to a more lighthearted route. But did they really, really, have to go with one of the oldest riddles in history? And make that Wu, of all people, didn’t know the correct answer to it?? When Kai gave the right answer, I was relieved, not surprised, and got me thinking that Wu and Cole need to read the first chapter of a riddle book in the future

Seriously, that time could have been used for something else, or they could have at least given a twist to the riddle

The part when Nya has to learn to communicate to the whales doesn’t make it better, because I know they can use the dragons

We know they can use the dragons

I miss the dragons

For real tho, why do they want to acknowledge the existence of dragons in season 11, but never even consider using them? I don’t want them to constantly use them, since it can be dangerous, but I want them to use them when it’s really needed

I know the writers wanted to make Nya use her powers, but I don’t see the need for it. It’s not like she used this power to do something completely important other than getting away from the island

… When they could have used the dragons-

Going to a different point, there was a lack of comedy in this season, which is one of the things I’m sad about. The thing that I love about Ninjago (and lego related things in general), is its comedy, because even if the story can be wonky or very simple, at least it makes me laugh and I have a good time. “The Virtues of Spinjitzu” is a good example for this, because even if some things from the plot are on the nose, it was hilarious as hell, especially the beginning, which is what makes it memorable and makes me desire to rewatch it someday

Seabound… didn’t have that. The jokes were not that funny for me, which I find unfortunate. It was the first season where I felt that, and I hope it will be the only one

The last point I want to make is that it’s visible some of the characters took the short end of the stick in being relevant this season. I know, this is not the first time it happened, and the creators most likely wanted to concentrate on other characters to balance their lack of focus in previous seasons, but you can write a season focused on one character and make the ones around it feel relevant as well. I genuinely prefer not to be any focus character in the season rather than sacrificing characters for one’s main story

One thing that bothered me the most was the lack of focus on Kai specifically, because this season was about his sister, and in this season, Nya struggles with her family relationship and herself. I’m sad that she and Kai didn’t have a moment when they both talked about their different perspective about their parents, and I’m sad that Kai wasn’t much shown in this season when he loses his sister

The thing that I love the most in this series is their sibling bond, with how they can bicker but care for each other deeply, and it was unfortunate to see a lack of it in this season, especially since it may take a while to see them together again

I do understand that the writers wanted to go with Kai being in a state of shock/processing about Nya’s “death” at the end, but I want to see him grieve in the next season. I want that the moment he’s showing his thoughts and feelings about Nya, his sister he cares deeply, the focus will be on him, like it was with Jay this season

So, the conclusion is that even if I enjoyed this season, I do have my issues with it. And even if I’m looking forward for the next season, I’ll keep my hopes low until I see it for myself, no matter how much it gets hyped

I’m a big fan of Ninjago, and I genuinely want to see it getting better with the pacing, comedy, and characterization

And please Ninjago, no more riddles/hj

#ninjago #ninjago seabound #do I like the series? yes #am I afraid to criticise it? of course not!#long post #ranting about things you're passionate about is always fun #people should do it more often #gh rant

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lokis-army-77 · 3 years ago

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If You Please

Chapter Sixteen

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 4790

This is technically a reader insert but without the (y/n) and all that. She also has no name mentioned so feel free to imagine as you please.

Follow the reader through the events of the Captain America movies and experience her love for Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: Alcohol, abuse, angst I think.

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Masterlist

We had been living in Romania for two months since that first night, and it wasn't easy, especially for Bucky. The nightmares still plagued him and in the hopes of warding them off, he would stay up days on end, only to crash out in the quiet dark hours of the night. I would always wake up when he started to thrash about and shout, always ready to comfort him. I wish I could say they are getting better but that would be a lie.

I had finally gotten the mattress cleaned a few weeks into our stay and tried to get Bucky's to sleep on it, instead of the hard floor, but he refused, only giving a curt response saying that he brought it for me. If I fell asleep anywhere other than on that mattress, I would wake up on it later on.

Bucky wouldn’t stay away for as long now, only choosing to leave the apartment when we needed food or other necessities. I saw this as him building trust with me, which I was glad to have. He even started to ask me questions, writing everything I would tell him down into the small notebook I gave him a few weeks back. I knew writing things helped when Steve and I came out of the ice so I thought that it may help him to uncover some of his memories. From the questions he would ask me and the short stories he would sporadically recall, I knew something had to be working.

Today had been like any other day, we both went out to gather some things that we might need and then quickly made our way back to the apartment. I was lounging out on the raggedy loveseat we had brought back about three weeks ago, reading a book when my attention was pulled away from it by the sound of my name.

“Uh-huh?” I confirmed while flipping the page.

“Can you come here for a second?”

And that's when it clicked, Bucky said my name. “Wait a second, you just said my name,” I observed astonished, slamming the book closed and looking at him.

“I know, I need you to come here” he replied back, turning his body in the dining chair to look at me in annoyance.

“No, hang on. You’ve been calling me ‘hey’ for the past two months.” The only time he called me by my name was when he was deep in a nightmare, he never consciously said it.

“I-” he stopped to think. “I think I just remembered it, it just came out.”

“That's great, Buck. It’ll take a little time but I know soon you’ll be remembering things that I can't even recall.” He gave a faint smile at that. “Now what is it that you needed?”

“Uh.. never mind, I think I’ll ask you about it later.” He said, withdrawing back into his shell somewhat.

“Are you sure?” I asked. He didn’t answer, just turned back to scribble in his notebook. I gave him a soft look before opening my book back up and continued to read.

Later on that same week I was humming a song while cooking some eggs and bacon on the stove. Bucky was still somewhat peacefully asleep on his floor pallet. Carefully I grabbed the bright green spatula on my right and scooped up the crispy bacon from the pan to place it on two plates. After dumping most of the grease out I turned the heat to low and cracked a few eggs into the pan, scrambling them as soon as they started to turn white. Thankfully they didn’t take that long and I was able to scoop them up and plate them in just over a minute. I wiped my hands off on the small towel on the counter. Picking up both plates and their silverware, I quietly made my way to where Bucky was sleeping and knelt down. I sat the plate in my left hand on the floor beside his head and he slowly opened his eyes. Groaning, he lifted the heels of his palms to rub the sleep from them.

“Good morning Buck, I made your favorite.” I waited for him to sit up before handing him the plate in my right hand.

“What was that song you were humming earlier? It sounded familiar,” he said as he carefully took the plate of food. I grabbed mine off the floor and maneuvered myself so I was sitting on the ground beside him.

“It was ‘If You Please’, a Bing Crosby song. We used to dance to it during the war.” I watched him as he nodded while also shoveling eggs into his mouth.

“Oh,” he looked at his now empty fork, “I don’t remember how to dance.

An idea came to me as I picked up a piece of bacon. “What if, after we eat breakfast, I show you.” Then I bit into the piece of bacon, chewing as he looked at me with wide eyes, almost as if he thought I were being crazy.

“But-” He started.

“No buts, I think this will be good, it may help you remember if you can do something that you used to do, maybe it will help to jog your memory,” I said as I started on my eggs.

“Okay.” he let out, sounding very unsure.

After we had eaten and the dishes had been stacked into the sink, we both worked on moving the mattress and his cot out of the middle of the floor. When the floor was clear of anything that we could somehow trip over I dragged him into the middle and placed my hands onto his shoulders.

“Okay, now you put your hands on my waist,” I instructed. He hesitantly placed his hands a little high on my hips, I smiled at him before moving my hands down to correct his placement. “Let's move them down a little. There,” I said, as I brought my hands back up to his shoulders.

“Um, now what?” He questioned, looking everywhere but at me. I could see a tinge of pink rising to his cheeks.

“Now, I’ll sing the song and lead the dance, you just follow my movements,” I told him softly before straightening my back and hooking my arms around his neck. I then began to quietly sing the words to the song, humming at the parts where words were not needed.

The dance started off slow as Bucky looked at both of our feet and copied each step that I took. He took small unconfident steps, but he was still as graceful as he was in the past. Looking up at his face I noticed how concentrated he was. His brow was pulled in tight, looking almost like he was angry, and the very tip of his tongue was visible through his lips as he bit down on it.

We danced until I was finished with the song, but Bucky kept going. I felt the shift of when he took control of the dance and I was no longer leading him. His left hand removed itself from my waist and up to grab my right one from around his neck. His right hand wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him. My heart sped up a little at this, we haven't been this close in years and it almost felt like the forest time we went dancing together.

I started to hum another slow song as Bucky led me around the living room, through a series of spins. At some point, my head came to rest on his chest while my left arm wrapped itself under his as we held each other close. His chin was barely resting on the top of my head.

“Thank you.” I heard him barely whisper. I faltered in my steps and hummed, but he kept me from tripping.

“What are you thanking me for?”

“Just- thank you for helping me remember some of the good things.” he choked out. “This,” he moves his head to reference what we were doing, “this has helped. I don’t remember it all, but flashes of us dancing are coming to mind. There’s someone with you in a stunning blue dress in a bar somewhere, I think it’s in London, I could be remembering wrong.”

I smiled widely, knowing exactly what he was remembering. “You're right, it was London. That was right after we found you-” I trailed off, realizing that if I said more about finding him in the HYDRA base it might ruin the moment.

The dancing slowed until we were just standing in the middle of the room completely still. Bucky coughed awkwardly and then let me go before walking over to the dining table and snatching up his backpack. “I’m- I’m uh going- out. I’ll be back in a while.” He let out before quickly rushing to the front door and down the stairs. I watched after him with a woeful look.

It had been almost six hours since Bucky had left and the apartment was getting more boring by the minute. I had already put the mattress and Bucky’s pallet back in their spots, I had cleaned and even showered. When I realized he wasn’t going to be home any time soon, I decided to go on a run. Something I hadn’t done in a while.

Bucky and I had decided that until the news of what had happened with SHIELD and the fact that all of their secrets were out in the open, including ones that had both of us included in them, died down, we probably both shouldn't leave the apartment at the same time. That way it would be less likely for us to be spotted.

It had only been two months but it had been a while since I had seen any news or heard any talk of us or the events in January. So I quickly got dressed in some warm running clothes and a blue beanie to keep my hair hidden, in hopes that it would help keep people from recognizing me.

Then I was off, bounding down the several flights of stairs and out the side door of the very old apartment building. It was almost one-thirty and the streets were busy, so I wasn’t able to go at full sprint. But the average run was wonderful. The cool air hitting my face was just what I had needed after being cooped up all day.

I had only been running for maybe twenty or thirty minutes when I started to feel the hairs on the back of my neck start to stand and goosebumps started to cover my arms. Nothing ever crossed my mind other than it being super cold out, so I paid no attention to it. Running some more I came to a long dark alleyway between several tall buildings. Right as I turned off of the sidewalk and into the alley I felt something grab my hand.

I turned in surprise, swinging my free arm to try and take out whoever had placed their hands on me. The attempted punch was futile as that hand was caught by a large gray metal hand. Looking up at the person, I recognized Bucky. His hood was up over his ball cap and his hair was dangling in his face.

“Oh, it's just you,” I let out a sigh of relief. I tried to take my hands out of his grasp but he only held on tighter.

“What the hell are you doing out here?” he almost yelled.

“I went on a run because I was bored and alone.”

“We agreed to not go out at the same time.” He was looking at me furiously and I swore if he were any madder, smoke would be billowing from his ears.

“I’m sorry but you have been gone for six hours.”

“I came back and you weren't there. I looked everywhere and then I spotted you, running.” He softened for a second.

“It’s okay, I wasn’t leaving you. I just needed to get out of there for a while. I was being careful, nothing would have happened.” I smiled up at him, but it quickly fell when turned away from me quickly.

“YOU DON’T KNOW THAT,” he bellowed out, slamming his metal hand into the bricks right next to us. I flinched at that as old memories flashed behind my eyes. “You don’t know that,” he said more calmly. He reached out for my hand and started to lead me back to the apartment. “Come on, let's get off the street.” I just followed him silently.

After getting back to the apartment, I went straight into the bathroom without a word and started running the water for a shower. When the water was scalding hot I took my clothes off and stepped in. The water hit my chest and neck before I turned around to wet my hair. I stood under the running water for what felt like forever before I felt my eyes start to burn and tears started to spring out and mix with the shower water.

I hated how I felt at the moment like I was back to being the helpless little kid that I used to be. Huddled under the dining room table, clinging onto Steve as I cried. I hadn’t had the slightest relapse in years and just the way that Bucky had yelled and slammed into the wall had flung back to when I was five.

I slowly washed myself off and continued to let the water rush over me until it began to run cold. When I finally got the tears to stop flowing, I turned the water off and stepped out, grabbing one of the towels off of the rack and drying off. I dressed in a sweater and a pair of sweatpants I had grabbed before coming into the bathroom. After that, I wrapped the towel I had used around my wet hair and then stepped out into the cold air of the living area.

I slowly padded my way to the fridge, I paid no mind to Bucky, who was sitting across the love seat. Opening the fridge door I rummaged through what we had before settling on grabbing the milk container. I sat it on the counter beside me as I reached above me to grab the box of half-empty cereal from the top of the fridge. Then I went over to the sink to wash one of the two bowls we had before making my dinner.

When I had finally finished making my bowl of cereal, I noticed it getting darker, which made me realize the earlier event had drained me more than I thought.

Settling down into the mattress, I laid on my side and gathered the extra length of the blanket into my arms. Bucky was fast asleep behind me on his pallet and pretty soon I fell asleep as well.

I opened my eyes to the sun shining straight into them. I could hear loud banging noises coming through the door of the tiny room I was in. I realized quickly that it was my childhood room back in New York. Steadily I flung the covers off of me and slid myself off the bed and onto the ground. Looking over at the mirror next to the bed I noticed I was a child again, I paid it no mind as I fixed my nightgown before walking to the door of my room. Gently I reached up to grab hold of the knob and twisted. As soon as the door was open, the banging sounds became louder. Sticking my head out into the hall I looked down to the kitchen where the noise was coming from before completely stepping out of my room.

Tentatively I walked down the hall to the barely closed kitchen door. Before I could place my hand on the door to push it open, Steve stopped me. He bent down to my height and looked me in the eyes, shaking his head. I didn’t really understand what he was trying to convey so I rushed forward past him and into the kitchen, only to stop short. There, laid out in the middle of the kitchen floor was our mother with blood dripping down her face onto the wooden floor. Father stood over her with a bottle in one hand and blood covering his other fist. My heart pounded as I ran to my mother's side, crying loudly. As I came to her side I felt a large hand snatch my upper arm and a second later I was flying into one of the kitchen chairs. The tears came faster after that. They blurred my vision so much that I hadn't noticed Steve coming into the kitchen as well until he was helping me sit up.

“Shh, it’s okay, let's hurry and get back to bed.” He tried lifting me to my feet, but I fought.

“Mommy,” I cried. Escaping from Steve's hold I crawled my way back to her. And that's when I felt the hand slapping my face.

“Oh stop crying. You aren’t a baby.” I heard my father say as I brought my hands up to cup the side of my face and just cried more. He didn’t like this so in a fit of anger he threw his beer bottle across the room and into the wall. It shattered into hundreds of tiny brown glass pieces. Then he took his belt off and wrapped the buckled end of it around his hand and then headed straight for me. I blurted out of his way when he took his first steps towards me, but soon I was backed up into a corner. “Come here, so I can give you a whooping for not listing.”

“No Daddy please.” I cried harder as he came closer. That’s when Steve ran in between us.

“Dad stop, she's only five.”

“You get out of the way Steve or I’ll give you one too.” He took another step forward but Steve stood still. Through my tears, I could see Father's eyes becoming darker with anger at each passing second. When Steve still didn’t move out of his way after the next few steps, he started swinging the belt, catching Steve violently on the left cheek then back again across his right arm and around to his back. The force of the blow knocked him away just long enough for Father to reach me in the corner and take me up and start walking. The pain I felt all around my body from the sting of the belt was excruciating. I cried even more which in turn made Father angrier.

I let out a relieved sob when Mother grabbed hold of the hand that was wielding the belt, halting the onslaught of whips.

“Joseph, stop it, please. They’re both just children, leave them out of this.” she pleaded with him, which only made him turn back to beating her. I ran to hide under the table, soon after that Steve came to hide with me. I calmed my tears but I was left numb, the only thing I could hear were the sounds of Father hurting Mother. And then finally they stopped. Slowly crawling out from under the table we were met with the swollen, bloodied face of our Mother and Father was nowhere to be found.

“It’s okay children, he’s gone to bed now,” she said calmly as I made my way into her lap.

“Mom, why did you get back up?” I heard Steve ask shakily.

“Because, and both of you listen well because you always get back up. No matter how much it hurts, you stand up. Stand up for yourself, for those weaker and even stronger than you, and for each other.” She said as she gently rubbed my back.

I woke up with a start after that. Chest heaving for air, sweat covering every inch of my body, despite the room being freezing cold. There was shuffling behind me and then something cold was placed on my shoulder, I flinched away from it and turned around quickly, fear clouding my vision. I relaxed when I noticed that it was only Bucky. Letting out a shaky breath I let the dam of tears break away.

Bucky hesitantly scooted closer to where I was sitting and gently, but hesitantly, placed both his hands on the upper part of my arms and rubbed up and down.

“Are you okay? You were screaming in your sleep and then you just shot up out of nowhere,” he asked, concern dripping from his words.

“I’m okay now,” I replied shakily. “It was just a bad dream.”

“Do you- do you want to talk about it?”

I nodded slightly, knowing it would be best to get it off my chest than to keep what had happened bottled up. So for the next little while, I related to Bucky what had happened in my dream and told him bits and pieces of the abuse that had happened in my childhood before my father passed away in nineteen twenty-six.

“I’ve been in violent situations before and was fine, like in the world war, but when you slammed your hand into the wall today it triggered something in me that hadn't been triggered in a very long time,” I said, wiping the now drying tears from my cheeks. After the words left my mouth I felt Bucky slowly remove himself from his spot on my mattress and back onto the floor. “Thanks for listening, we should go back to bed now,” I yawned.

“Good night.” He whispered.

I reached down my bed to grab at the covers that were bunched up on the floor. Dragging them up, I laid back down as I covered myself with them. “Good night,” I whispered back to him. I closed my eyes, but I never did go back to sleep.

Over the next few days, after I had had the nightmare, I saw Bucky less and less. He would avoid me all day, the only time he was ever really directly next to me was when we would lay down for bed. I honestly had no clue as to why he was so diligently keeping me at a distance, but it was starting to worry me a bit. We had worked so hard to get to the place we were and now it was falling away.

He had left early in the morning like he had been but when he came home I had made a peace offering of sorts, hoping that food would be the way to stop avoiding me. I had spent quite a while flipping through a Romanian cookbook trying to figure out what I was going to make for dinner before settling on creamed chicken, which looked a lot more appetizing than it sounded.

I gathered all the ingredients I would need and then got to work. While the oven was preheating I chopped all the vegetables and placed them in a large dutch oven along with the chicken. After that I covered it with the lid and placed it in the bottom rack of the oven, I left it there for an hour.

While the vegetables and chicken were cooking slowly, I pan-cooked the mushrooms I had chopped earlier until they were nice and browned. This didn’t take long so when I had finished with the mushrooms, I sat down to read while I waited on the food in the oven to finish.

After the hour was up I took the chicken and vegetables out of the oven and poured a mixture of two cups of cream and a few tablespoons of flowers into the pot, along with the mushrooms from before and a tablespoon of paprika. I mixed it up a little with my wooden spoon to make sure everything was well incorporated, then I stuck the lid back on and placed the pot back in the oven for another thirty minutes.

When the thirty minutes were up, I took the food out of the coven and turned it off. I spooned some of the chicken and creamy broth into two separate bowls just as Buckey walked through the door. I looked up and smiled at him as he sat his backpack down on the dining table.

“Hey, I’m glad you got here when you did. I just finished making dinner, but I’ll only let you have it if you promise to tell me why you keep avoiding me.” I said jokingly as I walked to place our bowls down on the table. He just looked at me then turned, heading into the bathroom.

Seconds later I heard the shower turn on and I let out a huff. I sat down and ate my serving of food while I waited on him to finish up in the bathroom. It felt like hours before he finally opened the door. I abruptly stood up from my spot on the dining chair, determined to get some sort of answer from him.

“Bucky, why do you keep avoiding me?” My question was met with silence as he strode his way to his pallet and laid down like he was going to bed, even though it wasn’t even seven yet. “Bucky, please answer me. It’s been almost a week”. I paced my way to stand directly behind him, he turned his back to me. I bent down and slowly placed my hand on his arm. He jerked it away from me and scooted away.

“Don’t touch me.” He let out in almost a warning tone.

“Okay, I won’t, but I just want to know why you’re ignoring my existence completely.” I backed away from him. “I deserve even the smallest of explanations.” But still, nothing came. I stood up then and went back to the table to pick up my empty bowl and his full one and headed over to the kitchen. I dumped the contents of Bucky's bowl back into the pot and then covered the lid so I could place it in the fridge to eat later.

“Dinner’s in the fridge whenever you decide you want some.” I paused for a second, “Can you at least say something?”

He let out an exasperated breath, shooting up to look at me. “Fine you want to know why I’m avoiding you, then here it is. You shouldn’t have followed me here. I’m dangerous, I could hurt you or anyone else for that matter. The other day was testament enough of that. So just stay away from me.”

I stood there silently, a little confused by his words. “Bucky you could never hurt me, I know you wouldn’t.”

“Maybe not knowingly, but I could. Like you said, I scared you the other day, made you remember things your father did. It wasn’t physical but I still hurt you.”

“So that's why you were avoiding me? Because you thought that I was scared of you? Bucky I would never be scared of you, you’ve never given me a reason to be. All I said was that it triggered something, I was caught off guard. Someone else could have easily been the one to trigger it instead of you.” I said as I made my way back over to him.

“You don’t know that. You don't know that I wouldn’t hurt you.” He said shakily.

“Yes I do, Buck. I know you wouldn't, because two months ago when you were the Winter Soldier, you had plenty of chances to finish me off, to hurt me, and you didn’t. I know you, and I know you would never seriously hurt me. There is some part of your past still alive in you that's why you’re afraid you’ll hurt me now and that's why you wouldn't hurt me then.” I assured him as I tentatively placed my hand on his and gripped it tight. “I trust you Bucky, whether you trust yourself or not.”

His head bent down to look at our hands and then he looked back at me, his lips twitching into an almost unnoticeable smile. I felt him grip my hand tightly before letting it go. “I think I’ll take some of that chicken now,” he said as he heaved himself up off the floor.

I backed away up onto the loveseat behind me in order to let him pass by me. I said nothing as I picked up my book from the cushion beside me and started to read where I had left off earlier in the day.

Authors note: If you are confused, Steve's father was an abuser in the comics so that's what's going on. I don't think he was one in the MCU, but the MCU version died in WW1 right after Steve was born, so I added the comic version to fit in with the timeline of Reader's birth and some other plot stuff for this chapter.

Tag List: @ginger-swag-rapunzel @underc0vercryptid-reads @geek-and-proud @intothesoul @leyannrae @starkleila @andy-is-gay

#james buchanan barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x rogers!reader #winter solider x reader #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction

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callemreine · 3 years ago

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It hurts a little bit too much

'It’s time to grow up. I’m finally doing something that people enjoy! Something that people take time to pay attention to! Why can’t you understand that!'

Au August

Day/Prompt: Day 2 - Acting

Ship: Prinxiety, brief platonic moxiety

Word count: 1780

Cw: swearing / yelling (I'm sorry) / self-deprecation / crying / La la Land spoilers? (some people haven't watched it)

A/N: This is solely based on La La Land but I changed a few things that may change the direction of the story than what was actually in the film and this is my first time writing something angsty so forgive me angst gods </3 Also, Roman wants to be a Broadway actor but signed as a pop band singer instead. Virgil is still like Mia but not as headstrong

@tsshipmonth2020

Virgil has been with Roman for quite a while now. Roman has recently signed a contract for a pop band with his old friend, Janus, despite their doubt about the guy. Virgil wasn’t exactly pleased with what he witnessed when he was invited to one of his partner’s concerts. With the single confused tear left on the venue floor, Virgil has been worried since then about what Roman has gotten himself into.

~*~*~

Virgil was returning home after his dinner out with his friend, Patton; the only person keeping him stable since Roman left for… Boston? Maybe Dallas? He stopped keeping track a while ago.

When he reached the porch of their apartment, he hears the faint instrumental of ‘Only Us’ playing inside. He continues inside to see his partner setting up the table, his back facing him. “Roman?” The man suddenly drops the pot he’s holding on the table and turns to him. Roman let out a sigh of relief before flashing a small endearing smile to Virgil. “Surprise?” The taller man says in a small breathy voice, almost a whisper. “I have to leave in the morning but, I just had to see you,” he continues.

Virgil freezes for a moment before rushing to Roman, dropping everything he’s carrying, wrapping his arms around the other’s neck to kiss him. Roman wraps his arms around Virgil’s waist to keep them steady.

~*~*~

“I’m so glad to be home,” The taller man says with a smile. “Stay,” Virgil replies with a hopeful look; only to be returned with the same look from the other.

The pair are now seated at the dining table across from each other, instrumental music playing in the background.

“How’s your play? Hope you’re not too nervous,” Roman breathes out as he notices the other’s mood shift as he mentions the play. “You know me. I’m nervous about everything,” Virgil jokes with a chuckle. “Plus, what if people show up? I’m gonna perform in front of them. They’ll think I’m terrible,”

“Fuck ‘em” They laugh a little before Roman continues, ”They should be lucky to see it. It’s gonna be incredible. YOU’RE gonna be incredible. I can’t wait.” Virgil looks down on his food with a sad smile.

“I have to leave early tomorrow,” As much as Roman thinks that the statement sounds wrong when it left his lips, he doesn’t want Virgil to worry. “Boise, right?” Virgil inquires still looking at his food. Roman hums in agreement and continues, “You should come,”

“Wish I could. I still have to rehearse cuz’, we’re not all gifted in acting like a certain prince-like man I know,” Virgil teases with a smile. Roman chuckles, “Well, if you wanted me to help you, you could’ve just said so, darling,”

“I guess it’ll have to wait until you’re done with the tour,” Virgil replies with a forced smile. Roman’s face falls. “When are you done?” Virgil continues. “Uhm. Well, we’re only touring so we can make the record. After we’re done, we’re gonna record then, we go back to tour that record…” He trails off.

Virgil processes this information and decides to just let his brain talk. His heart is too soft for this conversation but, it can’t continue hurting for months. Or years.

“Do you like it?” Roman was caught off guard with the question and was confused with what Virgil meant. “The music, the band, the tour, singing on stage. Do you like it?” Virgil clarifies.

“I…” he trails off. “I don’t know how it matters,” Roman doesn’t like where this is going. All this time. All this touring. He thought it was what Virgil wanted him to do. Roman looks Virgil in the eyes, “Do you like the music?”

“I do. I just didn’t think you did…” The pair fell in uncomfortable silence, letting Virgil’s last statement linger between them.

“Why are you doing this? I thought you wanted me to do this. This is what we’ve been waiting for,” Roman is deep into confusion at this point. He’s been in this band for a while, he just wants to know why Virgil hasn’t anything before he signed on the dotted line that would seal his life.

Virgil sighed, “I just wanted to know where you’re theatre is gonna fit into all of this.” He said in such a small voice that, Roman wanted to just sweep Virgil off his feet to make everything better again. “There’s a reason why there are no theatres here because no one is like me. No one likes musicals here. Not even you,” Roman explained.

Virgil can’t take how pathetic Roman thinks of this entire situation. Yes, it’s Virgil that usually overthinks these things and, it’s not entirely impossible for Roman to as well but, this is just pure non-sense to Virgil. “I do like them now, because of you!” He blurted out with a slightly raised voice.

“Well, what am I supposed to do? Wait for you to be successful only for me to build something no one likes? It- It’s time to grow up. I’m finally doing something that people enjoy! Something that people take time to pay attention to! Why can’t you understand that!” Roman exclaimed, determined for Virgil to understand his point of view, not bothering to look at the other.

“Since when did you care about being liked? Why do you care so much about being liked-”

“You’re not an actor! How would you know?!” Roman immediately regrets his statement, knowing he doesn’t mean it. To him, Virgil is the greatest actor he has ever seen and, nothing would ever change that. He glances at Virgil and, sees the destruction his statement has caused slowly unfolding.

“No. No- I- I didn’t mean that, Virgil. I’m sorry. I promise it’s not true-” he tried to reverse his mistake but, to Virgil, the destruction has always been always there, this was just what he needed for everything to fall apart.

“Maybe you just liked me because I made you feel like a better actor,” Virgil stated blandly in a matter-of-fact manner. Roman knew that he was never better than Virgil, as an actor or not. He was heartbroken to hear that his partner thinks that he was just being used. His statement earlier was just a slip-up but this… What Virgil’s feeling is all his fault.

“Are you kidding?” Roman can’t bear to lose someone that he loves so much. Tears well up in his eyes, tempting to let them fall.

“No,” Virgil calmly replied, keeping a stern face.

Both of them, heartbroken, stared at each other, not letting go of what’s left between them.

But before any of them could say anything, Roman’s phone, which he left in the kitchen, rang. His ringtone echoing through the apartment. Roman sighs at the sound but doesn’t stand up. However, Virgil does and eyes for the door. Roman stays frozen for a moment before going after Virgil.

“Virgil, wait-” before he could continue, Virgil had already slammed the door.

~*~*~

You guys can use your imagination to fill in what happens after the argument up to before the next part.

But, if you haven’t watched La La Land, basically, Virgil did the one-man play and Roman didn’t show up and only a few people show up then, he goes back home to his parents in a different state, leaving everything behind. I think that’s all you need to know??

~*~*~

It’s been a few weeks since Virgil came home to his parents. He was devastated to see his old stuff and how hopeful he was to become an actor. Yet, he can’t bring himself to take it all down.

Virgil had abandoned his phone and his laptop to the very back of his closet and sticks to using his mp3 in the meantime. He has been needing some time to rethink his life decisions before facing the real world again. Leaving Roman to pick up whatever he left in Los Angeles.

He was finally enjoying peace and quiet for the first time in a while, until…

HHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

~*~*~

“The fuck are you doing here?!” Virgil whisper-yelled as he walked towards the man, wondering what’s so important that Roman had to follow him all the way to another state.

“Thomas Sanders. The casting director. He was at your play-” Roman began. Just at the mention of the name, Virgil had become more troubled but hopeful at the same time.

“And he loved it so much, he wants you to audition for this HUGE-” Roman stated as he slammed his hand on his car for emphasis, startling Virgil a little. ”-huge movie that he’s got,” He continued with visible excitement.

Virgil shook his head with a little chuckle before running his hand over his mouth, “I- I can’t- I’m not going to that- That.. will kill me,” he continues to shake his head.

“WHAT?!” Roman exclaims, startling Virgil again. “What?! Shh shh! You have to be quiet cuz’ if my neighbors don’t call the police on you, I will,” He attempts to calm Roman down. “No. You have to make sense. You can’t stay here and be miserable for the rest of your life. You need to be reasonable here,” Roman persists.

“Because it’s just another goddamn audition!” Virgil explodes with all the hurt and anger he’s gathered through the years of auditioning for shows. “I’ve been to hundreds of auditions and it’s just the same thing over and over again! I’m sick of it! Yeah, sure, I get callbacks but, where does it end? Another fucking rejection! All of those countless hours of waiting for the phone to ring. Be- because maybe I’m not good enough,” Virgil pauses.

“I’ve been wanting this for years. And, now... Now that I don’t want it anymore. Now that I gave up on it. Another one fucking presents itself to what? Another rejection? I’m- I’m not giving myself another heartbreak, Roman. It hurts a little bit too much,” Virgil admits, already crying. It hurts Roman to see Virgil this way. He’s seen Virgil become so passionate about his play, he needs to let him see that this is not ‘just another audition,’ it’s the reward his hard work is all for. He needs to know.

“You’re a baby,” Roman bluntly states. “Maybe I am,” He couldn’t continue arguing anymore. “But, you said it’s time to grow up. And, I’m doing that so, why won’t you help me?” Virgil continues.

“You have an audition at 5:30. I’ll pick you up at 8,” as much as Roman wants Virgil to grab this chance, he can’t force him to if he doesn’t really want to. He loves him too much for that. At least he tried. “You’ll be out front or not. I don’t know,” Roman continues as he gets in his car and drives off, leaving Virgil standing in the middle of the road, staring at the library in front of him. The library that once helped him set his path to acting.

~*~*~

Perhaps Virgil was out front at 7:30 and got accepted in the audition.

Perhaps he wasn’t.

Told ya I'm not good at angst ;-;

#TSSAUgust #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides au #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #ts virgil #ts roman #prinxiety #ts prinxiety #em writes

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justrandomselfships · 3 years ago

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Little steps- my self insert Fic (S/I POV) with a bunch of silly illustrations! Oh did I mention that this involves Kaeya? Well he's the main focus here even though Lisa is mentioned shit ton of times! Might write something for her focus too someday.

I finished it ages ago but I was afraid to post it- I'm not anymore and also✨ it's my birthday ✨

Ever since I joined the knights I decided to write in a diary, it helped me keep track of time. Lisa told me that it can help me in various ways, like for example remembering names of the other knights, or checking my personal progress. Now that I think about it, it was long since I checked my old entries. Nothing interesting happened today anyway so I might as well read some. I don't really remember anything that was going on when I started so I suppose I could refresh my memory.

Today Lisa wanted to introduce me to someone- she probably wanted to help me by looking for training partner for me, however I had to refuse. You probably remember why was that, I got scared of meeting someone new again. I couldn't get that mess on her shoulders when she has so much to do as it is! And there was no way I'd meet them alone it'd be too akward for both of us!

I remember the exact moment I tried to come up with an excuse for future me... It kinda made me giggle how stupid I am sometimes, but let's look at something else...

I've never felt as lonely as I do now, I don’t even know why. I don’t miss anyone nor I ever craved any interactions... But to make that feeling go away I thought about talking to Amber but when I left the house she was talking to Noelle and I got scared to approach them... Instead I decided to sketch something and stay inside for the rest of the day.

I immediately looked at my sketchbook, I don't even have to look inside, I was drawing what's outside my window like always. Maybe I'll find some better memory if I keep looking?

During my patrol I got a bit lost... It was scary... But I wasn't alone, an Adventurer found me... However he got lost too. It was a bit unlucky day since I picked the wrong maps, we also got attacked a few times by monsters. I kinda feel bad for him since he tried his best to cheer me up but I stayed silent. It should've been other way around a knight shouldn't le

Bennett! How could I forget his name when I was writing this? He was such a sweetheart I obviously had to mess it up and make him feel uncomfortable... But I did make up for it! Maybe I'll finally read something positive? I somehow can't remember how exactly that went... Or if I was daydreaming about apologizing?

I decided to bake something for Bennett as thank you and apology for acting so cold towards him. But I had no idea on how to find him... Or what to say... So after thinking for few minutes I decided to talk to Katherine and ask her to give it to him. After "talking" to her I locked myself in my room out of embarrassment, I messed up again. I just said "Bennett" placed my pastries and left. Now I probably won't be able to face her for at LEAST two months.

I cringe at the memory... Gosh now this will keep me up at night for sure... I finally forgot about it and now it'll haunt me.

Wait a second... Did I really not made any progress at all!? I was trying so hard to socialize with others and get out more but I seem to still not be able to do it right. No, it's impossible. I'm good friends with Lisa! So I definitely made any progress... Or is she just so easy to talk to? Time to take a final look at something recent for a change...

Capitan Kaeya Alberich wanted to talk to me outside work... It might not sound like a big deal but somehow I just froze... I wasn't able to respond properly and he probably guessed what I was going to say, not that he ever can't do that... I might be too predictable. Either way I feel bad, my behavior was really disrespectful and I knew better than that to just ignore someone like him. I still have much to learn and I'll need to properly apologize for staying silent.

I only ever failed... There is no mistaking it. Great way to note down progress huh? Too bad there is none.

Think, what do I need to do to finally do better? I am the problem for sure but what do I really need to change? Maybe I should just start observing how others act... After all I never bothered to do that. It might help in one way or another...

Obviously there's only one place where there is a lot of people and I won't look like a total creep if I'll just listen in the conversations and look at random people... It's no other than the tavern. I'm scared to go there alone... But I don't have to!

Lisa would be willing to go right?... Then again I rely on her a bit too much and going out like this could be an opportunity to break the ice with someone else...

Jean is always busy, Amber will be way too distracting and we might end up somewhere else, Eula is too scary, Venti... I don't even know why I'm considering him.

Maybe that offer from capitan Kaeya still stands? It's from bearly 2 weeks ago so maybe if I get lucky and he happens to still be interested, I can actually go...

What am I even thinking!? I didn't even apologize for the last time... But being around so many drunk people is terrifying... However I can't bet on the fact that he won't drink too much... On the other hand he seems to handle people and I'll definitely learn something.

Screw it. It might be scary but I need to do it. Tomorrow I'll ask him! That's for sure! He's the most respectable and trustworthy person who isn't always busy and will not distract me.

~⏳

I'm scared to do it but I have to! I need to... Did I really say that I'm gonna do it today? Or should I just pretend that I never thought of it. He's probably busy today. Yup definitely that no need to feel stressed.

I haven't seen him back at the headquarters nor did I see him around town when I was coming back from my patrol- that's a good sign. It's still pretty early but I don't think that I'll see him today... What a relief!

Before I left the headquarters after finishing some paperwork I hear a voice that belongs to a beautiful librarian I am lucky to be able to call a friend.

"Hey there cutie, are you okay?"

"Just a little bit nervous that's all, nothing new haha"

"Do you need me to pass a message again?"

"No need! It's something I need to say myself..."

"I see..."

"But if you happen to see capitan Kaeya it would be nice if you could tell him that I was looking for him" out of habit I grab my hair and begin to play with it. Lisa's warm soothing voice blessed my ears as she said "No worries darling, I'll let him know" before she left and giggled to herself...

Wait... Oh no.

Why did I say anything!? Is she that magical that I can't say anything but what's on my mind.

If she happens to meet him my request will be unavoidable! Even if I tried thinking of something else Kaeya will know that I'm lying. I can't avoid him either... Can't waste his precious time...

How do I even ask him!? Do I need to change from my work clothes before I go? What should I do...

I didn't realize that I started walking in circles before someone approached me.

"Heather?"

I turn around and see the man I was thinking about all day. Dammit... I have to say it. I can't think of an excuse and staying silent is now unacceptable.

"Oh-uhm... Greetings Capitan Kaeya"

"Lisa informed me that you were looking for me"

"Oh right!... That... Haha..."

"I don't want to rush you, however I do have some business to attend to"

"I'm so sorry! I mean- since you're busy then my silly request is irrelevant"

"Come now, I believe that I should be the judge of that" his smug look made it ever so slightly more challenging to say anything.

"I just... Ugh..." I took a deep breath "Look as you know I was trying to loosen up recently and well I realized that I wasn't making any progress at all. So I remembered that one time you asked me to go to the tavern with you and I refused... I mean ignored you, which I am VERY sorry about but now I think that it was a mistake and today I wanted to ask you to accompany me but since you're busy let's just forget about everything" I felt relieved getting that off my chest.

"I don't think that will do, in fact I was heading towards the tavern so if you really want to I suppose you can join me" Oh right... I forgot about him gathering some information there from time to time. So it might work after all! He won't pay too much attention to me and I could investigate without tons of distractions.

"Let's get going then capitan" I say before he smiles softly in response "Wait do you want to get going now or-"

"Yes" he cut me off, which was fair and I'm glad he did it before I said something dumb.

We're almost there. Before we get closer I suddenly stop.

"That reminds me!" I realized I spoke out loud, as he looked at my direction my confidence dropped dead "I've never actually tried any alcohol so would you be so kind to recommend something for me? I figured that since I'm already getting out of my comfort zone might as well try something new" I said under my breath but he definitely understood what I meant judging by his facial expression and well... response.

"Absolutely" my heart skipped a beat. I desperately tried to start a conversation topic... But choosing alcohol might be something I'll regret...

Kaeya started listing few drinks I could enjoy his words were poetic as he described the beverages, however the names of the drinks went over my head. It wasn't that bad but I just felt stupid over how clueless I was. He definitely knew what he was talking about and I'm more than interested in hearing more. The more he talks the less likely I am to say something I'll regret.

"Obviously since I don't know how much you can handle I won't be forcing you to try too much too soon" he paused "Your father probably wouldn't be happy either if you returned drunk" he said teasingly. It invited me to respond less seriously.

"Oh no! This means that we'll have to do it again, how awful"

"We didn't enter yet so you can feel free to leave now before you regret spending time with me of all people" his voice was now suddenly much more hostile... Did I mess it up!?

He laughed softly "I'm sorry did I go too far? While I don't want to force you to do anything, I won't lie... I'm a bit curious to learn something new about you tonight"

We were still outside standing right in front of the entrance to the tavern if not for chatting we could hear from the inside there would be total silence.

"I'm sorry for being quiet again! It's just that you caught me off guard haha" I look away "There isn't much to know about me so I feel like I'll only disappoint you"

"I'm not so sure about that part"

"Wait... Did my father tell you anything about me!?"

"Look let's just get inside, We'll discuss it later"

Nervously I followed him yet again. The atmosphere was warm and I could see different kinds of people all over the place. We sit down.

"So did he tell you anything?" I ask immediately.

"Relax, he didn't" he seemed amused by my desperation to know. It's understandable... And I'm probably overreacting anyway. I collect my thoughts "I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm just making this into some big deal for no reason. Maybe the reason is the huge amount of respect I have for you that makes me freak out"

"I see, well I don't see the reason to be so formal now. We aren't working after all" his soft smile was enough for me to calm down.

"Thank you" Maybe it was all I needed to hear, after that everything went smoothly.

I start feeling proud of myself... Maybe I can change after all? Either way it only shows that I have to write it down! And once I was back home I did just that.

Today I had enough courage to take a step in right direction! I went to a tavern with capitan Kaeya. It was fun and for the first time in years I wasn't that scared. It wasn't totally perfect but it was definitely worth it.

#❄️ frozen in tide 🌊#selfship #self insert #oc x cannon #self ship #my self insert #self shipping #my f/o #kinda self ship related #my self ship #kaeya x oc

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smegdwarf · 4 years ago

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But Who Could Love Me? (Rimmer x Reader) - Chapter 9

A/N: 3 chapters in 3 days holy crapoly!

Warnings: This chapter does get a little tense (Rimmer has a breakdown) and I guess some implied smut 😏

Summary: Basically giving Rimmer the love he deserves :p

"What do you want me to do?" Rimmer shouted after you as he chased you down the corridor.

"Well for a start you need to tell Lister what you've done with Kochanski's disc?" You stood with your arms crossed.

"I can't tell him, he'll flush me out of an airlock" Rimmer was full of panic about possibly losing you "What about you?"

"Don't worry about me, I understand why you did it but you need to tell him!" You spoke sternly as you walked off, turning back after a few steps "and until you do ...I'm off limits"

Despite telling him not to worry about you he quite clearly was, it also wasn't long before the others picked up on the tension between you two, hoping that distancing yourself from him would make him act quicker.

"Morning!" You smiled as you walked into Starbug's cockpit, standing next to Rimmer's chair as he looked at you a little upset that you weren't being your usual self, leaning against his chair.

"Krytes found a derelict on the scanner, thought we'd check it out before we head home" Lister smiled, clearly Rimmer hadn't told him yet.

"Sleep well?" Rimmer tried to spark conversation.

"Yeah fine thanks" You didn't even look at him as you sat down in Cat's seat, the feline must've already been on his second nap of the day, after all he has prepare for his main snooze.

"Is everyting ok ma'am?" Kryten asked as you turned to smile at him.

"Ooh trouble in paradise?" Lister smirked as Rimmer squirmed in his seat.

"No we're fine aren't we Arnie?" You smiled at Rimmer who was completely confused by your behaviour.

"Sure" He gave you a half hearted smile.

"Right bring her in Listy, I'll go wake up Cat" You patted Lister on the shoulder.

"Good luck!" Lister laughed.

"I don't need luck Listy!" You smirked as you left.

Before long you were all on the derelict, creeping quietly through the ship as the scanner in your hands lit up.

"Hmm theres life signs" You grumbled, Kryten peering over your shoulder to look at the scanner.

"Suggest we split into two groups" Kryten suggested "We're more of a target together"

"Kryten lets go!" Rimmer turned to leave as you shot your arm out in front of him.

"Krytes take Cat and Lister ...goalpost head is with me" You replied straight faced as the others walked off.

"I don't think the name calling was necessary?" Rimmer grumbled as you walked on.

It didn't take long for Rimmer to get frustrated with the silent treatment as you continued to walk round quietly, consistently monitoring the scanner in your hand.

"I know you're angry that I lied about Kochanski's disc and that you're off limits but you could at least talk to me" Rimmer finally broke the tension.

"You still haven't told him have you?" You asked not taking your eyes away from the scanner.

"I will tell him, but I want you to stop ignoring me" Rimmer replied as you stopped him at the end of the corridor buzzed.

"Can we talk about this later?" You whispered.

"Why can't we talk about it now?" He asked.

"Shh" You shushed him as you brought your finger to your lips.

"Y/N?" With a swift swing of your arm your hand was plastered over Rimmer's mouth.

"Take this and keep that" You whispered as pointed to his mouth and handed him the scanner "quiet!"

Your hand over his mouth was the only touch he had received from you since he confessed about the holo disc and while it wasn't exactly what he wanted ...it was still something and if it weren't for you holding a loaded bazookoid he would've had you against the wall with his lips firmly against yours. Those thoughts were knocked straight out of his mind by the sound of you firing the bazookoid although he was shocked to see the life form you had been tracking frozen in its tracks instead dead in a heap on the floor.

"How did you...? The bazookoids can't..." Rimmer couldn't quite finish a full sentence.

"I'm an engineer and we're 3 million years into deep space ...I get bored alright" You grumbled as you went over to the frozen creature "Niiice"

"I only asked" Rimmer muttered "What is it?"

"Some sort of transforming mutant" You pondered over it, resisting the urge to poke and prod it. For all you knew it could be poisonous or toxic.

"Polymorph?" Rimmer asked.

"A polymorph transforms into to different objects to blend with its surroundings" You looked at the mutant curiously "This simply turns itself invisible"

"Well what does it do?" Rimmer was growing impatient.

"I think I know" You smiled "But I'll need to Kryten to confirm"

"Meanwhile we're going to stay here with this thing ...how long will it stay frozen for?" Rimmer was starting to panic at the thought of hanging around an unknown mutant.

"Hey Krytes we've found the life form, we're at the end of B deck" You spoke into your watch.

"On our way ma'am" Kryten's voice replied through the watch.

With the derelict not even being a quarter of the size of the dwarf it didn't take long for the other 3 to find you. Rimmer was sat on the floor, leaning against a wall with his legs stretched out sulking while you were completely fascinated by the creature you had frozen.

"Is that it?" Lister asked as he spotted that it was frozen "Have you been modifying things again?"

"So what if i have? shoot me" You smiled as Lister chuckled "What do you think Kryten?

Before Kryten could answer the frozen mutant broke free, transforming into a huge green skinny monster, spitting as it hissed at you all.

"It's a psy-mutant" Kryten could just about be heard over the screeching.

"What the hell is a psy-mutant?" Lister shouted.

"Much like a psy-moon, a psy-mutant feeds of a persons pysche and transforms into their strongest negative emotion" Kryten explained.

"So who's it feeding of?" Rimmer asked as everyone locked and loaded their bazookoids.

"You sir!" Kryten answered as everyone sighed and rolled their eyes ...of course it was.

"Arnie ...thats your jealousy!" You looked at Rimmer and you could've sworn that had he been alive and had a heart you would've seen it drop to the floor, he never meant for this, he knew his jealousy was a problem but he never meant for it to become everyone else's problem.

"What have you got to be jealous about?" Lister growled as Rimmer became paralysed by the fear and guilt of being confronted by his jealousy.

"Should we shoot?" Cat asked.

"The bazookoids won't touch it" You sighed "The only way to defeat this thing is if you let it out"

"Let it out?" Rimmer looked at you a little confused but mostly terrified.

"If you keep this all bottled up, that thing will keep munching on it and we wont stand a chance but if you just say whats on your mind, let everything out thats causing your jealousy it wont have anything to feed on and we can kill it" You explained "I know its difficult Arnie but its the only way"

"I c..can't" Rimmer stuttered, the both of you knew it wasn't just his jealousy it was feeding on, it was slurping up his guilt too.

"Rimmer you need to tell him now" You looked at him, your eyes glistening over as you knew that what was about to happen was going to torture him "You'll feel so much better Arnie I promise"

"I'm so sorry" Rimmer looked at you with so much guilt and sorrow in his eyes as tears fell down his cheek.

"Don't worry about me, its Lister you need to talk to" You had almost forgot about the others watching you "Tell him Arnie"

"Tell me what?" Lister grew concerned.

"I..I ...I flushed Kochanski's disc out of an airlock" Rimmer stuttered as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat, the jealousy monster letting out a loud screech as it took a hit.

"Ah ...this is awkward" Lister looked at the floor.

"What do you mean?" You asked as you anticipated his answer, he already knew and had already plotted his revenge unbeknown to anyone else.

"I already knew about that ...and in retaliation ...I might have flushed your revision time tables" Lister replied as a small smile formed on Rimmer's face.

"I suppose thats fair" Rimmer sighed.

"Ok I'm glad thats all sorted but that green gooey thing is still here" Cat reminded them.

"I said everything why is it still here?" Rimmer asked.

"Because thats not everything is it Arnie?" You spoke softly "Maybe it would be easier if you three gave us a moment"

"Are you sure?" Lister asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't worry I'll kick its arse if I need too" You smiled as he nodded and lead the others away "Arnie you can do this"

"I don't want to think about it" Rimmer scrunched his eyes closed.

"Arnie you can do this" You spoke softly and calmly.

"No I can't" He shook his head as he fought back the tears.

"Yes you can" You smiled as you turned him away from the creature, cupping his face in your hands "I know you can"

"Why are you with me?" Rimmer started to break down.

"Because I love you" You could feel the tears fighting to escape your own eyes.

"I'm out of my mind, I'm a jealous good for nothing waste of space" Rimmer sniffed as you let his forehead rest against yours "If I didn't have such a problem with getting the breaks, if I didn't get jealous every time someone else was happy, if I just shut myself away from the world maybe this wouldn't have happened, I'm not supposed to be happy, things aren't meant to go my way. I don't deserve anything"

"You know thats not true" You sobbed as you heart ached listening to Rimmer completely breakdown.

"Even my own parents didn't like me or my brothers" Rimmer kept his eyes shut tight.

"None of the way you're feeling right now is your fault Arnie" You kept your voice quiet so only he could hear you "It's not your fault you were treated so poorly, you do deserve to be happy ...more than anyone"

"Then why does everyone treat me so badly?" Rimmer sobbed, it felt strangely relieving for him to be so open and vulnerable and not be shot down further, his legs began to give way underneath him as he fell to the floor. Dropping down beside him and wrapping him up in your arms, gently rocking him back and forth as he cried. He hadn't even noticed the mutant had gone.

"Unfortunately some people are just awful" You spoke softly in his ear before placing a much awaited kiss next to the 'h' on his forehead "and those people don't deserve you in their lives"

"Please never leave me" Rimmer looked up at you, his eyes glossy and his cheeks puffy and red.

"That never even crossed my mind Arnie" You smiled as Rimmer's lips started to curl.

"I love you" Rimmer sniffed as his hand found its way to your cheek.

"I love you too Arnie" You smiled as you helped him up off the floor "Lets get you back to Starbug"

"The mutant's gone?" It was only now that Rimmer remembered why they were there.

"You defeated it!" You grinned as he chuckled "Come on lets get out of here"

Once back on Starbug with the others Rimmer opted to go to bed, he was exhausted physically and mentally.

"I'll wake you up when we're back on the dwarf alright" You smiled sweetly as you leant down to kiss him on the cheek before turning off the lights and going back to the rest of crew.

Thankfully you weren't that far away so it wasn't long before you were back home. You assumed Rimmer had gone to his bunk to go back to sleep as you curled up in yours to read, so when he suddenly appeared in your door way at 3am you were a little surprised.

"I thought you were sleeping" You smiled as he stood in the doorway with his hands behind his back.

"I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep" Rimmer spoke quietly.

"Lister not up? It's not his bedtime yet?" You asked "Are you coming in?"

"He's happily munching on a curry I brought up for him" Rimmer looked down at the floor "And I didn't want to over step boundaries"

"Are you ok?" You looked at him a little concerned " Come in I won't bite ...not this time"

"Its nothing, just feeling a little bad about what happened and I know he flushed my timetables but I wanted to do something to say sorry" Rimmer blushed as he walked into your quarters "I mean he is my friend after all"

"Are you sure you're ok?" You laughed as Rimmer chuckled "Don't worry I won't tell him you called him your friend"

"Thanks" Rimmer smiled, revealing the beautiful bouquet of flowers he was hiding behind his back "These are for you"

"Where on io did you get these from?" You grinned as he handed them to you "They're gorgeous!"

"Kryten has been working in the botanical gardens, he let me take some flowers to make you a bouquet ...I should show you some time you'll love it" Rimmer was babbling, pleased to see you smiling.

"Thank you Arnie!" You smiled at him as you filled an empty red plastic cup with water to put the flowers in.

"Thank you for putting up with me" Rimmer mumbled.

"What are you muttering about?" You laughed a little as you raised your eyebrow at him.

"After what I put you through over the last couple of weeks, you're still here" Rimmer had gone back to the nervous, innocent person when you first started dating.

"You don't give up on someone you love" You gently took his hand in yours.

"Even if they're as messed up as me?" Rimmer's eyes finally met yours.

"I love you no matter what, you know that" You smiled as you stared into the chocolate brown eyes staring back at you.

"I really don't deserve you" Rimmer eyes lit up as he smiled.

"Hey no more putting yourself down ok?" You gently squeezed his hand "Promise?"

"Promise!" Rimmer chuckled.

"Now are you going to kiss me or not?" You smirked as Rimmer took off his jacket and threw it to the side of the room, after a little over two weeks of not being able to touch, hold or kiss you he was definitely a little touch starved.

"I thought you'd never ask" Rimmer grinned as he held your face in his hands, feeling his body press against yours as he brought you into the most passionate kiss he had ever given you or anyone for that matter, his arms dropping to your waist, sitting perfectly at the bottom of your back as you let your hands rest on his chest, feeling each other smile between kisses "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"I already assumed you would" You laughed as you brought him into another kiss.

"I love you" Rimmer replied softly as he took your hand in his and walked you over to the bed as you both sat down.

"I love you too Arnold Judas Rimmer" You smiled sweetly, his face lighting up like a child on christmas as you said the words. Delicately tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear with his fingertips he leant in to kiss you again, his arm around your waist as you both slowly fell down onto your bunk.

#red dwarf #arnold rimmer #arnold judas rimmer #arnold j rimmer #Rimmer #red dwarf fanfic #Rimmer x reader #Arnold Rimmer x reader #hologram #fanfiction #fanfic #fluff #Arnold Rimmer fluff

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skywalkersthelimit · 4 years ago

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Okay so I'm super nervous to post this but I wrote this one-shot for the #trikey fandom. Ive had this idea for awhile but I finally got around to writing it. It's based off the song Lips of an angel by Hinder. I think its perfect for Michael and Trevor lol so please let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!

Honey, why are you calling me so late?

It’s kinda hard to talk right now

Honey, why are you crying, is everything okay?

I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Michael woke up to his phone ringing on his bedside table. He knew who it was before he even looked. He didn’t know how or why because it could have been a number of people. He reached over and grabbed the phone. His eyes squinted from the bright light. Trevor. He was both glad and disappointed he was right but he supposed he might have willed it to be. His thoughts had been filled with his crew mate, best friend and sometimes more, but that was before Amanda and the kids. Well that wasn’t entirely true. Every time they went on a job together, they fell into each other as soon as they were alone in their hotel room. Michael just couldn’t help himself.

It had been a few months since he had seen Trevor though. He tried to put distance between them. He knew that Trevor had a hard time just sleeping together on occasions and understanding Michael had a family to go home to. Michael wanted nothing more than for his friend to be happy but he just couldn’t be the one to give it to him.

He stared as the phone rang and debated answering but he pictured Trevor’s face the last time he had seen him with tears rolling down his face, begging Michael to stay. His heart clenched and he answered.

“Hello?” he whispered. He looked over at Amanda still sleeping. He had to be quiet. He didn't want to wake her and have her find out who he was talking to. He didn’t feel like fighting tonight.

“Hey." Trevor’s voice rang out on the other side of the phone.

“Jesus, Trev. Do you know what time it is?” He flinched as the words left his mouth. He didn’t mean to sound upset but he did.

Trevor laughed dryly.

“Oh I’m sorry, Princess. Am I interrupting your beauty sleep? I thought I might call my best friend who hasn’t talked to me in months” he said coldly.

“Trevor, if you want to talk you can call and you can call during the day.” Amanda moved next to him. He had to be quiet.

“Works both ways. If you wanted to talk you would have called. But you didn’t.” His voice cracked and ended in a broken sob. Michael hated himself a little more.

“T, why are you crying? Is everything okay?” he whispered. He wished he was there with Trevor right now. He would pull him into his arms and hold him until the tears stopped like he always did.

“Speak up M. I cant hear you"

“I have to be quiet or I’ll wake up-" he let his sentence go unfinished, trying to be careful not to set T off.

“Ah, of course. Wouldn’t want to wake the Mrs. I’ll let you go." He could hear the anger, the jealousy, the sadness, and the pain in Trevor’s voice.

“No!” he said rather loudly. He snapped over to look at Amanda, who just turned over on her side away from him. He sighed. “Don’t go. Just- Hang on.” He got out of bed quietly and snuck out the room. He grabbed his cigarettes off the counter and sat down on the couch, lighting one up and taking a deep inhale and exhale. He wasn't supposed to smoke in the house, but fuck it.

Well, my girl's in the next room

Sometimes I wish she was you

I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name

It sounds so sweet

Coming from the lips of an angel

Hearing those words - it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye

But, girl, you make it hard to be faithful

With the lips of an angel

“Now tell me what’s going on, Trev. I can't be too loud. Mandy and the kids are in the other room asleep" he explained.

“I-I don’t know. I just needed to hear your voice.” Trevor replied quietly, his voice soft and tight like he was trying to stop himself from crying. Michael wondered what had him so upset. He had heard he had a boyfriend of sorts from Lester and apparently they’ve been doing jobs together for L since Michael saw T last. When L told him, he saw red. He got wasted and wound up outside screaming and crying at the night sky. Trevor was his, but he wasn't and he never would be. He didn’t want to but he hoped Trevor was calling to tell him he left that guy and to ask when Michael was coming back to work, to him. There was also a chance Trevor was calling because he was drunk and cranked out. Either due to said guy or something else or even for the hell of it. He might be in trouble or lying somewhere drugged out.

“Is it that guy you’re with?” Michael realized how incredibly jealous he sounded but maybe he was. Maybe he missed being on the road, never staying in one place too long. Maybe he missed the thrill of the job, and maybe he missed looking over in the middle of a heist and grinning at Trevor who was grinning just as hard back. Maybe he missed pulling Trevor into a hard kiss as soon as their hotel door shut and having the most passionate nights of his life, and then falling asleep in his lover’s arms. Maybe he even missed the times they just sat on the bed and talked for hours about any and everything. Maybe sometimes he wished it was Trevor who was in the other room, waiting for him to come back to bed.

“How-how do you even know about that?” Trevor asked, sounding surprised.

“Lester.”

“Of fucking course. Well not that it’s any of your business but he's asleep. It ain’t like he’s my boyfriend or anything. You know I ain’t they settling type. There’s only one exception. Fuck. I miss you, Mikey.” He sobbed.

“Trev-"

“It's okay. I understand. It’s just so good to hear your voice, Mikey.” There goes that nickname again. A nickname only Trevor called him. A nickname that sounded so sweet coming from Trevor’s lips. Like an angel. A fallen angel maybe.

“It's really good to hear your voice too T. Mikey. That’s a name I haven't heard in awhile” he said fondly.

“What, too good to be called Mikey anymore?” T said annoyed.

“No, not at all. Although you are the only one who calls me that, but I like it.” He felt his cheeks flush and his heart flutter as he spoke.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Now tell me what’s going on please."

“When are you gonna do a job? It’s been months. We miss you out there. I miss you. I-I need you, Mikey. Please come back to me. I can't stop thinking about you. You haunt me every waking moment, and even in my dreams. Do you dream of me?” Hearing those words made Michael feel weak. He almost told Trevor he was on his way, grabbed his car keys and left without a second thought, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t leave his children. He might do a few jobs now and then but he wouldn’t choose that life over them. No matter how bad he craved it, craved him.

It's funny that you're calling me tonight

And, yes, I've dreamt of you too

And does he know you're talking to me?

Will it start a fight?

No, I don't think she has a clue

“Trevor, I-I want to be there. You know I do, but I got Tracey and Jimmy to think about, but I think about you too. All the time. Especially lately. It’s funny you called. And yeah, I’ve dreamt of you too T.” He didn’t know why he was being so open about this, about whatever it was between them, but hearing how broken Trevor sounded and how it matched how he felt inside, he knew they both needed to hear it. To hear that Michael cared about him, that he missed Trevor just as much as he missed him.

“Oh yeah? What’d you dream about, cowboy?” he asked and Michael could picture his thick eyebrows wagging. He laughed, genuinely laughed. Something he hadn’t done since the last time he saw Trevor.

“It wasn’t like that. Well not all like that.” Now it was Trevor’s turn to laugh.

“Tell me.” He told Michael.

“We were in a nice house, our house. We were happy.” He whispered, afraid of the way his dream made him feel. He didn’t want to dream of Trevor, of their future that would never be. He wished he could let Trevor go, but he didn’t think he ever fully would.

“It doesn’t have to be a dream, Mikey. The kids can be in your life, our life.” Trevor pleaded. Michael had to change the subject before he agreed.

“What about that guy you've been seeing? Does he know you’re talking to me? Won't he get mad?”

"I told you he's not my boyfriend. I don't care if he gets mad, but no, he doesn't know I'm talking to you. He doesn't know anything about you except you're the great Michael Townley, expert thief. He actually wants to meet you." Trevor laughed dryly at that. "What about Amanda? Does she know you're talking to me? Does she know anything?"

Does she know anything, meaning does she know when Michael goes away to work he all but forgets about her? Does she know that his nights with Trevor are filled with more passion than their whole marriage has ever seen? Does she know that Michael's heart will never fully belong to her?

"No, no I don't think she has a clue, Trev." He sighed. The guilt constantly ate at him and he tried so hard to be the husband she deserved, the father his children deserved, but he never would me. He belonged to the game, to Trevor, but it didn't matter. How he felt didn't matter, couldn't matter. He would push his feelings down to the bottom of his heart with a smile.

"Mikey. I miss you so much. So much it hurts. I can't get you out of head, out of my heart. I've tried drugs and alcohol. I've tried fucking anyone in sight and even getting a wannabe you, but nothing works. I've tried telling myself you're better off with her, but you're not. You're miserable and so am I. Please just do the best thing for you, for us." He begged through sobs. Michael could hardly make out what he was saying.

He felt tears rolling down his face. He felt Trevor's words stab his soul. He tried to drown Trev out too. He drank so much even he was worried. He smoked several packs of cigarettes a day. He went to strip clubs almost every night and almost every time he brought one of the girls to his car or a hotel for a quick fuck. He just wanted to feel numb, to never know the pain of loving someone you could never be with. What was that saying? It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. He wasn't sure if he agreed, but inevitably he did. He would feel this pain a thousand times just to know what it was like to love and be loved by this man. What it felt like to lay in his arms as he rubbed his back and kissed his head. He couldn't give that up. He wasn't ready for that.

"I'm gonna call Lester tomorrow and get a job set up. I'll let you know where to go. Everything will be okay. I'll see you in a few days. I promise. Okay?"

"Yeah okay, but what about-" Michael cut him off.

"We'll talk about everything then." He knew he was lying and Trevor probably did too. They both knew he would never be able to leave his family and that pretty little white lies would have to suffice them.

"Okay Mikey, I'll see you in a few days. And you better show up" he threatened, half jokingly.

"I'll be there, Trev. And Trev?"

"Yeah?"

"Next time call me during the day" he said chuckling.

"Yes princess. See ya soon Mikey." He said before hanging up.

Trevor just makes it too hard to be faithful and Michael was weak.

#trikey #michael de santa #trevor philips #gta v #Spotify

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managedmischiefs · 4 years ago

Text

north//chapter three

here’s the new chapter!! please enjoy and leave me your feedback! as always, let me know if you want to be on the taglist by sending me an ask :)

genre: fluff, angst if u squint

pairing: season nine spencer reid x female oc

warnings: none

word count: 11.3k

SPENCER

The elevator doors pop open on the sixth floor on a bright, sunny day, and the smile on my face is the biggest it’s ever been and I don’t think there’s any way I’ll be able to wipe it off. This morning, Amelia confessed that she had never seen Doctor Who before, and then she encouraged me to ramble on and on about my favorite parts and favorite characters and she asked questions and my smile never went away, even as we said our goodbyes and through the dirty train ride. But having seen Amelia will make my day better and the walk to my desk seems so much brighter and happier than normal.

"Good morning, Spencer," Alex smiles at me as she passes my desk, setting her bag down and sending me a wave.

"Morning," I return her smile, taking the last sip of the coffee from my cup, the one from my meeting with Amelia, giving it one more longing look before tossing the cup in the trash.

Alex watches me closely as she sheds her jacket and scarf, draping it over her chair. "Weather's rough, right? It's getting really cold,"

I spin in my chair and my eyes trace up to where the wall and the ceiling meet, staring out the windows there. "Yeah, it's pretty rough out there,"

"Christmas is soon though," a smile comes to her face as she sits and takes a breath. "Do you have any plans yet? Do you think you'll go to see your mom?"

I shrug my shoulders and push away the sharp pain in my chest at the mention of my mom and at the mention of such a joyous holiday that’s supposed to be filled with friends and family. But instead, I’ll do the same things I’ve done the last few years- sit by myself at home and reread a book from my shelf. "Not sure yet. Haven't really thought about it,"

Alex hums, not pleased with that answer, and spins her chair around to face her desk. "Okay, well, don't wait too long or else you won't have any plans, and nobody should be left alone on Christmas," I choose not to respond. I just turn my chair back to face my desk and get to work.

"Good morning, wonderful crime fighters!" Garcia exclaims, bounding into the bullpen as Morgan holds the door open for her. Her bubbly attitude brings JJ and Rossi over to my desk area and even though I was trying to avoid any conversation, I spin in my chair to join the circle that forms. "I've brought cookies to lighten the mood that this horrible, horrible cold weather is reigning down on you BAU-tiful people," she grins happily at her recycled pun as she pops the top off the tin in her hand. Everyone, except for me because group food is not and has never been my jam, reaches their hands in and grabs some cookies, mumbling a few thank yous to our dear friend.

"So what's up with everyone?" Morgan asks, glancing around at the team. "We're always together but we don't always get to talk about our lives. So, come on, I know someone's got something,"

There's a moment of silence between the team where everyone wants someone else to speak up first, especially me. I wish I could duck my head down and hide under my desk because I know they will all want to ask me about what’s going on in my life and I'm not ready to tell them yet, and I’m not the best liar. I want to keep Amelia a secret. I want to keep her for myself. But if I try to make myself smaller in any way, then a team of profilers will notice immediately and I'll get called out. It's a lose-lose for me. And maybe it's irrational to want to keep her my secret. Last time I did that, it didn't end well and I’ve never forgiven myself for that. But even still, I want to keep Amelia for myself.

"Well," JJ laughs when nobody speaks up, "Will and I took Henry to the zoo for the first time over the weekend and he absolutely loved it,"

That brings everyone into a conversation and I'm glad I can let my mind wander off to Amelia. She always looks beautiful, but she looked especially stunning today. She wore plaid jeans with a black sweater tucked in, a black knit scarf, and her normal black boots. Of course, she had a black peacoat on to shield her from the weather, and the strap of her camera was slung over her shoulder instead of around her neck. Her hair was up in this messy braided updo that I don't even want to spend time wondering how long it took her to execute. Her nail color changed for the millionth time, now to a pale blue. Her necklace was almost completely hidden behind her scarf but I noticed that she wears the same one every day, a small butterfly. But today, there was just something about her smile and her laugh that made me feel extra warm inside. It made me feel like I wanted to scoop her up and bring her back to my apartment and never let her leave.

"Reid? Hey, Reid!" There's suddenly a hand snapping in front of my face, bringing me out of yet another one of my daydreams.

Everyone has vacated the area and Alex is crouched in front of me, brows furrowed in confusion. I lift my head, blinking a few times to bring myself back to reality. "Sorry, what did you say?"

Alex tilts her head, resting her arms on her legs. "Are you okay? You haven't been yourself lately. You've been a little bit distracted," she sighs and I can tell that she's wondering if she should say something. She ultimately makes a decision in her head to not say it and instead just waits for me to answer. But her holding back her thoughts frustrates me. I thought we were close so why would she hold anything back from me? When has she ever held anything back from me?

"Say what you were gonna say," I insist, sitting up more in my chair. "You were gonna say something. Say it,"

Alex chews on her lips and lets out a long breath, glancing around to make sure that nobody is too close. "Well," she hesitates one more time, "I know that you're still hurting about Maeve and-"

"No," I cut her off before she can even finish her sentence, "it's not about that. It's-" I push my hair out of my face as my breath gets caught in my throat. I take a replenishing breath and shake my head, turning back to the paperwork on my desk, "I'm fine, okay? I promise. Thanks for, uh, looking out for me,"

"Maybe you should consider going to therapy," Alex is clearly not ready to let this conversation go.

"I'm fine," I say yet again, giving her a tight-lipped smile, not even glancing her way again.

I hear Blake sigh and then walk around, seeing her sit down at her desk. There's part of me that feels bad for being so secretive to my closest friends. But I want to keep Amelia for myself. The team likes to know everything and they like to bring up significant others all the time. I don't want Amelia brought up like that. I don't want Morgan teasing me about her, or Garcia insisting on a double date, or JJ wanting to know how we met. But besides, Amelia isn't even my girlfriend. Right now, she's just a girl that I get coffee with before work. I wish she was more, but she's not.

Garcia comes back into the bullpen, holding a hoard of IPads in her arms and one case file for me. "It's case time, my loves!"

There’s a collective sigh that falls over the group as everyone pushes themselves out of their seats and towards the round table room, ready to endure another day of sadness. There’s no good day to get cases but really, there couldn’t be a worse time to get a case. Amelia and I ran out of time this morning and her story about the time her and her best friend got lost in California on a spring break vacation got cut short, and she promised to finish it tomorrow. She also swore that I could tell her all about my time at CalTech and about my favorite classes, all while she lets me fiddle around with whichever camera she happens to bring that day, even though I could possibly break it. I mean, she couldn’t get any more amazing. Technology is not my strong suit, whether it’s a computer or a phone or even a camera, but she’s still going to let me tinker with it. I didn’t think that she could get any better.

After the catastrophe with Maeve, I never thought I'd ever have feelings for another person again. I thought that I'd die alone and loving Maeve. I thought she was my soulmate. I thought that the connection we had was one in a million and that I would never connect with someone on a romantic level again. Seeing her die right in front of me was like no other death I had ever witnessed and nobody, including and especially me, thought I would ever recover from that.

As much as I don't want to admit it and as adamantly as I will deny it, I've been through a lot. Childhood aside, my work at the FBI has been grueling. I've been taken hostage, I've mourned the death of my best friend who actually wound up to be alive and I’ve mourned the death of my unit chiefs wife, I've conquered drug addiction and two relapses alone, I’ve spent months mulling over the death of my girlfriend, and I've seen more death, destruction, and horror than anyone ever should.

It's unfair, really. All I wanted to do with my life and with my career was to help people and do something bigger than myself, but in turn, I've ruined myself. And after everything I've seen and how it has changed me, I’ve been expecting to work myself to death and die alone. I'm a loose cannon and it's obvious. I try to keep myself reined in, but I know that won't last for long. The years that I’ve spent at the FBI have imprinted on my brain and I thought that Maeve would be my refuge, but she was ripped away from me. Then and there, I knew that I would never love again.

But then Amelia waltz's into my life. She comes bouncing in with her black heels, vintage cameras, tea bags, nose piercing, beautiful smile, and melodious laugh. She makes me feel like a normal person. She doesn't treat me like an FBI agent, or like someone who has endured the traumas that I have, and maybe that's because I haven't told her about any of my trauma, but I intend to keep it that way for as long as I can. Amelia comes laughing into my life with her denim skirts that aren't appropriate for the cold weather, curly blonde hair wrapped in patterned scarves or tied back in scrunchies, love for red wine, entrancing blue eyes, and her affinity for strawberries.

It's impossible to not fall in love with her and I hate myself for that. She makes it incredibly easy, so maybe it's not my fault that I can't get her out of my head. Maybe it's not my fault that I look at the empty spot on my desk and wonder what it would be like to have a picture of her there. Maybe it's not my fault that I hold her pinky in mine for far too long when we say our goodbyes. I wish I could blame my feelings all on her. I wish I could blame Amelia for how fast I'm falling for her.

I fall in love with the energy she radiates. I fall in love with the way she speaks of her creative process while painting a new piece or drawing a new picture. I fall in love with the way she claims she has a foolproof formula for finding hidden treasures in any given thrift store. I fall in love with the way she always has a new story to tell yet listens to every word I have to say. She speaks with such passion and fire in her eyes that it draws me in. Amelia has even taken to setting an alarm on her phone to make sure I leave on time for work and every few days, she makes sure to show up before I do so that she can order both of our drinks so that it's not always me ordering for her and "wasting my money on her hot, flavored water."

Amelia and I keep up our morning coffee meetings for two months. We meet as much as we can, only taking the time off when I'm not away on a case. It's actually normalizing my sleep schedule too and I'm getting more sleep than I have in two years- or since Maeve died. When these meetings started, I used to not be able to sleep out of pure excitement of knowing I'd be able to see Amelia again. But then she started to text me the night before, sometimes to remind me to set an alarm so I'm not late or to remind me to bring a magic trick to show her (magic tricks are now common occurrences in the mornings) or to just tell me that she's looking forward to seeing me tomorrow. It’s always an odd sensation to get that third text because most people aren’t usually excited to see me.

The word date never surfaced in any of our conversations. I'm not sure if any of these meetings would be considered a date. Typically, dates happen at night, but these coffee meetings are happening bright and early in the morning. And maybe I'm too scared to even bring up the word date because then that will solidify what we're doing, if we even are doing anything. I'm too scared to admit that I'm falling way too hard and way too fast for Amelia.

But as terrified as I am of the way that I feel about Amelia, I wish so desperately that I wasn’t. I wish I could climb to the roof of my apartment building and scream at the top of my lungs that I’m falling in love and that I want everyone to know. I want to be able to see her outside of the confines of a tiny cafe just a block away from my apartment. I want to be able to see her out on the town, laughing and bouncing on her toes in the adorable way that she does. I want to do anything else in the world with her besides just sitting and drinking tea or coffee. I want to know even more about her. I want to know absolutely everything. I need to know everything.

ONE WEEK LATER

SPENCER

"So you got shot in the knee?"

"Yeah. The doctors told me that I might never walk without a cane again,"

"I'd like to see you with a cane," Amelia snorts, tucking her face behind her cup of tea as she succumbs to a fit of giggles. The sight makes me laugh too, trying to hide my joy behind my cup of coffee. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh. It's just-" she takes a long breath to calm herself, and, with a giant smile, she continues, "an FBI agent with a cane? I can't picture it,"

"Well, I wouldn't be allowed in the field. As much as I thrive in the police departments, I love being in the field. It gives you a rush, you know?"

"Mm, no. I don't know," Amelia laughs, "but I can imagine what you're talking about. An adrenaline rush. I've never caught a bad guy in action like you do. I mean, the closest I've ever come to that is catching one of my siblings stealing cookies late at night,"

A fond memory comes to mind, one involving a dinosaur-shaped cookie jar and a little hand. "I've caught my godson doing the same,"

"So, Spencer," Amelia's voice is lighter as she moves away from the previous topic of me taking a bullet in the field. She shimmies her shoulders just a little bit, then gestures to the Christmas drawings on the window. "Do you have any plans for Christmas next week?"

Oh, the dreaded question. Each of my team members had asked me that during our case last week and I had to lie every single time. I don't want them to feel bad for me when I tell them I don’t have any plans and I’ll be spending Christmas alone. Alex might try to invite me to dinner with her family, and JJ would probably do the same and swear that Henry had been asking about his godfather, but it's just out of pure pity. I don't need any more pity from my team.

"Um," I have to keep my voice from cracking as I drown out myself in a sip of coffee, "no,"

"No?" Amelia repeats, but her face doesn't change at all, not like she’s sad or she’s pitying me. "Me either. I told you, my family's in Texas and I'd only be able to go out there for two days. So as much as I'd love to go, it doesn't really make sense, you know?"

"Yeah, that makes sense. My mom is in Las Vegas so I know what you mean,”

Amelia looks down at her cup of tea, fiddling with the teabag. "You know, if you don't have anything to do on Christmas, maybe we could spend the day together?" She suggests, glancing up at me with a nervous smile. "I was planning on spending the day alone but if you also don't have anything to do, maybe we could do something together," she goes quiet for a moment and I wait, wondering if she's finished with her request. Or maybe it’s just that I’m speechless and I have absolutely nothing to say in response to that request. Yeah, that’s more likely. She, again, looks down at her cup and I can see her fingers shaking slightly as she toys with the teabag. "And besides, I love our little coffee dates but it'd be nice to see you outside of here,"

And there it is. It all comes out with just those few sentences. Not only does Amelia see these meetings as dates, but she wants to see me outside of the cafe. She wants to spend Christmas with me, a day that you usually spend with your family or your closest friends. She was so nervous to ask me about this that her hands are shaking. When has this ever happened? Usually I'm the anxious one. I'm the one here who does the nervous laughing and fumbles over my words and taps my feet and fiddles with my hair. She's usually the one who takes charge of the conversation and laughs louder and initiates our pinky hold when we have to say goodbye. Being anxious is my thing and if Amelia is taking that over, then that must mean that this request took a lot to say.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," she adds quickly before hiding, again, behind a sip of her tea.

I’ve let myself hold back with Amelia for far too long- for two whole months. I’ve gone two months without growing some balls and asking her out and I can’t handle it anymore. I need to see her with a different background behind her other than a tan leather booth. So I don’t give myself a moment to think or stress before I speak. "I'd love to,"

Amelia's eyes dart up to me and her smile starts to grow. "Really?" I nod wordlessly, too scared that I'll say something dumb and ruin it if I open my mouth. "I would've thought you'd say no," The alarm on Amelia's phone goes off, telling us that it's time for me to leave for work. She gives me a sad smile and silences it, chewing on her lip. "Time for you to go. You've got people to save, Dr. Reid,"

The two of us stand and wrap ourselves in our coats and scarves before heading out the door, into the bitter, cold wind. Amelia turns on her heel and holds out her pinky to me. I switch my coffee to my left hand and wrap my right pinky around her, watching her nose start to go pink from the weather surrounding us. Amelia smiles, and the timer in my head starts to run, counting up the seconds we stand in front of each other and just smile. We’re already standing here longer than yesterday but not as long as Tuesday two weeks ago. And the longer we stand here, the pinker Amelia’s nose gets, and the more my heart melts.

"Get warm soon," I tell her softly, worried that if I speak too loud, I’ll ruin the moment.

"You too," she smiles, wrapping her finger even tighter around mine as a way to tell me not to leave just yet. "I know you'll let me know if you have a case. But if you do," she lets out a breath, dropping her smile until her dimples disappear, "get home before Christmas."

///

I inhale deeply and brush my fingers through my hair, trying to make it seem somewhat presentable as I turn the corner to Amelia's apartment, double-checking that I'm at the right one. I smooth down my sweater and check that my converse are tied twice before knocking on the door. I can hear music from inside her apartment but I can't tell exactly what the song is yet, but based on what today is, I can only assume it’s a Christmas song.

I wait patiently for a moment behind a closed door, still second-guessing my slightly more casual outfit of converse, jeans, and a Christmas sweater. And after only a minute I'm convinced that Amelia has backed out and doesn't want me around for this sacred holiday, and I’m almost convince o turn around and leave. Maybe I could walk home and find a bookstore and get some takeout. I'm about to do just that and I’m mentally mapping out the best route home when the door swings open and Amelia stands there with her stunning smile.

"Hi, Spencer!" She exclaims, popping the door all the way open and letting me feel the heat that radiates from the inside. "Come in, please," Relief washes over me as I step inside her warm apartment, my eyes darting around the walls and decor of her home. "You can just put your stuff anywhere. It doesn't really matter to me. Make yourself at home. Be comfortable," I recognize the song now as It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas, playing from her beloved record player that I’ve heard a surprising amount about. She bought it when she first moved to Virginia and it was the first thing she bought for her apartment, before she even bought a bed or food or utensils.

I pull my messenger bag off and set it beside the door, ridding myself of my peacoat and my scarf, hanging them up on the coatrack. Amelia is still standing beside me but before I take the time to admire her like I usually do, I really stop to look at her apartment. It's exactly how I pictured it to be. It reflects her personality perfectly.

The walls are comprised of dark brick and there are different pieces of artwork scattered along the walls of her entire apartment, like stray photographs and polaroids put up with wash tape, or a canvas painting in a frame, and a floral tapestry behind the television. To my left is a huge shelf of books and records followed by a wall full of picture frames with pictures I can only assume are of her family and friends. To the right of the door is a cozy looking living room with a tv and the active record player, and a fireplace with a log already lit. Beside the living room is the kitchen, and across from the kitchen is a set of floating stairs that leads up to what I presume is Amelia's bedroom. In front of the stairs is a door out to a small balcony overlooking the city.

"Hey," Amelia reaches over and pokes my shoulder, laughing, "stop profiling my apartment. I cleaned up for you, there can't be too much for you to judge,"

"Profiling isn't actually judging, per se," I blurt out facts before I can stop myself. "Profiling is actually just noticing behavior,"

Amelia crosses her arms over her chest, etching on a smile. "Sometimes I wonder how your head isn't physically bigger with all that information you've got stored up in there. Really, it keeps me up at night sometimes," she says quickly, and then rolls her eyes at herself. She gestures towards the kitchen, "Well, I've got- oh, Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas,” I echo, following her into her kitchen, trailing just a step behind her.

As she walks in front of me, I get the chance to admire her. Today, she's decided to wear a black and white plaid tweed skirt with a red knit turtleneck tucked into it. Her legs are bare otherwise but she's wearing dark wool socks with a pattern on them, almost identical to the ones I’m wearing. Her hair is down in curls and flowing down to her waistline, but there's a green clip on the left side of her head that's holding back some of her hair. Her face is glowing, like usual, and her nose and ear piercings are in, like usual. It takes me a moment to realize how much smaller she is now that she's not wearing the heels she always has on. I'd peg her at around 5'2" and that's a major difference with me at about 6'1”. But even though I’ve observed countless outfits of hers, she's just as beautiful today as she is every other day.

"So I thought that, since it's only noon, we could make some Christmas cookies," she suggests, showing me her kitchen island full of cookies and bags and ingredients. "I have ingredients for quite a lot of cookies because I meant to make them myself but never got around to it. I have ingredients for gingerbread cookies and sugar cookies and oatmeal cookies and probably way more,"

"Sounds good to me. I like all of those,” The thought of making all those cookies with Amelia sounds much better than sitting and doing nothing. I don’t have time to make cookies like this on my own and I didn’t get to have any of Penelope’s, so making cookies with Amelia sounds like the perfect way to spend Christmas.

Amelia sits down at a barstool and gestures for me to sit beside her, and it’s a weird sensation, for a split second, to be sitting beside her instead of across from her. She reaches for a bag of flour and a bowl, but her hand stops midair when she looks over at me and a smile breaks out on her face. "I like your sweater,"

I glance down at my sweater, just shrugging at my own appearance as if I wasn’t freaking out about it ten minutes ago. "It's just a sweater," It’s one that I’ve had for as long as I can remember and one that could probably pass as ugly, but it has a pattern with snowflakes and stripes and reindeer. I almost didn’t wear it because I thought that maybe Amelia would think it was ugly.

"But Spencer, I always see you in your work clothes. You're always wearing sweater vests and button-ups. You're still wearing jeans and converse but the sweater is a change. I like it, that's all,"

She turns her back to me to grab something else and her compliment makes me chew on the inside of my cheek. I wipe my hands on my pants before I take a deep breath. You can do it, Spencer. You grew enough balls to accept her Christmas invitation. You can do this. "I like your outfit," Oh thank god I managed to say that without sounding like a total idiot.

When Amelia turns back around to set the sugar on the counter, she's blushing. "Thanks,"

I read over the recipes she has printed out and then set them aside, standing up again so I can attempt to start helping her. We decide to start with the Pillsbury sugar cookies since all we have to do is put those in the oven, so we start arranging them on a tray.

"I should warn you," I mumble to Amelia as we bump hips, "I'm not the best baker,"

"It's not too hard," Amelia says nonchalantly. "I'll give you some tips. A smart man like you can pick it up, don't worry, love,"

The simple pet name makes me blush but we're both so preoccupied with putting the frozen cookies on the tray that Amelia doesn't notice. The simple pet name makes my heart beat faster and almost burst out of my chest. Once the cookies are on the tray, she puts them in the oven and then turns to me.

"Okay, which cookies do you wanna make first?" She grabs the recipes and holds them up for me to see as if I hadn’t looked at them before.

"What do you think we should do?" She looks up at me with her big, beautiful eyes, and I almost get lost for a moment, but I pull myself back when she rustles the papers again. "I've never done this before and you seem to have a lot of experience so-"

"You've never made Christmas cookies before?" Amelia gasps, the papers falling onto the table as her jaw drops in disbelief, and I shake my head at her. "Okay, then we're gonna make gingerbread cookies first because they’re a classic. They're my favorite and they're the most fun to decorate so hopefully you’ll like them too. I can't believe you've never done this before!"

She whips around and starts to assemble a new set of ingredients, telling me now and then how much to measure out, even though I've memorized the entire recipe. But nonetheless, I let her take the lead and take the previous cookies out of the oven.

"Okay, come here," Amelia says when my back is turned to her. She has the gingerbread dough rolled out on the island and a few different sized molds laid out, flour caked on her hands. "Getting the dough onto the pan is an art itself," I let out a little laugh, but then she turns her head with a threatening look as if to say I’m serious, that isn't threatening at all. "I'm serious. First, you've gotta use the mold to cut. Then you've gotta wiggle the mold. Then you've gotta get the dough off the counter and that's the hardest part because if you didn't put down enough flour then you’re screwed. It's an art. You laugh, but it's true,"

"I believe you," I put my hands up in surrender, reaching for one of the molds. I stand beside her and it takes me a moment to process how close I actually am, and I only do when I feel her body heat on me. "So, like this?" I push the mold into the dough and then wiggle the plastic back and forth until it's completely separated from the mass of dough, just like she told me to. But then when I lift the mold, the snowflake-shaped piece of dough completely lifts and folds over, ruining the dough. I let out a defeated sigh, looking up at Amelia with a dramatic pout, silently begging for help. "It is an art,"

Amelia giggles, bopping my nose, and I can feel some flour residue getting left there, making me scrunch up my nose. "Yes, it is. I'm glad you've realized, let me help you,"

///

An hour passes and we've finished baking all the gingerbread men, we're baking chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, and we've eaten half of the sugar cookies. We're chatting aimlessly about anything and everything and I'm starting to really actually enjoy this. I’m happy to be seeing Amelia outside of the cafe and I’m happy to be so comfortable with her, and to see her literally and metaphorically let her hair down. I thought I would be riddled with anxiety and would have to make some excuse to go rushing out, but now I don’t think I ever want to go home. I would be content with never leave this artsy apartment and making cookies with Amelia for the rest of my life.

"I'm gonna try to make you but as a gingerbread man," Amelia says as she sits down with a piping bag full of icing and half of the gingerbread men. I've got the other bag of icing in my hand and the other half of the gingerbread men in front of me, waiting to be decorated with far less finesse than Amelia’s cookies.

"You're an artist. You've got an unfair advantage," I pout yet again, starting to make uneven lines and lopsided eyes on my cookies. I grimace at my creations and my pout only grows when I glance over and see that Amelia’s look perfect.

"It's not a competition," Amelia responds, not even looking up from her interpretation of me in gingerbread form. "And remember what I said, everyone sees art differently. There’s no right or wrong in art,” she lets out a small squeal and then throws her piping bag down, leaning closer to me to show me the cookie. “Look! It’s you!”

The gingerbread man has an attempt at curly hair along with a button-up shirt, a tie, slacks, and converse. Honestly, the cookie version of me is pretty cute, but maybe I’m biased because Amelia made it. Amelia is elated at my pleased reaction and goes on to decorating more cookies, so I prop up her creation and keep on going.

I settle into my barstool and keep my eyes down, swinging my feet back and forth. There's a question on the tip of my tongue that I'm too scared to ask. It's been there for weeks. But this question implies follow up questions about me and I don't want to risk that. But I’ve been pondering this question since I met Amelia and I think that I would be willing to risk the follow-up questions if it means I get some sort of answer.

"Amelia," I say quietly, earning a hum in response, "I have a question,"

"Yeah?" She's soft-spoken, clearly focused on her cookies.

"Why don't you talk about your family?"

I look up just in time to see her grip on the piping bag falter, and she has to readjust her hold. But before she can do that, her hand reaches for the butterfly necklace that's forever around her neck and she tugs on it gently. That tells me that the necklace has a connection to her family, I just don't know how. Nope. Stop it right there. She told me when I came in to stop profiling her, even though it was clearly a joke, I shouldn’t start doing it now.

"I, um," she lets out a breath and lets her eyes wander behind me, presumably at the wall of picture frames, "I just don't really like to talk about my family," that's all she says before she goes quiet. She readjusts her grip on the piping bag and goes back to work, deciding the conversation is over. Heat rises to my cheeks and my anxiety increases when I realize that my curiosity has gotten the better of me and I’ve ruined the good thing we have going on here with that simple question. So I just decide to shut my mouth and keep decorating my cookies. "You don't talk about your family either,"

It’s the question I was dreading, but it’s the one I was expecting. So I just shrug my shoulders as nonchalantly as possible. "You're not the only one who doesn't like to talk about their family,"

Amelia doesn't respond to that. It's one of the first times in our two months of knowing each other that I've seen her act shut off. The only time she ever acted out of character was asking if I would come over today, and she was only a little bit nervous for a few minutes. She's always so bubbly and open to any question or topic I have, so to have her sitting as close as ever but feel so far away is frustrating and the need to fill the grave I just dug myself.

"Amelia, I didn't mean to offend you with-"

"No, it's okay," she shakes her head, once again, her fingers adjusting around the piping bag. "It's a common thing that people talk about and I've never brought it up and you're a profiler so naturally, you would bring it up. It's fine, Spencer. I promise,"

"It doesn't seem fine. You're not even looking at me,"

"You're profiling me again," Amelia responds, her voice wavering.

I put my piping bag down and move closer to her, gently taking hers out of her hand and placing it down on the table. "Amelia, I-I didn't mean anything by it. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to,"

She looks up at me and I can see that her eyes are glassy, and it stings to know that I’m the one who made her feel like that. "I’m sorry. I didn't mean to be doing this on Christmas," She sniffles, reaching her fingertips up to wipe at her under-eyes. I have an overwhelming need to comfort her back to happiness, especially since I made her so unhappy. So even though my hands shake in the slightest, I hold my arms out towards her. Amelia notices right away, her eyebrows raising. "Seriously?" I nod. "You won't shake or hold my hand but you'll hug me?"

"You need a hug so I'm here to give you a hug,"

Amelia’s face lights up and she steps forward, wrapping her arms around my waist tightly. I circle my arms around her shoulders and tuck her head under my chin, smiling at the way she fits perfectly under me. This is comfortable and I feel warm and when she wiggles her body to get closer, it brings a smile to my face. I feel safe. I haven't felt like this is a long time. I might never want to let go, but I think Amelia might have the same idea.

"Does this mean I get to hug you more often now?" Amelia mumbles into the fabric of my sweater. "Don't get me wrong, I love our pinky promises but I also love hugs,"

My eyelids flutter closed and I nod against her head. "Yeah, we can hug more often," I flatten my hands on her back and pull her closer. "I really am sorry about asking about your family,"

"Well, I brought yours up afterward so it's fine,"

We're only pulled apart when the timer on the oven dings and lets us know that the oatmeal cookies are finished. I reluctantly pull myself off of her and grab the oven mitts, pulling the tray out while Amelia returns to frosting her gingerbread men.

"Hey, Spencer?" Amelia calls as I'm scooping cookies off the pan. "Do you have any information about gingerbread men in your big genius head?"

She asked, so I answered. I go off and tell her how gingerbread men date back to the 15th Century and how the first documented use of them was at the court of Elizabeth I. I go on for maybe ten minutes about the history of these edible men and maybe it's more than she was bargaining for, but she never interrupted and she listened to the whole thing. That's rare these days. Even my closest friends on my team cut me off constantly and sometimes tune out my facts.

"I didn't know any of that. School really doesn't teach students anything they wanna learn about," Amelia laughs, adding two more gingerbread men to the pile of cookies.

We finish creating our mountain of different types of cookies at around 4 so we decide that we should start making dinner, that way, we can relax the rest of the night and not have to be rushing around the kitchen. The sun starts to set and the snow starts to fall as we set out on a new adventure of cooking dinner. Amelia goes to turn up the heat and I notice her take a moment to pause in front of the balcony doors to stare out at the fresh blanket of snow. But the second she turns and comes back to the kitchen, I whip my head down to the lasagna recipe in my hands to memorize it. Yet again, I decide to let Amelia take charge of this recipe because I would rather not mess it up.

///

We pop our tray of lasagna in the oven and then set a timer for the proper amount of time. "Alright," Amelia says, clapping her hands together and bouncing on her toes, "that'll be done in about twenty-five minutes. So maybe we could watch a movie? We've been baking all day so it'd be a good idea to get off our feet,"

It’s a no brainer to agree to the suggestion and I follow Amelia into her living room like a lost puppy with his tail between his legs. She gestures for me to sit on the couch while she drops to the floor in front of the tv, sitting up on her knees to shut off the record player. Then she pulls out a wicker basket filled to the brim with movies. "What are we watching?"

"I've got plenty of Christmas movies because they're my favorite. I've got ones like," she holds up the case to each movie as she names it, "Polar Express, The Grinch, Home Alone, Elf, Love Actually, A Christmas Story and way, way more. Plus I've got the claymation ones like Year Without a Santa Claus, Rudolph, Jack Frost, Frosty the Snowman, and Santa Claus is Coming to Town," she looks up at me. "So which one do you fancy, love?"

There's that damn pet name again.

"Um," I let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of my neck, "I've actually never seen any of those before so I guess just put on your favorite,"

Amelia's eyes widen. "You've never seen any of these before?" I shake my head with a coy smile, my cheeks turning pink. "Wow, I guess it's my turn to educate you, Spencer. I might never get the opportunity to do this again so I'm going to take advantage while I can,"

Amelia jumps to her feet and pops one of the movies in the DVD player. She doesn't tell me what it is but she grabs the remote and comes to sit next to me on the couch. She's not too close to me but she's close enough to make my hands sweaty. I lean down to unlace my shoes and set them aside before getting myself a bit more comfortable on the couch, but not too comfortable. I’ve overheard far too many arguments between Morgan, JJ, Emily, and Garcia about how sitting too close to girls in moments like these can make a guy seem like, in Garcia’s words, a douchebag. And the last thing I want is for Amelia to think I’m a douchebag. So even though I feel I’m a mile away from her with just a couch cushion between us, I don’t move to close the distance.

"I put on The Polar Express because this is one of my favorite Christmas movies of all time," Amelia explains as the main menu comes up and shows the opening titles. "It's a good intro to Christmas movies, I guess, I don't really know,"

"Sure," I nod enthusiastically. "I like learning, I'm ready to watch. Go ahead, play,"

Amelia presses play and then reaches behind her for the blanket draped over the couch. She folds it over her lap and then glances over at me, holding up the corner of the blanket. "Do you-" she trails off, asking me if I want to share. I nod, scooting just a bit closer so we can both comfortably fit under the blanket. Our thighs are touching and it takes everything in me not to cuddle up even closer to her. She invited me over here so she must not think I’m a douchebag, right? This is okay, right?

The movie starts and it's quite different from the movies I'm used to watching. But I can tell it's a movie that has sentimental value to her so I pay close attention to it. It’s not filled with history or framed with subtitles or spewing information at me to instantly memorize. It’s just a lighthearted children’s movie that celebrates Christmas and teaches kids to not let others judge you and to believe in what you want to believe. I would have never watched a movie like this without Amelia and the longer I sit through the movie, the more I wish it wouldn’t end.

But eventually, I lean down to whisper in her ear. "None of the kids have names. Only Billy does,"

Amelia giggles, her head tilting closer to mine but keeping her eyes locked on the tv. "Yeah, you're right. I'm not sure why, they just don't,"

I hum, looking back up at the tv, not completely satisfied with the answer but willing to accept it. I try to focus back on the movie and figure out why these kids are sliding down tiny conveyor belts but I feel Amelia's eyes on me, locked on the side of my face. My attempts to ignore her gaze go in vain because I'm looking back down at her within another minute. She's looking up at me with her bottom lip between her teeth and her blue eyes widened, eyelashes fluttering. She looks horribly stunning and I fear I let my eyes linger on her lips for too long.

"What?" I whisper, wondering why she's staring at me when she should be watching the movie, a movie she claims is one of her favorites.

"Nothing," she says, but makes no attempt to break eye contact with me. "Nothing, I just-" she trails off yet again.

My hands had been placed at my sides but I can't help it when one of them moves to Amelia's cheek, barely even touching her soft skin at first, too afraid that she would flinch. A part of me is almost surprised when she doesn't pull away, but why do I keep getting surprised by her? She's remarkable. She asked me to spend Christmas with her so I wouldn't be alone. She cares about me in some capacity. She's showing me her favorite movies and baking cookies with me and she cares about me. I care about her and she cares about me. Why am I holding back?

"Can-" I clear my throat nervously, "can I kiss you?"

Amelia's eyes flutter for a moment before she nods, tilting her chin upwards. For a moment I think she's going to initiate the kiss, but then she doesn't. She just waits there, leaving me to feel her warm breath on my face and her cold skin under my fingertips. But she respected my boundaries when it came to handshakes and hugs, so even though I've already asked and she's already accepted, it makes sense that she would respect my inevitable boundaries with something as germy and personal and bacteria-filled as a kiss. So that means I have to finally take charge and I don't even have time to figure out if that terrifies me or excites me.

With my hand on her cheek and my heart about to beat out of my chest, I draw her forward and press my lips to hers in the softest and sweetest, most wonderful kiss. She tastes sweet, like strawberry lip balm and gingerbread, and I find my senses being filled with the taste of her. My brain had intended for a simple kiss, but after said simple kiss, I had to have more of her. Amelia doesn't resist as I deepen the kiss, bringing my hand to her neck to bring her closer. Her hands start at my chest but eventually travel up to my jawline, fingertips resting there softly, just barely coaxing me forward. Our lips move perfectly in sync and I could swear, as cheesy as it sounds, I feel burning on my skin from the fallout of the fireworks that erupt above us. I feel Amelia smile as she shuffles a bit closer to me on her knees, her body making even more contact with mine than before when we were just sitting.

My mind is screaming at me to pull away, to push her off of me and run home and curl up in bed, and to ignore Amelia forever. My head says to shield her from this horrible part of the world that I expose myself to and to protect her innocence. That's all I want to do. I want to protect her. As it often does, my head says no but my heart says yes. I can't deny what I'm feeling for Amelia. I can't deny that I haven't slept over my alarm for two months because I'm far too excited to see her every morning at the cafe. I can't help the way my heart speeds up when she walks in and waves at me, or the way I can't help but beam when she laughs, or how I don't want to leave when the alarm on her phone sounds. That's what leads me to wrap my free arm around her waist and bring her chest to mine, the fabric of her sweater clutched in my fist and my lips fervently sliding against hers.

The sharp cry of the oven alarm is the only thing that can get us to pull apart, far too quickly for either of our likings. Amelia pulls away with a sharp inhale, her eyes closed for just a moment longer than mine. "I'll-" she moves one of the hands from my jaw to wipe at her bottom lip, "um, I'll go get that,"

Amelia begrudgingly untangles herself from my arms and then from the blanket around her legs, feet silent on the floor as she hurries to pull the lasagna out of the oven. I'm left on the couch for a moment, completely stunned and actually quite pleased. I’ve never been kissed like that. I didn’t even know I could kiss like that. I didn’t even know I had it in me. But once the momentary shock wears off, the tension sets in and I know I need to follow Amelia. I reach up to pause the movie so we don’t miss anything before following Amelia into the kitchen, seeing her close the oven as she places the tray of lasagna on the stove. Her cheeks are flushed but I can't tell if that's from the kiss or the heat from the oven.

The apartment is tense now that it's silent and Amelia's back is turned to me. Despite the obvious verbal consent, I fear I've ruined everything. I asked to kiss her and even though she accepted, she's quiet. She's busying herself with dishing lasagna and I'm realizing that the only other time she acted this shut off was when I asked about her family. Does that mean I need to apologize again? Oh my gosh, I really don’t know how girls work. I’ve already upset her twice in one day and made her act in ways I’ve never seen before. Maybe I should have listened more when Morgan complained about his girl problems. You know what? Maybe I won’t apologize this time. I’ll try a different approach.

"That wasn't-" I mumble, lingering in the entryway to the kitchen, "weird, right? That didn't totally ruin things, right?"

Amelia's hands pause mid-air for a moment but then she continues dishing food. "No, it wasn't weird,"

Okay, Spencer. If you've ever needed to be bold, now's the time. She obviously likes you and you've accepted that you like her too and that you don't want to lose her, and right now, you're losing her to whatever her brain is telling her. Don't let that happen. Do something.

"So," I take a step closer to her and place my hand on her waist, spinning her around to face me, "so you wouldn't mind if I kissed you again?"

Amelia doesn't even respond, she just grabs my cheeks and kisses me again. I instinctively push her against the counter and hold her there, my hands clutching her waistline as her hands start to thread through my hair. This kiss is needier than the first one, almost as if it's solidifying to both of us that we're really doing this and that these feelings are actually mutual. That the first kiss didn’t scare either of us off and we’re not going anywhere.

I'm the first to pull away when I run out of breath, but I have not a single intention of moving away from her. I still feel Amelia's lips brushing mine and her warm breath fanning across my face, delicate fingers pushing my hair off my forehead. It's shaggy and falling over my forehead, but she arranges it perfectly so it's out of the way. She smiles nervously at me and then she shrinks, and I realize she had to go on her tiptoes to kiss me. "I, um," she laughs, letting her hands fall to my shoulders, "I've had a crush on you for a while. Like, since we first talked,"

I slide my hands down to her hips, feeling the rough tweed fabric under my fingertips. "Really?"

"Yeah," she smiles bashfully. "I thought you were really cute and I may have walked into you on purpose because I was too scared to approach you when you were reading,"

My eyes nearly pop out of their sockets at the realization that the camera fiddling was just a ruse. "What?" Amelia giggles, ducking her head into my shoulder to hide her blush from showing. "No! No hiding!"

"It's true!" She pulls her hands from my shoulders and covers her face. "You were reading and you were doing it so fast and I was confused at how you were actually retaining the information and you looked so cute with your hair up like that and I wanted to talk to you but I didn't know how to. When you got up, I just walked over and then grabbed my camera and-" I grab her wrists gently and pull her hands away from her face. Amelia's face is bright red in embarrassment but she smiles as I slide my hands into hers and lace our fingers together. "I thought you didn't hold hands,"

"You also thought I didn't hug or kiss until tonight," I remark, bringing our hands down to our sides. I lean in one more time and press our lips together, and this time the kiss doesn't need to be quick or passionate or wet. It's slow and sweet. It fills me with the familiar warmth that only Amelia has been able to provide me with.

"You're just full of surprises," Amelia giggles, twisting her head to kiss my cheek. "We should eat before it gets cold, right?"

"Yeah, probably," I don't want to let go of her but I reluctantly do, letting her continue her task of dishing lasagna for the two of us. We resume our positions on the couch, sitting even closer than before. Amelia rewinds the movie quite a bit, making sure I’ve seen every frame that we missed while we were engaged in other activities. She claims she doesn’t mind seeing it again, that she watched this movie last week anyway so rewinding it for me isn’t a big deal at all.

I do my best to pay attention throughout the rest of the movie like Amelia wants me to do, but it's proven to be a challenge. All I want to do is look down at the angel sitting beside me and kiss her and play with her hair and talk to her about any topic that might pop into my head. But she's fixated on the movie and I don't want to tear her away from something that she's so invested in. So I stay silent and sling my arm over the back of the couch in an attempt to get more comfortable. I do it unintentionally, but Amelia takes this as an invitation to cuddle up beside me. She brings her knees up to her chest and rests her head on my shoulder, effectively tucking herself into my side. I'm not complaining, because even though I wasn’t intending to do the ultimate douchebag move and basically silently invite her to cuddle with me, I’m not complaining. I grin for the rest of the movie.

///

"So did you like it?" Amelia asks eagerly, sitting up on her knees as the credits rolls, an expecting grin plastered on her face. "I know you're used to watching movies in different languages and-"

"It was pretty great, actually,"

"You're not just saying that because I told you it's one of my favorites?"

"Not at all. It bothered me that the children didn't have names, besides Billy, but other than that, it was a wonderful movie. I can see why you like it so much," I tell her. "And it's only seven. Are we gonna watch something else?"

"Well," Amelia chews on her lip, pulling away from my embrace slightly as she plays with the hem of her skirt, "the depends on you. If you wanna head home, I know you have work tomorrow and-"

"Actually," unintentionally, I cut her off yet again. But she looks up at me with bright eyes, hopeful that I'll want to stay, "I don't expect that you got me anything but I brought you a gift,"

I quickly leap up to avoid seeing her reaction, returning to my messenger bag in the doorway, reaching in for the perfectly wrapped gift. I spent hours on the floor of my bedroom wrapping the present, and then unwrapping it when the paper creased, then wrapping it again, then unwrapping it when the paper ripped, and then finally leaving the wrapping after what seemed like the millionth try. It was a process but it was worth it because it looks absolutely perfect.

When I return to the living room, Amelia is gone. I sit down with the gift in my lap, assuming she'll be back soon. And sure enough, she comes bounding down the floating stairs a second later. "I did actually get you a gift," she says, jumping back onto her spot on the couch. "Just something little," I pass my gift off to her and she does the same with me until we're holding each other's presents. It's odd actually, because I've given and received gifts with my team and with my mom, but never like this. Never with a girl I have a massive crush on. Never with someone who I care on another level for. Never with a girl who seems to put the sun in the sky.

I gesture for Amelia to go first, placing her gift in my lap, to be opened next. She gives me an excited smile and nods, obeying my quiet warning to hold it carefully as she searches for a spot to pull the paper back. "They're-" she pulls the paper clean off and beams, "45's,"

"Yeah," I nod anxiously as she reveals my present. "You told me you love records and this bookstore I love sells records too. I found these and I thought of-" I clear my throat, "well, they made me think of you,"

Amelia looks through the small stack of records in her hands, narrowing her eyes at me. "Most of them are classical, Spencer,"

"You need more classical music in your life, Amelia," I sass back at her, earning a small scoff in returning, bringing up a small quarrel we had a few weeks ago. "You can't spend your days listening to Christmas music, Frank Sinatra, and Taylor Swift,"

Amelia glances up at me with a small pout. "I could try,"

I laugh, pointing to the records in her hand. "Well, now you don't have to,"

"Thank you, love. This is wonderful, really. I'm gonna put one of these on right after you open your gift," she places them on her lap and then points at the present in my lap. "Go ahead. It's your turn."

I tear back the wrapping paper and first find a pack of coloring pencils, which seems like an odd gift, considering how many times I’ve established that I’m bad at art, but then I find a black leather journal behind it. Upon further inspection, I find that there are drawings on the front of the journal. My name is written in beautiful calligraphy on the top of the cover, and all around the front are small pictures. I find things like coffee cups, cameras, a deck of cards, an imperfect square with the pattern of one of Amelia's scarves, a record player, beakers, plenty of books, and much more.

"It's a sketchbook," Amelia explains softly. "You were saying how you wish you were better at art, so now you have the means to practice. And I was thinking about when you go on cases and you could bring it with you and I tried to put things on the front that would maybe, I don't know, comfort you." She pauses and I look up at her, waiting for her to continue with what she wants to say. Because just by the tight-lipped smile on her face, I know she wants to say something else. "Selfishly, I put references to me on there,"

I set my gift onto the coffee table and then move the records aside, pulling Amelia into my arms again. She happily accepts this embrace, arms circling my shoulders. "I love it," I tell her. "Thank you. I'll definitely bring it on cases with me. I can't ensure that anything I draw in it is good, but-"

"But you've got a pretty great teacher right here."

///

Amelia watches with an overly dramatic pout as I button up my jacket and put my scarf on, glancing out the window to check out bad the snow is. She crosses her arms over her chest as I put my messenger bag over my shoulder, making me laugh. "Don't make me feel even worse for leaving,"

"If I make you feel really bad, will you stay?" Amelia practically begs, even though she's already reaching for the doorknob. She knows I have work tomorrow and I have to be up early. She opens the door and then leans against the frame, still clearly not ready for me to depart.

"Hey, why don't you sleep in tomorrow? We don't need to meet up tomorrow morning. Get some extra sleep. It's almost midnight,"

Amelia's pout grows. "What? But what if you get a case? Then I won't see you for a few days, at least,"

"Then," I hadn't entirely thought this through because she totally has a point. WWDMD? I know exactly what Derek Morgan would do. Of all the times I’ve thought about Morgan today, I know exactly how he would respond in this situation. I reach out to grab her waist and pull her into a half hug, smiling, "then I'll make it up to you by taking you out on a proper date when I get back,"

Amelia's smile grows and she starts to nod. "That sounds like a plan," she goes up on her toes to kiss me but her lips only brush mine before pulling away again. "What if you don't get a case? Are you still gonna take me on a date?"

I put on a pensive face that makes her laugh. "I'll think about it," I press my lips to hers, unable to handle the short, torturous distance anymore. The kiss doesn’t last nearly as long as I want it to because we’re standing the hallway at midnight where anyone could catch us, letting the heat out, after a long day of making cookies and watching movies, and it’s absolutely freezing. So when we pull away, I have to will myself to not groan or grimace.

"Let me walk you out," Amelia hums, grabbing her keys before walking out with me. Our pinky's interlock as we walk down her apartment hallway, towards the door outside. "Will you text me when you get home? I just wanna make sure you get home safe," we stop in front of the door and she wraps her arms around my waist. "I know you're a fully capable FBI agent and all but it's late and I worry about that stuff,"

"Of course I will," I hug her tightly, pressing my lips to her cheek. "Thank you for inviting me over. I would've just been sitting alone and reading books all day without you,"

"Thanks for coming over," she echoes, pulling away from our ultra-warm hug and letting a chill run down her spine. "I would've watched movies alone all day. So thanks for being with me. I'll miss you tomorrow,"

"I will too, but I'll text you when I get home and I'll talk to you tomorrow to let you know if I get a case or not,"

"I'll be glued to my phone," Amelia winks at me, getting me to laugh one last time for the night. "Now go, before it gets even later."

“You go back to your apartment first. I know it’s right there but I, uh,” I glance behind her, down the dim hallway, “I worry about that stuff,”

Amelia smiles in the most smitten way I think I’ve ever seen, and for once, I think I’ve actually done something right. “Yeah, okay,” she nods, and she pushes herself up on her toes to kiss my cheek on more time. “Bye, Spencer. Merry Christmas,”

“Merry Christmas,” I echo, watching her scurry back to her apartment and unlock the door, stepping into the warmth. Her head pops out once more and she sends me a wave, blowing me a kiss before she disappears. The air I exhale reverberates off the wall and the smile on my face is undeniable, even as I dance on the cusp of frostbite during my walk home. A girl like that is mine? A girl like that who blows kisses and bakes cookies all day and cuddles during movies? She’s mine? Amelia is mine. She really is and as soon as that thought echoes in my head, a laugh escapes my lips. I must be the luckiest man alive.

hello there! if you’re still reading here then please tell me your favorite snack!! plz im v hungry thank u sm okay here’s the taglist

TAGLIST

@etheralgubler @babybobbybones @whollytaciturn @reidswords @thegingerfairchild @matthewreid @shrimpyblog @garcias-batcave @anamelessfacelessnerd @nastyhar @gublergirls @mandapanda8

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid fic #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #mgg #nikos north fic

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colour-outside-the-liness · 3 years ago

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Hey, I'm doing good too. Just normal amounts of stressful stuff right now. Just moved to a country I've never been to before but can't complain, things are not as hard as the last time I did this so. Thanks for asking! Yeah, I saw you posting about some pretty scary health issues before, I'm glad you came out of that alive and hope you're healthier now!

The nerve some people have! Haha I know I would be pissed if people were questioning my intelligence like that especially after a couple of drinks in haha. Though I do like taunting people when I play group games, I'll be like "don't need to try that hard guys, you're gonna lose anyway" just to mess with them or just call people sore losers if they accuse me of cheating haha (they're probably right on the accusations tho). People get real mad sometimes it's kinda funny. 😂

Omg literally laughed out loud reading this! Hahaha, how did you manage to fall over a road sign then end up in a ditch? lol omg hope you didn't get hurt too bad 😂 I was trying to downplay my drunken escapades but since you shared yours I should tell you my worst one:

I was at this summer street party at night and got drunk on something made out of tropical herbs and cachaça (which is about 48% alcohol), drank 3 and a half bottles of that like it was apple juice, made friends with a bunch of strangers in a bathroom queue (who tried to talk to me weeks later but I had no idea who they were), had to be held by my best friend while I peed (mostly missing the toilet), fell in the middle of the street and scraped my knee, threatened this boy who was helping me walk and told him not to try anything funny or I would beat him up, then dragged my friends to the beach and left them shortly after to go make out with my ex, came back with lipstick all over my mouth and chin and when my friends asked what I was doing I said I was just talking to my ex and they were like NO YOU WERE NOT, hahaha then I kissed all my girl friends on a dare and we danced under the full moon, then I told my best friend I had to puke so she took me to the ocean but I changed my mind and happened to step on a dead turtle on the way back and started crying bc of it, but last month my best friend told me it was a rock I had stepped on (I believed it was a dead turtle for 7 years!). Had the worst hangover of my life the next day. ✌️✨

Ah I'm happy you liked it! I've never listened to Six musical before but it sounds fun! I can see why you like it haha made me want to dance around my apartment 💃. And hey if liking musicals is your thing then it's great, I'm sure Hozier will understand if he's not your top artist of the year. 😋 Here's my "damie" Pinterest board if you or anyone else wants to check it out, totally recommend making one if you're a visual person like me!

https://pin.it/UcHVlkq

Oh I could talk about Dani and Jamie forever I think. I love the beast in the jungle speech too and it's so painful to watch, VP delivered that beautifully, but I have to admit I'm always a crying mess from episode 1 when older Jamie starts reciting that song about being sad while waiting for her lover to return, this show is fucking cruel I hate it and love it at the same time hahaha. Omg your mom 😂 but I mean it's truly an honor to be compared to someone like Dani, no? She's really great even if she needs a little help haha (don't we all).

Aaah you're amazing! Thank you so much, I'll read this pirate AU soon!

I used to draw a lot, really loved doing it when I was a kid as I said before, and all throughout adulthood too but I haven't done that in almost a year now bc I've got a bit of a case of burnout I guess, it just takes a lot of effort to do it when it shouldn't be like that at all. I used to do fanart too, for other fandoms. Even made one for Dani x Jamie but ended up not liking how it turned out haha. I've got a lot of respect for writers and fanfic writers also! Yall can make words make sense in really interesting and beautiful ways, build worlds so enthralling I can see them vividly in my head. Writing is such an incredibly fascinating skill to have! And I guess the most important thing is that we enjoy doing these things right? Even if we think we're not particularly good at it.

Anyway, have a lovely weekend! 👋✨

Good I'm glad you're doing great but sorry you're dealing with stressful stuff!! Hope living in a new country goes well for you I'm so jealous that you've lived in different countries I'd love to live somewhere else even if just for s few years!! Awwh thank you so much I definitely came out of it alive and am feeling so much better now thank you I mean I do some pretty ditzy things so when people say it to me it's pretty deserved sometimes, I'm secretly smart and people just don't expect it so I never mind too much haha I might have to start saying the things that you do and just taunting them over it I mean, I usually do win even when they make me answer different questions so I will definitely have to start saying things like that to them Haha I love that you're just like "yeah they're probably right in their accusations" I agree seeing how mad some people get over games and stuff is funny (it's me I'm people I hate loosing games depending on what it is and I am very competitive) So it was very dark and all we had for light was my roommates flashlight on her phone but while we were walking home a friend of ours that lived else where kept texting her to make sure we were still safe (my phone as dead at this point) so while she was texting him her flashlight was facing down and someone had moved this road sign to the footpath and it was on that sits on the floor so while I couldn't see it I walked into it and fell over it but while I feel I grabbed hold of it and flipped with it and fell in a ditch with it on top of me... I was fine and was just laid laughing while my friend looked down at me and in the most northern accent ever just said "get up you dickhead." and helped me off of the floor and then asked if I was okay... and I was so it was all good!! Haha 😂 I love this drunken story that sounds like one hell of a night and is a roller coaster from start to finish!! I'm sorry you thought you had stood on a dead turtle for 7 years though, someone really should've told you that it was just a rock!! But that sounds like my kind of night!! I love nights like that... stories that will last a life time... the only down side is the hangover... luckily I have only ever had one hang over in my life and it wasn't the morning after the road sign fiasco... I felt surprisingly good the morning after that haha 😂 It's such a good musical it's about Henry VIII wives and I just love everything to do with his wives and that musical is so much fun and actually gives a little insight to the lives the six Tudor queens had away from Henry and with him because at school we're mainly just taught about him which sucks!! I loved the Hozier song and am definitely gonna have to listen to more of his stuff!! I love musicals so much I mainly listen to musical soundtracks at the minute- usually, Legally Blonde and Six on repeat haha 😂 Ooo thank you I will definitely check out this Pinterest board thanks for sending it to me!! I could talk about them forever too... since watching Bly Manor my niece has been asking me so many questions about it and I am more than happy to talk to her about it haha!! The beast in the jungle speech just breaks my heart every time I relate to it so much and VP just delivers it so beautifully!! Oh yeah now I know at the beginning that it's older Jamie I am just a wreck the whole show is just so beautiful and heart breaking at the same time I LOVE IT!! Even though it makes me sob- I keep putting myself through it!! I mean, yeah I was happy that she said it Dani is great but it was the way she said it... my mum can be something else sometimes... she said she thought Dani was like me the first time she does the accent when she says "I've fallen quite in love with London" because I just randomly do accents a lot too but it was the way she was like "She needs help... but I like her she reminds me of you" I was just like... "Should I go get help?" I still don't know the answer to my question about if I need help or not but I mean I probably do need it You're welcome I really hope you like it!! It's a

great fic I love it!! Yeah I get that if stuff starts taking too much effort and burns you out you're not gonna wanna keep doing it so it's understandable that you stopped!! I think fan art is great and I really would love to be able to do it myself but I just don't have the skill it takes!! Awwh it's a shame you didn't like the Dani x Jamie one you did I would've loved to have seen it!! Honestly there are so many talented writers out there and when I read their fics I am just in awe of the worlds they have built and the stories they have created we are so blessed in this fandom to have so many amazing writers and so many amazing fics out there Oh yeah definitely its important to enjoy what you do!! I know I love writing and love writing fics for Dani and Jamie so I think I'll be doing it for a while even if I'm not great at it haha Awwh thank you very much I hope you have a great weekend too!! ☺️

#lib3rtin33

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i-write-sometimes-blog · 5 years ago

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Cold Eyes (Dark Rey x Reader) [Part 8]

Summary: Between the uncertainty of what happened to Endor and the confusing trance Rey left you, you struggle with your emotion, even deeper when suddenly she appears in your doorframe. Previous Part.

Words: 2,466

A/N: This one's a bit longer. I hope you enjoy it. And thanks for you all for reading and fire the sweet comments, it really means a lot to me. Flashbacks are in italics.

(gif's no mine. Credit to the owner.)

"You are all useless!" shouted Rey and the people in the room shivered in fear. " A bunch of Incompetents that couldn't just take down a few X-Wings!"

"It was an ambush, Supreme Leader" whined a man in a commander uniform. Rey eyed the man as he swallowed hard as he saw her walking closer to him, a grin on her face.

"An ambush" she said "Commander, you even know what kind of weapons you had in that ship?"

The man nervously looked at the ground.

"The target was easy, you had the right tools" her tone begun to grow with anger with every passing second "And you got beaten by handful of dirty rebels?!"

"They were waiting for us, Supreme Leader" said a woman as she stood up her chair "It was like they knew we were coming, they attacked before we could do something, destroyed the central cannon"

"Then someone told them” said Rey with her blood boiling from the rage. “What is the necessary range to know how the ship works?” Asked Rey and the woman answered almost immediately.

"No need. The blaster is under the ship, aside of the usual ones for protection on the upper part that is the only visible weapon. Would be easy to know if they saw the previous attack"

"Fine. Now I need to know how did they know about Endor.” Rey said walking back to the head of the table, analysing every face from the scared commander to the woman, Rey's gaze stopped on a red haired general that sat confident with a light smirk on his face.

"General Hux" raised her voice again "You're very quiet. Do you happen to know something about this?"

His smirk grew bigger and he prepared himself to speak to his boss.

"Truth to be told, I do, Supreme Leader" he said "I was looking at the database and I noticed a quite interesting message. A transmission that contains the name of the target and also the day of it" he spoke pride of his work knowing he would win not only the trust but the respect of the lady in charge.

"Where the transmission was sent from?"

"It was sent from a TIE fighter ship, exactly the one your apprentice stole in her pathetic escape attend." Rey tensed by the sound of his words, remembering events after that, how much had Y/N hurt her and now she had betrayed her one more time. "Without intentions to blame, Supreme Leader, your apprentice seems to be a spy for the Resistance”

So Y/N had done it, not only tried to run away but you sent a message to them, you were still with them even when they kicked you out and that fact made the suffer in Rey’s body grow stronger.

“I’ll take care of her” Rey said as calm as she could.

“I suggest you get rid of that scum before she compromise another mission. After all she’s nothing more than a disgusting rebel” Continued Hux without thinking his words, he was so confident of himself in those moments. The next thing Hux saw was a red light humming very close to his neck.

"Watch your mouth, General Hux" growled Rey holding her lightsaber dangerously close to his skin. Her face now full of a new threatening expression. No one had the right to insult you- "She's still my apprentice and I won't allow you to talk about her like that"

"But, Supreme Leader, she's a traitor and…"

"She's under my protection, General Hux" Rey said before turning off her saber "And perhaps she was more useful than any of you” she said as the ideas on her mind worked out. Smiling for herself she thought of a new and brilliant plan.

“I don’t understand, Supreme Leader” said Hux now carefully.

“Y/N sent a message and the Resistance showed up. Which means they trust her and that General Hux, is what we are going to use on our favor.”

*******

A few days passed since the last time you talked to Rey, or at least you thought so, it was difficult to know when was day or night, only the helmet of stormtroopers when they brought you some food let you knew the world outside the dark room kept going.

It had passed at least a week. You hadn’t much to do trapped inside those black walls allowing your brain to overthink every word you had told Rey, those words hunted you all nights as well as the feeling of her hand around your neck when she tried to killed you. And the kiss, that sweet and yet confusing that wouldn’t just let you sleep.

Shifting your body in the small bed you stared at the ceiling for longer than you could remember, overwhelmed by your thoughts. A part of you made you think on the Resistance, you hoped they were okay and for the good of them and Endor they had fight the First Order. You wondered who had been in that mission, if some of your friend got hurt… or if they were even alive.

Shaking your head you tried to focus yourself on the lights in the ceiling, how the white of them was a whole difference compared to the dark walls. Your mind started to drag you to the past once again as you remembered the soft smile Rey used to have, back in the days at Resistance.

It was sunny that day as Rey and you wandering over a small planet in search of repairs for the Falcon in a tiny market in the middle of the forest. By the corner of your eyes you caught Rey smiling fascinated with all the colors of the market and the trees above her head.

“Everything good?” you asked her with a chuckle.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying the work” you smiled and then nodded to a market stall that you knew had the needed pieces. “This way”

“Yeah” she told you focusing her eyes now on you “I never stop surprising myself”

She followed you close, still admiring the place. You loved how much her eyes shimmered when she found something new for her and you get it, she used to live in a planet with nothing but sand in it, the rest of the world was completely new for her. And as you were talking with the merchant she was amazed by a dry flower they sell in the next tent.

“You like it?” you said.

“There’s no flowers in Jakku, I bought some but eventually they dried out.” she said with authentic hope in her words. “Do you have everything?” she then said looking at the metallic pieces in your arms as she offered a hand with the stuff.

“Yup” you said leading the way back to the ship. Close to the your ship your gaze focused on some wild flowers growing between the trees and couldn’t help but smile thinking about the way Rey loved flowers, so you picked up some for her, that was already inside the big ship getting everything ready to fly.

She greeted you with a soft smile when you entered to the ship.

“Here” you said handing her the soft purple flowers that immediately made her smile grew bigger with excitement.

“Why?” she said taking the flower closer to her nose so she could smell the delicate fragrance of them.

“I just thought you may like them” you said winking.

“I love them” she said pulling you into a tight hug “Thank you, Y/N” her face amazed by the purple flowers was one of your favorites memories, just to see Rey as happy made your heart melt so much.

The nostalgic was taking over your body again, the Rey from your memories didn’t exist anymore. Running a hand through your face and hair you sat at the end of the bed trying without success to avoid overthinking.

The door suddenly opened, revealing the face of the girl you were thinking of moments ago, but it wasn’t her anymore, the girl standing at the door frame with the dark clothes and the cold glance was a total different person.

You looked at her, unsure of what to say, scared of even speak while Rey just watched you with a wicked grin on her lips.

“Come on” she said nodding outside “I want to show you something, Y/N” she said, her voice made a shiver run down your spine, this was not good you could already tell by the way she was looking at you, you didn’t even know if you would make it alive this time.

You obeyed without pronouncing a word, avoiding her eyes and her closeness as much as you could, feeling the tension between the both of you. She guided you through the endless corridors of the castle until you reached the main hangar where a ship was already waiting for you.

“General Hux” she said as you arrived. You met the man’s eyes, he seemed confident but you could tell he was a little scared by the way he stayed firm in his usual position with his hands crossed in his back. “We’re ready. Take off”

“Immediately, Supreme Leader” he said before leaving the room. You swallowed thickly as there was just Rey and you again, alone. Nervous of making a sudden move you kept looking at the ground but still, you could felt her eyes focused on you.

“This will be so fun, Y/N” you heard her say which only made goosebumps form all over your skin.

The ride was short, gladly, and you didn’t need to talk. But that was driving you slowly crazy, it was her silence, her devilish grin, how everything seemed to be oddly calculated. Just the whole thing made your stomach dropped.

And then the big First Order's ship stopped in front of a planet you haven't seen in a long time, a planet you left hoping to save someday. You homeworld.

"Rey, what are you doing?* You finally asked in panic.

"Just watch, Y/N" she said and then she pushed a button in the console in front of her. "At my signal" she said through a speaker making you feel so much fear to

think what was she going to do, this ship had a huge weapon, you had seen it in action. This ship was made to destroy planets and now she was going to destroy yours.

"Rey" you called out only eliciting a smile in Rey's face "Stop it!!"

"Three" she said, you ran next to her to look at her in the eyes.

"Stop it, please" you told her as you felt your voice started to crack. You didn't understand why she had chosen your planet, only to hurt you but why?

"Two"

That was your old home, the place where you grew up, where you learned to fix ships. And there was a lot of people you knew, good people dedicated mostly to the crop.

"Rey!" You yelled finally attracting her gaze to lay on you. "Please, I'm begging you, don't do this. I'll do whatever you want, just don't shot" you said feeling how the tears started to pool in your eyes. She stopped for a moment, scanning your face before she spoke.

"One"

A powerful red blaster came out of the ship hitting your planet for just some seconds before it all started to break apart and finally exploited.

You screamed in pain as burning tears blurred your vision, an indescribable ache spread from your chest and then your whole body, unable to think as the ashes your planet floated in the space.

“What the fuck have you done?!” you turned to see Rey, the tears never stop flowing down your cheeks.

“What needed to be done, Y/N” she said calmly. Was she serious? she had just destroyed another planet because it had to be done?

“Why?!!” you cried out, collecting all your forces to approached her. “WHY?!” you screamed very close to her. Fastly she grabbed your neck, almost too fast making your cough a bit, she dragged you closer to her face.

“This are the consequences of your actions, Y/N” she hissed “And I’m not talking about your pitiful escape. This is about your little message to the Resistance” she said and you felt how she tighten the grip on your neck as a wave of pain hitted your body with her words. So she had found out and by the anger of hers, they had received the transmission, therefore Endor was still existing. A whole planet saved but at what cost? Another one turned into nothing more than dust leaving an empty space in the galaxy.

Rey let go of you and you gasped for air but before you could do something she grabbed your back and pushed you closer to the big window and used her free hand to force you turn your head to see the ashes of the planet you grew up.

“Look at it!" she growled “You did this, Y/N. All the millions of lifes lie on your hands now, they die because of you!!” she said enraged.

She thrown you to the ground as if you were nothing, didn't even feel the pain as your body met the surface it was nothing compared with all the agony you were feeling inside you.

"Now you better think before trying to do something as stupid as that" you heard her said, slowly you looked over your shoulder to met her glance once again.

"I hate…" a gasp fell from your lips and stopped you from ending the sentence. Your blood frozen by the sight of her face darken by fury but the most alarming thing about her were her eyes. Yellow eyes that burned with genuine rage.

"Say it" she say "Say you hate me"

You kept staring at her eyes unable to form proper words.

"Don't be afraid, say it" she repeated as you cried silently. "I know the way you're feeling, the suffer you're going through. This anger your feeling, let it guide you, Y/N"

"Rey…" you finally managed to raise your shaking voice "This is not you"

"You're wrong, this is the real me" she gave you a wicked smile. To your memory came back her soft smile holding the flowers, just an instant but then you saw reality, her figure standing tall covered in a black version of her usual clothes, a long cape covering most of if and her dark expression that seemed to looked even more evil. The Rey you knew, that sweet girl from Jakku was gone, leaving a monster with yellow eyes behind. Any hope of getting her back was gone.

Tagging: @cpt-bolter , @elvencantation , @jay-birf03 , @x-a-gay-disaster-x , @sheogasms , @hstoria , @iamafangirl-fightme

(In case you want to be tagged for specific things, just let me know)

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savysavannah · 4 years ago

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Challenge 1

Special thanks to @damian-schreave and @hadleyjaneharper for the rps.

Also the last section is not in fic format because its 2am, im lazy, and you get the gyst from the RP. Apperantly this is too long so part 2 soon.

The Prince was off in Paloma for a bit so we were of little use in the Palace, no idea why they had us move in so early. Therefore, I’d spent most of the day with some books I’d grabbed from the library. Primarily they were legal books since it never hurts to brush up. But every once in a while, such as now I’d need to go and grab some food.

I brought my notepad and a book on contract law with me and walked into the kitchen. There was another girl also in the kitchen. We haven't spoken to each other, she didn’t seem unfriendly or particularly awful company, just hadn’t really had the moment to. I grabbed a plate of fruit and wondered if she would say anything. After a moment I sat down and resumed reading.

Then a small sad sigh came from the young woman who was looking down at her phone with a sad face. It wouldn’t be too bad if I took a break for some conversation. However, the young woman looked troubled, she may not be in the mood. I yawned and stretched then mumbled, but loud enough for her to hear, “God, I could use a drink.” and wondered if the other would take the bait.

There was a beat before the other spoke, “Long day?”

“More or less. Lots of reading, missing work. How about yourself?”

She shrugged “Its...different than what I’m used to. Lots of sitting still when I’m used to spending my days moving around.” SHe grimaces then sighed, “The adjustment period is always the toughest, though.”

I thought for a moment trying to remember the occupations of the selected, “The dancer?” I asked.

She grinned “Yeah. Hadley.” She raised an eyebrow, “And you?”

“Lawyer.” I said and stood from the table, walked over to Hadley and held her hand out, “Savannah Mars, Labrador, three.”

She shook my hand, “Nice to meet you.” then thought for a moment, “You said you were missing work? Do you work at a law firm?”

“Kinda. I work for the Illean Civil Liberties Union in their legal division. It's a non-profit which focuses on civil rights and for me civil legal cases. Lgbt+ rights defense, domestic defense, that sort of thing.”

“Oh, that’s really cool.” She said, seeming actually interested in my work. “Are you missing the casework, or something else?”

“It's pretty hard for me to step back from my work. Since I'm kind of left worrying about my clients. A new guy took over my cases but I'm trying to still work in my own way by studying up on some legal sections I work in less frequently but still may come up. Such as contract law.” I explained not fully hearing her other question.

She nodded, “I understand, sort of. I’m left worrying about how my ballet company is going to perform, with somebody else taking over the role in the Nutcracker that I’ve had the past few years.”

“Yeah the transition really is nerve wracking. Have you seen them perform though?” I asked hoping that could at least provide some solace.

“I’ve seen pictures on Instagram, but no videos yet. We were just finishing up our performance of Cinderella when I left. Nutcracker rehearsal started a few days after, but it’s a show we do each year, so... “ She sighed “ It /should/ be fine.”

I nodded, “well if they assigned them the role try and have faith in their qualifications. That's what I'm keeping in mind for mine. They did go to law school so it's fine. They got the role so it’s fine.” I said partially for her and partially for me.

She sighed a little hesitant, “Yeah, you’re probably right. Competition is just gonna be a bitch and a half when I’m sent back.” She chuckled wryly.

“Well maybe you'll win and then you won't have too. Who’s gonna take a role away from the future queen of Illea.”

“That’s extremely unlikely to happen.” She then almost smirked “What about you? If you win, nobody’s going to tell you no in a courtroom.”

I laughed, “If I win I'll kill myself.” Then I realized how dark that sounded, though it didn’t seem to phase her.

“I hate to say that I feel the same way, but…” She shrugged and nodded, “I feel the same way” For a moment I was confused, why would she join if she felt the same way? Then it clicked, a dancer would be a five, lower class, need the money.

“You're a five right? Did you apply for the money? If you don't mind my asking that is. It would just make sense why you'd dislike to win.”

“It…” She bit her lip, “Kind of? It’s a long story involving a deadbeat mom, a shitty health care system, two starving artists, and a kid with leukemia.” She said with an apologetic smile. Whatever she’d be apologizing for I can’t say.

“Well shit man, I'm glad you got in then. Both for the money and for a break from that. I know this society fucking sucks and we've got a likely shit for brains hier, but if you ever need a lawyer I'm here to help. Hopefully, being a three now will provide some help for you too.” I said then caught myself making a mental note to not be so vulgar with my language.

She gave me a small smile, “Thanks. Now I just have to figure out what I’m doing with the rest of my life, after throwing my career into dance, only to become a Three.” She laughed, “What about you? Why did you enter? It sounds like you had a pretty cushy gig going on.”

It wouldn’t be smart to tell the truth, but lying when Hadley had been so open felt wrong, I sighed and said, “My brother. Basically he forged my entry and I didn't want him to get into legal troubles for that. He's a fucking idiot.” I sighed and let that last cuss word slide as he is a fucking idiot.

She snorted, “Men really do only have two brain cells.” She gave a small smile, “I’m sorry that you ended up in that situation, though. That’s rough.”

“Yeah. I tried to beat him up but my other brothers stopped me. It was really a mess. Had to find out from a waitress asking for a photo with me.”

She shook her head, “My best friend told me that he was so upset to see me, “throwing my life away,” as if I hadn’t entered to help him and his brother.” Sounds like an ungrateful ass. She sighed and looked down at her fruit, “When did life get this messed up?”

A question with too big of an answer. A bit panicked and not knowing what to say I took a strawberry off my plate and held it out to her, “Fruit?”

She chuckled and took the strawberry, “Thanks.” She takes a bit, chews, and then pauses, looking at Savannah, “You know what I could really go for right now, though? A good gin and tonic.”

“God that'd be great. You know what, let's make some. One glass can't hurt.”

She shrugged, “Sure, sounds fun. I’m down.” She looks around, “I know they keep the wine in that cabinet, but I haven’t found the liquor yet.”

After gathering our ingredients we get to work making the glasses, “so, what's your plan in all this?”

“In the selection?” She raises an eyebrow and then shrugs, she starts pouring things into the mixer bottle, “Stay here for as long as I can so I keep making stimulus checks, and then get sent home before I’m stuck spending the rest of my life here.” She finishes pouring and looks at Savannah, “You?”

I sighed, “about the same. Give the money to the non-profit I work for. I was hoping I could root for you to win, you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders to influence him, but the more I think about it the more I realize that's like damning to hell.

She snorts, “Well, I still appreciate the compliment, and I would’ve said the same about you.” Then she sighs, “I’ve always known that it’s been like this, though. He gets to squander every penny he has on luxury shit, whereas my paychecks…” another sigh, “But life isn’t fair.”

“Yeah. And then waste the money on useless shit and trying to pass dumb laws like making 'cats' illegal instead of actually fixing the problems in this country.” I said and poured myself a glass of the drink.

She poured some for herself and then shook her head with an eye roll, “Don’t even get me started on that debacle. Why even joke about things like that?”

“Because he doesn't comprehend how the people of his own country are suffering. He's just so blind with privilege. Not that I have much to speak on but at least I freaking try to think about others in the country and their situations.”

She gave me a small smile, “You didn’t seem like the type to blow your money on worthless things to me, at all. I don’t even know what I’m going to say to him when we have that interview in a few days.”

“Yeah I think im just gonna be polite for the sake of not causing a scene that'll haunt me my whole life” I said and took a sip, then clarified, “polite though, not kind.”

She nodded then drank too, “I really went from putting on one type of show for Twos to another.”

“Any idea what you're gonna do as a three?” I asked.

She pursed her lips and shook her head, “I haven’t taken a science or maths class since I was eleven, and I don’t have the money for university. I guess I could work as a translator, or if that doesn’t work out, marry a five and go back to dancing.” She took another sip of her drink, “Hopefully I’ll be here long enough to figure it out.”

“Do they not have like threes who are dance teachers? I haven't really looked much into the area myself but it may make sense.”

She shook her head, “For me, at least, it was mostly Russian immigrants who were former dancers themselves, so Fives.”

I thought for a moment, “Well if you ever need history lessons, english, or legal aid I'm around. I dug into my pocket and pulled out a business card, since it’s not like either of us plan to be here long, “Just all the way up in Labrador. Where are you from again?”

“Allens. So, not too far. Thanks.” She replied and looked at the card.

“Welcome.” I replied, finished off my drink then wrote down another idea.

Hadley narrowed her eyes curiously, “What are you writing?”

“Just an idea for a proposition with the ICLU. There are probably other girls in a similar situation as you being lower caste now upper be it through marriage or selection, it may be helpful to talk about implementing a caste readjustment program.”

She lifted her head, smiling just a little, “That sounds like a great idea.” Then a little quieter she added, “I'd appreciate it.”

“Hopefully my boss will agree and pass it onto the innovation department. I'll write a quick memo about it to her later.” I smiled happy to have something to do.

“You really love your job, don't you?” She asked.

I nodded, “It makes me feel like I have some kinda purpose. As cheesy as that is to say.” Making actual change in Illea instead of just prancing around doing whatever else I could have grown up to do.

“No, I get that.” She looked down, “As a kid, I never really felt like I belonged, but on the stage, dancing?” She looked a little distant, “Standing out was a good thing.”

I nodded, “Mhm. Have you thought of ways you could continue working while at the palace?”

She smiled, “Actually, I had a conversation with Prince Eaton about that, and I’ve been able to work out a schedule that allows me to still practice, even though I have to do a little more work to catch up on lessons.”

“That'll be good. If you wanted too you could put on a performance and donate the profits. That way you could be working towards a goal too instead of general practice.”

She tilted her head, “That's an interesting idea. I’ll keep that in mind.”

I nodded, “Well it was nice meeting you, Lady Hadley. But it is probably time for me to get back to work.” Then held out my hand to shake goodbye.

She took it, giving it a shake. “Nice to meet you too.”

It was pretty late in the afternoon by the time I was escorted to the interview room. Damian was in a navy blue suit jacket, dress pants, and a white button up shirt. He smiled at me as I got closer. His eyes flicker to my nametag for a second before he speaks, “Hello, Lady Savannah. It’s a pleasure to meet you in person.”

I smiled trying to stay polite, then gave a small curtsy, “The same to you, your highness.”

He smiled back, taking a few steps back and gestured for me to go into the interview room. In the room is a sofa, surrounded by stage lights and a few cameras, what a romantic first meeting. There is one camera on a swivel stand, that is currently focused on Damian and I. He starts walking into the room, looking at me as he talks, "How have you found your first few days here, so far?"

I debated giving him a short one word answer of 'fine' but Danny's words of 'don't ruin your own happiness" slipped into my head. "They've been fine. I've enjoyed your library. It's helped me feel like I can in some ways continue working by catching up on legal matters normally outside of my areas of expertise."

He nodded while smiling then took a seat on the sofa, "So you're a lawyer, then? What kind of law do you practice?"

Reluctantly I sat next to him, hopefully I wouldn't catch an STD from proximity alone, "Yes, I practice primarily civil and criminal law with the Illean Civil Librities Union. So primarily defending people who are in bad situations due to outdated laws which need amending." My tone came out more passive aggressive than intended, but it was slightly justified as he should have been working to amend said laws and help people instead of partying.

"That's a great thing, to be doing. What got you into law?"

"Well I was at the University of Labrador. My best friend I'm the sorority I was in decided to go to a protest over women's rights in illea. We went, someone man came and antagonized some women, she defended herself verbally, got arrested, felt up by the officer, then was unable to do anything legally about it. I felt that was unfair so I decided to look into being a lawyer, liked the process, graduated in 2 years, went to Yale and here I am."

He lets out a low whistle, looking down for a second. I couldn't help but be a but prideful at my accomplishment, then looks back up at me, more serious than before, his jaw tense, "I'm really sorry that happened to your friend." He said and fell silent. What a conversation killer.

"It's fine." I said trying not to dwell on it, "How was your time in undergrad? Partied a lot, I saw." I said the passive agressiveness coming out again.

He smiled, a little more relaxed than before, but not as relaxed as he was when he first entered the room, "I enjoyed my last few years of freedom before entering the real world, yes." He then raised his eyebrows, grinning a little wider, kind of teasing, "And what about you? Being in a sorority and all, I doubt you were much of a homebody yourself."

I couldn't help but completely flush and bit down my urge to absolutely smack him upside the head. "It was a brief phase. It was fun. But also a waste of time." I chuckled a bit remembering my airheaded behavior in that year, "had I already been working harder I may have been able to finish faster and help more people."

He grinned a little at how flustered I was, which just made me want to punch him more, then smiled a little more genuinely towards the end, "We're still young. We have our whole lives to keep fixing things."

i frowned, "That isn't true. We never know when we're going to die. Something could always happen so we should be trying to help as much as we can. Not to mention while we" I paused after my slip of the tongue, but didn't correct it "partied in undergrad people were suffering who could have been helped."

There's a flicker of a frown on his face when I mentioned how short life is, but he lets it go, tilting his head when he looks at me, "We can't save everyone. That's impossible. We can try to do as much as we can, but there will always be more people in need of help.

"Partying isn't trying."

He raised his eyebrows, "You didn't even know you wanted to be a lawyer, back when you were partying in college."

I got kinda flustered again, he's right, there's no logically sound way to win. Yeah but I should have, I wish I had. Would have made the time a lot less regrettable." I said then cleared my throat, "Though, this is a bit of a heavy topic for our first meeting, don't you agree? Your- Damian." I barely corrected myself from saying Your Highness.

He chuckled, "A bit, but it's different from the surface level talk about work and provinces." He inclined his head, "Though, if you think about it, you never would have discovered your passion for law if you hadn't joined your sorority." He shrugged and gave a stupid grin which made me blush even more.

Finally I snapped and turned to point a finger at him, "You won okay. I can't regret something if I didn't know to do something better, but that doesn't make topless jello shots any less of an embarrassing memory." I exclaimed then heard what I said and wished to curl into a ball and die.

He chuckled a little, "We all have our moments. It's okay."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door then, and a guard pokes his head in. Damian nods at him, then turns and looks at me, "Unfortunately, we'll have to exchange stories another time. It appears our time today is up."

I sighed in relief at my rescue, then mumbled under my breath, "Thank God." I stood to curtsy, "Your-" I cringed a bit at the error, "Damian."

He chuckled again, "It was a pleasure to meet you Savannah. Until next time." He smiled at me when we got to the door, and stopped in the doorway.

I smiled back politely, "Thank you for the conversation. Till next time."

*savy was taking a break from her work and decided to out for a walk in the gardens. She had always been a fan of taking runs when stressed snd the gardens were providing a peaceful alternative. She was walking around when she thought she saw a bunny in the bushes. Being the gal she is she wanted to see it closer so she stepped off the path and walked into the gravel. Immediately her heel sank in the gravel. She lost her balance for a moment but didnt fall. Instead she panicked. She debated stepping out of her shoes to get it out but she didnt wanna hurt her skin on the gravel. Instead she tried to wiggle it loose and hopped no one was near*

*rip savannah, but Damian is out distressing by playing basketball at that point in time, and from where he's standing as he shoots this basket, he can see someone clearly struggling with something in the gardens. he can't see who it is, or what the problem is, but he figures he should go check it out. he tucks the basketball under one arm, jogging towards the person he can see, calling out* Hey, everything okay?

*savannah hears him call out an knows immediately it's the last person in the world she'd want to find her like this* Absolutely peachy! *calls back and debates ditching the shoes*

*he slows to a stop when he gets closer, his eyes going from savannah's face to her foot* Mmm, looks like you've got yourself in a bit of a sticky situation, there.

*is extremely flustered* no situation at all. I said I'm fine. *aggressively wiggles the heel and almost trips so she squeaks but manages to catch herself*

*when he sees her almost trip, he lunges forwards to catch her before she hits the ground, but then she catches herself, so he's like "oh was that for nothing?" he looks down at the shoe, furrowing his brows, thinking* Here, let me help with that, before you actually fall.

I'm not going to fall and I don't need your help. I'm perfectly capable of defeating some gravel on my own

*he takes a step back* Alright... if you insist... *hes not going anywhere, just watching her, waiting to see what she'll do*

*huffs when she doesnt hear him walk away and continues to wiggle then huffs when shes not getting anywhere* Fine. If you're just going to stand there anyways you may as well help.

*he chuckles, setting the basketball down on the ground, kneeling down to look at the gravel and the heel, before beginning to dig the heel out with his fingers* Not the best shoes to walk off the path in.

*rolls her eyes* I didn't think about that. I thought I saw a bunny and got distracted

*he can't help but raise his eyebrows at that, grinning, twisting the heel a little to unscrew it from the gravel* Was it at least a cute bunny?

*his tone is a little teasing*

It was cute, be careful with your tone though when your face is near my foot. *once its free she steps back on the path so she doesn't sink again*

*he chuckles, joking* What, are you planning on giving me a royal nose job with your shoe?

You could probably use one. *offers a hand to help him stand back up*

*he picks up his basketball, taking her hand, still grinning at her, teasing* Maybe it's just the angle you've been looking at it from.

*stands on her tiptoes looking at his nose* Nope. It's a little off. Nose job it is.

*she pinches his nose* its a big flaw. Doubt you'll be able to get a wife like that

*he chuckles* I don’t know, my nose has never gotten in my way before

*considers* You're right, I'm sure that was just your sense of responsibility that got in the way.

*he raises his eyebrows* You know, I’ve never turned in an assignment late, or anything for work late. Never asked for an extension.

I somehow find that doubtful. Your reputation of being a loose partier precedds that of a responsible duitiful person.

Well, it’s the truth. *he shrugs* If you’re really curious, you could email my professors. It’s all about finding a balance. *he smiles*

*grumbles because he seems to be honest about it* What did you even study?

I dual majored in political science and marketing. You?

*sighs in relief* at least you werent a buisness major. Political Science and History for me on a prelaw track.

*he nods, smiling, genuinely curious* Did you prefer one over the other?

Probably political science. I mean I love history it's why I added it. For fun since it's just like learning stories and seeing the modern day impact of said stories. But political science felt more efficient. Like it helped me have a better understanding of the philosophy of political thinking which has helped me a lot in law. Plus I just liked the professors more.

*he smiles* Understandable. Good professors make it so much easier to learn the content

*smiles* yeah and lots and lots of highlighters. Did you have a favorite topic in political science?

*grinning* I took a really cool course on comparative political economies - I really like the economic side of things. That, and the classes I had to take on international politics. *he looks over at savannah* What about you?

Probably civil politics. I've always been a fan of civil work. I honestly thought about working for the AFEI instead of the ICLU but decided I wanted to do more personal legal work than policy legal work. But it's always been the work that has interested me more since it's important to bring up civil conflicts within the country and try to help as much as possible. But learning about where we came from in terms of The United States vs the civil policies of Illea was an interesting course for me, especially because of the overlap of History and Political Science.

*he nods as she talks, thinking that all over* I think work guided what classes I liked as well. Because beyond national politics, I also have to think about international politics, trade agreements, and maintaining Illéa’s position in the world.

*seems slightly surprised* so you actually liked your major? I assumed you just were kinda forced to pick it

I was kind of forced to, but I could still pick the classes that interested me more. *He shrugs* Plus I really enjoyed my marketing major.

*thinks for a moment* Can I ask you something and have an honest answer? No bullshit PR answer. I'm just trying to figure out if we can trust you to be our future king through this, at the very least.

Sure *he nods, pursing his lips a little* Ask away.

Do you actually want to be the king of this country? Like aside from the perks you have from it, do you care about the work?

I do care. *he pauses, swallowing* I really do. It’s just...it’s a lot of pressure to accept from a young age.

*she thinks for a moment* Noted. Thank you for your honesty. *Looks at the basketball* Do you play much?

*he smiles kind of sadly* Not as much as I used to. I’ve gotten a little busy helping to run the country, and such.

*gets an idea* Do you wanna make a bet with me?

*he grins* Depends on what it is

Basketball. I'm working on a program right now with the ICLU, a coworker wants to come visit me and discuss about it but appreantly work visits aren't allowed during this. If I can get more hoops in you'll arrange that?

*he furrows his brows* Better yet, I could just organize for your coworker to visit under the guise of another event going on. Just give me a few weeks to work out the details.

*kinda chuckles because shes competitive* oh? Youre scared you'll lose? But if that's what you prefer

*he laughs* No, I just know I’d win, and I’d hate to deny you the ability to see your coworker

Fine. You'll set up the meeting, then I'll just prove to you that I would win had their beem stakes.

*he narrows his eyes at her, extending a hand to shake, still grinning* Deal

*shakes it firmly then kicks off her heels planning to walk to the court barefoot.* Would be an unfair advantage for me to still be in them

*he raises his eyebrows* Why, they helped square up the height difference between us, at the very least *he chuckles*

*almost elbows him over that but barely stops herself* I don't need that help. I'm perfectly capable of crushing you independent of my shoes

*he laughs* I played basketball in uni, you know?

As did I. Well- not in a club. A guy who I was *ponders for a moment* acquainted with, played it therefore I played with him and his friends fairly often

*he raises his eyebrows* And how tall was your acquaintance? Because I’m used to playing with people my height, but also my mom and sister, who are - *he puts his hand somewhere around his shoulder because they’re 5’4” and 5’5”* - about this tall

He was around 6'3. His friends the same or more. Don't worry I'm well aware of the disadvantage of my height and very prepared to utilize it

*he chuckles* Oh, I’ve got to see this. *when they get to the court he starts dribbling the ball casually, walking towards the middle of the court* Do you want to start with the ball, or should I?

*thinks for a moment and puts her shoes down on the edge of the court and rolls up the bottoms of her dress pants a bit* You can start with it.

*he raises his eyebrows at her rolling up her dress pants, but he nods* Okay, if you insist. *he waits until he’s ready before starting the play*

*she walks up prepared to steal since she cant block*

*he starts dribbling more seriously, quickly maneuvering around her, taking three large steps with the ball, and then shoots a basket, and it goes in*

*she kinda huffs about that dislikes. But once he has the ball again she tries again, this time getting it and doing her UNDER THE LEGS MOVE AND SHOOTS*

*he turns around, a little in shock* That is not a legal move!

Hmmm *puts her finger to her chin very smug* I dont think it explicitly says in the rules that you're not allowed too. You use your height I'll use mine *VERY SMUG*

*he narrows his eyes* Fine, best 2 out of 3? Whoever gets this next shot wins, then

*SHES BEING COCKY NOW* Aw is the wittle princey calling it quits so soon? His fragile ego damaged? *bats her eyes teasingly*

*he narrows his eyes* Fine, best three out of five, then. *he starts dribbling the ball right from here he is, and it’s a long shot to his basket from there, but he’s pretty confident, so he goes for it, and somehow it actually goes in. he raises his eyebrows at her* Still think you’re gonna win?

*crosses her arms* That was luck. *goes to get the ball since shes closer*

Or just sheer skill. *he smirks a little*

*turns to face him just to roll her eyes and gets the ball. She then dribbles it back to the middle or something idk how basketball works*

*he follows her to the middle, standing in front of her, knees bent in that “ready” position idk wtf it’s called lmao*

*that position makes knees wide so she dribbles and goes to do her fast under the leg move again*

*he sees it coming this time, and takes a few steps back, keeps his arm in front of him to reach for the ball, which he gets, and then dribbles across to the the hoop he has to score in, taking the shot, and watching it go in again. he grabs the ball as it bounces back up, raising his brows at savannah* One more, or are you good? *he grins a little*

*huffs again and crosses her arm* Fine we'll call it at 3 to 1. But in my defense it's been awhile.

*he grins* Well, you’re always welcome to practice out here with me, if you want.

I can't tell if you're being taunting or not *rolls her eyes and walks up to him then holds out her hand to shake for the end of the game*

*he takes her hand and shakes, then gives her a genuine smile* No taunting. I mean it. I’d love to have someone new to play with.

I'll consider it then. I am getting slightly bored of your homes running path for exercise.

*smiles back even tho she doesnt wanna because it was a nice offer*

*he tilts his head from side to side* Yeah, the running trail through the gardens is kind of short. There are better ones /in/ Angeles, if you ever want to check them out

Not sure I'm allowed to just waltz on out of here, but I'd love the names of any you know. My grandmother lives near her so I'm sure I'll be visiting soon enough after this if not immediately so.

*he shrugs* I could also drive you sometime, if you want. I /do/ have a car.

*seems a bit surprised* You know how to drive?

*he furrows his brows* Of course! I got my license as soon as I was legally allowed to.

But its not like you need too? Don't you have like drivers?

*he looks a little confused and taken aback* I’m sure some exist, but why would I want someone else to drive me when I could be free and drive myself?

I'm not sure. I just know rich people, like for example my cousin *mumbles for a moment to find the phrasing* So my grandmother is in charge of the Mars Candy Corporation. My mom's older brother Nathaniel will be taking over it, his kids also my cousins all have drivers. They're like twenty something now but Jackson is always bragging about how he doesn't have to take the effort to drive himself places. I just assumed other people who could afford them would have them, especially busy people who could work instead of drive.

*he blinks* Wow, I never even would have considered that. *he shakes his head* No, I like driving. Being able to roll the windows down and blast the music...it’s like a few moments of freedom. *he shrugs, smiling a little sadly*

*she noticed the smile then something clicks* so freedom is your vice. You act out to feel free, thus the partying. You mentioned earlier the responsibility of being a prince being am influence on the partying. A lack of freedom makes sense. *she knows shes getting too personal but her curiosity and worry for the future gets the best of her* But what does that mean you're going to do when you're king? You'll have even less. How do you plan to maintain that restriction without bursting and needing freedom?

*he stiffens a little at her analysis because damn it’s spot on, but sighs towards the end* Getting as much out of life as I can now. I always knew what my future held for me. So I can plan accordingly. *he forces a small grin, trying to joke* Besides, with any luck, I’ll be old and almost out of energy by the time I’m king.

*furrows her eyebrows concerned* That doesn't work. *sighs* Believe me I'd know. But we aren't wired to run off memories. Instead we develop habits and coping mechanisms. Everyone snaps from time to time, you'll go back to what made you happy last. For you I assume that'll be partying. Which is something you can't do as king, and assuming it wont be till your old isn't right either, regardless of if that was a joke it's not something that you can lean on since millions of people could be relying on you and you'd be unprepared. You are going to be king, You are not going to have freedom, you are going to be under immense pressure and responsibility, honest answer, what are you going to do when you need to snap?

*he narrows his eyes at her, this time more out of irritation than anything else, and he’s a little sarcastic* Gee, thanks for the reminder. Though, for the record, I /haven’t/ partied since uni, and I have no plans to in the near future. So perhaps I’ll rely on my other coping mechanism, such as basketball, or taking a drive.

Yeah well it's the truth and uni wasn't that long ago. It's hard to break habits. I mean I partied like 4 times a month in undergrad and I still use it. That was forever ago but that's not how humans work. You're gonna lean on what you've leaned on. You're going to get shitfaced, you're going to want what you used to have, you're gonna idolize those times in uni and want them back. But you're not going to have it and it's going to be hard and shitty but you have to tough it out because of the country that relies on you and this is proving to me that you're not going to be a reliable King for the people who need you.

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