#Also Jay took drugs years ago

[benxcallumforever]

Lola didn't allow Ben near Lexi when she found out he was taking drugs. Why should Jay be allowed near her then? Ben took drugs to deal with the trauma of rape, Jay is taking drugs to deal with grief. Why should only one of them be an exception?

[issamultistan]

fuck the attitude. | park sunghoon

paring: highschool!sunghoon x fem!reader

wc: 2,905 (two thousand, nine hundred, five)

warnings: nsfw content, cursing, mentions of alcohol/drugs and the use of them, not proofread

contents: dom!sunghoon, brat-ish!reader, partygirl!reader, (at first) shy!sunghoon, mean!sunghoon, sunghoon has four fwbs, mentions of hyung line and txt's yeonjun, dirty talk, degradation, oral (f receiving), overstimulation, creampie, unprotected sex, dacryphilia, nipple play, spanking/slapping, fucking in a strangers bed???, use of “sweetheart” , “slut”

notes : INSP BY THIS??? CAPTION??? HELLO D-D SUNGHOON WAS TO HOT PASSING AWAY I NEED HIM OHMYGOD. this was supposed to be a horny thought but i got carried away... LMAOOO

also the way this a year old 😭😭 sorry i disappeared on y’all fr … I ALSO FORGOT TO ADD EVERYONE IS LEGAL 18 OR OVER 18 !!

“what?” sunghoon questions when you abruptly disturbed his concentration.

“c’mon it'll be fun, hoon!” you smile at the male. sunghoon grimaced when he heard the endearment, were the the two of you that close?

well, no.

it all started back in the beginning of senior year, only a few months ago, where you first met sunghoon in your sketching class. he was very quiet at first, too quiet for your tastes. i mean, you were the school renowned party girl. you could be seen at any party that your high school held, no matter if you knew the hosts or not. on the other hand, sunghoon was very different from you. he kept to himself, only having a few close friends, yet still was known as the “pretty prince on ice.” after all, he was amazing at figure skating. your personalities were so different; at least at first.

when you asked sunghoon to attend a party with you, sunghoon nearly wanted to run out of the classroom and never talk to you again. why would you want sunghoon to tag along some stupid party with a bunch of horny and drunk adults?

“okay, no. i am not going to a stranger’s party.” sunghoon drops his sketching pencil to look straight at you. “i don’t wanna go.” he finalizes.

you groan quietly, “why can’t you have some fun? i’m sure heeseung, jay, and jake are gonna be there too.” you smile at sunghoon when you mention his friends. he knew you were going to drag them in soon enough.

“i told you, y/n. no. besides, i have practice.” park sunghoon was lying straight out of his mouth. he only had practices sunday through thursday, but of course, you didn't know that. closing up your notebook you took a good look at the boy across from you.

“no wonder you’re a virgin.” you say, barely above a whisper.

“excuse you?”

a slight laugh exits your mouth, “i mean, if you never go to parties, you surely have never dicked a girl down before. if you have, you’re probably terrible at it and you probably haven't even drank or done drugs.” you chew on your bottom lip as you see sunghoon’s face contort from disgust to anger.

park sunghoon was mad. like really mad.

before the boy could say anything, the school bell rang throughout the campus building, cutting off any words that could've left sunghoon’s mouth.

when you packed up your stuff, you lean against your shared table, “i saw how you got mad, if you wanna prove me wrong, pull up to daniel choi’s house. i wanna see you there, hoonie.”

a slight smirk appears on your face to the point sunghoon wanted to smack it off. the fake sweetness that laced your words got him even more annoyed too. oh, he’s going to prove you wrong.

he’s sure of it.

after the small conversation you had with sunghoon, you wondered why he got so mad. like of course he would since you insulted his sex status, but what made him nearly yell at you? it surely couldn't have just been he was a virgin, right? or the fact he didn't drink or do drugs? it was genuinely the first time you saw sunghoon experience another emotion other than just neutral. even if it piqued your interests, you simply swatted it off your mind.

“hey, y/n!” a voice calls out from you down the hall. you look back and you see jake sim, a friend of yours and sunghoon.

“oh hi, jake! what's up?” jake rarely ever talks to you, even if the both of you had the same calculus class last period.

“hoon’s mad at you.” a slight downturned smile hooks his mouth as he says his words.

you rolls your eyes at him, “i wonder why.”

jake sighs, “he won't say what got him so mad, he just kinda said it was your fault.” the boy shrugs his shoulders as the two of you enter into class.

as the two of you sat down to whatever seat you wanted, you purse your lips, “all i said was he was a virgin because he never went to parties.”

the blond boy stares at you weirdly, as if you said something offensive. “you said what?”

“it’s not that big of a deal, he just can’t take a joke. like if i said that to you, you’d take it lightheartedly, right?” you look at jake expectantly.

“y/n, it doesn’t work like that… besides, what do you know about hoon?” jake scoffs at your previous words.

“let’s see, he’s quiet, ice skates really well... and that’s it. he’s really plain.” you laugh at your own words.

“yeah, and if you were closer to him you’d know he has like four girls on his dick right now.”

what.

“sunghoon? park sunghoon. mr. pretty prince on ice? no way.” your mouth twisted a bit at jake’s sentence. was he really being serious?

“you didn't know? he has a lot of friends with benefits type relationships. all of the girls he’s fucked always say he’s like a sex god.” jake whispers as he sees more students enter into the once empty classroom. “if you don’t change your attitude, he's probably gonna fuck it outta you.” jake jokes before the class bell rang, signaling classes were slowly going to go into session.

for the rest of class, you couldn’t think of a single thought about calc. all you could think was sunghoon.

four friends with benefits? fucked many girls? a sex god? he’d fuck your attitude out of you? what other secrets did sunghoon hid from you? well, you didn't have to take long because just in a few hours, you’ll see.

the clock strikes 21:35 (9:35 pm), meaning daniel’s party would start soon. daniel, or previously known as yeonjun, was an alumni of the current high school you were attending. you first met him in year 9 (freshman) year when he was in year 12 (senior). he quickly became the older-brother-type friend that you would become closer to as the years pass. even though daniel was committed to his college courses, he still had that high school wild party side in him. so every once in awhile, he’d host parties at his (insanely large) house.

as you take a look at the time, you start to get ready, texting your friends now and then, deciding what to wear. once you finished getting ready, you take a glance at the clock again. 22:18 (10:18pm). perfect.

you finish yourself up and met your friends outside as all of you drove to daniel’s house. even if you were already having fun with your friends, a particular someone stayed in your head. butterflies were swarming your stomach as you kept on thinking of jake’s words, “if you don't change your attitude, he’s probably gonna fuck it outta you.”

what were you thinking? it’s not like sunghoon was going to fuck you... unless?

the smell was just putrid. sex, alcohol, drugs, sex, alcohol, did you say sex yet? it was only half an hour into the party and yet you can see multiple people passed out on daniel's living room couch, a bunch of horny teenagers trying to suck their faces off, a group trying cocaine for the first time, park sunghoon looking so fucking hot, and— park sunghoon? didn’t he have practice?

too dumbfounded by the way sunghoon looked, daniel spotted you. “y/n!” you nearly knocked daniel down by jumping into his arms and hugging daniel. “you’ve grown so much! how’s been senior year?” he asks, trying to stabilize himself from nearly falling back first.

“it’s been great, danny.” the nickname brings a wave to nostalgia as he gives you a red solo cup of some random alcohol you could care less about.

time passes and you surprisingly haven’t drunken much nor did any lines of coke, smoked a blunt, touched molly— you get it. instead, you kept an eye out on sunghoon. as said he has specifically four girls he has his hands constantly. what a player. you internally roll your eyes at the man only a few feet away from you in the kitchen. sure, he was attractive. it’s not like he could pound you until your brain is fucked out in the best way, making sure his cock is brushing so deep in your pussy— what the fuck.

daniel thankfully interrupts your stupid thoughts by pushing you another cup of alcohol, “drink?”

you smile at his completely drunken state, “thanks, danny.”

“i think that should be enough for tonight, sweetheart.” the deep voice made you flinch, making your back hit the person’s chest. it's none other than park sunghoon, in the flesh, looking obnoxiously hot.

“who are you to decide how much i drink?” you quirk an eyebrow at the taller boy, taking a liking to the nickname.

“i just think that some people shouldn’t drink too much.” sunghoon says nonchalantly.

before you can properly retort back something witty, daniel stands on the kitchen counter. “i’m just gonna say this once because i’m probaby gonna be wasted soon but let’s do a cheers because i say so!” daniel was wacked out of his mind but, it was a funny kind of wacky. you raise your cup along with everyone else in the room and cheers with daniel. you take a glace back at sunghoon and instantly regretted it.

as he rose his cup, he bites his lower lip attractively, making his dimples become prominent to the eye. he then downs his drink in one fast gulp, sighing from the alcoholic drink afterwards. “you’re staring too hard, sweetheart.”

“i’m not.” this time you were the one lying out of your mouth. “why would you care? didn’t you have practice to attend? or your little girlies?”

a scoff comes from sunghoon, “sorry i lied, sweetheart. i don’t need them either, i have better things to do.” he presses a hand against the counter next to you, practically caging you in his body.

“like me?” you joke at first.

“yeah, like you.” a smirk appears on his face as he looks down at you. sunghoon knew too well what he was doing. the eye contact was unbearable, your breathing became ragged, and your drink moving around in your cup due to how shaky your hands have gotten. you bit your lip to silence yourself of saying anything more embarrassing.

“where’s that little y/n that teased me for being a virgin, huh? because all i see is a little slut just begging for my cock in her.” sunghoon playfully moans in your ear as he says the word “begging”.

gluping down the nervousness you try to think of something to say, “i’m not begging unless... you... i don't know... fuck the attitude outta me.” you mock sunghoon by moaning “fuck” and restating the words jake told you earlier.

“oh, i will.”

sunghoon immediately pulls you to a random room upstairs in daniel’s house and pushes you towards the bed, making you bounce lightly on the mattress.

“i’m gonna fucking ruin you.” and that’s what sunghoon did. stripping you from your jeans and panties, he latches his lips over your clit, sucking harshly at the bud. your hands find his black roots, pulling him closer to your cunt.

“so fucking needy, aren’t you? you’re so cock hungry for me, huh? haven’t even done anything but sucking on your stupid clit.” sunghoon mutters against your labia. his voice vibrates against you in the best way possible.

“fuck— yes i am— only for you!” you weakly murmur, unable to create full sentences with the amount of pleasure sunghoon provided. his strong arms wraps around your thighs, pushing you down to the mattress. your legs also find their way around his head, making his tongue fully insert itself into your hot cunt. lapping at your juices, in just a few minutes, sunghoon’s face became all messy. your voice raises in pitch as you sputter out, “coming— sunghoon!”

even if your high came crashing down, sunghoon smirks against your cunt, “yeah that’s right, come for me, say my name when you come.” a smack against your ass rippled through your veins as sunghoon kept on devouring you whole. with that, sunghoon bores his eyes into your as he flattened his tongue right on your cunt. you couldn’t look away. it was too much, you were so close coming undone over sunghoon’s tongue again.

“no— sunghoon— too much— want your cock.” your voice trembled but you tried everything you could to at least sound coherent enough.

“hmm? too much? don’t you mean too good? you’re gonna take everything i give you, got that?”

you felt like you were on cloud nine. even if sunghoon was just eating you out, he looks good doing it. a little too good. a smug smile as he eats you out, his nose and mouth all up in your pussy, and his strong arms hooking under you to make sure you don’t move. everything was so attractive.

with one last flick of his tongue, you came for the second time that night. you weren’t the one who would have multiple orgasms but, you might just have to try it because of sunghoon.

in such a short amount of time, you came twice. all from sunghoon eating you out. jake wasn’t joking around. sunghoon is like a sex god.

your thighs immediately clamp up after sunghoon removes himself from your pussy. he raised up to take off the layers he had on him but he laughs at you once he sees you trying to regain breaths, “awhh, is my tongue too much for you sweetheart? i didn’t even finger you. this stupid little cunt just loves coming, huh?”

one of his hands fiddle with his jeans, taking them off, while the other slides to your slick cunt and slaps it a few times. each time more and more of his saliva and your cum splats on his hands, causing him to get impossibly harder.

“i’m gonna fuck you, gonna fuck you so hard you’re crying for me to fill you up.” sunghoon grunts as he presses his tip on your opening, gaining the wetness on his cock. you simply moan back, you wanted his cock. you wanted to go dumb on his cock. that was all you needed.

once his cock fully slides in you, he takes no chance and starts roughly thrusting into you. it didn’t take that long for you to start moaning his name again. the bed was rocking to his motions, your hands on his chest trying to have some balance while his hands are secure on your thighs; pushing them along to his pace.

“ngh— sunghoon, fuck! more please, please sunghoon i need more—!” you mindlessly babble. you were experiencing so much pleasure, you didn’t even know you wanted more. your brain and your heart were jumbled up together.

“yeah? more? you want more you needy slut? alright, i’ll give you more.” hoon starts peeling off your top and bra, fighting the urge to just rip them off. he then grabs your sensitive nipples and twists them. the shocking pleasure has you nearly screaming for sunghoon. there’s so much happening, you couldn’t care if anyone could hear you outside.

“does it feel good, y/nnn?” slurring his words near the of you name. “look at you shutting your eyes, you love this!” sunghoon laughs as he kept on having a stable pace. his cock is so loose in you and the tip is practically abusing your cervix over and over.

sighing, moaning, groaning, grunting, whimpering was the only thing left in the room. along with sunghoon’s cock in you, of course. you were at the brink of that knot completely snapping in your stomach. it was so close; it was right there. tears even start dripping down to your cheeks, not in sadness or pain. but in delight.

the waves of pleasure were crashing down soon. they were waves crashing slowly. you needed those waves where they’d crash down fast. third orgasm was even better than the first.

“sweetheart, you’re crying? crying on my cock? fuck— you’re desperate to come.” sunghoon grunts as another bead of sweat starts dripping along his hairline. he was on the edge too, he needed it as much as you. a barely heard “mhmm!” escaped your lips as a response.

“god— sunghoon! use me— wanna have your cum in me— please!” you creak out. sunghoon laughs at your poor attempt of talking.

the warm, nearly silky feeling of my white strings of his cum was all in your pussy. snug, full, and filled. sunghoon’s arms gives up and falls right besides you.

“don’t ever say i’m a virgin again.” sunghoon groans as he takes his thrown off t-shirt to clean off yours and his cum off of you and him.

“i was just joking! hoon— fuck. you are a sex god.” you can’t help but laugh a bit.

“sex god??? who told you that.”

“… jake.” you reply.

“whatever, at least i got to prove it to you that i’m not a virgin.” hoon rolls his eyes at you.

“yeah but, i sure don’t think we can still be friends after this.” you sigh, looking at the ceiling above you.

“who said we were?”

“what?”

“who said we were just friends?”

who knew sunghoon wanted to fuck from the start?

kpop masterlist !

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[humanoiddisaster]

Strawberry Milkshake

'Jason is dying. He knows it, he felt the very same feeling about 6 years ago. While rapidly bleeding out he ends up thinking about his love life and how it ended up with him having to juggle 2.5 personas at once. His brain tries to find memories to distract him from his blurry vision as his mind goes back to when he just met Roy. When all they were was friends...' Warning for implied character death, underage drug use, partners not knowing of their real identities, cursing and Jason Todd.

Gotham, 2025

Jason spat out blood, feeling lightheaded as he tried to get up before he gave up, his body too heavy for himself to hold up.

He laid in the pool of his own blood, even the enchanced healing from the lazarus pit wasn't able to heal the injury.

Was this really how it ends for him? How Red Hood was supposed to die? Killed by his own father… how was he so stupid to believe Bruce would change his mind?

He thought over everything he did before and after his death. All the pain he went through, all the relentless training he participated in, all the people he saved… and… all the people he loved.

What would his partner say? When Red Hood is found dead, his identity revealed, what when Roy finds out that all this time behind 'Jay' it was Jason who was that fake persona… an old friend, a dead kid, a criminal.

He thought about how close the two of them were despite not knowing eachothers true identities. Well- he did know Roy's, but Roy definitely didn't know his. Memories of their time before anything was even slightly romantic also rang through his brain as it scrambled to find any situation that could relate to this death. Besides his first death that is, he could still feel the barbed wire wrapped around him, could feel the way his shoulders were dislocating from one second to another.

Back when they were just friends, and that was it… How did their friendship really start?

As he coughed out more blood, his eyes got blurry while he felt himself smile, crimson stains on his teeth.

It probably started with that Strawberry Milkshake…

Star City, 2016

Roy walked out of the alleyway as he could still hear the laughter of his 'friends' who decided to take a few more rounds. He was ready to go home, tomorrow he will have a big test he has to prepare for. With the drugs hidden in his hoodie he calmly strolled by, but when he was walking back to the main street he stopped in his tracks due to the sound of footsteps behind him. Heavy footsteps… at least 3 people, who definitely didn't fit the light, malnourished bodies of his friends. He got prepared, ready to reach for his bow when he suddenly heard a quiet thump. He turned back immedietely, watching as none other than Robin took down the three guys. He gulped, watching as the caped bird turned to him, with what seemed to be a cold stare behind the domino mask. Roy slowly put his hands up into view before one of them automatically touched his bag.

His voice came out rushed and a bit panicked as he clutched the strap of his duffle bag tighter. His vision still wasn't clear yet but the colours of the red, yellow and green costume were vivid in front of him

"It's fine- I have it covered-" he said as he held his hands open in a calm gesture. He just watched this kid knock out 3 different guys on his own plus he wasn't really in the mood or the physical capability to fight him.

"You have it covered?" The soft voice asked to which Roy could only nod. He felt his hands shake and his throat get dry as his hand reached into the duffle bag to show his bow neatly folded inside of it.

"I work for the league, just like you I am also a sidekick" He tried to stay calm and not look too suspicious as the younger boy tilted his head

"And how exactly do I know that you aren't lying?" Robin asked, his voice soft and kind as if his green gloves didn't have bloody stains on the knuckles.

Roy felt that he was in trouble, possibly because he was just caught on the street that the most infamous drug dealer of Star City was selling on, not as sober as he should be, lying to the kid as if he was working undercover. He panicked a bit because he had never thought about it before. How was he supposed to prove who he was if what they were taught was how to make sure they weren't easily recognizable as civilians?

He was too tired for this, too exhausted, and maybe there just wasn't a better way. He reached for the small ear piece that was hidden in one of the inner pockets of his duffle bag. He put it into his ear- nearly invisible- as he waited a few seconds before turning it on.

"Connect to an empty channel" He mumbled, watching the kid fumble a bit with his own piece before they were connected. He took a deep breath and put on the most convincing impression of himself.

"Speedy reporting in, I have the area covered" The filter over the earpiece changed his voice just enough to be recognizable. Robin seemed a bit sceptical but his posture seemed to relax ever so slightly.

"What are you even doing all the way in Star city?" He asked, leaning over the wall as he let out a soft sigh, making sure to shut down the link between their comms. God knows someone could be listening in, or recording it to use against them later. What would he say then? That yeah, actually, he lied and nobody knew he was here, especially not Green Arrow.

"Me and Batman followed a trail from Gotham that led here." Robin's voice was cheerful and covered in honey, with that bit of childish innocence. Roy could feel that the kid wasn't telling him everything but it's not like he had the right to question the boy any further.

"Cool. So… The mission. We uh- we aren't gonna interrupt each other then?" Roy said unsure to which the kid just nodded. He felt himself smile in relief, closing his eyes just for a few seconds.

"Great. It was really cool to meet you but-" When he opened them again, Robin was gone.

Right.

Roy forgot they do that…

Roy was sure that it was a one of a time thing, that he got to see the Boy Wonder 2 once and it was just a close call but nothing would come out of it.

Oh boy was he wrong.

His back leaned against the wall of the alleyway as he let out a soft sigh. Slowly, he let his hand trail over his arms and back. It was fine. His ribs were badly bruised, so was his knee, and his leg was still probably bleeding a bit, but it was fine. He just had to relieve the pain…

He reached for his pocket, or rather for what was inside of it, but before he could do anything he heard the faintest thump on his right. He shivered, immediately looking in the direction of the sound, bracing himself for combat when he was met with that familiar red-yellow-green suit.

The shiny emblem of the 'R' taunted him as he looked at the masked kid.

"What the hell are you doing here? I told you I have things covered" He hissed out, maybe a bit too harshly but he was angry, annoyed that his little ritual was interrupted

"You know, with our line of work, I thought you would know how to be more responsible. Come on, I know a safe place around" He could hear the soft voice say. He got confused, unsure what the kid meant, but with his hand held out like that it wasn't easy to just reject the offer… Whatever it was.

He grabbed Robin's hand unsure and let him lead both of them. Through the alleys, through some stairs and rooftops, until they reached a scaffolding and entered an apartment through the window.

The apartment itself was small but had everything someone might need. A couch, a kitchen, an old TV, a few of those 'home sweet home' signs all over the place. Roy immediately considered that they must have broken into someone's house but the closer he looked the more it felt that the place just wasn't really lived in.

"What… Is this place?" He asked unsure, still confused about what Robin would want from him. He was exhausted, in pain after a failed mission and really wanted to get over with whatever this was.

"It's a safehouse. One that doesn't belong to B so you don't have to worry about any cameras or hidden microphones." Robin casually sat down on top of the dining table as Roy just stared at him in silence

"Okay… But why did you bring me here?" He finally asked while crossing his arms.

"So you can safely do your drugs?" The answer hit Roy like a cold bucket of water poured on him every Easter.

"What? What are you talking about? I don't know what you mean. What drugs? I don't do drugs. You are confused and misunderstood the situation it's-" Harper tried to save his ass but maybe it was all the exhaustion and pain, maybe it was his lack of luck, or maybe it was just the fact that the kid was trained by the greatest detective in the world, but it looked like Robin wasn't really buying it. The opposite of it actually, as he interrupted Roy.

"Just shut up and do it! Look- you aren't really good at hiding this okay? I am trying to be nice, to be polite, but you are really not helping right now. I just want to make sure you are going to be safe so calm down and sit the fuck down." The shout of the kid and the curse combined with that innocent voice felt weird. It shut down his brain as he followed the instruction, sitting down on the couch that was placed opposite of the dining table. The Kid watched him like a hawk, making him swallow unsure as he gripped his arms tighter with realizations dawning on him.

"So… Everyone knows…" He said quietly, feeling his chest tighten at the fear of what Ollie will do when Roy gets back home. If he was even allowed to call that place home anymore…

"I wouldn't say so. Well- can't really say for sure, but I didn't spill anything" Robin spoke softly once more, fidgeting a bit as if he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself.

"You didn't?" Roy asked quietly, biting his lip and feeling it bleed as his body shivered uncontrollably.

"Of course I didn't, come on, I am not like that." Robin seemed a bit offended by the accusation but it just confused Roy more.

"But why? Why wouldn't you? What do you have from protecting me?" He asked, looking suspiciously at the younger. Robin sighed heavily, lying his back in the table with his legs dangling off of it.

"What would I have from ratting you out? Look- Speedy- I know what these things can do but I also know I can't force you to not do it. I also know that you aren't a bad person, and telling on you will bring more trouble so if instead I can just give you a safe space and make sure you are going to be fine then I'll keep it to myself." The explanation felt plausible but it didn't make Roy trust the kid any more. He couldn't possibly understand why the kid would care so much.

"How do I know you aren't going to turn your back on me?" He asked, feeling like there wasn't really anything stopping Robin from waiting for Roy to get high to have proof of the drug use. Although he could also just confiscate the drugs Roy had on himself… So…

"Jason Todd" His thoughts were interrupted but the name didn't ring any bells and it certainly didn't do anything to make Roy feel less anxious.

"That's my name. Now you know, so if I tell anyone about this, you get to tell them I revealed my secret identity. I would get in just as much trouble with B as you would with Arrow" The kid- Jason has pointed out.

Batman was terrifying. From the last Robin's pressure over his secret, which Roy understood because at some point Robin 1 was his best friend, it did feel like the birds would be pretty much dead if Batman found out they revealed their secret.

Roy swallowed his spit. With the kid barely watching…

God, he was just so tired of the pain.

He rolled up his sleeves and reached into his pocket, taking out a small bag with crystals, one more time inspecting the white shards as if he could tell any impurities apart under this light.

"Will" he stumbled in his words.

"Will you want some too?" he asked, fully expecting the answer to be yes.

"No" rang through his ears making him feel guilty for even asking. Robin's voice was harsh, filled with disgust, hatred and… Sorrow? He had enough sulking for today 'but the company is always appreciated' he thought to himself while putting a carefully measured amount into the dirty glass pipe. He put the rest back in the bag and took a deep breath while pressing the button of his lighter.

He inhaled and almost instantly felt the oh so craved euphoric rush. Thoughts in his brain started running like speedsters as he got to experience this once again. What felt like the only thing that could clear his mind, he took another long drag and observed the room.

"So who are you after?" Came out of his mouth as he laid back, allowing the feeling to spread through his body, washing away the bothersome pain he sought to alleviate.

"Just a drug trail all the way from Gotham to Star city, it involves Bane so I was asked to look for any people who happen to be known to work with him, which included the 3 that were trying to mug you last time" Robin calmly explained, curling up on the table.

Roy was listening and organizing his thoughts together with what Robin implied. Focusing on the kid's movements and the tone of his voice, trying to catch any signs of ill intentions or lies.

'Well if it's over at least I'm not gonna be in pain' he thought before trying to figure out what common topic he could find to kill the silence. He planned to go into a club to drink and enjoy himself but now these things seemed extremely inappropriate around the young 'hero'.

"Do you…" He swallowed, his throat somehow dry as he tried to make his words as clear as possible.

"Wanna do something together? Or are we just going to stay in an awkward silence?" He asked, finally feeling the pain fully disappear which allowed him to truly relax and yet… He still felt somewhat anxious.

"Like what?" Robin asked which made Roy think for a second. What could they be doing? He bit his lip, feeling a smirk appear on his face at the idea that came to his head.

"Wanna go out and take down that guy? What was his name? Bane?" He asked, watching as Robin sat up properly, only to find him angry instead of excited

"Are you insane? We aren't going out until you sober up. Besides! Bane isn't some low level villain!" Jason's voice left no space for questions as Roy just sighed. Looks like they were going to just awkwardly sit here in silence…

His eyes closed as he accepted the fate, deciding that he didn't really want to fight the kid on any of it.

Roy wasn't sure how long they just sat there in silence, but at some point Robin spoke up again.

"Would you watch Murder On The Orient Express with me?" Jayson asked quietly, his eyes big behind the domino mask.

"Yeah, sure, totally, absolutely." Roy said with a smile, the chemicals in his body working pretty well as he felt himself jump up to sit criss-crossed on the couch.

The boy got up and walked up to the old TV, taking out a few rectangular boxes before looking through them and choosing the movie. Roy bit his lip again, watching as the disc got inserted into the TV and soon enough the movie started.

"Why don't you watch it alone? I mean do you just not have time or like- do you just want to watch it again? Why this movie specifically?" He could feel himself talking more, could feel the need to do something with himself in the meantime.

"I am technically not allowed to watch it, that plus school, training and being Robin. I heard the movie is pretty good and I really like the author" Robin shrugged, sitting down on the opposite side of the couch and Roy hummed back in response.

"Okay, but like, why? Why wouldn't you be allowed to watch it? Are your parents super uptight about these things? Speaking of, how are your parents with you being a vigilante? Aren't they worried about you being out so late? For so long? Don't they question the injuries? Actually-" He wanted to continue but Robin interrupted him again, in the softest, quietest voice he ever heard.

"Can you please just shut up?" Roy looked at the kid, feeling that he did something wrong. Jason seemed sad, holding onto himself tightly as Roy realized his words were a bit insensitive.

"Hey I am s-" When trying to apologize he was met with Jason looking at him with one of those bat-glares that imedietely shut Roy down.

Yeah…

Quiet…

He bounced his leg up and down, feeling his teeth grind on themselves as nothing was stimulating him enough. With the movie in the background he pulled out his communicator and started going through old case files, mostly to try and find any new leads or clues. Also just to kill time. He wasn't quite sure what was happening in the movie, but with the kid intenesly watching the movie he didn't really want to comment or move too much so that he doesn't interrupt Robin by any chance.

Suddenly, he shot up from his place and started pacing around the room right as the credits of the movie started appearing on the screen.

"We gotta leave- gotta go out and do something- come on, please, let's go, we can at least take down the cooks in the chain, I know where those guys were getting the drugs from, let's beat the shit out of them and throw them into Jail!" He said with excitement in his voice, watching the confusion on Robin's face turn into panic as Roy walked up to the window.

"NO! No freaking way!!! We are NOT going out! Not with you like that!" Robin was fast, Roy barely opened the window before he felt that his back was slammed, making him lean out of the window when Robin grabbed his shirt and forcefully dragged him back inside, closing the door as Roy felt a rush inside of him.

Roy laid on the floor waiting for his moment before grabbing the cape from behind, knocking Robin off balance but not for long. They both got up and started fighting- nothing serious, as neither wanted to hurt the other, but also neither of them wanted to give up the fight. With Roy's energy it got more heated but no real punches were thrown. Until he was slammed over the table which broke underneath him. He groaned, feeling a weird tingle in his body as he was far from being able to feel pain.

"Oh my god I am so sorry- Are you alright?" Robin's quiet, worried voice came out as he stood above Roy, shaking which confused him.

"Yeah I am… fine?" He mumbled, sitting up as Robin started examining his back, mumbling all the time about how 'stupid' and 'reckless' it was.

"Hey- Hey- everything is alright- come on- it's no big deal" He said with a smile as he got up and shook the leftover wooden pieces off of his clothes.

"Are you… sure? B doesn't like when I get violent during training…" Robin's voice was so small that Roy could just now see how young he was… how bizarre, that a kid was the one who Roy felt that he should look up to. How the kid was more responsible than he ever was…

What was he doing with his life?

Guilt overcame him as he looked down at his shaky hands. He shouldn't have done this in front of a child.

"Speedy? Hello? You there? Oh my- please don't tell me I have to call an ambulance" From the crack of the voice and the red over Robin's cheeks Roy could tell that he was about to start crying.

"It's okay I am just… sorry. I never wanted to ruin your day or… or make myself your responsibility" He said quietly to which Jason just sighed

"I am sorry kid…" He mumbled, suddenly seeing Robin's face change.

"Excuse you? I get that I am not that old but I am far from being a child. I am literally 13, there is a TEEN in the number you doofus" Roy stared at him for a few seconds before opening his mouth again.

"You look 7, maybe 9" He laughed which just ended up with Robin gently hitting him in the shoulder.

"You- I swear next time I'll just leave you on the street corner" Robin let out a grumpy noise as Roy continued laughing.

"I knew that it was a trusted place-" Robin was quick to interrupt him, again.

"No street corner is safe! I hope you never come to Gotham with that attitude" The little bird insulting Star city wouldn't fly free for long, not if Roy was around.

"Oh no- This is NO crime alley! Some corners are safe!" He exclaimed before realizing how stupid it sounded. The kid- The teen was right. They both started laughing, both finding the situation stupid.

"Hey- I get that you have energy and all, so how about we spar?" Robin asked at some point which just made Roy smile brightly.

"Oh my god yes? I mean, we gotta push some furniture out of the way but absolutely, I've been dying to move around" Robin once more checked if Roy wasn't injured before nodding with a satisfied hum.

They moved what was leftover of the table and the chairs into a corner of the room. Moved the couch further towards the wall and out of the way, they pushed the coffee table to the door and rolled up the rug so they can prevent slipping on it.

When everything was properly set up they agreed upon some rules before finally starting.

It all stayed a blue in Roy's mind, but he remembered it being quite pleasant. Really fun. He really started liking Jason, to the point where once he was done with his high and Jason visibly yawned, the older walked him to the nearest boom tube and said his goodbye.

'By the way, name's Roy. Roy Harper' He said right as he was walking off which made Robin very happy despite his sleepy state.

In the next few days nothing big happened, just taking a drug or two before his exams or training, ignoring people and trying to recreate the good high he had when he was around Jason. He simply just couldn't. His 'friends', or any other drug addicts, weren't able to make him feel safe. Weren't able to keep their hands to themselves and didn't want to do any 'boring' activities like watching a movie.

But it was fine. Roy didn't need them. He didn't need anyone. So what if his training became more violent? So what if his friends turned away from him because he was 'isolating himself'? He didn't need any of them.

But…

But spending time with Jason again would be fine.

Right as he was leaving the club he walked through the same alley again when once more he heard that soft thump. He smiled imeddietely, feeling excitement at the idea that he would get to spend more time with the new Robin.

He turned around and watched the 'dissapointed father' look on Jason, which just made Roy giggle with how adorable the kid was.

"Looks like you never learn your lesson Harper" The way he said it definitely showed how much Jason enjoyed having the luxury of knowing the archer's name.

"As if you do, Jay" He replied with no real bite, leaning over the wall as Robin tilted his head to the side

"Jay?" He asked in a quiet voice. Roy shrugged, keeping the atmosphere light.

"Yeah. It's a nickname I gave you." Robin stood in silence for a few seconds before turning around, Roy did get to watch the Boys Wonder's face burn red though.

"Aww, come on, did no one ever give you a nickname before?" Roy asked teasingly as Jason turned to face him again.

"My brother did. Once. But it always felt demeaning. The one from you is… Nice" Robin said quietly which saddened the moment and made Roy re think his next words.

"Do you… Want to talk about it?" He asked quietly, to which Jason shrugged.

"No, but I got some spare time and I am pretty sure I know your pattern so let's go" Roy felt one of his eyebrows rise above the other.

"My pattern?" He was confused which only made Robin smile while they both stayed silent.

They made their way into the apartment once more. This time Roy was more confident with his use as he didn't waste any time, taking out his pipe and lighting however much he put into it.

Robin stayed silent but seemed unbothered so Roy didn't think too much about it.

"So, how's uh- school?" Roy asked which made Robin giggle out loud.

"You are so awkward dude. It's fine, I am starting to slightly fall behind but I'll pull through it, It was just a rough couple of weeks with the new drug trades and Scarecrow releasing a new fear toxin variant, I am sure once we end these cases I'll have enough time to fix these grades" Robin sat down on the opposite side of the couch, two glasses of water in his hands as he gave one to Roy.

Roy recalled that it was the same as his own way of thinking years ago. That he would catch up. Either with school, his peers, chores, until at some point everything was so far behind he just couldn't.

That's when drugs came into his life…

"You know…" Roy trailed off, watching as Robin turned to face him.

"Is it… Really worth it? Loosing your childhood for… Being Robin?" Roy asked quietly.

Jason sighed, crossing his arms and looking away.

"If I can help people out, make peoples lives better, I am fine with sacrificing my childhood" Jason was so sure of his reply, yet it still felt like there was some hesitance behind it.

Roy hated the system they were forced into. Indoctrinated as kids to believe that becoming important 'saviours' at their young age was the best that they could do. They waste their years on heavy training, putting themselves into dangerous situations, told that it was all worth it.

Truth was… With every day that passed by Roy questioned it more.

"Alright Jay, whatever you say" He said with a soft sigh as Jason rolled his eyes again.

Or did he? It was really hard to see when Jason's eyes were covered by the domino mask

"You know, I still feel like I should give you something in return. I mean- I probably shouldn't trust you this easily but those big eyes work their magic on me" He said with a small smile as Robin brightened up

"It's the Robin magic! I am telling you, It's awesome being Robin!" With Jason's bright smile Roy felt his heart melt. This kid was precious, to be protected at all times.

"You are still evading my question you know" Roy pointed out which made both of them giggle. Jay thought for a few seconds before coming up with an answer.

"I could accept a strawberry milkshake or two" Robin's cheerful tone didn't completely fit with Roy's expectations.

"What? Why that? Can't you just get one yourself?" He asked, confused, watching as the younger's arms slouched while he started pouting.

"Well- B says I can't have them anymore because it's an 'unhealthy obsession' or something stupid like that. I just really like them, and it's not like I am gonna ask Nightwing or Gordon… Both of them already said no" Roy stared at the teen, unable to believe what he just said. The request was so stupid- so small for how big of a secret Jay was keeping, but who was Roy to deny it?

"I'll take care of it next time then. I'll bring you that stupid milkshake" Roy mumbled, leaning over the couch as he felt his leg bounce up and down again.

"You will?" Robin asked, practically sparkling with joy as Roy hummed. Jay chose a new movie for them to watch while Roy once more felt himself mostly blur by, his energy spiking again to which Jason's response was a proposition to spar again.

Roy forgot that sparring was supposed to be fun, and maybe Robin was magic.

Somehow he found himself smiling more, enjoying just existing instead of trying to find his self worth in working himself to death. They laughed, they giggled, and Roy knew that the next time this would be happening… He would be bringing a strawberry milkshake. ============= It's been in my head for a long time, and I got super excited when I started writing it. I hope everything was somewhat accurate- I tried my best. I wasn't sure with the length of the chapter and the pacing but I'll try my best to improve! Hope someone out there enjoys this lol. In case you are interested in the full story, the timeline will include Jason's death, the arkham torture, revival, both his time in the shadow league and being the Arkham Knight (we do not claim his look from the games though), the batarang incident, joker junior and a whole lot of other angst I don't have the power of explaining right now. Plus, if you for some reson actually read this, Jason uses the name 'Jay' and Roy uses the name 'Will' (I couldn't add EVERY single angst I wanted but it's a little reference to the young justice series) they started dating unaware of their real identities and pretty much both believe the other is dead. Them as teens is FULLY PLATONIC. Let that be clear :>

[kamryn1963]

Notes: I decided yesterday I was going to attempt to do Angstober this month. So will see how it goes with little (no) planning, lol.

I hope everyone enjoys this one! @angstober Prompt 1: Again

Summary: Trudy can't do much but think. Not when Hank's fighting for his life somewhere in the hospital, and she's sitting there helpless.

Trudy paced the small waiting room of Med unable to sit still as she peered out into the hallway again for any sign of a doctor that could tell her something. 

Trudy eventually couldn’t handle the silence of the others sitting there. Adam with an arm around Kim, Kevin and Torres quietly talking. It was too much and Trudy left suddenly, heading downstairs and outside. 

She had rode with Hank in the hospital, held his hand. Like she had done a dozen times before, like Hank had done for her. Back when they were on the beat. Back when it was the three of them. 

Hank had regained consciousness briefly in the ambulance. He had seemed out of it, rightfully so, Trudy had thought. Hank had obviously been stabbed and according to a slightly delirious Hailey, also drugged. 

It was when Hank started whispering Al’s name that Trudy froze up. She was unable to respond as she stared at Hank. 

Now Al was all Trudy could think of. She had barely handled losing him. When Alvin was murdered, Trudy knew she had to keep going. Hank needed her and Trudy knew that. She was the only one able to reign him in before he did something he’d regret or wasted Al’s sacrifice. 

All she could think of was how this was that day all over again. It felt like six years ago, waiting in the waiting room knowing the answer before Hank even shook his head. Al was never surviving prison. They all knew that but nobody, even Al, was going to admit it. 

But Trudy couldn’t, wouldn’t, lose Hank the same way. She needed him. Trudy didn’t like admitting it, but she needed Hank. She already had to remember one of her best friends through photos. 

Trudy had been pacing the sidewalk absentmindedly as she thought. She knew she needed to head back in. That she needed to call Erin and Antonio, who she and Hank were both in regular contact with, and update them. But words felt impossible right now. She needed to reach out to Jay as well about Hailey, but that felt just as hard. 

Trudy hadn’t felt this helpless in six years. Not since it was Michelle she had to talk to and tell her that her dad was dead. 

Trudy took a deep breath as she shook her head. This wasn’t Al. Hank would be okay. He had to be. 

Her phone rang and she saw Adam’s name on her screen. Trudy answered right away, putting her phone to her ear. 

“Adam?” 

“Hailey’s okay, so is Voight”. Adam replied urgently and Trudy felt like she could finally breathe again. 

Adam was saying more but Trudy didn’t pay attention as she started heading back inside and up to the ICU where they’d been waiting. 

This was good. Trudy had to keep reminding herself that. Everything would be okay. Hank would be okay, Hailey would be. 

She wasn’t losing her brother again. Things had worked out. 

[ofcircusesandhives]

Now I’m curious as Clyde here! Was it perhaps your father or other paternal figure?

“Okay so- let me set the scene for you all.”

“This was about- 7 years ago, I was 10 and This was about 3 weeks before winter break. And as anyone who’s ever been in a school setting will tell you, it’s within those couple weeks when everyone in their mother and brothers end up sick in one way or another.” “Cold, flues, stomach bugs- If I’m remembering right I think Tommy got pink eye, glad I didn’t get that- the whole package. And I was not spared from this shared misery-”

“I got the flu, I think I likely got it from Jay or Raven- Um, best friends, twins, known eachother since diapers- but yeah, I got the flu.”

“And dear stars above I think that was the worst illness I’ve experienced in my whole life- like, I am surprised I didn’t get taken to the Er or something, because it was Bad. I was constantly throwing up, and when I wasn’t throwing up I was coughing so bad it Made me throw up- I could barely breathe, so on and so on you all know how it goes.”

“Then one day, after I’ve been sick for maybe- 3 days? Something like that, Mother came home with this medicine. It didn’t have any labels on it or anything, and it just smelled and tasted like Grape. Not even that gross grape flavor most medicine tasted like- it honestly just tasted like grape juice, and I don’t know what kind of magic she put in that stuff- But whenever I took it, I felt fine for like the next 6 hours. I was still stuffed up and feverish but I felt normal.”

“And….One very cloudy morning, when mum and mother and Benedict had all left to go do something- I honestly can’t remember what- I had felt so so bad, that I had found one of those unmarked medicine bottles-”

“And I just downed the whole thing and went to lay on the couch.” 

“And um, here’s the thing I forgot to mention about this stuff, while it did make me feel normal it also made me so very sleepy- so I bet you can image what happened the very Second I laid on the couch.” 

“I can’t tell you how Long I was asleep, but I know that when I woke up- kinda- you know that feeling when you’re kinda awake kinda asleep? Yeah that was me- when I opened my eyes again I was in someone’s arms. And whoever this was, they were big- Maybe only slightly shorter than Clyde- and I Know they were wearing some kind of Hat and some kind of Furry cloak thing. Note, not fluffy, it was that scratchy tough type of furry.” 

“I didn’t see much because it was dark, like all the lights out were in the house, and because I was drugged out….but they brought me to my room and tucked me in, and then I passed out again and didn’t wake up for like- 7 hours later and got scolded by my mother, which is fair.” 

“....so yeah, that’s my “The hat man tucked me into bed” story. Still don’t know who it was, Jay think I was likely hallucinating the figure over my brother or something, but I don’t know- It was too tall to be Benedict but he is the only one in my family strong enough to pick me up.” ...

".....Huh....."

".....why do you look-" A squeak, then a snicker. "Oh come on, no more hugs!!"

"No, all the hugs- and plus, it's getting late..."

"It's almost 6am, this is when humans wake up."

"And when we should head to bed."

"C'mon, just a few more questions."

"Finnnnnne, but I'm not letting you go."

[talia-rumlow]

Fight For Me (Alvey Kulina/Original Female Character) Chapter One

WORDCOUNT: 5525

TRIGGERS: Mentions of drug abuse, strong language, some mentions of sex.

CHAPTER ONE - BACK AGAIN!

Venice Beach, California. Where the land meets the ocean and there's mile after mile of open beaches, life-guard towers, side walk coffee shops, luxury boutiques, unconvetional street artists and colorful wallpaintings. Venice Boardwalk was a haven for tourists, and therefore almost always packed with people.

For those who live here full time, this was a regular day to day lifestyle. And something they got used to over time. Learning when to not visit certain places, due to the crowds that gathered there. Learning how to deal with the crazy tourists, and the not so crazy ones. Life for the locals in Venice was a regular day to day life, no different from your life or my life. For them, Venice was the most beautiful place on God's green earth, and a lifestyle in itself.

For Alyssa Stavos, Venice Beach was a new beginning. Or well, more like a walk of shame, back to a life she left behind several years ago. A life she left without looking back, and without giving notice. She just left, dissapeared overnight. And back then, she thought that was the best descition she ever made. But that was back then, way back then.

Life hadn't exactly been like Alyssa had planned, and wether she wanted to or not, she was back in Venice. Back to the fighting scene, back to stitchin' fighters up, back to deal with addiction, anger, remorse, head injuries and weighins. Back in a world of masculinity, strong language, anger issues, family drama and most importaintly, back in Navy St. And back where Alvey was. He didn't know yet of course, but it was just a matter of time until that bliss also would fly out the window.

Alyssa sort of grew up in the MMA life. Her father Alexander Stavos used to be a famous MMA fighter, when he was still alive. And it was through him that Alyssa got intorduced to the world of fighting. It was the world of fighting that pushed her to study medicine, so she could be a part of the team around her dad when he was fighting. Due to her dad's merrits, she quickly made a name for herself in the business, which in turn led her to Alvey Kulina and his world. He was King Kulina back then. A world renown fighter, with several medals and trophies attached to his name. Back when they first met, Alvey was like a God to her. A renown fighter who wanted her on his team. And Alvey was a good fighter, he probably still was. But his carreer took a big hit, and that brought with it a whole avalance of messed up things, that all happened at once. Alyssa thought she pulled out before her name was too tainted with Alvey's mistakes. But as it turned out, the name King Kulina wasn't what it used to be. And getting a job, a real job, after being a part of the Kulina scene when it crumbled wasn't as easy as it sounded.

Alyssa discards her empty paper cup in a trashcan, before walking over to Muscle Beach. She needed a morning work out before she entered the Lion's den. Of course the job came with free workouts at Navy St. But she wasn't going there now. Not before Alvey gets to know she's back.

As she gets ready for her morning workout, she can't help but notice some guys looking at her from the other side of the street, talking to each other. By the look on their faces it's either unpure or unfriendly thoughts they have about her. Maybe both. It's not like she's not used to this. In her line of work, this kind of thing was sort of in the job description. But in some weird way, these particular guys felt threatening. She could probably kick their asses from here to the end of the universe. But even if she could fight, it wasn't like she wanted to, at least not all the time. And definetly not now. Maybe Navy St. is a better place to work out after all.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Alvey leans back in the yellow couch in his office. Another fuckin' fork in the god damn road. Jay was still in denial about having a drug problem, and wasn't fit to fight at all. Maybe in some ways Jay was in physical shape to fight. But mentally he was lost in whatever drug cloud he was in these days. Nate was mentally 100% ready for a fight, but he had taken a beating a while back, and none of the 20 or so doctors they had spoken to wanted to clear him for the cage yet. And Ryan, well as much as he could fight, and he'd probably do fairly good too. There was something inside Alvey that held back. His relationship with Ryan wasn't exactly paved with honesty and good intentions, but the two men did their best to make it work. For the business they said. But still, Alvey really didn't want Ryan the Destroyer steal his thunder. He'd be much more comfortable if another Kulina, such as Jay or Nate could carry the torch after him. But given the current situation, that seemed impossible. He was so desperate that he had called Lisa, his ex, a couple of weeks ago and asked if she knew any medics that would maybe look away from Nate's condition, and let him fight regardless.

To call Lisa, after everything that had happen between them, was hard to do. But Alvey felt he was out of options. It was now 14 days ago, and he still hadn't heard a word. Maybe he should just let Ryan fight. Swallow his ego, and let Ryan have the spotlight on him. Wheeler The Destroyer? King Kulina? He definetly liked the sound of King better.

Fuck, he needs to get out of here. He thinks for himself, dragging his hand over his face before he gets up. Just sitting here, waiting for that phone call from Lisa is not a good use of his time. Stupid, fucking Lisa. Although he couldn't entirely blame everything on her, she sure played a big part in what happened. Fuck!

As he steps out from his office and into the gym he's met by the familiar smell of sweat, energy drinks and wet towels.

"Dad!" Someone yells. The voice is almost drowned by the sound of ropes hitting the floor, people sparring in the cage and other familiar sounds of people working out.

Alvey doesn't react to the voice. Making a mental note that they shound get better air conditioning in here, he contiues through the gym.

"Dad!" The voice yells again. Alvey picks up his pace. He's not in the mood for any questions right now. Not about doctors or fighting or Lisa or anything else. "Alvey!" The voice presists.

"WHAT?" Alvey hisses out as he stops and turns around.

Nate, his youngest son is on his way over to him. Alvey folds his arms over his chest. Perfect. He loves both his boys, both Nate and Jay. After their mom took off left them alone, he had raised them as best he could. Constantly being reminded that they needed a female role model in their lives. It was just that King Kulina wasn't good at holding on to anything other than boxing gloves and diets.

"Did Lisa call back? Did we get a medic?" Nate asks, there's a hope in his voice. And Alvey hates to let him down. These days he felt that's all he did. Let people down.

"No, Nate. No doctor. I'm still waiting for a phone call. If she's ever going to call back," he sighs in return. Then he turns and leaves. "Shooting range," he hollers over his shoulder to Shelby in the reception before he walks out the door.

"Does he know anything?" Jay asks his younger brother as he tosses a water bottle his way. Watching as his brother catches the bottle, and takes a sip.

"Nope, not a damn thing," he replies. Then they just stand there together, looking at the enterance to the gym. Like the salvation is about to come through there any second.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Alyssa looks up at the big sign outside the gym. Navy St. Mixed Martial Arts, Venice, Ca. A mix of nervousness and exitement fills her body, and without realizing it, she clench her fists. Lowering her gaze to the enterance. Navy St. Enterance can be seen above the door. What is she even doing here? Maybe she shouldn't have agreed to this at all.

When Lisa had called her, about 14 days ago, she was shocked. Given the troubled relationship she had with Lisa, it was the last person she ever expected to get a phone call from. Although half of it were Alvey's fault, Lisa wasn't as innocent as she tended to portray herself to be. The whole thing was kinda ironic in a way. Her relationship with Alvey ended the same way it had started, with infidelity. If she could call it that at all. Neither she or Alvey had said that they were exclusive, and she already knew how he was, and what he tended to do. Alvey was never the best at keeping girls. Probably why he and Lisa also broke up, but Alyssa never asked Lisa why. Wasn't her business anyway. But she said yes to help out as a medic. Mostly for Nate, she had said. And that was true in a way. At least it wasn't a total lie. But she would never admit to Lisa that she missed Alvey. Missed how he made her feel free and strong. Because Alvey did take her under his wings, protected her, kept her safe, helped her. But when Alvey crumbled, everything else also crumbled around him, including her. And then, Alvey found solace in Lisa. And Alyssa... Well, she left. She left everything behind six years ago, without a word. Including 19 year old Nate and 21 year old Jay. Leaving Alvey was hard enough, but leaving Jay and Nate; that was almost unbearable. They already been left once, and then she left as well. Probably not the best choice she made, but she did talk to them already, and they seemed to be okay about her coming back. Alvey however; that would be a different story.

Walking into the gym's reception area, she's immidiatly greeted by Shelby.

"Ally, you look amazing girl," Shelby states, followed by a warm hug.

"You too, Shelby, you too." She replies, hugging the blonde back. "He's not here is he?" She continues. She knows she have to face him sooner or later, but she kinda hopes it'll be later.

"Who, Alvey?" The blonde replies as they break the hug. "He's at the shooting range. But Nate and Jay are here," she continues.

"Shooting range, huh?" Alyssa almost laughs. "Shocker," she continues in an almost condecending tone. Alvey and his guns. Typical, whenever Alvey had trouble he either went in the cage or to the shooting range. She silently thanks the universe that he chose the shooting today. She hasn't seen or heard from Alvey for six years, and she basically don't know him anymore. But if there's one thing she knows; it's that Alvey won't be as welcoming as Shelby.

"You think I should go see him, don't you?" Alyssa tries to not sound nervous, annoyed or anything like that. But, she's unsure if she actually managed to.

Shelby tilts her head, and sends Her an apologetic look. "He'll be pissed either way Ally, but it might be smart to give him an extra day to be pissed, before he shows up for work tomorrow," she informs with a shrug.

"Yeah..." Alyssa breathes out, biting her lower lip. "I get that things haven't exactly been running smooth lately," she continues, drumming her fingertips on the reception desk.

"Just show your face to him, Ally," Shelby begs with both the words and her face. "It'll make it easier," she continues with another shrug.

"For me or for you?" Ally replies, accompanied by a smile to show Shelby that the comment wasn't meant as bad as it sounded.

Shelby points to the roof, and makes a circle in the air. "For this place," she informs.

Alyssa lets out an exasperating sigh, then she tosses her hands up. "You are annoyingly right, you know that?" She tells Shelby, before she tosses her bag over her shoulder, and moves towards the exit.

"Always," she gets in response, followed by a "good luck," as she exits the reception.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Alyssa takes a good long look at herself in the mirror. Her thick dark locks framing her face. The mascara and eyeliner she just applied makes the intricate pattern of green in between the brown in her eyes pop. She's usually not the biggest make up user. But in some weird way, she wanted to look good when she saw him. And when he sees her. Not that she should care at all. Her relationship with Alvey ended six years ago, and not exactly in a friendly way.

She takes a deep breath, close her eyes. Remembering how it was to be with Alvey. How his breath felt on her skin. How his lips and tongue felt, when he opened his mouth, before closing it around her most sensitive spots. How he entered her, filled her up, fucked her. How he growled in her ear as he came. There was no doubt that what she and Alvey had was hot and heavy, and not at all a secret. Everybody around them knew. And back then; that made Alyssa feel powerful. To get to be with the infamous King Kulina, that was every girls dream back then, and she got to live it. But it came with a price, a price and a hard fall. She feels shivers down her spine just by thinking about it. "Fuck you, Alvey," she says to her reflection before she leaves the bathroom, and walks out to the shooting range.

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A round of automatic rounds reaches Alyssa's ears, followed by a happy "aaaahhh", and laughter. She crosses her arms over her chest as she moves closer. God damnit, what should she say to him? Should she say anything at all? Maybe just showing her face will do the trick. He did call Lisa for help. Or did he? Lisa could have lied to her. She could have. Or she could've lied to him. God knows she did that already.

Alyssa looks down her attire. Skinny jeans, ankle boots and a black t-shirt. Her style hasn't changed much over the years. When she takes another look at Alvey's back, she can confirm that neither has his. Army pants and a dark sweatshirt. Definetly Alvey, maybe a bit older, but his pants still fits his behind perfectly, and his shoulders are still as broad as she remembers them. You're not having sex with Alvey again, she thinks to herself. You're not, she repeats. Shaking her head as to shake the thoughts out. Do not have sex with him, Alyssa. You know what's going to happen. You don't want that again. "You really don't," she whispers.

"Is is weird that I want to fuck this gun?" Alvey's voice. Still as firm, determined and rough as she remembers it. It does something to her, something that makes her repeat in her head that she's not going to have sex with him again. But, if she's completely honest with herself, she's not sure if it's to convince herself that she shouldn't do it, or if she actually won't do it.

"Nah, it won't fit," she can hear her voice saying it, but her mind isn't totally there. Perfect Alyssa. She thinks. That was the absolute best way to get his attention, make fun of his dick. Like that will help at all. "Up your ass maybe, but I kinda have a feeling that's not what you meant," she continues, while her brain screams 'stop talking, Alyssa. For God's sake, just stop!'

Alvey turns around, slowly. Then he stops and just looks at her. Oh for fuck's sake. He thinks for himself. Fuckin' Alyssa Stavos. Just as stunning as she alwas was. What the fuck is she doing here. "The fuck are you doing here?" He hisses.

She shrugs in return, raising her eyebrows. "Just saying hi," she replies.

Alvey huffs. "You came all the way out here, just to say fuckin' hi?" He spits out. Did he like her still? Alyssa was undoubtably the only woman he ever met who could deal with him, who dared to fight him, discuss with him, be mad at him. Did Lisa call her? No, Lisa wouldn't have called Alyssa, after everything that had happened between them, she would not have called her. Do not start, Alvey. You don't have feelings. At least not for her.

"Oh, go fuck yourself, Alvey!" Alyssa spits out, before she turns and leaves. He'll figure everything out tomorrow anyway. And he deserves that punch in the face. Fuck him, fuck this. She should've never agreed to this, ever. But it was too late to turn back now. Way too late.

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Alyssa looks at herself in the mirror as she applies her mascara. Her red toothbrush held in place between her teeth. Today is the day. Her first day back in Navy St. She had already signed the contract, so Alvey couldn't fire her. He would try, but it couldn't be done. She felt safe in that department. Previous sexual relations wasn't the best reason for fiering people. Alvey knew that too, but he'd be mad. She tried to tell herself that she wouldn't care about that. But deep down, she really did wish he would be okay with her coming back. Not because of the sex or anything, even if it was the best she'd ever had. No, she wanted them to be friends for once. And handle arguments with something other than dirty fucking. It had been six years, she'd grown. Maybe Alvey had too. One could only hope.

Alvey puts his thoothbrush back and spits in the sink, then he looks at his teeth in the mirror. What the fuck was Alyssa doing in Venice? She wouldn't come and just say hi if it wasn't something special. At least he didn't think so. Given what had happened between them, he didn't even understand why she came to say hi. Sure, he wasn't the easiest person to be around back then, and he did tecnically cheat on her with Lisa. If you could call it cheating. What he once had with Alyssa wasn't a real relationship. They didn't even live together, not like he did with Lisa. For the past six years he thought Alyssa hated him. So why was she here now? Lisa couldn't possibly have called her for help. Alyssa and Lisa hated each other. Even before he had started things with Lisa, the two of them hadn't had the best relationship. Lisa would never had called Alyssa. And if she had, it would be more to get back at him than to help him. Fuck!

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"Morning, Shelby," Alyssa greets the blonde as she enters the gym. "I'll wait for Alvey in his office," she adds as she keeps walking towards the office with fast firm footsteps.

"You'll need-," Shelby hollers, but stops mid sentence when Alyssa lifts up a keychain. "I see Lisa fixed it all," Shelby states for herself, as she goes back to folding up t-shirts.

Alyssa takes a deep breath as she locks the door behind her. She's not completely sure why she locked the door behind her. Maybe it felt safer, or maybe it was to piss Alvey off. Either way, that was the choice she took. She's here now, no matter what he thinks. But she still has no fucking clue what to say to him.

Four steps from the door over to Alvey's desk. She takes another deep breath as she pulls some papers out from her bag, and places them on the desk. Then she walks over to the couch, and sinks down in it. "You're welcome, Lisa," she mutters for herself, as she once again contemplates why she decided to say yes to this. For Nate and Jay? For Alvey? For Lisa? For herself?

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"Fuck," Alvey mutters as he unlocks the door to his office. He slept like shit, this morning was shit, Jay is probably shitfaced somewhere, everything is shit. He can't wait to close his office door behind him and get some peace, at least until Wheeler shows up. He still has a few pounds to go, and Alvey had a diet and an exercise-plan set up for him.

"Hi," he hears, as he locks the door behind him. The voice is familiar, too familiar. Fuck. Can't she just leave him the fuck alone? The shooting range was one thing, that place was open to the public. But this was his gym, his office. How the hell did she even get in?

"What the motherfucking fuck are you doing here, Alyssa?" He spits the words out. Fucking Alyssa. She should know better than to show up here.

"I work here," she casually replies. Shrugging at his firm steely stare. She does work here, and she wasn't going to let Alvey mess that up. Well, he couldn't mess it up, but he didn't know that yet. And she knew it would all blow up once he sat down and actually read over the papers she left on his desk. The arrangement Lisa had set up for her was rock solid. No force within Navy St. could kick her out. Both Jay and Nate knew already, and they were both onboard with it. They even helped find the loophole they jumped through for the contract to be valid.

"The hell you are," He huffs. "This is my gym, and I decide who works here or not," he continues, still looking at her with that steely stare.

Alyssa shrugs at him, he can say what he needs to say right now. In a couple of minutes he'll know he lost anyway. "Well, Alvey," she raises her eyebrows. "I'm going to work, you can do whatever the fuck you want about that," she continues as she opens the door and continues out into the gym.

"What the fuck do you mean 'going to work'?" Alvey follows her, and slams the door to his office shut. "Didn't you hear what I said? You. Don't. Work. Here," he continues.

Alyssa takes a deep breath, forcing herself not to tell him everything. She turns around and takes another deep breath, before she walks over to him. "Listen, jerkoff. I-," she's cut off by the snap of a chain, a startled half scream followed by a loud bang.

Both Alvey and Alyssa whirles around, along with every single other person in the gym. Alvey places his hands on his hips, looks up at the chain which used to hold the 110 pounds punching bag, now snapped in the middle, and the bag on the floor.

"Fuck, Wheeler. You trying to wreck my gym?" Alvey sounds a bit angry. But Alyssa knows that he's more annoyed. She follows him, as he walks over to the bag on the floor.

"Looks like a worn chain," she states, holding up the chain for Alvey to see.

"Still here I see," he replies. This'll just be one of those days. Fuck this.

"Like I told you. I work here," she calmly brush off his statement. The she looks up at the guy who was punching the bag off the chains.

She recognize him right away. Semi blonde hair, strong facial features, a strong yet lean body, and 'DESTROYER' tattooed across his chest. Ryan Wheeler. He hadn't changed much over the past six years. "Ryan?" Her voice carried a bit of surprise.

"Hi, Ally," Ryan smiles. "I'd shake your hand, but I think I should keep my hand here," he continues, gesturing with his eye to his hand, firmly placed above his left eye. "The chain hit me," he adds.

"Allright, come over here. I'll look at it," she replies. "Just look up, and I'll guide you over to the wall there," she continues, taking Ryans hand, and helping him over to the bench.

Alvey grabs her wrist. "What are you doing?" He asks, still annoyed.

She yanks her arm back. "My job!" She replies, continuing to walk towards the bench.

"You don't have a fucking job," Alvey continues. But she's not giving him any reaction.

After she sits Ryan down, she takes off her jacket tossing it to the side. "Let me see," she instructs.

Ryan removes his hand. Trying not to look at Alvey, who's still hovering over them. Ryan can't see if he's jealous or angry because Alyssa is back. But given the history the two have, it could be both. "Is it bad? Can I still fight?" Ryan asks. Fighting is all he is, and if he has to bench this next fight, it'll be even harder to get Alvey to set him up for one of the big fights.

"It's nothing, Ryan. Nothing. Doesn't even need stiches. It'll bruise though," she informs him, as she picks up what she needs from her medical bag. "But given what you do, I guess you're used to that," she continues, as she starts to clean the cut over his eye.

Ryan looks down, trying not to look at her clevage. That's almost an impossible task. Alyssa was always a beautiful woman. Both inside and outside. Why Alvey did what he did, Ryan'll never understand. But, then again. Alvey was a complexed guy. And his mistakes could make it easier for Ryan to make a move. If he dared to.

Alvey's still hovering over Ryan and Alyssa. That Ryan checks out her clevage is no surprise, but that she is so fucking stupid that she still doesn't understand that he can't have her working for him again, that's a surprise. "Take a long hard look, Wheeler. She won't be here tomorrow," he informs them both.

He gets no reaction from Alyssa, and Ryan sits absolutely still, so Alyssa can do her job. "What are you going to do, Alvey? Fire me?" She suddenly asks, not looking at him at all.

Her casual response to all of this make Alvey's blood boil. Who the fuck does she think she is? "I don't have to fucking fire you. I didn't hire you. You can't just walk in here and expect to have a job," he want's to yell at her. She has no fucking business coming here and fuck up his life, his consentration. Fuck.

"You should read over the papers I left on your desk. You can't fire me," she shrugs back. She takes a quick glance up at Nate who's standing on the other side of her. He already knows, and in some weird way, she wants his approval once more. Alvey hates the fact that she's back, and she can live with that. But if Nate or Jay or both of them doesn't approve, it'll make her staying so much harder. She signed that contract, so she can't back out either. Hopefully Alvey will come around.

"What papers?" His voice over her head again. It pisses her off. If she wasn't closing up Ryan's wound, she's pretty sure she would have put her fist into the wall right about now.

"The papers, Alvey! On your desk. Take a fucking look, and stop being a baby," her voice might be a bit harder than she intended it to be. But this man seriously pisses her off, in every possible way.

As Alvey slams the door to his office shut, Ryan finally looks up at Alyssa. "What does it say in the papers?" He asks, curious, but he knows he'll probably find out any second.

Alyssa sends him a half smile. "You'll see in a bit," she replies, patting him on the knee. "How many pounds you got left?" She continues, trying to get attention away from Alvey, in his office, reading over the papers. It's about to explode any second now. She knows that.

"Fo-," Ryan starts, but a bang in the wall from Alvey's office cuts him off.

"Fucking bitch!" Alvey yells.

Alyssa smiles again. Here we go, she thinks. "I'm just gonna go back there. No need to take this fight out in the open," she gestures with her hand to the back of the gym, where the showers, the sauna, the kitchen and Alvey's private exercise area is.

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Ryan points in the direction Alyssa went when Alvey comes out of his office. No words are exchanged, but Ryan knows that it'll be loud in just a few seconds. He knows he still has four pounds to go, but right now, he wished he had popcorn. As Alvey's angry footsteps echoes around the gym, Ryan gets up and slowly follows him in a safe distance. He can't help it. But he wants to know what this is about. What Lisa and Alyssa did, that made Alvey totally lose it like this.

"Alyssa!" Alvey's voice echoes through the oversized gym. "Alyssa, don't fuckin' hide from me. We need to talk," he continues as he rips open the door to the changing rooms, before slamming it behind him.

Alyssa leans her back against the wall. "Hey, Alvey," she smiles "What's up?" She continues placing her left foot up against the wall.

"What the fuck is this?" Alvey yells, lifting the papers up in front of her face. "Is this some kind of revenge? You and Lisa teaming up together to avenge me," Alvey's eyes are locked on hers, almost a threatening look.

Alyssa raises her eyebrows as Alvey places an arm on each side of her head. "And what exactly did you think you did, that would lead us to want revenge?" She asks, tilting her head a bit. She was never scared of Alvey. Every single time they fought like this the ended up having sex. Now that would not happen this time.

"Don't play games with me. Lisa gave you her share of the gym," Alveys jaw ticks, and Alyssa halfway expect him to punch a hole in the wall next to her head.

"She didn't give it to me, I bought it," she replies, still calm and collected. She knows that this move won't defuse the situation at all, but it'll help her to have some form of control.

"So you just bought 25% of my gym? For what? Out of the kindness of your heart?" He almost spits the last words out.

"Well, that's not entirely accurate," Alyssa replies. She was sorta thinking about keeping this last part a secret for a bit longer. But Alvey pisses her off more than she thought he would. So fuck it. "I didn't buy 25%," she continues. Then she stops, waiting for Alvey to reply.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Alvey is now all the way up in her face. But she's determined to stay cool. No need to start a fist fight.

"I bought closer to 50%," she informs him, watching as his face morphes from angry to confused. "I bought 25% from Lisa, and 24% from you," she continues. The confusion on Alveys face is priceless, and she can't help butsto find that amusing.

"How the fuck did you do that?" Alvey replies. It's like he's trying to be angry, but Alyssa knows him. And there's a bit of something else in his voice.

"Pro Grip Equipment," she delivers the name with a hint of exitement. "Ergonomic designed exercise equipment for injured fighters," she continues, not taking her eyes away from Alvey. "You took them up on their offer to supply Navy St. with top of the line equipment," Alyssa reaches into her pocket. "To set Navy St. on the map, as an including and safe space for everyone," she delivers Alveys own words back at him, as she hands him her calling card for the business.

"You?" Alvey asks, as he takes the card from her. "You and Lisa," he continues. "Vengeful," he adds.

Alyssa can feel the anger bubbling inside her. "Believe it or not Alvey. But I'm not here for you," she moves closer to his face as she's talking. "And about the whole revenge ting. If I wanted to do that. I'd just go and sleep with Ryan," she continues. She knows that might have been a stupid thing to say, given the situation.

Finally Alvey moves away from her. Instead he points his index finger at her. "This isn't over," he hisses before he walks away.

"You're right. I think this'll be an eventful partnership," she hollers after him. But she's not sure where it'll go from here. It could be good, it could work out okay or it could be a total disaster. Just don't sleep with him, she once again tells herself.

@nekoannie-chan @ladysif8 @the-ero-writer @saiyanprincessswanie @late-to-the-party-81 @here4thefanfics

[minervadashwood]

Daryl Dixon x NB!Reader (afab, plus-size) 🏹 Daryl x Reader x Rick 🛡️

The Cop and the Criminal - Chapter 14

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Series Masterlist |Masterlist | Taglist

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Summary: Merle and Ro/Jesus have a fight. You and Daryl deal with the aftermath. This chapter contains: Some Merle x Jesus time. Implied smut, drug use, men with emotional constipation. Word count: 3K Note: Thanks to the DDC, you know who you are. Also of note, next chapter is almost ready, and it has plenty of you and Daryl, plus some of you and Rick. (at least that's the plan)

Ro was good at reading people, a skill honed from years of bouncing around foster and group homes. He was slow to trust, and slower to love, even his friends. You’d been the most constant person in his life, and somehow he’d let that happen over emails and voice chats. The physical  distance made him more comfortable with opening up. Still, he kept his secrets, even from you.

Fourteen minutes past 1 AM, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He was counting out wads of cash on his coffee table, adding up the night’s profits and deciding what he needed to get for Saturday night.  He kept his circle of clients small and never sold more than a single person should take at a time. Never dealt in the really hard stuff, either. Just weed, uppers, downers, and the occasional acid trip.

He wrote the dollar amount on his notepad and answered the phone. 

“Hey, big guy.” Ro leaned back on his couch, adjusting his pants as the voice of a tipsy redneck spoke into his ear. “Whachu up to, Jay-sus?”  The man drew out the nickname into long syllables. Ro should hate it, he really should.

But he didn’t.

“Just wrapping up for the night. You?”

“I’s out here ‘bout to freeze my damn balls off. Got some of that new strain I was tellin’ ya ‘bout. Down ‘ere waitin’ fer ya.”

“‘Kay.” Ro hung up the phone and ran his hand over his face. How the hell had this become his Friday night routine?

It was, quite frankly, annoying, all this routine. Yet, he still took the elevator down the seven floors to the lobby, let the big guy in, and escorted him back upstairs.

Ro had just locked the door, before quickly turning around to face his guest. Without thought, he grabbed a hold of the redneck’s leather vest, dragging him down for a sloppy, hurried kiss. All the redneck did was chuckle and try to bite Ro’s lip. Then the larger man shoved his way out of Ro’s hold and sauntered through the apartment like he owned the place.

Ro stood in the entryway, listening to the faucet turn on for what seemed like an hour, but was only a few minutes. The redneck appeared again, sans vest and scrubbed clean from the neck up. A few weeks ago Ro complained about the synthetic pheromones, and ever since then, his weekly guest had been washing off the smell before getting down to business.

The big guy swaggered across the room, smelling like Ro’s body wash and leather. The younger man had always preferred other betas to alphas or omegas, regardless of their gender. Omegas were too clingy and alphas too controlling. And while the redneck might be pretending he was an alpha to the world, Ro knew the truth. 

Merle let Jesus make the first move again. It felt real good having this young buck chasing after him, even if it was just once a week for a couple of hours. No one else in the world knew Merle’s secret designation, but here it was all laid out. Merle didn’t have to hide or hem and holler like he would’ve with someone else. Here, he could just be.

Jesus led him to the bedroom, and that’s when Merle stopped pussyfooting and took charge, throwing the lithe man on the bed and climbing on top of him. Jesus had a nice body, firm and flexible. He looked like a damn string bean with all those loose clothes on, but it was clear Jesus took care of himself. Some kay-rah-tay shit Merle didn’t bother remembering the name of.

It made the boy wily as hell, too, but Merle kept up, especially after he’d popped a blue pill and a couple of uppers. He kept up real good.

Later, when they were still undressed and passing a joint back and forth, Merle let his mouth run while pretty-boy pretended to be tired.  That’s how this would go until Merle talked himself down from his high and fell asleep, in all his naked glory. With Jesus spooning him from behind.

He liked how this was working out between the two of them. Like having someone else in the pack almost. Jesus was good at looking out for you when him and Daryl weren’t around, and it’d be fine and dandy if Jesus became part of the pack, too. All official-like. He’d ever be a Dixon, but he could help make the pack strong, especially when you started popping out them pups. He’d need a hand taking care of all them nieces and nephews, especially when you went into heat--when you and Daryl wouldn’t know up from down for 3-5 days every few months.

Yeah, this could be real good.

Much to Merle’s frustration, Jesus wasn’t laying down like a fully satisfied man. Merle knew he’d done his job right; Jesus shouldn’t have a damn thing to complain about. Yet, here he was, sitting up and staring down at Merle, his eyes all squinty and his jaw set.

Not a good look, all told. Jesus was best when he was smirking or coming, and that was a fact.

“Got yer panties in a bunch?” Merle drawled. He offered the joint, but Jesus shook his head.

“I don’t like this.”

Merle shrugged, ignoring the hard knot forming in his belly. “More fer me then.” 

“It’s not the joint, Merle, and you know it.”

“Best say whachu mean, boy.” Merle waved a dismissive hand, his limbs going tense as that familiar rage bubbled to life inside him.

“This.” Jesus gestured between them. “You’re always doing this. Every fucking Friday night. Never asking what I want, just assuming I want it.”

Still riding high from the double dose of amphetamines he’d taken, Merle got himself out of that bed in a flash. “Yer the one all over me, soon as I walk in the door, ya fuckin’ fairy. Can’t keep your damn hands offa me.”

Merle put out the joint on the bedpost and flicked it into Jesus’s face.  “Ya don’ like it? The hell with ya!” 

Merle stormed out of the room, resisting the urge to punch that stupid fuck in his stupid fucking face.

Where the hell did that kid get off, talking to him like that? After all Merle had done for him? Coming over every Friday when Jesus was all lonely and shit. What college kid didn’t party his lights out on Friday night? Not any with good friends. Hell, Merle always found a banging place to light up and move product.  But he’d been calling it a night early, just to drag his ass over to this boring-as-fuck campus and keep Jesus company.

Fuck that. This would be the last Paul Rovia ever laid eyes on Merle Dixon. He wouldn’t give that puny punk the satisfaction.

He stumbled his way down the few flights of stairs to your place and banged on the door until some other college kid down the hall said something about you going away for the weekend with your mate.

The fuck was the world coming to, now? He hadn’t seen his goddamned brother going on six weeks, but you saw him all the time. Now you were probably shacked up with him down at that job of his.

He got himself downstairs and out of the building real fast. That kid in the hallway could’ve already called the cops on him.

Outside, it was raining cats and dogs, and he was pissed off and soaked to the bone when he started up his Triumph.

It was high time to pay his little brother a visit.

A loud pounding on the outside door startled Daryl awake. You were curled up against him, head on his chest. He reached over to his phone, already cursing the impatient tennant on his doorstep.

“What’s wrong?” you mumbled, nestling into his side.

The time on his phone said two AM, and it sure felt like it was. But he didn’t have any calls or messages. Daryl realized it was raining hard, the muffled sound hitting the rooftop and the window at the head of the bed. 

“Daryl?” you murmured.

He opened his mouth to answer you, but then the shouting started. So loud that it carried up to the second floor.

What in Christ’s name was Merle doing here?

“‘S nothin’, Bubbie. Go back to sleep.” To put it mildly, you were not a morning person. It took you a good 15-20 minutes to get close to coherent after waking up. Daryl had woken up with you enough times to know. You hated talking until you’d had your first cup of coffee, but after that you were right as rain.

“You sure?”

“Mmmhmm.” Daryl kissed your forehead and got out from under the covers.  Like you, he was naked as a jaybird, so he found some pants and a t-shirt before making his way downstairs.

He hoped to god none of the tenants were about to make a noise complaint.

He opened the door to see Merle standing there like a drowned rat. Before he could say anything, Merle stomped his way inside and headed up the stairs.

“Took ya long ‘nough. ‘Bout ta break the damn door down, boy,” he huffed.  Merle apparently had no qualms about opening the upstairs door and letting himself into Daryl’s kitchen.

Daryl locked both doors and followed Merle, but he made sure to edge around his brother to stop Merle from getting any deeper into the house.

Merle put his hands on his hips. “So this is yer place, now, is it? Guess’s a’righ’. Coupla them cabinets is crooked.”

Daryl knew for a fact every single one of those cabinets was level, but sometimes there was no pleasing Merle.

“Where's Peanut?” Merle tried to look past Daryl down the hallway.

“Asleep. Like most people at two in the morning.”

Merle chuckled. “Well look at you, fucking Mr. Cleaver or some shit. Shacked up in your cute little house. Forgettin’ all ‘bout me.”

“I dunno what the hell you’re thinkin’ Merle. There’s a damn cop next door, and probably half a pharmacy stuffed in yer pockets.”

“I’m clean. Sold almost everything I had. ‘Cept what I took a bit ago. C’mon, get Peanut up. Let’s have a drink. ‘M thirsty.”

“Ya ain’t stayin’ ‘ere, Merle, I done told ya that!” Daryl shouted. Knowing that his brother was high made this late night visit even worse. He didn’t want you anywhere near Merle’s drug habit.

Merle smiled mirthlessly. “I know you ain’t tryin’ to kick me out, little brother.  Not after all I done fer ya.” Merle cocked his head. His eyes were bulging and frantic, a warning sign Daryl knew all too well.  He took a few long strides until he was standing right in front of Daryl.

Daryl glared at his brother. “What the hell are you on? You can’t be bringin’ that shit ‘ere, Merle!  I gotta put up with it, but Y/N don’t.”

“Ah, so I’m somethin’ ya gotta put up with now? I’m yer kin , Daryl, or did ya ferget tha’ while ya been playin’ house out here with the rich folks?” Merle poked Daryl in the chest, forcing Daryl to back up a few steps.

Daryl stood steadfast in the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest. “I ain’t talkin’ to ya ‘til them pills get outta yer  system.” Merle had an alpha-sized temper when he was sober, but all hopped up on drugs, that rage was unpredictable and dangerous. If he could keep Merle here in the kitchen, give him some of that whiskey Rick brought over, maybe Merle would drink himself to sleep and be gone by morning.

However, his hopes were dashed when he heard the bedroom door open. He listened as you padded your way down the hallway. He looked to see you rubbing your eyes and yawning as you approached.  You wedged yourself in the door way, nudging Daryl to the side so you could see into the kitchen. 

Daryl wished you were a least a little afraid of Merle, just enough for your own good, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

“Hi, Merle,” you said, your voice tired but cheery. “Long time no see.”

Merle’s face broke into a cheshire grin. “Here I was tellin’ Daryl the same thing.”

“You want to come in and sit in the living room? Dry off a bit?”

Daryl’s eyes widened in shock. Like hell Merle was coming any farther into this house.  He grabbed your shoulders and explained quietly.  “Bubbie, ya should go back to bed. Merle--he ain’t got two oars ta row, right now.”

You furrowed your brow, a tense expression he’d never seen before taking over your face. “I don’t even know what that means.”

Daryl sighed. “Jus’ means he ain’t his usual self tonight.”

“That’s all the more reason for him to stay here. If he’s not okay, then he should be here with his pack. What’s wrong with that? He can sleep on the sofa bed. You can’t send him back out into that rainstorm, anyway.” 

Daryl chewed on his lip, looking from you to Merle. Merle was still grinning, but that wildness in his eyes was fading.  Truth be told, Merle had always been gentle with you, much to Daryl’s disbelief. A quick look at Merle’s body language told Daryl his brother had already calmed down a good bit. Taking a deep breath, Daryl gave you a little shove toward the guest bathroom, then mockingly ushered Merle to the living room.

The doorbell rang just as you were handing off a stack of towels to Merle.  

At the sound, Daryl clenched his fists, and hissed, “Fuck,” under his breath.

Apparently, Daryl was quite cranky in the middle of the night.  “I’ll get it!” you announced, bounding out the door and down the stairs before Daryl could stop you.  Once you were down in the main office, you stood on tiptoe and peered out the peephole, just to make sure Leatherface wasn’t on the other side.

To your utter shock, you saw Ro, his long hair dripping wet, and his hands shoved into his pockets.

You scrambled to unlock the door and get your friend inside and out of that frigid, pouring rain.

Once he was inside, you fumbled your way around the dark office, eventually finding a desk lamp and turning it on.

“What happened?” you asked Ro, taking his wrist and leading him to a couple of nearby folding chairs.

Ro shrugged out of his soaked overcoat and sank onto the chair.  Running a hand over his face, he said, “Merle get here alright?”

“Yeah, Merle’s here. Seemed fine to me. He’s upstairs with Daryl.”  You sat down, trying to get Ro to look at you and stop staring at the floor. “Paul, what’s wrong?”

He shrugged, folding in on himself, and then he leaned forward, put his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands.

“He left my place high as a kite. He got on that bike of his, in this storm.  I expected to find him dead in a ditch by the time I caught up to him.”

You squeezed your friend’s shoulder. “I promise you that he’s fine. I saw him myself. He and Daryl were arguing about something. I think Daryl wanted to kick him out.”

Ro sat back in the chair and nodded. “I’ll head out then.” He started putting on his coat.

“You’re not leaving until this rain stops. That’s for sure, Rovia. Daryl has a pullout sofa and enough camping gear for a small army.”

He let out an airy chuckle, and his eyes found yours for the first time. The man looked absolutely terrified, but you had a feeling it had nothing to do with your invitation.

“Soooo,” you said, “Merle was at your place.”

Ro nodded. “We kinda…hooked up the day we all met. And he’s been…uh…visiting me every Friday since then.”

You tried to appear sympathetic, but couldn’t hide your shock.  “You? And Merle?”

“I know…it’s so…stupid.”

“Ro, you don’t even like alphas. Did he do some alpha command on you or something?”

Ro shook his head, making his wet hair swing back and forth. “Merle’s not an alpha. He uses synthetic pheromones.”

“Synthetic pheromones?”

He shrugged. “It’s a beta thing.”

You took a second, trying to wrap your head around everything Ro was telling you.  You sighed. “Let me get this straight. Merle is a beta, pretending to be an alpha, and doing it so well that he’s fooled his own brother. And you’ve been hooking up with him every weekend for over a month?

“This…this just isn’t like you. You’re one and done. No repeat customers. But you and Merle? For over a month?”

“Don’t start with me Y/N. Everything you’re going to say, I’ve told myself a hundred times already. Stupid and careless. Getting wrapped up in all that--” he gestured vaguely at the ceiling. “Thinking with the wrong head.”

“Rovia, that is nothing close to what I want to say to you. And I don’t think that’s really what you should be telling yourself, either.”

He scoffed, tilting his head back and staring at the ceiling.  “What should I be telling myself then?”

“That it’s okay to have feelings, romantic feelings for someone. That maybe it’s time you stop keeping people at arm’s length.” You caught him rolling his eyes, but you powered through. “I know why you do it. We all had to. Wasn’t safe to depend on anyone else. Never knowing if this would be your forever home or just another stop along the way. And then when we were old enough to stop hoping, living in those group homes, fighting for space, for attention, for just about everything.”

Ro sighed. 

“But it’s not like that now. We’ve grown up and stopped wanting the impossible.  Now, if we find something we want, we can have it.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Yeah, Ro, it is.”

Next Chapter

===

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[coochiequeens]

I don't need to convince women on radblr that TRAs hate feminists because we work to safeguard women’s spaces from creepy men. But the media downplays that TRAs hate us for defending spaces with children and minors from creepy men.

By Reduxx Team. November 10, 2023

An Australian politician who shouted down a women’s rights campaigner for speaking out against gender ideology is under investigation amid allegations of child sexual abuse. Johnathan Davis, 31, was one of the only openly-gay politicians in the Australian Capital Territory (ACT).

Davis has been the Member for the Tuggeranong seat of Brindabella, first elected to the ACT Legislative Assembly in 2020 with the ACT Greens Party. According to his political profile, which is still functional on the ACT Greens website as of the writing of this article, he was also the party spokesperson for a number of portfolios, including LGBTQIA+ Affairs, Young People, Family and Domestic Violence, and Drug Harm Reduction.

Davis was known for his vocally pro-“queer” stance, and archived versions of his now-deleted social media profiles show he identified himself as a “queer man” using “he/him” pronouns multiple times over the years.

But the ACT Greens have now referred Davis to police over serious allegations involving two teenage boys, one aged 17 and one aged 15. A complaint about Davis’ sexual conduct with the 15-year-old alleged victim was reportedly brought to the attention of Greens leader Shane Rattenbury on Monday, though some are claiming that party officials had been made aware of Davis’ behavior as long as 4 years ago.

Earlier this year, Davis was involved in the counter-rally against British women’s rights campaigner Kellie-Jay Keen, who had stopped in Canberra as part of her international Let Women Speak Tour. Keen’s rallies, which are iterations of the popular Speakers Corner talks she often hosts in the United Kingdom, seeks to encourage women to speak about how gender ideology has impacted their lives.

During the Canberra rally, Keen’s side was persistently interrupted by hundreds of trans activist protestors, who shouted down speakers and held signs bearing threatening slogans.

At one heated point during the rally, former Greens Senator Abigail Thorpe aggressively rushed Keen while draped in an Aboriginal flag. Thorpe was quickly taken down by Keen’s security, and later claimed she was ‘pulverized’ by police. She also stated that Keen, who she referred to as a “filth being,” should not be allowed to speak on Aboriginal land.

Following news of Davis’ resignation, many women’s rights campaigners took to X (formerly Twitter) to express their lack of surprise.

“That’s exactly what this is about – women asking for basic rights and child safeguarding and these men are using the ‘gender’ movement to discredit us. Their motives are clear – now when are other women going to see it,” one user said.

“I take it ‘guilt by association’ doesn’t apply here then? That all these trans aren’t pedophile too? Or is that just neo-nazis and women’s rallies? Funny how the media works,” another wrote, referring to a separate incident in which those who attended Keen’s Melbourne rally were accused of being “nazis” due to the unrelated appearance of neo-Nazis in the area at the time of her event.

While ACT Greens leader Shane Rattenbury has insisted he has seen no evidence of criminal wrongdoing, he has admitted that the allegations, if proven true, would be legally actionable.

[popentertainment-interviews]

Michael Connelly and Alison Ellwood

Return to Wonderland

by Jay S. Jacobs

Hollywood was a pretty wild place in the early 1980s; a mixture of glitz, glamour and seediness, aging stars and young up-and-comers, gorgeous homes and run-down hoods, big business and small-time crime, nature, shopping and lots and lots of drugs.

On July 1, 1981, four people were found violently executed in a house on Wonderland Avenue in the beautiful Laurel Canyon section of LA. This mystery has long fascinated Angelinos and true-crime buffs. Barbara Richardson, Ron Launius, Joy Miller and Billy DeVerell were killed in the home invasion, with Lanius’ wife Susan Launius surviving with serious injuries.

While since early on the responsibility for the crimes has been attached to LA nightclub owner and gangster Eddie Nash as retribution to Ron Lanius and DeVerell taking part in a robbery of Nash’s home, no one has ever been successfully charged with the murders. However, the events had tendrils which reached way out into Hollywood, ensnaring porn star John Holmes and Vegas icon Liberace, and even lightly brushing upon such 1980s superstars as John Belushi, Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson.

The Liberace, Belushi, Pryor and Jackson connections mostly came through witness Scott Thorson, Liberace’s former companion (he wrote the book Behind the Candelabra) turned drug dealer. Thorson is an infamously unreliable storyteller (he is referred to as an “enigma” in the series), however, it seems that he has mostly told the truth about the goings-on at Wonderland.  

Crime novelist Michael Connelly (the Harry Bosch books and The Lincoln Lawyer) has long had a fascination with the case, going back to his days as a crime reporter at The Los Angeles Times. He also lived right around the corner from the crime scene for much of the 1990s. His fascination led to his 2021 podcast on the crime, “The Wonderland Murders & the Secret History of Hollywood.” The podcast was such a success that it has been turned into a TV series to stream on MGM+.

A few years after we spoke with the novelist about the podcast, we checked back in with Connelly and series director Alison Ellwood to discuss the TV series version of The Wonderland Massacre & the Secret History of Hollywood.

Michael, you did a podcast on the case a few years ago. Why did the two of you think that it would make for an intriguing TV series?

Michael Connelly: I thought there'd be some pretty good archival stuff. I had some of that, but obviously I only had the audio of it for the podcast. I didn't know the wealth of stuff that Alison would find, going all the way back to Eddie Nash being on TV. That was something I was hoping for. That would be a reason to go from podcast to documentary. That idea, or that hope, paid off in much bigger ways than I even expected. I think that's a really big part of what keeps this series compelling.

Alison, what was it that interested you about making this a series?

Alison Ellwood: I had just finished doing the Laurel Canyon music series, and that was this beautiful place with these musicians and all this amazing music. By the time this story happens, it's like the negative image of what had become of this place: houses with artists creating music could become dens of drug thieves. That noirish turn in a place was what compelled me about it, plus getting to work with Michael. I'm a big fan of his books.

Scott Thorson died a couple weeks ago. He was a huge part of the show, and the series is dedicated to him. However, you always referred to him as “an enigma” and “an unreliable narrator.” He has told many stories of the Wonderland Massacre, and many seem to check out, but you never know for sure with him. He even said in your last interview that he was working on a book on the case, which will probably never see the light of day. How much of the story do you think he took to the grave with him, or do you think he shared most of what he knew?

Michael Connelly: I think he shared probably 90% of it, but he always inferred – we didn't put this in podcast or the show – he always inferred that if push came to shove, he would name other people that were there that night. That were dispatched to Wonderland to exact Eddie Nash's revenge. He was scared of these people, and said they were still alive. Whether that was baiting or exaggeration, I don't really know, but I'm pretty sure he took some stuff with him, and I don't think we'll ever be able to dig that out.

Alison Ellwood: I don't think he could know for sure, too. He said he suspected who met them at the house, but he didn't personally witness that.

A lot of other people also have gone to the grave since, people like Johnny Holmes and Greg Iles. Why do you think that Eddie Nash had that kind of effect on people that they were just so afraid to talk, no matter what happened?

Alison Ellwood: Well, look at what he did at Wonderland. I mean, it was brutal. They were terrified of it. They were all addicted to drugs too. He had that hold over them as well.

Michael Connelly: Yeah, it was money and drugs. It was obviously a key way of controlling people. And indications are that he had tentacles into power structures in Los Angeles, through payoffs and bribes and things like that. So, whether he really had it as wired as it appeared is one thing, but if people of that time believed it, they were going to stay in line. I think over the years that what happened at Wonderland served him well as being the scary figure that you don't cross.

The killings are in this weird netherworld of crime because it's officially still an open case after all these years, although everyone pretty much agrees they know the who, the why and what happened. Eddie Nash did end up spending a little time in jail on RICOH charges, but not nearly as much as he probably should have for what he did. Do you think that the fact that justice was never quite served makes this story even more interesting and more sordid?

Alison Ellwood: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you can see it in the detectives, the frustration and frankly, anger. They feel they had it. They had all the pieces. Everything was in place, and just one thing after another, the rug would get pulled out from under them.

Michael Connelly: That's my connection to the case, because I spend a lot of time with detectives to inspire and research the books I write. All the detectives in this story I've known for a while, long before I decided to do a podcast or a documentary series. This is the one that really sticks with them. As you say, it's unrequited justice. Sometimes some people were brought before the courts, publicly and so forth, but at the end of the day, X number of people went in that house and brutally killed four people. Every person that went in there, no matter how many it was – whether there was two, three or four – none of them served any time for what they did. That's why it's still open. Probably will always be open. You never know, this documentary series could spawn something, but at the end of the day, it's a story of unrequited justice, and that makes it pretty interesting.

As a novelist, you say in the series, you couldn’t get away with writing many of the things which happen in real life. What are some of the things that really happened here that if you were writing fiction, you would feel you could never get away with?

Michael Connelly: Just the idea of this guy who was appearing on Las Vegas stages with Liberace becomes at the center of this drug kingdom. Just the idea that a guy that's delivered to witness protection ends up on The 700 Club as a TV evangelist. Put that in a book and see what your editor says. I love the little story about how they were ahead of the wave of law enforcement with crack cocaine, where Thorson got pulled over, they found a baseball sized ball of crack, and the cops didn't even know what it was. They just tossed it on the hood of the car and then let him go about his way when he said it was a toy that his brother's kid used, or something like that. Just little things that have the ring of truth to them because they are outrageous. “When you write a crime novel, you have to be more real than real,” is one of the things that my editor told me once a long time ago. I would always seed my books with little anecdotes that I know are true, but they just seemed unbelievable. This case is full of them.

Alison Ellwood: Yeah, and Scott's claims just become more and more fantastical as it goes on. But they actually proved to be vetted out, so….

Alison as a filmmaker, was it fun and/or difficult to track down and go through all the footage of not just the case, but basically the United States in the 80s and Hollywood in the 80s and everything that was going on there?

Alison Ellwood: Yeah. We had researchers working constantly, bringing in material all the time and finding new things. One of the best things we found was [footage of] Scott after he'd been shot in Jacksonville. I mean, who knew that existed? That was crazy that we got that. That was like another point in telling of the story. It was just covered by local news. I guess he was still famous enough as being attached to Liberace, that they covered it as a local thing, but we never knew that existed. It was constant, bringing stuff in, even up until the very last minute.

Michael Connelly: The archival stuff that we were able to get, that Alison was able to get, really are the reasons to take it from podcast to visual storytelling. You can have, as I did in the podcast, Scott talk about knowing these people like Michael Jackson, but I've already said he's an unreliable narrator. In the documentary, we have a slew of photos of him with Michael Jackson, so it's confirmed. The documentary confirms a lot of the podcast that you can't just confirm with audio storytelling.

Just on a more basic level, why do you think that true crime stories make for such interesting television?

Michael Connelly: From my standpoint, it's because you're talking about the 2% of the world that gets involved in these things. It's almost like science fiction or something. You're taking someone into a world that they don't understand. When I do book tours, I usually say, “How many here have solved a murder?” and no one raises their hand. But they love reading books about solving murders, because it's an alien world and it's fascinating, and the stakes are always high. So, I think that does translate to this… I guess it's a vogue, or maybe it's always been that way… but that true crime is something that so many people are interested in.

Alison Ellwood: I personally prefer reading true crime to watching true crime because it's too scary. (laughs)

Michael Connelly: It helps when you have a story that extends the genre or takes it to a point where it has some resonance. The social history involved in this and the start of the crack epidemic, and the tendrils of this story that go into the underworld of Hollywood and the overworld of Hollywood. All that adds to it, I think, and gives you something that's more than a whodunit.

Alison Ellwood: Also, not to be just sensationalized. There's a much deeper story beneath all of this, both about the human beings, and how they got tripped up into all this. Storytelling is what interests me and this was very rich in that respect.

Are there any other Hollywood mysteries, or just mystery stories in general, that you'd like to explore for possible future series?

Alison Ellwood: Yes. (laughs)

Michael Connelly: We've had a good time on this. I enjoyed being a pseudo detective, so Alison and I are and the production company that made this, we're all talking about maybe doing something else.

You've long ago moved past your crime reporting to doing fiction. Was it fun to get your reporter’s cap back on and do all of the interviews and probe into the mystery?

Michael Connelly: Yes, definitely. I mean, I don't think I ever lost that. You're right, I've not done any kind of newspaper writing or anything like that. Even though it's been 25 years or so since I worked at a newspaper, I've always felt, even as I'm writing fiction, that I'm still a journalist at heart. Something happened in the last few years, maybe the craze of podcasts led me back to telling true stories and it's been fun. I don't want this one to be the last story I tell that's true.

You've also been having a hot streak on television right now with Bosch and Bosch: Legacy and The Lincoln Lawyer and now this. Writing books is very solitary work, and TV is much more interactive. You're dealing with people, everyone's putting things together. Are you enjoying all the different directions your TV work is taking in?

Michael Connelly: Yeah, I think it's therapeutic to get out of the isolation of a room where you write books and go into a [TV} writing room or go to a set. It appears that I'm more involved than I really am. What I do is gather people that I can trust with my work and let them do their thing, and then I bask in the glory of it. So, it's not like I'm totally there all the time. I pick my times to show up and to help out if I can, but for the most part, I'm back in that room by myself writing books.

Copyright ©2024 PopEntertainment.com. All rights reserved. Posted: September 8, 2024.

Photos © 2024. Courtesy of MGM+. All rights reserved.

Except for Photo 2 © 2024 Jay S. Jacobs. All rights reserved.

[frasermints]

i told my friend i was going to keep track of how i felt when starting auvelity since she's been on ketamine for a year and is thinking about switching so i think i'm just gonna make a tag

i just took my first dose. literally two minutes ago. i told myself i wasn't gonna google anything or read the insert, because i always do that and i always psych myself out or invent side effects that aren't there. i did both anyway. i found a positive study and sent it to my med student friend, and i read the insert to make sure i could take it with/out food.

apparently, it causes birth defects. severe birth defects. there is a registry of people that are on auvelity to ensure that you don't have children while on it so that the company that produces it can't get sued.

i know that, like, being mentally ill comes with life side effects or whatever. it's expensive to be mentally ill. it takes time out of your day and it fucks with your social life and it gives you a window into a different side of life that a lot of people might not understand. most of my ""normal"" friends don't respond in ways that i deem "acceptable" when i talk about mental illness. i'll talk about trauma or my symptoms or discrimination and they always approach it through a lens of injustice or solutionism when sometimes i really just want validation or empathy.

there is no empathy when it comes to chemicals. i can't have children while on auvelity. that's just a fact. i cannot get pregnant on this drug. this drug that my psychiatrist basically touted as a miracle cure. and listen, i love her, she's a little insane, i consider her a friend that also gives me drugs. but i feel like... i feel like i shouldn't have to choose.

for a long time i didn't want kids. vehemently hated the idea. rejected the notion that i'd ever change my mind. but now i can't see my life without them. maybe it's the mid twenties baby fever, maybe it's the stage the rest of the locals in my age range are at, but holy shit man. jay brain says i needed to be pregnant, like, yesterday. and to know that that's not an option? maybe anymore, maybe forever, maybe not until my reproductive organs are shot to hell?

because no one's 100% sure what testosterone does to the uterus and ovaries. especially not to the "not 100% perisex uterus and ovaries". like, i have fucked up anatomy as it is. my mom wasn't able to get pregnant for seven years after she had me. i've miscarried once already. the amount of unprotected sex i've had in my life shows that i am not an easy target to hit. but it's like... the delusion was nice to live inside of, you know? there are so many seahorse dads out there. SO many dads have given birth. i at least wanted the option ykwim?

anyway. my stomach hurts and i'm tired. gonna edit a little bit more of sincerity is scary and finish the leafs game before i go to bed. we won 7-3 against the rangers at MSG tonight but i'm replaying it anyway since i was at work

[kickmag]

Watch: Hush Over Hollis Trailer & Randy Allen Releases Statement On Jam Master Jay's Murder Trial

It was more than 20 years ago when Jason "Jam Master Jay" Mizell, one-third of the legendary rap trio Run-DMC, was murdered in his Queens, New York recording studio. On Tuesday, February 27, 2024, Karl Jordan Jr. and Ronald Washington were convicted of killing Mizell. Jordan was Mizell's godson and Washington was an old friend. Their motive for the murder was a drug deal that fell through because the supplier did not want to work with Washington. Jam Master Jay's best friend and business partner Randy Allen was in the studio the night Jay was murdered. Allen took the stand and testified that he heard the commotion in the studio but did not see who the killers were before running to the police station. Allen was once looked at as a potential suspect in the murder. In the the trailer, for Hush Over Hollis, he talks about their friendship and the details surrounding the music icon's death. The upcoming documentary will also have first-time interviews from others in the studio that night. Read Allen's statement below.

"These past years from the beginning have taken a great toll on us all. By all I mean everyone who loved Jay and was invested in bringing the right people to justice. Many people have questioned my integrity, my dedication, my movements and my overall loyalty to my friend and his family. Many times I've been portrayed as a hindrance, a thief, a murderer and more. The public was swept away by speculation, limited information, out of context headlines all while I worked diligently behind the scenes towards what we all wanted. I practiced patience while the wheels of justice turned at the pace they needed to, uncontrolled by the fickle masses and their opinions. Opinions formed in the heat of uneducated banter. Opinions formed in the streets while the culprits partied and sat with many of Jay's family and friends while their lies were believed. For years, you cast your gaze upon me with blame and contempt, convinced of my guilt in our friend's demise. This verdict speaks volumes: You were wrong all along and justice finally prevailed."

March 27, 2024, will be the 40th anniversary of Run-DMC's self-titled album. 

[curejiraiya]

Episode 1 of Knick's somewhat nightly OC lore, today's OC is my boy Derrin!

I don't remember his last name, you'll find that a lot of my OC details I either can't remember or have placeholder names that have been placeholders for 10+ years. I don't really need to give them real names unless I was to make some official work or something, so I don't.

Anyway, Derrin is 26, his birthday is June 21st. He's been married to his husband Jay (they took Derrin's last name) for 5 years. Derrin is grayace or somewhere on the ace spectrum I haven't thought too hard about labels because Derrin is the kind of guy who wouldn't want a precise label. He's approximately 5'5 which makes him pretty short, but probably the median height of FIF members.

FIF is the band my OCs are all either in or have their life revolve around. It stands for Funeral in Flames. I made up this band name when I was 12 years old don't laugh. Nowadays I pretty much always call them FIF pronounced like the beginning of Fifth. (This is a lie I called them funeral in flames maybe 5 times while writing this and had to go back and fix it while I'm spell checking, but I cringe at their name. Maybe I'll tell you what it's from someday)

His hair is dark reddish brown and straight, and he keeps it short but not buzzed. He dresses the most formally of all my OCs, think like sweater vests and button downs at all time. Derrin is the only member of FIF to actually finish college, but it took him like 7 years on and off. He has a law degree that he only got this past January, and he finally took the BAR over the summer. (I don't know how law degrees work but however they work assume he did those things.)

Derrin is a first generation American to two Filipino parents. Both his parents died when he was 10 in a car accident and he became an orphan, because all good OCs deserve a tragic backstory. Because of this he regrets not knowing much about his parents culture, despite his parents both speaking Tagalog they did not teach him. They distanced him from their culture so he wouldn't be bullied growing up in America, and he regrets not asking them to teach him about their past because now he just doesn't know.

Derrin got his law degree to help out a charity he helped found that helps first generation American orphans. He started it when he was only 19. It's not only him though and at this point he's more of a speaker and a figurehead then an active worker, but he didn't know that's how it was gonna be when he started his degree like 7 years ago.

Because all my characters need a huge character flaw, his biggest flaw is his multi year battle with alcoholism. He was introduced to drinking at a concert when he was just 15 and unlike the rest of his friends he quickly developed a bad relationship with alcohol and drugs in general. Just recently like within the past month he returned from the third rehab stay of his life, and though he thinks he's finally clean; for the sake of me continuing his story he's probably not. Sorry man.

Derrin also writes a lot of poetry in his free time, one of two FIF members to do so. He currently plays drums or keyboards in the band depending on the song, they switch who's playing what a lot. Most of the songs FIF writes are co-written by Derrin and Chris with the other 5 members giving less but still always some input. Derrin isn't an incredibly strong musician like Chris is, but after doing it for so many years (he joined the band at 14) he's gotten pretty good and knowing what kind of music sells. He's also an amazing lyricist, and within the bands fandom they say anytime their lyrics are poetic and complex Derrin probably wrote them.

I could talk a lot more about the band itself and its history and rise to fame, but maybe another time.

My OCs world has a magic system, but I don't have to explain it right now because Derrin is the only one of my OCs that isn't a magician whatsoever. He helps when they do like "magic tasks" but he's almost always the guy who tells innocent bystanders to get the fuck out of the way, and not anything more.

He did end up being a guide to a lot of non human magical beings (god ill explain them another time too ig, or maybe I'll never post about this again who knows) but it sort of happened by coincidence. A lot of them look up to him though, and when nothing else is going on he'll hold little "learn to be human" classes for the magical guys. He definitely doesn't do any of that alone, but he also serves as a figure head for this because he's the only one in the friend group who's a non magician, and that makes him interesting and weird to all the magical beings.

I hope that paints a small picture of Derrin! He's a good boyo, him and his husband have a really cute relationship dynamic where he's the stereotypical husband and his husband fits the wife role more, but his husband is 5'11 and built. It's cute.

Also out of all my OCs Derrin is one of two that would have a Tumblr, but Derrin is the one who's most tumblr-kin, like the "I unironically said the shoelace thing when I was 16" kinda Tumblr user. You know?

[a-really-big-cat]

Why are you condemning Christ based solely on the actions of Judas? The actions of a single bad priest or bishop do not invalidate the entire Church.

And your assumptiongs are fundamentally flawed. Catholic priests are no more likely to abuse a child than the average male. The perceived rampancy of CSA in the priesthood is due to a combination of reporting biases which skew the apparent rates. The majority of cases of CSA in the clergy took place several decades ago (1960s-80s) and only became public within the past 20 years, placing their presence in the newsfeed within a concentrated period of time. The press (which, in America, has had a historically anti-Catholic bias) also disproportionately focuses on Catholic scandals, generally ignoring similar scandals in other institutions (e.g. public schools, Protestant organizations, Boy Scouts), despite equal or greater rates of CSA. A 2004 report from the U.S. Department of Education indicated that approximately one out of ten (to be precise, 9.6% of the sample) public school students experience some kind of unwanted sexual advance from an educator.

The John Jay Report is the definitive report on the rates of CSA in the Church in the U.S. from 1950 to 2002. The report was made in response to the first major wave of accusations in 2002. The report determined that, during the period from 1950 to 2002, a total of 10,667 individuals had made allegations of child sexual abuse. Of these, the dioceses had been able to identify 6,700 unique accusations against 4,392 clergy over that period in the US, which is about 4% of all 109,694 ordained clergy, i.e., priests or deacons or members of religious orders, active in the USA during the time covered by the study. However, of these 4392 accused, 252 (5.7% of those accused or less than 0.1% of total clergy) were convicted: https://www.bishop-accountability.org/reports/2004_02_27_JohnJay_revised/2004_02_27_John_Jay_Main_Report_Optimized.pdf

The only real scandal of note is the manner in which the Church hierarchy has dealt with abusers; but this is also not malicious. The methods bishops used to handle accusations in the Church back when the number of cases was at its peak are not significantly different from the methods used by the public school system when they mishandled their own cases. If there were occasions of mishandling by bishops or popes, the cause was emphatically not because the Church has any official policy of supporting pedophilia, but always because the best intentions became clouded by subjective personal experience and/or limited information: for example, the background of Pope John Paul II as a clergyman in communist Poland led him to encourage policies of secrecy, because he naturally (though mistakenly and regretfully) assumed almost all accusations to be false, fabricated to damage the image of the Church, as the communists frequently did. This attitude of preserving confidentiality to protect the Church from scandal and to protect the innocent was and in many cases still is entrenched in the Church's administrative culture (JPII was the third longest serving pope in history).

Another reason for the secrecy is because so many of these cases took place 30-60 years ago, when primitive psychology believed that pedophilia could be treated the same way as a drug addiction. Dr. Thomas Plante wrote in 2002:

Most of the cases coming to light today are cases from 20, 30, and even 40 years ago. We did not know much about pedophilia and sexual abuse in general back then. In fact, the vast majority of the research on sexual abuse of minors didn't emerge until the early 1980's. So, it appeared reasonable at the time to treat these men and then return them to their priestly duties. In hindsight, this was a tragic mistake. It has been estimated that 30 years ago about 23% of male psychotherapists have been sexually involved with their clients. Of course this is no longer true today. Thirty years ago we thought that autism was caused by cold and withholding mothers referred to as the "ice box mother." We can't take what we know in 2002 and apply it to problems and decisions made in the 1960's and 1970's.

The Catholic Church has never made the claim that the ordained priesthood innately possess any kind of "greater morality" than the laity. A priest is not inherently a "better" person than a layman. He possesses certain authority and powers of office, and that's it. It is his responsibility, the responsibility of his superior, and the responsibility of those who trained him (the seminaries) to make sure he's qualified for the job. It is and has been a great tragedy throughout history that many priests and bishops lack adequate theological or moral rigour to truly perform their duties responsibly. But in short, priests are held to the same duty of care, more or less, as public school teachers, and as I have already cited, public schools are no less plagued by CSA and systemic "cover-up" culture.

Finally, since when is the Church required to have perfect knowledge and judgement regarding human resources issues? I recall no such dogma in the Bible nor the Catechism. It's like if you asked a random clergyman what stocks to invest in, and then questioning the Church's mission and authority because he gives you bad advice. Why are you expecting him to make a perfect decision? He's only as wise as the average person is going to be regarding such a field. Hence why we say that the Church is not singularly guilty for not knowing more than any other non-expert how to effectively manage a priest who's been accused of CSA. Since the first wave of accusations in the early 2000s, the Church has made many reforms to its HR policies, based on the recommendations of experts, in order to prevent such crimes from occurring again and going for so long without proper investigation and closure. But it's irrational to accuse her of being "useless" or "lacking in moral authority" because she didn't somehow know more than anyone else did about the problem 20+ years ago.

so like why are you still Catholic even tho the Catholic Church verifiably used its resources to cover up many cases of child molestation, and to help known child molesters get away with it? like if I thought an organization had a direct line to God and that they were the arbiter of true morality, and then they did that, it'd prompt some amount of introspection. do you just not care enough about child abuse victims?

I am not Catholic because of priests or bishops or their actions. I am Catholic because it is the Church Jesus founded and where He is truly present Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity in the Eucharist.

There are bad examples of the faith, among which I would place those who harm children, and there are excellent examples of the faith: the saints. I look to the saints for example and I pray for those (especially our leaders in the faith) who choose to live in sin and hurt others.

[hopefulprotect]

continued

@drhannahasher

It was a big ask; a beg even for Hannah to overcome her struggles to come into Med to help me. And honestly thinking back to the call I had the low expectations she’d answer or yet come for my benefit. Hannah made it clear over a year ago when she left Chicago she left us, left me behind. It took the hold of constant rejected calls and unanswered messages to understand to see the bigger picture. She wanted nothing to do with me; she had tossed me aside when she had her relapse. And it stung; I cared I wanted to help her. I believed in her when she thought the worse version of herself. I saw the good in her; and yeah I wanted to keep her off the wagon, I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell for her. I knew she past; the struggles, but I also saw how strong she was. 

Hannah wasn’t how everyone perceived her after the accident; after being seen as a drug addict, after she left town. I believed she’d find what she was searching for. Even if it never included me. I had Jay on my back teasing about the pinning love I lost, as if he had something to say, given the fact he was not so subtle pinning for his partner might I add. Let’s just say our nights of going out for a drink had become quite frequent. But today wasn’t about my feelings, or my lack of covering what i felt for the blonde. It was about Alyssa a friend who I cared for. And her unborn child; her husband was on another table; one Ethan was working to fix, but my priority was in Hannah’s gallery because even if she didn’t want my support in the OR I was going to be in the gallery to oversea the process, I would never forgive myself if I never showed up. I was scared for Alyssa my childhood friend, but I knew the consequences if Hannah had messed up; not that I believed she would. 

Because I knew the female; she had skill, she worked with grace, which was only confirmed as I stood in the gallery. I glanced to the prying eyes of the residents; of interns who only knew of Hannah Asher through the whispers. But I saw Hannah first hand and I wanted to be proud of her. But her last comment stood in my head. “ Reunite you with Alyssa and the baby.” What does that mean? I had rack my mind on it. I was probably coming off as dumb now, but right now I was confused. Did Hannah think Alyssa and I were..? Did she believe I was the dad because of how far I fought for Alyssa? The questions kept looping around in my mind. And honestly I wouldn’t blame the blonde if she assumed. I did fight for Alyssa, I fought to get her the best care. The only OB I trusted to care for her. She was a friend someone I’d always go to bat for. But did I want to be with Alyssa? No of course not. Once a crush but now I was happy with being a doctor, of being the caring surgeon; the one that oversteps on almost every occasion. 

Hand rested on the wall; eyes glued to the scene. Hannah was working against her own OR, she was preparing to close up when it happened. She lost the stats, the baby was at risk, and Alyssa the blood flow was subsiding, I felt the lump that formed in my throat, and I knew the way her own staff spoke to her. No belief at all. I felt the rage, the anger coursing through my body. She was alone; and man it took every fiber in my body not to run down there; not to intervene, because I knew Hannah she was strong and brave, but she also felt the way people saw her. An addict. She probably wanted to run and never turn back. My heart ached for her, but I wanted to respect her boundaries which was me staying far from the OR. So I stayed in the gallery; I held my breath waiting; but by the end of the surgery I felt pride, I let out the exhale of relief i had been holding. She did it; the baby was okay, and Alyssa she was stable, I felt like I might cry over how phenomenal she was. I was proud of her; and that’s why I released my hold of the wall and I turned to leave the gallery. 

Each step I went with ease, as he walked the stairs, until I reached the ground floor. Will had made his way to the scrub room; where he knew he’d find her; as he pushed through the door he paused wanting to admire her handy work, the surgeon she was. 

“ I knew I put my faith in the right person, You did good. I don’t care what any one in that OR says, you showed what you are capable of.” And Will meant each word; as if it was close to his chest.

[deanstead]

Somebody’s Watching

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Request by danipearl16: Request- Jay has a girlfriend that nobody knows about and then they get a case where she’s being stalked and her stalker is killings women that seem to remind him of her and it turns out to be her ex-boyfriend from high school and Jay starts going downhill a little bit because he’s worried about her. Also his girlfriend is more on the younger than his side by 7 years

Word Count: 4,365

Warnings: cursing, mention of sexual assault/misconduct (non-graphic), mention of non-con touching, stalking, minor OC death, mention of injury, angst, fluff

A/N: Please beware of the triggers before you continue reading! I changed some parts to fit into the storyline but I still hope you like what I did with it! I’m pretty excited about this fic so I really really hope yall will like it! It’s my first time writing such a detailed case in so I hope it turned out well? Please hit me up and let me know what you think! Love yall!

---

You looked up from where you were sprawled on the couch, fiddling with your phone. Jay was sitting at the table, a small frown across his face as he pored over case notes.

Jay usually didn’t bring his work home with him but they’d just closed a big case and he had spent a whole week in the district. So instead of spending more time there to finish the paperwork, Jay had opted to bring it home instead.

You smiled to yourself just as Jay looked up. “Sorry babe.” He said, making a little face at the papers strewn across the table.

Chuckling, you climbed off the couch and moved towards him. You stood behind him, looping your arms around his shoulders, resting your chin on his shoulder. “I missed you.” You whispered.

Jay turned slightly, tugging you so that you now landed in his lap.

“Missed you too.” He whispered, smiling as one of his arms snaked around your waist, holding you securely to him, another hand reaching up to cup your cheek. “Sorry I’ve been busy.”

You shook your head, smiling.

You’d been dating for a while but no one else knew. Both of you had agreed to keep it on the down low, partly because of your age difference. Even though you had agreed you’d keep it quiet at least for the first few months, it had been a lot more than that and it had been going so well that you didn’t really want to purposefully invite anyone into this world that Jay and you had created for yourselves. Rather than keeping it a secret, you guys just hadn’t made the effort to tell anyone or publicize it to the world. This also meant that when he was stuck at the district, you didn’t get to see him but on such days, Jay was always mindful about checking in.

“What’s on your mind?” Jay asked.

“Just thinking I’m lucky to have you.” You responded, leaning in to try to give him a hug. Instead, Jay stroked your cheek and pressed his lips to yours. “Now, I really need to finish this.”

You laughed. “Go forth.”

---

Jay had taken a few well-deserved days of furlough, which he had mostly spent curled up with you. You didn’t have any complaints, it had been just what you both needed.

But Intelligence couldn’t catch a break. It was Jay’s first day back and now, he was already walking up to a crime scene.

Jay pushed the yellow crime scene tape upwards, letting Hailey walk through ahead of him before following behind her.

“What do we have?” Jay asked, approaching the spot where Adam and Kim were standing.

Kim turned. “Kate Whitewood, 22, stabbed multiple times.”

“She’s not in the system. No priors, nothing.” Adam added.

“No belongings on her?” Voight asked, looking around.

Adam shook his head. Jay frowned. “There’s barely any blood here.”

Kevin nodded, jogging forward to join them. “This is probably just the dump site. She must have been killed elsewhere.”

Hailey stood from where she had bent to examine the body. “She has defensive wounds on her. Maybe we’ll get lucky and find skin under her fingernails.”

Jay bent forward slightly. “What are those? Marks around her neck? We need to get her to the ME to get the exact cause of death.”

“Kim, bag her hands and get forensics to run a deluxe.” Voight said, as Kim nodded.

“My CI works this street, let me see what I can find out.” Jay said, turning away.

---

“So Kate was last seen at this bar right in town.” Hailey said, walking in and sticking a screenshot onto the board, which showed a camera view of the street outside the bar.

Kate could be seen on the image, her head turned slightly as she waved to someone, a man standing by her side. Hailey tapped the image.

“We can’t find this guy. His face is always turned away from the camera, facial recognition is out.”

Voight nodded. “Jay, have you heard from your CI?”

Jay nodded, resting slightly against Hailey’s desk, his arms crossed in front of him. “My guy says there haven’t been any deals going down. I think we can rule out drugs or gangs. Streets have been quiet ever since that big bust we did last month.”

“It was 28 degrees out last night, ME couldn’t find the exact time of death. But there were signs she was raped, signs of asphyxiation and five penetration wounds from a knife.” Kevin said, opening the file he had gotten from the medical examiner earlier.

Voight turned to Kim. “Who was she?”

Kim sighed. “Kate was a hard worker, she had just started her job as a receptionist at a dentist’s office in South Loop. Dad’s MIA, Mum’s remarried and relocated to New York so she’s living on her own.”

“Have we found who she was with last night?”

Adam nodded. “I’ve gone through her phone. Looks like she was meeting her friend Grace at the club last night.”

“We need to talk to her. I want to know about the last day of Kate’s life. Timeline. Check all sex offenders in the area. Comb her social media. Let’s go.” Voight instructed.

---

Jay knocked on the main door, glancing sideways at Hailey. The door swung open.

“Grace Archer? I’m Detective Upton, this is Detective Halstead, can we come in?” Hailey asked.

She furrowed her brows. “What’s this about?”

“You’re friends with Kate Whitewood?” Hailey asked, without directly answering her question. She nodded and without missing a beat, Hailey continued, “We need to ask you a few questions about last night.”

Grace stepped back to let them in, her face falling as she led them to the sitting room.

“I heard from her parents. The whole thing’s horrible.” Grace whispered, wrapping her hands around herself.

“Can you tell us what you remember?” Jay asked.

Grace looked up. “Kate’s boyfriend had broken up with her a few months ago, so I took her out. She needed to get out again.”

“Were you approached by anyone?” Hailey asked.

“Several.” She answered.

“Anyone that stood out?”

Grace paused, trying to recall. “Kate didn’t even really want to go. She barely looked at the guys… except…”

Hailey sat up a little. “There must have been something about this guy that she left with, something unique. We have a photo of him on the surveillance tape. Flashy?”

Grace nodded, “Yeah, he had this like... attitude… like he was hitting on us but he was making a joke of it at the same time.” She paused. “The last thing she told me was that she had a great time… I shouldn’t have forced her to come out.”

“This isn’t your fault.” Hailey leaned over and patted Grace comfortingly on the arm. “Thanks for talking to us. Please call us if you think of anything else.”

As Jay walked out of Grace’s house with Hailey, he looked at his partner. “This guy’s confident, he’s smooth and it doesn’t look like he knew Kate or Grace.”

---

For the rest of the day, the team had almost combed through the whole of Kate’s whereabouts before she had disappeared and all they had was a big fat nothing.

Jay typed a quick text to you to let you know that he wasn’t going to be able to come over tonight.

You read the text, smiling a little. Jay was busy but it was cute that he always kept you informed. You stopped walking, typing back a reply to tell him it was okay and to do what he had to do, before you kept her phone back into your pocket.

You walked along the street, the same street you walked on every night, frowning a little. You turned around, scanning the street behind you.

You could swear that it was like someone was watching you, or following you. But the street was empty. This wasn’t the first time you had had this feeling - like the little hairs on the back of your neck were standing but you had nothing to back up this feeling you had.

Holding your bag tighter against you, you pushed yourself forward, quickening your footsteps, only letting up as you passed the safety of your apartment building’s front door.

As you passed the threshold of your apartment and closed the door behind you, you pulled out your phone, staring at it for a while. Part of you wanted to call Jay, to hear his voice and have him tell you that you were just tired, imagining things. But the rational part of your brain convinced yourself that everything was okay, reminding you that Jay was so busy and deep in a case, he really shouldn’t have to worry about you.

Ultimately, you put your phone on the counter, chuckling at yourself. Maybe you really were too tired.

---

By the next morning, another body had turned up, not two streets away from the first dump site.

Jay felt an uneasy feeling spread in the pit of his stomach as he stared at the photo of the new victim that was already up on the board. They had a serial killer in Chicago and this guy’s victim type had physical characteristics that were scarily similar to you.

“Jay.” Hailey broke Jay out of his thoughts. “Emma Green, 23, strangulation marks, six stab wounds.”

Jay turned to his partner and nodded. “Did they go to the same club?”

Hailey handed Jay a file. “No, but look at what we picked up on the surveillance camera.” Jay opened the file, studying the photo.

“This is our guy isn’t it?” He pointed at a male figure who was standing next to their second victim, his face still hidden from the camera, wearing a plain cap.

“Hey guys, I might have found a link.” Kim said, walking in. “I checked the employee records and there’s a bartender that works in both clubs and he was on shift on each day our victims went missing. He’s got a prior for aggravated assault and harassment.”

“We’ll take it.” Jay said, grabbing his jacket and heading out of the district.

Hailey fell into step next to him, glancing at him. “Jay, you okay?”

Jay nodded. “Let’s just get this son of a bitch.”

They travelled the rest of the way in silence. Hailey seemed to pick up that this case was affecting Jay differently but she didn’t press further, allowing Jay to lead the way into the closed club.

“Ben Carlton?”

The bartender looked up from where he was, his eyes falling onto the police badge that was hung around Jay’s neck.

In a sudden motion, he ducked out and ran.

“Hey, stop!” Jay yelled, as both he and Hailey launched themselves after him, Hailey shooting out the front door to try to head him off.

“5021 George, I have a suspect fleeing on foot.” Jay called into his radio, sprinting after the bartender.

The bartender barely made it onto the next street before Hailey flung herself at him around the corner, rolling onto the ground as Jay pulled out his gun. “Don’t move!” He yelled, as Hailey pulled the bartender to his feet.

“Let’s go.” Jay snarled.

---

“It wasn’t me!” Ben yelled as he sat in the interrogation room, facing Jay and Hailey.

Jay sighed internally, watching Ben’s reactions and the way he was answering the questions Hailey was shooting at him.

“Those were mistakes, I didn’t do this!” He yelled again.

Jay pushed himself upright, getting up from where he was leaning against the wall and pushing the photos of the victims onto the table. “This. Look at this. We can place these girls at the bars you worked at just before they died.”

“Look.” Ben said, looking up at Jay. “I saw them but they left before I even finished my shift.”

Jay glanced at Hailey. “Who did they leave with?” Hailey asked.

Ben looked from Hailey to Jay. “Look, I don’t know the guy, he’s not a regular. But he’s white, about their age. I noticed him because he headed for them the moment that he walked in. Like he knew they were there.”

Before Jay or Hailey moved, a knock came from the door.

“You guys gotta see this.” Adam said, sticking his head in.

“Sit tight.” Jay said to Ben, following Adam outside, where Kevin was waiting as well.

Kevin handed the file to Jay. “We got another one.” Jay flipped open the file, which told him what he already feared. Another victim, of a physical type that not only matched the first two victims but also you.

Jay looked up. “His cooling off period is getting shorter. We need to get this son of a bitch.”

---

The feeling was getting a little stronger that someone had been watching you.

You glanced over your shoulder but as usual the street was empty. Maybe you needed to stop staying late.

You turned back towards the front. There were sounds of footsteps but you swallowed the lump in your throat, quickening your pace as discreetly as you could.

It definitely felt like someone was following you now. You were almost running by the time you rounded the corner, colliding with someone.

You gave a yelp of surprise.

“Y/N!”

You had collided with Jay.

You let out a breath, spinning around to look over your shoulder.

“What’s going on? You okay?” Jay’s eyes snapped from you to the empty street behind you.

You turned back to look at Jay. Now that he was standing in front of you, it didn’t seem that scary anymore - maybe you had imagined the whole thing.

You shook your head, taking one last glance behind you. “What are you doing here? You finished the case?”

Jay smiled but the smile didn’t really reach his eyes. “Just wanted to check in on you. I have to go back soon.”

You reached for his hand without saying anything and that’s how the both of you walked back to your apartment, your hand clenched securely in his, almost like the both of you had a tight bubble around you.

You could tell Jay’s mind was far away, and it was even more unlike him to come see you in the middle of a case. You knew there was something troubling him but you weren’t one to press. Jay would tell you when he felt he could or he wanted to.

Instead, you just squeezed his hand.

Almost as if you were prying him from his thoughts, Jay looked at you and smiled. He pulled you closer to him, tucking you under his arm.

“You’re okay, right?” You asked, without looking up at him, just as he escorted you to your door.

Jay turned to look at you and nodded. “I will be, once this case is over.” He leaned forward to give you a kiss. “If anything happens, you call me, okay? No matter what.”

You raised an eyebrow but nodded at him, watching him disappear into the elevator before you retreated back into your apartment.

---

Intelligence had been tirelessly chasing down leads but they now had four bodies and Voight was getting pressure to solve this quickly as well. They needed a break in this case and fast.

“Okay, let’s regroup, what do we have so far?” Voight barked.

“All four victims were raped and found with multiple stab wounds. We know he picks up his victims from bars and appears non-threatening enough that his victims are willing to leave with him.” Jay said, getting up.

Hailey headed to the board, frowning. “We dumped their phones but we weren’t able to find any connection between the victims other than their physical type.” Hailey cast a look at Jay, which Voight didn’t miss. “I think he’s working his way up to something.”

“Hey guys?” Kim spoke up as she walked back in, flipping open the file sitting on her desk. “I went back over the first murder to see if we missed anything. Look at this.”

Kim pulled in her chair, zooming into the photo. “This badge here on his jacket, it’s barely visible so we missed it the first few times. I sent it to the lab to see if they could enhance the image and this is what I got.”

Kim clicked and up popped the crest of a high school. “Look, it’s not just a general badge. Look at the year.”

“Okay, that is the crest for Lincoln High. It’s a jacket given to those who graduated that year.” Kevin said, frowning at it.

“I’ll run the list of students who graduated in that year.” Jay barked, heading straight for his desk, his fingers flying across his keyboard.

Cross-checking was the worst job ever but the moment Jay’s eyes landed on your name on the list of graduates, he pulled it together, eliminating the women, men who had moved out of state or country, until finally he only had three names on the list.

“Okay, I have a Steven Miller, Charles Shoemaker and John Marlin.” Jay finally spoke up as everyone looked up. “But only Steven Miller has priors.”

“For harassment, sexual misconduct, and attempted assault. Sarge, this has to be our guy.” Jay looked up at Voight.

“Do we have an LKA?” Voight asked.

“Already on it.” Adam said.

“Go pick him up.” Adam nodded, motioning to Kevin as they headed out.

Something was bugging Jay. Steven Miller. That name was…

Fuck.

Jay pushed back his chair, entering Voight’s office without knocking and closing the door behind him.

“Sarge.”

Voight looked up, frowning a little at the look on Jay’s face. He put down his pen and leaned back in his chair, looking up at Jay.

“I’ve heard Miller’s name before. It was bugging me, but I remember now.”

Voight sat up straighter.

“I’m seeing his ex-girlfriend.” The words slipped past Jay’s lips. “Sarge, everything makes sense now. The physical type, the way he’s building up because his actual target…” Jay trailed off.

You had told Jay about Steven just once. You hadn’t gone into detail but you had told Jay about the short period that you had been together with Steven – his need for control over all aspects of your life, how he had always been a little rough, how he hadn’t taken any form of rejection well, and how you’d ended it the day he struck you.

“Take Hailey.”

Jay was already halfway to the door.

---

You had left early today.

It had been a while since you had done such an early shift but you’d been feeling more and more uneasy while walking home at night and the news coverage on the murders that were happening at the moment didn’t help.

You didn’t need Jay to tell you that you looked exactly like those girls who had been murdered. It was clear as day.

You fiddled with the key in the lock, opening the door.

You felt your heart drop into your stomach as you registered the person standing in front of you. In your house.

“Steven.” You muttered, your voice trembling, barely registering the butt of a gun heading towards your temple before it went dark.

---

Hailey hadn’t said anything but she knew something was off.

“Jay, what’s going on?” She asked. “How do you know this girl’s the target?”

Jay didn’t answer but pressed harder on the accelerator, gripping the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles were white. The ringing tone going off through his bluetooth speaker in the car making him feel even worse.

“Jay.” Hailey said again. “I’m your partner.”

Jay glanced at her now. “She’s my girlfriend.”

Hailey’s eyebrows shot up. “I didn’t even know you were seeing someone.”

Jay let a beat of silence passed. “Miller’s her ex. I should have seen the signs, the physical type, everything, I…”

“Jay. She’ll be fine. Come on.” Hailey reassured him, as he turned his truck onto the familiar street.

“She’s still not answering.” Jay said, through gritted teeth. He’d been trying to call you since he had left the station.

Without hesitation, Jay bounded up the stairs, Hailey right behind him. From down the corridor, Jay could already tell your door was slightly ajar.

“Hang back.” Jay whispered, pulling out his service weapon.

Jay quietly approached the door. “Y/N?” He opened the door with his foot, freezing as his eyes landed on you, sitting in a chair in the middle of the room, your eyes frantic as Steven held a knife to your throat from where he stood behind you.

Jay gritted his teeth, using his foot to slam the door shut, knowing that Hailey would know what to do.

“Step away from her.” Jay growled, pointing his gun directly at Steven.

Steven smiled. “I was wondering when you’d arrive. Put that down.”

Jay grinded his teeth but didn’t move. You felt the cold blade of the knife press against your skin and inhaled sharply.

“Put. It. Down.” Steven repeated.

“Okay, okay.” Jay said, glancing at you before putting his hands above his head, disarming his gun and putting it down onto the floor.

Steven smiled again, tucking a stray hair behind your ear.

“Don’t you fucking touch her.” Jay growled.

“I don’t think you’re in a position to tell me what to do.” Steven answered.

“Jay, I’m sorry.” You whispered.

Jay looked straight at you. “It’s going to be okay. You focus on me, you hear me? I’m right here.”

“We broke up a long time ago, what the hell are you doing?” You asked. You were afraid, hell you were trembling, but this was crazy and you had to help Jay to find a way out of this.

“We wouldn’t be broken up if he hadn’t come between us.” Steven snarled, moving closer towards you, his lips almost touching your ear.

Jay growled. “Leave her alone.”

Steven looked back up at Jay again.

“What, you mean don’t do this?” Steven asked, crushing his lips against yours.

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” Jay yelled. “Is that what you did? How you forced yourself on all the other girls? What do you want, Steven? What are you trying to accomplish?”

“All I wanted was to be with Y/N! But you took her.” He spat.

“So you decided to go on a rampage?” Jay asked. You saw him twitch like he was looking for something so you started talking, as much as it made you want to gag.

“Steven, why didn’t you just talk to me?” You asked, trying to distract him.

“Talk? All you care about is him!” He yelled, lifting the knife and pointing it at Jay.

It happened in a split second.

The moment he lifted the knife, Jay yelled, “Now, Y/N!”

You threw yourself forward, covering your head with your hands as you heard the gunshots go off, just two. You weren’t sure who was shooting but you didn’t move until you heard Jay’s voice again.

“Y/N, it’s okay, it’s over.” Jay whispered.

You looked up, Jay’s face hovering above you.

“Jay…”

Jay nodded, “It’s okay, come here.”

Jay pulled his arms around you.

“He…” Jay shook his head, shielding your view of Steven’s now motionless body. “Don’t look back, come on.”

Jay tried to lead you out of the apartment, barely making it to the main door before his teammates appeared. “Jay!” Kevin called, as he spotted both of you.

Jay nodded. “Thanks.” Kevin nodded, his eyes lingering on the way Jay was holding you close to his side before making way for Jay to lead you back down to the ground floor where the ambulances were waiting.

Jay led you all the way to the waiting paramedics, not even leaving your side to get himself checked.

You weren’t hurt, not really. There was a little open cut from where Steven had pressed the blade a little too hard when he had been agitated but other than that you were fine. Well, that, and that disgusting feeling that came with remembering how Steven had pressed his lips against yours.

Voight approached you and Jay. Jay squeezed your hand. “I’ll be right back.” You smiled and nodded.

Jay and Voight talked in low voices until Voight turned to look at you. “And she’s okay?”

Jay nodded. “Yeah, she is. I just need to…”

“Do what you need to do. We’ll finish up here.” Voight said, nodding and clapping Jay on the back.

---

The paramedics had dressed the wound on the scene before Jay had brought you back to his apartment.

After getting you into a clean change of clothes and some warm food in you, you had ended up back in your favourite place in the world – on Jay’s couch, in Jay’s apartment, encircled in Jay’s arms.

You lay your head on Jay’s chest.

“So this was all because of me?” You asked in a low voice.

Jay sat up, looking at you. “What?”

“He killed all those women… because of me. I got them killed.” You whispered.

“No, no, baby.” Jay propped himself up, but didn’t let you go. “This is not your fault. Steven he… he did this, not you.”

You looked up at him. “He even… in front of you… he…” You could feel tears welling up in your eyes, you felt disgusting. He’d kissed you, he’d done it in front of Jay and he’d ruined everything.

You hadn’t said that much but Jay just tilted your chin upwards and kissed you. “Jay…”

“I’ll take it all away.” Jay whispered. “I’m sorry, I should have been there sooner.”

You shook your head, swiping away the tears that had slid down your cheeks.

Jay cupped your cheek again, pulling you into his chest. You balled your hand around his shirt, gripping at Jay.

“It’s okay, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” Jay whispered.

“I’ll never let anyone touch you ever again.” He half snarled, still caressing you gently.

You leaned into his embrace, closing your eyes as the sound of Jay’s heartbeat gently lulled you back into the feeling of safety and security.

[changetenacity]

Sleep; it barely happened. Erin was a full of jitters; not that she should be scared or nervous to have a conversation with Voight he was like a father to her. Years ago he was the one that saved her. He was the one that helped her find strength, the one that believed she was more than her mother; more than her pathic old habits. Old habits meaning turning to drugs, hanging out with the wrong set of people when she felt small and alone. But this visit wasn’t out of care; it wasn’t long overdo. It wasn’t because I needed a friendly face it was business. Erin loved the FBI but their tenacity; the way they handled suspects she never necessarily agreed with. And yeah based on her one on one conversation with Jay last night he made him his mind about her. She was here for a case; not because she cared. Erin was here for her case; but also because she cared enough to protect her people. 

Her feelings for Jay very present; she never could let him go. His kind eyes; the way he could call her out for her shit. But last night was eyeing opening didn’t matter what I felt for Jay. He made his mind about me; and the mistakes I made; I couldn’t begin to mend the fences. I knew the messages on my phone that morning when I had groggily tossed over in the bed were from my partner at the FBI probably to let me know he was on his way to Chicago with a warrant. And Voight; as expected when my hand reached the phone I barely read the message from my partner instead finger scrolled right down to Voight who said he’d be at the unit first thing, and he was happy to see her.” Swallowing the lump in my throat Erin pushed the sheets off her frame. 

She had did her morning routine; brush of teeth, she pulled her brunette locks into a low ponytail before she changed into a casual outfit jeans and a nice blouse. Professional attitude she told herself. And she grabbed her bag and keycard and made her way to the precinct; the place she went to daily for years and now when she walked inside she felt small; like she was a lone wolf. Luckily because of how early it was; break of dawn it was second shift; so Trudy was no where in sight. I did have to ask the gentlemen to let me up. Using his card the gate opened. Offering a soft smile the female made her way upstairs. 

The desks in line; instantly a flood of memories came to mind. Of sitting in the chairs, of hanging by Jay’s desk or more so Halstead sat at the edge of my desk more times than not. Labels on each desk on display; I barely realized I’d been spotted until I heard Voight. A bright smile as he embraced me into a hug and ushered me inside his office closing the door behind me. 

This office; I felt the knots that formed in my stomach because how do I call him out for his shit? When I respected him. Gulping down the lump I had said the words. “Roy. I know you killed him.” His lips moved in that innocent expression he wore too well. “ Making big accussions now Erin.” I shook my head knowing he was was moving into defense mode. “ I want to help you. The FBI is on your ass Hank. I came here to hear the truth, so I can help you.” Which was true; the female was already stressed. “ He took one of our own. He almost killed Burges.” Licking over my lips I nodded knowing where this was heading. 

“ Don’t you think I know that? You do reckless behavior when you feel threated, but back to old habits Hank it’s going to destroy you and your unit?” I was well aware my voice was raising now. I cared; about him. Even if he felt I was being pushed against him now. I felt it; the way he angrily slapped his fist against the hard desk making me blink and slightly jump. “ I do what I have to, if you care about me you’ll do what you need to Erin.” Lips pushed into a thin line; teeth sinking into my gyms as I pushed my hand onto the handle of the door; slowly opening the door. 

I barely noticed Jay had strolled in; or that Atwater had dropped his stuff onto his desk. “ I can only protect you so much Hank, I can’t keep risking my career for you.” I heard a mumble of loyalty as I turned my frame from the man. He was stubborn; he was infuriating; but I felt lost; from right and wrong. I was in hot waters; I needed evidence so I could protect him. Feeling the heat boiling from the fight I paused when my eyes locked on him; at his desk. Nothing to see here; I forced a smile on bare lips as I marched out of the unit down those familiar stars; wondering what the hell was I doing?

Continued

@okayhookedonphonics

Choices in life follow us. Erin had always done what she felt was right for her. She had always wanted to protect herself; it was the survivial insticts in her. She didn’t have the best upbringing thanks to Bunny who had brought drugs into the house, she was addicted to drinking; all the triggers were present. I thought I was going to end up behind bars if it wasn’t for Voight who took me in. He helped make me the women I was today so taking on this burden the case I didn’t care lightly. I felt a heavy heart because I knew Voight and his tenacities, I knew what he was capable of; I watched him burry the guy that killed his son. I know the lengths he was willing to go to betray the rules, to go against the system. Did I know what i’d do if I found all the accusassions were true? No Because I had rebuilt my life when I left Chicago. I had a job I loved most days; working my way up the ladder. 

But when this case fell into my hands; I wasn’t on the case but I saw the names “ Roy,” Intelligence investigate, I was intriged, I felt that itch to get involved. I had used my knowledge, my history in chicago to get ahead, and now I was required to hand over answers, but did that go against my own morals? It might have me drawing a line but I pegged I’d cross that bridge when it came to it. As for Jay; he was the one I thought about. The repuercussion if he got caught in the crosshair, he was probably Voight’s right hand man, but I did doubt the chance Jay would be open with me. I wasn’t even gonna attempt to seek him out. Not after I ghosted him. After I had taken a job and left. He was someone I cared about; not only my partner but a man I loved. Jay made me feel safe, he was home to me. But I couldn’t ask him to sacerfice his career his home in Chicago for me. Not with how strained our relationship already felt at the time. 

But seeing him, how angry he was still. How hurt he was because of me, it made me feel sick to my stomach. I took each word like a gain of salt, I took each glance as if it didn’t affect me. But I was hurting myself because of how I treated him. I had regrets ones that surrounded him. But I had no right to reopen that wound, so when he left me at the bar I concerned our interaction done. I wasn’t going push; if we had to cross paths at the station we would, but I was going to give Jay the space he needed. I didn’t want to hurt him anymore, I wanted to talk, I wanted to fight it out but I kept my tongue shut. 

The female intended to walk back to the hotel, one drink wouldn’t harm her. She wasn’t expected the ride she ended up taking, Jay’s truck his pride and joy of a truck, I didn’t know what more there was to say. I was here working on a case; attempting to help my old team in case they did end up involved in this mess, but I also wanted to see Jay; so yeah being in Chicago against all the rules I told myself when I left was thrown out the window. But I knew Jay wasn’t going to take my word of it; but honestly I didn’t blame in. Sitting in that seat eyes staring out the window, I didn’t know how I felt right now. 

“ I know, Okay.” Two words I uttered because what could I say? Jay wasn’t wrong he had no reason to trust me, and if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t be so trusting either to someone that had hurt me. So I just sat back until we inched closer to the curb where I could pull myself out of the car. Voight; now that was one conversation I could work myself through no fear. “ The thing is Voight even if he tries to bullshit me he can’t, so I’m sure it’ll be an interesting one.” There was a reason why I was staying at a hotel and not with Voight; we barely spoke, just the simple exchanges of calls to check in every few months. The tough of my hand on his knee I felt it that spark, a hidden smile pulled at my features as I reached for the handle slowly stepping out onto the pavement. Tilting my head back to give Jay one last look as if it was the last time. 

‘ Thanks for the ride, and It was good to see you Jay.” A real smile before the door closed. Ducking her head down to the pavements; Erin had walked the street to the sliding doors that allowed her inside, A bed; a nice place to stay; almost hidden from the rest of the world.