#Also I STILL remember how years later at a birthday party (that was just 4 people)

[museenkuss]

Also tell us about the cute girl at this party who you're definitely not crushing on

I’m not crushing on her (yet) and I definitely don’t plan on it, she’s just exactly the type I’ve been into before — the voice (warm with high notes, if that makes sense), the hair (feathery short and brown), the style to some extend (tomboyish), the jaw line… it’s startling tbh. There’s a specific type I find myself drawn to, I suppose???

And her signalling that she’s into girls too was really surprising and I’ll spend a while wondering whether she had motif behind it. Which she most likely didn’t, it was more a bonding moment, but, you know how it is. She’s also the girl who got told in conversation by a shared wlw friend that I’m bi and who was really surprised. The “oh, I thought she was conservative?” one. So make of that what you will? She also made sure to bring me to the train station and later kept texting me while I waited, which was really sweet :)

[canadiannationalfox]

Pre-Murder Drones Fanfic - Capsicums for Two - TW// Body image issues, eating disorders

Despite the warm glow of the sun's light as a reminder of it being day, she could remember that night clearly, even if it was already 8 years ago. The first time she set foot in the Elliott Manor.

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Louisa watched the gala goers, sitting at a spot along the wall, sipping her champagne. She didn't even want to be here at all, her vile step-mother told her that she was going to this event. Louisa tucked a stray curl of her partial updo behind her ear and sighed to herself, "I don't even want to meet him. He's probably going to go for one of the other 7 girls at this party."

Eventually a fellow with grey eyes and jet black hair approached, holding a glass of scotch on the rocks. "Evening," the Aussie teenager greeted politely, catching the woman's gaze.

"Evening," she greeted back, letting down her guard a bit because of the handsome fellow there with her. The 16 year old lad in the suit chatted politely with a tone of concern, "You seem upset, are you alright?"

"I don't even want to be here, it's some James Elliott's birthday and he's probably going to want to pick one of the really pretty girls out there, so that means I came here for no reason at all, typical"

The fellow, not wanting the young woman to know too much asked politely, "What's your name, Miss?"

"Louisa, Louisa Miriam Walker," she greeted, a little half heartedly, "How 'bout yours?"

On the fly, the fellow took her hand and shook it firmly with a goofy grin, "Just call me Jimmy-Edward." He observed Louisa laughing softly before he spoke happily, "My goodness, Louisa, you have such beautiful blue eyes!"

Louisa blushed at Jimmy-Edward's words. "Oh goodness, someone's a flirt."

The two spent the rest of the time together that evening and then Louisa couldn't find Jimmy-Edwards until she saw him up near the large windows with a globe near by them, she remembered his words clear as day.

"Louisa Miriam Walker, you are the one I want to court,"

The woman was floored, not only was the fellow she had spent most of the night with James Elliott, but she had bad mouthed him to his face and took all of it with a smile. When she asked him later, he had responded that he adored her brutality, her honesty, and her fiery passion and attitude.

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Louisa had been married now to James for 4 years, and they were expecting a child, but she was scared every time she looked in a mirror, especially now that she was recently into her second trimester.

The woman could see her mousy brown roots showing since she wasn't allowed to get her hair bleached back to golden blonde. She also was now starting to notice how her stomach was starting to swell from the baby bump. The blue-eyed woman started to cry.

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"Putting on weight? You really think he'd still love you looking like that!?" the woman named Gwendolynn barked rudely at Louisa.

The Step-Mother and Daughter were on their own at the wedding dress fitting and the bride-to-be was going to help herself to a small artisanal blueberry scone.

"I promise, mother, I'm not," the 20 year old woman responded back with politeness and fear in her voice.

The older woman who looked like a former ballerina cruelly retorted, "If your waistline is double the width of your neck, then you're as good as unlovable!"

Louisa dropped the scone like it was on fire and stepped away from the snacks and left the room, fighting back tears. The soon-to-be-Mrs. Elliott responded, doing her best to be strong, "I need a moment... I need to go get the back cinched tighter."

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James came into the room, he had been outside making sure his worker drones weren't over-watering his roses while also checking on how the vegetables in his garden were growing, and now had come inside to see how Louisa was doing. He approached the love of his life, seeing her from behind, he decided to compliment her. "Those prenatal vitamins sure are working wonders for you, Louisa," he complimented with a slight song in his voice, until he got closer and saw her saddened expression.

Louisa wiped her tears, and glanced away from James, hiding her eyes with her curtain bangs.

"What's wrong, luv?" James asked worriedly, gently pushing the hair away from his beloved's eyes.

"It's literally the silliest nonsense," Louisa brushed off as she turned away from him, looking to her stomach in dismay until she felt James place his hands lovingly on her shoulders.

"We can talk about it though," Louisa's loving husband insisted in a loving and warm Aussie accented voice, "Sit on down, and you can tell me your troubles,"

The blonde woman sat down at her vanity desk, but she didn't want to look at her reflection, she glanced at the low heeled pale pink flats she was wearing.

James picked up the brass plated hairbrush off of Louisa's vanity and started to gently brush his wife's perfectly permed golden curls as he had done ever since Louisa had a panic attack while getting ready for an event. A little caring treat that had become an almost daily routine for James to brush Louisa's hair or some little nurturing act of preening. "Now, now, Louise, tell me what troubles you."

Louisa felt courage to make eye-contact with her husband's reflection as he brushed her hair. "... Do you think I'm beautiful enough for you?"

The fellow with the dark cool-tone hair gently rubbed his wife's earlobe with his right index finger and thumb. "What ever makes you worry that, dear?"

The artificially-blonde woman leaned slightly into her doting husband's touch. "I'm not as thin as I used to be, James," she replied, her New Zealand accent audible still through the wavering of her voice, tears falling from her eyes now, she didn't want to be strong in this moment, "My roots are showing too. I'm... I'm not good enough, am I?" The sharing of her worries was met with by the sound of the hairbrush being set down and the feeling of a warm hug from behind. The JC Jensen executive lovingly soothed, "Louisa, you don't need to be thin or blonde for me to enjoy your companionship." He kissed the back of her head reassuringly. "Your personality was what I fell for, your external beauty may be a nice perk as well, but, I would love you no matter how you looked."

Louisa sniffled a little at that admission, not ready to talk yet.

James smiled as he looked to their reflection in the mirror. "Plus," he reassured in a jovial tone, "You could wear one of your lovely sunhats!"

Louisa giggled, wiping her tears away with her silk gloved hands.

James let go of her. The sweater-vested fellow walked in front of her, knelt down close and kissed Louisa's tummy. "Plus again, in here is our lovely little ball of sunshine, if we want them to come out, you're going to have to eat better, luv."

The woman in the fancy lavender sundress blushed and looked away, smiling softly.

James held Louisa's hands and responded joyfully, "I even checked the garden, there's all sorts of vegetables and fruits you can eat. Edamame beans, carrots, grape tomatoes, snap peas, cucumbers, pumpkin, strawberries, raspberries, concord grapes, sweet potatoes, and your favourite of all, capsicums."

The mention of the Aussie name of bell peppers made Louisa smile, she loved capsicums any colour they grew in, that was her favourite of all.

Louisa began to giggle as she felt James kiss her tummy more. "Oh goodness James," she trilled, now crying happy tears, "Stop that silliness."

Upon hearing the word stop, as if commanded by a queen, James stopped kissing his wife's tummy. James looked up, grinning like a Mad Hatter, but his eyes twinkling with love and adoration. "Couldn't you ask Xavier to take you back to red?" James suggested cheerfully, "Going to the salon usually helps you feel less sad."

"Last time after I told him I was pregnant, he told me that he wouldn't book me in for any colouring service until after I've had our child."

James smiled happily and joked, as he reached up and held his wife's right cheek lovingly, "Maybe I could help?"

"Don't be daft!"

The fellow stood up quickly, and with a silly funny twirl to try to brighten his wife's mood, got behind her, letting his wife laugh at his silliness. He ran his fingers through his wife's curly hair and offered happily, "No really, how bad could it go? I'm sure I could figure it out," James insisted confidently, "Besides, I could get some peroxide and lighten your roots that way. The doctors said no bleach, but they didn't say anything about peroxide, did they, luv?"

Louisa tilted her head back a little so she could see James' grey eyes that were filled with determination "Suppose not," Louisa sat happily, closing her eyes as James played with her hair, hanging off his every word of his plan.

"I'll take the afternoon off work. Then I can draw you a nice bath, make you some tea, and if the peroxide doesn't work, I'll have some dye on retainer as a plan B," James explained joyfully, he was all for it, "You could try strawberry blonde or a light ginger."

Louisa giggled happily, she loved seeing this problem solving side of her husband, it always made her adore him more. "Okay, okay, you've convinced me," she responded in her posh New Zealand accent voice, her worries and woes now forgotten, joking joyfully, "Book me in for an appointment with Jimmy-Edward!"

"Most certainly," he chuckled, using his hands to bring Louisa's hair over her shoulders, "Anyways, like I was saying earlier..." he began to joyfully explain, "Those vitamins sure are working wonders for you."

She pleaded as she placed her right hand on one of his hands that was still toying with her golden tresses, "Do elaborate, James."

"Well, your complexion looks amazing," He began to say as he took a hold of the hand she offered him, "your nails have never looked so healthy," James lifted his wife's hand gently as he leaned closer, planting a kiss on the back of her right hand as if she was royalty.

Louisa blushed, bashfully breaking eye contact with James' reflection.

"You're practically effervescently glowing," the Australian fellow insisted, his voice full of love. "And look how radiant and voluminous your hair looks," James uttered playfully, leaning closer to Louisa's ear, "It'd be a true shame to not take in the spoils of it growing like bluebells."

Louisa blushed even more, looking once again to her and her husband in the mirror before them, now feeling empowered.

"But, even your crowning glory pales in comparison to your aquamarine eyes" he addressed, gazing to their reflection, "Full of passion." He asked in a firm but loving tone, "Now, Louisa, tell me what you think. Do you think you're beautiful enough for me after all I've said?" before he kissed the back of her hand again

"I definitely do, James," Louisa replied, happy tears falling from her aquamarine eyes.

They grey-eyed fellow joyfully chuckled as he let go of his wife's hand, "Well, how about we go down to the sun room and have some vegetables?"

"I'd like that a lot," the New Zealand accented woman pleaded, standing up, still letting James hold her hand, "As long as you'll have some too."

"Of course, luv, nothing is better than mid morning smoko's snack being capsicums for two."

The end

[sweetmariihs2]

Today I found and bought two new Sofia The First magazines in a magazine stand, in a town next to mine. (That's what the post is about) 🪻✨️💗

I live in a small town, I came to the neighboring city (a slightly bigger one; where there is a cinema, adequate medical care and clinics, things that are scarce in my town and everyone comes here when they need one of these things) to do an eyesight exam, because recebtly I've been feeling my vision getting worse. Going to the clinic, I found a magazine stand on the other street, and I asked my family (who were with me) if they could accompany me there later. I did the exam, and I'm still under the influence of the eye drops, so it's been torture to write this text, but I need to tell you what I found. You won't believe it: TWO DIFFERENT EDITIONS OF SOFIA THE FIRST MAGAZINES! THOSE THAT ARE NO LONGER PRODUCED! IN FACT, SEVERAL COPIES OF THEM! There were like, 7 magazines from the same edition, perfectly new, never touched, ON THE FLOOR. (And no, I'm not from Rio De Janeiro, there are a lot of sidewalks with this pattern here in Brazil)

A while ago, I think it was in January, I was wondering if I should also go to this city and look for Sofia The First merch, because in my small town I've already looked at all the stores and there's nothing left to see here (how many, about 4 ? 5? Yes, it really is a small city, I know all these places and you can visit them all in 1 or 2 hours at most, walking down the street, without a car). I found some stickers and birthday invitations, I posted them a while ago, I used them for journaling in my sketchbook.

(@shychick-52 do you see the Donald Duck magazines there?? When I saw them I immediately thought about you, they're on the bottom left of the pic and there's more in the top right. Pato Donald is Donald Duck, Tio Patinhas is Scrooge McDuck's name in Brazil. I don't know a thing about Ducktales, I'm sorry!)

I literally gasped. I was just going there for fun, as I like books, magazines and vintage products like records and CDs, so I really like physical media. Those places full of trinkets are extremely fun for me, and whenever I have the opportunity I like to look at everything, down to the smallest details. I love music and vinyl stores, stationery stores, party stores, haberdashery, so a magazine stand sounds amazing to me too! I hadn't been to one in years! (I never went thrifting in my life. It would be an amazing day to spend an evening)

There weren't only Sofia The First ones, you see, these kinds of magazines aren't produced anymore since kids don't have any interest in them. So most of the children's magazines there were dated around 2012-2016! You don't even have to look for the dates to know that, the Strawberry Shortcake ones, Frozen (FROZEN, DUDE! FROZEN!!!) (In one of my STF magazines there's even an ad of these Frozen magazines, they were produced during the same time), there were Disney Junior ones (If you look closely you can see the Lion Guard cover on that pic where I show you the pile of STF magazines, it's on top of them), Disney Princess, EVEN MONSTER HIGH. I didn't took a pic of this one, but as far as I know, you don't find these anywhere anymore. I felt like going back to 2015, when I was a kid those activity magazines and visiting the magazine stands were extremely fun, the themes on the children's magazines were exactly these, I remember the sticker albums, so many good memories. It makes sense, since they're the same ones, but they were never sold.

Besides the children magazines, they sell mangas, magazines, books, word search and activity books, cooking books, comic books/magazines (superhero themed or not- DC comics, Marvel, but also Disney and national works, for example our beloved Turma Da Mônica), and even toys and stuff.

So I figured maybe I'd find silly things here too, it's a bigger town but after all it's still small, it's just 40 mins away from mine, maybe I could find little birthday hats that I can cut out? Gift bags? Maybe stickers and coloring kits, silly things. Of course, knowing about the magazine stands there, something that my hometown NO LONGER has, inside of me had a small amount of hope that I could find something, but not much, as I live in the rural/interior part of Brazil and many products are bootleg, you know those princess books with wonky faces written "princess coloring book"? Stuff like that. But there was still a shred of hope, despite knowing that there probably wouldn't be anything interesting. I just went there because I have fun searching for little things.

AND WHEN I GOT THERE.... THE MAGAZINES WERE JUST THERE. AT THE ENTRANCE. ON THE ?!?!?!?!? FLOOR?!??!??! (You can see the pic up there) ON THE DIRTY SIDEWALK FULL OF DIRT AND DUST AND ALL KINDS OF NASTY THINGS?!??! HELL NAH

It was like they were just waiting for me to get them, they were the first things that I saw. I KNEW THAT I WOULD FIND SOMETHING. In fact, as I always hope to find cool things in these stores I frequent, I always expect something. I'm usually disappointed, but I always try to find it. AND THIS TIME I FOUND IT. NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT LIKE A DOZEN of STF magazines from the same edition, still packaged AND WITH THE GIFT. ALL OF THEM.

As my parents had work to do in our town and needed to return, I had to look at everything quickly. Luckily the magazine stand was small, so I was able to look at a few things, and while the attendant (who seemed bored (thankfully, the fact that she was very slow gave me time to look a little more)) served other customers (she was slow with them too, which gave me more time thank god), I continued looking at all sides of the stand, observing every small detail to look for treasures. If there were several copies of an issue of Sofia The First magazine still packed there, then there must have been more, hidden behind that enormous amount of information. I didn't had enough time because my parents needed to go back home, but I wish I could have saw the content from the Disney Junior magazines. I opened it and looked through the pages, only the last two pages were about Sofia The First, but I still had a lot to look so I put it back and went to search for more.

That's the one I got, the edition I mentioned

12 brazillian reais are worth around 2,50 dollars. For us, in talks about value, it would be like- 5 dollars? Not too cheap like literal 2 dollars, it's like, a cheap price, but not that much. For us, I mean. I don't know if you get what I mean, my explanation was terrible

Before, as we were late for the exam and the whole family was going (we all went to take the exam) I only took with me my cellphone and headphones, I didn't bring my money or even a purse or a backpack. My father bought me the magazine, I got so happy. Actually, he just let me have it and gave me the money, so I went to the attendant. The magazines had an elastic band around to secure them, as you can see in the pic, and I took them to the girl and asked for her help to get one out. As I'm used to being very friendly, and I was very happy, I approached the girl, asked for her help, and as she got them out of the elastic band, I kept talking "I can't believe I found this!! They are no longer produced, they are rare items, and I'm collecting them! I didn't think I would find anything like this here, it definitely made my day." I noticed that the attendant wasn't very friendly back, in fact she was very quiet and seemed a little bored, but I didn't care, I was too happy to worry about judgement looks from people I don't know, at least I was friendly and I did my part. My young brother later told me that when I turned my back she looked confused and shrugged, perhaps thinking "to each their own, right?". She went to serve the other customers and in the meantime I continued to look through the magazines, hoping to find more.

Important detail: I still had eye drops, my pupils were extremely dilated and I could see nearby objects blurred, so searching thoroughly was very difficult. Imagine looking at all that information without being able to see things closer than 1m from you. I'm still convinced I didn't manage to look at everything. I found more Disney Princess magazines (dated in 2014? 2015? somewhere around that) and that's when I saw it. I literally had to crouch down to look at the magazines in the lower sections of the shelf, they were stacked and they covered each other, and when I saw the Sofia The First logo I quickly grabbed it. IT WAS ANOTHER EDITION - A FLOATING PALACE THEMED ONE. Unfortunately this time it was out of the packaging, and I have no idea if someday there was even a gift with it, but I don't care, it was amazing to find this.

That's the Disney Princess magazines I was talking about! In that first pic I took, at the start of the post, you can see a Belle themed one. The Ariel themed magazine looks so old that the paint is stained and started to fade (it was in the front showcase while the other ones were carefully placed inside the stand), thankfully the STF ones were brand new. Well, almost.

Now that I'm home and I'm already seeing a little better, I'm gonna show you the magazines. Not all of them unfortunately, because a post only supports 10 pics and each magazine has 15/20+ pages so like... yeah. I wanna scan them and put them in a Google drive folder, or at least post a video about them in my YouTube channel, but that's more unlikely. If I had all of them, definitely, but I don't think it's worth recording a video if it's not with all the issues, don't you think? Anyway.

What's written in the first one: The Queen's Birthday Party! (This one came with the necklace)

In the second one: Sofia's vacation!

Let's take a closer look at the necklace

I'm fighting the urge to use it. I really want to use that tag in my sketchbook and the charm of the necklace in something like a keychain, but I cann'ttt bring myself to destroy something that is not produced anymoreeee😭😭😭

In the Floating Palace magazine, there is not even a single page where the sea monster is in. Not even a single one.

But in the "Queen's Birthday Party" one, there are three pages where Cedric is in! Yayy!!! They did him justice!!!

If anyone's curious about Miranda's birthday party, it's a comic and someone already posted it on Tumblr. Here is the link.

You know, that "Queen's Birthday Party" it's very exclusive, I don't remember the show having any episode like this, and the next activities in the magazine talk about the vacation they did in the comic and also the birthday party. Besides that, we have a lot of activities related to Tilly and family, and the main arts and crafts activity from this magazine is making a family tree. I believe that this magazine's topic is family.

I can't show you all the pages, but at least I can publish the pages Cedric is in and add more stuff to my Cedric merch masterlist (and personal research)

Well at least he's there. I have seen this art around like 20 times but they remembered that Cedric is a Sofia The First character so that's good I guess

They did him dirty here

AND THIS!!!! THIS ABSOLUTELY THIS!!! MY FAVORITE ONE!!!1!1!!!1!1!!1

YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW HOW LOUD I GASPED, WHEN I TELL YOU THAT I ALMOST STARTED JUMPING AND SCREAMING "YIPEE YIPEEE"

I'll translate it to you this time, so you can understand how I'm feeling right now

✨️Translation:✨️

Enchancia Castle

Title: Fraternal Bonds

Before leaving, Aunt Tilly gives her brother a big hug. Which pairs of siblings do you know from Sofia's world? Mark the correct pairs below.

THAT IS SO AAARRRGGGAGGAGAVVSGGSBBAVSGJ💖💖😭💗💞💗💞😭💞😭💗😭💞😭💖💗💖

I KNOW THAT CEDRIC AND SOFIA ARE THE WRONG OPTION, BUT I CAN'T. THAT IS SO CUTE I MIGHT EXPLODE I DON'T KNOW

that's what we had for today, I reached the 10 image per blog limit as always, no one's surprised

[deadmanscity-writing]

Robin Buckley x Fem!Reader

Request: N/A (Wasn’t requested)

Scenario/Background: Reader accidentally timetravels/replaces her doppelganger (Because I’m in love with that trope). Also, this is placed in Episode one of the third season: when Robin first appears.

Reader can be anywhere from 16-18 years old.

I’m also going to try to write /most/ of the episode this time, and not die from pausing, unpausing.. “Wait.. what did they say?”

In this fanfic, Stranger Things is still a show.

Doesn’t follow the exact story, since it is in Reader’s point of view, so it may throw you off just a little bit.

H/T(C) = Home Town(or city)

!!WARNING!!

Actions of assault in the beginning, and mentions of it later on…

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11:54.34pm:

H/T(C), [state/province], [country].

June 28, 2024 (1/6/2024):

Walking outside, with a silent hum, from a celebration of my friend’s seventeenth birthday. As I pick at the long sleeve I decided to wear on this warm night, I hear scuffing of shoes against the pavement behind me not even a minute after leaving the building.

Feeling oversuspicious at the probability of being followed, I hasten my steps.

Why’d the parking garage have to be so damn far away..!

Turning the nearby corner, I feel the person grab my hair from behind me. They swiftly throw my head against the bricked wall I stood next to. Nothing turning from it, minus a likely concussion and a future headache, I turn around to face the person, almost as instinct. Before I even get a glimpse of anything above the belt- “such a pretty thing…”- He smashes my stomach with their boot, and my face with his knee.

With a grunt, all that I can sense is ringing in my ear. I slip into the abyss as my body turns limp.

—Timeskip: eleven hours, thirty-six minutes, five seconds: 11:30.39am—

June [2?], [!??4]

Location [UNKNOWN]

Shit… I squint open my eyes. Where am I..? I sit up, looking around. I’m behind what is likely… a mall. Did he just dump me? Damn. Standing up, I run the back of my hand and arm under my nose. Dried blood either falling off, or attaching itself to my sleeve. Fuck… “This is honest bull.”

Remembering my bag, I turn my head, rapidly looking for it. I spot it in the general area I once laid.

I drop to a kneel. Opening it, I try to look for the small amount of aid supplies I usually carry inside. “How I hate the extra luggage, but I’m so glad I brought you.” I whisper to the inanimate object.

Finding the alcohol wipes, I bring out my phone, turning on the camera to aid me in cleaning myself.

“You!-” I groan, spotting the bruising on my right eye, “motherfucker…” At least it’s not swollen.. I end up roughly cleaning the bloch of dried blood under my nose, and the rest of my face. And throwing my phone into my bag.

Honestly.. These aren’t as bad of injuries for getting beaten. Well. More so, nothing is broken…

Remembering the sunglasses in my bag that I keep forgetting to take out, I rummage for them, eagerly I put them on to hide the blackeye.

Huffing, I get back up, swinging my bag over my shoulder. Walking to the front of the building, I instantly decide it best to go inside.

Not knowing where to go, I head down the escalators, spotting… a certain ice cream parlor. Looks like I gotta keep a little secret.

June 28, 1984

StarCourt Mall. Hawkins, Indiana

I wandered to other stores, buying new clothes, accessories and stopping to eat a couple times. I will tell ya’, inflation is a bitch. So glad I took cash with me. These damn prices are heaven!

Already with changed clothes, putting my old, teared, and bloodied clothes in a completely separate bag from the already few I hold. I decide it best to either wander or sit, waiting.

All until it reached 21:27pm (9:27pm). That’s when I saw the party. The main five. All of them walking inside. When they reach the bottom of the escalator, Lucas gives Erica a short lecture when he spots her with friends. Of course, I can’t hear them with the current distance. But I know what they’re saying.

Soon, I detach myself from the wall I was leaning on, following them to the ice-cream parlor.

Instead of following all the way to the counter where Mike, may I add, obnoxiously rings the bell, I stop and go to a table. Setting all my bags down, soon setting myself down too.

“Hey, dingus! Your children are here!”

“Again?” Steve slides open a window connecting to the back room. “Seriously?”

Mike just looks at him before ringing the counter bell one more time.

Steve leads them to the hallways connecting all the departments shortly after.

I set my head on the back of the seating close to the wall.

After just sitting for a couple more minutes, I decide that I want to talk to at least one of them: Robin, or Steve? I ponder. I don’t feel like thinking about the interference with the plot right now. I just want to talk.

I get up, but as soon as I do, the power goes out. I forgot that this happens.

“That’s weird…” I hear Steve. I then hear him flickering the light switch behind him. Over, and over again.

“That isn’t going to work, dingus.” I then hear Robin’s voice.

“Oh, really?” He says in response, flickering the switch faster, while looking up, facing the lights to see any reaction from them.

“It really isn’t.” I speak up.

The power then came back on, almost as soon as it went out.

“Let there be light.” Steve says smugly to Robin, who silently mocks him. He then turns to me, keeping the same smug look.

I look at him with a straight face, in return, before a wave of paranoia hits me. All I do is shiver, and he raises an eyebrow at me.

I raise an eyebrow back, “What?”

“Nothing.” He says nothing more for a few seconds, “So-”

I check the time on my watch. “Shit..” I mumble to myself. It’s nine fifty-eight.

I turn around. I was wanting to try and figure out a place to stay before ten, but it’s almost that time… damn it all. I guess… I can risk it. I don’t want to stay with Steve, but he’s also my best bet right now. I just… need to make it.. extremely clear. Or, I can ask for a ride to a Hotel. Just- something!

I turn back around to face him. “Hey! Um,” I quiet myself immediately after realizing my raised volume. “I’m, like, extremely new here, in town. I got dropped off here from the bus, and this is also my first day here, so… I was wondering if, um, you could drive me to a nearby hotel..? If you have a car. You don’t have to though!” There are… SO MANY HOLES IN THAT! What the fuck! Now I’m praying he’s stupid as some of the show betrays him to be!

“Oh, yeah, sure. I don’t mind!” Not even a second later. No hesitation. He is… that stupid. Okay.

“Thank you! You’re a lifesaver!”

He grins. Wow… maybe, don’t inflate his ego too much next time…

—Timeskip: Twelve hours, fifteen minutes, zero seconds: 11:14am—

The next morning at the mall

I figured it best to not wear my sunglasses today.

“Alrighty. One scoop of chocolate. That’s a buck twenty five. Here ya’ go.” I see Steve smile at the girl from where I sit. He looks at her shirt, “Purdue. Fancy,” I cringe.

“Yeah. I’m excited!” She response, giggling.

Steve types something in the register, “Yeah, you know I considered it. Purdue. But then I was like, “You know what? I- I really think I need some real life experience.” You know, before I hit college. See what it feels like. I don’t know.” He grabs her change from the register, “See what it’s like to earn a working man's wage. You know wh- uh.” The register rings. It’s broken. And… He’s freaking out. “Hold on. Sorry.” He then continues his story. “I think that’s, like, really important.” The two girls just look at him. Smiling at his failed attempt at flirting with the one in front.

“Yeah. Totally.” Gotta love sarcasm, but damn.

“Yeah! Anyways, this is like, so fun.” He forces a short laugh with her. “We should, kinda like, you know, I don’t know, hang out?” He hands her her change. Either her failing to catch it, or him having poor hand to eye coordination; it wounds up falling. “Oh- sorry about that. Uh- I don’t know.” He puts his hand on the counter, trying to appear more confident, hoping for the outcome he obviously wishes for. “Maybe next weekend, or,” He waits.

“Yeah, I’m busy.” She reaches to put the change in her purse.

“Oh- that’s cool. I’m actually- I’m working here next weekend.” He gestures. “So… the following weekend is better for me,” He says defeated, but hope still underlines his tone.

“Ah- no, I’m sorry, I can’t. Okay.” She says. What’s with the bitchy tone?.. I eye her, rolling my eyes. “Thanks.”

Steve tries to speak up as they walk away, “I could- this is my first day here.” I then eye him with a raised brow.

He huffs in defeat.

Robin rolls to the opening of the window. Almost as if on cue. I smile at what she’s about to say. “And another one bites the dust.” She slides her white board in view. Steve turns around to face her, scuffing at the sound of her voice. “You are O-for-six, popeye.” She places a tally mark under the words ‘You suck’.

“Yeah. Yeah, I can count.” Steve says agitatedly, while nodding, arms crossed.

“You know that means you suck, right?” She says in a teasing tone.

“Yep. I can read too.” I can tell Steve is tired from all Robin’s teasing with his rough tone he carries towards her.

“Since when?” She teases him even further. Almost as if she’s trying to knock him over the edge.

“Hey?” I get up from where I sat, walking up behind Steve. “Do you think you can put another one on there? Make it O-for-seven?” I ask, in a mocking tone.

“Oh, dingus got dusted not six- but seven times?” She looks to him, playfully shocked, before looking towards me, “Now, dingus’ friend, who was this unlucky lady?” She asks with the same tone.

“Me. When I was hitching a ride with him last night.”

“Wow… dingus, you don't know when to quit, do you?” I breathe out a short laugh.

“Sorry, Steve,” I pat him on the shoulder before leaning on the counter. “Your oh-so-sweet co-worker has to know.” My tone, similar to Robin’s.

“It’s this stupid hat!” I sigh, shaking my head. “I am telling you!” Robin sighs at his complaint too. “It is totally blowing my best feature!..” It really isn’t the hat.

“Yeah,” Robin moves the board, locking her hands, placing her arms to lay on the wall under the opening of the window. “Company policy is a real drag,” she shakes her head. “Y’know, it’s a crazy idea,” She looks up at him from her position, “but, have you considered..” She shrugs, blowing up her cheeks before continuing, “Telling the truth..?” She basically eyes him.

“Oh, you mean that I couldn’t even get into tech, and my douchebag dad is trying to teach me a lesson? I make three bucks an hour, and I have no future? That truth?” He speaks with dual honesty.

I move as I hear the clacking of heals, back to my seat.

Robin grins before pointing out to Steve, “Hey, twelve o’clock.”

Steve follows, “Oh shit, oh shit. Okay. Uhhh… Goin’ in. Okay, I’m goin’ in-” just before he turns around,”-and you know what?” He reaches to take off his uniform hat, throwing it behind Robin, “Screw company policy.”

“Oh my god, you’re a whole new man.”

Steve begins to walk away backwards, “Right? Oo,” he does a small dance. He turns around as me and Robin laugh at his actions. “Ahoy ladies! Didn’t see you there!” He practically screams, causing me and the girl he is speaking to to jump. He places both of his hands on the counter top. “Would you guys like to set sail on this ocean of flavor with me?” He says with great enthusiasm. “I’ll be your captain. I’m Steve Harrington.” He loses a little volume near the end.

The girls laugh, “Oh god,” I hear one mumble.

“Can I get you guys a little taste of cherry suebly?” He butchers the last word, sorbet. “No? Anybody? Banana boat?” He takes a look at all of them. “Four people, four spoons?”

Robin slowly slides away, cringing as she does so. I get up as she does so, walking behind the girls, and proceeding to the back room, Steve doesn’t seem to care.

Steve continues, “Anybody? It’s hot out there.”

Once I get through the door, I see Robin has put another tally, “O-for-eight..? He really is desperate.” I walk over to close the window. Sitting down at the table in the middle of the room after.

“Yeah. By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask; what’s up with your eye?” She points to her own.

“Oh, I-” I touch the fading bruise “It’s nothing. Just some weirdo kneed me in the face.” Robin, thankfully, doesn't pry. “But- uh- anyway-” I take a deep breath, “I get the whole “girl crazy” thing, but he doesn’t seem like the type.” I rest my head on my palm, facing Robin. “I feel like everyone gets the same feeling after breaking things off with either their first relationship, or first love.”

“Really? Who's the boy that broke your heart?” She raises her brow with a sarcastic smirk. She then sits in the chair next to me, “Would love to hear about it.” She keeps her taunting tone.

“You wouldn’t know him,” I say in a similar tone to hers. “But, the feeling is like, you get so used to being in a relationship that you feel out of place when you’re not in one. Some people try to give it some time before actually doing that, to avoid a rebound. But after some time, they’re either content but still want a relationship, or just… content with being single ....”

Robin boredly hums to my rant in response.

“I hope you know I avoided going on a long ass rant, just for you.” I grin playfully.

She looks back at me, “Ah, yes, thank you for saving my ears.” I smile in place of a laugh at her reply.

“I rant a shit ton. Not even when I’m nervous, usually when I’m happy, or ‘forcing’ someone to listen to me. But I hate that I sometimes stutter, or accidentally skip a word, or even make up one in some scenarios.” I shrug.

She shakes her head with a slight smile.

[ladyodaskonpeito]

Day 4: Happy birthday, Sousuke!

Fandom: Free!

Pairing: Yamazaki Sousuke x Tachibana Makoto

Wordcount: 1300

Warning: Mentions of blood and vomit

It's Sousuke's birthday, so I went a little overboard with my day 4 entry 😅

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3

A/N: Haematemesis is the medical term for vomiting of blood

September 14th fell on a Wednesday this year, and Makoto was surprised to overhear loud noises coming from the GI clinic at five in the afternoon when he left his office. There were no GI consultations on Wednesdays if he remembered correctly.

And Makoto would remember everything correctly. So he rounded the corner out of curiosity and saw the team of GI doctors busy decorating the hallway with grey balloons and black, lettered flags that spelt out ‘Happy birthday, Sousuke!’.

“Makoto,” Rin called to him. It was naturally Haru’s boyfriend who first spotted him standing and staring at the flags. “You have perfect timing! Please, help!”

Dr Kirishima also appeared delighted to see him. “Yes! Makoto-kun, please lend us any of your personnel who are available right now, please?” As if sensing his concern, Dr Kirishima quickly added, “We have gotten approval from Dr Azuma for this celebration already, don’t you worry! He even offered to cover for us in the ward from five to seven, so we’d have time to make it a party. We’re just a little short on manpower right now to properly spruce up the place.”

The head of their division was an incredibly thoughtful superior in that case, Makoto was impressed.

“He covered for you, Natsuya! You’re the one with limited time,” Dr Mikoshiba laughed. “You, and our birthday boy. The rest of us will party hard and are free to drink all the booze we want!”

“Heck yeah,” Rin, too, rejoiced at that. “Please join in on the fun if you’d like, Makoto? You know how rare it is for the entire GI team to gather together other than for work. I even asked Haru to come, he’ll enjoy himself better with you here too.”

“You’re only inviting the nurses as well for extra helping hands,” said Haru flatly as he showed up just then. He probably headed here immediately from his department despite his complaints. “I’m leaving as soon as we finish setting up.”

“That’s not true, we invited our tech guy too for him to help out,” Dr Mikoshiba interrupted with glee, patting his brother’s back a little too hard for it to not be an intentional distraction to his candle-counting.

“Nii-san is the worst!” retorted Momo-kun once he finished counting thirty of them.

“This reminds me,” Dr Kirishima managed to fish out his phone even with the number of confetti poppers he had in hand. “I have a younger brother who is free too now that the pharmacy counters are closed.”

Makoto gave a chuckle. He would like to stay, just to assist with the preparations of the celebration like Haru would if nothing else. The hospital’s policy did detail that alcohol was only prohibited wherever and whenever clinical activity was taking place, anyway. The GI team would be fine.

“On the top of my head,” he finally offered. Nagisa was an obvious choice for how much he loved a good get-together, but he was stationed at the GI ward until seven, leaving him out of the question. “I recall that Nitori-kun would be coming in for the night shift later. I’ll ask him if he’s free to come in earlier for the party then?”

And as expected, Nitori-kun was down for it. They all made quick work of the decorations while they waited. Ikuya later brought in the cake from their delivery driver at the hospital's main entrance and Nitori-kun was promptly put in charge of calling Sousuke in while still panting as he reached.

“Me?”

“Yes, you,” Dr Mikoshiba instructed. “Make up a fake patient and tell him there’s an emergency, say the rest of us are not available and he’s scheduled to be on an in-hospital call later anyway.”

So Nitori-kun, despite his apprehension, was forced to make the call before his breathing even calmed down. Sousuke picked up on the first ring even when he had an hour left before his on-call duty.

“Dr Yamazaki!” Nitori-kun exclaimed as if taken aback by how fast it was answered, and put the call on loudspeaker. “There has been an emergency, please come to the clinic!”

“The clinic’s closed today. Wouldn’t I be needed at the ED instead?” He first expressed doubts, before quickly proceeding to brush that off and asking for a breakdown of the case.

“It’s a 30-year-old male patient,” Nitori-kun frantically looked around for any ideas, before locking eyes with Makoto. “It’s- it’s Tachibana-senpai!”

The rest of the team could barely hide their snickers while Makoto paled from the imminent embarrassment.

“Makoto?!” Sousuke sounded alarm (as would anyone in his situation, why would the nursing manager be having a gastrointestinal-related emergency out of the left field), concern evident in his tone. Makoto could feel that tiny sliver of hope rising up again at that and at the use of his first name, but he rapidly swallowed it back down. The mortification he’d be feeling in front of Sousuke soon was enough to snuff out any sparks in his chest.

“Nitori, details of the case!” Sousuke demanded after Nitori-kun was quiet for a while, too busy trying to come up with a fake history. Shuffling came from the other end of the phone line, he must have been moving in a rush.

“Uh, erm, senpai presented with- with haematemesis!” Nitori-kun gulped. “He just got off work—that’s right—that’s why he’s at the clinic.”

Someone in the team let out a giggle. It wasn’t caught on by the other end, apparently, as Sousuke continued gravelly, “History of presenting complaint? Any medical conditions? His medication history?”

Nitori-kun couldn’t give any coherent answers to that and only stuttered into the phone. In his defence, Sousuke basically fired the line of questions at him without waiting for a response. He still reprimanded Nitori-kun sternly nonetheless. “What was that report with how many years you’ve been a nurse now, Nitori?”

“To be fair, I’m panicking! It’s my manager we’re talking about here,” Nitori-kun whined. “Please get to the clinic as soon as possible, none of the other GI internists are available.”

“What? How is that possible- just get him to the ED already! I’ll be there in 15.”

“Noooo, come to the clinic!”

“Sousuke,” Makoto interrupted the call, exasperated at Nitori-kun’s helplessness. He wouldn’t want all the efforts of a surprise party going to waste, so he’d have to do it himself. “Bright red vomit, accompanied by pallor and dizziness. No known medical illness and not on any medications.” He tried to sound weak and mumbled some when providing the details, even adding a cough at the end for good measure.

“Please come over to the clinic, I’m too sick to walk all the way to the ED and Nitori-kun is panicking too hard right now to get any sort of meaningful help,” he added at the end.

There was the sound of a car door opening and more shuffling before Sousuke steadied his breath and puffed in reply. “Okay- okay, I’m on my way.”

The team cheered noisily when the call ended, patting Makoto on the back for the good job well done. Although he was apologetic for lying to Sousuke, he hoped the party he’d helped set up would more than make up for the deception and it’d be truly an enjoyable birthday for Sousuke.

A party that Makoto didn’t stay for, because he was a coward who couldn’t deal with pretending to not recognise Sousuke anymore. He left alongside Haru, all the while contemplating whether he should get it off his chest by talking to Haru about it.

In the end, he didn’t. Haru was never the friend who could offer him words of advice when it came to matters of the heart, after all.

Maybe Rin could do that in his stead. If not… well, Makoto was out of ideas.

To be continued on Day 5

[gggoldfinch]

the first time I wrote this my laptop crashed halfway through and deleted everything and I started sobbing. here we go again, part 2, I'll try not to have a fucking stroke:

(Also not to be weird or unkind but pls don’t read/like/reply to this if you’re not a follower or mutual of mine. I trust my regulars and mutuals, some y’all that blow in on the wind scare me …)

here’s a little personal ramble about me discovering(?) my neurodivergency (with a sprinkle of childhood trauma) (I lied it’s not a sprinkle it’s a backhoe full) because I just had a fucking MASSIVE epiphany while sitting here doing nothing. Feel free to read idc, I just need somewhere to put this since I don’t have a shrink, and maybe some y'all will relate, considering we’re all a bit touched in the head here. This is a blog and I’m finally treating it like one lmao

a little context: I had somewhat severe epilepsy from age 4-5 that seemingly had no cause, and went away on its own. yay. 

so, on to the topic at hand. My family had numerous stories about how I used to get seriously SERIOUSLY overwhelmed/ overstimulated as a child— so much so that on one particular occasion I hid in a basket of toys in my bedroom during my own birthday party until my mom had to make everyone leave early. Needless to say I was labelled “a handful.” My parents always blamed these outbursts of overstimulation in social settings on my epilepsy (even though this behavior continued after my epilepsy cured itself), saying that it made me tired, irritable, easily overwhelmed, etc. But now as an adult, knowing there is a fairly decent likelihood that I have not only adhd but autism too, this makes much more sense. Side note: my parents refuse to believe their child could be neurodivergent (among many other bigoted things their child could not be)—they shoot me down whenever I propose the idea, calling me silly—so it’s likely that bringing me to a specialist never crossed their minds, considering they didn’t want to consider it and I didn’t portray the “traditional symptoms” of neurodivergency that were known about in the early 2000s. 

all this being said, yes, I just had that epiphany while sitting here on my couch and was like. oh. damn, that kinda makes sense now, looking back through a different lens. It’s always been here, apart of me. It’s always been with me. And realizing this kinda makes me a little sad. I have all the resources at my fingertips now as an adult to learn about all the ways my behavior has been misinterpreted throughout my life. All the times when I refused to let my mom brush/touch/style my hair, when I'd only eat the same favorite foods, why I was SO obsessed with pacifiers, why I would lash out and get overwhelmed and torment everyone around me. I understand why now, and it strangely makes me feel so sad and alone.

I feel like I’m always mourning my childhood and the loss of it (crying rn lol, a tear fell in my mouth). I was friendless and bullied for 9 whole years of my life, throughout my entire elementary and middle education. My grandparents, who were my best friends, died 15 months apart and I never got proper closure, and am still in mourning over a decade later. I was diagnosed with several life changing diseases when I was just a poor dumb kid and it virtually stripped my teenage years to their bare bones. I had good times, I did, but you don’t often remember the good times, do you. I remember feeling alone, overwhelmed, and so so so different for so many years of my life, and not understanding why. I really do think my childhood ended when my grandparents died when I was 10, because after that ushered in the mental and physical health problems, and still, no comfort in peers until my late teens. Even when I finally had friends in high school (not the same friends from high school that I've talked about here, mind you), they would tease me; laugh when I’d slip up verbally, or when I was slow on the uptake, even if I asked them to stop. I’d feel overwhelmed and isolated, but I'd suck it up because this is what friends do, despite this being exactly what my merciless “friend” bullies did in middle school. 

Now I realize that I always had the right to be overwhelmed and angry that no one understood why— my symptoms of neurodivergy came in a “gifted kid” box, with hyperfixations and poor social skills abound. Now Ive got gifted kid burnout and explanations for my younger self. I understand why I sometimes felt like I needed to peel off my skin if I felt overwhelmed (still do lol), why kids didn’t want to be friends with me and thought I was weird, why I was so susceptible to teasing and why I couldn't stand up for myself, why I always pretended to fit in even though I and everyone else knew I didn’t. 

I think I deserve to grow more now, knowing all this. I know I’ve done and said a lot of stupid shit I'm not proud of, and I know it may be a copout to blame it on not being entirely sure how to navigate social situations or on kids being mean little bastards, but I sincerely think I've grown as a human just by realizing it hasn’t all been my fault like I've told myself for so long. I didn’t drive people away as a kid, I couldn’t help it if I acted out when I was overwhelmed or overstimulated or humiliated— I didn’t want to put my mom through hell when she too was young and overwhelmed with having her first kid. But that’s all behind me, and I think that knowing now where it likely all stems from, I should these experiences to get to know myself a bit more, and take care of myself. Forgive myself. 

okay now that I've cleared my sinuses with that hearty sob sesh... 🤷🏻‍♀️

[mishkakagehishka]

Talking about being hated I just remembered how back when the pandemic started I was in a service dog server to learn more since I needed one badly so wanted to learn more and was fresh out of high school

Why was I hated ? Well because I was extremely dependent on my parents for basic stuff like food, I also had to go with their whims like going to the birthday party of a 4 years old IN THE BEGINNING OF THE PANDEMIC because we literally had no food at home and I also couldn't afford take out since ya know just out of high school and disabled

I was ranting about the situation in that server because I was so damn scared since disabled in pandemic but I had no choice, the people there went all against me lashing and everything

Some time later another person with the exact same situation ranted as well but was received warmly and everyone was "understanding" so I obviously got upset at the unfairness and when I brought that up...admittedly angry and worked up, I got banned from the server

FUCK those assholes with a rusted pipe honestly. I read this, got pissed off, took time off, reread it to respond and got pissed off again. The hell were you supposed to do?

I feel like soooo many people expect folks to be able to just say no to their parents, forgetting that whether you're a legal adult or not doesn't mean much if said parents still hold power over you, whether financial or in terms of housing or food or whatever.

You're better off without them, honestly, and i hope you managed to find a proper support circle <3

[calicopilledqueen]

This week was so fucking bad.

Monday:

Monday was my birthday. It was ok at first. I didn’t sleep well because my bedsheets were still wet and staying up any later wouldn’t be good for me. I got probably 2-4 hours of sleep, which set me off for a bad morning. I was cold the entire night and I woke up slightly damp which pissed me off. Getting ready was fine, but I had to pack for my grandparents house which gave me less time. I got Starbucks with my sister and mom so atleast my morning was not terrible. I did get birthday posts, but a lot of people just wished my twin a happy birthday and not me. Even the announcer wished only my sister a birthday. Look, I know I’m not as popular and nice as her but wishing me a happy birthday is just the bare minimum. That kind of pissed me off for the day because I’m honestly tired of having this second hand treatment. From my mom, some of my friends and now people who go to my school. I also had a soccer game but I think we lost. I didn’t want to play because it was raining and honestly I want time to do homework.

Tuesday:

I don’t really remember Tuesday but I all I know that it wasn’t memorable at all and that obviously means it wasn’t good at all

Wednesday:

I didn’t like Wednesday either. I tried getting help for math but I don’t understand the material and we had 2 quizzes in on period. I didn’t finish the quizzes to 100% and I failed both of them so bad!! I want to drop calculus but the college advisor said I should wait since it’s only the beginning of the school year. History was also stressing me out because how am I suppose to read 2 different text books and summarize them for a test, re-write and essay and do test corrections all in one week. I wish I didn’t take honors but it’s too late to switch out, and even if I wanted to I couldn’t.

Thursday:

I started crying during breakfast because I was really stressed and I don’t know / can’t talk to people no matter how hard I try. I’ve been really stressed because nothing goes my way, and yes that’s a stupid reason to be stressed but I was suppose to take my permits test this day and I couldn’t because my parents didn’t have enough money. I’m really mad because I planned this out a month ahead and I feel like no matter how hard I organize and plan things no one puts and effort in to try and co-operate. And school is not helping that. I honestly was hoping maybe this year would be better than last but that’s not going to happen. My sister sprained her ankle and she keeps taking it out on me. She doesn’t hit me or anything serious, she’s just really sassy and I don’t need this along with everything else going on. The fun part of this day is that I bought my dress for my party and I think it looks really good on me. I got it with my aunt and sister and it was a fun afternoon.

Friday(today):

Today was like a field day but we paired up with the little kids. My partner was so cute and I honestly miss her. She makes me want to have kids. But everything else was kind of annoying. Every time I try talking to one of the new kids she just ignores me or like gives me dry responses. At first I thought it was because she’s shy or maybe she’s just like that but she can talk normally and she does with a lot of people. Most people but me. I’m not sure why but it’s starting to annoy me because now it’s just kind of rude. This one is also kind of dumb but I was looking for 4 leaf clovers today with my partner and I thought I found one but the 3rd leaf was just tattered so it looked like 4. Some kids in my class call me stupid but I know they might be joking. But I also feel like they’re not. I’m not really smart or I don’t seem like it so of course they would think that, but recently just these little comments have been getting to me at it lowk hurt 😔. One of them is coming to my party but I didn’t want to invite him because I don’t talk to him and I use to like him so now I feel awkward around him. Don’t get me wrong I don’t like him in that way anymore but I rather not be reminded about how I basically got played. I would’ve cried during the field day stuff but my partner genuinely made me happy so I couldn’t. She always held my hand and she wanted to sit in my lap and stuff. She was so cute and if I ever have a kid I want it to be just like her. She was sad when I had to go to and I miss her a lot. After the school day ended I had a soccer game to do. It was homecoming so everyone showed up. I played like shit the first half but then I did better the second. No goal though.. I went home and ate chipotle with my grandparents and that was pretty chill. I went home and that reminded me why I hate staying at my Moms and it was just so chaotic. I tried rescheduling my permit test and no one knows where my social security number is, and I have 2 different legal last names. It’s confusing I know but who the fuck has 2 different last names in 2 different id’s?? I just don’t like thinking about that and there’s nothing I can do. Hoco dance is tomorrow but I’m not going because I need to do homework.

I hope the rest of this year gets better because if this is just the begging I don’t think I can make it to the end.

[theninjasanctuary]

It's a bit sad how little I've managed to post in May and June, considering I've mostly been having a good time, and it would be good to recap that so I can remember later.

Threw myself a late birthday garden party towards the end of May, when the apple trees were still in bloom, the weather was lovely, as were my friends and fam who showed up, and we had nice food and a good time. This also served as summer garden party season prep, finding all the gear, dusting it off, etc. And so it was pretty easy to set up the solstice celebration garden party yesterday - pretty low-key, but sweet, with lovely weather and lots of blooming peonies. The ones I planted last August are not blooming yet this year, just gaining strength and hopefully growing strong roots in all the good soil, perhaps I can hope for a few blossoms next summer?

Thought to myself that the current year seems to be pretty good to me, all things considered. I'm making decent amounts of money, work is going okay-ish, and I'm not super-stressed about my prospects at the moment, Mom's doing okay, keeping busy, taking care of her place and enjoying life, and can cat-sit when we travel. I'm aware all of this might not last, I'm obviously in line to be the primary caretaker should Mom's health decline, and I cannot be too certain about my career outlook. And, well, apparently my big brother's marriage is in crisis and the drama might spill over even though they live in a different country, so who knows, might not have the peaceful second half of the year I hoped for.

The work trip to NYC and New Haven went kind of well. I didn't get sick, which alone is a massive upgrade compared to the last time I went to the US. The flight experience was so-so; picking a seat yourself is now ridiculously expensive (40+ €, do fuck off with that, Finnair), so I went with randomly assigned seat each direction, and of course they were in the middle 4-seat section of the cabin. On the flight over, had the middle row 4 seats all to myself, which wasn't too bad, but on the way back, the plane was pretty full, and I'd been placed into the extra legroom row in one of the middle seats, and after boarding was completed, a random dude made a beeline for the empty middle seat next to me because of the extra legroom, so then I was sandwiched between him and a hefty lady for the entirety of the flight; I was fuming internally, but also exhausted, and somehow managed to sleep for most of the nearly 9 hours. Another grumble about Finnair, they've cut the meal service so you get one meal for the transatlantic flight, and then a round of coffee or tea with an option of buying snacks - and the selection is really unappealing. On the way over, I had packed a couple of snacks, which helped. The leg back home left 11ish in the evening, and the served a warm meal at midnight NYC time or early morning destination time, and loads of people actually refused that, probably without realizing this would be the only meal on offer, because transatlantic overnight flights always used to serve breakfast before. I woke up enough to eat, although the food was less than impressive. It's a good thing we'd had a decent dinner at a Thai restaurant before leaving for the airport.

I had a work friend on the same flights, staying at the same hotel, which was even better than I expected, since it turns out he's a bit of an alpha dog when it comes to travelling, does his homework, knows exactly where to go, etc. Usually I have to do all of that, so having someone else lead the way was an interesting change. And he's chill, and a foodie, so it was nice to have someone to go to dinner with. We didn't hang out the entire time though. I shopped a little bit and very blandly (this is highly on brand), but mostly spent time diligently visiting art museums. Spent an entire day at the Met, but I think even so I only saw about 70% of their display, and that's with just walking through a lot of the rooms. Overall, more relaxed and less anxious than previous trips to the US have made me. The last time I'd been to NYC was 10 years ago, and it was stressful, with a work friend who I've since confirmed dislikes me, so it felt good to get a do-over with far less worries.

Stayed in three hotels; the NYC one was the smallest and most expensive, but clean, neat and fine, and very conveniently located, I'd gladly go back. At New Haven, the first two nights were at a four-star hotel, and they gave me an upgrade (I'm assuming they were overbooked for standard rooms and had to bump some people up; I'm cute, well spoken and take the trouble to sign up to memberships, which presumably helps). So I had a plush corner room with two walls of windows and a giant bed all to myself, it was bigger than the first apartment the boyf and I rented together. And I ordered room service one night, too, fish tacos with finger limes, I think it was the best thing I ate all trip and my mouth waters just thinking about it. Had to move hotels for the final night to a three-star one, and that was a standard room, but also rather nice. My body was trying to sabotage the entire thing by rescheduling my period, and I actually managed to leak through a tampon & Uniqlo period panties whilst sleeping there - not much, and it was on the sheets, not mattress or duvet, so I had to do some very-early-morning, half-asleep emergency washing in the sink, but hey, an anxious overpacker like me had brought a tiny bottle of stain remover that's very effective against blood stains (it's been in my travel bathroom kit just in case for a while). So that was another example of a dreaded thing actually happening to me, and managing to deal with it and move on.

All three hotels had flattering bathroom mirrors. And then I came home and weighed myself and set a new record. OTL

And it would be nice to get the expenses paid on location refunded to me ASAP (submitting all the paperwork was a hassle, but I hope everything is acceptable).

[00katrinka00]

Landcaster Legacy Gen 7 Update #58

Dear Diary, It's my birthday today! I remember not too long ago just wishing that I could become a young adult so I didn't have to listen to my parents, and I could live by my own rules, but now it all just feels so weird. -Violet

With Violet and Lacy's impending birthday, Mads was not doing so well. She couldn't believe that two more of her children, and she did view Lacy as a daughter at this point, were about to become young adults. "I cant believe it." "Mom," Violet rolled her eyes. "Just calm down."

"It feels like just yesterday, you, your father, Leo and I were living in Sulani and you were just to small and now my baby isn't a baby anymore," Mads was getting emotional. "Mom, relax, you still have Rosie, Sophie and Alex," Violet tried to assure her.

Mads suddenly got choked up, "but they aren't even small anymore." "I don't know mom, Alex and Sophie are barely toddlers," Violet joked, but that didn't stop a few tears from rolling down her Mads's face. "Um, well Jenna apparently is having a crisis and needs our help so bye."

Violet wasn't lying, Jenna was in fact having a crisis. "What's all this about?" Sage asked as the girls met Jenna in the thrift store. "I can't decide on a dress to wear under our gowns for graduation," Jenna exclaimed in a panic. "I want something mature, but still cute."

"What about this one?" Jenna came out in her first choice. "Ew," Violet said. "Absolutely not, it's giving eighth grade," Sage agreed. "I thought you wanted mature?" Lacy asked confused. "Sage is 100% correct." "Agh!" Jenna exclaimed before marching back to the changing room.

"This one?" Jenna asked. "I mean it's better," said Sage. "I don't like it," Violet interjected. "It's better than the last, definitely," said Lacy. "But I still feel like it's a bit immature, with the ombre and everything." Jenna let out a frustrated sigh.

"This is the last one," said Jenna. "Oh, that's it," Lacy said. "One thousand percent." "You really think so?" Jenna asked. "Absolutely," Sage and Violet both agreed. "Then this one it is!" exclaimed Jenna. "So, we'll see you both later for your birthday party?" "Hell yeah."

As soon as the girls got home, and changed into their party outfits, Rosie approached Lacy. "Okay, so I got vetoed with Leo's room, but can I please take you and Vi's room? You're moving soon." Lacy thought for a moment, "We'll have our own place, so I don't see why not."

"So," Leo began. "I heard from Mom that you also happened to make valedictorian." "Ugh, can you believe it?" Violet asked disgusted. "I really can't, but it's a good thing, Violet." "Is it? People will think I'm a nerd like you." "Being a nerd isn't bad," Leo said in defense.

"Seriously though," Leo said. "Congratulations, valedictorian is hard to achieve" "Oh please," Violet brushed him off. "It wasn't that hard; I don't know why you spent 4 years stressing over it. Guess I got beauty, talent and brains, maybe I am better than you" "Shut up" "Never"

And it's time to blow the candles out. I'm not crying right now you are, after over a year; Violet is officially a young adult. She rolled the hot-headed trait, and I don't really know how to feel about it.

"Oh sweetheart," Mads said. "Your father and I are so proud of you. I know you and Lacy have your hearts set on moving to Del Sol Valley soon, so your father and I wanted to gift you some furniture to decorate your new apartment with." "Mom, that's so nice."

It's Lacy's turn, and for the second time I age her up into a young adult, and I'm even more emotional this time around. I did decide to give her back the third of her original traits, so she's romantic.

"Lacy," began Mads. "I want you to know that despite everything, Ethan and I view you just as much a part of this family as we do our own children. We wanted to gift you some more furniture for your bedroom since most everything upstairs is Violet's." "Thank you Mads, I love it."

A few days later, the girls all got together before graduation. "I didn't know searching for apartments was so difficult," Violet explained. "Starting to second guess this move to Del Sol." "You're moving to Del Sol Valley WITHOUT me," Jenna exclaimed. "What the hell?"

"You want to move to Del Sol?" Violet asked. "I have like 1,000 SimTube followers it's the next step for my career. Rude that you didn't invite me." "We'd pay less in rent," Lacy noted. "My nana is a landlord in Del Sol I can talk to her," Jenna offered. "Then I guess you're in."

After their conversation the girls all headed upstairs to get ready for graduation, and naturally I had to take a million screenshots of all of them.

As graduation began, Violet was called up to give her valedictorian speech. "Hey guys," she hesitantly began. "So, uh- I didn't expect to be up here so I actually didn't prepare anything to say, unlike my brother who had his valedictorian speech written since he was like 8-"

"Why am I telling you guys this?" Violet wondered out loud. "Okay, well we're just going to wrap this up. We did it!" Confused, the graduation class began to clap. 'That was embarrassing,' Violet thought to herself as she sat back down.

First to receive their diplomas was Sage and Jenna. "Finally!" exclaimed Jenna. "I'm out of this hellscape." The principal flashed her a pointed look clearly disapproving of Jenna's words. She didn't care, after all she was graduated now.

Next up were Violet and Lacy. They had a very similar reaction to receiving their diploma's which I thought was cute.

Admittedly, I had to run graduation like 4 times before it would work, so I did take some preliminary graduation photos of all the girls in red. I preferred the red, and also Leo, Owen and Nat had their photos in red, so it was just fitting.

Of course, I had to do a solo photo of these two.

[mylifeasjazmine]

bella, where the hell you been loca?

Last year I rediscovered Tumblr and then I was on a roll, then I fell off! I’m not entirely sure how that happened but I’m back and I have a lot to say!

I’m not even sure where to start so here’s a 2023 recap;

January was calm from what I can recollect, I was still getting my autonomy back and the 31st of that month marked the one year anniversary since my accident and I’m not sure if I mentioned this but I also got a car a few days before my year anniversary which was very special to me to have been able to come full circle like that. Romantically, I didn’t have anything going on. I was going dates to fill the time but nothing serious ever evolved from any of it.

February brings me to my first trip of the year and the first time I had been able to use my flight benefits. Ashley and I took a day trip to New York and came home and drove to Miami for a day, it was quick but fun! Since I was mobile in more way than one now, I was getting back to my “old” self again. Getting dressed, hanging out with my friends.

March was nothing to write home about either. I had training for a new position at work and spent a lot of time with my niece. I can’t recall anything major happening this month either if I’m being honest. I can remember emotionally feeling a little sad because I was feeling disconnected from the world. I had gotten a little busy with work and I was becoming a little bit of a hermit crab again.

April is when the year started to pick up a little speed for me. Adel and I took a trip to Puerto Rico, it was the first time for the both of us. We had so much fun we ended up extending for another day. During this time I started to get a little into fitness and I was shedding my little hermit crab shell again. Maybe it was the braids, the tan and the warm weather, but life was feeling like life again.

May started with a bang! I went on a cruise with like 12 other family members and we had a blast. It was short but we still enjoyed ourselves. The whole month was actually pretty eventful. Allie’s surprise 30th party was that month and I also got to see Bryson Tiller live with Zamira. We sang and cried our little hearts out. Eli’s birthday is also in May so we celebrated her too. As you can see, we are well into the year and we are still batting zero in romance department, but we keep living.

June may still go down as my favorite month of the year. As soon as the month started I went to Miami with Cindy and Eli to go see Kathy before she popped out her new baby but you know we still turned it into a trip while we were out there. The week after I got back I went to Chicago with Gabby and some of the girls for her Bachelorette Trip. It wasn’t my first time in Chicago but it was the first time I spent real time there and I really enjoyed myself. When I got back from Chicago, I went to the Sorry Papi Tour with Eli and Cindy! I also had training for what would be my second promotion of the year. We also found out the gender of my brother’s newest baby, it was a boy!

July I tried to sit my ass down but I think I still had June ants in my pants. I spent 4th of July with Liz and Amanda and the kids which I love to do. I flew to Texas a few days later to spend Adel’s birthday with her. Such a cute little trip. I was trying to get back into rest mode this moth so I didn’t pop out too much after that. I remember going downtown one hot ass night with Amanda and Liz and then just spending the rest of the month in my pool trying not to die of heatstroke. I also made one year with my job, which came pretty quickly.

August is when life started to get a little interesting I think lol. This month I was feeling overwhelmed with my living situation and in that same swoop someone I know needed a dog-sitter for a few days so I packed my shit and was a dog mom for like 4 days. I won’t get into too many details but long story short, that was the last time I ever saw that person because they lied about their flight being canceled so they could stay an extra day knowing their dog was sick and I was ready to go home. That weekend was also the weekend we celebrated my Grammy’s 65th birthday. This weekend, I also started going back and forth with a handsome man that I had always been interested in back it just never seemed to happen. Before the month was over, we had hung out a few times and if I am being honest, I was feeling pretty optimistic. I blame my Sagittarius Venus for that.

September rolls around and we celebrate my godson Zavier, my niece Amaia also turned 2 this month. Not to mention, my little sister turned 18 on us! All the while, things with this handsome man seem to be working in my favor. We are spending a good amount of time together, I’m getting to know him more and I am liking what I’m seeing. At this point, the only things I’ve been up to is working, working out, spending time with my family and seeing him when I could. I think it’s important to note that neither one of us had really said anything about how we felt about the other. Everything was more of a “use your context clues” kinda vibe for a little. I also didn’t want to get ahead of myself so I was just going with the flow.

October is finally here! This is my birthday month so I knew the vibes were gonna be 1000. We kicked off the month celebrating my cousin Jazmin. We had a cousin’s night out and we had a blast. The next week was Gabby’s wedding so I traveled to the Dominican Republic for the first time. The wedding was beautiful and I cried my eyes out pretty much the whole weekend. Plus, I was the ONLY single person there. Don’t tell me I’m not one of God’s strongest soldiers because my lord lol. In between this, I am still seeing the handsome man but at this rate I have developed feelings for him and I don’t know what to do with them. So naturally, I decided to do nothing and bury them. But we were still hanging out so that was getting hard. My birthday rolls around but this year I wanted to spend it solo. So a few days before I went to dinner with some of my best friends and on the day of I just hung out with my brothers.

November hits and I’m literally catching a flight on the 1st. For my solo trip, I went to Sacramento to see my favorite artist Victoria Monet. It was an AMAZING show, I am so happy I went. While I was out there I think there was one day that I literally didn’t even speak. It was so peaceful. But it gave me time to think about some things and I felt like I was getting in over my head with the handsome man so I started to subconsciously pull back a little. When I came back from my trip, I saw him for what I didn’t know then would be the last time for 4 months. But looking back, that last time felt different. Something felt off. On the bright side, I did have training for another promotion, that makes 3 for the year. I also got to take my brother to see the Magic play at an in-season play-off game which was dope. The best thing that happened this month was rekindling my friendship with Eyad. We ran into one night out and decided to make a pact to hang out once a week and we’ve been sticking to it! He’s legitimately become one of my best friends.

December marks the end of this relatively smooth year. Christmas is my favorite holiday so the vibes were up. I hadn’t really spoken to the handsome man because I was trying to swallow those feelings I had for him. Then one day, he asks me if I listen to Christmas music and sends me a playlist. That playlist sends me into a frenzy and I can’t think straight for like 2 days. If you know me, you know how much I love music and thoughtful gifts so the me a playlist is the perfect depiction of that. It might not hold that kinda weight for everyone, and it’s probably silly, but no one has ever made me a playlist before so I was geekin’. That drove me to finally tell him how I feel about him, sort of. I told him that I like him but there’s so much more I wanted to say. He told me he liked me too but, at this point what his but was doesn’t matter because having a “but” in the first place just puts a stop to everything. What I will say is that his “but” was enough for him to just decide I need to fall back. With the tale as old as time, as I pulled away, I could feel his energy more. I tried doing on dates to distract myself but it didn’t work. The only thing that worked was time.

Fast forward to April 2024, so far I have gone on two trips and both have been with Adel. We went to New York and we just back came back from Atlanta. So far, I am on promotion number one of the year and in July I will make 2 years with my job. I have seen the handsome man again and he has sent me yet another playlist. Do I still have feelings for him? I think so, but I can’t keep driving myself crazy wondering, I have to keep on living and remember that what’s for me, will always be for me. If you made it this far, thank you for your time. This felt really good for me to release.

[cosmicwitchgod]

So uh. I guess I am confronted with the situation many people who go no contact with theirs parents have to face sooner or later.

My father is dying. I went no contact about 4 years ago, but my relationship with him was shallow at best even before. The cut happened mostly because of my mother and my father had the tendency to not have direct contact but always through my mother. I cut contact with her and in extension with him. In these four years he hasn't tried to reach out once. He had a phone, he had my address. There were means. He didn't. And one sentence birthday and Christmas cards do not count. Those came out of obligation, not as an attempt for reconciliation.

He went to the hospital around half a year ago and that's when I started to feel guilty. But I thoroughly thought about everything and knew that going to see him wouldn't change a thing. Either we all pretend like nothing happened or I'd be permanently attacked by my mother in a passive aggressive way and guilt tripped by my father. So I didn't go.

Today my mother sand a text that he was dying. My oldest sister asked if she wanted us to come. My mother's answer: Now it's too late. When asked to clarify she shot back with "you didn't come during the last 6 months when he was in the hospital. Why would you come now?"

The thing was my sister asked if my mother wanted us to come. Which obviously now means no, she doesn't. I take it that we are also not invited to the funeral. I have made peace with this situation a while ago, but it still feels weird. I guess we'll get a message when he actually dies.

Idk how to feel honestly. I'm just kinda neutral I guess. I certainly don't feel like crying. I'm not even angry at my mom, it's just frustrating. That even now she can't be honest. She's angry and hurting and instead of swallowing her pride and asking for help she lashes out as she has always done. Some people don't change. Mostly because they don't want to. And I can only control my emotions and actions. And I for one am tired of catering to her selfish and destructive behaviors.

I do feel sorry for my father a bit, but he chose this long ago. He was emotional checked out with me and my sisters for as long as I can remember. There was a brief time when he really tried, but that didn't last. To keep a healthy relationship in any sort of way going you have to work for it. Both parties do. And for years I was the only one putting in any work. So I stopped. Ironically enough, this sentiment was something he told me when I was a kid. Good old do as I say not as I do I guess.

I needed to vent into the void for a bit.

[midnite-enjoyer]

Finally decided to design my takes on the Splatoon agents! Notes below cut ^v^ (also mention of a Side Order boss)

Coral:

When they first joined the Splatoon they were really vicious and fiery, and probably said some stuff they regret today. Over the years they've mellowed considerably, though I think they can still get pretty competitive.

They technically first joined like 2-3 months before their 14th birthday. They'd snuck out to try to watch turf wars and got sidetracked by weird sewer guy. (They, when retelling this story, emphasize that following weird sewer guy was a mistake. Aubergine and Daffodil, who did the same thing, do not care.)

They used she/her during the time of Splat1, changed pronouns sometime during the two years between then and Octo Expansion, and completely forgot to inform Cuttlefish of this until after OE.

Blind in their right eye post-OE

Was a charger main in their youth, but as of yet I'm unsure if they changed mains later on. They were definitely one of Those Chargers when they were younger though

Aubergine

Aubrey for short!

He's like. Really whimsical and a bit eccentric. Perfectly pleasant individual to be around, and she's really good at knowing just what to say when you're feeling down, but sometimes she says something really perplexing out of nowhere.

He likes to people-watch in her free time.

Roommates with Eight! (This is actually canon according to the dialogue when Agent 4's Palette is obtained in Side Order.) They'll often spend late nights together just being mesmerized by crafting videos (stuff like OOAKs or miniatures)

You know how you can buy a Parallel Canon mask in Side Order? Aubrey got one for reasons she refuses to explain. Scared the shit out of poor Eight and he doesn't wear it around them if she can avoid it after that.

He doesn't main one particular weapon, he just has a stash and goes for whatever she feels like that particular day.

Eight

He never remembered his original name, so they just go by Eight. They did actually try a few other names, but none ended up sticking.

Trans :)

They're pretty calm and quiet generally, and doesn't typically initiate conversations. He does like to infodump to people he's closer to, though.

Gets annoyed if you just assume he's a technical whiz because he's Octarian, but yes, they do actually live up to that stereotype. He'll help you fix your appliances if they like you, with one fairly obvious exception...

He banned standing blenders in the apartment. Aubrey is mildly perplexed but just uses one of those hand blender things.

Brush main, but doesn't Turf War a lot. He does a lot of Salmon Run. Neither they nor Aubrey comprehend how they still smell like salmon when he comes back despite the protective gear.

Daffodil

Xe's like one of those yappy dogs to me. Really aggressive and loud during Turf War and controlled settings, but was terrified throughout his singleplayer campaign and just tried to mask it with more aggression.

Her family is in fact from Octo Canyon and left during the exodus post-Octavio fight. Daffodil very much does not talk about this and would greatly prefer if nobody outside the family ever found out about that. (In particular, they don't want Coral to think fae owes them anything.)

It generally hates being indebted to someone, so they tend to get very defensive about being given anything and Will insist on paying you back for it somehow. She even explicitly requests that nobody get xem birthday gifts (although it Does throw wild parties on aer birthday)

Actually a Squid Sisters fan, and likes a lot of their other songs besides Calamari Inkantation (and honestly thinks people are missing out when they only pay attention to the Inkantation), but didn't admit this to anyone until Liquid Sunshine came out.

Absolutely spoils Menace rotten. It pampers that little dude.

Stringer main. I must regretfully inform everyone ze probably mains REEF-LUX.

[xtrablak674]

#NameThatYear

I think I have played this game before, Google's algorithm in their Photos app creates these collages like a digital "This is Your Life", I loved the mix here so decided to see what I could remember of the origins of these images. From left to right starting at the top:

1. Twenty years ago was the last time I really dated, that was Paul and me, we dated for 4.5 years, 2003

2. 2011 I did the journey home with Museum of Contemporary African Diasporic Art, a local museum that I have also exhibited with had a ten day trip to Ghana. This was my first and last time on the continent. I hope to get back there again.

3. 1997-2000 its gotta be a range for this image of me in a shake-and-go wig for a Halloween party at my first advertising agency Kirshenbaum Bond & Partners, this was great time of my life. Young enough to be still figuring out what I wanted to do, but also getting a great foundation in marketing and advertising which would effect the rest of my working career.

4. 2013 - 2014 once again a range as I had recently had these suits made for a wedding that would be the end of a friendship and much later lead to a lawsuit with the guy who created these suits. Now that was extraneous information but top of mind, cause these suits now have a tainted history, no matter how good I look in them.

5. I think this is 2003 when my beau at the time Paul and my best friend at the time Adam took me out to a birthday dinner? at a local Brooklyn restaurant. I have written about Adam in another post here. He more than likely took this photo of me looking quite demure.

6. This tablet taken self-portrait I think was done in 2023, I had accidentally styled my hair in a way that I thought would be really photogenic. I am sitting in my window seat for this shot.

7. 2009, when my late brother was still alive this was at a monitored visit with the parents and their six children which they no longer had custody of. I am pictured with my niece Isis who I think is nineteen now. She is wear one of the animal mask I had bought to the visit. I was the only adult who thought to bring something for the children to do at these visits.

8. 2023 I think, I am trying to remember when I bought that red poncho from Ecuador, which curiously I have only worn in the house to-date. Its just like a nice shrug to throw on quickly if it gets a bit cold. I didn't realize I have clothing pieces that I have just worn in the house.

9. This might be 2022, but I could be wrong even with the same fabric panel in the back, I cycle the panels out all the time. But The Equalizer sweater came into my life in the winter I think cause I remember it was like two-hundred dollars less during the summer. Its such a statement piece this granny-square crotched turtle neck sweater.

10. I am going to guess this is like 1986 or so, and here I am photographed with my late great aunt Rose at Sunday school at Mt. Calvary Baptist Church in Harlem. This church was a place my grandparents were very invested in. I think I was wearing all white cause I was briefly on the usher board.

11. 1991 this I can say definitively because this was my employment photo for my work-study job at Ithaca College, I worked at the Information Desk and with the A/V crew setting up for meetings around campus.

12. Also '91 and I assure you I am not smiling, Eva Matuka one of my classmates who was also a model was standing by the photographer and assisting folks in getting better graduation shots. She did or said something to get me to laugh and get this now legendary shots of it looking like me smiling. I come from a long line of folks who don't really smile, lookin' at the rest of the images here you can see this is quite evident.

13. 1981 or '82 this is a school portrait at Uriah Hill my Elementary school in Peekskill where I was raised. Its also important to note my mom was still alive at the time of this photo. I recall I really loved that shirt I was wearing it was really soft.

14. 1998 just eyes and teeth in this no flash picture where I think I am at KB&P but the t-shirt I am wearing was from my volunteer work at the New York Peer AIDS Education Committee. There was a bit of controversy because as a part of my volunteer work I handed out condoms and did so while working at Reception. But this shot makes me think I was in the Interactive Department which I would eventually end up leading before I left the agency in two thousand.

15. 2023 December, coming back from small claims court where I was suing the tailor I had mentioned earlier in this list. This was one of the shots that Google edited to remove the color from the background.

[Photos by Brown Estate]

[shawnjacksonsbs]

Where is it we find peace? 2-3-24

"Buddha says "A child without courage is like a night without stars!" - Punjab

It's early.

Maybe 5:30 a.m. on this Friday morning and 4 am wake up calls . . .proves my age, I suppose.

On my mind . . .

A couple of the kids still out there in their struggles, trying their best to do it their way. And, although it isn't what I want for them, it is, in the end, on them.

Wanting to see successes from them regardless of how hard their head has to hit the wall, is something I'll carry with me always.

Love is unconditional.

Help and boundaries are not, or at least we try to hold tight, for everyone's benefit. Benefits not always seen in the short sight.

Umm, we are also going to have a few of the grands this weekend. Our youngest granddaughter had her first overnight here with her big sister, and when we take her home later her big sister will stay behind, as we wait for another granddaughter from a different family set to start a mini birthday party/sleepover celebration. Just the 2 of them. It's a little exciting, and it's always nice spending time with the grands.

Work is starting to pick up and get back on track. Starting the year with a couple of very decent jobs. Follow the Pride Fence Page for details and updates. Lol no lol

!~I had my 2 month old phone shoot craps at the beginning of the week. Usually, I imagine, most of us would start the nonstop adventure of replacing it asap. It's almost debilitating just accidentally leaving it behind or losing it. Am I right?

After printing map instructions to my job, like the Geico caveman, I had to head out because i had to be there no matter what.

I spent the day fighting all urges to call it quits and go get a new phone.

Feeling like a dopehead trying to not hit the pipe while still in the trap house, I made it through. At the end of the day, I went and got myself a new phone, new carrier, etc.

Other than just being beat out of about 2 months' worth of messages, pics, contacts, and overall data, I'm no worse for wear.

It did make me think about our way of life, though.

Like our, as in "OUR", big our, all of us here, at least in this country and culture.

Some of us older people might stand a bit better of a chance than the younger generation, but it would still be so devastating a collapse that recovery would feel impossible if we seriously lost all technology, or even just the internet.

Collapse.

Hard reset.

We depend so much on this stuff to maintain our way of life. Some may brag that they can live off the land etc, etc, but unless you're a backwood/mountain country person who only goes to town once or twice a year to trade, we would all be affected.

Obviously this happened the way it was supposed to, but man . . .I'm not looking forward to "suppose to" to be attached to the collapse of society.

I guess that empties my mind enough to restabilze my mental and emotional state for the week.

Thanx for taking time to hear me out.

As always, your thoughts are welcome.

And remember to share your love and your laughter with the world around, and be kind as always as possible.

We're all just a dead phone away from an uncomfortable day. Lol

Until next week;

"You love money and power and capitalism? You know they're never going to love you back" - Grace Farrell

[more-than-i-can-say-blog]

26. We’re doing okay at being friends, sometimes it doesn’t even hurt anymore, when I remember that we’re, you know, just friends. I’m one year sober, in a few days. A couple weeks ago I tried to hang myself in my hospital room bathroom. The very mind that is mine, overtaken with thoughts of hatred and nothingness. But today, today I was here. I was alive to celebrate my oldest sons birthday.

25. I keep drinking. Hundreds of bottles of crown have passed through this void. Never to fill it. Never to even make a puddle. Im drunk all the time. Slurring words and ruining lives. Ripping apart our relationship at its very seams. The love I have for you is real. I don’t know why I do the things I do.

24. I’ve lost my best friend. And the last of the three people who raised me. Drunken autopilot.

Break up, make up, break up, make up.

Last year I fell in love. The kind of love that only nicholas sparks can dream up.

23. Last month of the year and boy was it the best. Peer pressure turned out to be a party. And luck was in my favor this time. Her name is cait. Caitlin. With an I. Apparently it was special to her that I knew that. I knew my whole life I wasn’t meant for a man. And now I’ve found my reason why.

My grandma got diagnosed with breast cancer. Heartbreak. One I’ve never felt before. Like somehow I was living. But for days I was on autopilot, shut off from the world but somehow also shut off from myself I morned her death while she was still alive, liquor always helps the hurt.

22. We welcomed our third baby boy.

My friend and I have some drinks. I kinda like alcohol. But I have to be careful, my families both have alcoholics.

21. We welcomed a second baby boy.

20.

19. We welcomed a baby boy this year.

18. We welcomed a baby girl this year. My uncle passed away. He was like my best friend.

17. I met a guy online, he says I’m the girl of his dreams. Maybe I was meant to be with a guy. Maybe those thoughts about girls were a phase. Maybe I’m normal. The pills stopped.

Oh my god, I’m pregnant.

16. My virginity was stolen by a monstrous, evil man. Feelings of hate start growing. I hate you. I hate everything about you. Before I really knew you, I looked up to you.

You ripped to shreds, the very fabric of my innocence. Now my self worth is based on what people think of me. I live my life with flashbacks and paranoia.

I slept with one guy that I actually through was cool. Until I lost our baby and he never spoke to me again.

15. Another psych stay.

14. Another psych stay.

Hey pills. How are ya? Percocet, vicodin, tramadol, they numb your pain right? Emotional pain too?

13. I don’t quite remember exactly when it started. The autopilot. I got put in a psych unit for “at risk youth”

Drinking pretty fun.

12. I kissed my best friend this year. I told her how I felt about girls, and she feels the same way. I’m not alone.

11. Boy crazy. But, that girl on tv is catching my attention.

10. Why don’t boys interest me like they do my peers? Boy crazy.

9.

8. I don’t know why I feel like this. I’m so young yet my mind is so dark. Full of self hate. I got suspended because a teacher caught me throwing my bloody razor in the bathroom garbage can. I don’t think I’m normal.

7. The older girl across the street molested me. Though I don’t know that word nor the action until much later.

6.

5. Kindergarten is really fun. I really love my teacher.

4.I see aunt lora when I go to daycare. She works in the kitchen, I see her a lot.

3.

2.

1. My grandmother took me in at two months old. Freshly home from the nicu, born 10 weeks early and almost died from rsv.

0. I bet my mom was so happy. When she found out she was having a girl. I bet she loved me so much.