#Alistair you himbo

[pisscrossiant]

Imagine Alistair being so oblivious to the fact the F!warden and Leliana are together,

*Leliana and the Warden cuddling while Leliana plays with the Warden's hair*

Alistair: so Leliana do you have a bf yet :)

*cricket sounds*

Or imagine how oblivious he is to M!Warden and Zevran being together,

Alistair to Morrigan: Do you think the Warden has a gf yet?

*The Warden and Zevran making out in the background*

Morrigan: ... Bitch turn around.

Alistair: *Turns around* they're such good friends :)

Morrigan: you really are dumber then the dog.

[garrus-appreciation]

I'm replaying Dragon Age Origins and lemme just say AHHHH I LOVE ALISTAIR SO MUCH AUHHDHDHDBDEN 😭 I don't have the words to express it!!!! I will draw a pretty picture to put on your refrigerator soon I'm sure

[zenruu]

if you're still boiling a character as complex as alistair down to anything along the lines of: himbo, idiot, soft baby without an idea of his own, haha funny cheese man i'm straight up burning your house down with lasers and sending you directly to hell.

if you genuinely believe that man is stupid, all you're doing is admitting that you yourself cannot see beyond the incredibly transparent veil he wants to put over your eyes.

what he is is insecure, and he wants you to think he's stupid so that he doesn't have to live up to expectations he fears he won't meet. shortly after meeting him you can call him out on using humor to deflect and make himself smaller and he ADMITS IT.

he repeatedly shows you just how intelligent he is and how aware of the ways of the world he is. his history knowledge, his understanding of the chantry and its control of templars and mages that goes far beyond nearly anyone else we as the player speak with, his emotional intelligence when it comes to understanding others' intentions and needs... and this is just a thoughtless little post with quick examples i conjured up in five minutes! i'm not even doing a deep dive here! how do so many people miss all of this?

this is not advanced reading of subtext, it's incredibly simple and i'm completely unsure how people don't understand this about him.

he's such a great character for so many reasons - his flaws being some of those reasons - but a lack of intelligence is simply not one of those flaws no matter how you spin it.

[enarien]

hearing Gale talk is so weird because...

that's Alistair. that's my cute dorky romantic himbo boyfriend, why do you have diffferent face and shoot fireballs all the time? and what's with that superiority? get down on your knees like you used to

[nobroth]

Pinned post.

This will be a low-activity blog for Alistair Theirin featuring verses in Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, and Dragon Age: The Veilguard.

Guidelines will be the same as they are on @valorcorrupt. Shipping will be based on plots and interactions, please don't assume there's a ship.

Blog canon. | memes. | Bio.

Portrayal notes specific to this blog below the cut:

Alistair is 21 when the Fifth Blight begins. He has a whole bunch of trauma, religious and otherwise, to handle. He's got a complex about other people making choices for him. He will not find it cute or romantic for a Cousland to decide that they can rule together when he has repeatedly expressed that this is something he does not want (without prior discussion, prior meaning before you get to Denerim).

This portrayal will not lean towards the more serious portions of Alistair's personality. I do not see him as a light, happy himbo. Yes he's very happy and very loving when in a relationship. A good friend, a smile and a shoulder when needed. But Shale nails it when she says that he hides behind a "veil of jocularity", but he's not an idiot.

I will have verses for all outcomes from Origins, King drunk and Warden. Obvious cws apply.

Alistair's relationship with Eamon is... complicated but I won't pin it on Isolde. Isolde was also one of Eamon's victims, and though she did bad things Eamon is the one responsible. Misogynistic comments about Isolde won't fly, though there's nothing wrong for naming her as the abuser she is.

The boy is bi. Sorry, but he's not straight.

This Alistair portrayal will see him as brown with slightly pointed ears. I'm probs not gonna have icons bc I'm old and tired, but that's what he is.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Brutal Honesty Time: Dragon Age Companions Edition

Origins

I never really LIKED Alistair. No hate to those who do but I never vibed with him. He looked like my brother at the time I was playing so romance was OFF the table, but later when my brother grew his hair out ala Thor, I did romance him and while it’s cute I’m still: eh. I do think he’s best friends with some of my Wardens and do headcanon his relationship with Thea Surana is adorable (Muirin is not a good partner though.) but I just… meh.

Also, I cannot see this man as anything but straight and it’s just… I can’t. To me he’s the himbo lovable guy but he’s just not into dudes.

Wynne also never appealed to me in the sense that I felt she was preachy as fuck. She was to much a ‘older wiser mentor’ for the players and yet I felt that she was also the granny who was without a doubt to set in her ways. I have a headcanon that the Spirit of Faith that possessed her actually bound her to rigid rules. As such she cannot change really.

Dragon Age 2

Anders is to me right in his goals but I think killing him is still a reasonable reaction. I it really depends on who you play as but I’ve always felt that while I would be personally horrified the fact the Chantry did NOTHING to help the people they claim to watch over and the hell the Circles became are on their shoulders. Anders was RIGHT. But a Hawke killing him doesn’t make them wrong. Also he’s like my fifth fav romance in DA2. Yes I mean I like Sebastian’s over his. I just never clicked with Anders despite some epic lines.

Aveline as well I never… liked? To the extent others do I mean. She’s interesting but I was always wtf about her comments. She feels like a character they were forced to sort of shuffle into the story without finishing. Her entire Act 2 quest is atrocious (oh you must help her with a man really?) and I would love to explore her slowly coming to the realization that she was wrong in her actions/the system itself is broken. I think there’s a fantastic post going around to break this down firmly but I can’t really remember who made it. She’s a character I have to aggressively headcanon like Cullen to put up with.

Varric comes up to and for me… he is fun. He’s a fav for me. But I’m also sick of this guy. Most of my Hawkes are his friend because I love the ‘storyteller is the lovable rouge’ trope but like I have a few Hawkes he did not like. Yet here we are with him being besties. I really wish if we needed a continuing companion it was Dorian who has REASON to be in Tevinter. Varric can at in Kirkwall.

Inquisition

Actually a brutal honesty moment is me going: this game is rank 3 for me out of the three so far. I don’t HATE it. It’s a fun game. But god the entire open world they tried SUCKED. It’s so tedious I get bored after Haven is destroyed.

Blackwell has the better romance compared to Cullen and no you can’t tell me otherwise. It’s much more dramatic and impactful and I love him. Also people saying he killed kids ignore how the Templars murder children and how Cullen 100% was an accessory to it even if he didn’t do it himself. Also I always find it funny there’s uproar over Blackwall doing this when there is a graduation system where they MURDER INNOCENT PEOPLE but oh no that’s never discussed. Plus with how much other shit goes down- yeah Blackwall is irredeemable totally when it’s HUMAN NOBLE children who die.

I’ve said my piece about Cullen being a disappointment of a character.

I never actually liked Cassandra and even after romancing her she’s still bottom of them in my list. I’m just not able to make anyone hate me.

[sketchy-saram]

Prompt 2, Favorite Origins Romance!

(Should be shorter than the whole life story of my HoF, lmaooo)

Gosh, hmmm. Listen, I love me some Zevran, but there are a lot of reasons Alistair is a staple. You meet him the earliest, he is your only fellow Grey Warden, and he is so involved in so many of the events in the game. Alistair is such a sweet Himbo; easily led, and willing to listen to your Warden on basically all matters. (Yes, I find that appealing xD)

Morrigan is also pretty great for similar farther-reaching plot reasons--Witch Hunt is so much more satisfying imo if your Warden is hunting for her because he loves her.

Leliana has always been my last favorite, but absolutely no shade! She and Zevran will always be icons for being Bi options even way back in 2009.

I can't pretend Zev has the most story relevance, but he is my failure and I love him ❤️ End of story.

[zeph0r]

Oct 02 - Favorite Origins romance

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman in possession of chaos and trauma, must be in want of a golden retriever wife-guy.

Comrades, may I present The Most; Alistair Theirin.

Outgoing, friendly, trustworthy, eager-to-please, sweet, affectionate, devoted, intelligent, reliable, playful, gentle. I literally just listed traits from the dog breed but I bet you were nodding along. Alistair has quite a bit of nervous himbo energy, but underneath it all he's actually got a pretty firm moral compass and is much smarter than some would give him credit for - even with the ever-relatable mouth-before-brain moments. Except this one, this was definitely brain-forward: "Here. Look at this. Do you know what this is? I picked it in Lothering. I remember thinking, 'How could something so beautiful  exist in a place with so much despair and ugliness? I probably should have left it alone but I couldn't. The Darkspawn would come and their Taint would just destroy it. So I've had it ever since. I thought that I might... give it to you, actually. In a lot of ways, I think the same thing when I look at you. I thought maybe I could say something. Tell you what a rare, and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this... darkness." This is the most fucking LINE in the history of LINES. Crops? Watered. Skin? Cleared. Panties? Dropped. Depression? Ehh, it's still there but the sentiment really helped for a good long while. I still love the hell out of this fictional motherfucker, and he was my first in a string of Bioware Blondes.

[adventurous-adventures]

The Polycule Begins (26 January 2024)

Notes this session were taken by Mick

We start this session with talk about Jensen Ackles and morally grey characters with daddy issues

And lots of talk about Percy Jackson

We got severely distracted and are starting the session nearly an hour later than intended

We are heading on a quest

We are levelling up out characters and I forgot my class.... we also all forgot how to level up

IRL ASMR done by Lara using micks water bottle

"Alex is in Spain without the S" "Nah, Alex is in Spain without the A" Alex proceeds to stand up and spin

We have yet to officially start

We went full circle back to one of our first conversations where we discussed the plausibility of using a gnome as a butt plug/dildo to shoving a gnome up your ass and letting the magic go wild

We have yet to actually do shit

Georgie didn't realise that they can stack the lollies to make different flavours

Raven knocked on Westers door like he was Sheldon

"Barthen body works"

Juniper and Iphigenia go to the bakery. Juniper meets Greg (short for Gregor)

We get more cheese

Juniper successfully gaslight Iphigenia's dad-"Where are you from" "uhhh, your mum"

Greg is officially a himbo

The fantasy version of Game Of Thrones is called Fourplay (a series of plays created by a friend). Alex thought it was a sexual thing.

I screamed after accidentally calling Zain Zak. It was a decent scream

The montage of us travelling is to either On My Way (from Brother Bear but by Mick and Alex's choir) or the Indiana Jones theme song

We are travelling 25 miles per day

"Four hours of your mom"

Georgie and I keep comparing Norwegian and Danish as we are both learning them

there are 18 sets of dice on the table rn. I don't have a dice addiction, I swear.

both watches are fine on our first night of camp

"what is the first thing you guys want to do at camp?" "Die."

"Laylon" "Laylon on these nuts!"

Alex is done with us

Shenanigans ensue. Alex is still done with us "Stop jacking off your armlet please" - Zain is talking about my Pandora bracelet because when i shake my wrist it jangles (also seems he forgot the word for bracelet)

Juniper now canonically wears jangly bracelets

Zain and I just rolled two sexy 20s.

Juniper was trying to push Raven off the cart because he called her a Centaur

Juniper got clotheslined

Riverlea and Iphigenia see it in slo-mo

Alex drew Raven clotheslining Juniper

Juniper is now the shooting star meme

Georgie cracked out the soundboard

Juniper climbing onto the cart to push Raven off Raven: Call an ambulance, but not for me

Juniper sees nothing on her watch

Alex was glad he didn't pay attention when I explained what the blood eagle was

Iphigenia is about to be attacked by bees

They are not bees. They are alarmingly large wasps

Georgie is trying to rick roll Alex

free bird.mp4

we drew a map

Guardian battle.mp4 (Legend of Zelda BOTW)

in halo voice headshot

headshot x2

old mitre 10 ad is referenced

Juniper just used a level 2 spell slot to use burning hands on the wasp

Georgie rolled a slutty 20 to bonk the wasp with a mace

Riverlea caved the wasps skull in

Juniper and Raven play soccer with a wasps corpse

We get stuck in Auckland traffic

We smuggle weapons into Neverwinter

We go to the vinenratt (vine and rat)

There's only one bed. The polycule begins

Juniper, Iphigenia, and Riverlea are all cuddling on the bed, Dewdrop and Alistair's ghosts are going to try and shove Raven onto the bed

It took Divine intervention to get Raven on the bed

Raven is officially in the snuggle pile

Insert jojos tbc meme

[dareactions]

im down for fluff if you need fluff how do you think people like cullen/alistair/anders would react if their partner said they were cold? hope you're taking care and staying safe! just found your blog and love it!!

3 blonde kinda-himbo simps and their spouse, i gotchu.

Alistair: He can't help but be all giddy smiles, taking off his fur cloak and wrapping it around their shoulders. Alistair mumbles about how they're looking pouty and no matter their height will kiss their temple. He might use it as an excuse when they all set up camp to hold them in his arms, but that's his business.

Anders: At first he has to be a little bit of a bastard, he grins and Hawke knows something stupid will come out of his mouth 'Hawke, I can't control the weather.'. He sounds absolutely appalled they would even think such a thing, but then he pulls them into his arm no matter how much they're grumbling and kisses their lips. He might drop a comment or two about knowing plenty of ways to stay warm but that's neither here nor there.

Cullen: He is instant with giving them that stupid fur coat of his, you know exactly which one. Cullen puts his hands on their cheeks and then insists on getting them something warm to drink. If it's at Skyhold with moments to spare he'll steal them away to warm up by a fire, with loving whispers and well-deserved physical affection.

[sexysecy69]

Showing my friend who knows nothing of Dragon Age: Origins the companions

@kajiswatermelons only has heard me and @kirkwall-idiot complain about Dragon Age and Bioware, and has only played Mass Effect. This is what she had to say about our beloved characters

Alistair:

himbo

token straight

compensation problem (big sword little penis)

one of the first companions you get in the game

stupid

says the most annoying shit ever

Morrigan:

fanservice

the naked but clever one

liked because she's naked, disliked for everything else

a mage because of the clothes

cynical or just a bitch

you meet her at the end of the first act

Leliana:

archer

emotional

has little braids

she gets depressed and cynical after some sort of loss

Zevran:

has a pole up his ass

not fun

elfyTM

he's an elf so he must be from the aristocracy

annoying voice

he is clever and he knows it

Sten

dilf

knight with big sword

captain or general of some army

maybe one of the good ones

the captain you find in the first big city you visit in the game

stern but fair

Wynne

old but not immortal

in her 70s

the mage of the second city you visit who gives you information about the main quest

Shale

he's a gentle giant

makes cringe puns

dad vibes, father of rocks

metamorphic rock (she's a geologist)

Oghren

similar to Ghimli from LOTR but more kind

she can only think of Ghimli and nothing else

Loghain

depressedTM

look at those eyebags

every member of his family has died, from his parents to third cousins

he wants revenge and will do everything to achieve it

could be fun but isn't because of depression and edgyness

Dog

a good boy

[green-ray-blog1]

Dragon Age Origins Ostagar

Duncan drags Darrian all the way to Ostagar and walks straight to the king, Cailan. Wow, okay. Oh, he seems like an ignorant himbo, yeah, Darrian murdered a Bann who had it coming just the other day, what are you gonna do about it ? Duncan's not even phased by it, he must have other priorities. We meet Alistair, Ser Jory, and Daveth. Alistair seems like kind of a weirdo, Jory seems... alright I guess, and the rogue is apparently resigned to throwing himself at darkspawn. We meet Loghain, who's unfriendly, but seems more level headed than Cailan (although having Orlais reinforcement doesn't seem like the worst idea, if the Blight is so bad), as well as a sick dog, and are off to get darkspawn blood for a ritual and some grey warden scroll. This is extremely unsafe, even with Alistair, the outskirts of the camp are crawling with darkspawn. We meet Morrigan, the edgy witch, and she takes us to Flemeth who gives us the scroll. Both are very suspicious, but Daveth, please, you're overreacting a little, here.

Anyway, mission accomplished, back at the camp. We meet Duncan for the joining. Oh, we're drinking the darkspawn blood, great, the thing that causes the taint that dog almost died of. Darrian's right up there with Jory, this does not seem like a good idea. Daveth's up first, and he straight up drops dead! But it's okay, Duncan says he's sorry! Jory's up next and does the reasonable thing of wanting to fuck off and pleading with a sword between him and Duncan. Maybe between him and Darrian, we could take Duncan and Alist- Oooh Duncan just straight up eviscerates him in a shower of blood. Fuck. Again with the sorry, this guy is clearly insane, what is this ? Hopefully the darkspawn blood is a less painful death and Duncan's murder knife. Darrian wakes up, "Welcome", says Duncan. Fuck you, Duncan.

[cao-the-dreamer]

Thank you @dungeons-and-dragon-age for the tag! This picrew is extremely satisfying

From top to bottom, left to right: Sulemadin Surana, Galenos Amell, Ymir Brosca, Keti Hawke, Tzipporah Lavellan, and Alim Trevelyan

Sulemadin and Galenos are peak wlw/mlm solidarity. The Blight stands no chance against a mean lesbian and a himbo.

Ymir loves her dog. She also loves Alistair. She's probably looking at him rn.

Keti just witnessed the Horrors. She's unimpressed (tm).

People often joke Tzipporah and Alim look like long-lost siblings. Joke's on them because these two traumatised disasters actually adopted each other on sight.

[bigfan-fanfic]

Today was the shittiest day I ever had, can I get cuddled by my two himbos Thor and Alistair?

(Sorry about your day but also like... these two together are like, surprisingly cute and hot??? Omg????)

Thor will allow you to rest atop him while Alistair gently lays atop you, them pressing out the tension with their comfortable weight and warmth. They are strength and power and softness and warmth. Thor has the better way with words, so he'll comfort you, while Alistair can't keep his lips off you, gently kissing and nuzzling.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Even given how much of a turn off Leliana's jealousy was at first, she's turned out to be my favourite Romance in this playthrough of DAO.

I've got my little polyam quad. Mahariel, Morrigan, Zevran, & Leliana.

Alistair was my first Romance and I'm not sure anything can top that one, it's just really well written and the voice acting is superb. I also have a deep and abiding fondness for himbos, and Alistair is definitely a himbo.

But Leliana feels like she actually gives her all to a relationship. Zev does over time, but Zev is really very broken by his experiences. It takes a little more work to get Zev to understand he has intrinsic value.

Morrigan... hate to say it but that witch is cray cray. I love her anyway. She confessed love in little less than a yelling match, then pushes Mahariel away. She's just really well written and characterized like her background would have molded her.

Actually, all the DAO companions, except Sten, are pretty well written. Maybe that's why I probably have to place DAO as my favourite out of the three. The story is well written, the action has a purpose, I love the traps and poisons mechanics, and the companions are fun and deep.

Hopefully they do a better job with DA:DW romances than the ones in Inquisition. Some of DAIs are well written (Dorian's) but some are just bad. As an editor I would have gently suggested more character work on all of them except Solas's and Dorian's. And even then, I wanted to be able to ask Solas for affection like you can with the other romances.

I've played DAI the most, but that's really because of the graphics and Solas. I enjoy the crafting in DAI a lot, too. But there's some writing issues in DAI that just aren't present in DAO.

[ell-vellan]

Get to know the blogger

Tagged by @anneapocalypse ! I utterly missed this earlier, but thank you! I'll happily play despite the fact that I am terribly, terribly boring. Apologies.

Share your wallpaper: I just got a new laptop because my old one died, and I haven't customized the wallpaper yet, so it's just a cool default picture of space. Previously though it's been the cover of a thing I worked on which I'm obsessed with

Last song you listened to: Work Song by Hozier (because I can NOT get enough of the line "no grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her")

Currently reading: Burn by Jolie Vines (I preordered it but haven't gotten very far yet, though I tore through all the other books in the series), like a dozen fanfics (oh god I'm sorry I promise I'll get to them), and I left off the second book of ACOTAR whose name escapes me. I should probably finish something eventually, but I've been in an awful attention-span rut. I tend not to get into a book while I'm writing because my brain can't switch tracks like that very well

Last movie: I literally have no idea. I can't even remember lol. Wait! Maybe the new Lady Chatterley's Lover on netflix! It was okay? Didn't live up to the hype for me

Last show: I've watched nothing but Bluey on repeat for the past 72 hours. It's become background noise. The last grown up show I watched was Shadow & Bone but somehow I just can't finish it no matter how much I really really want to!

Craving: a full 12 hours alone in my house. please, God

What are you wearing right now: Red t-shirt from my hometown and pink shorts

How tall are you: 5'4"

Piercings: Ears, which are probably closed because I haven't worn earrings in ages.

Tattoos: Zero. I have a thing about something on my skin that I can't wash off, and it would drive me crazy.

Glasses? Contacts? Glasses 99 percent of the time unless it's a special occasion. My eyes rejected contacts years ago and it makes me sad.

Last drink: Water because I am a BORING BORING ADULT

Last thing you ate: Chicken margherita pasta

Favorite color: I've always said blue, but lately I think I'm shifting to a specific shade of mint somewhere between green and blue

Current obsession: I'm really deep in my work right now so I guess I can say that? I really am super into it though! It does unfortunately mean I'm between hyperfixations :/ The Dragon Age brainrot has definitely roared back to life in this past year though.

Any pets: A fat white & orange himbo and a crabby dilute calico/tabby mix

Favorite fictional character: Limiting this to just Bioware characters because I've had a lot in my lifetime: The Iron Bull, Zevran, Fenris, Alistair, James Vega, Javik, Shale, David Anderson, Lace Harding, Inquisitor Ameridan, Legion, Joker, Thane

Tag time! @thegoblinwitchqueen @meanestmeanie @beastofmoss @thebookworm0001 and anyone else who'd like to play.