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homesick4la · 1 month ago

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complicated — hamzahthefantastic

1. pushing it down and praying

contains: a little cheating..smoking, some nsfw content but nothing crazy

summary: after half a year of no contact, you run into your ex at a party.

a/n: kinda got this idea from the lizzy mcalpine song bc i am obsessed with it. so listen if you haven’t lol. also i decided to split the fic but it’s only gonna be two parts!

it’d officially been six months since you and your ex boyfriend went no contact.

the first few months were hell for you.

of course, you went through the stereotypical phase of eating ice cream and crying to rom-coms directly after your break up. but that short-lived phase gradually shifted into one that was much more melancholic once the two of you decided to go no contact.

everyday that you woke up, you were engulfed by an emotional numbness. a dull pain that served as a constant reminder of your grief.

you were grieving what the relationship was and what it could’ve been.

you had always envisioned your future with hamzah in it which is why the lack of communication between the two of you left you absolutely soulless.

you had never experienced such an intense love before him. everything was picture perfect in the beginning. it was even better than the movies.

but after two years, the miscommunication between you to became destructive.

things that should have been minor disagreements escalated into full blown arguments. you’d yell over each other, ignoring each other’s feelings and growing overwhelmingly defensive.

eventually, it became exhausting. you were both so angry all the time and too stressed with work or school to address it properly.

ultimately, you two mutually decided to call it quits. additionally, you later agreed that going no contact would be the best option for both of you.

now, half a year later, you were finally trying to move on.

after reading an endless amount of self-help books, you learned that after experiencing every stage of relationship grief (which you had), you theoretically should be ready to search for love again.

despite your reluctance, your best friends had forced you to join all the dating apps- urging you to hook up with someone new to get your mind off your ex.

it took days of swiping left on men that were literally the epitome of a walking red flag for you to finally find a man suitable enough to go on a date with.

his name was matthew. he recently graduated from college and instantly started a 9-5 working in finance. he spent his free time hiking. he had a golden retriever.

he was kind. he was stable. but he wasn’t hamzah.

you two had gone on a few dates. you had even hooked up after a couple of them.

as guilty as it made you, each hook up was spent closing your eyes- imagining hamzah on top of you. that it wasn’t matthew deep inside of you but it was hamzah; the one that knew your body like the back of his hand and knew just how to please you every time.

you were giving your all to this “moving on” stage but you simply weren’t satisfied.

that being said, when matthew had asked you to attend an old friend’s party with him on your last date, you politely agreed.

now here you were, shuffling through a crowd of sweaty bodies with a man that barely knew you guiding you by your waist.

“how do you know the host again?” you ask, nearly yelling over the music that was blasting through numerous speakers.

“he’s a friend from my hometown, remember? from ottawa?”

“right, right. i remember now.” you look up at him. you did not remember.

you two make your way into the kitchen. he pours shots of vodka into red solo cups and hands one to you.

you feel the familiar burn of alcohol stinging your throat as you down the shot.

“you look gorgeous tonight by the way. forgot to tell you earlier.” he tells you, running his hand up and down your waist.

hamzah would’ve told you earlier. he would’ve been kissing up and down your neck before you even finished your makeup while getting ready. reiterating how beautiful you are each time his lips left your skin.

fuck. there you go again. comparing everything matthew said or did to hamzah.

he’s not in your life anymore, you think to yourself. it’s time to get over him.

“thank you.” you answer matthew, mustering up a smile.

“you ready to go meet my friends?”

“yeah, let’s go! i’m excited to meet them.” you were lying straight through your teeth. but you continued to put on this enthusiastic act simply because he was nice.

he leads you to the main room where you meet a couple of his hometown friends. one named kyle. another named josh.

they were essentially carbon copies of matthew. frat bros that grew up and became finance guys.

you quietly listen as the boys catch up on one another’s lives.

until something, someone, catches your eye.

hamzah. he was across the large room with his back faced toward you. but it had to be him.

you could recognize the shape of his shoulders and you knew that those dark curls stuffed under a camo hat could only belong to him.

you stomach drops. somehow, you had never ran into him since the breakup.

the sight of him mixed with the alcohol made you sick to your stomach.

“hey”, you tap on matthew’s shoulder. “i’m gonna go find a bathroom real quick.” you explain.

“okay, just come find me when you’re done.” he replies before resuming his conversation with his friends.

you turn around, walking in the direction of a long hallway that you knew must have a bathroom.

you turn the doorknob of the first door you find and miraculously, it is a bathroom.

you clutch onto the counter, letting out a sharp exhale.

one of your hands grips to your stomach while you continue taking deep breaths.

in for 4. hold for 7. out for 8. you repeat.

a breathing technique that hamzah had taught you.

you hear the doorknob rattle. before you can say anything, the door is being launched open.

“oh shit! sorry!”, you hear a familiar voice as the door is being pulled closed again. “wait- y/n?”

the voice belonged to mandy. hamzah’s bestfriend’s girlfriend. you forgot that her and martin were from ottawa. they must’ve known the host of the party.

she steps inside, shutting the door behind her.

“are you okay? what’re you doing here? i haven’t seen you in so long.” she pulls you into a hug.

“yeah i’m here with some guy i’ve been seeing. but i saw hamzah and just needed to take a sec.” you explain during your embrace.

she pulls away, looking in your eyes.

“did he see you?”

“no, he was facing the other direction.”

“oh okay”, she nods and looks down.

“yeah. i haven’t seen him since we ended things so, it gave me a bit of panic attack.” you chuckle awkwardly.

“i’m sorry, y/n. break ups suck.” she pauses, “when i went through my first break up, i saw my ex at an amusement park about a month after. and i got so upset, i threw up in front of one of those stupid basketball games where you can win a big teddy bear.”

you laugh at her story, “seriously?”

“yes! it was so bad, the worker ended up giving me one of those huge bears out of pity!” she exclaims.

once your laughter dies down, mandy breaks the silence once again.

“he still talks about you, you know. every once in a while.”

every once in a while. you had thought of him every single day.

“every once in a while?”

“yeah. seems like most of the time it’s too hard for him to talk about. but sometimes, he can’t help himself.”

maybe he did think of you as often as you did.

“anyway”, she continues, “whose this new guy?”

she smirks teasingly.

“ugh. mandy, he’s so boring! but he’s so nice! he’s just- he’s nothing like hamzah. i don’t know- he’s really sweet, it’s just not, exciting? i guess?”

she nods. “well, if you want my advice..i say you shouldn’t stay with someone just because they’re nice to you. a lot of people are nice. only a few people will make you feel ‘sparks’ or whatever.”

you nod understandingly.

god you missed talking to her.

“i gotta get back to martin but if you want to talk to hamzah, he went out on the balcony. and let’s not have to run into each other at a random party to catch up again, ‘kay? text me.”

“okay.” you hug her tightly, “we’ll go for coffee soon.”

she smiles before exiting the bathroom.

you look into the mirror, trying to decide if going out on the balcony is a good idea.

“fuck it.” you whisper to yourself.

you didn’t know when you’d ever get the opportunity to speak to hamzah again. you had to go out on that balcony.

you walk out of the bathroom, sneaking past matthew who was still deep in conversation.

turning the corner past the main room, you find the sliding glass door to the balcony.

there he is. alone. sat on the small balcony, lighting a joint that hangs between his lips.

with his camo hat he wore a pair of dark wash jeans and white t-shirt.

you take a deep breath before reaching to slide open the door.

his head instantly whips towards you, his eyes widening a bit.

“hi.” you break the silence. you feel awkward. what are you supposed to say to someone you’ve been completely heartbroken over for the last six months?

“hey.” his eyes soften as he speaks.

“i, um- ran into mandy. she told me you were out here.” you explain to him.

he nods slowly. “come sit.” he pats the space on the floor next to him.

you do as he says. plopping onto the ground and pulling your knees to your chest.

he takes a drag from the joint between his fingers before pulling it out and handing it over to you. you two had shared a joint countless times during your relationship, making the action feel natural.

you bring the joint to your lips, sucking on it for a few seconds before blowing out the smoke and handing it back to him.

“how’ve you been?” he asks.

his voice was calm. you wondered how he could act so nonchalant in this situation.

“i’ve been okay. school’s been stressful.” you say, trying to avoid ranting about the emotional turmoil you’ve experienced since you two separated. “how about you?”

“good. just working a lot. martin and i upload multiple times a week now and run the merch ourselves so it’s been busy, but it’s fun.” his face lights up as he talks about it. he’d always been passionate about his career.

“that’s great, hamzah. i still remember when you had him up on that cracked screen just to have him on the pod.” you laugh.

“oh god, it was a shit show trying to get that thing to run properly.” he chuckles at the memory.

it falls silent for a moment.

“you still gonna become a journalist?” he asks, cocking his head to the side while looking at you.

“that’s the plan, yeah.” you answer.

“good. you were always good with words.”

“yeah?” you smile.

“of course, it’s why i was always calling you smarty pants.”

you chuckle at the nickname you’d forgotten about.

“i thought you were calling me that because of my attitude.” since childhood, you were teased for being bit of a know it all.

“i mean- yeah that was part of it.” he laughs, “but it was mostly because of that big brain of yours.”he taps his pointer finger to your temple.

“well, i don’t feel very smart these days.” you admit. “my grades have been slipping.”

“seriously? how come?”

“just had a rough last couple months.” you try to remain vague.

“your new guy not keeping you happy?”

your eyes widen. how did he know about matthew?

“did you see me with him inside?”

“yeah. i was about to walk into the kitchen when i saw you two together.”

you exhale deeply. “oh, uh. sorry about that.”

“answer my question, y/n.” his voice was low, serious.

“what?” your voice tinged with confusion.

“are you happy?”

you think for moment. you could lie, tell him you’re happy, let him believe that you’ve moved on. but everything in you wants to be honest with him.

“i’m trying to be.” you respond quietly before taking the joint from his hands and up to your mouth once again.

his eyes were glued to you as pushed the smoke from your mouth, like he was studying your face.

“that guy’s not right for you.” he shook his head as he spoke.

“hamzah, you don’t know him.” you’re not sure why you feel the need to defend matthew but you do.

“i can see what kind of guy he is—the kind that can’t even begin to grasp the complexity to you.” he explains.

“you’re high, hamzah. and you’re jumping to conclusions.”, you shift your position on the ground, “based on looks, might i add. didn’t they teach you not to do that in elementary school? the whole don’t judge a book by its cover thing? did you tune that part out?” you say as you stand from your spot. it pained you how well hamzah could read people- how accurate his description of matthew was.

“baby all this rambling makes it seem like you’re avoiding the truth—that he’s not good enough for you. and you’re not happy. i mean has he even noticed how long you’ve been gone?”

you forgot how stubborn this man could be.

you let out a defeated sigh. “it’s none of your business, really. and you’re right, i’ve been gone too long. i should get back to him.”

you steal the joint from his hand and take one last drag before you start to walk back towards the sliding glass door. you hear hamzah rise to his feet behind you.

“y/n, wait.”

you turn around, facing towards him again. “yeah?”

“i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have said that.” he apologizes.

“s’okay.”, you shrug your shoulders. “it was nice running into you.”

he nods agreeably.

you turn back around, beginning to accept that this was it. your last few seconds with him before you were back to no contact.

your hand reaches the sliding glass door, about to pull the door open when you hear hamzah’s voice once again.

“y/n, don’t go.”

don’t go.

“what?” you question, furrow your eyebrows.

he takes slow steps toward you, ditching his joint by throwing the remains of it to the floor.

he keeps walking towards you until you’re just a foot apart. he grabs your hand, pulling you to him and shifting your bodies so your lower back rested the black metal railing of the balcony as he stood directly in front of you.

his face was inches from yours. you could so easily lift your head and kiss him.

“come back to my apartment with me.” he whispered.

“why would i do that?” you replied, feeling the pace of your breath quicken due to the close proximity.

“because you miss me.” the corner of his mouth upturned into a cocky smirk. “and i miss you.”

you were speechless. all you could do was stare into his eyes, trying to decipher whether or not those words had actually just left his mouth.

you swallow harshly before speaking, “i’m here with someone else, hamzah. i’m going home with him.”

you try to stand your ground, but god you wanted to give in.

he scrunches his nose and shakes his head as he places his hands on the metal railing behind you, trapping you between his arms.

“but he doesn’t know you like i do.”

before you can respond, you feel his fingers brush your hair away from the side of your neck.

he places his hands on waist as his head falls to your neck, his plump lips hovering above your skin. your head instinctively leans to the side, giving him full access.

“does he know how much you like being kissed right here?” he whispers softly, feeling his lips move on your skin as he speaks.

he presses his lips to place where your neck and shoulder meet, remembering how much this spot had an effect on you.

you shut your eyes in utter satisfaction. you hated how much of an effect he had on you.

you bring your hands to his neck, then weaving your fingers through his curls as he continues kissing, sucking, and nipping at the sweet spots on your neck.

his hands float down, gripping onto your hips- another minuscule touch that he knew drove you crazy.

with his hands on your hips, he pulls your bodies closer. suddenly, the thought of matthew has completely vanished. you’re completely caught up in hamzah, and it felt so good- indulging in his recognizable scent and familiar touch.

you let out a soft moan as his hand falls to your ass, grabbing it shamelessly.

“hamzah, hamzah— i can’t, we can’t do this.” you say breathlessly, using your hand to tap on his chest.

hamzah steps back, his breath unsteady as watches you carefully, his gaze lingering on your lips. for a moment, you think he isn’t going to say anything— that he was just going to turn around and walk away.

but then he leans, his voice low “meet me outside in five.” his tone carrying both a question and a promise.

you feel a rush of nerves as he walks away, opening the sliding glass door and slipping back into the crowd.

you stay out there for a moment, catching your breath.

you shouldn’t go. you know you shouldn’t.

but you couldn’t stop thinking about the way he looked at you.

next part: with you all night

a/n: yuppppp part two coming very very soon and it’s gonna pick up right where this leaves off. sorry if this is long and boring, tbh i just needed something to distract myself from everything going on lol…k bye muah

#hamzahthefantastic #slushy noobz #hamzah x y/n #hamzah imagines #hamzah x reader #hamzah fic #hamzah #Spotify

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starsareshinning · 5 months ago

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High School AU: What year everyone is in and some Info

SENIORS

Annalise Lusen Mia: She’s a student nurse that had an opportunity to learn from the nurse working at Proxy High. She took it now she goes to the nurses office whenever she can to learn and help out.

Liu Woods: Moving from Ottawa to Toronto he’s brand new to the district and city. Liu looks like your average loser, but he’s much more. A lot more social.

Helen Otis: Helen was actually sent to jail for attempted murder. He lied and manipulated his way through, pretending he was getting better. He is now back in Proxy High. He has a weird obsession with blood.

Candy Pop: Funky little jester who looks as if he’s ready to catch Pokémon! He was born in New York but now lives in Toronto Canada with a weird man (human Night Terrors) who he avoids by filling up his free time with after school activities.

Nathan Maxwell Lux: Goth guy who’s a hater and can be a bitch. He’s also Candy Pop’s best friend and neighbor, which can suck because Candy Pop is annoying as hell. But they get along. Somehow.

Dina Angela Clark: Dina is known for being a sweetheart, her whole reputation was built upon her sweetness. She helps out whenever and whoever she can. Everyone calls her an Angel. However, just because she is an angel, doesn’t mean she’ll let people walk over her.

Kagekao: School’s one and only plug. I’m not kidding when I say that. Kagekao provides people with drugs and alcohol, though he only provides it to trusted and known people. Ones who won’t snitch. He’s also one of the rich students that attends Proxy High.

Jason Meyers: Honor student. His parents expect highly of him, and so his own exceptions of himself are high. Though his wish is to be a toymaker, he knows his parents would kill him if he ever said that out loud. Jason gets bullied because he is: British, a born red head, self-centered, and worst of all…he wears a top hat.

Ciara H. Callaghan: In a loving and healthy relationship with Nathan. She’s a confident student, doesn’t let anyone mess with her or someone she care deeply about. Lives with Candy Pop and (human) Night Terrors.

JUNIORS

Alice Marie Jackson (Zero): Alice prefers to go by Zero. Her adopted father is abusive to her so she usually spends her nights at Kagekao’s rich ass mansion. It’s gotten to the point where she can be called a roommate.

Jack Nyras: Most people dislike him because of his personality. Which is sarcastic while also being a smart ass. Group projects with him? You won’t be doing anything. He does all the work. He chooses to do all the work just because he doesn’t trust anyone else. Despite this, he can be caring for some people. He lives with his three siblings and older cousin.

Jonathan Blake (The Puppeteer): He’s sort of a sad little man these days. Found out his girlfriend cheated on him, but he has his best friend Helen Otis. Jon likes instruments and arts! He works as a delivery person. Delivers pizza at night and newspaper in the morning.

Laughing Jack: Schools personal clown. People either hate him or love him, he pulls pranks on anyone, anything, and everyone. No one is safe from him. Not even the teachers! He’s gotten in trouble because of his pranks. Oh and. He’s most likely never going to graduate. So. Have Fun LJ. His childhood best friend who was Issac Grossman turned out to be a serial killer, so that fucked him up a bit. But, he distracts himself with jokes and avoids people who want to question him about it.

Laughing Jill: She is Laughing Jacks twin sister. She’s the better twin. She does pull pranks, however her pranks only targets assholes like school bullies! Sometimes she gets pulled into LJ’s shenanigans. She does ballet after school!

Jane Richardson: She’s in a relationship with Mary. She’s also an honor student! Jane doesn’t mess around with her grades, she does everything on time and completed. She wants to make her parents proud (they already are).

Natalie Oullette: Natalie is known for getting into fights. She’s a sucker breaker through and through. She skips most of her classes and leaves the school when it gets to lunchtime. Her family is a mess which she avoids ever interacting with.

Sophomores

William Grossman: Will loves crime podcasts, especially the ones that talk about his cousin: Issac Grossman. He works at a hotdog stand at the malls food court, needing money because he’s poor. He gets bullied because he’s poor. It’s not fun.

Jeffery Alan Woods: Liu’s younger brother who helps Liu sneak out of the house occasionally. Jeff is a closeted homosexual who wants to become emo, but unfortunately cannot because of how strict and religious his parents are. He hates going to a new school because he has to make new friends, and that’s a bit difficult to do when you keep moving.

Frankie: He has an alcoholic deadbeat father who uses the money he earns to get more alcohol. And his mother is a junkie that won’t quit doing drugs. So to provide for him and his little sister, he sometimes steals his parents booze and drugs to sell them on the streets. Frankie sometimes works at the mall as well. Part time worker.

Cody Richards: Cody is a science and biology nerd. His adopted father is a famous scientist so he wants to follow his legacy. However he’s also a straight forward guy who will insult anyone who annoys him, even when they’re right in front of him.

Tobias Erin Rogers: Toby’s parents are going through a divorce, which meant he could no longer stayed homeschooled. It was a hard decision, but his mom had to let him go into public school. Toby’s excited to start his first year at Proxy High! (Oh he’s so cooked.)

Freshmen

Nina Hopkins: Nina runs the biggest gossip blog, she’s been running it since elementary. She knows everyone and everyone knows her. Because her parents are busy she lives with her grandma and her little brother, Chris.

Kate Milens: Kate is sort of a social student! She talks to anyone that she thinks is interesting enough. When she’s not talking she listening to music and sketching on her sketch book. She likes hearing Nina yap about her blog.

Vaughn Pavel Volikov: Or more known as Vine is a very sad and traumatized student. His foster parents sent him into public school. He hates interacting with older men that isn’t Papa Grande (who he finds comfort in). Once he’s at the age of eighteen he inherits his father’s fortune.

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cuttergauthier · 1 year ago

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Hate Me First, Love Me Later

Josh Norris x Female Tkachuk Reader

Warning: against, Swear words, wedding, Alcohol, fluff

Flashbacks is in Italic

word count:6.3k

Authors note: This is the longest Fic i've ever written, it' an enemies to lovers fic with Josh. This Fic has time jumps. Also let me know if you want me to make this an au🤍

This Insta Edit coming out that follows this fic.

let me know what you guys think🤍

Summer 2018

It is currently summer, and I am at home in St. Louis with my family. Hockey season is officially over which means both my brothers are home. I am currently in my room sitting on my bed and I have both University letters that I applied for in front of me right now, I'm scared to open them.

My dream school has always been Ottawa but it’s hard to get accepted. My second choice is Michigan since the Norris family lives pretty close to Ann Arbor. The only thing that sucks is that Josh will be a Sophomore at Michigan and we do not get along.

We’ve known each other since we were kids, Brady and Josh played in the Untdp together which is when we met, our parents became good friends. Dalton has always been like an older brother to me. Josh on the other hand has always been mean to me, whether it was insulting me, or pulling my hair when we were 12 years old or making fun of me in front of my friends and it never got better. I thought back to the first time I met Josh.

Flashback

We are 15 years old, it is my first time spending the summer at the Hughes Lake house along with my family and Josh’s family.

We just got to the Lake house when Ellen and Traci came outside with Josh.

“Josh this is Yn, she is Brady's younger sister and she's going to be spending the summer with us.” Traci told Josh. Josh made a disgusting look when he looked at me and then back at his mother.

“I don’t want to be friends with her” he told his mom before going back inside the house. I looked at my mom with a sad look. Her, Traci and Ellen gave me a sad smile.

“I’m sorry Yn, he’s not usually like this, it’ll get better I promise '' Traci reassured me.

I nodded.

End of flashback

It never got better, it only got worse.

I snapped out of it when there was a knock on my door.

“Come in,” I said. Matthew poked his head in the room smiling, but it soon disappeared when he saw the nervous look on my face. He came in and closed the door behind him. He made his way to the bed and sat in front of me.

“What’s going on? Are you okay?” He asked worriedly.

I sighed and shocked my head before pointing and both letters that are next to him. He looked and his eyes widened.

“When did they come in?” He asked, looking back at me.

“This morning, mom gave them to me. I told her I wanted to open them alone before telling everyone but I'm scared” I told him.

He smiled softly at me before picking them up and giving them to me.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” He asked.

“Would you?”

“Of course, now open them so I know which shirt I’ll need to buy to support you” he said smiling. I chuckled before putting the Michigan letter down and opening my Ottawa letter.

I took a deep breath before smiling and reading the letter. My smile soon disappeared when I learned I am on the waitlist.

“What does it say?” Matthew asked worriedly.

I brushed off tears that were threatening to fall. I shock my head.

“Waitlisted” I said sadly.

“Yn, it’s going to be okay, even if you don’t start there, you might be able to go after your first year,” he said. I nodded. I knew all of that, I just wish I could have been accepted immediately.

I grabbed the Michigan letter and opened it. I read it, and I got accepted. Matthew raised his eyebrows in question. I nodded my head. Matt leaned forward to pull me in a hug.

“I’m proud of you no matter what, and in Michigan you’ll have Josh and Quinn,” he said, trying to encourage me. I scoffed, pulling away from the hug and giving him a ‘are you for real’ look.

Matthew laughed.

“Look, maybe this will get you and Josh to be friends,” he said hopefully.

“I doubt it Matt, please don’t tell any of them i’m going there” I said. He nodded.

“I won’t but Brady might tell Quinn who might tell Josh, and we all know that mom and dad will tell Dwayne and Traci” he said, making me groan.

“Come on, let’s go tell everyone the news” he said, taking my hand and pulling me downstairs where everyone was.

“Yn has something she wants to share with everyone” he said smiling.

“Did you open the letters?” Mom asked. Brady’s eyes widened.

“Oh where are you going?” Brady asked excitedly, I know he was hopping I was going to Ottawa with him.

“Michigan… I got waitlisted for Ottawa, but i’ll try again next year” I said hopeful.

Everyone smiled and came to give me a hug and congratulated me.

“As much as i wish you would be joining me in Ottawa, you won’t be alone in Michigan, Wait till I tell Quinn and Josh about this,” Brady said happily. My eyes widened, I shook my head.

“Please don’t, Josh and I don’t get along. If you tell Quinn please tell him not to tell Josh. I don't want him knowing I'll be there” I asked.

My mom looked at me sadly.

“Can we at least tell Dwayne and Traci, same with Jim and Ellen? If there’s ever anything and your dad and I can’t be there we know that one of them will be.” My mom asked.

I nodded.

“Can you just please ask them if they don’t tell Josh?” I asked

“I will sweetheart, I’m incredibly proud of you, all my kids are now grown ups” she said smiling softly, with tears in her eyes.

“Don’t worry mom, Matthew still acts like a kid” Brady said, making everyone laugh.

First week, Michigan 2018

I’ve been getting settled in Michigan for the past week. My parents went back to St. Louis yesterday. I’m in a single dorm room which i’m happy about, I didn’t want a roommate.

My mom ended up telling Dwayne and Traci along with Jim and Ellen that I was starting the year here. They were all very happy, they also promised not to tell Josh and to let me do it once I was ready, but they did let Quinn know so he could keep an eye on me, or help show me around, thankfully he promised not to tell Josh.

Classes are starting soon, I’m excited yet nervous since I don’t know anyone here. I’ve never been shy so I know I'll be able to make friends, I just have to make sure not to tell them I'm related to Matthew and Brady because when people find out that’s one of the only reasons they want to be friends.

I just hope everything goes well when classes start.

One Month, Michigan 2018

I’ve been here for a month now, classes have been good, I've made a friend whose name is Molly. Her dorm is right next to mine, it turns out her brother plays on the hockey team.

I also met her brother, I have Econ with him and a few other freshmen on the men’s hockey team. After Molly introduced me to her brother, he introduced me to Nick since we all have Econ together I usually sit with them.

The boys invited me to a party tonight which the sophomore’s are throwing at their house. I was a little hesitant to accept since Josh will be there since it’s at his house.

But it’s already been a month so he’s going to find out soon anyways plus I don’t like lying to the guys about who I am, so I ended up accepting.

Molly was also going so she asked if I wanted to pregame with her, which I gladly agreed. Jimmy ended up getting one of the seniors on the team to buy us alcohol, which thank god since if i’m going to be seeing Josh, I’ll need alcohol in my system.

Molly and I were sitting on her bed talking and drinking. I've been nervous the whole day. I don’t know how Josh will react when he sees me, will he make a scene in front of everyone? Will he tell the guys not to talk to me again? Will they listen to him?

“Yn are you okay? You look nervous” Molly asked worriedly. I sighed before nodding.

“I didn’t really tell anyone here about this but um, I already know Josh Norris and I didn’t know who your brother was before but then I found out they’re teammates. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but my family is really close with him along with the Hughes family since my brother Brady played in the Untdp with Josh and Quinn.” I said she looked at me surprised.

“It’s fine I get why you didn’t tell me you didn’t want him to find out you go here, and by Brady do you mean Brady Tkachuk?” She asked. I nodded.

“Okay then, I guess we both have brothers who play hockey,” she said, making me chuckle.

“So you’re not mad I didn’t tell you?” I asked worriedly. She shook her head and smiled.

“Not at all” she said

“Great, I was worried that when you found out you wouldn’t want to be friends anymore” I said and she laughed.

“I understand why you didn’t want anyone to know, i’m not going to stop being friends with you because of it” she said and I smiled

“I’m just worried that Josh might cause a scene tonight when he sees me,” I said.

“If it gets to much, or he starts to make a scene, let me know and we’ll leave”

“I don’t want you to leave the party because of me”

“Don’t worry about it, I wouldn’t leave you alone” she said smiling.

After a while we met up with her brother, along with Nick. We all made our way to the party together thank god. I ended up warning them about the Josh situation, just like Molly they understood.

Once we got there we made our way to the living room where it was already packed with people. Nick and Jimmy went to get us some drinks. When they got back they gave Molly and I a white claw. I’m already feeling a little drunk, but not too bad.

We kept talking when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned around confused to see a happy Quinn Hughes, which made me smile. Quinn is probably one of the Nicest guys ever, I like him, and unlike Josh he actually likes me.

Quinn Smiled brightly.

“I thought that was you, how are you enjoying Michigan?” He rambled before pulling me in a hug. I Chuckled.

“I like it,” I replied. He pulled away from the hug before looking at me confused.

“I’m glad, remember to text me if you ever need anything?”

“I know” I said

“ I could have showed you around campus, you know” he said. I could tell he was a little hurt that I ask him.

“I’m sorry Quinn, but I didn’t want to risk Josh finding out” I said, Quinn’s eyes softened.

“Well if he tries anything, let me know, he’s not the only one who lives here” he said.

“Thanks Quinn” I said.

“He’s in the kitchen now if you just want to get it over with,” Quinn said.

I looked at him before looking at Molly and the guys. They nodded.

“Okay sure probably best to just do that, if it goes south Molly, can yo…” I started but she cut me off

“I’ll rescue you, I promise,” she said with a smile.

“Thank you” I said before looking back at Quinn and nodding.

As we started walking I got even more nervous than I already was.

we made our way to the guys.

Josh has his back to us so he can’t see us making our way to them, but Will looked our way and his eyes widened, he was at the lake house for a bit this summer.

Josh turned around confused but when his eyes landed on me, he was pissed.

He met Quinn and I half way And looked down at me with a glare. If I was anyone else they probably would have been terrified and honestly I was a little bit, Josh is way taller than me, I'm only 5”5 so he’s towering over me.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he said harshly.

Quinn looked at him Annoyed

“Josh seriously, leave her alone. She’s a student here now, and unlike you I actually like her along with some of the freshmen so she’s not going anywhere "Quinn told him.

Josh rolled his eyes and laughed. What the hell was so funny?

“Just because you go here now, doesn’t mean I'm going to start being nice to you” he said looking me straight in the eyes.

“Wouldn’t expect anything else from you” I said annoyed.

He just rolled his eyes and went back to the rest of the guys.

“Well that went better than expected, '' Quinn said surprised, which made me laugh.

“Same Quinn, I honestly thought It was going to be worse.”

If it wasn’t the fact that Josh was angry with me, I actually thought he looked amazing. I thought, I snapped out of it, what the hell? I can’t stand the guy and now I think he looks good? I think I had enough to drink.

March 2019

(Pretend they made it to the big ten)

With Josh finding out that I'm in Michigan I thought it would be worse than it is. I think Quinn has been keeping him in check, which I am very grateful for.

I’ve been going to the hockey game with Molly, we got even more close.

Even though Josh still tries to make my life a living hell, the rest of the guys on the team like me.

I reapplied to Ottawa about a month ago. I'm still waiting for my acceptance letter by email, I didn’t tell the guys, the only one who knows is Molly.

It’s now Monday and this weekend the guys are going to Minnesota for the Big Ten Championship. Molly was going with her parents since it’s a big game for the boys.

I really hope they win, they’ve been playing amazing.

I am currently in my dorm room working on some homework when my phone starts ringing. I looked to see that Traci was calling me.

I answered.

“Hey Traci” I said happily, she’s always been like a second mom to me.

“Hey sweetheart, what are you up to?” She asked

“Right now I am finishing some homework, what’s up?” I asked.

“That’s good, I always have to keep those grades up,” she said, making me laugh.

“I was actually wondering if you wanted to come with Dwayne and I to Minnesota this weekend for the Big Ten Championship game?” She asked.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Josh and I don’t exactly get along”

“Sweetheart, that doesn’t matter, I know Molly is also going and Dwayne and I love you like a daughter so we thought we would ask, you don’t have to if you don’t want to” she said softly. I thought about it for a few seconds. I can complete all my homework before, and that way I won’t be alone in Ann Arbor when all my friends are in Minnesota.

I smiled softly.

“I’d love to,” I said.

“Perfect, I can’t wait, I’ll send you the details” she said happily.

“Thank you Traci”

“Anytime sweetheart, I'll let you get back to your homework” she said.

Once we said our goodbyes I hung up and texted Molly to tell her I was going to Minnesota with them, she’s excited and so am I.

Big Ten Championship, 2019

Dwayne, Traci and I got to Minnesota this Morning after we made our way to the hotel. Traci and I met up with Molly and her mom, along with Ellen and we went to do a little bit of shopping at the mall. That game is tonight, so at 3 we all made our ways back to the hotel so we could get ready for the game.

I was nervous the whole game but luckily Michigan was able to win. Thankfully it’s Friday, and everyone is leaving to go back to Michigan tomorrow morning. The guys have already said they are throwing a party as soon as they step foot in Ann Arbor.

As soon as the plane landed Traci and Dwayne dropped us off on Campus where we both made our way to our dorms to get ready for this party and hang out with the boys.

They’re flight is supposed to land in an hour, so we have time to chat and get ready.

When the boys were ready to get the party started Quinn texted me to let me know we could go over to the seniors house.

Once we arrived we started drinking with the boys, they were already drinking full swing when we got there.

Talking and partying with them is always fun.

At around 8:00 p.m. I saw Josh make his way to the kitchen, probably to get himself another drink, I followed him there. He took a beer out of the cooler, he turned around to see me there, I smiled weakly.

“Do you mind giving me one?” I asked.

He rolled his eyes before taking a second beer and passing it to me.

I smiled

“Thank you.” I replied.

He gave me a small nod and went to walk away but I stopped him.

There was no one else in the kitchen, everyone was either in the living room or outside.

“Wait” I rushed out so he wouldn’t leave.

He stopped in his tracks before turning and looking at me. He raised his eyebrows in question.

“What?” He asked, annoyed.

I was a little drunk but not too bad, but thankfully when I have alcohol in my system I’m not scared to talk to him.

“I just wanted to say congrats, you guys played really well” I said.

He nodded and went to walk away again.

“Why do you hate me so much?” I blurted out.

Josh rolled his eyes.

“Because I don’t like you,” he said and walked away. Why can’t he see me the same way I see him? He’s an incredible person even though he’s always mean to me, he’s nice to everyone else he’d do anything for his friends or family. I just wish he liked me.

It sucks having a crush on someone when that someone hates you.

I sighed before making my way back to Molly.

Frozen four 2019

I finally got the Letter from Ottawa. I've been accepted so it means I'll be moving there next year. Molly was a little sad when she found out I was leaving Umich but she was also excited for me to be going to my dream school, she told me that we would still stay in touch and we both promised to visit each other.

Jimmy heard the conversation and ended up telling Will who told Josh. Josh ended up coming to my door angry saying that the only reason I was going to Ottawa was because he was going to Ottawa. I was going since it’s my dream school and my brother is also there.

The argument ended in a screaming match and we haven’t talked to each other since.

I really wish we could get along but I don’t think we ever will.

I went to Tampa with Dwayne and Traci to watch the Frozen Four, sadly the boys lost, which meant Josh left for Ottawa, Quinn was leaving for Vancouver, it was an emotional time.

Once I got back to Umich, the last 2 weeks of University flew by. I said goodbye to Molly and the guys before finally heading home to St. Louis.

Three Years Later, Summer 2023

NHL playoff we’re officially over, sadly Matty lost in the finals against Vegas and got injured but they had a good run.

Everyone has been home for a while now. We are leaving today to go to New Jersey for Brady and Emma’s wedding.

I can’t wait to finally have another sister. Emma and Brady are perfect for each other, I hope someday I’ll find that type of love.

Three years went by fast, I spent the past three years in Ottawa ignoring Josh, it wasn’t that hard since he was also keeping his distance from me.

Thankfully the flight went by fast and I was able to sleep on the plane, I didn’t spend it worrying about seeing Josh. The whole Norris family along with the Hughes family will be at the wedding. As excited as I am to see Dalton, Quinn, Josh and Jack, I am not excited to see Josh.

Josh and I have seen each other a few time in Ottawa but the only time we talked to each other was to argue, it only got worse after he accused me of only going to Ottawa to make his life a living hell since I was going to be in Ottawa. I never told anyone about that fight, they all know we don’t get along so it won’t be a surprise if we get into an argument at the wedding.

My parents warned me to try and not make a scene to ruin Brady and Emma’s wedding. I totally understand that’s the last thing I want to do, plus we are all adults here.

Rehearsal dinner

Once Taryn and I were ready we met up with Matty and our parents to go to the venue.

I’m so nervous about seeing Josh, that's all I can think about. Once we get there he’s the first one I see, he’s with his brother and parents he had his back to me which meant he didn’t see me but Dalton did so he waved and smiled. I did the same, that’s when Josh turned around confused and saw me, all he did was send me a glare and went back to talking with his brother.

I really hope this doesn’t cause any trouble.

During the end of the night when everyone was around talking and drinking I made my way out on the balcony so I could get some fresh air.

I didn’t realize anyone followed me until I heard the door slide open and then shut.

I turned around only to find Josh.

I rolled my eyes and turned back around to look at the view.

If he doesn’t want to be anywhere near me, why did he follow me outside?

“What do you want Josh?” I asked, annoyed, when he came and stood next to me. I looked up to see he was looking at the sky.

He looks really good in his suit.

“I just thought I’d tell you not to cause a scene this weekend and ruin your brother’s wedding” he said

I scoffed before turning fully to look at him.

“Screw you, I was doing pretty good at ignoring you, why the hell did you have to come out here and start this?” I asked angrily.

He chuckled

“This is what I meant all you had to do was agree and move on,” he said, pissed.

“You started it, What the hell is a matter with you? It’s always like this… why do you hate me so much?” I asked, pissed.

“Because you deserve it”

I scoffed.

“Except I don’t… i’ll i’ve ever tried to do was be nice to you… what have I ever done to you to make you hate me so much?…” I said tears are threatening to fall. Before Josh could say anything Matt interrupted.

“That’s enough you two, don’t do this here” I heard Matt say before he pulled me away. I saw Dalton and Quinn giving me a sad look before he pulled Josh back inside.

I was so focused on the argument I never realized they’d made their way outside.

Once Josh, Dalton and Quinn made their way inside Matt, looked at me worried.

“What happened between the two of you? Usually when you guys know something important, you guys ignore each other, I mean brady always said you guys mostly ignored each other in Ottawa except for a few times… Did something happen?” Matt asked.

I sighed before nodding my head.

“When I got accepted to Ottawa three years ago as you know, I had only told Molly, but turns out Jimmy had heard so he told Will who told Josh… Josh accused me of only going to Ottawa because he was also going, so I could make his life a living hell, which is why i tried ignoring him as much as I could for the past three years” I said, wiping away the tears that rolled down my cheek.

Matthew signed before pulling me in a hug. I started to silently cry.

“I’m so sorry, Yn” he said sadly.

“Why does he hate me so much? Should have I stayed in Michigan? Should I never had moved to Ottawa in the First place?” I asked

Should I have let him win and stayed in Michigan even though Ottawa to my dream school three years ago? Should I have left my dreams while he goes to live his? Should I leave the Job I’m supposed to start in September in Ottawa and stay in St. Louis?

“First off you Went to Ottawa because you had worked your ass off for it, so you weren’t ever going to back out. Second I don’t think he’s ever hated you, so you better not be thinking of turning that job down in Ottawa just to please him…” matt said

“You literally just heard him, he clearly doesn’t like me… I just wish he could see me the way I see him” I blurt out. I look at Matt with wide eyes, I can't believe I just said that.

Matt started smirking.

“Stop, you better not say anything” I pointed at him.

He raised his hands up in surrender.

“Look I won’t say anything… but guys are kinda idiots so we usually do stupid things when we like a girl… I think he might actually feel the same way he’s just too afraid to say anything, "Matt said, making me laugh.

“Yeah right” I said in disbelief, there is no way Josh feels the same way about me. I won’t believe it.

Matt and I finally made our way inside, we didn’t mention what happened to anyone, no chance was I going to ruin Brady and Emma’s night.

I didn’t see Josh anywhere so maybe he left.

Once the night was over we all made our ways to our rooms. Thankfully I'm rooming with Taryn. When I was finally ready for bed, Taryn was laying on her phone when she saw me making my way to my bed.

“What happened on the balcony tonight?” She was curious. She put her phone on the bedside table before looking at me.

I looked at her shocked, I didn’t realize anyone noticed we were there.

“You saw that?” I asked, before getting under the blanket.

“Yeah, Emma’s the one who noticed and told me, '' she said. I looked at her Guilty. Fuck i was really hopping neither Emma or Brady saw that.

Taryn saw my guilty look before she reassured me.

“Don’t worry, she wasn’t mad… she was just worried about you… apparently she thinks you like Josh or something?” She said

My eyes widened.

“What about me? Puff no…” I struggle nervously. Taryn's eyes widened before she started laughing.

“Oh my god, she was right? Why the hell didn’t you tell me this?” She asked

“Because he’s never going to feel the same way” I mumbled, but she still heard me.

“He’s an idiot if he doesn’t and you never know… maybe Dalton or even Quinn will talk some sense into him. Plus tomorrow’s the wedding and a lot of people fall in love at weddings…” she said.

“Are we still talking about Josh and I? Or is there something you want to tell me?” I laughed.

She chuckled.

“We’re still talking about you and Josh,” she said, chuckling.

“Whatever, get some sleep we have to wake up early tomorrow” I said.

“Good night sis” she said

“Good night,” I replied, yawning.

Wedding day

Taryn and I woke up early to make our way to the suite so we could get ready with Emma since we were both bridesmaids.

Emma is absolutely stunning. I know for a fact that Brady will cry, Taryn and I made a bet with Matty. Once it was time to make our way to the ceremony we made our way down to meet the groomsmen, I’m walking with Quinn thankfully.

When Quinn saw me he smiled. I stood next to him so he gave me a side hug.

“You look beautiful,” he said. I smiled at him.

“Thank you, you don’t look too bad yourself” I said, making him chuckle.

The pair started making their way down the aisle, before it was our turn, Quinn leaned in my ear to whisper.

“Josh is going to try and talk to you at the reception… I promise everything will go alright, Dalton and I talked to him last night, you should hear him out” he said, I sent him a nod.

The ceremony went amazing, I cried during their vows. When Brady saw Emma walking down the aisle he cried, both Taryn and I sent him a look that said you better pay up.

After the ceremony we all made our way outside for pictures before going to the reception.

At the reception after the speeches I saw Josh looking at me. I thought about what Quinn said, it still made me nervous so I tried to ignore him until I was at least tipsy.

I talked with Kevin Hayes and his wife. They got married about a week ago, it was a beautiful wedding.

“Why is it that when I leave St. Louis you get traded there?” I asked smirking, He laughed and shrugged.

“Promise me you’ll visit when you visit home?” He asked

“I promise,” I said chuckling.

I saw Josh make his way to the balcony, I was finally tipsy so I went to the open bar to get another drink before making my way to him.

I took a deep breath before opening the door.

He was leaning on the railing looking at the sky in front of him.

I made my way and stood next to him.

It was quiet for a few minutes and I was just starting to get even more nervous so I decided to speak up.

“Quinn said you wanted to talk to me?” I asked, looking at him.

He looked at me and smiled shyly. He took a deep breath before nodding.

“I’m sorry” he said

I scoffed, is that really all he has to say?

“Sorry for what exactly?” I asked, annoyed.

He rolled his eyes

“I knew you were going to be difficult” he replied annoyed

I signed before scratching my head.

“Look Josh I’m tired of fighting with you, why are you always so mean to me?” I said sadly.

If he could just tell me why, I'll leave him alone after and he won’t have to talk to me again.

He sighed before turning to look at me fully. He was standing right in front of me. My face was inches away from his chest. I looked up at him.

“I never meant to be so mean to you, or hurt your feelings, trust me I know, i’ve heard it from our friends and my family…”

“Then why are you?” I whispered looking up at him.

He raised his hand to my cheek stroking it with his thumb.

“I’m really sorry, I really like you, always have but when we first met I thought you had a crush on Jack and I guess I was jealous and according to Quinn I was very wrong but when I finally figured out that wasn’t the case I really thought you hated me for the way I treated you so I just never stopped…” he said caressing my cheek.

I looked at his eyes, I could tell he was sorry, that he meant every word he just said.

“I never had a crush on Jack, him, Luke and Quinn have always been like brothers to me…same with your brother, you’re the one I had a crush on and Jack figured it out so he would always tease me about it when we were kids” I said chuckling.

He smiled.

I saw him look from my lips then back to my eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked

“I’d like that,” I said smiling.

He leaned down and smashed his lips to mine. Our lips moved in sync. I moved my hands to his chest.

One of his hands was still on my cheek, he moved the other around my waist and pulled me closer, deepening the kiss.

Before the kiss could get too heated we pulled away breathing heavily. I smiled looking at him.

“I’ve been waiting to do that since we were 15” he said smiling. I giggled.

“I'm glad you finally did,” I said.

I saw something in the corner of my eye at the door. I pulled slightly away only to see Quinn, Jack, Luke, Matt, and Tim Stutzle, watching us.

My eyes widened, I hid my face in Josh’s chest and groaned.

“What?” He asked, chuckling.

“We have an audience” I mumbled embarrassingly. I felt him turn his head to look at the door.

“We’re never gonna live this down are we?” He asked

“Definitely not”

“Come on, we better go back inside before they start yelling at everyone,” Josh said, making me chuckle.

“Good idea” I said nodding

He kissed my forehead before grabbing my hand and pulling me inside.

I’m really happy, I don’t even think the teasing we were about to get will even ruin my mood.

I saw Jack giving money to Luke and Quinn.

“Did you guys bet on us?” Josh asked them, surprised.

“Hell yeah we did” Jack said excitedly.

“There’s more than one, Brady, Tim and I have one going with Emma and Taryn, guess the girls were right about the fact a wedding loves bringing people together” Matt said.

“You better go pay up and put Emma in a better mood and piss off Brady” I said, he laughed.

“Come on let’s go find Brady we’ll need his money too” Matt said, grabbing me by the arm and dragging me with him. I laughed while Tim and I followed behind. Josh stayed with the guys.

“You couldn’t have waited until we went to the lake house next week?” Matt asked me right before we find Brady

“Sorry Matty,” I said smiling, I'm not sorry at all.

Brady was talking with a few of his teammates, Emma was talking with some of the girls along with Taryn not far from him.

Brady turned around when we got to him.

He pulled us into a hug.

“I’m Married, can you believe it?” He said excitedly. I couldn’t stop laughing.

“Tone it down, we owe money to Taryn and Emma” Matt said

Brady's eyes widened then his jaw dropped.

“Seriously, you couldn’t have waited till next week? Did it really have to be on my wedding day?” He asked.

“Clearly your wife is okay with that,” I said, smirking.

“Yeah, yeah here” he said, handing the money to me. Matt and Tim did the same. I made my way to Emma and Taryn, they both smiled when they saw me.

“Well i’m about to make both of you very happy” I said, they looked at me confused until i showed them the money.

“You guys won the bet” I continued.

“Oh my god, Finally” Emma said, hugging me. Taryn joined us.

“We’ve all been waiting for this to happen” Taryn said

“Well I'm just glad someone believed it would.” I said, making them laugh.

“I’m pretty sure everyone believed it would, we just didn’t know when” Emma said.

“Well i’m glad that i got to help you both make a little bit of money, i’ll let you guys go back to chatting, I’ll find you both later… enjoy your wedding sis "I told Emma.

“Thanks Yn, couldn’t be happier to receive two sisters,” she said.

“Love you both” i said smiling

“We love you too, now go back to Josh “ Taryn said. I started laughing while making my way back to Josh, who smiled when he saw me.

New Jersey, Two years later.

“You may now kiss the bride” the officiant said

Josh put his hand on my waist and pulled me into a passionate kiss.

All the cheering in the back was loud.

When we pulled away, we learned our foreheads together, smiling.

“I love you Mr. Norris” I said

“I love you more Mrs. Norris” he replied

“We finally have a sister” I heard Dalton yelling in the background making me giggle.

I can’t believe I just married the love of my life, it feels like forever ago we had just confessed our feelings for each other, on this exact balcony and now we're married.

I looked behind Josh to see my Brother Brady who is one of the groomsmen, he was crying which made me laugh.

“Brady, when did you become the emotional one in the family?” I joked, he just gave me the finger, with Matty slapping his hand down.

Looks like I found a love like Brady and Emma After all, I couldn’t be happier.

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sparklepie · 3 months ago

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Alcohol Marker fishys

A couple of alcohol marker fish I drew while away on vacation. Trying to decide if i should start offering my marker art on etsy, I know its not very light-fast so I worry about selling the originals.

#artists on tumblr #alcohol markers #alcohol marker art #marker art #fish art #ocean fish #gold fish #koi fish #koi #blue tang #nurse shark #jelly fish #jellyfish #orange fish #blue fish #shark #drawing

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tragicallyuncreative · 3 days ago

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Atsila Cade

Johnny didn’t look enthusiastic. He wasn’t a big fan of Curly, especially since he gave him weed under the guise it was a cigarette and had a bad reaction. He proceeded to spend four hours locked in the bathroom, in tears because he was hearing voices and terrified he was getting sick like his mom.

I have no clue what story this will appear in, if any. But I will continue to reference my headcanon that Atsila Cade is schizophrenic (obviously, we know little about her in the book other than the fact that she's an abusive alcoholic). I don't want to make her a truly sympathetic character, as there's no excuse for child abuse. However, I see her as much more than a one-dimensional character who's simply evil and abusive for the hell of it.

Atsila was born in the Cherokee Nation Reservation near Ottawa, Oklahoma and resided there with her parents until her early 20s, when she met Anthony Cade. She began showing symptoms of schizophrenia around age 16, which is unusually early but not unheard of. Initially, there was no cause for alarm. It was small changes; withdrawing from others, not sleeping, having difficulty focusing on academics. Her auditory hallucinations were also not a red flag, in face, it was considered a good thing. Many cultures and religions practice shamanism, a practice that involves interacting with the spirit world. This is certainly a valid thing and does not mean one is mentally ill, rather, they are hearing voices because they are receiving communications from ancestors, spirits, elementals, etc. However, Atsila's experience was different. Her hallucinations were intense and harmful, and she developed classic symptoms of paranoia and delusions of grandeur.

By the time she met Anthony Cade, she was extremely vulnerable: a minority woman with a mental illness and desire to escape her circumstances. He was an alcoholic with a bad temper and desire to control others- and she was an easy target.

She was diagnosed with schizophrenia following an involuntary hospitalization and prescribed medication. Like many individuals with this diagnosis, she struggled with medication compliance (stopping because they feel "better", fear that pills are actually poison, etc) as well as an alcohol addiction as it masked her symptoms and quieted the voices. Alcohol did a good job at suppressing her delusions, unfortunately, under its influence she was angry and abusive, no better than her husband.

Her longest stretch of sobriety and medication adherence was nearly a year, when Johnny was six. Her arrest and subsequent court-ordered therapy and treatment regimen did wonders. She became the type of mother little Johnny had hoped for- loving and dedicated to making a better life for her son. She was nowhere near perfect, but it felt like enough for him. She took him to the reservation to meet his grandparents, and he felt connected to his culture for the first time. She made meals. She helped with homework. It didn't last.

Johnny spent his teen years (and later in our happy alternative endings) terrified that he would become afflicted with the same illness that stole his real mother, the person deep down, away. He wouldn't touch drugs or alcohol, afraid it may trigger the process. He obsessively had Ponyboy find books on schizophrenia and read them to him, hoping to find something, anything, that could decrease his chances of developing it. And he clung to the memories of his mother in those good days, going back again and again to the home he hated, to shouting and abuse and fear, hoping for glimpses of her again. And sometimes, he was rewarded.

#the outsiders #johnny cade #atsilacade #anthonycade #the outsiders musical #ponyboy curtis #tragicallyuncreativewrites

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liquordeliveryinottawa · 1 year ago

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"Liquor Delivery On Call: Your Nighttime Sip Saviour"

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Experience the ease, convenience, and choice that Liquor Delivery On Call brings to your nighttime moments. Don't let the closed store hours dampen your spirits—let us bring the celebration to you. Cheers to a seamless and enjoyable late-night experience with us!

#ottawa #liquor delivery #alcohol delivery #late night drinks

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pokemonwearingsportsmerch · 1 year ago

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#abra #ottawa redblacks #football #cfl #alcohol

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thomasschabot · 11 months ago

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bet all i have on that furrowed brow

jakob chychrun x fem!oc

isobel has a workplace crush and healthy dose of loneliness that jakob is more than willing to cure

word count: 3.1k

warnings: mentions of spending the holidays alone, cursing, partial nudity, alcohol consumption

a/n: for @wyattjohnston 🩷 thank you so much for putting together yet another incredibly successful event, and for giving me the best gift of all - getting to write for you! i hope you enjoy x (we're just pretending hockey works like american football and the sens have a bye week over christmas okay? okay!) many wonderful thanks to @matthewtkachuk for singing my praises via text and fluffing up my ego

The string of days between Christmas and New Years always feels like purgatory. One holiday bleeds slowly into the next, and there’s a general consensus no one knows what day it is or how long it’s been since they ate something moderately healthy. For most it’s time well spent with family and friends, but for Isobel it’s a sentence to near solitary confinement. She has no family remotely close, few friends, and is much too stubborn to take up her co-workers’ invitations to join them on holiday getaways to ski chalets or sandy beaches. Isobel refuses to be more of an inconvenience than she already feels like she is, but it isn’t necessarily best for her mental health.

She spends as much time as possible at work, researching rising social media trends to present to the team and making sure all paperwork is up-to-date. The team will be able to start with their best foot forward in the new year, something Isobel is extremely proud of, and it keeps her going into the office even when she’d much prefer to stay in bed and wallow in the intense loneliness she feels. There isn’t a pressure to produce new deliverables, which is a slight stress relief. The analytics department isn’t needed as much with the bye week and most of the incoming reports can be run by Isobel alone. A number of years ago the NHL implemented bye weeks in addition to the all-star break, which allows each team to not have scheduled games during the regular season. This year Ottawa got lucky, with their break over the Christmas holidays, and players and support staff alike took the opportunity to get the hell out of the snowy capital.

As far as Isobel’s aware, very few members of the Senators organization stayed in the area. From social media she could see co-workers posting from almost every continent, enjoying all the world has to offer. Many roster players were in tropical destinations, hungry to get away from the ice and snow that ruled much of their daily lives. Claude Giroux has taken his family to the Caribbean and posts a rare snapshot of his young boys enjoying the water. Brady, ever the gracious captain, has taken what seems like half the team home with him to St. Louis in order to cheer on his sister’s university tournament being hosted in the same city. Only Jakob’s whereabouts are unknown, his absence from her life palpable, but Isobel’s sure he isn’t in Ottawa. Why would he be? There are a thousand different people and places vying for his attention, and one of them was sure to be the lucky winner.

It’s her most guarded secret, the fact that Isobel has an almost debilitating crush on who is technically a co-worker, but she’s also sure everyone has figured it out, even Jakob himself. Working with professional athletes means there’s a serious lack of personal boundaries, and one’s private life isn’t exactly private, no matter how well guarded they may be. The boys Isobel works with will stop at nothing short of blackmail to get information out of her, even if it’s only ever used for in-house teasing. No one has said anything yet, which she’s incredibly grateful for, but Isobel can’t help but think it’s the main topic of conversation when she’s not around.

The suburbs of Ottawa are desolate as Isobel winds through the streets to the Canadian Tire Centre. No car is on the road except her own, and there is only one in the parking lot when she pulls in. Badge in hand, Isobel treks up the steps and pulls open the large door at the back of the arena, one that isn’t used by anyone except members of the organization. Jamie, one of the building’s security guards, is face down in a book — it must have been his sedan parked beside her own sensible compact SUV.

“Isobel Walker,” he says, surprised to see another person. The offices were open upon a technicality in contracts that is now grandfathered in, but it’s likely Jamie hasn’t seen anyone since he started his shift. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be getting ready with friends? The New Year's festivities start in a few hours.”

Isobel shakes her head. “Just wanted to square away a few things before the weekend. Besides, it’s not like I have anything better to do. It’s just me this year.”

The attentive man doesn’t miss the sad downturn in her voice, or the longing for companionship in Isobel’s eyes. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll get invited somewhere.” Jamie sounds resolute in the statement, but she knows it must be easy for him to think when once his shift is over he’ll return home to a wife and kids. When Isobel is done putting in work there’ll be no one waiting at home.

The elevator dings then, signalling its availability to deliver a human to the floor where the data and analytics department is located. Isobel waves goodbye in an almost timid fashion, insisting she’ll take good care of herself and promising to at least look into doing something. Nothing will come of it, this she’s sure of, but a small white lie has never hurt anyone. In fact, Isobel deals almost exclusively in little white lies, whether it be to scouts who want to hear a specific player is doing bad so they feel less guilty about not advising the general manager to draft them or to teammates when they ask what she’s doing on the weekends. Telling Jamie one more won’t cause the world to fall apart. Isobel is sure of it.

Her cubicle is tucked just inside the glass doors that shelter the front office from the rest of the floor, but Isobel doesn't head there. Instead, she tiptoes through the space until the corkboard of Senators and their individual season stats is right in front of her. The photo of Jakob immediately catches her attention — not an official headshot but instead a picture from the charity gala last season — and Isobel notices it’s a cropped version of one she has on her desk. In the photo he’s posing with the analytics staff, goofy smile plastered on his face as he stands three people from Isobel. She also remembers that in the photo she’s not looking at the camera, but at him. Eventually she forces herself to stop looking at the gorgeous specimen that is Jakob Chychrun and accomplish what she intended to do. Taking one last look, Isobel places a distant memory that their eyes had locked seconds after the camera’s shutter went off.

⭑⭒⭑

It’s long past sunset when Isobel returns home, and there’s no sense trying to scramble downtown to an overcrowded bar. She hadn’t been planning on it anyways despite what she told the only person she’s interacted with in a week. Things at the office didn’t take long to complete, despite the frequent distraction of Jakob’s gorgeous portrait in the background, but Isobel couldn’t bring herself to return to her empty home. Since the conversation with Jamie in the lobby she’s been dreading the silence that would greet her when the door rocked on its hinges. Instead of immediately returning home, Isobel drives eastward towards more connected areas of the city and marvels at the tourists in town to ring in the new year surrounded by history. Each street sign passed amalgamated into a mushed series in her brain, and once she could no longer tell what was real or imaginary Isobel turned and headed for home.

As expected, the modest craftsman house Isobel occupies is dark and silent and lonely, as well as a million other words she can’t think of to encapsulate how isolated she feels. If she had been thinking clearly Isobel would have picked up take out on the drive back, but she wasn't in a completely sound frame of mind, therefore being resigned to heating up three day old broccoli pasta and drinking room temperature beer. She can’t even be bothered to change into comfortable clothing, instead throwing her blouse and slacks over the back of a dining room chair seconds before crashing onto the worn leather sofa inherited from a college roommate nearly a decade ago but that she can’t seem to get rid of.

The television turns on at the press of a button, and Isobel briefly watches the sports highlights for updates on potential trade targets before deciding she’s done more than enough work for the day and switching to a New Years special. This one seems to be taking place in New York, a place she’s never been nor cared for, but at the moment Isobel would give anything to be there amongst the suffocating crowd. Maybe then she wouldn’t feel so earth-shatteringly alone.

Hours pass by and more beers are consumed, but Isobel can’t seem to reach the buzz she’s so desperately chasing. The performances and countdowns meld together but if questioned there wouldn’t be a detail missing from her recollection. No one could do that inebriated, further proving that getting drunk isn’t in the cards for her tonight. A chill settles over the room and Isobel struggles to wrangle a throw blanket free from its perch on the back of the couch. Though comfortable, sitting in only undergarments doesn’t provide much protection against the drafty windows she should call a repairman about. Some pop star, whom she doesn't particularly care about, is thanking fans for helping them reach a milestone this past calendar year and she zone out. Nothing and everything floats through Isobel’s brain all at once, swimming in circles and causing a beautiful confusion.

The dull thud of a fist against the front door shakes Isobel from her stupor and possible slumber. Panic encroaches and her sharp survival instincts set in — the baseball bat normally kept in the corner of the living room grabbed and work clothes are haphazardly tossed over frame. The person on the other side of the wood slab is the last person she’s expecting to see, and the fact he’s standing there with a sheepish smile is astounding. Jakob Chychrun is on her doorstep, shifting his weight between the balls of his feet and carrying a large bottle of expensive champagne and a bag of garlic bread.

“Hi.”

“Can I help you, Jakob?” she asks, but immediately backpedals when she realizes how ill-tempered the tone of the words made her seem. “I just wasn’t expecting any visitors and am wholly unprepared.”

He smiles even more, as though Isobel can actually solve a problem he’s been faced with, and gestures to the objects in his hands like it’s obvious. “Jamie mentioned you were spending the evening alone when I went into the rink this afternoon, and I had no plans, so I thought we could watch the dumb special programs and drown our sorrows in alcohol.”

The answer is so Jakob, so perfect and friendly and warm, Isobel can’t help but return his grin. “I told him I’d look into going out. What are you doing in the city?”

“I wanted a relaxing week.”

Isobel arches her eyebrow. “The beach isn’t relaxing?”

“Not as much as staying at home.”

“Oh.”

Jakob doesn’t skip a beat in bringing conversation back to his original proposition. “Well sweetheart, what do you say?”

All the air leaves her lungs at the pet name, but she manages to nod semi-enthusiastically and move to the side. Jakob slips off his shoes while Isobel closes the door and treads into the living space carefully, inspecting-without-inspecting the decor. She quickly plays the role of gracious hostess, getting her handsome guest a crystal flute and asking if he’d like anything to eat. Jakob declines, saying he had leftovers before coming over, and urges her to sit down and ‘stop fluttering around like a hummingbird’. She obliges, turning to face him and tucking her legs underneath her center of gravity.

Jakob rakes his eyes over Isobel, once, then a second time, before coughing rather aggressively. It rings through the quiet like a gunshot and nearly makes her jump. Unsure of what could have caused such a reaction, she looks down to find the previously hastily buttoned shirt has shifted, revealing a rather large patch of red lace that hints at what’s underneath. Surely that can’t be the reason the normally suave man across from her is a blushing mess?

He respectfully looks away while she adjusts, and Isobel finishes quickly before placing a tentative hand on her shoulder to let her know everything is back to normal. She’s desperate to dissuade any awkwardness. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay,” Jakob laughs, but it comes out a little strangled. “Happens to the best of us. Well not me, in that exact way, but I’ve been caught in my fair share of wardrobe malfunctions.”

Isobel focuses extremely hard on not thinking about what that means, and unsure of where to go from the moment that was somehow vulnerable and impersonal at the same time, she reaches across Jakon to grab the bottle of champagne and doesn't even bother getting a glass. The cool liquid does wonders to soothe the fire in her insides, exacerbated by the fact that Jakob came to her, wanted to spend time with her. Some alcohol misses Isobel’s mouth, dribbles down her chin, but before she can even lift the bottle from her lips it’s being wiped away.

It’s Jakob, she realizes, stroking his thumb across her skin tenderly and making sure there isn’t an opportunity for the champagne to stain the silk button up that she can never remember to take to the dry cleaners. Clouds immediately form in her mind and Isobel closes her eyes — this has to be a dream. An incredibly elaborate fantasy. Under no circumstance is Jakob Chychrun sitting on her couch staring at her with longing and centimetres away from her lips. She must have fallen asleep, and her dreams are vivid due to the beer.

“Iso, sweetheart, hey,” Jakob says barely above a whisper, eyebrow furrowed with concern and the slightest bit of amusement. “You alright?”

Her eyelids flutter open, a bit heavy from all the alcohol she’s consumed, but her gaze is met with his blue eyes so close to her own and his fingers fiddling with the hem of her pants. Apparently this is in fact real life, and while Isobel had been trying to convince herself otherwise she’d missed Jakob inching closer and resting his forehead against her own.

“Yeah,” she sputters, nearly choking on air for the second time that evening. “I drank a bit before you got here and I think it’s all catching up to me.”

Jakob smiles softly, like he already confirmed this, and it’s then she clues in to the fact there are four empty beer bottles on the coffee table. “Are you drunk?”

Laughter trickles from her lips. “I wish,” Isobel confesses, “It would make the loneliness a lot easier to ignore.”

Again, Jakob smiles like he understands. It’s a bit surreal, the way the two of them are so similar, but Isobel can’t help but enjoy learning about him through these small glances. If she could keep her cool around the man for longer periods than the handful of minutes long interaction they’d shared, Isobel is almost sure they’d be friends, but the universe is cruel and unyielding. She’s destined to never know Jakob all that well, watching from the sidelines as he jokes with Brady and Tim, marvelling at his beauty and resigning herself to the fact he’ll never be yours.

“Can I kiss you?”

The question steals every ounce of air from Isobel’s lungs. Jakob is looking at her intently, studying her features for clues or transgressions he unknowingly committed. She’s never been good at keeping her emotions steeled away, and Isobel knows everything is splayed on her face for him to decipher if he wants to. The most prominent one is shock. Isobel is beyond surprised he’s asking the one thing that’s been on the tip of her tongue and whispering in her mind for years.

“Are —” she struggles to find the words she wants to say. “Are you sure you want to do that?”

It’s Jakob’s turn to laugh. It’s a beautiful sound, his deep rumbles as he nods his head, and Isobel does her best to imprint it to memory. If this is the last time she’ll ever hear it she wants to give herself the best shot at remembering.

“Pretty damn sure, sweetheart. I’ve wanted to do it since I joined the team.”

Isobel is now beyond shocked. “You’ve wanted to kiss me for three years?”

Jakob smiles in a way that allows it to reach his eyes. Beautiful, Isobel thinks, but doesn’t allow herself much time to focus on it, too eager to catch his next words. “Four if you count the time I got lost when Arizona was the visiting team and you held the door for me to get back to the locker rooms. You were wearing a black turtleneck that made your eyes look even more angelic than normal. I didn’t know that at the time, of course, but I did know I wanted to kiss you senseless.”

“Fuck me, you never thought to say anything when I was so clearly pining after you?” she whispers, emboldened and growing more confident under the confession and moving even closer until her lips are so close to Jakob’s she can feel the breath he inhales.

It takes a moment, but Isobel gains the courage to tilt her head slightly upwards and slot her lips against Jakob’s. Time stops with the flourish of a cheesy romance novel, though she can’t find it in her to groan internally even if she would under normal circumstances. Nothing about what’s happening is normal, however. Kissing Jakob is perfect in ways Isobel could never accurately describe — all plump lips and gentle touches and whispered sweet nothings. She never wants it to end, but eventually he pulls back.

He doesn’t stray far, just tucks her into his side with a hint of possession if Isobel squints , and cards his fingers through the matted ends of her hair. Jakob seems to have quite an affinity for the strands, allowing them to keep his attention while Isobel processes the fact that the man she’s been secretly in love with for years has also been in love with her for just as long.

“You know,” she says breathlessly, still in a surreal state from the kiss, “Maybe ringing in the new year won’t be so lonely after all.”

Jakob giggles in the same warm and gleeful way that made Isobel fall in love with him all those years ago. “I hope not.”

The pair of them spend the remaining hours of the night eating, drinking, and talking about what the future holds. When the television program begins the countdown Jakob looks at Isobel with a gleam in his eyes, and waits until the ball drops to kiss her into the next year.

⭑⭒⭑

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