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tojikai · 3 years ago

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Open Arms

PART I: Fix You | PART II: The Sun Will Rise | PART III: Closest to Heaven | PART IV: Open Arms

Pairing: Toji x Reader

Genre: Angst

"Lightning never strikes the same place twice."

"I have a little sister," Megumi muttered in the passenger seat. Amazement and joy were evident in his voice. Toji put on his seatbelt and hummed in response, slightly amused by his son's reaction. It's like he still can't believe it.

It was sunny when they entered the cafe earlier. Now, it started to rain. The weather seemed to be mimicking the turn of events; finding out about his daughter with you and finding out that you have someone else now.

"Aimi's very pretty; she looks like her." A sincere smile made its way to Toji's lips as he tapped on the steering wheel's shiny yet rough surface. "Y/N's got a boyfriend," He added, laughing bitterly, nodding his head as if the information was just starting to settle in. Toji sniffed as he looked ahead, trying to think of something other than the image of you, your boyfriend, and his daughter walking away.

It hurts too much. And Toji doesn't think he can move on from you.

The windshield caught the fine droplets of rain, only for them to roll down. The crystal clear waters of the rain made all the roads look darker. It reminded him of how beautiful you looked today, as you painted his heart gray.

"She didn't tell me about it when we first met again." Megumi looked down, feeling sorry for his dad. He saw the look in his eyes as he watched the other man wrap his arms around you. He felt terrible that he didn't ask you about it. He felt bad that he didn't consider the possibility that you might've moved on with someone new during the years that you were gone.

"I'm sorry, I didn't ask. I could've told you beforehand." Megumi knows that having known about it before the meeting wouldn't really lessen his father's heartache, but he thought that he would at least be prepared for it. And even if Toji knew that you already have someone else before the meeting today, he'd still come to see you.

Oh, what he wouldn't do just to see your face again.

"It's alright, don't worry." He swallowed the rising pain in his chest. Megumi was silent after his short response. Toji could tell that his excitement to bring the two of you together again was what distracted him from asking about your new life.

"At least, we'd still see her when she brings Aimi." Despite the soundof her baby daughter's beautiful name, the context of the statement left a bitter taste in Toji's mouth. It's a hard thing to say for someone who's hoping to get back together with their ex.

You must be really happy with him. His thoughts sent him back to the time that you two were together as he parked his car in the garage. He heard Megumi say that he'd be going ahead inside, but he couldn't bring himself to answer as countless ideas ran through his mind.

It could've been him. It could've been him who you are so happy with. He could've made you feel loved. He could've made you feel beautiful as much as your boyfriend does today. You could've been with him right now, resting at home as you enjoy the rain with Megumi and Aimi.

It all suddenly feels too painful again that Toji had to lean on the car to prevent himself from breaking down on his knees. He thought that seeing you and his daughter was enough for him, but when it dawned on him that he was once in that guy's place, all the heartbreak that he'd been suppressing in that cafe came rushing into his veins, spreading like wildfire.

Toji is strong. But not strong enough to stand through the pain of entirely letting you go.

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BEFORE THE MEETING

"It's best if this one's just between the three of us." You sighed, fixing your lipstick in front of the circular mirror attached to the cabinet. The day has come, and the anxiety inside you has made your heart feel thick and exposed. You could see the annoyed look in your boyfriend's eyes as you watched his reflection.

"You're wearing that?" He asked, ignoring your explanation, and the hint of a scoff didn't go unnoticed by you, but you chose not to pick a fight with him. After all, he agreed with this, even if it's not okay with him. The least you could do is comply and accept his conditions. You decided to look at it as him being protective of you.

"Do you think it's a bit...revealing?" It felt like it's been the fifth time that you asked him that today. He kept asking you to change and wear something appropriate. But what is appropriate when meeting your ex-husband for him? Is it not a three-fourth sleeved dress that goes past your thigh?

'Maybe the neckline's too low.' You thought as your boyfriend stared at you with a distressed look on his face.You felt bad that you're leaving him out for this, but you didn't want to make both parties uncomfortable.

Aside from that, what you're going to talk about is no small matter. Your daughter is concerned, and you could only expect so much reaction from Toji and Megumi. It just doesn't feel right if you bring someone unfamiliar to witness that. It's an intimate moment between a parent, a brother, and a child who's about to meet for the very first time. You feel like the presence of your boyfriend could cause them to hold back on some things.

You don't really get why you're explaining these things inside your head when you know that it is your right to decide about this. You just thought that your boyfriend might need a thorough clarification. After all, he's a part of your life now, too.

"Get changed. Wear something conservative. I don't want anything to happen to you." He said sternly as you just finished fixing your earrings. It kind of offended you; for him to think like that.

He's worried. He can't help it. You mentally remind yourself before you start saying something that could end up in an argument. Instead, you let your own note ease the creases on your forehead.

"Would you mind picking one for me?" You rushed to the dresser on the other side of the room, giving him a small smile in an attempt to light up the mood. You get that he's upset about the situation, but you didn't think that he'd be this sulky.

"I'd call when I'm coming to pick you up." He stood beside you, scanning through your neatly hung clothes inside the dresser. You stayed silent as you thought of a way to address his question.

"Uhm… maybe I could just call you when we're done. You know like, just to let them spend as much time as they can with each other." You took the dress that he handed to you, seeing his eyebrows bump closer together. "Aimi, Toji, and Megumi, I mean." You quickly added. Your lips felt so dry despite the newly applied gloss on top of it.

"No, I'll pick you up. I don't think it'd be right to leave you with him for long." He insisted, fixing the straps of his watch. He sighed loudly as you turned around to face him, looking at him with a slightly open mouth.

"You think I'd do something?" You chuckled in disbelief before proceeding to take off your dress to change it with the one he picked. You stripped off your dress, looking up at him as you waited for his answer. It was slightly humid that morning, but this discourse is making your toes feel cold.

"Not you. But what if he does something? How sure are you that he wouldn't harm you?" He bit back, watching you turn around. His hand automatically reached for the zipper of the dress to pull it up. Tiny goosebumps formed on your skin as you felt his finger graze the skin on your back.

"He's not like that." You clicked your tongue, getting tired of the discourse.

"You get so defensive when it comes to him, you know. Did you forget how shitty he made you feel?" That hurt. Every time you remember the love that you had for Toji and what you got in return, it takes you back to that situation. You never fought with your boyfriend about this, and he hit you just right where it hurts the most.

"You don't even have to remind me that." You whispered as your eyes locked on the floor. You were almost taken back to the time when you had to endure all those nights feeling like you were the most complex person to love.

"Look, at this point, we won't get anywhere with this." He exhaled, stepping away to walk past you towards the door. "I won't come with you this time, but you have to understand that it's not good for you to stay around him for long. It's not good for us." He added as he slammed the door on his way out. He might seem a bit controlling, but you know that he's only worried for you.

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You stood in front of their house as the person's footsteps from the other side got closer. Aimi was babbling in your arms as she pointed at the different plants and flowers she had spotted around the neighborhood.

You heard the door's lock click before it opened, revealing Toji in a beige sweater. His hair was still wet, and his eyes held a tender gaze in them as they looked into yours. Seeing his face against the sunlight made you realize that the cold depths of despair were now gone in his eyes.

Megumi wasn't lying when he said that his father had finally moved on from his mom.

"Hey," He spoke softly at you, making Aimi turn her head to look at him. Her little squeals of joy almost surprised you because she's only met him once and for a short amount of time, but she's already so excited to go into his arms. The little kid wiggled as she reached out to Toji, who gladly picked her up.

"How's my Aimi?" He cooed at her, and you could swear that it stirred a feeling in your chest, something that made you nod your head without a second thought when Toji asked you to go inside and stay for a little bit.

“You don't have to stay if someone's waiting for you. I mean, I'm not asking you to leave, but I didn't see your car, and your boyfriend might be outside.” He asked, trying as hard as he could to start a normal conversation with you as he put Aimi's bag down on the couch before gesturing for you to take a sit.

Toji secretly hoped that your boyfriend was not outside. Because he doesn't really want him inside the house. As much as he wants to act civil around him for you and your daughter's sake, Toji doesn't think he can sit and laugh with him inside the home he once shared with you, the home you once covered in your light.

"No, my mom dropped us off. He usually just comes over on Sundays or whenever he is free. He's got work, and we don't really live together." You looked around the room and were surprised to see that everything you had arranged was still in place. The colors of the curtain were the same color as you liked them. The vase you bought from that mountain town you toured with Megumi was still there. The custom-made bookshelf you ordered at the shop downtown. All of them.

"Sorry, I…I didn't really change anything here. They're still your stuff. Does it…Does it bother you?" You flinched when Toji spoke beside you, sitting Aimi on his lap. A glass of juice was now placed on the small table in front of you. How long have you been looking around?

"N-no. Not at all. It's just… it reminded me of when I lived here." You stammered, and you knew it wasn't the best answer when Toji sighed and looked down. Guilt was apparent in his eyes, and he probably thought that you were talking about the heartbreak you had to endure within these four walls.

"I like it," You tried to console him without being obvious. "I… I kind of missed it, actually." You added, seeing a sad smile crawl up to his lips.

"It's alright. I understand." The door opened just as he answered, and Megumi came into view. His eyes lit up when he saw you and Aimi. The little girl broke free from Toji when Megumi opened her arms to her, picking her up before walking towards you to give you a kiss on the cheek.

"I bought something from a nearby convenience store." He explained, dropping the small paper bag on the table before plopping down on the loveseat with a squealing Aimi pulling on her brother's spiky locks.

Once again, you found yourself admiring the sight in front of you. You were wonderstruck by how happy your little girl is and how smiley Megumi is even as Aimi pulls on his hair too hard.

You never thought that having a feeling of longing inside your chest could make you feel this guilty as you thought of your boyfriend. You cannot get used to this. You cannot get too fond of this because someone's waiting for you.

"I, uh, I have to go now. I'll just pick Aimi up later and—" You began to gather your things as you sat up straight, preparing to leave when Megumi cut you off.

"It's Saturday. You teach at a high school around here, right? Do you work on Saturdays?" His eyes held hope as they looked into yours. You know that he'd want you to stay for a bit longer. Not just for the sake of his little sister, but also for catching up.

"She might have some other things to do, Megumi. Teachers are busy people." Toji stood up to fetch his keys. He knows that you can't say 'No' to Megumi, so he took the stage for you and indirectly rejected his son's unsaid request.

"Oh yeah, sorry. You can just…visit anytime you want." He forced a small smile as Aimi waved her little hands at you, seeing you pick up your bag. She must be really comfortable here, that she's not even trying to run after you.

"Be a good girl. Mama will be back later." You kissed her forehead as she slightly nodded at your words. You gave Megumi an apologetic look for not staying. "We'll hang out next time," You patted his head to reassure him. You could tell that he also wants to spend time with you.

When you looked back, Toji was already staring at you with the same look he had when he saw you entering the cafe.

You could only imagine what would happen if his boyfriend saw him looking at you like this. He's been a bit more possessive ever since you decided to meet with Toji again, but you understand that he's only afraid to lose you.

"Uhm, I'll get going now." Toji blinked as if he was snapped out of a trance. He looked at you for a couple of seconds before humming and heading towards the door with his car keys dangling in his fingers.

"You didn't bring your car, right? I'll drive you to your house." He spoke as you looked back one more time to his living room and the two kids who are now playing on the carpeted floors. You didn't know how a simple sight could make you feel so warm.

"Yeah, it's on the repair shop, but it's okay. I can take the cab, don't worry." You replied as you awkwardly avoided his eyes. To be honest, you didn't want to take the cab. Ever since you got your own car, you could only count on your fingers the total number of times that you took it.

You pulled out your phone to contact a driver when his hand gently grabbed your wrist. You almost pulled back as you looked beside you, only to remember that your boyfriend wasn't with you. And that's another reason why you don't want him to take you home. What if your boyfriend's home? It's Saturday. It's not impossible for him to get off work early or even have a day off.

"Sorry," He drew his hand back before pointing to his car, opening his mouth as he thought of what he was trying to say. You didn't know that it could get this awkward when it's just the two of you alone.

"You know… just let me drive you home. I can explain to your, erm, your boyfriend if you're worried about that." He can still read you like an open book. The words 'your boyfriend' slipped out of his mouth so fast, like he didn't even want to use it in the first place.

"It's not like that." You didn't mean to sound so defensive about that topic, but you know that it really is like that. You don't know what your boyfriend would say if he saw Toji taking you home. You remember how he reacted when you told him about your co-parenting plan for the first time.

"I can't believe you really want to co-parent with someone who treated you like that, Y/N." Your boyfriend laughed and scoffed at the same time as if it was the most ridiculous and unbelievable thing in the universe. You have been arguing about this matter for a couple of minutes now, and he's still trying to convince you not to do it.

To be honest, his reaction exceeded your expectations. Your initial thought was that even if he didn't like the idea of it, he'd still support you. It's definitely not these words of mockery.

"It's not about me. It's about his daughter. I don't want her to grow up not knowing his father." You answered him with a frown, showing him that you didn't appreciate the way he responded to your life plan. You thought he'd always support you. But on the other hand, you thought of how hard it must be for him to share you with someone, even if it's just for your daughter's sake.

"And I don't want to take away his rights from him. He deserves to know of her. You're a man, too. I'm sure you wouldn't want your daughter or son taken away from you." He stood up, shaking his head as he looked at you with both disbelief and irritation in his eyes. You looked down, not wanting to see the disappointment anymore.

You know that your boyfriend is not the best person when angry, but aren't we all?

"You don't even know if he'd want her. Hell, he didn't even want you back then, Y/N!" He harshly spoke to your face, and you couldn't help the tears that formed in your eyes. He doesn't mean them. He's angry. You thought as you wiped away your tears. You don't know what to say back to him because you know that it's possible and true.

The small lampshade at your bedside table casts your figure's shadow on the wall. You were sobbing in your hands, and the shallow sniffs that escaped you were soon cut off by your boyfriend's apologies.

"Y/N, baby, I'm just looking out for you. What if he hurts you again?" He kneeled in front of you by the edge of the bed. His hands caressed circles on your knuckles before kissing them and reaching out to wipe your tears.

"I know what I'm doing. I just want you to support and understand me." You continuously sob, feeling him move to sit beside you before enveloping you in his arms.

"Fine, then. Alright." He sighed, rubbing your back and kissing the side of your head. "Just don't let him take you away from me, Y/N. You're doing this for Aimi, remember." Your boyfriend might seem possessive, but you know that he's only looking out for you.

"Then it shouldn't be a problem. I'm just trying to make things easier and more comfortable for you here. Don't worry, I know where I stand." The words made your eyes wide, and you didn't know if it was just a coincidence or if he intentionally used the words you had told him before.

Looking up at him, you have proven it to be the latter. You wondered if he also felt this guilt bubbling up in his throat when you turned away from him with those words that night. You don't know which is more painful: distance yourself from the person you love because they're holding on to their past, or distance yourself from someone you love because they 've already got someone else standing beside them?

You don't know how your eyes looked back then, but the sorrow in Toji's eyes right now is far too prominent to not notice. You nodded as you hummed to him, bringing his eyes back to you.

"That's fine by me. Thank you." His shoulders relaxed as he gave you a small smile, beckoning you to follow him. You stared at his back as you walked towards his car, and even if his build is still standing as tall and fit as he did back then, you couldn't help but notice how he had lost some weight.

You murmured a small 'thank you' as he opened the passenger side for you. You watched him walk across to get in his seat and also just now noticed the dark circles under his eyes. Were you so tense at the cafe that you're only seeing these things now?

"I never really got the chance to ask how life is going for you right now, you know? It's all 'how are you's, and then we jumped to business." You started, trying to clear the awkwardness in the air as you sat in the car, looking at him through the small, rectangular-shaped mirror.

"Yeah, I guess. We were too busy with Aimi at that time." He chuckled, scratching his head as he stared back at you, smiling genuinely. Being inside the car muted every single noise outside, and even the softest hitch of a breath could be heard. You don't know if he just caught yours now.

It's not like you're falling for him again. You have someone now, and you wouldn't do anything that could make them lose their trust in you. It's just that… that smile was a rare one. Even when you two were still dating, you rarely saw him smile that truthfully. It made your heart soft to know that his daughter's name could easily bring that out of him.

"But I'm doing okay. Work's not that heavy, and I mostly stay at home with 'Gumi during free days. And sometimes, very seldomly, drink out." He answered, inserting the key into the ignition and starting the car.

You're more than happy to know that he didn't spend three years moping around. You doubted that he would, anyway. You know that he's better than that. He cares for Megumi, and he wouldn't let him experience something as hard as taking care of a drunk father.

"I cleaned the whole house, kept away a couple of things. Just stuff I should've done many years ago." He looked down before looking at you, and you thought the three years that he was summarizing in a few words were playing inside the irises of his eyes. You couldn't look away.

"What about you? What did you do these past three years?" If the car hadn't started moving, you wouldn't have been able to tear your eyes away from his face. It shouldn't be like this when you're already in love with someone else. You swallowed as you looked down at your fingers.

"I worked for a few months. Then I had Aimi. My family helped with our needs at that time. Then I got back to work after a year, and Mom took care of Aimi sometimes." You trailed. Your brain suddenly ran out of words to describe how the years went by for you.

Toji thought about how hard it must've been for you. Alone, in an unfamiliar place with an infant and a broken heart. He still doesn't know how it's going to be like for the two of you every day, but if he can, if you will let him, he'd like to make it all up to you. Maybe not in the way that he wants, but in a way that you and your daughter need.

"I'll take her to work with me. I mean, you're a teacher, and you got way more things to pay attention to when working while I'm just sitting in an office." He proposed, and to be honest, it doesn't sound bad at all.

You've been feeling bad for having to call your mom every now and then to look after Aimi and even thought of hiring a nanny because of it. You don't feel at ease with the idea of leaving your daughter to a hired person, but if she's with Toji, you know that she's safe.

"Are you sure? Your boss might not like having a kid in the building." Your eyes switch between him and the road as you completely relax in your seat. The uneasy feeling of being in a confined space with your ex is now gone, and only the comfort brought about by the conversation between two parents discussing what's best for their daughter can be sensed.

"No, she won't mind. I told her about it already, actually. She was happy about it and even asked to meet Aimi. She's in the age when she's starting to miss the childhood of her own kids, you know." He laughed lightly, and you internally sighed, seeing how smoothly everything might just go for your co-parenting plan.

"That's great, then. You can tell me when you can bring her. I can drop her off at your office." You smiled at him, quickly looking down when his eyes flicked to your lips. You wanted to help Toji move on even though you knew how hard it might be for him, mainly because he'd have to see you a couple of times every week.

"It's still open." You pointed to an ice cream shop that you used to take Megumi to back then. It was a lone store by the curve, and the three of you liked that place because there were not many people. It was quiet and cozy. The colors are very pleasing to the eyes because of their cool yet bright tones.

"You wanna take Aimi there tomorrow? I'm sure Megumi would be excited to show her around." You remember the colorful containers of jimmies and the toppings that one could freely choose from. Aimi would surely love to go there. But you're not so sure if your boyfriend would appreciate you not spending time with him on his only free day. The smile on your face quickly vanished, and you looked away from the reflection of the ice cream shop, getting smaller and smaller in the mirror as the car moved farther away from it.

"Nevermind, it's Sunday tomorrow. Your boyfriend would be home." Toji cleared his throat, and you're sure that he noticed how your mood about going to the shop changed. You feel bad that you won't be able to join them, but you also don't want to leave your boyfriend alone. You're not planning on taking him with you because that would be really disrespectful to Toji.

"Sorry, I'll just…Next week. We can all go together next week." You answered briefly, looking out the window to avoid looking at his face in the rearview mirror. The leaves are blurred, yet you can tell that they're dewy from how hard you are looking at them to distract yourself.

You might just say fuck it and agree to go with them even if your boyfriend is coming to your house.

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Everything might be going smoothly between you and your ex, but not between you and your boyfriend, who clenches his jaw as he drives you to Toji's to pick Aimi up. He came home today just shortly after Toji dropped you off.

"I don't know why you're still so angry about this. We already talked it through." You sighed exasperatedly as he clenched his hands around the steering wheel tightly. The skies are orange in color as the sun begins to set. This scenery could've made this ride a little more soft and memorable if your boyfriend wasn't being moody beside you.

You argue a lot. But as your mother said, "It's normal, especially when the relationship is young." and you've held on to that ever since. You thought that maybe you just don't know how people act when they genuinely care for you.

"Is it wrong for me to worry about you going in and out of his house?" He bit back at you. His voice was a little louder and rougher than how he usually talks. His fist collided with the lines of the steering wheel as the light turned red.

"Nothing's going to happen. What kind of a woman do you think I am? And I already told you he's not like that." You turned to face him, eyebrows knitted together in frustration as you ran your hands through your hair.

"That's not what I'm angry about. Why does it have to be that often? Every week? Really?" He scoffed at you, and you felt like pulling every strand of your hair from your head because you were tired of arguing about these things. Ever since the co-parenting thing was brought up, he's always been starting fights about it. You were sure that you explained everything to him, though.

"That's why it's co-parenting. It's a plan. I can't just bring Aimi whenever I want. It's our child, half of him and a half of me. Of course, we'd need to have as equal as possible time with Aimi." You're trying to stay calm because you don't want to arrive there in the state you both are in right now. It's definitely going to be more awkward than when they met in the cafe.

"It might just be you. Are you sure you're not just dragging him onto this?" His words are starting to hurt, and you can tell that he's going down that path again, the path to your past, and what your relationship with Toji was like.

"How can you say that? You're being insensitive right now." You were in disbelief. It's only been the first day, and it's already like this. You wondered how things would go like in the following days, and you could only pray that they would get better because you were trying your best to put yourself in his shoes.

"I'm being insensitive? Or are you just being too sensitive? I'm simply telling the truth, Y/N. Didn't you hide your kid from him because you thought that he wouldn't want her? What if he just agrees with this out of obligation?" He screamed at you making you flinch. You didn't flinch because of the volume of his voice. You flinched because what he said hit you right where it hurts.

"He's not! He loves Aimi. He's even taking her to work. How could you even talk about Aimi like that?" You held back a sob as you said the last sentence. He said 'your kid' like he doesn't see Aimi as his daughter. If you're going to be together, he's going to have to look at her as his own, too. That's what you told yourself when you started seeing each other.

"I don't know." He sighed, shaking his head, as if every argument you just laid out to him were jokes. "I don't know why you keep pushing it with him. If you struggle there, don't ask me for anything." He stopped the car in front of Toji's house, and you sat there, controlling your tears.

You never really asked him for anything. You got together with him when you already had Aimi and lived an established life alone with her. You didn't ask him for support because you didn't want anyone to think that you're using him to substitute for your missing baby daddy. You simply liked the way he comforted you, made your feelings valid, and made you feel like you were really there. He gave you what Toji didn't give you when you were together.

But these are definitely not what he's doing right now. You wonder if you made the wrong choice to move back here. You thought that maybe this was a bad thing for your new relationship. But you reminded yourself that it's all for Aimi, and that you'd already planned to do this even before she was born. You don't want your daughter to feel incomplete. There's nothing you wouldn't give up for her.

"If you want someone to provide for the two of you, I can do it. You don't even need him." You know that the statement was meant to make you feel assured that you had someone to lean on, but for some reason, it made you feel angry. He was saying that you only brought Aimi to Toji because you wanted child support.

"But Aimi does! Aimi needs him because he's her father. Stop making this about me." You snapped, unbuckling your seatbelt as you saw him shake his head at the side of your eyes. A derisive chuckle escaped his lips as you got out of the car.

He can get angry as much as he wants, but he's not stopping you from doing what you think is best for your daughter. Even if you argue every day.

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Toji was sitting on the bed with a giggling Aimi lying on his chest as he scrolled through the online store. He was looking for more stuff that his daughter might need when she's in here. He and Megumi already went shopping the next day after you introduced Aimi to him, but he feels like he still needs more.

Megumi was lying on his stomach beside them when the doorbell rang. Toji, knowing that it was you, stood up immediately. Aimi looked up at him as if she knew that her Mama was finally there to pick her up.

"It's probably, Mama. We're going to open the door for her and fetch your things, alright?" He bounced her up and down as they made their way to the front door.

"Mama, door." The toddler mimicked, pointing towards the door, and Toji could only hum as he kissed her chubby cheeks, making her laugh. It was the most beautiful sound to him. He was reminded of how awestruck he was when Megumi first started talking and realized how long ago that was already.

"Mama!" Aimi squealed and eagerly reached out to you when Toji opened the door. Toji was about to ask you to come in while he gets Aimi's things and some toys they bought when he saw your boyfriend striding towards you with a small smile on his face. He greeted Toji with a nod as he put an arm around your shoulder. He wanted to roll his eyes. But he held back and nodded back in return.

"Let me get Aimi's things first. You can, uh, you can come in if you want." Toji scratched his head as he opened the door wider for the two of you. You smiled at him and he was sure that you were about to let yourselves in when your boyfriend answered for you.

"It's okay, we're kind of in a rush. I'm taking Y/N out for a date tonight." He pulled you closer to him. This isn't the first time he saw you two like this, but the throbbing in his chest didn't lessen one bit. Your smile faded for a second as you looked up at your boyfriend before smiling and muttering a quiet "Yeah." to Toji.

"Oh, alright then." He hurried, biting his lips as he tried to stop his hand from squeezing everything that he held in his hand.

He doesn't know how long the stinging pain in his chest would last. He can only hope to be numbed by it as time goes by.

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A month went by fast and the co-parenting is going better than you thought. Today, you're picking up Aimi from Toji's office. You parked your car outside the building and recited the floor number and the direction to his room in your head. Whenever you drop off and pick up Aimi in his company building, Toji always just meets you outside, so this is the first time you're ever going up there. 'To save you the hassle.' as he worded it, which you really appreciate a lot.

As for your boyfriend, you're grateful that the fights had died down, but the problem now is his distant behavior towards you. You thought that maybe it's still because of this co-parenting that he's acting up. You plan on talking it out with him when he visits you during the weekends. You don't really want to just stay like this with him. You value him in your life and even if your relationship isn't even a year old yet, you still don't want it to go to waste.

On the way to Toji's office, you were glad that you didn't run into anyone who knew you. As much as you'd like to meet your mutual friends again, you're also not in the mood to talk about whatever has happened in your life.

You knocked on Toji's door and heard a 'come in' and some of Aimi's adorable giggles from the inside. You smiled at the thought of your little girl and his dad bonding together even when he's at work.

You thought that he'd be the one playing with Aimi when you entered the room, but to your surprise, it was an unknown woman who was holding the toddler as Toji sat beside her on the office couch. You remember Toji telling you that there's someone at his work that could look after Aimi if he has meetings and she must be that person. He was facing them and the woman was playing with your daughter. They looked like a family.

A happy family.

You didn't understand the pang in your chest as you stared at them. They're both looking at you as if you're an intruder in their own little world. To see your daughter in another woman's arms as the man you used to love gazed at them with soft eyes is something you didn't expect to bring back the pain you felt before.

Was this how he felt all those times that he watched you and your boyfriend pick up Aimi from his house?

You blinked when you remembered your boyfriend. You shouldn't be feeling like this when you already have a boyfriend. You shouldn't be longing like this when there's already someone by your side. You know that you shouldn't feel like this, but this is the first time you saw him with another woman and it fucking hurts.

"Hey. This is Yuka, she helps here with Aimi." He stood up, taking Aimi from her as she smiled at you. You wondered if she was his secretary. If she's here during this hour, she must be working for him or something.

"She's a close friend of mine." Oh. A close friend. "Yuka, this is Y/N. She's Aimi's mother. The ex-girlfriend I told you about." You wanted to sneer but stopped yourself. After all, you already have a loving boyfriend. There's no reason for you to feel bitter about being called the ex-girlfriend. It's the truth. He's simply introducing you.

"Hello, Ms. Y/N. Toji told me a lot about you." Well, he never told me about you. The irritation was rising within you in a way that you couldn't quite fathom. She took care of your daughter. The least you could do is be nice to her.

"Oh well…they better be good things." You joked, making the woman laugh as she looked at Toji, who was also staring at Yuka with a small smile on his face. So, he smiles for other people, too? It's nice to see that he's finally moving forward.

You already did, it's only right that he does too. You only wish him the best.

"Mama, mama! Toy!" Aimi waved in front of your face as you walked to her bag, which was placed on a single chair near his table. You just wanted to get out of here. You suddenly felt suffocated. Maybe you could call your boyfriend over and spend some time together. You're probably just tired.

Before you could put the bag on your shoulder, Toji already took it from your hand. Smiling down at Aimi as the toddler reached out to his face. He kissed her forehead before locking eyes with you.

"I'll drive you home, let's go." He muttered as he stepped away from you. That was the closest his face had been to you ever since your first meeting. You quickly looked away and hummed at him, before looking over to Yuka, who's now sitting back down on the couch.

"Yuka, I'll be back in a few," Toji called out to her as she gave him a sweet smile. She waved to you and Aimi and you couldn't help but wonder what she really is to Toji. If she'll be waiting here 'til he comes back, then they must have plans.

You swallowed as you silently followed Toji outside his office. It's none of your business anymore. Whoever he's seeing is none of your business. The only thing you're concerned about is how they'll treat your daughter. And Yuka seems to be taking good care of Aimi, so you shouldn't be worrying too much. There's nothing more to think about.

But if they're more than close friends, Yuka would be a lucky girl, for she wouldn't have to feel like a filler for someone who isn't there anymore. Unlike how you felt back then.

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"Hey babe, It's Saturday, you coming over tonight?" You spoke on the phone as you locked the door. You're about to pick Aimi up at Toji's when you decide that you'd give him a quick call.

“Uhm, no baby, not really. Sorry, we're just really busy here. Maybe on Tuesday, I can take a day off." You frowned at his answer. If he won't be coming tomorrow, that'd be the third Sunday you won't be spending time together. You wonder how busy it is at his work that even he can't even visit you on Sundays.

"Oh, is that so? It's fine, then let's just go out on Tuesday after my class. Please, don't skip your meals. I love you." You sighed internally, not wanting to add to his worries, stress, and work. You won't lie and say that it's perfectly fine with you. You felt a bit neglected, but you have to understand that he also has things to do. Just like how he tries to understand your situation with Toji.

"Yeah, babe. You too. Bye." Just like that, he ended the call. Maybe there's really a lot going on in there. He probably just took a short break. He's not always like this, anyway. Just these past few weeks. Walking to your car, you remember how the past Sunday went.

You spent time with Toji, Megumi, and Aimi at the ice cream shop. You had to endure the ride to the shop listening to Toji talk to Yuka on the phone. At first, they were discussing work matters; then the next they're talking about this new restaurant around the block and how they should visit it after work.

"They're going with colleagues," Megumi spoke, as you both sat waiting for the Toji who ordered your ice creams with Aimi in his arms. The little kid was so happy when she saw all the colors inside the shop that you momentarily forgot how Toji was so busy talking with someone else on your supposedly 'bonding day.' even if you're not a whole family anymore.

But that's just it. You just wished that he'd pay more attention to Aimi and Megumi rather than his 'close friend' who he probably sees every day in the office. It's not about you. You also have a boyfriend to text. It just takes him a couple of minutes to reply because he's busy, but he still does.

“It's probably a company dinner. They always have that." Megumi gave you a comforting smile and you don't know if it's because the annoyance was obvious on your face or if he's mistaking it for jealousy. You won't be jealous of that. There's no reason to. You broke up already and the only thing keeping you close to each other is the kids. There's nothing to feel jealous about,

"Oh, must be nice. Your dad is a busy man, he deserves the luxury of those dinners after working day and night." You nodded at Megumi, who just pursed his lip before nodding slowly. You don't know what he's thinking, but whatever it is, he's mistaken. He probably thought you were sulking because you're jealous, which is definitely not the case.

"My boyfriend does have those too with his co-workers sometimes. You'll do them too when you start working." You added as if to remind the teenager that you have a boyfriend and whether his dad is seeing someone is none of your concern. You're just thinking about him and his little sister. You can only hope that he bought it and doesn't say anything to his dad.

You knocked on Toji's door and it opened to Megumi with a flower hair clip on his spiky locks. You giggled at his face as the lollipop rolled inside his cheek.

"Did Aimi make you do that?" You laughed, hearing him let out a playful huff. You let yourself in the house, seeing Toji with your daughter sitting on his chest as he lies down on the couch. On television, Ponyo was playing and your daughter was so fascinated that she didn't even notice you came in.

"Oh, you're early today." Toji greeted, lifting Aimi before sitting up. You plopped yourself on the chair across from Megumi and watched Aimi's eyes light up when she finally saw you.

"Mama!" She jumped out of his father's arms to run to you and Toji could only admire the scene in front of him. Is this how it's going to be if you were to come home to him every day? He thought, a small smile making its way to his lips. But not for long as he remembered that you had a boyfriend to welcome at your house.

"Will you go with us tomorrow? To the ice cream shop?" He leaned his elbows on his knees, studying your face, which you had a hard time controlling when you remember what happened last Sunday.

"Not really, why don't you ask Yuka to come?" Megumi's head turned sharply towards you. His eyebrows raised as he stopped nibbling on the lollipop. Did you sound snappy? Toji was also staring at you with his mouth slightly ajar. Yep, you definitely sounded snappy.

"Sorry, it's just, uh, My boyfriend and I are, erm, kinda having problems, you see...My temper's been bad. Sorry again..." You trailed. You didn't really mean to tell them about you and your boyfriend's issues, but you panicked. You don't know what else to say to him after you 've just snarled like that.

"Oh, sorry about that. Uhh, I didn't know." Toji straightened up, licking his lips. What was that? He thought as he tried to find a reason why you brought up Yuka out of all the names. You couldn't be getting jealous. You literally have a boyfriend. Maybe you just remembered Yuka because you saw how she takes care of Aimi.

Toji's thoughts were cut off when you stood up, taking Aimi's bag. There was an exhausted look on your face as you turned Aimi to face him. He thought that whatever it is that you're going through with your boyfriend must be some serious problem if it's tiring you out like that. He'd be happy to give you a shoulder to lean on, but that wouldn't seem right.

"Say bye-bye to Daddy now." You pushed the kid's hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ears. Aimi waved to him, sticking out her lips as she asked for a kiss, which never fails to make Toji laugh. It's the most endearing gesture to him, and he can't help but wonder if you taught her that.

"You know, you could stay for a bit, right? I mean, you look really tired. We could all have dinner here or go out somewhere nice." Toji offered despite his hesitance, to reach out to you and help with your 'relationship problems' with your boyfriend. It's not like he's meddling; he simply wants to help you relax for a bit.

"It's okay really, I just uhm, we'll talk it through tomorrow and maybe I just need some rest tonight." You muttered. You realized that maybe he just wants to spend more time with his daughter and you thought that it wouldn't be bad if she slept over for the night.

"She has clothes here, right?" You adjusted her on your hip, letting her play with your necklace as she mimics the humming tune from the movie they were watching. Aside from giving Toji and her daughter more time together, you figured that since you're leaving early tomorrow to meet with your boyfriend, it'd be easier for the kid to just stay the night instead of waking up early the next morning.

"Yeah, why? She can stay the night?" Toji sounded hopeful, which made you feel more comfortable with the request you're about to make.

"Yes, of course. Plus, I'd also have to leave early tomorrow. I'm going to uh, my boyfriend's place. I think we need to clear something up. I thought maybe instead of waking her up early tomorrow, she can just sleep over tonight." You explained, setting the kid back down. Toji was more than happy for his daughter to stay the night. He wanted to ask if you'd be fine driving alone, but that would seem like he's trying to cross the line. He hated that he couldn't do much for you when you're in this state, but he could only offer so much with his place in your life.

"Yeah, yeah. That'd be great, actually, she has pillows here and stuff too." He chuckled, picking up his daughter to give her a long kiss on the cheek. It made you smile, knowing how much he had prepared for her. He's probably spoiling her with whatever she wants when you're not around, but that's just the pleasure of being a father and you wouldn't dare take that away from him.

"You be a good girl, okay? Don't cry." You poked her nose as you peppered her face with kisses making her hide it, burying it in the crook of his father's neck. "You too, be a good boy!" You teased Megumi as he hugged you.

"Travel safe tomorrow. Let's get ice cream when you come back." He smiled at you, glancing over at Toji as if reminding him that Sunday was ice cream day.

"I'd be back before evening tomorrow. Probably late afternoon." You informed Toji as he walks you out the door. Up until now, you still don't know how to properly say goodbye to home whenever leaving his house. You obviously can't kiss him, and a hug might be too much, so you always just settle with an awkward nod and a 'Bye.'

Tonight was different, though. Before you could step away and do the usual farewell you always give him. Toji pulled you by the waist, taking you by surprise. He doesn't know why he did it, but it seemed like you needed some form of comfort. It was on impulse, but he hoped that you wouldn't misunderstand it as him taking advantage of the crack in your and your boyfriend's relationship.

It took you a whole second before responding with a pat on his back. Toji was about to pull away when your daughter wrapped an arm around your neck and his, locking the three of you in place.

She was giggling, oblivious to the situation of her parents and just enjoying both of their warmth at the same time. Your eyes were fixed on the closed door behind Toji as he chuckled at Aimi, who's still squealing with joy. She's clueless. She's just a toddler and you could only imagine how it would break her when she finally understands everything.

"Mama needs to rest, love. You'll hug her again tomorrow." Toji pulled her away from you along with himself. He was too amused by her daughter's actions to remember the bitter truth about the family that they were trying to give her.

"Sorry about that. You just look really tired." Toji cleared his throat as he took a step away from you, as if suddenly aware of how close you two were to each other. He looked like he got caught stepping over the boundaries. Toji felt like a gun was pointed at his head, preparing himself to be reminded of his role in your life. It never happened. You just said 'thank you' before patting your daughter on the head and getting on your way.

Toji wondered if he'd ever get to hold you like that again.

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Just as planned, you left early in the morning. The air was cold and the little goosebumps that appeared on your skin were getting harder to soothe no matter how hard you tried rubbing on them. Your phone was flooded with pictures of Toji and Aimi from last night.

The little kid seems to be too comfortable sleeping on her father's chest to even worry about her bottle of milk. Megumi sent them to you in hopes that they could make your day and ease your stress. It definitely worked.

You tried to call your boyfriend while you were on the way to his place, but he didn't pick up the phone. You thought that he might still be asleep, so you just left a message saying that you were on your way to his place.

You hoped that you could finally clear up the concerns that he has, whatever they may be. Last night, you evaluated all the situations you had with Toji during the past weeks and you were sure that none of them could be the cause of why your boyfriend was being distant. You also stopped arguing about the co-parenting plan, so what could it be?

The streets are already bustling with people when you reach his place. Some of them nodded at you, seeing that you're back again in the neighborhood, and it made you remember the time that you were living around here. It wasn't a very great time considering the reason why you moved there, but it definitely was a peaceful time. Nobody knew you, nobody asked of what happened to you; nobody judged you.

You knocked on his door three times and you were welcomed by your boyfriend with a towel hanging around his neck. His hair was still wet and you thought that maybe he was just getting ready for his day. The time you spent with each other during the past few weeks was awfully short. If you put them all together, they probably won't even be equal for a day.

"Hey," He kissed your lips as he tugged you by the waist. "I saw your text, what's up?" He said it like he had no idea what was going on, but you know him better than that. You know that he can keep some things to himself just to protect your peace of mind. It has happened before, but for some reason, this one bothered you to an extent. You feel like you need to be the one to talk it out of him.

"I missed you," You wrapped your arms around his neck as you inhaled his scent. Your mind took you to last night when Toji pulled you in for a hug and you couldn't comprehend if it was guilt or butterflies that you were feeling in your stomach. The only reason you gave yourself for not pulling back is because your daughter pulled you back.

"Missed you too." He kissed your lips and pulled you onto the couch, his lips moving in sync with yours and caressing your waist before pulling away and staring at your face. This silence was unsettling. You don't know what he's thinking, but you could tell that he's got a gist of why you came here.

"You must've been really busy. Are you taking care of yourself?" You asked him softly, trying to start it as calmly as possible. You don't want this to end in a fight. Especially not when you won't be able to stay here for long. You just want to ensure that you're fine and that he's just really busy.

"Hmmm, I do." He answered, taking your hand in his and kissing it. His kiss lingered on your skin as if he was taking his time. "What about you? How's Aimi?" He asked, pulling you by the back of your neck to once again lock his lips with yours. You hummed in the kiss as you tried to tell him that you were both doing good.

"We're not having any problems, right?" You got straight to it as you pulled away. You want to know what is wrong so you can fix it immediately. He's an important person in your life and if anything, you want to solve things with him as long as you can.

"Do you…do you think of Toji when you're with me?" You thought that he'd be the one startled by your questions if you suddenly said them to him. Turns out, your initial guesses were correct. He's been hiding his worries from you again.

"Babe—" You started, but he cut you off by giving your hand a gentle squeeze and a sigh.

"The reason why I was so against you and him meeting again was because I know that you still have feelings for him." He explained, and you tried to deny yourself everything that you knew all too well. You tried to deny all your suspicions. You tried to deny all the signs that your heart's been telling you.

"It's been three years. You know it's not like that anymore." You don't understand why you keep refusing to accept everything when it's clear to you. All that time that you spent with your boyfriend, not once has Toji not crossed your mind. Even just for a split second. In all those moments you shared with your boyfriend, there was not a single one of them when you didn't think about how it would feel like if Toji was the one with you.

You feared that you made your boyfriend feel how Toji made you feel back then too. And he doesn't deserve it. He's not the perfect boyfriend, but he doesn't deserve that. You feared that you called Toji's name in your sleep, too. You feared that you moaned Toji's name instead of his when you made love. You feared that you were just using him in your desperate attempts to forget.

"Don't you remember calling me by his name when you're so lost in the feeling?" His laugh was sad, but there was a hint of acceptance in it. He just confirmed your thoughts. There's nothing to deny anymore. You don't know what to say, but you know what to do. If you're going to put him through this, then you might as well just not be with him. You might as well just not get into any relationships because… why? So, you can put them through the same pain you went through?

"I know that you cared for me, Y/N. I don't have doubts about that. I know that you really saw me as a part of your life. You even remember all the things I like." He held your face in his hands, attempting to console you and stop the endless river of tears falling from your eyes.

"I know that you can love me if you really want to." He pecked your forehead, "But I don't think you're ready to love someone else, Y/N. And that's alright." He continued and you felt terrible for putting him through this. It's not just because of what he has done for you. But because of how good he is for you.

Yet, you cannot bring yourself to fully love him.

"I'm sorry…" You repeatedly chanted the same two words as if it were a spell that could magically take away his pain. But they didn't, and you know when he pulled you close to his chest, whispering.

"I want to say that I'll wait for you, Y/N. But there's already someone doing that."

You know who he's talking about. But is Toji still waiting for you when he finally found someone who could be by his side? When he finally found someone good enough to take away his thoughts of you?

You stayed like that for a while, reveling in the comfort of each other as you prepare yourself to part. His chest was warm against your cheek and the steady sound of his heartbeat served as your support as your mind raced with countless thoughts about the timeline of your relationship.

You were unconsciously searching for Toji in every piece of your boyfriend all this time.

"I didn't know that I was putting you through the same thing I suffered from. You don't deserve it." You stood in front of his house, ready to leave it for the last time. You didn't know that an unplanned visit could lead to this. You thought you'd just be talking your problems through. You were clueless about how deeply rooted it was.

"It's not the same. He's alive and he's waiting for you. I can never compare the pain you felt with mine. I will never be able to fathom how painful it is to be compared to someone who isn't even within reach anymore." You felt bad that he's still the one comforting you after you broke his heart. As much as you hate to admit it, you know that he's right when he said that you cannot love someone else yet. His words gave you a better understanding of what you felt when you saw Toji with someone else.

You didn't lie when you said that your boyfriend made you feel that you were the only woman in his heart. You didn't lie when you said that he made you feel comfortable and valid. You didn't lie when you said that he made you feel happy. But the problem is you can never give him back those same things, even if you try. You want to, but you can't. Your heart wouldn't let you because it longs for someone else.

When you drove away, you had to stop the car a couple of times just to clear the tears from your eyes. You even stopped by a convenience store to get something to drink to clear your mind, telling yourself that you had to hold back just until you get home. It was a futile attempt to stop the growing crack in your heart.

So, it's been him all along. You thought as you cried out to the steering wheel. How are you supposed to fix your situation with him now that he might be seeing someone else? Why are you always wrong-timing?

You're phone vibrated and fate must be truly playing with you because the caller is ‘none other than Toji. You stared at the screen and wondered if you'd answer him like this or just let it slide to voicemail. You picked the former when you remembered that your daughter is with him and it's not good if he's calling because of an emergency.

"Yeah?" You responded, wiping your nose and trying your best to sound normal. It won't work on Toji, though.

"What's wrong? Where are you?" The sound of his voice was all it took for you to break down on the phone. You've heard it countless times, but it sounded more familiar to you now. Like you've been playing deaf all this time, and now that you've finally accepted it, you're being pulled towards it; harder than gravity ever did.

"It's ok, I'm on my way home." Toji, on the other line, had his brows furrowed. The moment you answered the phone, he can already tell that you've been crying and there's no way that he's going to let you drive like that.

"Where are you, Y/N? I'm not letting you drive like that. Stop and stay where you are." You could then hear him talking to Megumi about looking after Aimi and a couple of rustles before you heard the door slam shut. You don't really want him coming here right now to see you in this state, but what can you do when your whole being is aching for his presence?

"Y/N," You heard him call you again and you told him where you are. Too much has happened in half a day and you don't even know if you'll be able to tell Toji about it.

Can you tell him that you and your boyfriend broke up because you're still thinking of him? Can you tell him that you and your boyfriend broke up because, after all this time, Toji was still the one in your mind and heart? How will you do that when you know that there's a possibility that he's seeing someone else now?

You don't want to ruin things for him.

You sobbed in your hands as the rain started to pour outside. The skies are agreeing with your heart's deepest emotions. It was dark and the storm outside was violent and rough. The visibility is almost zero. The beautiful morning light was long gone and covered by the darkest and thickest of clouds. Like how everything turned upside down for you once again. You spent your three years making yourself believe that you're moving on when all that you ever did was try everything to shun the lingering feelings in your chest.

They never went away. You were just ignoring them.

Taps on your window brought you out of your mind as you rushed to open it. Toji hurriedly got in, drenched by the rain and a concerned look was plastered on his features. His clothes are soaked and you wondered if he took a cab here.

"Where's your car?" You asked him as you watched droplets of water from his hair. He looked more distressed than how you expected him to look.

"What happened?" He ignored your questions as he watched you stand up a bit to reach out for your bag to find a towel or anything that he could wipe his face and hair with. He grabbed your wrists as you looked at him with quivering lips and tears that were continuously falling down from your eyes.

He's fucking beautiful. You thought as he stared deep into your eyes. Now that you're all bare without a shield in front of him, all the emotions and feelings that you were trying to ignore are rushing out, clawing at your heart as they miserably try to make way for their existence to be known and recognized.

"I took a cab here. Now, tell me. What happened?" Toji knows that it's not his business to mind anymore. But seeing you like this turned a switch inside him that made him feel like he needs to protect you even if you don't want it. Even if he's not in the place to do that anymore.

"Did he hurt you? What did he do?" His mind flew to your boyfriend, who you are with this morning and figured that whatever is happening got something to do with him. He swears that if he fucking laid a hand on you, he won't hesitate to turn back and drive to his house, even in that weather just to break his jaw.

"No, he didn't hurt me." You spoke in a quiet, high-pitched voice, trying to contain your cries as Toji's damp hands started to get warm on the skin of your wrist. You wanted to explain everything to him. You simply can't find a place to start.

"You don't have to tell me if you feel uncomfortable," His grip on your arm loosen as he starts to pull away. Hurt was evident in his eyes as he looked down, the space between you becoming visible again as he thought that you were distancing yourself from him.

You were quick to grab it back, holding his hand in yours. His eyebrows were pulled together as his worry for you doubled. He was glad that you're finding solace in your touch. And if that's all you need from him right now, he'd be more than glad to give it to you. He sighed, squeezing your hand every few seconds to help you calm down. The look on your face made his heart race as his mind goes haywire, thinking about what could've happened.

"We broke up." You spoke after a couple of minutes of silence. Can I ask why? Toji asked himself as he thought of how to respond to you. He doesn't know what an ex should do or ask in this situation. He looked at your face and found you already looking at him. There was a small light in your eyes, one that you used to have before everything changed; the little light it held before he fucked things up.

"Sorry…"Toji started, struggling to string the right words together. He's never been good at this in the first place. He's not good with words, but he can only show you. But right now he can't pull you to him because he's drenched and you'll only end up getting cold too.

"Look, I know it hurts, Y/N. But it'll be fine. You'll get over him." He patted you on the back lightly. He knows that he wasn't saying the right things when your sobs got harder. He was reminded of the day you left his house. Three years ago and he wondered if this was how you looked back then. You probably had to stop in the middle of the road, too, because of the tears that were blurring your vision.

It's a heartbreaking sight.

"Did you feel like this when I left you?" You asked him and he was surprised. He doesn't know where the question came from. You asked it like you broke up with your boyfriend for similar reasons.

"What?" Toji thought of all the possible ways. Was your boyfriend in love with someone else? Did he get back together with an ex? He omitted the possibility of you being the inflictor of the pain because he doesn't think you can do that. You were happy with your boyfriend, right?

"He said I wasn't ready to love someone else yet…" You kept your eyes down, staring at your trembling hands. Toji thought he was hearing things for a second.

"What?" He repeated, focusing on the movements and sounds that escape your mouth. He didn't know that his imagination could run this wild when he was desperately hoping for something to happen.

"He said I called out your name…" You trailed, gathering the courage to look up at his shining eyes. A mix of hope and confusion was glimmering in them. You don't know if it's because he's not believing you or if it's because he cannot reciprocate your feelings anymore, now that he already has someone else.

You looked back down, feeling your chest tighten at the thought of it being a little too late. It suddenly became your worst fear. Nothing will change even if you realize the intensity of your feelings for Toji. You'd be the one watching from the sidelines now that he's finally found a woman for him.

You weren't crying for your now-ex-boyfriend. You were crying for Toji.

Larger droplets of tears escaped your eyes as you thought of how cruel fate was to you. You were about to open your mouth and say sorry to Toji when his cold, large hands cupped your face and the next thing you knew was how your lips hungrily moved against his. It was heated right from the start. All the frustrations, heartbreak, yearning, and desperation poured out in the form of fervent kisses.

"What about Yuka?" That was the first sentence you spoke when you pulled away. Toji's eyes looked at you quizzically when he heard the question escape your lips.

"What about her?" He panted, genuinely clueless as to what your question meant. Did you think Yuka was his girlfriend or something closer than a friend? You averted your gaze from him as you now sat on his lap, not minding his cold and wet clothes.

"She's my boss's secretary, dating the chairman's son. They announced their engagement, that's why they invited us to dinner last Sunday." Your face turned red at the realization that he noticed your sulky mood last Sunday. Then, were you just imagining the way he looked at her?

"I thought she…I just thought you looked at her some type of way…" Toji chuckled, kissing your hands. Your skin tingled at where he kissed it. It was one of the things you missed a lot about him.

"Some type of way? So, you were observing me?" He teased, kissing your neck and collar bones before pausing. You couldn't be more embarrassed, thinking about how your jealousy caused you to over-analyze everything.

"You were jealous," Toji whispered, nibbling at your bottom lip as his hands traveled around your body. You felt him slip one inside your shirt, caressing your waist as his lips left open-mouthed kisses on your jaw.

You relished the feeling of his mouth on your skin. It all felt new and familiar at the same time. He felt new and familiar at the same time.

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When you got to Toji's house, Megumi was carrying a sobbing Aimi. The little girl was hugging her brother as her lips quivered, eyes glistening with tears.

"Oh no, why is my Aimi crying?" Toji cooed as he rushed past them to change his wet clothes.

"She was looking for the both of you." Megumi chuckled, hugging Aimi as she calmed down at the sight of you and Toji. "She can probably feel that something was wrong, that's why she was restless too." He bounced her up and down until she stopped sobbing altogether.

"I can't carry you yet, love, I got soaked by the rain too." You talked to the kid apologetically as she leaned her head on Megumi's shoulder as she sucked on her finger. "Let me change first, okay?" You tried to comfort her. The toddler nodded, giving you a small smile.

Somehow, the house looked brighter than before. The colors looked more vibrant and the atmosphere felt calmer than before. It didn't feel like the house, you and Toji shared three years ago. It's like a layer of wall and dust has crumbled down, and now the windows are as clear as the water, with the light bathing the carpeted floors.

For the first time, in all the years that you lived here, the sun was shining down on you; covering you in its warmth and casting you its light. You're not a blurred figure in the background anymore, and Toji's eyes were the proof, as he stared at you from the staircase.

He's looking at you and he's seeing you; you and not anyone else.

He was shirtless as he walked down the stairs with a towel in hand. Megumi gave him a puzzled look as he wrapped it around your shoulders. Toji gave him a wink before pulling you upstairs, leaving his son with an open mouth.

"What is going on?!" He called out from the bottom of the stairs, making Toji laugh.

"She's back home, 'Gumi!" Toji answered back before pulling you to his room. He kissed your lips as he locked the door. Sitting you on the bed before reaching over to the bedside drawer. It was one of the things in this house that gave you painful memories and, Toji was determined to change that.

He covered your eyes as he went back to kissing you, not getting enough of its softness and taste as his tongue licked over your bottom lip. You don't know what it is that he took out of the drawer, but when you felt him slip it on your fingers, you almost broke down.

"I'm sorry I took so long, love. I'm sorry for making you wait." He whispered against your lips. Happy tears escaped your eyes as you let him prove himself to you.

This time, he'll see you as you are.

He'll take you as you are.

With open arms.

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