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smolbeandrabbles · 4 years

Text

Penguin, James Penguin - Killian x Reader (Spies in Disguise)

Alternate Title: ‘I Wish I Was James Bond’

Holiday Fic 5! 🐧🐧

@wltz-bby @happyskywhale

@xxstar-bluesxx - From one Killian Stan, to another 😉

Author’s Note: It is EXACTLY a year since I saw this movie for the first time.

I had way too much fun writing these two again, safe to say I missed them a lot 🥰🥰

Not joking, this plot has been in my notes since January - and I was like “Well I missed my chance completely with the song and everything!” It’s too good not to pass up!!

Reader character from my SiD series/prequel? You betcha! 😉 But this time we’re writing for them post-movie!

Also playing into the rehabilitation program / Agent!McFord storyline here. So I hope, Killian Stans, that he’s been worth the wait to come back to you. And that I’m ticking a bunch of boxes.

Note: Whilst the song itself certainly has a Christmas theme, the fic does not. At all.

Penguin, James Penguin - Brad Paisley

I Wish I Was James Bond - Scouting For Girls

Disclaimer: SiD & all associated characters not mine / basically taking the same idea as everyone else and slightly subverting expectations, because it wouldn’t be my fic if I didn’t / you don’t necessarily have to read ‘Mine’ to ‘Fresh Start Fever’ to understand this but it might help / lyrics & gifs not mine.

Premise: In an attempt to figure out how Walters Bio-molecular tech works, Killian ends up getting it wrong with disastrous (hilarious) results...

Words: 6793

Warnings: Christmas themed lyrics/No Christmas themed fic / if you squint there’s some slight sexual banter at the end there /

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I've got another story That I bet you haven't heard Did you know that Santa Has a secret agent bird From an undisclosed location He's watching me and you He's got satellite uplinks in his cufflinks Yeah he sees everything you do He's Penguin, James Penguin That dapper little guy Like a well dressed duck in a three piece tux He's Santa's secret spy Not so very long ago Santa didn't need much help But with more and more kids every year He soon got overwhelmed He told the elves one Christmas We can't do this anymore Then a knight in shining polyester Waddled through his door And it was Penguin, James Penguin He was there to save the day He had wireless And GPS outfitted on the sleigh And Santa said Penguin Won't you be my ears and eyes How'd you like to help me run My SCFBI He's Penguin, James Penguin And now I guess you've heard How Santa got his little Christmas Secret Agent Bird

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I've seen you walk the screen, it's you that I adore Since I was a boy I wanted to be like Roger Moore A girl in every port, and gadgets up my sleeve The world is not enough for the both of us it seems Hello Mr Bond, I've been expecting you Martini in your hand, and that eyebrow that you move Don't take this the wrong way, I know it might sound odd I'm the next double-0, I'm the right man for the job I wanted to be you, I wanted to be you I wanted to be someone else And I wish I was James Bond Just for the day Kissing all the girls, blow the bad guys away And I wish I was James Bond Just for the day Kissing all the girls, blow the bad guys away And I wish I was James Bond Just for the day Kissing all the girls, blow the bad guys away Roger and Sean and Timmy and George And Daniel and Pierce and maybe one day me

---

The light grey clouds rolled over the mountains on the horizon line. By the colour alone you suspected that you were due heavy snowfall. Up in a mountaintop hideaway you were growing used to such things... no bright blue sky today.

You folded your arms with a sigh; still, a little bit of sunshine would be nice.

KiTT - your assistance drone - beeped every so often as he moved about the room, doing the odd task. Other than that, the house was silent, for now. Your eyes hovered on the helicopter outside and then back to the clouds; would there be a chance of getting out of here for the next few days? You knew cars would be out of the question, it was treacherous even in snow fairing vehicles... Note to self: Next time choose a boyfriend whose idea of a home is not a typical villain’s hide out. Although you supposed it fit his role in all this. At least to the Agency. Things had changed a lot since Killian had tried to take everyone out with his own drones, but they were still very wary of him. You found yourself tasked with keeping him straight - you weren’t sure they understood your relationship. But agreed anyway.

Having finished his tasks and now bored, KiTT whirred his way back over to you, beeping his greeting. Blue lights flashing. You shook your head at him, “What would you have me do? I’ve given you everything I had on my list, why don’t you ask him if he needs any help?” KiTT’s next series of bleeps had you laughing; “I’m sure he didn’t mean to kick you out like that. K just needs to concentrate. You can get pretty loud!” Your drone protested, which only made you giggle. Especially as he tried to make the argument that he couldn’t possibly be any worse than the rest of them.

KiTT had a point: the drones that the Agency had let you take back now helped both you and Killian with lab work - amongst other things – and, with your own expertise in AI, each now had their own distinctive personality just as KiTT did. Sometimes you regretted that decision. Although they couldn’t have been further from his blue and silver finish; in sleek black and red lights. Fitting for your significant other maybe, but it made little sense to you for the Agency to have given them such colours. (And if you were honest, KiTT looks a damn sight better, but you supposed there was a bit of favouritism in that comment.) “Oh, yeah. Cuz nothing says evil robot quite like red lights.” Killian couldn’t clap back at that, KiTT was exclusively blue. “I didn’t design it.” “I know. Which begs the question, why the Agency was building an assassination drone.” He folded his arms, “Well they don’t care, do they?” Protection by any means necessary. Stop the bad guys by any means necessary. “Well...” You raised your eyebrows and tipped your head in agreement. He’d know a lot about that alright...

You found yourself looking back to the clouds and sighed, “You could always go check the weather for me if you’re really that desperate. Or if you could figure out a really quick weather changing machine?” If you could count KiTT’s next sound as a scoff you would, before blue lights ran across his body to let you know he was contacting weather satellites for you.

The sudden crash behind you snapped you both from caring about the weather. It was followed by a slightly smaller - but still loud – one, and then silence again. You immediately started towards the labs, “On second thought, sounds like I should have just asked you to go straight to him!”

When you both got down there it was a little hard to tell what had happened. At first it looked like nothing too serious; work surfaces scattered with tools, screens full of science mechanics... until you spotted the broken glass beakers and liquid running across the surface of a worktop, dripping onto the floor. “K?!” He didn’t appear to be in here, and yet none of his drones were either, which made you think it also hadn’t been them to make this mess. Or they’d made themselves scarce. You turned the lights up a little further and kept walking, cautiously. Well - for one thing, the floor was now covered in broken glass and curious liquids… they should probably be tidied up at the very least. Good thing your drone was in a working mood. There was another sound from further in the lab that made you jump, and you turned towards it. KiTT made a sound of worry. “Hush, clear this away, I got it.” He beeped again, “I’ll be FINE. Cybernetic, remember!?” KiTT’s next beep caused you to glare at him, “Don’t use that tone with me-!”

You made your way carefully over to the noise, stepping around the glass that had been spat all over the floor. You were sure it’d made its way to unknown reaches of the lab, and you should be careful where you were stepping. Sure, you wouldn’t bleed, but thanks to the upgrades it’d still hurt. When you turned the corner, you came face to face with a huddled form. Your head tilted curiously; eyebrow raised. You recognised it alright: but it was more the mystery of how it got in here. It might well have been the source of the crash - after all, you wouldn’t think a penguin to be very careful in a lab. You were just thinking about how you were supposed to catch it and then tell your partner: “Well, a penguin got into the house, and then your lab somehow, and destroyed all your research. Sorry about that-!”, when it turned towards you and-

“AGH-!!” This time you didn’t jump, although both of you were startled. Your eyes widened even further as you stared at him, on the verge of collapsing into laughter. “K?!” The laugh wavered in your voice and you tried to swallow it back, “What did you do?” Killian was very blunt about it; “Turned myself into a penguin, alright. Are you happy now?” “How?” - Trying not to laugh was having the opposite effect and he sighed. “Go on, laugh-!” You did, but still tried to make it muted, before taking a deep breath, “What the hell...? Did you try to copy Walter’s formula-!?” “Well, it didn’t work did it-!” “They are all pigeons; although this is appropriate for our living conditions.” You crouched beside him, “...I gotta say, it’s very cute.” “Shut up!” You knew, were he still human, he’d be red with both anger and embarrassment by now. You reached out to delicately touch his feathers; it seemed, just like Sterling managed to retain the bow tie, Killian would retain the outlines of his suit. He swatted your hand away and hissed; “Stop it!” “Just take the antidote. I mean, it’s all over the desk, but I’m sure we can salvage some of it. I assume you are trying for a pigeon, right? Or maybe you aren’t; gotta say I prefer penguins.” “Thanks.” He responded dryly. You only grinned your ‘you’re welcome’ and then stood to walk back to his desk; even if KiTT had managed to clear everything by now, if Killian had all the data, creating another batch of antidote shouldn’t take too long, and you could enjoy him as a penguin for a few minutes... or hours... more. “No! Wait! Y/N!” He hissed again, flippers grabbing your leg. “What?” Killian gave you a look of significance. Your eyes narrowed; “You took it without making an antidote!?!” “I took it accidentally!! And I had an antidote, it just wasn’t perfected-! Now I’m stuck as a flightless bird-!” “Deadly in water though.” You mused, tilting your head – that was not well received. Killian grumbled, huffing something under his breath. “So, this isn’t Walter’s formula?” “No!” Although it didn’t look like he was prepared to admit it. And you weren’t sure exactly how he managed to take it ‘accidentally’. “I did it myself!” “Well, this part worked.” You continued walking though, which made him waddle after you as fast as he could, “WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?!” “Uhm, to get Walter. He’ll be able to fix this-!” “No!!” He got ahead of you and tried to push you backwards, you halted; you supposed you understood why he wouldn’t want to admit what he’d done. You thought Walter would actually love that Killian’s formula was at least correct, even if he couldn’t reverse it yet. “What are you going to do Killian? Perfect the antidote as a Penguin? Think about this-!” “I AM!” “Rationally.” You stooped again and gathered him in your arms, to which he squirmed until you set him on a clear desk. “He’s the only one who can help you.” “I can do this myself..!” “As a flightless bird?” He’d been the one to say it-! He sighed, but was still unwilling to concede. Folding his flippers across his chest and turning slightly away from you. You stroked a hand over his feathers again, and grumpy as he was, you felt Killian lean into your touch and smirked as you teased him. “We could be halfway to D.C. by now...” He turned to you, eyes narrowed, and pushed your fingers away again, gentler this time. “Fine. But not a word to anyone.” “I promise.” You placed your hand over your heart. “And don’t pick me up again. It’s embarrassing.” You raised an eyebrow, folding your own arms, “So... what are you going to do, waddle around after me?” “Yup.” Killian jumped down from the counter, sliding across the floor to the exit, passing KiTT who beeped curiously and looked to you. You gave a shrug and rolled your eyes. “You coming?”

It didn’t take very long to gather all that you needed and throw yourselves into the helicopter. You thanked your lucky stars that he’d taught you how to fly this thing. Your eyes flicked back to those clouds, “KiTT what did the weather say?” He beeped the response; cold, very cold, chance of snow later but the clouds may have been long gone by then. What concerned you most was if the chopper would fly, he seemed to suggest you’d be fine.

You took a deep breath and flicked all the switches to their correct positions before starting the ignition, blades whirring into life. Your penguin turned to you from his seat, where you’d firmly belted him in. “You sure you know what you’re doing!?! You have to get us all the way to Washington D.C.!” You glared at him, “You wanna try it in your current situation!? You taught me!!” Killian knew he had no choice but to concede. “Just be careful! Nothing reckless!” “Says the man that just turned himself into a Penguin-!” “It was accidental-!” His voice pitched. You placed your hands assuredly on the joystick and moved the helicopter steadily into the air and into higher altitudes. “Accidental my ass, how do you take something like that accidentally-!?” There was overwhelming silence and you knew you’d won again. But sighed, saying softer, “Look, it doesn’t matter...” You pulled out across the mountains and smiled at the blue sky out across your horizon line, the end of this grey was in sight-! “Walter will have you fixed into a sarcastic, Australian, pain-in-the-ass by the end of the day.” Even Killian couldn’t help but laugh at that.

How exactly did you end up in this mess? It’s probably best to go back to the beginning...

Shortly after the whole drone revenge plan had failed, you received an anonymous text telling you to bring a car to a building close to the Capitol Reflecting Pool and Washington Monument. It said nothing more than that, but it made you curious. Upon running it through KiTT and discovering it was from the Agency, your curiosity was only further piqued. And on the dot of the specified time, you were standing outside the building leaning against your car, shades on. To be honest you probably couldn’t have looked less inconspicuous, and you wondered if the Agency, in reality, were about to laugh at you for being so gullible and arrest you too. Well, you’d escaped from them before, and that was more than just a few upgrades ago.

The doors of the building opposite slid open and your mouth was suddenly agape, you slid your shades slowly from your eyes, unable to hide your shock. Stepping into daylight - in a brand-new suit - was none other than Killian himself.

His smile was gentle as he made his way down the steps to you, and your heart was hammering against your ribs. As Killian stopped in front of you, you couldn’t help yourself but throw your arms around him. “Am- am- am I here to pick you up!?” God I missed you, I missed you, I missed you… He chucked, returning your embrace, “I believe that’s the idea, yeah.” “They just let you go!?” Killian placed his right hand in his pocket and huffed, “Well. That’s not exactly it, I had to bargain my way out...” You surveyed him for a minute, all his cybernetics seemed intact; he didn’t look messed with. Running a full diagnostic would give you the whole picture, but you were puzzled. “What’s the price?” “Joining the good guys.” You pulled slightly back, “You’re working for the Agency!?” He gave a nod, “That’s the deal.” “Double cross all your acquaintances?” You smiled, leaning back against the car, “Does kinda sound like you... Oh. Wow. You’re an informant?” “Not exactly.” Your eyes widened further than you felt possible; “You’re an agent!?” “You got it.” But Killian’s smile slightly faded, “Y/N, I- I was only part of the bargain, though.” You understood him immediately, “Me? They want me.” “You’re an inspired scientist; your expertise in the fusion of human biology and robotics… not to mention AI- they can use that. It’s not really even me they want working with them, it’s you.” “You offered me up as a chip!?” You couldn’t help but be a little upset at him for that. “You’re the only chip I had to play!” Even by the desperate look on his face you shook your head, “No.” “I need you with me on this, you think I was gonna do it without you?” His hand reached for yours, and you didn’t pull away. “So, are we... a team?” “Well, about that—-” His eyes flicked over his shoulder and you both turned.

Standing in the doorway now - each with a wildly different expression on their face - were Walter, Lance and... you believed her name was Marcy. Your eyes flicked to his face and back to them. Walter was the only one that seemed to show any kind of joy; and he was ecstatic. You pushed back just about every swear word you could think of. “You’re kidding me?”

He was not, in fact, kidding and after being hauled into a two-hour meeting - which you felt really explained nothing - you were essentially handed a file and an ultimatum. Either you worked with them, or you were thrown in a maximum-security prison. You had to laugh, because you didn’t think this was exactly fair on you. And they had you between a rock and a hard place... Killian and you had always had the same vendetta against the Agency since Kyrgyzstan (maybe his a little more aggressive than yours), and you had a life outside all of this. You couldn’t afford not to take their offer. The Agency knew it.

That made you a lot less mad at him for signing you up, and you turned down the opportunity to vent to him on the drive back; “What do I call you now? Agent McFord!?” “Shut up!” The faint blush across his face made you smile and tease him again: “You do know all that James Bond stuff was a joke, right-!?”

It was one of your favourites. The two of you loved spy movies, unironically. And Killian really liked the classic Bond films, how any time he’d make himself a certain drink you’d come for him with the same joke: “Is that a martini!?” “Yes-??” He was always curious as to why that mattered, only for you to give a pointed smirk, “Alright... James Bond!” And he laughed, hard. And you loved that sound, because it was such a rarity these days, “Surely in this situation Sterling is James Bond...?” Then you smirked again, and gave Killian your best flirty wink, “Not to me!” That seemed to always get you where you wanted. And wasn’t 007 known for his way with the ladies, after all?

Today in your car Killian did not raise to the bait, but you saw him shake his head as he stared out the window. “So, are you going by Tristan or Killian…?” There was a little smile on his face as he continued to stare at the scenery, “I’ll leave that up to you…” Your sudden gasp had him looking back to you as something else gelled in your brain; “Wait does that mean I get to say I’m dating a secret agent!?” “Oh god.” His groan was quiet and you were already grinning, enjoying yourself even more. “You should never have agreed to this!” “Clearly.” “Wait—!” You turned to him in absolute joy, “Can you just put on a British accent for like five minutes-!?” “NO!” And you noticed how he managed to accent his Australian to new levels. Clearly his childhood wish to be James Bond was getting fulfilled, but he wasn’t about to play into it for your whims...

You’d figure out how to break that will before long-!

It took Killian a little more time than he would have liked to convince you that his deal was a good one. You were basically flat out refusing to work for them, doing the bare minimum you possibly could get away with; it felt too much like coercion to you, and they must have known how much you stood to lose.

His first track was to use Walter; with both similar approaches to science & technology and similar levels of enthusiasm for it, the work it would be possible for you to do together would be nothing short of incredible, and both of you knew it. You acknowledged Killian was right, but it wasn’t something you fell for. The files Killian gave you, the access to read about the technology... that interested you. The potential to further yourself in your own field, even if it had to be done with the Agency, was a good draw. But still not enough.

So Killian did the one thing he could, and played the last card he had left. Himself. Baiting you with his own fate. “If they say I’m not doing my job and throw me back where I came from, what then?” You hated him for it, hated even more that he had a point. Hated yourself for having to admit you couldn’t be without him. You’d almost gone stir crazy between his arrest and picking him up. You couldn’t stand to think of it being any longer than that. Too much of a pain point, your one line. You’d both lost enough; you refused to let yourselves lose each other.

You did not become an agent though. Your role was strictly technology and it confined you to the labs. Which you had to be honest, you enjoyed. And because you had your own job – and were a name the industry knew well – you weren’t a full time Agency employee. Your research saved lives – was the reason you still had yours – the Agency couldn’t exactly stop you working on good conscience. Even better! The tension in the team didn’t really let up, but the combination of the four of you (and Marcy and co when necessary) worked well. You all got more done than any other team in the Agency.

Still, the enjoyment of working alone, or with Walter, didn’t stop you from itching to get out there or complaining about it to Killian. “Oh. I see I’m not an agent.” “Less expendable than I.” “Out of me and you, how am I-” “You have a reputation beyond the Agency and they know it. You’re the poster child of cybernetics. They did it to save your brain; didn’t you tell me that yourself?” “You made this...” You indicated to the parts of your body that were, indeed, cybernetic. “Yes, I did.” He touched his forehead to yours, “but the top half of you is flesh and blood and I do not possess the brain you do. For now, you’re best staying in the lab.” Walter didn’t stay in the lab and it made you antsy; running around with Killian or getting to do stuff for him was half the fun.

And eventually you whined enough to get to accompany him on missions, even though you still didn’t get to be an agent.

You had a few style tips for your 007 too. In the same vein as Lance Sterling, Killian’s crisp new Agency suit was complete with bow tie and dazzlingly white shirt. You couldn’t help yourself, looking him over. Oh, sure, Killian looked great, but he didn’t look like him. As you strolled over, Killian stood still and as tall as possible: his obvious thought was that you we’re going to straighten his bow tie. Not a chance! Instead, you unfurled it and threw the fabric to one side, proceeding to undo one... two... you hovered over the third button. Killian placed his hand over yours, “Isn’t that enough?” He should have known that was a fatal mistake to say; “For me? No!” You took a step back with a smile, at the creased eyebrow and small frown look on his face, surveying your handy work: “Mmm. That’s more you. Agent McFord.” And so this was how he started to wear his suits, and before long that signature blue shirt found its way back into the mix, much to your delight.

It was on these missions together that you both became curious in Walter’s biomolecular tech. You from a purely scientific fascination. He had Sterling turning from man to pigeon left, right and centre. And the two of you had drones (now equipped with AI), but even you didn’t have anything like that. Clearly Killian’s interest had become a little more than just the spectacle and scientific theory though.

No, clearly he’d tried to replicate it for himself. And the result hasn’t exactly gone as planned. You supposed he wasn’t about to allow Lance to one up him for the rest of his Agency career - however long that lasted. And Killian wanted to get back on level footing without Walters help; he wanted to do it himself.

And it had worked, a very valiant attempt, but he hadn’t finished his antidote or had miscalculated somewhere... And that was how you had all ended up in a helicopter flying yourself to the Agency labs, with a penguin in the passenger seat.

Yet with what you’d seen working here, this just seemed like a typical day!

***

You landed to the best of your ability, ignoring his slight glare of annoyance at the small bump as you set the helicopter down. You would call that trip a success. You stared at the heavy doors in front of you and gathered your pass; you heard KiTT behind you and his metallic fussing as he switched himself into all the correct safety modes and access clearances for the Agency. That you had done yourself; you didn’t trust Killian with KiTT, did they really think they would get the go ahead to touch him? Turning to Killian you cleared your throat; “You gotta act like a penguin remember-! So don’t talk to me! Or do anything a penguin wouldn’t do!” “What wouldn’t a penguin do!?” You unclipped his seatbelt. Well, you supposed a researcher would know, or someone that worked with them closely in a zoo. But he couldn’t just guess the Agency’s experience. Then again, it wouldn’t surprise you if he knew everyone in it inside out by now. “Look, I don’t know. But don’t make me talk to you, I’m going to look like an insane person-!” Realising that you were both still talking to each other you shared the same ‘shut up!’ look before agreeing not to talk with a silent nod, and with both KiTT and penguin Killian trailing you, you headed across the helipad with your Agency pass.

Here we go again...

God, you hated this building. Most times you’d been out here it hadn’t been for any good reason - and you still didn’t feel particularly safe within it. And so many people… Even when you worked your legitimate job you usually worked alone - or with people you actually liked - you could talk to yourself or KiTT and run your mouth, or talk things through without anyone answering you. Everyone at the Agency had an opinion. When it was just you and Walter it was okay, and Killian was right, you liked him. But sometimes other people got involved and it got messy. To the point where Walter would gingerly steer you from the room before you really went off at someone.

You keyed yourself in; immediately scanned by the Agency’s automatic sensors, the switch turned green and the door swung open for you. You hesitated for a moment and looked down to Killian. “I know you’re gonna hate this, but I’m going to have to carry you through security. I think that’s all there is for it.” You didn’t let him answer as you picked him up but, as before, Killian protested by squirming in your arms as you walked down the hall to the security area. “Geez, now I look like I’m smuggling in a penguin…”

You gained some funny looks for doing so, but you need only say the word research and they let you through with him. As you turned into the next corridor, through the next security door and it all looked empty, Killian nipped at your fingers; “OW! Okay… Geez-!” You put him back on the ground, only for him to shake out his ruffled feathers with a ‘humph!’ The corridors remained silent as you took the long way down to the research centre. And Killian switched from waddling to sliding around on his stomach. You watched with curiosity; you supposed that was faster for him than trying to keep up with you. You turned to KiTT with a raised eyebrow, only to see him also focused with puzzlement on the penguin. Knowing you weren’t about to get anything sensible out of your drone, you spoke once again to your boyfriend: “Is that easier to move, or is it just fun?” Killian barely glanced up at you, but you knew the look he was giving: ‘you’re the one that said don’t talk!’ He was right, but this corridor was empty, the last 10 corridors had been empty! “Geez you can just nod.” You were met with nearly exactly the same look, before he paused, nodded, and carried on his sliding. “It’s fun? You are too cute.”

It took you until the next door for him to stand up and retaliate, but when Killian did, he smacked your leg as best he could with his flipper; you could only laugh.

***

You wandered cautiously through the laboratory and he stayed close; perhaps you should have checked that Walter was actually in today. You could already hear the stirring of whispers, and KiTT beeped in acknowledgement. You glanced to him, “Tell them to shut the hell up then!” His beep was a little louder in annoyance, and you rolled your eyes, but he began flying ominously over the heads of the other scientists and chatter stopped, work resumed. You smiled to yourself; everyone was scared of KiTT because of what they knew Killian’s drones had been capable of. KiTT was harmless, and had no weaponry, but they didn’t need to know that. You quite enjoyed how scared they got sometimes. Served them right for the majority of it. You were a little overcome with joy to see that Walter was indeed in his lab, and even more happy to see that Lance was nowhere to be found. You gave him a wave as you knocked on his door and received a big smile back. “Y/N! I didn’t know you were coming in today!” “Unplanned, I do confess. But it’s good to see you Walter!” “Well, it’s lovely to see you too! You working?” “Actually I came to ask a favour…” “Oh!” He straightened in his chair as he swung it towards you, large blue eyes curious, “What is it?” “Your bio-molecular technology?” “Yes.” It was at this point he noticed the penguin, and you could see the million questions racing in his mind, so you opted to continue quick before he got a chance to ask them. “Is that just for Lance? Would it work on anyone? You must have the formula, right? Is there any chance I can take a look? Both for the transformation process and the antidote to it. I mean you guys are using it all the time.” “Uuuhhhh…” Now you’d given Walter a million questions, and his eyes kept flicking downwards to your companion. “Well, I…Yes, I guess I could…. show you how to… Do you want to do this with a penguin?” “Ignore the penguin.”

Walter tried to keep his eyes on you, especially as the look you were giving him was serious, but eventually they trailed back to the bird at your feet. He studied it for a while and ignored you trying to protest him disregarding what you’d said. He leant forward on his chair, “Killian?” Instead of acting as he was supposed to, your partner became immediately angry. “Not a WORD to Sterling, or I SWEAR-!!” Instead, Walter lit up with a gasp, “You perfected your own formula!?! That’s so amazing—!! Colour me impressed-! Well, I could make what I made for him, so you can turn pretty much at will-!! Well-” He turned to you with a smile, “with some assistance of course-!” “A secret agent penguin!” The idea was funny to you, but at the same time you couldn’t help but love it. Killian immediately protested, “NO-! THATS STUPID, WE ARE NOT—!” You nudged him with your foot to shut him up, before continuing a sensible track of conversation, “First off, I suppose we should get the formula done. Then we can think about what we want to do with it afterward.” “All you need is the antidote right? I can get right on that… but, Killian, I’m going to need your help with what you did…” Walter spun back to the computer and began typing away, “Pull up a seat you two!” You dragged one across, and Killian scrambled up onto your lap; “I don’t have my formula, but KiTT could probably download it. He has a satellite uplink to the lab back home.” Walter nodded, “That’ll do, I’ll have to make sure the antidote coincides… I can’t promise this will be short though, you might be stuck like that for a few more hours.” “Hours!?” Killian sounded exasperated but turned to your assistance drone: “KiTT, see if you can link back to the lab and access file F-BMP5. Then send it across to Walter.” KiTT, glad of something to do, bleeped happily and set to work. “Sorry buddy.” Walter replied softly, “A penguin though, I’m impressed.” “Not entirely easy to find birds where we live.” This caused you to chime in, “Genuinely there are penguins up there?” “If you know where to look.” “Huh!” You smiled gently, “You’ll have to show me!”

Walter worked as quickly and carefully as possible, and as you suspected people were fascinated. Everyone who passed couldn’t resist knocking on the door and asking what a penguin was doing here. Some even having the nerve to ask, ‘Is that penguin talking?’ By the time the last one had enquired you were up by the door: “NO!” and slamming it back in their face. Walter took precautions to lock you all in here and frost the glass for privacy after that.

Killian remained in your lap, and you held him close, stroking your fingers through his feathers again, this time he didn’t seem to mind too much, and at times when you paused, he would nuzzle against your hands to get you to continue. Though you knew he would never admit it. As he continued working on the antidote, Walter again brought up the possibility of using this ultimate spy tech regularly. Killian didn’t seem keen, but you wondered if you could get him to warm to the idea… “I’m sure that we could find a little suit jacket for you in that form.” He glared back at you, “You’re enjoying this a little too much, aren’t you?” “A little, yeah!” You grinned in admittance, making him turn to Walter. “It’s a hard no from me.” “Aw, Killian, c’mon!” That only made Walter chuckle, “Let him get used to it Y/N, he’ll like it eventually, Lance did.” “You mean just leave him like this for a while?” Walter grinned, “Something like that!” Killian spluttered, stamping his foot against your leg; “YOU TWO PUT ME BACK RIGHT NOW!”

When Walter had the serum made up, he walked you both into another lab to perform the procedure. Killian let you carry him. “You can drink it if you want, but I’d like to run a few tests.” “Meaning what?” “I mean, if I put you under anaesthetic… I can check a few things.” “Is that usual?” “No but it’s your first time, and Lance’s wasn’t a pleasant experience I just want to make sure you’re okay, or Y/N will kill me.” Killian narrowed his eyes at both of you, standing there trying to look so innocent. “Fine. If I wake up and I’m not human again, I’m going to kill both of you.” Walter winced, however you only smirked; “Noted!”

***

When Killian awoke again, he was indeed human. But he was not in a lab in Washington D.C. instead he was in bed, back in the mountain top hideout. Had he really been out that long? Or was whatever drug used in the anaesthetic or antidote so strong he simply couldn’t remember anything else. He stretched, glad his head wasn’t spinning, and walked into the bathroom. Skimming his fingers up the side of his neck he pressed down on the projection switch. Killian checked this every morning as routine; that the system worked, that there were no problems with the metal, or his eye. This morning, nothing worked. He straightened up with a frown and tried again. Nothing. Killian rushed through the house; “Y/N! Y/N!” He sounded panicked, making you shake your head and call him through. “In the main room, babe.” He ran the rest of the way, “Y/N, my projection isn’t working!” You turned to him slowly, crooked, amused smile on your face; as if you were trying to hold back a laugh. “Are you sure? Why don’t you check again?” This time Killian was more careful, fingers sliding up his neck tentatively. He paused, realising that he couldn’t even feel the switch. It no longer existed. His eyes flew wide, voice quiet; “You- you- fixed it!” You grinned, smile slowly spreading across your face as you nodded, “Yes! So now you have a complete face!” He sprinted the rest of the way to you, grabbing you into a hug. You couldn’t help laughing, throwing your arms around him too as Killian buried his face in his shoulder, “You can cry now too! But please don’t! I would feel terrible!” “How-!?” “Turns out I can pick up a thing or two… Called in a few favours...” He pulled back and you framed his face with your hands, stroking your thumbs over his cheeks, “The Agency have better tech, but I never admitted that out loud. I’ve been wanting to do it for a little while but… Walter finally gave me the opportunity.” “...Thank you.” “Oh, don’t you start.” You indicated to yourself, “I have far more to thank you for.” You gestured to his robotic arm, “I thought… maybe I’d leave that. That was a feat of engineering y’know?” He laughed, “One thing at a time, huh?” “Yes!” You agreed with a nod.

Killian tugged away from you for a moment, and studied your clothes. He was in luck; they were the ones you had been wearing at the labs. Although, as he glanced to the colour of the sky perhaps it wasn’t the morning after all, perhaps it was later in the same day. It was snowing, though, so that weather prediction had been correct. Killian couldn’t be sure when it was exactly, but it was imperative you were wearing these clothes. “I just need to do something.” You were confused as he got closer to you. “What?” “Don’t get too excited.” He ran his hand down your body to the pocket of your jeans. “I mean, I can’t help get excited, you’re here and touching me.” “Stop it.” Although Killian smirked, slipping his hand into your pocket. You stilled, and your features pulled into a highly suggestive look as your eyes scanned his; “I mean, I have questions, Agent McFord.” He rolled his eyes at you as he fished a small disk drive out of your pocket. “…Wait!” You gasped, moment broken, “What the hell is that!? Where did you get that!?” You patted yourself down suddenly, “Killian-!” He closed his hand around it and beckoned you with him, turning to walk back to the labs, you hurried after him, “No one was paying much attention to the Penguin, were they!” “Wait! Seriously! What is that?” “Shush, you’ll see.” He plugged it into his computer and you waited patiently for it to boot up before you found yourself gasping again; “Is that… The Agency’s entire weapons tech!?” “Yup.” You whipped around to him, hands on his desk, “ARE YOU DOUBLE CROSSING THE AGENCY!” “Kinda.” His face was fairly nonchalant as his eyes held yours again. “Killian!” You couldn’t believe this was happening. After all that talk, and trying to persuade you into this. “After what they did...” He transposed the files, “are you really THAT surprised?” You folded your arms, hating that he had a point, “...Well no. But I... thought you might be a little more discreet.” “What they don’t know won’t hurt them - besides a few months ago you were telling me I was double crossing all the people I worked with, so is it double crossing a double cross or is it simply that I’m an effective double agent?” “... That’s a lot of doubles.” “Mm.” “I figure that’s not what the programme and agreement of your release was for. K, if they find out…” He tipped his head, eyes very nearly pleading with you. “I’m not covering for you!” “Accomplice?” “Not in your wildest dreams!” You were grinning - but maybe grimacing, because you thought perhaps you’d get caught up in this too, being part of his damn agreement - and Killian already knew he’d got away with it. You were going to be there for him no matter what he did and no matter what happened, you’d made that promise too long ago and you’d never break it. Not after what you’d been through together. You folded your arms again, “I won’t rat on one condition.” His eyes rolled, “What could that be?” “If you’ll agree to use Walter’s biomolecular tech, penguin yourself on missions in the same way Lance does his pigeon transformation.” Killian scoffed, “How?!” You were sure he wished he didn’t ask as you produced a collection of vials from a table across the lab. Killian’s face fell slightly. “You did not.” “Oh, we did!” “That’s most certainly punishment.” You indicated to the screen, “Someone brought this upon himself.”

There was silence, before he began chuckling, pulling you into his arms gently - and you were only too happy to accept his hug and a kiss to your forehead. “Geez. The things I do for you!” You moved to catch his lips delicately in ‘thanks’. Oh yeah, like you couldn’t say the same thing!

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Thank you for reading the penultimate fic of the year! 😁