#Again actually. I’d been in THEIR map it was the first big one I got into as like a 13 year old. And then like 5 years later they rolled up

[madschiavelique]

Hello! May I request a drabble or headcanons for a poly romance with Astarion x Fem!Reader x Shadowheart? Perhaps taking place post-game or late Act 3? I’d love to see them trying to navigate their new lives together. It can be fluff or hurt/comfort, whatever fits best to you. Thank you! :)

hey there sweet anon !! okay so it wasn’t specified if Astarion was ascended in this or not so i’ll go the route where he is not ascended !

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ pairing : astarion x fem!reader x shadowheart

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ content warning : some hurt/comfort, mostly fluff (i am so soft for them), fem!reader (although i think it could be read as a gn!reader), no use of y/n

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ words : 1.5k + bonus 400 words (around 1,9k)

( not proofread, english is not my first language ☆)

Shadowheart, depending on if her parents are still alive or not by the end of Act 3, would definitely want to visit them more with you and Astarion by her side. Not only because she wants them to meet you both, but definitely because she is frightened.

Frightened ? yes, because she has lost so many of her memories, and she fears that she might never recover them no matter how hard she tries. Yet somehow, you and astarion being by her side reminds her that the best memories are the ones to come, the one she will create with the both of you.

As for Astarion, he has never been much out of Baldur’s Gate during his life, being tied to Cazador and trying to escape wouldn’t have made it possible for him to get his freedom in any case. 

He had tried to escape, failed several attempts, and never managed to let his mind fully take in that he could taste freedom someday. He has probably dreamed about it though, this need for liberty, for a change of scenery, which he got from travelling all this time with you and defeating his master.

So one word would reunite you three on the matter : travelling.

Now that you had the title of heroes of the nation, or actually, heroes for saving the entire world, you had no worries for anything. You couldn’t wait to travel, just the three of you and see all the places you had only seen on maps, but you had to stick with a few activities in Baldur’s Gate.

Posing for hours on end for painters to make sure your heroicness would live through history, inaugurating monuments to your memory, and all sorts of reunions with bards and writers with each and everyone of you reciting your versions of your adventures.

Some receptions took place in Cazador’s now empty manor, Astarion having inherited the place, and some rings that would allow him to be constantly exposed to the sun if he wished. 

You were not accustomed much to big events like these. The last months had been made of exploring in various armours and dirty clothes, fighting and eating whatever you could find or steal along the way. 

And here you now were, all three of you in expensive clothing, a corset tightening your waist till you felt like breathing was the hardest fight of your life, buffet so full you thought the tables would crack under so much food at any moment, a flute of golden champagne in your hand as you had to boringly listen to whatever aristocrat lady was rambling about before you.

“I’m starting to feel like I miss wearing armour,” you huffed as you tried battling with the laces of your corset, struggling to untie them.

The evening was over, you had all retired to your quarters, undressing for the night.

Astarion’s cold hands came to stop your fingers from any more tie wars, taking the reins to undo them.

“I thought that woman would never stop talking, she could make Gale look like a debutant in the art of monologuing.” laughed the vampire, softly unlacing your cage and allowing you to breathe again, placing a soft kiss to the back of your neck as his fingers came to massage your soft skin.

No matter how many times he did that, you always shivered. Your head fell back on his shoulder, sighing with contempt in his embrace. 

“When will we finally be off of here?” 

“Soon enough,” smiled Shadowheart with her hair down, wavy from her braid. “Pity you have to remove that dress though, I could get used to seeing you wearing more of those.”

Her smile was contagious, and you allowed it to place itself on your own lips. She came to help with your hair, removing the assortment of pins, pearls and other ribbons in them, kissing your temple and face from time to time as you giggled.

She was right, soon enough you three had gathered everything proper for a good trip. You didn’t have many belongings, moving from one region to the other during your adventures had taught you to not get too materialistic. 

This hero's-pass was however useful in many aspects. You were given goods for your travel, scrolls, alchemy necessities, and big fancy tents with comfortable futons. But the most interesting and probably useful gift were the three horses and the donkey given to you, the latter given to carry your belongings.

“Tell me this isn’t some sort of bad joke made by Halsin,” asked Astarion as he arched a brow, eyeing the dapple grey stallion that was about to be his new road companion.

“Scared of a different ride than us ?” you chuckled as you lifted yourself on the stirrup and pushed yourself on your mount.

“You’re hilarious,” sighed the rogue, biting the inside of his cheek as he seemed unsure as to the way he was supposed to handle this thing.

“Have you never been on horseback, Astarion ?” Shadowheart ended up asking.

“I think your clarity of judgement must’ve understood by now that during the last couple of centuries, I didn’t have the best scenery to ride those kinds of things.”

After convincing him numerous times that the horse would not stomp on him or do a rodeo as soon as he went on top of it, he finally accepted to get on it.

Thus, your trip began. It had no end in sight, just the beginning of something new with your two loves, and that was all you needed to know.

As you were about to take a path leading you to another region, Astarion stopped, turning towards the silhouette of the city for just a moment before following you and Shadowheart. 

“Is everything alright ?” you asked after a few minutes, Astarion lost in thought.

“Hmm ?” he asked as he raised his eyes to yours. “Oh yes, I’m fine it’s just… Odd.”

“Odd ? What do you mean ?” asked the Shadowheart.

“Well,” Astarion started, “I thought that some sort of magical invisible rope would tie me back again to the city and forsake me to leave. But the further we are from it, the more this feels… normal ?”

“I feel the same way,” she seconded, “my purpose was pulling me to it, and now I don’t feel anything.”

“Exactly, but it doesn’t make me feel empty, more like…”

“Liberated ?” she smiled.

“Yes, liberated...” he hummed as he repeated the word with a satisfaction.

The journey went smoothly, the familiar sensation of resuming the adventure in a certain way taking hold of your heart, but the firmness of your saddle leather reminding you of the discomfort it could cause. 

It took Astarion barely an hour to start complaining, two before he finally decided to get off his mount and walk, and three to convince you to take your first break.

It was a pattern ready to be repeated for all the days to come. There were no itineraries, only discovery.

Passing through new areas meant that a few villagers and other locals would recognise you. You were offered food, asked to touch the heads of new-born babies as if you were saints, and children crowned you with daisy tiaras.

Some of the smells of the food revived in Shadowheart the ghosts of a past that was gradually revealing itself to her. You stayed overnight in villages, and she always listened to the stories told to children before going to sleep, hoping to recognise a character from one of the stories, or the feeling of the petals she pressed tenderly between her fingers, reminding her of such distant fragments of fields coloured by all sorts of flowers. 

You could see it in her eyes, every time the past pressed its fingertips to her temple and squeezed its hands across her throat when her voice broke, that glimmer of hope glistening in her eyes.

You took her hand every time, encouraging her to go back to her memories as far as she possibly could. She looked at you with such tenderness, each time.

Every morning, without missing a beat, Astarion would wake to see the sun rise from its slumber. The feel of it on his skin was an embrace he loved and cherished every single moment.

When the three of you shared the same bed, and he didn't want to wake you up by moving around, he'd just sit there, upright, waiting for the rays to pass through the curtains.

The first joy of the day was a ribbon of sunlight that wrapped itself around your hand and caressed your shoulder, and Astarion traced it with his fingertips without waking you up. He would never dare disturb your peace.

It was after visiting everything there was to see that you finally decided to settle in a pretty, dilapidated stone house that you renovated with your own resources. To this day, you receive your friends when they would be able to afford to come and see you, and you bask in your freedoms.

Bonus content for this : 

Several months into your travels, you had already received Gale's invitation to meet him in Waterdeep, so that he could find out more about your new life and see you all again.

You set off, and soon enough the realisation that you would have to take the boat to shorten the journey seemed to displease your two companions. 

‘Are you sure we can't make some better use of the horses ?’ interrogated Astarion.

‘We have mostly made them walk and trot a bit, we could surely make them galop just a little?’ Shadowheart rejoined.

But they finally gave in when the entire length of the journey by horse was compared to that by boat.

The two of them tried as best they could to stuff themselves with anti-seasickness potions, but as the effects of the latter were short-lived, they remained cloistered in the holds of the boat for the duration of the journey.

Back on dry land, you took the horses that had travelled with you for the last little stretch of the journey. Having finally reached Waterdeep, you asked the first passer-by where Gale Dekarios was staying.

You almost expected someone to look at you with round eyes of incomprehension as to whom you were searching for, but with a broad smile the passer-by gave you a precise indication of where he was staying.

Gale welcomed you with open arms, his new mage robes modest yet exuding nobility. 

‘I wish I could say otherwise but sincerely, the beauty of a cloth doesn't equal the kind of comfortability I had when we were in the middle of the Absolute's schemes. I sometimes grieve for these times, I never thought I would admit to it one day but I have got to say that ending the day with mud and whatever creature's blood we'd encountered on my robes sounds more thrilling than some of the books I now own.’

When Gale started a sentence, it was hard to stop him in his flow of words, and although it may have made you huff and puff at times, you had missed it.

It was while discussing Shadowheart's memory that Gale suggested a spell that he had been trying to master recently, allowing you to reopen memories buried deep in your brain.

During your stay in Waterdeep, Gale helped you to piece together Shadowheart's memory and restore as much of her past as possible.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

What are your opinions on each of the songs? (you can answer with as much or as little detail as you'd like)

Big shocker that the songs from the 2 good episodes are in S and the only one that isn’t is still B tier/sar

The first 2 songs in S made me either tear up/shake violently or cry, and therefore they deserve to be up there IMO. Out for love is also just genuinely catchy and had actual build up to it. Also God “Ready for This” just. OOUGGGHHH IT SCRATCHES MY BRAIN SO GOOD LIKE A WARRIOR CATS MAP. I like it a lot. You cant have multiple characters sing about working together and expect me to NOT cry.

“Stayed Gone” isn’t one I listen to often but it’s so peppy and fast and full of hatred I can’t help but enjoy it. Also everytime the song starts my brain does this

I dont know anything about Welcome Home

I have. Issues. With “Loser, Baby” but aside from those the song holds a lot more weight to it than I usually give it credit for. And for as cheesy as the start if it is, the line before of Angel talking about self destructing resonates with me a lot. Also Husk lays down in a puddle of vomit and no one talks about that ever.

I think the first song in B is “Happy Day in Hell” and I’m adding it there 1. Because it is the first song 2. It gets a reprise thing 3. Charlie almost gets hit by a truck. Other than that it’s not really my favourite but I respect the impact it has.

“Hell is Forever” just fucks. End of story. Alex Brightman killed it.

“Respectless” is good I love Velvette’s VA, but the sudden start of the song and the ending are so out of left field the first time me and my friends watched this show we had to pause cause we lost our fucking minds. Could’ve been better but I’d listen to it again, yeah.

“Hell’s Greatest Dad” is silly and funny and maybe I’m biased as a violin player and jazz enjoyer but a lot of the instrumental tickles my brain so nicely. I will say though it confuses me so much because why does Alastor care about being seen as a father figure?? My mom said it could just be him wanting to show up Lucifer and that’s it but I dunno.

“More than Anything (Reprise)” AKA “Charlie and Veggie Kiss Scene - Hazbin Hotel”

This song sounds like it’s straight out of Barbie & Th Diamond Castle and I’m honestly pissed the girls in the movie didn’t kiss so I’m coping with this. ALSO THE FACT ITS A REPRISED SONG ABOUT LOVE MAKES ME A BIT CRAZY. I never noticed this was the same song Lucifer sang to Charlie SOMEHOW but that’s actually really cute.

“It Starts With Sorry” Has a big part in Sir Pentious’s character growth and just his character in general. I’ve been working on this in my Pentious rant but I never see people mention how much this song probably meant to him. Yeah it’s super corny, but he was fully expecting to be killed and had just been told to kill himself. This was definitely huge for him and I’m not gonna be convinced otherwise.

“You Didn’t Know” is really good but Lute’s part is by far the best and I pray to GOD she gets her own song in S2 her voice actor can SING. GODDAMN! I am very interested in Lute’s character development and I love seeing what people do with close-minded characters like that and hopefully Vivzie doesn’t condemn her to Vivziepop Woman Syndrome. If she isn’t important in S2 I’m going to be pissed but I dunno maybe S3 if we get one.

“More Than Anything” Wish my dad was like this! This song is incredibly sweet and I appreciate it a lot. Honestly might go way higher on the list if I keep thinking about it.

“Whatever It Takes” Sorry you will never be Imagine Dragons. Vaggie doesn’t sound anything like herself cause her VA is making her voice so much more gruff for her character, which is fine! I like her voice (the voice direction is not very good but I digress) it’s just her voice is so high in this I can’t even tell it’s Vaggie.

“Welcome to Heaven” is boring, but we got a Molly cameo!

“Poison”. Read this and this and this. -10/10. I’d rather make out violently with Elon Musk.

[thirsty-lakedream]

Third Roomate

I arrive after a long day of classes and this is the first thing I see when I walk into the apartment.

I’m not too surprised. It’s quite normal to see my roommate sitting on the couch and watching one of his shows. What I did not expect is how he looked.

“Hey, Matt…”

The guy glances over but says nothing, instead turning his attention back to the tv. Instead of his normal sci-fi shit he instead is watching a baseball match.

“Matt, yo I’m talking to you.” I try to block the screen with my body but he simply leans over, pointing the remote to the screen.

“In a sec man, I’m trying to watch the game.” I roll my eyes. I doubt he actually knows what’s going on about, just trying to play into his new look. “And stop calling me Matt, you know my name.”

I roll my eyes, “God you are obsessed. You know, when I agreed to buy ‘Gabriel’ with you I thought I’d at least get a turn every so often…”

“Oh come on.” The muscles blonde stood up, towering nearly a foot above me. If I didn’t know any better, I’d feel a bit intimidated. “I’m just having some fun with our new toy before you take him for the rest of the night!”

“Is this fun? Your sitting all alone pretending to be some dumb jock interested in sports. Tell me Gabe, did ‘Matt’ even go to class today?”

He shifted slightly trying to hide away, but with his big frame it was difficult to. “Not exactly… But don’t worry, l attended for him.”

“Dude! Are you serious?” Turning away from the guy, I barged into my roommate’s room, where I found him exactly where I thought I would. He stood in the center wearing a full-body haptic suit and VR headset strapped onto his head. He faced the wall, seemingly staring at nothing. The equipment was rigged to his PC, with the screen showing all sorts of familiar diagnostics and body mapping windows.

“You’ve seriously been using Gabriel all day? Even when you know I called using him tonight! Now his batteries are gonna be dead before I can even use him.” You grab him by the shoulder trying to shake him back to reality.

Matt didn’t turn to me but responded to my accusation “Relax bro. He’s been on the charger since he got home so you don’t have to worry! Look!” From behind me Gabriel walked up, standing attentively.

Both Matt and Gabriel spoke in at the same time in unison. “See? Look I’m Gabriel and I’m ready to go out with my frat bros all night!” Matt performed a mocking jig and Gabriel mimicked the exact movement. He then touched his finger to the temple of his virtual reality goggles and in an instant Gabriel halted all movement.

You see, Gabriel isn’t a real person, he never was actually. He’s what’s known as a techno-puppet. Like how in a video game you can use a controller to manipulate your avatar. It works the same way but instead you control this hyper realistic doll. It wasn’t hard to see why Matt took such a liking to living as him. We spent the last month building this entire life, even forging papers to make him an ‘official’ student in our college. We have people thinking he’s our third roomate, but in reality he’s just a toy for us to experience an exciting college life.

I waited for a moment as he took off the VR equipment and handed it to me. Hiding away into my own room, I excitedly put on the gear. Sitting myself down comfortably on my bed, felt around the headset until I found the power button. Pressing it, the technology in the haptic and goggles whittled to life. After a brief loading time, my vision awoke and I found myself once again standing in Matt’s room. My roomate grinned trying to hide his envy as I was now in control of Gabriel. Maybe ill give him a taste of his own medicine for hogging the beautiful body by taking him for the entire weekend. I know Matt is harboring a secret crush on our puppet so teasing him around the apartment can be a warmup to get into my new persona

[dainesanddaffodils]

FFXIV WRITE 2024 DAY 1: STEER

Hello friends! This is my first year doing ffxiv write and I’m really excited!! We’ll see how much I get done lol

Anyway Day 1: Steer

A young Cimorene travels on her first ship and considers both present and future travels || Pre-Canon || Rated G || 630 words

Before Cimorene Greystone was the Warrior of Light, she’d simply been Cimorene, daughter of Geneq Mol. But, though her life had been infinitely simpler back then, it had been by no means static.

“Sunshine, step away from the wheel; let the man steer our ship,” her father gently scolds.

Cimorene, a girl of nine summers, pouts - first at her father, then at the sailor in question. He’s as tall as Geneq but almost twice as wide with vibrant green skin and a wiry grey beard. He grins down at her.

“Got an interest in ships, lass?” He asks.

Cimorene glances again at her father. He is constantly making friends with strangers, leaving every town they enter with a dozen different folk promising him - and, by extension, her - a room and a drink the next time they pass through. She’s never seen any of that come to fruition. In her memory they’ve never been in the same town twice.

She doesn’t know how he does it, say the right thing, make the right joke, read people’s intentions and personalities with little more than a look. Maybe it’s something you’re born with, rather than learn. Still, she isn’t going to know if she is always letting him do the talking. She’s almost 10, after all.

“Never been on a ship til today,” she tells the man, trying to get her quiet voice to carry - the way it did when she sang. “Been on a ferry but they’re not half so big. And they only go one place - these go all over, don’t they?”

The man laughs but it seems to be with delight and not at her expense. Geneq laughs as well, gently ruffling her hair until she shakes him off, feeling a more genuine smile form.

“To an extent, aye. There are specific routes we sailors have navigated over the ages, ones we knows are safe, and we charge those lookin to charter accordingly for that an’ the distance, but there are few places we can’t getcha.”

Cimorene considers this, looking ahead at the vast ocean toward where they’re headed - La Noscha. It’s the first time she’s ever left the Shroud, at least in her memory. She has a mental map of where she and her father have been but mental is all it has ever been. Whether Geneq is actually traveling aimlessly or if he, like her, has a perfect memory for places and has a clear path in mind she doesn’t know and has never asked. What she knows is her life feels like an autumn leaf on a breeze, like the sea air on her face now. Light and free. That’s how she wants it to stay.

“I think I’d like to be a sailor,” she declares.

Geneq laughs. “I’m betting it’s a fair bit more work than it sounds.”

She scowls up at him. “I don’t mind work!” Both men simply laugh harder.

The old sailor glances at her father, exchanges a wink Cimorene bets they think she didn’t see. “Tell ya what little lassie, when we get closer to port I’ll let ya take a turn on the wheel. We’ll see if ya have the knack.”

It’s clearly a consolation but the prospect is nonetheless a thrilling one so she perks up. “I would like that.”

Her father claps her on the shoulder affectionately. “Now let’s let him get back to work. We’ve still got another day on this ship at least.”

Cimorene nods and even lets him hoist her up on to his shoulders, even though she usually complains that she’s too old to be carried like this. He likes it and she has a better view of the sea and horizon line. The wide world that still awaited her, and the endless possibilities.

[deckerroosevelt]

Chapter 7, part 1

  

I hopped on a train leaving at 4:37 from Paddington. I would be in Birmingham at around twenty past seven if there are no delays. I had to change my seat several times as I didn’t have a ticket. I didn’t take anyone’s seat so I didn’t want to think I was a criminal. And if I had a ticket, they wouldn’t have checked it.

   I got off the train and the misty air surrounded me. It had been a cold night and I had felt it when I left. It’s still a bit chilly and it looks like rain. Winter is coming. 

   There were people everywhere and they filled my vision. Nobody noticed me and rushed on with a fast pace. People are always in a hurry, even this early. Is it so hard to just stay put for a while and enjoy the moment? But who am I to judge? I have never been in a hurry really. Nobody has expectations for me. I wouldn’t know.

   A drop of water landed on my nose. I took out my umbrella and started walking away from the train station. My legs felt heavy after the long train journey and a poorly slept night. I stopped by a corner shop to get a coffee. Nobody noticed me until the alarms went off. The high pitched sound sounded utterly familiar to me. No one came after me.

   I sat down at a bus stop and took out my notebook. It was a bit damp but not wet. I took out the map and started inspecting it. If I was here now, I would have to go that way and then turn on that street and hop on a bus there and get off here. I put the notebook back in my backpack and tried to shield it with my lunchbox from the water. I got up again and tried to memorise my way. There should be a hotel in that area where I could stay. Not a fancy one but there is everything I need for one night.

   I felt proud after I made it to the right area and the right road. Aston Hall road. The place wasn’t in the best condition, but I had seen worse. I wanted to locate the hotel first so I wouldn’t have to be outside too late. It wasn’t really safe here in my opinion. It was a tavern and looked quite cosy actually.

   I had marked the spot with a red marker on the map. It was in Aston park right in front of the Aston Hall. I had noted that the remains of the victim were setted up perfectly in the middle of a round spot of grass. The limbs were arranged to form something that looked like a human, but some pieces were in the wrong places. I wondered if it was intended to be found or why had he done it that way. This was the oldest case from him that I could find.

   I stood there thinking what would Harding do after murdering a human being. This happened about at the same time he went missing, so I’d assume it was his first victim. But in what state of mind was he? Had he gone totally mad at the time or did he have emotions still left. He had been on a holiday with Avery here before he went missing. They might have had a house here since Avery said that they visited Aston once to twice a year in the missing report. Or they were regulars in some hotel. I wonder if Avery is still coming here.

 Where would Avery go regularly here? I went to the Tesco nearby. There were so many people I started relaxing a bit. Normally I would get anxious in big crowds, but now I was just relieved. I went to some workers and showed them Avery’s picture. I had to do it quite many times but it was unuseful. Maybe Tesco is too big. I need a smaller shop so they could remember their clients. I walk out of the supermarket empty handed and walk on Witton road. There should be some shops and restaurants.

   I step into a small store selling snacks and stuff. The owner is an older woman but seems to be in good health.

   “Don’t take your eyes off me, please. This is important”, I beg, already frustrated after Tesco.

   The woman seemed very confused but commanded. She kept her eyes on me and I sensed a hint of sadness in her eyes. Did I offend her?

   “You seem troubled. I can see it in your eyes. Would you like a lollipop? I could give it to the house, not that it would help though”, she started turning.

   “No! Please. Don’t turn. Have you seen this woman?” I showed the picture to her.

   “Avery”, she simply stated and the grief in her eyes grew. “She was a lovely girl. Used to come here often on her stays in Aston. She was here a while ago but- No, I’m just imagining things.”

   “Was she different in any way? Where was she staying?” I got excited. Finally something.

   “There was something off, I must admit. Do you know something about it? I have known Avery since she was young. Her mother had died when she was young. There was something in their grapes that year if I remember correctly.”

   “What do you know about her father?”

   “That was a tragic incident. He went missing here, you know. A horrible murder happened not long after. Poor Avery’s whole reputation went down hill as people started whispering. Their whole wine brand went bankrupt and Avery got depressed and started seeing hallucinations. Such a tragedy. Such waste.”

   She kept her eyes on me intensely. I was quite impressed by how calm she was.

   “How was Avery different last time you saw her? And where might she be now?” I went straight to the point. I had no time to lose.

   “She didn’t come here. I know when she usually comes around here but this time I didn’t see her even once. That doesn’t sound like a lot but especially after her father went missing, I have been kind of like a mother figure to her. One reason might be that I saw her father. The hallucinations are real. But, oh, he has changed drastically. I don’t know if he’s a human anymore”, she shaked her head slightly and looked down. Just when I was getting information. Would I really have to go through this conversation again?

   But then she looks back to me and waits for me to say something again.

   “I know. I have seen him too, trust me”, I confess looking at my bandaged hands.

[sportsthoughts]

BEER LEAGUE UPDATE!!! Woo! Happy Sunday

I did not skate for 30 minutes this week! …I skated for 60. I subbed in for the game after mine and both teams I played on only had two right wings. Honestly, I thought it would be more exhausting than it was. I was getting pretty gassed going into the third period of the first game, but then I found a second wind and was straight-up vibing throughout the next game.

We lost the first game 2-0, so sadly we are no longer undefeated. However, my adopted team won the next one (2-0 again)! For that game, I was playing AGAINST my goalie friend and that was a blast. I got some shots on her, but every time she stopped them with a very emphatic “no”. Once she said “anyone can score except for you!”. I didn’t get to score on her (though I got some SOG in both games, and even lifted the puck pretty well on one! I’ve been working a ton lately on lifting the puck while moving, so I was really psyched to actually pull it off in a game.), but I did get an assist! Made a play in the neutral zone that set up the first goal.

Highlight: my skating is getting SO MUCH better and people noticed! I got a really nice compliment from one of my teammates about how much I’d improved since last week. I’ve been practicing crossovers for ages but have never really used them in a game cause it’s just not natural for me yet, but I did it a bunch of times tonight and it went really smoothly. I’m also falling a lot less. I’m not actually sure I have a low point this week, aside from the fact that we lost.

Your last response made me laugh because my dad’s parents lived in Bloomington their whole lives! I’ve been there a lot. You randomly picked a city I’m very familiar with. Their arena is known as BIG, both because that’s the acronym and because it’s huge. If you’ve seen the movie Miracle, that’s the arena where that team practiced before the Olympics! I think my dad may actually have been living there at the time. This is the same dad who once met Crosby and Fleury in a hotel on a work trip and while his coworker was freaking out and getting a picture with them, my dad was just like “dude, can we hurry up and go to dinner” because he doesn’t really care about hockey. I will never not laugh picturing that interaction. Imagine being a super famous athlete and encountering a man who was less enthused by you than he was about the Italian place he was on his way to. I’ll leave you with that tidbit until next week!

First of all i'm sorry it took me so long to get to this, anon! In my haze of covid and getting ready to move house this got buried in my ask box and it just occurred to me that I never replied!!

Wow they are working you HARD huh! I'm laughing at the thought of you playing against your goalie friend. I'm picturing sid and flower teasing each other during practice.

And yeahhhh your skating is getting better! That's awesome!! Next stop all stars.

And what do you know?! I must have been drawn to Bloomington for a reason. I'll be real with you, I had to just google a map of America because I have no idea where MN is - I thought it was kinda central and to the right? Turns out it's at the top near Canada! The hockey makes sense!

I also have not seen the movie Miracle - should I? Also wow that your Dad Experienced The Presence. I think if I were in that situation I too would run off to find my dinner because I would feel awkward to see Sid in real life. 100% a fairytale character to me and 0% Real Boy.

I am curious how long your beer league runs for - and the fact that it doesn't run in time with the ordinary hockey season? Is that for a reason? Do all beer leagues run at the same time each year? Or is it a year round thing?

[strugglinguist]

Friday was my first time attending and speaking at a conference in person since becoming physically disabled. My mobility has changed/worsened rather dramatically this year, which was only one of the things I was trying to anticipate so that I would do well throughout the day and not hurt myself.

The good news is this conference took place at the university ten min down the road from my house. Easy enough! I knew from checking maps that where they had us park meant a bit of a walk to the building. I left an hour for me to take as many breaks and whatever I would need. Also I get overheated so easily, I wanted time to cool down before anything got started.

When I actually got there, I realized that part of campus is essentially a gigantic hill! I walked out of the parking garage (with my forearm crutches) and looked UP at campus. Along that stretch there were two or three covered stairways up this hill. I laughed OUT LOUD at the idea of what would happen if I attempted that. They’d find me dead half way up or I’d have to move in! 😂 I knew the building was essentially on the other side of the hill, so I could get there by just walking around said hill. This meant slightly more walking than I anticipated, but that’s why we planned!

I have now checked just how far this walk was. It was a legitimate half mile. I was able to walk a mile in like… March or April of this year? But I have not been able to do that at all since. So shout out to my newest med for allowing me to do that with only two breaks. I definitely could feel the soreness as I got to the building. I was tired. But I did it. I cooled off and the conference went off without a hitch! I made it through 7 hours of constantly on social interaction, intense linguisting, and a presentation just fine. Boss! I know. I know. 😉

After the day, we were all going out to dinner a few blocks away. We all needed to move our cars, so I knew that meant I was repeating that big walk again. And now I was tired tired. I made it, but it was incredibly difficult. I basically worked my legs to failure. They started to be shaky and twitchy, and they got really heavy and difficult to coordinate. But I made it to my car!

I had to park at the far corner of the block from the restaurant, and I seriously was considering just going home. But I knew people were expecting me, and I pushed through. And dinner was lovely! I was definitely very peopled out by the end, but the food and conversation was excellent! And then I just slowly drug my tired body back to the car, drove home, and willed myself up out stairs.

Once I landed on the couch, I couldn’t walk the rest of the night. I relied on a rollator and went to bed rather soon. I’m really proud of being able to do that day. I’m also very aware just how different my body is these days compared to last conferences or even earlier this year! But I did it. And I’m definitely sore, but I’m getting around pretty well today. I’ll be back to baseline tomorrow I think.

[crushed-starlight]

WILD CRUSH LORE TODAY !!!

so instead of actual class today, we had a self guided walking tour of a neighbourhood in our city !! (it’s relevant to our course i promise)

meadow and i were walking together and he mentioned we were sorted into groups again, and that we were in different ones :(

HOWEVER !!

when we got there, everyone had already kinda grouped with their friends, including us two with our friend ,, let’s call her goose (since she’s a silly goose like meee) and some others !! and the lecturer basically said “well it looks like you’re already in groups so you can just stay in those instead” !! big win !!

so me, meadow, and goose got to explore a bunch !! i’m good at navigating, so i did most of the directions stuff from the print-out maps we got given.

we ended up finishing early and going exploring to a store that neither of them had been to, and goose’s boyfriend showed up and those two left pretty soon after, leaving me and meadow alone in a completely unfamiliar part of town :0 so we shopped a little and headed off to a house viewing we had planned to go to :)

now . keep in mind . i already have plans to live with my current roommates next year and meadow is gonna live with one of his roommates and a friend from back home that might transfer to our school ,, so not me . HOWEVER. that roommate wasn’t free today so i came for emotional support !! so i was just along for the ride :3

we got to the first apartment, and the person who was meant to give us the tour …….. didn’t show up !! so we just waited for like 20 minutes talking about ??? and making dumb jokes and yknow ,, being friends. then we went to the second property and got a neat tour !! the apartment kind of sucked but the tour person assumed i was the other potential tenant so i just .. kinda played along ?? and asked questions and stuff ?? as if i was actually considering it ????? it was a fun lil fantasy moment for me :3

after that we walked home and i played our spotify blend from my phone, wow we both have abysmal music taste. i love it.

anyway, i realized i need an actual game plan instead of just simping in silence forever. so !! i made one !! in beautiful illustrated flow chart form !!

surely nothing will go wrong and my plan will go perfectly right ?? right ??????? RIGHT ?????????????

we have class together tomorrow again, i don’t remember the last day we didn’t see each other. i knew uni life was gonna be a crush-filled chaotic mess for me but i didn’t think i’d get in this deep after only a couple months.. :,)

[wirewitchviolet]

The Entire Plot of Final Fantasy 14, with all the expansions, and some serious analysis of how good it actually is. (Part 10 - Post-Endwalker... mostly.)

Last time, we covered Endwalker, the most recent expansion as of when I’m writing all these, and genuinely serving as an ending to the story. To date, the plot irons we’ve hard in the fire are the threat posed by this evil empire which was very much going for a nazi thing, this mysterious council of evil weirdos whose motives were never really pinned down until the third expansion, and this whole tragic cycle of races not considered to be human summoning gods that just exacerbate tensions with their neighbors, and we genuinely did resolve all of that. We also got uh... let’s say kind of ambitious, and established that basically all life anywhere in the entire universe has been wiped out except for the people on your planet and a few stragglers showing up at the cafe we’re helping some unstoppable killing machines set up as a change of pace. And I don’t actually expect them to walk any of that back, except maybe the god summoning, because I’m pretty sure the current writing team did in fact get the memo that people MUCH prefer the later relatively light-hearted self-contained adventures to the grim political stuff.

Also last time I tried to embed this cutscene from halfway through the final boss fight and it wouldn’t let me and I need to stick it in here because seriously it is hilarious how they just sucked all the tension out of fighting the would-be destroyer of all life in the universe to throw in this random silly nonsense.

I also didn’t really get a chance to share my closing thoughts on the expansion, which are of course that it’s kind of a huge mess? Tonally it is all over the map in a really jarring way. That’s largely true of the game as a whole, but usually there’s a much smoother ebb and flow to it. You build up to a big tense dramatic moment, leave to regroup somewhere, have some lighthearted encounters with the locals, and build back up. Then major side content between expansions is either all silly, or a raid that builds things up then releases the tension with some super sappy happy ending. Here though? Intrigue with NO payoff, then some hijinks, then torture and suicidal nazis, then a big action beat immediately giving way to cute little moon bunnes, then tender gay moments with the past selves of villains, then a really legitimately dark climax, and this jaw-droppingly comedic bit with Zenos here. Just what the hell? Plus you know the actual major threat that this big old apocalypse is really going to actually destroy the world and all its splintered off alternate dimensions simply holds no teeth, because we’re coming DIRECTLY on the heels of the expansion where you pull one of those back from the bring of destruction, and nobody in their right mind would retroactively make that some sick shaggy dog story. Also it doesn’t really make sense how it plays out. We built up this meteor shower imagery forever but then it’s literally just an ominous skybox and we’re actually dealing with some sort of psychic attack.

It’s also a weirdly comedic expansion on the whole. I don’t know if I really properly conveyed it but basically every major scene has someone kinda taking the piss out of the whole conversation by being too self-aware about things in one way or another, and like, I’d honestly say it all lands. Anyway, I can’t get into the entirety of the next between expansions interlude because as of time of writing only 60% of it has been released, and again, that’s 60% of each plotline going on, so nothing has a conclusion right now. But I said I’d cover what there was to cover so here we go.

After getting back from the far reaches of space we have no outstanding crises to deal with for the first time ever, and have some nice relaxed conversations with people. Mostly Krile and Tataru who respectively are responsible for the cutscene above to some degree, and uh... from where I sit the biggest remaining threat to the world? While everyone else was off saving all life in the universe, Tataru was just aggressively expanding her personal business dealings all over the world. She’s got this international trade network going, status as a fashion designer, her own personal airship, and she’s just rolling in cash to a point where she just gifts you your own private island.

The island is it’s whole THING where you basically play like Stardew valley in your downtime and I haven’t really personally gotten into it as I have work I’m trying to get done. Everyone else is off doing their own thing in semi-retirement. The twins are still doing relief work in what’s left of the empire, Krile and G’raha just sort of went back to college, with her clearly having a thing for him and him still having this hopeless crush on you. Pretty sure Thancred and Urianger are just shacked up somewhere and hanging out with the moon rabbits, and Estinein is hanging out with Vrtra and damn right do I ship’em. Hanging out in the markets though, he finds out about this secret underwater treasure vault which is another of the things Emet-Selch shouted out as something to maybe check out when you get home, and the most recent apocalpyse mainly hitting Thavnair means there’s a lot of orphans and such who could use rebuilding money. Y’shtola comes along too because any weird unexplored secret area could be of some help in her current personal project, working out how to hop dimensions at will, both because it just seems cool to do, and because she misses the cat man she was shacked up with in the First.

So you head to the bottom of the ocean, fight some guardian constructs, reach a huge treasure vault, and it has both heaps of gold and some big ominous construct which turns out to have a small stable portal to the void inside. Oh and then Vrtra walks in and basically goes “hey guys, you’re uh.... not seriously breaking into my personal rainy day fund to rob me are you?” And uh, whoops? We also explains what’s up with the gate, and turns out that forever ago, during the backstory to that demons and air pirates raid after Heavensward, he had a big sister who charged straight on through a gate duing a big demon invasion to take the fight to their leader. I’m not really cool with us continuing to retroactively give Midgardsomnr more children we’d just never heard of so hopefully five is our final count? Anyway, he wanted to rescue her, which is the reason he made his weird little kid spy body to begin with, but figured it wasn’t worth the risk. Y’shtola is all about taking a field trip to hell, because hey, portals one can actually walk through open up to there all the time, and this was even a thing in the First with the offensive caster role quest. Vrtra has misgivings, being a responsible adult, but all you have to do is take those new warding scales we have all over to keep the protagonist from being the only one who can do most things, have Cid add some extra protective plating, research how to create an artificial version of a hell-mouth demon to absorb this stable portal and make it bigger, and in you go. Vrtra wants to come along personally and gets an upgraded version of his weird kid body that’s an adult with a worse voice actor because again, these days actually playing with other humans is strictly optional and you need a switch hitter tank/DPS to round things out. Oh and for some advanced scouting Y’shtola sends in some nixies she creates with a ritual she came up with when she was like 6 and is now deeply embarassed by.

Before we get into that though, we have some side quests to maybe deal with, and we are officially way overdue to check in on Hildibrand. After your last interaction where people got sucked through an interdimensional rift, Gilgamesh went off to do Gilgamesh things, and Hildy’s body got spit back out over in Thavnair somewhere, but he’s in a coma, so Nashu took him to a doctor. Doctors can’t fix souls being stuck in the First, which is clearly what’s happening here, so you just... rinse out that soul container you’re still carrying around and head off to grab him, and uh...

He’s fine, he just never ditched his ridiculous getup from the last time you saw him and has amnesia again. You apply the traditional cure of throwing big cartoon bombs at him and drag his soul home. There’s a bit of minor drama with Dr. Lugae’s sort of back from the dead form which ends with a big robot head in a jail cell, and then Hildy being kidnapped by a badly drawn alien in a crappy little UFO. You, Nashu and this conspiracy theorist crackpot you’re hanging out with head up to the moon to look at him, and find him... several times over. The little alien he met just kinda made a bunch of clones of him for fun. You deal with that, there’s more random shenanigans, his dad randomly shows up, as he’s wont to do, and messing around with the big stone face of mars type structure on the moon causes it’s mouth to open and this to happen.

Apparently this was a big welcoming party thing they set up and nobody remembered to call it off when people didn’t end up needing to evacuate to the moon. Also Godbert’s here looking for meteors to combine with his own extra manly sweat as the base for this expansion’s obligatory set of ultimate weapons with a very involved side quest. Kind of him to share his terrifying power.

Meanwhile, there’s those twelve gods people theoretically worship that you’ve never had a chance to kill. That’s not right. The nerd squad and some random wandering bard type guy, along with another glasses wearing orc girl nerd end up investigating a mystery spot that takes you to a big secret floating island right over Mor Dhona which turns out to kinda basically be Mt. Olympus. When you show up to poke around, a decent swath of The Twelve pop out and insist you fight them. At first they fake you out with this whole bit about being bent on taking over the world given the new power vacuum but after you go smack them around they just pop up again and apologize for messing with your head. They swear up and down that no, really, they aren’t actually gods someone summoned who are parasitic and mind controlling and all that (but yeah Louisoix totally did someone some of those based on his ideas of them the one time), and don’t actually have any evil plans. They’re just chill party people and they want you to beat them up, for reasons they’re all kinda weirdly coy about. Given that they have freaking adorable little animal alt forms they might have the same basic thing going on as the auspices, the cute animals in a cave who need to be beaten up periodically to not go berserk from post-Stormblood. They’re very upbeat in any case.

Again, this chain is only two out of three 24 person dungeon raids in, time of writing, but they’re super friendly and after you’ve punched roughly 8 out of 12 in the face, a couple ask if you wouldn’t mind touring around with them, checking in on things, as they help the nerds research what their actual deal is more. Somewhere in here Halone, the goddess they worship in Ishgard, asks you for your honest opinion on what her worshipers are like these days and uh... you are diplomatic enough that the list of possible responses doesn’t include being REALLY honest. What with the calling everyone heretics and casting them into pits and waging holy wars against the dragons and all. She’s pretty disappointed in them.

Our other raid meanwhile involves heading into the past again to help some random Ascians deal with daddy issues and some security breaches at the incredibly haunted looking prison for really super dangerous monsters people make that for whatever reason people don’t just unmake. It... really isn’t grabbing me at all, because as I’ve said, they’ve only ever managed to make one Ascian even a little interesting as a character and I particularly can’t for the life of me be made to care about the tragic backstory of Lahabrea of all people. I will note that at one point you pretty much fight Dracula though, and at another point you fight the prehistoric megafauna version of carbuncle, the very pikachu-like starter the summoner class gets. Slightly less cute than the standard variation.

Also the current cliffhanger to all that involves the whole prison appearing in the present, which is less than ideal, but again, resolution to this currently on hold.

Oh and there’s also some sort of choose-your-own-adventure dungeon with 12 possible storylines I... really should have gotten around to before I sat down to write this, and a bit where Alpha and what’s left of Omega are exploring around as the latter continues to struggle with trying to work out the whole power of love and friendship thing. Mostly though, the real meat on the bone here is getting back to that field trip to hell, and a serious extension to Endwalker’s tribute to FF4.

You pop out at this big and honestly quite beautiful gothic castle with twisted and warped architecture just kinda floating in a big cloudy void, and start just kinda charging forward killing any demon who looks at you funny to secure the area, eventually reaching its master, which is... for some baffling reason a nod to Beatrix from FF9? But as soon as you take her down, in swoops another demon you immediately have to fight after he absorbs the big smoke cloudshe desolves into, the archfiend of earth, Scarmiglione, who yes, is the first in a series of four bosses we are going to fight in rapid succession, who are all serving a big super-powerful guy named Golbez, who I guess fairly appropriately swung by to seize power after the last time you were here and killed the final boss from FF3.

Having dealt with that, you just sort of have free reign of the place. There’s still various weird looking demons running around, but while it’s not particularly useful, they’ll talk to you rather than attack. Mostly begging you not to eat them and wondering what they’re going to do now that their mistress is gone. They do however point you to a smarter than average demon they have in the prison in the basement who Beatrice was planning to kill and eat later, who as you go down and let her out, recognizes you and asks if you’re Zenos’ friend.

OK look. You can’t just go and ask a thing like that. Especially not with Y’shtola standing right there, she is definitely the type to be too perceptive and never drop it. Not a conversation to really have in front of Estinien and his new boyfriend either for the matter. Turns out that when Zenos picked up that scythe, officially switching to the Reaper class, he bound his soul to this demon (that’s just what the class’ deal with, you get one too if you take it, proving you somehow learned absolutely nothing about giving random sketchy entities a space key to your soul after Shadowbringers), and ended up back here after he died. Which... is a little confusing to me. Like he DEFINITELY died, but that was at the end of Stormblood, before these two met. Before the credits rolled, the protagonist just had a knock down drag out fist fight with him, and I didn’t get the impression AT ALL that he got punched in the face hard enough to kill him. You could make some kind of argument about him just like burning himself out to get there or not having a way back or something but... there’s a nice cafe right there. Get rest up, get a sandwich and a coffee, show up for an awkward third date in another expansion or two. You don’t go to all that convoluted effort to bring this sick freak back and then give him an implied off camera death. Anyway, you clear up how you know her, and a big light crystal someone suggested you take along for elemental opposition purposes flashes and changes her to a less demonic form.

She’s pretty apathetic and doesn’t really recall a name she feels like giving you, so Y’shtola just decides to call her Zero, and apparently the developers claimed to be incredibly shocked when a huge chunk of the fanbase developed an instant crush on her. Which is about as plausible to me as when Capcom put out that press release about not wanting to see sexy doodles of the giant woman with the cool hat from RE8 and then proceeded to list her exact height and shoe size. Don’t go pretending to be surprised when people are into the badass futch slow to open up half-demon woman who acts tough but is secretly all caring and dresses like freaking Vampire Hunter D. We all see what you’re doing there! Anyway she has plenty of useful info but explains that all interactions here in the void are contract work with payment, generally in the form of draining aether out of each other. Also that the reason she looks human is that she hadn’t been born yet when everyone in the world started turning into demons because look for real she’s just female D here.

Anyway Scarmiglione, as is his deal from FF4, does not stay dead and jumps in with a second boss fight. He and his minions just keep coming back no matter how much you kill them, and Zero explains that yeah, death never sticks here. Now, I already knew that, it’s something I’ve been griping about this whole plot summary, but like, it’s an official canonical thing in the Void. The connection to the whole great aether flow/lifestream from FF7 deal is just broken like a lot of the laws of physics and general state of matter in the area, so when you die either another demon eats what’s left of you, getting stronger but then also having your soul and memories stuck in their head forever, or you just... come back from the dead after a bit, totally fine, at full HP even. She doesn’t actually say “full HP” but she comes weirdly close. So the only way to keep Scarmiglione down, since you not being demons can’t eat him, and she doesn’t want any jerks all bound to her soul like some kind of protagonist of this game, that just leaves her using her super cool ancient artifact scythe that kills you and converts you into a big magic crystal. But you know, gotta pay her first.

Anyway, the other deal with this place is the world’s kinda missing but if you’re sufficiently cool you get your own personally little castle on a floating rock and minions to boss around if you promise not to eat them. Zero invites you back to check hers out and see if any of the loser demons she lets live their if they promise not to start anything know anything useful about this missing dragon sister or this Golbez guy who’s apparently a real big shot she’s not personally familiar with. All the demons look like horrible evil things and they’re all just massive cowardly dorks and I kinda love it. There’s a mindflayer hiding out in a corner who’s all traumatized having gone in for one of those summoning deals and turns out it was just some real Hellraiser type psycho who wanted freaky bondage demon sex and knife play and just nope, nope nope, screw that, back to hell, never getting summoned again thanks!

Anyway on schedule, your next boss fight is Bayonetta. I mean Barbaccia. Or maybe I do mean Bayonetta because she totally has magic hair and halfway through the fight makes a skintight bodysuit out of it and starts making her hands and feat all super huge to smack you around.

After the fight you get one of those Echo flashbacks but all it tells you is Golbez doesn’t do face to face meetings so you still don’t know where to find him, but he does have our missing dragon, who still hasn’t become a demon because dragons are just tough like that. Except for the dragons you fought the first time you were here. OK elder wyrms are tough like that, OK? Anyway, Zero overexerted herself crystalizing Barb and a significant percentage of her mooks, and not really feeling cool leaving her unconscious with always hungry opportunistic demons around, you drag her back out with you. I appreciate how the whole party apologizes profusely for yanking her to another dimension without her consent, it is kind of a rude thing to do. In order to help her recover you bring her some apples, and she just goes “OK the deal was supposed to be that I take your aether directly, but, I guess this still works, holds her hand out, and drain’s an apple’s life force out.

And this of course leads into this whole “no no, eat it all regular, get the flavor” and her not really being impressed, and you giving her a tour around the place, and promising to take her home, and her just being “I literally don’t care about anything that isn’t basic survival, we’ve been over this. You wanna keep paying me in apples to help with your thing, sure, otherwise I’ll just sit around wherever.” But then you’ve got a whole thing with Cagnazzo getting conjured through by demon summoners Golbez has an in with in what’s left of the empire, Vrtra feeling his sister’s presence over there, which turns out to just be her eye, but it’s something, and generally dropping everything to run up that way. And while you’re distracted with that, Rubicante slips through the other portal and smashes it so you no longer have the upper hand on travel. Oh and I’m just kind of assuming you’re on a first name basis with the major bosses from FF4 here. If you aren’t go play FF4 already, it’s an absolute classic. But yeah, Italian names, elemental themes. Earth zombie, wind woman, water turtle-guy, fire flasher.

While you’re being distracted up in what’s left of them empire, because you know, they also brought a whole horde of demons around and the people who are survivng out there are just barely surviving, you run into the twins again. Alisaie is super jealous she didn’t get to go to hell. And you encourage Zero to socialize with the locals a little, figuring maybe she’ll get along better with depressed former nazis than socially functioning people. And she kinda does. Bonds with that jerk from the one cutscene I linked last time a little over buuz. Spicy mongolian dumplings. Imported from the steppe here, and the absolute food worship from Endwalker continues. It comes in a paper takeout bag too.

We’ve got hair misaligned textures on hair that clips through people’s collars in cutscenes all the time still, but we are pushing these graphics to the absolute cutting edge to tear apart cheeseburgers and spicy dumplings. Like most depressed goth women I know, Zero is super into spicy food. Damn it I’m hungry now. Anyway people get spread around, Zero feels obligated to fight off a big horde of demons alone to pay back that free buuz. Partway through the boss does the fairly standard trick of dropping rocks from the sky that you need to face tank before they hit the ground, but there’s too many dropping at once to solo so down she goes (I have the same problem trying to solo a couple otherwise easy old bosses, it’s annoying). And then of course everyone else shows up to the rescue, heals her, and has a proper fight where she learns the meaning of friendship via standard boss mechanics. We get more of the spread out and catch the rocks, and some of the “everybody run to the person with the crosshairs on her to split the damage of an attack that’d otherwise kill her” thing, and yeah, thanks to the combined impact of that and spicy dumplings, she comes around to the concept of doing good things for people without a contract. Again I much prefer this sort of stock sappy love and friendship crap to the grey morality political crap from the start of the game.

That just leaves confronting Rubicante to ask about what Golbez’ deal even is, and fight him. And you know, then fight Golbez when these patches finish releasing. Turns out his plan is actually really straightforward. Every single demon has been alive and literally living in hell since the very first time Ascians tried to recombine things and messed it up, most are all screwed up from absorbing the souls of a bunch of wimps they beat to death, and let’s be frank here, a lot of them have real messed up bodies like just a floating head, or big wad of goop with a ton of eyeballs. Many of them would largely like to come over here where death at least theoretically sticks sometimes and properly get to he afterlife. It’s pretty hard to object to that, except you know, they’re also all big horrible monsters with the uncontrollable urge to eat people and it’d probably cause one of those cataclysmic elemental imbalances and also these guys are jerks literally delivering body parts of a hostage. And of course this is all in a big post-boss fight speech before Rubicante kills himself all honorable warrior style, so first we have this big fight with a fun gimmick tracing lines across moving puzzle pieces, and while the other three had pretty standard renditions of either the normal boss theme or the theme of Golbez and pals, when this fight starts we get the unmistakable strings and drums from an all-time classic remix.

No really. In one of the most impressive fan service moves of all time, they actually tracked down Hyadain for an official commission to use this remix. That’s just great even if they DID chicken out on the lyrics. Maybe later for one of those tell-this-bard-about-it remix fights with the whole set or something. As is here’s the version we actually have.

Anyway we leave off with a challenge to come face Golbez on the moon. The uh, moon in the Void to be clear. Which presumably has a nice Lunar Subterrane tribute going on. And past that, I don’t know. It certainly feels like we’re setting up dimension hopping for the next expansion, but if I stopped this far into the interlude after Heavensward I’d have thought we’d be going directly into Shadowbringers. This might resolve and then the last patch sets up some completely different thing. All I know is I’m not going to care about the whole Ascian prison raid, I don’t expect a real shocking twist to fighting the rest of the Twelve, and wow between Fray, Sadu, Gaia, Y’shtola’s class-change look, and Zero here, it is VERY clear the current head writer has a Type.

Short of double checking the last 10 levels of the few job quest lines I haven’t done for interesting bits, I have nothing left to sum up, at least until there’s another expansion to this. If you enjoyed all this though, again, money so I can survive would really be appreciated. I also have a wishlist of mostly games I’ll likely have thoughts on when I get to them. And if you somehow found this blog without seeing it, you might enjoy my also rather extensive multipart essay from a few years back about how Ranma, the character, is in fact trans, on top of the magic gender change stuff.

Past that, not sure what my next big project is going to be. Might get back to Twitch streaming, or just focus on this browser game I’ve been working on for a while. I have honestly enjoyed playing FF14 a hell of a lot more than most recent entries in the series and definitely more than any other MMO, so I could MAYBE be convinced to see what’s up with 11 if I can work out how to without costing me a ton of money and time I really don’t have? We’ll see.

Now that you’ve finished this depreciated version of this, here’s the formal, finished part 10, covering this but with more, you know, conclusions.

[crapmagak]

Thoughts on Fire Emblem Engage

(Spoiler Warning for story events)

I’m not gonna lie, even after having beat Fire Emblem Engage, it still feels unreal that a new Fire Emblem just came out. I remember the drought of Fire Emblem news really getting to me last year, three whole years since Three Houses. Obviously this was due to the pandemic slowing everything down. Hell, it’s incredibly obvious Engage was meant to be a thirtieth anniversary game.

As for the game itself, I’m a little mixed. The gameplay side of things was fantastic, feeling like a more polished version of Conquest, without some of the more gimmicky maps. I’m not the first to notice just how player phase focused this game is, and how much it rewards constant aggression and advancement. This is further complemented by the break mechanic allowing the player a bit more safety in being aggressive, along with incentivizing a diverse army roster. Likewise, game elements like chain attacks and breaking really punish the player for overextending and trying to juggernaut. Even with the time wheel mechanic, I constantly found myself in tense moments where the only way out was to play smart. From a gameplay perspective, this might be the best Fire Emblem they’ve ever made. My only real gripes were that I found some late game reinforcements a little excessive at times (especially in chapter 21), and fog of war maps have the audacity to still be an annoying thing in the series. I’ll even go so far as to say fog of war does not compliment the aggressive nature of Engage at all.

On the other hand, I found the story pretty weak. It’s not bad, just pretty bland. Mostly, it’s just a pastiche of Fire Emblem tropes and cliches, perfectly fitting for an anniversary game. Though a fair number of characters have their inner depth, they don’t quite have as much impact as members of past entries. That’s not to say they aren’t a fun cast, I just don’t think they’ll ever reach the popularity of the casts we’ve seen in the past decade. As a whole, though, they’re very… let's say quirky nature makes them all come across as the most cracked out Fire Emblem cast to date. In a way, it makes Alear shine all the more, because despite their deviantart oc ass design, they are the sane one of the group. The only thing I actually disliked was that for a story supposedly about dragons, there is almost no dragon shifting. Alear never turns into a dragon. Veyle never turns into a dragon. Zephia never turns into a dragon. Lumera turns into a dragon only in two cutscenes, and not even when you fight her corrupted form. I have been cheated out of a proper manakete protagonist yet again, and I shall not stand for it!

Of course, there are some strong moments. The Brodian and Elsuian royals boss convo’s with their corrupted parents were really good. Each country has a really strong aesthetic. A lot of the royals like Alfred and Fogado have some surprising inner depth. I was also a big fan of crazy corrupted Lumerra. Finally, chapters 10 and 11 were a tense and exciting point narrative wise.

All in all, it’s a really fun game, and if you’re actually into the strategy rpg part of Fire Emblem, you’ll have a blast. If you were a fan of Awakening and Fates’s cast, you’ll probably also enjoy this one quite a bit too. If you got into this series thanks to Three Houses and are primarily interested in the story aspect of this franchise… I’d recommend waiting for the Genealogy of the Holy War remake.

[ellowynthenotking]

Feb 25

Dear Dad,

So apparently, it’s Zunair’s birthday tomorrow. This means that this week is his birthday week. Which means that apparently, we have to suffer to his whims at least until his birthday.

If I’d known making a huge, giant, massive fuss over my birthday was an option, I probably would have chosen to do that. 

But since I didn’t, and apparently Grace didn’t want a celebration at all, that means that Zunair’s is the only birthday we’re properly celebrating.  

We have to stop in a city, and we won’t just be working, oh no, we’re going to celebrate to his standards. Whether we want to or not. 

Because, and I’m basically quoting him on this, “It’s his dancing queen birthday, and he wants to celebrate it right.”

And also to bathe.

Which is completely fair. We all smell like horses, and we have for so long that I’m actually losing the ability to smell horses. Which means we’ve smelled of it too strongly and for too long. 

It’s not even a bad smell, really, just kind of a lowly, overpowering one. It’s just permeating everything.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to go home, and I’ll have been home forever, and I’ll still catch whiffs of it on my hair or something.

It’s just everywhere, really. 

I don’t think one bath is going to completely get rid of the smell, but I’m also not going to turn down the chance to bathe. I think I’ve gotten way too comfortable with just being kind of smelly. 

Everything is kind of smelly. Everyone is kind of smelly. There’s just always a BO smell. Everywhere, always.

It’s part of my life now.

I would very much so like for it to not be a part of my life, but I think I’ll need a lot more baths for that, and so will the rest of my group. 

Based on the maps we’ve been using, there might be a bigger city nearby. Bigger cities tend to have Travelers' temples. So we might be able to stay in one again if they let us. The last couple of places have been too busy and full of people for us to stay. 

Our habit of just kind of showing up at the last minute really isn’t great when we need places to stay. We lose out on the free places and end up having to pay way too much. 

That’s just life, I think, but it’s very inconvenient. 

We’re hoping to find a quick way to make some money for fun stuff. I haven’t really noticed a lot of fun things to do outside of going to bars, and even then, I don’t really find that much fun. 

But Zunair has made his announcement, demands really, so we’ll probably go to a bar.

Maybe it won’t be terrible?

I’ll be honest. I don’t really have a lot of hope for it. But really, we haven’t had a lot of fun just to have fun since we’ve been here. Sure, the festivals tend to be fun. But I think a big part of that is there’s someone else providing food and music. This time we’ve got to figure it out ourselves. 

Also, it doesn’t help that we just really don’t have a lot of money in general anyway, so if we’re not working, I don’t know how we’re going to get more money.

We’re spending some here and now just staying in this inn. Getting the horses boarded for the night cost money, too. We spent earlier getting dinner for all of us. 

It’s not cheap. Just trying to stay alive! And trying to take care of our animals.

We’re just bleeding funds, and I don’t know how we’re supposed to come up with money for “fun” things for Zunair.

Oh no. 

He better not be planning to steal stuff. That’s a “fast,” “easy” way to make money. But we’re not be able to afford to get him out of whatever there is for jail around here if he does that. We’re also not going to know that he’s in jail because, and color me crazy for thinking this, we won’t have any way of knowing! We don’t have a permanent residence here. He won’t be able to make one call because we don’t have phones, and I don’t think phones exist here! 

He’ll be stuck in jail at least until we can figure out how to get to the jail in the first place. If he’s even there at all.

Hopefully, HOPEFULLY! I’m just getting ahead of myself, but I’m not sure, and I don’t want to find out if the city we’re going to actually has a prison system. Good if they do, but I don’t want to learn firsthand.

I’ll ask what the plan is tomorrow. Hopefully, it’s something with low risk. 

I’ll write when I can. Or when I figure out what the plan is. 

I’m sure it’ll be fine.

Probably.

Anyway, love you!

Jack

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Read the rest of the series here: 

Or read more by this author here: 

[owlixx]

Looking forward as to what excites me for each CoD game:

CoD3: Treyarch’s first real game! And the final missing link before CoD4, which feels like the real first “modern” Call of Duty in more ways than one. Fingers crossed for sprinting to be in this game, and maybe the knife melee. I know that last one isn’t intrinsic to the CoD formula anymore but it’s been sorely missed in these early CoDs with their wimpy gun butt melees. Will anyone still be playing the multiplayer on 360? Does the MP just have “pick a weapon” like 2 or does it have a prototype version of class creation? Or just classes at all?

RoV: I mean, the idea of PSP CoD is just funny to me. Could be unplayable. Will try to beat this before 4 though.

CoD 4: I’m super excited to have the remaster and to finally get to see the proper introduction of Soap and Price, who have been omnipresent despite me never playing this game. Of course excited to see the nuke and All Ghillied Up and finally have a context for MW2 like when I relatively recently finally beat Halo 2.

The DS games: recently played the first of these in local multiplayer but using a faulty L button so I can’t wait to see how I do instead on my DSi XL with working buttons. I’ll have to play one of the later ones on Wii U or PC just to mix it up.

WaW: it’s been so long since I’ve played this game and even longer since I’ve done the campaign. It’ll be a good warmup for checking out the classic zombies maps too. I’ll have to play at least a match of multiplayer too. This was my first CoD so it has a special place for me. I may want to speedrun it on recruit on ps3 so I can comfortably do the coop later.

WaW FF: uhhh I mean it’s funny that this exists

MW2: Again, this one was so huge to me as a kid. I’d love to finally hit max level and max out a gun or two. Can’t wait to see the original boost, the big snowy cliff level, kill shepherd, no Russian, underwater infiltration mission, burger town, all of it. I loved WaW to death and I was a zombies fanboy then and maybe even now, but the modern weapons and setting were so much more appealing to me as a kid and MW2 just felt like the epitome of “cool” even more than WaW and even Black Ops 1 with their historical settings to the point where I remember being mad at the MP40 in BO1 zombies and the M14/Olympia in TranZit and such.

BO1: I barely can remember any of the campaign besides Reznov being in it and an awesome prison break. Other than that…very little comes to mind. I remember loving this campaign so I’m really in for a treat there. And this is one I’ll absolutely have to dig back into the multiplayer for to dig up old memories. I’ve even still got the first dlc from back in the day! And I owe it to myself to play Five and Ascension at least a time each. Oh, and my cousin had COTD.

MW3: now this one I played much much later in my mind, but looking it up, I actually beat it just a year later on 2012, so that’s funny. I beat it just a month before Black Ops 2 came out in fact, and I know I played that game day one. I had totally forgotten that part of the story. That means it’s been over ten years since I’ve touched this campaign. In retrospect, all I remember remotely is the juggernaut ending and the New York opening. I didn’t even recall who makarov was while playing the new MW3. Oh, I do remember the Paris gas mission of course. So this is going to be super fresh for me actually. I think I always wanted to like Survival mode since it’s a little like zombies and I always liked the idea of it being an option on every map. What’s funny is that I think I can only recall ever doing it on the one map. I need to try it on terminal if that’s an option. Maybe I can try it splitscreen on PS3 if that’s an option. I’ll also have to pop my head into the multiplayer here even if I don’t have as much nostalgia for this game.

BO2: oh man, this game was everything to me when it came out. I have a ton of nostalgia for the multiplayer most of all, i think. TranZit was a huge letdown to me at the time. I have a hard time remembering much of the multiplayer though since the maps from it have been recycled so much and now my memories of hijacked, raid, express, etc. are all jumbled. I remember liking the low recoil assault rifle with the threat identification scope and generally like the pick 10 system a lot. Im super curious to see my old class load outs and combat record. I probably won’t play much TranZit but I’ll have to at least do a round on Town and Bus Stop. Maybe get the game going on PS3 just for the DLC zombie maps once each. And of course the campaign - I remember making choices, the split timeline, a sniper mission, dragon round shotgun, and the weird RTS missions. I wanna say you also got to customize your gear a bit but I might be misremembering. I think this game hit a real sweet spot with the technology level that even AW/BO3 go too far past long before even IW/BO4 and I really want to play this game and envision my ideal next near-future CoD title. Plus I remember the weird avenged sevenfold credits and I have grown to like them a lot since then. Plus this story will be more fun with the events of BO1 fresh in my mind, and possibly help tie in to BOCW, not sure yet.

Ghosts: I had this game as a kid exclusively to help train my dad for the incoming release of Destiny 1, which is what we owned a PS4 for in the first place. We played exclusively splitscreen with bots. I’m sure I played a bit online or started the campaign but I have zero recollection of those. I only even remember the unique perk point system because someone on Reddit brought it up recently. I do remember the soldier customization but not how it works exactly so I’m excited to see that. I remember this game feels very slick and polished actually so I’m super excited to give it a second shot. I also wanna say that you can level up by playing bots? This has massively been on my peripheral vision from long before this current CoD phase so I’m pretty excited to check this out. Oh, I do vaguely remember Extinction so it will be fun to briefly pop my head into that, possibly drag a coop partner in too. And having the first map pack will be a nice novelty. We had this physical and sold it so I never played this past the launch of Destiny 1 which was a long time ago now. UPDATE: yep, I checked and I have 7/100/19 hours in SP/MP/Zombies confirming that of course I remember the multiplayer way more.

AW: now this one I think I just outright owned on PS4 digitally but I just never chose to revisit it. This one was just for me, I think, but I still only got a level or two into the campaign and didn’t get super far in multiplayer. I remember struggling with the exo suit controls. I think I did a bit of offline bots with my dad here but it’s all blurry now… The added context of comparing this to WWII/Vanguard/new MW3 will be fun. It’s going to be rough seeing Kevin Spacey so much. And I’m excited to try Exo Survival and Exo Zombies a little bit. I think this was also the first game to experiment with loot crates in CoD which I want to say ended with BO4? But tracking that from game to game is a point of interest for me since I hated that so much and to really defined the “dark age of CoD” to me especially when combined with a 50 dollar season pass that has all the zombie goodness in it. I mostly just remember using the 3D printing ammo gun (will likely continue) and having some kind of weird novelty gimmick LMG. Curious to see if this game has laser beams, im pretty sure IW does. Also curious to compare the customization in this game and Ghosts before things get Operator-based in BO3/4/CW and MW1/2/3 but I can’t remember what IW/WWII are like in that regard.

BO3: actually about 1/3 through this already since it’s the main coop friendly one, so not looking forward to a ton here besides Maybe playing some more multiplayer outside of splitscreen, seeing more maps than just nuke town. I always contemplate buying the deluxe zombies edition and I likely will one day but that’s for another phase. And I’m torn between whether to get that on console for the easier splitscreen or PC for the mods. This campaign kind of sucks so far to be honest, but it’s a nice excuse to do a bunch of coop shooting galleries. I almost wish this game had opted to have a spec ops mode instead of coop campaign or otherwise simplified the coop experience. It’s impressive to have skill trees, ability wheels, and custom load outs in a splitscreen game but I’d honestly have preferred to just be given a standard loadout and no abilities when playing splitscreen, and less rambling cutscenes too. I am continuously impressed by how much content is crammed into this one game, but I scream at the screen every time I heard about the 54 immortals. In conclusion, train go boom. UPDATE: forgot to mention that I owned this on PS4 but no longer have a PS4 so that’s where I did just a little bit of everything, but then I only have the multiplayer on PC. Also briefly owned all the DLC but lost access to it, don’t ask how. So I weirdly have these brief fond memories of zombie chronicles and the dlc zombie maps. But I do hate gobblegum with a passion.

IW: I definitely played this game, yep. I think I owned and sold it on PS4? But I definitely currently own it on steam where it says I have 16 hours currently. Most of my memories of this game are the stellar Zombies in Spaceland so maybe I could get the season pass or *cough cough* find a way to play it once or twice without getting the whole thing especially since it has Elvira and Kevin Smith. I loosely remember the faction system from the multiplayer but not a ton else. I’m very excited to play a campaign that stands out from the rest though. I’m rooting for this one to end up being a hidden gem.

WWII: similar, I want this to be a hidden gem. I do remember playing this on PS4 I think, mostly bots with my dad, a bit of multiplayer by myself, and a little bit of zombies. I’m excited to see the zombies again once or twice but mostly because I never even booted up the campaign. I mostly remember the war mode from multiplayer, the HQ, the “random” class that respawns you with a new gun each life. Excited to compare this to vanguard. I think this might be the final loot crate CoD, because I know Black Ops 4 has a battle pass AND a season pass which I found egregious but I can’t recall if it also had loot crates or not.

Black Ops 4: I’m hoping for the single player missions to end up being more fun than people online give them credit for. This game is really the end of an era for CoD, even if that era is what I consider to be its dark age. I own this on battlenet, so I’ll have to check my playtime later, but I somehow also own this on Xbox so I may just play there for the purpose of splitscreen. I did enjoy the multiplayer at the time but I especially loved having 3 zombies experiences with no extra purchase required and with bots and leveling up no less. I mostly played the Ancient Rome one because it was so much faster to spin up but I really appreciated all the zombie quality of life changes here. I know literally nothing about the rest of the dlc zombie maps so that could be fun to try sometime when I have even more cash to throw around on stupid nonsense. I never did the single player much, I literally can’t remember how it worked. I know it doesn’t have story mode but just training missions but in my head that still sounds fun to me. I also want to try our “operator mods” even if just against bots. Maybe a round of “heist” as well. I remember playing the beta for this one on PC, but also being stuck playing this game on super low graphics and being jealous of how good it looked on my dad’s pc. I also remember the beta for BO3, BOCW, Vanguard, MW2, and MW3 but can’t recall if I did any others.

Skipping MW2019, it’s the only one I don’t have access to at the moment. I’ll be nostalgic for it in a few years but it’s too recent for now. Did the campaign and lots of multiplayer on the old ps4. But this game really marked a new era for my relationship with CoD. The new camo system and gunsmith system really lit me on fire and reinvigorated my love for the series. It is similar to how I loved Smash Bros Melee and Brawl and 3DS but didn’t truly get halfway decent until Ultimate. I truly loved this series as a kid but as a teen from Ghosts-BO4 it was just something I was half interested in. MW is what pulled me back in and made me a fanboy again. Since 2019, I’ve gotten even better at camo grinding and in general but this game is the reason I pre ordered MW2/3 and even Vanguard sadly. This game was so good it made me suspicious of BOCW just because it was different. And what’s funny is that I’m sure for a lot of people who feel that way, it’s because of Warzone, but I played practically zero of it unless I had to for a challenge to unlock something. I just loved the look and feel and vibe of this game and the quality of life stuff a lot. This game invented camo grinding as we know it now and that meant everything to me despite just being a checklist. I love me a checklist. But I don’t get nostalgic for the campaign despite relatively enjoying it. And I barely touched spec ops.

BOCW: own this baby on Xbox AND PC. I reckon I’ll do the campaign on Xbox since it’s more cinematic on the bigger screen. Especially after skipping MW19, this is where we get into games that are still extremely fresh in my memory. Especially since I went back to this game after Vanguard and double especially since I played this one a fair amount recently with my girlfriend so we didn’t have to do split screen on MW2. The multiplayer of this game is seared into my brain which is funny because I bought this game on PC for the zombies after a free weekend and slight discount convinced me. I ended up really liking this game but I’d wager I played at least 10 times as much multilayer as zombies. But more importantly here - I never even booted up the campaign. I’m super excited to get a follow up to the original black ops once I have that game’s story much more fresh in my mind. I’ll also have to pop my head in and play the round based zombie maps once each since I was really into those for a time before zombies outbreak became the main thing for me since it was so much easier to play with more casual players like the people I know IRL. I would like to play more of the multiplayer map zombie survival mode too though. I’m very much done with the multiplayer though.

Vanguard: I pre ordered this game and very quickly got disillusioned with it after getting just 1 or 2 guns gold. I’m actually pretty excited to revisit it though. I quit the campaign asap after it was super goofy and lighthearted but now that seems like a fun change of pace and I’m really looking forward to seeing the final evolution of all these classic WW2 guns that I’m still in the middle of using. It’ll be a super fun reunion to see the M1 garand, MP40, PPSH back again after missing them for several several games. and I never played the post-launch zombies like shi no numa so that’s actually super exiting for me to check out as an OG zombies fan. I’m not eager to revisit the multiplayer though beyond a cursory re-inspection. The weird attachment-locked camo challenges killed the camo grind for me. And I remember this game being weirdly similar to MW19 in a lot of ways. I’ll have to at least check out the Waw maps one more time maybe.

And…that’s it! I beat the new MW2/3 campaigns when they came out so there’s no need to revisit those. Vanguard is the “cherry on top” so to speak (haha). I reckon step one here is to just see if I even have the time/willpower/energy/attention span to get through the campaign of each game, especially considering I won’t be able to stop myself from dipping my toes into the multiplayer and coop modes a bit as I go along. Then I’d make another step to maybe set a little goal for each of the multiplayers that I want to revisit, like hitting max level or maxing out all the guns. After that or instead of that would be getting ahold of all the map packs whether by slowly overpaying for them over time or nefarious means.

[clunelover]

Ahhh haha - idk if I’ve posted much about this project I’ve been the manager for at work…it was sort of an informal arrangement (ie no actual authority) where I was directing the work of two of my peers, in the same way our internal stakeholders would usually be doing, only for this project my old boss was like “for this data, you are the end user, so act like a stakeholder and just say what you need, and let them figure out how to do it.”

This was in the hands of one rockstar team member at my level (although, my view of him as a rockstar has shifted somewhat from working so closely with him on this, he’s good at taking something and running with it, but bad at communicating, and I’ve since had another team member tell me she thinks I write better queries than him cause he does all these nested sub queries and it’s hard to read), and one new-ish coworker who seems to be kind of a dud.

It was supposed to be dud coworker’s first big project with less concrete directions and the need to figure things out on her own, with rockstar-ish guy helping her.

It was also the first time I’ve acted in this kind of advisory role. This unfortunately all fell apart very quickly, as dud coworker could NOT take “I need output that looks like blah” and translate it into what she needed to do. I started then with a little more guidance - “okay so the way I’d tackle this is, here is a list of data elements I need. We want to match the data we already have as much as possible, but this data is from a different system so they don’t use the same names, and some things they just might not have an analogous column. So, I’ve got you started- we have something called policy state, but they call it state of premium. So you need to do that kind of mapping, using their data dictionary to deduce analogous columns.”

She said she got it, and then disappeared for weeks without saying anything more. When she resurfaced after I asked for an update, she had done basically nothing. I tried to explain again, did a little bit more hand holding on how to work with the data dictionary (admittedly intimidating, probably the biggest excel file I’ve ever worked with, a million tabs and then each of them had additional appendices in still more tabs).

In the end, she turned “I only need these ten columns but you have to try to make them match the data we already have as closely as possible” into “I am bringing in every column in this raw data, and turning every column that’s a code into its string value from the data dictionary, which is taking me thousands of lines of code, and forgoing any effort to match things up to the data we already have.” I was SO ANNOYED but also after going round and round so much, it became evident that that was about as much as she could do - not enough critical thinking skills to do what I’d originally asked.

So I decided that, since I ultimately need to feed this into a key financial summary dataset, that I’d just grab the columns I needed from what she created, and do the mapping and aliasing myself. But I mentioned that to dud coworker’s boss (she’s in the other half of my team with a different boss) who was like “wow I didn’t know how badly she’d done at this/how much extra work she made of it. It’s contrary to what she told me she was doing. And I know [my old boss/her former counterpart] was annoyed at how it turned out and tried to explain it to me, but I didn’t fully grasp what she’d done til now. Should she be made to fix it in her data rather than you doing it downstream?” And I said for best practices probably yeah, but very dubious value to that given how long everything takes her. So she said she’d think about it and let me know.

She just got back to me and said yes, she’s going to make dud coworker fix it. I then got quite explicit with how much hand holding I’d been doing with her (like, spontaneous phone calls at each step of the way over things she was confused about that at this point shouldn’t be confusing). I asked if she wanted me to continue this level of help or try to be more hands off. And she said “I really, truly appreciate this feedback. And I am doing ‘stuff’ with it. I would like to see what [dud coworker] can do on her own.”

So…eee! Maybe she’s finally going on a PIP! I mean I feel bad because being fired is bad, but also it’s just so clearly not a good fit job for her. She’s also rubbed me the wrong way with all her communication (I’ll reiterate - unannounced spontaneous teams calls!!) and she’s always emphatic that she understands something when she often doesn’t understand. Any time I ask her to try to get more info from someone/follow up, etc, the messages she sends to these people are always kind of overwrought/weirdly commanding, and make me cringe and wish I’d just written them myself?

Oh and this is BEC but I’ve also side eyed her because when it became clear we’d all be working from home for the foreseeable future, she decided to move based on finding a school system with

- strong academic programming/high level of academic success for students

- great basketball teams

For her son…who is like seven years old. And so moved from Wisconsin to some suburb of Atlanta, just on that basis. Anyway yeah I just think her overall judgment is odd and this seems to be a work thing and possibly extends beyond work.

Wow that was a crazy long post with way too high a level of detail on work stuff! But once I got halfway in I had to keep writing it!

[loiswolf]

Day 60 July 31 Uxbridge - Etobicoke (Toronto)94kms

Last day cycling! I thought it was going to be easy, but of course, it wasn’t!

I had a lovely day yesterday with Janet and Jim. It was great to see them again and Janet is a wonderful cook. She made some delicious home cooked meals which I thoroughly enjoyed.

After taking a selfie this morning

I cycled off straight for the cafe Janet took me to last year. It was on the way although only 14kms from their house. Here are some cornfields and farms I passed on the way.

I didn’t have a second breakfast since I’d had porridge already with my fruit, but the cakes at this place are the best I’ve seen in Canada.

I also bought a cinnamon scroll to go. It might be my last one. 😔

Jim had suggested I just head west on the road the cafe was on. That seemed like a good idea but Janet had mentioned there were lots of trucks.

Janet was right! I tolerated it for a while but they were really non stop.

The plan today was to head west until I was almost above my destination, then take a quiet road south.

Silly me! The only quiet road was the one I first turned south on.

Every time I cycled south it was mostly downhill and I had a tailwind. It sounds great and it would have been if I hadn’t had to worry about being hit be a car or truck and having to stop at lights every few hundred meters ….for what seemed like five minutes each time.

There are no quiet roads into Toronto. I had to choose roads that went somewhere, that didn’t stop at a railway or near the motorway or a huge gully. The closer I got the more the map showed that there was a limited choice. I was also conscientiously staying off the major highways. I really wouldn’t have wanted to cycle one of them anyway. Scary!

At about halfway I felt like a bagel then I saw a place called ‘what a bagel’.

Perfect! I stopped for a cold drink and a bagel with cream cheese thinking that I had really nailed it today, confident that I’d be early to my Warmshowers stay.

As you may have already guessed, this didn’t happen.

The roads were all very busy, two lanes each way and big intersections every few hundred meters. I kept thinking that I would turn onto a less busy road but they were progressively worse. Here was the place I actually entered Toronto

It was near Canada Wonderland.

The most horrible road was called Finch road heading west which had the most awful roadworks going on. I tried the footpath and ended up pushing and pulling Shirley over piles of gravel then had to squeeze her past a fence erected to stop people going that way.

Then the actual road was just a crawl over dirt and muck for several kilometres. I never got to the road I had planned to come south on. There was just too much roadwork in the way.

I finally arrived at my destination in an outer suburb called Etobicoke at 3:30. I’m staying on the 20th floor of an apartment block with Rushd, who I stayed with last year, and his nephew Rushd ( yes, the same name).

This is very late because we had to go shopping at Costco and a Lebanese fruit place after Rushd got home from work at 6pm.

I’ll write some stats later.

[alisheaburgess]

The Death of 'Me': A Travel Memoir Part 3 of "yes"

April 5, 2022 (second day of definitely not dying) (Full Journey Map)

I'm not gonna lie. I spent most of this day in the hotel room recovering. Which may seem dramatic but it wasn't. The day before was super draining and after ignoring food all day, you have to woo her back... I love her dearly so that is what I did!

I was looking up the restaurants around me and seeing about delivery and pickups and things. It is a vacation, after all, so I spent the day chillin’. The thing about Vegas though, is there is so much around these big hotels it's CRAZY! I had to be cautious to stay away from gluten... but if I didn't have to, oh my... The trip woulda been WAY different! Again, I'm a dedicated lover.

JUST LOOK AT THOSE POTATOES!!! YUMMY

I had a coffee shop right outside the elevator! It was a beautiful thing. There was so many places to eat inside and around the building that I didn't leave the hotel for either of these things. They were both between me and the front desk. Crazy...

You might be thinking... "Alishea, why are you drinking that much coffee when you need water?" And to you I say...shhh! It was yummy! And caffeine headaches are the worst! I was also drinking hydration stuff with a lot of water.

But here is one of my favorite parts about Vegas...everything is themed!!! The Link, the hotel where I was staying, was more colorful and chill. Maybe chill isn't the word but a couple of the other places felt super fancy-themed. They were pretty and on a different trip I would love to go, but this one was perfect for my trip this time!

When you are trying to get a hotel here, I highly suggest that if you can, pick the place that calls to you. You are probably gonna go into the other ones anyway... It sounds weird where I'm from, but there they have everywhere set up like a mall and casino.

Like look at this!!!! This was downstairs in my HOTEL!!!!

I wanted one of each of the brightly colored mugs but alas, I picked the tall green one. These colors are so nice!

Some sassy sunglasses ones... also made it into the list of possibilities. And I have never wanted a tattoo so bad in my life 😂🤣 I didn’t get one, but I had already been thinking about it. The idea of flying for that long with a tattoo, in the place I wanted it (👀), woulda been awkward and uncomfy. So I did not. The temptation was strong though! It was a whole tattoo shop downstairs in my hotel…

The whole city was busy with people at all times (obv). It did take a bit of getting used to for me. Regular busy times were even crazier, but there were always people.

As this was my first time with a hotel room all to me… or any space to myself for that matter… I was really enjoying the day just chilling in the room and knowing that I didn’t have to do much. Nobody was going to be upset if we didn't watch tv. Nobody was afraid we were gonna be late. It was a peace I had never gotten to experience in my 27 years of living. The entire trip was fantastic but the few days I spent alone and chillin' in my room were the most eye-opening of all.

But I haven’t even mentioned why I’m in Vegas yet! (I wanted to focus on how dramatic I was in the first bit 😅😂 I didn't want the knowledge of why I was going to distract from it)…

I got tickets to see BTS!!!! I didn’t think I was gonna get to go and by all rights, it probably shouldn’t have happened. 😅 But it did!!! I got tickets to the first show, on the 8th! I almost got a ticket to see the second day but decided not to...

I’d actually never fully considered going on a trip on my own before this. It was always "maybe I could travel" or "one day I wanna", but nothing to get too excited about. I did love the idea of traveling so much though that I had seen many a travel video by this point. I have actually started a fantasy world that I was inspired to create while watching a travel video with absolutely no goal in mind 😂

A reason, I needed a reason. And BTS and ARMY were my reason! The time factor helped as well. It wasn’t like taking a trip to Vegas on its own. I would procrastinate forever if that were the case... The unfortunate truth of being convinced that you and the things you want are not reason enough. You are reason enough!

This is the craziest part for me though. When I was booking my stay, around a month before, I didn't want to stay long in Vegas. I didn't know much about it other than it was busy. I wasn't into casinos and as you can probably tell...I don't get out much at all anyway. I'm 'nocturnal' but that doesn't mean I like nightlife 😅😂 So I didn't think I needed to stay much longer than was necessary for the concert.

However! It was just as much money if not more, to stay only three days for the concert as it was to stay the week... Due to the weekend.😐

But I really didn't want to. I thought I should stay home and work those days so I could save and travel to a destination I was into. The Universe had other plans though! Every time I tried to book something for under 7 days it wouldn't go through. Sometimes for absolutely no reason! I was getting so frustrated because I didn't understand why I got to get the tickets and suddenly booking the hotel and flights had issues nonstop. The Universe had a plan and I was really struggling to accept it. The Universe and I have communication style that I am still learning but I am also very stubborn... Not only did I think I wouldn't like Vegas much, I felt like I shouldn't be able to stay in a fancy hotel, in a fancy city for a whole week when a few days would do. (STOP THAT!!! This is your vaca, you do what you want!!!)

I almost stayed for 11 days because it was again, about the same price. I didn't end up doing that because the airline I would be taking was a bit sketchy... The 'app' for it wouldn't load and the website was ridiculously slow. Not something I wanted to deal with when flying at all much less for the first time solo. No added stress, please! 🥰

The ridiculous overthinking I did when booking this was so intense 😅😂 Like girl, you don't want to stay seven days, where did eleven come from??? But actually, it came from thinking I needed to find a cheaper flight and hotel room no matter what! Because a nice hotel room was "too much." I knew the Universe had something it wanted me to do, but I felt like I was just using that as an excuse to stay longer. I didn't need an excuse so...

But it all worked out in the end. I did get the flight booked. As soon as I went to a week and picked the hotel I felt right with it went through the first time and super easy. (It was all the same sight too!)

I'm super glad I did stay a week! The Universe does actually know what's going on, I just didn't understand the why and how of everything. It was by far the best week of my life and taught me so much about myself. When it's pulling you to do something you may think is too much, maybe just listen and see what happens...

So apart from running around in the lobby and planning food, I was also checking out all the really cool things for ARMY to do in the city. They had lots of extra stuff that we could do for the days around the concerts. 🥰 It was really cool.

I was really wanting to run into ARMY on the 5th and 6th but I didn't really see anyone. Which makes sense because the first concert was on the 8th, but I was hopeful 😊

I created a little list of things that I kinda wanted to do before I left. One was riding the Ferris wheel outside my hotel. It looked so cool! I also wanted to try the never-ending supply of slot machines just because... I mean, I was in Vegas!!! I got $10 for something that I don't remember and used that. It wasn't that fun for me, but hey.

It was later in the night when it hit me that I was actually in a faraway city, doing far away city things (sorta 😋). Then a few minutes later I remember that I was actually getting to go to the concert. It was oddly enough a really fun way to end the day. Horrible for sleep but it happened eventually.

And that was the gist of how I spent my first day in Las Vegas 😅😂Nothing fancy but one of my favorite days!

This was the main soundtrack of the trip. Jungkook shared it in one of the previous months and it felt perfect for Vegas!

[steamkittens]

Shoot Breakdown - Xanetia Sunset Shoot 2

My third shoot of the year and second with Xanetia. I returned to Brighton Beach which I'd used at the end of March 2022 on a shoot with Maddy but I had messed up the sunset time and got there just as the sun was hitting the water so it was all a bit rushed.

I really like the location though and wanted to return. As I mentioned in the previous breakdown most Adelaide jetties are very similar, it's just the seating designs that vary, Brighton has the best seating with benches which allow for the best seated posing options. Brighton jetty has a unique design with the rotunda at the halfway point and the tower at the end. Additionally, the landscaping along the pathway with rocks and boulders I can actually access makes it a far more versatile location for me.

I let Xanetia pick her own wardrobe, I just said something Summery and after my previous jetty shoot where the temperature plummeted soon as the sun set I suggested bringing something warmer we could use in shots if needed and a white thinner shirt we could use earlier in the shoot. I am a big fan of shirts as you can shoot with them on, with them off, and make some interesting shapes with them.

I often used Google Maps to scope locations and was keen to check out the ramp I spotted to the right of the jetty. I got there earlier to look around and indeed the ramp was excellent I just wished it was to the left of the jetty as that would put the setting sun behind the jetty, which would have been perfect. Sunset was at 8pm and the plan was to shoot from 6.45-8.45.

While looking around I identified 4 usable spots, which are indicated in the image below.

LOCATION A - 6.45pm - For this location, I had my wheelchair next to a bench seat with Xanetia on a rock just in front of me. The first few shots are always to calibrate to the available light. Once again, we had zero cloud cover, so the sun was a bit harsh and we'd need to wait a few minutes for the sun to drop lower and lose some intensity but we set up and started shooting anyway. The sun did provide a beautiful rim light perfect for a single light shoot. Once again we were shooting with a Godox AD300 with a gridded Godox 85CM AD-S85S Deep Parabolic Softbox.

7.00pm - We changed to some standing shots just as the light started to come to us more an hour before Sunset, It is called the Golden hour for a reason.

I haven't had a Sony for very long so I don't have the wide range of lenses as I do for my Canon so for Xmas I bought myself a Sony FE 24-105mm f/4 G OSS and this was my first time trying it on a shoot. I was worried that the f4 might not give enough depth of field but it wasn't an issue especially at the full 105mm. We didn't have the wind as we had on our first shoot but every now and then we'd get a bit of movement through the hair.

This wide-angle shot includes Leighlan with the AD300 and shows our 1-light setup.

Anyone who I've shot at a con knows I am a fan of an over-the-shoulder. I asked Xanetia to put the hair over the shoulder so we could see the shoulder blades and the lace at the back of the top and as she did the wind picked up and blew the hair in her face and I got the beautiful shot with her smiling. It's these natural smiles I'd love to capture more.

Next up we gave the legs a workout and changed to some squatting poses. These work well because you can get some nice angles and shapes with the legs.

While we started with one knee on the ground we changed to this stance instead which I like way more as it adds tension through the body creating a much better more dynamic pose.

LOCATION B - 7.20pm - I then basically pivoted from where I was and had Xanetia stand against the railing of the stairs that were behind me.

LOCATION C - 7.38pm - Our third location was probably my favourite. A concrete ramp that got me almost down to ground level with rocks lining it. Most beach ramps are covered in sand and impossible to traverse in a wheelchair.  

Here is a shot showing just the ambient light we got without the flash. You can see the rim light the sun provided on our model. As mentioned in previous breakdowns Shutter Speed controls the background exposure and flash power controls the light on your model.

I did try some stretch shots but couldn't really get the shapes I wanted with the shirt but I do like the symmetry and balance in this shot with the tower in the background.

We had started sitting on top of the rock but moved to a lower position to have the rocks around Xanetia at a more relative height. I also like that we got the sail of the boat on the right side of this image I cropped to be more panoramic to extenuate the length of the jetty and horizon.

Another wide angle to show our surroundings and Leighlans position with the light. I was on the opposite side of the path so we were very aware to let beachgoers through. Something I'm very mindful of when shooting in shared spaces.

We then basically rotated Xanetia onto the rock opposite her and I got her to wrap the shirt around her and I really like these shots with the more hunched pose and the left shoulder out.

8.00pm - It wouldn't be a sunset shoot without a silhouette hair flip. I'll do another post of a video I made of all the hair flip frames but here is a couple. I wish I'd actually shot a video of it as well.

8.10pm - Just as the sun hit the water I got Xanetia to jump over the rocks and stand on the sand for this series of shots.

LOCATION D - 8.20pm - Finally we moved onto the middle part of the jetty to utilise the bench seats. At this point, you are constantly changing settings to deal with the rapidly dropping ambient light, which basically means lowering the Shutter Speed to make the background brighter and compensating by dropping the flash power to keep both in balance. We did get a nice breeze playing with the shirt and surprisingly the air temperature stayed quite warm.

With the sun falling below the horizon it kicked up an amazing orange sky that would have been just incredible if we had some clouds but we did get some beautiful silhouettes of people on the jetty.

8.37pm - Here is a shot just showing the ambient light I was getting at this point.

8.50pm - we wrap up shooting as the light is fading.

Overview

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Location: Brighton Jetty, South Australia

Date: Sunday 19th February 2023

Model: Xanetia

Assistant: Leighlan Doe

Shoot Time: 2 hours

Total Frames: 430