#Afi Concert Merch

[afimerch]

Afi Merch

AFI is an American rock band from Ukiah, California, formed in 1991. Since 1998, it consists of lead vocalist Davey Havok, drummer and backing vocalist Adam Carson, bassist, backing vocalist and keyboardist Hunter Burgan, and guitarist, backing vocalist and keyboardist Jade Puget. For fans of AFI, also known as A Fire Inside, band merchandise is more than just memorabilia; it's a way to express their passion and support for the band. Whether you're an old-school fan or new to their music, AFI band merch offers a variety of items that cater to every enthusiast's taste. Buy Afi Merch Here! #afimerch #afimerchandise

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[echthr0s]

it occurs to me that all my best stories are music-related

the only (and also coolest) job I've had as an adult was as a merch seller for local bands and the only reason I ended up in that position is because I was just Always Around at local shows to the point where I happened to be Around when a band's original merch seller was slackin off and I Saw An Opportunity

accidentally flashed Sevendust because of a wardrobe malfunction from goin too hard in the front row

saw the inside of Type O Negative's tour bus

that Type O show was literally four months before Pete died btw. whew, slid into home at the last possible second didn't I

couldn't afford Steve Vai's book signing at Borders (RIP) so I lurked outside Penn Station until it was over and then ambushed him while he was in the taxi line lkdajflkfjal 💀

that is not recommended behaviour LOL but god dammit he was my fave and I was Determined

(he was very gracious about it. but the only paper I had on me was a copy of Watchmen so for a while I had a copy of Watchmen whose title page was signed by a completely unrelated individual)

saw Synyster Gates almost get run over by a taxi

got into the secret concert after the world premiere of AFI's Miss Murder on TRL and I think seeing Death of Seasons performed live rearranged my atoms

all of this is literally just the tip of the story iceberg

[mmunsterboy]

I decided less then a week before my trip to MI to see AFI with Spooky. That I wanted to make my own verision of one of Davey's tour vests.

It's not the best photo, but I think I pretty good since the concert is on Monday, and I've had nothing but Instagram concert photos and a shitty zoomed in merch photo.

I just hope the back of it glows at the venue.

[abowlofpetuniasandawhale]

i broke and bought mcr tickets and i’m so happy!!! so i’m just not going to look at my credit card ever again and we’re not going to talk about it

[dogda]

i love that post about the guy who looks like he listens to fall out boy because it reminds me of when my bf told me that if i hadn’t started dating him i would by now be at an AFI concert wearing nightmare before christmas merch and he was so fucking right

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

My So Called Rise Against Life

All lyrics written and owned by Rise Against

No band, not even AFI, sings the soundtrack of the last 20 years of my life like Rise Against has. I was dragged to my first Rise Against show by Emily. Emily, the suicide girl, quite possibly the hottest girl in Corpus Christi, barely 5'1 and 98 pounds soaking wet, covered in tattoos and with Angelina Jolie's lips. To this day I cannot imagine why a girl who looked like that wanted to hang with me. I had never been to a gig at that little club called The Underground where the disenfranchised youth of Corpus Christi congregated. This was the very cusp of my punk rock midlife crisis and I went in scared to death because I'd heard concerts of this nature were violent.

At this point I was already considering the decision to become straightedge. I was curious but knew little about it. The sum of my knowledge was this: two of the guys in AFI were, and the guy at the mall was. The memory of this guy never leaves me. Like a stray dog with a tennis ball, catching a welcoming scent on the air, then chasing after a passing stranger who never looked down, I chased after him and each year I spent in that fruitless pursuit felt like seven. His friendship I would never win, but he would remain on the outskirts of my life, like the brass ring I reached for again and again only to fall on my face. I would see him that night too, but I didn't know this when Em invited me out. It was billed as a hardcore show. I had no idea what hardcore was back then, I just assumed it meant a rough crowd of millitant straightedge vegans that would have a sixth sense that I wasn't one of them and chase me out the doors. Rise Against was headlining and an equally unknown band called Avenged Sevenfold was opening. I'd never heard of either. Emily wanted me to go and I wanted to get out of the house for the night so it wasn't that hard for her to twist my arm in the matter. I met her at her apartment which was filth ridden, with drug paraphernalia everywhere, a wall size Misfits poster that took up the entire SIDE of her apartment, and electric guitars propped next to skateboards. As she slipped out of her clothes and into something slinky much to my viewing pleasure, she pointed me to her freezer with a purloined bottle of tropical Schnapps from the liquor store she was working for. Toasting in miniature tea cups I downed the bright blue liquid. I remember it so well, the frost covered bottle, cold in my hand, the electric blueness pouring into what looked like a child's tea party set up. This wasn't the last drink I would take, that would come two months later, yet I remember every detail of the experience. Suited up in skimpiness, we were off to the races. We hauled ass in Emily's SUV and she sat behind the wheel, dwarfed by it's hugeness and her smallness, joint in hand, careening down the expressway and swerving around orange construction barrels. As we exited into the worst part of town I had ever seen I must have looked uneasy. She turned to me and proudly exclaimed "Don't worry, I know this place! I used to score crack here!" We walked in and the first person I saw was the straightedge boy, who was taking money at the door. It was a good sign of things to come. It would also mean I would completely ignore Avenged Sevenfold's set in s stupid quest to get his attention long enough to make conversation. But Em was a champ, she stayed with me through the whole thing. In fact, I don't remember having the guts to say a word. She talked to him, I watched him talking to her and twenty feet away M. Shadows was screaming his sexy, tattooed, egotistical lungs out but I was utterly oblivious. From there we went to the merch booth where Em bought me an Avenged Sevenfold poster that I kept for years on my wall before finally giving it away right on the cusp of actually starting to listen to them. She also bought me a Rise Against patch that is still on my Dickies bag today though it is nothing more than a mess of black thread. We wandered over to the PETA booth, watched some gruesome videos, signed up for mail and picked up a cookbook I would later use to make one of the mall kids a vegan birthday cake. Then Emily spied someone she knew and I followed her over, still looking suspiciously through the crowd sure someone was just going to come up and punch me for no apparent reason. Still following, I watched as she struck up a conversation with this cute guy in glasses. I politely listened in as they talked about how they haven't seen each other since Warped Tour. For the life of me I can't remember what they talked about. I was distracted by a guy that looked like Davey Havok. Their conversation muffled to a drone until the guy looked at his watch and said "Oh crap!! I need to be on

stage! I'll talk to after the show!" and it was at that moment I realized Emily had been talking to Joe Principe of Rise Against. This was our cue as well though there was already too much of a crowd to get near the front. There were maybe one hundred people there and Tim held every one in the palm of his hand. I was amazed. I had never heard them before in my life so I can't tell you the set list but I knew from that time on I wanted to hear more. At the end Emily and I waited at the stage to talk to Tim. I had no idea what to say so I just shook his hand and now I wish I had held on a little longer. Emily got a shirt signed and talked to him for a while. Again I was too preoccupied with the AFI look-alikes in the crowd that I wasn't paying much attention. To this day I wonder if the dude I thought looked like Davey was actually Zacky Vengeance. I'll never know for sure. Soon enough Joe was with us again and he and Emily were engaged in conversation when he turned to me and said "Did that hurt?" I had NO idea what he was talking about, I was too overwhelmed by his very presence. I actually thought he was pointing past me to the PETA booth and I stupidly sputtered "What KFC is doing to chickens?" I swear to god when I'm miserable and in need of cheering up sometimes all it takes to make me smile is thinking "Hey, Joe laughed at my joke." The night drew to an end, Emily went out with the band, and being married, I went home. Next to singing a line with Dave Peters of Throwdown, that first night with Rise Against was the best night of the last ten years of my life. The next time I would see Rise Against they would be back in Corpus, opening for Bad Religion. This happened during what I call "The Emo Dave Era". I met Dave because of Rise Against. He was a little emo boy wearing a Rise Against shirt, skipping school at the mall. I stopped him and asked him about it and well that was it, he just kept coming around. I would end up knowing him for five years and eventually hiring him to work for me. By the second time they came to town Siren Song of The Counterculture was out and I remember bragging to Dave that if it was any other band I would have just downloaded it, but for them I would actually spend my hard earned money. I remember DRINKING in the songs, trying so hard to memorize all of the tracks before the gig hit. I remember the second Rise Against gig for many reasons. It was the first gig I went to alone at a time I was in the grip of panic attacks whenever I had to be in wide open spaces by myself. Two of my "mall daughters" met me at the gates and stayed with me the whole night. I remember that. I remember Dave hitting the merch table before me and buying me Rise Against stickers that I regarded like they were jewels and kept them in some special place until I hid them so well I hid them from myself. Dave and I and the girls were in the front row together, and sadly none of them I am in contact with now. Not only that, but Dave and one of the girls I was up front with would end up working for me and stealing over $1300 from my business during their tenure as my employees. Years from knowing this though we happily stood side by side and sang along for the whole set. What I remember most about that second gig was standing in front of Joe and when he sang "Single file like soldiers on a mission." I saluted him and he saluted back. Tim was wearing the exact same shirt he wore at the first gig but I was probably the only one to notice it. And when Tim asked "Who was here at our first gig when only 20 people showed up?" I proudly raised my hand. All the memorizing I did was pretty much for naught because I was so excited to be in the front row I damn near forgot every word to every song, but for some reason I knew every word to 1,000 Good Intentions. The first Rise Against show was in August, I can't tell you the date of the second one. I made my commitment to becoming straightedge sometime between December and January. I don't know the exact date because I was so scared about the whole

thing I kept it to myself "You're the new revolution The angst filled adolescent You fit the stereotype well..."

.All I know for sure was that I'd been edge several months by the second Rise Against gig at Concrete Street in Corpus. he second Rise Against gig also brings to mind another phantom of my past: a girl I was close to named Amanda (not the Amanda I went to Warped Tour w/, that Amanda I've always called Di because her screen name was Dionysus). This was Amanda's first night aout after being kidnapped and raped. Her parents were druggies and didn't want the cops involved so the guys who did it just got away with it and I'd see them at the mall all the time afterward and I couldn't do shit. It was her and her big sister who met me at the gates and stayed with me all night. I loved those girls. . . . Again, digressing. From First To Last opened and we spent the whole set talking about how much they looked like AFI. I ended up leaving the gig early, going to the house of one of them who still lived with his folks, ringing the doorbell and leaving a note in the mail box that said 'YOUR SON RAPES LITTLE GIRLS----just thought you should know'. It didn't really help anything but it made me feel better. During this mindlessly courageous time I was blinded by my commitment. I jumped into being edge with a fervor reserved for things like joining the Hari Krishnas or Jehovah's Witnesses. It was a complete make over of every idea I'd ever held. I didn't know a great deal but once I found it, I knew it was all I had been looking for. The only other person I actually knew who was edge was the straightedge boy, who now had become god-like in my mind. He was the first face of straightedge for me, the ideal, the standard, the one thing I felt I had to live up to. Sadly, by this time he was long gone, moving away from the mall where we worked and on to better things. This fact only drove me forward in a Holy Grail level quest to find him. When he was there I was terrified of speaking to him and then when he wasn't I kicked myself for not having the courage. I was sure that if I did make my way to him, he could impart some knowledge, some advice that would make my whole solitary experience make sense. The soundtrack of that quest was Blood to Bleed: "Steps I take in your footsteps Aren't getting me closer to what is left of the dreams of what I once claimed to know Within my bones this resonates...." Within weeks of each other three amazing things happened: Ceci, my best friend Amanda(Dionysus) and I went to Warped Tour to see AFI and in the process saw Rise Against as well. Then The Sufferer and the Witness came out, and at the same time Jadey and Ceci came to visit me in Corpus for quite possibly the most idyllic summer of my life. It was that summer we saw Rise Against for the third time. At that Warped Tour again we were in front of Joe, and again when Tim sang "Single file like soldiers on a mission... " we saluted Joe and he saluted us back and it was like a little piece of heaven fell to earth, the moment was so perfect. The set was

short because it was Warped Tour but we didn't care. We were together, we loved each other and we sang along with every song we knew. Sufferer and Witness came out in July right in time for Warped Tour and the girls coming down for a visit. I remember this so well because I had a cd of the straightedge boy's band and it seemed so important for me to play it for Jadey and Ceci. Do you remember that line in The Lost Boys: "Now you know what we are, now you know what you are." ? That was how it felt for me, this romanticized notion that my edge was not my own and it was all owing and belonged to someone else. I wanted to be able to trace it like a family tree to say, if I had not met him I would not have found out about AFI, I would not have made my committment, we would have never met, so therefore the life and friendship we have shared has all traced back to THIS. Well, they weren't all that impressed. I have a very clear memory of us being outside the Sonic Drive In and Jadey asking me "Please turn that noise off and put in something else." That something else was the The Sufferer And The Witnessand it stayed in the player for the rest of the trip. Ready To Fall was the song that defined the next year, much later, that I made my edge my own. In my journey I had looked to so many others for advice or reassurance or validation. I did this because I didn't believe in myself. I thought I was weak and sought in others what would make me strong. Sometimes I received it, like messages sent back and forth the guys in Throwdown and the near religious experience of seeing them live all the times I have, of singing a line with Dave, shaking his hand. Most of the time though my search was in vain. I remember very clearly seeking out help online. One guy told me I would never know who I was until I went to a hardcore show. This wasn't exactly bad advice, hardcore shows had the most amazing energy flowing through them and it did feel good to be surrounded by like minded people. The only thing I really learned about myself through going to hardcore shows was that if God had wanted me to hardcore dance, He would not have given me boobs. There was another guy who told me only the most insecure person would EVER wear a straightedge shirt out in public and if you were sincere about it, you'd keep it to yourself. I thought that guy was nuts. The whole POINT of being edge to me was proving I was not like the idiots around me. "With your eyes Glazed and half-smiled Explain to me the details of your God-given right You point your finger In my face but You can't remember what you did last night" I asked another guy what to do if I was tempted to drink again and he told me if I was tempted I was never really straightedge to begin with and I should just do the scene a favor and kill myself already. Then there were the kids that thought I was just the bees knees and were coming to ME for advice. I had no idea what to tell these kids, but I wasn't about to tell them not to wear sXe gear or kill themselves. Because of my own search for answers I refused to turn any kid away. One day they were telling me I was their hero and begging for advice, the next they were telling me I was out of my mind and to get lost. It took a good four years before I learned not to believe them in either case. "This could be my great awakening But how would I know when it's all noise to me? Are these words falling on deaf ears?" Right in the middle of this I had the good fortune to meet a guy named Chris X from Philly. He neither worshipped nor ignored me. He was simply THERE. I have the most vivid memory of this one morning. I had the same dream about the straightedge boy only this time I stepped out and stopped him and asked him if the hormones levels in milk made people more aggressive the way steroids did and asked if I should stop drinking it. Why this popped into my head I will never know. As usual the alarm rang before the blurry form opened his mouth and imparted wisdom. I woke up at 5 am and suddenly HAD to know

the answer to the question. It happened that Chris X was up too. I contacted him and he took the time out of his morning to discuss this with me completely out of the blue. I don't know why this sticks out in my memory but it does: Him being up at five am and taking an hour out of his morning to answer some moronic question from a girl he didn't know and being so nice about it. He is still edge, we are still friends and he is still there when I need him. He is the exception to the rule. Friends fell away and I remained steadfast, yet alone. Slowly though there came the time when I realized I needed to look no further than in the mirror. It wasn't like this was a new thing. I was told this many times and yet I never believed it. Right about this time Rise Against released Ready To Fall: "But here in this moment like the eye of the storm It all came clear to me I found a shoulder to lean on An infallible reason to live all by itself I took one last look from the heights that I once loved And then I ran like hell" The heights I once loved were ego driven, the compulsion to wear a straightedge shirt every day and X's for every gig and dare anyone to tell me otherwise. It was that romanticized notion of my edge,--that it hadn't been mine and all I was, was owed to someone else. It was as if I believed someone had physically stood between me and a fridge full of alcohol that first year and kept me from it. Or that someone had been there to comfort me when my husband was drunk or in a bad mood and was calling me names or throwing me around because I dared come home with a book of Marxist writing or simply did not shut up and go along or renounce my beliefs. I healed myself, I comforted myself and I did almost all of it completely alone. It was slow in dawning but it finally came to me that I was the only one I had to inspire or impress, and my own approval was all I needed. This revelation was scored by every track on Sufferer and Witness. The fourth time I saw Rise Against, I met Ceci in Austin to see them at Stubb's. Stubb's BBQ is a grand place to see any band because if you get there early enough, you can have lunch on the balcony while watching the band's sound check. We found this out the first time we went there, seeing The Rollins Band open up for X. Going to the Rise Against show I told myself "It's not big deal, I've seen them three times before, I'm just going to kick back and eat and enjoy the sound check" but as soon as Tim and Joe took the stage I could barely consume a thing I was so overwhelmed. As we waited in line after lunch for the doors to reopen, I met Ceci's brother Jordan who is, wildly enough, still my friend. Jordan. He hovers on the edges of my life, always there with a kind word whether I actually deserved it or not. He is the only good thing to come out of my friendship with Ceci. Evergreen Terrace opened that show and we were right in front of the guy in the Straightedge Soldier tshirt and that and a brilliant cover of "Mad World" was all I remembered of their set. Circa Survive came on next and Ceci and I took turns booing them and flipping them off. Not that they were necessarily bad, but we were in no mood to entertain the mopey emo set at that point. Soon we were all piled together up front, again in front of Joe. I didn't get to salute him at that gig. Ceci's arms were too tightly around me. Ceci, her girlfriend Grace, Jordan and my husband were tangled in a sea of arms, so tightly that I wasn't sure of whose hand I was holding most of the night. Though by that time I was perfectly comfortable in my commitment, Blood to Bleed still only reminded me of one person and Ceci knew this. I felt she understood me then, I felt she was one of the very few who knew me best. Beside me was my husband, but in my heart was a dream of someone else, of someone who shared my commitment and my ideals, a dream of an idea more than a person, the perfect guy/relationship/life I would never have. Two months later I would find out my husband was seeing a girl from work

that had got him hooked on heroin. Two months later he would come to where I worked and attack me in front of multiple witnesses and when called, the police would do nothing. Two months later I would sit sobbing in the back of a police car because I was too afraid to go into my own apartment and get my things. When responding to my call the enormous officer would glare down at me and say "Why are you afraid to walk in your own home? Are you on drugs or are you just retarded?" Instead of accompanying me inside to get my things they would search me for drugs. Two months later I would realize why Henry Rollins hated cops so much. Two months later. after ten years together, I would leave my husband. I did not know any of this then. All I knew was that in that instant my heart was bleeding inside of me for want of some friendship I would never have, the one thing I believed would make my life complete. It was that friendship, that idea of a person, of perfection, of everything I wanted myself and my life to be, that seemed like the holy grail of the second part of my life. Looking back, maybe it held value only because it was unobtainable. I had not yet learned to find it in myself so I sought it so furiously in a stranger. So, with the ridiculously angelic vision of the first straightedge boy I ever met in my head, and my unfaithful husband beside me, in that crowd at Stubb's, Rise Against tore into Blood To Bleed. It was our first time to hear it live together as they had not played it at Warped Tour. Ceci looked down at me, wrapped her arms around me and held me tight because she knew exactly who I was thinking of and why. As she held on to me with one hand and ran a hand through my hair, we both screamed out those lyrics that had haunted me and driven me on for years. "This place rings with echos of lives once lived, but now are lost Times spent wondering about tomorrow I don't care if we lose it all tonight Up in flames, burning bright.... Within my bones this resonates Boiling blood will circulate Could you tell me again what you did this for?" And just like I was blind to what was about to erupt with my husband I was just as blind to time bomb ticking inside of Ceci that would turn her into a complete stranger the next time we met, at the very same place it would turn out. Had I known that this was the last time she would hold my hand and sing with me and look down on me with love and empathy in her eyes, I would not have wasted my sorrow in grieving for a friendship that never was and instead would have known to grieve for the real friendship I was losing. I should have grieved for hers, but in retrospect, it was no more real than the idea of the one I chased after so fruitlessly. "I don't love you anymore is all I remember you telling me never have I felt so cold But I've no more blood to bleed Cuz my heart has been draining into the sea...." And the strange footnote to that day, that time, that moment of hope and loss and all that was to come is this: Even though his friendship I never actually earned, in his status of a wise, polite stranger, that straightedge boy I never really knew was far more civil than Ceci. His responses, however short they were, however long it took to get them, were genuine. It is such a small thing, his honesty, yet it is more than I can say for ninety percent of the people I've known in the last several years. Another song we sang together that night was Prayer of the Refugee. I had no idea then but that song was about to describe my life. "We are the angry and desperate The hungry and the cold We are the ones who kept quiet and always did what we were told But we've been sweating while you slept so calm in the safety of your homes We've been pulling at the nails that hold up everything you own."

The split with my husband was brutal. First I had to deal with police that didn't care, who told me at one point "Well, if he tries to kill you, call us back, otherwise there's nothing we can do. He's your husband and he has the same right to live here as you do." Thanks to the police not doing anything, I was thrown out of the apartment I had paid for for ten years. The battered women's shelter was full and I would have found myself homeless had it not been for my friend Lilo. Suddenly I was having to start from scratch and then, upon finding a place, having to pack up ten years worth of my life and move it all by myself. "I hit the ground and I'm still running but I need a place to stay tonight I swear I'll be gone in the morning I just need some place warm to close my eyes." Every day I worked until the afternoon, went home and packed until 2 am, fell asleep until 5 am and then got up and did it all again. Then once I was packed I had to move it all. I can't remember why I didn't ask for help but I moved it all alone except for the bed, entertainment center and tv. "The drones all slave away They're working overtime They serve a faceless queen They never question why Disciples of a god That neither lives nor breathes But we've got bills to pay Yeah we've got mouths to feed I won't go back..." This was such a strange time. There was no way to hide what was going on: my husband came to where I worked and jumped me in front of everyone there, I had to tell my boss "My husband kicked me out and I'm homeless at the moment, could I possibly get my check a day or two early to put a deposit down on an apartment?" and I had to own up to the fact that I was straightedge and my husband was a heroin addict. "We're broken but still breathing We are wounded but we are healing We pick up right where we left off Breathe on the ashes that remain So that these coals may become fire To guide our way.." This made my life suddenly seem a really bad B movie. There was nothing to do but go on. I would have asked myself "What would that straightedge guy do in this situation?" if I'd had any idea. Instead I asked "What would Dave Peters of Throwdown do?" and of course the obvious answer was "punch something". As much as I wanted to, I couldn't do that. However, I knew for sure what he wouldn't do and that was curl up in a ball and cry. So I didn't do that either. It was a such horrible time and yet when I look back all I remember is my own strength and the exhilaration I felt when I finally left. "So give me the drug Keep me alive Give me what's left of my life Don't let me go... Pull this plug, let me breathe On my own, I'm finally free..."

Lilo and Di swore I looked great, like I had suddenly gotten 10 years younger. They said I was glowing, but unless I had come in contact with radium I certainly didn't see how. I remember thinking "Well hell, maybe the Socialists were right. Maybe 16 hour days are the way to salvation." "Wake me up inside Tell me there's a reason To take another step To get up off my knees and, Follow this path of most resistance. And where ever it takes us, Whatever it faces and wherever it leads" As I came into my own power, the straightedge boy who had loomed so god-like over the first years of my commitment shrank back down to human size. Deep down I still hoped that if he was to know of all I had gone through he would be a little proud of me for surviving with my integrity intact. But if he didn't, well that was okay too. Survive I did, survive I continue to. "Somewhere between happy, and total fucking wreck Feet sometimes on solid ground, sometimes at the edge To spend your waking moments, simply killing time Is to give up on your hopes and dreams, to give up on your... Life for you, has been less than kind So take a number, stand in line We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt But how we survive, is what makes us who we are" When I had my own place and my own life again, to celebrate I bought myself a Christmas present: a tattoo of a sparrow carrying brass knuckles in her beak. It reminded me of this lyric that had been echoing in my head the whole time: "And if strength was born from heartbreak Then mountains I could move If walls could speak I pray that they would tell me what to do." I enjoyed more than six months of solitude in my cozy little apartment on Airline. I filled my weekends with walks on the beach, solitary shopping excursions for meatless dinners, and nights were spent at the House of Rock and the Underground watching bands, enjoying the freedom of staying out without getting yelled at or called names. I spent Christmas alone on Lilo's floor stuffing myself with processed cheeseballs and watching movies. It was my first UnChristmas. The Jehovah's Witnesses would have been proud! "Warm yourself by the fire, son, And the morning will come soon. I’ll tell you stories of a better time, In a place that we once knew. Before we packed our bags And left all this behind us in the dust, We had a place that we could call home, And a life no one could touch."

But I am flawed and cowed and crippled by the Christian concept of forgiveness. And by the time I would be seeing Rise Against again, my husband would be back by my side. In West Texas his mom had ran him through the MHMR system, let them start him on 7 different drugs, ---including three different tranquilizers and pills for hallucinations and seizures, which he never once had,--- used him to get on welfare, disability, and Medicare. Once he's served the purpose, she called a friend in the sheriff's department and had him pulled from her house, drugged out of his mind on meds at the time, and stuck on a bus to Corpus Christi. The Glasscock County Sherriff's Department called me at work to TELL me "Your husband is on a bus to Corpus, he'll be there at two am. He's your responsibility now." On the bus, because of his state of stupor, he was robbed of everything but his clothes and as much as I wanted to just shove him into the closest homeless shelter, I couldn't. Had it been me, as unlikely as that would be, I would want someone to have compassion. "We are the children you reject and disregard These aching cries come from the bottom of our hearts You can't disown us now, we are your own flesh and blood And we don't disappear just because your eyes are shut" I took him in. At first it was easy. Thanks to the drugs he was sleeping 18 hours a day. Finally I started to investigate what they had him on, what he could do without and how to get him back to normal. I'm not sure how I did it, but I weened him off of every drug he was on. At first it was out of necessity since I was making too much money for him to stay on state sponsored help and he'd have run out eventually. Looking back though, had he sustained that amount of drug intake for long he would have probably died. So he was back for good and conversely Ceci and Jadey and nearly every other friend I had at the time would have turned their backs on me and flocked to other, cooler individuals. All those kids that convinced me they would have killed themselves, starved themselves, cut themselves to shreds, OD'ed, etc had they not met me, who all imposed their problems and lives on mine for five years or more and took up every spare moment of my time and every inch of my heart all turned 18 at once. In turning 18 they realized they knew it all and I was no longer worth their time. "And if you think your words will ever make a difference Think again and carry on..." My husband and I are still together, but all those friends are long gone. I wish I could say he gave up all his demons, but he didn't. He simply traded the big ones for a myriad of lesser evils. He will never be straightedge. And though he claims to be proud of me, to this day he is convinced, utterly falsely, I am hiding some secret affair with the straightedge boy from years ago. I sat him down one day and asked "Do you get that we are straightedge? Do you get that in being straightedge we could not possibly cheat on our significant others and remain straightedge? Do you get that no matter how much he influenced me I barely knew him and he barely gave me the time of day? Do you get that what you are accusing me of is utterly impossible?”

Despite his insistence on this, the idea doesn't bother him enough for him to give up his own addictions and become edge himself. He no longer asks me to change and he is no longer violent, thank god. I no longer ask him to change, though I pray every day he will. We have been together for twenty years now and I have never been with anyone else. This doesn't keep me from dreaming of some nice sXe man who shares my ideals. But I think of it much like I imagine racing on the autobahn, knowing it will never actually happen and knowing I’d never do it even if I could. "We live on front porches and swing life away We get by just fine here on minimum wage If love is a labor I'll slave til the end..." Things in my life settled down for a bit as we prepared to see the boys again at Stubb's BBQ. Through myspace I found my friend Linda that I had not spoken to in fifteen years. As we sat on the balcony at Stubb's I kept one eye on the stage and the other on the door waiting to see her again. When she walked through the doors it was like the last fifteen years never even happened and instantly we picked up right where we left off and again were tearing through Austin with her at the wheel like we had so many times in the past. Because of this joyful reunion I was not first in line when the doors opened, I was buying rainbow necklaces in the gay shops in town and snickering over whether the guy behind the counter was flirting with my husband or not. - That was a strange memory for me, being in the very back of the audience for once, singing alone as Aaron sat on a rock and read a Robert Jordan novel. I was happy to be there, the music was incredible, but the feeling was all wrong. I was isolated and alone, in the back row with my fist raised and Aaron tugging at my arm every other song asking "What song is this? Do I know this one?". I wondered if Ceci was there in the front row, holding on to someone else and convincing them she would have killed herself if they hadn't come into her life. I imagined others in the front row, in our place, saluting Joe, singing our songs while I was the interloper that did not belong anymore. We walked out of the sold out show before the encore, a long drive home facing us. Aaron never lets me stay for the encores. He always wants to hit the road. As we walked to the car, with Worth Dying For wafting through the air above us, I blew a kiss to the wind and told Ceci goodbye. "Feel me rise in the strength I've found inside the warm embracing air Like a glacier melting watch me dissipate I searched for love in an empty world but all I found was hate" It was the lyrics of Rise Against that echoed in my head when I sat down to read the words of Marx and Lenin for the first time as a whole other world opened up for me. It was Rise Against that drove me on as I worked sixty hour weeks. "We're losing daylight but I can't work any faster Under the veil of dust we go on..." Their lyrics saw me through every major event of the last several years of my life. Appeal to Reason was released in the Fall of 2008 and though the year found me miserably poor and unemployed, I still bought it the day it came out. It was on my mp3 player and as I sat in the welfare office applying for food stamps I would hear the lyrics "Despite these petty fortunes we still can't afford a life...." for the first time and I would pause a moment just for the whole zeitgeist effect of it. For Christmas of 2008 I received an email from Ceci after a year and a half of ignoring my every attempt at contacting her. I had tried everything, even terribly childish measures to get some kind of reaction but every letter---first polite, then angry, then groveling-- every call, email, and package was met with silence. A year and a half passed and then I got the email saying "I got the new Rise Against and it made me realize how much I loved and missed you and loved AFI and I want to be friends again. I know you can't forgive me but can we be friends again? There's this song on that new Rise Against that

reminds me of you." True to the bond we had once held there was certainly a song on the new Rise Against that reminded me of us too: "Identities assume us as nine and five add up Synchronizing watches To the seconds that we lost I looked up and saw you I know that you saw me We froze but for a moment In empathy I brought down the sky for you but all you did was shrug" This was exactly what happened the last time we saw each other when she turned up her nose and pretended not to know who I was, just a week after sending me a letter saying how much she loved me. This led to the year plus of her not speaking to and ignoring all attempts at contact I made, even the immature ones. "And if you see me please just walk on by Walk on by Forget my name and I'll forget it too Failed attempts at living simple lives Simple lives Always keep me coming back to you." But too much time had passed and although that Christian weakness crippled me so with my husband, for once I stood strong and had no trouble in keeping the door to my heart shut. I told her not to contact me again. "I count the times that I've been sorry Now my compassion slowly drowns If there's a time these walls could guard you Then let that time be right now."

That doesn't mean that my mind does not still light to her like a bee to a flower, the years we were friends, that feeling of love and camaraderie and the bond I imagined we had. The last three Rise Against albums play the soundtrack of our friendship whenever I turn them on. When I play Appeal to Reason I wonder if this song reminds her of me:

"It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten what the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them" If I close my eyes I am there again in that Port Aransas condo, the night we met face to face after talking online for so long. We are huddled together in the bedroom sharing the earphones of a cd player listening to Placebo's Sleeping With Ghosts. I am pulling down the zipper of my boot and showing her three freshly razored X's cut into my ankle, the blood still stuck to a wad of tissue pressed between my sock and skin. She is crying and wrapping her arms around me and telling me she understands everything and that someday she will show me her scars too. "I'll show you mine If you'll show me yours first Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words..." She never did show me her scars. I wonder now if she even had any. There are lots of songs that transport me back then when she was my world. But now I know nothing about her nor anyone else I knew then was real and I wonder if that song ever reminds her of me and the way she led me to believe I was her lifeline, right up until the moment she cut me off and forgot me like a favorite toy after adolescence destroys the need for such playthings. "As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten ..." This is the music that accompanied my feet hitting the pavement of park sidewalks and treadmills, it is the melodies that buoyed me through endless work weeks and settled into the recesses of my heart in times of quiet contemplation. As I read words written years ago by writers we were never allowed to study in school, it is the soundtrack that played in my mind when those concepts began to make sense. When I read Ten Days that Shook the World by John Reed, what I was hearing in my head was

"but these ghosts come alive like water and wine walk through these streets singing songs and carrying signs, to them these streets belong.." As I struggled to understand the Communist Manifesto I was thinking to myself: "Unknowing, we lie and wait for the rain To wash away what they have made Face down in the dirt with your foot on my back In the distance I hear thunder crack C'mon Stand up! This system of power and privilege is about to come to an end Here come the clouds The first drop is falling down" I look back at many things and laugh. I remember when I was first looking for straightedge shirts I came upon one that said SUPPORT LEFTIST HARDCORE. I had no earthly idea what it meant and was way too scared to ask anyone. Now I can quote Trotsky. When I first turned edge I stopped eating meat for several months until my husband found out and started calling me a Communist. At the time it seemed like the worst thing in the world to be called. He still calls me a Communist but now with laughable results. I'll cock my head, say something to him in Russian, he'll mumble under his breath 'Yeah you only say that because you've had sex with the entire Communist party!", I'll roll my eyes and we go back to our common denominators of movie quotes, comic books, and making fun of people. I always loved the way the Russian alphabet looked and shortly after we were married I got a tramp stamp with his initials in Russian. He now claims it actually means "Welcome aboard, Comrade." I just laugh and we kid each other and life goes on. In the great Holy Grail of a search for wisdom that I thought could only come from the first straightedge boy I knew, I had one great fear: what if I found him again and he was no longer edge? I was terrified of this, sure that if he fell I would too, that if that touchstone was gone, all would be lost. This no longer worries me. I would be sad if it happened, but it would not affect my journey nor cause me to stumble because I have found my own way. It was hard way full of work, trial and error and pure blind luck. Maybe it would have been easier if things had gone differently and yet it is all mine and no one else's.

I have now seen Rise Against eight times each with its own small dramas, like when I was working for Job Corps, worked an 18 hour day, literally passed out in my car from low blood sugar and exhaustion—luckily before I had started the engine. I somehow made it home, downed two peanut butter sandwiches and went to the show where I had no energy to dance, but just stood there and sang.

The last show was the best in years for me. I was in the second row behind a little boy and his mom. His mom was my age and it was her son’s first concert. He was there to see NOFX. They put on an incredible show and I did my best to keep the crowd off the kid. As a reward, the mother gave me their spot and they went to the back when Rise Against came on. I had not been in the front row since that show with Ceci. I felt like I was twenty again. Rise Against is the music that scores ALL of this in my memory. It is the sound of hope and loss, of new directions and ideas, of the brass ring becoming just another small cog in the great, silent machinations of my soul. It is the music of discovering that the strength of the world lies inside my own heart. It is the sound of me walking away from what I loved, it is the joyous noise of friends you're certain is lost forever coming back to you. This is my so-called Rise Against life

[headlessandhellbent]

Had a dream last night. Please read. Please analyze.

 my sister and I were on rouned 3 of our summer concerts. AFI just got off the stage (and in my dream I literally watched the entire 8-song setlist). I left to go to the bathroom. On my way to them I go to the lobby where all the merch is and I’m looking around and I spot an AFI corner but unpon further inspection (I vividly remember standing in front of the booth in my blue/purple/white Liz Clayborn Jeggings, a purple Old Navy tank top and my black flats with the shiny toes and like, feeling like a mom infont of the skinny tatted dudes running the stand) realized that it wasn’t CONCERT merch, but it was all Spencer’s brand band merch? And the booth next to them was specifically Hot Topic merch with Hot Topic tags on every item. I rememeber being really fucking confused but not fucking confused enough to actually ask anyone if there was actual concert merch so I went to the bathroom. Except the ladies bathroom in the lobby had a giant sign “SEQUINED DRESSES ONLY” and there was a huge wait of like 10 girls in those poofy-ass prom-dress type things? With their hair and makeup done. So I’m looking around and I see a sign for another bathroom. And then all of a sudden there’s a small group of people and I trying to find this other bathroom for people NOT in sequined dresses and we’re in like... the closed off section of the venue? It was like a huge area deal type, btw. And the lights are off and we’re all like sneaking towards this ladies bathroom around the corner and down like three halls. And then Right past bathroom I notice a little alley and it’s literally like two steps back to the glitter bathroom and lit up yet we took the dark closed off path there. Anyway. So I’m heading back to the stage area, didn’t actually use the bathroom, just found it and walked past it. It’s all elevated seating and now the arena is like a small play type theatre? So I’m looking trying to find my sister. I spot her, the way from the door on the wall would be up the side stairs, across the back, then down the to where our row is. and there’s like random people from high school like just up and walking around everywhere. There’s something/someone blocking that that way so I opt to go across the front then up... except there’s a lady in a wheel chair and I literally like start climbing over her like a fucking monkey and she’s like ‘ahem....?’ and I’m like ‘oh omg so sorry’ and I start to go the other way except the lady she’s with is like ‘no no climb over her’ SO I DO?! and I make it back to my seat.... finally. And I’m explaining to my sister about all the bogus Hot Topic shit in the lobby and all I want is a AFI concert tee with the dates on the back and we’re hemming and hawwing over it and then like all of the sudden the big screen behind the stage starts playing an episode of Grey’s Anatomy because it’s been SOOO fucking long getting the next band out. And apparently the next band is Cane Hill and NOT Slipknot like we thought. My phone is broken and at home so I ask my sister if I can take pictures on her’s instead when they come out and I guess she agrees and I’m thinking and getting sad about all the pictures from Disrupt when I saw The Used and how they’re all lost now on my broken phone (except irl i downloaded them thank god before it broke) and am wondering how i’m going to get them off her phone to me.  

Then my alarm went off.

Someone please dream analysis the fuck of this. 

Also sidenote, I woke up and I am wearing my exact dream outfit down to the shiny toed flats to work today lmao.

Please and thank!

[makotokyoqoku-archived]

1-10 or just answer what questions you want ❤️

1.  Are you more emo, scene or punk?

possibly all of them dfjghdjfkhg like,, i wanna dress like a punk but also look like an emo and goth--do you see my dilemma? so yeah im just like,, all of them except for scene dfjghdfgs

2. answered!

3. Any New Year’s resolutions?

just. fucking live it yk? mind my own business, get a better taste in fandom artists bc im tired of disappointing myself,, and just live. i dont really plan for long-term stuff.

4. Favourite music video?

right now it belongs to my mom who raised me--in this moment’s new single, the in-between (tw for flashing lights) im obsessed w the song and mv honestly i just love everything about it!!!!!

my fav mv of all time would be afi’s miss murder--i just always go back to it. back to my emo-goth roots so to speak.

5. Favourite song?

oh man................................................ idk dfjhgdjfkhg right now its in this moment’s the in-between.

6. Panic! At The Disco or Fall Out Boy?

theyre both bad ngl like yeah there released some bangers in 00s but thats it. theyve fucking expired. pete wentz--from fob--is a pedo and brendon urie is a transphobic shithead who told an entire audience at a concert that he wants to rape them--just look it up. theyre both fucking bad in every sense of the word.

i’ll stick to starset and breaking benjamin and in this moment, thank you very much.

7. Favourite album?

DIVISIONS by starset & phobia by breaking benjamin!! specially phobia that album will always have a special place in my heart

8. Do you own a pair of fingerless gloves or skeleton gloves (or the combination)?

GOD I WISH!!!!!!!!!! i always loved fingerless gloves but alas i cant dress how i want bc of my family so thats a no, i dont own any of these things *pensive*

9. Do you own any band merch? If so, from what bands?

no bc the only band merch we have around here is merchandise of BTS ://

10. Got a jacket with pins?

these questions make me wish i have all these things but no i dont *pensive x2*

[what-if-exxo]

Exo as type of emo/scene kids

Yixing: Holds “free hugs” signs at the mall and concerts, Listens to Never Shout Never and SayWeCanFly, uploads acoustic covers on youtube, Always has a stuffed animal in his selfies, will forever own a sidekick

Chanyeol: Lol I’m so random XD, religiously listens to Brokencyde and Dot Dot Curve, Believes he’s a vampire, randomly bites people, works at spencers while staring longingly at Hot Topic. Has a screamo band but hurt his throat so he just plays drums now.

Baekhyun: Dry humps friends in public so hard the chain on his jeans thrash against his thigh, every Blood On The Dance Floor and Millionaires song is his anthem, Moans in his friend’s ears, Mainly hangs out in the toy aisle of Target and mall parking lots. Posts pics of him and Chanyeol kissing every day

Kyungsoo: Orignal Emo, Listens to My Chemical Romance, AFI and  Marilyn Manson, Most likely to become goth, Works at Hot Topic but complains about the lack of alternative merch, wears a real razor blade on a necklace, drinks his own blood to push away people who can’t handle it. Unfortunately, Chanyeol fell in love with him because of it.

Kai: Soft and sweet but moshes so hard he makes Kyungsoo proud, listens to Breath Carolina, Atilla, and Falling In Reverse. Spends most of his day in Hot Topic, so many rubber and Kandi bracelets, Goes to Warped Tour every year usually shirtless within five minutes of entering.  

Sehun: Myspace famous, friends with Andy Biersack, listens to Sleeping With Sirens and Pierce The Veil, Also Youtube famous just for being cute, Hangs out with bands in their tour bus, has dyed his hair every color possible including rainbow. Dated Mellissa Marie Green from the Millionaires as well as Jayy Von Monroe from BOTDF just to start drama during a tour

Xiumin: In a screamo band more famous than Chanyeol’s, used to be xXxEmo_KittenxXx, listens to Bring Me The Horizon, Motionless In White, and Escape The Fate, Got in a bar fight with Danny Worsnop from Asking Alexandria and won.

Chen: Pop punk af, listens to All Time Low, Fall Out Boy, A Day To Remember and Green Day, Loiters outside of the movie theater, casually skateboards everywhere, Has empty cans of energy drinks all over his room, the lead singer of Chanyeol’s band,

Suho: Cried when My Chemical Romance broke up, listens to MCR, Flyleaf, and Hawthrone Heights. Barely goes to concerts due to getting proper Christian rock bands for his church’s youth services.

[afimerch]

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AFI is an American rock band from Ukiah, California, formed in 1991. Since 1998, it consists of lead vocalist Davey Havok, drummer and backing vocalist Adam Carson, bassist,Buy Afi Merch Here!

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[princess-havok]

So about the Dreamcar show

Y’all, so much happened. 

In bullet form for readability/it’s 1AM and I have work in the morning because I’m an adult.

Pre-show

I got there like 45 minutes after doors opened because my days of lining up mega early for shows are over.

That’s a lie

I just had to work til 5 and it was raining all day so I didn’t wanna sit outside anyway

So I walk into the venue, and??? It’s so empty??? Like what the fuck??? I went to the bathroom, which is wayyyyyyy at the back and in the basement, I hate getting to it during packed shows because you CAN’T MOVE. That venue is not safe and there are not enough exits BUT ANYWAY.

When I got back upstairs I went to the merch table and bought a tank top

Warning if you see Dreamcar: it fits weirdly small???

But I love it

Also they didn’t do that thing I hate when bands jack up prices by like $10 because of the conversion rate.

It’s $35 online and I paid $35CAD.

Joke’s on you that’s only like $20US

Help our dollar is a fucking joke

Then I went to the stage and despite the opening band staring imminently I was only two people from the front???

Superet

I mean, I don’t know if I would go seeking out their music but they were really fun and had fantastic energy. The lead singer kept making eye contact with people in the front and it was slightly awkward but also endearing as hell. I kept getting distracted during their set because I decided most of the rest of the band looked like other people

The keyboard player looked so much like Jamison Covington from JamisonParker

Does anyone remember them? They had like one album in maybe 2005 and I loved it

But it’s so emo

Listening to it now is like??? Was my world ever that dark? Damn son.

The drummer looks just like a dude I went to high school with and played in Concert Band with

But it is not.

That dude is a DJ now though

The percussionist lowkey reminded me of what’s his face from Cabin in the Woods... the stoner one. 

Cabin in the Woods is a great movie

Dreamcar

I mean is it any surprise that they’re great live? All of them have been performing for so long so like... they know their shit. But there’s a lot happening all at once, it seems like. You’ll maybe see when I post my video of All Of The Dead Girls once it finishes uploading to YouTube. But I guess it’s partly because Tom, Adrian & Tony are so used to playing together but sometimes it’s like there’s their show happening and then there’s Davey being Davey around them and it is a lot.

Someone yelled “You’re good!” between songs and it got a good laugh out of Davey who was like, “I’m glad you think so???”

Like what an odd thing to say???

The other three have mastered the art of keeping Davey on topic

If he sounds like he’s about to go off on a tangent just start the next song it’s great

“If only that would work during interviews,” I’m sure Jade/Adam/Hunter is muttering to himself in the distance

They covered Don’t Change and it was amazing, I wanted to get a video of it but it was such a different (more upbeat) version I didn’t even clue in on time lmao

During the bridge of Kill For Candy, Davey and I shared a moment during the first “Let it dissolve on your tongue” and it was magical

Post-show

It rained literally the entire day here, so when I walked out of the venue and it wasn’t raining anymore I thought, y’know what, I’m gonna stick around for a bit, try my luck meeting these dudes. But only until 11:00. That’s my cut-off. I’m a responsible adult.

This is a lie

It’s cute that I believed it though

Also it was still raining but it was a very fine mist so it wasn’t that bad

This is also a lie it was terrible and my hair went to shit

There were like 25 people waiting, at the peak of it. After about an hour, some people had left so there were maybe 20 or so. Not bad at all, right? About half of those were No Doubt faithful, who seemed to be a very tight-knit group who all knew each other from various No Doubt events and trips and stuff. They were super nice and -- bonus! -- most of them couldn’t be fucked about Davey. But we did talk about the show, how awesome it was, and the fact that Davey is secretly jacked was mentioned -- not even by me!!! And most of them agreed that a) it should’ve been a longer set and b) they should’ve covered some No Doubt because Davey singing I’m Just A Girl would be delightful.

Somebody made the joke that the guys snuck out past all of us and were probably on the public transit bus that went by

“But then they’ll get to Sherbourne station and get shanked.”

If you know Toronto at all you know that’s probably true

If there was anywhere in this city where a repeat of “what are you gonna do about it, pink shoes?” was gonna go down it’s motherfucking Sherbourne St.

Finally at around 11:15 or so, security & tour management came out and set up a barricade by the bus, telling us all to line up in twos. Ok cool. We did. 

Tom came out first and the orderly line went to shit because he just like, walked right out to chat and take pictures and sign autographs. I was trying to stay near the barricade and missed him entirely. Oops. 

Tony came out next and did the same thing, but actually on my side. I got a picture with him and he signed my ticket.

 Adrian stayed by the barricade but was very chatty with people. I also got a picture and autograph from him.

All of them seemed to like, know some of the No Doubt die hards who were there and I think that’s so cool, they’ve always seemed like this huge, untouchable band to me but they’re so cool with their fans

All three of them got on the bus, and because of the No Doubt fans stepping back I was pretty much at the barricade. The tour manager came back and asked who we were still waiting for so of course were like, obviously Davey. So then came the new instructions:

Single file lineup please (I ended up third, so cool)

No photos

This is 900% ok I’ve seen my pictures with Adrian & Tony I know what I look like

I’ve been standing in the rain for two hours I look like I live in garbage and a family of raccoons have been living in my hair for the winter

No hugs either

Also fine because who honestly wants to hug a bunch of damp strangers???

Just a chat, an autograph, and keep the line moving

Awesome, we’re grown ups, we can do this

Oh shit now I have to think of something to say

So then Davey appears in that long hoodie/cloak... thing... which I SHOULD have asked where he got it because I love it but obviously I think of things to say after the fact, so whatever. He was really chatty and smiling at everyone and it was so nice. The first two conversations happened as I was trying not to awkwardly stare at Davey. I’m not gonna be the one who makes it weird.

This is also a lie

I don’t think I made it weird though

When it was my turn, he asked how I was and I said “amazing” because I was, and the teenage version of me fainted then and there, she was not at all prepared for this moment.

I might’ve rattled off something about how his music, whether AFI or Blaqk Audio or Dreamcar or any other project, has been such a big part of my life for almost half my life now, so thank you and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it

I don’t think that was weird

It was true, too

“Thank you, I hope that’s a good thing.”

I mean.

Obviously.

So I said it’s absolutely a good thing, thanked him again, and mentioned I would see him in like 3 weeks (!!!) for some AFI shows. 

‘Cause y’know. He’ll remember.

And then I walked back to the subway and went home, 18-year-old me screaming internally.

tl;dr I saw Dreamcar, they were amazing, I finally met Davey Havok after 15 years.

[dollhandinfection]

How was AFI?

Oh man, it was honestly a life changing experience. So the concertstarted at 9 pm and me and my awesome friend got there at 12 pm. Oh and did Imention that it was fucking hot?? It was literally 110 degrees, and if you knowanything about Kansas you know that the majority of the heat was humidity. Butluckily when we got to The Midland (which is where they played) we found thislittle crook of shade so we put all our stuff in that and camped out. While wewere sitting there it came out that we were the first people (and almost only)who were actually from Kansas. I spoke to a couple of AFI fans while we werewaiting for hours and most of them were pretty cool and really nice. While wewere waiting I went across the street to the really fancy grocery store to goto the bathroom. I go in and I end up talking to this neat dude whose like anuber fan and has been to almost all the shows on The Blood Tour. While we weretalking it got brought up that apparently Circa Survive wasn’t playing thatnight. Which honestly I was kinda glad about cuz I didn’t really know anythingabout Circa Survive. But I felt so shitty because my friend came with me cuzshe’s a Circa fan! Luckily when I told her she wasn’t upset or anything andsaid she would’ve came anyway. Apparently a lot of other people in line alsodidn’t know that Circa wasn’t playing, but no one was mad about it (I guess alot of people just assumed that because all the other shows on this leg of thetour are with Circa Survive, but I guess KC was the exception.) I was also a little worried because people kept saying thatthe tour shirt didn’t even mention the KC stop on it, but luckily they werewrong! (it doesn’t have the right date on there, but it definitely says KC). Sofinally at about 8 something they start letting us in, and by that point myfriend got like a pinched nerve from sitting on the ground for too long, so sheended up just sitting in the lobby for the concert (which honestly may havebeen a good thing because she probably would’ve gotten crushed in that crowd).I immediately go to the merch table and while I’m buying my shirts my awesomefriend goes and saves me a spot so close to the stage. I get to the spot andthe girl standing right next to me is wearing the same shirt as me! (which isfunny because we were the ONLY people there wearing that shirt. We both knew itwas an older AFI tour shirt, but we both couldn’t remember exactly where we gotit from haha.) She was pretty cool and so was her husband. Before the concertstarted, she leans over and goes, “so you’re gay and I gotta ask… Do you thinkDavey and Jade are gay?? I always thought they were in a relationship.” And I’mjust like ha well they’ve never really straight out said what they’resexualities are, but I know that Davey’s really never been the one for labels.I honestly don’t think they’re 100% straight, but I can’t really say if they’regay or not since I don’t personally know them. (Granted tho they’ve been in aband for over 20 years and if you haven’t been at least a little gay with yourbest friend, then you’re not really best friends haha.) So finally the concert starts and Citizen comes out. Now I had only really heard ofCitizen by their lyric pics on tumblr and a couple of seconds of some of theirsongs. But I gotta say, I was pretty impressed. Besides the fact that there wasn’t a good mic check before playing, I thought it went pretty well. Icould hear all the instruments clearly and that whole band was really puttingtheir all in. It was a little awkward since no one really knew their songs sowe just kinda stood there and listened and clapped. After that performance I’lldefinitely be checking out more of their music. I really wanted to saysomething to them after the concert, but they pretty much grabbed all theirequipment and bolted (they probably just wanted to get back on the road asap.)After Citizen it was about 20 minutes before it finally happened. Adam came outfirst and got set up, then Hunter, then Davey, and Jade. Where I was standing Igot an amazing view of Davey and Jade. Sadly tho I wasn’t able to get any pics of Hunter because he was on theleft side of the stage, and I couldn’t get any pics of Adam during the concertbecause of the way his drums were lit up you couldn’t see his face. They startoff playing Girl’s not Grey and it literally felt like I was seeing the face ofGod. Davey locked eyes with me for like 1 second and then he reached his handright across in front of me and I brushed it with my fingertips because I wasnervous and didn’t want to be pushy. And let me tell you about this setlistholy fuck. So like I said they started off with Girl’s not Grey, then they wentinto Love like Winter (which was the first song I ever heard by them so thatwas awesome), then So Beneath You, then 17 Crimes (which is one of my favsongs/music videos), and then Malleus Maleficarum (which is when everyone losttheir fucking minds and started shoving like crazy), then Get Hurt (which wasthe first time they ever played that live!), then Lost Souls (which is whenDavey stepped into the crowd and I FUCKING TOUCHED HIS BACK HE WAS RIGHT THEREIN FRONT OF ME AND I HAVE VIDEO PROOF), then The Leaving Song pt. 1, then HeWho Laughs Last, then Feed From the Floor (which is also one of my fav songsand I may base my AFI tattoo that I’m gonna get after), then Days of thePhoenix (I could watch them play this song over and over until I die), then IHope You Suffer (which honestly I never really connected with this song before,but watching them perform it live holy shit, there was just so much passion andit literally felt like Davey was singing the song into my soul), then SnowCats, then Miss Murder, then Paper Airplanes, and then Silver and Cold (which wow, it just really struck a chord with me).Davey also sang most of Jack the Ripper (one of my all time favorites)completely a capella! (I also got some of that on video.) During the concert Ialmost lost my balance a couple of times cuz during certain songs people fromthe very back would start pushing and it pushed me into the first two rows ofpeople (which I said sorry about every time it happened just like the girlsbehind apologized when it happened.) Oh and also during the last two songs Igot wedged between these guys that were like a foot taller than me. The guy onthe right wasn’t really excited and just kinda stood there and nodded his head.The guy on the left wore a bright blue shirt (he was in the video that I took ofDavey in the crowd) and he was drunk and a complete asshole. Apparently duringthe rest of the concert he was pushing and shoving the girls that were behindme and made his way next to me. then during the last two songs he startsshoving me to the right (when literally no one else was shoving), I thought itwas an accident at first. Then I realize he’s clearly trying to bump me out ofmy spot, so I start shoving back. Then HE LITERALLY STARTS SHOVING HIS ASS INMY FACE. I had it, I was in the heat all day and about to pass out from toomuch excitement and I was not gonna put up with this shit, so I shoved him realhard and yelled, “DUDE WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?? YOU’RE SHOVING YOUR ASSIN MY GODDAMN FACE I’M A LITTLE GUY JUST LET ME STAND HERE PLEASE”. He fucking turns tome and says, “um you’re being a little rude.” So I was like haha dude whateverand wedged myself in front of him so that I could enjoy the last song. Afterthe concert like six people behind me came up to me to tell me that that drunk guy was an asshole and thanked me for actuallypushing him back and calling him out (they were all my height and the dude was like 6 foot something). A partof me worries that Davey just saw me pushing and thought that I was the assholeor something, but Jade was right there too and we talked after the show and hewas so nice. So after the concert ended me and my friend went out by the tourbus to wait and see if the band would come out. Adam came out first and theperson next to me asked for a pic and he said, “well actually I have a coupleof stuff I need to get. But I’ll be back, is that okay?” Like wow what a sweetguy. So eventually he comes back out and I’m starstruck. I shake his hand andtell him how weird it is to see one of the people I’ve been idolizing since 5thgrade so I’ll try to talk like a normal human being as much as possible, and hesmiles and says he’s happy I had a great time at my first AFI concert. Then Igave him this letter I wrote to the band and I tell him I didn’t want to makeit out to any specific person in the band because you’re all important. I tellhim how much I love AFI and that I don’t ever want him to feel like fans don’tappreciate him because the band wouldn’t be the same without all you guys. Andhe was like aww thanks. And he took a selfie with me and after I took it he waslike, “wait I didn’t see where to look, was I looking at the camera?” so I pullup the picture and he goes oh okay cool I did it right (what a nerd I lovehim). He also autographed this AFI postcard thing that I got with a pendant andThe Blood Album at Bestbuy. And then Jade comes out. And at this point I letsome guy borrow the sharpie I brought and I was scared that I wasn’t gonna haveit when Jade came up, but luckily he had his own (it was a gold sharpie aw). Ishake his hand and tell him how much I enjoyed the concert and how much Iappreciate him and the rest of the band and how it wouldn’t be the same withoutthem there. And he goes, “well you’re favorite band is kinda like yourchildren, you gotta love em all equally” and I’m like ha yea, I have sixsiblings tho.. and he’s like, “oh well siblings are a different thing, we allhave a favorite haha”. And then I told them that this was my first AFI show, buthopefully not my last unless you guys break up tomorrow. And he laughs andgoes, “well that is a possibility. Davey just made a really stinky sandwich, sothat might lead into something.” What a funny guy! We take a selfie and then Iask if he could also sign my card. Now this was pretty funny, when I handed himthe card he flipped it over, then he flipped it back over again and lookeda little confused. He goes, “I don’t recognize this at all, where did you getthis??” and I told him and he looks at my pendant and goes “wow you’re the onlyone here that I’ve seen wearing that, cool!” I just thought it was so funnythat he didn’t recognize that card at all. Then Davey came out and he waswearing that really cute black hood thing he’s been wearing a lot ininterviews, and as he walks by these two drunk girls scream demanding apicture. And he was nice about it and goes No pictures, but I’ll be out later.We waited like an hour and half after that and he was a no show, but honestly Ithink he was just drained (he may have came out after we left but I doubt it.)This concert was a real life changing experience. When I got home from theconcert my grandma started yelling at me and I realized; I accomplished one ofmy childhood dreams, so I’m not gonna put up with shit anymore. I feel like amore complete person. I feel like now I really only want to use my energy onthings that are important to me, and getting yelled at for no reason isn’t oneof them. And also since I wasn’t able to get a pic with Hunter or an autograph,and I wasn’t able to get an autograph from Davey (I don’t expect to get a picwith him since I’ve only seen like one pic of him and a fan on this tour) thisjust means I’ll have to go to another AFI concert! I can’t wait! 

[cobwebsaint]

For the band thing: afi

How long have I listened to them? 12 years.... 12 horrible yearsFavourite song: Now The World :,)Least Favourite song: tbh? Above The Bridge it's just.... boring Favourite Album: it's a tie between Black Sails and STSFirst song I’ve heard from them: The Days of the Phoenix Have I ever Seen them in Concert? I AM JUNE 6Any merch I posess: I have 5 shirts, a hoodie, and the blood necklace Favourite recorded concert, If available: I can't find the link but it's that one during CL where Davey's like lying on stage making fun of his own voice cracking cnkdvFavourite Single/Music Video: Silver and Cold!!Favourite Member, current: Uhhhhh Jade Favourite Former member(if available) Whomst/send me a band!!

[1997berserk]

AFI and Partybaby???.

AFI

How long have I listened to them?ooh idk i listened to a few songs for years without like really being a Fan so i guess a while but i only started stanning them in late 2016

Favourite song:no poetic device! honorable mention to brownie bottom sundae

Least Favourite song:something off crash love prol

Favourite Album:mmmmMMMMM three way tie between atasf, black sails, and sts

First song I’ve heard from them:miss murder or silver and cold or something

Have I ever Seen them in Concert?nope but i’m seeing them on the tour with circa in july hmu if ur doing nashville!

Any merch I posess:i’ve got one shirt (and like stuff from side projects but that doesn’t count) and a patch

Favourite recorded concert, If available:idk

Favourite Single/Music Video:was silver and cold a single??? i think

Favourite Member, current:i don’t have one thats like choosing my fav child if all my children were gay and extremely badly behaved

Favourite Former member(if available)geoff 

partybaby

How long have I listened to them?since december 2015!

Favourite song:hey you and your old man and loverbones!

Least Favourite song:honestly don’t have one

Favourite Album:golden age

First song I’ve heard from them:it might have been hey you??? or i don’t wanna wait?

Have I ever Seen them in Concert?yep once

Any merch I posess:i have a denim jacket with the logo and a fuckload of pins and the lifetime vip shit and stickers on almost everything like my car and laptop and i have the logo tattooed which sorta counts as merch ig?

Favourite recorded concert, If available:my videos from when i saw them lol

Favourite Single/Music Video:your old man

Favourite Member, current:i dont have a fav but if i did it would be NOT be jamie because he made fun of me for liking linkin park

Favourite Former member(if available)does austin tirado is december

SEND ME A BAND!

[closeted-goth]

Hello I've just woken up only to be disappointed by the fact that I've had a dream and it wasn't real. Again. I dreamt I was at an AFI concert, they were playing in like, the stock area of a shopping centre. Ya know, "in the back", where they keep all the good shit. The shop peeps had moved all the massive steel shelves and shit out, and put in these colourful light installations and anyway, AFI starts playing, open with God Called in Sick Today, into Aurelia (I know right, what a weird set choice) and oh my god it was the best thing ever. Also also there were only seven other people there. One of them was Beez, my dad was also there (weirdly, as he haaaates anything and I listen to) and everyone else was just like, filler people. Oh but I do remember one of them being the actual store manager, so there's that. But yeah. After the set (which ended with Feed from the Floor and Paper Airplanes) the band walked around thanking everyone, and I got to talk to Hunter, who thanked me for digging the new songs so much, and Davey Havok, and I asked him about merch and he was like, absolutely, and takes one of the posters down from the wall and gives it to me, and gives me a shirt, neither of which he'd let me pay for. And yeah. I left the venue and walked back outside and woke up. And here I am, legitimately disappointed, again, that my dream nonsense was not real. Like legit the first thing I did was WHERES THE POSTER AM I WEARING THE SHIRT PLEASE GOD. And you know I wasn't holding it, and that I'm not wearing the shirt. Uuuuugh why I gotta be teased by my own brain like this.

[throughthegreen]

Formative gig-going years and some Nine Inch Nails rambles

This concert footage (and impressive audio) from 1999 is untouchable. NIN played two nights at Brixton Academy in November that year on a short European tour, and looking back I often think that it’s a ‘regret’ that I didn’t make the effort to go. I was very keen on The Fragile, which had come out a couple of months earlier, but hadn’t given any of their earlier releases any sort of attention apart from the videos on MTV and 1999 was the year I began going to gigs independently (aged 16). Indeed, my first was Ben Folds Five (no laughs here please) in May that year, two nights after Fugazi played in the same room (d’oh - but the appreciation of Fugazi came later and I did see them in ‘02 #digress). A week later I had a very exciting mosh to Static-X, Spineshank and System of a Down, again in the same room - Manchester University’s Main Debating Hall (now Academy 2), and the night after that Soulfly set up on the same stage with Kill II This and Medulla Nocte. Later that year I had a riot stage-diving to ‘A’ and Dog Eat Dog in the Hop and Grape bar (now Academy 3) and then Bloodhoung Gang that same month. These would have been one month prior to the NIN gigs, which I saw advertised in the pages of Kerrang, but I wasn’t ready for it. I can look back at the footage from the Fragility Tours and appreciate it, but at the time most of the experience would have been lost on me. Turns out Reznor was heading down another massive spiral. The following summer they were booked to play the London Docklands Arena as part of the ‘Lost Weekend’ but I wasn’t into that idea. Arena gigs were not for me. Friends of mine were driven down by one of their fathers and when they got there they found that NIN had cancelled their performance. Their excuse was that the drummer was too ill to play, but it came out later that Reznor had had a massive overdose and was hospitalised. After that he went on a lengthy break before the Live: With Teeth gigs.

I went to the two Manchester Apollo gigs in 2005. I was finally ready. I had picked up The Downward Spiral on a Florida holiday in 2001 (when I went to the Warped Tour, got mid-afternoon sunstroke during a heavy mosh to AFI and passed out in a water tent to then miss Pennywise’s set) and was well into With Teeth. I was finally ready. It was July and sweltering. For the first night I had a seated ticket on the balcony and remember very little apart from sweating and fidgeting, waiting for the next night because I knew I had a ticket for downstairs. It was just as hot the following evening and when they opened with ‘Terrible Lie’ I was swallowed up down the front and had a very, very enjoyable evening. I even moved enough to pick up a t-shirt from the merch table.

No Regrets. Ever.