#Ada how many times do I need to say it it’s been 2 MINUTES AND YOU’RE ALREADY— *SIGH* DON’T BE WITH HIMMMM

[coconut530]

SPOTTED 😮🫵

[dumpster-diving-rat]

Rating bsd characters (ADA) based on how likely I think they are to fall asleep on you

(This is mainly while you're in work at the agency, but if you want to think of it as anywhere, do so as you will)

Atsushi Nakajima

5/10

-He gets a little stressed sometimes, with all that fighting it's definitely tiring

-He rests on your shoulder (next to you) and slowly falls asleep

-I think he'd be a pretty heavy sleeper, so if you need to move him, he won't wake up from it

-Stays asleep for around thirty minutes to an hour before waking up

-Barely moves in his sleep, but occasionally shifts his head slightly

-I don't think he'd really make any noise, but he would quietly mumble a few things in his sleep sometimes

Overall he is very easy to deal with when he is asleep, and he doesn't get too many nightmares unless the day has been horrible for him.

Dazai Osamu

7/10

-Anything to get out of work tbh

-Half of the time he's just pretending to sleep

-He just wants the comfort as well as not doing work

-Doesn't really speak the entire time, and his head is resting on your chest (closer to your collarbone)

-Suddenly this is normal behavior for him

-He is a very light sleeper, but depending on how tired he really is, he could be more of a heavy sleeper

-When he is actually asleep instead of pretending, he unfortunately gets a lot of nightmares

-If the nightmares continue on, he may start to silently cry in his sleep

-Just wake him up if he does start crying, or if you think he's having a nightmare

-He speaks sometimes when having nightmares, but if they get worse, he may scream or yell instead of just speaking

-Hugs you tighter in his sleep without realizing, also buries his head into you without realizing as well

-Just hug him back, he'll do a little better, asleep or not

He is not horrible when asleep, unless he gets nightmares, but other than that he just clings to you as if he's afraid of letting you go.

Kunikida Doppo

2/10

-Considers it unprofessional to do so in the workplace

-He does wear himself out sometimes, so he can get slightly more tired than usual

-When you notice he's tired, he tries to say he's fine, but he just isn't the best at lying

-Sighs, and then hugs you, while resting his head on your shoulder (facing towards you)

-Slowly but surely falls asleep

-This rarely happens, and multiple people (mainly Yosano and Dazai) like to tease him for it when it does actually happen

-Wakes up and immediately looks at his ideals to make sure his schedule wasn't messed up

-It wasn't, and he apologized for sleeping on you

-He then gets up to continue his work at the desk

-Internally screaming and madly blushing because of the interaction though

-Slowly calms down, but Dazai and Yosano start teasing him, and now he's more red

-Save this man from Dazai and Yosano I beg

Decent sleeper, but panics slightly when he wakes up, because he didn't realize he was falling asleep in the first place. He ever so slightly clings onto you in a hug while sleeping as well.

Ranpo Edogawa

8/10

-He didn't have any cases left at the moment, and felt bored

-So naturally he goes up to where you are, and rests his head on your lap

-He gets cozy, and falls asleep

-Is a very heavy sleeper, so good luck trying to wake him up if you need to

-Doesn't speak in his sleep, but does rest comfortably

-All you can really hear from him is his breathing

-Only wakes up when Kunikida has to yell at him to wake up and get back to work

Very heavy sleeper, but is still very calm and nothing really disturbs his sleep (unless a yelling Kunikida appears)

Yosano Akiko (Potentially OOC)

5/10

-Being a doctor is hard sometimes, honestly

-Although she mainly goes shopping after a stressful time, sometimes she takes a break in different ways

-That is, by resting her head on your lap, and closing her eyes, sighing calmly (occasionally, she sleeps on your chest, with her head turned to listen to your heartbeat, which calms her)

-She does sometimes request for you to run your hands through her hair

-She's a pretty light sleeper, but doesn't wake up extremely fast

-The only thing that could disturb her sleep is the time she was 11, with Mori there

-She wakes up slightly stressed after those dreams

-If you play with her hair, and talk to her quietly about how she's okay, and you're right there with her, she'll calm down slowly

-Will ask to just hold you hand, while she starts to inspect for injuries anywhere on your arm and hand

-It's oddly therapeutic for her to check for injuries on people, mainly ones she cares for though

While her past can haunt her dreams sometimes, it's actually somewhat rare, but you making an effort to calm her down really helps her more.

Junichiro Tanizaki (Potentially OOC)

3/10

-He rests his head on your shoulder and falls asleep

-It doesn't take him too long to fall asleep

-He's a light sleeper, and sleeps comfortably

-He wakes up after around half an hour

-Quickly apologizes for accidentally falling asleep

-Him falling asleep on you happens very rarely

-He does move on with his day afterwards, but is still a bit embarrassed about what happened

-Que Naomi teasing him, because she witnessed the whole thing, and took pictures

-Covering face with sleeves, he can't handle the embarrassment of the pictures

He's okay while asleep, but he's very embarrassed about it when he wakes up. Maybe it's best to not mention it to him in the future

Naomi Tanizaki (Potentially OOC)

2/10

-I doubt she'd ever sleep on you, but just like her brother, she'd also fall asleep on your shoulder

-She'd also be hugging you while asleep (one arm around your shoulder, the other around your waist, she was facing towards you)

-She is a light sleeper, and is also sleeping comfortably

-She does not speak that much in her sleep, but she does mumble sometimes

-After waking up, she continues to stay hugging you

-She will get up to continue working eventually, but for now, she's hugging you

She's a peaceful sleeper, but does like to hug and cuddle you as she sleeps.

Fukuzawa Yukichi (Might be somewhat OOC)

2/10

-He's got a lot of work, and can not just fall asleep as the president of the ADA

-However, instead of sleeping on you at the agency, there are a few times he sleeps on you at home

-He rests his head on your lap, slowly falling asleep

-He is a light sleeper, and if you were to say his name once, he would immediately wake up

-He sleeps peacefully, and feels comforted by you just being there

-If you run your fingers through his hair, it just makes him all the more peaceful

-He doesn't speak in his sleep, and barely moves in his sleep as well

-Your presence comforts him as he sleeps, and he knows you're safe in that moment because you're there

He hasn't really fallen asleep while at the agency, but when it's just you two at your house, he's does sleep.

Kenji Miyazawa (Potentially OOC. Also, everything to do with him is platonic, the most you do is just hold hands and hug, I will be adding this to practically everything he's in, just for clarification. The meaning of platonic for those who don't know is, "of love or friendship, intimate and affectionate but not sexual.")

8/10

-He gets tired after eating, so it wouldn't be surprising for him to be sleeping next to you

-Falls asleep while resting his head on your shoulder

-He is a very heavy sleeper, yet sleeps comfortably and peacefully

-He barely moves, and mumbles very quietly

-Can sleep for hours at a time, so you might have to move him

-If you do move him, that's fine, he won't wake up anyways

-He wakes up after a long time, and will mention, with a smile on his face, that it was very comfortable to sleep on your shoulder

The heaviest sleeper on the list, and definitely would not wake up even if you were loud.

Kyoka Izumi (Might be OOC. Also, just like Kenji, this is strictly platonic, the most you guys do is hug and hold hands, nothing more. I will be mentioning this to practically every post with her, for clarification. Again, platonic means "of love or friendship, intimate and affectionate but not sexual" for those who don't know)

2/10

-I feel like she'd stay awake around everyone, unless she's really comfortable around them

-As she got closer to you, she felt herself slowly get tired around you, feeling a sense of comfort

-She would rest her head on your shoulder, and fall asleep quickly

-She's a light sleeper, makes no noise in her sleep, and doesn't move around either

-She finds it easier to sleep around you, but mainly when you two aren't near many people

-If there's multiple people around, she struggles to fall asleep, unless she's comfortable enough around them too

-When she wakes up she doesn't pay attention to what happened, she just gets back up and does her work

-She appreciates you letting her sleep on your shoulder

Sometimes Demon Snow likes to be next to Kyoka as she sleeps, so don't freak out if you just see Demon Snow there.

Okay I'm thinking about just turning on my ask box bc I'm getting bored not figuring it out lmao. Also for requests if there will be any, do not ask for incest, non-con, dub-con, or NSFW things please. I don't necessarily write fics, it's mainly headcanons, or stuff more in the format of headcanons. Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! ♡

Okay editing this like a minute later, but I turned on my ask box. Don't know what to do with it, but I'm just hoping I figure it out soon enough

[sapphire-weapon]

your post about re9 not having to be a direct sequel of village made me open my eyes because I was part of the “the ending of village means we’re gonna get resolution about BSAA corruption in re9” crowd but then again it’s as ridiculous as me saying “We need to know what happened to Ashley and Leon in 2005 and then getting… re5, or “They HAVE to show us what happened to Jill in re4”

never ever EVER forget:

Leon in the ending of RE2 OG: "It's up to us to take down Umbrella."

Jill in the ending of RE3 OG: "That's it. I've had it. This time, [Umbrella's] gone too far."

Chris in the ending of CVX: "We've gotta destroy Umbrella. Now. Let's finish this once and for all."

...

Leon in the intro of RE4 OG: "The United States government ordered an indefinite suspension of business decree to Umbrella. Soon after, its stock prices crashed -- and for all intents and purposes, Umbrella was finished. Six years have passed since that horrendous incident..."

I'M SORRY UMBRELLA WAS WHAT???????????????? OFF SCREEN???????????? HOW MANY YEARS AGO??????????????

this whole "they spent two whole games setting this up!" thing is hysterical to me. two games? JUST TWO?

TRY FIVE

FIVE MAINLINE TITLES

0, 1, 2, 3, CVX

ALL LEADING UP TO A SHOWDOWN WITH UMBRELLA THAT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED

and of course there's internal development reasons why that ended up happening, mostly involving shinji mikami directing RE4 with his neck in a guillotine, but.

RE4 to RE5 is another great example. the only thing that connects RE4 to RE5 is monster lore. they could have absolutely made a direct sequel to 4 thanks to ada's actions in the ending, but instead capcom went "ok but like what if we tried to do a horror game set in daylight and chris redfield punched a boulder inside of a volcano, tho."

ada sending wesker a fake sample? never mattered. her getting her hands on the sample at all? never came back up again.

it still hasn't come up again. it never will come up again. just like how claire's dormant virus will never come up again. just like how jake will never return despite being the focal point of a lot of lore in 6.

capcom does not give a single fucking fuck about continuity. that is not what this series is about. it hasn't been about that ever since 4 said "fuck umbrella actually."

village was originally developed as a spin-off game that was very clearly just a beta test for a lot of ideas they wanted to execute in RE4make. it became RE8 at the last minute when it was clear that RE9 (which was originally supposed to be RE8) was going to take a lot longer in dev than expected.

and that's another thing, too. RE9 can't be based off of what happened in RE8 because they were being developed concurrently and RE9 was originally supposed to be RE8 to begin with. the stories aren't connected. it won't matter.

gah i'm glad you got it anon because i just wanna shake some people.

[redwineconversation]

there's a whole day between us and you called to say you're sorry in your own way (Lyon - Benfica Pregame Thoughts)

There's a few things to keep in mind for this game, so let's chat about them.

Does playing at Groupama really give Lyon a home advantage?

Answer: Not really. Lyon's record at Groupama under Sonia Bompastor is actually pretty bad. The only real standout performance was the win against PSG in November 2021 and, if you're feeling generous, the win against Juventus in March 2022. The rest of Lyon's performances at Groupama under Bompastor have been mediocre at best, especially this season.

And that's kind of an issue, because Lyon typically plays the big games at Groupama Stadium. In the old days, Lyon lived for that kind of shit. Big players show up in big games and Lyon thrived under that kind of pressure. With Bompastor, not so much. As I said, the performances at Groupama Stadium have been lackluster at best. The killer instinct Lyon prided itself on for so many years has disappeared under Bompastor, and I'm not super convinced it will be back tomorrow.

2. Lost: Ada Hegerberg

Look, I've said it before and I'll say it again, Lyon is better when Hegerberg is on the team. That's the main reason I want her to extend. She makes the team better. Her hatred of losing is so, so pure. A hatred of losing cannot be taught, either it was always in you or it wasn't. Lyon is better when Hegerberg is around for that alone.

But I am super sympathetic to the flip side of the argument: is Lyon really better for it this season without Hegerberg, considering the number of clear chances she has missed? My argument is: no. Lyon needs her if only because her presence draws two or three defenders towards her, which provides space for any forward whom isn't Melvine Malard or Vicki Becho.

Having Renard back is a bonus because like with Hegerberg, the thought of losing makes her visibly uncomfortable. But she is not ready to play 90 minutes, much less 45, so I don't know how much she can grab Lyon by the scruff of the neck and haul them over the finish line.

3. Found: Jessica Silva

It shows how many people are blatantly post-Euros / post-WC fans when they don't get why Jessica Silva is a player one should take very, very seriously.

She's a good player. It wasn't so much a situation of "Lyon made a mistake in letting her go" simply because she didn't fit into Lyon's style of play at the time. But she is still a good player. She's fast and she's technical. To pretend that Benfica is not better for it by having her on the team sheet demonstrates a shocking lack of historical knowledge.

It matters, too, because Silva will want to prove she is The One That Got Away for Lyon. She played lights out in the 4-4 draw against Barcelona. Imagine what she will do to the team she views let her get away?

[rpd-rookie]

The One Who Runs Away, The One Who Runs Back (Leon S. Kennedy x Reader)

Author’s note: This is a sequel to “A PAST WITH HER, A FUTURE WITH YOU” and the end of my three-parts fan fiction "I TRUSTED YOU WITH MY HEART" I decided to write after so many of you asked for it. Sorry it took so long but I was navigating from one fandom to another. (BTW, if there are any Devil May Cry fans up here, you can read my DMC fan fictions here) PS: Even if I said it before, I have no hate whatsoever towards Ada or Aeon.

Tagged: Angst, Fluff, Romance, Post-Break up, Sexual Content 

Part 1 / Part 2

***

Do you remember? We started this story by quoting some sitcom character that was clueless about love. Well, here’s a suggestion. Why not ending it by quoting someone who knew a little more on such matter.

William Shakespeare - you know that English dude expert on tragic ‘drink this poison, stab yourself’ kind of love - apparently once said ‘Love runs away from those chasing her, and those who run away, she throws herself on his neck’. I say ‘apparently’ cause, even though I have a master in English lit, this quote is from the internet, and also … who knows what the guy truly said?

But it’s the quote that’s important. Not the author. The quote it’s important because it sums up perfectly how this story is gonna end. However, before starting, let me tell you this quote is going to be the only Shakespeare-worthy sentence in this final chapter. You’ve been warned.

Love runs away from those chasing her.          Well, this part was definitely written for someone like Ada Wong. Owner of countless gold medals and possibly a world record at this point, that woman is basically the Usain Bolt of the ‘Running from Leon S. Kennedy’ competition. Unchallenged winner since the creation of this sultry version of cat and mouse game, it’s better not to think about the number of times she successfully ran away from her favourite agent.  But this year, this formidable titleholder in a gorgeous red dress will have to face her Nemesis in the championship. You. Though the comparison to the hideous bio-organic killing machine might not be very complimentary to you but you get the idea.  This year you enter the Kennedy Olympics. And this year you run like Sonic the Hedgehog and you win the damn competition (screw you Usain Bold!). And you do this with your head high and without an ounce of regret. Ignore all the texts and flowers Leon might send on your track Mario Kart style. His gifts are not as slippery as banana peels and they can easily be dodged, I promise. Well, most of the time, when you’re not lying on your bed in the middle of the night crying and sobbing while reading his messages or playing his voice in your voicemail again and again until you’re nothing more but a giant mess with puffy red eyes drowning in a puddle of your own tears.        Screw those messages too! And screw his broken yet terribly sexy voice as well!

Being a man of word, Leon kept his promise. And for months you kept on running peacefully, marathoning away from this past relationship that had destroyed you like no other before while tranquilly fixing your broken heart on the way. That run was a good cardio.

But sometimes, cardio is not enough, and even just the small sight of an overpriced whisky bottle or the smell of Leon’s perfume on some guy’s clothes is enough to reopen your wounds.           And when it happens, you always do the same thing, you break the damn bottle - and run cause damn! it’s expensive! -  or you tell the guy his perfume smells like cheap cologne and that he should definitely change it, which is an improvement on your past destructive behaviour, since there was a time shortly after the break up when you would have simply dragged the guy to your place to let him fuck you senseless while imagining he was Leon. All that just for the illusion to feel him again and for the sake to kick him out the next morning, screaming like a hysterical psycho.

So imagine, for a small second, the wave of intense feelings surging out of your healing heart when, in the middle of a cafe, you hear some dude sitting behind you ordering Leon’s favourite whisky while wearing the same bloody perfume. “It’s got to be relentless persecution at that point!” You sigh, already annoyed, closing your book more violently than intended. Hope you’re ready, stranger! Because you’re not in the mood to deal with this right now.            You turn around with a fake smile that reflects perfectly your irritation, ready to give him hell, your sharpest riposte already burning your tongue. After all, he deserves it and you can’t help it.         But when you meet familiar – and freaking gorgeous - baby blue eyes you freeze and stare, suddenly confused and lost and refusing to believe that in spite of the intense running, love just jumped at your neck after all and it was sitting there, taking the shape of Leon S(tupid) Kennedy.

You should have stood up and left, run for your life, run for your heart. And yet, you didn’t.    You stayed there staring at him looking at you, allowing all your memories, the good ones and the bad ones, all your buried feelings to come back from the dead, embracing them as if you had missed them, which, let’s be honest, you probably had.            You tried to scream to yourself “Come on, Y/N! Shake a leg!” but it seemed that what you brain understood was something like “Cum on him! Open your legs!” as a couple of blurry hours later, you were on Leon’s bed, legs wide open, screaming his name and begging him not to stop his amazing thrusts.

Six months, you ran for six months … Well, looks like the run ends here and now. After a minute-long deep stare, an afternoon of amazing sex and two hours long of something blurry in between.

“I missed you.” And there you were! The moment all couples that broke up have after one of them (in this case Leon with the infamous ‘I missed you line’) starts to believe they miraculously rekindled their love. The fatal post-coital cuddling session that you don’t know how to react to, as you think of all the possibilities before you.      Possibility Number 1) You tell Leon you missed him too and cuddle, enjoying that embrace you secretly yearned for months. But that includes forgetting what he has done or pretending that nothing happened.     Possibility Number 2) You push him away, get dressed, leave again and act as if this afternoon never happened. But if Leon doesn’t remind you of it, the ache between your legs will, that’s for sure!   Possibility Number 3) You jump him again until you sore even more and hope that you’ll be able to leave afterwards.         Frankly, all possibilities suck because, in all cases, it seems like you lose. Since,       with Possibility Number 1) you lose the run forever, with Possibility Number 2) you lose him again and with Possibility Number 3) well it’s result 1 or 2 + your body aching like crazy for days. I suck at math but no need to be Einstein to know the result of this calculation looks unpleasant.    So what do you choose?

You see a triangular dice rolling in your head, showing a never-ending succession of 1, 2 and 3 that doesn’t make any sense and that confuse you even more than you already are. 1, 2, 3, 2, 1, 3, 2 ! Oh for fuck’s sake!

You grimace, angry and pissed at Leon and probably even more at yourself, and finally leaves his bed and his strong warm arms, feeling the tears furiously forming in your eyes. “I can’t” You can’t look at him in the eyes. You don’t want to see his confusion, don’t want to see his pain as he witnesses all his hopes shatter to pieces.         “ What do you mean?” You can hear the sheets crease behind you, alerting you of Leon’s agitation, so you hurry and pick up all your clothes scattered in his room. You must leave, now. 2! 2 it is!  “This! All This! This afternoon never happened.” You tell him, putting on your clothes with sudden clumsy and trembling hands, not caring if your bra is correctly hooked or if you put your shirt on back to front. Your heart. You have to think of your poor heart first.          “Hey, hey, hey.” You feel Leon’s hand softly grabbing your arms and you let go of whatever you were holding right now. His voice is sweet and trying to be comforting. Don’t look at him Y/N! Don’t look at him! “Look at me.” You do. Damn it! And you see his gorgeous blue eyes staring at you, studying your flustered face and the tears slowly drowning your (colour) look. You missed those eyes. You missed them so.damn.much ! As much as you missed his hands cupping your face and his thumbs wiping up your tears. God! How many tears those thumbs have missed recently. “It’s alright.”

You want to believe him. You really do. But there is this voice screaming in your head and very clearly this time. A voice shouting, forcing you to remember that night, that awful nightmarish night, the one when you felt your heart break and your dreams turn to ashes. All that because of him and his obsession for her.

“No, it’s not alright, Leon.” You shake your head and miraculously manage to take a small step back. You never thought you could. But you had to. You can’t stay close to him. You can’t let him touch you, feel you. Not if you want to run away. And you have to run away. Like her! Like Ada. Ada! “I told you. For as long as you have feelings for Ada, I can’t … we can’t…”     “Please don’t talk about her.” He begs and rubs his hand over his face. Is he trying to chase her away from his mind? Is she still in here? Please, let her not be in here.    “But she’s the reason we’re in this situation now. She’s the reason why we’re in this mess.” You insist only for the sake to see his reaction when you mention Ada, to see if she’s still under his skin, somewhere. “Ada is not the reason. I am!” Leon corrects you, a finger directed at his heavy chest as he is putting the full blame on himself for the first time since that night. “I am the one who went after Ada when I shouldn’t have! I am the reason why we broke up! I am the reason why we are so miserable!”         “But I was fine!” You shouted back in an attempt to show him he was wrong refusing to listen to that part of you who knew he was completely right. You were miserable without him. “I was doing fine until you came back and fucked everything up! I was healing goddamnit!”             You felt new tears rolling along your red cheeks and quickly wipe them off with the back of your hand that felt so callous and rough in comparison to Leon’s gentle touch. “You can’t just jump back into my life like this and expect me to forget!”

Leon nods, agreeing with you in a certain way. But the truth is, he doesn’t want you to forget. He doesn’t expect you to erase his mistake. He just wants you to forgive him … No, he just wants you to come back to him. Period. And that’s got to be what you want to. It has to!   “So why did you have sex with me, huh?” He finally asks even though he already knows your answer. “Tell me!” You’re not the kind of person who has meaningless sex, not the kind of person who worships one’s body with divine kisses and devoted caresses if they mean nothing. “Why did you have sex with me?” And yet the answer he wishes to hear doesn’t come out. “For fuck’s sake Y/N! Answer me! Why?” He shouts making you shiver and cry even more.    “Because I LOVE YOU!” You finally scream. And it hurts. It hurts but it feels good too. Like a weight lifted off your chest. “Because I missed you too! Because those months without you have been terrible! Because I don’t know how to handle even just the thought of you or the sound of your voice in my voicemail. Because each time I see something that makes me think of you, I’m a mess and I do things that normal me would never do! You fucked me up, Leon! You fucked me up but I love you! And I hate to love you!” You grunt in pain and relief, enraged but happy that you finally let everything out. And Leon listens in silence, frozen by your powerful honest confession. But he doesn’t know how to react. He doesn’t know what to say. Part of him is overjoyed, ecstatic that you still love him but there is another part that just feels terrible, sorry for the pain your love for him caused you even in his absence.   “But you see—“ You continue “That’s the problem in our relationship, Leon! I love you in ways that are so intense, that go beyond sanity. And you love me by half.”    You see him crumple, his horrified face looking suddenly very pale as if he had just heard some dreadful news. Is that really how you feel? Is that how you see his love for you? Is that what he has made you believe?         “Goodbye Leon.”

With the full intention to leave Leon’s place for good and never come back, you grab you bag on your way out of the bedroom while carelessly shoving your underwear inside of it since you forgot to put them on in the midst of panic and precipitation. Get out of here, Y/N! Now! A reasonable voice encourages you. Listen to me!    But this not what Leon wants.

“I never loved you by half.” He declares and you abruptly stop, asking God if he’s some kind of sadist that loves seeing you in pain from the comfort of his divine sofa somewhere in heaven. “Never.” But it’s not God and his sadism that makes you turn around. It’s you, and your masochist love for that blue-eyed man before you.     “I don’t believe you” Your voice almost doesn’t leave your throat as you try not to sob.           “But it’s the truth.” He says with a calm soothing voice as he slowly approaches you. “I never imagined my future with Ada. I never wished to grow old with her or build a home with her.” You want to tell Leon to stop talking, to stay where he is but your body doesn’t seem to respond. And when you feel him grabbing your hands in his and the comforting warmth that goes with that simple touch, you know that leaving is now an almost impossible task. “Yes. I admit it. My feelings for her were real.” Even when his honesty hurts you, you don’t know how to leave anymore. “But they were nothing in comparison to what I feel for you.”     You try to let go, pulling your hands away from his loving grip but he holds you back. And you’re not strong enough. Or maybe, you just don’t want to be strong. Everything is so confusing. Everything is tearing you apart.     “But they’re still here, aren’t they?” You question, hoping his answer might give you a clue, might give you the strength to make the correct decision. Do you leave? Or do you stay? “And they’ll keep coming back each she goes back into your life. You can’t let go of her.”    “You’re maybe right.” His words hurt you more than you thought they would. They hurt like hell because you realise there are not the ones you wanted to hear. You wanted to hear him say that he would let go of Ada, for good, for you. You wanted to hear that because deep down … YOU WANTED TO FUCKING STAY! “But can you let go of your past?” He continues and you shake your head refusing to hear any other word coming out of Leon’s mouth.       “Don’t!” You beg, weary.           “No! Listen to me this time. Ada is my past, Y/N. She’s my past. And you … you’re my future. You’re my life, damn it!” He doesn’t cry but you don’t need his tears to sense how emotional and how honest he is. And suddenly, you just want to listen to him. “And I was a fool not to see it sooner. When you left me, I felt a void I had never felt in my entire life. I felt like a part of me was missing. And then, the bombing in Washington happened, and it was like I had nothing left. I needed you. I wanted you. You. Not Ada.”      “Leon” You whisper and he cups your face again, blue eyes staring deep into yours, allowing you to see everything in him, his strong love for you and all the weaknesses he hated to admit. “It was you in my mind. Only you. And it will always be you. Because I love you. Now. Today. And I will always love you.”

You cry even more, uncertain if those tears are tears of sorrow, tears of joy or a mix of both. God, how can your emotions be such a mess right now? How can you be wishing to shout at him with all the anger you’ve accumulated and, at the same time, willing to kiss him with all love you’ve got?

“If you got to believe something. Believe that. And if that’s not enough and you think you can be happy with someone else. Then go. I won’t hold you back.” You frown. He is fucking lying. You’re sure of it. “You can’t stop running after me and you know it.” He smiles and scoffs, sensing that hint of sudden defiance in your tone he enjoys a lot.  “True. I can’t sop running after you. But I’ll do my best not to catch you if that’s what you want. But you got to tell me. Is that what you truly want?” You don’t reply. Truth is, you’re not sure what to say not because you’re not sure that’s what you want but because you’re not sure you can trust him if you let him in again.                        “No.” You whisper. “No, that’s not what I want. I want you. All of you.” You can see Leon struggle to contain his growing joy as it starts to glimmer brighter and brighter in his irises. He doesn’t want to cry victory just yet. He is cautious and rightfully so. “But can I?”        “Want me?” He smiles. “ Have you completely?” You correct, searching for a promise in his eyes, one you hope, you wish he would not break this time.     “Trust me with your heart again and find out.”

This better not hurt this time…

[along-came-atsushi]

The way Dazai protects Atsushi

When we imagine someone who is protective, mostly it is a person who bursts into a fit of rage or someone who heroically and willingly throws away their own life if it means to protect others. A good example for this would be Kunikida’s actions on several occasions. Dazai is less a person to obviously show rage or to heroically throw himself in front of someone.

Which doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care at all, it’s quite the contrary. And it’s sometimes very subtle and tricky, because he always has plans within plans and tries to achieve several goals with a single plan.

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I will only focus here on Dazai’s actions that solely have to do with Atsushi. I’m not going to bring up every single hidden agenda or goal Dazai is also trying to achieve.

In addition, this post has been tagged as #Dazatsu just to be safe. But of course it can be read from a platonic POV.

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Beware: Spoilers starting from chapter 83 and for 55 Minutes!

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How Dazai gets Atsushi into the ADA

Dazai practically tricked and then it may seem like he pressured Atsushi into joining the ADA, even after Atsushi already said that he doesn’t want to join:

The reason for Atsushi’s refusal was not that he didn’t want to join, because he just simply didn’t want to join. But because he lacks the self-confidence in taking a task like this. He doesn’t believe in himself and his abilities and thinks he isn’t fit for the job. This lack of self-confidence together with the fact that Atsushi constantly gets pushed by either people around him or his circumstances to keep relying on himself rather than others runs like a red string through his story.

Dazai on the other hand sees a great potential in Atsushi. In the moment where Atsushi saved him from drowning, he already planned to team him up with Akutagawa. Not only because of their abilities and their compatibility in battle. But because Atsushi would be the person to “teach Akutagawa how to put that sword away”. In other words: to value life. Which is something that Dazai wasn’t able to teach Akutagawa (I covered this in another meta and won’t explain it here any further).

Another reason is that the things Dazai states above are simply the truth: If Atsushi doesn’t join, then there is nothing the ADA can do to help him (or it would be much harder and complicated for them). He needs to do everything a normal adult in society has to do, which is harder for Atsushi than other people, since he has been abruptly kicked out of his orphanage without any further help or assistance. Not to mention that he is perceived as a monster and not in control of his own ability, and therefore a wanted criminal and dangerous ability user. This could lead Atsushi in either getting killed or falling into the hands of other shady organizations who have far worse intentions for him. Saying the above is less Dazai trying to manipulate Atsushi and more him just telling what would happen and to be realistic.

Having Atsushi join the ADA for Dazai does not only help Atsushi to live a safer life and make it easier for Dazai to keep an eye out for him, but also to give Atsushi the chance to safe other people in the progress.

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The Entrance Exam

Since Atsushi refused there was no way for Dazai to have him join the ADA the easy way and then only later testing if he really was worthy of being a true member. Just like it has been the case with Dazai’s entrance exam (Dazai freely joined the ADA after being recommended and was perceived as a new member immediately. Only during his first case with Kunikida was he secretly being tested of being worthy, which he succeeded). Therefore, a plan under a pretext was needed in order to test Atsushi and convince him to join.

During the ADA’s meeting for planning Atsushi’s entrance exam (which is told in the first part of the ‘Untold Story of the ADA’ novel) Dazai anticipated that Atsushi would either convince the bomber (played by Tanizaki) or somehow defuse the bomb himself. Neither of his predictions happened, instead Atsushi was willing to sacrifice himself so that he could protect others. This selfless action honestly surprised Dazai, which not many people are able to achieve, because he always predicts their actions:

Since it’s been hinted by Dazai that he already lost other people close to him in his life, even before Ango’s betrayal and Odasaku’s death, Atsushi’s action probably could’ve served as a trigger for him. He had to realize that there is a possibility that Atsushi would sacrifice himself to protect others. Especially since he doesn’t deem his own life as worthy and has been told many times to be useless and to “just die in a ditch somewhere.”

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“Stalking” Higuchi

Dazai immediately recognized Higuchi to be a PM member and that she’s contacting the ADA under disguise for ulterior motives. The scene with Higuchi is a good example that Dazai does many things which either annoys other people (flirting with her) or are seen as him just being lazy and/or fooling around (listening to music and singing), while in reality he is already following a hidden plan.

Flirting with Higuchi distracts her and everyone else from Dazai slipping a wiretap in her jacket. It helps him to let everyone just act naturally without the possibility of revealing anything by accident. Furthermore, it makes people underestimate Dazai, because for everyone else he was just fooling around.

Due to the reason that the PM contacted the ADA under disguise as soon as Atsushi was their new member could have been already suspicious for Dazai, suspecting that it has something to do with Atsushi and was not just a regular attack on the ADA. Later on, this gets confirmed when it’s been stated that The Guild set a bounty on Atsushi for some reason.

.

Is Dazai following Atsushi around?

When Atsushi accompanies Ranpo on his murder case Dazai surprisingly shows up:

This meeting could be just a coincidence, of course. After all it’s just Dazai fooling around again (or in this case, trying to commit suicide again). But since the case with Higuchi has shown that Dazai loves to pretend to do something else, when he in reality is following a hidden agenda, it might be that he showed up there on purpose. Maybe just to see how Atsushi was faring and to eventually intervene if something serious would happen (like he did when Atsushi and Akutagawa were fighting for the first time). Especially with the PM on Atsushi’s tail now.

In chapter 84 it has been revealed that Dazai indeed does have an eye on Atsushi. When he can’t do that himself anymore, he makes sure to ask Akutagawa to keep an eye on him instead:

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Going far for Atsushi’s sake

After getting to know about the bounty, Dazai lets himself get captured by the PM on purpose, without informing any other ADA members, and stays inside the prison until seemingly a right time draws near. He is willing to do this, even though he knows full well that he is perceived as a traitor and that certain people will not welcome him with open arms.

When Chuuya mentions that he suspects that Dazai must be here for a certain reason, Dazai then states that he does all of this mostly for Atsushi. He even goes so far as to provoke a second punch in the face from Akutagawa, by belittling him in saying that Atsushi is a better subordinate than him, after Akutagawa threatens to kill Atsushi.

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Probably the most visible scene where Dazai openly shows anger and shock towards someone hurting Atsushi (or hurting someone he cares about in general) is during the incident with Q:

He doesn’t act like this again the second time when Atsushi brings him the doll to nullify Q’s ability, even though the whole city is in chaos. He’s also less concerned about Naomi and Haruno in that moment and more focused on Atsushi during this. Which doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care at all for others, knowing that Naomi and Haruno are able to handle their situation (which is confirmed by them later). But it also shows that Atsushi is his main priority.

Throughout the story Atsushi slowly notices this himself. At first he is hesitant to believe that he is Dazai’s “most trusted subordinate” and worries that Dazai might be mad with him should he go overboard with something (e.g. during 55 Minutes when he was able to surprise Dazai who was hiding in the trash can).

He only ever claims to have Dazai’s trust, if it means to provoke Akutagawa (which he does for a different reason, but I’m not going to expand on this here). Later, he even wonders how Dazai would react/look if Akutagawa came back with the news of him having died: 

Which means that Atsushi’s former mentality of people not caring should he die gets replaced by having someone actually be mad/sad about this.

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Hiding his “dark side”

It may not be that visible in the anime, since some scenes are either left out or interpreted for the sake of jokes. But the manga makes it clear that Dazai struggles with guilt because of his own past (e.g. when Atsushi asks the other ADA members what they’ve done before joining the ADA, aside from everyone else Dazai looks away. This suggests that this question and the closely related memories of it are uncomfortable for him. Another example is his reaction when he asks Kyouka how many people she has killed).

Dazai is well aware that he can’t hide his past from Atsushi forever and that he sooner or later will find out. This is then almost immediately revealed to him by Akutagawa.

However Dazai still tries to hide his “dark side” from Atsushi. Apparently, he doesn’t want him to see that he’s capable of being cruel or that Atsushi may become too aware of anything that could reveal more of Dazai’s past and the things he has done. During certain situations Dazai purposefully doesn’t let Atsushi go or stay with him:

1.) When he pushed Atsushi out of the room to “interrogate” Kouyou:

2.) When he pretended to need to use the bathroom, because he knew they were being followed:

3.) When he meets Ango:

(Even Kouyou comments on how Dazai lets Atsushi out of certain business.)

The reasons for this may be that he’s afraid to reveal this “dark side” of him to Atsushi and that he doesn’t want to drag him into the business of the underworld. It could also be that he’s afraid that Atsushi might see him in a different light and that he’ll turn deprecating towards him. As of now Atsushi doesn’t know the full extent of Dazai’s past and actions. But due the fact that he’s aware that Dazai was a former PM member (an executive even), he must also be aware that some answers will be frightening. Furthermore, he must also already have some ideas about Dazai’s past.

Throughout the story Atsushi has been shown to be sympathetic with different characters, trying to understand their actions or the reason that drives them. Even when these characters fought against or tried to kill him in the past (Kyouka, Lucy, Akutagawa, Fitzgerald, Sigma). Therefore, I doubt that Atsushi will see Dazai in a different/negative light, should his past be fully revealed. But this is something Dazai may not anticipate, since he doesn’t see himself as a good person and as someone worthy of redemption.

 .

Dazai believes in Atsushi

Dazai has an overwhelming believe in Atsushi and his abilities. He reassures and compliments him from the very beginning:

“Nice, Atsushi. You’re like a real detective already! It’s such a joy to see you grow up so fast!” [After being send back in time] “Ha-ha-ha! I never thought you’d be able to scare me like that! You’ve grown Atsushi!” – 55 Minutes

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“Oooh!” Dazai squealed in excitement. “Look at you, Atsushi! Impressive!” – 55 Minutes

Contrary to Atsushi, who struggles to acknowledge his own self-worth and has little to no faith in his own abilities.

This is the reason why Dazai sometimes pushes Atsushi (not only literally but also figuratively) to do things on his own, whenever he realizes that Atsushi is hesitating. He’s throwing him in at the deep, in order for Atsushi to learn more self-confidence:

He sends him on several missions alone (e.g. sneaking into the Moby Dick) or with other people (e.g. Akutagawa), because he knows that Atsushi is able to do this, even without him:

“[…] It’s up to you to prove the detective agency’s innocence and set us free. You can do it, right?” Atsushi knew – Dazai only asked people if they could do it when he was certain they could. – 55 Minutes

Atsushi’s actions get firmly planned into Dazai’s predictions, knowing that he will choose the right decision:

This great believe in Atsushi gets also noticed by other people (e.g. Mark Twain and Akutagawa):

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In return

Dazai’s positive influence on Atsushi also has a positive effect on his psyche: The headmaster’s voice and image inside his mind – the person who always drags him down, tells him to be useless and that he will “not make it” – slowly gets replaced by Dazai’s voice and image – the person who cheers him up and tells him to believe in himself:

It’s no doubt that Dazai was the person who helped Atsushi to live a better life and he is perceived as “the man who saved me” by Atsushi himself. For this reason and his self-confidence Atsushi admires Dazai and is grateful to him.

But on the other hand, Atsushi was also willing to save Dazai despite his dire situation. Not only does Atsushi put Dazai on a pedestal, it is also Dazai who puts Atsushi on a pedestal and who sees him as the person able to help, protect and maybe even change others.

[infjsnightmare]

How You Met: ADA Style

This is a dumb little bsd drabble for readerxADA in how you met + their first words to you. If people like this, I might do it for the port mafia, guild and other characters as well, so let me know if that is something you're interested in! I also debated whether or not to include kenji, naomi and kyouka since they are not 18, but since it is just fluffiness, I thought it should be okay.

Dazai: You were in a rush, late for work. Your arms were full as you scurried through the crowded street and into the crosswalk. Except the light for pedestrians was red. A bandaged hand quickly grabbed your arm and pulled you into a firm chest as brown eyes stared down at you. A wide smile spread on the man's face.

"A beauty like yourself commiting suicide alone would be a crime."

Atsushi: You were starting your first day at your first job waiting tables for the cafe below the ADA. You were in the middle of pouring a cup of coffee when you heard the chime of the door. You turned to say welcome, except you didn't bring the cup with you, instead pouring coffee straight from the pot all over the floor. The pale young man had a split second of shock before grabbing some napkins to clean the floor. A tinge of pink dusted his cheeks as he knelt down.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry if I startled you!"

Kunikida: You saw a young girl trying to get her cat out of the tree with tears in her eyes and had rashly volunteered to help. Getting into the tree and securing the cat wasn't the problem- it was getting back down. You carefully shifted your feet back towards the trunk of the tree, holding the cat with one arm and reaching for a branch with the other. Suddenly, your left foot slipped off the tree and you quickly held the cat with both arms to protect it from the fall. You closed your eyes bracing for impact only to feel a pair of strong arms holding you. Opening your eyes, you were met with sharp green eyes set behind a pair of glasses.

"You should be far more careful! I'm at least 2 minutes behind schedule now."

Junichiro: You were studying late in the public library, but you could already feel the heavy droop of your eyelids. You lowered your head onto your book and felt sleep slowly overtake you. You slept soundly, an occasional soft snore escaping you lips until you felt a gentle tapping on your shoulder. You looked up seeing a friendly smile as the young man chuckled next to you.

"The library is about to close and I don't think you'll be able to study through osmosis with your textbook."

Naomi: You entered your new school as inconspicuously as possible. You didn't want to transfer schools for your final year of high school, but it wasn't your choice after all. You found your shoe locker and wordlessly changed into your school slippers. By the time you had them on, there was a girl standing by your side, smile beaming from ear to ear.

"I haven't seen you before- you must be new! I'm Naomi. Welcome!"

Ranpo: You were headed back to Yokohama after going to Shibuya for dinner with some old friends. You bought your ticket back and gracefully made your way through the droves of people, until you saw a smaller man wandering around looking lost. You inwardly wondered if he was searching for someone until you noticed his face light up as he laid eyes on you. He instantly came rushing over to you.

"You're from Yokohama, right? Take me with you!"

Kenji: You had been tending to the vegetable garden all day, pulling weeds just as your parents had instructed. But, the sun was boiling hot and you were pretty sure you had sweated out the last of the water in your body. You laid back in the grass, body splayed, soaking in the warmth of the sun and feeling the slight burn on your skin. That was until you felt a cold, wet shock against your cheek. Blinking quickly, you saw a freckled blonde boy around your age pressing a cold energy drink from the vending machine against your cheek with the sweetest expression on his face.

"You'd better keep hydrated! It's supposed to be a hot one out today!"

Yosano: You were out shopping, trying to find an outfit for a job interview you had coming up. So far everything you had tried on just didn't look the way you wanted. As you put the latest disappointment back on the rack, an angry salaryman shoved past you, pushing you into the rack. You were fuming as you turned to yell, when you saw a lithe woman grab him by the tie.

"Look asshole, you really need to watch where you're going! Now, apologize to them before I crush your family jewels!"

Fukuzawa: The rain was absolutely pouring this lovely night. You stared out the window of your cat cafe deciding to wait out the storm before heading home. You went through all the daily motions of closing up the cafe. All that was left were lights and the open sign. You lazily stroked a gray cat as you checked the clock, waiting for the rain to pass. Your thoughts were interrupted as a man dressed in a yukata walked in shaking his umbrella off outside the door before shutting it fully and locking eyes with you. You could barely make out the slightest hint of embarrassment.

"Are you still open? I was hoping I could duck in here until the storm passes, if that's alright."

Kyouka: You were sitting at the cafe, fired up about the eating competition. You'd been warming up for months, seeing how many crepes you could stuff into your face each day in preparation. The winner of this contest would get their name on a placard in the restaurant and free crepes for a year- any broke high school student's dream. You saw your opponent, a petite girl in a kimono, walk over to your table and bow her head lightly, but her eyes held the fiercest determination you'd ever seen.

"I wish you the best of luck and may the best man win!"

[tinyboxxtink]

"Not My Yacht" *Chapter 1?*

So this is interesting:

So "Not My Yacht" was my very first fic. Like, I'm talking VERY VERY first.

So when I started asking around about ideas for a new series, a few of my lovelies went through my one shots and this story and "Doodling" got some good votes.

So, I decided to include the one shot and just added to it for a POTENTIAL new series. We'll see how this chapter goes over.

Also I'll be including Rita Calhoun in this for the FIRST time ever, so I may need assistance from @storiesofsvu to get her voice right. I did my best here. I'll be honest I've never really watched her, just that one where that guy blackmailed her or something.

Also Also, if it wasn't obvious enough this is obviously the beginning of the SVU episode "Her Negations".

I don't want to give anything away because I haven't even really thought that far, but I'm 95% sure this is going to turn in a William Lewis situation fic. So...pretty dark. I'm just warning you NOW.

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

And yes, the results are in. There is a part 2!

You breathed in the salty air of the sea of the sunny South Hampton shore; It was a beautiful day for a yacht party.

You walked along the pier as you got closer to your boss’s boat: The Crime Wave. Her husband’s idea of a funny name she claimed as she had invited people from the office to this soiree. You were lucky to even get an invite, just being the assistant to the owner of the law firm. “Who else is going to help me dodge boring conversations with men who just wanted a "free ride” on the bosses boat?“ She had teased you; or at least you hoped she was kidding.

You really wanted to just relax and mingle among the elite lawyers of NYC, seeing as you wanted to be one of them someday.

You saw your boss, Rita Calhoun waving you down as you reached the dock space.

"Ah! There you are, for a minute I thought I’d have to mix my own drinks!” She laughed with a wink. You laugh nervously, unable to discern if she was kidding.

“Calm down sweetie, I’m a big girl. Besides, I like to make them myself, strong,” she laughed again, patting your shoulder. Crap had your face looked that panicked? Keep it cool!

“Go ahead, enjoy yourself. I’ll be here, making sure none of those damn punks tries to sneak on here for free booze,” she scoffed, nodding to a group of highly dressed teens playing chicken on the shoreline.

You nodded with a half laugh, stepping onto the yacht. It was a decent size, a second level deck and a very spacious main level. Not a lot of people had arrived yet, so you decided to pick a spot on the yachts back bench area before all the seating was taken. You began removing your over clothes revealing your swimming wear when you hear Rita greet someone else.

“Ah, Barba. You know we have flare guns on board,”

You turn to see the ADA of New York, Rafael Barba. He’s dressed in a windbreaker and what could be either a dark red or salmon polo. You realize Mrs. Calhoun is referring to the almost neon yellow color of the windbreaker, and you can’t help but giggle. It must have been way too loud because they both turn to you which caused you to immediately shut up and go back to undressing and laying out your towel, but ever so slightly still honed in on the conversation.

“You can never be too careful Rita, who knows how many enemies I’ve made in this town; someone might throw me over,” he smirked.

“And anyone here could make it look like a very convincing accident….even my aspiring protege over there,” Rita nods over to you, knowing full well what you were doing.

Barba turned and looked at you, your body frozen in mid towel thrust. You didn’t know whether to throw it over yourself or just run off the boat right there.

“I know it’s an awful jacket dear, you don’t have to keep staring at him.” She called over to you. God why did she have to be so….her.

“Jesus Rita give the girl a break, or did you invite her just to torture her on unbillable hours?” Barba scoffed with a half smile, walking over to you.

“Is it really worth the minimum wage to put up with her?” He asked.

“Mmm…it’s more for the experience, honestly.” You replied surprisingly smoothly.

“Oh….well I mean I could give you the experience without–” He started but was interrupted by your boss’s loud exclaiming.

“Yeah I’ll BET you’d give her experience Barba! Stop hitting on my intern and mingle with the adults.”

If you could dig a hole straight through the boat into the ocean you would do it right then and there.

“…..Without THAT.” He rolled his eyes, lightly flipping her the bird behind his back. You see her respond with a laugh then turns her attention back to the guests boarding.

“She’s probably been drinking since she got on the boat, yeah?” He asked you.

“I…I don’t know I just got here….” You managed to squeak out as your towel strayed from your hands. Barba grabbed it and helped you reposition it on the bench.

“Kinda windy for a yacht party, but Rita will take any chance to celebrate anything remotely resembling a boost to her ego. Am I right?” He chuckled, before sitting down on your towel.

“Just to keep it from blowing away, do you mind?” He asked, gesturing for you to join him. You nodded a boisterous “NO”, plopping next to him on the bench.

“I’m Rafael Barba,” he extended his hand to you, which you took and shook gently, praying to God he didn’t notice you were literally shaking. You had probably had the biggest crush on him since you started working with Mrs. Calhoun, he was constantly in her office challenging her with warrants and favors.

“Oh yeah I know,” you blurted out, mentally facepalming immediately.

“I see….” He raised an eyebrow. “And you are….?”

You were about to answer when his phone went off. He answered it putting one finger up and mouthing the words “one second.”

“Barba. Yeah….what? Seriously, Olivia? On a Sunday?!” He groaned into his phone with an exaggerated eye roll. He raised his hand and ran it over his face begrudgingly as he talked.

“Yeah….alright, fine. Yeah I’ll be there, give me an hour. I’m in the Hamptons. Because it’s my day off, Liv! Do you think I lock myself in my office over the weekends like a vampire in a coffin? Yeah…I’m sorry, I just…” He glanced at you.

“I was enjoying my Sunday.” He gave you a small sad smile.

“Yeah. Ok. See you soon.” He hung up the phone with an exasperated sigh.

“I’m sorry, I gotta go back to the city. Don’t let Rita push you around too much, okay?” He chuckled, rubbing the top of your head like a puppy. You felt your face scrunch up in annoyance, seriously? He thought of you as a kid?!

He obviously noticed, and quickly held out his hand again very sternly.

“Sorry, future counselor.” He said in an overly serious tone, and you couldn’t stop yourself from giggling. Again. Like an idiot.

Relieved he had fixed his faux paux, he gave you one last beautiful Barba grin as he jogged over to Rita and told her something before nodding to you once again, then walked off the boat and disappearing down the pier.

Your boss sauntered over to you, a shit eating grin across her face.

“Well Cinderella, you sure kept that cool.” She gestured for your phone beside you.

“Be sure to tell him your name this time,” she winked, handing it back to you. You glanced down at it as she walked away; she had added a number to your contacts.

“BHole Barba.” You laughed out loud. Nice. Maybe she wasn’t such a horrible boss after all….

--------------

By Monday you still hadn’t had the balls to text Rafael Barba. You had just stared at the number in your phone, imagining all the possibilities contacting him would lead to. You may have gotten so far as planning your summer wedding in the Hamptons, but nobody needed to know that.

But you had chickened out and left it alone, and now you were sitting at your desk typing up a memo for Rita when you saw him come waltzing through the door.

“Ah, Cinderella!” He smiled at you.

“Hey…” Your mind went blank, you couldn’t think of words. Wait, had he already given you a nickname?

“Cinderella?” You blinked in confusion.

“Well I never caught your name-- But I guess I shouldn’t even push it, you’ve clearly moved on and I must seem like a creep,” His train of thought proceeded out loud as he realized you hadn’t taken his number and here he was still flirting with you. Rita had given it to you, he had seen her type it in your phone. Obviously you weren’t interested, why was he pushing this?

“What? NO!” You said a little louder than you intended, actually a lot louder than you intended. You slapped your hand over your mouth after your little outburst, but to you relief he was still smiling.

“Oh? Well I suppose that’s good…” He was obviously fishing for your excuse as to why you had waited until he popped back in your face to talk to him.

“No, I um--” You racked your brain for an excuse that wasn’t “I was busy planning our lives together”.

“I….couldn’t think of something interesting to say,” You finally admitted with a pitiful sigh. You were not a good liar, and under pressure, forget about it.

Again, he still smiled-- but this time he laughed along with it.

“I mean, ‘Hello’ is always an option,” He chuckled. “Or...your name?”

“Oh!” Idiot. You hadn’t even given him your name, how was he supposed to fall madly in love with you without a name?

“Y/N,” You stuck your hand out awkwardly, Was this a ‘shake hands’ moment? Hadn’t you already met before? You stared at your hand as you moved it slightly back and forth, arguing with yourself whether or not this was necessary. Luckily, Rafael settled the argument by taking your hand and shaking it firmly.

His hands were so soft, his long fingers enveloped yours in them. You lost yourself in the moment, and before you knew it he was making an uncomfortable cough, snapping you back to reality. You dropped his hand and snapped yours back into your body like a zip cord, your face in a horrified stare.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry, that was so weird. I’m weird. I’m--”

“Well I don’t know what you were so worried about Cinderella, you’re clearly a chatterbox,” He gave you a tongued smile, referring to the word vomit you just couldn’t help spill all over him.

“Oh yeah, I’m a total word machine,” You laughed nervously. A word machine? What the fuck was that?

“...Word machine. Right,” He nodded in amusement. “Well word machine, would you mind shooting some words to my phone, or do you just enjoy this face to face thing?”

“With that face? Definitely the latter. But you can have my number anyway,” You typed a quick message and sent it to his number. Damn that was smooth! How did you do that?

Rafael made an impressed face with your line, but when he opened his phone his brows furrowed.

“Hit?” He gave you a curious look as he read the text out loud.

“Fuck it was supposed to be ‘hi’-- stupid autocorrect,” You muttered angrily. Yeah, that was more like you.

“Oh yes, the dreaded autocorrect,” He nodded while saving your number. “Turning fucks into ducks since 2011,”

“Oh I didn’t have a phone in 7th grade but I’ll take your word for it,” You laughed, but stopped when his face twisted into a mix of horror and discomfort when he realized how young you actually were.

Dammit. Why...why would you do this?

“....Right, is Rita in?” He quickly shoved his phone back in his pocket and headed into Rita’s office before you could answer.

“...Idiot!” You yelled at yourself as your hands went over your face and your face planted into your desk.

Well, that was nice while it lasted. All 2.5 seconds of it.

-----------------

“Well Barba, about time,” Rita smirked as Rafael abruptly burst into her office trying to get away from you. “Done flirting with the intern are we?”

“Shut up,” He rolled his eyes, though his face was a deep shade of red.

“Oh no, what happened? Did your dentures fall out in front of her?” She smirked.

“I’m younger than you!!” He scoffed.

“Yeah but I’m not the one trying to boff a 25 year old,” She smirked harder, making Rafael angrier.

“Can I just get the warrant I came here for, Rita?” He huffed.

“Oooh, struck a nerve there, did I?” Rita chuckled as she grabbed some papers from her desk and started to hand them to him. “Barba, for the record I’m really not judging you. If I were 20 years younger, I’d hit it too,”

“Excuse me?”

“I had a lot of ‘cats’ in college,” She winked.

“Wow,” Rafael held up his hands. “Rita, we really don’t need to be that personal.”

“Fine, but all I’m saying is if you like the girl, don’t let a stupid thing like age deter you. Don’t tell her I said this, but she’s actually very competent and organized. I would almost prefer her not to graduate, unless she'd come work for me. She’s going to be a hell of a lawyer,” She gestured outside to your desk.

Rafael looked at the ground as he mulled over what she was saying, a small smile crawled across his lips as she complimented your potential.

“I’ll take that under advisement, Mrs. Calhoun,” He nodded as he walked towards the door with the papers in his hand, a huge smile across his face now.

He walked out to find you cursing at yourself and whimpering in embarrassment at your desk. When you heard the door shut you snapped to attention and stared at him, shocked he hadn't sprinted out of the office like Usain Bolt. Even more shocking was that Cheshire cat grin now upon his face.

“I-I’m sorry, I totally meant I was--” You tried doing math trying to make yourself reasonably older.

“It’s fine,” He chuckled as he put a hand over your counting fingers. You blushed at the touch of his skin on yours again, but quickly shoved your hands under the desk nervously as you tried not to look him square in the eye. His eyes were so gorgeous you were positive staring straight into them would actually get you pregnant.

“So does Rita ever unchain you from this desk?” He smirked as he was now very aware and very amused at how nervous he made you. He may be old, but clearly he’s still got it.

“Oh yeah, if I ask very nicely she let’s me--” You tried to think of something witty, but it wasn’t coming with him staring at you with those eyes. “....Yes,” You wanted to put your hands over your face but you didn’t want it to be a ‘thing’.

“Well, maybe if you’re an extra good girl she’ll let you off your leash early tonight,” He winked.

“....Am I a dog or a toddler in that situation?” You were genuinely asking, but Rafael clearly realized how insulting that must have seemed.

“Oh no no no, I just, shit,” He tried to backtrack but if he was being totally honest, you made him nervous. Maybe he didn’t have ‘it’ as much as he thought.

You noticed he was the one blushing now, oh my god were you making him nervous? QUICK, BE SMOOTH. BE SMOOTHER THAN YOU’VE EVER BEEN IN YOUR LIFE.

“Are you asking me out, counselor?” You did your best “sultry “voice with a bat of your eyes. Were you batting them too much? What was too much? Oh god you’ve done it for too long now. STOP BATTING.

“...I don’t know, guess you’ll have to wait for me to text you, future counselor,” He was impressed by the line, and decided to bow out before either of you made idiots of yourselves again. He gave you a wink and sauntered out of the office.

Great. Now he’ll probably make you wait two days for a--

*BEEP*

Your phone went off in your desk. You pulled it out to see a text message:

BHOLE BARBA: Dinner? Tonight?

You really needed to change his contact name. But that wasn’t the point right now. He just asked you out. Rafael Barba just asked you out. You stared at in your hands, unsure of what to do. Then you realized you couldn’t do this again, you couldn’t just sit there and imagine things, this required an immediate response.

You nervously typed a reply and hit SEND:

Sire ;)

“DAMMIT!!!” You cursed your autocorrect. You instantly sent another text.

Sure***

Before you could lecture yourself again, your phone beeped again:

BHOLE BARBA: Play

Play? What did that--

BHOLE: Okay** ;)

You typed the word ‘okay’ into your text reply bubble, ‘play’ came up in the autocorrect word list.

He was joking with you. He was flirting with you. RAFAEL BARBA WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU.

This work day could not end fast enough.

[navalcriminalimagines]

Backup

Request by @wow-life-love4 ❤️ : So I was hoping to request a Barba x reader; Where the reader sees Barbra back when she goes visits Carisi and she has those feeling again what she had years ago when he left!And he finally accepts the fact that she was the one as well!!!!!(Throw some angst in there I’m dying for it with fluffy ending)

Words: 3,530

Tags: @crying-river

Sorry for the typos. Enjoy. ❤️

Based on 22x04 Sightless in a Savage Land. (Of course)

(Gif isn’t mine)

*Carisi’s office*

Since Sonny got his new office, you found a comfy place on the floor, against his furniture. That’s where you were even though your former partner wasn’t there yet. There was this new case that came up in the night before, he had a few meetings while you were working on your laptop, coffee right next you and Sonny’s on his desk.

He came in a few minutes later, smiled when he saw you. He threw the box he was holding on his cabinet and sat on his desk chair. When he spotted his coffee, his smile grew wider. “You’re the best,” he said, taking a big sip.

“I know,” you smiled. “How’s the case going?”

“I’m going for murder 2, and we’ll see,” he shrugged.

One thing you love about your friendship with Sonny Carisi is that silence is comfortable. There is no awkward silence. While he worked on his paperwork, you were on your laptop. Shopping online, actually. You rescued a car a year ago and the little ball of fur has been scratching on your couch ever since. It was completely destroyed now and you needed a new one.

“Dom,” you called your best friend. “What do you think about this one?” you turned your laptop so Sonny could see it. It was a nice three places blue couch, Scandinavian style.

Sonny wheeled closer to you and bent down to look at it. “I won’t fit in that one,” he said. He’s been crashing a lot at your place for the past two years.

“Stupid long legs,” you teased him. “Although, in 4 years, you’ll be sleeping in my bed, so—“ you turned the screen back at you and kept scrolling.

Sonny laughed at that. “Only if neither of us is married,” he reminded you.

“Doesn’t look good, Dominick. I’m telling you,” you exclaimed. “You seriously need to prepare yourself to spend the rest of your life with me,”

“Wouldn’t have agreed if I wasn’t. Although, that’s not the story I wanna tell our kids,” still laying in his chair, Sonny was facing you, his legs spread as always.

“Why not?” You exclaimed. “It’s cute! Two best friends that made a deal to get together to avoid forever loneliness!” You paused and realized what he said. “Wait—kidS?” you asked, making sure the ‘s’ was heard.

“At least, four, Y/N. You know I want a big family,” Sonny told. This conversation seemed like completely normal between although it wasn’t.

“Then pry I’ll give birth to quadruplets. Cause I’m not getting pregnant four times,”

“Don’t underestimate the Carisi’s power,”

You and Sonny stopped talking for a moment, just staring at each other, until you both started to laugh. “This conversation is nonsense,” you said.

“I agree,” you heard from the doorway. You and Sonny turned like one man, to look at the man standing there. You didn’t have to look at him though. You recognized his voice from the first sound.

“Barba,” Sonny was the first to greet him. He stood up and offered his hand. Both men shook hands and Rafael’s eyes stopped on you, still sitting on the floor. You looked up to him and tried to keep a poker face. But god, he looked more handsome as ever. The beard. You asked him multiple times to keep the beard, when you and Rafael were seeing each other.

“Detective,” he greeted you.

“Counselor,” you quickly said and got your attention back on your laptop. You can’t let him see you still have feelings. And that you’re mad. Hurt, even. Rafael never made a promise to you, you two weren’t actually dating per say, but you wished he gave you a goodbye. Not just—leaving.

“What can I help you with?” Sonny rescued you.

“Mickey Davis. Can we talk about it?” He said.

You felt both men’s gaze on you and looked up, “Oh you want me gone?” You said and Sonny nodded. You stood up, put your laptop in your bag, and walked to the door. “Chinese. My place?” You asked Sonny, completely avoiding Rafael. Your best friend agreed and you would be lying if you said you didn’t hope it would make Rafael jealous.

*****

Sonny showed up at your apartment around 8. He was welcomed by Mania’s purrs, he crouched down and pet your ginger cat for a moment. You were sitting in your - destroyed - couch, with a glass a white wine. Carisi knew that seeing Barba after all those years messed with your head.

“How many?” He simply asked.

“Not enough!” You said, but you were obviously tipsy already.

He’d been there many times. He knew that trying to fight to make you stop drinking was useless. So instead, he grabbed a glass and joined you on the couch. Mania jumped on your lap. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I’m just going to say the same things I’ve been telling you for the past three years,” you said, focusing on your cat.

“But now, he’s back. And I don’t think he liked what he heard,”

You looked at Sonny, puzzled, waiting for him to continue. “He was—cold. Unfriendly. And he left saying ‘Enjoy the chinese—and the company’”

“It doesn’t mean anything, Dom. Three years went by. He probably has someone,” you were on the urge of crying but you were fighting yourself. You cried enough for Rafael.

“His lost,” Sonny put his arms around your shoulders and kissed your temple. He gave a pat to Mania, and extended his legs on the coffee table. You rested your head on his shoulder and a few tears escaped.

“Why am I not over him? Why does it still hurt?” You asked. Sonny hummed in response and you continued. “I wish we were married already. I would be committed to you, and he wouldn’t live rent free in my head,”

Sonny giggled, “You sure ‘bout that?” He asked. “Know that cheating is a deal breaker for me. Thinking of someone else while you’re with me is cheating, somehow. So technically, you’re already cheating on me,”

“I’d make up to you, but we’re not there yet. You refused to seal the deal,”

It took Sonny a few seconds to understand what you meant. “And think about Barba while I’m making love to you? Noooo, thank you,”

You grabbed the wine bottle and poured yourself another glass. Mania wasn’t pleased about you moving around so he jumped onto Sonny’s lap instead. “I need a good dick,” you sighed, laying back on the couch.

Sonny wasn’t expecting you to say that. Or at least, not like that. He was taking a sip and choked on wine. He coughed a few times, which made you laugh. “Need me to remind you what happened last year?”

“Noooo, thank you,” you mimicked him. The last year was a mess. You got drunk at Forlini’s and left with a stranger. It was okay at first, the man was good looking and very cautious with you. The sex wasn’t great. He came really fast, you didn’t have time to get pleasure. When you tried to leave, he offered you to stay with puppy eyes, and you caved. The next morning, you tried to sneak out but he heard you and he didn’t want to let you go. So you texted Sonny, asking him to call you and pretend an emergency. Thank god he did. But a few weeks later, you met the guy again at Forlini’s. It lead to a few weeks of stalking from his behalf, until you went all cop on him.

After eating chinese, you went back to drinking as Sonny stopped. You two watched some terrible show on tv until you fell asleep on his shoulders. Used to that, he moved you to your bed and crashed on your couch, with Mania cuddling to him.

*****

You showed up many times at work with hangovers. You were used to pretend you were okay and your coworkers pretended to believe you. The morning went slow, until he showed up.

“Barba!” Fin was the first to see him. “Liv isn’t here,” he continued.

“I came to see all of you—in private?” Fin, Amanda, Kat and yourself looked to one another. “I don’t have all day, detectives.”

They stood up and followed him next to interrogation rooms. But you stayed put. “Y/N,” Rafael softly said.

“Three detectives is enough,” you said, without looking at you. If you looked at him, you’d caved. And you can’t do that. He doesn’t deserve it. Not so easily. Not just because he is his handsome self.

“I hope chinese with your future husband was good,” he answered, bitterly and joined the others, closing the doors behind him. You sarcastically laughed at that. Was it jealousy? You hoped so.

A few minutes later, Liv came in with Garland. He gently greeted you and asked where were the others. You told them without thinking further. And in a minute, Barba was in Liv’s office with her and Garland. Your coworkers went back to their desks but no one talked. “Fill me in?” You asked.

“In so many words, Barba needs our help,” Amanda told you.

“He’s defending the man that Carisi is prosecuting. That’s not fair to Sonny,” you told, anger started to show up.

“Carisi can handle it,” Fin said.

“Damn right he can. But you’re making it harder for him! Our ADA is Carisi now, not Barba! He left me—us,”

You knew it was too late. Your anger toward Rafael just surfaced and the entire team now knows something had happened. Mostly angry at yourself from letting your emotions get the best of you, you grabbed your jacket and left the squadroom.

You drove to Sonny’s office and stormed in it without knocking. He immediately saw your red eyes, and furry in them. “Barba asked the squad for help! And I think they are in!” You were pacing in the small place, making Sonny’s head spin. “They are going behind your back for him! They are helping him, knowing it will make it harder for you! He just—snapped his fingers,” you did snap your fingers, “and they are all in! I can’t believe it,” you were breathing hard, fighting your tears and your anger. Sonny stood, grabbed your shoulders and brought you to his chest. He held you tight as you cried in his chest. He could feel your body shaking. You stood there for a long moment until you calmed down. Sonny let you go and grabbed you a tissue. You dried your eyes and blown your nose. “I’m sorry, you must be tired of me. I’m a fucking mess,”

Sonny was leaning on his desk, arms crossed and legs spread. “Nah, you’re not, Y/N. You’re my best friend and you’re there for me as much,” he softly grabbed your hand and rubbed your knuckles, “Now tell what you’re really mad about,”

“Him. He comes back and tries to act as if—nothing happened. Like we were nothing. Ever,” you took a deep breath, “it just hurts me all over again,”

“Now that he’s here, maybe you should ask for the explanations you’ve been waiting for? You need closure, honey. You deserve it. And yeah, it may not be what you want to hear but at least, you’ll know and you can finally move on,”

“With you when I turn 40?” You tried to joke.

“Or that guy from last year,” he grinned.

“Shut up, Carisi,” Sonny pulled on your arm to bring you to him. As he was leaning on the desk, you were the same height. You put your arms around his shoulders, and his hands were in your back. “What would I do without you?” You whispered in his ear.

“You’d be stuck in a relationship with a weirdo, and probably pregnant by now,” you laughed at his words.

“That would terrible. I’d be so frustrated,”

“Uh, I’d help you with that,”

“Dominick Carisi Jr, isn’t that a sin? May I remind you, you refused to seal our deal,”

“Because if it went bad, I didn’t want you to ask Fin to be your backup,”

“Wouldn’t have worked anyway, he found Phoebe,”

Really, what would you do without Sonny Carisi in your life?

*****

His words didn’t leave your brain. “You need closure, you deserve it”. And maybe he’s right. You do deserve closure, even if he tells you everything you don’t want to hear. So when the trial was over, and Barba invited everyone for a drink, you joined in. You sat between Sonny and Kat, Rafael was across from you. You could feel his gaze every now and then but you tried to avoid meeting his eyes.

“Cheers,” Rafael said, holding his scotch.

“To what? Jury deliberated for 6 hours to find Davis guilty on murder 2 and we’re back to the start,” Sonny answered.

“To irony, then,” Rafael offered instead.

Everyone got interested in Rafael’s past three years. He explained that he traveled for a while, catch up with foreign family in Cuba. He mentioned meeting a woman there but when you heard the word “girlfriend”, you stood up and went to order another glass.

“Y/N!” You heard from your left. You turned to see the man that stalked you the year prior. “Good to see you,” before you could react, Kyle was hugged you. “Been a while,” he smiled.

Not enough. You thought. “Indeed,” you gently returned the smile.

“May I offer you a drink?”

“Thanks, but I’m with my friends,” you pointed towards the squad. Sonny saw the man from behind and he saw in your eyes you were in trouble. But instead of helping you, he was just—laughing. Bastard.

“Maybe later then? Or another day?”

“Kyle. Last year, I threated you to put you in jail for harassment. That threat still stands if you start again,” you looked at him, seriously.

“Actually, I want to apologize about that. I was in a very bad place and I don’t know why I acted the way I did. Can we put that in the past and start all over again?”

Listening to his excuses, you didn’t see Rafael circling around. It’s only when you smell his intoxicating smell, that you knew he was behind you. You sighed and tried to stay focus on Kyle. “Okay look, if you’re still here when my friends leave, maybe—“ you were stopped by Rafael’s arm, as he slided it around your chest.

“Leave her alone, man. You’re not up to her standards,”

“Y/N, who is that” Kyle asked.

You were so confused about what was happening - and a little tipsy - you didn’t react. “The man that has way more chance to take her home than you’ll never have,”

“Well, man, you’re too late. I already took her home,”

You felt Rafael’s fist clenching. “Kyle—I’ll see around okay?”

“I’m not sure I want to leave you with that guy, Y/N,” he answered.

“But you are,” Rafael growled. “Now and forever,”

Rafael made you spin around so you were facing him instead of that Kyle. He instantly grabbed your face in his hands and kissed you right under Kyle’s nose. He was acting like an asshole but there’s no way you could pull him away. You melted into his kiss, granting access to his tongue. You grabbed onto his shirt, pulling him as close as you could. You felt his hands traveling your back, until you were grabbing your ass. For a moment, you forgot you two were in the middle of Forlini’s. You moaned in his month and he felt his cock twitching.

You pulled away only when Amanda made herself heard as she was leaving. “Get a room, people.”

Rafael smiled. “I agree with her. Come home with me?”

“Where’s home for you?” You asked. A kiss can’t make everything go away.

“Home is you, Y/N. You’re my home,” he looked so damn sincere and it would be so easy to just let it go and hang on to those words. But you still need explanations. Apologizes, perhaps?

Again, you fought against your tears. “That’s so easy, Rafael,”

“Come with me and we can talk. Just that if you want,”

*****

During the ride, you told Rafael you preferred to go to your place; Mania was waiting. If Barba should have a pet, he thought he would adopt a dog. But since you have a cat, he can get use to it. Only if you cut its claws.

As always, Mania was waiting behind the door when you got in. He didn’t move at first, just studying Rafael. “He’s already judging me,” Rafael said.

“He only met two humans. Me and Sonny. Before that, he was beaten, famished and threw with the trash. He doesn’t trust humans,”

“That’s something we can bound on,” Rafael kept his distance with your furry child. And Mania did the same. You pet him a moment, gave him his food and joined Rafael on the couch, with a bottle of Sauternes. It was silent at first. None knew where to start.

“Is—is there something between you and Carisi?” He asked.

“Straight to the point,” you smiled in your glass. You liked the hint of jealousy in it. “For now, no. But in 4 years, maybe,”

“I’m gonna need further explanations,”

“I’m the one that needs explanations, don’t you think?” You challenged him. “Actually, I deserve them,” you’ll have to think Sonny later for that strength.

“Indeed, you do,” Rafael agreed. “It was easier that way,”

“Easier for who? For you? Cause it wasn’t easy for me, at all,”

“I was selfish and I’m sorry,” he softly grabbed your hand. “I knew that—if I came to see you, to tell you I was leaving, I would have back down. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you goodbye. All I ever wanted to see in your eyes, when you look at me, was love. And I was afraid to see—disappointment in them. Pity, hate, even. Cause there was hate whenever I looked in the mirror,” you heard tears in his voice. You knew he was just being honest with you.

“You ruined our relationship—or whatever we had— on assumptions, Rafael. I didn’t hate you before you left. I wasn’t disappointed. Only things you’d have seen were empathy and love,”

“I couldn’t take the risk, Y/N,”

“Let’s pretend I get that. Why didn’t you call, then? Text? Left a letter or a note? Hell, even an email would have made it easier,” you stood up, pacing around. Rafael has been around you enough to know that’s what you do when you’re angry and trying to calm yourself.

“I could have. I should have—I’m so sorry,” he was looking at you with pleading eyes but you were still pacing around your living room. “I never forgot about you, Y/N. I still love you,”

“Uh-huh,” you shook your head, “You can’t tell me you still love me when you never said you loved me in the first place!” You exclaimed.

“Fine,” he stood up and grabbed your shoulders to keep you still. “I love you, Y/N. Wanna know when I knew?” He paused, for what you assumed what a dramatic effect like he does in court, “When Yelina came in my office, telling my ‘crazy coworker’ slapped her. And you didn’t slap her because you were jealous. You did so because she hurt me and talked shit about me for going after Alex. When she left, I smiled so hard, I found the courage to ask you out,”

You felt your cheeks turning pink. “I didn’t know you knew,” you looked down but Rafael grabbed your chin and made you lift your head.

“From that moment, I knew you had my back. I didn’t have yours,” you saw a tear finally escaping his eye. “And if you found the strength to forgive me, I’ll always have your back. I won’t let you down. I promise,”

Seeing Rafael cried made you cry too. You swoop his tears with your thumb. “It won’t be easy, Rafael. It’s going to take time for me to—trust you again. To trust that you won’t leave again,”

“I won’t,” he grabbed your face and kissed. It was needy. Rafael wanted you to feel how much he loves you in that kiss. He wanted you to know you could trust him. Not only your tongue mixed but your tears did too. “I promise. I love you,” he rested his forehead against yours.

“I love you, too,” you kissed again, but it was more passionate. One of his arms were wrapped around your shoulders and his other hand was holding your cheek. Your left hand rested on his firm ass and your right one was in his hair.

He smiled against your mouth when he felt your hand grabbing his ass cheek. “That’s my move,”

“What can I say? I missed your ass,”

He chuckled and made you jump in his arms. Your legs wrapped around his waist and his hands were resting on your ass. “Not as much as I missed yours,” Rafael kissed you again and walked to the bedroom, closing it to Mania’s face.

[shozaii]

can u pls gib me kunikida and dazai fluff hcs? i love them sm

(a/n):hello anon! why, of course hehe🥰thank you so much for the request!

@amourzai my cielo helped me with this fic ilysm☁🌹

masterlist 

-------------------------------

fluffy hc’s 

pairings: dazai x reader, kunikida x reader

warnings: none!

dazai osamu

despite being the chaotic person that he is, dazai tends to turn into the mushy soft puddle when he’s with you. swoons around you, always shows you his best side, brags about him being better than chuuya, basically what you see him do to atsushi, but it’s ten times more emphasized and complex.😌

when he wants to confess his feelings, he does it in a quiet, peaceful place. namely, while watching the yokohama sunset. may or may not have found time to walk back home alone with you, held your hand and locked his arm around yours. “i need to show you something special, love~.”

feelings to him is something so cherished, so sophisticated and important. as a person who has gone through a series of emotions; he prefers to let them out in private.

even kneels down and asks, “would you be mine, mon cheri?” while rubbing little circles on the back of your hand.

when dazai confesses, his eyes would look directly into yours. if anything were to bother him; consider his other side to be seen. and we all know we don’t want that to happen.

i don’t know why but i always imagine dazai’s hands to be soft and delicate, and lovely to hold. (yes, i have seen too many gifs of them and i am in love) anything he does with his hands are just so attractive.

blows kisses when he’s like across you. so it becomes a series of sending each other kisses when you’re like one metre apart....and when he really does miss it, he gets up from his seat, leans over and pecks your lips real quick.

height difference is pretty obvious between him and his s/o(unless you’re super tall :0). if you were shorter, consider the t e a s i n g 24/7. if you were nearly as tall/taller than him, the floor is all yours🥴

lowkey wish i was taller rn

okay but real talk - he loves carrying you bridal style. a lot. and here’s the thing, it happens at random timing. for instance, when you’re working on your latest paperwork. during a mission (just to boast how strong he is). very unpredictable but so adorable, you can’t help but blush harder.

“osamu! put me down or else....!”

“or else what, my honey bunch?”

“you’re not getting kisses for a week.”

mans sets you down with raptor speed. unless if he’s in a flirty mood, you would see yourself winning.

yes, he loves seeing you flustered. i feel like you can do so as well - but i headcanon him winning everytime. how do you win this...? maybe kiss him when he least expects it. do it.

cute pet names like belladonna, my love, mon cheri, any new language he learns, he uses them. and if he almost forgets them(because he collects so much), he writes them down on a sticky note, and sticks it on his desk. when he goes back to the dorms, he sticks it on the wall or some place he could remember.

dates with dazai are either during work hours, or the after hours of yokohama. and he makes sure you’re going to have the time of your life on every single date; so he plans a new activity on every one of them.

when he doesn’t have the chance to do so, he pouts. but when it has been replaced with a job given by the president/kunikida, there you go. a date and mission in your hands.

he gets this rush of energy when he realizes that what was supposed to be a relaxing date out just got a whole lot better with the mission.

dazai gives kisses anywhere he likes. nose, lips, cheeks, jawline, the list goes on. he even knows where you prefer him to do so. i’m surprised that he still isn’t a psychic.

double suicide? he would never think of it. all his life, he wants to find a reason to live. he does get his reasons - one of them is you. your tears to him are anguish and heartbreak at its worst. cue you crying while telling him to stay by your side. 

“please...never leave my side,” you sobbed as you buried your face in his chest. “if i can stay alive in this place we call earth for as long as possible, then so can you.”

that moved him so much. a whole lot. “oh, belladonna. don’t you ever think i’m going away.”

silence.

“not without you.”

you punched him, and he couldn’t stop laughing. but he’d stop, giving you an unlimited amount of kisses.

b a b y. dazai is babie.

kunikida doppo

oh my god we have baby number 2.

in his eyes, you were the definition of perfection. he even tries to remember exactly when did he catch feelings for you. it was totally unexpected, according to him.

cue almost all of the members of ada teasing him all the time about him finally finding his ‘ideal’ partner.

but to him, it wasn’t the ideal that mattered anymore. you outmatched almost everything he wrote down. and man, was he the happiest person alive.

how does he confess...? well wonderful question. he didn’t plan it. the members did.

maybe yosano-san called you and told you about another ‘crucial case’ a few blocks away from your completed one and ‘since you were out there, you were perfect for it.’ you agreed because why not?

meanwhile, dazai probably said, ‘this case involves yet another series of men wearing glasses - you and me must go out to end this person.’

of course kunikida goes ??? ‘where are the evidences/pictures???” but dazai brushes it off saying ‘ah~ i left them somewhere.’ to which,,,well you already know. they went out and not even a minute after, the bandaged man goes missing. with the intercom, he leads him to - you guessed it - the exact same place you were in.

‘kunikida! you’re here for the non-existent case too...?”

‘non-existent? OHMYGODDAZAI-’

the line was cut off, and he goes on and on about him, until;

‘i can never be the same when i’m with someone i obliviously like-,’

he’s a huge mess when he’s around you, trust me. so him blabbering that out loud is completely normal.

butterflies in your stomach because you’re so in love with him.

‘i don’t know if this is the right time, but our friends probably did this for us. so i hope you’d be okay if i said my feelings are mutual?”

kunikida is alright with just a little pda, maybe some hand-holding and little ruffles on your hair because he secretly loves how floofy it is🥺when it comes to kissing, the furthest he would go is on your head. nothing more, nothing less.

he needs to maintain his composure *cough* but my mans right here couldn’t, you’re just too perfect.

so when you’re two alone, expect lots and lots of wholesome kisses around your face; and also loads of cuddles. this side of kunikida is what i headcanon today, folks. the ‘soft for you’ side. he lovesss it when he kisses your forehead, he finds it so cute.

p l e a s e kiss him on the cheek, kunikida would be all over the place.

if you go somewhere on a mission with someone else, he would be on his feet. he gets so worried, thinking of what might happen. don’t get me wrong, he trusts you in your job so much; he just doesn’t want you to get hurt.

so when you do return, he’s the first one at the door.

checks if you’ve eaten, if you’ve drank enough water, if you’ve gotten enough sleep. if you’ve not he’s just going to pull you to bed, holding you tight and lulling you to sleep.

during work hours, you walk over to him, wrapping your arms. 

‘y/n....we only do this after work.’

‘so you don’t want my hugs then?’

stays silent and just lets you stay there for as long as you want. he will tolerate you and you only.

kunikida loves you a lot. sometimes he might not show it, but just know that the love he has for you is drastic it tears you up. 

--------------------------------------------------

(a/n): i am s o r r y this took so long! ahh i’ve had so much to do and i really do hope this was worth it!

[firstfullmoon]

Do you have favorite quotes related about the importance of small details?

“The precious intimacy of little things.”

— Daphné du Maurier, I Will Never Be Young Again

“On my windowsill when I got home, there was a tumbler with pink jelly in it, and embedded in the jelly, sliced strawberries and bananas… [my neighbour] cooks at odd hours. She must have made the strawberry jelly this morning. When I buy baklava, which is not often because I eat too many, I leave a few for her on her windowsill, with a headscarf over them so the wasps don’t come. For these little gifts we don’t thank each other with words. They are commas of care.”

— John Berger, From A to X: A Story in Letters

“I suppose I could spend time theorizing how it is that people are not bad to each other, but that’s really not the point. The point is that in almost every instance of our lives, our social lives, we are, if we pay attention, in the midst of an almost constant, if subtle, caretaking. Holding open doors. Offering elbows at crosswalks. Letting someone else go first. Helping with the heavy bags. Reaching what’s too high, or what’s been dropped. Pulling someone back to their feet. Stopping at the car wreck, at the struck dog. The alternating merge, also known as the zipper. This caretaking is our default mode and it’s always a lie that convinces us to act or believe otherwise. Always.”

“One of the woman was gently arranging an older woman’s collar beneath her sweater, freeing it from the cardigan’s neck, using both of her hands to jostle it free but also seeming to spend a little more time than necessary, creasing the fold of the collar, the other hand kind of resting on her shoulder, the two of them chatting the whole time, sitting there holding each other, nodding, my head twisting toward them like a sunflower as I finished the stairs and walked by, so in love was I with this common flourish of love, this everyday human light.”

“but her need to share the photo with me [...] smiling and looking at it, smiling and looking at me looking at it, me smiling and looking at her looking at it, which is simply called sharing what we love, what we find beautiful, which is an ethics.”

— Ross Gay, The Book of Delights

“He’s got a fever. He’s all alone. So I’m gonna buy him something to eat.” “The congee downstairs is quite good.” “He doesn’t want congee.” “What does he want?” “Can’t taste anything so he wants sesame syrup.” [...] “What are you cooking?” “I had a sudden craving for sesame syrup.”

“Why did you call me at the office today?” “I had nothing to do. I wanted to hear your voice.”

— In the Mood for Love, dir. Wong Kar-Wai

— Danusha Laméris, “Small Kindnesses”

“It all matters. That someone turns out the lamp, picks up the windblown wrapper, says hello to the invalid, pays at the unattended lot, listens to the repeated tale, folds the abandoned laundry, plays the game fairly, tells the story honestly, acknowledges help, gives credit, says good night, resists temptation, wipes the counter, waits at the yellow, makes the bed, tips the maid, remembers the illness, congratulates the victor, accepts the consequences, takes a stand, steps up, offers a hand, goes first, goes last, chooses the small portion, teaches the child, tends to the dying, comforts the grieving, removes the splinter, wipes the tear, directs the lost, touches the lonely, is the whole thing. What is most beautiful is least acknowledged. What is worth dying for is barely noticed.”

— Laura McBride, We Are Called to Rise

“I’ve never told you this,” she said. “But there’s something about taking the cart back instead of leaving it in the parking lot. I don’t know when this came to me; it was a few years ago. There’s a difference between leaving it where you empty it and taking it back to the front of the store. It’s significant.” “Because somebody has to take them in.” “Yes. And if you know that, and you do it for that one guy, you do something else. You join the world…You move out of your isolation and become universal.”

— Andre Dubus, “Out of the Snow”

“It’s true that, in Vietnamese, we rarely say I love you, and when we do, it is almost always in English. Care and love, for us, are pronounced clearest through service: plucking white hairs, pressing yourself on your son to absorb a plane’s turbulence and, therefore, his fear. Or now—as Lan called to me, “Little Dog, get over here and help me help your mother.” And we knelt on each side of you, rolling out the hardened cords in your upper arms, then down to your wrists, your fingers. For a moment almost too brief to matter, this made sense—that three people on the floor, connected to each other by touch, made something like the word family.”

— Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous: A Novel

— Ada Limón, from “The Great Blue Heron of Dunbar Road”

“I’m doing a balancing act with a stack of fresh fruit in my basket. I love you. I want us both to eat well.”

— Christopher Citro, from “Our Beautiful Life When It’s Filled WIth Shrieks”

“One of the primary ways we connect with each other is by eating together. Some of the connection happens simply by being in the same place at the same time and sharing the same food, but we also connect through specific actions, such as serving food to one another or making toasts: ‘May I offer you some potatoes?’ ‘Here’s to your health and happiness.’ Much of our fundamental well-being comes from the basic reassurance that there is a place for us at the table. We belong here. Here we are served and we serve others. Here we give and receive sustenance.”

— Edward Espe Brown, Tomato Blessings and Radish Teaching

“Attention is the beginning of devotion.”

“Now in the spring I kneel, I put my face into the packets of violets, the dampness, the freshness, the sense of ever-ness. Something is wrong, I know it, if I don’t keep my attention on eternity. May I be the tiniest nail in the house of the universe, tiny but useful. May I stay forever in the stream. May I look down upon the windflower and the bull thistle and the coreopsis with the greatest respect.”

“it is a serious thing

just to be alive on this fresh morning in this broken world.”

— Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays / from “Invitation”

— Wendy Cope, “The Orange”

“After learning my flight was detained 4 hours, I heard the announcement: if anyone in the vicinity of gate 4-A understands any Arabic, please come to the gate immediately. Well—one pauses these days. Gate 4-A was my own gate. I went there. An older woman in full traditional Palestinian dress, just like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing loudly. Help, said the flight service person. Talk to her. What is her problem? We told her the flight was going to be four hours late and she did this. I put my arm around her and spoke to her haltingly. Shu dow-a, shu-biduck habibti, stani stani schway, min fadlick, sho bit se-wee? The minute she heard any words she knew—however poorly used—she stopped crying. She thought our flight had been canceled entirely. She needed to be in El Paso for some major medical treatment the following day. I said no, no, we’re fine, you’ll get there, just late. Who is picking you up? Let’s call him and tell him. We called her son and I spoke with him in English. I told him I would stay with his mother until we got on the plane and would ride next to her—Southwest. She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just for the fun of it. Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while in Arabic and found out, of course, they had ten shared friends. Then I thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian poets I know and let them chat with her. This all took up about 2 hours. She was laughing a lot by then. Telling about her life. Answering questions. She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool cookies—little powdered sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and nuts—out of her bag—and was offering them to all the women at the gate. To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the traveler from California, the lovely woman from Laredo—we were all covered with the same powdered sugar. And smiling. There are no better cookies. And then the airline broke out the free beverages from huge coolers—non-alcoholic—and the two little girls from our flight, one African American, one Mexican American—ran around serving us all apple juice and lemonade, and they were covered with powdered sugar, too. And I noticed my new best friend—by now we were holding hands—had a potted plant poking out of her bag, some medicinal thing with green furry leaves. Such an old country traveling tradition. Always carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere. And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and thought, this is the world I want to live in. The shared world. Not a single person in this gate—once the crying of confusion stopped—has seemed apprehensive about any other person. They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women, too. This can still happen anywhere. Not everything is lost.”

— Naomi Shihab Nye, “Gate A4″

“Then there are the things, if you are particularly lucky, that this person has done for you while you’re away: how in the pantry, in the freezer, in the refrigerator will be all the food you like to eat, the scotch you like to drink. There will be the sweater you thought you lost the previous year at the theater, clean and folded and back on its shelf. There will be the shirt with its dangling buttons, but the buttons will be sewn back in place. There will be your mail stacked on one side of his desk; there will be a contract for an advertising campaign you’re going to do in Germany for an Austrian beer, with his notes in the margin to discuss with your lawyer. And there will be no mention of it, and you will know that it was done with genuine pleasure, and you will know that part of the reason—a small part, but a part—you love being in this apartment and in this relationship is because this other person is always making a home for you, and that when you tell him this, he won’t be offended but pleased, and you’ll be glad, because you meant it with gratitude.”

— Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life

[dinosaurtsukki]

BSD x university au hc’s | pt. 1

hi i am an absolute slut for university au’s in case you couldn’t tell so i just had to write some for my first BSD post. also this is going to be slightly ooc because i am a crackhead

check out pt. 2 here

***********************************************

Atsushi Nakajima:

he’s definitely the kind of guy who still had no idea what he’d take up in university even after he was accepted 

either wants to not major in anything at all or just major in everything because he’s also scared that he’ll eventually not like what he’s majoring in

so for his first two years you’d probably find him jumping around different classes 

also he still calls the professors ‘teacher ____’ like a high school student and everyone laughs but thinks its cute

eventually, because of his *cough cough* traumatic childhood he decided he wanted to help children by becoming a guidance counselor

he ends up taking Child Psychology and bOY does he love it so much

well he actually just loves all of his classes because Learning is Fun

although because of his *cough cough* traumatic childhood he’s the one in class that people are all like 👀👀

atsushi: *talking about children’s responses to fear and emotional abuse by talking about his own emotional abuse*

the professor, under their breath: wait, do you need help?? 

i can definitely see atsushi as a Roommate of the Year kind of guy. he’s just so polite and tidy with his room. also he’d definitely be the type to take care of plants inside the dorm room and put them on the windowsill

in terms of extracurricular activities, he’s definitely a sporty type of person so i can see him joining a varsity (something like Frisbee because he likes things that go whoooosh) but he’d probably join a student org that does stuff like community outreach

because of all this, he is a Very Busy Boy but his friends do manage to drag him out to parties once in a while

although atsushi would probably sit in a corner and drink only one beer for the entire night 

he’s notorious for helping drunk people though. most of the time he’ll be putting blankets on people and making them drink water

if he knew how to drive he’d definitely be the designated driver

Akiko Yosano:

omg i’m so excited for this i love yosano so much 

she’s the friend who’s just effortlessly awesome all around and a fricking MED STUDENT to top it all off

she gets a bit too excited when it’s dissection time but it’s alright she has good intentions 

probably the only one in your class who doesn’t go and throw up whenever a cadaver is being used (actually do they still use cadavers i have absolutely no idea)

she also interns at the local hospital as part of her degree program but OMG yosano will not stop telling disgusting stories about the patients she’s had

everyone: *eating lunch peacefully in the dining hall*

yosano: so i pulled a guy’s toe out of a meat grinder this morning

everyone: sHUT UP

for some reason she still has a social life despite being a med student and it’s one of the mysteries of life i guess

yosano LOVES going out clubbing on friday nights. if you have the fortune of being her roommate, be prepared for make-overs and being dragged with her out to the city

she’s such a social butterfly like at every bar you go to, the bartender knows her name and her regular order. she’d probably end the night befriending a couple more people

also she’s amazing at karaoke i kid you not

as for extracurricular life, i don’t think yosano’s the type to join an org that’s related to her major cause like ‘what’s the point?’

instead, she’d probably go wherever her friends are because to her, she’ll enjoy any activity as long as she’s with people she loves

but when it comes to her own interests, i can definitely see yosano as someone who loves the outdoors, especially hiking after having to be cooped up inside clinics

it just makes her love and appreciate the value of life more

Kunikida Doppo:

ok, i KNOW he was a math teacher before he joined the ADA bUT i can’t help but think of him as a political science major ??

i can definitely imagine kunikida as someone who’d want to become a lawyer someday and would take political science as a pre-law

he does like the idea of following in the footsteps of great men but omg kunikida would absolutely hate the exclusivity of white, male political theorists

he is such a good student except for when his professor has some sketchy values then kunikida will !! fight him !! every !! chance !! he gets !!

raises his hand constantly to contradict his professor if they even tRY to defend thomas hobbes and authoritarianism

but other than that he’s probably the most diligent student out there. kunikida genuinely enjoys doing the readings for class and writing essays

also has such a balanced schedule that he can make time for anything and everything

except for when his friends dazai drag him out to parties and get a social life

despite how rigid he is, kunikida has absolutely no problem helping out others with learning. he often holds study sessions in his dorm room or in the library before exams

he also likes to volunteer in tutorial centers because he’s just like that

OH OH some of his ‘students’ suggested that he make crash-course type videos for political science and it took some convincing but eventually kunikida decided to go for it

he’s not the most tech savvy or photogenic person so it took some time for him to get used to things but after seeing all the comments from people who benefited from it, he decided to continue with his crash course videos

whether or not he’s the best or worst roommate is completely up to you. if you like someone who’ll basically micromanage your life from your daily schedule to your study habits, you’ll absolutely love him

he doesn’t like to go out for parties that much but he will if his friends convince him enough (kunikida’s an utter lightweight when it comes to drinking though)

Osamu Dazai: 

i genuinely have a hard time thinking about what this guy’s major would be and tbh even his friends have been wondering what dazai’s major was for TWO YEARS

that’s because he keeps taking the most random ass classes like Basic Pottery or Intro to Molecular Biology in the same semester

idk how he even plans to graduate at this point

although to be honest, i can definitely see him as a philosophy major despite the fact that i LOATHE every male classmate i’ve had who’s a philosophy major (idk they’re always so condescending)

i feel like dazai’s just taking that because it’s somewhat challenging for him but to him, university life is just more of crazy experiences rather than learning

and oh my god has he gotten up to the weirdest shit

the number of times he had to climb gates or sleep on benches at three a.m. is too many to count

dazai also loves volunteering for random things like people’s thesis projects (once, he offered to be a snake venom tester to a bio student and they told him that was illegal) or even being the school’s mascot in games

also he and kunikida probably met each other in freshman year at an intro to philosophy class and oh my god did dazai get on his nerves

what’s worse was that they had to work on a group project together and dazai was MIA most of the time and it drove kunikida crazy

that is until dazai showed up last minute to pull an all-nighter with him for their paper and kunikida just couldn’t help but be impressed by dazai’s ~~intellect~~

they don’t exactly get along but they do have some mutual respect for each other enough to work on projects well

omg if dazai ends up being your roommate I WISH YOU LUCK 

the first time you walked into your room dazai was microwaving a metal bowl and you had to run to stop it in time

also he has a tendency to wear his headphones and sing his favorite double suicide song out loud 

kunikida please come pick him up

Edogawa Ranpo:

i love this one man so much i swear to god 

ranpo is definitely the kind of person who just didn’t like school so when college applications came around he was just like ‘why bother though ???’

his friends did convince him by saying that he wouldn’t have to do subjects he wouldn’t like and just focus on his major (this is a lie btw)

is it a surprise that ranpo would choose forensic science ?? NO

he thinks its cool that he can learn about something he’s already super good at and it just gets him really pumped up to show off how good he is

LOVES getting praised by his classmates and professors

ranpo probably thinks lectures are boring as hell so sometimes he just,,, doesn’t,,, come,,, to class

if attendance IS required you can bet he’s bringing snacks and game consoles with him and sitting WAAAAY in the back of the room

Mukbang at a Lecture Hall with Edogawa Ranpo

his classmates think its cute that he puts on glasses before doing exams or answering his prof’s questions as a way to hype himself up

everyone calls him ‘The Greatest Detective’ and ranpo LOVES IT

despite that, he’s not too overly social he just likes being with his close group of friends UwU

he’s also someone you can drag around to places like the fair or an aquarium, but he’s not into clubbing or drinking for that matter

he DOES enjoy seeing his friends get drunk and mess with them though

ranpo isn’t into joining student organizations BUT he gets scouted a lot by detective agencies and he likes interning for them

i’m saying detective agencies because police are gross

ranpo did end up joining a baking club with the assumption that he would just be EATING the cake and not BAKING the cake

yeah he was just there for less than half a semester

***********************************************

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @waitforitillwritemywayout @tpwkatsumu @laure-chan​

[plaidbooks]

Prompt: I am your new neighbor and I got locked out help. Lawyer Sonny because that man needs to loosen up and get a friend.

Locked Out

A/N: This ended up being slightly different than you asked, but I agree that Sonny needs a friend! I hope you enjoy and thanks for requesting!

Tags: none, just a bad day

Words: 1220

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy @infiniteoddball @ben-c-group-therapy @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @lv7867 @storiesofsvu @cycat4077 @shroomiehomie @glimmerglittergirl @alwaysachorusgirl @joanofarkansass @reading--mermaid @averyhotchner @mrsrafaelbarba @dreamlover31 @detective-giggles @crowleysqueenofhell

Today was the worst day on a pile of bad days. You couldn’t even be happy that it was Friday, the weekend stretched in front of you. Saturday would be spent sleeping in to recover from your exhaustion and trying to pull yourself out of your shitty mood. And then Sunday would be dedicated to cramming as many errands and chores together as possible before work on Monday. You hated it, hated the monotony…and your job. Even thinking about work on Monday was enough to clench your jaw, frustrated tears in your eyes.

Of course, the elevator in your building was busted, so you started climbing the stairs to your apartment, your anger increasing with every step you took until you reached the 4th floor. You shoved your hand in your pocket, clenching your key in a fist. You stuck it in the keyhole and turned, but it held fast.

“Oh, come on,” you muttered, trying to turn it again. But the key didn’t move. Gripping the doorknob, you tried to force it to turn, but it stayed resolutely locked. You redoubled your efforts, one hand trying to turn the key, the other trying to turn the doorknob.

“Let me in, dammit!” you yelled through clenched teeth. You continued trying until the key snapped in your hand. You let out a frustrated growl, pounding on the stupid door, calling it every name under the sun.

You didn’t even hear a person approaching you from behind. “Uh, may I help you?”

You whipped around, face to face with a tall man in an immaculate suit, attaché in hand. You scoffed—this man trying to help you—before turning back to your door.

“I don’t need your help. My damn key broke, and I need to call a fucking locksmith,” you spat back.

The man shifted uncomfortably. “Um…that’s my door though?” It was a statement, but he phrased it like a question, obviously not wanting to piss you off more.

You stopped fighting the door long enough to look at the address. 4B. You groaned—you were 4D. Unbidden, tears flooded your eyes, spilling over and down your cheeks. You leaned forward against the door, not wanting this stranger to see you cry—especially since he was a neighbor—but being unable to stop your tears.

“H-hey, it’s fine! I’ll call a locksmith, okay?” he said, pulling his phone from his pocket. You heard him give the details to the locksmith, and you moved to sit against the wall, sobbing against your knees.

The man hung up, then leaned against the wall opposite you—not like he could go home. You took care of that for him. “He said maybe 20 minutes before he’s here.” You nodded vaguely, still hiding your face. “My name’s Dominick by the way…” but you were hardly listening, stuck in a loop of self-hatred and misery.

Sonny fell into silence, unsure how to cheer you up. But your little sniffles were making him frown. “Look, everyone has a bad day…I’m not upset or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he tried.

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” you muttered, your voice muffled.

He let out a soft sigh. “You’re not, I promise. Humans make mistakes, especially when upset. It happens—” “Please stop talking.”

Sonny shut his mouth, resigned to waiting for the locksmith while he scrolled through emails, trying to ignore your soft sobs.

Eventually, the locksmith appeared. Sonny shook his hand, then explained what had happened and how he’d need to unlock both doors. The man laughed at your stupidity, and your face grew warmer in humiliation. You moved aside, letting him work on Sonny’s door, but Sonny instead directed him to your place. He figured you’d want to get out of there quickly.

The locksmith took about 2 minutes to pop your lock open, and without saying thank you, you rushed in and slammed the door behind you. You needed a hot shower and to really cry, to let it all out. Besides, you had a spare key inside.

Sonny winced as the door slammed shut. “Guess you’re paying for this, then?” the locksmith joked, grinning and elbowing Sonny in the ribs.

“Y-yeah, that’s fine,” he replied, still thinking about how upset you were. The locksmith went and knelt in front of Sonny’s door, working on pulling the broken key out. But his mind was working on something to do for you. Since becoming an ADA, bad days were happening more frequently in Sonny’s life, and he was trying to think of things he’d like to cheer up. An idea came to him just as the locksmith popped his door open.

“Thank you,” Sonny said, pulling his wallet out and paying the man. He went into his own apartment, setting his case down and moving to change into a Henley and sweats. Then, he started taking out pots and pans, setting in on dinner.

 ************

After standing in the shower until your hot water ran out, you moved to pour yourself a drink and then flop on the couch. You thought about bed, about just sleeping this shitty day away, but alcohol may help. So, you sipped idly, watching whatever was on tv, replaying the whole week in your head.

There was a knock on your door, but you ignored it; you didn’t want to talk or see anyone. But they didn’t go away, knocking again. You clutched your glass tighter as they knocked a third time. Slamming your drink down, you stomped over to the door, throwing it open.

“What?!” you yelled as you answered.

Sonny stood in your doorway, blinking. He shuffled uncomfortably, then held up a little container. “I thought I’d make you some food? I know when I have a shitty day, I don’t want to cook….”

You closed your eyes, cursing yourself for yelling at him. “I—thank you. It’s just…it’s been a week….”

“Look, I get it. Everyone has bad days, weeks. Including me. We just gotta pick ourselves up, remember the good things in life…like free food,” he ended with a smile. Your lips twitched upwards, and he gave you a bigger grin. “There’s a smile.”

His mood was infectious, and you smiled for real. You took the container gratefully, placing it on the table just inside your door. Sonny turned to leave, making it a few steps before you went after him.

“Wait!” you said, making him stop and turn back towards you. Without thinking, you launched into his chest, hugging him tightly. Sonny hesitated a moment before he wrapped your arms around you loosely. “Thanks again, for everything.”

He chuckled, his chest vibrating against your cheek. “No problem; we all need help sometimes.”

You slowly let go of him, leaning away. “What was your name again?” you asked, embarrassed that you just hugged someone you didn’t know.

“Dominick. But you can call me Sonny, if you want.”

You grinned. “My sonshine on a rainy day.” That made him smile, a big, goofy grin that made you melt. “I like Dominick, though. It’s a good name.”

“Yeah, I like it too…. Well, enjoy dinner. I’m going to go do some dishes. Have a nice night.”

“Thank you again…. Have a good night, yourself.”

You both separated, going to your respective apartments, smiling like a pair of idiots.

[catintheruemorgue]

dazai x reader word count: 1.9k

authors note: i was super drunk when i wrote this, i may not write another dazai fic unless i get strong inspiration haha

TW: major character death, dissociation, people dying, panic attacks

Dust and rubble were everywhere as you ran along the streets. A new threat was attacking the ADA but this time they went all out. They were bombing the whole city and killing so many people. Once again the Port Mafia and the ADA had to fight together to protect the city you all loved. Nobody even knew who these people were, you only knew where they were from and that was Italy. Perhaps this was the Italian Mafia? Who knew but if so why were they attacking the whole city and not just the Port Mafia? Who knows all you knew was your lungs were burning from how fast you ran. Suddenly you heard a loud BOOM and ducked behind a wall as debris flew everywhere. A decent sized piece hit you right in the face and you fell to the ground. Your eyes squeezed shut as you felt the warm blood run down your face.

Dazai had to be somewhere, you were sent on this mission together. As you heard a woman scream you jumped up, not caring how bad your head hurt and ran towards her. Right as you were about to grab onto her arm to lead her somewhere safe a man jumped out from the smoke and slit her throat. Without a second thought you grabbed your gun and shot him in the head. You turned and gagged. You never had to kill while being in the ADA, it was very rare, so rare you could count it on your hands. This was number two for you. These people were animals. After taking some deep breaths and putting your gun away you turned to run but instead slammed into someone. You thought fast and grabbed your knife ready to gut someone if you had to, except someone grabbed your wrist and squeezed. This isn't someone trying to hurt you this was-

“Dazai-san?” Your voice was hoarse and your throat hurt from all the smoke.

“Don't go running off on me because you're scared YN-chan.” For everything that was going on his tone was all too cheery.

“Dazai I just killed someone.” To Dazai you knew you sounded so pathetic.

Christ the man had a kill count higher than you could imagine this could be like childsplay to him. Not that not was even the time to be thinking about it but the two of yours relationship was complicated. Sometimes you were formal and sometimes you werent. Somedays you acted like friends and some days you acted like lovers who couldn't be ripped apart. Perhaps it was due to his fear of commitment he never put a label on it but you two had had sex and one time even made love. That's way more than friends, especially when it came to Dazai.

“Best not to worry about that right now, come on.” His tone was not as cheerful.

He began to pull you away, all while he dogged the debris that was coming. The sounds of explosions went off all around you. That was the mission, get to the center of Yokohama and activate your ability. Your ability was called “Reality Check” it could turn anything within a two hundred foot radius of you fake or not. With the help of Ranpo, you had somehow realized that if you made it to the center of the city and activated your ability, like a metal, It would conduct and spread everywhere and affect everything. This could hurt you or drain you almost to death. Yosano was supposed to come with you to heal you but had to stay back when everyone realized just how insane these people were. The death toll was going to be the biggest they've ever seen. So Dazai was sent with you to use his ability istead.

One hand held onto the bandaged man while the other held onto a dagger. The smoke was so thick all around you almost couldn't even see him three feet in front of you. All of the sudden a man jumped out and grabbed onto your arm and ripped you from your friends grasp. You let you a short but loud yell as he threw you down to the ground. He must've dragged you a couple feet from Dazai because you could hear him but you couldn't see him. Your cheek stung from the scrap that now marked it as you fought your hardest. Your scream for Dazai was cut short by this man's hands wrapping around your neck. Was this it? You could barely breathe due to the smoke, the minute his hands squeezed you felt lightheaded. As you felt around you grabbed a rock. It wasn't big enough to hit him over the head, so you did what that suicidal lunatic taught you and aimed for the funny bone. At least he would loosen his grip. You knew you hit it when he grunted another hit might bet him to stop but relief washed over you all of the sudden.

You gasped for air, you filled your lungs to their capacity. Almost drunk off the feeling of being able to breathe again you hadn't noticed that Dazai had stabbed your knife into the enemy's throat. Even as he spit up his blood onto you, you smiled at the sky.

“I'm glad you remembered what I taught you YN-chan. I haven't had to get this bloody since my Port Mafia days.” His cheerful attitude was back although he had a far away look in his eyes. Maybe this is who he really was, beneath the plethora of masks. It's almost like he missed this, but, maybe he did. He lent his hand to you and you took it.

“We are almost there, Dazai.”

He’d never seen you like this before. So much dirt and grime on your face and ripped clothes. You were so skittish but ready to attack. This would change you and perhaps he'd be an asshole and ask you to be his after all of this. For all he knows, maybe while you have that lost look in your eye while getting healed he'd profess his love so you have no other choice but to say yes. You could not see him but he smiled at this.

The building came into view and you both ran through the doors and down to the basement. When you got down there you both got to work. You found the right spot and sat down. Your legs screamed in relief.

“Atsushi and Akutagawa are ready to take out the bombers as soon as this works.” You said it to Dazai but more to yourself.

He gave you a nod and sat on a filing cabinet. You activated your ability and tried to focus. All you could think about was how you killed someone, all the blood on you, how many people died. The bombs seemed to have died down a bit but some were still falling. Your whole body hurt and you were about to fall over until Dazai grabbed you.

“No!” You were about to push him away and he grabbed you tighter.

“It wont work YN, you'll die. They will figure it out you have helped enough. We need to get you back to Yosano.” He grabbed you and carried you to the doorway.

Right as you were about to exit another bomb went off and debris covered your way out. Dust and concrete were falling from the ceiling above you. It was very unstable. Dazai put you down and started to try and remove the debris from the pathway. The ceiling was so unsteady, one more bomb and it would come crashing down. Now you started to panic. Your breaths were coming out short and fast. You were gonna die, you were gonna die, you were gonna die.

“Dazai!” Your voice cracked as you yelled his name.

You held onto your stomach as you doubled over, hyperventilating. Dazai knew there was no way out. Too much debris, even if you two went at it like animals you wouldn't get it free in time and you were way too weak to use your ability. Huh. All the ways he’s been targeted, all the ways he's tried to kill himself, he's going to be crushed to death? At least it's with a pretty lady. He turned around and watched you, your eyes squeezed shut, panting so much drool was starting to come out. He was surprised you hadn't passed out yet. Death, you were so scared but maybe it was for the best. Would someone as delicate and beautiful as you be able to recover after this?

“Osamu, I don't want to die. I want to live! Please save me! I don't want to die please oh. Oh please I don't want to die!” Your hands went to your hair and you gagged.

Dazai went up to you and grabbed your arms, in an instant your hands grabbed onto the fabric of his clothes. You weren’t ready to die, not like he was. The sobs that came from your mouth were loud and ugly. Never in your life did you think he’d ever see you this way, but at this point nothing even felt real. Your face hit his chest and your tears soaked into the cloth as he held you.

The man knew you must be dissociated by now, so petrified of your inexorable death that your brain would rather confuse reality with what was real. He rocked you back and forth as he listened to the chaos outside the building. When you're suicidal, death isn’t scary until someone you love and care for meets their demise. He was scared but only for you so hey, what was he gonna do? Dazai was half tempted to knock you out so you wouldn’t actually have to hear the last bomb and the ceiling above you crumble but he also had this super selfish need to not be alone right now.

“Osamu, tell me you love me.” Your voice sounded far away and it shook as you held onto him.

He could feel your cheek squished up against his chest. His eyes widened a bit. So you knew huh? He always knew there was something special about you. Dazai knew it was coming.

“I love you, YN.”

“I love you too Osamu.”

Like you always could, you made his heart flutter.

“Now listen to my heartbeat and count with me my beautiful belladonna!”

“5”

He knew it would hit any second you as you both continued to rock back and forth.

“4”

You felt like you really were waltzing through a field with flowers and willow trees and a beautiful sunset. Dazai’s heartbeat made you feel safe.

“3”

Dazai could feel tears welling up in his eyes. This is always what he wanted. To die with a beautiful woman. Why does this seem so hard?

“2”

Nothing was real. Only you and him swaying. Where were you? A ballroom? Your living room again?

“1”

Dazai looked up as he heard the biggest crash and explosion of the day, it must’ve happened right outside the building. Everything started to shake, dust started to fall and the entire foundation started to crumble. You smiled.

“Goodnight Osamu, I’ll see you when we wake up.”

The first tear in years fell down his face as everything went dark.

[grumpyhedgehogs]

Compartmentalization

Ada Wong tries to keep her work as a mercenary far fro her private life--and very, very far away from her secret girlfriend, Claire Redfield. Her clients don't know about Claire, Claire doesn't know about her clients, and Ada likes it that way.

Raccoon City blows that all to hell.

Or: Resident evil 2 if Ada and Claire were girlfriends before the game started.

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, guns, blood, death, spoilers.

AO3.

~

“You,” Ada tells the zombie lurching after her, “are ruining my date.”

The zombie gurgles on its own blood and Ada dispatches it with minimal disgusted grunting. To be fair, he isn’t actually interrupting her date--that honor goes to the mission as a whole. Damn it, but she’d promised she’d take Claire out on a road trip to celebrate her finishing her final exams this year. Well, Ada would let Claire take her on a road trip, because Ada Wong did not do long sweaty hours stuck in a car in traffic with nothing to do. Long sweaty hours stuck to Claire on the back of her girlfriend’s bike? Now that Ada could do.

But she isn’t doing that, and it is entirely her client’s fault. “ Capitalism ,” Ada spits, echoing Claire’s voice in her head. Against her better judgement, she feels the corners of her mouth lift. Smiling about a girl even when she’s alone? God, she’s hopeless. “Get a grip , Wong. That sample has to be around here somewhere.”

~

“You’re FBI?”

“Yes,” Ada snaps testily, folding her fake badge up and slipping it back into her coat pocket. “And you're interrupting a private investigation.”

The cop frowns, eyes darting to the dog’s body on the concrete two feet from his face and the blood spatters on the walls. Any second now, another dead body might smash its way through another wall and be upon them. His thoughts are written clear across his face-- there’s a few better things for them to worry about than an investigation.

The guy is a rookie, through and through. His face is open and unlined. While he’s healthy and unscathed, he’s also obviously awkward in such a life-threatening situation. He’s never done this before, never brushed with death on the daily. He looks like a kicked puppy. Ada’s almost tempted to put him down right here and now, just to save him the pain and herself the trouble.

Claire would be pissed if she ever found out. Not that she would, but still. She’d want to know the cop’s name and where he’s from and how he got here. Claire would want to help him.

(Claire was never supposed to factor into Ada’s decision making. She was supposed to be a fling, someone to take the edge off and help Ada destress a little between missions. She wasn’t supposed to wriggle her way into Ada’s head, wasn’t supposed to slip through the chinks of Ada’s armor, and yet, here Claire is. She's with Ada without even being present. Claire is somehow essential for Ada to continue living. Love, Ada thinks, is a bitch .)

“Right,” Ada grumbles, and pulls her sunglasses off. He seems more comfortable when he can see her eyes, even if Ada rolls them as he releases the tension from his shoulders. “We’d better work together here.”

~

“This isn’t a game!” Ada snaps. Leon bristles but subsides.

“I know, alright? There were so many more of us--survivors--before, and now…”

His eyes are far away and Ada snorts. “Don’t worry, Rookie, I’m sure whatever little girlfriend you have got the hell out of town. Which is what you should be doing.”

His mouth falls open but he doesn’t look like he’s on the brink of tears anymore, so Ada considers it a win. Hysterics are the last thing she needs right now. No, what Ada needs right now is a goddamn breakthrough with this mission if she wants to go home in one piece. “She’s not my--”

“Yeah, yeah, save it. You know that’s twice I’ve saved your ass now?”

“I didn’t realize you were keeping score.”

~

“We need to terminate her before she turns.”

The words taste like ash in her mouth. Leon shifts anxiously beside her. Ada feels bile rise in her throat. She used to be able to hold her gun up without her trigger finger trembling.

(What would Ada do if it were the one person she cares about half-dead and turning?)

“Ada...Leave them be,” Leon murmurs.

She lowers the gun and resolutely does not think about Claire's skin going grey.

~

If she gets out of this, Ada Wong is going to absolutely tear her client apart for sending her into this mess. No sample is worth listening to Leon drone on about all the people he’s worried about.

“What about you?” Leon looks up from rummaging through a safe box for ammunition. Ada hums, tapping at the keyboard in front of her. They seem to be just above the Umbrella building she needs to get into; if they call the tram, they should be down there in just a few minutes. “Do you have anyone you’re here for?”

“No.” Thank God. Claire is still back on the coast, waiting in her dorm room for Ada to come back from her “last minute work trip.” She’d promised Ada she would wait for her to come back before starting her road trip, so they could go together. Ada’s been hoping to get some of her own research done before she gets back to Claire anyway; something about Claire’s brother disappearing into radio silence in this very city rubs her very much the wrong way. Claire could be walking straight into a trap. So yeah, maybe there was an ulterior motive for Ada taking this mission, if only to scout ahead and save her girlfriend the trouble of getting herself killed by the dead.

Good thing she has Ada to look after her.

“Oh. Well, that’s good, I guess. No family? Friends?”

“I’m here for the mission, Leon.”

Ada’d almost left him for dead many times; what good would he do her? Leon’s been an unexpected boon in the city, but he’ll run out of usefulness eventually. They all do. (But Claire would like him. He’s got the same fire. Ada settles for muttering darkly to herself about how soft she’s becoming for one redhead with a temper.)

“Yeah,” he concedes glumly. Damn it, it looks like the tram is manually operated; they’ll have to get down to the platform to power it up; Ada can’t call it to them from here. She’s so busy fuming she almost misses his next comment. “Still, there are innocent people in this city who are going to need our help to get out of this mess. Like the girl I came here with. I hope she’s found her brother…”

What? No.  

No, it can’t be. There are so many people living--or undead, now--in Raccoon City. Claire is at college, a million miles away, and she’s smart. She wouldn’t come out to the middle of nowhere in the Midwest in the middle of the night after Ada asked her not to. She’s safe.

(She’s safe. She has to stay safe, because Claire is just about the only thing Ada has that isn’t part of her cover. She’s Ada’s . Ada’s to love, Ada’s to spoil, Ada’s to annoy, Ada’s to protect. She’s got to be safe.)

(But that doesn’t stop Ada’s blood from running cold. How many missing brothers can Raccoon City boast?)

~

Leon passes out from his wounds. The Claire voice in the back of her head won’t let Ada leave him to die; her stomach curdles at the thought of Claire finding out what she’s done, how ruthless Ada can really be. So Ada gives him her coat and resolves not to let herself think about how soft she’s getting until she’s curled up in the apartment no one but Claire knows about with a certain pretty redhead under her arm.

Ada ends up with a shard of scrap metal through her leg for going to the trouble of helping Leon.

Typical.

~

The rookie, to his credit, does come to save her. His face screws up when she gets up to limp her way to the tram with him but Ada shakes off his desperate attempts to help. She’s tired of this: she’s tired of being dirty and grimy, she’s tired of gunshots and blood spatter, she’s tired of not finishing her mission on time, and she’s tired of worrying about what Claire must be thinking right about now.

Claire isn’t even here!

(She’s tired of ignoring the increasingly loud thought that if Claire weren’t safe Ada would lose her mind.)

The tram is grey and drab and the most comfortable, safest place she’s been in since coming to this godforsaken city. Ada slumps gratefully into her seat and lets Leon fuss at her on the ride down. Her leg aches, pain radiating up the base of her spine and pulsing at the back of her skull. (What if the wound is infected-- )

Leon is still so young, a puppy dog through and through. It’s too easy to convince him to bring her the virus with a kiss.

(Thank God Claire isn’t here.)

(Her handler told her there’s another way to get the G-Virus if Leon can’t do the work for her, but even for Ada it’s distasteful. Sherry Birkin is as old as Emma was, and if she couldn’t pull the trigger when Emma was clearly dying, could she trust herself to do it when faced with a perfectly healthy little girl?)

~

Leon pulls a gun on her. Fantastic. Will this mission ever fucking end?

“Leon, please! We don’t have a lot of time--”

“As much as I wanted to trust you,” Leon snaps, scowling, “I didn’t.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Ada mutters to herself. Leon’s eyes don’t widen when her gun raises to match his. The facility shakes around them and the walkway rumbles beneath their feet. Ada curses whatever possessed her to wear heels tonight.

“Hey!” A voice that sends ice through her veins shouts from behind the man Ada has lined up in her sights. Leon’s shoulders are too broad to glimpse around, but she must have heard wrong, it can’t be--

“Whoever you are, you’d better get moving, this place is about to blow!”

Not taking his eyes off of her, Leon turns his head. “Claire?”

“Wha--Leon?”

“ No. ” Ada whispers, numb.

“Claire, get out of here!”

Claire is here. Claire didn’t listen to her. Claire came to Raccoon City to find her brother. Claire isn’t safe. Claire is coming up to stand shoulder to shoulder with Leon, eyes wide and darting between the two of them.

Claire sees Ada.

“Ada?” Claire jolts forward before curling a hand around Leon’s uninjured shoulder. “Leon, don’t hurt her! I know her--”

“No you don’t.” Leon says. Something deep in Ada’s core is shivering. Her throat has locked up, the muscles there spasming. Her mind is blank. How can this be happening? Claire isn’t supposed to be here. She isn’t supposed to see Ada like this. She isn’t supposed to know . “You may think you know her, Claire, but she’s a liar. I bet you think she’s FBI, huh?”

“I…” There’s a clang and a small, childish squeak and Claire whirls around, throwing out her hand. Behind her, a blonde girl Ada only saw in photographs before dropping into the city huddles on the nearest platform. “S-stay back! We’ll--let us just sort this out and then we’ll get out of here.”

Of course. Claire wouldn’t have left without trying to save a kid. This stupid, reckless, noble woman. (Ada loves her so , so much, so much that it makes her sick.)

“She isn’t FBI.” Leon spits, his eyes sparking. Ada sneers at him as best she can while her world turns upside down. Her feet are frozen to the floor even as it rolls beneath them. “She’s a mercenary and a liar. She tried to trick me into giving her the G-Virus so she can sell it to the top bidder.”

“No, no, you’re--you’ve got to be wrong.” Claire turns and her eyes are so green and wide and Ada can feel her heart cracking in her chest. “Ada, tell him he’s wrong. You’re not--you’re here to help, right? You’re here to help me.”

“Yes,” Ada says, but it scraps at the lining of her throat on the way up, comes out mangled and false. She’s never been this bad a liar before. But she’s got to keep trying; she’s hanging onto a ledge by her fingertips and if Claire turns from her, if she goes away, Ada will have nothing left to hold on to. Nothing matters now, not the G-Virus or Leon and his gun or the mission or the city set to explode around them. Nothing matters but Claire’s green eyes staring uncertainly into her own. ”Yes, that's right, Claire. I--I had to cut work short and I was worried you’d gone ahead to Raccoon City without me--”

“That’s a lie! Claire, she’s never once mentioned you. She’s only been lying to you. She wasn’t on a work trip before she got here, she came here for the virus and nothing else. Did you tell Claire you were FBI too, Ada? Or did you save that one for me?”

“Claire, who are you going to believe?” Ada asks, desperation clawing at her veins. But Claire’s gaze has shifted to the blood drops Ada can feel flaking against the skin of her cheeks and chest, to the gun in her hands she’s holding too steadily not to be trained in firearms. Claire’s always been too smart for her own good. “Your girlfriend or some rookie cop who’s in too far over his head and snapped under the pressure?”

“Sure didn’t seem like you had a girlfriend when you kissed me.”

“Shut up!”

She can’t be losing her cool like this. It’s dangerous, and while Ada likes danger, it’s also stupid. An amatuer move. How has she fallen this far?

Claire reels back a step. “Wh--what?”

“It’s not what you think,” Ada switches tactics. Denial isn’t working. But if she can twist this back around on Leon, maybe Claire will listen to her long enough for Ada to get them out of here. She can call her extraction team and, provided she’s snagged the virus off of either Leon or Sherry, hold it for ransom so they’ll let her take Claire to safety too. She’s in a rush, though, and getting sloppier by the second. In moments they won’t have a walkway to stand on as the NEST tumbles down around them. “I just needed to get to you as fast as possible. I’d do anything for you Claire.” (She really, really would.) “Let’s--let’s just take Sherry and go. Leon can keep the virus, I only wanted to make sure it was destroyed to protect you, but he can keep it if I know you’re with me and safe. Come on, get Sherry and we can leave.”

She knows as soon as she stops talking, breath bated, that she’s said the wrong thing. Claire takes tone, two, three slow steps back. “I never told you Sherry’s name.” Claire says quietly.

Leon speaks then, chiming in with more incrimination and defamation and any other accusation he can hurl at Ada, but it doesn’t matter. Ada can see the light that��s gone out of Claire’s eyes, can see the poison spreading through her mind like black veins. She’s adding up the late nights, the strange bruises, the way Ada is squirrely about work, all the times she’s used kisses and sex as distraction on Claire before. Damn Kennedy and his big mouth. Ada never should have saved him.

The three of them waver there on the precipice. Ada’s gun does not lower and neither does Leon’s. Claire doesn’t blink, her eyes never leaving Ada's, her face crumpled and confused and war-torn. Ada stares back, holding her gaze as if through sheer force of will she can make all of this stop happening, as if she could smooth this all over if she just keeps looking into Claire's eyes. For a second, no one moves, no one speaks.

The NEST makes their choice for them, though, as it crumbles, blocks of concrete crashing into their walkway and the platforms beyond. Sherry screams. Claire is thrown against the railing and Ada’s gun spirals out of her hands as the metal below her begins to give way. Ada almost screams herself when the floor really does disappear and her feet meet open air. Only Leon’s quick reflexes stop her from falling.

Her heart breaks open, a hot wave of something too strong to be sadness and too sweet to be defeat when Claire stumbles away. The redhead looks back once, a long, lingering look that Ada feels all the way down to her bones. Claire hesitates; Ada sees her shifting on the balls of her feet, moving to take a single step back towards where Ada dangles from Leon's fingertips. For the first time in a long time, Ada isn't sure of what Claire is thinking.

Sherry screams again. Claire's mouth opens and even though Ada can't hear over shrieking metal and growing fires, the sob Claire lets out shakes her to her core. Then Claire bundles the little girl into her arms and turns from her.

Ada looks up at Leon, who sweats and shakes and holds onto her for dear life not even a second after threatening to kill her.

“Take care of Claire for me,” Ada tells him, and lets go.

~

Later, holding on to the rope ladder swinging from the extraction helicopter her client sent for her, Ada wonders how long she’ll have to wait before she meets Claire Redfield again. If Ada has it her way, it won’t be long.

[villainousshakespeare]

Learning a Lesson Chapter 9

iLearning a Lesson Chapter 8

Part 1 Here, Part 2 Here, Part 3 Here, Part 4 Here, Part 5 Here, Part 6 Here, Part 7 Here, Part 8 Here

Young Actor Tom Hiddleston/OFC

Rated E -Smut, Angst, Complicated Relationship - Teacher/Actor Posing as Student, Feels, Flirting, Fluff, Oral Sex, Sex, Shower Sex, Threats, Breakups, Angst…

ANGST IN THIS CHAPTER! (but don’t worry… I’m a hopeless romantic)

Summary: It’s your first day as a teacher and things are going well. That is, until a tall, gorgeous boy with blond curls and dramatic ways saunters into your last class. When he ignores all the swooning girls to flirt outrageously with you, it is secretly thrilling. Even more so is when he tries to steal a kiss after class ends. How long will you be able to keep your defenses up?

Up and Coming actor Tom is under cover in high school for  research for a movie, but the pretty drama teacher is making the long assignment so much more enjoyable

@arch-venus25​, @caffiend-queen​ @ciaodarknessmyheart​ @frostbitten-written​ @just-the-hiddles​ @kellatron55​ @myoxisbroken​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @poetic-fiasco​ @shiningloki​ @shae-annelore​ @thecutestlittlebunbunfairy​ @hiddlesholic​ @yespolkadotkitty​ @vodka-and-some-sass​ @wolfsmom1​ @tom-hlover​ @toozmanykids​ @delightfulheartdream​ @whyispistashanuttaken​ @hopelessromanticspoonie​; @loki-yoursaviourishere​ @is-it-madness​

The Monday morning walk to school was the longest of Emily's life. With every step she took she was tempted to turn around and run the other way, hiding under her blankets and weeping rather than going on. Only a deep seated stubborn streak kept her from giving in to her fears and doing just that.

She needn't have worried. Tom was true to his word. There was no sign of him to be found in school. No infectious laugh ringing through the hallway, no tousled halo of blond hair floating above the shorter students amidst a throng of admirers, and no ice blue eyes seeking hers for a secret wink or speaking glance.

Emily told herself it was for the best. She hoped she would eventually believe it.

The other god-send was that Jim Howard seemed to have called in sick. A substitute was in his classroom when she got there, and never had she been so glad to see the old woman than she was that day. She assumed that it was his pride that kept him from walking into the building with a black eye and a swollen jaw, and took evil delight in the fact that Tom had so thoroughly trounced him.

Tom. There he was again. She could not go five minutes without calling him to mind. It was going to be a long day. Hell, it was going to be a long forever as far as she knew. How long would it take to get over the golden boy who had so completely won her heart?

Half a day was how long it took for the news of his exit to hit the school grapevine. Emily began hearing his name whispered during her fourth period class. By the time that class ended and she made her way to the staff lounge it was all anyone was talking about. Ada, Janis, and Mike were gossiping about it when she came in, a pathetic lunch of coffee and a banana in her hand.

"Well, anyone with eyes could have seen that that boy should be a movie star," Janis was opining. "It doesn't surprise me one bit."

"Oh, come on Janis," Mike laughed, skepticism showing, "he was handsome, sure, but there's no way you saw this coming!"

"I'm not saying that," Janis sniffed. "Obviously I didn't know he was an actor. But if anyone in this school was destined for greatness it was Martinsson."

"Hiddleston," Mike corrected her. "Apparently that's his real name. You're awfully quiet, Emily. You were close with the boy, weren't you? Tutoring him after hours and all?"

"Not that close," she said with a half shrug. "He claimed to want help with an audition monologue, but that was obviously for show. We never actually worked on it. Just class."

The words were true enough as far they went, even if the meaning behind them was an all out lie.

"Still, he clearly preferred you," Ada said, giving her a probing look. "I heard all sorts of chatter about how he always flirted with you, volunteering to read romantic scenes with you. I was a little jealous, to tell the truth. I mean, and I can say it now that I know he's a genuine adult - what I wouldn't have given for a chance to sculpt a nude of that boy!"

"No wonder Howard hated him so much," Mike laughed good naturedly. "It seems it's not just the high school girls who had a thing for him."

Emily did her best to tune them out after that, and took to eating in her classroom. The days blended into each other, with no end of the day secret to make them stand out as special.

The kids in her drama class were all excited of course. The thought that they had read scenes with an honest to goodness actor, one who was going to be starring in a movie, made them practically giddy. Kate began recirculating the lie that the two of them had been involved, and no one dared to correct her. Emily was angry on his behalf, offended that anyone would believe he would fool around with a student, until she realized the implications of that thought.

It was that guilt that was the worst. Well, along with the loneliness. Even if he had been an adult, she hadn't known that. She had thought him no different than Kate or Zack or Jamie, and she had slept with him anyway. She deserved all the pain she was feeling. Deserved more than that; to loose her job and never be hired again, even. More and more she slipped into a depression.

It was nine days after she had thrown him out of her apartment and her life that the first letter arrived. She grabbed her mail from the small slot inside the door and rifled through it on the way up the stairs as she always did, expecting nothing more than bills and solicitations. When she turned over an envelope addressed in an instantly recognizable hand, she felt as though she had been punched in the gut. Hands shaking, she opened the seal, afraid that if she didn't do it at once she would never find the courage, and unfolded a letter.

"My Darling Emily," it began in Tom's loopy mess of long hand, "I know I have no right to write to you, having broken your trust in the most caddish way possible. I only hope that you will allow me the opportunity to once more take advantage of your goodness of heart and kindness of disposition, that I may try to explain why I orchestrated such a hurtful charade.

"As you are patently aware now, I am an actor of both stage and screen. I take my profession very seriously, perhaps more so than it deserves, though I like to believe that you among all women will understand why. If I can peel away the layers of a character enough to expose the beating heart within, allowing my audience to sees even a piece of the truth of humanity in my portrayal, then I truly believe that I am contributing something to this shared experience we all are living. Pretentious as that sounds, it is my goal every time I assume a role, be it Iago or a soldier, or even Mr. Toad.

"When I was cast as a student from the States, I knew I had my work cut out for me. I was educated, I blush to say my love, in the best schools in England: Eton, Cambridge, and RADA. My good fortune has been quite excessive, I know, though no teacher I encountered in all of my tutelage could hold a candle to you, my darling. In any case, I was woefully unprepared to know the struggle such a young man was going through. My director came up with the idea to have me pose in a small town school, and I admit I leapt at the chance.

"Never in a million years would I have guessed that I would meet the woman of my dreams in such a situation.

"I confess that in the beginning I flirted with you to amuse myself. You are quite breathtakingly beautiful, my sweet, and I was bored beyond belief. As the days went on, however, I began to uncover the woman underneath the starched blouses and pencil skirts. A woman with a mind that soared and a soul that sung. One who shared my passion for stage poetry, and did not back down from a challenge.

"In short, my darling Emily, I fell in love with you.

"I should have told you the moment our relation crossed over the line. Alas my love, I fear that it is a coward who worships you. I was afraid that if you learned the truth you would be angry, and I wanted to collect as many precious moments with you as I could before your warm eyes turned cold. My sin is great, I know. I do not deserve to be forgiven. Nonetheless, I place my heart at your feet in hope that you will take it up, take pity on me, and not stomp it beneath your shoe.

"The film I am working on seized the opportunity afforded by my early matriculation to begin shooting. I am relocated to New York City to start principal photography. I know it is a mere two hours from you, and yet it feels the length of the world. Knowing I will not see you each day, hold you at night, is a weight on my soul that I know I have only myself to blame for.

"I ask nothing of you, my dearest Emily, but that you allow me to write to you. I do not expect you to write back, although I live in hope that one day you will. The distance keeps us apart, but perhaps that need not be all bad. Perhaps it can give you time to heal and to trust me once more. Let me write to you, to tell you about myself - my real self - and try to win your friendship back if nothing else. It has been the most important of my life.

"I do not flatter myself that I will ever hold you again, kiss your soft lips, feel you beneath me as you gasp in passion. I have too great a mark against me to hope for such grace. I would die to have it, but will not impose it on you. Just let me try to heal the hurt I have done, and I will be content.

"If you cannot find it within you to accept my offer of friendship in the form of epistles, simply write me with one word. 'Stop' and I will cease. You are in control, my heart. I will bow to your wishes.

"Please take good care of yourself, my Emily. I wish I could be their to tend to you myself. Be warry of the dread maths teacher. I know it is no longer my place, but I would ask you to not be alone around him.

"Enough of that. I will end for now. Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.

"My heart is yours.

All my love,

Tom."

Emily read the letter through, barley able to make out the words through the tears welling in her eyes. When she had finished, she collapsed onto the bed and read it through again, openly weeping this time. All of the pain and guilt she had been holding in came flooding out. In the end, she had to put the letter aside so that the deluge of her tears didn't permanently mar the ink composing the lines. By then she knew it by heart, but she still loved to see his strong hand scrawled out over the page.

She did not for a moment consider writing him to stop. Perhaps she should have. There was no future she could see for the two of them. Her trust had been shattered, along with her mental image of herself, by the situation. On top of that, he was away, filming a movie in the big city that she rarely went to. When this movie was ended, who knew where he would be? Jetting off to exotic countries? Treading the boards in London? His life was exciting and adventurous, and she was a little mouse of a school teacher from a small town. How could they hope to make a relationship work, even without their drama?

The letters came far more frequently than she had expected. While it was not every day, Tom was clearly grasping every spare moment he had to pour out his heart to her. He told her all about the filming process. She felt as though she knew his costars, so vividly did he depict them. Against her will, Emily would find herself laughing at ridiculous anecdotes, or groaning in commiseration at delays in the shooting.

In the midst of all of these tales of misadventures and productivity, Tom made clear to he still hoped to win Emily back. He never missed an opportunity to praise her, calling her darling, his sweet, his dear, his love. He mentioned how he had suggested that one of the teachers should be young, smart, and sexy as an homage to her, though no one could possibly do her justice. He let slip that he had been making his costars groan with his continual referencing her, to the point where they teased him any time her name arose.

At the end of each letter he dropped all pretense, stating plainly that he loved her and would do anything to win her back. He insisted that he would wait, that the decision was entirely hers, but that he lived in hope that one day she would write him back, telling him she forgave him. Until that day, he would soldier on and try to deserve her.

Several times Emily found herself sitting down, trying to pen a reply to him. She wanted, desperately wanted, to do so. But each time, the fear would come crashing down and she would end up tearing the letter to shreds.

About two months after the letters started, there was a longer than usual gap between arrivals. Emily began to think that he had given up on her, and a panic she had never felt gripped her. She had not realized the extent to which she had been living for his words.

When an envelope finally arrived, it was in an international envelope, and the return address was London, England. That was it, then. He was out of the country. All of the stories of his homecoming, complete with welcoming family, were a dagger to her. He still professed his love, but now an actual ocean separated them along with the sea of emotion.

Their were two more letters, spread over a month and a half, and then nothing for three weeks. Depression returned. She had all but given up when a card shaped envelope, gilded on the edges, arrived in her box.

***

"Alright, out with it!"

Emily looked up from the pile of papers she was grading to see Ada standing in her classroom door, arms crossed over her paint splattered apron and a determined look on her face.

"Out with what?" Emily asked, confusion genuine.

"It's been four months, Emily," the older woman said, shutting the door behind her as she walked in and sat at one of the student desks. The same desk, Emily couldn't help but note, that had once been Tom's.

"Sorry?"

"Four months that you have been moping around! Barely showing your face in the teacher's lounge, looking like someone stole your dog and kicked your kitten. This, from the girl who was such a spark of joy when she was hired that she even ignited passion for teaching in an old war horse like me!"

"I'm sorry," Emily mumbled.

"Don't be sorry, girl! Tell me what's wrong!"

"It's nothing."

"Emily, do you think I'm blind?" Ada asked with a sigh.

"No..."

"Or that I'm stupid?"

"Of course not!"

"Good," Ada snorted. "As I am neither. Four months ago, a certain long-legged boy with more looks than are good for anyone swaggered out of this school, and you have been a ghost ever since. It's not hard to put the pieces together."

Emily gaped at her, all color draining from her face. If Ada knew, or strongly suspected, was it then general knowledge? Was her shame a joke amongst the faculty, or a cause of scorn?

"Don't worry, hun," Ada said, as though reading her mind. "Most of the people around here are blind and stupid. No one else has any idea. Well, maybe Jim, but that's a whole other can of worms that I am not too keen on digging around in. So, you fell for the boy, huh?"

"You must despise me," Emily said, voice hardly above a whisper.

"So you're failing is that you're deaf," Ada shook her head. "How many times did you hear me rhapsodize about him? Hell, I was undressing him with my eyes every damn day!"

"But you never took it farther than that."

"No, I didn't. But then I am decades older than either one of you and was not given the opportunity. Who knows what I might have done if he had batted those long golden lashes at me and flashed a dimple."

"You wouldn't have slept with a student," Emily said doggedly.

"Is that what this is? That you feel guilty? Tell me something, Emily: would you ever even consider anything inappropriate with say... Jack Simmons, or Zach Lewis, or Dan Fielding? Would it even occur to you?"

"No," Emily said at once, repulsed by the very idea.

"Of course not. Because they are children. The Simmons boy is a hulking child, true, but even though he is big, he is still an adolescent. You can easily tell in a moment he is not an adult. Now, compare that to Tom. He has a baby face, and is all gangly, but there was something about him that flatly identified him as a man. You knew that, instinctively. That is why you let things play out the way you did."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because I know you," Ada said simply. "You are a good person, with a moral compass. Was it a stupid thing to do? Of course! It could have ended horribly for you, and thank god it didn't! But don't beat yourself up for listening to your intuition when it turned out to be right! Even if the boy did end up being a snake."

"What if he wasn't?" Emily asked carefully.

"I just assumed... he left, and you didn't seem happy about it... Emily, what did happen?"

Emily looked at her friend, chewing on her lip as she decided what to say. Ada already knew the worst; what harm could it do to let her in on the rest? In a rush it all came out. The clandestine affair, the trouble with Mr. Howard, seeing Tom on Nicholas Nickleby, their disastrous fallout, all of it. Ada sat there rapt as Emily spilled the whole sordid story.

"He really punched Jim?" Ada asked when she had finished, a huge grin spread over her face.

"Twice," Emily confirmed, answering smile on her own mouth. "Hard. Knocked him flat onto the ground."

"Oh, would I have loved to have seen that."

"I could have lived without it, honestly."

"Oh, hun, I don't know what to tell you," Ada shook her head. "I don't even know whether to feel jealous of you sorry for you. Both, I suppose. Ah, to be young again."

"He's been writing me letters," Emily confessed, face reddening. "Ever since he left."

"What does he say?" Ada's eyes were huge.

"Different things. How his day is going. About the filming. That he loves me and wants to be with me."

"Well what the hell are you doing here then?" Ada stood from the desk to stare at her.

"Ada..."

"Girl, if that young man wanted me, you can bet that nothing would keep me away!"

"He's in London," she muttered.

"Did something happen to all the airplanes?"

"No... In fact..."

"In fact what, Emily? Spill it? Give a woman something to live vicariously through!"

With a sigh, Emily dug through her bag and pulled out the card she had received the day before. It was an invitation to a movie premiere in New York City. Folded along with that was a train ticket, prepaid first class, and a small note:

    "I would not wish Any companion in the world but you,      Nor can imagination form a shape, Besides yourself, to like of.

     Tom (with all thanks to Miranda in The Tempest)"

"Well," Ada smiled at her, "when shall we go shopping? You, my dear, are going to need a dress!"