#Actually why have I never touched on that either.
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Could you do like a scenecore reader that also dyes their hair? and cod men? Like dunno giving them a handmade bracelet I dunno? *pokes my fingers together*
-đȘ(Reserving a Anon cause i'll be back!)
hii đȘ anon!! glad you're reserving! and if anyone else wants to do the same then feel free to do so :D
ăâ Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Roach, Alejandro, Rudy, Phillip Graves, Makarov, Keegan, König, Horangi, Nikto
Scenecore!Reader x COD Men
â
Price...
sometimes when he comes home he'll find you in the bathroom dying your hair, he loves seeing you do fun stuff with your hair and will even run to buy more box dye incase you run out or you got the wrong color (which happens often)
there's a hc that he was prob a punk or some sort of alternative when he was a teen so he's familiar with you customizing and diying your stuff
he also never thought to be into the scene subculture but he can't help but smile when you leave a handmade kandi bracelet for him, even if it looks a little out of place for him to wear, he doesn't care
he will put that on his wrist and wear it around like he wears his ring
â
Ghost...
it's funny when walking around together in public with the tall intimidating guy who's always wearing a face covering and dark clothing and then there's you, the bright clothes, the dyed and teased hair, arms covered in kandi bracelets looking like a rainbow vomited on you
they should really see your house... his side of the closet is almost the same outfits just different shades of dark colors and your side has possibly every color ever made
still, if people looked close enough they would be able to see the bracelet you made for him that just barely peeks out from underneath the sleeve of his jacket along with some jelly bracelets
people often assume Simon is some former goth dating the scene/scenecore
â
Soap...
you wonder why you ran out of dye so quickly when you need it, you had bought a couple new boxes of hair dye only to find them gone when you needed them, when you see Johnny it all makes sense; he had attempted dying his own hair
according to him he wanted to try wearing your hair extensions first but quickly realized they wouldn't stay in, you can't help but laugh at how his hair turned out, the front looks kinda good it actually surprises you, the back however...
when at a store he's actually the one hyping you up when you find something you could use to incorporate it into your look, he buys whatever for you and loves wearing matching kandi bracelets with you
his whole forearm will be covered in kandi and jelly bracelets he doesn't care he loves it!
â
Gaz...
he knows where you are in a store by the ton of jewelry you wear with charms and beads, or you might accidentally drop a bracelet or lose an earring leaving a trail he can follow to find you
ofc he knows to find you either in a thrift shop, in the jewelry section or where the box dye is at, he's quick to offer to buy anything you might want
he knows how much you love experimenting with your hair, maybe you like adding animal prints in your hair :D
in the car he likes to put your playlist on that will have you both vibing together throughout the entire car trip, poor soul to whoever is travelling with you tho
â
Roach...
loves wearing anything you gift him, especially if you customized it or made it yourself, he wants to feel included, often times when you're touching up on your hair or dying it again he'll sit in the bathroom with you
sometimes it takes a long time dying your hair, especially if you like to do prints on your hair because you're tired of your extensions falling out all the time :(
and the entire time he's sitting there keeping you company looking at you like this :D
he even helps you pick out which color you should do next when you can't decide!
he gets all giddy when you sit down and make kandi bracelets together <3 and then gift him the one you made and he gives you the one he made, so now you're wearing bracelets the other made!
â
Alejandro...
your style was definitely something new to him, due to the great war of emos vs punks in '08 in Mexico he assumed you were what he described a 'colorful emo', until you corrected him
he really likes it actually, he's seen how you manage to coordinate your outfits and even cut, dye and style your own hair, talk about being resourceful!
when your hair is freshly dyed, you'll wash it and go to sleep with it slightly damp, the next morning you wake up to find your pillow stained, it used to scare him real bad when you had it dyed red and he assumed the stain on the pillow was blood
â
Rudy...
he loves learning about what you're into, your interests are now his!!
he's also tried styling you before and he actually managed to do a pretty good job! you asked him how he did it and he mentioned he's seen you coordinate your outfits and so he was able to pick up off that
on his days off, he loves spending them with you and taking you to all the stores that have deals on their bundles so you can get a ton or new hair clips and silly accessories you end up trying on Rudy only to take a 0.5 pic of
and vice versa ^^ he loves taking pics of you in your outfits, in fact, on his phone lock screen he has you with your best outfit yet posing as his wallpaper, just to be smug he likes leaving his phone face up on the table just so that he can see that picture of you when a message lights up his screen
â
Phillip Graves...
won't ever ask you to "tone it down", it's your style and he thinks you should proudly wear it, you look unique and he personally loves it
he will definitely glare at anyone who scoffs or says a rude remark about you, especially if the area you live in is known to be more conservative, he loves seeing the look on people's faces when they see you walk past
sometimes his shadows like to tease him when they notice him wearing the bracelet you made for him, they keep saying it looks like some little kid made it but he quickly states that you made it for him
i can just imagine the whiplash when his playlist goes from his average dad rock/country music to your liked songs invading his phone when on shuffle, he might bop to it tho but won't ever admit it
â
Makarov...
he's told you multiple times he can just take you to get your hair professionally done, there is no need for you to buy cheap box dye for your hair but you like it better this way
this way you can add your own unique and personal touch to it that you love, and no professional hairstylist will be able to do it how you like it, he gives in and stops insisting after you remind him that every time
but he definitely loves your creative diy and style, he just wanted to make sure you weren't staining the bathroom towels with your box dye because you were too shy to ask him to take you to the hair salon but that's not the case :)
and he treasures the bracelets you gift him more than he does the expensive watches and jewelry he buys for himself
â
Keegan...
yk how kandi bracelets can say crazy stuff on them sometimes?
yeah so, the first time he noticed your bracelets and read some of the words you've arranged on there he was flabbergasted to say the least
you put diabolical phrases on his kandi bracelets when you make some for him, and when you put them on for him you make sure the words are upside down so HE doesn't notice it but the person who's in front of him will if they glance at it
it isn't until later when he takes them off that he notices they have sexual phrases, your favorite one for him to wear is one that says "suck me off"
â
König...
it took him a while to understand your texting whenever he peeked at your laptop when you left it open, he didn't really consider himself to be behind on trends until now even if it wasn't anything new but it was to him
he also doesn't know what half the references the words on your kandi bracelets mean either but he rolls with it anyways, you've probably told him before but you ramble on so much that he can only remember a handful of stuff you say
one of his favorite moments of the day are when he arrives home and you're just on your laptop scrolling and vibing to music, you even get up and dance to it inviting him to join you even if he's terrible at it but hey, at least you're having fun together :)
â
Horangi...
he knows how much you love thrifting for new clothes so he likes finding good thrift shops you can go crazy in and then show him the new outfits you put together with them, he also likes surprising you with brand/label clothes and items
you often feel guilty bc you know how expensive those brands can get but he insists on it, he loves you showing your colors and taking you out
he's even dyed his hair colors to match with you! you can't tell me he isn't a little into the alternative side as well, he's definitely expanded his style since he met you
you two even have your matching jewelry for almost every occasion that you've handmade when out on dates, like those places that are for couples to book so they can diy stuff together (if ykyk bc i forgot what they're called)
â
Nikto...
i can just imagine the first time you shuffled up to him and extended your hand to open it and he sees a colorful little bracelet there
he tilted his head, confused what you were offering to him, oh a bracelet? that little thing? it doesn't look like something he'd wear himself but... since you made it he slips it on, good thing the cord is elastic and stretchy therefore he can pull it through his burly, big hand
he shrugs but on the inside he feels his heart beat a little faster, later he forgets to take it off or you slip a bracelet in his duffel bag when he leaves another member will notice the colored kandi bracelet and ask about it
he's not in the slightest bit embarrassed to say it was you, no amount of teasing will make him take it off
#i upgraded my glasses and i'm still getting used to my new prescription#captain john price#price x reader#cod simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#soap x reader#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#gaz x reader#gary roach sanderson#roach x reader#alejandro x reader#rodolfo parra#rodolfo x reader#phillip graves x reader#vladimir makarov#makarov x reader#keegan p russ#keegan x reader#konig x reader#konig cod#kim horangi hong jin#horangi x reader#andre nikto#nikto x reader#cod fanfic#cod headcanons
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Xiao Zhuo, Li Lun, and Ying Lei adventures at Tianxiang Pavilion incoherent ramblings.
Anyways, I was rewatching FoF (as one does), and episode 21 â on a rewatch, when you know damn well Li Lun is possessing Bai Jiu's body â is hands down one of the funniest, pure comedy gold episodes that the series has to offer.
It's almost offensive how blatant they were about Bai Jiu being Li Lun here. Fashionista Li Lun woke up, and decided he's not going out in those EW clothes smelling of his cousins herbs. That vomit of every colour out there and a nest for hair are NOT sexy. All white for a dignified gentleman like himself.
They point out the change in his outfit, and we don't question it because Li Lun (despite people here claiming he doesn't understand humans) knows it would be a big deal for a teenage boy to visit a place like Tianxiang Pavilion. Dressing more maturely feels natural, and Li Lun gets to slay in all white yet again.
Li Lun: Must change. Li Lun: No one will notice. They will think this loser is excited, good plan.
Li Lun's face is priceless here. There are only two options: either Li Lun sips through and is genuinely offended that this baby mountain god he remembers acts like this ("why crave attention from human? disgusting. ZHUO YICHEN LOOK AT ME"), or he understands the affections Bai Jiu holds for Xiao Zhuo-ge, acting his ass off even when no one is looking.
I like the first option as an explanation, because Li Lun DOES sips through quite often in this episode.
It looks fun, he said, like a fucking IDIOT.
"Oh shit."
"Shit. Did Zhuo Yichen notice? Shit shit shit shit."
And he continued to fuck up. Those were small details, but I genuinely couldn't stop laughing at his loser ass.
He tugged Xiao Zhuo's bells too hard, actually tugged Yichen back. His movements are harsher, stronger than Bai Jiu's. Bai Jiu tugs at Xiao Zhuo's sleeve or bells gently, and when it is in fact hard, it's usually Yichen trying to walk and Bai Jiu staying behind.
"FUCK. I tugged too hard." LI LUN, YOU DORK.
He tugged so hard Yichen's ribbon came undone. "I fix this. It will be alright it's part of my plan."
Unfortunately, ribbon does not stay put anymore.
Li Lun's honest reaction to this turn of events. No control over his face or strength whatsoever.
Ying Lei and Li Lun's moments have a very special place in my heart. They bounce off each other so nicely, and you can absolutely tell that Li Lun was having fun.
His shit eating grin. Sometimes I wonder if this is what Li Lun did when he was a baby.
Zhu Yan: Let's see human world! Li Lun: sure! Zhu Yan: Yaaaaay! Li Lun: Yaaaaaay! Zhu Yan, at the gates to the human world, turning to his bestie: Li Lun, this so exciting â Li Lun? Li Lun! Li Lun, back at Kunlun: snoozes, sunbathing.
Li Lun entered the pavilion as we know it, and saved his Ge, not forgetting to be a massive dork about it.
He once again pulled Xiao Zhuo real hard. Yichen went WOOOOOSH.
Well saved, Li Lun! Unfortunately, his precious Ge scolds him, but not without remembering to thank Li Lun for his hard work first.
I know for a fact that this was Li Lun sipping through yet again. "If it weren't for me, Zhuo Yichen!"
Yichen was utterly hilarious in that moment too. He took a moment to catch his breath, like being touched by a bunch of women was the worst nightmare he'd ever experienced. He's finally free, the worst day of his life. They're comedic duo we deserve, I will never shut up.
And I LOVE that Li Lun never forgets to hold his Ge by the...well, he does forget that heâs supposed to hold him by the bells, not Yichenâs fucking belt.
Xiao Zhuo: What the â ? Bai Jiu usually holds the bell, why is he holding the belt? *confused Zhuo Yichen noises*
Li Lun is such a DORK. They share one braincell for the three of them. One braincell dream team.
Previously, everyone ignored Ying Lei's attempts to high-five his friends, and isnât it the cutest that Li Lun was the one to give him a high five? Although he was surely shocked to experience friendship: "*GASP*Â a high five from a friend?"
Well done, Li Lun! Thank you for your service, you little dork. I will never stop calling him that.
I just love the three of them together so much. It makes me happy that Li Lun got to experience what real friendship feels like, and these two were the perfect candidates to show him the light and welcome him into their home.
This episode is my comfort place now, a better world where they get to be friends and form a perfect one braincell dream team.
#fangs of fortune#li lun#zhuo yichen#ying lei#bai jiu#one braincell dream team#all my faves together they did it for me
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back at it again with some 911 what if, this time is 3/4 bucktommy scenes from 3x09.
here's 1/4 and 2/4 if you want to read it in order.
He could feel his back stick to Tommyâs chest.
They were still panting, trying to recover from what just happened. Buck was looking at the ceiling, still dazed, trying to make sense of the situation.
I just had sex with Tommy Kinard.
Or well, sort of.
He looked over his shoulder and realized Tommy was already looking at him, and they chuckled. They were laying on Kinardâs couch with only a thin blanket covering them, it was the same couch theyâd kissed for the first time over 30 minutes ago.
âTommy, I⊠wowâ it took a lot to get the words out, his lungs and throat still not ready to have a longer conversation that didnât consist of âyeahâ, âmoreâ and other praises.
âThe sentimentâs mutualâ and Tommyâs hoarse voice shouldnât have made Buck as giddy as it did, but his bitten lip in an attempt to hide his true feelings were proof of that.
Never in his life did Buck think he would have his naked body on top of Tommyâs, but life can surprise you.
Suddenly, a strange feeling sank deep into Buckâs chest, making him take a deep breath and shift his body to look at Tommyâs face better âHey, uhm, was this⊠good for you?â
Tommy raised an eyebrow and said, dryly âEvan, are you seriously asking me that after this?â he gestured at their naked bodies tangled together.
Buck snorted a laugh while shaking his head âWhat I mean is that, was it good for you even if we didnât go⊠all the way?â he felt his cheeks warm up and ducked his head.
Evan Buckley had never been one to shy away from sex, always good at reading other womenâs responses and body language. It was easy for him to decide where to go and what to do to make his partners satisfied, but this⊠this was a first, and he was nervous about not having done the right things to make Tommy feel good.
Tommy, on the other hand, gave him a soft smile and cradled his face with one hand while the other drew circles on his shoulder, âEvan, that was amazing⊠youâre amazingâ the last bit came out in chunks, like the thought had just dawned on him. âI wasnât expecting you to be so⊠vigorous thoughâ
âWhy, âcause it was my first time with a guy?â
âUh, yeah, actuallyâ Tommy grinned, lowering the hand from Buckâs shoulder to his waist, holding him closer âLook, I wasnât expecting us to go all out, Okay? The ideaâs always to have fun and we did, didn't we?â
Buck raised an eyebrow, smiling at the older âI meanâŠâ he giggled and squirmed when Tommy nudged on his ribs âSorry! it was fun, and⊠so hot, and so so goodâ
He had had so much fun really, which shouldâve been strange given the person heâd just slept with, but even with that in mind having sex with Tommy was like entering another plane. It was carefree and gentle, sweet and dirty, it felt so right but also⊠wrong. But there wasnât any regret, not when the way Tommy had kissed and touched him made him feel like his entire body was on fire.
âHow good?â
âMind-blowing, earth shatteringly goodâ
âOkay now youâre lyingâ Tommyâs laugh was so infectious Buck couldnât help but giggle along âI cannot be that goodâ
âYou were though, Iâve never⊠I donât think Iâve had someone focus that much on meâ
Buck wasnât only focused on, he was worshipped by Tommy. He treated his body like a temple and at times it was too much, feeling like he was about to explode just from light touches alone. His dirty talk wasnât any less than perfect either, Tommy was able to pull the most lascivious sounds out of him just with his words. It was exhilarating.
âReally? No one?âÂ
Buck tilted his head âItâs just⊠with women I tend to be the one that focuses on them, and itâs not like they havenât returned the energy ever, believe me Iâve been with enough to know thatâ they chuckled and Buck nudged Tommyâs ribs when the older teased him about it âIt's just⊠You, Tommy, are not what I expectedâÂ
Tommy leaned, his lips brushing the youngerâs âAnd is that a good or bad thing?â a playful smile appeared, making Buck feel a heat creeping up inside of him.
The younger took hold of Tommy's neck and smiled cheekily âObviously a good thing, Kinardâ he closed the distance, kissing the older softly.
They stayed like that for a while, with their legs tangled and arms wrapped around one another, just looking at each other. It was their own little perfect bubble, where nobody else existed but them.Â
Until Buck hid his yawn in the crook of Tommy's neck.Â
âHey, do you⊠do you want to stay the night?âÂ
The younger looked up, giving him a faint smile âIâd love to, but⊠it's not midnight yet, I can find my way back home, Tommyâ
Tommy didn't want to admit to himself that it disappointed him a little bit, but it's not like he was going to beg him to stay, they didn't have that type of relationship. If Evan wanted to leave afterwards he was within his rights to do so.Â
Except the younger didn't actually want to leave either, quite the opposite. He didn't want Tommy to realize that it had all been a mistake and kick him out, and he knew he wouldn't but the fear was stronger.
So he sat up and started looking for his clothes again, never minding the way Tommy's gaze was on him like a hawk.Â
âAre you sure you don't want me to drive you back?â
âIn my Jeep?â Buck chuckled as he put his shirt back on, and smiled fondly at the older man when he saw the look on Tommy's face, who was fidgeting with his fingers âIâll be okay Tommy, seriouslyâ
He leaned in, giving him a peck âTommy, I'm very serious when I tell you that this was wonderful, you were⊠amazing tooâÂ
âButâŠ?â
Buck frowned âThere is no but Tommy, you were amazing, point blankâ he rested their foreheads together and inhaled, burning the scent of sex from their skins into his memory âThis was perfect, you were, and⊠IâI'm leaving now, see you next shiftâÂ
âWaitâ Tommy took Buck by the back of his neck and pulled him in for a deep kiss. He wanted to leave this on his own terms, and that included filling a space in the younger's head just for him.Â
Even if this was only a one time thing.Â
Tommy put his bottoms on as fast as he could and led Buck out the door, leaning against it and watching as his Jeep left the neighborhood.Â
And if he held himself a little too tight at that, he would never tell anyone about it.
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âtutoringâ
You're known for being intelligent at your school. You're usually picked to answer questions. You think you're pretty decent in academics, but not that good.
Because of your intelligence you were chosen to be a tutor for an after school study hall session that students with bad grades were supposed to attend. The instructor told you to go help Christopher Sturniolo. He was told to study for a test but didn't want to.
You went and took a seat at a desk beside Chris. He was running his fingers through his messy brown hair. You could tell that he was frustrated then he finally gave up and sat back in his chair.
"Y'know I'm not gonna do this, right?"
âYou have to Christopher.â
"No I don't, actually. I can ditch if I want."
He closed his textbook and sat back in his chair, stretching, making himself comfortable.
âYeah you can if you wanna repeat being a freshman.â
"It's the end of the year anyway and I'm passing a few of my classes with a C or better. If I fail a class it doesn't make me flunk."
âChristopher. the principal gave me a paper with your grades on it and youâre failing almost everything. Donât say you have a C or better.â
Chris looked off to the side, a little embarrassed. It was true, he was failing all his classes. It wasn't his fault, he was having a hard time coping with his own life. He didn't want to admit that though.
"It doesn't matter, I'll just go to summer school, or something."
âYou wont get anything done there Christopher.â
Chris shrugged. He was too stubborn to admit he needed the help. He didn't want to deal with this right now.
"Fine. Let's get it over with, I guess."
He grumbled, opening the textbook back up to a page you told him to look at. He was obviously still annoyed.
Cali pointed to the text where he left off.
âRead that one.â
she was talking in a soft tone because she knew that he was just gonna get frustrated and give up again.
Chris groaned, rolling his eyes before reading out loud. Reading wasn't his strong suit, but he wasn't a terrible reader. He read the text in a lazy, uninterested tone.
âHey I know you donât wanna be here but if you wanna get better you have to try. Please?â
Christopher sighed, annoyed. He sat up fully in his chair, dropping his casual, laid-back demeanor from before.
He looked straight at you, clearly frustrated.
"Why do you care anyway? You don't even know me that well. I won't be in any of your classes next year. We'll probably never see each other again once the year ends."
âBecause i donât want you to end up homeless or being nothing in life or worse.â
Christopherâs annoyed expression faded. He looked down, no longer making eye contact with you. He was a little surprised at your response. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what would happened if he didnât try in school. Would he even be able to improve? He didn't know, but it was too scary for him to give any effort.
âSo please try Christopher.â
Chris was quiet, contemplating the choice he was being given. He didn't want to do this but it was either this or fail. He let out a small huff before looking back at the text.
"Fine. I'll try. But I can't promise it will go well."
âThank you so much.â
At that moment she smiled for the first time. she had a beautiful smile and her dimple went out when she smiled.
Despite the whole studying thing, Chris took a moment to look at your smile, noticing your dimple. He felt a little flutter in his stomach, something he hadn't felt before. He quickly looked down at the textbook, shaking himself out of it. He was supposed to be focused on studying, not paying attention to how pretty you were. He told himself to push that thought out of his mind.
"Just... just tell me what to do."
âRead this text please.â
Chris quickly shoved his thoughts out of his head and focused on the task at hand. He tried to keep his tone neutral, but his voice was a touch softer than before.
"Okay. Fine. Whatever you say"
He picked up the textbook, looking for the text you asked him to read. He found the page, reading it aloud.
âGood!â
She said it in a soft easy tone. She knew this was hard for him so she had to go easy on him.
Christopher found himself wanting you to say the word "good" again. He wanted to get praised and have you tell him he was doing a good job. He liked your voice.
He shook that thought away, telling himself to focus on the studying. Even though it had only been little while, his attitude had completely changed. He wasn't as annoyed at having to study, at least he was when he heard you praising him. He was putting an effort into the work.
"Okay, now what?"
âWrite down what i say okay?â
Chris grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. He was actually willing to do this for once, not just half-heartedly going through the motions.
"Right, got it. I'll write it down."
He looked at you, waiting for you to start speaking.
When she starts reading the passage Chris tried to listen to what she was saying but her voice was just so beautiful he just couldnât focus on what he was supposed to be writing down.
Chris tried to focus on the words, but they faded out, replaced by the sound of your voice. It was pretty. Soft. Soft and sweet, like honey. He had to focus himself back on the task at hand every few sentences.
He quickly jotted down the words you said, trying to keep up. It was difficult because he found himself listening to you instead.
âGot all that?â
Chris snapped himself out of his trance. He looked down at the paper in front of him, a little embarrassed at himself for zoning out so much.
"Uh, right, yeah. Got it."
He said, looking down at his notes, his face a tiny bit red from embarrassment at spacing out like that. The whole time he was taking notes, he had to remind himself to pay attention to what you were saying and not your voice.
âiâm so proud of you getting stuff done!â
When she said that she gave him a rub on the back. Chrisâs heart gave a little flutter again when he felt your hand on his back. Nobody had given him praise like this or said they were proud of him in a long time. It felt good, even if it was just over something small like actually studying.
He took a moment to let the feeling sink in before responding. His head was still down, looking at the notes he had written.
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right, I've actually gotten stuff done today..."
âAnd thatâs not all.â
Chris looked up, curious. He had been doing surprisingly well so far. It had gone better than he thought. He didn't expect something else.
He looked directly at you, waiting to hear what he needed to do next.
âNow youâre gonna look me in the eyes and tell me what you learned from this text right here.â
Christopher felt a pang of nervousness when you said to look you in the eyes. That would be hard because of how pretty your eyes were, as well as looking you in the eye is already nerve-wracking.
He took a quick deep breath, mustering the courage to do as you said. He looked into your eyes, trying to keep a calm focus. He suddenly couldn't remember what he had written down at all. He tried to keep it together.
"Uh... well, what I learned is..."
âGo on.â
Chris tried his hardest to focus on answering the question, but it was hard when looking into your eyes. They were just so beautiful, so pretty. He could just stare into them all day. He tried to collect his thoughts.
"Uh, right, right... well, I learned that..."
He tried to remember what he had written down, but he was so distracted by just looking at you. It was impossible to focus on what he had written down.
âHere read it again.â
Chris let out a quiet sigh, trying not to seem like he was frustrated. He knew he should be able to tell you what he had written down but he still couldn't focus. Your sweet eyes and soft voice were making it so difficult.
He looked back down at his notes. They were messy, written in a hurry. He took a moment to read through the words.
âHey hey donât be frustrated take deep breathâs! When she said that she moved his hair out of his face.
Christopher almost shivered slightly when he felt your fingers brush his forehead, gently moving his hair. He took a deep breath like you said, letting it out through his nose. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to calm himself.
"Okay. Okay. I'm good, I'm okay now."
âOkay now read this one.â
He took another deep breath, feeling a little more in control now. He slowly started reading, trying to keep a steady tone. He spoke clearly and slowly, putting a lot of effort into it. He wanted to impress you.
She saw that he was having trouble with pronouncing the word equivalent so she tried to help him.
âDo you need some help?â
Chris stopped reading, taking his time before answering. He was getting a little frustrated with himself, having so much trouble. He let out a quiet groan, looking at the word.
"Ugh, yeah. Equiv- equivolent."
It was getting harder to even spit out the word now. He was never good at reading. He dreaded whenever he had to read aloud, even though he just heard your voice reading perfectly. It wasn't fair, he was supposed to be the popular and good looking kid, not the one with bad study skills.
âIts okay here iâll help youâ
She said that with the most beautiful smile on her face. Chris felt like he was going to melt if he looks at you for one more second.
Chris went quiet for a moment as you help him pronounce the word. You slowly helped him say it slowly, sounding it out carefully while he repeated it multiple times.
He mumbled it under his breath as he finally said it correctly, a little frustrated he couldn't say it easily. "Equivalent... got it."
âIm so proud of you Youâre doing great.â
Chris was proud that he was finally able to say the damn word. He had a small smile on his face, not realizing that it mirrored your smile from before.
He looked up at you, feeling more confident. He still didn't like studying, but he was actually getting better at it. The fact that you were complimenting him and telling him he was doing good felt good. He wasn't used to hearing that from people.
"You really think I'm doing good?"
âYes i do youâre doing way better than before!â
Chris was surprised at how much it made him smile to hear you say that. He actually was doing well. He was not only passing the subject, he was actually getting a good understanding. He never had that happen.
He sat up straighter in his chair, no longer leaning back as he had been before. He felt motivated now. Studying was becoming less of a chore and more of something he wanted to try.
"Yeah, okay. Maybe this isn't that bad after all."
âWell study time is over see you tomorrow!â
The words "study time is over" immediately brought back that annoyed feeling in Chrisâs stomach. He was doing so well, he didn't want to stop.
But then, he realised that meant he was free. He didn't have to sit and study anymore. He was kind of sad though. He wouldn't get to see you until the next day. It wasn't ideal.
"Right... uh, okay. Um, see you tomorrow then."
#80s#benny rodriguez#2000s#chris sturniolo#christopher owen sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#california#chris sturiolo fanfic#dumb!chris#writers on tumblr#the sandlot#nick sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo fluff#fluff#2010s#2024#2014 tumblr
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I want to preface this by saying that I am holding myself accountable for not stepping up and either breaking off the friendship sooner or defending myself properly. As it stands even now I am not someone who copes well with confrontation and would rather stay as far away from it as possible. Iâm speaking now because other people are coming forward with their stories and experiences. Whilst I have very few actual screenshots of conversations please understand that the interactions Iâm discussing impacted me quite a lot mentally. Itâs up to you to decide if you think Iâm overreacting but by the end of those six months I had basically decided I no longer had a place in the rpc where I was welcomed after losing that friendship. Iâll be putting this under a read more so look at your own discretion. I wonât be speaking about this again after this.
If terios / ty sees this and decides they wish to unblock me and speak about it in order to see these feelings discussed and resolved im okay with that and if anyone else who has been in a similar situation needs someone to talk to or discuss it with in also open to that.
At the beginning of our friendship things were pretty intense and feeling like you were the main writing partner for someone who had already established themselves a place in the rpc was such a good feeling ? Itâs like you really belong and you have someone who is so invested in your portrayal that you feel really important. There were many times where this once good feeling became tarnished by negativity, bitterness and what to me, felt like being bullied or belittled.
Iâll touch on a few things I really do remember quite clearly and be understanding that my adhd / ptsd and other things impact my capacity to retain information all the time I try to be very clear with this when talking with mutuals to avoid them becoming frustrated when I donât remember everything all the time. they would tell me I wasnât listening or paying attention when I tried to explain this.
there was a lot of time monopolising that I ended up enabling, this one in particular was mentioned to me by my partner who ended up feeling like I really distanced myself from them and even when I did want / try to spend time with them teriosâ reaction would always be to change their tone to speaking bitterly or giving off this change of energy and if you recognise it you know itâs the sort where youâve done something wrong and you need to fix it immediately.
There were also times where other friends became an issue, terios had problems with someone I was interacting with on dash. At the time I wanted to be in their corner because we were really close, they were my closest friend but these people had also been nothing but nice to me and I didnât have issues with them. This tension went on for a while until terios let me know that I was two faced for not taking their side fully and I ended up blocking them which I thought was the right answer to appeasing someone who was upset. Yes, this was my fault I should have said no but they were a really important friend to me and I wanted them to feel like they were heard and understood. In the end I lost both of those friends and another friend who told me that if I continued to always take teriosâ side in arguments like that I would have no one else left but them in the end.
It also happened when I mentioned that I was watching things with my mutual, we had only just started writing again after not speaking for a long time and terios was instantly making comments about it, usually vague and never good and when I finally said hey you know this isnât cool to be saying this their response was just that I should have told them that sooner.
They were always unpleasant about Gepard ships that werenât ours and I donât know if that was because they just had a bias or not but I remember plotting an almost au verse with a firefly writer and dropping it because they were telling me when and how would that happen why is this something youâre writing ? basically implying that I owed it to some how justify what I was deciding to write for my muse ?
This also happened when I was creating an au for Gepard around being a vampire hunter I was so excited about it and I wanted to tell them and their response was to pick it apart reminding me oh this doesnât make sense for Gepardâs canon age or this doesnât make sense for his family and whilst I get caring about canon it really made me feel ? like my spark had just been squashed something I was so excited about just being torn to shreds completely and I never spoke about it again, tobias was there when this happened I had just came home from the gym in tears because I was so upset about it.
As those who interact with me know I am someone who is always earnestly trying to expand my vocabulary and learn new ways to incorporate cool stuff into my writing and there was one time one time when I used a word wrong and I did apologize for it and they ended up bringing it up over and over again for three months and whilst it was a joke in their eyes I donât doubt it really just made me not want to try to improve my writing anymore and minimised myself to be someone they would approve of.
it also felt like anytime I began to get the confidence to bring up how I was feeling that it was turned around to make me feel worse or shit and like the whole situation was my fault rather than looking at it and both taking accountability and working to find a solution. I found this so challenging because so many times I left feeling like I was truly in the wrong because they had told me I was.
SC:
The last thing I will mention is that they will jump between gepard writers quite frequently. I wasnât on the receiving end of this but I do know that when they blocked me only a day later then were dming a mutual and friend of mine who they had all but ghosted for those six months asking to write again. While this isnât the worst thing ever I can only imagine how shitty that must feel and I know when they spoke to me and I said this it really hit home for them that they had been second best for those whole six months despite being there before me. This has happened with other Gepard writers too not just me and that person.
In the end a lot of this shit could have been amended if I told them your behaviour is shitty and itâs making me feel like shit but who wants to be put in a situation with a friend or writing partner where they feel like they have to make that choice.
I still do think terios is a good writer and theyâre committed to the sampo theyâre shaping but there are ways to interact with people that are kinder and not always with this undertone of being nasty or mean or spiteful. Again, if they or anyone else does want to talk to me about this they can and I trust that everyone can decide who they want to write with themselves. I just want my feelings and story to be heard and others to know they can speak up too.
#ooc.#drama cw#this doesnât even feel like drama to me truly#I just want people to understand why Iâve felt so strongly about this#and I really do welcome anyone to talk to me about experiences and#if this does find its way back to Ty they can always talk to me about resolving not to be friends or mutuals I donât want that#but to clear the air#the fact that Tobias my partner had to step in bc things got so bad and I was so distesssed two times#I tried to leave we fixed things it didnât fix things at all#and I know I did shit wrong and should stand up for myself#but why am I having to stand up for myself at all against a mutual who is supposed to be my good friend.#tbd.#read it or donât I donât mind#I know some people might leave bc of me talking about this and thatâs also fine#I know people donât like seeing things like this spoken about on tumblr
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As per usual, itâs DP crossover with (probably) DC, although you could probably adjust it for other fandoms
ANYWAYS
A little kid and his mother are trick or treating in another city, perhaps at some kind of event rather than knocking on doors, and the kid is dressed as Phantom. Itâs very adorable, with his little ghost-shaped bucket and clearly homemade and already stained costumeâlisten, white only works if you can just fly over street grime or phase it out of your clothesâand his slightly Iâll fitting wig. The kid is SO happy to be out and about dressed as his favorite, and maybe even showed it off to Phantom back in Amity Park before his family left.
The hero, insert whoever you wish here, is probably in civvies and just enjoying the event. The kid, meanwhile, is so glad when people ask who he is so he can explain, and so- the hero gets to hear ALL ABOUT the local town hero who is probably pretty small time despite the kidâs clearly exaggerated stories. The hero certainly never heard of him, but the kidâs mom confirms that Phantom really was the town hero, despite some mixed reviews of the poor guy.
âDid you manage to show him your costume?â the hero asks.
âYeah! We went down to the cemetery to leave flowers and I got to show him my costume.â
Wait. Cemetery? Maybe it was part of theme, because Phantom had to be named that for a reason, but⊠it sounded likeâŠ
The kid ignores the suddenly VERY still hero and instead turns to his mom. âMomma, do you think we should bring him candy? He doesnât get to trick or treat like we do, and I can work super hard to get him a bunch!â
The kidâs mom just smiles. âWe could, but maybe we should bring him something homemade. I bet heâd like something more filling, teen boys like him have a hollow leg.â
The kid wrinkles his nose. âLike Vernie with the pizza bagels?â
âLike your cousin, yes. We can make some cinnamon rolls and take them to his memorial, maybe bring some of the apples from your grandpaâs gardenâŠâ
The hero is pretty much forgotten as the two-part family wanders off, not quite intentionally forgetting the hero is there so much as the hero somewhat accidentally ended the conversation when they just froze and didnât ask anything further.
Not that the hero didnât want to. But theyâd learn something very serious.
Oneâthere was a small town hero theyâd never heard of. Twoâthat hero was apparently a teen. Thirdâmost pressingly, the teen hero was both beloved enough to have kids dressing up as him and dead enough to have a grave.
This⊠might require some phone calls.
#dpxdc#danny phantom crossover#meanwhile Danny. sitting on a giant marble slab that has the most ridiculous gag gifts a ghost could ever ask for#heâs just like Oh Sweet Cinnamon Rolls!#he would try to convince people to bring him nasty burger but while val has MOSTLY gotten over her vindictive anger at Phantom DOES decide#that sheâs gonna be petty and add cilantro to everything#because Danny has the cilantro soap gene#jokes on her heâll still eat it#Danny likes his little memorial in the grave. it helps settle him sometimes. also heâs gotten to know the security guards for the cemetery#theyâre fun. a bit morbid. they LIKE his jokes so you can stuff it JAZZ#MEANWHILE the hero. Whomstever they are but like 90% of you are thinking either batfam or Justice league#are having just. a TOUCH of a crisis#now they gotta figure out where the kid and his mom are from without either of them figuring out#dealerâs choice on what the GIW and why Amity Park isnât on the radar#Iâll add my two cents bc when donât I but Iâm by and large not like⊠dictating this? anyways#I like making the GIW just a BIT more incompetent or just having some massive flaws as an organizational group#so they keep forgetting to tell people to not LEAVE and to keep quiet#average amity Parker if the GIW tried this anyways: aw thatâs cute. anyways-#and if itâs dc I guess you need to figure out how the jl never found out. so#i mean thereâs a LOT of heroes and cities in dc#and amity park is just lost to the noise or. bc Fenton bad luck#every time Danny tried to call. the jl had some insane disaster and or their systems were down#he eventually figured he might actually be cursed- juryâs still out on that -and heâs saving lives by just handling it himself#he can handle rhe metaphorical mega thunderstorms if it means he doesnât accidentally summon a fucking tsunami to hit the planet ya know?#the kid and the mom have no idea that what they said was Odd#they are just so used to it. amity park already was using death puns and had an. interesting history and relation with death#even BEFORE there was a dead kid flying around in his white gogo boots
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AU where Loki doesnât interfere with Thorâs banishment at all and it takes Thor years to prove himself worthy and when he returns to Asgard everything is just. The same. Nothing seems to have changed at all and everyone greets him like his absence was a minor obstacle that didnât fundamentally change Thor and the worst part is Loki stepped down from the place as regent without any delay and Thor canât help but feel thereâs something underlaying the way his brother looks at him now and wonât let him touch him and Thor doesnât know what he could have missed because he doesnât think he would have found anything wrong with the things around him and how everyone behaves if he hadnât spent time on Earth reflecting.
#the warriors 4 not being interested in anything Thor âlearntâ at all#and making it clear that Thor was punished unfairly and the AllFatherâs decision had been harsh#Loki saying heâs happy for Thor and Thor sees the way the smiles are forced and he sees the way Loki avoids any touch#Thor hating the way Frigga talks about Lokiâs short regency and Thorâs absence like it wasnât two whole decades or something#like sheâs so grateful to have her other son back without ever addressing why he was gone#Thor just. growing during his time on earth and being much more aware of the behaviour around him#he learns to be critical and assess why people around him may act a certain way#once he realises that itâs possible for him or anyone else to be fallible and make mistakes itâs over for Asgard for him I think#Thor returns and Loki gives him the throne and everyone expects him to obviously have the throne#and Odin is sleeping and Thor isnât comfortable with the way everyone accepts him as king regent after the banishment#Loki who either never lashed out against Jotunheim or did and it was brushed away and no one thinks about it as anything#but Loki is still deeply affected and acts the way he always would have but Thor can feel itâs not the same#he knows something is wrong and Loki wonât say anything about it and Thor doesnât know how to bring it up#Thor sees Loki metaphorically receding into the shadows to become a nonpresence so loud Thor hears it even after returning from decades away#Thor goes to Earth and gets his priorities in order gets a new worldview learns not to take what he has for granted#and finds out he actually despised Asgard#heâs been back a week and he canât stand it
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if I had a nickel for every time I was in a fandom and a child character had a breakdown and did something that accidentally hurt another character, and then the fandom all turned on the character and vilified them because they [the fandom] canât understand that sometimes 14 year olds make mistakes when theyâre going through something traumatic, I would have 2 nickels
not a lot but it really is weird it happened twice
#This is targeted at anyone who vilifies Gon from hxh or Homura from pmmm#âGon was manipulative towards Killua and took advantage of himâ shut up shut the fuck up#âHomura never actually cared about any of the other girls she only cared about Madokaâ never touch the internet ever again you absolute idi#Iâm sorry that some of you incells canât understand moral complexity or that characters canât always be 100% good all the time#they were kids#they were only 14#At the same time saying stuff like this is actively undermining both Gon and Homuras characters but also Killua and Madokas as well#Killua and Gons friendship was kinda toxic from the beginning. They were each others first ever friends#and they didnât really know how to have any#Gon was literally having a mental breakdown confronting the person who killed the closest thing he had ever had to a father#can you really blame him for lashing out???#And Homura#donât get me started on the amount of idiots in the pmmm fandom who think sheâs evil because he did what she thought was best for Madoka#she heard Madoka say she was unhappy being a god and how lonely she was and she took action#if she didnât care about the other girls then WHY DID THE CLARA DOLLA DRAG THEM INTO HER LABYRINTH???#WHY DID SHE MAKE SURE THEY WERE ALL HAPPY WHEN SHE REWROTE THE UNIVERSE??#she tried for years to save Madoka just to fail when she made her final wish to become a god#imagine how she felt when she realized she wasnât happy with that outcome either#when she realized she was all alone#she just wanted for her to be happy.#i swear to god#if you think either Gon or Homura are evil you might as well just block me now#because I fully believe you should not be allowed internet access#rant#rant post#pmmm#madoka magica#homura akemi#puella magi madoka magica#madoka kamane
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Youâre the resident chilchuck expert, so I was wondering about it thereâs any canon evidence that he did smoke or drink alcohol when the kids were younger. I always thought it was something he picked up due to the strain of long jobs, when the kids were already older, but you seem to think differently and I was wondering if there was anything in canon that made you think that way!
Now that you mention it I guess itâs true thereâs no evidence he did. Smoking we literally only know he does at all because of one post-canon panel where he has a pipe, so no, maybe this stick-looking thing in the panel below too though, Iâm not familiar with medieval blunts eh. Weâve only gotten one panel of him and his daughters interacting when he was younger so thatâs not too insightful on that end, and every time we see him young and freckled itâs in a job context so again not really where weâd expect him to be drinking. The earliest proof (/heavy implication since we donât see inside his cup I guess) is 3 years before canon when Laios hired him, where heâs at a bar, classily placed in front of all the bottles âš
Yes alcohol is almost certainly a way through which he copes especially with stress, so if we go with the theory he started around when work got stressful, well⊠Chilchuck started working as a dungeon diver ~10 years ago so when he was ~19, making Mei, Fler and Puck ~6 and ~4 respectively, so from that draw the âstressful enough to start drinkingâ line wherever. We donât know what he did before that with any certainty, and it could be he did odd jobs, lived off mostly mutual aid and community work, or just focused on only raising the girls. Half-foots tend to be poor and I see a lot of that in Chilchuck specifically so I donât think he could have afforded to not have some paying work though.
Alright, so then why do I think he did drink when the girls were younger?
I give a more complete rundown of the info we do have on his alcoholism & his family with panels and references + all the speculation I make from it here. But the most targeted and objective answer I can give is:
Of course thereâs just very very little we know of Chilchuckâs life with his family, and I think thatâs by design too. I think the details being up in the air is to allow more nuance of the topic, like, will trying to reconcile go well, is their relationship salvageable? We donât know, because we donât know. So the message of giving hope a chance even if itâs a long shot, that things could truly go either way, is more relevant, impactful and meta in that way. How long was he usually away for work travels into dungeons here and there? How did he act with them? All we can really do is "itâs likely that", itâs a game of which way we think itâs more implied. Thereâs no right and wrong answer, itâs all Marcille-like larping the events out.
My main reason for thinking he did is that his father died from overdrinking and Chilchuck is very aware of that. He mentions his death casually in the extra about their stance in alcohol and in his Adventurerâs Bible profile, etc. He acts towards the alcohol presumably the same way his father did: with abandon, uncaring for the health effects, probably happily too considering Chil says "dying doing something you love is a good way to go". Very nonchalant. So you see what Iâm saying here right, wether he started early or late, his view of alcoholism is very influenced by what he saw of his father growing up, itâs something heâs always been aware of and saw in a mostly positive light, something that was inherited you could say. Itâs something that was normalized to him from a young age. Regardless or where it goes from there I do think this part is pretty inarguable. If he views it positively and we know that in the present alcohol is his favorite food that he loveees, why would he have held out on it? Personally that all makes me think he started drinking very young, especially since I donât think they limited alcohol to age as much as modern standards (and I mean, teen drinking is obviously still a thing). And here you could argue, maybe his father only started being more alcoholic later when Chilchuck moved out, or something! And to that thereâs nothing I can say except I think thatâs a strained theory, and that Chil might even have largely cut contact with his family after moving out (since he and siblings are listed as almost strangers and he doesnât seem to have much emotional attachment to his parents, but also we know he rents out his place to "a relative"), but itâs true we have no evidence. "Iâve picked up the same unhealthy substance abuse as my father haha! No big deal right haha" repeated several times to me just reeks of intergenerational trauma, & the alcoholism gene as they call it. Like effortless sliding into drinking as if itâs second nature, itâs natural after all, itâs normal after all, it just makes sense, it makes you feel good and thatâs what matters.
BUT from my interpretation then we have a whole other layer: Alcohol is of course not all bad always. I think heâs always liked alcohol and drank it on occasion and it brought him joy etc etc, but I think here the implication in the question is, how much effect did his drinking have on the family relations and how early? And that isnât so much about when him drinking started but when the alcoholism started. Addiction is defined by a habitual need, that has negative effects from filling that need (physical, psychological, social, etc) and negative effects from withdrawal. If Chilchuck drinks to cope and he canât not cope without it, thatâs addiction, if it affects his relationships, if itâs a need he has, itâs addiction. Addiction can be very insidious or look very casual, and how much people around the person are affected by it is case by case. Cheerful drunks can be sooo annoying and uncomfortable though let me tell you. Drunks are drunks. And this sounds harsh, but even if people around them donât mind drunks itâll still have some effects here and there, living with one can be such a challenge, ily drunks good luck with everything much like Chilchuck you deserve good things đ«Ąă
Ok so with the dad thing and the "ok well maybe heâs always drunk casually but it grew worse with time around when he started working as a dungeon diver" precision made, the other bit of info we have that can inform this is that Chilchuck is on a harsh diet and that alcohol is a hunger suppressant. We know Chilchuck "used to be fine not eating for two days", that literally on screen to quench his hunger so it doesnât keep him awake he goes to drink water, drinking is his instinct to hunger. Again alcohol is a hunger suppressant and if you want info on that the internet has a lot of research and anecdotes about it. He diets to be light enough to not trigger traps, so itâs something heâd have started after dungeon diving most likely. Between the stress and the diet, yes itâs extremely likely he started going harder on alcohol after he started working in dungeons. Thereâs arguments on wether two days without eating is less bad for half-foots than humans, but apart from smaller portions thereâs nothing that indicates half-foots should get less than 3 meals a day. They need less food but thatâs because their bodies are smaller: the need is proportional to the body, not smaller than othersâ races, the % of need is similar even if the kg amount of food isnât. Thereâs also a popular headcanon with support basis that half-foots run hot and have a faster heartrate and whatnot, and that points towards a faster metabolism rather than a slower one: a bigger need for eating rather than a smaller one. He has the same bmi, 18, as Mickbell, but perhaps because Chil is much taller heâs less intensely visibly underweight with ribs showing than Mick during the bath extra, itâs most apparent when he becomes tallman.
Alcohol is something so important and omnipresent in his character that I have trouble believing itâs something that was part of only a small fraction of his life. Itâs his immediate go-to, his no-brainer solution to a good time, Iâve sort of always assumed especially after looking at his family that itâs something he discovered decently young. Like he just acts like someone whoâs always had alcohol to fall back on and started young idk. Alcohol is one of his 5 keywords. Alcoholism is very ingrained into his world view and life, his "it doesnât matter" stance his âwork hard play hardâ mentality his idea that the world is harsh so you get relief where you can, so it just makes sense to me that itâs always been in his life, if not actively then at least looming.
So yes, in summary, my take: Alcohol was always something he wholly enjoyed to an unwise level, but it could have been considered casual until he started working into dungeons and his need for it on a regular basis intensified. Alcohol has always had positive association to him as far as we see, so when it started being a problem he didnât see it as such. To quote him, "I drink anytime I get the opportunity to". Why always? Approval of fatherâs alcoholism. Why alcoholism at all? Diet + stress & coping mechanism & emotional stunting + relationship issues, and she decided she had enough after they went out for drinks.
Conclusion
Chilchuck having drunk from a young age makes sense to me and itâs the strongest narrative angle I see on the table, but thatâs objectively a me opinion, yes! Thereâs no evidence, moreso thereâs canon basis and supporting info, but itâs all very left up to interpretation. Iâve made my own interpretations of things from the scraps we see, like everyone else making Chilwife and daughters content. Wether you have a stance on the topic or prefer to leave it vague in your takes, itâll be a matter of what you think makes most sense, or what youâd rather believe I suppose (which is literally fine)
Thereâs a lot of subjectivity in even just setting up causal links like you probably noticed during this and I was careful with my word choices, because weâre just extrapolating from what we see and unless Kui states it explicitly from a reliable mouth all we can do is have informed opinions on most things. This particular interpretation is influenced by other details Iâve come to form about my interpretation of Chilchuck too, the more psychological and emotional sides of him and the timeline and how his marriage even happened, unplanned pregnancy imo. Like I hope you see what I mean, this wasnât supposed to be a speculation post just a quick simple answer but thereâs sort of just no other and concise but complete way with the subjectivity nuance to put "maybe it could be yes because of this but maybe it could be no because of this" haha
Edit: Wait the phrasing on this⊠Interesting. "In recent years"â This does imply that if not just his alcohol consumption increasing then the diversity and quality of it did, so either he indeed did start drinking more (not necessarily meaning he didnât drink before) assumedly because of his wife leaving, or he started drinking other/more different kinds of alcohol maybe due to the union he formed + his experience gave him greater salary than he had previously (and no wife and family to provide money for), a mix of both perhaps.
#Also heâs a lot like my own dad so to me with how he is itâs just an immediate âoh yeah he has always drunk duh of courseâ#So i can admit to bias. Or to specialized knowledge and authority on analysis idk in which way that tips the balance in my favor or not lol#Dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#meta#alcoholism#This post was meant to be short :|#-slaps chilchuckâs family- this baby can fit in so much projection#I have like 3 chil alcoholism & chil family fic wips rn weeeeee#Iâm the kind of alcoholicâs kid who grew up to never touch alcohol btw so like. Ik Chil could not have drunk young i just think he did#Can we appreciate the alcohol opinion & resistance chart actually. So often in media itâs either âalcoholâs a source of fun yippeeâ and#âalcohol is evilâ. Thank you Dunmeshi for diversity of opinion thank you for nuance i rarely feel so seen#Izutsumi deserves to tell Chilchuck he stinks#AND BY THE WAY I hope you donât feel talked down on anon. Ik you seem to have your own interpretation already & thatâs good#sometimes i was adressing like. The General Public TM more than you which is why I spent time on some things like âthink what you wantâ etc#Okok i hope that covers it. Help where does the time go#Itâs the sort of thing that makes Kuiâs masterful storytelling by implying things here and there until it forms a big picture frustrating#for meta. Like! You canât prove Chilchuck has been poor/grew up in an empoverished family/environment. Thereâs no evidence#but also you cannot tell me with a straight face that he isnât and hasnât like omg. But then it takes 30 pages to explain how heâs coded#Stop showing and not telling Kui smh /j#Ask#I think a lot about the trolls comic and man he was already so tense and grumpy and yelling. I do think that guy was stress relief drinking
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Long Post about Savage Opress because I am Normal
Savage Opress, you are everything.
You are at your strongest when you are fighting to protect the people you love. You had to participate in a battle royale and subjected yourself to a fate worse than death in order to protect your brother. You were forced to kill the brother you fought so hard to protect, your last words to him as he begged for his life were 'You make (me) weak'.
You are Frankenstein's monster, a kinslayer. You just have to live with that. Your mistress isn't giving you a choice in the matter.
You were placed under the control of a cruel master/mistress twice in the span of like a week. You were forced to betray your master and (under your mistress's orders) you killed two jedi, making you an enemy of the two most powerful entities in the galaxy. You made these enemies against your own will. You were lightning spammed and abused to the point that you were able to break free of your mistress's control.
You are then attacked by these two random jedi you have never met. They seem intent on bringing you in. They stand besides each other and fight to protect each other. You are reminded of how you did the same for your own brother. You killed that brother.
You run to the only home you've ever known, the same home that treated you as lesser-than and transformed you into what you are now. Your home is destroyed, all of your sisters are dead. You are upset by this. They were the cause of your suffering, but they were still kin.
You are told that you have a remaining brother, one who can make you strong enough to protect yourself. You decide to travel across the galaxy to find him. You killed your last brother, you will do anything for this one.
You seem to create trouble everywhere you are now. You are now incapable of solving problems without violence, so violence is what you become. You become hatred. You had love once, but everything that you loved is dead. Except for your remaining brother. You do whatever you must to find him.
You find your brother. Your brother is delirious and half-dead, but he is your brother and you found him. You can fix this. Your brother sees you too, or at least he sometimes does. You are a reflection of him, of what he was meant to be. You are strong and powerful. Your brother is not anymore, but he will be soon.
Your mother, the same woman who took you and warped you into a monster (that is what everybody calls you now), fixes your brother. Your brother grabs your face and twists it, painfully examining your every pore. You don't begrudge him this. You have done the same to it. Your face isn't yours, but it is the only face you have.
Your brother screams for vengeance against Kenobi, he must have revenge. You must stand by your brother, he is all that is left. You embark on a quest of vengeance against a man you only briefly met.
You become everything your brother needs you to be. You are his protector, his sword, his second-in-command. You have love again and you will do anything to keep it this time.
Your brother is a terrible person. Your brother will massacre a village for the sake of getting Kenobi's attention. Your living brother is nothing like the one you killed. You aren't sure this is a good thing.
Your brother lures Kenobi to the village and you both capture him. Your mistress shows up and immediately sets about belittling you. You are the monster she and your mother created. You are not her thrall anymore, you can fight her now. You do exactly that.
Your mistress and Kenobi retreat, your brother chooses to bide his time. You will wait with him.
Your brother and you infiltrate a ship, finding a fortune of credits. You are happy with this, you have never seen this much money in your life. Your brother's only fortune is the downfall of Kenobi.
Your brother calls you apprentice, decides that is what your relationship is now. You don't see the need for dominance, you are brothers after all. Your brother disagrees and you will subject yourself to this for your brother's sake. You are a reflection of him, of all his past flaws. You are devoted to those you love and able to feel things other than vindictive glee or hatred. Your brother is not anymore, he might never be again.
You think your brother is incapable of love. You love him all the same.
You and your brother next run into Kenobi with another Jedi Master. You do not know her name nor anything about her. You kill her, goring her with your (far larger than they should be) horns and running her through with your lightsaber. Your master is not forcing your hand this time, you can finally choose to make an enemy of the Jedi. You would have been their enemy either way, but the false choice is comforting regardless.
You and your brother corner Kenobi. You think for a moment that you have gotten the upper-hand, then Kenobi cuts your arm off. Your body leaks green magic. Your mother's magic still holds power over you even after everything. You wish it didn't.
Your brother shoves Kenobi away from you and decides to retreat. You aren't sure if this is a sign of affection towards you or if this is a strategic move. Your brother speaks as if it's the latter. You see no reason to believe otherwise.
You manage to escape, but are left adrift in space. You are freezing and slowly running out of oxygen. Your home was warm and full of breatheable air. You are alone with only a brother who calls you 'apprentice' for company. Your home was filled with brothers who called you by your name or by 'brother'. You are alive. Your home and brothers are dead.
You next wake up in an unfamiliar place. You smash all the equipment around you. You are now incapable of solving problems without violence, so violence is what you have become. Your brother informs you that his plans have changed, and now you two will be working with Deathwatch. You have no idea what Deathwatch is or who your brother just made a deal with. You will follow him regardless.
You stand up and hit your head on the lamp above you. You were supposed to be shorter than you are now. Your body is wrong. You look in the mirror and you are not yourself. Your body isn't yours, but it is the only body you have.
Your brother takes over Mandalore. You watch as your brother marches Kenobi into the throne room and prepares to execute the Duchess of this planet.
Kenobi offers sympathy. Kenobi recognizes that your brother never had a choice in joining the dark side. Kenobi had gone to your village and seen what it is like for the nightbrothers. Kenobi, despite everything, is trying to be kind.
You hear your story in Kenobi's words. You never had a choice in any of this. You never stood a chance. Your body isn't yours, your mind has been warped and twisted into serving the goals of another. You only wanted to protect your brother.
Your brother kills the love of Kenobi's life. Your brother has stripped himself and you of any possible chance to take the olive branch Kenobi was extending. You ask if you should kill Kenobi now. You know that stewing in grief and guilt can be a terrible fate. Your brother decides to keep him imprisoned. Your brother is counting on the Kenobi stewing in his grief and guilt. Your brother wants to drag out his suffering for as long as possible.
Your brother is in charge for less than a rotation. Your brother panics and bows before a withered old man, calling him 'master'. Your brother lies and fawns to his master. Your brother's master does not care.
You have never met this man before. You have no reason to fight him. Your brother is terrified of him. Your brother grovels before nobody, but he bows before this man. You don't have to do this.
Your brother needs you. You draw your weapon.
You manage to get a hit in on your brother's master. You are one of very few in the galaxy who can say that. You are at your strongest when you are fighting to protect the people you love.
You are stabbed in both your hearts. Your efforts to protect your brother, your pain and suffering, your love and affection, you, Savage Opress, you don't matter. You didn't know it, but you were fighting the most powerful being in the galaxy.
You never had a choice. You never stood a chance.
You die thinking you were unworthy of your brother. Your brother never said or did anything to make you think otherwise. You die calling yourself apprentice, that is the relationship your brother wanted. Your brother holds your hand as you die, it is trembling. You aren't sure if it is from grief or hatred. You decide it must be the latter. Your brother is only capable of hatred.
You knew your brother was incapable of love. You loved him all the same.
You don't know that you might have been the only thing your brother cared about besides his vengeance. You don't know that when you are unconcious he calls you by your name, he calls you brother. You don't know that he nearly killed the Death Watch soldiers, but stopped when they threatened you. You couldn't know. Your brother never told you.
You don't know that he uses his grief as fuel for his duel with Sidious. You don't know that he switches his ire away from Kenobi and decides that his former master is a more pressing target of his hatred You don't know that he spends the rest of his days trying to find a new apprentice to fill the hole you left and that it never works. You will never know. You are dead.
You died realizing you were nothing like your brother. You never were. Your body shrinks down, you finally look like yourself again. You can't be happy about this. You can't take relief in the fact that all the magic which ruined your life has been dispelled. You can't feel anything. You are dead.
You are right. You are nothing like Darth Maul. Your brother is motivated by hatred, you are motivated by love. Your brother will die having found peace, you died having found nothing but pain and grief and yet more pain.
You are my favorite magical girl and you have suffered so much more than Jesus.
#star wars the clone wars#Savage Opress#darth maul#obi wan kenobi#star wars#the clone wars#hey guys I think I have a new special interest#this is very bad. I have enough.#Savage isn't even my favorite Star Wars character. and I have THIS MUCH TO TALK ABOUT IN ONE POST#He IS my favorite character who doesn't make it out of Clone Wars. He is a CW only character and I am sad about that#When I heard that Maul was supposed to hallucinate him in Twins Suns but it was cut for time...AGONY#I get it but AGONY#But fr Savage is actually the most tragic character to me specifically.#this is obviously a lot of extrapolation from the stuff we're given in canon/my interpretation of it#but Savage is never allowed to emotionally react to things or even think about what's happened to him sooo#and Ventress never really explains how nightsister shit works either soooo idk I'm doing my best here#I haven't even touched on the fact that the transformation seems to have fucked with his intellect as well#his body isn't his and neither is his fucking mind. oh my god this man#he is a disability metaphor to me <3#you'd think I'm in love with this man the way I talk about him but I'm literally not into him at all I'm a fucking lesbian#I just think he's neat and also really sad and also jfc WHY AREN'T MORE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THIS MAN????#I will also never be over Obi-Wan trying to empathize with Maul as Maul is about to kill Satine. He is so fucking cool actually#And I will never not yell at the screen about how Savage would have been a good Jedi but he never got the FUCKING CHANCE#I'll stop now
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This is the first and the last time I engage in shipping discourse but as an An Shiraishi enjoyer I feel like I must put my foot down on this one. If you genuinely think Ena&An is an incest/incest-coded ship, what is Wrong With You.
It's one thing if you get grossed out by it, getting grossed out by things is your god given right & harms nobody & not shipping something is never an issue. But you cannot in good faith go and make this argument for EnaAn in the way you can for Touya, because they are not that and if you do not provide extensive context for your claim you are also spreading mildly malicious misinfo.
"An sees Ena as her older sister!" is, as far as canon is concerned, a statement completely out of the left field. What An does is make one (or two, I forgot if she does it in Mizuki2 but that literally doesn't matter for the purposes of this conversation) statement about how "she'd wish Ena could be her older sister" in response to Ena doing anything caring and nice to An. She does that because she's an only child with a wildly romanticised view on sibling relationship that she tends to apply to everyone, and because her familiarly with Ena comes first and foremost from knowing her as "Akito's older sister", which is the archetype An sees her before anything else, not because she actually sees Ena as family.
Notably, this narrative is largely absent from Resonant Town event story, where An sees Ena as Ena and only brings up her being an older sister when it actually matters for the conversation. She is completely capable (and does so) of viewing Ena as her own person and she does not see her as her own sister in any way or shape. She just expresses a daydream scenario in which she is, which means literally nothing considering how these two interact or what impression of each other they have.
I hope at least people who hold that position are doing that on purpose and getting giggles out of people believing them, otherwise I'm losing hope in media literacy existing entirely.
#jay rambles.txt#jay pjsk critical.txt#once again I'm not criticizing anyone's headcanons or aus of personal icks here#'I have a hc/an au/I just see then in an unequal relationship or An's statement irk me in that way' = more power to you and godspeed#I see why that happens and I understand. they're not my otp in canon either and some of An's statements did put me off a little#BUT You cannot go around claiming their relationship is in ANY way similar to Touya and the Tenmas. not even REMOTELY#unless you've only ever read ao3 fanfics about how Akito is adopted by Ken and never touched actually story with a 10 yard stick#then idk what to tell you.#and also yes yes Nagi is important to understand why An is Like This but I don't want to derail this post lol. if you get it you get it#incest tw#incest cw#idk how to tag this properly sorry. I hope you got the word banned cause uugh...
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such is the tale of a âšchronically online hypocriteâš
#(please forgive this old folkâs rambling for a hot min bc i need to get this off my chest somehow and in some way)#tl;dr: come and get into the hw idol series!!! we have ship discourse; more ship discourse; even more ship discourse#(yes ik people should be free to ship what they do b u t claiming a noncanon ship as canon and forcing it on everyone else is. not cool.)#yes yes fridayâs mv was visually cute and ino.rinâs singing was peak b u t i feel like it has caused more harm than good in some way???#i cant b e l i e v e the jp hwtwt beef over fridayâs mv is still going on mannnnnnnnn#no less than 3 separate people have made posts along the lines of#âp l s stop using [official tags] to post about *[unnamed] non-official ships* p l s thereâs a time and place for everythingâ#and n o n e of them even remotely run in the same circles yet theyâre all banded together against a *certain* group lmfao never change hwtwt#lhy (esp yhy) shippers are always at the scene of the crime mannnnnnn#i cant see anything on their end of the naval battle (has every single lhy tag+account that i could think of blocked)#b u t itâs still really funny to witness on my twtdash against my will. i think i need to touch grass#âkyhn isnât canon either so why do you like it while being such a hater towards lhyââ#great question!!!!!! itâs bc (disregarding the movie) they actually interact really well together~~~ like the honeypre event y kâ#and also bc yukki treats hina really nicely all the time (even when she was being tsun and literally running from her feelings for him)#a n d hina loved him for who he truly was; even before his image change arc. and she also does her best to appeal to him and such~~~~~~~#but lhy. uh. they just bully hiyo 95% of the time and while they do look out for her bc theyâre pals#theyâre just pals. guys. and lxl have gone âuwu it must be u uwuâ to each other one too many times so shoehorning hiyo between them would.#be pretty weird ngl? esp since the âwidely acceptedâ portrayal of lhy as a trio is p much just hiyo x 2 dudes who dont even like each other#and. like. a branch of such portrayals usually seem to have aizo waft away from the âr/s triadâ to date mona instead which is. very weird.#some people just pick and choose aizo and mona interactions dont they. all they see is the umbrella scene and go âah yes. canonâ#they dont even read further to see how mona doesnât even use the umbrella after aizo leaves (clear rejection)#a n d how aizo doesnât even remember giving the umbrella to mona + monaâs entire existence in general after that#and thatâs not even counting the grudge mona refuses to let go of even after what looks to be literal months#so for certain shippers to just casually shoo aizo out of the hiyoharem and into monaâs unwilling arms for the sake of yhy is. weird.#and like. shouldnât he and yujiro have a say in this?? theyâre more interested in each other than hiyo so just how are they being commonly#portrayed as hiyosimps in fanon? im so confused⊠like. wouldnât they be equally obsessed with each other (as w/ hiyo) if they were a rstrio?#aaaaaa get this off my twtdash plsssssssss pls see this post twtapp pls let this affect your dumb algorithm im tired of the ship discourseee#as funny as the âlhy vs the worldâ naval warfare is itâs getting. um. very annoying!!!! and now im missing nagisa more than ever s o b s#plsplsplsplsplsplsplsplspls influence the algorithm ragepost; ik big brother is đwatchingđ so do your thingâ#(pls feel free to duke it out with me too if yâall read this i need my birdsite algorithm to le a r n that i dont wanna see stuff like this)
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ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut
#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear#but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it#so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me#and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked#then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly#and now my perm is completely gone lol#i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit#and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks#but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow#eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start#anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short#then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real#and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again#and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim#then i somehow end up with a bowlcut#it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend#but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind#like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed#etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top#so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there#just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm#and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out#and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy#'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day#mine
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Honestly, getting real tired carrying and supporting other folks around here when most of them aren't returning the favor...
#i'm two seconds away from nuking everything in my queue and drafts out of spite#but i don't feel good about that bc there's innocent collateral#this is tumblrâ the place you're supposed to fucking share the stuff that your friend's and other people are making#and i get itâ it's not possible to like and reblog everything hereâ i understand that and i'm not expecting that#it just sucks constantly feeling like no one gives a shit about the stuff you're proud of and put effort intoâ y'know?#there's an entire subsection of this fandom that basically ignores any vper that isn't running modded on pc#which is like half the fucking fandom and i definitely pissed some of those people off just for choosing who i associate with#i've been writing in this fandom for three years now and i still don't feel like i have any fucking writing friends#or a good place to get technical support#the writing associates i do have either don't read anything i write or when they do won't comment for some inexplicable reason#(if you're an author on ao3 you knowâ first handâ damn well how much comments mean to authorsâ so what's the deal?)#(if you actually don't like itâ it's fineâ don't even touch the kudos buttonâ no one has to know you were there)#i'm traumatized from my previous discord experiences and am very reluctant to let people into my circle without vetting them first#even tumblr communities is a struggle for me because it still feels a like a popularity/social influence contest#and i know i'm fucking slow#sue me for having a life outside of the internet and wanting to be mindful and thoughtfully engaged with other people's artwork#i talk to people in the tags#i've been leaving comments on every fic i read now#i'm not expecting people to bend over backwards for me#but fostering community and friendships requires mutual exchange#and it's shitty feeling like you're generosity is constantly being fucking wasted#i'm trying to keep it fun around here but a lot aren't helping with that and this isn't a job for one person#sorry not sorry for the rant but i've been feeling very salty about this as of late#i know the holidays can be stressful and the fandom in general has been slowly shrinking which has probably exacerbated these issues#a lot of folks have moved on#but these issues have always been here and they aren't magically going to go away unless people work on them#i'm not expecting anything i make to break the bank at this point but when your friends won't even put your crappy art on the fridge anymor#like why are we here?#i also don't understand the people who are following me but never interact with anything i make???#rambling into the void
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Special Counseling (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#DAX#These are especially funny to me because I remember when I first looked through the gallery and was Deeply Distressed at ZEX like this#I didn't know the context yet so the betrayal was uncomfortable! As intended but unexpected haha âȘ#I love ZEX! Why would he do such a thing! Now I know <3 <3 And now I'm doing the same thing! Lol#The thought of ZEX never getting his own body again even for just a night even on the Institute's side ah it hurts#At least he'd finally have visual proof that it's Possible he never even saw Tanaka so for all he knows it was just another ''vision''#But of DAX <3 Of him getting his body back but turning on ZEX about it ough â„ And the fallout!! Agh!!!#The setups the payoffs <3 <3 <3#I wrote a bit more for both scenarios actually - of DAX actually pointing a laser pistol at ZEX and threatening to kill him#Thus why ZEX is questioning him the next day - was that brainwashing or would you really do that??#ZEX of course wouldn't have flinched at the time - and DAX's motivation either way that this is a fate unbefitting of his Admiral#''He lowered his head feelers in a sympathetic way. 'I can hardly stand to watch you waste away in that form. If you would ask it of me...''#Weh ;;#Can you tell it's a bit inspired by We Do What is Necessary hehe <3#Which btw you've read right it's so good everyone needs to read it <3#Remind me to make a separate post about that one actually I had the oddest reread experience :3c Fascinating âš#Anyhow lol#I actually like how I've written their next-day meetup after DAX returns to his senses more than I've drawn it hm :P#I think it's a specific line that sticks out to me - VUX communication through human bodies my beloved ;;â„#''He ran a hand down DAX's arm - a poor approximation of the gesture he was trying to emulate but he was sure DAX would understand.#They'd exchanged it enough times before.'' Hhhhhh â€ïžđđđđ ;;/â„ I love them <3 <3#Also forehead touches and holding face and hands and jfdsalkfd the tenderness and loyalty aghhahgah <3#I really like the idea of VUX lacing fingers with each other as a kind of twining/head tendrils holding replacement â„#The most intense one-eyed eye contact hehe <3
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#on this random monday evening I'm feeling salty how growing up in my family any touches were strongly discouraged#and although I was and am loved by my family members#hugs were only for special occasions like bday or xmas and that's it. very short and impersonal#I grew up understanding that no one would want to touch me unless required by social norms#we would eat at the same table as a family also only twice per year for xmas and easters#even birthdays were âhere's your slice of cake take it and go playâ#affection was through service and food and care but hugs are so nice why would anyone hate hugs from a child ;-;#I don't think I ever heard and actual âI love youâ from my parents either#and I tried to say ilys myself instead but it so visibly makes them uncomfy it's not even funny#too bad I'll never have my own kids to break this dumb tradition#but anyway guys tell your loved ones they're loved#it's better to say it more often than not at all#(also even my cat doesn't like to cuddle đ„Č what sort of military family is this eh)
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