#Aaah typing that out helped I feel so much calmer

[spoonless-sunflower]

AAAAA I'm so pissed!!

How many years do we have to deal with the same problems and I have to be told to just "be kind and patient" and then I DO and then I always feel so taken advantage of bc things get worse and I get disrespected so ofc I start yelling and screaming and asserting myself when things go wrong enough!! And I hate that!! Who wants to have a screaming match with someone they care about?? That sucks! But I also feel backed into a corner bc things don't change until I put my foot down!

Yesterday, Leo's therapist told her that she should ask me to be more patient with her. She was so nervous to tell me that too. But she's always nervous to assert herself or take up space. I told her it was ok and that I'm proud of her for asking. I want her to assert herself (not asserting herself is half the problem 😭😭😭). But it ended up being a whole conversation about how and where I've been able to be patient and where and why I haven't been. And I told her I want to be able to show her more patience but like when she takes two steps forward one step back? Fine. Easy. When she suddenly takes 60 steps back and is so nervous Abt messing up that she can't share a single thought or starts lying or avoiding me or disrespecting me or even building resentment towards me about things she was too nervous to even talk to me about in the first place?? That's so unfair?!

And fine, maybe we should go back to having some sort of back up plan so that it doesn't end up in a screaming match bc that isn't right. But dammit I guess sometimes I'm just so frustrated I really do wanna scream. And right now I have taken space so as not to scream and I don't know what to do with all this anger and frustration!! And it's only so frustrating bc most of our days together are so good and so happy and then there are these 60 step back days and idk how to deal with them anymore bc I keep thinking we should be doing better than this by now. That SHE should be doing better than this by now! Is the relationship expectation that we do this for the rest of our lives?

Ugh even as I type this, I hear how unfair it is that I expect her mental health journey to go at a certain speed. But it's just scary not knowing how long I'm gonna be taken on the ride. Maybe I do just have to be more patient. But when she takes those 60 steps back, it just feels like she's given up. It took so much fighting just to get her back into therapy. She's been able get over so many of her other hurdles in the past and I'm so proud of her. But this crazy guilt complex and putting herself down and spiraling into herself until she's in a self sabotaging tornado? It feels like it's only getting worse. And it's definitely started to put me back into my old cycles too. I feel my spikes up high and I'm afraid of trusting and being hurt and that I won't ever REALLY be loved. And I do have to take responsibility for my part in that. I just hate it.

[sunseteyes]

hii! may i request muichirou, heavy angst, with prompts “You’re not the only one who’s scared. I’m scared too.” and “You have to let me go.”? aaah i have tissues prepared already, lez goo 😭😭❣️

prompt 8. “You’re not the only one who’s scared. I’m scared too.”

prompt 10. “You have to let me go.”

muichiro knows you. you’re the one who was the rich kid and was always in the hospital.

and you were his best friend. and also the person he likes.

although like any other stories, this one was also inspired in a sad song, one that synchronized so well but hurts too bad, its melody flowing through his ears like a gentle voice lulling him to sleep as he lay down beside you on your hospital bed under the orange hues of the sun coming from the window of the room, his head leaning close to your heart,

listening if it was still beating.

when he first saw you clutch your hand to your chest, over your heart, it was as if his mind had stopped functioning, even as your teacher and classmates were shouting for help, like the broken plea in muichiro’s mind.

he was by your bedside the whole afternoon then, and ever since he’d be going to the hospital to visit you after school, spending two to three hours until visitors were not allowed anymore or if your parents would urge him to go since it’s nighttime and his parents and brother might already be finding for him.

he likes hearing your voice. so whenever he was there in your room, he’d ask you to sing for him, may it be just a lullaby or to lift up the vibrancy in the plain, dull room. he knows you were happy whenever you sing, so he listens, he urges you to do so, praising you every after song even if your voice would break from all the times you’d sing for him.

he’d still find it beautiful.

he’d record your voice in his phone, and he’d listen to them whilst he sleeps at night because it helps him. it’s like a foundation for his mind not to crumble to pieces at the thought of suddenly losing you.

which eventually did happen.

he was walking towards the hospital that time, tired of all the school activities that happened early on, when a phone call breaks his train of thoughts, lost in the clouds above the sky, the same sky you two would always talk about, pointing shapes and identifying them for hours long.

“mui, i’m going now.”

he had never ran so fast in his life, in spite always playing with yuichiro and you before, playing hide and seek or tag. he ignored the tiredness of his legs as he panted hard, his chest heaving up and down as he crossed the streets just to get to you fast.

it was so soon. too soon. the doctors said you still have three months.

why now? why would today be the day he’d been dreading for all these years? why today when it could be tomorrow, or next week or next month when he’d finally said everything to you, when he’d get to spend more time with you.

he needed more time. this is so unfair.

“(y/n)!” 

he hoped it was just a joke, that you’d be grinning ear to ear from your successful execution of a silly prank on him.

but you were never the type of person to do that. you tease him a lot but not to that point. you know how much he doesn’t like talking about your condition, your death, and how you would leave him someday.

because reality is too harsh, and even if it’s the truth, he doesn’t want to believe it, not when he was still figuring out what to do after he loses you, or how to even say goodbye.

he can’t.

you were smiling at him; gentle as a rose but sad like the sound of the patter of raindrops that would knock on the window in his and yuichiro’s room. 

your parents were there, and they were crying, hugging each other like they had just lost the most precious thing in their lives--not yet. but they were about to. muichiro knows that deep inside, they were wishing that they would have just brought you to this world with a healthy heart--one that wouldn’t have an irregular heartbeat and would threaten your life, then all of these things wouldn’t have happen. he couldn’t blame them, but he knows they blame themselves.

“no, don’t go! it... they said it would take three more months, right? why do you have to go now?” he sounded way desperate than he would have expected, but it doesn’t matter anymore.

because you look calmer than he imagined, and it’s making him more anxious.

“mui, i’m not going to die.” you say, your hands closing in on his, “i’m just going in an operation-”

“an impossible operation!” he interrupts. “can it... can’t the transplant wait a bit more?”

your smile was there, still sad and also reassuring, and your eyes were too, looking at him with the mirrored fear he has on his.

“it can’t. they said that if we won’t do it soon, we’ll have to wait a few months or maybe years more before we get another heart. today should be that day, mui.”

“but-but what if you won’t make it? why... why do you look so calm?!” he was questioning you, with how much you were trying to calm him down, he thinks you might have just been too reckless yet again.

“look at me, mui.” you cradled his cheeks, the same way you do when you two were little kids, him with his scraped knee and yuichiro with his bottle of alcohol and cotton to dab on his brother’s injury as you attempt to soothe his fear, much like you’re doing now.

with the difference of who was in need of caring for their health.

“you’re not the only one who’s scared... i’m scared too.” you say in a hushed voice, as if it was a secret only shared to him, promising never to tell it to anyone else because it’s something only the two of you should have and keep.

“you have to let me go, mui.” he felt the warmth of your hands leave his, but he was still clutching on your other, desperate.

“you have to let me go or i won’t have the confidence to do this.” you look down then, to your connected fingers, both aching to hold on.

so he lets go. and he watches as they take you away from him and your parents, their cries like a singing radio behind him, as if a sad and depressing song came to be his background music for the silent beating of his own rhythmic heart, one that was far different than yours.

and underneath that familiar golden hues of the sun, he sat all alone, on the same room he used to be with you. he plugs his earbuds on as he plays the recordings of your voice, reminiscing on the times that were not today, just to take his mind off of the fact that he might not be able to say what he has to say or have more time with you.

then finally, he’d regret—that maybe, he should have told he has feelings for you, then his heart wouldn’t be this heavy despite being young and healthy.

much unlike yours that already stopped beating.

my heart hurts so much i am so unfair to mui :(((( yui’s coming up soon bc of someone ehem. although don’t you think this one ended in an open ending? hmmm

feel free to keep the requests coming!! i’m in a roll today lmao

event links: prompts and masterlist

[gg-astrology]

hi the voice acting anon here! what i mean is that the person i’ve been working with from what i know is that they’ve only been into acting only recently but still! even though they’ve been into it for a short time it seems natural to them? they’re able to quickly go into character and i was wondering i guess what makes someone a natural at voice/facial expressions

Hey there!! 💕💕💕 Oohh that’s so interesting! 💕 I think I can work with this?

Since there’s a variety of ways a person can ‘excel’ at something (different ways of approach, expressing, learning) here’s a few things that came to mind? 💕

Voice Acting ⬇️

First is ‘creativity/expression’ -- which is what we’re focusing on here? Voice actors doesn’t necessarily have to share the same ‘style’ of voice or approach to each other -- that creates ways for each signs to make their own ‘marks’ in how they portray the character/stylistic choices (I’m thinking of the Scorpios, Capricorns out there..)💕

Neptune aspects, as well as Venusian signs or Moon signs can actually be pretty great for expression of arts (portraying). 

Pisces placements, Taurus placements or Cancer placements have potential to be great at expressing the art and adding the extra ‘oomph’ into it. Or adapting themselves (in Pisces case) to ‘embody’ it naturally. 

Evoking emotions seems important in this field (evoking emotions in others, etc.) -- and in terms of that, a certain realism and power/strength is needed to bring that through (Cancer/Taurus)

From what I can gather we’ll need something ‘lighter’ to flex it up (be more flexible?) 

Gemini, Virgo and Aquarius can be helpful in loosening things up a bit. Not all Gemini/Virgo/Aquarius Mercuries are good at expression with their voice though, some may prefer more ‘technical’ methods or network, like radio hosting or talking/explaining in general. 

But Mercury is important, and combine that with certain Moon placements, Neptune aspects or Sun/Mars/Venus -- they may have potential to do what they think they ‘couldn’t do’ (so be hopeful!) 💕

Venusian sign like Taurus (who rules the throat) or rulers of the houses (2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th and 12th) -- being ruled by a sign that’s helpful to them (the ones in this answer) -- can also help with ‘naturalizing’ things through experience (grasping things and making it into an ‘asset/skill-set’)

Voice ‘actors’ also talks about ‘acting’ -- Leo, Aries-- Sun or Mars can be helpful for this as well. 

Leo, Aries-- Sun or Mars can be helpful with ‘act/expression’ -- even if they aren’t placed as a ‘body’ -- where they rule the house (2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th or 12th) --can help with bringing a certain ‘style/attitude’ through 

Sometimes you just gotta ‘act’ with your face and it’s a physical thing (from what you’ve described to me) --- 

So aspects here (Leo/Aries)-- or placements/house rulers can indicate that too (*depends on the person and what’s happening contextually) It sounds like you do need the power, and with that-- aspects to Sun or Mars can be helpful here in propelling that outwards.

Embodying power and sometimes ‘method’ acting -- Capricorn placements are surprisingly good at embodying their type of ‘style’. It’s the calmer sense, the deeper kind of feeling. Different from say, Scorpio placements which can express a wider range of emotions, ones that ‘pushes’ people into reacting or ‘isn’t afraid to take up a challenge’ sometimes (*depends on the context/person/development as well)  

Perhaps this can sometimes be good especially if you’re contrasting it to ad-libbing (i dont know much about voice acting im sorry ;;) which would indicate some Uranus influence perhaps.

But yeah... sorry for the long-ish answer and I hope it makes sense!! 💕💕 Here’s a shorter summary for you:

Taurus, Cancer, Pisces placements 

Moon, Mercury, Venus. 

Leo, Aries placements 

Mercury, Mars, Sun 

Moon/Neptune, Moon/Venus, Neptune aspects or strong Venus aspects (strong Moon aspects as well)

A ‘flexible’ sign in there-- Gemini, Virgo, Aquarius

Strong Mercury  

Scorpio, Capricorn

Signs ruling the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th or 12th house.

Planets ruling the signs that are in 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th or 12th house 

(like say there’s Taurus in the 6th house, and you have a Pisces Venus. You’ll have the Pisces Venus as the supervisor of the Taurus in 6th’s work. Bringing in a sense of dreaminess, imagination, creativity into the practical, hard-working and sensual Taurus as well.) 

So yeah!! 💕💕💕 I hope this is helpful 💕💕💕 Sorry for it being kind of long aaah ;; 💕💕

Another thing to note: emphasis on the MC/IC/ASC angles can also help with ‘externalizing’ ‘inner thoughts’ on the project. Hmmm Jupiter aspects as well -- if Mars doesn’t cut it for you, Jupiter is essentially a fast learner/grower. If you’re not looking for ‘activity’ but more like for ‘growth’ -- Jupiter can also indicate that (aspects to it) 💕