#AT FIRST I THOUGHT THOMAS WAS KAZ

[its-tea-time-darling]

aahhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SIX OF CROWS AU —

Dirtyhands!Teresa x Wraith!Thomas

[heliads]

Hoaxes and Hearts

Based on this request: “AU one-shot where Maze Runner characters are in Shadow & Bone. The pairing is Newt x female reader. Minho is Alina Starkov. Thomas is Mal Oretsev. Y/N L/N is Kaz Brekker. Teresa is Inej Ghafa. Newt is Jesper Fahey. He is Y/N’s boyfriend and a member of the Crows. Gally is the Darkling. Brenda is Genya Safin. Jorge is the Conductor.”

masterlist / part two

You are sitting with your back against the wall, wondering if you’re about to make a terrible choice. It takes a lot to survive in the Barrel, and even more to run it like you do. They call you Dirtyhands, the Bastard of the Barrel, the one person who’ll probably be ruling hell when they finally make it there themselves. 

The other two people around the table, though, just call you Y/N. They’re your gang, the only two people you’ve got the nerve to trust in an entire city full of traitors and liars. What’s funny is that you three are the worst of that lot by far, yet you’ve called for them and only them because they’re the ones who will actually watch your back instead of plunging a dagger into it. 

They’ve been on countless jobs with you, yet for some reason you hesitate now, before you have to explain the latest task before you and ask them to sign away their lives yet again. It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done the impossible together, but this one is riskier than all the others. 

You look at them now, your favorite Dregs. Newt’s watching you candidly; he’s never had to hide his gaze, not with you. You’ve yet to see him turn down a dare if his friends are involved, but his fingers still idly tap on the pearl-handled revolvers at his sides. He’s a good shot, possibly the best there is. 

You’re going to need your sharpshooter tonight, you know that. Still, you don’t like the thought of risking his life on a hopeless crusade. Newt was a good kid, once, a farm boy who grew up taking shots in between towering rows of corn and tomatoes instead of dodging criminals and convicts like the rest of you. Were it not for the fact that the payout for this job could make all of you kings and queens, you’d never ask Newt to do a job with this many faults. The thought of seeing him finally at peace, eyes closed and heartbeat gone, fills you with far more dread than it should. 

Beside Newt, Teresa stares out the window, searching for someone she knows she’ll never find. You’ll need your Wraith in this job, too, and especially tonight. Teresa deals in secrets, and knows just about everything on just about anyone, yet no matter how hard she searches, she never hears about the one person she wants to find most of all. 

You brought Teresa out of an indentured servitude from a brothel down the block, the Menagerie. Since then, she’s been nothing if not loyal, but you can tell that her focus always shifts back to those darker days if she’s not careful. 

One time, she told you about a boy she’d left behind there, a boy named Thomas. She thought she could get him out, and he thought she was betraying them to Ava Paige, the head of the Menagerie. He ran and never forgave her, and Teresa has been trying to find him again ever since. 

These two are your right and left hands, the backbone of your gang. As much as you hate to admit weakness, you wouldn’t be where you are today without them. Now, you’re asking them to risk their lives on a foolish quest that nobody would look at twice. 

Nobody, that is, except Dirtyhands. 

There is no more time to prolong the inevitable, so you fix each of them with a steely gaze. “There’s an opportunity coming up. Dangerous, but the payoff will be more than anything we’ve ever done before.”

Newt arches an eyebrow. “You say that as if it’s meant to dissuade us. Dangerous just means fun.”

Teresa leans forward. “You’ve never warned us about danger before. What happened?”

A muscle in your jaw clenches and you have to force yourself to relax before continuing on. “I was warned to stay away before we even had this conversation by Janson.”

Newt inhales sharply. He knows just as well as you do what Janson’s warnings mean. Janson is the head of your rival gang, W.I.C.K.E.D., and he’s notoriously brutal, perhaps even more than you. What’s more, your conflict with him is personal, although you don’t think Janson remembers. 

You were a kid when W.I.C.K.E.D. screwed you over, just a kid. They said they could help you survive in this sort of world, that you could make a difference and make choices the right way. To a bunch of kids who were too young to bear half the weight on their shoulders, it sounded perfect. 

You managed to get away when the Queen’s Lady plague spiked and everyone was forced inside. It took your brother from you, though, and made you swear to get your revenge on Janson one day. He could have helped, and instead he made all of you monsters. For that, he will pay. You won’t rest until he does. 

Newt knows this, and he knows what Janson warning you away means. “You’re not backing down, are you?”

You shake your head once, decisive. “No. The rest of you can, though.”

Newt laughs. “You don’t actually think we’re going to leave you on this, right? I’m in, all the way. Should be fun at any rate.”

You give him a look, but before you can challenge this, Teresa nods as well. “If Janson tried to warn you away, it means the job’s more important than he cares to let on. He always has his reasons for doing things, and I want to know his motives.”

That’s Teresa for you, you suppose, always in it for the secrets, the knowledge. You can’t say you blame her- you’ve been thinking about this very job ever since you heard about it.

Newt taps absentmindedly on the table in front of him. “So, what’s the job, anyways? I haven’t heard any talk in the whole place, so it must be secretive.”

You nod once. “Secretive and recent. Rumor has it that we need to find a way to cross the Shadow Fold by midnight tonight.”

Teresa blows out a low breath. “That’s almost impossible.”

Newt chuckles to himself. “Nothing we do is impossible. I’ve even seen Y/N smile.”

You roll your eyes. “Much of the job sounds like a hoax, anyways. Were it not for the massive payoff, I’d think they were trying to make fools of us. They want us to find the Sun Summoner. He’s a boy named Minho, and they want him brought here.”

Teresa’s eyes widen. “The Sun Summoner has been spotted?”

You hold up a hand to stave off her excitement. Teresa has always believed in morals, ethics, that there is a sense of right and wrong, and in a world like this, those take the places of the Saints. The Sun Summoner is another one of her stories, but you see it as nothing more than an excuse to let people push their problems off to the future, hoping that some mythical hero will come to save them.

Nobody is saving you, though, just yourself. “I wouldn’t get too interested. It’s likely a fake, some boy waving a torch that made people lose their minds. At any rate, it’s a job.”

Newt smirks. “Always the optimist, aren’t you, Y/N? You hear about a Saint come to live with us and you call him a party trick.”

You fold your hands over the crow’s head cane at your side. “I’ll believe in the Saints when they deliver me salvation from their very own glowing hands. Until then, I believe in what money can do for us, and this job’s got a better chance at that than any amount of miracles.”

Teresa wants to argue with this, but eventually the three of you leave your office at the top of the Slat in search of answers. Crossing the Shadow Fold is damn near impossible; doing it with a kidnapped Sun Summoner will be even harder. You’ll need your own way across, something no one has been able to accomplish in all the centuries since the mass of shadows split Ravka in two.

You do find something, eventually, thanks to a liar in the Crow Club. There’s a man here who goes by the name of the Conductor. Teresa finds him first, and after dodging Ava Paige’s desires to get the guy working for her or dead, you question him long enough to find out his motives.

The Conductor, as it turns out, is a middle-aged man graying at the seams. He calls himself Jorge, and despite the fact that you can’t tell whether or not he’s entirely playing at the tough madman look, you think you’ll be able to get him to work.

You can tell he’s hiding something, though, and after a few more words are discussed Jorge confesses why he’s been so invested in finding a way across the Fold. There’s a girl in East Ravka, he says, Brenda. She’s technically a Corporalnik, but she had the strange ability to alter people’s faces instead of stopping their hearts. She was a friend of Jorge’s, but he hasn’t seen her since she was taken to the Little Palace. He’s heard terrible rumors of greedy kings and jealous queens, and hopes to find a way to get her out or at least make sure she’s alright.

Eventually, you, Newt, Teresa, and Jorge set out for the Fold. Jorge has a clunker of a train ready for you, and after Newt manages to come up with some alabaster coal to power the thing, you’re on your way over to Ravka.

After many tense discussions, some within Jorge’s range of hearing and some outside, you form a plan. It had been brewing in the back of your mind for a while, the scraps of something that could work, but now you know for sure that it will. At least, you can hope. Few things truly go according to plan, and on a job like this, all bets are off. 

You and Teresa are inside the Ravkan palace now, watching the Winter Fete progress. You have yet to see Minho, but that’s no guarantee. The Grisha have likely kept their Sun Summoner safe until the last minute, too afraid of what kinds of people would come looking for him. People like you, for example. Monsters and thieves. 

Newt is somewhere outside, arranging a quick method of escape. He’d complained at this in the beginning, that he was so removed from the fight. You didn’t have the heart to tell him that it’s because you cannot stand to lose him, and at least one of you should get the chance to run if things go south. 

Murmurs begin to drift through the room, spreading like wildfire until voices seem to cascade from every corner and stairwell. 

You nod at Teresa. “This should be it. Stay close and stay wary.”

Across the room, two figures emerge from a distant hallway. One is dressed in white, and she matches the description Jorge gave you- this must be Brenda. She looks anxiously at the boy in front of her, the one pushing recklessly through the crowd as if he couldn’t care less about what rich noblemen thought of him.

Minho, the Sun Summoner. He walks to the stage after conversing with a few other Grisha. You don’t know what to make of him; this boy wears his heart on his sleeve, and doesn’t bother hiding a single one of his emotions. He doesn’t seem the type to pull an elaborate hoax on everyone present, wouldn’t try and convince everyone that he’s a rare and powerful Etherealnik few have even heard of, but appearances can be deceiving.

The lights in the room dim, and Minho spreads his hands. His eyes flash, and sunlight begins to pour from his hands. A proud smirk lodges itself firmly into his expression, and you get the feeling that this boy is not the type to doubt himself. He’d run himself into the ground if he thought it meant protecting those he cared about; either that, or let his power run wild into the world if it abandoned him.

Sunlight fills the room, ricocheting off of every corner and wall. Beside you, Teresa clasps a hand to her heart, almost to the point of tears. She whispers something in your ear about how she’s never felt something like this in a long time. You would beg to differ, though. This sort of warmth, this feeling of never having to be alone- you feel it every morning when you see Newt. He is the precise shade of light that is currently being draped across the halls, and even if he’s technically outside preparing the carriage, when Minho spreads his arms you can practically feel Newt standing next to you.

Teresa looks stunned and amazed, but you just think about what this means. The Sun Summoner is real, Minho just proved himself, and that means you need to get on with the plan. You and Teresa wait until Minho steps from the stage and escapes from the quickly arriving crowd of supporters to make your move.

You’re supposed to pose as guards and pretend that you’re going to usher him to dinner, but the second you and Teresa try to get Minho anywhere a new figure shows up, this one clad in robes of black. Gally has been general of the Second Army for some time now, although he’s long been plagued by a deadly nickname. The Darkling, come to ruin you all just like his ancestor did long before.

Gally nods brusquely at the two of you. “I’ll take over. We need to discuss the war.” 

You’ve heard rumors from offended serving staff that Gally and Minho get on far better than they should. Although Minho’s supposed to be a paragon of hope and sunlight, he’s apparently shown himself to be far more brutal than most saints. That’s where he gets along with Gally, at any rate. They seem to be rather wary friends, but it’s a friendship that makes Fjerda and Shu Han tremble with fear.

Minho heads away with Gally before you and Teresa can say another word, both Grisha talking in low voices. Their faces are twisted with something dark, something like a need for vengeance. You’ve seen it on your own face too many times to count.

Teresa looks nervous, but no matter. All plans were made to change. You follow the two Grisha out, hoping to catch Minho when Gally is brought away by another matter. 

As it turns out, that won’t happen. Minho all but disappears- you can’t find him anywhere, and neither can Teresa, which surprises you. Eventually, you’re forced to retreat back to Newt’s side, although he seems strangely pleased about the whole matter. He refuses to say a word on it, though, not until the next day dawns and the carriage stops.

Newt proudly opens the trunk of the carriage to reveal one startled, wary Sun Summoner. You look slowly from Minho, who’s crawling out of the carriage with his hands raised in warning, then back to Newt, who looks as pleased as if he’s just been named the world’s best sharpshooter.

“This is why you looked so proud of yourself?”

Newt just smirks. “Hey, I did my job. That makes one of us, by the way.”

You deliver your best cutting glare, but it just makes Newt’s smile grow.

Minho coughs pointedly. “Who are you people, and why are you looking at me like I’m some sort of prize money?”

You fold your hands on top of your crow’s head cane. “Probably because you are. We know you’re the Sun Summoner.”

Minho’s face darkens. “Then you know I won’t hesitate to take all of you down.”

Newt’s hands drift towards his guns, but you hold up a hand. “That doesn’t have to happen. You’re running, aren’t you?”

You recognize the strained look on Minho’s face, the way he keeps glancing around as if in search of a way out. We all look like this in the Barrel, we all keep our weight on our toes and measure our futures in how quickly they can be escaped. Wouldn’t it be something to get away with this job after all?

Minho looks surprised that you managed to figure this out, so you keep going. “You’re in need of protection, a place to belong. We can give you all of that. All we ask is that you hold off on blinding us for a little while. It’ll be hard to outrun all of the Darkling’s Grisha, won’t it? You know his ruthlessness firsthand. Use yours to escape him. Come with us.”

Minho wavers, but eventually shakes his head. “I need to find a friend of mine.”

You arch a brow. “We’re rather good at finding people. Come with us, maybe we can track him down together.”

Minho’s gaze shutters. “Sounds like you’re trying to kidnap me, which I am very much against. Thomas is already looking for me, and he can find his way anywhere, out of any trap.”

Teresa gasps. It’s one of the first times you’ve seen her truly shaken. “Did you say your friend’s name was Thomas?”

Minho frowns. “Yeah, we’ve known each other for years. I can’t even remember what life was like before he joined us at the orphanage.”

Teresa looks thunderstruck. If this is her Thomas, then she’s going to want to keep Minho close so she can find her friend once more.

Minho seems to realize this, and raises his hands higher. “I’m not going to say it again. Let me go or else.”

Enough is enough. You start to move forward, as does Newt. You need to finish the job. Minho flinches at the movement and brings his hands together. A wave of sunlight bright enough to scorch your retinas cascades from him, forcing you to look away lest you be blinded outright. When you look up again, even half a moment later, Minho is gone.

You curse. “Fan out. We need to find him.”

Newt’s already shaking his head, confirming the truth that you don’t want to hear. “He’s gone, Y/N. We need to figure out what we’re going to do, not center around him.”

You nod. “Jorge stayed at the Palace, something about how he needed to stay for Brenda. He’s either with her or captured, and we can’t afford to waste time waiting for him. We need a new way to cross the Fold.”

It’s an impossibility, and all three of you know it. A heavy silence descends upon the camp, which only worsens as darkness grows. Teresa retreats inside an abandoned barn you’d found along the path. She hasn’t been the same since she heard Thomas’ name; it’s like she’s been reminded of a thousand memories, all of which she never thought she’d have again.

Newt, on the other hand, has only seemed more and more irritated since Minho gave you the slip. Eventually, his constant pacing wears on you, and you turn to him at last.

“What’s giving you such trouble? Either figure it out or put a stop to it, I’m sick of your worrying.”

Newt laughs, although the sound is far from pleasant. “Such kind words from our leader.”

You raise a brow. “I have never been kind, Newt. Don’t go looking for what you know I won’t show.”

Newt raises his hands to the sky as if silently pleading with the Saints to give him a better shot. “And you seem to revel in it, too. Honestly, would it kill you to show some emotion for once?”

You give him an unimpressed look. “I’m disappointed that the job didn’t go according to plan. Happy?”

Newt makes a face. “Delighted. Have you ever cared about anyone other than yourself, or is that all just a joke, too?”

You look over at him, attention now fully turned towards the conversation. “That was an abrupt change. Something on your mind?”

Newt glances towards the barn, where Teresa still remains inside. “Teresa just found out that the one person who matters most in her life might be within arm’s reach. We just lost our way home, and all you can think about is that you might miss out on the money.”

You consider the night sky before you, somehow unable to meet his gaze. “One of us has to think about the rational things. Why shouldn’t it be me?”

Newt sighs, running a hand through his golden hair. “Why am I even on this team? Why do you still keep me around? Don’t tell me there’s something rational about that too.”

You walk a few paces over to him. “Why are you bringing this up now? I hired you because you were a good investment, someone I could trust. That’s rare. I keep you here because you’ve proven yourself time and time again.”

Newt nods, although he doesn’t seem any happier. “Not because you enjoy my company? Because we’re friends?”

You scoff and look away, but Newt continues. This time, his voice is softer, as if he’s afraid. “I found out something about your files. You’ve only been hiring people who are immune to the Queen’s Lady plague. Teresa’s immune, Jeff’s immune, everyone is. Everyone except me. Why am I here, Y/N? Why go to all that trouble for some guy who doesn’t fit your standards?”

A sudden burst of rage spikes through you, too hot to stamp out. “Am I not allowed to have my secrets? Can’t you just respect me making my decisions for what is best for the Dregs?”

Newt shakes his head. “Not when it means you don’t care about me. What am I, anyway? A throwaway, someone you can risk on dangerous jobs because it won’t matter if I get out or not?”

You rear back, stunned. “Newt, the one reason you’re here is because I care too much about you. The rational thing to do would be to have never hired you in the first place. Everyone’s immune because I cannot stand losing a single other person, not to the plague. I can protect us from that, but I can’t protect you. You’re still here because I cannot bear to lose you. It is risky, and dangerous, and the worst sort of weakness, but I cannot lose you, Newt. That’s why.”

You take a harsh breath, swear you can feel it rattling in your lungs. Newt looks taken aback. “You care about me?”

You step away, unable to face him. “Too much so, yes.”

You hear the sound of footsteps and distantly wonder if he’s running away, so sick of you that he can’t bear to be around you anymore.

Then he’s in front of you, reaching for you, kissing you, and you cannot think about anything else but you and him and how good it feels to kiss him after all of this time.

Newt breaks away, laughing slightly in spite of himself. “You could have said that a little sooner, you self-sacrificing idiot.”

You reach out to tap him on the chest, right above the heart. “You shouldn’t call the leader of your gang an idiot. I’m known to kill people who displease me.”

Newt smirks, kisses you again. “I’d like to see you try.”

maze runner tag list: @rogueanschel​, @ellobruv, @lxncelot, @neewtmas, @thatfangirl42​

requested by @thornyrose463​, who also made this moodboard!

[pregnant-piggy]

Reminds me of home

Jesper Fahey x reader

words: 5.5k

warnings: mentions of food and animals, reader’s mother is dead, no pronouns used for the reader

A/N: this is my first time writing Jesper, so I struggled with his character and don’t think this is totally right, but I loved writing this too much not to share it with you :) please let me know what you think, thank you!

The sun was setting slowly in the sky, painting orange strikes on a gradually darkening canvas, when Jesper checked the note in his hand one final time, before stepping onto the driveway of the old farmhouse. Around the farmhouse lay a yellow-green grass lawn, with on the left side of the house a little garden with flower beds in full bloom. Behind the house stood the stables and sounds of breezing horses and bleating goats filled the air, along with the lingering scent of drying grass. 

The front of the house was covering in shadow, the red bricks and woodwork a tone darker than they would be in the sunlight. Above the front door hung a single lamp, and the flickering of the fire inside of it wasn’t enough to compete with the light of the setting sun. 

Jesper groaned as he walked over the driveway to the front door. He wondered what the odds were that he had pulled the farm out of the stack with hideouts. 

A week ago, Kaz had come with his plans for a new job. This time the victim was a rich merchant, who had a large estate in the country lands outside of Ketterdam. The merchant’s name was Klaas Rover and he was well-known in wealthy circles. 

Just recently, Rover had bought a very pricey DeKappel painting and Kaz had found out that he was moving the painting to his country-estate at the beginning of that week. The basics of the plan had been easy. As long as Rover wasn’t at the house and the painting was, it would be impossible to get it with all the security. But, according to Kaz, there would be one moment of weakness in the security. From the morning Rover would step foot into his mansion to the night he’d fall asleep there, the merchant would want to showcase his painting to everyone who’d want to see it. That night had been the night to strike. 

And so had Kaz done. He had set out with a small team; Inej and Jesper had been at his side, followed by two other Dregs, Pieter and Roos. The whole operation had gone according to plan and the painting had come off the wall and outside without a hitch. 

That was why it had come as a surprise when Kaz had pulled out three pieces of paper with the notion that they had to hide for a couple of days. Inej had gone with Kaz, Pieter and Roos were together, and Jesper was alone. 

‘Remember, you are Thomas van Dijk now,’ Kaz had said before they had parted ways. ‘You are a student and stranded alone after a trip with your fellow students. I know the people there and they will take you in.’ 

Kaz had disappeared before Jesper could say anything and he had seen no other option than to follow Kaz’s orders. 

So now he was standing in front of a farmhouse, silently cursing his friend before knocking on the door. 

A broadly built man opened the door and eyed Jesper suspiciously. This one tried to keep his easy posture and smile, but he felt himself grow slightly uncomfortable under the gaze of the man. 

‘What do you want?’ he asked brusquely. 

Jesper swallowed and his hands automatically reached for his hips, finding nothing but air there as he had hid his revolvers in his bag, figuring it wouldn’t be too great of an entrance. He scratched the back of his head and let out a nervous chuckle. 

‘I’m Thomas van Dijk,’ he started, wondering if the man would ever believe him. ‘I uhh… I was out with friends—a break from studying, you see? And this morning when I woke up they were gone and they took all transport… so I was wondering if I could perhaps stay here until they pick me up again?’ 

The man glanced at Jesper for a while. ‘D’you know farm stuff?’ he then asked. 

‘Sure,’ Jesper shrugged, figuring that it couldn’t be all too hard. 

‘Alright, then,’ the man nodded and stepped aside to let Jesper in, ‘you can stay here for a few days.’ 

Jesper sighed relieved and walked into the farmhouse, only realising inside that he had had no plan if this hadn’t worked out. 

The interior of the house reminded Jesper of his home in Novyi Zem. The walls were painted in a warm colour green and an old rug lay on the stone floor. On the wall in the little hall hung a portrait of a beautiful woman standing in a field of wildflowers. She had long hair framing her face, falling down in curls around her shoulders. The woman looked like she was in her late thirties, but she had a smile that was ageless. 

Jesper followed the man into the next room, which was the living and dining area. There was an open door that led to the kitchen, from where Jesper could smell whatever the man was cooking. Another door probably led to a staircase, Jesper figured by the shape of the little space behind it. 

The main room was an extension of the hall. The same green coloured the walls here and more paintings hung on the walls. Jesper recognised the woman in more pictures on the wall, and sometimes she was accompanied by a child. 

Jesper looked around, wondering where the rest of the household was. Kaz had spoken about more than one person, but so far Jesper had only seen one; and that one was standing right in front of him. 

‘You can sit there,’ the man said and pointed at the chairs around the table. ‘You want dinner?’ 

‘I’d really appreciate that, sir,’ Jesper said and the man nodded before he disappeared into the kitchen.

-=-=-=-=-

The sky was dark and the last rays of the sun were setting behind the horizon when you heard the bell from the kitchen, telling you that dinner was ready. 

You always spent so much time outside that your father had given up on trying to find you for dinner. Instead he had installed the bell to let you know when you had to come home, and when you cooked you used it to get your father back home. 

You got up from your spot on the ground next to Klara. She was the oldest cow you had at the little farm and she had been your mother’s favourite. However, two nights back Klara had suddenly fallen ill and so far she hadn’t improved yet. You had spent the last two days neglecting your duties at the farm to take care of her. Klara was the one thing that was closest to your mother and you refused to say goodbye to her too. 

Silently you slipped from the stables and walked back to the house. There was light burning behind the windows and you saw the silhouette of your father inside, sitting at the dinner table. In a flash you thought you saw your mother there too, but as you blinked the image fell away. 

Stepping through the backdoor in the kitchen, you kicked off your boots and shrugged off your coat. Quickly you washed your hands and face and arranged your hair, before you walked into the living area, knowing that your father liked you to not be messy at dinner. 

‘Klara’s not any better,’ you said as you walked into the room. ‘She’s just lying still and—’

You stopped talking as your eyes found the stranger at the dining table. He was sitting opposite of your father, looking at you with a smile. The boy could be not much older than you were, but by the way he was clumsily sitting in the chair, you saw that he was a lot taller than you. His dark-skinned body was clothed by a dark green suit with flashy, golden buttons, lined with a silky lime-green fabric. Below his dark eyebrows two eyes glittered merrily and his smile got a little more confident as you sat down at the table. 

‘What’s going on?’ you asked your father. 

‘This is Thomas,’ your father answered, nodding towards the strange boy. ‘His friends ditched him and he needed a place to stay for a few days. With the situation around Klara, I figured a little help at the farm wouldn’t hurt.’ 

You stared at your father for a moment and then turned to Thomas. ‘Are you from the city?’ 

The boy nodded. ‘Yes, I go to the university in Ketterdam.’ 

‘What happened?’ 

‘We had a few days off and decided to go on a trip here. But when I woke up this morning my friends had left. I have no transport home and after searching for a place to stay all day, I got here.’ 

‘Nice friends you have,’ you mumbled and something in the boy’s face turned bitter. 

‘Don’t get me started,’ Thomas said and then he smiled at you. 

-=-=-=-=-

Jesper was woken early by a heavy, pounding headache. The sky outside was pink from the sunrise and with the figures of the trees and houses it looked like a painting to Jesper—one that was far more beautiful than the one he stole from Rover. 

As he rolled over in his bed and reached for his temples, it didn’t take long for Jesper to realise that it wasn’t his head that was pounding—there was someone at the door of the room. Groaning Jesper sat up in his bed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes with the sleeve of the shirt that he had borrowed to sleep in. 

‘Coming, coming,’ Jesper groaned when the knocking kept going. 

He opened the door and was met with your eager face, painted with a big smile. You chuckled at Jesper and shook your head. ‘Come on, Thomas! Work doesn’t wait!’ 

Just for a split second Jesper was confused as to why you called him Thomas, but then he realised that the whole show he was putting up here was nothing more than that; a show. You didn’t know who he really was and, if he was honest, Jesper did feel a little guilty about it. You were so kind to him and he hadn’t even given you his real name. 

This was not the time for morale questions, however, and Jesper shook the guilt off him. ‘Right,’ he said slowly and then glanced into his room, finding the bag he had dumped on the floor. He had not brought anything other than his guns, the clothes he had been wearing and a little money. ‘Do you perhaps have some clothes I can borrow?’ 

Half an hour later, Jesper was standing in the stables next to the house with a buttered slice of bread in his hand. He was wearing a linen blouse and trousers of rough material that you had given him. He felt naked without his guns resting on his hips, but taking them with him had been out of the question. Now he felt like the Jesper he had been before he had gone to Ketterdam—poor, weak and unskilled. 

You came back with a large sack in your arms, that you dumped into Jesper’s arms. He stumbled under the sudden weight, but managed to keep his balance. 

‘My dad’s out on the fields today, so we have to take care of the stables,’ you said. ‘If you feed the chickens, I’ll do the goats and then we’ll get together again, okay? Don’t forget the eggs!’ 

You turned around and walked off and Jesper was left baffled. Unsure, he turned and walked to the chicken coop, finding a bunch of chickens there. A fat, white one looked up when Jesper stood over the coop and cooed softly. The chicken kept staring at him as he walked around the fence and Jesper slowly began to freak a little. 

He put his hand in the bag with food and grabbed a handful of seeds that he threw as far away from him in the chicken coop as possible. All the chickens rushed to the food—including the fat, white one—and Jesper quickly stepped over the fence and lowered to his knees so he could reach into the henhouse. He was met with the angry eyes of another chicken that was still sitting inside the house. She pecked at Jesper’s hand while he tried to find the eggs that you wanted. 

When he finally pulled back, he had found six eggs. His hand was throbbing and even bleeding at some places. As fast as he could he walked away from the chicken coop back to the stables, where he dropped the sack with food on the ground and sat down next to it, examining his hand. 

After a few minutes you came back from the goats and the smile on your face changed to worry when you saw Jesper sitting defeated on the ground. 

‘Are you alright?’ you asked. 

Jesper quickly jumped up and nodded, hiding his hand behind his back. He forced a smile on his face and tried to look excited at you. ‘I’m perfectly fine.’ 

You squeezed your eyes at him but dropped the subject. ‘Okay, if you say so,’ you mumbled and then nodded your head to the back of the stables. ‘We have to check on Klara again before we go on.’ 

‘Klara?’ Jesper asked. 

You walked off to the back and Jesper followed you, ending up at a dark stable where a big cow was lying on the ground, breathing deeply. She had her eyes closed and Jesper thought she was asleep, but when you stepped into the space, the cow opened her eyes and looked up at you. 

‘This is Klara,’ you unnecessarily explained. ‘She is our oldest cow, but it’s not looking so good for her now.’ 

You lowered to your knees and rested your hand on top of Klara’s head. The cow closed her eyes at the feeling and let out a deep breath. You closed your eyes momentarily and as a troubled shadow crossed your face Jesper realised that Klara wasn’t just another animal at the farm to you. 

‘Will she be alright again?’ Jesper asked, standing awkwardly at the entrance of the stable. 

‘I really don’t know,’ you sighed and you looked up at Jesper with sad eyes. ‘She’s not worse than yesterday, but also not any better.’ 

‘I’m sorry,’ Jesper said and he tried to give you a reassuring smile. 

You got up from the ground and gave Jesper a little smile back. ‘Thank you.’ 

-=-=-=-=-

Later that afternoon Jesper was sitting with you in the shadows of the house, looking out over the fields that surrounded the farm. Somewhere far in the distance he could see the figure of your father, as a little black silhouette against the bright light of the sun. 

Jesper was exhausted. Although he considered himself in good shape, the work on the farm was completely different from what he usually did in Ketterdam. Normally he would crouch, run and hide, but today he had had to use brute force and the running had only applied when one of the goats had gone after him. 

‘And,’ you said as you handed Jesper a glass of water, ‘how do you like it here?’ 

‘I’m so tired,’ he whined dramatically and you laughed, throwing your head back. ‘But it looks beautiful here. I like it—reminds me of home.’ 

‘Where’s home?’ 

Jesper hesitated for a moment, considering where his actual home was. 

‘I grew up in Novyi Zem, on a jurda farm,’ he told you, while staring out at the fields. ‘My dad still lives there, works on the farm now that I… am going to the university in Ketterdam…’ 

Carefully Jesper looked aside after his slip-up, but you hadn’t caught it. With your legs tucked to your chest and your arms wrapped around them, you were sitting in the chair, taking in the sunlight with your eyes closed. There was a soft golden glow on your face from the sun and the point of your nose glistened. 

‘...I guess that’s my home now,’ Jesper continued. ‘Ketterdam.’ 

‘Hmm,’ you hummed softly before you opened your eyes and looked at Jesper. ‘What’s it like? To live there?’ 

‘You’ve never been to Ketterdam?’ 

‘I have, but never for a long time,’ you said, giving Jesper an innocent smile. 

‘It’s… busy, noisy, crowded. There’s people everywhere, at all times of the day. When it’s hot the canals stink and when it rains the entire city turns grey. The rich people are mean and the poor are gross. It’s never safe and there’s a lot of crime.’ Jesper stopped talking to take a breath and noticed you were watching him with a raised eyebrow. Then he smirked. ‘It’s amazing.’ 

You leaned back in your chair and huffed. ‘I think I prefer the silence of the country.’ 

‘I get that. On my first day in Ketterdam I wondered how I could ever live there. I was sick with longing for home and the farm.’ 

‘What happened?’ 

Jesper grimaced. ‘I got a taste of real life.’ 

You waited for Jesper to continue, but he said nothing. He couldn’t really, not if he wanted to obey Kaz’s orders. Again he felt bad for you, for lying to you. You were so kind to him and all he did was lie about who he was; you didn’t even know his real name. 

-=-=-=-=-

You stepped out of your room while the sun wasn’t even up yet. The house was silent and dark, but you could easily find your way to the room you were headed for. This was the house you grew up in and you knew every secret hidden in every dark corner. 

‘Time to wake up!’ you said through the door and you knocked shortly. 

Yesterday, Thomas hadn’t been of great use with your animals, but you hoped that today he would. He had told you that he had grown up on a jurda farm so you figured fieldwork wouldn’t be as hard on him as the goats. 

There was a grunt from inside the room and you had to stifle a laugh. Once again you knocked—a little harder this time—and the grunt from inside came back louder. Yet there was little movement in the room and you rolled your eyes and grumbled something about lazy rich boys from stupid universities, before you threw the door open. 

‘What—hey!’ Thomas cried out. ‘I said I was coming!’ 

‘Sounded a lot more like you’d just roll over again,’ you said, leaning against the doorpost with your arms crossed. 

Thomas murmured something incomprehensible and he threw the blankets off of him. ‘If you wanted to see me naked, you could’ve just asked, you know?’ he smirked as he swung his legs off the bed and stretched his arms over his head. 

‘Hmm, if only I wanted,’ you shot back, but you couldn’t keep your eyes from gazing at his chest anyway. It was dark, but your eyes had gotten used to the darkness enough to be able to see the lines and shapes of Thomas’ bare body. There was no denying his fitness, but what caught your attention more were the scars littered over his torso. From small, almost innocent lines to light-coloured circles and dents. For the simple student he claimed to be, he had an awfully damaged body. 

You averted your eyes from his chest and shook your head. How this boy’s body looked was none of your business, so there was no point of dwelling on it. Yet, as you turned around to leave the room, you found yourself fighting the urge to get closer and feel his body under your hands. 

‘You like waffles?’ you asked over your shoulder, seeing a big smile break on the half-naked boy’s face. 

-=-=-=-=-

Your father had worked on the fields yesterday, and most work had been done already. All there was left for you and Thomas to do was harvest the potatoes on the last piece of land and then sort them with the rest. It was heavy, dull work and you were glad there was someone to help you. 

Thomas and you were bent over the crops, working opposite of each other on a row of potatoes. The sun was shining on your back fiercely and you felt it burning on your neck. It was long too late to prevent the sweat from breaking out and you felt hot and sticky. 

Opposite of you, Thomas wasn’t doing much better. Little droplets of sweat were rolling down his temples and the shirt he was wearing was soaked with his sweat. Yet there seemed to be some sort of glow around him, like he was energetic still—even after the hours of labour. 

It was late in the afternoon when you pulled out the last of the potatoes. You and Thomas dropped down on the grass on the edge of the field, both sighing with relief that the hard work was over. 

‘Only sorting left,’ Thomas said, wiping the sweat from his forehead. ‘How long will that take?’ 

You squeezed your eyes against the afternoon sun as you looked at the boy next to you and shrugged. ‘About two hours, I guess.’ 

‘Two hours in this heat is an eternity,’ Thomas stated. 

‘We could do it tonight,’ you suggested. ‘After dinner, when it has cooled a bit.’ 

‘And what do we do until then?’ 

You shot Thomas a cheeky smile and got up from the ground. ‘I have an idea.’ 

You led Thomas through the sunny fields and over the meadows around the farm, ignoring the sunshine in your face. Eventually you slowed at large bushes and a few trees and you smiled at the boy before you pushed aside some branches and stepped out into an open spot with a small lake. 

Thomas burst out in laughter and turned to you with a big smile on his face. 

‘Last one in the water has to get the other drinks!’ he shouted as he threw off his shirt. 

You followed after him, stepping out of your shoes and trousers. As you ran towards the water you took off your shirt, throwing it somewhere behind you on the grass. You pushed off on the side and wrapped your arms around your legs as you jumped into the water next to Thomas with a cheer. 

The cold water engulfed your entire body and you happily welcomed it after the whole day of sun. Gasping for air when your head reached above the water again, you turned to Thomas. 

‘You were last!’ he exclaimed. 

‘Only because you were already in the water when you said it!’ you defended yourself and splashed water towards Thomas. 

‘Still counts!’ 

He pushed water back and you closed your eyes against the waves. Water dripped down your hair and face, getting stuck in your eyelashes. You blinked the drops away and swam a little closer to Thomas. 

Planning to create a huge wave, you lowered your hands in the water, when you felt something slimy slither past your foot. You squealed and leaped into Thomas’ arms, almost drowning him with the sudden weight. Terrified you scanned the water around you, looking for the thing you had felt. 

‘What’s wrong?’ Thomas asked, trying to keep you in his arms while staying above the water. 

‘I felt something!’ you squeaked, still looking around you. 

‘Don’t tell me you’re afraid of fish,’ Thomas laughed. 

‘I am not! I just freaked because I—’ you started but stopped when you quit looking and found yourself very close to Thomas. 

That same deep urge as this morning crawled inside your mind before you could stop it. Despite yourself you admired the simple beauty of the face so close to yours. This boy had something enchanting, and it was more than just his jokes and smirks. Something about him made you want to cling onto him and not let go. 

You did let go, however, and quickly swam back to the side in silence. Thomas followed you and climbed on the grass, offering you a hand so you could get out of the water yourself. 

As you got dressed—with some difficulty because you were both still wet—far in the distance you heard the sound of a bell, telling you that dinner was ready. 

‘Finally,’ Thomas said, as he pulled his shirt over his head. ‘I was beginning to worry we wouldn’t eat at all.’ 

-=-=-=-=-

Jesper was sitting alone at the back of the house with two large baskets of potatoes in front of him. Luckily it had cooled down and it was now pleasant to sit outside. 

You stepped out of the house with a tray in your arms. Two glasses of lemonade and a plate of biscuits stood on the tray that you put down on the ground between Jesper and you, before you sat down yourself. 

‘How generous of you,’ Jesper started, as he took the glass. ‘Almost like you didn’t lose the race.’ 

You shook your eyes as you took a biscuit, which you used to point at Jesper. ‘That race wasn’t fair, and you know it.’ 

‘Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.’ 

You rolled your eyes but there was a smile on your face nevertheless. Then you nodded towards the baskets. 

‘Two piles,’ you said. ‘One with small potatoes and one with normal and large.’ 

You took out a few potatoes and showed Jesper how to determine the size. He got on quickly and you were already starting on the second basket when your father called you away. 

Jesper continued on his own while admiring the sunset he always missed in Ketterdam. He loved living in the city and wouldn’t want it any other way, but in moments like these he did miss his old home. He missed the simplicity of life back then, of knowing exactly what was going to happen in your day. Living in the city, living with the Dregs, had taken that certainty from Jesper. 

The sun had almost completely set when you came back and the last rays of sunshine reflected in the tears on your face. You sat down with a sigh next to Jesper and before he could ask you what was wrong, you burst into sobs. 

Before thinking, Jesper dropped the potato in his hand and crawled to you. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to his chest. He didn’t know where the action came from or why he did it, but seeing you so heartbroken hurt Jesper’s own heart. 

You buried your face in Jesper’s neck and he wrapped his arms a little tighter around you. He could feel your quivering breaths on his skin and your tears soaked his shirt but he didn’t care. 

‘It’s okay,’ he whispered and pressed a kiss on the top of your head without a second thought. ‘Let it out. It’s alright.’ 

After a while your tears stopped and your quivering breath changed for hiccoughs. You lifted your head from Jesper’s shoulder and looked at him with an apologetic look, that he discarded immediately. 

‘Don’t even dare to apologise,’ he said and you laughed softly. Jesper wiped the tears from your face and cradled your head in his hands. ‘What’s wrong?’ 

‘It’s Klara,’ you said as Jesper dropped his hands from your face to your hands. ‘My dad went looking at her and she’s doing even worse than before. I know she’s just a cow and everything, but she’s the strongest connection I have to my mother and I just…’ 

You looked up at Jesper and smiled sadly. ‘I don’t know, it probably sounds weird.’ 

Jesper shook his head and gave your hand a little squeeze. 

‘It doesn’t sound weird,’ he said, thinking of how he had clung to the littlest thing of his mother after she had passed. 

You sniffed and smiled at Jesper. ‘Thanks.’ 

‘Of course,’ he said, as he sat back next to you, taking a new potato in his hand. 

You followed his example and for a while you worked in silence, until Jesper took the last potato from the basket and threw it on the pile left of him. He turned to you and found you staring at the dark sky. 

‘What was your mother like?’ he asked finally, giving in to his curiosity. 

‘She was perfect,’ you said and you smiled faintly ahead of you. ‘She was caring, kind and smart. She kept things going around here. There is not much to do, but she always made sure I was never bored.’ 

You laughed shortly and turned to Jesper. ‘Perhaps I’m a little biased; she was my mother after all.’ 

‘Maybe,’ Jesper said and he gave you a smile. ‘But you’re allowed. Who better than kids to judge a parent?’ 

‘She was beautiful too,’ you added. ‘Did you see the paintings? My dad used to paint a lot, but since my mother passed away he hasn’t picked up a brush. It’s a shame, I think he’s really talented.’ 

Jesper nodded. He had wondered why the paintings had only been of the woman young, but she hadn’t aged anymore after that. 

Now that the sun had set, the warm air slowly turned cold. Jesper fought the urge to wrap his arms around his own body. He looked at you and noticed the goose bumps on your arms too. He got up and offered you his hand. 

‘Come on, let’s go inside,’ he said. ‘It’s freezing out here.’ 

You took Jesper’s hand and followed him to the backdoor of the house. When you walked past the path that led to the stables, you slowed and pulled lightly on Jesper’s hand. 

‘Can we…?’ you asked and before you had finished your sentence Jesper nodded. 

‘Of course.’ 

The stables were warmer than outside and though Jesper still hadn’t gotten used to the smell he much rather be there than outside. He much rather be there with you than alone in his bed. 

Klara lay in the back and you let go of Jesper’s hand to rush over to her. You dropped to your knees next to the cow and wrapped your arms around her. Big tears rolled down your cheeks and the soft sound of your crying filled the barn. 

Jesper sat down in a pile of dried hay and stared at his hands as he listened. After a while your crying stopped and only the heavy breaths of Klara could be heard. Feet shuffled and when Jesper looked up you weren’t sitting next to the sick animal anymore but next to him. 

Your cheeks were still wet from the tears, but you managed to give Jesper a little smile. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to him. Slowly he leaned back in the hay until his back found support and he was almost lying down. 

Without needing more words, you pulled your legs on the hay and settled against Jesper’s body. With one hand to your own chest and the other rising and falling with the motion of Jepser’s chest, you quickly fell asleep. 

Jesper glanced down at you and almost got unwell by the sense of comfort that washed over him. The longer he looked at you the more that little bubble of guilt in his stomach grew, but before he could do anything about it the hard work of the day took its toll on him and he dozed off. 

-=-=-=-=-

You woke up in a pile of hay by something that was nudging your leg. Slowly and grumbling against the bright morning light you opened your eyes to find a cow standing in front of you. 

‘Klara!’ you cried out and the happiness that filled you at seeing she had recovered during the night drowned out all the sleep left in your system. 

You jumped up and stumbled to the cow, throwing your arms around her neck. A few tears of happiness escaped your eyes and they dropped down on Klara. After last night you really didn’t think she would recover anymore, let alone be standing on her own feet. 

As you hugged Klara, you suddenly remembered that you hadn’t been alone last night. You let go of the cow and returned to the hay you had woken up in. Instead of the boy you had fallen asleep against last night now lay a little note. 

Good morning sleepyhead,

My friends finally picked me up early this morning and you looked too peaceful to be disturbed. I want to thank you and your father for letting me stay at your humble farm. It did me good to be out of the city for a while. I want to thank you as well for your company and honesty. I really hope Klara gets better—she seems quite cool.

I know you don’t like the city, but if you ever accidentally find yourself there and you miss my sparkling presence, go to The Crow Club and ask the bartender for Jesper Fahey. They’ll know who to find.

Take care, 

Thomas

- - - - - - - - 

taglist: @is-it-really-a-secret @mrs-brekker15​

MASTERLIST

[connieshands]

Maybe I could also use that for a bit of an introduction, even though no one asked lol. While I am writing this I am realizing this is turning into an absolute novel, so if you just want the TLDR here it is:

- Anni, German illustrator

- also born in 93 like Connie, but 100 yrs after him

- heard of him in a Kaz Rowe video (huge channel recommendation)

- really only got into him after seeing "Caligari" in a movie theatre by accident

- first because of his looks, then because of his life story and personality - him being so vocal against the Nazis and having such progressive views for his time

- other interests include history in general, Jane Austen, Thomas Mann, illustration and art, knitting, crocheting, sewing and listening to YouTube in the background, being in nature - I think I'm just a cottage core girlie at heart

My name is Anni and I am an illustrator from Germany. I am a bit of a history nerd. I love to escape into different times. Anything to get away from the capitalist hellscape we are currently trapped in.

I am especially interested in ordinary people and lives. Just the different historical ways of living in general. I love to relate to people who came before us and I am always baffled by how similar we are to them, despite what people in the modern times like to say. No, they were not savages or more stupid, they were like you and me. That's where the beauty of history lies for me. That’s why I only got into history a few years ago, because the way of conveying history in schools is so removed from anything human (and also very male centric, but that’s a different problem all together), so I just couldn’t relate.

That ramble aside - I am also queer and so one of my favorite channels on YouTube is Caz Rowe. They make incredibly well researched and presented videos about queer history and history in general. They also made an amazing video on the queer history of the Weimarer Republik and focused a portion of it on Connie. That's where I heard of him for the first time. I thought "Oh, he seems super cool. Maybe I should watch this Caligari movie" and then promptly forgot and moved on.

Skip to a year later, this May, a good friend of mine who is an absolute film nerd hit me up and asked me to go to this cool live showing in a local community theatre. They were showing some old silent film, but the cool part was that they would have live music playing while showing it. I was totally in. I had always meant to try watching old films and what could be a better introduction to them than seeing them in a cinema with live music? My friend sadly fell ill, so I had to really beat myself up to overcome my social anxiety and go alone, but holy shit - I am SO GLAD I did! Turns out that random old movie was "The cabinet of Caligari". I only realized once I sat in the theatre that that was the film that I meant to watch one year ago and I was so excited and even more impressed!

I was impressed by the art, the sets, the music, the story, the performances and of course by this beautiful goth boy that was haunting the screen. Doesn't help that I have a thing for tall, very skinny and sickly looking guys with dark hair and pretty eyes (no seriously, my boyfriend has so many similarities to him, it's eerie). And yes, his acting was impressive, but I must admit that as a first time silent movie watcher it felt a bit goofy and ridiculous to me. So call me uncultured, call me shallow, but my interest in him really stemmed from pure physical attraction to him. Not Cesare by the way, but the photos I found of Connie right after getting out of the movie theatre.

What got me hooked on him though is how fascinating his life and he as a person was. In the days after the fateful visit to the movie theatre I re-watched Caz's video to refresh myself on what they mentioned about him and this really got me on the path to researching him and his life. Every new fact I learned was as insane/ interesting or impressive as the last. Do you know what is even more attractive than being tall and beautiful and haunting? Being a badass who openly opposes the Nazis, who has insanely progressive views on social issues. Being a person who is universally commended by colleagues and friends for being kind and humble. Being the sort of person who spends their fortune to help the fight against evil and to buy poor children Christmas presents during the war.

Living in Germany, we all are heavily educated on this dark chapter of our history. To the point that we don't really learn much else about our history (also thanks to what those monsters purged from our culture and artifacts). We learn of the atrocities committed, of the horror people lived in, of peoples feelings, of the propaganda. We often hear the phrase "You can't judge the common people for what happened. You don't know what you would have done under the Nazi's threat". And I agree. Most normal people would not have the courage to do anything. To oppose this evil openly. I would never judge anyone for rather saving their own lives and that of their families, but this is why all of those who did stand up against them despite that are heroes to me.

Connie is one of them. You can argue that Connie was not an ordinary man by then. He had the privilege of being an international celebrity. This is absolutely a thing to consider. However despite this he was captured and held by the Nazis and still did not give in or concede anything to them. He did not know if his life might not have been in peril, but still he stood by his moral convictions.

This I am in awe of. This is a deeply feeling and empathetic human being. Nothing would have stood in the way of him being just another uncontroversial German film star of the time, just shutting up and not being antagonistic and just being famous and rich in the environment of Nazi Germany. He certainly wasn't in the oppressed class. Maybe because of his bisexuality but I am sure they would have gladly overlooked his past (if they even knew of that) if he had been willing to make some propaganda films for them. He didn't. Standing up for the right thing was more important to him. Could he have done even more? Sure, there is always more you can do. But he did what his career allowed him to do. Convey the evil that was happening in his home country to the best of his ability through film and then spending the fortunes he made from them on the war effort.

I think this alone makes him worth of all the admiration he got and worth keeping his story alive in remembrance. Especially now, when the evils he and so many others fought against grow once again. I think that is another reason why he and his life story stick with me so much. History seems doomed to repeat itself sooner or later. People like him give me hope and the courage to hopefully stand up for what is right when the time comes. I know what I do here are mostly thirst posts and hey, that's still a big component, but I wouldn't be half as into him if he was not such a profoundly good human being.

Him not living to see the defeat of Nazi Germany is such a devastating thought to me. I could honestly cry every time I think about that. People nowadays being ignorant, being dismissive, being bigoted makes me furious, even more so now, when I once again revisit learning about that time thanks to him. I think now more than ever before would be an amazing time to introduce people to his story (and of course many others, but this is still a Connie thirst blog so I am focusing in him) and I am so thankful to people like Caz and all the other people who work to preserve his memory.

There are so many other things I adore about him, like his whole wild queer and occult side and so on, but I think I need to quit typing for now. Wow, this got way longer than intended. I don't know if anyone will ever read this far, but if you do - hi, let's be friends! Also thank you for reading. I will refrain from writing equally as long answers to the other questions in my original post, but I wrote some quick ones at the top of this post in the TLDR. If you like to know/ talk about anything else I am always down, just hit me up. I always crave a connection with people who share my niche interests, so please feel free to write equally long replies to my questions - I will read all of them.

I'd really like to know more about my fellow Connie fans. What's your origin story? How did you get into silent movies? What about Connie captured your attention? What about him kept your attention on him? What's your favourite thing/fact about him? What are other interests of yours that are completely unrelated? How are you, just in general?

[riverxkeichains]

It's Been Months, Time to get the Band back together!

TW: This is Way long then the previous post(And you all thought that was long...Wait until you all see this)

It's Been Months since I lasted posted on my Tumblr Account since November of Last Years.

I know the last time I posted was on May of this year?

However I decided to Delete the posted rn as it wasn't really that important and it's just away to give an excuse to make everyone still think I'm active and it was just too short for my taste to posted(Unless otherwise).

Ever since I posted my Mavis × Rosie Art and it has been a single year, I now have 63 likes on the post itself. But because it has been years since I posted anything Art Related? I think It's now a very good time for me to started making a new art pieces. I have been gone for a while now, To be Fair 2021 was pretty busy year for me and I really do feel bad for not announcing my hiatus on Here and Instagram and that's why I'm here to apologize to everybody for having been active in here for a while now because I was focusing on other things.

But thankfully since I now have time focus on here(Including Instagram and Pixiv, Following at HighTideKeiblade(Insta) and River Kaz(user_rugt8577) I don't feel like going through another Hiatus again unless It's Important Event, For me at least. I'm going to started posting new text and art posted in here, In Fact? I have saved a few of them while I was in a Hiatus ^_^.

Since It's June, It's not just going to be just a drawings or text but it's also some stuff to celebrate this Pride Month as well(For those who aren't aware? I'm Gender-Neutral(NB) and Bisexual as you can see from my top info).

To order for me to post? I would like to show some of my art upcoming, Here's a few previews:

Ever Since I used the TTTE Characters with the @asktrio516 design? I feel like it's now time for me to Design making my own Interpretation of the TTTE Characters but as Humans. This isn't my first time doing this Concept before since I had done this on both my DeviantArt Accounts(My Normal and the Naughty Shitpost ones xp), I even have them saved in my binder and Ibis Paint. The Characters who are featured in this Unfinished doodle is James(One who wicks with Spiky Hair and freckles), River Keilyn. Harley(My Trainsona as a Human)Blushing Cool~ Spikes and wavy hair with freckles), Edward(Spike but Beautifully Straight hair while blushing when he saw James' Hotness), And Me one with the Mask Obviously lol. To those who might not get it at first, Until you realize what Train!River is wearing? Unlike most Human AUs I saw(Where it either takes place in the Modern Times or the 1960s) my TTTE Human AU takes place in the Late 1990s and Early 2000s (Specifically 1997 to 2003).

Based on Thomas' 90s Popularity in the U.S. and the Middle of the Classic Era At the time. Not only that? But also in my TTTE Human AU, My own interpretation of the characters are based on Eurobeats, 90s Fashion and Culture, and Lastly their Design-Wise are mostly based on the Japanese Dub rather then the usually US or UK counterparts(What Can I say? As much as I respect both English dubs(I prefer the US but the UK is cool too) However I love and Definitely prefer the Japanese dub more, Don't judge me xP). Despite being lighthearted? My TTTE Human AU can have its fair-shared of dark and serious moments, As well as Consistency, and it isn't sugar coated or look down upon. There's more such as Character's Backstory and how would it play-out. There's more I want to say but for now that's all I have to give out my Inspiration for my TTTE Human AU ^^.

Here's a Bouns one for my TTTE Human AU, Unfinished doodle of James ;).

Aside from me doing TTTE? I'm doing going to be working on other media as well, A good example is the Mixels as I've been a fan of this Lego series since 2015(1 year after the series aired and before it ended because this series was shortlived).

Sure it may not be a good series but I'm a sucker for Legos and love this simple concept of combining or do a fusion of anything. In these 3 photos, I'm drawing one of my Friend's(@chloetolunar) OC, Katelyn and It's a late Birthday countdown. Late because I was focusing on finals but...Hey! I am trying my best to finishing it. During the series lifespan I was making a lot of Mixels OCs, I used to have 3 tribes but now I have 5 of them, As the 2 tribes(Chinese/Arabian Theme and a Cloudy Sky Rainbow Theme) I used to draw where getting a bit complicated but who knows I might bring them back.

For now? I'm just going to show my 3 new Mixels:

These are just concept art for now, But Thankfully they have a name! Hanamistu, Ursula, and Jenni ♡. Another reason why I'm doing this is that like my Thomas AU? I'm also doing a Mixels AU and It's called Mixels Chronicles, It's basically a "What if Situation~!" Basically What if Mixels was more like Bionicles and Ninjago but they fuse during battle. Had Mixels would become more popular if they went into that Direction? I'll let you to decide from that ;).

After writing all this down? I can call please say that that's all I have to say for this long ass post. In conclusion I'll definitely come back here, And I'll definitely be Active only on here, Instagram, and Pixiv(Sometimes DeviantArt). FYI, Reason I'm doing other things is because I will like to do other stuff Sometimes and I'm also doing this for fun as well. I like to do things on what I love so much, Please don't argue with me just because I don't do the stuff that you love sometimes~.

☆~°~°~°~°~°~°~☆

Thank you for Reading this and Have a great day, Goodbye~☆

Also!

DON'T POST ANYTHING ON RUDE ME, REPOST, RECOLOR, OR STEAL MY STUFF! Be Original and Do your Own stuff without Tracing others art M'kay~ ;).

[parrot-blues]

inazuma hc's (favourite charas as always)

**SPOILERS FOR LEAKS ON PLAYABLE SCARAMOUCHE**

raiden ei: she/they, agender, quoirom/greysexual

yae miko: she/her, trans, sapphic

kazuha: he/him, trans, aroace

kujou sara: she/her, trans, enby, birom/ace

thoma: he/him (doesn't mind they), oriented aroace

favourite ships: eimiko, ittosara

romantic relations hc's

eimiko: miko is really hurt and still doesn't fully trust ei bc of the whole leaving for half a millenium thing; ei feels really guilty bc she was gone for half of miko's lifespan (kitsune typically stay on earth for 1k years, and she was gone for 500). they're working to rebuild their relationship w/each other, and also to fix the destruction the shogun caused for the country

eisara: they're not actually together (nor would they ever be) but kujou sara can't tell if what she feels for ei/shogun is romantic or not. obviously she would never confess (she'd perish on the spot if the archon ever found out), but she does wonder sometimes how it would feel to be closer to the person she admires so much. another reason kujou sara never pursued the relationship was because she is aware of the severe power imbalance between them (and also knows ei's heart belongs with miko). she knows her feelings are unrequited, but it doesn't hurt as much as she thought it would because she is happy just being able to talk to ei as both an advisor and a casual friend. ei is endeared by kujou sara's loyalty to her, and wonders why miko keeps teasing the poor girl about her "obvious crush" on ei (she's dense as hell). ei regrets the fact that kujou sara was loyal to what is essentially a robot, and is determined to be a better ruler to show her (and miko) that she can change for the better.

qpr relations hc's

ittosara: I think we all know the classic trope here, but here's a little twist: kujou sara came to terms with her feelings first and confessed. itto helps kujou sara from underground by getting on the inside of legitimately dangerous organisations in inazuma. kujou sara would never show it, but she's always worried (and grateful) for his help

ittorou: itto found gorou's tenacity (and stature) very cute, and when they became friends thanks to the resistance itto's feelings became more intense. gorou always looked up to itto's confidence and charisma, and he also found him very charming and easy to be around. itto and gorou actually became partners before itto and kujou sara did; they all sat down and discussed their qpr polycule after itto told gorou he liked kujou sara. when kujou sara confessed to itto, he and gorou had already agreed on the terms of their polycule, so itto told kujou sara to come with him. then, they all managed to come to an agreement. itto also helps gorou gather intel; gorou and kujou sara both worry for him together (they make sure to bring him plenty of good snacks when he returns).

friendships hc's

tomo and kazuha: very close friends; kazuha looked up to tomo like a role model. tomo was very endeared by kaz's loyalty and devotion to him, and right before he died he silently apologised to kazuha for being "so reckless and foolish" and leaving him behind. kazuha blamed himself for his death for a very long time, until barbatos couldn't take it anymore ("the wind knows me") and sent a breeze to inform kazuha of tomo's last regret. obviously this didn't fix everything right away, but knowing that tomo didn'f blame him relieved a lot of guilt from kazuha

kujou sara and gorou: mainly became friends bc they're both partners w/itto; at first they were very mistrustful of each other, but itto helped both realise that they could trust each other

shinobu and itto: besties. almost as close as siblings; itto remarks that he sees shinobu like the responsible sibling-type friend. shinobu sees itto as a chaotic sibling figure, but relies on him for support as she needs (they trust each other a lot). despite their frequent jabs at each other, they respect each other a lot. shinobu is the one who makes sure itto doesn't get himself killed on espionage missions (though she'd never tell his partners, for everyone's sake)

rivalries hc's

kazuha and scaramouche: their idealogies clash. hard. scaramouche is the only person who genuinely annoys and angers kazuha thanks to his sheer lack of regard for human life. scaramouche actually respects kazuha's fortitude as a wanderer, and (very, *very* deep down) secretly looks up to him in that regard. kazuha feels nothing but contempt for "that man"

heizou and kazuha: heizou hates that he can never seem to one-up kazuha, but at the same time he loves the challenge. kazuha is just praying that heizou never catches up to him. if they ever became friends, it's not apparent to the outside observer; they're a bit like genshin version of tom and jerry, always playing cat and mouse

scaramouche and xiao: xiao doesn't understand why venti gave scaramouche a vision. he hates scaramouche for not only hurting aether, but also collaborating with the organisation that stole venti's gnosis. "nothing about that man can be trusted," as xiao puts it. scaramouche doesn't know xiao exists (yet)

scaramouche and aether: aether resents scaramouche for being part of the fatui (not only bc they took venti's gnosis, but just in general for all their crimes). he disagrees w/venti's decision to give him a gnosis, but venti says he has a bit of a "plan" with regards to that... scaramouche thinks aether is pathetic

[parkhuh]

2021 Top Ten Reads

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

This was pretty difficult and I cheated a bit including series and not all singular books, but here is my narrowed down Top Ten Reads of 2021.

Disclaimer: I suck at reviews and have shit memory so

People We Meet on Vacation - Emily Henry

Number one, hands down. This book made me feel so many things. It can start off a bit slow, but at the end I loved the inclusion of each flashback, each important moment in Alex and Poppy’s relationship. Also can I fu- marry Alex Nilsen? It was a perfect mix of friends to strangers to lovers and opposites attract, and the angst hurt so good right up until the end. I could not get this book out of my head for weeks afterwards.

Scene thought about most after reading: When Poppy is sick and Alex skips the trip to come and take care of her and there’s that steamy moment in bed. Imagine Heat Waves by Glass Animals playing during that scene?? Yes.

From Blood and Ash (series) - Jennifer L. Armentrout

Look. I am... so into these books. The first one is the best in my opinion. The DRAMATICS. I loved the whole premise of the maiden and the whipped “bad boy” trope. I know this last book gets a little...much and I will admit I am kind of confused at this point but I figure, it’s a middle book. The middle of the series is always least favorite, and I love Poppy so much. Favorite character of the year by far. (also I like the smut but that’s beside the point)

Scene thought about most after reading: When the truth comes out/the betrayal reveal. I could FEEL Poppy’s pain in my chest, right in my heart.

Six of Crows (duology) - Leigh Bardugo

I first watched the Shadow and Bone Netflix show when I knew basically zilch about the Grishaverse and found myself so much more interested in the Crows than any other storyline lol so I went and read the books and W O W do I understand the duology’s high ratings on Goodreads.

I love every character so much and just every detail of their character and the reveal of their background. Kaz Brekker’s.... hurt my heart. I was just so blown away by 

Scene thought about most after reading: Kaz’s background reveal. I’m still picking up the pieces of my heart.

The Cruel Prince (series) - Holly Black

Wow what to even say about this series. Jude is amazing. Cardan is a little shit but amazing. Very political with a dash of romance but I loved it. Jude is a bad bitch. Just go read it.

Scene thought about most after reading: The plot twist at the end of the first book. I was already hooked but that had me HOOKED. Also, I don’t think this is in the books, but the “just come home.” letter Cardan sends to Jude that she doesn’t receive. Ugh. Chefs kiss.

Cemetery Boys - Aiden Thomas

Yadriel and Julian just... gave me so many warm feelings. The imagery was amazing, the characterization was amazing, the entire journey it takes the reader on was amazing. Thee entire time I was wondering “....okay but does it have a happy ending and how??” and WOW WAS I SURPRISED AND OVERJOYED. 

Scene thought about most after reading: When Julian crosses out Yadriel’s deadname in his yearbook and puts his real name MY HEART

The Bridge Kingdom (duology) - Danielle L. Jensen

UGH the drama and the angst and the way it takes SO LONG FOR THEM TO FINALLY GET BACK TOGETHER. I loved every bit of it. The series is literally a rollercoaster ride and just oof. Another one - just go read it.

Scene thought about most after reading: Literally the ending when Lara saves the day and then Aren saves her and they reunite and ugh 

Not My Problem - Ciara Smyth

My first favorite book of the year. I did not think it would be as deep as it was, but it definitely covered a lot of important topics regarding alcoholism, poverty, teenage relationship (both friendship and romantic). The main character, Aideen, is fucking hilarious but her struggle really hits as well, sometimes especially when she’s trying to be funny. 

Scene thought about most after reading: The ending when Aideen finally asks for help. I liked that we don’t see her actually receiving the help, because the point of her journey was to get to where she finally could admit she needed help and to actually ask for it.

These Violent Delights (duology) - Chloe Gong

I usually am not a big retelling fan, and I am definitely not much of a Romeo & Juliet fan but this was such a great retelling. I will be honest and say I liked TVD obviously, but OVE felt so much stronger and I read it to much easier. It felt more relationship driven than TVD and I was so enraptured in what was going to happen. I didn’t even think of not knowing for sure if it has the same ending as Romeo & Juliet, but I loved it so much.

Scene thought about most after reading: That final scene before the epilogue in Our Violent Ends. And then the epilogue. Pain. But hope? But pain. I didn’t even think of not knowing for sure if it has the same ending as Romeo & Juliet, but I loved it so much.

Daisy Jones & The Six - Taylor Jenkins Reid

The format of this book was my favorite part. It was a great way to write it, but still told the whole story (granted, from various POVs but still.) And it felt so real, like I think if someone had given this to me with no title or cover and I had no knowledge of music from that time I would have believed it was a real band and their story.

Scene thought about most after reading: The end reveal and Camila’s last thing to say. Ugh, my heart.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - Taylor Jenkins Reid

This book took me on a trip. I loved following along with Evelyn and learning the reason for each marriage because I doubted every single one was a natural love match. I already had been spoiled on the actual love plotline so that wasn’t a surprise, and despite everything, I was glad they had their happy ending (in a way.)

Scene thought about most after reading: Celia realizing Evelyn had slept with Mick Rivas as part of the marriage ruse felt like such an important point of their relationship to me and the ways in which it wasn’t working and what they would later need to work on. 

Honorary Mentions

Serpent and Dove (series) - I’m sad a lot of people seemed to give up on this trilogy because they didn’t like the second book, but I really enjoyed it. The third book was so great imo, 

Today, Tonight, Tomorrow - This book was just fun. It takes place in one day so it’s a quick read. The main character did annoy me sometimes, but I kind of felt that’s the point and really drove her self realization home in the end. 

A Court of Thorns and Roses (series) - The first book in this series is what really drew me back into reading. It was so fantastical and so much was happening and I was just so pulled in, I can barely explain it. I know we hate tampon and my interest wained in the third book but I really hold the first book close because the things it did to my little reader heart.

My entire 2021 read list - with a ☆ to show all my favorites

[all-drarry-to-me]

Queer book recommendations 📚

Okay, so I received this super nice ask, kindly requesting another list of book recommendations, but when I finally got around to answering it, Tumblr (being the hellsite that it is) ate the ask. Emi, I hope you know how thrilled I was to see that in my inbox — not only have you read some of my favorite books based on my recommendation, but you liked them enough to ask for more! I’m happy to put together another list, and please feel free to message me at any time to talk about books!

Without further ado (and in no particular order), here’s part two of some of my favorite queer books:

1. All for the Game trilogy by Nora Sakavic: I could talk about this series for ages. Listen, I know it’s problematic: they’re not the most well-written books, the plot is insane and there’s a whole host of trigger warnings that go with the series. It focuses on college athletes, who come together through Exy, a made-up sport that the mafia is involved in. Somehow, despite all of that, I managed to fall in love with the series quite quickly. It’s like nothing I’ve ever read before, and the characters — even with their numerous flaws — really drew me in. The found family trope is so well executed (I couldn’t help but root for the Foxes throughout the series), then I absolutely love the way they handle consent. Of the core characters, there’s two who are gay and one who’s definitely on the ace spectrum, though it’s not outright stated in the book. And while I said they’re not the most well-written series, which I do stand by, there’s also a handful of BEAUTIFUL lines from the books.

2. “Running with Lions” by Julien Winters: This is the only other sports-themed book on the list, I promise! Some of my love for this book likely stems from my own years running around the soccer field — this takes place at a summer training camp, but that’s definitely not the only reason it’s on this list. I’m a big fan of enemies to lovers, and while this is more ex-friends to lovers, there’s definitely some animosity to be worked through when Emir unexpectedly shows up at the soccer camp. I love the way he and Sebastian bond, and the way their friendship evolves before becoming a more romantic relationship. There’s some standard coming-of-age vibes within the book, but the plot and the characters are interesting enough to help set it apart from others in the genre.

3. “Orlando: A Biography” by Virginia Woolf: This one is a little different than the others on the list, but I wouldn’t recommend it any less. I feel a little in love with Virginia Woolf over the past year and, of her books that I’ve read, this one really stands out. It’s from the 1920s and features a main character who lives for 300+ years — and who’s trans (Orlando is born male, then wakes up one day as female). With the way time works and the plot itself, it’s a bit strange, but I found it captivating, and the whole thing is a love letter to Vita Sackville-West, another writer with whom Woolf was in a relationship with. (Don’t get me started on their relationship — there’s a book of love letters between the two of them that’s achingly beautiful, but the book is hard to find.)

4. “Upside Down” by N. R. Walker: This is trope-y and wonderful and I would highly recommend. It has issues with pacing, but it made me genuinely happy as I was reading it. I finished it in a day, maybe two, because I couldn’t put it down — and I have two of the author’s other books in my Barnes & Noble cart as I’m typing this. In “Upside Down,” both of the main characters are ace; one is sure of his identity and the other is just starting to figure it out, and they work to navigate that together. It’s sweet and a quick read if you’re looking for something fairly fluffy.

5. Iron Breakers trilogy by Zaya Feli: If you take the plot from Captive Prince and mix it with the writing of All for the Game, that’s a close approximation of Iron Breakers. The main character is hard to like at times (he has a lot of growing up to do) and the plot isn’t groundbreaking — there’s a lot of similarities to Captive Prince — but there’s also a lot of positives the series has going for it. The world building is really interesting, the love interest is wonderful and the series has some compelling twists. The first book is free through Nook and I bought the second two immediately after finishing it, then could not put those down until I was done!

6. “Olivia” by Dorothy Strachey: There’s not enough wlw romance on here, which is one of the reasons I wanted to add “Olivia.” It’s another one that’s slightly different than the others on the list; it was originally published in the 1940s and is loosely based on the author’s own life, telling the story of a girl who goes to finishing school and falls in love with her teacher. It’s the story of first love, and forbidden love at that.

7. “Cemetery Boys” by Aiden Thomas: This book absolutely worth a read — Yadriel is trans, and is trying to prove to his family that he’s a “real” man by summoning a ghost to help solve his cousin’s murder. Instead, he summons Julien, then proceeds to fall for the ghost while trying to help Julien figure out how he died. Thomas creates such an interesting world within the book and the three main characters (Yadriel, Julien and Yadriel’s cousin/best friend Maritza) are so much fun together.

8. “Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda” by Becky Albertalli: Look, I think most people have heard of, if not read, this book but I’d be remiss if I didn’t include it on my list. It was actually recommended to me last time I made a queer rec list and it didn’t disappoint. In some ways, it’s a relatively standard coming out novel, but it has some really interesting differences. The way in which Simon is forced to come out makes the plot unique, and I love how supportive Simon’s family is — there are so many books where the character comes out and is subsequently kicked out, and it was nice to see a different take (I may have cried a little at that point, but that’s neither here nor there). If you haven’t read it, I’d definitely recommend.

9. Six of Crows duology by Leigh Bardugo: This is like, “Ocean’s Eleven,” but with teenagers. I liked the first book slightly better than the second, but they’re both great — they focus on a group of six planning an elaborate heist, with Kaz as the leader of their little gang. Each character is really well-developed, and both the plot and the world-building are first class. There’s a mlm romance on the side, so this one’s a bit more subtly queer than some of the other recs, but they’re still great books.

10. “The House in the Cerulean Sea” by T.J. Klune: This book is wonderful in so many ways. It’s focused on Linus Baker, who’s sent on a classified mission to a magical orphanage, where six “dangerous” children live with their caretaker, Arthur Parnassus. The characters — all of them, big and small — are compelling and interesting; they’re well-thought out and unique, which I think is a huge strength of Klune’s, visible in this book and the others I’ve read by him. Linus and Arthur are a bit older (in their 40s) and I love the way that contributes to their relationship and their character development, then the plot is somewhat simple, but the characters and the world are compelling enough that you don’t need any major twists or turns.

Next on my to-read list is “The Mercies” by Kiran Millwood Hargrave, which I’m absolutely psyched about, and I’m counting down the days until “One Last Stop” by Casey McQuiston is released.

(You asked if I've read anything by Seanan McGuire — I haven't; any recs for what to start with?)

Please let me know if you ever want more recs and I’ll be happy to throw some titles out there, and I'd love to know what you think if you end up reading any of these!

[anarmorofwords]

I posted 3,660 times in 2021

912 posts created (25%)

2748 posts reblogged (75%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.0 posts.

I added 3,394 tags in 2021

#the last hours - 752 posts

#tlh - 637 posts

#alastair carstairs - 470 posts

#thomas lightwood - 312 posts

#matthew fairchild - 274 posts

#chain of iron - 209 posts

#the shadowhunter chronicles - 201 posts

#shadowhunters - 200 posts

#thomastair - 189 posts

#chain of gold - 150 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and charming people ≠ making friends. on the contrary. in this case it's him giving those people a fake persona to like and hiding himself.

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Nikolai: *unleashes his demon*

Kaz:

376 notes • Posted 2021-05-02 11:24:55 GMT

#4

facts

390 notes • Posted 2021-03-19 23:53:11 GMT

#3

bitches really be like "oh my poor heart, all those feelings" while listening to dramatic love songs when they've never been in love, just because they got invested in some fictional couple...

it's me, I'm bitches

430 notes • Posted 2021-09-01 19:11:28 GMT

#2

you see the struggle

585 notes • Posted 2021-08-31 20:44:42 GMT

#1

losing an online friendship is so fucking weird, it's just that one time you suddenly go too long without talking, and then you don't know how to start again, and you start wondering whether they'd still want you to, whether you were actually friends or just projecting again, and you keep seeing their posts and stories, but suddenly feel like a stranger behind glass, and then you see a story about them being sad and your first thought is to ask "what happened, dear" but at this point you just... can't. it sucks. majorly

1136 notes • Posted 2021-05-20 21:31:32 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

i cannot fucking believe my most popular post is that, like c'mon that's pathetic

and honestly she doesn't deserve to be the cause for my top post, ffs

[hamilsanity]

So I've started watching Peaky Blinders and I couldn't help but notice the similarities (and diferencies) between Thomas Shelby and Kaz Brekker from Six of Crows. So here's a totally uncalled for essay comparing both of them: (a little trigger warning, I will talk about trauma and how that affected these characters' lives)

Part 1: the outside

I guess these are the first dots I connected. Physically, Kaz Brekker is a younger version of Thomas Shelby (at least for me). Except for the eyes (Tommy has blue eyes while Kaz's are dark) they're pretty similar. Also let's take in account the setting for both stories (England in the 20s). So the clothes are also the same! Having said that, let's cover more important things.

Part 2: interactions with other people and their position in life

They are both private people, they are both morally grey characters. They both share the same position: they are gang leaders (the Peaky Blinders for Tommy and the Dregs for Kaz). And, most important, they have reputations. It's the same for both of them. They like to be seen as dangerous and emotionless. They like to give the idea that they are not afraid of anyone. And that's also their shell, their protection against trauma and the world.

And they both have soft spots. For Tommy (first seasons at least) it's Grace and his family. For Kaz, it's Inej and some of the Crows. Those are also their weaknesses sometimes.

Part 3: trauma and living with themselves

Most importantly, these two characters suffer from deep trauma. I'm not gonna spoil Kaz's trauma (you'll have to read SOC for that!), but I will say that it's pretty severe. For Tommy, it is the war and the years he spent fighting in France. For both of them, it's their trauma (along with the reputation they have created in order to hide it) what makes them such dark characters. But what makes them different here is how they coexist with that trauma and how they decide to (and not to) share it and with whom. Tommy tends to share his trauma more often because everyone knows about it and he shared it (his years in war) with some of his friends and brothers. He tries to pretend he isn't affected by it, even though he is, but he doesn't hide his experiences from anyone, basically because he doesn't have that option (everyone knows).

For Kaz it's fairly different. He doesn't tell anyone. No one knows and no one has experienced something like that. He simply pretends not to have any kind of trauma at all. The only person he ends up telling it to is Inej.

They're both also freaking geniuses. They are really smart and really good actors. Although in my opinion, Kaz's is more of a genius than Thomas, thought I might be biased.

Part 4: what the story thinks of the characters

Kaz Brekker is a bad guy. He kills people and is full of hate. He is greedy and violent and the book doesn't try to tell us otherwise. The book says: hey, this is Kaz's trauma. This is why he is why he is. But the book doesn't try to make us feel pity for him (even tho we do anyway). It doesn't try to convince us that Kaz didn't have a choice but to become this dangerous gang leader. Because he did have a choice. The book shows us Inej, that has also suffered from severe trauma but is still a compassionate and overall good person. She had a choice and she decided to not let her past define her. Kaz chose violence and hate, and that's up to him. Yes, he is a victim, but everyone has a choice, and the representation of that is Inej.

On the other hand, the show Peaky Blinders seems (in my opinion) to be trying to make us feel bad for Tommy. He is often being victimized. A lot of characters talk about how before the war he was always smiling and happy. As I see it, the show sometimes tries to justify his actions by talking about how the war has affected him.

Maybe that's not a fair comparison to make, since Kaz Brekker is a 17-year-old child who didn't really have an opportunity to develop a personality outside of his trauma, while Tommy certainly did. I just wanted to point that out, maybe as a little critique to Peaky Blinders.

Part 5: the actual critique to Peaky Blinders.

Tommy Shelby is sexist. That's it. Let's put some examples. (Spoilers from the first season):

Remember that one time Tommy literally sold Grace to this other gang leader? So that guy could have two hours alone with her even though Grace didn't want that? Yeah... That gang guy was about to rape her, and then Tommy appeared and avoided it. While safe in the car with Tommy, Grace told him: you sold me... But you also saved me (while looking at him with dreamy eyes). I hated that scene so much!!! Why is he being treated as the hero?? He literally sold her!!! The fact that he ended up "saving" her doesn't redeem him in any way!

He also had some commentaries about women like: bussines is for men and stuff like that.

I get it: it is a show set in the 20s! Of course it is sexist. Yeah well whatever, I'm sick of that.

Six of Crows is in no way sexist, and has a very similar setting. Kaz Brekker is not sexist, even though he could've so easily been. But Bardugo said: hell to the no with sexism, and I love her for that.

In Thomas' case, I don't know if it's a matter of the show creators or the character himself, but I really would've preferred if he weren't sexist tbh.

Yeah well I think that's it for now, I'm freed now (actually I think I forgot to talk about some things, I'll probably get to that later today). If you have further commentaries on this, feel free to talk about it. Also if you disagree with me in any of the points, speak up! I'd love to hear what you guys think!

Also please read Six of Crows if you haven't yet. It is amazing. And also also, sorry if there are any mistakes with grammar and stuff. English isn't my first language!

[sunshineneedsaplacetokeephernsfw]

Here is part 1 of the very long story of how I learned about multiple things, including games like Boyfriend to Death and Degrees of Lewdity. Tracing it back as far as I'm willing to.

Kinda like my

Current interests origin story

I'll bold main points because I like to talk. This will be long, I like to ramble and say everything I was thinking

This first part will be covering how I learned about lady-bakuhoe (now @kingkatsuki) and @kazooli. I swear they're relevant in this. I just like to trace things back to as far as possible, so here we go!

- Origin story starts -

One day, before I had a tumblr account, but knew of its existence (which I knew was good for seeing fancontent), I decided to look up Deku headcanons. So at the time, I had just started watching My Hero Academia. I was on episode 1 or 2, but I instantly LOVED Deku. And I didn't feel like reading a whole x reader fic, I looked for headcanons. And one top result was headcanons for multiple characters that Jo wrote A LONG time ago.

There were two headcanon posts she made (probably) and I decided to check out her blog since the ones she wrote were good. But I DO know that I was like "Hmm, these headcanons are the best out of the top ones, and she wrote a few." So I started looking at more of lady-bakuhoe's posts. And then I realized she liked Bakugou a lot and she wrote smut a lot.

I honestly think that it's HILARIOUS that I learned about her blog because of Deku, considering the fact she doesn't like him too much (btw, if you're reading, Jo, I hope I'm not burning your eyes by mentioning him too much). If you look at her rules and read what she doesn't write, Deku is listed right there, next to incest and pedophilia (not literally, but they are on her list). (So I never asked or expected her to write for him and instead found people who did, unfortunately none of them right as well as Jo, but whatever.)

But despite me being more into Deku, I still really enjoyed reading what she'd post and reblog. I also got to taste some high quality smut, and now my standards are forever very high when it comes to written porn.

However, I didn't (and still don't) really thirst for anyone she frequently writes for. The two character I thirsted for the most (I'm not exactly sure now, I seem to have calmed down) were Deku and Shigaraki, both of which are on Jo's "3 BNHA characters I can't thirst for" list. And in general I was just more horny for the villains than the heroes, but Jo doesn't write very much at all for the villains and says she doesn't write them very well and from I read, I agreed. (Sorry!)

What I really wanted, was a blog with good writing skills that wrote for the villains. Which was exactly what I found! So, I forget which post of theirs it was. But I think the person titled their blog "anime hawks saved me" or something like that. I clicked on the blog, scrolled a little and eventually found a Shigaraki x reader x Dabi. It was called "Just for Tonight" and from the summary (? If it had one, I can't remember) and how well written the first few paragraphs I accidentally read were, I was intrigued. It just, somehow pulled me in, in a way no other fic has.

Now that I think about it, reading that fic was like shaking the bad guy's hand from the Princess and the Frog. You know, the one leading into "Friends on the Other Side" when he says, "Would you shake a poor sinner's hand?"

But anyway, I began to read that fic. I guess I felt guilty for reading a villain smut despite what I previously said (I have conflicting emotions, constantly), maybe also some sort of purity complex or whatever, so I was actually intending on just reading a little, and then I would stop reading it. Ha. Ha. HA. I should have known at that point that when I start reading smut I won't be able to stop until it's finished. I only succeeded once, that was Coercion by lady-bakuhoe, but then I couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the day and opened it again and finished it.

I finished reading "Just for Tonight" and it was REALLY good. So good that, in a few days, I went back and read it again. And that's the only time I've ever done that. Where I actually read a fic again because I had the impulse to because I loved it so much. So I read it again and thought "Man, this is good. I wanna see if the writer wrote anything else like this." And this is my plunge into the @kazooli blog.

(Also, I wanna quickly mention something off topic. Some of the things I mention may or may not be consistent with the timeline. Like, for example, I mentioned that I thirsted for Shigaraki, but Jo didn’t write for him. BUT at the time I read "Just for Tonight" I remembered I was more into Dabi (which was short lived) than Shigaraki, at first I considered Shigaraki just a bonus character in the fic and now I consider Dabi the bonus character (how turntables). Which doesn't make sense considering the previous. I'm confused too. Maybe so maybe reading that "list of three characters" was after learning about Kazooli? But anyway, I guess one could say that her blog plus others made me a Shigaraki fan, but honestly I just wasn't far in the anime at that point and even if I never found those blogs I would have ended up liking Shigaraki a whole lot. He is somehow my type in appearance, personality, and tragic backstory, it's like Horikoshi made him for me. It's strange and wonderful)

Anyway. I remember going on and scrolling through and instantly being treated to some nasty (but yummy) things. I also found that "Just for Tonight" was her first post from what I can recall. I remember specifically finding this one meme she posted with someone (her) feeding seeds (incest) to birds (followers) and I was very confused because I was still clueless dark content existed (despite the noncon and dubcon fics/thirst posts on Jo's blog).

I was like "No, incest is bad." But then that got my thinking, "Why do they like it? Is there a reason." So I actually clicked on one of her incest fics (Touya, obviously) and began reading it. I think I was either trying to figure out why they liked it, or trying to prove to myself it wasn’t that good and ppl were just being weird. Spoiler, I actually REALLY liked it. So much I quickly started to look for more.

That whole transition was 10 minutes or less. Made me think of that one Thomas Sanders vine when the girl comes in to say she can't play video games because she has a paper to do, but ends up playing the game anyway. Except for me, change the quote to "No, incest is bad and- I NEED MORE! How did I get here?" "Don't question it."

Also, Kazooli writes the BEST incest fics. I've read other people's, but they just don't live up to hers or write it in a way I like it (sorry, Mari). I mean @ tomurasprincess's (Mari) newest fic with the A/B/O + soul mate + incest + Todoroki, and Mirror Image, those were good ones that weren't made by Kazooli. But Kaz is just this master at making gross and dark things sound REALLY appealing and hot. And you know it's gross, she definitely writes it so it sounds nasty, but she somehow does it SO GOOD and I don't know how.

So that's how I discovered these two, and this lead to me learning about a bunch of different things. In a way, they and Mari are like the keystones in how I found a lot of my current interests, and the reason I even created this blog in the first place.

Next up! How I discovered Mari's blog and what I came to discover from that!

Next part (link will be posted after I write that next part)

[veliseraptor]

What are your top favorite characters of the decade?

Are we talking about favorite characters who came from this decade, or favorite characters I personally adopted this decade? Because those I think are two different answers. 

Let’s go with “adopted this decade” because that’ll be easier for me. Also limited it to 15 because otherwise I could probably go on forever, and the more I thought about it the more characters I thought of.

Natasha Romanov: Both in comics and in the MCU. What a glorious character. She was the character who got me reading Marvel Comics for the first time ever, who got me into superhero comics as a whole, who I still love passionately.

Loki: I mean, obviously. I’m cheating and including all versions of Loki in this. All iterations thereof. Every one of them. You can’t stop me.

Sameen Shaw: Rewatching Person of Interest this year I kept going “where is Sameen. where is she” because she was probably (narrowly) my favorite character in this show, and is also just a spectacular character who is very unique in the media landscape, imo.

Charles Vane: Not the character I expected to come out of Black Sails attached to, but he’s the one I did! I think I just sometimes fall for semi-feral characters. I rewatched the last episode of season 2 again recently and god!!! so good.

Ishamael/Moridin: Yes, he’s from an old series that I read well before this decade, but he’s a new adoptee after my reread so I’m putting him on here. I love a good fatalistic villain who just wants everything to end! Who literally thought himself into evil because it seemed like the best option! What a good boy.

Laura Kinney: I think about “I do not need to touch them. I am made of stars” and “I can have what I want. I can change. Watch me.” at minimum once a week. I love her so goddamn much. My girl, made as a monster and a machine and figuring out that she’s as human as anyone. God. So good.

Lucille & Thomas Sharpe: You know I love a good pair of incestuous murder siblings. Doesn’t help that they’re both pretty as hell.

Tommy Shelby: New but boy do I love him. Slams all my character buttons several times and also those cheekbones, dammit Cillian Murphy, you got me. 

Nebula: I have a very specific “fucked up younger siblings with inferiority complexes” type and she hit it right off the bat.

Catra: I cruised into the She Ra show for fun and came out of it with a new villain couch adoptee and I have no regrets.

Morrigan (Dragon Age): Basically from the second she showed up in Dragon Age: Origins I loved her and that has not changed. You know I love a character when I cosplay them, and I’ve been cosplaying Morrigan for a few years now, no matter that it means some creepy guys trying to put their arm around my waist.

Cullen Rutherford: I liked Cullen in Dragon Age: Origins because he was a mess, but what really sold me on him was his arc through Inquisition, and the more I thought about him (and talked about him with @portraitoftheoddity) the more I loved him.

Steve Rogers: He’s a good boy. I feel like I partly fell in love with Steve via @ameliarating as well as writing him over seven years in Remember This Cold but he’s mine now. 

Clytemnestra: I read Agamemnon by Aeschylus in freshman year of college and fell in love. 

The entire cast of Critical Role. It’s cheating, but I can if I want to. My top favorite fluctuates, as I’ve said, at least three times per episode, and every time I start to be like “but especially” someone else sticks their head in there. So I’m just going with “all of them.” The most recent additions to this list and I’m happy to have them.

I will refrain from including Francis Crawford of Lymond (narrowly missed at 2008) or Felix (also narrow miss at November 2008) because even though I had a very strong resurgence of love for them both I did still love them very much the first time around.

Same goes for Crowley, actually. Resurgence of love but even if the TV show was new this year I don’t feel like I can actually count him as a new-to-me character.

But god!! there are so many more I could have chosen. And I’m almost certainly forgetting a whole bunch because it’s been a while, and there are others that I wanted to put down but felt like I needed to draw the line somewhere. Like…Faith Lehane and Angel from my Buffywatch? Baru Cormorant? Hela? Root? Wanda Maximoff? Josephine and Vivienne from DAI? The Leverage OT3? Kaz Brekker? too fucking many good characters.

Which. Good problem to have, but does make writing a list like this a challenge.

[aliceviceroy]

Feb. 5, 2019

“We think of church as a place of healing and transformation, and it is,” says Michael Walrond Jr., pastor of the First Corinthian Baptist Church in Harlem. But for some, he says, “religion has been more bruising and damaging than healing and transformative.”

Pastor Mike, as he is called, leads services in a renovated art deco movie palace on Adam Clayton Powell Jr. Boulevard. Under his direction, the church has taken a lead in confronting an issue that few other religious institutions have tackled: what some call religious trauma syndrome.

You won’t find this condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which clinicians use to make their diagnoses. But the term has been gaining currency with psychotherapists, counselors and others who work with people who are recovering from the harmful effects of religious indoctrination.

Some churches “weaponize scripture and religion to do very deep damage on the psyche,” he said. Gay, lesbian and trans people are told that God condemns them, unwed mothers that they are living in sin, and many natural human desires are deemed evil.

Scientific research into the consequences of such religious condemnation remains at an early stage. But the potential for harm is clear. Many suffer for decades from post-traumatic stress disorder-type symptoms, including anxiety, self doubt and feelings of social inadequacy

Marcus Jerry Kaz McNeely, 33, who works in an after school program, came to the Hope Center, a free psychiatric clinic run by the First Corinthian Baptist Church, after leaving a church in the Bronx that prohibited watching TV, going to the movies and wearing jewelry. The leader, who demanded absolute obedience, bullied Mr. McNeely from the pulpit for the slightest infractions.

“I became sick because of stress, depressed and paranoid,” Mr. McNeely said.

Kyndra Frazier, center, directs the Hope Center, a free psychiatric clinic run by First Corinthian Baptist Church where she is a co-pastor.First Corinthian Baptist Church

Kyndra Frazier, a co-pastor of the church who directs the Hope Center, helped Mr. McNeely shed his “religious perfectionism” and “be O.K. with not being O.K.,” as he put it. She also taught him how to meditate and to “spend more quality time with myself,” a luxury that the fundamentalist church he attended had not allowed him.

Pastor Frazier, who struggled with religious condemnation of her sexual orientation as a child growing up in rural North Carolina, tells those who come to her not to blindly believe everything that’s taught from the pulpit or that’s written in the Bible, but to develop their own capacity to discern God’s will for them.

Another congregation that is working with those grappling with religious trauma is the Holy Trinity Community Church in Nashville, with a membership that is over 80 percent L.G.B.T.

Brice Thomas, the lead pastor, says he first grasped religion’s capacity for harm when his father, a Pentecostal faith healer, died of a treatable skin cancer because the church did not believe in going to doctors. After a stint in the military, Mr. Thomas, who is gay, became ordained in the United Church of Christ, one of the first denominations to affirm marriage equality, and took up his duties in Nashville last year. Together with Jennifer Strickland, a licensed therapist, he is setting up a “Recovering from Religious Trauma Syndrome” group at the church.

Pastor Thomas says that releasing feelings of shame and unworthiness takes time and the support of a loving community. He adds, however, that being ostracized by religion can be a blessing in disguise if it pushes one to develop a more authentic personal faith.

“I’m grateful to the religious community that I grew up in because the challenges that they presented have brought me to the place I am today,” he said. “I’m also thankful for my sexual orientation because it has opened me to deeper ways of being in relationship to God.”

Even after people leave religions where they have suffered abuse, they can still harbor the emotional conviction that they are “basically sinful and wrong,” says Marlene Winell, a human development expert who coined the term “religious trauma syndrome” in a series of articles in 2011.

Dr. Winell was raised by missionary parents in Taiwan whose religion, she says, taught her that she was never good enough as a child. She struggled for years “to figure out how to enjoy life,” whose pleasures she had been made to feel guilty about.

Dr. Winell’s group, Journey Free, runs retreats where people suffering from religious trauma share personal stories and engage in nurturing exercises like “the baby wrap,” in which participants are swaddled in a blanket and rocked by the others who read statements like “I love you” and “you are welcome to the world.”

“I call it reparenting,” Dr. Winell says.

Another group that works with victims is the Child-Friendly Faith Project, founded by Janet Heimlich, a journalist who has written about religious child maltreatment. The project has worked with those who say they were traumatized by religious groups, including former attendees of Cal Farley’s Boys Ranch, a Christian boarding school for at-risk children located outside Amarillo, Tex.

Brett Higbee, a retired land surveyor who attended the ranch during the late 1970s, said that he was routinely beaten for religious infractions like failing to memorize Bible verses. These experiences made him religion-phobic for years, he said, his pain triggered by entering a church or even hearing Christmas music on the radio.

The gap between religious teachings on compassion and the ways that faith sometimes gets misused inspired Dr. Harold G. Koenig, a psychiatrist, and his colleagues at Duke University to develop “religious cognitive therapy” in 2014. The therapy uses “positive scriptures that focus on forgiveness, God’s love and divine mercy to challenge the dysfunctional thoughts that maintain trauma,” says Dr. Koenig.

The Duke team has developed workbooks that accentuate this positive content for each of the world’s major religions. Clinical trials, published in 2015, showed that religious people who received the therapy had lower rates of depression and reported more positive emotions like gratitude and optimism than those who did not receive it.

The best cure for religious trauma may be a deeper dive into the spiritual core of religious teachings, Dr. Koenig says.

“Jesus just gave two commandments to the faithful,” he observed, “to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself. If people remembered this and allowed it to guide their attitudes and actions, they might stop harming people in the name of religion.”

An earlier version of this article misstated when the United Church of Christ affirmed marriage equality. It was one of the first denominations to do so, but that was in 2005, not over two decades ago.

[thechronicbookwormblog]

MY TOP 17 BOOKS OF 2017:

I can’t believe that it is almost 2018, this year has gone so quickly. 2017 has been a hard year for me but a good one too. I’m so happy I started this blog and I love sharing my photos and thoughts on books with you all. 

Favourite fantasy/sci-fi:

- Zenith by Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings 

I loved this book! It was my first foray into the science fiction genre and has made me want to read all the sci-fi. If you like the sound of an all female crew of space pirates having adventures in space then you will like this book. Spoiler free review.

- Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

I read this book earlier this year and it is just an amazing story. I love the combination of photography and story.

- Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst 

Of Fire and Stars is such an amazing fantasy. The world building was great and the romance was so cute. This story has everything; two princesses falling in love, secret magic and fighting for the kingdom.

- Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo 

Out of all the books on this list Six of Crows is my favourite book of the year. I loved all the characters and the world was amazing. Kaz Brekker is honestly one of the best characters and it was so nice to see a disable character being more than just his disability. Spoiler free review.

- An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson 

I loved everything about An Enchantment of Ravens. The writing was beautiful and the world was amazing. Spoiler free review.

Favourite Contemporaries:

- The Names they Gave Us by Emery Lord

I loved that friendship, faith and family were the main themes of this story. Also the camp setting was really fun to read about. Spoiler free review.

- My Life as a Hashtag by Gabrielle Williams

I think this book should be a must read for anyone using social media. It deals with bullying in the social media age. Spoiler free review. 

- If There’s No Tomorrow by Jennifer L Armentrout

This book deals with some heavy topics. I really loved the main character Lena Wise I thought she was such a relatable protagonist. Spoiler free review.

- Turtles all the way down by John Green

Aside from being one of my favourite contemporaries I have read this year, I think Turtles is my favourite John Green book. His writing is amazing! Aza’s character shows the challenges of living with OCD and anxiety. I found Turtles all the way down to be a really powerful and moving story. Spoiler free review.

- The Sun is also a Star by Nicola Yoon

The Sun is also a Star is one of those contemporaries that stay with you. I loved the main characters and the side characters were great too. This is a story about love, friendship, and family told in one day. 

- When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon

This was such a cute, fun and diverse contemporary. I loved everything about When Dimple Met Rishi. Dimple Shah is now one of my favourite female characters. The romance was adorable and I loved learning more about coding. Spoiler free review.

- The Last Days of Us by Beck Nicholas

The Last Days of Us is one of my most recent reads. This is the perfect road trip novel. I loved the characters and I think this is a great summer read. Spoiler free review.

- Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde

I read this book in a day, I absolutely loved it! The convention setting is great and the romances are so wonderful. Spoiler free review.

Favourite Murder Mysteries/Classics:

- Heidi by Johanna Spyri

Heidi was the first book I read in 2017 and what a great book to start the year on. The beautiful descriptions of the Swiss Alps make you feel like you are there with Heidi and her Grandfather. I loved the feeling of home that this story creates. 

- A Study in Charlotte by Brittany Cavallaro

I love a good Sherlock Holmes story and A Study in Charlotte was perfect! The mystery was engaging and Jamie and Charlotte’s friendship stood up to their famous ancestors. Spoiler free review.

- Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie

If you like a murder mystery that keeps you guessing right until the end, then this book is for you. Also the train setting really adds to the mysterious and trapped atmosphere.

- Stalking Jack the Ripper by Kerri Maniscalco

What an amazing book! I fell in love with the two main characters and this series. Stalking Jack the Ripper is an amazing murder mystery that keeps you guessing until the end. I loved the London setting and the romance between Audrey Rose and Thomas. Spoiler free review.

Thank you so much to all of you who follow my blog, like, reblog and comment on my posts, you have made 2017 a great year. Let us hope 2018 is even better! 

[mistermead]

Water under the Burrows Bonus: Pay It Forwards

Water is the foundation of our society, and of every society.

About a year ago we started working on the script of Water under the Burrows. Soon it appeared that the project was rather more expansive than Judy is Dead had been, and the topic of opening a Patreon came up. We decided against it, as I didn’t want to feel that in some sense I was selling a product, and I certainly didn’t want to make some underhanded incentive to donate like putting material behind a paywall. And besides, we didn’t really need the money. A simpler (but probably less lucrative option) was to just make a tip jar of some sort, so I just opened a Ko-fi account and let people chip in if they felt like it. 

From early on we decided to donate any raised funds to some suitable cause, and I decided that a charity working to expand access to drinking water in arid areas would be fitting, considering the narrative framing around “water”. However, with the unfolding disaster in the Caribbean it seems more auspicious to pick a charity active in that area.

Hurricane Maria was the second category 5 storm of the pacific hurricane season this year, making landfall on sept. 18th and carving a swathe of devastation across the Caribbean islands, many of which were still reeling after damage from hurricane Irma just weeks prior. Infrastructure in many of these regions was already is disrepair before the hurricanes hit, compounding an unfolding humanitarian crisis. Millions of people are now without power, shelter and vitally, clean water. 

Waves for Water is an nonprofit that, in their words, works “to provide access to clean water through the distribution of portable water filters, the digging and renovating of wells, and the construction of rainwater harvesting and storing systems in places where groundwater is not accessible.” The first phase of their emergency response to Irma and Maria involves distributing water filtration systems that each can filter up to 1 million gallons of water. Bottled water serves an immediate and necessary need, but as the old adage goes, “give a man a bottle of water and he drinks for a day, give him a water filtration device and he drinks for 5 years.”

Being a minor group, W4W hasn’t been rated by most big charity watchdogs like CharityWatch or BBB Wise Giving Alliance. For this reason I was skeptical to pick them as the recipient of the money, but they do enjoy a “gold” rating with GuideStar(which to be fair, isn’t a watchdog per se) for their commitment to transparency, and in the end their design philosophy of focusing on low-tech but sustainable and long-term solutions was what won me over. 

Do you agree? Or would you have chosen differently? Please let me know your thoughts on the matter. It’s funny how an animated movie about talking animals made this possible. Did any of you find inspiration in Nick and Judy’s example and worked to better yourself and your society? Please reblog with your stories, I’d love to read them. 

I for one can’t express my gratitude enough to everyone that helped us raise almost a thousand dollars... but I can sure try! Therefore, I extend a big thank you to each and every one of those that donated - literally - under the cut:

Anonymous - my very first donation was from anon, thank you so much! Mustang - Thank you so much for your generous donation! TaMarmot -  Thank you so much, it’s very appreciated!    huebris -  I have a lot to say but the abridged version is - Thanks! Shak - Thank you for each of the donations! Quilly - Thank you! Red Velvet Panda - Thanks, Panda! Bimpy the Wimpy Shrimpy - Thanks, Bimpy! How anybody can get any sleep nowadays is beyond me! Claudia - Thanks for the coffee! Karteufel - Thanks for the coffees! I appreciate it every time! Dogsport - Much appreciated! Alexandre Landsec - Thank you for all that you do! Jihwan Lee - Thanks muchly! Keep making that good music! pyrophoricitee - iyts a cip n ko-fi Nathan P - No, YOU rock! stevegallacci - a big thank you! And yes I have seen your work, keep it up! Kazookie - Thanks, Kaz! And I appreciate YOU! Every time you did your part to keep me up in the wee hours of the night. Funzinnu - Thank you for your many donations, I hope you liked the story! Jan - Your kind words are more than enough for me Jan, thank you! Rene - 2! Thanks Rene! Mojo - Thanks mojo, I got the Touch! Okie - Thanks a lot! Zanrok - Thanks so much! Cary Reese - Thank you! Enny - Thanks for your donation! Karazu - Thanks for your support! Wessa140 - Thank you! I will! Stubat - Thank you! Sorry there weren’t many ‘yeens, hope you still liked it though! A bobcat - I LOVE donuts, how did you know?

Mayu Zane - Thank you! Kazookieslama - Thanks again Kaz! kei - Bravo to you kei! TargaryenTurtle - You and me both buddy! Nathan - Thank you, just watch this space! Ozy Lellowen - And I appreciate your donation Ozy! Harry Lime - HARRY YOU MADMAN, most of the good karma in this post is thanks to you! Kamiten - I’m keeping, I’m keeping! Funzinnu - Thanks again and again Funz! Always appreciate your words of support! Ztpia -  Stubat - Oh I’m sure the damage isn’t THAT bad! You got the whole paypal donation thing down at least, which I love you for! IronicSnap - The kudos is all thanks to you Ironic! PocketPaws - and I truly love your words <3 CombatEngineer - YOU are amazing! Yoshimon - So glad you liked it, I hope whatever comes next will be good as well! InTheLionsDenOnDA - Thank you for your kind words! I don’t know when but there’s definitely going to be another project coming up! JAK072 - I’m so happy! doubleSidedTape - Tomato! FrigidGlacier - 100 proof babay! Master-Lux - And a big thanks to YOU for donating, Lux! Daniel Côté - merci beaucoup! Robin -Two thank you’s for a great reader! Thank you and thank you!  Eh - And all the best to you too! Nukukun - Thank you so much! Johnsoneer - That’s high praise! Thank you! Axel Ember - You touch me with your kind words, thank you so much! Silver26 - Thank yoooou! Joel - Thank you! Lapine - Thank YOU! Apetzu - YOU are awesome! rva98014 - Thanks! You know, I almost called pop-pop “Thomas” in the epilogue, no idea where I got that notion from! And for all the other anonymous donors, a big thank you to each and every one of you as well! I hope I didn’t miss anyone.

[transcending-chaos]

Mind if I ask for some opinions and headcanons on some popular creatures? Like, Maxxor and whatnot. I find your character analysis stuff really fun to read.

Sure thing :3 Since you mentioned Maxxor, I’ll make this post about him (mostly because I’ve got a ton of headcanons about this guy and if I tried to add on more characters, this post would be incredibly long).

(Under a cut because of length)

Headcanons supported by Canon evidence:

Maxxor doesn’t think of himself as ‘King’

Throughout the series, Maxxor never really lords his position of power over anyone, in fact, he seems to just act as if he was a general. He almost always counsels before he makes large decisions -even considering a human’s input (Castle Bodhran or Bust part 2), he has an advisory counsel that we see/hear from (Najarin is a constant in this, as well as the others we see in the M’Arillian Arc, along with known and valued ambassadors like Raznus) and he does not abuse this position. He does not force his warriors or allies to do anything, they just follow his orders; perhaps this is because of the unspoken rule of conduct in the OverWorld that they have strong communal values and will do what’s best for many (most of the time) so they have no real issue following instructions, but even if that’s the case, it’s strange to notice that Maxxor himself doesn’t seem to have an issue with changing his ways of thinking or following another’s suggestion. We see him do this readily upon meeting Tom and Kaz once they show resilience and that they’re not as cowardly as he’d assumed, and again in the Fallen Hero arc where Tom helps him recover what he’s lost. 

To him, being a leader seems to mean that he must be someone worthy of it, of setting a good example and making it so that others will trust him enough to follow, not because he puts them in a position where they have to. For him, being a king is more a formality and job, like how other people are everything from diplomats, to scholars, to bakers, what have you. This isn’t to say that he takes the position lightly, far from it -we see him late into the night going over documents, so we can also assume that this is a regular occurrence- but he’s definitely not one for luxury or standing. He probably skips out on events that are supposed to centered around nobility or the like because he could be using that time more productively elsewhere -like going around to see villages and see if they need assistance or other forms of aid. 

He just wants to protect his people, be it through achieving peace or personally fighting to reach that goal. 

The only time we really see him use his station as a threat is in Dangers of Diplomacy, where he’s depicted as a hot-blooded, young warrior who still has a lot to learn. (On that note, here’s an old drawing I did like a year ago for @firebird963 of a young Maxxor because I despise his canon one -teens are not mini adults:

I also tried making his relation to Accato more apparent.)

Maxxor does not actually hate the UnderWorld, he just hates Chaor and Von Bloot

This might take some explaining, but Maxxor does not demonize the UnderWorlders. He disagrees with them, sure, but he’s not too quick to judge a group of scouts. His mind usually goes to “I bet Chaor/Von Bloot planned this” and that’s when he gets mad; this is probably both due in part to how Maxxor conducts himself as a king versus how the others lead their respective factions, but also because of clashing values and ideologies.

To him, there’s a huge disconnect between an everyday UW soldier and their leaders; they might have some overlap in their beliefs and actions, but Maxxor differentiates between the layman and their authority figures. One is someone clearly (at least in Maxxor’s opinion) not taking care of their people, and the other’s actions are just a consequence. 

You can also see this with his interaction with the Danians and Mipedians. When faced with hostility from soldiers, he mostly has an annoyed attitude because they’re preventing him from taking down the larger threat (their leaders) or being a general nuisance. When faced with their leaders, that’s when he becomes hostile, because they are responsible for their followers and influencing them. 

This way of thinking is not always good, as it can make him paranoid that there’s always going to be a bigger threat coming, and causes Maxxor to be over protective of those around him. 

Maxxor is a diplomat first, and a fighter second

This one isn’t too complicated, but it’s shown that he’s more willing to solve things peacefully than the other leaders and just wants the fighting to stop because it’d be mutually beneficial. Why struggle constantly when they could find some Cothica-forsaken way of coexisting without fighting a war on three fronts?

Maxxor would have made a good parent

This might be a weird statement, but Maxxor is one of the most compassionate people in the show, if not the most. While he’s unafraid of being harsh or disciplinary when it’s necessary, his willingness to change his opinions and let people learn/solve problems by themselves (as long as they’re doing it safely) shows that he’d probably be pretty good at being a parent. 

Heck, look at his relationship with Tom and tell me he’s not already being a dad. This behavior is evident in most of the episode dedicated to their interactions (Bodhran or Bust part 2, Fallen Hero, Maze of Menace, and even a little bit in A Rare Hazard). It’s a good dynamic to have -especially considering the need for it that Tom has, but it’s also giving Maxxor a chance to be ‘normal’ (for lack of a better term) as it’s not like the typical relations he has due to his standing within his own people. It’s also a lot less stressful for the king because Tom is not only a human (meaning he is not much of a physical threat, and can be picked up easily by one hand if he needed to be) but he’s also a well-intentioned kid that doesn’t have ulterior motives. Tom’s just not really much of a negative presence, and while he can be annoying, he has his heart in the right place -just like many OW youth would. 

It’s why in the published version of Transcending Perim, I said this:

“Tom was an important outlet in ways that most Creatures could not be…most of the interactions that Maxxor had with his people and friends were respectful; if not almost curtly so…

“Surprisingly, that was something that the raven-locked boy did not do. If anything at all, he was more relaxed around the king than his own people. The child still viewed him as someone of importance, yes, but it was more of a genuine respect than a wish to not be trouble. The king had found an friend in Thomas, something that he’d definitely never expected…the blue eyed human was truly more of a comfort than he’d first, or ever, had tried to foresee. And times like the current one, such a presence was greatly appreciated.”

Maxxor values his citizens as individuals, not just as countrymen

This is a noticeable distinction between he and Chaor, most prominently shown on Chaor’s Commandos part 2, but Maxxor doesn’t really view the general populace as ‘masses’ or his allies as ‘soldiers’. They have names, they have stories, they all have abilities and weaknesses, they all matter. If he can save or help them, then Maxxor is obligated to not only because he knows they trust and rely on him, but also because they have his trust and thanks. It’s why he didn’t risk hitting Gespedan with a laser ballistae, he is someone who is valued.

Knowing this, it’s no wonder why so many of the OW Creatures we meet will follow Maxxor’s orders: their respect is returned, their trust is validated, and their leader cares for them as much as anyone else.

I have a few more, but I should probably move onto another category.

Headcanons not supported by Canon evidence

Maxxor had a complicated relationship with his father

I don’t know why, but I love the idea that Maxxor constatly feels the shadow of his father over him, and kind of resents his father for it. As great as a king the former ruler was, I’d like to think that he and Maxxor didn’t get along (ie. “you’re great at your job but you are a terrible person/father” kind of relationship), and that it pushes Maxxor to be great in ways his predecessor was not -hence a focus on diplomacy, and why he actively tries to be less severe and more understanding. 

However, that won’t stop people comparing the two kings, and it hurts the current ruler. People seem to revel in his father’s memory, but they do not know what he was really like; Maxxor is ashamed for feeling the way he does, so he buries these thoughts deep down underneath all of his other worries. 

This is (unknowingly) a parallel shared by Accato -who is compared to his cousin often, and a personal issue he was supposed to revisit and conquer in TP with Tera. There was going to be a scene where the pair fought, ending with Maxxor actually blasting Tera and burning him on his left leg. It was a moment meant to snap him into re-evaluating himself and essentially starting over when faced with both his younger cousin and Tera.

Maxxor is a picky eater

I don’t know why I have this one. Simply put, the different Gherix clans have different diets, some featuring foods that are poisonous to the others. He’s used to people thinking ‘oh, I heard that ‘____’ is a dish they prepare/like’ and trying to be respectful when in fact it turns out that he’d get sick from eating said food. 

He’s terrible at banquets or formal dinners because of this, so he prefers to eat alone beforehand to avoid conflict. 

This was supposed to be an ongoing joke in TP, with him constantly teasing ‘don’t eat that, you’ll die’ to a very easily misled Tera. 

Money/wealth has no value to Maxxor

In the sense that he personally doesn’t care for money because his early life began in a place where ‘coin isn’t important when you’re living in the woods’ and thus he just never got accustomed to it. Even now, the only reason he has a jewel on his belt is because people expected him to. If it were up to him, he’d much rather go without anything like it. 

Don’t get me wrong, he understands why and how it’s important, as well as understanding the commerce system/has the treasury properly managed by the right people, he himself just doesn’t find pleasure in wealth.

Maxxor is demisexual

He doesn’t seem to show much interest in anyone besides Intress, but what struck me is that it’s really underplayed. So that lead me to some theorizing, and then to this conclusion. 

Maxxor and his father are exiles from their clan

I wanted an explanation as to why we never really see/hear anything about his relations (like his dad is mentioned once, while Accato and Prantix’s ties to his family tree are only implied) so I made one.

Long story short: Maxxor’s clan thought he was a disappointment and kicked him out while his father just left because he didn’t like being removed from the rest of the OverWorld. Eventually, Maxxor convinces himself that he left like his dad had, and not that his own mother chased him off.

Learning Mugic was insanely hard for him

I like the idea of him struggling with something like this, if only to share as a story with others who have the same issue.

Najarin took him on at the request of his father, and thus, Maxxor was unknowingly a way for Najarin to cope with losing his own kid

I just thought this was a cute idea, as well as helping to explain why the pair trusted each other so much

Maxxor’s underbite is common among most of his clan

Braxels tend to have this key trait, while others have things like softer hair, one variant is notorious for having claws, and the last one still has retained the trait of being furred (like Vlar was). 

Hopefully these were good (or at least fun to read) and even though I still have a quite a lot more that I didn’t put on this post, it’s already long enough.