#ANYWAYS. geez making him has been so fun i love this asshole so much i'm going to put him through the horrors

[automatonknight]

here's the prick i was talking about^ i have so many thoughts and notes about him but they're mostly incomprehensible so when i organize maybe them i'll post them who knows

[matthewfairchildfanclub]

TSC but it's incorrect quotes.

Jem: Hey, Will, what's up?

Will: Well, I'm sitting in a pool of my own blood.

Jem: Is it... your own?

Will: Oh, yeah, probably.

Jem: Where is it coming from?

Will: Probably the stab wound.

Jem: yoU'VE BEEN STABBED?!

Will: Oh, yeah definitely.

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Kit: I wrote a song called I'm Late For My Final Exam and it's just three minutes of me screaming.

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Emma: Look upon the filed which I grow my fucks. Lay thine eyes upon it and see that it is barren.

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Will: Do you ever wonder how an author would describe you in a novel? Like, not only your appearance, but also your little habits and stuff. I wanna know how I'd be described.

Gabriel: Bet it would be something like "so here's this asshole."

Will: Honestly, fuck you, Gabriel.

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Kit: I mixed up Donkey Kong with King Kong and accidentally said Kinky Kong to my parents.

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Izzy: Who is that weirdo on TV? He's running downtown with eight dogs.

Magnus: THAT'S MY WEIRDO

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Sebastian: Be warned, I can kill you.

Jace: Be warned, I can die.

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Jace: Excuse me, who made Alec the boss of the group.

Clary: You did.

Simon: You said, "Alec should be the boss."

Izzy: And then you said, "lets vote," and it was unanimous.

Magnus: And then you made him this plaque that says, "Boss of us."

Magnus: And put little sparkles all over it.

Jace:... all valid points.

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Simon: What are you guys talking about? I'm like the backbone of this family.

Jace: You're more like the appendix of this family, no one knows what you're here for.

Alec: Also prone to explode at any given moment.

Jace: And a real pain to remove.

Simon: Fuck you guys.

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Emma: What's your problem?

Cristina: He keeps using common phrases incorrectly.

Kieran: Oh, cry me a table, Cristina.

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Cecily: If a guy calls you "princess" in a condescending manner, assert your newly appointed royal status and have him beheaded.

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Will: I could get killed.

Will: Or even worse. Jem could give me a lecture on responsibility again.

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Dru: What color are Emma's eyes?

Julian: The warm chestnut of well-worn leather when the sun comes out after days of rain.

Dru: What?

Julian: I said brown.

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Gabriel: Hello, Will, make anyone cry today?

Will: Sadly, no, but it's only 4:30.

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Will: Rubbing alcohol is for outside wounds. Drinking alcohol is for inside wounds.

Matthew: Cheers! I'll drink to that.

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James: What are you going to bring to dinner?

Matthew: My negative attitude and sparkling personality.

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Tessa: You're late.

Kit: Listen, I just spent twenty minutes in a standoff with the biggest cockroach I have ever seen, so that's where I'm at... mentally.

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Julian: I told you to stop doing that with the knives.

Dru, with knives taped to her hands: But Wolverine has-

Julian: I said stop.

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Aline: The only thing that seems to motivate you guys is pancakes.

Tavvy: Pancakes?

Ty: I love pancakes!

Dru: Do we have maple syrup?

Julian: I'll go buy some.

Emma: Where are they?

Aline: THERE ARE NO PANCAKES!

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Jace: And once again, Jace and Magnus save the day!

Alec: You didn't do anything.

Alec: It was all Magnus.

Jace: We're a package deal. Everyone knows that.

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Tessa: How can one man have so many enemies?

Will: I'm a people person who talks shit and drinks.

________________________________

Matthew: You're my best friend, but I'd fuck you if you asked.

James: What?

Matthew: What?

Lucie, from across the room: HE SAID HE'D FUCK YOU IF YOU ASKED!

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Matthew: What if we kidnap-

James: No.

Matthew: Steal-

James: No.

Matthew: Blow up-

James: Not even a little.

Matthew: You're no fun.

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Julian: We need to distract the enemies.

Emma: Right, I can do that.

Julian: What are you going to do?

Emma: I'm gonna kill them all.

Emma: That ought to distract them.

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Mark: I have a sword!

*two minutes later*

Mark: I have lost the sword.

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Kit: My friendship with Dru is over.

Ty: What?

Kit: She stole my fries.

________________________________

Kit: Baking yeast has alcohol in it, but you can't get drunk off eating bread.

Kit: Trust me, I've tried.

_______________________________

Kit: I know you think my judgment is clouded because I like Ty a little bit-

Jem: You doodled your wedding invitation.

Kit: That was our joint tombstone.

Jem: My mistake.

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Clary, through the door: Are you decent?

Jace: Not morally, but I'm wearing pants if that's what you're asking.

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Kit: Ty, let's play 20 questions!

Ty: Okay, what's your favorite color.

Kit: Aces. My turn, do you like boys?

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Julian, coming to bail the group out of jail: I hate you sometimes, you know.

Emma: Welcome to the club! You are one of 53 members. We make t-shirts and have meetings every Wednesday at 4.

Julian: What?

Mark: We would meet earlier, but Kit gets out of school at 3.

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Jace, to Izzy and Simon at their wedding party: Alright, everyone, Saturday is the big day! A lot of us thought this day would never come. I may have been one of those people.

Izzy: I may have also been one of those people.

Simon: Wait, are we talking about our wedding?

Izzy: Yes.

Simon: Oh, yes, I was also one of those people.

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Emma: Julian and I slept together.

Cristina: And?

Emma: ... I thought you would be a little more surprised.

Cristina: Oh, sorry.

Cristina, in a shocked voice: AND?!

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Ty: The dishes aren't in alphabetical order!!!!

Kit: Excuse my language, but what the F U C K does that mean?

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Lucie: We shouldn't complain.

Matthew: I'm gonna complain anyways.

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Dru: Kit? Are you alive? Knock once for yes, twice for no.

Kit: *pauses, then knocks twice*

Dru: What do we do? Kit's dead!

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Will: Do you know....? Do you KNOW what it's like to be AFRAID of YOURSELF?!

Tessa, thinking of all the money she blew on a scam: Geez, man, I sure do-

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Clary: Simon, you've got a lot to offer Izzy. You're funny, you're smart-

Magnus: You're creative, you've got style...

Jace:

Magnus:

Clary:

Jace: Oh, did you want me to say something?

Jace: You have brown hair, your name is Simon.

Simon: Thanks, Jace.

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Will: I've done a lot of dumb shit.

Tessa: I witnessed the dumb shit.

Cecily: I remember the dumb shit.

Magnus: I joined you in the dumb shit.

Jem: I tried to stop you from doing the dumb shit!

_______________________________

Jace: Okay, so-

Alec: No. Don't you dare! Stop. Stop. I don't wanna hear it. I have been cleaning up your messes for way too long and now I'm aging prematurely. You are driving me steadily insane. So I don't wanna hear it. Go away. I'll be dead next month at this rate. Leave me alone.

Jace: I was just gonna ask you if you wanted toast...

Alec: Oh, well. No thank you.

Jace: Good, because I blew up the toaster and now one of the plants is on fire.

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Kit: If you are about to be stabbed, just say, "I have too much swagger for the dagger," and they will leave you alone.

Dru: Or stab you a hundred more times.

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Will: WHO ATE MY FRIES

Will: I'M GONNA FUCKING KI-

Jem: I did.

Will:-ss you and buy you more. You haven't been eating enough.

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James: A waiter could literally murder me and I'd still tip 20%

Matthew: I would actually tip more if they murdered me, that's great customer service.

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