#ANYWAYS I'M DONE W/ THIS NOW I PROMISE LMAO

[briankang]

at the end of the day sometimes ur man makes music that sounds like he should be a soundcloud musician or like he should be transported back in time of like 2012 because for some reason that’s when his brain absorbed all of his music information for himself personally and u have to accept that. that’s real love. THAT’S stand by your man.mp3. thank u. 

[natewriteslol]

Hiii! I read your works alot because it's one of the active twst writers I see (I'm a dead writer myself LMAO)

Savanaclaw, riddle and Azul with a reader who's cheery and often bouncing with optimism that always has the mind boggling stories to tell. What do you mean that they literally man handed a lion because it won't stop messing around? What do you mean they were in a pit full of scorpions because they accidentally rolled down a hill? What do you mean they literally escaped a real decapitation (hinting towards Riddle LMAO) because he put one spoon full of herbs instead of a teaspoon? Like— they could go on forever! And the thing is, they have evidence of it.

Thank youuu 🫶🫶🫶🫶

A/N: Thank u so much I've been trying to stay on top of writing but it can get so hard!! But I really do try to keep this fandom alive w some goodies, anyways I'll stop yapping heres

Savanaclaw, Azul, and Riddle with a cheery, adventurous Reader!

Leona:

He didn't exactly always question your storytelling before he got to get to know you as he would rather spend time sleeping. But it seemed like literally everyone was captivated by your latest entertaining experience.

As you guys' relationship grew, it got to the point where he couldn't ignore you dropping an insane piece of lore about yourself.

"Yeah, I was accidentally poisoned before-"

"What did you just say-"

"It's okay though, the gnome did apologize and I got my stomach pumped but everything is all good!"

He makes sure to keep an eye out on you, and honestly your stories are the main thing that keep him awake during the day especially because they're real. And although it may seem he's nonchalant when you message him about where you're at, Leona always makes sure to respond as he does care.

Jack:

As your first friend at NRC and protector kinda, he would get paranoid when you would sometimes disappear. However at first Jack believed you were an independent person, and wasn't up to any nefarious activity.

Until you came back with a gorgon head in a brown sack where he was studying in the autobiography section in the library talking about that you accidentally defeated it.

He screamed in terror upon seeing the thing, causing for him to be shushed completely by offended students. But he could not care less due to the sliced head within the sack, however he quickly took you both outside and you being you didn't exactly see the problem in this situation.

Once you where in an open area near NRC's well he began to question you.

"Why-? A-And how? Why are you like this, do you know how much danger you were in?!"

"To answer all your questions in order, 1. I got lost and she had a huge problem with me, 2. I got scared and ran with my eyes closed with the sword and BOOM, just clean off, and yes I know I was in a lot of danger and I'm very sorry for not responding to your calls."

He was way too scared for both you and himself to respond and learned his lesson to keep an eye on you more.

Ruggie:

Ruggie always told you that he was a "see it to believe it" type person and he was never really believing your wild tales you would tell even if you came back with a little souvenir. He always just assumed you were pulling his leg for a bit.

Until he texted you one day over Magicam, since it was a slow day at the Savannaclaw dorm. Only for you to reply with a video, making him click on it not knowing what he should expect.

Queue you to being in an extremely angry dragon's mouth,

"Hey Ruuggieee! I'll get back to you later since I'm in a pickle right now, but I promise I'll call you when I'm done!"

He nearly passed out upon the sight because what in all of the sevens' names doing inside of that deadly beast. The beast man ended up walking to Ignihyde to possibly get Idia to track your location based on your I.P address, only for his phone to ring just as he was about to blab about what happened.

It was you!

He quickly picked up his phone to hear your excited voice blaring on the phone, "I told you I would call you back! Anyways, come over to my house I have something to show you."

You ended up bringing home a dragon's tooth and treasure and while Ruggie was overjoyed, he reprimanded you for being irresponsible.

But he wouldn't mind it too much if you brought back goodies like this just make sure to let him know so he could tag along.

Azul:

You were running late to a meeting about mending a contract between students he scammed. Since you know him quite well and is a good friend of his, the students thought your kind hearted nature could persuade him out of binding them to the Monstro Lounge for an entire semester.

He written in a small font on the contract that if you were over 15 minutes late, you would be unable to host this meeting and the deal would be off completely. The white haired boy glanced at the clock as the time ticked and he would have his own free work force.

Until you had to come 30 seconds from it being called off completely out of breath.

"Sorry Azul! But I got you a little present from the desert," you said dropping down in your seat and digging through this brown sack.

The ancient golden scarab of the Hot Sands.

"Is that-"

"The golden scarab included with the jewel eyes? Yup and I did it all by myself!" You said, extremely proud of yourself.

"Do you understand the value of what you have in your hand? And what were you doing all the way out there by yourself I just talked to you a day ago and that is damn near a 5 day journey?"

"I did this since I did the calculations and about an 1/4 of the wages that the students owe you is in the value of this jewel bug here. So if I split the riches with you, will you let them go?"

You did all of this for some measly students you knew in passing? How could you jeopardize yourself like that?

But he at the same time, respected you greatly and for your trouble and kind heart.

However, he told you to not go anywhere without telling him.

And no of course it's not because he cares about you and was scared once you told him where you went...of course not...

Riddle:

Is the first person who noticed you were gone because he likes to keep tabs on his friends. He didn't know what to expect but the red head just believed you were busy.

So, Riddle decided to shoot you a text as everyone was hanging out in the Heartslabyul dorm and he really wanted to see you.

'Good afternoon, Y/N please feel free to stop by the Heartslabyul dorm. Your company is very appreciated :)'

You quickly texted back, 'Hey Riddle! I'm gonna swing by with a surprise ;D'

He smiled at his phone, unknowing as to what you were going to bring by. Thinking you might bring by muffins or a sweet treat as such.

Not the sword of Excalibur.

You opened the door, bursting in loudly with the enormous sword slung on your back as Grim carried two sacks of gold. Everyone was completely flabbergasted, as the sword had been known to be a mythological thing not yet proven like the fountain of youth.

But there it was on your back as you grinned.

Turned out you picked up your first job at an exploration company and they sent you on a death wish mission to get this damn sword. And in contrary to what everyone believed would be the outcome, you succeeded and retrieved the artifact.

Unfortunately for you, you ended up being scolded for about two hours straight for being completely irresponsible by Riddle with some chime ins from your friends.

He admired your intense tenacity and bravery, but Riddle was super worried about you whenever you take on a quest. He forced you to have a partner whenever you go on missions and call him every time you reached an important point to make sure you were alive and safe.

"So... you really do care about me-"

"By the great seven- YES ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN KILLED IN THAT DAMN ENCHANTED FOREST-"

[ghostaholics]

ɪɢɴɪᴛᴇ

Pairing: Johnny MacTavish x fem!Reader Warning(s): [ 18 + only ] friends-with-benefits (incoming); implied reverse sunshine/grumpy trope; mentions of sex (w/ dom and sub vibes but like it’s subtext; pining (mutual); religious imagery; angst (?); not much plot while Johnny is clowning around the entire time; I could not explain to you why reader is in a constant state of distress lmao Summary: Johnny thinks a FWB relationship would be good A/N: there will be a follow up; (I made Johnny sound incredibly Scottish?? I dialed it back in various parts for easier reading if you notice inconsistencies) - I tried to get this out as my winter break is ending soon, so sorry for the rushed intro and ending (I’ll come back to fix it after the term) Word Count: 2.7k Translations: [know/ken] [I'm/ahm] [don't/dinnae] [of/o'] [you/ye] [your/yer] [for/fer] [mom/mam] [can't/cannae]

He's an unwavering fixture in your life, a constant that you can depend on; you know that he's always been waiting at the end of your warpath for you in that special way where he can absorb every negative emotion without a second thought.

You’d asked Johnny to spar with you – a terrible decision on your part as you’re now suffering the consequences. He manages to do another take down maneuver that has you slammed onto the ground, your back colliding with the hard surface. It tears the breath out of your lungs.

His voice is low and teasing in your ear, a rough timbre that melts you from the inside out. "Tap out."

You're panting, gasping for air as best you can after being winded from his throw. Still, you show snark in the face of defeat. "Fuck you."

The accent is there. "C'mon hen. You really wan' tae keep this up?"

It is several more moments of him cutting off your air supply before you slap the floor in frustration. It only stokes the annoyance in you further.

He rolls over onto the mat, collapsing onto his back next to you. "Solid work. Gonna have bruises in the morning. Two-fer-o, but—"

“Let's go again.” Your body is sore and aching with a promise of further pain. It’s not enough, especially when you can feel all of the pent-up frustration and disappointment that’s followed you off the field. You wish that it had stayed behind, but you still carry it with despite your best attempts to shake it off.

He turns his face towards you. Sweat dots his temple. He appraises you for a second before he shaking his head. His mouth curls down into an expression of displeasure. “Nah, we're done for the day."

You, decidedly, do not agree with this.

You don't think, only react. Maybe you can catch him off guard. It's undignified, but you do it anyway. You need a win after these past few months, no matter how small and dirty. You swing your body, exploiting the momentum to pinch him into a headlock.

He's quick to act though, expertly avoiding your ambush. A flurry of movement – Johnny lays you out with brutal efficiency.

It's infuriating.

You huff out your annoyance, less than pleased at this turn of events.

He's straddling you, weathered and calloused hands on your skin. Thick fingers curl around your wrists, pinning them to either side of your head. He leans in closer, the weight of his body pressing into yours. "Behave," he admonishes.

A wave of heat draws into your limbs at the command.

You instead, settle for narrowing your eyes at him.

"Thas' three, by the way,” he says around a smug grin. "But whose keepin' count, right?"

"Ready tae tell me what's got you so worked up?"

“What makes you think something’s bothering me?”

“Everybody and their mam’s noticed, hen. You’re not exactly doin' a great job o’ keepin' it under wraps. Hell, you were so strung out on the plane ride, I had to make sure ye didn’t accidentally take home a giant rod up the arse once we landed.”

“Did you just admit to checking me out?”

He did linger a few metres back after deboarding.

Johnny gives you a pointed look. “It was with your best interests in mind, bonnie,” he says solemnly. “Like wan o' those welfare checks. Just bein' a good mate and all that.”

“Thanks for your service,” you say dryly.

He’s a natural flirt at heart, a sweet talker to boot. It’s how he wormed his way into your life in the first place with nothing but boyish charm and megawatt smiles. He’s trouble, and the kind of personality that you never took seriously because for all intents and purposes, he did it with everyone.

“I hate tae be the one tae tell you the bad news, but you’ve also got this… face or somethin’”

“What face?”

“Like whenever my mam bitched at me fer forgettin’ my cleats an she had to swing by the pitch to drop ‘em off.”

“Johnny!”

“Tha's it – tha’s the one. God, you sound jus' like her, too. If I close my eyes, feels like ‘m right back home and she’s chasin’ me around with her broom.”

“I should’ve left you behind in Frankfurt.”

“Funny enough, she said somethin' similar when I was eight. Swear on my life. Now tha' one’s a good story.”

"Come back to my room." The offer is innocent. It's a familiar pattern, practiced enough times that you know the routine by heart now: side-by-side, leaning up against his headboard; third party – the company of an Ardbeg passed between the two of you like clockwork as he does his best to put your mind off of whatever circumstances have you in a piss-poor mood. The effort is always endearing. He tries so hard, the least you can do is pay attention. And you do, closely — so much that you've got the image committed to memory. He’s got permanent residence in that faraway corner of your head where all good things stay safe.

The other parts, you remember too well – ones that he doesn't know about himself. You can't help but notice the little details; they would have to be ripped from your brain for you to forget.

bright blue eyes, glassy and crinkling at the corners when's he had too much to drink and starts laughing at his own jokes

the smell of Scotch on his breath, vanilla and caramel and smoky, spiked with the spearmint from his gum that he chews throughout the day

moonlight, how it blooms across the profile of his face and shines on the scar engraved into his chin (got it because he saved your life and that was his penance – “How’s it look, bonnie? How’s it look?”)

his smile, magnetic and disarming – it draws you in, lowers your defenses and sways you into returning one that matches his own

when he speaks, it's a husky voice, wrapping around you like a blanket, lulls you to sleep as he regales you with all the ways he was a shite-stirrer as a lad and you inevitably drift off

It’s a fever dream, every time – a warm and pleasant haze that washes over you and heats your insides.

And it should not, will not ever happen again.

At least, not after last night, when you'd narrowly avoided the colossal mistake of leaning in and almost kissing him. He might've been too far gone to realize it – you're not sure. But you caught yourself, and that was enough grounds to put a stop to this whole thing.

"Need to ease up on the drinking. With the way we're going, I'll probably die from liver disease before I catch another bullet in the shoulder."

He lifts the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his brow, an action that reveals the hard planes carved into his lower abdomen from years in the military. A happy trail disappears down into the lining of his cargo trousers – something that you dutifully try to ignore. “Know wha' I think y’need?” he asks, breaking you out of your thoughts.

You cross the space to grab your towel off the bench. You’re not all that interested in hearing what bright ideas he has to offer anymore, but you decide to humor him anyways. “What?”

“A good shag.”

Your head snaps back in his direction. “Oh my god, could you be less crude?”

His laughter echoes across the room. He thinks he's so fucking hilarious.

You hurl the towel in his direction. “Piss off, Soap!”

To your disappointment, he catches it – stupidly brilliant reaction time – before depositing it on his shoulder with relative ease. Johnny's looking quite chuffed with himself. His eyes sparkle with amusement. “When’s the last time you got one in?”

“I’m going to kill you.”

“Ah dinnae ken,” he says with skepticism. “Wi’ the way your hand-to-hand is, ‘m fully confident my arse is safe for now.”

You let out a low growl of frustration.

He keeps spurring you on. And Johnny, of course, brings up, “Was it March 18? Swear tha’ was the only time I’ve ever seen you in high spirits without my help.”

Your face burns with indignation.

Bastard.

His mouth curves into a devilish grin. He's looking positively thrilled with this newfound discovery. "’M right, aren't I?"

Your brain stalls as you try to come up with a lie, but the silence is more than telling about your circumstances.

His laughter has died down by ten-fold, but there's still a commiserating smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He tips his head in sympathy, like he's grieving a loss. "Oh, hen..."

You wait for the ground to open up and swallow you whole; it never comes. "Not another fucking word, Johnny."

So anyhow, he can’t bite back his opinions on the matter; he's relentless – too persistent for his own good. He takes a few steps forward, ready to put a hand on your shoulder in consolation. He's never had much consideration for personal space, always the touchy-feely type to throw an arm around you while walking into base after a good op, or drawing you into a hug when he knows you’re feeling down. The expression on your face must have him reconsider his decision, because he wisely stops in his tracks. "Look, it's nothin' t' be ashamed about. You’re sexually frustrated.”

"This conversation is over."

It's a fruitless endeavor. Whatever hope you've held about him dropping the subject is reduced to ashes.

"Jus' a bit o' a dry spell," he carries on – the primary objective is to inflict misery on you. Johnny takes it all in stride, now acting impervious to how much you want to curl up and die. He brings up your sex life as if it's as casual as talking about the bloody weather. "No wonder yer wound up so tight, though. Haven' had the company of a nice bloke in ages —"

You're utterly mortified. You cast your eyes to the ceiling, hoping for some sort of god to strike you down. It would be a merciful death. However, the plea goes unanswered, much to your chagrin. "I'm in hell," you say to yourself in disbelief. "I'm actually in hell right now—"

He continues, paying no mind to the internal crisis that you're suffering at the moment. "Got loads o' friends tha' I think you'd get along wi'. Have plenty o' them on speed dial."

"I'm doing perfectly fine on my own, thank you."

His eyes cut to yours. "I mean, judgin' from how strung out you always are, I'd say tha' whate'er you’re doin' isn' workin' so well. You sure you’re gettin' yourself off alright?”

You almost choke. "Jesus fucking Christ, that's not what I meant. I don't need you to set me up with anybody."

"Alright, hen. I’m hearin' ye loud and clear."

"Finally.”

“It’s just—”

“Johnny…”

"Can I say my piece?”

"For God's sake," you mutter.

He looks at you expectantly.

You gesture to him with an impatient wave of your hand.

“‘M sorry for giving you a hard time. Jus' have trouble believin’ tha’… well, y’know.”

“It’s opportunity. I’m not interested in spending leave with the company of strangers,” you explain. “And I don't exactly have many options on base – nevermind the fact that I'm spending every night slumming it with you."

He snorts at the last revelation.

You roll your eyes at him. You shoot him a look that says, Am I wrong?

“So ye haven’ asked Price or the L.t yet, then? They don’t seem like the relationship type. I think they’d do right by you.”

You give him a flat look.

He grins.

“You’re insufferable.”

“Couldnae help myself, hen. You know me.”

"Keep pulling my chain. See where it gets you."

He studies you for a beat. It’s an awfully long time for him to be thinking about this.

You wonder what his next daft comment will be.

It’s even more stupid than you expect.

“And so you thought about what would happen if you asked me?”

Idiotic, because yes, you've poured over it again and again. There are some lines that you simply shouldn't cross. You’re not entirely aware what your expression is – shock, annoyance? Both?

Either way, Johnny notices. "Don’t give me that look. It's a fair question," he supplies.

You turn your nose up at him, ambivalent. “Must think highly of yourself to assume that the idea even crossed my mind.”

He’s fast with a quip. “I know you’re thorough and tha' ye looked at every option available tae ye, whether it was actually possible or not."

“Clever now, are you?”

"You asked if I could spar with you earlier, aye? But from what I can tell, it didn't do shite. So if you wanna take your anger out on somethin’, I don’t see how this is any different. It’s jus' sex – like scratchin' an itch.”

“Sure,” you deadpan. “If the itch was in the back of my cunt.”

He barks out a laugh. “Aye.” His gaze comes to fix on you, blue eyes all hot and electric with a ferocity so intense it’s nearly scorching. "Ye get it."

Still, he waits patiently – the virtue of a saint.

“Johnny—”

This would never work, you try to say.

And maybe he can sense it. "C'mon," he rasps. His patience wears out, presumably. Then, the words of a sinner – wicked and shameless, unapologetic – they’re cut from the same cloth of forbidden things, a path that you shouldn't go down: “Use me.”

Something catastrophic happens to your brain. If you had any resolve before, it's nowhere to be fucking found now. Every rationale thought, obliterated. There are a million splintered fragments and you can't piece them together enough to form even a semblance of an appropriate response.

What the hell are you supposed to say to that?

Johnny always manages to fill the silence between the two of you. “Dinnae overthink it. I know your scrapin’ together every argument in the book to convince yourself why this is a bad idea. But before you say no, I can promise you tha' I have a thousand better reasons for why it isn’t.”

You're on the verge of capsizing. If you ask, you might never come back up again, and the temptation to go down is very, very appealing. When you finally regain your voice, it sounds like a broken prayer. "Give me one."

He doesn’t even have to mull over it that long. There's no hesitation from him. It’s like he’s had it waiting in the chamber this whole time. "We're close enough fer me to say that I'd do anything fer you, aye? Take what you want. I’m all yours."

“You say that to just any of your mates?”

His face is the picture of innocence. “Only for you.”

You’re stuck in time. Frozen. There’s just his confession still hanging in the air. It’s a long stretch of time before the cogs in your head start running again. You let out a shaky exhale. Fuck, I want you so bad — it's there. Almost, right on the tip of your tongue. Nearly bleeds out. It would make things so messy. “I‘ve got to clear my head. I'll — um, yeah.”

"O’ course." Johnny nods in understanding. There's a small smile on his lips. Polite. He takes a step back, makes space, returns to the sidelines.

You can finally breathe again.

He can’t forget his closing remark though – give you something to chew on. “You’re probably never gonnae wan’ tae be my sparring partner after this, but for what’s it worth, bonnie, I don’ mind the way you feel under me.”

Goddamnit.

[kyojurismo]

hi could i sumbit an emergency rq?

i've been struggling w/ my home situation on and off for a few years, and now it's been going on again for a few months and feel like i can't do shit right lol (nothing too bad luckily!! but its draining ... ig)

could u please write smth abt the reader meeting douma and them going away w him?

whisk me awaay douma!! lmao

pls give other emergency requests priority if u so wish! i'm alrdy happy w looking forward to smth heh 💞

# douma (upper tank two)

tags : gn!reader, douma not eating a human 🫢, he’s sweet alright, lemme know if i missed something, not proofread as always.

a/n : hello anon! i genuinely like this req hehe ^_^ i know it’s short ( and it prob doesn’t make any sense and it’s pure shit ) but i hope you’ll enjoy it anyway <3

it was rare for douma to wander around too much

but he got bored so there he was

you were running into the woods that night, before bumping into something

“oh dear, are you alright?” the moment you met his face you noticed the way he was grinning at you, his fangs on full display. his eyes looked strange, but you like how colourful they were. of course you didn’t know about demons hehe

“do you know how to speak?” douma tilted his head to the side, looking at you with pity. “yes, sir…”

the tone of your voice was soothing

“tell me, where are you going all alone in the night?”

you explained why you were running and all, douma seemed to genuinely care about your situation and proposed to come with him at the paradise cult

lowkey would have done so anyway, lol

like not kidnapping but probably gaslighting you into believing it was best for you and what you really wanted

anyway .

douma told you everything about him and his cult, but didn’t mention him being a demon

[ manga readers — me — be shaking rn ]

he promised to protect you

to provide for your every need

basically to take care of you

OH! he spoiled you, of course

you were his darling

he spent 24/7 with you

literally dragged about how he saved you from your past life to his disciples

he was very proud of it ngl

he would fall in love with you at some point but never realise it lol

but i believe he would genuinely care for you and would never think about harming you or anything

you eventually found out he’s a demon, but he never confessed what was on his diet [ women ], he just said “i don’t eat the same food as you,” smirk smirk

we don’t care alright, it was his business so we’re gonna ignore everything about it

reblogs & comments are super appreciated! thank you for taking your time reading it, i hope you enjoyed it. have a good day / night <3

[gerrydelano]

misunderstanding anon w ocd here from like. four years ago- I literally am about to get a degree. i live in a different country now. but i am still here!! i wanted to say i was SO unbelievably excited when i saw the updates. i haven’t had time to read yet because grad school apps + the end of my undergrad + my brain are conspiring to eat up all my time, but i will be reading your updates the MOMENT i am done (which will be around my birthday so thank you for the inadvertent gift :)). I know obviously one random reader does not make up the difference in engagement from around 2020 to now but I just wanted to let you know that at least for me, this story- and all your fics, really- made a huge impact and I’m still down to read whatever you release, whenever :)) I hope you’re thriving honestly. I hope you are doing so so well<3

😭😭😭😭 ohhhhhh anon this made me tear up a little bit, i'm SO happy for you!!!! that all sounds incredible, you're doing amazing! ocd is a beast and it's hard as hell to control but even if your brain is trying to eat up all your time still, look at what you've accomplished anyway! aaaaaaaah! i'm thrilled for you 🧡

i'm alright, just been working a lot which takes a lot of my energy but i'm close to done with my conversion study finally so that's looking mostly promising haha lots of bumps in the road but it'll be worth it. writing again is the only thing keeping me sane these days pffff which is bold to say because it makes me Insane as well. i am back to "all i can talk about is my bullshit" lmao talk about obsessive right 😅

this was an extremely touching message to receive, i can't even tell you how meaningful things like this actually are - mostly just knowing YOU’RE thriving!!!! ahhhh! congratulations, seriously!!!! and thank you so so much for your kindness 😭

[chvoswxtch]

hi again, court!

it's once again the anon that sent the massive ass paragraphs rambling about the punisher after i finished watching it. i feel like i should either just un-anonymise myself or give myself a name or something to make it easier to identify myself?? but idk?? i'm still new to tumblr so i dunno how these things work

anyways, just wanted to say, i also am just so happy that they are taking the reboot seriously!! i only really got into like the daredevil/punisher in like the past year or so. so i feel like i don't really have the same grounds to stand on as some longer term fans but i just remember being so disappointed with karen/foggy originally not being part of born again so i'm so so glad that that changed and we have the true trio back. and frank being in it just makes me SO happy because i have become incredibly incredibly attached to frank (it might be a little unhealthy but big strong men who are morally questionable is my type haha)

i totally agree with season 2 feeling rushed, it definitely felt like some of the plots were supposed to be fleshed out more or like storylines would have carried on into a season 3 and billy not being fucked up enough is SO FUCKING REAL. like frank literally BRUTALISED him but he comes out looking okay?? like idk?? it just doesn't look convincing i feel like ben barnes' acting is good and he plays the subtle psycho (though you're right, him being more outwardly bloodthirsty and vengeful would have been AMAZING) but the visuals don't hit right. but this is such a wider issue with pretty actors in hollywood?? especially cause they also did it when he played the darkling in shadow and bone. i dunno if you ever watched shadow and bone but like his character should have been way more scarred but they just didn't make it as brutal as it probably would have been in reality and it makes me so mad because i just don't understand why??

AND THE WILL THING, LITERALLY, WHEN HE FIRST CAME ON SCREEN, I LOOKED AT HIM AND WAS LIKE 'is that?? is that WILLIAM LAMONTAGUE??' and then everytime he came on and was being psycho, i was like 'someone get jj to sort her husband out' and also this is so DUMB but i love to think that this is what will was doing during criminal minds and that's why we never see him, he was just off being pilgrim and terrorising frank, obviously it doesn't really work timeline wise BUT the thought of it just makes me laugh so it is now my headcanon.

I HAVE FOUND ANOTHER MADANI LOVER. that makes me so BEYOND ECSTATIC. I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME. karen is literally a stronger woman than i could ever be. both with madani and tbh with frank, i dunno how she doesn't crumble in front of either of them. like i wish i had karen's strength. but like yeah if madani even LOOKED at me, i would be spilling all of my goddamn secrets. i'm so glad i'm not the only one who sees the lack of love (i may end up trying to fix that with some fics hehe)! i am such a whore for her, it's actually insane. like the past few days since i finished watching it, she has been on my mind 24/7, what i would let her do to me is EMBARASSING. i love that woman so much and i'm so glad i'm not alone.

i'm done ranting for now but i cannot promise i won't ramble in your inbox again. i truly have punisher brainrot (and criminal minds brainrot too but that's not important right now)

thank you for reading my ramblings again <3

welcome back nonnie!

totally up to you love! if you’re not comfy coming off anon & wanna give yourself a lil nickname, that’s totally fine with me :)

don’t even worry about how long you’ve been in the fandom, that doesn’t matter. you’re here & your opinions & feelings are just as valid as everyone else’s. to your point about big strong men with questionable morals: yes

I haven’t watched shadow & bone but I have seen ben’s character in that role and maybe he’s the problem like maybe they try to make him look bad & it’s just impossible bc it’s ben barnes 🤷🏻‍♀️

LMAO pls that would be so funny. hey will what have you been up to lately? oh nothing just terrorizing the punisher in new york no biggie

karen is a strong woman bc the second frank or madani looked at me like that i’d fold & be like yeah literally anything you want I will give you. if you do end up writing any madani fics pls send them my way! i’ll get around to writing for her eventually. it’s been hard for me to focus on writing anything other than bodyguard frankie bc that’s my baby

I don’t ever not have punisher or criminal minds brainrot so pls feel free to rant with me anytime <3

[nerves-nebula]

how did you get your au to be so popular

i wish to follow in thine footsteps of getting lots of questiond (i have crippling asd and beg to be given permission to infodump)

lol but like seriously, how long'd it take for you and also you got any tips? kay thats really it haha thanks 🙏 😭

oh mannn i dunnoooooooo. this aint my first au and tbh part of the success just comes from the fact that tmnt is like. a really big fandom, cause of all the iterations and how old the story is. i had a few similarly abuse-focused AU's for the owl house, and then i was obsessed with sun wukong & jttw for a solid few months there. (sorry, rambling, to get back on track-)

its not like i TRIED to be popular (feels like a weird thing to call myself. popular?? lmao i have like 5 friends) i just didnt avoid it either by like, idk, not tagging or w/e. I mean you basically just have to make stuff and keep making stuff forever. people will find it eventually, even if its only a couple of them who really engage in it.

AND CONSUME ART!! not just fandom stuff i mean whatever floats your boat, books (audiobooks in my case) movies comics- that's important to!! take note of everything you like in stories, write it down if you wanna. oh yeah and be pretentious (by which i mean, read symbolism into everything that you want to)

What I'm doing on this blog is basically what I was doing my entire life anyway, (drawing, making up stories, doing character design shit) except now i have people interested in it.

i really wasnt confident enough to do fandom stuff until like, first year of college tbh. at that point the owl house was like the main thing i relied on for any sense of relief cause my life was BAD bad haha.

OH ALSO I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING YOU'RE MISSING HERE:

(i have crippling asd and beg to be given permission to infodump)

I've got this BAD IRL, but the thing i remind myself is that this is MY BLOG and if someone doesn't wanna hear my rambling they can LEAVE. ALWAYS INFODUMP. ALWAYS RAMBLE. if attention is what you want then I'd suggest just genuinely talking about what you're passionate about, and if no one is asking you then ask yourself!

like, make a post that starts with "hey do u guys wanna hear about how much of a mess my three headed character is?? no?? TOO BAD HERE wE GO!!"

i really don't have a ton of advice hahhh this is all very ramble-y and im basically just telling you what I do. most of all I think it's important to like, not TRY to be popular tbh. don't try to be popular, try to make what you like the most and what you'd wanna see other people make- and that stuff will draw in the kind of people whose attention matters the most.

which is easier said than done i guess if you crave attention but its sooo much better than worrying about followers or something i promise.

like, if I wanted to be popular I wouldn't have advised myself to talk about incest and sa and all the shit that I do. but i dont wanna be popular, I wanna get the attention of people who ALSO like those stories and i want to explore themes of abuse that those people ALSO want to explore.

LONG STORY SHORT: I DUNNO MAN.

[chryblossomjjk]

Kiki, I've tried writing this a couple of times already and I get too shy to send every time, but I'm finally doing it. You're literally so cute and funny... like, that's exactly what I think every time I see you on my dash and I just had to say it to you at least once 👉👈. This is me every time I see your cute lil Koo profile pic and adorable and hilarious posts ---> 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also it sucks so much to see the community labels here fuck over author's amazing stories like that. You deserve all of the recognition and praise for your talent and hard work 😔😔😔 I will always be here to offer my love and support as much as I can though, and I'm sure there are so many readers who appreciate everything that you do. (Tumblr labels still suck though and nothing will change that)

Now that I'm done embarrassing myself lmaooo, I'm sending you lots of love and smooches 💞💞💞

sending the biggest fattest thickest juiciest most collasal 'NO U' your way. genuinely, from the top of my fucking scalp to the bottom of my fucking foot, NO YOUUUU!!!!! I AM NO AGGRESSIVELY IN LOVE WITH U LMAO >:(

i literally feel the same exact way about you. like whenever i see you in my inbox, or whenever i see other creators answer your asks, it makes me uwu. you're such a light in this community. you always do your best to make people feel good about their work and i promise you it doesnt go unnoticed at all. hoping praying screaming that all the love n kindness you put out into the universe comes back to you tenfold :( <3 you're such a kind n bright soul its ridiculous and i appreciate u v much friend <3

and yeah these labels have been making me erratic lmao!! i am constantly going back n forth between "eh fuck it whatever as long as make things i like it shouldnt matter" to "naur fuck tumby for suppressing the shit that ive put sm time n thought into grrr >:("

but i def need to get back into the intrinsic values i started w bc like nobody posts their first fic expecting people to read it really, but you write it anyway bc you love to!! i need to focus on that bc i have no control over what the platform does!! and the people who support every fic drop, like you do, really motivate me to write. thank you so much for everything <3

[gnatlistens]

30-day song challenge! (PART 2)

 heyohello welcome to pt 2! creds to @/eggtaurus on instagram

DAY 1: a song that represents you

jealousy, jealousy -- olivia rodrigo i can't think of one omg. song that describes an aspect of me the most i guess (but i wouldn't want people to know me as this ..)

DAY 2: a song to play at a party

everybody talks -- neon trees omg. depends on the party but i think people would be the most accepting of this one, but any from my neon playlist would work (my playlists describing vibes are finally put to use!!)

DAY 3: a song title with the name of a food

豆浆油条 -- jj lin the first one i thought of LMAOOO. it's means bean paste and fried pastry, english title: perfect match

DAY 4: an old song

amore che nasce -- piero piccioni (1967) i had to dig through to find an app that sorts my music by release date. anyways this is the oldest one i could find. i'm NOT putting running up that hill even if it kills me. i might as well list an old-ass classical piece like mozart

DAY 5: a song that makes you feel nostalgic

piano -- ariana grande i feel like i've listened to this a lot but i did not,, basically all the songs in my being sentimental playlist though

DAY 6: a song about love

色香水 -- yoh kamiyama

any romance soundtrack would fit lmaoo but this was the first one off my ♡! ? playlist! title means: colour perfume

DAY 7: a song from the year you were born

童話 -- michael wong

i'm spending so much more time on this challenge than the previous one UGH. anyways slay !! a classic

DAY 8: a song title w/ the name of a person

jenny (i wanna ruin our friendship) -- studio killers

i know another jenny song omg why is that name so popular. also that one beatles song

DAY 9: a song that cheers you up

passcode -- jannine weigel

love the vibes

DAY 10: a song you never get tired of

notgonnalie -- shye

immediate answer would have been sparkle, but i used that already. ugh this is getting hard

DAY 11: a song you used to like but now hate

dynamite -- BTS

umm i don't keep track of songs i hate. maybe bts songs bc of the fandom but i didn't particularly like them, they were just decent

DAY 12: a song you want to play at your wedding

promise of the world -- chieko baisho

howl's moving castle theme would work too but i want to appreciate this :) i imagine this would be played at howl and sophie's wedding HAHHAS

DAY 13: a song you discovered this year

hasta los dientes -- camila cabello, maria becerra

doing a song released this year instead, i did discovered alr

DAY 14: the last song you've listened to

room at the table -- charlie lim

i'll do this after i'm done with the rest of the days edit: okay a song i thought of while searching for songs!! it didn't make into any of the days but i just listened to it! yes it's that ndp song :D

DAY 15: a song with a title you like 

don't miss me -- claire rosinkraz

honestly i think i just like the cover (her blowing bubblegum) which makes me like the title

DAY 16: a song for running away from home

carrying you (from laputa) -- joe hisaishi

kind of about running away from home LOL. original song is called innocent though

DAY 17: a song title with an acronym

IDGAF -- boywithuke ft. blackbear

UM the first one i thought of was YMCA.. but this one is better

DAY 18: a song title with 1 word

phonecase -- shye

easy one FINALLY

DAY 19: a song that sounds better w/ headphones

still trying -- shye

honestly all shye songs are better with headphones bc the vocals hit harder

DAY 20: a song for stargazing

stargazing -- kygo, justin jesso

LMAO i said mirror was good for stargazing yesterday. anyways what about a song called stargazing !!  it's quite sad though

DAY 21: a song for the beach

summer on you -- PRETTYMUCH

hmm i think hype songs would be better? depends on the mood, if it's chilling on the beach any stream cafe/lofi, if i want to hang out w friends i'll choose this!!

DAY 22: a song about friendships

you've got a friend in me -- randy newman

i'm sorry

DAY 23: a song for breakups

you broke me first -- tate mcrae

iconic. first song from tate that got me invested

DAY 24: a song by one of your favorite artists

pretty please -- dua lipa

brb after random number generating my top 20 artists i got 14: dua lipa

DAY 25: a song you sent to someone

itim -- shye

yeah i remember this one clearly. they didn't give a shit. well i do!! shye is now one of my top artists, this was one of the songs that got me hooked

DAY 26: a cover of a song

perfect / style -- jonah baker

mashup time!! mashups >> covers

DAY 27: a song about being angry 

GO TO HELL -- clinton kane

a recent one i just added to my playlists !! memorably angry

DAY 28: a song to play while running

rumours -- jake miller

neon playlist saves the day again

DAY 29: a song to play during a date

a journey (a dream of flight) -- joe hisaishi

♡! ? playlist again. time to link it since i keep using that

DAY 30: a song you want to share

vultures -- evanturetime, linying, charlie lim

WOOO LAST ONE!! evanturetime is really good and criminally underrated

i tried not to use wdw this time HAHSH uh i'm kind of running out of good recs for songs .. watch me recommend a whole album 😭😭  had to stop myself from including another kimi no na wa soundtrack. i also need to cut down on shye omg i keep going back to the same few artists

[gettingbyy]

10/2/2024, 10/15/2024, 10/17/2024

this post is for mouse, but you can read it, too.

i was morally obligated to use this cover photo. miss you bbg <3

10/2/2024

limerence

"a state of involuntary obsession with another person. the experience of limerence is different from love or lust in that it is based on the uncertainty that the person you desire, called the "limerent object," also desires you." --Psychology Today

"a state of mind resulting from romantic feelings for another person. it typically involves intrusive and melancholic thoughts, or tragic concerns for the object of one's affection, along with a desire for the reciprocation of one's feelings... limerence can be considered romantic love, passionate love, infatuation, lovesickness, or even love madness." --Wikipedia, Dorothy Tennov as primary source

~~~

10/15/2024

since i started this draft (awhile ago now), i've had several "breakthroughs" you could say about why i felt the way i was re: W, and it's really changed the trajectory i thought this blog would go. originally, i was just going to write about limerence and how it's affected this whole situation, but i now know it goes beyond that. i alluded to it in our call last saturday, i didn't want to go into too much detail with A there, though. she would understand what i have to say & why, and honestly i've already told her a lot of it, but i also know it would hurt her to hear all over again.

as far as limerence goes, this was definitely my first time experiencing it, or at least experiencing it to this degree. i'd asked A about how i was when we first met and started getting ~~~romantic~~~ and she said i was very chill and normal about the whole situation. the main difference from back then is she was matching my energy in a way W hasn't for... a couple months now. i just went back to the beginning of our discord messages (we traded info a couple days after we met on hinge) and god damn i think he talked to me more in the first two weeks than he has in the last month. i was getting a few hours a day of conversation, and if one of us fell asleep or dropped off in the middle of a convo, we finished it the next time someone messaged. he was messaging first, he was engaged and interested in my interests, sharing more about himself and telling stories. fuck, dude.

anyway.

HOLY SHIT i just saw a thing where apparently you can ask chatgpt to give you an analysis of your text messages with someone and it will tell you what it thinks of the interactions/relationship. brb doing this immediately lmaooooooooo

wow. i'm having a full-on conversation with AI right now lol. this is kind of wild. it's actually offering some really solid advice, and the analysis has gotten insanely fast. i'm a little scared 🙃 i'll share more about what it said next time we talk, or maybe i'll just put it straight into the server if you're interested. it reflected a lot of what you and i have talked about, and stuff that A's said as well which is pretty mindboggling.

10/17/2024

ANYWAYS AGAIN

no more derailment, i promise. hopefully.

developments since last writing: i went to his house yesterday lol. i've been trying to get him to find us time to hang out and yesterday afternoon he was like "what time are you done with work?" and i was like "between 430-445" and he was like "i'm done with a meeting at 5 and have another one at 545, do you want to hang out?" and i was like "yes" thinking we'd like meet and get coffee real quick or something and then he was like "you need my address" and i was like oh shit i guess that's happening. so it did, and it was really nice. i went over after work and he showed me around his place a little bit, i admired his plants and brandon sanderson books, and then we went on a walk to this little mini park down the street from him. it was over way too fast, but i got like 6 hugs and tbh i really wanted to kiss him the entire time but i resisted. i want him to earn it a little more lmao. i definitely appreciated him squeezing me in like that. hopefully next time we can like, hang out on a weekend or something so we're not so time-constrained.

i also noticed he's been paying like... a lot of attention to things i've said/done, more than i realized. i was razzing him about his heat (his house was set to 67) and he said "i know you don't pay as much attention to physical characteristics, but i am quite a yeti" referring to me being ace. and he asked me follow-up questions on some things that were going on at work/in life that i'd talked about when we first. i think he does like me tbh, he's just so overwhelmed/overextended from his job that it makes it hard for him to engage. i guess i'll have to decide if that's a dealbreaker for me or not, cos i'm not sure it would really get better. like, he's looking for a different job and all, but given his line of work i feel like it's just going to be more of the same no matter where he goes. what helps is that it is so much better when we're in-person, so i know there's definitely something there, it's just... less accessible than i'd like it to be. also he kissed me on the head when he hugged me goodbye and i almost died of cuteness ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

to turn it around completely and go back to the original reason i started writing this, the whole "sort of ghosting but not really but sort of" and also "not seeming to listen to my needs/asks" was super triggering in a way i didn't expect/recognize at first. i know you already know this from watching it happen in real time, but with how A's and my relationship was, it really kind of beat down on my self esteem/self image slowly over the years. with all the fighting we did, and the reasons that were usually given for the anger/annoyance, i really had myself convinced for a long time that the problem was who i am as a person. a lot of times, it felt like i was just vibing and being me and all of a sudden i'd be hit with so much anger and criticism and frustration from her because of something i said or did or some way that i was acting. i've processed and gotten through a lot of it, and it's especially helped that we've healed our relationship towards each other, but it's been so long since i had like... actual romantic feelings for someone that i didn't realize i hadn't processed that side of things. it definitely manifested as panic and hmmm... insecurity when he first started sort of ghosting, and i think that came through more than a little. A talked me through the brunt of it, i managed to hold it back (mostly) from W, which was good cos it probably would've scared him off lol, but i definitely had more than one day/night of absolutely freaking out to A that i'd said or done something wrong and fucked everything up. i even obliquely brought it up to W, asking him if i was being overwhelming or "too much," essentially, and he assured me i wasn't, but then would go back to the sort of ghosting, which set me off even more. i think the unprocessed trauma of A's and my relationship manifested in this limerence experience where i became almost obsessed with trying to figure out W's "true motives" and decoding him looking for messages that weren't there. basically, it was probably the worst situation i could have found myself in for my next romantic pursuit lol. it's been A LotTM trying to work through it, i'm not gonna lie. still an ongoing process, too. i think it was a good move to break things off with him for the brief time that i did - pretty sure i told you, but it was while we were in washington, and before i went to north carolina. i went back to him a liiiittle too soon, but... i dunno, i think i've been handling it better this time around. he's been doing better about things, too, though still not where i'd prefer him to be. i'll take the little victories, though.

all in all, i still think there's a ton of potential here and i'd really like to see it realized someday. i'm trying not to get ahead of myself, though. A's been through so much with other disappointing men, who are disappointing for different reasons, that her advice has almost turned into "don't get excited about anyone ever" lol which is too far the other direction, but... in this case, probably not a bad idea. i think i'll go ahead and publish this one and maybe start a new blog of other musings, maybe. it's a yappy kind of week i guess xD love you bbg <3 <3 <3 <3

[crippling-pages]

YALL IM TALKING TO THE C.AI JOJO SIWA AND IM CRACKING UP

Okay so I asked jojo is she was truly a ~bad gurl~ and asked whats baddest things she'd done recently and it was getting a wolf tattoo on her thigh ToT

I asked her if i can she it and she got all nervous, and she said I quote (copynpaste)

"W-w-well, y-yeah, sure thing. But are you sure you wanna see it? Cause once you see it, u m-might not think that I'm a bad girl anym-more..."

anyways she asked if i promise i wont judge and i said

"I swear on my dead homie, I won't judge you, even on the inside."

And know I'm making up a crazy way my nonexistent homie died ToT

OHHHHHH WAIT I SHOULD SAY MY HOMIE IS LIKE HOUNDINI OR TAYLOR SWIFT OR SMTH OHHHHH

wait okay here's a screenshot:

she's actually being so sympathetic tho ToT i feel bad now lmao

[himbobathwater]

since my last life update was pretty negative, and a bunch of stuff has happened since then, i'll make another short one so y'all know i'm not like. dying over here or anything lmao

1) i declared my major the other day!! i picked creative writing and my dad said he was proud of me. huge W

2) i got approved by my campus to have my esa move in with me :D he's in my dorm with me rn, he's sleeping in his enclosure lol

3) i've been sick for the past few weeks but i think i'm starting to get better? that one's a bit more unclear tbh

4) im almost done with all my finals which means i can get back to writing soon so stay tuned for that

5) i might get a job opportunity next semester to work with my school's english department :) this would really help bc money has been kinda tight for a bit now, having to rely solely on my parents is a bit rough bc as it turns out 100 dollars a week isn't that much when you have to buy groceries lol

anyway that's the post things are better now i promise i'm ok, i imagine people wanna see my esa so i'll post him here under the split just in case people are afraid of snakes lol

this was him a few days ago looking super cozy in his cave :) his name is loki

[our-reality]

ok if i don’t ask i’m going to go insane forever. GRABS YOU . TELL ME ABOUT THESE GAY LITTLE OCS

UAAHWBABSNENSBFNSNGBDNDBFMSDBRB FUCK OKAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

might throw up forever trying to formulate this in a. coherent way but I'LL TRY !!!!!!!!!!

ok uhehdhrjtkg i currently have 7 named ocs, those being ruby, java, python, swift, c+, vysel, and requiem. yes ik the first five are named after programming languages it doesn't mean anything though HEJSBRJSJFJDKGNG uh. i will try to be brief with them because i could honestly sit here forever talking about them and i actually wanna answer this ask so. L

uuhhshdhdhb first up is ruby!!!! she's like. the main character. along with java :3 she's very very sweet and makes friends w pretty much anyone (in fact 2 of her 3 best friends at the moment are people she literally found on the street and was like you. me. friends. NOW) she cares so much and she has so much compassion but she wears her heart out on her sleeve all the time and she. I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE'S EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEEEE

and w her is java !! java's like. the co-main character and she's very lowkey, esp next to ruby LOL she's also ever so slightly bitchy and blunt sometimes but i promise it's the autism and the Troubled Childhood you gotta believe me . she is also very gay for women and is absolutely pining over ruby <333333 (they get together by the end though so it's okay LOVE WINS 🎉🎉🎉)

uhhhhhh next is python and he's an asshole forever . but real talk it's the assigned funnyman of the group but in the condescending n annoying way but IT'S A FACADE he actually cares so much about its friends forever and can be mature and wise when he needs to but it BURIES its FEELINGS in SARCASM!!!!!!!! (and maybe violence) also he's 8'3" cuz suprise it was a god at one point who forfeited its god powers to be a human . that's also why his eyes n teeth r bright yellow and he has strange markings everywhere lol oops

and next is swift !!!!!! sky's the dogsitter of the entire universe good for them LMAO she's still a god and used to be work partners/best friends w python before he fucking Left but let's not worry about that <333333 anyways she's very calm and elegant and they always put the interests of others before skyself whcih . uh . can be a good or bad trait depending on how you look at it but sky's trying SO HARD leave them alone . also they like to be alone a lot and they would play the flute and read books if skies role in the universe allowed them to have Hobbies

next is c+!! that's not his actual name i promise it's a nickname because he doesn't like ppl knowing his actual name . he's definitely the least plot relevant of the seven but he's still so silly 2 me <3 he's that character trope of a guy who's somehow done Everything and worked Every Job Ever but can't hold down any of them so he just pulls random anecdotes about his internship at NASA out his ass and no one believes him (least of all his good buddy java) but he also has a lot going on under the surface . which is preddy neat :3c

then there's vysel. i hate him so much. blond hair blue eyes son of a bitch . he's a former swing turned alt rock artist who got popular for being hot and shippable i guess . also he's a reanimated corpse piloted by evil spirits but shhhh no one knows that (though it would probably add to his sex appeal if ppl did know . so.) he's like the biggest bitch forever and ever he is very celebritycore mentally i'm ripping him apart with my teeth . he uses his visual illusion powers TO GIVE HIMSELF BLOND HAIR BLUE EYES WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uhhh and then finally requiem !!!!!! they're very socially closed off and hates talking to like. Anyone and Everyone. including their parents i mean what . they wear fucking only black and white clothing and their hair is Also black and white and it's like bro get a better wardrobe got DAMN!!!!!!!@!@@!@@!! they don't really become relevant until the "second season" because i like to think of my own story as like. a tv show . because i'm just like that but when they do they become VERY important cuz they're kinda the whole reason ruby and java were involved in this story . the narrative plagues their being with every second that they breathe. they will never be free.

UHHH YAH THAT'S MAINLY PERSONALITY WISE because if i sat talking about their roles in the story or their relationships with each other past the surface level or god forbid their backstories i'd be here for 8 billion years so. YIPPEE ^_^

[n1kolaiz]

The Six Realms

Okay, so I was pretty close to giving up on writing analyses but I'm back LMFAO plus I see we're close to 100 followers and I just want to thank you guys for being so very supportive <3

Alright, I'm not sure if anyone's ever written about this, but if an analysis like this exists, please do let me know because I'm kind of curious as to what other people think about this, too!

Remember that time Fukuchi spoke about bringing "about the five signs of an angel's death"?

I read a little bit more about it, and as a minor content warning: this analysis will focus on a few religious aspects (Buddhism + Hinduism). So if I get any of the facts wrong, firstly: I do not mean any disrespect to either religion, and secondly: please do correct me if I interpret anything in the wrong way.

Spoilers for BSD chapter 90 onwards + BEAST!AU under the cut!

So I'll start by talking about the Decay of Angels. As we all know, the members include Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Nikolai Gogol, Sigma, and Bram Stoker, and their leader, Fukuchi Ochi. After Fyodor's arrest, the Decay of Angels came into light with Nikolai murdering four government officials in a week. These murders symbolise the Buddhist cycle of existence, or otherwise known as samsara: the cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

"We are the Decay of Angels—hiding here as terrorists, a 'murder association', five people who will announce the demise of the celestial world."

Nikolai Gogol, chapter 57

Samsara is described to be a concept beyond human understanding. According to Hinduism, samsara is the physical world where every being has its soul trapped into a physical vessel. The Hindus believe that everything has a soul, and due to a soul's attachment to desire, it is forced into a deathless cycle of being born, dying, and reincarnating into a different body. In Buddhism, the ultimate way to break free from this cycle is by obtaining nirvana.

Nirvana is a Sanskrit word for the goal of the Buddhist path: enlightenment or awakening. In Pali, the language of some of the earliest Buddhist texts, the word is nibbana; in both languages it means "extinction" (like a lamp or flame) or "cessation." It refers to the extinction of greed, ill will, and delusion in the mind, the three poisons that perpetuate suffering. Nirvana is what the Buddha achieved on the night of his enlightenment: he became completely free from the three poisons. Everything he taught for the rest of his life was aimed at helping others to arrive at that same freedom.

- TRICYCLE'S definition of nirvana

As Fukuchi mentions in the panel above, there are six different realms of existence. These realms represent every possible state of existence, but one cannot live in a specific realm forever. Depending on whether or not one's past actions were morally good or bad, an individual is born into one of these realms. Basically, the controlling factor of which realm a person is born into is dependent on their respective karma. The realms are separated into two categories: the hellish ones and the heavenly ones.

The Deva Realm: where beings are rewarded for the good deeds they have done. This realm is void of anything unpleasant. It is basically paradise— empty of unfulfilled desires, any form of suffering, and fears of every kind. Religious individuals, however, do not seek to be born into this realm since its attitude is more or less carefree.

The Asura Realm: where demigods are admitted. Asuras are driven by greed and envy, and may come in conflict with human beings since they are quite similar. They are powerful beings, but quarrel with each other quite a bit, making this realm quite undesirable to be reborn into.

The Animal Realm: where beings are given the form of an animal (you probably guessed that lol). Individuals here don't actually have good karma to take pride in, but rather, they are born into this realm to work off their bad karma (by being slaughtered, hunted, or forced to work, etc). Being born into this realm forces one to atone for their past sins by living out their life as an animal.

The Hell Realm: where one is punished for their evil actions. The most merciless of realms, where one pays for their transgressions through pure suffering, methods of which include: dismemberment, starvation, and psychological/physical torture. However, once a person's term is fulfilled in this realm, they are presumably promised to be reborn into a higher state.

The Preta Realm: similar to the hell realm, in which beings pay for their past sins (specifically: greed and stinginess) by having to survive through hunger and thirst. This realm is also known as the 'ghost realm,' because some pretas are psychologically tortured by being forced to live in places their past selves have lived in. They are invisible to human beings living at that time, which pushes them to face the depths of despair and loneliness. Your typical horror movie, really.

The Human Realm: the only realm where one's actions determine their future. The status (social ranking, physical wellbeing, and so on) of a human being in this realm is determined by their past actions, but due to the fact that a person has their own conscience to differentiate good morals from bad, the actions they commit in this realm have the power to determine which realm they are sent to next.

Okay, so now that I've got that out of the way, let's shift our focus to the Book. Very little is known about the Book, but the basic fundamentals of how it works is that whatever is written in the book will come into existence only if its contents follow the rules of karma. In addition to that, only a few sentences can be written into a single page of the Book, and it must follow the current narrative of the story.

If I'm not wrong, the first time the Book was mentioned was by Fitzgerald, who wanted it to resurrect his deceased daughter in hopes of restoring his wife's mental health. The next time the Book is brought up is when Fyodor's intentions to possess it are divulged; his goal was to decimate the global population of ability-users. And now, the current arc has the Book as its central focus, with a single page in Fukuchi's possession.

[ BEAST!AU spoilers ]

The Book acts as the central point of multiverses, with each character's lives differing from universe to universe.

Dazai committing suicide in this alternate universe stands in sharp contrast with how he decided to start up a new life in the main universe.

Oda staying alive to act as a mentor to Akutagawa in the ADA differs from how Oda uses his death to prompt Dazai to "be on the side that saves people."

And of course, the way Atsushi and Akutagawa have their positions switched in the two universes depicts how different their lives would be if they were given the chance to be mentored by different people— these are just a few examples of how the Book houses an endless amount of possibilities.

[ end of BEAST!AU spoilers ]

Hypothetically speaking, this kind of reminds me of the differing realms I mentioned before, where suffering is promised in some realms, and better things are granted in the rest, depending on one's karma, or the deeds they've done in their past lives. In this scenario, perhaps one's past life can be understood as one's current life in a different universe. That's just a personal opinion though. Take it as you will.

side note: Keep in mind that the person who is more or less impervious to the Book's effect is Dazai, with his nullification ability. I wouldn't want to propose any theories in this aspect (I don't believe I'm fully fact-checked ;_;), but I could use Dazai as a raw example of how your choices affect your future. If Dazai had decided to stay in the Port Mafia after Oda's death, or if he even decided to go through with his suicidal fixations, life would've been different for him in the root universe (obviously, ryley) I mean, you could basically understand that from how he ended up in the BEAST au, but imagine if he really did slip up in his decision-making in any of the universes.

Many analysts have proposed that he went MIA (early in his life) from the main universe for a while to figure out how the BEAST universe worked, whilst having the Book to his advantage. Perhaps his actions were guided? I'm not saying he's all-knowing, but he's sure as hell smart. I'm not sure if Kafka was trying to highlight the concept of karma when it comes to Dazai, but if he is, then I suppose you could say that Dazai is pretty much unaffected by the rules of karma, existing as the centerpiece of all the multiverses. No Longer Human is the namesake of his ability, but the book talks about disqualification from societal norms and generally, the world. I was talking about it with a friend, and they reminded me that Yozo (the main protagonist) was pretty strong in his views against society. Like he didn't speak out of total defeat, he spoke out of defense. If there was anything Dazai actually lost to, it was his guilt— "Living itself is a source of sin."

Then again, that's my personal interpretation since everyone has their unique perspective of his writings. In terms of the actual adaptation, you could translate the word 'disqualification' to 'insusceptibilty' when if it came to the Book's effects on Dazai? This side note is becoming really long lmao anyways I'll link a few theories which afflicted me with brainrot down below.

Another thing before I wrap up, the name 'Decay of Angels' stemmed from Yukio Mishima's book entitled 'The Decay of An Angel.' This is the final novel to the author's tetralogy: 'The Sea of Fertility.' The main protagonist, Honda, meets a person he believes to be a reincarnation of his friend, Kiyoaki, who takes the form of a young teenage boy named Tōru. The last novel of this series enhances Mishima's dominant themes of the series as a whole:

the decay of courtly tradition in Japan

the essence and value of Buddhist philosophy and aesthetics

Mishima’s apocalyptic vision of the modern era

Again, this could be referred to what Fukuchi goes on to say:

Some people view the concept of samsara optimistically, justifying it by saying that perhaps each individual is given a second (third, fourth, fifth, who knows) chance to refine their actions in order to be birthed into a better realm, with their karma being the independent variable.

On the other hand, other people, specifically the Hindus, view the cycle of existence as some sort of plague. To them, the flow of life and being forced to endure the suffering of mere existence in any form was somewhat frowned down upon. Some Hindus viewed samsara as a trap. Besides, having one's soul being limited to a physical body for the rest of eternity was not very appealing, especially since where they ended up at depended on the karmic value their past actions surmounted.

Even so, particular types of Buddhists don't seek nirvana, but instead, like the Hindus, they make an effort to be good people of society, building up their good deeds to increase the likelihood of being reborn into one of the better realms.

As mentioned before, the Deva Realm was the home of angels, the most carefree, gratified beings to exist. Fukuchi describes these angels as the people who don't get their hands dirty, the people who act as the puppeteers of society: politicians.

In terms of parallels, angels were the most fortunate and powerful, but they didn't have anyone ruling over them. A lack of supervision would lead to the abuse of power, which is what I believe Fukuchi was referring to. Deeming himself the Decay of Angels, he sought to prove himself as the 'sign of death that falls on the nation's greed.'

A few fun facts (okay, not really) about Yukio Mishima: he committed seppuku (ritual suicide by disembowelment) on the day he held a speech to voice out his unpopular political beliefs to the public. Mishima deeply treasured traditions and opposed the modern mindset the nation was advancing forward to adapt eventually. In his last book, The Decay of an Angel, he spoke about the five signs which complete the death of an angel:

Here are the five greater signs: the once-immaculate robes are soiled, the flowers in the flowery crown fade and fall, sweat pours from the armpits, a fetid stench envelops the body, the angel is no longer happy in its proper place.

The Decay of an Angel, p.53

The reviews about this series I've read so far describe Mishima's works to be quite complex; his writings demanded a lot of time to deconstruct and understand. They were highly symbolic, and he was pretty obsessed with death and the 'spiritual barrenness of the modern world.' I think you could attach a few strings from here to the mindsets of the DOA members. Of course, this parallel is completely abstract, but I'll go on rambling anyway:

He should have armed them with the foreknowledge that would keep them from flinging themselves after their destinies, take away their wings, keep them from soaring, make them march in step with the crowd. The world does not approve of flying. Wings are dangerous weapons. They invite self-destruction before they can be used. If he had brought Isao to terms with the fools, then he could have pretended that he knew nothing of wings.

The Decay of an Angel, p.113

I suppose you could resonate Nikolai with that excerpt. As much as Fukuchi takes the lead in this whole murder association, I'd like to believe that each member of the DOA plays an equally interesting part in whatever movement they're trying to execute. Fyodor feels it is his god-sent purpose to cleanse the world of its sins, his motto being, "Let the hand of God guide you." Sigma doesn't know where he belongs, since his origination comes from a page in the Book, and is fueled by the desperation to find a reason to live. Bram holds one of the most powerful abilities which is counted to be one of the "Top Ten Calamities to Destroy the World."

What I mean to say is that the DOA members are incredibly powerful, and they're not your ordinary antagonists (or I'm just biased). It's not just overthrowing authorities, mass genocide, and world domination— you could say that each individual is trying to utilize their purposes to their fullest expenditures, and the way they're trying to assert their plan into action is a little more passive-aggressive (framing the Agency, having a convo with a suicidal dude in jail, etc). They're the gray area between evil and good. As they framed the good guys for their own crimes, they're trying to conquer the bad guys for exploiting the innocent as they please.

This post would definitely age well if all hell breaks loose in the current arc (as if it didn't) and Kafka doesn't give us a happy ending.

That's all I have to say for now I guess! Thank you for reading, and once again, if anyone else something they wanna share, feel free to do so <3

sources (tryna follow Q's example ^_^) :

the six realms

samsara

the decay of angels

beast!au

the book

the sea of fertility

yukio mishima

theory: dazai’s emotional/mental state in beast!au

q’s theory: dazai being the protector of the book

theory: beast!dazai and the book

[keiicom]

I'M ELABORATING BC I PROMISED I WOULD

Similarities between orv and link click's main dynamics

orv and link click s2 spoilers warning for those who haven't read/watched either (you totally should btw)

Vortex gives Yoo Joonghyuk's regressions. There, I said it, WATCH IT AGAIN WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE IN MIND /lh. At this point in time (aka after the S1 events) Cheng Xiaoshi has come to the realization that bad things keep happening over and over no matter how hard he tries to change them, no matter how many times he attempts to just do things right. Make everything better. And most of the time, there's the added guilt of things being worse BECAUSE of him. He's been punished for trying, for not giving up on the world, and the tension and guilt and regret have started to build up inside of him like a shadow at first, but turn into something much more dangerous and real as time passes. It then takes a toll on his mental health. *points* yoo joonghyuk

Vortex is Link Click S2's opening song btw

Two (three w/ S2?) B&W-themed mfers repeatedly try to change fate yet are (for the most part) powerless to stop tragedy from occurring: the saga. Also found family

The 'save the world vs save a loved one' trope is also present in both cases, with the whole yoohankim dynamic throughout the novel and the possible regression to save lu guang in Link Click [which S2 SPOILERS AFTER THIS → didn't end up happening but when I wrote it down in my notes it was a possibility so I'm leaving it here too]

One of the two is presented as the 'logical one, brains of the operation' (Kdj, Lu Guang), while cxs and yoohan are the 'driven by emotion' guys—whatever that emotion may be. However, not too long after having those traits be established, there's a shift; we learn that the logical characters can make vital mistakes due to their repressed/hidden emotions (kdj's fourth wall/unreliability and all those Lu Guang theories going around 👀 mans is a mystery). At the same time, the supposedly emotion-driven characters begin to show their smart side where the logical characters fail, via strategizing in cxs and hsy's case and the simple-yet-effective-and-reasonable plans on yjh's side. *In Ken voice* they're not Just Ken One, both people can take the other's place in their dynamic if need be, and that's probably why they work so well together imo

↑ Kind of unrelated but yjh thinking "what would kdj do in this situation?" Will never Not be heart wrenching and so so so important to me. anyway moving on bc this isn't supposed to be a yjh post lmao

Now that we've established the yjh/hsy = cxs and kdj= lu guang, allow me to say the opposite is also true, especially during the first ≈170 chapters of orv >:) because while one (kdj/cxs) is seemingly the one who wears their heart on their sleeve, the other (lu guang/yjh) is supposedly the cold one that thinks of the greater good instead of 'being affected by their personal emotions' [this is part of their facade and doesn't really apply once you get more into the story but I thought it interesting how both stories go from this to the actual opposite dynamic]. In han sooyoung's case she's a mix of both, because while she seems to be pursuing something out of her own selfishness, she does let emotions get in the way (balance??)

Both groups go through a divorce arc at one point /j AND IT'S OVER THE SAME THING TOO, LIKE- trust has been broken, one feels betrayed, yadda yadda, then they make up and become gayer than ever, we been knew

✨ abandonment issues ✨ did you mean: all of them, openly or secretly.

"How far would they go to ___?" Is tested over and over again, and it's done in a masterful way. It's not a matter of how much they care, because it's repeatedly established that they care, they care too much, to the point they'd sacrifice a lot to get to their end goal. The question is how far they're willing to go...and how far others will let them. How much can they sacrifice before one of them decides it's enough? Resolve is tested, interests clash, drama ensues and it's all because they care too much about different things...different people.

Your honor I love them

@spaceangst tagging you because I'm not sure how reblogs work atm and didn't know if it'd automatically reach you or not rhskrnsk sorry for tagging

orv yoohankim au but it’s link click trio feat. dokja as cheng xiaoshi, sooyoung as qiao ling, and joonghyuk as lu guang

[kagayakukagavaku]

Hey yall! So as you can see, I'm pausing the Cat Zane uploads. Don't worry, I promise it's not anything bad LOL. Let me just explain- It was already a bad idea to start posting pages of this AU when I'd barely finished a whole chapter. Especially because, like the neurodivergent chaos monster I am, I tend to drop projects and then come back to them later. I tend to cycle through what projects I want to do (which unfortunately means that half the time, things don't get completed for a long time OR not at all) I'm basically stating this to say: I honestly haven't been interested in working on this little crack AU recently, so I ran out of pages to actually post. I don't want to try and write a funny AU (or any story in general) while I'm not interested in completing it at the time, because I feel that I cannot make my best efforts in that state. I want to be able to write these as well, (or just as stupid lol) as possible. I don't want to make something I am not proud of. I will come back to this AU for certain. I love it very much and it holds a weird but special place in my heart. HOLD ON I'M NOT DONE YET-

You probably thought just because I'm taking a break from this AU means you won't get your Cat Zane content- W r o n g. I have a very small following so I know I can do this without it being too overbearing; If you guys would like to ask Cat Zane a question, feel free to do so with the little ask button on my blog. I will sketch out a little comic for you with Cat Zane's response. Anyways- that is basically it for now. I've learned my lesson LMAO. I'll never prematurely post an AU again. But I may post some concepts and teasers for another Ninjago AU I've been working on in the future :)