#ANYWAY i got literally a pound of chicken salad with the plan to put it on a sandwich BUT im just eating it by the spoonful

[immaterial-girl]

chicken salad is sooo good. u guys. have u heard about this

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Logically Speaking: Two

Tony Stark listened to your phone call and frowned. You sounded fucking tired. The kind of tired that needed a vacation and some tequila. He tried not to listen but... well. He hadn’t known it was you. He thought it was an intern or something. He’d never heard you sound like that. So fucking flat.

“No, just tell me how much he owes you,” you repeat. “Of course I can pay it, I’m his payee. I pay all his bills. But I need to know what the bill is.” You pinch the bridge of your nose, “Fine, that’s fine. Send me the invoice and his rental agreement. I’ll get it paid tomorrow. M’kay... yup. Thanks, Rick.” You put your phone back in your back pocket and continue fixing your meal. If you’re pretubed you don’t show it. 

You don’t seem to notice anything at all but the chicken you’re grilling. Tony inches closer, trying to figure out how to broach the subject.

You know he’s there. You don’t care. It’s none of his business and it’s a private matter. You may live in a Tower that has his name on it, but you don’t answer to Tony Stark. You’re just biding your time until Fury decides you served your time. Tony cleared his throat and you glance up. “Yes?” you ask quietly. “So uhh, any plans this weekend?” he asked.

You shrug and look back at the grill. It doesn’t matter and he doesn’t really care. “Want some plans?” he asks. “No,” you say in the same flat tone, “Not with you.” Tony stepped back away from the counter. For being someone that was so good at hyping people up, you were really good at stopping them cold. He’d never seen you be that fucking empty and cold. He left defeated as you assembled your salad. “You’re up, Rogers.” he said as he started trying to find your financial records. He wanted to know whose bills you were paying. What connections you had.

You sat at the table and picked listlessly at your salad. You knew you needed food. You needed to eat. You were due to the training room for your daily round of “training” in 30 minutes but there was nothing that sounded or tasted good. Some people ate when they were depressed. You survived on caffeine and Tylenol. Sometimes ice water. You pushed it away and sighed, standing up slowly and clearing your plate. You really hated this and you honestly wished you were in jail but in jail you couldn’t take care of everyone. The family your powers had torn apart.

You head down to the training rooms and take a spot against the wall. You know you should probably stretch or something but... all you’re going to do is move swiftly out of the way. You have super speed- ish and you can manipulate energy fields. You don’t need to fight hand to hand. You just have to get out of the way. You don’t fight. 

Even as Steve is yelling at you. Trying to make you fight back. Not even after he’s nailed you a couple good times. It infuriates him. He literally cannot handle it. He tells you you’re going to get people killed. That it’s your job now. But you keep dodging, using the “protective interventions” that have been pounded into your head over the last 7 years for your other job. “Grow up!” he barks, “You’re going to get someone killed!” Somehow, in the back of your mind, that was enough. How fucking dare he. He didn’t even know how to use twitter. 

You grab hold of the threads of his energy field and pull. Hard. Whipping him around like a ragdoll for a few seconds. Steve, no matter how hard he tries, cannot fight. Back. He’s stuck, about 9 inches off the ground being whipped around like nothing. Until you fling him to the side and he slides across the mats. You’re trembling and pale but you stay upright. Folding your arms across your chest, “Fuck off, Cap.” You turn on your heel and head towards the doors, pushing them open with a bang. Steve watches you go. He knew you could manipulate energy. He knew you could use it to move things, like the train you tried to stop. But he didn’t know you could whip a person around like that. Steve had been powerless to move until you dropped him like a sack of garbage. He didn’t know how you did it, none of them had ever asked how. It wasn’t anywhere in your dossier, not from the scientists that had done this to you or the testing Fury had done. As he scraped himself off the mats and popped his neck, trying not to feel like his pride had been dinged, he thought it was probably time to find out. Clint strolled across the room, smirking, looking a little impressed. “How’d that work out for you, Steve?” he asked. 

He’d told Steve to ease up on you. That you needed careful handling. “Fuck off, Hawk,” he said stretching. “Language,” Tony gasped, mock scandalized. “Any luck with your digging?” Steve asked with a sigh. Tony nodded, “A lot actually. Her back story is fucking tragic... Like one bad day away from becoming the bad guy tragic.”

“Lay it on me,” Clint said.

Tony nodded, “So... long story short, Mom and Dad regularly did and sold massive amounts of drugs. They’re in jail and she pays their commissary accounts. They’re lifers. And she has two younger brothers. One on the hook for a murder he definitely did and one that’s so fucking fried on drugs he can’t pay his own bills.” Clint whistled softly, “So, it’s fair to say she grew up. Quick. Looked around a bit and said, “Fuck this I’m out?” Tony nodded and shrugged, “Pretty much. I mean, she got in a bit of trouble as a kid but mostly some petty theft. Food. Once some shoes... Not too hard to figure out why. Also not too hard to figure out why no one pressed charges... Small county. People knew who she belonged to.”

“When’s her birthday?” Clint asked suddenly.

“Why?” Steve asked. “I need to know when to stage a bit of a party... And when to avoid them. If we out and out just start giving a fuck about her she’s going to keep shutting us out,” Clint said. “She’s not used to being cared about to start with and she probably avoids us because she learned to avoid conflicts to survive.” Tony snorted, “You really need to stop watching Dr. Phil with Bruce.” Clint rolled his eyes, “I’ll have Tasha start with a girl’s day. See if we can’t coax her out of her room to start with... it’s super not healthy that she stays in there so much.”

_______

Back in your room, you lay on the bed. You’re hungry and thirsty and tired but there are people everywhere and you don’t feel like trying to stay out of the way. You sit up slowly and make your way to the desk. It’s been a month and you can’t hack it. Everything you do is wrong. It makes sense because you aren’t a hero. You’re a time bomb. You could flip at any time. It’s what you were made for. So you start drafting a letter. A letter of resignation. Telling Fury to take you to jail and outlining what you’d like to make sure he takes care of.

Natasha pauses at the door. She knows you’re there. You don’t go hardly anywhere in the tower but here. Unless you try and make something to eat or go for a run. It’s the closest thing to a sanctuary you can find. She’s got some sweet and sour chicken and a coke. It’s awful for you but it’s comfort food she figures. And throwing Steve around like a rag doll probably made you hungry. She knocks and she can picture the look of irritation on your face. You like being left alone. She hears drawers open and close and papers shuffling before the door opens.

“I brought food,” she said smiling a little, “As a thank you for throwing Steve around a little... It’ll make a great youtube video.” It smells amazing but you back away a little. You’re used to being lonely outside of work. You’ve never had many friends anyway. “I’m not hungry, but thank you,” you say politely starting to shut the door. “Y/N,” she said, thrusting it out, “Just take it and you can eat it when you’re hungry. I mean. There’s a microwave.” You take it hesitantly and nod, “Thanks, Natasha.” She smiles a little, “Any time... Do Sam next. He keeps stealing my peanut butter.” She winks and turns to walk down the hall. Leaving you to just eat and watch your shows in peace. She hopes Clint’s right and it’s like feeding strays. That a little food and some affection will go a long way. But she knows at the very least, you’ll eat. Probably before she makes it back to her own room. 

[findmyselfinsidethisbody]

What brought me here.

This is going to be a Hella long post. So buckle up if you're going to attempt reading all of it. OK so, this is the post where I talk about how I gained a bunch of weight, and the excuses I used to stop me from enjoying life. This is where I explain how depression destroyed everything I love, and how I am combating it as well as severe anxiety. This is where I explain how I used food both as punishment and as a way to comfort myself. How I stopped working out because I didn’t feel like I was worth anything, never mind worth putting the effort into. Like I said in my first post, I haven’t always been out of shape. And this is the heaviest I’ve ever been, and the largest. I used to be in fantastic fucking shape. Even as I started gaining weight, I was still really strong. It’s really only been the last few years where I stopped doing things I loved, and that included working out. I was never “skinny”. Ever. And I’ve more than just come to terms with that. I embrace it. I used to hate my body for it, and now I love my body no matter what, because it is still alive after everything I’ve put it through. It is still healthy, although concern trolls love to point out that being fat is hard on your body. Yes, it can be, but I’ve been fortunate. Every doctor appointment has turned out great. My brain is the only thing that doesn’t work properly, and in turn affects my decision making when it comes to the my physical health. Around 20 years old, my depression and anxiety got so bad that I gave up on life. I wasn’t really suicidal, but I wanted to stop existing. And I pretty much had. I stopped going to work, I stopped reading, I stopped swimming, I stopped playing music. I stopped working out, I stopped trying new things. These are all things that I love doing, but I replaced them with binge drinking, and watching Netflix and sleeping all day. I gained a lot of weight, and dgaf. I HATED myself. I was still dealing with the effects of disordered eating habits that I had experienced in high school, and carried into college. I was dealing with traumatic events, and had no coping skills. I eventually ended up in the hospital for a few days before the transferred me to a psych ward in another hospital. They gave me some tools to deal with my shit and sent me on my way. It’s been a long road since then, and I’ve slid back A LOT. Many times. So many times. I didn’t commit to my medication, I changed medication. I wasn’t committed to it as much as I said I was. But I also wasn’t ready to commit, and put the effort in. So it’s taken a long time for me to get to where I am. My mental health is still kind of shit, but this past year or so I’ve actually been making changes and putting the effort into remember my meds, and getting out, and taking care of myself. Part of my self loathing was believing that I was too fat to be loved. By anyone. Including myself. Well then. I guess I should just eat shit. My mother makes amazing food. I credit her for keeping me healthy, and my arteries mostly unclogged. I also had a really delicious healthy meal at the MET in NYC, so there’s that. I tried. And because I stopped doing things I loved, I stopped spending time outside, I stopped trying to skateboard (I’m shit, but I enjoy trying to move forward without dying), I stopped biking, I stopped swimming (I literally dedicated SO MUCH of my self to swimming as a young person, so this still breaks my heart), I quit going to roller derby (again, shit, but I loved the community). I didn’t even take the dog for a walk, I just used the excuse that she had 3 acres of bush to run around at my parents. We are talking about somebody who won 2 bronze medals at NAIG at 16, after being placed in the masters age category. Somebody who swam every day possible for like 2 hours. Somebody who became a lifeguard just be at the pool all day. Somebody who could lift a 250+ 6ft man out of the deep end of the pool at 16 by themselves. I sure as shit can’t do those things today. And I’ve spent the past few years hating that I am no longer in as good a shape as I used to be. I have no idea why I didn’t start doing anything about it before. Maybe I was too busy focusing on getting other shit together, like my mental health, getting out of my home town, etc. But now I’m here. I’m tired of feeling worn out after climbing stairs. I hate that 10,000 steps in a day is a lot of work. I want to swim again so bad. Anyways, up until about 3 years ago, I placed SO MUCH EMPHASIS ON how I looked. I did liquid fasts in high school, I restricted and did weight watchers in college. It took living with somebody who was literally DYING of anorexia before I really started looking at my self and my health. I mean, I didn’t change anything then, but seeing that beautiful soul in the hospital definitely planted a seed in my mind. I hit 300 pounds about a year and a half ago, and the first time I saw the 3 on the scale I cried. I actually spent a good hour just standing in my bathroom crying, wondering what the fuck did I do?? How did I get to that point? Did living with my friend having the opposite effect, where I was scared to die of starvation so I stuffed my face with food? I was so beyond ashamed. It hurt so bad to see that number on the scale. Shortly after that, I decided I wanted to love myself for real. I don't remember what actually changed. I always believed in "fake it till you make it", and thus had a spent all of my adolescence and adulthood thus far pretending that I was super self confident and in love with myself. I think it just finally became real. It didn't happen over night, most of my success happened the past few months. I finally loved my self so much that I moved away from my hometown. I love my hometown, but I love me more. It was time for us to break up, because it wasn't a place for me to grow. I moved out of the first place I lived in here, because I loved myself enough to realize I was being abused again, and I didn't deserve it. I ended relationships and friendships that were toxic because I love those people, but I love myself so much more, and know that I deserve to have healthy relationships. I've gone out dancing, and Pokémon hunting. I'm working at a place I love. Everything is falling into place because I love myself. I love myself, and so I put the work into my life, because I feel like I deserve better than what I've been giving myself. And and some point between the summer of 2015 (my first time wearing a bikini, pretending that I felt Hella confident but relying on super nice comments from friends) and the last month, I've actually started loving myself so much that I fell in love with my body. I love that my hair is a beast. I love that I have my dad's face, but my mother's walk. I love that when I look in the mirror I see a happy face with piercings and brown eyes, and a big bottom lip, and like no nose. Like voldemort, but whatever. I love my boobs, they are squishy and soft, and sit on my belly so comfortably. I love my belly, because it supports my boobs which is probably why I don't experience as much back pain as other women with big tits. My belly is also adorable, and warm, and is a good drum, or really nice to put my hands on when I'm cuddled up on the couch watching a movie and my hands are cold. My arms are great for others to rest their head on. Many friends have rested on them, and been comfortable while watching movies, or travelling or any other reason for sitting side by side. I love my hands. They are my pride and joy. They make music, they write prose, and hold other hands, and make Bannock and I use my hands to pet Charlotte, so they are the most important part of my body I think. Speaking of Bannock I love my flat butt. I plan on doing a shit ton of squats so I have more there, but my flat butt is a source of great joy. It's always made me laugh, I think it's cute. I love my legs. There is a lot of flesh on these short legs. There is a lot of muscle on these short legs. These legs have taken me through Central Square park by walking, and biking. They are super strong, and also squishy, and I just feel like that they sum up who I am so perfectly. Super strong and squishy. But now that I love my body for what it is, it's time to give it what it deserves. Which is yummy healthy food instead of a constant stream of McDonald's and pizza and kraft dinner. I deserve fruit salad, and butter chicken, and the smoothies I used to make that were super healthy and fucking delicious. I deserve strong muscles and feeling accomplished. I deserve to reap the mental health benefits of working out. TL;DR: Now we know how I got here. We know that I am here. Look for next post to find out where I plan on going.

[adrianmariemclaughlin-blog]

7.18

A week after all the traumatizing stuff from Barcelona and I am doing AWESOME! Who knew I could survive without a phone, let alone in a FOREIGN COUNTRY! I’m proud of myself for doing this and I know my mom is probably reading these words cracking up. Hi mom. You’re right, I can live without a phone and I LOVE it! I feel like it’s giving me such a better experience here actually. I probably wouldn’t be able to do it in any other country, but since Prague is so safe and the transportation is AWESOME I’m surviving just fine. I got myself this awesome camera last week in a tiny, cute little vintage camera store I found around the corner from my work. It takes Lomography photos which kind of look like polaroids but normal size. I’ll have to go and take it developed and stuff but that’s cool with me because I think my pictures will be more special that way. The only thing I’m missing is music, but in place of this I am going to make a point to go see more live music around here! Last night, for instance, we went to my favorite bar in the world to see a jazz band. And it was such a magical experience LOL :) I love how the Czech people dance. They don’t have a care in the world and dance like literally no one is watching them. (Picture tall, lengthy skinny people swinging their arms around wildly to no beat and stepping on your toes and jumping all over the place.) Their energy is totally contagious. It’s like this everywhere you go actually. 

I’ve been focusing a lot on my classes and work this week. My teacher let me present later since I missed my flight and accidentally cried in front of him (I don’t do this on purpose but it totally seems to work every time) and I got an A!!! Not bad for being an emotional wreck. Works been going better than ever. I just love the interns so so so much. We all can’t stop talking about how much we’re going to miss each other once this ends in a couple weeks. I had the best time ever with them last week- I actually got in somewhat of a fight with my boss and stood up to him for getting mad at us about not being there when his juicer was delivered to the office (long story, he apologized though and my other czech boss sent me a message going way to go adrienne! because she still can't spell or pronounce my name). So anyways all of interns were like well... let’s go get a drink! So we found this awesome beer garden on top of this hill and then we decided to go on a beer garden quest! We went to all the huge hills here and got a beer at every place. And we just had the best conversations. I love hearing their perspectives on things. I think that’s a huge perk to being on this study abroad program. All my life I have lived in the suburbs and then gone to a college where everyone else is from the suburbs. I don’t get a lot of interactions with people from other parts of the country and we talk about everything from politics, to relationships, to just joking about the most random things in the world. Legit everytime we’re all together all we do is laugh. It’s the kind of laughing where your mouth physically hurts but you still can’t stop. The best kind.

I got to do a story this week on alchemy that is coming out in the next issue! I worked really hard on this one and I think it’s gonna be great so I can’t wait for you guys to read about it. :) I’ve realized my boss weirdly really enjoys confiding in me in things that are super personal and I shouldn’t know but I’ve gotten used to it. He vents to me about the business and asks me for my advice a lot on how to handle the interns and stuff. I just nod my head and try not to get involved. But today he told me I am one of the most hardworking interns he’s ever had and he is so proud of me and that my work has been amazing. Which is actually super awesome coming from him because he’s really picky and used to be a professor in copywriting! I just found this out recently, and I also realized that if I ask him for help he has some really good advice... like today he told me to always read my work out-loud when its finished and if it doesn’t sound like something Morgan Freeman can smoothly read, that I need to make it more concise. He used to be a millionaire and has done so many interesting things in his life and I enjoy listening to his stories for the most part but it is definitely an interesting work environment. That’s for sure.

Other new things? I’ve lost seven pounds since I’ve gotten here. I think all the walking and eating healthy (not having pasta 3 times a day like back in champaign) has been going well for me. I wake up in the morning and eat my new favorite that my Czech boss showed me (a slice of baked bread with butter, honey, and raspberries) and then I bring a salad to lunch (I have a huge obsession for chopped salads with avocados and chickpeas! SOOOO yummy!!) and then for dinner I have chicken or something. AND I DYED MY HAIR BROWN! Idk if I like it or not yet. We will see.

I’ve also started this really awesome creative project. I brought a travel journal here and I made the theme “Things I learned in Prague”. On each page, I scribble something important I learned, a quote I like, something my friends say, or a memory I have. I put a little doodle on each of the pages, too. I even have my friends here write in it so I have something to remember them by. I’ve been bringing that and my new camera with me everywhere so I can just whip them out when I get a little moment of inspiration. This is another bonus to not having a phone. I feel my creativity has totally peaked here. Every single thing interests me it’s so funny. I figured that after a few weeks here I’d stop getting that weird, tingly, happy feeling when I see something beautiful... but it hasn’t stopped. That’s what I love about Prague. It is seriously the best place in the entire world and I hope you all get a chance to come and see it for yourself. I want to save up enough money to come back in a year or two!

I also am still loving my painting class. I legit never thought I could draw anything but stick figures and it’s so cool seeing a painting come to life. I love using the paint too, the mixing process is beautiful because there’s endless possibilities of colors. And my teacher is so insightful, even if he is kind of a crack head. I know my parents are probably reading this and in their head they’re like ADRIAN! Don’t say that. But mom, dad, he is. It’s so funny. He reminds me of my boss at Features that used to start barking randomly instead of using words. He is a genius though, I’ll give him that.

I’m going to write another post in a bit about my trip this weekend to South Bohemia but I have to head over to the phone store to cancel my phone plan and hopefully file for a new phone so I can be greeted by one when I get back to the States.

[zbealer]

December 2016

On December 1st my trip across Guatemala with my best friend continued as we traveled from Quetzaltenango to Lake Atitlán, which is one of the prettiest lakes I’ve ever been to in my life. We left around 1PM and arrived around 5PM. We dropped off our stuff at the hotel then went to eat lunch/dinner. Since Guatemala is so close to the equator the sun always rises at 6AM and sets at 6PM, which means by the time we got done eating it was already getting dark. We decided to walk around a bit before going back to the hotel, which had an awesome terrace, to drink with some friends we had met on the bus to the lake before heading out. That night we got back to the hotel pretty late and stayed up literally all night catching up on each other’s lives. After seeing the sunrise we decided to get some rest. That day we didn’t wake up until the late afternoon then we went to eat at one of my favorite restaurants in San Pedro (the town we were staying at on the lake) and Audrey wanted to do some shopping so I helped her look around for what she needed. I have a favorite spot on some rocks that look out over the lake that I wanted to show Audrey as the sun was going down. In the same spot there were quite a few Guatemalans in their skivvies jumping off the rocks into the lake. After the sun went down we got another bite to eat, hung out on the terrace, then went out for a little bit.

Strolling around the lake

Our new friends

On Friday the second we took a shuttle at 8:30AM to Antigua. We arrived around lunch time and dropped off our stuff at my friend’s house then went to check out some of the old church ruins there. Although Antigua is arguably the prettiest town in Guatemala due to it’s colonial architecture (and construction laws that keep it that way) it is probably one of my least favorite towns due to the amount of tourists and things that remind me of the United States. One thing I was oblivious to until recently was the amount of old church/convent/monastery ruins there – I’m pretty sure there are 9 sites total. If I would’ve known about the ruins earlier I’m sure I would’ve visited them all. Unfortunately, since we spent a good chunk of time in each place.  The first place we went to was an old convent used in the 1700s. I was most surprised by the size of the rooms the nuns had – it was hard for me to get a picture of the whole thing due to how small they were. Apart from that it was cool to see everything so intact – the kitchen, bathrooms, church, and common areas. Afterwards we headed over to an old monastery that was built in 1717 and destroyed the same year by an earthquake. I found it a bit comical/sad that the people wanting to build it solicited money from Spain in order to do so, but were denied because they felt there was already enough Catholic presence in the area and it wasn’t necessary. Their stubbornness got the best of them and they decided to build it anyways just to have it destroyed the same year by a natural disaster. 

At the monastery

The old church at the convent

The nun’s rooms

Inside one of the rooms

Bathtubs

Where they washed their clothes/habits

When the sun had gone down we met up with one of my friends who lives in Antigua, who also happened to have his best friend visiting from a different town. We got dinner together then went back to his house to shower up and get ready for the night and we all went out together. The main two reasons people visit Antigua is because of the colonial architecture/ruins and the night life – the town is littered with bars and clubs, and since it is a popular tourist spot it in probably the safest place in Guatemala to walk around without worrying that something will happen to you. Since it’s only an hour’s drive from Guatemala City many capitalinos (people that live in the capital) frequently visit Antigua to party on the weekend. 

My friend Edwin, Audrey, and I

2 pairs of best friends in this picture

The next day I met up with one of my friends from Antigua early for breakfast before she went to work to be able to catch up a bit before meeting up with Audrey and the rest of my friends for lunch. Audrey and I then took the bus to Guatemala City, as it was our final destination before she headed back to the United States. I wanted to show her the national palace, but we were both pretty drained from the week of traveling so we decided to just stay in the area around my friend’s apartment and chat since she had to be at the airport at 5AM the next day.

My original plan was to leave Guatemala City on Monday the 5th, but my friend Alvaro who I was staying with invited me to a convivio that same day. Convivios are the Guatemalan version of Christmas parties, and they are really common here. There are friend convivios, workplace convivios, and in Alvaro’s case gym member convivios. Obviously I’m not a member at his gym, but that didn’t matter. We went with a group of his friends (some guys from Argentina, two girls from Peru, and a guy from Brazil) who were members as well. I have to say I didn’t expect much, but it was a lot more fun than I had expected – the meal was delicious (with free booze) and afterwards there was a dance (and we were the last ones to leave).

At the convivio

I decided to stay until that Wednesday because it was Alvaro’s birthday, and I wanted to help him celebrate. Since I hadn’t planned to stay three extra days (and I’ve already seen everything I wanted to see in Guatemala City) I didn’t really have much to do. I decided to head to a bookstore to buy a couple books in Spanish to help my vocabulary and reading comprehension. I bought El Colonel No Tiene Quien Le Escriba and El Lustrador and enjoyed both of them. I’ve only read 4 books total in Spanish, but I can tell that with each book I read my need to use a dictionary is decreased every time. Unfortunately my favorite books are non-fiction, which has more complex vocabulary, thus making it a bit more difficult for me to read without using a dictionary. On Wednesday the 7th a bunch of Alvaro’s friends from various countries (Argentina, Spain, Peru, and Guatemala) and I all got together at a Greek restaurant for the ”All You Can Eat BBQ and Greek salad.” I knew to pace myself with the salad, but when they gave me my plate full of nearly two pounds of sirloin, ribeye steak, filet mignon, and longanizas I knew it would be quite the feat. I was able to finish it all, but it definitely wasn’t easy (and I falsely promised myself to reduce my intake of meat for the next few days). Afterwards we all went back to Alvaro’s apartment to hang out a bit before calling it a night. 

Alvaro’s birthday party dinner

The next day I came back to Quetzaltenango and went to visit my friends Margarita and Giulia. Giulia is one of those friends you meet and instantly get along really well, and she’s Italian so I take advantage of any opportunity I have to cook with her. That day we made another “pasta invention,” which consisted of us throwing random ingredients together with some pasta, and it turned out delicious. 

One of my good friends, Maritza, used to work at a café here that is very famous for their mojitos. I knew I would be leaving Guatemala soon, and one of my wishes before that happened was to have her teach me the secret recipe (to which she agreed). When we get together we usually make lunch as well, and this time we decided to make dobladas. Surprisingly despite Guatemala’s small size there are many drastic changes in the climate, language, and foods depending on which region you’re in. The dobladas we made were the “costal” version, whereas they are completely different when I’ve asked for them in the capital. The ones we made consisted of shredded chicken inside a thin tortilla with cream, lettuce, radish, and onion on top.  Simple and delicious. After we got done eating we called up some other friends to come over and hang out with us. Unfortunately I had to work at 9 that night, so I wasn’t able to stay over there as late as I would have liked to.

Lunch & Mojitos with Maritza

The next day I met up with one of my old co-workers from Argentina, Romi. We spent the whole day at her apartment talking since we hadn’t seen each other in quite some time, cooking, and listening to music. I had planned on going to a concert that night with some friends, but unfortunately they backed out last minute. I really miss going to concerts so I decided I would go by myself if I had to, but luckily Romi said she would go with me go I would have some company. Although she had no idea who was playing it just so turned out that one of her friends was an opening DJ, and after he got done he came over to hang out with us for the rest of the show. When the concert ended around 12:30AM we all headed back to Romi’s place and had our own little “after party” while he put on music for us.

At the concert

On Sunday the 11th a group of friends and I decided to have our “friend convivio” at a nice pool/hotel/restaurant on the coast to get away from Xela’s cold climate. We ordered a huge plate of mixed seafood – shrimp, crab, oysters, squid, crappie, and tilapia. The original plan was to take a dip in the pool afterwards, however as we were eating someone mentioned a Jurassic Park themed park nearby and we decided to change our plans. I’m not a huge Jurassic Park fan (and the park seemed to be geared more towards children), but I did enjoy walking around with my friends. Different robotic dinosaurs were scattered throughout the park (which was a lot bigger than I expected) with scientific descriptions of each one next to them. We left right as the park was closing down and headed back to Quetzaltenango, which was about an hour’s drive away. I went to another “friend convivio” the following day, but this time it seemed to be amongst a group of foreigners here in Xela which a few Guatemalans thrown in the mix.

At the pool

“Jurassic Park”

Although I don’t have a “formal” job here in Xela I am usually able to keep myself busy with random side jobs that also help me out financially. On the 15th I had an interview to be a translator for a group of medical students that are coming to do volunteer work for a week at a few different clinics in the Xela area, and to my luck they hired me on the spot. Afterwards I headed over to my old host family’s house to help celebrate my “little brother’s” 16th birthday. Afterwards I met up with an old co-worker from the colegio where I used to work to get a coffee and catch up before I headed to Coatepeque with my best friend, his girlfriend, and her twin sister.

One interesting migratory thing between Mexico and Guatemala is the fact that Mexicans can enter Guatemala with their passport and are automatically given a 90-day tourist visa; however Guatemalans do not have this same privilege. Guatemalans have two options: either apply for a Mexican tourist visa (which takes time, paperwork, and money) that grants them the normal 180-day tourist visa upon entering Mexico, or a “pass,” which only grants them the right to be in the three most southern Mexican states for a maximum of three days. In order to get the “pass” one must stand in line on the Mexican-Guatemalan border with a photocopy of their identification and wait their turn to get everything processed. It doesn’t sound to bad, but they only grant 150 “passes” a day and there are many people that want them.

Vivi (my best friend’s girlfriend) and her twin sister, Fabi, wanted to get their “pass” so we left Coatepeque at 1:30AM on the 16th and arrived at the border at 3AM. Unfortunately there is just as much corruption in this process as there is in the Guatemalan government. First of all there is zero organization (no “line,” no officials watching, nothing) so there are people that “work” at the border that stand in line with no intention to get their pass just to sell their “space” to someone that arrives later that wants to have a better spot in line, thus being more likely to be among one of the 150 granted a “pass,” and they always try to squeeze as many people as they can in their “space” to make more money. When the Mexican officials came to announce they would be opening their doors at 9AM they encountered a huge mess of disorganized Guatemalans fighting each other saying others had cut the line, arrived late, and weren’t part of the original “line.” Luckily the Mexican official had experience and, with the help of some Guatemalans who had been there early enough to see everything take place (like my friend), they were able to achieve some type of order. One of the most surprising things I saw was that a woman and her daughter tried to start their own line close to the front, then the official told them to go to the back of the line, but as soon as the line started moving they literally pushed people in order to cut back into the line they had just been kicked out of. Luckily someone saw it and reported it to an official, who told them to leave.

At the border (Do you see a single-file line? Yeah... me neither)

My best friend and I knew it would be a while before Vivi and Fabi completed the process so we went to get lunch then took a nap in the shade until the were finished. After everything was said and done they spent a total of 6 hours standing in line and 5 hours waiting to get their papers processed in order to get their “pass.” We all then went to Tapachula (a town close to the Mexican border), found our hotel, walked around a bit, then headed to a mall to do some shopping. The Mexican Peso is worth less than the Guatemalan Quetzal so many Guatemalans will go to Tapachula to stock up on groceries at a bargain price. After we did a bit of shopping we went to the movies to see “The Attic.” Being able to understand movies is like being able to understand books for me – the more complex/scientific the plot the more difficult it is more be to understand everything. Luckily the plot of the movie we saw wasn’t anything too complicated, so I was able to understand 100% of the movie.

The next day we got tacos for breakfast at a local market then did more shopping. One thing that really warmed my heart was when my friend and I were waiting on Vivi and Fabi to do shopping when I saw some kids drinking chocolate and eating bread that they had got from next door. I thought it was a little café, but I was mistaken. I quickly apologized to the woman in the house then walked away. Shortly afterwards the same lady came approached us with two cups of Mexican hot chocolate and bread that she had given to us for free.  After our shopping was complete at the market we headed over to Sam’s Club for our last stop. I couldn’t believe how cheap everything was there – luckily I knew I would be leaving Guatemala soon so I wasn’t tempted to load up on groceries. Despite the fact that I didn’t buy much on the way back my friend’s 2-door Toyota Yaris was completely packed with groceries to the point that my leg fell asleep on the way home because of the weird position I had to sit in.

One of my favorite things about Coatepeque is the vibe – it’s a lot different than the vibe in Xela. The best way I can describe it is summers in Kansas where everyone hangs out on their porch in the evenings drinking, listening to the radio, and drinking while their children run around with other neighborhood kids. The people are definitely a lot livelier. One perfect example of this is when we went to the town’s Christmas parade the night of the 17th. The parade didn’t even start until around 9PM and ended around 11. I expected something like my town’s Christmas parade – Mr. and Mrs. Claus, small kid’s dance groups, and local businesses with Christmas floats, but it was nothing like that. Their were TONS of band groups, dance groups, and zumba groups doing dance routines that I found a bit provocative. After seeing that parade I’m pretty sure I’ve seen every sexy Christmas outfit possible. As far as companies with Christmas floats there were very few. I had a great time experiencing it, and I doubt I’ll ever see anything similar in my life. 

On the 18th we got ceviche (seafood cocktail) for lunch and went to the Guatemalan version of Goodwill before heading back to Quetzaltenango. As soon as I arrived I got changed then met up with some friends at a local 1-day music festival they put on every year here called Chusmita. I hadn’t been before but really enjoyed it. Obviously I saw a bunch of people I knew there, which made it even better. There was just one stage, but a variety of artists played – rock, reggae, and soul music were the main events. My favorite part was that the lyrics weren’t what many pop songs talk about – the artists talked about being socially active, feminism, and about knowing what’s going on in your government.

Ceviche

At Chusmita

The next day I went to my old host family’s house to drop off the stuff I had bought for them while I was in Tapachula and to have lunch before heading back to Coatepeque with my friend JJ. I knew I wanted to spend at least one Christmas in Guatemala due to the differences in the culture and how they celebrate it here, so I decided to spend it on the coast with my best friend and his family. Luckily he had the month of December off for vacation so we were able to hang out quite a bit as well. During the week I was with my friend we did a variety of things: we went to the market, cleaned his house, met up with his daughter and one of my old roommates for tacos, got snow cones (there’s a place in Coatepeque where they make my all-time favorite snow cones), watched a few movies, and went to the gym.

On Wednesday the 21 my friend and I walked to some waterfalls called Chibuj nearby Coatepeque because he had told me he really enjoyed them when he went with his boyscout group nearly 15 years ago. We had to hike up a bit to get to the perfect spot between two waterfalls, which wasn’t super easy since there were no trails to guide you. It was crazy because the water was crystal clear, but because it was so deep it made it look like the water was black. I was a bit scared to jump in at first because you had no idea what was under the water, but it didn’t take long for me to work up the courage to do so. Before I knew it we were jumping off rocks and swimming around the place like fish. That night one of my friend’s cousins came over with her husband had we had a churrasco (Guatemalan BBQ) and all hung out and talked for quite a while. That Friday we met up with them again at a country club they’re a member of to have another churrasco along with their family and the family of some of their friends. It was crazy to me that it was December 23rd and I was swimming in a pool in 87 degree weather and barbequing. I had a great time with JJ’s family – we were at the pool for a good 8 hours and by the end of the night everyone was telling me I was now their “adopted cousin.”

At the Chibuj Waterfalls

At the pool

One of the traditional Guatemalan dishes served for Christmas is lomo relleno (stuffed pork tenderloin), which I helped my friend’s dad, Carlos, prepare on the 24th. We first marinated the meat then filled and rolled it up with a mixture of ham, turkey, cheeses, hard-boiled eggs, raisins, and bacon before baking it. My friend and rooomate in Xela, Luisa, who is also from Coatepeque came to pick me up at my friend’s house then we drove to her house out in the country, Before I came to Guatemala I imagined I would be staying in a place like her house – a smaller, simple house without running water in an area with tropical foliage where people cook using firewood instead of stoves. Her mom and I had never met beore (although Luisa had told her quite a bit about me), but she was so welcoming to me. As soon as I got there she offered me a tamale (another traditional Christmas dish) and rompope (Guatemala’s version of eggnog). I then helped her make a fruit punch often served at Christmas called caliente or ponche de frutas. We made a huge vat of it – the ingredients were papaya, two types of apples, pineapple, hibiscus flowers, a natural sugar called panela, and some other fruits and spices typical to Guatemala. Tamales here are very different from Mexican tamales – they are larger, made from a corn base, filled with a huge of pork (with the bone still in), and usually have an olive, plum, and a hot chile added to them. There is also a “sweet” version which is made from a base of plantain and ground natural chocolate. My favorite was the normal, “salty” version. Another difference I noticed at Luisa’s house (which is where more of a traditional Christmas is celebrated) was that they decorated the nativity scene with natural plants found in the area (not the fake stuff we buy at the grocery store). At Luisa’s house they decorated it with pine needles spread around the nativity scene that also covered the front porch, with a tinsel made of small apples strung together to enclose the scene. When it got dark Luisa’s family drove me back to JJ’s house.

The street infront of Luisa’s house

Making tamales

Ponche de frutas

Luisa and her mom

Luisa (one of my roommates), her daughter, and me

Here the “main event” happens at midnight on the 24th. At the moment the clock strikes 12 everyone in the entire town sets off fireworks, making it sound like a war zone. It was so loud I could barely hear what people were telling me. At the same time everyone gives each other a huge while saying Merry Christmas. After everything has died down everyone sits down together to eat tamales, lomo relleno, and a “Christmas salad.” The recipe of the salad varies greatly depending on what region you’re in, but the one we had consisted of chopped apples and celery with shredded carrots in a yogurt dressing. I didn’t think I would like it, but it was actually pretty tasty. The Christmas at my friend’s house was the most traditional because his mom was with family in the United States, but the rest of his close family came over to have dinner with us. After you get done eating it’s common to stay at your house and drink because other family members will come over to visit you after they’ve finished eating dinner. At 2AM my friend, his brother, and I headed to the disco to find that was already completely packed. Luckily as soon as we walked in I saw one of my friends with her cousins and she invited us to stay at their table. That night we danced to reggaeton music from 2AM until the sun came up at 6:30AM, and the place was full the whole time. I had a blast.

Christmas dinner

Christmas 2017 in Coatepeque, Guatemala

My friend, Andrea, and I at the disco

The crew... that forgot to move the bucket of trash before taking a picture

The 25th for most people here is more or less a normal day. My friend, his brother, their dad, and I went over to JJ’s cousin’s house to eat more tamales and lomo relleno with them. After we got done eating we watched the Mexican soccer league final together then headed back to JJ’s house.

That Monday I got a ride with Luisa’s brother, Angel, who just moved into the same house where I’m living in Xela. The next day I met up with my old host family to have a little Christmas celebration with them .

Christmas with my Guatemalan family

On the 28th I took the bus to Guatemala City because I knew it would probably be the last opportunity I would have to see my friends from there before I left Guatemala. Among some of the friends I met up with were Majo and her brother, Juan Diego, who is now living in Mexico City and came back to visit for Christmas. We went to their aunt’s house who put on a little going-away dinner for him then we all went out together. I also saw my car-wash buddies, who were having their own company convivio and invited me to hang out with them. They had grilled a lamb alongside some other meats and a bunch of beer. I had already eaten, but I tried the lamb and liked it a lot. Afterwards we went to a cevichería, which is a ceviche restaurant that normally turns into a bar at night.

On the 31st I met up with my friend Alvaro, who had spent Christmas with his family in Colombia, at his house. I dropped off my stuff there then went got on the bus to to Lake Atitlán. For New Year’s Eve here many people head to the lake, the coast, or to Antigua. We found a pretty neat music festival taking place at Lake Atitlán and a great deal with a house on AirBnB. Between the concert tickets and the house rental we only paid $16 each. The music festival we went to lasted three days, but the venue was pretty small and right on the edge of the lake with bonfires scattered throughout. I had a great time – we met up with one of Alvaro’s friends who is also from Colombia and some of her friends which happened to be friends of mine as well. The headliner DJ was from Colombia, which made it even better. At midnight hugs were exchanged between all those present amidst fireworks with their reflections in one of the prettiest lakes in the world. I knew 2017 would be a year full of many changes and experiences, and being at that lake was definitely one of the best ways to ring it all in. 

My friend Alvaro and I at the music festival at Lake Atitlán