#AND THEN THEY HAD A BABY NAMED MORGAN WHO FREAKING THOUGHT HE WAS A CAT FOR THE FIRST COUPLE YEARS OF JIS LIFE AND ALSO KINDA HATES HIS DAD

[gentil-minou]

OMG THE HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE BOOK!!! OBSESSED... my fave Welsh magician

RIGHT AND HE'S SO FREAKING PATHETIC I LOVE HIM.

Movie Howl is a fearsome terrifying wizard that can turn into a scary bird and also has some smooth moves.

Book Howl is Just Some Guy (TM) who graduated college with a degree he didn't know what to do with and was like I'm gonna avoid my responsibilities and go into this magic dimension and then avoid some more until he met a lady mean enough to scare him into love and like actually do things and be responsible (gross).

I love him so much it's my fave book of all time

[scuttling]

While I'm writing Dad!Bod Hotch with babies... 🥺

...Here's a very baby excerpt from one of my other works (modified a little so it can be read as reader.) It's pretty cute if I do say so myself! Tags: 18+, NSFW, Blow job + Pregnant sex The next child abduction case they get happens a year later, and it takes them to Seattle; rain beats down on the Sullivan house while she and JJ sit with the family and try to keep them informed of what’s going on in terms of the investigation. The mother stares out the window at the rain, and she brings over the cup of tea she’d offered to make, sets it down on the table beside her, takes her trembling hands.

“I promise you, Mrs. Sullivan, our team is doing absolutely everything they can to locate your son safely. They are the best in the world at what we do; we just need to let them do their jobs.”

Mrs. Sullivan frowns, takes a sobbing breath, and then wraps her arms around her; she’s a little startled by it, but rubs her back, trying to provide comfort.

After a couple minutes, Mrs. Sullivan pulls back, and she offers her a tissue.

“Do you have any children?” she asks, wiping her eyes.

“Yes. He’s seven years old, and his name is Jack.”

They find the boy five hours later. Alive.

She and Aaron have celebration sex on every available surface.

“Hey. So, I got three or four calls from my doctor’s office a couple weeks ago, but I was preoccupied with the Sullivan case and I kept forgetting to call her back,” she says later from Aaron’s lap. He sits up, holding her hips while he shifts his weight.

“Okay. Is everything alright? Why was she calling so often?”

“Apparently, my IUD expired a month ago. I have to get it taken out.” He looks cautiously over her face, like he’s not sure what reaction she wants from him. She’s fairly certain she knows what his first instinct is. “Well, Jack and I were at the grocery store when I spoke to her—and you know I’ve been feeling a little off…” She wets her lips, reaches over the arm of the couch and pulls a little cardboard box off the console table. She can see his breath hitch.

“Have you taken it?” She nods quickly, presses her lips together.

“Just waiting now.” Carefully, he reaches for the box, takes it out of her hand, and sets it back down on the table. He pulls her close for a tight hug.

“Whatever happens, I love you so much,” he murmurs in her ear, and they just hold each other until the timer on her phone goes off. She brushes her hand through his hair, and his eyes are wet; she knows hers are too.

She climbs out of his lap, and he follows her down the hall, clinging to her back like he can’t physically let her go. When they make it to the bathroom, she picks up the test, squeezes her eyes briefly shut, and holds it up so he can read the word on the screen.

The word.

She spins in his arms, wraps hers around him, and jumps up and down, the grin splitting her face nothing compared to the gorgeous smile that lights up his.

“I’m going to see if Dr. Rose can fit me in tomorrow,” she says, leaning up to smooch him several times in a row. “Just to be sure.”

“Let me know, I’ll come.” She nods, kisses him a few more times, takes a deep, shuddering breath.

“I love you so much.” He holds her, repeats it, kisses her forehead, her eyes. Then he starts kissing her for real, reverent and steamy, and they walk gracelessly toward the bedroom, tugging articles of clothing off as they go.

She is kneeling over him on the bed, giving him a very good, messy, ‘Congrats, you’re probably going to be a daddy again!’ blow job when she pulls back suddenly, an overwhelming thought crossing her mind; she looks up at him with wide eyes.

“You know my brother has two sets of twins, right?” “A package came from your brother today,” Aaron says a couple months later as he’s leafing through the mail; he holds it out to her, and she opens it up, excited, then covers her mouth, can’t help but aww. “What is it?” he asks, not looking up from the stack of envelopes, and she puts her hand on his arm to get his attention.

“‘For the Hotchner siblings’—that’s what the card says,” she explains when he looks up, and then she holds up the largest t-shirt: it’s brown, with a cartoon bear cub, white letters spelling out Brother Bear. She holds up a smaller shirt: Sister Bear #1. Then another small shirt: Sister Bear #2. He smiles.

“Okay, that’s cute. We have to FaceTime him and thank him.”

“Definitely. He’s not going to believe how big this belly is,” she says, reaching up on her toes for a kiss; he comes at her from the side, because it’s easier to reach her lips that way. “Uh, Hotch, we need you down in the bullpen. She's crying and we can’t get her to stop,” Spencer says into the phone, looking a little freaked. Aaron must agree to come down, because he hangs up the receiver wordlessly; JJ rubs her shoulders, trying to comfort her.

“It’s okay, I completely understand. It’s normal to feel like that at this stage of the pregnancy,” she explains, and it’s all sounding very rational, but she just covers her eyes and keeps crying.

When Aaron crouches down beside her, he takes her hands carefully off of her face, wipes her tears with his sleeve, peers up at her with soft eyes.

“Oh, sweetheart, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“I want…” She gulps, sniffles, and Prentiss hands her a tissue over the desk partition. “Thank you. I want these babies out of me,” she sobs, and she knows she’s making a huge scene, but she doesn’t even care. “I want your babies out of me, Aaron!” He sighs; she knows he’s heard it all before.

“I know, honey, but you have to be patient. It will happen when it’s meant to.” She sobs, then hiccups, and that’s just great.

“But I’m—I’m drinking the stupid tea, I’m eating the dates. I got the, the acupuncture—do you know how weird it is to see those needles sticking out of your body? It’s unsettling!”

Morgan returns from Garcia’s office, takes one look at them, and abruptly pivots on his heel to head back.

“Oh sure,” she calls, and then hiccups, “everyone sees a crying pregnant woman and they just run away!”

“Noo, he just texted me!” Spencer lies, waving his phone that he never even looked at. “He said he forgot something and he’ll be right back.”

“Spencer, tell me what else can induce labor, please,” is all she says, doesn’t call him out because it’s sweet that he even tried. He counts off with his fingers as he recites the list.

“Raspberry leaf tea, dates, castor oil—” she grimaces, because that shit’s the worst “—acupressure, acupuncture, exercise.” He hesitates, looks a little uncomfortable, and she hiccups, gets pissed, takes a deep breath.

“Sweetie, honey,” she says, reaching out a hand for him, and he takes it, pats it awkwardly. Bless his heart. “You’re my partner, and I love you, but please spit it out.”

“Okay, uh. Nipple stimulation, and uh. Well. Sex.” Oh, yeah, the nipple thing they tried, but it felt like a restless cat trying to get comfortable on her chest, wasn’t sexy at all, so they didn’t try the rest. She snaps her fingers at Aaron like a douchebag asking for the waitress, wipes her face, hiccups again.

“Okay, we’re doing it, we’re doing that one. Sex me up.” Prentiss barks a laugh, and Spencer looks deeply disturbed. “Please can we go home now?”

“Uh, yes, we can,” Aaron begins, “but I’m not sure we should—” Nope, she’s not gonna listen to that bullshit. He hasn’t been pregnant for 42 fucking weeks.

“I love you, but shut up. Your dick put these things inside me, and your dick’s gonna get them out.” She moves to stand, and so does he, arms out like he’ll catch her if she starts to wobble. “I know I’m not sexy anymore with this gigantic stomach, but please please please just fuck me.” He closes his eyes, sighs like he regrets so much in life, and then gives her a hard kiss on the mouth. It makes her, like, instantly horny; she’d initiate sex right here if she thought she could get her pants off.

“You are as sexy as you’ve ever been,” he murmurs, hovering over her lips, “and I’m going to fuck you.” Sex this big sucks. Missionary is hilarious, doggy is uncomfortable, side by side seems okay but is actually kind of impractical. She feels betrayed.

Aaron helps her get on top of him—his dick is so hard it makes her feel really, really good about herself—and she’s more than okay with bouncing on him, but her belly bounces too, and it feels weird.

“Can you hold it?” she pants, and she takes the hair tie off her wrist and sweeps her hair into a ponytail because she’s sweating from all the position-shifting. “Just like, hold it.” She takes his hands and rests them on her enormous beach ball belly, sighs because it feels nice. “Good, yeah, thank you, let me try again.”

She braces herself against his thighs, rides him quickly, bucking hard—after about 15 years of wishing she had bigger breasts, she now despises hers, and therefore avoids them at costs, but she does manage to reach her clit, and she rubs it furiously as she moves atop him.

Aaron—who is so great, and sweet, who she loves so much—is all but useless, just holds her belly still and groans like he’s getting the best pussy of his lifetime, which she guesses maybe he is, because she wants these babies out and she’s well and truly desperate. “Oh, fuck, baby,” he grinds out, and his hands move to her thighs, squeezing hard, and she whines.

“No, no, do not come, don’t come.”

He comes.

An hour later, they try again, with her propped up on a pillow, her legs dangling over the edge of the bed. The internet said this would work, and if it doesn’t, she’s prepared to let BoyMom282 fucking have it.

“Oh my god, yes, yes,” she moans, clutching at the sheets above her head, and Aaron’s hands feel so good on what remains of her waist as he pounds into her. “Fuck, yes, fuck me until your babies are ready, Aaron. Such a fucking man, knocking me up with two babies at once—you can help me get them out, can’t you, daddy?”

He groans long and loud, and she puts a hand on his, squeezes hard.

“Don’t. Come. I swear to god if you come inside me right now, it will be the last time you ever do it.”

He comes, but luckily for him, she comes first. “So, tell us which is which,” Garcia leads, visibly excited, and she leans back against Aaron’s body, looks at the sweet baby girl in his arms.

“This one is Camila,” she says, touching her teeny tiny little foot, “and Spencer’s holding Mia. Mia Clarita Hotchner Cortes—Clarita after my mother—and Camila Marie Hotchner Cortes.”

“Marie after my mother,” Aaron explains, and he puts an arm around her, which she snuggles happily against. “We’re just waiting for Jack—he should be here any minute.” Spencer hands Mia back to her, and she kisses her forehead.

“This is the best day of your mama’s life,” she coos, touching her soft, dark, fuzzy baby hair. Her heart swells. “I was going to become daddy’s next unsub if you little cuties didn’t vacate my uterus in a timely fashion.”

She can hear the squeak of Jack's shoes coming through the door, and she looks up at Aaron with a grin. When Jack comes around the bed and sees the girls, his eyes get big. “Whoa, are these my sisters?” Haley pops in behind him, and she smiles at them.

“Yeah, buddy, come here,” she says, gesturing for him with her free arm. “This is Mia, and this is Camila.”

“Gentle like we practiced,” Aaron reminds him when he reaches out to touch Camila’s face, and she and Haley both roll their eyes, then laugh.

“He knows, sweetie.” She watches their interaction with so much love, then brushes her fingers over Jack’s hair. “You’re going to be the best brother bear ever, aren’t you?” He looks up at her, grins; he’s missing a tooth just to the left of the front ones, and she’s obsessed with that little gap.

“Yep, I’m going to read them stories and share my toys and play with them at the park.”

“They’re lucky to have you,” Aaron says, leaning down to look into his eyes. “And so are we, buddy.” “And do you, Aaron Hotchner—”

“Da-ah-addy!” someone sobs—Mia, she mouths to Aaron across from her—and she sees JJ step out from behind her, trying to soothe her so they can proceed, but she’s not having any luck. Mia is a daddy’s girl, and the fact that she can see him, but she’s not in his arms, is like a mortal sin to her.

She gets it, she really does. She felt that way every day for two years.

When it’s obvious she’s not calming down, the officiant clears her throat and tries again, but Mia’s wailing just gets louder. Aaron smiles, shrugs.

“Sorry. It’s okay—here, Mia, daddy’s right here,” he assures, reaching out to take her from JJ, and he wipes her eyes, her red nose, and bounces her on his hip for a moment until she settles. She shoots them what she’s sure is a sickeningly sweet glance and then turns around and asks for Camila; Emily hands her off with a big smile.

Aaron grins when she puts her on her hip, and he reaches behind him for his best man, Jack, encourages him to come forward so he’s standing between them. She smiles at him, touches his face, and nods at the officiant, who takes a deep breath and proceeds.

“Do you, Aaron Hotchner, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, from this day forward, as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” They opted not to write their own vows, because their vows are living, breathing things between them, three perfect little heartbeats. Anything more felt unnecessary.

“By the power vested in me by the state of Virginia, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” He does, so well she thinks she might get pregnant again, and then they each kiss their three babies, and she silently marvels over the fact that all it took was being clobbered over the head with a fire extinguisher for her life to end up this perfect. “Did you know that your chance of having a second set of fraternal twins jumps to 12% after you’ve had the first?” Spencer asks as they’re gathered in the briefing room one morning. She and Aaron are standing up front, pressed close together, nodding patiently. “And considering they run in your family, and that your brother has two sets of fraternal twins, I’d say that statistically the odds are more likely doubled.”

She looks over at Aaron, whose eyes are filled with love and awe and also some pretty sexy other things, and then pulls the ultrasound image out from the little envelope, holds it out for the team to see.

In unison, they answer, “We know.”

They get a package in the mail later that week: One Jack-sized t-shirt—Brother Bear #1—and two tiny t-shirts—Sister Bear #3 and Brother Bear #2. She and Aaron stop by the hospital to visit a friend after surgery and she can't resist walking past the maternity ward. Something about seeing all of those brand new, healthy, happy babies rejuvenates her after a tough case, and the one they'd finished up earlier in the week had been one of the toughest.

A woman comes to stand beside her as she looks at the babies, wearing sweatpants and a hospital gown—she's maybe 30, so just a few years younger—and she smiles brightly at the woman. "New mom?"

"Yeah, she's the one right there," the woman says with a grin, pointing to a sweetly sleeping little girl. "Isn't she perfect?"

"They're all perfect," she sighs, "but she is very beautiful. Congratulations." The woman's smile turns warmer, softer.

"Thank you. Do you have any children?" She's so wrapped up in the dreamy haze of little babies wiggling their toes that she almost doesn't hear the question.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, five of them: Adrian, Isabella, Mia, Camila, and Jack." The woman's eyes go extremely wide, and she laughs, because she's so very used to that. Aaron steps up on her other side, wraps an arm around her waist.

"Thought I might find you here," he says, and he smiles politely at the woman, who's looking like she may never open her legs again. "Can't resist looking at the babies."

"I just love babies," she says sweetly, and she stretches up for a kiss. "Do you ever think we should have another, just to even it out?"

"Hmm. Yes, but knowing us, they'll be twins again, so it's probably best we stick with five." He bends for another kiss, and she pulls him close; when she remembers where they are, she pulls back, to shoot the new mom a sheepish smile, but she's already gone. She sighs.

"Fair enough. But do you want to go home and practice anyway?"

[fallingforunrealisticromance]

I've got you - Derek Morgan x fem!reader part3

A/N: Thanks to @wanniiieeee for the idea:)

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1907

***= time skip

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I checked my phone for what felt like the hundredth time in the past 20 minutes, my body wracked with nerves. After that night at Derek’s, he’d asked me to be his girlfriend and obviously I’d said yes. It was still incredibly new for us, seeing as it had only happened a few days back, but I couldn’t be happier. There were only two things weighing on my shoulders – telling the BAU lot, and Sean. I felt so guilty. Even though me and Sean were nowhere near being official as we’d only been out on a few dates, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d gone behind his back. He’d been nothing but sweet to me and the thought of hurting his feelings was killing me. But I knew I couldn’t be happy with him, not in that way anyway. Derek had suggested to just call him, but this felt more like something that needed to be done in person. So, I’d texted him asking if he wanted to grab a coffee and that I needed to talk to him.

“Hey, sorry I’m late traffic was a nightmare” He said, smiling as he sat down.

“Yeah no worries I get it.” I replied, returning his grin. “So how are you? How’s work going?”

“Yeah I’m doing good. The jobs going great, this new bakery I’m working at is so much better than the last place. You should swing by sometime; I might be able to snag you a free doughnut.” He joked.

“Oh, for free food? I’ll do anything” I said trying to hide my nerves. Sean cleared his throat.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Here goes nothing. I took a deep breathe before answering.

“Um, the thing is that I- well you know, you’re a great guy but- it’s just- I don’t wanna-“ I stumbled over my words, unsure of how to phrase it.

“Just take a breath Y/N, it’s okay.” Sean said calmly.

“Me and Derek are together.” I blurted out.

I held my breath as my eyes scanned over him, trying to get a grasp as to what he might be feeling. Anger. Hurt. Betrayal. All of the above. But just like his brother, he was impossible to read. He was leant back in his chair, just sort of looking ahead of him. A neutral expression on his face.

“Sean I’m so sorry, I don’t even know how it happened – it just kind of did. You’re such a great guy and if it’s not to selfish of me I’d love to remain friends? But if your mad at me or anything like that I will totally understand.” I rambled anxiously.

Sean let out a small chuckle at my rushed state before leaning forward and placing his hands over mine.

“I’m not mad. These things happen you know. And as much as I enjoyed the dates we had; nothing was set in stone it was all relatively new so don’t feel bad about anything. We will definitely remain friends, I still need my drinking buddy.” He said nudging me arm. “I hope you and Derek will be happy together.” He gave me a genuine smile allowing me to relax.

“Thank you for understanding.”

“It’s all good” He replied. “So, what did my brother think?”

I chuckled, relaxing back into my seat.

“We haven’t told any of his team yet. I’m actually going there later to tell them.”

“Wow today is full of confessions”

“You got that right.”

Me and Sean spent the next few hours chatting about anything and everything

. Suddenly my phone rang, and Derek’s name flashed on the screen.

“Sorry I’ll be a minute” I said before standing up to take the call.

“Hey Derek”

“Hey you. How’s my favourite girl doing?”

“I don’t know I haven’t spoken to Garcia today” I teased.

“Hey, come on now, you know you’re my favourite.” He replied.

“Come off it, we all know Garcia will forever hold that position. But that’s okay because not only do I love her, but I’m also the one you come home to every night.”

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I could practically hear his smile through the phone.

“Anyway, to what do I owe the pleasure of this call?” I asked.

“Well, I wanted to see what time you’d be coming by the office. Oh, and check to see how things went with Sean”

“Things with Sean went great. He was so understanding and not mad at all. We’ve literally just been talking for hours. I don’t know why I was so stressed.”

“Because you overthink everything” Derek quipped.

“Um rude”

“But true”

I rolled my eyes while biting back at smile.

“Whatever. I’ll probably be able to come by in about 10 minutes. Sean has to get to work anyways.”

“Okay I’ll see you in a bit then.”

“Yep see you soon.”

“I love you gorgeous.”

“I love you too idiot”

I hung up the phone before he could bite back a response. Shoving my phone in my pocket I headed back into the café.

“Hey, so I guess it’s time for me to tell the team.” I said to Sean.

“Ah the time has come.” He laughed, standing up. “Well good luck, and if any of them give you shit – let me know”

“Sean in the nicest way possible, what could you possibly do? Tell them off?” I joked.

“Hey! I’ll have you know I can be quite intimidating when I like to be” He defend.

“Mhm sure you can. Now run along to your bakery.”

“You wound me. Truly.”

I laughed before waving goodbye to him and jumping back in my car.

**********************************************************************

The elevator ride to the BAU department was probably the most nerve-wracking trip. I was trying to convince myself that if Sean could accept it, there should be no reason for these lot not to. But to be honest, I think I was more worried about the a million questions we were about to get bombarded with. I mean Emily was already rooting for us. So yep, definitely more freaked for the questions. Derek was right, I over think stuff too damn much. As the doors open, I saw the man himself waiting at his desk for me. As his eyes caught mine, he flashed me that heart melting smile making me forget any worries I had.

“Hey” He greeted before wrapping his arms around me. “You nervous?”

“Nah. I was but realistically what’s there to be nervous about? At the end of the day, I still have you and that’s all I need.” I replied. He smiled brightly at me before leading me into the bullpen.

“Y/N! It’s good to see you.” Spencer called.

“Hey spence. It’s good to see you too.”

“Hey pretty boy, do you know where the others are? I wanna talk to you all.”

Spencer’s brow furrowed. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. Can you just grab the others? We’ll wait in the meeting room.” Derek replied before heading to the stairs. I saw Spencer shoot us a look before getting up to find the team. Derek leant back on the table.

“So how are you planning on telling them?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Me? I’m not telling them you are.”

“Why me?”

“Derek they’re your team. Not mine. Plus, I already had to tell Sean and that was stressful enough as it is so why would i-“

“Baby hey, stop pacing I was joking”

I hadn’t realised that was pacing back and forth across the room until he said that.

“Not nervous huh?” He joked. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. “Hey, come here”

I made my way over to him, standing between his legs. His arms gravitated towards my waist as I looped mine around his neck.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked softly. I moved my hands to fiddle with the collar of his shirt before answering.

“I just really don’t want to mess this up.” I whispered,

“Nothing the team can say will change anything-“

“No Derek I mean this, us.” I muttered. He placed his hand under my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his.

“Nothing you can do will change how I feel about you okay? I’m in this for the long haul.” His words made my stomach flutter.

“I love you.” I said before leaning in to kiss him. Even though it wasn’t the first, he took my breath every time. His lips just felt so perfect on mine.

“FINALLY” A shrill voice from behind us made us jump apart from each other. I turned to see the team standing in the doorway, a mixture of emotions on their faces. The voice that had scared us belonged to Garcia as she stood there grinning like the Cheshire cat whilst clapping her hands happily.

“Details now. When? Where? How long? Can I plan the wedding?” She gushed. I could feel my face burning bright red as I stood there unable to talk. Derek stood up, snaking his arm around my wait.

“Relax babygirl. We’ll explain everything” Derek said to her.

“T-that’s not exactly how we planned to tell you” I said, the embarrassment of being caught by our friends beginning to sink in.

“It’s about time” Emily chipped in, nudging me on the arm. “I’ve been waiting.”

Derek shot her a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean considering what happened at yours the other night, I figured it would happen sooner or later” She replied, shrugging her shoulders.

Derek looked at me. “You told her?”

“She literally came over and I was freaking out of course I told her” I replied, laughing.

“What happened at Derek’s?” Garcia called, her eyes darting between the three of us.

“Emily went over to check on them because neither of them were answering their phones..” JJ answered.

I looked at Emily. “So, you told JJ?”

Emily held her hands up defensively. “She’s my girlfriend I had to.” I rolled my eyes.

“And by doing that she interrupted them about to kiss” Spencer piped up. My jaw dropped.

“You told Spencer too?” I looked at Emily accusingly.

“No! I only told JJ” I turned to JJ, raising my eyebrows expectantly

“He’s my best friend.” She replied.

Derek sighed. “Okay so was there anyone who didn’t know?”

“Well technically me and Hotch didn’t know but we had a feeling.” Rossi answered. “Actually, that reminds me, you owe me ten bucks Aaron”

I threw my hands up. “Oh, brilliant so three of you knew and the other two had a bet on us. Good to know” I said sarcastically.

“I’m feeling rather left out. Why am I the last to find out?” Garcia pouted.

“Gotta save the best till last babygirl” Derek replied, throwing his arm around her giving her a squeeze.

“Good point” She said, the smile promptly returning to her face.

“You two are good together. I hope you’ll be happy” Hotch commented with a tight-lipped smile.

“Thanks Aaron.” I said returning the smile.

“Right” Emily clapped her hands together. “Who wants to go get drinks to celebrate the couple of the hour.” Everyone raised their hands and headed out the door.

“Hey” Emily grabbed Derek’s arm pulling him back slightly. “Be good to her.”

Derek patted her hand. “Always. I’ve never felt like this before about anyone. There’s no way I’m losing her.”

[floggingink]

OH HERE WE GO LADIES IT’S RIVERDALE, CHAPTER EIGHTY: “Purgatorio”

I’m tuning in to be VERY entertained on the grounds that I missed almost the entirety of S4 and will not understand anything

we open with an incredible analogue comparing the football team to the Army, as men do construct rituals: football players get blown into the sky, etc., in a heartrending mash-up of Archie’s innocence + the American ideal/expectations/pipeline of masculinity

Archie Company is decked out appropriately to storm Hürtgen Forest

that art direction trope where a character’s hearing goes EEEEEEEEEEEEEE after an explosion……...delightful

the Vixens and friends cheering him on from the sidelines as if Archie can only process his unprocessable present through the lens of his past………...hits the spot

distressingly wood-based rifles for our purposes

Archie > Dawson: I don’t mind telling you I felt emotion upon Archie hoisting his war buddy over his shoulders to that quadruple-toned “Chivalric Archie Using His Strength for Good” tune, like when he broke his whole hand busting Cheryl out of Sweetwater River

WHEN HE SAW HIRAM LODGE, I’M TELLING YOU! 

Hiram’s dragon-scale gloves? absolutely savory; he would

“Yonkers” is one of those New York place names I don’t totally buy is real (Poughkeepsie is another)

the sepia-toned light in this hospital room rings true judging by all the Captain America fanfiction I’ve read; I also like the mint-colored hand towels draped on Archie’s bedframe bought, one assumes, using the Department of Defense’s Kohl’s Cash

Archie made Sergeant, which is the best ranking for a fictional character: important enough that they can be a leader, get into trouble; low-profile enough that you don’t have to write them in the room making terrible decisions; probably won’t die immediately, as a Captain or Private might be

Fifth period is AP English: Archie reads A Farewell to Arms to Corporal Jackson, a WWI novel by Hemingway that Jug definitely turned him onto

Christ, Archie looks good in that on-leave jacket thing

I like Jackson’s subtle graph paper-print hospital gown

Gay?!: was Jackson in love with Archie? is he gonna bus to Riverdale once he’s off his pain meds? RAS, is that you in there?

God you know I love that haunted-ass Exorcist wooden bench bus light lighting

how long has the WW been relocated under Pop’s??? I do NOT know what happened to La Bonne Nuit

Sexy, aesthetic Southside: Fangs’ hair? his Tony Stark glasses? the girls’ “I’m a Slave 4 U” Burmese pythons? Toni’s headdress and immaculate glossed lip? 

Sixth period is Intro to Film: the only part of From Dusk till Dawn I’ve seen is Salma Hayek putting her toe in Quentin Tarantino’s mouth but judging from that I figure I’d like the rest 

The female gaze: Jesus Sweet Pea still looks good

Toni’s stage is flanked by twin pillars of melting candles and I would like someone to track those down for my bathroom

if they lay one hand on Pop Tate…

Betty appears to be, on her own, running the FBI training course. Betty is such a freak

Betty’s FBI-appointed psychologist is “Dr. Starling,” wears a great yellow blouse; Betty eats what appears to be a mini-sized Milky Way

her blond FBI trainer-boyfriend (uh) Glen appears to be an unholy fusion of Jimmi Simpson and that one actor with brown hair and really sharp light eyes whose acting credits I can’t think of right now, you know who I’m talking about (not the guy from Vampire Diaries)

I quite like her patterned blouse and I hate his yellow (gold?!) and blue tie

Please protect Betty: obviously we stan the Silence of the Lambs shit even as it remains infuriating Bryan Fuller couldn’t get his hands in it

Betty’s cat’s crying was so disturbingly baby-like that I had to leave the room once I realized it was in fact a cat

I’ve watched the Elisa Lam tape too many times in recent hours to handle this hallway shot

REALLY GROSS LICKING NOISES

the Trash Bag Killer coming at her was scary :(

Betty’s lovely blue knit cardi with the puffed sleeves!

50 Shades of Betty: clearing her throat before the doctor quite finishes her sentence—Lili Reinhart continues to be great at conveying “slightly perturbing subterranean tension”

was Charles a serial killer too??? oh damn!

Betty has been successfully holding off giving Glen a key to her place until now, an era that must come to a close

fellas, “Do I at least get a kiss?” is a bad move

Veronica was rich: Veronica’s new digs: exposed brick, bougiely avant-garde chandelier; possibly an elevator door right there behind the dude?

Veronica has married Hiram, to no one’s surprise

Chadwick looks like Jimmi Simpson and brunet Evan Peters plus a jaw

Veronica’s single-puffled-sleeved gown…..madamn (she has absolutely been taking secret birth control pills)

Summer + Blair = Veronica: of course Veronica would be great at Howard Ratner’s job; I MUST know what “specialty showcase haute couture offense” Vinnie has committed

T-Dubbs’ green jacket

Veronica pretended she was working at like, a department store? but she MISSED the EDGE post-day-trading

their apartment is so expensive that their bedroom is totally exposed

oh my god, Hermione

Best costume bit: please get me these satiny green high-waisted slacks?! and ugh her blouse has shoulder tassels……..she’s flourishing

“That’s threatening to an alpha like Chad.”

yes, they have a private elevator. fine.

Glen and Chad get their ties from the same Men’s Warehouse

“When that helicopter went down on the way to Martha’s Vineyard…”

you know kissing is 4-real when one person cups their hand to the back of the other person’s neck all close

I don’t understand the drop of the Glamergé egg but I appreciate that there is one and that Veronica is like, get this the fuck out of my house

Veronica’s shiny cropped tweed two-piece, Yvonne’s weird feathery coat that matches her bf’s shirt (you know she’s supposed to be “too much” because she’s got big hoop earrings)

God, Jughead is next and I’m not gonna be able to handle it

OH GOD IT’S SO MUCH WORSE THAN I THOUGHT

Alphabet City?! the piano?? the fucking East Coast Beat typewriter shit—the day robe? I’m—READING CLUBMASTERS? FORSYTHE???

OH GOD HE’S DATING ANOTHER WRITER (she has nice pants)

Jughead eats: “that place you like” is a HOT DOG STAND in the middle of SOME GRASS

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: Jughead wears high-ankle light blue jeans, grey socks, and spectators that blend to create the illusion of wading boots. I’m going to commit a crime

Jughead doubts it: “So did Kerouac. And Hemingway. And Fitzgerald.” 

fuck yes I love Floundering Jughead, and his Pushy Agent who pronounces “career” like “Korea,” and the continuing tradition of Jughead getting kicked out of his house

I like Literary Grifter’s sweater

the Brat Pack, and most of the Rat Pack for that matter, were actors, but I assume RAS couldn’t resist the rhyme 

I was 100% afraid we were about to learn Cora was an uncomfortably-young undergrad

the musical cue as she reaches into her bag is absolutely as if she’s taking out a gun, and it might as well be! it’s the scariest thing in NYC: an unpublished manuscript

showrunners doing a classic I Love Lucy job partially concealing Vanessa Morgan’s pregnancy via medium close-ups, draping black clothes

Cheryl slowly turning to ask if doesn’t she look okay 10/10 icon

Cheryl’s pins: she has either a tiny spider or maybe a tick

Cheryl’s sheaths: the lacy red thing, amazing

why is Cheryl’s left hand gloved?

Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: Cheryl’s going to forge a Rembrandt, which unfortunately means she’s my favorite person on the planet (she does not look happy about doing this)

btw is Nana Rose an Immortal?

please tell me about Toni’s eyelashes

EXTREMELY HAUNTED DOLL?!

“Damn good coffee”: Archie’s earnest “Where are people gonna sit for the bus?” slayed me

fuck YEAH Ghoulies party house! terrible music but really good skull spray paint art

Jug looks LOW lol

Veronica’s blouse + buttons, impeccable

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: Tabitha/Squeaky

the hellscape semi’s red backlighting and its skeleton’s red eyes

I like Linette’s glossy bomber!

the trucker who’s about to kill her can’t also be the Trash Bag Killer….truckers have to stick to too much of a schedule….but he could be Betty’s meandering serial

I loved this episode

NEXT WEEK: Archie brings the FBI down on some people paying their rent :(

[datauthorress]

Ashes of Night [Chapter 1: The Man from the Past]

Pairing: Arthur Morgan/Original Female Character

Summary: A young college student stumbles upon a man from the past, right in her very apartment. The man doesn't know why he's suddenly 119 years in the future, but maybe this is a second chance at a better life.

Warnings: Some strong language, some nudity and one confused cowboy.

The only thing that Shelby wanted to come home to was her animals, and then settle down and give them all the attention they needed. Her landlord, Mrs. Parish, had greeted her back home with a hug and a container of baked chocolate chip cookies, which she knew were Shelby's favorite. Shelby had been out of town for a couple of days for an interview on her new novelette, and it had been a very good couple of days.

Mrs. Parish had been more than happy to make sure Shelby's pets were watered and feed. Shelby owned two; a black cat named Kirby, whom she had rescued off a highway in the middle of a storm, and an albino ball python that she affectionately named Ghost, due to his color scheme. He was quite the sweet reptile, and loved people. He had been born in captivity and Shelby absolutely adored snakes, so she adopted one to give him a wonderful home.

As soon as Shelby walks up to the second floor to get to her apartment, Mrs. Parish greets her with cookies and mentions that she heard a thud from her apartment a couple of hours ago. Shelby deduced that Kirby had more than likely knocked something over, or was running around like a crackhead.

Boy, she had been clearly wrong.

As soon as she had stepped into her apartment, she had been aware of the motionless form lying in the middle of her living room. It was a man, and a rather stocky one at that. He was sprawled out on his back, a black hat lying on it's side not to far from him. He appeared to be in his late 30's, with a full head of thick, light brown hair that nearly seemed blond to her. He had facial hair, though not too much and wore a blue plaid shirt with dark brown overalls, with brown cowboy boots and what looked like a bandanna around his neck. There was a worn satchel around his torso, and she was startled to see a silver revolver in a holster on his belt.

Where the hell did this guy come from?

Shelby knelt down, sitting on her knees beside the unconscious man. She scrunched her eyebrows and leaned down a bit, tilting her head so she could see if he was breathing. She waited a few moments and finally heard a soft breath come from the man. So he was alive, and he didn't look injured. Very dirty, but not injured. She sat back up, her eyes trailing down to the revolver at his hip.

This stranger could be dangerous. Looked dangerous.

She complemented calling 911, but this guy looked like he came straight from the late 1800's, so the man would probably freak out if he realized he was in a jail cell, with no memory of where he was. Shelby sighed quietly and slowly reached down, curling the fingers of her left hand around the handle of the revolver. She checked to see if the man was awake and when he hadn't even stirred, she carefully pulled the weapon away from the man's hip. She let out a quiet sigh of relief and stood up, glad she had taken her boots off so the thudding of them on the carpet wouldn't wake the man up. She wrapped the gun up in a thick towel, and hid it underneath the couch, for now. She quietly ventured to her bedroom down the hallway, where she grabbed a couple of ties from her closet and went back out to the living room. She used the thick cloth tie his wrists together firmly, but not tightly enough to cause any damage. She took his boots off and cringed at the smell, before tying his ankles together.

Better safe than sorry.

Shelby then proceeded to drag the man by his shoulders onto the couch, making sure he was comfortable in his position. She sighed quietly, grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch and draping it over his prone form.

Kirby meowed softly as she hopped onto the couch, sitting down next to the man. “Think you can keep an eye on him while I feed your brother?” Shelby asked, and got a meow in response. “Thank you, sweetie.”

She took the next few quiet moments to straighten up a bit, grabbing Ghost's food out of the freezer. She walked over to the reptile tank and cooed as she opened the top. “Hi, baby. I got you some food. Yeah, I know...I missed you guys too.” she smiled, as Ghost slithered up a bit, bumping into her hand. “Here you go, baby.”

Ghost took the food gladly and she closed the top, letting him eat.

At this time, she heard a soft groan and glanced over to the john doe. He was stirring, his body moving slightly. She went over to him and stood about five feet away from him, as the man's head snapped up and his eyes opened.

Shelby was met with a pair of steel blue eyes, which chilled her to her very core. She swallowed thickly, before she spoke.

“You awake, buddy?”

The man blinked once, twice, before he glanced around, surprise evident in his eyes. Kirby meowed, her tail moving from side to side and the man looked down at her, before blinking once more. He then finally turned his attention to Shelby.

“Where am I?” the man asked, his accent deep, thick and rich. It was something Shelby hadn't expected, but she didn't let her guard down.

“My apartment.” she replied. “In Plymouth, Indiana. It's the summer of 2018, June 4th.”

“2018....?” the man muttered.

Shelby waited for a moment, looking around to see if she could show him the date. She remembered she bought a newspaper this morning, so she walked over to where her bag was hanging by the door and grabbed the newspaper out of it. She flipped it to the date and approached the man, showing him the date.

“Well.....shit.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked, tossing the newspaper onto the coffee table. “Your attire isn't really suitable for this day and age....late 1800's?”

“1899, if I remember correctly.” the man spoke, reaching up with his hands, and then just now realizing his hands were bound. “Why am I tied up?”

“Well, when a man appears from out of nowhere in my apartment and has a weapon on his person, the owner of said apartment is a little cautious.” Shelby replied. “And before you ask, yes, I took your revolver. It's hidden right now.”

“Are ya going to report me to the authorities?” he asked, steel blue eyes looking up into her own hazel ones.

“No.” Shelby replied, shaking her head. “You got a name?”

“Everyone's got a name, kid.” the man scoffed quietly. “My name is Arthur Morgan.”

Arthur Morgan? Why does that name sound familiar...? Shelby thought, scrunching her eyebrows. She held up a hand and went over to her backpack, rummaging through it and getting out the notebook she was looking for. She rummaged through the used notebook, soon coming upon the little project she had started earlier in the year. “Arthur Morgan.....Morgan....” she muttered to herself, getting out a small pile of newspaper clippings and pictures. She flipped through the pictures until she came upon a drawn picture of a man that fit Arthur Morgan's face.

Once she deemed the picture the right one, she walked over to the man and placed the picture close to his face. Same face structure.....

And the name at the bottom of the picture was what sold it.

“You're really Arthur Morgan.....” Shelby said softly. “Same face structure, eye color, hair color, everything...”

“Well, who else the hell would I be?” he drawled. “What's that in yer hand?”

“A drawn picture you, from the 1890's.��� she replied. “Supposedly....you died from tuberculosis in 1899-”

“I did. I contracted the god awful disease from a diseased farmer and died from it.” the older man replied. “So.....this situation may be...”

“That you somehow got sent 119 years into the future, and here you are.” Shelby finished, putting the paper back with the others. She took the blanket off of him and grimaced, knowing she was going to need to wash it now. “Mr. Morgan, 2018 is a very different era from where you're from....things are very different now. I suppose, for now, I'll let you stay here until I can figure out what to do.”

“Yer letting a complete stranger stay in yer home?” Arthur questioned, arching an eyebrow.

“Where else can you go?” she asked, reaching forward to undo the cloth around his ankles. She undid his wrists next and took a few steps back, just in case he decided to attack or anything. When he didn't, she relaxed a bit. “Mr. Morgan, my name is Shelby Hartford.”

“Alright, Miss Hartford-”

“Uh....drop the miss, please. Just call me Shelby.” she said, a bit uncomfortable with the 'miss'.

“Only if ya call me Arthur.” he said, standing up.

Damn, he was taller than she thought. Shelby could only assume he was almost a foot taller than her, since she as only five feet, five inches. “Sure. Okay....um....” she paused for a moment, rubbing her hands together. “You need to clean up.....no man is going to be staying filthy in my home. I'm a neat freak.”

“I can't 'member the last time I took a well-deserved bath.” he mused.

“Alright, then. We'll get you cleaned up, and then we'll discuss rules for you staying here.” she nodded, motioning for him to follow her.

Shelby guided Arthur to the guest bathroom, letting him know where things were. She plugged the tub, and started the water, feeling it before setting it to a very warm temperature. She put a bit of bubble bath in it, and turned around, only to quickly cover her eyes when she realized the man was half-naked, and getting ready to take his overalls off.

“You could've waited until I was out of the room!” she exclaimed, keeping her eyes covered as a blush stained her cheeks.

“Girly, where I'm from, women don't shy away from a naked man.” Arthur's voice caught her ears.

“Shut up and just get in the tub.” she grumbled, keeping her eyes covered.

There was the rustling of clothing, and then the slight breeze as the man walked past her. She heard splashing and after a moment, uncovered her eyes. She refused to look towards the tub, and grabbed a large, fluffy towel from the small cabinet next to the sink. She placed the towel on the rack next to the tub, and spoke, while getting out some body wash and shampoo that her brother had left here.

“I don't have any clothes for you, so I'll have to wash your clothes until we can go shopping.” she spoke, placing the body wash and shampoo on the edge of the tub. “Which will probably be tomorrow. I'll have to measure your torso, waist and get your shoe size. Also.....no overalls. You can wear them tomorrow, but after that, no more. Overalls aren't really a thing anymore.”

“Way t' kill my style, kid.” the older man joked.

Shelby rolled her eyes. “Just call for me when you're done.”

She left the bathroom, picking up the filthy clothes before Arthur could say another word, closing the door behind her. She sighed quietly, before she made her way to the living room and set the clothes down with the dirty blanket. She walked over to Ghost's tank and lifted the hood, cooing as she reached in to pick up the snake. He immediately bumped into her hand as she lifted him out of the tank, holding him up to her neck. He slithered up to her neck and around her neck, resting his head just on the right side of her neck. She rubbed his head gently, and went back over to the clothes, picking them up. She tossed them into the washer and put some soap inside, then started the washer for a medium load.

Shelby went into the kitchen, searching for something to eat. It was only 5 PM, so she was hungry. And she was sure Arthur was hungry as well.

“I wonder if he's ever had spaghetti...” she mused. “What do you think, Ghost?”

Ghost flicked his tongue out and Shelby nodded. “Spaghetti it is.”

She grabbed out two jars of Prego sauce and mixed them in a deep pan, putting some spices into the sauce. She mixed it together well, before she allowed it to heat up and cook. She never realized that Arthur had walked out into the living room, with only a towel wrapped around his hips.

“Hey, kiddo, I was thinkin'.....is that a snake?!”

Shelby yelped and jumped, quickly turning around and felt heat creep onto her cheeks again. She slapped her hands over her eyes. “I told you to call for me!”

“Why is there a snake around yer neck?!”

“He's my baby!”

“Snakes aren't pets! Are ya goddamn crazy, girl?! Gimme that reptile!”

That drew the line and Shelby grabbed up her cast iron skillet, holding it threateningly. Arthur stopped a mere ten feet away from her, staring down at the young woman before him. The python around her neck lifted it's head up, flicking it's tongue out.

“Don't you touch Ghost.” Shelby warned. “In this century, snakes can be have as pets. Especially pythons. Pythons are sweet creatures who done no harm, except crush their prey.”

“Exactly! And you have it around yer neck.”

“I've had Ghost for two years now. Not once has he ever tried to hurt me.” Shelby said. “I adopted him from a pet store and gave him a better home than they ever would.”

“Okay....okay, jus'....put the pan down.” Arthur said, holding a hand out in defense.

Shelby eyed him for a moment, then put her skillet down. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Just....gimme a sec. I'll have to give you a blanket for now.”

After calming down, Shelby grabbed a blanket out from the hallway closet, throwing it onto Arthur. “Cover up with that for now. Your clothes won't be done until later, and I don't have any underwear for you, so tough it out, cowboy.”

“Kid, I've been toughin' it out for years.” Arthur said back, wrapping the blanket around himself, and sitting on the couch. “What the goddamn hell is that....thing?” he asked, pointing to the television.

“It's a television.” Shelby replied, walking out of the kitchen and grabbing the remote. She turned the television on, and switched it to the sci-fi channel. “Watch the shitty b-rated movie while I make dinner.”

“Back in my time, movies were sure as hell not like 'his.” Arthur drawled, scrunching his eyes at the weird screen.

“Well, you're not in 1899 anymore, Arthur.” she sighed.

Arthur went quiet afterwards, his attention focused on the screen. He seemed....actually quite interested in it. Something about a winged, red-eyed creature going after some kids. Over the next hour, Shelby would occasionally glance over to the man on her couch, finding this whole situation just a complete weird-ass dream. She had to be dreaming, right?

Eventually, Kirby stretched out next to Arthur, flopping onto her side. Arthur had questioned about Kirby and Shelby answered, 'she likes men'. Arthur didn't seem to mind, and would occasionally pet Kirby's belly.

Shelby closed her eyes and rubbed her face.

How the hell was she going to deal with this?  

[shivroy]

jordan!! got any winter traditions?

Jordan: “OH, YEAH, WE HAVE A FEW AROUND HERE. WE ALWAYS PLAY A GAME ALL OF US MADE UP, EXCEPT THIS TIME IT HAS GOT ‘FROSTBITE EDITION’ TACKED ON THE END OF ITS ALREADY STUPID NAME BECAUSE IT INVOLVES FIREHOSES AND RUNNING AROUND OUTSIDE… THE RULES ARE TOO COMPLICATED TO EXPLAIN, BUT WE GENERALLY PLAY A ROUND OF THAT. IT’S A MESS, I ASSURE YOU.”  

Jor: “MY INTERNAL TEMPERATURE OF 4000 DEGREES OR WHATEVER BECAUSE OF MY DANG MUTATION MAKES IT SO THAT I CAN’T REALLY GO OUTSIDE IN THE COLD FOR A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF TIME, BUT… I MEAN, I GUESS IT’S SORT OF FUN TO WATCH ALL THE OTHERS MAKE SNOW-TROLLS AND ALL THAT. ALL THE SEADWELLERS KIND OF BRAG ABOUT HOW THEY CAN WITHSTAND THE COLD BY RUNNING AROUND IN T-SHIRTS WHEN IT’S ACTIVELY SNOWING. I HAVEN’T GOTTEN AROUND TO PUNCHING MORGAN’S SMUG SELF FOR LAUNCHING HIMSELF INTO A PILE OF SNOW IN HIS UNDERWEAR JUST TO SHOW ME - WHO IS WRAPPED UP IN TONS OF COATS AND NOT ONLY A HAT BUT HATS FOR MY HORNS BUT I’M STILL COLD - THAT HE COULD. WHAT A JERK!” 

Jor: “DEFINITELY MY FAVORITE PART IS WHEN ELSIBETH GETS HER YEARLY REVENGE AND SOMEHOW ENCOURAGES DETROI TO NAIL TORIXI RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A BARRAGE OF SNOWBALLS. WHILE I WOUDLN’T HAIL DETROI AS BEING PARTICULARLY…. BLESSED WITH FINE MOTOR SKILLS, HIS PITCH COULD PROBABLY KILL SOMEONE. GOD DANG, HE’S GOT STRONG ARMS… HOO BOY.”

Jor: “…SORRY.”

Jor: “AROUND THE HOLIDAYS I KNOW KIVERN DOES SOME LUDICROUSLY DANGEROUS THING WHERE SHE GETS SO EXCITED ABOUT HANUKKAH THAT SHE DECIDES TO ACTUALLY MAKE HERSELF INTO A MENORAH? SHE PUTS CANDLES ON HER HORNS AND INSISTS ON LIGHTING THEM, WHICH IS SUPER UNSAFE, BUT I CAN’T REALLY BLAME HER. IT’S A NICE EFFECT AND SHE SEEMS TO MAKE PEACE WITH THE HOT WAX DRIPPING ON HER BECAUSE OF THE EXPECTATION OF FUTURE PRESENTS OF WHATEVER IT MAY BE. DETROI AND ZANDER MAKE A MEAN LATKE AND I MAY OR MAY NOT STEAL A FEW EACH YEAR.” 

Jor: “TEUKSI GETS SUPER EXCITED ABOUT CHRISTMAS AND DECORATES JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING SHE’S ALLOWED TO. NOT SURE WHY, BECAUSE SHE WON’T EVEN BE ABLE TO SEE IT - ACTUALLY… MAYBE SHE DOES IT SO SHE CAN SPEND MORE TIME WITH ELSIBETH? I HADN’T THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE.” 

Jor: “SPEAKING OF ELSIBETH, SHE GOES INTO TURBO KNITTING MODE AROUND THIS TIME OF YEAR. WE ALL GET AT LEAST ONE SWEATER, WHICH IS MUCH NEEDED IN MY CASE, OTHERWISE I’D PROBABLY FREEZE TO DEATH IN THESE TEMPERATURES. SHE GETS PARTICULARLY FRISKY WITH WHAT’S WRITTEN ON THE SWEATERS - I MEAN, YOU SAW WHAT MINE SAID. I THINK GAFNEY ABOUT HAD A HEART ATTACK ONCE HE UNDERSTOOD WHAT IT MEANT.” 

Jor: “NOT ALL OF US CAN AFFORD GIFTS FOR EACH OTHER BUT WE ALWAYS TRY TO GET SOMETHING. TORIXI INSISTS ON GETTING SEETSU THIS BOOK FOR WIGGLERS CALLED “I’VE GOT TWO OF THOSE!? - A GUIDE TO ANATOMY AND PUBERTY FOR YOUNG GOLDBLOODS” EVERY SINGLE YEAR EVEN THOUGH 1. HE’S JEWISH AND IS A LITTLE ANNOYED BY BEING ROPED INTO CHRISTMAS STUFF AND 2. HE WILL, WITHOUT FAIL, THROW IT AT TORIXI ONCE HE’S DONE THE CEREMONIAL UNWRAPPING OF THE THING. HE’S GOT AT LEAST 5 OF THEM LAYING AROUND AND HE ALWAYS SAYS HE’S GONNA BURN THEM ONE DAY, BUT HE HASN’T GOTTEN AROUND TO IT. MY WORST NIGHTMARE IS THAT HE’S ACTUALLY READING THEM AND FINDING IT INFORMATIVE.”

Jor: “TEUKSI AND ELSBETH TEAM UP TO GET ME THINGS AND THEY’VE GOTTEN ME SOME REALLY NICE STUFF BEFORE! THEY GOT ME A PRINCE FLUFF PLUSH FROM KIRBY ONE YEAR AND I LOVE THAT THING SO MUCH, OH MY GOD. I COULD WRITE A BOOK ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE KIRBY. JORDAN FREAKING LOVES KIRBY, GUYS - COMING TO STORES NEAR YOU.”

Jor: “GAFNEY’S GREAT AT GETTING ME STUFF THAT MAKES ME FEEL SUPER HAPPY… HE’S SO FREAKING GOOD…. HIS PRESENCE IS A GIFT IN ITSELF, BUT HE MANAGES TO GET ME LITTLE GOLD THINGS ALMOST EVERY YEAR WHICH I LOVE SO SO MUCH. GAFNEY IS THE BEST.” 

Jor: “TORIXI’S GIFTS HAVE BEEN GETTING INCREASINGLY MORE AWFUL AND I WILL ADMIT - NOT TO HER, BUT TO YOU - THAT WHAT SHE GOT ME THIS YEAR DID MAKE ME CRY. IN A BAD WAY.”

Jor: “I’VE BEEN TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT.” 

Jor: “ANYWAYS, TEUKSI WAS THERE WHEN I WAS FEELING LIKE GARBAGE AND SHE SHOWED ME THAT ONE VIDEO ON GRUBTUBE OF THE LITTLE ANIMATED CATS IN A BAND - MITCHIRINEKO MARCH, I THINK IT IS? - WHICH… MAN, THAT VIDEO HAS PROBABLY SAVED MY LIFE.. AND I GOT TO LOOK AT HER HERMIT CRABS MESS AROUND FOR A WHILE. THEY’RE SO DANG CUTE. MAKES ME MISS MY PET LOBSTER A LITTLE BIT BUT THAT’S ANOTHER TORIXI-RELATED THING I TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT. TEUSKI NAMES ALL HER CRABS THE WEIRDEST THINGS, LIKE MINUET JEEVES, LEONARDO DAPINCHI AND HIS SUPPOSED BROTHER LEONARDO DESNAPRIO, SMALLEST SPICE, FIFTH-THIRDINGTON, MAMDRE WHO IS THE TROLL ARTIST DRE BUT ALSO A SPANISH MOM BUT ALSO A HERMIT CRAB… YES. SHE ACTUALLY NAMED A CRAB THAT. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A SPANISH OR A DRE IS, BUT WHATEVER. MINUET JEEVES IS MY HOMEBOY BECAUSE HE, LIKE ME, IS SMALL AND HIDES A LOT BUT IS STILL FILLED WITH RAGE. WHAT A LEGEND. I JUST WISH MY LOBSTER FABLED BABY JEEVES WAS HERE TO SEE HIS COUNTERPART AND THAT TORIXI HADN’T… YOU KNOW.” 

Jor: “RIGHT NOW WE’RE ALL IN SUGAR-INDUCED COMAS BECAUSE OF THE SHEER QUANTITY OF POCKY AND LINDT CHOCOLATES WE CONSUMED, BUT THERE’S A SMALL CHANCE THAT WE WON’T GO INTO DIABETIC SHOCK AND LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER YEAR. ESLIBETH’S BEEN DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET US TO EAT THINGS OF THE VEGETAL VARIETY - HAH!!! WHO IS SHE KIDDING? SHE SHOULD KNOW US BETTER BY NOW.” 

[dazzledbybooks]

The Bold Type meets The Social Network when three girls vying for prestigious summer internships through a startup incubator program uncover the truth about what it means to succeed in the male-dominated world of tech. This summer Silicon Valley is a girls' club. Three thousand applicants. An acceptance rate of two percent. A dream internship for the winning team. ValleyStart is the most prestigious high school tech incubator competition in the country. Lucy Katz, Maddie Li, and Delia Meyer have secured their spots. And they've come to win. Meet the Screen Queens. Lucy Katz was born and raised in Palo Alto, so tech, well, it runs in her blood. A social butterfly and CEO in-the-making, Lucy is ready to win and party. East Coast designer, Maddie Li left her home and small business behind for a summer at ValleyStart. Maddie thinks she's only there to bolster her graphic design portfolio, not to make friends. Delia Meyer taught herself how to code on a hand-me-down computer in her tiny Midwestern town. Now, it's time for the big leagues--ValleyStart--but super shy Delia isn't sure if she can hack it (pun intended). When the competition kicks off, Lucy, Maddie, and Delia realize just how challenging the next five weeks will be. As if there wasn't enough pressure already, the girls learn that they would be the only all-female team to win ever. Add in one first love, a two-faced mentor, and an ex-boyfriend turned nemesis and things get...complicated. Filled with humor, heart, and a whole lot of girl power, Screen Queens is perfect for fans of Morgan Matson, Jenny Han, and The Bold Type. Screen Queens by Lori Goldstein Publisher: Razorbill Release Date: June 11th 2019 Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary, Realistic Fiction Review: Screen Queens by Lori Goldstein is such a fantastic book. This is something that we needed in the book industry. With how fast pace the tech industry is, I think we forget that women still struggle with the same things in every industry. In a lot of ways women have gained freedom but we still don't win in the workplace. I think that comparing this book to The Bold Type is pretty accurate. This book focuses on three girls that join an incubator tank to design a new app. It is about their struggles of being girls in a program and with trying to prove themselves because they fact that they are girls. I love how much empowerment this book gives girls and women alike. Lucy, Maddie, and Delia are all at ValleyStart for their own reasons. Delia is ready to be a part of the tech world. She is at ValleyStart to make her parents proud and to try to break into an industry that she loves. For Delia this is an opportunity of a lifetime. For Lucy this is an opportunity to meet big wigs in tech as a future CEO. All she wants to do is prove to her mom that she can accomplish her goals in life without her. Maddie is at ValleyStart to build her design portfolio. These three girls are thrown together to build an app together. I love that this story is told in the three perspectives of these young women. I feel like this really helped the reader get the full picture on what is going on at ValleyStart. I really enjoyed that these women were thrown together and became friends The had lots of issues along the way but in the end they were there for each other and that is how women should be. We should be there for each other rather than tear each other down. Goldstein wrote an amazing book. I really loved this book and I thought that Goldstein did an amazing job. You should definitely read this book. There is so much empowerment for women.  Favorite Quote: Because that's how they were all related. The women that came before, the women of now, and the ones to come. All empowered. For the future they'd create.  Five Things Every #TechGirl Needs 1. Snacks. Long hours of planning and coding demand snacks. Many startups and tech companies have fully stocked kitchens with food and beverages available for free around the clock. Sneak into one and you’re likely to find everything from organic granola to acai bowls to honey lavender lattes, jugs of cold brew with almond milk, and of course, ramen.2. A cool phone case. You never leave home without your phone, so why not use it to showcase who you are? Your favorite artist, motto, book (ahem!), stamp your phone case with it! Your favorite vacation spot, dog, cat, turtle, whatever, one flash shows the world your personality and what you hold most dear. Don’t let your phone go naked!3. Headphones. For times when you are head down, deep in coding, drawing, or whatever your passion is, you need to block out the world and focus. A great set of wireless headphones is key. Skullcandy is making headphones designed specifically to fit women. Pretty cool.4. Collaborators. In the world of a tech, a unicorn is someone who is a tech genius, a wizard able to do it all. If you aren’t a unicorn yourself, the best thing to do is surround yourself with collaborators who complete the skill set needed to create the next killer app. Lucy’s the project manager, Maddie’s the designer, and Delia’s the coder. Together they form a formidable team, and the apps they create prove it. Get yourself a squad!5. Thick skin. Here are the facts: Only 20 percent of tech jobs are held by women even though women make up more than half the workforce. The number of female computer science majors has dropped in the past two decades by more than 20 percent, down to just 18 percent. Only 11 percent of executive positions at Silicon Valley companies are held by women. Here’s what we do about it: Encourage more girls from a young age to think of STEM as a career path. The more women who enter the field, the more role models these young girls will see. It is a cycle that will feed itself. Yet it won’t be an easy road. Women entering this field are sure to encounter some of the discrimination and harassment that the girls in SCREEN QUEENS do. They face this with the strength that comes from knowing someone has their back. So along with that thick skin, make sure you have a team and support one another every step of the way. Excerpt: Four. Still. Only four.Lucy shifted in the hard wooden chair across from her mom’s desk and clutched her phone tighter. She swiped up and down with such force that her Caribbean Blue Baby fingernails would have scratched the glass had she not been diligent about using a screen protector.Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Snapchat, Facebook . . . Swipe, swipe, swipe. The likes, favorites, followers, friends . . . she had enough. Enough for her ranking on the Pulse app to be higher than four.Four?Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe.The pink plastic bracelet the bouncer had secured around Lucy’s wrist danced up and down the same way she had last night, after name-dropping her way into the hottest new club in San Francisco’s Tenderloin District. The fact that she didn’t actually know Ryan Thompson, founder of Pulse, was a technicality that would soon be remedied.Her ♥ our fingers are on the pulse ♥ tee only given to Pulse employees opened doors closed even to most of Silicon Valley’s elite. She’d snagged it from a hipster-preneur six months ago at a party in Fremont. He was so busy claiming he left Pulse of his own accord (uh-huh) because his eco-friendly (read: nonprofitable) idea was going to change the world (i.e., drain his bank account) that he scarcely knew what he’d lost. All it took was a deftly spilled cocktail, an exorbitant dry cleaning bill, and Lucy’s favorite tank (note: pomegranate margaritas don’t come out of silk), but it was worth it.Soon she’d have one of her own.And she’d no longer be a 4.♥♥♥♥Really?The likes on her Instagram story from last night alone should have bumped her up to a 5. Thumping. But here she sat. Still at 4. Still Thudding.She stared at the string of hearts on her Pulse profile knowing that, somehow, this was all because she was wait-listed at Stanford.And that, Lucy knew the exact “how” of: Gavin Cox.Freaking Gavin Cox.She shouldn’t have done it, but her blue fingernail moved on its own, navigating to his profile.Level 6. Throbbing. Gavin Cox was Throbbing and she was Thudding. If only she possessed a male member and a wingspan like Michael Phelps, she’d be Throbbing too. But now that high school was over, winning state would no longer be a crutch for Gavin, and his Pulse would plummet. He’d be lucky to be Beating—a measly 3.Lucy was tempted to knock her mom’s expansive cherry wood desk. But Lucy Katz didn’t believe in luck. Lucy Katz didn’t hope. Lucy Katz didn’t dream. Lucy Katz did.She knew what she wanted.And it wasn’t this.Thudding and wait-listed and this drab third-floor office in this mud-brown building in this sad little Sunnyvale office park.So it wouldn’t be.Tired of the edge of the chair digging into the soft underside of her knees, she scooted forward until her wedge sandals reached the floor.Her mom was twenty minutes late.As usual.Lucy knew enough to show up for their scheduled lunch a half hour after its start time, but she was on time.As always.Lucy planned like other people breathed.Which was why she wasn’t nervous about Stanford. It was a blip. A minor inconvenience. Nothing that an internship at Pulse wouldn’t wipe away like a hard reset on her MacBook Pro.She stared at the gently tanned skin of her exposed ankles and wiggled her toes, enticing circulation to resume after being dangled two inches off the floor despite her heels. She pulled her pink-and-white-striped notebook onto her lap and leafed through the pages, refreshing herself on all the notes she’d taken thus far on ValleyStart, the summer tech incubator program she was about to begin. The five-week competition ended with one team winning an internship at Pulse. If she succeeded (please), she’d spend the rest of the summer at Pulse with Ryan Thompson. And Pulse, well, not even Stanford could ignore a pedigree that included Pulse.Satisfied it was all already committed to memory, she closed her notebook and stared at the shiny gold L floating on the center of the cover—the only Hanukkah gift she’d received last year, sent in a FedEx envelope from her mom’s assistant.She tucked it under her arm and stood, passing by windows that looked out on row after row of blue, red, black, white, and green hybrid cars lined up like Crayolas in the parking lot, the closest the office came to having a pop of color. A four-by-six double frame propped beside her mom’s three monitors was the only personalization in the room.One side held Lucy as a baby, swaddled in her mom’s arms with her dad looking off to the side, toward the London office he’d soon head. The second photo once again displayed the three of them, this time on graduation day, just a few weeks ago. Her dad had scheduled a week of meetings before and after in order to attend.Two milestones in Lucy’s life, as if nothing had happened in between, with the frame leaving no room for anything to come.The graduation photo hung crooked in the frame. She could just see her mom hurriedly shoving it inside with one hand, typing an email with the other, while on a conference call with Singapore, Melbourne, and Dubai.Lucy set her phone on the desk. She pulled off the cardboard backing to straighten the photo and out fell the slip of paper behind it: a smiling baby—not Lucy, simply the picture that had come in the frame. How long had her mom kept that other child beside Lucy? Long enough to forget to print one to take its place, long enough to no longer notice that she should.On the desk, her phone vibrated and lit up with a text.ValleyStart: Team assignments are in! Meet Your Mates!Lucy’s arm shot out like a rattlesnake and her notebook fell, knocking into one of her mom’s monitors.“Lucy!” Abigail Katz entered the room and rushed forward in her expensive flats.“Got it!” Lucy’s tennis-trained reflexes saved the monitor before it took down the others like dominos.Considering Lucy had read and re-read the acceptance packet about a thousand times and been waiting for the past two months to see who she’d be spending the next five weeks with, her restraint in not jumping on the ValleyStart portal instantly was extraordinary.It’s actually happening.Her pulse quickened, and she was almost dizzy as she circled one way around the desk, back to the hard chair. Her mom rounded the corner from the opposite direction, adjusted the tilt of the monitor, and sat down in front of it.With the seven-inch height difference between them, Lucy could only see her eyes. And the tiredness in them.Lucy would never deny that Abigail Katz worked hard.But that was all she did.“I’m sorry, Lucy.” Abigail smoothed the ends of her chin-length bob. The barest hint of gray dusted the roots—a constant battle, waged every three weeks as she colored it back to brown. “They needed some guidance in a branding meeting that wasn’t on my schedule.”“Right,” Lucy said.Abigail reached into the top drawer of her desk and pulled out two protein bars. “Just a quick lunch, then, okay?”Peanut butter. Lucy hated peanut butter. “Sure.” She peeled back the wrapping. Not even peanut butter could ruin her ValleyStart high.“All set for tomorrow?”“Packed the car this morning.” She bounced (just a little) in her seat.Abigail stopped chewing. “Not an Uber or Lyft?”“It’s ten miles.”“Right. Ten.”Half the number of fender benders Lucy had been in. Who has time to spend learning to be a perfect driver?“Fine. Whatever.” Lucy pretended there was no judgment in her mom’s question and forced a bite of the peanut butter. “I’ll leave the car.”“Better plan. You won’t need it anyway.” Abigail set her own half-eaten bar down. “You have to focus. Palo Alto High School may have been competitive, but ValleyStart’s in another league. The top startup incubator for high school graduates in the country with only sixty accepted out of—”“Three thousand applicants, I know.” An acceptance rate of only two percent. Two. Stanford’s was four. The sole explanation . . .Freaking Gavin Cox.The only other applicant from her high school to make it into ValleyStart.Lucy pushed her heels into the floor and all thoughts of Gavin where they belonged—in the past.“I’ve been focused, Mom. I’m certainly not going to stop now.” Top ten in her class, 4.8 GPA, tennis all-star, two marathons under her belt, and still a lecture on being “focused.” Lucy regretted the bite as her stomach churned.“Nothing wrong with reminders,” Abigail said, just as one dinged on her computer and phone in unison, the sound as familiar to Lucy as the squeak of her bedroom door.Lucy stood.“Wait. It’s just . . .” Abigail’s eyes slowly drifted from her three monitors to Lucy’s expertly draped off-the-shoulder tee and perfectly cuffed dark-wash jeans. “I’ve always given you freedom because you’ve shown that you can handle it. Up until now.”Now meaning not getting into Stanford.“But with this, with this new world you’re entering, well, I just want you to be aware of the pressures and the importance of how you present yourself.”“Present myself? I’m not a poodle in some dog show.”“That’s not what I meant.”“Then what do you mean, Mom?”“Letting off steam in high school is one thing, but now you’re an adult.”“So I’ve heard.” Her mom had repeated the same phrase ad nauseam since Lucy’s eighteenth birthday three months ago.“Believe me, Lucy, it’s no secret how little you’ve wanted to heed my advice lately. If and when that changes, you know where to find me.”Right here in this same baby-poop-brown office you’ve lived in since I took my first steps . . . which, naturally, you missed.Heat rose in Lucy’s chest, and all she wanted to do was give her mom a reminder: that the phrase was “work hard” and “play hard.” And the playing bit could yield the same—if not better—results as the working. Connections made things happen. Just ask her Pulse tee.“Sure, Mom.” Lucy brushed her hand through her long dark hair, forgetting she was still holding the brick of peanut butter. She picked a crumb off a strand by her chin and watched as her mom slipped on her computer glasses and turned the world right in front of her eyes crystal clear, blurring everything else beyond—including Lucy.Lucy headed for the door. “Just one small thing . . . in order to give me freedom or anything else, you’d actually have to be around.”She didn’t wait for her mom to look up; she simply wrapped her hand around the metal knob and closed the door behind her with barely a sound, making sure she “presented herself” properly.How am I even related to her?Lucy only made it halfway down the hall before she slowed, leaned her head against the crap-colored walls, and tried to stop her heart from racing.Level 7. Seven hearts was Racing.Like everyone her age, like everyone in the world, Lucy knew the Pulse levels as well as her home address. “What’s your Pulse?” were the first words off of anyone’s lips upon meeting, the first background check determining worthiness for everything from friend to blind date to party invites, probably even job offers.The brainchild of Ryan Thompson when he was only a year older than Lucy, the app amalgamated an individual’s likes, favorites, views, thumbs-ups, and more from every major social media platform, translating it to a simple Pulse level, ranking you from zero, Dead, all the way to ten, Crushing It. Over time, as the app evolved, Level 10s became top influencers, the people everyone wanted to be or be seen with. Advertisers and the entertainment business soon realized that Level 10s’ smiling faces could increase sales and media coverage. Now, 10s got complimentary everything, from the newest iPhones to dips in Iceland’s Blue Lagoon. To be a 10 was to live with all the perks.Once Lucy and her team won the ValleyStart incubator, Pulse would be her second home for the rest of the summer. The prize of an internship at the most successful tech company in the past ten years was worth more than any amount of money.She’d use it to her advantage. Starting now.Lucy opened the Stanford portal and did what she’d wanted to do for weeks, since she was accepted into ValleyStart. She requested a second alumni interview. She knew it was irregular, but she explained that she had new information she was delighted to share—namely the incubator.Lucy then lifted her chin higher and straightened her top. As she passed by the largest office—a suite—she ran her finger along the three little letters on the nameplate: CEO.Pulse would secure that future.At the elevators, Lucy logged into the ValleyStart portal to find not just the names of her teammates but her assigned mentor: Ryan Thompson.For the first time since arriving at her mom’s office, Lucy smiled. About the Author: Author of SCREEN QUEENS, coming from Razorbill, June 11, 2019, and available for preorder now (Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and IndieBound) about three teen girls who attend a startup incubator in Silicon Valley and learn what it means to compete in the male-dominated world of tech. My Young Adult Contemporary Fantasy series Becoming Jinn and Circle of Jinn is a modern spin on the traditional tale of wish-granting genies (Feiwel and Friends/Macmillan). Obsessed with books, beach, and Game of Thrones, Find me at @loriagoldstein and follow my blog and sign up for my newsletter at http://bit.ly/24E6Zjn, my Instagram at http://bit.ly/2x7UFhf my Tumblr at http://bit.ly/1Mbzk8a. Like my author page on Facebook for fun book-related photos, tidbits, and happenings as well as news on upcoming releases. Giveaway: Prize (1): Win a copy of SCREEN QUEENS by Lori Goldstein and two swag packs (US Only) Prize (2): Win (1) of (20) paper doll character cards for Lucy, Maddie, and Delia (INTERNATIONAL+US/CAN) Starts: June 18th 2019 Ends: July 2nd 2019 a Rafflecopter giveaway Tour Schedule: http://fantasticflyingbookclub.blogspot.com/2019/05/tour-schedule-screen-queens-by-lori.html June 18th The Unofficial Addiction Book Fan Club - Welcome Post June 19th Moonlight Rendezvous - Review + Favourite Quotes The Reading Corner for All - Review + Favourite Quotes Young Adult Media Consumer - Review + Favourite Quotes Devouring Books - Review Confessions of a YA Reader - Promotional Post June 20th The Book Thief Without Words - Review Snark and Squee - Review Kayla Reads and Reviews - Review Wall-to-wall books - Review June 21st The Hermit Librarian - Interview Book-Keeping - Review + Favourite Quotes A Few Chapters 'til Love - Review + Dream Cast Hauntedbybooks - Review + Favourite Quotes Bemused Bibliophile - Review June 22nd L.M. 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