#AND THAT AINT A LEAP OF FAITH

[an-absolute-trainwreck]

Don’t be sad

Breathe by dom fera :)

[syn-odics]

sometimes theres a song and you need to get it drilled into the inside of your skull

[theloverscardtarot]

Joe And Doja TEA!!

and tea is what we have folks

So, I want to start out by saying, please don't come at my girl @shamrock313 about her reading because mine started off so optimistic that I laughed until I snorted. Then, I realized what was going on.

General Energy

The Sun, 10 of Cups, 3 of Cups

Based on the readings we have been getting, yep, my jaw dropped too. First the sun fell out, I let out a snort, said yet right, and put it back in. Then 10 of cups fell out. Huh? So, I was like ok I need to cleanse Joe's optimism off of my deck from my previous readings. So, I cleansed and asked again, and Three of Cups fell out. Ooooook, now I see.

So, basically what these three cards together are saying is that they have found some common ground amongst each other and decided to just be friends. Maybe they feel like they can support each other without actually being seen together. The sun is about joy and happiness, 10 of cups is finding balance and harmony. And three of cups represents friendships. Maybe even celebrating with friends. Or in this case "yay we've friend zoned each other!! Let's throw a party"

I know this could look like they might be together celebrating with friends, so I asked their POV and I stand my ground.

Joe's POV

King of Cups, 3 of Swords, 7 of Sword Side, Fool Side,

I feel like Joe has reached a sense of emotional maturity and has decided he can take control of his feelings. That coupled with 3 of swords tells me that there's heartache and grief but he's dealing with it maturely. He may feel he has control over it.

7 of Swords Side + Fool Side

These cards together suggest they took a leap of faith but had to be sneaking or dishonest about it. It also suggests things not being brought to light just yet. I feel if this is PR they are going against them. It also suggests avoiding confrontations. This is Joe's POV, so I think he started the conversation, but of course they are separated so he felt this was the right time to act as not to cause immediate conflict.

Doja's POV

Magician Side, Emperor

Doja Cat aint happy about this. Magician side tells me she might have at one point felt she had the power and control over this situation (omg made me think of the ring at the concert). But now she feels powerless. The Emperor suggest Doja is trying to protect herself or she may be seeking support from an older male figure. She's setting boundaries and she is trying to maintain control over her feelings at the moment. The cards that are coming up tell me this won't last long.

What's next for Joe and Doja

King of Swords Side, Judgement Side, 5 of Wands Side

So, this tells me there is upcoming conflict and disagreement between Doja and Joe, but it's going to possibly lead them to make decisions that are mature and grounded in reality. The King suggests that Joe will be the logical and mature person in the situation. This will signal a transformation that will make them face their past actions and achieve personal growth. It suggests the truth about their relationship will come to light and they may be able to make a fresh start.

Ace of Wands, 10 of Swords, 6 of Pents

This may suggest a bold action has been taken and there will be a fresh start for both of them. The 10 of Swords suggests being exhausted and broken down, but also can suggest an end of a cycle. The 6 of Pents is about generosity and charity. Either this is something Joe or Doja may be involved in, or it means that this is a possible future for one or both of them with a new relationship. One that is based on generosity and a healthy balance of give and take.

[thewollfgang]

I have almost reached the middle of the sketchbook I'm using exclusively for Astarion. A lot of pages are just down right embarrassingly bad and I'm still trying to find the right style (I'm leaning more towards realistic(?), at least on paper, I think). Weirdly enough, I haven't done much digitally despite the frustration I feel when I try reaching for an undo button on my sketchbook. XD I'll be focusing on digital next though so I can color without worrying that doing so would ruin the drawing.

It's been raining (finally) nonstop for a few days now and it's put me in a very artistic mood. Nothing like sketching and hearing real rain instead of the recordings they use as the background noise in the scary story comps I listen to. I would love to sit on my porch with my sketchbook if I wasn't afraid of getting sick again. The aesthetic isn't worth it lol.

Game wise, I have robbed almost everyone in the tower, just because, and have done the trials in the gauntlet. The most frustrating was the Faith Leap Trial, especially when I realized the answer was right there on the floor. I got hella spooked when I thought it wasn't going to give me a choice on whether I wanted to go to Shadowfell or not after I accidently clicked on the portal. I'd like to think I'm not missing anything but I will do my usual wandering before entering, just in case.

there is something truly awful at the way tumblr formats asks so i read this message yesterday but had to wait till I got on my computer to format a proper response.

Every time you mention drawing Astarion I go and make a few drawings myself. I got a new phone with a little stylus thingy and I really adore the way the notes app handles the digital pencil too. It feels really authentic but I can still hit the undo button XD so we are in a similar boat! Astarion has one of those faces that I feel like I have to draw a few dozen times to get the hang of, plus i get annoyed with his hair and how swoopy it is so i just doodle a bunch of squiggles and call it good.

I've been sick the last few days so I haven't done much besides lay around and drink lots of Sprite and Gatorade. God bless antibiotics for real. I have been playing bg3, but not on my main game, but on two other multiplayer games I have with my friends. It's interesting to play different versions of Act 1 and make different choices. (Somehow, I'm romancing Astarion in all three????) I cheated just a little with the Leap of Faith trial cause you can hit the O key and put yourself in tactical mode and see the path XD cheap, I know, but I aint bovvered.

In my main game I am still overwhelmed with Act 3, but I managed to get a few things done, but STILL have not found Orin in her other disguises, but I did find a bunch of very sus toys in a creepy dude's basement. So there's that. I think the desire to explore everything is a detriment to me in this Act since it's simply so large and there's so much to do. I need to take it in little chunks and small quests at a time. I'll get there! .......Eventually!

[animescapist]

ANIME REACTIONS YUBISAKI TO RENREN Episode 1

I've seen some gifs of this around tumblr. I'm not really sure if I would like this one, but it's decently rated in AniList so I thought to give it a try. And so, here we are.

Oh? That's cute.

I'm sorry, but has there been no one else who was this kind to her then? I think you would be unlikely to easily feel attracted to them just through that interaction even though it was a wholesome moment. You only feel like that when this sort of thing happens rarely for you. That's why I asked what I asked earlier. I don't mean to sound critical of that kind of viewpoint, but it is odd to me. Hmm, well, whatever. She felt an attraction to him, noted.

What? Her mother doesn't know sign language? Mom, you should learn it. (°ㅂ°╬)

Yuki reminds me of myself, not because I'm deaf. I don't talk much because it's simply too bothersome to verbalize my thoughts (as in I can't really keep up with my thoughts), and so I just do body language and facial reactions. I can go a day speaking only under 300 words. And on average a person can speak 6k-16k words per day.

An example of how I extremely exhibit this behavior is when I want to call someone's attention but they're far away, I don't call out their name. I would instead just catch up to them and tap their shoulders, and then utter the most minimum words I can to them to get my point across.

That hadn't cross my mind. Do deaf/mute people wish they could be multilinguals? I mean, that's probably not what she was thinking here. But, what are their thoughts about multilingualism? Cause for me I've always liked the idea of learning a different language. I'm trying to learn German and Japanese. But do deaf/mute people have that urge to learn languages, I wonder?

Oh! Now that would make my heart skip a beat.

AYOOO he's even holding her hand! AYOOOOOO! This is a big deal in Japan, right? YOOOOO. Oh my gosh, I'm blushing. AHAHAHAAHHA

DUDE'S AINT ON A WAITING GAME BRO. HE'S ALREADY CONSIDERING LEARNING SIGN LANGUAGE. Well, that could also be because he just likes to learn languages.

I know watchu thinking, Yuki. To you, it's a small world cause you were able to find him like this by chance. But he's a traveller by heart, so he would think the world is huge. BUT I KNOW YOU, YUKI. I SEE YA.

Wait, what? Brooo. They're just flirting right off the bat! Bro. If next episode they don't date, I'm losing it. This is so obvious. It's clear as day.

Oh my god, no way. In just one episode they made it work. Oh my god. Finally! No beating around the bush bs. I love this! This is awesome! Wow. I did not expect it to be that quick. But you know what, sometimes in real life it works just like that. So guys, don't be afraid and take that chance!

He smells trouble. I'm sensing an insecure fellow.

Well, I expected to cringe watching this since I don't normally like romance genres, although they still give me chills sometimes. It's not a favorite genre, that's all. But I really like that they're not going for a slow burn or a pesky route of chasing or pining for each other. Here, the characters have a great sense of their emotions, and they're willing to take a leap of faith. I like that very much. So I am going to continue watching this series for sure.

[soysaucevictim]

This has been talked to death so I aint gonna enable RBs here.

But one of the amusing dimensions about the /hj tone indicator to me... is that language inherently has a lot of contradictory ambiguity to it. We even have a word for that, contronyms. (Which just delights me so much as a thing.)

It's the bread and butter of wordplay, of coded speech, of puns, of double entendres, of euphemisms, and dysphemisms... which I just think is fascinating mostly from a descriptivist perspective.

Sometimes being obtuse is the goal. And sometimes redundancy is intentional.

(That said, it's one I don't really like using in practice. It's often time a leap of faith, trusting interlocutor to pick up what you're putting down with that one.)

[importantpersonlove]

Does it make me a bad person for loving someone else even though I am happy with my life? It makes me feel bad because I want to keep both of them in my life. I care about the both of them. One gave me a family, love, and the other one makes me feel safe and whole. I know I am not in love with him because when I try to think of reasons why, I can’t come up with anything other than, he never fought for me, he lied to me, he played with my emotions. Whereas the one who gave me a family always fought for me. He loved me wholeheartedly, and never failed to show me every day. He cared about me and saw me at my lowest point. That should give me enough reason to leave and carry on with my life, but I would be lying to myself if I did. One of the things that I am not doing anymore is lying. I am embracing everything whether or not it is the right thing to do. I have been tearing myself apart over the years, I allowed myself to think that gaslighting, sex manipulation, and verbal abuse was fine and normal. I went a couple of years trying so hard to keep things happy even if it tore me apart. I never expected to finally be pushed to the end, and that was when he realized that I was really going to leave this time. I was done. What kills me is that I didn’t even feel anything when I watched him hurt. That’s how I knew that I didn’t have anything left in me to give. He took every little piece of me and crushed it up every time. I am trying to heal; I can’t forget about it though. I can’t forget all the times he made me feel worthless. I guess I can give him a chance though, to keep his promise that he will change. 

Nobody is perfect and I don’t expect anyone to be. I am not perfect. I have always accepted their flaws; I have always loved them wholeheartedly. I never wanted to change them. 

Everyone tells me that I need to forget about the other guy. That he just keeps me around to satisfy his happiness, to make him feel better about himself. That if I keep allowing it to happen, he will always come back when he is bored with his life. They tell me that I keep hurting myself by going back to him. But like Zach Bryan says, “Break me down and beat me blue there aint a kindness on the planet that compares to you, In the dark of the night or light of day, I’ll long for you tomorrow as I did today...” “I’d rather be ruined by you, than be loved at all”. It’s so easy to say that I would fall madly in love with him, if only he would let it happen this time. I wanted to take the leap of faith and move to Nashville with him, but the Lord knew it wasn’t the right time. He wasn’t ready for love, and I wasn’t ready to fall. There are so many girls out there that can talk so bad about him, and I don’t blame them because he has done a lot of shitty things to me too. The only difference is that I can see the good in him, pass all the nerdy shit and selfishness. I can see that he is just a broken person who has never been loved properly. I fell in love with all the good parts of him, not necessarily his words because he is really good using his words to get you to believe him, but I see that when he cares for someone or something, he does it with his whole heart. He will give everything to help someone even if it means it leaves him with nothing. He will hide his pain, his hurt if it means he can make someone else happy. When you need someone, he is always there to run to. He makes you feel safe. But like everybody else he has his flaws and he’s made his mistakes. I wish I would have gotten to know him better. I wish that I could say I was in love with him. I think it worked out like this for a reason and I am okay with that. I am not in love with him anymore, we aren’t living back in high school. but being with him, reminded me of the good person I know he is. It felt like we never stopped being friends. that is what keeps me coming back, I want to see him happy and in a better place even if he doesn’t want me in it. I thought it would be awkward and uncomfortable, especially after 7 years, and when it didn’t feel like that it scared me. I knew I couldn’t lie to myself again, I cared about him, I wanted to make sure he knew how I felt, even if he didn’t feel the same way. I needed to make sure he knew that I loved him. Life is too short, and I would beat myself up if I never got the chance. It makes me feel like a bad person because my husband knows everything, and even after I told him everything, he still loves me and forgives me. He allows me to hold onto whatever I can for the other guy. I think the Lord brought him back to me for a purpose, and whatever that purpose was I will embrace it for however long it lasts. I know that when the timing ever gets right, he gets his life together, I will take that leap of faith that I walked away from almost 8 years ago. 

and even after that, he still loves me, forgives me, and listens to me now. 

[marictheirins]

A LEAP OF FAITH HUH. ASSASSIN’S CREED AINT IT. HUNTERS BETTER HAVE THE BEST ORNAMENTS OR I SWEAR TO GOD

[letitrainathousandflames]

.

[carmeloanthony]

Word Association Musicals Playlist (songs from my phone)

Proud of Your Boy > A Boy Like That/I Have a Love > Can You Feel the Love Tonight > Seasons of Love > Under the Sea > By the Sea > Side by Side by Side > Always Look on the Bright Side of Life > For Once in my Life > For Good > Good Morning, Good Day > One Fine Day > No One Else > No More > No More Tears (Enough is Enough) > Enough > If Your Faith is Strong Enough > Out of Your Head > Out There > Something There > Something to Believe In > It Must be Believed to be Seen >Wait for It > Wait for Me > Grow for Me > Cry for Me > Don’t Cry for me Argentina > Don’t Say Yes Until I Finish Talking > Say My Name > The Name of the Game > The Chess Game > Two-Player Game > Two by Two > It Takes Two > Take it Like a Man > I Can Make You a Man > What Baking Can Do > Do-Re-Mi > I Can’t Do It Alone

[mindonmymoneyandmoneyonmymind]

did donna die?

Donna Troy of Themyscira?

Well wtf was superboy doing getting a fucking ice cream cone?? Was he talking to krypto or some shit? What about rachel she was just twiddling her thumbs, huh? WHY DIDN’T THE PEOPLE MOVE SIDEWAYS AWAY FROM THE POLE INSTEAD OF MOVING LATERALLY! THEY WERE LITERALLY JUST WALKINGGGGG NOT EVEN RUNNING!!!

SUPERBOY! He's literally kryptonian and standing RIGHT FUCKING THERE!!!! HE STOPPED A SPEEDING BULLET AND COULDN'T STOP A LIGHT POLE FROOOOOM FALLLLINGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IF RACHEL COULD HELP BRING HER BACK TO LIFE WHY WAIT UNTIL DONNA IS IN THE CASKET DUMB BITCH?????

I TAKE BACK EVERY FUCKING COMPLIMENT I SAID ABOUT THIS FUCKING SHOW ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!??? SHE'S HALF GODDESS. PLS PLS SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UPPPPPPPP

No because half of the team use superpowers (kory excluded i know she has performance issues) but no one stopped to help donna? Huh? SUPERBOY WAS LITERAL INCHES AWAY! What's the reason for "killing" her off? Like I know she will be back. But why??? WHY??!!! I hate this show. I hope Jason and Blackfire kill them all. I'm dead srs. LMFAO

No, but why not end with a happy note or like a healing montage of them doing downtime shit hanging out whatever, and dick talking to Jason. Jason telling Dick he just needs space right now, and then suddenly there is an alert for a heist in progress. Dick looks to Jason who says he gonna sit this one out. Dick wants to talk more but he can't Jason says "Go. They need you." Dick leaves and goes to the scene of the heist to see all the other titans already there suited up. He says Titans GO! Cut. Cut to an ominous teaser of whoever the next starter villain for season 3 is.  Just play that blackfire scene we got at the end. 

Not sidelining a character before we even got a chance to really know her...

[sparklyslug]

hey on the subject of springsteen what're your favorite bruce songs? since you're a new jersian i feel like your opinion on this matter carries extra weight

ANON!! You are speaking directly to my heart and also my ego right now. This is a serious matter and I have given it careful consideration. Just know that I am bop-driven bitch so while no disrespect to the ballads is intended, they just like. Aren’t my favorites. I respect their artistry and brilliance they just don’t generally get the repeat playlist treatment. A Bruce favorite is one you can scream defiantly while you drive down the Garden State Parkway, that’s not my rule that’s just divine law.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER I MADE MYSELF STOP AT 10

Badlands (okay I lied the order applies here, this, this is my favorite of all time number one. A religious experience to scream along to this one. For the ones who had a notion had a notion deep inside, that it aiNT NO SIN TO BE GLAD YOURE ALIVE I wanna find one face that ain’t looking through me I wanna find one place I wanna spit in the face of thESE BADLAAAAANDS)

Dancing in the Dark/Born to Run (grouped together because like. Am I human? Do I have a soul? These are the two Bruce songs that are just faves as a matter of course, we simply must state them and move on)

Shackled and Drawn (the VOCALS the BEAT the driving relentless gorgeous BEAT. A song to punch God to. Wrecking Ball is a righteous fist of an album)

Lonesome Day (I’ve been listening to The Rising on repeat this week just cuz and while that album as a WHOLE is brilliant and hit at a time in my life and the whole post-9/11 of it all for max impact, but this one has to carry top pick because of the tragedy, the optimism, the determination, the grief, the absolute burner of a beat under it all. Fucking A)

High Hopes (the SWAGGER of this song, the banked rage behind a cocky grin)

Radio Nowhere (this has been a running playlist mainstay for years, not least because of how it fits with my running app, Zombies Run my beloved. Post apocalyptic excellence)

I’m on Fire (the sexiest song. Just of all of them, all songs ever. Am I making up that it’s the most-covered song of all time? If it’s not, that’s still a believable myth to me. Because the Night could occupy this spot as well, since he did write it for Patti Smith and it’s HOT AS FUCKING BURNING, but I’ll stick with my first impulse here)

Leap of Faith (the first Bruce song I fell in love with as a young lil thing, listening to the Boss with my dad 🥹)

Brilliant disguise (I love how relatively quiet and soothing and lullabye-like this is and how it slowly builds and builds and builds as the despair and suspicion and fear sets in. The howl on well LOOK at me baby struggling to do EVERYTHING RIGHT gets me every time)

The Ties that Bind (I’d be hauled out of town and deposited on the Pennsylvania border if I left off The River, and this is my River bop of choice)

I feel moved to add a few honorable mentions, covers that I actually like better than the original: Atlantic City by the Hold Steady, Because the Night by Patti Smith, and Bruce himself with the new arrangement for Born in the USA on Springsteen on Broadway, setting the record straight on one of his most mis-interpreted songs with a vengeance)

[riofann]

Rio Random 2.0

Part 1 

Once again you and Aunt Brenda are at a tennis tournament. It had been weeks since your last interaction with Rio 

“So what’s going on with you and that fine young thing what’s his name?”

“Don’t know who you’re talking about” you fib 

“You know that one with the tattoos” 

You sigh “Rio Aunt Brenda?”

“Yes, yes him. Mr.Rio”

You shrug “I don’t know.... nothing”

“Have you even tried talking to the man” by now she knew the details of how you two met and how you three found yourself in this situation 

“I don’t want to be lied to” 

“You never know he might tell you the truth honey” she retorts playfully hitting your arm 

“No he lied for so long what’s the difference now?”

“Maybe the difference is that he no longer has to lie and you two can move forward”

“Can we just watch the match”

She puts her hands up “Sure sure but it would be a shame to let that go”

Your head whips around and now you’re beyond irritated. It was hard enough trying to get over him, her talking about him wasn’t helping “It was a shame for him to lie to me whose side are you on?” 

“Yours! Yours! I'm sorry honey. I just want to see you happy” she soothes sensing your irritation 

You’re shoulders slump and you lean into her “I know”

“Just reach out” 

You take in a deep breath as you think about it. 

~~~~~You took the leap of faith and did as Brenda instructed you two were to meet at the local restaurant a little upscale, quiet and private. However you find yourself wanting to curse him out the second you see him.

He rushes over “heeyyy mama” he says smiling at you

You cut your eyes at him “30 minutes!” you scold

He chuckles “I’m sorry”

“30 minutes Rio and you couldn't send a text, been blowing me up to meet and then you show up 30 minutes late?!.... wow”

He leans over and kisses your cheek “tranquilo mami”

He knows what that does to you and immediately you take in a deep breath and blow out slowly 

“I'm sorry okay i was handling something” he says as he seats across from you 

“Okay”

“You look good” he compliments

“Order your food!” you bark now hangry

“Si mami”

“Don’t” you roll your eyes 

He chuckles “my bad my bad”

You sit and watch as the waiter walks up and he orders his food putting his phone face down he leans back on his chair “so what’chu wanna talk to me about?”

You shrug “Nothing now”

“Come on I said i'm sorry” He gets up and pulls the chair closer to you, so instead of sitting across from you, now he was to the right of you. 

“Why didn't you send a text?”

“I couldn't”

“Why not?”

He leans forward, staring you down “Y/N”  he gives you a look “cuz i couldn’t” 

And for a moment you had forgotten who he was and what he did

“Oh” you utter coming to the realization of just why he couldn’t 

“Yea I’m sorry I’ll make it up to you” 

“Okay”

“So......” he drawls leaning back in his chair, taking a sip of his drink 

“Sooo you dance and play tennis?”

He smiles “yea calms my nerves”

“What could possibly make you nervous you're Rio”

“You have no idea” He smirks 

“What else?”

“What else what?” 

“What else do you do that I don't know” 

“I prefer you don’t find out and I’m not bout to tell you” 

You roll your eyes “Anyway....Why did you lie to me?”

“So you don’t have any other hobbies”

“I prefer you find out the natural way, I don’t want to have to tell you” 

“It's complicated”

“We have time......” you say as you cut the appetizer with your knife and fork “....or do you have something else to prioritize” you speak with an attitude laced in your words.  He hates to admit it but he missed your sass. It was always funny to him the pencil pushing good girls had the worst mouth on them. 

He smirks and sits up straight. “I’m here”

“So I was some sort of front?” you had slowly pieced things together however you didn't know why 

“Yea at the beginning but not anymore”

You can’t help but roll your eyes “Please”

He sits up and leans closer to you “Stop rollin yo eyes at me” he speaks so calmly but there's a threat lying underneath that tone 

You huff “Fine” 

“I aint lying to you tho”

You look at him for a moment before you decide to speak again and resist the urge to roll your eyes. It's more difficult than you imagined. Your facial expressions were a main form of communication for you. 

“So what are you gonna do about Krystal?”  What was he really going to do about apparently being in another relationship with another woman simultaneously?

“Ima take care of it” 

“I don’t know! maybe” you argue 

“How?” you snap, he raises his brow at you before taking another sip of his drink,  you pause before you speak again “.... Maybe you shouldn't..... maybe if you talk to her.... I don't know.... reconcile” 

“You sayin  i should go back to her?”

“Nah she ain’t for me” 

“And I am? I don't know your world!” you comment

“I don't want you to”

“So how can we be together if you only show me a part of you?”

He leans forward again, speaking slowly to add emphasis “Y/N, I don’t want you to. I just want you there I don't want you to ever feel like you gotta pick up a gun to prove a point or protect yourself”

You take a deep breath “and you think i won’t have to do that eventually?” 

He looks at you with his typical nonchalant  face “nah i got you” 

“I don't get it why did you even fall for me if I was just a facade?”

“I didn’t plan this shit. It just happened plus i got tired of feeling like all i did was take care of business 24/7. Who wants to be talking about cappin someone 24/7? I couldn’t even have my son around me when she was there! Plus I trust you. I trust you more than her and even tho she knows that side of my life i know you wont sell me to the wolves” 

You leave it at that because you feel like he would never tell you the truth, and you also felt like he was talking in circles, so you choose to proceed with caution. 

As soon as you arrived home later in the day you’re tired and ready to go to bed. Too many mixed emotions. Did you like Rio? Yes, Did you think your relationship would ever evolve into something more? No? Maybe? What is your relationship with him ? Side chick? Booty Call? FWB? BF/GF?  

“Hey!” You hear from behind you as your place the key in the door lock

“It’s okay, what's up? Why are you here?” you remember what Rio had said about her

Your body jumps, a natural reaction seeing that you were deep in thought and unaware of your surroundings “Oh my god!” The familiar voice however reduces the panic you’re feeling “You scared me!” you turned to face Krystal

“I’m sorry” 

“Oh I just decided to pay you a visit, mind if i come in?” she flashed you that smile, you were beginning to hate it

“Sure!”  you opened the door and let her in first “want something to drink?”

“Here you go!” 

“Yea what you got?”

“Liquor, wine”

“Oooh do you have Bourbon?”

“Yes”

“Bourbon on the rocks” Your mind flashes back and you remember all the times Rio had ordered Bourbon on the rocks and it made you sick, to think the entire time he was there with you his mind was with her

“Thanks!,” she pats at her leg “come here sweety” she speaks to your dog ‘Coconut’, instead of walking over Coconut looks between you two and opts to lay at your feet. “Ugh my dog does the same thing” 

“So why are you here again?” You were over this ‘visit’ already

“Have you talked to Rio lately?”

You find it odd that she would ask about Rio the same day you had lunch with him “Yea, had lunch today” no need to lie she probably knew 

“Hmm” she hums as she takes a sip of her drink “did he talk to you?”

“About?”

“Me and him?” she looks at you wearily, playing with the glass in her hand

You shrug “Umm just said you two were exes” 

You close the door and look at Coconut who barks at you from the stairs, “I know, i feel the same” 

She perks up, smiling at you “oh yea!” she takes a deep breath  “I’m sorry I should have told you but I didn’t, we are really good friends and I got caught up in the moment, I was drunk” you take note of her quick change in behavior, if they were truly exes she would have told you before she even introduced you two 

“It’s okay”

Quickly she finishes her drink without saying much else other than“Well i should probably get going it's late”

“Yea thanks for stopping by” you couldn’t wait for her to leave

“Yea! See you around” 

You opt to not even text Rio about Krystal's pop up at your house for all you know they were still seeing each other. However the ‘pop ups’ between Krystal and Rio were becoming a bit much. Weeks of them simultaneously showing up out of nowhere just to ‘chat’ were becoming unbearable.  By now it was obvious they were both stalking you. 

 The doorbell rang as you and Rio sat by the kitchen island ‘chatting’ it up. You hopped down and rushed towards down the steps in your split level home

“Hey!” you force a smile as Krystal walks in “We are waiting for you upstairs”

“We?” she turned to look at you from the foyer 

“Do you want what he has? Bourbon on the rocks” 

“Yea just keep going” you motion for her to climb the steps

It was as much as a surprise to her as it was to Rio seeing each other there

Rio runs his hand over his face settling it on his chin massaging it to ease his irritation. 

“Uh sure!” she says carefully placing her purse on the counter

“I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT! THIS TALKING IN CIRCLES! CONTINUOUSLY LYING TO ME! USING ME TO GET INTEL ON EACH OTHER!” 

“You can sit next to him you don’t have to act like he’s a stranger”

“Y/N” Rio begins but you cut him off

“SO! I don’t know what’s going on with you two! But I’m tired of the fucking pop ups! I don’t need to be scared half to death every fucking time one of you decides to pay me a visit! I don’t know how I’m connected to whatever fucking plot you two are concocting but i don’t want any parts of it”

“There’s no..” Krystal interjects, which only makes you even more angry and you just let it all out. So much for being calm cool and collected 

Both Rio and Beth look at each other 

“Sweety it's not like that” 

“DON’T FUCKING CALL ME SWEETY BITCH” 

Krystal in turn looks to Rio to fix the problem

You take a deep breath to calm down, you were getting too worked up you could feel yourself getting ready to cry. “I don’t care! i just want both of you to know I’m done with both of you go find another pansy to fuck around with!” you turn to Rio and face him dead on “Go find another woman to fuck with while you lie about how much you “care” about her!  Now GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE AND NEVER CALL OR PAY ME A VISIT AGAIN” 

Krystal alarmed by your yelling, is quick to grab her things, she never expected this to happen. Rio slowly eases down from his seat and grabs his keys before leaving. He was beyond furious at the moment. 

“Y/N can we just” Krystal tries to bargain again

“GET OUT!” It comes out as a high pitched shriek  

When they both leave you slam the door and lock it. You know it wasn’t the end of whatever was going on but at least you stood up for yourself. And now you can finally let go and let the tears out 

Your dog Coconut groans and you nod in response, pulling her in for a hug. 

“Rio!” Krystal calls as she rushes to his side

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” his jaw is tight hands in his pockets

“We need to talk” 

“NO! YOU NEED TO GO HOME! I TOLD YOU I WAS HANDLING IT”

“I know but,” 

~~~~~The rest of the week you didn’t hear anything from both of them however the following week after you arrive to work, parking your car in its usual spot you get out of hear the infamous Rio speak causing you to spin around 

“BUT NOTHING GO HOME AND LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE!”

He got in his car and slammed the door before driving away.  

“What are you doing here?”

“Get in the car we need to talk” he’s calm like always.

“NO! I have to work!” you stand your ground

“Y/N, I wasn’t asking”

“I don’t care! Leave me alone!” 

“I have to work Rio!” Without saying anything he starts to walk over to you. “Okay, okay, I’ll get in” you walk past him quickly and hear huff leave his mouth before he opens the door for you, you slide into the seat, you watch as he gets in his seat. He doesn’t even look at you but you can tell he’s still vexed. Jaw is still tight with a firm grip on the steering wheel. You don’t say anything but look out the window as you drive to an unknown location in town. It was a warehouse. You take a deep breath expecting this to be your last memory. 

He removed his hands from his pockets, this time placing them in front of him, he squints a little looking at you before he decides to speak  “get in the car or I’m gonna come over there and put you in the car”

“I’m gonna scream!” you threaten

He takes a few steps forward, which only caused you to retreat back “I don’t give a fuck! GET IN THE CAR!” he says more sternly and you would be lying if that didn’t frighten you

He scoffs “I’m not gonna kill you, if that’s what you’re thinking” 

How did he always know what you were thinking? 

“How long is this gonna take?” you ask looking around

“You might as well say you can’t make it in today”

You quickly text your boss and your car problems evolve into a bigger issue thankfully she understands and you feel at ease for now. You walk closely behind him as you approach the warehouse you can hear the chatter as you approach the building, when you do step in you're surprised to see a restaurant. 

The smell of coffee and pancakes fill the place. The young girl seats you two by the kitchen. You look around in awe, you had no idea this place even existed.  The place had an open kitchen concept so you could see the chefs and cooks working their magic and if you chose you could sit by the counter and watch. 

“Hi Welcome to The Barnyard! How many?”

“Two” Rio answers

“Sure” you answer apprehensively 

“You’re waitress will be Alyssa she’ll be with you shortly”

“Thanks”

“Hungry?” he knew you didn’t eat breakfast 

You two order and eat not without saying anything to each other. Once you’re done he gets up and motions with his head for you to follow him. You walk towards the back past the kitchen, past the employee locker room/bathroom, take a turn into the backroom where the bus boys cleaned the dishes,  past the huge walk in freezer and stop in front of a door where Rio knocks. The guy opens immediately, the door was heavy, like one of those safe doors you see in banks. You take a glance at the man on the other side of the door,  he looks meaner and scarier than Mick you thought to yourself. You continue to walk down a few steps that seem to be taking you underground to another door where Rio knocks once again and the same door as upstairs, when you step in, you walk into what seems like a huge operation. Your eyes take it all in on one side there are people counting money on the other they’re bagging it. Not to mention what seemed like illicit drugs being packaged.  Rio takes a seat by the table and watches.You sit down next to him and try to absorb it all. He doesn’t say anything for what seems like forever. 

“You said you wanted to know what i did so here you go”

You turned to face him “why are you showing me all of this, now?” 4 months you dated this man and you thought he was a local drug dealer who made it big, this was cartel level operations 

“Things have changed, I might be wrong in my approach to keep you in the dark, and we need to talk,”  he removes his jacket and takes out his gun, placing it on the table “Krystal isn’t who you think she is,

“I know you told me that” 

“Remember when she kept handing you zip-lock bags at the school luncheon, yea they all got your fingerprints. Bags filled to the brim with coke and heroin. There's a few storage keys hidden in your house, the feds would find those too, it would lead them to a local storage where they would find more money and drugs, your fingerprints are on those too. I asked you to hold on to them for me.”

“Her name is Beth Boland, you are a front. But it’s much deeper than that,” with his fingers he makes quotation marks “ ‘Krystal’ and I have an operation we are business partners, ended up fucking, emotions got thrown in the mix. She put 3 bullets in me.”  He stops himself from, feeling like he’s getting carried away. “Anyway the feds started to question her connection to me, she got nervous, and came up with the plan of you, you would be my “girlfriend” while we continued to work and fuck.  If the Feds started to look deeper they would see that the only reason she would be around me is because of you. But you being my girl wasn’t enough so we decided to plant some evidence in your house”

“What?!” 

Your heart sinks

“You were going to be the fall guy and that would in turn get the feds off of her ass, my ass too for now at least” 

You knew you were a front but this, you didn’t think it would be this, how could you be so stupid. 

“But Beth ‘Krystal’  is becoming more of a problem, plus i can’t just over look my feelings for you” 

“What feelings? Why did you even? Feelings?”  

“I told you i didn't plan it!” irritation spewed out in his tone, but it was more so at himself than you “I care about you mama, you my girl” 

You think about all the times you spent together, the few sexcapades you had, you feel sick to think it was all just part of the process, he was just going through the motions, whose to say he isn’t now? Maybe things are taking too long and he’s waiting for you to hang yourself with this new information. 

“You can ask me whatever you want, I ain’t got shit to hide anymore, plus I figured its the least I can do” 

“When did you start feeling differently, towards me?”

“About 2 months in” 

2 months?! That's all it took was two lousy months, for him to ‘care’ about you? You knew you were naivety but how stupid did he think you were? 

You contemplate calling the cops, FBI, hell the FBI would believe you wouldn't they? They already knew about them you were an innocent party

“I can see you thinking, just know if you go to the cops, they’ll do an investigation and since majority of them are on my payroll they won’t find nothing on her, they’ll instead turn their attention to you, with all that coke and heroin in your home, you wont see the light of day ever again. So whatever you’re thinking just know if Beth goes down, I go down and I’m not gonna let that happen whether you like it or not.”  There’s that Grade A ‘CARE’ you say to yourself 

You nod and wipe your tears away

“But I’m working on it.” 

You scoff, what could he possibly be working on other than nailing the last nail in your coffin

“If i wasn’t trust me you would be in jail right now” 

You swallow hard. This was a lot to process. You want to ask what he’s working on to get the target off your back but you don’t all you can think of is how you were one call away from being thrown in federal prison on drug trafficking charges. 

He doesn't say anything else and for the rest of the time you are in that warehouse you sit quietly just absorbing everything that was happening. A few men stop by to talk to him but he doesn’t introduce you, you sit there listening to the conversation. Even if the feds were to interview you right now, you wouldn’t know what the conversation was about. It was in code and so vague that you couldn’t piece anything together.  By the time you leave it's getting dark and you wouldn’t even remember how to get there. He pulls up to your car parked in the parking deck at work and gets out the car to open the door for you. You wanted to hop out and run to your car but you're frozen. 

“Y/N” he calls to you bringing your attention back to him “i’m working on it, i just need you to trust me”

You nod in response feeling the tears threatening to fall you begin to walk away but he grabs your arm lightly pulling you back 

“Her and Mick are there weekly and Mick leaves things a certain way if you go looking he will know, she will know, I’m trying to fix it mama i just need time, i just need you to operate as usual”

“You can’t go searching for them or she’ll know”

You give him a confused look 

You pushed him away, pulling your arm from his grip “Okay” you were done with him for the day, being around him made you sick, he literally plotted your demise and for the most part didn’t care about you, until recently. 

When you arrive home you look around and before you can stop yourself you rush over to the bathroom and throw up. When you've calmed down from your panic attack you walk around your home afraid to touch anything feeling like you were in a ticking time bomb, afraid that would be the reason the feds rushed over to your place. 

A/N: As always please tell me what you think! 

[justasmisunderstoodasloki]

okay im going to be real vage rn (for the second time because tumblr fucked up)

i get major anxiety form certain things i see on social media or when i think about it.

ik certain things cant happen in (my) life and i want and can accept that but my brain still goes back to painful thoughts which make me feel miserable and anxious again. idk how the properly say it, it just hurts me in general.

i also know that taking a social media break could help, but there is also a part of me that gets anxiety because im not active. im already less active, but i will not go on a full sm break because i have no life (most of the times im looking at memes and stuff and im too tired or drained to do smth else). however im not going to be very interactive. i want to but it takes energy to do so and sometimes i dont even have enough energy to be alive or do other things. ik this sounds like im down bad, but trust me i aint, sometimes its just one (or many) of 'those' days yk. i am trying though because i want and need to be more social, if i dont im going to feel more down

well now that im writing this, ill say this too:

this additionally applies to fics too. to everyone who tags me in their stuff (tagging some of those blogs @soft-haz @uglypastels @fanficparker @starlight-loki @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @its-a-leap-of-faith-kid) thank you for tagging me in your works, i really appreciate it. idk when ill read it (or interact) but i will eventually. ill also try to comment and all. still, i takes me a lot of energy. so i wont interact soon after you post it (unfortunately). i apologise though for not admiring your works like i used to do so.

i know (lol i say this a lot) that my blog is not popular and very known, but i still want this to be clear. maybe this is just for me because yea getting thoughts about whats really going on out of your head if too damn difficult and randomly happens

okay wow that was a lot and i hope that i wrote everything that i wanted to say probably not lol idk why i wanted to say this now and actually post it, anyway this has been on my mind lately

[simplystefanie-rae]

i was watching a clip of heroes day for a thing and i forgot how stupid, like adrien is all ‘marinette i got permission to come to your tasting macaron party!’ and mari hesitates since she didnt have anything and naturally adrien is just instant sad face, ‘you didnt bake enough pastries for me did you? : (’ like dude lol. and dont @ me with like ‘oh he just has social anxiety and is insecure’ this leap of logic he made is ridiculous lol. like yes adrien, marinette was like ‘im not gonna make any food for adrien and only adrien’. damn have some faith she wouldn’t single anyone out like that 

but seriously dont fucking @ me with adrien essays on his abused home life, i swear to god it aint that deep

[mc-dude]

Fingolfin for the ask thing? Thanks! ^_^

How I feel about this character

I love Ñolo. God, can u imagine the pressure this guy is under? he comes to beleriand ready to kick his brother’s ass and immediately loses his youngest son, his eldest goes on a suicide mission into the heart of enemy territory to get some Ass, and then gets handed one (1) nephew on death’s door and the high kingship of the noldor all in under like, two months. and this was after abandoning his wife of probably a thousand+ sun years and having to cross the helcaraxë for 30 years while his people dropped dead around him and his daughter-in-law fell beneath the sea.he gets to beleriand thinking like FINALLY i can kick my brother’s ass and then immediately gets handed 3920x the responsibilities that he had on the helcaraxë and is just like “…… well fuck someone has gotta be the adult here and maedhros is too busy disassociating to do it”. I love him.

the absolute PRESSURE this guy is under is wild. he held a siege against a GOD for 400 years. i am not shocked in the slightest that he gave in to despair in the last few hours of his life. like, fuck. his second eldest and his daughter also just rode out of there with his precious grandchild whom i am absolutely sure he spoiled ROTTEN and doted on with everything that he was, and this was AFTER he lost his youngest mind you, and he loses half his forces in a battle they were not prepared for. he just can’t fucking deal with it anymore dude.one last yolo, and i’m out, he thinks, and he’s valid.

another thing I just remembered and love is how he pretends to be not as petty as his brother but literally renames himself finwë ñolofinwë just to piss his brother off like, politically but also linguistically. he’s such a younger sibling i love it.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

his wife I suppose. I just think of ñolo as my Dad so i don’t wanna think about him bonking anyone djakls. i dont really begrudge his wife for not going with him and perhaps they can make up when he gets ressed.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Írimë! Him and his sister are fucking bros until the end and you can’t change my mind. Lalwen is his sparring partner and his confidant, his most trusted advisor beside his son and she was the only one of his siblings to come with him across the Ice. She commands one of his armies, Fingon another and he the third. I hc that she dies in the Dagor Bragollach and that is the final push that ñolo needed to charge melkor :-( She stays in the halls with Ñolo until he’s ready to leave even though she could have left a long time ago. THEY ARE BEST BUDS!!!!

My unpopular opinion about this character

Uhhh I have some hc, I don’t know if they’re really unpopular…….The Ice changes him to the point where he can command it at will with a Song. His fortress at Hithlum is full of intricate ice sculptures that will never melt unless he wills it. Not really unpopular but I enjoy the mental image.Another thing, also don’t really know if this is unpopular but.. Ñolo didn’t charge morgoth to give hope to his people. He did not charge a God thinking that he would win, Ñolo was more wise than that. He wanted it to be over, and thought this the only way he could go without his people losing faith entirely when he was gone. He was just Tired man. and good god did he not fuck up morgoth the best that he could. an absolute legend. i hope he had a nice long rest in the halls.I don’t know if this is unpopular but I read this HC a long time ago and I’m gonna repeat it here because it was so good and I can’t find it now: Ñolo’s people sort of blame Fingon for being condemned to the Ice because he was the one that first lifted his blade of Ñolo’s people to jump to maedhros’ defense and a lot of them use him as a scapegoat on the Ice and give him a lot of abuse and Ñolo kinda.. lets them do it because he knows that his people need something to keep them going and he feels guilty about it for many years after, until his death. He doesn’t blame his son for leaping to maedhros’ defense, Fingon has always been hot headed and foolish for those he loves, but he wishes he would have been a better father to him when he needed him most. A sad hc but a good one IMO. I wish I could find that original post… fuck where was it..

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

I wish Turgon & Aredhel & Idril hadn’t left their father without a word for hundreds of years after he had just lost his youngest not like a hundred years past. Ñolo didn’t deserve that shit man. I wonder the Noldor would have won if Turgon had been at the Dagor Bragollach with half of Ñolo’s forces and highly trained Lords. Does anyone ever mention that? Turgon literally just does not show to the battle and Fingolfin’s people (and the Fëanorians but this post aint about them) get absolutely demolished which leads Ñolo to his desperate charge. And the eagle has the AUDACITY to bring Ñolo’s body to TURGON?? HE WASN’T EVEN THERE MAN…… what the fuck… Turgon literally just fucked off to play castle maker or whatever and showed up once it was too late, watched his brother die and then ran away. whack.anyways yeah. I wish his children had stuck by him, and I wish that the eagle had brought his body to Fingon who never left his side throughout everything. That was whack.