#AND SWEET FUCKING JESUS WHAT DID THEY DO TO MAL?????

[choices-binglebonkus]

That magical moment of seeing the Blades 3 AI cover for the first time <3

[intertexts]

ALSO OOPS I DONT THINK I EVER SENT YOU THE TRIVIA FOR 27?????? UH OH. OUT OF ORDER. this one is a lot shorter though so it's ok

EPISODE 27 TRIVIA:

- bizly opens this one in a baby voice "wewcome to just wolled wiff it!" absolutely insane

- charlie makes excuses for his cracked energy was because he was in the UK and tommy and ranboo were in the other room (TOMMYINNIT JUMPSCARE)

- Jesus is canon yet again. but only in vyncents world

- CONDI THOUGHT HAMSTER DANCE WAS A UNIVERSAL EXPERIENCE AT MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCES. and not just like. a youtube video that everyone knows. they played hamster dance at his middle school dance.

- speaking of which they've been overlorded again because the hamster WAS NOT ORIGINALLY A HAMSTER bizly did that solely because he has never heard hamster dance and wanted to be in on the joke

- charlie gets so worked up over the william short leg thing again and it's REALLY funny. bizly is like "I'll stop bringing it up when you stop having hilarious overreactions to it"

- "why the fuck did william make ice copies of dakotas parents that's so dark man"

"HE DIDNT MEAN IT TO BE !!!!! i think william is not very emotionally intelligent especially when it comes to stuff like this and he wanted to do something sweet for dakota. 'i know. Christmas is a great time for him to see his parents again because it's family and it'll make him happy!' without thinking about the moral implications OR the fact that they would come alive and try to strangle him"

grizzly: "dakota probably doesn't even remember Christmas with his parents"

charlie, REALLY far away from his mic: "WELL FUCK ME THEN"

- that was CONFIRMED mal trying to brwak through the barrier! charlie is TERRIFIED for williams sake especially bc he can't use his powers anymore

- condi: "hes pissed william isn't a planeswalker anymore and thats all he wanted you for"

charlie: "yknow! I dunno if william is a planeswalker anymore! he might not be!"

- WILLIAM WAS ACTUALLY BORN WITH A POWER!!!!! I forgot about this omg. so the one he was born with is called true sight and it means he's always been naturally able to see ghosts and monsters that normal people usually can't. YIPPEE

- he's also still got Kemuri's (smoke guy) powers obv ("that he regrets deeply every day"). they ARE in the spirit world and usually william wouldn't need a guide but since the wisps left him their guide is now master cole! if he were to leave/abandon them or whatever they'd no longer be able to stay in the spirit world. even william

- there are full versions of the colestyle gaming videos hidden somewhere on the patreon. fun fact. they're also talking about now doing one where william plays phasmophobia. or doing one with all 4 of them playing a game and bizly being tide. i don't think they ever actually did that but GOD i would kill for it.

- charlie was being annoying and grizzly responded with "I hope william stays alive *forever*" which sounds like it should be a nice thing to say but the way he said it was so absolutely scathing . brutal.

- quick mac detour theyre back to the game thing charlie says he wants to do a video playing elden ring as gillion and i NEED THAT SOOOO BAD. I miss gillion so much :(

- speaking of gillion idk why there's so much gillion trivia rn but charlie says the inspiration for his voice was "a combination of the spongebob narrator and my himbo fantasy" hello?

HOW HAS BIZLY NEVER HEARD HAMSTER DANCE??????????? yes this is what i'm taking from this. hello. how.

im so delighted w/ william thinking it's a great idea to make ice copies of his friends dead parents. god. NONE of the fucking prime defenders are emotionally intelligent they all have so many problems. prime traumatic stress defenders!!

ive said it like a billion times but i'm so fucking excited for the mal shit!!! i can't waittt!!!!! shaking him back n forth!!! wiwi torment nexus now!!!! also him being born with true sight is REALLY cool actually i feel like. this has been referenced on n off but i didn't realize it was actually a thing.. huh. i wonder if that's why the wisps targeted him. except their entire thing Is being seen so i dunno.!! cool... god. wiwi i love u wiwi... i want to go to deadwood i have so many fucking questions!!! why is the trickster there!! rift between worlds thats just coincidentally in his hometown!!! also i was just thinking ab kemuri's smoke powers im so glad he still feels awful using them :]] "i hope william stays alive forever" MEAN TO HIM!!! holy shit!!! wheezing!!

im gonna have a great time w gillion whenever i get around 2 riptide btw thats so funny. help. spogebob narrator himbo fantasy........

[dontcare77ghj]

Inked

Natasha x reader x Wanda

"You know those cause cancer, right?" Mal asked, entering your office. "And you're gonna stink out your office."

"The window's open." You shrugged, exhaling slowly and sending the smoke out the open window. "And you and I both know, cancer isn't something I'm scared of."

"Yeah, yeah, death licks your boots." Mal rolled her eyes, blowing a strand of blue hair out of her eyes. "Anyway, I'm going on break, Blaine's with a customer, and we've got a walk-in."

"I'll handle it." You promised, putting out your cigarette. "You going to pick up Erin?" You asked the younger girl.

"Yeah, I'm gonna drop her off with a neighbor. May offered and wouldn't let me refuse." She told you.

"Well, here. Get Erin something sweet for me." You said, shoving a twenty into her hands.

"Y/N, I can't." Mal started, trying to give you the money back.

"I insist." You cut her off. "I want to be her favorite aunt." You shrugged, forcing her to curl her fingers around the money. "Go, get your kid, and give her a hug for me."

"Will do, boss." She nodded before leaving.

"Hi, welcome to SkinPolish. How can I help you?" You asked, entering the main room to see the back of a man. He was looking over the walls of the store but turned at your entrance.

"Just so you know, I'm not here to get stabbed a thousand times," Clint told you with a grin.

"I think your day job provides you with enough of that." You joked, wrapping your arms around him. Clint chuckled as he returned your hug, pulling you close. "It's been too long, geezer."

"I know, you've got at least four more tattoos since the last time I saw you, you hoodlum." Clint teased you.

"It's been two years, Clint. Some of us had to change our identities." You reminded him, pulling back. "What are you doing here?"

"I need your help." He told you.

"Blaine, watch the shop." You said without taking your eyes off the man before you.

"You got it, Y/N!"

"Follow me." You told Clint. You led Clint out of the front of the store and into your office. "Clint, I left when SHIELD fell. I handed in my clearance and took off." You said, lighting another cigarette. "I'm not doing any more work for them."

"Don't be like that." Clint groaned, sitting on your desk. 

"First off, get the fuck off my desk. Where are the manners Laura shoved down your throat? And secondly, I can't come back. Fucking HYDRA was running SHIELD for years, and none of us knew. All our information was in their hands. Who knows what they took? I have people I care about, Clint. I can't risk anyone's lives." You told him.

"I'm not asking you to do anything for SHIELD. I'm asking you to help the Avengers." Clint explained.

"Even better, a more public job." You scoffed. "Clint, we're friends. We've been through a lot. I get why you're here, but why the fuck would I risk the people I care about for another mission?"

"Argentina." He said simply.

"That is a dick move, and you know it." You groaned, finishing your smoke.  

"I do know it, but I have to use it. We need your help." Clint said, rising from your desk to stand in front of you. "We need your help, kid. I wouldn't be asking if I had another choice." 

"Fine." You relented after a minute. "When do you need me?"

"Tomorrow," Clint told you. "I'll pick you up." He added before going to leave.

"You don't know where I live." You protested.

"Yeah, I do." Clint corrected you. "I'll see you at nine." He said, and with that, he was gone.

"Fuck me." You sighed, rubbing your hand across your face.

"Remind me why I agreed to this again?" You asked, watching as the Avengers Compound grew closer through the window.

"Because you love me," Clint responded cheekily.

"Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart." You rolled your eyes. "You never even told me what I'm needed for."

"Briefing's in half-hour," Clint told you. "Which gives you enough time to get acquainted with everyone." He added as the car slowed to a stop.

"You know how I feel about crowds of people." 

"It's not a crowd. It's the team and Maria. You're fine, kid, I promise." He said.

"Fine, let's get this over with." You sighed, unclicking your belt.

"Avengers!" Clint called as the two of you moved further into the maze of a building. "I have a surprise for you all!" 

"Is it a unicorn?" A male voice asked as you both entered what looked to be a meeting room.

"Even better. Gentlemen, and Wanda,"

"Smooth Barton." A redhead coughed.

"This is Y/N L/N." Clint continued his introduction. "A specialist in all fields, especially disguise, and the only reason we might do our job today."

"Oh, so I'm doing your work for you again, Barton? Nothing's changed, I see." You commented. 

"Hey! That's not true! Name one time that's ever been true!"

"I can list fifty off the top of my head." You said, raising a brow at him.

"I can add sixty-seven to your list." The redhead piped in. "Natasha Romanoff." She introduced herself.

"Pleasure Agent Romanoff." You smiled. "C'mon Barton, formal introductions, please."

"Yeah, Barton. Introduce us." 

"Y/N, this is Tony, Steve, Bruce, Thor, and Wanda." Clint gestured. "Are you all satisfied?"

"Not particularly, since you still haven't told me what you need my help for." You said, crossing your arms.

"You haven't even told her that. Jesus Barton." Wanda snorted.

"I was getting to that. I was waiting for you all to meet." Clint whined. 

"Well, we're met." You said, taking an empty seat beside Natasha. "C'mon, what am I doing here?"

"There's a gala tonight," Natasha said, handing you a file. "A man named Jayden Reeds is going to be in attendance. Reeds has stock in several large companies, but that's just a front. Reeds actually has ties to HYDRA and deals in human trafficking. From what we've gathered, Reeds kidnaps people who will seemingly not be missed. They're then delivered to HYDRA bases around the world and never heard from again."

"Am I here to kill him? Because I can get behind that." You said, shaking your head.

"Wait till you hear the rest," Clint told you.

"There is a possibility Reeds also has his own collection. He's been spotted with several women who have all disappeared shortly after."

"What's the connection between them?" You asked.

"They're all French brunettes."

"So let me guess, my job is to go undercover tonight and see if he takes the bait. And when he does, I bring him in."

"Bingo Boingo," Tony told you.

"Well, I guess I better find a long sleeve dress. Oh, and maybe a wig."

"You know, if I didn't know better, I would have assumed your accent was real myself," Wanda commented later that night.

The mission had gone as smoothly as could be. Reeds had fallen for your act believing you to be a young French brunette on vacation in America's busiest city.

You hadn't even needed to corner him as he'd followed you into a woman's bathroom with two other men. 

You hadn't given any of them a chance to move or say anything before you had them unconscious on the ground.

Now you were heading home, still decked out in your gala gown, with Natasha, Wanda, Clint, and Tony.

"It's not that good. No matter how much I practice, even my Italian's better than my French." You shrugged.

"Not that good?" Tony snorted, glancing at you in the rearview mirror. "Sweetheart, if I weren't engaged and I met you in Paris, I'd take you back to Hotel Plaza Athenee and show you a time."

"Cute, Starky boy, but you're not my type."

"I'm everyone's type."

"Sorry, hon, but I like women." You told him. "This is my stop." You added as Tony pulled over.

"You live here?" Natasha asked, looking around the neighborhood in distaste. You could understand her aversion to the area. Any one of your neighbors would move in an instant if given the choice.

"Yep." You said, unclicking your belt. "Been here since SHIELD crashed."

"Did SHIELD pay this bad?" Tony questioned you.

"SHIELD pay wasn't great, but it was something. I saved most of it, but a lot of it went to making sure Y/N Smith, the tattoo artist from the wrong side, wasn't connected with Y/N L/N, SHIELD agent." You shrugged. "Didn't see a point in moving after." You added. "This was fun. We should do it again sometime." You said, sliding out and holding the door open.

"We'll give you a call if we need someone to do all the work for us." Clint nodded.

"Great. Come by the shop if you ever want a free tattoo. Clint knows where it is." 

A part of you was sure you wouldn't see any of the team again. They led much more busy lives than you did, and their schedules were forever changing.

So imagine your surprise when Natasha and Wanda entered your shop the next day just to simply chat. And they continued to do so for a week. Sometimes Clint would come, Steve had popped in for a few minutes while on a run, but Natasha and Wanda visited every day. 

On the seventh day, the two came in at one in the afternoon with Tony.

"Hey, Tony. I didn't know you were coming to lunch with us." You said, continuing to lock up the shop. "I'll be ready in a couple minutes."

"Great, but there's been a slight change of plans," Natasha said, watching you closely.

"As long as foods still involved, I won't be too bothered." You shrugged.

"Food is involved. It's just going to take us a while to get to it." Tony cryptically informed you.

"Guys, I'm running on twenty minutes of sleep and caffeine. Please, no cryptics." You sighed, narrowing your eyes at the three.

"Relax, we're not trying to hurt your head." Tony chuckled. "We have something to tell you."

"But first, step this way, away from any possibly hidden weapons," Natasha said, gesturing you forward. "No-one should get a knife to the head because they shocked you."

"Haha." You rolled your eyes, walking forward. "For the record, I did that once. And Clint caught it." You added. "What did you three do?"

"Technically, Tony did it," Wanda said, pointing a thumb at the billionaire.

"Real smooth, Sabrina." Tony scoffed. "Alright, yes, I did this, but I did it out of pure kindness."

"Did what?" 

"I've had all your stuff moved out of your apartment. I've had it moved into a spare room in the Compound," Tony announced. 

"Put it back, Tony." You demanded, crossing your arms. "My things aren't yours to touch."

"You live in a shitty neighborhood." Tony defended himself. "You have eight security systems of your own just to keep yourself safe. You won't find a new place of your own volition, so I found one for you."

"Tony, you moved my things into the Avengers Compound." You sighed. "I'm not an Avenger."

"Yet." Tony cut you off. "You are more than qualified to join the team. The way you helped us the other night, the way you took those men out and got the information quicker than we would have done. You can be an Avenger."

"I'm not risking those closest to me." You shook your head. "I gave up Y/N L/N when I left SHIELD. I have people in my life now, civilian people, who could get hurt because of me."

"Than don't let them," Natasha said. "I've been through your records, know how many people you helped and protected. Protect those you love just as you did all the strangers. You can still lead this life as well as one where you can protect people again."

"At least try temporarily," Wanda suggested. "Give it a month trial period and see if you can remember what it feels like. If it doesn't work out, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. And if it does work, you can join our team. Please." She added, giving you puppy dog eyes.

"Fine. A trial period." You sighed, pushing your hair back. "But no more using those eyes. It's evil, and you know it." You said, pointing at the witch.

"Yes, she does." Natasha smiled, putting her arm around her girlfriend's waist. "C'mon, there's a car waiting to take us back to the Compound."

"Where Tony ordered lunch," Wanda added, putting her hand out to you to take.

"At least he did one thing right." You joked, taking her petite hand.

"Hey!"

You had been staying at the Compound for almost a month. There were four days before the end of your trial period, but you hadn't made your decision yet. 

There was still a part of you that thought it would no longer be safe for the civilians in your life if you joined the team. If you entered the Avengers, you might have to give up this identity and everything and everyone that came with it.

But there was something about being around the team that ignited a spark within you. A spark you long thought had burned out. You longed for adventure, for that adrenaline rush that came with being undercover and the pride you felt at helping someone. 

You were torn between two worlds. Torn between two personalities.

"Jesus Christ, you smell like an ashtray," Natasha complained as she suddenly appeared by your side. You snapped out of your daze just in time to see Natasha take the smoke out of your hand and take a drag for herself.

"Didn't know you smoked." You commented, watching her exhale the smoke slowly.

"I don't. Not anymore." Natasha shook her head. "Just couldn't resist."

"Don't expect me to kiss you until you brush your teeth," Wanda said, skipping into the room and crossing her arms as she stared at the two of you. "I want a tattoo." She announced, staring you dead in the eye.

"Okay. Do you want me to find a parlor for you in the morning? I have a couple friends who owe me a favor or two." You suggested.

"No, I want you to do it," Wanda told you firmly. "As soon as possible if you would." 

"And you're sure about this?" You asked, raising a brow. "You're sure you want a tattoo and that you want me to do it?"

"Yes." She nodded.

"Alright, then. Follow me." You said, leading the two back into the Compound and into your room.

"You have a gun and inks in your room?" Natasha asked, looking your makeshift parlor over.

"Yep. Set it up the night I arrived, gave myself this the next." You said, lifting your shirt to reveal the healing tattoo on your hip.

"Geez, you know most people drink a bottle of scotch to welcome themselves to a new place? Not give themselves a tattoo." Natasha informed you.

"Probably." You nodded, beginning to set up your station. "Okay, Wanda, what did you have in mind?"

"I want the words, 'Ty namnogo bol'she' to wrap around my wrist," Wanda said, tracing around her thin wrist with her finger.

"Alright, I can definitely do that. But you might have to write it down for me. My Russian's not that great." You informed her.

"We'll have to work on that," Natasha said as Wanda began to write it down.

"Alright." You began after Wanda handed you the spelling. "Let's get started."

"I love it." Wanda smiled, watching as you gently wrapped her wrist. "It's perfect." 

"I like to do my best." You grinned, putting the last of the tape down. "Make sure that stays moist. And do not scratch it under any circumstances." You instructed her as you began to shove your equipment away in plastic tubs.

"You need a better system," Natasha commented. "Yours is kind of a mess."

"I'll update my system when I change this room around." You said, looking around the nearly bare room. Everything you owned was in plastic tubs or bags. You hadn't been bothered to unpack yet.

"Does that mean you're planning on staying?" Natasha asked. "Have you made your decision yet? To join the team or not?"

"Not yet. I'm still trying to decide." You sighed, leaning against the wall. "I like not giving a shit. I like waking up in the morning and paying too much for a shitty cup of coffee. I like going to work and being around people who've never had to see the shit we have. I like not having to feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, but I miss it. 

I miss being a part of a team. I liked saving people. I enjoyed going on missions, creating new personas to get what I needed done. I miss being around people who've seen the shit I have. Who know what the weight of the world feels like. 

Now I don't where to go. What I need more in my life." You told them.

"We told you, you don't need to pick one world," Wanda said, standing from her stool. "You can still save people and drink over-priced coffee. You can still be with people who share your trauma and be with those who don't. You don't have to pick one world."

"Can we help your decision along by us asking you out to dinner?" Natasha asked, breaking your pensive silence.

"Excuse me?" You asked, for once being taken aback by another person. "I think I went temporarily deaf there. Can you repeat yourself?"

"Let us take you on a date," Natasha repeated slowly. "We were thinking about dinner and wine and then a night at the opera." She said, causing your nose to scrunch up without thought.

"She's kidding." Wanda giggled. "Actually, we were thinking we get a couple beers, order a pizza, and watch a movie in our room."

"Can I pick the movie?" You asked her.

"With your crappy taste, no." Wanda shook her head.

"Okay, now she's kidding," Natasha said, taking three steps forward to stand beside her girlfriend. "Of course, you can pick the movie."

"And this wouldn't hurt your relationship?" You asked tentatively. "I wouldn't ruin what you already have?"

"You could only add." Wanda smiled.

"So, what do you say? You wanna go on a date with us?" Natasha questioned you.

"I'd love to."

"Go away.” You groaned, rolling away and under the covers into Natasha’s body.

“Wakey, wakey. Up and at ‘em you two.” Wanda ordered, pulling the blankets off the pair of you. 

“Wanda!” 

“Both of you will forgive me when I tell you I have coffee.” Wanda rolled her eyes, sitting on the bed beside you.

“The overpriced kind?”

“What other kind is there?” Wanda asked. “C’mon sit up or no coffee for either of you.”

“Alright, alright, we’re up.” Natasha said, sitting up with you on her chest. “Thank you, sweetheart.” 

“I love you.” You groaned after taking the first sip of your steaming beverage.

“Are you talking to me or the coffee?” 

“Can’t it be both?” You shrugged before grabbing her hand and kissing her palm softly.

“As long as there’s love for me too, it can.” Natasha told you.

“I love you too, Nat.” You promised, kissing her collarbone.

“After today’s meeting, I want you to give me a tattoo.” Natasha announced. “I don’t care where is is, but I want ‘YA zasluzhivayu lyubvi’.” She told you. 

“Alright then. I like this plan.” You smiled, looking up at your girlfriend. “You know I think I’m due for some new ink myself.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you can choose for me.” You shrugged. “I trust you both, always.”

Once, you left SHIELD and it’s lifestyle behind. And then one day Clint Barton walked into your shop and brought you back into it. 

He brought you back to the life you missed and brought you to Natasha and Wanda.

Remember all Taglists are open as are requests. 

Taglist

@rvgrsbrns @smilexcaptainx @hopingforbarnes @starlingelliot @piper-koko-barnes-rogers @jelly-fishy-babie @skeletoresinthebasement @agent-barnes40 @reann-loves-sebstan @skadikh @summergeezburr @buckybarton03 @sunshinepower17 @bindythedemon @natasharomanoffismywife @keenmarvellover @bbybarness @storiesbystarlight @buckybarnesplumwhore @bromieeeomieee @marvelmenarebeautiful @niki-is-a-thing @pauloonig @abyssiniapleasant @beautybyfire @officalmarvelbaby

Natasha Romanoff Taglist

@natasha-danvers @5aftermidnight @ohfuckno

All women Taglist

@imnotasuperhero

[balmasedas]

desperado / druglord!javier peña au. 

chapter one.

summary: reader is a dea agent. violence has arisen in the streets of colombia and she's determined to bring javier peña to justice. things take an abrupt turn when, instead of her finding him, he finds her and realizes they got much more interest in each other than just drug-related topics. 

warnings: only +18. overall, this is smut so smutty. canon violence. detailed warnings in every chapter. spanish traductions are in the notes, though for the sake of non-spanish speakers, spanish dialogues will be minimal and not relevant to the plot.

word count: 2.5k.

You throw your sweater in the backseat of your car before exiting it. In the morning, you had dug through your boxed-up winter clothes after shivering in your shirt-sleeves as soon as you got out of your department. Now, the temperature has risen to the seventies and you give yourself a clap in the back for deciding to wear something decent underneath. Spring in Colombia is a nightmare.

The crime scene is packed with local police and DEA agents. There are no civilian spectators this time, they know better than sticking their noses in the Medellin's cartel businesses.

Upon your arrival, you don’t need to identify yourself to the uniformed men guarding the perimeter. They know you well by then. You are the only female in the team that has to deal with these kinds of situations —gruesome, gut-churning, dirty shit. Not a very much "lady-like" job, some would express. For that, you have earned yourself the title of a gritty woman. Maybe because you were gritty, maybe because you were a woman.

Sometimes, though, you find yourself wondering why you turned down some run-of-the-mill desk job back in Virginia. It would’ve been a dull routine, for sure — hideous, even; but gossiping about some flash romance between two co-workers is less taxing than having to witness five rotting corpses at first daylight. 

"Jesus Christ," you lift your sunglasses to your head. Your partner, esteemed, weary agent Steve Murphy, turns around at the sound of your voice. 

“You’re up early.” he asserts, with a raised eyebrow. 

You purse your lips. “Had a bad night. Ran out of whisky at one am.” 

Not even Hugo, or Hughie for his gringo friends, could help you. You forgot that his daughter would be celebrating her birthday and his all-night store would be closed until the next morning. Normally, you would own an arsenal of alcohol, but it has been an abnormal week and a hell of a night —starting with the spiral of violence that has arisen in the streets of Medellin.

"Well, look at the bright side: your stomach is empty," Murphy mumbles.

Looking at the bodies in front of you, you can’t agree more: their hands are tied-up to the oxidated wire behind them, hanging by their arms. They are barefoot and scantily clad. There is a visible gunshot wound in all of their front heads, some flies are already hovering around the open flesh. A quick death to eternal torture, you suppose.

"When did you get the call?" you inquire.

He fiddles with his wristwatch. "About two hours ago." you only hum in response, keeping your eyes in front of you and paying no mind to Steve who only grows impatient at your silence. "You think this was Peña's job?" he adds.

You nod in denial. "If it was, it doesn't make sense." Not one bit. "Peña works underground, quiet, like a sneaky rat. I'd even say they're more well-behaved than most cartels. So why do this?"

Why such a declaration of violence? Why draw even more attention from the authorities? 

"Maybe he decided to toughen his punishments?” You scoff at his remark.

“He can do that without half the city knowing it. A ditch is much more subtle than a monument to death blocks from the US embassy.” 

Murphy smirks. “Seems that you have given it a thought before, Sarchie.” you narrow your eyes. He knows you hate that nickname. Your tendencies to boss him around had brought you consequences: the unofficial title of a Sargeant. Sarchie, shortened and friendly.

“Killing someone? Yes, you. Multiple times a day.” you put your sunglasses back on and walk away. The forensic police won’t be there until the next half hour, at least, and you are too disquiet to wait around. Plus, your stomach is growling, but Steve doesn’t need to know that. “We’re gonna need their names, I’ll see what I can find. You have a little chat with the coroner and see if they can speed up the autopsy. The sooner the better, ok?” you spot the smirk on his face. You know what he’s thinking. You shut your car's door and point a finger at him through the window. A clear warning sign in your eyes. “Shut the fuck up and do it.”

(,,,)

Happy hour. You give up on the investigation and stop off at ‘Chiquita’, a popular local bar near your place. The prices are cheap, the drinks aren’t that good but they do the job. The place is crowded — hot couples with wet, glowing skin grinding against each other. Happy or horny or both. You take a mental note to have some fun later. 

As you sip at your bourbon and crack your peanuts, you let yourself dwell on what you found out about your case. You finally got the names of your five guys. For that, much research wasn’t needed: All of them had their IDs in their pockets and they were exactly who you feared they were: no ones. No ties to any big names, no official involvement in any cartel — at the most, a few minor possession charges. As for weeks, your few clues have led to nowhere and the enigma surrounding the Medellin cartel seems to worsen with every minute that passes by.

You hate mysteries. Colombia’s full of them. 

You take your second bourbon in one smooth shot and ask for another. You grab a colombian peso from your wallet and slide it across the wood. Your eyes stop at the picture of your parents that you carry around. It’s tiny and worn, just like your relationship with them. They haven’t heard from you in weeks, a fair deal, if anyone asked. They don’t have to deal with their fucked up daughter and you can focus on your work filled with dead ends and a ghost that haunts you while you’re awake: Javier Peña.

“¹Qué tomas, preciosa?” a velvety voice caresses your ears. A pleasant smile breaks quietly over your lips. Just in time.

You turn your head to the side. The stranger, with chocolate-skin and inviting eyes, is waiting for an answer. You tap your fingers against the glass.

"Bourbon," you say. "²Pero no me vendría mal un trago más." he grins and holds up two fingers to the barman. He sits at the empty seat beside you, he’s exuberating confidence. He’s offered you the bait and you'd taken it.

"³Algo más que se te ofrezca?"

You look him in the eyes. You know how the story goes from there. It isn’t any different than the one from last night, or the night before. As an apex predator, he's out for something to satisfy his hunger. He won't go home without reaching his goal and you're desperate enough to let him.

"⁴Sí. Hay algo más que puedes hacer por mi."

(,,,)

The fucking cat on the window has been staring straight into your eyes for the last fifteen minutes. Matias, the guy you've met hours before, is too focused on you to notice the awkward presence of the animal, so you don't bother shooing it away. 

He's enjoying himself, pounding into you in a symphony of lust bites and moans. But the sound of skin on skin doesn't match the intensity of your passion for this encounter.

It's not that his performance was terrible, it was just... soft. So soft, too soft. From the sweet nothings, he gasps on your ear to the gentleness of his grip on your hip. 

You aren't a sweet girl. If you were sweet, you wouldn't have traveled all the way down to Colombia to participate in the war on drugs. If you were fond of delicateness, you would've stayed inside and touched yourself to a Cristina Peri Rossi novel instead of searching for strangers at bars.

You don't like to believe you are a special case. On the contrary, you assume your attitude is the rule and not the exception. Not a hell of a woman, but a woman made of hell – waking up already worried about the hours ahead of you. How could you not? Your life is as wide and empty as the sky. Unstable, unpredictable. Anything can happen. A good meaningless fuck is the only moment you allow yourself to feel something — someone. By then, the detachment that gets you through the day disappears and raw feral emotion takes its place. 

You are addicted. It's like a drug, but worse. Drugs don't have feelings, people do.

You’d grabbed Matias' hand and wrapped it around your neck a few times but your request had been ignored; you’d even pushed his ass against your body so you could get closer to a feral touch, but he had insisted on something more caring and delicate. 

And delicacy just won't do. 

So, after a few tries, you give up. You lay still, under his heating body, dead eyes directed at your window. No emotion whatsoever, no release. Like a numb, stiff sex doll, rooting for his satisfaction. Forgotten until next time.

“⁵Donde?” he blurts in your ear. You evaluate your options quickly. 

“⁶Adentro.” Any other place would demandsñ more attention. By then, he would be aware of your passivity and asking too many questions. You don't answer questions, you make them.

His body tenses and trembles. You feel heat dripping between your legs but it doesn't come from you. He leaves a few small pecks on your neck — thankfully, the last ones for the night. Matias breathes over you for a few seconds before he gets off. You stare at the roof in silence, and when he asks if you finished, you simply nod.

You can't grasp what he says under his breath after you ask him, as nice as possible, to leave. What he does or doesn't vocalize, it doesn't matter. You won't be repeating with him. You never fucked the same person twice. 

Once you hear the front door shut, still resting on your bare skin, you lit a cigarette. The room is void of artificial light, and the cat is still in the same place, with his silhouette contoured by the gleam of the moon.

"Sneaky bastard." you chuckle, then get up from the bed and slowly approach it.

You stop at the wooded frame of the window, maintaining your distance. Not too close to scare him or him to scare you. He isn't a friendly guy. He isn't even yours — just a grumpy cat that stops by your department too often demanding some food. You tried to get him to come inside before, but all you had won from your offers were a couple of scratches. Nonetheless, the cat has seen more of you than many people have. So, even though you renegade from him, you found yourself inevitably attached. He's the closest thing to a family, after Murphy, of course. But Murphy hasn't seen you on your worst, yet.

"Hope you see the same shit I see." you grimace and shake your head. "Not like that, I mean... I should choose better who to fuck with. And they should choose better too." the cat remains silent –obviously– and you keep talking. "You could make yourself useful and spook them away before I have to." he meows, you roll your eyes and decide to leave him alone. "Then again, I could do it myself if I told them I hold long conversations with the stray cat that lives in my window."

You choose to take a bath and call it a night. You glide through the living room, though before you can reach the bathroom something stops you. There's a noise outside, some glass breaking down on the streets. You can ignore it, conflict isn't a foreign subject in Colombia, especially at late hours. But then it repeats itself a second time, and the third bugs you too much for you not to grab your night robe and take a look at it from your window.

The only light pole is out of order; there's not a soul in sight; music can be heard from afar. You see nothing out of place until you do.

Your car is parked across the street. All four windows have been smashed, the tires are flat. You barely waste time cursing before you flee out of your place. You thought the night couldn’t get worse but the world has a disturbing obsession with testing your patience. 

Once you take a step outside and approach your damaged car, you’re not sure where your chills are coming from. Perhaps, because of the unfriendly weather or maybe because you’re suddenly aware of how idiotic was your decision to go outside. 

Everything inside your vehicle is left untouched. There weren't objects of value anyways. You find no logical reason for someone wanting to wreck a car just because —yours, of them all.

Big red warning signs color your mind. Your eyes scan your surroundings with speed. It's a dark, lonely dessert. You're now sure that what happened isn't some random event. The victim could've been to another person, but you weren't just another person.

"⁷Discúlpeme, señorita." a voice throws yourself far from the source. You reach for your gun just to find nothing there. Damn you. "⁸Está bien?" you look at the man. An old man that, at first glance, doesn't represent a threat. His voice is gentle, his voice is tinted with a caring voice. You lower your defenses, just a bit, not enough to stay around.

"⁹S��." you mutter.

Slowly, you walk back to your apartment. Old man glues his eyes to your form and you don't take your own off from his'. Before reaching the sidewalk, you trip with something. Your back collides against a car and you're ready to apologize when the owner exits it there’s not a sign of rage in his face. On the contrary, his stare is blank and his mouth doesn’t even twitch.

Bad news.

You intend to run, but another guy blocks your passage and two more appear at each side of you. You turn over to ask the old man for help, but he’s gone along with your last piece of hope. Can’t blame him, you would’ve escaped too if you had the chance. However, you can’t and the smartest thing to do is acknowledge it and work from it. 

You stay still thinking it will persuade them to opt for gentle treatment. 

How naive of you. 

A set of fingers dig into your arms, another one grabs you by the neck and lowers your head as they drag you into their car. Guarded by two of them who sit at your sides, a dark cloth bag is placed over your head and your wrists are restricted with a zip tie. 

All you have left now is your hearing, you pick up a few things: the engine roaring, the tires burning on the asphalt as you speed off, some spanish words thrown in the air. Nothing substantial, nothing of use.

You sit in silence and wait for the worst.

[black-rose-writings]

I read Ruin and Rising because I’m bored

And I also hate myself

Like with the last book, I have a vague idea of the plot and stuff from tumblr and fanfics. I will also be refering to Darkling as Sasha for most of this.

I am still Darklina trash and don’t particularly like Mal.

On a different note, I’ve finally moved for college, but the internet here is trash, so I’ll probably have a lot more reading time now, since most games I play are online and will crash without internet.

Before

Cool story. Let’s hope Alina stays a badass.

Who am I joking, I know how this ends.

Chapter 1

So far so good. I hate the Apparat, per usual. Alina’s there basically dying and that bitch can’t wait to see her do so.

Cult leader to the core this one. He probably hates that his figurehead is alive and also not brainwashed.

Cult leader doesn’t like swearing. How surprising.

My boy David is completely right. What kind of irresponsible dingus keeps centuries old books in a fucking wet-ass cave? (Or a tree for that matter *cough cough* The Last Jedi *cough, cough*).

Genya is fun to be around.

Oh, shit, let’s go.

Chapter 2

Jesus Christ, Alina, Zoya isn’t that bad.

This is one hell of a shitshow.

I live for this version of Alina. Badass. Scary. I want more of this Alina.

Chapter 3

Out of all the random little details from crappy smut fics, I did not expect Oncat to be from the books, lol.

Mal actually has a supernatural tracking ability. Like, literally, they put a bug into the pouch with gunpowder so he could make the shot. I guess this was kinda said before, but never this directly, right?

Alina’s merzost-skyping Sasha now, yay.

Alina is horny for Sasha boy. Yay.

Alina canonically has a praise kink. Nice.

I hate LB with all of my heart at this very moment. How dare she bait us Darklina people like this? How DARE she? (Shipbaiting is the worst, seriously.)

Yes, yes, yes. These two lines. That’s what their relationship is all about. They’re each others foils, the yin to the other’s yang and... ugh. I am Darklina trash to the core and this hurts.

Darklina: You have a terrible taste in men.

Alina: I liked you once.

My boy Sasha walked into that one.

Chapter 4

Alina is a Queen. And we love her.

David, my beloved, my spirit animal.

It’s surprising they can read it at all, given it’s been centuries. Have you ever tried reading medieval manuscripts?

Honestly, with a father that crazy, it’s no wonder Baghra’s a bitch. And I’ve seen it said somewhere that the books imply Ilya’s experiments are what caused Baghra to be a shadow summoner and you know what? I can see how you’d make that connection.

Why is there so few Tidemakers in the books? Waterbenders are useful. I want more waterbenders.

Alina picking up some habits from Baghra I see.

Ah, yes, we love an educated giant.

I’m starting to think Harshaw is a bit nuts.

Shut up, Hershey. Or at least share the weed with the class. I’m not here for this “He’s mean to you because he likes you”. I might believe that in like, elementary school, but yall are (more or less) adults. Jesus.

Well, that was a bombshell of a twist.

Chapter 5

Oh boy, we’ve got some trauma bonding for out merry band of misfits. Yay.

Adrik has a crush on Zoya. And she hates it, lol. Cut the kid some slack, he’s like 15 or something.

That reminds me, I have a four-leaf clover pressed in books from close to year and a half ago. Time flies.

They’re really diving into the Mal has supernatural powers, huh?

Ghosts, let’s go.

Alina “I’m so happy to be outside I start to shine like a fucking fairy” Starkov and Mal is entranced. He’s definitelly nicer now. I’m not forgiving him for all the shit he’s pulled before and for using the silent treatment way too much, but hey, at least he’s improving.

I am not a Zoyalina person, but like... gay? Please? Rivals to grudging allies to friends to lovers, 300k slowburn? Sounds more fun than whatever Mala dn Alina have going on, lol.

(I’m starting to realize I’m not as much a Darklina person as I am anti-Malina person, lol. Like, literally everyone has a more interesting dynamic with Alina than tracker boy over there. Malina is at best boring AF and at worst toxic, codependent and emotionally abusive, while also being boring AF at the same time. It has literally nothing going for it except God herself liking it).

I can see why Nadia is gay in the show. The book version of her definitelly has a crush on Tamar. Homegirl likes a woman, who can murder her with the flick of her wrist and honestly? Same.

Alina has some big “coming out of lockdown after a year” energy atm.

The cat is one of the most realistic characters in this thing, lol.

And since Tamar is also heavily queercoded, our lovely ladies make off into the night, flirting. Or maybe not. Let me dream, though.

At least Blade Boy is aware that his tattoo is stupid. To quote someone ranting about him on tumblr: He’s embracing his identity as a tool.

Oh, boy, this will be fun.

Evil soldier is horny for Mal. Saints, is there a woman in this book who isn’t horny for Blade Boy?

And here comes Niki to save the day.

Chapter 6

Niki saved the day.

Fiberglass? And David being David. Genya being in love with her nerd of a boyfriend.

Jesus Christ, this one crazy kid has moved the technology in this universe a whole century on his own. So, when is David going to propose to him?

Baghra hasn’t changed much I see.

Baghra’s about to drop some truthbombs, but no, we have to be rudely interupted because Genya’s rapist is throwing a fit.

Chapter 7

How does Mal sound? Is she gonna say the Blade boy sounds like her dad? I mean, I know voices are partially genetic, but it has been tens of generations between them, probably.

So, we’re finally taking Genya’s trauma seriously after all this time? Good. Better late than never, I guess.

I wish that regicide was already finished and I’m pretty sure that Genya does, too. Stop defending the fucking king, narrative.

David’s a nerd in all things I see.

Someone please just kill the king already. And the queen, too, for good measure.

Now that’s a romance.

Infodumping and listening to said infodumps is a legitimate love language, Alina. Let them nerd out over poisons.

Wait, has Alina never directly killed anyone before? I thought she did... hmmm.

And just like that, it should have been over. Ugh.

Somehow, Baghra is a better teacher now than she was before. She half feels like a completely different character.

Nevermind, she’s back at it.

Chapter 8

Holy shit, Nadia and Tamar are canon. They have canon gays here.

So, which one of them is gonna die?

Chapter 9

We arrive at that scene. The one, where they should have fucked.

Jeez, girl, get a hold of yourself. Life is short, fuck a villain.

In other news, Genya and David definitelly fucked.

Chapter 10

Poor David. He just wanted to know.

Damn... I never realized just how young Baghra was, when she killed her sister.

I’ve already made a post about this, but it really does strike me like Baghra has already decided to end her life at this point in the book.

Why is that whole “but what if we’re related” thing even in there?

Chapter 11

We love a suprise attack.

When did Sasha boy learn that trick?

Baghra really just did that. Oh boy.

Chapter 12

No, don’t kill the kid... ugh.

Emotiona support cat. She should be friends with Milo.

Porrige for brains. Oof.

So Nadia was the one, who got bees set on her in the book. Cool.

That’s a good question. Why was it never brought up to Alina, that other Grisha get blocks, too?

David already thinking of steampunk prosthetic for Adrik is honestly kinda sweet.

Chapter 13

Back home... kinda.

Is that really... you really care about Mal bonking the Grisha school mean girl over a year ago? Okay.

Chapter 14

Angst! Yay!

And more angst.

Chapter 15

Sasha really went “My mom killed herself to save you? Well, I’ll kill the closest thing to parents you have.”

Chapter 16

Nikolai’s alive. Kinda.

And these two have such a sibling energy, I can’t.

And then they fuck. Ew.

Chapter 17

Wait, wait wait... so Alina isn’t even the one to destroy the Fold?

Okay. That’s... weird.

Holy shit. That was...

So, Aleksander is dead. Mal isn’t. Someone else destroyed the Fold for Alina and now she has no powers.

Okay.

That’s a weird-ass ending.

Chapter 18

The gays survived, so that’s nice.

Genya made good on her promise of making Alina a ginger, lol.

After

What emotion is this supposed to give me? Cause all I feel is kinda sad.

[werezmastarbucks]

Interlude: Kai Parker falls in love

Whitmore Guy masterlist

word count: 2710

music: down by blink-182, famous last words by my chemical romance

Y/N stood her back to the car on one foot, rubbing the other against the ankle.

“What about the picture? You showed me the picture of you and Martha”.

“Spell”, he said casually. She raised her head.

“I thought you were a vampire”.

“I’m both”, Kai shrugged with pride, “they call me a heretic”.

“And the whole bleeding then… I watched you, precisely because I wasn’t sure, I was watching how quickly you’d heal after the attack on the bar…”

He nodded.

“Kai, did you turn all those people?”

Another nod.

“I had a very elaborate plan which you will have to figure out for yourself. We gotta go”.

“Why’s the rush?”

He puffed like he didn’t want to say.

“Ma-.. Kai, I can’t go away with you for good, you know that, right?”

Interesting how about five hours ago she thought the opposite.

“We’ve had this conversation before. And then you went away with me. I take over every time, don’t waste your energy, baby”.

He opened the door of the car with the motion of his hand. Y/N was used to seeing Bonnie do that, so it looked eerie. Lie, the whole three months she’s known him, were a lie. But then again… who’s gonna throw a stone at him?

“Why did they decide to get rid of you?”

He was getting annoyed again. This guy had a very short fuse. True, he was much nicer when his mouth was glued to hers. Y/N moved her shoulder uncomfortably.

“Do you want my jacket?”

“What happens to my friends now?”

“Oh god, the interrogation again”, he moaned.

“What did you expect?”

“I don’t know, a long kiss, passionate sex, us running into the raspberry sunrise, the town burning, something like that”, he crowed.

“I don’t know you, Kai, and they’re my…”

Not to blow up, he took a deep breath of night air. The night air is sweet and nice, not quite like lemonade, but still. He tuned out for a second, only catching the ‘I don’t know you’ part.

“I can fix that”, he said, putting the hand on her neck. His palm was warm against her skin covered in goose bumps. August was wearing out slowly, and, though it’s generally mild in the south, occasionally cold nights happened.

She fell down into the car and onto the seat as if something pulled her. Kai lifted her feet and tucked her in carefully, and closed the door. Y/N was asleep, drowning into the vivid vision he cherished, perhaps his favorite memory of her.

 They drove in the car. She sat at the wheel but she had no idea where she’s going. Oh, wait, it’s the Whitmore again! What the hell? But it’s daytime. Y/N looked down on her hands holding the wheel and it didn’t really feel like a dream; it was something in between sleep and reality. She just drove, realizing slowly that there was somebody next to her, talking. She turned her head and saw Kai. As soon as he came into her vision field, she heard his voice.

“…you know? And turned out, it was so easy. You literally go online, click this one thing, and you’ve got an acc. Wow. And then followers just…” he made a funny face, “swarmed me. You should follow me, too. They find me hilarious, and when I post selfies, girls, they start messaging me!”

“I’m not on twitter”, she said, or rather, the meat suit she was stuck in, said for her. She felt her lips move and heard her own voice. But the sentence wasn’t formed in her head. She was a mere, silent, helpless spectator. She looked at herself into the rearview mirror. And saw her own eyes, completely calm, joyful, even. She realized she was in a good mood. The car was happily speeding down the road, past the college. Kai (this name was still new) was wearing a childish blue and white tee which made him look years younger.

It was past. It wasn’t a dream. Kai must have inserted one of his memories in her when he touched her.

“You are, now”, he shook his head and waved her phone in his hand, “I just created you an account”.

“Kai, leave my phone alone”.

She stopped the car at the brink of the forest where she’s been thousands of times. She left the car, and suddenly, she said,

“Great idea, by the way, with the blue and white shirt”.

Kai widened his eyes, not understanding.

“What do you mean?”

“What if something goes wrong, and you will be all covered in blood”.

Just as she said it, she felt a sting on her right forearm. She looked down and saw a fresh cut, the type they usually made for a location spell.

Her feet carried her into the forest. Kai was walking behind her with a coil of rope over his shoulder, and he looked very energetic. The way even Mal never looked. He was pretty, lively. He smiled, looking around, he had that kind of a happy smile that a kid has when it knows that they’re going somewhere exciting.

The old her also noticed it.

“What are you so happy about?”

He shrugged, stepping over a knot of green moss,

“I love me some outdoor activities, if you know what I mean”.

“I really don’t”.

Her foot got caught in a root, she grabbed on a thistle and cursed. Kai hummed. They walked on, and then she stopped abruptly, again, to her own surprise.

“You have no idea where to go, do you?”

Kai leveled with her and made a thinking face. He seemed so nonchalant, and she felt the same. She knew this version of her was way more careless. He took her hand and suddenly there was a zip she already knew too well. This time she felt it very clearly: something weird was happening. It felt like energy was streaming right from her body, and into his, like he was sucking the life force out of her. Only, it didn’t feel painful, and it wasn’t wrong. More like, she was feeding him.

A vision inside a vision: she saw through somebody else’s eyes. A cliff, falling down in a sharp turn, the waterfall and the forest below; it was the Nine Brothers’ Waterfall not far away from where they stood.

Kai pushed her away quite rudely.

“Don’t ever do that again!”

In a second his face changed. She looked at him, a capricious boy, and felt the familiar (for the old her) irritation fill her.

“Do what?” she snarled.

“Sneak on me!”

“You’re the one who grabbed me! You know I can’t control it, prick!”

Kai looked her up and down and closed his mouth. He was genuinely worried about her reading his mind. The witch was super concerned about the safety of his pot. There must be some awful things residing there. Finally, apparently after some inner monologue, he let go of it.

“He’s at the waterfall”.

“Yeah”, Y/N snapped, “I know”.

Kai didn’t know how to hold a grudge – now she, the new variant, could throw her fists up victoriously, because she knew something the old her didn’t: Kai is very good at holding grudges. Anyway, he started chatting in five minutes again. He was talking about what he dreamt about last night, and the plants he saw as he went, and how back in Portland he tried to take care of their garden, but they kept interrupting him and soon wouldn’t let him out of the house – and it’s so hard to do gardening when you’re inside! LOL. He talked and talked, until they came out into the clearing they’d seen previously – and she finally remembered the day.

It was the day Shane Atticus died. She remembered vaguely this place in the forest. She even knew where the Waterfall was because she’s been there that day. But she had no other recollection of what’s happened.

She turned to look at Kai. He was the reason she hadn’t. They took it all away. The sound of the water, and the smells of the forest, the prick of thistle, and the cut on her arm.

Atticus was walking around in the clearing, and then he bowed to a big sports bag, taking out a huge ass hunting knife.

They produced sounds simultaneously: Kai gasped, impressed, clearly instantly desiring the knife for himself.

She hummed, annoyed. She hadn’t seen a single Predator running around.

“What’s he doing?” she asked.

“Looks like he’s about to sacrifice…”

At that moment she heard a loud scream. It was animal: Atticus lifted a cat, tied like it was a freaking sausage, yelling for its life, slapping its loose tail on his hands. She saw red. Even though Kai tried to stop her, and even grabbed her by the hem of her jacket, she ran out, yelling,

“LEAVE IT ALONE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!”

Funny thing happened. She ran out, but then again, she stayed where Kai was. Because it was his memory. It was like she floated around next to him, but not inside his body. She could see her own back, and how she hopped as she ran. Jesus, is that how I look when I attack somebody? Like a mantis! she thought, cringing.

“That was about the time I fell in love with you”, Kai said, to nobody. She saw everything without turning her head; she didn’t have any. She wanted to ask him to put her back into her body, but she had no mouth, either. She could only observe, locked away, spread everywhere, until the vision was over.

They charged at Atticus (Parker had no other choice than to follow her), and tied him to a tree. Kai knocked him out with a powerful throw and knocked him out. As she was untying the cat, crying with fear and pain, it bit her right hand through. That fucking scar! She was looking at it, from time to time, and had no idea where it came from! It was the cat in the forest!

She saw herself cradle her bitten hand, pale with pain, trying to keep it cool in front of Kai. And him, his eyes, crawling slowly over her, as he expected her to cry out, too. He was like a slow insect, when he was like this, almost inhuman in his delusional obsession with pain. He wanted to see every second of her agony and not miss anything. He almost forgot about Shane.

“Get the water”, she hissed, wincing with pain, and finally, Kai walked over to the bag and pulled a bottle out.

He poured some over the bright red bite, and she moaned quietly.

“You do something good and that’s what you get”, he muttered musingly. “That’s why I never do good anymore”.

She found it in her to snicker.

“You’re doing something good right now”.

Kai’s face lit up with amusement.

“You call this good?”

“You’re helping me, and I’m a good person. Sorry to bust your super villain party”.

He smirked, charmingly, the corner of his mouth went up. He looked so nice.

Then they tried to make Atticus talk. She had no idea what they wanted. She remembered, about five or six years ago, when her dad died (was killed), she was in a car accident. Maybe it was about that. When you think about it, the whole summer of that year was extremely blurry, she just didn’t think that far back. It was horrifying. It meant Kai was there all the time. Her memory of that year was all but a big gaping hole.

Shane rolled his eyes out and cursed at Parker.

“You’re the boy with no powers”, he smiled with his bloody mouth. Kai tilted his head,

“Do I look like I don’t have powers?”

He made Atticus yell out in pain.

She didn’t know why she stood there and just watched them. Pressing her hand into her stomach, she approached them.

“Just get inside and look. We don’t have that much time, Kai”.

Shane was wailing.

Kai clicked his tongue.

“I don’t have enough magic”, he admitted, and looked up at her. She sniffed impatiently.

She put her hand on his shoulder and nodded. This time she couldn’t feel anything, floating around. She could as well be a leaf slowly falling down from a tree. But she saw them two together, crouching next to Atticus, like two weasels. Shane quietened down as Kai penetrated his mind, accelerated by the force her touch brought to him. His shoulders shook a little as he chanted under his breath. It was effortless, she didn’t seem bothered in any bit. The only thing that unnerved her was her own hand.

Shane opened his eyes and moaned,

“Taurus!”

“No way”, Kai jeered. “No! Fuck you!”

“They will come for you, they mustn’t know she left the town if you want to keep her alive…”

Then something happened to him, and his head snapped on his shoulder.

There was a moment of silence, and she removed her hand from Kai. The boy turned to her very slowly, his face full of unreadable expression.

“Oh. You killed him”.

“I killed him?” she yelped. “What… how?”

“I think you shot too much magic through me, and his heart stopped”.

He was sitting, one knee to the ground. She stood up, like she wanted to jump away. Her bitten hand was shaking violently with pain, but the rest of her seemingly went numb. The second Y/N was waiting, watching them both. The noise of the waterfall filled everything.

“Cut off his head”, she said finally.

Kai’s eyebrows went up.

“You want me… you wanna… cut his head off?”

“Yes, make it look like it was a ripper. Whoever they are, they can’t know we’ve been here. And if Damon learns I was here, he’s going to kill me”.

Kai looked at her for a second more, and then turned and gazed straight at her, again. Like he could see her in the air. Like he knew exactly where she was.

“Yeah, I definitely fell in love with you then”.

She blinked with the eyelids she didn’t have.

They were sitting in the car again, and she drove with one hand.

“Remind me again”, she panted, “why the hell I am driving?”

She looked at Kai, and if she could, she’d scream. He was covered in blood from the top of his head to his ass. All his blue and white shirt was soaked in it, like he was running under the rich splatters of it. Her mind wondered, but her old self just winced.

“Because I don’t drive, I told you”, he moaned.

“Jesus, Kai, stop touching everything! Put the phone back!”

“I want to change the song! This one is good”.

The drops of rain they fall all over This awkward silence makes me crazy The glow inside burns light upon her I'll try to kiss you if you let me

“Aren’t you too old for blink?” she asked.

Kai shrugged and rubbed his cheek.

“I knew Mark by the way. Yeah, when I was studying in Cali”.

“You liar!”

“Pfft. I don’t lie to you, you know that”.

“No way you knew Mark fucking Hoppus when you were studying in Cali!”

“Yeah, he had green hair back then, I remember telling him he has to ditch that drummer if they wanna be famous one day”.

Kai motioned towards one of the speakers as if saying, and there we are.

“This is…”

“Yes, I am very cool, I know. You’re welcome”.

It was the first time he didn’t feel like he was showing off, strangely. He sounded pretty sincere. Because he was all covered in Shane’s blood, it was hard to concentrate.

“How did you even get so dirty while cutting off a head?”

“Have you ever cut off someone’s head?”

“Nope, I usually have people do it for me”, she smirked.

You’re already into him, she thought. Kai smiled back.

“No further questions. I must say, it was pretty hot. How you were like, cut it off. I even got a little bit of a…”

“I know Kai, I was there”, Y/N interrupted.

I was there

I was there

I was there…

[taramaclaywasaterf]

Fuck me, I can’t sleep. Jesus fucking christ I’m so glad my friend is coming home Monday, because I’m this close to fucking up my life again. Shes the one that helps me keep my shit together. Trevor dying really fucked me up. And it’s the anniversary of my best friend’s death in a few days. About this time a few years ago, I was sitting with her on her roof, talking about where her little sister was going to college and how her mom was freaking out over it, since her sister‘s the youngest in the family and it meant all her kids would be outta the house.

I miss her. Knew her since we were little. When I came out to her at 14 or 15, the first words outta her mouth were a sarcastic “noooo?!”

Idk. I really fucking miss you a lot, Marena. I still text you sometimes. I like to think you see them. And I know for a fact that, wherever you are…heaven, maybe… or some other, like, higher, spiritual plane….some beautiful fucking afterlife… that you were laughing your goddamn ass off when Shelby and I hooked up. Don’t you think for a fucking second that Saleema didn’t tell me about the bet the two of you made over Shelby and I, you asshole. You owe her that $5. Don’t think we’re letting you off the hook for that.

Did you hear about Ant? He’s fucking married now. Yeah. I know. Just saw it on Instagram. Out of our old group, he was the last fucking one I ever imagined getting married at all, let alone being the first one of us. The woman he married is really pretty. She seems sweet, at least from what I could tell by scrolling through her Instagram. I wish we were all still friends and you were still here just so you and I could be the ones to tell the poor girl about the time Ant shit himself on shrooms at that fucking weird art fair thing.

God, I really fucking miss you. I know we used to joke that I’d be the first of us to die. That you’d make sure my funeral was fucking awesome. So you can’t imagine how fucking mad I am at you that you didn’t follow through on that punchline. Your mom didn’t let me do what I wanted to do for yours, which…looking back, was, well… it was probably a good thing that she stopped me from playing the video of you, drunk off your ass, in an ally in Philly at 1am, in the dead of winter, wearing nothing but a tee shirt and pajama shorts and Killian’s Adidas slides that you stole from his room, singing My Heart Will Go On as you gave a Viking funeral to a fucking dead cockroach you found in him and Eric’s kitchen lol. I don’t think your nana would’ve been very happy with either of us if I did that.

I fucking miss you, Mare. We all do. I hope you’re up there with Mal and LJ and Heather. I hope you’ve found peace.

Taylor’s gonna be home soon, and I’m gonna be alright again, so don’t worry about me. I’m not gonna spiral down again, you know she won’t let me. I’m gonna be ok. It’s just gonna be hard.

I’ve gotten so much more relaxed and tired just writing this. I think I might actually be able to fall asleep. So thank you, Mare. I know its you helping me out. I love you so fucking much.

[thesvenqueen]

TO THE END

S&B Episode 8 (I get a bit rabmle-y at the end there but, it's a good end review I swear!!)

- l've loved the switch in title cards every episode, really great detail and so fun to see what they come up with - bowler hat gang UNITE - HOW DARE YOU FORGET MILO WTF - oop Zoya piecing the puzzle together, yes girl - AHHHH MATTHIAS AND NINA YEEEES. - >.> there's only ONE BED <.< - NO DON'T LEAVE - :( god damn it, y'all killing me here - can you at least share the bed before you go?? - YES TO KERCH, LETS GO - "I will keep you warm" ASKLFGKLASDGBASDFNKB - WE NEARLY HAD A KISS WHY YOU AHHHHHHHHDLKASGALSKDHGVLSDKVBLKS - omg they let them get waffles I COULD CRY - oh they were so happy god DAMN IT - Fedyor WHY WHY WHY WHYYYY THEY WERE HAPPY GDI - they dooo though they dooooooo - UGHHHH we got 3 mins of happiness ffs I hate it hereeee - "remember who's driving" bitch I know you did NOT - bro Inej realizing someone is below deck with them YES YES YES - "I'll ask again, who are you?" god Jesper intimidating is HOT AF HELLO??? - boy Kaz has no buisness looking that good too jesus - mhmmmm, you be right Alina. - yeaaaaaaaah this is bad, this is really bad - ohhhhhhhhh my GOD - bruh, the SCREAMS wtf - ffs Mal can you please listen for once - INEJ COME ON YOU TOO???? UGHHHH - ok book quote I see you, nicely done - "us" it's just you tf you mean - again, Mal, I know you said you're not smart but bruh what kind of plan was that - JESPER NOOO YOU DON'T GET IT YO - YEAHHH BEAT HIS ASS INEJ - HE CALLED HER WRAITH OHHHHH - Ivan jfc - NOOOOOO INEJ - ZOYA HELL YES LETS GO - JESPER, BOY, THAT WAS DOPE BUT THE CUT OH MY GOD OH MY GOD - KAZ COMING IN CLUTCH THANK FUCK - she kissed the knife before she threw it I am just...I am dying hello HELP?!? - INEJ GOT THE DARKLING BITCH I SEE YOU QUEEN - Kaz is literally laying on top of Jesper even with his phobia I can not right now - girl don't you waste all your knives!!! - KAZ. WITH THE CANE. PROTECTING HIS INVESTMENTS. FUCK YES. lmao - owowowwowowowow my hand owowowow - YAS QUEEN LETS GO - save???? YOU engulfed the whole fucking city into darkness because they pissed you off shut the actual fuck up - Mal. Sweetie. what are you doing?? you literally brought a butter knife to a cut fight - I V A N. BITCH. NO. - JESPER BABY LETS GOOOOO - god with every spin of his gun I fall more in love jfc - byeeeee Ivan!! - whyyyy you no aim for the head Mal?!?!? - lmao Kaz ready with his fucking cane to wack some mf monsters I'm here for it - thank you for showing Kaz hella struggling with his cane and walking, I appreciate this so much - Awwww Inej, sweet baby - SHE GAVE HER A DAGGER BLESS - aw :( Kaz realizing Inej really might leave, oh sweet boy - LISTEN, Kaz can't break a deal homie. there is a lot at risk here that he can't lose - ......that might fix the problem. - For Inej, he did it for Inej and that's it and Inej was over in the back fighting to not fucking hug him I can not - Kaz be right, from experience Zoya please. - lmao "I still don't like you" ZOYA girl come on - this entire Kaz & Inej conversation I have no words I'm crying - "I need you" the face & noise I just made were not human ahhhhh - I mean, we know you stay, BUT PLEASE INEJ STAY - MATTHIAS - YOU WAIT MATTHIAS CHILL WTF - IT WASN'T THOUGH - come ON Matthias how do you not believe her??? - that literally broke my heart oh my god - he ALWAYS has a plan - ayeeee I got one for you - oh you shit, I see you - yeahhhh bout that, he ain't dead - welp, that's definitely not good.. - "follow" nah I only follow Kaz Brekker thanks

Netlfix, seriously, just go ahead and announce season 2 because we ALL want it. I NEED it so badly just, do it do it do it.

In all seriousness, as for as YA book adaptation, this is top notch if not the best adaptation I've seen. The cast was A+, nailing the characters so beautifully and bringing life to some that I really didn't fully appreciate in the books. Specifically Archie with Mal, credits to him and the writers (and Leigh) for really working to make him a stronger, fully developed character. It was so well done and I am really rooting for them more so than I was in the books.

Crow wise. Brilliant. Absolutely fucking brilliant. Kit, Freddy, Amita, Danielle, Calahan; literally the most perfect casting. Period. I was so incredibly nervous when the show was announced how casting would go for the crows. They're my favorites, ones that I really treasured and when I tell you just the cast photo I had a feeling this was going to go well. Well was an understatement. I was absolutely blown away by how well they nailed the Crows. The humor, the small gestures, the teasing and comments; absolutely perfect. I have only one complaint, the same as Kit: GIVE ME WYLAN!!!

Also,Jessie as Alina, round of applause as well. I didn't mind her character in the book, but in the show I felt more connected and really was cheering for her and I have to give that to Jessie. Like Archie, she did a great job bringing the character to life and making her enjoyable, more fully developed tbh. I don't even need to go into Ben because I despise the Darkling as much as I did in the books so I'd say he was fucking brilliant.

The fact their budget was limited, they somehow was able to create a world so beautiful so incredibly well done and oddly inviting. The costumes, the sets, even the Fold looked nearly inviting. It all seemed so well done, so well put together and as I imagined it for the most part. The display of Grisha power was not corny but subtle and well created, not overdone like some like to do. It was believable and so cool to see displayed on tv.

Honest to god this is, to me at least, by far the best YA book adaptation in a long, LONG time. This coming from a HP, Twilight, Series of Unfortunate Events fan. I've seen YA books fail so badly (Euragon, ugh the heartbreak of that disaster) or just, be so flat it hurts...looking at you Twilight. Some having a cast that just, despises the entire book and movie all together, others so well connected and done so brilliantly only for the story to be torn to bits in some parts that you're left wondering if you read the same book at times (HP, never forgive you for that final battle scene, wtf was even that??). But for real, this had the perfect cast, perfect sets & editing, amazing music, fantastic writing to piece it all together and overall was just...absolutely amazing. Definitely going to be something I rewatch over and over and over again till the next season.

Thank you for not fucking it up <3

[georgia-jereau]

Endings & Beginnings

TW: mentions of drinking, drugs, violence and theft

TLDR: Georgia remembers meeting Mal again and marrying him after 5 weeks, leaving her old life behind to make something new with him

Georgia drummed her fingers against the steering wheel as she drove home from a meeting in New Orleans. She’d dropped Mal at the airport a few days ago, so hopefully he’d be back soon. It was a long ride, and a little bit of her wished she could have gone with him, but she couldn’t be in that house again with him. Still, maybe in a few months, they could take a trip like they’d used to. It would be nice to go and get lost with him again. Georgia had always liked herself better when she was with him, and recreating herself for the past seven years into a woman who could survive being alone hadn’t been easy, not when she knew the truth.

The song on the radio switches to something older and familiar that makes her think of crowded bars and Mal’s smile. God, they had been so young. Twenty years ago, she’d just flirted with a guy she liked... thrown herself at him a bit, really. Now here she was, waiting for him to come home to her, his initials tattooed into her skin, and his ring on her finger. A part of wonders, as she sometimes did, if she had known everything that was going to happen if she might have made different choices. A small smile pulls at her mouth. No. The answer was always no. If she was going to hell, she’d go with the comfort of knowing Mal would be right beside her.

Dallas, TX - August 4th, 2000 

Georgia checked her reflection in the motel bathroom’s mirror, fluffing her hair and turning slightly to see how she looked. Her hair was getting long again, nearly reaching the middle of her back even when it was all wavy from the Texas heat. She’d turned an oversized red bandana into a top, which was something she was pretty sure she’d stolen from a music video but she couldn’t remember which one. Paired with daisy dukes and red lipstick, she thought she looked pretty good, good enough that the bouncers wouldn’t give her fake id too thorough of an inspection anyway. Reaching into her backpack, she moves aside her dirty laundry to get at the stacks of cash beneath. Fifteen thousand in cash. God, her last ‘boyfriend’ had been a special kind of idiot, always talkin’ about conspiracy theories and how he’d been prepped for Y2K even though nothing had actually happened. It had taken practically nothing to starting convincing him that banks couldn’t be trusted. She’d hoped to wait around for twenty thousand, but she’d lost her patience with him. This would last her for a good long while. Peeling a few twenties away, she tucks them into her pockets and then stuffs the whole backpack into a hole she’d made in the boxspring.

The bar was just a few blocks down from the motel and Georgia didn’t mind the walk after days spent driving all the way from Kentucky. There were a few shouts, a few catcalls, but she ignored them. She was definitely not looking for a new mark tonight. Tonight, she was happy just to drink and listen to music and not have some man hanging all over her. Some people would probably think she was awfully cynical of men for being just 19 years old, after all she’d only been dealing with them for five years. Still, those were years she’d spent dating morons who she only entertained because of their money. That didn’t even cover all the other jobs she’d begun taking up on the side. If she became good enough at being a thief, maybe she could even drop the whole ‘boyfriends’ thing. She was very good at it though. Most men were very stupid, hell they didn’t even ask her how old she was half the time. For a brief moment, Georgia’s mind flickers to a moment a few years back, where a boyfriend had mentioned her ‘twentieth’ birthday was coming up soon and one of his, for lack of a better term, ‘friends’ had snorted quietly to himself, clearly laughing at the number.

“Somethin’ funny?” she’d asked, pulling herself up from where she’d been draped all over Tim, her latest, unwitting victim. The man just looked over at her and shook his head once.

“Not a thing, darlin’.” he’d said, at least that’s what he’d said out loud. His eyes had said ‘bullshit you are turning twenty’. That man had made her uneasy. Handsome, but he saw too much. Dark eyes, sweet smile. Trouble. 

She liked trouble.

As she’d suspected, the bouncers didn’t have a problem letting ‘Georgia Lyonett’ into the bar tonight, or whatever the hell ID she’d grabbed. The only stipulation she had with her fake identities was to always use the same first name. If she started creating fake personas every time she went somewhere she’d never remember who was supposed to call her what. Hopping onto a barstool she flashed a smile at the bartender, glancing briefly behind him at the array of liquor bottles. “Hey there.” she said brightly. “Jack and coke, please.”. The drink was delivered promptly, and she immediately turned away from the bartender, not interested in small talk. Across the room, on a small raised platform, a band was finishing setting up and the place was really beginning to fill. After downing the first drink pretty quickly, she ordered another and hopped off the barstool to wander around. 

The band was good, local guys covering the classics so nothing fancy, but fun all the same. A few guys asked her to dance, but she slipped away before they annoyed her and asked twice. Georgia preferred to just stay on the edges of the action tonight, in her own little world as she bobbed and nodded along with the music. Maybe she was thirsty or just getting tipsy, but the drinks were going down smooth. Navigating her way through the crowd, she made her way to the bar, squeezing herself between a couple and some guy in a biker’s cut so she could order her drink. “’Nother jack and coke please. Tall, double.” she added, figuring she might as well save herself a trip. The man beside her laughed quietly and she froze, recognition flaring to life in her mind.

“Of all the gin joints in all the world, huh Peach?” Mal asked. Of course it was him. She didn’t even need to turn her head. He was the only person who’d called her that, as if ‘Georgia’ was too many syllables or something. The smile that appears on her face isn’t a conscious choice. She feels... nervous wasn’t the right word... excited maybe? Adrenaline was definitely happening. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she rested an elbow on the bar and finally looked at him. 

“Mal Winters.” she said, fighting to control her smirk. “The fuck are you doing in Dallas?”

“Visiting. Where’s Tim?”

“Haven’t seen him in years.” Georgia admitted casually as her drink was handed to her and she took a sip. Mal adjusted himself to face her a bit more and Georgia felt her heart rate quicken. It wasn’t fair for a guy who looks this good to look at her like that. Normally, if she were looking to find a new job she’d be a bit more sober and a bit less, well, herself. Luckily, she had enough money right now, that she didn’t have to pretend to be anyone but her which was good, because she had a feeling Mal could see through her bullshit a little too easily for her liking.

“Really?” Mal said, and his eyes raked over her in a way that made her flustered and proud at the same time. Reaching out, she poked at the cut he was wearing, something she definitely hadn’t seen on him two years ago when they’d met.

“What’s this?” she asked, tossing her hair over her shoulder, her dime store hoops dangling from her ears. So he was a biker now... or something like it. A little smile pulled the edge of his mouth up and her eyes got stuck there for a moment.

“It’s nothin’.” he said easily. Georgia rolled her eyes and moved slightly to get a better look, running her hand over the patch.

“Doesn’t look like nothin’. Looks to me like you like trouble.” she said, biting her lower lip as she smiled at him. Mal shook his head and lifted his beer a bit.

“Yeah, well, I’m drinkin’ with you, aren’t I?” he asked. Georgia laughed and shook her head a bit, taking a sip of her own drink. She liked that he thought of her as trouble. She’d have been insulted if he thought less.

“If you want to see real trouble, you should ask me to dance.” she offered, leaning a bit closer. It was nice to flirt for real. It had been a really long time since she had, hell, it might have even been the last time she’d seen him. Though that flirting had been accidental. Plus, there was the bonus that they already knew the other wasn’t exactly an ‘upstanding citizen’. The lack of bullshit was refreshing. She didn’t need to bat her eyes or pretend that she was a waitress or a student or something innocent and innocuous. 

“Don’t tempt me with a good time, Peach.” Mal said.

“Don’t tell me what to do, Mal.” she countered, flagging down the bartender who made a motion to say he’d be right there.

“Yeah? You not into bein’ bossed around?” he asked, sounding amused.

“Not when I’m standing.” she said with a playful smirk before turning and ordering two shots of whiskey, handing over some money as she did. It was getting to that time in the night where she had to lean forward and practically shout to be heard, but she didn’t mind. 

“So when you say you wanna dance, d’ya mean the horizontal fuckin’ tango?” Mal asked, and Georgia couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of her, glancing over her shoulder to look at him.

"Maybe I mean both. Jesus, there's no fuckin’ subtlety to you, is there?" she asked, tipping her head and studying his face. He tipped his in return and narrowed his eyes a bit.

“Would ya’ like me more if there was?”

“Who says I like you now?”

Mal shrugged his shoulders. “Guess I’m just being optimistic. I mean, if you wanna prove me right, go ahead.” he offered.

Georgia rolled her eyes and grabbed the shots as they were delivered. "Drink with me. Dance with me. Then I'll decide if I like you or not." she said, handing one of the shot glasses to him, her heart rate only increasing when her fingers grazed his. Mal nodded his head.

“Yes ma’am.” he said. They both knocked the whiskey back easily before Georgia took his hand and pulled him towards the dance floor. She was pretty sure he knew it was just an excuse to have his arms around her for a bit while they drank and pretended like they both didn’t know how this would go. There was no doubt in her mind that she was gonna try to take him back to where she was staying tonight. Crushes weren’t things she had often, and couldn’t remember the last one she’d had, but she had a feeling thats what she was feeling. As his hands settled on her waist and she wrapped hers around his neck, pressing her body closer, she could feel blood rushing to her cheeks and her breath hitched a bit as she remembered to breath. “You good, Peach?” Mal asked, smiling down at her.

“Do I not look good?” Georgia asked, wondering if there was going to be a point tonight where she stopped answering his questions with questions, but it probably wasn’t going to be anytime soon. She was having too much fun.

“I don’t recall sayin’ otherwise, sweetheart.” he said, tightening his grip on her as they swayed to the song. It was one of those old, country classics that she usually didn’t care for but everything sounded good when it was mixed with Mal’s laugh and the way he spoke to her. They danced, they drank and eventually she took him back to her motel. It was just going to be one night, maybe two, and then she could savor the memory of it the next time she was lying beneath some idiot, letting him pretend he was rocking her world while she planned how she was going to rob them blind. 

Somewhere in Arizona - September 4th, 2000

Georgia paced a bit out front of a gas station, stretching her arms above her head and rolling out the knots in her back from the hours on the back of Mal’s bike. She’d abandoned her piece of shit car back in Dallas, technically. It hadn’t exactly been on purpose, since she’d made the choice after a night of drinking and blowing lines with Mal. Georgia had only meant to get him tangled in her sheets for a night, but then that had turned into breakfast, and another roll around at his place, then more drinking, then some drugs. She kept waiting for him to leave, or for herself to get bored... but it hadn’t happened yet. It had been four, shit almost five weeks since she’d run into him and now she was somewhere in Arizona waiting while he went to get cigarettes. They were nearly inseparable. Her backpack with all her things and all her money were latched securely to his bike. They spent the days driving around and the nights at whatever motel they wound up in, drinking and laughing and kissing. It felt like freedom.

It was safe to say they were obsessed with each other. Georgia smiled to herself as she tried to detangle her hair a bit with her fingers while she waited for him. The tangles were as much from the wind as from Mal’s hands and the bed they’d crawled out of this morning. Distracted with her own thoughts her eyes lingered on his bike and the smile just widened. She didn’t notice someone approaching her until they were in front of her.

“You like motorcycles?” the guy asked, looking her up and down. Georgia’s smile tightened and lost some it’s sparkle as she looked at the guy.

“I do. Yeah.” she told him. The guy rested his hands on the handlebars and grinned at her.

“I could give you the ride of your life.” he offered, his eyes more focused on her body than the bored look on her face.

“You want me on that bike of yours? With you?” Georgia asked, playing dumb and tipping her head to the side. The guy laughed a little.

“Baby, I-” the guy said, but he stopped suddenly, his eyes moving off of Georgia to someone else. The strong arm that slipped around her shoulder and pulled her in closer had her struggling not to burst into laughter. 

“He botherin’ you, Peach?” Mal asked, his voice far too casual for her to believe it. Georgia knew if she said ‘yes’ Mal would probably lay the guy out and God that excited her. It was like having her own personal gladiator by her side at all times and she was getting far too used to it. 

“Baby, I think we stole his bike.” Georgia said, blinking up at Mal with wide eyes and feigned innocence. Behind his dark sunglasses, Mal’s eyebrows raised and his mouth twitched into a small ‘huh’ of surprise.

“This - this is your bike?” Mal said, his voice coated with a mocking disbelief as he took off his sunglasses and then pointed to Georgia. “So this - this must be your old lady too?” he asked the guy, who was holding up his hands and stuttering out some kind of excuse. ‘Old lady?’ Georgia thought. She was hardly his old anything seeing as they’d been doing this just about a month. Georgia leaned up and said softly but still loud enough for the interloper to hear, 

“Wasn’t his name I was screamin’ last night, baby.”

She then took the sunglasses and smokes out of Mal’s hands, knowing he was probably just gonna drop them in a minute anyway. He was already stepping forward. 

“It wasn’t? Ah. So that means this is my bike, and this jackass is hitting on my girl?” Mal said. The guy had gone from apologizing to talking shit, like an idiot, and Georgia just shook her head and smiled as Mal slammed his fist into the guy’s face. The rings on his fingers glinted in the Arizona sunlight with each movement. A thought popped into her mind just then and she shoved the sunglasses onto her face as she ran into the nearly empty shop.

“Help! They started fighting! Someone is gonna get hurt! You have to stop them.” she shouted pleadingly. The guy behind the counter and some guy that looked like a trucker rushed outside to help. Georgia moved to let them pass and then walked around the counter and popped open the register. Jesus, the lack of security in these places was astonishing. People thought they were only going to be robbed by dudes in ski-masks with a gun in their face. Clearly a shotgun behind the counter was not a fail-proof method against having your shit stolen.

A few moment later she was walking over to Mal who was finally done with his fight. There was some blood on him, but she doubted much of it was his, and he wore it well so it didn’t matter much anyway. Georgia waved a finger to signal they needed to get the fuck out. Now. He listened but quirked an eyebrow at her.

“They call the cops?” he asked quietly as he threw a leg over the bike.

“No but they’re gonna.” she said, climbing on behind him.

“I just loosened some teeth, maybe broke his nose, nothing that bad.” Mal grumbled. Georgia leaned up so she could whisper directly in his ear.

“I just robbed the till.” she admitted. Mal burst into laughter as he started up the bike and peeled away, and didn’t stop laughing until they were miles away from the place.

Later that night, outside a motel they’d rented with the stolen cash, they sat on the curb and split a cigarette and a six pack, watching the traffic and the stars. Georgia’s hair was once again a mess of tangles and her face was a bit flushed from what they’d just done. 

“You know earlier today, you called me your ‘old lady’.” Georgia noted, glancing at him only briefly as she took a drag and passed the cigarette back to him.

“Mhmm.” Mal hummed as he finished the cigarette and stubbed the end of out beneath his boot. He took a moment to exhale before turning to look her over, curious. “Somethin’ wrong with that?”

Georgia smirked but rolled her eyes. “I’m not your old lady ‘til there’s a ring on this finger.” she said, wiggling the fingers on the hand that wasn’t currently holding her beer bottle. Georgia liked the idea of keeping Mal, but that didn’t seem likely. So she just wanted to wring every drop of happiness out of this time while they had it.

“Yeah?” Mal asked, his tongue running over his teeth as he looked out at the highway and the empty fields beyond it. “How’s about I put one there?” 

Georgia snorted and shook her head, and then glanced at him, waiting for the punchline but it didn’t come. Her eyebrows pulled together and she blinked at him for a moment before finding her voice. “Quit fuckin’ around. You don’t want to marry me.” she said, shoving him lightly.

“Why not?” Mal asked, taking a sip of his beer. Georgia opened her mouth to tell him exactly why, but she couldn’t think of any reasons. He knew basically everything already, maybe not all the details, but enough. Mal knew where she’d come from, and how she’d survived and how she worked. He knew how she liked her coffee and that she always liked to sleep with one leg out from the covers and that she finished her showers with a blast of cold water. If he already knew all that, and asked anyway...

“I don’t know.” Georgia admitted. Taking a moment to have another sip of her beer she shrugged a shoulder. “Are you sayin’ you want to marry me?” she asked, her heart beating a bit harder as she tried to act calm.

“Maybe. You sayin’ yes if I ask?” he asked with an impish grin curling the corner of his mouth as he turned his head to look at her. Georgia turned and smirked back at him.

“I think I might... just to see if you actually have the balls to follow through.” she told him. Mal set down his beer and turned to her, running his fingers through her hair and then trailing them down to hold her chin as he looked her in the eye. 

“Alright. Georgia - whatever your real last name is. Don’t matter. It’ll be Winters soon.- Fuck the formalities. Marry me.” he said. Georgia just blinked at him for a moment, waiting for him to laugh or to say he was joking but he didn’t and she smiled.

“Yeah. Okay. I will.” she agreed. Mal smiled and kissed her hard. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, forgetting about everything that wasn’t him

Las Vegas, NV - September 9th, 2000

Five days later, she was standing in front of Mal wearing a white sundress she’d picked up the day before, slipping a gold band onto his finger and promising she’d love him forever. It was the first time she’d told him that she loved him and she meant every word. The life she’d had before him felt like a bad dream and she’d woken up to find herself safe in his arms. A life without him in it wasn’t something she ever wanted to experience ever again. Georgia Morgan was long gone now, along with all the other identities she’d taken. She was Georgia Winters and it just felt right, like this is who she’d always been meant to be. Someone said to ‘kiss the bride’ and Georgia pulled Mal’s head down with a stupid grin on her face. No more cons, no more faking being in love. Whatever came next, she and Mal would do it together.

[mieteve-minijoma]

Songfic Day 16: Don't Fear The Reaper

Day 16: A song that’s a classic favorite: Don’t Fear The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult

PART TWO: 

Jughead Jones is tasked with protecting Betty Cooper, the reporter who had a hit put out on her life and had come to them for protection. Sure Betty is stunningly beautiful, but she digs under the skin like a knife. 

She is determined to defy him until she gets caught in a terrifying situation and can’t help how her attitude changes once she sees that multiple sides of the future Serpent King.

***** 

“Alright Princess, you’re with me,” Jughead gripped her hand tightly, dragging her out the room before she could protest, and up a second set of stairs to another locked door. Betty hated to admit that this dominant side of him did things to her, but she wasn’t about to show him that.

“If you’ll be so kind as to get the fuck off me,” she spat as she yanked her arm from him, “that’d be great. Where the hell are you taking me anyway? FP said to watch me, not lock me away in a tower Mother Gothel.”

Jughead placed his hand over his chest in mock offense, “Ouch, you wound me Rapunzel. I really think I identify more with Flynn Rider then Mother Gothel.”

“Why is your name Eugene and that’s why you go by Jughead?” Betty mocked him as they entered another hallway, this one with two doors across from one another.

“Believe me Princess, my real name is much worse then something as plain as Eugene. That name would be a blessing in my book,” Jughead chuckled as he unlocked the door on the left and dragged her through it, relocking the door behind him.

“Do you seriously feel it necessary to lock me inside? Where am I going to go, really?” she scoffed, “I mean it’s not like there are a lot of places that are especially safe for me right now.”

Betty noticed his demeanor change, his lips turning down into a scowl and his eyes darkening, “Don’t think I am gonna just up and trust a northsider just because she bats her pretty little eyelashes and gives my Dad some sob story about the Ghoulies. I don’t know you and I don’t trust you. So while we are stuck with each other, you will follow my rules or pay the piper. Got it, sweet cheeks?” he growled.

Betty felt her face flame in anger at his abrupt attitude shift and his blatant distrust of her for just being from a different side of town. She did her best to not judge the southside or the people that resided there. She shouldn’t be mistreated just for the prejudice of others and she sure as hell wasn’t gonna let some James Dean wannabe treat her with disrespect.

Betty stepped closer to him, narrowing her eyes and poking him in the chest with her index finger, “First off, this whole Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Douche-bag routine you got going on isn’t going to fly with me, so knock it the fuck off. As you said we are stuck with each other, so we might as well attempt to get along, for however long this takes. Secondly, the next time you call me sweet cheeks, you’re gonna get a taste of what your little friend downstairs got. You got that, asshole?” 

   

*****

Jughead was legitimately speechless right now... Speechless and just a little bit turned on.

Never in his whole life growing up on the southside had anyone, male or female, stood up to him the way this girl had in the short span of a few hours. He couldn’t help the smirk his lips curled into as he wondered if she was just as feisty in the bedroom as she was at any other time.

Betty must have read his thoughts because her eyes narrowed at him again, “What?!”

“Nothing really, just...” Jughead paused as he leaned to whisper in her ear, grinning wider as her breath hitched, “If you wanted to top, all you had to do was ask, I’d be more than happy to switch and bottom for you anytime,” he chuckled at her shocked gasp.

“Well I never-” Betty started but Jughead simply laughed, flicking his thumb across his nose and smiling wider.

“Somehow I doubt that Princess,” he winked, walking into a room down the hall and closing the door behind him.

Jughead slumped against the door, his heart hammering in his chest and his body betraying his cool and calm facade. Jughead looked down at his erection, laughing to himself, You need to get it together, man. Girls like her are bad news and you damn well know it. So she’s hot? And what if she has spunk? She is here for protection, nothing more, nothing less. Don’t mix business.

Jughead pushed himself off the door, clicking the lock before gathering some clothes and heading to his bathroom to take a shower. A nice cold shower...

*****

Betty couldn’t move from her spot in the middle of his living room, staring at the closed door a few feet from her. Did he really just insinuate? And did I... I mean, did I like it??? Betty wondered, clenching her thighs together as she pictured exactly what he might be doing on the other side of that door. Jesus Cooper, reel it in, you’re acting like a teenager for God’s sake.

Her phone ringing pulled her from her thoughts and when she looked at the caller ID she saw that it was an unknown caller. Fighting the urge to throw it across the room and hide somewhere safe, she slowly answered, “Hello?”

“Hey there Blondie, miss me?”

“Malachi. To was do I owe this dishonor?” she rolled her eyes. She really regretted going undercover and getting involved with the Ghoulies and most especially Malachi. From everything she’d seen, he was ruthless. He had a blatant disregard for honor or empathy for other people. All he cared about was his money and his drugs. Oh, and power. That was what this scum lived on.

“Oh baby, now is that anyway to talk to the man that holds your life in his hands? Although I wouldn’t be mad to hold a lot more than that in my hands.”

Betty’s stomach turned at his sinister laugh, the thoughts of him touching her causing bile to rise in her throat. She shook it off, gathering her strength, "What the fuck do you want asshole?" 

"You listen here bitch, I know where you are and who you are with. I have eyes on you already and that snake pit isn't gonna protect you."

Betty felt her blood run cold as her mind raced, How does he know where I am? I made sure no one followed me...

"Oh and if you think the Serpent Prince is going to be of any help to you, think again Cooper. Everyone has their price. How do you think I found out where you were? See you soon, Blondie."

As the like went dead, Betty dropped her phone to the carpet with a thud, her heart stuck in her throat. Had she really so gravely misjudged the Serpents that she walked right into a trap? Was that why he'd locked her in, so she couldn't get away? All Betty knew for certain was she wasn't sticking around to find out. 

Betty gathered her things, looking for a way out. She could pick the lock but getting past a group of Serpents would prove almost impossible. She looked out of the window and saw a fire escape that lead all the way to the back alley. The window wouldn't budge so Betty had a choice to make.

And ultimately, Jughead was right. They didn't know each other, and there was no way in hell she was gonna trust him after what Malachi said to her and the things he knew.

Betty looked around, spotting a baseball bat by the front door but as she went to grab it she heard Jughead's voice calling from inside his room.

She raced to the window, smashing it with the bat and took off down the fire escape and into the night.

*****

"Princess, can you not hear me-"  Jughead's question was cut off by the sound of shattering glass and footsteps on the fire escape, "What the fuck?!" 

Jughead watched as Betty raced down the metal stairs, looking back up at him with terror in her eyes. What the hell spooked her? Jughead didn't have much time to think. He grabbed his jacket and threw his boots on, thankful that he'd decided on jeans and a tank, grabbed his gun and took off after her.

"Where the hell do you think you're going!" he yelled, running faster after her. He didn't have any idea what she was doing or why she ran but he was determined to find out. 

Jughead raced around a corner, eager to cut her off at the other end of the alley and figure out what the hell she was thinking when a scream made him freeze. He heard a scuffle, like she was fighting someone off when he heard a familiar voice.

"God, Malachi said you were gullible, but I think honestly you are the dumbest bitch I have ever seen." Tallboy? What did he mean Malachi?

"You know, I was just supposed to put you down but since I got you here all alone, I might as well have some fun first." Jughead heard her struggling again before a slap resonated through the air.

"Hold still bitch! I promise after I have my fun, I'll make sure you are nice and ready for Mal and the boys when I take you back to him." Tallboy laughed causing Jughead to snap. 

He ran around the corner, gun drawn and ready, "Back the fuck away from her Tallboy or I swear to Christ, I will put you down."

Tallboy laughed, grabbing Betty by the throat and pressing her to his chest as a shield. Jughead could see the fear in her eyes as blood dripped from her nose and lip. His jaw tightened when he caught a glimpse of the bruise forming on her cheek.

"What are you gonna do you little piss ant? Oh, the mighty Serpent Prince, all fear him. Well, now I get to take you out myself, then I'm gonna hurt this little cunt real bad and hand her over to Malachi and no one will ever know." Tallboy ran his fingers along Betty's jawline as she struggled against him.

Jughead scoffed at his cockiness, "What makes you think no one will find out?"

"Cause no one figured out when I took out Joaquin, they won't figure it out now." Jughead growled at his confession, stepping closer to Tallboy and Betty.

"You are missing one glaringly obvious thing Tallboy, I never go anywhere without backup." Suddenly a shot rang out, the bullet catching Tallboy between the eyes and sending his body crashing to the ground.

Betty collapsed into tears on the gravel below, the shock of the situation turning into realization. Jughead stepped closer to her and scooped her into a bridal hold in his arms just as FP and a few others came running.

Jughead stopped in front of his Dad, Betty still in his arms and clinging to him for dear life, "Tallboy was the mole, he killed Quin and he's working with the Ghoulies. He tried- he tried to hurt Betty... Toni put a bullet in his forehead."

Jughead lifted her higher in his arms, whispering into her hair, "Don't worry Betty, I promise no one will hurt you as long as I'm around." 

To Be Continued...

[ashenfox16]

Ghost

Word count-1387

You are Snow White's biological sister,you end up un the isle of the lost because The Evil Queen blackmailed you into doing some of her dirty work.

There were two times when a villain was taken of the isle.First when they had to give birth,it was no surprise that there wasn't really a hospital,much less nurses and doctors,apart from the few that could definetly not be trusted.The second when they died,their body would be taken and cremated in Aurodon.

You sighed,you couldn't take it anymore and your bestfriend didn't help at all.Most days you'd just sit around in his lair,he'd shred on the electric guitar and you'd read whatever book you managed to 'aquire' that day.Hades and you were close,though he'd never admit that,he confided in you and claimed you're the only thing that kept him clinging to his sanity.

You never told him about your plan,because he wouldn't agree.He'd say it was too risky,he'd ask what if.The mix of plants would put you into a sleep like death,but only for 4-5 hours.You let out a heavy sigh,your heart pounding in your ears.You were always a sucker for goodbyes so you decided to write a note.You encrypted it so only Hades could read it,you placed it neatly next to his ember,before leaving.Your heart ached at the thought of having to leave him behind,but you were determined to get the barrier down,no matter what it took.

TIME SKIP TO WHEN THE VK'S HAVE TO GO GET HADES'S EMBER(i'm gonna chage the order a bit Audrey will go to the enchanted lake first and then to Mal's)

Your house may have been isolated,but you made the mistake of setting up near the enchanted lake.You lifted your head up from your book,being a magic user,you could sense certain items.And this one was very,very evil.You got up making your way to the door.You exited and started down the hill.Pink smoke that was new,you focoused your vision seeing the sleeping students.'Ok this is really bad'.You couldn't see the person who might've been responsible for this,but they had no doubt used Maleficent's scepter,which meant either the spell had to be undone by the scepter or...you gulped Hades's ember.

You ran as fast as your legs could carry you,you needed to warn someone and find a way into the Isle.You saw a hunched over figure,that seemed to be trembeling and across from her someone turning away and vanishing you quickly made your way over.

"Yickes,sweet mother of Jesus"you screech jumping as soon as you see the shape Mal is in.Three other vk's come out of the house,and a younger one stands by the door.

"Did you do this?"Evie growls at me.

"I'm quite offended you'd even think that."you retort.

"Then who?"before you could open your mouth to answear Mal manages to mutter a response."It was Audrey."

"And how do we break this curse?"Evie asks,her patience running thin at Mal's tired responses.You but in.

"We're wasting precious time,we need to go to the Isle and get Hades's ember."Mal pointed to me and nodded.

You flipped you hair and then turned away,giving them a glance over your shoulder."C'mon no time to waste."

You stirred the motorcicle through the tight spaces,people screaming at us to get out of the way.You payed them no mind,they were just background noise, and finnaly turned to park.

"You're looking more like yourself."Evie  told Mal,but I cut her off before she could respond.

"Dark magic doesn't work here,believe me I'd know."you smirked at them.

"What do you mean?"confusion crossed their faces.

"I mean I expected this,but really Ev,not recognizing your own step sister,now that is cruel."Evie's face dropped.

"How did you get off the isle?"she was calm,she knew my story and that I never belonged on the isle in the first place,just like them.

"I faked my death,bribed some people,voila."Evie didn't say anything after that just pulled you into a hug."You could have visited you know?"

"Didn't know how you'd react."she let out a fractured laugh and a tear slipped down her cheek.

"I hope those are happy tears."you murmured.

The moment was shattered when you heard engines roaring to life,you turned to see pirates making off with your bikes.

You were prepared to be the leader,but Mal stole the words from your mouth.

"Evie,Carlos and Jay see if you can get our bikes back,me,Celia and.."she paused looking at me "(Y/N)" you said in a low growl "will go get the ember."

You took the lead guiding the girls towards Hades's layer.Mal was having second thoughts when she saw the Cerberus sign,you and Celia shared a look before continouing inside.

You let out a chuckle,when you laid eyes on Hades a leg over the armrest and sunglasses on his eyes.There was something so familiar about coming here you felt nostalgia creep through you.You leaned against one of the wodden pillars at the top of the stairs along with Celia and watched Mal go retrieve the ember.

She had it in her grasp and then she didn't,Hades turned to look at her.

"Hi dad."you watched Celia's face contourt into an excuse me what the fuck expression.

SKIP THE MUSIC NUMBER

Mal turned to leave and Celia followed.

"So how's Aurodon?"Hades asked plopping back down on his chair.Finnaly giving you some attention,apart from the heavy eye contact and winking that went on through the whole song.Especially the tamburine part,it reminded you of how you used to sing duets and have stupid fun.

"I missed you"you say before coming over to hug him.

"Ah,bite me."he hissed and you froze in your tracks.

"Excuse you?I couldn't take this place anymore and I had a way out,I would have told you but you wouldn't have let me leave."

He was silent,watching you with predatory eyes,you felt exposed in this intense stare down.You started bitting your lip nervously.He stood up and made his way over to you,leaving only a tight space between you two,you never broke eye contact,not even now when he was towering above you,trying to make you feel small though you had to admit it was working.

"If you bite your lip one more time,I'm going to do it for you."he growled seductively.

"Wanna bet?"you barely managed to get the words out before he crashed his lips to yours,pushing you against the closest wall.The kiss was rough both of you letting out pent up frustration and aggression towards each other.He broke away and pushed his face against your neck,sucking and biting at your skin.You let out shallow moans of pleasure.

"WHAT THE HELL!"Hades jumped off you and about 2 meteres away.The two of you looked at each other and then turned towards Mal shrugging.

"Unfinished...business?"yep thats what you'd call it,definetly.

"C'mon (y/n) we have to go."Mal said turning on her heels and leaving.

"Before you leave"Hades started"the day you left that note I realized something",he invaded your private space again staring down into your (y/e/c) eyes."I can't live without you,these past 3 months have been hell,I think I..."he flinched looking at the ground.

You took one of his hands in yours and placed your other one on his cheek,turning his gaze back to you"I love you too and I promise you after this Audrey thing is done we will be together,I don't care where as long as I am with you.I was stupid to not realize how much you meant to me."You stood up on your tip toes and placed a tender kiss to his lips before leaving after Mal.Hades lifted his hand slowly touching his lips,trying to comprehend if that just happened or his imagination was playing tricks on him.He smirked as he dropped it,now eagerly waiting for your return.

[newtshairdryer]

Thoughts on Descendants 3 as I watch it for the 8th time and pause to look at everybody all the time

- When Ben and Mal are walking out before the proposal, Audrey is slow clapping and it’s hilarious

-Chad seems genuinely happy to see them together but Audrey rains on his parade

-Please look at Chad’s face to the side after Ben gets on his knee his overdramatic gaping mouth is SENDING ME

-Why do they make Belle and the Beast kiss beside each other’s cheeks like a french greeting? For real though they’re Belle and the Beast...they should be kissing in celebration .-.

-Right after the Carlos/Beast chest bump there’s an extra in the background of Bal just having a blast popping bubbles

-Speaking of the bubbles I have no clue where they’re coming from

- Dude in the background when Audrey says ”What is wrong with you people?” bein shady AF to her

-That one girl in the wheelchair that has been in every single movie needs a name cause we all just refer to her as that one girl in the wheelchair lol

-Mal has her own purple fucking limo and she’s not even royalty yet

-Their money is so vibrantly coloured

-Those cards Celia fan out are definitely, well, a fan. They’re all attached- she’s not even holding onto some of them lol

-Mal resting her chin on Ben’s shoulder to watch him and Celia in the limo. soft

-The scenes in the limo make Ben look really big and awkward because they’re all shoved into a small space and he’s in the middle where the smallest person usually goes...but he’s the biggest person XD

-The barrier takes forever to close and there are a ton of people right there, why has no one attempted to just jump through it yet lol

-What if Hades put his hand through the barrier and it just like...cut it off LMFAO now THAT would have been entertaining 

-Hades literally makes himself roll one more time as he’s pushed back. Like there’s no more momentum and you can see he should stop but he makes himself do another somersault and it’s so obvious lol

-I know it’s been said before but the lack of security in the museum is just lazy AF writing. They didn’t even try to make it realistic it’s way too easy to just waltz in and take anything. Apparently the wand is the only thing worthy of an alarm

-Also why is there not even glass around the scepter to even attempt to discourage people from taking it? Even when the museum is OPEN someone could yank it out and start spelling shit up.

-Ben’s phone rings and he hangs it up less than a second after he picked it up- it doesn’t even show him barely looking at it. How on earth did he have time to see a message about the stolen items- let alone the fact it was a phone call ring...not a text ping

- OK WAIT IF UMA IS ON THE LOOSE AND HE TALKED ABOUT BETTER SECURITY SERIOUSLY WHY ON EARTH IS THE MUSEUM SECURITY SO NON EXISTENT??? IN BOTH THE FIRST MOVIE AND THIS ONE THEIR LACK OF SECURITY IS SUCH A GLARINGLY OBVIOUS THING WHY IS IT NON EXISTENT IT MAKES NO SENSE

-Why are the former King and Queen of Auradon and the current reigning King turning to the not yet Queen for all the advice about evil like it’s her responsibility. They don’t even attempt to brainstorm the vast amount of other ideas. And why on earth can’t she just suggest uh...literal guards by the barrier when it opens for them? Like if they paid people on the isle to guard the barrier so other isle people didn’t try to get out it would help a ton. There are so many other solutions other than closing the barrier completely (and then getting rid of it completely??)

-Does anyone else notice that like...50% of Ben’s screen time is him staring in shock/disbelief at things with literally no other expression for entire scenes? Cause I noticed it the first time around

-My favourite outfit in this whole movie for Mal is this light purple dress she has on when talking about closing the barrier for the first time with Ben’s parents and Evie. She is SO GORGEOUS in it. I’m actually not a fan of the leather suit she wears for the rest of the movie cause I don’t feel it fits with her hairstyle- mainly once it starts to go blue

-I just realized Mal’s hair literally goes from pretty much just purple to lots of blue mixed in. I guess it’s cool cause it’s like she gets power from the ember but I honestly prefer her brighter purple hair. My favourite hairstyle was her bangs she looked like an actual goddess in the 2nd movie

-I think everyone was thinking Dude got into Jane’s cake (despite the very neatly cut corner)

-I honestly love Mal’s face when Audrey shows up with the crown and scepter and her whole new gettup like “What on earth is this chick doing”

-I reiterate “what on earth is this chick doing” as Audrey goes to...sniff? the scepter?

-I wAnT tO bE dAnGeRoUS

-Audrey through a cupcake on the ground. So evil

-Honestly I’m sorry but Audrey talking all angsty to the people at Jane’s party is really cringey. Her lines are just...hhhhhhhhh (you mindless little drones in particular just seems weird the way she says it)

-How on earth does Audrey not see Jane get in the lake...she’s literally right there in full view

-OK so not ALL magic doesn’t work on the Isle, according to Celia only evil magic doesn’t work- so yes Maleficent is still a lizard cause Mal’s spell wasn’t an evil one

-Even with her massive platform shoes Mal is so much shorter than Hades she is yelling at him but having to look way up she’s adorable

- Hades “LET’S DANCE” - proceeds to shake a tambourine, slap his butt with it and stick his tongue out. ok then

-Why did I never notice Mal shake the tambourine at him angrily and then throw it lmao

-WHERE IS THE WIND COMING FROM IN THIS SONG (I will touch back on random wind that shouldn’t be there later on too)

-Mal should say thank you for the ember...imo

-”If it gets wet it’s game over” thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’s what she said

-Mal’s walking away from Haes up those stairs? That booty thicc (only thing I really like about that outfit) 

-Girl has a zipper down her butt. She can unzip her ass cheeks

-I’m glad the jewelry in this movie is no longer plastic like Ben’s ring and his burger king crown

-“You’ll what? Marry them?” OK I am not a big fan of the plot or Audrey’s temper tantrum but  if that isn’t the best fucking burn in this whole franchise then idk what is

-gUYS CELIA IS NOT THE ACTRESS SHE IS SUPPOSE TO BE IN AN ENTIRE MAIN SHOT??? WTF? HOW HAS NO ONE POINTED THIS OUT?? SHE’S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON WHEN THEY’RE WALKING OUT OF THE GATE TOWARDS THE BARRIER ON THE ISLE AND THEN THE NEXT SHOT IT’S BACK TO THE PROPER ACTRESS. BUT IT’S VERY OBVIOUS

-I AM GAY AS SHIT FOR UMA OK SHE IS ABSOLUTE PEAK AESTHETIC AND I WOULD LET HER CHOKE ME WITH HER BRAIDS 

-I deserve some compensation for my muscles...what does that even mean???

-Are we suppose to know who Hannah is?

-”Says you and that’s suppose to mean someth’n to me?” Ok maybe I’m just a flaming bisexual for Uma but why was that line delivery so smooth

-Audrey is abusing Chad. She threw a glass bowl at him and is literally shoving him around and yelling at him while accusing him of knowing things and not telling her. And it’s played for laughs. Descendants you have a lot of good things that are socially woke but this ain’t it man. Chad may have been a douche but he doesn’t deserve abuse. (rhyme oof)

- Why is Dude advertising that he gives great cuddles? Who is that directed at? Why is that line in there? Alright then

-How is Uma the only one that noticed the massive scratches on the wall and the literal painting slashed in half

-Mkay we get it Audrey you’re evil thanks for the random laugh

-The knight in front of them literally clanged as it moved and it’s RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM how did nobody but Harry see it move. This entire movie is me asking why something happened because honestly so much of it just doesn’t make sense but I still love the movie lmao

-Out numbered 1 to 50? How did this girl graduate lol

-I still say What The Fuck Is Happening every time Mal makes the Knights dance. It’s just the most random, out of the blue thing to do

-Mal literally licks her lip and gives Evie the most sultry look as Evie dips down and is singing the end of Night Falls. I’m not a Mevie shipper but it’s the most bedroom eyes I’ve ever seen

-Evie is an absolute ray of sunshine and deserves all the things

-Harry is genuinely flattered at Evie’s compliment about his accent he starts to smile. Dude acts like a complete player and then gets happy when someone gives him a genuine compliment lol

-Jay and Gil are adorable

-Gil is just adorable on his own

-Doug is in way too comfortable of a position to not have already been on the ground sleeping/resting. Which begs the question of why he was just on the ground sleeping like that

-Doug’s long hair and ponytail and complete lack of style are some of my biggest pet peeves in this movie. He doesn’t just look out of place next to Evie, but next to literally everyone else. He looked pretty good in the last two, why such a drastic change that literally nobody asked for or wanted lol

-I seriously can’t take Evie and Doug seriously in this movie just because of his hair. It’s just so unattractive I’m sorry not sorry

- I do enjoy the sense of urgency and time that the movie has as Mal tries to keep moving. Uma and her being like “just kiss him already” is fun

-They could have shot Audrey looking at them through the scepter in a different way...the way it’s just the same close up shot every time she’s looking at it with her hair blowing in the non-existent wind just adds to how cheesy her whole performance is (not her fault, director and writers fault)

-Mal should have kissed Ben when they reunited. 0 reason not to. She was super worried about him and finally reunited with him and she also LOOKED like she wanted to kiss him. Girl was super into that beard. 

-Leave some room for Jesus lmao 

-I’m just bitter cause the only kiss we get this whole movie is from kinda far away and is short. We’ve also never seen them share a sweet kiss in private- they’re always on display....maybe it’s a kink lol

-Ben and Mal holding hands while trying to sneak around <3

-Sophia’s acting when Evie is upset is on point. This whole scene is one of the only really good ones where everyone is rightfully upset with Mal. 

-Mal has had to sing about her feelings in every movie lmao

-Why...does the dragon look like it has a low frame rate? It looks choppy

-Audrey just, once again, doesn’t look menacing. She’s just like...waving a stick around and making mean faces

-”I owe you an apology” says everyone but...no one actually says “I’m sorry” lol

- Ben is just “aw yiss speak human rights to me baby” at Mal during the engagement party

- Beast: “We can’t do that.” I AGREE

-Taking the barrier down with no screening for the villains is a bad bad bad bad idea but it’s a happy disney universe so everything is fine - ugh

-UNSAFE BRIDGE!!1!!1 I’m waiting for someone to fall off- just once, please

-Mal and Uma jumping up and down when they kmeetis the cutest fucking thing on earth

-Ben needs a different thing to dance in, his suit is so stiff

-Harry and Audrey? Hmmmm I’m not opposed but I’m also not feelin it

-Were those people just...waiting there with an already built dragon?

-Ben likes to hip thrust in every movie, no lie

[hitchell-mope]

(Third film. At the courthouse. Bell and Adam are in “discussion” in Hartcourt’s office)

Belle: YOU BASTARD!!!!

Adam: what. What now.

Belle: you cannot take the school. I have been more then generous

Adam: I helped create it!

Belle: IT IS SIGNED IN MY NAME. And. Need I remind you. I had to twist your arm to make it coed and allow non royalty and non humans to be enrolled

Adam: schools are meant for

Belle: everyone! Boy, girls, humans, fairies, dwarves, royal, nob royalty, magic users and mortals alike.

Adam: you said for better or worse

Belle: worse meant if you gambled away our money. Not sinking back into old habits and creating a generational internment camp and becoming little more then the beast you once were

(Adam flips the coffee table in a rage and sends it hurtling into the opposite wall)

Adam: I AM NOT THE BEAST!!!! NOT ANYMORE!!!!

Belle (more calm then she should be): then why did you just throw a table across the room? Mr Hartcourt. I believe we are ready to sign the papers now

Jaques: yes yes. You know where I assume.

Adam: wait

Belle: oh what now!

(This is when “who knew” happens. After the song)

Belle: yeah. Who knew. Who knew you’d devolve into who you were when we met

Adam: you fell in love with that man

Belle: I fell in love with the man who saved me from wolves. Not the creature who threatened to starve me because I refused to dine with him. And certainly not the man who imprisoned innocent children on an island hellscape for two decades. But to you it’s all the same thing isn���t it?

(Adam doesn’t respond)

Belle: See. No answer. Let’s get these papers signed

(On the island)

Mal (on the tv): IM ENGAGED!!!! HAHAHAHA

(On a BarcaLounger a woman with electric blue hair and punk clothes wakes up. And tips over backwards)

Hades: JESUS FUCK! (She snorts and tips the right way up again). Tv rewind! Heh heh. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

(From somewhere in the abode)

Hadie (dressed in smudged eyeliner, silk robe, and hair a mess): I just got in ten minutes ago and you’re yelling oh shit. She did it

Hades: my girl did it.

Hadie: Iris is with the dwarf right?

Hades: that’s Hestia my boy

Hadie: and Icarus?

(Hades doesn’t answer)

Hadie: Oh. Well he lived a good life

Hades: your brother was 18 when he sank beneath

Hadie: I said good not long

Hades: ah yeah right. OOH! Iris needs an engagement present from dear old dad

(Her form melts from Eva Green to Jesse L Martin and starts rummaging through the mountains of detritus in the lair)

Hades: ok now where was it

Hadie: no.

Hades: no what?

Hadie: no you can’t. It could kill her. Iris could very well be the uniting force between Auradon and this trash hole. And doing anything to harm that would be stupid shortsighted and just plain fucking annoying.

Hades: how can you say all that with a hangover.

Hadie: reed root.

Hades: ohhhh. Byeeeeee

(He’s engulfed by electric blue flame)

Hadie: no. NononononoGARGH!!!! Fucking deity

(Back in Auradon. The celebration is in full swing. Doug and Evie have commandeered the dance floor. Carlos is being traumatised by Ben’s dad dancing. Jay’s trying to make “dancing in the moonlight” even louder then it currently is. Everyone’s having fun but dizzy who’s desperately trying to get to Mal, who’s giving Jane a little taster of her lady marmalade performance)

Dizzy: aunt Mal! What are you doing

Mal (abruptly standing up): nothing your mother needs to know about. Especially when your present. Jane dear drink your water

(Jane, eyes as wide as dinner plates, takes a sip of water)

Mal: now. What is it you wanted me for kid?

Dizzy: it’s Celia

Mal (the smile melts from her face): what? What’s wrong?

Dizzy: just. Just come on and help me. Please aunt Mal. Please?

Mal: of course. Yes. I will. Where is she?

Dizzy: our room. She’s in a bad way and

(Mal teleports them to Dizzy’s room then has to duck as a draw comes flying at her. Celia’s tearing the room apart growing more and more frantic with each passing second)

Celia: where is it where is it. I can’t have lost it. Please be here. Please be here. Please

Mal (tentatively): Celia? Are you ok?

Celia (thickly): go away. I don’t want you here. Go away.

Dizzy: Mal has the sceptre. She could use it to help

Celia (feeling betrayed): you brought her here. Why?

Mal (taking the heat for Dizzy): because. I have a little experience with losing things. Things that shouldn’t be lost. Magic. Books. Temper. I could help you. Only if you want to though

Celia (face crumpling): I lost it

Mal: lost what honey?

Celia: my cane. I thought I packed it. My dad made it for me. It’s like it’s like

Mal: a security blanket? Helps you sleep? Calms you down when you’re stressed?

(Celia nods tearfully)

Mal: well alright then. Dizzy could you go to the mini fridge? There should be some soda there

Dizzy: sure

Mal: now. You drink this. And take a nap. I’ll be right here with you. And then when you’re feeling better we can make a plan. Sound good?

Celia (feeling a little better): yeah

(Later. Ben poofs in looking for Mal)

Mal: what in gods name are you wearing and can you wear it more often?

Ben: jay stole my clothes and the twins think my crown has chocolate in it

Mal: why did jay steal your clothes.

Ben: bachelor party

Mal: ohhhh right. Where’s he gonna take you? A frat house manned by Homer Simpson?

Ben: I think ro Rome was mentioned.

Mal: you think it was mentioned?

Ben: double clothes change

Mal: hope you had water on hand. (Looks at his hat). Or beer.

(Ben smiles at her sheepishly. She chuckles)

Celia: what in the name of the Other Side are you wearing

Ben (barely able to stop himself from laughing): important king clothes?

Celia: looks like a burial shroud

(Bal collapse into laughter, Celia joins in right after. Jay poofs in wearing the same thing as Ben)

Mal (still laughing): now this. This works on jay.

Ben (choking on laughter): built like a Greek god

Celia: are they always like this?

Jay: sometime. Never on Saturdays though.

Celia: ah.

(Mal eventually calms down, Ben is still laughing)

Mal: what can we do you for?

Jay: well you disappeared. Then Ben disapperead. You guys are engaged. It’s a party. Have fun. Come on back down to the entrance yard. Everyone’s waiting for you.

Mal: well. Everyone should be in one place so I can tell them

Jay: tell them what?

(Two minutes, a teleportation and an announcement later)

Evie: you’re going WHERE?

Mal: the island. Celia forgot something and she needs it. So I’m going to go with her to get it

Carlos: are you absolutely sure?

Mal (cupping his face in her hands): it’s sweet that you care. But I’m sure. If it doesn’t work you (pointedly to Evie) and only you have my express permission to say “I told you so”

Carlos: I’d like that. I’d really like that

Jay: we’re coming too

Ben: seconded

Devie and Carlos: thirded

Mal: I couldn’t ask you to do that.

Evie: oh M. You’re not asking. We’re telling. Because last time you fucked off ben almost teared the steering wheel off in the limo. The he yelled at me

Dizzy: you were kind of to blame mom

Mal: hey Celia. On the way there. I’m sure Ben and Doug would love to see the cards

Celia (feeling much better now): if they’re prepared to pay up

Dizzy: you can take it out of my allowance

Doug: your allowance is half of my allowance

Dizzy: right.

Ben: I’ll pay for both of us

Celia: anyway is ok with me

Mal: lets go then

Gil: uhhhh. Can I stay here. I don’t wanna leave my boys again

Ben: sure bud

Dizzy: I’m coming with you guys

Devie: no.

Dizzy: why the hell not

Doug: because we won’t be there long

Gil: ah don’t worry Dizz. You can stay with us. Lonnie and I’ll be fencing.

Dizzy: I guess staying here won’t be so bad

Doug (sardonically): of course

Celia: I think she should come with us. She’s my best friend.

(Mal and Evie look at each other trying not to laugh)

Mal: the choice is up to Dizzy

Dizzy: I stay here

Evie: alright then. Let’s go

(Once on the island

Celia: well I just made forty bucks so I’m feeling much better

Ben: there’s plenty more where that came from

Facillier: you do know that she’ll hold you to that

Celia: DAD!

(She runs up to her dad who picks her up)

Facillier: I do hope she hadn’t caused you any trouble

Mal: no. Don’t worry. We’re just back so Celia can grab something she forgot

Celia: my cane

(The other four vks faces pale)

Carlos (venom in his voice): what

Celia: my cane. I can’t sleep without it

Mal: ok. We’re leaving. And your lucky I don’t burn this place to the ground. And you along with it. “Shadow man”

Facillier (perplexed): wait what? What are you talking about

Doug: uh doctor facillier. I um. I think my family may have got their wires crossed. Evie. Honey. Walking stick.

Evie: what. (She follows Doug’s line of sight) ohhhh. Urgh. Our bad

Celia: dad made it for me. I can’t sleep without it

Mal: right. Um. You go get it. We’ll wait right here

(Celia runs off. Leaving the others standing around awkwardly)

Ben: Doctor Facillier. I am so sorry that we thought

Facillier: please your majesty. Call me Antoine. And don’t be sorry. It’s nice to see that Auradon has done something good for the isle children. You’ll be back next Saturday I assume

Ben: of course. And you can call me Ben if you like

Facillier (dryly): ah ha. I’d rather not

Ben (seeing he’s outstayed his welcome): oookay

Carlos: hey dad. Wanna see me neat Doug at the games?

Doug: nice try C. But I’m a professional dancer

Carlos: so am I.

Ben: that means you’re evenly matched. Should be interesting. C’mon. K OK yes see who wins. Malta holidays the reward

(Elsewhere. A short-ish brunette pirate is bumbling her way to Mal jay and Evie)

Harriet (her soft voice at odds with her harsh tone): well we’ll well. Lookee what we got ‘ere. The grand high bitch as dinged to grade us with her present

Mal: oh jeez. Hello Harriet.

Harriet (belching): lizard

Mal: ew. How drunk are you woman

Harriet: ......quite

Evie: oh don’t worry. Soon all that (she gestures to the pirates face) will be covered by a death mask

Harriet: you gonna do me in like you did my bruvver?

Jay: oh dear hookette. He deserved what happened to him

Harriet: HE CANT FUCKING SWIM. HE DROWNED. HES DEAD. YOU LOT KILLED HIM. YOU KILLED EM BOTH

Mal: they tried to kill my friends and family. They tried to capsize and drown the entire student body

Harriet: who gives a fuck about them. They never cared about us. Oh but of course. Uma was right. Uma’s always right

Facillier (intervening before the situation escalates): go home Miss Hook. You’re drunk

Harriet: I’ve been drunk for a year Ant

Facillier: that is Doctor Facillier to you. Now get out. Before I throw you out.

Harriet: make me honey

Facillier: I am older than your father

Harriet: hasn’t stopped me befAAAAAAAAAAAAH

(She’s encased in shade and dragged through the floor)

Celia (eyes glowing fuchsia): you guys aren’t the only ones with magic

Evie (squeaking): EEEEEEEEEEE! What was that

Celia: that means he likes you

Mal: who?

Celia: my pet shadow. Skygge. I can keep him right?

Ben: sure

Celia: yes! Bye daddy

Facillier: bye my girl. And remember. Make sure you get your cut

Celia: already got forty bucks.

Facillier: very good girl. Make sure to write

Celia: of course

(As they’re leaving)

Facillier: lady Mal. Can we talk

Mal: sure...?

Facillier: you are in possession of very precious cargo.

Mal: we know.

Facillier: I know the king. And your sister. The genie. Your son. And Doug all know. But I want to make sure that you know. My daughter is very important to me. If anything should happen to her

Mal: it won’t

Facillier (eyes glowing fuchsia): if it should. I shall hold you personally responsible

Mal (eyes glowing emerald green): I understand your concern. And I assure you. It won’t.

Facillier: the first sign of danger you get her out. She will want to fight but you put your foot down. Do you understand Mal?

Mal: yes. I thoroughly understand. Antoine

Facillier (cracking a very wide smile): well then. Congratulations on the engagement. I’m sure you’ll make a great queen.

Mal: thank you

(At the limo)

Evie: god I love...haaaaaa-hooooow you stopped us causing a scene. I really appreciate it.

Doug (knowing what she was going to say): you’re welcome

(He gets in. Mal poofs in and throws her arm around Evie’s shoulder)

Mal: gotta tell eventually kid

Evie: when we’re ready. Old lady

Mal (smirking and secretly proud of her sister): touché

(They both get in the limo and Carlos starts driving away from the isle)

[harrisongslimited]

An Impossible Task - a John Wick Fanfic

T/W - swearing, romantic fluff, some angst

Chapter 4

The dog followed John into the living room and sat down at his feet while John sat on the couch. Cassie came and handed him a cup of coffee and he took it gratefully.

“I need to check your wounds,” Cassie said softly. “You’ve been moving around a lot and I want to make sure you didn’t tear anything.”

John nodded and put his coffee cup on an end table. He removed the white lab coat and lifted the top of the scrubs up to his shoulder, baring his chest to her. Cassie swallowed hard and leaned over him, first checking his side and then the stab wound up by his collarbone with a gentle touch. His chest was broad and muscular under her hands and even after what he had been through, he smelled soapy and clean. Watching her under warm milk chocolate eyes, Cassie met his gaze and smiled.

“Now I need to check your leg wound,” she told him, trying to sound as professional as she could.

John continued to stare at her as he stood and lowered the scrubs pants to his knees.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” Cassie said to herself, his powerful, athletic thigh under her hand. She was hoping he didn’t sense her nervousness.

“Looks good,” she told him as he pulled the pants back up and sat down. “Everything looks really good. Are you in any pain?”

“It’s okay,” he answered.

“Why don’t you lay down for an hour or so? When you wake I’m sure you will be more clear-headed.”

John leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. Cassie took the blanket from the other end of the sofa and covered him. He didn’t even stir.

John was glad he could close his eyes to block her from his sight. The thoughts in his mind had to stop. Thinking back to the note Helen left him when she died, it said he needed to find “something…or someone…to love” and until now, he hadn’t thought she meant a real “someone”. Being faithful to her even after she had died was who he was. He had a perfect love and she died. He thought he didn’t need anything more than to hold onto the memory of her, but it didn’t feed the need that all living human beings had. To be loved, to be touched, to be connected to a real, live person. And even considering what and who he was, underneath he was just a man. He was just a man.

 Cassie watched him from the chair that she curled herself into with her cup of coffee. It was right by the bay window at the front of her house and looked out onto the green grass of her yard. It was dark now, and she only saw her front porch light reflected off the dew on the grass.

“Now what?” Cassie said to herself. “Now what?”

Sure, he said he wasn’t a serial killer or spy, but what was he? And why the hell did he have a body like a professional athlete? And where, in God’s good name, did he get that hair?? It was like goddamn dark chocolate melting down a piece of satin.  

She was glad his eyes were closed and he appeared to be asleep so she could get a good look at him. For all the lacerations on his face and bruises on his cheeks and chin, he was beautiful, but sadness escaped from every pore he had. Cassie thought that he belonged nowhere, with his no name dog. He was off his moorings and settled himself on the strength of his will alone.

How she knew this, she didn’t know. It was her little voice and she had to stop herself.  She knew where this led. It was Cassie sending out the lifeline, saving the victim and then drowning herself.

“Oh, no, not this time,” she said to herself. “Oh, no, girlfriend.”

It didn’t matter how great he looked or how good his body was or how sad and disenchanted he appeared to be. The tipping factor not in her favor was the hair. She wished he had a head injury so she could inconspicuously run her hands through it, but that wasn’t the case. But no. She wasn’t going to sacrifice herself again. Really, how many times do you hurt yourself before you put on some armor?

“John whatever-your-last-name-is, you’re on your own,” she said to herself again. “I don’t care how needy and handsome you are.”

It was her little voice that kept bothering her, during that every day battle between her heart and her intellect. The little voice was her heart and self protection mode was her intellect. After the long chat with her intellect, her heart decided it needed its say.

You could help him. He seems lonely and a little more than lost. You could help him believe in the goodness of people again and maybe he’d name that poor dog.

“He’s a good person,” the voice said. “He’s just lost his way and ended up on your doorstep for a reason.”

“Oh, shut up,” Cassie said out loud.

 John awoke with a sore neck and rubbed it while rotating his head. Glancing over at Cassie, he could see her studying him carefully. They watched each other for a long time, John’s eyes running appreciatively down her body, a sense of urgency and desire building up in both of them. John seemed frozen in his seat as Cassie stood up and walked towards him. It was a slow, languid walk, as she took off her white lab coat and let it slip to the floor. Her hand slid through her hair and her curls released themselves into waves of shiny, auburn tides. She slipped her shoes off and left them where they were, her bare feet colored with shimmering red nails.

It seemed like an eternity for Cassie to walk to him and he sat up on the edge of the sofa. Cassie’s hand touched the side of his face and he leaned forward into her, her hand clasping him to her chest. He let out a long breath and felt his body relax.  She stroked his coarse black beard and ran her hand around his chin. He could smell her sweet, light scent and he closed his eyes in order to breathe her in. While her one hand was wrapped around his chin, her other hand combed lazily through his hair in long, sweet sweeps. He felt her lean down and place her cheek on top of his head.

John sat back and pulled Cassie into his lap. Straddling him, she leaned into him and……

“John?” Cassie said, gently touching his arm to wake him. “John?”

He sat up with a start and began blinking his eyes. “Oh, fuck,” he said to himself. “Grand mal fuck.”

“Are you okay?”

John nodded, finally coming to his senses. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just didn’t know where I was for a minute.”

“Well, it’s morning and I’ve made breakfast. I don’t know when you ate last, so it might be a good idea to get something in your stomach.”

He nodded. “Thanks.”

While eating, John asked Cassie about the best way to get into the city. “Commuter train? Bus?”

“I’ll take you,” Cassie offered. “Where do you need to go? Do you live there?”

“No,” he answered, evenly. “My house….there was a gas leak. It exploded and destroyed everything. I need to get to the Continental Hotel.”

[classic-rock-roller]

1. You’re in the Game Grumps studio and Bonham and Danny are singing a song together while you and Arin are reviewing the power hour in post. At one point Danny takes it up a few notes to try to harmonize. It sounds nice for a second, but then it sounds terrible. “Dammit Dan, I lost the note cause you tried to harmonize.” How does he respond and what do you and Arin say?

Dan: you should have kept it. Stick your finger in your ear. 

Arin: It sounded good for a second. 

Me: I can’t harmonize for shit. 

2. You’re in the car with Bonham and Arin and Danny on your way to get lunch. When you get to where you’re going, Bonham tries to get out of the back of the car, but her foot gets stuck between the seat and the door, and she falls out of the car and lands on her side. The three of you just watched it happen, but she springs up immediately, “That was fun, let’s go.” How do the three of you respond?

Me: Are you ok?

Dan: You’re something else.

Arin: Let’s not so that again 

3. You and Danny are talking in the Game Grumps studio one day, and Arin and Bonham are nowhere to be found. You’re having a nice time. Ross comes up to you at one point and says, “You guys should come see this, it’s crazy.” You and Danny follow him, and find Arin and Bonham taste testing weird shit that Matt and Ryan (Supermega, fellow Game Grumps) are mixing. How’s it going when you arrive? What are Matt and Ryan giving them? What do they all say when you and Danny arrive?

They’re gagging and Matt and Ryan are making different cocktails out of things like escargot, caviar, and calamari. They look at us and Matt and Ryan are like, “Wanna join?” While Bons and Arin scream, “DON’T!” 

4. You and your band are finally finished with a late night concert and meet and greet. Danny, Arin, Suzy, and Ross were there, and when you see them, Ross says, “Geez guys, you look like hell.” “Yeah, you look like something they serve at 2:30 in the morning at IHOP.” Danny says after hugging Bonham. How do you and Bonham respond, and what do the Grumps say in response?

He goes to hug me and after I’ve been hugging him for a bit he goes to move when Kevin goes, “Don’t move. She fell asleep.” 

Danny: Jesus she must have been tired. 

Suzy: Aww, she looks so sweet sleeping on your shoulder. 

Arin: Besides the fact that she’s drooling a bit. 

Bons: We’re all exhausted. She usually passes out on the tour bus about this time. 

5. Bonham is doing Danny’s makeup for the NSP one-night-only performance on a talk show. They’re in the room next to yours and at one point you hear her yell, “Dammit, just fucking hold still!” You go see what’s happening, and Danny is having none of the makeup thing. “It’s tickling my face!” How do they respond to you coming in, and does he ever get his makeup on?

Danny looks over to me and goes, “How can you do this on a daily basis for your concerts? Jesus.” 

Bons: Stop looking over at BabyCarrot and look at me.

He finally does get his makeup on. 

6. You’re eating lunch with the Grumps and Bonham one day, and out of nowhere Danny says, “Want to see a dumb trick?” “Sure,” Bonham says. He then proceeds to put a small piece of bread in his mouth, spit it into the air, and catch it in his mouth. “Ta da,” he says through his full mouth. How do you, Bonham, and Arin respond?

Me: You're a human canon!

Bons: That’s awesome!

Arin: No it’s not it’s gross. 

7. Danny is speculating on ideas for the next NSP album and he says, “It would be neat to use a melodica, but we don’t have one.” Instantly, Bonham says, “I have one.” Instead of gratitude, his initial response is, “Why do you have a melodica?” “If you need weird instruments, I’m your guy.” How do you and Danny respond?

Me: Where do you think we get all those awesome instruments for our albums?  

Danny: Awesome! I may have to hit you up for some. 

8. Bonham is in the studio working on her solo cover album, and one day you and Danny and Arin decide to surprise her by bringing her lunch. When you get there, you find her lying on the floor with her eyes closed and The Last Unicorn playing and she’s singing along. The song ends and she still hasn’t noticed that you’re there. Danny says, “You were singing my song.” She jumps a little and says, “When did you guys get here?” How do the three of you respond?

Me: We brought you lunch. We’ve been here for a majority of the song. 

Danny: You like it that much?

Arin: Why are you on the floor? 

9. You’re eating lunch with Bonham and Arin and Danny, and at one point Danny asks, “Hey Bonham, have you ever been in bed with somebody and called them the wrong name?” She’s taken off guard, and says, “Wha–no? How would that even work? Just like, ‘unh, Batman, take me…’ What even, man?” This for some reason makes him laugh uncontrollably. How do you and Arin respond and what does Danny say when he’s done laughing?

Me: I almost called Kevin Nikki once but caught myself before I did. 

Arin: How did that go over?

Danny: Batman? Seriously that’s the best name you could have used as an example. 

10. Danny and Arin discovered your band’s song “through the ages”, where each member of your band was dressed as a different stage of life (Sean was the baby, Bonham was the kid, Linus was the teenager, you were the adult, and Erik was the old man. I can’t find it looking back but I think you know the one). They’re admiring the different looks, but in the scene when Bonham and Sean are playing they start losing their shit. “What’s so funny?” you ask. Arin says, “She pretends to be so fuckin serious all the time but then this…” He trails off laughing and Dan says, “The emotions I feel inside from the cuteness is unbearable.” How do you respond, and what does Bonham say?

Me: Yep, Bons is a big cutie-pie. She’s always been since we first met and I love her for it. 

Bons: I AM NOT! I am serious and I can punch you if you wrong me. 

I come up behind her and hug her from behind, “You’re a Cutie-Pie!” Danny runs up and hugs her screaming, “Cuddle puddle!!” and then Arin joins in. 

11. Arin learned that Bonham likes guitar hero so he and Dan come to you two one day and suggests that you and her join them on guest grumps to play it. “We’re all musicians so it’ll be fun.” How do the two of you respond, and do you do it? If you do, how does it go?

Me: We can but be prepared to have your asses beat. 

Bons: Hell yeah! 

It goes well and of course Bonham beats all our asses. 

____________________

1) Your singer never hugs anyone unless he is really close to them or really likes them. One day, while you’re about to start a Power Hour, she comes up and hugs Danny from behind, “Hi, Danny.” Arin goes, “What the fuck? Where’s my hug?” Your singer looks under Danny’s arm (because he’s nine inches taller than her), “You don’t deserve a hug yet, Arin. Danny is just very huggable, kind of like Kevin.” How do you, Dan, and Arin respond?

2) You’re working on your album with NSP and your singer really wants to cover Same Old Situation by Mötley Crüe. You’re discussing it with Danny and your band members when Sean pipes up, “What is that song about anyway? I never got it.” How do you, your singer, Danny, Linus, and Erik respond?

3) Nikki and Tommy thought it’d be a great idea to have you and your singer dance as some of the strippers in Crüe’s music video for Girls Girls Girls. While filming parts, Vince or Tommy would either wolf whistle at you and your singer or scream, “Look like you’re having fun up there, dammit!” One time, your singer screams back, “I’m not a fucking stripper. I’d rather be the one placing the dollar bills in the girls’ panties.” How do you, Tommy, Nikki, Vince, and Mick respond?

4) Your singer made you swear to never tell Kevin that she dated Nikki before she dated him. One day, Kevin comes to you with a box and slams it down on the table so hard it makes you jump, “What’s this?” He slides it over to you and you open it to find...compromising pictures of Nikki and your singer when they were drunk on a tour before she met Kevin. How do you respond and what happens once your singer gets home? 

5) Your band has just started and you need to find stage outfits. One day, your band, Randy, Rudy, and Kevin are in the studio when you hear Sean ask, “What the fuck are you wearing?” And you turn around to see your singer in leather pants, thigh-high heeled leather boots, a long leather trench coat, a layered shirt and a black top hat on top of a black wig. “What? I wanted to experiment. Although on the walk here I got quite the looks.” Sean replies, “Yeah, because you look stupid.” How do you, Erik, Linus, Randy, Rudy, and Kevin respond?

6) You, your singer, Kevin, Rudy, and Nikki are all drinking at your singer and Kevin’s house. Dan and Arin are there too but are not drinking. Your singer gets really quiet and goes and stands out on the balcony. This would not be odd except its only 15 out and your singer doesn’t have a jacket. Soon the rest of you come out. You’re the first one to your singer and she goes to you, “What do you think would happen if something happened to me? Would anyone care?” she looks back over the balcony, “At least the criticism would stop.” How do you, Kevin, Rudy, Nikki, Danny, and Arin respond?

7) Your singer is still with Kevin onstage after she kissed him. And Rudy, Carlos, and Frankie are getting annoyed. The crowd keeps screaming, “Kiss your wife again!” And your singer won’t leave the stage. What do you do to get her off the stage?

8) You and Rudy are Mal, Eddie, and Roxanne’s godparents. One day, your singer pulls you and Rudy aside while the kids are playing and goes, “God forbid, if anything happens to Kevin and I. You’ll take care of our babies, right?” You can see the worry and fear behind her eyes as she goes from looking at you to looking at the three of them. How do you and Rudy respond?

9)  Your singer takes you, Rudy, and Kevin with her to her parents’ house to take care of their chicken while they’re on vacation. You, Rudy, and Kevin are upstairs watering the plants when you hear the door open and your singer scream, “No, Hei Hei!” The three of you turn around to see the chicken running up the stairs and your singer chasing after it, “Get back here you fucking chicken!” How do you, Rudy, and Kevin respond? Do you help her catch the chicken?

10) Sean is still being an ass to your singer while in the studio. She’s exhausted from taking care of her kids and one time, she just bursts into tears, “I can’t take this. I’m exhausted. I need sleep but we have to finish this. And Kevin is so great and he takes care of our kids but he’s so busy at work right now and I just...” How do you, Erik, Linus, and Sean respond?

11) You, Kevin, your singer, and your singer’s sister are all sitting on your singer and Kevin’s couch. Your singer is reading and the three of you are watching a movie. At one point, your singer’s sister looks at her and goes, “Can you stop breathing? It’s annoying.” Your singer closes her book and goes, “I’ll just go in my room since my very presence seems to piss you off when you’re already in a piss ass mood.” “Why don’t you disappear? It’ll make my life a hell of a lot easier.” Your singer leaves the room. What do you and Kevin say to her sister?

12) You’re on tour with War Angel and Rudy, Kevin, and Dan and Arin are with you. One day, you’re looking for your singer and Danny comes out to you, Arin, and Kevin and goes, “You have to see this.” He takes you to the back of the bus where you find Rudy and your singer cuddled together sleeping with your singer’s face in Rudy’s neck. How do you, Arin, and Kevin respond and what do your singer and Rudy say when they wake up?

@osbournebemydaddy your turn Bons :)

[artificialqueens]

Your life is gonna change me (Biadore) Chapter 5 - AbbiNeedless

“Can we come in?”

Adore looked at her office’s door and found Aja standing with Farrah by her side.

“Sure.”

She closed the book she was reading and looked at her students.

“Is something wrong?” “Not at all!” Aja said. “Actually we’re here to give you a little present.”

Farrah took from her backpack a little pink box with a white gift bow.

“Aww, that’s so sweet!” “I chose the wrapping and the bow.” Farrah said when she gave her the box. “I can see.” She opened their present and found four seeds with a red ribbon each. “I’ve seen these before but I don’t remember what are those.” “Those are ojos de venado.” Aja explained her. “It’s an amulet against bad influences, bad vibes and envies.” “Wow…” “Yeah, you should wear it now that you’re pregnant and give one to your wife, for protection.” “And these other two are for my kids?” “Yeah, my mama used to say that every baby should wear it so people couldn’t do them a mal de ojo.” “Thank you, girls, this is a very good and cute gift.” The girls walked to her and hugged her, Aja helped her to wear the amulet in her wrist. “You’re welcome, mrs Delano.” Farrah said and hugged her one last time. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” “See you, girls!”

—-

Mom: Adore Adore: I didn’t do it! Adore: wassup? Mom: Come to the house, I have a surprise for you Adore: I’ll be there :3

—-

Adore closed her car’s door and walked to the house.

“Why dos this fucking path has to be steep? Goddamn it.”

She opened the door’s house.

“Mom?” “Kitchen!”

Adore put her things in her mom’s couch and walked to where the voice came, she found her mom with a lot of worsted balls in the table and two little hand knitted blankets.

“Oh my God, you knitted those?” She sat next to her mom and took a pink blanket in her hands, it felt soft and warm. “I did.” Bonnie looked proud of her work. “You never knit.” “I only knit in special occasions.” She smile to her daughter. “I haven’t finished them yet, I still need to put their names with white thread so they look perfect for my grandbabies’ cribs.” “You still have four months, mom.” “Those months will be gone before you realize.” She took her daughters hands. “How have you being feeling?” “My boobs are bigger, mom and my back hurts a lot.” “Everyone can see that your boobs are bigger, Adore, they’re getting huge!” “I didn’t know that was something that happened now, I thought it would be when they were almost here.” “Nope, it happens now. What about your back? How many pillows do you need to sleep?” “Like five, my back always fucking hurts, even when I’m in bed and… Mom.” “What? Is something wrong?” “Mom…” “Is something wrong?” “They’re moving.” She took her hand and placed in her stomach. “They’re moving!” “Oh God.” She put both hands on her daughter stomach, she could feel how both of her grandbabies were moving inside of her daughter, it almost made her cry. “You better sign these kids in dancing lessons when they grow up.” “I’ll ask Alyssa or maybe Laganja.” She said with a big smile. “Sasha said that I’m going to be feeling their moves more often now that they’re bigger, it’s so surreal!” “I know, it’s always like this with the first pregnancy.” Bonnie said. “Ernie never let me sleep, he was always dancing in here!” “Ethan and Willow must be learning how to dance tango, just look at them!” “Sign them with Alyssa.”

—-

Tyra: Bianca? Bianca: I’m on my studio, do you need something? Tyra: could you please come to my office? I need to talk to you Bianca: why don’t you come to my studio? I’m busy with the gown for Dakota Fanning Tyra: you serious? Bianca: you are the one who wants to talk with me Tyra: you win, I’ll be there in a minute

—-

“Bianca?” “Come in, Tyra.”

Tyra got into her studio and walked to her, she studied the dress her mannequin was wearing.

“Take a picture.” Bianca said while she hand sewn the final details. “It last longer.” “I didn’t come here to talk about Dakota’s dress.” “Then?” “The New York fashion week of this year.” “What about it?” “Are you going to attend it?” “Of course I am, why are you asking?” “Well, I thought you were not going.” “Why?” She held the needle with her teeth. “Because of Adore’s pregnancy, I think it would better for Adore to have her wife by her side, we all know sometimes she can’t handle difficult situations like the one you are living now alone.” Courtney and Valentina turned their gaze at Bianca, she looked mad. “This is about to get real.” Courtney gave her cellphone to her daughter and looked at Valentina, she nodded. “Tyra.” Bianca said.“Adore’s pregnancy is not an impediment for me to go to the fashion week, by that time she is going to be a seven months pregnant lady and she is going to be just fine.” “If you say so.” She gave her dress a last look and walked to the door. “By the way, that dress needs a last stitch on the side.”

She took her cellphone out and typed a message.

Bianca: Can I kill Tyra? Raja: I’d love to see that but Marco would kill us if something happened to her Raja: why do you want to kill her now?? Bianca: she’s being a bitch Raja: nothing new Bianca: about Adore’s pregnancy Raja: kill her and then throw her body to a river Raja: I’ll help you!

Bianca smiled to her phone’s screen.

Bianca: I’ll have it on mind

She finished sewing the dress, it was a beautiful long sleeved dress, the fabric had a flower petal pattern that the Fanning girl had chosen herself.

“I don’t think the dress needs an extra stitch on the side.” Courtney said behind her.

Bianca nodded and walked to her desk thinking in how many ways she could call Tyra a bitch.

“Bianca, could you please stop mumbling about Tyra?” “Courtney, she was talking shit about my wife!” “Mama, what is shit?” The red haired girl who was sitting in one of the chairs asked her. “It’s a bad word that you cannot say, ok?” “But what is it?” “What Tyra says.” Bianca said and sat on her chair.

Victoria put the cellphone down and walked to Bianca.

“Don’t be angry.” “I’m already angry, Vicky.” “Then don’t be it.” “What a great solution.” She sighed and covered her face with her free hand. “Vicky, why don’t you go to play with Valentina? Auntie Bianca is a little bit upset.” “Ok, mom.”

The little girl left them alone and joined Valentina in the other side of the studio.

“Don’t be mad at Vicky, she is just worried about you.” “I’m not mad at her, I’m mad at Tyra, that bitch wants to take my spot in the fashion week so she can show her stupid bride dresses, they’re not even that good.” “Look, you have a lot of work here and that stresses you out and then there’s Adore and your kids, try to relax a little bit.” “I was relaxed until that bitch came and started to talk…” Courtney raised her eyebrows. “Dumb things about my wife.” “Try to focus on something else.”

Her cellphone lighted up with a notification, she opened the message and a smile was on her face again.

Baby Jesus eyes: look at this, Bea!! Baby Jesus eyes sent two pictures. Baby Jesus eyes: My mom knitted two blankets for Ethan and Willow with their names on it! It’s so cute I almost puked rainbows ❤❤❤❤ and two of my students gave me ojos de venado, they say it keeps envies and bad vibes from the person who’s wearing it, I’m already wearing one and I have one for you and for our babies :D My willow: that amulet is what I need right now Baby Jesus eyes: I’m at my mom’s, come after work and I’ll give one to you

“Auntie Bianca?” Victoria asked her, Bianca helped her to sit in her lap. “You’re not mad anymore?” “No.” She looked at the photo of the knitted blankets with her kids names on those. “Not anymore.”

—-

“You shouldn’t wear that shit.” Bonnie said while she looked at her daughter. “Why not?” “Because is a bruja’s shit.” “It’s Santeria, I googled it and its white magic.” “All magic is bad.” “I don’t agree with that.”

The door opening noise distracted them from their fight, Bianca got into the house and smiled to them.

“Hi, Dorey. Hi, Bonnie.” “Bianca, thank God you’re here.” Bonnie said. “Come and tell your wife to stop this brujeria bullshit.” “Is this about the ojo de venado?” She kissed her wife and sat beside her. “Yeah, is not safe for her and the babies to wear that thing.” “Actually…” “…” “My mom used to make us wear them, they’re good for the person who’s wearing it.” Adore gave her mom a satisfied smile. “You see?” “Oh damnit, you know what? Do whatever you want, both of you are crazy.” “A little bit, yeah.” Adore rested her head on Bianca’s shoulder. “Well.” Bonnie handed them the knitted blankets. “These are for my grandbabies, put them on their cribs.” “We will.”

Bonnie gave them a big bear hug and walked with them to their cars.

“See you, later, mijas.” “See ya, mom.” Adore hugged Bonnie. “Take care of yourself, Adore.” “I always do it!” “I mean it, baby.” She took her daughter’s hands. “Take care of yourself.” “I will, mom, you don’t have anything to worry about.”

She got into her car and drove away.

—-

Valentina: Tia Bianca Tia B: yes, kiddo? Valentina: can I spend the night at Violet’s? Tia B: hmm… Valentina: Pleaseeeeee? :3 Tia B: yeah, whatever Valentina: Yay! See ya tomorrow :D Tia B: Don’t drink too much Valentina: who said we’re going to drink? Tia B: our missing vodka bottle Tia B: rude Valentina: oops Tia B: just be careful Valentina: I always am!

—-

Bianca put her cellphone back in her pocket and grabbed the popcorn bowl, she joined her wife in the couch and cuddled with her.

“What movie do you want to see?” Adore asked her while she scrolled down on Netflix. “Whatever is ok.” “Sure?” “Not Contact, I told Katya I was not going to watch that shit.” “Ok, Bea, no Contact.” She started to type a name in the searcher. “Last time we went to our checkup Cynthia recommended me a movie called ‘Viva’, wanna watch it?” “Sure, play it.”

—-

Bianca was laying in the grass of their garden in the middle of the night just looking at the sky and playing with the amulet on her wrist, the movie made her think a lot about her parents and all the shit that happened when she came out to them. Dede and Sammy noticed there was something wrong with her and started giving little kisses to her face.

“Oh babies.” She kissed them back. “Mama is ok!”

Don’t lie to yourself, you’re not ok.

“I’m ok… I’m ok.”

—-

Christmas 1993

“Mama…” “Don’t you dare to call me that again, Bianca.” All of her siblings went to their rooms when they saw their mom was getting angry, Tony gave her a worried look before he disappeared into the stairs. “Papa?” “Who are you?…” Her mother screamed to her not letting her husband speak. “You’ve known me your whole life and you ask me this? I am the same girl who loved to play with her brothers, I’m the same girl who had always the main role in the school plays, I am the same teenager who started to design her own clothes and I am the same Bianca you’ve called daughter for the last 18 years! I just got tired of lying to you.” “…” “I’m your daughter.” “You should have keep that for yourself.” Her mother looked away. “I raised you for better.” “Mom…” “I want you out.” “What?” “Pack your things and leave my house, I won’t have a butch living under my roof.” “Laida, come on.” Her father said. “It’s Christmas, don’t make her do this now.” “She didn’t think about that before doing this! Before she became lesbian!” “I didn’t ‘become’ a lesbian! I’m always been like this!” “Stop this, Bianca!” Her mom looked at her, the look in her eyes was terrifying, Bianca had never seen her mom this angry. “I took a decision, I want you out by tomorrow midday.” Her mother left the dining room and closed her bedroom door with a slam. “Dad?” Bianca saw the man she loved the most getting up from his chair. “Dad…” “I’m sorry, Bianca but a decision has been taken.” He walked to her and sat by her side. “I hate to do this, I really do, but it has to be done.” “You have to be kidding!” She wiped the tears from her face. “Where will I go? What am I going to do?” “We have money saved for your college, before your mother remembers it I’m going to transfer all of it to your account.” “What?” “You’ll be able to pay your studies and find a nice place for you to live, you’ll have to get a better job though but this will help you out.” “Papa…” She got up and hugged her father with all of her strength, she didn’t want to leave him, she didn’t. “Go pack your things, Bea. Tomorrow I’ll help you find a place, I’m not like your mother.” “I know… I love you, Papa.” “I love you too, Bea.”

—-

She got up and entered her house again with the dogs behind her. She went to her office and turned on her computer, she opened a new document and started typing.

Adelaida and Dante.

This is Bianca, your daughter, do you remember me? It’s been a while since the last time we saw each other, Valentina’s quinceañera party, I think it was a good day, don’t you think?

I’m writing you because I realized a lot of things in the past months and I wanted to tell you about all that since I “left” your house.

I got two degrees, one in scenic arts and one as a fashion designer, after Hurricane Katrina I decided to move to New York, I lived there for a couple of years working in Broadway and when I turned 34 I moved to California, it’s an amazing city; the climate is great, no storms like in Louisiana, you’d love it.

Two years later I met someone, she has the most beautiful eyes in the world and the most beautiful smile and laugh too. She is super charismatic, clever, lovely and has the most enormous heart ever. We got married a year later, her name is Adore, I took her with me to Valentina’s quinces I don’t know if you remember her. She is a professor in the University of California and also a singer, you’d love to play guitar while she is singing, dad, I’m sure of that.

When we moved together we adopted two dogs, Dede and Sammy, they’re cute and small like Wendy was, my mother in law call them our perrijos, it’s really fun.

Also after we moved together I took Valentina, your granddaughter, under my wing. I have to say that I was pretty disappointed to know that you didn’t learn anything from what happened with me and the story repeated again with her. When Tony kicked her out after coming out she came to me and I gave her a place that she now can call home and she has a better life now; she studies dancing in the University of California and works with me as my model, she is doing great.

I’m also writing you because I wanted to give you news; my family is growing, Adore is pregnant, pregnant with twins and I realized that I want Ethan and Willow to know their grandparents. Adore’s mom is the sweetest grandmother I’ve known in the last few years, she has ten grandchildren and she knows all of their names and always gives them all the love she can. I want my children to have that with you.

I’m not forcing you to be back in my life again or to be in my children’s life, that’s your choice but it would be nice if my wife and my children could get to know my parents.

Your daughter. Bianca.

PS. I’m also sending you some pictures of the family and of my kids, they’ll be here in four months.

She printed the letter and put it on an envelope with the photos, she walked out of the house with her dogs and got to the mailbox.

“Well, it’s now or never.”

She put the letter into the mailbox and went back to her house without looking back.