#AND REGULUS AS THIS HOT UNCLE

[hasturlover]

Alright im brainrotting so like james and lily get harry enrolled in kindergarten and he instantly infatuated with little cactus draco who regulus babysat because draco is a menace for babysitter but soft only for his uncle reggie. So it ends up with so so much playdates between harry and draco which sorta like a date (going tot theme park, aquarium, beach, ice rink, etc) for jegulily. Jily cant help think regulus is so pretty charming and gorgeous and mooning over the black heir while kinda hiding their crush from each other because they felt guilty loving another person. While regulus kinda confused because why both potters are so sweet to him?? Is it potter thing, he is confused but he is so happy whenever james hug him or lily peck his cheek before leaving. Meanwhile harry and draco planning for jegulily marriage necause both of them evil little shits

[my-castles-crumbling]

Gay Panic?

First year:

James, casually: So my uncle has a husband.

Sirius, shocked: You can do that?

James: Yeah, I reckon so.

-

Second year:

Sirius: So I have a gay uncle too.

James, not really bothered: Weird, mate. Guess a lot of people are gay.

Sirius, a bit contemplative: Hahaha. Weird.

-

Third year:

Sirius, nervously: Do you ever want to kiss people?

James: Girls, right? You mean girls?

Sirius, even more nervously: Erm, yeah. Girls.

James: Yeah, I like Evans. She’s like…bossy-hot.

-

Fourth year:

Remus: So…I'm gay.

Sirius, having a gay crisis: Ohhhh! Erm, we support you!

James, also panicking, thinking of gay Regulus: Yes. We're allies!

Sirius, still internally panicking: Such allies.

-

Fifth year:

Sirius, freaking out again: So, you know how we're like…allies?

James, paranoid, worried Sirius saw him staring at Reggie: Yeah?

Sirius: Allies can have like…gay dreams, right? And still be straight?

James, relieved: Oh. Oh, yeah! Absolutely. I do, too! And I'm a thousand percent straight.

-

Sixth year:

Sirius, really having a crisis after Remus returned to school six inches taller: It's totally normal as a straight person to have a crush on another bloke, right?

James, still fully in denial even though he's been stalking Reg on the Map: Erm, yeah. Definitely. We're both straight.

-

Seventh year:

Sirius, having just kissed Remus: So actually Im definitely gay and I'm dating Moony and that crush and those dreams were all very gay.

James: Well FUCK what am I, then?

[ecstarry]

regulus taking draco to the local bookstore where they read fun stories for kids expecting to see remus as always but it's james and regulus instantly melts when james does the silly voices and he's so adorable and then james rolls up his sleeves and reg is just like damn how are u so fucking hot and cute at the same time. and draco is like uncle reg i met this kid harry can u set up a play date? and reg is kicking his feet texting james like they are the ones going out on the date

[eternalstarlights]

@hxdrostorms

The rightful Sagittarius saint? How dare this person?! Regulus only grew angrier at those words and having the Sagittarius arrow pointed at him.

“No, you are not! My uncle is the rightful Sagittarius saint! You are an imposter!”

Even though Aiolos told him to not take one step forward, Regulus did, almost daring him to attack him.

“I don’t know who Aiolia is but this is my cloth. I rightfully earned this cloth. It has been my father’s cloth and now it is mine. I didn’t do anything to whoever Aiolia is.” The more the stranger started to ramble on, the less sense he made. “I don’t know who the others are but Athena is safe in the Sanctuary, safe away from you. Now answer my question! Who are you really? Are you a specter with an ability to mimic a saint?”

'Aiolos is the traitor! He is fleeing with Athena! He attacked the Pope!'

'Don't let him escape! Kill him and bring back Athena!'

He could sense Aphrodite, Deathmask and Shura's cosmos closing in on him. It would only be a matter of time, before those three caught up to him. Meanwhile, Saga's almost omnipresent cosmos energy extended across the entire territory. It was a scene of utmost horror, but he still clinged onto the last strand of hope. He just needed to cross the bridge, that connected the Sanctuary to the rest of the continent for him to successfully escape with the baby in his arms.

Then, all of the sudden all of his senses became muted. He couldn't hear, see or do anything for a second.

When did Saga become that powerful to be able to do something like this? Was that even his doing to begin with? Did the others actually catch up to him?

So many questions flooded Aiolos' mind, but he wasn't granted anywhere near the smallest time to make sense of anything. When he regained his senses and control of his flesh, he instinctively took the position to charge another attack. It was easy to tell how he was still caught up, in the heat of the pursuit.

A golden glowing arrow formed above him, and gained an intense shine to it by the second. It pointed at the stranger, hovering ever so slightly above the brunnette's head. But, it hadn't been fired neither did it vanish, just yet. Aiolos realized he was face to face with a complete stranger, wielding the Leo cloth.

Sweatbeads ran down his face, when he couldn't recognize the other person. All he could think about was his little brother. Aiolia had set out to keep training, he couldn't be here (wherever he was) in that moment. It was only then, he realized that the bundle he has been carrying with himself, became a lot lighter as if it were empty.

"I am Aiolos, the rightful Sagittarius saint. One step forward and I'll shoot the Sagittarius arrow." Aiolos warned, visibly confused and almost hinting at what could be perceived as fear. His eyes darted all over the place as well, there wasn't any sign of the three other gold saints. He also couldn't sense Saga's cosmos energy anylonger. "You aren't Aiolia, but you're wielding his Leo cloth. What did you do to him?! Where are the others that were chasing me? Athena has vanished, I was carrying her-" His voice became frantic, as he tried to make sense of the new surrounding area.

[calamitoustide]

okay so Harry is Lily’s kid and James is his uncle and one day Lily’s in a bind and needs him to pick Harry up from daycare so of course he does it and he goes in and finds this… really hot dad. And his daughter is talking to Harry so James takes the chance to go talk to him. He learns his name is Regulus and is so obsessed with it as James always is and Reg points at Harry and asks if he’s his son. James being the idiot that he is says yes (he’s struggling). Also they look pretty much identical cause he was the sperm donor so it makes sense that Reg asks. James has been asked it before... but Reg is hot and he short circuited. They leave and agree that they should rearrange a play date… you know for the kids.

James has to keep asking Lily to borrow Harry to take him to these places and it’s this huge mess.

And Reg has to keep coming up with reasons to Pandora and Xeno why he always wants to take their daughter out places.

chaos ensues.

[bimoonphases]

@wolfstarmicrofic September 6 - prompt 6: Time-Turner [word count 622]

It had become a sort of routine, the first night after they all came back to Hogwarts after spending the holidays apart. After the train ride, and the banquet, when they closed the door of their dorm, they kicked off their shoes and gathered on James’s bed. There, Sirius finally let the cheery mask he had worn since that morning drop and nestled in James’s arms, James delicately passing a hand in his hair. Remus kneeled at the bottom of the bed and slowly rolled up Sirius’s trousers, doing his best not to grimace at the sight of the new wounds appearing on the back of Sirius’s calves, and delicately applied a healing pomade Poppy gave him every Full, before bandaging them. Peter then carefully measured the right amount of drops of the Sleeping Draught he had brewed to give Sirius a good, dreamless night of sleep without knocking him out immediately. After that they all relaxed back on the pillows, or on James’s chest in Sirius’s case, and played the Time-Turner game.

“If I had a Time-Turner,” Peter was saying in that moment, “I would travel back and meet the founders of Hogwarts.”

“That would be cool,” Remus agreed. “I wonder how different they were to how they’ve been pictured in History.”

“I’m a direct descendant of Salazar Slytherin, according to family lore,” Sirius yawned, the Sleeping Draught evidently close to achieving its goal. “So he must have been insanely hot too.”

“Of course, Pads,” James smiled, patting him on the head.

Remus caught himself nodding and stopped immediately, but not before Peter shot him a knowing look and he turned away, feeling his cheeks heat up. Damn that stupid crush of his on Sirius fucking Black of all people.

“If I had a Time-Turner,” James went on, “I would travel back and watch a Quidditch game when McGonagall played Chaser for Gryffindor.”

“That would be awesome!” Peter exclaimed. “Also, can you imagine her at our age?”

There was a moment of silence, then they all shook their heads laughing. Sirius managed to yawn mid-laugh and ended up closing his eyes, his nose buried  in James’s shirt.

“If I had a Time-Turner,” Remus said, “I would go back and meet Merlin himself.”

“I kind of imagine him like Dumbledore in a way. Maybe you would find out they’re related,” James smiled, moving his hand in Sirius’s hair. “Pads? Do you want to keep playing or are you asleep?”

“If I had a Time-Turner,” Sirius mumbled without even opening his eyes, “I would travel back and stop my mother and my Uncle Cygnus from murdering my Uncle Alphard, so that he could live on and take me and Regulus in.”

A stunned silence followed, the only sound Sirius’s snores. They looked at each other, eyes wide, each wondering if what they had just heard was true, each of them knowing deep down it was. Nothing was past the so-called Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, and they were well placed to know not even their own members were safe. Remus’s hands balled into fists as James’s arms closed protectively around Sirius’s sleeping form.

“If I had a Time-Turner, I would go back and blast both Orion and Walburga Black out of existence,” Remus whispered.

He swallowed, his eyes moving from Sirius’s bandaged calves to his face, finally serene in his sleep. Peter leaned closer and silently pried Remus’s hands open just before he could break the skin.

“Unfortunately,” Remus went on, his voice trembling, “they did manage to make one of the things I love the most in this world and I would never want to lose him.”

He was grateful his friends chose just to nod and smile at him.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 14 - Climb

@jegulus-microfic August 14, Word count 810

Previous part First Wolfstar part

Regulus was hot, over hot, nearly sweating. The cause of the climb in his temperature was currently curled around him, locking him into his body so he couldn’t escape. He was in James’s bed with James. His heart did an odd little flutter at the idea. Teenage Regulus would be having a stroke if he knew this was in his future. 

He kept as still as possible. Cataloguing the way it felt to be touching James, the way his skin was smooth on his chest but scratching with unshaved bristles on his chin and neck, the steady thump of his heartbeat and his slow, even sleep-filled breaths. James stirred, he wrapped his arms tighter around Regulus, nuzzling his hair. 

“Mmm, lavender,” He sighed as he slowly woke up. 

“Sorry did I wake you?” Regulus’s voice was slightly muffled against James’s chest. 

“No, you’re alright. Did you sleep?” James asked, yawning and rolling his shoulders. 

“Yes, thank you,” Regulus whispered. He didn’t want this moment to end. 

James shuffled him but only so he could roll onto his back and drag Regulus back under his arm. Regulus almost purred when James’s hand stroked up his arm and into his curls. He carded his fingers through Regulus’s hair and gently scratched at his scalp. He’d never had anybody touch him like that. Not that he hadn’t fantasised about it. It was peaceful. He sighed contentedly and allowed himself the luxury of stretching his arm out across James’s chest and leaving it there. 

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed there, but their little bubble was abruptly broken by a loud pop and the arrival of Flitsy. 

“Breakfast,” She barked at them before popping back out of the room again. 

“She’s unnerving,” Regulus shuddered. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to the odd little elf. James chuckled and pushed the hair off Regulus’s face so he could press a kiss on his forehead. It had been so natural, like he’d done it a thousand times before. Regulus had no idea where they stood now after he’d thrown himself at James yesterday in the library, but James seemed more than happy to continue whatever it was.

“Come on, love, or she’ll come back, and she won’t be as nice.” Regulus jumped out of James’s bed and went in search of his clothes. They were clean and mended on his bed, ready for him to put on. 

He met James on the landing, and they went down to breakfast together, James taking his hand in his again as he led him back to the dining room. 

Huge bowls of steaming porridge waited for them. Regulus wolfed his down, feeling warm and full afterwards. They thanked Flitsy for the meal and wandered to the library to look up parselmouths. 

The search wasn’t nearly as fruitful as yesterday had been. It turned out that at some point a few Potters had the ability to speak the snake language, but it hadn’t been seen for five generations. 

“Gah, this is useless!” Regulus whined as he threw James’s great great great great uncle’s diary, telling the story about how he’d charmed a snake to curl up on his head like a circlet crown and that Morag Potter had called him a daft old goat. Apparently, he’d asked that same snake to sleep on Morag’s pillow and been severely punished by his mother for it, across the desk. 

“Well, then we need to think of a different solution.” James said, closing his own book, ‘Know your Serpents’. "What other parselmouths do we know of apart from Voldemort?” Regulus shoved his hands into his hair and tugged hard. 

“No one. The only ones I’ve ever heard of are Voldemort himself, Salazar Slytherin and now your four times great uncle Malcolm! It’s useless!” He let his head drop onto the desk, trying to get his brain to think of anything that could help. 

“Regulus?” James asked thoughtfully. 

“I know, I know, it’s never hopeless, blah, blah, blah, good always wins, blah, blah, blah, we can do it,” He said defeatedly, raising his fist in mock cheer.

“Well, yes, but that’s not what I was going to say,” James was grinning. Regulus could hear it in his voice.

“Go on then, what were you going to say?” Regulus said into the table. 

“Is it true there’s a portrait of Salazar Slytherin in the Slytherin Common room?”

“Yes, he’s above the fireplace. He’s a bit of a pain really always talking to the snake they painted him with. Sometimes the hissing gave me headaches—Oh Merlin’s beard!!!” His head snapped up. “There’s a portrait of Salazar in the Slytherin Common room!” He gawped at James, mouth wide open in an O. 

“There’s a portrait of Salazar in the Slytherin Common room,” James repeated, grinning from ear to ear. Finally, they were getting somewhere.

Next part

[starchaserwrites]

@jegulus-microfic / february 11: map / word count: 755 cw:implied sexual content

The situation is this, in two days it's the wedding of his two best friends IN THE WORLD, which is wonderful and James is so excited for them after all they had to go through to get to this moment. He honestly loves them from the bottom of his heart, but maybe he would love them more if they hadn't decided to have the wedding IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOTHING. When they decided to have it in France since Sirius and his brother lived there with their uncle from the moment they ran away from their parents' house, the idea sounded sensational, but upon discovering the great little detail that it would be in a small rural village with zero signs in English, James slowly began to panic a little.

And here he is now, without a map since his phone lost all signal and internet access and subsequently ran out of battery, stuck in an old unheated rental car on a dirt road waiting for an endless flock of sheep to cross and not knowing a lick of French apart from "Bonjour" which won't help in this situation. Oh, and it's now pouring. Fantastic.

And you see, of course James has already considered going out and shooing the sheep out of the way, but contemplating he doesn't know where he's going, that wouldn't be good for the sheep who are probably just trying to get back to their pen, or anyone else. That's the only reason, of course it's not because he's afraid of the sheep. Definitely it isn't. 

When the daylight was almost completely gone and James was resigned to die waiting there (why do they need so many sheep in such a small town), a tapping on his window made him jump out of surprise at the thought that the sheep had finally agreed to hasten his death. A horse and its rider were standing by his window, but in order to see his face James had to roll down the pane and poke his head slightly out of the window.

"Vous avez besoin d'aide?" 

James had never regretted not speaking French as much as he did at this moment. The man on the horse looked like something straight out of a "Horse and Rider" magazine, but hotter. With his shiny black boots, wet shirt clinging to his body highlighting his strong arms and abs, and black curls accompanied by the most stunning pair of silver eyes James had ever seen in his life. So what if he wants this god to fold him in half? Sue him.

"Sorry, I don't speak French," James said sadly, putting an end to his fantasy.

"No problem, I just asked if you needed any help." replied the man on horseback in such a fluent way catching him off guard, but with a divinely thick accent. Fantasy resumed.

Oh, a deity had definitely decided to come down from Olympus to personally help James.

Later, inside the castle that Reg called home, and insisted on taking him because, and quoting him, "it's dangerous to drive around here so late at night, lots of wild animals", James emerged from the shower with only a towel wrapped around his hips, not expecting the silver-eyed man to be waiting for him with clean, dry clothes in the room. 

Nothing could have prepared him for the heat he felt as he was scanned up and down by that hungry gaze. So in a moment of enlightenment he remembered the only French phrase he knew.

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?"

"God, if you weren't so hot I'd be feeling so much cringe right now."

James's prayers of being folded in half were answered that night.

The next morning, he awoke to feel the warmth on his right side move and Sirius's horrified screams.

Hold on. Rewind. 

Sirius? So he was able to find the address in the end?

"Really James? My baby brother? And this is why you weren't answering your phone? We thought you were dead!"

Oh, so it is “Reg” as in Regulus. Wow.

“I died and went to heaven.” 

And in the blink of an eye Sirius was on top of him trying to throttle him.

In the end, all the necessary explanations were given. Sirius wasn't happy at first to learn that Regulus and James could become more than a one-night stand, but he eventually accepted it and the wedding went off without a hitch.

James had never been so grateful for a flock of sheep before.

[wastingawayinmyroom]

i’m backkkk

-regulus would have been pandora’s secret keeper and luna’s godfather if he’d lived longer

-lily asks regulus on a date and (because regulus is fighting with james and he’s a petty little bitch) would accept only because he knows james is listening

-regulily/moonwater (pick your poison) making out in the library on prefect duty (because reg/remus is justtt bad enough of an influence)

-regulus would be a firm black coffee only drinker….until the holiday drinks come out

-james/barty would be the kind to click the end of a pen on repeat when they’re zoned out (easiest way to get hexed by regulus)

-dorcas who’s humor is so dark it scares even barty sometimes

-regulus would have a single nail painted at all times as his small little act of rebellion (he isn’t brave enough to do anything major)

-bonus points if it matches whatever color barty/pandora painted theirs

-pandora makes them all friendship bracelets and they all refuse to take them off (she put protection charms on them :( not that they helped anyone much)

-i’m a sucker for regulus only complimenting people in monotone french (in a way that sounds insulting to anyone that doesn’t speak it)

-more bonus points if it’s to james and sirius had taught him enough he could decipher it

had to let these marinate in my ask box for a moment

starting from the top!

guys. we have so much stuff about barty and evan being luna's crazy uncles. but what about regulus????

anw he sosososo would!!!!! imo regulus is just. amazing with kids. like every child on planet earth loves him, so obvi he's baby luna's godfather because she just ADORES him

next one!

petty bitch regulus is peak tbh

my favorite version of regulus ever

imagine it's endgame jegulily

personally i see moonwater doing the next one not on prefect duty, just having a study session in the library and randomly making out

but regulily? yes. they're be stumbling into broom closets and snogging whenever they can.

REGULUS BLACL LIKES PUMKIN SPICE LATTES I REPEAT REGULUS BLACK LIKES PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES

i see barty doing the next one on purpose just to be an annoying little shit, but james actually zoning out and doing it and regulus is just watching him and going, oh fuck he's hot

he tells barty and barty literally loses it when regulus DOESN'T hex james

dorcas has dark humour. she is the queen of dark humour.

okok next one!!!! it's usually his middle finger on his left hand bc that's what he flips people off with, and you gotta be stylish and rude so

also regulus is left-handed i said what i had to

it's usually matching with pandora but one time he accidentally matched with barty too so 3/5 of the skittles ended up with matching nails

NEXT ONE NEXT ONE imagine pandora casted the protection charms wrong and it accidentally turned the bracelets into bad luck bracelets

and she tried to warn them but nobody listened

hehe :)

regulus complimenting james in monotone french except he's not complimenting him, he's literally calling him the sexiest man alive

and james fucking understands him

goodbye!!!!!

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Auto destructive mode. That's the term that James had used and Remus couldn't believe he was more right about Sirius.

"Keep an eye on him for me, yeah Moony?" he had asked.

That's exactly what Remus was doing. All he had observed was that Sirius was drinking, laughing and having fun during the party.

It wasn't the good kind of fun. It was the one Sirius used to hide away his pain. Remus knew this because he had heard Sirius crying after he returned from his Uncle's funeral.

The boys had been worried that Sirius would return to his messed up family after everything that happened over the summer.

The issues between The Black Family were all blurred yet. But Sirius wasn't alright. He just pretended to be.

Now The Halloween Party was the perfect opportunity to lose himself. So Remus followed Sirius to the little kitchenette on Gryffindor Tower.

"Another one bites the dust" Remus said when he noticed Sirius was alone.

And he was getting another drink.

When Sirius noticed him, he smiled.

"Ha?"

"Because you're dressed as Freddy Mercury"

Sirius grinned. Remus reckoned the fake moustache suited him.

"You look pretty good yourself, Mr. Bowie"

Remus's costume didn't require much. Although Mary had done an incredible job with the lighting makeup.

"Under pressure"

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"That's the song Mercury and Bowie sing together"

Sirius giggled "Got the reference" he said as he poured some alcohol on a cup "Aren't we the most gorgeous leyends there are?"

Remus smiled "Sure"

Sirius emptied the cup in one gulp.

"Maybe you should take it easy, Freddy" Remus said, trying not to show his concern "Teachers are coming every half an hour to check on us..."

Sirius shrugged "It's a freaking party, Moony! Loosen up a little"

Then with a mischievous but gorgeous smile, he gave Remus another cup.

"Something tells me you're too sober"

"And you're dangerously tipsy, aren't you?"

"Bit" Sirius grinned innocently "I'm fine!" to prove it, he took another sip.

"Have a drink with me!" Sirius insisted, taking a step closer. That gorgeous bastard was all sweaty and perfect "Don't be a loser and a prick"

Remus chuckled.

"Prongs sent me to supervise you"

Sirius raised an eyebrow "Is that so? Do I need supervising?"

One step closer.

Remus smirked, getting closer as well. But only to grab the cup from his hand.

"Yeah you do"

"Moons!"

"You're going to thank me tomorrow when the hangover is not as bad"

Sirius literally pouted like a little kid.

"But I'm thirsty!"

"Drink some water!"

"Water is lame"

Remus laughed as he shook his head. He decided to finish Sirius’s drink himself before Sirius had the chance to drink more.

"If you are taking my drink away at least give something in exchange"

Remus bit his lip "Water?"

Sirius frowned "Something better"

"Something like what?"

Sirius’s eyes deepened, he granted Remus with that sexy suggestive smile of his. Sirius grabbed Remus's t-shirt and pulled him closer.

Remus's heart raced in response.

"Something like this..."

It was hungry the way Sirius kissed him now. The fake moustache rushed his nose and mouth. Remus could taste the alcohol on his tongue. He smelled like alcohol, cologne and sweat as well.

It would've been dreamy to snog Sirius when he looked so gorgeous. But Sirius was drunk. Sober Sirius would never kiss him like that without looking around to see if someone was around.

"What if someone comes in?" Remus asked as soon as he interrupted the kiss.

Sirius shrugged "Everyone is probably drunk somewhere"

Then he kissed him again.

Remus felt the desperation in the way Sirius was kissing him. Like he wanted to prove something. Or maybe distract himself with a hot snogging session. Like he desperately craved affection and warmth from someone. Anyone.

Suddenly, the words that Regulus had told Remus hours ago, crossed his mind: "He is just using you, Lupin. You think he is all innocent, don't you? Sirius is just using you to piss our parents off".

Remus pushed him away now. It didn't feel right to kiss Sirius like this.

"No, Sirius..."

"What's wrong?"

Remus swallowed "You know that we are friends, right?"

Sirius smiled "Yeah, of course! Best friends!"

Friends and only friends.

"Well, if you need to talk... about something..."

Sirius seemed confused "Does it look like I want to talk right now?" he smiled as he wrapped his arms around Remus's neck.

"You know what I mean" Remus said "We are best friends even though we..."

"Snog sometimes?"

"Yeah" Remus sighed with a little smile "But your Uncle just died and you seem off..."

And just like that, that Sirius’s smirk disappeared from his face. He went pale even.

"People die, Remus"

Sirius put his arms down.

"I know you're hurt...I heard you crying the other night"

Maybe Remus wanted for Sirius to open up with him. That way he would see that he was more than a game for Sirius. That he genuinely cared for him. That he trusted him as well.

Remus loved him. And he wanted to be loved back.

Although Sirius seemed uncomfortable now.

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?" Sirius looked down.

"I just wanted to make sure, you're okay"

"What are you, my babysitter?" Sirius snapped "I said I'm freaking fine!"

Remus didn't answer. Maybe drinking to forget seemed like a good idea.

"Sorry, Moony" Sirius softened his expression. "I just don't fancy talking about my bloody family, right now"

"I got it" Remus said "Just wanted to let you know I am here for you"

Sirius touched Remus's cheek gently. Maybe it was the light. But Remus could've sworn he saw Sirius’s eyes getting watery.

"I know I have not been easy lately, Moons" Sirius said "But I know you are there for me. My little shinny moon that I can turn to when everything seems dark..."

Remus smiled because he felt his cheeks burning. His crush or rather love for Sirius was so pathetic sometimes.

"Sometimes you are just the hype of my day"

"Sometimes you're the hype of mine"

It wasn't 'I love you' precisely but it was something. Regulus was full of shit.

"And these lips" Sirius touched Remus's "Are better than any drink"

"They don't give you a hangover"

Sirius giggled "Trust me. Sometimes they do"

And when Sirius gave him that gorgeous smile, Remus believed him.

"You want to drink with me now and have fun?" Sirius asked teasingly.

"You mean drink water?"

Sirius laughed. He wrapped his arms around Remus's neck again.

"What if we continue snogging?"

Remus smiled "That's healthier"

"And more fun" Sirius raised an eyebrow suggestively.

How could Remus say no to that?

"Take off that rigid thing first" Remus giggled, pointing to the fake moustache. Sirius grinned but obeyed.

They kissed once more. It felt better than the first time. Sirius was taking his time to taste Remus's lips. He was being delicate and careful. Those kind of kisses that made Remus melt.

Remus felt like he was floating. He loved Sirius. He loved him. He loved him. He loved him. There was no turning back.

[astranix]

slytherin sirius black × gryffindor james potter

the most non-angsty sirius and regulus running away fic ever coz we don't have enough of those

"This was, without a doubt," Regulus pants, glancing over his shoulder, "the stupidest thing you've ever done! And that's really saying something."

"This was also, without a doubt," Sirius says, glaring, "the best decision of my whole miserable life."

"We're gonna starve, you fucking idiot—!" Regulus says, smacking him on the back of his head. "We have nowhere to go."

Sirius freezes in his steps.

"Uncle Alphard?" he asks. Regulus smacks him again, and Sirius smacks him back.

"We can't go there, Sirius," Regulus says, wincing and rubbing his head. "Mother would know. She must already know, because it's the only place we could possibly go!"

There's silence for a second.

"Right. Lestrange isn't an option, neither is Dolohov," Sirius says, grimly. "Mulciber is a bitch, Avery's too thick to understand. Snape's probably homeless himself. What about you?"

"Barty's parents never leave him alone," Regulus clenches his jaw. "And Rosier would probably not be home. He's been sending me postcards from France."

"Fuck," Sirius scans where they're standing. "Andromeda hasn't talked to you since she ran, has she?"

"You think she'll talk to me before you?" Regulus scoffs. "She hasn't. And we can't live on the fucking streets, you know that."

"We have money," Sirius says.

"Yeah, but we would have to get it exchanged into muggle money, which, one, we don't know shit about. And two, we would have to walk straight into Gringotts. Anybody could see us."

Regulus tugs at his hair, always the one who worries more, always the one who gives up earlier.

"Well," Sirius, hedges, "if we could find an owl, we wouldn't need to go to Diagon Alley."

"Oh yes, of course," Regulus says, snidely. "All our problems are now completely solved! We just need a goddamn owl!"

The muggles walking past them give them strange looks, and Regulus lowers his tone.

"Look, Sirius," he says, fixing him with a determined expression. Sirius already hates where this is going. "You're sixteen, you're going to be out of Grimmauld in a year or two, anyway. And if you move out, I'll move with you. But we—we can't do anything except go back. It's cold. It's going to rain soon. We haven't eaten in a day."

Sirius stares at him, incredulous.

"If this is about your ego," Regulus starts, angrily, "then—"

"No!" Sirius interrupts, hotly. "Are you insane?! This is about our continued existence. She would kill us, if we went back! She's a fucking psycho! She was just about to curse the shit out of you, for no reason, which is literally why we ran—"

"I can take it," Regulus dismisses. "Besides, you ran out, and dragged me along."

Sirius gapes at him, unable to speak more.

"No," Sirius says, firmly, and looks straight at Regulus, because what he says now is what they do, this is final. "We're not going back."

Regulus's shoulders drop, defeated.

"Right," he mutters, and the sudden resignation that settles on his face, bitter and tired, makes Sirius think that sometimes, he's no better than his mother.

They stand silently, for a tense, uncomfortable moment.

Then, "I have an idea," Sirius says, because he does.

And it's a bad, bad one.

Of course, it's also the only one they have.

That, right then, that's when it starts raining.

Regulus scrambles for shade under the shed of the muggle shop closest to them.

Sirius braces himself, and raises his wand.

It's only a moment before the Knight Bus pops, loud and purple and sharply at contrast with the grey evening.

"Godric's Hollow," he says to the conductor, and hands him a handful of sickles. "And two hot chocolates."

They take a seat, and Regulus looks at him with a dubious expression.

"Godric's Hollow?" he pronounces, slowly. Sirius ignores him, grabbing the two mugs that the conductor gives them.

"Why are we going to Godric's Hollow?" Regulus insists, his teeth chattering in the cold. "Sirius? What the hell? We don't know anyone there."

He's right.

Sort of.

Sirius just hands Regulus the hot chocolate, refusing to answer.

"We're going to die," Regulus mumbles, gloomily. "We're really going to die."

"Shut it," Sirius says, and gives the conductor two sickles more for blankets. "You're not."

(-)

Sirius knows which house they have to go to, the moment he sees it.

It's big, bright, there's green grass surrounding it. It looks like one of those pictures in childrens' books, flowers and fences and whatnot.

It's barely drizzling by the time they reach.

Regulus had settled to just watching Sirius do whatever he wants to, but as soon as he starts walking towards the house, Regulus freezes in his tracks.

"I really need some information, right now," he says, quietly, wary eyes on the house. There's something beautiful about the whole scene, brick-red and cosy, and that's even more suspicious, isn't it.

They don't know anybody so warm.

"It's Potter's house," Sirius admits, finally. Regulus startles, whipping around to stare at him, absolutely shocked.

Anybody would be.

"Potter?" he hisses, like he's never heard the name before. "Potter?! What—! Sirius, he hates you! You hate him back! You hate each other!"

"I know," Sirius says, and rings the doorbell.

"Oh my god," Regulus breathes out, disbelieving. "You're mad. You're actually mad. We spent so much of our money to come here, Sirius. And when Potter, for obvious fucking reasons, turns us away, we won't even—"

The front door opens.

Regulus tugs at Sirius's sleeve.

"We can still run, come on, it won't be as embarrassing then," he says, frantic, "Even Alphard would be better than this. We could hide in his dungeon."

"Alphard has a dungeon?" Sirius asks, curiously, just as James Potter steps out.

He looks at them for a second, blankly, blinking behind thin-wired round frames. His hair is a mess, as usual, he's wearing actual pyjamas. And then, a moment later, his brain seems to catch up with him.

"What," James Potter says, bewildered. "What are you doing here—?"

"We need a place to stay," Sirius says, demands. Do the Potters rent out rooms to guests? That would make so much more sense. "For some days."

"Huh?" Potter's expression says that they do not, in fact, own a guest service. "Wha—?"

Sirius sighs, and pulls Regulus with him, again, not away from the house, like they should be going, but towards, and then he—then he just—

He walks inside Potter's house.

Just. Pushes past him, and walks in.

Like he owns it.

Regulus and Potter stare at each other, Regulus is horrified, Potter is confused.

"Thanks," Sirius's voice comes from inside.

"You're welcome," Potter mutters, automatically, before blinking dumbly, again, and going inside.

Regulus, reluctantly, ridiculously, follows him.

(-)

So.

Sirius has now, in a span of 24 hours, cussed out his mother, thrown cutlery at their father's head, forced his way into someone’s home, and clearly, he has no plans to leave.

James Potter is apparently, and bizarrely, completely okay with this.

"My parents won't be home until late evening," he says, uncertainly, in his own home, while Sirius sits on the couch, comfortable as all hell, reading the last edition of Witch Weekly. "We should eat something."

Yes! Regulus's stomach says.

"We can't cook," he says, aloud, apologetically. "We had elves."

"Well, we don't. And I can cook," Potter says, shrugging. "What would you like?"

What the fuck is even going on, Regulus thinks.

"I'll help," he says, instead. Potter just shrugs again.

(-)

"Why?" Regulus asks, as soon as they reach the kitchen, shutting the door behind him. It's not like the kitchen at Grimmauld. It has a muggle stove, and what Regulus is guessing, other muggle... devices.

"Why what?" Potter says, and the slight grin on his face tells Regulus that he knows exactly what he's talking about.

"Why—" Regulus huffs, "why're you doing all this?"

"I'm hungry," Potter says, with an infuriating smirk, as he opens the shelves, takes out a pan and some plates. "And my mum taught me well."

"You know that's not what I'm asking," Regulus says. "Why did you let us in? Why're you letting us—" stay.

If he is, that is.

"Actually you'll find that I did not, in fact, let you in," he replies, setting the pan on the flame and dropping a unnecessary amount of butter. It sizzles and melts, and Regulus can't bring himself to meet Potter's eyes. "That would imply you asked."

"Okay," Regulus huffs. "Why didn't you kick Sirius and me out then?"

Potter's expression flickers a little, and he looks away, absent-mindedly cutting the tomato he's got on the counter.

Regulus waits.

Chop chop chop.

"Well," James says, finally, quietly, eyes on the thin slices of tomato, "you can't quite say no to Sirius Black, can you?"

"You... could have," Regulus narrows his eyes.

Potter just shakes his head. "He's...he's—"

"Oh, god no," Regulus exhales, because no way. "Not you too."

"'Too?'" Potter repeats.

"You like Sirius, don't you?" Regulus asks, scoffing when Potter gives him a wide-eyed expression.

He's so painfully obvious.

Regulus doesn't want to interpret any of this. He goes on, anyway.

"You know he's using you, right?" he asks, quietly.

Chop chop chop chop.

"He doesn't know anything about that, Black," Potter says, eyes firmly on the pan, as he slides the onion and tomato slices off the board.

"Sirius," Regulus says, slowly, "always knows when someone likes him. He always, always knows what anybody feels about him. My brother's a lot of things, but oblivious or delusional he's not."

"Maybe I just don't mind the company, alright?" Potter replies, curt, and Regulus is just about to reply, when a sudden noise comes from outside, the thud of the door.

"James, honey?" says a woman's voice, sounding mildly confused.

[impishtubist]

saturday snippet

“It’s gonna be weird, not having Uncle Reg teach Potions,” Harry says. 

“He’s only taking a year off. Besides, you’ll like Professor Belby.” 

“You know him?” Harry asks. He follows Remus into the kitchen and perches on the countertop while Remus sets about making some hot chocolate. 

“He’s the inventor of the Wolfsbane potion,” Remus says. “And I went on a couple of dates with him when I was younger.” 

Harry groans. “Dad, have you dated all my professors?”

“No,” Remus says, tweaking Harry’s nose. “Only Professor Belby and Professor Dearborn. Well, I also did kiss Regulus at a party once. And--”

“Stop,” Harry says, and Remus laughs.

[siriuslychessi]

05 Meeting in a Foreign country

The Blacks always did a summer trip abroad to expand their culture, their distaste for muggles and visit distant family, that Sirius absolutely loaded.

However, this time around the trip was not so bad. They were staying with Uncle Alphard, the most bearable person in that family aside from Andromeda. Uncle Alphard had a nice house in the French Riviera where they were a bit far from the city yet close enough to the muggles that the rest of the Blacks and Rosiers didn’t deem a place to visit so often. 

This allowed Sirius time to explore on his own, visit places that usually his mother wouldn’t like, and of course not having to endure the horrible afternoon teas with all the dreadful aunts and uncles that Sirius’ never cared to remember or entertain. 

On a lazy Tuesday afternoon he decided to go to the nearby market. Regulus had been sunburned from the beach the day before, and her mother didn’t want to discuss his Gryffindor affiliations all afternoon, leaving him to roam around. 

He decided ice cream would be the best solution to all his problems, the only issue was that the trip to town was longer than he anticipated and the sun was just getting higher and higher, heating the road. Making him wish he had his apparition permit already instead of having to walk to town. 

After a while of sweating and feeling defeated, he remembered something he had accomplished the last year. 

Sirius had become an animagus over the last year, something that not many 16 year olds could brag about, and his animagus form was inconspicuous enough that he could arrive to town faster and without raising alarms. Maybe he could try to see if his alternative form would endure the heat better?

It took him longer than an experienced wizard to get the shape to change, he hadn’t perfected it just yet, the back and forth, and he did not fancy getting stuck half man half beast; repeating ‘Amato Animo Animato Animagus’ under his breath just to make sure. But after a few minutes, where he stood now was a black dog. 

Sirius let himself adjust to Padfoot’s form, he could feel the hair on his skin and as he usually changed during colder times he could not know how Padfoot’s body reacted. He remembered that the coat of fur would isolate him somehow from the heat and cold, it was an odd sensation being all covered in fur and not feeling as hot as he did in human form. 

He felt himself panting, his body running on instinct more than brain, and he decided to start a spring towards the city, gauging how it would be to actually run all the way there, maybe he could make it. 

There was a breeze from the sea, and his paws felt a little bit damped, like they were sweating, which made more sense than sweating from the furry spots. Yet the breeze was cooling him down, and he felt almost as if he was on a broom, flying, letting the breeze run through his hair and enjoying every minute of it. 

In no time he made it to town, he was tired but elated. Padfoot was amazing and he loved that he made almost no time there. It didn’t hurt that he got attention from the people that noticed him go through the city calling him a cute boy and giving him pets and treats as he went by. 

Yet his mind was made, he needed water and then transform to properly get ice cream. 

Looking for a place to get back into human form he was stopped by a person with long legs who stopped his tracks. 

The smell was familiar, comforting even, and he couldn’t figure out why, until a blonde woman ducked down to his level. 

“You are such a cute dog.” Marlene smiled at Padfoot, letting him smell her hand as a greeting.

The smell hit him strongly, the familiar nicotine and lavender mix that always drove him insane, was just there and all he wanted was to talk to her, to ask her things, to know why on earth was she put in France so near to his family? And why didn’t he know anything?

Because you were a proper arse before the end of the year. He reminded himself as he sniffed and then licked Marlene’s hand. 

“Who’s your person? Are they around?” she asked him but was not exactly expecting to get an answer. Not finding anyone with the black dog (and Sirius knew she wouldn’t) she stayed and pet him, finding the spot behind his ear that made his back leg move uncontrollably and felt amazing like something he didn’t get to experience as a human. 

“So that’s what you like.” Sirius heard her tease, and all he could do was bark as a reply, earning him more pets.

Last time that they had interacted Sirius just had heard about his cousin marrying Rodolphus Lestrange, and he remembered the last conversation he had with Bellatrix where she was outspoken about wizard rights and how muggles and muggles-borns should be put in their place. His mother had agreed with Bellatrix and showed desire to get Sirius and Regulus involved with Bellatrix and her circle. Which of course made Sirius’ skin crawl and all the pent up frustration he had at his family had come out at Marlene, who was a bystander.

Ever since that day Sirius wanted to apologise, and now that they were in the same city he wanted nothing more than to apologise and go back to how things were before that fight, to let her know he didn’t consider Marlene a nuance or bothersome. But he couldn’t bloody transform back just there, this secret wasn’t just his, and after last time he was sure that she wouldn’t listen to him just now. Not another deceit.

Instead he decided that ice cream could wait.

Padfoot licked her face, making Marlene giggle, “You are such a good boy, I wish that I could take you back with me.” 

He barked again, wagging his tail, wanting to hear more of Marlene’s laugh, apologising internally for ever hurting her like that, and pressing his head for more scratches. Today she could make her laugh a bit more, later on they could have the awkward conversation that the apology will ensue.

[saturnsconstellation]

The life as Wolfstar’s kid would include:

Sirius giving you star/moon hair clips

Remus making you hot chocolates

Sirius playing fetch w/you as Padfoot when you’re bored or upset.

BOOKS. SO MANY BOOKS.

Hearing bedtime stories from when they were at Hogwarts

Getting to go to Hogwarts once a year with Remus until you’re old enough to actually frequent the school

Staying at Uncle Prongs’ and Uncle Reggie’s place for a sleep over with Harry

Being the smartest kid EVERYWHERE

Have a deep connection with space for some reason, *cough* Regs fault *cough* what? Huh? Who said that?

Being a caffeine addicted at the age of fifteen

Born to be the artist, raised to be the muse (but in the best way possible)

Being adored and respected by your parents (they are the best I swear)

“That’s Professor Lupin’s kid”

Being the sassies child that has ever roamed the earth

Believing 100% in astrology because Sirius said so

Learning French before English and then Spanish (Harry’s influence)

Stealing the invisibility cloak with Harry and Luna and using it to sneak around and steal sweets

Reading books on magical creatures and becoming hyper-fixated on one of them (bonus points is it’s a werewolf) (no seriously they are actually so cool)

Having IMMACULATE style

A misunderstood genius (Regulus words)

Having Sirius looks, Remus’s brains, James’s personality and Regulus’s sass.

Being a David Bowie and Queen stan

Poet to your very core

Biggest ego in the planet (you have Sirius as a father and James and Marlene as your aunt/uncle. Everyone is doomed)

Sweetest soul, but god forbid anyone angers you

Arctic Monkeys coded

This is all I have (for now)

[onehundredflamingos]

I’ve got a little snowball fight drabble for @theadultfandomproject ft. little Harry and Cassie (wolfstar’s baby girl by @industrations)

I wrote this one shot about little Cass a while back for anyone interested

Here ya have it <3

“Do you think they’re ever gonna come out?” James asked, laughing. “My snowball is melting, already!”

“Mine too,” Sirius said. “Better use it!” Sirius immediately launched his snowball, throwing it with perfect aim at his best friend, the packed snowball making contact against James’ bare cheek.

Sirius cackled as he turned to run, James hot on his heels.

“You two are idiots,” Regulus chided. “They’re almost ready, and you two are going to be left defenseless.”

Sirius stopped at once, turning to face James. “Oh, he’s ri—oof!” James’ snowball landed squarely against Sirius’ face, the snow flying into his mouth and making him sputter. He dragged his hand down his face, wiping away the icy flakes stuck in his beard.

“Prick,” he called to James, squatting down to scoop up another snowball, launching it at James, but missing by a hair. “Damn!”

All at once, there was commotion from across the clearing, soft-pitched war cries mingling with the sound of little feet shuffling through the snow.

“Get them!” Harry cried, him and Cassie rushing in opposite directions, jumpers curled up in front of them like little baskets, holding a mountain of snowballs each. They held the hem of their shirt up with one hand as the other scooped snowballs out one at a time, throwing them haphazardly toward the adults.

Regulus immediately launched his own half-melted snowball at Harry, just barely missing him—probably intentional, if Sirius had to guess.

“I don’t think so, Papa!” Harry called, laughing. He picked a snowball from his collection and threw it back at Regulus, hitting him square in his shoulder.

Regulus stumbled back, throwing the opposite hand up to his hit shoulder, feigning injury as Harry’s laughs floated on the wind, mingling with Cassie’s squeals.

“I’m gonna get you, Daddy!” Cassie called, running toward Sirius who immediately crouched behind James, using him as a shield.

“Get Uncle Jamie!” Sirius cried, holding onto the sides of James’ pant legs.

“Come on!” James moaned. “Am I the only one fighting? Lils help us out here!”

Lily looked down on the scene from her place on a low tree branch. She was swinging her feet, looking from the children to the adults and back again.

“Mum, help us get them!” Harry called up to her, pleading.

Lily laughed and jumped down, feet sinking into the snow. She scooped up handfuls of snow as she ran, flinging it loosely at James and Sirius as she went. “We’re gonna take you down!”

Sirius peered around James before making his way beside him and standing tall. Suddenly, it was a stand-off: three on three, everyone reaching down and scooping up new snowballs, feral grins on their faces.

“Everyone throw in 3… 2…,” James tried, but immediately Cassie was running forward, throwing a snowball from each hand as hard as she could at Sirius, seemingly spurred on by his screams of protest.

“You little cheat,” he breathed, scooping her up and digging his fingers into her sides, tickling her even through the thick fabric of her coat.

“Daddy!” she cried, trying to wriggle free. “Harry, get him!”

“Oh, no you don’t!” James yelled, trying to intercept Harry, but Regulus was too quick, throwing his own snowball at James, making him gasp. “Traitor!”

Regulus shook his head. “Just wanna watch my brother get taken down by a couple of kids.”

“You are a traitor!” Sirius cried.

“Those kids are menaces,” James said, quirking a brow.

“Just like their dads,” Lily said as she walked up to them, giving James and Sirius a pointed look. “They’re like little carbon copies of the two of you.”

Sirius looked up at James, wanting to deny it, wanting to retort that their children were nowhere near where James and he were when they were that age, but…

Sirius was suddenly pinned to the ground, genuinely attempting to fight against the weight of Cassie sitting on his chest. Harry was sprinkling snow into his hair and over his face, twisting his beard into little white locks.

“Cass, honey,” Remus called from right outside the back door of their home as he slowly emerged. “Why don’t you let your captive go, I’ve got hot cocoa!”

Cassie giggled before kissing Sirius on the cheek, jumping off him and running to Remus. Sirius could have kissed Remus then, for his impeccable timing; it had been getting hard to breathe, between the two kids and the cold air and the laughing.

“Go on,” Lily said encouragingly to Harry, nodding toward Remus. “You can have a cup too.”

“We’ve brought a cup for everyone,” Pandora said from right behind Remus, a tray of paper cups filled with hot cocoa in her hands. “And a black coffee for you, Reg,” she added with a wink at her best friend.

Sirius scoffed. Leave it to Regulus to be boring while everyone else was festive.

“Thanks, Pan,” Regulus said, ignoring Sirius altogether as he took the cup of coffee from her outstretched hand.

“Did you put marshmallows in mine?” Sirius asked, finally standing up from his place on the ground.

“Honestly, Siri,” Regulus said, rolling his eyes. “It’s like you’re younger than the kids.”

Remus chuckled. “Yes, love. I’ve brought one with marshmallows for you and James. And the kids, of course.” He winked down at the children in question, both of whom wore chocolate mustaches as they nibbled on the melted marshmallows they had sucked out of their cups.

James reached out and slapped a high-five to Sirius’ palm before they both strode forward and grabbed their cups of hot cocoa. They tapped their cups against one another’s in cheers before sipping the hot drink.

“I’m gonna get you both back,” Sirius whispered, bending forward and looking Cassie and Harry in their eyes. He flashed a mischievous grin as he allowed his playful threat to sink in.

“After lunch,” Remus called, always the responsible one.

“After lunch, it’s on,” James said with a smirk, backing Sirius up.

The same mischievous look passed over all four faces as they sipped on their drinks, and okay, maybe Lily was right.

“You don’t stand a chance, Daddy,” Cassie muttered under her breath, pointing a finger at him.

“No,” Sirius said. “I really don’t, do I?”

“None of us do,” James whispered from beside him, and Sirius knew neither of them were talking about the snowball fight anymore.

They were talking about the surge of love around them—the hot cocoa in their hands, the pain in their cheeks from laughing so hard, the stiffness in their legs from chasing after the kids. They were talking about the memories they were making, even as time flew by around them, seasons changing and the kids growing.

Sirius stuffed it all down inside him, tucking the memory of his daughter’s and godson’s little laughs into his soul, promising to never forget any of it. He took another sip of his cocoa as he made one more promise, this one aloud.

“You’re not taking me down without a fight,” Sirius whispered, stepping back and packing up a snowball, everyone setting their cups down and following suit.

The snowball fight was on — lunch would have to wait.

[myriadparacosm]

Marauders but it's a Charmed AU (I don't know if it makes it very cursed or the opposite)

The precedent charmed ones were Bellatrix, Andromeda and Narcissa but Bellatrix became evil and Andromeda chose to give up on the craft for her husband's safety. SADLY the Charmed ones never happened for long years because of how strong Evil is and all that but then--

Sirius is the one coming back to their 'ancient home' after running away because their uncle Alphard dies - so he comes to see Regulus (TransRegulus) and the funeral. Evan Rosier is actually living with Regulus because he ran away from his overwhelming father, with Pandora, but they don't know that their family is deeply close as in Evan is Walburga's /forbidden child/ with Rosier (maybe she also killed her husband because she wanted the whole Black heritage for herself and might as well steal the Rosiers) but Evan is actually Sirius and Regulus half-brother (INCESTUOUS FAMILIES SIRIUS SCREAMS) so the power of three triggers when Sirius comes for the funeral.

Pandora is also here because she is the best, also living with them, but Evan took her witchcraft as a simple hobby and Regulus lets her hex the noisy neighbour and always thinks she is just that lucky. Pandora is a bit annoyed that Evan gets to be a Charmed One, since she is her twin and so Sirius & Regulus' half-sister, but she still decides to include herself. "The Charmed Ones and the secret sister!"

Their first enemy is Walburga's ghost because she is awful (it's also how they learnt that Evan is their half-brother) who is mad that all her shameful son are back home and don't deserve to be wizards because they will be /good/ and that's a big no-no!

Sirius sleeps with the hot bookish neighbour who is actually a werewolf.

"Are you mad?! We should vanquish him not give him a bloody orgasm!"

"Reggie, you don't have all the facts."

"Which are?"

"I love him. AND EVAN ALMOST SLEPT WITH A DEMON!"

"And he learnt from that!"

"And I'm never going to do that again."

Barty sneezes from the underworld and decides to go visit the human world and maybe see what's so hard about killing the Charmed Ones (he becomes a simp for Evan with just a glance)

Regulus isn't that better because he falls in love with their "gardian angel" James Potter, who is far too friendly with Sirius for his comfort, and he is very weak to their muscular 'handyman'.