#AND MY DUMBASS PUT IN A DOUBLE A BATTERY AND WAS LIKE 'how is this gonna stay up?'

[soonhoonsol]

on today's episode of 'chey is so incredibly stupid', we have me apparently throwing away the lil battery holder in my svt lightstick 7 years ago when I put it in storage

edit: my friend has an extra holder!! LIFESAVER

[apolloloki97]

"Worthy of Him" Mickey Milkovich x Ian Gallagher

Summary: When Mickey comes across a handsome stranger, he doesn't realize it's the man who cheated on Ian when Mickey was locked up. Caleb is going to have quite a surprise when he meets the love of Ian's life. ---- Or when Mickey meets Caleb.

Word Count: 3076

Warning: Swearing

Song I Wrote To: “Fuckin' Perfect" by P!nk

Note: I just love when Mickey meets Ian's exes. Also, I get really happy when Mickey defends the Gallaghers!

--------

Mickey was on his way home when he heard a string of curses that even made him stop mid-strut on the sidewalk.

At the end of the block, a handsome black man was glaring at his car, his hands on his hips as he swore. Mickey knew that look, he himself had had a similar expression on his face more than once. Weighing his options, he considered just turning the other way and going the long way home, but there was something about the man that screamed “help me” and so Mickey decided to do just that.

Besides, the poor handsome bastard clearly didn’t belong on the Southside considering how well put together he was and the decent set of wheels he was glaring at. Approaching the man, Mickey tried to gauge what was wrong with the vehicle, but it seemed as if even the owner didn’t know. “Hey man,” Mickey greeted. “Wheels busted?”

“Yeah, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with it,” the man said with a sigh as he finally turned to look at Mickey. The latter didn’t miss how the stranger did a double-take, letting his eyes scan Mickey from head to toe. Since he had come out, Mickey had been noticing male attention pointed in his direction more frequently and he couldn’t deny that it made him feel damn good about himself. Not that he would ever admit that out loud, especially to Ian.

Jealous bastard, Mickey thought to himself with a smirk that the stranger before him seemed to notice immediately. Brushing off the bedroom eyes emanating from the other man, Mickey stepped towards the car.  “Want me to take a look?” Mickey offered.

“Yeah, sure, thanks man,” the man said, gesturing for Mickey to move closer. Mickey leaned over the open hood of the car, his eyes scanning for anything outwardly wrong. As he bent over the car, the owner watched on with curiosity. “So, you a mechanic?”

“Nah,” Mickey said as he examined the battery. “My brother-in-law is. Taught me some shit,” Mickey explained. Lip had only begun to teach Mickey a bit about bikes after Mickey had helped him steal from Born Free. Mickey would never admit it to the older Gallagher brother, but he liked Lip a fair amount when he wasn’t being a total asshole. Lip was also important to Ian so Mickey made the sacrifice to “bond” with his brother-in-law whenever the occasion arose and graft theft auto just happened to be one of those occasions.

“So, you’re just in the habit of helping strangers when their car breaks down?” the man said. Mickey scoffed as he shrugged.

“Only when it breaks down on the Southside and the owner ain’t belong,” Mickey said.

“Who says I’m not Southside?” the man said playfully. Straightening up slightly, Mickey looked over at him with a knowing look.

“Trust me, I can tell,” Mickey said. Stepping back, Mickey crouched down to get a look at the grill in case anything was stuck when the bottom of his pant leg rode up slightly, exposing the holster he had strapped to his ankle along with the .22 he kept on him at all times. Iggy called it a “pussy gun”, but with being on parole, Mickey couldn’t risk always carrying his larger piece and he was still paranoid that the cartel would catch up with him eventually. The owner of the car noticed it immediately, his brows rising.

“You a cop or something?” he asked, gesturing to the exposed holster. Mickey glanced down at the hardware Carl had given him before covering it back up again. He looked up at the stranger with a raised brow.

“Not exactly,” Mickey said, disgusted to be even considered to be compared to a pig.

“Right,” the man said.

“What?” Mickey asked as he stood up, leaning against the car. “Are you a cop? Gonna fuckin’ bust me for this?” he asked.

“I fight fires, not Southside thugs,” he said with a wink and Mickey laughed quickly before turning back to his task. It didn’t take him long to notice the coolant leak in the hose.

“You’re gonna need to take this to a shop, man,” Mickey said. “You got a leak here,” he said, pointing to the hose. The man approached him, getting closer to Mickey to get a better look. Mickey rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what he was doing. He was ready to shove his wedding ring up the man’s nose when his phone rang. Knowing who it was, Mickey ignored it.

Ian had been trying to get a hold of him for an hour now. Mickey knew it was because Debbie had pissed his husband off again, but he had no interest in dealing with Ginger-Gallagher drama at the moment. Ian called again shortly after the first call, the shrill of the phone in his pocket permeating the tension that was radiating off the handsome stranger next to him.

“Wife?” the man asked, gesturing to Mickey’s pocket and the obvious ignoring of the calls. Mickey then realized that the stranger had seen the ring on his left hand and just ignored it. Bastard, Mickey thought.

“Husband,” Mickey corrected, always thrilled to do so these days. It wasn’t necessarily because he was proud to be a gay man, he was just incredibly proud to be Ian Gallagher’s husband. He’d tattoo it on his forehead if he hadn’t already gotten a dumbass tattoo for his husband back when he was first locked up in the joint.

“Ignoring him?” the man pressed and Mickey was starting to become more annoyed than flattered at the forwardness of the stranger.

“Just his family drama,” Mickey said, not sure why he was telling this man anything. Then again, bitching about the Gallaghers was something that just happened no matter who you were talking to. Mickey could remember the time before he was with Ian and he would hear everyone in the community talking about how messed up the Gallaghers were. Being a Milkovich, he never thought any other family could be more dysfunctional. When he finally fell for Ian and became more familiar with the inner workings of the Gallagher family, he finally understood the chaos that everyone else saw. However, that chaos was something that he had gone on to love greatly.

They were his family.

“Yeah, that shit’s never easy, man,” the man said.

“What shit?” Mickey asked, trying to see where the stranger was getting at.

“Just that I’ve dated the crazy ones before and the baggage of their family is never worth it. No matter how good of a fuck they are,” the man said and Mickey raised his brows.

“Classy,” Mickey said with a roll of his eyes. Clearly, the man realized he had hit a nerve and was trying to backtrack when a loud shout echoed from up the street. Mickey turned just in time to see Frank stumbling out of a bar that clearly wasn’t the Alibi as the owner yelled at him. Frank, who was already drunk enough to forget where he lived, shouted obscenities back at the bar, shoving his middle fingers to the sky before falling over. “Fucking Frank…” Mickey said, exasperated.

Even before they were married, Mickey had joined in on the “find Frank” game and had had his fill of finding the drunk passed out under bridges and in sewers to last a lifetime. While he didn’t care what happened to the deadbeat, he knew that Liam and Franny would, which is why he tended to try to keep Frank from ending up in the morgue when he could.

“Seems like everyone around here knows Frank Gallagher, huh?” the stranger said, leaning against his dormant car. His arms were crossed, accentuating the forearm muscles that were hidden under the long sleeve shirt he wore. The man laughed as he saw Frank try to get to his feet but failed. Mickey cringed as Frank stumbled again, crashing into a stack of trash cans.

“Fuck,” Mickey said, knowing he was going to have to do damage control with his niece when her grandfather came home looking like he slept in a dumpster. “That’s my fuckin’ cue,” Mickey said, pushing off the side of the car.

“You all take turns looking after the city drunk, huh?” the man asked, amused by Mickey’s distaste for the derelict.

“No,” Mickey said with a sigh, “just those of us who are unfortunately his fucking family.” This seemed to shock the stranger.

“Family?” the man echoed.

“He’s my father-in-law,” Mickey said and then paused, “sort of…” Mickey was never sure what exactly Ian saw Frank as. He knew that Frank was not his biological father, but he was also the only father Ian had ever known. Regardless, Mickey was now tied to the man forever. Just as Mickey was about to pull his phone out to call Sandy to come and help him with Frank Pick-Up, the stranger said something to make him pause.

“ You married a Gallagher ?” the man said, his voice holding a hint of disbelief.

“The fuck you gotta say it like that for?” Mickey said, ready to defend his family to the man. “Yeah, I married a goddamn Gallagher, so what?”

“Which one?” the man asked and Mickey looked at him as if he was a moron.

“What do you mean, ‘which one’? There’s only one fucking gay one,” Mickey said with a scoff.

“Ian?” the man asked. “You’re Ian’s husband?” Mickey was starting to get pissed off at this man’s tone and he was really starting to regret even offering to help him.

“I’m sorry, I think I missed a few episodes, here,” Mickey said, “Who the fuck are you and how do you know Ian?” The man hesitated for a second before answering. Mickey waited.

“I’m Caleb,” the man said. “Ian and I used to date.” Mickey didn’t need more than a second to recognize the name. Ian had told Mickey all about his rebound firefighter. Mickey knew that Ian wasn’t going to stay single while he was locked away. Mickey was just glad that Ian wasn’t screwing old men. Hell, he had even thought that the Trevor guy seemed great, but Caleb was someone that Mickey had hated the second Ian began talking about him. Then, when Lip had told him that he and Ian had witnessed Caleb cheating on Ian with some woman, Mickey hated him even more.

Lowering his head slightly, Mickey finally took a moment to size up the firefighter. Caleb was big and Mickey knew that those arms would pack a wallop if Caleb decided to start a fight, but Mickey also knew that he was craftier and if it came down to it, Ian’s ex would be on his way to the hospital very soon.

“Oh, you’re Caleb,” Mickey finally said, staring him down. “The fucker who cheated on him with some bitch and claimed it didn’t matter because she didn’t have a cock.” Caleb seemed perturbed by that but quickly composed his face despite the crassness coming from the other man.

“And you are…”

“Mickey Milkovich,” Mickey said, just daring Caleb to say something else stupid.

Which he did.

“Ah, Mickey,” Caleb said. “The abusive boy toy.” Mickey stopped for a second, wanting to punch Caleb in his perfect face.

“Abusive…” Mickey echoed, not liking the accusatory tone in Caleb’s voice.

“Ian told me all about how you used to beat on him before screwing him like he was your bitch,” Caleb said and Mickey could hear the anger in his voice. Mickey knew that Ian had been hurt after a lot of their arguments. The worse one being when Mickey had beat him up after the Terry incident. Mickey had never felt more horrible in his entire life than when he had done that. Even now, he tried to make up for it even if Ian said that he had already forgiven him. The thing was, Mickey had never forgiven himself for the beating he had given Ian in that gravel lot.

However, hearing that Ian had called him abusive, especially to someone like Caleb, just made Mickey more pissed off. Not necessarily at Ian, but more at the situation as a whole. This was who Ian felt the need to run to after their break up and regardless of how attractive the firefighter was, Caleb had no idea who he was speaking to.

“He did, did he?” Mickey said and Caleb nodded, acting as if he had Milkovich all figured out. “Right, well did he also tell you that the first time we banged, he threatened my ass and tried to beat me with a tire iron?” Mickey asked, spotting the exact tool on the ground next to the rest of the tools Caleb had hauled out. Ignoring the little voice in his head that sounded a lot like his parole officer, Mickey reached down and picked up the iron. “Sort of like this,” he said before taking a swing at Caleb’s windshield, shattering it.

“Fuck!” Caleb exclaimed. Mickey followed up by taking off one of the side mirrors before swinging the iron into Caleb’s face, causing the other man to stumble back.

“Get the fuck off the Southside or next time I’ll hit something other than your fucking car,” Mickey threatened. Caleb was wary of him but didn’t back down.

“You don’t deserve him,” Caleb said and Mickey’s eye twitched for a second before composing himself. It wasn’t news to him that people didn’t think Mickey was good enough for Ian, but he didn’t need to hear it from someone like Caleb.

“You don’t know shit about him or me,” Mickey said. “If you did then you wouldn’t fucking test me.” Caleb stared down at Mickey, but the latter wasn’t backing down. He would go back to jail before he let some asshole ex of Ian’s make him feel unworthy of the man he loved.

When Caleb went to retort, his attention was pulled by a police SUV rolling up to them and Caleb’s smashed car. Mickey didn’t move and he didn’t drop the tire iron as Caleb turned to the cop. “Officer, maybe you could arrest this man for threatening me and damaging my property,” Caleb said, glaring over at Mickey again.

“Mickey?” the cop said and Mickey finally looked over at the man in the front seat of the SUV. He recognized him immediately.

“Arthur!” Mickey greeted with a grin.

“Hey man!” Officer Arthur Tipping said, offering his fist to Mickey who happily tapped it with his own.

“You know him?” Caleb said as Mickey grinned at him.

“He’s my partner’s brother-in-law,” Tipping said with a goofy grin on his face. Mickey liked Carl’s partner because the man was the definition of a loveable idiot. Plus, he always turned the other way when a Gallagher was involved.

“Yeah, Carl’s a cop now, asshole,” Mickey said to Caleb. “Good luck filing a complaint or pressing charges, dick.” Caleb was fuming as he started towards Mickey.

“Woah there, bud,” Tipping said. “You might want to take a few steps back.” Caleb stopped and did as the officer said, but not without sending a death glare towards Mickey. “Need a ride home, Mr. Milkovich-Gallagher?” Tipping asked.

“That would be great, Arthur,” Mickey said with a grin as he tossed the tire iron aside. He looked at Caleb once more and then casually walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You come near my husband and I will make sure that nobody ever finds your body,” Mickey said sweetly before leaving Caleb on the curb and hopping into the front seat of the squad vehicle. Mickey flipped Caleb off as Tipping drove away. Caleb just swore and lashed out at his car.

Mickey relaxed in the car before sighing. “Shit, pull over here for a second man,” he said and Tipping pulled over. Mickey then got out of the car and pulled open the back door before crouching over a half-conscious Frank. “Fucking Gallaghers,” he said as he hauled his father-in-law into the back of the squad car and Tipping took him home while Frank snored in the backseat.

When Mickey finally got home and deposited Frank on the floor in the living room, he went in search of his husband. He found Ian in the kitchen, finishing up some dishes. “Hey, you,” Ian said as he spotted his husband walking into the room. Mickey smiled at him. Ian grabbed the back of his head and pressed a kiss to Mickey’s lips, savoring the taste and feel of his husband.

Mickey kissed him back, but Ian could tell it was less enthusiastic than usual. Pulling back, he furrowed his brow at the man in his arms. “What?” Mickey asked.

“You good?” Ian asked.

“Long day,” Mickey said with a dismissive wave. Ian didn’t look convinced so Mickey pulled him back to him, kissing him deeply. Ian wrapped his arms around Mickey, holding him tightly. Mickey sighed into Ian’s mouth, content to be with him after the shit he had dealt with that afternoon.

When Ian pulled back again, he leaned his forehead against Mickey’s, running his hands down his arms. Mickey looked up at him, Ian’s green eyes looking stunning in the low light of the Gallagher kitchen. Everything Caleb had said to him was coming back and he hated that he was letting it get to him. He loved Ian and he knew that Ian loved him, but there would always be that part of him that felt unworthy of Ian’s love.

Ian, being Ian, noticed the look in Mickey’s eyes. Self-doubt was not something Mickey hid very well. Reaching up to cup Mickey’s face in his palm, Ian gently rubbed his thumb along his husband’s face. “What did I ever do to deserve you?” Ian whispered.

Mickey slid his hands up to Ian’s shoulder, always loving how much taller his husband was. With a breath, Mickey inhaled the scent of his love and then smiled softly. “You just...were you,” Mickey answered simply. Ian mirrored the soft expression as he leaned into Mickey once again.

“I love you,” Ian said against Mickey’s lips.

“I love you too, Gallagher,” Mickey said before pressing his lips against Ian’s, falling into complete bliss and knowing one thing for sure: Ian and he deserved each other and nobody was going to tell him differently.

[willsimpforanyone]

Buzzfeed unsolved X Sanders sides

Virgil (nonbinary) is the sceptic that is a little too easily convinced

Logan is the real sceptic, easily figures out what makes the creepy sounds (trans man)

Patton (trans man) is a terrified believer that is just trying to keep it all together

Roman (genderfluid) is the enthusiastic believer who drags everyone on ghost hunts

----------------

"Roman please, you're going to figuratively pull my arm out of it's socket if you tug any harder," Logan sighed at his enthusiastic friend who was holding very tightly to his hand. Roman, blue 'he/him' pronoun bracelet clearly display, was pulling him to the porch of the presumably haunted house, closely followed by Virgil with their camera and a very nervous Patton.

"You really don't need to clarify, we know I couldn't actually pull your arm out of its socket," Roman rolled his eyes, but eased his grip on Logan's hand, slowing his pace so they could walk side by side.

Virgil aimed a kick at Roman's feet. "So what are we actually doing here? Is it ghosts or demons this time?"

"Both, actually," Roman turned back to swipe at Virgil's head. "There are at least three ghosts, and a demon in the attic."

Patton squeaked. "Uh, hey, um, you didn't say anything about a demon, Ro..."

"Roman, I wish you would stop saying things like they are irrefutable facts. There has been no definitive proof that ghosts or demons exist." Logan rolled his eyes, but Roman was undeterred.

The group had been allowed one night in the supposedly haunted house, and Virgil had been commissioned to film the events that could take place. They were secretly grateful that they didn't have to be in the actual video footage at all if they didn't want to be, but outwardly complained that they would get tired of holding the camera, that this house was stupid anyway, they didn't even believe in this crap.

Roman hesitated at the door, and Virgil smirked. "What, getting scared?" They pointed the camera at their friend. "Big Bad Roman is scared of the front fucking door."

That was enough to get Roman to swing open the door and stroll on in like he was merely popping in to a coffee shop. Logan followed, unbothered. Patton clung to Virgil, and the pair entered together.

The bag Roman slung on the table made a loud thud, and when opened he produced an EMF reader, divining sticks, a ouija board and a few other things that he laid out neatly on the table. Logan raised an eyebrow.

"I'll admit, you do seem to be passionate about this, no matter how idiotic this quest may be." Logan picked up the EMF reader and scrutinised it. "I'm not sure if I can call your methods scientific, however. You do understand this entire night is going to yield results only supported by pseudoscience?"

Patton took the EMF reader from Logan's grasp. "Now now, be nice Lo-Lo, this is something Roman is excited about and we should be supportive. And, if we're- lucky? Or unlucky, I'm kinda hoping we don't find anything- we might hear or see something that is definitive proof of ghosts!" Patton smiled encouragingly at Roman, who grinned back.

Virgil was fiddling around with the camera. "Hey, who did I give the batteries to? This one is empty."

"But-" Roman stared, frozen. "That was a new battery, wasn't it?" He took out a new battery from the front pocket of the bag and handed it over. Virgil shrugged, and simply swapped the batteries over, unwilling to admit that it was indeed a new battery, and that they'd double-checked it just before they arrived at the house.

"W-well, we'd better get started, right?" Patton's voice was higher than normal and he'd detached himself from Virgil only to reattach himself to Logan, finding comfort in the unceasing scepticism.

Roman handed out torches to both Patton and Logan. "Indeed, let us at last embark on a quest to uncover the secrets this house holds, let us walk among the dead and speak to those belonging to days gone by!" He grabbed Virgil and started dragging them upstairs. "Come, my friends, adventure awaits!"

The enthusiasm held by Roman was the driving force for the rest of the group as they followed him all the way up to the attic. Patton gave a nervous laugh as Roman placed the ouija board down and gestured for them all to sit on the floor. "Are we sure about this, Ro? I mean aren't ouija boards supposed to be really... scary?"

Virgil smirked from under their fringe. "That's the point, Pat- they communicate with those beyond the grave." They wiggled the fingers of the hand that wasn't holding the camera at Patton and laughed lowly, darkly. "You never know, maybe the demon will possess one of us."

"Please cease from scaring him, Virgil, my arm is starting to hurt from where he is holding it," Logan glared at Virgil, and Patton guiltily let go, opting to sit next to Roman.

"You'll save me, right Ro?"

Roman put his arm around the slightly smaller man. "Indeed I will. Never fear, my dear friend, for it will take more than a mere demon to frighten me!"

Eventually, all four of them were situated round the board- Virgil was exempt from being involved as they were filming the scene, but the others all had two fingers on the plancette that was placed in the middle of the board.

"...do we introduce ourselves? It would be polite, right?"

"Patton, there is nothing to be polite to- demons do not exist."

"Oh hush, Specs-tre... you get it? Like spectre? Like a ghost?"

Virgil sighed, exasperated. "Can we get on with this, please? My arms are starting to hurt."

They decided on spelling out their names, with only minor mistakes, and waiting to see if there was any kind of response. Roman and Patton were eagerly leaning over the board, while Virgil and Logan exchanged glances.

Very slowly, the planchette began to move. Roman scowled at Logan. "If this is you trying to trick us, I don't appreciate it."

Logan raised an eyebrow. "I am not trying to trick you, I am merely sitting here like you two."

Roman turned his gaze to Virgil, who scowled back. "How can I have anything to do with it, dumbass? I'm not even touching the board."

The planchette had moved from the middle of the board where they had put it after spelling their names to the 'G', and was moving to what seemed to be the 'O'.

Inhaling shakily, Patton looked at the camera. "V, I think it might be saying 'go away'."

Virgil quickly wiped the look of worry off their face- they were supposed to be a sceptic, after all- and nodded. "Yes Patton, the demon is antisocial and wants us all to fuck off." They spun the camera around as if looking for a demon. "Understandable, have a nice day."

"Virgil, will you please deign to keep the camera on the board, I fear Roman is going to start yelling any minute otherwise." Logan's even voice brought all attention back to the board, where the planchette was just moving off the 'A'.

Roman looked like he was about to burst. He let out a breath he'd been holding. "Everyone shut up, this is the most evidence we've ever got!"

"This isn't exactly evidence. The planchette moving is due to what's called the 'ideomotor effect', simply meaning your body talks to itself. It's an example of involuntary, unconcious physical movement." Logan was now the focus of attention. "Patton has planted the idea that the so-called 'demon' is trying to spell 'go away', so it is likely the planchette will react to your unconcious movements to spell out those words."

Sulkily, Roman sat back, leaning on both his hands. "C'mon teach, you can't just... take the magic out of this like that."

Logan looked surprised. "I... I'm sorry Roman, I just thought it would be interesting to know the actual science behind the board, especially since we're filming it." He looked sincerely apologetic. "I apologise for taking the metaphorical 'magic' out of this activity."

Roman sighed, but smiled slightly. "Don't worry about it." He fiddled with the pronoun bracelet, and switched it to a green 'they\them' bracelet. "You know, I don't believe the ghosts are biting tonight. I suggest we leave and perhaps try again another day."

Patton nodded enthusiastically. "Yes please, can we please leave, I keep feeling like we should leave, let's leave-" He scooped up the ouija board, only pausing to move the planchette quickly to 'goodbye', and stuffed it in Roman's bag.

The procession downstairs was slightly less upbeat than the procession upstairs had been, but Roman was determined to not make Logan feel bad. "Besides," they said, arm slung around Logan. "I doubt demons would be very respectful of pronouns." Virgil stifled a laugh.

"Yeah, nobody wants to talk with disrespectful demons." The group reached the door and they turned to look at the house once last time. "Fuck off demon, we don't need your transphobia!"

Patton panicked for a second and clapped his hand over Virgil's mouth. "Virgil! It'll hear you!"

Roman laughed heartily. "Don't worry, Pat, I agree with Casper the Unfriendly Ghost here. Who cares if the transphobic demon hears, I refuse to bother myself with the opinions of demon who can't even talk back to us."

Walking back to the car, Logan was nudged gently by Roman. "Hey, teach, you can't say there's absolutely no way the planchette was moved by a demon or a ghost, can you?"

About to retort that yes, he could say that, Logan looked at Roman's face, their eyes showing just a little bit of hope. "...no, I can't say for certain that the planchette wasn't moved by a supernatural force."

Perhaps it was foolish, but seeing Roman's face light up was worth it.

---------------------

i love the sanders sides and i love buzzfeed unsolved so here ya go, have this brain child, hope you enjoy- you're welcome to ask for more!

[ash-needs-sleep]

If UA Had A Color Guard

*Part Two*

Previous Part

*Mostly involves Class 1-A, a few from Class 1-B and Shinsou*

*By color guard, I mean the one that preforms at halftime with the school band at football games*

*People can be in more then one line*

Dance line: Mina Ashido/ Momo Yaoyorozu/ Yuga Aoyama/ Tooru Hagakure/ Ochako Uraraka/ Mashirao Ojiro/ Setsuna Tokage

Flag line: Ochako Uraraka/ Denki Kaminari/ Izuku Midoriya/ Mashirao Ojiro/ Koji Koda/ Sero Hanta/ Mina Ashido/ Tsuyu Asui/ Hitoshi Shinsou/ Neito Monoma/ Setsuna Tokage

Saber line: Shoto Todoroki/ Hanta Sero/ Tokoyami Fumikage/ Izuku Midoriya/ Momo Yaoyorozu/ Hitoshi Shinsou/ Itsuka Kendo/ Neito Monoma/ Setsuna Tokage/ Sen Kaibara/ Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu

Riffle line: Katsuki Bakugou/ Ejiro Kirishima/ Tenya Iida/ ��Rikido Sato/ Mezou Shouji/ Kyoka Jiro/ Ochako Uraraka/ Itsuka Kendo/ Neito Monoma/ Sen Kaibara/ Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu

Captains: Tenya Iida/ Momo Yaoyorozu/ Itsuka Kendo

_Fall Season_

Because there’s almost thirty of them on the team, they take up the whole bus

There’s an unspoken rule about letting Aoyama get on the bus first so he can choose any seat all for himself

Before the bus drives off, Iida is telling the rest of the team to put their seatbelts first because safety first 

Less than half of them did so

Bakugou has to yell from his seat to shut up or else they’ll get there late 

The bus driver is pretty chill. Everyone refers to her as “Aunty Wheels” after everyone witnessed her use either roller skates, a skate board, scooter, ect

Kaminari came up with the name

Aizawa, Hizashi, Toshinori and Kayama take up the first two rows

Aunty Wheels will have music playing in the over head as she drove the bus

They’re sadly all clean version 

WAP eventually came on but it took everyone a while to recognize it

Mina, Denki, Hagakure, Tokage, lowkey Monoma, Uraraka, Midoriya and yes, Todoroki too are almost screaming the actual lyrics

Iida tries to stop them

They only got louder

Someone posted a video about it on their stories

When they’re fifteen minutes away from the school they’re going to, Aizawa will ask the bus driver to turn off the music for a bit before turning to look at them

Everyone quickly shuts up when they see him turn to them

“When we get there only have your adidas pants, jackets zipped up to hide the costumes, and your drawstrings. The faster we get the equipment out from under the bus, the more practice time we’ll have before preforming. Understood?“ “Yes sir!“

Costumes are uniforms they pay to keep

Instead of the costumes having a specific gender, they’re unisex

The hair style varies because of the length of someone’s hair

Short hair = one bun, medium length = two buns, long hair = three buns (use Rey from Star Wars as reference)

Guys have their hair hair sprayed and/or gelled back

Bakugou, Midoriya, Kaminari, Tetsutetsu and Shinsou use the most hair spray and gel

Aoyama and Sero have low pony tails

Once at the school and they get off the bus, the atmoshpere changes

They were joking in the bus

But now?

Every single one of them is serious 

I’m talking about resting bitch faces, some of them hold their heads high

And no one talks which adds to the intimidation factor

When Aizawa tells them to line up after the weapons are in the red cart (the blue cart is for water bottles and gatorade) and the flag bags have been grabbed, Iida, Momo and Kendo are each leading a line

While they’re walking to sign in, they walk five feet apart to look bigger

None of them look around but with using their peripherals, they know other groups are staring at them

After signing in and finding their practice spot, they set their drawstring bags close to each other and get their own equipment before setting in a block

Aizawa will set the speaker in front of them while they stretch and play music

He’ll put on three songs at most before they do across the floors and a bit of movement 

After that he’ll just have the show music playing on repeat and lets them go off into their sections

Riffle Line

Bakugou and Iida are the ones who are the top two in riffle so they’re cleaning any work that’s dirty

“Shitty Hair watch your pitch it’s tilted a bit. Anymore and it can hit you dumbass.” “Thanks Bakubro!”

“Bakugou refrain from using such language!’

“Shut up Four-Eyes!”

“You’re acting so rabid Bakugou! You sure you have your shots?” 

“He’s had his rabbis shots Monoma.” Jiro snickered and Uraraka started cracking up

 “I WILL-” “Hey Bakugou! Bet you can’t toss a seven, do a tripple turn and catch in a split!” “BET!”

Thank god for Kirishima being able to distract Bakugou before he continues yelling

Saber Line

“Hey Todoroki, how’s the hand before the pop? Under or over the blade?“ Kendo looked at the duel haired male

This man

Could be a MODEL

When he demonstrates the way he does the work, everyone stops just to look at him

“Does Albert have tape? Mine’s starting to peel off again.” Tokage only noticed her tape getting loose again because of the blade being sticky

“We have a walking tape dispenser. Just get it from him instead of having to walk all the way to the cart.” Kaibara shrugged and seconds later Tokage had to cover her mouth with her hand to surpress her laughter.

Flag Line

Uraraka stood infront of the small block of flags clapping the tempo with Midoriya next to her. “Five, six, five six, seven, eight!” 

“Dance with me in my backyard boy-” “Denki!” “Sorry!“

“Wait are we at the double touch the ground or double catch behind the back with our free hand in the air?” “Double catch behind the back kero.”

“Wait, wait, I think I can do the 45 turn around.. Move so I don’t hit you please.”

Koda cradled the flag while standing in first position before opening up as he stepped out. He then turned halfway as he popped the flag so the silk was facing up and then he tossed it over his head before turning once and strongly caught the flag before holding for a bit.

Mina and Uraraka squealed in excitement because it had taken him a while to get the trick

Dance Line

Ojiro helped Tokage with her splits as they waited for Momo and Mina to join them

Aoyama walked over to the two and just

Slide into his left split on Tokage’s right and smiled at her

“Aoyama.” “Yes mon amie?” “I love you but I really want to push you over right now.”

Hakagure giggled as she went into her right split to Tokage’s left with ease

Without hesitation Tokage playfully pushed Hakagure over

_After Practice Time is Up_

When they had to start making their way to the field to meet up with the band, they lined up based on the equipment they have to set up first

They all placed their drawstring bags and clothes in the empty red cart by this point

Since their was four, yes four, movements- they all had their equipment easily accessible to set faster and not waist time

Once at the entrance, Aizawa turned to them and gave them a pep talk

“Go out there and blow their minds. You are all on this team for a reason.”

Hizashi gave his quick talk. “Every single one of you have worked too hard and that got you guys to the division you’re in now. Go rock it out there!”

Toshinori gave the team a small smile as Kayama gave them a wink

“Captains talk to the team.”

Iida, Momo and Kendo nod as the team got close

“I believe in us all! “

“Let’s go out there and do our best everyone!“

“Don’t worry about messing up. Just act like it’s apart of the show and get back in as soon as you can.“

The whole team put (Bakugou was forced to) their hands in the middle before Denki quietly counted to three before they all rose their hands in the air while whispering “Let’s go!”

Aizawa gestured for them to go line up next to the band as they had to go line up at the football field before they were called onto the field

“Please welcome to the field, UA!“

Someone from battery started off the beat and everyone marched in place

They started marching onto the field, stepping with their left foot 

____

Ngl, these are fun to make XD

For those who also read my Time Forgot Him story, sorry for not updating. I’ll have chapter two by this Saturday!

[imagine-loki]

The Good Guys Dressed In Black

TITLE: The Good Guys Dressed In Black CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: ½ AUTHOR: @timeladylaufeson ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki meeting and falling in love with an MiB agent. RATING: Everyone, I guess? There’s some language but nothing bad I’d say NOTES/WARNINGS: Took the title from the song Men In Black by Will Smith :) I wouldn’t say you need to know the MiB films too well to understand, but I guess you should have some basic knowledge. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!!

A woman in a smart black suit stood in line at a Starbucks not far away from the large concrete cube on Battery Drive. When her turn came, she was greeted by one of her favourite baristas, and they chatted for a moment as she handed him her thermos.

“It’s on us today,” the barista said and smiled, sending the cup towards the espresso bar.

“Aw, thanks Pete,” she smiled and moved over to the handoff. She rested against one of the tables beside it and waited, looking around the café mindlessly.

“Venti iced soy vanilla latté with an extra shot for… Teetee?” the barista at the handoff called, a confused frown on his face. She smirked and walked over to him, grabbing the cup.

“You’re new here, aren’t you?” she asked and the barista nodded. “Nice to meet you! I’m Double Tee, I’m here all the time.”

“I’m Luke,” he said. “You work in the cube, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” she nodded.

“Can you tell me-”

“Top secret organisation that deals with extraterrestrial threats.”

“For real?”

“Of course,” she grinned. “Now, if you would please look over here,” she pulled what appeared to be a pen from her pocket and put a pair of sunglasses on her eyes. She pressed a small button on the side of the device and it flashed brightly, the young man’s face turning completely blank. “Do yourself a favour and don’t ask questions that you don’t need an answer to. For your concern, I work for the government. Also, this is not soy. Please be more careful, someone could be allergic and you could get in trouble. I’m not, so I’ll just drink it, but I’ll be bitter the whole day because almond milk sucks. Have a good day, Luke.”

She turned around to leave, but as she was walking through the door, she bumped into someone that was coming in.

“Oh shit, fuck, I’m so sorry,” she blurted out as she watched the coffee spill on their shirt. “I really need to start closing the cup before I start walking, I’m so sorry!”

“It’s alright, nothing happened,” a smooth voice replied to her. She looked up and saw a face that she knew all too well from the screens all over the Headquarters.

“No, I… I just messed up your shirt, I’m really sorry,” she kept apologising. “I’ll buy you a coffee.”

“It really is alright,” he tried to assure her.

“Please, I insist,” she said, desperately trying to ignore those crystal blue eyes and the amused little smile. She practically dragged him to the cash desk and told him him to pick whatever he liked.

“It’s really not necessary,” he said.

“Yes it is,” she told him. “Pete, get this nice gentleman whatever he wishes, I’m paying,” she handed him a twenty dollar bill. “Keep the rest. I have to go to work now. Have a good day! And I’m sorry for spilling coffee on you.”

She crossed the street and walked in to the HQ, greeting Frank the talking pug and the Guard, who was just reading his newspaper as usual.

“You have coffee on your shirt,” Frank said in his disturbingly deep voice.

“I know, I was stupid and didn’t look where I was going.”

“As per usual,” the Guard grumbled.

“Funny as per usual,” she sneered back at him as she stepped into the lift. As it arrived in the office, she couldn’t help but smile. Her job was a fantastical adventure and she loved it. There was a line of aliens waiting for their documents to be verified over at the front desk. Another group of aliens walk/crawled/flew past her. There was Kay, showing some rookies around. Someone was putting up a fight.

“Double Tee! Are you running around neuralysing random people again?”

Yeah. That was the life. 

The following morning, as Double Tee entered the Starbucks and joined the queue, someone tapped her shoulder.

“Excuse me, aren’t you the lady that so kindly bought my drink yesterday?” the now familiar voice asked.

Double Tee chuckled. “Don’t you mean the dumbass that spilled coffee on you yesterday?”

“Well but you did buy me a drink afterwards, didn’t you?” he asked, a cheeky smile on his face.

“That I did,” she nodded.

“Let me return the favour,” he offered. “I’ll buy your coffee today.”

“Absolutely not! Yesterday was for… well, yesterday,” she shook her head. “I ruined your shirt, that’s why I bought your coffee. We’re even now.”

“What if I just really want to buy a coffee?” he suggested. “I… I heard that’s what men do when they find a woman attractive. I’m Loki.”

That was how it started. Every day, one of them bought the other their coffee. The next day, they switched. Double Tee knew she shouldn’t engage with a civilian, even less so with an alien, but God, was this one incredible in every way imaginable. They talked for hours on end, about virtually nothing. He respected her avoiding questions about her job and very politely pretended to be deaf when something slipped her lips. He caught on the fact that it had something to do with stars and excitedly talked about them, ocassionally mentioning that he missed them and that he couldn’t really see them in the city. She felt herself falling for him while the reasonable part of her brain screamed bloody murder about it being the worst idea in history. He was, after all, still listed as a potential threat, despite having joined the Avengers now.

One evening, it was fairly late, they sat together at the Starbucks with their coffees, Loki looking out the window wistfully.

“What’s wrong, El?” Double Tee asked. “You’re looking even sadder than normal.”

“Ha ha ha,” he glared at her. “I don’t want to be moaning about this stuff.”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” she said.

Loki let out a sigh. “I told you about my mother, didn’t I?”

“You did, yes,” she nodded. “She died, didn’t she?”

“Yes,” he said. “And… I can’t see her star.”

“What?”

“On Asgard, when someone dies, their soul goes up to the sky and becomes a star. But… I can’t see hers from here. I can barely see any, to be honest.”

Double Tee thought for a brief moment. “Do you trust me?” she asked.

“Of course I do, why?” he frowned.

“Come with me,” she said, downed the rest of her coffee and stood up. “Come on.”

Confused, he stood as well and followed her outside, across the road, into the Headquarters. She greeted the Guardian and Frank as usual, mumbling something vague about a witness. Loki’s curious face made them believe her lie, so they said nothing. In the lift, Double Tee pressed a button that said garage and down they went. She led Loki all the way to the back where a small, unsuspecting motorcycle was parked.

“Do you really trust me?” she asked again as she opened what appeared to be a closet.

“I really do, but what-”

“No time for questions,” she interrupted him. “Put this on,” she threw a leather jacket at him and got herself the same one. “And this,” she handed him a helmet. “We’re going on a tiny little trip,” she told him as she sat on the motorcycle. Loki took a breath to ask her something, but decided against, and sat right behind her.

“I need you to hold on tight,” she said.

“On to what?” he asked.

“Me, dumbass,” she chuckled. 

“That doesn’t sound very safe,” he pointed out. 

“It’s completely safe, don’t worry,” she dismissed him. “It’s an MIB certified vehicle, it’s safer than like… all normal cars.”

“MI what?”

Instead of replying, Double Tee started the motorcycle and Loki could only clutch on to her quickly as they left the garage. They soared through the ever so busy streets of New York, zigzagging through the traffic like it was nothing. Double Tee was way too aware of Loki’s arms around her waist, but did her best to ignore them.

As they left the city and got off the main road, Double Tee slowed down for a moment.

“Do you seriously trust me?” she asked once more having to shout al ittle to make sure he heard her.

“The fact that this is the third time you asked me in the span of thirty minutes makes me seriously question it,” he said. “But I still do.”

“Then hold on a little tighter and feel free to scream,” she said and pushed a tiny button on the side of the right handlebar. 

“What-”

Too late. The motorcycle went about twenty times faster now, the roaring of the engine deafening them. In a few moments, they could both feel the wheels leaving the ground and the motorcycle went flying through the night. When it got high enough, the engine quietened again and switched itself into flight mode.

“You can let go of me now,” Double Tee said.

“No, I don’t think I will,” Loki shook his head, but loosened his grip on her a little. “What in the nine realms-”

“You can’t tell anyone about this, alright?” she said. “Never. Ever. This is a secret, okay?”

“Absolutely,” he nodded. “But what-”

“Men in Black. That’s who I work for,” she interrupted him again. “A top secret agency. We deal with aliens and stuff. This is… our tech. Well, not exactly, it’s alien mostly. But it has some Stark Industries parts.”

“Stark knows about all this?”

“God, no.”

“And why exactly are you telling me this now?”

“I wanted to show you the stars. Push the little button on the right on the helmet, you’ll see better.”

With a shaky hand, Loki found the button and pressed it, his helmet opening and jaw dropping. The chilly wind made prickly tears flood his eyes and blur his vision, making the beauty above him barely recognisable. He blinked a few times and everything came to focus, but new tears replaced them, this time emotional ones. The last time he saw this much beauty was back on Asgard, where he used to sit on his window and just stare at the night sky for hours. He tried to find his mother’s star, but couldn’t see it in the speed.

“Don’t worry, we’re gonna land soon,” she said as if reading his thoughts. “Just a few more minutes.”

In that moment, a tiny red light started blinking on the inside of her helmet. An incoming call. Her brain went into panic mode and in the frenzy, she sent it to voice mail, hoping that whoever was calling would think she was busy escaping from something.

They landed on top of a small hill, in the middle of a thin forest. Double Tee switched the motorcycle off and took off her helmet. She turned to Loki, noticing the tears that stained his cheeks.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, did I- did I do something wrong?” she asked.

“No,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s perfect,” he added, pulling her into a tight hug.

“Don’t mention it,” she whispered as she nuzzled into his neck. “But you know, you’re missing out on the stars right now. Wanna climb a tree?”

In just a few moments, they sat atop a giant oak, watching the stars.

“What’s your real name?” Loki asked.

“Double Tee,” she said. “It’s my official name now. I don’t really exist anymore.”

“So… what was your name?” he wondered.

“Theresa-Taylor Barnes,” she said.

“Barnes?” he frowned. 

“Distant relative,” she nodded, knowing exactly what he was about to ask. “Poor uncle James. How is he?”

“He’s… he’s fine, I think,” Loki said. “I think we’re good friends, but I’m not really sure.”

“I’d tell you to say hi to him, but… he doesn’t know me. He’s not supposed to know me. No one is.”

“Then why-”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I should have never started talking to you, but I just… couldn’t help it.”

“It must be quite lonely,” he pointed out.

“In a way,” she agreed mindlessly. “I… I suppose I have the other agents, but familiarity isn’t really a big thing there. We’re just colleagues mostly. We don’t… we’re not like you guys.”

“Us?”

“The Avengers. Aren’t you this really cool team that’s real good friends? Doesn’t Stark always organise these parties where you all drink and dance and shit?” 

“I suppose.”

“Must be cool.”

He took a pause. “I could… introduce you.”

“No,” she shook her head. “Not a good idea. I’m not supposed to be friends with anyone, ever. If someone finds out about you, I’m toast.”

“Is it really that bad?”

“I don’t know. And I don’t think I want to know.”

None of them said anything for a moment. 

“Theresa-Taylor?”

“Don’t,” she mumbled. “It’s a stupid name. Call me Terry if you really want to.”

“Terry,” he tried again. “It doesn’t really suit you.”

“It’s been years since someone called me that,” she smiled. “It doesn’t even sound right anymore, but it’s nice to hear it.”

“What if I called you mine instead?” he suggested. Double Tee’s eyes widened.

“What?”

“You’re amazing. You took a huge risk taking me here just to make me feel better. You’re the only person who gets me. You’re funny, you’re smart, you’re kind, you’re…” he took a deep breath. “You’re the best person I have ever met. I’m in love with you, Terry.”

“El, I-”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he interrupted her. “I just… wanted to get it out of my system.”

With her eyes full of tears, she leaned in and planted a chaste kiss on his cheek. He looked at her for a moment, then turned his head ever so slightly and closed the remaining space between them. It was only for the shortest moment, but it still felt as if time had stopped.

When they separated again, Loki gently put a strand of Double Tee’s hair behind her ear. “Don’t cry, darling,” he whispered, hugging her tight.

“This shouldn’t be,” she sobbed. “I shouldn’t have feelings for you. I’m so screwed.”

“No you’re not,” he said. “No one has to know.”

But then-

“Double Tee and Loki, sitting in a tree,” they heard from below them. “K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

They flinched and look down, only to see two other agents, Jay and Kay.

“Man, I never thought I’d get to sing that again,” Jay snickered.

“Get down here, Double Tee,” Kay said, his arms crossed on his chest. “You too, sir.” 

Double Tee sighed and jumped off the branch, landing on her feet but nearly falling over.

“Are you out of your mind?” Kay asked.

“Kay, wait,” Jay stopped him, noticing her puffy red eyes. “What’s wrong, girl? Is he hurting you?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine,” she snapped back. “Loki’s not… hurting me.”

“Then why are you crying?” he frowned.

“Because you are going to neuralyse him, aren’t you? You’re gonna take my only friend away from me.”

“You sure you guys are just friends?”

“Jay. Focus,” Kay scolded him. “You know the rules, Double Tee. No relationships with the outside world. And especially not stealing an MIB vehicle to go for a ride with the outside world. You of all people-”

“Me of all people!” she exclaimed. “Me of all people is sick of this! Me of all people is tired of not having anyone for myself! Me of all people is-”

“Lonely,” Jay finished for her. Double Tee gulped and nodded, noticing Kay’s face softening ever so slightly.

“We’ve all been there,” he said. “Sooner or later. Everyone gets lonely. And… sometimes falls in love with an alien.”

“That doesn’t sound stupid at all,” Jay mumbled.

“Point is,” Kay glared at him. “We just move on.”

“No,” Double Tee whimpered. “Don’t take it away from me. Please, Kay. I’m the happiest I have ever been.”

“You know the rules, Double Tee,” he insisted. “We have to neuralyse him and suspend you.”

“Kay, wait,” Jay interrupted him once more. “Look at her. You really want to break her? Maybe we could come up with something. He’s not really outside world, is he? He’s kind of one of us when you think about it.”

A spark of hope lightened Double Tee’s features. “Please, Kay.”

The older agent thought for a moment. “Fine. But if Oh finds out, you’re toast, understood?”

“Thank you!” she let out a sigh of relief. 

“We’ll still have to suspend you for the bike though,” he said. “We’ll take you both back.”

Double Tee turned to Loki behind her and smiled. “We’re okay,” she whispered, reaching for his hand. He returned the smile end entwined his fingers with hers.

“Aw, man, look at how cute they are!” Jay said.

[windandwater]

back from Finland and my nightmare flight situation got really fucking funny (and awful) at the end so I’m gonna tell you the whole goddamn thing. cut to save you from Airline Stories.

I mentioned in a previous post that I had to sprint through Heathrow to get to a flight, and it wasn’t my fault. that turned out to be just the beginning but here’s what happened.

airline randomly decided to change my flight to an earlier time

I found out about this from a 3 am text that I read at 8 am on my way to work

cool I have to leave work much earlier

I do that. it was about to rain in New York so it was a good goddamn thing. no subway delays at all.

I sit at the gate for a bit. an hour before boarding, there are still zero airline employees to be found

what the fuck.

I google my flight number. it is not at the gate I’m sitting at.

great.

I walk over to the new gate, the lady there explains “it got changed.”

fine. I’m still on time.

….

the flight is not.

the rain started while I was in the airport and New York is gridlocked, and they barely had enough flight attendants to take off

I check my flight information. I have a connection in Heathrow that’s an hour after my flight and my flight is delayed…you guessed it. an hour.

I’m definitely gonna miss my connecting flight

I accept this (I am on a lot of anxiety medication) to deal with when I get there (thank you, medication!) and go to sleep (so. much. medication.)

arrive in Heathrow

announcement on the plane says that the connecting flight to Helsinki is also delayed, and to see them up front if you are getting on that flight

so I talk to them

“they’re leaving at 8:20 (it is now 7:50), so you can make it but you have to BOOK”

me: “GOT IT.” *takes off*

*accidentally knocks off a baby’s blanket. does not stop, like an asshole. yells EXCUSE ME to every British person in the way, while elbowing them, I’m from fucking New York, MOVE*

“few people runnin' about” happens

gotta go through security first

lady at the desk spins her computer monitor to show me what it says when she scans my boarding pass: “please proceed directly to gate 9”

me: “TRUST ME I FUCKING KNOW”

someone in front of me for some reason has every glass bottle in the world, doesn’t speak enough English for the security people to explain that it’s fine so long as there’s  no food or liquid in them

somehow I get through and make it to the gate

“if you had been 10 minutes later you would’ve caught us, but you’re good!”

phew.

find out later that my family had a similar yet worse experience in Frankfurt. ha.

turns out that was only the fucking beginning. because I still had to come back. here’s how that went.

day 1:

I’m supposed to fly out Saturday at 3 pm. my brother is flying out Saturday at 7 am. Friday night, we are on our way to the BnB and I double check my email.

surprise! my flight has changed. now at 7 am.

ughhhhhhhhhh

fine. I’ll just go to the airport with my brother.

we do that. Air BnB host nice enough to wake up and drive us—for a price, but a pretty good one.

they had a sauna and I had to skip out on using it (I only got to do it once) and I was pretty upset. fuck you, airline.

get to the airport at the asscrack of dawn

I check my email in the car one more time

….

wait a second

the date on this is for Sunday

fuuuuuuuuuuck

screw it, I’ll wait around until their service desk opens and have them put me on a flight

1 hour: nothing

I try and call them. on a janky phone that has issues with phone calls

customer service is closed, because Europe

call the US number

customer service is open and in English but it rings a few times and then I get a message in Icelandic and it hangs up.

….I’m never flying a Scandinavian-based airline ever a-fucking-gain.

2 hours: nothing

fuck. this.

I start googling hotels by the airport instead. check into one. get a shuttle there. room itself isn’t too expensive, but not money I really have.

oh fucking well

I pass out.

wake up, have to leave the hotel to get lunch, come back and read Yuri on Ice fanfic

oh daaamn this hotel has a sauna

tight

get smoked reindeer pasta at the hotel restaurant

go to sauna again

go back the fuck to sleep

day 2:

airport shuttle at the asscrack of dawn but this time I’ve slept all day

feeling annoyed but optimistic. this will suck but at least I’m rested.

get to the airport

once again they have changed the airline on me. this was not self-evident in the email

haul my ass to the right terminal. thank fuck there are only 2.

that last sentence is foreshadowing

in line for getting my ticket (b/c of course I can’t check in at a kiosk) and two people in front of me are going through the same shit. airline answered their phone calls tho and promised them money back

feeling more hopeful

am now flying through Amsterdam. they can’t print my connecting flight boarding pass. I will have to get it printed at the airport when I get there.

there is only an hour between the flights

I am hit with a sudden premonition of doom

but am still hopped up on anxiety medication

here we go again!

make it to Amsterdam with no drama

phone battery is dying. my external battery stopped working abruptly and there’s no charger on the smaller planes. it wouldn’t charge at the gate; was plugged in but draining. I turn it off. charges 2%.

more foreshadowing

I get off the plane and have to ask where to go to get to the correct airline. someone directs me. it’s a different terminal. I run-walk over there, knowing what’s about to happen.

passport control. spend 5 minutes panicking that I don’t have an e-passport b/c I don’t know where to look for the logo. turns out it’s on the front cover! I’m a dumbass.

get there. can’t check in/print off boarding pass

oh boy

have to wait in line for a service rep

this wait takes 35 minutes

I get to the front. my seat reservation somehow does not exist

she manages to print off my ticket. and call them to tell them I’m coming.

looks me in the eye: “you run.”

me: “I run.”

I do that.

new gate is 2 more terminals away

Amsterdam is fucking big and I have now run across 3 terminals of it.

the Dutch are better at moving out of the way than the English

I make it to the gate and people are there yelling “New York? New York!!” make it on the plane. phone won’t charge. ...... great.

no podcasts for me! I watch a Stonewall documentary, a gay rom com, and a slew of nature documentaries.

at least I’m on brand.

make it to New York in one piece. meet a nice German lady and everything.

it was hell coming back here from Greece but from Scandinavia it’s fucking amazing.

anyway

slight panic after going through passport control. I handed them my receipt, promptly forgot I did that, then got my baggage and began looking for my receipt to show to the next set of cops.

receipt was gone

ummmmmm

I empty out my entire bag

nothing

I ask the lady next to me if they kept the receipt

she says yes they did and I nearly collapse. guess there’s no next set of cops this time around. it’s different every fucking time.

she sympathizes. we have a nice chat. she has family in Helsinki and just got back from Greece and Italy.

Scandinavians are not friendly. FUCK I missed New York.

because some people will assume otherwise if i don’t say so: it was not a white lady. I really really missed New York.

I manage to make it to my subway stop with no more drama than wondering why I’m the only person on the train

I realized literally this morning that it’s almost a holiday weekend. oops.

make it to my apartment door

they installed a new front door while I was in another fucking country

(there were issues with the old one)

sign on the door says go see the super. who never answers his door, only the phone.

my phone battery is now at 10%

….

super’s not answering his phone. or the door.

7%

text and call neighbors who live near me. leave messages. try not to panic.

feel raindrops

look up

there’s a storm cloud coming in

I hear thunder

this is the point where I started laughing

I try the super’s other number

“uhhh you changed the door”
 “you were sleeping!”
 “I was in FINLAND!” 
“okay, give me a minute, I’m on my way”

5%

turn phone off

super appears. I am not soaking wet and laughing hysterically. yet. if he’d been any later it would’ve been another story

make it inside. plug in phone. it’s at 3%

answer all my family’s frantic texts, order food delivery, take a shower, go the fuck to sleep, and sleep 14 hours. felt fucking great.

go to work today because it’s 4th of July and if I don’t I’ll only be in for two days. oh well!

[agentdammers]

Grand Torchwood Rewatch 1x12 & 13

IF YOU FALL I WILL CATCH U I’LL BE WAITING........ T I M E A F T E R T I M E

One season down...... It’s a Finale Double Whammy, just as it aired back in 2007! Crumbs of Jack Lore drop into our laps, some absolute plot bullshit takes place, an old man is there!!! fuck it let’s get this over with

content warn: pisstaking, fun having, oh! plot bullshit!, i absolutely lose my fucking mind, Owen Harper!!! I Won’t Hesitate Bitch

1x12 “captain jack harkness”

- a thought before we dive in, but man owen gets A LOT of story stuff over the course of the 2 seasons he’s in right??? like more story stuff than ianto and tosh combined. interesting

- AH FUCK!!! A VOTE SAXON POSTER. REMEMBER WHEN?

- so..... here’s a thing. “Ohhh people have heard music from a derelict building! better send torchwood in!” how... does that come about? Could it be squatters or something??? fuck it, let’s send in a Secret Government Agency! they’ll sort it out. i mean we don’t know what they do exactly but i imagine at least one of them is a ghostbuster or something lmao, whatever

- OH NO THIS CREEPY OLD BITCH!!! i forgot how scary he looked!! god, this dude must be a million, or a vampire, or likely both

- tosh’s eyes get SO BIG WHEN THAT GUY ASKS HER TO DANCE I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! she’s the best one!!!!!!

- wish i could wipe this episode entirely from my memory because that fucking reveal when the Real jack harkness introduces himself? F    U    C   K

- speaking of tosh, finding it extremely unconvincing that she, a tech nerd, would go out with a laptop with an almost completely flat battery... like, c’mon. she would be prepared

- Gwen cooper, a fully adult woman: haha me and my friends;;;; came here 4 a dare;;; cos its spooky lol....

- the camera on this show has me fucking SCREEEAMING “He wears a cravat.” THERE’S A DRAMATIC SLOW MOTION ZOOM IN ON THIS GUYS FUCKING CRAVAT AND THEN ON IANTO’S FACE LOOKING AT IT AND ITS ALL IN FUCKING EARNEST LET ME DIE!!!!!!!!!

- the dance they’re at is called “KISS THE BOYS GOODBYE DANCE”, which is what my finishing move would be called if i was a character in a fighting game

- ianto and owen slapfighting over their shit girlfriend experiences fucking owns genuinely lmao

- tosh pops the top off a tin and then cuts her hand open on the obviously blunt fucking lid?????? jesus christ

- “I’m tired of living in awe of the rift!!!” .....................first i’ve heard of it. I love that owen is talking as though the rift has been a major fucking factor throughout the entire series up until this point, rather than a thing that’s just been vaguely fucking referenced as the reason why a bunch of weird shit just seems to happen in cardiff. no, im not standing for this. You can’t pull out the rift at the eleventh hour and then talk about it as though it’s a Hugely Important plot device when the biggest role it’s had over the stretch of the entire 11 Whole Ass episodes prefacing this was to allow the plane to come through in “out of time”. y’all have barely mentioned the rift this entire time and now you want to act like its the hellmouth??? eat my ass!!!!!!

- and continuing on that note: apparently they’ve had a machine that can manipulate the rift in the hub......... the entire goddamn time. but no one thought to MENTION it i guess!!!!!!!! pfft, why would THAT be important??? right???? right?????

this plot bullshit almost makes me feel bad for how harsh i was about “cyberwoman” but, i will admit.... despite this Absolute Fucking Nonsense, i do find the jack and tosh storyline in this episode really fun and interesting. its just unfortunate that all the stuff arrrrround that is some kind of fic scrawled in the back of a kid’s math book.

- also the size of owen’s fucking NADS in this episode!!!!!!!! “Don’t compare yourself to me.” SAYS MAN CRYING OVER THE GIRL HE KNEW FOR ONE (1!) (SINGULAR) WEEK!!!! as opposed to ianto’s longterm girlfriend being turned into a monster and eventually murdered by his own team!!!! Like, i understand that’s owen’s problem actually goes beyond that, and its not so much about diane herself but about the fact that he let himself feel close to someone again after his fiancee died but for us, The Audience, watching this as it airs... we haven’t unlocked owen’s tragic backstory yet. and without knowing all that it just makes owen look really bad and like a huge fucking tool lmfao.

- NEVERMIND THE END IS GAY AND SAD AND Y’KNOW!!!!!! i am a man of simple pleasures, at heart, and so... i’ll let it slide. jack meeting his namesake knowing that he’s going to die and them having a moment is more of the kind of emotional content we would get in episodes of doctor who, and its Just Right

- in honesty, theres a bunch of stuff about this ep that i DO like. that tosh gets a prominant role for a change, while gwen gets to do fuck all. the whole Real Jack story. owen gets shot and pops a tit out at the end. its just unfortunate thats its all wrapped up in this rift thing thats been wheeled out last minute for a Big Season Finale with no real foreshadowing or build up to it at all lmao. but, moving on...............................................................................................

1x13 “end of days”

- RHYS BUNS DETECTED, A SOUND WAY TO KICK OFF ANY EPISODE

- lovely reading voice ianto’s got..... i also like owen acting up to make sure we know that they remember him being shot in the shoulder last episode lol.

- “owen, if you open the rift you’ll break it” (owen opens the rift anyway) “owen, you opening the rift broke it” (owen GASPS IN DISMAY, ME??? REALLY?) yes bitch open your ears

- “So are we going to sit around crying into our lattes or are we gonna do something about it?” OWEN..... IS THIS. SUPPOSED TO SOUND BADASS I.... GENUINELY CANT TELL? IT SOUNDS BAD, OWEN

- jack was so likeable last ep now he’s a DICK. gwen calls him out on how he talked to owen and he’s really fucking catty at HER for no reason at all????

- i haaaaaaaaate this scene in the hospital where a Mystery Illness has all the fucking symptoms of the bubonic plague but apparently every doctor in the entire hospital never did high school level history and are all incapable of recognising it. if fucking *i* know what symptoms of the bubonic plague are im sure they didn’t need Absolute Brain Genius Owen Harper who is seemingly the only person with any sense in cardiff to come in and diagnose it. i also hate how owen just like casually mentions to the doctor yep, this is caused by people falling through time dude yknow!!! like they do!! expect more of this to keep happening probably idk!!

- “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU OPENED THE RIFT WITH THIS MACHINE WE HAVE THAT’S FOR UHHHHHHHH UHHHHHHH OPENING THE RIFT *big fuck off galaxy brain*” thats basically this episode.

- i love that owen has followed jack all this time but NOW in a crisis is the time to actually lose it and start questioning his authority bc they dont Actually know who jack is like???? you’ve been fine not knowing this entire time before??? thats not to say that jack isn’t an entire dumbass himself. he expects them all to follow him blindly and its so creepy. he’s like a cult leader, and as they all have Torchwood Stockholm Syndrome that ive mentioned in previous episode run downs they’ve all just gone along with it.

- owen having a little cry on the way out is such a Good scene bc he puts on such a brave and defiant front tho 💕💖💘💕

- i dont know why the really quick flashback to diane flying off in the plane made me lose my fucking mind, its just like “LMAO IN CASE U FORGOT: SHE WAS THE PLANE LADY. I KNOW SHE WAS ONLY IN FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES, BUT DONT WORRY ABOUT IT.”

- gwen for fucks sake!!!!!!!! not again!!!!! after all the cryptic shit and lies she’s told rhys up until this point, she now knocks him out and locks him in a cell and STILL offers no explanation. this poor fucking dude!!!!!!!!! and it’s about to get even worse for him...

- the way gwen screams “RHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUURRRRRSSSSS”

- YES EVERYONE REBEL AGAINST JACK!!!!!!! FUCK THIS DUDE!!!! you’re doing what a creepy old dude who is Absolutely Definitely evil wants, but still

- why does gwen start doing shit on the computer when toshiko, the computer expert, is standing right there, like.............

- JACK TRYING TO SMACKTALK TO ENTIRE GANG LIKE HIS OWN CLOSET ISN’T CHOCKFUL OF FUCKING SKELETONS

- i forget, does anyone know jack’s immortal apart from gwen? or was it just the shock of owen actually Shooting Their Boss? the only onscreen death i can recall of his after suzie shot him was in “cyberwoman”

- god, minutes ago they were all like FUCK JACK!!!! JACK DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SAVE US AFTER ALL!!! and now theyre all crawling back asking jack to save them all from cgi pig Ganon and its just..... a lot to happen, over the space of about half an hour.

- the ending is so anticlimatic and also why does sucking all the Yummy Life Energy out of jack make abaddon die?????????? Though in its defence... after like 3 bowls of cereal, i too am like OUCH OOF MY BONES

- aaaaaaaaaand rhys is back! will he get treated any better from here on out? i dont remember!!! guess we’ll see.

- bit much of gwen who’s actually known jack the shortest time of them all to be like NO, let ME be with him uwuwuwuuw

- ahhh!!! ianto smelling jack’s coat ;_;

- aaaand jack’s back too. AND HE GETS TO HOLD A CRYING OWEN? FOR ME? oh you shouldn’t have! this Almost makes up for all that rift plot bullshit (almost. i still know what u did.)

- ANDDDDD OH SHIT. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GOOD ENDING. HERE COMES THE TARDIS. FUCKING YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...............................and there it goes. one season down. sorry this one was so long!!! i love and appreciate anyone to takes the time to read these posts. thank u!!!!

[dice-and-die]

Cosmic Concupiscence (ZaDr feral au) (chapter 1)

Concupiscence- noun- (Con-cue-pes-ense) -a strong sexual desire/lust Origin: Middle English: via Old French from late Latin concupiscentia, from Latin concupiscent- ‘beginning to desire,’ from the verb concupiscere, from con- (expressing intensive force) + cupere ‘to desire.’

Alternate chapter title: In which Dib and Gaz work together (chapter 1)

Today was going to be a fantastic day. Dib Membrane was sure of it. The young boy was excitedly watching the unveiling of the new long distance traveling spaceship that Professor Membrane had built almost completely by himself. Dib and Gaz stood side by side in the crowd, watching their father in amazement, as he finally revealed the enormous blue and silver ship. Dib stared at it in awe, having to lean back to see the top of it. The ship looked so much more amazing than the concept sketches Dib had seen scattered about the lab downstairs at home. “I wonder how fast it can travel and how far it can go.” Dib wondered out loud. “Gaz, we could go out there and find aliens! Real actual space aliens! We could befriend other space faring races! Do you think that maybe... maybe they’re out there waiting for us?” He babbled on in excitement. “If they were out there waiting for us, then the least they could have done was abduct you!” Gaz mumbled in all her apathy.

“Ok I know your saying that to be mean and rude, but I mean, your not wrong.” Dib said, completely un-offended with a dismissive shrug. Gaz rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to Professor Membrane, who was still talking. “This is the beginning of something great! With this ship, we can further explore the cosmos, go into the deepest darkest corners of space, and discover new things! It has a more advanced PEG system, so the ship has perpetual energy! Fuel is a problem of the past! We can come back to earth as heroes! I will be making an experimental expedition out into space! I plan on only being gone for a year at the most! Consider it like a test drive! We’ll be leaving tomorrow evening folks! Unfortunately, I will have to leave my son and daughter behind, just in case things don’t go well. Luckily, I have picked out an excellent guardian for them!” Professor Membrane continued on, but his voice and the rest of his speech, went unheard as Gaz and Dib both glared up at him in shock and indignation.

“Oh I don’t FUCKING think so!” Gaz said, her voice quavering with agitation and rage. “Geez, yeah! What the hell dad!? You can’t just leave us here on earth while you go explore space! That’s unfair!” Dib openly agreed with his sister. The two of them shared a concerned and angry look before quietly leaving the crowd together. Once they were out of earshot of other people, Dib and Gaz shared another look. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Dib asked with a mischievous grin upon his heavily freckled face. “We sneak onboard the ship?” Gaz said questioningly. “Absolutely!” Dib said, with wild excitement. Gaz gave a smug grin and followed her brother home as the two of them concocted a plan together. For once, the two of them were actually getting along and working together.

                                          * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Gaz and Dib sat at a Mac Meaties, sharing pork fries and meat shakes, while looking over the ship’s blueprints, which had been easy to acquire. “Ok so, let’s see, there’s the docking bay and the cargo bay. Maybe we can sneak in through one of those? Maybe not the docking bay though, it would have a lot more people supervising there.” Dib trailed off, trying to think of more to say. “Ok, Dib, it’s not that hard. We just go home, pack our shit, and hide away in a storage crate. They open from the inside incase people get trapped in them. Too easy.” Gaz said as she sipped her bacon and cheddar meat-shake. “I mean I guess but... I’m still kinda nervous I suppose. I mean this is space we’re talking about! We’re gonna go to space Gaz! SPACE!” Dib said excitedly, while pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “Calm down and keep your voice low dumbass. Do you want people to find out?” Gaz grumbled.

“Shit, your right.” Dib took a bite of his bbq chicken double mcmeatie burger, and looked around at the completely oblivious people around them. “Yeah I know.” Gaz said proudly. “Now let’s get out of this greasy joint and go home and start packing. And for chrissakes Dib, don’t let Dad or anyone else catch us packing because they might catch on!” Gaz said in an almost intimidating tone. “Right. Let’s not get caught.” Dib agreed.

                                          * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hours had passed at home, hours of packing and planning and then extra plans incase the original plan failed, and then a plan after that and then another one after that. Gaz rolled up the ship’s blueprints and stuffed them in her backpack, which was full of snacks, games, clothes, and plenty of other interesting things.... Dib had also packed snacks and drinks, and had also packed video cameras, flashlights, a pocket knife, pepper spray, clothes, his phone, and plenty of chargers, and other small and mostly meaningless things. “Do you have your phone Gaz?” Dib asked. “Yeah, but I’m pretty sure you don’t get any sort of service once you go beyond earth, so I think bringing my phone is kinda pointless.” Gaz said. “Yeah but hey, more pictures of space, right?” Dib said, with his beaming, dorky smile. Gaz simply rolled her eyes. “Ok. Well we have everything packed right? Let’s go to bed. Pretend like everything is normal.” She said, with a tone of caution in her voice.

Dib peeked our from around his bedroom door. “Hey yknow I find it funny that dad thinks we need a babysitter or some shit. Like seriously? I’m nineteen. Your seventeen. We’re not twelve year old little shits anymore. We don’t need someone to watch us.” He complained. “Ok, one, does it matter? Two, speak for yourself Mr. I brought a rabid werewolf home and it almost killed me.” Gaz grouched at him. “Ok that was an accident.” Dib sighed in exasperation. “Yes, one that almost destroyed the house. One that also ate the puppy.” Gaz said while squinting angrily at her brother. “Hey... if we’re supposed to have a babysitter then why aren’t they here yet?” Dib asked suspiciously, changing the question. “Don’t jinx it asshole. With our luck it could be someone awful and stupid like an old middle school teacher or some sleaze-bag who does drugs.” Gaz grumbled. “Now go to bed. Before I strap you to yours and leave you here. We have a lot to go through tomorrow.” She said, before leaving her brother’s room.

Dib closed the door after her and laid on his bed. There was no way he was going to sleep, he was too excited, and his gut was doing all these twists and turns. Space. He might actually be in space tomorrow. Just the thought of it sent chills down his spine. “I better not go out there and there not be any space aliens for me to meet.” He murmured. He was up until around one in the morning, contemplating all the possibilities, before his body gave in to sleep.

                                          * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Gaz woke up early at around five. She got dressed, brushed her teeth, and went downstairs, reminding herself to wake Dib up in a little while. She marched into the kitchen to find a note on the table from Professor Membrane. She picked it up and curiously read it.

Dear Son and Daughter,

I love you both very much. I know you might be upset that I’m leaving without the both of you, but I couldn’t live with myself if I were to have risked your lives if something goes wrong. That’s why we’re leaving early this morning instead of later at night like we said, so you two don’t get any ideas about stowing away and being all sneaky. The babysitter will be here sometime at noon.

With Love, ~Your Father

P.S. don’t let your brother raise the dead again Gaz.

Gaz nearly had a brain aneurism, and was filled with sudden rage and panic. She could feel an angry scream, threatening to bubble it’s way out of her throat, like boiling lava from a volcano. “sssshhhHHHHIIIIIIIITT.” She charged up the stairs, and banged her brother’s door open, the doorknob slamming into the wall. “DIB WAKE UP!” She screeched at the top of her lungs, racing over and grabbing her brother, shaking him awake. “Huh? Wha? Gaz? What’s going on?” Dib asked groggily, after struggling to wake up. He grabbed his glasses and put them on, stunned by the agitated look upon his sister’s face.

“We need to go. Right. Now.” Gaz growled, gritting her teeth while trying to keep her cool. She was quivering with anticipation and panic. “What? Right now? But I thought-“ Gaz cut Dib off, growing ever more impatient for her brother to just get up and get going already. “Yeah? Well we were wrong! Here!” She shoved the note into his hands before racing off to her room to grab her stuff. She could hear Dib make an almost animalistic sound of extreme alarm and panic, and then a muffled “OH FUCK.” He grabbed his bag, opened it, and stuffed a bag of batteries and walkie-talkies into it before zipping it up and tossing it over his shoulders. The two of them charged down the stairs and out the door.

The cold November air bit at their faces as they ran out into the dark and lifeless five in the morning world. Gaz frantically called a taxi and demanded that they be extra speedy. Yes against the law speedy. No even faster than that! Yes this was an emergency! Five anxiety inducing minutes later, and a dark green taxi van pulled up. The driver rolled down the window and looked at Gaz and Dib I’m surprise, who were both equally surprised to find that their driver was Keef. “Hey Dib! Hey Gaz!” Keef said excitedly, and with an unnatural amount of cheer. “Where are you guys going?” He asked. Dib and Gaz hurried to get into the van. “Ok Keef, we need you to go as fast as you can! Ok? Like illegally fast. Ok? This is an emergency!” Dib said, his voice cracking with anxiety. “Whoa are you ok? Is one of you sick or something?” Keef asked with worry and concern. “Ok listen, we don’t have time for this! We need to go! Y’know where the giant new spaceship is? Take us there and make it faster than the speed of light! We need to say goodbye to our dad before he leaves!” Gaz looked him dead in the eyes, as she lied straight to his face.

“Oh ok! Gotcha!” Keef shifted the van into gear, and hit the gas. They jerked forward, slowly gaining momentum and speed. The speed gauge’s needle began to pull from 20-45-75 in mere minutes. Gaz eyed it nervously as the van began to shred by the neighborhood, now at 95 miles per hour. “Uh, I think that’s fast enough.” She mumbled nervously. “I feel like I’m going to throw up.” Dib groaned. “There’s a special bucket back there for that.” Keef said.

Surprisingly they went un-pursued and unnoticed by law enforcement, as they tore through the sleepy town and towards the launch feild, just on the outskirts of the city. “Oh my god we’re almost there! We’re gonna make it!” Dib was filled with hope. “Gaz look I can see the ship!” Dib then proceeded to vomit in the bucket, out of sheer stress and overexcitement. “Euuugh.” Gaz made a disgusted face before looking back to the horizon.

                                          * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Professor Membrane overlooked the view from the observation dome on the very top of the ship. He could see the entire broad horizon, the rising sun, the outline of the city, all the twisting and winding roads that lead to nature and other towns, and a tiny green van in the distance, speeding down one of those roads. “Ah so the world awakens. This is truly a glorious dawn. I hope the kids won’t be mad that they’re staying home. I will have to make sure to promise to bring them on the next trip, that is if all goes well. I do hope the hyper speed will work.” Professor Membrane thought out loud to himself, as he enjoyed the view and a black coffee. He payed the van no mind as it began to slow down, and turned to go check on the water filtration and waste disposal system.

                                          * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Keef pulled the van to a slow and eventual stop. “Ok this is as far as I can go guys.” He said. “Thank you.” Gaz grumbled before shoving two fifties into his hand and getting out of the vehicle. Dib grabbed his stuff and went to go after her. “Hey just call if you guys need a ride home or anything!” Keef said cheerily. “We’ll keep you in mind dude!” Dib said respectfully before racing after his sister.

“Ok. We have at least a little while before they take off. They’re still loading up the ship. We can make it.” Gaz said in complete confidence. “I’m glad I woke up when I did.” She said. “Are you ready? Cause Gaz, were going to fucking space. Space Gaz. SPACE. I almost can’t wrap my head around it. SPACE!” Dib began to get overexcited again. “Calm down before you vomit again!” Gaz said, eyeing her brother in mild disgust as she began jogging off the road and down the hill. “Hey! Wait for me!” He ran to catch up. They weaved through the trees and downed branches and a couple of logs before coming up to the electrified fence. “Shit. How do we get past that?” Dib complained. “Quiet. Let me think.” Gaz growled. “We don’t have time to think!” Dib said nervously. “I said be quiet!” Gaz snapped.

Gaz paced around for a few minutes before pulling her old skull necklace out of the back pocket of her backpack. She held it tight for a moment before tossing into the electric fence. It flashed like a bomb, shining pink rays of energy dancing about in the light, before sucking the energy out of the electric fence. It sat on the ground, sparking, humming with the newly trapped energy. “What. The. Hell.” Dib was shocked and confused. “Is that why... is that why you always wore that thing all the time? Is that why you can just do completely inexplicable shit that normal people can’t do? Gaz, what the hell?!” Dib could barley comprehend that all these years his sister had a supernatural talisman and he hadn’t even noticed. Gaz only smiled smugly at her brother, before picking it up, unharmed. She tossed her bag over the fence and began climbing.

Dib followed after her, clearly still struggling to grasp this newfound information, thus affecting his climbing skills. He attempted to jump down from the other side, but his leg got caught in the barbed wire. He hung there for a moment before falling down, his chest slamming into the hard earth, knocking the wind out of him. Gaz rolled her eyes and helped her brother up. “Now how about we stop dicking around and we get going? See look they’re almost done packing. We gotta go!” She raced off, quietly sneaking around every object. So far they’d gone unseen. Gaz peeked around the side of a cargo loader vehicle. There were some unsecured crates, that weren’t being very well guarded. She opened her bag, as Dib caught up, slightly out of breath, and pulled out a smoke bomb. “What the- why do you have that????” Dib asked in alarm. “Your just full of god damn surprises today aren’t you?” He asked, still clouded with alarm and confusion.

“Oh I have all sorts of things that a seventeen year old shouldn’t have. I have smokebombs, flashbangs, noisemakers, and a couple of spicy ghost bombs.” She said, puffing her chest up in pride. “I made them all myself.” Gaz smiled. “What’s a spicy ghost bomb?” Dib asked with morbid curiosity. “It’s a smoke bomb with pepper spray in it.” Gaz grinned maniacally. “What even...” Dib was too scared to take the conversation any further.

Gaz didn’t answer. Instead she simply tossed the smoke bomb as far as she could. It landed several feet away, down near a different collection of crates. She grabbed her brother’s arm as the smoke bomb went off and guards rushed to investigate. Gaz yanked Dib along, over to the stack of crates that she had her eye on. All the silver crates had “To storage complex 9” printed on them. She opened one and motioned for Dib to get inside it. Without hesitation, he wiggled in amongst the styrofoam packing peanuts and held onto his bag. “Wait... how am I gonna breathe?” He asked worriedly. “Don’t worry about it. They have ventilation in them. Remember the whole “designed just in case someone gets trapped in one” thing? We’ll be fine.” She said before shutting the top, leaving her brother in the suffocating and unbearable darkness.

Gaz hid behind the stack of the crates, peering around the corner again, and cursing in rage as the guards were heading back towards this stack. “Shit.” She swore under her breath, and ducked down as the two guards positioned themselves on either side of the crates. She wiggled in between a gap amongst the crates and hoped to Ultra Pigulon that she wouldn’t be seen. As luck would have it, that exact stack of crates was about to be lifted into the cargo bay. “Oh lucky fucking break, we made it.” She sighed in relief.

The stack was lifted and set down on a moving belt. She peered out from her hiding place and made sure no one was watching, before she hurriedly opened a crate and wriggled in, shutting it after her. The stack went through the belt system and came out in a storage room, with people who were moving everything into place and making sure all storage units were accounted for.

Dib got on his messenger and texted Gaz from his phone.

AgentMothman: ==> Forward to VØX3LRØT

AgentMothman: Did you make it? Are you hidden?

VØX3LRØT: Yes. I’m in a crate. Just make sure to be quiet. We’re not out of the woods yet.

AgentMothman: Right......

AgentMothman: Gaz I have to pee. Help what do I do?

VØX3LRØT: You should have went before we left.

AgentMothman: I DIDN’T HAVE TIME ASSHOLE.

VØX3LRØT: Oh well. Sit tight and hold it in. It’s gonna be awhile before we can get out.

AgentMothman: >:T

VØX3LRØT ==> switched to don’t disturb mode ==>

“Why you little-“ Dib scowled and furiously swiped the messaging app away. He sat in the darkness, curled up tight around his backpack. He grabbed his headphones and listened to music, muttering angrily to himself. It was going to be a long wait. He paused to think, imagining leaving earth behind. He already started to feel slightly homesick, but more excited and nervous than anything, to be in space. “I can’t wait.” His voice cracked into a excited squeak. “Your gonna be in space! Maybe you’ll finally find friends among the stars. I can’t wait to meet a whole bunch of space aliens. They’ve gotta be out there. They just gotta!” He murmured in excitement to himself. He laid back, trying to relax in the cramped space, as he listened to 80’s rock music, and thought about aliens.

                                          * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A entire hour and a half had passed, before suddenly, in their hiding places, Gaz and Dib felt the a great thundering shudder run through the ship. Gaz opened her crate a sliver, and peered through it. The ship shuddered a second time and then, with the ferocity of an earthquake, it began to lift up off the ground. A message sounded blatantly throughout the entire ship “Departure in 10 minutes. Please ensure that you are in a secured area and buckled into a seat. Ensure that all luggage and cargo is properly sealed and buckled down.” The message repeated every minute. Dib could feel his guts twisting in excitement. This was it. He was actually going to space. “No turning back now.” He whispered in excitement. Gaz closed her crate and wiggled back down into the packing peanuts. “Here we go.” She murmured.

The final take off message sounded.

“Ship clear for take off. Ascension in-“

“10”

“9”

“8”

“7”

“6”

“5”

“4”

“3”

“2”

“1”

“High speed take off initiated!”

The ship rumbled and quaked and tilted up into the sky. Dib and Gaz were both shocked out of their minds as the ship gave a furious jerk forwards, blasting off into the sky at an unnatural speed. Within mere minutes, the ship had pierced the earth’s atmosphere and entered outer space. Dib could feel himself slamming into the walls of the crate, being knocked around until his head smashed into the top of the crate, knocking him out cold.

                                          * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dib woke sometime later, his crate open, and his sister peering inside, a look of genuine concern upon her face. His eyes fluttered open and he groaned in pain. Why did his head hurt? “Gaz?” He mumbled. “You got knocked out.” She explained quickly. “Come on! Get up. We have to hide.” She carefully helped her brother up, and he winced in pain, touching the top of his head gingerly. “Gaz. I still need to go to the bathroom.” Dib sighed. “Sheesh, I’m surprised you didn’t pee yourself or something.” His sister merely pointed to the end of the entire storage room. “I explored. The bathroom is to the left.” She said. Dib bolted in that direction while Gaz shook her head, sighing in exasperation. She turned and took her brother’s backpack out of the crate, and then closed it up to ensure that no one would be suspicious.

“Well we made it. We’re actually in space.” Gaz said, somewhat in relief. “Now all we gotta do is explore it. And not get caught being here. I’ve only ever been grounded twice, it’s not happening again.” Gaz walked in the general direction of her brother, looking around at the never ending rows of crates. There were bound to be people coming back here soon, it was only a matter of time. After a few minutes she reached the bathroom and waited for her brother. “Uuuugh I threw up in there Gaz... I didn’t think I had anything left in me..” Dib groaned, coming out of the bathroom. “Ok? I didn’t need to know that. We need to find a new place to hide. Let’s get going.” Gaz handed Dib his backpack and started walking towards the nearby exit, that led up to the docking bay.

The Docking bay was just as enormous as the cargo storage room, and the hangar for small ships was filled to the brim with as many as could possibly fit. All of them were small one to four person starships. “We’re not gonna hide in one of these are we?” Dib asked. “Just for now we are. Nobody is coming back here I don’t think.” Gaz opened the hatch to a four person ship and hopped inside, waiting patiently for Dib, who seemed unsure of whether this was a good idea or not. He reluctantly hopped on board the ship and looked around. It was the size of the living room at home and had a singular pilot seat in the front. In the back were two large seats on either side that had a safety bar above it, like one they pull down over your head on a roller coaster ride, along with seatbelts for extra safety. Then further in the back there was an emergency escape hatch on the floor, and a strange computer nearby with a circular pad built into the floor. Gaz went over to the pilot seat and sat down. “Oh man I like the feeling of this, I think I might wanna fly this sometime.” She said, observing the controls with interest.

Dib closed the hatch and then walked over to the computer in the back and stood on the circular pad, after dropping his bag on the floor. The computer fired up without Dib having to touch it and a red light began to scan him up and down. “Whoa what’s going on?” He tensed up, confused and somewhat nervous. “Scan complete! Please customize your suit on the screen.” The computer beeped. Gaz turned to look at her brother. “What are you doing?” She asked. “Whoa. I think this thing makes space suits!” Dib said, leaning in to look at the computer screen with interest. “Space suits!? Well when your done being a cosmic dork, it’s my turn! Might as well be stylish in space, right?” Said Gaz.

Dib started looking at suit options with interest. “How about something that breathes? I don’t wanna be in a suit that’s going to make me sweat to death!” He said. A color wheel popped up after tapping the suit option. “Um obviously I want it to be dark blue. Wait a minute, there are pattern options? Ooooooh I like the jagged side stripes.... what?! You can customize the pattern color too? This is amazing.” Dib continued on until he stopped at something that almost made him cry tears of joy. “Oh my god... Gaz come over here and look at this!” He cried out. Gaz leapt off the pilot seat, concerned that something was wrong, her brother sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “What?! What is it?!” She asked in blatant alarm. “Gaz look!” Dib pointed to the computer screen. “The suits can have built in binders!” He said, obviously trying not to cry, and very much failing to do so. “Wow. That’s pretty inclusive.” Gaz said, letting a genuine smile break across her face.

Dib removed his glasses for a moment to wipe the tears away, and then tapped the option excitedly and completed his suit. “Processing... Processing... PROCESSING....” The computer let out a soft ding and a small tray opened with a fresh and neatly folded up spacesuit. Dib picked it up and looked it over appreciatively, running his hands across the smooth and soft material. A holographic curtain popped up while he changed. “Hey I didn’t notice, but this thing has built in boots too. Fucking sweet.” The curtain came down once he was done, leaving him behind with all his clothes on the floor. He collected his clothes up in a ball and stuffed them into his bag, before hopping off the floorpad and staring at himself in deep appreciation. “This thing is really comfy!” He said, happily.

“Okiedoke, my turn!” Gaz hopped onto the floor pad and the computer scanned her. She customized her suit to be black with magenta and purple stripes slanting up and down either way across the front and back, as well as two dark purple diamond shapes over her shoulders. Both her and Dib’s suits were fingerless and had a sealed zipper down the chest and belly, that stopped just above the lower abdomen. “Wow this IS comfy!” Gaz said, doing a twirl after changing and stepping off the pad. “Right?!” Dib said, while putting his black trench coat back over the top of his suit, because there’s no way he was gonna stop wearing it. No way in hell. It was his favorite thing ever. He still kept his old small one from when he was twelve, in a box underneath his bed. Not even Gaz knew about it.

“This is an adventure. I’m having fun right now.” Dib said, with his big dorky smile. “I think we might have a good time out here!” Gaz said. “I mean we won’t be able to talk to dad for awhile, but we’ll still have fun!” She continued on. “I’ve been ready for space adventures my whole life. I think I’ve just made a fantastic decision, to not go back to earth. Well ok maybe I’ll visit and stuff, but I am definitely going to spend the rest of my life in space, and I haven’t even seen it all yet!” Dib said with excitement and vigor. He felt ready for anything and everything!

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I...have such a headache

- Okay so I got there late and there was....literally no one there

- To the point where I almost double checked that I had the right theater omfg

- this rehearsal was supposed to be 12-5

- Nothing even started happening until 2:45 at the EARLIEST

- They only ran Act 2

- Act 2 is only three scenes long

- They barely finished in time

- At 12:30, after hooking up his sound machine, Tom just heavily sighed and was like ‘I already don’t want to be here’ lmao

- Also he is now learning to drive solely so he can quit working these shows, which is iconic tbh

- She split...the leading player...into two people

- Pippin and Charlemagne were absent from this rehearsal

- It was the first dress rehearsal like I'm so??? that doesn’t feel like it bodes well omfg

- There was an ‘Artistic Director’ there and I literally think Tom’s tiny little mom is gonna fight him

- “you guys are doing a really shitty job at getting me to kill myself”

- at one point Pippin’s understudy did an entire ‘bad romance’ dance sequence and got the guitarist to play along for him

- Theo got carried out for his first scene but every scene after that this poor kid was late for his cues and we were like ‘this is why he needed to be carried huh’

- God for the duck death(tm) scene Pippin’s understudy, completely in character, goes ‘God, this might sound strange...and I don’t know this fucking song...but this duck is really goddamn sick...’ I was dying

- The costumes,,,,,i have,,,,,thoughts

- I forgot about the interpretive dance during the sex scene

- At one point the choreographer stopped the scene and was like ‘Guys....I’m REALLY bored.’

- They kept calling the torch ‘The Disco Stick’ 

- The lights weren’t hooked up yet so Tom was on the soundboard so I literally...basically just sat there for 5 hours doing nothing

- Tom was drinking hot coffee and iced coffee literally at the exact same time what a Mood honestly 

- asdfghj we all know actors aren’t allowed to leave the fucking theater and go in the auditorium and for some reason these kids continue to be dumbasses and try to sneak past us anyway instead of using THE BACK DOOR but oh my God these four girls were leaving past us today and when we asked where they were going they’re like ‘we ordered pizza and have to go get it’ and Tom took a long pause and was like ‘noble cause, you can go’ lmao

- okay I maintain this theater is fucking haunted bc I spent all day with the fucking chills despite coming in sweating AND my phone battery drained unexplainably fast when I wasn’t using it???? it made no sense it was a GHOST

- also the temperature change messed with my sinuses so I have a raging headache currently

- “So you know how I put basically everything together and work with my own speakers and also run the lights and help you with the soundboard and make sure all the mics are working and-” 

“Yes?”

“Now she wants me to add projections onto the stage.”

“Oh my God.”

- They have...this gigantic foam sun...and they want...to project...lyrics? onto it? It doesn’t make any sense omfg

- And the directors husband forgot his laptop so they couldn’t do that today anyway lol

- “Okay Neil’s had his hand over his mouth in panic for five straight minutes now, something definitely broke backstage” 

- oh my GOD so you know the finale is they’re trying to get Pippin to fling himself into a fire box or whatever

- this box...is so small I'm. Like it’s TALL but it’s so THIN like that’s not a grand finale looing box babes omfg

- Tom: “I literally have no fucking idea what this show is about, do you?”

Me: *having vivid wars flashbacks to panicking about Farkle Minkus and writing fucking Girl Meets World meta involving this show* “Uhhhh nah like I saw it once in 9th grade but it was pretty confusing and stuff lol”

- I'm missing stuff but it’s Been A Day so let’s have some hope for the rest of the week I guess

[thedenfantasyleague]

The Den Fantasy League Recap: Week One

Fellas, 

It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Back to the stress-inducing, battery-draining world we love known as Fantasy Football. I’m excited to be your Commissioner as we go into this season and honored to lead you all into battle each week. I want to wish you all the best and success as we move into this new year. Let’s get onto the recap. 

_

The Perfect Ten v. Hank Mardukas

Our defending champ returned to action and, although he put up fifth-most points, lost by almost 30 points. E’s strengths were really in four players and those four were the only ones to reach double figures on his team. With massive games from Ingram and Ekeler, E’s team was supplemented by good showings by Kyler and Prater. The big question mark is how does E rebound after losing Tyreek for an unknown amount of time? Where does he go from here? The question for Scott is: does he have a QB controversy? Scott was a wagon this week and demolished everything in his path. You thought G’s team showed out all weekend? Well, look at Scott’s who was our #1 scorer this week. Unlike E, Scott only had two players in single digits and was led by incredible games by Wentz (25), Dalvin (24), Jacobs (23.3), Golladay (10.2), Engram (17.6), Vikings D (15), and Lutz (14). He also did all that with Tyrell (16.5) and Lamar (33.6) on his bench. Is Scott the early favorite to win the league? Dirty Jocks himself? 

El Commish v. Fire Jarn

I’m disgusted. As Commish, you deserve better and I let all the fine gentlemen down this week. There have been rumors that I let Rob win this week and I will neither confirm nor deny. What I will say is I left a lot of points on my bench, take that as you will. My bright spots were few and far between: Henry went nuts (27.9) and Juuls had a good showing on SNF. Here’s where I messed up, my dumbass bought into the Jameis hype. In my defense, Matty Ice played horrible going into the fourth quarter and found a resurgence but man I’m an idiot. Adding to my demise was seeing Hollywood embarrass the Dolphins on his own with 26.7 points. I’ll say it though, Rob bested me. A huge game from the ageless wonder Brady and good games from Godwin, Alvin, and Bears D set Rob up for success. Thankfully, he didn’t play Desean but there was still a lack of production on his starting roster which could cause some concern moving forward. 

Wilmore Cinderella v. Team Timshel

On to the Cabana Boy redemption tour, shall we? On said redemption tour, JP showed us what we already seem to know: his one title might have been a fluke. JP laid an egg this week and had the third-lowest total of all teams. Only three players managed to meet their projects: Michael Thomas, Duke, and Jet’s D. That’s it. If you want to throw his bench in as well, then he’d have four total. Cma was/is trash, Conner and Lindsay sucked, even Ertz had a bad week. I’m hoping for his sake (and truly the sake of the league) JP turns it around and turns it around fast. Mike put up a modest 99.9 points to cruise to a victory. Unlike JP, his Quarterback was a stud with Dak getting 33.4 points. His always faithful Kennan Allen pick proved well, as well as Bills D and J-Tuck. Mike’s concern right now has to be around Melvin Gordon. Rumors are swirling that he won’t be available until Week 6 at the earliest so Mike may have to hold on for several weeks to get the Pro Bowl-caliber player back. 

Virginia Kuppcakes v. Stick With Us PVO

In our “Biggest Loser” game this week, we saw Dylan (unlike his Browns) show up on Sunday and get the win; Al did not. Things looked bleak on Thursday night when Al, led by Mitchell, fell flat on his face. He continued in his disappointment with poor outings from the normally reliable Mixon (injured) and Cooks, as well as high-upside OJ and Browns D. He did have promising games from DJ, Thielen, and Gostkowski. People have begun to ask: is he cursed for not taking Kupp? Dylan on the other hand, showed out this week. One of our top scoring teams was led by some big outings this week: Amari (16.6), TY (20.7), Delanie (17.5 against his beloved Browns, you hate to see it), Marlon (25.4), and a measly 14-point performance from Saquon. There were some question marks in performances from Fournette and his leading man, Baker. The biggest question here is: is Dylan’s success negatively correlated to the Browns’? Only time will tell. 

VP v. Kalabar’s Revenge

Wow. What a week for G. So much so that Vinny never really stood a chance. October came early for G this year and his sorcery is in full effect (more on that below). He started off the week with A-Rob on what was really the only impressive stat line from TNF. He then proceeded to go off benefitting from the magical connection that was Mahomes (27.3) and Watkins (37.8!); oh, and throw in 17+ from Le’Veon and 14 from Greg the Leg and you’re set. Vinny, like his Dolphins, yucked it up out there but he was able to bounce back. He clawed his way back with big games on MNF from Brees, Hopkins, and Sanders on top of good outings from Damien and Gould. After all the early embarrassment, Vinny’s squad put up respectable numbers in Week 1. 

Mr. Magorium v. Debbie Rowe

Finally, this week’s curse/game of the week. As we all heard on Sunday, G used his weekly Kurse on Mr. Magorium himself. Despite Gabe, who had one of the highest projections going into week one, found himself with the second lowest total at the end of it.When asked for comment regarding the Kurse, Mr. Measner stated: “We don’t believe in such things.''  So the question I have for you reader is, do you believe in coincidences? Only one of Gabe’s players reached their projection this week. That was Chris Carson. Chris Carson helped beat the Bengals. Coincidence? In Gabe’s defense, Jake had himself a week despite it starting with a dud on TNF. He was later led to success by guys like Deshaun (30.7), McCaffrey (32.9), Lockett (10.4), and Butker (17). Jake’s concern could be at the players who didn’t perform (Jones, Evans, and Kupp) who normally are solid point producers. However, if guys continue to produce 30-point games, he has nothing to worry about. 

Biggest Loser: 

This week we welcome on our Biggest Loser match-up participants, Al and Dyl. 

_

What a week one. Was it sloppy? Yes. Were stars born? Maybe. What I do know is that we get to do it all again Thursday night. Best of luck on the wire and, as always, set your lineups accordingly.

Your beloved Commissioner,

Jared R. Mosqueda

[static-enterprises]

The Origin of Static Enterprises

(Welp, I hope you guys enjoy the company’s origin story. I assure you, you won’t expect everything that happens in it. This post is so long. I’m so sorry.)

About three and a half years ago, before Static Enterprises was even a glimmer of a spark of inspiration, all three men that would make up the company were pressed for cash; no money influx was coming in for any of them and their respective landlords were two seconds away from kicking them out on their asses. Having escaped from jail two states over, authorities were close to closing in on them and no access to hiding places would not help in that situation.

The prospect of going to jail again is enough to sour the mood of just about anybody, so the trio was in a anxious funk for the longest time. That is, until Rodney decides:

“You know what? FUCK THIS! So we’re broke, so we’re about to get booted out onto the streets, so the police are gonna come and probably drag us to jail whenever. SO WHAT! I say: we gather up all the money we got, hit the internet, book ourselves on a cruise and wreak some havoc on a goddamn tropical island before the fat lady sings! If we’re gonna go out, we go out with a BANG, BITCHES!”

Though not to the same...extent as Rodney, Steve and Vincent got fired up as well. They didn’t just roll over and die! They steamrolled as many as possible before going out in a blaze of glory! Thus, Steve got to work hacking into an elite cruise liner’s website to give them a low-down discount on their tickets. And by ‘low-down discount’, I mean, make it seem like they added money for their tickets virtually when in reality, nadda. The day came two weeks later and they were ready; so ready that they marched onto the boat long before anybody else was even there.

TSK! Wrong boat they got on. It was a cruise liner, yes, but not the one they were supposed to be on. This one was meant...for villains...from all over the world....to attend the infamous convention...on Hannibal Island. 

If you asked Steve how they managed to fuck up that badly, to this day, he can’t tell you.

To make matters even worse for the unfortunate group of delinquents, Steve is mistaken as a new upcoming villain; apparently, some newb decided to be an anonymous entry to give themselves a sense of being an enigma and didn’t even fucking show up. (Killed in an accident before the con, what can you do?) So the most unfamiliar (and unique) face of the three of them just had to be who everybody was looking for. And to add onto this disastrous train wreck of a situation: he was expected to prevent an invention at a expo...that. very. night.

Needless to say, when they got into their suite, he started freaking the fuck out.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! I can’t do this shit!” “Well, it ain’t like you got a choice! Unless you wanna go out there and tell every villain from here to Timbuktu, we just civilians that got on the wrong ship.” “Yeah man. I’m down for a fight whenever, but uh, even I think that’s a little out of our skill sets.” “Oh okay, so what the hell am I suppose to do then?! I don’t have nothing!” “You were tinkering with something on the drive here, weren’t you? Use that!” “It doesn’t have a power source! Everything I’ve tried to use hasn’t been strong enough; from double A’s to a truck battery, nothing works.”

Upon hearing this, Vincent springs forth an idea.

“Well, we are on a ship filled with villains. I’m pretty sure one of them has to have something you can use.”

“Oh yeah, Vincent, let me walk up to one of these festering cesspools of villainy and horror; ask them for a cup of radioactive materials and see how well that goes over.”

“................Who says we have to ask?” “................Vincent, are you telling me you want to rob one of these heinous monsters?”

“Sure, why not?”

Outvoted, out of fucks to give and running out of time, Steve allowed Vincent to go and find a power source for him. Minutes turned into hours and hours ticked by till Steve found himself about to be thrust onto stage, nothing to his name and about to crap his pants. It’s in those few precious seconds that Vincent decides to grace them with his presence with a glowing, green crystal in hand; the TV head didn’t have time to question his friend as to why the hell it took him so long, what he had shoved in his hands before he was rushed on stage. He barely jammed the thing in there before he was in the spotlight...

To make a long story short, his invention; “The Iron Maiden Apparatus” was a massive hit to all the villains in attendance. Save for an unimpressed eye roll from one Black Hat, mind you. Upon exiting the stage, he is met with the enthusiastic chattering of Rodney and smug thumbs up of Vincent.

“Man, this stuff works great! Where’d you get it from?” “I found it when I parkoured up to a room, bout two stories up from us. I saw some green glow coming from a gun on the table and decided fuck it, pried it open and grabbed the crystal. Real weird thing was in there too; a big ass blue bear that had a daisy on its head. Almost pet it, but stopped myself just in time.”

“.......Steve, why you looking like you wanna cry?”

Sure enough, Black Hat was up next to present his latest invention and Steve felt like he’d gotten sucker punched in the gut. Immediately, he tried to take the device off his wrist to hide it, but the energy was so strong, that the clamps had melded together. And it didn’t take long for Black Hat to notice that his ray wasn’t doing what it was designed to do and immediately...pinned the blame on Flug, giving Steve the false hope that he’d get away with this. Unfortunately for him, the scientist wasn’t all that keen on getting mauled on his behalf and pointed out that their power source had been stolen by someone since the green aura was gone. The eldritch horror immediately turns to the gallery and demands that the thief made themselves known.

Everybody looked at one another for a few seconds, muttering before some little snitch goes:

“Hey, wasn’t the last guy’s invention glowing green?”

Steve hadn’t even waited around after Flug pointed out the power source was gone. Was out and running around the ship by the time it was pointed out. So his night was spent, running around to avoid Black Hat in all his otherworldly wrath while everybody else got a good night’s sleep.

As soon as the boat docked at Hannibal Island, the trio were the first ones off the boat and managed to hijack one of those luggage carts to make their getaway. Staying in town was a big no-no, so they ended up roughing it out in the jungle that surrounded the entire island. Steve, being the one that had initiated and bore the brunt of Black Hat’s ire, was rightfully panicked.

“Okay guys, stay calm. Stay calm. Don’t think about the fact we’re stuck in the middle of the ocean, no way off of it. Don’t think about the fact that the biggest villain in the world is after us. DON’T THINK ABOUT ANY OF THAT! STAY CALM! STAY CA-” THWACK!

“Thank you. I needed that.” “Anytime, buddy. Now we can focus on how we’re getting out of there.” "Ah, come on guys! What did we pledge to do before we went on this trip?" "Not die?" "Er, before that one." "Rodney, I don't see how we could POSSIBLY have fun with the situation we're in right now." "We can play a game: 'Find the way off the island'! First one to find something to get us out of here...wins!"

Steve is...flabbergasted for lack of a better word.

"That sounds like a terribl-" "One two three, go!" "I'm gonna beat you, Rodney!" "In your dreams, Vincent!" "......Those two will be the death of me. And probably today at that."

Deciding he had nothing better to do, Steve decides to start searching as well. Game aside, he knew they still needed a way off of the island and decided searching was better than sitting around like a passive waste. An hour, hour and a half goes by and he ends up in some reclusive river that's connected to the ocean...and finds- "A SWAMPBOAT? Here, of all place? ....Ah well. I ain't one to look a gift horse in the mouth." But the boat's battery is completely drained and the engine will backfire, but won't start. Plus it roars up noise like you wouldn't believe, so using it to escape incognito was a definite longshot...

Steve heads back the way he came to check and see if Vincent or Rodney were back yet...only to have the both of them ram into him at breakneck speed.

"Aaaah! What the hell is the matter with you dumbasses?! Why are you racing around like two bats out of hell?!" "Because I totally found something to get us off the island!" "Nu-uh! What I found is way better than what you found!" "Is not." "Is too." "Is not." "Is too." "Is not!" "IS TOO!" "Why am I friends with you two toddlers?"

Vincent presents first.

"Behold! The key to that gigantic cruiseliner we were on! I managed to sneak on board and snatch it; we can take the boat and leave whenever we want!" "Sooooo....you really expect no one to notice that the giant ship, which is the only way off of the island for all the villains mind you, is leaving port? And you expect that there are really no people on board? Like at all, Vincent?"

"Well, why not right?" "Step aside, loser. Check THIS out!" "Is....is that a toolbox?" "Yup." "..........How. Is a toolbox gonna help us?" "Because we've got you, silly! All you gotta do now is invent something to get us out of here." "You really overestimate just how much I can do sometimes, Rodney."

"Though in this case. You may have accidentally delivered our only chance of escape." "He did?" "I did? Yes! I won, I won, I won!" "Come on, I'll show you." So upon showing them to the swampboat, Steve gets to work actually examining everything. The hull is sound and doesn't have any cracks in it, so they won't sink out on the ocean. "Wow, all things considered, this...isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Hell, we'll be out of here come dawn if I really put my back into it!" "Yes! Nothing will stop us!" 

And on cue, a loud radio broadcast goes off that rings throughout the entire island: "IT's that time again, folks! Time for the fabulous all-you-can-eat buffet fit for a million tyrant dictators! And you could even end up winning this year's grand prize of secret service's evil lair design!"

Aaaaaand Vincent's stomach rumbles. ".......Nooooo." Aaaaand Rodney's stomach rumbles. "...Noooooo!" "LET'S EAT!" "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" When Steve's stomach rumbles, though, he knows it's all over. 

"Look, we check out the spread, eat a little bit, grab some doggy bags then bounce, alright?" "But what about the raffle?" "What about it?! We're not villains!" "Yeah, but we are about to get kicked out onto the street. What harm could it do to just enter?" "Gaaaaah, fine! Fine! Who cares at this point, do it!" "Yaaaaaaay!" 

So two of them go towards the buffet, the other towards the raffle. Somehow this split ended with them careening through the streets of the island on a flaming food server tray with peking duck still on it... Black Hat and his motley crew are right behind them in a golf cart that he stole from a caddy, so it's a pretty spectacular sight for sore eyes. Luckily, golf carts weren’t made to support a lizard chick, an eldritch horror, a scientist and a gigantic bear. It's what really gives the band of idiots the head start they need to get back to the swampboat and let Steve get it semi-operationable.

"Oh god, the battery is still dead! Gee, I can fucking go into town to gorge myself on fancy lobster, but I can be asked to bring the battery for a charge?! NOOOO!" "Wait! We do have the technology!"  "What are you on about, Vincent?"  "Remember that thing that got's Black Hat so mad at you in the first place? The one that's still attached to your wrist?"

"Are you telling me to hook my wrist up to a boat battery that's been festering in who knows how many bacteria for who knows how long until we get back to the mainland?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

"But...but the bacteria!" "Hey, does anybody else hear something that sounds like the piercing wails of a thousand forsaken souls or is that just me?" | "..............But the BACTERIA!"

Steve, very reluctantly, sticks his wrist onto dirty battery with a squeal of disgust and right as an angry Black Hat cuts down the trees hiding them, the boat takes off like a shot through the narrow river it was situated in. 

"This is so gross, I'm gonna need, like, fifteen tetanus shots when we're back home, guys!" "WEEEEEE HOOOOOO! We're going so fast!"

It's only when they get out to sea does Vincent get the brilliant idea of- "Let's be villains!" "What?!" "Yeah, let's do it!" "WHAT?!"

"Ah, come on, Steve! Let's face the facts, none of us are really any good at being, well, 'good'!" "Yeah, we don't even fit in the lawful neutral category that most people are in. Just last week, you and I set fire to a grocery store because the owner was a bitch!"

"YOU set fire to the store because the owner was a bitch. I cut the brakes out of her car while you were pouring gasoline inside the store, remember?" "EXACTLY! And being bad is AWESOME! They loved your invention too; imagine the dough we could wrack in if we were able to auction off your ideas!"

"But Black Hat-" "And it would get such a rise out of that smug motherfucker to have someone FINALLY go up against him in the black market business!" "Yeah! And he'll know that it'll all be because he couldn't catch us that ONE. TIME. Ah, so delicious I can almost taste it!"

"But...But...BUT! .........Ah, fuck it, why not?"

"Wait, really? Just like that?" "Yeah, I know. I should be kicking up a fuss right now, but....I guess I want some payback for him ruining our vacation too."

Thus, on a swampboat in the middle of the ocean at one in the morning, "Static Enterprises" was born!

[rachelspy6978-blog]

abby winters - Why I Hate Abby Winters Backstage

I knew I shouldn't be nervous. Mom helped me get it on my toenails without smearing. She seemed a little nervous and that made me nervous. By Friday after school, the butterflies in my stomach were in full flight. " "Dan and a few of the other asshole jocks tried to give us shit one day.

"I was curious," Mom started. He basically told Dan he'd rip off both of his balls if he spoke to us again. " Mom frowned, but I could tell she was amused as well. I couldn't keep the stupid grin off my face. His mother threatened to sue us until I pointed out her little angel was engaged in sexual harassment at the time you nut-checked him. " "I didn't know she called.

"God, don't hurt Dan again. "Do any of the kids at school have a problem with you and Sam being a couple? You remember the big catcher on the softball team? Mom and I sat in the living room while I put the dark blue polish on my fingernails. Don't let him goad you or Sam into doing anything tonight. Once she figured out he could get expelled for doing that, she dropped it.

" I worried that I might have gotten myself in more trouble than I thought if Dan's mother was calling around. I think he liked Sam until he figured out she was gay, but instead of being an asshole about it, he just became her good friend. "It wasn't important to tell you since she backed down, but that family is like a reality TV show. " Sam wasn't the only out girl in school, but she was the only one I liked.

They won't let anything happen to us. She finished with my toes and I rested my heels on the coffee table while my nails dried fully. The gay guys had a harder time than we did by a long shot, but I didn't want to worry Mom more by telling her that. Sam had asked if I could stay in her room after the dance, abby winters step aerobics but I wasn't sure if Dad would let me.

"Hey, would be okay if I stayed with Sam after the dance? Being out was a lot harder when I was in school and college. Mom flipped channels on the couch next to me, so I figured I'd give it a shot with her alone first. That way you guys wouldn't have to come get me since Joe can't go tonight. " "Yeah, but you let Sam stay over last weekend.

" "I won't," I promised. " I gave her my cutest grin. "You know what we would say if you were dating a guy. And I also told you to keep it quiet up there. " She gave me a blank look. "I had to keep your father distracted for about an hour. " I felt the heat burn right up my neck. " I couldn't believe she just told me that. " "We weren't that loud.

" "Yeah, but I don't want to hear about it. "How did you think you and Joe got here? " The idea made me shiver. " I hadn't considered that. " "And that's how your father feels about someone being with you. " "I was worried about that part of things. Not that I'm complaining. It must be as gross for him as it had been for me listening to Joe was going through a what's-her-name a week.

" Mom rolled her eyes and tilted her head to look at me. " I asked, still holding out hope. "So does that mean I can stay with Sam? " "How about I pack an overnight bag just in case. I put on thin, red cotton panties and matching bra. " Mom chuckled and shook her head. The red wasn't a perfect match to the red squares on the gingham top, but it was close enough.

" After my nails were dry, I hopped upstairs to pack and dress. My skinny jeans wouldn't go on the outside of the old brown boots, so I tucked them inside. "The softball team treats me like their little sister, especially Simon.

"I'll talk to your dad about it and let you know. I put on slightly more blush and eye shadow than I usually wore, but didn't over do it. Getting the boots on required laying back on the bed and pulling until straps nearly broke.

Sam and I had bought matching shades of red lipstick at the mall so we could kiss without anyone knowing from the mismatched smears of color. I had breasts now that filled the cups of my bra. Looking at myself in the mirror, I had to admit that Sam's drawing was Abby Winters Limo closer to reality than my own internal perspective. I teased my hair out a little with a hair dryer, spraying to keep it from falling back into its usual straight blonde lines.

My jeans were a touch too small, but they didn't give me a muffin top so I wore them anyway. I put on the red top and tied it off under my bra. " I turned to find Joe staring at me with wide eyes. " "You've gotta have fun for both of us tonight," he said when I pulled back.

"Who the hell are you and what have you done with my kid sister? The pretty woman looking back at me from the mirror barely resembled the person I expected to see. I smoothed away the mark of my lips with my thumb and smiled at his goofy embarrassed expression. " He shrugged and backed away.

" Dad did a double take when I walked down the stairs with my overnight bag. When I turned in the mirror, I had to admit my ass was working in those tight jeans. For a second I thought he was going to protest what I was wearing, but Mom had been there when we bought everything and had warned him about what we'd planned.

"I wish you could go, abby winters masturbating too. " I jumped in his arms to hug him tight and kiss his cheek, leaving red lip prints behind. My stomach was flat and smooth. " "Let's go," Mom said as she walked to the door. I gave him a quick hug while Mom got her purse and keys. " "And I wish I hadn't been a dumbass. " For Dad, that was effusive praise.

My stomach was flipping over from the nerves. The drive to school seemed to take forever. " "Hey, that reminds me. He visibly swallowed and nodded, then grumbled, "You look great. "All these years I dreamed someone like Mark would take me and now I'm going with Sam. I know we told Joe he couldn't have friends over while he was grounded, but it seems like something else is going on.

I don't even see them speak to each other in passing anymore. You'd have to ask him. Mom must have picked up on my anxiety. Even though I knew it would never work out between us, it still burned me that he'd lied. Yeah, things hadn't been normal for a couple of months. " "Do you know if Bethany is going tonight? " "I can't believe I'm going to my first dance," I laughed.

"Sounds like a good idea. Do you know what happened between Mark and Joe? " Mom glanced at me as if my tone had given something away. Mark was probably picking up Lydia. If she is, she'll probably be going with Collen. " "She's being stupid and won't listen to me. "I didn't mean to bring you down on your big night.

" "Is she sleeping with him? "Yeah," I said, knowing it would get back to her Mom. Mom just took a deep breath as she turned into the school loop. I'm not as nervous now," I said and gave her a thin smile. " My door opened and I looked up to see Sam holding out her hand to help me out of the car.

"You don't sound happy about that. "And you can stay here tonight, but I want you to call me when you go back to Sam's room so I know you're safe. " Sam shut the door and Mom pulled away. When I turned, Sam was staring at me like I was a luscious scoop of ice cream. " "I figured I'd wait until after Joe wasn't grounded anymore to see if things go back to normal first.

I gave her a quick kiss and said, "You do, too. "Thanks for everything. " "Have fun," Mom said as she pulled up to stop. "Good evening, Misses Larson," Sam said to Mom. " Sam walked me into a lunch room that had been transformed into a country barn, complete with bales of hay and paper on the walls painted to look like rough cut wood.

Country music blasted from the DJ's speakers and a few brave couples were on the dance floor. " "So you ready to cut a rug? "Sho 'nuff, sugar pants," I replied. "Have fun tonight, you two. " She was wearing Mom's boots, but otherwise looked like my darker, blue-banged twin. " she said, affecting a southern twang as she picked up my overnight back without comment.

" Sam tossed my overnight bag under a table near the dance floor. "Plus, it kept me from going crazy all afternoon. Simon helped me get that reddish-brown paper taped up, then I added streaks of red and black to make wood grain and knot holes. Tables were set up around the room with centerpieces made of red ribbon, green pine needles, and battery powered tea lights which gave the dark room an intimate glow.

" I realized then she'd been just as nervous as I'd been. You've got to try the brisket. " "I painted the walls. "What part did you do? " We nibbled as we wandered around talking to people. Some hadn't heard we were going out, but I discovered it was fun to watch their reactions when I told them Sam was my girlfriend. I tried to let Sam lead, but she didn't know what she was doing either.

We ended up just swaying to the music. While we were swaying together later in the evening, I caught Mark giving me a pained look over Lydia's shoulder. "They catered in barbeque. "Would you stop staring at her? We even took a few turns on the dance floor. I just shut my eyes and squeezed Sam tighter. It also escaped the notice of the chaperones who would have broken us up if they'd seen.

Sam pulled back to see what Lydia was yelling about. She was a trained singer after all, so it was no surprise she could make herself heard. " I heard Lydia's shrill voice cutting through the music. I knew he was lying because I knew he'd been staring at me. " I tugged at Sam's arm to lead her off the dance floor. I opened my eyes to find Lydia and Mark squared off in the middle of the dance floor.

"I wasn't staring at anyone," Mark lied. " "Your brother's best friend? " I just nodded as we got back to our seats. She kissed my neck under my hair, which made me giggle. " I squeezed her hand as she pulled me to the refreshments table. " she whispered in my ear as we went. I really didn't want to have that particular discussion in the middle of the school dance, but I wouldn't lie to her. He must not have groveled enough, because she jerked her arm away from him and stalked towards our table.

Mark tried to calm Lydia and move her off the dance floor, but she wasn't having it. Sam stood before Lydia could get close and raised her arms like she wasn't going to let Lydia get past her. Thankfully, the music drowned out their voices so I didn't have to hear what she was saying about him or me.

"I already have everything I want. "You can have him," Lydia shouted over Sam's shoulder at me. I took a big drink of my soda while Sam kept her eyes on the fight. "No thanks," I said as I stood up and put my arms around Sam from behind.

Mark looked between me and Lydia, then ran to follow Lydia out the door. She stormed off and hit the exit bar with both hands, making the door to the parking lot clank loudly. " "Whatever your problem is," Sam growled, "It doesn't involve us.

"Sorry," I murmured to Sam. " Lydia looked like she wanted to say something else, but was thrown off by our response. "You didn't do anything. " Her face was clouded as she glared at the closed door they'd gone through. "Do you want to talk about it? Talking about it would only ruin our night.

Sam pulled me back to our seats and kept her arm around my shoulders. I was stupid and naive to ever believe him. "Let's go get our picture taken! "I couldn't see why you were so fixated on her, but I'm starting to figure it out. " I glanced around and spotted the photographer was free for the first time since I'd arrived.

The guy who was taking the pictures looked to be college age, but had a professional looking camera and large light defusers. I had to admit a teeny-tiny part of me wanted him to pick me for once, even if I just turned him down afterwards.

" Sam grinned and pulled me to my feet. We skipped over to the set where other couples had been lined up all night to have their picture taken. We gave our names together while trying to get comfortable on that scratchy bale of hay. " Sam asked with a big grin.

They sat on a hay bale in front of a painted backdrop of a wooden fence and fields. Sam put her arm around my waist and hooked a finger in my belt loop. I leaned into her and smiled as the guy lined up the shot. "Yeah, what are your names so I can tag you," he said as he grabbed a tablet. Just before he took the picture, I turned and kissed Sam's cheek, keeping my lips there until the shutter snapped.

It felt wonderful to be protected and accepted. She had an odd look on her face as she studied my eyes. That made the guy laugh and shake his head. "Go on and kiss her if you want to, I don't care. None of the abby winters.com winters backstage chaperones had noticed. We held the pose as our lips moved against each other. " I laughed and kissed her with as much passion as I felt.

" I took that as permission and turned Sam in my arms. Sam thanked the photographer before answering with a wry smile. "A secret from my parents. " "What was it before? "Well, now it's official. " I pulled her back to the dance floor.

It felt so right in her arms. Sam squeezed me just as tightly until a fast song came on, then we made our way back to our table. I had just taken a sip of my soda when I spotted Sophie headed our way with Dan following along wearing a sour look on his face. The camera kept snapping until we parted from laughing too hard.

"Can you take our picture? There was couple that was made for each other. I pressed our breasts together and hummed the tunes in her ear. We clung to each other through the slow love songs. She was a viper and I wouldn't give her or Dan any more ammunition.

"I see you couldn't hang on to Mark either," Sophie said with bitter bite. Sam touched my cheek with a broad grin. "I don't know what you're talking about. "I knew something was going on between you two. I nudged Sam and indicated their approach with my chin.

" I asked like I was confused. " "Well, he's not much of a guy," Sophie said with a roll of her eyes while Dan laughed like it was funny. "I don't know if you noticed, but I'm not really into guys. " Sam said as she jumped into the conversation at last. " The lie slipped out easily.

"Look, I don't care what you think you know or don't know—" Simon walked up at that moment and dropped a firm hand on Dan's shoulder. Sophie raised an eyebrow at her. "Dan, I believe we've talked about you bothering Sam and Steph before. "Last warning," Simon said as he pushed Dan, but Sophie jerked her arm away.

I had to bite my tongue to keep from correcting her. " "Fuck," Dan muttered as he took Sophie's arm and tried to pull her away. He had his arms crossed and was frowning at Sam and I. He looked down at Sophie with an amused smirk. "Who the hell do you think you are? " she yelled at Simon.

" Sophie glanced at Dan as if for support. Simon was taller and wider than all of us. "And Lydia confirmed it tonight. " When I nodded, she reached under the table for my overnight bag. We walked hand-in-hand to the stairwell that led up to her room. "I'm the guy who's gonna rip Dan's balls off if you don't leave my friends alone.

"Thanks, Simon," Sam chuckled as she clapped him on his shoulder. "Me, too," I said, feeling more nervous than I expected. As she led me upstairs, I felt the warmth building in my stomach. "On that note, how about we call it a night? "I had fun," Sam said as she opened the door to her room. Despite the drama, I'd had a great time at the dance with Sam. She slipped her shirt off and dropped it to the floor, leaving her lace bra open for inspection.

"I need to call Mom real quick," I whispered and headed to her room phone. "We finished dancing and are up in Sam's room. She dropped my overnight bag on the bed and began to untie her shirt with a sultry expression. She kept undressing, never taking her eyes off me. We didn't have to sneak into her room this time because most of the staff had gone home or was chaperoning the dance.

" Sophie looked like she had a mouthful of bees when Dan dragged her off. " "Oh, we're not finished by a long shot," Sam whispered, but I think Mom heard her anyway. When Mom answered, I nearly forgot how to talk. "Is Sam distracting you? "Yes, nine," Mom chuckled. When she lowered the zipper, I saw she wasn't wearing any underwear. " I watched Sam unbutton her jeans with her lower lip pinched between her teeth.

Then she palmed her breasts and tweaked her nipples until they stood out. "I'll be by to get you around nine, so don't stay up all night. For some reason, knowing she had been commando under her jeans all night had me ready to purr. "Uh-huh," Mom said with a smile in her voice. Sam toed off her boots before pushing her jeans down. " "I'll let you go, then. " Mom was still chuckling when she hung up.

We were grinning at each other the whole time. " "Nine," I repeated tonelessly as Sam's bra dropped from her fingertips. And when I sucked her soft skin into my mouth, her hands went down to pull my hips into hers. While I raced to catch up, she came to help me with my buttons and zippers.

"No, I like you a little salty," I said. Her mouth wasn't salty, but I could taste hints of her soda and barbeque sauce when my tongue slipped inside. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard," Sam whispered as she let me lick along her neck. She gripped my hair to force my head back so she could lick my neck in return.

I couldn't stop the whimper I made when she stopped to suck along abby winters limo my shoulder. The words made me shiver in her arms. "You're right," she whispered against the wet skin. She was salty where I kissed my way abby winters.com abbie winters step aerobics to her earlobe. "I like it when you're a little salty. " Then she pushed me back until I fell on her bed with a giggle. "So come and have a taste.

The skin of my arms and legs broke into prickles as waves of pleasure rolled over my body. I felt the tickle of her soft hairs against my bare mons. "Do you mind if I try something? " I ran my fingertips up my opening thighs and slipped them through my wet slit. " When she stepped close enough, she grabbed my hand and brought them up to her lips.

She pulled out a pink wand with a rounded tip. Before Sam climbed into the narrow bed with me, she opened the draw of her night stand. " she asked with a nervous smile. " "Finally, something I can teach you! Then she sucked my fingers while her eyes never left mine. She hummed and tasted me back while our nipples rubbed together. " Sam giggled as she got into bed. I sat up on my elbows when Sam removed it from her mouth.

"I trust you," I whispered as I turned to make room on the bed for us both. She sucked on it some more while I moved my legs open in preparation. "I've never used one of those before. "Oh my God," I groaned as she penetrated me slowly. I knew what Mark had felt like, but the pink wand was thinner and longer than he had been. It was cold and hard, but filled me up with a vibrating sensation that went up to my stomach.

"Oh, I like fucking you," Sam whispered as she moved the wand inside me. I couldn't move beyond the quivering that gripped me. My eyes shut on their own as my head rolled back. When she slipped it between her lips to wet it, I knew what it was. The buzzing got louder as she moved the tip toward me. The first touch made me gasp. When she bent to take my nipple into her hot mouth, I cried out and pushed against her strokes.

She probed deeper inside me and hit that magical spot with the blunt tip. I was lost in the kiss and orgasm for what seemed like hours. Her mouth caught my scream as the buzzing toy pushed me over and held me there. It pulled the heat from deep inside and brought me to the edge in an instant. She fucked me gently at first, then with firmer strokes.

" Sam asked with an evil grin. "There," I gasped and gripped the sheets. " She moved up to kiss me as I reached the edge. Then she eased it out of me and I sighed in relief as the orgasm passed as tremors.