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reidmania · 3 months ago

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you're my best friend | spencer reid

summary; you tell spencer he is your best friend to you its a indication of more to him its rejection.

warnings; best friends to lovers expect they dont make it to lovers whoops, angst whoops again, i think all lovers should be best friends, (un) requited feelings (ur both idiots) its short and honestly i dont remember writing this, mentions of dating other people but like whatever

an; yk that line in ‘you are in love’ by taylor swift thats like pauses, then say, you’re my best friend, and you knew what it was, he is in love? thats what gave me this idea im also just really fucking sad tonight and i miss my ex idk im also trynna be aesthetic am i aesthetic

any other night you wouldn't of cared to notice the way the streetlights blarred through the raindrops on the window or how the dark clouds lined the sky covering every showing star in their path. you wouldn't have noticed any of that if you weren't so focused on beiing focused on anything else.

anything other than spencer reid who was sitting beside you, driving you home. the case you had just got back from was long and angonizing. it was a complete pain to get through and it wasn't a secret that the entirety of the team were all ready to get home to their families and their own beds.

so, you weren't exactly estatic when remembering you hadn't driven to the office a week ago after being called in for the case, you were instead dropped off by your friend after the two of you needed to talk.

so you were car-less, and tired.

spencer reid, your best friend and possibly the nicest person on earth offered to drive you home without a second thought. even though he was equally as tired and ready to curl up into his own bed, he said he would drive you home and then refused to listen to any argument about it.

"are you okay" your head snapped towards the sound of his voice, his eyes glancing between you and the road, obviously noticing the rather disorientated look covering your features as you stared out the windshield.

you nodded, eyebrows furrowing. "yeah- yeah im just tired" it wasn't a lie, you were tired. you were also insanely confused about the feelings weighing on your chest everytime your eyes lingered on his for a moment too long.

he hummed, eyes returning to the road. you took that as your chance to look back at his face, bad idea.

your eyes danced over the curve of his nose and the line of his jawline and then the softness of his eyes, the flutter of his eyelashes every time he blinked or squinted at the bright lights of the road. you studied every indent over the soft skin of his cheeks and cheekbones that you could see from his side profile and your stomach warmed.

you turned your head away when that feeling returned, the one you were hyperaware of. it made your stomach feel as if it was burning a hole in itself, your heart ache and flutter at once and your head spin with the fact that it was wrong. so wrong.

“how’s ethan” he asked, his eyes remaining set on the road as he voice remained soft and quiet, like it seemed to always be when he spoke to you.

your eyes widened for a brief moment of the guy you had been, half kind of dating — if you could even call it that. you had been on a few dates. ethan worked at the coffee shop not to far from the bullpen, and asked you out two weeks ago. being surrounded by derek, emily and spencer didn’t exactly help the overwhelming expectation that fell on your shoulders in that moment.

derek answered for you, actually, in that moment. he had said you’d love to, and then teased you the entire way back to the bullpen after getting your coffee and you didn’t have the heart to pull out of the date, it wasn’t actually that bad — there was just something not right.

the more you hung out with ethan the more you realised there wasn’t actually anything wrong with him, he was nice, respectful, he made you laugh and you could talk easily. he was nothing short of a gentleman.

it was just, every-time the two of you had a conversation you waited for a absentmindedly long ramble about something random or a correction on one of something you pointed , and it never came. you waited for doctor who to be brought up and it never was. the movies you watched with ethan were rom coms and chick flics, or comedy’s rather than documentaries, or science films, or films in other languages that you had to rely on subtitles for.

he wasn’t spencer.

that was the only issue, and that why you had broken off with him before you went on this case, actually you had just finished breaking it off with him when you got the call which was why you were car-less since he had dropped you off.

you couldn’t in good conscience keep hanging around ethan after realising you had feelings for your best friend. you told him the truth and how understanding and respectful he was about it only made the guilt build deeper in your ribcage.

“i broke it off” you told spencer honestly. you wouldn’t lie or play it off there was no point in that. spencer would find out eventually you just wished that being honest didn’t mean it would come with questions.

his eyebrows furrowed for a moment, as his eyes flickered between the road and your face for a moment, you kept your gaze to the ground of the car, focusing on the carpeted floor rather than the feelings that swarmed in your chest that you honestly wished would just swallow you whole and get you as far away from actually feeling them.

“why? did he do something?” it was curious and gentle, like he was genuinely worried that this guy had done something that had hurt you — and it made your chest ache painfully, you genuinely felt physical chest pain at the sound of his words as they processed through your mind.

you shook your head quickly anyways, “no, he was.. good, great.. i just— didn’t feel it, y’know?” you huffed out, eyes still refusing to meet his. you were scared if you did that the confession would come blabbering pass your lips without a second thought because you were so use to telling him everything.

he let out a sigh of relief, glad that you weren’t upset or that this guy hadn’t done anything to hurt you. “i get it” he replied, his voice was gentle and careful. you wondered if he genuinely did — he always seemed to have a power of just reading your mind yet this time you were almost sure that wouldn’t be the case.

the car was pulling into park out side the front of your house moments later, and you felt a sort of sick feeling in your stomach. one that was indescribable to a t. the sort of feeling that left a bad taste in the back of your throat and made your stomach twist, the sort that left goosebumps trailing down your arms and the hairs stand on the back of your neck.

he said your name so quietly as if he had something important he needed to say. for the first time that car ride, since you had left the bau you met his eyes and every emotion you had pushed down into the darkest part of yourself bubbled all up to the surface again.

his eyebrows were furrowed as if he was trying to debate something, lips parted then closed in indecision, before he let out a half shaky breath, his eyes studying your features like yours to his. you felt your stomach twist.

“i need to tell you-“

you cut him off and you didn’t even mean to, “you’re my best friend, spencer.” that was all you said.

and honestly it held so much weight to you it almost felt like a confession in itself, he was your best friend, he was your person. he knew you better then you knew yourself, he knew you better than anyone ever would, he memories every scar on your skin, every little thing that effected you in a way that differed from others, spencer knew you, you loved him and he was your best friend

he was your best friend in a, i want you in my life forever kind of way. i want you by my side no matter what life throws at us, i want to know that no matter what happens you remain a constant.

you needed him to remain constant.

his lips closed at your words, eyebrows furrowing a little deeper to the point the skin between the crinkled slightly. there was a flicker of something in his eyes that you would’ve noticed if he hadn’t pushed it away before you could.

“you’re my best friend too.” he breathed out.

to spencer, you were the sun. everything obits you and your existence, he would give anything to be a planet that was blessed enough to be in your orbit. if he got a glimpse of you throughout the day his heart would remain beating properly in his chest and his feelings would remain a little lighter on his mind, you were calming, you were his safe place. you were his favourite part of everyday.

you were the one thing that kept him from falling apart half the time. you were his best friend and he was in love with you, so in love with you that he shut his mouth every time you went on a date with a different guy, because if you were happy and he got to keep you as a part of his life he wouldn’t beg for different.

you were his best friend and so he pretended like his heart didn’t hurt so impossibly much when you came to him when those said dates didn’t work out or ended badly and you rambled about how you thought there was something wrong with you, because how could you think that when to him the entire solar system fought to be in your orbit?

if you hadn’t cut him off he would’ve told you all of that.

instead he watched you wave him goodbye as you walked back into your house, a weight on his chest, at the words left unsaid that danced on his tongue behind his closed lips. ‘you’re my best friend’

his mind replayed the words with the reminder that that was all he would be to you, that was all he could be and he wanted to fight it and pull back and tell you exactly how he felt and the deepness his feelings fell to,

but then again at least this way he meant something to you.

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ifwdominicfike · 5 days ago

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you try to get guitarist!matt to listen to one taylor swift song since he apparently “hates” her music

── .✦. ──

“matt im telling you, one song wouldn’t hurt you. or are you just too scared you’ll like it?” you felt the chillest breeze outside and decided to play folklore on repeat because who wouldn’t? anyway, matt was fed up with hearing about “some girl complaining about her failed relationships” but you couldn’t care less.

“sweetheart, it’s literally just the same song but about a different guy. she’s too overplayed i don’t get how you like that shit” he scoffs, making his way around the couch. “everyone says that though, you’ve only heard her pop songs that why — her other songs are masterpieces. all of her lyrics are basically me.” you sarcastically say — but not really.

as he sits down on the cushion you scoot your way over to him, laying your head on his shoulder. “pleaseee just one song? i promise you’ll like it, well hopefully i dont know.” you ask with a smile, he lets out a sigh and finally agrees. “yeah sure come on, show me this song then sweetheart.”

you now have the biggest smile on your face and get up from your comfortable position, and turn to make your way to your shared room to grab headphones “wait here” you excitedly say, as if he would vanish the second you were gone.

when you came back with the black bulky headphones he was already looking your way, smiling at your excited state. “this better be good if you’re this happy about this, if i don’t like the song and its some girly girl pop shit, m’clowning your ass for it.” he jokes when putting on the headphones and adjusting them, you were a little nervous — it was obviously something he would never in a million years listen to on his own but he always shows you his music so whats the worst that can happen ?

you figured why not something from your favorite album of hers, folklore. you were going through the tracklist trying to figure out which song until you were pulled out of your thoughts by matt groaning. “come on sweetheart, m’falling asleep over here” he fakes yawns and rubs at his eyes. “shush i have the song ready, now listen its my favorite!”

you click on the song and look up at him to watch his reaction, you obviously can’t hear the music but you already know how it goes “i’ve been having a hard time adjusting, i had the shiniest wheels now they’re rusting.”

as the song continues to play you can see matt swaying a little, you smile when you notice the amusement on his face. the bridge of the song starts up and he stops all movement, listening carefully as the lyrics spew into his ears. he looks over at you in disbelief, jaw dropped as the song now fades out and he’s slipping off the headphones.

“sweetheart thats you’re favorite song?” he says sniffling “well y-yeah? why is it bad?” you ask confused “no, not at all- s’just really fucking sad” he said chuckles before pulling you into a hug “if y’think thats sad then i need to show you more”

“her music s’not that bad i guess..” he says sarcastically “matt please- you were damn near crying i don’t wanna hear it.”

- avery’s note ˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆｡-

i love folklore. i AM folklore. anywayyy new blurb!!! im so happyyyy i finally finished ONE of my drafts 😭😭

wait omg i forgot to tag you @bluestriips ik you like guitarist!matt !!

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - @ellaapsworld @chrissv4mp @jetaimevous @mattsbrowser @submattenthusiast @flouvela @sturniolosiphone @chrislova @sophand4n4 @mattsfavoritestar @mattslolita @y3sterdaysproblem @strnilolover @cayleeuhithinknott

#— ⋆ ˚｡ writings .ᐟ ꩜#guitarist!matt ♪ ༘⋆#matt sturniolo blurb #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo angst #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo

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meiieiri · 1 year ago

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STOLEN MOMENTS WITH THEM [FT. JUJUTSU KAISEN]

❁—CHARACTERS: suguru geto, gojo satoru, nanami kento

warnings: suggestive themes in gojo’s part (bc why not haha), mentions of canon-typical violence

a/n: i’m so sorry for all this tooth-rotting fluff, i’m sad rn so hehe :’>> song inspo: you are in love (taylor swift). am accepting requests/prompts btw, just shoot me a message-

༊*·˚ SUGURU GETO

winter afternoons cooped inside your one bedroom apartment are always special days, commonly consisting of freshly-brewed piping hot tea sitting peacefully on your small living room side table, a good book, and the warmth of a knitted throw blanket. snowflakes fall entrancingly from the sky and make a feather-like landing on the glass windows that peek into your home.

suguru geto was lounging silently on the couch with you, your head on his strong lap as he gently combs his fingers through your hair, a leather bound book in his free hand, his eyes leisurely skimming the yellowed pages trying to make sense of the decadent shakespearean sonnets that liken love to that of honey and flowers. you were just about to fall asleep when suguru’s melodic baritone caresses your ear.

“don’t you think he’s so full of shit?” he asks suddenly. how could one speak with such vulgar words and still make it sound like poetry?

“shakespeare?” you sit up and you readjust yourselves so that you can rest your head on his shoulder, peeking over it to inspect sonnet 55. his arms comes up to pull you closer to him, tucking you into the warmth of his chest in a bid to keep you warm. “i thought you liked his work,” you take the offending book into your hands, scanning through the words.

“i do,” he clarifies, tracing shapes on your shoulder, his cheek resting against the top of your head as he waits for you to finish reading through the passage.

when you look up from the book, you are surprised when his lips abruptly yet softly meet yours in a loving peck. his hand moves to cup your cheek as he deepens the kiss, your lips moving together in a perpetual waltz, your heartbeats in total sync. you thought the kiss would last forever, and you and suguru wouldn’t give a flying fuck, but he pulls away teasingly, his forehead resting against your own, his nose lovingly bumping yours as you both come down from your respective highs.

“not as much as i like you, though.”

you shake your head, rose blush tinting your cheeks, hopelessly in love. he truly was the light of your life, the lighthouse that brings you to safe waters.

༊*·˚ GOJO SATORU

despite the horrors that have long plagued the grounds of jujutsu tech, the school, being tucked away in a remote location deep in tokyo’s forgotten countryside, was actually quite beautiful. the backdrop of the tall cedar-wood and red maple trees in the forest adjacent to the teachers’ dormitories that served as a protective cover from unwanted prying eyes is a particularly wonderful sight and in an autumn evening such as this one, emitted a fresh aroma of sweet cherries and almonds.

“i was wondering where you were,” gojo satoru walks in the teachers lounge just as the electric kettle automatically switches off. he woke up in a panic when he noticed you’d gone missing, your side of the bed having lost all its warmth, indicating you must have been out of bed for a good while now. it didn’t help his nerves to see your bedstand digital clock display the time: 1:58 AM in bright neon green on its screen.

he moves behind you, his strong arms wrapping around your dainty figure as you busy yourself pouring the boiling hot water into the two instant ramen cups you had prepared. “that for me?”

“nope,” you shrug. “it’s for nanami.”

that was obviously a lie — he looks at the label of the ramen cup and scoffs when he sees the indicated flavor: seafood curry, his favorite, now, if that wasn’t enough to convince him, he has to remind himself that his adorable blonde junior hates instant crap like this. but still, you found it endearingly funny to see your husband pouting like some kicked dog when you push past him to bring the two cups over to the nearby dining table. “i’m kidding,” you chortle, beckoning him to join you.

“you meanie,” he sticks out his bottom lip as he follows you to the table. he sits down, his elbows resting on the table as his hands come up to cradle his chin, mirroring the image of a child who’d been told “no” by his parent. “i think i want a divorce now,” he sulks.

you feign guilt, playing along with him. you stand up to take a seat next to him. “i’m sorry, baby,” you tell him. he only responds by pointing to his cheek, silently telling you to “kiss it better” if you really were sincere in your apology. you reach up to place a loving kiss on his cheek and a smile spreads across his lips. “better?” you chuckle when he lets out an amused breath.

having made peace, you move to retrieve your cup of ramen when without warning, he pulls you by the hand, crashing his lips against yours in a passionate kiss, his teeth needily sucking at your bottom lip, the heat of the kiss seemingly warming up the entire room that had been filled with the chill of the autumn night breeze. your arms move to rest on his shoulders, as he effortlessly pulls you into his lap, his hands resting on the small of your back. it’s only when you need to take a steadying breath of air that he breaks the kiss.

“all better,” he winks, the ramen having gone cold, utterly forgotten, as the night peacefully went on.

༊*·˚ NANAMI KENTO

“i knew i should have brought an umbrella,” nanami kento sheepishly rubs the back of his head.

“i’m sorry,” his shoulders slump when a low rumble of a thunderclap suddenly goes off, lightning illuminating the sky in a brilliant glow. the date had gone so well — you visited the best art galleries in tokyo, even saw a performance at one of those cozy hidden gem jazz clubs — kento had thought that his luck would hold out ‘till you got home.

but the universe seems to have decided otherwise. now, here you were taking shelter, stranded under the fiberglass roof of a deserted bus stop’s waiting shed. “kento,” your gentle voice quells the dread in his chest, chipping away at the block of anxiety forming in his throat. “it’s okay,” you scoot over, patting the spot next to you, silently telling him to sit down.

reluctantly, he takes a seat, keeping himself at a reasonable distance from you, thinking that you would, at the very least, be upset at him for this slight mishap. “sorry,” he repeats the apology like a broken record, and a compassionate smile forms on your lips.

you slowly scoot on over next to him, closing the gap between the two of you, your pinky finger reaching for his own, as if you were asking for permission. kento notices the gesture instantly, and takes your hand in his, his thumb rubbing your knuckles comfortingly. “…today was fun, kento,” you tell him, a genuine grin on your face, “seriously. what’s a little rain?”

a burden seems to have been lifted from his shoulders. kento nanami was not a man who put much value into love, with how dangerous his profession is, fighting the lurking malevolence hiding in the world’s darkest shadows, he didn’t have time for the childishness of falling in and out of love. it was inconvenient, and troublesome.

at least, that’s what he used to believe before you came crashing into his life and touched the heartstrings he has long resigned to keep under lock and key with your delicate hands.

he silently takes off his overcoat then to wrap it around your shoulders like the gentleman he was (he wasn’t about to let the love of his life get drenched in the rain), resisting the urge to grin when he sees just how small you look in it. the next few minutes pass by in absolute silence, the sound of your breaths being the only conceivable sound for a long while.

“…i’m glad you had fun,” he looks up at the stormy sky again. “i did, too.”

“next time, let’s be sure to check the weather forecast ahead of time,” you giggle. he joins your laughter, bringing your hand to his lips, his warm breath tickling your skin, as he lets his lips touch your flesh in a quintessentially classic affectionate kiss on the back of your hand like they do in those vintage hollywood movies. he tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “i know how much you hate the rain.”

“…i think i can make an exception,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

the decibels of his tenor fight against the loud pitter patter of raindrops crash landing on the fiberglass roof of the waiting shed. but you hear his lyrical confession of love anyway, with your heart’s ear perhaps.

“i have the sun with me all the time, anyway,” kento says, planting a soft kiss on your forehead as the rain washes the remnants of his old world away.

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lizpottersworld · 1 month ago

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. ۫ ꣑ৎ . NEVER MIND. .

summary: not everything lasts forever, something you hadn’t thought about until your boyfriend decided that for you. (james potter x reader) loml by taylor swift

angst, sad

request/ask here

you and james we’re always a questionable coupling from the beginning. james known to be someone who doesn’t settle, and you, someone who kept to themselves and wasn’t one to talk to anyone but close friends. everyone was shocked when you two started holding hands through the hallways.

that shock soon wore down and the students of hogwarts had become quite accustomed to the occurrence of you two giggling and kissing through the Hogwarts corridors.

everyone called it the honeymoon phase, clueless onlookers james had insisted on calling them. they didn’t know how you two worked, and to some degree you agreed. but then again, that was your first relationship.

before you and james had became a couple you were talking to the only boy who openly showed interest in you, so when james blew in with the winds of fate you immediately took interest. he was the most popular guy in hogwarts. he had said you changed his life, rewritten the way he saw everything, told you you were his everything, the love of his life. called your love legendary.

you never expected it to end the way it did, i mean at first you thought it was normality. so what he would ignore you at some parties? he was just busy. okay, and he complained about you being clingy to his friends? it was just a joke.

what you thought was for all time was secondary. i mean he told you you were the love of his life. the only love he couldn’t fathom as he explained it, over and over he would call it.

as more time went on, you left hogwarts, moved into together and he was rarely ever home. always at work. but when he came home with a sweet perfume that you recognised not to be yours, a faint rubbed red tint around his lips that you knew you didn’t give him, it all clicked.

all these dinner table talks about marriage and children, it was all empty promises. when he said he wasn’t ready. don’t worry it takes time james is what you would always say. but you were the love of his life, so why wouldn’t it happen eventually.

never before had you felt this pain, i mean its not every day you have an inkling your first boyfriends cheating on you. ill never leave he repeatedly told you as you laid broken in your bed, the bed he had undoubtedly dreamt about another women in. never mind you told yourself as he walked in the door with a lipstick mark on his neck hardly covered by a new scarf the day after your parents had passed.

truthly your love for him never was quite buried, you still stayed for a few months after. no one told you about his affair, even if your mutual friends were completely aware of it, no truth just more lies. all you felt was second hand embarrassment, they knew you knew and yet you stayed.

the idea of heaven and this beautiful love he had teased you with, only for it to turn out to be anyones idea of hell.

but how were you to call him a coward? you also cowardly let it happen, stood and watched him walk all over your heart. combing through all the braids of lies that you willingly let him feed you.

and to mourn someone who had never really been there was the hardest, especially when you finally had the courage to leave. emotionally he never really was present in your relationship, always lingering on another women rather than the extraordinary girl he had waiting for him at home. yet, it was over so suddenly. he didn’t seem to care, he didn’t mourn.

in your mind, sure you felt lonely but at least you weren’t alone anymore. it was legendary. it was momentarily. it was unnecessary.

yet, he was still the loss of your life.

#marauders #marauders era #marauders imagine #marauders x reader #james potter #james potter sad imagine #james potter x you #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #james potter angst

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girlkisser13 · 4 months ago

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labyrinth

"uh-oh, i'm falling in love" "oh no, i'm falling in love again" "oh, i'm falling in love"

pairings: klaus mikaelson x vampire fem!reader

warnings/tags: none. purely fluff.

summary: a certain original hybrid fancies you.

mystic falls was as serene as ever, the quiet streets lined with quaint houses and lush greenery. the town held a charm that masked the supernatural undercurrent simmering beneath its surface. klaus found himself drawn to this place once again, a mix of nostalgia and unfinished business pulling him back. he hadn’t planned on staying long— until he met you.

at the mystic grill, the familiar clinking of glasses and murmurs of conversation filled the air. klaus settled into a corner booth, his gaze sweeping over the patrons until it landed on you.

you were sitting alone at the bar, your hair framing your face, your expression distant. there was a sadness about you that intrigued him, a pain he recognized all too well.

you felt his gaze on you before you saw him. you turned, and your eyes locked. for a moment, the world fell away. klaus mikaelson, the infamous hybrid, was looking at you with an intensity that made your heart clench. you turned back to your drink, willing yourself to remain unaffected.

klaus approached you with a confident stride, taking the seat next to you. "i couldn't help but notice you from across the room," he said, his voice a smooth blend of charm and danger.

you arched an eyebrow, your guard up. "and now you've come to make your move?" you asked, your tone icy.

klaus chuckled softly. "i assure you, love, my intentions are not what you think. i merely wanted to introduce myself. my name is klaus."

"i know who you are," you replied. "and i'm not interested."

"fair enough," he said, unperturbed. "but perhaps you'd allow me to buy you another drink?"

you hesitated, then nodded reluctantly. "one drink," you agreed. "and then you leave me alone."

as the evening wore on, klaus found himself more and more intrigued by you. you were a mystery wrapped in pain, and he was determined to uncover your secrets.

you found yourself reluctantly drawn to klaus. there was a sincerity in his eyes that you hadn't expected, a depth that spoke of centuries of experiences.

days turned into weeks, and klaus' persistence never wavered. he showed up at the mystic grill every evening, always with a new story about his siblings or a small gesture that chipped away at your defenses. he took you on walks through the town, shared the secrets of his past, and listened when you spoke of your own heartbreak.

you had been hurt before, abandoned by a lover who had promised you eternity but left when the weight of forever became too much. you had sworn never to open your heart again, but klaus was different. he saw you for who you were, broken pieces and all, and he didn't flinch.

one evening, as the two of you walked through the deserted streets of mystic falls, klaus turned to you. "y/n, i know that you are afraid. but i am not him. i'm not going anywhere."

you stopped, looking at him with tears shimmering in your eyes. "how can i believe you, klaus? how do i know you won't leave?"

he took your hands in his, his grip firm and reassuring. "because i've lived a thousand years searching for something real. and now that i've found you, i'm not letting go. i promise you, y/n, my intentions are pure. i will spend the rest of eternity proving it to you if i must."

your heart ached at the weight of his words. you wanted to believe him, more than anything. "you're saying you fancy me?" you asked in a teasing manner, your tone hiding the vulnerability in your heart.

klaus's eyes softened. "more than fancy, love. i care for you deeply. and i think, despite everything, you feel the same."

you hesitated, your walls wavering. "i do," you admitted, your voice trembling. "but i'm scared."

klaus leaned in, his lips brushing yours in a tender kiss. "we'll face that fear together," he vowed. "you have my word."

in that moment, you let yourself believe. for the first time in a long time, you felt hope. and as you both stood together under the moonlit sky of mystic falls, you knew that maybe, just maybe, you had found your forever in klaus mikaelson.

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vivwritesfics · 1 year ago

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Hello love your writing btw. I was wondering if you could write a one shot or blurb about the reader and Daniel Ricciardo (maybe if you're willing Carlos Sainz) just relaxing swaying in the kitchen while they cook dancing and laughing to Sway by Michael Buble while it's dark cold and rainy outside.

Dancing In The Dark - DR3

Have you ever been so in love that your entire lives are intertwined? Like, shared house, shared cooking, shared cleaning, shared playlists?

That's how in love Y/N L/N was with Daniel Ricciardo.

When he wasn't travelling the world, they did everything together.

They cooked together most every night, Y/N preparing vegetables or the meat or whatever went in the dinner while Danny took care of the rice or spaghetti or whatever they might have had in the oven.

They had their music playing as they cooked, their playlist coming out of the speaker system. Danny danced as he waited by the stove or the oven and Y/N shook her body gently as she chopped and prepared.

Taylor Swift was playing, a song that Danny had added to their playlist. Danny stepped away from the oven and walked over to the girlfriend. He took her hand, putting down her knife, and turned her around. Placing her arms around his neck, Daniel swayed from side to side.

With her head on his shoulder, Y/N looked up at him as he moved them. "Danny, I need to keep on with dinner," she said and pulled away from him.

But Danny didn't let her go. He pulled her back in, spun her around and let her go again.

This was a normal occurrence, especially when they were doing any kind of chores. Danny could afford for them to have a maid or a cleaner, but Y/N wouldn't let him. She loved doing chores, music on in the background as Danny cleaned at her side.

Careless Whisper came on the speaker. Danny dropped the feather duster and turned to his girlfriend. "Something in your eyes," he sang, shaking his hips. "Calls to mind a silver screen."

"And its all sad good-byes," Y/N replied. It was pointless trying to resist him. She wasn't dancing though, she was still cleaning the surfaces in the living room.

Danny walked over and put down the surface cleaner and cloth. "I'm never gonna dance again."

"Guilty feet have got no rhythm!" They shouted together.

Careless Whisper wasn't their song, not by any means. But they loved it, it was the perfect song to scream in the middle of their living room in the late evening when they were still cleaning (because Danny had made them stop so many times to dance).

Danny span her. He sent her around once, twice.

At the saxophone, Danny let go of her and shook his hips in time with it.

Date night.

Y/N loved date night. They'd go out to a restaurant or to see a movie or to an arcade or something. Date night always ended with them in the living room, a glass of wine in hand, candles lit and music playing as they sat on the couch.

Sway, the Michael Bublé version, came on over the speakers. As soon as Danny heard it he was up and pulling Y/N up with him. She went willingly, one hand in his and the other on her on his shoulder.

Daniel took the lead, moving them around the living room. He spun her around and pulled her back in. Danny's steps were quick, messy, almost impossible to keep up with. But Y/N managed it, she had done ever since the day they met.

At the chorus, Danny blindly stepped back, pulling Y/N with him. They went stumbling, over the back of the couch. They fell down in a fit of giggles, knocking their red wine over in the process. "Shit, Danny," she said through her giggle. "The rug!"

Their once cream rug was now ruined, a huge whine stain spread across the middle. "That's never coming out."

Daniel let out a laugh and kissed the top of her head. "We'll get a new one tomorrow," Daniel answered, wrapping his arms around her.

Daniel and Y/N loved dancing together. They did it throughout their relationship, right up until they got married. At their wedding, their first dance was to Careless Whisper. They knew their family and friends were judging them, but they didn't much care.

When sway came on, Y/N's friend gave them a knowing look.

They danced through the night, until the early hours of the morning. By the time they were off to their honeymoon, their feet were hurting and they were exhausted. But they were so, so happy.

602 notes · View notes

castiwls · 5 months ago

Text

gold rush - s.w

Paring; sam x reader

Prompt; 'And then it fadеs into the gray of my day-old tea. 'Cause it could never be'

Requested; anon

Notes; made this kinda sad cant lie. The songs about longing so I kinda just ran with that

Masterlist | Taylor Swift masterlist

Sam had always known he was the odd one out during his childhood. In school he’d always felt like an outsider - constantly the new kid. While at home he’d also felt on the sidelines when it came to his dad and brother.

And then he’d met you. Someone who finally understood him and what he wanted.

You’d both talked about it. You’d had countless conversations about what life outside of hunting could be like. Countless hours at night you’d spent conjuring up images of the perfect house and the family that you could only dream off.

And in those moments it felt real. The stress of hunting and the terrifying reality of your life would fade away as this false reality slowly took over and for a brief moment would begin to form.

“Okay, dog or cat?” You leaned up on your elbow using your free hand to trace shapes across his arm. Sam paused a small smile playing on his lips. “Dog.” A look of nostalgia almost passed over his face for a moment. “I had a dog, years ago.”

“You had a dog? You never mentioned that?”

He laughed quietly. “It wasn’t for a long time, only a few weeks.” You nodded. “Okay, so dog it is.” You smiled at him. “Dog it is.”

The room fell quiet for a moment as you continued to trace shapes across his arm. The soft sensation of your finger running across his skin slowly began to relax him. His body which always seemed to be tense now slowly began to relax under your touch.

“You're thinking again.” Your voice broke through the silence. “Stop.”

His smile had dropped slightly, a harder look in his eyes as he stared past you. “It’s nothing.” He shook his head looking back to you. “I just…I wish this wan’t just a conversation.”

The room fell quiet again as his words lay heavy in the air. “One day it might not be just a conversation.” Your hand moved down to intertwin your fingers. “I know you wanna get out.” Your voice dropped to a whisper as you leaned slightly closer. “But you just gotta keep going. Its gonna happen eventually, no one does this forever.”

Sam’s hand squeezed yours. The unsaid words hung heavy. No one did this job forever because they either died or by some miricle managed to fully get out. The later seemed rare from what he’d seen.

Even hunters who retired still seemed to get sucked back in.

He nodded after a moment. “I know. I know.” His breath caught for a moment. “I just hope it’s sooner rather then later.” You seemed to relax at his words, content that for the moment he seemed satisfied. That you’d managed to push those voices away.

It wasn’t long before you seemed to be pulled under by the lull of sleep. Your head resting against his chest as your breathing evend out.

He watched you for a moment. The reality of the world seeming to settle back over him again as the darkness of the night seemed to engulf him.

He knew it was nothing more than a fantasy. That in reality a normal life would always be just out of his grasp.

164 notes · View notes

jensettermandu · 7 months ago

Text

clandestine - huh yunjin

genre; angst, sfw

pairing; yunjin x female reader .ft chaewon

content; there's one single reference of them being bare aka nudity but it doesn't say more, reader is a 98' liner and member of blackpink, features chaewon x reader but it's briefly, yunjin is in a huge moral dilemma throughout the whole thing, implications of toxicity

synopsis; Yunjin finds herself at yet another clandestine meeting, the one that leaves her in a high that later crashes, but somehow she can't stop running back to the hell where her devil is. The older woman has a grip on Yunjin that leaves her trying harder than before just to be acknowledged. Love and loyalty has left her in a moral dilemma where she has to make a choice, however, each choice makes her as bad as it makes her good after ending up with the short end of the stick.

wc; 7.6+

songs; illicit affairs - taylor swift , sad girl - lana del rey , francesca - hozier

masterlist

Yunjin exhaled, watching the numbers on the elevator go down, and up on the other as she waited for it to reach her. Her fingers fiddled with the material inside the pockets of her sweats because even if it had become a habit, something that came naturally; Yunjin couldn’t help but be swallowed by guilt and anxiety each time.

It crumbled, her facade was weak and grew weaker each time because of her moral dilemma. It was hard to pretend when she had always been so see-through.

The elevator’s door slid open once it reached her floor, the second one reaching the bottom as she stepped inside.

She hated it when she looked in the mirror and knew the person she was. It was something she couldn’t run from, but that didn’t mean she didn’t try. The guilt ate at her and Yunjin knew exactly how to stop it or how she could have prevented it right from the start. All she did manage to do was pretend that she had no clue who she was because she knew Yunjin and this wasn’t her.

This wasn’t like Yunjin at all; she couldn’t even tell why exactly she got herself into this mess or when she became the mess that she was.

However, the truth was hard to handle, even harder to accept and the hardest to face. This was something she knew she wouldn’t be the only one struggling with if the tiniest stone collided with her house of glass. The tint she put up to cover her lies would crumble and the real layer would let everyone see right through her glass walls and uncover the truth she’s been hiding out of desperation to be noticed.

She wanted to say that she was forced, but she truly wasn’t, the only thing was the force that pulled her towards the hell waiting for her downstairs. The one she shouldn’t feel anything towards as she knew that the girl who felt everything for her was in the other elevator riding right back up to the dorm.

Yunjin felt like a fool, she knew that she was one and she would regret it for the rest of her life as she would live with the fact that she did something she hated herself for; something everyone else would hate her for.

Yunjin lived in a world only one other person knew about, but even if she asked about it they would deny its existence. This was something that only existed to Yunjin because she acknowledged it. Her empathy was too strong to ignore. She convinced herself that she could stop if she wanted to.

Yet when the elevator reached the underground parking lot and she had the choice to not step out and instead go back home she still committed the same old mistakes.

The familiar scent lingered right by the elevators when she stepped out because Yunjin was greedy. She took those steps that could almost be mistaken for prideful when in reality she took long strides to be quicker. There was nothing to be prideful about, it felt like a walk of shame each time yet she proceeded with it. She proceeded to destroy herself for this one person.

The white G Wagon was hard to miss as it stood ready to drive off by the side and this was the girl’s final chance to break this habit. Would it make her feel better if she did? Yunjin would still know what she had done. Would she ever reveal the truth?

Yunjin had been selfish all this time, but it was with other people in mind, wasn’t it? Her intentions were unclear like a city under smog yet she tried to shine through it like the sun because they were good. It didn’t matter what they were because she felt herself crumble each day.

Maybe she got it all mixed up and was trying to make herself feel better; to feel like a hero when she was an anti-hero all along.

She opened the car door, knowing that no one would do it for her and she closed it after climbing inside. For a second she still felt the inner conflict within her as she closed the door, staring right in front of her.

The silent blow of the AC eased the heat caused by her hood being up, the speakers faintly played that music that reminded her of the woman anytime these songs would play. It would always infuse her veins with guilt, shame and regret, but also longing and desires, leaving her stuck at a crossroads.

Those things were all short-lived even if she knew that she would be a mess after.

Her chin was gently grabbed between those slender and cold fingers that turned her face. Yunjin met her eyes and was fighting what they reminded her about; the flaws hiding behind the put-up wall of perfection. Those perfect, tempting, and utterly deceiving eyes she had fallen victim to.

She tilted her head and leaned over the centre panel, closing her eyes in hopes of being blown away by the wind. She wanted to leave her fate to the wind, hoping she could just blow away like a feather that had no purpose and whatever happened couldn’t be blamed on her because the wind controlled her fate so it was all out of her control.

Maybe the wind she would be blown by would be in the second circle of Dante's inferno for these sins. Yet the kiss was gentle compared to what her punishments would be for these selfish acts.

It was gentle yet tormenting when she got a taste of the lipgloss that had mixed with the usual vanilla the woman in the driver’s seat used. Strawberries lingered with the vanilla and Yunjin was swallowed by reality once again, painfully aware that she was here so soon that Chaewon’s lips were still lingering on those that weren’t hers to kiss.

Her lips picked up the remnants of Chaewon’s.

That was all that Yunjin would deserve: remnants.

She tried to pull away because she could stop whenever she wanted.

“Y/n,” Yunjin mumbled, being pulled right back into the kiss, her hood being pulled down as fingers brushed over her nape. With that, she gave in without putting up a fight for any dignity because she never had any, to begin with, if she was seeing Chaewon’s girlfriend.

Her fingers brushed over Y/n’s bare waist, hoping to at least leave goosebumps after her because her marks would always be invincible and Yunjin was nothing but a mere ghost that appeared when everyone else was asleep.

They pulled away, her eyes gazed into Y/n’s eyes, the older’s fingers trailed along her jawline, thumb grazing her lips.

God, she hated Y/n for hurting her friend, but she also loved how she made Chaewon feel, and how good she was to her outside these clandestine meetings. It left her in turmoil knowing how happy Chaewon was while also wanting to be a good friend–she knew she wasn’t–and tell her the truth of how her angel was a devil in disguise.

Yunjin knew that Chaewon was one of the luckiest, but at the same time, unluckiest girls to exist. Despite the war within her it still left her envious if not jealous.

“You look pretty,” Yunjin wanted to cuss Y/n out, she wanted to throw stuff, she wanted to take all her anger out on her, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t even if she wanted to. The girl in the driver’s seat with achievements that reached further than Yunjin’s dreams was too perfect to hurt.

Yunjin knew Y/n too well and maybe that was the problem.

Just those words were enough to fluctuate everything she felt and cause her a high; Y/n became a drug that worked each time no matter how horrible the withdrawals felt because of the realisation of how she was jeopardising herself and everyone else.

At moments like these, she pretended to be blind as Y/n pulled away, reaching for her phone, detaching herself completely from Yunjin who pretended that the notification didn’t show on the car screen. Her eyes wandered the white interior of the car; still feeling out of place for so many reasons, the first being that she shouldn’t be here to begin with.

“Where do you wanna head to?” She looked back at Y/n who was looking at the phone in her hands.

The answer she would give depended on how long she wanted to spend with Y/n. On how long she wanted to bask in Y/n’s cold fire. It could vary from 30 minutes at a parking lot nearby that she usually walked to–this time Y/n could in a sense pick her up–or it could be around two hours spent in a hotel room.

The girl could still remember the first few times and how different they were compared to now. Yunjin was truly becoming nothing more than a dirty secret that was supposed to be kept away from all light and she was allowing it herself.

Yunjin knew what was reserved for her; parking lots and hotel rooms, meetings once the sun was down. The lingering gazes before becoming nothing more than air. The act of being someone she wasn’t. Lies that came easier than breathing. Not leaving a single trace of herself anywhere because she was supposed to remain a ghost. Yunjin didn’t exist.

It was all perfectly built yet it felt as fragile as a house of cards where it would all collapse with a single and gentle blow of air.

There was a significant difference between her and Chaewon; obviously. Her older member got treated the way she wished she was yet what Yunjin got wasn’t Y/n making it up to their floor, picking her up, leaving the dorm without having to lie or feel guilt and shame, with no disguise of going on a run in sweatpants and a hoodie.

[Five hours ago]

Yunjin never understood it, she wasn’t sure if she ever would or maybe she hadn’t done it for long enough. It left her with more questions than answers; all being about the person on the other side of the door. It made her heart speed up before it twisted and she wished it could just stop instead because of the wincing pain.

Yunjin hated how good Y/n was at acting while she could feel herself crumble with each second. Was it even acting? It looked like second nature. Or maybe it wasn’t because as long as Yunjin was a secret she would never truly exist unless she was brought to light.

There was nothing between them to the bare eye.

Yet all Y/n did was smile at her and bow as if she wouldn’t kiss her as a greeting whenever it was just them. Still, Yunjin followed, doing the same thing before meeting Y/n’s eyes again. A smile was offered, not a pair of lips against hers or a caress that sent her body through a blazing fire in Y/n’s inferno.

“How are you?”

“I’m…alright.” She got a hum in response as the woman who was her peer slipped her sneakers off. Their eyes met once again, it felt like they always did or maybe Yunjin was hoping for too much yet adrenaline pumped through her whole body as Y/n smiled at her and stepped further inside.

Those stolen glances, those secret stares where their eyes met and only they knew the truth; why did she cherish that?

“That’s good.” She wanted more than a hand coming up to her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. However, Y/n’s touch lingered for a few seconds longer than necessary before she let go and walked towards the living room. Long enough to leave a warmth coursing through Yunjin.

“Where’s Chaewon?”

“Forgot her phone upstairs.”

That was all she got, Yunjin got the finger but wanted to get the whole hand because it was too difficult to separate their clandestine meetings and these meetings where they were nothing more than friends. Her heart yearned for more and she knew that it only made the mess bigger and bloodier than needed.

It wasn’t like she could have gotten more as everyone loved Y/n, especially Kazuha who was a fan of the group Y/n was part of.

Yunjin had listened to the younger girl go on about Y/n and all of Blackpink before. How she looked up to her, how she was a role model to many, how talented she was; great, humble, loving, caring, beautiful, perfect in every aspect of life despite it not being an easy life that she lived. She agreed with the younger girl because it was the truth–

It still left Yunjin wondering if she truly was the only one who had seen past Y/n’s perfect facade. The one that was built up of walls that stretched for miles and climbing over one meant only seeing the hundreds of more walls that were left to climb. Y/n had a perfectly curated image as an idol, but she also had a perfectly curated image for every person she was with and met.

The perfect friend, the perfect daughter, the perfect girlfriend.

South Korea’s Perfection.

Yunjin envied it because it would be so much easier to live on with her life if she were perfect; it would let her carry out her life and secrets with ease.

However, she felt special as she knew that she was one of the few to get past these walls. She felt special because she was more than Y/n’s dirty secret, she knew things the woman didn’t open up about to just anyone. Yunjin knew that she was part of those things she never told and that with Y/n’s perfection, she would forever be a mere ghost, a story that never truly happened.

Y/n knew how to manipulate the beginning and end of every story to her advantage.

Yunjin was aware that Y/n would make it look like she had never existed in her life and maybe that was the only true fear that she carried and not the consequences of being caught.

Never existing in Y/n’s life.

Yet Yunjin dwelled on the choices she had.

Her eyes gazed at Y/n, it just so happened that whenever she was supposed to come over even for a few minutes everyone magically left their rooms. No one wanted to miss her, she always made every room brighter.

She watched Sakura try to stop her from bowing a full 90 degrees; her senior and older by a few months, she knew that Sakura disagreed with being Y/n’s senior. Yet the youngest Blackpink member would do the same to Kazuha and Eunchae, telling them to be less formal.

They didn’t know Y/n like Yunjin did, she saw past it all. It was Y/n’s way of carrying out her perfection no matter where she was, to be that sweetheart everyone loved and wanted.

Yunjin sat down on the couch, in the furthest corner, drowning in the truth under her facade that was far from perfect unlike Y/n’s. Yunjin had flaws just like everyone else and like everyone they would shine through these cracks of feigned perfection leaving her imperfect.

Her eyes continued to linger on the older, they held longing, they held suffering, they held that dull melancholy that haunted Yunjin’s everyday life because Y/n was somehow everywhere.

She was either talked about, solo songs played or group songs, billboards, ads, magazines, Chaewon, Kazuha, Eunchae, Sakura, and a row of Yunjin’s friends. Y/n’s name left everyone’s mouth.

Why would she want to escape perfection though? The longer Yunjin lingered around the more it would possibly rub off on her. Could anything ruin Y/n’s perfection? No. Not unless Yunjin would do it. Yunjin knew what was hiding beneath it.

It was uncharacteristic the way Chaewon quickly thumped down the stairs, but Y/n had that effect, didn’t she? Yunjin didn’t look away, watching her sit on the floor in the middle of Kazuha and Eunchae playing video games on the TV.

“I at times can’t tell whether it’s Chaewon or an elephant incoming.” She knew just what to say. Y/n’s charm came with silence but it also came with words so it didn’t matter what she did; everyone looked her way yet Yunjin could see deeper than that and still find her just as jarring.

“She only does that when you come over.”

“I’d do it too if I were her.” That cockiness and confidence that didn’t come off as rude made Eunchae smile even bigger, always enjoying Y/n’s wit like everyone else.

Was Yunjin special? It seemed like Y/n was for everyone but her. How did Chaewon do it? Yunjin was just a secret yet it was hard to handle knowing that Y/n was for everyone.

“Eunchae,” Chaewon warned and Yunjin felt the small smile on her face turn sour as she watched her friend get onto the couch. The guilt and jealousy washed over her again.

What right did she have to feel any jealousy? She didn’t. Y/n was Chaewon’s perfect girlfriend all while breaking Yunjin’s heart because she allowed it to happen. She couldn’t shut Y/n out. Being imperfect around someone who carefully threaded through each hole to finish with perfection rubbed off in the wrong way.

It highlighted everyone else’s flaws; Y/n made Yunjin’s flaws stand out even more.

“Are you ready to leave?” Chaewon hummed, Yunjin couldn’t look away, watching with melancholy dancing in her eyes as the leader sat on the couch behind Y/n. The latter looked up and met Chaewon’s gaze.

“Okay, let me just beat these two and then we can head out,” the complaints from the two youngest only intensified the teasing until they ran out of words and Chaewon was able to speak.

“You can do that another time.”

“I could or I do it now and can avoid them next time to spend all my time with you.” It ushered the two youngest to continue to bicker, Y/n would always be able to lift a room with a few words and a smile.

Yunjin found it an art, no matter how simple it could seem, but a person who knew what to say at any given moment was made to entertain. Y/n was a dream and that’s all she would ever be to Yunjin.

When Chaewon was in the room Y/n’s gaze only lingered on the leader and Yunjin was the only one with a longing gaze; Y/n knew how to make her feel like a ghost. She watched and that’s all she could do; Y/n resting her head against Chaewon’s legs, wishing she could be the one running her fingers through Y/n’s hair, brushing over her skin while talking.

It should have been Yunjin and there were things she regretted, but she couldn’t list them in order or tell if she should regret some of them.

[Present]

In secret Yunjin got everything she wanted during these clandestine meetings. Her fingers brushed through Y/n’s hair, basking in the scent and heat still radiating off of the older whose bare skin pressed against Yunjin’s. It was a warmth she craved every time she saw Y/n, to be in the comfort of the woman, to hold Y/n and give the fallen angel the comfort she craved but never asked for.

All of Y/n’s attention was on her, she was more than just a ghost at these moments; Yunjin became a gestalt that Y/n saw.

This was when she forgot all her regrets, shame and guilt where the moral dilemma washed away from her sight because she was too far in hell to see heaven.

This was when she saw the beauty she could only see when she was with the woman. There was no one else she could share it with. This was when she accepted herself for who she was because she could be herself with Y/n and no one else; no one else knew about her secrets in the end.

In the end all Huh Yunjin wanted was to be loved by her devil.

Instead, this time Yunjin was left wondering if Y/n noticed her for who she was. The person she tried to be for Y/n. The woman whom Yunjin got to hold in her arms at these rare yet frequent moments was so sophisticated; it made Yunjin feel half-witted.

Yunjin read the books Y/n liked, consumed the expensive wine and champagne the woman did, and learned about her favourite art; from poems to paintings. She did her best to change certain views and beliefs, and the way she carried herself. She had done everything, but it was to no avail; Y/n wasn’t hers and didn’t seem to take notice.

Y/n never cared about Yunjin the way she wanted to be cared for, she never saw her, never acknowledged her and it only made her try harder even if Chaewon was the one who caught the singer's attention. How did she do it? It was something Yunjin had always wondered. How Chaewon was the one. How did her friend manage to do what she couldn’t seem to do? What did Chaewon have that she didn’t even after trying to be perfect for Y/n?

“Why do you see me?” It made her wonder even more why Y/n kept seeing her this way. It watered her insecurities and made it feel like her flaws and imperfections bloomed bigger. There had to be something special about Chaewon if they had been in a relationship for five months now. Why did Y/n waste time on Yunjin? Yunjin wasn’t the one wasting time, she willingly spent her time on Y/n.

“I can open up to you.”

She knew that her question was too vague and that Y/n wouldn’t say more than what she asked for. Yunjin had learned but kept repeating the same mistakes, that was partly why she was in the same bed as Y/n. She took what she got as long as it came from Y/n’s palm; Yunjin wouldn’t complain. She had no right to even if she would want to.

“You can do that with Chaewon too…” It came out as a mumble, that heaviness washing over her. Yunjin felt like an idiot, that was usually how Y/n made her feel.

“It’s not the same,” Y/n slipped from her grasp once again without any hesitation or looking back. Yunjin would be the only one to look back or hesitate to let go each time.

Yunjin’s eyes gazed at the woman who sat up, her eyes traced her slim back and all its ridges of perfection. All she did was stab a knife in her friend's back, but it wasn’t like she wasn’t paying for it. Each day there was a knife in Yunjin’s chest and it twisted, twisted, and twisted for all the wrong and right reasons.

“How?” Yet she pressed while being fully aware that only she would get hurt by the end since she had been hurt from the start. In the end, Huh Yunjin never learned from her mistakes, if she got hurt once, she got hurt twice, thrice and it went on until it no longer hurt.

But, Huh Yunjin would let Y/n hurt her over and over again, she’d let the woman hurt her a million times. To have her nick at her heart each day, to make it all die a little inside her each time, but she would still let it happen.

“I can’t open up the same way to someone I love as I can to someone like you.”

Y/n was so cold that she burned. The woman was so cold that it nipped Yunjin's cheeks, leaving them red each night she would cry. Y/n was so cold that Yunjin couldn’t help but try her best to warm her even if it hurt her in the process.

The woman stood up, leaving Yunjin all alone in that cold hotel bed that made her feel worthless. She couldn’t look away though, watching as Y/n slid on the hoodie that she had picked up from the back of her car before they left to get to the room. It was Chaewon’s hoodie. Somehow she always carried a little reminder with her and Yunjin couldn’t understand why she did.

Wasn’t it making Y/n get swallowed by guilt like it did with Yunjin? Y/n wasn’t an open book so she couldn’t figure it out unless Y/n read the pages for her which she had done before.

“I can’t know how understanding she truly is and I can’t afford to lose Chaewon.”

Yunjin licked her lips and deeply exhaled to stop herself from shedding tears all while willingly taking the venom bites Y/n would scatter along her body. She hugged the plain sheets closer to her bare body, pulling her knees closer to get comfort because Y/n would never provide it.

It settled that Y/n could afford to lose her. She was just as replaceable as anyone else in Y/n’s life, the only one who wasn’t was Chaewon. Y/n’s hell consisted of multiple dead and forgotten souls and Yunjin could become one of them at any given moment.

“I doubt you would.” She left Y/n’s frame at last and stared at the blank sheets, her fingers twisting the material. It was tearing her in half, Yunjin was stuck in the middle. She wanted Y/n, but at the same time wanted her friend to be happy yet she didn’t want Chaewon to be played and wanted to let her know that Y/n was a devil in disguise. One that was impossible to resist and was the sweetest angel anyone could stumble upon even if she was a fallen one.

It was messed up, but Yunjin was a bigger mess than the one she created. She saw how happy Chaewon was and she was envious; it could have been her yet it all was wrong. Everything she felt, had done and hadn’t done yet was wrong.

“You can’t say you’re sure she won’t leave or look at me differently. I want to be perfect for her, I don’t want her to stop loving me.” It was what Chaewon fell for in the end, just like everyone else. Y/n’s perfection. The girl was aware of that as her clouded by-gloom eyes looked up through her wet lashes at Y/n.

Tears in the rain.

Y/n would never notice or acknowledge the tears of torment that would run down Yunjin’s cheeks and leave her eyes sore. That ache in her chest would forever only be known to her, the reasons for her sleepless nights, why her pillowcase was soaked in a conflict between loyalty and love.

“It’s not possible to love someone who is too honest and opens up their heart until there’s nothing left to bleed. What heart will beat for her? The truth is ugly and imperfect.”

Yunjin knew that it was true, but it wasn’t set in stone because how did she tell Y/n that the woman had opened up to her, bled her heart dry to Yunjin who hadn’t left? It was possible to love someone who was too honest and opened up fully. Yunjin was still there even if not everyone would and maybe the uncertainty was why Chaewon only got to see perfection.

However, Yunjin loved her for more than her Midas touch, she was there despite the ugly imperfections.

She was also aware of Y/n’s biggest fears; the fear of not being able to maintain the image. The idea of even momentarily showing weakness in front of anyone. To be dependent and vulnerable wasn’t an option. Yunjin knew that Y/n was afraid of that intimacy and maybe that was why she never chose Yunjin. She knew about her vulnerabilities, flaws, insecurities, self-hatred, and self-pity. She knew about all the skeletons in Y/n’s closet.

Yunjin knew Y/n too well, she had seen her vulnerable and weak.

She had been led on, Y/n had played her, cheated in a game Yunjin wasn’t aware they were playing. It ended up with her heart in malady once she saw Y/n with Chaewon after letting herself get dragged through this hell for the woman.

The girl had been fooled and continued to be fooled and she let it happen. All she did was watch it happen.

She met Y/n almost a year ago and from the moment she did she found a deeper meaning in every word Y/n said to her. Yunjin got lost in the picture-perfect world Y/n painted for her. She saw the world with rose-coloured glasses, seeing things she only could with Y/n. Those words made her heart race and ultimately fall to the floor in desperation for the woman, waiting for Y/n to pick it up; it got stepped on instead.

Y/n sold her a world that didn’t exist when she was alone, a world she could only see with Y/n.

Yunjin shouldn’t have taken the words to her heart so easily, but she should have taken them for what they were. A short high that was dwindling more with each time. It came so quickly, it would hit her so hard and fast she could barely register it coming and before she knew it it was over and she would crave more. It felt too good and so she held onto those things even if they meant nothing in the end.

That was why Yunjin was staring out the window of Y/n’s car, submerged in a sudden melancholy, fully aware that even if it all dwindled she wouldn’t be able to feel this way with anyone else. There was no one else she would be able to see these things with other than Y/n.

Had she gotten it all that wrong? Had it all been in her head all this time? That there could have been something more before Chaewon?

“When can I see you again?” She was like a court jester, but she wasn’t entertaining anyone unless she enjoyed having her own heart shattered. The way Huh Yunjin acted made it look like she did. She took anything she could.

Her gaze shifted away from the window as her reflection was too clear while they sat in silence in the car. It was the ugly truth, reflecting right at her, she was turning into someone she wasn’t for someone she loved, but would never get love from. What made it much more excruciating was how painfully aware she was of it and how she still tried.

It was poison, Y/n had infected her with her poison and there was no cure for it. It was there to ruin Yunjin and everything around her. It didn’t change how she would still always run to Y/n to get fed more of it.

“I'm flying out to L.A. tomorrow to work on my album and then I’m heading to Coachella. I guess we will see each other there.”

Yunjin looked away as Y/n’s eyes weren’t even subtly glancing her way, the woman wasn’t sparing her any glances. She looked down at her lap, picking at her nails more and more the longer the silence lingered. There was hope that Y/n would acknowledge her misery, in the end, the jester was supposed to be a fool for someone else’s entertainment.

Had she entertained Y/n enough for one night? Did she manage to give her enough in two hours? Yunjin knew that she wasn’t enough, but she wanted to be close to it. To at least touch upon the perfection Y/n was looking for, the one that Chaewon carried.

It tugged on her heart that she had worn on her sleeve, dragging it along with her and letting it bleed dry for someone who didn’t want her blood on their hands.

“Yunjin…”

It made her look up, her heart fluttering in desperation for oxygen only Y/n could provide her when a hand slid over to hers. Y/n’s cold skin brushed over hers, the little embers of her high hoping for a blow so it wouldn’t disappear and could continue because it would let Yunjin fall asleep without crying. Foolish hope bloomed within her, continuously playing herself as she hummed and looked at Y/n who was looking her in the eye. The blackest and dullest yet masked with radiant front eyes that anyone could get lost in.

As always she took anything she could get from Y/n who reached her other hand over to Yunjin’s face. Fingers gently traced along her jaw before brushing away the red strands of hair and fingers tangling at the back of her head. It was these moments when her world got to see the light again and made her believe that the pain she felt wouldn’t be evermore.

She could get lost in Y/n’s eyes and she did, Yunjin did so every single time and she did it so easily. Those deceiving eyes, the ones of the she-devil herself, the ones she broke all her promises for because each time, Yunjin promised herself to never go back again. However, she couldn’t resist the temptation of Y/n’s lips against hers even if it tore her apart after.

At least Yunjin was comfortable in this hell with this woman who was her devil.

It made her insides rumble with each stroke of Y/n’s lips on hers, Yunjin’s fingers gripping onto the older one's hoodie to avoid facing her fears of losing someone she didn’t have. They rumbled until everything inside of her was destroyed when Y/n pulled away, barely being able to pull away as she mumbled those words right between Yunjin’s parted lips;

“Make sure Chaewon doesn’t find out. You don’t want to lose a friend.”

And suddenly Yunjin wanted to scream and cry all over again about how Y/n ruined her and made her a mess she never knew she could be. That high never lasted as long as she wished it would and Y/n was the one to pull away from Yunjin as if she burned. She did burn, didn’t she? In the end, she had been trying her best to melt the ice that Y/n was, the coldness that Yunjin’s heart fought against, refusing to freeze and stop feeling for the woman.

Y/n surely was sweet like honey but stung like the bees that made it.

All she did was nod because she couldn’t trust her voice, especially when Y/n wouldn’t care for the crack in Yunjin that she caused again. The air felt colder than usual as she stepped out of the car and closed the door after her without a glance from Y/n. She barely managed to step away and the car was already driving away.

The pain was evermore; the second she stepped out from the hell where she forgot everything she was back in the agonising and never-ending dilemma where the lines between right and wrong blurred.

Each time she realised something new; this time was the fact that Y/n had never been the one to ask to see her. Yunjin was always the first one running to her, calling and texting, checking when she could see her. How she was the one to initiate every little thing even as far as being the first one to go for it even after finding out that her friend was in a relationship with Y/n.

Yunjin was always the first to break her own heart for Y/n.

And so she stood in the elevator, going up after being down in hell. Pulling the sleeves of her hoodie over her hands before gently wiping away the tears in her eyes. The lump in her throat hurt, it was like the core of her pain, waiting to be spat out and brought to light, but she couldn’t do it.

Yunjin couldn’t ruin this for Chaewon more than she already had. It hadn’t affected her friend yet, it was only ruining Yunjin who would keep sweeping everything under the rug. There was only so much she could hide under it until the bump would be noticeable though.

If she told Chaewon that Y/n was cheating on her she would be devastated, especially since Y/n wasn’t supposed to be capable of breaking her heart. Y/n was too perfect to break a heart, to break a promise, to ruin the beauty of love. If she told Chaewon, if it would come out in any way she would lose just as much as the girl, if not even more. Yunjin saw it for what it was and what it was, was that Y/n had left her with the short end of the stick.

Her breaths only grew heavier with each floor and staring up at the fluorescent light to keep her tears in did barely anything.

Chaewon would hate her.

Y/n would hate her.

She would lose both and she was stuck in a dilemma.

The promise of never seeing Y/n again repeated itself in her head, convincing herself that this time it would be for real, but she knew it would get broken the second she had the chance to do so. In the end, these burdens would be stuck with her.

If she told Chaewon that Y/n was cheating on her with her then she would lose a friend, but not telling her was making Yunjin a terrible person which she already was. No matter how she would tell Chaewon that she was being cheated on yet loved more than anything at the same time, Yunjin would lose Y/n.

Her thoughts were too disorienting and the walk to her room ended by the couch in the dark apartment. It was all pure torment on her heart and hurt more than anything. With her head buried in her hands, she tried her best to calm down, to keep her promise of not going back, but she didn’t want to lose Y/n either–it didn’t matter if she didn’t have her. However, she didn’t want to keep hurting Chaewon, but she couldn’t simply stop and never say anything even if her friend was the happiest when Y/n was perfect for her.

This was all on her in the end as Y/n wouldn’t ask to see her either way. It was in Yunjin’s hands to stop hurting her friend by no longer being selfish because of love.

“Where were you?”

It startled her, it felt like she got caught red-handed as she flinched, her heart racing, building up nausea in her and the tears increased tenfold. Yunjin looked up with a sniffle and quickly wiped at her eyes.

“I was on a run.” Her voice shook like her whole body was doing on the inside.

“Are you sure?” This time Yunjin’s lies didn’t work and the house made up of perfect lies was starting to show the flaws she had failed to conceal. The fragile house was starting to crack under the pressure and she was doing everything in her to hold it up, but Yunjin was breaking down with it.

“No.” She mumbled and looked away from Chaewon who frowned.

The floor gently creaked under the girl’s feet, Yunjin couldn’t look up, staring down as she constantly wiped away the stinging tears. How could she look her in the eye when she knew the truth but didn’t reveal it? The truth that Chaewon should know.

Yunjin was scared of the countless waves of pain she would have to endure once she revealed it to her. It left her pulling at straws, trying her best to come up with a way to say it without having to suffer more than she already had by loving Y/n. Yunjin was exhausted from the pain she had willingly been going through just to be seen.

Y/n’s scent occupied them–Chaewon was wearing her girlfriend’s hoodie, it was the same hoodie Yunjin once wore when it was just her and the older woman. It was before their beautiful meetings turned into a secret kept from any light that wasn’t the moon.

The couch dipped, and silence fell upon them, but the cracks were starting to fill up with Yunjin’s silent cries, the pain she had held inside. Those lies were starting to shine through. Why was it so difficult? The truth was doing everything to push through them and ruin everything for them and herself.

“Are you okay Yunjin?”

She shook her head, Yunjin was far from okay, she couldn’t remember the last time anything felt okay. Everything that used to be perfect was ruined, her love for Y/n was ruining her, the lies were eating at her, and the guilt was something she drowned in and hadn’t tried to swim up from. Y/n was ruining her. It was all becoming too hard to bear and she was about to give up at the pressure.

“No.” She took a deep breath in, her sleeves were soaked with tears, and her eyelids felt sore from the rough material that she wiped them with. It was all she could do because there was no one to wipe them for her. Did she deserve someone like that? Someone who would be there for her and wipe her tears? It didn’t feel like she did.

Yunjin would continue running to her source of pain though. She would continue doing it even if she promised herself not to because the source of pain was also the only source that made her feel that high that numbed the pain. Her source of pain was the only escape from this misery, the only time she got to see beautiful colours in the ugly.

“What is it?”

It broke something inside Yunjin as Chaewon placed her hand on her shoulder, gently rubbing it, almost coaxing those words out of her because she couldn’t hold the guilt. She would die in it if she didn’t try to swim up and continued to willingly sink in these lies and feelings. It was all killing her. She never wanted to ruin anything for Chaewon or Y/n, but it was ruining her to the core, to a point of what felt like no return if she didn’t break more promises.

Everything she had gone over in her head, about how she would die with these secrets was becoming a blur. How she would let Chaewon be happy, how she would let Y/n be perfect, the urge to continue sweeping everything under the rug was turning into one of removing it and showing all her dirt. The pressure her feelings were putting on her was destroying her glass house and it got harder not to hurt anyone else but herself.

“I’m sorry…” Was all that she could push through, whispering those words through a shaky breath as her throat filled up with tears. She was choking on these burdens she caused herself, losing herself in them.

It made her wonder if things would be different if she never introduced the two after befriending Y/n. Or maybe she would be in Chaewon’s shoes right now, but at least she would have been the one Y/n loved, not the one she used to let out everything to then only have love left for her girlfriend.

Y/n would never hurt Chaewon; Yunjin wouldn’t be hurting if she were in Chaewon’s shoes as long as the truth was kept secret. Right now, the person who would suffer the most was Yunjin if she told the complete truth.

It was followed by yet another silence, the hand on her shoulder stilling and Yunjin could feel the dread. She could feel the consequences of her actions heavily weighing on her shoulders depending on what would come out of her mouth next.

“It’s okay.”

She couldn’t understand her guilt, knowing very well that it was a choice and now she was receiving sympathy from the girl she was hurting.

Chaewon’s hand moved again and Yunjin let the older girl pull her in, resting her head on her shoulder as Chaewon wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving her comfort. She stared ahead at the dark TV screen, her tears running as she snivelled with her mouth sealed by fear and shame. This wasn’t Yunjin so how could she admit to doing something that was unlike her?

Chaewon deserved better and Yunjin knew it, but in everyone’s eyes Y/n was the best and she was in Yunjin’s eyes too.

Chaewon fell for Y/n’s perfection.

Yunjin fell for all her flaws and found perfection in them while she hated herself for being so flawed, for hurting her friend and not being able to admit to her sins. Yunjin was too scared to admit to her sins, but she couldn’t let everything else eat at her for much longer or she would suffer even more. She couldn’t leave her friend in the dark.

There were other sins she could bring to light.

“Chaewon…Y/n is cheating on you.”

Sins that weren’t hers.

masterlist

a/n; i hope it was enjoyable/good cause i was struggling. i couldn't feel satisfied with this one despite rereading it three times and am still a bit unsure about whether or not this was good tbh.

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