#AND I'D GET TO SEE SOME OF MY TEACHERS FROM PRIMARY. i'd like to know if they'd recognise me

[twelfth-dykector]

i might go to church on sunday. for The Bit

[versairic]

Special guest | MV1

In which Max pays a visit to a primary school class to answer a few questions before the Dutch gp

or

In which Max only has eyes for the young class teacher

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

Today is a very special day. Your six-year-old pupils were particularly looking forward to this day.

The Zandvoort Grand Prix, which was not too far from the school, would take place at the weekend.

In a few minutes, a very special guest would be coming to your class - the lion class.

Over the last few days, you and your class have organised and prepared a lot to make your guest's time in class as pleasant as possible.

A satisfied smile sits firmly on your face as you walk through the rows of tables and put up the children's name tags you have made so that your guest can call them by name.

You then unfold the blackboard to reveal the colourfully painted greeting.

Written in orange chalk in the centre is the words Welcome Max Verstappen.

Your pupils have painted a few trophies around it, as well as chequered flags and racing cars.

A glance at the clock hanging above the classroom door tells you that it is about time for the first pupils to arrive.

Shortly afterwards, the first pupils enter your classroom with big smiles on their faces. Some of the children are already wearing fan merchandise.

After you have greeted each child with a quick hug, the rows of tables slowly start to fill up and an excited murmur goes round the room.

"Good morning my lions", you greet your class with a smile on your lips and a little chant of welcome comes back.

"As you know, we have a visitor coming in a few minutes. But before we get there, I'd like to go through a few things with you about how we're going to behave during this," you begin as you sit down on the edge of your desk and look around the room.

Yesterday you went through the rules for today with your protégés. It is important to you that everything runs smoothly and well today.

It's not a given that someone famous would take the time to answer questions in a class full of six-year-olds.

" Who can tell me the most important things to consider for today? "

Within a few seconds, countless hands shoot into the air.

Your gaze wanders briefly through the rows before you take a boy from your class, who lists all the rules to be observed for the next two lessons.

With a satisfied smile on your lips, you thank the boy and add a sentence or two, telling your charges that it's important that they don't talk out of turn and to please come forward if they want to ask Mr Verstappen a question.

You know that the class is pretty excited and probably not everything will go one hundred per cent, but despite all that, you're really confident that it will go well.

Some time passes, during which your class spends painting Max Boliden in bright colours, until there is a knock at the door of your classroom.

Countless heads go up and look over to the door with wide eyes, while one or two squeak out.

You can clearly see the nervousness slowly rising in each of them, even in you.

You wipe your slightly sweaty hands on your black jeans before a smile creeps back onto your lips and a "Come in" leaves your lips.

Shortly afterwards, the door opens and a smiling Max Verstappen steps into your classroom.

As he does every time there's a race weekend, he's wearing one of his team shirts and dark trousers.

"Good morning! "He beams as he enters the classroom and lets his gaze wander round the room.

"Good morning Mr Verstappen! "The class literally shouts in chorus, causing a proud smile to spread across your lips.

Point one has already been successful.

"Welcome to the lion class. I am Mrs y/l/n. I'm really pleased to welcome you here today," you greet the Dutchman and hold out your hand to him, which he shakes with a smile.

" I'm delighted to be here today. "

You notice how his eyes linger on you a little longer, so you clear your throat quietly and look back at your protégés, who are scrutinising Max curiously and whispering quietly.

"Look what we've painted for you! " shouts Leona, one of your students, pointing to the blackboard and presenting the colourful picture to Max.

"You drew this especially for me? That's really great! " Max steps a little closer to the board to take a closer look at the artwork.

"And we drew cars too! " shouts the next child and gets Max's attention.

"Did you design new liveries for special Grand Prix races? " Max begins to walk through the rows to take a closer look at the coloured-in cars.

He repeatedly takes time for each of the children to exchange a few sentences with them about their coloured pictures.

Smiling, you watch him and sit back on the edge of your desk.

A glance at the map next to you shows that Max will start by introducing himself and talking about his motorsport career. Afterwards, the children will ask a few questions and get autographs. Finally, there will be a little bobby car race in the schoolyard, where each child will compete against Max himself.

"You're all really great artists. I'll show my team your paintwork and I'm sure something can be done! " Max grins as he walks back to the blackboard with the pile of leaves.

Enthusiastic murmurs go through the class as Max begins to prepare for his little talk.

And shortly afterwards, he begins to tell your class, who are literally glued to his lips, about his motorsport career.

During Max's lecture, you sat in the back row to give Max enough space at the front of the blackboard.

His lecture was quite interesting, so now you know a lot more about the Dutchman.

The children had been so quiet throughout the lecture that you are really proud and shower the children with a little praise.

"And now we come to your questions. Now you can ask me anything you've always wanted to know. But think about your question carefully, because everyone is only allowed to ask me one. "

Max holds up his index finger to make it clear to the children that they are really only allowed to ask one question.

"Just one? How am I supposed to decide which question to ask? " Liana's sad voice sounded from the front, causing Max to start smiling.

" You'll manage that, Liana. Take some time to think of a good question," you reassure the little blonde-haired girl, whereupon Max gives you a grateful look.

" Who wants to start asking me a question? " As Max's gaze begins to wander around the class, countless little fingers are raised in the air.

One or two of them even start to kneel on the chair so that they can stick their finger higher in the air and be seen better by Max.

" Finn ", Max takes the first boy.

" Would you like to drive for Red Bull forever or for Mercedes or Ferrari? "

The Red Bull driver leans against your desk and rests his hands slightly to the right and left of him as he begins to think for a moment.

Your protégés look eagerly at their star and wait for an answer.

"I actually feel incredibly comfortable in my team and so far there's no reason for me to leave. I get on well with everyone in the team and we have a good working relationship so that everything runs as smoothly as it should. I'll never rule out a change, because you never know what's to come, but so far I can reassure you and tell you that I'm not considering a change. "

A sigh of relief goes through the class, which makes you grin.

In fact, most of your class are Max and Red Bull fans.

" Who is your favourite team colleague? " Joleen asks Max after he has taken her on.

"So far I've got on really well with all my team mates and we've all got on really well, but if I had to choose a team mate who I've got on best with, I'd say Daniel. The two of us not only get on particularly well in Formula 1, but also in our private lives. "

In fact, you've already guessed this answer, as you could always clearly see how well Max and Daniel got on and harmonised with each other.

You still mourn the time when Max and Daniel were team-mates. That time really was by far one of the funniest content times at Red Bull Racing.

A few more interesting questions were asked, which Max answered in detail, such as his favourite colour, which is blue, his favourite food, which was tomato soup and the question about his pets, Jimmy and Sassy two Bengals cats.

"Is there anyone else who hasn't asked me a question yet? " Max's gaze travelled around the class.

Even after answering countless questions, he still seemed pretty relaxed and happy.

"Mrs y/l/n hasn't asked a question yet," Johann takes the floor as all the children turn to look at you.

Max also leans a little more on the desk now as he leans forward to see you in the back row.

" Do you have a question for me? " he grins.

So you start going through all the possible questions that are floating around in your head.

There are a lot of things that would interest you, but they don't belong here right now, so you decide on the simplest question that any teacher would have asked.

" What was your favourite subject at school? "

" Oh, that's really easy! " Max grins and almost claps his hands. " Your teacher will probably rip my head off for this, but I never liked going to school. The only subject I liked was geography. What's your favourite subject? "

Countless voices start shouting their favourite subjects in confusion, which Max takes in his stride with a smile and somehow tries to catch every subject.

To restore some calm, you walk back to the front and start clapping a rhythm, which the children immediately follow and the class becomes quiet again.

A quiet " Wow " leaves Max's lips, who looks at you with fascination and makes the blush rise slightly in your cheeks.

"That's the best way to keep things quiet," you almost babble as you start to clear your desk to give Max a little more space for the upcoming autographs.

You had already cleared out your desk, so there were hardly any things on it. However, you now have to keep your hands busy to avoid blushing even more or doing something stupid.

" Please line up to get an autograph. If you have an autograph, please go and put on your jacket so that we can go out into the school playground straight away. Please keep your voices down," you remind the children, who shortly afterwards line up in front of your desk waiting to sign an autograph.

You take the seat next to the door to keep an eye on the children who are putting on their jackets.

The autograph session goes faster than expected, so that within twenty minutes all the children are standing in the corridor whispering in their jackets and then follow Max and you out into the schoolyard in a duck march.

Yesterday afternoon you had already set up a small parkour, which you will have to drive through today with the two Bobby Cars.

The red and blue Bobby Car are already ready and waiting to be used.

You had even made a small podium out of cardboard boxes and bought small mini trophies to give your offspring the full programme of a racing experience.

While the children would race against Max, you would time them and the three fastest times would end up on the podium.

Max grabs the blue Bobby Car, which just fits half his knee, while Aaron can sit perfectly on the red Bobby Car.

While the two race against each other, the children cheer on Max and Aaron in different groups.

The latter narrowly wins, as Max has a few problems with the only Bobby Car.

Despite all this, the Dutchman doesn't lose the fun of the game, so he competes against every single child with joy and fun, even if it's not enough for one of the three podium places in the end.

Standing proudly on the podium with their trophies, the three winners literally raise their plastic trophies in the air until a couple of water pistols are used to replace the champagne shower and all the children run across the schoolyard screaming and chasing each other.

Smiling, you look after your class as Max stands next to you.

"That was a really nice day. Thank you for preparing so many nice things. I really don't know the last time I really enjoyed a day like this," said Max, smiling and thanking you.

"I also have to thank you. You really put a lot of effort into my class. You were really looking forward to the day, which was a real success. "

You can't stop a smile from forming on your lips as Max gives you a smile and then pulls something out of his trouser pocket.

" I forgot to give you your autograph. "

The Dutchman smiles and hands you the autograph card before also grabbing a water pistol and running over to your class.

Confused, you lower your eyes to the autograph card, which shows a grinning Max in his dark racing suit.

You really have a great class.

Your lions are really lucky to have such a great teacher like you.

You've learnt a lot about me today and I hope I get the opportunity to get to know you a little better.

Why don't you write to me

01*******

[archangeldyke-all]

omg hi angel!! I just saw the gym teacher Sev x English teacher reader thing and idk if this was just my middle/high school experience, but I remember at my school during pep rallies sometimes, teachers would divide up into teams and play a sport against each other (usually football or basketball, sometimes softball) as a fun thing to get everyone excited. Sometimes it'd be teachers against students too if you wanna go that route. I dunno maybe you could write something where reader and Sevika are preparing for that?

Maybe a reader who's clumsy/not well versed in sports who already has a somewhat flirty relationship with Sevika asking Sev to help train her alone/teach her about whatever sport theyre going to play so she doesnt embarass herself in front of the entire staff and student body? They could have a whole competitive-flirting thing going on during the one on one training where they end up doing some cheesy shit like stumbling over one another and kissing while they're on the ground lol

KENNIE THIS IS SOOOOOOOOO CUTEEE

men and minors dni

"babe, you're supposed to kick it to me." sevika giggles.

you huff and stomp your foot, stooping over to grab a stick from the field and toss it at your girlfriend. "that's what i tried to do!" you whine. sevika giggles, easily dodging the stick and kicking the ball back to you.

"i can't believe i'm dating somebody who can't even pass a soccer ball."

"yeah, well, i'm dating somebody who refuses to read anything published before 1950--"

"they write so old-timey, i can hardly understand them!" sevika whines, starting up the rant she's perfected in her time with you. you giggle and approach your girlfriend, kicking the ball from its spot between her feet and taking its place. sevika wraps her arms around your waist, smiling down at you. "you're done practicing already?" she guesses.

you giggle and stand on your tiptoes to kiss your girlfriend. she sighs against your lips.

sevika dragged you out to the park today as an attempt to 'train' you for the big students vs. teachers soccer game coming up in a month. in previous years, you've stayed on the sidelines with the other un-athletic teachers, laughing and gossiping and handing out ice packs to your injured co-workers and students. sevika's convinced to get you off the bleachers and onto the field this year, swearing that now that she's your girlfriend, some of her athleticism has to have rubbed off on you.

"i packed a picnic basket in the car... we can set up under that little group of trees?" you ask, blinking sweetly up at sevika. she rolls her eyes and picks up her soccer ball.

"you're lucky you're cute." she huffs, shaking her head as she starts walking you toward the car. you giggle.

"i made your favorite."

"meatball sandwiches?" sevika asks, her eyes lighting up a bit. you grin and nod.

"packed extra napkins too." you say. sevika laughs and kisses your temple.

"so when i asked you to come to the park for training today, you had your own plan this whole time?" she asks. you grin.

"well, duh. did you really think i'd be kicking around a soccer ball for more than thirty minutes?"

"fuck, the teachers are never gonna beat the kids." sevika whines as you open up the car. you giggle, pulling the basket out as she stores all her soccer gear.

"i don't know why you ever think you will, babe. you're a buncha forty year olds playing against kids whose primary food source is energy drinks."

"between me, ran and vander we've got a solid defensive side! we just need somebody fast. with good aim."

"and you thought that would be me?" you tease again.

sevika giggles as she helps you spread out the picnic blanket. "maybe not. maybe i just wanted to see you sweaty and panting." she says with a wink.

you laugh as you sit down on the blanket, dragging sevika to sit next to you. "i can think of much better ways to get sweaty with you than playing soccer, baby." you say. sevika raises a suspicious eyebrow at you.

"last time you said that we spent our saturday in your classroom building bookshelves."

you giggle. "well, we were sweaty weren't we?"

sevika shakes her head and pushes the basket out of the way, before she tackles you and pins you to the blanket. you grin up at her as she gazes down at you. "so lucky you're cute." she mumbles from above you.

you giggle. "are you gonna kiss me or are you just gonna stare?"

sevika rolls her eyes and tries to hide her smile as she ducks down to press her lips to yours. you can feel the curve of her lips against yours, though.

and just as you start to thread your fingers through her hair, the bird noise and wind surrounding you is interrupted by a shriek.

you both jump, and when you sit up on the blanket you make direct eye contact with jinx and ekko, both wearing a pair of rollerskates on their feet and horrified looks of disgust on their faces.

"it's sevika?!" jinx squeals from the sidewalk, not even bothering to greet you.

"i told you you'd never guess." you say with a shrug.

"you're supposed to call me 'coach--'"

"oh janna-- ekko, hold my hair, i'm about to be sick."

ekko snorts, pulls his girlfriends braids into his grasp, and then waves at the pair of you with his free hand. "hey teach. coach. beautiful sunday, isn't it?" he asks awkwardly.

beside you, sevika bursts into giggles.

kofi

taglist!!

@sevikas-baby @ghostscandys @sevikasllver @runawaybaby3 @lesbones

@chezze-its @lez-zuha @vikashoneybee @shanesevikasfuckdoll @imheadintothemountains

@nanajustnana-a @helaenabugmom

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

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[touteslespetiteschosess]

Love To Hate Me || Kylian Mbappé

Chapter 6 : Liar, Liar

Plot: A surprise return makes y/n question her relationship with Kylian.

Word Count: 1902

A/N: In celebration of Kyky's birthday, here's an update xxx

Chapter 5 Masterlist

Y/n's phone began to buzz loudly on her desk; she sighed and rose from her desk, a small smile gracing her face at the sight of her brother's name. Taking the phone, she headed out of her office, deciding she was in need of some fresh air anyway.

"Hey, James." she smiled, answering the call.

"Hey, y/n. You busy?"

"I'm at work but I'm owed a break anyway. Speaking of, shouldn't you be working?"

"The kids are on lunch, so I thought I'd see my little sis' is doing."

Her brother, James, was a primary school teacher back in the UK. He was two years older than her and growing up, the pair had been incredibly close. Nowadays, they didn't get the chance to talk as much, between their two busy jobs and their entirely separate lives in different countries.

"I'm good."

"Still having a hard time at work?"

As she strolled down the corridor, she sighed, "Well, the lack of headlines says not. It's calmed down a little."

"Good, you deserve a rest."

"Well, I'll have time for a rest when the transfer window closes. Until then I'll just have to suck it up."

As she strolled past Luis' office, the coach's door swung open. James continued to chat, "With the wage you're on, they're not paying you to relax." he chuckled but y/n had stopped listening to a word he was saying. From Enrique's office, not only did the coach emerge but so did Kylian. Her heart stopped.

It had been two weeks since their evening togehter as well as two weeks since she'd seen him at all. By the time her alarm had gone off- 5am- he'd slipped out, every trace of him gone, save a large, white hoodie he'd left on her bathroom floor.

Sure, she'd enjoyed the night with him; he was handsome, and good in bed, and he'd held her in his arms as they fell asleep, and it'd made her feel safe and loved and... She didn't care that he'd left in the night or that he hadn't called after that. It had been a one night thing, they'd both known that. He was leaving PSG, so what was the harm?

It was just a goodbye fuck, knowing they'd probably never see each other again. An acceptance of their attractions and their urges, admitting them to one another before he faded into TV screens and perfume adverts. So why was he here now?

"James, I've gotta go, I'll call you later though, alright?"

She didn't wait for a response before she hung up.

"Y/n, just the woman I was looking for!" Enrique grinned.

She turned around, her eyes fixed on Luis, stringently avoiding acknowledging Kylian's presence. She forced a smile, "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yes, Kylian and I finalised his contract yesterday. Elizabeth is bringing a file containing the details over to you. I need you to draft a press release about his return ASAP."

She faltered, "Kylian's coming back?"

The footballer cleared, his throat, "Yes, I am."

She shot him a glare before looking back at Luis, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I am doing."

"Okay, but some advance notice would have been nice, given that it involves my department."

"Well, this is your advance notice, so I'd appreciate it if you'd have the statement drafted and sent over to me within the hour."

With that, Luis nodded firmly and marched off; Kylian's feet were glued to the ground beneath him and he gawped at her like a goldfish. Her scowl deepened and she hesitated momentarily, as though she was going to say something. Then she spun around, her hair whipping after her, and stormed off.

Two or three days had passed since Kylian had appeared at the training centre and y/n hadn't seen the man since. Much to her dismay, she'd had to schedule in and would have to attend a press conference regarding Kylian's reintegration, which she'd announced on social media earlier that day. Now, her chances of avoiding the man in question were significantly decreased.

Sporting black suit trousers and a long-sleeved bodysuit, she walked into the press conference room. She lingered at the back for a few seconds, arms folded over her chest, holding a stack of files tightly as she surveyed the room. Tens if not hundreds of journalists sat on the rows of chairs in front of her. There was a loud hum of chatter as expectant glances were cast at the panel in front of them.

She slipped back outside and headed for the room Luis waited in. As she stepped in, she was met by the sight of not only Luis but Kylian and his father.

She smiled tightly, "Good morning."

"Miss y/l/n, good to see you."

"Sorry, I'm late. I was just running a little behind schedule, but here are some cards for you to read from." she rushed over to Luis and handed him a stack of prewritten cards. She spun around to the player who watched her carefully, "Kylian." she spat, placing the cards in his hand.

Her skin brushed his, he was close enough that she could smell his unforgettable scent. His warm, soft skin on hers took her back to that night. All of a sudden, it was like his hands were all over her again, squeezing, exploring, rubbing. She could hear his voice, calling out her name, singing her praises. She could feel his hands on her tits as he pressed kisses up her neck, on her lips, her cheeks, anywhere he could. They were tangled in his soft sheets, her legs wrapped like a vice around his waist as he held her so easily, like she weighed nothing more than a feather.

"Y/n."

He'd cried out, chanting her name like a prayer. But no, he really was speaking now. He said her name, his thumb grazing her palm as she handed over the cards. He spoke quietly, almost whispering her name.

She cast him a fleeting, strange glance before turning back to Luis, "Are you ready to go?"

He nodded and she headed out into the wilderness, where the pack of reporters were gathered. At the sight of the doors opening, they all began to clamour before seeing it was only y/n.

She stepped up to the panel and spoke into one of the microphones, "Bonjour à tous et merci d'être venus. Il y aura une section pour les questions à la fin. Et maintenant, Luis et Kylian."

Cameras began to flash as everyone turned to the door she'd emerged from. She stepped down from the raised panel and stood to the side of the room. As the footballer and his coach took their place before all of the cameras, Kylian's father came up beside her.

She glanced up at him and offered him a small, polite smile, before turning her gaze back to the press conference which was starting. Luis began speaking, though she didn't understand a word of his Spanish.

"So, you're the one who's been sabotaging my son's career?"

He was so nonchalant she wasn't even sure he'd spoken or if it was just a creation of her imagination. She glanced up at him but he just stared straight ahead.

Hesitantly, she replied, "Sorry?"

"You're the one who has been dragging my son's name through the mud?"

"Usually I go by y/n."

"Oh, I know. I've heard all about you, y/n."

"Right." she pursed her lips, "Well, it's all worked out just fine, hasn't it?" she shrugged, nodding her head in the direction of the press conference.

“Hmm, for you.”

She drew back, looking up at the much taller man, “What’s that supposed to mean? I gave him every chance to leave, you are aware that PR doesn’t encompass transfers or contracts. I just broadcast what I’m told.”

“Y/n, I know what is best for my sons and I won’t have anyone getting in the middle of that.”

She frowned, what the hell did that mean? Before she could question his ambiguous statement, there was a flurry of excited voices and her head snapped back to the conference at hand.

Kylian nodded to a journalist, who stood up, "Kylian, pourquoi avez-vous pris la décision de rester à Paris?" Kylian, why have you made the decision to stay in Paris?

"Paris est l'endroit où j'ai grandi. Je tiens à cette équipe, c'est ma famille et je veux le meilleur pour eux." Paris is where I grew up. I care about this team, they are my family and I want the very best for them.

"Mais vous allez devoir quitter cette équipe à un moment donné. Pourquoi pas maintenant?" But you are going to have to leave this team at some point. Why not now?

Maybe y/n was going insane but she swore Kylian glanced at her before he spoke. Surely not. He hadn't called her. He didn't care about her more than her body. Of course, he was probably just looking at his father. But she just felt his gaze deep within her, like the ground beneath her was shaking.

"Je n'ai pas l'impression d'avoir terminé mon travail ici et j'espère encore accomplir davantage" he paused before adding, "avec mon équipe." I don't feel like I have finished my work here and there is still more I hope to achieve... with my team.

A few more questions were asked before the conference ended and they returned to the room next door. Y/n began to regather her files, "That was good, guys." she declared, offering a half-hearted smile, "I hope this puts it all to bed once and for all."

She nodded firmly before starting for the door; she headed out into the quiet corridor and let out a breath she wasn't even aware she'd been holding. It was like stepping out into fresh air, just being out of a room with him. His presence made her sweat and forget how to breath or think or speak.

"Y/n!"

And she couldn't breath again, and the temperature was rising, and she almost tripped over her own feet at the sound of his voice.

She snapped around, "What?"

"Wait."

She blinked at him and when he said nothing more, frowned, "Well?"

"Are you upset with me?"

"Of course not." she spat, sarcasm thick on her tongue.

"What did I do?"

She rolled her eyes and turned to leave again, "Just forget it."

"Y/n!" he yelled. When her pace didn't falter, he chased after her, catching up easily. He caught her arm and a flush immediately raced across her cheeks at the contact, "Y/n! Stop! Is this because I didn't call you after that night?"

"Forget it." she annunciated, still marching on.

"No, not if you're just gonna ignore me!"

She laughed bitterly, "That's rich."

"So it is because I didn't call?"

She spun around so abruptly that he almost crashed into her. "No, it's because you told me you were leaving! I wouldn't have fucked you had I known we were still going to have to work together! I'm mad at you because you lied to me!"

He didn't have time to reply as a door behind them opened and they both swiftly fell silent. Luis and Wilifried both walked out into the corridor, too deep in friendly conversation to notice the heated moment between y/n and Kylian.

She raked her eyes up and down him then quickly disappeared.

Masterlist

[acatnamedpusheen]

Question tag game

Thank you my dear @stellamarielu for tagging me! Time to yap and overshare *rubs hands like a fly*

Do you make your own bed?

Nope! I just messily throw the sheets remotely back to their place when I want to sit and scroll on tiktok for hours.

Favorite number?

I don't think I have one? But I have grapheme-color synesthesia and all numbers have a color so I'd say 2 that is red and 6 that is pink look really cute (I'm not crazy guys just Google this it's a thing)

What's your job?

I'm currently jobless :") because I've devoted my time and savings to taking dance classes because I want to become a professional and a teacher.

If you could go back to school, would you?

Nope, not in a million years. I got bullied and was constantly getting rejected and ended up alone every time plus I hated having to study all these things that never interested me, not to even mention maths...

Can you parallel park?

I don't even have a license hahah and I'm a bit scared of driving but I know I can't let that fear deter me from trying some day.

Do you think aliens are real?

I don't know, I do think there must be forms of life somewhere in the vastness of the universe.

Can you drive a manual car?

Again, I don't have a license I've never even sat in the driver's seat lol

What's your guilty pleasure?

Does reading smut before bed count? :""")

Any phobias?

I have a pretty bad fear of heights and acrophobia to the point that sometimes it gets difficult for me to go on some escalators that go up in malls and stuff but I pull through. Also I have a fear of BUGS, like I once saw a roach in the bathroom and felt like passing out. Aaand I'm scared of hospitals, serious injuries, needles. I feel lightheaded at their sight.

Favorite childhood sport?

I HATED sport when I was young because I was a literal fat couch potato and when they made us play sports in school nobody ever chose me to be in their team and I was always left last to join whichever team was just missing a member and I hated running around so everyone was yelling at me for not being a good player. Not sure if it counts but I did enjoy when we were doing traditional dances in school. I guess my passion for dancing didn't come out of nowhere after all.

Do you talk to yourself?

ALL THE TIMEE. And I do all kinds of accents in English lol. It might not me my mother tongue but I usually choose English when I talk to myself.

Tattoos?

I've got 4 lol. And I know I said I'm scared of needles and I was almost shitting myself when I went to get my first one but let me tell you tattoos feel different. Also 3/4 where done in spots that I couldn't see the needle during the process (nowhere nasty y'all calm down) but during that 4th last one on my wrist when I looked at the needle doing its thing I felt dizzy so I kept looking away :")

Favorite color?

Purrrrrpleeeee I don't know why. And I just realized that not a single number has the color purple through my synesthesia eyes... omg nooo

Do you like puzzles?

Hear me out: I used to be the BIGGEST puzzle nerd when I was in like pre-primary/primary school! I had TONS of them and I'm talking even those 1000 and 5000 pieces ones. I'd splay all the pieces on the big table and spend hours trying to put everything together. Fun times. It's been years since I made one but I'd really love do it again sometime!

Tagging anyone who feels like oversharing and ditching their mysteriousness today lol

[bomberqueen17]

WWII museum

So, New Orleans-ing proceeds apace. Tried to go to the Southern Food museum, the website said it was open, the door said it was closed. This was a rather crushing blow as I'd walked about as far as I could walk to get there, and then had to turn around and come back. Don't think I'll be able to try again.

My sciatic nerve has had it with me, and I'm able to get around during the days but it's just hurting so badly at night I sleep in five-minute increments, then have to wake and roll over, and if I'm lucky I can fall back asleep before it hurts too much for me to sleep through it, and if I'm unlucky I lie there until i can't stand it and get up and stretch and try a new position. So that's not great. Stretching stops it from hurting while I am actively stretching, but does not particularly help if i assume literally any other position. No, I cannot sleep in the stretching position. I've tried. I can't even sit in that position, so it's not a very useful method of relief.

Ibuprofen doesn't touch it and neither does Aleve. Those are the only options I have with me, so.

Anyway. I'm getting around fine but really not getting a lot of rest.

Last night we went to a show at Preservation Hall, and they charge literally double for your ticket if you want to sit on the hard wooden benches, and I weighed the odds and the bench was likely to give me sciatica anyway, so I stood and saved myself $25, but it was agony and I paid the price. So today we went to the National WWII Museum, and I asked at the admission desk if they had loaner wheelchairs, and they do.

I have learned that nobody cares why you're in the wheelchair. They have many, you are not snatching it away from someone who needs it more.

It is its own punishment, however. The pathways are marked at the stairs; if you go find the elevator, you then have to wander around trying to find where you're meant to go next. People don't get out of your way and you spend a lot of time staring at the asses of people who don't care that you're there and can't get through and can't see anything. One woman, we asked politely if we could get through, and she made no attempt to move, so we squeezed by, and clipped her foot with our wheel, and she got very angry with us. There was no one close to her, she easily could have shifted her foot, she could both see and hear us. We could not have gone any other route, she just didn't think we had a right to pass.

And some sections of the museum have artfully-designed floors that are rough, with chunks of fake-broken concrete. These are really punishing to try and roll over, and are wildly uncomfortable to bounce along over. Especially in a crowd of people. I understand the aesthetic choice but with the number of visitors with mobility impairments for whom that provides a tripping hazard, I super super wonder what the fuck they were thinking. I saw several elderly folks with rollators and I don't know how they got through those rooms. It was several of them.

One whole section, we could not get to unless we went back through the crowded exhibit to the halfway point to find the elevator again.

As far as the content.... I studied that era extensively in my youth, Dad was obsessed with military history and had a lot of books in the house, and I read several of them cover to cover and back and forwards. One in particular-- my sixth grade social studies teacher was obsessed with the Pacific war in specific, and during the year I was there, he was engaged in hand-painting a huge mural of the Pacific battles on a map on the classroom wall. I was allowed to help stencil on some of the letters. So I found that I knew most of the general conduct of that war, and the book I had obsessed over in specific was a compilation of primary sources, news articles, contemporary firsthand accounts, of many of the major actions of that war. I was astonished at how much I remembered. I also had read a very detailed account of D-Day, similarly, so I was able to rattle off an overview of the thing to Dude while we were staring at a line of people's asses who wouldn't let us through.

As we went through the Pacific wing, in the background there was this weird repeating bit of ambient music that I actually recognized as Brian Eno's An Ending (Ascent), and I was like fuck, I bet I know what that is, and I was horrifyingly correct: that's the room where there's a huge wall-sized enlargement of the devastation at ground zero of Nagasaki, a couple of little things along one wall explaining what happened, and nothing else, it's just this big huge space and the music.

I guess it's tasteful, I guess going into more detail wouldn't help, I guess that's not the place for it; leaving it a big bleak horror serves the purpose and tone. The museum was generally pretty good-- very, very American-centric, but acknowledging various issues of racism and misconduct and propaganda and such in sort of minimal but very present ways. There were repeated mentions of the segregated US armed forces, repeated discussions of what the Black soldiers still managed to achieve, and it especially hit because the group that was the most polite and considerate of my wheelchair was a school group of almost entirely Black high school kids from, clearly, a local-ish school, who were impeccably-behaved despite being kids and horsing around and such-- I timidly said "excuse me" to one and she leapt out of my way and tapped her friend's shoulder, who instantly stopped horsing around and said "oh excuse me!" and also got out of my way and told her friend and the children just all melted out of my path and reformed after me, unbothered, resuming their horseplay, poking at the interactive exhibits, paying surprisingly good attention and also roasting one another, as young teens do. And I thought, as I went on to read about Executive Order 8802, of these kids reading that placard, looking at that exhibit, thinking about what has changed and what, horribly, has not.

(Link is to the museum's website. There are a lot of resources there. There was meant to be a cool feature where you follow a specific veteran's story, but i was assigned Bob Hope and don't care about him so I didn't use that feature. Dude got Robert Capa, though, and I immediately was like "i know all about him" and from across the room was like "that photo on that wall is from your dude" and he was like "what" LOL. I know photographers ok.)

We lasted about five hours. We did not see as much of the museum as I would have on foot. But I also know even just the line to get in would have utterly destroyed me on foot. So we made it through to V-E day and then to V-J day and I sat in that room with the Brian Eno loop and was like You know what, I'm good. I'm good. I can't do any more.

So we went and got frozen margaritas at a fast food joint down the street and now I am recuperating. My sciatic nerve is not great, it won't let me nap either, but I will be able to walk and get dinner, which I wouldn't be if I'd done that museum on foot.

I highly recommend, even if you're mostly in good shape, if you have trouble making it through a museum and get footsore, just borrow a wheelchair, and then switch who's pushing halfway thru the museum. If it's that or cut the visit short.... We did not switch pushers, but Dude found a great deal of relief by leaning on the back of it, and I was able to carry the water bottles without much trouble.

Most museums don't have decoratively-uneven concrete floors.

I did realize, despite my obsessive reading on the topic as a kid, while I know the names of most of the German high command, i could not tell you the names of really any of the Japanese officers of similar rank. I recognized a few, from the placards, but generally I don't have the same level of knowledge there. On the one hand, I feel i should read more Japanese history of the war. On the other hand.... I think my days of being able to absorb that sort of thing might be over. Fourteen-year-old me would have loved this museum and read every placard, and would have been on foot to do it. Forty-whatever I am year old me was interested but horrified, even though I generally knew most of it already. But hearing about the estimated 100,000 Filipino civilians massacred in Manila during the battle for that city meant one thing when I was 14, and now means... well, rather a lot more, I have more context and I can really understand, now, what that means. It wasn't that i didn't understand as a kid. But I had no context.

Well, we'll see if I manage to scrape together enough brainpower to look into it any further. At any rate, the museum is worth a visit but is A Lot. Very American-Centric, but not as Patriotic as I was worrying. Not as obsessed with Big Machine Phallic Symbol as I was worried, either; it's not that there's none of that but it's largely in the context of discussing how US industrial capacity rapidly switched over to manufacturing war materiel. (Frank admissions in several cases that our stuff was inferior quality/design to both German and Japanese items, but was infinitely more numerous and in several cases it was simply that intelligent users worked out ways to use the items' defects to advantage, or to minimize their disadvantages anyway.)

And the website, linked to above, is pretty informative, with a wealth of images and citations. So there's that.

IDK, I have no like overarching message here, the bit of my sciatic nerve just inside my knee is fucking killing me and i can't think clearly about anything else for a bit, so. There's that, lol.

[nuoyipeach]

Off-Cam

Kang Seulgi X Lee Taeyong

requested warnings: none? tags: : @gerardeveryway @gomseulgiii @innssanityyy @seulyongggi

"Welcome to Speed Date Life! I am the director for the show, and I'll explain to you the process with my assistant here."

Seulgi rolled her eyes as she stood amongst the crowd of five other women, sitting opposite the five male participants. Why her mother signed her up for a dating show was an impossible question to her.

"You're so focused on earning money, I had no choice. I'd like to see my only daughter have a family please."

Her thoughts were snapped back when the director continued. "So we've gone through all your profiles as well as what your preferences are, and will be pairing you all as closely as possible. To avoid any mishaps we also had an actual matchmaker help us with the pairing."

She watched as the man pulled out 5 folders and opened one by one. "I'll call out the couples right now, but you will be introduced to each other when we start filming tomorrow. This is just so you know beforehand."

Seulgi watched as he opened a folder and passed it to his assistant. "Please raise your hand so your partner knows you. Jung Jaehyun and Kim Yerim." Two people raised their hands, smiling at each other as they bowed their heads slightly. "Johnny Seo and Bae Joohyun." Another pair raised their hands.

"Lee Taeyong and Kang Seulgi." Seulgi raised her hand, then looked at her male counterpart. The man smiled and bowed his head slightly at her, which she returned before looking back to the front, listening to the final two pairings.

Mark Lee and Ko Eun

Nakamoto Yuta and Park Sooyoung

"So the idea is for the first week you will meet daily, warm up and get to know each other. On week two we will put a couple together in one house, rooms will be separate. From there onwards you can progress as you like, hopefully we'll get some actual results out of you all." The director teased before continuing. "Also remember you all have signed and consented to this idea beforehand as well, but we won't be pushing you or preventing you from doing anything after the first week. And if you do decide to drop out, we will take your issue into consideration. Any questions?"

Seulgi raised her hand almost immediately, and the director signalled her to ask. "Even if we're not sharing rooms, will we have our privacy from cameras? Because if not, I don't see the point of separate rooms." she raised an eyebrow asking.

The assistant was quick to wave her hand. "Oh no no, don't worry. The houses will have cameras, except for your bedrooms and bathrooms. It's only the common spaces that will be televised, like the living room, kitchen, dining, etcetera. Your mics will be on you all times, but during bedtime or in the bathroom you can switch off or remove when sleeping."

After a few more chats, the meeting ended, and Seulgi was quick to dash home. She crashed onto her bed and stared up at the ceiling, sighing at the thought of two things.

Tomorrow she'll start dating someone.

Tomorrow she'll become a TV personality.

>>>

The day came for Seulgi's first date with her paired up man, Lee Taeyong. During the introduction recording, the most she could see he had in common with her was that they both loved music and dancing. While she worked as a nurse at a private hospital, he was a primary school teacher as he claimed he loved kids, while also volunteering weekends at an orphanage to teach art.

It's almost like they had completely opposite lives, and Seulgi wondered how would this ever work out. Sure they had the two common interests, but was that really enough?

She checked herself one last time as the car came to a stop in front of the cafe they were to meet in, making sure her outfit dusted and hair wasn't messy. She stepped out, startled a little as she realised a camera was focused on her outside, and smiled with a quick bow before going inside. She followed where she assumed he'd be, noticing another two cameramen near a table by the window.

Taeyong sat fumbling his hands on the table, as if to show he was nervous, she wondered if that was his real actions or simply for the cameras. As she came closer he stood up and they greeted each other, when he suddenly moved to her side and pulled out the chair for her. She stood startled again and smiled, though she still wondered if that was real.

"So..." he spoke up as he sat, chuckling nervously. "How do we go about this? I'm not exactly good with dating."

Seulgi raised her eyebrows, letting out a laugh before responding. "I'm not exactly experienced myself to be honest. This would be my first time dating officially."

The two shared a short laugh, a moment the director signalled the camera men to get clearer shots of. Soon enough the barrier was lifted as Taeyong started talking more about himself first, always making sure to get her involved in between. She noted this action of his, and it made her smile that he wasn't simply going on and on about himself.

So he's not narcissistic, good...

In turn she spoke about her life, and tried to keep it as interactive as he did. However at one point she noticed he simply kept quiet and let her babble on about something she didn't like, though his eyes were on her with a small smile so she knew he was paying attention. Once she finished he nodded and empathised with her, another thing that really caught her attention.

"Do you wanna maybe go for a walk, continue the date?" Taeyong asked once she was finished talking, and she noticed they had finished their coffees. "I know a nice spot we can sit and have a picnic. There's food there too." his eyes glimmered, then suddenly switched to nervous. "Oh, unless you prefer indoors, then there's a nice restaurant nearby too."

Seulgi chuckled, finding his ramble too cute. Unconsciously she reached to hold his hand in comfort. "The picnic sounds nice."

>>>

The first week went well, to Seulgi at least. She didn't feel awkward around Taeyong or get any weird vibes from him. He was nice, soft spoken, funny, polite, a gentleman overall. He also seemed very put together in his life, albeit a little clumsy like when his canned soda exploded and got on both of them, but Seulgi was more amused than angry at the way didn't realise he had been shaking it.

The time came for the couples to move in together. Seulgi was nervous despite being comfortable around Taeyong, because if there's one thing she knew is that one's true self always appears when living together. She sat in the car readying herself one last time before stepping out, greeting the camera as usual, before getting her bags out and going into the airbnb the show had rented out for her and Taeyong.

Just as she reached the front door, it opened showing a smiley Taeyong, who immediately grabbed her luggage from her and leading her inside. "Welcome home." he greeted as if they were already living together, it made her smile at his fun manner. But she wasn't gonna let her guard down this easily. "There's three rooms here, two are our bedrooms. They're pretty much the same but I figured you'd come and pick one first? I'm kinda indecisive."

She stared at him scratching his head, then peeked at the two bedrooms. They were pretty similar, just a matter of front and backyard view difference. After a little thinking, she nodded and went in to the room looking over the backyard, Taeyong following behind with her luggage.

"I'll take this one."

"Great, I'll move in across then." he smiled before leaving the room, closing the door behind him. Seulgi sighed, plopping her body onto the bed and staring up at the ceiling feeling overwhelmed. She suddenly wondered if all of this is a good idea. She's just signed up to live in a house alone with a man she only just met for another what, three weeks? And while they're on camera most of the time, what if he does something to her?

That night, as the cameras were shut off and their mics taken back, Seulgi shut her door and sat in her room in silence. She was considering going to bed early, when a knock came on the door.

"Hey, sorry to disturb you... uhm, I noticed you didn't eat dinner properly because of the cameras, so I saved you some food for later."

He noticed? Seulgi had felt a little insecure to eat in a home-like setting with cameras surrounding her, so much that she only took small portions and ate unnaturally. She didn't think it was that unnatural that she'd be obvious.

She rushed to the door and opened it. "Oh my God, do you think people will notice that?" her immediate words to him as Taeyong stood puzzled.

"Notice what?"

"That I was eating for the camera? It's not like I'm trying to show off I'm healthy or anything, I just felt weird with the cameras there..."

Taeyong smiled and held her shoulder to stop her rambling on. "It didn't look that bad, and I doubt they'll use our first dinner footage considering we barely spoke." he chuckled, albeit a little awkwardly. "But I noticed you didn't eat properly, and they're all gone now, so come down and finish it off. I was craving a little dessert too, heard there's ice cream in the fridge." he left with a smile, leaving Seulgi's heart to flutter.

Stop it, you barely know him...

Sighing she followed behind, and saw how he had plated a new plate of food for her, and two empty dessert cups next to it for the said later ice cream. Seulgi had never felt this touched by a man before. One of the reasons she never dated was because of the things she saw her friends go through, although some did end up with their supposed forever lovers now, there was a lot of trial and error they had gone through.

Stop it, stop it...

She sat opposite to him on the small dining table and started to eat while watching him in the kitchen preparing them drinks. He got some lemonade out for them and gave her a glass. "I hope this is OK, I noticed you don't drink alcohol much, so I got this instead." he poured some out and placed it next to her plate.

Stop it... her heart paced faster, while her mind tried keeping her smart. But she could tell which was winning. She smiled back, nodding at him in gratitude before taking a sip of her drink and start eating.

Taeyong watched her silently, smiling every time she hummed in pleasure at the food. Seeing her able to be in her own self without the pressure of cameras around her. He felt it too, but he could tell the insecurity was higher for her.

"Should we get to know each other better?" he spoke up, getting her attention as she stared perplexed. "I know we kinda did that in the first meeting, but I feel like we didn't really get to talk as much as we should have as a potential couple..."

Seulgi stared a little longer, feeling an odd sense of worry in her chest. "You... you're really taking this whole thing seriously huh?" she asked, her voice filled with doubt.

The smile disappeared from his face so fast, Seulgi realised her mistake in asking in such a tone. He bit his lip, looked down at the table, then back up with a much sadder smile.

"I'm sorry, I kinda assumed you were in it seriously too... but I guess it's better to know now than in the end."

"What do you mean seriously?" she asked, trying to be sympathetic, although she felt bad for ruining his expectations.

Taeyong sighed. "Well, I joined this in hopes to find someone for real. Considering my time as a teacher, I haven't had the best of luck in finding a long term relationship. My friend works in production and told me about this, and I had a lot of paid leaves left, so I figured it's the perfect chance for me to find someone." he stopped and watched her expressions, noticing a look of guilt. "What about you? What made you join if you're not really into it?"

Seulgi silently thought for a while, debating how honest she should be with him. Her answer, completely. "My mum signed me up for this because I wasn't, as she said, taking the initiative myself of finding someone. Truthfully I like to keep busy at the hospital, and... I don't mean to sound rude but I've just seen dating go wrong for a lot of my friends so it never came across me to go for it. When I came into this though, I honestly didn't have expectations, I was just gonna see how everything goes.."

She felt a weight off her chest having finally have been honest bout this with someone. But she still felt bad, feeling as though she wasted his chance at a proper relationship. She warrily watched his expression, noticing he seemed very deep in thought all of a sudden.

"So, you're not entirely closed off to the idea of a relationship coming out of all this right?"

"I guess not?" she answered more like a question.

He smiled again, a little reluctantly though. "Well, we have another three weeks. How about you give us a chance? I am hopeful that after this show we might actually be something. I mean, I think you're a great person, I'd love to get to know you more."

>>>

Seulgi couldn't believe herself as she put her arms through the dress she decided to wear for their date night. Two weeks in and suddenly she found herself excited and putting in effort to look her best, something she never would have done even three months back.

Not that she went out looking sloppy, but the way she was stressed now about looking good, she never would have imagined.

As it turned out, Taeyong was great to her. Besides music and dancing, she found out their shared love of art and photography, and how he was just as career focused as she was, except he had realised sooner he felt empty from loneliness while Seulgi assumed she was simply unproductive.

Another thing she realised, and so did Taeyong, was that she did better off camera, and she couldn't have been more relieved when he didn't bother her with it and instead matched her energy. On camera, they kept things civil and formal, while when they turn off the two get comfortable with each other, talking and laughing to no end sometimes.

Their current date was on camera, and that was another thing she worried about. It would be their final week together in the house, and she was nervous as to what would the end result be. As she finally stepped out of the room, she looked around before going to the living room, seeing that Taeyong had already gotten ready and sat waiting for her.

"Hey." she called softly, smiling when he looked up, eyeing her up and down as if in awe of her looks. "Let's go?"

"Oh yea, yes." he stumbled his words a bit before getting up in a haste, heading to the front door and opening it for her. She chuckled at his sudden clumsiness, but it was something she had learned to appreciate. After closing the door behind then, Taeyong went ahead and helped her into his car as well, and like before giving her the option to pick their music for the drive.

It wasn't any longer than half an hour when they arrived at a rooftop restaurant, where they sat and immediately indulged in the food. Seulgi noticed the director signalling them to interact more, and though nervous she tried her best, relieved again as Taeyong didn't mind it too much himself.

Before long they were done, and the cameras stopped filming as the crew began to pack away to move back to the house, when the director suddenly came up to the two at their table looking strict.

"Ms Kang, I'm not sure how the two of you will end your relationship, but for once could you show something on camera? Your segments are so far the most boring, you're not captivating the audience, I get you might not enjoy this but for as long as you signed up for it give us something to work with."

Seulgi felt her throat close up, as if she lost all ability to speak completely. The man wasn't yelling, but the stern voice was enough to scare her, and all she could do was whisper a soft apology bowing her head slightly. A sudden hand grabbing hers caught her off guard further, and she looked up to see Taeyong standing right by her, squeezing her hand in reassurance.

"We apologise sir, Seulgi just doesn't do well in front of cameras, so please there is no need to cause a commotion. I mean, it's our last week anyways."

"Mr Lee I'm sorry but this doesn't concern you. It is the last week, but we've never intervened before considering her comfort of getting along with you, but as it is the last week our writers and producers have had complaints all around. Like I said, her cuts have been boring, so please just for these last few days give us something to end on a good note."

The crew decided to stop filming for the rest of the night, figuring everyone needed some rest after that slight conflict of interest. Taeyong drove Seulgi back in silence, despite there being no cameras or mics on them, as he noticed her upset. He felt bad, knowing how she was here reluctantly yet she attempted her best yet it wasn't enough, and although he knew where she went wrong, he didn't think she deserved that intervention.

As they reached the house and he parked the car, he quickly reached over and held her hand before she could leave. Seulgi stopped undoing the seat belt and looked at him confused, sitting back comfortable when seeing his sad smile at her.

"Let's sit for a bit." she sighed at his suggestion, looking out the window as he took her hand in both his, rubbing his thumb over the back of hers. "Don't get disheartened, they mean well, but it's not your fault."

"It is..." she suddenly pulled her hand away, her voice filled with sudden bitterness. "It's always been my fault. That's why I'm here, my mother is sick of me being this way, I don't know why I am but I hate it too..."

"What do you mean?" Taeyong asked confused by the sudden outburst, further shocked when noticing her teary eyes.

"I've never been good at... socialising, and communication... whenever someone had asked me out I'd shut them out almost immediately because I wouldn't know how to react. Like as long as we're aquintances or friends I'm good, but then moment anyone tries to go further, I get all closed off..."

By now she had wiped her eyes few times trying to stop the tears running down her cheeks, but it was a failed attempt when she noticed Taeyong handing her a tissue. She took it reluctantly and wiped her face, before rushing to get inside the house and into her bedroom.

>

Seulgi felt bad. Taeyong had genuinely been concerned for her, even stood up for her, and all she did was have an outburst before shutting herself away. Again. She wanted to get back to him, but she didn't know how. She had already washed up and changed into some shorts and a lounge shirt, and she figured by now Taeyong would have done the same.

She wanted to go out to him badly, but again she didn't know how. Not until knocks came on her door and she scurried up to open it, her heart shaking at the sight of the said man holding two ice cream cups and spoons smiling at her.

"I figured you'd wanna have something for dessert, to feel better."

For some reason, Seulgi felt unable to control herself. Before she knew it she had thrown herself towards Taeyong, hand around his neck while her face hid in his shoulder, body tight to his as she hugged him and all of a sudden let out a sigular loud sob. With his hands full, Taeyong wasn't sure what to do but wrap his arms around her as well, slowly walking her into her room to place the ice cream and spoons onto the vanity table and then hug her back properly.

Though he wasn't entirely sure, he felt she needed nothing but an embrace at this very moment. And that's exactly what he gave her as they stood in the middle of the room in silence, still hugging, his one hand around her waist while the other rubbed her back up and down.

After a few minutes Seulgi finally lifted her head up, turning to him slowly as she felt embarrassed from what had just happened. But she also felt calm, comforted, peaceful, unlike ever before as their eyes slowly met. Taeyong gave her a quick smiled, but the longer they stared his smile suddenly disappeared, but not from negativity.

She figured she was still at no control of herself, not when Seulgi realised her face had moved closer to his, noses almost touching as his eyes trailed down to her lips, and before Taeyong himself could think any longer she had sealed their lips together, kissing him softly but with need.

As realisation hit of what she had done, she pulled away just as quickly. "Shit..." she tried to push away from Taeyong's hold, but this time he held her closer and they kissed again. Her hands threaded through his hair, tugging on his locks as their kiss deepened, body's pressing together closer. As they pulled away to breath, Seulgi quickly hid head face into his chest, causing him to chuckle which she felt as his chest vibrated.

"The ice-cream will melt." he whispered, making her look up to his shy smile. "Let's enjoy it, together." he let go of her and grabbed the tubs again, sitting on her bed and signalling her over. Seulgi was confused more than ever, but went along with it.

>>>

The crew were delighted, noticing something was different from the night before, and although it was the final three days of filming the couple, the slight change in Seulgi's on camera demeanor was enough for them to be satisfied. She had been smiling more, especially when the two spoke, and showing more expressions. On the second last day, she even laughed out at the moment Taeyong tripped and dropped his water bottle over himself.

"That's a wrap." the director called out later in the evening. "Good job everyone, and great progress Ms Kang. As tomorrow is the last day, it has been planned by the writers in advance so you will receive instructions later tonight."

They had been in the backyard of the house, having a quick dinner while talking about whatever they could think of. The moment the staff had left, Seulgi started clearing away their cutlery when a sudden splash took her attention, and she turned to see Taeyong, in nothing but his shorts, wading around the pool.

"What are you doing?" she called out to him, putting the plates down again a little further away.

"Come on, it's relaxing. Jump in."

Hesitant, Seulgi thought for a minute before deciding to just go for it. She went inside, changed into a swimsuit she found, and quickly came back out jumping in, laughing as the water splashed into Taeyong's face. She quickly tried waddling away, but he was faster as he chased behind and splashed her back, and they soon started a water fight.

With the sun almost setting and the wind gentle, Taeyong couldn't help stare at the woman in front of him who looked beautiful as always, and a sudden sadness filled in him that it was their last day together, unofficially at least. Unable to help himself, he went closer to her slowly as Seulgi wiped her eyes, her attention taken away when feeling arms around her waist. She looked up at him a little surprised, but his warm smile was enough to put her at ease as she smiled back, her hands now placed on his shoulders.

As their bodies slowly got closer, Seulgi realised he was top naked, and started biting her lower lip with her eyes off to a corner in shyness, causing Taeyong to laugh.

"Are you nervous?" his sudden question got her to look back at him, and she noticed the slight worry in his eyes.

"About what?"

"Tomorrow." his one hand moved to push some of her wet hair off her face. "It's our last night together, and tomorrow... well, I'm nervous." Her hands wrapped around his neck as she suddenly pulled herself closer to him.

"Why?"

"Well... what's your verdict?" Seulgi realised what he was talking about, and knew she shared the same worry. "Do you wanna continue this afterwards?" his questions left her speechless. She came into this program with no motivation on being involved with whoever she would be with. But now she was confused.

Did she like Taeyong enough to have a relationship? Sure they kissed that one time, but they never spoke about it after.

"What's yours?" that was all she managed to let out, afraid she might say the wrong thing otherwise. She watched as he bit his lip, looking down at the water then back up at her.

"I don't want to force you into something you don't want." oddly, his answer frustrated Seulgi, and it was evident as a frown appeared on her face. "I mean, my answer depends on yours, if you don't want to then neither will I."

"You're such a coward." Seulgi let out before she could think or realise what she said, catching herself and him off guard. She quickly pulled away from his hold, backing away slightly before he caught her hand, preventing her from getting any further.

"Why am I a coward?"

"I'm sorry..." she sighed, but figured it's best to be honest with him at this point. "I didn't mean it like that. I just don't like that you're leaving the final decision on me. Why is it my responsibility only for our relationship to work?"

Taeyong was further confused, pulling her closer by her arm then holding both her hands. "That's not how I mean it to be. I just don't want to put you in an uncomfortable situation. I mean, you said it yourself, you're just here because your mother sent you. I wasn't gonna make you be our reason to not work out, I just thought it's best to figure out our position now so that there's no awkward tension tomorrow in front of everybody else." he sighed as he finished speaking, noticing the slight worry on her face.

That's when he realised what she was doing, closing herself off again. Only this time, Taeyong was determined to break her out of her shell. If their relationship was going to fail, he wanted it to be on proper reasons, and shying away out of fear or hesitation was not going to cut it for him.

He slowly pulled her even closer, encasing her within his arms again as his forehead rested on hers, sending her into shock again as her body froze up.

"Let go how you really feel Seulgi." he whispered. "It's now or never, and I'd regret myself if you hide away again." this time, his lips were first on hers, nothing more than a soft peck. That was until her hands circled around his neck and kissed him back. Taeyong smiled through their kiss, tightening his hold around her as their kiss deepened, happier when he felt her pulling them closer to the point their legs entangled underwater.

Once they pulled away, Seulgi for the first time didn't shy away. Maybe it was what he said that really got to her, or maybe she finally felt open and comfortable with him enough, but instead she looked at him directly and smiled, eyes glimmering with hope.

>

"Let's move on to our next couple, Taeyong and Seulgi." the interviewer spoke as the couple were next to walk onto the patio where she had been speaking to the coupled before them.

It was the final day of filming, and as mentioned the crew had already pre-planned the itinerary, with every couple coming in separately to get interviewed about their experience and outcome. So far three other couples had positive results, and Seulgi and Taeyong were the second last to be called on. She wiped her hands on her skirt, feeling how sweaty they were from sudden rush of nerves, but one look at Taeyong and she suddenly felt better as he smiled at her before they got to the table.

"So, Seulgi, apparently you were quite closed off at the beginning of the show, is that right?" embarassed, Seulgi nodded with a nervous chuckle. "How was that for you Taeyong?"

Taeyong hummed as if in thought, even though he already had an answer. "Honestly, I didn't mind it. Obviously no one would be completely comfortable with somebody they just met, let alone living under one roof, so yea it took her some time but we had a lot of nice conversations. I think that's something I really appreciate about Seulgi, being able to have good conversations with her." his eyes drifted towards Seulgi, who looked back at him in awe at his unexpected answer.

"Oh my, that's quite touchy." the interviewer cheered. "How about you Seulgi? How did you feel about Taeyong after your initial meeting?"

Seulgi was still taken aback by his answer, but she had one ready to go as well. "I think my favourite moments were our conversations as well, especially when it was just two of us. Like you said I was a bit closed off, but on our own time he was still patient with getting to know me, and I really love that about him." the words left her mouth before she could finish, causing her to hand to clasp over her mouth while the interviewer gasped, and Taeyong stared in happy shock.

"Did you say love?" he teased her.

"I meant, your personality wise, like... being patient... uhm-"

"Well, I love your insightfulness, and your laugh." he suddenly replied, and although Seulgi knew it was to defuse her awkward position, which itself melted her heart, she could also tell he was being genuine.

"Oh my God you two must have gotten really close. Can I conclude this as a success story?"

The couple instinctively looked at each other with knowing eyes, before Taeyong smiled and turned to the interviewer.

"We still have a long way to go, but I guess you could say it was destiny."

>>>

"God, you were so cliche back then." Taeyong scowled at the words coming out of his wife, who laid next to him on her phone watching the three year old clip on youtube.

"Yea well, this cliche man was the one who you married, so needless to say my charms worked."

Seulgi chuckled, putting her phone away and turning towards her husband, throwing her arm around his torso as she cuddled closer. He laid his arm out for her to rest on, fingers playing with her hair as they got comfortable enough to fall asleep.

"I wouldn't have had it any other way." they shared a quick kiss, before laying back down and closing their eyes, both knowing he was right back then.

>>>

omg I forgot if this ask is a year or more, so sorry for the delay anon!🙏🏼 like I said, this exam season got my nerves so high I'm binge writing a few things together again lmao so I hope you enjoyed this still! took me a little extra thought for it bcuz ngl I've NEVER watched dating shows😅 so not sure if the format is what you expected (or if it made any sense😬)

[nectardaddy]

hello dodger and a very happy self ship friday to you here are my self ship questions!! i am asking a lot of them bc these prompts are so good also im curious abt suga

pre: 1,6

general: 1, 9

love: 2, 8

domestic: 2, 13

self ship asks !

get ready for a novel molly ily <333

How did they first meet?

we met in a teacher prep program in college! most education majors have all the same classes together (especially at smaller schools) so we never really had a moment away from each other. he was either the only, or one of like two, men in the entire program. he was wanted by everyone who likes men in that gd major let's be real. we got assigned to do a project together to make a unit plan :))))

What was their "flirting stage" like?

our flirting was roasting the shit out of each other. HOWEVER he would do small things like get me coffee "just because he passed it" when it was most definitely out of the way. he would always compliment me in some way and it sent me to the stratosphere every single time. his flirting was more subtle unlike mine because I would full on short circuit and stumble out a compliment or ask about his day because I was down horrendously.

Who initiated the relationship, and how did they go about it?

he did (THANK GOD). sort of forward about it too? like not full on "do you want to go on a date?' but like asking if I wanted to do something and then tagging on "like a date" at the end. I also definitely see us going on a few dates and in his head we are already together so when he calls me his partner I'm so confused and he hits me with the "omfg did I not ask you??" y e a h

Who gets jealous easier?

I answered this from honee here! god I want to EAT HIM

What are their primary love languages?

suga likes giving words of affirmation and receiving physical touch while I like giving gifts (I am a trinket connoisseur like a fucking crow) and receiving physical touch as well. while it clashes sometimes, especially with words of affirmation (I am NOT good with words) we make it work by genuinely not leaving each other tf alone and constantly touching one another. he also has a whole little shelf dedicated to all of the bullshit trinkets I give him, probably has some at school too. I eventually conjoined both my love for giving gifts and his need for words of affirmation. he probably has about 20 rocks that came with the stupid ass note of "you rock" or some euphemism "you make me rock hard" I would totally do this and that makes me want to die

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

now this may go against what I said in the last one, it makes sense in my head though hear me out. we are both teachers. during the school week about 2 hours after we get home we REFUSE to touch each other. we are both so ungodly overstimulated and the thought of being touched and cuddled makes us both want to crawl in our own skin. those times are for verbal affection. anytime after those 2 hours it is most definitely physical affection (ig this counts as verbal affection as well) but I have moments where I self deprecate and I most definitely see him just yelling at the top of his lungs "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT IM GOING TO THROW SOMETHING AT YOU YOU'RE PERFECT SHUT YOUR MOUTH" also the man to hold my hand and physically move me so he's on the side of the sidewalk that's closest to the street

If they get married, who proposes, and how do they do it? Would they change their surnames?

suga better fucking propose bc I sure as hell am NOT doing it lmao. that would make me throw up from anxiety, I think I would genuinely have a stroke if I even for a second thought I had to propose we definitly have a conversation about it before hand though, so he 10000000% knows if he proposes to me in public I'm punching him right in his fucking nose. bc THAT would make me so gd anxious I'd probably throw up before I said yes. but him, being himself, he would make it the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen and wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut about it. he is also a gentleman and tells my stubborn ass to get my nails done before (I am terrible at this I let them grow out for so long) and I would hyphen my name (like it is now yayyyy) bc I'll be damned if I take a MANS name just to change my own. no shade to those that want to do that or have done that, it just doesn't sit right with me. so it would be (my last name) - sugawara. it would be long as hell and a hassle to anyone at the dmv but we ball

Do they have any "couple traditions", or family traditions?

THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE!!! RAHHHHH IM YAPPING (also includes sexual themes** OOPS SORRY LMAO) so I celebrate pagan holidays (samhain, yule, solstices, etc...) he is wholeheartedly HERE FOR IT! the one that pops to my head immediately (and all practices are different this is just how I do mine) the 12 days leading up to yule (dec 21) you make wishes and burn them randomly each day, the wish you didn't burn on the 21 is the wish that YOU work on (all the rest will happen organically). he does this with me <3333 he makes his own wishes and everything!!! he gets really into it and tries to guess the wish I didn't burn before I tell him <33 **I also had the thought about celebrating ostara (spring equinox) and this may just be too foul for main BUT it's basically celebrating new growth, the start of spring, and....fertility. this man will wholeheartedly ask, EVERY YEAR, "should we fuck on ostara to really LOCK IN the vibes?" yeah...y e a h but a tradition that isn't apart of a holiday is just going on a date every weekend. we force ourselves to do SOMETHING on the weekend to combat stress from school. whether that's staying in and doing something or physically going on, we have to do something and it's written in stone at this point

[lesbian-cal-kestis]

It's my 18th birthday in approximately three weeks, so I'd like to share a little extra about myself. Nothing vital, per se, just some sweet father-child relationship stuff.

My dad is the one that originally got me into Star Wars at the ripe age of 9, if my memory serves me correctly. I was home from school due to a power surge caused by a thunder storm at my primary school, and he suggested we watch some movies to pass the time.

The movies he suggested?

All six of the Star Wars movies that were out at that point in time.

Although he made the mistake of starting with The Phantom Menace (child me and my limited focusing capabilities was bored to the high heavens), they were easily ranked as the best movies I had seen in my life. I doubt it would mean a lot, coming from a kid, but at seventeen? I still think they're the best movies I've seen in my life.

Not because of the theatrics or the CGI, or anything else like that.

Because I got to watch them with my dad. My dad, who barely had enough time to do things like this with me. My dad, who worked in the mines as a FIFO (fly-in-fly-out) worker, solely to provide me with a good start in life.

I got to watch them with him. And it was the most significant part of my life. I even wore a Padawan braid all throughout year six, which had me on the receiving end of odd stares from my private school teachers, but it made me happy.

Not long after we watched the movies, he told me about how when A New Hope first came out, he begged my grandfather to see it in the cinemas with him as he was a nine-year-old at the time (A New Hope was released in 1975, keep in mind).

He's seen every star wars movie since.

He's watched every show.

And it brings warmth to my heart, knowing that my old man shares an interest that's the same as one of mine. Knowing that long after he's gone, he'll be there with me whenever I rewatch Revenge Of The Sith for the nth time. Watching with me and smiling.

Anyways that being said I'm planning on getting a cal kestis lightsaber tattoo done along my spine next year or the year after that, providing I have enough money after my paramedic courses. And I'm getting my dad a replica of Qui-Gon Jinn's lightsaber, because Qui-Gon is his favourite Jedi

TL;DR my dad got me into star wars

[kerizaret]

One billion sunflower attack 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻‼️‼️‼️

OH MY that sure js. A lot of sunflowers. Alright give me a moment

Heere we go. Enjoy your keri facts and thoughts spam

1. LOOK AT WHAT MY FRIEND GAVE ME TODAY!!... MY CLOWNZ... STICKERS

2. I used to want to dye my hair red as a kid but everyone always compliment my hair colour a lot that it felt wrong to do that, until at some point I've grown to love that hair colour myself and now I don't ever want to dye it

3. I kinds want to play genshin just to live through that new quest in mondstadt because that eas my main obsession before prsk and I miss them. But my laptop won't run thst shit 😭💔

4. I really want to someday make a wxs animation to soramafuurasaka's "RPG" kinda like i did it for jay's kwko ocs and "Hanabami" but I don't feel confident i can pull that off rn LMAO

5. I actually really love sunflowers they're gorgeous flowers. Definitely in my top 5. I don't want to claim them though because to me they will always be a flower that reminds me of my grade 1-3 primary school teacher who I love a lot

6. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't go the language path if I wouldn't actually try doing theatre. But idk if I'd be cut out for it anyway haha. But I do love acting a lot

7. We had lasagna today and once again I am reminded just how much I love cheese and meat. That's like the best combo there is to me

8. I kind of want to buy myself a tsukasa wig to complete the cosplay but I'm too embarrassed to do it...

9. I want to make myself wxs themed earrings from shrinking foil. I will do it I just have to come up how

10. It may not seem like it but I am actually a really competitive person who also hates to lose i just try not to show it a lot 😭

11. I still really want to learn how to play flute. My fav instrument

12. "Let's see whose ice burns colder" is still one of if not the favourite line from a fic I've wrote because someone loved it so much they drew fanart of the fic with it and I have it hanged on my wall it means the world to me

13. One of my biggest regrets from childhood so far is that I didn't get to join girl scouts in like 4th/5th grade because I had English class at the time of their meetings </3

14. I miss tsukasa getting angry in stories please let him snap at someone again </3 (<- if this actually manifests something painful and angst but related for wxs wle2 I am so sorry)

15. I actually have a mind headache since yesterday it is kind of annoying. It kinda comes and goes i guess so its not that bad though

16. Silly desire is to someday do a polish fandub of some scenes for prsk characters for fun for myself unfortunately I dont feel comfy to do it at home where people can listen in </3

17. I have plans to make myself a motivation notebook but I have been procrastinating on it for a good. Probably two years now LMAO

18. I often forget to put in earbuds to listen to music or forget to play a paused song because the music plays so vividly in my head I just think I have them in my ears/have it turned on

19. I miss writing poems but I cant find the words now

20. Oh my god what do you mean this is still only 20. There's so much to go. Also btw I don't like uneven numbers at all they just make me so annoyed. Except for 5 it's a honorary even number but it's still there at the bottom

21. Also 6 is my lucky number or at least it always felt that way

22. I try not to be superstitious but sometimes I find myself believing that something but it's usually something I come up with myself. I used to think that if you walk side by side with a friend but have to step away from each other for a moment to not walk into an obstacle on your way amd each of you goes on the different side of the obstacle that means you will get into an argument with that friend soon. I don't know where it came from

23. Think amethyst is my favourite rock

24. I love all polysho pairings but out of all of them emukasa are like the most qpr to me. Like theyre not exactly romantic they are something different to me. I csnt explain it but they just have something Different about their dynamic. But the love is just as strong they care each other So Much

25. The tsukasa sticker on the back of my phone case is Dead and Erased and Gone but somehow it feels wrong to change him (I will soon)

26. I don't like eating sweet things in the evening, it feels wrong and like suddenly I Don't Like them even if normally I like that food

27. I'm stuck between wanting to pull for emu5, tsukasa birthday gacha or saving until anni for anni nene, bfes rui and fes rui (dream pick).... this game gacha SUCKSSS

28. I think the little prince themed tsukasa bloomfes could work but I don't think that will happen </3

29. Also wxs should totally do a stage performance based on andersen's nightingale fairytale. Tsukada as the emperor nene as the nightingale and robonene as the mechanical one. Rui as some palace servant and emu as that girl who leads them to the bird and also death bc j think it could be fun (also I am playing this tale this year as thr emperor and I thought jt fit a lot)

30. I want to have my hair braided into a lot of those tiny braids for a few days but I don't know if my mom would agree to do it for me (it takes a lot of time) (I can't braid it myself it's too detailed)

31. I want to rewatch sk8 but I fear I'll get frustrated again at the way they handled reki's arc (it eas good but I was sad he got isolated for it and nobody supported him through his feelings which were so valid instead was more like told to get over it by himself) (at least I remember feeling that was when I first watched it snd it made me rly sad)

32. I want to try learning Chinese one day too maybe...

33. I made second breakfast for my sister for school todsy and it made me feel really happy somehow. It was nice to make something for her. I didn't even feel tired though j didn't sleep much somehow

34. I can't handle horror <//3 I'm a scaredy cat 😔

35. I really should be revising for a test in two days but I cant for the life of me get myself to sit on it lmao. But I fel kinda nice that i was one of the people that understood it the most during class and also it is pretty interesting to me. Linguistics beloved <3

36. I've been wondering if I want to be in a relationship ever or not. I can't decide on an answer. or who I'd want it to be with if yes. But don't think too much about it

37. I'm actually not a great cook haha I'm still learning how to do it

38. I don't like spinach but one of my favourite cakes is made with spinach. I was so shocked when i learnt that you can make cake with spinach lmaoo. Om the contrary i love broccoli but broccoli soup? Mmfhh... it disgusts me a bit. I do love tomatoes in any form tho 👍

39. Forget-me-nots are in my top 3 favourite flowers. My first fandom oc had hair that colour

40. I have a pen with my name engraved on it that I got as a graduation gift from my school for my grades. Unfortunately I can't write with a pen because I write really fast and it smudges too much </3

41. I Have to take notes in a physical notebook in class also. Like I just don't know, not taking notes physically makes me learn so much worse, and i kind of enjoy it anyway

42. If you've read this far congrats! you get a cookie because I don't know if you like hugs 🍪 I actually mightve joined tumblr months before I did at first bc I saw someone here was doing kaejean week and I was deep into that ship at the time, but then I didn't have time to actually do any prompt and then I switched fandoms and then remembered about this site months later lmao

43. I love you <3

OK I'm leaving this here lmao I thought I'd do all 74 sunflowers you sent but I've been dojng this for over am hour and am barely over halfway this is surprisingly difficult lmaoo. I tried my best 🫡 thank uou for the ask and for reading this far i hope you find these fun!

[gillianthecat]

I have got to get over my grudge against face filters or face-tuning or whatever it's called when they blur the actor's face so their skin is completely smooth and texture free and very pale and has no dimensionality.

I'm watching Light On Me, and I'm charmed by all the characters, but I keep getting distracted by the fact that none of them look like human beings. grrr. Like, it kind of fits the comic book tropey-ness of the story, but I still would prefer to see their god danged faces.

(Fun fact: Shin Woo's actor's face is the reason I started watching Light On Me in the first place. Kang Yoo Soek has a small part in Beyond Evil, and within a minute of his appearance on screen I was like, who is THAT???👀, and immediately went to MDL to see what else he was in. Turns out he was in a BL! so I decided it was finally time to check this one out. Maybe I'm just resentful about them hiding his face from me. On the other hand, Beyond Evil and Light On Me are from the same year, and he looks a decade younger in the latter, so I guess the filtering helps with that? idk, I'd prefer everyone's real faces. But I realize that with this, as in many things, I am not the target audience.)

My thoughts on Light On Me so far (im on episode 3 oops, actually it was 4): It feels like a high school romance comic book aimed at 12 year olds come to life. Which is not at all a criticism! But the aesthetic—bright, flat lighting, wide open spaces, saturated pastels and primary colors, the aforementioned face filtering—along with the trope filled, bare bones nature of the story give it this artificial feel. I don't read comic books, manga or manwha of any genre, so I could be wrong in this comparison, but it does tell like it exists outside of the real world in the same way that Disney Channel kids shows do (though not in the same world.) The characters, so far, don't feel like they exist outside of the story, not shallow, exactly, just that the rest of their lives and relationships are a vague blur, and the initial conflict—Shin Woo doesn't want Tae Kyung to join the student council!—feels like the sort of artificially induced high stakes of a kid's show. The—gasp—pratfall with a dildo.

I probably sound judgmental, but that's partly because super fluffy shows aren't my thing in general, and partly because I'm in a weird mood right now where even the real world doesn't feel all that real to me, but I reiterate, this is not a criticism. The show is creating a certain feel to tell a certain story, and (so far at least) it's doing it effectively.

And I am intrigued by the story, and the characters! Tae Kyung who has been convinced by the wise teacher to try making friends. Da On, the student president who is so kind and can't say no to anyone. Shiwoon, the class clown who can see what's happening but won't get involved. So Hee, the girl from the sister school, persistent in her three year (!) crush. And of course tsundere Shin Woo, possibly with some internalized homophobia, and who we know, based on Shiwoon's hints and the laws of Romance Tropes, must have a crush on the new boy and can't handle it.

The taundere seme is a trope I love when it works well, and loathe when it's bad, and I think it's working here for me because Tae Kyung is such a weirdo. He's no blushing maiden uke, he's blunt and doesn't care that's he's awkward, and still not sure if he wants to even bother with other human beings. It makes Shin Woo's attraction to him more specific and real, and makes me curious to see how their dynamic develops.

So even though the character don't feel anchored to any reality outside of what we see on screen, in the small slice of a tv world they do exist in they seem complex and worth getting to know.

(They also intrigue me enough that part of me wants to see these same characters and conflicts, but framed in more gritty realism style, like that of Weak Hero Class One. I think there's enough there to make it work! But that's more about my personal taste than anything else.)

edit: not that Weak Hero Class One is exactly realistic. But it's a different kind of fairy tale atmosphere. One that sometimes gets called "gritty realism."

[gffa]

choose violence 🥰✨: 3 (altho to avoid the Drama™ it should be more related to something silly I don't want u to die to answer this lmao), 7, 9, 10, 20, 21 (v curious about the last two actually)

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr NO NO I AM HAPPY TO DO THIS ONE because it is my favorite worst take I've ever seen: "Did you know that Darth Vader and the Empire must have freed all the slaves because we never see any slaves in the original trilogy!" THEY WERE SERIOUS. (Pssst, nobody tell them about Oola.) My other favorite worst take I've ever seen: "We are allowing people to express themselves too much because I just saw people shipping Obi-Wan and Anakin, they're writing all these fics about love, and they shouldn't do that! I also saw people shipping Gojou and Geto from Jujutsu Kaisen and they are FRIENDS, they shouldn't LOVE each other!" Absolutely stellar, no notes, phenomenal, 10/10. 7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them? It is an absolute struggle not to get sucked into the whirlwind around Qui-Gon Jinn's character. He's so often used as a weapon against the other Jedi, when the reality of his character is that he's both a lovely person and kind of an actual asshole in the movie, he's a dick to Jar Jar! He only cares about Anakin because of the prophecy! But he also is genuine about his affections and he was a good teacher to help Obi-Wan come into himself! He's absolutely HILARIOUS when he's not giving a shit throughout all the batshit stuff that happens in the first 20 minutes of the movie! But so much of fandom wants to flatten him out into either lionizing him or demonizing him and, if that made it more fun for people, I'd be more onboard! Hell, yeah, lionize the hell out of your faves because you love them!! But so few people seem to actually care about the character for himself and, when he gets used to bash the other Jedi, sometimes it's hard to get out of the instinctive urge to dislike the character. (QUI-GON DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS. LET HIM BE AN ASSHOLE CAT THAT WE LOVE.) 9. worst part of canon Honestly, I like pretty much all of Lucas' canon, which is the primary stuff I care about. And most of the boring stuff I can just ignore. But, man, I have trouble with TBB. 20. part of canon you found tedious or boring To be honest, pretty much any of the Star Wars books from the last couple of years that don't focus on established characters. (And some of the established characters, too, I could not finish the Padme trilogy.) I am just so full up on half-sketched characters that never seem to have any real arc to their character or bite to them that I've almost entirely stopped reading SW books, I'm just so bored with them, none of them have Lucas' ability to create a character I want to spend time with or they don't have the page time (like 3+ books worth) to develop them. 21. part of canon you think is overhyped I wouldn't have said this three years ago, but I'll say it today: The Mandalorian. That first season was phenomenal and deserved to be as hyped as it was, just for what it did for breathing enthusiasm back into the fandom. Those early days were amazing, we all got along in fandom, there was genuine affection and zeal for having fun with the characters! But by the time the third season came around, despite that I had a blast during it, it didn't deserve the hype anymore, Favroni had lost their focus or something, and it was all over the place and I don't think it deserves to be "the GOOD Star Wars" live action anymore. (You know what I mean with that.)

[cliperry]

HAPPY DAYS

I sometimes get flashbacks to when I was a kid, and I think my earliest memories are of being at Disney World when I was about five. Everything seemed so big and fun, and I loved it.

The first time I was ever away from my family was when I started going to a nursery called Happy Days. And they really were happy days, to be fair. I always got on really well with the staff, and the lady who owned the centre was also our babysitter, so I probably got to play with the best toys more than the other kids did. I was pretty well-behaved and didn’t get into much trouble. I was more interested in playing than being naughty.

I remember my first day of school quite clearly. My mum came and sat with me in the class, and then, about halfway through the day, she left. All the kids were playing together, but some were crying a bit. I felt fine about it, and I had a few friends there, so I settled in quickly and never minded being there.

My best friend in primary school was a guy called Jonathan. He’s still a good friend of mine now, and I see him all the time. He came to see me on tour, and we always keep in touch.

I was in the school plays from a really young age. Once, I played Buzz Lightyear in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I know that sounds a bit weird, but basically, when the children hid from the Child Catcher in the toy store, they had Buzz and Woody in there, so I got to dress up as Buzz. That was one of my first-ever performances—if you can call it that. I also did a play called Barney about a mouse who lived in a church. I played Barney, and I had to wear a pair of my sister's grey tights and a headband with ears on and sing in front of everyone. I like to think I was a good mouse.

I always loved singing. The first song I knew all the words to was Girl of My Best Friend by Elvis. My dad introduced me to his music, and when I got given a karaoke machine by my granddad, my cousin and I recorded loads of Elvis tracks. I wish I still had them so I could listen to them now.

I liked maths from an early age because we got to use bricks and cubes, and it was fun. But as I got older, I found it harder, so I got much more into English. I could produce really good pieces of writing, and I felt proud when I got an A for my first-ever essay. Unfortunately, I was so easily distracted that I started spending more time chatting with my mates in class or daydreaming, and I never quite reached that standard again.

I liked PE too and played football a lot. When I started playing as a goalkeeper for the local football team, I made friends from other schools as well, which meant I had a lot of mates. I’ve always liked being around people and getting to know new faces, so I’ve always had a wide group of friends.

I was also friends with girls as well as boys. I wasn’t one of those boys who thought girls were smelly and didn’t like them; I was kind of friends with everyone.

I got a bit cheekier as time went on, and when I was about eight or nine, I started testing the boundaries. I'd often try to get one over on the teachers. I also got much more interested in girls.

I only ever got into one fight during my time at school, and that was in primary school. I'm not the type to pick a fight, and if someone ever tried to start one, it would make me laugh more than anything.

When I was seven, my mum and dad divorced, and that was quite a weird time. I remember crying about it when my parents told me they were splitting up, but after that, I was alright. I guess I didn’t really understand what was going on properly—I was just sad that my parents wouldn’t be together anymore. My mum, my older sister Gemma, and I left Holmes Chapel and moved further out into the Cheshire countryside.

Our new home was a pub, and my mum became the landlady. There was a boy called Reg living nearby, and he was the only other kid in the area, so even though he was my sister's age, we used to hang out all the time. The summer we moved there, Reg and I would go to Great Budworth Ice Cream Farm every day, about two miles away. We’d borrow two pounds off our mums, cycle up there, and get an ice cream. I can remember that so clearly. It’s the same ice cream farm I took all the boys to when they came to stay before Bootcamp, and the ice cream is still as good now.

On the subject of girls, when I was about six, I was friends with a girl called Phoebe Fox. Her mum and mine were best mates, and I bought her a teddy bear the same as mine and everything. She was the cutest little girl. I had a few other girlfriends here and there when I was really young, but I didn’t have an actual girlfriend until I was 12. Then I went out with a girl called Emilie, and we were together for quite a long time considering how young we were. She’s still a good friend of mine now. I was also with a girl called Abi. I guess you could say she was my first serious girlfriend.

I’ve been single since the end of 2009, and I’m fine with that. I’m not consciously looking for a girlfriend, but if I meet someone I like, it would be great. I do like being with someone, and if the right person came along, then we’d see what happened.

When I was about 12, we moved back to Holmes Chapel, and that’s when my mum met my stepdad, Robin. I really liked him and was always asking her if he was coming over, but she wanted to make sure that Gemma and I were okay with him being around. She worried about it a lot, so in the end, I used to text him and tell him to come over because I thought he was a really cool guy. I’ve always got on well with him, and I still do now.

I was really pleased when Robin proposed to my mum. He did it completely by surprise while they were watching Coronation Street on Christmas Eve a few years ago. I was at my girlfriend Abi’s house at the time, and I remember getting a call from my mum and how happy I was when she told me they were going to get married. I’m not sure when they’re planning to do it, and even though a few people have suggested this, I don’t think it’s very likely that One Direction will be playing at the wedding.

My mum and I have always been close. I’m such a mummy’s boy. I’m really close to my dad Des as well, and he’s very supportive of everything I’m doing. I think we’re probably quite alike in a lot of ways. My sister and I have generally got on very well too. I know that a lot of siblings argue, and we had our moments growing up, but we hang out a lot now, and she even came on part of the tour with me.

I’ve made a few style mistakes in my time, and sadly there is photographic evidence! My hair has changed a lot over the years. It started white-blond and curly when I was born, then went brown and straight, and then started going curly again when I was 12. The worst thing was probably when I had blond streaks put in it when I was about eight. I looked like a real chav. I thought it was cool when I went to school the next day, but looking back, I looked like a douche.

I lived in tracksuits, and as all I ever wanted to do was go out on my bike, I guess it fit my image. I really enjoyed secondary school, and I worked pretty hard, but I enjoyed myself as well. Life is all about balance.

I played badminton a lot in secondary school. My dad is really good at it, so I got that from him, and I was always really competitive. I liked that it wasn’t the most obvious sport to get into and that you needed quite a lot of skill to play it. I like things that involve skill, and I love anything that’s a bit of a challenge.

At the end of Year Eight, I became mates with a guy called Will, and he became like my brother. We had the same sense of humour and got on really well from the word go. He and a friend called Hayden were keen to start a band, and a guy called Nick had just started playing bass, so he joined them too. They wanted to enter a battle of the bands competition at school, and they needed a singer, so they asked me to try out.

That was a bit of a shock as I’d only ever sung to myself in the shower or car. I knew I could sing a note, but I had no idea how I’d be. Still, I’d always imagined being in a band, so I started practising with them. We sang Summer of ’69by Bryan Adams and Be My Girl by Jet, so we decided to perform them in the competition.

We were all ready to go and started filling out the application form, but we didn’t have a name. It got to the day before the show, and we had to put something down. I suggested White Eskimo, and since we couldn’t think of anything better, we wrote it down. From then on, that’s who we were.

What was weird then was getting used to people knowing who I was. My audition was shown the day before I moved into the house, so all my friends were texting me to say well done. When I headed up to London, we stopped at a petrol station and someone there recognized me, and that was so strange.

Moving into the house was cool, and I didn’t even mind that our room was tiny. It did get pretty grotty because you can imagine what it’s like with five teenage boys sharing a small space. We had a lot of luggage, and there was too much stuff in the room, so it ended up being a bit grim. Apparently, at one point, someone took a swab from the wall and sent it off to a lab for testing, and it had loads of different types of bacteria on it.

We did try to keep the room tidy, but the longer we were in the show, the more stuff we accumulated, and the room seemed to get smaller and smaller. I can’t have disliked it that much, though, because Louis and I are planning to move in together. It must have been bearable.

I have so many great memories of being in the house, especially all the times I went naked. Stripping off is very liberating; I feel so free. It’s always a spur-of-the-moment thing, but no one seemed to mind. I think Mary secretly liked it... I’d become a lot more confident during my time in the show through being in front of so many people, and my confidence came out in my nakedness.

I also used to moon a bit at school because it made me laugh, so I was carrying it on. Sometimes I was totally starkers, and sometimes I wore a thong. My friend Nick bought me a gold snake-print thong for my birthday, and I took it into the house with me because I thought it would be funny, and then I started wearing it.

One time, I had to do a naked video clip for ITV2 where I was standing there with no clothes on, and the boys had to pass various objects across me, keeping certain parts covered. That was the plan, but at one point Zayn didn’t move the object fast enough, and… well, you can imagine the rest.

A CHRISTMAS TO REMEMBER

I think we were all looking forward to having a break over Christmas. I missed the boys quite a lot, but at the same time, it was great to just relax and see my family. Loads of my friends wanted to catch up, so things were quite busy, but I didn’t want people to think that I’d changed or didn’t have time for them or whatever.

Sometimes I’ll be speaking to my mates for a while, and they’ll say, “It’s so weird, you haven’t changed at all,” and that always makes me feel so relieved. Sometimes I stop myself from talking too much about stuff I’ve been doing because, even though it’s my job, I don’t want to seem like I’m showing off or name-dropping.

I would hate anyone to think that I was trying to impress them. I don’t need to—they’re my oldest friends. All of my friends have been so supportive of everything I’ve been doing.

It was frustrating for me because sometimes during the show, I’d get a text, and I’d want to reply straight away, but I’d be whisked away, then everything would go out of my head, which meant I sometimes forgot to reply to people. But all of my friends were so good about it and so understanding when things suddenly became crazy busy.

One of the great things about being on the tour was that we knew where we would be and when, so friends could come and visit us, and we could catch up. It was much easier to organize seeing each other.

A lot of my friends are genuinely happy about how well things have gone so far, and they like asking me questions. That’s how I know who is a genuine friend and who isn’t. I have come across some jealousy, and some people have made comments or distanced themselves from me without actually letting me know.

I’ve tried to talk to them as I always would, but they’re a bit cold with me. When you’ve been close to someone, it’s hard when they start acting that way towards you. I’m not going to chase after people and beg them to be my friend, but I wouldn’t want them to think I don’t care, because I do.

So while some people assume or think I’ve changed, it’s actually them who have changed. There are times when I would like to go home and just be normal, see my mates again, and go to all of the old places.

I enjoy spoiling my family, and there are times when I would love to treat my friends as well, and I know that my true friends won’t think anything of it. I’m not just talking about money. It’s also nice to be able to help people in other ways. For instance, my friend Ben is really talented musically and wanted to get some work experience, so I managed to get him some on the tour and he loved it. I would never have had the opportunity to do something like that before, but I’ll help my mates out in any way that I can.

I’m trying my best to stay as down-to-earth as possible, so I don’t want people doing things for me that I could do myself. Sometimes people think they should get me a bottle of water or some lunch, but I’m capable of picking up my own water, so why should they have to do it?

It’s nice that people offer, and I understand that if we’re really busy and don’t have time to get lunch, or we’re rehearsing on stage and can’t grab a drink, someone may get it for us. But if a bottle of water is in a fridge two feet away from me, I can walk over and get it.

My mum would never let me get away with that sort of thing. If I was at home and I asked her to get me a drink, she’d be like, “You know where the glasses are.” At the same time, it’s funny when I go home now because I’m so used to doing everything myself, but my mum still likes to look after me in a lot of ways, so I feel like a proper kid again when I’m back with my family.

A lot of people say nice things about the band, and we get a lot of praise. Obviously, it’s lovely to hear, and it always puts a smile on your face when someone tells you that you’re good at what you do, but I want to keep my feet on the ground as much as possible.

I would never want to get big-headed. It’s such an unattractive trait, and I can’t imagine myself ever being like that. I always want to be aware of staying true to myself.

I spent Christmas mainly at home with my family. That was the most important thing to me. That, and seeing my friends, which I managed to do a few times. Things had been so busy that all I wanted to do was have a break, watch TV, eat, and sleep. I had such a nice time, doing the same family things we do every year.

One thing that was different was that some fans came to my house over Christmas, and it was so cold that I felt really bad about them being outside. I did go out and see them as much as possible if I was there, but I felt terrible that they were standing in the freezing cold because of me.

As a band, we’ve always said that we’ll never complain about people coming to see us or wanting autographs or photos. They’re the reason we’re doing all of this. We appreciate the support so much. It’s great to know that people like what we’re doing.

Some days I read 100 great Twitter comments, and there may be one from someone saying they don’t like me. If I’m having a bad day for some reason, that’s the one I remember, and it can make me feel a bit down. Then I’ll go back and read the nice messages again, and they’ll lift me. They mean a lot to all of us.

BACK TO THE FUTURE

The New Year meant getting back to work, and we knew it was going to be busy. We had the tour coming up, so we had rehearsals for that, and we also had quite a lot of meetings and gigs, so things were pretty non-stop.

But we’d all had a good break, and we were ready to get back into it.

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HARRY: BACK TO THE FUTURE

One of the first things we did was go to LA. When we got told we were going there, my mouth literally fell open. I love going abroad, but I’d never been to LA and had always wanted to. I’d seen and read so much about it, so I was looking forward to seeing how much of it was true.

LA is something else. Everyone you see looks like they’re famous, but I really liked it as a place. It was really hot there, so we were wearing shorts and t-shirts most of the time, and we got to chill out quite a bit as the hotel we stayed in, the W, had a pool.

What I found weird was that the people over there are so polite. When you get your breakfast brought to you in a hotel in England, they’ll drop it off and barely say a word, but over there they’re so cheerful you want to invite them in to share it with you. This one woman who dropped off my food was like, “Good morning, sir, how’s your day going? Where do you want me to put this good stuff?” They literally couldn’t do enough for you.

We did some recording in this really cool complex where there were loads of different things going on. In one studio, they were recording the backing vocals for Glee, and Randy Jackson’s office was 100 metres away, so we went and met him. He was an amazing guy—so friendly.

We got some time off to go shopping too, so I literally raided Abercrombie and Fitch. Louis reckons I bought every single t-shirt they had in there, but I think he’s exaggerating. I did get quite a few, though. I wish we’d had more time in LA, but we really enjoyed the five days we spent there. It was like I expected it to be, with the sun and the glamorous people, and it’s definitely somewhere I’d like to go back to. I really want to go to Venice Beach and see what that’s like.

HARRY: BACK TO THE FUTURE

We were all quite tired when we landed back in London, but we were soon woken up by the sight of hundreds of fans. It’s become a bit of a legendary story now about us being mobbed, the police being called, and everything. I’d never experienced anything like it in my life.

We’d seen loads of fans at The X Factor, but usually, they were either outside behind a gate or in the audience. And when we meet fans at hotels or outside gigs, they’re usually in small groups. Well, this was definitely not a small group! I was really shocked by the whole experience of having to run through the crowd, but I made myself enjoy it instead of being scared of it, because I knew it was something special.

When we were in the police van afterwards, we all sat there going, “What the hell?” It was almost as if it hadn’t happened—it was so surreal—but looking back on it now, it was an amazing moment.

When tour rehearsals came around, we were well aware that we would have to work really hard. We wanted to put on an amazing show, and we had a lot of new stuff to learn, including dance routines. We were taught things like how to put more energy into moving around, which is hard when you’re in an empty warehouse performing to no one.

We also had to practise putting talking bits in between songs, which also felt weird because we’d be talking to an audience of six crew members, and even they didn’t respond. Getting to put everything we’d learnt into practice was the ultimate pay-off for all the hard work we’d done.

I can’t even begin to describe what it was like when we all stood on the stage together for the first night of the tour in Birmingham. Looking out and seeing all the banners and hearing thousands of people shouting your name… it really doesn’t get much better than that.

We’d performed on The X Factor and we’d done gigs, but nothing compared to this. I had to stand there for a moment just to take it all in, but as soon as we started singing, we were off.

I think even that first arena performance in Birmingham was different from anything else we’d ever done in terms of how much energy we put into it and how much we moved around the stage. It felt almost natural being there, even though it was also completely and utterly surreal.

There were several times when we all looked at each other, and I could tell we were all thinking the same thing: “This is incredible!” The rush you get being on stage in front of so many people is indescribable. I wish everyone could have that feeling.

I can be so tired and feeling like I’m in a bad mood, then I get on stage and I feel amazing. I’m so hyped up when I come off stage that I shout a lot and jump around. There’s no feeling like it.

I loved the tour so much I never wanted it to stop. I didn’t even get homesick because we were so busy we didn’t get time to think about it, but I actually felt really guilty about that.

All in all, we were pretty well-behaved on the tour, but we had our moments—like the fruit fight. At least we didn’t throw any TVs out of windows or anything… but there’s still time.

The wrap party at the end of the tour was good, but we all felt sad saying goodbye to everyone. I was up until about five in the morning, so I was a bit tired the next day, but we had a day off to chill out, so it didn’t matter too much.

When the tour was over, Louis, his mate Stan, my friend Johnny, and I all went off on a skiing holiday together. I’d never been skiing before, and I was desperate to give it a go. We had a brilliant laugh in Courchevel, and I’d love to go back again.

We worked really hard on the album to find the right songs. They needed to be perfect. We wanted our first single to be a big summer song. For instance, when the Black Eyed Peas’ single I Gotta Feeling came out in 2009, it was the song of the summer. When everyone heard it, it reminded them of all the good times they’d had.

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We wanted our first single to be like that and be the song that everyone would remember. The people we got to work with on the album were incredible. Steve Robson is very, very talented and has worked with James Morrison, Take That, and all sorts of people. Working with RedOne and Rami was very cool too because they’re legendary.

It feels so odd to be working in all of these studios that we would never have even dreamed of walking into before we were in the band. It was quite surreal.

Having our first book go to number one in the book charts was also pretty unbelievable. We were excited about it being out there and hoped that some fans would buy it, but we didn’t realize just how many would get it. It was a complete shock and really exciting.

The fans that came along to the book signings were incredible. I got given a lot of turtles because I once said I liked them, and it’s so cool when people remember little things you’ve said and chat to you about them.

We’ve done so many brilliant things this year. Filming the documentary was an interesting experience, but we are used to the cameras now, so we all felt pretty chilled out about it. Photo shoots are always cool too. Even though we’ve done them before, each time it feels like a new experience.

Going on the Alan Titchmarsh Show was a good laugh because it’s one of those shows that everyone has seen. And he was a really nice guy. That was the first proper TV thing we did after The X Factor, so it’s one that we’ll always remember.

HARRY: LOOKING FORWARD

The fans that came along to the book signings were incredible.

LOOKING FORWARD

One of the surprising things about being in the band is how committed fans are to us. Some of them came to loads of dates on the tour. People still don’t expect you to recognize them, though. There was a girl who was in our hotel one day who had been to loads of the tour dates, and she was really shocked that we’d remembered her name and knew who she was—but of course, we do. We remember people just like anyone else would, and it’s nice to have the chance to get to know them properly.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever get used to the press attention. It still feels very strange when I pick up a newspaper and something has been written about me. It sometimes feels like I’m reading about someone else. But as long as people carry on writing nice things about us, I don’t mind.

As a band, we’re having the absolute best time ever. We’ve become better friends than I could ever have imagined, and it’s so nice to have four other lads to share this experience with. If ever one of us is down, the others pick him up, and we’ve got really good at coming up with ideas and putting things into practice as a group. I think we’re going to get tighter and tighter as time goes on.

Out of all the things that we have coming up, what we’re most excited about is getting out on the One Direction tour. We can see a lot more of the fans, and they can see us performing our songs. It’s down to us to show what we’re all about, and we’re looking forward to doing exactly that.

We’ve got a lot of big dreams. We want to have number ones, travel a lot, go back to America, and have as much fun as possible. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

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DARE TO DREAM QUICKFIRE

DOB: 1/02/1994

Star Sign: Aquarius

Favourite Film: Love Actually, The Notebook, Titanic—there are so many (but I tell everyone it��s Fight Club)

Body Part: My hands, because I’ve always been told they’re soft

Food: I love sweetcorn

Album: 21 by Adele

Friend: Louis Tomlinson

Celebrity Lady: Frankie Sandford

Shop: Selfridges

Drink: I’ve been trying to just drink water, but I love apple juice

Colour: Orange

TV Show: Family Guy

Aftershave: Blue by Chanel

Perfume: Alien by Thierry Mugler

Computer Game: FIFA

iPhone App: Texts From Last Night, where people send in texts that they’ve received when they’re drunk. My friend Ali and I send good ones to each other, and some of them are so funny

Way to Spend a Sunday: Asleep or chilling out

Date Venue: Restaurant

Country: England

Restaurant: TGI Fridays

Way to Relax: I love getting massages because I’ve always had a really bad back

Mode of Transport: Dog sleigh

Night Out: Going for dinner with all of my mates

Band: The Beatles, Queen

What Colour Is Your Duvet Cover?: Brown or pink and blue

What Kind of Pants Do You Wear?: Boxer shorts. I like Calvin Klein

First Pet: A dog called Max

HARRY: QUICKFIRE

Do You Like Your Own Company or Other People’s?: The company of people. I like being around friends and family

Last Book You Read: Forever Young by One Direction

Last Five Things You Bought:

A pair of shoes from Supra

An Adidas t-shirt from Selfridges

A Nando’s

Dinner at TGI Fridays

Some toothpaste

What Type of Girls Do You Like?: I don’t have a type, because with some girls I may not find them attractive immediately, but then I really get to like them because their personality is so attractive. I like someone I can have a conversation with, and I would always look for someone who could get on with my parents. It’s important to me that my family like her too.

[positivelyadhd]

ik its not ur usual positivity but THANK YOU so much for that post!!! I feel like "gifted kid burnout" really dominates the conversation and thats only one experience of many.

I was diagnosed with adhd in elementary school and was basically like. "the kid with problems" "lost cause" my entire life. one of my teachers even directly told my mom she should be ashamed of me lol. any successes were like-- "see what you just did? imagine how much more you would be capable of if you didn't have adhd." to the point where I don't even feel any sense of accomplishment for graduating college. it's just one more "failure" i avoided in other peoples eyes. (i dont personally think not graduating college is a failure at all btw, that is just Society's Message™)

this part is kinda tangential but from what i've seen a lot (ofc not all) of gifted kid burnout posts are like, if only i would have been diagnosed earlier all of this could be avoided. and maybe that's true - I understand where it's coming from at least, the frustration of feeling that something is wrong but not knowing what or having that "proof" that you're not just "lazy" etc. im not saying this isn't a valid wish or frustration but in my experience... hoooo boy.

personally being diagnosed with ADHD in the early 2000s, didn't meant you got support, it meant you were written off from the start, adults thought you had no future, you were seen as a "problem child" like it wasn't "oh you're not lazy you just have adhd!" it was "you have ADHD so you are built to be lazy and theres nothing you can do about it lol" so it didn't solve much. just created a different type of problem. im very happy to see things look to be changing though!!

I'm curious if other people had a similar experience and thank you so much for adding the 'diagnosed but not supported' part bc that is so real!!!

Absolutely this!!

My experience with diagnosis and lack of support was strange, but basically my primary (ages 4-11) school (I believe) suspected I had adhd/dyslexia and did offer some (very limited) support. But they also always told my parents they didn't think I had a learning difficulty when they asked because I was in extra programmes. I don't really think the support they did give me really helped all that much, and honestly, when I did get my diagnosis (around 12/13?) I'd spent so long thinking there was just something "wrong" with me that I feel like the lack of diagnosis was a lot more negatively impactful than not receiving support would've been.

My secondary school then managed to flip this and despite me getting my diagnosis part way through, nothing really changed either. Being told I had ADHD/Dyslexia changed me and my understanding of myself. I finally felt like things made sense and there was a reason i found things so difficult, it wasn't that there was something "wrong" with me but the system was not built for me. Although my diagnosis was early compared to some people, it felt late to me, and everything that can happen when you're undiagnosed had already set in.

I wished I'd been diagnosed earlier but honestly, I had a similar experience to you, and I don't think it would've done much. And even when I was finally diagnosed, my school also never really acknowledged my diagnosis and wouldn't put any of the accommodations that I needed in place (despite my diagnosis coming with a report which explained everything they should've been doing to support me and how they could've done it) I didn't get any accommodations for my neurodiversity until I was in uni, and I got my diagnosis in 2015 so at least for me, my experience wasn't that different to yours in the early 2000s.

When I tried to fight for the accommodations I should've been given, I was told that I would pass my exams, and so it didn't really matter, they didn't believe going through the hassle of giving me accommodations would help me (although the diagnosis report itself said otherwise.) I always felt similarly to you, I could scrape by but "imagine how much better you'd do without dyslexia/adhd" but I also had this weird "well because you're "gifted" you can get average grades, you don't need support!" message as well?

And yeah, just like you, I didn't really feel as accomplished as I should've done when I finished uni. I'm proud of myself for doing it but I do feel this weird pressure of knowing that if I didn't have adhd/dyslexia or managed it better, I would've done much better.

I apologise for rambling about myself but yeah thank you for this ask! I feel the same way, and I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in it as well.

I wish you the best dear anon <3

[womanofwords]

Primary Objective: Friendship (Chapter 5)

Chapter 5: Mom v Robot

Unfortunately, Uncle James was more correct than I'd given him credit for.

It all started when Nikola and I were standing outside of school waiting for Upton to arrive. "How long will we have to wait, Alexis?" Nikola asked.

"Not much longer," I said.

"You have said that three times now."

"I know. Upton doesn't always get to school on time. But we'll know when it's him."

"How?" Nikola asked.

I sniggered. "Upton's mother is not a very good driver when she's running late."

Seconds later, the squeal of tires rang in my ears. First, people turned around to look for the source of the sound, before quickly scattering and seeking refuge on pavement.

Upton Perrycroft and his mother had arrived.

With skill that formula 1 racers would admire (and police officers would balk at) she drifted the car right in front of the school entrance.

"Thank you, Mom," Upton said, looking green around the gills.

"Have a good day, sweetie," she said, getting out as if she had driven up to school normally to give her son the same sloppy kiss on the face she always gave him. However, this time the kiss didn't happen. She stopped inches away from his face, spotted Nikola, and screamed. "AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE! WHAT IS THAT?!"

The eyes were on us again. I hated it when that happened. Nikola stood in front of me. "Please do not scream, madam. I am Nikola. How do you know Upton?"

"I am his mother, you mindless machine!" Mrs Perrycroft yelled. "Who is responsible for you? Why are you here?"

Nikola's smile widened on his screen face. "I am a student here! I love it so much!"

Mrs Perrycroft looked like she was going to faint. Or erupt. But then a cold calmness washed over her, and she smiled. "A . . . robot . . . is in my baby's school? What if he gets hurt?"

"I will not get hurt," Nikola said.

"Not you!" Mrs Perrycroft yelled. "Stay away from my boy!"

"No, Mom!" Upton got between Nikola and his mother. "Nikola's a nice robot!"

"There's no such thing as a nice robot, Upton." She looked at Nikola with pure rage. "But don't worry. I'll make some calls. Stay safe, sweetie."

Her car squealed away and people walked into class, muttering about the scene. Upton crumpled into himself, head down. He mumbled something along the lines of "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, Upton," I said.

Nikola looked sad. "Why does your mother not like me?"

Upton temporarily decompressed enough to explain. "She thinks technology is going to rise against us and take over humanity. It's embarrassing."

Nikola paused to think. "This has happened before. A woman screamed when she saw me in the store. I worry that this will happen a lot. Maybe this will happen all the time."

And I couldn't say anything to reassure him.

(PAUSE)

At the end of the day, half an hour before the last bell rang, Upton's mother came to get him. "Upton, go home," she said. "You shouldn't be here. It's not safe for you with that thing in here."

Upton shrank into himself. "Mom, I'm fine!"

"Excuse me, but I am not a thing," Nikola interrupted.

"Don't talk to me! And keep far away from my son! Things are going to be done about you!"

I had to say something. "Mrs Perrycroft, Nikola hasn't done anything. Leave him alone!"

"I'm going to correct you on that one, missy - it hasn't done anything yet. But it will soon. Robots are taking over everything, and I'm the the only one that sees it! Upton, let's go!"

Upton's typically pale skin was redder than I'd ever seen it. "Bye," he muttered to me, as his mother dragged him away.

"I'm not an it," Nikola said, sadly. "Why does she call me it?"

"I know. I'm sorry, Nikola," I said. The rest of the class burst into conversation and whispers.

"Who is that lady?"

"That's Upton's mom. She's crazy."

"No wonder Upton's such a loser."

"This isn't Upton's fault!" I yelled. "Leave him alone!"

"All of you, back to work!" the teacher yelled.

(PAUSE)

"Something happened, didn't it?" Uncle James asked, as we got into the car. "Don't lie to me. I can tell."

"The thing you were worried about happened. Upton's mom came to school and demanded that Nikola stay away from Upton."

"Oh, goodness. Nikola, Alexis, I'm so sorry." Uncle James was the picture of sadness until a confused expression came across his face. "Wait . . . Upton's mom? Mrs Perrycroft?"

"Yes, why?"

"Not that I didn't expect this from her, but . . . what set this off?"

"She saw Nikola standing next to Upton and freaked out."

"Right." Uncle James was gripping the steering wheel tightly. "Now, Nikola and Alexis, I'm going to take you home and then make some calls."

"To make Upton's mom leave Nikola alone, right?"

"That's the plan. While I do that, you two can play video games."

"I have never played a video game before," Nikola interjected.

"Well, this should be a pretty good time to learn. Alexis, my gaming setup is in the same place it always is. Teach Nikola a thing or two." Uncle James sounded nervous. I hoped Nikola didn't catch that.

"OK. Nikola, wanna play Stray?"

"OK."

As we played and I explained the lore of the game, I saw Nikola smile again. A smile appeared and then slowly grew, like a time lapse of a flower.

I wanted that flower to bloom.

The other parts can be found in my Masterlist.

[danishprince]

What other film versions of Hedda Gabler are worth watching?

GOD i'm trying to remember lmao....this truly would have been a better question for Me Age 17. it has literally been eight/nine years since i saw most of these but uhhhh:

-janet suzman, which i mentioned earlier—my favorite filmed version of hedda the character, iirc. she's smarter than everyone but also it's one of few performances where you buy that she's literally two seconds away from blowing her brains out at any given moment. considering those are hedda's two primary character traits, you'd think more actors could pull off this juxtaposition, but it's shockingly rare! not perfect—she is a little old for the role imo, and the costuming choices are weird as hell. but what can you do

-ingrid bergman—i remember liking her fine but remember liking this production's torturous (in the best way) hedda/tesman dynamic even more. unrelated but also i went years between seeing this and casablanca so whenever people would mention ingrid bergman i'd mentally be like "oh yeah. from hedda gabler" which in retrospect is so funny

-fiona shaw—what one might call an, uh, Inspired take! most heddas imo opt for "condescending" (at risk of forgetting suicidality) and fiona shaw opted for "suicidal" at risk of forgetting that hedda's actually also super condescending and awful. watching her is like watching a protracted nervous breakdown. it's probably worth a watch because it does get to the heart of the emotions in a way one rarely sees with ibsen but i would not call it, like, super faithful to the intent of the text

-diana rigg—i think this was the one we watched in high school on the days when my teacher was like "fuck it movie time". did not leave much of an impression on me tbh. all very mannered

there's some version from 2016 i never watched, idk if it's good. re: stage productions, there are clips of cate blanchett hedda floating around, and i'm sure it was great, but who knows if it was ever actually filmed in full. i have also heard good things about the ntlive hedda directed by ya boy ivo van hove/starring ruth wilson but still haven't watched it yet due to being a fake fan