#AND I PROMISE I UPGRADED ALL MY SHIELDS. THAT PART WAS A JOKE!

[shepcdr]

yishai shepard and kids (ft waxworks' saren). i do love the idea of shepard being swarmed by lil kids every time he gets into certain parts of the citadel... and i think that he should be able to delegate stupid little tasks to them — and occasionally maybe Actually relevant info gathering because i am loathe to put children in danger and i would say so is yishai, needlessly, but he understands that this is an inevitable albeit awful part of the duct rat lifestyle. he'd rather pay them handsomely for one slightly risky job than to have them go scrounging for pennies doing high-risk jobs for people who couldn't care less (which is basically how he came up and how he got in himself in an absolutely Fucked up situation with the reds that i intend to someday write a full headcanon post on...)

mostly i am v tickled by the idea of him trying to get anywhere with a child hanging from each arm. most of his money goes into guns/equipment/upgrades and he has a gods-awful sense of personal budgeting especially since parting with the alliance in me2, he spends that game with no separation between normandy/mission financing and personal financing. but whatever of his spare money isn't eaten up by gambling losses/alcohol. it goes to the kids

[shurisneakers]

harmless (ix)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)

Warnings: cursing, sex jokes, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader, anxiety

Word count: 3.9k

A/N: a lot of requests came in last week, so cool and thank you for sending them in!! i’ll try my best to write them if they weren’t originally what i had planned for this series bc they’re so cute kfjdghdf. also hey shoutout to @i-reblog-fics-i-like​ for suggesting the backstory thing! 

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Additional Scene   || Previous Part  || Series Masterlist

Hot single in your area! 😈  Find your solemate! 

Somehow it bypasses Bucky’s spam folder and is in his primary email. SHIELD tech is too advanced to let fake mails like this reach him and this doesn’t make sense. Unless it was one of the stupid dating websites he signed up for.

Leaving aside the obvious typo in the subject, he clicks on it, hoping it doesn’t unleash a virus onto his computer. 

He’s instead greeted with a poorly Photoshopped picture of you at a bar with a martini in your hand. He doesn’t have to look too hard to see that the martini is, in fact, an emoji. Off to a terrible start already. 

Right beside it is an even worse image, an imitation of an early Internet chat box.

Harbinger of Doom just sent you a message! 

Come to the empty lot near lair. Bring goggles. 😩💦

Decline/Accept

He wants to strangle you. 

______

“Why did you curse my eyes so early in the morning?” He spots you at the top of the lair, speaking loudly so that it hopefully reached you. 

“What?” you yell back down instead. “If you’re saying something, I can’t hear you.”

He rolls his eyes. He pulls his phone from his pocket and presses on your contact. 

He watches the look of confusion morph into one of slight surprise when you reach into your pocket and pull out your call.

“Don’t ever send an image like that to me again,” he says directly.

“If that one image is too much for you, how will we ever make our sex tape?”

His mouth opens and shuts like goddamn fish.

He can hear your laughter even without the phone.

“First of all- stop laughing- first of all, a sex tape is never going to happen. Second of all, I have a debriefing to go to, we need to make this quick.”

He holds up a finger when he sees you begin to say something. By the look of trouble painted all over your face, he knows it’s going to be a dumb innuendo. 

“Thirdly, why are you standing there?”

“I watched The Last Airbender,” you say once your cackling dies down.

“I like that show.” He did. Peter sometimes watched it when he came over and Bucky more often than not joined in.

“I know, you told me.”

Oh. 

“Okay, what now?” 

“Put your goggles on.” You take one step towards the ledge. 

“What are you doing?” The goggles don’t do anything to shield him from the sun, considering that they’re not tinted. Maybe he could invest in those.

You send him a smile, taking a step further. His walk towards the building turns into a jog, then a sprint when you’re basically standing on the edge.

You spread your arms out like Jesus Christ himself before flinging yourself off the building. His stomach drops.

His phone falls to the ground, discarded to the side as he sprints to break your landing. 

It never comes. 

Instead, a gust of wind smacks him in the face, forcing him a few steps backwards. 

“I am now an air bender.” your eyes shone. “Kind of.”

Just like that, the show was ruined.

He wipes the dust on from his glasses that he now understands why you made him wear. Considerate, for a person who nearly just gave him a heart attack. 

“Why.” It’s not even a question, just a statement. 

“You know how the Tower has a giant ‘A’ on the side?” 

He stares at you. 

“I‘m gonna spray paint ‘asshole’ on the side of it.”

Pepper would not like that. 

“That’s not even evil.”

“Yeah, but it’d annoy your super friends,” You do a flip midair, testing out the repulsors that were tied around your palms, “and I’m the voice of the people.”

You’re too high for him to reach. He doesn’t have his tools, or anything useful on him considering that he never had to use them before. He couldn’t even launch himself at you from the side of the building because you’d just move out of the way. He could jump really high but it would just have the same consequence.

He could talk and keep you distracted but that worked once, it wouldn’t again. At least not for long. 

Fuck, he really had only one option. 

He leaves you to do your somersaults and turns, walking over to where he dropped his phone. It’s an upgrade from the brick he was using a while ago, but not a high end Stark model. A smartphone, but barely.

He sighs, punching in the number and holding it up to his ear.

“Who are you calling?” you yell from above him. 

“Go back to your shitty aerobics,” he yells back.

You pause for a second. “Was that a fucking pun, James Bar-”

The dial tone ends when someone picks up. He diverts his attention back to the call.

“Hey man, I-

“No.”

“You didn’t even let me finish.”

“It’s probably something stupid,” Sam doesn’t even sound annoyed, just uninterested.

“I need your wings.”

“I was right. Bye.”

It was a long shot anyway.

“Fuckin’ hold on a second.” He sees you disintegrate a concrete block by having it drop from the air. “You come here and fix this, then. She’s air bending now.”

“...like Avatar?” Sam unsurprisingly got the reference. 

Peter’s interests were usually shared by everyone in the Tower, just because they had to compensate for the teasing he had to endure. It led to a lot of geeky documentaries and occasional musicals. Bucky wouldn’t be caught dead humming songs from Thoroughly Modern Millie under his breath. 

“Yeah.”

“You want me to come and fight your girlfriend,” he says slowly. 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Bucky urges, “and yes, I need help. Can’t exactly reach her when she’s twenty feet above me.”

“We have a briefing in 30 minutes. Why did you even go there today?”

He doesn’t know how to answer that. Just looks up at you smacking one of the repulsors against your thigh when it sputters for a second. It’s tradition. 

“Well?” Bucky ignores his question.

“Fine,” Sam’s voice is distant for a second as he agrees. “Clint’s asking if he can come too.”

“Fuck no.” One of them was more than enough and Sam was way better at negotiation. 

He hears a faint profanity from who he assumed was Clint before the call cuts.

He takes a seat on the ground and waits.

“You’re not going to make any effort to stop me?” You have your arms pressed to your side, palms pointed downwards to keep you afloat.

 “I could just throw things at you again.” He makes a mention towards the small pebbles.

“I will fuck you up if you even try,” you warn. He lifts his arms in surrender. “So that’s it. You’re just going to sit there.”

“To be honest, I couldn’t care less if you painted the building,” he says with the least amount of interest he could muster, not that that was very hard.

“Do you not like your team?” 

“I do.” He isn’t lying. “But they’re little shits.”

“I can draw a couple of dicks on their window, no problem,” you say offhandedly.

He looks up at you through his fingers. “That won’t be required.”

Although it was appreciated. 

“Cool, so then I’m gonna go.” You make a mention of the utility belt on your waist. He looks at the many spray cans that decorate it. 

“What colour are you going with?” he interrupts quickly. Fuckin’ Sam. What was the point of wings if he couldn’t get here in 2 minutes?

“Red, probably.” You look down. “I got purple and white just in case.”

“Building’s dark, red is good.”

“You really don’t care, do you?” You lower yourself down to the ground, a few feet ahead of him. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” For fucks’ sake, Sam. “You really don’t like superheroes, do you?”

“I don’t have anything against them.”

“Then why do you do this every week?”

This was wading into personal territory and he did not like it. 

“Well.” Your eyebrows knit together. “Because I want to. It’s fun.”

“No other reason?”

“Do I need to have another reason?” You push your palm downwards, sending you back up into the air. “Can’t I just be evil because I want to?”

“Sure,” he says. He’s heard worse reasons. “Why not?”

“Besides, if you think I don’t like superheroes then you should meet Jake.”

“Who’s Jake?” He hadn’t ever heard you mention him before because he’d remember if you had.

“My roommate.” 

“I didn’t see him when I came over.”

“That’s because we’re not conjoined at the hip.” It takes you a second to stabilise. “Besides, he grabbed the water while I got the bracelet but he refused to come say hi.”

Bucky looked down at his wrist. It was still there. He found himself fidgeting with it more often than not.

“He hates superheroes?”

“He has a valid reason.” Your eyes widen in worry when your head suddenly dips. 

“What is it?” He knows the height at which you’re at isn’t very dangerous but if need be, he’s close by. 

“Come find out.” Your eyes shone mischievously. “But yeah, no reason for me to be evil.”

“Not even a tragic backstory?” 

“None. But if you want it, I can give you one, Barnes.” You test the waters, seeing how long you can lie horizontally. “Can’t promise you’ll like it though.”

“Try me.” He has time to kill. He’s a good listener.

“Well, it all started with my family- a troop of gorillas.” You flip over to lie on your back. “They practically raised me, they did. Until my gorilla mother died and I was all but consumed by grief and-”

“Your mother was a gorilla?” He entertains the notion. 

“Or was it my father?” you ask thoughtfully. “I don’t know, I don’t remember. Anyway, I met a-”

“Just to clarify, none of this is real, right?” he interjects. 

You stare at him. He stares at you.

“Bucky, that’s the plot of Tarzan,” you say slowly, “or at least whatever I remember of it... which I’m beginning to realise isn’t much.”

“Just clarifying.” He leans back again.

“Anyway so then when my mother, the deer-”

“Gorilla.”

“Whatever. Was killed, I escaped to some place-”

“Where?”

“Somewhere. And I stayed with these seven men-”

“Why seven?” He actually remembers watching this movie with his sister when it came out. An early memory, a bit faded. He remembers how long he saved up for the ticket.

“Because character development. And then I realised the reason my life was so weird was because there was a rat controlling me by pulling on my hair-”

“What the fuc-”

“If you ask any more questions, I’m going to stop.”

Bucky blinks at you. “So that’s your backstory.” 

“Raw and uncut, baby.”

“Just to get this straight, your mother, the gorilla deer-”

“Witch.”

“Huh?”

“She was a witch who stole my hair.”

“Wha-”

He’s interrupted by the giant shadow cast by something that flies overhead. 

Fucking finally. 

He doesn’t even have to look up. Sam does a small glide to the ground, landing gracefully beside him.

Bucky finds you speechless but straightened up from your earlier posture.

“Buck,” Sam greets him.

“Sam,” he says in return, getting up from his place. 

A grin spreads across your face. “Mr. Sam Wilson. No way.”

“You’re Y/N, I’m assuming?” Sam offers, posture relaxed. He clearly wasn’t here to fight. 

“The one and only.” You tear your eyes away from Sam to glare at Bucky. “Barnes, if you had told me we were expecting guests, I would have dressed better.”

Bucky furrows his eyebrows in suspicion at you. You’d dress up for Sam. 

You dressed up like a suburban tourist dad for him. He was feeling the offence incoming. 

“Can’t count on him to be useful in any situation.” Alright, he did not call Sam just to have the both of you team up against him. 

“Normally I’d agree with you but he did just invite you here, so...” you trail off, looking at Sam expectantly. 

What the shit.

Sam smirks. Bucky switches rapidly back and forth between the both of you.

“I see why Buck keeps coming back every week.” It doesn’t take long for him to catch on, enlisting a feeling of triumph from you. 

“I can’t see why he doesn’t just stay at home everyday if this is the view.” You gesture to him.

This is not what Bucky wanted.

“Okay,” Bucky interrupts, “what is going on here?”

“Pure chemistry, I’d say.” You’re half tempted to bite your lip to seal the deal.

“I agree.” Sam just nods, completely and utterly serious. 

You think that you’ll give him a gift basket just for playing along despite meeting you for the first time at that moment. 

“Get a room.” Bucky rolls his eyes.

“Maybe we will.” You tap your finger against your lip in thought. “How do you feel about Indian food, Sam?”

“Very positively.” 

Bucky grits his teeth. “If you’re not planning to spray paint the Tower, can you just hand over the repulsers so we can go home for the day?”

You let out a small tsk in disapproval. “See what I have to deal with?”

“Can’t imagine how you do it every weekend,” Sam says dryly, not wasting a second in replying. 

“Hello?” Bucky waves his arm around. “She’s the villain here.”

“Your face is the villain here.” You tear your eyes away from Sam only to glare at him. “He won’t even wear a cape. Why am I the only one who brings their A-Game every week?”

“Sam just get the damn-”

“You should wear a cape, man.” Bucky’s absolutely sure that even Sam knows it’s a ridiculous idea.

“I’m not wearing a fuckin’ cape,” he grumbles. 

“What are your thoughts on swords, then?” Your finger finds a place under your chin in deep contemplation. “You’d look great with a sword.”

Bucky buries his face in his palms. “Sam, for the love of God.” 

“Okay, alright.” Sam finally gives in with a small chuckle. He runs a few steps to get a small head start before launching himself into the air, whizzing past your levitating figure. He does a neat little flip midair before matching your height.

Showoff.

“How difficult are you gonna make this, Wilson?” you ask, a smirk on your face.

“Jesus Christ.” Bucky exhales, looking at the both of you through his goggles. 

“What’s your play here?” Sam calls out loudly.

“Was gonna spray paint ‘asshole’ on the side of the Tower.”

“After the ‘A’?”

“After the ‘A’,” you confirm. 

“Now that’s too small,” Sam tutted. “You gotta think bigger. Paint the whole Tower.” 

“Sam!” Bucky looks horrified. 

“Hmm.” You look like you’re considering it. “Don’t have enough paint for that though.”

“You’re an evil genius, right?” Sam casts a small glance at Bucky. “At least that’s what he tells me.”

“You talk about me?” You grin at the disgruntled man on the ground. 

“I don’t,” he mutters, shaking his head. A lie.

“Yeah, so build something,” Sam points out. “Get some more paint. I’ll even tell you the best vantage points to spill it.”

“No, he won’t,” Bucky shouts from below. 

“He’s just cranky because he didn’t get his prune juice this morning, ignore him,” Sam dismisses him.

Prune juice? He was a young 100, not ancient. 

“What’s your favourite colour, Falcon?”

“I like red.”

As annoyed as Bucky is right now, he stores that away in his memory for later. He also knows Sam loves seafood and a good pair of shoes. 

“A couple of gallons of red paint it is, then.” You lower yourself to the ground, Sam slowly follows suit until he lands beside Bucky.

“You know we can’t let you go without taking those, right?” Bucky tilts his head towards your invention.

You narrow your eyes at him. He doesn’t budge.

“I’ll tell ya what,” Sam pipes in instead. “I’ll keep them until you finish getting the paint and once you’re done, we’ll make an evening out of vandalising the Tower.” 

Bucky may not enjoy his company all that much but he admires Sam’s diplomacy. Of course, you would never make it this easy while reasoning with him.

“That a promise, Mr. Wilson?” You raise your eyebrow at him questioningly but are already in the process of removing the things from your hand. 

“Wouldn’t ever lie to you, doll.” He holds up his hand in a mock swear.

You walk towards Bucky and him, rotating your wrists to get rid of the soreness. “Bold claim for a man who met me ten minutes ago.”

“Feels like it’s been longer.” He sends you a wink and you can’t stop the laugh the escapes from you finally. 

Bucky holds his hand out for the gadgets. You shrink away from him with a click of your tongue.

“Technically, he takes this round.” You send a nod towards Sam, dropping off the repulsors into his hand. “So he gets it.”

Bucky rolls his eyes.

“You gonna keep ‘em safe?” you ask Sam, this time a little more earnestly. 

“Guard it with my life,” he says seriously, pressing his lips together in a line to avoid smiling. 

“You’re both ridiculous,” Bucky cuts in.

“You’re going to be late.” Sam tucks the devices into his pocket safely. “You know how Steve gets when people walk in on his speeches. Do you even have a ride?”

“Got the motorcycle.” 

“See you there.” Sam nods. 

“Save me a place,” Bucky says to him.

“No.” He doesn’t even hesitate. “Y/N. It was a pleasure.”

“Still holding you to that evening, Sam.” You send him a smile.

“I’m countin’ on it.” He gives you a small three finger salute before taking off, leaving you staring after his retracting figure. 

When the dust settles, Bucky awkwardly clears his throat. “Right. So that was that.”

“Dude,” you let out an exhale. “he’s so hot.”

He murmurs something unintelligible. It vaguely sounds like a series of threats but mostly a list of complaints.

“Don’t you have a meeting to get to?” You turn your attention back to him.

“Yeah.”

“Aren’t you going to be late?” You glance at the clock on your phone.

“I’ll just tell them I was on a mission.” Well, sort of. “Besides, what are they gonna do? Kick me out?”

“Fair enough.” You shrug. “Have a safe ride back.”

From what he knows of you and Sam, the both of you were kidding around. But he could never be too sure. He can’t even ask if you were serious about the entire thing because it’s none of his business. 

Were the implications of having his mortal nemesis and other mortal nemesis date important enough to overrule that? 

“Are you planning to skip your meeting, or?” you ask when he remains freezes in his spot, eyes glazed over like he’s thinking about something. “Because if you are, I know this great Thai place-”

“Don’t do that again,” he says instead, shaking his head to jolt him out of his thoughts. 

“What?”

“Flinging yourself off roofs like that.”

“Why?” Because it scared the hell out of him, for one.

“Just don’t.”

“Oh please, like you’ve never done dangerous shit like that before.” You narrow your eyes at him, reading his face. “Are you telling me you care about me?”

“No.” His nose twitches. “Just don’t throw yourself off buildings when I’m around.”

“What about when you’re not?”

“As long as I’m not there to witness it.” He shrugs, spinning on his heel to leave. Technically he preferred if you didn’t do things like that at all. 

“Fine. I’ll just have my clone try out all the dangerous stuff for me.”

 He stops in his tracks. “You have a clone?”

“Well,” You squint, “no. But I’m working on it.”

He scoffs, shaking his head. “Bye Y/N.”

“You know, it sounds an awful lot like you’re saying we’re friends.” Your whole demeanour changes and he already knows what’s coming.

“I never said that,” he argues vehemently. “All I said was that I can’t have your murder on my hands.”

“Thus implying that we’re friends. In a fucked up, enemies kind of way.” You positively beam at him. “Aw, Barnes, that’s adorable.”

Adorable? Adorable?

“I hate you.”

“I love you, too, bestie,” you gush, dumb grin on your face. “I’ll make us friendship rings next time. What are your thoughts on matching tattoos?”

He wants to cry. 

______

By the time Sam walks into the meeting room, the session’s already begun. He shoots an apologetic look to a monologuing Steve before taking his place at the nearest chair available. 

Something sharp pokes his thigh. His wings are off and in the backpack beside him, but then he remembers your little inventions that were still in his pocket.

He tries not to make much of a noise while he pulls them out, giving them a look over to make sure they’re not broken.

“Watcha got there, Big Bird?” Tony asks lowly from beside him.

“Something that Barnes’ enemy made.” Sam holds it up slightly. 

“The one he’s been rendezvousing around town with every weekend?” 

“That’s her.” He’s about to put it in his backpack when Tony stops him.

“Pass that here for a second.” He recognises it immediately for what it is, interest piqued. 

Sam hands one of them over while he puts the other back in the bag. It’s a metallic circle, not bigger than Tony’s palm, with a thick leather strap to tie it around your palm.

“She made this?” 

“Why don’t you ask him?” Sam mentions towards Bucky who silently slips into the conference room, standing in the corner near the potted plant since there were no more chairs left.

“The balance has gotta be off on this thing,” he mutters to himself, wholly ignoring the brooding man standing in the corner like a Christmas tree.

“She seemed to be manoeuvring it fine,” Sam catches the eye of a lower ranking agent who makes the mistake of glaring at him for talking while the meeting was going on. A few seconds later the agent hastily looks away and doesn’t turn around for the rest of the hour. 

“Could be better.” He uses a much more intricate model for his suits, although this isn’t even half-bad for a homemade version. “Do you know how long she took to make this?”

“Buck says she comes up with a new one every week, so I’m guessing that long.” 

It had a few glitches but it was incredibly refined for a week’s worth of work.

“Interesting.” He gives it a quick overlook before handing it back to Sam who drops it into the bag.

He casts a swift glance at Bucky, noting how he wasn’t even paying attention to the meeting but rather to whatever he had tied around his metal wrist, fidgeting with it with his thumb. 

Tony has an idea. 

And that was generally bad news.

Next part

[gotnofucks]

Parts of Whole

(No images are mine, but I did edit them. If anyone knows the owners, do let me know so I can credit them)

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Bucky Barnes, Sam x Steve (platonic)

Summary: Steve would see his OTP’s ship sail, even from across the grave.

Words: 3.9k

Warnings: mentions of death (nothing graphic and not very sad), language, angst + fluff

A/N: I saw the trailer for tfatws and I just had to write this. This is also my entry for the amazingly talented @sagechanoafterdark and @sweater-daddiesdumbdork challenge (pic prompts above). Thank you for hosting this and being wonderful. The beautiful dividers are made by @firefly-graphics . Huge thanks to @the-inquisitive-hobbit for beta reading and giving me her very valuable insight.

 It never felt right in his hands. It was his to wield, his to claim, and yet it never felt more foreign. The concentric red and white circles with the star embedded in the blue center glared back at him from the mirror. It had been months, but Sam had never taken this shield with him to any mission. He couldn’t.

It felt starkly cold in his hands, lifeless and materialistic. It was Steve’s symbol of strength and hope. It used to hang on his back, warmed by his body heat. Now, it seemed like the shield only existed to remind him of Steve’s absence. This shield was made for Steve. It belonged to him, it always would. How could he ever stand where he stood? How could Sam ever be the captain that Steve was, take this shield that held more power than a crown on a head?

He put it down again, covering it with a cloth before shutting the door on it, leaning heavily against it. He missed him, he missed him like a throbbing wound that refused to heal. If only he could see the sun shining on those golden locks again, have those baby blue eyes smile at him again. What wouldn’t he give for that.

He didn’t notice he wasn’t alone until a heavy hand was on his shoulder, squeezing gently. Sam didn’t open his eyes, just let the weight of it anchor him, let it bring him back from the chaos that was his mind. The cold metal hand felt like a relief against the overwhelming burden of grief that penetrated his being whenever he touched the circular shield.

“I miss him too.” Bucky said, and Sam opened his eyes. Bucky’s eyes were blue too, slightly grey where Steve’s were green. He could see himself reflected in them and he straightened, looking away, hiding his weakness.

This mantle of Steve Rogers that he was supposed to assume, this legacy he was supposed to take forward felt like cheating. His friend, his mentor, his brother was no more. How could people just expect him to move on? But they did. It didn’t matter he was emotionally compromised, it didn’t matter he wanted to drown, like Steve nearly had at the Potomac all those years ago. The world didn’t wait to create one disaster after another. They needed Captain America then, and they needed him now. Like Fury said, trouble always sticks around.

Sam cleared his throat, making sure he was collected before looking at Bucky again.

“Everything loaded in the Quinjet?” He asked and Bucky nodded. They’ll be leaving for another mission soon, and Sam was glad he’ll have the sounds of battle to drown the war in his heart.

“Sam.” Bucky said once Sam started leaving. “Take it.”

Sam looked at Bucky over his shoulder, his gaze equal parts pain and accusation. Of everyone, Bucky shouldn’t be the one telling him this.

“I’ll meet you in the jet.” He said firmly and quickly marched to his room, shutting the door behind him. He hated coming back to the compound, the lingering memories of their fallen warriors whispering in his ears every time he was here. He preferred his little house in the woods where it was only Bucky and nature with him.

He took out his tactical gear, laying it on the bed and getting out his wings when he heard it.

“You are punishing yourself Sam.” Came his voice.

It was this moment where Sam broke, sliding down the wall and letting a few tears escape. He was gone but he never left him.

“How could you have been so selfish Steve. Why?” He asked, looking up to glare at Steve. Even dead he looked so handsome, so put together with his hands on his hips. He didn’t look like the old man they had buried a month after the battle. No. He was their Steve, their young, beautiful Steve who left them behind.

Sam didn’t know why he saw him. He didn’t know if this was a ghost or a creation of his mind. To him, it was Steve. It was Steve and it was a beautiful suffering to see him again every time he reappeared.

“I am sorry.” Steve said and knelt before Sam, looking apologetic. Sam didn’t try touching him. Not when the first hundred times his hand just went through him.

“You are? What for?” Sam asked. “For leaving behind your shield and title, for leaving me behind, or for abandoning a best friend you promised to walk till the end of the line with? What are you really sorry for Captain?”

Steve didn’t answer, he never did. He let Sam take out his hurt and anger, and Sam cried. In the privacy of his walls, he cried. He was so tired of pretending to be strong, to be happy. He hid behind his jokes and smiles, fooled the world which was so ready to move on while Sam was buried somewhere with Steve in the cemetery, half dead, half alive.

“I am sorry Sam, for everything.” Steve insisted. “But you need to stop punishing yourself for mistakes you never made. You can’t live this way.”

Sam snorted a laugh for even in death Steve was a humanitarian bastard. He didn’t come back to haunt his enemies; oh no the centenarian came back to help his friends. Why didn’t people see that he could never be Steve? That Sam Wilson can never, won’t ever be the Captain that Steven Rogers was.

“I hate you so much Steve, I really do.” Sam whispered, wiping his nose and getting up. Steve watched him getting changed, no barriers of shame between them from that side of the grave.

“You always said that. I have never heard a ‘I love you’ more pronounced than I do in your hate.” Steve commented with a soft smile, it widened when Sam gave him a half-hearted glare. It was amazing how they could go from having a painful conversation to joking, but that was how it worked with Steve. He knew Sam, he knew everything that made him laugh and made him smile.

“What are you doing here anyway? Don’t you have a tea party with Gandhi or some other do-gooder like you in the afterlife?” Sam grumbled, tightening the belt in his suit and attaching his wings to it. Steve chuckled, sitting on the chair and watching Sam with a relaxed smile.

“They are too uptight for me. Mother Teresa tried to adopt me the other day” Steve said, and Sam laughed. His wings were the colours of American Flag, a new change. He grabbed his weapons and fixed Steve with a look, hating and loving him for being so him.

“I’ll see you after the mission?” He asked tentatively. He would never admit it, but he feared one day Steve would disappear again. It was crazy, it was not normal to see dead people, but Sam would rather have a shadow of Steve than just a memory.

“I’ll be here as long as you need me Sam. Always.” Steve said, a sad smile on his face when he saw Sam leaving without the shield.

Sharon greeted him in the jet, talking to Bucky and the other agents over the blueprint spread before them. Sam nodded his hello, snatching the half empty pack of Cheetos from Bucky’s hand and munching on it.

“So now you want to steal the show and my food. You’re such a dick Wilson.” Bucky said, poking Sam in his shoulder and Sam poked his tongue out at him, a gap-toothed smile on his face. Their previous somber interaction would not be mentioned, filed again like so many inside the neglected corner of their minds.

“Bitch, I paid for grocery this month. This is technically mine.” Sam replied, making Bucky scowl. Sam knew there was a 70-30 chance he’ll find his bed crawling with centipedes when they got back home.

“Charming, boys.” Sharon remarked rolling her eye. “What are you guys doing for Christmas? Must be nice to have a holiday.”

Bucky shrugged, sharing a look with Sam. It was their first Christmas without Steve, a 6 feet 2-inch void always between them.

“Nothing special. Stay home, watch movies, eat a lot.” Bucky said. A lot remained unsaid, but they rarely needed words to communicate anymore. Sam bumped his shoulder in his, offering him some Cheetos to munch while he silently grieved.

“Well, I’ll leave my address here for you to deliver your presents to me.” Sharon joked and Sam laughed softly, mentally making a note to get her something.

“Alright then, and I’ll just casually remark that my phone and laptop are both in serious need for an upgrade. Just saying.” Sam said. “Hey Buck, what are you going to gift me?”

Bucky crumpled the empty chips packet before sending Sam an amused glare, flipping him off.

“A ball gag, so that I can hear something other than your stupid voice.” He snarked.

“Damn dude, at least ask me out for dinner before getting kinky.” Sam winked and Bucky swelled with indignation, pointing an accusing metal finger at Sam.

“I cook dinner 3 times a week you bastard, and I don’t even burn it!” He protested making Sam laugh louder than ever. He loved making Bucky mad, teasing him into an incensed rage that usually ended in a pillow fight or sometimes with Sam’s head in a headlock.

They straightened as they saw the incredulous looks on the new agents’ faces, baby agents as Bucky liked to call them. It was times like these, when both the battle-hardened veterans missed their lost teammates, the inside jokes that were shot around with as much precision as bullets and arrows on the battlefield.

They got to work again, discussing the mission and its details with the other agents. Sam would run point on scaling the territory and fly down to the enemy base with two agents while Bucky would guide him from up here and take out potential threats. They just needed to secure a technological innovation and it didn’t seem too like much work. As Sam poured over the briefing, his eyes subconsciously went over to Bucky who was fiddling with the equipment, making sure everything was in working condition.

If someone had told him a few years ago that Bucky would become his anchor, his solace in his darkest hours, Sam would have punched them in the face. But as it happened, they came to lean on each other, the only unchanged part of their older lives, the only person who made each feel that were still real, still alive. They were still annoyed by each other, but the arguments were more of a routine than an actual expression of resentment.

He didn’t realize he was staring until someone deliberately coughed behind him.

“He is so pretty, isn’t he?” Steve asked, though it was a rhetorical question. Bucky Barnes was a beauty, from his blue grey eyes to the new golden streaks running through his new arm. Sam tried not to notice the way Bucky’s armor clung to his muscles, his face looking almost boyish as he forgot the world and focused on his task.

“I thought you said I’ll see you after the mission.” Sam muttered, taking care that no one noticed him talking to air. He hurriedly looked away from Bucky when their eyes met, a heat rising in his cheeks that made Steve chuckle.

“I said I’ll be there when you need me. And it seems like you do.” Steve commented. He took the seat next to Sam, so near that Sam swore he could feel the heat emanating from his body.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Sam snapped, the smug look on Steve’s face making him wish he could touch him if only to be able to punch him. Stupid blonde best friends with perfect teeth and beautiful smiles and an ass that looked just as round after being dead.

“Oh, I think you do.” Steve said, shifting his gaze to Bucky. “I liked his hair longer but the shorter is going well with the new arm. Don’t you think?”

Despite himself Sam found himself nodding, admiring Bucky as he’d done a thousand times before. He liked his longer hair too, but without them falling in his face, he could see him better. And the arm. The new arm that gave Sam tingles in the most delicious ways, it had him flustered for three whole weeks after Bucky first showed up with it on him.

He didn’t know when it started, but Bucky had somehow become the most beautiful person to Sam. From the way he would make him the perfect mug of coffee to their little kitchen garden they started to keep themselves busy, he loved everything about him. Those moments where he would sense the turmoil inside Sam and silently slip his hands in Sam’s to assure him that he was there, these little moments endeared him even more.

Sam had lost count of how many times Bucky and he had woken up on the couch, sharing a blanket, both silently afraid to sleep alone. He had forgotten how many times he had spent kneeling at Bucky’s bedside, coaxing him out from a nightmare. Every moment spent in each other’s company, laughing, joking, mourning together, it brought them together in a way Sam had never imagined before.

“Tell him” Steve said, a wistful look on his face as he looked at his best friend. “He feels the same. I know.”

Sam shook his head, tearing his eyes away from Bucky with reluctance. He’d already lost so much, he wouldn’t lose Bucky too. Not because he has a minor, very minor teensy tiny crush on him.

“Man, shut the hell up.” He snapped.

“Who’re you talking to?” Bucky called out from across the jet and Sam’s head snapped up, mouth parting a little before he mumbled out a ‘no one’ and focused on the papers in his hand. Sometimes he felt guilty for keeping Steve a secret, for keeping Bucky away from his best friend. He knew Bucky cried into his pillow at nights, he knew because he’d held him then, tried his best to fill the cracks that appeared in the walls of Bucky’s heart as well as his own.

But then, Steve chose to come to him. Chose to talk to Sam. And he was afraid that telling anyone would disturb this magic, whatever this was. That he would once again have to bury Steve. So, he kept quiet. He buried this secret in the deep recesses of his mind, the initial worry of insanity long forgotten in favor of seeing his friend again.

“Do you even have a plan?” Bucky questioned, watching him prepare for the jump. Sam had a job for every agent accompanying him, but the idiot had not outlined anything for himself.

“I do.” Sam said, and when Bucky looked unconvinced, he lightly punched his shoulder. “You’re my plan, my backup. I scream, jump down and get my ass back up.”

Saying this, Sam jumped, the exasperated look on Bucky’s face imprinted behind his eyelids as his wings flared out and he floated.

Everything that could have gone wrong on this mission did, and Bucky was hysterical even before Sam’s call for backup came. He was going to kick Nick Fury’s ass, but before that he was going to bring his friend back in one-piece and chew him out for giving him a heart attack.

Sam’s wings took most of the weight of the fall, so he came back with a sprained ankle and bruises. Bucky was getting increasingly irritated when they came back home, their little secluded spot in the woods welcoming them with the smell of pine and wild grass.

“It’s not my fault Fury gave us shitty intel.” Sam groaned, “You can stop being salty now.”

Bucky remained quiet, the silent treatment going for almost the third day in row and Sam was at his wits end. It was stupid and ridiculous because Bucky almost always pulled the stupidest moves in the field, like stopping a bomb with his hand or listening to the villain’s evil monologue.

Steve was grinning as he leaned against the edge of the table, and with every suggestive wink he gave Sam, the new Captain America resisted the urge to throw a vase at him.

“He cares so much that he’s speechless.” Steve commented and Sam flipped him off. Dickhead has been giving running commentary of the thick tension in the air since they came back, and Sam was on the verge of calling for an exorcism.

“Why do you do that?” Bucky asked suddenly and Sam was so glad to hear him talk again it took him a while to understand the question.

“What?”

“This thing, looking somewhere and talking to yourself, or – I don’t know, you keep being weird.”

“You’re the one with the cyborg brain and arm and I’m weird” Sam tried deflecting. Bucky frowned, coming closer to sit near Sam, leaving abandoned Christmas decorations scattered around them. Clint had delivered it for them but neither had the heart to put them up.

“Sam.” Bucky deadpanned, and Sam sighed, resting his head back and avoiding eye contact. He looked at Steve who was still smiling, his beautiful face like a slap on the face and caress on the head at the same time.

It was more difficult than one would assume to explain. Why did Sam see Steve, and why did only Sam see Steve? Was it a hallucination, or his spirit? Would Steve go away if Sam confided in Bucky? Would Bucky be mad he didn’t tell him? There were so many questions, so many doubts, and yet as Sam looked into Bucky’s eyes, shining like sapphires, he couldn’t keep it to himself.

“Its…Its Steve.” He said, looking down and playing with the soft lint on his blanket. He didn’t hear Bucky say anything but moments later a metal hand gripped his, stopping its nervous movements.

“Steve?”

Sam gulped, the coolness of Bucky’s hand in his warming his heart, swelling it with hope and an emotion Sam was too afraid to acknowledge.

“Steve, he – he talks to me.” Sam confessed and tentatively looked at Bucky whose eyes were brimming with emotion. He expected him to call him crazy, or to get mad, but what he did not expect was Bucky to shift closer and take Sam’s other hand in his too.

“He talks to me as well.” Bucky said. Sam was breathless, both by the slight smell of cinnamon that came from Bucky and the way Bucky came even closer, close enough that he could count the flecks in his eyes.

“He does?” Sam asked and Bucky nodded.

“I don’t know how he does it with you, but whenever I need him, miss him, I feel him speak to me from here.” With this Bucky placed one of Sam’s hand on his chest, the beating heart under thumping strongly. Unconsciously, Sam’s hand caressed Bucky’s chest, mapped its muscles and the jagged scars that bulged under his left shoulder.

“I see him.” Sam admitted, unable to look away from Bucky. “I can see him”

Tears blurred his vision until they dropped on his cheeks, sliding down, and forging a river down, leaving a trail of hurt, betrayal, and loss in their wake. Bucky’s hand came up to wipe them away, staying on Sam’s cheek, playing with the soft hair on his chin.

“I see him too. In you.” Bucky said and they didn’t know who moved first, but their foreheads were touching and then their lips met in a chaste, hesitant kiss. Sam melted into his touch, molding himself to fall into Bucky’s larger frame, his arms circling his waist and pulling him closer. They kissed as if they had walked a hundred miles just to kiss each other, as if they had saved every last breath just to live this moment.

“I – I, Buck –” Sam began but Bucky shushed him, pulling him into another soul-searching kiss before pulling away.

“I know.” He murmured.

As Sam relaxed in Bucky’s warm embrace, lost himself in the blues of Bucky’s eyes, he noticed Steve from the corner of his eyes. There was sadness on his face, the pain of a goodbye in the creases around his eyes. But when he smiled, he smiled with genuine love and happiness. The two parts of his soul he’d left behind seemed to have found themselves, and with them Steve felt himself complete.

“Till the end of the line pals.” He whispered.

Sam never saw Steve again.

Their Christmas was not very festive in terms of decoration. There was still too much pain, too much suffering in their hearts. Steve and Nat’s pictures beamed at them from the walls, and Sam sent Pepper the confirmation that they’ll come over for New Years.

It was a beautiful thing about human nature, about how one rises from the ashes to become stronger. Sam and Bucky lost someone, but they found each other. In the shared grieve of their hearts, they discovered the love long buried in there, eagerly waiting to be spread and shared.

They stayed warm under the blanket, wearing oversized sweaters that they wouldn’t be caught dead wearing outside. The sweaters may or may not have been Steve's; the soldiers mutually decided to hold Steve close in this way. Sam’s heart was tripled in size, as his head rested in the crook of Bucky’s neck, the smell of chocolate and cinnamon melting together to make a little world of their own. Sam wondered if he would mind growing out his hair again.

“So, what did you get me?” Sam asked, knowing he wouldn’t mind if Bucky did get him that ball gag. Part of him almost hoping for it.

“How rude Wilson, here I’ve given you all of myself and you still thirst for more.” Bucky mocked and Sam tackled him into a hug, peppering kisses all over his face.

“Bitch, you’re lucky I lo-” Sam cut himself off, suddenly shy. The smirk on Bucky’s face melted into a smile, a hungry look in his eyes.

“Say it” Bucky ordered. And Sam did. The Captain obeyed his Sergeant without hesitation.

“I love you. I love you so freaking much! I got us the cheesiest gifts.” Sam said in excitement. He pulled away long enough to grab his gift from under the bed, giving it to Bucky to open. He watched with his bottom lip between his teeth as Bucky opened the box to pull out two chains, each dangling with a rectangular pendant.

Dog tags.

Their dog tags. Bucky raised his eyes to Sam’s, fisting his hand in Sam’s t-shirt to pull him closer into a searing kiss, all tongue and teeth and moans, hips grinding as passion merged with love and emotion.

“I love you!” Bucky growled and kissed Sam again. “And I got you chocolates that look like dicks. I didn’t know this would happen between us when I bought them, and I was going to give you a hint with them.”

Sam’s laughter echoed around their small house, the dopey smile on his face remaining intact as they ate candy and burnt sparklers into the night. In the colourful light that played on their faces, they held hands together, filling the void that was there with the warmth of each other.

“We can use the shield as a sleigh until you’re comfortable using it as a weapon.” Bucky mused and Sam smiled into his neck, thinking of a certain blond asshole who may have gone away, but will never be lost.

Permanent Taglist: @what-is-your-wish @shooting-star-love @stanmysoul @sweeterthanthis @scentedsongrebel @muralskins @rayofdawnworld @donutloverxo @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @angrythingstarlight @rockyrogers @slothspaghettiwrites @nerdygirl8203 

CE & Steve : @littlegasps @bluemusickid @harrysthiccthighss @abeyyaaar @slytherinandoutasgard @empath-bunny 

SebStan & Bucky : @sebastiansthot @its-izzys @harrysthiccthighss @empath-bunny

For this fic : @barnesandco​

[fizzingwizard]

Episode 30, the alleged halfway mark, at last!

I’m fresh out of jokes so let’s hop right into the review!

Pictured above: Characters who supposedly exist in this series

More under the cut as usual

So last week I listed the things episode 30 needed to do to make me not hate it. They were: 1) Sora had to stay with Taichi and be part of the action, 2) the other characters had to feature here and there to progress their storylines even if the main focus remained on Taichi, and 3) WarGreymon’s appearance needed to be dramatic.

Well... guess who didn’t get Bingo this episode -_____-’

I am... seriously... mind-boggled. This is bizarre. Yes, we all understand that evolutions just aren’t the big deal they were in 99 Adventure, BUT this episode DOES try to convince us that WarGreymon IS a big deal. It just fails at it spectacularly, in my opinion at least. As for the rest: Sora stays with Taichi, but he tells her to take the helpless Digimon to safety and then we don’t see her do anything but stand around waiting for Taichi. Most of the other characters don’t even get a cameo, let alone story progression. Taichi reflects on them briefly at one point but it’s unbelievably stupid. Only Koushirou has anything to do and he is STILL JUST STARING AT HIS COMPUTER.

My expectations for episode 30 weren’t super high, given the current storyline, but I’m honestly slackjawed by how BORING this episode was. They really seem to have decided to rest the entirety of the show on Taichi, and much though I love him, I just don’t think he CAN carry it by himself. Not only has he long been unbelievable as a grade school kid even for shonen anime standards, he doesn’t crack jokes, he doesn’t show personality... all he does is fight. Like, the show isn’t ALWAYS like this - I’ve legit enjoyed it a various times, and I know why - it was always when the team was together and we learned things about them and the fighting was balanced out. So I never know from one week to the next how I’m gonna feel about the new episode. But I do think this is the episode I hate the most to date. :/

We had a promising start with Garudamon still actively fighting several Megadramon at once, simultaneously barbecuing Sora.

Fortunately it’s magic so she’s not dead, nor has she fallen to death.

Taichi and MetalGreymon continue fighting the Allomon on the ground.

The mysterious Lopmon looks on with a judgmental glare, wondering why he isn’t currently being carried like a baby. Walking is hard, he wants to be carried. Taichi do your job

Taichi: cmon lopmon you have to learn to do things on your own

Lopmon: no I want to play video games

Taichi: well then I refuse to buy you any more games. if you want them you’ll have to get a job and earn the money

Lopmon: daaaad! youre ruining my life! uggh!

Koushirou keeps an eye on the misbehaving satellites.

Taichi and Sora debate what to do. It’s difficult to protect the forest Digimon while fighting at the same time, so Taichi tells Sora to bring them to safety while he fends off their enemies on his own. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS PLAN. Since it’s a shonen anime, I normally wouldn’t whine about this but... it was just last episode that we were shown Taich cannot cope with the combined attack of that many enemies at once on his own. He needed Sora’s help. Why he now thinks he can do it is a mystery.

Taichi can maybe handle the Allomon and Megadramon on his own, but last episode Tankmon also appeared, and this time, lo and behold, in comes Parrotmon. Sorry Taichi but you brought this on yourself.

Meanwhile Koushirou communicates with “someone from the Internet” and learns that the satellites are all rerouting to converge on the same location:

The freaking International Space Station!

Which will then surely explode! And cause lots of trouble both in space and on earth!

^Pictured: Koushirou’s “oh shit” face

^Pictured:MetalGreymon’s “oh shit” face

MetalGreymon proved to be weak to the lightning Parrotmon emits. If there’s a reason, they don’t explain, but I like the idea that he’s particularly weak to it because he’s a cyborg and the electricity disrupts his... circuits :P Then Parrotmon gets hit with a beam of dark energy and evolves!

Into Klosmon? Krosmon? IDK, IDC.

^Pictured: Taichi’s “oh shit” face

They get their butts handed to them. Taichi and Agumon fall unconscious. Rather than take the chance to deliver the finishing blow, Klosmon or whatever politely waits for them to wake up.

Taichi’s consciousness is swept into a white empty world...

where he finds the Crest of Courage looking weirdly sentient... or maybe that’s just me...

MetalGreymon just looks possessed

Taichi: Are you alive?

Agumon: Yeah... you okay?

Taichi: Yeah... uhh... well... sort of...

Not being dead = I’m still ok

So here’s where the episode really loses me... After visiting the blank world, Taichi is suddenly able to recall what happened after Devimon ate him.

This makes little sense since he seemed pretty KO’d at the time, but okay, find, he woke up long enough to see WarGreymon and now he’s remembering it, sure why not. But I hate that they did this whole “ohh he doesn’t remember!” thing and then solved it like this. Presto! Now he remembers! It’s maaaagic!

And as ADORABLE as the two of them holding hands like this and resolving to keep fighting is... I just can’t be impressed by a battle with Parrotmon. Or Klosmon or whatever it is now. There’s a reason most shows save dramatic moments and big epiphanies for battles that actually progress the storyline. It makes a much bigger impact. This just feels like someone saying “Woohoo it’s Tuesday!” and then you ask “what’s special about it, is it your birthday or something?” and they say “Nope I just felt like being excited that it’s Tuesday!”

I mean points for optimism and all but it doesn’t make a very good story.

Taichi helps Agumon walk x’D They are planning to keep fighting even like this.

And I get that the “never give up!” attitude is essential to the shonen anime protagonist, but when you literally can’t walk by yourself anymore, it’s important to take care of your health is ALSO an important message this show might consider teaching kids once in a while -.-”

In spite of his unsteady legs, Agumon’s still able to evolve again and powers up to fight Klosmon.

It uh... doesn’t go well.

The one cool thing here is the way Taichi sets about attempting to make MetalGreymon evolve. Although we already knew the children play an important role in evolving their partners, Taichi seems to really understand it now, and focuses deeply. It’s a much more active role than we’ve seen before - it seems like more than the usual “encouraging thoughts and emotional ties” spurring the evolution.

At least he’s still super cute.

So we have already seen the Crests many times, I knew that... but my theory was that, in order to reach the final evolutionary stage, they would need the help of the physical Crests. So that’s what I thought Mimi was doing with those crystals.

But Taichi is indeed about to call WarGreymon. So... I have no idea what use Mimi’s gonna find for those crystals x’D I suppose she’ll make herself and Palmon matching necklaces. Or sell them on the black market.

From her super safe hiding spot, Sora watches in awe, wishing she too were a real character on this show and not just an inconvenience as far as most of the writing staff are concerned

I love WarGreymon’s shield.

BAM. He appears. It’s dramatic. But only just.

WarGreymon defeats Klosmon and explodes the forest... Uhhh, weren’t we supposed to be protecting it?

Taichi and WarGreymon then join Sora and the forest Digimon and uh... that’s the episode.

Oh yeah, we get one more hint that Lopmon is more than just some random idiot. Lol. This episode hinted at Lopmon, reminded us that Hikari’s been abducted, and told us that the International Space Station might explode, and then addressed none of those.

The message on the bottom says that the next episode will be on January 10, meaning there will be no episode next week as per usual due to New Year’s holidays.

Next week’s episode:

Turns out Lopmon is one of the holy Digimon or something. Honestly not a surprise, I mean, it’s Lopmon. Should have occurred to me earlier.

Also we got what I think is our first named mention of Millenniumon and it looks like Hikari might find out somethig about him. So that’s cool. The rest of the episode seems to stick with Taichi and Sora’s group... The only thing I can say hopefully is that, since WarGreymon’s appeared, MetalGarurumon ought to be not too far off. So that should mean we at least get a Yamato-centric episode in the not too distant future.

Okay, a couple weeks ago I said I had some stuff to say but would wait till episode 30 to do it... so stop here if you don’t want to read me ranting :P It mostly amounts to what I complained about in the beginning: This season is just so hyper-focused on the fights and seems to treat the team aspect as an afterthought. Which makes no sense to me. Honestly, I don’t mind the excessive fighting - that’s common in shonen anime and grown up me can’t expect to be interested in the same stuff that interests 8 year old boys.

I don’t even mind the idea of Taichi’s role as main character getting an upgrade - like, in 99, he was the main character, but it was felt a lot less. Better balanced with the others’ roles, I mean. I think it’s totally okay to make Taichi a more central character and the plot focus in the new season - it wouldn’t be my choice, of course, but that doesn’t mean it’s inherently bad. But the way they’re going about it just doesn’t make sense to me. Even Taichi isn’t interesting half the time. He just fights.

Like I said before, this isn’t the way the show always is. There have been some highlights. I truly loved a few episodes, and the show does seem to have fallen into a pattern of being good for a while and then degrading into something like today’s episode. I don’t know why: budget? pandemic? or is this really, legitimately, what the show producers want to show kids? I guess, in the end, this show really may be about selling toys and selling toys only. (But, if that’s the case, I’m even more surprised that they don’t make a bigger deal about all the evolutions...)

A lot of things I liked the most happened in the very beginning - the first three episodes in particular. The characters interacted with each other. Their feelings and actions influenced each other. Fighting happened, a lot, but it wasn’t the only thing happening. I was pretty excited then. I didn’t expect to love this show like I love 99 - that’s just not possible, I’m too old and 99 is too special to me for me to trust my judgment - I was just happy to see the Adventure kids back and entertaining a new generation.

But since then it’s been a roller coaster with few highs and a lot of lows. Although it’s hard to imagine how the pandemic would have changed the storyline, episode 4 was where they paused the show for Japan’s lockdown-but-not-really, and once they picked back up the tone just seemed kind of different from the first three episodes. Not right away - I think the intro episodes for the rest of the team were pretty reminiscent of “Digimon Adventure” - but that makes sense, they had 4 ready to go and probably had made headway on the next few episodes before they closed down the studio. Anyway, that’s just a guess, since it seems like everything’s been affected by the pandemic, but with a few exceptions we have all been back to work more or less normally since June...

The thing is, there are lots of fighting shonen anime - tons of protagonists who never give up and never fall in spite of how hurt they get, and who get unlimited “evolutions” in return for their tenacity. That’s all fine. It’s the genre. But the thing is...! The thing is, those other shows, they all tend to have humor, to care at least marginally about character relationships, and understand that that’s how you build up a main character: just winning fights alone doesn’t cut it. So I just don’t know what to make of this new Adventure show. It’s FINE when the team is together. We get cool character moments and insights and even some joking around. But they KEEP SEPARATING THEM. This time they didn’t even have more than a single episode together before they were all split up again! I wonder if it’s because they’re having trouble getting all the voice actors in due to pandemic-related issues and budget issues etc. If so, HUGE bummer. Of all the years for Digimon Adventure to get a reboot... why did it have to be this miserable excuse for a year...

Le sigh.

But there’s nothing we can do about it. I’m just going to like what I like and hope for the best in the future. I really would love for the new Adventure to be popular with kids and keep that cast going. I don’t expect it to compete with the lids of Kinmetsu no Yaiba or anything. I just hope that, when we hit the final episode, we look back and say that the season was overall worth the reboot. I hate the thought of looking back and saying “well, that sure was dull.” It’s just an insult. 99 Adventure wasn’t the most unique storyline in the world, but it had a lot of uniqueness IN it, and what made it special was its treatment of the team and the child-partner relationships. The reboot doesn’t need to be exactly the same, but it shouldn’t be forgettable.

That’s why us being at the 30 episode mark concerns me. At this point we know how the show is paced and what’s it like. We can’t really argue that we just don’t know enough to make a judgmenet yet. It’s hard to believe things will suddenly change. If they do, assuming the change is for the better, I’ll be thrilled, but I’ll also feel sad that we missed out on so many chances for cool things to happen in the first half.

[flyingblackhawk]

Fun Taser Time

Avengers fic (Nat & Tony)

1,859 words

-

Los Angeles, 2011

“You should add gloves.”

Natasha looks up. Tony hasn’t said a word to her since they arrived at the makeshift debriefing facility Fury’s set up in downtown Los Angeles.

“What?” she asks.

“Gloves,” Tony repeats, not looking up from his phone. “For the- what do you call them? The electro-bracelets. Happy told me what went down at Hammer’s factory.”

Natasha looks down at her wrists. “SHIELD calls them Widow’s Bites.”

Tony scoffs. “Of course they do.”

“So,” she says, raising an eyebrow. “Gloves?”

“Mmm,” he says. He looks up. “Are they heavy?”

She shrugs. “Sometimes. Depends which ones I’m wearing.”

He leans forward, and she can see that he’s genuinely interested. She unclips one gauntlet and tosses it to him. Tony examines it.

“Did you come up with the idea?” he asks.

“Sort of,” she says. “Originally one held a line and compact grappling hook, and the other shot darts. SHIELD kept the look but traded the poison for electricity.”

“Projectiles?” he asks, still turning the bracelet in his fingers.

“Taser discs,” she says. “That one holds six, the other holds four.”

“What’s the charge like?”

She shrugs. “SHIELD got the wear time up to nineteen hours. Had to commandeer a couple of car batteries, but mostly that’s enough time to do what I need to.”

Tony tosses the weapon back to Natasha. She catches it, and clips it back onto her wrist.

A door opens, and an agent steps out, motioning for Tony to enter.

“Gloves,” Tony calls as he walks through the door. “Think about it.”

-

New York, 2012

The dust is still settling as the team eats. The owners of the little restaurant seem happy enough for the superheroes to stay as long as they like.

“How’s the battery working out for you?” Tony asks, through a mouthful of shawarma.

“Great,” Natasha replies. She holds up a gloved hand for him to see. “Still not empty.” Tony doesn’t smile - none of them have the energy for that - but he looks satisfied. Natasha has a lot to process after battling aliens all day, so she adds Tony’s fascination with her gear to the list.

“You know,” he says, after a while, “you could probably make the grappling hook even more compact.”

She leans forward, elbow on the table. “You think so?”

He nods. “Just depends what material you use. I’ve been playing around with different cables, and with a smaller hook I think you could reduce the size by half.”

Natasha finds herself oddly touched that Tony has spent time thinking about potential upgrades for her sake. “What kind of cable are we talking about?”

“I had a friend at MIT send some carbon fibre prototypes she’s been working on,” Tony tells her. “I’m thinking maybe a nylon composite.”

She nods. “We could move the garrotte wire into the right gauntlet to make room.”

“How do you guys have the energy for R&D right now?” Clint chuckles. The rest of the team give tired groans in agreement, and Natasha flips her partner off to tired laughter from the others.

“I’ll text you,” Natasha promises Tony.

-

Avengers Tower, 2014

“Hit it again.”

Natasha skips another disc down the gallery. It connects, electricity arcing over every inch of the dummy.

“Nice,” Natasha says.

“The new model holds twelve discs per gauntlet,” Tony says. Natasha knows him well enough now to hear the hint of pride he’s trying to mask with nonchalance.

“Which of the discs do you think we should go with?” she asks. Tony casts his eye over the table, laden with twenty different prototype taser discs.

“I like number seventeen,” he says. “And not just because it looks like an arc reactor. That was a coincidence. Maybe.”

Natasha laughs, and picks up the disc. “Alright. Seventeen it is. How about the power cell problem?”

“Still working on it,” he says. “I keep hitting the wall at the corner of charge time and weight. I’ll get there.”

Natasha goes to answer, but her phone buzzes in her pocket. She pulls it out and reads the message. When she looks up, Tony seems to know that fun taser time is over.

“Where to?” he asks.

“D.C.,” she sighs. “STRIKE team needs me. Something to do with a ship.”

“Need a ride?”

She shakes her head. “Rumlow’s already sent one. It’ll be here in half an hour. Thanks, though.”

By the time she’s geared up and ready, Tony has loaded the gauntlets with discs. He hands them to her as they take the elevator to the roof.

“You’ll have to make do with the prototypes until I can get production running on disc seventeen,” he says, and it almost sounds like a genuine apology.

“I’m sure I’ll make it work,” she tells him. On the roof, he waves her off as a SHIELD quinjet lands on the pad. She gets in, and is surprised to find that she feels a little sad to be leaving.

-

Washington D.C., 2014

As Natasha leaves the Senate Office Building, cameras flashing all around her, she sees a sleek black car roll up at the curb. She forces back a smile of relief, and pushes through the reporters. She opens the door and gets in, and the car pulls away from the flashes and shouts.

“You look pretty calm for someone who just dared the government to arrest her.”

She scoffs lightly. “I should have known you’d be listening in.”

Tony shrugs, not apologetic in the slightest. Natasha lapses into silence, watching the road through the window. The gravity of what she’s done in the last twenty four hours is not lost on her, nor is it lost on Tony. She can sense his discomfort, and she knows he won’t be able to summon a comforting word, but that’s never been his style anyway.

“How did the discs go?” he asks, eventually. Natasha has to smile. This has become their routine, and a substitute for any uncomfortable conversation.

“Seventeen’s still my favourite,” she tells him. “And I owe you several drinks for increasing the capacity. I needed every single disc.”

“Saving your life, one tiny taser at a time,” he smiles. “I’ve been thinking about some sort of blasting capability.”

She frowns. “What, like a stun gun?”

Tony nods. “For mid-range combat. I figure it gives you a halfway point between hitting someone directly with the gauntlet or launching a disc.”

“How much more power would that take?” she asks.

“A lot,” he admits. “But I’ve got a new prototype I’m working on. It’s going to take a couple of months at least, but I think I’ve hit on a solution to the power problem.”

“Seriously?”

“I never joke about tasers.”

She laughs, and for a moment she feels all the weight lift off her shoulders. Even with the world turned upside down, Tony is a constant, and she’s grateful.

-

Avengers Tower, 2015

“I’ve got a present for you,” Tony declares in a sing-song voice.

“What did I tell you about calling me before seven in the morning?” she yawns. She’s already up anyway, and it’s always fun to start the day with taser practice in the lab. She dresses, and heads down to the R&D levels, stopping only on the lounge floor to make two cups of coffee. Tony is in the lab he’s dedicated to developing gear for the team. He’s currently at a long bench that has become his permanent work area for Natasha’s weapons.

“Morning,” she says, and hands him his coffee.

“You’re going to love this,” Tony tells her. He grabs a case from under the table and unlatches it, swivelling it around to reveal a full suit. Natasha raises her eyebrows.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he says, pointing an accusing finger. “I got the measurements from one of your spare suits.”

Natasha pulls the suit from the case, and lays it out on the table. Quietly delighted, she traces a finger over what seems to be black piping. As she touches it, the piping glows a bright blue, and she watches the light spread all over the suit, converging at the wrists.

“What is this?” she asks. Tony is grinning, obviously pleased with himself.

“Power cells,” he says. “Thousands of them, all over the suit. More than enough to equip you with two compact blasters plus a new grappling hook and a backup clip of six discs on each thigh, underneath your holsters.”

“This is amazing,” she says, running her hands over the smooth material.

“That’s not even the best part,” he says. He opens a drawer and produces two gauntlets. He hands them to her, and motions for her to put them on. She does, and he’s practically bouncing with glee.

“Okay,” he says. “Do as I do.” He brings his right hand up to his left shoulder, and then throws his hand back down in a quick movement. Natasha imitates, and in an instant a baton shoots out from her gauntlet. She grabs it out of reflex, but it’s connected to her wrist. She grins, and raises it up to inspect it. It glows the same blue as the piping in the suit.

“Hit the dummy,” Tony says. Natasha acquiesces, and strikes the dummy. Electricity crackles, and the much-abused dummy is blown off balance and crashes to the floor. Tony claps, though she’s not sure if he’s applauding her or himself.

“This is going to be fun,” she grins.

-

Avengers Facility, 2015

Natasha knows it’s not forever, but it still feels strange to be saying goodbye to Tony after everything they’ve been through. The wounds of Sokovia are still fresh for both of them, and she thought he’d at least stay until they can find Bruce. But Tony will do as Tony wants, she knows that. Besides, she and Steve have their work cut out for them here.

“I’ll miss you,” she says, looking around the lab.

“You’ll have plenty to do,” he reassures her. “And our monthly lunch date still stands.”

“Burgers in the R&D labs doesn’t count as lunch.”

“You’re wrong, but I’ll miss you too.”

She can see the guilt in him as clearly as she recognises it in herself. For a moment, she is tempted to ask him to stay. But this facility is not the place for him now. He’s talked about settling down somewhere with Pepper, and she can understand the draw of a life like that.

“Keep me updated,” she says, as she walks him out of the lab. “I’m going to need an upgrade on the baton power.”

“And I’m thinking more cells on the suit,” he says. “We’ve still got work to do, don’t you worry about that.”

Natasha smiles. “If you ever want to blast stuff with tasers, you’ve got my number.” She kisses him on the cheek, which leaves him looking surprised. They hover for a moment, as if they’re about to hug, but that’s never been their style.

“I’ll call you when I’ve got something new for you,” he says.

“Promise?” she asks.

He smiles, and it’s tired, but genuine.

“Promise.”

[existing-on-cloral]

Brooklyn's Night Terrors

A Steve Rogers X Reader Fanfiction

The pretty scientist working to eradicate a vigilante villain catches the eye of the former Captain America. He jumps back into the time machine, becoming young again in order to live out a new life with his best friends, and perhaps her.

Paradise has a price, however.

The tracked vigilante kidnaps Sam Wilson and leaves the shield for Steve to take up one last time. Reluctantly, Steve takes on the mantle of Captain America once more as he teams up with his old pal Bucky Barnes and the beautiful and deadly smart scientist.

"Lust can cloud the mind, but love makes it clear as day."

Chapter Three: Hero's Duty

Steve takes up the shield again. His scientist isn't impressed. Nevertheless, he instructs her to pick up his backup soldier.

The room he had been escorted to was tiny, with only a couch and a coffee table. Steve assumed it was some sort of break room for employees. He definitely needed a break after hearing the news on Sam.

"Mr. Rogers?"

Steve jumped, spinning around to see you standing in the door way. "Oh, hello," he said. "What can I do for you?"

You held out the package you had been carrying. "Agent Carter asked me to bring these to you." Your eyes shone in the lights of the room, giving off an almost magical feel to them. When Steve stepped closer, however, he saw that your eyes were brimming over with tears.

"What's the matter?" he asked, digging around in his pocket for a handkerchief.

At this, you dropped the package and burst into tears, hiding your face in your hands. Steve stopped his search immediately and tilted your chin up. "Don't hide your face," he whispered. "Tell me what's wrong."

You sniffed, dropping your hands to your sides. "It's just... Sam and I went out for coffee and we stayed out all afternoon. When we were... when we decided to leave, Sam... Sam offered to take me back to the compound." You looked Steve dead in the eye, stepping closer to him. "Then she appeared."

Steve tugged you over to the couch and sat, pulling you next to him. He put his arm around your shoulders and, finally finding his handkerchief, wiped away your tears. "Who appeared?"

"The Blue Reaper," you choked out, clutching at Steve's hand like it was a lifeline. "She was after me, I know it. She shot at me but Sam took the dart instead." You sobbed into the handkerchief. "Typical. The first guy Sharon sets me up with that I actually might like, and he gets kidnapped."

Steve's heart dropped into his stomach. "Oh, I'm so sorry," he managed, even though his throat was constricting and he feared that he may never be able to show his face to Sam again. You liked Sam.

You liked Sam.

Still, Sam was his best friend, and he couldn't just let him stay kidnapped for the purpose of keeping you close. "I promise," he started, then remembered how easily he had broken a promise to a woman before. But he couldn't turn back now. "I promise that I will do my best to get Sam back."

You threw your arms around him and your cries quieted. "I believe you," you whispered.

Steve relaxed, stroking your hair. "Oh, I almost forgot. What's in the package?"

You laughed. Steve loved your laugh. "Open it," you said, retrieving it from the floor and handing it to him.

"It's not gonna jump at me or anything, right?" he joked, taking it and tearing off the brown paper. He pulled open the flaps of the box and froze. Inside was his old uniform, not the one from the 40s, but the one he'd been wearing when he went into the past.

"If you're gonna wield the shield again, you need a proper suit." You patted the box's side, smiling down at it fondly. "You probably don't remember this, but before S.H.I.E.D. collapsed, Tony asked me to help him design some upgrades for the team. I added the magnets to your suit, as well as Natasha's."

Steve pulled the suit out of the box. "Well, if I'm gonna find Sam, I gotta get to it. New York is a big place." A thought began to form. "Maybe I'll need some help."

You crossed your arms, staring him down. "I appreciate your promise... and your bravery and loyalty towards your friends... but don't you think you deserve a break? Give Bucky the shield, and he can work on the red in his ledger."

He gave you a look. "Sam's my friend, and I chose him to take the shield. If I have to use it to get him back, I'm perfectly fine with taking it up one last time." You still weren't convinced. "Besides, Bucky's done so much for me. It would be wrong to ask him to fight again when he's just gotten an opportunity for a break."

"So then, who's your backup?" You fingered the fabric of the suit, refusing to meet his eye.

"Well, I was hoping you'd come with to look for clues, DNA samples and the like." Your head snapped up and you stared at him, eyes wide. "It'll be okay. I'll protect you."

You shook your head. "It's a good idea, and I'd be happy to, but I meant, like, people with super stuff who can actually fight." You stared down at yourself, wishing you were a little stronger so you could at least use a gun or something.

"Don't worry." Steve gave you a smile. Not a Captain America smile, a Steve smile. Your heart warmed immediately. Steve patted you on the shoulder. "I'll give you an address, you go pick him up. Can you do that for me?"

Could you do that for Steve? Um, yes you could.

"Any way I can help," you promised. "Just know, I'm worried. You deserve a lifetime of rest since you spent a lifetime fighting for the world."

Steve sighed and stood, fingers moving to the buttons on his shirt. "I know. I also know my friend's in danger." He undid the top button and slowly worked his way down.

"What... What are you doing?" you blurted. Steve turned, realizing what he was doing.

"I was going to put the suit back on," he said, shirt hanging open, revealing more of his chest than you ever thought you'd see. Captain America indeed...

"Oh." You turned your head away. "I'll just... I'll just go." You stood, scrambling for the door.

"Wait," Steve said. He tore off some of the brown paper and pulled a pen out of his shirt pocket. (So he was one of those men.) "Here." He scribbled an address on the sheet and handed it to you. "Go pick him up, and call me when you've got him and he's safe."

You took the sheet, but your brow furrowed. "I don't have your phone number."

Steve nodded to the paper. You looked it over, and noted that he'd scribbled his number at the bottom. "Thank you."

Before he could actually take his shirt off, you left, slamming the door behind you. Everything that had just happened hit as you hurried to pick up one of the company cars. Steve had a. Partially undressed in front of you and b. Given you his phone number. You shook the feeling of excitement off, reminding yourself that it wasn't fair to Sam.

Find the backup, call Steve in a business-like manner, and save Sam. Easy enough.

You drove into the heart of New York City, passing through different neighborhoods as your GPS beeped out directions. It began to turn you further and further into strange neighborhoods, ones for people that had been displaced by "The Blip" as the news was calling it. You stopped outside of an apartment building and headed in, making sure to double lock the car. Paranoia was a part of being an agent and a scientist, but locking the car until it beeped was, to you, common sense.

The building had no security, no front desk, just a list of people that lived there. You found the name you were looking for and headed to the second floor. The actual apartment took a little longer to find, but you had experiences with apartment buildings, having lived in one yourself after college. Finally, you were knocking on the door of what you hoped was the correct apartment.

A woman opened the door, propping it open with her hip as she leaned against it. "Can I help you?" she asked.

You pulled out your badge from S.P.E.C.I.A.L. and introduced yourself. "I'm looking for your nephew."

She sighed, pushing her hair out of her eyes. Her face twisted in concentration, but she finally turned back and called out, "Peter? There's someone here to see you."

Behind the living room, a door opened and a young man stepped out. He carefully closed the door behind him, but not before you saw the legendary Spider-Man suit laying on his bed. He came over to the door, clearly in no hurry. "Hi," he said, voice timid. "I'm Peter."

You extended your hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Peter." You said your name in return, and he shook your hand.

"Are you going to arrest me?" he asked. For a second, you thought he was joking, but then you saw the fear in your eyes. He reminded you of yourself when you were his age. Scared to leave your house for fear of failing.

"No, Peter, I'm here to help." You held out your badge once again. "A friend of mine is in trouble, and... Well, let's just say Captain America wanted some backup."

Peter's eyes widened. "Can I go?" he asked his aunt, tone changing from scared to excited, just like that.

She sighed, ruffled her nephew's hair, and said, "Go get your suit. And be careful."

He ran to his room, throwing the door open and stuffing his suit into a backpack. Within seconds, he was back at the door. "I'm ready."

You thanked his aunt and led Peter to the car, opening the shotgun door for him. Once you got in the car, you locked the doors and started the engine. "I'm sorry for what happened in London," you said. "For what it's worth, I don't think you're a bad guy."

"That means a lot," Peter said, reaching for his seat belt. "I really appreciate it."

Then you remembered your promise to Steve and picked up your phone, inputting his phone number quickly and then hitting the call button. Realizing you didn't want to kill Peter because you weren't paying attention to the road, you put the phone on speaker. He picked up just as you were pulling out of your parking spot. "Hey, Steve," you greeted him.

Steve immediately asked, "Did you get him?"

"That's Steve Rogers!" Peter interrupted. "I thought he was old and that Mr. Wilson was the new-"

You cut Peter off quickly. "Yeah, I got him. He's excited to be back in the game." Glancing at Peter, you watching him bounce in his seat, clearly eager to talk to Steve again.

Steve laughed. "I can tell. Get him back to the compound and we'll get started searching." His tone warmed. "Be careful."

"I will," you promised. "Bye, Steve." He told you goodbye, and Peter hit the end call button for you.

"So he's back? Is he Captain America again?" Peter fired off questions one after the other, not giving you any time to answer. "Are you guys dating?" He stopped. "Sorry, that was probably really personal. It's just nice to be trusted for once."

You smiled. Peter was the most enthusiastic superhero you'd ever encountered. And he was nice, too. "Um, he's back to normal, but he's just Cap for a while, until we get Sam back. Sam's been kidnapped," you added, the fact that you hadn't even told Peter what was going on hitting you. "And, um, no, Steve and I are not dating."

Peter giggled. "Okay," he sang, turning to the radio. "Can I play some music?"

"Have at it," you said. Peter immediately pressed the on button. A beautiful melody played through the speakers.

"I want some rock," he muttered, messing with the tuning dial. "Where-" he stopped on a news station that was releasing the "newest information on the whereabouts of Mr. Peter Parker, accused of being the murderous vigilante Spider-Man". Immediately, he shut off the radio and slumped back in his seat. "They get closer every day," he mumbled.

Your heart swelled with sympathy for the young man. He had been through so much already and he wasn't even (technically) eighteen.

"Well, we'll just have to move you for a little while, then," you said, turning your head to smile at Peter. He smiled back, but then his eyes widened and his shorter hairs actually stuck up.

"Watch out!" he called, pointing to the road. You turned and almost screamed. Standing in the middle of the road was a soldier with a mask on, but his bleach-blond gave him away. Even worse was the symbol painted on the leather harness crossing his chest. It was a skull surrounded by snake heads.

"Hydra," you choked, just before Quicksilver shot out your tires and you skidded to a stop. Quickly, you pulled out your phone and, slamming on the gas even though that would screw over the wheels even more, you called Steve.

"Steve!" you screamed when he picked up. "Steve, I'm pulling out of Queens, a soldier just shot out my tires but I have to keep driving."

You could hear the clink of the shield as he ran. "I'm on my way! Tracking your car. Who was the soldier, do you know?" Smoke began to leak out of your engine and you coughed, doing your best not to inhale it, but Steve needed to know.

"Our fears have been confirmed," you panted, gesturing for Peter to put on his mask and get ready to fight if need be. "The Blue Reaper figured out the time machine and-" you broke down into coughs as your body fought the smoke filling the cabin, "-she's wasting no time. She brought back Quicksilver. Even worse, I was right."

"What do you mean?"

Taking a second to steady the car, even though it was about to crash, you finally got out. "The Blue Reaper works for Hydra."

In the split second before the car hit the building up ahead, Peter grabbed your waist, punched through the car ceiling, and swung you up to the top of the nearest safe building.

Down below you, the car burst into flames, but Quicksilver hadn't noticed Peter's rapid ascent. He ran up to the car, stopping before the flames could touch him. After a moment, long enough for you to open the sound magnification tech on your phone, he turned and said, "Targets are both dead. I'll go after Rogers next."

Your heart stopped.

Steve.

With trembling fingers, you send the audio to both Steve and Director Fury.

"What are we going to do?" Peter asked, fear apparent in his eyes even behind the mask.

You squinted into the street, watching Quicksilver disappear at top speeds. Though you had never had the personal pleasure of meeting the Sokovian speedster, you did know his sister, and you were one of the only people unafraid to approach her after his death.

"Call Wanda. We need to get through to him and sway him to our side if possible. And we need to stop the Blue Reaper from bringing... back... anyone else..."

With these brave words, the smoke you'd inhaled overtook your adrenaline and you passed out.

[hoopdiddies]

I'm Not Over You //Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 9)

A/N: All the fact checking had me reeling to be honest and this is one long-ass chapter, longer than the one where I said 'it's the longest I've written' but actually this wins the competition. I've used some lyrics from the song Photograph cos I felt like it would go nicely with the flow plus I am weak with hospital scenes because of the distresses that occur within it but I tried ya know ¯_(ツ)_/¯ It's a little messy and dramatic on a side note because I had to deal with some outside disturbances as well and my mind was on other things 😔 But again, thank you guys for supporting this series! Your feedbacks mean a lot ♥ Tag list is always open!! (seriously, I need more people to tag xd)

Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you the two of you met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Warnings: That angst from 8? Yeah, it just upgraded, fluff if you, like, use a microscope, explicit description of blood and injuries, swearing but I kept it to a minimum, mentions of death but there's actually no death. Melodrama, ig? Sorry, I had a hard time writing consistently this week ^^'

WC: 6.5k (Someone got carried away.)

Tags: @haendel-me-with-care

@mrsdoradominguez-barnes

@mickmoon

@lakef

@mrsmazzello

@valeriecarolinaw

@queen-turtle-boiii

@loveandbeloved29

@hardzzellos

Parts: 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

"Someone please help! Help us! "

"Bloody bastard just drove off without even stopping! "

"Are you fu- you left your phone?! He's barely clinging on to life!! Ask a random person to dial 911!"

"Oh god, what- what do we do- his head, his freaking head! There is so much blood right now!"

"D-don't move his neck! He's critical!"

"Rosy. Rosy. Calm down...he has to be fine..he should be... "

"An ambulance is on its way!"

"His head is fucking bloody! Do you even want- fuck! Someone help here! Someone, please help! "

"Is he even breathing?! "

"Oh god, Y/N! He's not- he's not! "

"You better not be joking around!"

"Joe! He is bloody dying and you think I'm fucking joking?!"

"He has no pulse as well..."

"I got to- I have to make an attempt to resuscitate him. "

"Are you sure?"

"We're not waiting for that goddamn vehicle! If I don't do it, he's going to die!"

"Wake up, Ben! Please, wake up..."

Blur. That's what everything was. A huge, uncoordinated, focal blur. A sea of people had crowded the scene like a flock of sheep ready to graze on the pasture, except the only green they had for their eyes was the sight of six, dreadful friends taking it in their hands to keep the seventh one grounded while they wait for professional help.

The ones with flashing cameras hoisted up high to document the scene disgusted you down to the pits of your stomach and you had wished for them to scatter away. You all, especially you had to bear the agony of seeing him motionless on the asphalt ground– without breath, skin drained of color while the only color highlighted in the spectrum was the copious but graphic amount of blood that had tainted the spot he was lying in– his hair coated in the sticky, sanguinary puddle, creating a traumatizing mix of blond and deep red that you now couldn't forget. The tears pricking from your eyes when you had given him mouth to mouth mingling with his bleeding forehead.

He had lost all consciousness at a maximum.

You had ached to cradle his body right there and then but had you acted on impulse; it would've worsened the situation.

Medics had filled in the scene seconds after you had given Ben a well-thought out CPR undeterred by your raging adrenaline. He was then brought into the ambulance with Rosy tagging along to be there when they rush him into the ER. You had gone after with the others in Gwilym's car, your shaking hands coated with drying blood -his drying blood- as you made your way to the hospital in a blistering cruise.

You're still in your dress, only topped with Joe's designer blazer to shield you from the cold and a warm, half-empty cup of brew situated between your palms partially substituting the natural heat of your skin, waiting quietly in the lounging room. They had transferred Ben to a private room after performing an operation on his head and scanning him afterwards. One of the emergency doctors remarked that if it weren't for your initiative to follow first aid protocol and give him immediate resuscitation before help had arrived– he would have gone ten minutes early.

You've been waiting an hour and a half for the doctor to step out of the room and deliver the news about his condition. And while you do that, Joe and Lucy have gone off to collect a fresh pair of clothing from the hotel for you to change into. Rosy is stood at the entrance making some calls, Gwilym and Rami have gone back to their respective hotels to change clothes and come back for the news.

You felt light hearing that comment but it's nothing compared to the aftermath of the accident. It was a hit-and-run and the driver didn't even step on his breaks or bother to stop to take responsibility.

Rami's blazer that had been used to delay Ben's bleeding has been given back to him for dry cleaning. To complicate the situation, you're supposed to be boarded on a plane back to England eight hours from now yet that's something you have to cross out from the bucket list, entirely. You're not going anywhere unless Ben heaves out a single sigh of life.

Not a single step out the fucking institution unless he opens those eyes.

Unless he parts his lips.

Unless he says your name.

You owe it to him for saving your life, nearly costing his.

And it's just 2 in the morning.

You put down the cup on the space next to you, bringing your hands up to your lowered head, underneath your eyes watering from all of that's happened tonight.

"We're back." Two figures stand before you minutes after your eyelids have fluttered shut in despair. You lift your head to be met with Joe and Lucy in their casual clothes, smiling sadly at you with paperbags in hand.

You return that smile with a much weaker one. They settle the bags down and Joe sinks down on one knee in front of you, taking your face in his hands gently while he peeks up at you. "I see the news isn't out yet. You can change, we'll take care of it."

"You sure?" You mumble quietly. He nods and you prolong a sigh as you sit up, getting tenderly lulled into a hug by Lucy. "He's gonna be okay." She expresses definitely as she rubs your back. You thank her for the reassurance before taking one of the bags that contains your clothes.

Pulling the hem of your sweatshirt in place, you couldn't wait to escape the lavatory. It smells of newly applied bleach and the pungent odor is plain nauseating. You close the door with the bag in hand on your way out but freeze in your spot as a certain, exclusive news breaks out in the TV screen above you.

"Just 10pm tonight, Bohemian Rhapsody and EastEnders star, Ben Hardy, has reportedly been gravely involved and injured in a hit-and-run just outside of Wallis Annenberg Center during the ongoing Vanity Fair after party. Sources said that he had dashed headlong down the traffic-jammed streets to what they said was an attempt to save co-star's, Joe Mazzello, date from an incoming vehicle– which he had succeeded in as he failed to save himself–" The rest of the news anchor's words go unprocessed in your head as you hurriedly trace your way back to the lounging area, unwilling to hear recurring reports at yours or anyone's expense.

It already hurts enough that you think it's partly your fault for acting so careless.

By now, the attending physician should be out and conveying the news to Lucy and Joe and as you arrive– he is, hands in his lab coat pockets, informing them in the most serious of tones.

They see you approaching and you ask immediately, words stumbling out of your mouth like perceivable beats. "Doc, how is he? How's Ben?"

With Lucy and Joe already informed about it, the doctor decides to tell you himself to save them the hassle. "He should be fine soon. However I must be frank with you, miss," your heart loses a beat for a fraction of a second at the suspense rising, "he flat lined twice in the ER. It took three sets of defibs to get his heart beating again." Hearing him break to you that Ben was a simple step away from death as they tried to treat him drains the warm color palette in your face, even with the affirmation that he's going to be alright; knowing there were two moments in which he had slipped in and out of life at the same time just upsets your stomach.

The doctor continues with his report, telling you that he's suffered from a mild to severe head trauma caused by the blunt force when he had his scalp dragged along the asphalt. Apparently he fissured the the near front of his skull and underwent neurosurgery for it.  You quickly get the idea, having studied a series of medical topics of course, but it doesn't invalidate the fact that it still sounds like a bad thing.

The doctor sighs and adds. "Although he bled internally at a minimum, he's lucky to have bled externally for the most part."

Forming a steeple of your fingers and stealing a quick glimpse of Lucy and Joe, you gulp hard. "How long 'til he wakes up?"

"I'd say in about 48 hours. His scan results after the surgery showed promise for a stable recovery though he might wake up a little dazed at first due to the moderate concussion," at least you're getting the assurance that he's waking up, "your friend has a thick skull. He'll recover in time, but with short-term effects."

48 hours. Not enough time for you to stay or leave.

"Can we see him? Right now?" Setting your expectations to the highest, you ask with a glimmer of hope and the doctor approves, minding you to turn down the lights in the room as Ben would likely be sensitive to it by the time he wakes. "A nurse will come by and check on him every once in a while as well."

You nod weakly, thanking him professionally as you gradually hang your head in disappointment. He wishes Ben a speedy recovery before turning on his heels, leaving you to it.

Lucy brings her short hair up in a pigtail, asking as she lifts up her share of the paper bags. "Are we going in now? I mean, the doc said we're able to." She vaguely points at the door of the room and you and Joe swap looks before deciding on it. You collect your items from the seats and draw in breaths as you follow suit, stepping into the room and being welcomed by the almost odorless whiff of paint and medicine; along with the light to moderate blow of the air conditioner.

As the door clicks close, you stand motionless yet internally trembling at the heartbreaking sight of Ben lying unresponsive, surrounded by various machines working to keep him alive. Flanking his bed are the heart monitor -fully functional- and a medical ventilator from which he is breathing from. He's hooked up to an IV bag with a breathing tube put into his mouth, his left arm is propped upon his abdomen but protected around a plaster and supported within a blue arm sling and lastly, his head is wrapped in a layer of roller bandage– the giveaway of his major injury.

"Y/N..." Joe cooing breaks you off from your vacant gaze but you hand him a forlorn eye as bring yourself to Ben's side, glancing over his limp body. He's taken quite a hit to have fractured his arm like this. His complexion didn't appear as livid as it is now and marking his bottom lip -which has lost that luscious red tint as well- is a small bruise, parted from his upper lip as he involuntarily breathes through the tube in his mouth. You don't hear his slow exhales but the normal rise and fall of his chest consoles a small part of you; the stable beeping of the heart monitor being the only occuring noise in the room. Concerned with how awfully quiet you've gone, Lucy and Joe give each other fitting looks as they share the same thought on the situation. As one of them begins to step close to ensure you're taking it well, you pipe up before them, your once honey-laced voice diminished to a monotone. "It's...not my fault."

"Of course, it's not," Lucy, being the one who has taken that step close, tenderly agrees but you add.

"It's not but it feels like it is."

Now Joe steps up next but stop as you add once more.

"And I told him I wanted to forget him and for him to do the same." Now some tears are inevitable.

"Y/N-"

"As impractical as it is to think about it now, but what if he does?" your hand has now hovered over him, the nerves of the pads of your fingers itching to skim themselves over his free hand, "I don't want to go. But I have to and he's still not gonna wake up by the time I leave."

His condition just yearns for your touch but you don't want to lay a hand on him just yet, out of the fear that you might hurt a small part of him.

Joe sighs softly as he puts his hands on your shoulders, rubbing them with ease. "Why don't you just email the institution about it? Tell them you're gonna have to delay because of an urgent matter."

"I can do that, but only a day after. I can't take long."

"Rami and Gwilym are on their way," Lucy reminds as she gets off her phone from messaging them, "with some food and water."

"None of us are burning the midnight oil then," Joe stretches his limbs and returns to the couch to take a moment to relax, eyes snapping wide as he remembers something. "By the way, Y/N. If you spilled your heart out to him earlier, did you include the bit where our relationship was all but pretend?"

Surely the stare you and Lucy are sharing towards him could render the atmosphere painful but you answer regardless of the topic, shaking your head as you turn your attention to Ben once more. "No. But he's bound to question it. That is if he remembers what happened."

Lucy rests her hand on her hip as she glances at the heart monitor, the waves tempting her eyes to follow them. "Doctor never implied anything about amnesia."

The three of you fall silent again with you locking your gaze at the man who didn't want to let you go. Who chased you down a busy highway knowing he'd bite the dust if he did and ended up saving you at the expense of his own well-being.

And life.

And his own soul.

He'll recover in a short period, yes. But when you had gently grazed your trembling hand over his bloodied head in the middle of the street, it was as if he was bound to never wake up. A visual you want to shake off for the sake of composure.

Joe and Lucy take notice of your stilled silence again, their expressions low-spirited. Taking small steps towards you, Lucy wraps her arms around your shoulders from behind and pulls out a certain object from her back pocket, slipping it to you. "Found this in the inner pocket of Ben's tainted blazer when the doctors gave his clothes to us."

You cast your gaze to what she's holding and hear your heart shatter at what it is. You slowly take it from her and sweep your thumb over it.

Ben's share of your Homecoming picture.

And behind it, the same date and continuation of what was written on your half.

You piece it in your mind and feel your eyes cloud with tears, a droplet making a small patter as it lands on the polaroid.

He kept it. In his blazer. He brought it along with him.

_I'm not going... anywhere at all. _

"But I am." You mutter as opposed to  the words in your head. For as long as you love him and he doesn't in the way you do, distancing yourself is something that needs to be done to make sure you finally let go. You'd stick around but it would further fragment your soul.

Just in time to tear you from reaching your breakfing point, the door creaks open to two men and a red-haired woman, two of whom are grasping paper bags containing some food and water and one with an overwrought look, respectively.

Lucy leaves your side and walks over to Rami's, kissing his cheek and helping them unload their items on the coffee table. Gwilym gives the three of you, and Rosy who had followed in behind them, an individual hug– asking you about Ben's condition as he lays eyes on him.

You assure him of a smooth recovery and it unknots the lump of worry he's under.

"Oh, Ben, baby... " Breaks down Rosy, who whizzes past you to tear up over her injured fiance. She gazes down painfully at the man before her and delicately fondles his blanch cheek, eyes narrowed to the point where her face has contorted to a scowl which she throws directly at you. "This is all your fault. "

Your brows crease at her in absolute confusion. "What are you talking about?" Sensing that an altercation is about to take place, the rest stumble quiet in preparation for the worst. Joe readies himself to butt in in case it escalates further.

"What did you say to him?" She asks you in a form of a hiss.

"Nothing! I-"

"He chased you down! You must have said something that set him off!" Her demanding voice echoes off the walls, overlaying the beeping and whizzing of both the heart monitor and ventilator. You begin swearing to her that you didn't say anything of the sort but trail off as you realize that what you had actually said, was something that indeed hurt him.

You draw your lips between your teeth and clench your fist, unable to respond with the truth, fearing it might just fuel the fire.

"That's- that's not important now." You shake your head dismissively and turn around.

"It is. You led Ben out into the street, agitated."

"Rosy, please. Can we not talk about this now? We're squabbling in front of an unconscious man-"

"Okay girls. Our boy is out cold but that doesn't mean he can't hear, right?" Eager to quench the growing conflict, Gwilym slides in between the dangerous proximity you've put yourselves in and you huff an apology.

On the other hand, Rosy does the complete opposite. "No, Gwilym. He has been acting strange for weeks and to think tomorrow's supposed to be our wedding! And this is all because of her."

Gwilym turns to her firmly and tries calming - or rather shutting her up for the sake of the peace Ben needs to heal- her down. "We're not throwing fingers here. I know tomorrow's the day and you don't want to put him under pressure, right? I don't think he's going to succumb to waking up if this goes on."

Rami, Lucy and Joe have remained unbelievably quiet but are as keen as Gwilym to prevent something unnecessary as this. It's barely 3 am in the morning for the love of God and you're all in a hospital room. Sleeping patients could bang their fists on the walls from the other side any time.

You, on the other hand, have already made four steps towards the door, ready to leave the room to be alone with your thoughts for the night but you're unable to twist the knob as Rosy snaps once more with the hint, distressing with a clenched jaw.

She's unrelenting.

"Please Y/N, you're overstepping and frankly it's getting in the way of my relationship with Ben."

"You have no idea what I'm trying to do," You mumble in the most bitter of intonations for Rosy to get the message, your fingers clenching around the knob and producing a faint chink. "But he's my best friend. Let me be the person I've always been to him, " you whip your head at her -a stare you're certain could equal to a pelted javelin- and draw your brows together, pleading on account of choosing to be present in a crisis such as this, " he's all yours anyway."

With a strong swing of the door, you march angrily out of the room, making your way outside the building to blow off steam – the smooth rub of the polaroid between your fingers surrendering you to tears.

You give yourself exactly 48 hours to stay before heading back to England to board your flight for Spain.

10 hours

Ben's accident was a clean hit-and-run. Apparently some bystanders had snapped a shot of the license plate the moment the car slowed down and accelerated afterwards. It was then delivered to the police to be given further investigation. His parents have flown in from England to visit him and you badly wish you could greet them but some things are just too heavy to do right now. Back at the hospital, Ben's been given hourly checks and assessments, with each desired result constant. He's not responsive to any physical contact but the doctor is certain that he can perceive sound and sound only.  His body is asleep but his mind isn't.

The rest will be visiting him at dusk while you're going in late with Joe.

After sending an email to the university about your 24-hour delay, you spend the entire day just waiting to go down there and be by his side. Regarding your solitude in the hotel room, Rami had Lucy stay in with him for the meantime and being initially worried about leaving you, she had asked for your permission to which you said yes to.

Sometimes in the day, you can't hold back a few tears at the flashing memory.

17 hours

Loving can hurt

Standing in front of the private room, you clutch the collar of your shirt anxiously, hearing incoherent but distinct murmurs on the other side of the door. Joe looks down at you and squeezes your hand lightly to relieve you of pressure. He knows how much this is affecting you, and though not visually shown, he's taking it hard too.

Loving can hurt sometimes

The door opens to a couple you've familiarized yourself with for so long. Ben's parents.

"Y-Y/N?" Says his mum, unable to believe that it's you standing before her. Your breath hitches as you grin sadly, being pulled into her embrace. "It's been so long."

"It has, Mrs. Jones."

Joe shakes hands with his father as he introduces himself politely. Mr. Jones greets you in with a light hug as well and you can't help but spill a few tears.

But it's the only thing that I know

They give you full access to the room

as they themselves have to leave for a while, thereby trusting their son to his closest circle. Knowing how tight you and Ben are, they give you much of their trust on this one and you'd want nothing more than to make sure he'll wake up without any further complications. They obviously know about Rosy but witnessing how long you and Ben have grown on one another, they trust you the most.

They bid you and Joe goodbye, leaving access to the room exclusive.

When it gets hard

As you begin closing the door behind Joe, he insists that you have some alone time with him. Though it may feel weird but he feels as if you need this the most with time going against you now. Touched by his thoughtfulness, you give him a quick embrace before he leaves you to it.

You know it can get hard sometimes

The sight before you hasn't changed that much.

The same monitors and the same person.

Same feeling.

However you'd rather take everything

in a different light and situation.

You fiddle with your fingers as you accumulate the strength to swallow the lump in your throat, drawing yourself to his side. The mild, incessant whirring of both the air conditioner and ventilator occupies the silent atmosphere along with the steady beeps of the heart monitor, blocking the huge gulp you've taken.

It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

Slowly taking a seat on the stool positioned beside the guard rails of the bed,  you let out a quavery sigh– the byproduct of all the tearing up you've  done today. You take his free hand in yours and stroke his pale knuckles with your thumb, leaning in to plant a kiss on it.

We keep this love in a photograph

"Ben? It's me. Can you hear me?"

One-sided conversations are helpful according to experts and this is the perfect opportunity to tell him everything without having to bear the flits in his expression.

But you beg to differ.

We made these memories for ourselves. Where our eyes are never closing.

You continue, allowing every crack and quiver to manifest in your voice no matter how relatively pathetic it will make you sound.

"Ben, please, you gotta wake up. You're leaving us in a hot mess here, bud. Hell, you gave your parents the scare of their lives. I know I'm starting off rough with this, but it's all cause you had to leap in like that. But then again, it was- it was not your fault. This- all of this is not your doing. I should've been more careful on that road. Would've been better if I had cut back on the melodrama, huh? Haha..."

You lick your lips and resume, owning the patters your tears have soiled on the tiled floor.

Hearts are never broken

"I'm sorry if I had to hide it all from you, " you build it up slowly, tears tenacious to leave your eyes, "it's just that I was afraid you'd soon forget me once you've married and I wouldn't be part of your life anymore. To make matters worse, I have always loved you, Ben. On every level and aspect, I still do. Sticking around to see you spend the rest of your life with someone else when that feeling is still present is just toxic. And to think you're supposed to be wedded tomorrow, "you sniffle, taking a few seconds to form your following words, "that's why it would be easier if we- if we...oh god, I'm actually much more of an actor than you are..." You want to chuckle for it, but nothing resembling a chuckle mopes out of your mouth. Just...short breaths.

Time is forever frozen-

"But I truly am happy for you. I really am. But I can't be happy myself when you've taken a huge portion of my heart and I'm just...I just want to make sure nothing will ever ruin your happiness," You close the distance between you and the bed, your hot tears dripping on his arm sling, the cloth absorbing it. You're really taking advantage of his inability to respond.

"I'm s-sorry, Ben. I don't know how long I can stay by your side like this. Literally like this. But as long as I am able, " you lower your head onto his chest, now shamelessly sobbing like you haven't broken down in centuries, squeezing his free but chilly hand like it's the only thing that'll give you warmth tonight, "I'm sorry if I'm going somewhere."

And still

Despite promising to give you a moment alone with him, Joe -having recurring, inquisitive tendencies- has acted as opposed to his promise and  eavesdropped on your unrequited talk due to having to wait too long, not realizing that after hearing all your words exit in sobs, you've fallen asleep with your head on Ben's chest.

Joe glances around the hall before budging the door open, careful not to disturb you as he sees you out cold next to him. He presses his lips into a hard line and chuckles quietly, amused as he grabs an available sheet from the couch and drapes it over you. The moment he notices a tear droplet stuck in the corner of your eye, he wipes it away with his thumb, sighing profoundly.

"Rosy's gonna flip when she gets back and sees this. So, " Joe, mumbling on his own, tumbles back down onto the couch and kicks back, "I'll be here just in case."

20 hours

So you can keep me

A nurse opens the door with a tray and clipboard in hand to conduct an hourly assessment of his condition, not minding your head placement on his chest. He's still unresponsive to anything external.

I**nside the pocket of your ripped jeans **

As the test ends and the nurse closes the door on her way out, his finger twitches.

30 hours

Holding me closer til our eyes meet

Joe wakes you up softly with a bowl of soup in hand– something he bought from the cafeteria upstairs. You lift your heavy head from its recent spot and blink your bleary eyes at him, giving away a wry smile and telling him you'll eat later on.

You won't ever be alone

"By they way, this slipped from your pocket." He slips something off the table and hands it to you with a knowing look, that something being the dual polaroids you've taped together the other night. You take it from him deliberately and turn your head to Ben, before staring down at the joint pictures, nostalgia ever so sudden like a whiplash.

Wait for me to come home

35 hours

Loving can heal

Rami and Lucy have stopped by to visit and take your 'shifts' considering Rosy is still absent and you and Joe had to return to the hotel to change. The attending physician and a nurse come in to replace his breathing tube with a nasal cannula, since the assessment done hours prior has shown that he's already capable of breathing on his own.

39 hours

Loving can mend your soul

"Funny how today is supposed to be his wedding but we're getting a funeral instead. " Morbidly comments one of Ben's visitors and closest friends. Every single person in the room who has come by to visit Ben shoots a death glare at him for making that joke within a two feet radius of Ben who is sure to give him a bop on the head the minute he gets up.

41 hours

And it's the only thing that I know

Meanwhile Rosy had spent the entire day rescheduling the wedding and the once volatile reactions she's had do a 360 and is brought down to one, constant look as she bumps into you on your way to Ben's room.

42 hours

I swear it will get easier, remember that with every piece of you

You both don't say a word until you've settled down on the couch as she strays to Ben's side and wipes the glistening speckle of sweat on his cheek with her thumb, the silence coming to a close as you pry the words out of your mouth.

"Rosy, believe me. I have never harboured the thought of coming between you both. I'm only ever there for him as a friend."

And it's the only thing we take with us when we die

Giving you an impassive eye, she ignores your words entirely and turns her attention back to her fiance.

45 hours

We keep this love in a photograph

You don't leave the room with the hours progressing to the moment he's timed to wake up. A lot of people have paid him a visit, cracking jokes and talking to him notwithstanding the fact that he's utterly unresponsive. They've done all they can to lighten the mood in the room, hoping all their antics and bliss would lure Ben out of his induced insensibility. But he's nowhere near the edge.

We made these memories for ourselves

47 hours

With Rosy snuggled up against his side, Ben retains immobility and it's a sight you're not used to since he's one of the most fidgety arseholes who's ever graced your life. You know you'd be bombed by her if you do this with her close by, but you had given yourself exactly 48 hours to stay before heading back.

Where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken

And so you wander to the opposite side of the bed and peer at down your wristwatch for the time.

Time's forever frozen and still.

48 hours

"Ben?" You whimper close to his ear. He's not responding. You know he wouldn't wake up that quickly at the strike of the exact hour but you're impatient to say goodbye to him with his forest, green eyes on full display and wandering around your (Y/E/C) ones to bolster you up.

"Hey." You coax into his ear again, still no response. The racing beat of your heart has matched the beeps of the heart monitor. His heart beats. The similarity is sketchy but nearly symbolic. You're leaving in the morning and he's not up and lively for you to fervently crush in a parting embrace.

"Bud, please. I can't force you to wake up but I'm leaving tomorrow. You have to help me...here." At this point, though how eager you are to, you can't let some tears stream down from your eyes since the possibility of Rosy waking up to you catching sobs is feasible, but Ben's involuntary stillness is not helping you with that ordeal. Losing all hope for a night, you straighten up and collect your things from the couch, deciding to come back one last time tomorrow prior to your departure.

You quickly open the door to the attending physician who's about to step in to take physical tests but you whisk past him without taking a second look.

Easy to say you didn't have a good night sleep with all the stresses weighing down on you that night. Either you hyperventilated in your slumber or remained asleep but with tears seeping from your half-closed eyes.

You've sent Lucy a text in the early hours of the morning notifying her about your departure today. She hasn't responded yet.

"Just a 24-hour delay? Are they that heartless?" Leaning on the door frame of your hotel room with a bitten donut in his hand, Joe questions as he watches you prop your luggage against the open door. "I had to reschedule the flight thrice last month, this one being the latest. It's only reasonable," You huff as a matter of fact, fixing the scarf that has dangled loose around your neck and staring into oblivion barely a second after going tight-lipped.

Finishing his donut, Joe pokes you out of your momentary trance. "You alright?"

You shake your head.

"I don't even know if he's awake now. It's past 48 hours and what if he-"

"There's only one way to find out," appeasing your elevating worry, he grabs you by the shoulders and looks you square in the eye, silently guaranteeing you of his recovery.

Since he'll be driving you to the airport, your things are neatly stored in the confines of the backseat but of course, you have to see Ben one last time, setting aside all the excruciating anticipation.

You scurry into the entrance with Joe by your side, out of breaths by the time you arrive at the door of Ben's room. Taking precautionary measures, you knock firmly on the surface expecting someone or Rosy to answer. But nada. You swap some looks with Joe and twist the knob gently, finding the room free of visitors and medical staff. Perhaps they've assessed him an hour prior.

"No one's around."

As you begin slipping a foot through the ajar door, Joe puts a hand on your shoulder, stopping you mid-step.

"Lucy's on her way."

His update on her reply makes you smile and you continue into the room, seeing the curtains that had blocked the sunlight for two days cast aside, spilling some sunlight into the room.

You take small, wobbly steps along the floor, unable to accept that until now he hasn't fluttered open those orbs you loved staring into so much. You suddenly fear that a complication has risen and is causing his extended unconsciousness but that must be the least of your worries.

So you can keep me, inside the pocket of your ripped jeans

He has to hear you. He has to. He has to.

He's gone really pasty. Dark circles under his eyes despite being asleep for two days. He has grown a scruff and looks painfully unruly, but still a face of an angel. You crouch and take his free hand in yours– careful not to disconnect the IV tube from his wrist, caressing it and drawing in a sharp inhale to free yourself of any doubt to speak up. "Ben. It's Y/N. You're scaring us, you know. The doctor said you'd wake up earlier but why? Why haven't you? What are you doing in there?"

This being the end of the long haul for you, you're not forcing anything at bay anymore– not your tears, not your peeves and certainly not your feelings. You interlace your fingers around his and kiss the back of his hand, your cheeks growing scarlet and wet with tears.

Holding me closer til our eyes meet, you won't ever be alone.

You get up from crouching and throw your arm around him in defiance of the possibility of applying a lot of pressure on his chest. It feels so different holding him that way. For the time you have left, an overly emotional, one-sided conversation should make up for the lost times that would've been great for those.

And if you hurt me, that's okay baby only words bleed

"You really kept that Homecoming picture, didn't you? Coincidentally I did too, just forgot it was there as well. But I pieced it back, by the way. Ironic that we both made a promise on those polaroids the night before graduation. I-I have it with me here, just so you know. Just thought I'd bring it out since...I'll be going soon." You pull the pictures out from the pocket of your coat with trembling hands, eager to wave them in front of him. Once out, you place it on the bedside table for him to keep once more but with your share of the picture.

Inside these pages you just hold me, and I won't ever let you go

You lay your forehead on his, your tears dripping onto his closed lids as you sob his name to get him to wake, at the same time feeling his soft exhales brush against your chin. " I told you I'd be strong and I'm trying to be. I know it sounds like a selfish thing to do but you have to trust me on this one. I want to move on, Ben. You're bound to be wedded soon and have a family of your own. I want to be there for that. I want to be that aunt who'll spoil your kids and make them fight you for the craziest demands. Those things I'd gladly do...if I wasn't this hopeless for you," Little by little, your voice comes out as broken whisper– losing your strength to add any more things to say in the process. On the other side of the door, Joe is finally joined by Lucy who has arrived not a minute late and they can't help but tear up a little at how uncontrolled your crying is slowly turning out, it's become audible enough to be heard from outside.

"Ben, buddy. Come on." He huffs against the hardwood as he and Lucy are tempted to barge in.

Burying your face into the exposed column of his neck with your arm slackening from being draped across his chest, you utter a voiceless but heartfelt statement.

Wait for me to come home

"I love you, Benjamin Jones. Be happy for me."

Your words hang thinly in the fragile air as you pull away from that proximity and leave a long kiss on his forehead, walking back sadly to the door with your hand outstretched ready to grab ahold of the knob.

"H-how could I be..."

The words released sound like a mere memory resonating in your head but you are proved wrong once you turn around.

[djgamek1ng]

Shadowbringers Tank Thoughts! [FFXIV]

Well, with patch 5.2 out with a singular change to any of the tanks (WAR’s shield on Shake it Off went up to 12% of Maximum HP to 15% of Maximum HP at base), it is as good a time as any to make this post. I’ll go over all 4 tanks and describe how I’m feeling about them, maybe with some initial impressions mixed in there as well. Let’s start with the ARR jobs and work towards the ShB tank with GNB. First up, the angriest job: WAR!

Warrior (WAR):

FELL CLEAVE! FELL CLEAVE! FELL CLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE! The one button that changed tanking forever. Seriously, every tanking job has their Fell Cleave button. For PLD it is Holy Spirit, for DRK it is Bloodspiller and for GNB it is Burst Strike. So, what did WAR get with Shadowbringers? Not too much, but what it got was quite nice.

It got a combo skill from Overpower called Mythril Tempest and unlike Overpower it is a circle around you instead of a cone ahead of you, more on that later

Mythril Tempest also extends the Storm’s Eye buff and it gives 20 Beast Gauge

It got Nascent Flash, which is a buff you put on someone and for 6 seconds (roughly 3 GCDs if done well) you give them 10% mitigation and heal them based on the damage you do. You also get healed for 200% of the same amount you heal them (or they get healed for 50% of the same amount you heal yourself)

It also got Chaotic Cyclone and Inner Chaos, essentially roided up versions of Decimate and Fell Cleave that always direct crit and they look like Steel Cyclone and Inner Beast

So WAR didn’t change much from SB to ShB and honestly, there is nothing wrong with that. Do I wish it got a few more things to play around with? Absolutely. Do I think WAR is in a bad spot? Hell no. It is amazing on the self mitigation side and its damage, while definitely lower than GNB/PLD and while arguably (depends on what level you are preforming) DRK, is still quite good. Overal, if I had to give an arbitrary number to rate WAR with, I’d give WAR a solid 8/10. Also, as a quick aside, it feels weird to have a cone AoE combo into a player based circle AoE. I’d personally like it if WAR got 2 cone AoEs, though they would’ve had to extend the range of each a bit (around 10 yalms instead of the current 8).

Paladin (PLD): HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT IS FINALLY TIME THAT WE’VE BEEN LEGITIMATELY BETTER THAN WAR FOR A COUPLE OF PATCHES! MWAHAHAH- ahem I mean... the shield of the party is up next. PLD, with it being my main in the short while I played HW and the entirety of SB (I’ll get to ShB main at the end), definitely has a soft spot in my heart. But what did PLD actually get?

Well, it got a combo skill from Total Eclipse called Prominence. Prominence also gives MP back when used (only in the combo)

It got an AoE version of Holy Spirit called Holy Circle

It got a gap closer called Intervene, which has 2 charges

It got a system called Sword Oath, which gives you a use of a skill called Atonement. At the moment, the only way to get Sword Oath stacks is to do a full Royal Authority combo and you get 3 stacks of it. Each Atonement hits as hard as the final part of a RA combo (so the actual RA attack)

It also got a fix 2 years in the making in the form of the Enhanced Requiescat passive: when you are under the Requiescat buff, your spell casts are instant. THANK THE LORD!

And last, but certainly not least, it got Confiteor which is an AoE finisher to your Requiescat window

So... let’s talk about PLD. I listed everything that it got from Stormblood to Shadowbringers. While all of this is great, especially the Enhanced Requiescat passive, it also lost pretty heavily. Its personal mitigation feels kind of crappy. Sheltron is great, but unlike the other short cooldown tank cooldowns, it is tied to the Oath Gauge... something that is still tied to auto attacks. Even if it wasn’t tied to auto attacks, the only benefit that it has is that you can use 2 Sheltrons back to back and then you are stuck trying to get it back. Doesn’t help that blocking’s power has been nerfed into the ground, with the highest blocking power still mitigating only 20%. “Only 20%? That’s still a lot!” Yeah, but it just doesn’t feel great. Also, I don’t know who made this decision but I just wanna talk: WHO RENAMED SHIELD OATH TO IRON WILL? I JUST WANNA TALK I PROMISE *prepares to Fell Cleave whoever made that decision*

Anyway, lame jokes aside, overal I’d give PLD around an 9/10 as well with a small note: in its highest highs it is a solid 9.5/10, sometimes even going to a 10/10. In its lowest lows, it is still a 7/10.

Dark Knight (DRK): THE EDGE IS CALLING TONIGHT! DRK is back with a vengeance after what happened to it in SB. The black sheep no more, DRK took a page out of WAR’s book and decided that Delirium needed to be diet Inner Release. So, for the changes/additions to DRKs kit (warning: there is a lot):

firstly, it got Edge of Darkness/Shadow. It is an oGCD single target attack that gives the DRK 30 seconds of Darkside

Darkside is now a buff activated by Edge of Darkness/Shadow and Flood of Darkness/Shadow (which I’ll get to next) that increases the DRKs damage by 10%. It also doesn’t halt MP regeneration anymore, so that’s neat

Flood of Darkness/Shadow is a line AoE oGCD skill that gives the DRK 30 seconds of Darkside

Abyssal Drain is an oGCD skill now that heals the DRK a bit per enemy hit, so the more enemies hit the bigger the heal

Delirium is now a 10 second window where Bloodspiller and Quietus don’t cost any resource. Sound familiar? Yeah, it is basically WAR’s Inner Release

They also get a combo move off Unleash called Stalwart Soul, which gives 20 Blood Gauge and some MP back when combo-ed

Next they get Dark Missionary, an AoE buff that makes the DRK and everyone one arounds the DRK take 10% less magic damage

Last, but certainly not least, they get the coolest skill in the game: Living Shadow. The summon a dark shadow in the shape of our all to familiar DRK quest giver from levels 30 to 50, Fray. It does 7 attacks across the span of 20ish seconds, but a mix of AoE and single target attacks

Also Plunge gets 2 charges, matching it to PLD’s Intervene

Plus, Blood Weapon now no longer increases attack speed (or well, it decreased the GCD so you were attacking quicker)

HOT DAMN DRK! You got a lot of good stuff and I’d probably say that DRK had the biggest upswing out of all the tanks from Stormblood to Shadowbringers. Makes sense since DRK is the poster boy of this expansion. So if I had to rate DRK, I’d say a 8.5/10. The only thing I think is halting DRK is that it doesn’t get Stalwart Soul until 72 and that the Blackest Night is still its level 70 capstone, making synced stuff be kind of painful from time to time. Not as bad as PLD though, which in my opinion might as well be unplayable from levels 68 to 78 because of Requiescat not giving the instant casts yet :(

Gunbreaker (GNB): KABOOM! Squall Leonhart has arrived in XIV and he has come in the form of a tanking job. Funny, both of the popular FF mainline protagonists, Cloud and Squall, are referenced in tanking jobs. Squall more so in GNB than Cloud in DRK, but still. Oh boy, let’s start this. This is gonna be a while and I’ll do it in bullet points since this is an entirely new job instead of changes to an existing job:

GNB has its Solid Barrel combo, which gives a small heal and small shield equal to the heal on the 2nd hit of the combo and it gives 1 cartridge to the GNB on the last hit

Cartridges are used to power 3 abilities: Burst Strike, their version of Fell Cleave, Fated Circle (can you tell this job is inspired by Squall yet), their version of Decimate/Steel Cyclone, and their Gnashing Fang combo

The Gnashing Fang combo is a high powered combo of skills that is on a 30ish seconds cooldown (it goes lower with skill speed). You can use another skill, called Continuation, in between each of the hits of the combo. They are oGCDs that add more damage to the combo

No Mercy is their damage buff. For 20 seconds you get 20% more damage. Simple enough!

Demon Slice is their AoE combo starter, with Demon Slaughter being the skill that combos from it. It also gives a cartridge when properly combo-ed!

Danger Zone is an oGCD that does ST damage. Eventually it gets upgraded into Blasting Zone (CAN YOU TELL THAT THIS JOB IS INSPIRED BY SQUALL) and does more damage

Camouflage is a oGCD skill that gives the GNB 10% mitigation and increases your parry change by 50%

Bow Shock is similar to Circle of Scorn, an oGCD that does AoE damage and gives AoE a damage over time effect

Aurora is a heal over time skill that the GNB can use on themselves or a party member. Has the same eventual potency as Equilibrium from WAR

Superbolide is their invuln skill... with a twist. It gives the GNB 8 seconds of total invulnerability... but puts their HP to 1 first

Sonic Break is a GCD skill that applies a damage over time effect on a 60ish second recast (goes down with skill speed)

Rough Divide is their gap closer and it has 2 charges

Heart of Light is Dark Missionary. Exact same skill

Heart of Stone is an oGCD skill that gives the GNB or one of their party members 15% mitigation. It is on a very short cooldown

Last but not least, it gets Bloodfest (its animation is Squall’s Draw animation from FF8. So again, CAN YOU TELL THAT THIS JOB IS INSPIRED BY SQUALL). Bloodfest gives the GNB 2 cartridges

That... that was a lot, but that was expected since I was describing a completely new job. The next time a tank releases, if it does, I’ll have to do this again... oh boy. Anyway, Squa- I mean GNB is a very interesting tanking job. It has kind of taking DRK’s spot as the fastest tank. Makes sense, since a Gunblade is not nearly as big and heavy as a Greatsword. In reality, GNB is a very fast and fun tank. It is arguably the best designed tank at the moment, though I think something can be said of PLD (though that is strictly speaking on the offense side). Overal, I’d give GNB a 9/10 rating. “WHAT?! AS HIGH AS PLD?!” Ye. It is a really good and fun tank!

Overal: So, in the end, what do we have? Well, the short of it, we got 4 very fun tanks for their own reasons. Even the meh-est of the tanks, WAR, is in my opinion still quite fun to play. So I said I was going to talk about what my main is. Well... I’m still trying the tanks and see what I like the most, but I do still consider myself a PLD main. Kind of doesn’t help that Square gave me almost everything I needed to keep maining PLD. A gap closer, instant cast spells (only during Requiescat but still), a way to reduce the monotony of the 1-2-3 combos, a finisher on the Requiescat window. I’m... in love once more.

The only thing I don’t like about PLD at the moment is how it very much lost its impenetrable wall fantasy. Blocking is now only 20%, still hasn’t scaled and at this point I doubt it will. Sentinel is now the same as Shadow Wall, Vengeance and Nebula: 2 minutes cooldown and 30% mitigation. It feels very weird that the shield tank has the least personal mitigation out of the tanks, plus its utility abilities are... weird. Divine Veil needs to be proc’d via a healing spell and Passage of Arms needs to be actually aimed and either be done somewhat last second or be held, which then makes it a damage loss. Every other tank’s utilities are instantly applied. Also an issue is that the Oath Gauge still doesn’t have a reason to freaking exist. You don’t use it often enough and for enough skills to have it visible. The only reason why I still have it is because it feels weird to not have a job gauge on my HUD for only PLD. I can go on about this stuff for a while, but I still love PLD. I’ll go over a “things I want to see changed for the tanks in the next expansion” thing later. PLD will definitely be the biggest section of that. Anyway, these were my tank impressions for Shadowbringers. Overal, very good expansion for tanking c:

[shellheadtm-a]

@involuntaryspy​ | you know what i want i want gushing over tony/bucky

okay, god, fine.  real talk, y’all, this is a ship i didn’t really think about, until i read the 2018 winter soldier run.  and then i couldn’t take the goggles off and now we’re here, i guess.  after having my eyes opened, there’s a lot of stuff - a lot of it - that points to it being a Thing That Could Happen or at least has enough canon basis (in 616 - do not get me started on how fucking badly the mcu bungled tony and bucky and what they are to each other in prime continuity because i’m still mad and i’ll stay mad and there’s literally nothing at all you can do about it) to point to it being a valid possible path to follow.

okay.

like all true possible love stories, this one starts off with one trying to kill the other.  in this case, it was just post-steve’s assassination.  bucky catches the funeral on the news.  and makes up his mind the one thing he can do for steve is kill tony stark.  and he tries to.  this very human, very squishy lump of dumb boy with a metal arm took one look at the guy in the high tech, cutting edge suit he could control with his brain, and said, “i can take him.”  and that ended with bucky sitting in tony’s office, reading the letter steve left tony, and tony offering bucky the shield, being ready to go to get rid of bucky’s triggers, and agreeing to let bucky do things his own way.

he even helped design the suit bucky wore.

but it doesn’t end there.  bucky was cap for a while, you know, it wasn’t just a hot minute.  they were on a team together.  they fought together.  they went to a possible future together, and during that time, in a lot of ways, bucky was one of the few who talked to tony.  and i don’t mean in an official avengers capacity, he’s one of the few that - because let’s not forget, bucky is very good at what he does - is observant to notice things.  tony’s little distress tells,  to ask if tony’s alright.  to show some actual concern and mean it.  during bucky’s trial, tony was just as much a part of his defense process as steve was - he’d gotten rid of the files shield had on bucky (and wiping his brain guaranteed they were gone for good).  he offered support.  he’s the one who modified bucky’s arm so he could keep it, because i can guarantee you he knew how important that would be to bucky.  he’s mentioned as a possible visitor in the gulag bucky’s thrown in.  when tony wiped his brain, left it up to his friends to decide if they were going to bring him back - if they wanted to bring him back, after everything he’d done - bucky’s quick to say yes, like there just isn’t another possibility.  we don’t see a lot of them interacting before that, not really, though there are lots of mentions, but if you flash forward to ws2018, we see a tony and a bucky who are casual, comfortable friends.  who apparently are close enough that bucky feels comfortable with tony knowing where he lives.  who are close enough that bucky will call him in the middle of the night for an evac and tony will drop everything to give it to him.  who are close enough that even when bucky (gently, i’ll add) turns down tony’s unspoken offer of a new/backup arm, tony puts one together anyway - he’s probably had plans for upgrades for bucky for ages to be honest, giving things like that to people is how tony shows he cares - and leaves it with him.

and the fireworks date.  listen, there’s a lot to be said about that one little snippet of dialogue, okay.  a lot.  sharon knows what bucky’s doing it’s written all over her and she is 1000% done with bucky barnes.  tony’s in a zone, you could ask him anything while he’s working like thta because his mouth functions on autopilot and he won’t remember hardly any of the conversation once he comes back to earth.  more importantly:  it’s confirmed by the writer himself that yeah, they went.  they sure did.  that was definitely a thing that happened, but i don’t think tony realized it for what it was, for one.  which means that overall, bucky got the real tony, not the one trying to impress.  real tony is...if you know him, you hold him close.  generous to a fault, a little dorky, wears his heart on his sleeve, gets excited about the stupidest things, is fairly unself conscious about all of it, is just...one of those people that lights up a room, really.  and more importantly things aren’t awkward between them after that.  i’m pretty sure they actually had a pretty great night.

so you know.  they’ve come a long way from bucky shoving a gun in tony’s face and tony holding bucky’s head between his palm repulsors, is what i’m saying.  but is it enough?  is it enough to establish a ship? 

bucky and tony have a lot of similarities, first and foremost.  they’ve both been steve’s foil, they know what that’s like.  they’ve both been the guy who will do the dirty work, get their hands bloody, be the bad cop, so that steve can stay untouched by the worst of things.  they’re two people who have actively worked to keep steve on his pedestal as a beacon of good.  and they now how it weighs on you, and how heavy steve’s disappointment - when they don’t do things the steve rogers way - can feel.  theirs is a small brotherhood, that really...in a way doesn’t include anyone else in the intimate way they know what it feels like.  they know what it’s like to orbit steve and think you’re broken.  to look at steve and look at yourself and find yourself lacking.  to be overwhelmed by steve.  but if this was it, i’d let it go, not really healthy ship material, you know.

in a lot of ways they mirror each other.  they both have a serious side, they’re both very good at what they do.  their spheres of interest overlap a lot, professionally, just in different capacities.  they both have great senses of humor, make the same kinds of jokes - some of which have a self-depreciating edge.  they’re both genuinely, in many ways, soft people, despite what they’ve been through.  cautious, but soft.  hell they even have the same taste in women (looks pointedly at nat).  they’ve also both clawed their way back up from the very bottom and made a comeback where they’re better than ever, if you really wanna look at it that way.  tony fell into a bottle.  tony sold his soul.  and now he’s managed to be better.  do better.  bucky ended up in a goddamn gulag.  bucky’s trying to do better for himself, he’s getting his shit straightened out.  he’s got a home.  a cat.  he’s making active, healthy steps to deal with shit.  and he’s making progress and isn’t ashamed of that.  that’s important, i think, to this whole ship, is that bucky is an example of admitting when you need help and seeking that help in a healthy way.  it’s good, i think, for tony to see that.  it might take a while for tony to get there himself, but he can see it.  he can see what it does for bucky.  and he can start the wheels turning in the back of his own mind for himself.

bucky’s been a support for tony, he knows tony, he’s seen tony at his lowest of lows, and still trusts him to know where he lives.  to work on his arm and know he’s not up to any funny business.  he understands doing what you have to do, even if it’s not the good thing to do, but for the right reasons.  and despite all this heavy shit, things between them are light.  like i still haven’t read invaders (shame on me) but the few pages i have (because i was there for tony) even bucky diverting tony from steve doesn’t have...any heat in it?  he still makes it a joke and i think...overall.  bucky understands that the best way to get tony out of one of those hit first ask questions and feel remorse later moods is to give him another target, something else to focus on.  like...it’s all so subtle, really, but in their overall interactions you can see just how well bucky understands tony.  that you don’t have to be a guy with three ph.ds to figure out how tony’s brain works on an emotional level.

there’s also no competitiveness between them.  tony’s supporting role in ws2018 is a nice change of pace, and while he grumbles and grouses that’s just tony being tony, because he doesn’t mean any of it.  it’s tony being playful, in a way.  he doesn’t mind taking the back seat role and dropping things to help when bucky really needs it, and i bet bucky can count on him every time, all the time, to do it.  bucky’s in tony’s circle of people he’d do anything in the world for, and it’s a thing you gotta do somewhat responsibly, because i mean literally anything.

also important, bucky’s a tinkerer, he does his own arm maintenance mostly, and he’s curious.  he asks questions.  he knows how to engage tony on a level they both get.  hi i just love bucky barnes a whole fucking lot.

but what i’m saying is, especially with regards to this particular ship (i can’t wait for tony to figure out he’s being surprise dragged to the altar it’s gonna be great) is that...they’re different people.  absolutely.  but they know each other.  they have this...unspoken understanding of each other.  and tony’s habit of nesting, and bucky being a soft touch just...pushed it right along as naturally as could be.  there was already a foundation of trust you only get when you know the worst about someone but still see them as being someone you can believe in anyway, and they have that by the bucket.  and like...all it took was a little push and here they are.  they’re gross and disgusting and sappy but tony’s happy and that’s what matters to me.  bucky’s his safe haven, and he’s ready and willing to drop everything and be bucky’s, when it’s needed.  they just kind of...fell into step next to each other and that was that, they haven’t dropped out of formation from that.  we get weekend domestic tony stark now who thinks about the middle of indiana as being home and has a killer commute that i can promise you he makes at even the slightest hint he can and.

i love them.

insert tony ship get thoughts | accepting

[crystalelemental]

Time to break from Heroes salt to bring back Pokesalt.  Thoughts on some of the leaks below the cut.  If you need to block, “Pokemon sword and shield spoilers” and “Pokesalt.”

I’ll try to follow a logical order, no promises.  Cinderace.  I’m sure to absolutely no one’s surprise, I’m pissed it’s standing upright and is wearing sport shorts.  We all knew it would be sports themed as soon as they brought up the godawful stadiums where battles happen, so...can’t say I’m surprised.  Really not happy about it.

There’s a fire centipede that looks kinda cool?  I actually really like the design.  It kinda reminds me of those enemies in Wind Waker.  Love that game.  Anyway, it gets a Gigantamax form, so I guess makes it the first boss from Wind Waker.  Okay, yeah, I love this thing.

There’s one INCREDIBLY blurry picture that the twitter account joked must’ve been taken when Nintendo broke into their house to silence them.  Fair.  I have no idea what it’s supposed to be.  Kinda looks like an end-game Atelier demon-type boss.  I dunno, not feeling it.

There’s something called Hatterene, which...if I could tell what was going on with its lower body, I would love it.  It’s just kinda confusing looking.  It also gets a Gigantamax form that looks great, but I now have a complaint.  Why Gigantamax and not just a new evolution?  A lot of these single-stage Pokemon are getting Gigantamax forms, but...Gigantamax is a temporary thing.  It likely won’t exist past this generation.  So these single-stage Pokemon are kinda placed in an awkward position.  Typically, single-stage Pokemon don’t have great stats, and ultimately aren’t very useful.  Giving them Gigantamax is a great application, but as an impermanent one, we’re basically damning all of them to uselessness.  I don’t like that.  I don’t like the idea that we’re knowingly setting all these Pokemon up to fail.

There’s uh...there’s another that’s too blurry to make out.  It kinda looks like a pterodactyl busting out of an egg that’s also filled with lava or some shit.  I have no idea.  There’s a lot of dinosaur going on this gen, if all the leaks are true.  It bothers me.  Not because dinosaurs aren’t cool, but because...well...Gen 1.  When talking about art direction, they’ve commented that Gen 1 had a more dinosaur-focused feel to things, and that they’ve shifted away from that.  A lot of discussion on art design for Gen 5 was specifically about how they felt they needed more cute Pokemon, and to even that balance out more.  This, uh...this is going backwards.  I’m gonna be real, the dinosaurs aren’t doing it for me.  I don’t necessarily hate them, but it’s not exactly drawing me in.

Lastly there’s this super coiled up snake thing called...Sandaconda?  Holy shit that’s amazing.  10/10.  I kinda like it?  I like snakes though, so this shouldn’t be a surprise.  I wonder if we’re finally going to get a snake Pokemon that isn’t part poison.  I’d really like that to be the case.  Bats got Swoobat, and spiders got Galvantula (because Gen 5 is best gen), but we don’t have a snake without a Poison typing.  We have serpent-like Pokemon, with Serperior and Milotic.  But maybe it’s just me, I don’t think they count.

Then there’s Gigantamax forms for pre-existing Pokemon.  Machamp got one, which, frankly, is super deserved.  It got passed up hard on Mega Evolutions, and didn’t get a regional variant like Golem (not that Golem won any prizes with that).  There’s also Kingler and Lapras, which...hey, anyone else noticing that a lot of these are Gen 1?  Again?  There’s supposedly one for Rolycoly and  Garbodor.  Which...damn, Garbodor.  Never thought I’d see the day it got some attention, but really glad if that’s true.  Still, the vast majority of these upgraded forms are Gen 1.  Already.  Again.  I swear, ONE generation where you get that dick out of your mouths, please.

Anyway, slight improvements over yesterday.  Yesterday, the only thing I had to praise was the fox.  At least now there are a few designs I really like.  I’m pissed to know so many Gigantamax forms are for Gen 1 Pokemon and single-stage Pokemon in the current gen.  But I shouldn’t be surprised at all.  Also, like...Cinderace?  Is that the middle or final form?  Because we’re missing one of those two, and I don’t know which.  I’m hoping it’s only the middle form, because it’s mono-Fire, and that would suck.  I guess my point here is, there’s still a chance for Cinderace to evolve into something that doesn’t suck.  As it stands...god, as much as I’m weirded out by design elements, Sobble’s winning.  Grookey’s evolutions are probably the most consistent and not bizarre of the bunch, I just...look, I have a monkey bias.  I don’t like them.  It’s why I never run Infernape; I just don’t like them.  So I can’t.  Sobble would likely still be my pick, even knowing that its final form has clawed feet and eerily large human hands attached to its stick-like arms.  Unless Scorbunny’s final form can salvage it.  But hey, good news!  At the rate we’re going, Gen 5′s starters will no longer be my least-favorite bunch!

[lady-divine-writes]

ACITW AU -Here’s what the fuck is left

I’ve had it with this fic. And I’ve had it with this fandom. I really have. Why I continue to write for it, I don’t know. The fact that I’ve been insulted up the ying yang, called names, dirt, threatened, and otherwise intimidated (tried) by you all doesn’t seem to matter. The fact that what I have written so far has more words than the original doesn’t matter. The fact that when I started this, I was going so far as to email chapters to people individually per request, drop them in inboxes on tumblr didn’t matter. Those chapters still went un reviewed, uncommented on. There have been many lovely people who have supported me, but the majority have been real rats. You don’t support my other work. You couldn’t care less. All that matters is ACITW AU. You want to talk about me, and my effort, as if I’m some lout who doesn’t want to fulfill her promises because y’all are sucking your thumbs singing, “A drop in the ocean ... a change in the weather ... “ Here you go. I’m putting up what I have, unfinished, chapter by chapter. Why? Because I’m an old lady with health issues and I COULDN’T CARE LESS! Most of y’all didn’t like my version anyway. So here’s the end of it. Have fun!

“Who in the world needs three trousseaus?” Sebastian moans, trudging behind his boyfriend and his sister through, what Olivia obnoxiously referred to as “the hallowed halls of Carolina Premium Outlets”. Kurt was surprised that a woman with the financial means of Olivia Smythe would opt to shop at an outlet mall instead of all the other upscale clothing stores within a hundred mile radius, but it also made him adore her even more.

“I do,” Olivia says, grabbing Kurt’s hand and bolting towards Talbots, as if trying to outrun her brother’s cynicism and sour attitude. “Now, hurry up! We’ve got seven more stores to hit.

“Why bother?” Sebastian grabs for Kurt’s other hand, frowning when his hand closes around air. “I think you’ve bought every white outfit in this place.”

“Hmph. You can never have too much white,” Olivia tosses over her shoulder, smirking when she notices her brother’s ineffectual attempts at retrieving his boyfriend.

“Should you even be wearing white at this wedding?” Sebastian retaliates. “I mean, isn’t white reserved for the virtuous?”

Olivia and Kurt stop speed-walking. Olivia gasps, and Kurt wraps an arm around her, carefully shielding her ears with his hands.

“That’s a low blow,” he says.

“Yeah. And besides, if I was worried about a higher power sending lightning down to smote the impure, I wouldn’t have invited you or Julian. Between the two of you, you could set the entire place on fire.”

Kurt feels guilty spending money, but since he has this new plan to put into action, he breaks down and buys a shirt or two.

“You know, you should just go crazy,” Sebastian says. “It’s all good. I’ll pick up the tab.”

“I don’t want you spending money on me.”

“Why not? I have it to spend.” Sebastian playfully bumps Kurt’s hip. “What’s a couple thousand between boyfriends? Besides, I like the idea of spoiling you.” He leans down close to Kurt’s ear and whispers, “If you want, I can take it out of what I owe you.”

Those words, in contrast to the heat of Sebastian’s breath, make Kurt’s skin cold. It’s just a joke. Sebastian is teasing. And Kurt should be happy that he feels free to tease him about this. Things are slowly coming out in the open, people are finding out about their ruse, and they don’t care, because in the end, the two of them fell in love.

It may not mean anything to Sebastian. It shouldn’t mean anything to Kurt. So why does it?

Kurt sees pic text from his dad; can’t open pic for some reason

“Oh, can I see those pictures now?” Olivia asks, looking over Kurt’s shoulder. “From the hot air balloon ride you guys took?”

“Oh, yeah,” Kurt says, slightly distracted by this new issue with his phone. “Let me just …”

“What’s going on there, babe? Forgot how to use your phone? I mean, you haven’t really been using it the past week. I can see how you might have forgotten.”

“It’s not that,” Kurt says, not even surprised anymore by how easy it is to simply bypass Sebastian’s humor and see the real message inside. “This has happened to me a few times before. It won’t let me access my photo gallery.”

“I should really upgrade your phone,” Sebastian says offhandedly.

“My phone’s fine, Bas,” Kurt says, more annoyed at his phone than he is at his boyfriend.

“Well, I don’t want your wack ass service to go out when I need to get a hold of you. What if we’re sexting and your phone drops the signal?”

“It’s not the service,” Kurt grumbles, then gives up, accessing Facebook for the photos instead. “It’s the phone.”

“Ergo why I should upgrade it.”

“Grr,” Kurt groans, not bothering to glare at Sebastian since he realizes he just made his point for him. Yes, it would be nice to have a new phone. This one’s been giving him grief for a while. But, it still works, and it’s decent. Why toss something away just because it’s temperamental and frustrating? By that logic, he should break up with Sebastian. He laughs out loud when that conclusion pops in his head.

“Okay,” Kurt says with satisfaction as his Facebook page pops on to the screen, “here’s the one at holy shit!”

“Holy shit?” Olivia repeats.

“I don’t remember us going there,” Sebastian says, crowding, along with Olivia, around Kurt, and looking at his phone. The first photo that comes up is the exact photo that Kurt wanted – the two of them kissing in the basket of that hot air balloon, with the caption he wrote Love Defies Gravity. That’s not the issue. The issue is:

“Seen by … 1,452 people!?”

Even Sebastian gasps when Kurt reads it, and the four of them stop walking.

“That’s … a lot of people,” Brian comments.

It’s not just the seen by list that makes Kurt’s jaw drop, but the comments, only the first four displayed, but when he clicks the View more comments hyperlink, they shoot down his screen.

Kurt scans the list of names quickly, noting that pretty much every member of the New Directions has not only seen the pictures, but has had something positive to say, and that makes Kurt giddy with happiness and relief. Not that their disapproval would have had any influence over whether Kurt stayed with Sebastian or not. He doesn’t need a single one of his friends to approve of what they have to know that it’s what he wants. It’s just nice to know that his friends are happy for him regardless…even Rachel Berry, who has left him a string of heart emojis and the almost impossible to believe comment – I’m so sorry. About everything. Call me soon. I want to talk about this.

Kurt doesn’t read each name one by one, so he doesn’t see one name in particular at the way bottom.

One of the first people to see the photograph, even though they didn’t leave a comment.

They couldn’t bring themselves to.

And had Kurt looked at all of the other photographs that he’s uploaded while he’s been at the beach house – the ones he took of the ocean view from Sebastian’s room, the selfie he took with Sebastian on the porch swing, and the one he took of Sebastian asleep in bed – he would have seen that one person had already seen each and every one of them.

Blaine Anderson.

Converses with Rachel (who apologizes)

Finds out about how Seb knew about the coffee (from Mercedes) and the single ladies video (from Brittany)

Kurt wonders if Sebastian knows, the way he seems to know about everything, that forehead kisses are one of Kurt’s hidden weaknesses? Blaine could never quite pull it off the way Sebastian does. Kurt would always have to tilt his head a bit for Blaine to reach. But Sebastian doesn’t, and that little item makes a world of difference.

 Several times on the car ride home, Kurt tries to download the message. He waits while an icon circles around, around, around, but all he gets back is the error message, “File not available for download.”

“Shoot! But why aren’t you available for download?” Kurt asks.

The phone doesn’t answer, but Sebastian does.

“Because I’m a shit phone, Kurt. Let your sexy boyfriend upgrade me.”

“Shut it, Smythe,” Kurt says and raises the volume on the radio.

 Kurt decides to do a hard reboot.

To Kurt:

Call me as soon as you can. We really need to talk.

Along with that ominous message his father sent a picture – a photo of an envelope, the return address, NYADA, specifically the financial aid department. And across the bottom of the envelope, where Kurt has gotten used to seeing the words AMOUNT DUE are stamped the words FINAL NOTICE.

Kurt swallows hard. No, he thinks. Not now. Not when I’m here, in this sanctuary, when nothing bad can touch me, still trying to sort things out. Not when I don’t have a clue how to fix this, where to even start.

But maybe that’s the rub. Maybe he was never meant to figure this problem out. Maybe his acceptance to NYADA was something he was meant to lose, like Blaine. Just another part of his life he arrogantly thought was a sure thing, something he didn’t bother worrying about once he’d gotten it, slipping through his fingers.

“Hey. You figured your phone out.”

“Yeah,” Kurt says, quickly closing the text. “I just turned it off and turned it back on again. Worked like a charm.”

Sebastian looks his boyfriend over, but most particularly his smile - two-dimensional, not doing its usual job of lighting his eyes - and starts to worry. “What did your dad have to say? Nothing bad, right? He’s not … he’s not sick or anything?”

“No. No, he’s fine. He just got home, I guess.” Kurt tries to stuff the phone in his pocket, but his numb fingers refuse to move.

“You know” – Sebastian sits beside Kurt, his eyes on the phone that Kurt tucks out of sight – “I never did ask you what you needed $10,000 for. I mean, did you pick that number out of the air at random? Or was that what you thought dating me was worth, because, if that’s the case, then frankly I think you sold one of us short.”

Kurt nods tersely but doesn’t answer. He can’t. He’s paralyzed. Now is definitely the time to own up to something, but what? To his old plan of needing the money to go to NYADA? Or this new plan of moving wherever Sebastian is going that he’s become recently attached to? He knows he’ll tell Sebastian both, but which one takes precedence? If emotion weren’t entering in to it at all, if he wasn’t still slightly confused about this relationship with Sebastian, than the answer would be NYADA, definitely. And even as that new plan, glimmering in his head, is tickling his lips to make its way out, he knows the answer is NYADA, no matter what, above all.

Sebastian puts an arm around Kurt’s shoulder and pulls him against him as he reclines. He pushes off the porch with his feet and starts the swing rocking its soothing rhythm.

“Originally I thought it was so you could buy yourself a new wardrobe,” Sebastian continues, hoping to get Kurt relaxed enough to spill, “and I have to say, I was all for that. Hell, I was going to up it to $50,000 and just take you shopping myself. Make sure you got your money’s worth.” Sebastian waits for a comeback, a snide remark, anything. But when Kurt remains quiet, Sebastian kisses his head. “Talk to me, babe. Tell me what’s going on.”

Kurt sighs. He can’t put this off any longer. Putting it off, coming up with some excuse not to talk about it, would feel like lying, and he doesn’t want to lie to Sebastian.

“It’s for … it was for college. NYADA.” God, he isn’t prepared to admit this. Not yet. Even after the time he’s given himself, he’d never wanted to admit to any of this out loud. That was worse than not having the money, so he’d been doing everything in his power not to. “I had gotten some scholarships and some financial aid, but I was approved before my father was elected to Congress.” Kurt hears Sebastian sigh, and he knows he can fill in the rest, but Kurt feels like he has to keep going. “It never dawned on me to call and update them, but they found out on their own anyway. They readjusted my aid and, in the end, I came up short. Without that money, I … I can’t go to college.”

Sebastian sighs again, but instead of sounding frustrated, this sigh sounds hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it doesn’t matter, Sebastian. I can’t take that money now. Not after …”

“Stop, Kurt,” Sebastian says, reaching for his wallet. “Just … just stop.” He pulls out a piece of paper, folded once, and hands it to Kurt. At first, Kurt has no idea what it could be, though he has a nagging suspicion. But that suspicion can’t be correct! It would be ludicrous if it were.

But since ludicrous seems like par for the course this summer, it’s exactly what Kurt thinks it is – a cashier’s check for $10,000, made out to Kurt Hummel, dated the day after Kurt agreed to their boyfriend arrangement. And even though Kurt is teetering on the brink of incredulity, he has to smirk at the comment Sebastian had the bank print in the memo line – For services rendered. Bow-chicka-bow-wow.

“You’ve … you’ve been carrying this around with you this whole time?”

“Well, yeah.” Sebastian shrugs. “Regardless of what you see on TV, you can’t just write a personal check for ten grand. And I had every intention of keeping up my end of the bargain so …”

“Thank you, but … but I … I can’t,” Kurt says, those words killing him, driving nails into his heart and twisting, as he stares at this check, made out for more than he needs and his name in the pay to the order of line. It’s the answer to all of his prayers, but for the sake of his conscience, he has to turn it down. Goddamned conscience! Fuck you! “That’s very generous of you, but …”

“We had a deal, Kurt,” Sebastian interrupts. “You more than held up your end. In fact, I would say you went above and beyond, considering.”

Kurt nods. Objectively, he has to agree, but the way Sebastian chose to phrase it makes him feel sick. Plus, and he doesn’t know why, he feels offended. He doesn’t know what he expected Sebastian to say about the matter. He’d prepared himself for Sebastian to give him the money. He’d prepared to refuse and for the two of them to fight over it. But instead of indignant, he feels insulted.

“Then … then what does that make us? What does that make this? Everything we’ve done so far?”

“It makes it what it is, Kurt,” Sebastian says, throwing an arm in the air. “I love you, and you love me. And this …” He gestures to the check in Kurt’s hands like it’s an annoying fly he’s shooing away. “This is ancient history. Tying up loose ends.” Kurt starts shaking his head. It’s a reflex to object. This doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that boyfriends did for one another. It’s too much.

Sebastian, facing down his obstinate boyfriend, groans. “Kurt! Are you really going to throw your dreams away, your entire future, for something as stupid as money?”

“Well, you can call money stupid,” Kurt argues, his hand holding the check shaking. “You have it, alright? But when you don’t have it, it’s not stupid! It’s actually kind of important!”

“You’re right,” Sebastian agrees. “You’re absolutely right. It is important. It’s important, and you need it. You need it to go to college. So why the fuck aren’t you taking it, Kurt? I’m fortunate. I happen to have more money than I can use, sitting around, doing nothing, so let me give you some …” Kurt scoffs and rolls his head away, and Sebastian amends his statement. “Or lend you some, or however you want to do this. Remember when I said that money doesn’t matter to me beyond enjoying all the things my wealth can buy me? Well, I would enjoy the opportunity to do this for you. Look, if you don’t take it, I’m just going to send it to fucking NYADA with your name plastered all over it, so you might as well stop being so fucking stubborn and do it your damn self! If you and I hadn’t gotten together for real, if we hadn’t fallen in love, you’d be taking this check, conscience clear, and on your way to New York. But we lucked out, Kurt. We got something better out of this in the end, and being able to call you mine is worth the world to me. But if it causes you to give up your dream, Kurt, then it’s a bad thing. I don’t want what we have to be a bad thing. I want it to be a good thing. I want it to grow and last, and that will only happen if you live out your life. If you follow your dream.”

Sebastian takes the check from Kurt’s fingers. He folds it, and slides it in Kurt’s pocket. Kurt doesn’t move to object. He can’t. What Sebastian says makes sense to him logically. It’s his pride that has a problem with it. This isn’t the end. Sebastian isn’t Blaine. He isn’t just going to let go of Kurt because they’re going to schools in separate states. Kurt is finally seeing an ending to all of this where he gets to have it all – the school of his dreams, the future he planned, and the boy he never planned on. This wouldn’t be a loan, he promises himself. He’ll pay back every single cent somehow, even if it takes him a lifetime.

“You’re going to NYADA, Kurt,” Sebastian says, kissing Kurt on the forehead between words, “one way or another. And there’s not a force anywhere on earth that’s going to keep me from making sure you get there.”

 ***

They go horseback riding.

Sebastian shows Kurt a secret overlook.

“You know, if I wasn’t here, seeing it for myself, I don’t think I would ever believe any of this about you.”

Sebastian looks like he’s about to get offended, then says, “I guess I didn’t really give you the chance to find out for yourself.”

 (Kurt starts thinking that Charlottes throwing him looks.)

“Sebastian says you have quite a fondness for this old swing. You know, before you, he’d never come out here. Ever. You would think he was afraid of heights or something the way he avoided it, and my son is definitely not afraid of heights.”

“How did you figure us out?”

“Because whether they like it or not, I know my children, and to be honest, because he’s my youngest, I probably know Sebastian most of all.”

“Kurt, I’ve walked in on my son mid-coitus more times than any mother should, and what I saw when I walking in on the two of you…that wasn’t my Sebastian. Not the one I had seen torturing himself with boys and men for years. The laughing, the smiling, that was different. It was honest – real. It’s what I’ve wanted for him for longer than I can tell you.”

“You raise your kids the best you can in the hopes that they can make the right decisions on their own. I may not agree with all of the decisions my children have made, but they’re their decisions to make. I can’t micromanage their lives. I have to trust them.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I think you guys did an amazing job.”

“Thank you, Kurt.”

 ***

 Kurt began to notice that those long conversations that Julian used to have with Cooper seemed to be less and less. He remembers that their relationship has always been a volatile one, but Julian seemed so happy when he first arrived. Kurt hoped that their flame hadn’t burned out so quickly.

“Hey, why don’t you take a picture? It lasts longer? In fact, I have a few I can just text you, if you want to take a peek…”

 “So, what are you guys doing later on? I mean, between the sex, and more sex.”

“Have they been having a lot of sex?” Olivia asks.

“As far as I can tell. I don’t know, I haven’t been watching.”

“Yeah, right.”

 “Here. I was gonna take Cooper, but he hasn’t called me yet. Anyway, no reason for them to go to waste.”

   “It’s great, except, this chic keeps elbowing me in the ribs, and she has really sharp elbows!”

Sebastian looks over their heads towards the stage. He must see someone because his eyes light up, and he waves. Then he nods, and takes Kurt’s hand.

“Come on. Maybe I can fix that.”

 “Hey, Viola.”

“Hey, Sebastian. Long time, no see.”

“Well, I’ve got a good reason. This is my boyfriend, Kurt.”

“Very nice,” she says, giving Sebastian an approving wink. “So, you guys through mixing with the rabble.”

“Absolutely.”

“Well, you guys are welcome to hang here for the rest of the concert. And here…” she reaches into her pocket and pulls out two stickers, taking the liberty of affixing one to each boys’ thigh before Kurt can complain about adhesive on his Gucci jeans. “These’ll get you back stage after.”

“Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

“Of course, you would know the manager of a big name band.”

“No, Julian does. I just know Julian…unfortunately.”

“And that’s apparently enough,” Kurt chuckles. “I would have thought you’d be just as famous. You know, your name and number written on bathroom walls from here to the space station.”

Sebastian’s expression changes – becomes tight, a little muddled, sort of like every default expression he has is scrolling by on his face, trying to land on an appropriate one. When he can’t seem to settle, he shoves his hands in his pockets and looks down at his shoes, still trying to choose.

Kurt doesn’t know why, but he feels like he needs to apologize. “I’m sorry. I…insulted you.”

“It’s not that,” Sebastian says, shaking his head with a look in his eyes like even he’s trying to make himself believe that that’s not what he feels. “It’s just…” Kurt watches Sebastian’s lips…lips that were kissing him not moments before, warm with just an underlying hint of beer, now trapped between words. “I’m not ashamed of who I am, and…I’m not going to apologize for who I was, but…I don’t want you to look at me and see the Whore of Babylon.”

Kurt wants to tell him that he doesn’t. It’s simply a fall back joke. The two of them have tons of them. It’s not even one of the crueler ones as far as Kurt is concerned. It’s never bothered Sebastian befo---

No. Actually, Kurt can’t say that. It bothered Sebastian when Julian calls him that.  

“Who do you want to be?”

Sebastian loops his arms around Kurt’s waist

“I want to be yours. Just…your man. Kurt Hummel’s boyfriend, and that’s all.”

“Just Kurt Hummel’s boyfriend?”

“Well, Kurt Hummel’s sexy ass boyfriend.”

“I’ll look into having a shirt printed up.”

 ***

“Okay, so that’s Ursa Major,” Sebastian says, pointing to a series of stars up and to the left above their heads. “And that’s Ursa Minor. And that over there, that’ Orion’s Belt.”

Kurt turns his head from where it rests on the windshield of Sebastian’s Mustang, both boys staring up at the night sky from where they lie on the car’s hood.

“Really?” Kurt asks, partly impressed, partially skeptical.

“How the fuck should I know?” Sebastian asks while Kurt laughs. “They’re all stars,” he says, waving his hand towards the clear night sky. “That’s just what guys do when they look up at the sky, they identify shit.”

“Damn, and I was all impressed,” Kurt says. “And you know, smart guys get me hot.”

“Actually, I do know a few of them. “

“Ah,” Sebastian says, sliding over closer, “luckily, I have an app for that.” Sebastian reaches into his pocket and pulls out his iPhone. He sweeps his finger over the screen, looking through his apps until he finds the one he’s looking for. He raises his phone and takes a shot of the night sky.

Sex in the car in the rain.

“Have you guys seen Julian?”

“No. We’ve been out looking at the stars.”

“So, no phone calls or anything?”

“No. Why?”

“Because, we can’t find him. He’s gone.”

***

“I even called the house,” Julian says, staring ahead of him with blank eyes, talking sotto voce, as if the two of them aren't standing there beside him, listening to every word. “Emily says he just…he just left. He didn’t pack a bag, didn’t tell anyone where he was going...just pfft. Gone.”

“Julian, I'm...I’m so sorry,” Kurt says sincerely, his heart sinking when that light that always lingers in Julian's eyes, the one that blazes hot behind the ice blue of his irises, starts to burn low, threatening to go out.

“So many secrets,” Julian says, shaking his head, looking down at his phone clutched in his hand as if any moment it might spring to life with a call or a text. “We’re so good at keeping secrets, aren’t we, Sebby?”

Kurt feels Sebastian go rigid beside him.

“Julian…”

Kurt has heard Sebastian say his brother’s name dozens of times, and as many different ways.

He’s said it jokingly.

He’s said it seriously.

He’s spat it like a curse.

He’s said it with affection.

But this was a plea.

He was begging Julian to stop.

“We keep secrets from mom and dad," Julian continues, again to himself as if they aren't there, "secrets from Liv, hell, the two of you kept the biggest secret of all…you even had me duped, though, apparently that isn't as hard as I thought.”

Julian laughs, sad and hollow, until it becomes a cough.

“Julian…” Sebastian repeats his plea softer, subconsciously searching for and taking Kurt's hand. He squeezes it tight and Kurt can't help noticing how it shakes.

Julian looks at his brother with a wry smirk, lifting the shot glass in is fist in an unspoken toast and downing it in a single gulp.

“Now why haven’t you told him yet, Sebby? You know it wasn’t your fault. At least, if you do, he’ll know exactly how much of a bastard I really am.”

Kurt’s eyes meet Sebastian’s, but Sebastian isn’t looking at him. He looks frozen. Numb.

“Come on, Sebby,” Julian says with tears burning in his eyes, “you love him. He loves you. He should know, dontcha think?”

Sebastian stands paralyzed, his mouth agape, unable to breathe a single word. Whatever Sebastian hasn’t told Kurt yet, whatever this pain is that the two of them hold on to, that the two of them share, Julian is getting ready to spill it. Kurt won't deny that he wants to know - he wants to help - but this is not how Kurt wants to find out. Not like this.

“Julian, no,” Kurt says, even though he’s sure what he’s saying no to is the one thing he’s wanted to know all summer.

“No, Kurt, it’s my story, too, and I need you to forgive me because what I did made this…” He flicks a finger between Kurt and Sebastian “…so much harder for you.”

“It’s fine,” Kurt says in a thick voice, “truly. I…I forgive you, it’s…”

Julian shakes his head. “Don’t, Kurt. You don’t understand how bad I hurt him…”

“Julian,” Kurt says firmly, putting his free hand on Julian’s knee and squeezing, trying to get through his haze of whiskey and self-pity, “please, stop. I don’t need to know.”

“Yes,” Sebastian agrees quietly behind him. “Yes, you do.”

Kurt turns to look at his boyfriend, expecting him to be looking away, off in the distance like Julian, or maybe down at his shoes, but he’s looking right at Kurt instead.

Kurt slowly shakes his head.

This time, it's Kurt's turn to plead.

"Sebastian..."

“That’s the spirit, baby brother,” Julian cuts in, taking his next shot off the bar and passing it over to Sebastian. Kurt watches Sebastian sadly put the shot glass to his lips, snap his head back, and down the drink, a single tear racing down his cheek and getting lost in his hair. “Let’s tell our story together.”

 “There was this guy. Seb fell so hard for him, so fast. He called Seb all sorts of cutesy nicknames. They were so adorable together. Frankly, it made me kind of sick. I wanted to help Sebby land this boy, so I got them some fake IDs, and I took them out drinking.”

“It might have been love,” Julian says. “Was it? I don’t know. It could have been.”

 “But right before we went out, I got into a fight with Cooper, and I was an asshole. So, I got them both drunk, and then I seduced this poor boy of Seb’s.”

“Well, Sebby, he got mad, had one too many to drink. He got real sick and went to the bathroom, and while he was in there, there was some guy.”

“Don’t…stop…” Kurt shakes his head.

“No,” Sebastian says quietly, “let him finish.”

“When I got to them,” Julian squeezes his eyes shut, tears leaking out the sides, “he had Sebastian pinned between the sinks, had his pants unzipped and his hand down them, he was trying to kiss him, kept saying…kept saying that he wanted to taste himself on Seb’s lips.”

“So…so, he…”

“Yeah. Big brother charged to the rescue about a minute too late.”

“Oh…oh God.”

“So that’s the story of how big bad Julian forced his baby brother away.”

 ***

“But, as soon as I can, I’ll drive up and meet you. We’ll have that big house all to ourselves. Who knows what kind of mischief we can get ourselves into?”

“What sounds like a…”

Sitting on the steps to Kurt’s patio is Cooper. And beside him, curled into a ball, hugging his knees, is Blaine.

Kurt thinks he should feel an overwhelming tide of emotion. That it should knock him back about twenty feet, transport him through time to a place where he swore he would always love Blaine. But what he felt was barely a swell. The boy who used to be perfection by Kurt’s standards was riddled with flaws. Kurt found himself comparing Blaine to Sebastian the way he used to compare Sebastian to Blaine, but this time Blaine was the one didn’t measure up.

 “Maybe you should go check on Julian.”

 “So, what, you owe it to him to hear his side?”

“No. He owes it to me to tell me why he took everything and through it all away.”

Kurt hands him the check.

“Wh---why are you…?”

“This way, when I come back, you’ll know it’s not because of obligation. It’s not because of the money. It’s because I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, and nothing he can say is going to change that. Have a little faith in me.”

***

·         Kurt rips up Seb’s check so he’ll know he’s not coming back because of the money

·         Kurt drives Blaine home

·         Kurt figures out that Blaine met his friend on Facebook before camp

·         Mr. Anderson tells Kurt how he planned to get Blaine away from Kurt

·         Burt tells Kurt he paid the $10k

 “You know, I always wondered…when you drove away, you had this look in your eyes. It’s haunted me. You knew. Before you left, you knew you were going to hookup with someone, didn’t you?”

“I met him on the camp’s Facebook page.”

 “It’s love! It’s supposed to mean everything. It’s not the kind of thing you can dump and pick up again when it’s convenient. That’s not how it works!”

  “I know I was with someone!” Blaine said, shocking even himself with the volume of his voice. “I know I did! I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did. I had every intention of coming back to you, of moving to New York with you, of living happily ever after with you! But I didn’t ruin that, Kurt! You did! You did because what you did was way worse!”

“What? What did I do that was way worse?”

“You….you fell in love.”

“What do you expect me to do?”

“I expect you to grow up. I expect you to learn from this. I expect you to accept that it’s over, and maybe, in time, we might actually be able to stay friends.”

“I will never forgive you for this.”

Kurt wants to ask him, “Did you think of me at all when he kissed you? When you were fucking him or he was fucking you, did you almost say my name? Was my smell still on your clothes, or did you make sure to wash it completely away?”

“Look, we loved each other, so much. But we’re so young, so immature, made so many bad choices…” Kurt says that word we, we, we over and over even though he doesn’t entirely mean it. But he doesn’t feel right saying what he wants to say - you did this. You ruined it. You made a bad decision. Because deep down, there’s a part of Kurt that’s culpable. He let Blaine make that decision instead of taking ownership of his own feelings. He let Blaine command the conversation when he had so much more to say. Blaine controlled how they communicated, even with their mutual friends, but Kurt went along with it. The best he can do now is try to leave the hurt feelings in the past and let it go - not necessarily for Blaine. Not to make Blaine feel better. But so that Kurt can walk away with his head held high, into a future that he deserves…with someone he loves. “Let’s just…remember that, and part as friends. Good friends.” Blaine drops his head and looks off to the side, like he’s already turned his back on the conversation. "Maybe we weren’t meant to be together,“ Kurt continues, "but that’s not a horrible thing. It’s not going to…not going to kill us.”

Funny, since that’s how Kurt felt for the first month at least, but now he sees how ludicrous that was. He’s young. They’re both young. And this, too, shall pass.

Kurt waits for Blaine to speak - to agree, to argue, to try and win him back, to sing - but he says nothing. Just stares at the carpet beneath his feet, putting Kurt’s words together…or maybe shoving them away.

Kurt sighs, putting a hand to his aching forehead. Too much drama and too little sleep. He doesn’t need this right now. What he does need…or correction…who he needs, is driving back to Westerville this very moment, and all Kurt wants is to be with him.

Why did he offer to drive Blaine home again?

Kurt looks at the boy in front of him - the boy he pined over, the boy he obsessed over, the boy he loved, for a while, more than he loved himself.

But that was over. Now, he has someone else in his life he needs to return to.

Kurt stares at Blaine, but Blaine’s eyes shift to stare at his hands, as if they somehow hold the key to changing Kurt’s mind, but Kurt isn’t about to wait.

‘If I leave now,’ he thinks, 'I can get there only twenty minutes after he does.’

"Good-bye, Blaine,” Kurt says quietly. He doesn’t reach a hand out to hold him, to hug him, to give him any comfort.

That’s not what their 'relationship' is anymore.

Kurt turns and walks toward Blaine’s bedroom door when he hears Blaine’s voice, shaking with rage, maybe some embarrassment, and thick with tears, talking to his back.

“I…am never…going to forgive you for this, Kurt,” he says, sniffling through gritted teeth. “Never.”

It’s a harsh sound, Blaine’s voice. One Kurt had only heard once before - when Blaine fought off Dave Karofsky in the halls of McKinley on the night they went to watch the New Directions perform.

When he fought Dave off to defend Kurt.

Now that anger is directed at Kurt, and it makes Kurt’s blood run cold.

It zaps any sympathy he might have had for Blaine straight from his body.

He can’t even turn to look at him when he gives him an answer.

“Good,” Kurt says, barely turning over his shoulder so that Blaine can hear him clearly. “Now you know how I felt most of this summer.”

   “So, does this mean you’re finally gone for good?”

“What does that mean?”

“I was never too thrilled with Blaine dating you. The idea of you became more palatable when you became a congressman’s son.”

“Palatable?”

***

            “Cambridge, huh. No chance he’s talking about Massachusetts?”

“No.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I only found out before we left for North Carolina, and I haven’t even decided whether or not I want to go.”

“I’m not Blaine. I’m not stupid. I want to be with you, and I have no intention of letting you go so easily. Please…have a little faith in me. Please. Just this once. Alright?” ”

  But Sebastian doesn’t go to Cambridge. He goes to NYU.

“Do you miss me yet?”

“No.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Yes, I miss you. Of course, I miss you.”

“You gonna show me how much?”

“What, like on Skype or something.”

“Or something.”

The End

[im-tops-bottom]

After the chitauri invasion Steve and Tony became friends.

After Ultron Steve and Tony became boyfriends.

After Civil War Steve showed his true colors and chose Bucky over a nearly dead Tony.

Since then Tony, Rhodey and Pepper have been fighting to bring the rogues home.

Once the rogues are finally allowed back, it's Pepper who waits for them at the compound. So much had changed since the big fight and the rogues stare in wonder at the upgraded facility.

"where's Tony?" Steve asks as he notices that there's no yelling or arguing or anyone glaring at him. What he also notices is Peppers sigh and the sadness in her eyes.

"there's a reason why Tony wanted to talk to you over the phone about everything"

Steve becomes worried and he notices everyone else looks worried too.

"come with me everyone. All your rooms have been kept the same, except Steve and Bucky. Tony has cleared out his stuff from your room Steve and moved all of Bucky's stuff to it. He also kept Bucky's room as a spare incase Bucky wants to be alone. The whole second floor has been turned into a training room with a few extra rooms for people who want to practice on their own. One room is specifically for Wanda to practice and he has gotten Doctor Strange to help out Miss Maximoff. you guys will like him"

The rogues look at each other before turning back.

"as the kids tend to get rowdy, half of the second floor is a gaming facility while the other half is their rooms. The Gaming room is sound proof and anyone is allowed UP THERE! IM SHOUTING THIS BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KIDS ARE HOME AND I SWEAR!"

"I'm sorry, kids?"

"oh yes, Peter Parker who is Spiderman. When he isn't at school or his Aunt Mays then he is here. There's also Harley who goes to school, he lives here now as his mum passed away. Tony is trying to look for his dad and if he can't find him then he will adopt Harley. He's a good kid. A smart one at that. He's peters age. Then there is Morgan. She's the baby of the house. She's currently with Natasha who is down the hall. She's my precious baby"

"congratulations Ms Potts."

"thank you Steve. Now there's a theatre room down the end. Kitchen and communal room is down that way and if we can all just squeeze into this elevator"

"did Tony build a workshop?"

"yeah as well as a special gym for him and Rhodey. Happy and Stephen are currently with them now. Don't worry up in the training room there's a gym as well. Oh and here we are. This way"

They follow Pepper and almost collapse on top of each other due to the shock they are all feeling. Especially Steve and Bucky who know exactly why.

"hey gentleman they are here. Thought we might get this part out of the way so there are no surprises."

"okay wait one moment. We need to get this disaster back onto his wheels"

Steve's heart breaks as he watches a new guy lift Tony up with what looks like a magic and places him gently down onto a wheelchair. He watches all 4 gentleman laugh about something before a second wave of shock kicks on as the tall gentleman which he is assuming is Stephen bends down and kisses Tony. A third wave of shock strikes him as he gets shoved aside as Sam races through the room and collapses on top of Rhodeys lap and kisses him all over.

"Pepper a little help. I was paid to help them through training not stand here and watch people make out."

"wait Sam and Rhodey?"

Steve feels a little stung as Bucky says that because he feels the shock and hurt too. Why didn't Sam say anything. Then again he is one to talk. He feels ashamed right then because he remembers how it was Sam and Visions fault Rhodey is like that. Guilt strikes him hard as he watches Tony in his wheelchair and knows that that was his fault.

"okay so Sam do you mind wheeling Rhodey out. He needs to shower and you guys can talk. I'm sure Tony would like to have a little chat with Steve and Bucky."

"but"

"no buts Stephen dear. You are gonna have to with the rest back upstairs. Please be a doll and start the cooking. Bruce, Thor and Loki should be he-"

"wait Loki?"

"everything will be explained soon. But for now let's just deal with this. Once they arrive Stephen see to it that they help and no magic. I'll be watching."

"you are no fun Pepper"

"I know. Don't make me sick Christine on you"

"ouch even I felt that knife dig deep into your back Stephanie"

"shut it Tony"

"but babe~"

"okay save the lovey dovey stuff for later. Oh and Clint I hope you don't mind I invited Laura and the kids over and for you Scott I invited Hope over. We couldn't get your daughter unfortunately"

The smiles on Clint and Scott's faces lighted up the room.

"great now let's get upstairs so i can check on Nat and my daughter"

After everyone left it was just Steve, Tony and Bucky left. Steve notices Tony gulp as he looked down and played with his hands. He looks at Bucky as he pats his back and nudges him forward.

"you first Stevie"

Steve took a deep breath before moving forward.

"I'm sorry Tony"

"I know Rogers"

And ouch that hurt. That really hurt.

"I'm sorry too. Us 3 had this discussion already. I'm over it. I moved on surprisingly and now I'm trying to do my best"

"you know there is still stuff we need to talk about"

"if it has anything to do with our relationship then I don't want to talk about it. I've already buried the hatch it"

Yup that hurt too.

"Tony. Hey come on"

Steve gets on his knees and grabs Tony's hands softly.

"look at me"

Tony looks up slowly and Steve feels something buried deep inside him rising. He knows exactly what it is and it pains him because of everything that has happened. He promises himself that he'll keep it to himself.

"I hope Stephen is treating you right"

"better than you ever did"

That got Steve to wince.

"sorry Steve I shouldn't have said that"

"that's okay. I deserve it"

They spend the next 30 minutes talking and soon Stephen comes down to say that it's time for Tony's shower and meds. Tony promises Bucky that they will have their own private talk soon and Bucky nods.

Dinner runs smoothly and everyone is joking and smiling away. Clint talks about how he wants to set rockets on Tony and Rhodeys wheelchairs and watch them race. The kids think it's a good idea as well. Tony was about to say let's do it but gets stopped by a glaring Pepper. Tony texts under the table to Clint, Harley and Peter that that's a great idea but they'll have to wait until Pepper left to discuss it.

The next day Tony and Bucky have their private talk while Tony does maintenance on Bucky's new arm. Apologies and a heart felt talk are made. They make a pinky promise to talk about things when it all becomes too much and to daily talks about their own Steven/Stephen. They get close in that next hour.

The day after finds Steve yelling at Tony, Sam yelling at Rhodey and Pepper growling at the kids and Clint because of the whole wheelchair race. Everyone is relieved to find out that no serious damage was done to Tony whose wheelchair blasted off into the sky sending Tony falling down. Tony laughs the whole way through it amd thanks the heavens that Stephen or Loki weren't there because they can get pretty mean. Tony, Clint and the kids are grounded. Sam was too nice to ground Rhodey.

A week later finds Tony smiling through the tears as Rhodey is finally able to walk in braces without falling. Shuri had made vibranium ones that have done wonders for Rhodey. She promises Tony that she'll make braces and back support for Tony and Tony smiles and thanks her for all her help.

3 days later Bucky walks down to the workshop after a nightmare because Steve went to Wakanda for something to do with a special shield Tony, Peter, Harley and Shuri made. Bucky told him to take some time for himself because he needs and deserves it.

As soon as he gets off the elevator he rushes into the gym and checks over Tony who fell. After getting Friday to scan him he tries to help a crying and frustrated Tony back onto the wheelchair but Tony pushes him away.

"just leave me alone"

"no. Now come on Tony"

"it's your fault I'm like this so why don't you just leave me the hell alone"

Bucky growls and picks Tony up bridal style. He asks Friday where Stephen is and finds that Stephen is in a different dimension amd won't be able to make contact. Bucky carries a pissed off Tony back to his spare room and places him gently onto the bed. He rips Tony's clothes off, checks for injuries again, gives him a sponge bath, realizes what he's done to Tony's clothes, rushes out to his and Steve's room tp grab some of his clothes, drags the escapee back to bed, puts the clothes on him, throws him under the blankets, tucks him in and tells him to stay put.

"I'm gonna cook up food and you are gonna eat it, enjoy it and then sleep after it. Have i made myself clear?"

He walks out after Tony crosses his arm and looks away. He brings back the food and forces Tony to eat it amd threatens to call Rhodey or Pepper. After eating, Bucky cuddles Tony and they fall asleep.

Both Bucky and Tony wake up in shock to find they never had any nightmares compared to all the ones they got when they slept alone or was with their partners.

After some more cuddling Bucky begins to the talk.

"we talked about this tony. No matter how angry one of us gets, we made a promise to not leave their side. I made a promise that I was gonna take care of you when no one else couldn't amd you promised right back. Now just because you said some nasty things doesn't mean I'm gonna break it. I've known you for a while now and know that you say cruel things to push people away. It worked on Stevie but it ain't gonna work on me doll"

"I'm sorry winter wonderland"

"it's okay. now you wanna tell me what the hell that was last night"

"even though I'm happy for Rhodey, I'm jealous that he got the hang of walking."

"that took a year Tony"

"I know. I just miss walking around. Miss training. Miss flying in the suit. i just want this to hurry up. Earth is in damger and I just want to be ready"

"that's why we got Fury bringing Captain Marvel in and why we are getting a special suit made so Rhodey can bring in the big guns."

"i just feel left out because I was the one who saw it coming. I was the one who couldn't sleep at night because of it. I was the one who tried telling everyone but no one listened and now it's too late."

"I know it's too late but I guess someone can start now. From now on when no one is listening I will be. I promise you. Just don't quit. Don't give up. Keep on fighting"

"promise to be by my side even when I'm an asshole"

Bucky don't know what got into him but he found he didn't care as he leaned in to kiss Tony. After he felt Tonys initial shock drain amd joined in, he went deeper. A while later he pulls back so they can breathe.

"I promise Tony. Promise you'll do the same thing"

"I promise"

"good"

"great"

"fantastic"

The two giggle as they go back into cuddling.

"hey Friday put one of Tony's favorite movies on will ya"

"will do Mr Barnes"

"good girl"

Hours later Stephen and Steve find Tony and Bucky cuddled together asleep while movie was playing in the back ground.

Stephen tries to pick up Tony but Tony whimpers in his sleep. Bucky's metal hand comes out from under the blanket and holds Stephens wrist. Without opening his eyes Bucky growls.

"whoever you are you aren't taking him. Now move before I hurt you"

Steve rushes over to place a hand on Bucky.

"hey babe easy there. Give Tony back to Stephen and we can cuddle"

Bucky follows Steve's touch which causes Tony to whimper in his sleep again and follow Bucky. Bucky leaves Steves touch amd goes back to growling and cuddling Tony.

Stephen just sighs and looks at Steve.

"well they aren't moving. Might as well join the cuddle pile"

Stephen hops in cuddling Tony and Steve hops in cuddling Bucky.

That night Bucky wakes up to find everyone has come into the room and is cuddling together. His laugh wakes up Tony who is pressed up against Bucky front.

"hmmmm"

"easy there"

"I'm hungry and need to pee"

A portal opens up behind Stephen and Bucky hops out of bed and manages to get Tony out.

"thank you Stephen"

Stephen just gives a thumbs up as Bucky walks through and enters the bathroom. After that Bucky carries a giggling Tony to the kitchen where he makes the smaller a sandwich while he cooks dinner.

"thank you Bucky for everything"

"no problem doll. Gotta treat my fella right"

Bucky realizes what he just said and looks at Tony who is blushing as he eats his sandwich. He thinks about Stephen and Steve and shrugs it off because he will deal with that later. For now he has redfaced Tony to kiss. He kneels down, grabs the sandwich to put on the plate and brings Tony into a kiss.

"Bucky stop it"

"sorry I couldn't help it"

"what about our boyfriend's?"

"yeah what about them?"

Bucky smiles as he knows exactly who said that. He looks at Tony and says

"fuck them"

He ignores Stephen and Steve's gasps as he pulls tony in for a deeper kiss.

"wow Rogers. Do you see that? Unbelievable"

"I know right. In all fairness we should just kiss now and make it even"

"yeah no wait what!?!"

Stephen shrieks as Steve brings him down for a kiss and goes completely redfaced. Steve pulls back after a minute and laughs at Stephens facial expression.

Bucky and Tony are still ignoring them in favor of their slow and shockingly passionate kiss. The world can wait.

[voltron-s7-8-rewrite]

Lions' Pride, Part 1

This is part of my Voltron Season 7 & 8 re-write. If you are interested start HERE

PREVIOUS

The two Paladin teams successfully deactivate the weapons systems on the Zaiforge cannons that they infiltrated. However, in the time it took to complete that task, the cannons were launched and already made it into space.

The four cannons that the MFE and Lion's attacked were damaged, but are still operational. The Paladins contact the Garrison and let them know they are going after the other cannons in their Lions.

Krolia takes her ship back to the Garrison as the Paladins pull Keith's signature move -launching themselves into space as their Lions come to collect them.

Once in, the Paladins begin attacking the remaining cannons, however they soon find themselves under fire, as the cannon's launch bases double as defences for the cannons. The MFE's see this, and thanks to the Faunatonium upgrade Coran made to their ships, they have the power to attack the bases for the Paladins.

                                                    __________

Seeing his weapons attacked on all sides, Sendak tries to divert the Paladin's and MFE's attentions by ordering his main fleet to attack the Garrison.

As Krolia returns from the canon, she sees his fleet on course to the Garrison.

                                                  __________

Arriving back to the Garrison, Krolia warns them about the ships heading their way.

Realizing they can't hold out on the ground anymore, Shiro, Coran, and Sam quickly try to figure out a way to get the Atlas flying. Their only option is to use the power from the shield generator, which would leave them vulnerable. Sanda orders them to do it, and prays it will work.

                                                  __________

The Garrison's shields go down, and Sendak's ship takes this chance to attack, however, the MFE's return from taking down the last of the bases, and begin to engage his forces.

                                                  __________

Even using all the power the Garrison has to offer still isn't enough to get The Atlas flying. Sam offhandedly says that at this rate it would take the power of a black hole to get it working. His statement causes Coran to remember the crystal that was formed from the Castle of Lions, and with pride, places the last piece of the ship his grandfather built into The Atlas' crystal chamber.

With that The Atlas bursts to life; as the systems all come online, Shiro orders the surrounding officers to their stations and tasks, but quickly realizes Sanda is there and apologizes for overstepping his authority and hands the bridge over to her.

Sanda smirks and tells the officers to do exactly what Shiro said, as his commands were made with good judgment. She and Shiro share a nod of respect, then she gives the command for the Atlas to take off.

                                                  __________

The Paladins, seeing The Atlas launch, victioursly cheer. The triumph of The Atlas gives them all a second wind as Keith encourages the others to quickly finish bringing the cannons down so they can help their friends.

                                                  __________

The Atlas and MFEs engage Sendak's forces together. Sendak's forces sends out their fighters that the MFEs target, as The Atlas attacks the larger ships.

As the battle rages on, Shiro asks Krolia if there is any way they could infiltrate Sendak's ship and take the canons down from there. Krolia says she believes it would be possible, and Shiro asks her to take him over.

Sanda, listening to their conversation, cuts in and tells him that she will go with Krolia instead. Shiro argues that she is needed to command The Atlas, but Sanda says The Atlas needs it's real commander, and that is clearly meant to be Shiro. He is dumbfounded, but she tells him how she's been observing him since their return, and has seen that as he is respected and accepted by both the Paladins and Earth's forces. He's the only one capable to command The Atlas and bring both sides of the coalition together.

To the delight of those on the Bridge, Sanda promotes Shiro to Captain of the Atlas, and to a high position in the Garrison. Shiro is taken back, but realizes this the purpose he's been looking for since he left the Black Lion. He thanks her and accepts the role.

Shiro steps up to the command console as Sanda steps down. Iverson asks for his orders, and with a smile Shiro starts giving commands as Sanda and Krolia head out.

                                                  __________

Flying over in Krolia's fighter, she and Sanda are able to get into Sendak's ship without a problem, however, as they land, sentries approach. Not wasting time, Krolia leaps from the ship and takes them all down in several quick moves. Shocked by her abilities, Sanda gets out and tells Krolia that she's glad she's on their side. Krolia smiles, and leads her through the ship.

Avoiding the sentries, the two find the crystal and place charges on it. Not wanting to wait around, they start heading back to their ship, the explosives going off as they run.

The bombs do the trick and the crystal is destroyed, shutting the ship, and even more importantly, the cannons down.

However, the explosion draws the attention of Sendak's soldiers, who spot Krolia and Sanda escaping. The sentries and soldiers begin firing on them as they flee. The two women don't waste time in staying to fight, instead, shooting what they can as they go.

Their luck runs out as one of the Galran soldier's shots hits Sanda. Krolia stops and runs back, taking the soldier out, before going and grabbing the wounded Sanda.

Krolia gets them both back to their fighter, and flies them out of Sendak's ship. Placing her ship on auto pilot, Krolia goes to Sanda and looks the wound over. Sanda can see on Krolia's face that she's not going to make it. Krolia tries to tell her to hold on, but Sanda says it's alright, she accepted this was a possibility when she decided to go.

Krolia offers her hand to hold for comfort, and Sanda accepts it with a smile. She says she doesn't think anyone has thanked Krolia for all she sacrificed in order to protect Earth. She says she recognizes the weight of the choice Krolia made and thanks her for protecting their home. She asks her to continue protecting it, and Krolia promises that she will.

Sanda passes away as the ship docks in The Atlas.

                                                  __________

With Sendak's ship and cannon's powered down, the Paladins form Voltron and destroy the cannons first, before quickly taking down the rest of Sendak's fleet.

With Sendak's lone battle cruiser remaining, Voltron and The Atlas face it head on. After all the pain, suffering, and terror Sendak inflicted upon the Paladins, their people, their home, and the rest of the universe, the time for justice has come.

Shiro gives the order to fire.

From his bridge, Sendak shouts in rage and defeat as Voltron and The Atlas unleash all they have on his cruiser, annihilating it, and him from the universe.

                                                  __________

Joyous over their victory, and Earth's freedom, Lions disengage from each other as they return to the planet's surface to land.

Exhausted, but euphoric, the Paladins call to The Atlas for an update on how they are doing. However, an object bursts through the atmosphere and crashes into the ground before them.

Shocked and confused, The Atlas comms the Paladins and asks what that was, as their scanners are going haywire, unable to make out what it is.

As the dust clears the Paladins stare in horror as the Robeast that destroyed Olkarion slowly stands.

Notes:

So, while I wasn't trying to completely change people's minds on the canon Sanda, hopefully my version was more tolerable for you all.

I wanted her to be more like a real character, and not just a clichéd antagonistic force to fill a roll. Here she is an active hero, who died a heroic death while doing all she can for the good of her people and universe, and embracing others who have done the same.

I really think this character could have had some great potential to have been heroic, and gone out in a way that would have made viewers feel an impact. But as it is in the show, I sure didn't feel anything towards her, 'Eh, guess she redeemed herself' death.

.

Now, as for Shiro and The Atlas.

Like I said in my notes for S7E1&2, I do know a lot of people wanted Shiro back as Black Paladin, and saw his role with The Atlas as a demotion. While I completely understand how the story, as it is in canon, gives that feeling, it shouldn't have. I think the problem with it and why it gives that feeling is because of the way his promotion was handled, and then how his relationship to the others diminished and became unnatural in the last two seasons.

See, pre-Kerberos Shiro had been devalued by Sanda and the Garrison due to his illness. They didn't believe in his abilities, instead only saw his disability. They wanted to hold him back from his desires, and then when things went wrong, they used him as their scapegoat.

Having the Garrison -and in my version- Sanda herself, see all the worth they had been blind to before, and promote him to both Captain of The Atlas and a leader in the Garrison should not be a demotion, but actually an exclamation point on his story.

The people who once tried to hold him back and use him, saw the error of their ways, and then choose him to be the one they would listen to and follow. That's a big deal!

I think the thing season 7 and, especially 8 failed to do with Shiro was show how VITAL he is to both the Paladins and the Garrison. That he is the bridge that could bring both sides together in order to become a working unit.

You see people joke about Shiro being "Space Dad" to the Paladins, and it's really kind of true. While he literally did raise one of them, he was a mentor to them all. He laid the foundation for them to become the team they are now.

The Paladins are now out from under his wings and on their own, their path set right due to his guidance. Having him go back to being the Black Paladin would be saying that he didn't lead and guide them well enough the first time.

Instead of having that kind of regression, we get to see that he continues that mentor role that he loves, but on an even bigger level. He, Takashi Shirogane, is the one who will guide Humanity as it takes its first steps into the bigger universe.

That's pretty freaking awesome.

.

Aside from that; rather then a huge, completely impossible, and absolutely ridiculous fight on the outside of a ship that's burning its way through the atmosphere, The Paladins and Atlas just blow Sendak out of existence.

Yeah, it's not as 'cool' as a one on one fight between Shiro and Sendak, but it's not like Shiro got to take him out anyhow. Besides, while Sendak was certainly an adversary for Shiro, I don't agree with the whole "Sendak was Shiro's archnemesis and Shiro should have taken him out!" mindset.

The guy terrorized all the Paladins. Yes, he tortured and tormented Shiro, but his attack on the castle also nearly killed Lance, he invaded and corrupted Allura and Coran's home, leading to the death/destruction of the last remnants of Alfor, he used innocent people and the Paladins themselves against each other, and that's just some of the things he did in S1E6 & 7. We're not even getting into what he did while leading 'The Fire of Purification' in a spree of terror and subjugation across the Earth and the Galaxy at large.

To me, everyone had a right to take a piece out of him. So, both Voltron and The Atlas get to take part in taking him out.

Thanks for reading, have a great day!

NEXT

[thefandomsnotebook]

Nothing Left to Lose (Infinity War Edition)

For those of you who haven’t seen End Game yet or for those who just love being emotional 24/7 like me. 

Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 2600

Requested: Nope just something fun.

I’m expanding on this in the coming weeks but feel free to leave me a request x

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 (Not really needed for this part but just in case you wanna see how this all started) 

Masterlist

Spoilers: Just Infinity War! 

I will be writing an End Game version so stay tuned for that. 

“Ned lets think about this theoretically,” You laughed. “Of course Ironman’s repulsers could take down Captain America.” You explained. 

“Okay, so you’re telling me that Ironman has technology strong enough to get through not only a super soldier but a vibranium shield” Ned argued. 

“Yes, that is one hundred percent what I am telling you,” You said to him. 

Peter just chuckled from beside you. You and Ned were having trouble keeping your voices down even on the crowded school bus. Luckily everyone was lost in their own conversations to even be paying attention to the two of you. 

“That’s impossible! Vibranium is the strongest mental on this planet, Ironman’s repulsor technology wouldn’t stand a chance!” Ned exclaimed. 

The irony of the situation is you knew the answer to this because of what happened two years ago in Siberia with your dad and Captain America. Nothing could have prepared for hearing that your dad had gone head to head with the two super soldiers. Not only that but they had left him there, stranded. The mere thought of the former hero, the more he made your blood boil. 

“And who do you think gave him that shield? Come on, Ned.” You said seriously. 

“You two have literally been arguing about this for the past twenty minutes,” Michelle pipped up. 

“All I’m saying is that ironman could take down Captain America,” You said holding your hands up. “I happen to know that first hand.” You smiled. 

“We get it your Dad’s Ironman,” Ned joked. 

“Oh? Are you accepting defeat then?” You said raising an eyebrow. 

“For now.” Ned smiled. 

“Good,” You said to him before looking over at Peter who kissed your temple and then stared down at his arm. 

You frowned knowing exactly what was happening and looked from his arm and then out the window of the bus to see a huge flying ship looming over the city. 

“Pete,” You nudged him as you continued to stare at the ship. A wash of anxiety flooded through you and you grabbed Peter’s arm. 

“Don’t you dare,” You whispered to him. 

“I’ve got to see what it is, what if something bad is about to happen?” He asked you. 

“Exactly what if something bad is about to happen? I don’t want you going out there and getting yourself killed. We don’t who or what is on that ship.” You told him. 

“Y/n just let me go and take a look, I’ll be right back,” Peter said seriously. 

You knew something bad was about to happen, you didn’t have a good feeling about any of this. 

“Peter no, please.” You told him. 

“I’ll be right back, you won’t even know I’m gone.” He pleaded. 

You looked from the ship and back to him before shaking your head in protest. 

“I’ve got too,” Peter told you. 

“Peter, I’m serious please stay.” You pleaded with him. 

“Y/n… Five minutes let me go make sure everything is okay.” He said to you. 

You glanced from the ship and back to Peter. “Promise you’ll come right back to me.” You said seriously. “I’m serious, you better come right back.” You whispered not liking any of this but you knew he had to go make sure, if not for his own well being but yours as well. 

“I promise,” Peter said and then kissed you gently. “I’ll be right back,” He told you. “I love you,” You whispered to him. 

“I love you more,” He said kissing your forehead and then nodded to Ned. “Make a distraction,” he told him. 

Ned nodded and got up from his seat running to the back of the bus screaming “WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!” Loudly causing everyone to look out the back of the bus. 

Peter squeezed your hand before he climbed through the window. You watched him anxiously as he took off before looking back at the ship in horror as it made its way through the city. 

“Hey, Stark! You think your dad is checking out that?” Someone asked you. 

“God I hope not... but I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s already on it.” You said and then looked at your watch and went to get ahold of your dad. 

“Y/N?” He said after a moment you could hear the commotion in the background. 

“What’s the update?” You asked him as you stared out at the ship.

“Assessing the situation but from what I have gathered they are trying to steal an infinity stone from a wizard.” He explained. 

Over the last few years, you and your dad had a more open line of communication. He knew something bad like this was coming and wanted you prepared for whatever it is. The trust and teamwork that had bonded between the both of you have brought you two closer than either of you thought was possible. Now you were working alongside him with Nanotechnology. Not only that but you were helping to design Ironman suits one of which you had for yourself and helped with countless upgrades to Peter’s Spiderman suits. 

“Right,” You said as you heard a crash. “This is it, isn’t it?” You asked after a moment. 

“It is, just like I thought.” He said as you heard a rocket go off. 

“Kid! What are you doing here?” You heard your Dad say on the other end which made you sigh in relief that at least Peter was with your dad. 

“Field trip!” You heard him call. 

“Okay Dad, go handle that. Stay safe, please. I love you.” You told him. 

“I love you too, kiddo. Be careful you have your suit on you right?” He asked 

“Of course I do,” You told him. 

“Good okay, talk soon,” He said as you heard more crashes soon. 

You both said goodbye and then disconnected from each other. The commotion on his end didn’t make you feel any better if anything you found a knot forming in the pit of your stomach as you continued to stare out the window knowing that the two most important people in your left were putting each other in imminent danger to keep everyone else safe. You understood why it was their duty to do so but the thought of either of them getting hurt in the midst of all of this was chilling.

You stepped off the bus and watched as the ship was making its way back up into the atmosphere. Hopefully, this meant that the situation had been taking care of- 

You snapped out of your train of thought as your phone rang. “Peter where are you? I see the ship going back up into orbit.” You said and could hear the wind in the background. 

“Yeah about that, I’m going to be longer than 5 minutes,” He said as you walked away from your group of friends careful not to draw attention to yourself as you continued to watch the ship. 

“What do you mean? Where-? Oh my god. Peter, you better not be,” You said as your heart dropped into the pit of your stomach and you looked up at the ship in horror. 

“Your dad said to get the wizard and they took him aboard the ship and so-“ 

“Peter no, come back.” You said sternly. “Please please get off the ship.” You pleaded you could hear your voice crack with each syllable. 

“I can’t- I’ve got to help,” He said softly. 

“You promised you would come right back,” You said to him. 

“Peter please, I’m begging you. Get down from there.” You said as you watched the ship get further and further away. 

“Peter Benjamin Parker please come back down here,” You said choking up now at the thought that Peter was about to enter space. 

“Y/n I can’t you know I can’t I’ve got to go help your dad.” He said to you. 

“He’s up there too?” You said in disbelief. 

“Yeah, he is,” He told you. “I’m with your dad, I’ll be fine. I promise. Trust me y/n.” He said to you. 

Your world was shifting, not only was Peter about to enter orbit but your dad was too. 

“Please be careful,” You said defeated. “You better come back to me, Peter.” You told him. 

“I’ll always come back to you, Y/n,” Peter said and you could hear the connection fading out. 

“I love you,” Peter said now sounding muffled. 

“I love you too.” You said weakly as you stared at the sky and the connection faded out. 

Once the connection was lost you found yourself struggling to take deep breaths as a message came through on your watch. 

You pressed play immediately knowing it was from your dad. “Hey kiddo, I’m going to be a little late tonight. I want you to be careful and don’t worry about me I’ll be fine. Just a quick trip… into space.” He trailed to you.  

The last time he had mentioned a quick trip he ended up stranded and battered in Siberia. You could feel in your bones that this was going to be much worse than Siberia. So much worse. 

“I love you. You and Pepper take care of each other. You’re my best girls. I’ll be back soon,” He promised and you could hear the connection fading out as his last words faded into the background and you stared up at the ship which was disappearing from your view and carrying the two people you cared about the most. 

You stared emotionless up at the television screen that displayed your worst nightmare. “Tony Stark Missing” in big bold letters. Not only was your dad missing but so was Peter and you hadn’t heard from either of them since they took off on that alien ship.  

You sat in the Avenger’s compound with Rhodey as he talked well more like argued with Ross. You hadn’t even been paying attention when you heard the doors open and the sound of the last voice you needed to hear right now. 

“And earth just lost their best defender,” Steve said as he walked in with Natasha, Sam, Vision, and Wanda came walking in. 

You stood up at the sight of him and could feel your blood boil as Rhodey came over and stood next to you placing a hand on your shoulder as he hung up on Ross. 

“Really? Because where was that enthusiasm when you and Barnes left him battered and stranded in Siberia?” You asked him. 

Causing everyone else to look back at you in shock.

“Y/n what are you doing here?” Natasha asked. 

“You all are in need of a Stark, I’m the best we’ve got right now.” You said to her looking away from Steve and back at Natasha. 

“Y/n we have bigger problems on our hands right now,” Rhodey reminded you. “Keep on the mission,” He told you. 

You sighed folding your arms over your chest as you glared at Steve as they talked about Vision. 

“No, that’s right. After all this time Vision is well Vision enough to still be him without the stone.” You said to them before walking over to a computer. 

“You and Dad attached his neurons piece by piece and although I applaud your efforts because at the time it was revolutionary- what if we just got them to interact collectively instead of one by one?” You said looking at Bruce who was slightly taken back. 

“Collectively?” He said looking for you to Vision. 

“Yeah, it’s definitely possible. Look” You said pulling it up for everyone. 

“Looks like someones taking over the family business.” Natasha smiled to you

“That’s- That’s actually a great idea,” He said to you. “Why didn’t we think of that?” He said after a moment. 

You smiled and shrugged slightly. 

“I think you are giving Bruce and Tony a run for their money,” Natasha said after a moment. 

“I had some pretty good teachers growing up. “ You smiled to her and shrugged. 

“So can you do it then?” Steve asked after a moment. 

You stared at the screen then at Vision. “ At the current moment, no. It would take weeks for me to figure out and develop technology to do so.” You explained sheepishly. 

“Do you know anyone who can?” Bruce asked you. 

“I do,” Steve told him. 

You looked from Steve then back at Bruce. “Sorry I can’t do more,” You told him. 

“Don’t be sorry you’re brilliant. I still can’t believe your Dad and I never thought about that,” He told you as came over and hugged you tightly.

“Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes help,” You told him. “Since you guys are leaving then at least let me give your suit upgrade, Uncle Bruce.” You told them. 

“Suit upgrades? You’re doing those now?” Sam asked you. 

“Yeah for the past year, I’m a little bit more involved then I was last time I saw you guys.” You explained. 

“She’s turned into something of a Mini-ironman over the last year and a half,” Rhodey said to them, smiling. 

“Maybe she should come along then,” Sam said after a moment. “Do you have a suit?” He asked. 

“Yeah, I-“ You started before you were cut off by Rhodey. 

“No, I’ve already lost Tony. I’m not risking her. Besides Tony would kill me,” Rhodey said before you protested. 

“It’s nanotechnology, Uncle Rhodey. The exact same that’s in Dads-“ You explained. 

“No, you’re staying with Pepper and I’m not going to argue this with you. We both know your dad would want you here.” Rhodey said seriously. 

You nodded after a moment. “I’ve got to go see May Parker anyway,” You said quietly.

“We’re going to take care of it okay?” Rhodey promised you. 

You could feel a sob building so you took a deep breath and walked over to another computer before entering in a few codes to unlock Bruce’s suit for him. Your emotional state wavered between a sob or nothing at all. You hated feeling like you were doing anything. You wanted to do more, you wanted to find out what happened to your Dad and Peter. You wanted to help separate the stone from Vision and help protect it.

“Take one of the newer Quinjets. No offense Cap but the one you’ve been riding around in is in serious need of some work. Everything’s been updated. Suit up, I'd take a guess and say you all don’t have much time to get the stone out of Visions head” You said as you typed a few numbers into the computer not looking back at anyone. 

“You sure?” Steve said to you. 

You nodded glancing up at him for a moment. “Yeah, it’ll give me something to work on too.” You told him. 

“Look Y/n-“ Steve started. 

“We don’t have time for that, Rogers. It’s fine. The past is the past now the future is at stake. That’s the most important thing isn’t it?” You asked him. 

Steve looked at you for a moment and then nodded. “Thanks for your help kid.” He told you.

“Anytime,” You said nodding to him. “Alright, you guys need to be on the way in ten.” You said to them. 

“You sure you’re going to be okay?” Rhodey asked. 

“Yeah, I’ve got to go and talk to May Parker about Pete and then I’ll just come home and tinker with something.” You told him. 

“We're going to take care of everything,” He told you. 

“I know you will.” You said crossing your arms over your chest. “I just feel like I should be doing more,” You told him. 

“You are doing exactly what your dad would want you to be doing right now,” Rhodey explained.  

Thank you for reading,

I’ll see you soon! 

Masterlist

[aphrodaisyacs]

Chapter summary:

Tony (internally): Oh my god I bet he still hates me. Steve (internally): Oh my god I bet he still hates me.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: Gen Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), Heimdall (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff, Bruce Banner, Thanos (Marvel), Stephen Strange, Tony Stark, James “Bucky” Barnes, Guardians of the Galaxy Team, Steve Rogers, T'Challa (Marvel), Peter Parker Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Shitstorm with a Happy Ending, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, POV Multiple, Loss of Limbs, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canon-Typical Violence

Links if you want to read on tumblr:

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

Can you believe I completed my first fanfic? Me neither.

Here’s the epilogue, aka the long awaited Steve & Tony reconciliation below:

Tony slept through the entire ride back to Earth.

It wouldn’t have been such a bad thing, per se, if it weren’t for the fact that he did it while slumped over the Milano’s main table in a hard stool.

Tony stretches, then winces at the series of cracks that follow.

He’s getting too old for this.

The arrival of the group from Titan receive a less than warm welcome from those in Wakanda. Which, fair enough, since previously all spaceships to Earth had meant bad news. The Wakandan soldiers only put down their weapons after everyone steps out of the Milano. Tony gets practically tackled and squeezed to death by Rhodey, and he can faintly register Heimdall suffering the same fate behind him, courtesy of Thor.

Turns out he had missed a laundry list’s worth of things since stowing away on that space donut, which was only what, a day ago? Bruce is back, so’s Thor and even Loki (who’s apparently blue now and no longer crazy and bent on taking over the world). Steve and the other ex-Avengers are here too, and Tony does his best to ignore the twinge in his chest at the sight of them.

Luckily for Tony and his aversion to long overdue conversations, Thanos’ latest army had left such a mess in Wakanda that everyone is needed to help with the clean-up. There isn’t much they can do about whatever the hell happened to the grass fields, so they focus their efforts on the scattered corpses and whatever alien tech had been left behind.

But unluckily for him, Steve is determined to talk to him, and Tony can’t believe he’d almost forgotten how damn stubborn the man can be. Steve has been unsubtly glancing at Tony’s way for the past ten or so minutes with that slight furrow between his brows, and Tony feigns ignorance and continues hauling alien corpses as if he wouldn’t rather launch himself into space again.

After all, he’s quite sure that Steve hates him.

Sure, Steve had said that he’d help if Tony needed him. But what if the moment he sees Tony again, he gets reminded of how much he hates the man who forced him to give up his shield, his symbol? The man who attacked his best friend, over something that said best friend was forced to do while tortured and brainwashed, even? Fucking hell, the more Tony thinks about it the more he feels like human garbage. He’s terrified at the idea of looking at Steve again for the first time since their fight, only for the other man to look back with hatred, disgust, disappointment or even apathy. And somehow apathy is the worst of the lot, because then it’d be as if Tony no longer means anything to him and that would hurt.

“Tony.”

Think of the devil.

Tony deliberately throws another alien corpse into the back of the clean-up vehicle before turning around.

“Cap!” he exclaims, with probably a bit too much forced enthusiasm. Steve gives him A Look, and yep, definitely too much enthusiasm, because he isn’t buying it at all.

An awkward silence hangs between them and Tony struggles not to fidget too much as he turns his gaze towards everything but Steve’s face. Come on Tony, say something, say something-

“So… I heard that you’ve teamed up with Loki over there. Guess your type is tall, dark and murderous, huh?”

Tony instantly regrets the words the moment they leave his mouth, because if the expression on Steve’s face is anything to go by, he doesn’t find the half-assed joke funny at all.

Figures Tony would ruin things before they can even begin.

The awkwardness of the silence now has a sour edge to it, and the idea of being launched into space again to fight a Thanos 2.0 is becoming more and more appealing.

Suddenly a different voice cuts in.

“Well gee, this is getting painful to watch,” Barnes huffs. He meets Steve’s withering glare with a raised eyebrow as he strides over to them. He turns to Tony.

“Now that I’ve recovered and gotten all the trigger words out-” Barnes heaves out a sigh and looks straight at Tony with a startling amount of sincerity. “You can arrest me. I promise I won’t run anymore.”

“Buck-” Steve begins, but stops when Barnes merely shakes his head. They wait for Tony’s response.

Tony takes in Steve’s tense stance and Barnes’ kicked puppy look. Instantly, any and all emotions he had been feeling at that point drain out of him, leaving him empty and exhausted.

“Look-” Tony begins, “I’ve had some time to think about it and I really shouldn’t have gone crazy on you like that. You were tortured for what, 70 years? I can’t stay mad at you for that, I mean, back in-” Tony’s words get stuck in his throat at the creeping memories of dark, cold and pain.“Back in Afghanistan I barely even lasted like two days before I…” Tony swallows. “Look- I’m sorry. For being hard on you.”

Barnes’ eyes widen.

“What are you-”

“Nuh! Uh! Shh! Let me finish!” Tony cuts in, and winces when Barnes visibly startles. “I’m not saying we go run off and get friendship bracelets or anything, but. I don’t hate you. HYDRA wanted my parents killed, and if it wasn’t you who did it, they would’ve ordered someone else to. So I don’t blame you for my parent’s deaths. I was an asshole to do that two years ago, and I’m sorry, okay?”

Tony’s heart is thumping loudly in his ears, from the dizzying exhilaration of finally getting to word-vomit the messy apology that had been stewing in his mind for too long. That, and also because he doesn’t know how Barnes will react.

Barnes blinks at him, but the act does nothing to stop the tears sliding down his face. He sniffs and shakes his head.

“No, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” His voice is unsteady with barely suppressed sobs. “It was still me that did it, my own hands. You had every right to be angry.”

Tony gives a tired smile, even as his chest twists with guilt. On the side, Steve doesn’t even bother trying to hide his pained expression at the sight of Bucky’s tears.

“Well, I’m not,” Tony says. “Not anymore. There wasn’t a point to staying angry at you. Got better things to do- suits to upgrade, Wakandan tech to play with, spiderlings to look out for…” He knows he’s rambling at this point, so he falls silent as he watches Barnes heave in shaky breaths while Steve rubs soothing circles on his back.

Eventually Steve leans in and says something to Barnes’ ear, to which makes Barnes straighten up. He gives Steve a parting hug, and nods at Tony after letting go. Barnes directs a final “don’t fuck this up” look at Steve, then walks away.

As Steve watches Bucky leave, he becomes acutely aware of the way his best friend had eased the discomfort of the silence hanging between him and Tony.

It’s a relief to see that Tony had forgiven Bucky. But if the way he is still refusing to look at Steve is any indication, then well… Steve can’t exactly blame Tony if he still hates him. Steve would understand if Tony never forgives him for what went down last time they saw each other. But at the same time, it’d feel wrong if he didn’t even attempt to mend bridges. Especially since for the first time in two years, they finally have a chance to talk.

“I thought that Earth lost its greatest defender,” Steve says before the silence can descend into awkwardness again. “But then it turns out that he went off to take care of the real problem. So thank you for saving the universe.”

Tony lightly scoffs at that and crosses his arms.

“Nah, that was mostly Gamora and Nebula. I helped, a little.” He finally looks at Steve, with a carefully neutral expression. “But you took care of things on your end too didn’t you?”

“Well,” Steve says. “That was mostly Wanda and Thor actually. But I guess I helped, a little.”

Tony lets out a small huff of laughter at that, and Steve can’t help the amused smile spreading across his face.

The silence between them is now companionable. Steve would like more than anything to bask in it a little longer, but he clears his throat.

“I’m sorry. For hurting you. And for hiding secrets from you.”

Tony is wearing an unreadable expression on his face, but he doesn’t say anything so Steve continues.

“I could’ve- This could’ve been avoided if I just told you about the stuff I found on Bucky from the SHIELD-HYDRA files. But I just- couldn’t. I thought it would be better if I didn’t. And I was wrong.”

Tony sighs and drops his arms.

“I’d be a hypocrite if I pretended that I didn’t do the same thing with Ultron. I knew you guys wouldn’t approve so I kept it all hush-hush. I thought that I’d show you after it was done, then I’d be proven right and you’d have nothing to complain about.”

Steve rubs his hand over his face. What a pair they make. No wonder it had taken so little for Zemo to tear apart the Avengers.

“And I guess…” he continues. “I also want to thank you for forgiving Bucky.”

Tony waves a hand dismissively.

“Like I’ve said, I’ve had some time to think on it.”

He glances over at Steve.

“But what are you gonna do now?”

It’s a loaded question, and they both know it. Being constantly on the run hasn’t been easy- it’s something that Nat had gotten used to while he and Sam kept pushing themselves forward, but he can see the toll it’s taking on Wanda, even without the additional tiptoeing she had to go through to see Vision. The Accords have diminished the Avengers in more ways than one, and Steve has to admit that they only won this fight against Thanos through pure luck. Things would be so much easier if they just worked together again, without the shadow of the Accords looming over their heads. And now the tentative thread of reconnection that he’s formed with Tony might get ruined again by the very thing that tore them apart.

“I don’t know,” Steve finally admits. “But… probably back to what I was doing before.” He shrugs. “There’s not much else a wanted criminal can do.”

For the first time since the conversation started, Tony looks him dead in the eyes.

“But you don’t have to be one.”

Steve sees the faint glimmer of barely concealed hope in Tony’s eyes, and suddenly it clicks. Of course- Tony doesn’t hate him. Or at least, not anymore. Somewhere along the way, he must’ve forgiven Steve as well. It makes sense now, the way Iron Man and the Avengers’ hunt for Captain America and the other ex-Avengers on Ross’ orders always seemed half-hearted at best. Tony’s always had a bigger heart than he’d let on.

“Tony, I- I’m sorry, I really am, but…” Something sinks in Steve’s chest at the way Tony’s expression begins closing off. “There’s no way things can go back to the way they used to be. The Accords- they’re gonna look at this-” He gestures in the direction where the group from Titan- the Guardians of the Galaxy, as they had introduced themselves as- are playfully competing to see which one of them can clear the most alien corpses. “-and see dangerous individuals who need to be controlled and contained, even though they helped save the universe.”

Tony exhales loudly.

“Well I think that given all the shit that just went down in the past 24 hours, they’re gonna have to update the Accords anyway. This whole thing’s gonna be a paperwork nightmare, but…” he trails off, and waves vaguely with a hand.

“Yeah,” Steve says, understanding what Tony’s too tired to articulate. Then, something suddenly crosses his mind.

“Loki and Bruce also said that Asgard’s been destroyed- there are escape pods filled with Asgardian refugees who were evacuated from the main ship after Thanos attacked. Chances are, they’re gonna be heading to Earth now that it’s safe.”

Tony blinks at that, then sucks in a breath and runs a hand over his face.

“Hoo boy I am not looking forward to that. Our government bigshots already get their panties in a twist when it’s refugees from a different country, but from an alien god planet? It’s gonna be a complete shitshow.”

Steve grimaces, because he knows Tony’s right.

“Well, at least Thor will be the one representing them, since he’s now their king,” Steve offers. That, and Thor has a track record of being charismatic and well-liked by the general public. Not that either of those things had helped Steve much at all, but he can only hope that things will turn out better for his friend. After all, he can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to be forced to flee your own planet.

“Then will you be sticking around to help?”

Steve is aware of the way Tony is watching carefully for his reaction. He turns his gaze towards the devastated Wakandan fields, at everyone who is helping with the cleanup. He imagines standing with them, giving a statement to the general public on the intergalactic war that had taken place right under their noses. He looks at where Thor is laughing with the Guardians as he joins in with their games, and tries to imagine the myriad of ways in which the international governments would object to their very presence on Earth, would object to the Asgardian refugees on Earth. His mind is already spinning with counter-arguments for each and every one of them. He looks at the other Avengers scattered throughout the field, at the way they’ve seamlessly clicked back together as if they were never separated in the first place. He looks at where Princess Shuri is chattering excitedly with the young spider boy, and he looks at where the raccoon had broken off from the Guardians to speak to Bucky about something which makes his best friend frown.

Steve looks back at Tony. He’s not quite smiling, but it’s close.

“Maybe.”

He’ll see where things go from here.

[samwrights]

Homesick // Pt 7

Summary: Tony and Pepper’s daughter Madelyn just graduated from Midtown School of Science and Technology. Without her parents knowledge, she managed to land an internship with her dad’s business to keep her busy over the summer and to prepare her for what she wants to do with her future. But she isn’t the only one with a Stark Enterprises internship—and now she’s stuck working with some overly excited ongoing sophomore named Peter Parker.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Pairing: Stark!Daughter x Peter (OC) Words: 3,518 Loop: Drugs // EDEN You’re So Last Summer // Taking Back Sunday

I got way too many routes to take to make this all just go away. VII.

It was the third week of June. Elly had finally completed the Spider-Suit and, after some fine tuning tweaks from her father, it was finally packed away for Peter to use. Her dad and him had flown off to Germany for some big Avengers mission involving the Sokovia Accords. In his absence, he had been video calling Elly and keeping a small video diary as much as he could. Currently, Happy Hogan was rushing him into his hotel room while telling him to suit up. The very disgruntled Happy brought Peter to the common space of his hotel room upon seeing him in his ragtag hoodie and tights, revealing a large metal suitcase. He gave the young Spider-Man two minutes to get changed into his long awaited suit. Atop the silver suitcase was a small, handwritten note that read, “A minor upgrade for you, babe” with MJS signed in beautiful calligraphy. In his mind, he could hear her sarcastic tone and all he wanted in this moment was to call her and show her what the suit looked like on. However, he was once again being ushered by Happy and he never got the chance.

Elly was currently sitting at home trying her best to be productive, but she was just so bored. With her dad being gone, she was technically free from work. She answered office phone calls, despite not having to, and nearly all of those calls ended up in her taking a message since she was unsure of her when her father would return. She cleaned the fourth and fifth floors that belonged to the Stark family time and time again. Elly had drawn up more upgrades for Iron Man and Spider-Man and even humored herself in making her own rendition of an Iron Man suit for herself that she had wanted to show to her dad and boyfriend. But aside from that, she felt she was lacking inspiration and creativity. She was bored and she was missing Peter.

Their days were full of such laughter that lifted up Elly’s spirits that felt she had felt as if something were missing while he was gone. Every morning, she would pick him up to start their work day. They would spend their lunch together, talking about the progress and processes of their internship. Their nights were spent playing video games or watching movies together in the Stark family home theater. Every day seemed to start and end with Peter, and not knowing when he was going to be back was killing her. Since his departure, Elly often found herself curled up on the couch alone watching TV or a variety of YouTube videos serving as background noise as she sipped on tea with her leather bound sketchbook in her lap while she continued designs for her own suit. Tonight was one of those nights. Her eyes were dancing with fatigue as they fought to focus on the current episode of Stranger Things that she was attempting to watch. Sleep seemed to be winning until her phone started blaring the last verse of Taking Back Sunday’s “You’re So Last Summer”, signifying Peter was finally able to call. As soon as she answered, he was babbling away in excitement.

“Elly! Elly, oh my god the most amazing thing happened to me. So your dad was all like ‘Hey, underoos!’ and I just kind of flipped in and was like ‘sup everybody’ and I stole Captain America’s shield and—hey just a second! Coming!” Peter literally had not taken a breath since Elly picked up the video chat, and she wondered how on earth he could talk so fast, let alone do a back flip off of his bed while he was laying on his stomach. Elly was able to see Happy enter his room in a robe, gripe about the thin walls before disappearing from her view again. Peter rushed back to his phone, his vibrant smile still glued to his face. “Anyway, thank you so much for the suit Elly, it’s awesome. I would have called you sooner but I didn’t get a chance to.” She chuckled softly at his uncontainable elation.

“It’s fine, Peter. So you stole uncle Steve’s shield. What else happened today?” He began giving Elly a run down of everything she had missed. She tried her best to picture everyone that was there, though a couple of descriptions sounded unfamiliar. She gather her uncle Clint was also a part of the battle, which made her just a little melancholy. She hadn’t seen him or his family in a while, and now she was questioning when the next time would even be. When Peter got to the part in the story where he tangled some giant guy’s legs like in Empire Strikes Back, Elly was shaking with laughter.

“That’s pretty funny. I can’t wait to see all of the videos you took in Germany.”

“I can’t wait until we go home. I miss you.” The vivacious conversation had died down with those words—reality setting in and bringing them the realization that this is the longest they had been apart.

“I miss you too. Any idea when you and dad are going to be back?”

“I-I’m not sure yet. I’d talk to him but he’s been pretty tense since Captain America got away.” A soft, disappointed sigh left Elly’s lips.

“I don’t doubt that. I wish I was with you guys instead. I’m so freakin’ bored.” Elly had picked up the art of diversion from her father, learning to immediately change the subject to something inclusive instead of sad.

“Germany would have been awesome to see with you.”

“We’ll go, one day.” Another thing she had learned from her dad—explore the world as often as possible. Though this exact scenario wasn’t quite what he meant, she had only learned through observation. Any time Tony was out somewhere without Pepper, he always promised to take her back there. They talked some more, mostly one what Elly had been doing while the men in her life were away, which felt like a whole lot of nothing. “I’m gonna go to bed, babe. I can hardly keep my eyes open.”

“Aw, okay. I miss you, and I’ll see you soon, okay love? Good night.”

“Night, Peter.” Elly ended the call, hoping the video screen cut off before he could see her rising blush. Him calling her love as he had been the past week made her heart swell and burst. Deciding to crash on the couch, like she had been doing since the Towers been empty, she closed her eyes once again.

Elly awoke the next morning with a crick in her neck, most likely from sleeping on the couch. First thing she did was check her phone; Peter had sent her nearly a dozen photos of him running around Germany with her dad, each photo bringing a smile to her lips. She started her day as normal—eating breakfast, getting a good work out in the training room, and headed up to the lab to work on her private project. The miniature suit Elly had created for herself was over halfway completed. All that was left was the chest plate and helmet, with the latter being the most time consuming piece she was going to need. “I’m home, honey!” Elly hadn’t realized the elevator doors opened until she saw Tony walking towards her. The first thing she noticed was the scrapes and bruises all over her dad. “What’s wrong?” He asked very carefully, taking note of the perplexed look on his daughter’s face.

“D-dad? W-what happened to you?” Tony became very quiet, his lips pursed as if he were in pain.

“Rogers happened. I told him I was trying to keep us all together, he chose his friend. He didn’t choose us, he didn’t choose you like we chose him. I’m sorry, honey.” Elly nodded in understanding before wrapping her arms around her dad’s torso, a singular tear streaming down her face at the harsh truth. She understood how much this hurt him, as well as her.

“You’ve got me and mom, dad.” She mumbled into his chest.

“Nah, I got you kiddo.” Tony hugged his daughter back as tight as he possibly could. They stood in their embrace in the absence of sound until he pulled away, looking at Elly’s workspace. “So I see you started a project. What on earth have you been doing?” There was her dad’s master deflection skills shining through. He picked up her leather bound sketchbook that Peter had given her what felt like ages ago. His eyes landed on the junior Iron Man designs. “What, you want to be just like dad?” Tony joked.

“Pshh, I would be way cooler than Iron Man.” Elly had walked up beside him, proudly showing the sketches she had worked on. Tony tapped his fingers on his chin.

“I don’t know, Iron Girl or Iron Lady would never sound right.” He teased.

“I mean, mom was named Rescue and I loved that.” The slightest frown touched her dad’s lips. It became obvious then that Elly was missing her mom, causing Tony’s guilt to resurface.

“Peacekeeper.” Was all Tony said. Elly raised her eyebrows at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain further. “You always kept the peace between me and your mother, a-and it’s my fault she’s not here.” Silence blanketed over them. Elly had never seen her dad in such a vulnerable state, and she almost felt the need to coddle him.

“Dad…where is she?” Elly inquired quietly.

“We’re on a break.” Tony replied earnestly after a brief pause. “She asked me to stop being Iron Man; that I need to be here more for you and her. But I don’t want to stop—I can’t stop trying to protect you two.” His head hung ever so slightly in shame at the admission.

“I get it, pops. Mom will come around, I promise.”

“Yeah? Can you guarantee that?”

“Yeah, knowing mom? I definitely can.”

Later that night, Tony and Elly had a peaceful, intimate dinner. As much as Elly wanted to go see Peter, she knew her dad needed her company now more than ever. She needed it too. The father and daughter shared many laughs, ending their night playing on their virtual reality gaming consoles in their living room and forgetting the pain they were sharing. After the system was turned off, they sat without speaking to each other and allowed tension to fill the room. “Can I ask you something?” Asked Elly. Her voice was calm and confident despite the nerves that filled her stomach.

“Of course, honey. What’s up?” Tony felt anxious too. He loved spending time with his daughter, but the way she spoke was a very avid reminder of her mother. Pepper always sounded threatening when she opened conversation with such a vague question.

“Let’s have honesty hour.” She declared. “You said you and mom were on a break. I-is it in any way my fault?” The question left Tony stunned.

“Of course not, Elly. It’s mine and I know it is. Your mother and I are working on our own problems, or rather my problems. She just wants us to be a normal family.” He was rambling, unsure of how to speak his truth.

“What do you want?” She asked.

“I want it too. That’s why we were a family up until now.”

“We are a family, dad. We’re just in a rough patch.”

“That’s…that’s not how your mom feels right now. She thinks I can’t be dad and Iron Man too.”

“You’ve been doing it for the last eight years, and we’ve been fine.”

“Tell your mom that.” He muttered, feeling defeated. How his seventeen year-old daughter was giving him such a mature, stern talking to was beyond him. “But enough about that, it’s my turn to parent you. How are you and Parker?”

“We’re really good, actually. He thanked me for the suit; he called every night that he could while you guys were in Germany.”

“I had a talk with him on the way back home.” Elly looked at him, slightly mortified. “Nothing bad, honey. You seem…happier since you two started dating. I told him not to blow it—I don’t know what I would do if your heart got broken again.” Too late for that, Elly thought to herself. She stayed quiet, thinking of how Peter and her dad were the only salvation she had in her current state. She was still hurting from the absence of her mom and late best friend, learning that her pseudo-family was falling apart, and the newly revealed information of her godfather and dad’s best friend Rhodey being paralyzed from the waist down. Over the course of dinner, Tony had told her of Colonel Rhodes’ injuries, and that was her breaking point. It felt as if her world was crumbling very slowly.

“I-I’m trying really hard, dad. To not be upset over everything that’s going on but, I-I miss mom and I feel like she’s not here because of me. And Uncle Steve…he’s like family, or was. We all considered him to be family, and he chose Bucky over us. And Uncle Rhodey’s crippled because of it. It’s so much.” Elly was doing her best to hold back sobs, the words falling from her tongue allowed her to acknowledge the situation as reality. As much as it hurt, she needed to prove she was strong to her father.

“I know, kid, life kind of sucks right now. But you will always have me and your mom to turn to, even if she isn’t here. She also didn’t leave because of you,” Tony reiterated, choosing his next words carefully. “If anything, she left for you, if that makes sense.”

“Not at all.” Elly gave an awkward chuckle to emphasize her confusion.

“Your mom doesn’t want you to see her in a vulnerable state right now. Even though she’s one of the strongest women I know, I mean she deals with me, after all.” The Starks shared boisterous laughter, knowing that Tony spoke only the truth.

“Dad…do you love mom?” Elly knew she was treading into murky waters, but by declaration of honest hour, she hoped her dad would answer.

“Hell yeah I do.” He responded without a moments hesitation.

“So how come you two never got married?”

“It just never seemed like the right time. I was planning on proposing when Rhodey and I got back from Washington that one year, and it almost felt…wrong. I wanted to make sure that you two were safe before officially announcing that the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist Tony Stark was married.”

“And you just kept waiting for the right moment…” Elly figured. Tony nodded in agreement, pursing his lips in discomfort. It felt strange, talking to his seventeen year-old daughter about his feelings. It also made him feel lighter. “The right moment never comes, dad. You have to make it the right moment.”

“Gross, when did you get wise? How many romantic novels have you been reading?” He joked.

“You and your stupid deflections, pops!” Tony just laughed before patting his child on her shoulder. As the laughter died down, he took a turn to look at Elly fully. There was no more lighthearted laughter on his face.

“So now let me ask you, do you love Parker?” Unintentionally, her eyes widened and her jaw slackened, trying to put up some form of protest. Words never came out and it was then Tony had his answer. He wanted her to say it—to fully admit to someone else than just herself to prove a point.

“I-I do.” She whispered.

“I know you do. But it doesn’t become real until you say it out loud. Just like how I love your mom.” He repeated, furthering driving his point home. A barely noticeable smirk twitched on his lips, satisfied with his parenting done for the day. “Let’s get some sleep, kiddo. I gotta go check on Rhodey tomorrow, but sometime this week, let’s work on your suit?”

“Sounds good. Good night, I love you. And tell Uncle Rhodey I say hi.”

“Night, honey. Love you too.”

Tony was gone the next morning, probably off to see Rhodey. That meant she had the day off again, but the time she spent with her dad inspired her to be productive. She didn’t have much left to do on her suit and she wanted to finish as much as she could so they could test it out together. After making herself her morning iced coffee, she headed up to the empty lab. Elly got to work with renewed vigor, finishing her chest plate in under an hour. “Ms. Stark, incoming call from Spider-Boy.” A.A.R.O.N announced.

“Put it throught.” Peter’s face popped up on her lab screen, bright sunlight illuminating his features while her hands were still keeping busy.

“Hey, Elly! I had May drop me off today. Are you up in the lab?” From what she could tell, he was walking into the tower, his backpack slung over his shoulders as always.

“Yeah, I’m up here. But you know there’s no internship today, right? It’s just me here.”

“Oh, y-yeah. I know, I figured that was okay but I guess I should have asked you if I could come over first.” Peter stopped in his tracks as he entered the lobby of the compound, the excitement he once had diminishing. Elly could see his crestfallen features, immediately filling her with guilt.

“N-no, that’s not what I meant! I-I just didn’t want you to expect to have training with Nat or something. But come on up, I have a surprise for you.” The line went dead, leaving Peter to his solidarity as he made his way up to the lab. He’d come to know that surprises from Elly were typically a good thing, and anxiety no longer came to him when she said she had one for him. When he exited the elevator, he was presented with an Iron Man suit that was dark blue and gold.

“W-what is this?” Peter asked with half a laugh in amazement.

“A little project I’ve been working on while you’ve been away. What do you think?” Elly walked towards him, the clinking of her jet boots resonating in the empty lab. The incomplete helmet covering her head retracted, and Peter was finally presented with the face of the girl he had been missing.

“That is amazing!” He exclaimed as Elly grabbed her wrist to retract her suit. His arms wrapped around his girlfriend who was left in only a long tank top that covered the shorts she was wearing underneath. “I missed you so much.” Said Peter before pressing a warm kiss to her forehead.

“I missed you too. Now you have got to show me the video diary from your trip!” The two laughed, each taking a seat at her workspace and began watching his little home movie on her mini projector screen. They spent the rest of the day together; Peter helped her engineer the rest of her helmet, grabbed a bunch of snacks throughout their time together and filled their night with love and laughter. Day eventually gave way to night and the two ended their evening sitting on the roof of the Tower, looking at the twinkling lights of the city. “Peter? Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, of course, Elly.” He said with confidence. Similar to her saying she had a surprise, her saying she had a question to start a conversation no longer filled his gut with anxiety.

“What are we going to do when I start college?”

“W-what do you mean?” He had spoken too soon. While he knew this talk was bound to happen, he hadn’t expected it to be so soon. They’d been together for less than a month and he’d just gotten back from Germany—he thought he had at least until the end of the summer.

“I mean, you’re sixteen and going to be a sophomore in high school and I’m going to be eighteen in less than two months and a freshman in college. A-and I wouldn’t ever want to keep our relationship a secret because that’s not fair to you but if someone were to find out that Tony Stark’s daughter was dating someone that wasn’t the legal age of consent, who knows what could happen and—“ Somewhere in the last couple of months they had spent together, Elly had adopted Peter’s habit for rambling when nervous, as she was doing now. But he cut her off, instantly recognizing what she was doing.

“Let’s just…cross that bridge when we get there? I don’t want to think about that right now.” Elly closed her mouth tightly, but ultimately agreed in the form of a nod. He was right; they still had time and they should enjoy it. Little did she know, the inevitable end never left Peter’s mind.

TAG LIST

@xxoerinnoxx @maddieisaacs @araeni @iwillbesmall-promise​