#AND I LOVE HOW IT SEEMS LIKE JANUS IS JUST FUCKING WITH PATTON BUT HE GENUINELY THOUGHT THAT GIFT THROUGH AND PATTON LOVED IT

[nandysparadox]

i loved the new video i needed that

[lefaystrent]

Florida Man Cannot Be Contained

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: platonic dlampr

Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Remus is not the menace of the friend group.

It's Patton.

-------------------------------------------------------

The six of them were hanging out for the first time.

More accurately, Logan had recently been absorbed into Virgil's friend group.

They've had classes together over a few semesters. Logan's majoring in Chemical Engineering, and Virgil's majoring in Forensic Science, so there's some overlap and a lot of shared interests. While he appreciated Virgil's clever-streak and conversational merit, Logan never would have offered to spend time together outside of the classroom. He convinced himself he didn't need extracurriculars, like friendship.

"Come meet my friends, nerd," Virgil ordered after class one day.

And that was that.

On their way to a pizza joint outside of campus, Logan observed the others. They were loud, obnoxious, flamboyant, and below his intelligence. His mother would never approve.

Logan vindictively liked them.

"Oh my gosh, I love your new bag, Janus!"

"Thank you, it's Prada."

"I didn't know they sold Prada at Goodwill."

"....they do now."

Virgil maneuvered himself to be his social buffer. He kept close by Logan's elbow, and muttered meanings to inside jokes and slang to him when Logan so much as raised a brow. At some point, he stopped in his tracks.

"What is it?" Logan asked, halting beside him. The rest of the group drifted slowly past them, the gait of their walk unhurried. Everyone was too busy enjoying gossiping.

Except Patton. He had this wild look in his eyes and he began to shuffle off the sidewalk. His lips pressed together tight as if he were holding back a grin.

"Patton, man, don't," Virgil told him, but Patton wasn't looking at him. He stole glances at Roman, making sure that the other was too caught up in conversation with his brother to pay attention to him. He took a few steps to the right into the grass near a house. Then he took off.

Roman, catching on too late, noticed the man run with a strange mixture of dawning horror and exasperated suffering. "Pat– Patton. Pat, please– don't you DARE, GET BACK HERE!" He tossed his bag to Remus halfway through and took off in a dead sprint.

"What is happening?" Logan asked.

"Patton's a lunatic," Virgil sighed. Janus sighed as well and Remus spurred Patton on with whoops.

Patton hightailed it into the backyard of the random house and unceremoniously belly flopped into the pool. Roman jumped in right behind, barely pausing to shuck off his shoes in time, the sneakers flying through the air.

"Does he often trespass?" Logan questioned. "I'm not bothered, just curious."

"Only when there are pools involved. He does it so Roman will save him."

"Why would he need saving?"

"The idiot can't swim."

Out in the pool, Logan can make out some of Roman's nonplussed yelling after he resurfaced with an armful of Patton. Patton, for his part, seemed endlessly pleased with himself.

"My hero!" Patton gushed and began fawning over Roman, much to his chagrin.

Then the homeowner came out and Janus concocted an outlandish story consisting of how Patton fell into the pool totally by accident.

"This is the third time this week," the homeowner accused.

"And to that I say..." Janus paused. He took off his hat, held it to his chest, opened his mouth to elaborate–

And ran the fuck away.

"There he goes," Remus whistles. "How I hate to see it, how I love to watch it."

Roman sat at the pool's edge, arms resting on his knees and absolutely soaked. "You're grounded," he told Patton sitting beside him.

Patton beamed with pride. Virgil tried to hide behind his hands.

"Please just leave," the homeowner requested.

They quickly made themselves scarce.

[prodigal-explorer]

something that makes me so angry is that when janus fully admitted to roman that he used and manipulated him and that he’s only kind to roman when he’s using him, NOBODY CARED. patton still was jumping at the opportunity to be janus’ friend, even though janus just blatantly admitted to essentially ruining roman’s life for his own gain. like yes janus was the one who did the bad thing so he’s the main one at fault but i just can’t get over how patton didn’t give a FUCK.

it really shows how much patton cares about roman (barely at all whatsoever). janus said it right in front of patton and patton saw roman’s reaction and still didn’t care. what kind of friend just ignores such a horrible thing??

i get that maybe patton just wanted janus to feel accepted but that’s not an excuse. he literally didn’t acknowledge roman’s situation. he didn’t care at all, not even a little bit, that roman had been suffering. and it’s so uneven because roman sacrificed his entire livelihood for patton’s sake. roman constantly has to deal with giving up what he wants so patton gets what he wants. patton guilt trips roman and treats him like he’s some spoiled and bratty child and roman just takes it because he loves patton. clearly, patton doesn’t seem to love him as much back.

sorry guys patton is a shitty friend. i said it. and you can disagree if you want it’s totally okay to be wrong.

[dndeceit]

Fander Fic Rec Friday (#7)

Remus' Brilliant Plan by CrystalHavoc Canonverse (Moceit, Intrulogical, Intruality...technically) Rating: M Remus is bored, horny, annoyed with Virgil, fed up with being ignored by Logan, and amused by Janus's crush on a certain father figment. Obviously, the answer to all of these problems is the same simple solution: He needs to have sex with Patton. Notes: This one is so fucking funny, I don't even know where to start. The plot runs on Remus logic from beginning to end, and it takes you along for the ride the whole way.

Game nights are fun by Theshycreeper Canonverse (Gen) Rating: G If you invite the Dark Sides to game night, there is one game you must never let them play... Notes: I don't want to spoil it. This one is short but so, so funny.

to be honest, capable (of holding you) by angelsdemonsducks Canonverse (Gen) Rating: T Janus can't just show vulnerability like a normal person. (But apparently he can manage it as a snake?) Notes: Or, Janus runs hot and cold-blooded, but Thomas puts the effort into figuring him out anyway. (Along the way there are cuddles.)

Lies Have Never Tasted So Sweet by Izzyfandoms Soulmate AU (Janmile) Rating: T Every soul bond manifests differently. Emile's simply gives him the ability to know when his soulmate is lying. He's not sure how they'll manage to meet that way, but one thing he does know: his soulmate lies a lot. Notes: I'm not much of a shipper, but this is a rare pair I have a fondness for, and this one is pretty cute.

my desired by Hypenotized Fantasy AU (DLAMP) Rating: E Four villages sacrifice their "undesirables" as payment for a bargain with a fearsome naga. (Unbeknownst to these unwilling sacrifices, the naga's dastardly plan is to spoil his new companions within an inch of their lives.) Notes: One of the rare Explicit fics in my bookmarks, because I've got a soft spot for Naga!ceit. Despite the set up it's all fluffy consensual (kinky) fun.

He's My Alibi by FeelingGroovySmooth Serial Killer AU (Intruality) Rating: T Patton loves his husband, but it'd be much easier to ignore his illicit hobbies if he could actually clean up after himself... Notes: Just a fluffy, twisted bit of Intruality.

WIP

One Swallow by FlowerMeat Vampire AU (Dukeceit) Rating: M On he eve of his brother's wedding, Remus meets an intriguing stranger in the family cemetery. His stranger seems just as intrigued by him. Notes: Or, Janus is a sexy vampire, and yet Remus still manages to steal every single scene.

Summoning the Second Chance by TheFrenchPea Fantasy AU (DLAMP) Rating: Not Rated In dire straits, a group of lovers make a desperate attempt to improve their situation by summoning a mysterious entity. For better or worse, they are now at the being's mercy. Notes: So far each of the chapters have been very interesting. Definitely off to an intriguing start.

they say that it gets better (but i guess that was a lie) by Cicadas_on_a_rainy_day Canonverse (Gen) Rating: Not Rated/T Thomas starts paying closer attention to some of Remus's behavior, which leads to unexpected, painful repercussions for everyone else in the Mindscape. Notes: Updating as a series of Whumptober prompts. It's also Remus-centric, so approach with an eye to the tags. Some great character moments, and exploration of how the Sides function within Thomas's mind. (The series summary promises an eventual happy ending, and I'm clinging to that.)

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Change | Changing

Basically I love all of your Roman angst especially the one where Roman and Logan go to the rage room because you captured their dynamic so well and in a way that a lot of other writers don’t. So! On that note! What if Logan is thinking about how Roman always seems to brace himself before talking to Patton, and Roman tells him that their relationship isn’t as bubbly as it seems (because I always see Royality referred to as the sunshine couple haha). Specifically how Patton interacts with Remus, or how he (and Janus) react to Roman trying to come out, etc. – anon

Ok ok ok, so I know you basically just posted Change, but I’m already obsessed.. Can I perhaps request a part 2 where Roman struggles with asking for help(taking care of himself, working on projects, etc) and the others try their best(and maybe make mistakes) to help him? – anon

okay ik it’s been less than a day, and i don’t know if you’re still taking requests, but i would LOVE to see a part two to change. it was so touching to me, and i just want to see roman comforted so bad. thank you and no pressure !! – anon

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: internalized homophobia, bullying, implied/referenced abuse

Pairings: none

Word Count: 7329

Roman is over the top, bombastic, and enthusiastic. He is prone to fits of passion and emotional outbursts. Such is the nature of Creativity. But the others...don't like that. They aren't exactly ambiguous about it either. Or, Roman struggles to walk the line between being himself and being something the others can tolerate. It gets far worse before it gets any better. But it does get a little better.

"Hey, Princey?"

Roman nearly snaps his pencil in half as he shoves the notebook into the couch cushions.

"Whoa," Virgil mutters, holding his hands up as Roman whips his head around to look at him, "easy, Princey, it's just me."

He doesn't move.

"Right, fuck." He takes a deep breath and makes an effort to soften his expression. "Uh, hi, Roman. I was, uh, what're you doing?"

"Nothing."

There's a soft popping sound and Janus appears, turning to look at him. He swallows heavily and pushes the notebook further into the bowels of the couch. Several expressions flicker across Janus's face before he settles on a deep sigh. "Good morning, Roman."

"Hi."

"Would you like to explain what's going on?"

"N-no." His heart thuds in his ears. The pencil groans in his hands. "I didn't do anything."

"I'm not saying you did, sweetie."

"I really don't think he did, J, I just, uh, I spooked him."

"I can see that."

They're doing the thing where they talk about him like he's not here. As much as it makes his skin crawl, it does mean he has a better chance of slipping away. At least he would if they both weren't looking at him like that.

"Did you need me to do something, Virgil?"

"What? Oh, uh, no, Princey, I, uh…" He scratches the back of his head. "I just, um…shit."

Janus looks between the two of them, toying with a seam at the end of his glove. Before Roman can summon up the courage to say something, anything, even a lie that Janus might not call him out on, he hears footsteps on the stairs.

"Oh, well, this is a party, isn't it?" Patton's voice floats into the room. "What're we doing?"

The sight of Logan appearing behind him is enough to snap the rubber band in Roman's chest. He snatches the other notebook from the coffee table and sinks into his room, shoving a chair underneath the door handle and yanking open the door to his closet, huddling in the dark with his precious cargo clutched to his chest. His breaths ring out in the dark, cramped space and it soon grows muggy and stuffy from the force of it. The notebooks wheeze in his grip. He closes his eyes and presses his forehead to the spiral until he's sure it's left a mark on his forehead.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid Roman, letting himself give into those urges again. Why did he run away? Now they're all going to be talking about him again, like he's still something they have to work on, not like he's a person with needs and boundaries that they just keep pushing in ways that he can't deal with. Not now, not like this, not when he's holding what's basically his heart in his hands and they're right there looking at it. If he were working on Thomas's things, it'd be different, because he knows how to get flayed for those, he has practice with that, but not with this.

Well, Roman, he hears Logan's voice in the back of his head say, if you didn't want anyone to know about it or ask about it, you wouldn't have been working on it in a public space.

Maybe you all could fuck off and leave me be and let me do whatever I want, how about that? But he won't say that, even though he wants to, because they would never let him get away with being angry out loud like that. Not Roman, not like that, not about this. So he ran because it was easier in the short term even though he knows, he knows they're going to rip him to shreds about it later.

***

He was right.

"We just want to understand, kiddo," Patton's saying, like Virgil can't hear the way Roman's trying not to heave his lungs out of his throat, "it—I understand that it made you feel upset when Virgil asked you what you were doing, but do you get why it was a little hurtful that you just ran away without answering him at all?"

He just nods silently. He really didn't mean to hurt Virgil, but honestly Virgil wasn't really the problem. It was the fact that everyone else came at once and they were all standing around him and he was curled up on the couch with his hands shoved into the cushions like they could hide his soul from them because he didn't want to be hurt and it wasn't ready to breathe around someone that wasn't him.

"Roman? Kiddo? Are you listening to me?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Can you tell me what happened?"

He swallows. This is a trap. It almost always is. "I was working. Virgil startled me. I…I lied about what I was doing and Janus appeared."

"Why did you lie?"

"Because he was scared, Pat," Virgil breaks in. Patton looks away for a second and Roman can breathe again. "He lied because he was scared. Honestly, I think if any of us had spooked him and asked what he was doing I would've gotten summoned because he was scared."

"Oh." Patton looks back at him. "I…I wish you wouldn't be scared of us, kiddo."

Do you think I want to be scared of you? Do you think I'm doing this on purpose? Do you think that when I woke up this morning I went 'yeah, I'm gonna be so scared of the people who are supposed to be my family that I'm gonna run away whenever they so much as talk to me?' Is that what you think is going on?

But Roman can't say that, so he just bows his head and tries not to let Patton see the anger that escapes to flicker over his face.

"Can you tell us what it was now? Now that you know Virgil's not going to hurt you or anything?"

"I didn't think he was going to hurt me."

"That's good! He's not gonna do it now either, and neither am I."

"I know."

Patton grins and raises his eyebrows like he's waiting for something. He is. He's waiting for Roman to tell him what he was working on. Behind him, he can see Virgil making a face.

"You don't have to tell us, Princey. It's cool. I was, uh, I was just looking for something to talk about. We, um, there's a new map on the co-op game that I was gonna tell you about."

"Oh, that sounds fun!" Patton gestures between them. "Why don't you two go play it?"

"Now?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Uh, sure, Princey, if you're up for it. We can, uh, we can go do it in the game room."

"…sure."

"That'll be fun. You two kiddos can tell us all about it at dinner." Patton grins and reaches out to pat Roman on the shoulder and Roman manages to make himself stand still for it. "Have a good time, okay?"

Roman nods wordlessly as he sinks out with Virgil. They appear in the corner of the library with bean bags and the game stuff. Virgil scratches the back of his head.

"I, uh, I'm sorry, Princey. I really didn't mean to make this such a big deal. We don't have to play right now if you don't want to."

"It's fine. It's not your fault. And I want to play."

"You sure? I can always tell Pat we tried and then changed our minds—"

"No. Let's play."

Virgil still eyes him as he sets it up, as if he could tell better than Roman if he really has the capacity to do something like this right now, but eventually they both just sit down and boot the game and play the new map.

It's fun. The mechanics are still frustrating when they don't work right. The graphics are good and the art style still makes Roman think of that one place in the Imagination where the rocks sit very close together on the coast and the water glimmers from the cracks in between them when the waves wash up near the grass. Virgil doesn't try to talk about anything other than the game while they play. In the pit of his stomach, slowly growing, is the certainty that he's going to be asked about this later and he's going to have to talk about it.

"Hey," Virgil says quietly when they're waiting for a loading screen to finish, "uh, I don't wanna freak you out again or anything, but I can…I can tell you're worrying about something right now."

"It's fine."

A pause as the Imagination ripples. Janus can't detect any lies in here, which means he can't be summoned because of one, and technically it wasn't a lie. Roman is fine right now. Virgil coughs into his hand.

"Just letting you know that if you want to talk or have me listen to stuff, I will."

"Thanks."

The screen finishes loading and they keep playing.

***

There are many castles in the Imagination, not just the main fairytale one near the big double door entrance and Remus's tall black tower on his side. One of them, nestled in the dip of the mountains near the edge of the crystal lake is an expanse of soft grey stone, almost perpetually lit by lavender skies and a pale pink moon. The underwater caverns are nearby, after all, and due to the way the clouds form from the heat during the day, they only clear at night when the air cools off. Long gardens frame the clear streams that cover the castle's grounds, filled with flowering trees and small ornamental shrubs. The evening finds Roman tending carefully to one of the small ponds near the northern end of the walking paths, carefully fishing out the fallen twigs and weeds. Moonlight shimmers off the surface as the bag at his side slowly fills. The cool water is a mercy on his hands, still tingling and achy from the day before.

Logan gave them all a presentation on how emotions can manifest physically in the body once. Virgil talked about how Thomas holds his stress in certain parts of himself and Patton added how sometimes he'll get sore when Thomas is feeling a lot. Roman didn't bring up the fact that he gets bruised as the Ego too, because they would've made jokes about it—and given him more bruises—but he thought about it a lot in the few days afterwards because he needed a way to make the bruises go away without the others noticing them.

As he dips his hand into the water again, he lets his breathing get a little shaky as the water laps at his knuckles and palm. It's not like a burn, where the skin is hot and achy and throbbing, but it's the same sort of heat. Where he's just sort of hurting and it makes him hot and gross and he just wants it out of him. He's wearing short sleeves tonight, so he doesn't feel too bad about dipping his arm in all the way to the elbow, letting the water wash the vulnerable skin on the underside of his forearm. The sensation of something just there leaves him breathless for a moment, before it shudders out of him again. It laps against the vein in the crook of his elbow and his eyes grow heavy for a moment. A warm breeze blows over the back of his neck and he closes his eyes. The juxtaposition between the warm and cold parts of him make it a little easier to clench and unclench his fingers.

He opens his eyes again. As he moves his arm gently back and forth, the reflection of the moon distorts and coalesces, breaking apart and reforming as easily as, well, as water flowing over stones. He does it a few more times, just enjoying the way the water feels, before he pulls his arm out and dries it on his shirt. He reaches for another fallen twig and puts it in the bag.

The others don't know about this castle. They don't know about this dip in the mountains, they don't know about this garden, they don't know about this pond.

He switches the bag to his other side and dips his other arm in the cool water.

***

"Well, I think that's everything I have," Logan says, adjusting his glasses, "is there anything else?"

"Nope!" Remus bounces on the balls of his feet. "Can't wait to get started!"

"Let's hear from everyone else, Remus, before we do that, but I love your enthusiasm."

"Aw, thanks, Pat-Pat."

Patton giggles and glances at the others. Virgil shrugs and Janus makes a slightly offhand waving gesture. Logan looks at Roman who quickly looks down at the sheet of notes in front of him. He tries to read over them again but the letter swim until the page just looks like it's covered in squiggles.

"Roman? You okay, kiddo?"

"Yes."

Janus doesn't quite hiss, but he must do something to signal to Patton and Logan that he's lying. "Roman, if you've got a question, you can ask it."

Trap. Trap. That is a trap and I do not want to be scolded right now. "I'm just thinking about it. You know, I—these are things that I'm gonna do so I'm just…thinking."

"You just gave these to us," Remus adds and Roman leans into him without thinking about it, "you gotta let the brain juices brain juice for a bit before we're gonna have much of anything."

"But you just said you couldn't wait to get started?"

"Yeah, me, Pat, 'cause that's how my brain juices juice. I gotta go start throwing stuff at walls. Ro's not like me, Ro's like Ro. So you gotta let him be like Ro."

"I see," Patton says in the indulgent-not-indulgent tone that always makes Roman's ears ring, "well—"

"How about this: I have a few other things I need to go and work on," Logan says, "and then if Roman has anything he'd like to talk about, he can come and find me later?"

"Yes," Roman blurts out before anyone else can say anything, "yeah, that'd be—that'd be good, thanks, Logan."

"Of course. Come knock on my door whenever you'd like, alright?"

"Great, that's all settled!" Remus's hand is warm and solid on his shoulder. "Bye!"

He sinks them out and into Roman's room, quickly wrapping his arm around Roman's waist as they sit heavily on the ground. Roman's breath catches slightly in his throat and he quickly tosses the notes onto his desk before he can mess them up. That awful curdling feeling in his stomach wriggles and writhes and Remus pulls him to his chest.

"Hey, hey, Ro, it's over now. It's over now, we're in your room, it's just me."

Roman squeezes his eyes shut and turns to burrow into Remus's hold. Remus lets him do it without complaint. He won't get in trouble for being a mess around Remus. Remus won't care. Remus will be happy if he's being a mess because then it means he's not holding it in and hurting himself and Remus can actually help him. He won't be mad if Roman's messy or upset right now. He stood up for Roman when it was getting bad again. He got the others to leave him alone at least for long enough that they could get out. But isn't that running? Didn't Roman just make Remus help him run away? Isn't that just as bad as him running away by himself? Is he going to be in trouble for that too?

"Hey, Roro," comes Remus's voice in his ear, "stay with me. Come give me a cuddle, okay? Just come here, stay right here with me, everything's over now, it's just you and me and I want you to cuddle me because it'll make us both feel better."

Roman does. He wraps his arms around Remus and lets Remus topple them to the floor and squish out all the parts that are making his stomach feel like it's trying to tie itself into knots. His chest feels all achy again and he's so frustrated, because he doesn't want to be like this, he didn't use to be like this, but now it's like he can't go through two conversations without having to run away.

Remus is warm. Remus is solid and warm and safe and he's right here and he's not going anywhere. He can be okay with that for a little while. The longer he sits with this awful shit in his stomach the worse it's going to be when he eventually has to deal with it because his body is stupid like that sometimes and he hates it, he hates everything about it, but right now he has Remus here to love and he'd rather spend that time cuddling his brother than hating the fact that he's so fucking fragile that he can't even talk about things anymore.

Remus must summon some sort of blanket because there's more weight on top of him now and he actually manages to let out a breath when he feels it. He peeks out from Remus's shoulder and sees a version of their old blanket forts covering them. Sheets make the light into pretty colors and there's a gentle breeze through one end. There are blankets covering them, enough to make Roman feel soft and small in the way that you only feel when you're still too young and the bed feels like an ocean and the blankets are comforting creatures that just want to hold and protect you. Remus shuffles down a little to wrap his arms more securely around Roman and oh, he feels—it's—he's—

"Stay here with me for a little," Remus murmurs, pressing his cheek against Roman's, "we're safe in here, okay? Can we do that?"

Roman nods. He tucks his nose back into the crook of Remus's neck and just breathes.

***

He texts Logan. He doesn't want to risk hanging out in the hallway for longer than necessary and if he has to walk there and walk back he doesn't need the added weight of failing to do something as simple as visit someone. Logan texts back right away that he's welcome to come over. He can't decide whether that's a good thing or not and so, before he can overthink it, he texts again asking if he can sink in.

It takes Logan a moment longer to say he can and Roman breathes a sigh of relief. He gathers up his stuff and sinks carefully into Logan's room, appearing just by the door. Logan looks up from his desk and smiles, actually smiles, getting up to go over to him.

"Roman," he says, and fuck, he's talking in that sweet soft voice again, "thank you for coming."

"Thanks for letting me sink in."

"Of course." He motions toward the desk and the second chair. Roman sits down, carefully keeping everything in his lap. "What questions can I answer for you?"

"The, um, they're just small questions, sorry. I just—I was looking over the bit you said about the pacing that you guys wanted and I'm—I don't think I get…it."

"Alright. Let me just pull up my notes…there. Okay, the pacing—can I ask what it is you don't get about it?"

"Maybe you can—sorry, can you just…go over it? Maybe I took my notes wrong."

Something flickers across Logan's expression but he nods and starts going over it. Roman follows along with his notes and sure enough, he hasn't necessarily missed anything, but it feels like there's a piece of the puzzle that Logan can see that he just can't find. When Logan finishes, he bites his lip for a long moment before he glances up. A furrow forms between Logan's brows when he sees what Roman's doing but he doesn't comment on it.

"I just—I'm sorry, I promise I'm paying attention—"

"I know you are, Roman, you don't need to apologize." When Roman hesitates, Logan adjusts his tie and leans a bit closer. "I'm not going to be angry at you, Roman, I give you my word. You came here to ask questions, I am here to work with you to find answers. You are not doing something wrong, I won't be angry, you needn't apologize for anything."

Roman just stares at him. Actually stares, because who the fuck is this and what did they do with Logan? As if he could hear the thought, Logan smiles ruefully and takes off his glasses to clean them.

"What Remus said, about letting you work through things in the way you need to, something in it resonated with me. I suppose I've been—no, I have been taking you for granted in the past with these projects, or at the very least not appreciating the extent of what you do. I'm making an effort to be better about it."

"Oh."

"Is…I know you've only been here for a few minutes, but is it working at all?"

"Yeah. This is…nice. I like being able to talk to you."

Logan smiles. He actually smiles at him and fuck, Roman's not going to start crying right now. He's not gonna. "I like talking to you as well, Roman."

He swallows heavily and looks back down at the notes. "I think I'm confused as to why you've decided to go with this structure. It feels…I don't know how to describe it, but it doesn't—with the way it's been described to me, it feels like it's uneven."

"Uneven how, if you wouldn't mind explaining further?"

"Like—if you're loading passengers onto a train, it kind of feels like you're putting a lot of people in the first car, and then like, two or three in the next few, and then everyone else in the back cars. Does that—I'm sorry, that probably doesn't make any sense at all."

"No, no, I believe I understand. You think the distribution of events is off, correct? The flow of it stagnates in some places and moves too quickly for the audience in others?"

"Yeah."

"What would you suggest, then, to improve it?" Now Roman well and truly stares at him, so much so that he chuckles. "What?"

"You're asking me?"

"You are Creativity," he says, still in that sweet and gentle voice, "I daresay you have far more experience and knowledge of how to do something like this than I do."

Roman looks back down at the notes. Now that this isn't a to-do list anymore, it's a sandbox that he actually gets to play in, he doesn't—he can't—he doesn't know the answer anymore. He doesn't know what he's going to do. Is he going to do something? "C-can I—I need time."

"Of course. I would expect nothing less. Will you let me know if you need a sounding board or when you've got something you think is workable?" He nods. "Lovely."

It takes a few more moments of them sitting there in silence for Roman to realize Logan isn't going to tell him to leave.

"Do you want me to go?"

"If you want to, I've no means to keep you here. I also understand the appeal of co-working in a space, so if you'd like to, you can."

"Wait—you'd let me—but I—"

Logan tilts his head slightly when Roman's words die in his throat. After another moment, he slowly reaches out and runs his hand through Roman's hair, cupping the side of his face. Roman's eyes flutter shut at the contact, breathing in the smell of old books and ink as Logan just holds him. He'd done this when Roman was having a panic attack too; he just touched his cheek and the shock of it interrupted the worst of the feedback loop and then he'd just sat there, letting Roman rest his head in his hand and breathe. It had been so small, it shouldn't have reached into Roman's chest the way it did, but it was a small thing of just I'm here, I'll be here with you for a moment, that it took his breath away.

It takes his breath away again now, Logan's hand just there, supporting his head. After a moment, he hears the creak of a chair and the grip shifts slightly, then another hand cards through his hair and he opens his eyes to see Logan standing over him.

"I am sorry," he whispers, "that I have hurt you to the point where you believe me to be an authority figure out to get you. I am truly sorry, little one. Yes, you can work in here with me if you like. Yes, you can ask questions and take the time you need to work on things at your own pace. I will not be angry, I will not be upset, I give you my word."

"You were so mean," Roman nearly whimpers back.

"I know, little one, I'm sorry. I was cruel and arrogant and you didn't deserve any of it. I falsely believed that I could…control you, as horrible as that is to say out loud, that I could in some way improve Thomas's efficiency by being so rigorous and strict." He crouches down so Roman doesn't have to look up anymore. "But that's not true, and all I've done instead is cause you pain and strife. So I'm not going to be like that anymore."

"You're gonna be nice."

"Yes, exactly, little one. I'm going to be nice." He smiles and strokes Roman's cheek. "I like being nice to you."

"I like when you're—when you're nice too."

"Then this should work out splendidly."

***

"Logan tells me you've been making good progress with the script," Patton says during a pause in the dinner conversation and Roman's hand twitches under the table.

"It's going okay."

There's another long pause before Patton laughs. It's not a very happy laugh. "Are you going to tell us anything else?"

"Like what?"

"Like maybe what about it is going well? Are there things that you didn't expect? Are there things you need help with?"

Roman swallows some water and jams his hand between his leg and the chair. "There's not a lot to talk about. It's just…going."

"You used to be so enthusiastic about talking about your work, kiddo."

"Shit happens, Pat-Pat," Remus grins, "nuts and bolts and squids and ink and all that."

"Yeah, that's how I remember the saying going too."

"Language, Remus, and besides, like you said, your process is different from Roman's. Maybe it's not like that for him."

Roman bites his lip and puts more food in his mouth. Patton won't ask him things when he's actively eating. Across the table, he glimpses Virgil and Janus sharing a look and then Virgil's kicking Remus under the table.

"Hey!"

"You deserve it for reminding me about the time you decided to turn our couch into a giant octopus."

"But that was fun!"

"Having hickies the size of basketballs on my ass for three weeks was not fun, Remus, Thomas couldn't sit down on a sofa for like, a month after that."

"Not to mention the fact that the bear trap was left out in Virgil's hallway."

"Yeah—wait, it was what?" Janus blinks innocently and Virgil narrows his eyes. "You asshole, you said that you didn't know where it was!"

"Did I say that?"

"Don't get cute right now, J."

"Aww, you think I'm cute?"

The conversation quickly derails into Dark Side hijinks and Roman slips gratefully into the background. He sneaks a glance at Patton just to check that he's no longer about to be put on the spot and sees him alternating between bemusement and exasperation. He's safe for now. He goes back to eating and completely misses the concerned look Logan shoots him about halfway through dessert.

***

"Roman," Logan says one evening when the two of them are alone in the living room, "I'd like to go on one of those walks in the Imagination with you again. Would that be alright?"

"Like—the ones on the path near the flower fields?"

"Yes, there. That would be perfect."

"Um, okay. Do you want to go now?"

"If that suits you. There's still an hour or so before movie night officially starts."

"Sure."

Logan smiles and the two of them go up to the Imagination's double doors. Roman pushes them open and late-afternoon sunlight shines over rolling hills of blooming flowers, a single dirt path framed by elegant wooden fences tracing through the sweeps and contours of the valley. Logan carefully takes one of his hands and starts to walk, letting Roman decide the pace. A gentle breeze wafts the aroma of the new blooms through the air. Clouds tinged with orange and pale pink drift across the sky. The grass rustles and their feet crunch lightly along the path.

They walk past a tree growing atop one of the hills and Logan takes a deep breath.

"Little one?"

"Mhm?"

"I have a question for you that you needn't answer."

"Okay?"

"I've noticed that you…when Patton talks to you," Logan begins and Roman's hand twitches. He pauses, taking the hand in both of his and pressing his lips to it. "Precisely."

Roman swallows. "You want to know why?"

"If you would be comfortable telling me, yes."

He's quiet for a long while. Logan doesn't push. They walk up and down a few more hills before he sighs. Logan guides him over to a bench and they sit in the warm silence together.

"Do you…I don't know if you remember this," Roman says quietly, "when Thomas was struggling with being gay."

"I remember the time frame, yes."

"Did you know that was the last time Janus and Patton agreed on something before the, um, before they all came back?"

"I suppose I knew it in an abstract way, or at least it was something I knew to be true, but I didn't—no, I didn't know that was the last time."

He falls quiet again. The prickle along his skin is back. The ache in his chest blooms anew. Old wounds press against the inflamed nerves hidden under layers and layers of scar tissue. He feels heavy.

"They were so sure they were right."

"That they were right?"

"Yeah."

***

"You know how this goes, Roman," Patton says, his voice as hard as a ruler smacking against Roman's knuckles, "the prince falls in love with the princess. He saves her, they get married, happily ever after. You know better than to say something stupid like that."

"But it's not stupid! It's not—"

"Roman." Now Janus looks at him with that falsely pitying condescension. "You want to tell good stories, right? You want to tell stories that people will like, that they'll praise you for, right? You want to be good for the people you're telling stories for, don't you?"

"Well…"

"You know how to be good." Patton folds his arms. "You'll tell the right stories. You will, won't you?"

Roman's throat prickles. He twists his hands into the cover of his notebook. Janus raises an eyebrow, reaching out to snatch it from him. He yelps, scrabbling to get it back, but more arms hold him back as Janus flips through it. His eyebrow keeps raising higher.

"Well, well, well. Looks as though our little prince isn't as honorable as he claims to be."

Hot, thick shame bubbles up in his mouth. Patton holds his hand out and Roman tries to lunge for the book but Janus squeezes his side, making him collapse into the rest of his hands. Patton turns the pages and each one feels like it's ripping his skin off. He doesn't stop thrashing, not until Janus snaps at him to be still. Patton's mouth hardens into a thin line and he sighs like he's disappointed.

He takes the book and drops it into the trash can.

"No! Give it back, it's mine, it's not yours, you can't do that."

"Stop."

Roman grits his teeth and yanks against Janus's grip because Janus is grabbing him and it hurts and it's not fair that he's getting hurt when he didn't even do anything wrong. Patton steps close enough that Roman can't avoid looking at him and just waits for Roman to tire himself out.

"Apologize."

"What? No, I'm not going to apologize! I didn't do anything wrong! You're the ones who hurt me and stole my stuff!"

"If you're so sure you didn't do anything wrong, then why did you try and hide the notebook?" He takes a step closer when Roman doesn't say anything. "Why did you try to lie to us? Why wouldn't you tell us what you were making? You knew it was wrong, Roman, you knew it all along and you did it anyway because you didn't care. You didn't care that it was hurting us, hurting Thomas. And you did it anyway. Do you know what that means?"

There's a lump in his throat.

"That makes you selfish, Roman. That makes you very, very selfish. That's not very prince-like, is it?"

"…no."

"I asked you a question."

"No."

Patton's quiet for a moment. Then: "there won't be any daydreams for Thomas until the end of the month."

Roman's head jerks up. "What? You can't do that!"

"Thomas needs to have good dreams. Daydreams are already a privilege, as Logan said. If you can't be trusted to give Thomas good dreams, you don't get the reward of being allowed to daydream."

"But that's not fair!"

Patton raises an eyebrow. "Do you think you've behaved in a way that deserves a reward? Or a privilege? Have you been good?"

"Don't lie," Janus sings, still tugging on his arms and poking him in the side, "I'll know if you lie."

"Roman, I asked you a question."

Roman doesn't say anything. Janus pokes him again. He doesn't say anything. He gets poked again.

"Stop poking me!" He yanks his arm away from Janus's grip. "Let me go! You're being mean!"

"My, my, Roman, what a temper you have. We've been talking using our inside voices, why are you shouting?"

"He's right, Roman."

"What do you mean he's right? He was poking me!"

"And that gives you the right to shout at both of us?" Patton's voice makes Roman shrivel up. He sighs again and it hurts. "I'm disappointed in you, Roman. I thought you'd know better by now."

"Maybe I do know better. You're not Romance, you're not Creativity, what if I know better than you do?"

Patton raises his eyebrows.

The room gets cold.

Janus chuckles in the background as Roman gets smaller and smaller and smaller—

***

Roman blinks. He thinks about the story he'd told himself when he was younger to fall asleep faster, about the two boys in the village who went to go explore a nearby forest and fell in love. He thinks about the notebook thrown in a trashcan that he never saw again. He thinks about the bruise on his side and the locks on the Imagination that burned his fingers whenever he tried to touch them.

He thinks about hearing Remus cackling joyfully on the other side and wondering why he had to be good when Remus didn't just to enjoy being himself.

He thinks about feeling like a puppet. He thinks about strings and wooden handles and smiling when it hurt and talking with words that weren't from his own mouth. He thinks about tears and sniffles and hissed whispers and too-red noses. He thinks about aching hands and twisted stomachs and chests that wouldn't stop feeling like someone's hand was in there, rummaging around. He thinks about standing very still as someone else talked about something he tried to talk about years ago, he thinks about the rage building up on the underside of his tongue, he thinks about the phantom sting across his knuckles from when someone ordered him to be good and apologize.

He thinks about how much it hurts and how scared it makes him.

He hasn't said any of this to Logan. He just said that they were so certain they were right and Logan seemed to understand what he meant. He let Logan pull him in for a hug and promise that he would try and help in any way he could. He knows Logan's been watching them interact now, that Logan's been seeing how scared he is whenever Patton tries to make him talk about something he doesn't want to. He knows Logan's been talking to him quietly and gently and being nice and it helps. It does.

But he knows it can't last forever.

***

It doesn't.

***

The wolf is the one to find him. He's tucked deep into a crevice in the mountainside, the wind whipping across the rock. He lost feeling in his fingers long ago. The shadow falls over him and he barely blinks. A nose the size of his chest nudges his head and jaws that could swallow houses part to take him in between sharp teeth.

He's carried back to the safety of the forest, laid on his side as the wolf laps at his numb, scraped limbs, just this side of too rough. He stares into the darkness with salt crusted at the corners of his eyes. The wolf huffs and curls around him, blowing warm air over his freezing body before lifting his nose to let out a long, almost mournful howl.

Wings. A distant cry. The ground shakes.

Snuffling scales and warmth, true warmth. A tail wrapping around him as another snout nudges its way into his chest. His dragon rumbles as the wolf resettles, the two wrapping themselves about him as though he were nothing but a little mouse, shivering and scared in the too-big world.

***

"Hey, Princey," Virgil says quietly as Roman steps through the door, the wolf nudging him all the way through, "don't worry, we're not here to yell at you or anything, we, uh, we wanna help."

Roman eyes him warily, hardly daring to look at Janus for too long.

"Remus and Logan are still talking with Patton. They're not gonna be done for a while. We're here to help you, okay? That's it." Roman doesn't move. "We can—shit, Princey, you're bleeding."

He looks down. Oh. So he is. He hears a shuffling and jerks his head back up to see Virgil holding a first aid kit. He gestures wordlessly between it and Roman and after a very, very long moment, Roman nods.

"Okay. I'm gonna come over and just clean it, okay?" Roman nods. "Thanks. I'm gonna…start moving now."

Janus doesn't move an inch, his concerned expression remaining fixed on Roman's arm until Virgil pronounces it clean. Then, and only then, does he look up to meet Roman's gaze and stand. Roman flinches, Virgil steadying him, and Janus stops. Slowly, deliberately, he takes off his gloves—all of them, all six hands, and takes a step forward. Roman's breathing picks up and Virgil squeezes his shoulder.

"I won't let him hurt you," he says softly, and Janus doesn't even react. Instead, he keeps coming closer. "Just—it's okay, Roman. He's here to help too."

Janus stops right in front of him and—oh. One hand fits around the back of his neck, another around his shoulders, one around his waist—oh, no—

"Oh, sweetie," he hears distantly as his knees buckle, "you poor thing, shh, shh, hush now, it's going to be okay."

His mind goes haywire. Janus doesn't do this, not with him, not like this. Janus isn't this gentle, this tender, this kind, whatever you want to call it. There are so many hands rubbing his back, running fingers up and down, or just holding him, there's a soft voice in his ear and he's lying against something solid and safe. There are kisses on his temples, his cheeks, his forehead, his nose, he's shaking, he's so scared.

"I don't know what to do," he hears distantly, "he's—Virgil, what do I do?"

"He's scared shitless, J, he doesn't know what's going on."

"I know, I know, I just—" another kiss, a harder one, pressed right to the crown of his head— "oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise, you've been so brave and so strong, my sweet prince…my sweet, sweet prince…"

Roman's hands twitch. He touches the fabric of Janus's cloak and holds a single fold between his fingers.

"Yes, yes, that's it, it's okay, you can hold onto me. I've got you, you see? I've got you and you're safe and everything's okay. You're okay, you're safe, I'm going to look after you from now on, I promise. It's okay, sweetie, oh, you've been so brave…"

"…Janus?"

"Yes, sweetie? What is it, what do you need?"

"Are…are you mad at me?"

He feels Janus's chest stutter against his own. "No, sweetie, I'm not mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong, you're so good."

"G-good?"

"Yes, sweetie, you're so good. You've been so good, it's okay, you're safe now, you're going to be just fine, I'm going to help look after you, and so will Virgil and Remus and Logan—we're all looking after you right now, okay? It's okay."

…well, fuck.

***

He's not left alone with Patton for a while after that. Remus sticks closely by his side for any meetings, Virgil's always lurking in a room somewhere wherever Roman is, and Logan texts him throughout the day with random little facts and interesting things he's learned. It doesn't feel bad, per se, to have all of them looking out for him like this, but it doesn't feel good either.

Patton does explain that what he's been trying to do is encourage some of Roman's old habits—talking about his stuff, sharing his opinions—but he didn't know that it was making Roman so scared. He's not thrilled about the fact that Roman's so scared of him, but hey, neither is Roman. They manage to find a way to coexist that doesn't involve the others acting like a barrier between them, but it isn't easy.

He spends more time in the Imagination with the others, showing them the places that he and Remus built when they were younger. They play games and watch movies and spend time together outside of working on things.

Then there's a movie night where only Patton and Roman show up early. It's…not easy.

But then Patton makes a joke that only he and Roman knew and the rest of them arrive downstairs to hear the two of them laughing their heads off.

And…yeah, maybe things aren't beyond fixing after all.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl

[sanderssideswriting]

Just watched the Halloween video from this year and saw screencaps of the Halloween video from a few years back… I just don’t understand how we can go from Frankenstein prosthetics for Logan in that episode to messy eyeliner with visible mess up marks for Janus in the new one. Like it’s not a difference of a new makeup artist, it just feels like a lack of caring for it to be as good as it’s been.

I just loved this series so deeply before, so it’s frustrating to see what seem like such flippant disregard for the quality of what they’re making

thank you for this ask because I've been thinking of going through each makeup look and analyzing them more. I totally agree with you about the lack of care. The whole thing is so insanely rushed when they could've taken like, a few more days of planning if they wanted to get it out for halloween, or hell a few days after and have them spin it as them being sad spirit halloween is gone for the year and what a spirit christmas would be like. Or like, the 12 days of christmas but 12 days of spirit halloween? I just feel like there could've been some better ideas. The makeup looks like they were given 5 minutes to figure out what each side would be and 5 minutes to do the make up itself.

onto the make up analysis that'll be under the cut.

Little disclaimer before though, I'm in no way a makeup artist, what I am is a cosplayer and I've pulled together some pretty cool shit with very limited supplies and knowledge.

editors note: so according to the comments it seems like everyone's a character from the nightmare before christmas? Or at the least, Remus, Virgil, Roman and maybe Logan. I don't know, I've seen the movie like twice. just keep that in mind I didn't know until after writing everything below. But it really doesn't change my criticisms of the makeup

first on the list: JANUS

now this is just, I don't even know what it is. I think it's from the I'm Mr White Christmas, song because every year people do half Mr. White Christmas and half Mr. Sun makeup and it looks very good. But you don't need it to look that good. Like, I'd personally make the contrast between the blue and red way more, because it just isn't there. Maybe to keep the snake appearance do like, orange scales or orange underneath then red? Something to look more like fire. the joker esque smile doesn't work, again the contrast is very bad. The blue sticks out but the red doesn't so I'd get some lipstick, maybe a blue eyeliner if you can't get a blue lipstick, and loose the black lines, maybe make the blue side white and the red side more of a very dark red?

VIRGIL

I've got no idea, it's just so generic. A ghoul? A zombie? Who knows, not me. first of all, make the eye makeup darker, maybe some dark contour to make his cheeks look sunken in. if the stitches have to be purple then I'd say make it darker and use a black eyeliner pencil to add some definition and some detail that's harder to do with the eyeshadow

LOGAN

Frankenstein's monster? Or Frankenstein, the thing on his forehead says monster, the lab coat says man. why the fuck is Logan the only one who's got something over his usual attire. I guess you could argue that he just has one laying around? I'm not going to get into the wonky line, straight lines are hard. but the screw, again could've been done better with an eyeliner pencil because they are very pale.

PATTON

also I'm not trying to take unflattering screenshots, I'm just trying to get a clear one of Thomas facing the camera

a clown! very simple, very easy and the makeup is fucking visible!! Personally, adding the triangles around the eyes would be nice, for Patton I'd definitely lean on the fun side of clows and not the scary side. I just think a little more could be done. But I'm just thankful there's an actual red nose. The bar is low. I have to mention Patton's verse again, it's so bad, so rushed, could there not have been a little more thought into it specifically?

ROMAN

Jack Skellington I believe? I don't fucking know. my issue is the eyemake up once again, Make it much darker and less blocky. maybe some nose contour or try to make it look like an actual human skull? the stitches are eh, but I feel like they could be darker, maybe a liquid eyeliner in this case. This is also the only one where I think they really tried to hide Thomas's mustache I guess for the lip stitches?

REMUS

THe boogey man? Also from the nightmare before christmas. Are Roman and Remus doing a group costume? Remus's is probablt the best, he is also the only other side with something over his costume. The makeup looks pretty good, the black is solid at least around his mouth. Again, the eye makeup should be darker. the things on his cheeks are worms I believe. those are alright, I'd probably try to make them stand out a little more

[aredlemon]

A Part. Ao3

Summary:

Sure, it was only obvious that the breakup would hurt Patton. But did no one think about love itself?

Or

The others forget Roman is literally love but his bro comforts him

Notes:

First fic! Pardon me if it isn’t up to par but I wanted to get something for you out. (Also some shit happens in my real life, oh and procrastination)

Cw: oblivious/ignorant sides, slight Patton bashing, descriptions of someone looking sick, Remus comforting his bro, Roman has self deprecating thoughts.

Pairings: none!

~~~

It had been only about a week since the breakup. Not that it mattered, the others were still furious. Rightly so. It was all his fault!

The window was open, a slight drift moving the curtains. The sun was setting, casting the room in a low, orange light. The floor was littered with tissues, an overflowing trash can not too far from them.

Roman lay on the bed staring up. His prince costume had long been discarded. His skin was pale, rosy cheeks stained with tears only accentuating that. His hair was disheveled, it looked to be less saturated than before.

“Why must you ruin everything…”

A chocked sob escaped Roman. His voice was barely above a whisper, throat aching after what must have been hours of crying. He let out a shaky breath before continuing his soliloquy.

“If only you had just…Done you *job*…”

Roman turned to his nightstand. There lay a letter. A love letter. Funny wasn’t it? How the one to call Thomas all those names was the same person who called him ‘love’. It didn’t matter anymore. Roman had failed at his sole purpose. Keeping Thomas happy.

———

Remus paced around his room. Not out of anxiety or worry. Janus had prohibited him from entering the living room after he brought in a second dead body. It wasn’t his fault the first one needed a friend!

“Wonder how he’s holding up…” he thought out loud.

Remus seemed to have been the only one to notice Roman’s sudden absence. He was his brother after all, plus Roman was his favourite person to annoy! The others seemed to be too preoccupied with Patton…That bastard. ‘Oh look at me so sad! I am feelings!’ Well, Roman was passion, love for fucks’s sake! It made Remus feel weird…He didn’t like Roman…but they were still brothers.

“That’s it” and with that, Remus quickly vanished from his room.

———

It was deafeningly silent. A tear made its way down Roman’s cheek. He didn’t even bother wiping it away this time, much too tired to move. He looked sick. White hairs had started appearing on his head, all colour having been drained from his eyes. There was no point in trying.

‘At least I won’t burden them anymore’, ‘It’s better like this’, ‘I deserve this’, thoughts like these were floating in Roman’s brain. His eyes slowly closed.

“I’m so fucking sorry Thomas.”

———

Few moments passed before Remus rose up. Morning star in hand, ready to cause trouble.

“Oh Ro-Bro~ Are yo-“ Remus was cut short.

The sight of his brother made his stomach churn, something not many things were able to achieve. No, that wasn’t his brother. His brother was lively, loud, happy…this…

A loud thud was heard as the morning star fell from his hands. Rushing to his brother he sighed in relief when the faint heartbeat and slight coldness of Roman’s breath against his hand alerted Remus he was still alive. He withdrew and placed a hand on Roman’s shoulder, shaking him lightly.

“Ro-Bro, get up.” Remus’ worries came back, since Roman didn’t seem to wake.

“Come on now,” he growled, “get up you fucker!” He shook him more violently, worry slipping into his voice despite his efforts to remain calm.

Why was he even so worried? Roman was still alive after all, and he probably would wake up…oh for the love of fuck! Remus allowed tears to spill from his eyes, voice coming out in a sob as he begged Ro to wake up.

———

Roman’s eyes slowly fluttered open. It must have been morning, perhaps early mid day? Whatever, it’s not like he really cared. His eyes took a bit to adjust to the light invading the room through the curtains. He felt light, almost as if he were floating. Was this a dream?

“Hmmmgg…Ro?” A voice startled him.

Turning his head ever so slightly he was met with Remus’ gaze staring down at him. It seemed as though he had just woken up, still rubbing his eyes. Dark circles framing them, still damp from tears cheeks accompanying them. He looked so…exhausted? Roman had never seen Remus like that, let alone crying. Roman looked at him, trying to ask what was wrong but his voice betrayed him. What came out was a slight whine, barely audible.

“Oh you fucker.” Remus dipped down and hugged him.

Resting his head in the space besides Roman’s head he wrapped his hands around the prince. He felt so relieved. Roman was ok. He quickly pulled back after a groan from his twin’s lips reminded him that he was crushing him. Sitting besides him, he helped Roman sit up on the bed, making sure not to move him too quickly.

Roman felt dizzy, as if his brain was melting in his head.

“What ‘re you doin’ here…?” He slurred out.

Remus stammered, bewildered. Was he really being serious? “You’re kidding right? Roman, you haven’t come out of your room in a week, I come in and find you barely alive, and you ask me why I am here!?”

He didn’t intend on sounding angry, let alone upset, but it happened to come out that way. But was he at fault? Roman was acting like such an idiot.

Roman jolted back a bit. He looked scared. Upset. Worst of all he looked sorry. Ready to break and start apologising, saying sorry for making Remus worry, sorry for being a burden, sorry for being a failure.

Tears spilled from his eyes. They had gained back some of their colour, same with his skin and hair, but he still looked sickly. He tried to speak, but all he could muster up was a faint “s-sorry”.

No, Remus must have misheard right? He all but lunged forward and embraced Roman.

“No. Stop. Just…it’s ok, I’m here” he said as Roman started to sob into his shoulder.

“Sorry for *hic* making you…w-worry” Roman’s words came out barely audible.

“Don’t be. You did nothing wrong, hear me? Nothing.”

Remus patted his twin’s back, humming softly to soothe him. Oh dear….He didn’t like seeing his brother like this. He missed the brave, annoying, over the top Roman. As he made a mental note to give the others a piece of his mind Roman spoke up, finally having calmed down a bit.

“You’re…not mad?”

‘Might as well have driven a dagger straight through my heart’ Remus thought. “No I’m not. Just…I’m sorry, I should have noticed sooner.”

Before Roman could protest Remus continued.

“Just, listen, you’re not a failure, a screw up, whatever. Thomas will find someone new. Shit happens ok? Just cause it’s a part of your job to be love doesn’t mean anything. That’s only a part of you. A part of the amazing Roman.” Remus chuckled. “The, very sadly, lesser of the twins~”

Roman chuckled and pushed Remus off of him.

“Fucker” he said while smiling. ‘Well, what did I expect?’ Roman thought. Remus was his brother after all, and as much as he wanted he couldn’t stay mad.

Plus, the teasing was a part of him, right?

Notes:

Hope you enjoyed! Again this is my first one so sorry for the bad writing. Also for the fact that it’s short, wanted to get it out this week.

-ARedLemon :)

[iamwritingsanders]

Inherited Mess Pt. 10

First: Link Previous: Link Next: [TBA]

Carry Me

Logan made sure the hallway was clear before slipping into Remus’ bedroom, locking the door behind him, and watching Remus pacing the room. He’s learned most of Remus’ anxious habits by this point. Chewing on his fingers was common, but he also fidgeted a lot with random items whenever there was too much going on in his head. Right now he was rearranging the collection of figurines on top of his dresser. There was never a method to how they were displayed, just whatever felt right in that moment so the way he kept going showed that a right feeling just wasn’t happening. 

“Remus?” Logan spoke softly, not wanting to accidentally spook him in case he hadn’t registered his presence yet. His point was proven when Remus continued his arranging and talking to himself under his breath. “Remus?” Logan tried again, placing a hand on Remus’ wrist. Remus tensed up, looked at the hand, and relaxed the second he recognized who was with him. 

“Hey, LoLo. Did you finish eating?” Remus seemed to be trying to shove down whatever emotions he was feeling before. Logan hated when he did that, it never ended well and he knew it hurt Remus more than it did any good. 

“What did Adrien talk to you about?” Logan ignored Remus’ question and asked his own instead, still remembering the earlier anger toward the older man. He saw the remnant of that anger flash in Remus’ eyes before he shook his head in an attempt to make himself forget it. 

“It’s nothing.” Remus tried to slip away but Logan caught his hand. 

“Remus. What did he talk to you about? It must have been something very upsetting for you to be like this. Let me help.” Logan waited as Remus paused and had that previous conversation replay in his mind, jaw clenching and he deeply inhaled through his nose. 

“Adrien…” Remus blew a raspberry as he tried to find the words. “Adrien basically suggested having you and Patton leave.” Saying that out loud brought all of that rage back. “He blamed me for Remy getting shot and said that I lack focus and having you two around is what’s causing that problem. Fucking prick wouldn’t know friendship or love if it bit him in the ass.” Remus spat the last part. “I know I shouldn’t get so worked up over this, it’s stupid but I just…” He ran his hands through his hair. “God, I want to just break something every time I think of his stupid face saying his stupid words. Just the idea of losing you has me wanting to set the world on fire.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Logan adored Remus’ passion and he knew he meant it when he said he’d set things aflame for him. He placed his hands on Remus’ shoulders, pulling him close. “You’re never going to lose me, you know that. It would be illogical for me to leave.” Logan chuckled when his comment got Remus to smile. 

“That’s a fair point.” Remus sighed. “I might go to the gym real quick and get this stuff out of me.” 

“I have another idea.” Logan took Remus’ hands and guided him to hold his waist. He then wrapped one of his own arms across Remus’ shoulders and placed a hand on his chest, leaning in close. “Use me.” 

“Use you?” Remus echoed. “You mean-hold on, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t or at least you won’t in a way I don’t want.” Logan was feeling confident and Remus felt his heart flutter.

“I love you,” Remus said before catching Logan in a kiss. 

x~x~x The next morning for Patton and Janus was disrupted by heavy knocks on the door, the knocking insisting until Janus finally reached it, hair a mess, shirt missing, and looking pissed at being woken up. It was a rarity for him to sleep in but whenever he did everyone knew to leave him alone. 

“What?” Janus practically hissed. 

“If you are all insisting on having Patton be in the kitchen, the least he can do is keep it clean,” Adrien stated, unaffected by Janus’ annoyance. 

“Is everything okay?” Patton came to the door, wearing Janus’ missing shirt. 

“Glad to see where your priorities are, Janus.” Adrien huffed while Patton shrunk away to hide most of himself behind Janus. “The kitchen is a mess.” He stated to Patton. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll get right on it.” Patton looked down at the ground as he spoke. 

“Feel good about yourself? We’ll take care of it, you can go.” Janus wanted to slap Adrien for upsetting Patton but neither of them had been awake long enough for that much drama. 

“If there is a job, it is to be done properly.” Were Adrien’s parting words as he went away. 

“‘It is to be done properly’,” Remy repeated in a mocking tone, taking Adrien’s place in the next few seconds, uncaring if he could be heard or not. 

“Remy?” Patton perked back up. “Shouldn’t you be resting?” 

“Doc told me to walk about to get the blood flowing,” Remy answered with a grin and apart from his arm being in a sling, he looked like his usual self. 

“Remington Bomen, what do you think you’re doing?” A stern voice soon followed. 

“You told me to walk around, Ems,” Remy said with a laugh as Dr. Emile Picani, a man with endless nicknames but mostly known as Picani, stormed over to him.  

“Don’t you ‘Ems’ me, you know I was talking about walking around the room. I am still examining you.” Picani took hold of Remy’s uninjured arm. “Good morning, Janus. Good morning, Patton.” He greeted the other two men with a cheery smile before tugging Remy away. “I still need to make sure you’re fine to go off on your own.” Picani scolded Remy as they went away. 

“Have you noticed that Picani is only ever stern with Remy?” Janus commented.

“I think it’s cute.” Patton giggled.

“You think everything is cute.” Janus teased.

“Including you~” Patton sang as Janus chuckled and closed the door. 

Several minutes passed before the door to Remus’ bedroom opened and Remus peeked his head into the hall, checking it was clear before slipping back in, Logan’s voice coming out from behind it. 

“I don’t need to be carried.” 

“You said you were sore.” Remus’s voice was followed by the shuffling of feet. 

“I am, but I’ll just take some medicine when I get to my office. You already wouldn’t let me get dressed on my own, I can walk down the-” The last part of Logan’s comment became a light yelp of shock and when the door opened, Logan was up in Remus’ arms. “This is ridiculous.” Logan huffed. 

“It’s called being a caring boyfriend.” Remus chuckled, patting Logan’s rear as he walked. 

“It’s called being overprotective.” Logan had a grin with his comment.

“Are you complaining?” Remus winked and Logan smiled as he rolled his eyes. 

“I’ll give you twenty dollars and a back rub if they end up-” Janus stopped what he was saying as he and Patton left his room and ran into Remus and Logan. There was a long pause as the four of them looked at each other. 

“I can ex-"

“You two are terrible at hiding your relationship.” Janus cut Remus off.

“Our what? No-we’re not-I don’t know-what?” Remus sputtered out while Logan just turned his head away. 

“Oh, please. I’ve known for a long time about this.” Janus vaguely gestured at them with a finger. 

“How long?” 

“When did you tell Patton?”

“Pat!” Remus turned to Patton. 

“How could I not tell Jan?” Patton protested. “But I swear I only told him and no one else knows. He promised not to tell and you know he never breaks a promise to me.” 

“Have you told him everything I’ve talked to you about?” Remus asked.

“Yes,” Janus answered for Patton with a smirk. 

“I do not want to know what that all implies.” Logan sighed. “Now can we-” He stopped at the sound of music coming down the hall, a genre of music they recognized as Virgil’s. It told all of them that he was coming and that he was alone. 

“Ah, shit.” Remus cursed and before he could have his next thought, Janus threw Patton over his shoulder right as Virgil came into view. 

“Um…do I want to know?” Virgil turned his music off and raised a brow. 

“Remus is trying to prove he’s faster than me.” Janus’ lie came out easily and he shrugged. 

“You could go get Roman and join the race.” Remus quickly caught on. 

“I’m good. Although, if he doesn’t get out of bed, I might be doing it regardless.” Virgil softly chuckled. “Any word on Remy?”

“He’s doing really well!” Patton pushed himself up a bit as he spoke. 

“He was walking around a bit ago, Picani dragged him back to the infirmary,” Janus added. 

“That’s a good sign.” Remus laughed. 

“You guys enjoy your race, I have a Princey to bother.” Virgil gestured with his thumb. “Coffee’s made up and Adrien is in a mood.” He added the first part to Janus and said the second half with a roll of his eyes as he turned and walked away. 

“You owe me,” Janus said as soon as Virgil was gone, putting Patton back down. 

“Wait.” Patton wrapped his arms around Janus’ neck and jumped, making him catch him. “You started this and I want you to finish it.” He said with a giggle. 

“I can do that.” Janus smiled as Patton rested his head on his chest. “I’ll give you more hell later.” He winked at Remus and Logan and walked away as well. 

“Now, can you put me down?” Logan asked.

“I’ll put you in your seat in your office.” Remus continued his own walking. 

“I have no choice, do I?”

“Nope~” 

“Fine.” Logan played up his tone and kissed Remus’ temple. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“The luckiest man in the world.” 

----------

@bookwormscififan

[typically-untypical]

The Saint and the Manipulator

AU: Vampires

CW: Biting

WC: 1,962

Date: 12/14/2023

"Look at him Jannie, he just looks cute enough to eat," Patton cooed, watching the man at the bar mixing drinks for other people. His fingers were long, almost spider like and his shirt was wide enough at the neck to show off his warm flesh.

"Patience," Janus hissed, drawing a line from Patton's neck to his chin. For the past few months he had been talking with the bartender, slowly getting him to open up to the ideas of the occult. It hadn't been hard, Virgil was apparently an avid conspiracy theorist and so when Janus started spouting off about Vampires, the bartender had listened with rapt attention. Everything working out in their favor, Janus was enjoying Virgil's company and Virgil seemed excited by the possibility of something so macabre. It had been a long road preparing the human, but everything was going according to plan. Janus had to move one more piece into play, Patton. His husband was a joy and a sweetheart, full of wonder for the world around him. Unfortunately, as a vampire, Patton had a thirst that couldn't be satiated. Unlike most stories, vampires weren't reckless killing machines, at least not all of them. Much like humans, they had the capacity to be evil or kind and though Janus didn't believe such labels were helpful, he did hope others understood, as a human he could be far crueler than he actually was. Patton, on the other hand, was far kinder than most humans Janus met.

"Oh I hope we get his consent, I would love to have him as part of our family."

Patton was probably a big reason why Janus was the way he was. Being such a kind and open hearted man, even as a vampire he wouldn't drink from someone he didn't have permission from. The first time he had drank from Janus he had begged, pleaded in a dark alley. Janus had only been so gracious to shut him up, but when Patton had finished drinking the smile on his face had been captivating. He had complimented Janus' health and given him advice for his future. It had been such a strange encounter that Janus had gone back again and again until they were linked. Vampires could get blood from any random humans, but it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as blood from someone bound to a vampire. If a human agreed, their soul could be intertwined, giving them the life span to stay by the vampire's side while also promising their health to the vampire. This bond was a neigh unbreakable, which meant one couldn't go into it lightly. Janus had given his life to Patton over a century ago, but Patton's hunger continued to grow. This was his way of helping his husband. He had been laying the groundwork to woo the bartender. He would later take on the role of manipulative villain, but he would do anything for Patton's sake.

"Last call, you two," Virgil said, walking over to their table and leaving the bar unattended. It seemed like most of the regulars had already cleared out leaving only a few stragglers behind.

"I think we're good in terms of alcohol, but might we have a conversation once you're off work? Patton and I are curious about a few things." Not a lie, not the truth.

"Oh, so this is the infamous Patton," Virgil held out his hand. "Jay has told me a lot about you, give him a few drinks and he actually can't shut the fuck up about you. I've been curious." 

Patton giggled, covering his mouth to hide his fangs. "You are a sweet talker. He has mentioned you a lot as well. I think he and I are going to have to have a stern talking to because he undersold how pretty you are."

Virgil blushed, heat and blood rising to his face. "Well, that's good to hear. I have to start cleaning the bar, but I'll tell the others you're walking me to my car, that way they should leave you be even after we close."

"Thanks Kiddo." Virgil raised his eyebrow at that but didn't say anything as he started walking away.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Patton grabbed Janus' leg trying to control his obvious giddiness. "He's handsome, and that voice, and that smell." Patton seemed to melt a bit and Janus wrapped his arms around his husband, pulling him close. 

"Yes, I'm aware he's pretty. I figured he was just your type."

Patton giggled, "Why because I like dramatic emos who hide their true feelings with sarcastic quips?"

Janus pretended to look offended as he put his hand to his chest. Patton only laughed, leaning up to kiss Janus' chin. "I love you," he whispered.

Janus would never admit that he melted a bit too, returning Patton's kiss. "You are too saccharine for your own good." He kissed Patton's neck, desperately trying not to be obvious about their love and affection for one another. He didn't need Virgil's coworkers to think they were sketchy, lecherous, or anything of the sort. They needed to be seen as a good couple, and good tippers.

It was less than an hour before Virgil and the others had the place cleaned up and shut down. He started walking toward them and the two got out of their chairs, putting them up on the tables like they had seen the others do. 

"So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?" Virgil asked, after walking them both out locking the door behind him. "You're not going to proposition me into your harem are you, Jay?" He asked teasingly, causing Janus to roll his eyes. That wasn't what he was planning on doing but he also understood that it almost seemed like that was exactly what he was doing. He was asking Virgil to potentially be a blood donor for Patton for the rest of his life, but all in due time.

"Actually, I wanted to tell you a secret, Pat, darling, would you like to show him your teeth?"

Patton looked to Janus for confirmation before he opened his mouth, allowing his fangs to slide out. Virgil's mouth fell, and he floundered for words. Janus let him process, making sure that he and Patton were at least 5 feet away so Virgil could feel like he could escape. No one could truly escape a vampire, but Patton also wasn't a hunter.

"Alright, so those are either really expensive, or..." He looked at Janus as if hoping to hear that it was all a lie, that Janus was playing a prank. 

"I am fully human, but my husband..." Janus allowed his sentence to taper off, allowing Virgil to fill in the rest. 

"He's a vampire, and you... you knew?"

"That's why I was so knowledgeable about them." Janus pulled Patton into him and as expected, Patton nuzzled his neck gently. "You're not in any danger from him, Patton is very sweet and never drinks from someone unless he has permission. However, it is an experience."

Janus watched as Virgil swallowed, looking over to his car before taking a step forward. "So vampires are real? You aren't just fucking with me? You do seem to like to do that." Virgil countered and Janus nodded.

"An unfortunate trait of mine, but I'm sure Patton would be happy to demonstrate as long as you don't mind watching. It can get a bit... intense." There was a bout of silence, the three of them standing there waiting for Virgil to make a move. Finally he nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, okay. I need to see this to believe it."

"Are you sure kiddo? You don't have to believe if you want. You could pretend it was a bad dream and go on with your life."

At Patton's suggestion, Virgil shook his head furiously, something Janus also expected. Virgil had anxiety and though he managed it well while he was bartending a discovery like this would haunt him for the rest of his life if he didn't verify it was fake. Then again, finding out it was real would most likely shake him to his core. He would come to them more often for comfort and Janus and Patton would both be waiting with open arms; Patton because he was kind, and Janus because he knew it would be a way to get Virgil to trust them. No other reason.

"Alright, if you're sure." Janus felt Patton shift, hands gently wrapping around his face was Patton looked at him. "May I?" He asked in the sweetest voice. He always started this the same way and it felt like a ritual at this point. 

"Always," Janus whispered in response, getting to see Patton's soft shy smile before his head was tilted to the side. Patton didn't just sink his teeth in. He kissed at Janus' neck, sucked a small bruise on the crook to bring the blood to the surface. Then he bit down. It was a brief moment of pain followed by a flood of endorphins. He felt like he was floating, like the whole world disappeared beneath his feet. Janus reached out for Patton, clinging to his arms, fighting the sounds that desperately bubbled from his chest. He was partially aware that Virgil was still here, was still watching them and that was not the thing to think about right now. He moaned out the bartender’s name softly before Patton pulled back, kissing his neck and sealing the wound. He left only a hickey behind. 

Vaguely, he could hear Patton speaking and Virgil was saying something as well. This had been the risk of going this route, letting the two of them talk alone. However, if Patton and Virgil were going to fall in love they needed to actually like each other. He was being swept off his feet, cradled in the strong arms of his husband. 

"Let me walk you to your car. If you're okay with it, we can talk more tomorrow?" Patton was doing great. He had managed to get them an invite back. Virgil wasn't running away. Janus knew he probably needed to stay awake, to do everything he could to manage the situation, but his head felt heavy. Patton's venom was still coursing through his system, desperately pulling him into a relaxed state. Elevated heart rates meant more blood, but it also meant a higher chance of someone dying and though there were enough humans now that culling the population wouldn't have a dramatic effect, that hadn't always been the case. 

Janus had done the research, Janus knew what was needed to keep Patton safe, to keep him healthy. Janus knew why things were happening, but he couldn't access it all his brain was too fuzzy. 

"This hit you hard didn't it?" Patton whispered, "Seems like you enjoyed someone else watching you feed me." He sounded more lucid and Janus felt himself falling closer and closer to sleep. "I do really like Virgil, but I think maybe you like him a bit too." Janus felt a slight kiss on his forehead and the warmth of a blanket being pulled over him. "At least I hope you do. You deserve to have a life's companion as much as I do. I'd love to build a little commune where you could have more friends, more family." Patton pushed his hair away from his face before laying down next to Janus. 

"Rest, it's okay, honey. I can take over from here. You've done such a good job but it's my turn to care for you."

Janus finally relaxed, allowing sleep to take over. This was why he loved his husband. He was too kind for his own good.

@tsspromptmonth

[oatmealdaydreams]

Nothing is Mine

First Person POV? Damn, it's been a while. Let me know if you wanna be added on or taken off the taglist.

Pairing: none

Trigger/Content Warning: neglect mention, suicidal thoughts, being ignored mention, fear of being alone, fear of being forgotten, fear of being unneeded, hurt no comfort

Description: Logan ruminates about how he's treated, all alone in his room.

Extra: First Person POV, in Logan's POV; back from when I used to write in First Person. It's been a while since I've done that, lmao.

[Masterlist] | ao3 link

[read under the cut]

Alone in my room, sitting at my desk. My papers and pens are scattered, and some have managed to litter the floor. My lights are low. My room feels cold and stale. I don't remember the last time I kept it decently clean.

How can a room feel so empty?

It shouldn't feel that way, right? I'm in the room. There's things in here. It's not empty. It's not supposed to feel empty.

Confusion figuratively holds my heart. I'm not good with emotions. I'm not supposed to show them, either. The others have made that clear every time I interact with them.

They just love to ignore me, shut me up.

No one wants to hear my facts, my input, my knowledge. I even made myself less invasive for the Redux video situation, but I was still skipped over. Silenced. The others didn't even listen to 'logic' when Janus took over and impersonated me. They thought it was me. It's like they rather listen to emotional turmoil than actual logic and fact.

Maybe Janus would be a better logic. He certainly cares about Thomas the way the rest of us do. He's Self-Preservation, after all. Not just Deceit. Not a 'villain', like Roman likes to say.

Maybe it'd be better if I 'ducked out'. Am I holding Thomas back from taking healthy breaks? From moving forward? Is that why no one listens to me? Why no one wants me there?

Maybe I should 'duck out', even just as an experiment. I wonder how'd the others react, if they would even notice. I don't think they would. Maybe Janus and Virgil. Maybe even Patton, but I doubt Roman would. Or Roman would notice but decide to ignore it. Maybe he'd enjoy having me gone. Maybe they'd all enjoy me being gone.

Would Thomas notice?

What would happen to him if I were to just disappear for a little while? Would he still feel my influence?

What if he didn't? What if me 'ducking out' killed him? What if it hurt Thomas?

What if I 'ducked out' and was replaced before Thomas could get hurt? A new Logic, a better Logic. A more interesting and 'fun' Logic.

Maybe Janus would take over, temporarily. He seems to know enough facts and knowledge to play the part. He can get people to listen. He can get Thomas to listen.

He can do his job right.

I can't.

I can't seem to do my one purpose right. I just fucking can't. Am I really necessary?

I want to be necessary. I want to be needed. I can't stand being alone and forgotten. I don't want the others to forget me.

I want Thomas to listen to me, to need me.

What if he doesn't need me anymore?

The others ignore me all the time. They don't want my input. They shut me up for a reason. Maybe a good reason.

What if the others don't need me anymore?

What do I do then? Just waste away in my room? Maybe make way for a better Logic? Maybe... maybe let myself turn into something else. Something to better serve Thomas and the others.

Maybe I should.

I can't handle being constantly ignored anymore.

Why do I feel so... empty? Sad? Upset?

Mad?

Betrayed?

...Lost?

Patton would be able to better explain the feelings swirling around in me. He is Thomas' heart, figuratively at least.

All I can do is sigh and sit in my desk chair. At my messy desk. In some sort of solitude.

Why do I feel so... bad?

What is wrong with me?

I wish...

I wish I got my own thing, for once. I share an emblem with Patton. I didn't even get to tell Thomas my name. Patton did. I didn't get the chance to show Thomas I trusted him on my own. Patton took that away from me.

Things are always getting taken away from me.

My voice, my name reveal, any attention I can grab before another Side figuratively steps in.

I don't... I don't understand. How come it's just me?

Patton skipped over me.

Roman implied I was still being 'invasive'.

Virgil... I don't know.

I don't want to think about this anymore, but I can't stop thinking about it.

Why can't just one thing be mine? Why can't I be listened to? Just once?

Is it really too much to ask for?

Am I... not necessary anymore?

Perhaps I should rest for a while. Janus himself advocates for self-care, and he is listened to more. I should just lay down, take some time away.

If I am truly needed, they'll look for me.

Hopefully.

Taglist: @lost-in-thought-20 @thegoldenduckie @not-sure-what-im-feeling

[t4t-apexeclipse]

2. What are your sides traits? Are they the same or different from the Sanders Sides?

4. Do your sides have names? Is there a reason they're named that? (Ex. How Patton's name comes from "Pathos")

9. Do your sides interact with the Sanders Sides? If so, who gets along with who? Who hates each other?

16. FREE SPOT FOR ANSWERERS! Ramble about anything you want!

- @transfemlogan

2: my sides traits are Hope, Sensitivity, Logic, Creativity, “Cringe” and… weed. the weed side

cringe is like a reclamation of sorts, and is used positively. she’s made of self love rather than self deprecation :3 rawr basically encompasses all my interests that society considers “cringe”

hope is kinda like my morality in a way, but functions differently from patton (especially since she’s also my selfishness). hope wants me to be better, and knows i can be, but isn’t overbearing about it

sensitivity is also my anxiety, and kinda takes things to heart. but she’s fiercely protective of me and the others, so if any of us get hurt, all hell breaks loose. they’re unintentionally the reason i worry about if im a bad person, because of the anxiety portion of her functions. she doesn’t mean to make me question it, it just happens because of their worrying

and logic and creativity are fairly similar to logan and roman respectively, but my logic is very emotional, and i only have one creativity that encompasses all aspects of imagination

weed is… my stoner thoughts. and my munchy cravings. and my love of bongs

4: they all have different names from their traits except Hope! he’s just Hope because it feels right, i honestly have no reasoning skjdjdfk

Sensitivity is Ophelia, named after the hurricane because they’re like an oncoming storm, and also because the name means “aid” and “help”, and all Ophelia wants to do is help me through life’s issues,, idk it makes sense in my head lmao

Cringe is Ebony because “my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and i have long ebony black hair (that’s how i got my name) with purple-

Logic is Nikola because i wanted to name it after someone in history who was known for their brilliance, and Nikola Tesla, inventor of the tesla coils, seemed like the right pick. idk something about a guy who worked with electricity seemed right to me

Creativity is Angelo, derived from Michelangelo, the famous painter. for hopefully obvious reasons lmao

Weed is… Mary Jane. i probably don’t need to explain

9: i haven’t yet decided if they actually interact! but i think hypothetically, Hope would get along well with Remus. idk why, just the vibe i get. and Janus i think. and he would probably think Patton is a bit much kajdjffj like “damn this guys in charge of thomas’s morality??” kajdjdfj

Nikola and Logan might get along as well, and logan would be fascinated by Nikola’s capacity for emotion, given their role as Logic. it would definitely be intrigued by Remus and Roman, being two creativities that separated from each other, and probably try to study them sjdjdjfjf

Angelo and Roman would freakin love each other lmao a prince and a fae, that’d be great. though Angelo can have darker ideas that lean towards remus territory

Ophelia would appreciate Virgil at first but after a while be like “wow this guy kinda sucks” KSJDJDJF and due to her being intrusive thoughts and anxiety, she wouldn’t really like being around Remus cos of the influence he would have (remus would say some shit like “your bones are always wet” or smthn idk and Ophelia would freak the fuck out)

Ebony and Remus. need i say more <3

also Mary Jane and Remus. but Mary Jane probably likes everyone (probably doesn’t trust Patton at first, cos his dad energy also has some narc energy like he’s gonna be all strict about drugs, but warms up to him eventually)

16: UHHH UM. RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS?

im dating myself, and as such im also dating my sides. so there’s that

Ebony and i are cuddlers through and through. if i had longer hair he’d always be braiding it lmao and it loves making me kandi jewelry that i cant wear cos it’s imaginary </3 faer primary love language is physical touch for sure (words of affirmation is a close second)

Nikola just loves spending time with me and telling me everything on its mind <3 they also love sharing fun facts about the world cos it knows i love learning. their primary love language is quality time

Angelo is always wanting to slow dance with me, even though im not a good dancer lmao. he’s very romantic and sensual, so fae’re always trying to sweep me off my feet by waxing poetic. magics primary love language is a tie between gift giving and acts of service

Hope enjoys singing to me, especially to try and help me fall asleep at night. it doesn’t always work but the gestures there lmao. she’ll run his fingers through my hair and softly serenade me and fuck im so touch starved KAJDJDDJF her primary love language is acts of service (quality time is a close second)

Ophelia writes me poetry and performs it (not in a bombastic way, just… a gentle delivery that speaks for itself). they get help from Angelo for this lmao but it’s always 100% her writing. her primary love language is quality time (physical touch is a close second)

Mary Jane is also a big cuddler, and, of course, enjoys smoke sessions. it also enjoys joint cooking sessions (pun intended), where we both cook something :3 its primary love language is physical touch and quality time

i hope i answered these well :3

[brandstifter-sys]

Cardiac

Word Count: 884                                                         (Ao3)

Pairing: Dukexiety (alluded royalceit)

Rating: T+

Warnings: Blood, mild body horror, sex mention

Remus is aromantic and ready to bitch about it to an equally aro emo. Luckily for him, Virgil knows just what to do to take romance out of getting a boyfriend

it’s late and I don’t care, have a fic

---

It was the one day of the year that Roman was insufferable. Pink and red hearts seemed to float around him wherever he went, and then they slammed onto the walls, decorating them for the holiday. 

Remus fucking hated it. Valentine's Day was supposed to be just another saint day, about a guy who got offed for marrying people evading recruitment. There was no reason to get all mushy and lovey dovey, and suffocate everyone else. If it weren't for the copious amounts of sex happening, Remus would be on a murder spree! 

Virgil wasn't a fan of the romantic stuff either, but he didn't mind if the people around him got sappy. It was good for blackmail material—he had proof that Janus was trying to woo both Patton and Roman. The only problem he had was a stupid mesh on a feral himbo who was one wink away from recreating the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

 "Oh fuck, he got here before I could!" 

Virgil looked up from his phone and saw Remus standing at the foot of his bed, glaring at the wall. Of course he found the one poster with hearts on it. Black, broken, bleeding hearts. They were definitely Roman’s work and not a step away from Halloween decor. 

"Roman hasn't been here since January," Virgil said flatly and locked his phone. He knew he wouldn't get back to scrolling through conspiracy videos for a while. Remus was on the edge of a rant.

"Thank God! I'm so sick of the lovey dovey bullshit!" Remus groaned and clutched his hand to his chest,

"Ooh! I love you so much! You can have my heart, even though it’s not a heart and I'm giving you something shaped like a contraceptive and I don't want to fuck!" he said, mimicking his brother's usual grandiose tone. 

"No sane person actually wants to rip out their heart of their chest to give it away," Virgil sighed, "But the metaphor is annoying. It’s better if you just rip your heart out and hand it over." 

Remus' eyes lit up wickedly. 

"Are you suggesting that I would do something like that?" he jeered and plopped on the bed, facing Virgil. 

"In a romantic way? No. Never. And not in a queerplatonic way. Maybe alterous, but you would do something different," Virgil shrugged, not looking at his face. It was unfair how cute Remus could be when he was trying to be challenging. 

"Do tell!" Remus giggled, relaxing his shoulders. Virgil eyed him thoughtfully and rolled up his sleeve. 

Remus yelped when Virgil slammed his hand through his ribcage, forcing him to spit up blood.  His eyes were wide, staring at Virgil's arm sticking out of his chest along with a few broken ribs. 

Virgil licked his lips before grabbing the slimy, pulsing mass of muscle. With a flick of his wrist and a forceful tug, he tore Remus' heart from his chest and held it up. 

"You'd call dibs and eat theirs," Virgil hummed and admired the thundering heart in his hand. Remus was watching him with starry eyes. 

"Are you gonna eat that?" Remus gawked. 

"I don't have to, considering this is what I think you would do to someone you like, have a squish or a mesh on." 

Remus paused and studied Virgil as he shied away, still holding the beating heart, squelching blood all over his hand. He was so cute, hiding behind his bangs. 

Remus slammed his hand into Virgil's chest and grabbed his heart. Virgil groaned when Remus shattered his ribs and tore it out. 

"Now will you eat it?" Remus jeered and brought Virgil's heart to his mouth. Virgil was gawking at him, blushing furiously.

Virgil shook his head and carefully placed Remus' heart in his own vacant chest cavity, setting his ribs back in place around it. 

"I'm not you," he said softly and closed his wound, "But I'm not giving it back." 

“I don’t want it back! But in exchange, I want an alterous boytoy!” Remus hummed and licked up some of the blood spurting from Virgil’s heart. He waited and watched Virgil squirm, weighing his options like he always did. Remus decided to stuff Virgil’s heart in his chest cavity and close it up while he waited. 

He didn’t have to wait long. Virgil grabbed his face with his bloody hands and kissed him like he would never get another chance. He squeaked when Remus dragged him closer by the butt and kissed back with just as much enthusiasm and twice as much spit. 

Virgil pulled away panting with blood on his lips and rested his forehead against Remus’. He was smiling softly and his eyeshadow was bright purple. 

“How about we stay here for the rest of the day and watch some trashy horror movies? I can grab some snacks,” Virgil suggested. 

“You mean snacks other than you and me, and the Evil Dead!” Remus giggled, not letting go of his butt. 

“Yeah, you dork,” Virgil snorted.

“Yeah! We can make it Halloween again!” Remus beamed, “Let’s do it!”

Virgil smirked and licked his cheek, cleaning off some of the blood, and got up, “I’ll be right back. Don’t strip while I’m gone. That’s my job.” 

Remus grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. Maybe Valentine’s Day wasn’t so bad.

[tscritical]

Hello there 👋🏻

I left the sanders sides fandom and blocked every tag just short of four years ago, just after the release of DWIT. Now, there is no obligation for you to answer this ask, but if you feel up to it, think you could fill me in on everything that’s gone down? Has there really not been another ‘proper’ episode since then? Like I said, you aren’t obligated to answer. It just, seems like there’s been a lot. Thought it would be easier to ask someone. Thanks for your time.

im putting this under a read more cos. shit gets extensive

ok so here’s the shitty rundown:

if you remember, at the end of dwit virgil confessed to having been a “dark side” in the past, and thomas didn’t seem to take it well

the next episode was a sanders asides, which is basically,, shorter videos that were promised to give us more content (lie)

in this asides, thomas found out his friend was like. an ex homophobe. and somehow that’s a parallel to virgil having been a dark side??? ok

basically thomas realized he needed to accept virgil for everything he was, including his past. but they couldn’t come up with a better allegory. so it’s apparently canon that thomas thinks of dark sides as being the same as. ex bigots. idfk

about a year later, the svs redux came out. oh boy

thomas got back from the wedding, sang a song with patton and roman about how it sucked because lee and mary lee didn’t drop everything to spend time with him instead of. celebrating their fucking wedding. thomas basically said “wahhh why won’t lee and mary lee talk to me instead of focusing on themselves at their own wedding 😡😡😡😡” which like. whatever i guess

they debated on whether it would’ve been better to discuss the wedding vs callback decision with lee and mary lee beforehand and patton was like “but they may have been sad if you picked the wedding, and they would’ve been sad if you picked the callback” blah blah

logan came in as a pixelated pop up (called “logans lowdowns”) and was like “im gonna give helpful information via text box” and no one bothered to read them cos they’re jerks (I DID. MY REACT VIDEO PROVES IT. real logan stans read the text and then had to rewind the video to hear the other dorks jshdjdjfjf)

ultimately patton ended up suggesting that thomas should sacrifice himself for others. and also he should only take care of himself in emergency situations. and he turned into a frog

oh yeah and then deceit popped in and was like “patton you’re being a little extra” and explained that if you only take care of yourself in emergency situations, you won’t be nearly as equipped to handle it as you would be if you. you know. utilized self care a more reasonable amount

then roman was like “shut up deceit” and deceit was like “my name is janus” and roman was like “shut up janus, also that name is stupid” and janus was like “well you’re the evil twin so suck on that”

im doing a bad job of explaining the tension but holy SHIT this video…

anyway, after the redux was flirting with social anxiety, which is another asides. it’s an animatic because covid prevented thomas from actually going to the mall but anyway

thomas went to the mall having one mini moral crisis after another, until he saw a cute guy he wanted to talk to. but virgil was like “hell no” and roman was like “hell yes” and they basically spent the entire video arguing over whether it was a good idea to approach a stranger (regardless of how cute said stranger was)

ultimately, thomas and the stranger, nico flores, managed to get to talking, and they really seemed to hit it off! thus followed a really cute end credit scene back at the apartment, i really recommend watching that part on its own i fucking love it

the next episode was the third and final (so far) asides, in which thomas has sought help from logan in basically getting his life together, starting with cleaning his apartment

throughout the endeavor, thomas tries to follow the plan logan helped him get together in order to get it done, but remus has plans of his own. with every step thomas takes, remus puts a bear trap in his path. you know. metaphorically

oh yeah and the subplot is that thomas texted nico something stupid and he hasn’t responded and thomas is like “pls god why” probably because he’s worried he scared nico off (i can’t remember what the text said but i think it was cringe? idk hsjdhdj)

logan is trying to help thomas work through his intrusive thoughts… hence the title of the video jsjdjfkfk but remus is pretty relentless. finally, logan approaches remus and is like “what the fuck dude” and remus is like. well y’all know what remus is like akdjkdjfkf

remus starts ignoring logan and logans eyes glow orange and he’s like “STOP IGNORING ME” and remus is turned on or something and he’s like “but who do you really wanna scream that at?”

nico calls thomas and is like “wanna look at art?” and thomas is like “hell yeah” and leaves in the middle of cleaning which makes logan sad and ill kill thomas for making logan sad /j (there was also ominous vague foreshadowing from janus eating an apple in a tree or some shit idk)

then there’s the five year anniversary shit. which is like. pointless skhddkjf it’s basically thomas asking the sides shit about the series and it’s mostly fluff until you look into it. pretty much on the surface level kahdjdfjfk

i don’t remember it well i only watched it a couple times so

im not gonna talk about can plushies improve our health it makes me too mad

then the last video in the sanders sides playlist is the over the garden wall cover which i recommend simply because thomas/janus’s voice is so good and the vibes are so soft i cant

and there ya have it. you’re caught up now. now i have a question for you; what the FUCK do you mean, “four years ago, just after the release of dwit”. that was two years ago you are lying to me /j

[touyubesposts]

Holy shit, The mind electric by Chonny Jash makes my Sander Sides hyperfixation hit DIFFERENT-

Especially if you look at the heart segment as Patton and Janus, The mind section as Logan and Virgil, and the soul segment as Roman and Remus.

To further my point, here are some actual lyrics from the song ((with notes by me)):

The Heart segment:

But as complacency settles, anxieties will rise

And part this Soul as Jekyll parted Hyde

Now I’m but half of a hollow man’s lies:

The love, the hate, the еmotional side

((LIKE BROO???? Janus and Patton talking about doing nothing will just make Virgil be anxious and talking about how Thomas has them seperated))

“I know I’m weak. I know that I’m vile

But sometimes that is needed to survive.”

That’s what I’ll say to rationalize

“I’m needed if we’re to stay alive.”

((Janus trying to convince himself he is needed))

And yet, here I lie with black, sunken eyes

My Mind’s consigned our sighs to a leaden void

The Soul remains tempered. I remain plied

Condemned ‘til we are both all but destroyed

((Patton sad that Logan and Virgil are convinced that emotion is not needed, convinced that this will do more bad than good.))

But I know that one plus one can’t equal two

If happiness is both our truths

Our total sum must equal one if we’re to find that golden hue

((Basically like ‘Hey, guys! We need to be apart of this whether you like it or not!’ Also trying to convince the others that happiness is the ultimate goal.))

See how The Mind tricks The Soul

Into being something sickly, dead and cold

As you feel it start to tire and fester so, so slowly

Up until the point where it will finally die

Just in time to see what could have been

((Talking about Virgil and Logan trying to convince Roman and Remus to be on their side?? Also talking about how this is a bad idea because they could pass opportunities. God, I need an animatic and I need it now-))

Do what you want, you automaton freak

No, I can no longer bring myself to care

This hollowed out vessel’s beginning to creak

So take control, let’s see how you fare

((Janus being sassy before the Parts change? Iconic.))

The mind segment:

Resident Heart is feeble and frail

A scourge to purge; due diligence is all

Silent, sad outbursts, inaudible wails

Dictate he never does as he’s told

((Logan and Virgil talking about Patton? Mad he’s doing his job and has emotion, talk about projection.)

Fathers of fathers, brothers of sons

Deterred from being what they know they can

All because Heart refuses to run

This creature hardly resembles a man

((Once again, these boys trash-talking Patton, but now also bringing the ‘sons’ into this (R&R)))

My logic is the absolute

His pity parties simply harm these chances at an apt repute:

Esteemed regard in place of mockery

((Logan talking about the others and how he needs to be listened to more))

I’m sure it seems from his point of view

That I’m a simple, cynical machine

But is it so hard to see the whole truth?

I merely seek a Soul that’s pristine

((Virgil talking about Janus and how he only wants the best for Thomas))

See how The Heart plays profound

(See how he lies.)

But the depth is insincere

A pathetic, thin veneer

All the pain, regret and fear still resound

((Just more L and V talking shit, but more specifically critiquing on how Patton and Janus both think they know best when they don’t))

Though I seem harsh in all my assessments

We each seek a life lived in the light

Yet, there lies our Heart, engulfed in resentment

Stubborn, pale akaryocyte

((Logan being like ‘yeah, I was a little harsh, but I’m not gonna fucking apologize because something needs to be done.’ Also equated ‘having emotions’ as having a ‘virus’ because that's what akaryocyte means))

The soul segment:

Call me The Soul or call me my name

Oh, label me whatever you would like

Call me your host or call me insane

If that will help you stay in line

((Basically an introduction, but also why I put Remus as the soul because he would be like ‘Yeah, I’m insane, sure, but it works, doesn’t it?’))

Fathers of fathers, I know that I’m vile

Let’s see how long it takes to murder me

Neither is wrong, yet neither is right

Condemn him to the infirmary

((Remus basically knowing his job is to be terrible and telling Patton “hey, I’m the exact opposite of you. And if you hate it so much, kill me.” While Roman is like “both sides have points, but I don’t know who to choose”))

I. Am. Me.

((You can’t tell me this isn’t all of them shouting this at the same time. They a frustrated bunch.))

See how the brain plays around

And it splits what once was whole down into three

And you fall inside a hole, inside a

Someone help me

Understand what’s going on behind my eyes

Doctor, I can’t tell if I’m not me

((The creativity twins both mad at Logan and Virgil for digging deeper into the psyche, trying to make sense of things.))

See how they fight all day

The other half won’t hear what’s had to say

It’s just the game they play here in this labyrinth maze

((Do I... Do I need to over-analyze this line? I feel like this one does the job for me))

Tridential regicide

I won’t hesitate to kill my Heart and Mind

I will abdicate these deviants sat inside

I’ll take you down in tandem when this rope is tied

((Basically both of them saying ‘this fighting is gonna kill me and, in turn, us.))

And this was a lot longer than I intended. And there are parts I didn’t even get to! Please listen! God, it's so good.

[vinbee631]

16 - Fear or Love, Baby? Don’t Say The Answer (Actions Speak Louder) 

Prodigal Sons and Daughters Alike

The rest of the weekend passed much faster than Virgil expected it to. He didn’t have any work to do, but he found that his time was sufficiently taken up by being stuck in his own head.

He was… what Patton had said to him, their conversion yesterday, it- he couldn’t figure out why he was still stuck on it, why something he said was tugging at him, had been tugging at him all day.

Chapter title from Louder than Words from tick, tick… BOOM! This is where it really gets heavy aka: the Big Argument. i don't know why i did this to myself, my two favorite characters and I make them have an existential argument lmao

The rest of the weekend passed much faster than Virgil expected it to. He didn’t have any work to do, but he found that his time was sufficiently taken up by being stuck in his own head.

He was… what Patton had said to him, their conversion yesterday, it- he couldn’t figure out why he was still stuck on it, why something he said was tugging at him, had been tugging at him all day.

Maybe… he just needed to remember everything Patton said, and figure out exactly what he said that made him think so hard. That could work.

He’d said… “Perfectionism is a waste of energy. And, okay, that was somewhat true, for Patton. But, perfectionism was just how Virgil lived. It was… likely an unchangeable part of his personality, at this rate. 

That wasn’t necessarily a problem, nor did he dislike that fact. Sure, needed everything to be perfect could be a pain in the ass some days, but it did help him be his best self at the end.

Besides, while culinary stuff was variable, recipes somewhat changeable without fucking up the entire dish, music and instrumentation, especially in an orchestra setting, was not. That advice couldn’t apply to an entirely different playing field. 

So, not that, then. But… but there was something. There had to be something, or he wouldn’t be sitting here, stuck in his thoughts for hours.

What else had Patton said?

“I try to challenge myself to try new things.” 

Had Virgil- challenged himself, lately? Or ever? Well, that was a stupid question, of course, he had. Learning not one but two instruments at a young age, and mastering them as he got older, was extremely challenging. He pushed himself daily to learn and grow his sills. 

And, all his new music, this school… yeah, yeah, he was challenging himself, he was learning and growing still. That was… that wasn’t the problem, he was pretty sure he was still missing something.

“It’s fun, to see what food is capable of.”

That was it.

Fun. Virgil had fun. He thought scheduling was fun, he thought practicing was fun, and besides, he had still just recently pushed himself out of the comfort zone of being homeschooled his whole life. He didn’t think it was particularly fun to talk to people, so he didn’t.

But, then… his productivity increase with Logan. He… teased Janus, and he teased back. Roman had- perhaps not argued, with him, but their discussion, ending in… well, Virgil had been shocked how consistently happy those movies seemed to make him. 

And Patton… yeah. 

Those things were fun, for all of them. Studying and productivity, casual conversation (and sarcasm, of course), music and movies, and baking, especially with friends.

Virgil.

Did Virgil… have anything that made him so happy?

What- of course he did, what the hell was he thinking? He had his instruments, he played them all the time. Practicing was fun, he enjoyed it, hence why he did it so often. 

Right?

He huffed at himself. Of course, he had fun. He wasn’t sure why his brain was trying to convince him otherwise. He was happy with where he was in life, he was comfortable. 

…Having fun and being comfortable were not the same thing, though, were they?

Virgil groaned, this was all getting far too complicated on a day he had been attempting to use for relaxing. Not the time for existential crises, thanks. 

He ended up taking his own advice for the second time in just two days and hefted himself out of bed. Maybe not the same spot he’d been yesterday, but he needed a neutral, quiet space to relax. Probably. Maybe that would help.

It was by sheer dumb luck, and possibly a bit of divine intervention, that he opened the door just as Remus was moving to knock on it. 

Virgil glared at him, backing up slightly from where he was still holding the door open. “Do you need something?”

“I do, actually! If you’re free, that is. Don’t wanna interrupt ya if you’re busy, but I kind of wanted a second- or I guess it would be, like, fifth now- opinion on something I’m working on? No pressure though.”

“Go for it.” Virgil had already been coaxed into interacting with all of the other roommates, and this seemed innocent enough. He still didn’t quite trust Remus, but he did have a lot of free time at the moment. 

Overthinking wasn’t getting him anywhere at this point, so he shouldered past the doubt and followed Remus back to his room to look at his artwork.

“This is another project me and Mica did together. Er, I don’t know if you know him, but he’s in my track, and a lot of my classes, so this isn’t the first piece we’ve worked on together. But anyway, the whole- prompt thingy was to combine art mediums that are hard to combine, or like- unconventional? Soo…”

Remus turned around the, frankly comically small, canvas to reveal it was covered in pottery.

“Did you- has that been fired?” Virgil stared, transfixed at the- was there even canvas under there?

Remus grinned. “You know pottery terms! Yeah, we fired it two days ago. Our teacher was a little worried it would fuck up the canvas-” Well, that answered one of Virgil’s many questions- “but it seems otherwise unharmed!

“Anyway, we’ve talked about it for a while, but neither of us knows how we should glaze it. I know we’re not in the same track, but none of the other roomies are either, and I’ve already talked to them. Nothing’s been… we’re not super- inspired, I guess. But we have to finish it, soooo- any ideas? Just out of curiosity, if nothing comes to mind, that’s fine!” 

Virgil stared at the canvas for a bit, mostly out of bafflement. True, he didn’t know much about pottery, or really anything about art, but he had literally never seen anything like this before. That had to mean something good, right?

He shook himself out of that sidetrack and focused back on the question at hand. “I mean, not gonna lie, it’s- pretty cool as it is. But, with the- lumps, I guess, that you have on there, you could make it… kinda like one of those optical illusions? Something- I guess either the typical black and what patter, or a bunch of psychedelic neon colors? Possibly?” 

“Hey, not bad, Virgil!” Remus grinned. “I’ll let you know if we use that, and honestly, that’s one of the best ideas I’ve heard so far!”

“Glad I could help, I guess.” Virgil gave a small wave, and now, finally, he could go find somewhere more private to destress. Maybe the third floor? He was never up there, it was usually upperclassmen, though maybe they liked to hang out up there on weekends? He’d have to find out.

Before he could make it out the door, however, Remus stopped him once more.

“Oh, by the way, me and the others were planning on signing up for that van trip to the city next week. I dunno if Pat already brought it up with you or not, but we all wanted you to know that you are very much invited to hang out with us! No pressure, though.”

Virgil shrugged. “I’ll pass. I wouldn’t wanna… get in the way, or anything. You guys… aren’t really friends with me, or anything. I don’t need a- pity invite, or whatever this is.”

Remus furrowed his eyebrows. “What? No, no, it’s not pity, we want you there! And, well, yeah, we’re not super close, but not for lack of trying! Did you think that all the times we’ve run into you these past three weeks were just- accidental?”

Virgil blinked. “I… yes? What was I supposed to think, that you were all subtly stalking me until you had the chance to corner me and force me to socially interact?”

Remus must have thought that was a joke, as he chuckled awkwardly in response. “Uh, definitely not. And, we were never forcing you. We just wanted you to- have the option to get to know us more casually.”

“We?” 

“I mean… yes? We all had our own ideas for getting to know you without making you wildly uncomfortable like I did. Well, some of the group weren’t- super enthusiastic about the possibility of upsetting you again, and Janus really didn’t have any clue how to do something other than talking with you, but that one worked itself out.”

“What… what are you talking about? Did you… did you plan all this out? It was… it wasn’t just a coincidence, me running into you guys so many times?”

Remus shrugged. “I mean, I did talk to the others and asked for their about the whole, post-it note plan. And when that didn’t work, I got a great bit of advice from… someone else on how to try to get to know you better without pushing you out of your comfort zone. The others just… agreed to try that, with me.”

“...Plan. You…” Virgil trailed off, his confused frown turning sharper, angrier. “It’s not… you don’t plan out, being someone’s friend. You… it was all random. The- running into me and happening to need help with something, with everyone. There’s… it’s not a fucking agreement to start winning over a friend like you would a partner. It just… it just happens.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Well, yes, it was random, like I said. We weren’t stalking you or anything. But like… we talked about it some, before we reached out to you. We talk about basically everything, y’know, and that includes you, to some extent.”

“What do you mean, you talk about me?” Remus’ eyes blew comically wide, and Virgil would have laughed if he could. “Not in that way! Or, if you’re not thinking that in a creepy way, that’s good, ‘cause it’s not! But uh… yeah, sometimes. All good things and that junk, but- yes? I mean, how else were we supposed to know if the ideas we came up with worked or not?”

Unbeknownst to Remus, Virgil had gone from cautiously angry to outright furious. “So, it was all a fucking idea then? You… you planned it all out so you could gang up on me at the end?” 

“N-no! Virgil, of course not! We all just want to be friends with you it just took… a little bit of communal brainstorming to figure out a way to reach out to you without fucking up like I did!” Remus tried to reassure him, but Virgil was barely hearing it.

“With all the others.” He said, the rage smoothing out to something cold as he stared Remus down. “The… Logan needed a study partner, Janus had a group project problem, your… your brother got stuck choosing a song, Patton wanted a… a friend to bake with. And… that- it was all just a plan?”

“I… I guess, kind of. It wasn’t as premeditated as you seem to think, though. Everyone got to choose their one ways to spend time with you, we just… talked about the initial idea together first.”

“But… none of them… they wouldn’t have reached out if you hadn’t suggested to them that they should! You just… this is last time all over again, but instead of… little fucking pieces of paper everywhere you manipulated other fucking people!” 

“What? No! Of course I… Virgil, I promise that’s not what I was- what we were doing, I-”

“No, you shut the fuck up,” he snarled. “I thought maybe I was being unreasonable by not trusting you, but now, I guess overthinking did get me somewhere. Go find someone else to waste your time on because I’m done falling for your fucking harassment.” “I- Virgil, please, just… the others would tell you the same thing! If you would… if you would just talk to us, we could-”

“Enough! Just take a fucking hint already and leave me alone!” Before Remus could finish explaining, Virgil was gone, his scream echoing along with the slam of his own bedroom door across the hall. 

He hadn’t meant for it to go this way. That was why he was being so careful in the first place. But, as he stared, shell-shocked, at the spot where Virgil had been just moments ago, not breaking out of his stupor even as his brother rushed in to see what had happened, no amount of good intention could save him from the overwhelming guilt he felt for hurting Virgil so badly.

Remus needed to fix things, but this time, he needed some much bigger help. 

[sometimes-love-is-enough]

2, 4 (eucatastrophe), 7, 12, 15-16-17, 23, 24, 41, 47, 49 (melliferous) :>

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

Body Horror (5)

Remix (4)

Friendship (3)

Suicidal Thoughts (3)

Time Loop (2)

I don't think they don't represent my writing habits, I'm just kind of surprised more common tags aren't in there.

4. What detail in [insert fic] are you really proud of?

It's very simple and very stupid, but I really love that Thomas's reaction to seeing Janus for the first time in Syzygy is 'so beautiful. so mysterious. i'm in love' and Janus's POV of the exact same moment is 'what the fuck is wrong with him. he needs a fucking nap'. It makes me laugh.

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

most of my favorite worldbuilding I've done in Syzygy hasn't come up just yet, but I'm really fond of a lot of the stuff I did there that I've been explaining through epistolary. apart from that, the whole 'fae seven year sacrifice recontextualized as a eldritch lovecraftian ritual' is definitely up there.

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

tragedy babyyyyy

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

genuinely, it's still the Inception AU (not really an AU, I guess? I guess it's more like a flat crossover since it's actually plausibly canon in both universes. Okay. I'll pick another one) melliferous OBVIOUSLY

16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

hmmmm Fallen London AU. I just think it would be neat. Also, see answer to next question.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

the one I occasionally rotate in my brain is the dungeons and daddies au. (NOT a bdsm AU) instead, it's the AU of six sides flung into the forgotten realms to rescue their missing centre, except they're all really bad at D&D. this week's side fact: patton is like 50/50 on the moon landing actually happening, to logan's intense anger. the other one i've been rotating i plan on writing next year so we'll see how that pans out

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

i want to do a soulmate AU to specifically deconstruct the idea of soulmate AUs. and/or hanahaki, same thing. i've had some ideas in the past but never got around to writing them.

24. Are there any easter eggs in [insert fic], and if so, what are they?

you didn't specify a fic so I'm going to go with Syzygy and I'm pleased to announce that quite a lot of the epistolary sections feature mini-cameos from either friends of mine or writing projects that i never ended up finishing. the play that thomas is in is vaguely based off a story i wrote in high school, everyone in the hollow-host.net chat room in chapter two is from one of my group chats (guess which one is me). oh, and in the review of AAHTDTL in chapter one, two of the plays listed are (obviously) Melliferous and Eucatastrophe.

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

In this fandom? Love and Other Fairy Tales kicked my brain with electric shoes and set me into writing overdrive with fairy emotions and a feeling's not a thing you own did the same with Thomas-Side feelings.

47. If [insert fic] was a pair of shoes, what kind would it be? Describe the shoes.

i assume this one's for melliferous. a good pair of walking boots that you loved dearly, but they're kind of squishy with all the honey you've been walking through and you know you're going to lose them eventually.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

Got the next chapter of Syzygy all drafted out, just need to polish it. It includes the phrase 'snex life' and a background weedmobile. Here's a bit:

Thomas isn’t sure if he should be shaking Janus’s hand or not. It seems like it would be a weird sort of thing to do. He actually kind of just wants to hug Janus as hard as he can, but that seems like an even weirder thing to do. He settles for a normal-person verbal introduction, instead. “Um, my name’s Thomas. Hi.”

For some reason, this gets a small frown out of Janus. “It is?”

“I... think so?” Thomas says, momentarily doubting it, before he shakes his head. “No, it is. Thomas. Thomas Sanders. Why are we being so weird about our names?”

the other thing i'm currently working on is a plan and research for (what will hopefully be) next year's big bang fic. nothing non-spoilery there to share, unfortunately. talk more about that later!