#AND I AM GONNA SPEND AT LEAST 3 HOURS CRYING OVER IT

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[munsonsreputation]

HITS DIFFERENT ('CAUSE IT'S YOU)

steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: [7.6K]

warnings: warnings: no use of y/n, exes to lovers, cursing (plenty), angsty, mentions of alcohol and reader throwing up, reader and steve arguing (just a bit), angst mixed in with humor (my personal fave), reader crying (she does a lot), mis communication, uses of a home phone and answering machine, stupid idiots confessing their love <3

summary: you never would have thought that steve harrington could ever break your heart...after all, he was all that you wanted. however, after a sudden breakup you find yourself struggling to move on from him. moving on was always easy for you to do, but you just don't understand why you can't get over steve. after a night out with nancy and robin you question if love really is a thing or if it's just a complete lie.

Two weeks.

Fourteen days.

The most grueling three hundred and sixty-six hours of your life, and here you were sat at the bar with your best friends on either side of you. The two of them buying you drinks and talking shit about your ex-boyfriend to try to make you feel a little better.

But in all fairness, it’s the best you felt in those two weeks, so you’d take a night full of shots and half-drunk euphoria over one full of tears and sadness in bed.

“Another round?” The bartender glided over with a smile on his unshaven face as he compiled the shot glasses on a plate.

You swung your head, cringing as you bit down on the lime slice to chase the vodka burning your throat. The three of you were on a roll, drinking ever since you entered the club without a care for stopping.

Nancy hiccuped in, looking between you and Robin, knowing you should cool it on the drinking, “M-maybe some water?” she requested as the two of you nodded in agreement.

He laughed freely at all three of you girls’ halt on shots. “Coming right up,” he spun around, grabbing a few waters and clean glasses.

Robin turned her eyes towards you, her fist lazily reinforcing her head as she could feel the alcohol slowing hitting her, “Are ya having fun?”

���Hmmm…” You pretended to think for a moment before putting on your best smile, “’course I am, you know I always have fun with you two.”

Robin and Nancy shot a concerning look at each other while you were distracted by the water pushed towards you, downing the glass.

They knew things weren’t easy for you, at least right now. They had spent the last few days trying to convince you to go out and try to have fun in hopes of helping you get over the untimely breakup. After spending the first week locked up in your apartment, wallowing, they had tried to get you to come out and get some much needed girl’s time.

And for a minute they thought that they had cracked you, getting you to tag along at the beach, but unfortunately the experience just made you feel worse about yourself. Seeing too many happy couples splashing in the water or writing each other’s initials in the sand around a big heart—you were totally broken hearted.

Nancy and Robin had to practically drag you back to your apartment, a sobbing mess. What they didn’t know was that the last date that you and Steve went on was to that exact beach. Memories of you and him running barefoot across the sand and splashing each other with the salty ocean water.

Thankfully, you had gotten your shit together, or at least tried to for tonight. You were grateful to have friends who were so committed to making sure you were ok in times like these. But they could also see through the facade. You hadn’t mentioned his name all night. The first in the last couple of days where all you could think and talk about was him.

“I know, but you can also talk to us about anything you’re feeling,” Nancy started, her hands coming up to warmly caress your shoulder, “We’re always gonna be here for you.”

You inhaled, eyes glittering with a sheen of salty liquid and a genuine smile creeping onto your face as you threw your arms around her neck and pulled her into a hug. You could hear the muffled laughter of Robin’s voice behind you through the music, feeling her wrap her arms around the two of you and join in on the hug.

“I love you guys.” You murmured, feeling their smile and giggle on your skin, reciting it back to you before they stretched away.

Again, the bartender stood behind the bar, arms crisscrossed over his rib cage as he rose his brows towards you, “So what did he do? Cheat or ghost you?”

Your eyes squinted at him, evidently taken aback by his intrusion as you set your glass down, “W-what?”

He snickered inwardly, leaning closer to the bar, nearly face to face with you before you scooched back, “No group of girls just comes to a club on a Friday night crying for no reason, y’know?”

The bartender tried to be silly, laughing at himself and towards you and your friends like you’d even give him a giggle. Instead, you wanted to reach over the table and give him a piece of your mind. That yeah, maybe you were here sitting at a bar crying over Steve Harrington, but Steve would never cheat or ghost you.

Never.

But before you could even begin explaining that to him, Nancy cut in. Both of her palms resting on the surface as she pushed herself forward, face to face with the man, staring him down and watching him cower.

“Look it’s none of your business. We’re here to have a good time, not to explain ourselves to an eavesdropper.” Her voice spiked with firmness, standing her ground while the bartender smirked, holding his hands up in defense, and backed away.

You felt a squeeze on your shoulder coming from Robin who gave you an encouraging smile, but you could tell that beneath that she was worried for you. Most times you wouldn’t hesitate to put someone like him in his place for being so invasive, but these days it just felt like you didn’t have the energy for anything, let alone picking fights with strangers.

Nancy settled back comfortably into her chair and you mouthed a “thank you” towards her, and all she did was shake her head and give you those comforting eyes that let you know that she would’ve done it either way for you.

You didn’t want to feel like you needed to defend yourself, but part of you wished that you didn’t have to be here in the first place. That if Steve didn’t break your heart, you’d just be with him and the rest of your friends back at your apartment watching a shit-load of movies until you fell asleep.

But instead you were here, moping and trying to numb away your pain with drinks, like a goddamn rom-com. Except your prince charming wasn’t going to waltz in any minute and beg for your forgiveness.

You wished you could’ve just spent your night forgetting this interaction with that stupid bartender even happened, but as swiftly as the privacy came, it died once again with him invading your personal bubble.

A tray of freshly poured shots slid its way towards you, along with the cough of the man who gained your attention. “The shots are on the house and it’s my bad…I didn’t mean to make you girls angry.”

You took a deep breath, shoulders dropping heavily, only reaching for a glass and toasting it up to him, “It’s whatever…no hard feelings, dude.”

With that you chugged the alcohol, not bothering to even chase it with lime or salt, like you had been doing all night. Nancy and Robin did the same, mumbling a “thank you” to the man and taking their own shot.

He should’ve left it at that, but of course just like any other man, they always had to go and ruin it.

“Buuut…” his tone condescending with just that one word alone, “love is a complete and utter lie anyway so try not to think so hard about it.”

His lips twisted up in a smirk as if he had just played you, but you were really just not having any of it anymore. You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol beginning to really kick in and give you an edge or if you were really just ticked off, but you didn’t think twice before reaching for Nancy’s half-full cup of water and chucking the rest of it at the man.

“You’re such an asshole!” You slurred noisily followed by the gasps of the other bystanders who watched it unfold.

“Oh, my god!” Robin shrieked, clamping a hand over her mouth as she watched the man completely lose his shit over some water.

It all happened so fast, and you really were about to go across the bar and throw every single drink at this man just so you could release all this pent up sadness and frustration, but something stopped you. That familiar tune beginning to play over the speakers. That song that was Steve’s favorite blaring in your ears and it just made you want to cry.

You never would have thought you’d ever throw a drink into any person’s face. Never ever. Sure, you’d fantasize about it, and wish you could to ever rude person you met.

But you never did…not until tonight.

You don’t know what overcame you, but it all just felt so wrong.

Nancy quickly helped you up out of the barstool, while Robin exhanged a few curse words and thrown middle fingers at the man before following you two outside of the club before you would have been escorted out by security.

You couldn’t control the sobs that were leaving your mouth and tears slipping down your cheeks. This isn’t what you wanted at all, and this wasn’t how the night was supposed to play out.

You had it all planned out in your head.

You three would just spend the night drinking your worries away and dancing to overplayed club music until your feet hurt and you would have to hail a cab barefoot down the street.

But of course, nothing was ever how it was supposed to be.

“Here, let’s sit,” Nancy suggested, wandering a few blocks away from the place and helping you sit down on the curb.

“Oh honey,” Robin murmured, coming to the other side of you and wrapping her arms across your shoulders, “Don’t listen to that prick. He has no idea what he’s talking about!”

Nancy ran her palms up and down your arms, trying to warm you up from the chilly night air, “Mhm! He’s probably just angry because he’s never been in love before.”

With your breath uneasy, you lifted your face from your hands, revealing the mascara smeared cheeks where the salty tears continued to pour.

“Love isn’t a lie! It can’t be…”

You looked at them in disbelief like this breakup was so catastrophic…because it was and it was painting you blue. The kind of messy and discolored shades of every blue fusing together and turning your soul into grey goop.

You were a mess.

Nance gulped, not really sure of what to say because your emotions had never got this bad. Back in the first week of the breakup, she and Robin would hold you while you cried and told them how lonely you were, but this was something different.

“A—and no one is saying it’s a lie! Love isn’t a lie, hun.” She told you, stroking your hair back from where it was sticking to your wet cheeks.

You couldn’t help collapsing into Nancy’s lap, hiding your face and hands on top of her where you wept violently. She felt the strings tugging on her heart, watching you break down, rubbing circles on your back to try to get you to calm down.

Her eyes narrowing towards Robin and mouthing, “say something to make her feel better!”

Robin wasn’t so good with these emotions, either. Smacking her hand on top of her forehead and opening her mouth to try to form words, but she struggled a bit, but not before Nancy smacked her leg lightly, begging her to say something quick.

“Y-you know…ummm love isn’t a complete lie…it’s just that ummm, you know sometimes things just don’t work out, but when you meet someone and it feels right, you just know…you know that it’s love.”

You rocked your head in your hands, your heart being pulled in a million different directions, yet still falling apart because you knew that you only ever had that feeling with Steve. He was the person who felt right. And you feared that it was always going to be him.

Nancy and Robin continued rubbing reassuring circles on your back, and you even felt the warmth of a Robin’s jacket being draped across body. There was no good reason as to why your two best friends should be doing this right now. And you probably wouldn’t have blamed them if they had just left you here to fend for yourself because you were a total mess and you really felt like your sadness was contagious—infecting them and ruining their night.

They had their own significant others, Jonathan and Vicky, who probably would have given them a better night than tonight. At least, they had people coming home to them, probably thinking about what they were up to, maybe something fun and looking forward to receiving one of those drunk calls asking them to come and pick them up. But no, they were here, already sobered up and comforting their heartbroken wreck of a friend.

“B-but what if it’s really a lie?” You hiccuped quietly, withdrawing your head from Nancy’s lap, and struggling to swipe away at the never ending puddle of tears.

Robin adjusted her jacket over your shoulders, hugging you firmly and Nance doing the same on the opposite side.

“Don’t think like that, babe…you know you’re a total romantic.” Robin replied

You sniffled, glancing over at her with a crushed presence, “I don’t know a-anymore, maybe love just isn’t meant for me,”

“No, no, no, don’t say that.” Nancy scolds gently, moving to hold on to your hand where you take a shaky breath and look up at the sky.

You wished that there was a shooting star, just so you could make a wish and rewind time. You were so pathetically drunk yet sober off your ass and feelings right now.

“It’s true! Maybe Steve will find a new girlfriend who will give him the world and take my place and love him the way that I—”

You swallowed thickly, not even wanting to finish that sentence because it made you so sick. Your senses were just filled with all things Steve and even when you closed your eyes to try to forget about it, all you could visualize was Steve laughing and kissing another girl who wasn’t you.

It was your deepest fears coming true in the bounds of your imagination, yet maybe it was true. Maybe Steve already found someone else who was better than you, the girl who you could never be. Maybe he was already moved on, meanwhile you were letting him make a mess and a fool out of you.

It made you sick.

The lump in your larynx rose despite your attempts to swallow it, and out of nowhere your hands forced outwards, shoving Robin and Nancy away, while you jerked forward and threw up on the street.

“Oh, Jesus.” Nancy sighed, hastily rising up and backing away to give you a minute.

Meanwhile, Robin clenched one hand over her mouth, while the other gathered your hair and held it back for you.

“Yup, just let it all out.” She mumbled, grimacing as you continued to do so.

Nance searched around, catching a payphone a short walk away, “I’m gonna call her a ride and try to find her some water.”

“Be quick, please.” Robin hailed out before she jogged off to the payphone.

She really didn’t know who to call, and for a second she contemplated Steve, but after everything that had happened tonight, she didn’t want to put you in a situation that you quite literally weren’t ready for.

Jonathan would have been an option, but she knew her boyfriend and at this hour he was probably dead asleep and would not wake up.

Then there was Vicky, which would have been a great option, however she still didn’t have her license and the last thing they needed was for her to get pulled over for not having one.

So she dialed the numbers, hoping that the person would be up and willing to come into town to pick you up.

“C’mon, c’mon, please, pick up.” She tapped her foot impatiently and the phone continued to ring, for a moment she was about to lose all her hope and hang up.

But thankfully, he picked up, “Munson residence, what can I do for you at this hour?”

Nance could practically feel the smirk on his face once he answer, “Eddie, you need to get your ass down here before she quiet literally drops down drunk on the side of the road.”

There was a heavy sigh before she heard some shuffling in the background, “I’ll be right there.”

How Nancy got a bottle of water from the same bartender that you threw a glass of water at was kinda funny, but nevertheless you were thankful. You were half drunk, drowsy, propping your head on Robin’s shoulder while Nance occasionally prompted you to drink some more water, trying to get you to sober up quickly. But what you really needed was an aspirin and your bed.

Thankfully, after what felt like the longest twenty minutes of your life, you could hear the sighs of reliefs coming from Robin and Nancy as they followed the white van coming closer down the street.

“C’mon, hun, time to get up,” Robin declared, wrapping one of your arms across her shoulder and Nancy did the same, trying to get you up on your feet without you flopping down.

“What the fuck!” Eddie hollered out the passenger window, hitting the brakes and placing the van in park before getting out.

You heard him, more than saw him, due to the fact that you were still buzzed, but could barely raise your head to meet his eyes. Instead, just seeing a distorted view of his converse that he always wore.

“Now’s not the time for a tangent, Edward—fuck!” Nancy winced, struggling to keep you up.

“Jesus Christ, just give her to me,” Eddie sputtered, drawing your full weight and essentially lugging you to the passenger side of the van where Robin opened the door wide.

He turned to the two girls, looking at them seriously, “Before she goes in, did she already throw up?”

Nancy nodded, pointing to the side of the road where your barf still stayed in a pile that made everyone want to gag, “Like everything in her system.”

“Okay, I’ll get her home safe and make sure she calls you before she heads to bed,” He told them and they nodded, watching Eddie gingerly place you in the passenger seat and buckle you in.

“Feel better, babe, we’ll talk to you in a bit.” Nancy exhaled, giving your thigh a pat while Robin opted for a kiss on the forehead before shutting your door quietly.

You could only barely hear the conversation that the two girls and Eddie were having outside. Their voices a subdued murmur, not wanting to disturb your journey to sleep, but also not wanting you to hear them explain the situation that had happened that lead up to this. But you really paid them no mind, just resting your head back against the cushion and listening to the low music that played.

It was only a few more minutes before Eddie finally got into the driver’s seat, glancing over at you. “Ready to go?”

“Hmmm.” You uttered, keeping your eyes tight and feeling the van begin to move.

You weren’t really sure where things stood between you and Eddie, considering the fact that he was closer to Steve and even let him crash at his trailer after you two had broken up and you kept the apartment. You weren’t even sure if Eddie liked you all that much. After all this time dating Steve, he was one of the friends that was hard to read.

Sometimes he’d be super friendly and other times he’d be a little closed off. It just depended on the day, but you had a feeling that you were the last person that Eddie wanted to see tonight.

“I’m sorry for making you drive all the way down here for me…I-I should’ve just told them to call me a cab—”

He grunted, swaying his head and peeping over at you shortly, “And what if that cab driver was a creep? Just—just consider it a favor and let it be done.”

“D-do you hate me or something?” You opened your eyes, looking at him blankly.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you dated my best friend since like forever…I can’t hate you.” He chuckled to himself, but still you didn’t seem convinced.

“But we’re broken up now, so technically you can hate me.” You responded, pushing yourself to sit up rather than slouch.

He looked over at you, perhaps thinking you were about to yack again, but you just looked at him, waiting for a response.

“Look,” He sighed heavily, “You made Steve really happy, the happiest I’ve ever fuckin’ seen him in our whole friendship. There isn’t a goddamn reason for me to hate you for doing that. If anything, I owe you because him being that happy made him a better friend, alright. So stop thinking that I hate you, because I don’t.”

You were a little shocked to be honest, because Eddie never really got deep when it came to you. So maybe Eddie really didn’t hate you. That at least made you feel a little better.

When you didn’t respond, Eddie spoke again, hoping that you would at least say something for the rest of the drive.

“You know, Steve isn’t doing so well, either. He’s still crashing at my place and when I got the call from Nance tonight, I contemplated telling him it was about you, but…I don’t think right now either of you are ready to talk at three in the morning.” He snickered, smiling a bit when he saw you scorn jokingly and brush back your hair.

“And so, what did you tell him?” You marveled out loud, turning your eyes to the road, “That you had to deliver some weed?”

“Maybe, something like that.” He shrugged feeling so predicable.

Eddie honestly didn’t know what to make of this whole situation. A part of him feeling a little bad for not telling his best friend that his ex-girlfriend was totally wasted and needed a way home. But he also understood that you were really vulnerable right now and to tell Steve would blow the whole situation out of proportion and probably would’ve made everything between the two of you even worse.

If there was any hope for reconsolidation, it would be best for the two of you two meet when you weren’t wasted and the other worried out of their mind about your wellbeing.

The drive to your apartment wasn’t long or as awkward as you thought it was going to be. It was actually quite comfortable. Eddie made jokes every once in a while when you got too quiet, wondering if you were about to throw up and that he would never forgive you if you threw up in his van.

“Home sweet home.” Eddie announced, guiding you into your place and shutting the door behind you.

You flickered the lights on, cursing at the sudden brightness that only made your head hurt even more than it already was. Eddie looked around that the space and a lot of the areas were bare after Steve had packed up his things with him. It wasn’t a complete mess, but there were boxes of tissues scattered around the coffee table and kitchen area. And there seemed to be more wine bottles behind the kitchen—your way of coping.

“I’m gonna get out of these clothes. Just grab anything you want to eat or drink if you’re hungry.” You waved off, stumbling towards your bedroom to grab a fresh pair of clothes to change into.

Again, with your energy so depleted you just didn’t have it in you to take the time to shower, so instead you opted for a makeup wipe, brushing your teeth, and changing into sweats.

“Here she is.” Eddie spoke with a half full mouth of cereal, passing the phone to you once you came back out to the living room.

You rubbed at your eyes, yawning loudly, as you placed the phone beside your ear, “H-hello?”

“Hey hun, you feeling a little better?” It was Robin on the other line.

“Just a little, gonna take an aspirin and head to bed…and look, I’m sorry for—”

“Nope!” She cut you off quickly, “don’t apologize, sometimes it happens, but I’m just glad that we were there to make sure you got home safe.”

You nodded, drawing a deep breath, “Yeah, thanks for that too.”

Robin could sense the tiredness in your voice and knew it was time you head to bed.

“Get some rest and I’ll call you tomorrow ok? I love you, sugar!”

You laughed faintly at the kissy noises she made, “Love you too, Robs.”

When you hung up the phone, your eyes followed the ruckus taking place in the storage closet beside the kitchen. You got up, seeing as though Eddie has pulled from the bottom layer of your paper towel tower and caused a few to come plummeting down.

“Sorry, you were all out of some in the kitchen.” Eddie apologized while you bent down, helping him pick up a few rolls and stack them back up.

But something peeking out behind the stack caught your eyes, a dark blue piece of fabric that had been wedged behind it. You rose your brows, tugging at the garment until it came out into view and just like that you wanted to cry all over again.

It was the stupid blue bucket hat that Steve had been wearing on your last date at the beach.

You couldn’t remember why it was there to begin with, but it was just like another memory of him seeping back into your life. You had thought that he packed away everything, all his clothes, his little trinkets—leaving no trace of himself behind, yet this stupid hat was still here.

“A-are you ok?” Eddie asked slowly, watching your eyes being to water, and you went stoic.

You sniffled, shaking your head, and rolling your eyes at yourself for being so dramatic. “It’s the hat that Steve wore on our last date.”

“Oh…umm, I’m sorry.” He said, cursing at himself for being so clumsy and causing you to find it.

You shook your head, lips sealed closely as you tried to breathe through your tears, “No, it’s fine, I just thought he took everything with him and now it’s just like, right in my face and it sucks.”

“I-I can give it back to him if you want?” Eddie offered, holding his hands out ready for you to want it as far away as possible, but you didn’t hand it over.

Instead, you wiped away your tears, shaking your head again while you examined it, “I’ll keep it…you know, for memory and whatnot.”

He didn’t question for how weird that must sound, but instead reached forward and wrapped his arms around you, giving you a hug. One that he knew you probably needed. The one that he rarely gave you when you two were friends. If this breakup was hard for Steve, it was even harder for you, and just by the looks of it, he could tell that was true.

“You rest up and feel better tomorrow, alright?” He said, pulling away from the hug and looking at you through your teary eyes.

Your lip quivered, trying to control the sobbing from happening because you knew Eddie couldn’t be of comfort like Nancy and Robin. He told you goodnight, before giving you one last hug and letting himself out. It felt lonelier than usual, locking up the place and heading to your bedroom where you couldn’t even find it in yourself to sleep on Steve’s side of the bed.

You always stayed on your side, wishing that he was there to fill that empty space. To just hold you tight and tell you that everything was going to be fine.

And so maybe his side of the bed was still empty, but you still had a small piece of him there with you. With that, you clutched that stupid hat close to your chest while you faced towards his side of the bed. Tears still slipping and being soaked up by your blankets as you cried yourself to sleep.

Sleep seemed to be the only place where you’d find an ounce of peace, but only for a little, because as soon as a dream would begin, it would only end in a nightmare that woke you up. It was no different, except for the fact that this time you dreamed of that beach, the one where you and Steve walked hand in hand, telling each other anything.

It felt so real, seeing him there and feeling his hand against yours. His laughter was still contagious, just as much as his smile was. Then, like that…he just disappeared, like he had been swept away in the current.

You were left on that beach all alone, feeling the warmth of the sun piercing through your skin like a death by a thousand cuts and the sand beneath your feet burning you with each lonely step you took.

“Fuck,”

Groaning, you looked at yourself in the mirror. Hair disheveled, eyes swollen with bags under them, and you totally looking like you just had the life sucked out of you from the night before. You knew that it wasn’t acceptable even if you were so heartbroken. You spat out the mouthwash and immediately got into the hot shower, trying to scrub off any memories of last night and let it go down the drain.

You pulled on some fresh clothes, hoping that a little bit of self-care would make you feel better and tackle on the rest of the day, despite you waking up at nearly noon, but the effort was what mattered.

Walking into the living room, you passed the home phone, noticing the alarming amount of red numbers flashing, indicating you had some messages that Robin and Nancy probably left after calling you all morning. And you were right, more than half were from Robin and Nancy, calling and checking in, telling you to call them as soon as you got the message, and if you didn’t that they’d be stopping by to check on you.

You pressed play on the next message, already assuming it was one of them, but it wasn’t.

“Hey, sorry, I know you’re probably still asleep and you have a massive hangover, but I might have accidentally told Steve about what happened last night and now he’s—”

“Fuck!”

Your eyes enlarged at Eddie’s message and you immediately picked up the phone, dialing his number and hoping you could get him to retract that statement he passed on to Steve because you really didn’t want him to know you were crying over him last night.

One. Two. Thee. Four. Five rings and still he didn’t pick up.

He was probably telling Steve everything about last night and how reckless you were. Throwing a drink in a stranger’s face? Throwing up on the side of the road? Being so wasted you couldn’t even lift yourself off the ground? And for godsake, sobbing over that stupid hat?

You were totally done for.

Sitting on the couch with your face in your hands, you were in disbelief.

How could Eddie just go and spill about what had happened?

You thought he was your friend?

Maybe that was just all a part of his plan?

What if Eddie only accepted giving you a ride home so he could tell Steve about how you were handling the breakup, only for him to make fun of you for how stupid you’ve been acting?

“God, I am such an idiot!” You shouted at yourself, shaking your head in your hands, before hearing the familiar key turn in the door.

It was obvious Nancy or Robin with their spare key you gave them. It had been hours since they left the message and they were here to check on you. Thank god they were because you felt like you were going insane and you didn’t know if you could do it alone.

The high-pitched squeak that came from the knob turning prepared you for your friends who would probably bombard you with questions before you got to tell them anything. You were ready for it, hearing their shouts of, “why didn’t you call?” or “we were worried sick!” but you didn’t hear that.

Instead, you heard the familiar footsteps of the person you could never mistake. He always had a way of walking, especially when he tried to tiptoe because he didn’t want to wake you up. The floorboards creaked a little, and you heard a hiss and then you turned your head.

It was Steve.

You stood up, hands glued to your side where you stared at him, not knowing what to say or how to feel. He looked like he felt the same, standing there and looking around in order to avoid the prolonged eye contact you knew he couldn’t hold.

“What are you doing here?”

You tightened your lips, staying still with your arms crossing behind your back. You pinched and pulled at your fingers trying to get yourself to stabilize your heartbeat that felt like it was pounding out your chest.

Steve stuttered for a bit, really contemplating if he should have knocked instead of using his key, but he was worried out of his mind and thought that you were passed out in the bathroom choking on your own vomit. But obviously he was wrong and now he looked like a total creep, breaking into his ex-girlfriend’s apartment.

You rocked your head at him somewhat, prompting a response that came faster than he could formulate the words in his head.

“I, uhh, I didn’t mean to break in but, Eddie told me what happened—” He paused, squinting his eyes at himself, as he backtracked, “well, actually he didn’t really tell me, I forced him to tell me or else I would have flushed the rest of his stash because I knew he was lying.”

This son of a bitch.

Steve shook his head, cursing at himself for getting carried away, “Anyway…he told me, and I just wanted to come here and check on you because you never really get wasted like that, and I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Your jaw clenched in a way to try to block the tears from sliding, because if you didn’t have the strength it in you, you would’ve sunk down onto the floor, breaking down and telling him that you were in fact not fine at all.

“I’m fine…can we just pretend like this didn’t happen?” You spoke under your breath, stepping away and trying to pick up random things lying around in order to avoid looking at him any longer.

He sighed, kicking off his shoes, and faltered behind you. “Why are you being like this?”

You rolled your eyes, brushing past him and throwing away the stray wrappers into the trash bin, “Like what?” you countered, still not meeting his views.

“Avoidant and stuff. You just keep acting like you want nothing to do with me.” He huffed, bending down to meet your stance.

Now that ticked you off and made you snap your head back towards him, eyes shooting daggers at his boldness.

“If I remember correctly, you’re the one who wanted nothing to do with me and packed up your things and left.” Your voice dripping with a mix of resentment and hurt as you brushed past him harshly and made your way back into the living room.

His mouth opened in an “o” not knowing how to respond to that, because he really did do what you said, but it wasn’t what he meant.

“J-just let me explain myself alright, I swear that was the last thing I wanted to do—”

You let out a sarcastic laugh, biting your tongue. “Yeah, sure, I guess everyone just breaks up with their significant other for no reason.”

He threw himself down onto the couch, tugging at his hair, “There was a reason, alright! I was scared…terrified that you wanted more in life but didn’t know how to tell me and I was just holding you back.”

That was the first time you had ever heard this explanation. For the past two weeks, the only thing that kept replaying in your mind was Steve sitting you down in this very living room and telling you he wasn’t sure if it was working out anymore and wanted you to venture out into the world. That was it. No other deeper explanation or closure, just those words, and the scene of you frozen on the couch with tears in your eyes as you watched him pack and leave.

Right now, you were frozen in front of him, standing with your arms crossed and tapping your foot against the wooden floors, not knowing what to say.

He was the one who spoke, letting up on his hair and resting his hands on his knees instead, “And, you know, I’m not doing too well either, I still think of you and worry about what you’re doing and if you’re—”

You turned your nose up, voicing cracking as you cut him off, “And all I do is cry every day and I don’t understand why…why I can’t just pick up the pieces that you left here and move on.”

Steve knew you like the back of his hand, and that familiar croak in your throat let him know that you were only seconds away from crying, but still he didn’t stop you. He knew that there was so much that you needed to say and after the way that he had left, it was only right he sat here and listen to you.

“It’s…it’s like I’m just waiting for a bus that never comes—”

He furrowed his brows, “Are you using metaphors right now?”

You looked at him in disbelief, sighing as you threw your hands out in the air and nodded, “Jesus Steve, yes, I am, ok! I’m using fucking metaphors because I’m trying to tell you that I’m still in love with you and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.”

He followed you, pacing the space in front of him, back and forth, with your fingers running through your hair as you spilled your guts out to him.

“I don’t get why I’m like this and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I just accept the fact that you broke up with me and move on with my life? And the funny thing is, I should be able to! I should be able to just rip the bandaid off and act like an asshole and pretend you and I never existed!” You turned to him, swallowing thickly as you laughed to yourself, hating the situation you were in right now, but you never stopped talking.

Then you looked up at the ceiling, tugging at your own roots as you continued.

“I mean, for fuck’s sake, in the 8th grade Ben Pritchett broke up with me right before winter formal and I thought that it was going to be the end of the world because I thought he was the love of my life. I thought that I was going to spend the rest of 8th grade miserable and crying my eyes out over him, but I didn’t!”

You looked at him with a hopeless smile and you could see a glint of his own, wanting to laugh at how ridiculous you sounded for comparing him to your 8th grade boyfriend.

“I moved on with my life! Just like that!” You snapped your fingers and watched him blink a bit, “But with you,” your fingers pointed and you stared at him unsure, you shrugged your shoulders, “with you I just can’t…”

The waterworks began, and you finally didn’t care about staring at him for so long. If you could, you would jump into the ocean of his eyes because of how they made you feel. That even if you were standing here ranting to him about unnecessary shit, his eyes still brought you that sense of relief that you had been dying to feel for the last two weeks.

Steve moved forward gradually, taking your hands and holding them, rubbing circles on the tops of your skin, while you closed your eyes and bit back a sob. You let him keep his hands on yours, not daring to back away or drop him because you didn’t know if this was going to be the last time, and if it was you wanted to make the moment last as long as possible.

“I—I see you everywhere…every corner of this apartment, in all the faces I see—I see you. Everything leads back to you for some reason. All of these fucking questions that I’ve been asking myself. Why can’t I get over Steve? Why is this heartbreak hitting me differently than the one I experienced when I was thirteen?”

You squeezed on his hands, opening your teary eyes to see him through the film of salt, “Because it’s you, Steve…I’m still in love with you and I can’t get over you.”

That four letter word: Love. That’s all that he needed to hear, and it’s the word that had been dying to come off your tongue again. You loved Steve with every single ounce of your being. As if he was a drug running through your veins and you needed him to survive. You needed the one person who believed in you when no one else did.

You needed Steve, but you were terrified that he didn’t need you anymore.

“You didn’t listen to my message did you?” Steve asked quietly, letting go of one of your hands and bringing them up to wipe away at the tears on your cheek.

“W-what?” You ordered dumb-founded, feeling as though Steve didn’t hear that whole monologue that you just made up out of nowhere.

He grinned lightly, withdrawing his hand from your cheek and blindlessly, reaching over to the phone and clicking the play button on the leftover messages you had left.

You felt your breathing stop when you heard his voice echoing through the staticky speakers. There was no way that Steve called you last night. You had played the messages on your machine, and all you got were messages from Nancy, Robin, and Eddie. But you also forgot that your outdated machine sorted your messages from new to old, meaning Steve must have called while you were out last night.

“Hey, it’s me….I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to pick up the phone and call, maybe it’s because I’m a little scared that you’re going to delete it once you hear my voice, but I just really have a bunch of things to say and I guess it’s better now than never right?”

You fastened a hand over your mouth, whimpering quietly into it, while you shook your head, not believing that you could have missed this. If only you had stayed home last night, you would have been there to pick up the phone and talk to him. Steve clutched your other hand still, pushing up his glasses that fell down the bridge of his nose while he watched your reaction to the rest of his message.

“I’m an idiot for the way things went down and I should have explained myself better, but you know…I suck at communication—but that’s still not the point! I made the biggest mistake of letting you go like that and just assuming that’s what you wanted because I know deep down it’s not….it’s probably the last thing you ever wanted, and it’s all my fault.”

There was a pause, him clearing his throat and sniffling as he was crying softly.

“But I’m going to make an even bigger mistake if I don’t tell you that I’m still in love with you. That yeah, I might be the dumbest guy out there for letting go of the most amazing girl, but I’m not about to lose her if there’s still a slight chance that she might still feel the same. I love you and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”

Then he hung up the phone with a loud clank.

And as quickly as Steve had broken your heart, he soon patched it back together. There was a softness to your eyes now, like you had accepted everything. And Steve looked like he was awaiting for any sort of reaction good or bad, due to your silence.

“I-I don’t expect you to take me back that easily. I mean after all I’m an idiot but I just hope that—mph!”

You clutched his face, pressing your lips against one another, feeling like a wave of happiness washing over you the second you got to be this close to a feeling that you thought that was almost gone forever. Steve didn’t hesitate to move his lips against yours, pulling you closer to him until you were toppling on top of him, and lost in everything that was you and Steve.

“You’re an idiot..but mine.” You muttered against him, feeling his smile creeping against your skin before you laughed, kissing him again.

And again. And more times than you can count.

Relishing him and forgetting about the sadness. And sure, maybe you were equally the idiot who took him back too easily, but if there was one thing that the two of you were sure of, it was that this kiss and this love hit a little different because it would always be you two.

A/N: My first full length fic since i've been back!!! im super proud of this one and want to thank @translatemunson for giving me the idea <;3 i love you effie!!!! hits different is also one of my favorite songs and i wonder if taylor really did scrap it off the face of the internet because it's going to be in the Barbie movie--what do you guys think??? anyways, again thank you all for the outpour of support and reblogs, comments, and likes would be greatly appreciated!!! 🌃🕯💘

leave a comment and let me know if want to be added to my taglist!!

taglist: @translatemunson @kennedy-brooke @manda-panda-monium @tvserie-s-world @givemeth @steveharringtonswife @astolenkiss @loving-and-dreaming @awkotaco24

[muneca-lemon-steppa]

Interviews for New Beginnings: Part 7

Alfie Solomons x Fem! Reader, 3.7k words, WARNINGS: mentions of blood, injury, stitches, cursing, violence

Guys... is it weird that I'm crying a little? This is the first series that I've ever done. This is from the first post i ever made on this blog, and I feel like I've met so many amazing people from this series. I did spend a good amount of time thinking of a good way to close this series, and I can only hope that I made it good enough for you guys. My heart breaks leaving these two behind, but I don't think this is the end for them. I do see myself writing some one shots or other things for these two. But regardless... I love you guys so much. I hope you enjoy this final installment. Sending all of my love always. - Mo

---

Any soldier worth his salt knows what getting shot feels like. Either through their own experience or staying beside their brother. They all say the same thing.

A hard punch.

The immediate all encompassing burn.

Your body feels like you’ve been run over by a train.

Your body on fire.

Air sliding through your lungs like glass shards.

Alfred Solomons has been shot five times.

Six counting this one. The first time was when he was 14, and he was caught snatching sweets from the corner store, and the old store owner with the bad eyes shot at Alfie, grazing his left thigh. The other four times were in the war. Foot and shoulder and once in the lower back, which is still troubling him to this day. All of those were the same. Rage inducing. The bloodlust burning brighter than the flame of the pain. In hours he was fixed up. Rusty scalpels and pliers pulling out the shrapnel as he numbed the cuts by drowning in drink and breaking metal bars with his teeth.

This one was different. The burn and hit was memorable. As memorable as a betrayal. But the bloodlust that got him through that burn wasn’t present. Like warm oil being poured over his mind and body he felt the exhaustion of the tears settle over him. And look. An angel has come to take him to stay with the forefathers. Wow… what a mercy… the angel looks so much like you. Sounds and smells just like you. Like lavender. Like spilled ink and fresh paper. So soft and tender. What a mercy God has given him. That the angel to walk him to the other side would look like the only woman he has ever truly loved.

Tommy and Ollie rush over, as John pulls you away from Alfie's body. You screamed and kicked, trying to get free from John's grasp. "It's alright love it's alright. They're going to fix him up I promise love! He's gonna be ok!" John tried to calm you but you were inconsolable as you saw Alfie's lifeless body being carried out. It takes four men to life his large and hardened body off the ground, a pool of garnet the only sign of the King of Camden’s presence.

John’s attempts at soothing and assurance are met with deaf ears. What point is there for calm and rationalization when Alfie might be leaving you. What point was there to breathe, if breathing meant prolonging a life on Earth that may not have Alfie. Your mind was blank. And you body could do the only rational thing it could do. Wail and preparation for the certain mourning to come.

With a hard smack across your face you suddenly cease, as you see Polly's face in front of you, "Enough! This is not the time for screaming!"

Your lip quivered, never had you been smacked like that before. With a wave, Polly dismissed John to assist Ollie and Tommy, and took you to a chair to sit. Polly wiped your tears, "I am sorry for slapping you, usually I don't smack friends till we are at least 3 months acquainted, but I felt you needed it and I'm sure our friendship will survive. But you need to pull it together darling."

You nodded. It was needed. Even if your ego was now bruised. Polly sighed, "I know you're scared. We all have been in your shoes. But you cannot lose yourself. We need to be there for our men. Yes?"

You nodded. Your man. Your Alfie. Polly stroked your face, "He will live.”

“How can you be sure?”

Polly gives you an embarrassed look, attempting to push up the corner of her mouth, “They always do darling. Try as they might to die, they somehow always make it out. I think God may think these episodes are more of a punishment than Hell.”

A defeated chuckle pushes out of your chest. Alfie would say something as dark as that. And for some reason that makes you feel better. Makes you feel more centered. Polly grabs a bottle from the ground and takes a long swig before passing it to you. You take a longer one, pushing to suppress the sick face you make. Polly’s eyes are glassy, looking at your young face. Thinking and considering how you would handle this. Handle this life. Because if her intuition was right, and it always was, this wouldn’t be the last time you experienced this. This wouldn’t deter you from being next to Alfie. As if Alfie would ever let you go.

Polly stood up suddenly, looking in the gilded mirror on the wall nearest to her, smoothing her dress and repinning those loose curls that fell out in the fray. She holds out a regal hand to you, “C’mon dear. I know where they’d be taking him. He’ll want you near I wager.”

You nod and stand up, not making anymore to wipe the blood or tears off your face. Though it doesn’t stop Polly from straightening out your slip and placing your hair more akin to how you came in. As you begin walking to the door, you see a familiar glint in the shadows and wet of the floor.

Alfie’s signet ring. Small. Small for Alfie at least. You knew him to wear it on his left pinky amongst the rest of his rings. Pure gold, with a royal S engraved onto its front with ivy and thorns. You pause to pick it up and hold it in your hand. It must have slipped off in the scuffle and removal of his body. Polly looked behind herself to see what had made you stop, and marveled at how you had even caught it, “How did you even see that?”

“I suppose I’m just good at looking for his things.”

Polly smiled softly, a familiar ache in her chest reappearing. “Well make sure you don’t drop it hmm? I’m sure he’ll want it back.”

You nod, immediately slipping it onto your left ring finger. You knew innately it wouldn’t budge. It was a perfect fit.

The Shelby family had a trusted physician who routinely dealt with these sort of things. Stand. Cuts. Gunshots. The occasional childhood scrape or concussion when the children needed a good scolding and scare to not be stupid. Dr. Hendricks had been the Shelby physician for many many years. So when he was called for ‘a slight emergency’ he knew that he needed to make immediate preparations.

The Shelby boys and Ollie bashed in the ornate door of Dr. Hendricks’ door, and were immediately met with Mrs. Hendricks pushing the men into the dining room. Already prepped and cold with sterile air Dr. Hendricks directed further with a low and booming voice, “Right here Mr. Shelby, hurry, can’t risk anymore blood loss.”

Alfie was pale, but was still breathing and choking out small groans. Mrs. Hendricks worked diligently alongside the Doctor, who asked questions and made conversation with the men, trying to bring down the tension. “Mr. Solomons boys? Why the sudden fit of charity.”

Mrs. Hendricks hushed him and his sore mouth. But his cheek was what made him so beloved by the Shelbys. Even in what seemed like dire moments, the good Doctor was never one to shy away from a joke or jab. Suddenly Alfie groaned under the crowd. Tommy looked down, shocked Alfie was awake now. Alfie, through the pain and blood, groaned and moaned your name through his teeth. Tommy grabbed Alfie’s arm, “Alright Alfie alright. She’s coming. Took a little bit of a hit didn’t ya old man? You stay awake now for her yeah? Can’t let the girl see ya like this.”

The pain was a hell of a drug, and Alfie could only slur out, “She ok? That little viper make it out ok?”

Tommy could only smile. Even with all the blood loss he was still himself. “Yeah Alfie. Yeah she’s alright. A right harpy screaming out for ya. Now you gotta get fixed up for when she comes back alright?”

Alfie nodded, slipping in and out as the final fragments were being removed, “As soon as im stitched up… I’m killing every Sabini I see. Then I’m fuckin marrying her… you hear me?”

Tommy smiled as Dr. Hendricks scoffed, “I hear you Alfie. I know you will.”

Alfie passed back out on the table. Dr. Hendricks nodded at Tommy and Ollie, “He’ll be alright. Nearly hit some vital organs but it’s alright. Have a nasty scar though, I’m sure he won’t mind. He’ll probably sleep for the rest of the night and into the morning. You all stay here, let’s keep an eye on him yeah? Mrs. Hendricks? Would you call the kitchen to make some supper for the gentlemen here and ladies to come?”

Mrs. Hendricks and the kitchen must have indeed been witches in a past life, or in the present. because there was no logical reason that such a warm and delectable feast could have been prepared so quickly. Soup and bread and cold chicken brought up with strong tea and coffee. When John Shelby asked for gin, his head was swiftly smacked by the effervescent Mrs. Hendricks, who quickly reminded him that she knew where all his sore spots were.

Polly and you arrived soon enough, and were embraced by the Doctor and his wife. The Shelby men stood up quickly, nodding to you in respect. Ollie shucked off his coat to drape over you. It was warm in the house. But your shivering wasn’t for cold.

Before you could look to Dr. Hendricks, he gruffed out from behind his thick salt and pepper beard, “No need to fret Miss. He was a model surgical patient. Nearly slept through the entire thing. In fact that stomach of his is a model for good stitchin’ would you like to see?”

Before Dr. Hendricks could pull back the clean and crisp cotton laid over Alfie’s bare torso to show you his no doubt fantastic work, Mrs. Hendricks stopped with a cherub like hand on his thick arm, “My dear, I don’t think the lady would feel keen on seeing her darling cut and stitched. Maybe some other time yes? Why don’t we let her have time alone with Mr. Solomons? It’s late. I think we should all retire yes?”

With a look around the room everyone nodded, giving their best to you and expressing incredible thank to the Doctor and Mrs. Hendricks. The Shelby boys tipped their hats to you as they filed out. Ollie nodded to you, assuring you that he’d alert your family of your whereabouts. Polly gave you a motherly hug, kissing the tip of your head, “Chin up dear. Must be strong when he wakes up. I’ll stop by tomorrow.”

As soon as you came in, you were left alone. With the soft voice of Mrs. Hendricks pulling out of your numb trance. “Let’s get you cleaned up dear. Get you in something a little more comfortable. My daughter was about your size, and I have some of her clothes in her old room.”

Like a child who just woke out of a long slumber, you were lead down the short hallways littered with photos and paintings and certificates to the now guest room of the Hendricks home. Once she realized you had gone nearly despondent, Mrs. Hendricks helped you out of your stained dress, and into a soft cream colored night gown, with pink ribbon threaded through the top. She called one of the maids bring up hot water to wash the makeup, dirt, and dried crusted blood off your face and arms. Your dress was taken to be washed, and Mrs. Hendricks un-pinned your hair, getting it loose and out of your face. She sat you back in the make shift hospital room once she assured your were comfortable and clean. She poured tea for you. Something strong. Something hot. Your thumb rubbed across the delicate ridges on the cup, incredibly interested in the greenery hand painted on the china. Unable to face the near stillness of Alfie on a table.

“You love him don’t you?”

You feel those tears welling up in your eyes. Unable to speak any louder than a whisper, you confess, “Very much.”

She smiled softly, placing her thick soft hands on your knee, “He called for you.”

You looked up, “Did he?”

A soft chuckle left her, and she sounded so much like your mother, “He did. That’s the thing about these military gangster men yeah? Big and strong and tough. Till they get hurt. Then they cry for their women. I think we are the only things that help.”

You nodded, a pained smile sneaking on your lips, hands gingerly slipping into his rough hands. So much gentler now in sleep. Your eyes never leave his hands as you ask, “How do you stand it? How does any woman stand it?”

Mrs. Hendricks just sighs. Remembering the old days with her dear husband James. Back when he running with the Lee boys. When the medical practice wasn’t just a medical practice. There was a reason he was so good at stitching people up. Mrs. Hendricks leaned back in the chair, “By trusting them. By scolding them. Telling them off when they’re being outrageous. By standing by them. Because we know even a little bit of time with them is better than a life without them.”

Mrs. Hendricks then stands up, “It’s nearly 2 sweetie. Why don’t you take Jeanine’s old room? He’ll be there when you wake up.”

You shake your head vehemently, “No. Thank you Mrs. Hendricks. Thank you very much for your hospitality. But I want to be here when he wakes. I just… I don’t want to leave him here alone.”

She softly smiles, a tear slipping by, “Alright sweetie. That’s fine. I’ll bring you a couple blankets then. And a pillow just in case. Feel free to walk around the house if you need. Kitchen is all yours.”

You’re not sure how long you stayed awake after the gifts of the blankets were delivered. But you never laid down. You sat on one of the chairs placed on the dining room table where Alfie laid. You brushed the hair out of his face and ran your fingers over his beard and scars. You rattled off the notes you had for the gaming club. You whispered to him about the set up, the prices, and how he should really be more affable with the customers. But mostly you whispered how much you loved him. How much you wished you had told him sooner. How much he scared you doing that. You chastised him for putting himself in such grave danger. And for every insult and admonishment you kissed a knuckle and scar. Every kiss an oath that you would not leave him. Not willingly. Not before death.

It was mid morning when Alfie’s gruff voice woke you, “Well ain’t you a picture.”

You gasped and sat up straight, hand clutching Alfie’s warm hand. His hand squeezed back tiredly, “Now I know I’m damned… but this sure don’t look like hell… too nice ain’t it. And I know the devil wouldn’t let an angel like you in hell with me.”

“Oh shut up you wretched old man please.”

You crashed your lips into his, relishing even in his slightly chapped lips as he chuckled into you. You feel him move under you, “Now now sweetheart easy on the old man. Don’t go popping my stitches now. Oh treacle why are you crying my dove? I’m here ain’t I? Old Alfie’s alright.”

You couldn’t help the tears falling, “I… Alfie I… you nearly died.”

He sneered, “Nah. The bastard barely nicked me. What about you eh? No bumps or bruises on you?”

You shook your head and sniffled. You knew you looked pathetic but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Not when Alfie was alive. Not when you got to see him in the morning light like this. Alfie groaned as he pushed himself off the table. You moved to help him as he motioned you to settle. He got up, limped to another chair to sit down. The stitches held and he looked good. Still a bit pale but good. “Do you need water Alfie? Tea? I can call for breakfast.”

He shook his head, “No not yet love thank you… but come here.”

The wood floors were cold on your bare feet as you softly walked over to him. He stared up at you, as he tugged on your nightgown, signaling you to sit. Carefully… oh so carefully you sat on his lap, legs swinging over the side, wrapping your arms around his neck. Alfie leaned back with a sigh, bringing you closer, “This is all I need treacle. Just need you near.”

Stroking the scar on his jaw you whispered, “I was so scared Alfie… I thought we’d lost you.”

With half lidded eyes Alfie stared at you. Your sweet lips and teary eyes. A picture of beauty and serenity. The rough callouses on his hands caressed up and down your bare arms, “You’re never going to lose me dearie. I’ll always be here. No matter what. You know why?”

The way his eyes become like fire makes your heart beat faster, “Why?”

He brings your hand to his heart. His own hand dwarfing yours as you feel the strong and steady heartbeat in his chest, “Because this sweetheart… this belongs to you… No matter what happens… in this life the next one and every other fuckin one… I belong to you. You ain’t ever got to worry about what might happen because I’m with you. You got it?”

You smile, nodding, feeling as though your heart is going to burst, “My heart belongs to you Alfie.”

“You don’t have to say it back treacle.”

“I do if it’s the truth.”

A blush rose in his cheeks, barely concealed by his beard and the smile that broke out on his face. “Well… treacle… if that’s the case… I wanted to ask you in a more romantic way…”

“Alfred Solomons…”

“But this seems like a good time…”

“I swear if you dare ask me…”

“And we never know what’s to happen next…”

“Alfred Solomons I am in a night gown!”

“Woman if you do not be quiet I am trying to ask you to be my wife!!”

Your hand flies to your mouth in utter shock. Alfie’s brows are furrowed but he’s trying to keep the smile off his face, “Marry me sweetheart. Be my wife please. I can’t promise that I’ll suddenly be a tame boy but I can promise you that I love you more than any other man ever could love a woman. You can scold me all you want and I’ll never be cross with you.”

He watches you bite your lip and think, and he thinks he’s died and gone to heaven for real this time. You cheekily smile, “I do like it when you’re cross though.”

A dark glint flashes in his eyes as he pulls you in for a bruising kiss, which you all too willingly return. When you come up for air he asks you again, “Is that a yes? You going to be my wife?”

You laugh, “Yes Alfie. Always yes.”

Laughs escaped out of you in a stampede as he presses a million prickly kisses to your cheeks. He mumbles out onto your face, "I need to get you a ring. We'll go to the shop yeah? You pick out any ring you like, I'll resize whatever I need to. Fuck we'll design it for ya yeah?"

You push him back from his assault on your face and hold up your left hand, The one holding his signet, "One could say I have one already. You dropped it on the way over."

Alfie grabbed your wrist to inspect your hand. When he finally recognized the ring and noticed his own was missing, his laughter roared out, "Fuck me you are always so prepared. Always two steps ahead of me ain't ya? Well alright treacle. There's your engagement ring for now. But on our wedding day, I'm giving you a dazzling rock you hear me?"

You laugh again as he rants and raves for his idea of a ring for you. Knowing inside that it didn't matter what he gave you. If he gave you a ring at all. All that mattered was that he was here. He was yours. And you are is.

6 Months Later

The slow sea air dances in through the open window, sending the gossamer curtains floating around you. The radio scratches out something slow and tantalizing from America, the notes sending shivers down your spine. You're dizzy from the night you've had. The butterflies and bubbly drinks and spinning along the floor. You can't believe it happened. You can't believe your wedding day arrived. You feel as though you're amongst the clouds. The only thing keeping you anchored to the Earth is Alfie's grip on your white satin slip as you sway against him to the music.

Late at night. Early morning. Too much work to tell. But it was the first time in a week that you've been able to be alone with Alfie. Your husband.

"What're you thinking about my love?"

You press your face against his chest, shirt long discarded, "I'm just so happy. I didn't think I'd have this. That we'd have this.'

He hums as he presses his lips to your hair, smelling the perfume that had been brushed through your hair. "But we have it now. This is the greatest gift I've ever received. This is the life I've always dreamed of sweet."

You continue to dance with your husband until your bodies couldn't take it anymore. Soon enough he carried you to bed, quickly drifting off into deep sleep in Alfie's arms. In the morning you would wake not as a secretary. Not as a scared girl. Not as someone who felt as she didn't belong. But as Alfie's wife. Alfie's partner. A confidant. A capable woman running a business alongside her best friend. Tomorrow you would wake up excited for this next part of your life. Waking up to a new beginning.

Tag List:

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[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting to spend a night out with a guy?

I'm twenty, study in university and still live with my parents. I've been planning to move out since I was eighteen, but they told me to keep living at home and not get a job so I could focus on studying while they take care of me financially. This arrangement has worked mostly well in the past years save for a few small conflicts, but it's escalated in the past 3-4 months.

The issue is my time schedule. I have a very active social life, am active in the local art scene, do political work and a lot of extracurricular stuff for university (I'm a straight A student, I might add!). Because of this, and because I'm a natural night owl, I usually come home late several days a week (between 10pm and 2am) and stay out all day for most of the week. This means I can't do a lot of chores, and usually there's a lot of housework because my mum has a bit of a cleaning anxiety and wants to make sure everything is spotless 24/7.

Enter this guy, I'll call him Tim. I met him at a festival last summer and we became long distance friends. Tim has visited me for a day several times before, but this weekend he offered to come over for two days and we agreed to spend the night stargazing together without sleeping. I loved the idea and immediately said yes. It was gonna be just us, a couple energy drinks, and some bench in the city center, and I was really looking forward to it.

The thing is, my mum does not like Tim. Like, at all. She thinks he seems very sleazy and generally distrusts him because he feels "too nice" for her. Mind you, he's just a somewhat shady looking guy who is generally pretty anxious he might make a bad impression, so he overperforms the whole "respectable member of society" act a bit around new people. I've introduced him to my friend group and even the more sceptical people absolutely love him and think he's a very sweet, helpful person. In basically every stressful situation I've ever seen him in he's been deescalating, protective and helpful, and he has on several occasions been my first source of comfort when things went to hell.

Today I told my mum in an offhanded comment that I won't come home between Sunday and Monday and the situation escalated completely. She was crying, accusing me of ruining her month, saying I didn't care about this family, it got ugly. The main point she had was that I was staying out all night with someone who's a total stranger to her and she doesn't trust him at all. In the end we compromised that Tim and I would spend the night awake, but not in the city, at home.

I feel really humiliated by this whole situation and honestly, kind of betrayed, because I was promised stuff like this wouldn't happen, and it just hits in a much safer situation than ones I've been in before (I used to get blackout drunk and sleep at parties a lot.). I'm a legal adult, have been for years now and it's so disappointing that my parents still treat me like a child sometimes and are so judgy towards my friends too. At the same time, I'm wondering whether I've acted wrong too by not telling her about this earlier and not taking her concerns that seriously. I forget sometimes that I talk to Tim every day for hours, but my parents only briefly ran into him once, so of course their view of him is skewed.

PS: I should add that when I told him about this, he immediately apologized, asked if I needed anything or wanted to change the plan and decided to dig out the least offensive outfit he could find so he'd make a good impression on my parents. So he's definitely trying his best.

[steddieas-shegoes]

this place is such great motivation for anyone trying to move the fuck away from hibernation

chapter 4: i stopped caring 'bout a month ago, since then it's been smooth sailing also on AO3  Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Rated E

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Wayne Munson was looking at Steve Harrington as if he was worse than the dirt under his shoe.

And that’s how he felt.

He watched Eddie spend months after Steve left wondering what he did wrong, what drove him away, what made him decide that leaving was better than staying here or explaining his feelings.

Wayne didn’t believe in holding back when you cared about someone, especially not after everything Eddie had been through.

And he thought Steve felt the same.

He saw the way that boy watched Eddie, whispering to himself when he thought Wayne wasn’t in the room for Eddie to just wake up, saw how often he came by the trailer just to check on him when he was home.

In short, nothing he did made any damn sense.

And what didn’t make any damn sense at this very moment was the fact that Steve was standing on Wayne’s porch holding Eddie’s hand.

“Someone better start talkin’ before I lock the both of ya out of this trailer,” he said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Wayne-“

“I think you’ve earned the right to call me Mr. Munson, don’t you?”

Wayne watched as Steve gulped, Eddie squeezed his hand, and they both took a step closer together.

He sighed.

“This is a sit down talk, ain’t it?” he asked Eddie.

“Yeah, probably,” he responded.

“Fine. Get inside. Be quiet. Mia’s sleepin’ and she ain’t due to wake up for a bottle for another hour.”

He walked inside, didn’t bother holding the door for either of them.

He was mad at Steve, sure, had been for a year now.

But he felt a simmering anger for Eddie, the nephew he loved so much, and his too-forgiving soul.

The only reason he was entertaining this conversation at all was because Eddie was giving him his big puppy dog eye look, the same one he used to get away with things as a kid and teenager, the same one Mia used to get extra snuggles before bed.

He sat in his chair, watched the way Steve and Eddie sat on the couch as close as they could get without being in each other’s laps.

“So you wanna explain why you’re here or should I assume it’s to hurt my boy again?” Wayne didn’t pull his punches, never had, never would, not when it came to protecting his family.

“Wayne-“

“Ed, I’m not askin’ you. I’m askin’ him. And then I’m gonna ask you so get your answers straight,” Wayne raised his brows at him before turning his eyes back to Steve, who looked even more tense. Good. “I’m gonna assume you came back to visit and didn’t think you’d run into Eddie, but you did. I’m also gonna assume you didn’t know about Mia. I’m gonna tell ya right now, I’m more protective of her than I am of Ed and you remember how protective I am of him.”

Steve nodded.

“Well? You gonna explain or am I just gonna send you on your way?”

“I guess you’re right, mostly. I didn’t plan on running into Eddie at first, and no one told me about Mia before. But I did and I met Mia, and I was hit with this feeling that I’d missed even more than I thought, and I was reminded that I left more than just friends. I left a future. I tried to find one, but the one I could’ve had never even got a chance. I-“ Steve cut himself off, looked at Eddie to gain some courage. “I shouldn’t have left the way I did and I won’t ever forgive myself for it or expect anyone else to. I was scared of a lot of things, my feelings for Eddie one of them, and I thought running would get rid of the fear. It didn’t. I kinda learned to live with it, though, at least until I came back and ran into Eddie. I saw what he had here with Mia, with you, with the kids, and I realized that the life I’ve been living is…I dunno, wasting away? I guess I just stopped caring about anything because it was easier than feeling the pain of leaving.”

Wayne could see they’d both been crying. Steve was crying again now, and Eddie looked like he wasn’t far behind.

It was easy to see that his pain was genuine, his incoming apology was genuine.

But that didn’t change things for Wayne, not without showing that he was going to actually do something to make it right for Eddie, for the kids who were just as hurt when he left.

“I’m sorry. For leaving, for hurting Eddie, and the kids, and anyone else, especially you. None of you deserved that, none of you should have had to wonder what happened or worried that you did something to upset me to make me leave. I’m sorry that you had to clean up the messes I left behind. I’m sorry that I may never be able to make it right.”

He could feel Eddie’s eyes on him, silently begging him to accept the apology for what it was.

“I’m gonna do everything I can, though. For Eddie, and you, and Mia. You all deserve more than I can give, but if you let me, I wanna try to give all I have,” he begged.

That’s what he was doing: begging.

Wayne could see how much Steve was relying on Wayne’s acceptance. Not forgiveness, maybe, but he needed Wayne to accept that he was here and recognizing his own failures.

“You know how much you hurt him?” Wayne said softer than he’d been speaking until now. “You know how many nights I was scared to go to work because he hadn’t slept in two or three days because he was crying and worried about you? How many mornings I came home and tried to make him breakfast and he wouldn’t eat because he was too worried? And how badly he needed you when Mia got here? How many times I walked in to hear him trying to muffle his cryin’ in his pillow while she slept, asking for you?”

Eddie didn’t know he’d heard that, he’d never mentioned it, but now was as good a time as any to let it out.

“You know how much I worried about him tryin’ to hold it all together for Mia? You don’t. You couldn’t. He wouldn’t tell you how bad it was, and no one else knows how bad it was. But I was here, I saw it all, I see how he still sometimes zones out while she’s taking a bottle, starin’ at your photo by his bed. How much he still misses you, loves you. And to me, you don’t deserve it-“

“Wayne-“

“Ed, not yet,” Wayne held his hand up. “You were selfish, exactly what I expected of a Harrington, and you just show up now thinkin’ I can allow it without bein’ on edge. I hear your apology, I think you’re genuinely sorry, but that don’t mean shit to me until you prove how sorry you are.”

“Can I talk now?” Eddie asked.

Wayne looked him over, sighing as he saw his clenched jaw, his rigid back. He nodded for Eddie to talk.

“I appreciate you sticking up for me, and you’re right. He shouldn’t just be forgiven because of an apology, not with the way he hurt me and not with how much I would have to lose if he were to leave me again. I know that. But I know Steve isn’t gonna do that again. He’s not,” Eddie insisted.

“And how do ya know that?”

“Because last time we didn’t say how we felt. This time we did. We both put it all out there. He knows what it would look like to leave now,” Eddie glanced behind him towards his bedroom. “He knows what he’d be leaving and he won’t do that. Not to me or Mia, and not to you.”

"So, what? You’re movin’ back to Hawkins?” Wayne directed his question to Steve, but his eyes still glanced back at Eddie as Steve tried to form a response.

He looked hesitant, and that was more reason for Wayne to be concerned.

If Eddie had even a hint of a doubt, Wayne wouldn’t listen to any explanations. Not a single one.

“I’m…not moving back here, no.”

That’s what he thought.

“So you’re leavin’? Again?” Wayne must be missing something.

Eddie wouldn’t allow this, and Wayne certainly wouldn’t.

“I’m leaving, but Eddie’s gonna come with me. Or he will soon, at least. When he’s ready and when Mia’s ready.”

Wayne sat back in his chair.

He turned all of his attention to Eddie, who looked suddenly like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

“Oh, is that what’s happening? Not to be a negative Nancy, but how you plan on doin’ that when you can’t even get a place here, Ed? You know the city is more expensive, that’s why you ain’t gone yet.”

He hated being the bad guy, hated doing this to Eddie when he knew he knew.

But sometimes love makes you do stupid things. Sometimes you need someone with logic to step in and think for you.

And sometimes, Wayne took his protective streak just a bit too far.

Like he did now.

“I’m well aware I can’t afford shit, Wayne, thank you. I know it’s expensive, I know it’s a risk, and I know that it won’t be easy. But I also know that I can’t stay trapped here, I can’t keep Mia trapped here, and I can’t live with myself if I never fucking try!”

Mia started crying in their room and Eddie instantly let go of Steve’s hand and stood up, already looking like he wanted to cry out of frustration.

“Eds-“

Wayne watched as Steve stood with him, reaching out a hand to stop him.

“It’s fine. I’ll be back,” Eddie brushed him away, turning and walking towards his room to take care of Mia.

Steve watched him go, and Wayne watched Steve.

Steve’s face fell, eyes closing to ward off tears that started to fall anyway.

He sat back down on the couch, his face turned to the floor.

“I know you’re angry with me, but can you please not take it out on him?” Steve whispered, his voice shaking.

Wayne would give Steve one thing: he was brave. He never stood down when it came to protecting the people he cared about, even if it meant causing more trouble for himself.

He respected it, even with his negative feelings toward Steve, he knew what Steve was risking by saying something like that to Wayne, and he knew he was doing it because of how much he cared for Eddie.

“I’m not tryin’ to take it out on him. I’m tryin’ to get you both to see some sense.” Wayne leaned forward in his chair, face softening as he took in the way Steve tensed. “You’ve started a new life just as much as Ed has. You’ve got your job, your friends, your future. Adding Ed and Mia to the mix ain’t gonna be easy. You both have to think about Mia more than yourselves.”

“We know it won’t be easy. I know. I don’t expect him to make a decision that could be bad for Mia. I don’t want either of them to get hurt any more than you do,” Steve argued.

“But you’ve already hurt him. I can’t let that happen again, Steve.”

Eddie walked into the kitchen holding Mia, trying to keep her looking away from Steve and Wayne, but failing.

“Mamamamamama!” Mia started yelling.

Wayne’s brows drew up, eyes widening comically.

Steve smiled at her, giving a small wave.

“Mama!” she started smacking Eddie’s face and kicking her legs like she was trying to fly to Steve. “Mama! Uh!”

Wayne watched as Steve gave in, making his way over to where Eddie looked like he was going to collapse on the floor, exhaustion and emotions clearly all catching up to him at once.

“Hi princess,” Steve said softly, holding his hand out to get her to stop hitting Eddie’s face excitedly. “Are you having good dreams?”

Steve took her from Eddie’s arms, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before waving to him to go away.

Wayne watched.

He took in the way Eddie’s entire body relaxed, how he looked at Mia in Steve’s arms with such adoration, so much love for her.

He never doubted Eddie’s devotion to Mia, to making sure she got everything she needed and felt loved.

And watching this scene now, watching Steve make her giggle in his arms while Eddie slumped against the counter for a moment, seeing how easy it was for them to fit like this, Wayne had to admit to himself that he was being unfair.

Maybe not completely — he still felt like his worry about their future was understandable — but he could see how jumping to the worst possible outcome wasn’t necessary.

“I got it,” Steve said quietly to Eddie as Mia babbled away in his arms.

“I can-“ Eddie started.

“I got it. Go talk to him,” Steve insisted, grabbing the bottle of formula from the counter to start filling the bottle Eddie already had sitting out.

Eddie turned to Wayne.

Wayne tilted his head towards the front door, silently suggesting they go out on the porch to talk.

Eddie nodded once before pecking a kiss on top of Mia’s head and one to Steve’s temple.

* - * - * - * - * -

Eddie and Wayne had always found solace in sitting on their front porch.

When things were hard, they came out here to make them easier.

Eddie took his spot on the top step while Wayne took his spot on the rocking chair.

They didn’t look at each other, didn’t have to when they were out here.

“I think I need you to explain to me what you and Steve had before he left,” Wayne said.

Eddie looked over at him briefly, nodding as he looked back at the front yard, the pitch black of the trailer park surrounding them.

“I don’t really know if I could explain it. It was technically nothing, I mean nothing more than friends. But we both knew it was more, or would be more. I loved him a lot, Wayne,” Eddie sighed. “And I think maybe I should have told him sooner. I think he would have stayed if I’d told him.”

“Why didn’t he tell you?” Wayne asked.

“He’s got…a rough history with telling someone how he feels. I knew I would have to be the one to make that move and I didn’t so that’s on me,” Eddie sighed. “But I’m not letting him just get away with what he did. I need you to understand that. My forgiveness for him is conditional and he knows that. He’s got work to do to make it right. But he’s trying already, and I need you to understand that he deserves the chance to keep trying.”

Wayne was watching him, letting his words sink in for a minute before responding.

“I love ya, kid. I just worry about the way you love people sometimes. Sometimes they don’t really deserve what you give them, and I can’t watch ya go through that kinda hurt again.” Wayne moved to sit down next to him on the step, grunting as his knees creaked and popped. “You really think he’s the one? For you and Mia?”

“I think that there’s a reason he came to the shop on the one day I have to handle the front, and there’s a reason that Mia already is obsessed with him, and I think the reason is that he’s supposed to be mine. I think he’s supposed to be ours.” Eddie bit his lip, wringing his hands together. “I know I’ve done a good hiding it over the last couple of months, but the hurt I felt when he first left never went away. I was still hurting just as much, it just got easier to show everyone that I wasn’t. Having him back, even if it’s only been for a minute, has changed everything for me.”

Wayne nodded, encouraging him to keep talking.

“I hope you get the chance to see the Steve that I’ve been able to see. I hope you can understand that he made a mistake and he’s owning up to it and making it right. I hope you can see that he’s good for me, and he’s good for Mia, and he’s good for our future. He’s good, Wayne. He’s the reason I’m even here to convince you to like him.”

“He’s also the reason you cried yourself to sleep for months,” Wayne said before letting out a long sigh. “But I hear ya. I can’t promise I can forgive him completely right now, but I can give him a shot. I can try. But I need ya to promise me something.”

“Anything,” Eddie nodded, hesitant smile on his face.

“I need ya to promise me that you’ll visit as often as ya can.”

Eddie let out a small sob, nodding as he fell into Wayne’s side.

“As much as we can, we’ll be here. Promise,” he said between breaths, his tears soaking through Wayne’s shirt.

“You better. And if anything happens, I want ya to come right home. No told ya so’s here, as long as you’re both okay,” Wayne said as he wrapped his arms around him.

“Okay.” Eddie sniffled, but didn’t move away from Wayne. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I guess I should be a little nicer if he’s gonna take on the task of making sure you remember to eat breakfast and fill your tank with gas,” Wayne teased.

Eddie pulled away with a shocked face.

“I can do that stuff by myself!”

“Uh huh. Sure ya do.”

Wayne hugged him again before standing up, groaning at the way his knees popped again.

“You invite him over for dinner tomorrow so I can get to know him better. No arguin’.”

“Will you be nice?” Eddie raised a brow at him.

“I’ll do my best. For you and Mia.”

Eddie nodded, smiling up at him. “Then I’ll tell him to come over after my shift.”

Wayne gave him a pat on the shoulder before walking back inside, hopefully to be nice to Steve or leave him alone entirely.

Eddie let out a long sigh.

“Jeez. That bad?” Steve joked from behind him.

Eddie turned quickly to see him standing there holding a sleeping Mia, blanket covering everything except her face.

“No, actually. Better than expected. She drink a whole bottle before passing out again?” Eddie went to stand up and take her from Steve, but Steve held out his hand to get him to stay put.

Steve sat down next to him slowly, making sure not to jostle Mia too much where she was drooling against his shoulder.

“She had about half.” Steve rubbed her back slowly, leaning his head onto Eddie’s shoulder.

Eddie wrapped his arm around Steve’s waist, tugging him into his side as gently as possible.

“She’s pretty attached to you,” Eddie whispered against his temple, letting his lips rest there while Steve relaxed against him.

“I’m pretty attached to her. And you. You’re pretty great,” Steve tilted his head up and beamed at him.

And it hit Eddie then. Maybe it should have hit a lot sooner, or maybe later.

He spent a lot of the last six months worried that it would always just be him and Mia.

Sure, he had Wayne, and the kids, and maybe even Robin if she decided to visit, but they weren’t Steve.

No matter what else he had, he never thought he’d have Steve.

Now he did, now he would.

He couldn’t help letting out a laugh, louder than he meant to, and immediately getting a glare from Steve when Mia let out a small whine.

He shushed her, patting her back and bouncing just slightly to try to keep her asleep.

Eddie watched with a fond smile.

Everything he wanted was here, everything.

He leaned down to kiss the top of Mia’s head.

“Sorry, I just realized that this is maybe the happiest I’ve been since you left. Maybe even before that,” Eddie whispered before leaning in to kiss Steve’s forehead.

“I’m gonna keep making you happy then,” Steve whispered back.

——————————

Steve spent the night, insisting on being the one to get up with Mia when she inevitably needed the other half of her bottle.

“You have work tomorrow, I’m just meeting up with the kids for a bit. I can take a nap,” he said with his hands on his hips, leaving no room for an argument.

Eddie fell asleep holding Steve against his chest, tracing patterns and words against his bare back.

When his alarm clock went off the next morning, Steve was already awake, sitting up in bed with Mia on his lap.

“Hey,” Eddie smiled at them, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

“Look who’s awake, princess!” Steve exclaimed, smiling at Mia then at Eddie.

“Mama!” Mia yelled.

“Nope, dada. Mama’s been awake. You remember, you were there. An hour ago when you decided that screaming was the best way to wake me up,” Steve said, never losing the smile on his face.

“Sorry, I usually wake up as soon as she starts crying,” Eddie apologized, sitting up so he could take her in his arms.

Steve handed her over, but cuddled into Eddie’s side instead of laying down or getting up.

“’S okay. We had a nice long talk about letting dada have his sleep, didn’t we?” Steve was poking Mia’s tummy, smiling as she giggled.

“Oh, you did?” Eddie booped Mia’s nose, smiling at her as she giggled. “And she signed the contract that says I get to sleep in until at least seven in the morning on weekends?”

Steve sighed.

“Unfortunately, my client refused that part of the contract. But she did agree to go to bed earlier tonight so we can spend time with Wayne.”

Eddie kissed the top of her head as she smacked his face and babbled random noises.

He kissed the top of Steve’s head after, smiling when Mia copied him, at least to the best of her abilities. Mostly, she left a trail of drool in Steve’s hair.

Eddie started to apologize, but Steve waved him off.

“I don’t mind, baby.”

Their morning flowed seamlessly; As Eddie got ready for work, Steve got Mia’s breakfast ready, following Eddie’s very detailed instructions perfectly.

Wayne was out fishing, had apparently already arranged with Steve that he’d be home by ten to take over watching Mia.

Steve even handed Eddie a plate of peanut butter toast with a raised eyebrow.

“Heard you forget to eat breakfast before your shifts.” Steve ran his hands through Eddie’s hair. “Not happening while I’m here. Eat.”

“Sir, yes, sir,” Eddie joked, ignoring the way Steve’s ears went red as he took a bite of the toast.

Mia babbled to herself and to them as she munched on her Cheerios and bananas, taking sips of her bottle every minute or so.

“Before you head out, is it alright if I use your phone? Just for a couple minutes.” Steve was wringing his hands together, a nervous habit Eddie had never noticed before. “I, uh. I’ve been doing daily morning check-ins with Robin. She was worried about me coming back here alone, so this is how I got her to agree.”

As much as Eddie wanted to dig deeper into that, ask a million questions about why she was so worried and why she was requiring check-ins, he knew neither of them had time for that.

“’Course you can, sweetheart. Tell her I said hi,” Eddie gave him a comforting smile.

He tried not to listen in, but the trailer was small and sound carried far, especially when Steve didn’t close his bedroom door.

But even Mia went quiet when she realized Steve had left the room, content to finish the last few bites of her breakfast in silence.

“Robs, it’s fine, I-“ A full minute of silence. “No, we talked and-“ He glanced over at Mia, who was looking towards the bedroom with her head tilted to the side like she was trying to listen too. He’d laugh if he wasn’t worried about making noise. “Robin. I’m fine. He’s fine. We’re fine. I’ll talk to you more about it tomorrow, okay?”

“Mama?” Mia asked, surprisingly quiet, like she knew she should be.

“He’ll be right back, princess.”

Eddie stood up to take care of his plate and start cleaning Mia’s hands and face from the mess she’d made.

Steve was by his side only a moment later, kissing his cheek and whispering a quick ‘thank you’ before he pulled Mia out of her high chair.

“Look at you! You did so good, princess. Barely even a mess on the bib,” Steve blew raspberries against her neck, making her laugh and flail her arms and legs.

“God, I love you,” Eddie said, unable to hold back for another second.

Steve looked over at him, eyes wide, awestruck.

“Yeah?”

As if Eddie hadn’t already professed it the night before, looked at him like he lit up the night sky ever since. As if Eddie hadn’t agreed to upend his entire life, go outside his comfort zone, take the biggest risk of his life for him.

“Yeah. More every minute, seems like.”

Steve tucked Mia against his hip, leaning over to kiss Eddie’s lips.

“I love you, too,” he breathed out, only pulling away when Mia started smacking at his cheek.

“Mama! Mama! Uh! Mama!”

“You are up, silly,” Steve said to her with a smile.

“Uh! Ooo? Ooo.”

Steve’s brows furrowed before his eyes widened and he looked at Eddie.

“Eddie. Oh my God.”

Eddie just stared back at him, waiting to understand what the sudden panic in Steve’s eyes was about.

“She’s trying to say ‘I love you’, listen,” Steve turned back to Mia and poked her belly. “Were you tellin’ Dada you love him?”

“Mama! Uh oooo!”

It seemed like a reach, but it was pretty damn close for what Mia was actually able to say.

“Sounds like she’s telling Mama she loves him,” Eddie nudged Steve’s arm.

He would probably be upset that Steve was getting all this attention if it wasn’t as adorable as it was, or if Steve didn’t have the reaction he did to most of it.

“I think she just doesn’t know how to say Dada yet,” Steve replied, but his eyes were filling with tears and Eddie knew he would start crying any moment.

“Maybe. Or maybe she loves us both.”

Steve kissed the top of her head and turned back to the clock on the wall.

“You’re gonna be late if you don’t go!” he exclaimed, pushing Eddie out of the kitchen.

“Okay, but-“

“No, go!”

“Kiss!” Eddie demanded, barely holding back an actual pout.

Steve kissed him again, a quick peck on the lips so he would hurry out the door.

“Bye! Love you both!”

“Love you!”

Those words would be all Eddie needed to get through his day.

———————————

Mondays were Adam’s days to bring lunch for them.

He’s a naturally good cook, always makes them some kind of casserole that’s way better than it should be.

Today was no different.

He’d been busy today, catching up on some paperwork from last week while the guys worked in the shop. Mondays were like that: high stress, very little downtime, and loud music.

It’s why he was grateful Wayne never worked Mondays.

Bringing Mia to the shop on one of their busiest days of the week would be difficult, even with help.

Because of this, the day flew by.

Adam brought him a plate of food for lunch, but he worked while he ate, unable to completely avoid a couple of customer phone calls and placing an order for parts.

After lunch, he was able to work in the shop with the guys, which he much preferred to having to sit at a desk.

Customers kept coming until nearly closing time, and Eddie had to turn the last two away because he would already be here late, and he couldn’t be. Not tonight.

Tonight was dinner with Steve and Wayne and it was too important to get stuck at work.

If he asked one of the other guys to stay, they would, but he couldn’t do that to any of them, not when he was supposed to show that he was a leader.

Imagine: Eddie being responsible. High school super senior Eddie wouldn’t even believe the maturity.

“You sure you don’t need us to stay, Ed?” Michael asked.

He worked part time during the week, fixed up old cars as his main job, but was always quick to offer to stay on their busy days.

“All good guys! Won’t be much longer, anyway,” he replied with his head in the hood of the Ford Escort that had been here for most of the day.

Everyone said goodbye as they trailed out of the shop door.

Eddie was distracted, trying to loosen a bolt that seemed like it was superglued to the engine, which was why hearing Steve’s voice right behind him made him jump so high he bumped his head on the hood.

“Fuck!”

“Sorry! I’m sorry! Are you okay?” Steve’s hands hovered over Eddie’s shoulders and arms, trying to figure out the best way to comfort him.

Eddie let out a laugh as he rubbed his head, turning completely so he could smile at Steve.

“I’m okay. What’re you doin’ here?” Eddie thought he was meeting him at the trailer in an hour, but maybe he’d been mistaken.

“I, um.” Steve ran his hand through his hair nervously. “I kinda missed you. And I drove by and saw everyone leaving except for you, so I thought I’d check on you.”

Eddie’s heart flipped over in his chest.

“You worried about me, Stevie?” Eddie teased, trying to cover the shake in his voice at the thought of Steve being concerned enough to go out of his way to check in.

“Always a little worried about you. Never know what you’re getting up to,” Steve teased back, finally settling his hands on Eddie’s arms.

“I’m okay. Just wanted to try to finish this one up before I go. It’s been a problem all day,” Eddie gestured to the car in front of him.

Steve leaned over the engine, nodding to himself and making little “hm” noises as if he was thinking about what the problem could be. Eddie watched him fondly, smirking as Steve stood back and put his hands on his hips.

“I think I know what the problem is.”

“Oh? Do tell.”

Steve faced him and smiled.

“You’re not fucking me in the backseat of it.”

Eddie’s jaw dropped.

“What.”

Steve leaned in, his breath ghosting over Eddie’s lips as his surprisingly heated gaze met Eddie’s.

“I may have spent the last hour working myself up a little too much. Don’t think I can make it through dinner without you taking care of me first, baby,” Steve whispered against his lips.

“In…this car? This one?” Eddie looked at the two door car, calculating how the hell they were both supposed to fit in the backseat in any position other than vertical.

“Mhm. This one. Unless you’ve got another one somewhere?” Steve looked around the otherwise empty shop. “I guess we could always go to my car or your van, but-“

“Nope, this one works. I’ll make it work,” Eddie interrupted, wiping his grease-stained hands on the towel he kept in his back pocket.

Steve didn’t seem to care that he was messy, or that they were technically in public, even if the shop was empty and would stay that way.

His lips were on Eddie’s, hungry, teeth biting into his bottom lip in a damn near frenzy to be as close as possible.

Eddie groaned into his mouth, his hands gripping Steve’s hips hard, pushing him towards the passenger seat of the car.

They didn’t separate while Eddie opened the car door, barely even separated when Eddie sat down in the seat, pulling Steve onto his lap.

“Said you got yourself all worked up for me?” Eddie asked as he unbuttoned Steve’s pants.

“Mhm,” Steve whined as Eddie’s hand brushed against his cock, his breath hot on his neck. “Wanted to be ready.”

Eddie froze.

“Ready? Steve, did you-“ Eddie pulled back and looked up at a smirking Steve. “Jesus Christ, where did you come from, sweetheart?”

“Please fuck me,” Steve replied, not answering the question at all, but Eddie couldn’t find it in himself to care.

He was too gone on the pleading look in Steve’s eyes, his hips rocking back and forth to find friction that Eddie wasn’t giving him yet.

“Gotta get your pants down,” Eddie tugged on his waistband to emphasize his point.

Steve managed to get up enough to pull his pants down to his ankles, though it was a slower process than it would have been in bed, or really anywhere that wasn’t a customer’s car.

God, he was fucking Steve for the first time in a customer’s car. This was one for the books.

“Shit, um, condom? I don’t exactly keep them on me,” Eddie said, coming back down to earth long enough to have some sense.

Steve shook his head.

“I’m good if you are. I mean, I haven’t — I haven’t slept with anyone since, well, shortly after graduation. Wow.” Steve huffed. “I should’ve thought to bring one.”

Eddie wasn’t letting this opportunity pass, not when he knew for a fact he was good to go without.

Instead of giving him an answer, Eddie finished unzipping his coveralls and tugged the waistband of his boxers down.

“Up for a second, love,” Eddie’s tone was demanding, but gentle, a moment of softness interrupting their previous rush.

Eddie sucked on his own fingers for a moment, making sure they were wet enough to ease the way. Even with Steve prepping himself beforehand, he didn’t want to cause any type of pain, not for their first time.

He reached down between them, smiling to himself when he felt how prepared Steve already was.

“You were just driving by? Or you were driving here?”

“Well, I-“

“Seems like you came straight here the moment you had three fingers in your ass, sweet thing,” Eddie slowly pushed two fingers into Steve, smirking as he met no resistance. “So hungry for it you couldn’t even wait until later?”

Steve whimpered, nodding quickly before throwing his head back as Eddie added a third finger.

“Please, I’m ready, I promise,” Steve begged.

He was, Eddie could tell. But the teasing was too fun.

“No, I don’t wanna hurt you, sweetheart. Probably should take my time in case you didn’t stretch yourself enough,” Eddie muttered against his neck, lightly nipping the skin.

“I’m good. I’m good, really.”

Eddie felt his legs quivering around him, holding himself up while Eddie’s fingers were stretching and searching inside him clearly a difficult task.

He withdrew his fingers quickly, ignoring the whine Steve let out at the loss, and grabbed the base of his cock.

“C’mere then,” Eddie growled out.

Steve fell forward, giving Eddie the perfect position to slide inside.

Steve’s moan as he filled him was like music to his ears, loud enough to echo in the whole shop.

Eddie held him still for a moment, let them both get used the feeling. As prepped as Steve was, as loose as he’d felt around his fingers, he still tight around his cock.

“Fuck, feel so good, Stevie,” Eddie sighed out, letting his forehead rest against Steve’s chest.

Steve’s hands curled into his hair, his lips brushed against the top of his head.

“Feels better than I imagined,” Steve breathed against him.

The moment was surprisingly soft for how desperate they’d both been only a moment ago. He let himself be held, let himself hold Steve, both of them holding this intensity between them.

Eddie kissed Steve’s chest, wishing he was completely naked, wishing he could spend all night worshiping every inch of Steve’s skin.

But he’d take this for now.

He rocked his hips up, tugging Steve down at the same time.

“Holy shit, Eds,” Steve whimpered. “You’re so deep.”

Steve’s words were almost slurred and Eddie had to pull away to look up at him properly.

His face was flush, hair already a mess.

Eddie had never loved him more.

“You gonna ride me or did you do all this work for nothing?”

Steve’s eyes hardened, the mischievous gleam making Eddie smirk back at him.

“I already did all the work, baby. Thought you’d take care of me.”

Oh, Eddie was gonna have too much fun with him.

He dug his fingertips into Steve’s waist and lifted him up, only to drop him back down on his cock.

The car was already rocking with their movements, and they’d barely even gotten started. Eddie didn’t care. He barely even noticed it once Steve gripped his shoulders and actually started riding him.

“That’s it, sweet boy. Take what you worked so hard for,” Eddie groaned.

Steve didn’t answer, just let out small whimpers and pants as he used Eddie’s shoulders as leverage to lift himself up and fall back down on Eddie’s length.

They didn’t have space to do everything Eddie wanted, but he reached over to put the seat back a few inches so he could work with a new angle.

The moment Steve moved in his lap, he tensed, his lips parting into an ‘o’ shape.

“Right there, sweetheart?” Eddie asked innocently.

Steve nodded, suddenly rendered silent by Eddie’s cock rubbing constantly against his prostate.

Eddie knew they didn’t have time to drag this out; Wayne was expecting both of them for dinner soon, and this car wouldn’t fix itself.

But someday soon he would spend hours like this in Steve’s car, maybe make Steve work for it all himself first, get him screaming his name before taking over, making him lay down face first in his backseat.

Or maybe he would lay out a blanket and pillow in the back of his van, play some music, open him up with his tongue and stay there for hours, tasting every part of Steve.

Maybe he’d find somewhere in the woods, park under the night sky, and fuck Steve on the hood of his car under the stars.

At some point, Eddie must have started daydreaming out loud because Steve was mumbling ‘yes, yes, please’ and ‘want that, too’ and Eddie was a goner.

His hips sped up, the head of his cock brushing against Steve’s spot with every thrust.

“Fuck, Eds, touch me, touch me, please.”

As much as Eddie could and would listen to Steve beg all night, he knew he was too close to the edge himself to make that happen.

He wrapped his hand around Steve’s leaking cock, pumped once, twice, and Steve was done for.

He clenched around Eddie so tight he could barely move, and that mixed with the sight of Steve coming apart above him was enough for Eddie to fill Steve with his own release.

Steve collapsed against his chest, breath labored and heart racing.

Eddie’s arms wrapped around him, a small laugh leaving him as he closed his eyes.

“What’s the laugh for?” Steve asked against his shoulder.

“Just can’t believe we fucked in a customer’s car. I’ll have to leave the windows open all night to air it out,” Eddie laughed again.

Steve sat up, smirking down at Eddie.

“Maybe we knocked something right and it works now,” Steve joked.

Eddie cupped Steve’s face in his hands and pulled him down to kiss him, his tongue tracing along his bottom lip.

When he pulled away, he smiled.

“Can’t believe you really showed up at my job just to fuck me,” Eddie shook his head. “I’m supposed to be a model employee.”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“Unless there’s a camera somewhere around, no one will ever know.”

“Oh, I didn’t mention? They have a security camera set up across the shop. Just filmed your first porn, Stevie.”

Steve slapped his chest, laughing.

“I gotta get up without making a mess,” he sighed.

“Didn’t think that part through, did you?”

“I’m not sure I thought any part through other than showing up,” Steve admitted, but he didn’t sound upset about it.

“And I am so happy you didn’t.”

He meant it, but a small part of him was maybe regretting their choices when cum started to drip out of Steve’s hole as he stood up to get out of the car, right onto the carpeted floorboard.

“Never getting that out,” Eddie shook his head. “Get dressed before we stain the seat.”

“You gotta finish up here before you go?” Steve asked as Eddie did what he could to wipe the cum from the floor.

“Just gonna try to start it again. If it doesn’t, I’ll just come in early to work on it.”

Steve watched as Eddie grabbed the keys from the workbench by the car and got in the driver’s seat.

He cranked the key.

The engine turned.

The car started.

“Unbelievable. We actually did fuck something into the right spot,” Eddie laughed in disbelief.

“Seriously?” Steve snorted. “I guess you should hire me then.”

“Be careful what you ask for, sweetheart. Could use someone to sit naked on the hood while I work,” Eddie winked as he shut off the car and got out. “Ready to go?”

Steve’s face fell.

“What is it?” Eddie asked.

“Just nervous. Wayne doesn’t like me,” Steve shrugged, trying to play it off like he wasn’t bothered when it was so clear that he was.

“He doesn’t like what you did. There’s a difference. He’s giving you a chance and you have to give him one, too, okay?”

Steve nodded.

“Okay!” Eddie clapped his hands together. “Ready to go home?”

“Yeah,” Steve smiled at the ground. “So ready.”

TAG LIST: @goodolefashionedloverboi @disrespectedgoatman @carlajim98 @loop-deloo

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

Writeblr Positivity Tag

I was not technically tagged by @winterandwords but I'm still grabbing it from the open tag, and leave it as such :)

1. What motivates you to write?

If I don't do it, no one else will write what I want to see.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

Gonna pick the lines that finished a 300k words project spread over 2 novels and 2 novellas :D

“But are you?” he asked after a moment, a hint of uncertainty on his face. “Happy, I mean. Is this how you imagined it?” Merridy looked from the airy, creme-white curtains to the shimmering rainbow glass shards, and out the window, where in the distance the ocean sparkled in the sun. She raised her gaze to Damien, his eyes fixed on her as if nothing else mattered. “No,” she whispered. “It’s better.”

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

We all know how obsessed I am with Damien, but another char that makes me happy is Riordan. I mean — how could a char I introduced as "fancy boots" not make me smile?

Between all the sad guys and tragic backstories, he's just happy and kind (and a bit naive and rude :D), with a nice family, a good life and some fun quirks. He's absolutely the friend Merry and Damien needed.

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

Finishing. Finishing a chapter. Finishing a book with the last little piece fallen into place. Finishing formatting. Just. Being done with something. I am constantly haunted by the fear my interest might vanish before I am done, so being done is... awesome.

Also then I get to make my friends cry then, so that's that.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Sadness :)

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

Writing can be so very lonely. Spending hours upon hours putting silly little words into a silly little document, no I can't show you anything because I am not done, but listen to me talk about my char you don't know so you don't understand anything about what I am saying.

But here, we all understand the struggle and share the excitement.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

Uh. Nothing really exists. I used to write in txt files, now I am in google docs so I can share more easily, which means I have at least a basic spell check now (which is nice, but also no google, I'm not talking about his sons.)

I guess InDesign (some shitty version from 2007) and Calibre are closest - I use them to format my books for printing and as ebook. Calibre is a rock star. InDesign is also the only program I've found so far that correctly fixes straight quotation marks in existing text when pasting in.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

I am a sucker for tying all stories together in some way — recurring characters and places through standalone books, stuff like that. A lot of it is conveniently put on the back of the Order of Fire. It's an order dedicated to gathering and preserving knowledge. They have citadels all over the place, they need scientists, scholars, mercenaries and housekeeping staff, they can connect people from different parts of the world when I need it.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

I don't know. There's so many reasons for a "rough patch", and every single one requires different advice. For example, "take a break" would be the worst thing I could do right now.

Your story is worth it. Only you can write it. Yes, even if it takes time. Yes, even if similar ones exist. Yes, even if it contains unpopular tropes. Yes.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

I have a list of my fav works here and I appreciate everyone who ever read my stuff and left a like or comment 💜

But as for support, @alittlewhump @verkja and @starlit-hopes-and-dreams are single(triple)handedly keeping my sanity up. I've found my people in more than one way, and I will stick to you like chewing gum you stepped into. I love you.

Template below the cut:

1. What motivates you to write?

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

[heartfucksmouth]

just crying silently while holding a finally-sleeping baby (20 lbs and 2.5 feet tall baby) who refused to nap longer than 30 mins today and has emotional tantrums like a 2 yr old, complete with throwing their bodies backwards and biting lolol this poor kiddo just wants to be a big people

I think I'm just crying bc I'm so tired and feeling a lot of conflicting emotions about literally everything in life. like why does the world continue to spiral out in flames and I feel like I'm in survival mode when all I've wanted to do for 4 years is actually LIVE and THRIVE and, now, raise my child to be a good human but everything is isolating and a fucking battle to get done and I feel lonely and I can't even spend time with my partner or focus on myself I feel like time is constantly running out, money is running out, kindness is running out, and my brain cells can't even function anymore.

like. being a mom and being ill is really fucking hard. as if that's a surprise, but I'm so overwhelmed anticipating the next 3 months bc I've got 10 more appointments this month alone, plus an endoscopy and my pre-op is in MAY and I'm gonna have fucking hip surgery while I have a 1 year old who will probably definitely be walking lmao

also the world is on fire, did I say that? myles hours got cut at ups bc they're greedy fucks and we simultaneously lost our food stamps bc he made too much money during holiday season and I've been waiting over a month for my new application to get filed and I'm basically living on coffee smoothies electrolytes and whatever his mom cooks for dinner. at least I can kind of feed my kid tho even tho he wants solid food already bc on the inside he's a 30 yr old and WIC only pays for formula + purees.

day by day. hour by hour. it's all I can do. I'm so. fuvking. sick of burning out 2 days after I finally recover. I have so much more to say but no energy to form words anymore.

parenting is so fucking triggering it's wild. today wasn't even all that bad, either, but everything reminds me of my past right now. and I continue having to mask and play nice with a literal energy vampire that we live with sooooo

editing to add that I am still extremely obsessed with my son , he's beautiful and his laughter is like a drug I've never experienced and he looks like a literal cherub when he sleeps but holy shit let's start being honest about parenting too. this world doesn't make ANYTHING easy for most people...

[valeriasfragments]

Fragments About Sacramento and the Castle

[1]

She's standing at baggage claim turnstile of Sacramento International Airport sending her 13th unanswered text while trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her chest. 

Crestfallen and broken by the deafening silence. She wants the girl she has fallen in love with to at least answer her phone and reject her directly but instead she never hears from her again. Aching, wounding silence.

She wheels her baggage into a bathroom stall and cries so hard she feels like she's going to throw up, even gags a few times, her knees wet from the disgusting bathroom floor. 

This one hurts her for a long time, years of wondering what she could have done differently. She goes over every wrong thing she said.

They had talked for hours and hours, made each other laugh long into the night at the possibilities of the future they were growing together, and she never plans a future again, too afraid to curse all the good things she ever wanted.

And now she's here retching into the large bathroom stall, doesn't know what she is going to do since her return flight is 15 days away, 15 days she was supposed to spend with the love her life, or who she thought was the love of her life, now just a ghost in the shape of a pretty girl. 

She's trembling when she stands, spent too long on her knees and now they threaten to dislocate themselves under her weight. She leans in the corner of the stall for a few minutes, waiting for the blood to recirculate, and spends some time soaking up the piss from her knees.

When she gets back out to the curb she is crying again but now it's a gentle leak of her face dripping on her shirt. She starts texting everyone she knows in the city and luckily her friend takes her in for the duration of her stay, the endless kindness and generosity of the girl who loves cows with the rambunctious but lovable dog. She sees her first Rocky Horror shadow cast, eats amazing food, and makes the best of things as they were.

[2]

"So what brought you to Sacramento?" She asks from the bar, her bar. Her apartment is very nice, probably the nicest domicile I have ever been in. She has a great view of the town here as I sit on a white leather couch less than 10 feet from the bar, her bar. 

"Oh, just a little vacation in a city I always wanted to visit." I lie, not wanting to ruin the mood with more crying. I just wanted to do something fun, maybe memorable, and so I am doing something I would never normally do. 

Not that long ago I was standing in a dingy rented dance studio watching the Rocky Horror shadow cast rehearsals. My pervert brain is trying so hard to not look at the gorgeous woman changing mere feet from me and I almost fail, but I am saved from my own deviance when my dating profile receives a notification. “Hey, I’m a little drunk and you’re a lot cute, wanna come over and chill with me?”

I've been chatting with this girl for a few days, I'm gonna call her June because it's not even close to her real name, and I let loose that I would be in town for about 2 weeks and she told me to let her know when I had free time. And I do. I did. “I’d really like that :3 ”. Like I said I'm not a one night stand kind of gal, but I am trying to experience new things.

I meet her at the curb and she pulls up in one of those James Bond rich guy cars, a Bentley maybe, it's not important and I’m not a car gal. What is important is the car is easily over $100 grand. 

“Get in, cutie.” She smiles at me, takes a drag off her cigarette, I hear the automatic lock disengage the mechanism, and I fumble awkwardly with the door handle. I throw myself in, I am just closing the door and we are off like a rocket sending me scrambling for my seat belt.

I don’t immediately notice, it’s a block or two, but she’s very obviously intoxicated, too intoxicated to drive, and now I am in this car with her. And she is driving like a maniac. The entire time I'm trying to act natural while I am on the verge of screaming. 

Oh and this is where she mentions that her family owns a fucking castle in Scotland. She definitely has a faint British accent, a Brit would tell me where exactly it originally came from and how posh she sounded. Also she talks a million miles an hour.

When we get to her apartment I finally get a good look at her, everyone looks a little different in person vs photos, something to do with perspective probably. And my goodness she is incredible looking, I fight to keep my jaw from hitting the floor.

June is a 5’1'' Asian girl, black hair braided down to the middle of her back, sexy black dress with the super hot leg slit that is my FAVORITE, and a clutch purse decorated with glittery skulls. Her thick black lipstick stains her clove cigarettes when she takes a drag, and she wore sunglasses but was always looking over them to see.

She pours me like a scotch or something, I hardly drink it because that was never my thing. She puts a hand on my knee at some point and my anxiety almost escapes my mouth but I choke it down. My heart is beating a million miles an hour. This is so new to me, I am dying inside and incredibly turned on; a maelstrom in my mind. I am afraid of making the wrong move or saying the wrong thing, I don’t know how to act cool, calm or collected and I’m not a one night stand kind of gal.

Near trembling I think she senses my apprehension. She leans in, our lips meet, I can feel her hot breath on me, it reeks of alcohol, she leaves a bit of lipstick on my lips, I can taste her cloves, and then…  and then she pulls away, runs to the balcony and vomits the contents of her stomach off her balcony above the city. She calls a cab to take me home after a few tears and a million apologies. She never talks to me again. 

[iamfuckingsorry]

I've slept for like maybe 4 hours a night on average since Wednesday last week and I am /so/ fucking over it. I got like 7 hours last night because I stupidly agreed to go on a trip and got home very late, but man that's not anywhere close to enough. I've spent the entire day tired af today, was /so/ tired and ready to fall asleep when I got home from work, but decided I was gonna wait till at least like 8 pm because I didn't wanna wake up at 2 in the morning unable to fall back asleep. Then it got to like 7 pm and my roomies all started hanging out in the kitchen, and the new guy has never heard of the term inside voice, and the washer was running and they were playing cards and it was. I spent two hours in bed with the lights off trying to fall asleep but I only managed to listen to a convo about how it's important to eat meat and protein and how bad carbs are for you (my new roomie is a gymbro)...

Now all my roomies are quiet but my upstairs neighbour it watching TV so loud I can hear every single word, and there's fireworks going off somewhere as fucking always, and I'm too upset to be able to fall asleep anyway. And I have to bite my fucking lip when crying to stop myself from making any sounds, because then everyone in this flat and every single one of my neighbours would hear me. And I can't even sleep in on weekends or anything, I literally get woken up by my flatmates being loud anyway.

And I dunno, I know I might just need to get over myself, but I'm just so fucking tired, and so fucking upset that I can't even choose /when I want to go to sleep in my own fucking home/, and I'll be stuck living like this for the next 6 months, and I know it's not /that/ bad, but also maybe it is that bad, and either way I don't wanna do it, but I fucking have to because I'm already paying some 65% of my current income for rent (with 4 flatmates! I honestly should have just paid a bit more for a tiny shitty studio) and I can't afford to break the lease. Like even if I move back home tomorrow I'm still stuck paying my fucking lease.

I know this is extremely minor compared to problems some of y'all are having, but man, I am *so* upset by this. Like I cannot spend 8 hours a day sitting in a loud af open space office, commuting 2-3 hours a day because the buses are so fucking unreliable, then come home and be surrounded by more noise and not even be able to do normal things when I want to. Like even getting 7-8h of sleep somewhat consistently is not /great/ for me, I'm a 9 hours a night kind of person, and this will absolutely ruin me if I have to do this for 6 months. And it's for a shitty fucking job that I thought sounded interesting but that's been extremely meh so far and doesn't even pay minimum wage because of some weird legal loophole.

Legit considering ways to get evicted.

[amber-tries]

I work at a boutique fitness studio

One of my friendship metrics is whether or not I can speak to somebody openly about my weight loss. This isn’t to say that anybody who doesn’t speak to me about it is not a good friend. Further, there are many people who do speak to me about it without really speaking; with their upturned lip whenever I mention needing to work out, or the raised eyebrow when I mention my uncanny ability to know how much food weighs just by holding it in my hand (especially if something weighs 28 grammes, which is the standard serving size for crispy crunchy snacks. Here, feel these cheez-its!) But weight is a really strange thing and bodies are very strange things. Being able to speak about these strange things is vulnerable and raw, especially when my body is the corpus through which those dialogues happen. Talking about my weight loss doesn’t necessarily make a friendship better nor healthier. It makes it strange, but, like, in a good way. 

I’ve always wanted to write a longer-form piece on what it means to have lost weight, especially in academia. There are at least one hundred Reddit posts and self-help books and podcasts I could name right now that do this very thing, so I haven’t. Like my academic writing, I don’t know what I’m innovating. I don’t know what I am contributing to the literature! In most of these self-help guides, there are lists of the causes and effects of weight loss, as well as the health, societal and societal health benefits of weight loss. 

Well, I’m gonna write some stuff down! There are a few weird things that have happened ever since I lost weight. (If you must know, it’s been roughly 100 pounds). Here are those things in no particular order besides that which is weighing on my brain--and my heart, sort of--on this chilly Berkeley night. 

1) I am always cold. This one is in most of those aforementioned lists. NOT innovating.

2) I cannot lay stomach-down on a flat surface without my hip bones hurting. Also in the lists, sometimes. 

3) I seem to have no more platonic male friends. A lot of the literature talks about very interesting revenge fantasies-come-true, like the one girl who rejected some guy when he was big who he then got to reject when he was thin. Or the girl whose many exes came crawling back after she got lean. But nobody talks a lot about losing male friends. 

This one actually hurts. I don’t like to believe it’s true. I spent many years of my larger life with a mixed-gender group of friends. I always cherished my female friendships, but I would also spend hours upon hours at bars with men, one-on-one over innumerable drinks, listening to them speak about their love affairs and girlfriends and families and research. They would listen to me rant about my own shit, like we were playing some game of tortured tennis-- and it was fun. Between Dallas, Austin, Paris, and the East Bay, we’d laugh, we’d cry, or we’d play pool. Sometimes, the metros would close down or Ubers would be too expensive, so we’d light spliffs and sleep on each others’ floors while we coached each other on Tinder. 

My friend Ciele was telling me about this book she read that she forgot the name of. It explores various spectra of friendships between platonic and romantic. Essentially, per her summary, “there are friendships that you just sorta keep around with the gender(s) you’re attracted to but they’re never really platonic, cause you always wanna screw each other. But they’re also not romantic. Ya know, they’re somewhere in between,” the binary is cloudy. Or maybe the book’s mission, at least to me, is to convince us that the binary doesn’t even exist.

I don’t know. What I do know is that, since 2019, I have not shared any drinks or dinners after five PM with a guy friend, and I haven’t spent a post-spliff night on any man’s floor. If I did, to quote one guy friend who went AWOL on me in 2020, “their girlfriend would hate me.”

4) More girlfriends hate me. 9 times out of 10 I will befriend the girlfriend and end up being her very good friend. I always enjoy that process! But it is more effort than I used to have to extend, all just to keep the waters from being too choppy.

5) Did I tell you I can weigh cheez-its without a scale? I have a 20% margin of error, but it’s kinda neat.

[holdingforgeneralhugs]

hi, emma! how are you?

can I request a headcanon with Speirs, Winter, Luz and Liebgott about a reader who falls for them but it's unrequited? I need all the hurt and angst, thank you!! <3

Hello dear anon, thank you for the brilliant request this is gonna be such a heart wrencher to write for me because I love them all so much 😩

Note: I did in fact cry several times writing this, and I'm pretty sure my heart cracked in half.

Ron Speirs

There'd always been something about him that drew your attention, something dangerously alluring.

The others would actively try to avoid him because "he's absolutely terrifying" but you went out of your way to bump into him. That was made a lot easier when he joined Easy.

Once you got to know him you realised that beneath the scary facade was a deeply caring and kind hearted man, and you fell head over heels for him.

Many hours between Hagenau and Zell Am See were spent chatting quietly together about everything from the weather to philosophy. You could talk for hours and never get bored. There was also plenty of sarcastic jibes thrown back and forth, but always in good spirit.

You thought he surely must have known how you felt, it was the worst kept secret in the company for chrissakes.

Eventually you built up the courage to tell him, you just needed a stiff drink first. Your heart sank when you walked into the bar and saw him with his arm around a pretty nurse. You wanted to run but you were rooted to the spot, hardly able to breathe.

Unfortunately that's when he spotted you, and he grinned brightly at you and waved you over and what could you do only go along with him because damn that smile.

"Hey let me introduce you to a good friend of mine," he said, and it was like a dagger being slowly pushed into your chest, inch by inch. Because that's all you were to him, a good friend.

Dick Winters

It was almost too easy to fall in love with him.

You'd always looked to him for motivation to keep going, and had always admired his determination and sensible leadership.

It was only when you got promoted and started working with him that you truly saw the real him.

He was wonderful. He was compassionate and humble and so so kind. But he was also sharp as a tack and delightfully funny in the most understated way.

You found every excuse you could think of to spend as much time as possible with him because it was one of the few joys you had in an otherwise miserable time.

He also started to seek you out more often, and you couldn't supress the little flutter of hope you felt in your chest that maybe, just maybe, your feelings might be reciprocated.

He'd talk of the farm he hoped to own if he made it home, and you couldn't help but imagine yourself right there with him in a quiet little corner of the world.

It was actually Nix who unintentionally burst your bubble one fine summers day in some German Town.

"C'mon Dick we're almost finished over here," Nix sighed dramatically, "You've got to find yourself at least one nice European lady before we head home."

"Who says I haven't already?" Dick laughed, his cheeks redenning. You almost choked on your drink but just about managed to keep it together, though you could feel Nix's heavy gaze resting on you.

"Have you met the future Mrs Winters then eh?" Nix asked coyly.

"No not yet," Dick shrugged, "I think that can wait until we hopefully get settled back home don't you?"

You bit your tongue so hard you almost tasted blood, but it was better than letting any tears spill over. Clearly you'd been wrong. He had no idea how you felt, and you were nothing more to him than another wartime friend. But you couldn't blame him for it. It wasn't his fault you'd misconstrued his friendliness for something else.

George Luz

George really was your best friend. Nobody could make you laugh the way he did.

You were the ultimate double act when you were together, always entertaining the others even in the worst of times.

But you also trusted him more than anybody. Whenever you were feeling down or needed a friendly face you'd seek him out, and vice versa.

It was bound to happen that you'd fall in love with him, I mean how could you not? He was your best friend, the most amazing person in the whole world.

You knew he didn't love you in that way though, and it broke your heart every day. You'd hear him tease the others about being too chicken to make a move on a girl they liked, and how he wouldn't make that mistake. He'd talk about how if he had a girl he'd treat her to all the finest things in life. It was obvious he didn't see you as anything more than a best friend, because if he did he'd have made his move already.

Joe Liebgott

You and Joe clashed quite a lot in the beginning. He was a total hot head and he drove you absolutely insane. Barely a day went by without you two throwing barbs at each other.

Somewhere along the line those barbs into flirting, and before you knew it you had some sort of flirtationship going on with him.

It was all fun and games until you were all out at a bar one night and you saw this pretty blonde approach him. The gnawing feeling you got I'm your gut was impossible to ignore, and you had to admit to yourself that you had a teeny tiny crush on him.

That teeny tiny crush grew exponentially the more time you spent with him. He was a total idiot half the time, but he was caring and he could be so sweet and so funny too. It hit you like a tonne of bricks that you were totally in love with him.

Of course you didn't say anything, that would be totally embarrassing. And anyways there was no way he'd have feelings for you.

But then he'd put his head on your shoulder, or give you a cheeky smile, or brush your hand in passing and try as you might you couldn't help the bubbling hope that maybe he did have feelings for you.

That bubble of hope was violently burst as you sat on the back of a troop truck on your way through Germany. Your heart grew painfully cold as you sat beside him and had to listen to him talk all about the dream woman he was going to find for himself when he got home.

Taglist:  @tvserie-s-world @geniedocroe @generousdreamlanddestiny @sofietargaryen @cagzzz107 @stolemyspoons @alejodi0nysus @sunflowerchuck @now-im-a-belieber @delreyleclerc @50svibes @eugene-emt-roe @pennyllane @televisionboy @francois-ceverts @ask-you-what-sir @parajumpboots @mads-weasley @tetragonia

[firesighgirl]

Let's start by these two memes that are me right now. And then I will copy and paste my whole note about this chapter bc I can't stop whining and kicking and screaming

[ ] yoongi's jeans are as ripped as he is heyo???!?!💀 I AM SWEATING ALREADY

[ ] The warnings GOSH THAT_SHOULD_BE_ME.MP3

[ ] "A lesson that people are more like seasons than flowers. They change with or without you. And they pass by." FUCKKKK tell that to my adolescent self bc I also learned it the hard way

[ ] Reader kept all of their brother's trophies in their bedroom bc it's always nice to look at his achievements as a proud Lil sis🥹

[ ] WAIT WAIT YOONGI WAS HOLDING READER WHILE BRO LITERALLY ATTACKED JK DHJDJSKDKKD THAT IS SO INTENSE AND THE LOOK ON YOONGI'S FACE AAAAHHHH

[ ] Of course the breakup with jk would be the source to all or reader's trust, intimacy and confidence issues! When your first love is over then you lose your footing and your safe space, I get it I get it! It took them years and a yoongi to learn to be themselves again

[ ] OH THEY FINALLY BROKE DOWN ISN'T THAT THE CLOSURE THEY BOTH NEEDED??😭

[ ] what what is jk doing DON'T DO IT DUDE STOPPPP

[ ] I feel like I keep saying oh God during this chapter but YEA THAT'S THE MOOD at least he respected them

[ ] DOM KNOWS DOM KNOWS DOM KNOWS AND ANYONE WITH 2 FUNCTIONING EYES CAN SEE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO EACH OTHER FJJFKDKDKDKKD I AM 🦋🦋🦋🦋 on another note, I keep picturing dom as bibi, maybe bc I want them both to step on me🫣

[ ] YOONGI WON'T BE WITH READER FOR SOME TIME??? MY HEART DROPPED TO MY ASS WHAT IS GOING ON

[ ] "If people are like seasons... which one will yoongi be?" F.U.C.K.

[ ] "He was committing your every feature to memory" I'M READY TO START CRYING ARE YOU SERIOUS RYEN I AM COMING OVER TO HAVE A TALK

[ ] Bro is overprotective and no I get it bc WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH THEIR PARENTS OHMYGOD they really abandoned them as soon as bro was old enough to fend for both of them??? Damn.

[ ] YOONGI ON THE PHONE IS DEADLY I AM ABOUT TO BITE INTO MY FIST, PILLOW, FOOT, WHATEVER I FIND CLOSER!!! HE OLAYED GUITAR FOR THEM FJDJKDKDKDKDKD

[ ] Tae is the best bff!!! He knows what to say and when it's the right time to say it! Jimin is indeed the luckiest man to be with him (waiting for them to be official🧿🩷)

[ ] Yay reader got the job!!! And wait?? How long has it been since the house party??? At least 2 months, right? Fuck I would have become feral if it took this long to see yoongi

[ ] He sent her food at the office???WITH TANGERINES??? THAT'S IT IM GOING BALLISTIC

[ ] what did reader order. Hmmmmm👀👀👀a new sundress? sexy lingerie? A toy meant to be used by 2 people?? A WHIP? okay I'm stopping now🫣

[ ] IT'S BEEN 3 MONTHS??? OH NO!!! not the balcony mention as well!!!! I'VE BEEN HOLDING MY TEARS FOR AT LEAST HALF AN HOUR NOW AND WHEN I SNAP I WILL CRY HARDER THAN THE READER

[ ] My brain keeps singing spring day too gghjjghb

[ ] He knew!!! He knew reader was in a bad mentally state and he came for them!!! I am LAUGHING SO HARD they stole jimin's chips jdkdkdkdkdk yea reader is a hustler indeed!! The public kiss🥺yoongi's outfit🤪yoongi's long hair🫠🥵

[ ] "Yes my love" STATIC NOISES. OLD WINDOWS DESKTOP NOISES. SILENT SCREAMING.

[ ] THANK YOU READER FOR SPEAKING YOUR MIND🗣FIGHT FOR YOUR MAN🗣DEMAND TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM BECAUSE YOU REALLY LIKE HIM🗣ASK TO CHOKE ON HIS DI-wait, what?

[ ] "Choke me. Use me. I don't care, do it all. [...] don't be nice. Spit in my mouth. Make me beg like a fucking slut, I need it" ANDDDD THAT'S MY QUEUE YESSSS QUEEN ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE WE WANT ALL OF THAT TO HAPPEN TO US!!!

[ ] FUCKING HELL LOOK AT READER!!!!!!! MY HEAD IS SPINNING!!!! is that a glimpse of what they used to be before the emotional turmoil jk brought them to? Bc F U C K

[ ] Yoongi king of consent before he fucks your throat and slaps your face with his cawk🥹

[ ] HE IS GONNA FUCK AND MAKE LOVE TO THEM WITH THEIR HEELS ON? GODDDDDD I AM THE ONE BEING NERVOUS HERE AND IM NOT EVEN IN THE PRESENCE OF HIS PIERCING GAZE FJJDKDKDKKD

[ ] No for real I am at the beach soaking the sun, wishing I was sucking yoongi's di-🏃‍♀️

[ ] "Fuck me like you missed me" FUCK US YOONGI WE'RE AT OUR LIMIT

[ ] He wants them to beg!?!??! OH WE WILL BEG WE DON'T HAVE DIGNITY USE US SLAP US

[ ] "I need you too" PASSING THE FUCK OUT and his hands are shaking???? THAT'S SO HOT HE'S TRYING TO HOLD BACK

[ ] He's choking them and spat in their mouth and asking for them to say thank you??? RYEN STOP POKING AT MY BRAIN AND MY KINKS LIST FJJDKDKDK

[ ] His dark laugh while he's pining them down his desk?!?!?!?!? 🪽🪽me ascending🪽🪽

[ ] HOLDING THEM UP BY THEIR THROAT!!!! atp I'm just retyping in caps what I like and kick my feet up

[ ] "Don't fall in love" WHAT? yoongi said that to them or it was a thought?? Bc I think it's too late for that

[ ] FINALLY A CHAINS MENTION I WAS WAITING FOR THE STAR OF THE SHOW⛓️⛓️⛓️

[ ] Talking them through it. Yea that's it that's my shit

[ ] The aftercare!!! The cuddling!!! The mention of the cat!!! We!!want!!to!!meet!!the!!cat!! Stop gatekeeping her yoongi🗣

[ ] Oh finally they got a date for their album!! Yay!!🥳🥳🥳

[ ] OH MY GOD YOONGI WAS CRYING IN THEIR ARMS WHILE THEY WERE HUMMING😫🥺😭🫢WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

[ ] Oh yea.. the return to reality!!! Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuckkk

RYEN!!!! I WAS SHOOKETH FOR THE WHOLE 18.8K I LOVED IT I WAS CLUTCHING MY SHEETS MY PEALS AND THEN MY BEACHTOWEL I HAD TO TAKE MULTIPLE BREAKS, MOSTLY TO DUMP MY HEAD INTO THE SEA FOR A HOT MINUTE!!! thank you for another incredible chapter and watch out bc I am coming over to yell at you bc I'm yet again sexuallt frustrated and then to kiss your forehead and take you on that ice cream date🥹🩷oh how I've missed babbling incoherently under your new chapters

busted (3tan) (m) | myg

title: busted  pairing: 3tan!yoongi x reader(f) , jungkook x reader(f) series: masterlist | three tangerines | fireworks | house party | basketball | stay | sidewalk talk | friends | dalo | like that | anytime | sundress season | yoongi’s interlude | forfeit | flutter | video call rating/genre: m (18+) ; angst , fluff , smut ; brother’s best friend au, implied age gap au summary: when things go a bit south at your house party, decisions between you and yoongi have to be made. note: well. here we are, y’all. it’s been quite a long time, but we are back to regularly scheduled programming :’)) thank you to everyone that has supported and encouraged me throughout this whole process – and series, for that matter. i couldn’t have done this without y’all and the next part is already in the works. also i cried a lot writing this lol have fun! note 2: happy birthday, hedgehog! and to colourless and nicki and whoever else had birthdays recently, consider this my gift to y’all! warnings: language, the amount of content itself fck i’m so sorry, parties, alcohol consumption, tense situations, shoving, obligatory yoongi on the phone, ch*king, head/hair pulling, reader has a pain kink and it shows oops, angst, overthinking :((, penetrative s*x, chains but come on now, protective s*x, cowgirl, or*l (m/f rec), edg*ng a ha ha, thro*tf*cking, kissing :’))), kissing D:, did i say angst?, bro😵‍💫, but also bro😭, jungkook gets a warning too, yoongi’s jeans are as ripped as he is heyo, hitting from the b b back, yoongi king of consent sheesh, multiple org*sms, spitting lmfao, sl*t/wh*re mentions, yoongi jfc lol, the aftercare y’all i–😭, the ending🧍  drop date: june 9th, 2023, 7:17pm est  word count: 18.8k gdi

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Here goes nothing and everything.

Keep reading

[xoxo-teddybear]

What Have I Done? - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: Angst, Physical injuries, cursing

Summary: An argument gone out of hand. Y/N just wanted Katsuki to be home more. They’re married and yet she barely sees him throughout the week. When she finally speaks on her hurt feelings, she gets a reaction she definitely wasn’t expecting.

Chapter 1 -> Chapter 2

A/N:.....I cried while writing this.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

‘He’s gone already. Again. Like always.’

Y/N had awoken to another empty bed. Her husband’s side of the mattress remained cold and empty. This wasn’t anything new. It’s been like this for the past few months. She would wake up alone, eat breakfast alone, spend her day alone, eat dinner alone, and go back to sleep at the end of the day...alone.

It’s not that Katsuki is intentionally ignoring Y/N. He loves her with his everything, he truly does! But villains never rest and neither does he. He’s so preoccupied with hero work that when he does get a day off, his friends drag him away to a bar or game night. Y/N always ran through his head but she had always been so understanding. And besides, she knows how busy the life of a pro is. She used to be one so she gets it. Right?

Wrong. She doesn’t get it. Because even when she was a pro, her and Katsuki always found time for each other. And ever since said man made her quit, claiming he could take care of both of them easily and he would feel better knowing his beloved is safe at home, they’ve seen each other less and less. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Y/N was willing to quit her dream because she found a new dream in Katsuki. She always imagined that being his little housewife would give them more time together but the opposite of that came true. Now she sits in the big empty house with no company for hours on end.

Her sadness builds up every day. She misses her husband. She tries to be an understanding wife but at this point, it’s like he’s not even trying to make an effort to see her. It’s like he’s settled to just coming home to her sleeping form and waking up to her in the exact same state, leaving before he can witness her do anything else. He should understand her though, no? I mean, she had brought it up to him in a very casual way and so he never took it seriously, but she’s mentioned it before. He should have a pretty vivid image of how shes been feeling. Right?

After 6 months of loneliness and being ‘Katsuki-deprived,’ Y/N made her move to speak to her husband about her feelings. She already imagined the outcome. An argument due to Katsuki’s brash behavior and her ‘never back down’ attitude, sad times bringing in the silent treatment for the two of you up until the both of you give in and forgive each other due to the love you have. Finally ending in a compromise. Y/N released a heavy breath as she looked at the time.

1:36 a.m. Just a few more minutes until Katsuki’s home.

—

He was pissed. 3 large scale bank robberies, 10 villain-wannabe fights, an argument with his publicist about his ‘out of line attitude,’ and Deku replacing him on a random ass billboard. The last detail wouldn’t have mattered if it was anybody else but the fact that it was Deku had him riled up. He just wanted to go home to a quiet house with his beautiful wife and admire her gorgeous, slumbering state. However that was not what he was greeted with.

Katsuki grumbled as he unlocked the front door and walked in. He noticed the lights were still on and saw Y/N still awake, seated on the couch. On any other day, he’d be elated to see his wife was still up. They’d talk and cuddle and go to sleep together. If he was lucky, they’d both make love until the sun rose. But tonight, that wouldn’t be happening. He wanted a quiet house with his sleeping wife. Not..whatever was about to happen. He sighed as he dropped his bag at the front door and sloppily placed his keys in the glass bowl near the door.

“What’re you doing up dumbass?” He asked as he walked to the kitchen, not even bothering to take off his shoes. He needed a drink.

“I was waiting for you, Katsuki. I just wanted to talk to you about something,” you said in a soft voice, hoping it would suppress his for sure incoming anger. Katsuki closed the fridge with a kick to the heavy door and chugged down a quarter of his drink.

“I’m not in the mood. Had a shitty day and I wanna sleep. Just go to bed.” He said sternly while trying to finish his beer as fast as he could.

“Don’t you think I would’ve done that hours ago? I wouldn’t have stayed up and waited for you if this wasn’t important. Please Katsuki, I really wanna talk.” Bakugou was beginning to grow annoyed. Why wouldn’t you just drop it already? He squeezed his bottle hard enough for it too crack before he spoke with a louder voice.

“Y/N! You’re not listening! I’m tired. I had a horrible day and I just want to sleep. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to stay up anymore, and I don’t want to listen to whatever bullshit you’re about to complain and bitch about like you always do!” He screamed. His words made your jaw drop.

“Not listening?! That’s all I do! All I do is listen to your every command so that you come home happy-“

“Well it looks like you failed today!” He said, cutting you off.

“Quit interrupting! And what was it that you said?! All I do is bitch and complain?! I’m trying to talk to you about something serious here Katsuki!” You pleaded, still hoping he would give in and listen. And he did...just not in the way you’d expect.

“Fine then! If this’ll get you to quit being an annoying ass waste of time, then speak! Talk! What the hell do you want?!” He asked, screaming at you, furious at all the dramatics you’ve brought up in one night.

His words kind of stung. ‘Annoying ass? Waste of time? Is this what he thinks I am?’ You grew silent at his insults and Katsuki seethed even more.

“Oh what? I scream at you and you bitch up? Toughen up Y/N, jeez. Quit acting like a baby! Tell me what you wanted to say!” He yelled.

“.......I just....I just wanted you to spend some time with me. .....Be home more.” You said in a quiet and broken voice. You looked down to the now very interesting floor as you played with your hands.

“Seriously? This shit again? I’m a pro-hero, Y/N! I’m busy! I’m not gonna drop saving lives just because your brat ass wants someone to notice you! Since when were you such an attention whore?” He asked while rolling his neck to relieve his strained muscles. Your eyes widen at the ground due to his words and your head snapped back up to face him.

“A-attention whore? I-...I just want my husband to stop working so much. I don’t know..maybe have a day off or two!” She said with a crinkled nose as you screamed.

“I do have days off, Moron. It’s why I’m not overworked, ever thought about that?!” He screamed back.

“And you spend those days off away from me! I’m not trying to act like the world revolves around me but I would hope my own husband would spend a day with me instead of his friends that he ALWAYS sees because you ALL WORK TOGETHER!” You argued. You made a valid point and even Katsuki knew that, but he was too stubborn to admit defeat. He was still tired but he had enough energy to put you back in your place. His eyes popped as a vein grew on his neck.

“Well- WELL YOU’RE ONCE AGAIN JUST BITCHING AND COMPLAINING LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO! I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’RE SO UPSET!” He screamed.

“Don’t understand?! You know what? I know you don’t because you never listen to-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, I WASNT DONE TALKING! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AROUND THE HOUSE, LAZING AROUND, DOING NOTHING BUT TRY TO ARGUE WITH-“

“LAZING AROUND?!” You shouted in disbelief. “WHO MAKES YOUR MEAL PREP THE NIGHT BEFORE SO YOU CAN ENJOY IT AT WORK AND IN THE MORNING? WHO CLEANS THE ENTIRE HOUSE EVERYDAY WHILE YOU’RE GONE? WHO MAKES SURE YOU HAVE A FULL FRIDGE, CLEAN HOUSE, GOOD FOOD, AND A HAPPY LIFE? ME KATSUKI! ME!”

“Happy life? DO I LOOK HAPPY TO YOU BITCH?! NEWSFLASH, IM NOT! SO CONGRATS Y/N! YOU FAILED ONCE AGAIN! AND WHO GIVES A FUCK IF YOU PLAY MAID WHILE IM AWAY?! IM BUSY SAVING THE FUCKING WORLD! THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS BE A GOOD WIFE SINCE YOU CANT EVEN BE A FUCKING PRO ANYMORE!” He insulted again.

“because of FUCKING YOU!” You argued once more.

“I DID IT FOR YOU!” He said while throwing his bottle to the wall, causing it to shatter. “I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOUR UNGRATEFUL BITCH ASS! I PAY THE BILLS! I BRING HOME THE CASH! I GIVE YOU THE MONEY TO BUY ALL THE FUCKING FOOD, CLOTHES, AND ANY OTHER STUPID SHIT YOU WANT! AND ON TOP OF THAT, I STUFF YOUR STUPID CUNT TO PLEASURE YOUR UNGRATEFUL ASS. AT THIS POINT, YOU’RE JUST A WALKING HOLE FOR ME TO USE!”

His words hurt. They broke your heart. Did he really feel this way? If so, why was he even with you anymore. You notice a smirk grow on his face at your bewildered state. He looked as if he just won something. However, the smirk dropped into a scowl once he saw your eyes begin to pool with tears.

“Oh great! Cry! Go ahead! Just shed your fucking tears like you always do! I’m going to bed! Come join me when you’re done being an annoying bitch.” He said and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he began to walk away. You didn’t want the conversation to go this way and there was no conclusion. You needed this to be resolved now. You just wanted your husband back. You reached out to stop him from walking but the unforeseen happened.

“Katsuki..don’t walk away from thi-“

“DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME!” He said and smacked your arms away with a burning palm. Without realizing, Katsuki began to spark his quirk and so when he went in to push you away, he burned your forearm.

A loud blast and smoke filled the room and your screams of pain invaded his ears. The sound made a shocked face grow on him as he quickly turned to see the damaged he had caused. His heart sank as he saw you crying while holding your burnt arm with your other hand. You were slightly hunched over in pain as you took notice of the damage that had been caused. That he caused.

“Y/N!” Bakugou softly shouted as he ran to you. He wanted to help but before he could even lay a finger on you, you flinched. The action caused him to hesitate and hold himself back. He ran to the kitchen sink to get a cold rag and he brought it back to you. “Baby! I am so sor-“

You pushed him away and off of you as you quickly walked to your bedroom with a shadow casted over your eyes. Tears still flowed down your cheeks as sniffles could be heard from your cherry red nose. Katsuki couldn’t believe what he just did and ran to follow you.

“Y/N! Please listen! I didn’t mean it! I don’t know how that happened Teddy Bear but I swear I didn’t mean it! I swear I didn’t mean any of the bullshit I said! I’m sor-“

*SLAM* *click!*

Katsuki realized he followed you out the kitchen, through the living room, up the stairs, and to the entrance of the master bedroom you both shared before you slammed the door and locked it right in his face.

“Baby! Please open the door!” He said while knocking in a very rushed manner. He wanted nothing more than to help you and treat the damage he caused to his beloved wife. He had royally fucked up. He began turning and jiggling the locked knob in an attempt to get it open but failed. “Please Y/N! I have to take care of you and that burn. I’m so sorry but please let me in!”

On the other side of the door, you pressed your back against it as you held in your sobs and slid to the bottom. You pulled both lips in to conceal your voice while you held your wrist to examine the burn on your arm. It was so bad. Your skin turned an angry shade of red as it blistered and bled. You were dripping blood all over your carpeted floor and so you ran to the master bathroom in the bed room.

You turned on the sink and placed your forearm under the cold, running water. The water soothed it a bit but it wasn’t enough to cover the pain. You turned off the sink and grabbed a hand rag as you patted down on your wound. You took out the first aid kit and cared for yourself. You had to take the alcohol to clean it and sucked in a breath before you poured the solution over the burn. You screamed as it seemed to have hurt 10x more. After dabbing cotton over it, you wrapped it in bandages and took a breath of relief.

‘What just happened?’ You thought to yourself.

The entire time, Katsuki was still begging for you to open up. He heard your scream and grew frantic. He banged on the door and cried for you, still hoping, praying, that you would let him in. When nothing happened, he resorted back to calling out for you but to no avail.

About an hour went by and it was almost 4 in the morning. You sat on the bed with your arms holding your knees to your chest. You stared at the wrap as the memories of what went down tonight flashed through your brain.

‘Waste of time...brat ass...attention whore...ungrateful...annoying bitch.’

His words struck you right in your heart. Cruel thoughts began to fill your head.

‘He doesn’t love me. He hates me. I’m worthless.’ Your thoughts would’ve continued until a quiet knock snapped you out of you mind.

“....Y/N?...Baby?” It was Katsuki of course, but a softer version of him. A broken one. “..I don’t know if you’re listening or if you’re awake..but I need you to know that I’m so so sorry.” It was easy to hear his muffled and staggered voice that exposed his tears and sobs. “If I could turn back time right now, I would do tonight all over again, I swear. I would’ve came home and listened to you. And we could’ve talked things out. We would’ve came out of this problem being a stronger couple than we were before...because that’s what we always do. We always make it out of the dark together..because we’re a team..and I need you. .....Please...please don’t leave me Y/N. I love you so much. ‘M so sorry that I hurt you..that I burned you..that I’m such a terrible husband. But I promise you I’ll fix everything in the morning...................Teddy Bear?”

He didn’t know it, but you were listening. You heard every word but refrained from speaking. You knew that the second you did, you’d break down and go crawling back to him....but you didn’t want to do that. You wanted to leave. He physically burned you and you wanted to leave. You were going to sleep for a few hours, and when you would awaken, you would pack a bag and leave. And so, you began your plan and tried to get some sleep as tear streaks marked your face. It would all be over soon.

You woke up to the morning sun.

6:50 a.m.

You rose out of bed and rubbed at your puffy eyes. You quietly got ready in the bathroom and applied the slightest bit of makeup to look more presentable. You took out a pair of shoes and tossed them to the center of the room. You were in your closet and pulled out a bag. You stuffed it full of a few clothes for you to wear, you couldn’t stay here. Not after what he did. You fought through the pain as you pulled on your jacket and placed your shoes on. You wiped your tears as you picked up your purse and got ready to leave. You were going to stay in a hotel. Didnt matter where or how expensive. You just needed to get away.

Finally, you walked to the exit of the bedroom. You took a breath before you slowly turned the knob and was greeted with the sight of a sleeping Bakugou. He had slept in the hallway in front of the bedroom, still wearing the same clothes from the night before. His knees were scrunched up with his arms resting there to be used as a pillow. He layed his head atop of his arms and as you looked down into his hands, you saw the rag. The exact rag from the argument. The rag that he attempted to use to help you. Little did you know, Bakugou hadn’t planned on getting rid of it until you let him use it to help you. He wanted nothing more than to fix his mistake and cater to you and your wound.

You shook your head as you felt tears began to fill your eyes but you refused to let them fall. You took a step and sadly awoken the exact man you were trying to avoid. Bakugou had quickly woken up when he heard the slightest noise and was blessed with the beauty that is you. He looked up at you with wide eyes and a small smile.

“Y/N...” was what he whispered before he quickly got up to run to you.

“Y/N!” He ecstatically said with a hint of relief. He was about to wrap him arms around you but you kept a hand at his chest to keep him at bay. “Baby?...”

Bakugou looked at you with hurt and confused eyes when you didn’t welcome his embrace. Even when you were mad at him, you still allowed him to hold you so what gives? He looked at you and your attire. He noticed your jacket and shoes and saw you holding a bag. “W-what are you doing?”

You walked away from him but he snatched your wrist to make you turn to face him. “Y/N! What’s going on?!” He frantically asked with crazed eyes. You snatched your wrist back and ran down the stairs and he copied your actions. He followed you into the living room until he grabbed your wrist once more. You tried to pull away again but found it harder because this time, he gripped it tight.

“W-where are you going baby?”

“Dont call me that.”

“What? Why? Baby, please tell me what’s going on.” He begged as he squeezed your wrist.

“What’s going on? Are you serious? What does it look like? I’m leaving!” Bakugou’s eyes went wide once more and shook his head.

“N-no! No, why!?”

“Why?! Look at my arm!” You screamed.

“I know! I know and I’m so sorry! But..but you don’t have to go! I can fix you up, I’ll take you to recovery girl, I will bring you to the best hospitals around the world to fix that for you! Just please don’t go!” He bargained and offered everything but you weren’t budging.

“It’s not just the burn Bakugou.” You deadpanned with a nonchalant face. His heart felt heavy after hearing your voice refer to him with his family name.

“..I-it’s Katsuki! Your Katsuki! It’s Suki, baby please!” Bakugou stepped closer as he cried once more but you backed away again. His hold on your wrist still strong as his fingers played with the ring on your hand, trying to calm himself down and remind himself that you are still his wife.

You shook your head at his pleading. “Bakugou. You burned me. But not only that, you’ve neglected me for months.”

“I know that! And I’m sorry! I will spend just as much time off of work to make it up to you, I swear I will, I promise!” He once again bargained.

“It’s too late.”

“No it’s not, please, it can’t be!”

“It is Bakugou-“

“KATSUKI! ....please...please don’t call me that. I’m your Katsuki,” he said with a whimpering voice. At this point you felt the tears come through, but you still didn’t allow them to fall.

“Katsuki...I can’t stay here. Too much damage has been done.” You said with a soft voice. Bakugou continued to shake his head ‘no,’ but you already made up your mind. You used your wind quirk in your hand and blew his grip off your wrist. You took the quick opportunity to walk to the door but Bakugou grabbed your bag off your shoulder in a childish panic and attempt to get you to stay.

“Hey!-“

“Please Y-Y/N! Please don’t leave me! I- I know I’ve been a terrible husband! I’m sorry! B-But I promise I’ll do better. I’ll stay at home more, I’ll spend more time with you, Please!”

“Katsu-“

“I’ll buy you whatever you want! I’ll get you all the expensive brands, I’ll find you all the best jewelry, I’ll give you all the money in the world! I’ll give you the whole world! Please stay! I love you so much Y/N!”

“Katsuki, give me back my bag,” you tried to reach for it but Bakugou kept it away from you and pulled you in with one arm and held you in a tight embrace as he cried on your shoulder.

“Please...you can’t do this to me. I need you. I love you! I’ll do better! I’ll be a better husband, I swear..just please don’t go.” He softly spoke with a broken voice and soft hiccups. It was wrong for you to do this, but you sighed and pretended to forgive him as you wrapped your arms around his torso. You hugged him tight and he fell for it as he openly sobbed now. His other arm that held your bag came to wrap around your waist but before it could, you snatched the bag out of his hold and pushed him away. You ran to the door and held a tight grip on the knob as you picked up your car keys. You saw Katsuki attempt to run back to you but you created a strong barrier of wind to protect you. “IM SORRY Y/N! PLEASE DONT!”

You took off your ring and tossed it to him through the barrier. He was quick to catch it and hold it right in fear of losing it. He had to find a way to get it back on your finger. “No..baby...Teddy Bear please!”

“....I’ll send you the divorce papers....Goodbye Katsuki.”

With that, you walked out of the door, still keeping the barrier alive. Once you started the car, you dispersed of the wind and Bakugou opened the door and ran to your car.

“Y/N wait! Please!” He cried out but he was too late. You pulled out of the driveway and drove off quickly down the street. He watched your car go as he began hyperventilating and tugging at his ash blonde locks. He ran back inside the house with your ring in hand as he looked for his phone. He found it on the kitchen island and quickly dialed your number. Of course, it went straight to voicemail but that didn’t stop him from calling about 50x more.

“This-...this has to be some stupid dream. A fucking nightmare...” he said as he tried to hide in denial. “Yeah...a nightmare. This is what it is...I’ll..I’ll wake up soon and she’ll be by my side in the morning...sleeping peacefully...and I’ll take the whole week off and spend it with her. She won’t be mad, we’ll be happy like we always are. S-She won’t leave me.”

Bakugou had an insane smile on his face with eyes of distraught on him. He clumsily made his way back to his bedroom where he flopped onto the large mattress and tried to get some sleep. He would sleep the whole day away if it meant you’d still be by his side when he woke up. The ring you abandoned was held tight in the palm of his hand as he held it close to his chest. His sobs overcame him but did aid in his journey to slumber. Eventually, he knocked out and a smile of bliss adorned his face as he assumed you would still be there in the morning.....oh how wrong he was.

The very next day, he woke up at 5:30 like he always did and quickly looked to your side of the bed. It was cold and empty. He was lonely. The exact same feeling you got everytime you woke up without seeing him for the past 6 months.

6 months. You’ve been married for 4 years and together for 8. Out of those 8 years, Bakugou spent 6 months neglecting you..and now...he lost you.

He stared at the empty space and bawled his eyes out like a baby as he screamed. He got out of bed and walked to the kitchen. Maybe you were cooking breakfast! You weren’t. Kitchen was empty. He ran to the living room! Maybe you were just watching some TV and reading a book, looking all cute and domesticated like you usually did. No, you weren’t there either. Bakugou checked every room in the house and when he couldn’t find you..he snapped.

His heart beated at a rapid pace as he trashed the entire house. Breaking windows, flipping desks, smashing furniture. He used his quirk to create blasts and burn marks into the walls and floors of the house. He did everything to get his frustrations out. The entire time he shouted and cried as rivers of tears flowed down his cheeks.

When he was done, he sat in the middle of the destroyed living room, laying his back against the flipped couch. He sat with his knees scrunched up as he hunched over, staring at the ground. His nose and eyes and basically his entire face grew puffy and red. His hair was a mess and so was he. Silent tears continued to drop, but his throat was too dry and hurt far too much for him to make anymore noise. However, he did fight through the pain to say one final thing:

“What have I done?”

A/N: hi cubsss! So a lot of you may know that my very first post, writing piece, and short story (He’s Lost) was created around angst, a breakup, and the fact that the triggering point was Bakugou physically hurting Y/N. I’ve been thinking about it and I HATE MY WRITING IN THE FIRST POST! It was terrible! Why tf did y’all like it so much?😭 And so, I’ve created a new piece revolving around the same elements, sorta as a way to check my progress. I hope you enjoyed!

ALSO!!! If you guys like this enough, I’m willing to turn it into a small yandere short story if you Cubs are down for that. Let me know and I’ll make it happen! Love you Cubs! See you next time🧸💗

[t0shii]

Hiiiiii :D can I request angst to fluff with Bokuto suna and Kyotani where their s/o wanted some food/snakes in the middle of the night so instead of waking the guys up they go by themselves to Store and the guys wake up looking for them and get scared/mad when they can’t find them

ღ — when they wake up alone

.! timeskip! bokuto, suna, kyotani (sep) x gn!r

.! angst + fluff/ lots of cursing, mentions of eating; not proofread

.! oh wow... i will totally write this for you 😈😈 ty for the request & hope you enjoy- these turned out pretty lengthy huh?

bokuto

bokuto is absolutely beside himself when he wakes up and your side of the bed is cold and empty. quickly he sits up and calls your name, "y/n?? y/n, baby?" no response the crease in his brows deepening with the frown on his lips. "must he in the bathroom or something" he mumbles to himself, clumsily getting out of your shared bed and walking fast to the bathroom down the hall. he knocks on the door quietly, "babe, you in there?" he waits a few seconds before opening the door, only to find the room dark and empty. now he's feeling really nervous, where the hell were you? 'the kitchen?' he thinks but when he gets there it too is empty, he basically tears the whole house apart looking for you, no where to be found. maybe you left him? finally got tired of his immature personality, maybe you just couldn't stand to be with him another minute- even as he slept.

the negative thoughts plagued his brain, so much so in fact, he hadn't even heard the front door of your shared apartment open, or the thud of your snacks hitting the hardwood floor. he hadn't even noticed you make your way toward him, "bokuto, baby, what's wrong?" his head snaps up at the sound of your voice, "y/n? you're back?" he reaches out for you and you stand there hugging him as he sat on the couch, "yeah, i couldn't sleep so i went to get snacks. why are you crying though? did you have a nightmare?" you run your hands through his hair and it calms him down almost immediately. "n-no but i reached for you and you were gone and t-then i couldn't find you anywhere.... i-i thought you left me for good." he hiccups, you feel guilt creep up your chest at his words. "oh bo, baby no! i just didn't wanna wake you since you have a match tomorrow." he sighs, arms wrapping around you tighter, "please just wake me up next time, you really scared me." you promise you won't leave the house without telling him from now on and cheer him up with some of the snacks you bought, and kisses of course.

suna

suna's first feeling is disappointment as he reaches over to pull your body closer to his, still half asleep, but is met with an empty space. he's annoyed but doesn't think too much about it, you probably had use the bathroom or something so you'd be back in no time. it's only when he realizes too much time has gone by and you still weren't in bed he starts to get really irritated and a little nervous, why weren't you back in bed? he groans, throwing the comforter away from his body and stands from the bed, "y/n where the hell did you go?" his voice his hoarse as he calls out for you checking each room in the apartment, only for them to be empty. he curses to himself as he sits on the couch, plenty of emotions running through his veins. it worried him that he had no clue where you were and it pissed him off that you hadn't said anything before you left. even more though, he couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling that maybe you left with the purpose of never coming back- it made him uneasy.

he hadn't meant to fall asleep on the couch in same position he'd sat down in, the sound of the front door opening snapping him awake almost immediately. all he felt was annoyance, it was nearly 2 am and here you were walking through the front door, paper bags in hand. "where the hell did you go?" the question comes out a little harsher than he'd originally wanted it to but he was too tired to care at this point. you flinch at his question, "uhm to the convenience store? i couldn't sleep so i decided to get snacks and you have a game later so i didn't wanna wake you." he rolls his eyes, "so you leave me to wake up alone? i couldn't find you anywhere- i was worried sick. do you only think about yourself or something?" well shit, he hadn't meant to say that last part. you drop your bags to the ground and immediately suna knows he's fucked up big time. "i-i'm sorry, i just didn't want to wake you up b-because-" you were already breathing heavy, tears staining your cheeks and suna has no idea how he can recover from this.

"oh fuck, baby- i didn't mean to- shit i'm so sorry" he inches closer to you and to his surprise you let him embrace you "i didn't mean to snap at you, i swear. i'm just so tired and i was so fucking worried you weren't gonna come back- god i'm so sorry" he hold you tight in his arms, "i'm sorry too rin, i should've at least left a note, but i knew i wasn't gonna be gone for long so i didn't even think about it." you apologize but he only shushes you, "still, i should have never snapped at you." you nod against his chest, "you really worried me though, i thought that- you know what it doesn't matter, you're back now. let's eat those snacks you brought back, yeah?" the two of you spend the rest of the night eating the snacks you bought and suna holds you close and tight like you'll fade away if he doesn't.

kyotani

kyotani is a heavy sleeper, especially after a long set and he's definitely not a morning person- no matter the time he's woken up. so when he wakes up you side of the bed empty and cold, he already feels him becoming agitated. he rolls over to check his phone, 3:52 am, "what the fuck, y/n" the grumbles, "y/n." he yells, loud but no response, "of course you're gonna make me get up." he scoffs. firstly he searches the living room, he knew that oftentimes, you had trouble sleeping and knowing he hated to be woke up, you would sneak into the living room to watch tv until you were sleepy again but of course you weren't there. you weren't in the kitchen either, and he didn't find you in the bathroom nor on the balcony. kyotani checks his phone, no texts no calls, nothing. he rolls his eyes and throws himself onto the couch refusing to text or call you out of his own stubborn national, plus, what if you were driving? he turns on the tv to distract himself from the pit of anxiety bubbling in his belly, nothing can really stop his thoughts from running wild though, he can't shake the feeling that you weren't coming back and had left him for good, finally tired of his- well everything about him, really.

he thoughts are interrupted when he hears the front door open, relieved to see your face but angry as he remembers you'd left without a word. he frowns standing up to meet you at the front door, apparently you weren't expecting him because you flinch as he makes his presence known by clearing his throat, "oh fuck- kyo you scared me! why are you awake?" he scoffs "oh i scared you? well at least you didn't wake up to an empty house at nearly four am" his tone has you frowning, "i didn't wake you up because you'd be upset with me and i knew you needed rest after your show from earlier." his face softens but still he rolls his eyes and glances at the bags in your hands. "whatever, what's in the bags?" he takes them from you and sets them on the island counter, "i couldn't sleep so i went to get snacks." you follow him to the kitchen, "i got your favorite too." if he was still annoyed before he definitely wasn't anymore, did he even deserve the snacks? he'd just snapped at you minutes earlier. he grunts in acknowledgment, "c'mon, we can eat together, kyo. i'll put on a movie." you grab his hand in one hand and the bags of snacks in the other and lead him to the living room where you both lay on the couch.

his silence is all too loud as you put on a movie you both enjoy, "kyo, is something wrong?" kyotani can't help the tears that form in his eyes as he embraces you tightly, "i was worried about you, you brat. why'd you leave without telling me? you coulda left me a text or something." you're stunned at his sudden outburst, "i was only gone for 30 minutes, kentaro... but still i'm sorry, i should've left a note, but i didn't think you'd wake up while i was gone?" you rub his back and chuckle, "did you miss me that much, baby?" he shakes his head as best he can while it's in the crook of your neck, "i thought you weren't gonna come back." his confession surprises you, "oh... why would i not come back? i love you too much to leave for good." you grin, "really?" "really". the both of you spend the rest of the dark hours of the morning watching movies and eating the snacks you bought all while in a tight embrace.

[lucifers-clown]

Stood Up

Lucifer Morningstar x reader.

Warnings: Angst angst angst, mentions of drinking and arguing.

Request: Can I request a lucifer fic when the reader thinks he's pulling away or loves Chloe more than them? I just want to see lucifer mess up and grovel for forgiveness hahaha. Tysmmmm!

A/N: I wrote this listening to the new lil nas x album, it's good I recommend it. This is probably my favorite fic I’ve written. And it's probably the longest too. So enjoy everyone.

Summary: Lucifer has spent all his time with Chloe lately, does he even care about your marriage anymore.

You were glad Lucifer had managed to weasel his way onto the LAPD, in your 3 years of marriage you realize Lucifer could use a stable job. What you weren’t glad about was the fact he was prioritizing Chloe over you. Even when it didn’t come to things involving work. You thought Chloe was cool, so you couldn’t even bring yourself to be angry at her, she didn’t control your husband.

It started small, missing some dates to help her with cases over time, no biggie. But then it was not coming home until past midnight, and leaving before you even had time to drink a cup of coffee. His little text he’d send you at work became sparse, then none. At this moment the clinginess you had once found annoying, has become something you pissed badly. Coming home became something you dreaded because the penthouse would be empty.

But today, looking up, you were able to get a grasp on Lucifer for more than 10 minutes, and planned a small date night at one of your favorite restaurants. You were elated, finally some time your husband, you didn’t even care if he talked about Chloe and work the whole time.

You picked a cute little outfit, something on the fancy side, because it was a rather formal restaurant. You and Lucifer had agreed to meet at the restaurant. You fixed your hair, fixed your face up a bit. Took an uber to the restaurant, and walked in practically bouncing with joy. And sat at the table for two you had reserved.

And then he was 5 minutes late, then 15, then 30. You felt like a fool, you had practically finished the bottle of wine you ordered waiting for him. When the clock had shown he was an hour late, you gave up and asked for the check. And once you got into the uber to go home, you received a text from him. It read

“So sorry love, I won’t be able to make it, I’ll make it up to you I promise.”

You could just about have crushed your phone in your hand, you were so mad. He may be immortal but if you could get your hands on he would be dead in ten minutes or less.

Walking into Lux, you greeted Maze while crossing through. She could see the look of sadness on your face.

“Don’t tell me he flaked on you? For his safety you better answer no.”

“Maze I sat there for an hour, I looked so stupid! Honestly I’d be okay if you threw him around a bit.”

“Really?”

“No, because I’m trying to be the better person, but my patience is really, REALLY, wearing thin.”

“Well Y/N just let me know if you want to come home dickless, I’d be glad to do the job.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” You smile at her, and head onto the elevator.

You enter your deary, dead, penthouse. You walk over to the bar, and take a shot of vodka. and head off to the bathroom, to have a good shower cry. You change into your pajamas, grab some blankets, and crash onto the couch. Because right now you did not want to share a bed with him.

You hear the elevator open up at about 1ish, as it disturbs you from your sleep. You don’t get up to greet him, you don’t stir.

“Y/N what on earth are you doing on the couch.” He glances down at your supposedly sleeping form. He goes to gently shake your shoulder but you move away. “Now what's that for?”

“What do you think!” you shout and shoot up, startling him a bit. “Lucifer you made me look like a fucking fool tonight!”

“I told you I’d make up for it! You know I am a busy person Y/N, I'm Sorry for missing one measly date!” He shouts back.

You throw yourself off the couch. “One Lucifer? One? It's more like Six at this point! I hardly see you anymore! You have no time for me!” You shout back. You can feel tears welling up but you didn’t want to descend into sobs so you hold them back.

“Chloe’s my friend I can't just leave her hanging! Why are you being so selfish! I’m trying to juggle things and you're not making it easy!”

“And I’m your fucking wife! If you can’t make at least an hour for me, how the hell is this marriage supposed to work!” You cry. You descend into sobs and fall back onto the ouch. Bringing your hands over your head you cry. You feel Lucifer down beside you, and he begins to rub your back and pull you close. Once you begin to calm down, he speaks.

“I’m sorry darling, I didn’t realize how much I’ve been spending at LAPD.” He says in a soothing tone. “I’m sorry love I truly am, I’ll stop working over time, hell I’ll even quit, I can’t lose you. Nothing's working destroying the marriage with the love of my life over.

“Don’t quit your job Luci, I just want my husband back.” You choke out and look him in his eyes. You look at his saddened face, he looks like he's gonna begin crying too.

“You’ll have him back and more I promise. I’ll do anything to make these past couple of weeks up.” He says and runs his hands through your hair. He pulls you to your chest. Not caring if your tears will get on his shirt, just wanting you close to him. Listening to his heartbeat so close brings you comfort. Though you were still a little pissed at him, it was nice to just get close to him again.

“Do you promise?”

“You have my word, my love.” he says and places a kiss onto your head. “Would you like to go to bed, so you don’t have to sleep on the couch ?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” you smile at him.

And he suddenly lifts you up bridal style and carries you to the bed. You fall onto it with joining you a second later and he strips down to his underwear. And he brings you into his arms, the warmth something you had missed badly. And in that moment you knew things between the two of you would be okay.

[poetryinsilence]

Oceans and Engines (part IV)

Robert ‘Bob’ Floyd x Female!Reader

part I | part II | part III | part IV | part V

A/n: I hope you were having a good day up until this point. Cuz it’s gonna go downhill. Major character death!!! Jk it’s in the film so it’s not really a spoiler…unless you still haven’t seen the film yet then I’m sorry…for you I mean, like, why haven’t you seen the film yet? Why are you reading this before seeing the film? Go watch it and then rewatch it again to make it your personality for at least two whole months. Then you’ll want a warranty extension for another six months or so. BOOM angst let’s go!

Wc: 2,3k

It didn't take long for the both of you to move in together. You always envisioned starting a life with Bob; building a place together with little pieces of yourselves until it embodies the both of you, struggling to assemble Ikea furniture even though you both followed the instructions, and watching as he paints the living room and giggling when he missed a spot. You look once over your new storage room, tucked away various bits and bobs, anticipating what it could become in the future, with an extra bit of life. Slowly but surely, this is the place that you call home with him. That’s where your new life begins, with Bob every step of the way.

This new life integrated with Bob seamlessly. It gave him something to look forward to from the moment he wakes up next to you. The weekend meant so much more to him. With his old self, he would filter in going to the gym and library just to pass the time. Now, he gets to spend every minute with you. Saturday mornings are filled with his favourite omelette with an extra side of buttermilk pancakes, you give it your own spin and introduce bacon to his pancakes; blanched for one minute, drained then fried for a minute or two. His eyes sparkled with excitement, and you caught a glimpse of his child wonders; all bright-eyed and rosy cheeks. On Sundays, he learned to cook breakfast in bed. Bob did his best to fry an omelette without turning it into charcoal. And over time, a soft, fluffy omelette is served with a waking kiss.

With his free time, you would spend it cuddling on the soft spring coach with your weight pressed up against his, and his fingers lovingly twirling strands of your silken hair, until you are fused into one. On nights when you can’t sleep, he would drive you around the suburbs with the low hum of the car lulling you until your eyes grew tired to keep them awake. If all that fails, a 3 am grocery shopping trip is ensured to keep you company. You argued that Bob needs to sleep, but he will always insist that he’s not tired and more than happy enough to stay with you. To nobody's surprise, groceries are purchased more than what you both needed. It takes an hour to sort and organise their placement. But it comes with a little special routine you’d like to do.

Honeysuckle-scented candles flamed on the kitchen counter, Bob took your hands and shimmied across the kitchen tiles barefoot with the mellow, rhythmic music strumming through the walls. You danced with the refrigerator door open as your spotlight, with each shift of movement, peals of laughter and exchanging kisses until the break of dawn calls. Here, you know happiness. In him, you call home.

There will come a time when you will veil in white and dance all night to your favourite song. Friends cheer and families cry, but love stays hand in heart to a slow waltz underneath dancing lights. Bound together by a ring and a name, Floyd, that you will hold dear till the end of time. There will come a time you’d dream of faraway places and watch yourselves grow old still hand in hand, enwrapped by the love you've learnt and found. What contentment you wish to last forever, but the entropy in life is not without a cause.

Time.

Time and time again.

On a Friday morning, your eyes drift open with an indescribable ache in your chest. Numb in a low bass hum. You sprung up with the sunlight seeping through the cracks of the curtains, meeting the frame of your face. Although you thought it was the ray of shine obstructing your sight, a gentle hand rubs your eye to refocus your vision. To your surprise, what you find isn’t residue causing a blurriness, but a warm stream of teardrop trickles down your right cheek.

Unwillingly and unaware.

Was it because of a dream that you had? You don’t know. The memory of it faded the moment you were pulled back to reality. But, a sinking feeling sits deep in the pit of your stomach. It irks and twists inside out, drowning you six feet under. Panic? Worry? Yes and no. Though not for yourself, but someone else.

Your hand drifts across the bedsheet to find it cold and empty. Bob had already taken off for work before the day breaks. Normally, it doesn’t bother you. But today of all days, you needed him the most. For him to tell you that it’s okay; you’re safe, you’re home. He wraps his strong arms around you and gently rocks side to side, kissing the crown of your head until your restless thoughts melt away.

In the absence of Bob, you can only bite down your tongue and carry on with your day; hoping this dreadfulness will soon pass. And it did. Slowly, the bitter taste dissolves into the light of day with the help of Bob’s sweater fitted loosely on you. The safety and comfort of being in his presence were enough to calm you, but not enough to sate your longing for his touch.

The clock ticking away with each repetitive tock, the looming sound fills and echoes through the living room in symphony with the white noise. The audio from the TV is turned down to a barely audible whisper that drifts in one ear and out of the other. You stare mindlessly at the screen playing, unacknowledging what is happening in the scenes.

The screen on your phone shows 10:38 pm, and Bob hasn’t called or texted you he’s gonna be running late tonight. Usually, he would let you know if he’s staying a little longer for training and usher you to go to bed. But he would find you fast asleep on the sofa still with the TV in the background, waiting for him to come home in the dark-lit room, alone. Bob sighs as a pang of guilt hits his chest. His arm cushions around you, making sure to not wake you up. Sneaking discreetly into the bedroom and tucking you in, embracing you close to him as his heartbeat soothes the last grip you hold on your consciousness and drifts off into an etheric slumber.

10:42 pm, still no sign of him. Your worries grow greater by the minute. Fingers fiddling and nail scraping in between your teeth, you stare intensely at your phone screen that could bore a hole through it.

Just stare and wait.

The edges of your vision blur and double; a vignette through a looking glass. It focuses and unfocuses like a camera lens, the shutter trying to find purchase of an object. Without a second thought; your hand snatches the phone within a millisecond of a buzz, but your body jolts a fraction later. Thumb glides to answer without hesitation.

"Hey, sweetie. Listen, I won't be home tonight. There's...something at work—"

"Robert Floyd, you better tell me you're okay. I've been worried sick about you—thought your phone might have just run out of battery and you will call soon, but then what if you were hurt and injured—"

"No, no, I'm fine! I'm okay. They're suggesting staying for the night just for closer inspection. But really I-I'm okay."

"Bob, I know you're not being truthful to me."

"I promise you, I-I'm okay–"

A gentle knock comes through with an abrupt interruption.

"Lieutenant Floyd? We need you in the conference room immediately."

"Hon, I love you. I'll speak to you soon."

"Bob—"

The line clicks before you could finish, and only a picture of you and Bob smiling brightly is left on your lock screen. Confusion charters through your mind, but in all honesty, it’s the first time you’re upset with Bob. Did he feel uncomfortable telling you the whole truth? Did your worries matter that little to him?

You lay eyes wide glaring at the ceiling. The bed is cold with unfamiliarity, and sleep is far from your reach. There’s no one here to rock you to sleep, no one here to share warmth with entangled limbs, and no one here to take you on a night drive for a grocery run. And truly, for the first time in a long while, you felt utterly alone.

You listened closely to the white noise, at any moment, you’ll hear the sound of the front door quietly clicking shut. The silence of the night surrounds you with hopelessness, time passing slowly in a dire wait for the sun to rise. The hours count down until songbirds greet your morning.

Red eyes meet you in the mirror; fingers tread along the dark circles appearing in a purplish hue, and the look of impending grim hangs on your face with a sigh. The splash of crisp water on your face certainly did the trick to get you partially awake. Or at least enough to not let your boyfriend be the one that worries.

For the rest of the morning, your mind is fully preoccupied with the conversation from last night, but you’re pushing those feelings away and trying to not let them get to you. You busied yourself with work and whatever is laying around the house, but from time to time, those feelings resurface with disturbance. You hated yourself for feeling this way; the pettiness that choke holds you and leaves little air for you to breathe. This…isn’t you.

Your eyes snapped away from the laptop at the sound of your front door unlocking. You bolted off the chair in a flash, hip bumping into the edge of the table as you winced in pain. The aftershock sends a rumble to the surface causing the day-aged coffee cup to topple, spilling its content across the hardwood tabletop and dully rolling off the ledge and with a beat, it shatters. Your head turns around and takes a quick glance at your favourite cup; one you bought as a pair with Bob on a sporadic trip to Target, now laid shattered and in fragments depicting an ominous sign. You could deal with that later, but right now, greeting your boyfriend is all that matters.

Arms fling around Bob and holding him in a tight embrace, you inhale the familiar scent sending you comfort and security. Except, Bob doesn't reciprocate the hug like he normally does—arms hooked around your waist and twirling you around until you are left breathless. No, he stayed statued and limped on the spot, eyes trained to the floor rather than greeting you with those baby blues. You pulled back to give him a look over, decoding the deep crease rooted on his forehead and a solemn note coated his face.

Bob's voice breaks with a shaky breath. "He's gone...Admiral Kazansky's gone..."

*

Things often go overlooked in life when you're not careful, especially when it is something you deeply admire. Prior to Top Gun, Bob had already heard of the infamous Admiral Kazansky. His services and achievements during his time in the naval academy are admirable, graduating at the top of his class, and rising through the ranks step by step. Maverick, on the other hand, is a name he learnt on the first day. Hidden amongst the greater names, unpredictable, and a rebel without a cause. He cares not about status nor ranks in naval aviation, but a deep profound skill and passion for flying. On one hand, Bob wants to be like Admiral Kazansky. And on the other hand, he wants to learn like Maverick. A stark contrast of black and white, where one cannot live without the other.

Yet, reality depletes them with a rinse of a brush, a singularity on a blank canvas. Watching Maverick dressed in a well-respected uniform with a tense frame, he stood stagnant in front of the cherry wood casket. The stoic look doesn’t wear well on him.

The ceremony felt surreal. Life and death seem to be differentiated by a fragile line that could easily be snapped by a featherless touch. And that's what scares him. Bob's eyes follow Maverick's mechanical movement; clipping his wings off and adjusting them onto the casket. At the sound of 19 guns, he simultaneously punches the insignia to seal a piece of him along with the Admiral, a sound made Bob flinch with anxiety while his feet are nailed to the earth. An explosion that resembles a toll of a bell, the echo that still follows long after it faded. Funerals aren’t held to commemorate the dead, but for the living to say their peace and offer their last goodbyes.

Circumstances run great when you're in the navy. Everybody knows that. Death plays a major part in it; if you hadn't come across losing someone dear to you, down the line, you'll be familiar with the feeling. Despite that, the Admiral's family knew a day like this would come, and yet that sombreness doesn't stray far. Sobs and sniffles accompanied friends and families, and a free flow of tears ran down Mrs Kazansky's face as she clutched the neatly folded flag in a tight grip and creases dug deep like the cracks within her. No one could predict the last 24 hours were the last hours they could spend with him. She would give anything and everything she had just to spend a minute longer together.

In Bob's last 24 hours, his perspective of things changed drastically. He doesn't blame Phoenix for what happened; she handled it best to her judgement. A momentarily brush past death itself but he walks free and unscathed. But the news about Admiral Kazansky's death set his alarm in full motion. What would've happened if he had wrongly informed Phoenix? Would the circumstances change and he would be the one laying there instead? And would it be the same for you; the love in your eyes pouring out along with the tears watering the soil that separates you from him?

He hoped that these questions cannot be defined by an answer. And let them lain to rest as the casket lowers with one final salute.