#AND HOENSTLY........CRYING???

[maahtigor]

Guys, I beg of you to read this fanfiction as if my life depended on it. It's so fucking amazing.

Blood Pearl Of The Sea has been my favorite fanfic since twenty fucking twenty two and every time I reread it the plot gets better 😭 if I was to summarize it, imagine if someone made heterosexual women shoujo yaoi into a straight wattpad ao3 fanfiction and put a confused lesbian as the female lead. And then shoved vampires into it. And sprinkled it with the essence of the Holy Spirit. AND IT'S GOT PEARLINA TOO AUHRHRHRHRGRHG💔💔💔💔💔

And it EVEN HAS ITS OWN BLOG TOO. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLe, THE AUTHOR NOT ONLY MAKES ILLUSTRATIONS FOR EVERY OTHER CHAPTER BUT ALSO MAKES A WHOLE ASS BLOG FOR IT????????? ALSO. It's both in AO3 AND IN WATTPAD

LORD BLESS @killartzzz FOR WRITING THIS BOOK also guys go check va profile vamp art is awesome

[sushiburritonoms]

My ability to choose fandoms right when they're about to die continues. ;_;

Jokes aside, I saw this coming from a mile away. Anyone who's listened to this MF talk knows he'd been planning his retirement for the last year. And I do like Santi, Amy, Tom and Lee (and Ash?) so I'm content with his announcement. Honestly, just as Matt said I fully expect to see more of the old guard retiring soon (my money is on Safiya or Sean/Jacksepticeye next).

I hope the next few weeks are full of awesome batshit insane theories, a real celebration of this ridiculous man. Thank GOD Matt's going out with style and grace instead of a corporate mandated movie (*sigh* Mandalorian. Escape the Night. What are we gonna do with you).

All my love to the Theorist community right now. You guys will be ok, take it from someone who is APPARENTLY GRANDPARENT AGED WTF MATTHEW PATRICK old as dirt.

[niadotcom]

im re reasing all te h pjo books hoo and toa too im in teh middle of the lost hero and i read these books years ago ok i forgot half the things i didnt know quintus was daedulas or that they met haphaestus in teh book or that tyson and grover went on their own little quest together adn its slowly coming back and i just rmemebered. zeus had two kids with teh same woman in his greek and roman forms. i. i also haven't read son of neptune when i was reading the series for teh first time i decided to skip it because tower of nero was supposed to come out pretty soon and i had to coemplere hoo + toa in time to get to read tower of nero as it was released and i ended up finishing 3 hoo books and 4 toa ones before the release date anyway. in like. a month i inhaled those books and i am now i had gforgotten how much i liked them yes i'll admit it isnt the best tsorytelling but it gives me nostaligia the goo dkind and im just so. overwhelmed i lvoe these books if not for the storytelling for being the only thign getting me through being 11-14 i rememnr i used to curl up adn read them all day and then i wen tot pinrteret adn thus wwent on to become a pinterest tumblrina and then acn actual tumblrina wow

[crowempress]

I wish I could just like scream really loudly and all the sadness and stress inside of me would get scared and go away

[theredcuyo]

Hmm, so today i worked with a bit of horror and this came to me

What if we make the Batman into a cryptid but the cooler kind, the leyend to scare young kids type

Before you write or send a comment, i'm mexican, born and raised, still live there. Thank You.

This came from me thinking about La llorona, a leyend (scary one) here in México and some other parts of latam it seems(?) and it's in short, about a woman whose kids die and she dies from sadness over it, with her eyes drying up from so much crying, becoming a spirit that haunts the world while calling for her children in desperate screams

The reason behind the kids' death changes depending on who you ask, either she killed them or it was an accident, but they die by drowing in all versions, and, as a result of the above, any kid she comes across gets taken away because she mistakes them for her own, they end up dying by her hands too tho (because she thinks they're hers and drowns them, or because she realizes they aren't)

She's also a single mother (the story goes back to the 1500 btw)

And I think Bruce fits this. So. Fucking. Well.

Like, Jason and Dick die, and he becomes this, and then Tim was trying to help him pass from the world but he couldn't and instead became his child too, and the rest followed along, by accident, by choice or not

Can he be a hero here? I don't think so, but, maybe he does care for the children somehow, the ones that he realizes aren't his, that they have parents to go to are the ones he protects

He cares for the people, who are not at fault for his loss, so he protects the city he also haunts

He cares for the nice old man who's never been afraid of him, who gives him a sad smile and who he feels like he knows but all the memories of his life are buried down and forgotten behind his children dying

He might not even want the children he takes to die, it's like the pit rage in canon, it takes over him and they world gets too blurry to think right

And he cares for those kids, he really does, it's not their fault, but there's one he can never remember the name of (Dick) no matter how many times he repeats it

Dick forgave his dad (whatever the reason for their deaths might be) and wanders around him in a nice way, doing his best so all of them can finally pass away

Jason hasn't. He haunts Bruce, most of the episodes where he snatches more kids away are Jason's fault, as he appears and dissapears in front of him, making him believe any kid is his boy, Jason doesn't notice and actually tries to protect other kids.

Steph's 'your not my dad!' call hits harder in this au-

Cass was wandering around town alone, she didn't stand a chance because she couldn't even scream for help. She's like a second shadow to Bruce, always near, always watching, and some who have scaped them swear her eyes never stop looking at you. She might be the only kid who's not mad at him for taking her away

Duke is similar enough, he didn't like the dark, but when there's no other choice is the worst thing that happens.

Damian's tale as a child of his that Bruce originally thought to have died gets worse when he gets taken, reunited but only by death, one that is his dad's fault.

One where Bruce got another one of his kids killed.

||||

Hoenstly, i'd like to work on this au? If that's like fine?

I'll try to make some designs and maybe like some draws, if i get to, a series of one-shots

Oh, and if you non-latam people want to know more about la llorona, well, there's a kids animated movie :D is called "La leyenda de la llorona" pretty sure you can find it with subtitles (always better than dub tbh) it's part of a saga on mexican leyends too, can watch the others if it calls your attention, they're fun

[thebearer]

Do you think Donna would ever try to pull something like picking up teddy or willow from school without telling Carmy or his wife?

i think she might try it once, hoenstly. when she's drunk and like has this wild idea to go "get to know" her grandkids. but obv the school wouldn't let her go with them bc she's not on the emergency list and she's clearly intoxicated.

they call carmen for permission and he goes on a new level of ballistic. tells them to not under any circumstances let his girls go with her.

donna's crying and manic, i could see the cops getting called because she gets disorderly, and carmen shows up when she's getting hauled off the property, screaming about "how could you do this? they're my grand babies!" i feel like she'd do an asshole move and call him mikey (like she did at the christmas flashback) and that just fuels it even more.

i don't know if carmen would go through with pressing charges but the school does, bc she verbally (and tried to physically but thankfully there's glass) assault the secretary and then trespass so she's very much so banned and on a list prob lol. but idk as much as carmen despises his mom... it's his mom and it's hard for him to go all the way through with shit like that bc she's fucked up and he's got a soft spot for her really. but still wouldn't let her around the girls.

[c0tards--s0luti0n]

hoenstly the shit they play on the radio SUCKS the lead singers dont even scream and cry into the mic . can you fucking imagine . they dont even whimper you cant even hear blood in the melodies

[chimychoo]

STOP WHEN I FINISHED WATCHING III 18 I LITERALLY WALKED UP THE STAIRS SHAKING I C9ULDNT STAND UP MY KNEES GAVE OUT ON ME THATS HOW FUCKED UP THE EPISODE MADE ME WAHT THE HELL WHAT THE HELL WHY DID I GIGGLE WHEN MEPHONE WENT SILENT AND ALL HE COULD DO WAS DO THAT FUCKING, PHONE VIBRATE THIGN HEELEPPPEMEEEEE33

ok but that aside im just gonnw let out some theories or thoughts here cause ummmm why not!!!!!

have this little ramble that turns out to be w rant about lightbulb

mephone wanted to start a season 4 so the show could go on forever, right? what would happen to the season 2 finalists? considering how long its been i can only assume theyve either been invited to stay at hotel oj for the time being or legitimately got left rotting in the forestHELPME. hoenstly im guessing that during episode 19. like yk how wt the end of object show episodes kike after the credits they show a little scene? yeah im guessing one of thoseare gonna be there after the credits and and and its gonna FIRST OF ALL START BU SHOWING THE NIGHT SKY OF THE SEASON 2 GROUNDS OKAY OKAY??? then its gonna like the screen moves down and its the forest, zoom in more and yiu see suitcase and baseball talking, go to the right and its knife like kicking down a tree or whatever, GO EVEN FURTHER AND IT LIGHTBULB SITTING ON A TREESTUMP CHUGGING DR. FIZZ OKAY ITS GON A HAPPEN SHES GONNA HAVE EYEBAGS AND SHES GONNA BE A DEPRESSED LITTLE FUCK ITS CANON IM TELLING YOU. and apparently it was comfirmed that it hurts ligthbulb when she cries like WHAT!!!!!!!!so um shes gonnw cry at some point cause i said so i love angst i need lightbukb angst shes so overlooked like her stereotype is the assumed enthusiast but her story is so much deeper than that guys please im sobbing can you tell how much i miss her I NEED HER ON SCREEN NOW. okay okay look look so um back to the topic im not sure how iii 19 is gonna turn out but maybe mephone is gonnw come back to the season 2 island MAYBE?????

ok i have 3 outcomes for 5his

1. mephone comes back, the cutscene with the final 4 ends with mephones shadow walking in AND ALL THE FINALISTS LOOK UP ST HIM then it hits us with a "TO BE CONTINUED." CAUSEE YEAAH ADAM LOVES TO TORTURE US!!!!

2. mephone gets kidnapped by cobs. thats it

3. mephone never goes back to season 2 so the show gets cancled and the finalists go back to hotel oj and lightbulb sees testy painty and fan and they all kiss right right ZrugtRUGHT

i need lightbrush cintent so bad im so deprived for it i just want them to hug ot something like why do we get Znickloom hugging and not lightbrush ok thats not fair tha5 is NOT fair this is so not fair can they atleast hokd hands or soemthing like hug like maybe even KISS come on adam co e on you jnow you want to /silly

oh yeah and tacos probably gonnw do something stupid as fuck with mepad shes gonna rewire him or something and turn him into like a fucking teleportation device i meann he already is one so uhhhhhhhhhh

um hi!!!

[rosewoodconch]

RWCH Readathon 2024: Day 10

Undercover Princess - Chapter 29

Back into the drama lets go

I always forget they have term exams. Its crazy.

The fencing team!!!!!!

I like the spell to be adored

I think its really funny that lottie is overwhelmed by choice

The electives list always made me laugh because its got niche subjects but also like french and swimming

I so get the permanently tired thing me too lottie. Me too. I want her magical sleeping help things

Lotties so mean. Like genuinely. She has such mean and condescending thiughts sometimes

Binah just appearing with fun facts or thoughts is fun

Shes so formal but in the most sweet way

Sleepy time tea!!!!

That just makes me think of the froggy tea set 😭

I wanna give lottie a hug

Binah is too magic. Her riddles are spooky and i love her

DAME BOLTER MY BELOVED

JACOBBBBBBBB

Fabulous boy

I like that he brings some humanity to conch besides the lowkey scary like ani/dame bolter kind of intense

Ugh id be down bad for him too if i was a teenager

I like that fencing makes them anonymous, but Ellie is still Ellie

Jamie is so real, but i know he was grinning under his facepalm

I like that it's told within lotties pov, because we the resder (probably) have about the same level of knowledge as lottie

Fencing is hoenstly really hypnotic to watch especially at a high level its gorgeous

The description of the final fight is so intricate and is so fully engaging with so much detail but also mixed with Lotties faintness taking over and causing confusion.

ANI!!!!! FUCK YEAH LETS GOOOOOOO

Ugh im endlessly in love with her no wonder we had the great ani war

A PRINCE

Help

Lottie youre down bad crying at the rosewood gymnasium

The names being read out as lottie watches and gets more dizzy is so powerful, you really feel that shes struggling

This always reminds me of the scene in mamma mia where sophie passed out during her hen night

So how much does binah know about the ani planting the wolf head etc

The princess and the pea

Something under her mattress

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THIUGH RIGHT

I want the entire series written again but from binahs pov. I need to know what she knows and from when.

Also this scene ive always been able to picture so clearly in my mind that i think if i was more artistic id have drawn it a million times.

[taintedcigs]

1989 tv review, vault track rankings, my ratings and overall thoughts:

Welcome to New York — okay i honestly can’t believe I hold myself off and started w this. always thought this was a great opener and HONESTLY sounds really close w the og. I LOVE the production, not my fav song on the album though lol, 8/10

Blank Space — THIS SOUNDS SO CRISP OH MY GOD. there's something different from the og BUT I LOVE IT. 9/10

Style — THIS ALSO SOUNDS SO CRISP TOO. god i love the maturity in her voice SO GODDAMN MUCH. always will be one of my favs on this album. YOU GOT THAT!! JAMES DEAN!! DAYDREAM!! LOOK IN YOUR EYE!! just perfect. 9/10

Out of the Woods — the intro is a bit disappointing but this is one of my fav songs on this album SO I WILL LET IT SLIDE!! "OH I REMEMBER" is scratched into my brain FOREVER. 9/10

All You Had To Do Was Stay — THIS ONE SURPRISED ME SO BAD. I KNOW THIS SONG IS UNDERRATED BUT MY GOD THIS ONE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN OG 10/10.

Shake it Off — serotonin. just makes me so goddamnn happy, THE UPDATED LAUGH IS SOO CUTE I LUV HER. so much better than og, like i swear im a shake it off fan despite not caring that much before LMAO.

I Wish You Would — OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I WILL SAY ABOUT JACK ANTONOFF AND THE PRODUCTION AT THE END (sorry). THIS IS SO GOOD. STOLEN VERSION DOES NOT EXIST, THATS HOW GOOD IT IS. 9.5/10

Bad Blood — the intro to this SONG is so different. KINDA Neutral about it but the whole song sounds very different !!1 8/10

Wildest Dreams — honestly i skipped bc ive been listening to this one for months anyway IM SORRY. but still 10/10 ofc !!!

How You Get The Girl — ALWAYS ONE OF M Y FAV SONGS. POP PERFECTION. just so FUCKING GOOD AND TV IS PERFECT. GOD TAYLOORRR ILY FOR THIS ONE. (also im thinking a steve fic for this? sorry i have to mesh my two hobbies together im insane) 10/10

This Love — also SKIPPED IM SORRYYY SUCH A GOOD SONG AND IVE BEEN LISTENING TO IT FOR MONTHS ALREADYY !!!

I Know Places — OH MY GOD SO PERFECT THIS IS MY TOP 3 ON 1989 AND... IM IN AWE... the GROWL (lmao) in and we run is PERFECTTT. god so good 10/10

Clean — 10/10. no words. im actually kind of sobbing. just makes me SO sad but relax. such a bittersweet song and i still think about the secret message for this song. "She lost him but she found herself and somehow that was everything." forever engraved in my BRAIN.

Wonderland — WONDERLAND TV AFTER CLEAN HITS SO WELL ALSO ONE OF MY FAAVOOORIES. "didn't you flash your GREEN eyes at me?" GEEEENNIUUUS! the OOOHHH hit so well. guys i just... so good. 10/10

You Are In Love — guys HOENSTLY SO GOOD. but im gonna keep this one short even tho this is also one of my favs img etting so impatient for vault tracks. 10/10 masterpiece im not kidding.

New Romantics — BABY WE'RE THE NEW ROMANTICS. COME ON, COME ALONG WITH MEEE. HEARTBREAK IS THE NATIONAL ANTHEM, WE SING IT PROUDLYYY. another pop perfection. the production sounds so good in these deluxe songs omfg. 10/10 GUYS IM SO IMPATIEN T BYE IM GONNA LISTEN TO SLUT! OH MYG DO

Slut! — "if they call me a slut you know it might be worth it for once" OH MY GDO??? I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE ABOUT SLUT-SHAMING BUT BLONDIE JUST WENT THERE AND MADE IT A LOVE SONG LMAOO I LOVE HER 9/10

Say Don't Go — im sobbing, ugly crying. and screaming. say "don't go", i would stay forever if you say, "don't go" OH MY GOD IM IN TEARS 10/10

Now That We Don't Talk — "I cannot bе your friend, so I pay the price of what I lost. And what it cost, now that we don't talk" OH MY GOD??? even tho its so SHORT IT HITS SO GOOD HELP ME." And the only way back to my dignity Was to turn into a shrouded mystery" JUST FDUCKING CRAZYYY?? 9/10

Suburband Legends — OKAY THIS IS SO MIDNIGHTS CODED OMFG? the production sounds so mUCH like mastermind and i love that song. "And you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever" she just gets me!!! 9/10

Is It Over Now? — "Oh, Lord, I think about jumpin' Off of very tall somethings" OH MY FUCKING GOD???? shes so bella swan coded. IM CRYING SHES SO RELATABLE AND I THINK THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE OH MY GOD. 10/10

IM STILL TRYING TO PROCESS IT WHAT THE FUCK BUT OKAY MY RANKING FOR THE VAULTS:

Is It Over Now? OH MY GOD. SHE WAS SO CRAZY FOR THIS. THE LYRICS?? I HAVE TO LISTEN 2-3 MORE TIMES TO FULLY PROCESS IT. WHAT THE FUCK SO FUCKING GOOD.

Say Don't Go. ALSO?? IM SOBBING?? SO FUCKING GOOOD??

Suburban Legends. I LOVE THIS ONE SM SO MIDNIGHTS CODED.

Slut! ALSO REALLY GOOD. NOT WHAT I EXPECTED AT ALL. A LOVE SONG?? TAYLOR SWIFT YOU ARE A CRAZY GENIUS.

5. Now That We Don't Talk. I LIKED THIS ONE AS WELL. JUST NOT AS MUCH AS THE OTHERS.

OVERALL; I think this is BY FAR my favorite re-recording. I love all of them with my entire heart but THIS ONE IS JUST SO SPECIAL AND IMM SOOO HAPPY TAYLOR FINALLY OWNS IT. JUST A MASTERPIECE. my only ONLY problem is some of the production in some of the songs. i loved the changes. and I LOVE what she did. and I LOVE JACK ANTONOFF FOR GIVING US AMAZING SONGS. but the production sounds a bit off in these songs :(( i think max martin and shellback should've also produced more of them. BUT LIKE I SAID. it has a new vibe and I LOVE IT. (i still think we shouldn't JUST have him on other projects but that is another topic) anyway 10/10 IM STILL SHAKING.

[angelpuns]

I've just noticed I haven't done a lot of rants lately! So I'm gonna make one now about how awesome u are! You are honestly like the coolest person ever. Seeing you talk about your emotions so much and be so open about when you just aren't okay was honestly what inspired me to sent my first rant, and here we are now! You're such a wholeheartedly good person and I can't lie I look up to you so much- and I don't mean in the stupid "oh people older than you are role models" way, I mean in like a genuine "the way you are is who I want part of myself to be" way bc you're just that amazing to me. I've always had really bad anxiety and you were the first person I ever consistently sent asks to and seeing them actually be responded to made me so undeniably happy- and I wanna be like that, if I ever get the chance. Idk- I don't wanna be weird and parasocial but like TLDR, u are a very cool person and you inspire me a lot <3

AOGUHHH I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY-

i cry like a lil baby reading this fr fr fr fr

I don't like being quite so open with my emotions on social media usually (I v much prefer being sorta mysterious and also proffessional) but smthn about tumblr makes me SILLY. But I'm glad that someone thinks its a good thing ;-; RA IM SOBBIN N ROLLIN ON THE FLOOR FRRR AUGHHH

I LOVE GETTING YOUR ASKS AND ANSWERING EM AOUGHHH AOUGH AOUGHH

and hoenstly without your rants I might not have been able to continue with some of my projects because you really came here and decided to do full on analysis AND I LOVE THAT AHHHHH THANK YOUUUU AUGHHH

[camillesblogsposts]

HII IM THE ONE THAT ALMOST CRIED LMAO IM BACK!! ☆*:. o(≧▽≦)o .:*☆ man i just wanna say that i really am obsessed with the say yes to me. and the slight (is it slight? i think its pretty heavy) miscommunication trope between ellie and reader is hoenstly what drew me in!! like the last anon (whom i heavily agree with) i love how you write her ((ε(*´･ω･) and how she is coping with everything relating to the reader. ALSO THE READER HAS MY WHOLE HEART ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡ the line that stuck with me was after she talking with jesse and he said “glad u care for ellie even if she doesn’t reciprocate it.” and how reader is just like “i do it to show her that people care for her” IT MELTED ME SO MUCH!! i just wanna hug her (/^-^(TT*)/ i will say that much. also this is random but cat is like breaking my heart with how she treats the reader :( from bragging ab sleeping with ellie to not comforting her when she is crying like idk it hurts ig. anyways that is all my thoughts for now (i think) dont forget to drink some water and take breaks if u need them 〔´∇｀〕 take care!!

I absolutely adore long messages like this and I hope that I’ll be privileged enough to receive more of them ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

Thank you so so so so so much. You have my undying love.

I am so in love with Ellie and I just write her how I imagine she’d react in the situations I write her in. Ellie in the game is very shy and flattering towards the person she loves but I think situationally, as in say yes to me, she’d be easily a cold and distant lover. Reluctant to be honest in her feelings and to be scared of committing to someone when she’s never been able to have a stable connection with another person without them betraying or hurting her in some way

I hope you’ll continue to read and enjoy my writing!!! Please please please send me more messages (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡

[unolvrs]

how is UPD going? :)

yk what people say about UPD students suffering? yes, it's actually very true. the pacing is insane and you can't miss a day of studying because if you don't study at all, you'll get left behind so fast. the people here are all so smart too and it feels almost shameful and embarrassing to not know the answers to certain questions, especially when so many people are volunteering to answer. there are so much well-spoken people and honestly, there are a lot of capital R-rich people. i'm just hoping that none of them see this because hahaha, this is insane, hoenstly.

anyway, so far though, i'm doing great. i haven't had any breakdowns (bc i don't have time to breakdown bc i have to study :D insane... i never thought i wouldn't have the time to cry... my mindset rn is: i can't cry bc if i do, my eyes will get swollen, and if my eyes get swollen, they'll hurt, and i won't get to do my readings...)

UPD is crazy <3 hahaha

[sevicia]

GOD I've had this one memory floating around my head of a book I read in middle school for school where I was sitting with one of my only friends and we were doing like, a half hour of reading the assigned book. and when the half hour was up we had a while to discuss the book during which my friend (who HATED reading) went "I loved the story about the well it really felt like I was there. I imagined it like a black background and only the well on the ground, and the girl looking in" and I went on to tell him about how I had pictured it and also about my favorite story which was further into the book and he was like damn how do u read so fast!!!

and IDK it's one of the few happy things I remember from that time. I think it was end of 6th grade/beginning of 7th. It made me particularly happy because I knew he hated reading and to see him enjoy a book (or a written story in general) was just so nice.

The book was like crazy good too I remember thinking "an assigned reading book that's actually good?!?!"

so OBVIOUSLY I think of it today with nothing to do and go hey. I should find it. And spend an hour and a half googling vague terms until I think of simply googling "lecturas complementarias septimo basico chile", find a list from the ministry of education, and spot a book called "Socorro" by Elsa Bornemann (I remembered the author being a lady). So I google it and it has a familiar cover but I look at the list of stories and none of them ring a bell... then I go to the author's wikipedia page and see she has another book called "Socorro Diez" which I also google and BAM!!!! It's the one I've been looking for!!!!!!!!!

I'm actually so happy u have no idea.... In the process I also remembered "Amores que matan", "Cuentos de amor de locura y de muerte", "El terror del sexto B", AND "Los ojos del perro siberiano"

The first 3 are short horror story collections and the last one is an actual tearjerker like it had a classroom of 40 12-14 yr olds SOBBING!!!! Quite a scene to behold. especially when U are crying yourself......

Hoenstly if anyone ever wants to learn spanish by reading you know, books by hispanic authors I would absolutely recommend all of these cause they were assigned readings for 6th to 8th grade for me, which (to me) seems both manageable and fun since it's not like... for actual babies u know

[chateautae]

hi sammy. i hope it’s alright for me to send you this, ive just been feeling really down today and wanted to ask advise from someone who doesn’t know me but who also brings me comfort.

my family moved to a big city this summer and i was supposed to move there around now-ish after finishing my degree. but i haven’t been able to secure a job/internship because of lack of experience due to covid these past 3 years and today my family told me i couldn’t move there until i secure a job because it’s really expensive. which i understand but today is the first time they told me this clearly and i just feel abandoned and useless. i feel so useless and shitty about myself because i worked my ass off to get a good degree and im incapable of securing a job, it’s just rejection after rejection and im starting to question everything including my worth.

i feel abandoned because my sister is going to this expensive international school and they go out every day almost and im just like..all i wanted was to join you guys. i thought it would be easier to look for a job once im actually there instead of looking online but they let me know that it would just be additional costs for nothing and i don’t wanna push. i understand that im older and i need to be able to support myself as well, but it’s just a shitty feeling, seeing how much fun they’re having there while im over here really struggling. im not a sentimental person and i can’t remember the last time i cried but ever since they told me this today i can’t stop crying anytime i think about it because i can’t believe how useless i am.

it gets even worse when i think about the boys. i see them and i see how successful they are at such a young age and i feel so proud of them and want nothing more but to be like them, be strong and successful because they inspire me so much, but when i keep on getting rejected i feel ashamed and bad about myself. im not comparing myself to them, i just really look up to them and not being able to achieve what i wanted to the way they did makes me wanna cry myself to sleep. being in my current situation, i get overwhelmed by an intense feeling of shame when i think about them.

idk what to do, how do i not loose hope? how do i keep on looking for jobs and stay motivated when all i get back in return is rejection? how do i get rid of this feeling of worthlessness? ive been trying to manifest good things for myself for so long but it just doesn’t seem to be working.

im sorry for dumping this on you, you don’t even have to reply i just felt like ranting because im not familiar with these feelings and im just lost and sad and confused and i hate this feeling, i just want to be able to feel proud of myself for once

first of all loves, i am so sorry for getting to this message so late, and i genuinely hope things are better for you by the time you see this!! if they're not, then i hope my words can bring you comfort, and i'm so happy you do see me as someone who can offer you that, it truly means a lot that you chose to confide in me <33

and honestly loves? what you feel is valid; i don't think it's fair for you to be iced out like this simply because circumstances aren't lining up for you. and i want you to know that that is exactly what this is, misaligned circumstance. this says nothing about your capability or that you're worth any less than your sibling's love. i promise you, there are numerous fully competent, brilliant people who also struggle to find anything in this cutthroat world, and i can tell you that this also happened to me! not that i'm saying i'm brilliant, i hoenstly believe myself the opposite, but what I'm saying is that there was a time where i genuinely was trapped at a horrible job that was destroying my mental health and me as a person, and i believed I would never find my way out. i continuously would apply to jobs and get nothing in return for months, and it got to a point where i honestly did give up. but i found my motivation again when i realized that nothing can happen if I don't at least keep trying to wedge my foot into the door, and so i decided fuck it, i'm gonna knock on doors searching for opportunity, praying that someone will hear me and guess what? right when i least expected it, someone heard my knock and opened the door, which even lead to another door opening for me and now i'm exactly where i wanted to see myself.

this isn't meant to put you down at all my love, but i just wanted to tell you that motivation really is hard to keep and find, but just because you keep receiving rejections does not make you worth any less than what you are. it simply means your time has yet to come, and while it sounds cliche, it's true, because there's no way you'll find that out if you don't keep trying, okay? i promise one step you take today could lead you down the path you're meant to take, or open a door that leads to success. feeling lonely and abandoned is also valid, because family is important and they mean everything to us, and i genuinely believe you should not have been cast aside like that, but i hope the motivation to also show your family that you're worth more than being iced out can push you to keep going. you're so strong and capable of fucking anything loves, remember that!

[iheartliquor]

how big can cousins get?

this is written so fucking weird its tripping me out ...... but i guess yeah hoenstly these cousins in particular are huge tho like 6'5 and 6'4 like big massive cousins u wanna know why i am the way i am i was the youngest girl in a family of a million boy cousins .... i still feel the instinct to like randomly punch them throw their food on the ground and then run away n shit lol ...... caues thats wat they did to me!!! and tied me to a dock and left me there !! and held me by my ankles over the stairs !! and tricked me in to drinking coca cola that was had beeen left outside and was mainly like a soup of ants..... and told me lake snakes were coming for me when i was at the age that like telling a little kid of the Lake Snakes are gunna get you when u start like shaking and crying imagining the Lake Snakes ...... motherfuckers man lmao but were grown ups now so its all all cool . the ants were brutal tho ... they did a lot more than that actually i can thnk of funnier stories but not rn lol