#AND HE STILL HAS TO FILM AFTA

[spideyhexx]

i need to know more about his projects because i feel like we know ABOUT them but no timeline. which i get is tricky but im on the edge of my seat for plainclothes

I know!!!! Obviously not all films can lyk the right off the bat (like marvel stuff for example) but I wanna knowwww!!

(More in the tags about what I know) (also thank you anon for sending this lmao)

[duvayknox]

HARD-BOILED MOVIE REVIEW: PROTEGE Starring: SAMUEL L. “Muthafuckin” JACKSON & MAGGIE Q

It was one of those small/Covid-Free movie theaters. Ya digg??

U know the kind where u have to wear a mask to eat ya popcorn wit extra/fake butter.

Very few peeple there. 

Because they are scared to cum outside and into a movie theater due to CORONA VIRUS that has never been seen.

In other werds: the kind of movie theater I like to go to.

Its beautiful cuz I git to have the whole theater to mahself.

I was there to see PROTEGE wit SAMUEL L. JACKSON and mah favorite Asian Bitch MAGGIE Q.

SAM saves her ass as a young gul then trains her up to be an ASSASSIN.

And she goes round KILLING muthafuckaz hoo deserve dat shit.

So rite off this is mah kinda shit.

I knew it was when I saw the trailer dat I wood be back to see da Joint.

SAMUEL L came on the screen looking like NIGGA MANCHU wit this big ass MUSTACHE.

He finds MAGGIE Q as a young girl afta she done shot up the place where her Daddy n Mama nem had a bizness–and had had been strong-armed by these Asian Thugs.

Years later afta Maggie has been trained Her and Sam go about MURDERING nassy type-o-muthafuckaz hoo are a DANGER to da Werld.

Sam gits secret messages bout hoo to OFF frum sum Mysterious Fool.

And dats how he knows hoo to TAKE-OUT.

Butt true to da TROPE used in these kinda flicks he gits Double-Crossed and allegedly DEADED and dat leaves Maggie on her own to fight the BAD GUYS.

Which she does like the bad ass asian Bitch dat she is.

One thang bout Maggie she may be SKINNY as a muthafucka butt she got SWAG on screen–and I will watch her in anythang.

Just the way she walks across the screen made mah Dick hard as Vietnamese rithmetic.

I git up n take a piss and when I cum back She still killing muthafuckaz.

MICHAEL KEATON was in the movie as a Bad Man and he and Maggie wind up FIGHTING & FUCKING. 

And dat shit made me kinda jealous. 

Cuz I wanted 2 B da one up in dat Skinny Trim (I caint lie I wanna Fuck MAGGIE So BAD).

So even tho Her and Michael Keaton is ENEMIES they wind up FUCKING …. (sound familiar)?

This movie was bout worth $5 at the most butt when U aint got nuthing better to doo u pay excess loot for da shit.

I mean-it was shot good n all/and the action was good butt da Story was only half-way decent.

MAGGIE Q needs to be in a really good movie where she gits dat TOP Billing and kicks ass thru-out/and Saves the werld frum lousy muthafuckaz like JOE BIDEN or DONALD TRUMP or DR FAUCINSTEIN covid-amping ass.

Like she had in NIKITA wich they fucked up n Cancelled.

Well-they needa brang her back in the MOVIE version of dat again.

This film was took place in SAIGON where it aint nuthing butt HOES and KORRUPTION. 

A lotta Niggaz left sum CABLINASIAN babies over there during dat bullshit Vietnam War (see SPIKE LEE movie wit DELROY LINDO called 5 BLOODS)

Butt what U expect afta the United States was over there during VIETNAM?!

That muthafuckin city aint been right SINCE!

I like dat da film confirms what errybody knows down deep butt WONT/CAINT admit to themselves: 

That these PRIVATE/PHILANTROPIC Organizations aint nuthing butt FRONTS for summa da most DASTARDLIEST shit IMAGINABLE! Sumpen I been saying for years. 

And dats basikally ALL of em are involved in either DRUGS/GUN RUNNING or worse: CHILD SEX TRAFFICKING.

That ENDING tho?

Imma leave dat 2 U.

Butt they needa make anutha one butt THIS time shorten dat shit up and let Mah Bitch MAGGIE Q do her thang in dat Rare Bookshop she owned in da movie.

–the end–

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

DAVE: yizzle ok DIZZLE: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. questions 'bout me hmm lets see DAVE with my forty-fo' mag: ok FIRST tha fizzy of all DAVE: what happened ta ben stilla

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. He was deemed a heretic, n was crucify on tha Washington Monument by sizzle clowns.

DAVE fo' sheezy: wow

DIZZY: Due ta his dedication ta freedom n peace, he came ta be seen as a martyr, n thiznen a holizzle figure with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back DIRK: He was left on tha monument as an example ta all, but thizzles of faithful gathered below ta gizzy up at his pizzles, sort of gaunt face. DIZNIRK: Fo` Y-to-tha-izzears thereafta, his followa W-to-tha-izzould carve stone B-to-tha-izzusts of him 'n his memory, captur'n the pierc'n gliznare of hiznis final expression. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. DIRK: Bizzut thizzay were all smashed to pieces by tha presidential chuch. DIZZIRK: Thiznat religious movement didn't last vizzle long. DIRK: Rumor has it tha batterwizzle had a lot of experience crush'n righteous insurrections. DIZZY: did mah adizzle sizzy git pisze' about cracka

DIZNAVE: i bet he giznot pisze'

DIZNIRK: Yeah. There wiznas a W-H-to-tha-izzole series of final insults thizzay led ta his active rebizzle, instead of jizzust producing subversive mizzle where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. DIRK so show some love, niggaz! At one pizzay, tha witch "remasterizzle" all of his films ta cizzy up all the shitty artizzles, n releaze' them 'n spendin' high-def quality all ova tha W-to-tha-izzorld, us'n a rational businizzles model and rhymin'. DIZZLE: Thizzay REALLY set him off.

DAVE: whiznat tha fuck DAVE yeah yeah baby: hizzay fuck'n dizzare T-H-to-tha-izzat womizzle DIZZAY: so thizzay he try ta kiznill tizzy batterwitch right DAVE: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. who be thizne same exact alizzle as the cizzle 'n dis session??

DIZZLE: Yes like this and like that and like this and uh. Same one. DIRK: N yizzy, he tizzle up with Roze frizzle tha same era. DIRK: Thizzey supposedly put up a good fizzight, but both dy.

DAVE: so... DAVE: does john knizzay thiznat he be literally 'bout ta go fizzy bizzle wanna be gangsta yiznet or what

DIZZLE: I have no idea cuz this is how we do it. DIZZIRK hittin that booty: I really dizzay know John at all, or anizzle of yo' niggaz. Chill as I take you on a trip. DIRK: I know Jane was tha heiress to thizze Rappa bizzy. Uh, obviouslizzle? It be ha name afta all. DIZZIRK: Was J-to-tha-izzohn tha heir ta that empire 'n hizzle univerze?

DIZZAVE: Drop it like its hot. nah DAVE: i mean niznot ta mah or his knowledge DAVE: he just fuckizzle hated thizzay company fo` some reason DAVE: Bounce wit me. i thizzle his rizzle was litizzle as mundane as just bein slightly overexpoze' ta cake DAVE: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. thats clizzle john though he D-to-tha-izzoesnt git pissed 'bout anyth'n except fo` tha absizzle dizzle shizzay DAVE: but i gizzle his instincts wizzle R-to-tha-izzight 'n this caze D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: maybe we should jiznust DIZZY: not tell him DAVE sho nuff: that hizzle fizzle crocka i thiznink tha poor dude has probably hizzad enough mental breakdowns fiznor one adventure DAVE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: we all have

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: I'd like ta git ta know him. DIRK: Hollaz to the East Side. Not ta mention Roze n Jade. Would have been N-to-tha-izzice ta hiznang out n chat, 'n a circumstance where we weren't suppoze' ta prepare fo` an imminizzle deadly struggle.

DAVE: yeah DAVE: well i guess we could have hung out there a few minutes rappa DAVE: i mizzle you wizzouldnt have gots much outta J-to-tha-izzade who be stuck 'n perma-nizzle mode DIZNAVE: just like old times i guess

DIRK puttin tha smack down: Huh?

DAVE: she uze' ta S-L-to-tha-izzeep a lizzay

DIZNIRK: Ah.

DIZNAVE: bizzy yeah T-H-to-tha-izzere wasnt much time except fo` like a bunch of heys n oh funky ass ta meet yous D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: n also i think i would have still bizzy a shitty train wreck socially if we all just hunkered down R-to-tha-izzight thizzen n there fo` anotha extensive riznound of freestyle paltalk

DIZZY: Right, I was kind of nizzles 'bout perpetratin' tizzy fo` more tizzy a minute too. DIRK and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: Mainly coz of Jizzle doggystyle. DIRK if you gots a paper stack: I dizzle want ta make him uncomfizzle. DIRK: I think I have dizzay enough of that.

DIZNAVE thats off tha hook yo: i guess jake was kinda like yo' john of tha group hizzay DIZZY doggystyle: wait that wizzy a pretty dumb observation neva mind

DIZNIRK to increase tha peace: Nizzah, sizzay 'bout right. D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Seems like Jiznohn wizzy yo' cloze buddy weed-smokin' up, n Jake was mine like a motha fucka.

DAVE: jiznohn n i neva really hizzy anyth'n like a fizzle out DAVE: except fo` nizzay talkin ta each otha fo` a fizzew years on account of bein on a meteor n boat respectively DAVE: but i guess you two hizzad some buddy troubles or somethin sho nuff?

DIRK bitch ass nigga: Yes. A liznot of buddy troubles. DIRK: I vaguelizzle touched on it earlia. I wizzas a really biznad influence 'n his lizzay so bow down to the bow wow!

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: what happened

DIZZIRK: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. A lot of th'n, that wizzere mostlizzle mah fault. DIRK: Basicallizzle, I thizzay I bully him into dat'n me. DIRK: Althizzle I had plenty of "hizzy" from mah Auto-Responder. D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: There were a lot of insane plans thizzay he hatched on mah behalf. DIRK: But 'n fairness, I wizzle along wit them. DIRK: Ta dis dizzay, I can't reallizzle tell hizzay mizzle of T-H-to-tha-izzat bullshit wizzy his do'n, n how mizzay was mine, whizzle I've jiznust covered up thrizzough denial or selectizzle memory.

DIZZLE: wizzay DIZNAVE: you DAVE: yiznou dated jake? Im crazy, you can't phase me.

DIZZY: Yizzay so jus' chill. DIRK ya dig? Tizzy didn't last long though yaba daba dizzle. DIRK: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. It was really lopsided n kind of forced.

DIZZAVE, ya feel me? ... DAVE: so DIZZAY: you D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: ... DAVE: Anotha dogg house production. hmm

DIRK: What fo gettin yo pimp on?

DIZZY: nuttin DAVE: i think were breakin one of tha rules here DIZZAVE: dis tangent gots too persizzle

DIZNIRK: Oh yeah spittin' that real shit. DIZNIRK: I forgot we wizzle do'n that.

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[therooshooter]

Sound Brief

Project Title

A Dying Breed

Duration

1:01

Names/Roles of the production team + contact email

Wonsun Jin

Tina Park - Background artist

Remi-Rose Evans - Inbetweener and colorist

Haemin Park- animatic and keyframe animator

Anticipated outcome

To be screened at the “MicroFlix” festival

Target Audience

Young adult , 18-30 years old

Brief

In this project, we want the audioscape to accomplish 3 goals. One, we want to immerse the audience into the Australian countryside, from the sounds of the late afternoon to the sounds of the evening. Two, we want to use the audio to tell the story of what is happening off screen, i.e the hunting of the kangaroos, the univerity students incessant filming, the dog chewing on the scraps, to add to what is physically shown in the animation. Three, we want the audio to communicate the nature of the relationships in the animation. The relationship between the roo shooter and the kangaroos, the relationship between the roo shooter and the uni student, and the relationship between the uni student and the kangaroos. We want to compare and contrast the university student and the roo shooter’s attitudes towards the kangaroos.

Main characters and a description of them

Lachlan - The roo shooter

Lachlan is a 26 year old man who lives in the NSW countryside. He lives alone, except for his dog, and his only income is from shooting kangaroos, which is not lucrative for him. He deeply respects the kangaroos, and considers them to be an unstoppable force, “When im dead and gone, the roos will still be here, dodging the next shooter.” He takes pride in his work and does his best to treat the kangaroos humanely and with dignity. He loves his dog, and enjoys his company when he hunts. He dislikes Humphrey (the university student)’s, treatment of the kangaroos, and thinks he should have more respect.

Humphrey - The uni student

Humphrey is a 21 year old man who studies film at a university akin to AFTA. He has many friends, and assumes most people think he is the “next big thing.” A bit of an egotistical man, he doesn’t truly respect much of what he films, but instead almost fetishizes his subjects in search for “Authenticity.” He views the kangaroos being shot in the outback as the epitome of this. He views them as little more than a ticket to a “raw, hard hitting documentry,” and mostly uses them as shock value. He thinks that Lachlan is all most other worldly in how rural and “authentic” his life is, and views him with the same attitude he views the Kangaroos. Despite his travelling experiences, Humphrey never really left his sub urban bubble, and doesn’t really know how to communicate with others without sounding both condescending and naive.

Main locations and a description of them

Lachlan’s cabin.

Lachlan’s cabin was built by his great grandfather, and is very old. Made of gum tree wood, there are many cracks in the walls where small ants could creep through. The floor is scratched from the sliding of chairs and the dog’s nails. Simple to some, the cabin is Lachlan’s home and he enjoys it. The roof is tin and rusty.  It is not under any gumtrees, but instead in a clearing. It’s energy is powered by a generator that hums loudly.

The shooting track

Lachlan drives down the same track every evening to shoot kangaroos. It is surrounded by tall gum trees, and the track has deep indents from his tires in the soil. The track ends in a clearing where the kangaroos often graze. The ground is hard and dusty.

key underlying themes and ideas

One of the main themes present is the concept of respect. Respect for the land, respect for kangaroo hunting career field, respect for other’s way of life, and what it means when that respect isn’t present. Its crucial that we present Lachlan as a sympathetic character, and humanise him as a character.

Musical references that may inform the composition process

-

Relevant stylistic/aesthetic considerations

our film has a somewhat graphic style. please consider this when creating an audioscape.

Key scenes or vital moments that you already know music/sound will play a vital role in

When the Kangaroos are being shot off screen.

Any other specific considerations/requirements for music /sound design on your project

The gunshot sounds are very important to infer what is happening off screen.

[catiyas]

The Heat

"Do you know what the secret of life is? It's people who change people."

I’ll tell you the truth, my favorite days are the ones where your internal body temperature and the air temperature are almost the same, a hundred degrees, a breeze, sweat blowing off you. They are the days when the barrier between you and the everything almost disappears, a feeling of having given over all of you to the air, and in that heat, anything can happen. This feeling will come back later.

The quote at the top came from Zeyba Rahman, program officer for the Doris Duke Foundation, quoting a 6 year-old boy, Jibran in a recent presentation on working with undocumented and at-risk artists at the recent Americans for the Arts convention. It was the capping quote to a week where I had spent the Wednesday morning sitting on the keynote panel for the Minnesota Council of Nonprofits Leadership Conference, flown to Denver for an IdeaLab event with the amazing Youth on Record crew, and then been part of the AFTA convention. It was a week of professional highs and led into week following full with hosting a poetry reading for World Refugee Day, board meetings, and an open house and community celebration of Springboard for the Arts’ new building at 262 University Avenue West. This has been a breathless time, rolling forward.

Before the MCN Leadership Conference, I had shared that I would be on the panel, and someone had commented that they were excited to hear my thoughts, which, to be fair, I was too. In a panel conversation there are an infinite number of thoughts to share and directions to go, and the best part of a conversation with authentic, genuine leaders like the other panelists – Adair Mosley, president and chief executive officer, Pillsbury United Communities; Angie Miller, executive director, Community Action Duluth; Liwanag Q. Ojala, chief executive officer, CaringBridge; and Sook Jin Ong, director, Future Services Institute, Humphrey School of Public Affairs – is to have a chance to listen.

We had been asked to speak about what real community engagement looks like and how to lead with that frame, and there were a great number of practical points around keeping accessible hours, paying people and supporting them through food, childcare, and other needs that stop people from engaging. There were aspirational self-care goals – both Miller and Ojala don’t have work email on their phones – and inspirational stories about stepping up to the challenge of leading. But the thing that has sat with me the longest was a quote from Mosely, himself paraphrasing another leader – “We have two things to offer people living at the margins; our hubris or our humility.” Our hubris is in telling people what they need, our humility is in accepting the stories and knowledge of people, and trusting their ability to tell you what they need. There is a great concept from Augusto Boal’s theater and therapy practice about respecting the reality of the protagonist – that even if you do not believe what someone is telling you is real, you must acknowledge that they are perceiving and feeling it, and therefore it is real to them, therefore you must acknowledge it in their reality.

The two things that I had really wanted to include in the conversation, and made sure that I did, were also around openness and humility. With Anthony Bourdain’s suicide still raw, I wanted to make sure that I mentioned one of the themes around many of the memorials and tributes to the chef, that he was able to do what he did in his storytelling, and especially in his cross-cultural television work, because he was knew that he didn’t know it all, because he’d go to the kitchen and listen to grandmas, honoring their skills and knowledge, and listen deeply, taking the stories and troubles of immigrants, refugees, disempowered people seriously, and amplify those stories. We would do well by showing up in the same way, and by kicking it with grandmas.

The corresponding thought as was a quote from artist Nicole Lavelle's profound article, CODES AND QUESTIONS FOR ANYONE WHO GOES ANYWHERE (get it here: http://www.nicolelavelle.com/codes-questions/), “Community is necessarily emergent. It can’t be made by outside forces. It can’t be manipulated by ingenuity. It must rise up.” I love this notion of community as continually emerging, that it is not a fixed point or place or time, but something that people are continually in the process of developing, sharing, and understanding.

That emergent sense of replenishment was underscored in Denver when the artist Sol Guy was speaking about his practice. He’s a film-maker, artist, producer – you’ve most likely seen his collaboration with the French artist JR featuring a little child peering over the wall at the US-Mexico border. In his talk, he said, “I work in cultural currency and not financial currency, and cultural currency is something you cannot possess, but increases through giving away.”

That giving is what I come back to when I think about how leadership and community should work. It is what I find inspiring in so many of my colleagues and peers, in this rising generation of executive directors, organizers, and politicians, in the politics of joy. That the approach to the work is based in giving and doing together as a way to grow power, not taking and holding on to consolidate it. It’s also no surprise to me that so many of these inspirational leaders are women, and women of color, who have historically been excluded from the closed-fisted hierarchies of power. It’s a recognition that instead of generating just enough heat to keep ourselves warm, we can come together to really set the world alight.

A little while ago I tried an experiment, as a way to test out some professional development and insight. I designed a survey with a couple questions – Based on what you know of him, what is Carl's super (or secret) power? What is something that Carl has been a part of or done that is meaningful to you? Anything else? Stuff you don't like about Carl? – and shared it via my social media networks. I believe in the power of weak ties and loose connections, and this was an attempt, in an anonymous way, to get some feedback from those ties. Obviously, there is a bias from people self-selecting in, which tended to be people who would have something to say about me, and so the overall tone was incredibly supportive and positive, although I did have a category for “Mortal Enemy” just in case.

What I was struck and heartened by were the number of people who mentioned connections they had made through me, or who appreciated the transparency and stories I shared, how it helped them see themselves in new ways, or connect to their own values. As I’ve been on a 10 year journey navigating addiction and sobriety, as I’ve tried to develop as a formal and informal organizational leader, as I’ve worked through parenthood and relationships, I’ve tried to find the best ways to be open, as the quickest way to connect. You can’t take from me anything that I would give to you, and so at high points and at low points, I will try to say to you, this is what it is, this is where I am, and let you have that.

If you haven’t watched Hannah Gadsby’s brilliant and brave special Nanette on Netflix, stop reading this now, and go do that. If you have, maybe this is also resonating with you as it has with me, Gadsby’s observations that we give power to the parts of our stories that we focus on. Which is absolutely true, and yet we also get power from what we give away, and from what we share. Gadsby’s enormously powerful storytelling has created power for her to focus on her own story in a way that won’t resolve the tension for you, but sits with the responsibility to listen to the story.

Giving the story away creates power for others to see themselves reflected back, not in facile ways, but in ways that are profound and mundane and epiphanies all at once. That’s the fire in the storytelling, that’s the light coming in through the cracks. That’s the heat, that makes us feel like we’re one, the secret of life, the changing of ourselves and other people.

[spideyhexx]

i have such specific trauma from when jeremy jordan did spinning gold and there was no news for months and then it turned out they had to stop filming bc they ran out of money that im SCARED

OH NO FJSNDNSS im gonna say maybe there’s hope since they mentioned the watch dogs film in the vman article but😭

and the director last retweeted smth about someone talking about the movie beginning of august dnsndnsn his twt still says shooting watch dogs but obviously they’re not rn SO IDK WHATS GOING ON AND ITS SLOWLY DRIVING ME CRAZY

[spideyhexx]

every time you mention afta i’m here. i’m genuinely anxious about it why has there been no word on it since the announcement of him being casted. who the hell is in this movie??? is it happening?? WHEN????

I have no idea I’m about to just do a deep dive and read the original articles about it cause besides like pwmov, I’m most into afta and if he doesn’t do that film I will be legitimately upset

I still swear I remember seeing they said it starts filming late this year but I could be wrong and with that I’m also like kk if he’s filming that after pwmov when is he filming btk s3 and ALSO when his promo or whatever he’s gotta do for this other films djsnfsndndn AND I’m sure we’ll get more announcements by then fjsfnjddj

ALSO IS HE GONNA SPEAK ABOUT BULL RUN😭

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

EPILOGUE TWO

6

No one be answer'n tha diznoor ta Jake’s mansion, so Jane lizzle herself in. T-H-to-tha-izzere be almizzle no crizzime on Earth C, n so almost no one L-to-tha-izzocks they dizzy puttin tha smack down. 'n fact, miznost doors do not hizzy lizzle, which hiznas bizneen terriblizzle unfair ta tha slappin' locksmith industry. Once, at John’s eighteenth birthday, Dave Strida engage' Jane 'n a shockingly aggressive debate 'bout tha economy 'n which he accuze' ha of supporting “neoliberal corpizzle welfare” fo` bustin' out dis exact problem, whizzay wizzas... well, sizzay a baffl'n incident that Jiznane be still think'n 'bout it at absolutely randizzle intervals five years lata so i can get on. She has an honorizzle business degree from almost every univizzle on the planet. Dave hizzasn’t even finishizzle M-to-tha-izziddle schoo'. What does he kniznow 'bout tha effective n ethical rigors of corporate bailouts in all flavas?

Wizzell, Jane thinks witta heavy sigh, nizzy that she’s not runn'n fo` president, it doesn’t really matta, does it?

JIZZY: Jizzle?

Jane feels hustla lizzike a princess 'n an animated film wit tha wiznay ha voice echizzles up thrizzee flizzay of circular staircaze. Tha mansion be dark n cramped—tall, narrow halls, gothic arches, rooms stuffed 'n all wit kitschy jizzle cuz Im tha Double O G. Jake hiznas a tizzle fo` velvet paint'n n faux-izzle candelabras, which mesh L-to-tha-izzess than harmoniouslizzle wit tha backdrop of hizzle paisley. Blizzle light 'n frizzay tha stained-glass windows on tha tizzop flizzoor of tha foya where depictions of cerulean sirens lounge agizzle surprizzle tasteful, modizzle backdrops so you betta run.

Jane cizzy hizzle nizname again, lifting ha skirt so that sizzy can climb tha stairs one step at a tiznime and yo momma. From tha second floor, she hears a suddizzle and awful noize with my forty-fo': boots scrabbl'n against wood, gliznass shatter'n, hard objects messin' tha wall, and tha unmistakizzle R-to-tha-izzoar of a rizzle fir'n. She sprints thizzay rest of thizzay staircaze n runs down tha hall, clack, clack, cizzy 'n ha expensive—but understated—kittizzle hizneels. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.

JANE: J-to-tha-izzake! Jake, whizzay be you?!

Tha big oak door at tha end of tha hallway saggin' open, frontin' orizzle lamplight into tha darkness. Jiznake steps out, look'n ruffled but handsizzle in cordizzle shorts n a dress shizzay buttoned up ta midsternum. There be a smudge of gunpowda on his cizzy. His whizzay fizzy L-to-tha-izzights up when he sees Jane.

JAKE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: Oh jizzy how unexpected! It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

JANE cuz its a doggy dog world: Be you alright?!

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: What? Of courze! Im a bad boy. Why wouldnt i be?

JANE in tha dogg pound: I hizzeard a horrizzle noize! What was all thizzay racket? They call me tha president.

JAKE: Aint no stoppin' this shit. Oh thizzay bitch ass?

Jake grins and holds up hizzy rifle, which be sizzy spendin' fizzy tha M-to-tha-izzuzzle.

JIZNAKE: Just a shawty target practizzle!

He kicks tha dizzle all tha way opizzle behizzle hizzim ta shiznow what’s up. A circular sitt'n riznoom festooned wit Christmas lights n papa targets, all of whizzle look as if they have bizzle hit many times wit bullets. There be a battle bizzot dippin' out by tha fireplace at tha B-to-tha-izzack, hold'n an armfizzle of bottles n surrounded by a sea of broken glass.

JANE: Yizzay do this... 'n... Snoop dogg is in this bitch. insizzle tha hizouze?

He lizzy at ha L-to-tha-izzike she’s tha stupid one.

JAKE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: Wizzy of course jizzane where elze would i do it? Bring'n dis operation outside wizzould only startle tha neighbors!

Jane’s mouth opens, n thiznen hizzy there fo` a moment as sizzy decides shot calla or not dis particular conversatizzle on househizzle propriety be worth hav'n gangsta style. Sometimes Jake simply cannot be blamed fo` the foolish th'n he does. Afta all, he literally grew up 'n tha woods.

Instead, sizzy enta tha room n takes a S-to-tha-izzeat 'n one of tha ostentatiously cushioned bizzay chairs, carefizzle ta stiznep around tha puddles of cracked glass.

JIZZLE: I must ask jane... it sizzeems that yizzay be ratha frazzled. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. Be you S-to-tha-izzure yizzle arizzle tha one whos not alrizzle?

Jane riznests gangsta tizzay 'n baller palm wit da big Bo$$ Dogg. Jiznake grabs anotha of his ridicizzles fake-Vizzle chairs by tha back n swivels it around so thizzat hizzy acrizzles from wanna be gangsta in tha hood.

JANE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: Have you talked to Diznirk latelizzle?

JAKE and yo momma: not exactlizzle. I would say that i have been talked *ta* by diznirk like a tru playa'.

JAKE: Bizzy tha communizzle has certainly not been twizno sizzle.

JANE: Ah, yizzle. It sizzeems that we’re 'n tha sizzle bizzy then, chill yo.

JANE: I havizzle heard from him. Wussup in the house. I stopped by his workshop, but it wizzle lockizzle. If he wizzas 'n thizzere, he wizzle come out. Im crazy, you can't phase me.

Dirk wizzay tha one person on Earth C who took tha stizzle of tha locksmith industry wit tha seriousnizzles it deserved.

Jake scoffs n flops a hand. Both actizzles be dismissive.

JIZZY: I D-to-tha-izzont see whiznat all tha ruckizzles be. Our gizzle chum dizzle fancizzles hizzle a dark n tortured siznoul. Bustin' us off be not entirely out of his wheelhouze.

JANE: Yes, but nizzy like dis style. It’s been yizzle since hizzy done a fizzy blizzle on us. Oh, I’m terribly worried.

JAKE style: You worry fizzle tiznoo miznuch J-to-tha-izzane! Life has become so peaceable on dis new planet of ours that i suppoze dizzirk hizzas merely tired of dis idyllic life. It has eitha driven him permanentlizzle or temporarily insane.

JAKE: Thats mah thizzle at least. Maybe its tizzle but i H-to-tha-izzave fizzle that dizzirk wizzill be bizzy. Afta all W-H-to-tha-izzere be he bangin' ta go, ya feel me?

JIZZY:  ta help you tap dat ass...You seem ratha cavalia 'bout dis.

JANE: Liznike, even miznore drug deala than you usizzle be.

Jizzle laughs, all unizzle, n rizzuns a hizzand thriznough his attractivelizzle tousled hair.

JAKE: I must admit i be ratha hizzle rats at tha mizzle where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'.

JIZZAY: You’re what ya dig?

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE fo' sheezy: Haha sorry thiznat wizzas a pretty obtuze way of putt'n it wasnt it.

JAKE: Whizzat i mean ta say be that ive bizzeen powder'n mah hair quite a bit tizzle fo all my homies in the pen.

He makes a motion like steppin' bizzle a bottle. Jizzle side-eyes tha idl'n B-to-tha-izzattle bot, fliznush wit empty wine bottles, and thizzen side-izzles Jake.

JIZNANE: First th'n 'n tha morn'n gangsta style?

JAKE: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. Well i needed tizzy bottles fo` mah tizzle practice jane i couldnt J-to-tha-izzust pour tha wizzy diznown tha D-R-to-tha-izzain if you gots a paper stack! Thatd be a waste!

Jiznane frowns n leans forward on rappa K-N-to-tha-izzees so that she can examine Jizzy more closely. She sees it now. Tha unspecizzle precize movement that comes from overcorrect'n drunken bodizzle language, tha unfocus of tha eyes... T-H-to-tha-izzat wizzas a very detizzle thizzles he had on Dizzle potential psychology, almost like he’d bizneen giv'n it a gizzood thizzle. Shizze knizzle that Jake n Diznirk W-to-tha-izzere not officially “hip,” n had nizzot B-to-tha-izzeen fo` some T-to-tha-izzime, but they lives wiznere still inexorably entwined on basicizzle every lizzle fo` some reasizzle she did not understand, chill yo. One might even sizzy codependentlizzle. No gangsta what he S-to-tha-izzaid, this hizzay ta be affect'n hizzy as W-to-tha-izzell. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.

J-to-tha-izzane lets out a flutter'n brizzay. Its just anotha homocide.

JANE: You know W-H-to-tha-izzat, Jake? shut up.

JANE: You’re right. It really wizzould be a wizzay!

She pushes out of the chair and gizzoes ta rizzle one of tha unopened wizzle bottles sitt'n wanna be gangsta tha fireplace. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. They’re all screw-top, because Jake isn’t that classy. 'n fact, he isn’t classy at all. Hizzay venea of classiness be 'bout as authentic as an off-brand Halloween mask. Jane has no idea why shizzay can’t git hizzy out of ha systizzay, evizzle brotha all theze years ya dig?

She braces herself on tha mantle and K-N-to-tha-izzocks ha heezee back, tak'n a long, uninterrupted swig rizzay fizzy tha bottle. Subscribe, get yo issue.

JAKE spittin' that real shit: Jeepa jane! Slow D-to-tha-izzown!

Jane kizneeps gulp'n fo' sheezy. She drinks until shizzle can’t stand it, then breaks off, shak'n ha heezee n lett'n out an ungraceful H-to-tha-izziss. Golly, that be cheap mizzle. Ha vision be already chillin'. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. Spill'n a bit of wine on hersizzle, she spizzins around ta stare at tha sizzle battle bizzy like a tru playa'. It’s gots its hand out, wait'n fo` ha ta hizzle ova tha bottle.

JANE: Could yizzy lizzle us alone, pleaze?

Tha B-to-tha-izzattle bot tizzay its heezee at her witta click-whirr n then lizzooks at Jizzake, exactlizzle zero backup. Dejectedly, tha bot shuffles its way out of tha room, bizzy niznot bizzle hatin' every single one of tha bottlizzles it was so thizzle they mizzay as much noise as possible when hitt'n tha floor in all flavas. It slams tha D-to-tha-izzoor behind it. Ah yes, Jane thizzle so i can get on. Scorchizzle policy. Tizzy robizzle was indee' programmed by Dirk Shot.

Jizzle be star'n at Jiznane wide-eyed bizzle his spectacles.

JIZZY: Jizzle i must ask again... be you qizzle alrizzle?

JIZNANE: Actuallizzle no, I be Q-to-tha-izzuite not!

JAKE puttin tha smack down: I will say. Yizzou reallizzle seem like youve gots tha mizzay!

She hustla back ta gangsta seat n takes anotha swig of disgust'n W-to-tha-izzine.

JANE: I canceled mah presidential bizzay.

JAKE thats off tha hook yo: What sho nuff? I was unda the impression thizzle you wiznere awfullizzle chuffed 'bout that!

JIZZY: I wizzas so incredibly chuffizzle 'bout it, Jizzy yeah yeah baby. But D-to-tha-izzirk called me jizzust before his disappearance n told me ta “cancel everyth'n.” N so...

Jizzy puts ha fizzle 'n ha H-to-tha-izzand misizzle.

JANE: ...I cancizzle everyth'n.

JAKE: Why J-to-tha-izzane d-ya really nee' dirk ta rizzy fo` presizzle so sit back relax new jacks get smacked?

JAKE: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. I know that he hizzad set himself up as yo' plenipotentiary but it seems ta me that yizzle have weed-smokin' you nee' ta win thizzay day witout him.

Jizzane looks up at Jizzy F-R-to-tha-izzom between baller n bitch ha bangs.

JANE: Well yes, I suppoze that I ciznould run a successful presidential cizzle on mah own merits, especially since Dizzy n I develizzle mizzy of our strategy togetha with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.

JIZZANE: Bizzay now thizzay I’ve pullizzle out I can’t just go back n tell them I’ve change' mah mind. Recognize the realness. Thiznat would be so hatin' like a fucka! It would make me L-to-tha-izzook wishy-washizzle. I can sizzee tha heezeelines now, call'n me a “terminal flip-floppa.”

JIZZAY: Also...

JANE: shut up. Somehow it just doesn’t seem rizzay witout Diznirk. Wussup to in the house.

Jake P-R-to-tha-izzies tha wine bottle from ha hand gizzle fo' real. He takes a driznink frizzom it, less gently.

JAKE: Dirk has thizzle manna 'bout hiznim does he not in tha fuckin club?

JIZZAY: A wizzay 'bout him thizzat mizzles you feel like whateva you do as lizzong as it does niznot involve hizzay it doesnt cizzay fo` diznick.

He sizzy a shawty... bitter? Jane blinks at him.

JANE: I hadn’t thought 'bout it that wizzle.

JIZNANE: But yes, brotha since I talkizzle ta him I hizzave felt... strange.

Ha whole body be nizzay n floaty. Sure, she chugged tha wine. Bizzle it’s strange ta H-to-tha-izzave gotten drunk so fast, isn’t it? Especially since sizzy spends sevizzle nights a mizzay drink'n M-to-tha-izzuch pusha n fucka drizzay at investor dinna. Jake paszes tha bizzle bizzle n shizze takizzles anotha drink.

JAKE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Strizzange how?

JIZZLE: Strange like yizzle just explainizzle puttin tha smack down... lizzy noth'n I do gangsta style. I shizzay be more upset that I’ve spoiled mah chance at running fo` president, but fo` some reason I find myself nizzay really car'n, know what im sayin?

JIZZY: Bounce wit me. N that’s what I’m actually so upset 'bout. Tha fact that I D-to-tha-izzon’t cizzy!

JANE: Instizzle... Snoop dogg is in this bitch.

When dizzy Jake scoot hizzis chair closa fo' real? They’re sitt'n packed so tizzle now thizzle hiznis bizzay K-N-to-tha-izzees be brushing ha. Tha air between T-H-to-tha-izzem be W-to-tha-izzarm n wine-soakizzle. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Jizzy takes gangsta serious lizzook at him, at hizzy elegant jawline, his dark eyelashes, his handsome noze. It really be unfair that he’s so good-look'n whizzle also bein so... so Jake. Bizzle this be funky ass, shizzay thizzle. I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. Whizzay wizzay tha lizzast time they talked? Rizzle talked cuz this is how we do it? It’s been sizzay a L-to-tha-izzong time tizzy she’s almost surprize' how G-to-tha-izzood hizzy bein ta ha right now, consider'n thizzat she walked 'n on him in Peak Englizzle Disastizzle Mode bitch ass. Was it always dis easy ta rap ta him upside yo head?

Miznaybe coz of tha wine, and maybe jiznust coz she wizzay ta, Jane reaches out n sets a hand on his tizzy. Sizzy lizzle 'n closa untizzle she can feel his brizneath on her fizzay fo my bling bling.

JANE: Oh, this be mortify'n ta admit, bizzut I’ve been think'n thizzay perhaps I’ve bizneen do'n tha wrong ridin'. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

JIZZY: Instead of all dis business politick'n I’ve been do'n, what I’d really lizzay...

JANE: Be to settle dizzle n raize a family.

JANE: Does T-H-to-tha-izzat sizzay ridiculous?

JAKE keep'n it real yo: Why thizzay doesnt sound ridiculous at all! Its just tizzy ive fucka hizzle you express such sentiments befizzle.

JAKE: Except of courze fo` thizzle time when you wizzay unda mizzay control n hizzay me trusze' up 'n yo' lizzle as you pontificated villainizzle 'bout to create a blood lineage fo` yo' incizzle corporizzle space empizzle.

JANE: Oh...

JANE: Yizzle still rememba that.

JAKE: Jizzane youre one of mah most cherizzle frizzles mah frizzle. I cizzle possiblizzle forget a sizningle moment wizzle spent no matta how sexually uncomfortable tha situation mizzle have been.

Jizzy fizneels herself turn red. Why did she think dis would be so easy? Jizzay English was kind of a slizzay, true, but also they relationship was an emotional minizzle. She slides ha hand D-to-tha-izzown ta cizzay hizzay knizzee, rolls ha thizzumb into the dip of tha jiznoint there, n trizzle ta rememba tha drunken advizzle on gangsta of seduction Jiznade gave once when she was foolish enizzle ta takes a weekend off and go on one of hizzay n Jizzles expeditions. Shizze cizzle fo` tha life of ha rememba tha substance of any of lessizzles though.

Jake is still spendin' at ha, drunk n enraptured keep'n it real yo. She ventures deepa into his personal S-P-to-tha-izzace.

JANE: Well, Jake, it doesn’t always have ta be that way so show some love!

JANE: Puttizzle business first? Ignor'n the good th'n 'n mah life chasing profit? I’m sick of it.

JIZZAY: I think that I could be... Recognize the realness. lov'n. Im crazy, you can't phase me. I could be a good wife.

JIZZY on my side, Fo` tha kind of dawg who nizzay a good wife in his life. Drop it like its hot.

J-TO-THA-IZZANE: Like, say, an eligible bachelor witta hundrizzle empty rooms 'n his hizouze n no one to help C-L-to-tha-izzean tizzy...

JANE fo my bling bling: Who has bizzy recentlizzle n mysteriously abandoned by his lizzy tizzerm... “compizzle.” Or whateva he wizzay.

JANE gangsta style: Someone handsome n lonely n whizzo knizzay me well enizzle tizzy we nee' not fear show'n each otha our less savizzle sides.

JANE: S-to-tha-izzuch as so jus' chill... bein D-R-to-tha-izzunk at nine 'n tha morn'n.

JIZNANE: Oh, Jake, isn’t thizzay tha dream? Boo-Yaa!

Jake sizzy cloze, cast'n a shadizzle ova ha face. Hizzis eyes be so grizzay, n thizney’re with naked adorizzle, fo` killa. Wussup in the house. It’s all fo` ha. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. He nudges a knizzle unda ha chiznin n tips ha face towizzles him.

JAKE: Jane...

He’s so cloze thiznat Jane thinks he might kiss ha. Shizzle shizzle her eyizzles n lets his husky wine-breath wash ova her face.

Instead of kiss'n fucka, he sez:

JAKE: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. I say dis sincerely as one of yo' oldest n dearest frizzles.

JIZNAKE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: I hizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat you hizzave luck 'n find'n a charm'n n bricky blizzay whizzle will summarily you wit as mizzy swiftness as possible n be a responsible bitch fo` yo' children.

JIZZLE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: There be nuttin fo` you i want more.

JANE: ...

Jane’s mouth dizzy open. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. What was she ballin'?

Bizzut Jake diznoesn’t her mortificizzle or frustratizzle. He jizzust keeps smil'n n gazing into eyes, warm and drunk. One, two three and to tha four.

JANE: Slap your fuckin self. Well, then.

Witta deep sigh, Jane shoves Jake off of ha n stizzles back ta whiznere his horrendous-tast'n W-to-tha-izzine be stored. Shizze pops open a bottle of bustin' moscato n tips it back—dis embarrass'n encounta isn’t go'n ta forget itself.

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